#incorrect the xiaolin dragon king quotes

[unicornblossom13]

Raimundo: You dated the brutal villain Chase Young?

Juno: He wasn’t the “brutal villain” Chase Young when I was dating him.

[unicornblossom13]

Wuya [getting a phone call]: Oh, Juno is calling. Give me a second. [answers] Hello?

Juno: Hey, Wuya, do you know how to say corn is Cantonese?

Wuya: Suk mai.

Juno: Haha, suck my nuts! [hangs up]

Wuya [stares at the phone before crushing it in her hand]: Alright, well, I hate her even more than I already did.

[unicornblossom13]

Omi: I am never going to go through puberty.

Juno: Of course you will, baby, but we’re a family of late bloomers. I didn’t until I was fourteen, nor did Chase.

Omi: Why does that matter? I am adopted.

Chase: WHAT?! Oh my Heylin, who told you?!

[unicornblossom13]

[The Xiaolin Warriors were on a quest when they suddenly fell down a deep hole that was covered by a blanket of leaves. They groaned as they regained their senses after hitting the bottom]

Raimundo: What just happened?

Jack: Hey, Xiaolin-Losers!

[The group looks up to see the evil boy genius standing over the hole, holding the Shen Gong Wu they were after]

Jack: You want this Wu? Then you better get up here!

Juno: Come on, kids, give me a boost up.

Raimundo: Can’t we just stay down here where it’s safe?

Juno: No way. That little creep has the Wu and we’ve got to stop him.

[A large wrench suddenly fell on Clay’s head]

Jack: Neofineyin!

Juno: See what I mean, Raimundo?

Clay [dizzily]: Where’s the leak, ma’am?

[They climb out of the hole, their heads sticking out of the edge. Then they saw Jack roll a bowling ball towards them, heading in the cowboy’s direction]

Clay: Yurrgh!

[The bowling ball hits him and he falls back down the hole. A “strike” symbol appears, another one showing up when the bowling ball falls into the hole]

Juno: You okay, Clay?

Clay [painfully]: Finland!

[unicornblossom13]

Juno: You’re a cheating piece of shit!

Chase: And you’re a liar who thinks she can get away with whatever she wants!

Juno: I’m moving out, and I’m taking the kids with me!

Raimundo [sitting at a table with the others and putting away a Monopoly board]: I think we should stop playing now.

[unicornblossom13]

Wuya [drinking from a wine glass]: I’ll f**king kill you.

Juno [drinking from an entire bottle]: Like, how would you kill me?

[unicornblossom13]

[Juno is sitting inside the Sphere of Yun]

Kimiko: Why are you sitting in the Sphere of Yun?

Juno: Oh, my husband is one of the most powerful villains and I’m mad at him.

Kimiko: Oh no!

Chase [barges into the room in humanoid reptile form, slamming his fists against the impenetrable Shen Gong Wu]: Raaaaurgh! You can’t sit inside that Sphere forever!

Juno: You stop doing your blood harvests and THEN we’ll talk!

[unicornblossom13]

Raimundo [turns off the alarm clock set for three AM]: Halloween. Mwahahaha. It’s heist time.

[Raimundo turns around in bed and sees Kimiko, awake and staring at him]

Raimundo: Gah!

Kimiko: Thought you’d get a head start on heist prep? Good luck. [pulls back the covers to reveal she is dressed] I’m already dressed.

Raimundo: Well, I am also dressed. [pulls back covers to reveal his clothes] And I made breakfast. [pulls back the covers again to show an empty plate] Wait, where my eggs?

Juno: In my belly.

[Lamp turns on to reveal Juno sitting in a chair in the corner]

Raimundo and Kimiko: Aaaah!

Juno: Now get a move on! It’s heist time!

Raimundo: Man, I love Halloween!

[unicornblossom13]

Chase: I wasn’t that drunk last night.

Raimundo: You were flirting with Juno.

Chase: So? She’s my wife.

Raimundo: You asked her if she was single. And then cried when she said she wasn’t.

[unicornblossom13]

Juno [talking to Wuya and Jack, who are locked inside a room]: What do you mean the door’s stuck? Try jiggling the handle.

Wuya: There is no handle in here.

Juno [holding the door handle]: There’s not? Are you sure?

[Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay snigger, trying to keep themselves from bursting out in laughter]

Wuya: Alright, I’ve had enough of this. Tell us where the talking dragon is, and we’ll burn your temple to the ground.

Jack: Uh, don’t you mean “or”?

Wuya: Ugh! Tell us where the talking dragon is, OR we’ll burn your temple to the ground.

Kimiko: Well, which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjunction.

Wuya: Agh!

[unicornblossom13]

Chase: There’s something I need to get off my chest.

Juno: Is it your shirt? Please say yes.

[unicornblossom13]

[Juno and Chase are on a quest, but it turns out to be a trap set up by a villain]

Villain: I know you must be confused. The Bloom of Eternal Youth, dead? What if I told you the Bloom never existed at all? And now that I have led you to my nest, I’ll suck all the life out of you to satisfy my unending hunger!

Chase [unphased]: He scammed us. Can you believe he scammed us?

Juno [just as unphased]: I thought there was a 50/50 chance going in. Hard not to admire the tenacity, though.

Chase: Good entrance. But that outfit? Ha!

Juno: Oh, look at his little shoes.

[They laugh as the villain concealed his shoes from view out of embarrassment]

Villain: Maybe you’ve never been led into a lethal trap before, but the response should be, “Ah! No! Spare us!”.

Juno [sharing a quick look and smirk with her husband]: Ah, sure. Spare us. [she took a step forward, cracking her knuckles]

Chase [summoning his weapon]: Woe to us, whose fates are sealed.

Villain [now very scared]: T-T-That’s right, just cower. Cower… [he whimpered and gulped as they advanced on him]

[unicornblossom13]

Juno: You are all grounded… for…

[Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay look at her nervously]

Juno: …til college.

Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, and Clay: For til college?!

Juno: For til college!

[unicornblossom13]

Juno [looking at Chase]: I can’t believe I’m gonna sleep with him.

Raimundo: Well, you don’t have to.

Juno: No, I’m gonna.

[unicornblossom13]

Chase [talking to Juno and Wuya]: I’m going out for a while, you two don’t kill each other while I’m gone.

Juno: Please, we’re not children.

[Chase walks away]

Juno: Eat shit and die.

Wuya: Yes, well, screw you.

[unicornblossom13]

Juno [sitting down and reading a book with Dojo curled up beside her]: Wow, a surprisingly peaceful domestic moment. When will it be ruined?

[The door suddenly crashes open]

Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, and Clay: Juuunnnooo!

Juno: There it is.