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#including where someone lives and what types of prejudices are expressed there
starswallowingsea · 1 year
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looking at the notes of that last poll was a mistake
#shay speaks#something something the concept of race is actually incredibly useless in these types of contexts because its way more complicated#than people would like to believe it is. and its going to be different depending on a lot of factors#including where someone lives and what types of prejudices are expressed there#ie someone can look white (like the saami people of northern europe) to an american but be treated as not white by the people in their hom#e countries.#also biological race isnt a thing and the perpetuation of it as a concept within medical and political spheres is actively perpetuating#racism and the enforcement of social race and to dismantle the race concept we still have a long way to go#anyway i think race as a concept is fucking bullshit so i wouldnt vote in that poll anyway (i didnt lmao bc its complicated)#is it something that affects people? absolutely racism is real and a systemic problem that is built on the race concept#and in order to get to the root of the problem we have to essentially eliminate that concept of race in the first place which is. a long lo#g way off and probably wont happen in our lifetimes but we can work towards that end goal#<- all of this is not even close to my entire thoughts on this but you cannot just say its an easy yes or no question#bc while i am white enough people wont think much of me until i mention being indigenous#and then the treatment entirely flips because now people have a whole bunch of other thoughts on my appearance
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delirium-mind · 1 year
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How did you find out that you also like girls. Was it hard for you to accept that part of you?
It was always something that was kind of there. When I grew up and hit that stage that we all do where we start to be curious sexually, I was exposed to erotica type blogs and stories because ya know...parents didn't monitor us. But anyways, I found stories about girls having their first lesbian experiences. And it fascinated me, but I always kept it a secret and never really..I guess acknowledged what that part of me was or that it was real. As I've grown up its popped up here and there in various was (my attraction to women) and I had a few very minor experiences. I still wouldn't really acknowledge it though, I kept only really considering men. But I reached this point where ..I'm not sure. I guess I saw it around me enough that it was so normalized. It stopped feeling like a dirty secret I've had since I was a child and just felt like..yeah I love people and that can also include women.
It was definitely..confusing and difficult. I was raised in a household in a time where I wasn't always aware of what it was to be gay, and when I first learned what gay was it was..scandalous taboo..wrong or dirty. I have a gay cousin, and it just wasn't something we ever really acknowledged. And behind his back, or when he stirred up trouble (he did a lot, nothing to do with being gay) his gayness was used to be a mark against him. Even when eventually I did theatre and befriended many gay people, even my family befriending some of them...still gayness was not something truly accepted to be ok. Still people would support anti gay politics and beliefs. So it felt like a dirty shameful thing for a long time that I had these feelings. I kept them to myself for so many years and never really explored them for ages. I just felt like I had so many different pressures from everyone to fit a mold, an idea they had of who I should be and I was constantly breaking every single one of them and being such a disappointment. The disappointment was always ill recieved. I couldn't wear what I wanted, my self expression and discovery was completely controlled and cut off. I wasn't about to also add this to that mix. I lived online though, IMVU and shit. I had several long distance relationships, which did include women. It took years of my adult life to really figure out who I am and in truth I feel like I'm still settling in.
Theres obviously the stigma and prejudice, especially from older generations and family. People being scared of unknown, different, unpredictable or what they believe to be so horribly offensive to their own religious beliefs. I grew up in a very complicated and abusive household so I was also in no hurry to make anything worse. But I was also so used to being rejected or whatever for other parts of myself. I'm short, I have big boobs, eczema..crazy hair. Piercings. Colorful hair. Tattoos. I dress differently, I have always been different, in a million different ways and I guess I finally was like.. fuck it. A million and one wont mean shit.
I think that accepting I was attracted to women, and that it was ok ..was more about accepting that some people wouldn't agree, and that it was still ok anyways. That I am not here to please others. My purpose is to please myself, to do what makes me happy not what makes others feel comfortable.
It was hard because of the insecurity, the fear of others reactions or possible rejection of me. In the end of it all, your happiness is yours and it's all about what makes you feel good and happy. Not what others will judge to be right or wrong. And if you, or I kept/continue to live in fear of that, refusing to love and accept and embrace these parts of ourselves..then we will be destroying our own potential for love and joy. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who disagrees with your choices. Do not let them ruin your happiness. We all already have so much struggle and pain, don't add to it unnecessarily. Love is magic, and everybody deserves it.
**addition
I also have several health problems. I almost died, several times. The first at 15. I became aware of my own mortality very early and how important and fragile my my life is. How easy it can disappear, and how much I felt like I almost missed out ever having the chance to feel or do or see or say. Suddenly pleasing others started to matter less and less. In the grandscheme...the opinions of others hardly mean shit. Especially when most of the time they aren't going to stick around when I need a safe place, protection or support..so on and so on. And as for family or specifically parents..their job is to love you. Unconditionally. If they cant love and accept me as I am, thats their failure. Not mine.
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truelymarry · 2 years
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Government Service Matrimony – Reclaim Your Right to Marry
Government service matrimony is a unique form of matrimony that is specifically designed for those who serve in various branches of government. As the name implies, this type of matrimony provides government workers with the chance to find their life partners through an open system that doesn't limit them to their existing social circles. This type of matrimony recognizes the unique needs of the government service sector and offers a safe and secure way for like-minded public servants to find true love.
At its core, government service matrimony is simple: it provides a platform for potential partners to find one another without any prejudice or discrimination based on caste, class, or other factors. By removing these barriers, government service matrimony allows much greater freedom of choice for those looking for their ideal life partner. This eliminates any potential hindrances to finding the right person and allows people to make informed decisions about choosing their spouse.
The process works much like any other type of matrimony, where interested individuals register their details on an online portal and have access to potential matches from around the country. The site then runs advanced algorithms to match people based on various compatibility criteria. Those matches are then presented to both parties for vetting before any further steps are taken. Once both parties are satisfied with the match, communication channels can be opened for further conversations and eventual marriage.
The main advantage of government service matrimony is that it removes the need for family recommendations that can often be a hindrance in more traditional forms of matrimony. Since this type of matrimony operates independently outside of family networks, it ensures that everyone involved has access to a fair and open system where they can make their own decisions about choosing a partner without worrying about outside interference or judgment. It also helps to build bridges between different communities by allowing people from all walks of life to find their ideal match without worrying about the limitations normally imposed by caste and class boundaries. This creates greater social harmony between different groups and adds an extra layer of security for those who are looking for someone special in their lives.
Government service matrimony also offers a wide range of services that make it easier for public servants to find their life partners. This includes providing counseling services for those who may be looking for guidance on how to approach marriage or suggesting various marriage-related services such as wedding planners, music bands, and so forth. The site also offers helpful advice on how to conduct oneself during marriage rituals and ceremonies so that everyone involved feels comfortable and at ease throughout the entire process.
What's more, many government service matrimony sites also offer specialized services related to multicultural marriages. Since many public servants end up marrying outside of their own cultures due to work-related commitments or personal preferences, these sites provide additional support on how to navigate this tricky terrain when it comes time for the actual wedding day. In addition, many sites even offer pre-wedding counseling services so that both parties are aware of what they're getting themselves into before committing themselves fully to each other permanently. This is just another example of how government service matrimony works hard to make sure that everyone involved has the best experience possible when it comes time for them to tie the knot!
The bottom line is that government service matrimony is an incredibly useful tool for those looking for true love no matter what profession or walk of life they may come from or belong in. It provides a safe platform where people can express themselves openly, find compatible matches from any background, and learn about how best to approach marriage in an informed manner. No matter what your current relationship status may be right now, government service matrimony is here to offer you a helping hand in making sure that you reclaim your right to marry who you choose without fear or judgment!
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himitsu-luna · 4 years
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Headcanon
⸰ֺ⭑Nct 127 - Ideal types⭑ֺ⸰
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❥︎𑁍 Taeil
Someone like the moon. Serene, a comforting presence, humble, but that still possesses various interesting facets and is able to light the darkest room. Someone with a magnetic aura, whose presence is subtle, but when they are not around, they are definetely missed. Someone soft who inspire romantic thoughts and actions. Someone cute but that doesn't realize it. Someone silly who makes him smile and laugh at the smallest things, that vibes with him in a deeper level. Someone simple, as chill as him, as free spirited as him, who will be up to do anything with him. Someone who has the ability to make the most complicated thing look easy, that can vanish any bad feelings with a reassuring smile or touch. Someone that appreciates his entire being and all of his perfect imperfections.
❥︎𑁍 Johnny
Someone like the sun. Spontaneous, warm, bright, inviting, that makes him feel that life would be impossible without them. Someone that smiles a lot and laughs easily, that is kind of random. Someone visionary, free, that just catches his hand and says "let's go!". Someone who is genuine in everything they do and say, that sees no problem in saying "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong". Someone hardworking, that works more for others than for themselves. Someone with whom he can have cheesy pick up lines battles and that can make him flustered at the end. Someone that has firm steps and knows where they are going, that has a broad vision of life. Someone balanced, 50% emotional and 50% rational.
❥︎𑁍 Taeyong
Someone like a lighthouse. Always there to guide him, to show him that he is not alone, to show him the way when he feels lost, someone he knows that will be there for him, waiting for him at that same spot, with unchanged feelings. Someone dependable and reliable, with a motherly instinct, but that still has their inner child jumping and playing at times. Someone wise, from whom he can always learn a new thing. Someone that can make him slow down sometimes to enjoy a peaceful afternoon. Someone that can read, match and change his moods, that knows exactly what to do in every situation, that makes him feel safe and understood. Someone that goes to him with open arms and always listen to him before listening to anyone else.
❥︎𑁍 Yuta
Someone like a painting. Expressive, colorful, admirable, interesting, full of layers, that show themselves completely, but there's always some detail yet to be discovered if you look at them from a different angle. Someone fair, just, loyal, that kind of person that you can trust completely. Someone that actually doesn't fall for his pranks, because they are always one step ahead. Someone playful, sincere, open minded, free of judgements, that just want people to be happy and prays everyday for this world to get peace. Someone who matches his intensity, but is far from being competitive. Someone strong, maybe tough, but that has soft spots for a lot of cute little things. Someone kind and generous, that is always ready to help others.
❥︎𑁍 Doyoung
Someone like a precious crystal. Beautiful, transparent, formed with a lot of patience, that takes the hardships in life to become a better person, that seems delicate but is actually very strong, extremely precious and valuable in every way. Someone with an extremely good heart and a charming great mind. Someone who forgives easily, even though they shouldn't. Someone who is good with words, that expresses themselves well, that is honest with their feelings and share them with him. Someone who has the sense of commitment and give their all in the relationship. Someone who gets along with his family and friends. Someone who has eyes just for him, that is his supporting system, his number one fan, that recognizes all of his efforts. Someone who truly listen to others and keep in their hearts everyone's story.
❥︎𑁍 Jaehyun
Someone like an old love song. Filled with tender emotions, ageless, classic, someone who evoque sweet memories everytime he looks at them, someone who validates his thoughts and feelings. Someone who makes him miss them, that makes him smile with just one text message. Someone that doesn't push or rush him, that is in the same wavelenght as him, that walk in the same pace as him, that makes him feel comfortable and relaxed, that brings harmony to his life. Someone encouraging, that makes him gladly go out of his comfort zone sometimes. Someone entertaining, creative, that comes up with the most brilliant and funny thoughts from time to time. Someone fascinating, charming, passionate, that speaks with their whole body when they get excited.
❥︎𑁍 Winwin
Someone like the ocean. Deep, pacific, that makes him feel free and calm, that has the strong power to pull him to them, that gives him that feeling that the world is huge and there's so many things he doesn't know yet . Someone who gets his walls down, that makes him wanting to be the chaser. Someone who accepts him, who understands him, who doesn't suffocate or pressure him on acting in a certain way. Someone considerate, respectful, a gentle and ethereal soul. Someone that people may label as traditional, but that has a truly rich inner world, that they share only with him. Someone that quietly takes care of him just for the sake of caring, without any greed or second intentions.
❥︎𑁍 Jungwoo
Someone like a flower. Sweet, unique, fresh, that attracts people to them, fill everyone with happiness and with the feeling that at the end things will be alright and that life is indeed beautiful and worth living. Someone supportive, that will stay by his side and will make him their priotity. Someone who shows unconditional trust on him, on his feelings, on his thoughts, that makes him feel confident about himself. Someone with a hint of a genius mind, that can follow his thoughts, and that has thousands of hobbies, because they like to keep their mind running. Someone who won't deny his affection and will give him all the hugs he needs.
❥︎𑁍 Mark
Someone like the sky. Pure, sincere, soft, clear, that shelters everybody under their veil with no prejudice, that makes him want to fly high. Someone easy to deal with, that doesn't like conflicts, but that also knows how to protect themselves and the ones that need to be protected. Someone who gets involved in his daily life, that shows interest in the things he does. Someone empathetic, positive, cute, kind, soft spoken, that sees the bright side of the world. Someone who feels like a best friend, that greet him with a high five followed by a sweet little peck. Someone overall calm and chill, but that also has lots of chaotic moments that makes him burst into giggles.
❥︎𑁍 Haechan
Someone like the stars. Cute, special, lovely, that shines on their own and helps others find their own light, that is there even if you don't see them, that makes his eyes sparkle. Someone as wild as him, as intelligent as him, that thinks quick and acts quicker. Someone sweet and friendly, that makes sure everyone feels included. Someone who recognizes him and takes him seriously, that talks to him about any subject: politics, food, tv shows, science, business, everything. Someone affectionate, that hugs him, kisses him, that says him at the end of the day "You did great!". Someone that gently point him his hits and misses, that is always leading him to improvement. Someone mature yet carefree, funny and bubbly at their core.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
•° Anon, here is your request! I hope you like it! (I'm not actually satisfied with it, maybe I'll change it in the future, but feel free to give me a feedback! )✨
•° taglist - @starrdustville @mairah-shaikh @cupidluvstarrz @kpopsnowball @kaepopsicle
* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (。•̀ᴗ-)✧
•° Masterlist
...
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writingwithcolor · 4 years
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Elderly Black man with autism and anxiety
@xcherry-popx asked: 
I have a Black man in my story. Some main features of him include 1) being an older (60+?) man and 2) being rather nervous (and likely having anxiety). I've also considered him having autism, but I wanted to handle the anxious aspect first since it will be more prominent.
when creating him, I started out with the idea of an anxious older man and then decided on race. I'm still working on how his anxiety tends to manifest, but my current thoughts include some anger (not violence) and self-soothing in ways like running his hands through his hair. [autism + anxiety is ownvoices]
my main concerns are that:
     A) having his anxiety manifest in anger could be seen as an Angry Black Man, even if he doesn’t hurt anyone (this is in a story where there are some incidents where someone is attacked by someone else, so its not as if his anger is being toned down for the audience)
    B) his anxiety-autism could be seen as infantilizing him (its not immediately obvious, and he is seen as a father figure by many of the other characters. he will probably mostly grow stronger on his own rather than relying on the rest of the cast [if he does use their help, its more indirect, such as someone’s courage inspiring him or another nervous character working through their problems together])
I haven't heard a whole lot about 'weak’ (used very loosely here) Black man stereotypes, but i wanted to double-check since i know i dont have a whole lot of experience
Do you think he may come across as an 'infantilized Black man’ stereotype, or to a lesser extent, an 'Angry Black Man’ stereotype?  
[ask trimmed due to length]
The possibility that he’s undiagnosed 
Depending on the context of the story, it wouldn’t surprise me if his autism and anxiety went undiagnosed (mental health can be a taboo among some Black communities). So one of the questions is : does he know or not ? 
Dealing with emotions / how he handles things
Also it’s hard to deal with really strong feelings, sometimes irrational when you don’t know why you react like that. Being undiagnosed could explain his anger. But judging by his age, he could have learned to live with it ? We don’t know his personality and his life so it’s hard to tell.
Also, I don’t see anything wrong with not being strong or just having weaknesses. It’s human. You just have to take your character’s past into consideration when writing about it, but the rule for the story is that he must evolve. It doesn't mean he should finish entirely strong, without any weaknesses. It’s all about change and being a better person (or not, it depends on your themes and the message you want to convey). 
He hates being helped ? He learns to accept it and ask for help when needed. This is evolving. He could also find a relieving practice to sooth his anger, or that helps him control his emotions. This is evolving too. Or it could get worse, he could totally close up to the others because of the frustration of not being understood, of feeling weak for needing help. That’s life. He’s old and sometimes, people just stop trying. But again, I don’t know what your story is about so I can’t tell you if you should go towards a positive or negative character’s arc. Just remember : it’s all about his evolution.
Anyway, there’s only one thing that will probably prevent you from falling into stereotypes : make him as human as you can, with all his qualities and flaws.
- Mod Lydie
First of all, I second everything Lydie said, especially that first paragraph.
Undiagnosed (potentially) & coping
Being able to write part of this character from experience will be helpful, but you noticed correctly, being a Black man on top of that does have an impact. Like Lydie mentioned, he could easily have gone undiagnosed. There is a taboo in some Black communities, but keep in mind misdiagnoses and lack of professional support can happen as well. Though there are great psychologists out there, there are also those who will be influenced by racial prejudices, who simply won’t take people seriously, and Autism is still poorly understood outside of stereotypes a lot as well.
Going undiagnosed or even just a late diagnosis really impacts a lot of one’s experiences growing up and how you see yourself. It could be another deeply influential part of his identity that mixes things up again so do keep in mind if this is the case for him. Especially when he’s reached 60+, comorbid is very common aside from the anxiety (depression and C-PTSD come to mind). Not that you need to put those in there, especially because it really depends on his background and direct support group, but something to keep in mind as you further flesh your character out.
At such an advanced age one will probably have learned to mask a lot (though a turn to masking less can be seen in older people, especially men, as well). They might have grown used to being different, including feeling misunderstood, frustrated, could become withdrawn or a people pleaser as a coping mechanism, but all of this is all highly dependent on their character as well as their experiences. 
Dealing with his anger & stereotypes 
Thinking outside of the box of how anger can manifest could help as well. Sometimes people express their anger in less obvious ways, or the anger could be hidden under a secondary emotion. His anxiety and Autism will probably be affected by each other as well. Like sensory overload coming hand in hand with anxiety attacks of one leading to the other.
Your concern for having him turn into or interpreted as an angry Black man stereotype is something to look out for. Make sure you fully develop his character, show him to be multifaceted, and give him agency.
I personally don’t see how he’d be seen as infantilized as you described him in your concern B paragraph. It sounds to me like he’s doing to opposite, trying to be hyper self-reliant, but yeah, depending on how you let his anxiety and autism manifest, it could be an issue. It’s hard to really say a lot more than this without more specifics.
Characterization 
To me, this character comes across as one who could have a lot of depth and complexity to him. He would be flawed, he would be interesting, could easily be made relatable as well. But as you guessed, it will take work, care and research to pull him off without falling into potential pitfalls. Having weaknesses and having your character grow is a good thing (and mentioning for anyone who needs to hear it: Autism and Anxiety are in itself not character flaws or weaknesses, but they can lead to someone manifesting them). This is not only due to the stereotypes, but also because there’s not that much rep out there and you will be battling against ingrained biases and stigma as well. 
That said, this is the type of character I always look forward to reading. 
- Alice
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layercake · 4 years
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Why Naoto is Heavily Trans Coded, and How The Discussion Surrounding Him Needs to Change
Hello, I’ve never written or posted anything like this before LOL so this is a bit daunting. But this subject is something that’s been bothering me for a long time, and I wanted to get it out somewhere. So let’s talk about how Naoto Shirogane is heavily trans coded, and how the fandom has a problematic culture surrounding the issue that really needs to change.
Tw // discussion of misogyny , transphobia , and mentions of harassment
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Initial Shadow Confrontation 
Since the discussion is most often about what’s “canon” and what’s not, let’s first take a look at what the game actually does give us about Naoto’s character. During the confrontation with Naoto’s shadow, we learn that Naoto idolized detectives as a kid, and wanted to be one himself when he was older.
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However, this posed a problem for him in multiple ways. One, he was (is) still a child, and the people in his field don’t take him seriously because of it. He tries desperately to escape this fact, to try and act as mature as possible, but ultimately he can’t change how others will perceive him at his age.
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This is what the shadow confrontation focuses on most heavily. But then it switches to discussing the other part of the issue-- the fact that Naoto’s ideal image of a detective is a man, and he “isn’t.” 
At the end, Yukiko says “You must know already that what you yearn for isn’t to become an adult or to become a boy,” and Naoto accepts it. This is what most people point to when saying that Naoto can’t be trans, because he agrees that it wasn’t what he wished for. So, easy, right? If you take this as him telling the truth, then it looks like an open and shut case-- he isn’t trans. But Naoto’s actions don’t really fit what he says here. 
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The issue starts with these next lines (below) in particular. To me, Naoto’s tone in the first line is regretful, and doesn’t strike me as a sentiment someone who is cisgender would necessarily hold. Why would he want to “change into a man?” To fit his ideal image of a detective? As he says here, yes.
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(Real quick before I continue, it’s not clear in the dialogue screenshot but it’s important to note that Naoto does say “yes” to Yukiko’s question about him not liking being a girl. He nods his head)
The narrative that the game tries to go with after this is that the “ideal image” Naoto wanted to live up to, including the male aspect of it, was unattainable and formed primarily because he felt that was the only way he could be a detective. 
But, is this really that much of a problem? We all look up to certain types of people, people that we want to be like-- and for many, this can factor into gender identity as well. If Naoto really just wanted to be a cool, male detective, that doesn’t at all negate that being trans would be a part of that for him. 
Naoto’s other words and actions, as well as the framing of this scene as a whole, make the scenario feel a lot less believable to me for multiple reasons. Naoto never initiates the conversation that him wanting to be a boy is incorrect-- Yukiko does. Naoto isn’t even the one to trigger his shadow-- Kanji does that. Naoto had a lot less agency in a lot of these decisions than the other characters did with their shadows. 
Naoto’s Continued Actions
The fragility of the narrative Atlus put together for Naoto continues to grow throughout the rest of the game, due to the way he behaves after the initial shadow confrontation.
For starters, it’s implied that Naoto is not his birth name, something that i think a lot of people either miss or forget about-- and yet he continues to go by it throughout the course of the game. We never find out his deadname and he never expresses a desire to share it with anybody.
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The day after the “reveal,” Naoto doesn’t change anything about his appearance, mannerisms, or how he presents himself. He honestly seems uncomfortable with the fact that everyone has found out, in a way that felt much like being outed to the whole school, as opposed to finally being seen and accepted for who you “really” are.
I understand that such a drastic shift in people’s perception of you would be overwhelming to anybody, no matter if you were cis or not. But if Atlus really wanted to hone in on the idea that Naoto was happy about this change, they could’ve at least made him…. Well, happy about it. Even if it was just a small smile, just a tiny indication of relief even despite how hard it will be to adjust, it would’ve made it at least a little more believable that this is what he really wanted.
But that’s not the case. Instead, he’s uncomfortable, he still binds, he still wears the school’s male uniform, and he still goes by Naoto. The only time any of this actually changes is if you as the protagonist push him to, which… is a whole other mess.
The fact that Naoto has even gotten to this point, though, speaks more volumes to me than anything else. Passing is not easy. Coming out is not easy. Naoto would have had to go through difficult lengths in order to get not only his school, but the country and media to see him as a man.  He’s a well-known "detective prince".. someone was bound to look up his records and find out about it. That's a huge risk to take.
In addition to this, he binds. He goes by masculine pronouns and a masculine name. He very audibly changes his voice to be more masculine. I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is just…. not something cis people do? At least not comfortably. 
In fact, doing all of this would have been incredibly uncomfortable for Naoto if he was cis. As someone who experiences dysphoria, looking like and being seen as a gender you are not can be really, really painful. If transitioning was something he really didn’t want, why would he put himself through all of that? Was it really to escape misogyny? Me asking this isn’t minimizing the issue at all, because I understand that it’s incredibly serious and hard for countless women. But I would generally think someone’s first reaction to facing misogyny isn’t to… completely change their identity and present as a different gender.
On top of being probably the hardest option of escaping misogyny available to him, and one of the most uncomfortable, presenting as a man doesn’t necessarily get rid of any prejudices Naoto may face. In fact, I would argue that it’s considerably more dangerous. Especially in a rural town like Inaba, where people seem to not really understand or approve of being LGBT. Naoto is smart, he would have thought of all of this. So why?
Inherent Transphobia of Naoto’s Arc 
There is something to be said about how much misogyny is present in Japan’s workforce, especially in fields like Naoto’s, and the importance there is in discussing that. The base idea behind his struggles and message isn’t inherently a bad one, but the way the game went about it was problematic because it put down transgender identities in the process.
The first time I watched Naoto’s shadow confrontation, it was really distressing to me. The game continuously repeats the idea that you can’t “cross the barrier of the sexes,” that Naoto “can never really be a man,” and  that “you can change your name, but you can never change who you “really” are.” I hope I don’t need to explain why this is a problem.
Naoto’s wish to be a man, regardless of what was driving it, is depicted as something temporary and childish. Something that Naoto “didn’t really want,”  something that was just an excuse to run away from the misogyny he was facing. Even if it was unintentional, this message is incredibly harmful to transgender people.
It would have been a better and much more coherent message about misogyny if the writers had steered clear of trans themes entirely. In fact, I think they did so well with Sae’s character in Persona 5-- she’s in the same field of work, facing very similar struggles, but she doesn’t react in the same way as Naoto at all. 
Kanji and Homophobia 
It’s even worse that Naoto’s “reveal,” on top of being problematic by itself, is used as a method to bury Kanji’s exploration of his own sexuality. The problems with Kanji’s own shadow are bad enough to warrant their own long rant, but the reveal that Naoto was “really a girl” this whole time allows the story to completely wave off his gayness for good.
This isn’t something unique to this game-- the trope of “two boys fall in love, but one of them turns out to be a girl so it’s fine” has been used numerous times in other media to explore the topic half-assedly. It plays with the “exoticness” or “drama” of a gay romance, but backs off at the end in order to uphold societal norms and prevent backlash. 
This doesn’t really give any kind of good commentary on gay relationships, nor does it depict them in a positive or helpful manner. It isn’t something that these games should be getting kudos for doing. 
Misogyny?
I think there’s also something to be said about how poignantly bad Atlus is at really tackling the problem of misogyny. It tries, especially with characters like Ann and Sae, and in certain aspects it can succeed. But then they have scenes like the pageant and Every Beach Scene Ever, where the women are forced to wear swimsuits or revealing clothing against their will, or their bodies are talked about without their consent. There is consistently a character in each persona game who is forced to do the whole misogynistic dipshit gimmick that’s supposed to be funny-- Junpei, Yosuke, Teddie, Morgana, Ryuji-- and while this is obviously not a Persona specific problem by a longshot, it’s still indicative of how unsuccessful these games often are in delivering the message that society’s systemic misogyny is an issue.
This is something I think about a lot when people try and argue that Naoto’s story can’t be about him being trans because it’s “an important message about misogyny.” Atlus often doesn’t deliver on such stories already, and they certainly didn’t with Naoto. As soon as Naoto returns to “living as a woman” he’s subjected to the same misogyny that the other girls are. His chest is commented on, he’s forced to be in the beauty pageant, he’s made uncomfortable in the bath scenes-- really, all Atlus did after the reveal was make the problem worse for him. 
On top of this, his story never actually meaningfully tackles the problem of misogyny in the detective force. It’s not a major part of his social link or the general plot of the game-- honestly, it’s barely even touched on at all after the initial confrontation. Thus, the idea that “Naoto can’t be trans because it erases a story about misogyny” is just plain untrue. There never was a coherent one in the first place.
Problems Within the Fandom
Despite all of this, there is such an intense backlash from the majority of the fandom if anybody dares to bring up these issues with Naoto’s story. Naoto being trans is generally seen as something ridiculous and stupid, or something to insult and mock people for.
I understand that there's always going to be people who say provocative stuff like this, no matter what anyone does, and that it’s not something exclusive to this particular fandom or character. But the problem is that this rhetoric isn't just from them anymore--the consensus among so much of the fandom seems to be either that Naoto absolutely cannot be trans, or that speaking about it at all is "annoying discourse" and taboo. Even from fans that are LGBT or allies themselves. 
This in and of itself is such a telling thing to me. if you find yourself getting angry about the subject, really ask yourself why. Is it such a problem for people to reclaim a transphobic story? Is it such a problem for a character to be trans in the first place?  There is room for discussion and nuance regarding this situation, but we have to make it for ourselves. We can accept that Atlus’s base game will never actually give us a coherent story about either misogyny nor being transgender with Naoto’s story. But petty arguments and insults thrown at people who bring up this topic isn’t any of that-- it’s just poorly masked transphobia. 
So at the end of the day, no, Naoto being is trans is not “canon.” Of course Naoto would not actually be allowed to be trans, he is a main character in a game series where the only explicitly LGBT characters have been consistently buried, stereotyped, or demonized with only a few rare exceptions.
Yes, you’re allowed to headcanon whatever you want about him. I can’t stop you from wanting a story about misogyny, or from seeing Naoto’s gender as something more fluid than I do. But you can’t ignore the fact that his story, as written in canon, is laden with transphobia despite its intentions. It’s not a ridiculous or harmful thing for trans people to want to reclaim that.
There are still a lot more issues with how Naoto is treated in the game-- especially in his romance route-- but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not ready to unpack today lol
Hopefully all of this made sense though, and feel free to bring up anything else I may have missed or point out any issues you might have with it :-) Thanks for reading!
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uwua3 · 4 years
Text
a3! as genshin impact characters
🌸🌻🍁❄️ all troupes
author’s note: all twenty-nine (29) playable characters are included in this post! some boys have two characters associated with them ✺(^▽^✺) ✺(^O^)✺ (✺^▽^)✺ (if you’d like me to elaborate or anything, please ask!!! this was so hard ╥﹏╥)
word count: 5,012
🌸 SPRING 💗
1. SAKUMA SAKUYA
♡ RAZOR + TRAVELER — the heroes who will save the world with their love alone
everything they do is out of love. to destroy or create, it all has the same source: the pure love from their hearts
they work hard every day to protect the ones they love no matter what. they’re the first to stand in front of you, ready to sacrifice their life to make sure you see another day
would go to the ends of the earth to save you. no continent is too big for them to travel across. if they can find you, all those years would be worth every moment
they wouldn’t hesitate to assist a stranger in need even if it cost him their life. friend or foe, they are a friend to all because they only see good until proven wrong
has the natural ability to make everyone want to root for them. you can’t help but believe in them against all odds!
has the biggest heart to take everyone in despite having their own burdens — has lost everything but still loves unconditionally because they never want anyone to experience the heartbreak they did
believes in lupical = fated family (knows family comes first at the end of the day, blood-related or not)
2. USUI MASUMI
♡ DILUC + XINYAN — the outcasts who would do anything for their inner circle
the first to run into battle for the people who have earned their lifelong loyalty
longs for the embrace of parents who are never coming back for them. even if the parents left first, a part they desperately try to hide wishes that they’d prove them wrong and come back. it’s a hopeless case...
despite presenting themselves as standoffish and blunt, the general public still admires them for their natural skill & ability. it doesn’t matter what they do, their background actions are more than enough to redeem their somewhat problematic attitude
devoted to mankai/mondstadt’s safety even if they won’t admit it. they’re the last to verbalize their concerns because they’ll fix it without telling anyone
difficult to get to open up; expresses their loyalty through meaningful actions instead of words
finds comfort in music regardless of how popular/trendy it is. as long as it makes them forget the judgmental world around them, that’s all they need
challenges prejudices by being upfront and confrontational about their opinions even in the face of criticism
3. MINAGI TSUZURU
♡ MONA + JEAN — the prodigies who have something to prove to themselves
extremely talented but receives little to no recognition for it/taken for granted
overwork themselves to find worth in their existences; see their actions as proof of deserving good things — if they’re not working, why would they deserve to take care of themselves?
would rather pass out before ever asking someone else for assistance; their independence is both their greatest strength and weakness
are always involved in any type of situation because they’re insistent on finding a solution (automatically feel responsible for other people’s problems). as a result, they often pass boundaries without realizing because they’re too curious and care too much
regardless, they’re a person of their word and can be counted on at any given time. they can have a full schedule but they’ll still put you on top of their list
the older sibling type who can scold their subordinates very effectively (listening to them lecture is tiring, but all of it is true and they always mean well) — can play the guilt card too well and becomes satisfied when people admit they’re right
becomes uncharacteristically quiet and at a loss of words when they realize they’re necessary to their company (people often forget they’re real people just like us)
4. CHIGASAKI ITARU
♡ ALBEDO + KAEYA — the two-faced mysteries who keep running from their past
no one will ever truly know who they are past their facade, and that’s how they want it
their past is indistinguishable at best, they’ll take the secrets of their harrowing and misunderstood history to the grave
no matter what their reasons are, they’re an enigma. they can adapt to any social situation possible with ease and charm everyone in the room to take the side of a stranger. it’s a blessing and a curse to be so well-liked and unknowable
their relationships are mainly acquaintances; it’s nearly impossible for people to maintain close contact with them. they’re like impersonal ghosts who appear right when you need them (they’re there at your worsts and bests, but no where in between)
whether it’s at the top of dragonspine or down below in mondstadt, you can always find them in isolation, where they dedicate themselves to a hobby of theirs to ignore the voices of their past. yet, oddly enough, no matter how caught up they are in their work, they’ll always sense when a person sneaks into their room
their words are carefully chosen and rarely are they impulsive, unless at their wits end and exhausted from maintaing a mask all this time. if they do happen to break character, they’ll apologize the best way they know how to: insincerely
it seems like nothing can crack their carefully formulated exterior, until a genuine act of good is done for them, then you might be able to catch a true smile from them
5. CITRON
♡ AMBER — the story-teller who is a friend to all no matter what
it doesn’t matter if you’re an outsider or not, you will always be accepted by them for who you are
they’re the type to cheer the loudest for you at an event you’re losing in, because there’s never a doubt in their mind you’ll win
always updated on intel and information on every person around them for some reason. the stories they tell are sometimes so strange, bizzare, and far-fetched that it’s hard to believe. yet, it’s often true because they genuinely have no reason to lie
prepared to take on any challenging task due to their unstoppable efforts! for any obstacle they face, they’re doing it with unparalled energy and enthusiasm (even if they do it wrong)
popular with strangers and has the special talent of making people warm up to them quickly. they’re easily recognizable from people you’ve never even seen before on the streets and they never forget a face! they have no problem recalling names with a big smile
used to doing things by the handbook and often requires assistance when making decisions not based on rules. can unintentionally cause problems when acting on impulse, which only further encourages them to explore more
despite being a friendly (albeit naive) person, they’re extremely capable and much more perceptive than anyone would think. they catch details first but misinterpet them depending on the person. they’re just too blinded by their belief in everyone!
🌻 SUMMER 💛
6. SUMERAGI TENMA
♡ XIANGLING + DIONA — the passionate hot-heads who will beat any challenge
watch out for them because they’re ready to burst at any given moment or time! anything can set these firecrackers off; they’re a fuse that’s always lit
in no way do they intend to hurt other people’s feelings, but their competitive streak and fatal flaw of doing anything on a dare make them problematic to some
yet, it’s hard to dislike them when they’re so skilled and talented. whatever they set their mind to, they execute it the best and add their own flavor to it! they impress crowds with their fiery nature and bold approach to life, they’re a force to be reckoned with
it’s even more impressive considering how young they are. they’re so sure of themselves and present their ego confidently, knowing what they like and dislike. it’s such a convincing act, almost everyone would buy it
while these constant competitions to better themselves may make them seem self-centered, it only proves they can’t win it all. when they try to care for others, it comes off as awkward when out of their field of expertise. if they can’t offer advice on their speciality, it’s suddenly foreign to them
they seek your attention and validation, even if they know they’re good. they offer to escort you home even if there are street lights and become quickly embarrassed and in denial if you bring it up. they’re trying their best, they just don’t know how to be a good friend when they’ve been a great entertainer their whole life
they’re doing their best no matter what! they are always working on being the best versions of themselves even if they jump into challenges head-first. they do so because they know they’ll win, it’s a confidence that burns red hot
7. RURIKAWA YUKI
♡ KEQING — the skeptic who never settles for less
their standards are the highest anyone has ever seen, yet they pass them every single time
as a perfectionist, they will never do less than their fair share of work for as long as they live. they expect themselves to be ten times better than the average human because they know their own capabilities
they’re relentless and unmovable, as solid as a rock. they won’t stop at a task, no matter how big or small it is, until it’s perfectly complete and ready to be presented. they take pride in their work and demand others to be respectful of their efforts
they live honestly and in the most straightforward manner possible. there’s no question about their beliefs or values because they wear it proudly like a badge
even if their society looks down on them for it, they’ll always speak their mind and will never be silenced. they expect others to do the same and have a distaste for fakeness in all forms
aren’t afraid of self-reflection and instrospection; although it may take a bit, they’ll eventually admit their inaccuracy and will do anything to correct themselves if proven wrong
use their downtime by shopping and exploring what the shops have to offer. they know exactly what they’re looking for and hardly get distracted from their to-do list at hand
8. MIYOSHI KAZUNARI
♡ BARBARA — the “perfect” idol who can’t let go of their inferiority
adored by all, they can make anyone feel energized again just from the thought of them alone!
ever since they were young, they made people smile with their bright optimism. everyone claps when they perform, they’ll always receive a standing ovation from friends and strangers alike
they work hard for every accomplishment they’ve achieved, but they often feel like a fraud or imposter. like they truly don’t deserve or haven’t earned the success in their life
their inferiority complex is hidden carefully behind their helpful actions and entertaining theatrics for others. as long as they can make someone laugh, they’ll believe in themselves for a moment, too
despite struggling with depression, they have never once gave up on their hopes and dreams! even if they’re certain they’ll never compare to everyone else, they still beat every monster with a smile on their face
although they dream of becoming the most popular person around, they bury it deep inside. all they want is for people to like them... but sometimes, they question if others like them for who they are or their image
9. SAKISAKA MUKU
♡ NOELLE + SUCROSE — the hard-workers who are held back by their own insecurity
though they’re not the most dependable of people, they still commit themselves to learning more and more!
made of big dreams and an even bigger heart, they’re certain they’ll make everyone proud one day with their hard work and perfected skill
they often lose themselves in fantasies and find their mind to be the most entertaining place to be in. in their imagination, they can be anyone they want to be! a knight, an alchemist, an actor, anything is possible! of course, they’ll do these things in real life, too, but a little self-indulgence never hurt anybody~
incredibly curious and can find themselves in strange situations simply because they couldn’t resist learning more. luckily, they can always save themselves in the long run
polite & professional, they’re stubborn in their principles and can stand up for their own rules if need be. while they may come off as weak at first, they have it in them to defend anything they care for
has a habit of stuttering around others — nervous and humble, they find confidence to be intimidating and hard to approach. they respect leaders and could never imagine themselves in such a position (despite being fully capable of doing so)
the only person holding them back is themselves! if they believed in themself, they’d be someone their childhood selves would admire!
10. IKARUGA MISUMI
♡ KLEE — the energetic dreamer who’s a kid at heart
energetic & outgoing, they are always found running around, looking to make every moment of their life fun and interesting (though... they might be followed by a worried friend who fears the worst)
filled with childish youth and spirit, they live in the moment and wish to make friendships wherever they go!
when you meet them, all you want to do is make them happy. they’re innocently naive and remind you of how much good is in the world. they wear their heart on their sleeve and no one could ever be so evil as to break it
they do everything and anything to make their friends proud, such as following any rules they set in place. they become genuinely guilty when they make a mistake, so please comfort them the best you can!
they’re terrified of losing another person in their life. that’s why they treat everyone nicely when seeing one another, they’re scared of every meeting being the last
much more capable than they appear. they can take down anything in their path even if they seem a little lost & confused half of the time. they’re every team’s secret weapon as long as they’re with their friends!
as much as they are a handful, they always mean well and will be a friend until the end!
🍁 AUTUMN 🧡
11. SETTSU BANRI
♡ CHILDE — the fragmented weapon who is always picking a fight
when meeting them for the first time, it isn’t until they leave that you release the breath you didn’t know you were holding
always front and center, their power is unmatched and is present in every unpredictable move they make. under their mask of youthfulness is an aged soul traumatized by reasons unknown
they’re willing to be any person you want them to be, as long as they get what they need. so one minute they’ll be smiling and laughing away, next they act like they didn’t even know you
wildly unhinged and deceptive, they imitate the wind of freedom but are truly restrained by their own private thoughts & feelings. their nonchalance and “i don’t care” attitude is a fool’s act
rarely feels alive — only feels the effects of a challenge when at the verge of death. it is only then that they let all hell reign loose. though, that rarely happens considering they barely have to try before being crowned victor
despite their moral ambigiousness, they are as straightforward as can be and are true with their word. if they say they’ll do somethig (at a price, of course), they’ll do it quickly and efficiently. they use any method possible to finish a task, as long as it guarantees results
isn’t used to others playing them at their own game. if you trick them (which can be done if you inflate their ego), they’re sure to have a grudge against you for an exaggerated amount of time. they may not admit it, but they expect others to be as honest as them (it stings unpleasantly when they realize they do not have the upper hand)
(it’s okay though, because they’ll never show their rare moments of weakness to anyone)
12. HYODO JUZA
♡ QIQI — the wronged ones who were reborn for a better life
all they ever wanted was a second chance at life. now that they’ve got it, they’re going to do everything they can to make it right
despite the world being so cruel & unforgiving, they cannot give up on it. they do their best to live proudly and happily, to heal their inner child who wasn’t so fortunate
has fascinations with the littlest things in life. in their rather monotone voice, they express their want for anything sweet (such as “cocogoat” milk or candy)
though, it’s hard to tell their mood based on voice alone. but, their eyes light up at the thought of anything that makes them happy. they will always have that childlike wonder no matter how old they get
quiet & reserved, they are oblivious to any amounts of attention on them and prefer moving in solitude. they find comfort in strolling far away from the human eye and take things one step at a time
their strength is unprecendented by every mean! just because they’re on the quieter side, doesn’t mean they can’t hold their own in a fight. in fact, it’s a rather hilarious sight to see an unassuming person staring down at someone with a blank expression (only they can order themself to cause such violence, however)
give them a moment to process you if they seem to have forgotten! they firmly believe it is better to forget. forgetting painful memories is a way of releasing
13. FUSHIMI OMI
♡ GANYU + BEIDOU — the gentle giants who could end the world, but choose not to
despite being capable of violence and causing bloodshed, they have left that life behind to be a regular person of society
though their past is tarnished by unsavory acts, they work to redeem themselves and bring comfort to others instead. whether it be taking on a larger share of work than necessary or preparing homemade meals, they’re an essential coming back after a long, hard day
therefore, their favorite way of group bonding is laughing over drinks and food with each other! they have no problem spending money on a feast as long as everyone comes to have fun
because of this, they have a great amount of appreciation for anyone who does a good thing for them. if it’s food, they’ll eat it all even if on a full stomach. if it’s an accessory, they’ll wear it at all times even if it clashes. they wish to take care of anything with sentimental value from now on
their faith and loyalty can be considered blind, but they have immense trust in others. they’ve lived far too long being suspicious of others, they want to live believing in good even if it stabs them in the back later on — yet, this doesn’t mean they’re naive in any way. in fact, they have no fear towards powerful entities that most would usually run away from. they’re confident in who they are after years of training and strength-building
due to their many years of experience in every predicament possible, they have a talent of reading people easily. tiny changes in facial expression are nothing to them and they can tell good from bad right away
so if they consider you a close friend, you have a strong ally besides you that will always do the right thing
14. NANAO TAICHI
♡ BENNETT — the unlucky unwanted ones who carry the weight of the world on their shoulders
no one expects them to be the oldest sibling, but they are! they have the responsibility of taking care of those around them, whether it be younger siblings or elder adventurers
although it becomes quite exhausting and difficult the older everyone gets, they never complain about their duty and will always see it through. sure, it’s more trouble than it’s worth, but if they don’t do it, who else will?
seldom do they feel discouraged, but when they do, it’s not long before they get back up and try again! their tears never last long because they’re never giving up. they can’t lose when so many people are relying on them...
they’re used to doing everything by themself. whatever you need to get done, they’ll do it with one more band-aid on their face! they’ve acquired so many skills that they’re a jack of all trades (and a master at none)
because of that, they’re always smiling no matter what life throws at them. there will always be tomorrow if today is bad, and they’ll do even better! so you better believe it!
even though it seems like they’re “cursed” with bad luck, you can often hear them say, “i’m the luckiest boy alive!”, when anything good happens. those little things keeps them going throughout all the bad
after all, how can they possibly have bad luck when they have so many great friends? they haven’t given up on them, so they’ll always do their best!
15. FURUICHI SAKYO
♡ NINGGUANG + ZHONGLI — the businesspeople who can never have enough money to feel secure
growing up with absolutely nothing, they refuse to go back to a time where weakness was all they had. therefore, even “dirty” money is considered a blessing these days
some may call them “frugal and cheap”, they like to put it as “saving money wisely”. they accept money isn’t permanent and anyone could lose it, even themselves. excess extravagence is a luxury even they won’t indulge in (for themselves especially, but others have a higher possibility)
everything they’ve earned has come from hard work and perseverance. they’re self-made and continue building their empire from the ground up. they’re never comfortable and are always seeking good opportunities to expand their wealth
even as they reluctuantly take on assistants, they’re still uncomfortable with the thought of asking for help when they’ve done everything by themself for so long. they hate to make themselves seem like a parasite and compensate fairly through other means
they’re not afraid to get into debates with just about everyone and see arguments as a way to solve problems and move forward. they’re relentless when speaking the cold truth and hard facts, but they do it to get the hurt over with. they’re not intentionally mean, they’re just cut-throat
they believe their past their “prime time” of experience and encourage others to aspire for more. they act as if they’ve lived several lifetimes (it is questionable if they have) and speak with wisdom so certain, no one thinks to disagree
they can bargain and negotiate for hours; it’s what they know best. should they lose this money... that is simply not a possibility. money protects them and they use it to protect others as well. any loss of money is a sign of danger to them
❄️ WINTER 💙
16. TSUKIOKA TSUMUGI
♡ XINGQIU — the booksmart leads who commit to doing good
at first, they are perfect students. their nose is always in a book, they retain information like its water, and are always gracing others with their polite manners and elegance
they were born with potential and promise, with the knowledge strong enough to change the tide. parents were envious of their achievements and clear excellence and often compared their own children to them (much to the dismay of their inherent humbleness)
yet, beneath their picture-perfect status is a much more curious, troublesome side. their thirst for knowledge grows more and more each day, they have to know. ignorance is not bliss at all
despite their constant learning, they never do it in an underhanded method. they’re honest if their principles are on the line and they believe in upholding morals & ethics
if they do not adhere to these righteous ways, how can they expect anyone else to? as long as they’re doing the right thing, that’s what matters
therefore, it’s more often than not that they give credit to others. they hardly take time to put their name on a project first and pass their own hard work to others. they find it much more rewarding to see people get praised than to receive it himself
though, if you want to thank them, it’ll be much harder to find them to begin with. they can disappear for days at a time before coming back. do not ask why, because the only answer you’ll hear is, “a moment of solitude”
17. TAKOTO TASUKU
♡ CHONGYUN — the ice-cold actor who does everything to conceal his secret side...
stoice & composed, it’s nearly impossible to get a reaction out of this serious person. unless...
they can become two completely separate people if the case calls for it. blame it on whatever you want, whether it be congenital positivity or acting, but they can become friendly and illogical if their job or roles requires it
this is always an entertaining sight for their friends, but it’s extremely embarrassing for them personally. they will apologize again and again, but it’s bound to occur in the near future
regardless of their quirk, they have strong ambitions to be the best in their business and will continue trekking down the long road ahead to do so
in order to be at the top of their game, they have immense self-control and follow a strict routine all for self improvement
they can get up early in the morning and work late into the night with no problems. their endurance is like no other and there is no limit to how far they’ll go for perfection
though anyone can be intimidated by their talents that go beyond the normal standard, they’re just a normal person at the end of the day who has a lot to work on
18. YUKISHIRO AZUMA
♡ LISA — the brains & beauty who make sure no one underestimates them
despite being the smartest and most self-sufficient of their group, they’re simplified to their appearance and charismatic personality at first glance
while they’re used to being objectified, they’ve figured out a way to use it to their advantage. because of this, no one can ever make them react genuinely. they have a calm, composed persona that never fails
hard to read and a master of charm, the only way you can tell they’re visibly not pleased is when the air crackles with electricity. the tension they can create is unfathomable and only they can dispel it. so, better to make it up to them quick or the uncomfortable atmosphere stays!
even if they appear as languid and slow as a cat, they do everything flawlessly. nothing is out of place wherever they go and their attention to detail is second to none. no matter who scrutinizes them, they’ll always exceed every standard with high remarks
yet, they can become easily bored. they need many things to keep them entertained for extended amounts of time. once they get their hands on something, they’ll study it so much until there’s nothing left to learn. if you have any questions, they can explain it in the plainest terms possible
please do not ask them to go do a task, however. they avoid troubling work that has the slightest possibility of giving them wrinkles. they’re lazy by nature, and it’s something they will not change
while they are confident they can handle any situation, they choose not to. more work is something they can never accept on their own terms
19. ARISUGAWA HOMARE
♡ FISCHL — the robotic wanderers who have no place to call home
disguising their true self behind frivilous words and outlandish theories, they almost seem like they’re not from this world at all
due to their odd behavior, they rarely have friends that go along with their roleplay and require translation half the time
regardless, they speak in poems and rhymes for the fun of it. if it makes them happy, so be it!
they take comfort in literature and fantasy stories and project onto characters they love. if they can become a story protagonist, they’d be able to do anything
because of this reliance, it’s hard to meet anyone who can get past their eccentricies. not to mention their family who attempts to be supportive but ultimately grows confused by their grand demeanor
yet, they’re unapologetically themself and refuse to break character for anyone. they don’t compromise their words or actions and are authentically themselves
they’re writing their own story and will never let anyone else decide it for them again
20. MIKAGE HISOKA
♡ XIAO + VENTI — the land-bound souls who wish to be relieved by the wind
there is more to them than that meets the eye; no one has ever dealt with more loss than them
the pains of their mysterious past have made them seem like they’re ancient; moving slowly with the weight of their forgotten responsibilities and promises upon their shoulders
their piercing gaze and ability to be dangerous is a rare sight, though you would be extremely lucky to even survive long enough to see it at its worst. its like muscle memory to them, their violence is like an instinct when threatened
due to experiencing so much in so little time, they now have no fear of others’ judgment whatsoever. they won’t hesitate to mock anyone when prompted and doesn’t need other people’s approval anymore
that is because they can still hear the voices of those they could not save. the dead haunt them whenever they sit idle for too long, so they escape their reality through many means, whether it be sleeping or drinking
they attempt to live freely, like their losses should’ve. they live the life they know their ghosts would’ve wanted and uphold the price to pay for surviving
“it shouldn’t have been me, not them”, you can find them saying in the latest of hours. nevertheless, they fight on. they have an eternal debt to pay to god knows what
(catboy)
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ayuuria · 4 years
Text
Yashahime Translation: Animage Magazine February 2021 Issue
Please do not repost this translation without my consent! This includes screenshots of any type and amount. If you wish to share this translation, simply link to this post.
For more information regarding the use of my translations, click here.
Regarding the Boy Whose True Colors Are Unknown
Riku, the mysterious person with a good smile and speaking words with profound meaning. He enshrouds not only Towa and the others of course, but also the viewers in smoke. Is he actually the Yashahime’s enemy? Ally?
The boy who proclaims to be “A pirate come ashore”, Riku. The figure of him showing a kind smile and talking quickly makes him seem like your typical nice guy at a glance. However, his speech has every bit of shadiness mixed in it.
The first sign was when he called the apple he received from Towa a “Forbidden fruit” (translator’s note: this was written in English). Most likely, he likened it to the story of the Adam and Eve written in the Old Testament; but why does he know about it when he lives in the Feudal Era? Also, the part where it seemed that Kyuuki of the Four Perils and Riku knew each other is of interest. Then above all, there is the dangerous statement he made to Shikabaneya Jyuubee, “I will take care of the Yashahimes, who hold three of the Rainbow Pearls, myself”. What exactly is the reason for him to go so far for the Rainbow Pearls…?
While leaving a strong discomfort, it seems that Riku will be on the move again in episode 14 after disappearing from the center stage for some time. What is the expression Riku shows before the evil mountain god, Homura, who’s heart has been stolen by a human girl? Even continuing into episode 15 which according to Riku’s voice actor, Fukuyama Jun, will be “A pretty big episode”. There is no mistake that Riku’s existence holds the key to the story of “Hanyō no Yashahime”. The strict prohibition on his words down to the details cannot be overlooked.
Character Bios
Riku The person who requested the subjugation of the Four Perils to the corpse shop. He is gathering the Rainbow Pearls and after Kyuuki’s death, he retrieved the purple Rainbow Pearl that she held.
Shikabaneya Jyuubee The owner of the “Corpse Shop” that deals in demon bounties. He lends money to Moroha and has her slay demons as repayment. He possesses the green Rainbow Pearl.
Takechiyo He can transform into a giant and fly the sky, so he runs around a lot as a means of transportation for Towa and the others. Miroku seems to be involved behind why Takechiyo works at the corpse shop.
Towa She has a kind personality, but she does lose her sense of reason when her little sister, Setsuna, is in danger. As she is a half-demon, she loses her demonic powers and turns into a human at the start of the lunar month (new moon).
Setsuna Normally, her “seething demonic blood” is sealed with Miroku’s Buddhist powers. In episode 13, the seal is released, and she repels Tōtetsu of the Four Perils. Unlike Towa, she does not turn into a human at the start of the lunar month.
Moroha A bounty hunter. Lately, she has been unable to retrieve the heads of the demons she defeats and collect bounties which has been the source of her worries. Just like Setsuna, she does not transform into a human at the start of the lunar month.
The Corpse Shop’s Big Client
Riku, who puts a large bounty on the Four Perils’ heads, is a “special client” to Jyuubee. To Riku, Jyuubee is someone who he told “I only kill those I love” and revealed part of his thoughts to. It appears that the green Rainbow Pearl that Jyuubee possesses also has something to do with Riku. We are curious about the two’s past!
Darling Yashahime…?
Riku and Towa met when a lost Riku asked her for directions. Then he introduced himself to Setsuna and Moroha after they fought Kyuuki. According to what Riku told Jyuubee, since he loves the Yashahimes, he is thinking of finishing them off himself. What is the reason…?
Hatred Towards the Four Perils
Riku’s prejudice against the Four Perils is to the point that he bluntly says “This is why I don’t like you” to the dying Kyuuki. He says the reason is because “(They are) unrefined”. On the other hand, Kyuuki knew Riku’s name and it appears that Riku and the Four Perils are acquainted with each other. Does he also have some sort of connection to Kirinmaru who controls the Four Perils?
The Evil God Who Loves a Human
In episode 14, Riku gets involved with Tamano, an extraordinarily beautiful human girl, and the evil god who loves her but has an excessively burning jealousy, Homura. A human and an evil god. When Riku sees a love that goes beyond race, he shows an expression different from what he’s shown Towa and Co, Jyuubee, and the Four Perils so don’t miss it.
Riku Knows Everything?! The Voice of Riku, Fukuyama Jun
Forbidden from revealing anything, even to his fellow voice actors?!  The young man full of mystery, Riku
— From the beginning, what sort of impression did you have of the work “Inuyasha”?
Fukuyama: It was a show that started around the time I started receiving roles in animation work as a voice actor. At the time, it was a long series by Takahashi Rumiko-sensei that came after “Ranma ½” so from the start, it was getting a lot of attention when it began serialization. There were even talks of an anime adaptation. I remember there was chatting among the young people like “Who exactly is going to do the voicing?” “It can’t be anyone other than Yamaguchi Kappei-san?”. The work continued for many years and many of my fellow voice actors took part. I myself did not make an appearance but I had the impression that it was a “far away but familiar work”.
— This time, did you audition for the role of Riku?
Fukuyama: I did not. It was a discussion that happened suddenly, but I received a direct inquiry. It was right about the time when my schedule was a mess because of the COVID crisis, and I remember the correspondence being like “Are you able to take part in the recording schedule?”. For roles without auditions, generally there are multiple candidates so it’s normal to wait a while until the decision is made. However, this time I got the role soon after I received the inquiry, so I was a little surprised. Then, about the same time, the production of “Hanyō no Yashahime” was announced. After that, I started looking for the work that it was based off, but it didn’t exist. I became doubly surprised like “Oh, this is an original work!?”
— Riku is a character with a lot mysteries, but exactly how much do you know about Riku’s back bone?
Fukuyama: The information is to a level that I can’t say anything at this time. They explained to me his position within the work and what would happen to him before hand at the recording studio. Using that as the standard, during the first recording, I had a feeling they told me detailed points. Riku can appear to be androgynous when he doesn’t say anything, but when he actually speaks, he addresses himself as “Oira”, purposely says expressions in a tone of voice that’s almost like a fool, and knows words that he shouldn’t know. The biggest impression I got from him was that he could be considered a major supporting character and I felt that moving in secret isn’t quite what his position is. On top of that, after finding out additional information that I can’t say yet, he’s a more important character than I thought. The staff have told me “Please don’t say anything about Riku to the other cast members.” “We want them to enjoy this too” (laughs)
— That is amazing! It seems Riku’s mystery has a connection to the core of the story.
Fukuyama: Please look forward to finding out (laughs). In the first place as of right now, not only do we not know what intentions Sesshōmaru had behind his actions, but it’ll be a little while longer before we know the full story of the drama that is being spun. To viewers, I think this aspect will make them excited, uncertain, and anxious.
By Being Outwardly Suspicious, His True Intensions Are Wrapped in Smoke
— In contrast to Riku’s Edo-like phrases, you somehow feel a sense of refinement from him. Do you take care in that aspect when playing him?
Fukuyama: When reading the script, I wanted to effectively capitalize on the foolish tone of voice. As I continued to act like that, I think I started leaning towards the feel of an Edo person. However, you can blend the “impression felt from the script” and the “impression created from the image” in animation, so as a result from matching up the length of the lines to the image of the story, that may have become the impression that TV viewers got. Now that recording has progressed, when I think back, I’m glad I didn’t stick with the impression I got from the first script. The expression he shows Towa and the others, the Four Perils, and to other people are subtly different from each other so if I had completely contrasted those, his character image would probably have either changed or become blurred. When I first started, I was glad the image kept me in check.
— So Riku’s character comes together from combining the voice acting and the image acting.
Fukuyama: Yes. In today’s recording (the day of the interview), different from the way he speaks to Towa and the others, he showed an expression that he hasn’t really shown until now. In terms of what’s being broadcasted soon, Riku’s way of speaking breaks the 4th wall in episode 15. He’s a person who shows a lot of different faces so until we reach the heart (of the story), I want him to remain a character that’s hard to grasp.
— In terms of acting, do you receive any instructions from the staff?
Fukuyama: I was given the following order “We want you to bring out more shadiness than what’s depicted”. In terms of Riku’s position, as a way for me to show the character, I moved in a way that made it difficult to figure out what he is as much as possible. If you can visually see that he’s up to something, I would make it not show with my words more than necessary. However, I also thought “There’s no point hiding that he’s obviously acting shady, so I actually want viewers to really understand that”. By doing that, his intentions instead become less obscure as result is what I’ve come to understand as I play him.
— He certainly seemed like a good person but also felt shady when he made his first appearance in episode 7. It was completely suspicious for him to call the apple a “Forbidden Fruit”.
Fukuyama: In beginning, I thought I wouldn’t show any suspiciousness in front of Towa. While the base of the character is the same, I didn’t want Towa to harbor any sort of suspicion. However, with that line, I was told “You can bring out his shadiness”. In order to wrap the story in smoke, I think they’re going to show everything in that way.
Riku Seems Like He Can Obtain Things That Modern People Cannot Have
— It seems that recording is done with only a few people, so who do you record with?
Fukuyama: It’s quite spread out. We record with people we interact with the most in that episode so the group changes with each time. The first time, I was with Hosoya (Yoshimasa) who plays the role of Kirinmaru and then after that I was with Koyama-san (Tsuyoshi) who plays the role of Shikabaneya Jyuubee. On top of that, there was a time when I was with members of “Inuyasha”… By the way, today I was with Fairouz Ai (the role of Takechiyo). This work is the first time that I’m co-acting with her but man she’s a lively young person (laughs). You can tell she’s really enjoying the work, so it makes things easier.
— Please tell us if you have any memorable moments in the recording studio.
Fukuyama: When I’m with the cast of “Hanyō no Yashahime”, I get the impression of “This is a new show”. Around the time when Riku debuted in episode 7, there was a nervousness like you’ve only just started running. However, when I was with the “Inuyasha” team, it felt like a class reunion. The air between Yukino Satsuki-san (the role of Higurashi Kagome) and Kappei-san (the role of Inuyasha) felt like they’ve been working together for a long time and I thought “Oh, so this is “Inuyasha”!” The “level” of difference between each of the recording (groups) is what I found interesting.
— Among the episodes that have already aired, which scene was especially memorable for you?
Fukuyama: The episode where Riku debuted left a big impression on me. His aura when he’s moving behind the scenes and his aura of “No no, he’s shady but he doesn’t seem to be two faced” when he met Towa. The difference in his behavior was fun to act out. Like when he spoiled that Kikujuumonji was something he stole right after giving it to Towa or when he suspended the river water, drank it, and said “Anyone can do it if you focus your mind”. For a first appearance he had a lot of information, so viewers were probably confused. Towa being Towa, she didn’t seem bothered at all and it’s like “At least be a little cautious!” (laughs). I think you will understand the back and forth (between them) better if you rewatch it after watching more (of the story). With the expression “Pirate come ashore”, you’d probably think “Then isn’t he a bandit?” but there’s probably a fixation to that. That expression is also important.
— Now then, what are the highlights going forward?
Fukuyama: In due time, I think you’ll understand that “Riku knew everything”. However, on one hand if he’s an enemy, it would be contradictory and if he’s an ally, there’s a lot of things off. You’ll end up coming back to “Then what’s his objective?”.  With that, I would like everyone to enjoy imagining what his position and future development will be. Among the latest upcoming episodes, episode 15 is a big one. While many mysteries will be revealed, instead of feeling refreshed, I think you’ll end up wondering what’s going to happen from there on. Once again, I feel it’s a very elaborate screen play. Also, in episode 17, Riku is going to move a little differently than he has up until now and in episode 18, Sesshōmaru and Kirinmaru will be making extensive appearances. I think this is going to be a very satisfying episode for “Inuyasha” fans so please look forward to it.
— We would love if you could comment on this month’s illustration (P. 37~)
Fukuyama: I see it’s an illustration of Takechiyo telling the reader “Your head’s too high!”. But in actuality I don’t think Takechiyo really knows who Riku is. I’m sure Takechiyo most likely sensed that he’s someone that you can’t reveal his actions to other people but in the end, Riku is a client. Riku’s immeasurable aura is properly expressed in this illustration. Boy does he have the nerve to show this attitude in front of people (laughs).
— Going forward, could you tell us an illustration scenario you would like to see?
Fukuyama: I’m sure “Inuyasha” fans will want to see “Sesshōmaru comforting a newborn Towa and Setsuna” right? Maybe Jaken getting his body pulled all over the place by the two babies is something that might appear in the main story. However, I have a feeling we won’t get to see Sesshōmaru protecting the kids. Thinking with Riku… How about something like Riku holding a PS5 (Play Station 5). Riku seems like he would have things that even we modern era people can’t get our hands on (laughs).
— (laughs) Now lastly, please give a message to our readers.
Fukuyama: I can’t say yet what sort of actions Riku will be taking from here on, but by the time all of you are reading this, I think you’ll have figured out his stance somewhat. I’ll be happy if you’re able to anticipate what’s to come while imagining it, but probably at this stage, I think what you can image so far will be different from the direction that the story is going (laughs). I will also be looking forward to what will happen to not only Riku but to Sesshōmaru and Kirinmaru as I attend recordings. It would be great if you can fully enjoy it until the end.
Q. Who’s Your Favorite Character?
“I like Homura who appears in episode 14. How do I say it, he feels like a person who’s true to his desires. The result that awaited him afterwards was impressionable. Also in episode 2, there’s the cameo appearance of the hoodlums from “Urusei Yatsura” that looked old fashioned, which was great. Then there’s Kagome’s younger brother, Souta! Though he knew about the existence of demons and time travel from his childhood days, it feels like he’s someone who has transcended (laughs)”
Q. What Is Your Impression of the Three Girls?
“I interacted with Towa in episode 7, but regarding Setsuna and Moroha, I heard their voices for the first time on air. I watched without gaining information beforehand, so I felt moved in a sort of refreshing way. The cast is either 12 years or younger than me, but I could feel the world of “Inuyasha” begin continued in their acting. They made me interested in “what will it feel like recording together with them?”. Including Fairouz-san, I’m happy that there are so many talented female voice actors.”
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malethirsty · 4 years
Text
Loyalty - Alaric Saltzman
Summary: In a time of despair for the former Hybrid host, Klaus decides to have some fun with him, which leads a darker Alaric to ravage you, one beyond control. 
Warnings: M/M smut (21+), Bareback (Wrap Before You Tap!), Daddy Kink, 
Inspired by: https://twitter.com/MaleThirst/status/1202936339643023360
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Whilst you had been living it up between Klaus, Tyler, Stefan & Marcel, things had fallen apart back in Mystic Falls. Damon in his alcoholic mess of a state, had sipped on the wine at the Mikaelson Ball and after Esther followed through with staking Finn, he of them bit the dust. Elena & Jeremy were furious and had used Bonnie’s magic to track you to New Orleans, if only they’d known what happened to witches there. Having informed Marcel of Elena’s judgemental behaviour, he had his armed progeny lock her up in the quarter’s dungeons, from the front row seat with Klaus, you saw Jeremy, heartbroken and crying at the sight of Marcel & his allies celebrating his half sister’s fate. You’d feel bad if it wasn’t for how she had you isolated and you were initially relieved that the Gilbert had been dragged away by an eager Kol, catching a few words of what he said as he dragged Jeremy away “Darling stop struggling, you’re gonna love the life I have planned for you.” The relief however was cut short as Kol’s idea of Jeremy’s new life was turning him into a vampire and capitalising on his newfound thirst for blood & sex to start a relationship with his new protege. With newly turned vampires, their need for both was incredibly persistent, and this raised the problem, how were you supposed to do your business with Klaus, Tyler, Stefan & Marcel, when Kol & Jeremy were seemingly attached at the ass every waking moment of the day?
“KEEP IT DOWN!” You yelled down the hall after another fuck with your harem was ruined by persistent loud noise from Kol & Jeremy “Not my fault we’re hot and heavy darling.” Kol sniped back “For Fucks Sake!” You groaned, turning to Klaus, Tyler, Stefan & Marcel, another romantic night ruined. “This is a fucking disaster.” Stefan put simply, “Can’t we do something?” “We can’t exactly ask him to leave.” Tyler pointed out “He’s still Klaus’s brother.” “Well Klaus’s brother is stopping our sex, and I need to fuck Y/N.” “You all do!” You state, trying desperately to stop an argument blowing up “Klaus, do you have any ideas? WITHOUT a White Oak Stake!” You specified, knowing more staking would result in Elijah and Rebekah mutinying. “I do have an idea, but you may not like it.” “At this point, I’m willing to do whatever.” Klaus smirked at your desperation “Y/N, I think it’s time we paid your old crush a visit.” You gulped as Marcel raised his eyebrows to you, intrigued by Klaus’s statement “You sure?” Klaus nodded at your question “It’s time you taught your teacher crush how to worship you like you adored him.” 
Due to Damon death and the sudden disappearance of Elena & Jeremy, Alaric had withdrawn from Mystic Falls & now the lounge of the Gilbert was his domain, sleeping on it almost every night and even for long hours into the day, however today was going to be different for the hunter. Whilst he was in his dreamscape, he heard a voice calling him, “Alaric” it decadently said. “Who’s there?” He responded “Do not be afraid, I have come to offer you what you need: The Gilbert siblings Elena & Jeremy” Alaric looked startled “Where are they, how do you know I need them?” “They’re in New Orleans, kept under lock and key by the Mikaelson empire.” Alaric looked shocked as a “Fuck!” Fell from his mouth “It’s horrible, the sounds that come from the dungeon, lest of all when Kol arrives to see Jeremy! loud cries, lord knows what The Mikaelsons are doing to him!” “You need to take me to him!” Alaric cried out, now starting to panic as the disembodied voice told him of Jeremy’s suffering. Suddenly hands encased him “Calm yourself.” The voice said, moving out of the darkness of Alaric’s head to reveal the speaker: a young woman with chocolate brown hair. “Who are you?” Alaric asked “My name is Davina Claire. I’ve sensed your anguish and have come to save you.” “Like some kind of Fairy Godmother or something?” Alaric questioned, Davina tilting her head “Something like that yes.” At this the hunter began to get nervous “What’s the catch? With your kind there almost always is.” Divina’s head tilted “What’s the matter? Do you always have to think someone has got it out for you? I am merely trying to help, that’s all, nothing else.” Alaric gazed into Davina’s eyes, and finding no trace of malice, let his defences down. “Good, now grip my hands. I will take you safely to New Orleans to free him.” Alaric grabbed onto Davina’s outstretched hands very tightly whilst repeating a vivid incantation. Images began to flash in Alaric’s mind, initially of him and Jeremy, but after a while the images no longer included who he wanted to see. Instead images of beatings, murder, prejudice, expulsion, loneliness, were shown to Alaric, him seeing the events like it was a faded out postcard, Klaus & Y/N eventually melting into these moments, these were their memories. “Let me go!” He growled at Davina attempting to pry his hands away, but they were stuck like glue as Davina repeated her incantation again and again even louder this time. Alaric began to sense what Klaus & Y/N had felt since they had contacted Mikael, Esther, Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Caroline, the angst, the neediness, the anguish, the pain all collided together in one massive hit to the hunter and it filled him with rage, especially knowing he had influenced it “Make it stop! I’ll do anything!” cried Alaric, tears beginning to form, “Anything?” Inquired a familiar voice “Klaus!” Alaric gasped as he turned around to see the grinning hybrid appearing with Y/N, your voice now becoming part of the fray “It’s about time we got on the same level, don’t you think Ric?” 
In Davina’s room, you sat back, watching Davina chant her spell, gripping onto Klaus as he connected outward with Davina, your memories and pain being cast onto Alaric in some type of emotion sharing spell that she had located in her books, whilst you were quiet down in New Orleans, you and Klaus were verbally speaking to Alaric due to the spell, hopefully changing his thoughts on Klaus as a whole. Marcel stood behind Davina, making sure she was safe, as these types of spells take a lot of magic out of a witch, Stefan & Tyler shifted behind Klaus & Y/N, wondering how the spell was going, and if all was working out on getting Alaric to turn sides. They didn’t have long to wait however, soon a swirl of magical energy began in the centre of the room, wind whipping as a miniature looking tornado span out of thin air, yet everyone remained stock still, looking forwards to see Alaric slowly appear in the room. As soon as he became more pronounced, the wind stopped howling, and he appeared in full before everyone. “Y/N?” Alaric searched, and you got up and crossed to him “I’m here Alaric, I’m right here.” Alaric threw his arms around you, hugging you deep, as if to make up for pushing him away after you turned to Klaus. Behind you both, motions continued, Marcel taking Davina back up to her room to properly rest, Stefan & Tyler leaving upon Klaus’s orders to stave off Kol & Jeremy. Soon after everyone had broken away, Alaric let go of you “Y/N is easily happy with a hug but I think I should tell you what I, or rather we” he gestured to you & him “Need from you Alaric. As King of New Orleans, my respect must be earned” Klaus informed him, wanting to test the hunter on his loyalty. Alaric nodded towards the hybrid “What do I have to do?” He asked, to Klaus’s dimply grin “You know what you must do Alaric, I’ve been inside you, I know how much you craved Y/N before I came into the picture, was so hard to control myself and not seduce him for you, have you watch trapped as I exercised the thoughts you stroked yourself to every night, lusting after Y/N like some horny desperate man determined to empty his balls cause his wife left him all alone.” Klaus was standing right in front of Alaric, grin prominent as he controlled the situation, Alaric’s look becoming darker with lust as he took in what Klaus was saying “Follow me Ric” You said, breaking the tension, “We have a lot of catching up to do.” 
Having led him to Klaus’s bedroom and told him to follow where his desires took him, Alaric imparted in you his ideal sexual roleplay, and told you what you needed to do, with Klaus keeping position in a corner, listening out for Kol & Jeremy’s return. Alaric sat down at a desk dragged into the room for him, and wrapped twice on it. Knowing that was your cue to begin, you raised your hand and knocked on the bedroom door “Come in” came Alaric’s voice, and you crossed the threshold with papers “Y/N, what do I owe this visit to?” “Hi Mr. Saltzman, I’m here to drop off my grading papers.” You said, holding up the assorted items in hand, Alaric nodding his head up at you “Ah, set them down on my desk Y/N.” You did so and looked up to catch Alaric’s tired expression, complete with overdramatic huffing “Is something wrong sir?” You asked, him looking back at you “Nothing to be concerned with Y/N, you can go.” But knowing from his briefing that he didn’t want you to leave, you sat down before him “Alaric, you’ve listened to all of my problems and helped me out, the least I can do is the same for you.” Alaric sighed and then said “I’ve been looking for my wife, she ran off a long time ago with some asshole, never told me why, I’ve been trying to track her down and have her at least explain why she left.” You looked sympathetically at him and shortly responded with “Fuck her, any reason she left is shitty, you’re an amazing man Alaric, she was too bound up in her lust for other men to see it.” Alaric looked surprised at you “Why would you say that? You’ve barely known me.” “I know enough of you to know that you are one of the kindest, selfless and hottest men around, anyone would be lucky to have you Alaric, don’t forget that.” Surprised but satisfied at your outburst, Alaric opened his mouth, and then shut it again, processing what he was going to say, eventually settling on “Thank you Y/N, thanks.” You held out your hands to the distressed man and he eventually folded himself into you, hugging tightly, head resting on your neck, you took in the moment, tension simmering but waiting for the right moment to make a move.
As Alaric moved his head to match your eye line so you could gaze clearly into his, aged yet longing in them, and somehow reached the same moment together. You both surged forwards, kissing deeply, you wrapping your hands around Alaric’s neck, soaking in the boldness and warmth of the history buff, him no doubt indulging in the same energy as yourself. Eventually the two of you broke apart, and Alaric looked stated but soon was replaced by a look of shock “I can’t Y/N, you should go.” “Alaric please.” “Y/N go. We can’t work, not like this.” He said in pain, like it was hurting him to release you, the same pain echoing on your face as you slowly turned away, wanting one more glance of the man of your dreams. Eventually you turned around but only made a few steps before you suddenly got turned around, and were met with Alaric again enfolding himself into you, this time leading the kiss. You wrapped your legs around Alaric’s waist this time, as he led you to his desk, depositing you on it as he mapped out your mouth with his tongue, wanting all of you. He soon pulled away with one clear instruction “Take off your clothes.” You rapidly pulled garments off and threw them every which way, your adrenaline peaking once you heard Alaric’s belt clutter as it was disposed of, as you turned back, you saw him removing pants and underwear, his cock springing out, very hard in front of you. You looked up Alaric’s hairy body, falling more in love as you saw your strong man in front of you, all daddyish and seductively horny, a glint of lust in his eyes “Fuck Y/N, on your knees, suck my dick.” The command was short simple and to the point, and as you disappeared from view behind the desk, you took Alaric’s massive cock into your mouth, swallowing him deep. “Oh fuck” He growlishly moaned out “Suck it, like that Y/N, so fucking good for me.” After a while you moved off him, noticing movement behind Alaric and caught a full sight of Klaus across from you both, stroking his cock to the show you & Alaric were putting on. With your confidence growing, you decided to be bolder and so eventually you missed his cock, instead sucking his balls deep, Alaric letting out a lustful cry of “OH” right above you “God Y/N, you’re a fucking master at this, you know every part that aches for you. You’ve been waiting for this haven’t you? wanted me to give into your slutty ways and have you so wantonly and passionately, God damn it Y/N, keep fucking going!” 
You did as he instructed, gripping onto Alaric’s ass for leverage, running your hands down it, also appreciating the hair there as well, Alaric was the daddy type and you were going to relish in the man presented to you. Alaric was right, you’d waited so long, let your thoughts take you to the most horniness of scenarios, and now here was Alaric Saltzman, all for the taking. So indulged were you that you didn’t notice Klaus gripping you and pulling you away from Alaric and straightening you up “I can hear Kol & Jeremy, you better get ready to fuck now.” Taking Klaus’s warning, you knocked the items off the desk as you sprayed across it, Alaric longingly taking in the sight “I guess this is what it all led to, all those long gazes you gave me, the smiles we sent each others way, you improved under my guidance as I cared more and more, and now here we are, about to fuck. Ready for me?” Alaric asked, and you nodded. Lining up his cock with your ass, Alaric thrusted forwards, burying deep as you both let out loud cries of pleasurableness, though in your case pain as you were being stretched out as Alaric became intoxicated by your walls clenching around his cock. “Fuck Y/N, you’re so tight for me, God I’m gonna fucking love this!” He began a smooth pace, getting you used to his length, you looking up at Alaric’s face, utter bliss upon it as he fucked into you. “That’s right Alaric” came Klaus voice “Fuck our Y/N, look at how he’s falling apart for your dick, and this is what you were missing out on whilst you ran off with Elena & her possey.” Alaric growled angrily “Never again, I want you and Y/N right by me.” Klaus appeared behind Alaric, a look of utter lust in his eyes “They’re here, from what I can tell, making out in the hall, now is when we strike.” He gripped both of you and sped you into the wall “Fuck, as loud as you can, let go.” 
It was as if you’d hit a green light and floored the gas, Alaric started to ram in and out as a fast rate, which would alarm any woman he’d fucked before, but you welcomed it with the loudest of moans “Fuck daddy, use me, fuck me hard!” Alaric grinned and grunted as he continued to piston his hips forwards “Fucking tight slut, you wanted this dick, now fucking take it!” All of a sudden, you heard a commotion from the room across from yours, you kept going of course but knew that Kol & Jeremy had heard you both. Having known this could happen, Klaus sped to the door and held it down as it began to buckle forwards from sharp punches on the other side “Niklaus, open this damn door now!” Came Kol’s voice, dripping with anger. “No!” Cried Klaus “You have deprived me of Y/N for far too long Kol, now we’re in control. Y/N is fucking Alaric, and God is it the most erotic thing you’ve ever seen.” Deciding to bury the dagger in deeper you cried out to Kol “Not my fault we’re hot and heavy, darling.” You heard screaming from the other side of the compound which soon vanished, Klaus relaxing from the door “Love, he’s gone, I’m assuming Jeremy ran off, so Kol’s gone to look for him.” You somewhat relaxed, it was understandable, his parental figure was fucking in the room right next to him, of course it would be awkward, but you snapped out of your thoughts as Alaric went deeper, hitting your prostate and making you scream out yourself, only in pleasure instead of pain. “Thank fuck, cause I can’t last much longer” Alaric cried out, “Oh fuck babe, you’re doing so good, daddy’s gonna come soon, so clench around my cock tight!” You did as the older man instructed “How good is it, to take this big dick as a fucking reward for being so good to me?” Alaric questioned “So fucking good Daddy, keep doing it!” Alaric grinned “Of course I will baby, this isn’t going to be a one time fuck, not with this tight fucking hole. Oh fuck, I’m gonna come!” Alaric cried out his blissful release as he shot deep, but somehow kept going, before you realised you had been close but not enough to come at that same moment or before Alaric. No sooner had you thought that, but Alaric fucked in so deep that your tipping orgasm dropped over the edge, you yelling out as you came for Alaric.
You collapsed against each other, sweaty and winded. “Fuck” you got out “I know” grinned Alaric, “Damn Y/N, that was by far the best fuck I’ve ever had.” Knowing you had done better than Isobel, the woman he wifed up built your confidence more, Klaus detecting it, grinned. “You can all come out now.” He said, seemingly to thin air, although you were stunned when Tyler, Stefan & Marcel all popped up out from various spots, Tyler through the door leading to the hallway, Stefan from the wardrobe and Marcel from the landing “That was quite a show” Stefan complimented, “Y/N, you are a fucking hot whore, I’ve missed this side of you” Marcel grinned over at you, “Master, can we?” Tyler said longingly, looking at Klaus for approval. Like a flash, Klaus sped towards you, depriving you of Alaric and flinging you towards the bed, you landing flat. “What the hell?” You shouted, clearly in shock, but your questions were answered before you could ask as a bunch of speedy whirs appeared before you, soon dispelling Klaus, Tyler, Stefan & Marcel as naked as Alaric. “We’ve waited so damn long for this, we’re gonna fuck you so good tonight, so hold on tight love.”
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Text
Faking It Ch 3
A/N: I don't remember Aedion’s mom every being explicitly named in the series so I just kinda made up a name. I picture her as being the young cool aunt so that’s just my portrayal, not canon lmao. 
Also I'm going to reveal what happened between them in the next few chapters so send me some theories in my asks!!!
Despite Aelin's attempts to forget about Rowan, the day continued to drag on slowly. First science class, where somehow her brain managed to relate molecular compounds to Rowan's face. Then lunch, when luckily Aedion had managed to distract her with donuts for the short fifty minutes. Now she was back in the last period of the day, left to brew in her own apprehension as the on-screen lecture lapsed by and turned into silent reading. 
Rowan had agreed to drive them both to her house after school, saving Aelin from walking back in the crisp autumn weather. She’d put more energy into her appearance today than she’d like to admit. If Aelin had one thing she love about herself, it would be her style. Today she was wearing a slightly too short wrap skirt and a loose satin black button up which she tucked one side into the skirt. She had chosen to wear her platform Doc Martens, naively assuming she could handle the ankle pain. Her hair was done up in a tight bun and she pulled back her short layers from her face with gold pins. Aelin fiddled with her hoop earrings as she watched the second hand move around the clock. 
“You’ll be fine.” Lysandra whispered, her head still staring down at the book they were supposed to be silently reading. 
Aelin scooted her chair a little closer to her friend, careful not to make a squeaking noise against the marble tile. “But what if I'm not?” 
Lys didn't look up but Aelin couldn't tell she was no longer actually reading. “Then call me and we’ll get white girl wasted and watch pride and prejudice for the hundredth time.” 
Aelin laughed under her breath, images of Mr. Darcy’s hand flex flashing though her mind. “Can you blame me? I’m a sucker for enemies to lovers.” 
Lysandra shot he a conniving look. “Maybe this is your chance to experience your own enemies to lovers?” 
Aelin scoffed a little too loudly and someone behind them glared. “It would be more like friends who slept together to lovers to enemies to awkwardly fake dating to lovers.” 
Lysandra stifled her laugh and went back to reading. Aelin was glad that she had someone to talk to about whatever the fuck she and Rowan were about to do. Saying she hadn't thought several times about putting the breaks on this whole thing would just be a futile lie. Rowan resented her, he’d made that much clear over their very brief and clipped conversations. A part of Aelin was holding onto a hope that today they’d be able to work some shit out at least. If not, she was in for an incredibly uncomfortable few months. If they even lasted that long. 
Unable to focus, Aelin began doodling on the front of her binder. She was about to run out of space when the bell signalling the end of school rang at last. Aelin swung her bag onto her shoulder and grabbed Lys’ hand, pulling them both out of the classroom. 
“Holy fuck you are so pale.” Lysandra exclaimed. 
Aelin released her and offered a small apologetic smile. “I feel like I might throw up.” There was a moment of awkward silence before Aelin spoke again. “Will you walk to his car with me?” 
Lysandra grinned at her. “Duh! What are best friends for?” 
Normally Aelin would've hugged her but she was too focused on not emptying the contents of her stomach on the school floor. Lysandra was going on about something trivial in her attempts to distract Aelin when she spotted him. 
He was leaning against his car talking to Lorcan and Fenrys. Or more, Fenrys was talking and the other two were listening. Aelin approached him carefully, Lys an ever steady presence on her left. 
“Hey.” She said softly. Fenrys’ talking ceased and all three massive males turned towards her. They all seemed to bear matching expressions; disdain. Despite Lorcan’s body language suggesting indifference, his eyes held a hatred Aelin had rarely seen before. 
She swallowed nervously and bumped Lysandra lightly. Lys, thank god, received the message and smiled widely. 
“I’m Lysandra.” She said, her voice filled with fake sweetness. 
“We know.” Lorcan grumbled at the same time that Fenrys said “Nice to meet you.” 
They both then shot each other matching looks and fell silent. “I’m fine guys.” Rowan said at last, his first time speaking thus far. He had yet to look straight at Aelin. “I’ll come over after.” 
They nodded reluctantly and walked away, Lorcan fighting back a laugh at something Fen said. 
Aelin pulled Lysandra into a long hug. “Call me if you need anything.” Lys whispered in her ear. Then they pulled away and her friend was gone, leaving Aelin and Rowan alone. 
“Hi.” She said again. 
He only nodded at her and walked around to the drivers seat of his car. She groaned internally, already dreading the next few hours.
The car ride to Aedion’s house, where Aelin had been living for two years, was deadly silent. It wasn't really awkward, just the type of tension that you were too scared to break in fear of a storm. 
When they finally pulled into the driveway, Aelin unbuckled her seatbelt and was halfway to the door before Rowan even got out. She unlocked the door with a spare key and walked into the house. Aedion and his mom, Althea, lived in a small semi a few miles from the high school. Upon Aelin’s parents sudden death, the spare room had been shifted into Aelin’s room and Althea had taken her in with a warm heart. 
“Althea I'm home.” She called out into the house. 
A voice came from the kitchen. “I made some sandwiches.” 
Despite herself, Aelin smiled at the prospect of food. Without turning around, she led Rowan through the small hallway and into the kitchen.
Her aunt was sitting at the island, munching on celery and dip when they walked in. Upon recognizing Rowan, she dropped her food, mouth agape. 
“Althea,” Aelin spoke through her teeth. “You remember Rowan. We’re going to study for a bit.” She silently begged her aunt not to question it. 
Ever so slowly, her aunt nodded. “Of course. It’s nice to see you again Rowan.” 
Aelin swiped the plate of sandwiches off of the table and handed them to Rowan. “Take these to my room. I’ll be up in a minute please.” 
He nodded and turned on his heels quickly, clearly desperate to get out of this room. Once Aelin was sure he was out of earshot, she turned back to the kitchen. 
“Oh my god.” Her aunt whisper shouted. “Is that the same Rowan who’s dick I walked in on you sucking.” 
Aelin cringed at the reminder. She selectively tried to forget about that very awkward encounter that had traumatized all involved parties for several weeks.
“Yes.” Was all Aelin could manage to say. 
“The same Rowan who’s heart you shattered on my front lawn while me and Aedion watched from the upstairs window.” 
Aelin began tapping her foot. “Still mad at you for that.” 
Her aunt wasn't deterred. “The same Rowan -” 
Aelin put up a hand to stop her. “From now on how about we just assume it’s all the same Rowan. It’s probably wise considering I only know one.” 
Althea let out a small laugh at that and shooed Aelin out of the kitchen. She walked up the stairs slowly, her steps unhurried on the wearing carpet. Upon arrival at her room, she found Rowan hovering over her desk. He was looking at the pictures she had framed, none of which included him. There had been a time, when nearly every single one those pictures had been him and Aelin together. In the heat of the moment, she’d smashed them all on the ground, glass shattering on her wood floor. She’d immediately regretted it, but the damage was done. Over the months since, she’d gradually replaced the photos with new ones. Her and Lysandra smiling from pool chairs. Her and Aedion drunk and laughing at something Aelin could no longer remember. There was one on the far left of her and Chaol at junior prom that Aelin had forgotten to remove. She looked beautiful that night, with a stunning pale blue dress that shimmered in the moonlight outside the venue. Chaol had looked handsome too, but he wasn't who Aelin had really wanted to be there with. 
It was that photo which Rowan was now staring at, his back to her. Leaning against the door frame, Aelin cleared her throat. Rowan whirled around, his face red as if he’d just been caught in the midst of something illegal. 
“I was just - uh...” He ran a hand through his silver hair in a way familiar to Aelin. 
“It’s fine.” She said, waving her hand dismissively. 
They both took up positions on opposite sides of the bed, Aelin at the head and Rowan at the foot. He crossed and uncrossed his legs a few times before deciding at last to lie on his stomach, legs hanging off her bed. 
“This is awkward.” He said, surprising Aelin enough that she fumbled with the sandwich in her hand before regaining control. 
“Yep.” She nodded, and took a bite to refrain from having to answer. 
He shook his head as if he wanted to say more and pulled out a notepad from his bag. “Let’s make rules and a contract.” 
Finished chewing, Aelin halted to gape at him. “Are you seriously going to make me sign a legally binding contract or some shit. Rules make everything less fun.” 
Rowan didn't meet her eye when he spoke again. “I’ve learned not to trust your word.” 
A blush crept over Aelin’s cheeks and she ignored the sudden pain in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak, to say what, she didn't know, when Rowan interrupted. 
“Besides, this isn't about fun. It’s a mutually benefitting deal.” His voice was dead serious but Aelin couldn't help but scoff. 
“You’ve always been good at making fun things sound like physics homework.” 
“And you’ve always been good at taking nothing seriously and thinking only of yourself.” He looked dead at her when he spoke, his features stone cold. 
Aelin froze up and placed her half eaten sandwich back on the plate. “You’re being mean.” 
A smirk crossed his lips, although she read no real amusement there. “My apologies, your highness.” 
“Fine.” Aelin said, turning away from him to blink back a few barely there tears. “Let’s make rules then.” 
-------------------------
Rowan was being a dick. He knew that. And yet somehow, every time he opened his mouth something mean and condescending came out. Clearly, he wasn't as over Aelin Galathynius as he’s convinced himself to be. Sitting on her bed after school, scrawling notes in a notebook and eating sandwiches brought back memories he’d honestly rather forget. Maybe it had been her Aunt’s reaction to seeing him, or the picture of Chaol on the dresser, but all Rowan knew was that somewhere between the threshold and here, he’d turned into a douchebag. 
Currently, Aelin was rummaging through her desk drawer for a pen. She returned a moment later and handed it to him, careful to avoiding their hands touching. 
“Fake Dating Contract”
Rowan scrawled a title messily at the top of the page, trying to ignore Aelin’s eyes on him. 
“So what’s number one?” He asked out loud. 
She tucked a few loose blond strands of hair behind her ear and bit her lip in the way she always did when she was thinking. Unable to watch the familiar motions anymore, Rowan turned back to his paper. 
“Tell no-one.” He suggested dryly. 
“I already told Lysandra,” she admitted guiltily, “and I’ll have to tell Aedion as well.” 
He had already been expecting that response. “That’s fine. I wanted to tell Lorcan and Fenrys anyway.” 
She nodded in his peripheral vision. “But no one else. If this gets out I'll be the laughing stock of the school.” 
“Of course princess. How dare I endanger your precious reputation? Need I remind you that this was your idea.” His tone was mocking, even as his brain scolded him for the cruel words. 
Aelin blanched and shot him a glare. “Don't act like you don't need this either. I’m getting you what you always wanted.” 
 “How are you even planning on doing that anyway?” 
She wouldn't lie to him about this. Would she?
Then it crossed his mind, he had no fucking clue what she would do. There had been a time when he thought he knew every thought that Aelin had. But then she’d broken his heart and altered his view on people forever. His distrust was both justified and entirely her fault. 
“You won't like it.” Aelin said softly. 
“I don't really care how you do it.” It was a lie. Despite his disdain for her, he didn't want her methods to be anything that put her in danger. 
They went silent for a moment before Rowan spoke again. “What are the limits?”
Aelin arched an eyebrow at him. “Limits.” 
“Yeah.” He sat up, suddenly feeling too uncomfortable to be lying down. “Like if we're going to make people believe it then we’re going to need some displays of public affection or whatever.” 
Rowan didn't even need to look to know Aelin was delighting in how red his face had gone. A wicked smile crossed her face, “Are you trying to seduce me Rowan Whitethorn?” 
He couldn't help the short laugh that escaped his lips. “Stop that,” he grumbled halfheartedly. Aelin had always been the best at making him blush. 
“We’ll kiss here and there, go to a few parties together, and hang out with each others friends a few times. It won't be too hard.” She shrugged as if they were just discussing the weather. 
“Alright.” If she wasn't going to act like this was a big deal, than neither was he. 
Half hour of back and forth conversation and a few snide comments later, the rules were complete. Rowan ripped out the looseleaf paper and held it up for Aelin to read. 
Fake Dating Contract
1. Tell two people each ... ONLY
2. No making out for longer than 30 seconds. 
3. No being rude or resentful to each other in public
4. Rowan must fake date Aelin for four months or until she says otherwise. 
5. Aelin must get Rowan a football tryout by week two
6. Rowan and Aelin’s friend groups have to sit together at lunch
7. ANY RULES BROKEN RESULT IN THE SAID RULE BREAKER BEING BURNED ALIVE. 
Rowan had added the second one, much to Aelin’s amusement. She had stolen the paper at the end to add the last one and sign her name at the bottom, handing it back to Rowan to do the same. 
Once both their signatures were at the bottom, he pocketed the paper and stood to leave. 
“You’re leaving?” Aelin blurted out, clearly uneasy. 
“Why would I stay?” He meant it to come out rude, but it sounded more like a plea for a reason to. 
Aelin hesitated for a moment before offering him a small smile and turning away. Sighing, Rowan quickly exited the room, tiptoeing down the stairs and out the door to avoid any awkward encounters. It was only when he got to his car that he realized just how badly he had wanted her to make him stay. 
--------
TOG TAG LIST (send an ask to be added) 
@queen-of-glass
@courtofjurdan
@fictional-horan
@bamchickawowow
@julemmaes
@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato
@chieflemming
@morganofthewildfire
@http-itsrebecca
@captainswanandclintasha
@booknerdproblems
@sassys-world
@thegoddessofyou
@cityofchelsea16
@loudphantomdragon
@poisonous00
@wesupreme
@becarefuloflove
@more-espresso-less-depresso-xx
@tillyrubes10
@perseusannabeth
@rabodocardan
@heirofthrnightcourt004
@sportfire1089
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9h4mn · 3 years
Text
because it's love | oneus
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➞ oneus as side characters that likes the fl
➞ angst, one sided love
➞ side characters, at times they bring more light to the show then the mcs themselves. how are the 6 guys of oneus as side characters that likes the fl?
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note:
mc - main character
fl - female lead
ml - male lead
warnings: constant switching between stage name and real name, overly possessive mls, terrible fls, sad oneus
ravn:
the pretty boy type
i mean look at him and tell me he doesn't fit this trope
this type of side character is too pretty to be one. many would even argue that he looks better than the ml. he is also portrayed as somewhat vain and plain out confident in his looks
as this is youngjo, he doesn't come out as cocky. he really should be confident because he has the looks to match
so girls (and some boys) confessing to him weren't that much of a surprise. whats surprising however is the fact that not once had he accepted their confessions
people would try to solve the mystery between ravn and his muse but alas it was a mystery better left unsolved
his muse comes in the form of the fl. same neighborhood, same schools all their lives but there was never a chance for them to get close
and his only notable appearance in the fl and ml's story was the time a pissed off ml had punch youngjo to warn the others who stares far too long at the fl
that day ravn didn't knew what hurt more; his face, his ego, or his heart
deep inside that wasn't his concerns. he simply hoped that he wouldn't see fl's scared expression ever again
but how was he to know when the ml used his parents' influence to drive ravn away?
seoho:
the comic relief type
(|||❛︵❛.)
this type of side character has a life where its basically treated as a comedy. whether or not he's doing things intentionally, it will always be treated as a joke and yes it includes him feeling actual pain
seoho had liked his life where he could make everyone smile
he hated seeing sadness or frustration clouding a person and even if he isn't close to them, he tries his best to cheer them up
and while there are times it brings so much humiliation for seoho, their smiles are more than enough
that was what he had thought before he met fl
the fl was the apple of his eyes and that one thing that makes everything better
yet...
why was she laughing at him?
why was she not laughing with him?
how come she never takes him seriously?
he had tried so hard to change his approach or demeanor for even just a second of her stopping with that sneering look but it never happened
he was treated as a joke, he is just a joke for her
but at least she's smiling — he had tried to reason out with himself
true enough if he was in some romcom, a laugh track would insert itself as he was hurting
seoho was there for everyone but who was there for him?
leedo:
the caring type
he looks scary but we all know that isn't the case
this type of side character is just so nice and caring. they might not outwardly say they care but by their actions you could tell that they do
gunhak seriously looks unapproachable but the way he smiles and moves, it erases all the prejudice you had at first glance
that and maybe because he works with children
(yes its kindergarten teacher! leedo time)
parents had thought that their kids would have feared him but now he is their favorite teacher
listen he's just soft for the kiddos and the parents could see that
the fl is also a teacher there and her cubicle is even just across gunhak's
the way how he hovers the fl like some mother chick was not seen as suspicious. almost everyone got that same treatment
it seriously had hurt when the fl has just brushed off his efforts as him being nice. it wasn't that noticeable but he gave the fl more effort than he does to everyone else
though it didn't compare when fl got a boyfriend. it hurt really bad for leedo especially when he sees how well the ml treats her
that should have been him if only he had the courage
keonhee:
the loud type
not to be confused with seoho's
this type of side character is just loud. happy? he screams. sad? he screams. scared? he screams. surprised? he screams. basically screaming is almost his natural response
he tries to control his volume but seriously it is out of control
its a miracle that he still has friends that has no problem being out with him
keonhee is that loud
nearby his university was a cafe that he almost always frequent at
the food and drinks there were really his style... that and it was affordable for a college kid
what connection does that cafe have with the fl? she works there
originally keonhee had thought nothing much of the fl but when she pulled "oh, keonhee right? same order as last time?" he was gone
such simple thing and yet it had managed to steal his heart
that was the beginning of many more mixed signals from fl and keonhee naively thinking of it as a good sign
and then he had witnessed fl running up to ml's — a well known playboy if i may add — arms and kissing the living daylight out of him
fl was just being nice, he shouldn't have assumed
he cried himself to sleep that night
hwanwoong:
the "gay" best friend type
note: emphasis on the air quote ""
this type of side character is the fl's best friend. he is rumored to be gay — the fl herself thinks he's gay — but the truth is he is just one effeminate guy
and what was the problem of being more feminine? hwanwoong saw nothing wrong with it
unfortunately he has to deal with how people treats him with the assumption that he's gay
such a backward society. he could only imagine how much worse it is for those who are truly part of the lgbtq+
no wonder he became known as some social justice warrior... and truthfully it was quite a good distraction to reality
yes it deepens his gay rumors but it was a reasonable excuse for him to not see the fl and ml being lovey dovey with each other
his duo with fl turned into a trio but unlike her promises — and hwanwoong himself did knew better than to believe her — he was an outsider
maybe it was just wistful thinking when back then he believed she'd end up liking him back
even the ml isn't threatened by his presence and every day hwanwoong had hoped it wasn't that cause
maybe by then she'd realize that he too is a man in love
xion:
the ml's brother type
i apologize in advance for the dong twins enthusiast
this type of side character is the brother of the ml. him and the ml are typically seen bickering childishly but they in fact cares for each other
basically just dongju and dongmyeong being true siblings
growing up with his twin had meant a lot of shenanigans — good or bad who cares it was the two of them against the world
around middle school, they both had began having their own crowd and it even reached to high school
they were still brothers but it doesn't necessarily mean that they are close
enter fl. dongju had always told himself that he didn't trust fate but the day he met her he had hoped that they were fated for each other
unfortunately he didn't have that much chance to approach the fl. not only was it hard but it was also because he kept on hesitating
crushing on someone that badly was just new to him
but of course there is no happy ending here
dongmyeong had introduced fl as his girlfriend and the inferiority complex had really slapped xion on the face
he found himself constantly asking why that even he no longer remembers what he's been asking for
whether or not fate is real, it works quite mysteriously
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©9h4mn | all contents belong to me. do not modify or repost.
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lligkv · 4 years
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what the world will look like when it’s over
Can’t Get You Out of My Head is the first Adam Curtis documentary I’ve seen. I gather it’s not the most successful demonstration of his method; it sounds like Hypernormalization or The Century of the Self are tighter in their construction, less effortful (count how many times Curtis says something like “But then it started to run out of control” in this one), and perhaps less frustrating in their narration. In the early episodes of this documentary in particular, it feels like Curtis is constantly presenting what’s being covered as the turn, the decisive shift in his narrative—the emergence of the American counterculture, the revolution of the “unit of One” led by Mao Zedong’s wife Jiang Qing to help her break the stalemate with the other revolutionaries in China into which Zedong had fallen in the 1960s, George Boole’s development of Boolean logic to describe human thought. And the whole thing feels longer and baggier than it needs to be. The early episodes devote much time to interesting individual narratives, like that of the Trinidadian British activist or sorts named Michael Freitas (or Michael X) or a trans woman named Julie in 1960s Britain; they also sprawl in a way that makes the overall argument a bit hard to divine. It’s not until the fourth episode that the shape of Curtis’s narrative becomes clear—that our age is the product of a struggle between a new, broadly liberal-democratic and capitalist image of individualism, a dying era of collectivist struggle, and older, more vicious systems of power, derived from the control of capital and expressed through the middle classes’ suspicion and viciousness toward the subaltern and toward each other, even as they remain subject to the power of oligarchs and billionaires.
Curtis also seems to play fast and loose with the facts sometimes. When he presents Médecins Sans Frontières’s founder Bernard Kouchner as an avatar of a theory of the “one world” of liberal democracy—the idea that we’re basically one world of individuals, enjoying certain human rights regardless of political orientations or ideologies, and that Western nations are duty-bound by virtue of their prosperity to intervene when other nations violate people’s rights—it seems a distortion of what Kouchner actually says in the footage Curtis includes: “We don’t care on leftist or rightist countries [sic]; there is no leftist and rightist suffering, and there is no possibility to split the world in[to] ‘good’ people or ‘bad’ people, ‘good’ dead and ‘bad’ dead.” Which isn’t to say Kouchner didn’t believe in liberal-democratic ideas—he may well have—but what he’s shown as saying has to do with the consideration of suffering as suffering regardless of a person’s identity or allegiance, which is a different matter.
This is just one of several moments when I stopped to wonder how secure I actually was in Curtis’s hands. But ultimately, I find the emotional history he lays out resonant. The age we’re living through now, in the 2020s, is indeed the product of certain fantasies of individualism and of a post-end-of-history, neoliberal “one world”—with no ideologies but capitalism and putative democracy—meeting age-old systems of power, acquisition, and control, and age-old features of the human mind and heart: resentment, prejudice, betrayal, jealousy, the need to be prosperous, the need to be free.
And Curtis’s work appeals to me for the same reason the writer Pankaj Mishra’s work does. He historicizes our underhistoricized time. What’s more, he does so in a way that’s especially rare to see in any mainstream media venue. Usually, when you want to understand the connections between, say, colonial-era empires and post-war welfare states, or if you want to understand what happened to turn Western societies as they were post-war to Western societies as they are post-financialization, you have to seek the information out on your own. It’s valuable to have someone in a place like the BBC willing to put the pieces of these narratives together. And willing to remind us of the events that are so incredibly easy to forget even in one’s own lifetime. Abu Ghraib, for instance, which pops up in part 6 of the documentary. That shit happened while I was alive. How often do I remember it? How many American sins get drowned out in the new ones that emerge every day of every month of every year? Or in the stasis that sets in when what was once novel, like the War on Terror or the invasion into our privacy represented by the Patriot Act, fades into regular life?
I was jotting down copious notes while watching the doc, as is my wont. The questions and thoughts that came up, in no particular order:
How do the elites of a given era impose their preferred ideologies? How are the structures of power we grow up with constructed, and how do those go on to shape our behavior?
Control, as it’s practiced by societies in the 21st century, often comes down to the recognition of patterns in human behavior—and their manipulation.
The loss of power, like that which was suffered after the collapse of Britain’s empire or in the slow hollowing-out of America’s manufacturing industry in the 20th century, leads to anger and melancholy that people can’t be expected to abandon. Does doing what you’re supposed to do bring you the happiness you were promised—or anything even resembling that happiness? When we’re living in a historical moment in which the answer is no, as is often the case today, we’ll need to watch out. It’s a sign people are being manipulated and abused.
Over time, the tech industry has come to understand that you can manage people en masse by collecting their data and manipulating the messages they receive in social media activity feeds and advertising—and you can make them feel like sovereign individuals at the same time through the very same means. In light of all this, will there ever be a revolution that actually changes the structure of power we’re currently stuck in? Is there a chance to alter this extreme individualism. on the part of people who are surrounded by political systems so enervated, by the supra-governmental system that is global finance capital—which politicians can’t control, and must appease and palliate—that they can’t respond to phenomena like climate change or meaningfully punish atrocities like wars prosecuted on false pretenses? Or are we stuck where we are, in a world that’s corrupt and exhausted? In nations whose governments depend on technologies of surveillance and myths of consumerist abundance or nationalist glory to maintain power, in the absence of any real vision for the future?
It all leads to some interesting takeaways. For one, the way culture reacts to politics and vice versa. As I was watching Can’t Get You Out of My Head, I was reminded of a conversation folks on the Discord server for the Relentless Picnic podcast had had recently about the strange things Richard Dawkins posts on his Twitter account. And it led me to think: when religious “caring conservatism” was in the White House, Richard Dawkins and his New Atheism, this brash repudiation of religion and its pieties, grew as a counterweight. When Obama and his technocratic regime were in power, with social media bringing on a wave of progressivism in popular culture and algorithms presenting us a fantasy of endless choice—much of which was a thin veneer over the same old shit: banks getting bailed out, forever wars going on, productivity rising while wages stagnated—we also got Jordan Peterson-types who claimed to speak to a human need for narrative, even in this point of stability we had seemed to reach, this recovery of sanity after the chaos that was the Iraq War and the financial crisis; who claimed we needed ideas and myths to animate and drive our lives, because they sensed there was something hollow and mendacious driving all this consumer choice, for all it seemed a symbol of our freedom and progress.
Of course, both Peterson and Dawkins are provocateurs, not intellectuals; I don’t mean to dignify the movements they led much, since in both the appearance of intellectual rigor or moral clarity often covered the indulgence of the worst instincts: immaturity, obstinacy, provocation for provocation’s sake, contempt for women and trans people. The New Atheists had a point, and could be absolute assholes about it; they ultimately could be as fundamentalist and dogmatic as any religious people. As for Jordan Peterson, his actual work, in the way of so many grand theorists, uses the appearance of profundity to cover something ultimately pretty banal. And he’s most known for grandstanding in the public sphere—refusing to use people’s pronouns, the usual conservative shit. But these movements do seem to reflect a countercultural response no less than 1960s counterculture reflects a reaction to the staid culture of 1950s America and the sins it covered up.
Which leads me to the question: what was the culture’s response to Trump’s administration? Maybe QAnon and Russiagate, as conspiracies—that is, actual narratives people inhabit to explain the world’s evils, and not just a vague need for them that they satisfied with Jordan Peterson’s light form of Stoicism or his theories of Light and Dark or whatever the fuck. And in that way, perhaps, once a countercultural movement—namely nationalism and Trumpian populism—actually seemed to have overthrown a regime, of Obama-era liberal technocratic management, culture and politics came to mirror each other, rather than standing in opposition to each other. Both became equally conspiratorial and unhinged; in fact, they merged. All the ruling myths and conspiracies mutate in kind these days: Trump’s garbage about draining the swamp, a cover for Trump and his family enriching themselves and Stephen Miller’s like getting to fashion the state they wanted, becomes QAnon’s garbage about rings of child trafficking and pedophilia and Trump, of all people, being their savior—all while actual trafficking and abuse perpetuated by Jeffrey Epstein and his ilk goes unpunished, Epstein’s death swallowed up by the state without a sound—becomes the liberal pundit class’s screaming about Russia: connections between Trump and Putin that were always conjectural to me, because no one who pled them seemed to feel much need to substantiate them.
Here again I feel like what were once centrifugal forces in our culture—between mainstream and the independent media, for example; between people in power and their critics, either in the media or at society’s margins—have collapsed into a single morass. We’re all in hell and there’s no way out.
In all this, what does Biden’s administration represent? Little more than an interregnum, to my mind. How disappointing to see not even a gesture toward forgiving student debt or raising the minimum wage in these first 100 days of his presidency. There’s been some progress in climate legislation, and progress in putting Stephen Miller’s deportation machine to a halt (though they’re also reopening several emergency shelters to accommodate more minors already being held past the mandated limits for keeping them in the custody of the Department of Health and Human Services’s Office of Refugee Resettlement). But there’s also been such triangulation on policy by the administration and its supporters and such complacency on the part of the media covering the administration, refusing to call them out on or even cover this. And how can the average voter respond but with resignation?
Ever since I read Thomas Mann’s Doctor Faustus near the start of lockdown, absorbing the picture of the world pre-World War II that’s presented in that book, I’ve thought we’re in the same sort of moment that Mann’s protagonist Zeitblom was in. There’s a crisis that’s passing over this whole planet like a wave or a seismic event, and no human intervention can interrupt it. We can only wait for it to pass—holding on to whatever’s to hand, waiting to see what the world will look like when it’s over.
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swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years
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Glee Live Tour Part 4 - The ShirtGate Essay Dianna published to the felldowntherabbithole Tumblr
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Inserting a cut because this thing is long
or skip Dianna’s gay panic and click here to keep reading the masterpost!
June 2, 2000
What does that day, month and year mean to you? President Bill Clinton used that particular day to declare ”Gay and Lesbian Pride Month”. Nine years later, on June 1st, President Barack Obama spoke to incorporate an even wider group. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered citizens alike could all have this month for recognition, respect and appreciation. However, I am aware that not all minds meet equally about the rights and respect that we should pay to others. As each generation leaves their footprints, and paves the way for what is to come…to some, change is an impossible idea or action to put in motion.
You know what? Often, this unfortunate reality is because of learned behavior! As much as we may often preach that we like to speak for ourselves, or outside the box, how many times have you caught yourself, or someone you know repeating the thoughts of another before them? Sometimes without proper information? And how many times have you felt that perhaps further knowledge on an issue or subject matter might result in a different voice, a different understanding? Perhaps even going against the ideas they’ve learned, heard, or grown up around? We have the ability to fly planes, send astronauts into space, develop technology such as cellphones! Things that once were unfathomable. I can sit at this small computer and type this message. Once I push send, this message can be seen by anyone who’d like to engage, all across the WORLD.
As many of you know, we (the Glee cast) have been storming the country at whirlwind speeds to put on a forty-two show, month-long tour. It has been a constant reminder of why we do this. We’ve witnessed the impact our show has had, from the very beginning, to these moments, three years later. You LOVELY & AMAZING fans! Just indescribable. The love, affirmation, and dedication you provide! We see it all, value it all. Trust me, we do! On stage, the excitement that we absorb from your ball of energy brings our adrenaline levels to highs that often-times, we aren’t sure we can reach. Bottom line, we love you guys. And our crew! Without this diverse group of hard-working people, this venture would be impossible.
Yesterday was June 11th, and we were tackling our newest location, Toronto! We had finished our first concert of the day, and I was about to take a moment to relax before the second. On the way to our dressing rooms, I passed a stack of shirts lined up on the merchandise tables. The white T’s were modeled after shirts we wore in a performance set to Lady Gaga’s, “Born This Way.” This sparked an idea. And that idea ended up on stage.
Kindness moves mountains. Acceptance opens doors, makes room for change, diffuses misunderstanding. Every day, people commit hate crimes because of misunderstandings. Hate effects the target, and consumes the person behind the gun. It is crazy to realize that we have been in war for almost our entire existence on this planet. Many times for reasons of greed and hate.
Anyone that has experienced the death or abuse of a loved one can tell you that, “IT HURTS BEYOND EXPLANATION!!! AND WE SHOULD DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO MAKE ANY CHANGE POSSIBLE.” Raise your hand if you’ve spent nights crying yourself to sleep, raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather hide in bed all day than face the people that make you feel small or powerless! Raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather lie to people than tell them the truth about who you really are, because at least you wouldn’t be the victim of hateful behavior or prejudice! And raise your hand if lying feels almost as bad.
I was not raised in a family that accepted prejudice or hatred. For that, I thank my Mom and Dad each and every day. Look, we are human, we make mistakes. I will gladly shout from the rooftops that I AM NOT PERFECT. Nor will I ever be. But I can happily say that to my knowledge, I do not ever intentionally cause people pain. I love my family, my friends, my co-workers…and they all consist of girls AND boys. I do tell them that I love them. Yesterday, during our second show,  Instead of wearing my usual shirt during “Born This Way” I decided to wear one that said “Likes Girls”. It should actually have read, “Loves Girls”, because I do. The women in my life give me things that the men in my life can’t. And vice-versa. No, I am not a lesbian, yet if I were, I hope that the people in my life could embrace it whole-heartedly. And let me tell you, I can easily spill (quite comfortably) what I admire, respect and think is beautiful about any of the women in my life. Piece of cake!
Last night, I wanted to do something  to show my respect and love for the GLBT community. Support that people could actually see. Which is why I decided to change my shirt for the show. I happened to read a few comments that were posted on twitter. Many of you asked, “why?” This is my response. I am not asking for you to agree with what I am saying, but if you are listening, thank you. That is all I can ask. And a step further would be to take a moment to (honestly) answer the questions that I have raised. We can’t always put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But we can try.
I am lucky to live in a place where I can wear almost anything that I want to express myself, and that jail is not a probable consequence. Which makes me feel as if I should exercise my right to do so every now and then. Think of the people that have died because of their passion and heartfelt hopes of change? So many good men and women. All because of an inherent wish for tolerance, love and support.
Our show celebrates the GLBT community. We are proud to be a part of something that embraces an often avoided topic. Hate is terrible, especially when we pass it down to a new generation of innocents. Recently, I heard a lament about San Francisco. How SFO just didn’t sound like a fun place to be, or visit, because that person wasn’t gay. Wait, really???? I wanted to laugh! But that would have been a response that wouldn’t have encouraged that person to be open-minded. To see that perhaps, their statement was foolish? Why won’t San Francisco be fun for you? Do you think the whole city is gay? Do you think they will judge you? Won’t feed you good food?  Perhaps they won’t let you have fun, the way THEY have fun?
Sadly, we’ve gotten letters from people who explain that they love the show but hate the gay story-lines. That we shouldn’t be polluting their children’s heads. To this I’d sometimes like to sarcastically reply, would you also like us to tell them that a stork is dropping off our offspring? That the sky is purple? That it is not practical to be true to yourself, because there are mean people in this world that will make them feel wrong for being honest? That instead of embracing themselves, they should lie to the world? THEY should be the ones being untrue and unhappy?
I believe that if you are bringing a child into the world, you should be willing to accept them in any reality. Whether they are Black, White, Asian, have four fingers, are disabled, gay….that the only wish should be for a happy and healthy baby. We are each other’s children. Unless someone has committed a violent or hateful act, why should we judge? We can so quickly resort to anger, often, the product of a whole other issue. Most often, an issue with our own self.
I understand that I am sitting behind the protection of this computer screen, in this hotel room, and to many I might sound “preachy”. Especially now that I have written an essay. I hope my intentions sound pure, and just. I speak, because I am passionate. I write with this passion because I know how it feels to be hurt, to be depressed, to not value yourself, or your feelings. If any of this has inspired or moved you, even just made you think….I encourage you to tweet or reblog a picture, quote, anything that you feel will continue to spread the love. And if any are interested in tracking the chain, perhaps visualizing the greater collective, include the hatch tag, #letlovein.
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. - C.S. Lewis
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
Fortune and love favor the brave. - Ovid
AND remember that sometimes….
People need loving the most when they deserve it the least. - John Harrigan
To thine own heart be true. Many thanks for your time, your love, and the gift you’ve given me.
Sincerely,
Dianna Elise Agron
Click here to keep reading!
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jungcity · 4 years
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bane of the devil. | vii
genre: vampire!jaehyun [angst | fluff | smut]
pairings: jaehyun x female reader
words: 5k
warning: bane of the devil deals with themes of deaths, physical, mental, and sexual abuse as well as toxic relationships. which may be upsetting for some readers. you are advised not to continue if you feel uncomfortable to these types of plots.
note: hello! hope you enjoy this short chapter! and i also am hoping that this story doesn’t bore you at all. stay healthy, loves! 🤍
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“he would burn down the castles
of the kings who tried
to conquer her,
he would become the monster
of those who tried
to terrify her,
he would be the shadows of the
devils in her nightmares,
oh heavens,
he would lay waste
to their universe,
if they turn her world
to ashes.”
— bane of the devil // vii
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“What do you think?” Madame Juana looked at you with twinkling eyes, anticipating for your long-awaited answer.
You roamed your eyes around the room. There were two clean beds, with freshly washed linens in blue colors. A sign that you won’t have the bedroom for your own. The fact of having a dorm mate excites you since you’ve never had a new friend aside from Mark and Haechan.
Aside from the beds, there was a massive bookshelf at the far corner of the room, located meters away from the door which you assumed leads to the comfort room. The two beds have small tables at the sides, two lamps placed above it.
“This room feels cozy,” you commented while nodding.
Madame Juana let out a sigh of relief. “That’s good to hear.” She placed a hand at the small of your back and guided you towards the bed. “This is yours,” she stated as you both sank down the mattress.
There were also two windows located at the head of each bed, with thick curtains to block out the sun.
The neat and pristine bed across from yours drew your attention. It looks like it hasn’t been touched ever since. “Who’s my roommate?”
“Oh, she’s Rhianon. She’s currently attending lectures, so you won’t be seeing her anytime soon.”
You nodded your head. Silence fell around the room. You still hadn’t asked about the happenings back in the courtyard. Madame seemed to anticipate your questions, despite her smiling face.
Before departing the clinic, Jane, the nurse, gave you a medicine to help relieve your headache. She advised you to press a clean cloth with ice wrapped in it for one week, to help the swelling of your broken nose. Presently, the swelling has lessened but the pulsating pain is still there.
“I didn’t mean to pry, darling, but what happened to Jaehyun?” Madame searched for your face, “He seemed devastated when he departed the clinic.”
Jaehyun’s disappointed face flashed in your mind instantly. And your own disappointment to yourself came back crashing like a tidal wave. It made you sick to your stomach. He only meant to protect you, but you’ve dismissed his efforts by asking him not to ruin the chance of joining the Academy for you. You have seen it in your own eyes. How had he managed to suppress himself from fighting back the venator. Yet you still condemned him despite holding his patience.
“I… I believe I’ve said something which annoyed him,” you admitted. For hours, you settled yourself on the clinic bed. Yet Jaehyun did not return. You could only wish that he remained out of trouble. The venators weren’t very welcoming, they’d looked at him with contempt and disgust. The reality of him, brawling with a venator, did not earn the good side of the hunters, it had only amplified the hatred they have for his nature.
Madame placed a hand on your shoulder, “Don’t worry, he’s fine.” With that, you snapped your head towards her. You didn’t mean for your face to reflect your eagerness of knowing Jaehyun’s whereabouts, but you supposed you have failed now that Madame seemed to take in your expression with a jovial interest and squinting eyes. “He’s staying across from my own room. I couldn’t place him at the venators’ dorms. Not a friendly place for him to be.”
You exhaled, your worry fading away like a popped bubble. Another silence weighed in on the atmosphere. You wanted to ask Madame about a lot of things. But the point on where to start seemed to be out of your grasp. Your mind could not sort out your questions. Tongue heavy of the words that you’ve been repressing to ask the witch lest you insulted her.
“Madame…” The worlds trailed off. Your eyes stared at the window. Leaves and branches were all that you could see from your position at the third floor of the venatrixes’ dormitory and inside your bedroom. The witch made a humming sound, a sign that she has heard your barely audible whisper. “Why me?”
Uncertainty wasn’t the feeling that you’d expected to feel in the presence of vampire hunters. Before you could step your shoes in the pavements towards the Academy, your heart was burning with determination, your bones screaming for justice. The same fire that has kindled mere hours ago inside you seemed to have doused into ashes now. You feel weak, and unable.
“What do you mean, little dove?”
With the question, you faced her. Courage is something you have been holding on for ages. But it seems to disappear the moment you need it. “I mean… I know I’ve come personally to you. To help me. I don’t mean to sound stupid, but you have tons of hunters to command. They are mortals, too. I don’t understand why did you wait for someone such as me to drive your plan into fruition?” You bit your lip after the words slid out.
Madame Juana’s face was devoid of any emotion. She didn’t look shock, nor did she look affronted by the sudden burst of your curiosities. “Would you believe me if I say no one in the hundreds of hunters under this Academy had knocked on my door and offered to kill Alena for me?” A doleful smile had spread on the woman’s lips. Your heart lurched by the revelation, yet you still had forced yourself not to jump into prejudices and paint the hunters cowards nor ungrateful. “Oh no, don’t look at me like that, Y/N.” She fans her hands between the both of you while chuckling. “They don’t really know about my son. You and Diego are the only person who knows about what happened to him.”
Oblivious you still are of the story behind Madame Juana’s son, despite of the little story she shared with you back in her mansion. Mixed feelings of awe and pride swelled inside you by her words. Diego Asdalis was a man of great importance to the Academy, and you supposed, to Madame’s life too. To be included alongside him as the person whose Madame had confided in was an honor. You feel special all of a sudden.
“But why? Why haven’t you told Lucas? Or Eva? They seemed to respect you like their own mother.” There was no point holding the words back. This is what you have been waiting for; an alone time with Madame.
“Yes, they do. But I didn’t feel any determination in them. Don’t get me wrong, honey. They are courageous, outrageous even at times.” Madame smoothed out her skirt before continuing, “My own powers whispered in me the day I saw you at my gathering.” She stood up and cupped your chin, “You are who I’ve been waiting for, my love. Together, we will destroy Alena. Because I believe she’s the one who killed your parents.”
Brows furrowing and heart thudding at the mention of your parents, you held Madame’s stare. “How?”
“Looking at you right now, Y/N, I know it hasn’t been long since you’ve lost your parents. And trust me, Alena is the only living vampire who’s intrepid enough to kill mortals even under the nose of the treaty.” She caressed your cheek, before planting a soft kiss on your head. As if immediately, the pain in your head seems to lessen, and the broken bones in your nose feels as if they are reconnecting in place. “Now rest, my little dove.”
Madame guided your back as you lay on the bed. Then she covered you with the sheets. Your eyelids drooped, the heaviness of your eyes enough to pull you to slumber. The last thing you had seen before closing them was the swaying of Madame’s skirts as she sauntered up to the door, leaving you to rest.
Dreamless was the sleep that you had. When you woke up, the moon was already on its peak, showering the earth an eerily white-bluish hue. The bed beside you was still neat, a sign that Rhianon hasn’t arrived yet.
Deciding to take a quick shower, you sauntered up to the comfort room, only stopping when your luggages caught your line of sight. They were resting beside a wooden cabinet composed of many drawers. Relief and the sense of familiarity flooded you as you keyed the luggages, revealing your clothes. First thing that caught your attention was your cellphone. You typed in a hurried text for Johnny, Mark, and Haechan, informing them that you have arrived safely. Then you started to unpack all your belongings.
As you fold your clothes and undergarments inside the drawers, different types of gem stones caught your attention once again. There were amethyst, jade, tiger eye, lapis lazuli and more. They sat mere meters away from your drawers. You shrugged and continued on with what you were doing. They must be Rhianon’s.
Then the door creaked open. Behind it emerged a woman the same height as yours. Her skin golden, hair like the shot of darkness. She’s not wearing the uniform of a venatrix, instead she’s clad in a simple t-shirt paired with pants and a rubber shoes. As she caught sight of you, she scrunched up her nose and fixed her thick glasses.
“Oh! You must be Y/N!” Excitement laced her voice as she trudged towards you. Her hand stretched out as if on cue. “I’m Rhianon!”
You wiped your palms with your pants before taking her hand, “Nice to meet you, Rhianon.” Then you flashed her a smile, hoping that it was friendly enough.
Rhianon shook your hand, presenting you her pearlescent white teeth. “Rhi is okay.” Rhi’s eyes found your luggages, her mouth formed a light ‘o’. “Do you need any help?”
“Oh no! It’s okay.”
“Alright, then. I’ll leave you to your work— wait! What happened to your nose?” Rhianon pointed at your nose, both concern and inquisitiveness plain on her face.
Your fingers touched the swell. It has receded and feel less worse than earlier. “Oh… A brawl–” Your words were caught in your throat as Rhianon put a finger to seal your lips.
“Wait! I’ll take a quick shower and then you will tell me what happened! Alright?”
Before you could utter another word, she already flew towards the bathroom. Leaving you confused but chortling nonetheless. It would seem like you will have a good time with Rhi.
Rhi took half an hour to clean herself. While you fixed all that you need to fix. The thought of Jaehyun felt like a stain in your mind, no matter how much you try to wash it off, it doesn’t seem to fade. Madame assured you that he’s residing across her own room, but that gave you little comfort. Jaehyun is a vampire— an impatient one at that. Problem is, you hadn’t had the chance to ask where Madame Juana’s room was, so you could at least talk to Jaehyun. Perhaps Rhianon could help you.
Your roommate exited the bathroom wrapped in a towel. She doesn’t seem to look bothered to you sitting on your bed as she started to dress herself on her pajamas. All felt unfamiliar to you, being that your friends were all men and that it’s your first time leaving in a dorm.
“Have you had dinner yet?” Rhianon asked, her raven-black and thick hair wrapped in a towel. Her cheeks were flushed. And she was squinting at you, as if it pains her to see without her glasses.
A growl vibrated from your stomach as she spoke the questions. You’ve never eaten anything ever since your arrival in the Academy. “Not yet.”
Rhianon’s hands wandered through her own drawers beside her bed as if on mannerism. Her hand emerged with her glasses, she put it over her eyes with ease. “Let’s eat! My treat!” She smiled, then her hands were gripping yours, pulling you on your feet.
“Oh, I haven’t showered yet. I probably stink.”
A frown painted Rhi’s lips, but she eventually smiled and told you to shower. You got up on your feet, your own pajamas ready at the top of your drawers. The presence of the bookshelf waved at you before you could enter the bathroom. Large and thick tomes were resting on its space. You caught a quick glance of the word majica before you turned your attention to Rhianon, who’s currently combing her long hair.
“Are these yours?” You politely asked.
Rhi continued to comb her hair as she craned her neck to look at you. “Yes. I am a sucker for everything about magic.” She presented you a smile, but there was a glint of dubiety behind it. Or perhaps you were just being paranoid.
“That actually tastes like crap,” Rhianon warned you as you took a spoonful of something leafy at the canteen counter.
A quick glance was what you gave at the glaring woman behind the counter. Rhianon continued to scoop different meals to her plate, unfazed by the glare thrown at her by the woman, who was probably the cook. You stretched out your lips to a smile, before hurriedly scooping your own meal and dashing for an empty table at the farthest corner of the canteen. Few venatrixes could be seen eating, some of them throwing you curious glances over their shoulders.
“I mean, I’d completely understand if you don’t want to talk about it, but why is everyone looking at you?” Rhianon asked through a mouthful. Based on her reactions, you have concluded that Rhi hasn’t yet heard about the spectacle brought down by a venator and a vampire earlier at the courtyard. And here you were, thinking that all aspiring hunters had heard of it already, leaving no one in the shadows.
You took a bite off your food, your taste buds dysfunctional because of impertinent eyes around you. “Well, it’s because of earlier.”
Rhi shot up an eyebrow while taking a swig off her drinks. “What happened earlier?” Then she wiped her mouth with a table napkin. “Sorry, I’ve been studying about strategies all day that I’ve missed what’s going on in the outside world.”
“A vampire and a venator fought,” you started. A sudden wince flashed through you by the memory.
“Vampire?!” Rhi slapped a hand on the table, garnering looks from every corner of the room. “That’s… I don’t have any word for it. How did a vampire passed through the main building without being decapitated?”
Confusion reigned in you. Just how long had Rhianon stayed studying to miss such informations?
“The vampire, he’s my friend.” Well, partly. And after what had transpired between you and Jaehyun inside the clinic, you weren’t so sure if he’d even consider you as one.
Rhi’s confusion seemed to mirror yours. You’ve expected another slap on her hands to the table but none came. She’d only squinted her eyes towards you, awaiting for further informations.
You pursed your lips and played with the food on your plate with a fork. “It’s complicated. But Madame has allowed him to reside here, with me. Until I’m capable of—” Words died in your throat. Madame had confided in you about her son, no one else except Diego. And he’s long dead. It doesn’t feel right to tell everything to Rhianon mere hours after meeting her. ���Of killing a vampire.” You forced a smile.
The girl in front of you regarded you with scrutiny. Then her expression eased, understanding raw on her face. “I know you’re not telling the truth, since you’ve said nothing regarding the vampire. But I’m gonna let it pass.” She crossed her arms against her chest. “It’s not polite for me to pry.”
You blinked, “Thank you, Rhi.”
“So, how did you end up here?” Her friendly façade was back in an instant. You felt yourself slowly becoming comfortable in her presence. “Other than to train yourself to kill a vampire.”
A slight shrug was what you accompanied your answer with. “Well, I’ve never really believed that vampires existed. Not until they murdered my parents.” The familiar thorny lump wrapped your throat once again.
Rhianon gasped, her eyes grief-stricken. “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
“It’s okay. It has happened such a long time ago. But you could never really recover from the loss of a loved one, right?” A bitter smile crept on your lips after you stated the words.
Rhi reached for you hand over the table, and squeeze it tightly with hers. “I may have not experienced your pain yet, but I want you to know that I understand exactly what you’re going through.” The smile she gave you didn’t reach her eyes. “That vampire must pay, Y/N.” Determination glinted in her eyes like wild fire. Your own hopes surged up in your chest like a rocket.
“Yes. I’ll make them pay.” For the first time since you stepped inside the Academy, your missing passion for vengeance seemed to come back within your grasp. And you will never allow it to slip like sand between your fingers just like it did earlier, ever again.
After your dinner with Rhianon, she invited you to pick up your uniforms to the main building. According to her, if Madame had personally enrolled you, all your documents must’ve been already processed.
And it was. It took you less than ten minutes to obtain the uniforms. The seamstress who’s supervising the distribution of suits only measured your body. And after minutes of her digging all the uniforms at the storage room, she’d emerged with three pairs of black suits for you to wear tomorrow for your first day of training.
It was discussed by Rhianon that you didn’t have to wear the black suit if you were only attending lectures, such as her today. A slight dread was what you felt upon seeing that your first day tomorrow requires you to wear the uniform.
“It’s uncomfortable at first, but you’ll definitely get used to it.” Rhianon assured you when she saw a frown which literally pulled down your lips to your chin. “And it’s helpful during battles,” she added.
The thought made you wonder if Rhianon have already killed a vampire. You drew in a halt as you reached the second level of the dormitory. “Have you ever killed Rhi?”
The girl focused her gaze at you, her own steps faltering. Rhianon smiled, “Not yet. I’ve never even seen a vampire before.” Then she ascended the stairs.
You jogged to meet her steps. Questions filling your mind. “Why is that?”
She merely shrugged, “I really didn’t join this Academy to kill vampires.” And just when you opened your mouth to ask more questions, Rhi already spoke. “I joined because of Madame.”
More questions stack up in your mind. Why had she joined for Madame? Are they related? Does she have the some fate as you? The same reason as you? Your brows were furrowed as you continued to climb the stairs. Different questions were jumbled in your mind, causing mayhem of curiosities threatening to burst through your mouth.
Your steps were halted as Rhianon’s arm outstretched suddenly, lightly pressing in on your stomach.
“Who is that?” She asked, not looking at you but to the tall figure of a boy standing in front of your bedroom’s door.
Your heart started to jump in frenetic patters. The figure was all too familiar, even if you hated to admit it. After months of being together, of sleuthing your way to the mysteries of your parents death, you haven’t noticed yourself becoming extremely familiar to Jaehyun’s visage even in the kiss of darkness.
“I know him,” you declared.
As if on instant, Rhianon’s hand flew to yours. She was gripping your hand tightly with hers, but not enough as to induce pain in your bones. She seemed more excited than ever. “Is he the vampire?”
A simple nod was what you answered her. Then the both of you continued to walk towards Jaehyun. With every step that you take, your heart appears to skyrocket out of your chest and into the skies. The only thing that’s keeping you tethered to the ground was the tight grip of Rhianon around your hand. Her aura was undeniably mixed with both perturbation and elation.
The little light from the corridors painted half of Jaehyun’s face, making it hard for you to decipher his emotions. Rhianon could jump from excitement as you finally stood face to face with him. The boy in front of you merely glanced at your roommate. His eyes were piercing cold as he regarded you with an icy stare.
“What are you doing here?” You tried to produce indifference with your voice. The faint rise of his eyebrow told you it was successful.
Jaehyun’s gaze could pierce right at your very bones and soul. But you held his stare as long as you could. “You’d been cruel toward me in the clinic. But here I am, finding myself searching and coming back for you howbeit.”
A gasp rose from the girl beside you. Rhianon seems to enjoy the view unfolding before her very eyes. However, her sound of surprise fell on deaf ears as Jaehyun continued to penetrate you with his stare. Hearts elating against your will, you broke the eye contact first. The light of the corridor directly flashes your face, and you couldn’t bare Jaehyun to witness your flustered cheeks. What’s with all these sudden charmingly gallant words?
You cleared your throat before speaking, “Boys aren’t allowed here.” Then you pointed your finger on the sign plastered not five paces away from the three of you.
The familiar smirk warmed Jaehyun’s face. “Do you really think a simple sign would stop me from seeing you?”
Before Rhianon could incite another squeal, you veered for the door handle and swiftly but softly shoved your roommate inside.
“Gods, it’s my first time seeing a vampire up close.” was her statement. All while trying to tiptoe to have a glimpse of Jaehyun again. A small chuckle was what you gave her, afraid of Jaehyun overhearing Rhianon’s excited squeals.
“I’ll be back.” Then you shut the door closed.
Jaehyun’s spine was leaning on the corridor’s railings, his elbows propped above the granite stone. He regarded you with depthless eyes, his whole façade dark as his back caught the moonlight entirely. The cold sweep of the night air brush past your cheeks as you sauntered up beside him. The copse of trees from the nearby forest filled your sight. Lush branches swayed back and forth as the crisp wind whispered on the leaves.
“What are you doing here?” You gripped the edge of the granite stone railings. Sight stretching far away to the horizon spreading before you. The Academy was conspicuously far from the lights and life of the city. That much was obvious for you have failed to see any nearby houses from the school.
The click of a lighter, then the smoke from Jaehyun’s cigarettes commixed with the night air. “Checking up on you and your broken nose,” he stated.
“I’m fine.”
There is nothing to worry about. You were certain of the magic that flowed in your bones as Madame kissed your head earlier. She had lessened the pain, and even fastened your broken bones together. All was left of your torturously swelling nose was a red tint, as you saw it earlier when you showered.
“This idea of yours still perplexes me.” Jaehyun turned on his front. You were both facing the endless copse of trees. His cigarette providing a tinge of red in the darkness of the night. “Do you think it’s necessary for you to join this Academy? I could train you myself. You need not bother yourself with all these arduous yet stupid trainings.”
Surprisingly, his bluntness didn’t confound you anymore. It was expected of him to say such things, now that he is surrounded by his potential enemies. Of course, he does not trust them.
Waves of memories swept through you. The fallen vampire on top of you, literally heartless and dead. And of you rinsing your body off his blood. How had you cried inside the four walls of your bathroom, how you vomited your guts out to the toilet bowl. And how your bones screamed in terror by the memory of it. Until now you feel restless. As if at any moment, a vampire would jump you, to bite your neck or slice your throat, and drink all your blood.
“After the vampire incident, I felt vulnerable. Weak. And I vowed not to feel the same ever again.” You pursed your lips together to stop your lips from trembling, your voice from cracking. The promise you made of not admitting your fears to Jaehyun was like a bottle of pride that you had decided to throw away. It was funny how had he managed to sipped in your weakest points just like that.
He was silent beside you, and you took it as a sign that he was listening.
“No matter what I do, no matter how long it has been, the nightmares of my parents’ gruesome death always visits me at night.” The wind seared your unblinking eyes, urging the tears to slip out at last. But haven’t you cried enough? “It was like a hole spiraling. Little by little it eats up on me, leaving nothing but void.” A soundless chuckle echoed through your lips. “Only the answer of who killed them would banish this emptiness.”
“And you supposed that joining Venatrix is the way?” There was no mock in his voice, just pure curiosity. And dare you say it— concern. Concern that appears to ooze out of his every word.
“Yes. Because vampires are cruel. No offense meant.”
“None taken.” A thick cloud of white smoke flew to the air after Jaehyun dragged a long sip off his cigarette.
“If I don’t stay in a place where I am understood, I’d simply lose it, Jaehyun.” You twiddled with your fingers. “And in here, I think they understand me. I feel as if, for the first time, I am at a place where I belong.”
That was partly a lie. There was no assurance of what tomorrow will unfold. Whether the venatrix would be willing to help you train so you could carry out your mission, or they would simply look down on your lack of skills. Still, you believe that there is a link that connects you with the students residing in this Academy; that they, too, have suffered in the hands of a vampire that’s why they’re here.
“I understand you. Does that mean you belong to me?”
At his words, your heart began to beat in a panic-stricken rhythm yet again. You snapped your gaze towards Jaehyun, expecting to see his infamous mischievous smile and playful smirk. But his face was cold of emotions.
“Don’t be silly, Jaehyun.” You tried to chuckle, easing the atmosphere between you.
“See?” He gave out a long and meaningful sound from his mouth that resonated the likeliness of a sigh, “You feel as if they understand you, but that does not mean you belong here.”
Up until now, you still couldn’t understand his dissent about your joining the Academy. Jaehyun was an enigma. And you do not believe you could decode him anytime sooner.
“You’re confusing. If my memory was right, you were literally the one who was jumpy to go straight to Madame after Alena’s attempt on our lives.”
“Yes. Because I thought you’d be safe in her hands.”
A crease had formed in your forehead. This is confusing. “Am I not safe in her hands? Don’t you trust Madame?”
Jaehyun glanced around him, his own irises turning red. As if he was trying to scout every tree, and every branch for any spying ears. “Not one iota, Y/N. Everything is suspicious. Her sudden judgment that you could take down Alena by a mere curse she’s brought upon her is dubious in every way.”
A needle-like pain pinned in your heart by his statement. It sounded like he does not trust your ability to kill Alena. However, you were well assured that it’s not what he was trying to say. You gulped down the poisonous thoughts and focused on him intently.
“What did she tell you before I showed myself in her parlor?” Jaehyun asked.
Just like everyone else in your life, except for your brother and your two friends, Jaehyun could still pass as a stranger to you. Yet the sincerity etched on his eyes as he inquired about your discussion with Madame had stirred something inside you to unfold everything to him.
“She said she wanted to take vengeance for the turning of his son into a vampire.” By Alena. You decided not to speak the words. As much as Jaehyun hates to admit it, you know he’s suffering because of Alena’s selfish choices of turning him into a blood-sucking creature.
The man beside you nodded. His eyes glasslike as he took in your words while staring at nowhere. “Quite a heavy reason. But not convincing enough. Juana is a powerful witch. If she wanted vengeance, she could easily take that with her magic. There’s no need to curse Alena to die in the hands of a mortal.” Vampires do not blink. Jaehyun did not. Even after staring at nowhere for minutes. It hurts even your own eyes to see it.
“So why did she curse her like that?”
Madame Juana’s not lying to you, right?
“That’s what we will find out, Y/N. For the mean time, do what she says. Train as much as you can. Make yourself stronger. And we will find out her true intentions together.”
Your fingers brushed against each other as Jaehyun pressed his palms flat on the granite railings, preparing himself for a jump. Terror crawled in your bones by the realization. You were at the third-storey of the Venatrixes’ dormitory for heaven’s sake!
“What are you doing? Jaehyun just take the stairs!”
In deaf ears, that’s where your frantic warnings passed through.
Jaehyun smiled a smugly one at you, “Don’t worry. I won’t let anybody hurt you here.” Then he pressed his lips on the top of your head before jumping.
You suppressed a scream, half of your body leaning against the railings to see Jaehyun. Feeling as if your own heart is dropping on your feet for every second that you don’t see him.
And there he was. Standing on the ground. Unscathed and waving at you. It took him a blink to run away from the dorms and into the night.
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mcl-pauly · 4 years
Video
youtube
I didn’t wanna study so instead I made a transcript of a video that might interest some people ? From the video’s description :
Hélène Sellier is a researcher and writer of otome - narrative dating games that tend to reinforce conventional gender roles. Hélène asks how we can write modern interactive love stories without imposing traditional gender norms on young women?
Hélène Sellier is one of the two writers for Moonlight lovers. From her website :
I am a researcher, a writer and a teacher. In French and in English, I work on contemporary fictions and media cultures.
I had the opportunity to participate to the creation of the characters and the narrative structure. I also wrote the dialogues of three of the six main branches.  
I only transcripted starting 11:25, because that’s when she goes more into details about ML. Before that, she talks about the history of otome games, you can give it a listen if you’re interested.
Keep in mind that she’s only one of the writers. The game wasn’t released yet when she made that presentation.
“So the story basically is about a young girl who lost her parents when she was a baby and when she’s turning 18, she discovers the mansion they owned and now six vampires live in the lost building and an incident occurs when she visits the place for the first time. So the player has to choose one vampire who will save her. This choice basically determines her crush -which means the player-character will come to love at the end-. Obviously. Because it’s an otome game.
So first of all, I decided to give flesh to the player-character. Of course, the cliche of the orphan was used and there are a lot of cliches used. But I didn’t want her to feel like a blank sheet and to create identification, I mainly relied on memories that are easily shared. For example being sick as a child or arguing with friends or learning lessons. I used feelings and sensations rather than detailed settings and precise time description. I rely a lot on the cooperation of the player who is supposed to interpret the gaps in the text to make the adventure on. And if you know Umberto Eco, the gaps are what he talks about -sorry, researcher here *laughs*-.
So, however, a narrative voice is used to explore the entire life of the character and it contrasts a lot with the dialogues since I’m using past tense and a lot of figure of speech to describe the complexity of emotion. My aim is to encourage the player to reflect on her/their own feeling and the challenge was to find the right balance between giving flesh to the character without imposing any views. So I wanted to create a strong character, but I didn’t want to pressure the player into being always brave and heroic, so sometimes you don’t cope with a situation like you wanted to, but that’s okay you know, and the numerical system is on hold and you’re not penalized by it.
(Precisions about what’s the numerical system (3:27) : if we look at a game structure [...] each answer influences the relationship between the player-character and the NPC so you can gain or lose points. Since your aim is to date the character [...] often this means that you’ll choose the answer that you think will make him like you the most. And sometimes there are a lot characters you can love so the answer is embedded in several numerical systems. Which means the answer A for example can make you progress in one relationship and set you back in another. So this game system obviously allows the narrative designer to create all types of (? not sure at all lol) relationships and give freedom to the player to create her own persona in the game.)
In the same line of thought, I didn’t want the relationship with the crush to be unidimensional. Agreeing with him or pleasing him or wanting to be with him at any cost isn’t always the best option for him to fall in love with you. This means that the connection grows when the actions of the player-character are in line with the values the crush has. For example one of them values courage and action and another one values caution and reflection and you have to align yourself with those values rather than always trying to please him.
So a system of point is used but I tried for each paths, you know, to be as interesting as possible, even if the relationship between the player-character and the crush is not absolute love or perfect, there is room for interesting nuances, you know, in the relationship. In some routes -and this is a small victory for me- I gave the choice to the player not to fall in love (and yeah that was a big victory for me *laughs*).
So even if one character of the whole set is the center of the player’s attention, I tried not to use the other ones as props for him to exist. I wouldn’t want, for example, women to be set in the background or to be seen as interchangeable, so I didn’t create secondary characters that way. So of course, because this is an otome game, the player-character can’t interact as much with all the vampires when the crush is chosen. But at the same time, she can develop friendships, have interesting conversations outside the ones with her crush.
So, each vampire has obviously his own personality and that also means his own views and prejudices on women. And I chose to include sexist comments. But the player-character notices those comments. And I didn’t want to pressure the player in always answering those comments, so you can choose to ignore them and deal with them in your own way. And the numerical system is once again on hold and you deal with that as you want to. 
The game doesn’t address frontally the discriminations women face everyday but there are situations where the question is raised. For example I included an exchange about pregnancy and the player can use this space to think about what she wants and express her feelings without any prejudices or without feeling being judged. So some of the questions resonate with feminism in this game but it’s not the main focus because it’s an otome game. For example, this is not obvious here, but there are room for questions about other type of sexualities and heterosexuality.
And a lot of player playing otome games look forward to the sex scenes, but there are more and more visual novel about love without them. So, I made sure that the scene was either very light, not crude, or completely optional. And I didn’t want the player to be surprised, so the text clearly states when it’s- they did it that way (?). The type of representation that I chose was realistic but centered on emotion rather than actual description. The aim of this scene was first and foremost to validate the desires a woman has. So contrary to contemporary fiction in general, I did not push the text towards speaking about feelings and love but more about physical desire. Another issue was that in contemporary fiction women are often described as passive. I tried not to avoid that, but rather to put passivity as a choice to be taken amongst other. So, the thing is I didn’t want to impose a right way to be with someone. And the diversity of the situation also led me to write about the failures and the awkwardness of those moments. 
Another question linked with sexuality that emerged was the fact that in popular culture, the bite of vampire is often linked with sexuality. Those moments vary a lot according to the vampire you choose but I used them as a way to give power to the woman. Because most of the time in contemporary fiction, the woman is once again, passive while the vampire bites her but here, I wanted her to have the power to feed the vampire. So most of the times the blood is given voluntarily and when it’s not, I was very careful not to embellish the experience. Which means that, there is a scene treated like a memory of a rape but I was very careful not to oblige the player to experience it, including a possibility to back away from the memory.
So my concerns about the role given to the female protagonist influenced the way that I established a relationship with the male character and some part of the story, but also how I designed the narrative structure. Since for me feminism is about empowerment, I tried to encourage the player to think outside of the box and to trust their own skills. Which means that exploration is rewarded. Often, if the player doesn’t follow what the text says explicitly, but rather tries to find another way to find the information, then she has a bonus. For example, some points in the game system or a completely optional narrative scene.
So feminism is about choice for me, and the visual novel seems to be a very interesting genre to encourage the player to experiment different identities and different ways to be with someone they love. So in narrative design, this means I included as much choices as possible. Even if we all know here that not all of them create an interactive storyline. 
To conclude those ideas I decided to use an image of the end of Doki Doki Littérature Club and it’s a visual novel I’m sure you’ve played or you have on your wishlist. The agency of the player here is denied since she has only one choice and I thought it was a good way to express the fact that writing a feminist otome is not only possible but also necessary, in the fact that it doesn’t mean not writing enough story or revolutionize the genre or talking only about the issues women encounter on a daily basis. I think it only means being aware of the cultural impact of what we are writing and trying very, very hard not to impose views and experiences as the right ones.”
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doctorthedoctor · 5 years
Text
Long thasmin (mostly Yaz) rambles under the cut. I have a lot of feelings about it, but that’s nothing new.
tl;dr Yaz is queer and I really hope this is where they actually plan on going with it.
I wish we knew if they’re planning on making Yaz canonically queer. If they are, I’m so interested in where she’s at in terms of her relationship with her identity. We’ve gotten a glimpse into her past, but there’s still so much we don’t know, like why she was bullied and what prompted her to run off. She’s clearly had to pull herself out of a very dark place, yet we hardly know any details about what bought her there (funny how that sounds exactly like the Doctor).
I know a lot of people are of the belief that Najia is the captain of the thasmin ship, but I’ve personally never felt that way. To me, she doesn’t look or sound thrilled by the concept of Yaz seeing the Doctor when she asks about it. And Yaz doesn’t seem very comfortable with the question. She initially responds with a disgruntled, “Not now!” and punctuates the exchange with, “Please, can we not have this conversation now? And not in front of [Robertson].” And between those lines, neither she nor the Doctor give Najia a clear answer.
This is just my take and it could very well be wrong, but the fact that Yaz expresses multiple times that she doesn’t want to talk about it tells me that a conversation of this nature has happened before. And judging by the tension between them, it probably didn’t go very smoothly.
I mean, nothing about this exchange looked or sounded comfortable to me:
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It’s notably different from how Najia and Yaz interact later when the same question is asked about her and Ryan. The two respond with an immediate and definitive, “No.” Najia seems disappointed by their answer, yet she doesn’t press the topic and the story moves forward. This exchange ends up being significantly shorter than the first, solely because Najia accepted their answer the first time around.
Does anyone smell some heteronormativity in the air? Queer people are painfully familiar with having to spend time explaining their identity to others. It’s a conversation we’re forced to have over and over throughout our lives. That definitely sounds like an experience Yaz can relate to.
Ryan and Yaz look uncomfortable when she asks (which is understandable), but Najia looks much happier about the concept and disappointed when she finds out they aren’t dating:
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And even the staging is interesting. Najia is positioned between Yaz and Ryan in the second scene, as opposed to being placed next to Yaz with a desk between them and the Doctor. When she’s talking to Yaz and Ryan, she’s on the same level as them and sounds friendlier. But when she’s talking to the Doctor, Yaz is sitting while she stands and assumes a more authoritative position/tone.
Sure, the Doctor is a stranger and Ryan is a childhood friend, but the Doctor was so nice to Najia when she met her. As far as I can remember, she never gave her a solid reason to be suspicious. If anything, she was too nice, given the way Najia reacts to the hug and compliment about her daughter, then proceeds to distance herself. She’s not Yaz’s mum, she’s Najia. And at the end of the episode, she continues to press Yaz about the Doctor, but never mentions Ryan again.
We know that there’s been a strain on her home life at some point after hearing her conversation with that officer, because she mentions Yaz’s parents not understanding her (not getting “what’s up”). As they they talk, the officer mentions Yaz wanting to run away from everyone, including herself. In trying to convince her that these feelings will pass, she essentially tells her there’s something good waiting on the other side if she runs toward herself instead—which is something queer people really need to hear.
It’s obviously not the only factor, and like I said, I could be wrong but...this sure does look like something that would make a person run from who they are:
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After all, Yaz did promise her mom she would tell her about the Doctor when she got back from picking up bread, then proceeded to run off with her. As far as we know, Najia is still in the dark about their relationship—whatever that happens to be.
Aside from that, Yaz is the only one in the fam who hasn’t had any romantic interactions outside of the Doctor and the Master. I guess we could also count Ryan (I’m not against it because I headcanon her as bi) but I genuinely get more of a sibling vibe from them. Regardless, we all know the Master cozied up to Yaz because she fits the mold of who the Doctor has traveled with in the past. I can’t speak to classic who, but from Nine and on, the Doctor’s got a type and we all know it, including the Master.
Then we have all of the parallels between thasmin and various couples in the show. I’m not even going to begin to list them, but the crumbs are abundant and delicious. That gay cop and astronaut? I mean, come on.
On top of all that, the one really Yaz centric episode we’ve had dealt with themes of prejudice and a love within her own family that broke away from societal norms. Like, shit. The Doctor married Prem and Umbreen in a small, private ceremony because she was the only one who was willing to look past their religions. And because this was a relationship that went unknown to Yaz (for a vastly different reason, but still), even she wasn’t happy with the Doctor for agreeing to it at first.
Though private, their marriage was an act of rebellion against outside forces. And who did Umbreen specifically have tension with about the concept of marrying someone who was Hindu? Her mother. But she and Prem even created a new wedding tradition that celebrated their own love by tying their hands with the rope that fell in the water. “Now it can be our thing, if we want it to be,” Umbreen said.
(This is a side note, but if Najia truly isn’t chill about Yaz being queer, I really want to see Umbreen tell her about Prem. I want to hear her recount her experiences with her own love being scrutinized and challenged. I think it would be a cool way for Najia to learn who the Doctor really is, and just how much of a positive impact she and Yaz have made on her life already.)
Yaz struggled in Demons of the Punjab because everything she believed to be true about Umbreen’s life (and her own by extension) turned out to be so different from what she expected. But what she witnessed in that episode helped her understand that people deserve to share their experiences on their own terms. If that doesn’t translate into a narrative about Yaz’s own identity, I don’t know what will.
In season 12, Yaz spent this entire time focusing on the Doctor, but it was executed in a way that furthered her own development. Yaz clearly has feelings for her, but now we have a better understanding of what traveling with the Doctor means to her as a whole. Yaz idolizes her, constantly thinks about what she would say or do. She wants to impress her, prove herself capable of solving problems and saving people. In the process of doing this, she’s grown more confident in her own abilities, independently breathing hope and action into situations that feel paralyzing and hopeless. This is exactly what Yaz has wanted all along, with or without the Doctor. Yaz wants to matter and she wants to do work that matters. The Doctor gives her this. She tells her they can’t have a universe without her. She gives her the chance to make an impact in a way she doesn’t feel like she can at home.
I think their relationship could serve as such a wonderful catalyst for Yaz to step into her own identity and eventually find her place without needing the Doctor. Like Graham said, she doesn’t have a time machine or a sonic, but she’s doing the whole human race proud. Yaz deserves a “You were fantastic. And know what? So was I” moment.
I love thasmin as much as the next person, but I’m honestly less interested in seeing her feelings reciprocated by the Doctor than I am in witnessing Yaz’s journey to confront her feelings in the first place. I want to see or hear her express them in a way that leaves no room for doubt. Everything feels so blatantly intentional at this point, but there’s still just enough ambiguity for me to worry that they’re not going to follow through. They’ve planted all these wonderful little seeds along the way, it would be such a disservice to all fans (not just queer fans) if we never get to see them bloom.
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