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kagome haters confuse me because anyone who can acclimate to a setting as dangerous and violent as the feudal era, quickly learn to shoot a bow with spiritual powers they didn't even know they had, adopt a kitsune kid, remain calm and come up with plans after getting kidnapped (multiple times), push aside ire or jealousy to help heal someone who tried to kill you, take detours during an important quest to help those in need, fight possession, resist evil temptation while being trapped in the dark alone for three days and three nights, all while being told that nobody will come get you, but still holding onto hope because all this time, throughout these traumas and death and destruction, you've always had hope...all while being a fifteen year old junior high student trying not to miserably flunk out of school....
...well, they have my permanent respect. but what do i know.
#kagome higurashi#kagome#inuyasha#inuyasha anime#inuyasha a feudal fairy tale#sorry I just saw a kagome slander post and wanted to#insert chainsaw sound effect#y'all make me TIRED#just say u don't get her and go!
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wanna play a game?
word count - 2,742
content - smut (minors dni), f!reader insert, extremely dubious consent, basically fuck or die, unprotected piv, slight breeding kink, twisted and fluffy feelings
synopsis - a dangerous escapee finds refuge in a haunted house and blends in seamlessly with the crowd of costumed goers. he continues his deadly spree only to run into you.
a/n - i honestly have no idea what this is :/
this was a terrible idea. the thought runs through your mind on repeat as you stand in line for the haunted house, the chill in the october air doing nothing to cool your nerves. your best friend had begged you to come along, promising it would be a night of laughs and good scares. but as the line inched closer to the gaping maw of the house, with its flickering lights and eerie sound effects, you felt less amused and moreâŚtrapped.
you weren't a scaredy-cat, no. you were an avid horror movie watcher and only just slightly quickened your steps when the lights were off at home. but this was different. you weren't watching from the safety of your sofa, plush sheets tucked tight under your chin; you were walking into the very heart of it.
in the recesses of your mind, you knew everything around you wasn't real, that the monsters masquerading in the shadows were just actors paid to make you scream. but as you stepped through the creaking doorway and into a dimly lit corridor, the rational part of you took a backseat to the instinctive fear that pumped adrenaline through your veins. the walls closed in around you, painted with scenes of gore that seemed a little too vivid.
your friend lets out a giddy laugh after one of the actors pops out from behind a curtain, a plastic chainsaw buzzing in his hand.
"wooh-boy!" your friend exclaims, leaning into your side as she catches her breath from the jump scare. "that was a good one."
all you can offer her is a strained smile as you will your heart to slow down. the corridor opens into a grim room filled with cobwebs and the scent of fake decay fills your nose. a scream echoes from somewhere deep in the house and you jump, your hand shooting to your chest.
a buzz starts from your toes to the very tips of your fingers, light at first but growing stronger with each step you take into the house. your friend grabs your hand, pulling you deeper into the maze of horrors, her excitement palpable. you swallow hard and try to keep up, the floorboards groaning beneath you as if the house itself were alive and aware of your fear.
suddenly, a strobe light flashes on and a multitude of figures lunge out of a rusty side doorway, your friend's grip on your hand slips away. for a moment, you're lost in the chaos of flashing lights and ghastly shrieks, searching for her familiar form amidst the strangers dressed as creatures of the night. your breath catches in your throat as the strobe light dances off the walls, casting eerie shadows that twist and distort the space around you. you're dizzy, disoriented, and utterly terrified.
you veer off the given path in a panic, stumbling through a foggy hallway that seems to stretch on forever. your eyes strain to make out the way forward, faux cobwebs sticking to your face like a clingy mist that makes you cringe. the air is thick with the smell of fake smoke, and somewhere, distant thunder rumbles. your heart is racing, and the adrenaline is making it difficult to think straight. you call out for your friend, but the echoes of your own voice are the only response.
a cold hand brushes against your arm, and you jump. you whirl around, ready to face whatever horror lurks in the fog, only to find a grinning skeleton, its plastic bones rattling with every jerky movement. a laugh bubbles up in your throat, part relief and part embarrassment.
heavy footsteps begin to approach from the other end of the foggy hallway you find yourself in, growing louder with each echoing thud and your chuckle dies in your throat. the faint flickering lights go out, plunging you into a sudden and absolute darkness.
whoever is on the other end of the hallway is slow in their approach, seemingly not in any rush to get to you. maybe it's a fellow patron lost like you, you convince yourself, but the muted glint of a machete in the person's hand suggests otherwise. you try to rationalize, it's probably just another actor, trying to build suspense before the next jump scare. but the darkness is thick, a velvet shroud that blocks out all other sounds except for the methodical steps.
all logical thought leaves you as the footsteps creep closer and you bolt.
if this was an act, it was one of the best you've ever encountered. the footsteps follow you, unyielding and deliberate before they start to speed up and the person behind you is full on chasing you through this creepy ass haunted house. you can't see a thing in front of you, your eyes having not fully adjusted to the sudden blackout. all you can do is feel your way through the cold, clammy walls, your hands sticking to the damp residue of who-knows-what as you go.
you trip over somethingâbecause of course you doâand go sprawling, the wind knocked out of you. the footsteps are closer now, and you can hear the raspy breathing of the person with the machete, their excitement apparent in every exhale. your own breath comes in short, sharp bursts, the sound of your own fear amplified in the silence.
you manage to find your footing only to slam into an apparent dead end. panic sets in as the footsteps are now right behind you. your palms sweat against the flaking wallpaper, searching for any sort of out. there's no escape, no hidden door, no exit sign. trapped, you're trapped.
as you whirl around to face your pursuer, the overhead fluorescents flicker and you're met with the sight of a towering, hulking man with a machete in hand. your mind reelsâhoping this is when the actor breaks character with a cheesy grin and a 'gotcha'. but there's no grin, only a wild-eyed stare through a botched halloween mask that sends a jolt of terror down your spine. you're frozen, unable to move or even scream. so terrified that your body seems to have turned to stone, you watch as the man approaches, his machete glinting in the sporadic light.
the man's hot breath fans across your face. he brings with him the scent of sweat and something elseâsomething metallicâthat sends your stomach roiling.
was he an actor gone rogue, some deranged psycho who liked to take things too far? you squeeze your eyes shut, tears pricking at the corners, and brace for the worst.
instead of a painful blow, you feel the man's ragged breath inch towards your face and then a pair of chapped lips press upon the damp skin of your cheeks. they're scorching, and you flinch when his tongue snakes out to taste the salt of your terror. your eyes fly open to see his masked visage only an inch away, his eyes low lidded and a furrow to his brows just barely visible through the slits of the mask.
he crowds you, his armed hand coming up to steady himself against the wall, the other finding it's place on the wall beside your head, trapping you in a prison of cold plaster and sweaty latex. you attempt to scream, but all that comes out is a pitiful whimper, your throat constricting with fear. you're acutely aware of the weight of the machete's tip pressing against your ribs, a silent reminder of the power he holds over you.
a grin forms against your skin and the man idles closer, his teeth scraping against your cheek like the sharpened edge of a serrated blade. with his bulk pinning your frozen body to the wall, you feel a suspicious lump press against your navel, and panic shoots through you anew.
no, no, no. this couldn't be happening to you right now.
there was no way you were lost in some haunted house with a disturbed, possibly murderous stranger grinding his erection against your stomach. it just couldn't be.
you let out a plaintive cry as the gravity of your situation sinks in and the man coos, a sound meant to be soothing but only makes your tears fall faster.
he seems genuinely distressed at your tears, his shoulders slumping slightly as he hunches in on himself. but his grip doesn't lessen, nor does the pressure of his body against yours. if anything he presses closer, seemingly trying to comfort you in the most perverse way he knows how. but that was crazy, right? this monster couldn't actually be trying to console you. right?
when your cries only continue to escalate, the hulking man silences you in the only way he knows how to. he covers your mouth with his own and swallows your sobs greedily. you squirm, the 'fight' part of 'fight or flight' finally kicking in. your hands push against his chest, feeling the solidity of his frame beneath his grimy costume. but your efforts are futile, like trying to move a mountain with your bare hands. the man's kiss is wet and sloppy, his tongue pushing against your teeth as if he's trying to taste the very depth of you.
his hand snakes down from the wall, gripping your waist and pulling you closer, his machete now digging into your spine. your muffled protests are ignored in favor of his deepening of the kiss and you feel his other hand move to the back of your head, his fingers weaving through your hair as if he's trying to cradle your skull.
growing increasingly frustrated with your constant struggling, he slams his hand into the wall beside your head, making the plaster crack and sending a spray of dust into the stale air. the sound is deafening in the enclosed space, and you feel the vibration in your teeth. you flinchâ hardâand the sudden stillness of your body seems to be what he's been waiting for. his grip on you grows less punishing and more consuming, his tongue sliding against yours with a fervor that turns your stomach.
you force yourself to calm down enough to finally take stock of your situation. this man, this monster, chased you down and seemed pretty intent on killing you before apparently deciding you'd make a better paramour than a corpse. was it your tears? did the sight of them get this sick fuck hard and he allotted you a different, more twisted fate?
you don't know and frankly don't care to. all you know is that you have to make it out of this alive, even if it meant playing into his twisted games. so, with trembling hands, you tentatively wrap your arms around his neck, feigning compliance. your stomach turns with every touch, but you force yourself to respond to his kiss, moving your mouth against his with as much passion as you can muster. he groans, a low guttural sound that makes your blood run cold, and abruptly lifts you off the floor, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist to keep from falling.
"little lamb." he croons into your mouth, his voice thick with undeniable lust.
terror is a living thing inside of you, desperate to escape, but you keep it buried deep. your body goes rigid as he starts to grind his cock against your clothed cunt, mere fabric the only barrier between his sick desires and your trembling flesh.
he's quick to rectify that though, impatience getting the better of him as he full on tears the denim of your pants open with one swift motion. the sound of the fabric ripping echoes in the small space, making your heart stutter. the cold air hits your exposed skin, the difference between the chilly room and his burning hands a veritable assault on your senses.
his own pants are next and you feel the heat of his cock pressing against you. the heavy, leaden weight of him pokes you through the fabric of your underwear and he grunts, hips rutting against you. your eyes widen in horror and you squeeze them shut, trying to think of anything but the reality of what's happening. you can't help the whine that escapes your throat as he starts to tug at your underwear, ripping them away with a sickening sound.
some fumbling occurs and you feel the tip of his cock pushing at your entrance, and fuck. he's big, stupidly so, and you know there's no way he's fitting without tearing you apart. you pant at the thought, cold fear making your cunt clench tight around him. he seems to like this, though, because his grunts turn to growls and he shoves harder, pushing through your tightly wound muscles until you're forced to open for him.
there's a sharp, burning pain as he breaches you and you bite down on his shoulder to keep from crying out. you relish in the wince he gives, the bitter sap of his blood that fills your mouth when you bite down just that little harder. he's oblivious to your silent rebellion as he starts to fuck you, his strokes rough and unyielding; desperate. the wall bites into your back with every frenzied thrust, sending shocks of pain throughout your body that you don't mind as much as you should. this whole thing isn't revolting you as much as it should, which in itself is a horror to grapple with. you fervently try to ignore how good his strokes feel inside of you and the way your body seems to be betraying you with every shiver of pleasure that races through your veins.
his cock stretches you wide and broken moans escape you unbidden, muffled into the crook of his neck. you hate the way your body responds to the intrusion, the way your hips instinctively rock to meet his thrusts as if seeking the relief it knows is on the other end of this. he seems to notice your shift in demeanor, a smug grin spreading beneath the mask. his tongue traces the line of your jaw, teeth scraping against your skin and leaving little indents in his wake.
"you like this." he says with a definitive air, his voice deep and sure like he's simply stating a fact. an irrevocable truth.
your head shakes instinctivelyâthe act slipping for a momentâbut even you're not sure if it's in protest or in response to the dark thrill his claim sends through you.
when his groans lower in pitch and his already desperate rutting becomes more frantic, you realize with a jolt that he must be close. a swooping sensation fills your stomachâpart fear, part reliefâknowing that this might soon be over. but you can't just wait for him to finish and hope he lets you go, you need a plan. especially since the idea of him coming inside of you is too much to bear. you're not on birth control and nothing is shielding him from painting your insides white with his seed.
your barely-formed plans for escape are promptly cut off and interrupted by your own impeding climax, the alarm in your veins mixing with the sudden, not totally unwanted bliss.
it's blinding, all-consuming and leaves you feeling more than a little light-headed when it hits. the whole of you tenses around him, muscles clenching, and you can't help the cry that's torn from deep within your chest. the man grins into your neck, his teeth scraping against your skin as he lets himself go, filling you with a thick, hot rush of his cum.
the only sound that fills the space between the two of you for a long while is his labored breaths and your own shaky ones. his cum drips down from between your legs, viscous and pooling in the crevices of your inner thighs, your body still trembling with the aftershocks. when your head clears, you register the soft nips and kisses he's pressing against your neck and shoulders, as if he's trying to be sweet in the aftermath of his violation. aftercare, you think with slight hysteria.
it's silent, too quiet, and this is where your supposed to do something, get him while he's open and exposed but your body is a traitor, limp and spent against the wall. worse yet, his cock is still lodged inside of you, pulsing with the last of his orgasm and you feel his weight shift, his chest rumbling slightly as he murmurs, "again?"
#f/o x reader#fave x reader#x female reader#michael myers x reader#leatherface x reader#slasher x reader#halloween x reader#halloween smut#jason vorhees x reader#thomas hewitt x reader#jjk x reader#cod x reader#jjk smut#slasher smut
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Reconcile II
Ok so I know that I wrote the first part with reader insert, but after many, many attempts to keep it that way, it just didnât work with this one. So Iâd like for you to meet Emma. This is my first time writing with OC and wow game changer. I love her and I hope you do too!
Also, I honestly canât thank my beta queens enough @oh-honey-styles @for-fucks-sake-h đĽşđ thanks for allll the comments and suggestions and nice words!!! ily both xx
Read part I here
Harry
âSo⌠are we okay now?â
Weâre sitting here on the sofa, finally having that very much needed father-daughter date. Granted, a movie night in was not what I had in mind. I wasnât too thrilled when she said she wanted to just go back home after we dropped George at his classmateâs house for a birthday sleepover. I thought she would hole up in her room instead and ignore me. But she didnât. I got us pizza for tea, and weâve got Shrek 2 on the telly. Her animosity towards me disappeared just like that after she asked for a puppy the other day. Of course, Iâm glad to have my happy-go-lucky daughter back, but deep down I know that we need to have a proper chat. The change in her behaviour is so abrupt that I know thereâs a chance that my daughter is still bitter with me deep down. And that wonât do. I can take a lot of things, but my daughterâs resentment is not one of them.
âYeah, weâre okay,â she nods as she takes a bite of her pizza. âYouâre still getting me a puppy right?â
âI still need to talk to your mum about it, poppet,â I tell her. âPuppies need a lot of attention. Itâs going to be hard work and that puppy is going to be a permanent member of our family. Weâve really got to think about it before we decide.â
I expect a little excitement knowing that her mum and I are really considering getting a puppy. But what I get is quite the opposite. My little girlâs gaze drops, her face slackening. Her voice cracks a little when she mumbles, âexcept⌠weâre not a family.â
I wince, realising how serious the effect our split has on my daughter. Despite Emma and I putting on a friendly, united front for our children, Minnie is still sad that her parents are not together.Â
âOf course weâre still a family,â I assure her, pulling her to me for a comforting side hug. âIâm still your dad, mummy is still your mum, and you and George are still the lights of our lives.âÂ
âBut you and mummy arenât together anymore,â she points out bitterly. âAnd you live so far away from us now. I miss having you at home.â
âI know, my love,â I murmur gently, and turn sideways so she can see my face. âItâs killing me too. But you never know what the future holds, right?â
âI guess,â she says glumly.
I wish I can tell her that Iâm trying to win her mum back so we can be together again, but I know I canât do that. This is far too early. I donât want to get her hopes up in case Iâm not successful in convincing my wife to give me another shot. Thatâll only break her heart all over again.
Thinking back, I realised that this is the first time we have a proper chat about our split. I fled to LA the next morning after my wife asked me to leave our marital home back in London, leaving her to sit down with our children to tell them that I was not going to live there anymore. I was shocked and angry because I had no idea what Iâd done. I thought we were fine. There were no fights leading up to that. I still remember exactly what I told her. âYouâre the one who wanted to end it, you tell them.â And then I left.
Just like that. Without a fight.
I swear to God, itâs something that I would never be able to forgive myself.Â
âHowâs your mum?âÂ
âSheâs sad,â Minnie sighs. âShe cries a lot. She thinks we canât hear her in the shower, but we can.â
Knowing I caused that physically hurts. I rub at the throb of pain behind my breastbone and I think about all those private tears I shed through it. The ones you hope are hidden and silent.
âCan I ask you something, daddy?â
âAnything, poppet.â
âDo you still get sad too?â
Iâm not sure how much to divulge here. Does my daughter need to hear that I stopped eating? That I once cried in the loo at Cafe Habana, and once had to be fished out of a bath by Jeff after I turned into a human prune? I was sad. I still wear that hat.Â
âI do. Itâs the end of something, thatâs always sad.â
âI think mum is dating someone,â she says and my eyes widen. âShe told us Luke is her friend, but I think heâs her boyfriend. Theyâre on a date now, arenât they?â
I can try and deny it, but I know my daughter is smart and wonât buy anything I tell her.
âWhat do you know about boyfriends?â I tease, my attempt to lighten up the mood.Â
âIâve just turned nine, Iâm not stupid,â Minnie rolls her eyes. ââSides Iâm thinking about getting one of those boyfriend thingies.â
I sit there slack-jawed, and my daughter roars with laughter.
âMinnie Alexandra, youâre going to drive me to an early grave, you know that?â
âHey, what are you middle naming me for? I was joking!â She says, still laughing as she picks a piece of pepperoni off her pizza.
âHow do you feel about your mum dating again?â I ask her.
She pauses. âI donât know yet. As long as heâs nice and doesnât put me under the stairsâŚâ
âIâm sure he wonât. In the attic maybe,â I joke.
She laughs again. Iâm thinking about keeping that bloke in the attic so my wife wonât date him anymore. Or even better, six feet under my patio. Thatâll do.
âItâs gonna be okay, right, dad?â
Honestly, Iâm not sure. But I donât have the heart to tell her that.
âYeah, Min. Itâs gonna be okay.â
***
I see the headlight shining into the front windows as I walk down the stairs from tucking my daughter into her bed. That must be Emma and her date. I pull back the curtain a little to peek outside, and Iâm right as I see that bollockfaceâs car in front of the house.Â
You know that saying; curiosity killed the cat? Well, in my case, curiosity fucked me with a chainsaw.Â
Iâm a bloody idiot. I should have just closed the curtain back as soon as I recognised the car. I mean⌠itâs the end of a date. What did I expect to see? A high five? I knew I was so sure when they left that he would not be getting anything more than a friendly kiss, but that date must have gone really well, because right now, my eyes may as well fall out of their sockets as I see that bastardâs tongue down my wifeâs throat.Â
Iâm frozen. Iâm gripping the curtain so tight that my knuckles are turning white. I stand thereâstunned. Watching. Iâm not even sure for how long. It does feel like forever. Like an eternity.Â
In hell.
And then Emma pulls back, and everything seems like a blur. I have to remind myself that my daughter is sleeping upstairs so I wonât go apeshit and knock that wanker square on his arse.Â
Iâm still glued to the floor by the door. Iâm too shocked to move. I hear the sound of keys rattling before the door swings open, and she looks surprised when she sees me.
And all hell breaks loose.
âWhat the fuck, Emma?!â She jolts at hearing me shout. I rarely did it. In fact, Iâm not even sure if Iâd ever yell at my wife before throughout our marriage. âYou told me last night youâd never even kissed him. You told me you werenât ready.â
âI- I donât know. He caught me off guard. That was-â
âI told you I wanted to make this work,â I remind her, trying to lower my voice so I wonât wake my daughter up. She doesnât need to see this. âUs. Our marriage. I told you I wanted to fight for you. But I canât do that with someone shoving their tongue down my wifeâs throat, can I?â
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I see her tear up and I immediately feel regret. That was harsh. But before I can apologise, I can see her lip curls up and I know sheâs about to get nasty. Itâs a rarity with her when weâve fought in the past, but I feel it coming.
âYouâre unbelievable, you know that?â She sneers. âYou think that if you put a toy down, itâll still be sitting there when you want to play with it again.â
âThatâs-â
âYou have no right to be upset at me. Weâve split up for nearly a year now. What I do and what I donât do on my dates is none of your business.âÂ
âI want us to give our marriage another shot,â I say in exasperation. âI want to try to win you back, but fuckâs sake youâre not even giving me the time of day.â
âOh, look how the tables turned,â she taunts. âSucks, innit? Being the one struggling to find the time when it seems like the other doesnât give a crap?â
âCheap shot, Ems,â I retort.
âTruth hurts, doesnât it, H?âÂ
Emma averts her eyes, her lower lip quivering. I canât tell if she regrets her harsh words or not, but she doesnât look back my way, and she seems to have said her piece.
I knew sooner or later this was bound to happen. We never had our big fight, not even that night when she decided that enough was enough.
âI cannot possibly go through that again. It physically hurts,â she says softly. âI know I was the one who ended it, but when you just left like that the next morning without so much of a fight as if ten years means nothing to you⌠that really did hurt. You left me alone to talk to the kids about what happened. And sure, you did call every day. But it took you nearly nine months to finally come and see your children?â
âI needed some time. Some space,â I tell her. âDo you think itâs easy for me being there? Away from my wife and kids?â
âYou chose to be there.â
âYou know I couldnât stay in London,â I murmur. âItâs too hard. At least in LA sometimes I can just pretend that everythingâs okay. That weâre okay. That my wife and kids will be there waiting for me when I get home. I canât do that in London.â
âThatâs a shit excuse and you know it,â she mutters.
âI still love you, Em,â I say with a sigh. I know trying to defend myself further for what I did will get me nowhere. âWe can fix this. We can be a family again.â
âHarry, itâs too late.â
âIs it him?â I canât help but go there, because thatâs a possibility. âDo you love him already?â
âLuke is a fresh start for me, H. I may not love him now but at least it doesnât hurt looking at him. It took me months to be able to get back up again, to get to where I am right now. To finally find a little bit of peace.â
Emmaâs head hangs low, and she rubs at her temple with her fingers. I want nothing more than to pull her into my arms. But by how stiff her spine is, I can tell she wouldnât come willingly.Â
âIâm sorry, Emma,â I whisper, resigned. Tears well up in our eyes. Thereâs nothing I can say that will change her mind because weâre not seeing eye to eye. Sheâs still focused on the past, not that I blame her because I did hurt her badly, but I know that there is no way we can go anywhere if she canât see past the harms Iâve caused in the past. âI hope one day youâll be able to forgive me.â
âIâve forgiven you a long time ago,â she says, her expression softens. Her thumb runs at a part of her finger where a ring used to be. âNow, I just want us to try and make this separation work. Focus on the kids. Letâs do the right thing by them.â
I nod.
âCan I ask you something?â
âYeah.â
âWhen did it all start?â I ask, my voice cracks a little. âWhen did you start feeling like youâre invisible to me?â
âIâm not sure I can point down to one exact moment,â she takes a shaky breath and pauses. âThe change was gradual that by the time I realised it, I didnât even recognise us anymore. I spent days and nights wondering what happened to us. That wasnât us.â
I wipe that one tear running halfway down her cheek, and as soon as my thumb touches her skin, I lose it. I canât help it by this point. Tears flow as much as I try to hold them back. Sheâs crying too. This is painful.Â
âAnd itâd be too easy to say that I felt invisible,â she continues. âBecause the truth is, I felt painfully visible. You ignored me on purpose. I wasnât even sure what I was to you anymore, because the only chance for me to get your attention was by getting you in bed. And that was wrong. It hurts, because it felt like you only needed me to warm your bed.â
I want to deny that statement. I want to yell itâs not true. That I never intended to take her for granted. That she still makes my heart skip a beat like a bloody teenager seeing his first crush.Â
But I donât.
Because sheâs right. Iâm not sure what happened either, but weâd changed. Maybe itâs our jobs, maybe itâs the endless responsibilities. Domesticity, children, they wore us down. Kisses became perfunctory. Hugs became less frequent. Hell, I couldnât even remember the last time I took my wife for a date night other than for social obligations.
âIâm sorry,â I tell her again. Iâll spend the rest of my life apologising to her if I have to, she deserves it. âI hurt you badly. I really am sorry, Emma.â
âIt wasnât all you though,â she mumbles. âI never called you out on it.â
âYou didnât,â I reply. âI never worked out why?â
âI swept it under the carpet because it was embarrassing. It felt silly having to ask for your attention. And I donât know⌠pride, maybe? And the kids. I didnât want them to know something was wrong. So I played along and carried on like nothing was happening.â
âWhen reallyâŚâ
âIt was like a punch to the guts each time. You were an excellent father. You still are, the kids adore you. This may sound insane and itâs embarrassing and painful for me to admit this, but there were times when I saw you with the kids and I couldnât help but feel jealous. When you couldnât even be bothered to look at me⌠it felt like you took a dump over all my love for you.â
âEmmaâŚâ
âI wish I could get past that. I wish I could just forget what happened and trust you again.âÂ
I bring her in for a hug and say nothing. She needs to get this all out. This is part of the process, and Iâm here to listen.Â
But where do we go from there?
Reconciling a broken marriage is tricky. I am not a violent person but I have never wanted to strangle people as much as I want to strangle those who wrote articles with countless advice regarding this subject, making it seem like itâs easy. Talk it out, get your point across, and youâre out of the dog house. Well, you know what, bollockface? It turns out that listening is not enough. Sod you and your dumb articles.Â
All I know is that I canât rush this. Sheâs not ready, and thatâs okay. Right now, we both have things to work on. She needs to learn to let go of her resentment, and I have to learn not to take anything and anyone for granted ever again. This is killing me, but there is no one to blame but myself. I take solace in knowing the fact that I donât know whatâs going to happen in the future. Maybe one day weâll be back together. Maybe we wonât.Â
âThank you for telling me all that,â I mumble against her hair.Â
âThank you for listening,â she looks up and gives me a sad smile.
***
Emma comes from a big family.Â
Thereâs Jamie, her eldest brother and the only guy. I think the fact that he grew up surrounded by sisters was what made us the closest in the first place. He hates wine, even though he makes a career out of managing his own vineyard. I know, the irony. The next is Suze, sister number one who lives in Sheffield with her husband and three girls. Suze and her husband are both orthopaedic surgeons. Then my wife, the middle child. Then Meg, sister number two who just had a baby. Itâs another girl so my George is still the only grandson in the family. And then Lucy, the youngest of the clan whoâs still in university.Â
They all live nearby, and I knew that all my in-laws hated me a tiny bit for taking their daughter and sister away. They were a hard outfit to infiltrate. You donât enter into a relationship with one of them, you get a whole gaggle of them. It was hard to get in, but once youâre in, youâre in for life.Â
After weâd split, I called my parents-in-law the next morning just before my flight to LA. I wasnât sure whether or not Emma had told them about what happened, but I felt like it was the right thing to do. After all, theyâd become my parents too for a decade. So I explained and apologised. Of course, I didnât tell them the details because I knew they were between Emma and me, and they respected us enough not to ask. They were upset, but they also understood that these things happen in life. All they wanted was just for their grandbabies to come out of this unscathed.Â
Now here I am, walking behind Emma and our children as we step over the threshold into her parentsâ home for their monthly roast. Her parents invited me and I accepted. I donât want to turn down any extra time I have with my kids as Iâve decided to leave today and head back to London. I was prepared to stay longer, take some time off work and fight for my marriage, but since it all has gone to pot, I figured I should leave. The world doesnât stop even when youâre struggling with marital woes. Iâve got work to do, and I also know that it is best to give Emma space.Â
I hear voices as we walk inside.
âIf littlâuns are going in highchairs then whatâs that extra space for?â I hear Megâs husband say.
Meg tells him. âCount again, addition was never your strong point.â
âOh.â
The house is suddenly quiet when they see me. This is my first time seeing the whole family again after we split, and even though my parents-in-law and I are on good terms, and Jamie too, I know the sisters would be a different story. All four of them are beyond close and theyâre now looking at me as if they shouldâve chucked me in the oven instead of the chicken.
You donât do that to our sister. You hurt one, you hurt all of us.Â
âUncle Harry!â Freya shouts in excitement. She is one of Suzeâs daughters. She and her twin sister Tessa are only a few months older than my George.
Suze, who is sitting on the sofa, looks a bit sullen, not knowing what the right call is to make. Meg and her husband freeze.Â
âAlright there, mate?â Jamie greets me, trying to ease the tension. Suze glares at him.
âAre you here to do magic then, Uncle Harry?â Tessa asks.Â
I bend down to her level. âNot sure I know any magic, Tessie.â
âYeah you do!â Freya pipes up. âBecause when we were driving here, daddy said you did a disappearing act on Aunty Ems. Show us what you did!â
âFREYA!â Her dad barks.
Meg can barely contain her giggles.
âBut we like magic. Youâre rubbish at magic,â she says to her dad. He widens his eyes.Â
The sisters are now all smiling smugly, knowing a couple of six-year-olds just shamed me on their behalf. Extra roast potatoes for those two.
Lucy, the littlest sister, suddenly enters. Thatâs definitely not a happy face. âOh, itâs you. Is that why everyone went so quiet? What are you doing here?â
âLuce,â Emma mutters.
âBecause I invited him,â says a voice emerging from the kitchen. My father-in-law. âHarry, glad you could make it.â
âOf course,â I reply. âThanks for the invitation.â
Lucy stares daggers at her dad, knowing she canât unleash her trademark rapier wit as sheâs surrounded by her little nieces and nephews. That one may be the youngest but sheâs the scariest out of all the sisters, my wife included.
âLook, if itâs weird, I can just leave?â I offer.
âNonsense, you must stay for supper,â Emmaâs mum replies.
âYeah, Harry, stay,â says Emmaâs dad, staring at his daughters. âI want you lot to be nice. Otherwise, Iâm putting you on the kids table. You hear me?â
The three of them nod in unison.Â
âYou two look well,â I say, my attempt to make small talk.Â
âYou know, dadâs been singing this morning,â Emmaâs mum chirps, tilting her head towards her husband. âHe joined a male choir. They think theyâre Westlife.â
We all canât help but laugh. This is classic mum. The tension seems to ease away.Â
Letâs just hope it stays that way.
***
Thereâs a strange feeling of dĂŠjĂ vu as I take a seat on the steps in front of the cottage.Â
Iâm all packed up and ready to go. My weekender bag is in the boot of my car. Nothing left to do but say goodbye to my wife and kids, but I donât go straight inside.Â
Not yet. I need a moment.
These steps witnessed a lot of our marriage even though weâd never stayed here for longer than a couple of weeks at a time. We loved to sit out here in the summer. I remember when I first brought my stuff here shortly after we got married, we sat out here with beers, sleeves rolled up, boxes stacked into Jenga-style columns.Â
I also remember sitting here last year on Christmas morning. Emma and I were both in our pyjamas and slippers, sipping coffees out of our matching Christmas mugs. We watched the kids ride their new scooters up and down the street. Everything was perfect. I had no idea that my marriage would end in just two months after that.
âHarry?â
I look over my shoulder and I urge her to sit beside me. She comes over and does just that. There is silence. We donât say a word to each other. A quiet hum of traffic in the distance, puffs of breath cloud the air making me think we should both be wearing coats. Christmas is nearly here again. My heart aches at the thought of this being our first Christmas since everything fell apart.
âIâm sorry,â she says softly.
âI should be the one apologising, Em.â
âI know you wanted to work things out,â I hear the sadness in her voice. âI really loved you, you know that, right?â
âI do,â I nod. âOur marriage, all those years⌠it wasnât all bad, though, right?â
âOf course,â she quickly replies. âWe had our moments. We have Minnie and George.â
We pause, letting that sink in. In all this mess, those two were and remain everything, some symbol of our marriage not being a complete disaster.Â
âThere were also times when you were a good husband,â she adds.
âWhy do I feel like youâre going to pat me on the head?â
Emma laughs under her breath.
âYour new bloke seemed a nice sort,â I tell her, because itâs true. I may hate the guy with a burning passion, but thatâs only because heâs dating my wife.Â
âHe is.â
âThat got legs?â I ask her.
âPossibly.â
âI want you to be happy, Ems,â I tell her. âWith or without me.â
âHarryâŚâ
âBut I also want you to know that Iâll be waiting for you. No rush, no timeline. Iâll wait for as long as it takes. Because for me, itâs either you or no one else.â
The front door opens and two little faces pop out from behind it.
âWhat are you doing out here? Itâs freezing!â Shouts Minnie.
âWell then come here and give me cuddles to warm me up,â I tell her.
Emma and I take a kid each. She takes George and lets him entangle his legs in hers, cradling himself into the hook of his mummyâs arm. Minnie uses me like a climbing frame. I bop her on the nose as Iâve done since she was a baby, and I like that it never stops being hilarious to her. The sky starts to dim, trees casting shadows onto the pavement. A house down the road has some festive lights that switch on and flicker on and off in strange syncopated patterns.
âThis is nice,â Minnie mumbles. âI miss the awesome foursome.â
âThe awesome foursome, huh?â I ask.
âThatâs what you used to call us,â I hear the sadness in her voice and my heart aches. I know she feels this all a lot more than her little brother. âI still remember.â
âDo you really have to go again, daddy?â George looks at me with sad puppy dog eyes.Â
âYeah, do you?â Minnie asks. âI love having you here.â
âI do, my loves,â I reply sadly. âBe good for mummy, alright? Iâll be back soon, I promise.â
âI donât like seeing you go,â George mumbles.
The emotion is a little unbearable and I see a tear trail down my wifeâs cheek. George looks petrified seeing his mum cry.Â
âDonât be sad, mummy.â
âIâm not sad,â she shakes her head, quickly wiping the tear off her cheek. âIâm just sorry daddy and I couldnât make it work.â
âDid we do something wrong?â George asks, looking at his mum and then me.
âOh, mate,â I reach out to cup his face, Emma pulls him into a hug. âOf course not. You didnât do anything wrong. You two are perfect, you hear me?â
âDo you still love each other?â Minnie asks.
Emma looks at me in the eye as she answers our daughter. âIâll always love your dad, because he gave me both of you.â
âAnd Iâll always love your mum,â I say, my eyes pinned on my wife. âNo matter what.â
Emma
âSo⌠tell me, he a good lay? He looks the sort to have some girth.â
I probably should have warned you beforehand about this sister of mine.
Lucy is my entertainer sister who has done every job going alongside studying. She went to dance school, spent six months on a cruise ship, has been an extra and once did a two-month stint in Les MisĂŠrables. On weekends she dresses up as Disney characters and does kidsâ parties which means she owns a lot of wigs and always has glitter in her bra. Sheâs the fun one. I keep her close because as much as I love my other siblings, this one has been a good entertainment through my separation. Mum suggested for her to live with me for a couple of weeks when I first moved back to the Peak, and Iâm so glad she did. It was around the time I lost a stone and would spend most of the time napping, crying and staring at the wall, surviving on cups of tea and Rich Tea fingers. She couldnât cook or clean and she used all my shampoo but she brought some light into the house when grey clouds threatened to consume it. She was also a great distraction because I could live vicariously through her tales of going to gigs and clubs and hear how sheâs not slept and got her boobs out for reasons of fun and frivolity.
However, when you talk to her, she always goes there. Sheâs brash and has no conversational limit. She thinks her purpose is to not only feed me but also revive a pretty dead sex life too. Actually, itâs not just her. After my husband and I split, my sisters think itâs their job to pique my interest in men again. Luke happened after a boozy Chinese takeaway about two months ago when I joked that a spring roll was the most phallic thing Iâd had in my mouth for over half a year. I remember a dumpling rolled out of Megâs mouth in shock, so Suze decided to play the matchmaker and introduced me to Luke who worked at the same hospital with her.
Tonight, weâre having another takeaway night since my parents have all the grandchildren for the weekend. Bless them for entertaining that crew of children we seem to have acquired over the past nine years. We have seven between Suze, myself and Meg, and I just hope that my parents are well stocked with wine. They will need it.Â
We all sit around my dining room table with the remnants of a KFC bargain bucket, a selection of Thai food, a giant bag of chips and some battered sausages. Iâd admit that we were already a little drunk to buy food sanely. Luke is also here, I thought itâd be nice to give my sisters the chance to get to know him. And it doesnât take Lucy more than thirty seconds after Luke gets up to take a phone call before asking such questions.Â
âI donât know? I havenât slept with him yet.â
Lucy looks at me in confusion. âBut youâve been on dates and stuff?â
âWe did have a cheeky snog last week but weâre taking it slow.â
âWhat are you waiting for? Just go shag him. Erase the memory of that wanker?âÂ
âHey, heâs your niece and nephewâs father,â I chastise her for calling Harry names. âDonât call him that.â
âWhy donât you want to sleep with Luke?â Meg, my other sister asks me. âLucy is right though. Heâs really tall, I bet heâs VWE.â
âWhatâs that?â I ask.
âVery well-endowed.â
I chuckle. âHonestly, I wouldnât know what to do with it.â
Meg giggles and places her head on my shoulder.Â
âLast time I had sex was on Valentineâs Day, girls. Do your maths. The next day, my marriage collapsed.â
Both of them huddle into me like penguins.Â
âWhich is why you just need to get over yourself,â Lucy remarks. âYou need to remember what sex is like. Itâll be fun and make you feel good. If you donât want to do it with Luke, you can have some taster session? Iâve got a uni mate whoâd shag you.â
âLovely. No.â
Lucy huffs. âYouâre so boring.â
âHonestly, Em, Luke is fit. Seems like a nice fella, and he genuinely likes you. Iâd have a go on him if I werenât married. You should just do it,â says Meg.
âYeah, you could shag him tonight,â Lucy adds. âMeg and I can piss off out and thenâŚâÂ
Then she does a strange rave-style dance as she thinks of her plan coming together. Luke returns from his phone call and Lucy jiggles in her seat. Donât you bloody dare.Â
âLuke, we need more wine,â says Lucy. âThere is not enough and we thought you could walk down to the shop and get some?â
Meg and I look at each other for a second, wondering what our sister is up to.Â
âSure, yeah, I could get wine,â Luke replies. âAny other requests?â
If she tells him to get condoms in then I will skewer her with a chopstick.
âAnything you might fancy or need?â
Sheâs walking an incredibly thin, thin line.Â
Luke gets up to retrieve his coat and grazes my hand as he does. This move doesnât go unnoticed by Meg and she gives me a sly wink. I hand him my keys and he heads for the front door. Meg stares Lucy out.
âSeriously?â She says.
âWe need to prepare you if youâre going to sleep with him.â
âLike mentally?â I ask.
âLike have you had a tidy? This will be your first time. Youâll need to at least tidy up the flaps and do a bit of topiary.â
âLUCY!â I gasp and laugh at the same time, holding my hand to my face. Who is this woman? How can you raise five children in the same house and come up with such a random entity?
She stands up and heads for my kitchen drawers, rifling around until she pulls out a pair of scissors.
âShow me your bush,â she orders.
âLucy! I prepare food with those scissors.â
âAnd weâll wash them?â
Meg is in hysterics as she sees this scene unfolding in front of us.
âIâm not getting my bush out in my kitchen.â
âYouâre so dull,â Lucy complains. âIâm trying to help here. What are your pits like? Shame thereâs no time to tackle your upper lip.â
I put my hand over it instinctively. âIâve got a moustache?â
âWell, youâre not Tom Selleck but it could do with a bleach.â
âYouâre being cruel now, Luce,â Meg giggles. âBut I think we do need the comedy of seeing Lucy trimming your bush in the kitchen.â
I stand up reluctantly and unbutton my jeans.
âHa!â Exclaims Lucy. âYouâre wearing nice knickers, you knew this was going to happen. Just peel them back a little and let me have a look.â
âBe quick for fuckâs sake. This is something that no one needs to see.â
âDo you want a shape?â
âWhat?â
âYeah, like a heart? Itâd be cute.â
âNo!â
Meg roars with laughter.
âIâll just trim the length then,â says Lucy. âMeg, put your hand out.â
âDo I have to?â
âDonât you love your sister enough to at least hold her pubes?â
Iâm not even sure whatâs happening here. One sister is very close to my private regions with a sharp object and I hear the creak of metal as she shears away. The other collects the trimmings in a napkin in her palm. This feels like an opportune moment to ring Suze, our other sister, and start a FaceTime chat. That time we all took one for the team so Emma could reclaim her sex life.
âThanks, Luce.â
âYou donât say this enough I feel.â
âWe really donât,â says Meg.
âWant me to look at yours, Meg?â
âIâm good.â
âWhat if heâs into weird stuff?â I ask.
âLike?â
âI donât know⌠maybe like choking? Stuff like that.â
âWell, no one breaks out all the moves on their first time,â says Meg but Lucy gives us a look like she begs to differ.
âAnd Iâm not on anything. I stopped the pills months ago. What if I get pregnant?â
âThatâs what condoms are for?âÂ
They both give me a look that says I am not fourteen and that I should have an inkling about how reproduction works and the preventative measures that I can put in place to stop myself from getting pregnant.Â
âHow do I initiate it?â
âMaybe you could dance for him?â says Luce mockingly. âYouâve both had a drink, let it just happen. Planned sex is the worst kind of sex.â
âI planned nothing. Youâre the one whoâs got the kitchen scissors.â
âIâm done, anyway. Not my finest work but then at least heâll be able to find it?â
Meg laughs again as she goes to the bin with her napkin of pubes. I do my jeans up and sit at the table, downing whatâs left in my glass. What if he canât get it up? Or worse, what if he doesnât like my boobs? I have modest boobs. They wouldnât win any competitions. What if he wants better boobs?
âYouâre overthinking,â says Meg.
âI havenât got any condoms.â
Lucy reaches inside her handbag, pulls out two packets of johnnies and hands them to me. How far ahead has she planned this?
âAny other excuse?â Lucy asks.
âLook, tonight, just get naked with the fella, have some bloody fun. Enjoy yourself.â
I hear the key go in the latch of the front door. That was quick. Crap. Luke enters the kitchen with two bottles of red that I immediately feel guilty about as Iâve got a rack of it in the utility room. He also carries a few packs of crisps and takes the kitchen scissors that were on my table.
âNo!â I stop him. âThose need to be washed.â
He looks at me in confusion and I love that he puts them in the sink without any further questions asked. He rips opens the packet of crisps with his hands instead.
âCrisps?â
Lucy grabs a handful of crisps before she grabs her phone, pretending to read some texts. âBollocks! Meg, we forgot about the party.â
Meg quickly plays along. âOh yeah, crap. Itâs that birthday party, innit?â
I feel awful. Iâm sending the sisters back out into the cold so Luke and I can have the house to ourselves. They both keep winking at me which is more down to the fact that theyâve had at least a bottle of wine each for themselves tonight. Luke stands at the kitchen door while I wave everyone off. This feels weird.Â
âHave fun, kids!â Chants Lucy as she shepherds Meg away from the house. I shut the door.
And then there were two. I turn around and Luke is no longer at the doorway. I tiptoe into the kitchen to find him stacking plates.Â
âShall we tidy up now?â He asks.
âIt can wait.â
My phone on the table lights up with an incoming text. Itâs Lucy. Donât forget to adjust your tits. Make sure theyâre facing forwards. Show a bit of bra.Â
Does this mean my boobs are not always facing forward? Where are they looking? This isnât helping at all. I ignore it.
âAlright,â Luke says with a smile that makes me feel relaxed but also on the faint side of nauseated. Itâs probably first time nerves. Is it weird that Iâm thinking about the cleanliness of my bedroom? Did I pick up yesterdayâs bra from the corner of my room? Do I remember how to go down on a man? What if he doesnât fancy me?
Sometimes I canât help but wonder whether my marriage ended with Harry because I was terrible in bed. Maybe I wasnât attractive enough. Iâve had kids, parts of me are stretched and doughy. Maybe I didnât provide what he needed.Â
In the last year of our marriage, I think itâs safe to say that I was mainly the one to initiate things between us and my success rate wasnât 100%. Thereâs this nagging thought in my head that maybe even on those nights I succeeded, those were just pity shags.
You know what, sod it.Â
I grab him by the collar and kiss him. He stumbles a little but then lets his body fold into mine. I can do this. Crap. Heâs lifting me up. He sits me on the counter and Iâd like to say the moment overtakes but thereâs red wine inches from my arse so I move the glass with my hand whilst still kissing him. Weâre kissing. This is weird. Itâs different. Itâs not my husbandâs lips. Why am I thinking about my husbandâs lips?Â
I shake my head, banishing that image. Harry doesnât belong in this room with me right now.Â
I feel his hands in the small of my back and then he lifts my jumper over my head. Iâm in my bra. Donât overthink it. Oh, the bra is off. My nipples are out in the kitchen. I run my fingers through his hair as he trails kisses down my neck. Is it weird that right now, at this very moment, all I can think about is that his blond, floppy hair looks like a golden retriever?
I gasp and push him away involuntarily when his mouth wraps on my nipple. This is wrong. This feels wrong. I thought it was just first time jitters but now I think this is deeper than that.Â
âAre you alright?â He asks, looking concerned.
I grab my jumper and quickly put it back on. âI⌠Iâm sorry, Luke. I canât. I have to go.â
âEmma, Iâm sorry,â his face reads panic. âDid I read the signals wrong? I thought you wanted this. I feel terrible. Iâm so sorry.â
âNo, please donât apologise,â I say hastily. âYou didnât. I did want this. Or so I thought. Itâs just⌠Iâm not ready. I donât think Iâll be ready any time soon. Or ever.â
âWhat do you mean? Are you breaking up with me?â
I have to be straight with him. I take a deep breath. âI want to give you the opportunity to walk away. Youâre a good guy, Luke. I just donât think itâs fair for me to string you along if we can never progress.â
âIs it your ex-husband?â
Heâs still my husband. But I donât say this out loud.Â
âHe told me that he wanted to give our marriage another shot about two weeks ago when he was here,â I tell him. âI did say no right away. I didnât think it was a good idea. ButâŚâ
âIs it really?â He asks. âYou two have a lot of history. Two kids. Why wouldnât you give him a chance?â
âIâm worried.â
âAnd what are you worried about?â
âMy heart?â I say quietly. âI donât want to go through that again.â
Luke smiles at me through sympathetic eyes. âListen to me, Emma. Iâm not a cardiologist, but I know that the hearts are the strongest organs in the human body. They can go through anything.â
What happens next feels like a blur. All I know is that by midnight, Iâm already halfway down the M1, on my way to London.Â
Harry
It was a knock on the door that woke me up.
When I first open my eyes, Iâm disoriented. I donât know what time it is, or how long Iâve been asleep. Then I realise Iâm on the sofa, and itâs still dark outside. Itâs also raining. I walk towards the door and open it, just in time to catch a figure going down the steps, which doesnât take me more than a second to recognise. I am in complete shock. Is this real? Is that really my wife, standing in front of my door in the middle of the night? Or are my eyes deceiving me?
âEmma?â
She stops on the pavement and slowly turns to face me. Sheâs spooked throughâher jeans moulded to the curves of her legs, the sleeves of her jumper dripping, her hair flat, lips slightly tinged with blue.
âI donât know why Iâm here,â she says. âDonât know what I was thinking.â
I open the door wider, and my voice is drowsy and deep when I say, âCome on, letâs talk inside.â
She takes a step back instead.
âI just⌠I wasnât thinking. Iâm here. I donât know why,â she sounds genuinely bewilderedâeven a little panicked.
âAre the kids in the car?â I ask her and she shakes her head. The wind blows, spraying ice-cold drops across my bare skin where my shirt hangs open. âYouâre shivering, honey, come inside.âÂ
She stares at me, so many emotions swirling in her expression. Sheâs like a skittish kitten who canât decide if she should let the stranger pat her head or haul up the nearest tree. It breaks my heart.
âI donât think I can.â
So I go to her.Â
The rain is cold and hard, soaking my shirt. Her eyes dart from the pavement, to my chest, up to my eyes and back again, like sheâs ready to boltâbut her feet stay glued.
I lean in so she can hear me through the rain. âDo you remember the first time we went to Paris together? When we were young and crazy enough to only rent one electric scooter for both of us, and we rode around the city at night?â
The corners of her mouth tug up a little. âI remember.â
âBut then I was going way too fast and we hit a rock, and both of us went flying. I didnât want to ride anymore the next day, because I was afraid youâd get hurt. Do you remember what you told me?â
âI saidâŚâ she begins, her eyes meet mine. âI said we had to keep riding. Because itâs the only thing that made falling worth it.â
I nod tenderly and hold out my hand. âIâm not going to let us fall this time, Emma.â
Her eyes are back on the pavement. âIâm not sure-â
I know she still doesnât trust me. I know that sadness on her face and how it penetrates so deeply. I know sheâs probably better off without me, the bastard who crushed her heart and soul and took her for granted for years.Â
We shy away from the things that hurt us. But thatâs what scars are for. They protect the wounds. They cover them with thick, numb tissue so weâll never have to feel that same pain again. The scars that my wife has inside? Theyâre tough.Â
I beg when she continues to stare at my hand, âPlease, just come inside.â
Slowly, tentatively, her hand slides into mine.Â
And we go in out of the rain.
I take her upstairs to the bedroom that used to be ours. Her teeth chatter as she sits on the edge of the bed. I throw a blanket over her shoulders, rubbing her arms, sliding down to cup her hands.Â
âShit, youâre freezing. How long were you out there?â
âA while. I was walking⌠thinking.â
âJust some friendly advice. Next time you go a-wandering, stop and buy an umbrella.â
Emma shivers as she laughs. I pull the blanket closer around her and rub her back.Â
âSo⌠you gonna tell me whatâs this midnight adventure about?âÂ
Her voice comes out soft and wavering in the dark room. âI was with Luke.â
âDid he do something to you? Iâve watched enough crime documentaries to pull a perfect murder.â
She shakes her head and chuckles. âWe were having a takeaway night. Meg and Lucy were there too, but then they left and there were just the two of us and-â
âPlease spare me the details,â I beg.
âNothing happened. I just⌠I couldnât get through it. Your face kept popping out in my head and I knew that if I went all the way through, weâd lose our chance. And I didnât want us to lose our chance. I know this is completely the opposite of what I said to you two weeks ago but itâs true. I wasnât ready then and maybe Iâm still not ready now, but I donât know about the future and you said youâd wait for me andâŚâ
Her words trail off and my chest clenches with that sublime mix of excitement and trepidation. Of wanting something so much itâs like every cell in your body is stretching, reaching for it, yet thereâs a grey shadow of worry that you might never get to touch it.
âOh, EmsâŚâ
I cup my hands around hers and blow into them. Another shiver vibrates through her.Â
For a moment we sit there in silence. Memories of us in this bed come flooding back. Of the kids piling in here bright and early, and us having cuddles and catch ups over the week just gone. Of the two of us and that sacred half an hour we had together before we go to sleep. Where we could have a proper chat without little voices interrupting us every few seconds. Sometimes weâd read together too, and other times when we just couldnât be arsed, weâd simply spend that half an hour scrolling through memes and having a laugh together.
âYouâve got to get out of these wet clothes,â I say gently, with absolutely no teasing suggestion. Weâre right on the precipice. I can feel it. And I have to tread so carefully, because one wrong move could send her away, truly lost to me.
I peel my soaked shirt off and let it drop to the floor. Her eyes move, trailing over my shoulders. I stand and slowly unbutton my jeans, leaving me in black boxer briefs.Â
Her eyes follow my every move, looking at me.
I push the blanket off her shoulders and let it drop to the floor. I grasp her jumper at the bottom and lift slowly. I wait for her to push me away but she doesnât. She raises her arms instead. I pull the jumper over her head and it lands with a plop on the floor. I remind myself not to enjoy the view. Iâm trying hard not to look.
My chest rises and falls as rapidly as hers. I sink to my knees in front of her and reach out for the button of her jeans. She lifts her hips and my fingertips graze her skin as I slide them down her thighs, leaving the white lace knickers in place.Â
âGet under the sheets,â I whisper and she does just that.
She scoots to her side of the bed, and I slide beside her. Without a word, she snuggles into my side. The cool feel of her flesh is a shock at first, but in just a few moments, my heat chases away her chill. Except for her feet. I practically jump when she runs one up my calf.
âYer a bloody ice cube!â
She laughs kind of evilly.Â
We face each other, almost nose to nose. Her hair still drips at the ends and a drop trickles over her collarbone, down her chest, and Iâve got to take a deep breathâbecause I want to lick it off her so badly.
âTalk to me,â she says softly.
âIâm taking time off work.â
âBut you never take time off work?âÂ
âIâve got a lot to make up to the kids,â I tell her. âSo I told Jeff to bugger off for at least until after New Year.â
I see her smile in the dim light.
âIâm gonna stay up with my mum,â I add. âIâll only be an hour away from you lot.â
This is something that Iâve been mulling about. If I really do want a chance with Emma, I need to move up there because absence does not make the heart grow fonder. That may be true in secondary school when you went away for the summer. But in marriage, especially in a broken marriage, absence separates people. It creates distance. Thatâs the opposite of what youâre trying to achieve. You want the closeness back.
My wifeâs palm runs over my bicepâtentatively at firstâthen with a surer touch. âTheyâd love that.â
âAlso, you remember my old mate Stu?â She nods. âWe got in touch just earlier today. Heâs got a litter of puppies and he offered one for us. I told him I need to talk to you first. So what do you think?â
âA puppy, huh?â
âA puppy.âÂ
âI think thatâs a good idea,â she says. âBut Iâve never had a dog though.â
âI can train it first at my mumâs?â I offer. âIâll get it all settled. Then when it starts sleeping through the night, Iâll bring it over.â
âDoes it make me a terrible mum for wishing we had that kind of service when the kids were newborns?âÂ
âWe had that service. Itâs called sending them to the grandparents.â
We both laugh, and when the laughter dies down, weâre silent for a few minutes. The thrum of my heartbeat jacks up as her hand continues to stroke my arm.Â
âHarry?â Her voice is the barest whisper, like sheâs checking to see if Iâm asleep.Â
âHmm?â
âI⌠Iâve missed you. So much.â
And Iâm done.
The need to kiss her, to touch her, has been pulling at me like a raging current ever since I saw her on the front step, and with those few words, I let the current take me.Â
***
Numerous studies have shown that having sex extends the human life span. At this rate, Emma and I are going to live forever. We probably slept twenty minutes max throughout the night and Iâve lost count of the number of times weâve done it. Iâm pretty sure the last time we did something like that was ten years ago on our honeymoon.Â
Weâre sitting at the breakfast nook. Her hair mussy and sheâs wearing one of my T-shirts. She looks freshly fucked, which I know to be true, and I reckon sheâd be ready to crawl back into bed with me if I just crook my finger. But I donât do that. Because this, us, sitting here in the morning sunlight, playing footsies under the table while we talk over coffee is all Iâve been dreaming about every morning.
âWhat are you thinking about?â She asks when she catches me looking.
âYou,â I smile. âYou look perfect.â
âNo, no more,â she shakes her head frantically. âI wonât be able to walk.â
âYou dirty lass, I was trying to be romantic and all that,â I canât help but snort in laughter. âAnd you always do that�� rebuff any type of compliment I try to give you.â
Itâs true. If I tell her she looks beautiful, she waves a dismissive hand at me. If I compliment her mind, she blushes. Even an appreciative look from me has her turning shy like a schoolgirl.
When she doesnât respond to me, I continue to poke at her. âWhy is that? Why does it embarrass you when I tell you that youâre smokinâ hot?â
She wrinkles her nose at me. âBecause itâs weird. I feel like you just have to say that.âÂ
She pretends to go through one of her old magazines from when she still lived here. I reach across the table and bat at it, causing one side to pull out of her hands and reveal her entire face to me. Now sheâs glaring. âYou are the most beautiful woman Iâve ever known.â
And I grin when I see red stain her cheeks.
âAnd youâve got the most gorgeous body. I take one look at you naked and I canât help but get rock hard.â
âStop it,â she blusters, now blushing all the way down her neck.
I change tactics, but I know this will embarrass her just as much. âYou are the most amazing woman. Kindest, genuine and grounded. Funniest too. And youâre the best mother for our babies.â
âOkay,â she snaps at me as she closes the magazine and slams it down onto the table. âYouâve made your point.â
Chuckling, I stretch back in my chair and nudge her foot with mine under the table. âYouâre adorable.â
She rolls her eyes, which I find to be beyond adorable.Â
Standing up from my chair, I walk around the table and hold my hand out to her. She willingly takes it and stands when I give her a tug. Itâs a natural move for her, to walk straight into my embrace and press herself against me. I tilt my head and kiss her on her jaw. âItâs something you need to get used to⌠compliments from me. Itâs never going to stop.â
She moans softly in my ear.
âWant to know what else youâre going to have to get used to?â I whisper as I kiss my way down her neck.
Her fingers come up, tangle in my hair, and fist tightly. âWhatâs that?â
âMy face between your legs.â
***
Some people might not put Quaglinoâs into the romantic restaurant bracket, but theyâd be wrong, very wrong. In actual fact, itâs quite hard to top. The interior has this 1930âs romance charm with candlelit tables, dark-panelled walls and an adjoining room for dancing to the soft tunes of the piano man singing bluesy versions of classic songs.Â
Tonight, I managed to convince Emma to go out to dinner with me before she goes back to our babies. I insist on driving her since I donât want her to drive alone at night again, which she initially refused but finally agreed.
We finish our dinner and split a slice of cheesecake for dessert. Probably not my brightest idea since I keep having to readjust myself because seeing her slowly swallow a mouthful of white, creamy concoction is a pure kind of torture. But I try to kick those dirty thoughts out of my mind and focus.Â
Since last night, weâve successfully managed to avoid the talk. It feels like weâre in a bubble where everything is perfect and weâre just scared to burst it, but I know this canât go on. Emma and I need to have a proper chat if we want this to work.
âPenny for your thoughts.â
âYou and I need to talk, donât you think?â I begin.Â
âYouâre right,â she nods. âSoâŚâ
âWhat is this?â I gesture between us. âAre you ready to give us another shot?â
âI think so,â she nods. âBut I want us to take it slow.â
âYou set the pace,â I assure her. âI want this to work more than I want anything else in my life. So Iâll do whatever you want me to.â
âWeâll see this as a new dalliance,â she adds.
I know this is supposed to be serious so I try hard not to break into laughter. âOkay. I will court you but I wonât ask you to move to an estate in the country. Not right away at least.â
âIâm serious.â
âYou sound like Austen.â
She rolls her eyes. âAnd we canât tell anyone either.â
âI agree,â I tell her. âAnd from now on, we talk to each other, alright? Iâll try to make you happy the best way I know how. But if itâs not enough for you, then you need to tell me.â
She nods, but then her graze drops before she asks. âYou really do want this right?â
âI told you I want this to work more than anything else in my life.â
âItâs just⌠when you first told me you wanted to fight for our marriage, I was overwhelmed because it was all so sudden. You told me everything I wanted to hear. Even at that moment, everything in me screamed for us to just fall back into it all the way. But there was also a part of me that thought you were just lonely, and maybe you thought that us getting back together was the answer to it.â
âNot true-â
Emma holds up her hand. âMaybe not true, but itâs my fear. Thatâs why I kissed Luke that night, because I was desperate. I wanted to push things with him because I knew Iâd never love him the way I love you. I knew that if things went to pot, I wouldnât be half as devastated. But with you? I donât think I can survive that type of heartbreak again, H. You donât know how much it killed me to end our marriage. I canât afford to fall back into something thatâs not going to last.â
âEmma,â I reach across the table to take her hand. âI canât even imagine how hard it was for you. I know for sure it was not a decision you made lightly, nor on a whim. I wish I had fought you on it then⌠had fought for you then. There was a time when I thought our marriage was over, and I was going to let you go. But Iâm not going to do that now. If it takes you weeks, months, hell, Emma⌠if it takes you years to fully trust my devotion to you, Iâm in this for however long it takes.â
Emma nods, biting into her lower lip. I can see her eyes starting to water because every bit of this is overwhelming. She turns her head towards the music floating in from the other room. Itâs a Van Morrison cover, Crazy Love.
âWanna dance?â
The request takes me by surprise since this isnât like her. But I toss my napkin on the table and move to stand next to her, holding out my hand. The simple delight on her face when her hand slides into mine is everything.
We step out onto the edge of the dance floor. I wrap my arm around her lower back, holding her tight and flush against me. One of her hands rests on my shoulder, playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. The other is clasped in mine just over my heart. We sway, eyes pinned at each other for a few moments.
âThought you hate dancing?â I smirk.
âStill hate it,â she answers. âIâm just using it as an excuse to be closer to you.â
She sighs, practically sinks into my arms. Emmaâs head fits against my chest like she was made to be there. My chin rests against her hair.
âEmma?â
She lifts her head from my chest. âYeah?â
âYou donât need an excuse.â
She give me love, love, love, love, crazy loveâŚÂ
***
âWhat the-â
âOi!â I yell, quickly pulling the duvet over my wife and I. âHeard of knocking?â
âHeard of a bedroom lock?â Lucy challenges.
Last night, we drove up the M1 straight from the restaurant. We took breaks in deserted services with shiny floors and bad lighting where we had coffees and wandered around WHSmith bulk buying sweets even though itâs really not that far. But you can never have too many travel sweets, can you?
And now, here we are, back at the cottage. The kids are still at their grandparents until this afternoon so Emma and I are enjoying the benefit of having the house all to ourselves by having a morning shag. That is until one of her sisters walks in on us. Iâm very aware that Iâm still inside Emma.
I pull out, roll over to lay down next to my wife, and we both stare at Lucy who is dressed from head to toe like Princess Jasmine from Aladdin.
âParty?â Emma asks her sister. We both try not to giggle as she sashays in to look at herself in the mirror then perches on the bed in her harem pants. Today, sheâs gone heavy on the winged eyeliner and shows off a flat midriff. I quite like the pointy silver shoes though.
âNo, Tesco,â she says dryly. âObviously a party.â
âWhat are you doing here?â I ask her.Â
Lucy glares at me. âWhat are you doing here? Besides rearranging my sisterâs guts, of course.â
I donât even flinch. Iâve been married to Emma for ten years, Iâm used to this sister of hers.
âIâm trying to win your sister back,â I say earnestly. I know that Emma and I talked about keeping this a secret, but she literally walked on us shagging. Thereâs no point in denying it. Itâs best that she knows my true intention rather than thinking weâre divorced with benefits.
âEh, about time,â she replies nonchalantly.
âLuce, please keep this to yourself for now,â Emma begs her. âThis is still new.â
âI will,â she nods. âJust a friendly reminder, though, Styles. If you hurt my sister again, I wonât even think twice before starting a business selling voodoo dolls of you. Bet I could make a fortune of that.â
In their girl gang, Lucy is the wildcard, the likeliest to carry a shank. I donât even laugh because she could be serious.Â
âDuly noted.â
âWhat are you doing here this early?â Emma asks her sister.
âI wanted to ask if I can borrow that giant tiger in Georgeâs room?â
âFeel free to borrow the rug in the front room as well,â I cackle.
âOoh yeah,â Emma chirps. âAre you going to find a whole new world?â
âHave you got your Aladdin?â
She pulls a face at our mocking. âMy mate whoâs supposed to be Aladdin is sick so I asked Jamie to fill in and he agreed because he owed me a big favour. But this lot changed their mind and wanted a genie so now I have to go to Jamieâs and convince him to let me do a full blue body paint on him.â
Emma and I roar with laughter. âPlease, please, please, take some piccies.âÂ
***
A month laterâŚ
I can only imagine the joy on my childrenâs faces when they open the door. Iâll be standing there with the pup in hand, but I know Iâm practically vibrating with excitement myself. I glance over at the little dog crate that weâd prepared to transport him in. Itâs a sweet, nine-week-old Bernese mountain dog. Heâs pretty chill, curled into a round ball, but heâs not sleeping. His eyes are open and alert, as if heâs just waiting to find out whatâs around the next corner.
The back of my Range Rover is loaded with two boxes of food, dog toys, bowls, a leash, and appropriate treats. Since Iâm still crashing at my mumâs, that will go to her place for when the kids and this puppy come to stay. Emma has an identical list at her home, already purchased and hiding until we hand the puppy off to the kids.
Iâve got a feeling that today is going to be a good day. All morning, Emma and I texted back and forth. Some of it was practical, like making sure we agreed on all the dog rules weâd lay down with the kids tonight. Some of it was lighthearted teasing. Some of it was dirty.
I canât remember the last time I texted my wife throughout the day just for the hell of it. I had fun with it, and I know without a doubt she had fun with it too. Which made me realise what a twat Iâd been for never doing something as simple as letting her know she was on my mind in just such a way.Â
Pulling into the drive, I cut my headlights so the kids wouldnât see me approach. I shut the engine off, quietly get out of my side, and press the door closed quietly. On the other side, I open the passenger door, then spring the latch on the dog crate, and this tiny little puppy totters straight at me with tail wagging.
I lift him in my arms. I shut the door and then move over to the patch of grass. I put the puppy down so he will go potty before I bring him in. When I was a kid, we had a dog called Max, but I sort of grew up with him so I didnât remember when he was a puppy. And Emma never had a dog before, so weâre sort of winging it with this puppy training thing. But I donât fret about it. I mean, weâve had babies, theyâre harder than this, surely?Â
I patiently wait for this little fella to do his business, which includes a few minutes where he attacks my shoelaces and tugs. Shite, heâs cute.Â
Eventually, he sniffs around, tail high and then abruptly squats to pee. I thought boy dogs lift their legs when they pee but maybe not at this age. I immediately bend and give him praise with an upbeat, positive tone that makes him excited. Whoâs daddyâs clever little fella? You are! Yes, you are! You did well, mate. That was brilliant! He puts his paws up on my shin, accepting my stretches with tail wagging and tongue lolling out the side of his head. My kids are going to fall in love with this little guy.Â
I scoop him up in my arms when heâs done and make my way inside. But instead of entering from the front door, I circle the house so I can enter from the back, knowing they must be all in the kitchen as this is usually the time when the kids would do their homework for next week. Walking past the window, I see that Iâm right. Emma is at the kitchen island with George next to her and Minnie on the opposite side. My heart starts beating faster at the thought of spending the day with my familyâand apparently our new third child in my armsâand I find it almost shameful I have such excitement over it. Shouldnât I have always been this excited? Or is it normal for things to just settle, and we take them for granted?
I shake that thought off of my mind. I had this important talk with my wife a couple of weeks ago about how we shouldnât focus on the past. Weâre both committed to repairing our marriage, and for it to work, we both know we must commit to living in the present. Because at the end of the day, the present is all we have.
I knock on the door and as planned, Emma will tell the kids to answer it.
In moments, itâs swinging open. I get a flash of Emma walking up behind our kids, but my eyes are pinned on them. Theyâre both in complete shock, eyes wide open staring at the puppy squirming in my arms.
Both stare at me mutely, frozen, as if they canât believe that this is real.
Finally, I say, âsurprise!â
Minnieâs gaze rises up to meet mine. âIs that ours?â
âThis is ours,â I nod, laughing. But still, neither of them move forwards, so I goad them. âCome and get him?â
Thatâs all it takes for Minnie to scoop this little fella into her arms, pressing her nose into his head and murmuring little endearments. George scratches him and he reacts to their greetings by wiggling frantically and trying to lick both of my kidsâ faces. They both laugh in a delighted way Iâve never quite heard before.
I look at my wife and see her tender smile as she watches our littles. I can tell sheâs as charmed by it as I am.Â
I walk inside because itâs colder than a witchâs tit outside and shut the door. âHe just peed outside, but we need to keep a close eye on him. If he starts sniffing around or circling, that probably means he needs a wee. Scoop him up and take him out to the back. After heâs done with his thing, give him lots of praise and affirmation.â
âGot it,â Minnie says as she plops down on the living room floor with the pup. The puppy jumps around, and all three of them start to play.
âNow, what should we name him?â Emma asks.
âDroolius Caesar?â I joke.
Emma laughs. âJimmy Chew?â
âSarah Jessica Barker?â I continue. âWait, no, itâs a boy. Franz Fur-dinand?â
âSir Barks-a-Lot?â
âDeputy Dawg?â
âBark Twain?â
We both laugh. Weâre shite at this. The kids are too busy with the puppy to comment on our suggestions.
SpongeBob SquarePants is on the telly playing in the background. None of them are watching, but I see SpongeBob scratching his snail pet under the chin before he picks up said pet and says, âI love you Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, GaryâŚâ
âGary,â I say. The kids look at me and I point at the telly.
âThatâs a ridiculous name for a dog,â Emma cackles. âBut I like it.â
âThatâs a human name?â Minnieâs brows knit slightly.
âI like it!â George exclaims, then proceeds to baby talk the pup whoâs chewing on the end of Minnieâs braid. âI love you Gary. Gary, Gary, Gary, GaryâŚâ
We laugh.
âH,â Emma calls, and my gaze moves to her. She jerks her chin to the kitchen. âHelp me set up the table? Iâve got a cold beer for you.â
Minnie and George still completely ignore us as we move into the kitchen.Â
It would be natural for me to sit at the kitchen island while Emma gets the beer and checks on the supper, but the kids can see me from where they sit in the living room. So I follow my wife behind the island instead.
Before she can make it two steps, I move right into the back of her. Hands at her hips, I push her all the way forward until the counter catches her hips, then I dip to put my lips to her neck.Â
Emmaâs head falls back and she utters the tiniest of sighs, one arm looping back to go around the side of my head so she can thread her fingers in my hair. Itâs an intimate embrace, but not one to provoke lust. Just a message that I missed her even though I saw her two days ago, and I love touching her in this gentle, loving way.
âThe kids,â she murmurs. âThey might see us.â
âOh, the tragedy,â I whisper dryly. âOur children seeing their parents hugging.â
Emma snickers and pulls away, glancing over her shoulder. âIt would be shocking to them. And until we know for sure what we are and where weâre going, we need to keep them in the dark, remember? I donât want them to get their hopes up.â
âYouâre right,â I mumble in a low voice before moving to the island. I glance back at the living room and see the puppy on Georgeâs back, trying to climb up. âNo touching around the kids.â
She smiles and hands me a beer. Sheâs got one in her hand, and we tap bottles. She then moves to the oven, where she bends to take a peek through the window. Obviously, I stare at her arse as she does.
âItâs done,â she announces, opening the oven to pull the pan of shepherdâs pie.
âNeed help with that?â I ask, noting it looks like it probably weighs fifty pounds.
Twisting, she grins. âSure. I made a double batch to send you home with some leftovers.â
That gets me. Not only she made one of my favourite meals, but sheâs also sending me home with leftovers. I pop off the stool, round the island and take the two potholders sheâs holding out to me.
After I carefully lift the pan from the oven, she shuts the oven door. I set it down on the two trivets sheâs placed on the counter.
Bending over, I inhale the scent deeply. âSmells fantastic.â
Emma bumps her hip against me. âWell⌠youâve been pretty amazing these last few weeks, soâŚâ
I bump her hip back before sliding my hand around her waist. Bending my head, I murmur. âAdmit it⌠itâs for the orgasms I gave you after the school run the other day.â
She chuckles with a sly smile. âPossibly.â
Leaning in closer, I touch my temple on the top of her head, lowering to a complete whisper. âYou do know that I can give you that any day you want, right, Em? All youâve got to do is ask.â
âOh, I will,â she teases.
âWhatâs going on here?â Minnie says from behind us.
Emma and I jump apart as if weâd been electrocuted by each other. We spin to see Minnie standing there, with George next to her holding Gary in his arms. These two must have worn that pup out as he is still, watching us curiously.
Minnieâs expression, on the other hand, is condemning and suspicious.
âNothingâs going on, poppet,â Emma says, her voice a little squeaky in panic. Itâs adorable.
âYour mum and I were just talking,â I calmly explain.
âWith your arm around her waist and whispering,â Minnie challenges. âLooks more like flirting to me.â
âAre you upset about it?â I challenge back. I knew she was upset when we separated and she struggled with it for a long time.Â
Her brows knit together. âIâm just confused.â
Emmaâs expression indicates she has no clue what to say. I canât say Iâm any more well equipped, but Iâm going to take this one. I give my wife a subtle chin tilt, silently telling her Iâll handle this and relief evident in her eyes.
âCome on, you lot. Help me sort Garyâs stuff,â I say, herding them towards the garage.Â
All three of them follow me into the garage, Gary still cosy in Georgeâs arms.Â
I immediately spot the stack of supplies, which includes a dog crate similar to mine, as well as bowls, a soft dog bed, food and toys. I pick up the soft bed towards the door that leads back into the house. Minnie turns to precede me, but I stop her. âHang on there a second, poppet.â
When she pivots to face me her expression is guarded. âYou asked about your mum and me. What do you want to know?â
âWere you two flirting with each other just now?â She demands. Crap. Sheâs nine. Sheâs not supposed to know that stuff.Â
I canât believe I get a little warm in the face at such a question, but I nod. I know itâs probably too soon to tell them but thereâs no point in denying this. Both of my children are smart, and they deserve to know whatâs going on.Â
Her eyes narrow. âSo are you⌠what⌠getting back together?â
âDoes it mean youâre gonna live with us again, daddy?â George chirps.
âNot yet, nuggets. Itâs not that simple.â
âIt kind of is,â she replies. âYou left for months. You didnât even come during the summer. Then once she started dating Luke-â
âWhatâs dating?â George turns to his sister.
âItâs when you like someone and they like you back and you become boyfriend and girlfriend then you go out to eat together and do other stuff,â Minnie explains, then she continues. âThen once she started dating Luke, youâre suddenly coming around more often. And then she told me that Luke wouldnât come over anymore and now you two are making googly eyes at each other.â
We lapse into silence for a moment. I need to think carefully about what to say next. George beats me. âI think Iâm dating someone.â
âYou what?â My eyes widen.
âYeah. I asked Poppy in the playground to be my girlfriend the other day and she said yes. Then after we were done playing on the slides we got hungry so she shared her raisins with me. I also let her take a sip of my Ribena.â
I try hard not to break into laughter but Minnie doesnât even crack a smile.Â
âOkay⌠so hereâs the thing. I was very upset. I know that was wrong of me to just leave without saying goodbye, and it was wrong of me for not visiting sooner. I needed time to let it go, and to accept what your mum wanted. But not once during that time did I not want to come back home. Iâve always wanted my family back.â
âThen what changed?â Minnie asks.
âYour mum and I spent some time apart because we both thought that was the best decision. But we were wrong. Because we realised that we didnât want to be without each other. So now Iâm trying to prove that Iâve changed. That Iâm a better man, and Iâm ready to be a better husband. The one your mum deserves.â
âSee,â Minnie murmurs, her expression filled with confusion. George dips his head and rubs his cheek against Garyâs head, who seems to be on the verge of falling asleep. âI donât get it. You and mum always seemed to get along great. You never argued. I never understood why you left.â
I move in close to my daughter and brush a lock of hair behind her ear. âA lot of that stuff is private between your mum and I, poppet.â
George asks. âBut why canât you just move in now, daddy?â
âIt takes time, mate. Your mum and I need more time to sort ourselves out. But I promise you two that weâre trying our hardest here, okay? We need you both to be patient. Can you do that for us?â
They both nod in unison. Gary blinks twice.
âI canât wait for us to be family again,â says Minnie.
Grinning, I bend to kiss her head. âMe too, poppetâŚâ
***
Emma
âGary! This way, Gary!â
Harry and I look at each other across this rather windy hilltop. The kids and Gary are exploring the neighbouring bushes and pathways as we perch ourselves on a rock nearby. We take in the view, the breeze biting at my cheeks.
My husband turns to me. âTea? I put some whisky in it.â
âHell, why not.â
Harry pours the tea out and we clink mugs. He brushes his thumb across my nose for no absolute reason. I was born and raised here, but this is something Iâll never tire of: these swooping hills and valleys, infinite skies and bracing breezes. As much as I loved London, Iâm glad weâve traded that life with this simpler one. There is no taxi nor Tube in sight but our kids are somehow a little bouncier and carefree. Theyâre happy here, and thatâs all that matters.Â
 âEy up,â greets Harry at a group of people walking past us. They are obviously tourists as they have no way to respond and one of them is wearing bog standard Reebok Classics.
We hear the kids squeal in the distance and we both smile at each other. Getting that pup was probably one of our best decisions. Â
âDo you remember when we first dated?â Asks my husband. âYou brought me up here.â
I nod. âI do.â
âThe view was decent,â he grins.Â
âI know youâre not thinking about the view.â
âI was thinking about what happened when we got to the top of the meadowâŚâ
âThat was some decent shag,â I chuckle. âNowadays, Iâd worry about getting ticks on my unmentionables.â
We laugh.
I stare over at my husband taking in the view and sipping tea noisily. He always pauses for a moment on any walk to drink it all in. He rustles in his bag and gets a packet of biscuit out, opening the packaging awkwardly and offering it to me.Â
âDid you know that youâre supposed to call it ânieceâ and not âniceâ? Apparently, theyâre named after the French town.â
âThatâs proper pub quiz trivia knowledge right there, Styles,â I tease.
We stay up here for a little while, but since itâll get dark soon, we start our walk back to the car. The one thing you forget about taking kids up mountains (small hills) is that for all that experience of green space and fresh air, eventually, you will have to bring them down. Despite having an entire packet of biscuit (with a whole lot of why did you bring this one? This is rubbish. You couldâve brought hobnobs), we failed to remember to pack enough snacks and a fine drizzle is now scratching at our faces. It takes George much persuading to keep walking and by the time we return to the car, the sun is dipping behind the clouds and the twilight sits in the air.Â
Harry decided it was fine to park in a deserted car park in the middle of nowhere to escape the throngs of regular walkers and tourists but strangely enough, when we get back there, we are one of six parked up.
âCome on, mate. Literally, just to the car. Like twenty more steps,â Harry begs our son to keep on walking.Â
âYou lied!â He complains. âYou said that twenty steps ago.â
âIâve got Haribo in the car.â
He progresses to a light canter.Â
âWhere did all these cars come from?â Harry asks as he approaches our motor cautiously.
âMaybe youâre not the only smart one here and people are following your lead.â
A car flashes us.Â
I look around at all the cars. People are sat in them. What are they waiting for? You see this sometimes when waiting for the rain to pass or when people decide to eat their lunch in the car.Â
Suddenly, I hear a car door open and a gentleman approaches us. His footsteps are low.
I know him. Itâs Patrick. Heâs our postman, so, yes, we have our very own Postman Pat. It was the first thing that tickled Harry when he found out years ago. And even better, the joke is not lost on Pat. His wife even got him a stuffed black and white cat for his cherry-red van window. I smile at recognising him, as do all of the occupants in our car.
âEmma, Harry, kids. Fancy seeing you here, of all places.â
âWeâve got a new dog and we were just taking him for a walk,â I inform him.
âOh, lovely. Whatâs his name?â
âGary,â the kids say in unison.
âHave you got a dog, Pat?â George asks him.
âNo, my wifeâs a cat lady. But funny you should mention dogs. This place here, people like to come here for that reason.â
âGary seemed to like it,â pipes in Harry. âI think itâll be his favourite.â
âThat it is. People come here all the time for walking and with their dogs and other such endeavours.â His face looks slightly ashen at this point, his eyes darting towards the other cars. âAnd the other sense of the word⌠I just thought I would mention it as you have the littlâuns and itâs getting darker. I think someone just flashed his lights to warn you.â
Harry and I realise what he means exactly at the same time. âOH!â we say at the same gobsmacked volume.Â
âDoggâŚingâŚâ Harry mumbles. âWe should-â
âLeave, like definitely leave, like now,â I say finishing his sentence.
The kids appear confused. I look around and shield my eyes. I should shield the childrenâs eyes. Patâs wife waves from the passenger seat.
âGive our regards to June,â I say.
âWill do.â
He salutes us and returns to his car. The kids have all the questions. âPeople come here to look at dogs?â George asks. âWhere are the dogs?â
âGet. In. The. Car.â Harry mouths very deliberately.
I slink into the passenger seat. Our eyes dart in different directions trying to divert focus from any of the cars ahead. Weâll be good if Harry doesnât drive us off a cliff face. He turns on the wipers, the engine roars to a start and he pulls away slowly.
âWe could have stayed and seen the dogs,â says George, a little despondently. âGary wouldâve loved to see his mates. Wouldnât you, Gary?â
I throw a packet of Haribo at him. Harry and I are silent. Weâve just strolled our children and our very young dog into an outdoor sex hotspot. We are terrible parents.Â
âWho fancies chips?â Harry says as he changes gear. He finds our littles in the rear-view mirror and studies their faces. âThereâs a decent chippy down road.â
Thereâs a chorus of approval from the back seat. My husband smiles. He then moves his hand over from the gearstick to find mine, fingers interlocked, the sky glowing a thousand different colours.
***
âAre you calling my turkey dry?â
I look over at my older sister Suze in the corner of our family kitchen wondering where on earth she had the courage to come out with a comment like that. Even her husband stops washing up to absorb what his wife just said to our mother. I mean, you think it, but you just douse it in gravy and make do. Such is the joy of white chalky meat like turkey. Why do this now? Now sheâll harp on about the bacon she puts on the breasts and all the goose fat. But itâs Suze. She likes the challenge. I secretly think the only way she believes she can have a relationship with our mother is to spar with her regularly so they at least have one line of communication.
âIt was a lovely dinner, Mum. Did you make the mince pies?â Suze winks at me.
I shake my head at her and bring the plate of mince pies through to the living room. Amidst my motherâs wreaths and tinsel wrapped around the lampshades, itâs a familiar tableau: Pop, my grandfather, asleep in the armchair in the corner, a holy green paper hat covering his eyes. Small children crawl on the floor and make angel shapes with their bodies amidst remnants of old glittery wrapping paper. I hope Mumâs made a trifle. My other sister Meg and her husband snooze on a neighbouring sofa, catching on much needed sleep since they just had a baby four months ago and I still remember four months sleep regression is hell. I like this part of Christmas where bits of old crackers litter the floor and twilight takes over.
I take a mince pie and escape to the last vacant spot on the sofa. George rests his head on my knees. âWhat are you eating, mummy?â I look down at his bright green eyes and wonder how he can still be hungry as he must be ninety per cent roast potato at this point.
âA mince pie.â
âWith cow mince?â
âNo, like fruity bits,â I pick out said fruity bits and drop them into his mouth like a baby bird. He pulls a face, tasting it, and then walks away.
Harry smiles at me from the bottom of the Christmas tree. Heâs laying down on the floor with one of my nieces. Heâs always been great with kids, long even before we have our own. My niece has her palm out, and Harry runs circles in it as he sings, âround and round the garden, like a teddy bearâŚâ
She smiles and laughs, poising her fingers, ready to bounce.Â
âOne step, two-step, tickle me under there,â he pretends to collapse into giggles and my nieceâs little face broadens into laughter before she rolls over and walks away to play with her cousins.
Finishing my last bite of the tiny pie, I roll under the tree to join my husband. He looks at me as I cosy up next to him, the lights reflect off his eyes.
My mother likes a real tree for Christmas. Itâs the smell, you canât beat the smell. I like to think you can get that real pine smell from a good supermarket brand toilet cleaner but I donât say that out loud for fear of incurring her festive wrath. And so thereâs always a real tree and like we endured when my siblings and I were teens, thereâs still a daily rota of vacuuming up the needles as we watch that bastard go crusty and brown as itâs shoved up against the radiator.Â
We lay there in silence, looking up at the branches and my motherâs multicoloured lights twinkling in some erratic fashion that my eyes canât quite handle. Iâve been to raves that were less of an assault on the senses. Itâs an overwhelming memory of our childhood, lying in silence wigging out on mumâs trippy disco lights, absorbing the magic of the season.Â
âYouâre drunk arenât you, tipsy-tits?â
âYou were the one who poured double shots of Baileys in our coffees this morning,â I cackle.
âThatâs called Christmas milk.âÂ
âWhat are you doing here?â Minnie asks, her head nestling into my shoulder. I rake pine needles from her head.
âNothingâŚâ Harry replies. âWhereâs yer brother?â
âHere,â George suddenly appears, rolling under the tree next to his dad to join us.
âLooks like the awesome foursome is back, huh?â Harry grins.
Minnie and George hum in agreement. I can see my babies smiling.Â
Itâs time.
âHarry?â
âYeah?âÂ
I take a deep breath. âWill you come back home with us?â
-
tag list: @gohometoacactus @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @kikisparadise18 @2am-2pm @rogersdirty-louse @harrys-cherriesss @icycoldbeanieweanies @niallbestie3 @peakascum @coucoukayy @awesomebooklover17 @sunflowerryvol6 @stylessugarhighâ @umadirectionerâ â
#harry styles#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry styles ff#harry styles fics#harry styles angst#harry styles fanfics#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#divorce harry#dad!harry#husband!harry#harry styles x oc
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Danger (Part 1)
WORDS: 1,304
WARNINGS: Mentions of explosions/evil plans basically
in case u wanted to know context of the Sympathy fic I did yesterday, Iâm writing a prequel tihngy. this is part 1 and doesnât feature much Self shipping (though it references my ship with Quackerjack and @spheartsâ insert Patch), but pls know the next parts will. reblogs also appreciated!!! I had a lot of fun w this ;w;
------------
   The Fearsome Five were once more up to something very dastardly. When weren't they? But it seemed today that in that warehouse just off town, not all members of the group were feeling so dastardly. A nervous Bushroot tapped his leafy hands together as he looked over the crate in front of him, one that wires were extending from.
   "Are we sure this is such a good idea? I -I m-mean...There's - there's just - there's innocents down there, you kn-know?" He shook his purple-foliaged head and frowned. "Oh, I c-couldn't bear to destroy the poor things...N-not so gruesomely..."
   Bushroot's concerns fell on deaf ears, of course, and in fact his words were met with a laugh from Quackerjack, who was dangling upside down from the rafters for whatever goofy reason. "Since when do YOU care about the civilians, bush brain?"
   "W-who said anything about people?" The scientist almost seemed offended, "You know I'm talking about the plants! The - the - the trees! The f-flowers! They're all blooming at this time, I couldn't stand it if they..."
   "Are you having second thoughts?" Came the voice of Liquidator, poking up from a puddle on the floor, "Tired of destroying your family trees? Not to worry, the Liquidator will set things right! Lots of water for lots of plants, right?"
   "Uh, I-I guess..." Bushroot nodded, but still seemed tense. "A-anyway, Quackerjack - don't think you're one to - to talk. You're the one with a f-family at home. Shouldn't you be worried about them? What if they get caught in the explosion - bet you'd be pretty bummed then...!"
   "Please, they know to stay out of any destruction zone!" replied the jester with another laugh, "Well, except Patch - but who knows where they go....Maybe your plants oughta do the same...You know...Make like a banana and split! Hohohohoooo~!" As he said banana, he pulled out Mr. Banana Brain, because of course he did.
   "Just better hope they don't get in the way again," Megavolt sneered. "They're always so unpredictable...But then again, so are you."
   "Hohohooo!"
  "Which one of you idiots is making Quackerjack a fool of himself again?" growled a new voice, and one that shot chills down each Fearsome member's spine. Negaduck had finally arrived. "Or is it just Quackerjack being a fool all on his own? Either way, his laughter is getting on my nerves."
  "Oh, goody!" Quackerjack grinned from above. "Boss is back! Great to see you, Negaduck! Buddy, ol' pal!"
   "Yeah, yeah, roll out the red carpet." Negaduck waved his hand with disinterest. "Is everything in place, boys? 'Cause if it's not..."
   "The Liquidator has a 100% satisfactory guarantee! Indeed, you, Negaduck, will be pleased - or your money back!" The watery dog seemed a bit too cheery considering all this talk of explosions...
   Negaduck shook his head. "I'll hold you to that, you walking infomercial..."    But at this, Megavolt spoke up, "But Boss, you didn't give us any money, so we can't exactly give it back..."
  "Well, your life can repay any debt, don't you think?" He tapped his foot on the ground. "I mean, really, that's what you're gonna give me anyway if you losers screw this up."
   "That's our Negaduck! Always so forgiving..." Seems like even the concept of dying a bloody death as punishment for failing sounded like a fun time to Quackerjack. "Anyway, boss..." He dropped down from the ceiling and landed directly in front of Negaduck now, "I've got a question for you, if you've got the time..."
   "I don't have the time." Negaduck tried to walk past the insolent clown, but Quackerjack quite literally bounced back to front and center.
   "It'll only take a second! See, Bushroot and I were just having a civil little conversation -"
   "Nothing civil about it," huffed Bushroot in the background.
   "9 out of 10 reviews give that conversation a thumbs down," added Liquidator.
   Quackerjack snorted. "Anyway, it got me wondering if YOU have any ties that could be -"
   And then, his beak was grabbed quite cartoonishly to shut him up. Negaduck was obviously unamused. "No, Quackerjack. Unlike you, I don't need a family to keep me stable."
   "Yeah, you only need a chainsaw," chuckled Megavolt.
   "Bingo. And frankly, I don't even need that. Any weapon will do, yeah?" Negaduck let go of Quackerjack now, but walked past while purposely stepping on the guy's foot. (Though this backfired, because there was a honking sound effect and that just annoyed the boss more.) "If that's all you nubs needed, then let's start the operation."
   "Aye-aye, sir!" came the chant of his cohorts. Negaduck would walk towards the earlier mentioned crate, which with the little help of a button on a remote he had, opened to reveal a computer inside. On the screen was a map of St. Canard in neon green color, and Negaduck began to type in some coordinates from a sheet of paper - one that he'd somehow taken from Megavolt when the rodent wasn't looking.
   "And...we...are...good...to....Eh?" His finger paused over the last number, "No, wait a minute, that ain't right..." He back spaced and tried again. Still no.
  "Somethin' wrong, boss?" asked Megavolt.
  "The coordinates I'm inputting on this detonator...They're nowhere near the correct ones." He glared at Megavolt. "Where did you set up the bombs?"
  "On the south side of -"
  At this, Negaduck's eyes narrowed. "The SOUTH side? You LOSER, you can't even follow orders right...I said the NORTH would be destroyed..."
   Megavolt stared, and became increasingly panicked. "W-wh-wha? W-well, it shouldn't be too big a difference! A-after all, it's still just a threat, r-right? Not like we won't get our point acro-"
  "That's not the point, you dolt! There's some stupid art convention going on in the South Side of town, and I wanted to specifically avoid that area!"
  Silence.
  "Uh....Why-" began Bushroot, but he quickly retracted his inquiry as Negaduck shot a nasty look at him. "Th-that is....We can just set the bombs up elsewhere, right?"
  "Yeah, and it's gonna take all day! Forget it, this plan was a failure...And it's not my fault, I'd like to say..." Negaduck crossed his arms. "Quackerjack and Megavolt can be in charge of defusing all the bombs."
  "Hmm...Is it really such a big deal?" Quackerjack smiled in a way that sorta said he was about to cause trouble, "It's just strange you'd care so much about a little setback that you'd cancel your whole plan...Not even a Plan B...."
  "Y-yeah, that's  - that's right!" chimed in Bushroot. "We should just go ahead with it, already!"
  "Act now, and the Liquidator can wash away YOUR worries, with a bang!"Â
  "It will SURELY shock you!" beamed Megavolt.
  "Will you all be quiet?! I'm sick of your puns!" Negaduck snapped, "You're all so...useless!" Well, this was getting nowhere fast. Soon, in a comedic fashion, the Fearsome Five became the Fumbling Five - everyone started arguing, and in the midst of it...Somehow, probably when nobody was paying attention, that last digit got put into the detonator.
  "Forget this," Negaduck growled, "I'll just have to..." And then he noticed the timer. "W- No! Oh, for the love of -" Everyone watched as he rushed to the computer and began trying to stop the detonator. "UGH! YOU IDIOTS!"
  The others looked at each other. Then at Negaduck. Then at each other. And as they ran away so as not to meet his wrath, Liquidator shouted out another quote of "Act now, the offer ends soon!"
  "Oh, more than that is gonna end...." But there was no time to worry about that with the clock ticking. He gripped his hat in a stressed manner, yanking on it to try and calm his nerves. But he couldn't stop the detonator - he'd specifically planned that so that Darkwing couldn't screw things up...What irony!
  But why did he care about that art convention? Well, as he rushed off to try and find a certain someone,  he wondered that himself.
#âĄđ Stinky Ducksband (Negaduck)#đżđ Tragic Blossom (Bushroot)#��� Liquidator (Platonic)#đŚđ Itâs Playtime (Quackerjack)#đŠď¸ Megavolt (Platonic)#kermitwriting#đđŞđŚ DoraPatchJack (Ship)#ok 2 reblog
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NCT 127 âChainâ Reaction/ Review
Alright, so it is very rare for me to come out of the comfort of my tags to share my full thoughts on something, especially a single MV, but here I am because I have so many things to say about Chain that I genuinely could not stop myself from making this post.Â
As soon as the song started, I was annoyed by the instrumental with all of the metallic clanking which felt extremely overwhelming as well as the little electronic whirring underneath. Then there was the snare with a strange distortion over it that I just really donât like even now. It sounds like my head phones have a loose wire or something. I had seen a few people already saying they didnât particularly like the song and, within the first 15 seconds, I was already under the impression that I would agree with them. Simultaneously though, the visuals were wrecking me. They looked incredible, that shot of their silhouettes in front of the blue and yellow sky is magnificent, and I was so excited for them to return to a darker concept (not that I disliked Touch, I thoroughly enjoyed it, but this concept is just my preference). In other words, I was prepared to just ignore the instrumental to the best of my ability and enjoy the vocals and visuals instead.
Then halfway through Markâs verse, the distortion comes off the snare. We also had a bass beat added to the track in the first chorus and the annoying metallic sounds were pushed further back in the mix, so things started to come together for me musically. The visuals throughout this whole section of me focusing more on the musical changes were of course wonderful as well, but nothing particularly stood out to me (other than the boysâ beautiful faces, theyâre always ethereal). Iâll also note that I didnât really like the adlibs at first, but the more I listen to this song, the more I find myself enjoying all of them and especially Markâs ridiculously high-pitched and adorable âbrrrr-ahâ.
Now we get into the pre-chorus and the point where my heart opened to this song/MV forever. I swear to you I listened to this pre-chorus about 15 times before moving on to the rest of the MV because I was so worried it was only going to go back downhill and I needed to fully enjoy it while I still could. We got two (2) full seconds of Johnnyâs glorious vocals and I nearly pissed myself. They were sandwiched between a lovely line from Jaehyun and a lung-collapsing one from Yuta, but my heart stayed in the middle with Johnny. Itâs still there to this moment actually. I love how even the choreography here allows for âOh the center is facing backwards, I wonder who it could be... NO FâING WAY ITS JOHHNY! JOHNNYâS MOUTH IS MOVING AND WORDS ARE COMING OUT AND I CAN HEAR THOSE WORDS ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE AND ITâS ON PURPOSE!â I shouldnât be this excited over two seconds of lines, I really shouldnât have to be, but this is what SM has done to us. Johnny says to âmake a wishâ? I wish for a Johnny, Yuta, WinWin, and Kun subunit. This was also the shot where I noticed Doyoungâs incredible white jumpsuit and I never want him to take it off.Â
Next the chorus starts bumping and we get a really nice visual transition following Taeyongâs hand motion from the party truck shot to this open set with the members in all black and honestly? I wouldn't have even been upset if the entire MV was shot on this scene as a performance MV because they all look so fantastic and the blue lighting looks really pleasant. Iâm just a big fan of this shot and specifically the move they do in the choreography on the word âreaction.â But is it just me, or immediately after that are they miming taking a shot? Boys, Haechan is still a baby! I canât watch him pretending to take a nonexistent shot of alcohol! Heâs too small! (Iâm going to insert a gif that I made because I canât find one made by anyone who actually knows what theyâre doing, but I have to share this moment with you all so Iâm sorry for the quality. It is very bad.)
But letâs forget about all of that because thereâs a Johnny.. holding a chainsaw... I had to pause the video there for a bit and contemplate everything Iâve ever known about large men holding chainsaws near me without a tree that needs to be cut down. I mean look at this! I should be afraid right?? That would be the logical response.. and yet here we are. They follow it up with some more choreography thatâll make you choke on your noodles and my heart is about to fly out of my chest.
Then the vocal trinity comes in. Well specifically, Jaehyun comes in and heâs making all these faces that my soft Jeffrey would never even know how to make and his voice sounds so smooth. I swear I'm not saying this to meme, but it just sounds like warm milk. I canât describe his tone any better than that. Itâs so welcoming especially when it immediately follows the gravelly texture of Taeyongâs voice.
And then Doyoung slides in to build off of Jaehyun and Iâm convinced that they canât make my heart beat any faster, but Taeil follows and I was actually right about that sentiment because rather than speeding up, my heart just stops. Next, give it a few Mark lines and a couple more seconds and OUT OF NOWHERE, TAEYONG JUST DECIDES TO GO TF OFF?? WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM??? Now I already made it pretty clear earlier that I am one to be disappointed by really unfair line distribution.. but um, can the song just be like 6 minutes long and maybe a third of it be Taeyong throwing down some bars? Because that brought me right back to life after vocal trinity killed me. It was just so invigorating and this has happened a couple of times now where he will just really have a moment in a song and then it gets cut so much shorter than I want it to be. Personally, if I were doing arrangements for them (LMFAO AT THAT IDEA) one change Iâd make would be to take Taeyong off the chorus and spread those lines a bit more and then give him Markâs time at the end of this verse to really give him a chance to resolve the motion he creates with the speed rapping because the transition back to Mark feels rushed and anticlimactic. Also, Doyoungâs little âyeahâ at the end is adorable and if he takes one step closer to me with those bolt cutters against his neck Iâm going to have an aneurysm. The same goes for Yuta in those goggles leaning against that thing with his earring dangling down on his shoulder and sparks flying in front of his face. Just stay back, please.
Okay, but more than anything else, I think the bridge really sells this song for me. The vocalists just sound so good. Itâs also my favorite part of the instrumental when we ditch all of the extra noise and strip it down to a whirring synth that I actually really enjoy the texture of combined with the powerful vocals and building percussion. I love the layering in Haechanâs voice here because it creates such an interesting effect following the clarity of Jaehyunâs entrance and preceding the power of Taeilâs vocals. I would also like to just mention how much I really like WinWin and Taeilâs hair here. The braids on WinWin really highlight his bone structure and the shaved pattern in Taeilâs undercut is so effective for the mandatory side-profile, power vocals shot. Itâs almost enough to distract me from the glorious opportunity to appreciate his jawline and neck-- almost.
After that heavenly note we see the rare center Johnny and Haechan and I have been thoroughly blessed. Honestly, Pinkchan at 3:15 is so precious and Iâve giggled and smiled at that like second and a half for probably 10 minutes now because even though he stays center, that moment is just so playful and everything else is hard and I just love a soft Haechan okay? Heâs my baby, sue me.Â
In conclusion, Chain is a certified bop (other than the first like 30ish seconds that I still canât get behind)Â and NCT 127 continues to ruin my life with magnificent vocals, stunning men, fantastic choreography, and power tools.
#nct#nct 127#chain#chain mv#taeyong#taeil#johnny#yuta#winwin#doyoung#haechan#mark#jaehyun#reaction#review#đŻ#đŚ#đš#đŻđľ#đ#đ#đ°#đ¨đŚ#đ#đ#đ#robin rambles#bird's brain
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I Was In Heathers: High School Edition And Iâm In Post-Show Depression Mode So Hereâs Some Stuff From That
â˘âIâd like to kidnap a Heather and dress her in one of my Wonder Woman costumesâ ~ Beleaguered Geek 1989
â˘You eventually become numb to the clean lyrics in Candy Store (and virtually every other song) because the vocals are the same and they still sound amazing. Half of us donât even remember the original lyrics for some of the songs
â˘Still
â˘âIf you lack the juice, go play duck-duck-goose, let your mommy fix you ice creamâ ~ Heather Chandler 1989
â˘When youâre in the ensemble you kind of forget Freeze Your Brain exists because youâre focused on the ensemble numbers. Therefore every tech run and show, everyone would run around backstage to get ready for Big Fun after Fight For Me and then Freeze Your Brain would start and weâd all be like âoh yeahâ
â˘I understand why Big Fun had to be censored but in what world do high school parties consist of breaking the kitchen sink and setting the house on fire? In what world is property destruction the only thing that happens at parties?
â˘âCome give my pig a swatâ ~ Kurt Kelly 1989
â˘The sexy-time interlude is still in Dead Girl Walkig even though there are no sexy times had. In our production JD threw Veronica over his shoulder and then placed her on his âcouchâ (stage blocks). That would be effective if they werenât already sitting in the âcouchâ. Future directors take notes
â˘âLetâs gitâer doneâ ~ Veronica Sawyer 1989
â˘*insert first onstage kiss our directorâs ever done here*
â˘âI am more than fun beneath the bleachersâ ~ Principal Gowan 1989
â˘I was the Young Republicanette who in the clean version of Me Inside Of Me is basically the âone time she punched me in the faceâ girl from Mean Girls
â˘Kurt and Ram say âHeather touching meâ instead of the Stoner Chick and Iâm still salty
â˘I know everyone loves Blue, but Youâre Welcome is such a bop?? You wouldnât expect it to be because itâs more serious despite the corny lyrics and yet itâs so catchy??? And everyoneâs favorite???? The version we performed isnât the final version because the writers want to make Veronica more active so for all I know itâll turn out really different but our version was so good?????
â˘Kurt and Ram making rap noises is a MOOD
â˘Plus then showing that Kurt and Ram are trying to prey on Veronica and not making a joke out of it is so effective
â˘Regardless of Blue vs Youâre Welcome opinions, everyone in the cast agrees Chainsaw (the Youâre Welcome reprise) is better than Blew. It really is. Fight us
â˘âGet off the fence, GET OFF THE DAMN FENCEâ is the best line in the whole show
â˘Kurtâs last lines before he dies is me in Bio
â˘âIâve seen gay lions show their pride on documentariesâ ~ Ramâs dad 1989
â˘Seventeen has no changes because itâs sacred
â˘Dead Kurt and Ram are with Dead Chandler in the scene between Seventeen and Shine A Light. Their purpose is more for comedic effect than to add anything new to the scene but I like that they appear as ghosts before Yo Girl
â˘âAnd youâre not fooling anyone with that comb-overâ ~ Miss Flemming 1989
â˘In Shine A Light Reprise âkill yourselfâ is replaced with âend your lifeââŚbecause they are totally differentâŚdefinitely not the same thingâŚ
â˘Lifeboat and Kindergarten Boyfriend also have no changes because s a c r e d
â˘Yo Girl and Meant To Be Yours are put together as one track and they do the same with I Am Damaged and Seventeen Reprise. I donât know if they do that for regional productions of the full version, but
â˘We can talk about drugs here in Yo Girl and we mentioned alcohol in Seventeen but we couldnât in Big FunâŚSamuel French explain
â˘In Meant To Be Yours, they changed âburnt bodiesâ to âdestructionâ but everyone said âburnt bodiesâ for a variety of reasons
â˘The Meant To Be Yours harmonies are so good if the vocal director actually teaches them to you and you donât have to guess
â˘âLetâs go be seventeen, take off our shoes and danceâ ~ everyone but JD 1989
Overall, I went in a little skeptical but wouldnât have traded this experience for the world. The censoring is inconsistent at times and the show drains the energy out of you but I loved it so, so much. I guess this was a donât-judge-a-book-by-its-cover thing but really I just learned that theater friends are the best friends and that as sucky as life is we can make it beautiful.
Get it?
Okay Iâm done now.
#heathers#heathers the musical#musical theatre#heather the musical high school edition#heathers the musical 101#broadway#musical theater
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increasing awareness in workersâ health and safety will increase Personal Protective Equipment Market
Personal Protective Equipment is the protect the worker against safety and health risks at work. Items included in this process is gloves. Helmets, eye protection, high-visibility clothes, high-tenuous shoes and clothes for safety. It is mainly used for Making the workplace safe includes providing instructions, procedures, training, and supervision to encourage people to work safely and responsibly. If you work day to day worker, then use PPE because it can protect you from harm. When you use a product and after the work finish your first priorities to save the PP Equipment by stored in, e.g. in a dry, clean cupboard. If it is reusable it must be cleaned and kept in good condition.
Types of PPE you can use
Eyes
Hazards Chemical or metal splash, dust, projectiles, gas and vapor, radiation
Options Safety spectacles, goggles, face screens, face shields, visors
Note Make sure the eye protection chosen has the right combination of impact/dust/splash/molten metal eye protection for the task and fits the user properly
Head and neck
Hazards An impact from falling or flying objects, a risk of head bumping, hair getting tangled in machinery, chemical drips or splash, climate or temperature
Options Industrial safety helmets, bump caps, hairnets and firefighters' helmets
Note
Some safety   helmets incorporate or can be fitted with specially-designed eye or   hearing protection
Don't forget neck   protection, e.g. scarves for use during welding
Replace head   protection if it is damaged
Ears
Hazards Noise â a combination of sound level and duration of exposure, very high-level sounds are a hazard even with short duration
Options Earplugs, earmuffs, semi-insert/canal caps
Note
Provide the right   hearing protectors for the type of work, and make sure workers know how to   fit them
Choose protectors   that reduce noise to an acceptable level, while allowing for safety and   communication
Hands and arms
Hazards Abrasion, temperature extremes, cuts and punctures, impact, chemicals, electric shock, radiation, vibration, biological agents and prolonged immersion in water
Options Gloves, gloves with a cuff, gauntlets, and sleeving that covers part or all the arm
Note
Avoid gloves when   operating machines such as bench drills where the gloves might get caught
Some materials are   quickly penetrated by chemicals â take care in a selection
Barrier creams are   unreliable and are no substitute for proper PPE
Wearing gloves for   long periods can make the skin hot and sweaty, leading to skin problems.   Using separate cotton inner gloves can help prevent this
Feet and legs
Hazards Wet, hot and cold conditions, electrostatic build-up, slipping, cuts and punctures, falling objects, heavy loads, metal and chemical splash, vehicles
Options Safety boots and shoes with protective toecaps and penetration-resistant, mid-sole wellington boots and specific footwear, e.g. foundry boots and chainsaw boots
Note
Footwear can have   a variety of sole patterns and materials to help prevent slips in   different conditions, including oil - or chemical-resistant soles. It can   also be anti-static, electrically conductive or thermally insulating
Appropriate   footwear should be selected for the risks identified
Lungs
Hazards
Oxygen-deficient   atmospheres, dust, gases, and vapors
Options â respiratory protective equipment (RPE)
Some respirators   rely on filtering contaminants from workplace air. These include simple   filtering facepieces and respirators and power-assisted respirators
Make sure it fits   properly, e.g. for tight-fitting respirators (filtering facepieces, half   and full masks)
There are also   types of breathing apparatus which give an independent supply of   breathable air, e.g. fresh-air hose, compressed airline and self-contained   breathing apparatus
Note
The right type of   respirator filter must be used as each is effective for only a limited   range of substances
Filters have only   a limited life. Where there is a shortage of oxygen or any danger of   losing consciousness due to exposure to high levels of harmful fumes, only   use breathing apparatus â never use a filtering cartridge
You will need to   use breathing apparatus in a confined space or if there is a chance of an   oxygen deficiency in the work area
Whole body
Hazards Heat, chemical or metal splash, spray from pressure leaks or spray guns, contaminated dust, impact or penetration, excessive wear or entanglement of own clothing
 By the Hexaresearch Report, The global personal protective equipment market to reach USD 55.6 billion by 2028, owing to the increasing awareness towards employee health and safety issues at workplace coupled with rising industrial fatalities in emerging economies on account of shortage or lack of protective gear. Technological innovation, along with changing consumer needs for protective equipment which offers complete safety and is fashionable and appealing at the same time is further estimated to augment the market over the forecast period.
Europe emerged as the leading regional market for PPE accounting for more than 32% of the market revenue share over the forecast period. The implementation of strict safety standards by regulatory agencies such as Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) mainly in Europe and North America is expected to fuel the need to use personal protective equipment over the forecast period.
Protective clothing segment accounted for more than 23% of the market share owing to the growing occupational hazards coupled with the mandatory implementation of regulations to use protective clothing in most of the core industries such as oil & gas, refining, metal manufacturing and automotive is expected to augment market growth of the protective clothing segment over the forecast period.
Construction is anticipated to be the fastest growing application segment for personal protective equipment in future on account of rising constructional activities in the Asia Pacific and Central & South America. Overhead costs associated with workplace fatalities is expected to increase product penetration in the segment over the foreseeable future.
Access full report or request for free sample at:Â https://www.hexaresearch.com/research-report/personal-protective-equipment-ppe-market
#What is Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)#How Personal Protective Equipment works#Types of Personal Protective Equipment#Personal Protective Equipment Market
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How to Block Snoring Forever
Despite the availability of many devices and procedures that aim to manage the problem, sometimes snoring is incurable. The market for products that prevent snoring and reduce the risk of airway obstructions is large, but results can vary significantly depending on the user. For some, they donât work at all. This can be frustrating for affected parties, especially non-snorers that may lose sleep because of the noise. If your partner has tried anti-snoring devices, snoring pillows, or even surgery and still has a snoring problem, there are alternate solutions you can try to block snoring.
Methods of Blocking Snoring
If trying to eliminate the source hasnât worked, try blocking the sound. Some individuals find that using a simple pair of earplugs blocks snoring. However, many others need more creative solutions. If sleeping on the couch doesnât appeal to you or you canât escape to a guest room, try listening to music or to mobile apps with prerecorded nature, water, or storm sounds. If youâre willing to invest in more expensive solutions to block snoring, purchase a pair of isolation or noise-cancelation headphones. White noise machines are another blocking device you can try.
Snoringâs Sound Frequencies
The average frequency range for snoring is approximately 45 to 55 decibels (dB), which is around the same loudness as a normal conversation. For comparison, the sound of a vacuum cleaner averages around 70 dB, and a chainsaw is roughly 100 decibels. Loud snoring is snoring that exceeds the 45 to 55 frequency and reaches levels of 65 dB or more. If your partnerâs snoring is around 60 dB, more often than not, youâll need a capable solution to block snoring.
Our Testing Methods and Goals
To determine the most effective way to block snoring, we used the Sound Meter App for Android and tested various against snoring videos on YouTube. Our goal is to provide readers with the best value solution to block snoring, so we kept parameters the same on each test and had multiple users assess the comfort of each item. We bought the products we examined from Amazon or individual retail sites.
What is the Most Effective Method for Blocking Snoring?
If you want a simple, direct way to block snoring, you could always get a pair of $1,000 custom earplugs tailor-made for snoring. Gun enthusiasts often buy these to block noise while shooting. There are also $300 to $400 white noise earplugs available, but there are cheaper and better ways to achieve the same results. While thereâs nothing wrong with choosing expensive, high-end products, they donât always work and many have mixed reviews from users.
At first, we thought we would find a single earplug or product that blocks snoring. However, during our testing trials, we realized that no one product can completely block snoring noises, although some are better than others. After testing items individually, we decided to mix and match products you can wear simultaneously. For example, you could wear sleeping earmuffs and earplugs or use a white noise machine while wearing earplugs. Read on to see the results.
Products We Tested
Hearos Extreme Protection Earplugs â The Hearos Extreme Protection Earplugs have the highest noise reduction capabilities of most foam earplug products. These plugs are soft, comfortable to wear, inexpensive, and able to reduce sound by as much as 33 decibels.
Etymotic Research HF5 Portable In-Ear Earphones â Etymoticâs earphones have the highest noise isolation of all in-ear earphones, as measured by an independent laboratory accredited by the National Institute of Standards and Technology. Etymoticâs HF5 series earphones are highly rated and deliver clear acoustics for audiophiles as well as excellent noise reduction for users who need to block noise from the outside world.
SleepPhones â AcousticSheepâs SleepPhones are soft headbands with built-in Bluetooth headphones. With SleepPhones, you can fall asleep while listening to music without worrying about wires tangling or your earphones slipping out of your ears. The headbands are made from a hypoallergenic material, and you can remove their wireless audio system when you need to wash them. SleepPhones are also rechargeable and have an average battery life of 8 to 12 hours.
Decibullz Custom Molded EarPlugs â As the name states, Decibullz earplugs are custom fit to the shape of your ear. These earplugs are well-made and comfortable. Buy these if you donât like the feeling of standard earplugs or if your foam earplugs tend to fall out while youâre asleep.
Flare Audio Isolate PRO Titanium â On Facebook, this company advertises that the Flare Audio earplugs will block snoring, but it does nothing to block snoring noise. This is a truly terrible product. They ship internationally, donât accept returns once youâve opened the packaging. Stay away from these earplugs. Theyâre overpriced, you canât return them once you try them, and they donât offer anything you canât get from using regular foam earplugs.
Ohro Reusable Wax Earplugs â Ohropax is a German company, and these earplugs have been their primary product for over 100 years. The Ohro wax earplugs protect your ears from harmful noises by forming an insulating seal in your ear. They are made from a soft, pliable hypoallergenic wax compound that fits easily inside the ear. These earplugs are meant to reduce noise over a large frequency spectrum while offering an excellent level of comfort.
Results Chart
Snoring Distance: 2-3 ft.Hearos Extreme ProtectionEtymotic HF5SleepPhones WirelessDecibullz Custom Molded Flare Audio Isolate PRO TitaniumOhro Reusable Wax Earplugs 45dB â 55dB (average snoring)Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through itSnoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through itMust play white noise to block out the snoring. Snoring is still noticeable.Snoring is still noticeable, but you can sleep through it Snoring is still bothersomeSnoring is still bothersome 55dB â 65dB (loud snoring)Snoring is still bothersome.Mutes Snoring sound.Must play loud white noise to block out the snoring. Snoring is bothersomeSnoring is still bothersome.Doesnât help.Doesnât help. 65dB+ (extreme snoring)Doesnât help.Snoring is still bothersomeDoesnât help.Doesnât help.Doesnât help.Doesnât help. ComfortPassFail. It has wiresPassPassFailPass NRR Rating (higher is better)GeneralN/AN/AGeneralN/AGeneral Price14 pair for $4.74[$$-102]102[$$-100]100[$$-26]26[$$-62]62[$$-12]12 Worth Buying?YesNoMaybeYesNoYes, only to use with other products NotesVery comfortable, but can fall out. This has the highest sound blocking available.Not recommended for use while sleeping.Comfortable but may fall off during sleep. Not effective by itself to prevent snoring.Very comfortable. Stays in while sleeping. Lower snore blocking rating than foam earplugs.$62 earplugs do not work any better than cheap foam earplugs. Uncomfortable.These are old school earplugs that have been around since 1907. Comfortable but greasy.
Further Testing
After testing them individually, we tried pairing products together to take snore blocking even further. Since the product with the highest snore blocking capabilities was the Hearos with a 33 NRR rating, we decided to use it in conjunction with other sleep-friendly products. The Hearos are cheap and comfortable, but if you donât like the feel of foam earplugs, the Decibullz molded earplugs are another choice. Ohroâs wax earplugs are also comfortable and wonât leave your ears sore in the morning. We analyzed the effectiveness of the following combinations:
SleepPhones w/Ambient Noise + Earplugs
Although this combination isnât the most comfortable, it completely blocks average snoring levels. However, you might notice snoring if itâs considerably loud. Buying the SleepPhones and Hearos Earplugs together will be a bit pricey, but they work better than the white noise machine or the app.
Sleep Earmuffs + Earplugs
The Sleep Earmuffs and Hearos earplug combo works best for non-snorers who donât like wearing earplugs. This pairing works well to block average snoring levels, but loud and extreme snoring noises may bleed through.
White Noise Mobile App + Earplugs
For these trials, we used the White Noise Free App for Android, the most popular background noise app in the Play Store. We tested the products with Ocean Waves and with Rainforest background sounds at a high volume. The only problem with these settings is the white noise could wake the snorer. Weâre assuming the snoring is about 4 ft away from the white noise sound, and the non-snorer is one foot away.
Marpac Dohm-DS All Natural Sound Machine + Earplugs
The Marpac Dohm is a dome-shaped white noise machine thatâs easy to use and promises to help drown out irritating noises. We placed the white noise machine about 1.5 ft away from the partner and set it to the highest volume possible. This was the best performing combination. When used together, these products provide a comfortable and effective solution to eliminating low-level snoring noises across the sound spectrum.
To successfully block snoring, place the classic Marpac white noise machine about 1 to 2 ft away from you on a nightstand and play it on highest volume that feels comfortable. Then, insert foam earplugs with a rating of NRR 31 or higher. This is the best solution we found for price, comfort, and success.
Combination Results
Parameters: Snoring Distance: 2-3 ft., White Noise Volume: High, White Noise Distance: 1-1.5 ft.White Noise Mobile App + Hearos Extreme EarPlugsSleepPhones w/Ambient Noise + Hearos Extreme Earplugs. Sleep Earmuffs + White Noise Marpac Dohm-DS All Natural Sound Machine + Hearos Extreme Earplugs. (winner) 45dB â 55dB (average snoring)Snoring is barely perceptible.Snoring cannot be heard.Snoring barely perceptible.Snoring cannot be heard. 55dB â 65dB (loud snoring)Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it. Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it.Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it.Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it. 65dB+Snoring is still bothersome.Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it.Snoring is still bothersome.Snoring is noticeable, but you can sleep through it. NotesWhite Noise must be loud to block out snoring, may wake up the snorerWorks better than a white noise machine or white noise mobile app. Price is high. SleepPhones may fall off. Not the most comfortable solution.This is for the user that donât like to wear earplugs. The Sleep earmuffs do very little to block out snoring by themselves. The Sleep Earmuffs are not comfortable for side sleeping.This is the best combination we found. The white noise machine, when placed close to the non-snorer does not disturb either sleeper. Very comfortable, cheap.
Other Possibilities
We didnât test Bluetooth wireless earbuds with white noise streaming from a mobile app. Theoretically, you could play white noise all night while using the earbudsâ noise cancellation technology. This could offer promising results, so please let us know if you try this. Wire-free earbuds prices tend to fall between $50 and $300.
Our Advice
Make sure to use a combination of items. These products wonât do much to block snoring noises on their own, but when paired with other devices, they can make snoring significantly less noticeable. You also donât want to sacrifice comfort for quietness. Products that block snoring noises arenât worth buying if you canât wear them to bed. Just use something that gets the snoring volume down to a level where you can sleep. Using 100% sound reduction products could cause you to miss a phone call, the fire alarm or other emergency sounds during the night. For sleepers who donât enjoy wearing earplugs for extended periods, keep the products on the nightstand and put them on if snoring occurs.
Summary
In conclusion, no single device completely reduces snoring sounds. Therefore, you may need to try a few products simultaneously to successfully block snoring. While you consider noise blocking products, have your partner try more anti-snoring devices. Results vary by person, so many individuals give up after only trying a few. Smart pillows may help, so be sure to try them as well. If your partner is having trouble finding a capable anti-snoring device, have them read our reviews on anti-snoring mouthpieces.
The post How to Block Snoring Forever appeared first on Snoring HQ.
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