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auroraphilealis · 8 years ago

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A Familiar Kind of Love Chapter 16

A Familiar Kind of Love

Genre: Chaptered, ace/aro (flux and other experiences including but not limited to queerplatonic relationships), self discovery, witches, slow burn, getting together (eventually and in a mixed romantic/platonic way), RP format

Warnings: inaccurate herbology/plant & medicine stuff, self-esteem issues & confused hierarchy systems between familiars & witches (that does get resolved), threatened non-con (later, warned in chapter, and non-explicit), explicit discussions of nudity/sexual content but no actual smut, light experiences of ace/aro discrimination & feelings of discomfort/dysphoria during self-discovery, swearing

Summary: Born in a world full of magic, Dan spends his days running an apothecary and curing the sick. Potions and antidotes are his only friends, and he lives a happy life of quiet solitude - until a familiar he never wanted takes it all away. Forced to make a decision that’s life or death for one of them, Dan and Phil have to learn to co-exist together, entering a journey of self-discovery… and a familiar kind of love. Ace/Aro

Word Count: 11,161 this chapter

Thank you to @vanillasolitude who we could not have done this without. Every inch of their commentary and editing was a huge confidence boost, and we can not thank Emily enough for even being willing to do this with us. Seriously, it was a mammoth task and Emily just completely rose to the occasion, so giant thanks from us!

Updates: Monday & Wednesday & Friday

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For reference, @insanityplaysfics is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(Previous) (Masterlist) (AO3)

In case any of you were wondering why you got an update on Sunday this week rather on Monday,, ineverhadmyinternetphase and I have been experiencing extreme bouts of “brain fog” recently (I just typed gof, if that’s not brain fog I don’t know what is), which essentially just means that we’re having difficulties with our memory and thinking straight (here’s another post about it if you’re curious). Also, by a happy accident, we’ve officially finished editing and writing the rest of this story!!! So updates have increased to three days a week, which is why - surprise update on wednesday! Thank you to every single one of you who supports us as these chapters go up, and we sincerely hope that you enjoy what’s to come <3

Chapter Sixteen

The first place Phil went was down into Dan's shop. It was early, but Phil could hear the sound of someone moving around, and it became quickly clear to him that PJ was already there. Phil perked up at that, just a bit, and made his way through the shop until he came upon PJ, who was humming and rummaging around with the cash drawer, getting ready to start the day. Not wanting to terrify the poor man, Phil jumped up on the front counter and made a small yipping noise.

PJ still jumped, turning to Phil with wide, surprised eyes that quickly relaxed when he took in the sight of Phil.

"You're Phil, right?"

Phil nodded. "Hello, PJ. It's nice to meet you again," he greeted, wishing his voice didn't sound so solemn. PJ frowned at him, but didn't pry, standing up straight and making his way over to Phil. His hand hovered for a second, like he wanted to reach out and touch, but seemed to think better of it at the last minute.

Phil was relieved. He didn't want anyone but Dan touching him, especially not right now, when everything felt turned on its head.

"Are you okay?" PJ asked instead.

Shrugging small shoulders that suddenly felt too small, Phil nodded slowly. "For your purposes, yes," Phil said. "Dan should be down later. I was wondering where Mara was?" Phil asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice. "I mean. If you don't mind telling me. I'd like to spend some time with someone I know, if that's okay."

PJ smiled down at Phil, and nodded. "It's no problem. I'm sure she'd love to see you. She hasn't stopped asking after you. She's not been well enough to come to work with me recently, so she's at home, but here. I'll give you the address and you can meet her there."

For some reason, having Phil gone didn't make Dan feel any better.

He'd thought that, once Phil was gone and he had his space back, Dan's head would start to calm down and he'd be able to realise what it was that had sparked this wave of repulsion. But if anything, the opposite was true. Having Phil gone left Dan feeling hollow and empty, like he'd lost something that he never even realised he was missing. There was an ache deep within his bones, pulsing through his veins, and he missed the companionship more than anything.

But it didn't make sense. Dan had freaked out about having someone in his life, and then he'd seen the good bits and was just starting to get used to it, only to then go and freak out again. It didn't make sense. Dan didn't even understand it - how could he expect Phil to try and understand?

Dan sank slowly down onto the sofa, feeling the small buzz of the bond that had been so open recently recede to the back of his skull. It left a tug of loneliness settling in Dan's mind, and he screwed his face up and tucked his knees into his chest, hiding his face in his arms. How had he ruined this? Things were going so well.

In an attempt to understand himself, Dan thought back, trying to pinpoint the exact moment something had shifted. He'd been happy last night, he knew he'd craved being in Phil's arms, but… it was like that had happened to a different person. Dan could remember the good feelings, but he couldn't feel them anymore. Not right now. Right now, the thought of being in Phil's lap sent prickles of revulsion across his skin.

Dan swallowed. He'd been fine. He didn't understand this at all, even though he'd felt this way before. When Phil first turned up, Dan had never craved the kind of contact that involved cuddling someone else. Honestly, he'd never even considered it. And the first few times Phil had tried it, Dan had pushed him away. Until something shifted, and then he'd found himself wanting to be close just as much as Phil wanted to be close to him.

Only... this morning, waking up in Phil's arms had sent horrible panic twisting in Dan's gut, like he couldn't breathe, like he was trapped. But that wasn't how he'd felt last night. And Phil didn't want to trap him, he always offered Dan a way out.

And Dan hadn't taken it, and he'd freaked out anyway, and now he'd ruined everything.

Dan groaned louder, curling himself up into a ball and trying to push away his thoughts. He wished he could just turn his brain off, because he had a feeling over thinking this was only going to make matters worse.

Phil was able to make his way to PJ's flat quite easily after PJ gave him his address, magicking himself about until he was in the right place and he could walk straight through the door, body like mist for a moment as he did so. Upon entering, he sent out a vague greeting in his mind for the raven he knew would be about somewhere, and pranced through the nice looking flat. He felt safer here than he did at home right now, and it made him perk up, his tail flicking out happily, though his ears were still wilting.

Phil!? an excited voice murmured, echoing through Phil's skull in a different way than it did when Dan talked to him. The sound didn't come from the bond, but through another portion of Phil's mind. It was the only way that familiars could communicate to each other in their own world, and it was a habit to do the same thing in this one. Phil smiled, looking up as he made his way through the apartment.

Mara! Phil greeted back, tail flicking. Where are you? I was hoping we could hang out? he asked, praying he wasn't pushing any boundaries.

Suddenly, a light flapping sound caught Phil's attention, and he followed it into a small room with a very large bird cage. There was no door on it, but it was like a mini home for the raven that Phil could currently see resting inside of it, huddled up in her own wings. Her glowing eyes peered happily at Phil though, and she fluttered her wings again to reassure him that she was okay.

Hey, he greeted. What's happened? he asked. Are you okay?

I'm fine. I was too close to you when your magic went off and you restored the city, so my wings got a little singed, and it's been difficult to fly. I don't like being in my human form away from PJ though, so I decided to just stay home, she explained, fluttering her wings a bit.

Phil’s expression fell, and guilt filled him before he could stop it. He wilted a bit, and was just about to apologise when the raven made a loud squawking noise.

Don’t you dare apologise, Phil! It wasn’t your fault, and I’m fine, she insisted, glaring at Phil with beady eyes. Phil wilted even more, and shook his head, because it wasn’t that easy. Mara seemed to understand that, as she fluttered her wings again before swiftly changing the subject.

But enough about me. How are you? What’s happened? I can tell that something’s wrong.

The reminder of why Phil was here in the first place hit him again, then, and he sighed as he sat down on Mara’s carpet just under her cage, rolling onto his side and staring up at her with sad eyes.

He wasn’t even sure where to begin, and he hadn’t intended to talk about his problems with his bird friend, but now here they were, and Phil couldn't help himself - so he started to talk.

He didn’t go into very much detail. It felt inappropriate and a little bit terrifying to talk about the way that Dan and Phil had settled into their relationship over the course of the last few months - really, about two weeks, if you only counted the time where they were actually working on building a kind of relationship together, and not just… Dan getting angry at Phil for fucking up every time he tried to come and visit in those first few months.

Phil didn’t know enough about how he was feeling to explain properly anyway, and everything that he’d known in the familiar world was nothing like what he was experiencing here. Afraid that Mara would tell him he was doing things wrong, Phil glossed over those strange differences, explaining to her instead how he and Dan were struggling to find their place in each other’s lives, and how everything had seemed to be going fine right up until that morning, when Dan had jerked away from Phil and acted as though Phil had done something wrong.

The longer Phil spoke, though, the more Mara seemed to grow uncomfortable, as if she didn’t like where the conversation was going, as if it hit too close to home for her or something. Phil watched the subtle changes in her demeanour, the way she seemed to shut down rather than give Phil advice, and felt his heart ache a little for her. Phil suddenly wondered if being in the human world with her witch had been just as a much a struggle for her as it had been for Phil, if the familiar world had actually failed to teach any of them anything right.

Too afraid to push, or go into more detail, or ask Mara about her own experiences, Phil merely trailed off instead, shifting and staring sadly at his paws, because even his friend couldn’t seem to help him.

He didn’t know what she’d been through, but it still kind of hurt to see her clamming up on him for no apparent reason, just as Dan had done to him that morning.

Was Phil just destined to fail at any and all relationships he attempted to form? He didn’t know.

I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong, Mara. I just... want him to be happy, Phil finished, trailing off completely then.

Mara hummed sympathetically, and ruffled her wings, finally uncurling herself a little and appearing more alert, more understanding. Maybe he's just not ready for all that you want, she suggested. Try and take it slow? she asked, unsure herself, and walking along her perch carefully, as if she were pacing.

Phil could see her mind whirling, could see that she had struggled with something similar, and hope blossomed in him. Her and PJ’s relationship appeared strong. If she’d gotten through it, surely Dan and Phil could too?

So he brightened up and grinned at his friend, finally sitting back up and staring happily at her.

You’re right, he agreed, I just need to calm down. We both probably need some time apart right now, it’ll be fine. Did you want to do something? he asked, hoping his friend wasn’t planning on kicking him out.

Of course! Mara piped up immediately, grinning. I think we need to get your mind off of things. Familiars need friends too, you know, she said, and insisted on Phil helping her get the TV on so they could watch something together and Mara could help explain some of the human things she'd learned since finding PJ.

The day absolutely inched past for Dan.

For the first few hours without Phil, Dan tried to distract himself. He knew there were activities he could do on his own in the flat - after all, he'd lived alone all his adult life, and he liked it that way. He'd never really felt lonely before, and he'd certainly never pined after a specific person. Dan had always been okay on his own.

So why was it suddenly so difficult?

Dan started off by picking up his favourite book series, the one he'd been going to lend Phil that was still sitting on the coffee table. It didn't matter how often he tried to lose himself in the familiar story, though, because all Dan could think about was what Phil would think of this story when he read it (if he ever even did), or whether Phil's favourite characters would line up with Dan's, or if he would laugh and cry at all the same points that Dan always did.

He gave up after half an hour, frustrated. The book landed back on the coffee table, and Dan went to his desk and pulled out his notebook. If nothing else, he could at least try to be productive in his own time, and there were some equations he'd been neglecting. Only then, sitting down and working made him think of when Phil sat with him and helped him figure out his missing pieces, and then he remembered how that had led to his near-rejection of Phil, and that was not a happy thought.

No. Dan needed a proper distraction.

He went down to the shop after a while, deciding that maybe his usual routine would help him settle in. PJ sent him a worried look, but Dan dodged him, busying himself with customers before PJ could come over. The rhythm of work was an easy one to fall back into, and Dan spent several hours tending to burns and bruises, cuts and scrapes, whipping up his magic where necessary and sorting through their stock of ready-made potions and recipes to sell.

Every few minutes, though, Dan would find himself turning around to ask Phil for his opinion on a recipe, or what he thought would be the best cure for this person's burned arm, only to remember that Phil wasn't there. Even their bond had reduced to a near-silent hum.

Every time he remembered his lack of Phil, Dan's focus would slip. He dropped four test tubes, three glass containers, and seven urns, all in the space of three hours. As he cursed the spillage of a brand new potion, Dan announced he was headed to his greenhouse, only for PJ to intervene with a firm grip to Dan's arm.

"You are going upstairs," PJ ordered.

Dan glared at him. "I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not," PJ snorted, "And I'm not letting you go near any potentially poisonous plants right now."

Belatedly, Dan realised PJ was probably right. He allowed himself to be tugged towards his stairs, though he glared with every step.

At the bottom of the stairs, PJ faced Dan with a stern look. "I don't know what's happened between you and Phil, but you need to sort it out."

Dan's eyes widened. "How did you--"

"He came through here earlier. Went to talk to Mara." PJ sent Dan a hard stare. "Don't screw this up, Dan. Please. I care about you, alright?"

Dan swallowed passed a sudden lump in his throat. He nodded once, roughly, and then turned and disappeared back up the stairs before PJ could say anything else damaging. Phil had to come back at some point, right? Dan would be ready for him. He had to make sure he was prepared to fix this mess, and do whatever it took to make Phil happy again. That was all that Phil deserved.

Phil learned a lot from Mara, who sat up high on her perch in her birdcage while Phil lounged around on the bed in the middle of the room he was certain PJ was usually in. It smelled mostly like him, but also a little like Mara, and Phil settled in at the very edge in a content little ball of fur. He even managed to purr, happy to have the sound back in his vocabulary. His tail beat against the bed, and he laughed at some of the stranger things that occurred in Mara's favorite TV shows. He was more than a little put out by some of the more intense scenes, but Mara didn't seem to notice, cawing in glee when her favourite characters got together.

Overall, Phil enjoyed his time with Mara, enjoyed learning and seeing and discovering new terms for things that Dan had yet to have the chance to teach him about. He thought he was in fact doing well enough that he might surprise Dan with his new knowledge, and felt hope swelling in his chest at the chance to go home and see how Dan was doing now. He was hoping that the space they'd had apart from each other for the day might have helped Dan to feel more secure or open to talking again, and if he didn't, Phil hoped that he at least would want to cuddle and spend some time together again. For as much as Phil enjoyed Mara's company, and had missed her in the years she'd been gone from him, he missed Dan more.

He could feel the ache for Dan like a phantom limb, and he buried his face in his paws each time he tried to turn and ask Dan about the strange things occurring on TV now. Instead, he had to turn to Mara to ask the question, constantly reminded that he was fighting with Dan and that he'd have to wait until things were better to have this back with his preferred friend. It was good to catch up with Mara, though, and Phil didn’t regret it in the least.

You must come see me more often, Phil. Once my wings are better, I'd even be happy to come visit you, she said, seeming excited about it. I do hope things work out with Dan. He's always been a strange man, she said, cawing and sounding a little affronted by him. Phil wasn't surprised. Dan didn't seem to like Mara much either.

After promising to come back soon, Phil finally popped back home, landing out in the greenhouse in his search for Dan. A little scared to be in there as a cat, Phil concentrated until he'd turned human once more, and then began to look around. When he didn't find Dan after two rounds, he headed into Dan's shop, surprised to see PJ looking a little harassed and annoyed, casting glances upstairs as if he was worried for Dan. When he caught sight of Phil again, he nodded him upstairs, and Phil did as he was instructed to go to his witch.

He ached for Dan.

Still a little bit scared, Phil knocked on the door rather than just walking right in.

Dan spent the afternoon lounging in his flat, forbidden from going back to work with PJ, but unable to enjoy his rare time off. Everything he did tasted like ash. No book could hold his attention for long, and no potion could even lift him out of his thoughts, so in the end Dan simply flicked on the TV for background noise and thought.

If Phil didn’t come back by tonight, Dan decided to head over to PJ's house to fetch him. He couldn't bear the thought of spending a night alone in his flat, not when already the space felt too large without Phil in it.

But...at the same time, Dan couldn't imagine Phil cuddled up to him in bed, either. Every time he remembered it, his chest tightened until it was hard to breathe, but it felt nothing like the good nervous excitement he was supposed to feel.

No. It felt restricting, and terrifying, and made Dan want to run.

He hadn't felt like this yesterday. Dan was sure of it. Yesterday, he'd wanted to hold Phil, to have him close, and he'd truly meant it when he asked Phil to share the bed with him that night. Only… something had changed between then and this morning, and Phil was the one suffering for it.

Dan had to apologise, he knew, and he had to make Phil see that this wasn't his fault at all. If Phil would even talk to him. Dan groaned, running a palm over his face as he tried and failed to lose himself in the TV.

When the knock at the door sounded, Dan jolted instantly upright. Every fibre of his being lit up in the hope that this would be Phil, but he tried to clamp that down. This could just as easily be PJ come to check on him.

Dan made his way to the door in a hurried flurry, almost tripping over the coffee table when he stood up too quickly, and wrenched the door open. Phil was standing outside. Actual, human Phil, in his human body, not the cat form he'd taken earlier.

Dan blinked, his surprise showing through without him meaning it to. He'd been expecting Phil as a cat, pictured stroking his fur as he tried to explain what was going on in his head. But if Phil had human arms that could hold him back… that sent fear swooping in his stomach again.

Still, Dan stepped aside quickly, gesturing for Phil to come in as he said, "Phil! I'm so glad you're home." And it was true, even if Dan's hands were trembling with nerves. Even being back in the same room was helping to calm the dull ache that had accompanied him all day.

When Dan answered the door, Phil could see the surprise on his face, the fear flashing in his eyes, and suddenly it was like that morning all over again - false cheer, and Dan trying too hard to avoid hurting Phil's feelings. Phil suddenly wished he was a cat again, but in his nervousness and fear of Dan, he was too terrified to be intimate by changing forms in front of Dan, the way he'd hadn't cared about doing so beforehand.

Swallowing roughly, Phil carefully made his way inside Dan's home - he couldn't even think of it as his own just then.

Mouth set in a hard frown, Phil miserably made his way to the sofa, and sat down gingerly on the very end.

"Uhm, yeah. I'm home," he agreed lightly, head bowed and long fringe covering his eyes. He could feel Dan settling down at the other end of the sofa, and tried not to let that hurt.

The bond felt wide open between them again. Phil could feel Dan's anxiety and nervousness, ached to reach over and tug Dan into a hug to reassure him. Instead, he turned to glance at Dan, and this time really did whimper, his heart breaking at the way Dan seemed to be flinching away from Phil. In a desperate attempt to make things alright again, Phil reached over and pressed his palm over Dan's hand only for Dan to flinch so violently, he practically slapped Phil.

Phil shot up in an instant, then, making a small, petrified mewling sound before he was rushing off in an attempt to find a safe corner of the room to hide in. He rushed backwards, gaze half on Dan, half behind him as he tried to get away, terrified that he was going to do something wrong again and Dan might hurt him. His back collided with a wall, and Phil sunk down, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face there.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he cried.

It was heartbreaking, utterly heartbreaking, to see Phil backing away from Dan like that, so desperate to get away. Dan floundered, confused and horrified that he'd made Phil feel like that. He'd made Phil afraid of him, because that's all that was pulsing through their bond right now - fear and pain, fear that Dan was going to hurt him.

"No, no, no," Dan cried desperately, torn apart from the terrified whining sound that Phil had made. "No, I won't hurt you, Phil, I promised never again! Sh, sh, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Dan put his hands up quickly, and crouched down so he was level with where Phil had curled up in a corner, though he left plenty of space between them.

Phil had only been trying to fix things, but Dan couldn't bear to be touched just then. His skin was still crawling, but it wasn't Phil's fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. It just… was.

"Phil, please, listen to me," Dan begged, his throat catching, and he kept his eyes trained on Phil even though his heart broke at the fear and pain written there. "Phil, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just - I want you around, I want you near me, just… not like that." His nose wrinkled, and he squeezed his eyes closed, trying desperately to explain. "I wanted it last night, but today I just… I don't know why, but I can't. I can't make myself want to hold you again and I don't know why. You didn't do anything. I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me," he finished miserably, and opened his eyes to meet Phil's gaze again.

Dan's voice was desperate as he moved to try and comfort Phil, crouching down at Phil's level a few feet away from him. Terrified as he was, Phil whimpered and drew his feet, his legs, closer to his body, hiding away in the dark cavern his knees and arms had created. "You don't want me anymore," he whined, practically begging for Dan to say Phil was wrong.

He couldn't even care about the fact that Dan had practically hit him, nor could he consider the fact that he was terrified Dan might do it again in a fit of rage. He was too busy drowning in the terror that Dan already regretted having accepted Phil into his life. He was half planning a trip far, far away, left wandering alone until he merely fizzled out of existence the way the wrong familiar might do when he bonded on the wrong witch, and half begging Dan to tell him everything was okay, all while Dan continued speaking, his voice low and frantic and desperate.

Slowly, Phil lifted his head, peering out at Dan from the top of his arms. His witch sounded like he was about to cry, like he was in just as much confused pain as Phil was, and like it was breaking his heart to be hurting Phil at all. Phil's mouth quivered, and he felt it as the tears spilled down his cheeks, but he didn't know what to say. How could someone just... not want something anymore when they'd wanted it less than eight hours before? Phil didn't understand, but he ached to, and he was clinging to Dan's promise that none of this was Phil's fault. He choked on a small whine, a small sob, and nearly got up to climb into Dan's arms, but Dan flinched away again, and Phil sagged back into the wall, closing his eyes against his own pain.

"I just - I just want you to hold me," Phil begged, even as he knew it wasn't fair. He flinched away from Dan as he moved closer this time, and shook his head. "Don't touch me," he said, and closed his eyes again. "I don't - I don't want you upset. Please. I'm sorry. I don't want to be selfish, I just - it hurts and I don't - I don't understand."

There was a strange mix of relief and rejection when Phil flinched away from Dan's attempt to comfort him, which Dan knew was entirely unfair on his part. He was the one freaking out about this, and Phil was just doing his best to accommodate Dan, even when Dan had been so horrible and rude to him right from the start of the day. But he didn't mean to. Dan had been trying to pretend he was okay for Phil's sake, so that he could just wait this weirdness out and hope he got back to liking cuddles again, but Phil had seen right through him.

"I'm sorry," Dan tried, his voice breaking again. He sat miserably on the floor, still too far away from Phil, and sniffed. It was weird, because he missed holding Phil, wished more than anything to reach out and hold him, but his skin crawled again at the thought, and Dan screwed his face up, feeling tears threatening to spill. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he get anything right with Phil?

"I want you, Phil, of course I do," Dan tried again to explain, his head a confused welter of emotion. "I've been pining after you all day. I want you here, so much, of course I do, Phil, I love you." He bit his lip quickly, but the words escaped anyway. He hadn't meant to first say those words in a situation like this, but he was so full with the emotion and with no other way to express it that the words had just slipped out.

"I love you," he said again, quietly, staring down at the floor. "I do. It's just… sometimes I want to show it by hugging you and holding you, like yesterday. But then… then there are times like this when I… just don't. I still feel exactly the same about you, it's just like… like I can't express it that way anymore." Dan sniffed loudly and drew in a shaky breath.

"Why can't I do it? I never, ever want to hurt you, and this is hurting you, why can't I just… fix it? I don't understand," he confessed, still staring at the floor.

Dan loved him. Dan loved him.

Phil's eyes went wide, and despite the tears rolling down his cheeks, he found himself beginning to smile a little, staring at Dan with a newfound hope and respect. Phil had known that Dan loved him, of course he had - he could feel it. But it was an entirely different thing to have Dan say it aloud for the first time, and it was making Phil's stomach do those little flippy things, and it was the best feeling in the world. He wished he could reach out and touch Dan, pull him in and pepper his face in happy kisses, but he knew he couldn't. Not now.

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Dan had been pining after him, but he could feel it, now that his own emotions weren’t so out of control and all over the place anymore. He could feel Dan's despair, and how he'd been waiting for Phil to come home all day. Some of the moroseness in Phil left him, then, and he just watched Dan while he tried to take in his words.

The last thing Phil had wanted to do was cause Dan to fall apart himself, hating himself for something it seemed he couldn't quite control. Frowning again, Phil uncurled his body, but didn't approach Dan. "I love you, too," he whispered. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to help, but he was shoving the part of him that ached to be held to the back of his mind so he could be there for Dan instead. "I'm sorry. Please - please don't cry," he begged. He could see Dan wiping at his eyes, sniffling as he avoiding Phil's gaze, and he just... didn't want that for Dan.

"It's okay, Dan, it's not - it's not your fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out," Phil begged, biting his lips nervously again as Dan looked back up at him. "If this is a thing for you, that's okay," he insisted, despite having just made Dan feel as if it was not. "I just - I just need to... understand you, that's all," he added. "I can... I can be okay with that if I understand. I just - I just... I thought you were regretting me," he insisted, and found himself crying all over again.

Dan took in a deep, shuddering breath, relief swarming over him. Hearing Phil say that he loved Dan, too, was enough to calm him down a bit, even as he still swam through a confused mess of emotion. He had no idea how they were going to resolve this, but - but at least Phil was still here? That had to mean something. He hadn't walked out on Dan, despite the mess that Dan's life honestly was.

At Phil's last words, Dan's head shot up and he grasped for Phil's hand, holding it carefully without tugging him closer. "I don't regret you," Dan promised instantly, his voice firm despite the crackle of his crying. "Phil, I would never regret you. This is nothing you've done, you hear me? You're amazing, you've been amazing." He rubbed his thumb against Phil's palm, gently, knowing this was a soft enough touch, distant enough not to spark off the panic in his chest again.

If Phil wanted to understand, then… then maybe Dan could try to explain it. He settled cross-legged on the floor and let out a sigh, still holding tight to Phil's hand. "Honestly, I… I don't really get it myself. Sometimes I think about hugging you, or holding you, or having your arms around me, and it's all I want. I was like that yesterday. I meant every single thing I said, Phil, you have to believe that," Dan implored, looking at him with wide eyes.

He bit his lip, glancing down at the floor again. "It's… hard to explain. I don't know why, I just know that sometimes… sometimes being that close to someone, it makes me feel trapped. Panicked. I panic, like I did this morning, but it isn't your fault. I think I've always been this way. Like, when you first showed up? When you were a cat?" Dan bit his lip. "Sometimes I would have you in my lap, and it was great. But sometimes I kept my distance. I thought it was just because I wasn't ready, but… but I think maybe I just go through phases?" Dan shrugged unhappily. "I don't know why. I don't know how to fix it, Phil. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I want to be a good witch for you. I… I care about you, Phil."

Phil was so, so careful. When Dan reached out and grabbed his hand, he didn't react - he didn't flinch, or ask for more, or even hold Dan back. He just... let Dan take what he needed to take, terrified he was going to do something wrong and Dan might react physically violently again. Phil knew Dan wasn't a violent person. He could see all of his soul if he wanted too, had seen all of his soul on one occasion, and knew beyond a doubt that Dan would hate himself for hurting Phil anymore than he already had. Thinking clearly now, he knew that Dan would never hurt him, but he also understood that whatever was going on, it was making Dan react in ways he wouldn't normally.

It felt nice to have Dan stroking his fingers over Phil's hand, though, and he enjoyed the touch enough that he was able to keep completely still, just watching the way Dan tried to reassure him and promise him that he'd meant all he'd said last night, when Phil had thought everything was going to be okay. It still was, he was determined for it to be okay, and he was going to fix this if it was the last thing he did.

"I believe you," Phil promised Dan, reassuring and comforting as best as he could.

It was a lot to take in, Dan's explanation, but Phil was doing his damn best, trying to wrap his head around the idea that sometimes, being close to Phil made Dan unhappy, uncomfortable, and other times, it made him feel good. Phil knew what Dan was getting at. He'd felt the good, happy, warm feeling that had filled Dan when Phil touched him, knew that Dan wasn't lying and that yesterday he had been okay with Phil touching him, and then he remembered the fear and panic from this morning, and finally, it clicked. Phil really hadn't done anything wrong. Dan just... Dan just needed space sometimes. Phil could give him space.

His eyes went wide as Dan said he wanted to be a good witch for Phil, and he felt his heart break, fingers twitching in Dan's palm.

"You are a good witch," Phil murmured. "Dan," he urged, trying to make him look up at Phil. "Dan, you are a good witch. You are everything to me, you've given me everything. You're allowed to have needs, too. Our needs aren't always going to add up. That's okay," he stressed, thinking back to what Mara had said that afternoon, before Phil had left, about how sometimes, both the familiar and the witch needed time apart, or didn't crave the same things. Unlike how Phil had grown up, he was learning that his needs mattered too, and that it took more than just his witch to give him everything.

People's emotions, Phil's included, weren't always peachy. Things wouldn’t always be good.

"You're a good witch regardless of if you hurt me sometimes. We're going to hurt each other sometimes. But this? This is okay. It doesn't hurt so much now that I understand it's not me." Phil bit his lip, wishing he could go to Dan, but holding himself back despite how much he wanted a hug. He could have a hug when it wouldn't lead to Dan feeling pressured and trapped.

"Why - why don't I feel like that?" Phil asked. "I'm meant to be just like you. I... maybe I'll understand when it happens to me?" he asked, considering. For a moment, he wondered if it ever would, and then, as if something had clicked inside of him, he realized that it would. If it happened to Dan with no rhyme or reason, then he was sure it would happen to him that way as well. There was no doubt in Phil’s mind that there would come a time when he would understand exactly how Dan was feeling, because Phil had always experienced things just the same way as Dan did.

Dan looked like he was about open his mouth, frowning like he was about to disagree, so Phil cut him off before he could. "It’s gonna happen to me, Dan. I know it will. I was made from you. I was made to fit you perfectly. If there are times when you don't want to be touched... surely there will be times when I don't want that either. Let's just... take it one day at a time, one problem at a time. How can I be there for you when you feel like this?"

Dan had never been more grateful for Phil than when he simply sat still, not pushing anything onto Dan no matter that Dan could feel through the bond how much Phil wanted to move towards him, to seek physical reassurance that Dan couldn't give him right now without panicking. He'd never been more grateful, because Phil was letting Dan take his time and take things at his pace, and Dan's heart burst with affection for him then.

He listened as Phil explained, and thought he understood. Witches and familiars were literally made for each other, made from each other. Their personalities were designed to match up, so if Dan felt like this… then Phil must feel like it too - at some point. Dan vowed that if should that happen, he'd make a point to be understanding, just like Phil was being with him. Phil still thought he was a good witch, even despite everything that had happened, despite everything he'd done. Dan could still be enough, even like this. That was… incredible, honestly.

"I still want to be with you, even like this," Dan confessed quietly. "And I want you to be happy and comfortable. I never want to hurt you, Phil, not ever. I know you said you believed me and that's really important, but you have to tell me if I do something that hurts you." The memory of Phil flinching away in fear still stung like a fresh wound, and Dan was determined never to let that happen again.

Phil hadn't realised just how much he needed to hear that Dan still wanted to be with him, still wanted to have him around, even when he couldn't bear to be touched, until he'd said the words, sending heat and happiness in equal measure through Phil. Phil's lips quirked happily again, and he felt his heart soar as he looked at Dan.

"I promise," Phil said. "I promise to always tell you when you hurt me. But it's not always going to be your fault. We're both... human. We'll make mistakes," Phil tried to explain. He didn't want Dan to carry around all this guilt and pressure to never do anything wrong when it was normal for both of them to do things that might upset the other. It was a part of life, and it didn't matter so much if they worked together to make it better. "As long as we always make it right, it's okay to get angry or to possibly hurt each other, Dan," he explained.

Dan bit his lip, tempted to argue, but he knew that Phil was right. It was natural for people to hurt each other by accident, and sometimes they would have fights and disagreements and it would take time to sort them out. As long as they were honest with each other, though, Dan thought they could work everything out. Dan had to stop panicking about these things and start talking to Phil. Phil would listen, after all.

Eventually, Dan sat back, and he glanced around, still keeping Phil's hand in his. "Let's just - we could sit on the couch? Tell me about your day. I want to know how you are - PJ said you went to see the raven?" Dan tried to ignore the small flare of jealousy that thought made rise in him, instead getting to his feet with a gentle tug on Phil's hand, leading him carefully to the sofa. "And you figured out how to become a cat? How did you do that?"

Eventually, Dan was leading Phil up and over to the couch, settling them both down carefully, and asking so many questions about Phil's day that Phil was finally beginning to understand just how much Dan had not liked Phil being so far away. It made him smile, and laugh, unable to help enjoying the fact that Dan didn't like not knowing every part of Phil's day.

"I went to visit Mara, yes. She... she helped me to understand that things aren't as they taught as back home,” he explained, though she hadn’t said as much. Her reactions to Phil’s problems had shown him that she was encountering the same misunderstandings though, which had been reassuring. “She helped me understand that a familiar’s life with their witch is all about compromise, as well, and she told me to just give you some time,” he said.

“We watched some movies and TV shows that taught me about human culture. It was fun,” he added, wanting to say it wasn’t as fun as it would have been with Dan, but not wanting Dan to feel pressured or anything like that. Phil would always be willing to give Dan space.

“Mara’s wings got burnt from our magic, so that’s why she hasn’t been around much lately. She was too close to our magic when we fixed everything, and she can't fly well right now, so she's been staying at home. I think she misses PJ when he's gone," Phil said. "I missed you, too," he added, so Dan wouldn't think that Phil didn’t feel exactly the same. "I thought of you all day. I just... wanted to give you space."

He perked up again as Dan mentioned how Phil had figured out how to go back and forth between his forms, and nodded his head eagerly. "I just did what you said. I pictured myself as a cat, and I just - let my magic work by instinct. Like a muscle being stretched," he said, giggling. "Thank you for teaching me how to become myself again. I missed it,"

Dan settled himself into the sofa, listening as Phil started talking about his day. He was glad Phil had enjoyed himself, despite the slight modicum of jealousy that Dan might feel. He could have watched TV with Phil and taught him about human culture, too. Still, at least Phil had missed him. Dan was a bad person, but that made him feel a little better. He needed to stop being so possessive of Phil, even if part of him wanted to keep Phil all to himself forever. Dan just… liked Phil's company, that was all.

"Sounds like you had a good day, though I admit, I missed you too," Dan answered with a soft smile. He'd kept his hand linked in Phil's, but that was the only part of them touching on the sofa, and Dan finally felt like he could breathe again. There was nothing trapping him. Phil wasn't going to push him. It was… alright that he felt like this, miraculously.

He turned to Phil, pricking up with interest when he mentioned that Dan's idea for turning back into a cat had worked. He gave Phil's hand a squeeze. "That's great! It was nice to see your fur again. You're so much softer in that form." Dan's lip twitched, and he surveyed Phil, noting the tear stains on his cheeks. Dan grimaced. He hadn't meant to do that, so, carefully, he reached up with his free hand and thumbed them away.

"You can be a cat if you're more comfortable," Dan said softly, retracting his hand again. "I don't… I don't want to stop you. I just want you happy. However that will be. And it's brilliant if you can switch forms whenever you want now."

Phil was biting his lips as Dan reached up to stroke the tear stains from his cheeks away, the pad of his thumb soft and comforting against Phil's skin. He stayed completely still, however, not wanting to frighten Dan no matter how badly he wanted to lean into the touch. His eyes slipped closed, though, just soaking in the comfort of that touch, soaking in the reassurance that Dan still loved him.

Dan still loved him. Phil would be okay. They could get through days like this. Phil would never pressure Dan for anything more than he could give him. Besides, Dan had already agreed to Phil's limitations - he still shuddered at the mental image of people touching like that. He didn't like it, felt more than just a little repulsed by it, and while he knew that Dan agreed, was relieved that Dan had never fought to push him for more. Phil would never push Dan, either.

"I don't know how I'm more comfortable," Phil admitted softly. "But I think, right now... I'd be happier as a cat," he agreed, blushing a little as he considered the change. "I uhm. I don't know what it will look like to you when - but uhm. Is it okay if I change here?" he asked. He'd spent enough time away from Dan, he didn't really want to leave now. "I'm happy in both forms, now that I'm accustomed to this one, but... I think right now, I'd feel safer as a cat."

Dan looked up, his eyes narrowing a bit. What exactly did Phil mean by not knowing how he would look while changing? Dan frowned, mulling that over, until his eyes popped wide. Of course. Phil had been naked the first time he became human, maybe his clothes would just disappear when he was transforming again? Dan swallowed. He didn't want to make Phil uncomfortable, but Phil was asking to change here.

"Of course you can," Dan agreed quickly, flashing Phil a quick look. "I can - I can turn around if you're worried about that." He hoped Phil knew that Dan would never look if Phil didn't want him to, besides the fact that Dan didn't really have any desire to look. He wanted Phil near, though, and was pleased that Phil didn't want to leave him alone either.

"It might be easier when you're a cat for me, too," Dan confessed quietly, hoping he wouldn't offend Phil. But if Phil wanted to be a cat - well, it might be more natural for the both of them. After all, touching a cat didn't carry all the weird connotations that touching another human did, and Dan thought his sudden onset of revulsion might not carry across to an animal form. Besides, he'd kind of missed Phil's purring.

The second Dan reassured Phil that he could change in front of Dan, without having to leave the room, he was relaxing. It made it all the better to hear that Dan wanted to turn around, that he was willing to do so in order to give Phil that bit of privacy he needed, wanted, craved while also not forcing Phil to leave Dan's side. He really truly didn't know what it would look like when he changed, if he'd be naked in front of Dan, or worse, if his soul would be exposed in a visible and much more intimate way than when Dan felt it through the bond, and he was grateful to know that Dan was not going to push that.

"Thank you," he murmured, blushing. "I - I would appreciate it if you turned around," Phil agreed, wondering if Dan knew exactly what Phil was afraid would be exposed should Dan watch his magic work through his body. Dan nodded easily, though, and turned his back on Phil, waiting patiently with his hands in his lap. Phil inhaled deeply, but didn't have a second to change before Dan was speaking again.

His lips quirked on the admission, and he ached to reach out and touch Dan's shoulder in reassurance, but he didn't. "I know. I thought... I thought it might be good for both of us. I thought... you might prefer me as a cat right now," he whispered, and then he was closing his eyes and concentrating. He could feel it as the magic crawled over him again, felt it as the change began, and winced a little at the feeling of his magic being stretched so suddenly again. Clearly, changing twice in less than an hour was not the best option for future reference then, but it wasn't unbearable as his body contorted and shrunk until he was opening his eyes as a cat once again. He stood up with a quiet meow to alert Dan it was safe now, and shook himself, fur puffing up. Phil lifted his paw to lick at it and smooth over his ear, and felt a rush of happiness that he could do that again.

"Oh, this is nice," he admitted, actually feeling happy rather than upset and able to enjoy his feline form fully this time.

Dan's lips twitched at the idea of Phil changing partly to make Dan happy. He knew Phil enjoyed being a cat, too, or Dan would be complaining that Phil didn't always need to be changing himself just to suit Dan's needs. Still, if both their desires added up at the moment, then Dan wasn't going to complain.

He obediently kept his back turned, even though he was tempted to turn and see the magic at work. He could feel the strength of it burning at his back. No wonder PJ's raven had been burned by standing too close to their magic - Dan made a mental note to apologise to PJ about that, later. Dan had a lot to apologise to PJ about.

At the sound of a meow, Dan instantly turned around, and there sat the black fluffy shape that had first invaded Dan's life. Dan was grinning before he noticed it, especially as Phil sounded so much more content already. "I'm tempted to argue and say that being a human is much better," Dan teased, trying to lighten the mood a little, "But… I admit, you're kind of cute like that."

Dan patted the sofa beside him invitingly, settling back. He watched those bright blue eyes in the black cat's face that told him without denial that this was still definitely Phil. Besides, their bond was still buzzing away happily, much to Dan's pleasure.

Phil rolled his eyes good naturedly, tail swaying slowly across the part of the sofa his human body had been pressed against earlier. Dan was never going to let the whole human thing go, was he?

"There are some things that require a cat to do," Phil huffed, settling down to press his face to his paws. His limbs trembled as Dan patted the space next to him, though, and before he could reconsider it, his mind was screaming go to him, and he was lifting his body to make his way to Dan's side. Instantly, he was curling up against Dan's thigh, back to Dan as he pressed his face on top of his paws again.

Dan's hand came down to rest gently in his fur, and Phil practically melted, instantly beginning to purr as his body relaxed and his breathing evened out. He'd forgotten how amazing it was to have Dan's fingers carding over his fur, how amazing it was to feel small and soft and secure. There was something about being a cat that relaxed Phil, made him feel safe, and his eyes half closed as Dan stroked his fingers over him.

There was truly nowhere he'd rather be.

Dan couldn't suppress his smile when Phil melted into the cushions next to him. He'd missed the soft sensation of fur beneath his fingers, missed how Phil was small and funny and really quite adorable like this. His ears twitched, and his tail waved, and his paws fit perfectly tucked under his chin as he curled up in a ball by Dan's leg.

Dan ran his fingers gently over Phil's back, watching the fur smooth under his touch as Phil purred loudly. He grinned. "Now there's a sound I've missed." To tease it out even further, Dan moved his hand up to Phil's head, scratching at the spot just behind his ear that he remembered Phil having a fondness for before.

Predictably, Phil's purring only increased. Dan chuckled a little, concentrating his petting there and looking quite delighted with himself. "Maybe being a cat isn't quite so bad, then. Much as being human is useful, I think I'd miss your purring if you never changed back."

It wasn't fair. Dan wasn't playing fair. It was obvious he liked the sound of Phil's purr, and Phil was happy to give it to him, but he couldn't contain himself when Dan was scratching behind his ear in that spot that he liked more than anything. Automatically, the sound erupted more abruptly from Phil, and he couldn't even control it, body trying to encourage Dan to keep scratching him right there. He tilted his head into Dan's touch, and started to lead him where he wanted him to go, trying to get all the spots he'd missed having scratched as Dan laughed behind him.

It got to the point where Phil had to stand up, arching his back into Dan's fingers, and practically melting again at the sensation of Dan's fingernails digging in right where he wanted them, until finally, Dan was pressing his nails in just above Phil's tail. At that point, Phil could feel himself drooling, his purring so loud he thought the neighbors could hear it, and his eyes were half lidded as Dan practically worshipped his body. It felt so good to be scratched, to be petted, to be taken care of and loved without reservation. If this was the way to fix Dan's dislike of touching Phil when Phil needed it, then he could live with that.

Finally, Phil settled back down next to Dan's thigh, all curled up with his back to Dan again, and began to nap.

Love you, he whispered into Dan's mind. Missed you, he added, because he could feel that Dan needed to know that.

Dan was holding back his laughter as best he could, though a few chuckles escaped through the cracks. He couldn't help it. Phil was so cute as he all but pushed himself into Dan's fingers, and Dan quite happily scratched at his fur, paying particular attention to whichever spots Phil guided him to and grinning when they made Phil purr even louder.

He sighed at the whispered words into his mind. He hadn't quite realised how much he needed to hear that until Phil was telling him. He was loved, and missed, despite everything, and hearing it in that special way through their secret bond only made it that much sweeter.

Dan responded by suddenly reaching out and scooping Phil up into his lap. He held him there, gently, his hands so large they wrapped all the way around Phil's slim black body. I know, he answered in his mind, gentle fingers holding Phil carefully, giving him enough freedom to leave if he wanted. Love you too. I'm sorry for today.

Oh. Phil liked the way that felt, having Dan suddenly reaching for him and scooping him into his arms, cradling him gently in his lap while he spoke through the bond. He closed his eyes and lay there, sagging into Dan's grip, and grinned. He could still feel himself drooling, and felt kind of bad when it dripped onto Dan's skin, but was too lazy to move let alone make himself comfortable. He'd rather have Dan holding him like this anyway, his legs and little paws twitching as he really started to nap, resting his face against Dan's tummy. He felt like a rag doll, but Dan didn't seem to mind, and with the reassurance that everything really was going to be okay, Phil allowed himself to go into that deep sleep that cats so rarely did.

It only seemed natural, really, to cuddle Phil once he'd fallen asleep. After all, he was warm, and incredibly comforting against Dan's lap. But Phil was curled up a little bit awkwardly, so Dan lifted him gently up to his chest, sliding down until he was lying horizontally on his couch with his long legs hanging off the end.

Once Phil was re-situated against Dan's chest, Dan nuzzled his chin against Phil's fur and closed his eyes, joining him in a nap. He left one hand curled over Phil's back, his other resting lightly on his stomach. For the first time that day, his brain was completely calm.

Phil woke up ages later now cradled on Dan's chest. His witch was still laying on the couch, with his neck at an awkward angle, and Phil's fur pressed up under his chin, almost like Dan had needed the reassurance of Phil's body heat pressed all over him and had purposefully moved him to lounge across his chest. Phil stretched, nails catching on Dan's t-shirt, and then relaxed again as he stood up. Dan couldn't sleep like this. What had he been thinking?

Even filled with warmth as he was to have found himself laying on Dan like that, Phil had to shake it from his mind and force himself to wake Dan up.

Dan, he nudged. "Dan," he repeated aloud, and leaned down to lick at Dan's face. "Dan," he whined, nuzzling Dan's nose with his own wet one. You can't sleep like this. Your neck is going to hurt.

Dan’s calm did not last nearly long enough. It felt like mere minutes after he’d closed his eyes that there was a warm, rough tongue running over his cheek and words nudging at his mind. Dan groaned, his face scrunching up, and he half-heartedly tried to twist away from Phil.

"Shush. Lemme sleep," he mumbled, screwing his eyes shut, but the tongue didn't stop, and nor did the voice. Eventually, Dan opened his eyes to see both of Phil's bright blue eyes hovering over him. Dan sighed, his hand lifting to scratch at the base of Phil's tail where he'd seemed to enjoy before. "What? Am I not a comfortable enough pillow for you?"

Phil's heart filled with warmth immediately, and he began to purr again as Dan immediately went for his sweet spots all over again. He arched his bum into Dan's touch, and pouted at the same time as his tongue lolled out a little in enjoyment. He couldn't seem to help how much he loved having Dan scratching at him, nor could he seem to help how much he seemed to love being touched and held with affection.

You're the best pillow, Phil reassured him, going back to licking at his face, nudged his chin because Dan had closed his eyes again. But your neck is going to hurt. I don't want you to hurt, he insisted, and pressed his face up against the bottom of Dan's chin, pushing up in an attempt to rouse him or at least get him to move his neck so it wasn't pressing over the edge of the sofa arm like that.

Come ON, he complained, and nuzzled up under Dan's neck again, licking there as well for good measure.

Okay, so licking at Dan's neck was most definitely not allowed. Up until then, Dan had been able to ignore Phil's attempts at rousing him, far too tired and comfortable to even think about moving - at least up until Phil's rough little tongue had found his neck, and then Dan’s entire body was wracked with a shock of pleasure. His eyes flew open, and he sat straight up, only to melt a bit under Phil's touch.

So that was a thing. Apparently his neck was sensitive. Dan hadn't known that before.

"Alright, fine," Dan huffed, reaching out to scoop Phil back into his arms. "You want me to move? I'm moving,” he grumbled, swinging his legs onto the floor and pausing for a moment as his head swam, letting his blood settle back into place. He cradled Phil against his chest, adding, "But I hope you know you're coming with me."

With that said, Dan got to his feet and made his way slowly over towards his bedroom. His duvet was still on the floor, so Dan deposited Phil onto his pillow, giving him a pat, before bending down to retrieve his blankets. He turned to Phil, tilting his head. "...I'm assuming you're okay with this? I promise I won't freak out in the morning, not if you're still a cat."

Dan sat up so abruptly that he nearly dislodged Phil, who immediately dug his nails into his shirt and pressed his face into Dan's neck out of fear of watching himself fall. His entire body had gone tense, and his fur was standing up on it's ends, but then Dan collapsed backwards a bit, seeming to melt under Phil's touch, and they were both laying down again. Phil much preferred this, and held back his noise of distress at being nearly dislodged like that out of sheer will.

And he still really liked it when Dan scooped him up in his arms. This was the benefit of being far smaller and more compact than Dan. Dan could so easily carry him in his arms and move him around. It was wonderfully nice to be surrounded by Dan in that kind of way.

Happy to have gotten his way, Phil merely purred and peered up at Dan from where he was cradled to the man's chest. "Okay," he agreed easily enough, as there was nothing more Phil wanted than to go everywhere with Dan. He licked at Dan's cheek when he was able to reach it, and then settled back in for the ride, purring and nuzzling Dan's chest happily. He hadn't even known how much he liked doing this until he was back in cat form and allowed to, and he thought he might just stay here for a while.

Therefore, when Dan plopped him down on a pillow and then walked away, Phil began to pout, the purring ceasing immediately. He was about to protest when Dan patted his head and went to retrieve the duvet Phil remembered having moved that morning. He settled in a little more comfortably on the pillow, but he was still pouting when Dan came back.

So okay with this, Phil promised, waiting for Dan to climb into bed with him before he moved over to settle against his side. Dan's hands came around his body and picked him up again, settling Phil on his chest instead, and Phil grinned, purring loudly as he curled up just over Dan's heart. This is my favourite place.

Dan shouldn't be surprised by Phil's clinginess anymore, but it still managed to make him grin. He never thought he'd see a cat pout, but Phil managed it. As such, Dan changed quickly, hiding behind his wardrobe door, and then he was climbing into bed and had Phil curling up on his chest again, against the soft cotton of his pyjama top.

"Alright, clingy," Dan mumbled back aloud despite Phil speaking into their bond. He lifted a hand and stroked Phil's head gently, smiling when he immediately started to purr. Dan could feel Phil's sleepiness through their bond again, though, and he was warmed by the thought that Phil was happiest curled up with Dan. His warm black body was right over Dan's heart, a lovely gentle pressure on the left side of his chest.

Goodnight, Phil. Love you, Dan murmured, his eyes drifting closed again. His hands came to rest around Phil's body, and Dan couldn't help but be relieved at how the panic from earlier had completely disappeared now that Phil was a cat again. This seemed like an actual, viable solution for whenever Dan was freaking out, and it was a way that Phil was content with. Dan hadn't dared to think that this could be fixed, but as ever, Phil had surprised him again.

Phil couldn't even bring himself to mind that Dan was teasing him and calling him clingy again, because now he'd been able to see just how distressed Dan had been all day without Phil, he understood that Dan felt just as clingy. It felt pretty natural for a familiar and their witch to be attached at the hip, so Phil decided not to get offended. Dan meant nothing by it, he could feel that, and he knew from the way that Dan kept depositing Phil in ways that forced him to cuddle more directly with Dan that Dan needed Phil just as much as Phil needed Dan.

Love you, he murmured back one last time, and then he was asleep.

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