#instagram and twitter stress me out but tumblr has a certain calm to it

[caligmaera]

WOAHH thank u all for 5 million followers thays crazy...

[onfyexo]

Laundromat - Tom Holland x Reader Series

Warnings: angst (kinda), mentions of substance abuse metaphorically, language 

Ohhh shiiett! This may or may not be the last part of this little series! Read this and let me know if I should continue or leave it up to you’re own interpretation :’))

Part 4 - the feeling of withdrawal has such an effect on you and meanwhile, Tom keeps thinking about you after the departure

*Tom is in bold

https://soundcloud.com/ginsengxx/shes-in-my-dreams

-

On your drive back home, it was hard to focus on the road with the thoughts rushing through your mind. You had already slammed your head against the steering wheel once you saw Tom pull out of the parking lot first. You felt dumb, you felt stupid, yet you felt lucky and honored to have been in his presence; hence why you beat yourself up physically and mentally.

Driving seemed dangerous to you because of you. You definitely didn’t want to be anywhere else but home from then on. The feeling of withdrawal from Tom felt like a drug. You had injected yourself with his charisma and wanted to live off of his high forever; you didn’t care if you overdosed on him.

It took the strength you had to pull all your baskets out and carry them inside the house. And when you realized that Tom had touched the exact handles minutes earlier, you wanted to scream.

How am I supposed to get through the rest of the week after what just happened?

You debated whether or not you should call in “sick” for work tomorrow. You also debated whether or not you should post on social media about your bizarre encounter but you didn’t want others to disturb him if he came back to that same laundromat. Crowds of people could be waiting for him the next time he came and he would immediately feel let down and betrayed.

So many decisions and so many choices were open for you and yet, they all made you seem like a psycho. You could be that person who posted “I JJST FUCKSK MET TOM HOLLAND” on Instagram, Twitter and Tumblr. But in all honesty, you were still trying to catch your breath.

The only action you could do once you stepped foot in your flat was plop on your bed and think about him to no end. You switched between multiple sleeping positions but nothing felt good enough. Sleeping in Tom’s arms felt so much better to you at the moment.

The tears came soon after and they were because of the love you felt. And you wondered if Tom would forget about you after today. Considering how busy he is, you were sure of it.

There’s no way he would even think about me after this?

But you would be surprised at what Tom was actually doing. Him on the other hand, kept replaying your facial expressions in his head while driving.

Damn. He thought.

His knuckled clasped his steering wheel hard; turning pale in the process. He had to tell Harrison about this while they went out to eat. Maybe talking with his best mate would help him decide if he should try and see you again.

They were going to a simple restaurant that was downtown. But first he had to change his clothes.

The same images flashed through him but he didn’t get tired of it. The way you looked at him intrigued him. The way you spoke to him intrigued him. The way you acted intrigued him.

He was actually glad that he had a certain place to remember you by if he was never able to see you again. He felt silly for praising a laundromat in his head but “oh fucking well” he thought.

-

“Shit dude! I didn’t even get their number or anything!”

Harrison was really surprised Tom was distressed over something like this. He witnessed his best friend stuttering every other word and having trouble picking up his food with a fork which shouldn’t even be that difficult. He could tell Tom was struck over with attachment in the most eccentric way.

“Tom listen to me, that was just today that you met them. And what if they were weirded out by you wanting to exchange numbers anyways!” Harrison exclaimed, trying to calm down his brother but to no avail.

“Ugh, I could tell they knew me.  They called me beautiful for fucks sake!”

“Wait! They said that?” Harrison almost choked on his drink while listening intently with caution.

“Yes man! I’ve never seen anything like it. And I want to keep seeing it, I don’t care.” Tom huffed with so much force and let his head fall in shame. His appetite wasn’t as strong as it usually was for today and he wondered if you were the cause. The tone of his voice had changed from excitement to tell a story, to anxiety that made him want to drop everything.

“I don’t know man. I guess you could can try and catch them next week. Maybe they go the same day every week and since today’s Sunday, do it next Sunday.”

Harrison felt sympathy for Tom and hoped his advice was meaningful. But Tom was treading on thin ice, and if he wanted to go farther than friendship with you, he would have to realize his risks. He would only wait until later to warn Tom if you were actually there again next week.

The rest of the brunch was silent except for when the server checked up on the two boys.

~

You had proceeded through your week semi-normal. You decided not to call in for work and push through everything. Daydreaming became more frequent though, and this damaged your coordination; even your co-workers and classmates could tell.

You would be lying to yourself if you said you hadn’t driven past the laundromat every other morning, hoping to see your russet-eyed boy. His Audi was nowhere to be found each time you checked so you gave up and concluded that his washer machine and dryer were just temporarily broken or not even installed yet.

Tom had continued on with his week in a clumsy fashion. He lost his train of thought more than ever. And practicing his scripts for upcoming films was a challenge. He found himself re-reading the same lines in a row before cursing at himself; causing Tessa to stir and look up at him with confusion.

He was aware that a friendship could blossom if he kept in contact. He knew you would open up to him, he just had to be gentle with you. You were a treasured delicacy to him and he didn’t care if he had to hear yapping from Harrison if he went further with you in the future.

Next Sunday approached fast for you and slow for Tom. The same routine started again with your laundry. You had gathered your color-coordinated clothes and coins for the day.

The feeling of dread was present again, not only because a lot of people could be there, but because Tom might not be there. You would for sure keep going even after today.

I guess I shouldn’t give up.

While putting your baskets inside your car, you realized how beautiful dawn seemed today. With sunrise approaching, the vermillion tones and flushed shades of pink covered the sky above you. It calmly put you at ease while you drove to the same place you met Thomas.

It sucked that you didn’t have anyone to share this dilemma with. If you did tell anyone, you didn’t trust them enough to not spread the word. The last thing you wanted, was for Tom to never come back here again if a mass of people kept showing up just for him.

On the other end, Tom needed Harrison’s assistance for today in order to make this chance work. Since he didn’t actually need any of his clothes washed, he asked Harrison to drop him off anyways and just wait for him in case you weren’t there. Harrison didn’t have a problem with it and met Tom at his place at 6 am.

“Tom are sure you need to be up this early?” Harrison questioned, using one hand to steer and the other to accentuate his concern.

“I'm positive! They got here around 6 the last time and that's what time it opens.”

“Alrighttt. I’ll just wait in the parking lot.” Harrison sighed while turning left to see the laundromat in the distance.

Tom began sitting abnormally in the passenger seat when he saw that your car was nowhere to be seen. His eyes grew wide and the expression of sadness was apparent on his face.

“Fuck dude fuck. I don’t see her car” He stammered with tension as he pointed in the distance where you car could’ve been.

Strings of curse words exited Tom’s mouth the closer he got and Harrison took it all in with worry. Tom kept taking off his baseball cap and putting it back on in the course of a minute to wipe the perspiration forming on his forehead.

“You’re really losing it man.” Harrison exhaled while finally pulling into a parking spot.

“I guess I’ll just wait for a little bit and come back ok?”

“Ok man, don’t stress about it. It won’t be the end of the world.” Harrison reassured with pat on the back and decided to pull his seat back and sleep while he waited since it was so early.

Tom got out of the passenger seat before scanning the area in case he saw you arriving in the distance.

Once he rubbed his sweaty palms on the side of his jeans, he opened the door and took a seat. Luckily, no one was there again and the familiar smell of detergent soothed his senses. No other sound was present except for the manager watching a sitcom yet again in his office.

You felt frustration build up when you saw a car in the parking lot that wasn’t Tom’s. It was a simple sedan that you had never seen before and if it was someone other than him, you would honestly scream.

The windows were too tinted to see anything so you trusted your gut that maybe it was only one person inside. You had gathered all your baskets that were stacked high in front of you.

Using your hand to balance the baskets and the other to open the door, you entered and heard definite silence at first. No machines were running and only the muffled tv in the background could be heard.

“(Y/N)?!”

That same accented voice you were acquainted with, filled your ears faster than you could gather yourself. Goosebumps formed at his vocalization filled with excitement while cold sweat covered your neck and back underneath your clothing.

Instead of simply placing your baskets down to see him, you dropped them with carelessness and saw Tom rising from his seat with the widest smile. His fair-skin met your eyes and his ivory teeth hit you with electricity that made you smile back with just as much intensity. There was more stubble around his mouth and there was discoloration around the bags in his eyes but you never doubted how beautiful he looked to you. Not once.

Rushing at each other in a tight embrace felt like the fantasies you came up with had realism in the deepest parts.

“T-Tom! It feels so good to see you again”

“I can definitely say the same sweetheart. I’ve missed you...” There was relief, passion, and tranquility in the words he spoke and he wanted you to feel his longing.

He missed me? Thomas Stanley Holland missed me.

To think you would be hugging Tom in a laundromat was something you wanted to carry along with you with utmost joy.

-

Part 1 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172785019225/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-mini

Part 2 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172810255305/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-warnings

Part 3 - https://bangtanscope.tumblr.com/post/172837117775/laundromat-tom-holland-x-reader-series-warnings

Tag List

@gryffindorbws // @hollandbaby // @softboyhollands // @f-andomimagines // @wolvesofthewinter // @zophora // @leni-lion-luke-larb-logic // @ashleyhearto // @im-meant-to-be-bi-myself

[smalltriumphs]

Let’s talk.

I don’t think many people know this but I started this Tumblr blog as a way to cope with anxiety.

If you have the time or interest to go back to my entries from 2010 - which I doubt you do - you’ll notice the posts were text-heavy. I needed to write my feelings down in order to make sense of them, to place the intrusive thoughts elsewhere instead of in my head. I’ve always kept journals and diaries as a kid. I’ve always felt the need to work my emotions out in that way.

Those closest to me know that something happened to me in 2010. Something in me changed, and I’m still not sure if it was for better or for worse. I don’t think I’ve ever explained it here or to even the people in my life. I think I’ve only described it in vague terms: I was overwhelmed. Stressed. I couldn’t take it anymore.

So why am I bringing it up now, nearly seven years later? Mental health has become a prominent topic since then, and it’s truly uplifting and encouraging to see public figures, strangers, and even close friends come to terms with and open up about their own mental health issues. Yesterday was Bell Let’s Talk Day, an initiative created to end the stigma around mental health and to raise money for mental health programs. According to the Bell Let’s Talk Twitter account, $6,585,250.50 will be donated to mental health initiatives in Canada. The money was raised by posting on social media with the hashtag, #BellLetsTalk. Each mention was worth five cents.

Not only were people sharing tweets and Facebook statuses, but also very personal stories in blog posts and Instagram captions about their own struggles dealing with depression, anxiety, and so on. I couldn’t imagine the amount of guts it took for some of these people to take ownership of their mental health issues. I admired their vulnerability and was in awe of their candidness.

And then I felt like a fraud.

Here I was, nodding along in agreement and admiration at everyone’s journey, but I didn’t have the balls to share my own. I shared this feeling of hypocrisy with Miller, and he encouraged me to write about it.

So here it is. I will try to be as honest as possible, but some things I just refuse to share and would rather keep to myself. I hope you understand. Also, since it has been seven years, I likely won’t remember every single detail.

In 2010, I was in my second year of university and I remember feeling incredibly uneasy most of the time. I was taking an ethics class, and not understanding the material at all, which was not a feeling I am used to. My grades were below average, and I didn’t have a single friend in that class to share my anxious feelings with. The teacher was no help either.

Then by the end of the semester, the teacher emailed me to discuss something serious in her office. As I sat down, she told me I failed the class. I don’t remember much but she said, “I’m sorry it had to end this way.” I nodded, fighting back tears. She let me out of her office, and I slowly walked away from her, but I really wanted to bolt.

I immediately told my parents I failed a class, and they were surprisingly supportive and kind, probably because they noticed my zombie-like behaviour and appearance lately. I was relieved to have their support, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like complete shit.

After that, things started to happen to my body. 

I was having a lot of trouble sleeping - so much so that I needed my mother there in order to feel calm. One night, after hours of tossing and turning, I called my mother in. I was about to burst into tears, feeling so frustrated about life. My mom, who was incredibly groggy, tried to calm me down, but failed. Instead, I started shaking.

It was completely involuntary. I had never experienced something like that before. I tried to lie down but I still kept shaking. I asked my mom to hold my hand and sit on me to get me to stop, and she did. Moments later, the shaking ceased. My mom spent the night with me.

That was just the beginning. What followed were months and months of restless nights, random bouts of crying (I cried in the car after a dental cleaning), intrusive thoughts about failure, death, and illness, feelings of inadequacy, difficulty breathing in certain classrooms or public transit...

I went to a couple of doctors, starting with my regular family physician, who told me to stop being idealistic. At the moment, I was bewildered, but I kind of understand what she means now. The second doctor was a man who prescribed me anti-anxiety pills - I took them once and, oh my gosh, never again. I felt incredibly alert and lucid and weird - not really what I want to experience before bedtime.

However, he also recommended I talk to a school counsellor. At the time, it wasn’t widely accepted to go to a counsellor as it was to make a trip to the dentist or physician, but I was desperate and determined to get through this, whatever it was. 

Once or twice a week, I met with a kind, softspoken brunette woman whose office was located in the basement of the university I attended. Muted pastels and light shades of grey surrounded me as I discussed things that I normally don’t bring up in conversation. My utter fear of failure. My affinity for control. The crippling desire to please my parents. I cried in that office more times that I can remember. I was embarrassed at first, but it felt good to finally let go and share the deepest, darkest, most hidden parts of me.

In those sessions, she recommended small things I could do to manage my anxiety. It was there I realized it was something I would probably never get rid of but I could learn to live with if I had the proper tools and resources. Most of them you can guess - friends, family, physical activity, self-care, etc.

Over the years, I tried my best to follow her tips (I have a Type A personality, after all...). Most days were good, but I also had - have - really bad days. And I’m still learning to be OK with the bad days.

I’m not sure what I hope to achieve by sharing this. Was it self-serving, to show how far I’ve come? Was it to participate in a conversation that I’ve been dying to be a part of since 2010? Maybe it’s a bit of both.

If this helps at least one person in any way, then I’m glad I’ve bared a part of my soul.

And now, back to the regularly scheduled programming of reblogged posts.

[allthingsgene]

  Detailed Information

Brand: Papa Recipe

Product Name: Bomber Honey Mask 🍯

Buy at: @beautymnl | @shopee

Price: Php 149.00

    Draws moisture into the skin and helps retain it with natural humectant honey; soothes stressed, troubled complexions with allantoin; richly moisturizes, repairs, and revitalizes with Gold Complex; heals and protects with propolis extract; provides penetrating, long-lasting hydration; mask made from natural pulp is suitable for even the most sensitive skin types; each sheet contains ample essence to leave skin feeling refreshed, soft, and smooth

🍯 Honey Extract – naturally an antibacterial that’s why it is great for acne treatment and prevention. Full of antioxidants which happens to be great in slowing down aging. Moisturizing & soothing.

🍯Propolis Extract – used for its healing, antiseptic and restorative capabilities. Assists in balancing, healing and soothing problematic skin. It also accelerates the rate of cell growth and decongests pores.

🐝 Royal Bee Jelly – helps in healing damaged skin.

“Slow and steady like a father’s love”

I LOVE THAT CATCH PHRASE! •Make fun of me or call me weird, but I used to put Atomy Propolis Toothpaste on my pimples. You read that right! And it’s actually effective in reducing its size and inflammation. (It was 3 years ago before I learned about skincare!) anyway, this package came in my doorsteps as a surprise and in the right time! My skin was purging that time because I incorporated a new cleanser on my routine. Throw rocks at me, but I don’t know that there’s a brand called Papa Recipe 😔 shame on me!

𝐏𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠: The sheet mask is in a kind of packaging that I’ve never seen on a sheet mask’s packaging before! That brown and dull yellow accent, plus the honey jar with honey round it it already screams HONEY! Super like it.

𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐭: I don’t like super sweet scents especially when I have to smell it in a certain period of time, but this one is an exemption. I like anything with honey, maybe that’s why.

𝐅𝐢𝐭/𝐀𝐝𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞: The material used was very thin and fragile. It fits perfectly on my face, but the holes for my chinky eyes and small lips are too big. Funny story, I refrigerated the sheet mask (because that’s how I like my sheet mask, cool and refreshing) then someone (by someone I meant my sister) put it in the freezer and I had no idea why. So long story short, while I was trying to unfold the mask, it ripped.

𝐌𝐲 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞: I just found my go-to sheet mask! From skin purging to a calm and soothed one. It did brighten my skin and gave it a natural glowing look which I loved. It has the right amount of essence inside, the sheet mask was soaked just enough. Wasn’t too messy to use. My pores did open and I think it’s normal because I’ve read that honey extract unclogs pores. After removing the mask my skin was well-moisturized and hydrated, it did leave a tacky feeling but only for a few minutes.

The mask is one of the many pricey mask that I’ve known of, but I am telling you that it is worth it.

About the Papa Recipe:

— The founder created products for his daughter who had skin ailment. — He wanted something that’s simple yet effective. — Nature’s best: plants, herbs, fruits and vegetable are his answer.

———— WHY DIDN’T MY DAD DO THAT? I love the story about this brand. Heartfelt! ❤️❤️❤️

5 out of 5 stars

To know more about Papa Recipe, you can visit the following:

Papa Recipe

*The product was sent to me in exchange of an honest and unbiased review.

        Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram | Facebook

PRODUCT REVIEW: Papa Recipe Bombee Honey Mask   Detailed Information Brand: Papa Recipe Product Name: Bomber Honey Mask 🍯 Buy at: @beautymnl | @shopee…