#incorrect quotes murder most unladylike

[random-deepdeanite]

the first 20 randomly generated quotes that made sense deepdean girls edition

Amina: Hello friends! The Squad: Amina: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

Hazel: Editor's note: What the fuck?

Daisy: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

Lavinia: How does one turn their emotions off? Kitty: Okay, so first go to settings. Kitty: I'm a fucking idiot, I thought that said emojis at first. Lavinia: No, I'm still willing to try this, go ahead. I'm at settings, what do I do next?

Daisy: I’m a reverse necromancer. Kitty: Isn’t that just killing people? Daisy: Ah, technically.

Hazel: Kill me nowwwww. Lavinia: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

Amina: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? Kitty: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Amina: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Daisy: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Kitty: Those are wanted posters!

Amina: Made you all playlists! Amina: Lavinia, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Amina: Hazel, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Amina: And Daisy has the ABBA Gold album.

Amina: I love murder mysteries! Daisy, trying to impress them: I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Amina: So you like cats? Daisy: Yeah. Amina: tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table

Daisy: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Amina: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Daisy: I said within reason, Amina. How about I murder that guy? Amina: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Daisy: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Kitty: raises eyebrows Hazel: Put those back down!

Kitty: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks. Lavinia: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants.

Amina: That sounds super! Doesn’t that sound super, Lavinia? Lavinia: No. Amina: I think I speak for Lavinia when I say it sounds really super.

Kitty: Where are you going? Daisy: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Hazel: It's not ugly, just aesthetically challenged.

Hazel: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers. Daisy: That sounds like a challenge. Hazel: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. Daisy: …Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! Hazel: There is no challenge!

Beanie: Let me copy your homework. Kitty: I was gonna copy yours. Beanie: Well, shit. Kitty: Guess I'm not doing it.

Daisy: Are pigeons drones? Beanie: What? No, I'm trying to sleep. Daisy: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES! Beanie: Crying Please let me sleep…

[deepdean-detectives]

[million-fandom-eve]

...I'm concerned

Daisy : Died and came back as a cowboy, I call that reincarnation

Daisy : I'd like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals

Daisy : You'll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake

Daisy : When someone points at your black clothes and asks who's funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'haven't decided yet' is typically a good response

Daisy : You seem familiar, have I threatened you before?

Daisy : So apparently the 'bad vibes' I've been feeling are actually psychological distress

Daisy : I’m sick and tired of being asked whether I identify as straight, bi, pan, lesbian and everything else. I IDENTIFY AS A THREAT AND MEANCE TO SOCIETY

[st4rry-sh4rkz]

daisy wells. i rest my case.

[mmufanatic]

Daisy: Oh look, the sky's gay.

Hazel: You mean there's a rainbow?

[control-z-my-decisions]

Daisy Wells: I’ve started my own detective society, solved several murders, I’m an excellent field hockey player, a master of disguise, I can be graceful and adventurous at the same time, I’m well trained in the art of deception-

Bertie Wells: And she was a really chubby baby!

Daisy Wells: SHUT UP! YOU’RE AN IDIOT! SHUT UP!

[wellsandwongdetectivesociety]

Rose, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

May, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Hazel: What in heaven’s name are you girls doing?

May: Playing systemic oppression.

[irene-adlers-gaydar]

Alexander: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Hazel: wHat?

Alexander: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Hazel: Can we go back to the part when you said "When I get murdered"?!

[daisy-and-amina]

amina: hey daisy *licks jam off thumb*

daisy: *turns red and gets flustered* huh?!

istg these two are the definition of confident and panicked gays

[random-deepdeanite]

randomly generated incorrect quotes that i selected because they actually fit the characters cambridge crew edition

Amanda: Good morning! Alfred, checking their watch: Correct.

Alfred: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Amanda, slamming pots and pans together to the rhythm of "Give it to me, I'm worth it": I didn't get no sleep cause a' y'all! Y'all never gonna sleep cause a' me!

Harold: Hello, I'm Harold. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

Henry:If I was married to you I would put poison in your coffee. Amanda: If I was married to you I’d drink it.

Harold: Would you like your pizza cut into six or eight slices, Bertie? Bertie: Oh just six, I don’t think I could eat eight.

Bertie: I’ve never smoked marijuana. I ate a brownie once at a party. It was intense. It was kind of indescribable. I felt like I was floating. Turns out there was no pot in the brownie. It was just an insanely good brownie.

Henry: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something. Bertie: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

Bertie: You know what bothers me? Bats. Why can bats fly? Amanda: Not again! Bertie: No. Seriously, who gave them the right? They're mammals! Mammals walk on land, no exceptions. Alfred: Just wait until you hear about whales. Bertie: What now?

Alfred: fast-forwards all the way through the movie Harold: You can't just skip to the happy ending! Alfred: I don't have time for their problems.

Alfred: If looking good was a crime, you’d be a law abiding citizen.

Amanda: How was your day, Alfred? Alfred: Yeah, fine, it's anti-bullying week at school. Amanda: Oh? And what does that mean? Alfred: It means I can't bully anyone for a whole week.

Amanda: Any idiot would know that. Bertie: I knew that! Amanda: See?

Harold: Why are you like this?? Alfred: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Bertie: I just had a long talk with Henry and Amanda about hitting and now they are yelling “it’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence” before hitting each other.

Amanda: My aesthetic is "would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens."

Bertie: Sleep is the body’s best safety mechanism. Harold: How so? Bertie: It keeps you from screwing up for 8 hours.

Bertie: Yeah, well I've never died so how do I know that god is real.

Bertie: I'm naturally funny because my life is a joke.

[deepdean-detectives]

Lucy: What if right now I'm on the brink of death and everything I'm seeing is my life flashing before my eyes? Felix: Honey you've been awake for 43 hours, please go to sleep

[million-fandom-eve]

Incorrect Quote

Lavinia, holding a python: Guys, I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him? Beanie: You did WHAT- kitty: William Snakespeare

[sorceress-of-the-barrel]

Daisy: Ew Hazel why do you like Alexander his arms are too long, boys are just eugh, I'd rather be single

Hazel: *annoyed*

*Enter Martita*

Daisy: Hold up a sec-

[fei-rest]

Alexander: I get tongue tied around Hazel because she is so smart. Either that or I'm not used to the pressure of being taller than someone.

[arsenic-for-tea]

Hazel: so if our plan goes badly, where should we meet up?

Daisy: heavan, i guess

[snekjoemrcookie]

Daisy, to Hazel and Alexander: if babies are so great, how come they can’t make grilled cheese?