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sanjuno · 4 years ago

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Meta Fic rides again

I'm a little stuck on how to word something in my Nano 2020 project so I decided to take a break by trying to read “Scum Villain’s Self Saving System” again and failed horribly because I got to the part when Binghe comes back and my interest died a quick and messy death for yet a third time. Someone write me a giant pile of gen-fic and LiuShen AUs to heal my heart.

Here, I’ll start us off:

Spite and Fury (or; PEDW is a hive of Scum and Villainy)

So bitter-old-man!Madara dies of old age after he passes his Epic Revenge Plot over into Obito’s keeping, and the Sage’s knockoff-brand cycle-of-transmigration peels Indra’s chakra out of Madara’s soul - which results in dying!Madara having a screaming ragefit that sends his spirit-and-chakra careening through the void between worlds

At which point shattered-and-fragmenting-more!Madara gets into an altercation with the System and since the System is a little bitch it tosses Madara into the worst possible Fate it can think of (see: PEDW)

Transmigration bullshit and Sharingan fuckery smash into each other in a gigantic clusterfuck of asspulls

Madara is missing bits because Indra’s imprint got ripped out

The Shen Jiu base soul is missing bits because torture and previous abuse of his character by the System

The resulting villain amalgamation is Not Pleased

Instead of landing in the divergence point chosen by the System - aka the Qi deviation fever shortly after Binghe arrives at Cang Qiong Sect – we instead have the jigsaw puzzle mashup of Mads-and-Jiu land in baby-slave Jiu’s body

The good news is Madara and Jiu stop fragmenting because they end up woven together - they’re stuck together as an almost-single person only with two different sets of memories

Character exploration is going to be an EVENT

Also the Madara part of them is really happy with the silky smooth hair

Also Yue “lets-Binghe-kill-him-because-he-thinks-Shen-Jiu-is-dead” Qi is cast is a much better light when compared to Senju “stabs-his-sworn-brother-in-the-back” Hashirama

So Mads-Jiu plays it close to canon for the first few years - the only real difference is that he tags his Jiejie with a tracking seal for after he escapes from slavery - he’s not leaving his ability to find her again up to chance or developing a reputation as a whoremonger if he can help it

When he gets bought by the Qiu is when Mads-Jiu starts being a manipulative little shit like we all know he is

Xanatos-pileup-or-bust!Mads-Jiu basically lets Yue Qi escape alone because he NEEDS Yue Qi to become Cang Qiong Sect Leader for his long-term plans to work properly

So Mads-Jiu warns Yue Qi that if he has to be CAREFUL because cultivating is dangerous and if Yue Qi comes back missing any pieces then Jiu will cut the EXACT SAME BITS OFF HIMSELF

And so Yue Qi is EXTREMELY safety conscious and the life eating sword drama is avoided entirely

Of course he’s also taking longer to reach his initial strength levels than in canon because he isn’t rushing

So there’s nothing like Yue Qi showing up early to trigger a plot divergence alert in the System

</mwahahaha>

Mads-Jiu is more pragmatic regarding Qiu Haitang’s so-called innocence this time around - and so he arranges for her to catch the Creeper Qiu bro abusing and assaulting Shen Jiu

Haitang is HORRIFIED AND DISGUSTED to see what her brother is doing to her fiancé and also TERRIFIED by the fact that he talks the entire time about how sweet it’s going to be when it’s HAITANG under him

The Qiu burn on schedule but Haitang kills her fair share - double Qi deviations FTW!

The system does not notice such a minor change in the background events - Jiu kills the Qiu, burns down their house, and Haitang survives the fire with vengeance raging in her heart

Mads-Jiu kills the demonic creeper that was hanging around because ew no and also keep your hands of Haitang

Again, it’s too close to canon for the System to notice - Jiu killed him in defense of a “childhood friend” so hahaha again

Instead of being used as a stalking horse by an evil master Mads-Jiu runs off with Haitang to track down and rescue his Jiejie

Shenanigans ensue

Afterwards Mads-Jiu “has an idea to help find Qi-ge” by asking around for him at the Immortal Alliance Conference

Of course there are more shenanigans and Yue Qi saves all three by claiming that they’re Cang Qiong disciples - so of course he drags all 3 of them back with him and wibbles at the current Sect Leader until he lets them all join

Still (mostly) following canon! Ha! So no “punishment” events get triggered in the System (which is mostly dormant because the Protagonist isn’t born yet XP)

Qiu Haitang was supposed to join a Sect! Jiejie got sold on schedule! Shen Jiu killed the Qiu and his “first master”! Yue pesters his Shizun into letting his sibling(s) join the Sect in an unorthodox fashion!

But the devil is in the details

And the devil’s name is Uchiha Madara

Jiejie ends up as Peak Lord for Talisman Peak because magic and seals saved her before

Haitang ends up Peak Lord for Hidden Peak because she refuses to be caught unawares by a dangerous secret ever again... also because she’s a mean sneaky bitch and owns it

Having more than one sibling for the Sect Leader to blatantly favour means less wholesale resentment directed at Mads-Jiu as well

However the Jiu part of them has memories from PIDW and also SVSSS - so he knows that shit is going to get horrible once Su Xiyan gets knocked up

Obviously the answer is to seduce all of his fellow peak lords into a glorious polyamorous clusterfuck so as to promote skinship and pack bonding and harmony among the sect leadership

(It worked for PIDW Binghe with his wives and SVSSS Shen Yuan with getting Bing-mei to chill his tits after all and nobody can trip you into bed quite like a shinobi)

And so Cang Qiong’s family aesthetics get rocked so hard that instead of panting after his Shizun baby disciple Binghe decides to seduce his peers...

... and his rivals

... and other sect’s disciples

... and the occasional demon

Mads-Jiu is really proud of his baby demon lord but makes sure not to single Binghe out - instead every Qing Jing disciple gets rewarded and punished at the same time

It promotes bonding! And teamwork!

And prevents the utter destruction of Mads-Jiu’s chrysanthemum via oversized demonic pillar!

There is totally going to be an extra where Mads-Jiu realizes that the average size of a male cultivators pillar is DANGEROUSLY EXCESSIVE

NOBODY NEEDS THAT MUCH PILLAR

Even HIS pillar hasn’t escaped the curse

BIGGER IS NOT BETTER!

How the fuck is he supposed to fight if he can’t even wear pants comfortably!?!?

(No wait come back Mu-shidi this shixiong is sorry it wasn’t mockery it was a perfectly reasonable tantrum that was a long time coming now stop sulking your dick is very pretty let shixiong make it up to you~)

And at some point there will be a wild Bing-ge who appears to cause trouble with a mirror that’s intended to temporarily transform people into the form of their last life - he aims it at the native Bingbing to get him out of the way so he can steal the “nice” Shizun

It would have been Pom time for Bingbing but Mads-Jiu pushes him out of the way

And cue giant explosion of dark Qi as a bonus expansion pack of Madara’s 10-tail Jinchuriki time with powers-and-memories gets downloaded into Mads-Jiu

Mads-Jiu the “Heavenly Demon Demi God” drops several mountains worth of flaming meteor rock on the invaders and then goes on a giant flaming skeleton rampage against Bing-ge

... Bing-ge has changed his mind he doesn’t want this Shizun take him back and oh gods the shrieking

How does he shriek so loud? Doesn’t he need to breathe?

... ok so Shizun breathes fire that’s good to know

Whelps time to bravely run away

And then the amassed sects need to figure out how to calm down the rampaging hell beast

The youngest Qing Jing disciple is brought out and told to cry for Shizun

Actually-a-broody-hen!Mads-Jiu whips around and starts fussing over his baby student

Because baby why are you crying stop it tell Shizun who hurt you and he will BURN THEM TO ASH

The last bit I have an idea for involves Mads-Jiu getting yanked though dimensions because Edo Tensei where he instantly twigs to what is going on and pushes the “righteous cultivator” skin to maximum strength

He shoves all the baby ninja behind him and keeps barrier spamming the zombie army - because ew no stay away from the children resentful corpses

Zetsu is included in the zombie army shall not pass smack down

Zombie!Tobirama is appalled because wut? Wasn’t this supposed to be Madara’s zombie? What is happening?

And I dunno something where he “notices” the resentful energy surrounding Danzo because stealing the eyes of the people you murdered is bad karma

So Mads-Jiu does a spirit thing and the ghosts of the Uchiha rips Danzo apart while screaming about his guilt in full view of the entire Village

And then Mads-Jiu goes home because filial little Bingbing came to get him and he’s not enjoying upending the shinobi social order nope not at all whom exactly do you take him for?

... Yes he’s done and ready to go back to his spouses now he’s sure the ninja have all learned better than to raise living corpses now anyway

The end

=/=

#Sanjuno's ficwork #fic I haven't written yet #Spite and Fury #PEDW is a hive of SCUM and VILLIANY #Madara and Jiu are sharing a body #System done fucked that revenge plot up #Villain Team Up cranked to 111 #sanjuno's metafic #NRT x SVSSS

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thefanficmonster · 4 years ago

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Late Nights

Andrew (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope) x Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: Fluff, a bit of Angst

Summary: Late nights are famously accompanied by deep conversations. The type to keep you up like a full dose of caffeine. Those are the best, most relaxing and freeing conversations you’ll ever experience. Good thing Andrew and Y/N are the perfect company for each other when it comes to those exact talks.

Requested by Anon. Hello! I’m sorry there is no specifications on your request. You requested for some Andrew x Reader fluff and this idea immediately dawned on me haha. I hope you like it and I’m so terribly sorry for the wait. Hopefully the final product makes it worth your while. Looking forward to hearing your feedback and receiving any other requests you may have! Love, Vy ❤

A random notification sounds from my phone, scaring me out of my peaceful, dreamless slumber. Oh wait, I’m not in my bed. I’m sitting at my desk, surrounded with sheets of paper with notes I’m supposed to memorize by my 8 AM exam. Speaking of that exam, it’s in less than five hours. I’ve been studying for what feels like days, but my head still feels as empty as it was at the start of the semester. The way I see it, I have two options: I can either die from a caffeine overdose or from the heart attack this exam will cause me. No in-between and no other options. Just death. Maybe not in the literal sense, but if you ask me, burn-out should be considered death and that’s exactly what I feel right now. And the fucking exam hasn’t even happened yet, for fuck’s sake!

I lift my head to look at the clock on the wall and instantly get dizzy. Thankfully, I’m still seated. Damn, this calls for more caffeine.

“Hey T, can you -“ I look behind me in search of my roommate who’s supposed to be pulling this all-nighter with me. Needless to say, she has perished.

I already have an idea of where she might be, but the sticky note she has left on my dresser confirms it.

~ Daniel has more notes. Come to the floor lounge

Oh, hell no. I am not that committed to passing this exam. I am not about to be a third-wheel for five hours and feel miserable afterwards. Correction: More miserable than I’m already going to feel. Good thing there are two staircases on either side of the floor so I don’t have to pass through the lounge in order to get to the dining hall. That’s the only place I could obtain coffee and if I don’t I might just die right here on this desk.

I put my slippers on, throwing a jacket over my pajamas as well. It’s January and the dorms could not be colder. I swear to God, they are trying to build our immunity and resistance to cold one freezing night at a time. The heating doesn’t do much even if it’s on, which is a rare occurrence considering it’s faulty and doesn’t work 80% of the time. I leave the dorm, quietly shutting and locking the door behind me before taking the right hallway instead of the left. I wander around the dimly lit hallways, some of which don’t have lighting at all, my arms folded over my chest in a pointless attempt to bring myself more warmth than the jacket is able to provide me. No matter what I do, I can’t get rid of the intense shaking that started from my torso and has now spread as far as my bottom jaw.

I navigate the halls, mumbling curse words to myself while doing so. Having taken the long way, I have an extra two minutes or so of freezing before I can find myself in the warm and cozy dorm. Taylor and I bought a small heater for Christmas cause we were not having it with the shitty heating system. Must say, that’s a better investment than all the money I threw to be here.

The dining hall is dark as usual. The only lights are the exit sign and some small lights on the vending machines. And the glorious coffee machine! I can just imagine myself turning into a heart-eyed emoji looking at it.

“All-nighter?“

The voice is so sudden and so out of place, it startles me to the point of letting out a half-scream and immediately backing away towards the entrance of the dining hall.

“Hey, it’s ok. It’s me.“ A light appears at one of the tables, illuminating the person holding it.

I sigh in relief when I finally get a good look at the person opposite me. It’s Andrew - a classmate and friend of mine. We have creative writing together and a few other classes. We’re in the same friend group as well. I started hanging out with him more through Taylor’s boyfriend Daniel who’s roommates with him. I’m glad I met them both, they are really fun to be around. However, recently, Andrew hasn’t been himself. It might be a stretch, but I think it’s because of the upcoming field trip our creative writing professor John has organized. I have tried asking him what has been bothering him but he always brushes off my concerns by claiming nothing’s wrong.

“Jeez, Andrew. You scared me half to death.“ I place a hand over my racing heart, taking a deep breath to calm myself down, “You’re lucky I didn’t chuck anything at you.“

He has the audacity to laugh. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” He puts his phone on the table, flashlight facing up at the ceiling, “What are you doing here, anyway?”

I return to my previous task, “Getting coffee, can’t do without it. What about you? Do you just hang out here, waiting for student-zombies to scare?” I get my four cups of coffee, balancing them in a very risky way to where he’s sitting. “Want one?”

His eyes widen, “These are all for you?” I nod, “And they are all just straight espressos?” I nod again, “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

I scoff, “That’s plan B. For now, I’m just trying to stay awake.” I knock back one of the cups, trying hard not to cringe at the unpleasant flavor due to the lack of sugar. “You didn’t answer my question.” I say after getting over the initial battle to get the coffee down without puking.

He hesitates, rhythmically tapping his fingers on the tabletop. I can tell he has spaced out, leaving me unsure of weather I should nudge him again or let him return to reality at his own time.

“I, uh....I had a nightmare.“ He says despite his eyes still carrying that thousand yard stare. “Daniel wasn’t there, and I didn’t want to stay alone in the dorm, so I came here. A lot more open. Not so suffocating.“

I frown, “What was the nightmare like?” I don’t try to hide my concern, there is no reason to do so. I want him to know I care, that I am and I always will be there for him. Even if it’s just as a friend, I will take what I can get. This is not the time to be thinking of anything more than being a good friend and helping Andrew.

He shrugs, his eyes slowly lifting to meet mine. Unfortunately, it doesn’t last cause he shakes his head, breaking eye-contact again, “You’ll think it’s ridiculous.“

I put my hand on top of his, stopping the repetitive tapping of his fingers. This causes him to reconnect our gazes. After a two second confirmation that he won’t look away, I speak up, “You could tell me elves chased you around with axes and I still wouldn’t say that, Andrew. Come on, talk to me.”

He sighs, nodding his head. I take this as a positive sign and give him an encouraging smile. Instinctively, I start withdrawing my hand as I lean back in my seat. To my surprise, he turns his hand, taking a hold of mine when he begins to speak.

“They started a week ago, when John told us about the trip to Little Hope.“ he still hesitates, but I still consider it progress. “It’s always one of two nightmares - it’s either a housefire which non of us survive or...I can’t even explain the other one.“

I give his hand a comforting squeeze, “Take your time. I know it’s tough.”

“Um, we are at this ruin of a house and we, well, you guys get attacked by these deformed, demonic monstrosities. I can’t get to you. I can’t save you. Darkness takes over my brain and all I hear is horrified screams and calls for help. And then I wake up. Terrified.“

I am terrified just picturing it, let alone experiencing it. I’d probably sob like a baby and refuse to go to sleep ever again. “That’s horrible, Andrew. I’m so sorry you have to go through that.” I pause for a second, “Little Hope is a place with terrible history, I can’t blame you for being so hesitant about going. I’m a sucker for these types of places, but I completely understand your angle.”

He chuckles, “Yeah, I believe I overheard you saying you’d like to visit Centralia.“

I can’t help but smile, “Oh, I’d love to.”

Suddenly, completely out of the blue, he gets a spark in his eye. He becomes livelier, almost like new life was breathed into him. Pushing back his chair, he stands up and takes the remainder of coffee cups. “Well, that’s not gonna happen if you kill yourself.” Without batting an eye at my baffled expression, he throws the cups in the trashcan near by. “Let me help you with the studying. Two work better than one, after all. I’m sure you’ll grasp everything better if you have an actual person explaining it to you. Also, I’d like to make up for the time you wasted here with me.”

I get up as well, “No need, seriously. I can figure it out. Apart from feeling so energized I could run a marathon, my brain is working a lot better now. You go try to catch some z’s.” I wave my hand dismissively but he catches it mid-motion, mumbling a quick ‘come on’ before leading me out of the dining hall and towards the staircase I took earlier.

* * *

It’s been about two days since that night and history is over here repeating itself. I am, once again, pulling an all-nighter, this time alone because no one else from my friend group shares this class with me. You’d think I would have learned my lesson and would start studying at a reasonable time, granting myself both peace of mind and a better functioning brain, but NOPE. Actually, I’m beginning to think I can’t study at any other time of day. The late nights/early mornings give me the best atmosphere. Those hours before dawn are the quietest I’ve ever had the chance to experience - for studying and just chilling on the roof of the dorms. The dining hall is still a place I frequent. I can’t help but hope to run into Andrew every time I walk in that big, eerie room. I haven’t been so lucky, though. We got the results of our last exam today and I was, and still am overjoyed for the grade I got. Not only was it a passing one, it was a SOLID passing one. I can swear, if it wasn’t for Andrew’s help, I would’ve failed it with the lowest score in the class.

“How does this work...?“ I mumble in frustration, reading through the poorly written notes I’ve made. Full disclosure - this is my nap class. This is the class I spend spacing out and - as its title suggests - taking naps. I am surprised I have as many notes as I do.

Taylor, being the great friend she is, refused to budge from our dorm, determined to help me in any way she could. I appreciate the gesture, don’t get me wrong, but having another person would defeat the purpose of being up this late, so I talked her into sticking to her original plan - hanging out with Andrew and Daniel at their dorm while I fry my brain cells.

Just as I’m about to take a sip of my third coffee for the night, my phone starts ringing. I look at the phone screen that’s displaying Andrew’s name and straighten up in my chair, ready to launch myself out the door in case he needs my help. Screw the exam.

“Hello? You ok? What’s wrong?“ I blabber into the phone after picking up the call

“Hey, sorry for bothering you. Hope I didn’t wake you up. Um, I had another nightmare....never mind. Sorry for calling.“ His voice is shaky and hesitant, almost as if he’s speaking with zero air in his lungs.

My concern shoots through the roof, “Don’t you ‘never mind’ me! And don’t apologize! Meet me in the dining hall in five minutes.” I jump to my feet, pulling my jacket on with my unoccupied arm.

He sighs, “I’m already there.“

I nod distractedly, momentarily forgetting that he can’t see me, before leaving the dorm. I power walk the familiar hallways, the only reason I’m not running being the late hour and the trouble I’d get in for the noise.

I stop right outside the dining hall doors, giving myself five seconds to compose myself so I won’t look absolutely unhinged when I walk in. I get that it’s pointless, considering I have massive bags under my soulless eyes, but a girl can try.

Pushing the door open, I am met with small, flickering dots of light hovering over one of the tables. The outline of Andrew’s silhouette is also visible, but nothing more. It takes me a second to realize the lights I was looking at were three small candles.

“Andrew?“ I whisper-call his name while I’m still at a distance of about ten feet, cautious not to freak him out by approaching without making my presence known.

As I near the table, the candle-light illuminates his face enough for me to be able to see that he doesn’t look at all like what he sounded like over the phone. Something about his gaze when his eyes meet mine screams ‘I’m so glad you’re here’, but then again, that might be wishful thinking. Apart from that, he looks rather normal - not like someone who just had the most horrific of nightmares. Actually, I think I can see a hint of a smile forming at the corners of his lips.

“Hey Y/N.“ He greets me, “Ready to study?“ He points to the several notebooks and sheets of paper neatly stacked on the table. Next to that pile is a similar one of snacks.

My eyes widen, “Wait, what? What is this?“ I narrow my eyes at him, “Is this your way of dealing with the nightmares or something? It’s completely ok if it is, don’t get me wrong...“

He shakes his head, the smile now fully formed on his face, “No, Y/N. I actually haven’t had a nightmare since that night you found me here. This...” he motions to the table, “...is several things. First of all, a celebration for your passed exam. Second, a thank you - cause I believe you’re the reason the nightmares stopped. I just needed to talk to someone about them and you were the only person I could do that with properly. And third, I know you have an exam in a few hours, so I wanted to help. We make great study-buddies, don’t you agree?”

I’m honestly speechless, “You schemer.” I’m smiling and blushing like crazy and I couldn’t be happier to be surrounded by darkness at this moment. “How did you even get these notes? You’re not in that class.”

He gives me a conspiring smirk, “That’s classified info.” He hands me a coke can, “No more coffee for you tonight.”

“You interrupted me on my third cup, but better late than never I guess.“ I giggle taking the handed soda and taking a seat on the chair opposite him. “Thank you so much, Andrew. Really, it means a lot to me. How am I supposed to repay you for this?“ I can tell he’s about to protest so I hurry to stop him, “No, no, no. You can’t change my mind on that.“

He sighs in defeat I can only guess is fake, taking the smirk on his face into consideration. He contemplates whatever’s on his mind for a second, buying himself time while he opens a soda can for himself. I copy his action, opening mine as well. “Um, well, there is one way I can think of....” he trails off, avoiding eye-contact. The brief moment I manage to catch his gaze I give him a nod, encouraging him to go on. “How about calling this a date?”

I am shocked. No, ‘pleasantly surprised’ is a better term to use. ‘Overjoyed’ an even better one.

The blush I thought couldn’t get any darker or more wide-spread just proved me wrong. Despite the chilliness of the dining hall, my face, neck and ears are on fire. Once again, a big thank you goes to the darkness that surrounds us.

Instead of showing off how surprised and happy I am, I lift my soda can in the air, “It’s a date then.”

His smirk turns into a relieved smile as he takes his can, clinking it against mine, “It’s a date.”

@sparrow-gg @artlovingbre @chairtiger

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the-homicidediaries · 3 years ago

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Issei Sagawa

“Sometimes I wonder why I did such a horrible thing. Maybe it’s because I come from another planet, or another dimension and accidentally fell to Earth like a meteorite, disguised as a baby crying on the street. My mother walked by and took pity on me. I must have come from a place of cannibals, and I’m the only one of my kind who exists on this planet.”

Good afternoon, everyone who takes the time to read this!

Today, I have the very displeasure of telling you about one of the most.. bizarre human beings I have ever read about.

I have been interested in true crime ever since I could remember. My father is really interested in it as well, so growing up there were always books laying around about the worst of the worst kind of people. Even to this day, my dad and I share stories we heard or a new podcast we listened to or swap books; it’s real fun. And when you are heavily interested in true crime, you hear and see so many similar stories. This person had an abusive childhood and became a serial killer, this person was not longer interested in being a family man so he killed his whole family and moved away to start a new life, this person was strung out on drugs, this person caught her husband cheating on her and stabbed him as a crime of passion, etc. And while I am not downplaying or excusing these murders AT ALL, because no one should be murdered, I do find myself skipping stories like that. They don’t check my boxes.

Cannibals check my box. And I have, admittedly, unconsciously, been surrounding myself with cannibalistic aspects. I just finished (another) three part podcast about Jeffrey Dahmer, I’m reading My Friend Dahmer, and watching Attack on Titan like my life depends on it. (Attack on Titan is a Japanese manga series turned into a long running anime about three conjoined towns who are constantly being attacked and eaten by the HUGE human-like zombie creatures, but that is for another day.)

Have I rambled enough? Yes. Yes, I think so. Let’s get into ittttt.

Issei Sagawa, known as Pang or The Kobe Cannibal, was born on April 26th, 1949 in Kobe, Japan to a very wealthy family. Issei has said himself that his childhood was the happiest time of his life and he was a carefree child. He said his parents love him deeply. One thing to note about Issei is that he was born prematurely (and he looks.. off) and doctors did not think he would survive. Issei said because of this, he has always seen himself as an undesirable person. So, instead of friends, Issei had books! Because his family was so wealthy, Issei was afforded an incredible education and was able to travel all over the world and learn about music, art, literature, etc. He was very interested in art. This will come back around later.

So how does a rich, seemingly normal, intelligent child become a cannibal? Issei contributes a few things to this: *Issei said his first cannibalistic urge happened when he was in first grade and saw a fellow classmate’s thighs. *Issei said sex was a taboo subject around his household. He said when he had reached a certain age, he began having erections, like all boys do, but he thought he was sick and was too embarrassed to tell anyone. He didn’t know how to relieve himself at this time.. soooo. He, uh, got help from his dog. Yeah. Yeeeah. (I watched an interview he did with Vice about ten years ago, which I will link below, and watching him describe this so nonchalantly made me the most uncomfortable. Actually, he is nonchalant the entire interview and it’s so disturbing and uncomfy. At one point he says, “I think my sexual desires began to distort around that time.” Yeah, I would say so, buddy.) *Issei said he would have a reoccurring dream where he and his brother were being boiled in a large pot to be eaten. Issei said he flipped the script and began to fantasize about what it would be like to eat someone. As with most premeditated killers, his fantasies escalated from curiosity to behavior. *Issei was obsessed with western women. He said they are tall and beautiful and he has described himself as a “weak, ugly, and small man”. In an interview after what he keeps calling an “incident”, Issei claimed one of the reasons he consumed human flesh was to “absorb her energy”.

Issei said he did practice a good amount of restraint for his cannibalistic urges until his college years. While attending Wako University in Tokyo, Issei said he saw a beautiful, blonde, German woman walking by and he was “dazzled by her white thighs”. One day, he broke into this woman’s apartment on the ground floor. He said his plan was to hit her in the head with an umbrella so he could get a knife from her kitchen and cut into her buttocks and eat it. He was extremely hesitant and his knees accidentally brushed against her stomach, waking her up. She screamed and Issei fled. Police charged him with attempted rape. Issei said he did explain to psychiatrists about his sexual urges but they didn’t consider it cannibalism and let him go.

After this, Akira (his father) sent Issei to study comparative literature at Sorbonne University in France in 1981. In the interview, as Issei is recalling this, he said his mother had the an extremely sad look on her face the day he was leaving, “like she knew something horrible was going to happen”. (I could think of a reason why.)

Issei had not forgotten about how close he had gotten to fulfilling his fantasy of eating a European woman back in Tokyo. He was convinced if he was more prepared he could follow through with it flawlessly. He said when he moved to France, he would bring home a sex worker almost every night, but everytime he tried to shoot her, his fingers would freeze. While studying at Sorbonne University, Issei set his eyes on 25-year old Dutch student, Renée Hartevelt. Issei said Renée was so beautiful and he had never seen anyone like her before. (She really was stunning and looked like such a sweet person.) He also said he didn’t want to get caught staring at her, so he began making sketches of her. From what I read, and I do not know how accurate this is, the two started as friends and eventually Issei began to pursue Renée romantically. He would take her on dates to art museums and dinner. When he confessed his feelings for her, she insisted they just remain friends because she was not sexually attracted to him. So Issei lied to Renée and told her his professor wanted him to record some German poetry. Renée didn’t think anything about helping out a fellow classmate, so she was happy to come over and help. Issei said he picked out the poem she read, and as she was reading the poem out loud at his desk, he pulled a rifle out of a closet and shot her in the neck. He said she kept reciting the poem after he shot her, then she just.. stopped. Issei said he fainted after he shot her and when he came to he almost called an ambulance for her, but he knew he would regret it if he lost this opportunity to act out his fantasies.

I am going to quote Issei verbatim from his interview with Vice.

TRIGGER WARNING

“I lied to her that my professor wanted some German poetry recorded. That was the pretext. She didn’t doubt a thing. I chose the poetry. I reached for the gun while she was reading. I was talking to her with a smile on my face. I was really scared. Yet I did pull the trigger. She... kept on talking... until suddenly she fell silent. First she collapsed onto the desk, then fell to the ground with the chair. I laid a towel under her head then undressed her. I had everything planned out in my head from which part i would start feasting on and such. Starting with her ass. I thought it looked the most delicious. It had to be the right cheek, not the left. The left cheek is closer to the heart and I’m scared of blood. I abruptly bit into it, but it was too hard to bite into. It hurt my jaw. I tried cutting in with a fruit knife but it didn’t go through. I gave up and went to the market. I bought a curved meat knife. Finally it went through the flesh. I thought I’d see red meat right away, but there was a yellow corn-like substance, which I later found out was fat. I had to cut deeply to reach the red meat. I don’t remember if I sliced it off, or tore it off with my fingers. I put most of my favorite parts, like the thighs, in the fridge.”

My face right now.

He’s leaving out a lot of details on this.. right after he shot Renée, he had sex with her corpse. And, like I said before, he is so nonchalant about all of this. He ate a LOT of her. I saw a picture of eleven paper plates loaded with human flesh, muscles, and fat. Both of her breasts, her nose, her tongue, her bottom lip, and most of her lower half (her hips, middle of her stomach, and thighs) was missing. He did say he tried to eat her breast, but it was mostly fat and he didn’t enjoy it. Her buttocks, however, “(It) melted in my mouth like raw tuna in a sushi restaurant.” He continued to try different parts of Renée’s body. He would fry pieces of her and eat other parts with mustard. He even decapitated her. He took pictures of Renée’s mutilated body and would have sex with it while listening to the recording of her reading the German poem.

For four days.

He mentioned how June is the hottest month in Paris and he was worried the body would start to rot. So he took Renée’s body to the bathroom and cut her up so he could get rid of it. (He also mentioned after finishing his graduate program, he wanted to go to Greece. He said he took a big luxurious boat and actually shared a table with a butcher and his wife during dinner. He said the butcher was a fat, jolly man and told him how to butcher meat. Issei wrote a letter to the butcher after “the incident” thanking him. He said the butcher never wrote back.)

One he had cut the body up into pieces, he placed the pieces into two suitcases and, made plans to dump the body in a lake in Bois de Boulogne, called in a cab. “It wasn’t easy getting the body into [the suitcases]. The torso is extremely heavy. It’s really hard to cut to begin with. It’s nothing like a horror movie.” When the cab driver picked up Issei’s suitcases to put them in the cab, he asked Issei if he had a dead body in them. (That tidbit made me really sad.)

Once Issei reached the lake, he pushed the suitcases down the slope. He vastly underestimated how light it still was outside at 8 pm. He said several people were sunbathing still. The sun was setting across the lake, and Issei said for the first time, he saw color. He was fascinated watching a young boy and his grandfather at the top of a hill and while he was distracted, another man came up, opened one of the suitcases, and saw a bloody bedsheet with legs wrapped in it. A woman screamed and someone else yelled, “Murderer!” Issei said he just walked away.

Issei was, of course, arrested. He was interrogated by three psychiatrists who deemed him mentally insane. Issei was sent to a criminal psych ward, but before he could even begin treatment, he was deported back to Japan because the French people were very uncomfortable with him being there at their expense. Once Issei arrived back in Japan, he mentioned the hospital he was staying at didn’t conclude that he was mentally ill, just that he had a personality disorder. Issei was forced to leave the hospital without undergoing any treatment. He did not serve any time in prison for ungodly crimes he had committed. Actually, in a weird turn of events, he became a local celebrity. He became an author, had several interviews, has illustrated mangas (that’s why I mentioned he loves art), made porn, and was even a food critic. He even travelled to Canada, Mexico, and Iceland with two friends of him. I don’t have time to cover all of that because that in itself could be a whole other essay, but like I said, I will link the YouTube video I watched below.

And that is the gruesome, awful, gut wrenching story of Issei Sagawa.

Below are pictures of Issei Sagawa and his victim, Renée Hartevelt. I am also linking the Vice interview on YouTube as well as the crime scene photos. Please view at your own risk.

Thank you for reading. <3

Crime scene photos: https://murderpedia.org/male.S/s/sagawa-issei-photos-2.htm Vice Interview: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BosZxa1bYcE&t=336s

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pixiealtaira · 6 years ago

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Clued In

Kurtoberfest prompt three: werewolves

written in 2018 but not finished until December...when I got tired of Christmas prompts and my brain cried.

Pairing: Klaine BUT NOT Blaine or Klaine friendly. Moving towards Sam and Kurt.

Kurt Hummel was sitting on a hay bale, lost. And very upset.

He should have just outright refused when Blaine suggested they all head out to the corn maze north of Westerville and meet up with some of the guys from Dalton. Rachel of course took him up on it when Blaine told her it would be a great opportunity to spy on the Warblers and the rest fell into line when Rachel declared it a ‘chance of a lifetime’ and ‘fun to boot’. Most were feeling sorry for her after she got banned from singing in sectionals after the whole ballot box thing…and those who didn’t give in for that reason and spying on the Warblers gave in so Sam could have a fun activity to welcome him back.

Corn mazes are dusty and itchy after all. He could have refused. It was after Halloween…he just should have insisted that the season for corn mazes was passed. Rachel would have tossed a fit and Blaine would have been mad but no one else would have batted an eye.

But he didn’t.

And he should have put his foot down when Blaine decided they should spilt up into small groups that were mixed between the schools and that he would hang with Sebastian and Thad and some of the kids Sebastian wanted for the Warblers…all under the guise of being there to give his opinion of the potential new Warblers. And Kurt didn’t put up a fuss when Blaine told Kurt he should just stick with Santana and Brittany, who Blaine didn’t trust with any Dalton boys…and who ditched Kurt within three turns of stepping into the maze…without question cards so Kurt had no hints at all which turn to take at which turning point.

But he didn’t.

So he had no one with him when he turned the corner three turns and four long straight paths back and walked into Blaine and Sebastian rolling in the hay…both figuratively and literally. No one to see Sebastian’s triumphant smirk…or hear Blaine tell Sebastian that this was more fun than last time…or witness the multitude of love bites covering Blaine’s exposed body, several which were not new. So there would be no one to believe him…he was sure.

On the good note, no one was there to see Kurt’s tears or hear him sob as he lay on the hale bale where he’d finally stopped running from the sight. And there didn’t seem to be anyone around to hear him scream either. Well, call out anyway…he hadn’t resorted to screaming quite yet. Except for the one he’d released in anger and frustration and fury about Blaine.

The hay bale was at a spot where it was a four way intersection, so Kurt figured he was bound to see someone sooner rather than later. He was perched under the sign with the werewolf instead of the sign with the zombie. They were bound to mean something if he had the code cards…but he didn’t, so they didn’t.

He called out again, just shouting “hello….anyone nearby?” into the void, and mentally berated himself once again for leaving his cellphone in his car like Blaine insisted.

He didn’t get an answer. He considered getting up and trying to find his way out…again. Standing on the hay bale had not helped at all, so figuring out his way out would be a massive bunch of guesses. Then he remembered his dad’s rules of wilderness interaction…which he decided this decidedly was. One of those rules…stay you ass put if you are lost.

Kurt sighed. He’d give staying put twenty minutes. The corn maze was only so big…he could stay lost but if he didn’t come home his dad would call and if TONS of people came out to hunt the corn maze he’d surely be found even if he did move. However twenty minutes was a LONG time to be bored.

The first thing he tried he figured was a two prong attack on bored and being lost. Rachel always seemed to show up when he sang songs that were ‘hers’…so he started with Defying Gravity…complete with the high notes he blew to keep peace. It didn’t bring Rachel storming into the intersection, but he was rather proud of himself. He moved on to On My Own from Les Mis and On My Own from Fame, the theme song from Fame, and then I Dreamed a Dream.

Rachel didn’t come storming to get him, however…he was enjoying the whole singing loudly and fully without anyone telling him to hush. There wasn’t anyone commenting on his voice, or his songs choices…or telling him he had to sing just one certain way.

So…Kurt decided to sing things he knew no one would accept from him and so he never even considered singing during glee club. He sang Loch Lomond and Danny Boy. He sang How Great Thou Art and Amazing Grace…(and fully expected Quinn or Mercedes to show up and accuse him of believing in God…which he didn’t, but he liked the songs)…and Come Thou Fount and The Prayer. Then Kurt turned to those songs he knew would really have ...shocked… the others. He started with Ring Of Fire…safe enough choice. Kurt moved into Fishin’ In the Dark and Friends With Tractors. He was just starting into Achy Breaky Heart when Sam came dashing down from the side that zombie sign was placed towards.

“I thought it was you…but Artie told me it was impossible, because you didn’t know songs like the ones we kept hearing.” Sam exclaimed.

“Can you get us out of here?” Kurt asked.

“I can get us back to Artie, and then I think between the three of us we can get out of here.”

“Good…I’m done with this. Oh, I’m also done with Blaine.”

“Done with Blaine?” Sam asked, making sure Kurt was following him towards where he’d left Artie.

“Breaking up with him done. I will not tolerate cheating, especially when one is uncouth enough to literally roll in the hay…in public…where children could have seen.”

“He did what?” Sam shouted.

“Who did what?” Artie shouted.

Kurt followed Sam around the bend at the end of the straight run…the bend towards the Werewolf.

“That was Kurt!?” Artie yelled again.

“I told you it was Kurt. Blaine did a what…so Kurt is breaking up with him.” Sam said.

“But Kurt sings Madonna and Lady Gaga and Broadway. Kurt doesn’t sing country.” Artie said.

“I sing pretty much everything…no one ever asks. Everyone set me in a box by day two of glee club and never let me out of it. Blaine cheated…enough said. I cried already…then I sat on an itchy hay bale for too long and now I’m mad...and itchy. And done with this place. Do you have the damn clue cards?”

“Yep. This junction’s question is…Remus Lupin is a ….go right for Werewolf or left for Zombie.”

It took them ten minutes to complete the corn maze…with Artie surprised Kurt knew the Zombie question’s answers even when they were too obscure for him and Sam.

“So…Zombies and Country Music…” Artie asked as they relaxed next to the snack shack by the parking lot.

“I had a zombie phase in 8th grade and county music is one of the top music choices at the garage. I also sing some mean Dixie Chicks.” Kurt said. “When can we head home?”

Sam laughed. “When everyone else exits the maze.”

Kurt sighed. “I’m pretty certain I’m developing a rash. Cover-up will not conquer hives.”

Artie laughed. “And he’s back.”

Kurt stuck his tongue out at Artie and the conversation turned to the Muppet Show, of all things.

The others started trickling out of the maze in twos and threes and then about half the others who’d run into each other at one point and then figured the more the better. Artie left to hang with Puck and Mike when they got out.

Kurt scratched at his arms and legs and back. Blaine and Sebastian and none of the kids who’d gone into the maze with them were out yet, nor was Finn and Rachel or Santana and Brittany. Quinn was surrounded by Dalton boys who were hanging onto her every word and Tina was by Artie and Mike and Puck.

Sam stuck by Kurt.

“We could just leave them here. Especially Blaine and Sebastian. I was so upset I threw myself onto that damned hay bale and cried on it…and then sat on it because in running from them I got lost and now I’m going to be one huge mass of rash. So we could just leave them here…and they could suffer. And they probably won’t, I mean even though they were near naked on the damn things I bet neither gets a rash…just me…heartbreak and rash. I hate corn mazes. And hay. And I can see pumpkins so I’m even finding myself feeling negative about them…and I love pumpkins.”

Sam pulled Kurt’s hand off his arm…where he was scratching. He took Kurt’s hand in his and just held it.

Kurt stilled and looked at Sam. “If someone sees they might get the wrong impression.” Kurt whispered.

Sam smiled. “I doubt it.”

“Finn will…” Kurt whispered even softer.

“He could, but right now you need a friend and you need to not scratch. This gives you both. I don’t care what Finn thinks…or anyone else. I’d offer a hug but it might make you even more miserable.”

Kurt chuckled. “Probably would. Last time I got like this I had to wear soft worn cotton for a week and a half…and I have just one t-shirt and one pair of lounge pants that will work right now.”

“Was it the hay bales last time?” Sam asked.

“No, it was the actually grass type last time…in some field. It was on a field trip when I was seven. I’ve been on hay bales since and not had any reaction, but those were mostly alfalfa. These must not be mostly alfalfa, but have grass I was irritated by in them.” Kurt sighed.

“You aren’t going to be able to drive home…I could drive for you.” Sam said.

Kurt smiled at him. “I wouldn’t mind that. Finn can’t drive my baby. He’s not allowed. I don’t trust him at all behind the wheel.”

Sam laughed. “I don’t blame you. I fear my life half the time when he drives. Who all did you drive here?”

“Blaine.”

“That was it?” Kurt nodded.

“Does Blaine have his phone on him?” Sam asked.

“He took it with him.”

“Text him that you are heading home and he needs to catch a ride with someone else. I’ll call Finn and tell him Blaine needs a ride home and that we are leaving now. And I’m going to run over and tell Mike. Blaine should be covered with all that.”

“See the blond boy over by Quinn. Tell him as well, he’ll make sure Blaine gets home. Tell him I’m having a reaction to something and have to go.”

Sam took off to talk to Mike and Jeff. Kurt headed to his SUV. He fetched his phone and texted Blaine. He also texted Rachel…and Quinn. The message was simple. ”Bad reaction to something in hay. Need to go home. Sam is going to drive me. Blaine needs to find his own way home.”

Kurt reached behind the driver’s seat and found his ‘emergency’ box. He fetched the mittens from inside. Sam couldn’t drive and hold his hand after all.

Sam was running towards the SUV he turned to head over to the passenger side.

“Done. Finn answered his phone, too…so the message was spoken to him. Are you wearing mittens?” Sam asked.

Kurt nodded. “You can’t exactly hold my hand while driving.”

Sam smiled. “I could try, but that perhaps is for some other time. Climb in and lets head out. Oh, call your dad so he knows, right?”

Kurt called his dad as soon as he was settled.

He scratched the whole time he was on the phone. He even tried to scratch at his arms and side using the hand holding his phone.

The moment he finished talking to his dad, Sam held his hand out for the phone, which he then tucked into the driver’s side door pocket. “Choose a radio station you can listen to the whole drive and then mittens on.”

Kurt sighed and nodded. He pushed on of the preset station buttons and oldies filled the air.

Sam smiled.

The next few hours were filled with singing along with the Everly Brothers and Elvis and to songs like Teen Angel and Leader of the Pack. Kurt asked about Sam’s family and Sam listened as Kurt voiced his worries over everything from NYADA and having enough on his application to Blaine and why he wasn’t enough. And Kurt listened to Sam’s worries about his family’s finances without him there to help and his worries about his studies and the difficulties his dyslexia was causing. Sam convinced Kurt to apply to other schools and to apply in multiple disciplines. Kurt told Sam he would start tutoring him and they’d tackle finding some other help for his dyslexia as well.

And Sam talked about his love life…or lack of…and who he had dated while in Kentucky and the messy break-up right before he came back to Lima…and Tennessee before his first move to Lima. And how it wasn’t always a girl he dated, but the treatment of people had terrified him when he first got to Lima, so he stayed quiet. But that was why Kurt hadn’t upset him or made him uncomfortable when Kurt tried to get him to sing for the Duets competition. And Kurt spoke about how Blaine’s actions had hurt and why…and the episode in the Scandals parking lot and giving in to try to keep Blaine.

“We should hang out together for a while and avoid dating. People come up to us and say…you should start dating again, we should commit to saying ‘no not right now’ and back each other up. I have no need for a girlfriend that will cheat on me again and you have no need for a boyfriend who will cheat on you. I think hanging out and doing things with each other will give us a better chance as staying single.” Sam said. “We will recover from the ridiculousness our last relationships were…allow ourselves to mend from the abusiveness of them...because I think both our last relationship were probably abusive. I mean I’d call what you went through abusive and manipulative.”

“And yours was just as bad, if not worse. I think it was creepy how people let a girl play those games. Who sits by and watches as someone tells another youngster that if they break-up with her she’ll kill herself and it will be there fault?”

“The youth pastor. I think his response when my mother got upset after I told her what was going on and how he told me I couldn’t hurt a girl by breaking her heart like I was by breaking up with her was what made it so my mom was fine with my leaving Kentucky. As far as I know she hasn’t even tried to kill herself…she just talks it when a guy she doesn’t want to break-up with yet breaks it off. But I couldn’t stand it anymore…she was trying to get me to drop art club because there were girls in the club and I might talk to them. She complained about me spending time with Stacie.”

Kurt shuddered.

Sam noticed and looked at Kurt. “That is how I felt when you told me about Blaine and his behavior at Scandals. And then I thought I should have probably told you about his behavior at Dalton after you left, but it was always while they were drunk and I thought maybe you just knew how he got.”

Kurt shook his head. “No…I didn’t even know they partied like that until becoming friends with Jeff on Facebook. I seriously thought that thing at Rachel’s was Blaine’s first party with alcohol. I should have realized it wasn’t when he drank so much but didn’t pass out completely until we got to our place. He almost matched Santana drink for drink. I think your idea has merit, but I warn you…just because I’m not being tossed in the dumpsters or pushed into lockers as much anymore, things still aren’t great. Your reputation might take a hit and who knows what they’ll say about you. You’ll probably be labeled gay.”

Sam sighed. “I let others dictate how I lived my life here last time…this time I think I need to make those calls myself. I cared too much and all I got was cheated on and no one knowing me well enough to know things were bad. Quinn didn’t count because she didn’t know things were bad because she knew me but because of church…her mom was in charge of charity food boxes. I don’t care what they call me…the fact is I have messed around with guys before and liked it and I don’t think it was just because I was at an all-boys school.”

Kurt looked at Sam and smiled. “Ok. We’ll hang out and I’ll keep you from going straight into a relationship with the nutty girls we know who will likely demand it of you and you can distract me from feeling like Blaine’s behavior means that no one could ever really actually like me. We’re almost home. Dad said to drive to the shop and he’ll decide from there where we go. I think a trip to the ER is in my future…and I’ll have to go shopping for things to wear and I won’t even be able to enjoy it.”

“I’ll come shopping with you. Then you will at least have good company. And I won’t even mind if you are grouchy the whole time.” Sam said.

Kurt smiled. “I am glad you are back, Mr. Sam I Am. I missed you.”

“I am glad to be back. I things might be going the right directions for me finally.” Sam replied as he turned into the garage parking lot. Burt exited the shop as soon as the SUV pulled in. “Now let’s see about getting you out of those mittens.”

#glee fanfic #Kurt Hummel #kurtoberfest #sam evans

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neverendinglanternstory-blog · 6 years ago

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Episode #1

The Never Ending Story – Lantern contributions, June-July 2018 I thought to myself Come on! Pick one! It doesn’t work if you don’t pick one and so I...

Was in his room walking upside down thinking of which homework to do…

Ahh! Maths I yelled, as I opened the book everything flew off the page +, _, all the symbols and words

Ahh! I screamed as I was sucked into the book. Three days later I woke up in another world…

Goblins, Ghouls, everything horrific was dancing around. It was horrible…

It was more than horrible, it was bootiful.

My stomach clenched in anticipation as I got ready to run from the fairytale-like creatures.

Hands sweating, mouth clasped tightly closed and my stomach spinning in never-ending circles I plucked up the courage to run. I took one last glance at my hellish surroundings wondering what the heck I was going to do after a deep growl rang in my ears, and with that I bolted.

Running as slow as I could I slapped my friend and brother.

Before I took one last peek at the creature’s jagged teeth that blended with it’s drool as it looked at it’s next meal, which was this creature

Or a cat! A cursed black cat. A creature that never wants to be seen!! The the black cat with the jagged teeth scrambled up the tree and flew across to the next one when it saw

A huge hippopotamaus sitting on the branch crying.

Because he was just told that he wasn’t a member of the library

His crying grew louder and he started to hiccup.

He hiccupped so loud that he fell off the branch taking the black (that is cursed) with him

Get off me pheasant cried the cat, squashed beneath the hippo

Roar It looked at both of them and laughed, then out of the bushes came a peacock.

My name is Geoff and I am the protector of the couch potato. King insect and said I rule all of what you see.

I can send commands to you and you can obey them. If not, you will be captured and you will be out of town forever…and ever ever ever.

Terrace being a gemini changed his mind and decided that they would only live because they wanted Macca’s…yum.

I have to leave town for a few days instead of forever. So they went on a boat to full an island of food where everything was half in size, “oh no” and made friends (not) with the full size animals.

Suddenly a double headed dragon appeared and swallowed the people, much to their horror. Terrace having hear the cries of the half sized people, commanded his greatest warrior Michael to appear and slay the beast.

However, Michael needed help so he summoned Poppy the peacock, Terrace’s sister to distract the monster.

As one of the heads descends to eat Poppy, Michael plunges his spear into the dragon’s chest. And she won the battle and would rule their world and would takeover the world. He couldn’t even go back , so he went to his world and his people were aliens and he tried but had to pass a battle, and he won so the king was gone. And became one of the people he tried battling, but he never won and kept on trying to win until he saw someone strong that could rule the world. So he really won and then the king’s eyes blowed and got so unkind. And they banished himforever…until something big and trust me he never seen a big coming towards him. He tried to stay calm but no and it was furry and made it a sound like this grrrl the men ran as fast until he fell. He yelled

And the monster nearly caught him but he stood and ran so fast he ran into a tree…

All out of nowhere came another man and saved him. He said “hey man, take hold of my hand” and he did and then

He got free and lived in the wild for the rest of his life. Then ? and set free

Then he saw a purple duck called Joanne. “quack, quack, quack quack quack” said the duck. The king was scared of ducks, especially purple ducks called Joanne.

“Quack quack quack, “ said Joanne again.

The king noticed something – the duck was turning into a potato. The king started hitting the duck with chopsticks. The king is a bully..

“How dare you Quack. I am the duck and you shall be punished”The the duck pulled out his own chopsticks. “By the power of chickens, I banish thee to the realm of chopsticks and sushi”

Then the duck….

Was so happy that she went for a lovely walk along the river and went for a swim and there was this pray and it was a hungry shark. “Oh no” she screamed “help me please, I beg you!” so she screamed so loud her voice was hardly gone “please I need some help

”I need my chopsticks and meat, so she went out of the water and got them. But they were shaped. One ran away in the opposite direction. I started to chase that person, but he or she was gone. I kept running in hope of finding them, but had no luck.

Then suddenly out of the blue, I heard a bush rustle, and saw a brown hat. Bird! He was scratching in the dirt looking for brown squiggling worms to eat. He realised the bird was stuck so the boy helped by digging out the dirt around the bird.

Before the bird was completely free, Whoosh! It catapulted into the sky a trail of fire burning bright behind it.But on the other side of the river an inhumane creature called The White Sister lay upon the soft pale sand, a bed of sea foam covering herself from toe to chin. But in the distance, was a man with golden wings like a fire bird. The white sister was astonished to see him approach the river and dip his wings into the salt water. White sister asked the man his wings ? tattered fabric “why are you so White?”

Well, as you have asked there is a story to my colour, she explained to him. I was always like this. I was once not human in the time of the green and roman way. My father worked miracles and to protect me from Greek soliders he made me into a ?, and that is why I am white.

He said to me that my colour will fade but may never end. Goodbye now, he said. (by the way, he liked flowers)

That flowers are his life. He needs flowers to live or he will die. One incredible day in his garden, lots of lovely flowers appeared. He was amazed and he even wondered how they got there.

I know, I will ask the people in the town. He asked everyone he knew, but no one knew anything about the flowers. Luckily, dead Fred the zombie came to save the day.

Dead Fred said Are you looking for a flower bed?

Then a living chicken came and said “no” and a goose came and said “yes”.

Then the goose went to sleep.

Then the eggs hatched and they all lived happily ever after. Not quite, said Dead Fred

We still need some soil and water and love to make …

Plants for gardens so animals can live there so they don’t die.

We live in an endless ?? but still have no love. We live in the city of love, but there is no love to be found. We live in a world of peace but haven’t heard of the meaning of peace, this world has no love and all we have is negativity.

Once there was a girl named Rebecca. She loves her family and she wished for a cute loving adorable dog, but Christmas she didn’t get that. She was very disappointed. She started to cry then she heard a bark. She looked everywhere and didn’t find it then she looked in her room she was so excited she didn’t find one dog, she found two.

She said “this is amazing” her mum and dad rushed in to see what was wrong and found her on the floor cuddled up with them. She loves Christmas ???

There was a bat who lived in a very dark cave, and enjoyed his life. Until some humans came and destroyed his cave. He had to move to another cave, but it was too bright, and it turned out great. He then found a mate and had kids and had a happy life.

Atoms and facts.

The regular atoms have 8 electrons, 8 neutrons and 8 protons. Scientists have used carbon to determine how old a baby mammoth was. She was 480000 years old!

The Marianer is the largest trench in the world, sub marines have not een to the bottom. It is too narrow and steep. It is still a mystery as to what is down the bottom.

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chroniclesofawkwardness · 5 years ago

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Candy Kane

I’ve never been a big fan of family pictures, or holiday celebrations. When I was about seven, my brother Derek and I had our picture taken with our cousin Kyle, who couldn’t have been much more than a year old. Kyle was smiling, but also pointing at something off in the distance (probably a prop the photographer was using to make him laugh). Derek and I had on clip-on ties that were recycled from a previous Easter. I wore thick, almost square-framed glasses. if I left the house with them on today, they would almost certainly impede my ability to successfully procreate. I had little choice at the time since I needed corrective lenses, and wouldn’t start wearing contacts for at least another six years.

By the time I’d made the switch, the photo of Kyle, Derek, and me belonged to a museum exhibit—frozen in time like the Iceman—of pictures my grandparents loved, but their grandchildren wished no longer existed. By 1999, they’d moved into a house much smaller than the one in which they’d raised their six children, and the photo had been relegated to a literal wall of shame in their basement. Along the wall were senior pictures of my mother and her siblings, and various photos of the nine grandchildren, including that of a triumvirate of boys c. 1988. I can’t think of a time anyone whose picture was on the wall expressed fondness when looking at it. Each of us probably thought about what we’d tell our younger selves if we passed them on the street, or secretly wished to remain arrested in that state of childhood development, our entire lives uncertain, unfolding, before us one day at a time.

The biggest reason I’ve never been a huge fan of holidays, family pictures, and especially family holiday pictures is because the only capture one moment in time, moments that, for better or worse, are frozen on film or stored in cloud of data and never really gone. Whenever the holidays come around, I have a tendency to cram an entire year’s worth of socializing into 48 hours, or however long I get to spend with my family and friends.

In my family, those occasions are typically when we celebrate some Puritans surviving a hard winter despite wearing ridiculous hats, and the birth of a boy who somehow managed to erase his teenage debauchery from the record. You know he had to screw up those miracles dozens of times in private before nailing them (oops) in public by his early thirties. This must be why we never hear about the zombies of Arimathea he couldn’t quite bring all the way back from the dead, or the numerous weddings he crashed around Nazareth during puberty, flexing to prostitutes about how he could turn water into wine in exchange for performing a number of sins his Dad didn’t have to know about (but would later be considered deadly because Mary Magdalene couldn’t keep her mouth shut) only to deliver vinegar.

I guarantee you Jesus promised Joseph of Arimathea eternal salvation as thanks for the years of resurrection practice, and in return for the use of his tomb one Friday night. Mary Magdalene showed up at the tomb three days after the crucifixion because she finally realized how serious Jesus had been about her fucking up his chances to keep holy the Sabbath day with a bridesmaid, before he hit it big and all the lepers wanted a piece (oops again) of him.

Anyway… If family pictures remind me of who I used to be, holidays remind me of things I used to wholeheartedly believe in.

My first picture with Santa was probably taken in 1982, before I had the surgery to straighten out my leg that left me with a cool scar. My enthusiasm for the holidays faded as I grew older and began to challenge my beliefs that one man could deliver presents to all the world’s children in a single night, and the three wise men could find Jesus just by following a star.

After passing at least numerically through teenage angst, I started to realize how incredibly fortunate I’ve been instead of complaining about what other people had that I didn’t. But what really got me comfortable in my own skin was volunteering, a series of activities in which I put myself in some very uncomfortable positions by surrounding myself with people and places I didn’t know. Still, my desire for the uncomfortable hasn’t weakened my ability to attract the absurd.

I recently had a chance to volunteer at Santa’s Workshop. I put on my elf hat (which I later found out had been on backwards all night) and got to work in the arts and crafts area, but that didn’t last long. Macaroni pictures weren’t doing it for me. I needed a different challenge.

Soon enough, I found my way to where Santa was. My backwards elf hat and I had to keep the line moving so every kid would have a chance to see Santa before closing time at 6 PM. Thee were all kinds of characters around me. Rudolph was there, and so was this character that had Pinocchio’s face, but looked how I imagined the Frisch’s Big Boy would if he’d been on a liquid diet for six months. “Who’s THAT?” I asked the event coordinator. “That’s the Elf on the Shelf,” she replied. “Oh… shit… I was way off,” I said. Whenever I caught the characters waving to children and their families as they passed by, they looked like those people from 80s and 90s workout videos who got stuck doing the low-impact versions of the exercises everybody else was doing at full speed. I wondered if they were secretly asking themselves why they agreed to do this, quietly cursing themselves for not auditioning to sell shit on QVC instead.

I’m not sure if the first child whose Santa aftermath I’ll remember for a long time was just really upset, had a cognitive deficiency, or both. Either way, he or she was not happy. My first post near the man of the hour was standing outside a fence they’d set up around Santa’s chair. My job was to wave the kids and their families forward once the previous family had enjoyed their moment in the makeshift winter wonderland. As the child left Santa’s lap screaming bloody murder and passed through the fence with his/her parent or guardian, they let out a sound I can only describe as a Home Improvement-era Tim Allen grunt mixed with visceral cry for help: UHHHAAHHHOOOOO!

Before I knew what was happening, the child headbutted themselves against the exterior glass of the Lazarus building, like Kane and the Undertaker from another spoiled childhood fantasy of so many— professional wresting. All the person accompanying the child said was, “Now honey… Don’t hit your head.” All I could think was, “Damn.” But as a man wearing a backwards elf hat, I couldn’t say shit to them.

Not long after witnessing a pediatric concussion, I found myself in the path of low-impact Rudolph herself. I slightly embarrassed myself by giving her a fist bump and talking to the person in the suit as though they were the red-nosed reindeer in the flesh. I came back to my adulthood while low-impact Rudolph was in the middle of muffled sentence about candy canes. I noticed had a bucket in her hands, which I assumed had been filled with the striped holiday icons. There were no candy canes in her bucket, but I did notice a set of Toyota car keys. In my confusion, I almost blurted out, “Shouldn’t you be guiding a sleigh instead of a fucking Camry?” Some things are best left unsaid.

For the first two hours we were there, the line to see Santa seemed to stretch as far as the eye could see, which made the next encounter I remember even more excruciating. A lady walked up and stood right next to me, thus blocking my view of the line and preventing me from doing the one volunteer task I was explicitly asked to do. To make matters worse, she started offering a running commentary on all the children she saw in Santa’s lap, like a color commentator at a sporting event who didn’t know when to just shut up and let whatever moment they were witnessing wash over them.

It didn’t matter whether they were boys dressed in identical suits for the obligatory in-lap picture with the big man (Oh, how cute!) or babies whose faces became contorted with red hot agony upon being separated from their mothers and embraced by a strange man (Oh, he is NOT having it!) The line seemed to grow infinitely longer during her soliloquy and I found myself thinking it was a shame the crucifixion of the guy whose birthday everyone would be celebrating in few weeks didn’t draw a crowd like this. In Survivor, Chuck Palahniuk observed that on some crucifixes, Jesus looks jacked enough to be modeling Ray-Ban sunglasses and Guess jeans without a shirt on. I can’t help thinking Chuck would concur that since not everyone will reach that level of supposed piety or physical fitness in a lifetime, it’s a bigger draw to remember God’s only son immediately after he humbled himself to share in our humanity the same way we all started—as a baby.

Anyway… as her commentary droned on, found myself wishing I could be the elf in the holiday classic A Christmas Story who tells Ralphie to get a move on before Santa kicks him down the slide, “Let’s Go!!!” But it bears repeating that in my backwards hat, my powers of persuasion were limited.

Not long after the soliloquy ended, I was approached by what I assume was a mother and daughter pair who were wondering if they’d ever get to see Santa. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it,” the older one said. “Let’s just take my picture with the elf.” “Actually, my name’s Dav…” I wanted to protest, but with my powers weakened, all I could do was acquiesce to their demands. The younger woman held a smartphone at what seemed like six different angles during our impromptu photo session. By the time they were done, I felt certain I was destined for Instagram infamy.

Eventually, the powers that be decided that I should move inside the fence and stand on the glitter-covered red carpet in an effort the speed up the queue after sunset. Before I went to the other side of the fence, someone asked me if I knew whether or not they’d be cutting people off at 6 PM. I didn’t, but I wished they would. I was growing tired of head injuries, seething, teething infants, and watching people taking selfies or recruiting the other elves to take pictures of them standing under one of the arches leading up to Santa’s chair.

I must have been distracted. The next time someone tried to get my attention, I was accused of holding up the line. The man had on a white, short-sleeved polo shirt. The woman wasn’t wearing a coat, but had on something I never thought I’d see on Santa’s red carpet: a leopard-print dress and dull pink high heels. “I used to be a Santa’s helper in this building,” she exclaimed. She said something else, about 1978, but I was too busy trying to avoid another “Damn” moment to really pay attention. “Actually, we just want our bathroom done. He’s working on our house.” “Fine.” I muttered. She proceeded to throw herself at Santa like he was Hugh Heffner, and she was Playboy Bunny. The whole scene looked ridiculous, but so did I.

After the final patrons had paid Santa a visit, the other volunteer elves and I sat for our own picture with the man himself. It was likely the first time I’d had my picture taken with him since the year the picture of Derek, Kyle, and I was taken. I wasn’t filled with regret over my evaporated childhood and its beliefs, or terribly concerned that no one said a word about my backwards elf hat the whole night. I was glad I’d put myself in another uncomfortable position and come out clean on the other side minus the glitter that will be stuck to the bottoms of the shoes I wore that night for months. I was reminded of the importance of not trying to cram everything into one season, or in Santa’s case, one night. Let the kids have their beliefs and grow up to challenge them. I didn’t have to sit in Santa’s lap to tell him that wish come true was all I wanted for Christmas. I have a funny feeling that whoever he is, was, and has been, he knew what I wanted long before I ever asked.

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mdwatchestv · 7 years ago

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Game of Thrones 7x06: Run Joe, Run

Woo boy that was A LOT. Like a lot, a lot. In so many different ways. I would even go so far as to describe some elements as 'extra'. Yes there was excitement, action, and feels. I even admit to screaming bloody murder when the zombie bear came from a direction I didn't expect. But when all was said and done I couldn't help but feel a bit...used. This season, although boasting some great moments, has felt undeniably different than previous years. Instead of focussing on building out a world and the characters that inhabit it, the show is now rocketing towards a foregone conclusion. If the world of Game of Thrones is a chess board and we have spent the past several years watching knights and queens slowly slide around the squares jockeying for position, this season is the equivalent of knocking it all to the ground and letting the pieces literally fall where they may. Alternatively, if the world of Game of Thrones was a high-end Barbie collector's basement, this is the season his eight-year-old niece broke in, ripped 1993 Holiday Barbie out of her box and made her make out with 1960 1st edition Ken. And neither of those things are inherently bad, playing with dolls and knocking a boring game on the floor are both entertaining in and of themselves, but they are also a departure from what we have come to expect.

Before this season I never thought about things like "Wait- how many long miles IS Westeros? What is the land speed of a laden Raven? What's the MPH on a dragon? How long by air? How long by sea?" I wasn't worried about the logistics, the tech specs. We had other things to worry about, like battle strategies, familial strain, and tyrannical kings. But now it feels as if the curtain is starting to be pulled aside and we are for the first time seeing the mechanics at work behind the scenes. While there were thrills to be had in this super-sized penultimate outing of season seven, they came at a price. In the after-episode special Benioff and Weiss openly admitted to essentially reverse-engineering the entire episode in order to get the final shock of zombie dragon, rather than letting it be the consequence of an organic series of events. One of the reasons Game of Thrones works so well is that consequences, even the upsetting ones, feel earned. The Red Wedding, for example, tragic as it was, was ultimately palatable because it made sense in the larger story. It was the tangible result of a series of connectable actions, not a gambit for ratings. Often the killing of beloved characters leads fan to become disillusioned with a show because it's done in the service of shock value, rather than organic storytelling. But as major characters drop on Game of Thrones, it only acts to draw the audience in further because it’s done in a way that rewards previous storytelling. The idea that characters are existing in a real world with real stakes and consequences is compelling and rare. Up until this season Game of Thrones never had characters rendered immortal by their series regular contracts, or even clear-cut heroes and villains. Yes, we root for different characters and houses, but at this point no one has a clean moral conscious. Those qualities are exactly what made Game of Thrones so good, and what it is seemingly starting to lose. It's worth pointing out that up until recently the show has had source material to rely on for guidance, and is now having to pick it's own path to the end. Viewer’s theories about the show’s endgame have become increasingly out there, perhaps in response to a world where outcome is not necessarily determined by prior events. For better or worse, anything is possible.

This episode was some moments of interest strung together with moments of "what?!?!?". Let's begin. ZARTF (Zombie Acquisition and Retrieval Task Force), as well as a few randos clearly marked for death, sally forth into the north. This whole episode gave me greatest hits of Lord of the Rings vibes, including "walking in a straight line across a mountain", "being rescued by a giant winged beast at the last second", and "rolling up half dead on a horse". I really gotta carve out 10 hours to rewatch those. To pass the time tromping through the snow our seven "heroes" try and work through their daddy issues (a little late imo), and Jon makes a half-assed attempt to give Longclaw back to Jorah (conveniently failing to mention it's like the only thing that kills White Walkers). The first sign of trouble comes when the group is set upon by a zombie bear! You hate to see that. Some of the red shirts are killed, Top Knot McGillicutty is wounded, and Jorah saves the day with his dragon glass dagger. Which I guess they all have? Or just Jorah? Unclear. This scene is what we like to call in the biz a foreshadowing.

Meanwhile in Dragonstone Dany is mooning over Jon Snow, even though he is a short stack (he IS super little) and ignores Tyrion who is attempting to invent democracy. In their exchange it's reiterated that Dany can never have babies (beyond her dragon babies), making a potential hold on the Iron Throne tenuous at best (Jon is still the *true* heir, but doesn't seem like Bran is going to tell anyone that anytime soon). Dany would rather not talk about any of that though, and would rather crush/not crush on the King of the Short. Speaking of women on the edge, the Sisters Stark are also failing to see eye to eye. After discovering Arya's BAG OF FACES (I have so many questions about the logistics of face wearing, but I am simply too tired to get into it), Sansa is understandably concerned. These concerns are heightened when creepy-ass Arya pops in to play a decidedly threatening game of questions. Arya seems to think Sansa is out to usurp Jon because she is a Cersei-in-training. Sansa thinks Arya is a terrifying demon child. This is a relationship that has also become frustrating centering around a conflict that doesn't ring true. While it's true that Arya and Sansa have become very different young women, there is more that unites than divides them at this point and Arya's extreme aggression towards her sister feels unwarranted. The core characteristic of the Stark family is that they ARE the Stark family. Arya put aside her dreams of Cersei killing in order to reclaim her heritage, and with the pack dwindling the remaining wolves have to stick together now more than ever. Both of these women have been through extreme trauma, both of them have had to make unthinkable choices in order to survive, and both of them have been continually underestimated by their male cohorts. I'm not saying this is a relationship that should not be without conflict, but their animosity lacks nuance. Granted this show doesn't have a lot of experience with complicated female relationships, but Sansa and Arya attempting to reconnect as complex young women in a time of crisis feels like a real missed opportunity.

And I have seen the Twitter theories that say that the two girls are gaming Littlefinger together, that Sansa sending Brienne away (to an I think prematurely scheduled zombie viewing) right after Littlefinger advised her to use Brienne against Arya is concrete proof. As much as I hope this is all true, it just doesn't seem likely at this point. But maybe Sansa's bizarrely abrupt send off of her last loyal subject really was a clue to a larger plot, or maybe it's just an excuse to put Brienne back in Jaime's path to give him a last second shot of moral obligation. I would love nothing more for my pessimistic theories surrounding two of my long time favs to be proven wrong. These two characters, no matter their ultimate fate, deserve the chance at a final team up.

Back up north, our band of brothers conveniently stumble upon a manageable squadron of zombies led by a White Walker. After dispatching the Walker all the zombies but *one* turn into dust. The plan is going smoothly! However the last zombie calls the rest of the hoard and they are well and truly fucked. The group sends good old Gendry to run back to the Wall (an unknown distance) to raven Dany for help, while the rest of the pack becomes stranded on a rock in the middle of an ice lake surrounded by the entire undead army. Here's where I have questions. Question 1: If Ole One Eye and Top Knot McGee can make fire whenever they want, why cant they have a fire on the island? Or at least gather around one of the swords? Question 2: Can the zombies not use bows? It seems like our group would be pretty easy to take down with a couple dozen arrows. Question 3: How long are they waiting/expecting to wait? How long does it take for the raven to get to Dany? More questions to come later. Anyway Top Knot succumbs to his wounds, meaning that One Eye is now on his final life. The Hound, who was pretty useless most of this episode, continues to be useless by alerting the zombie hoard that the ice is safe to walk on. Our party engages in a seemingly hopeless battle against an untold number of assailants, hoping against hope for a dragony miracle to happen.

And it does! Dany swoops in with her brood in the last second, blasting the zombies with fire, and rocking a seriously fabulous white fur coat, to save the day! Not only is her winter wardrobe literally to die for, it also looks like she may have skinned Ghost to make it, symbolizing her new allegiance (romance?) with Jon. I also have to ask at this point why this wasn't the original plan. Dany made pretty good time getting up there, didn't have to tromp through the snow, and likely could have had Drogon pick up a zombie in his talons- all in seemingly less than a day! But I guess that would have been much less macho than grimly marching through the snow. It looks like the tables have turned in favor of our hereos when suddenly....the Night King picks up an ice spear and takes out Viserion! Nooooo.

This was a genuinely heart-wrenching moment, as an audience we have watched Dany's dragons grow from hatchlings to giant death machines, and seeing one of them ripped out of the sky was just as painful as losing any beloved human character. Again this was a moment that delivered an emotional punch, but the journey to that payoff was not as satisfyingly authentic as it could have been. Jon, realizing the White Walkers are somehow ready for dragon combat, sacrifices himself so Drogon can take off with his payload safely. But it's an empty sacrifice, because Jon is last minute rescued by BENJEN STARK, who is part ice monster, part North of the Wall lifeguard, all Stark all the time. If you recall Benjen, or Cold Hands I guess is his nickname, previously came in for the save with his swinging lantern when he rescued Meera and Bran. But Benjen's last minute saving days are over as he is eaten by zombies in order to allow Jon to escape. Sad.

Back at the wall Dany ignores Daddy Jorah in favor of wistfully staring out over the tundra, hoping for Jon to appear. And appear he does! Jon is more than fine, especially shirtless and wrapped in furs on Dany's pleasure yacht. The two have some weird flirting where Dany reveals she can never have children, and Jon actually refers to her as 'Dany'. Good thing they are both so hot, because that banter wouldn't cut it anywhere else. Also she's his aunt. I simply cannot stress that enough.

As a final coda to this decades long episode, we see the Night Army dragging the corpse of Viserion out of the lake only to reanimate him into an ice zombie dragon! Gah! Shit is most definitely getting real, as the Night King adds some real power to his arsenal. Will zombie dragon still breathe fire? Ice? Freezing rain? Excited to find out. Next week (the season finale???) looks like it will be the zombie summit down in King's Landing. I have zero predictions for this. My only hope is that Euron will be there, I miss him. In a world of uncertainty, Euron brings the party.

Stuff I didn't get to:

Stop shipping Dany/Jon, START shipping Brienne/Beardy

They almost took Beardy from me after I SPECIFICALLY asked them not too.

Beardy learned the word dick <3

Beardy rode a dragon!!!

MVP: Beardy. I don't have to defend myself.

XO MD

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fearofaherobrine · 8 years ago

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Roelplay Server Log #201

“Milotec, Lj pranks”

[Notch] Is contentedly floating in a little boat. It's tethered to an identical boat containing Stevie. He gets a little tug on his fishing line and pulls up a pair of leather boots- Aw darn it!

[Stevie] Laughs a little- I swear, Hera plants those

-Feebas- Is idly swimming in the shadow of the boats

[Notch] Originally it was meant to represent the goods of adventurers who had come this way before...

[Stevie] - Really? I figured it was usually just brother fucking with me and making it harder for me to get food...

[Notch] Nah, it's the same reason skeletons have armor sometimes. -waves a hand idly as if telling a dramatic story- It was supposed to inspire the imagination. Like they were warriors coming back from the dead to defend their territory.

[Stevie] - I remember the first armored mob I encountered after brother and I went our separate ways... It was a zombie completely decked out in gold armor

[Notch] Those are rare. We had it set up where mobs would pick up stuff and put it on if someone dropped items, but it never worked out the way it should have. The programming was always just a bit off.

[Stevie] - I see...- His line gets a tug and he reels in a clown fish

[Notch] Hey there you go. Good for potions at least.

[Stevie] - You've never had mine or brother's potions... Have you...

[Notch] Nope. Just Doc's. Why? Are they special? - He trails a hand in the water to pet the Feebas as it goes by-

[Stevie] - According to everyone here who has tried them, they are the worst

-Feebas presses into Notch's hand, lipping at his fingers-

[Notch] You mean they don't work? That sucks. Maybe the others could give you lessons? - Pulls out a berry and pinches it in his fingers for the Feebas-

[Stevie] - No, they work perfectly fine, they just either hurt like the Nether, or taste putrid

-Feebas quickly eats the berry before swimming back under Stevie's boat-

[Notch] That's.... really bizzare... but then, I don't know why Doc's potions generally taste like soda either. There was never any inherent coding for the flavor of things since the players couldn't experince that. Wait! Have either of you tried it since coming here? Making potions?

[Stevie] - No, I haven't, but I don't know about brother... Then again it's like this on every server we go on

[Notch] Maybe the water is better here? Ask Doc, maybe they filter it first?

[Stevie] - I'll keep that in mind, oh damn it, I wasn't looking and one got away

[Notch] Gets a tug and pulls up a salmon- All right! That's okay, you can have this one. - Holds out the fish for Stevie.

[Stevie] Reaches for it-

-The water bubbles a little before a giant head erupts out of it as Milotic takes the fish-

[Stevie] - WHAT THE NETHER!?- He falls out of his boat

[Notch] What the hell is that?! - scrabbles to help Stevie back in the boat

[Stevie] Is surprised when before he can reach Notch the Milotic picks him up and puts him in the boat- What is going on!?

[Notch] What happened to your Feebas?

[Stevie] - Shit! Where is it?

[Milotic] Nudges Stevie-

[Notch] Looks up at the Milotic, - It's so graceful. Do you think...?

[Stevie] - It ate Feebas?

[Notch] No! Maybe it evolved! Pokemon do that. They turn into different things as they get bigger and stronger!

[Stevie] - They do?

[Notch] Yeah. You know those crazy egg things Doc brought back? They turned into a weird-ass palm tree thing with three heads.

[Stevie] - Oh...

[Notch] Addresses the Milotic - Are you Feebas?

[Milotic] Happily says it's name and nods-

[Notch] That's awesome! Stevie, you are now the proud owner of a very beautiful sea serpent.

[Stevie] Slumps a little- Thank god, I thought Doc would murder me for loosing the pokemon they rescued

[Notch] Awww, I wonder if they knew it would turn into something so grand from the start? They're tricky like that.

[Stevie] - I don't know... Should we head back in?

[Notch] I think so. I smell cookies. I bet we could bum some from Alexsezia under the pretense of showing her your Milotic.

[Stevie] Chuckles- Sure

[CP] Is outside gingerly reattaching the chomp to the honesty blossoms- No more letting anyone near these things, I can't stop blurting things out in my own house

-Sounds of Lie calling for Cp from somewhere near the greenhouse-

[CP] Perks and approaches the green house- Lie? What is it?

-I fell in the pond! And lost my shirt!-

[CP] Frowns, highly suspicious-

-Help! It's cold!-

[CP] Floats up onto the roof of the green house and looks down the back of the green house-

[Mb] Is sitting in a tree laughing softly-

[CP] - Nice try, but you gave yourself away. She wouldn't have called me about her shirt coming off. She's very aware of her body and doesn't like it showing to much.

[Mb] It's still funny! Celine is bored.

[CP] - She seems happy to me-

[Celine] Is lightly dozing in the sunlight

[Mb] She was racing around my rooms like an out of control minecart before we came out here.

[CP] - Yeah, they do that

[Mb] It's so damn quiet. Where the fuck is everyone?

[CP] - I don't know and I don't care

[Mb] Wanna rumble?

[CP] - Not right now, I have more paper work to do

[Mb] Huffs- What about the big bitch? Where's she at?

[CP] - You mean Endrea? I think she's in the library with GK and the babies

[Mb] Fine, I'll go bug her instead since you got homework to do. - Gathers up Celine much more gently then one would expect for his personality.

[CP] - At least your baby seems happy

[Mb] His face twists a bit as he tries to keep his mouth shut. - I.. love her... dammit...

[CP] Smirks- There's honesty blossoms nearby

[Mb] Turns on his heel and stalks off, cursing a bit-

[Celine] Nuzzles into him-

[Herabrine] I don't think I'll ever get used to being this high res, it makes me feel kinda itchy. How are we doing? This place is starting to look pretty well fixed.

[LJ] - Pretty good, I think it's just some minor things left

[Herabrine] Want me to wash it all off?

[LJ] - Sure, so long as you don't ruin anything

[Herabrine] I'll be gentle. But you might want to step under an awning first.

[LJ] Floats under an awning for a game stall-

[Herabrine] shoots a bolt of gold and blue lightning up into the clouds above. There's a bit of a rumble and a steady rain drenches the surroundings for a few minutes. Herabrine stands contentedly in the downpour and shakes herself off afterwards. - Ahhh. Best not to overdo it.

[LJ] - ... Can we do that over BEN's place?

[Herabrine] Pfft! I can do it over BEN personally. Just make a little cloud to follow him around!

[LJ] Bursts out laughing-

[Herabrine] Though I should probably wait until he's particularly stinky to do it so no one can bitch that I'm tormenting him.

[LJ] - Awwwww

[Herabrine] Waves her hands mockingly - Best not to upset mommabrine.

[LJ] - They're no fun most of the time...

[Herabrine] Eh, what hir and Cp did to BENs computer was pretty damn funny. I wasn't there but I heard about it later.

[LJ] - I think I remember BEN screaming about it?

[Herabrine] Yeah apparently they downgraded his computer and put a bunch of irritating ancient meme stuff on it. Complete with loud sounds and unhelpful AOL programs.

[LJ] Falls on the ground laughing-

[Herabrine] Soooo much more creative then just deleting his porn.

[LJ] - I'LL BET! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[Herabrine] They also spanked Jeff's bare ass once for setting Lie's house on fire. That was a hoot.

[LJ] - Oh~? How interesting...

[Herabrine] I heard they got Slender himself in their coils last time they were irl too.

[LJ] - I wouldn't know, I was here- He stretches, his arms elongating- Speaking of slender beings, I should probably check in with Splendy...

[Herabrine] You should get out and about more often anyway. If nothing else go talk to Lie. She always has the best gossip.

[LJ] - Oh? CP's little mate huh? She seems so quiet and withdrawn, I'm surprised

[Herabrine] But that's why! Everyone talks to her. Can't think of a single person on the server that wouldn't trust her with their feelings.

[LJ] Get's a mischievous expression- I see...

[Herabrine] That plus she tends to hang around Doc a lot. So she gets to see a lot of the craziness that happens firsthand.

[LJ] - However, I also know how possessive CP can be

[Herabrine] So? He's just protective. He doesn't stop her talking to people. Doc and TLOT would both stomp him if he was keeping her isolated and lonely.

[LJ] - Eh, I've learned the hard way not to piss CP off, I think I'll play this one safe

[Herabrine] That's what I'm saying, he's got no right to be pissed off. Besides, it could be pretty entertaining if you can start a conversation in their yard. There's a big patch of honesty blossoms near the front of the house.

[LJ] - Honesty blossoms?

[Herabrine] One of her magic flowers, the pollen compells you to tell the truth.

[LJ] - Oh we could have fun with that... Wanna hide a bunch of them everywhere?

[Herabrine] Sure! There are also some free roaming ones out there. TLOT made several of them into flitters. Little flying bugs with the same effect. They're mostly white with a little green.

[LJ] - Then let's go!

[Herabrine] Makes a gracious gesture for LJ to lead and follows him out of the woods.

[LJ] Leads the way out of the woods and the library is right in front of them-

[Mb] Is coming up the path with Celine on his shoulder-

[LJ] Spots the brine- Oh? Who's this? You kinda look and smell how CP used to...

[Herabrine] Man... you're a basic brine. Where the nether did you come from?

[Mb] Growls - I got dumped here on a fucking flash drive and everyone says I have to stay just so that fucktard Jeb doesn't get in trouble for not deleting my ass.

[Celine] Reaches up to nuzzle him-

[LJ] Just starts laughing as usual-

[Mb] Gives the little dragon a gentle scratch - What are you laughing at Rainbow Brite?

[Herabrine] It's kinda his thing. This is Laughing Jack

[LJ] - HEEHEE! RAINBOW BRITE!

[Mb] Is obviously irritated as all fuck-

[Celine] Licks him-

[Herabrine] Cool your jets. Who are you?

[Mb] Sputters - Master Herobrine!

[LJ] - Pffft, pretentious are we?

[Herabrine] Hoydee-toy-dee

[Mb] eye twitches a little bit. He wants to fight Lj but he's protecting Celine and doesn't want her to get hurt. - This from a washed out Alex and a fucking clown!

[Herabrine] What the fuck did you just say?

[Mb] Alex!

[Herabrine] Growls-

[LJ] - Oooooooo!~ Fight!

[Mb] Puts Celine on the ledge of one of the librairy windows and tells her to stay before drawing a sword- You want some?

[Herabrine] Notes the pond a few steps away and smiles darkly- Yes I do...

[LJ] Floats upwards to watch, pulling out a bag of kettle corn-

[Mb] Splits into three and rushes Herabrine -

[Herabrine] Is suprised and grapples with the two clones for a moment before exploding one with lightning and scalding the other with a hot blast from the pond.

[Mb] Slashes at her and snarls as she dances out of the way.

[Lj] - Whooo! Go Hera!

[Herabrine] Punches Mb's sword out of his hand and decks him.

[Mb] Manages to get a hold of her arm and twists it behind her back

[Celine] Makes concerned noises-

[Herabrine] Smacks Mb full force with a blast of hot water, knocking him away-

[Mb] Tps right next to her and goes for an uppercut

[Herabrine] Bends nimbly backwards and only gets clipped on the chin

-The two begin trading wild blows until they're both rolling in the grass trying to choke eachother. Mb is grinning like a madman and Hera's face is a twist of anger and determination-

[Endrea] Steps out, having heard the commotion- What is going on out here!?

[LJ] - Entertainment

[Endrea] Shifts into her dragon form, slamming her tail down next to the two brines- ENOUGH!

[Herabrine] Jumps at the sound and gives Mb the chance to tp out of her grip-

[Mb] Fucker....

[Endrea] Growls at MB- Is this really any example to be showing Celine? For shame

[Mb] Growls - Fuckers made fun of my name...

[Herabrine] Not my fault he's a dumb hothead

[Endrea] Rolls her eyes- LJ makes fun of everything, he can't help it

[Mb] Whatever... Can Celine play with your babies?

[Endrea] - Certainly, they are just inside with GK

[Mb] Gathers Celine and stomps off without looking at Lj or Hera- fuckers...

[LJ] - Well, should we be off to do our mischief?

[Herabrine] Yeah... Hey, now I have an excuse to go to Lie. Get some healing flowers. -starts walking

[Lie] Is in her garden harvesting some potato's-

[Herabrine] Uses a bit of moisture in the air to dribble a few drops of cold water on Lie's bare shoulder.

[Lie] Yelps and quickly turns around- Hera!- She then notices the forming bruise on her friends chin- Hera... What happened?

[Herabrine] Got into a fight with a basic bitch. It's no biggie, but I could use a few healing flowers.

[Lie] - Of course- She immediately has some spring up from the ground

[LJ] Has snuck off to find the honesty blossoms-

[Herabrine] Lays down in them- Ahhh... that's nice. So I saw we got a noob with a baby dragon. Kinda reminds me of someone else way back when...

[Lie] - You mean MB? Yeah, I've heard that a lot

[Herabrine] He put up a decent fight too. Till Endrea stepped in...

[Lie] - Please, he's not worth fighting Hera... You scared me a little, I've never seen you have any sort of injury before...

[Herabrine] Oh come on. I'm durable as fuck. I may look human but I'm just as much a tough dragon as Gk.

[Lie] - I know, but I'm your my friend which automatically means I'm allowed to worry about you

[Herabrine] Smile wryly- Thanks for that. Guess what?

[Lie] - What?

[Herabrine] Lj's circus is all fixed up shiny and new again.

[Lie] - Oh wow, you two were certainly working on that for some time

[Herabrine] Well it's just me and him and one bazillion teeny lightbulbs that needed replacing. Seriously, it's been a ton of work.

[Lie] - I can imagine. Have you had a chance to see the few new water creatures that have been swimming about?

[Herabrine] I saw the big fucker Doc brought in. I don't even know what to think about that. If it yell at it to get lost it just floats there opening and closing it's maw like it's eating something.

[Lie] - Yeah, I'm not sure about that one either...

[Herabrine] At least it's not breaking shit. That ugly fish Stevie has is clumsy as fuck.

[Lie] - Yeah, but then again I don't know what sort of brain damage it may have received from nearly being boiled alive or if that's just how it naturally is

[Herabrine] What the fuck... who does that? I mean, to a fish that's obviously intelligent?

[Lie] - The same person who abandoned my second vulpix in the middle of a sandstorm

[Herabrine] What a -string of binary that's obviously some choice swear words and insults-

[Lie] - Agreed. I'm surprised LJ isn't with you

[Herabrine] Huh? He was... I guess he got bored. Shadenfreude seems to be his one real addiction.

[Lie] - I've guessed from the few times I have seen him as well as his sugar addiction, well so long as he isn't bothering CP, then I'm not concerned

[Herabrine] He doesn't eat anything else. I bet he'd go nuts on the seed Yaunfen came from. Eat himself spherical. And everything bugs Cp.- chuckles

[Lie] - Pffft! Yes well CP is trying to finish up the paperwork for the coronation

[Herabrine] So when's the party?

[Lie] - Soon I think, my outfit still needs to be made and there's some things which need to be done on CP's server too

[Herabrine] So who's doing the sewing? Doc?

[Lie] - Either them or TLOT

[Herabrine] What's Cp gonna wear?

[Lie] - He has a set of obsidian armor which he'll be wearing

[Herabrine] I'm torn.... I don't want to dress up for Cp. But I don't want to embarass you either...

[Lie] - You won't embarrass me

[Herabrine] cheerful- Then what you see is what you get.

[Lie] - I'm okay with that

[LJ] Returns- Hera? Are you ready to go?

[Herabrine] You don't want to talk to Lie? -Her expression is just screaming that it will annoy Cp in a funny way- You should see her Lileep at least. It's crazy-looking.

[LJ] - Lileep?

[Lie] - It's a pokemon

[Herabrine] Just show him, this things weird.

[Lie] Motions for them to follow her to the green house where the Lileep is snoozing in the dappled sunlight within-

[LJ] - That is one weird looking thing

[Herabrine] Can I have a berry Lie?

[Lie] - Hm? Sure, which kind do you want?

[Herabrine] Raz?

[Lie] - Oh! You mean a pokemon berry! Sure, hang on a sec- She digs through her inventory and pulls one out, holding it out to Hera

[Herabrine] Watch this - She makes a skinny tentacle of water and hovers the berry near the lileep like a tiny curious fish -

[Lillep] It's tendrils wiggle a little which suddenly converge on the berry-

[LJ] Starts laughing- It's funny!

[Herabrine] I told you! These things are crazy. I saw something wandering around the spawn the other day that looked like a walking tree.

[Lie] - That would be Doc's exeggutor

[Herabrine] There's also Deerheart's massive grubby horse. He always looks like he woke up to a griefed house.

[Lie] - You should see how smitten the ponyta is with it

[Herabrine] Ah geeze. I can't even imagine how that's gonna turn out. Muddy ponies with flaming tails?

[Lie] - Maybe something more like terra cotta?

[Herabrine] Netherbrick horse. What else is going on?

[Lie] - Hmmm, well TLOT's NOTCH has been killed...

[LJ] - Bet CP got a kick out of that

[Herabrine] Holy crap... I heard he was a beast! Who took him out?

[Lie] - A group of us, including myself

[LJ] - You?

[Herabrine] Whoah! Way to go Lie! Did you ride one of the dragons in battle or something?

[Lie] - No, but I did use most of my power on a massive offensive plant

[Herabrine] Niiiiice. Gave the big bastard some nasty lacerations and blue balls I hope?

[Lie] - I'm not sure, but CP actually worked alongside Honedge for once

[Herabrine] Thumbs at the Lileep- That's the other thing, these guys live to fight. Pokemon are crazy tough.

[LJ] - Not all of them

[Lie] - What do you mean?

[LJ] - Every pokemon is different, some like to fight, some don't

[Herabrine] Which ones don't? I mean that pink one that hangs out with Silver seems peaceful but it's still formidable.

[LJ] - It's all dependent on the personality, you guys have brines that like to fight and ones that don't, it's the same thing, it's dependent on the individual... And what pink pokemon?

[Herabrine] I don't know, I think it used to be the little doggie thing with the long ears? It's all pink now with tentacle ribbons.

[Lie] - You're thinking of Sylveon, Eevee evolved

[Herabrine] Yeah, probably? I've seen him walking it on the beach. It's annoyingly cute.

[Lie] - Yeah

[LJ] - Hmmm, I should go visit them too...

[Herabrine] Silver? Yeah, he's ususally out exercising his pokemon, the deino guy turned into something with two heads as well.

[Lie] - Well, I'm going to go make some food since CP's probably forgotten...

[Herabrine] Okay, thanks for the flowers Lie.

[Lie] - You're very welcome Hera, don't hesitate to visit!- She turns around and starts leaving

[LJ] Slips an honesty blossom into Lie's back pocket as she turns around-

-There's a weird chuckling noise behind Lj-

[LJ] Glances behind him- Hm?

[Exeggutor] Looks at him with all three of it's heads cocked slightly sideways. There's a light mental probing happening from it.

[LJ] - Hello eggies

[Exeggutor] Three smiles, it's obvious it likes Lj's colors. The long leaves on it's head cast a nice cool shade.

[Herabrine] Is just staring at it

[LJ] Offers it some candies-

[Exeggutor] Leans over to sniff them -

[LJ] - Eat up!

-There's a bit of happy bird noises and some impassioned fluttering-

[Doc] Runs by. Xe's in hir human shape and hir and Yaunfen are following after the Archen

[Archen] Is just trying to fly and not having any luck

[Exeggutor] Twists and turns so each head gets a candy and munches contentedly.

[LJ] - Oooo~ I think I see our next victim

[Archen] Flutters around their feet

[Herabrine] What the hell is wrong with your bird Doc?

[Doc] Huffs a bit from exertion. - No clue, I think they just can't fly well. I was just providing some encouragment.

[LJ] Sneaks an arm around and behind Doc to tuck a flower into their belt-

[Doc] So what are you guys up too?

[LJ] - Circus is done

[Exeggutor] Has wandered over to stick it's head into the greenhouse-

[Doc] That's great! Does that mean we'll see you around the seed now that you have some goofing off time?

[LJ] Probably

[Doc] I'm glad. Have you too seen Endrea today? She seems to be the expert on wings and flying.

[LJ] - Over by the library

[Herabrine] Fair warning, MB is over there too. We had a bit of a scrap.

[Doc] Hera... Be careful okay?

[LJ] - Oh CP's little mate already took care of her

[Exeggutor] Manages to get inside the greenhouse and is bumping around a bit

[Archen] Still fluttering madly and jumps onto Lj's pant leg to cling for a moment.

[LJ] - Hello pretty birdie

[Archen] Squeaks a bit-

[Doc] They are colorful aren't they?

[Herabrine] We know you like gaudy things Doc.

[Doc] Ha! TLOT is my favorite of all the gaudy things around here.

[LJ] Scratches the Archen's neck-

[Archen] Preeep... peep...

[LJ] - Hey, where would be a good place to hide something small?

[Doc] Turns red and giggly- A butt?

[LJ] Starts laughing-

[Exeggutor] Ambles back over with a mouthful of something, after a moment it gets a weird look and begins to glow a small amount.

[Lie] From inside the house- DOOOOOOOC!

[Herabrine] Ummm.... Doc?

[Doc] What?

[Herabrine] What the fuck?

[Doc] Peeks in the greenhouse - Oh shit....

[Lie] In chat- Doc... What did you put in my inventory!?

[LJ] Spots the pokemon- IT'S GLOWING!

[Doc] Goes in the greenhouse and comes back out to scold the pokemon

[Exeggutor] Does look contrite.

[Archen] Decides to climb on Yaunfen next and takes a small fluttering leap from the dragon's head.

[Herabrine] In chat- Probably a sex toy?

[Yaunfen] - Burp!

[Lie] - No shit!

[Doc] Uh Lie.... Exeggutor ate your lantern flowers..... sorry...

[Lie] - That's fine, YOU on the other hand....

[Doc] What did I do?

[Lie] - Shot glasses

[Doc] Yes? That's a thing that exists.

[Herabrine] Snickers-

[Lie] - You made a thing with them

[Doc] Uh huh... and?

[Lie] - You put it in my inventory

[Doc] So you would have it to play with, and...?

[Lie] - Why....

[Doc] Because masturbating is fun...?

[Lie] Unfortunately the chat does not translate her embarrassed noises-

[Doc] Accidently aloud- I wonder if I made it too small or something? -blushes

[LJ] - Made what to small?

[Doc] Blurts- The glass dildo I snuck into her inventory!

[CP] Perks a little as he's nearing the main room of the house, having heard that- The fuck?

[LJ] Starts laughing very hard-

[Exeggutor] Ambles over and peeks in the window-

[CP] Spots it and heads out the side door of the workroom- The fuck is wrong with you people!?

[Exeggutor] Is still glowing and blinks like a slow Xmas light- Burp...

[Doc] I'm a sex maniac? - Smacks hirself-

[CP] Growls- What did you do now?

[Doc] Helplessly shouts- I gave Lie a glass dildo made from the shot glasses she broke!

[CP] Pauses a moment- I'm going to murder you now

[LJ] Snorts in his laughter-

[Doc] It was just a present! You know I like making things!

[CP] Charges at Doc-

[Doc] Xe tries to scoop up Yaunfen and crumples to the ground- Fuck! Ow!

[Exeggutor] Gets between Doc and Cp -

[CP] Darts around the pokemon-

[Exeggutor] Muscles into Cp and uses it's chest to bounce him back-

[Doc] I'll shock you! Cut it out Cp!

[CP] - Fuck you!- Goes for a punch

[LJ] Is rolling in the air laughing-

[Exeggutor] Ducks it's head hard to give Cp a faceful of fleshy leaves in a sharp swat.

[CP] Lights his hand on fire-

[Doc] Don't hurt hir, it's just defending me!

[Archen] Shoots up Cp's back and pulls his hair-

[CP] Angry noises-

[Archen] SKWAK!

[Lie] Hears the commotion and comes outside- CP!

[Archen] Looks back at Lie and makes one more deliberate swat at Cp's face-

[CP] Swats at the pokemon-

[Herabrine] Hey Lie! Cp is being a shit!

[Archen] Nips at his fingers-

[Lie] - I can see...

[CP] Sets his entire self on fire-

[Archen] Is singed badly and makes a horrible noise while fluttering to the ground-

[Doc] Archen!

[Lie] Immediately spawns healing flowers- CP! STOP IT!

[Exeggutor] Crouches protectively in front of Doc-

[Yaunfen] Scrambles a short distance away-

[Doc] Tries to get up and fails. - Fuuck!

[Lie] Rushes forwards- Hera! Water!

[Herabrine] Draws up a water tentacle and deluges Cp-

[Archen] Making unhappy noises in Lie's flowers

[CP] Sputters and growls loudly-

[Lie] Kneels near Doc and Archen, spawning more flowers, both healing and pain management- Hey, how bad is it?

[Doc] Pulled my damn back....

[Lie] - What can I do?

[Doc] Keep Cp from stomping on me?

[Lie] - I can try...

[Archen] Is healing fast but still mad at Cp-

[Doc] Yaunfen? Come back. It's okay. Cp won't hurt you at least.

[Lie] Has taken CP's attention, calming him down-

[Yaunfen] Slinks back, a bit nervous.- Burp...

[Doc] Flops- It's okay sweetie.

[CP] Is still growling a bit-

[Lie] - Come on CP, let's go inside, take it out on your punching bag...

[Exeggutor] Snorts at Cp, it's one of the few entities on the server taller then him.

[Lie] Coaxes CP back into the house-

[Chomp] Bounces at the end of it's chain-

- group of what look like half human half mobs is just getting close to the outside of the fire wall to the server-

-A brine almost bowls a few of them over, managing to prevent doing so so that he doesn't hurt the person in his arms. There's an incoherent yell of anger at the act-

-the group seem surprised at the act-

[brine] What the fuck?! -Seems very angry and ready to yell more-

-the one that looks like they are part Enderman steps forward he seem to being defensive of the others-

[brine] What kinda fuckup are you? -steps back a bit, shifting the person in his arms so he can draw a weapon-

-the ender person speaks up- I don't know what your problem is but I will defend my friends if I must back up I didn't come here for a fight.

[brine] -scrutinizes them a bit before relaxing a bit- I.. am not here to fight either. Sorry. -returns weapon to his inventory after a second of hesitation-

-the group relaxes as well there seems to be one for each type of hostile mob-

[brine] Big group you got here.. Would you.. mind if we tagged along?

-they look at eachother before the Enderman person talks again- I don't see why not

[brine] Thanks.. Sorry about the yelling and being ready to fight.. We just fled the Notch of our seed. I'm stressed as all nether..

-the a spider lady speaks up- we just fled our seed as well we were getting attacked from both humans and a notch who wondered on to our seed so we understand.

[Deer] Over chat- Anybody else feel like going someplace relaxing?

[Mix] -Over chat- Where exactly?

[Deer] - I'm not sure...

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booksummarieswithkatz · 8 years ago

Text

Winter Wolf by R.J. Blain, a summary

Okay, first we need the basic terms for this world. Also, sorry I messed up and spelled Fenerec as Feneric, my bad.

Fenerec: Werewolves, they’re weak to silver and must constantly keep their animal selves under control. There are three types of Fenerec separated into four social stratas.

TYPES

-Born Fenerec: the children who are born Fenerec to Fenerec parents.

-Made Fenerec: Humans who became Fenerec through a special ritual, this usually requires the person’s consent but it can be forced upon them.

-True Fenerec: Fenerec born under one of two circumstances- a human baby born to wolves, or a wolf pup born to human parents- they are extremely rare, valuable, and powerful Fenerec

STRATAS

-Alphas: Protectors of the pack, they are the strongest and most dominant in their packs.

-Dominants: Fenerec that have instincts pushing them to take control of their surroundings and protect those they see as reliant on them.

-Submissives: Fenerec who do not feel the need to be in charge, they are valued in their packs because dominant wolves are soothed by their presence, since they don’t see them as rivals.

-Omegas: Fenerec who do not feel the need to be in charge yet still have all the same protective instincts of dominants; they are the rarest and can play any role necessary to stabilize their pack.

Witches: Humans who have connection to a specific element of nature; fire, water, air, or earth. They gain powers based on that element as well as boosted health and lifespan. They can also form a pact with Fenerec to help preserve their humanity.

Wizards: Humans who can basically break most of the laws of magic so long as they are able to afford the price. They are killed by other supernatural beings on sight.

Sorcerers: A human whose magic is powered by harming others, in order to become more powerful they must rape, murder, and torture others. Needless to say, they are killed on sight.

The Plague: A disease that only affects Fenerec. It is magic and quasi-intelligent, manipulating other illnesses into infecting the host. The host’s fever then gives the proper breeding ground for the plague, and when the host shifts, they become trapped in a half state – that is to say – their bodies rip themselves apart and don’t coalesce into their wolf form. There is no cure, and only true born Fenerec are immune.

The Inquisition: A shadowy group that is part of most modern government and was born from the Catholic Church. They “protect” normal people from the supernatural. They often demand witches join them and wolf packs register themselves in exchange for the lives. They kill almost all other supernatural beings on sight, and offer massive bounties for same, as well as “rogue” witches and wolves.

The Shadow Pope: this person with a dumb-ass name is the head of the Inquisition, below him are the Archeons and below them are the Cardinals.

Now that that’s out of the way let’s get on with the story.

Just so you know, this is technically a prequel to Inquisitor.

Meet Nicole Thomas, real name Nicolina Desmond, an actress living in L.A. struggling to make a living because her body is covered in huge scars and she has chronic laryngitis (turns out directors don’t give speaking roles to many women with sandpaper for a voice). She is currently living under a falsified identity for three important reasons; one: Nicolina Desmond was a big time singer before she lost her voice and she’s too ashamed to live in the shadow of her past self, two: her parents and her twin sister are Fenerec and she’s terrified/hates all Fenerec after an incident scarred her severely and put her in a coma for a year, and three: she’s a wizard and if anyone catches on she’s a dead woman.

Now, unfortunately we will have to digress from the story to talk about what a wizard’s abilities are, because they are kinda complicated. Wizard powers are focused entirely on the manipulation of energy. The simplest applications of this are the control of electricity and heat. A wizard does not produce their own power, it needs to be absorbed from other sources. This means that wizards have a set of senses attuned to the most easily acquired energy: the electricity used by normal humans. Coupled with a wizards ability to sense and control electric current and the devices they follow, the energy they absorb can be used for basically anything the wizard can fathom. A simple rule of thumb is: if some one else can do it, then a wizard can do it, and if no one else can do it, then a wizard can probably do it anyway but someone might die to make it happen.

Okay, now we can get on with it. The book begins with Nicole entering a mall because her agent, Dominic, told her to buy a bestselling zombie apocalypse novel for “homework.” So she as she makes her way into the mall, she begins opening as many battery destroying apps on her phone as she can, since her magic’s need to control the electricity around her can be channeled into keeping her phone topped up rather than causing catastrophic power failures. After a nerve-wracking (for her, not the reader) walk to the book store, she approaches a woman whose phone is dying and “accidentally” bumps into her to give the battery a boost. Oddly enough the woman recognizes her from her movies despite the fact she’s always an extra. They talk briefly before the woman get a phone call and when she answers we find out her name is Laura, before she excuses herself to talk to whoever called her. After seeing Laura off, Nicole asks a friendly employee named Scott for help finding the novel. As they chat they grab the book and head towards the registers to check out, however, nothing gets to be simple in this sort of book so when she’s at the register and talking to Scott and another employee the power goes out. Now Nicole already knows that power outages are usually her losing control of her powers and begins to panic, and then as she thinks about the Inquisition finding her she starts bordering on a panic attack as Scott starts screaming like a banshee. SPLAT! The power comes back on it’s own to reveal that where Scott once stood is a twisted mess of flesh and there is blood everywhere. So this whole store is just staring in shock until the police appear, that’s when the vomiting and the screaming starts.

So the Police rounds everybody up and questions them about the events of the evening, Nicole in particular is questioned by the lead investigator, Detective Harding, as she was standing right next to Scott when the incident occurred. Detective Harding proves to be a pretty swell guy, and he offers to drive Nicole back to the mall from the station to pick up her car. Unfortunately it only get more complicated by the fact that on return, the pair find Nicole’s car to have been broken into, with the windows smashed, the seats slashed to pieces, and the only thing she left in their, the car manual, ripped up and strewn about the interior. It is then that Nicole gets a call from an unknown number, at Harding’s request she answers on speaker phone, only to have the caller say they have a message for Nicolina Desmond, to which Nicole responds with a not at all suspicious “nope. Wrong number. No one by that name here. Definitely not. Bye.” before handing her cell over to Detective Harding as evidence of this odd series of coincidences. It’s just a shame that her car getting fucked up serves no purpose in the story except to give the detective a reason to request Nicole to enter witness protection. Of course, someone who is trying to hide from the Inquisition would certainly go into a program they designed, right? Nicole gives a rousing but polite “Not on my life motherfucker” and asks for a ride home.

The next day she goes to a storage container she rents and picks up some stuff to investigate what happened to Scott. Because trying to find out what happened to someone you knew for all of five fucking minutes is definitely worth risking discovery (and death) by doing some serious wizardry right? So Nicole grabs a a silver mirror, a bronze celtic knot, some candles, ancient Egyption coins called debens she stole from a museum, rocks- I mean- focus stones, and a little book that just so happens to talk and tricked Nicole into becoming a wizard after stealing her voice, as one does. Our good ol’ main character uses all the blood Scott so kindly sprayed all over her to send her mind back in time to the moment of his death. Of course, the book tells her that you can’t be in two places at once so instead of free floating as a spirit or watching through her own eyes, she has to live the moment as Scott himself, which offered some interesting insights. Scott was actually stalking Nicole through the store, turns out he was a Fenerec whose wolf decided it wanted her as a mate the moment he laid eyes on her, so when the lights went out and he could smell her adrenaline and panic, his wolf freaked out and forced him to shift to protect her. This was a really big problem because Scott was infected with the plague, and thus he exploded into a shower of viscera all over her. Good job Scott. Really made her feel safe there. Dipshit.

After this set of revelations, Nicole has an important meeting with her toilet about the contents of her stomach deciding they wanted to exit the way they came, and then she goes to meet with her agent. Dominic is your standard metrosexual whose main form of humor is sass, and he informs Nicole that he has gotten her a closed audition at Silver Moon Studios (real subtle there) the next day. This basically means that they are gonna ask her to try a scene and as long as she doesn’t fuck it up really bad she will be handed a contract. Seeing this as a much needed opportunity, Nicole gets an early rest before heading to the studio.

At the studio they strip her down and the make up lady goes “not enough scars bro” which is pretty weird overall but Nicole runs with it since the scars covering her everything are not being used as a reason to mock her, which is pretty cool I guess. Then they put her in some clothes, hand her a live rifle (with blanks in it) and say that this will be her new best friend, along with her two co-stars: the biggest canines she’s ever seen. After she witnesses everyone in the studio act like these absolutely massive “German shepherds” (cough werewolves cough) are a bunch of terrifying monsters, she slaps the handler upside the head and calls him a disgrace. The dogs (lol) get along with her like a house on fire and they do a quick scene before the director says they need some action shots of them all with another actress named Marie. Then the entirety of the rigging falls down on top of them. Luckily the dogs (lol) make a quick save and the two ladies are just fine. But Nicole finds something suspicious with her electronics-senses: someone forcefully bypassed the breaker, and all the wires surrounding them are still live and fatally dangerous. But wizards are wizards and wizards are op as hell so she shorts the entire system with her mind and all is good. Until the cops come bursting in cuz they had been watching Nicole to see if anyone was targeting her. Nicole asks Dominic to take care of the dogs (lol) and goes to the station again. Low and behold, the cops come ‘round again to see if she’s really sure she doesn’t want to go into witness protection and, now thoroughly convinced she’s surrounded by idiots, she politely says “even if I was going to burst into flames and be chewed on by Satan I would not do that shit bro, the fuck’s wrong with you?” So later she goes out to a… new age herbal store… and a woman with an Eastern European accent dressed up like a Roma traveler sells her three semi-precious stones of luck and protection- citrine, rhodonite, and a moonstone old enough and powerful enough to give her the good ol’ telepathic “fuck you”. She considers this to be the friendliest greeting a magic rock has ever given her.

As she treks back to her apartment, Nicole realizes that someone was watching her, and decides to fuck with them; she takes a cab, walks a mile, takes another cab, gets out, gets another cab, and finally goes to an all-night movie theater just to be sure. After waiting around in the bathroom to lull the watcher into a false sense of security, she exits and checks around for any persons of interest. The only people worth noting was a pair of super hot, definitely not Fenerec, brothers who walk out of the men’s room as she exits the women’s. Because literary irony is always the right way to hint at someone being super important instead of just, you know… introducing them so we can get some real and interesting character interactions.

When she finally makes it back to her apartment, she finds one the dogs (lol), Rocky, is waiting outside for her. Her agent “lost” them. So after spending the entire night trying to find the second dog (lol), Silver, they go back and have a nice five minutes of sleep before bullshit plot convenience rolls around for another protagonist potshot. And who would’ve guessed it, Nicole decides that the dogs (lol) can’t just shit in her bathroom like people, so she walks with them to a nearby dog park. She uses her magic to open the locked gate and as the dogs (lol) go scampering around the totally empty park some guys appear behind Nicole, taze the shit out of her, and tosses her into a waiting vehicle after shooting at the dogs (lol). Oh, and just in case you were wondering, that thing with the falling set pieces at the studio, it has no bearing in the rest of the story and was, despite the fact they mentioned someone tampered with the electronics, a totally random event.

So Nicole gets tossed into this car and they start driving her off towards Vegas for some reason (it’s never explained why). After a rousing game of one of her kidnappers groping her and getting shot and thrown in the trunk as punishment (he was fine after a few minutes), an oncoming car swerves out of nowhere and causes the kidnapper behind the wheel to flip the car trying to get out of the way. It’s then that we get to see Nicole have a full-blown panic attack as she is trapped in the vehicle and fucks up her hand repeatedly smashing the window to get out. Once she escapes, the kidnappers grab her and pretend like she’s the leader’s girlfriend to move suspicion away from them as they talk to the guys from the other car. And guess what? It’s those super attractive guys from the movie theater the night before, and they are reeeeaaaally insistent on waiting to for the tow-truck with Nicole and her captors. So the leader of the Brady bunch goes to pull out a gun when Nicole flips her shit and goes for a mad scramble for the weapon. Upon her success she aims for the leader’s head and “abducts” the hot guys, and takes them and their sports-car to Vegas to stay at their penthouse sweet in the Venetian. Since hot boys with lots of money apparently aren’t super great with subtlety, Nicole tricks them into admitting that they were following her and they reveal that they are Fenerec from Canada who are helping her because she looks like someone else. This someone else is her twin sister, Lisa. Shocker.

It seems that Lisa works as an Inquisition wolf and acts as an investigator and executioner for them. Surprisingly, this means that lots of people don’t like her and given that Nicole is pretty much close enough to be mistaken as her, people that don’t like Lisa might just take it out on Nicole without even realizing that they are even related. Also Lisa has been missing for months and everyone’s got the plague. So Nicole is all like “my families wolves and you saved me from kidnappers and you’re wolves so I guess if I can save y’all with my OP wizard powers I will.” Nicole tells the two hotties (their names are Richard and Alex, Dick’s the alpha and Alex is his brother) that she needs them to grab her wizard shit from her apartment and they tell her she has to call her dad.

So Mr. Desmond (henceforth Big Daddy D) has a rousing chat with Nicole about “WHERE HAVE BEEN FOR FIVE YEARS- hey dad I kidnapped some Fenerec what’s up with the plag- FIVE. YEARS. -C’MON DAD, PLAAAAAAGUE” and it is found that only one person has ever cured the plague, they were called the Winter Wolf and they disappeared over a hundred years ago so nobody knows how they did it. Nice work immortal werewolves, you had one job. So from this we learned basically nothing except that the plague should have a cure, and that Big Daddy D is 300 years old, for some reason.

After their nice conversation, a witch friend who works for Ricky and Alex shows up and BAM it’s Laura (remember her?)! Turns out Laura’s name is Amber and she works for the Inquisition, but that’s fine because they pay her an obscene amount of hush money so she doesn’t blab about Nicole being a wizard. Amber and Nicole have a heart to heart about magic and then Amber kidnaps her for three days to teach her how to use guns at the nearby Inquisition gun range, using the excuse of “she’s a normal who looks like Lisa Desmond and we want to keep her safe.” So after three days of non-stop gun training, they hand Nicole a berretta and a carry license and say “go help us catch a magic rapist and serial killer running around Vegas.” Nicole says okay and the intrepid duo go and make some magic rocks. Nicole puts enchantments on the citrine and rhodonite to taze the shit out of the killer, and then have a heart to heart with the moonstone, which agrees to the enchantment so long as it can blast the killer into oblivion.

The girls get gussied up for a night on the town and it’s about five minutes of shopping before they meet the guy. After they agree to hang with him for a while, the magic talking book (remember them?) tells Nicole that he’s a sorcerer and is eating Amber’s will to resist him through touch. So Nicole lures him up to their suite by virtue of Amber being magically ruffied and then interrogates him. He squeals that he was hired to gather power from fucking people up for someone in L.A. and he was raping and killing wealthy women specifically because he liked it. The moonstone says that’s all it needed to hear, and drains Nicole of all her magic to turn the sorcerer into a fine layer of ash coating the floor.

The two Fenerec show up and get pissed that they put themselves in danger like that, before deciding to head back to L.A.. Once back in L.A. Amber brings Nicole to get samples of some diseases that infect Fenerec once they get the plague, and also a sample of the plague itself. So they try teaching Nicole how to sense the plague in order to teach a disease that follows the plague to kill it. This does not work at all, and they call in Big Daddy D to study his immunity as a true born Fenerec instead. While Amber goes to pick Big Daddy D up from the airport, Nicole has to meet up with Dominic to talk about the contract from that movie from way back.

So at Dominic’s house, Nicole meets Dominic’s friend Patrick, who creeps on her hardcore and his touch makes her skin crawl. Dominic asks Nicole and Patrick’s help in finding a prop gun for Nicole to practice with for the movie, which is weird since the director insisted on her holding a real rifle but whatever. So after exploring the basement, Nicole find a door to another room, and inside is OH SHIT! IT’S A FENEREC BOIS! So Nicole is like “wtf?!” and Dominic is like “Patrick get her” and Patrick is all like “ima sorcerer guys!” and everyone comes to a standstill in front of the cage. Nicole gets the feeling this female wolf is not actually Dominic’s lover as he claims, and slams open the cage.

Now, here’s the lowdown on the situation. This wolf is a woman Dominic stuck in his basement until she agreed to be his lover, she was infected with the plague and to save herself, decided to stay in wolf form so the need to shift wouldn’t explode her. Dominic, seeing that she was still dying anyways, hired a bunch of sorcerers to gather power and perform a ritual to swap Nicole and the woman’s souls, leaving Nicole a dying werewolf and the woman free to be his... whether she wanted to be or not.

So the wolf bursts from the cage and seeing that Patrick has started the ritual, decides to kill Nicole so it can’t be completed, she fails, Patrick succeeds, and Nicole wakes up sometime later in the wolf’s body, alone. Nicole finds out two interesting points, one: she is immune to the silver lining of the cage, and two: her wizard powers now manifest as ice and snow instead to invisible energy. So she opens the lock with her magic and heads upstairs to find her stuff. Luckily nobody was watching it and she grabs her gun, the magic book, and the moonstone. The gun in its holster goes around her neck like a collar, and the moonstone decides that it likes her now that she’s a Fenerec. The book says “freeee” as soon as she touches it and crumbles to dust, and now instead of the book talking in her head there is a wolf spirit… somehow...?

So Nicole circles the outside of the building and realizes she’s dying of plague, so the moonstone is like “naw girl you got dis” and teaches her how to kill the plague, since being a Fenerec wizard give a +∞ modifier to the Diplomacy check to change the moonstone from “Hostile” to “Helpful.” And then Nicole whips out her gun using magic and shoots Dominic and Patrick dead through a window. Good climax author, real suspenseful. So it turns out that when Amber and Big Daddy D showed up and couldn’t get in they called the cops, and the gunshots from Nicole killing the two villains gave them probable cause to enter, they see Nicole in wolf form whining and putting on a pitiful puppy act. They bring her outside and leave her with Alex, who is dying of the plague, and Richard – who is immune btw – goes in to look for Nicole (dropped the ball there dickhead). Nicole cures Alex of the plague and they go in to find that – surprise – the woman who swapped bodies with Nicole is actually her sister Lisa!

So here we find out some stupid outta nowhere bullshit. Nicole is a true born Fenerec, but her twin Lisa was not. This meant that the two would have to be separated or Nicole would try to turn Lisa, killing her. However, Nicole would freak out if they were separated so her parents chose to use forbidden witch magic to kill Nicole’s wolf spirit. Rendering Nicole human. Also, Nicole and Lisa visited Richard and Alex’s pack a few years ago; Lisa and Alex fell in love, got married, became Fenerec, and tried to get Nicole to become one as well. Three problems though, Nicole did not want to be a Fenerec, Nicole and Richard apparently hated each other, and also Nicole was already a Fenerec so the ritual just could not work in the first place. So some pack-members got it into their heads that she was a racist and that their alpha hated her, and took it into their own hands to “deal with the problem.” Needless to say, Nicole got super fucked up, stole Richard’s car, and got in an accident so bad she was covered in scars and was in a coma for over a year. When she woke up, she tried to make a career out of singing when she met the book and lost her voice. So I guess the book was actually her wolf spirit and when she got a wolf body the two could become one again… or something?

Anyways, everybody goes home after falsifying some evidence and they decide that what just happened to Nicole was super damaging and trying to force her to turn back now what probably fatal. So the next day Amber and Nicole head to a Nuclear power plant and Nicole siphons a metric fuck-ton of power from it to cause an enormous snowstorm that carried her power to kill the plague, and unleashed it on the city to save all the Fenerec that lived there. Yay.

But the two are trapped in Amber’s car during the blizzard, so they get Nicole to become human shaped again and Amber hands her a bunch of records that reveals something kinda important I guess: Richard and Nicole had everyone fooled and they got Nicole’s mom to forge her father’s consent and got married and were all in love and shit, unfortunately the incident that left Nicole in a coma involved severe cranial trauma so she forgot basically all of that. Nice.

Once the blizzard let’s up, Nicole meets up with Richard and reveals what she now knows, retrieving their marriage rings and being all-like “werewolf healing is helping me get my memory back so let’s figure out how to restart this whole relationship thing, okay?” Aaaaaaaand that’s the end. Just right there. Kinda abrupt.

#book summary #winter wolf #witch and wolf #wizards #werewolves #rjblain

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