#insane self destructive acts of devotion rather than ever make out about it

[synthient]

Also fascinating how much twelveclara is just johnlock if no one read it as a joke

[linkspooky]

What are your top 5 Tokyo Ghoul characters?

I love to talk about  how much I love my faves. If you ever ask want to ask me who my faves are for a series feel free to send me an ask.

1. Who do you Fight for? - Koori Ui

Seidou has the best character growth, but my undisputed favorite just in terms of character in Tokyo Ghoul has been Ui. What I like about Ui is that he hides all of the good things about him, and shows all of his most unlikable qualities on the surface. He’s jealous, spiteful, vindictive and far too judgemental on the other people around him. He basically acts like a hardass who has no friends because his entire life is his work. 

But then once you actually get to know Ui as a character, you understand the profound sense of loneliness that affects him and all of his actions. The reason Ui acts so impersonally and even looks down on others so much is because he’s a soldier in a brutal and terrible war that has caused him to cauterize all of his emotional wounds with the burnt end of his cigarette in order to try to continue living.

Ui cares so deeply, but he never lets that caring show because he’s afraid of those feelings. He’s actually the most emotional character in the cast, the most sincere, the most deeply invested, but he is so afraid to let those feelings out of him because they will completely destroy him.

The most intersting thing about Ui’s character is that they do, we see his own grief destroy him. We see his mind deteriorate with loss after loss. Yet, Ui is so self aware in an ugly and visceral way of exactly what kind of terrible person he is, and the awful things he’s doing that he never stops being relatable evne in the middle of his descent to hell. 

Ui can’t properly love other people, but he’d willingly walk into hell for the sake of the people he loves. And in the end, unlike Kaneki and Amon who are blind to their own selfishness, Ui admits he was doing it for himself, and his own grief. Ui’s selflessness, and his deep connection to others has the opposite effect, it does not make him a good person it drives him insane and makes him more selfish. His empathy is not a magic fix-it-all glue that makes others love him, it’s a trait that actively harms him for caring. 

2. Hurry up and Die, Hurry up! - Hairu Ihei

It’s obvious that Hairu is one of my faves, she’s the other half of my all time OTP for this series. What I love about Hairu is the opposite about what I love with Ui. Ui cares too much, whereas Hairu only cares about herself. She’s physically incapable of caring about others, at least not in normal ways. 

Which is why she’s such a perfect example fo what happens to children in the garden. They are all of them, broken and unable to ever be fixed, and all of them trying to live in this broken, half formed state. Hairu thinks that love is the magic glue that will fix her and lives her entire life for the sake of that love. She literally murders people en-masse because she believes that will get her a little more praise. 

What is so interesting about Hairu is how affection starved she is. Literally, one person comforting her by patting her on the head once earns him her lifetime devotion. She lives and dies for the person who showed her the bare minimum of affection. 

Hairu is literally off in her world because she can’t uderstand people. She can’t emotionally connect to them, because she’s broken and she’s about to hit her expiration date as well. And we see this in her character, how desperate she is to connect, and yet at the same time how distant she is from others and how little empahty she has for their pain. Hairu is brutal, she slaughters people, she plays around with them like a cat playing with their food, she could not care less about the suffering of ghouls if it gets her what she wants. But she’s so driven to that point by desperation to be loved, not geniune malice. 

She’s in her own world and doesn’t understand people’s feelings because she’s always been alone, but everything she does to try to escape being alone only isolates her further until it all ends on her at once. A perfect princess, Hairu Ihei’s tower collapses on her and her head is crushed underneath a falling rock. 

3. I would dream of that day, saving you guys, making me a hero - Seidou Takizawa

Seidou’s character is someone I admire for how relatable they are for all of their faults, but also how strong they are for constantly grappling with those faults. In a manga where characters constantly run away from who they are and their uglier sides, Seidou is completely honest with himself and knows the terrible things he’s done. He’s introduced as a selfish, entitled little brat, but then we see him actively get punished for that by being given everything he wants. He gets to be a special person like Juzou and Akira, he gets to be strong like them, he loses everything like them and it drives him completely insane. 

Seidou is a walking inferiority complex, and he’s also someone who genuinely wants to be a better person so he can help the people around him. He genuinely desired to do good and be a hero. Seidou stays true to both of these traits at once, even when he flips from human to ghoul. They are both essential to the core of who he is. 

What’s interesting about Seidou is he’s constantly fighting himself, because he thinks he’s so unworthy of the other people around him. He’s self destructive and always puts himself down, but his feelings of caring for others eventually become so sefless. He loves other people while being aware of their flaws, and aware of their own flaws. 

And constantly confronting himself, his own trauma, and the terrible things he’s done like this is something that only hurts him, isolates him, and drives him insane but he’s the one who decided to live that way and he follows through until the end. No character is more human because Takizawa actually owns up to his human flaws and is constantly facing with them and deciding to live with them. 

4. I hate all of them. Everyone go die, everyone drop dead. - Urie Kuki

Urie is such a bad person, and that’s such a sexy trait to have in a character. I don’t think people who like Urie grasp what a terrible person he is, and really that’s such a shame they’re missing out on all the fun. It’s not just that he’s mean to Sasaki, or verbally dismissive of others. Urie is two-faced, he secretly despises and looks down on everyone. Urie is a child soldier raised in an abusive system, and espite being a victim of that system he has no awareness at all of how much the system victimizes people and devotes all of himself to rising to the top of that system. He actively abuses and endangers the other people around him constantly to rise to the top of that system.

Urie is so selfish that everything he does in the end is for himself. His strength is to protect his weak self, his hatred for others is to keep them at a distance because he feels constant inferiority to them. Even when he tries to protect others, it’s because he doesn’t want to have to confront feelings of loss ever again. 

Urie is just such a terrible person at handling his own little weak emotions, that he always buries them so deep and gets surprised when he goes berserk and lashes out on everyone around him. He’s not strong or even a particularly good leader, he’s a pitiful coward who can’t even have the smallest of humna conversations or confrontations with Mutsuki out of paralyzing fear of losing them.

His entire identity has been based around this oppressive system and because of it, Urie is utterly destroyed as a person. He’s just a total human failure. Which makes him my type of man.

5. “People who need reasons to do things are just trash” - Furuta Nimura

Furuta Nimura is the main character of the tragedy, the hero that tragically falls at the end. Nimura was born in the center of the tragedy, and let himself become as ugly as the world around him. But yet until the end he always used that ugliness in himself to fight against it, rather than succumbing to it.

Nimura is paradoxically, one of the most selfish, violent and cruel characters we see in the series, and yet he does not do a single thing for himself, and everything he does is for the sake of a peace which he himself never expected to live to see. 

Furuta is a terrible person who does terrible things, but he’s also actively aware of this in everything he does. He’s so painfully aware that it crushes his identity and he has to live as something other than human, to continaully wear masks and hide himself in order to just survive. He chose to be the villain instead of the hero because that’s what the world needed him to be. 

What destroys Furuta in the end is the human side he repressed, because he never allowed himself to be human. Not only that but the world around him would never allow him to be either since the day he was born. He’s a child soldier planning a double suicide with the world. He takes all of the ugliness he has witnessed and throws it back in the face of others. There’s no character driven by more powerful, darker emotions than Furuta, and start to finish his tragedy is the backbone fo the entire story. He’s the strongest connecting thread, which makes him a character as ugly, painful and complex as the world around him. 

But that’s all just a joke. He’s actually just a memelord without feelings. There’s no way he’s actually sad about his life, he’s too busy laughing at others.PS: Laugh, it’s fun! 

[bellamygateoldblog]

how do we feel about bellamy abandoning a suicidal octavia in a toxic forest in the name of monty, 'monty gave his life for us so we could have another change, and im not going to let you destroy it' who repeatedly made it clear in his final season that he wished he did more to save jasper

…we don’t feel great about it. Lol.

Got a little carried away. Apparently I had a stronger opinion on this on this than I thought I did.

There’s an LT;DR at the bottom if you don’t feel like reading the whole thing :)

The Blake relationship is a really complicated one. And I think how you see this event in particular depends on how you interpret this dynamic during the rest of the show, and how sympathetic you are towards Octavia as a character.

I want to start with this: the second chance was Monty’s to give, and only Monty’s. Bellamy doesn’t get to dictate who that message does and does not apply to, because Monty made it perfectly clear he holds no grudges, and wants the best for what’s left of the human race regardless of who they’ve been in the past or what they’ve done. That’s the whole point of ‘doing better’. He just wants everyone to do better than they did, whichever way that is. Monty didn’t specifically say ‘oh but not Octavia she can choke’ so therefore Bellamy had no right to be cowering behind Monty’s words.

He’s telling them to try a bit harder to be more understanding, compassionate, and rational. He wants them to choose to be farmers rather than warriors- to rebuild rather than destroy, to grow rather than deforest, to choose peace over war no matter what. It means a lot more than just ‘hey! maybe don’t go on another genocidal rampage?’

And by abandoning/banishing Octavia, Bellamy did the opposite of what Monty wanted. It almost felt, as i was watching, like he’d sentenced her to death. Like Clarke was banishing Murphy all over again. Or like he was Clarke abandoning him to die in the fighting pits. And I don’t know…repeating old mistakes doesn’t exactly scream ‘doing better’ to me.

Maybe this was Bellamy’s way of ridding the toxicity from the group?

But deciding she’s a lost cause and leaving her there, a clearly mentally unstable woman (and not only just some ‘woman’, but the baby sister he’s shared his life with), on an alien planet that none of them even know is safe at this point, or if it’s inhabited with hostile entities, from some moral high horse/manpainTM point of view is so low. It’s unearned at this point in the series.

Our attention was drawn to how hard it was for him. How upset he was after he did it. Rather than to Octavia and how she felt about it. It brought me back to that moment in season five, to how the camera focused in on Clarke’s pained teary-eyed expression while the child she was electrocuting was a blurry spot the background. Just what the fuck? Is all i have to say about that. He was very much Clarke in this moment; pulling a lever, leaving someone he loves on the outside *for the people* and feeling a bit ashamed but justified about it regardless.

She was trying to do the S1 Bellamy thing and stowaway to an alien planet to protect the one she loved. But the emotional fallout of season five was immense and both of them were way too amped up for any of it to go as planned. Which makes me wonder why the writers even attempted it in the first place?

But let’s just take a minute to think about how reckless and borderline insane this whole decision is from Bellamy- this is the girl who started out an illegal child, unwanted by the people she was born into, who assimilated with the indigenous people, earned their respect, found belonging with them until ultimately she became their leader. Like, if you really thought she was this much of a hazard, throwing her adaptive ass into the wilderness ready to meet another set of warrior people maybe isn’t the best idea you’ve ever had?

HOWEVER

I’m not actually opposed to a detail like this. Because of the unhealthy and sometimes poisonous nature of the Blake sibling relationship. And because they both absolutely needed time apart if Octavia were ever to grow out of Blodreina.

No matter what Monty never gave up on Jasper. But Jasper was usually self-destructive and didn’t act out emotionally using violence like how Octavia does so naturally. He could be a pain in Monty’s ass from time-to-time, but Jasper was never a threat to anyone but himself.

Bellamy cast Octavia out because she killed those guards unnecessarily. She hadn’t yet reflected on what became of her, nor had she processed any of the trauma from the bunker and following battle for Eden, in which some of the heaviest casualties were her most important relationships, with Indra, and with Bellamy. As convinient as it was to utilise violence as a tool for maintaining power, law, and order within the bunker…they aren’t in the bunker anymore, and she is no longer someone with a crushing responsibility.

Was any of that Bellamy’s fault? No.

Was it Bellamy’s job to ‘fix’ her? No.

(Do I think Monty would encourage him to mend their relationship anyway after losing his best friend and brother? Yes.)

But as her big brother and psudo-father, someone that spent his entire life protecting and taking care of her, the bare minimum i’d expect from him in a situation like this is for him to show some empathy, listen to the whole story from her point of view rather than basing his entire livelyhood on the biased accounts of a couple of Wonkru defectors, and make an attempt to understand why she is no longer the baby sister he remembers her being. If anyone was in the position to understand her- her behaviour, her mindset, the weight of leadership and how it shapes a person, and the pressure of making potentially morally corrupt decisions to ensure the people’s safety putting your humanity on the line for it- it’s him.

This was just cheap drama in place of where they could’ve written a meaningful conflict between them.

It was an oppurtunity to address Octavia’s past treatment of him, their co-dependence, their mother, Bellamy deeply believing his life was stolen from him and Octavia feeling she never had a chance to begin with, Bellamy’s inclination to make himself smaller so Octavia can take up as much space as she possibly can, both of their perverse insecurities that manifest in equally debilitating ways, Bellamy’s skewed sense of self pushing him to orbit around her, Octavia’s identity issues and lack of socialisation and resulting narrow black-or-white mindset, I could go on and on. There’s so so much content here to explore. There’s so much stress and pain in this relationship. It’s a shame that despite all that they decided to go omg cannibalism!!!!!!!!

Octavia took forever to forgive Bellamy for what happened to Lincoln, she demonised him, she attacked him over it in one of the most grotesque and unhinged displays of violence i’ve ever seen, and that wasn’t even his fault. I think we can afford Bellamy the same amount of room.

If this ‘banishment’ was the long-time-coming storm of past trauma of their intertwined existences that has long since been buried, if the time of physical peace spent on the ring building a family of his own pushed Bellamy to make a realisation or two about love and family, and the stressful draining qualities of his relationship with Octavia began to morph into resentment of her, and all this abandonment is, is just a beautifully crafted, carefully maintained facade collapsing between them, I WOULD LOVE IT. It’s understandable. But I need to see them have it out with each other first. If nothing is addressed, if they still go on carrying those things around and never find closure, not only is that hindering Octavia’s growth, but Bellamy’s, too.

But none of that happened in season six. Instead i got to see yet another female with her autonomy ripped from her and i got to see manpain.

Over time she supressed any parts of herself that would make her appear weak. It was always going to take time to pull herself out of that dark place and find a way to shape an identity that isn’t based in something that can easily be ripped away from her. So removing her from the group to find ‘the self’ is a good choice. But it had to be her choice.

I think if everything had blown up and Octavia had chosen to leave on her own volition because she recognises her own tragedy and calamity and wants to do what’s right, it would’ve been the perfect place to begin a redemption/reflection arc for her. With self-awareness. What do they say? The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one in the first place?

In an answer to another ask I said it would make some sense for Bellamy (and Clarke & Spacekru) to be unintentionally hypocritcal and judgemental considering the time distance between their last violent experience and how long they’ve had to make peace with the past. While Octavia was in the most stressful position she’s ever been in, and right in the thick of things for the six years that everyone else spent healing and maturing in.

So we have Bellamy as his most reassurred, most contented self- and he comes to Earth, he comes face-to-face with an unhinged Octavia, and is overwhelmed immediately with biased and incomplete information recapping the last six years during an erratic situation with enemies. I’d be confused and paranoid, too tf?

Bellamy loves Octavia more than life. But she’s morphed into a woman he no longer recognises and it could even come as a personal betrayal to him. He’s been disconnected from her for six years. He’s no longer intoxicated by his love and devotion to her. And he’s having a hard time accepting that the baby sister he thinks the world of is capable of such cruelty. So he’s having trouble forgiving her for it. I think it makes a lot of sense. Except, again, they never addressed anything like this.

Season five Bellamy I get. I’m sympathetic to him just as I am Octavia.

But in season six he appeared, not like he was acting on years of supressed emotional turmoil, but like he was on some moral high horse looking down on her from it.

The end of season five left things open, and there was a lot of potential there for things between them to improve, but season six took it and threw it out the nearest window. And we saw Octavia crawling on her hands and knees begging for forgiveness from a man that 1) doesn’t want her, 2) doesn’t respect her, 3) refused to listen to her, and 4) only accepted her once she was the woman he wanted her to be, who was now no longer traumatised.

TL;DR: I’m not opposed to the whole idea of them seperating in season six, with Octavia being the castaway, but it should’ve been Octavia’s choice, not Bellamy’s. And I think Monty might be disappointed that this was what (season six) Bellamy took away from his video on ‘doing better’. To ‘do better’ he decided to choose just one person that can represent all the evil that exists within both his people and himself and throw her out the dropship door. Problem solved! But there are many ways in which I think the writers could’ve done a lot more with this idea, and a lot better, too.

[pale-tower]

The White King: History

He appeared to me first when I was around the age of 13/14. This was a time in my life when I was inundated with nightmares and waking sleep paralysis. The dreams I had were in black and white, and often of my childhood home. My childhood had been one of neglect and abuse, and this home was heavily associated with it. My teens were turbulent and I was mentally unwell from my childhood experiences, and it manifested in my sleep disturbances. 

I didn’t take much meaning from the dreams, it was the usual dream fodder. Recurring characters did appear, however, and none of them had any sort of spiritual or mystical connotations, but they became recognizable faces. But only one of them began to leak out of the dreams and into day to day life, a white stag with glowing blue antlers, ghastly thin, black eyes that stared into nothing, face and neck adorned with spheres.

I drew a lot to cope with stress, and I did draw a lot of the characters that appeared in my dreams. Some of them I still draw to this very day, and they are dear to me, but they are as fictional to me as mickey mouse or any other cartoon character a child might come up with. But the white stag was different. Every image that was produced didn’t feel like it was entirely my idea. They were wrought with symbolism that I understood on some level but couldn’t necessarily put into words.  

The dreams then started to slip from the unconscious, to the conscious. PTSD, especially c-PTSD, are well known for states of nonconsensual zoning-out, known as dissociation. In these states my mind would wander, and I found them co-opted by the white stag. He’d guide my mind with daydreams, ones I didn’t control, bringing me away from self destructive looping thought patterns, suicidal ideation, etc, and showed me beautiful imagery.

He’d create stories for me, ones that didn’t always make sense if I were to tell someone else, often how dreams don’t make sense when you try to retell them, but made enough sense to me to listen and build upon them with him. From this I began to make my own stories, writing them in my head. They were different from his, much different. His always had the same predictable themes, kind of like a mythology, whereas my stories reflected more of the outside world and the media I consumed.

In my teens I was highly skeptical and kind of one of those edgy atheist types. I did not actually think much of him, I saw him just as a figment of my mind. I was a creative type, afterall, and figured that he was a normal manifestation of the creative mind. But even with my disregard of religion, spirituality, etc, I still felt compelled to treat all imagery of him with the utmost of respect.

 Every drawing of him that I dug up out of my closet or drawers would give me a moment of pause as I gazed upon it, in a way none of my other artwork did. It was as if the paper itself would judge me if I caused it any harm. As my depression lead me into periods of not cleaning my room, much of the loose-leaf artwork of him became damaged and I felt a deep sensation of guilt, one that did not exist for any of my other works.

His contact with me had dwindled in my late teens and early twenties; not ceased entirely, but his periods of guided daydreams were few and in-between as I spent time focused on my own life.

My depression, trauma, suicidality came at a head in my early and mid twenties. I have attempted suicide many times over my life, but it was during this period of time that I had come to my closest to actually being successful. During this period, he returned vividly, and took a strong hand in forcing vivid visions onto me, now with full intent and purpose, rather than just to tell stories for amusement. It was the first time I had ever began to view him as a separate entity, and was reluctant to do so even then, as amidst all of the mental health problems I was already dealing with, this form of insanity was not another one I wanted to take on. 

I was reluctant to acknowledge him at first, but his persistent badgering for a call to court finally had me listen to him, and all of his messages went against what you would assume a figment-of-newly-insanity would tell you: that my sinking into the depths of depression was largely of my own doing and a reluctance to criticize myself, that i was destroying the relationship with the first person i truly ever loved, and that i had some serious flaws with my personality that i needed to address and to stop wallowing in self pity and self hatred, since that would not fix my life.

His offered solution to this was one I found strange, but it was quite plainly, to convert to paganism and to become totally devoted to him, to pay homage to him and only him, and to treat my body like his temple; his palace, and failure to do so was a personal insult to him. Considering this was just off the heels of attempting to suffocate myself with a plastic bag, I decided to accept. I didn’t have anything else to lose, I was experiencing the lowest of low in my life.

In return for homage to him, he acts as my aide.

It’s been about 4? years since this occurred. 

I’ve made a lot of progressive in recovery. I still obviously deal with depression, as depression is often a genetic thing and it runs in my family, but I am nowhere near the level of depressed I was when he reappeared to me. I managed to pull my relationship with my spouse out of that pit (we had broken up for approx 3 months), and while we sometimes do argue we’re far, far better together than we used to be and are engaged, and he is noted how much I’ve come to improve my side of the relationship.

I’ve lost weight. I eat healthier. I’ve done my best to remove toxic people from my life. I focus on hobbies and people I care about. I’m always trying to find ways to improve my mental health rather than wallowing in self pity like I used to. It wasn’t an all at once thing, it was a constant struggle with the stag, and things he has said to me might have come across wickedly cruel to anyone else, but he dragged me back to my feet and started me walking.

His contact comes and goes still, he takes a back seat when he’s not needed, he’s never been an overly commendering figure. He’s never asked me to do something ridiculous, or dangerous, or malicious. In fact, he’s never asked me to do anything that doesn’t directly involve him or myself, he’s never shown much interest in the world outside myself unless it affects me (aka his temple) negatively. 

He gets cranky if I don’t maintain his altar and observe the passing of seasons. And if I start to neglect my health, mental of physical, he also makes his distaste known. Occasionally he’ll surprise me in a quiet moment, like in the bath, with another guided vision where he’ll flash me with spectacular imagery with symbolism I don’t always understand, but I figure it’s something he wants me to think about.

[marshmalleaux-queen]

Does anyone want to hear about the extensive headcanon I have for Ghirahim in a pathetic (but non-serious and all in good fun) attempt to somewhat justify his ruthlessness and villainy

i’m pretty sure the answer is no so I’m gonna spare you the headache by giving you the option to hear it under the cut or just keep scrolling bc it’s 1 am and I’m sleep- and sick-drunk and just babbling random shit

So a headcanon I've always had for Ghirahim - mostly (and shamelessly) to make up for the fact that my self ship with him would absolutely sink if we went strictly by canon - is that even though he's Demise's sword and does things exclusively to please his master, it doesn't exactly mean he enjoys doing so or wants to. I have two ideas/reasons for why this might be:

Before he was sworn to Demise, he was his own person (er, Sword Spirit), with his own free thoughts and desires, and similar to Fi, he was simply waiting for his master to come and claim him (whoever that may have been). As far as I'm concerned, the only weapon that's ever had a "you must be this pure/sinful to ride" requirement is the Master Sword - so what if the sword Ghirahim resides in doesn't hold that requirement? Who's to say that he couldn't very well be claimed by some powerful but benevolent warrior who's sole purpose in life isn't to be an absolute monster? Who can say that Ghirahim didn't actually have a benevolent personality himself, or at least a neutral one?

Another possible reason is that Ghirahim was created not as a weapon of evil, but for the purpose of balance. We've already seen one instance in which a hero wielding the Master Sword began to think that he was invincible, when in reality, holding that sword requires one to know their own strengths, weaknesses, and limits, and that even the simple initial action of pulling the sword from its pedestal is not always without its drawbacks. (And yes, I know that I’m referencing Hyrule Warriors, which is is a non-canon game, but none of this entire post is canon either okaydkjfhgdf)

Perhaps the intention (keyword here, "intention") of Ghirahim's creation was a means to remind those heroes of their vulnerability and weaknesses, be it from someone wielding him or by his own actions (as we've seen him summon many a monster and possess powerful magic and strength of his own). Even the good guy should never have too much power or control. Ghirahim's creation could ensure that there will always be a counter, a balance, a force going against the awesome and "good" power of the Master Sword and its wielder - not necessarily an "evil" force, but just a force to ensure that nobody has more power than another.

But surely, if he was only intended to serve as balance, then it wouldn't make sense for him to fall into Demise's possession, right?

Well, the Master Sword can only be drawn by certain people - and the circumstances change. Sometimes you have to be pure of heart, sometimes you just need to have a ton of resolve and complete an insane amount of trials, and sometimes there's no requirement other than bearing a piece of the Triforce. Once it's drawn, though, the sword spirit residing within is bound to serve that person without question - which makes sense, because the person already proved themselves to be good and trustworthy just by pulling it. But even afterwards, the person can change - like the example before - and it can still be in their possession anyway.

The circumstances regarding who can pull the sword that Ghirahim resides in are a complete mystery - but let's say, for the sake of the argument, the requirement is that the wielder needed to have a sincere desire to maintain balance and nothing more. No greed in their heart, no thirst for power - just a drive to make sure no one force is too strong. Who's to say that before Demise began causing all the chaos that he did, he didn't truly intend to keep balance by using the sword, and consequently could have drawn it? And who's to say that, just like the example with the Master Sword, he didn't get cocky once he realized how strong it was, and wanted to see just how much good he could suppress with it? Or maybe it's a lot more simple than that - maybe it's like how the Triforce of Power being bestowed to Ganon was a "divine prank," and Ghirahim being claimed by a destructive and evil force like Demise could simply be another cruel twist of fate.

Regardless, Ghirahim's not particularly interested in the whole "world domination and take all the power" thing himself. But, as fate would have it, he ended up being claimed by Demise. And Demise's cruelty has no exceptions, even to his own sword.

I imagine that since Demise is the very first incarnation of Ganon, completely built on hate and ruthlessness, he doesn't even attempt to show a shred of mercy to his own weapon. When Ghirahim fails to perform a task correctly for his master, he is punished for it - be it physical punishment, isolation, anything to demean Ghirahim and remind him that he is nothing more than a tool - a useful tool, but a tool nonetheless. Demise attempts to teach Ghirahim that the only reason he is still in one piece is because he is a powerful weapon, and that he should be afraid to disappoint his master because he will only stay alive as long as he is of use... And it works.

Ghirahim is no longer his own entity - now he is afraid to show that he is anything but malicious, cruel, and devoted entirely to his master. Even though there were no limitations as to who could claim him, his purpose as a Sword Spirit is to serve that person without question - it's simply what he was created to do. Since he is now unfortunately at Demise's mercy, he's forced to carry out a myriad of wicked deeds that he doesn't always feel are right, and any attempt to object or voice his own concern gets him ridiculed, punished, and ignored by his master.

Perhaps it explains his numerous encounters throughout Skyward Sword? He often claims to have spent too much time "toying" with Link during their previous battle and "allows" Link to walk away with his life. Ghirahim appears uninjured at the end of their fights, but the next time they see each other, his body is suddenly more and more damaged, revealing his true form underneath. Why is it that cracks and chips don't appear across his body during the fight, but are suddenly there upon their next encounter? Why does he only show signs of being hurt after he leaves and returns entirely? Perhaps it's because Link isn't the one that truly damaged him... Perhaps someone else saw it fit to harm Ghirahim - and not because he was trying to eliminate Link... but rather because he didn't eliminate Link. I think about this a lot: Clearly, Ghirahim is a powerful entity - he's extremely skilled in combat, has a ton of magic at his disposal, not to mention he himself is a literal weapon. It's not entirely irrational to think that, if not for the fact that you play as the hero and have to win the game, Ghirahim would be more than capable of wiping the floor with Link. For the sake of the argument, let's take the "forced to win" aspect away from the story, and just focus on the fact that Link always bests Ghirahim. What other explanation would there be if not that Ghirahim intentionally goes easy on Link - both to show his true benevolence (that he is desperately trying to hold on to and show others, in light of this constant charade) and to increase the possibility of Link stopping the reincarnation of his master - and when Ghirahim returns to his master, he is punished and harmed for it?

...And yes, I know the other explanation would literally just be "he's the villain, he's evil, and he is canonically just a violent and vicious asshole." Yeah, I agree, that's canonically true. Like I said, if we went strictly by canon, I know that my ship would absolutely sink because Ghirahim would never canonically act benevolent to, or give a shit about, anyone who isn't his master or caters to his master's wishes. Ghirahim doesn't even really think for himself in canon - just what Demise wants. But look this is just a big dumb massive headcanon cut me some slack and let me have fun okay ksjdfhgkjdf

[mutualhighmaintenancemachin-blog]

I need a fix cus I'm going down

Made the mistake of appraising myself sufficiently healthy to attend a bonfire with normal decent tax-payer type folks. Stood up too fast in my chair and blacked out completely, hit my head on concrete. When I came to i had no earthly fucking memory of having driven to the bonfire, nor could i really recall the names of the three concerned hipsters perched over my limp doughy abscessed jaundiced shit heap of a body. Told them it was a problem with blood sugar, i had forgotten to imbibe my afternoon orange juice! Translation-haven’t slept in four days, taking in roughly two hundred calories a day all in ginger ale. Meth heads opt to sustain themselves on a diet of paranoid resentment in lieu of proteins and grains. The cook gets super spun and lectures us like we’re babes about the dark leftist forces presently waging war on the masculinity of the white man-for one thing, he's convinced that jews run the porn industry and that fucking pornhub is riddled with overtures both overt and subliminal intended to brainwash white guys into identifying as weak and feminine and to associate men of color with heroism and strength. He also believes that soy causes gender dysphoria. All of these batshit crazy delusions act like stars in the broad constellation of the cooks worst dystopian fears-a workforce with no room left for traditionally male-centered leadership characteristics dominated from top-down by a host of future ladies who make their trade in creative collaboration, rather than fear and theft of other peoples ideas. Without a need for a provider, our nazi-bespectacled methamphetamine cook envisions a new sexual economy in which women will jettison their attachments to the family structure in favor of like, industrialism, i guess, and men will have no other resort but a desperate turn to cross-dressing and dick-taking and i guess maybe stitching scarves. It was at this point that i was really tempted to tell the cook something he needs to hear-if you really believe that large shadow societies are orchestrating history just cus they want to make you some dudes boyfriend, its probably cus part of you wants to be. I get that, sucking dick is a blast. if you’re terrified that you can’t compete in a post-modern job market, it might just be because you aren’t. There’s no place left for cowboys or outlaws or methcooks cus those professions only make sense in the context of an insanely violent frontier. You feel obsolete and useless because you are, but make no mistake, that hurt has nothing to do with the world everything to do with your soul being severely malnourished. I know cus mine is too! Real moral christian courage is showing up to your crucifixion with a smile on your face ready to graciously thank the romans for every nail they put through your wrist. You feel empty because your a paranoid fascist meth cook, i feel bad cus I'm a junkie. We are bad. The nazi pilots who blitzed france in two sleepless, speed-fueled nights probably felt fucking fantastic, as if they were aloft on the trade winds of history itself and their momentum across europe must have seemed like proof enough of the moral righteousness of the german cause. But then the morning comes and the meth wears off and your skin smells like piss and your back aches and you can’t stop grinding your jaw and the first wave of survivors begin to trickle out from the camps and presumably in that moment a few nazis had the epiphany-that the very same starved beaten traumatized jewish women and men and children they had aspired to extinguish from human memory were now going to tell the story of what had happened. Power loses, grace is its own kingdom, etc etc. Furthermore those german officers who managed to transition back to civilian life and start families must have experienced a very strange new parental dynamic-can you imagine a family at a dinner table and the proud head of household instructs his small son to finish his vegetables and after pausing to mull it over for a few moments his son turns to him and says Father having thought about it a great deal i don’t think ill be following your instructions-after all you were only following instructions yourself when you helped to engineer the greatest cruelty in human history! To which ostensibly the father mumbles to clear his throat and asks his wife to pass the potato salad. Not even to invoke the possibility that the Fuhrer himself Mr. Adolph Hitler probably died surrounded by a swarm of shadow people, fucking hilarious just the thought, him yelling in that distinctive manic patois of his that he’s the leader and the abeyance of his will is sacrosanct blah blah blah while the little invisible mites under his pale skin shift and swell and scratch and the shadow people dancing around his peripheral vision taunting and cajoling and ridiculing him and the absurdity of his final solution and because he didn’t know speed the way we now know speed he probably didn’t know anything about the shadow people at all from his perspective they might just as well have been the ghosts of his victims come to taunt and ridicule him in his lowest hour pointing and laughing and daring him to pull the trigger!   

The same entitlement motivates the mass shooter who imagines a world full of seven billion perfect strangers as an attack on his rightful pursuit of happiness. No one will sleep with him and he can’t make sense of his place in a world built on fucking so he begins to indulge in fantasies of coercion, revenging himself on the very public space he so craved Now if our hypothetical douchebag had any pretense of self-awareness he might have looked into the possibility of adopting several dogs, and in turn coming to see his life as a story about caring unconditionally for animals. That’s a helluva life-Saint Francis got into the catholic hall of fame for doing not a whole lot more. Or perhaps he could adjust his expectations of intimacy in consideration of the countless plain-to middling-to ugly folks who are forced to come to terms with the truth early on that all of our bodies are grotesque and hideously deformed billboard advertisements for our big beautiful impossibly dense souls-come see a kernel of divine inspiration made self-aware, shimmering in the glory of creation,  just two exits past the tits and chin and ankles and all the rest of our faulty parts. 

Now a discerning reader(however unlikely you’d be to find one in an audience consisting of absolutely fucking nobody lol) might have already begun to detect a certain heady strain of hypocrisy in this authors conclusion. Because while I'm not much of anything the one thing i certainly am is a self-destructive drug addict. So maybe its one thing for me to make fun of the cook for his wrath-filled flu-stricken infants tantrum of a way of viewing the world, assigning to his solipsism a generation-hopping solidarity with his nazi forefathers who came before and identifying in his politics the germinal seed of fascisms future, a politics so personal and self-contained that every divorce will be debated as if it were a stand in for larger cultural decay, every morning hangover a portent of spiritual decline, the vitals of the stock market remeasured and reassessed each time someone finds on the sidewalk a loose dollar bill. Political assemblies with real largesse exclusively devoted to trolling the instagram of a nebraskan man named doug’s now ex-wife  for pictures of her maui vacation with husband number two drinking mojitos on a beach with sand bleached white as bone and both of them grinning with surgical precision an opulent almost confrontational kind of public grinning Doug couldn't recall that bitch ever having felt for him and the kids off playing in the surf and well how could any concerned and conscientious citizen fail to see the basic threat to democracy that whole scene represents? Donald Trump is probably the loneliest man in the world. He’s never met another person. He spends his time wandering the halls of his head checking for reoccurrences of his own reflection, a lifetime spent pathologically re-telling the same story about how he came to be the most powerful person in the world, so that by the time he really became who he had always pretended to be, the most influential figure in the free world, he had long-since bought into his own fraud to such a great extent that even the real thing couldn’t compare. Only a selfishness and self-centeredness as grandiloquent as his could explain the mindset of the modern mass shooter and the micro-politics informing him. He confuses his head for the world and then becomes enraged when it won’t do as he wishes, cursing the rain for its cold lash against his shoulder where he’d rather there have rested warm summer glow, furious at the thought of all the people he would never meet in far-off places he would never see who never paid him any attention whatsoever. Playing peek-a-boo a little bit of cheating peer through chubby fingers arrayed like a geisha’s fan and for the first time see that objects don’t disappear without our gaze to ontologically anchor them to earth. What a hurt. Now it might be technically correct that my addiction does to my loving family what the selfishness of the mass shooter does to public space. It intrudes like an alien thing and turns the air chilly in our childhood home and it transforms the medicine cabinet into a contested territory in need of defensive fortification and now that Cassies marriage has crashed on the rocks of addiction nobody could blame her if she never allowed another addict to darken her doorstep again and there was the sight of Jan opening my trucks passenger side door and a few rigs fell out onto the floor and all the spoons in the house have one side burnt-and-bruised like a black-eye you say you got from falling down a flight of stairs despite body language that says something entirely else why is it we don’t have a single spoon in the house what ghost spends all night punching the walls full of holes 

recently went to an Alanon meeting to sneak a glimpse of how the other half lives...this lady said my addiction is to loving my addict. Bawled rivers out from red raw-rubbed rubber eyes and said my addiction is to my addict Not her person or qualifier or partner but her addict. Syntax almost seeming to suggest that something about the existential plight of the addict gets her intoxicated dizzy on pain. It’s quaint though cus that sort of sentiment is for fucking rookies-guarantee you no ones crying over me like a romantic. Not anymore. My thing these days is of a distinctly more shakespearian strand of tragedy, with wittgenstein and derrida’s influences also undeniable. I’m sick now in a way where people stop crying and praying you’ll find God and change and decide instead it’d be easier to just cross the street. Schizophrenics lost in a chorus meant only just for them, apocalyptic street preachers who stand on soap boxes while reeking of shit and give voice to visions of an America not our own, an alternate dimension where european arrival at the shores of the new world stalled out somewhere halfway across the pacific ocean on a wave so tall it scraped the heavens and America grew up a nation of nomads who set their watches to the rumbling migration of herds of buffalo and not even the highest priest could dream of a more beautiful idea than that of motion, movement without cease, the only acceptable fixed still frozen property being the burial mounds where the dead went after all their motion had gone-if they could view us on the other side of the looking glass stolen away in our own personal homes they would almost certainly come to the conclusion that this place where we live is just the land of the dead, a negative photograph of everything vital and good. Who would i be to disagree though, right? 

The point is anyway that some alchemical reaction of A. Mental illness and B. Amphetamine abuse has more or less stranded me in words. Verbs and nouns and adjectives and adverbs in place of sky and grass. What Fredric Jameson called the prison house of language. Where derrida’s difference goes to play for eternity, never quite meaning what it had meant to say. What shook wittgenstein speechless. The president’s rhetoric so hollow that you can almost see him suffering a kind of dementia or spiritual torpor that results from the badness of his faith. Chewing and chomping consonants and sounds till they all are made to mush and shearing syllable after syllable off the network of signification until all that’s left is one satellite pinging a distress call hello is anyone there off of its own side. It’s own side like Adam plucked Eve from his rib and said put on this dress-after they ate the fruit and God cast him/her out to walk the world alone reportedly God said have fun all alone you worthless slut. Imagine trumps final state of the union-i am very sick, i have been alone for as long as I can remember, i wish i hadn’t lied so often, i wish i had occasionally told the truth, i would trade all of it to have known just one person. 

Anyways, barring that miracle of political theater, the body gets sick and dissolves while the spirit is lost in words. I’d like to die in a bathroom stall in haughville with a rig stuck in my arm and the words I'm sorry stuck at the tip of my tongue and God decides to show some compassion and makes me a deal says you were never much good to people didn’t believe in a thing but you sure could do some impressive vomiting up of nonsense words and so what ill do is your soul will dissolve and turn into ink and for the rest of eternity you’ll be a naughty joke or a half-scribbled doggerel scrawled on the wall of a piss-soaked bathroom stall in the ghetto or you could say call this number here for a good time and don’t forget to ask for large marge and nobody’d ever suspect you were trapped in there or maybe a joke like this favorite of mine about my son it goes something like Jesus Christ was a God-awful carpenter, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Christ was a God-awful, couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. Couldn't pull a nail. Christ was God-awful. Couldn’t nail his own couldn’t save a carpenter terrible couldn’t pull god-awful a terrible carpenter he couldn’t pull a nail to save his own life. I can’t pull this nail to save my own life. It’s right there sticking out of my wrist, but for whatever reason I just can’t find the right words to pull it out he was a carpenter who couldn’t pull a nail even if his life depended on it couldn't save his own life he couldn't-

For a good time call this number 1-555-555-5555 and don’t forget to ask for-

[opalmothnightingale]

6- 2- 18 - Also it seems,...  I may be feeling more confident, more clarity also on my issues and what to do, and the wherewithall to just do it, sooner, ,...  Not like right at this very moment, necessarily but sooner,...  Because of the confidence and clarity on what to do,... Yet I also feel more grounded, more pleasure, more patience,...  More being here, now, in this moment, the physical senses, the material world, enjoying it, doing things,...  And it seems to me that maybe these are some things that I’ve been feeling more lately, too, from Kali’s impression,...  her seeming personality,...  

I also feel I got a lot of help with a sense of values, personality and a plan for my life, what’s right, all coming together, with Shiva, actually,...  And Krishna, too,...  But it all started coming together more later on, with less falling through the cracks, after a while with Shiva,...  Maybe because I learned more and my energy got higher and more aligned,...  and my life got easier, too,...  With Krishna, it felt more like a sweet comfort, but less of the protective cutting through all illusion, maybe?  Less defending and removing the bad,...  Even though there was a lot of protection, too,..  I am not sure, but ...  just my own experiences.  So maybe it has some relevance?  Maybe I needed someone to “destroy” things, problems, in my life, more so,...  Maybe that is why I guess I needed more emphasis on that, because so much corruption and abuse of power had too much control in my life and I felt trapped?  

As I came to think on it some more I realized, I did sense a lot of personality, and I also seemed to identify with many values and lessons very strongly, that are more emphasized with Shiva, which is why I chose to start focusing on Shiva more, after initially being given a vision, devotion and help with Krishna, and Ganesha, too,...  The thing was it felt like a great and wholesome, bigger picture view ...  Rather, an energy, ...  Or being, I believe,...  who personified those values and knowledge,...  This being and this energy along with it...  was guiding my life, teaching and protecting, and helping, giving intuitions, guidance, ... and many things, so much, when I was focusing on Shiva, 

... But it wasn’t so much of a personality usually that I felt,...  It was more like from behind the scenes, usually, like “his agenda” and “his teaching” was happening in my life, is more how it felt, but powerfully helpful, and more so than what I felt with Krishna, I think,...  Or maybe not more happened, but it felt,... it progressed farther, different problems finally might have gotten addressed better, more clearly?  After the foundation of years of help from Krishna? 

I guess it seems like this?  Is it because Shiva was more right for me, or maybe more right for me at different times of my life?  Like the idea of the Ishta Devata?  But I never did exclusively decide for sure about any one deity,... Hmm,...  So I am still not sure and now I will see what happens with Kali, though I am still also honoring Shiva at this time. 

But, maybe ... that was what it was, more clearly,...  And, ...  So,...  Then,...  Maybe, it was that is how and why, my life started making more sense and coming together more, more problems and pitfalls moved beyond them,...  And that helped me a lot,...  

So I guess, ...  That it was something that I didn't know how to access on my own, try as I might, so I kept on talking to spirit, asking spirit to intercede on everything, and it did amazing work, transforming my life,...  And yet it felt, 

... like there was more that wasn’t working, and I wonder if it’s like now it’s time for a new energy to come in and fill in what was missing for me,...  I wonder,... 

Hmm,..  I am not sure but based on reading online, which I don’t know how reliable or accurate it is,...  

Maybe Kali might be more fierce, more hardcore when it comes to the defending, teaching hard lessons, to her devotees?  However ... 

... Shiva, and especially the fierce manifestations may also be like this...  

Maybe I am more ready for “tough love”, because I can see through more illusions and am higher aligned, less ego, less vulnerable, more strong ... 

and, really, just, more ready to take on those hard lessons? 

Maybe,...  

I am not sure,...  But it feels about right,...  

And ready to do what it takes to remove the harmful wrong things from my life, as well, because that’s what’s right.  Because, you have to defend what is sacred from what would desecrate it if there is no other better option, but only do so in the most gentle or good way you can,...  

However if ego is the barrier, sometimes ego is like evil,...  

Not evil inherently but it is,...  The blind destructive force that can lead others to

... Just, be so blindly evil thinking they’re good, even if they’re good at some times in their lives,...  In the most extreme, some even kill in the name of good, 

Unthinkable to a sane mind, history abounds, psychology abounds with more minor similar examples,...  And it can make people though, just ... 

Just to truly be so insane, self centered, without empathy,...  because they have been blinded by their bias and hypocrisy because it’s how human nature works and life is overwhelming and can do this because it’s sad, stressful, too much to bear, too hard, too fast moving, too complex to figure out, soul crushing, lonely, angering, traumatizing,...  And people take short cuts and mentally block out things they can’t deal with and figure out,...  And that is how it all begins,...  And they are surrounded with cultural norms of cruelty, greed, escapism, denial, judgment, bias, hate, etc, oftentimes, and the desire to conform or just to trust it’s true since all these other people say so, so they take a mentally lazy escapist path, just to get through the overwhelm of the day,...

And I know,... I have done it,...  Many are like this, behind closed doors, in their personal circles, not hurting too many,...  It’s just the beginning seeds of greater hate though, if it spreads more,...

...  as opposed to the more severe expressions, it can exist to a smaller scale in domestic violence, sociopaths,...  Which are far more common than might be thought, everywhere,... 

...and narcissism and such in daily lives, workplaces, home, family, etc, etc,...  And, verbal and mental abuse which is silent and invisible except in the hearts and 

... in the minds, ... of those who are the victims, behind close doors, in their private home lives,...  Sometimes the ones who are violent and controlling

... Unseen, unknown, largely to anyone,... But to their own families hold just as much power, and the ones who are abused can’t escape, safely at all,...  So spirit might intervene in some way to help,...  It seems right to me,..  

And sometimes people are oppressed with bias, by society,...  And can’t get any control,...  Which can be just as entrapping, enslaving and abusive, if a more subtle form, but just as traumatizing and damaging in the overall effects over time, because it is just like institutional discrimination 

... and so that kind of mistreatment and withholding of opportunities or support or social support too,...  That really can have cascading effects in your whole life,... Unusual personalities, behavioral disorders, mental health problems, and invisible illnesses, are a few of these conditions that can make life a trap, abused invisibly by socially acceptable norms,...  

All of these, and more,...  Are the really modern day invisible abused ones,...  One day they might be helped with Civil Rights movements too,...  I suspect,... It’s only fair if people see the truth of it, and are made aware, through science or something breaking through the biases,...  But for now they’re the ones

... who this day and this time, they remain even still, in our “civilized” society,...

So very invisible ...  Unseen, and unheard,...  suffering ones whose suffering is totally denied and blocked from peoples’ minds as even being possible or so bad, or innocent helpless suffering that it is,...  Sen as somehow their own negligence and choice, when it’s not at all like this,... 

They are those modern day pariahs,...  who society thinks ...  Refused to believe they are abused,...  So in their minds, it’s not ever even a debate, and they hold the mass viewpoints, the public societal consensus,...  The power of people acting dumb in large groups, so it is, very powerful,...  The societal norms that almost no one can see beyond, because it’s the zeitgeist of the times,...  or whatever it is the name they give it,...  Few have the power to see beyond the raging biases of their societies and times, unfortunately...   They think these invisible suffering ones aren’t abused.  Society thinks it’s all in their heads,...  Etc, etc..