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[koenashi-blog]

= FE:Fates AU Support Conversations: Koe & Shunya =

*note: text in "quotation marks” are Koe signing ; text in [ brackets ] are Koe writing

C SUPPORT

Shunya: Koe!

Koe: …?

Koe: "Yes?"

Shunya: I never got the chance to thank you for saving our hides before. So, thank you.

Koe: "No problem."

Shunya: Are you doing alright? This is your first real campaign outside of your training sabbatical, so I'm worried that it might be taking a toll on you.

Koe: "I'm fine."

Shunya: Really? You're sleeping well? Eating three proper meals with lots of rice and fish and veggies—?

Koe: "I AM FINE."

Shunya: Now, now, no need for the exaggerated hand motions. You know it's just my responsibility as your older brother to nag and be worried about you.

Koe: "I'm not a kid anymore."

Shunya: That may be true. But even after twenty seasons, you'll still be my baby brother. I'm sure Helen feels the same. So, make sure you're taking care of yourself or else Big Brother's going to come and take care of you himself!

Koe: ( Geez... Does he act like this with the other soldiers, too...? )

B SUPPORT

Koe: …

Shunya: Ow! Koe—?!

Koe: "Sorry. I had to get your attention."

Shunya: That's fine and all, but... couldn't you have tapped me with your foot instead of kicking the back of my leg?

Koe: "Reflex."

Shunya: Oh, boy... Don't tell me that's how you call for your mercenary friend.

Koe: *shrug*

Shunya: That poor guy. Try to be a little kinder to him, won't you?

Koe: ( I will when he stops calling me a blueberry shortcake... )

Shunya: Anyway, what's up? Did you need something?

Koe: "I haven't had a chance to talk to you properly since Grayson and I joined the army. I wanted to see how you were doing."

Shunya: Haha, well... Circumstances aside, I'm doing fine.

Koe: "You haven't troubled anyone with your incessant worrying?"

Shunya: Oof. That stung! I'll have you know that my worrying isn't incessant in the least.

Koe: "Sure."

Shunya: You know I'll always be impressed at how you can manage to convey your sarcasm through hand signs.

Koe: ...

Koe: "No one gives you any trouble?"

Shunya: There's going to be pockets of people who like to stir things up, even when we're not fighting a war. That's just how things have been since before you and I were even born. But I'm thankful to say that, generally, the others in the army have taken to Helen quite well.

Koe: "That's good. I'm glad."

Shunya: Yeah... I'm glad, too.   

A SUPPORT

Shunya: Koe?

Koe: …

Shunya: I know you can hear me. You're mute, not deaf.

Koe: ...

Shunya: *sigh* Is it okay if I sit beside you while you read?

Koe: …

Shunya: I'll take that as a yes.

Shunya: ...I've heard around the camp that you've been pretty frigid lately. Even Grayson told me you were acting a lot more distant than usual. What's wrong?

Koe: …

Shunya: I'm not going away until you tell me.  

Koe: …

Shunya: Hm? A scroll and stick of charcoal—oh! I'm sorry, Koe. You were just trying to get your thoughts in order, right? I haven't seen you in so long that I'm starting to forget the habits you'd developed.

Shunya: Anyway, I'll let you write it all out.

Koe: …

Koe: …

Koe: …

Shunya: Done? Wow, that's—that's pretty long. Let me see...  

[ Even now, I'm unsure of how to fully express the extent of these feelings. There's numbness, but also breathlessness and paralysis. I find myself overwhelmed. ]

[ Is it from fear of war? No. I had known from the very beginning what my training will be used for. To protect my country is what gives me great pride, as I know it to be for every other honorable warrior of Hoshido. It is my joy to ensure the safety of our homeland. Yet the thoughts of being unwanted within these borders suffocates me completely. ]

[ I'll speak truth to you. I resented you. I resented you for marrying Helen. I resented Helen for swaying you from our family's path. Nohr and Hoshido make up the one coin of this continent: two halves that will never come together without the shape of this land, as we know it, falling apart. When I first heard the news as I was pursuing my studies, I was stunned. How could a monk of your station and caliber marry Nohrian nobility? I felt betrayed, as if you'd struck me across the face with the back of your hand. And then I felt ashamed. From that shame, from the stares accusing me of treachery piercing through me like well-forged daggers, my voice was extinguished to a mere ember. ]

[ It was hell, having a name meaning 'voice' yet not being able to speak. ]

[ I came home prematurely to escape their scrutiny, but then you were there. With her. I couldn't stand to look at either of you, though I played the part of the filial brother. You loved her, so what was I to do? How could I hate the brother who spent most of his life caring for me and loving me the most, out of everyone I've known? How could I spit in the face of your trust, even though every fiber of me yearned to return the slight I thought I'd been dealt? I was mute with conflicting emotions. I did nothing. ]

[ I went on that training sabbatical to get away from everything and everyone. I had no particular duty to take up arms, but it ensured me a way out while I still worked with the words I hold in high regard. I thought that if I had some time to myself, I would reorient my opinions. That I would find a way to compromise these bitter feelings. ]

[ I'm confused. I'm afraid. It's been all I could do to keep fighting. It's been all I could do to keep myself away from everyone else. ]

Shunya: Oh, Koe...

Koe: …

Koe: "I'm sorry."

Shunya: You needn't give me any apologies. Come here.

Shunya: ...I'm sorry I put you through all that. I know you had a promising future ahead of you as a scholar. As a brother, and as someone who loves you dearly, I don't think I can ever forgive myself for razing your path.

Koe: …

Koe: I was... wrong...

Shunya: !

Shunya: Koe, you—!

Koe: When I met him... I knew... I was wrong... about everything...

Koe: Nohrians... can be kind... Hoshidans... can be cruel...

Koe: ...And... more than anything... I know that... you love me... and that I can never... ever hate you...

Koe: We can... end this divide... all of us... together...

Shunya: I'm glad you feel that way. I really, really am.

Shunya: I promise, as your big brother, that I'll be there for you. That I'll protect you. That I'll learn all your ways and quirks so that I can understand you better. That I'll be so annoying and naggy that you'll start to get sick of me.

Shunya: So, don't be afraid to tell me everything, okay? No secrets or lies between us.

Koe: …

Koe: ...I'm glad you married Helen.

Shunya: Haha... I'm glad, too.

[koenashi-blog]

= FE:Fates AU Support Conversations: Hiiro & Waki =

C SUPPORT

Hiiro: Waki.

Waki: Oh, Hiiro. What can I help you with?

Hiiro: I just wanted to make sure you were well. I never thought you would join the army, of all things.

Waki: I'm doing fine—honest. I've been in Hoshido's service for a few years already, so I've had plenty of time to get adjusted. I'm more concerned about you. Capable warrior as you are, the camp is rife with talk about your... well, origins.

Hiiro: About how I'm from Cheve.

Waki: ...Yes.

Hiiro: People will always talk and assume as they please. A Hoshidan in Nohrian territory, a Hoshidan coming from Nohrian territory—the rumors will all be the same regardless of where I am. It's no skin off my back. You shouldn't be worried on my behalf.

Waki: I'm your friend, aren't I? How can I not be worried?

Hiiro: I appreciate your feelings, Waki. But please, lay your troubles to rest. Should anything happen that truly bothers me, I will come to you.

Waki: I expect you to keep those words.

Hiiro: I will. I promise.

B SUPPORT

Waki: Just need to twist this a little more and... that should do it. Now I need to let this cool down before I put it back into place.

Hiiro: Waki? Do my eyes deceive me? Are you actually in front of a hearth—with smithing tools?

Waki: I'm a mechanist, you know! It's my responsibility to maintain and repair my puppet as any rider would for their mounts. After all, I'd be in a bind should it not function properly on the battlefield.

Hiiro: I understand and yet... I've always remembered you as wanting to be a painter. Smithing was going to be my trade, when I succeeded my father.

Waki: Painting has very little use in a war. I wouldn't last with a weapon, either. At least, with this, I could retain my craftsmanship while fulfilling my duties here. It all worked out. I mean, look at what I've managed to create! The outside is beautifully carved from cherry wood with an internal system of iron springs and cogs and levers that are coated to perfectly channel magic to achieve movement. I'm very proud of this puppet.

Hiiro: It is rather impressive.

Waki: ...And to be honest with you, all I thought of while I was building this puppet were the times we used to help your father in his workshop.

Hiiro: Some help we were. Back then, we couldn't even lift the hammer to shape the metal, so he just had us quench the blades.

Waki: But Tanizaka was using the quenching trough, so we had to use the standing one. And since neither of us were tall enough to reach the top, I had to sit on your shoulders to even dip the damn thing in the water.

Waki: I'm pretty sure that Tanizaka occupied the trough on purpose. He was always sly like that.

Hiiro: Everything worked out in the end, though.

Waki: With us two, it always did.

Hiiro: At least... until we left.

Waki: ...Yeah.

Hiiro: …

Waki: …

Waki: You couldn't help your circumstances. You moved out of necessity. I could hardly blame you for that.

Hiiro: …

Waki: Come on, Hiiro. What was it you said before? 'Please, lay your troubles to rest. Should anything happen that truly bothers me, I will come to you.'

Hiiro: That was a poor imitation.

Waki: But the sentiments behind it are true. It even made you smile a little.

Hiiro: … 'I expect you to keep those words.'

Waki: That was an even poorer imitation!

A SUPPORT

Hiiro: ...Waki.

Waki: We seem to be bumping into a lot lately. Rather, you seem to be seeking me out.

Hiiro: …

Waki: Hiiro. What’s wrong? You can tell me.

Hiiro: …I heard some rumors around the camp. They… They said that you had been seduced by a court poet. That he had forced you into unsavory acts and debauched you.  

Waki: …Ah.

Waki: Well, they’re not completely wrong.  

Waki: It was after you and your family had left. He had yet to become a court poet, then—he’d just been a man named Hibiki with a gift for words and a strong aspiration to show his talents to anyone who would listen. When we first met, he told me that he saw me before in my father’s boat when we were pulling up our nets. He told me that I was beautiful, that the sunrise behind me couldn’t even compare—all in verse.

Waki: Now that I think about it, you probably wouldn’t have liked him. You would’ve said he was too glib and that he was trying to lead me astray. You were always the reasonable one out of the both of us—with you gone, I was swept away by the force of his praises. I drowned in the way he said he loved me. By the time he had asked me to leave the village to make a better life for the both of us—him with his poems and me with my paintings—I was too drunk on all of it to say anything but yes.

Waki: We went to the capital. Hard times befell us, despite the city’s affluence. Hibiki was getting increasingly frustrated with the situation and, after a while, he resigned himself to taking the examination in order to become a government official. His examination soared above all the rest. They say that even the late king had been impressed, though I can’t say for sure if he was just exaggerating. Nevertheless, it seemed like our luck was changing. Hibiki told me I would worry for nothing anymore: he has the court’s favor. I could stay at our home, tend to the domestic tasks, wear all the kimonos and jewelry I had always been too ashamed to don, paint to my heart’s content. And when he would come home, we would love each other.  

Waki: That’s how it was supposed to have been, at least. The temptations of the court are like the waters that make up the sea. Hibiki was swept up in that grandeur much like I had been with his words. He changed. He would stay at the castle for days at a time, would flirt and lie with other noble concubines, would guilt me into silence and into… into what the rumors say.

Hiiro: …

Waki: He made me question myself. Wouldn’t I be betraying his love for me? His good faith? What home would want to accept me back, willful child that I am? What family would take back the person who’s supposed to be their son, but finds them to be lured by pretty kimonos and hair ornaments and other things meant for a daughter? He was the only one who would love and accept the me that I discovered to be true.

Waki: But I had enough of it, after a while. And in the many years we’ve known each other, slept in the same bed, indulged in one another’s bodies and hearts—in all that time, I learned the potency of words and the power of credibility. I needed to use mine to free myself from it. But who would listen? Hibiki certainly wouldn’t. Neither would the court, I assumed. He was a prized official who had rose to a high-ranking position. I nearly lost all hope until, on the one afternoon I was going to throw my life away, I crossed paths with a woman.

Waki: ‘What ails you so?’ she had asked me. I crumpled and sobbed and laid all my burdens onto this stranger—and as I wept of all my misfortunes, she merely put her hand against my back and comforted me. When I emptied myself of all my tears, she said something I’ll never forget.

Waki: ‘You have endured much. Your strength will be rewarded and the world will vindicate you.’ Her words rang true. Soon after, our relationship came to light. All the things he had done to cement his place in the court were exposed. He still retained his position, but his reputation suffered as a result. I could go home.

Waki: …The one who made it happen—the one who vindicated me and rewarded me with my freedom—was none other than the late Queen Mikoto.

Hiiro: And that’s why you enlisted afterwards.

Waki: Mm…

Hiiro: Waki—

Waki: Don’t feel bad for me. Don’t feel guilty for not being there. Like I said, I can’t blame you for what you had no control over. You’re here now anyway. We’re both standing here because of how our lives played out, so… don’t regret any of it. It all worked out in the end.

Hiiro: …His name was Hibiki, correct?

Hiiro: If I ever come across him… I’ll cut him down myself.

Waki: Now, now, no need for any reckless bloodshed. You’re already suspected of being a Nohrian spy, anyway.

Waki: Besides…

Waki: I’ve already called to be first in line to hit him.

Hiiro: …Together, then?

Waki: Heh. Gladly.

S SUPPORT

Waki: Hiiro!

Hiiro: Hm. For once, it’s you taking the initiative to talk to me.

Waki: Only because you called me out here. It’s the middle of the night, for goodness’ sake! We’re not even on guard duty or anything.

Hiiro: Forgive me. I tried to keep it until morning, but curiosity got the better of me. Besides, I thought it would be better for us to have this talk without fear of interruption.

Waki: Did something happen?

Hiiro: No, nothing happened. I was just bothered by something during our last conversation.

Hiiro: You didn’t confirm nor deny that Queen Mikoto was the reason you joined the army. Ever since the beginning, I found it strange that you would suddenly take up arms. You were never the type to exert yourself physically and from what you told me about your time with Hibiki, there had never been a need for you to strengthen your body. Yet here you are, training and repairing and fighting with the rest of them.  

Hiiro: Waki, what’s the real reason you enlisted as a soldier?

Waki: …

Hiiro: Please, tell me the truth.

Waki: …

Waki: After the incident with Hibiki, I was going to go back to the village. I didn’t really have a clear plan in mind for what I would do when I got there—I just wanted to go home.

Waki: As I was passing through the city gates, I overheard talk about a swordsman. His strength was slowly gaining renown and infamy. He had sharp, blue eyes and hair as black as a murder of crows. They say he could cut through anything, even shadow itself. He had all the features of a Hoshidan, yet this swordsman hailed from the Nohrian territory of Cheve.

Hiiro: Ah...!

Waki: I had to find out if it was you. That’s why I joined this army. I didn’t care whether it was all for naught in the end. It gave my life a purpose again. If there was even a grain’s worth of a chance that it was you, then…

Hiiro: Waki…  

Waki: …

Waki: …I missed you terribly. I always had. And while I never blamed you for your circumstances, I spared myself none of the same mercy. I always felt like if I had been stronger or braver or even a little more reliable, like a normal boy should have been… I could have persuaded you to bring me along. All I ever wanted was to be by your side.

Waki: Even when I convinced myself that I loved Hibiki, the only one my heart yearned for was you.

Hiiro: …

Waki: …Sorry. I suppose now’s not the time for such sentiments.

Waki: I answered your question. Let’s go back to camp and rest.

Hiiro: No.

Waki: No?

Hiiro: …You had said before not to regret where our lives lead us because this is what it culminated to. I can’t accept that.

Hiiro: Because the one thing I regret, more than anything else… was leaving you behind.

Hiiro: You said you didn’t blame me for moving away. But your words ring true—I could have taken you along. I could have convinced our families. I could have even taken you and we could have run away together.

Hiiro: But instead, I played the obedient son and accepted my fate without any protest. Because of that, I nearly lost you without ever realizing it. I regret my inaction now more than ever. However, it’s also because of that regret… that I plan on not letting you disappear from me again.

Waki: Huh?

Hiiro: …Do you remember when you worried for me before? When those suspicions of me being a Nohrian spy were going around? I told you that I didn’t care for their words because it will be the same wherever I go.

Hiiro: But if I’m completely honest with myself, just having you believe in me and my integrity was enough to assuage my fears. Your opinion was all that ever mattered to me.  

Hiiro: I don’t care about your past. I don’t care about you being a willful son or wanting to wear pretty kimonos despite being a boy or wanting to paint nothing but goldfish until the world ends.

Hiiro: I only care having you with me.

Waki: H-Hiiro…

Hiiro: I love you, Waki. I realize that words may be a cheap currency to you now, but that is the truth I had promised you from before.

Waki: … *sniff*

Hiiro: Come here. It’s alright.

Waki: *sniff* H-Hiiro, I— *sob*

Hiiro: Shh. You don’t have to say any more. I already understand what you want to tell me.

Waki: I-I’m sorry, H... Hiiro... *sniff*

Hiiro: Shh… It’ll all be okay. I’m right here. I promise.