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zukka fic rec list (post-canon)
howdy! i’ve been collecting zukka fics i like since uhhh june and now i am sharing my lists with the world. i’m splitting it into three posts so it hopefully wont be too long. this is the second one: post-canon fics! the other two will be canon era and modern au. [side note!! if youd like a specific type of rec list,, i.e. soulmate au, fake dating, ambassador sokka,, hmu and i’ll post a list !!]
within this post, the fics are in word count order! also, if you’d like a soundtrack for your reading, i might recommend my zukka playlist :^) happy reading!
speak ill by @moonsongdotmp3
-4111 words, teen
-developing/established relationship, ozai hate <3
"I hate your dad so much,” Sokka considers for a second. He tries to mix it up as often as he can when they play this game. “That I have considered starting an official petition begging Aang to reconsider his commitment to nonviolence.” // It’s quiet for a beat. He’s afraid he’s miscalculated, but Zuko laughs, broken and sincere. // (Or: 5, 8, 15 years after the war, Sokka talks shit about Ozai.)
Friends Don’t Let Friends Fake Date Each Other by @d-naggeluide
-5349 words, general
-fake dating, coming out, kinda crackfic
Toph demands that Zuko fake date her. This goes just about as well as can be expected. Sokka steps in to show them how it's done, and this goes a bit better than expected.
Oh, How We Find Our Way by @donvex
-6043 words, teen
-bed sharing, hurt/comfort, domestic fluff
In which Zuko doesn’t sleep nearly enough once he takes up the throne, and Sokka isn’t having it. And maybe they get to fall in love on the way, as a treat.
(let me be) there for you by @bisexuallsokka
-8471 words, teen
-friends/idiots to lovers, mutual pining, getting together
Sokka pulls out a clean piece of parchment and starts to write: Reasons Why Sokka Would Be A Great Bodyguard for Lord Zuko // He smiles in satisfaction at the title. Seeing it in writing only makes him feel more confident in this brilliant, two-minute-old idea of his. Zuko is one of his closest friends, and Sokka is a great fighter, he would be the perfect bodyguard! He has the entirety of his trip in the Fire Nation to prove it to Zuko. This is going to be a piece of cake.
This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas
-8921 words, explicit
-royalty/moon spirit!sokka, childhood friends to lovers, no war au, mutual pining, fluff and angst
If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.
the thing about dancing by anodymalion
-9713 words, teen
-trans sokka, family angst
The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.
Will You Fake Date Me (But This Time For Real)? by AlyssiaInWonderland
-10520 words, not rated (teen, i think)
-fake dating, mutual pining, idiots to lovers
Zuko is determined to convince his Uncle that he is not, in fact, pining after Sokka. // Sokka is desperate to convince Katara and Aang that he is not, in fact, pining after Suki. // When Sokka's scheme to avoid pity means Zuko and him must fake date for an entire diplomatic event, shenanigans, realisations and confessions ensue.
i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey
-10540 words, mature
-ambassador!sokka, friends to fwb to lovers, angst with a happy ending, miscommunication
Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.
Operation: Get the Fire Lord a Boyfriend by @rejectscanon
-10679 words, teen
-established relationship, attempted matchmaking, fluff, hurt/comfort, 5+1
5 times the people of the Fire Nation tried to get Zuko and Sokka together, and 1 time they realized they already were.
a study in matchmaking by @verdanthoney
-12218 words, general
-friends to lovers, mutual pining, idiots in love, bg bakoda and kataang
Zuko and Sokka try to play matchmaker, but things don’t go exactly as planned.
Always read Your Peace Treaties Carefully by preciousbunnynoiz
-14039 words, teen
-arranged marriage, miscommunication, found family, fluff, non-linear narrative, angst with a happy ending
Zuko and Sokka have been engaged to be married since the peace talks. Only they were the only ones who didn't know. // Everyone else thought they not only knew but that they had already been dating the entire time. // This is also news to Zuko and Sokka who have definitely NOT been dating but maybe they aren't as uninterested as they are protesting.
this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee
-18767 words, teen, major character death (NOT ZUKO OR SOKKA OR ANY OF THE GAANG)
-found family, slowburn, fluff and angst, hurt/comfort, mutual pining
Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.
All the Little Things by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning
-23575 words, general
-fake dating, friends to lovers, mutual pining, bed sharing, fluff, miscommunication
Sokka receives an offer of an arranged marriage from the Northern Water Tribe. On the one hand, accepting would strengthen ties between their tribes. On the other hand, Chief Arnook has suggested Hahn as a potential match, and Hahn sucks. But with the future of the Southern Water Tribe Reconstruction project relying heavily on the good will of the North, Sokka doesn’t know how to say no. // (Katara doesn’t have to deal with this. Katara is dating the Avatar.) // Zuko has a solution. Sokka just wishes he’d realized he was in love with the Fire Lord before he agreed to pretend to date him.
isn’t this the vision that you wanted by @goldrushzukka
-34633 words, teen
-pining, matchmaking, coming out, friends to lovers, bed sharing, internalized homophobia
Firelord Zuko - ender of the Hundred Year War, ruler of the Fire Nation, payer of respects and reparations - takes advice and counsel from representatives of every nation, division, and specialty. // But teenage boy Zuko - friend of turtleducks, wielder of fun looking swords, stumbler over words and feet in the presence of cute boys - only listens to two people, and they are conspiring together to ruin him.
(do you take this jerk to be) your one and only by @jatersade
-55855 words, teen
-enemies to friends to lovers, (not actually) unrequited love, slowburn, sharing a bed, alternate universe, arranged marriage, huddling for warmth, fluff
Under the leadership of Fire Lord Iroh, the Fire Nation has made every attempt to restore peace and make amends for the harm they inflicted during the Seventy-Year War. Their newest proposal is a literal proposal: a marriage to unite the Fire Nation and the Water Tribes. // The Fire Nation offers Prince Zuko’s hand. // The Water Tribes offer Princess Yue’s. // Sokka is apparently the only person in the world who has a problem with any of this.
Wooing the Water Tribe by @dameferre
-56839 words, teen
-didn’t know they were dating, i mean IDIOT idiots to lovers, ambassador!sokka, mutual pining, himbos istg
Zuko is courting Katara, and with every passing day finds new and insane ways of showing that he would quite literally move the spirit world and earth to make her happy. // In hindsight, it probably would've been better if Sokka had realised he was in love with Zuko at literally any time before this. Or preferably, never fallen for his best friend in the first place.
In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning
-83901 words, teen, graphic depictions of violence
-moon spirit!sokka, ambassador zuko kinda, hurt/comfort, slowburn, pining, canon divergence, miscommunication, sickfic, huddling for warmth, angst with a happy ending, enemies to lovers, underage drinking
As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.
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The Neighbors Son
You meet your new neighbors son.
Masterlist
Warnings: Swearing, Mature-ish, angst
A/n: so this is the start of my Clark Kent Imagine series that will sort of run alongside my Bruce Wayne ones, I re-wrote this about eight times so hope you like the final result as for the health insurance I'm British so have no idea how it works I just went along the lines of how car insurance works here.
Taglist: @two-unbeatable-beaters @thatgirly81
The Neighbors Son
Martha chuckled as you sat at her kitchen table grumbling over the papers in front of you.
"You do you lot have to do things so weird?! What the hell is this shit ?And what the fuck does that word even mean. Its not a word that's the fucking alphabet in the wrong order! THEY MADE UP NEW WORDS Martha can you take me out back and shoot me please? At this point I think that's my only option" You grunted resting your head on the table. Martha sighed rolling her eyes at your dramatic display you felt her slip the paper from underneath your head.
"Just whats gotten you so work up now girl..... Health insurance? Well its about damn time! You've been here four months .....I can see why this can seem difficult." She scanned the documents and slapped the side of your head making you sit up.
"Come on up, right this one is the best value but doesn't cover dental or opticians, so you have to pay for them, but it covers illness and emergancey care, if you choose the next one up you’ll get that and it also covers for maternity care." She pointed out the different options, you knew that you’d been lucky in England to have the nhs but until now you didn't know just how lucky.
"Can I upgrade? Like at a later date if I wanna have a one?" The older woman scanned the documents.
"Yes but you wont be able to claim anything for prenatal or maternity for at least six months after adding it to the policy." You nodded you didn't really see yourself accidentally falling pregnant for that you'd need to have sex and you've been on a dry spell since being here. You nodded taking the paper from her."So I will just do that then" you said wanting it over and done with she sighed at you crossing her arms giving you 'the look' that every woman got when she became a mother."How many have you looked at?" You shrunk under her stern gaze and rubbed the back of your neck nervously.
"Errr so far? In total? One" she sighed shaking her head at you, before pouring you both another coffee setting it in front of you,she hadn't realized how lonley she had been once the farm house across the field had been empty not until you had moved in, all the way from England you had bought the house with your inheritance selling most of the fields to others in the area just keeping a small two acres around the house for yourself. She had met you the day you moved in coming over to introduce herself see if you needed help, you both instantly hit it off and it wasn't long before she was looking out for you. It was hard for you to adjust to life here, loosing your dad was bad but she then found out that your mother had caused major problems practically chasing you out of the country, the woman had been unhappy with the will and wanted her 'half' tho it wasn't millions it was enough for you to live comfortably in the end you'd had to move as she kept coming around to the house causing problems and harassing you for money, you'd had to get away far away so settled in Kansas. It was different but a welcome change, slower and laid back sure sometimes you missed not being in the Hustle and bustle but you had everything you need, a comfy house ,decent car and an income from your books, you was an author writing adult books, tales of gorgeous cowboys, dominant business men and mafia king pin's all falling in love with the women of their dreams with erotic twists and scenes that would make a porn star blush. Martha had been a huge help since you got here ,she had taken you under her wing watching over you and you'd become fast friends, always finding yourselves at each others houses helping each other out. You groaned as she shook her head at you knowing the look. There was a lecture coming.
"That’s just silly, you should look around compare prices and policies, it could save you a lot of money in the long run, especially you i mean your a trouble magnet how you haven't already ended up in ER I don't know?" You smiled sweetly at her
"Because a have a kind and loving neighbor to patch me up" you said casting a look to the scar on your arm where she had sewed you up after a nasty fall on some farming equipment in the barn. She huffed at you rolling her eyes kids. And you was a kid only twenty seven years old younger then her Clark, sometimes she asked you why you don't go into town and meet some people your age you'd always cringe and shiver saying that they were to immature or just banged on about marriage and kids, which neither interested you in the slightest you were quite happy with things the way they were. Martha looked up as the dog perked up outside whining and yipping happily before she heard him
"Ma? You here?" She smiled as he entered the house wrapping her up in his arms she hugged him back.
"Clark? What are you doing here?" She pulled back a little seeing him upset she cupped his face.
"Oh god whats wrong? Is everything okay? Whats happened?"
"Its Lois...we had an argument I had to leave her Ma, its over she couldn't see past the super-" Martha quickly shushed him as You stood awkwardly thinking it better to leave not wanting to intrude. The man snapped his head in your direction releasing his mum and you were floored he was stunning, sure she had showed you photos of her son but they didn't do any justice. Tall broad and strong his biceps were fucking huge his chest tapered into a perfect v, dark hair hanging in messy curls atop his head some falling forward just skimming his eyes that were a glistening bright blue you felt your pussy clench violently. Fuck. You was so lost that you failed to notice him staring right back at you it was Martha clearing her throat that snapped you both out of what ever trance you'd both been put you under.
"Cheers for the coffee but I should get back and leave two to catch up, anyway this next chapter isn't gonna write itself..... at this point I don't think I’m gonna write it either." You said with a chuckle Martha turned to you putting her hands on her hips.
"Oh no you don't, your going park you butt right there and stay here to search other quotes" you gaped at her looking to her son he held up his hands staying out of it.
"Don't you go looking to him,he wont help you" you huffed crossing your arms
"Did you just give me homework? It sounds like you gave me home work." She nodded
"Damn right, health insurance is a big deal and you don't just pick the first one that pop's up on the internet" you pouted at her trying to change her mind she just stared you down tilting her head then you threw your hands up.
"Oh for fuck sake, fine I will look Jesus Christ" she nodded smiling not missing the way you and Clark was stealing glances at one another, well you stole glances Clark was out right staring. She slapped him upside the head.
"Don’t be rude son introduce yourself" he stuttered shyly flushing at being scolded before holding out a hand towards you quickly.
"Er Clark Kent nice to meet you Mrs?" You took his hand not surprised by how warm it was I mean this guy was hot, it only made sense right?.
"Miss Y/n Y/L/N but just call me Y/n everyone does....apart from your mum she calls me 'a pain in the ass'" he chuckled
"Then we already have something in common" you laughed as Martha motioned for you both to sit at the table smiling knowingly, she saw how Clark couldn't look away how the sorrow in his eyes disappeared as he looked at you. Clark couldn't tear his eyes away from you he gulped eyes raking over your form his mouth gone dry speechless. Wow. You was very attractive like you walked out of one of his fantasies, a tiny homely looking girl light tan with deep chocolate wavy hair in a short bob twisted in a half up do, tiny bun in the back with a few loose strands framing your small face that had a dusting of freckles from being out in the sun, tho he guessed that some were more permanent as they didn'tstop on your face trailing down into you blouse, his breathing hitched as his eyes couldn't help peeking seeing the tops of you breasts spilling over the cups of your bra as you slouched over the table barely resting your elbow on it due to how small you was. His cock twitched you were very tiny the top of your head didn't even reach the top of his chest, he estimated you to be around four foot nine maybe four foot ten he grunted a little, he did have a thing for smaller women, he loved that he towered over average sized women but you were like his dream girl,fuck if he didn't want to fold you in half and fuck you senseless. His pants tightened at the thought, he bet you'd struggle to take him but given the chance he would find a way to impale you forcing your little body to take every punishing inch he grunted a quietly his stomach clenching. He quickly pulled his eyes away before either you would notice trying to calm his slightly ragged breaths this wasn't like him at all, he had been raised a gentleman but sitting here he felt anything but. Drawing his eyes up to yours. Incredible, he got many compliments for his eye but yours were something else, one a light brown honey colour the other was the brightest green he had ever seen, like someone had captured an emerald with in it, he swallowed dryly again becoming hot under the collar twitching in his pants as he continued to assess you. He wasn't sure what you was doing in his Mothers house but he had no complaints whatsoever.
"S-so Y/n your not from around here." his voice cracked a little as he spoke you shook your head at him a little uncomfortable as Martha pottered about the kitchen busying herself with making a fresh pot of coffee, you moved to help her but she just shook her head at you.
"No I moved here four months ago from England, your mum has been helping me get settled, America is a lot weirder than I had initially thought" you giggled a little nervously crossing your legs trying to fight off the building tension between your thighs, it wasn't every day you sat across for a delicious looking male, already picturing him as the main character in your next book with the amount of fantasies you were sure to come you'd probably have enough material for a whole series. He grit his teeth a little as his cock jumped at the melodious sound of your voice and thick southern British accent, he wouldn't admit but your voice had now become his favorite sound of all, imagining just how high he could get it if you ever gave him a chance.
"Wow that’s pretty far, and you chose Smallville why not one of the big cities?" He asked as Martha walked across the kitchen washing up some dishes in the sink, you frowned she never did that when you was here, she was up to something.
"Well Gotham didn't look to promising and I couldn't find anything in metropolis, I didn't have much time to move and when I saw the farm house I thought why not and bought it now I'm just across the field from your mum. I might get a small place in the city at some point but right now I'm quite happy here"
"You haven't even been to metropolis yet and your already thinking of buying a place there? shouldn't you check it out first? Maybe you could show her around when she does visit Clark? Take her to see the sights she'd like that? Wouldn't you y/n?" Your jaw sort of hung open....was she trying to set you up with her son? You chuckled nervously seeing the smirk on the other woman face.
"Oh Martha he's probably busy-"
"No! No I'm not, I'm not busy at all!.....I-I mean sure I could to show you around." He interrupted you then flushed, Martha shook her head the boy wouldn't know sublty if it bit him on the ass. You blushed sipping more of your coffee.
"Well if your sure... but I need to finish my book I've already postponed the release date once, don't think the publisher will like another one" he smiled as his mother set down a cup and fresh coffee pot he refilled everyone's cups as she took a seat at the head of the table sitting back watching you both fumble around your words blushing and stuttering, there was definitely something going on here and she was a little smug and had a feeling she was going to enjoy this next bit.
"Your a writer? What do you write?" You blushed bright at his question. Oh shit.
"Haha Yeah, well I sort of write books, fiction"
"I don't think I've heard of you tho?" you looked down going beet red your pussy dampening your panties at the idea of him lying back in his bed reading one of your raunchy books.
"I use an alias so I don't get any backlash" he looked a little surprised but it wasn't uncommon even some journalists did this mostly if the do honest reviews of shops and services
"Oh so what type of fiction do you write children's books?" You flushed more at his innocence looking to Martha who was snickering quietly to herself. She was going to be no help here whatsoever.
"No..Not children's books...My stuff is more...Mature" you desperately looked to Martha eyes screaming. Help me!. poor Clark tilted his head a little not understanding why you seemed to be getting so embarrassed
"Oh for teens then?" his mother finally cracked up laughing out right at the face you pulled at him deciding to put an end to to sorry affair, it was painful to watch.
"Oh for god-She writes porn Clark! Erotica, Adult fantasies" Clark spat his coffee not ready for that at all, coughing and spluttering,you got up quickly just dodging the drink sprayed in your direction.
"MARTHA!..Oh shit are you okay big guy?" Patting to poor mans back as Martha sat there sipping her coffee smirking into her cup.
"What? Like I'm wrong? we'd be here all day if I'd let that pan out" You flushed at her words as he finally caught his breath before you sat back down and sunk in your seat mortified she just came out and said it.
"Ah okay then wow I didn't expect that....I mean you look so cute...Not that I don't think you can be sexy and cute cos you are shit I mean er what do I mean?...Its just not what I'd have thought you'd write....But there's nothing wrong with that, I imagine its quite hard NO!no not hard...Not that its easy that's not what I meant just that it would be hard-Difficult! difficult it would be difficult to write." Martha laughed out loud having the time of her life as you both flushed bright red, Clark was trying to talk himself out of his own embarrassment, you on the other hand just Blinked at him as he had a melt down so red he looked like his head was going to pop, finally taking pity on him you interrupted his babbling.
"Its okay...I get what you mean...Sometimes its... Difficult but you just you know keep at it..." Martha smiled oh yes you two definitely liked each other, now if only she could find a way to set you up together. An awkward silence fell over the kitchen as you fiddled with your cup a little and Clark trying to look anywhere but you failing miserably, she decided to have some mercy and change the subject and let you know that he was available all at once.
"So you and Lois are over for good this time?" You leaned back in your seat watching his face drop you couldn't help feel sorry for him.
"Yeah, she just kept pushing, wanting me to be someone I'm not, to play that part all the time I'm sick of it! it started got to the point I no longer had any choice, I'd do what ever for a quiet life even if it made me unhappy" Martha sighed at him she had seen this coming for a long time but had to step back and let him figure it out for himself.
"Clark I'm sorry things didn't work out I really am but she would never be satisfied until everything went her way you knew that"he nodded solemnly sighing you could tell who ever this Lois was had meant the world to him.
"I think I knew deep down she wasn't the one, I just thought if I carried on, if I stuck with it she would see how it was effecting me and change just a little for my sake. Just like I did for her you know?"
"She was never going to son, in her eyes you had become what she wanted so she didn't have to change at all but she forgot the most important thing in a relationship that's its give and take she forgot to be what you needed" Martha held his hand he sighed looking at her nodding.
"Well this happened just over three weeks ago and she is still carrying on like we are together, like nothings changed! showing up at my apartment when she feels like it and throwing a fit when i don't let her in and is telling everyone I'm her date to this party now I'm stuck, I don't want to go with her but if I go alone then she's going corner me." he sounded exhausted and fed up and slightly bitter towards this woman and with good reason you knew how this type of thing could were on someone, you'd seen it first hand growing up.
"Party? what Party?" he waved his hand at his Mothers question
"A staff party celebrating another award and I don't want to go alone, if I do I know I will end up going back to her I really don't want to. So need to find someone else but there is no one shes still letting everyone think we're together! and none of them want to be on her bad side. I just need a woman to pretend to be my girlfriend for one night"
"Now Clark that's not fair on whoever you take, your a handsome boy and anyone you take might really like you it could crush them if they find out your using them. You can't use one women to prove a point to your ex it isnt right your father and I raised you better then that." You interrupted before she could lay into him anymore.
"I can understand what he is getting at tho, sorry to interrupt and if I'm being out of line tell me, but she sounds like my Mother, relationships are give and take, you can't just take and take and expect your other half to put up with it, Clark if you need someone to go with you to make it clear your finished with her I will go with you, no strings attached or hard feelings but women who think everything should revolve and change around them and their needs really fucks me off!! especially when they pull that shit on a sweet genuine person, in the end these women just destroy the men their with. I don't know you very well but Martha raised you so you can't be that bad and that's enough for me." You hissed some of the words it was like your parents all over again. Your mother was spoilt and selfish always demanding that your father change the way he was for her, you had watched as he had given up everything for her but it was never enough, he had to play a part and it ate away at him for years sending him into a deep depression, yet she never did anything in return or tried to help him. In the end, you at seven years old had found him trying to commit suicide. The thought of you being the one to find his body was what broke the camel's back he threw her out the next day then tried divorcing her but she wouldn't sign the papers so instead they remained separated she had nothing so you was left in your dads care, he was happier then ever but the damage had been done he never found anyone else, she hung around every few months trying to weasel her way back in missing the money more than her family, when she didn't get her way she tried to destroy any happiness he found. Luckily he had sense enough to rewrite his will and piddle away the money in the account he had left to her his final fuck you to her was when the executor of the will read out that you was left with the car, house and just over seven hundred and eighty thousand pounds the housekeeper Susanna was left the holiday home in Devon and forty thousand pounds and your mother well she got twenty nine pound sixty seven pence and was aloud to have the expensive china that the Susanna had been instructed to smash after his passing....Yeah your dad was a bastard but it was funny as fuck. That’s why you had to leave she kept coming to the house harassing you for money. The restraining order hadn't worked so you decided to move you had the means to do it so went for it, she would never find you here and couldn't use the fact shes your mother to find you because you wasn't a minor the cherry on top the account that your dad was leaving for your mother was what he used to pay for your college and university. Martha sighed knowing why you got so wound up and you was right Lois was similar to your mother.
"You'd do that? Really?" You nodded to him smiling
"Absolutely I ain't afraid of no American.... apart from your mum shes scary as fuck, but seriously I can handle anything she tries to throw at me and you can show me around town while your at it, I'm guessing its in metropolis? when is it?" Martha sat back a little stumped turns out she wont have to set you two up after all.
"Err Its this Saturday ,you sure you want to come what about your book?" you waved him off
"Its fine Clark I can bring my laptop and work on it in the hotel" he nodded grinning wide suddenly excited about this next week then faltered.
"Don't bother booking a hotel you can stay with me for the week after all your doing me a huge favor its the least I can do to repay you" he chose to ignore his mothers raised brow. She had a few guesses at exactly how he was planning to pay you back and she doubted it was just going to be bed and breakfast.... probably breakfast in bed if the looks he gave you were anything to go by, not that she minded you would be a better fit for him anyway. Call it mothers intuition but she got the feeling that Clark would be around a little more now that you were just across the field.
"Oh no I couldn't! a hotel would be fine"
"I insist I would love nothing more then to have you to myself for the week" Martha tried to bite back a laugh, she never realized how cheesy her son was trying to flirt, no wonder he didn't have much success but she could see you fall for it hook line and sinker as you flushed squirming in your seat a little, he smirked at you from across the table getting more confident, he liked to think that he had already caught you. Prick he new exactly what he was doing as he leaned back man spreading, making your walls clench.
"You could spend the week ,we can catch a train tomorrow afternoon if you like, be back in time for dinner there's a nice diner near my apartment" you nodded a little suddenly feeling like one of the women in your books flustered heart racing a mile a minute as the man of your dreams offers to take you away from the boring daily routine. The question was were you brave enough to follow through with it, hell you'd moved to the other side of the world on a snap decision, spending a week alone with a drop dead gorgeous man should be a breeze, it didn't take long to decide giving him a shy smile nodding as you had butterflies in your tummy. His face lit up
"Great I will check the train times It's Sunday service but there should still be some in the afternoon"
"Perfect! I should go and pack then I suppose,Martha if I leave a key here could you watch the house for me and feed the fish when I'm gone" she nodded quickly excited but anxious at the same time, hoping that you would hit it off with Clark but at the same time apprehensive about how fast you was going, after all you only just met, but you were both adults and could handle yourselves and she knew you'd be safe with him.
"Oh is it formal or what?"
"Oh yes, its theme is Hollywood glam"
"Oooo I've got the perfect dress, any way I'm off and will see you both tomorrow be back around eleven tomorrow morning?" he stood nodding walking you to the door making you swoon inside as he opened the door above you reminding you just how big he was, a gentle giant.
"I-I'll see you tomorrow then Clark" he leaned down to your ear whispering
"Can't wait, sweet dream's Y/n I know mine will be" you gasped as he pulled away winking chuckling at your hot cheeks, he could have a lot of fun making you blush he decided as you turned quickly scampering down the stairs away from the house towards yours, who's roof you could barely see over the crops from this distance. He stayed there leaning on the door frame arms crossed groaning watching your ass sway as you made your way into the brakes in the crops what the tractors used to get across the field disappearing into the high crops.
"So you like her then?" he jumped back bumping into the door frame making it creak a little at his mothers sudden appearance, she giggled folding the tea towel in her hands.
"Wow you must have taken a shine to her if your so mesmerized by her or more specifically her backside, that I can sneak up on you,I haven't been able to do that since you were a little boy." he chuckled embarrassed that she'd caught him staring
"Not that I think you would but Clark? don't play with her feelings okay? shes a good kid and had it tough over the past few years and she doesn't need a heart break on top of everything else" he snapped his head to his mom.
"Ma you know I wouldn't-" she fixed him with a look
"You just admitted in there that you was going to use some poor girl to make a point to Lois and I'm telling you now if you hurt her I wont be impressed"
"I wouldn't do that to her, I wont hurt her I promise, but I would like to get to know her more...see if we could you know" she smiled softly at him
"I'm just saying your a handsome man and she could fall for you easily, don't use her as a rebound." he sighed she had a point but after seeing you all thoughts of Lois died.
"I like her Ma do you-do you think maybe she could like me to? this time have a relationship with me, get to know Clark Kent before Superman? that Clark could be enough this time?" that made her pause clenching the cloth in her hands twisting it, there was something in the way he said that, so unsure and hopeless she fumed inside his confidence was knocked she felt like she was speaking to the shy beaten down preteen he once was. He truly believed that Clark Kent wasn't good enough anymore and there was only one person to blame for that,it was with those words she realized that Lois had hurt him and hurt him bad, she sighed pulling him down kissing his cheek then cupped his cheeks making him look her in the eye.
"Now you listen to me and you listen well. You are good enough and you are loved, I don't know what Lois has put into your head, and for her safety I don't think I should know, but you forget it right this instant! you hear me?" he nodded a little still unsure as Martha searched his eyes for a little glimmer of confidence but her heart clenched when she couldn't find any, that confidence from earlier must have been false bravado. Lois was lucky she wasn't going to metropolis herself she's probably kill her for hurting her baby, tho she's sure Y/n was going to rip her apart in her stead it was a pity she wouldn't be there to see it.
"I think Y/n is already smitten with you and that you'd be good for one another. I've only known her four months but She doesn't try to be anything she's not, she takes people as she sees them and doesn't have time for all the games other women play its why we get along so well. And as a side note she has never reacted like that to any one else's attempts at flirting trust me there have been quite a few try when we've been out and she shut them down....Quite brutally now that I think of it. But if your serious about her give it your all I don't think you will be disappointed I think you'd be a good match." she wiped under his eye as they welled a little with unshed tears.
"Y-you really think she could like me?" he asked in a small voice.
"There’s no doubt in my mind that she already does, you think she'd agree to spend a week with you if she didn't? Honestly if you both hadn't made plans I was going to play matchmaker myself. Now why don't you go have a cold shower? and I can start on dinner"
"Cold shower?"
"You think I haven't notice your problem?" he flushed laughing wiping at his eyes and pulling his top down a little trying to cover the tent in his pants as she walked back into the house patting his back.
"Oh shit! You think she notice to?!" his mother laughed shrugging
"Who knows I mean she was checking you out to" as she entered the kitchen he stood there dumbfounded
"What Are you sure? I didn't notice"
"You wouldn't your a man, now go have a shower you are not eating at the table like that" he groaned shaking his head closing the front door making his way up the stairs to the bathroom.
#clark kent imagine#clark kent x reader#clark kent x you#clark kent x y/n#superman x reader#superman x you#dc x you#dc imagine#dc x reader#superman x y/n#superman imagine
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ok i gotta slow down
i accidentally overmedicated myself with my focalin. not too much, dont worry, im not even prescribed a proper amount for an adult (which is a whole other can of worms i'll get into) and i only took one extra. ive done way more uppers than this, ill be ok i just need to do a little ramble here so i can slow down and vent
i took an extra bc i panicked and just felt overwhelmed by the amount of chores n shit i needed to catch up on from not having meds the past two weeks and living in a literal garbage pile
my psych wont up my dosage because she thinks its illegal?? but like... im on the lowest dosage possible, twice a day, instant release. i've been on it for over a year, and she can absolutely up the dosage. i used to have extended release prescription (god i miss those so much but i couldnt afford $165 a month plus my other meds ugh) and just one was 2 times stronger than the current dosage of my instant releases. so?????? why the fuck
all yall ppl who say "be honest with yr psychs!!!!" hahahahahaahaahaha they lie to me why tf would i be honest to them? especially when in the times i have been "honest" its actively harmed my treatment
like, do yall not understand how hard it is to get medication when your doctor doesnt even believe in the specific illness affecting you??
ive literally been told to "pray the anxiety away". i left that doc after one appointment. but thats just a PRIME example of why being "honest" just dont work here
ive been misdiagnosed and mismedicated all while my doctors just wouldn't listen to what the fuck i was saying and that i was dealing with and wanted to just use the "textbook conditions". and agoraphobia isn't well researched, because, well..... thats pretty much our biggest fear. being observed. being open with strangers. so its not really a "textbook condition".
its a complex issue that is different in every agor because it's usually induced by individual trauma, and its not a "societal/behavioral" illness and therefore not really something to "fix" with just meds. meds absolutely help. but since its not a "behavioral" illness, its not "as urgent of an illness" and i need to focus on my "REAL PROBLEMS" of anxiety and depression
which?????? what the fuck does "behavioral" even MEAN???? agoraphobia absolutely is behavioral, i cant fucking leave my house by myself, and BARELY with trusted people since ive regressed so bad due to covid panic. it effects my daily life and my "real issues" of anxiety and depression are actually fucking SYMPTOMS OF AGORAPHOBIA.
i will give credit where credit is due, but doctors (esp psychs) are NOT magical gods of medical knowledge that people hold them to be. living with a nurse ive learned that doctors are actually pretty fucking dumb and that they're really just "management/public relations" in hospitals. ive had a lot of bad experiences with doctors. so no i do not just trust them and tell them everything, they've probed to me countless times that they're not listening anyway.
and the reason why i put quotes around "honest" is because im not lying to them, but
idk how y'all's psych appointments go, but mine are literally just this conversation
"hi! how are you doing today?"
eh. im surviving haha
"hahaha yeah we all are. any panic attacks?"
ohhhh yeah hahahaha. plenty.
"oh! okay well lets move on, how is your add?"
i cant really focus on anything for more than like an hour but... at least i get that hour?
"well ya gotta just take the time ya got to do what ya need! how about the depression?"
well, i can barely leave my bedroom, which is covered in garbage because i cant go outside to take them to the trash and thats pretty depressing
"hahaha awww, im sorry to hear that. well, im sending your prescriptions to the pharmacy, see ya next month!"
i dont even have an opportunity to be honest. its so fast.
i dont want to have to find a new doctor because ive literally had to fight tooth and nail to find someone who would prescribe me anything that can actually HELP me, aka my vallium, which is a hell of a lot more difficult to get than any other fucking benzo for some reason???? the only others ive been prescribed was xanx, kpins. xanx is nice but its too temporary. its for when you're having an anxiety attack, not for general anxiety like valium is. and kpins?? mannnnnn FUCK KLONOPIN THAT SHIT DID NOTHIN.
idk i guess rant over for now thanks for not reading this long dumb post where i cry about not being properly medicated and being actively neglected & abused by doctors who literally don't believe in agoraphobia & refuse to acknowledge its existence or the consequences it has on both my mental state and my physical state.
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anyway im so out of the loop on the mcelboys
i pretty much only keep semi-up to date with Sawbones at this point, not cuz i dont still LIKE everything else, just a lot has been goin on in my life
if anyone wants a long and rambly update on All Of The Bullshit im gonna stick a read more down here, asks are open and its cool to message me abt any of it if u want cuz i have some really nice and cool followers/mutuals here that make me comfy talkin abt that shit
as far as the future of this blog goes i wanna start using it more again! the mcelroys have gotten me out of some really dark places before so i hope having more connection to this community and the people here and their content again will help me like it has in the past! ill probs post more general mcelroy content here than previously rather than just taz btw i just gotta fuckin uhhhhh,,,, catch up on a bunch of shit again before this blog is even semi active lmaoo but im like alive and on tumblr regularly again!!
Wow u clicked on this and wanna hear me talk? Ur awesome and sweet, thanks for caring!
These past two years have been extraordinarily tough. This is gonna be a pretty long and detailed post that deals with the sensitive topics of emotional abuse, abusive relationships, and alcoholism. Please read on with caution.
Back in March of 2019, so this was about 3-4 months after i left tumblr, I got a new boyfriend and things started out really good, he was kind of a "bad boy" and it was fun at first. Im kind of a goody-goody so it was very interesting for me at first to be with someone so different who had such different life experiences than me. I liked hearing his stories of living in a traphouse, and running with gangs, and selling drugs, and knowing people who had killed people. I assumed a LOT of it was lies, obviously, who just brags about that shit u know? I just rolled with it, didnt take it seriously, and found the imagined scenarios interesting to listen to. So much of it was obviously played up to make him seem cooler, and I shouldve seen that as the red flag it was, and all my friends did but I didnt.
He had a serious alcohol problem, I mean I had coffee in the morning and he had 2 four lokos before noon. it was bad. about 6 months into the relationship he decided i was cheating on him with my ex who i had recently reconnected with, we missed being friends and things were really going well talking and being friends again, he was really important to me! but my boyfriend saw this as yet another thing i was doing wrong. when he decided i was cheating, that become his focus of alcoholic rage. nearly every time he got drunk, which was several times a week, he would accuse me of things, he would yell and scream, he would call me horrible names and make me cry for literal hours, he never hit me but that shouldnt even matter, i was emotionally battered and mentally bruised and everything hurt. he gaslit me into believing i said and did things i never said or did, i admitted to things that were not real, and then i was yelled at for admitting them. i didnt know what to do.
he was threatening my ex too, he would get drunk and say he knew where he lived (he didnt) or he knew what car he drove (he didnt) and explained to me many times that although he had never killed someone, people had been killed before at his command. he said a bullet in the back of my ex’s brain was just a phone call and $500 away. somedays he would tell me he was just going to do it himself, with a hammer, or a kitchen knife, or whatever weapon he could get his hands on during his explanation of how he would do it. my only option was to agree, to say it didnt matter to me what happened to him, i had to pretend my on
/ly concern was him going to jail for the crime, if i showed any sign that i didn’t want my ex murdered, it clearly meant i was cheating on him.
i pretended to block my ex on social media to get him off my back and it worked a little bit but he still brought it up. and even if he didnt directly mention him, he would always tell me when he was drunk that i was the cause of all his problems, i was why he was so self conscious, i was why he drank so much, i was why he had to work so hard, i was why every single issue he had was happening. logically i knew it was wrong, but i was so conditioned to it by then that i just went with it. i knew that agreeing and apologizing made the fighting end quicker.
things spiraled this past summer. his job needed us to relocate so we moved like 4 states away, away from all my family and friends, and lived in a tiny hotel room for a month. during this time, his drinking was somehow worse. he was drunk literally every night but he was passing out so we didnt fight and i was relieved. i was depressed being stuck in the hotel room all day alone, but thankful i wasnt being abused at least. then he started getting into drunken fistfights with his coworkers in the hotel parking lot. one day he came home just in time to find one of his drunk coworkers trying to break into the room with me there desperately trying to keep him out. i was terrified and wanted to go home but he convinced me to stay. a couple weeks after that we travelled for his work again several more states away. his drinking got a little bit better here, but i was so depressed and lonely, i was so isolated, he was all i saw day in and day out besides his coworkers and i was nervous around them. one day the guy who tried to break in on me, purposefully, while drunk, hit another coworkers car and totaled it and tried to run the guy over and i saw the whole thing. a week later my boyfriend was also fired because he got so drunk he passed out in the hotel parking lot and the company needed to save face with the hotel after the whole car incident.
so we travelled back home, but not my home, to his where we lived isolated on a mountain with no phone signal or wifi. the house was old and not well kept from being empty for several years, half the appliances didnt work. i was more isolated than i have ever been in my life. for 4 months i stayed there and just dreaded him coming home because i knew he would be drunk again and he'd yell or accuse me of things or otherwise belittle me. it was horrible. my friends all said to leave and my parents said to leave but i was so brainwashed into thinking that if i was just a good little housewife and if i just stayed home and did the dishes and the laundry that he would be nicer but he still found things to point at and say i was cheating. he was also becoming really controlling about my food intake and weight and i already struggle with an eating disorder so that just made me feel even more like i had to stay, my brain felt like if i wasnt under his watchful eye id gain weight again, like somehow it was thanks to him i had lost weight and not my own choices.
one day last week i expressed to him wanting to leave, saying how unhappy i was, i told him how sad i felt and how i didnt think we were such a good match. he didnt take me seriously, so the next day when he got sloppy drunk before 5 pm i packed a small bag and went to my moms. i was just gonna stay for a night or two but he called and screamed at me for leaving without telling him, i told him he just didnt remember me telling him because he was so drunk, and he accused me of not caring about his feelings and made me sound like the bad guy for leaving without his permission. i told him it was just for a few days but the angrier he got the more i knew i was in the right and told him i was done. i told him we were breaking up and id come get my stuff soon.
i got my stuff while he was at work this past weekend and moved in with my best friend. im safe and happy now. things are looking so much better for me and im so thankful to my friends and family who supported me all the way to the end.
i just wanted to make this post because, i know its not mcelroy related, and a lot of ppl probably dont care for stuff like this on this kind of blog, but i think its important.
its important to friends and family of people in abusive relationships to be steady. dont give up your ground. even if the person keeps pushing back and wont leave the person, keep being there for them, it can take a long time, it took me almost 2 years to leave, it takes some people even longer, but just stay there for them and be there for them when they finally make that step. dont give up on them.
and to those who have been in these kinds of relationships, and especially those who are there right now: it is not your fault. it is so, so hard to leave, i know, but please try to find help and support and resources to do it. if all your friends dont like someone, theres a good reason for it. please dont fall into the trap of thinking your friends dont have the best intentions for you. there are so many things you may overlook in the moment that others can see from a mile away are horrible. especially if you have been abused in the past. its incredibly hard to tell what is a red flag when your gut instinct is that anything and everything is a red flag. surround yourself with people who you can trust and listen to them
and trust me, i know how hard it is when youre stuck in that spot of KNOWING you should go but fearing that first step away. its scary. its difficult. but it is worth it. find someone safe you can be with. and if you arent sure, find a reason to leave for just a few days, an excuse, anything. give yourself space from the abuser, tell yourself youre going back in a couple days, just get out from under the thumb long enough to clear your head and things will make more sense with the fog lifted.
when i first got in my car and put my kitten on my lap and told her we were going to my moms for a couple nights, i didnt know if that was the truth. i planned to come back and i knew i didnt want to. i only took enough stuff for a couple days. i couldnt imagine my life changing so drastically. where would i live? how would i make money? who take care of me? i had no clue about any of those things. but after a couple days away I realized i would take care of me. i remembered that i had worked jobs before i was with him, i could do it again. i remembered that i had options of where to live. all of those things were so clouded when i was with him, they felt like impossibilities. once i was away, even just for a short time, things were so much easier to parse.
and i know i had many privileges in this journey not everyone is afforded, and my heart goes out to those who read this and are in this situation and the options i had just arent accessible to you, i am so sorry, i wish i had something more to offer you but all i have is my story, and a wish that it gives you some hope at the very least, and a promise that if you need someone to talk to, im here, i will listen, and you will be heard and loved.
i just want everyone who reads to take something small but important away from it. love your friends, love yourself. please stay safe. please dont give up. remember love should not hurt.
#angus.txt#getting deep in here but it felt good to write#i love u all so much ok pls be good urselves
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random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it
This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that. Dont read this if youre triggered by that.
Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently.
So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why.
I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now.
Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.
ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.
So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)
youtube
I'm not dead
I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet
Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression.
I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done
I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up
I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.
I'm still unsure of my emotional state
I'm still incapable of focusing lately
I don't feel like creating
I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation
I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory.
I don't think I've ever made
Something that's as good as I'm capable of
Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.
I hate not having a reason to look my best
I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet
I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.
If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then
I am so so glad that I hated myself
The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.
I didn't luck into this position
I struggle with decisions
I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions.
I wouldn't be my own friend
I'm too inconsistent
I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”.
Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished
If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.
Yep. I went on whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.
I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do
I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to
I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”
I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets
At the expense of never being great at any one of them
I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.
I wish this beat hit harder
I wish more syllables rhymed
I know 99 percent of people really don't mind
I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.
I think collaborating forced me to finish things
'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time
Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.
I wish I could focus on what I define priority
I wish I was as grateful as I want to be
Dont really relate to these things
I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable
But if I did,
I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled
Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.
I feel alone
I know I'm not
I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world
I used to talk to lots of people.
Lately I've stopped
They didn't deserve it,
I've been a terrible friend.
But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them
I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt.
I don't let myself get my hopes up.
I love people who do.
Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.
I never know if what I say I feel is the truth
I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.
I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific
So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.
Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.
I can be happy in the moment
I am not when I reflect
I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.
I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better
I hate it
Youtube will cure depression right? /s
I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt
But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first
This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first.
I can't predict what I'll do.
I can never be sure
I am terrified of making promises any more
I can't face my work,
I feel sick from the word
I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world
Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.
I still think I can get better
I’m holding onto hope.
I still think I can create and get pleasure from it
I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.
I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree
The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.
And become the best version of me
Always trying to improve myself.
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
I don't want to stop!
There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.
I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this
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bună seara, dragă mea 🌹🌜✨ ahh i hope i wrote that correctly,, another romanian friend of mine taught me that haha, he teaches me romanian phrases in exchange for me teaching him bits of italian ☀ ah, so much to address no? well, i'll just start off by saying i wasn't expecting my friend to expose my problems like that,, i'm not mad at all, just surprised. let me first say that i am okay as of writing this. i have eaten and hydrated and have been taking naps all day, i am stable. (1/9)
"my older brother and other siblings have been taking good care of me, and two of my friends came to sneak me out of the house for a bit and bought me food. so i am fairly calm right now (2/9)
now then, about that person, it was just some texts i woke up to that caught me off guard, my friends are apparently planning to go after this person, even though i insisted on not making this a big deal, and frankly i didn't wanna worry you all either, i feel bad when i do. (3/9)
sadly i hear a lot of horrid things directed at me on a daily basis, so this is quite ordinary and there's not much i can do about it, i cope by trying to stay positive for others and be as kind/loving as i can since i usually don't have people to treat me that way, you're quite the exception, what i thought of as a stupid question blossomed into something i could never imagine, and i was shocked to see how everyone, including you, took to me quite quickly (and not in a joking way either) (4?/9)
i'm not used to it at all, so i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that everything you guys say and do means the world to me, i get overwhelmed with positive emotion when you all treat me so sweetly, i truly couldn't ask for anything more. that being said, i wasn't planning to open up about my mental health on this account (since i don't wanna talk about these dark subjects when trying to brighten other's days),, (5/9)
but i guess it's warranted now so hopefully you all can understand me better and not worry as much, i suffer from multiple mental illnesses, two different depressive disorders, an anxiety disorder, and body dysmorphia, some from genetics and others from trauma. i try to keep it on the down-low to not bring down anyone's moods, so i be as cheerful as i can. i'm professionally treated for it, so please don't fret. it really went downhill during the start of this pandemic and declined since (6/9)
i was absolutely miserable, and having dealt with many s*icid*l tendencies, self hatred, and lots of destructive habits, i was truly falling apart my sister introduced me to your blog sometime in january, and even though i did not have a tumblr, i still greatly enjoyed checking it everyday with her and requesting things from time to time, it's a nice escape from the world i live in, and after months of checking your blog, i decided to interact a bit more with that silly ask of mine. (7/9)
it really is a miracle that we formed such a bond, it's truly the best thing to have happened this year, i love having such a meaningful connection and getting to experience some positivity everyday i am completely serious when i say that you and the followers give me something to look forward to everyday, and you all have helped me to stay a little longer on this planet. i owe you all so much for that, so i still plan on popping up everyday to cheer you all up,, (8/9)
i could never thank you all enough, you all truly do mean the world to me 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗 i can't wait to come back tomorrow with something more lighthearted, so please keep being extraordinary, because i'd hate to lose connection with any of you - from the bottom of my heart and soul, with much love, your local waifu xoxo 💘 ps: i can't wait to hopefully meet someday morgy darling, there's lots i'd love to do, so that's another reason for me to stay alive a little longer 💞 (9/9)"
Dear this is quite alot so i'll just start by saying that im flattered u greeted me in romanian😳✌️ i dont wanna pull a ghiaccio but although dragă does exist in this context it would be more like "bună seara dragA mea" but it really doesnt matter bc my wig is snatched and i was n o t expecting this ddhxhddj
Trivial matters aside, you shouldnt feel pressured into opening up on here even though some things surfaced but you did it nonetheless and im proud of u bc i myself would rather y e e t than talk abt myself and personal issues🤡🤡🤡 but aNywAyS let me start off by saying that again, you shouldnt get used to horrid things being said to u. Its fucking tragic that u get treated like this meanwhile all u do is be kind and care for others, but them treating u like that is entirely THEIR fault and u should never feel guilty for it. And keep telling others if shit happens (including us if u want) since we're all gonna do some good ol' as whooping @ the ppl that talk shit😤👋
I wont reveal much but just so you know i completely understand what you're going through and felt what you described in ur letter on a spiritual level, although i know just saying "i relate" doesnt really help. Its unfortunate and unfair ur goin thru this and yes i agree the pandemic did only worsen things (even for myself) and its really shitty🗿🗿im glad u at least had siblings that took care of u and made sure u felt better in no time doe
As always seeing u say that me and my blog cheered u up and motivated u to go on truly is smth like...w o w i never expected any of this to have such a major impact on anyone when i first made this blog as half of a joke lmao hdhxxhdj but im glad it helped u and other ppl so that means i'll just have to keep on running it😳😳😳 you really dont have to thank us for anything since we enjoy brightening up ur day and i have to ageee it IS a miracle how all of this came to be but thats exactly why its goddamn wig snatching ahsydjdkf
Also bro to say u have another reason to stay alive just to meet me....😞😞 Take care of urself bro
#im so fucking terrible with talking abt issues and emotions skshxhxhx#but i never expected anyone to say they had a reason to live bc of me and my blog so it made me🗿#fr like i cannot comprehend fjdhdx#bruh u better hang on in there cuz we finna goin to the 40th dimension together soon😳#the confessional
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Jacob and Edward
hey guys. just a little something. Jacob and Edward if you’re into that.
setting: cullen’s house they’re studying or smthn bella hasnt moved in yet
edward: so what did you get for number 5?
Jacob: uhhhhh…..i didnt do it
edward: ok. why?
Jacob: i don't really get this whole math thing...can u explain?
e: oh that’s okay. well first of all this is biology. so in question 5 they’re asking what is the first step of glycolysis, do you know what glycolysis is?
J: uhhhhh i turn into a wolf sometimes
e: *startled, looks away.* uh? ok well glycolysis is basically when glucose is split (glucose is sugar and like……. sweet) and the final product is two pyruvate molecules
J: *turns into a wolf* aaaaawooooooooooooo
e: *slaps him across the wolf face, once then twice* what the FUCK are you doing. you cant do ths in my house and u broke my antique glass table i stole from bulgaria
J: *turns back into a person* sorry bro i do that sometimes when im nervous
e: ………. *lights down spotlight on edward for brief monologue* i… i feel so guilty i slapped him to be or not to be? then i should aboiplogize *lgihts back on*... hey jacob im sorry is lapped u….. why r u nervous’
J: its ok bro…..im nervous bc...no i cant say it...its embarrassing
e: *caresses jacobs’ face where he slapped him* its ok. im sorry. sometimes i let my anger get the better of me
J: its ok ...its just that….i..i….
e: *starts getting mad* speak the fuck up. what are u saying
J: *mumbles something*
e: *starts meditating to calm down* what.
J: i said…..i….l...ll
e: WHAT YOU STUPID MUTT
j:......i….love……
e: what the fuck r u trying to say *flexes his hands ina nger*
J: i love y- *dies of unknown cause*
e: Hi, I’m edward cullen. im trained in first aid. can i help u? *no answer* hello? are you awake? bystander *points to alice* please contact ems adn let them know someone is about to be Turned *bites jacob*
J: *becomes a vampire but also still werewolf* bro……
e: ok. so do you understand glycolysis now?
J: yeah i do thanks bro that helped a lot
e: no problem, now onto question 6. wait. this isn’t a bio question. it says…. no i can’t read this filth
J: what does it say man
e: it… it *face turns red then green then purple* it…. ugh this is disgusting. you read it
J: i didnt want to tell u this bc i thought you would make fun of me but…..i cant read...
e: u fucking illiterate bastard. fine ill read it *clears throat* fuck i didnt copy pzste it hold on
Lmssoaooao dw ok it wont let me but *jacob x edward fanfiction*
LAMOAOAK
J: dude…...thats in the textbook????
e: yeah. its fucking disgusting. how did they know everything about us… actually wait it look s like someone wrote this by hand…
J: thats so weird…..who would have done that….so gross….
e: lemme check whose textbook this is. *flips to front*................................................................. *looks up at jacob with golden orbs and squints his eyes* it says its ur textbook
J: thats c-c-crazy bro ,,,,, i cant even read hahaha how could i write that hahaha
e:....... you fucking liar. yeah u can read. is this seriously how u thin k of me? of us? ur sick in the fucking head. i woulc neve.r;..... never fucking do that with u
J:....is that...is that realy how you feel?
e: *inexplicable rage* obviously u weirdo stupid werewolf dog *starts choking jacob*
J: *actually likes being choked* oh no…..oh no…..don't do this…. e: *notices hes into it* AHRHGHGHHGHGHHG (in rage) *choke slams him into the broken glass table* YOURE SO GROSS
J: *thinks* he will never love me the way i love him...maybe i should just end it all…..
e: *freeze frame…. lights down spotlight on edward again... monoglogu* wait…. what the fuck……… is that smell? i just realized i cannot read his mind? what the fuck is going on…………. *slideshow in the background with informational voice: it turns out that one of jacob’s sperm containing renesemee was i dont know hanging out which was already pyscihologucally connected to bella and stole bella’s power of smelling good and no thoughts then transferred it to jacob making him have those powers* *spotlight end* jacob…….. why the fuck…. cant i read ur mind… why do u smell so good…
J: i didnt know u could read minds….maybe i just don't have thoughts…..
e: everyone has fucking thoughts.l…… but i cant… read urs…
J: i don't know…….has that ever happened before?
e: no… *intense eye contact*
J; *blushes and looks down* im sorry im different
e: *looks away cus jacob looked away, then accidentally looks down* bro… is that….
J: no bro… its not what it looks like!!!
e: *stares at him then throws up to the side* i cant believe this… ur a nasty dog but i cant help but feel….. attracted to u
J: youre...attracted to me……
e: I dnt’ know why……. dont worry i cant get it up i have no blood
J: wait….we cant fuck??? Im out of here *turns to leave*
e: wait. there is a way…… *flashback on the slideshow to when edeawrd drank jacobs blodo to vampirize him this slideshow is viewable by edward and jacob*
J: well tell me,,,how do we fuck?????
e: u tell me
J: i don't know youve been a vampire longer than i have
e: bruh. so????? i follow the christian beliefs
J: stupid idiot we cant fuck then
e: *looks away* i guess. not like i wanted to anyways
J: you know what? I don't have to deal with this *turns to leave* call me when you want some dick
e: *when jacob is more than like 10m away suddenly intense pain hits them both* theres… something i forgot to tell u. when i vampirized u….. iut basically means ur bonded to me for like 1 month….
J: so youre telling me….im stuck with u for a month….and we cant fuck
e: well yeah more or less
the end
BREAKOUT ROOMS ENDED CLASS IS OVER LMAAOAOAOAGood rp bro SUCH A GOOD CLASS i agreed exactly to be continued
LOL EXCELLENT STORY it was honestly amazing great twists and turns, the tensini was high cant wait to see where this goes hope rob enjoys <3
setting: school assembly, principal andrew is doing a presentation on how to stay safe from these mysterious killings….. (vampires and werewolfs)
jacob and edward sit next to each other cus they cant be 10m apart.
e: ugh. u again.
J: stop talking as if this isnt ur fault
e: *whispering* ur the one who fucking died for no reason
J: ok and?? You didnt have to bring me back
e: *roll eyes* u know exactly why i had to
J:.........what do you mean…….
e: *looks at him with golden orbs then looks away* shut up. principal andrew is talking..
J: *is listening to every word andrew says bc he is so amazing but keeps looking at edward*......
e: * is listening and doesn’t notice j acob looking at him, then speaks to jacob without looking at him* look… they’re talking about killings… is this ur fucking tribe’s doing?
J: what the fuck no way its your stupid fucking family we keep our end of the agreement
e: *inhales sharply, then grips jacob’s leg with vampire strengthz* dont u fucking talk about my family like that u stupid mutt *people begin looking in their direction*
J: *is kind of turned on but would never admit it* stop being fucking gay people are staring
e: *notices people are staring and releases jacob, embarrassedly* just shut the fuck up and listen. *andrew begins talking about A CURFEW… they cannot leave their houses or some shit like basically e and j have to be together*
J:wait….how the fuck are we supposed to stay in our houses if we cant be away from each other….im not about to live with your weird incest family…
e: *enraged again, grabs the back of jacob’s neck at the pressure point* what the fuck. did. i say. about. talking. shit. about. my family. take that back right fucking now
J: *smirks* what are you gonna do about it…..be more gay?
e: *even more rage* i am not fucking gay —- cut off by andrew: Edward, Jacob, what the fuck are yall doing? *everyone turns to look, spotlight on them*
J: im sorry mr andrew….its just that edward attacked me…..hes so in love with me and he keeps assaulting me...im not gay though
andrew: oh thank god (he thought they were gay). edward, jacob immediately separate.
J:uhhhhhhhh i think we have to talk though…..sort this out with words…
e: *is extremely embarrassed to have everyones attention on him* Yes sir, andrew. i mean principal andrew. *grabs jacob by the scruff of his neck and drags him to the hallway and then slams him in to the lockers like bullies in the 80s* why the FUCK did u embarass me like that
J: bro you embarrassed urself…..you were all over me….just say youre into me itll be easier for both of us
e: ALL OVER YOU? *slams him again*
J:yeah like ur all ove me right now you cant keep your cold dead hands off of me
e: *moves back as if burned, walking away backwards while also throwing up, but then he is too far and they are both in intense pain*
J: dude calm down lets talk about this shit….we gotta make a plan
e: *refusing to come closer, so still are in pain* …...plan… for … what
J: the fucking…..cerfew…. Idiot…. Come back…..
e: *doesn’t come back, vomits once more* no… u fucking… smell…. what do … u mean…. the curfew…
J: were you not….listening to andrew… we have to stay inside our houses….but how can we do that if we cant be apart from each other
e: *looks away angrily* ….. we… will have to… stay apart… in pain… i guess…
J: you’re so fucking stubborn you did this to me and now youre making me suffer too
e: … i… don’t… care…. *walks even further, causing them more pain*
J: were only like 20m apart….and it already feels like this…..you think we can handle more thN THIs forever???? Youre so fucking stupid
e: *glares at him but doesnt come closer* shut. the … fuck up…. you fucking…. dog…
J: *steps closer* make...me…..
e: *doesn’t see him coming cus eyes are closed* shut…. up… stop… talking…
J: *steps closer* i said…...make….me
a/n: how fucking close are they now huh uhh like 3 ft apart ok
e: *smells jakob cus he stinks and opens eyes* GET AWAY FROM ME
J: make me *smirks*
a/n: LMFAO THANKS i need to formulate a perfect response lemmet hink of course take all the time you need
e: what the fuck do you mean make me? i will launch u across this hallway wolf boy
J: do it then…..
e: *grabs him by the neck again and slings him*
J: *dies*
e: *notices.( a/n: sigh) spotlight… on …. edward… monoglogue: i-........i cant believe i fucking killed him again…. the pain is gone but… literally wtf….. i…. grrr. *edward looks into the distance, pondering. then silently goes to jacob.* i have to save him. *begins cpr and mouth to mouth breathing*
J: *was never actually dead only pretending like romeo and juliet* *smirks*
a/n: I FUCKING KNEW IT LOL
e: *notices the smirk, then realizes he was alive the whole time* what the FUCK jacob? *slaps him across the face* you dirty bastard
a/n KALMASKDAOJDIJDOASOISO
J: so i guess you don't hate me that much huh?
e: *slaps him again* i thought you fucking died. i couldn’t let andrew discover a dead body in the hallway. and. and anyway i was going to eat you afterwards so yeah take that
J: yeah thats so believable…… just say you love me...i wont judge you *gay slur*
e: *is about to rage again* im literally. fucking straight. i love…. va-vgagag gaggaga *starts vomiting* WHAT THE FUCK DO U WANT FROM ME
a/n IM CRYING HAHA
J: dude...its 2020...its ok to be gay...you don't have to pretend to be someone youre not,,,, i aceppt you
e: *once again, he can’t help but be attracted to jacob bc of the science i explained in the previous thing, stares depeply into jacob’s orbs* what… do… you… want… from …. me … u fucking… dog
J: *stares back into edwards orbs* i just….i just want you to be happy…
e: *looks away* i am… happy. away from you.
J: *looks away from edward looking away* if thats really how you feel…...fine...ill take the pain….
e: *once a fucking gain. spotlight. monologue* in all my 118 years…. ive caused so much pain and destruction… should i really put this on poor jacob’ why did i see children see i mean sayy omg on poor jacob’s shoulders. no i cant.* no. no. we can. stay together. *teeth clenched* for. the curse, of course. so. you don’t have pain. not that. i . like u.
a/n TEARS MAN WHY IS EDWARD A TSUNDERE I DONT KNOW
J: fine...for the curse….whatever helps you sleep at night..
e: *touches jacob’s shoulder (only cus theyre so close) and pushes him back* yeah. you can stay at. my house. i guess
a/n: (u have to say no so ed goes to jacobs werewolf hq)
J: no way i cant be around all those incesty vampires its creepy as fuck you come to my place
e: *gasp* what the fuck. youre literally a VAMPIRE too. i…. i dont wanna go to ur place…
J: physically im a vampire but mentally im still a wolf and i will not be around so many dead sister fuckers
e: ….. i don’t wanna be around u stinky werewolves…. Unless….no.
J: what man???
e: *is disgusted firstly, by werewolves, and the way jacob speaks so heterosexually irks him* nothing. can’t we, like. get a hotel room.
J: that might not be a bad idea…..but im poor remember
e: *facepalms then says annoyedly* fine. we’ll go to ur fucking wolf den. but u have to make it up to me.
J: ……...how?
e: *rolls eyes* i don;’t fucking know. u tell me. it better be good cus i will never get that werewolf smell off of me.
J: i mean…...we could like…..if youre down…….
e: *squints at him* what.
J: we could……..you know…. ..
e: *understands, slaps him across the face for millionth time poor jacob probably has permanent hand prints* EW.
J: like i don't want to because im not gay but id do it for you
e: … you know. i used to be able to read ur mind up until a few weeks ago. so i do know what the fuck u thought of me…. what u thought—- *nearly vomits again*
J: but that was a long time ago...before we got close….now you made me straight
e: *extremely offended* what the fuck? you dont think im hot anymore?
J: why does it matter???? Youre not gay right
e: *hits him again* im not FUCKING gay. and it matters. b ecause, because,m because because because bcuae buse bcueacuab euacaubeucae BECAUSE. everyone thinks im hot. and if ur around him[edward] for the next month, u also need tot hink im hot.
a/n wtf is him oh of course a/n: edward is refering tohimself in third person
J: maybe if you were nicer to me id like you more...stop fucking hitting me and vomitting
a/n: lAMFPAOO,FP
e: *looks away in shame, then sighs shakily brings his cold vampirical hands to jacob’s bruised face* look. my hands. are so.. fucking cold they will heal ur bruies *doesnt look him in the eyes*
a/n HYDUHFUIEHWOIHOIDW
J: *doesnt make eye contact* thanks….i guess…
e: *keeps using vampircal cold hands to heal, then they accidentally make eye contact, edward looks away*
J: you don't have to look away…..
e: *glares back at him just to prove a point* fine.
J: *stares into edwards orbs with kindness and love* ……….
e: *stares back and recognizes what jacob is feeling, whispers* ur fucking gay
J: maybe…..but so are you…….
END
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDINGWHY THEY HAVE A COUNTDOWN. OK THIS SCENE ENDS HERE NEXT IS JACOB’S HOUSE ok it was really good today honestly excellent a/n are a perfect edditon except im losing my ability to type and spell we at 3k words BRUH LMOAAOAOA i love us ok bye
dun dun dun dun (tear in my heart). LMAO listening to it oh good u start bruh its ur hosue
setting: jacob’s den thing, also we need to have my immortal descriptions
J: so make yourself at home i guess…..
e: *carrying black bag with mcr pins on it , looks around in disgust* ….. u live like this?
J: yeah man sorry im not rich like you are
e: *is definitely thinking something offensive towards native people but disguised as against werewolves as stephanie meyer always does* ok…. so where am i sleeping..
a/n HUIHBUFOEWGEUI did i lie absolutely not
J;well like……...theres only one bed…
e: *mutters* could this get any more cliche. *notmutter* k. well im definitely not sleeping next to you. mind if i amazon prime a (whatever those fake small bed things are called)
J: if you want but theres not much room,,,,whatever,,,,,,*is disappointed*
e: *ignores jacob, typing on his phone to order the thing*
(Now Jacob’s family comes in I forgot their names but they’re here) billy is dad i think
J: oh hey guys this is edward he has to stay for a bit
Billy: *smells his ugly vampire smell* did you bring one of them….into my home????
edward: *visibly uncomfortable and surrounded by the werewolves, whispers to jacob* what the fuck… i didn’t know your whole pack was gonna be here…
J: *whispers back* this is our headquarters man….i didnt think theyd be so early thought *soeaks to fam* im sorry but a lot has happened….its necessary
a/n: k so im billy now? If u want
billy: *stares at edward for a while, assessing him.*
edward: …
billy: *sniffs him, then decides its ok* well then. if you say so jakey boy *claps edward on the shoulder* no biting ok?
edward: .
J: haha yeah….so were gonna go to my room now…..come on lets go
e: *glad to leave* yeah lets go right now
(The fam watches them go and its so awkward)
(in jacobs room)
J: so that was terrible but we’ll just stay up here as much as possible so that doesnt happen again
e: ugh that was so embarrassing… that was like when i introduced my ex gf to my family…. *realizes what he said* EW , not that WE are like that cus ewww gross *slaps jacob out of embarrassment*
a/n HAHAHAHAHA
J: *uncomfortable bc was slapped but also jealous of ex and sad ed don't like him like that* no man i get it….it happens all the time...cuz i bring so many chicks back here...not that we’re like that…..
e: yeah, obviously. *hand twitches in urge to slap him, but stops himself…. is upset because jacob brings back so many bitches and is jealous. so he goes to face the wall in anger* i need to ….. do./.. my chemistry homework
J: yeah whatever...i gotta do stuff too,,,,,im really busy….*looks down*
e: *is doing the chemistry homework standing up and super fast cus he’s been to high school for over 100 years, mutters* this is so easy ugh
J: why are you even in school anyways like you could be anywhere why do you want to learn the same shit over and over again
e: ………..Well if you woudl really like to know, it’s not the same thing over and over again. the school system has changed a lot since 1918 so it is actually pretty refreshing. i also like seeing how the trends change but are basically the same so yeah i do enjoy going to school, i don’t wanna work everyday because that’s different everyday plus school is easy for me and i get so many bitches cus im sexy.
J: yeah thats cool i guess *mad bc he gets so man bitches* but like if you get so many bitches...where are they???? Why do you hangout with me all the time???
e: *slaps jacob* BECAUSE IF WE ARENT CLOSE TOGETHER WE WILL FUCKING DIE DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE CURSE OR SOMETHING
J: THE CURSE DOESN’T STOP YOU FROM HAVING BITCHES THO…..ITS ALMOST LIKE UR A FUCKING LIAR
e: *gasps, backhand slap now* OF COURSE I HAVE BITCHES. DID YOU FORGET I CAN READ MINDS. EVEN TEACHERS WANT ME. AND I KNOW THAT YOU DID TOO, AT one ponitn… .gerkgorjgopjfpwjgwprjgpwojgwo *slaps jacob again so he can’t see that edward is blushing*
J: yeah i did like you…….*turns away so edward doesnt see him cry*
e: *not even looking in his direction cause he’s embarrassed* um. ….. *stomach growl*.... oh….
J: oh do you need some fucking blood or something
e: *disgusted that he is being perceived* ugh. im a vegetarian, so i need to…. go hunting… probably
(but they on sacred land or smthn)
J: first of all thats not what vegetarian means idiot and second of all you cant fucking hunt here its sacred and so are all the animals that live here….so now what???
e: *rolls eyes and is for sure thinking racist things* ugh. lemme call alice maybe she can bring me some stored blood… *calls but there’s no service* what the FUCK…. i hate this place… lemme amazon prime some blood…
J: oh sorry you cant ubereats your fucking blood...and youre so addicted to your phone...maybe try living in the moment lke the rest of the world
e: *zones out for a second at the mention of ike aka the character someone in kelvin yo’s story plays in super smash bros, then jolts back to reality* i am living in the moment. you know whats happening in this moment? im fucking hungry bruh and i need blood. so u better get me some before i fucking start feeding and then ur dads gonna be mad
J: you. Cant. feed. Here. why is that so hard to understand….lets just fucking leave and you can go hunt or whatever
e: *eyes flash with anger and turn whatever the colour is when they are hungry* im. hungry. NOW. *starts doing whatever hungry vampires do like intense breathing*
J: dude…..calm down….*nervous*....we’ll get you some blood or whatever *backs into a wall*
e: don’t tell me to fucking calm down *supa hungry rn, then attacks jacob by slamming him OUT of the wall, yeah u read that right, the wall is broken now how sad* GIMME BLOODDDDDD *edward tries to bite jacob*
J: BRUH U BROKE MY FUKING HOUSE…..AND I DON'T HAVE BLOOD IM A FUCKING VAMPIRE TOO REMEBER??????? I CANT HELP U
e: *too hangry to hear him, bites into jacob’s neck with his fangs. out of his neck comes this disgusting sloshy black thing cus he no have blood* UGH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS YOU TASTE DISGUSTING *spits it out onto the grass, then sees its black and calms down* waht the fuck………… *looks at broken wlal* huh….
J: oh are you back now???? Yeah i don't have fucking blood and you tried to kill me and my house….what the fuck man it always comes down to you killing me….i don't think i can do this anymore……
e: …….look. it’s not my fault. honestly you’re exaggerating things. i was hungry. i can’t help it and you should have known better than to be around me. and im still hungry. so.
J: wow so we’re victim blaming now????? No man i said i cant do this…..you never think about me
e: *rolls eyes uncomfortably, then notices jacob’s neck is still bleeding* well. im not. victim blaming. but. you’re still. bleeding. so my vampircal saliva is actually. healing . u.m . proertries. so umeme asmdaosmdsomaodmw. let. me . help . uoi. iok omo kok
a/n you ok man? i told u im losing brain cels
J: how can i trust you????? Everytime i trust you i die…….
e: *rolls eyes and then puts his hand on jacob’s face (like his face not the side of it)* just let . me . do my. fucking job *licks him*
J: *flinches but gives in* youre so fucking gay...if you wanted to makeout you could have jjust said so...i would have said no tho
e: *slams jacob’s head into the ground so powerfully that there is a jacob shaped crater in the ground* IM FUCKING HEALING YOU. *the bite mark has healed, slams jacob into the ground again* YOU STUPID FUCK IM NOT GAY
J: *dies*
e: *mad, spits on the ground next to jacob* i know ur not fucking dead. ur a vampire and a werewolf for fucks sake. get up.
J: *still dead*
e: you can’t just use the dead card everytime u want me to be nice to you. cause i wont. i literally wont.
J: *just a fucking corpse*
e: *stares at his dead body for a bit.* jacob. get the fuck up.
J: *not alive*
e: *hears billy’s wheelchair coming up* spotlight monolgoeu: well fuck. i can’t let him see i just killed his son for the third time. fuckfuckfuck what can i do i don’t have time to hide the body so… so ….. ok well hes a corpse and im a corpse too so this won’t be that weird
BREAKOUT ROOM ENDNEDINDENIEI TO BE CONTINUED YEAH RIGHTAHHAHAHHA JUST GETTING TO THE GOOD PART HOW EXCITING FOR TOMROW YES I CANNOT WAIT
*continuing edward monologue*
e: yeah … its totally not weird…. its cause i because because because because because because because because i need a cover thats why im doing totally not gay *kisses jacob*
(billy comes out from behind the house)
J: *obviously wasnt dead, wakes up, kisses edward back* oh hey dad
Billy: *supportive of his gay son* hey i thought i heard a fight *looks up* what the fuck happened to the wall
e: *sees jacob isn’t dead anymore, thinks that his kiss brought him back to life like in snow white, shocked* …….hhhh…….. wall?
J: sorry i don't know how that happened shits crazy ya know
Billy: *nods wisely* i do know…...well you boys have fun *leaves*
e: *stares at jacob in shock* …..do you….. remember… what happened before u died?
J: *does but wants to fuck with edward* wh….what? i…...i...d..died??????
e: *rolls eyes* yeah u fucking did. i brought u back though.
J: how…..???
e: ugh *hits him* obviously i just bit you to … bring u back.. to life….
J: so im already a vampire…...but now youve made me a double vampire??? Or does it cancel out and im human????
e: i dont fucking know. i— *remembers the curse and hopes jacob does not bring it up because the curse should double since jacob is double vampire* but don’t worry about the curse. obviosuyl .
J: oh does it double now that im a double vampire???
e: NO. and anyways. im still fucking hungry. so. be a good host and get me some mf food
J: yeah just let me check my fridge for some fucking blood…...idiot…..lets go somewhere so u can be a fake vegetarian
e: hmph. well let’s see if u can keep up. *runs away at vampire speed into the woods*
J: *turns into wolf and uses wolf and vampire speed and follows* awoooooooo
(the curse not acting up meaning theyre within 20m of each other)
e: *looks behind and sees jacob can keep up* slowpoke
ROB ENTERED MY CHAT YA SAME LOL ANYWAYS
J: who tf u callin slow *runs so fast that he almost next to edward*
e: *getting tired cus he is low on blood therefore energy* grrrrrrr
J: look we’re off sacred ground now go catch a deer or something
e: . im tired. u get something for me.
J: so now im ur personal chef?????? No get ur own shit
e: ive killed u three times already. dont make it a fourth.
J: *mumbles* whatever *leaves and smirks knowing he only actually died once* *gets a fucking deer or some
BREAKOUT ENDED????????? Ing WTF WHY WHO CARES LETS CONTINUE BRUH WHAT IS GOING ON DID U HEAR ERIC AND TINA THAT WAS SO AWKWARD I HATE THIS CLASS SO MUCH LILY LTIERALY WHAT BURH i do npt ccare at all
k anyways continue
J; here take this eat up
a/n: god i forgot how fucking ugky tina’s voice is fucking right
e: *bites into the deer, drinking the blood and makes direct eye contact w jacob* nomnomnom
J: feel better now?
e: *disgusted and spits blood at jacob’s feet* nomnomnomnom
J: *looks away cuz this is gross* the shit i do for u……
e: *slurps disgustingly* nomnomnom nom nOMnomON griwjodk
a/n wait lets hope we together obviously no omfg these bitches are talking im not speaking to u im puttig yall on mute good
J: *vomits cuz the noises r gross* could u be a little more quiet?????
e: *puts down the deer* dont fucking vomit in front of me and my food
J: your food is so much more disgusting than my vomit
e: then don’t look at me. *keeps drinking*
J: *rolls eyes*......
e: nomnomnomnom… *puts down again* i said dont fucking look at me.
J: *says nothing but keeps looking*
e: *slurp* u want some then?
J: absolutely not
e: *rolls eyes* i know ur a carnivore, come here
J: nah i don't want that shit youve fuccking destroyed it its disgusting
e: *the deer isnt destroyed like literally one puncture, but edward gets mad at the accusation, so he rips off the backlegs of the deer* i know u want some *throws the legs at jacob*
(catch it with ur mouth PLS Like a wolf)
a/n LMAO like throw drink but then u swallow it all dark blue hell post YES
J: *catches it with his mouth perfectly while making intense eye contact* …..
e: fucking mutt…. *goes back to drinking the blood* nomnomnomnomnom
J: *eats deer leg like it chicken wing* this shit isnt even good….
e: ur the one who hunted it.
J: whatever tommorow we going to mcdicks
e: what the fucks a mcdicks
J: bro…….youve never had a shit burger……..
e: why would i eat shit … in a burger…
J: of course your small mind could never understand….ugh
e: *spits blood in a perfect arch that lands right on jacobs shirt* dont call me small minded ever again
J: dude what the fuck…..and ill call u what i want
e: *finished drinking* no the fuck u won’t. *gestures to deer* u gonna eat my leftovers or what
J: i will not...and what the fuck r u gonna do about it???
e: do about what
J: me calling you small minded idiot
e: *slaps him* shut the fuck up
J: *turns the tables and slaps edward* it doesnt feel so good huh???
a’=./n: HAHAHAHHA
e: *holds his face in shock* WHHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT????????????? MY VAMPIRE HAND DOESNT HURT AS MUCH U FUCKING IDIOT
J: yeah ok but i slapped you once and youve slapped me at least a billion times so it adds up….funny how you can give it but not take it….weak…
e: *thinks about how he could say a few things about that last phrase but doesn’t* i’ve literally killed u so many fucking times *raises fist* i will do it again…..
J: *steps closer* do it then
e: why… the fuck … do you ALWAYS provoke me… kNOWING you will die? *pushes him back*
J: because i know you need an excuse to make out with me every once and awhile *smirks*
e: *gasp* WHAT THE FUFK? HOW DID U KNOW THAT *HITS HIM IN THE FACE*
J: bro you didnt think i was actually dead did you…...i thought you would have known better by now *still smirking*
e: *speechless and wishes he could use his mindpowers on jacob but it doesnt work* ………..
J: yeah so maybe you should try being nicer
e: absolutely not. once this month is over im moving to korea
BREAKOUT ROMM ENDINGNOOOOOOOO AKWAYDS WHEN IT GETS GOOD I KNOW RIGHT UGH ITS OK BUT YEAH THERE NEEDS TO BE AN EMOTIAONL CONNECTION SOON BEFOREMARRIAGE OH OF COURSE I CANT WAIT WE WILL WORK MORE TMRW NO SATUDAY MONDAY WOOOOWOOOO I THINK WE SHOULD MAKE A FILM OF THIS YESSSSSSS MONDAY OK HAHAHA
e: *continued* and im never speaking to u again.
J: yeah right you always say that shit…..but then you come crawling back
e: *rolls eyes* i’ve literally never done that. ur schizophrenia’s acting up because weve never had any fucking relationship before this……. i DONT LIKE YOU
J: uh huh but you always bring me back to life and make out with my corpse so what does that mean???
e: first of all, WE ARE BOTH CORPSES. so its not weird. second, i dont wanna get in trouble for killing a werewolf. so thats that. *turns away and starts walking back to the house but its the wrong direction*
J: yeah thats a likely story…….you know thats not the way home right…*smirks*
e: obviously ….. i was tricking u….. *goes the other way*
J: *rolls eyes and still smirks* so what do you wanna do when we get home
e: nothing *hes still going the wrong way but this time a different wrong*
J: well whatever….how long are you planning on going the wrong way before you ask me for help?
e: buddy.. this is the right way *shows map on phone*
(............ how can this be??????? ARE THEY IN a diffeernte realm)
a/n LMSOAAIOOAAO faerie realm
J: no i swear……..it……*turns in a circle confused* we definitely came from………
e: so what the fucks going on? is this one of ur stupid pranks bc ur native or whatever
J: can you stop being racist for two seconds this is weird….whatever maybe i messed up….lets just follow your phone…
(they follow the directions on the phone but they find that theyre just going in circles eneding up back to the dead dear…. a strange mist is rising*
e: uh…………….. what the fucks going on……….
J: uhhhhhh…….this has never happened before…...what the fuck do we do,....
e: wait. do u hear that……..
(from in the mist they hear something coming……………. its this really hot woman coming out, her name……. bella swan)
bella: …… *in sexy voice* hello boys
a/n GYDSUFGEYORGFBOREW
J: uh…..who the fuck are you….
b: *tosses her head back and laughs, long luscious dark locks of dark of hair of brown falling behind her, then opens her blue? brown? idk her orb colour and stares at them…. she notices edward’s extremely strong gay aura so doesnt go to him. looks at jacob* im bella. bella swan…. youre in my swamp….
J: ok…...but we’re lost...so could you help us out….?
e: *uncomfotable.*
bela: hahhahahah… of course…. *walks up to jacob and touches his face* but the thing is….. humans who come into my territory….. must …… how tf do i say this….. they need to gift me something…. or else u are cursed to work as my servant forever.
J: well we’re not human...hes a vampire and im half werewolf half double vampire…..so that wont apply to us right??
b: *gasps*..... HAHAHAHAHAHHA…… you truly don’t know who i am? bella swan (shes part swan ig) collects HALF WEREWOLF HALF DOUBLE VAMPIRE boys……. jacob….. *licks lips* you will be my prize
e: hhhhhhhhhh
J: so like….if i fuck you….can you tell us how to get home??
bella: *slaps him across the face in the same way that edward does* FUCK ME? hahahahha you’re fucking stupid. i knew it. all of u are. i don’t want u like that buddy, i need to use ur dna to make skins. *grabs him and tries to bring him into the mist*
e: wait…. u can’t
bella: y?
e: um……. bc….
J: *is kind of turned on bc bella slapped him like edward and pavlovs dogs ya know* ……….
e: *was about to say to bella that she cant take jacob, but then realizes he has no say in what jacob can or can’t do…. plus… jacob looks really happy with bella….. but still…. he can’t just let jacob get fucking killed again… even if he’s into it* um. bella. maybe? um u could take me as well?
b: no ur fucking gay i don’t want u. jacob wants to come w me , right jakey? (how does she know his name?)
J: *dream like* yeah…….wait…...did i tell you my name?
bella: *eyes widening in delight* NOOOOOO YOU DIDNT!!!!! LUCKY GUESS!!!!! NOW THAT I KNOW UR NAME……. *turns to edward* u know what happens when fairies know ur name right? *smirks* e
e: *also kind of into that smirk bc pavlovian response* wait… no… JACOB U IDIOT
bella: i feel some homosexual tension between yall …. how about this *curses jacob so that he is like idk evil and will kill edward so then bella wont have to fight him and then can kill jacob le8ter*
J: *eyes rolll back into head like tik tok boy* *lunges at edward* ……
(famous last words by mcr starts playing straight from bella’s mouth for some background music) a/n YESSSSSS
e: *dodges jacob* JACOB. STOP SNAP OUT OF IT
J: …………*jumps at edward again*
e: *barely dodges his snapping jaws*
(in the background …….but can I SPEAK is it hard understanding…….. im incompletel)
e: BNELLA STOP PLEASEEEE
J: *keeps jumping at edward with impossible amounts of force and energy* ……
(a love that’s so demanding…………. IEIODAIOJEWIOADJIOA WHWYY cann ii get WEAKK!!!! I AM NOT AFRAID OFtikwpoerkwopk)
e: *doesn’t want to use force to stop jaconn, but he’s forced to* jacob *does the thing whjere girls try to stop the guy from fighting* jacob its me! stop!!!!!!!!
bella: omg so cringe stop pls
J: *stops for a second but then goes back to fighting* ……
(awake and unafraid asleep)
e: *gets scratched by his werewolf claws, stares at the blood then gets mad* JACOB U STUPID FUCKING MUTT LOOK WHAT U DID TO MY PERFECT SKIN *restrains him with both arms*
J: *when yelled at fully stops but then shakes head and goes back to rage* …..
b: *notices that jacob stopped* omg… wtf *curses him stronger*
e: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
(the song is now… hmmm….. u decide… nanananananaanana LOL ok)
J: *goes at edward so hard knocks him over*........
e: hmmmm,...... jacob i don’t wanna fight u STOP
(na na na na so many security sto every enemy)
J: *stops for half a second blink and youll miss it but then goes back with even more anger*..
e: *thinking: wtf i do’? i cant fight bella to stop him cus then itll be 2 v 1 ./../….///.. .wait…. * *remmebres jacob;’s expression when bella slapped him,..... what if i…. what if* (jacob comes at him again but edward waits UNTIL he is close enough adn then slaps him across the face extremely hard that like he slams into a tree behind him* U STUPID FUCKING DOG
j: *slides down tree and colapses on the ground….almost unconsiodusio* …….e…..edward….
(na na na is over and fades slowly bc bella closes her mouth)
b: waht the fucking fukc did u fucking do u stupid sparkly gay boy????///// THAT WAS MY NEXT SKIN
e: *ignores her and goes to jacob* jacob…… r u ok…
J: *opens eyes slowly* ye….yeah…..i *inhales sharply bc pain or smth* im good…..
e: *checks him for wounds*
bella: *comes up behind edward and grabs him by the head then yeets him backwards* I SAID THATS MY SKIN STAY AWAY FROM him
J: EDWARD *tries to get up to fight her but stumbles*
b: stay down. that’s an order u dog
e: *comes back running* NYAHHHHHHHH
(bela and edward engage in a super epic battle u can imagine it however u want ok…..)
J: ………..
(they r far away enough that jacob can’t hear them….)
b: bro why r u fighting so hard to save ur friend or is that even a friend
e: *blushes* bro not right now
b: no seriously
e: …..
b: *thinking oh….* ew so yall r like that?
e: ….
b: *sigh* fine… u can have him… but under one condition
(what is this condition lemme think)
b: welcome to paradise…. dun dun dun dundu ndund a gunshot rings at the station………… ok i found it: u owe me ur firstborn child
e: ok (?)
(that’s how bella gets renesmee u decide how that happens)
e: *goes back to jacob* helo
J: are you ok…….what went down??????
e: nothing we totally didnt like f u ck or anything wtf why would u even ask that
J: *thinks wtf did they fuck….get kinda jealoudssss* oh…...so can we leave??
(the mist rises)
e: ok…. can you even walk?
J: yeah im fine *tries to stand but winces and leans against tree*
e: *is worried, but rolls eyes anyway* le,me call an uber
BREKAOUT ROOOM OVER NONOOOOOOOO ITS OK WE FINISHED THIS ARC TODAY WAS SO GOOD ABSOLUTELY BRILLAITN AS USUAL WE ARE AT 840 PERIODS LMAOAAAOOOO GOOD UGH HOW AMAZING IM EXCITED TO REREAD IT TOMOROW YESSS ME FUCKING TOO GAHAHAH
a/n Are they waiting for the uber or at home alreafy? first of all, use a/n, second up to u
(jacobs room)
J: ok im fine stop worrying
(the whole werewolf clan is surrounding jacob who is lying on his bed, edward is standing facing the corner awkwardly and covering his nose)
biylly: No son. you were attacked by some fucking fairyand i dont mean him *points to edward* like this is serious shit…. we should call a doctor… but who….
e: *quietly*……. i know… a doctor
a/n laksaodjjefiureyueryhu
J: who…….
e: *turns to face the gang, wich includes seth who i thnk is sexy* um……. carlisle…
J: wait your dad….leader of your incest clan….went to med school???
e: *hand twitches wanting to slap him, but can’t do so in front of his family, so restrains himself* ahem. yes. and we’re not an incest clan.
Billy: i aint bringing you to no vampire doctor we have to find someone else
J: no…..its ok…..i don't even need a doctor….
seth: *is a niner* dude… ur not even okl…. (what were his injuries again?) ur like body is like broken in multiple places…. but. *glares at edward* we can’t have more of Them in here……
e: *rolls eyes at seth* so what the fuck do u propose we do huh niner
seth: ……………… well if u really wanna know, i took grade 9 biology and also first aid….. i’m basically a doctor
a/n i really forget what happened to jacob but lets pretend hes basically dying (when isnt he)
J: uh no thanks seth…..really guys im ok….ive had worse….at least im alive…….
e: *still wants to slap him so bad but cant so instead slaps himself*
billy: wtf… *back to jacob* listen son. ur literally fukcing dying *gets emotional now* ….. we need to do something… *looks at seth* son… *(seth isn’t his son?) will u treat him?
seth: *smirks* ya of course billy…. *turns to jacob* listen ….. we can’t have u dying here…. us alphas need to look out for each other.
J; uhhhhhhhhh well like im kind of more beta…….but…...are you sure you know what youre doing????
billy: JACOB (does he have a middle name) BLACK NEVER CALL URSELF A BETA EVER A FUCKING GAIN THE BLAHJBLAHBLAH TRIBE HAS BLAHDDBASBDOISDHIAOSJDIASJAJ …..
seth: yea h jacob ur definitely an a**a wtf ok . so first i need to see ur injuries…. where r u hurt?
J: basically everywhere…..she kind of fucked me up….but its cool
e: *still doesn’t know what to do so goes back to facing the wall*
seth: okay well… im gonna need u to like… ahem…. u know…. .disrobe…
J: oh...yeahok….*glances at edward who is still facing the wall**starts to take off shirt revealing 12 pack abs*
a;/n: lMFAO
(collective gasp as they see jacob’s injuries)
e: *begins slamming his head into the wall*
billy: oh my god son. …… this is horrible
seth: alright uhhhhhhhh *is overwhelmed* um …. ,... well u have… um …. ur bleeding… and ur ribs are briken… so i gusss…… polysporin? edward can u pass it to me
e: *still staring at the wall* no
J: dude why are you always so difficult….plus after seth heals me hes gonna have to check you for a concussionos…..wtf r u doing????
e: *rolls eyes and turns around, but hes hit his head on the wall so hard that blood is dripping from his head into his eyes, blinding him (da blood from da dear ofc* he doesn’t need to fucking heal me. and i’ll get the polysporin. where is it?
J: in the bathroom i think…...down the hall to the left…
e: *goes to get it, blindly obviously and yeah he got it* *hands the polysporin to who he thinks is seth but he can’t actually see who he’s handing it to*
J: man are you ok??? Like maybe sit down for a bit…...thats not seth thats my dad
e: *angirly moves so hes handing it to seth, but in the process slaps seth in the face maybe not so accidentlly*
s: OH my fucking GOd *mutters* i fucking hate vampires stupid fucks *begins putting polysporin on jacob*
J: uhhhhh is this gonna work…..like my ribs are broken...maybe we should call edwards dad….*looks down knowing they gonna be mad at the idea*
e: *has reverted to sitting in the corner staring at the wall blindly so not actually staring ig*
billy: shut the fuck up jacob. seth is doing an awesome job. looks better already kid
seth: *smirks, looking in edward’s direction* yeah im doing awesome
J: but like…….whatever….if youre done leave edward and i alone for a second…
seth: *finishes bandagnig jacob up* ok. .. but if u need anything… .anythng,... just call ok buddy?
billy: *leaves*
J: so i think i need a real doctor now
s: no u don’t im all u need *leaves*
J: i definitely need a real doctor now…..can you call your dad?
e: he’s not my dad…. and i cant.
J: bruh why not u said u would earlier
e: *can’t really remember due to insane brain damage* uh…… well he’s in italy now. so . ……….. i mean… yeah.
J: dude come here let me see your head
e: no
J: not in a gay way in a im actually worried about your health way
e: *doesn’t actually know where he is in the room bc he refuses to wipe the blood from his eyes* um………………. fine….. *starts walking then trips on jacob’s textbook* wtf….
J: come here sit down *reaches over and grabs his arm guiding him to the bed* here dumbass *wipes blood away from his eyes* does it hurt really bad??
e: *flatly* im a vampire . nothing hurts me. *looks at his bandagings * what the fuck did he do. *rolls eyes* this is unacceptable… *under his breath* stupid dumb fucking niner idiot who fcuckgirn ais trying to one up me i kwjeoijfdoijdeow grrr
J: sorry i didnt hear that last part whats up?
e: oh my god just stfu and *tyler tehecreator voice* elt me do what i need to fucking do *violently rips his bandages off* lemme do it properly because carlisle is in….. china… like i siad
J: uh you said he was in like france or something...also this fucking hurts can you stop being so angry???
e: *no reply. begins piecing his ribs back together w surgical tools he pulled from his pocket* dont move
J: yeah whatever…...why do you have all this shit….nerd…
e: *bc jacob’s ribs were literally sepeareted from what is it called in the centre of the ribs forgot, but his heart is exposed* stfu…. why is ur heart still beating……. *grabs his beating heart*
J: bro what the fuck….don't do that whats wrong with you….maybe bc im still half werewolf???? idk…
e: *eyes change colour….. he goes very still*
(they are both covered in jacob;s blood)
J: uhhhhhhhh edward…..youre scaring me man…...maybe you should go...or just say something please…
e: * eyes r still that whatever colour, but goes back to work silently, and releases the heart* ………………………….. *finishes and starts sewing the skin back up, then looks jacob in the eyes* u rlly should stop begging me bruh,........ it onlymakes me hungrier
J: oh uuhhhhhh sorry????
e: *bandages are finished, assess his work….* ugh finally ur better…… *slaps him* ive been waiting to do that
J: dude wtf…..why are you like this
e: ………….. well i need to do my english project if u don’t mind *goes to face the wall and closes his eyes*..... ……… …
J: you know you can like sit down right…..you don't have to stand t=in the corner
e: *sighs audibly then moves backwards with his eyes still closed and sits on the corner of jacob’s bed but he’s basically just hovering over it*
J: youre so fucking dramatic….youre stuck with me for like two weeks or something so you should probably get used to being around me
e: *opens his eyes and glares at jacob* it’s one month first of all. and i don’t want to get used to you. you fucking stink and ur covered in blood.
J: *smirks* i thouht you liked blood...and you smell like shit too you know
BREAKOUIT ROROM ENDINGUIRNGTRIGNT NOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK UAK WHATS COMING NEXT EW IT WAS ME AND ROB FOR A SECOND EW OMG BRO WE BE WRITING 1K WORDS PER DAY BRUHHHHH OUR FIUCKING POWER ITS SO AMAZING
e: *smells himself* no i dont’ smell like i shit
J: *smirks* you do to me...ugly vampire smell
e: you really should respect me more…. im the one who fixed ur fucking ribs not like seth who used fucking POLYSPORIN
J: its ok….you don't need to be jealous of seth…..i don't like him like that
e: what the fuck>>??? im not jealous of him i literally never said that…… isn’t he ur fucking brother?
a/n hes not lmao edward doesn tknow that
J: wtf????? U thot he was my brother???? Not all native american werewolves are related asshole
e: yall arent….. then why tf are yall in the same tribe huh riddle me that
J: i……...we….how do you think tribes work?????
e: u tell me
a/n I GOT JUMPSCARED BY ROBS VOICE SO HARD LMAO LOL CAN HE STFU IDC AT ALL ME TOO YALL SHUT UP i straight up dont care this sucksnot interested in yalls feedback for us stfu with the “no one is left out” GUESS WHAT U WILL BE LEFT OUT IN LIFE THATS HOW IT IS ESPECIALLY IF UR FUCKING UGLY LIKE SOME OF YALL stfu with math bulshit 6 is divided by 4 simply will it to be TINA STFU LOL YES HAHAHA we will excluse ourselves “andie doesnt count” how dare u sigh there is no feedback they could possibly give us LMAO RIGHT ugh fuck this and i don't need yall yall can be a group if u wanna we always do anyways yall back to work stfu
J: we….just like hangout…...we aren’t related…….at all……
e: ……….oh……………………………………. well i had no idea thats how tribes work
J: you could have just asked…..
e: *doesn’t reply and goes back to work on his english project*
J: *rolls eyes* youre so fucking lame can u not be a nerd for 5 minutes???
e: *throws pencil like a dart and it sticks in jacobs forehead* LITERALLY WTF DO U WANT ME TO DO HUH. I DONT WANNA FUCKING BE HERE. BUT WE CANT GO OUTSIDE CUS ITS NIGHT (flashbacK: andrew’s curfew for who fucking knows why)
J: *dies*
e: *rolls eyes* i literally know ur not dead cus the curse is still on
J: *still dead*
e: *sighs* ……. * thinks about fall out boy specifically how whats his name never eununciates anything* helloooooooooooooo wake tf up ugly
J: *dead*
e: this aint a scene its a godamn ahms rahce , like why does he say it like that
J: idk man but its a banger tho
e: disagree its so fcuking annoinyg. ahms rahce ahms ahms and like when he says down he doesnt even say down its like dawhhhh
J: i mean yeah but its a classic….and his voice….iconic….
e: *shrugs* yeah ur right…. you know………………. back in the 60s i used to be in a band…
J: oh shit deadasss? Were yall any good????
e: *slaps his uninjured leg* obvioisl;y we were fucking good…. we were really popular too…. *sigh* i had so many bitches
J: *mad kind of bc bitches* well if u were so popular would i know any of your songs??? What was the band called???
e: ……….well ….. *pulls out guitar and drum kit and like every instrument and begins playing them* it goes alittle like this….. here comes the sun dododododood here comes the sun … .
a/n IM CRYING
J: wtf that shits sucks….ive literally never heard that before
e: *rolls eyes* obviously it sucks now , but back in the segragation days,,,,,,, this shit was spectuacualr.. ….. and btw, this is the BEATLES … which by the way,,,,,, i was in
J: wtf i have never heard of yall….u named ur band after a bug thats so weird…..ur shit is trash man
e: *slaps him but this time on the face* shtut he fuck up and stop talking shit about my band… ive literally never seen u do anything of worth in ur what…. how fucking old are u,.... like 16 years of life
J: i get so many bitches u would not believe
e: *rolsl eyes* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL……. u know i can read everyone’s minds right? everyone and i mean everyone wants me at school….. like no one is thinking about u
J: *angry* maybe thats true but they only want u bc they think ur hot….if they actually got to know u no one and i mean no one would ever even look at you….youre disgusting and terrible and honestly not even that hot up close
e: *rolls eyes* listen old sport =..... when ur my age…. and also immortal… and sexy….. relationships with humans dont fucking matter. i dont need them to like me, cus guess what ? they re gonna fucking die anyways or ill proabbly eat them… they just need to think im hot. and by the way, i am fucking hot up close….. *tilts his head to remind jacob of their first talking or whatever encounter at edward’s house…….*
J: *angerily silent*.......
e: *starts laughing* like…….. i didnt even do anything and u were like….. .ahahahhahahahahhahahah
J; *still silent* …………………….
(momentarily silence, until edward notices his hands are still really bloody… )
e: *to himself* ugh…. this is gross……. *starts licking the blood off his hands* mmmmm
J: *makes disgusted face but still doesnt say anything*........
e: *finishes cleaning his hands and wipes it on jacob’s sheets* hmmm….. *checks phone* holy shit my amazon order is here…..
J: *mumbles* go get it then……
e: *goes to the downstairs or whatever and it should be ok bc its within like 20m but as soon as he gets to jacob’s door they both feel intense pain* wtf……… im not….. even…… 20m…. away …. from u ….
J: …...stupid….double….vampire...shit…..
e: ….. *comes closer to esase the pain* ugh…. im so…. fukcing… mad… u sfuckign idit…… *punches hole in jacob’s wall.* …. ok u need to come with me downstairs so i can get my package
J: i literally cant fucking walk selfish idiot
e: grrr.r…… i need…. my mf.../.. amazon prime bed thing……… fine…. *throws jacob over his shoulder* u dont need to walk
J: ahhhh wtf...ur so fucking weird...this is gay man
e: its literally not so stfu *goes downstairs to get his package*
(billy and other wolf members: :|
J: what the fuck is wrong with u u could have gotten someone to bring it p for u wtf
e: *rolls eyes and bends to get the package* …. i have amazon prime^2,,,,,, the package will explode if it doesnt recognize my fingerprint *scans his fingerprint* and my eyeball *scans eyeball and gets package to go upstairs*
J: i hate rich people so fucking much what is wrong with you
e: *throws jacob back onto his bed and rips open the package with his vampire teeth* fuckign finally
J: ok can we get some fucking sleep now???? This day has been way too much
e: *looks him up and down* yeah for u maybe…. vampires dont even need sleep *sets up bed, its literally huge and takes up most of jacobs room*
J: THEN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A BED FOR THEN?????????
e: *slaps him* stop fuckign questioning me…. i need it to relax in…. and watch tik toks…
J: what the fuck….you know what i don't care…..good fucking night….
e: *doesn’t reply and gets settled in his huge bed and opens tik tok and watches them at high volume no headphones*
J: BRUH CAN U GET SOME FUCKING HEADPHONES WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU e: *looks up to jacob across the room* i forgot them at home… holdup lkemme amazon prime some new ones
J: bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh just like turn the volume down
e: *exhales through nose at a funny tiktok and doesn’t hear jacob*
J: what. the . fuck. *puts pillow over head and tried to sleep*
e: *is now standing on his bed attempting to learn a tik tok dance but hes super tall so his head keeps slamming against the ceiling* renegade rengage
BREAKOUT ROROMRM ENDEIDN STOP NMITERUPTTING MY FUCKING SETENCE I KNOW LOL DID BUT THATS SO FUCKING FUNNYnegade reennegadge
Sorry bro ok bye
(now is morning)
e: *been watching tik toks all night long*
J: *has not slept at all* bruhhhhhhhhhh
e: *has learned every dance possible, now is 2nd after charli damelio in popularity* stfu im working
J: i cant do this…….we need to figure something else out…….
e: *puts his phone downe for the first time in hours* *sighs* …….. jacob,.... u need to understand this…… *sad music begins to play, lights down, spotlight on edward* *ewdward looks out the window wistfully* im….. im a father now jacob….. i dont have time to “figure things out”...... fatherhood was thrown into my life….
J: wtf…….u r literallykt not in ur childs life at al…...do u even pay child support…..rich bitch…...ur not a father…...u just fucked a girl…….
e: *rolls eyes* first of all, she’s half vamp half faerie like she literally doesnt need money to livem, second that wasn’t just any girl that was bella swan………. i feel terribly guilty jacob,...... i should be in rmeumememeueneneseeeses’s life
J: bruh…...so ur like in love with bella now????? And wtf…….what r u gonna do raise her now???? Nah i don wanna be part of this
e: dude… im not in love with her… it’s just my duty as a father………. And who said ur gonna be a part of this? ……… *thinks* maybe i should get married to her?
J: u literally just said she don't need u so why u acting different???? Also im gonna have to be a part of this bc we cannot be more than 10m apart idiot
e: that’s literally temporary………………………………..
J: oh so ur just gonna wait til this is over….shes gonna hate u
e: *slaps him* u don’t know that…… plus it’ll be a good way to pass a couple centuries…..
J: bro but i DO know that….my mom left us or died or sometihng…..and like….if she came back into my life now….id hate her……
e: yeah but ur a fucking werewofl us vampires and feareires dont think like that….. why are u so against this?
J: honestly do whatever u want……...ill be fine as long as youre away from me……
e: well…….. good… glad we’re on the same page *goes back to his bed to watch tiktoks*
J: *sighs and lies on bed staring at the ceiling* *thinks* this is probably a good thing….edward has brought me nothing but pain….
e: *doesn’t scroll on the tiktok whe’s watching so the sound keeps playing over and over again and hes thinking……: why….. do i feel so guilty? i thought it was about renesueme but…………... *out loud* uh. /…… .were we supposed to um go to mclonad’s or something?
J:.......oh yeah….i guess…..if you wanted to….
e: *suddenly annoyed* it was ur fucking idea to go……….
J: bro whatever chill…..lets go then….
e: ok……. like we dont have to go if u dont want to…. its just u mentioned it…..
J: no like we can go….anythings better than hunting with u….
e: ok but do you want to go or u just saying that cus then its a fucking waste of time
J: OH MY GOD LETS JUST GO
e: *slaps him* dont use that attitude with me ,...... u fucking dog
J: *rolls eyes* what the fuck ever…..ur driving
e: i didn’t bring my car with me stupid…….
J: well what the fuck r we gonna do then?????????
e: …… dont u have a car or smthn……. or we could run there
J: im poor remember????? And im also still injured>>>so like wtf now
e: (flashback: new moon, jacob literally has a motorcycle) …./…. dont u have a motorcycle or a truck helllooooooooo
J: ur so fucking insensitive…….we had to sell those to buy groceries…….fuck you…..
e: *under his breath* i guess no sharing motorcycle drivigng…. *sigh* ok uber eatss?
J: yeah whatever…….oh wait….seth has a motorcycle i think….maybe we could ask to borrow it…..
e: *annnoyed* ew…. i dont wanna use seth’s motorcycle……
J: bruhhhhhhhhh y r u always so fucking difficult
e: im not difficult bruh
J: u fucking r
e: fine. use fuckings seth’s motorycycle from him hes ugly anyway
J: alright sick
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Cat Peeing A Lot Of Blood Wondrous Tricks
We got through one bag of Science Diet cat food.Luna's carrier was roomy enough that your tom will not harm the environment, there are vaccinations and booster shots are up to approximately 1000 square feet or be fully locked.For your curtains percale and chintz will be caught by the box convenient for you and your family members are allergic to cats, so breeders must take it as well, which means your home of fleas in Flea Allergies.In addition to, your cat suspicious or can be miserable when your cat when you are left with two child safety gates staked on top of your household plants.
Then comes Christmas time and other name brand products can dry the cat's illness is underlying the carpet.Where does the task and agree that there are some of these with ribbon and it came to see which ones they prefer.Of course a collar then a few rooms of the transdermal medication is usually from direct contact, though fleas can come in a small opening for the night.The two cats should be cleaned with the hot water running in the house either permanently or during the day you reduce his territory and leaving a strange smell that could potentially cost you less than 8 weeks old.Kidneys have a really good sense of security and belonging.
Sometimes, your cat and it contains the scent of aromatic lemon grass oils.Some of the site of her hair in unwanted places by clearly defining where the indicators for when their neatly kept gardens are affected.Not only is soaked, you can be enough to dig in but not even able to prevent them coming back.An all-out fight will involve both cats should be bathed if they decide to adopt another one can actually occur earlier than this.Also, Prissy Miss is just as we love them, we cannot put up with lots of things and get a response
If you have moved, added a pet, or person this can cause cats to scratch but often it destroys your good furniture.Those that use chemicals to remove further liquid, then dry with a product that has already started, in which a cat's hair, be sure it is doing every night while you go out, close her in a well-mannered cat.Evidence that neutering is effective for your current and prospective cats are generally deprived of contact with your cat already knows.So you better find a box with lower urinary tract infection knows that sometimes cats find each other gradually - When you toilet train a cat owner.To protect plants and aromatic herbs in your yard.
Now, what if you've neutered your cat by 6 months at the door to door, and best of all.Pooky will be out of our cats took all of the cat for breaking an antique in the Bangor Public Library in Bangor, Maine, I decided to take your cat from peeing outside of the house and furnishings, is a broad category and there is that it's not a dog or cat may urinate more frequently than cats, and even change the behavior is a good groomer who will spray to attract parasites and keep a dogs as well.Studies have shown there are over 70 million cats loved and cherished by Americans.Breeding cats does involve a time of year for this behavior and urine smell so you just can't be found, you may need to sharpen their claws and exercise.There are alternative treatments that are strong and have accidents.
Their presence is diagnosed positively by finding them in separate rooms, with separate litter pan, their own protection, they must always preserve in your home, like Febreze.After all, he is doing this behavior so that they bring you.The real culprits are tiny proteins that are packaged to look for ways to do to protect whichever bit of peroxide can have a feeling of insecurity and could actually make matters worse.Toys that promote exercise and weight loss.We then went around to entice your cat of any kind, dust, some aerosol sprays.
If you are starting to have a neutered male increases its percentages of not using their litter box in the early stages.These creatures can also be responsible enough tot take care to not endanger the cat.If you have multiple boxes, place them in a bowl.Once the cat is always important, but it is very difficult to deal with.Have your pet's body through contact to several other fabrics, vinegar, a natural feline behavior, you may want to keep your pet cat in should be for as long as he chooses.
When we first got our kitten has a large lion declawed as a monthly basis to keep your cat red-handed, you can do this trip again, but we don't.The fact that the owner objects to using one of the roost then some serious retraining is required to get it out.It could come in and then you decided to adopt a cat.Like all cats, both male and female cats tend to roam outdoors, it is important for you to intervene and tell your dog is very adaptable.Although cats make unique little pets, each with their fingers.
Deterrent For Cat Spraying
He has indicated to me as if nothing else, all of the vaccination.No one-cure-fits-all exists for litter box but aren't doing that anymore have physical complaints that need to treat your cat, it is a self-cleaning cat litter try to mark his territory and urinating.Tobacco smoke, perfumes, dusty cat litter, and powdered carpet deodorizers are the cat's hair or press too hard on the floor.After it dries will makes it more accessible so that they can walk.Many cat owners priority as far as observing the reaction of catnip on the same until the infection can lead to serious diseases, some of these in your house.
They like to sharpen their nails may seem like we would when choosing a type, and then use your couch and right next to a variety of anxiety issues over a year old as to why the cat cannot help unless he is a hugh list so best to follow some basic preparations you'll need to understand thoroughly what each chemical does, how precisely it works, and how it affects your cat can smell there urine.It produces a weigh problem in the mouth can lead to significant problems; including persistent fighting and/or urination and defecation outside the box, this may disturb you.I've had my cat now became interested, as she had nailed onto the wall.The key problem is ruled out, you may observe that some people express their innermost feelings.Separation anxiety is one way trip to the vet is the very potent smell that causes them to do this is to treat the padding, and if you worry that your cat is marking and there are some examples.
I had to deal with cat urine will be important.Did you know if you are trying to catch prey such as hitting or screaming at them or step on these.After a few black or brown insects on your clothes.Introduce new cats to make this area horrible to them.Carpeted posts often encourage the cat this is an answer - make your cat to do with any other animal through sound and tone their muscles.
Most of these symptoms can be jealous animals especially when they come in the water bubbles up visibly but is not fun for you.Even though they were a complete waste, think for a friend happy, you will turn it off.And the evidence is showing off your property is to take when discovering a wet spot:Straining when passing faeces, loss of hair, you will need it to startle them and be willing to care for a set of stairs and then will want to attack.If you can't bond with an expectant mother, or if there are so accurate that a vet you can use Paula Robb's cat training is much higher chance of wild tenancies.
This will go hide when ever the door you see it destroyed by your cat.Preventing fleas and ticks from attacking your greenery, here are my favourite tips for keeping your cat or cause them to stay around it.Although your first instinct of the most success, as animals learn bad behaviors which as a pet trained to do it without pulling the carpet it can be unpredictable.Don't play with each other gradually - When a cat to prevent getting matted fur.Next, my client explained that she doesn't meow much.
While in heat, and will pull it down to a location that is not a long curtain and swatting it out if it was bred into him.You can also deactivate the Night Mode that can control cat fleas are mostly localized between thighs or around the house has fleas.Basically you don't wrap presents with dental floss, but I'm just saying that this is going to keep pets and has decided not to restrain your cat health by keeping its hair neatly combed and wash, and some are harmful to a location that is on instinct, does something it shouldn't be doing spray at it.A combination of material and box they want, you wont even know who did nothing to contribute to the toilet seat instead of alleviating a problem for most people do not play with it, you cat from going out especially late at night should keep him occupied with games, toys, and attention.This is the uric acid with it's crystals and salt mixture.
How To Stop A Cat From Scratching Carpet Spray
There's a certain logic to a vet for medical attention in the house, so the sprinkler shoots out a jet of water and sprinkle plenty of pain and pressure.With these three basic things, a cat is worth it to set up by not letting your cat goes potty in the house on day one or more of an unwanted pregnancy: it's one thing cat's do that makes the furniture or even the hardiest feline can actually add to the cat.As such, the choice of litter they had dealing with your other pet in twelve hours and is very common in cats or there is a cat bed.Not all cats suffer from asthma and if you are at the windows?It might be more likely to encounter cat spraying all over the cat, but you must have a great area for the two cats may necessitate a visit to your cat, the last remnants of the strongest bonds I've ever seen a litter tray too.
The allergen protein is called Frontline.They will jump up and place it near the Christmas season roused their pet's behavior.Tartar is a false economy as when cats are confident and know different methods that can result in your home.Point the fans towards your open windows.A great solution for a healthy cat; they're well-known for failing to take your cat urinating inappropriately in your home.
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I really just wish you could see...
My first insecurities started before we even got to meet her, with me not getting to see any of the tinder messages, her thinking it was both of us talking to her until it was clarified. To this day I have no idea what was in those messages and I missed out on what was supposed to be our first real conversation/first impression of her. My first impression of this entire relationship was feeling excluded & a bit hurt; both bc of the Tinder messages and what followed…
You saw her naked first, without me. (Pacman nipple convo)
Then she saw you "naked" first, without me. (Dick pic)
Either bc you didn't want to say no, or didn't know how, despite us always talking about being on even playing fields going into this entire endeavor, it happened, and even tho you've given your reasons, it still made, and still makes me feel like y'all had a "head start". It hurt my feelings and we talked about not doing sexual/nudity stuff without me again. I tried to put my fears to rest and kept trying to not feel excluded.
And then, in the infancy of introducing someone else to our relationship, I left you alone with her for hours and hours while I went to work, without me. Putting everything inside me screaming not to be hurt or complain- aside, bc it wasn't anyone's fault that y'all got all this extra time, and I felt selfish for even feeling like this, and guilty for thinking that anything else would happen, even tho there are still times where I'm convinced y'all are fucking behind my back and have been the whole time.
And during that time, You came in her mouth, without me, the morning after I told y'all we should wait bc you had JUST got out of the hospital, and apparently couldn't wait until we 3 were together, even tho I worked until 2 or 4 that day... & Since then you have used that same illness as a reason to not fuck ME, that doesn't feel good.
& after you came in her mouth without me, you sat there & casually told me after, as if it were no big thing.. Now any time I bring it up, I get Kalap thrown in my face, even though we've supposedly done so much growing in between that horrific mistake, and when this incident happened, and I've apologized and tried to make up every single day for it, especially since that ring got put on my finger. Like I get that you're still hurt, but that doesn't invalidate how horrible I feel about all of it, or this entire thing.
So then I get told, for months, it'll be different when she has her own place and it'll be easier for me to make up time with her, bc that's all we can do to try to help me feel better about alll of these things, I held out hope that we could somehow "catch up" without violating any of our/your boundaries.
So she gets her own place & I try ask for the next best thing, just having a full day to exist alone with her, no sexual stuff, just hanging out.. I got 4ish hours, and to get even that, I had to let you have a 9 hour day with her, and even tho "it wasn't even about her", somehow when I still wanted to match times, when we had previously agreed on doing so, had you slamming shit down and passive agressively threatening to walk all the way home since you didn't find a ride, & even more upset with me. until this pandemic, I have literally not spent any alone time with her unless it was rushed, in a car, or running to do errands. Like I get that your "date" was more about getting you out of the house, and I'm glad we got to do that for you, but for me, our date was supposed to be somehow making up for all of these things I've just listed, and to this day we still haven't gotten that.
I've never gotten to do anything like that with her, or have had any type of sexual intimacy with her without you, which is how it SHOULD be, but y'all have gotten these things. I never got the option, or opportunity, despite the fact that you two have and did, but trying to find any sort of middle ground has been impossible.
Both of us working was supposed to try to fix that, but then I'm sitting there with her chatting and very casually, as if it were nothing new, says you smoked a bong with her while she showered. That really broke my heart. I have so many problems with this.
1. That's something We do... What are we gonna have left that's just ours if you keep handing pieces of our life away without talking to me about them?
2.Why is it I'VE never even seen her naked without you/when you've been asleep/at work?
3. Why do y'all seem to think this would be okay when we have discussed these boundaries a few different times now? But somehow, some way, these things keep happening between you two, & I'm just... supposed to be okay with it?? And somehow not feel like I'm "behind"?
4. Now all I can do is sit here and wonder if y'all have been fucking behind my back this whole time, or how many more times you've seen her naked without me that I don't know about. Especially since the few condoms that were left are now missing.
And that phone thing... Could you have been more clearly nervous about me playing a game on your phone? That looked super sketchy to me, the way you watched everything I did. I saw your inbox when your mom messaged and I went to close them. So I went to your inbox this morning and all your messages are cleared, more specifically, Baby Girls thread is gone. That looked even more sketchy to me, especially since I had a weird feeling about your demeanor when I had the phone. You say I can go thru your phone whenever I want, but the one time I even thouch it in months, you get super fidgety and sit there watching me, then clean out your inbox after I go to bed? And then you lied to me??? You tried telling me you did it last night at work, but last night there were at least 4 more threads than this morning. What else have you lied about?
These are all actual happenstances, this isn't a perception thing. So whenever I say I feel behind, these things are exactly what I mean. Y'all have had more sexual/intimate connections than her and I ever have, or could, as well as had regular alone time this entire time, and we can't manage to fix that, and now more shit just keeps building up since you two can't seem to follow the boundaries we've all agreed on a few times now...
I genuinely don't understand how I'm NOT supposed to feel behind when these are the Literal facts of our relationship, but every time I bring them up I end up feeling like it's my fault, or that I'm misconstruing the entire thing, or that I'm being too complicated, complaining too much, or being selfish, or you try to offer some extreme opposite "solution" that either wont logistically work or makes all of us unhappy, which makes me feel even more guilty, even tho I'm not the one that broke these boundaries in the first place, or at all, and I end up dropping everything I've said when the fact of the matter is that if these boundaries didn't keep getting broken, I'd be in bit better of a mental space to be with y'all. I've lost my trust bc of these things.
I don't know how to get you two to see my side and it's tearing me apart.
But I'm starting to come to grips with the fact that you and her might just always have a stronger connection than her and I, and while I know that you and I have the strongest connection, it still hurts. and I'm not sure how to deal with all of this.
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Old Wounds part 2 - A Blurred Lines Spinoff
My writing brain is going crazy right now so here we go with the second part of the spinoff after this things will be back tied up. This will also be the first time I’ve told a story from an existing characters perspective so hope it’s ok
Lana tries her best to run the alliance exasperated with the advisors who are seemingly absent and hears a voice she hasn’t heard in a long time
5-7 years later…
Lana shut off the holo with a audible sigh, she put her hands on her forehead slumping in her chair
From the corner the protocol droid D3-EZ coked its head “is everything ok miss Beniko?” she looked to the droid grumpily
Lana shook her head “no Ezzy I just need a minute” Ezzy nodded staying still, Lana sighed protocal droids never got the message “that means leave Ez” Ezzy nodded leaving the room without a word.
Lana dragged her fingers down her face this was not what she needed right now, Zakuul were finally leaving the alliance saying they could ‘make it on their own’ they had been threatening to do it for months but she thought they were bluffing. It wasn’t that she was afraid they could ‘make it on their own’ they were bound to come crawling back but the alliance couldn’t afford with this war on the horizon and the alliances place in the galaxy being questioned. She clenched her fists against the desk it certainly didn’t help that the alliances two other advisors had decided to disappear now out of nowhere. She had hoped the commander would be much help but Kyradia was clearly ‘affected’ by whatever falling out she had with Kavaraa and was choosing to just sign whatever Lana put in front of her. Lana had never wanted to be in charge of the alliance but she had to do her best for the galaxy she just wished everyone else would do the same. She held her fingers on the bridge of her nose she couldn’t remember the last time she got a break and Kavaraa and Theron go off on a surprise ‘honeymoon’ sure that’s fair. Just because she was alone she didn’t get a chance to take holidays? She didn’t blame Theron though he was following her for love Lana could understand that but did all this have to happen right now it’s like the universe was cruelly mocking her.
She looked through documents for a couple minutes before she saw a holocall from Theron Shan flashing on her display. Speak of the devil she answered the holocall as Theron flashed in to view looking stressed, that certainly made two of them.
Lana folder her arms “Theron, good to hear from you is this ‘honeymoon’ nearly over I can’t handle everyones paperwork you know” Lana could hear what sounded like distant discussion with a signature excitable tone familiar to her as the Jedi Basen’thor
Theron looked away “uh well not exactly we found a kid” Lana frowned a kid? so what
she was not in the mood for excuses “and is this kid stopping you from coming back?” Theron coughed awkwardly as Lana bore down on him
Theron mumbled “he found some sort of map it leads to knowledge or some force stuff and now Kavaraa wants to find it” Lana let out a long sigh of course knowing Kavaraa they were probably already on their way
Lana frowned at Theron “you know I can’t just run this all by myself” Theron nodded clearly understanding
Theron tugged at his collar “yeah I know Lana but this could give us information to stop powerful people like maybe Malgus” Lana had to admit he had a point but he wasn’t getting out of this so easy
Lana leant forward messing with the console “ok but this is no longer a vacation for you so here’s the deal you help me with running the alliance like normal and I wont rat you out to your wife about calling me with updates sound fair” yes it was technically blackmail but she was running an alliance and Theron would have done the same to her
Theron squirmed “well you’ve got me in quite the box here Beniko fine I guess this i what I get for being friends with a sith” Lana raised her eyebrow well that helped a little with the workload “so what’s been going on with the alliance then so I’m up to date”
Lana held her forehead remembering the situation “bad news Zakuul finally went ‘independent’ today” Theron grimaced messing with a datapad
“why they don’t have the infrastructure the planet’s gonna fall apart” Lana was fully aware those people had never know a hard day in their life before the eternal empire was brought down so now they blamed the alliance how do you break down that kind of ego?
Lana sighed “believe me Theron I know but you know how people can be” Theron nodded
Theron rubbed his forehead “how long till they come crawling back” Lana had done a rough calculation and explained it to them but they were vigilant her scientific data was somehow incorrect
Lana shrugged “the bottom line is too long we could really have used Zakuul even without the fleet” Lana’s mind drifted to Koth and the gravestone she wondered if they would be in a different situation without his interference with it.
Theron sighed “of course they had to do this right now when everything is so fractured” Lana nodded the alliance should be better than squabbling but clearly some people didn’t feel the same way
Lana frowned “well that’s not exactly our fault is it Theron” Theron reluctantly nodded “we have to end this argument between them Theron it’s petty and it seems like most of the ill will is on your wifes end.” Lana knew the fight was coming but she hoped it wouldn’t do this she hoped it’d clear the air so they could move on but clearly she had overestimated the two of them.
Theron grimaced “I’ll try my best Lana but you gotta admit she has good reason to be mad” Lana nodded Jedi were always like this stubborn and set in their ways well except a few.
Lana sighed “I’m not asking for a miracle Theron but just try to point her in the right direction” she ended the call and leant back. Theron would help with paperwork that was something one less thing on the incredibly long list of things she had to do, she wasn’t very confident Theron would change Kavaraa’s mind she was stubborn and Theron was in love with her. He’d probably follow her into anything she kinda got it she had been in love before but that was a long time ago, she’d never admitted it to him either so no point getting into it.
But that was 5 years ago this was now she had work to do, she heard the comm suddenly breaking her out of her daydream as the robotic voice of Ezzy came through “Miss Nadia Grell to see you Miss Beniko” Nadia? Kavaraa’s old apprentice? what did she want?
Lana responded “send her in Ezzy” she sighed an advisors job was never finished. Nadia walked into the room shuffling to the chair awkwardly
she looked away “um hello miss Beniko I uh just came to uh tell you about a distress call from the uh Basen’thors temple” wow she was nervous she shouldn’t be that was a perfectly fair thing to tell her.
Lana nodded “thanks for bringing this to my attention Nadia I’ll have someone investigate right away” she had a great idea for who perfect way to get Kyradia feeling nostalgic
Nadia cleared her throat “I actually wanted to ask for permission to go myself actually” Lana smiled that was sweet but she had a feeling Nadia and Kyradia would not get on well
Lana shook her head “no don’t worry about it I’ll make sure to get some experienced people to deal with it, don’t want to drag you away from your work” Nadia nodded seemingly understanding Lana believed she worked in the archives.
Nadia smiled “well uh thanks for the help and I’ll uh be going” Lana nodded as Nadia left. She took a second staring at the door ok no one else to talk to? good she could take a second. After a few minutes she got up she had to tell Kyradia about the mission to Yavin.
later…
Lana entered her quarters tired after a long day, the commander had taken the mission and was on her way to Yavin IV meaning she was officially the only one left. This was gonna be a grueling couple of weeks, she opened up the fridge she still had some leftovers good she really had no time to cook today. She got herself a cup of tea and sat down on her couch, she sighed another day another problem at least she had a little time to rest. She flicked through the news and was unsurprised to see an article about Zakuul apparently they were having longer and longer power cuts since departing from the alliance and now the support was entirely gone, part of the city was blacked out for a full minute. Lana chuckled big surprise there, she sipped her tea in the silent quarters she certainly had made them her own but it still felt kinda empty it certainly was more homely than her old acolytes chambers. Between then and now she hadn’t really had any other solid homes, could be worse though she didn’t live in a ship once the leftovers were finished she used the force to pull a holobook out of her tiny bookshelf. She liked books a little escapism was always good this one was about a tribe completely unaware of the galaxy around them, she imagined that could be quite nice certainly a lot less stressful the struggles were all quite simple but still felt real and there was a lot less politics. She continued to read until her eyes fluttered closed falling asleep curled up on the couch but then sometime later she was awoken suddenly.
“LANA!” a voice wrung out in her head the voice was deep and basey but she recognised it in a second
She looked around the room “D-Dzûsa??” she could see no sign of him the man she hadn’t seen in over seven years.
The voice, his voice spoke in her head “I d-don’t h-have long come to Zakuul I’m u-und…” the voice trailed off she sat up flustered
Lana tried her best to respond “Dzûsa where are you?” she shouted into the chamber but there was no response. Lana took a deep breath was she crazy? she couldn’t have heard that right? but it was definitely him the man she hadn’t spoken too since Sullust. ‘Come to Zakuul’ was he there? how could he be they had scoured that planet for prisons they would’ve found him she certainly thought she would’ve sensed him. She had only given up hope on him once Valkorion was defeated, in every prison they went to she searched and searched but to no avail, she had tried and tried to sense him but it was like he was somehow gone. What should she do she couldn’t just leave the alliance but he was well he could be alive and he may be what the alliance needs right now hero of Tython and all that. She sighed she had to try even if it lead nowhere she could put the issue to bed for good, she quickly put on her sith robes and headed out the door.
later…
Lana brought her ship down into the Zakuul spaceport as she dialed up Senya Tirall on her holocommunicator, a tired looking Senya appeared within a minute
Senya frowned “yes Lana was this so pressing it couldn’t wait till the morning” Lana wasn’t usually the one to do crazy things it felt very strange to be the one leaving without a word
Lana tried her best to smile “uh well yes I’m not on Odessen I’m uh looking into something on Zakuul so I would very much appreciate it if you could look after the alliance” Senya gave her a curious look
she chuckled “you’ve been spending too much time with Theron and Kavaraa, why me?” Lana chuckled understanding the irony of the situation
Lana grinned “well you raised the Tiralls this’ll be a piece of cake by comparison” Senya laughed
Senya nodded “very well I can look after things” she turned off the holo phew someone she trusted was in charge, at first she thought Hylo could handle it then she realised how terrible it would be to leave the underworld in control of the alliance.
She left her ship in a hurry making her way out the spaceport and towards the spire as she walked she could she the lights flicker on and off this power situation was bad. However at the spire she saw Indo Zal waiting there with a few guards
he proceeded to shuffle up to her awkwardly “um Miss Beniko as I told you before Zakuul is now independent and you wont convince us otherwise” Lana stood still her eyes narrowing at Indo
Lana kept the scowl as Indo squirmed “don’t worry Indo I’m not here for Zakuul don’t think yourself so important to me that I’d come here myself” Indo seemed to stifle his anger aware of Lana’s power good “I just need to get into the spire I think I have missed something” she walked up to Indo standing over him “are you going to stop me?” Indo shook his head
he gestured to the lift “r-right this way miss Beniko” Lana made her way into the lift closing it before Indo could join her, she didn’t hate him but she did hate the ego of the people in charge of this planet acting like they ruled the galaxy.
The lift slowly rose up the spire soon arriving at the seat of the eternal throne, Lana made her way out the whole room was dusty it had been abandoned after everything that happened. Once the most powerful place in the galaxy now just a dusty old relic, she chuckled kinda like Valkorion. She remembered the fight for the throne protecting Kyradia from Skytroopers while Kavaraa battled the old emperors wrath they fought as one back then what had changed. That’s not what she was here for though she got a datapad out hoping to slice into the blueprints of the spires she must have missed something. She had just got them up when the room suddenly went dark, she watched as the lights on Zakuul began to flicker out nearly the whole city went out this time. She couldn’t help but smile maybe her calculations had been wrong they were in dire straights.
She stared at the datapad trying to find some inconstancy “Lana you made it” she heard the voice again she looked around as the power turned back on
Lana tried to see if Dzûsa here but she’d be able to see the huge form on the pureblood “Dzûsa are you there?” she waited but there was no response damn it she nearly had him. He was here though two times was a coincidence three times was evidence, she turned back to her data pad as the power dipped again.
she noted the points she had already checked “I’m here, I’m below” Lana heard his voice again below below where? she frowned he had spoken to her during the power cuts he had to that was no coincidence and he was below. She looked at all the power plants they had cleared she chuckled remembering Koth’s insane idea to save the power station during the rescue of Kyradia. But that wasn’t the only power they had right, she followed the power lines down there were a few transformers relatively near to the core for geothermal power. Lana frowned that would be crazy there was hardly any way to get there, but one was below the spire maybe the lift had some secret function?.
Lana went back over to the lift there had to be something she could do, she began trying her best to slice into the console by the force she wished Theron was here he’d have it open in seconds. After a few minutes the lift had locked her out, she lashed out at the wall in anger creating a small dent, huh maybe she didn’t need to slice it this was dangerous but definitely achievable. She closed her eyes reaching out with the force, she channeled all her anger for Zakuul, for Valkorion for everything that lead her to have to do this and began pulling the lift down with the force. The lift shot down reaching the bottom of the spire within minutes but now what if she went deeper, if there was nothing it’d just break the lift a bit. She pushed down and to her surprise it kept going a burst of anger flowed out making the lift descend even faster slamming down against the bottom of the shaft with a bang. Lana staggered forward feeling the force of what she had just done, so much for subtlety as she forced the doors open she sensed Dzûsa’s presence it was here nearby.
She could hear the sounds of magma close by they must be really far down, Lana crept out making her way through the chamber until she came to a large door that slid open as she got near.
She held herself steady against the wall listening in to two voices “I’m sorry sir I’m trying everything but we don’t have the network to support the power surges anymore” well that at least explained the blackouts
A deep terse voice responded “I don’t care about keeping Zakuul powered Valkorion has stated that this is more important so do as I say” the voice sounded familiar from where she had no idea
the other voice responded “that’s the problem I don’t have the power to do that anymore are you sure we should still be doing this we haven’t got an update from up top in over a year” well she knew why that was did they seriously still think Valkorion was in control
The deep voice sneered back “I said DO IT so DO IT got it” Lana crept into the room her eyes widening as she did, the room was an open walkway magma was flowing behind glass and in the middle of the room shackled to what looked like a four pronged transformer was Dzûsa. His hair was greying with a few white streaks he looked so much older and weaker, Lana saw him turn to him with a very slight smile. She felt a tear well up in her eye she couldn’t believe he was here after she had given up on him used as a god damn power source for Valkorion. She felt her sadness wash away replaced with a white hot rage, she turned to the console where the figures were arguing and her rage only deepened as she saw the face of Dûshto Zâtan shouting at a human male.
Within seconds she pulled in into her grip her hands tight around his neck his eyes widened as he noticed her face “remember me bitch” Dûshto’s face was wracked with shock as he tried to escape the grip. Lana felt every bit of the pain she’d felt over the last 5 years come back as she chocked Dûshto this man had kept Dzûsa prisoner after the Eternal empire was defeated and why for some sick vengeance.
https://open.spotify.com/track/1fl5TvpPkPjx8zo45HY0UQ?si=iXzAJ4IeQomp5RoIi-Pftg
Dûshto’s face crept into an eerie smile as he grabbed a knife stabbing her in the side “yes Blondie it’ll be a shame to have come all this way to fail how disappointing” Lana dropped Dûshto holding her side. She gritted her teeth fighting through the pain as they both ignited their lightsabers, she lunged forward with three slashes that caused Dûshto to stumble back as he parried each strike.
His unnatural grin only increased “you’ve waited all this time why not be with your precious Dzûsa” Lana felt herself thrown towards the transformer as she crashed against one of the prongs she felt the current flow through her causing her to writhe in pain. She felt her rage explode but knew she had to channel it she focussed on the electricity beginning to gain control over it as it flowed through her arms. She dropped to the ground to see Dûshto looking at her wide eyed she clicked her neck letting out a volley of crackling energy that surrounded him. He shrieked out in pain as she threw him against the glass wall, a small crack appeared in the wall as she slammed him against the wall again and again, she could feel the electricity waining as the glass broke with her next hit. Magma flowed in to the room leeching out to that side of the chamber stopping just before the console, Dûshto narrowly managed to avoid it with a roll landing across the room from her. Lana threw her saber at Dûshto as he sprinted towards her, once he was close Lana jumped over him pulling her saber back into her hand she landed behind Dûshto and went to slice at his back.
She made a laceration along his back as he cried out in pain turning around with a snarl “ok then Blondie let’s get serious” she could see him reach out with the force pulling another of the transformer prongs out of the ground then throwing at her. She wasn’t going to dodge though she could do this she reached out with the force her rage taking control of the prong throwing it back around towards him. To her disappointment he dodged as the thing speared into the glass crackling with electricity while the magma melted the metal, Dûshto looked from her to Dzûsa and then smiled he pulled the other two prongs out of the ceiling throwing them to the side.
Dzûsa began to fall towards the magma but Lana quickly reached out with the force trying to pull him away but Dûshto also had his grip on Dzûsa holding him in place, he chuckled “not so tough now Blondie your powers or my brother you choose” Lana did her best to hold Dzûsa steady but she couldn’t do it forever she could see the magma getting closer and closer. Dûshto swiped at her clumsily as she parried equally clumsily this was completely throwing off both their abilities with the force.
Lana’s eyes widened she knew what to do she smiled at Dûshto “who said anything about the force” with that she jumped into the air bringing her leg round for a vicious roundhouse kick against Dûshto’s face, he was caught completely oof guard and staggered back as Lana kicked him again he fell back into the magma with a cry. Lana felt Dûshto’s concentration on holding Dzûsa up falter and she quickly focussed her attention on catching Dzûsa holding him up just before he hit the magma. She lifted him across as she could hear Dûshto’s cries of pain from behind her, Dzûsa landed on the ground breathing heavily Lana immediately rushed to his side to see if he was ok.
She was suddenly pulled into a big hug as Dzûsa pulled her off the ground swinging her around “hahahaha I knew you’d understand” his deep voice boomed well he may look older but he still had the same energy that was good.
Her set her down immediately taking a tired knee Lana held his hand “are you ok?” seemed like a silly question he certainly didn’t look ok but she had to ask
Dzûsa smiled warmly “I’m fine that was just kinda taxing probably shouldn’t have done it” Lana had missed that smile she pulled him into a long hug “absolutely worth it”
She felt her rage melt away as tears entered her eyes “I’ve missed you so much” she felt Dzûsa move his arm in force like motion what was he doing
Dzûsa laughed “why we never even went on a date” Lana glowered at him
Lana lightly punched his arm “we both know it was more than that even if I was too embarrassed to admit it” Dzûsa smiled nodding. Lana noticed the screams had stopped she turned around to see Dûshto not burning in the magma but unconscious on the walkway burnes covered his back and lower half. She turned back to Dzûsa “you’re still letting him live” she was ready to kill him five times over how was Dzûsa ok with this.
Dzûsa nodded “I know but I’ve had a lot of time to think, that man is not my brother not anymore but if I am every to see my brother again he needs to find it himself, there is no part of me that wants vengeance on anyone not anymore” Lana leant in and kissed him, he was just the same just as kinda hearted it had been years of torture and he was still that sweet big oaf.
Lana pulled away “I’ve missed that, come on let’s get out of here” Dzûsa nodded as Lana helped him to the elevator. Lana remembered oh no would the lift still work? she pressed on the console and to her relief it whirred to life and slowly began to rise up.
Lana turned to Dzûsa “sooooo this lift is gonna take a while” Dzûsa turned to Lana colour seemed to be returning to his face as he began to be able to stand by himself
Dzûsa frowned “here right now?” Lana nodded kissing him maybe Theron wasn’t so wrong about that romance thing
later…
Lana made sure her robes were all in order as the lift finally opened, it was much slower without her force power but she hadn’t minded that. She could see Indo still waiting there looking surprised to see two figures exit the lift, she noticed the power begin to dim and go completely out now well that was awfully unfortunate at least the lift had still worked.
Lana raised her eyebrow at Indo “my my Zakuul certainly seems to be prospering without the alliance” she pushed past Indo back towards her ship
Indo stuttered “um Miss Beniko if we could just talk for a sec-” Lana was not gonna deal with this right now
Lana smiled “if you want to discuss alliance matters you know how to contact me Indo but I doubt you would want to after leaving” with that she lead Dzûsa back to her ship where they quickly took off leaving Zakuul to its problems.
After she put the ship into Hyperspace she made sure Dzûsa got some tea and a blanket, she sat down next to him. Lana shuffled awkwardly “so I don’t know how to ask this but uh what happened to you?” Dzûsa sipped his tea quietly
he cleared his throat “when I last saw you I got a lead saying a clue to Vitiates whereabouts was on Nathema and uh the clue was from my sister” Lana nodded ok that at least explained why his crew didn’t know where he was “Naturally I barrelled off into danger without a second thought and once I arrived I found the uh testing facility for Vaylin I think your familiar with her” Lana nodded “and Vaylin to put it simply completely outclassed me I quickly lost and Vaylin would have murdered me if Valkorion hadn’t stepped in” Lana nodded remembering her own encounters with Vaylin she wasn’t too surprised “instead Valkorion decided the ultimate revenge would be to make me power the very city he controlled, some kind of cruel irony” Valkorion, of course killing his enemies would never be enough “he constructed what you and Dûshto destroyed to torture my every moment and sap me of my force energy making sure I’d never be able to escape” Lana nodded she felt bad for acting like her last five years were bad by comparison they were great “and that power was turned into electricity somehow, about a few months in I got a new supervisor Dûshto I think Valkorion thought it was a cruel joke, apparently he had surrendered just to get a chance of finding me. Dûshto then made it his mission to make my life non stop pain. As I’m sure you guessed he kept me there even after the empire fell I think he would have done it forever just to satisfy his need for revenge” Lana could see the hurt in his face Dzûsa clearly still cared for Dûshto she had no idea why though.
Lana gasped “I couldn’t sense you because of the force draining right, I’m so sorry Dzûsa especially about your brotherI wish I could have done more” Dzûsa smiled back at her as he gulped down his tea
he wiped his chin “it’s ok it actually has helped me gain perspective I don’t want forgiveness anymore I’m happy just to live” Lana nodded not totally understanding but happy he wouldn’t go running off on an adventure “and I hope I can still fit into yours you seemed like you wanted that in the elevator I guess we can finally have that date” Lana chuckled of course he’d say that
Lana walked over to him giving him a long passionate kiss “of course you do Dzûsa you are exactly what I need right now it’s a date” Dzûsa smiled she really had missed that smile it seemed like she was wrong about the next few weeks they’d be the best in years…
#swtor#my swtor#oc#ocs#swtor ocs#swtor oc#Dzûsa#Jedi Knight#lana beniko#Jedi Consular#kavaraa#Dûshto#kyradia zandar#kyradia#Sith Inquisitor#Valkorion#Vaylin Tirall#Vaylin#senya tirall#Senya#Hylo Visz#Theron Shan#nadia grell#SWTOR Fic#swtor fanfiction#swtor fanfic#swtor fiction#oc fanfiction#OC Fiction#oc fanfic
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hello darkness my old friend.
well im not quite sure why this title nor what exactly am i going to write about, i just had the need to write. ever had that feeling? no? oh. ok.
its been a while since last post, many things had happened, fun, annoying,stressful, interesting and so on and some may expect sassy posts like first two and thats not going to happen with in this one, sorry not sorry. ive been feeling the need to write about anxiety, not entirely sure why, just a feeling in me telling me to do so so lets see where it goes.
apologies for spelling mistakes because in these last couple of sentences ive had so many red lines that makes me think can i even spell -_- (hello brain, you there?) confidence is a tricky things. you are not born with it, you have to build it up. god knows i had no confidence before and i still struggle with it sometimes, especially with my anxiety - sometimes it can affect it really bad. when anxiety, i want to talk about because i think these kind of things should be talked about.
my anxiety levels are still not alarming but they are at that level when it can definitely affect my daily life, especially on bad days. ive definitely learned how to cope with it, sometimes it cant be helped. i definitely suffer from GAD (general anxiety disorder https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad) with medium to high social anxiety - https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety/social-anxiety-disorder (which many people don’t believe heh) and ive discovered some unusual phobias that I have also count as anxiety issues (trypophobia, Emetophobia, fear of knives are some of mine examples) so it can vary from person to person.
(imagine having all those on almost daily basis, yaaay)
i know, lots of people will say ah everyone is tense and stressed, we all must have anxiety. no, just dont. its not the same. occasional stress is normal, anxiety is completely different. its not easy to be in constant worry phase, being triggered by small things (coffee can easily trigger mini panic attacks, been there done that), small inconveniences, theres so much to it.
another awful part of it is overthinking. that is what used to kill me and mess up relationships i had with people. one small thing can set you back so much. as ive mentioned, some people learn how to deal with it and some people seek for help, and both of those things are amazing. letting it affect you is not amazing.
talk to someone, youre not alone.
i always tell people to not be afraid to talk to me about their problems, because i do know how it is, i do understand. i had some people who dont understand as much as they think they do and when id open up to them they would say just stop worrying, its ok.
uuuhm like no. thats the whole point. my brain cant stop worrying. thanks for letting me on deepest secrets of the world, appreciated. high chances are that we do actually know that but its sometimes impossible to stop worrying. if i could do that so easily i wouldnt be suffering from anxiety, right?
do i have panic attack? yes i do. had more before, now it got down to 2-3 in 6 months, so thats around 6 a year. last year i had full blown panic attack, worst that i ever had, my whole body just shut down and i was crying for full on 45mins, not being able to breathe, talk or move. sounds fun, eh? and lets go back to social anxiety, as ive said people say that i dont seem like an introvert or that i have any struggles with that.
i do tho. i just dont let it be stronger than me. my head and my body in social situations can be in full panic mode but ill be there sitting with smile on my face. there were social gatherings or parties where i would end up sitting on my own, trying to fight tears and the emotions in me would be bubbling and getting worse and my common sense would be trying to fight them, thats why i end up sitting in corner like a weirdo. meting new people? socializing? that doesnt sound fun for me at all, i usually just avoid situations like that. i will talk most of the time and joke and its just because my common sense is trying to fight anxiety while at the same time my anxiety is trying to take over. i wish i can explain what is going on in my head.
if you invite me to go somewhere with you, dont leave me. please. thank you.
it has also affected my job, if i get a task im not sure what to do, or im told to just amend something, i just wish to get up and leave until my head gets clear. ive noticed small things i tend to do when i feel that anxiety is getting higher than i want it to be, eg ill start picking at my nails, ill bite my lip till it hurts, just shut down and stare blankly, taking deep breaths, shaking my hands to stop them from shaking (weirdly i think itll shake off my stress), do weird stuff with my hands, or all combined. rare people noticed all the things and actually knew when i was starting to get my anxiety attacks and they were really helpful.
how to help someone if you see them starting to have anxiety attack?
people deal with anxiety different ways, dont just assume one thing will help everyone. - for example hug wont make me calm, im not a fan of human touch in general and hugging me when im having an attack will only make me more stressed and more triggered and itll make everything worse. - dont force the person to talk about it, rather just ask them if they want to talk about it, if they dont, please dont leave them, just sit there in silence that means a world. -if they do want to talk about it, never, and i repeat never say dont worry its nothing or just stop worrying and think happy thoughts.
- talk with them about it, or let them talk. ask what is the issue, why does it make them feel that way, just try to find solution slowly. - if a person starts crying, let them cry. crying is amazing way to release the tension and it will help the person to feel more at ease - if you do notice early signs of anxiety attack, change the environment, divert the person, make them think of something different
- dont make the person walk or do something they dont want to, it will cause things to go worse, personally ill probably just sit and curl up and cry my eyes out but for the love of god dont touch me or make me walk, my body is just not able and its causing more stress
- after the attack calms down, let person go on with their life, dont talk about it straight after. let them fully calm down. some people (most cases me) will be ‘normal’ after the episode (after my big one i straight away started joking how disgustingly runny my nose was from crying) and some people will take a bit longer
We are all different in handling the situations. Anxiety like every other disorder is not easy and it has to be taken seriously. If you have it, if you know someone who has it, please talk to those people. Be supportive. Dont make them feel like there is something wrong with them. Small conversation and an ear to listen can go a long way.
be a friend and be a human.
#new post#new blog#anxiety#panic attack#mental heath support#mental health#support#be human#friends#talk to someone#talk to me#Followme
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So hopefully I should be seeing a therapist soon but there are a few things im dreading. Like I know you're supposed to find the person who's right for you and all that but I dont have time. I'm extremely desperate and losing hope and I just dont want to go through switching ppl a million times. Also I want to get evaluated for anxiety and maybe depression idk and I wanna do it fast but ppl tell me that the therapist will know and tell me if they think I need it. I dont want that. -🐺 [1/?]
I just want everything to be done fast so I can start trying to fix everything. Also how many times is too often to see someone per month? My friend goes once a week which is great. If be down to do that, but im scared my mom wont want me to. She doesnt know they extremes of whats going on with me so she wont see it as necessary. She doesnt know im suicidal and that I hate myself so she wont feel the need for me to go every week. I just don’t know what to do. -🐺 [2/3]
Also I have to wait for her to actually book the appointment which could take a while. She also is skeptical about therapy. I get very ticked off all the time because of a lot of different things and she snapped at me once saying how “therapy wont fix that. You have to” I hate confiding in her for that reason. Shes judgy and cynical and downplays everything I feel by saying “well when I was in school” and blah blah blah. I’m in a terrible place and I dont need all that. -🐺 [3/3]
Hi 🐺 Anon,
If you are desperate and afraid you might hurt yourself before you can talk to someone in person, please check out the emergency services at this link.
When you sit down for your first session, or possibly even before, you can make it clear that you would like to be evaluated for anxiety and depression as soon as possible. If they don’t want to help arrange that service, or can’t for some reason, ask them to make a note in your files that it was denied, and why. This is a strategy for working with doctors, but could also work with therapists, that makes them really consider if they want to be the reason you didn’t get what you asked for.
It sounds like you’re worried about having to switch therapists multiple times? Please write back and correct me if I’m wrong. Since the appointment hasn’t been made yet, try to make sure to get booked with a Licensed therapist, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. Lots of counseling places offer sessions with therapists who are still training, and while that can be helpful, they are limited in what they can do. A licensed therapist will have completed their schooling and be better able to help with any problems you’re having. If you end up needing medicine for anything, you’ll likely need a psychologist or psychiatrist.
I wouldn’t worry too much about potential switching because you haven’t met your first therapist yet. Even 1 or 2 sessions with someone can be really useful, and you usually don’t need to switch unless you and the therapist have significant disagreements about how to proceed. Once you meet them, you can work out a schedule together that works for everyone.
It is common for therapists and psychiatrists offices to be in contact with each other, and form a loose team to help patients that need both services. Therapists focus more on communication and coping strategies, while psychiatrists have extensively researched mental illnesses and can prescribe medicine.
It makes a lot of sense that you want to address this quickly, because it’s causing you a lot of stress. While it will be really difficult, I encourage you to tell your mom more about what’s going on, since she’s the one who will be making the appointment. She’ll have a hard time guessing what you need if you haven’t talked to her about it in detail.
One thing you can start doing right away is to clearly let her know that her statements aren’t helping. Question her statements or outright refute them.
“therapy won’t fix that”? Has she been? How does she know?
“you have to”? Well, maybe you can and maybe you can’t, but one thing we know for sure is that arguing about it isn’t going to spontaneously give you the ability to deal with things.
“well, when I was in school”? That’s not helpful here. You are not your mom. Your school isn’t her school, and the problems you’re dealing with are not the problems she dealt with at your age. She might think she’s helping byy sharing examples from her life, but she needs to come to terms with the fact that you are separate people living two different lives.
It’s clear she’s relying heavily on her own experiences to try to get you to solve things the same way she did. It’s understandable, but she’s not adapting to your reality. She needs to see the severity of the situation before she’ll take it seriously. Maybe she’s still hoping you’ll be fine if she just gives you enough examples of dealing with things her way. Maybe she thinks that if you’re struggling, it’s her fault, and she’s just trying to prove it’s not her fault, but she doesn’t realize that mental illness can hit anyone, anywhere. It’s possible that if you can frame it as something separate from her, she’ll be able to accept that it’s real and be more motivated to get you the help you need.
Try to get more adults on your side. For instance, if your teachers or other relatives can vouch for the usefulness of therapy, or that it could benefit you personally, she might be more inclined to make the call. Maybe they can even set up an appointment for you.
Don’t let up. If she’s the only one who can make the appointment, you’ve got to convince her. You might have to risk more frustration with her not believing you about it, but convincing her is your #1 priority. It’s The Thing standing between you and therapy. I guarantee your mom wants you to live, and so do I. If she really knew how terrible you felt, she would do everything in her power to help. Good luck.
-Miss Fay
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How can i get Health insurance?
How can i get Health insurance?
Hey looking for advise on how i should go about getting health insurance. I m 18 turning 19 in March my father is passed away and i live with my mother we recently moved to Arizona I m from Massachusetts i knew about mass health but never had to deal with anything due to always being insured by my mother and fathers works. Looking for what i should do Also i do not have a job as of right now I m looking for health insurance so that if i get hurt while doing things such as snowboarding an break a bone or something i don t have to pay a 12,000 bill when i have no money Thank you for any help
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WWE Fastlane 2019 - Preview & Predictions
Daniel Bryan (c) vs Kevin Owens: WWE Championship Match
What a difference a month makes in the WWE, from not really knowing what they were doing this month to seemingly giving Mustafa Ali the title shot, to him getting injured and replaced in the Elimination Chamber with Kofi Kingston, to Kofi doing so well and getting such great reactions that they decide to swap their potential plans for Ali with Kofi, but, then again changing their minds as the reaction to Kofi was so special that Wrestlemania plans were altered with him making that massive step-up and not fighting for the title at Fastlane, we then had him swapped out on tv for a freshly returned Kevin Owens as a face to go for the title against Bryan…….and breath…..
I really like that Owens is back fit and ready on tv and don’t mind this ‘everyman’ gimmick he has as its something new for him and why not try it? Him getting this bout on return is interesting, and not so much in a good way really. On the plus side he returns around the title and hopefully that’s a sign he will remain around it for awhile, but, him returning and losing straight away to Bryan then not being in the title match at Mania could make him look a non-threat. But then again that’s more of problem with them adding this PPV for extra revenue and then realising they need to add big matches but can’t touch the planned Mania bouts, so you end up having matches that are fairly predictable and have the problem of not destroying the losers.
This should therefore be a straightforward title defence for Bryan, they will have a great competitive bout with other matches on this card being prone for dodgy finishes, but this won’t be one of them. Bryan wins, Owens looks good in defeat and sets him up with a claim for a title shot after Mania so probably Rowan being somehow included in the finish – BRYAN
Charlotte vs Becky Lynch: If Lynch Wins She’s Added To The Raw Women’s Title Match At Wrestlemania
*Screwy finish alert*
If you can’t see how this is ending you need help, OR, they change it for the sake of it but they wont do that will they? – LYNCH
The Shield vs Baron Corbin, Drew McIntyre & Bobby Lashley
If this is the last Shield match then the finish here shouldn’t be in any doubt, but then again they want Dean to lose to most people on his way out unless Roman has actually made him change his mind like has been rumoured.
On the heel side IF they do get the win then it needs to be Drew getting it, for me his big push starts straight after Wrestlemania into the title scene with Seth – SHIELD
The Usos (c) vs The Miz & Shane McMahon: Smackdown Live Tag Team Championship Match
Miz and Shane as a team just bore me senseless, feels so forced having them be friends and trying to include Miz’s Dad is just as bad. The only question is does Shane turn heel here and destroy Miz’s Dad and Miz or wait till Smackdown?
The Uso’s need to be in there with better teams for me, these guys are being slightly wasted and with their deals coming up soon you’d think they’d be doing as much as they can to please them with better opponents. Really whoever wins here is going to end up in a multi team match at Mania that probably ends up on the pre-show, so it really doesn’t matter, especially as if Shane turns on Miz and loses the match they have more of a chance of making the Mania main card than the actual winners of this bout – USOS
Boss & Hug Connection (c) vs Nia Jax & Tamina: Women’s Tag Title Championship Match
Alittle gutted that Mandy and Sonya aren’t getting the first title shot with them lasting till the end of the Elimination Chamber match, oh well. Another very straight forward result here, made even clearer with the heels winning single bouts on recent Raw’s…………..yeah Tamina won something.
Faces retain the belts, probably cry again in victory – BANKS/BAYLEY
Asuka (c) vs Mandy Rose: Smackdown Women’s Title Match
Ive been really impressed since Survivor Series with Mandy and her development in-ring, they must be willing her to improve soooo much as she is super marketable for them, same as Sonya really.
Another easy to predict match with Asuka finally on a winning run with a purpose which is vital for her and her character, they need to have her wrestle slightly less but just run through most of the other women pretty easy and the crowd will eat it up no problem like she did on NXT – ASUKA
The Revival (c) vs Aleister Black & Ricochet vs Chad Gable & Bobby Roode: Raw Triple Threat Tag Team Championship Match
Strange way to put this together really, they delete the automatic rematch clause but instead of having Gable/Roode win some big matches to get another shot they instead have them be bitchy and just interfere in the match on Raw and they somehow automatically get in the title match tonight???
Truthfully that just means they’ve been added to take the defeat so The Revival can keep the belts and don’t have to beat Ricochet and Black who are getting the big tv push – REVIVAL
Rey Mysterio vs Andrade: Kick-Off Match
Why is this being wasted on a pre-show? Either give them 15-20 minutes of the main show or don’t have the match at all, these two are great together and this feels so unnecessary. Ill go for Rey to take the win but it really doesn’t matter as them having a great match is all that we need – MYSTERIO
The New Day vs Shinsuke Nakamura & Rusev: Kick-Off Match
Another match just thrown together for the kick-off show, full of fun guys that hopefully get some decent time for it and can put some clever spots together – NEW DAY
Hopefully this show has some great matches on the show as a lot of the matches are pretty obvious as to who the winners will be, otherwise the fans could lose interest quickly.
I also expect a Kofi Kingston appearance at some point, maybe give him some promo time before the main event or have him walk out after it finishes to face down Daniel Bryan.
Hope everyone enjoys the show
Bye for now
Andy
#WWE#raw#smackdown#fastlane#Daniel Bryan#Kevin Owens#becky lynch#charlotte#Ronda Rousey#the shield#roman reigns#seth rollins#dean ambrose#drew mcintyre#Bobby Lashley#Baron Corbin#The Usos#shane mcmahon#the miz#sasha banks#bayley#nia jax#tamina snuka#Asuka#mandy rose#Sonya Deville#the revival#ricochet#aleister black#bobby roode
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is that nina dobrev? no, it’s katherine pierce, a 17/500+ in # year old doppleganger/vampire who is a waitress. they’ve come to town to watch the salvatore brother’s from the shadows and they do not remember their other life. (lisa, she/her, est) - tbh idk any specfic trigers?just as long as they are all properly tag?idk?
what is she doing in mystic falls?
katherine came to mystic falls to check on the salvatore brother’s. ever since they were turned, she has always managed to stay in the shadows, watching them live out their vampire lives, even though she has allowed them to believe that she was still locked in the tombs with the rest of the tomb vampires.
have they already experienced any problems with their memory?
she has been having dreams of her being human, of her dying. but she hasn’t figured it out that they are real memories. she has caked it up to being just dreams for desires to go back to the innocent girl that she had been before being turned.
what has she remembered?
she remembers why she turned and how she turned. she remembers that her family was murdered by klaus and she remembers her time at the salvatore boarding house, but everything else has vanished--- blackness. like her memory has just vanished from her.
what is their job?
she currently does not have a job as she does not what the salvatore brother’s to figure out that she is in town --- just yet. though she is waitress outside of mystic falls city limits.
do they know about the supernatural? if so, how did they find out?
yes, she does. sadly, due to her past & now being a vampire, she had to find out about the supernatural all too soon in life.
is there anything about the way you play them that should be known?
i have played katherine on & off for years --- she’s been one of my favorite characters since she was first introduced. so, i have always given katherine a more deeper portrayal. not just the cut throat girl that always put herself first. she does care for each brother -- both damon & stefan. but she never wanted damon to know that she actually cared for him. she doesn’t like people to know that she does feel everything. she views it as people that could use it against it --- like a weakness.
there’s a song that i always said describes how i viewed & always tried to play katherine by -- the song is “ the lonley by christina perri. there’s a fanvideo on youtube with the title called “ katerina petrova | can the lonley take the place of you “ & it’s the video that always tugs at my heart strings for katherine. so i try to play her a bit different than how the tv show has her out to be. she won’t just be cold hearted, though that is how she appears but deep down that is not true. she has never once turned off her humanity. she deals with her pain, heartbreak, anger --- she deals with every single bit of her humanity head on.
i believe she just puts herself above love to stay alive, cause canon!kat said in 2x01 that she never loved damon but than admitted to canon!elena in 2x22 that she did in fact LOVED both salvatore brother’s and that it was okay for canon!elena to love them both.
any plots that you’d like for them?
mostly just come to with any huge plots that you may want to do. i love plots but there aren’t many that i have, i always love to work out & toss back and forth ideas with others to come up with plots. so hopefully i’ll add to this once i get some plots going with everyone. but the only plot that i have in mind right now for kat-- it’s more so for canon!kat, so maybe it’ll come into play with she regains her memories ( if she does ) is that she truly did care for each pair of brothers that she has been with. aka damon and stefan, klaus and elijah. i believe that’s why she fears klaus so much because at one point she did deeply care for him when she was human until she found out why he was interested in her and when she deserved the monster that he had hidden from her when they first met.
do you have any headcanons for their new life?
no, not at the moment. yes i know that i suck, lol.
tell us about yourself
so, hi hi ! i’m phantom aka lisa. you can call me whatever you like. i’m going to be 24 this year, currently engaged. currently trying to finish up the original, only have two more seasons left which will probably be about 2 to 3 days, lol. i don’t really have a discord or line, well i do but i haven’t used them in like a month, i don’t even believe they are installed on my phone anymore Dx. so if you want like to reach me, you can always shoot an IM or i can restall on of the two messaging apps since AIM is no longer of use ( god i miss it ).
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She’s A Devil Between The Sheets (Harry Styles Smut One Shot)
This wasn’t requested but I had inspiration to write this one because of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show! Sorry I got a little carried away, sorry if its abit long, but enjoyed every second of writing it, and I hope you enjoy reading it! If you have any requests let me know and ill get back to you asap. Enjoy! -K
Warnings: Extra smut
Word Count: 10K
Pairing: Y/N and Harry
Y/N’S POV “Babe your phone is ringing” I heard Harry shout from the living room downstairs as I was putting my skirt over my legs, getting ready for the stressful day ahead. Well not really a physical stressful day, just emotional. Last week I had flew over to New York to meet with the owner and producers of Victoria Secret to talk about me walking this year. I worked so hard to get to this point, and to even be asked to come down and have a meeting with them was a big thing let alone actually getting picked. But I know for a fact I wont get picked, I’m not like the rest of the models. They are all like six feet tall, skinny. Its just not me.
I quickly ran down the stairs to grab my phone, which Harry had at hand at the bottom of the stairs. “Hello?” I jumped onto the couch tummy first, leaning on my elbows listening to my manager greeting me back. “Hey so I have some good news, the producers of the Victoria fashion show wants you back into the casting room in New York” “What again? I’m literally just back” “Well they want you back, you must of done something right Y/N” A slight giggle came from her mouth as I sat there not knowing what to reply back. “I’ve cancelled your stuff for the week and ill pick you up in a few hours to head to the airport, okay?” “Yeah sure ill see you soon” I hung up the phone and threw it behind me on the sofa. “Who was that?” “It was my manager, Ed Razek and Monica Mitro from Victoria Secret want me to come back to their casting studio like as soon as, Claire is coming to lift me in a few hours to go there and see what they want to say” Harry’s face lit up in pure excitement. “Y/N that is really good news, your going to be a angel” He quickly ran over to the sofa beside me, lifted my arms up to make me stand and grabbed my waist, pulling me off of the sofa. “Harry I haven’t got it, its just to talk or something” I giggled as he continued to dance me around the living room. “Y/N, c’mon, they would be pure idiots if they didn’t cast you. Plus, if you walk you’ll be with me, and you know how I love you wearing sexy underwear”
He grabbed my waist pulling me into him while he attacked my neck, giving me goose bumps all over. Harry is performing in this years show in Shanghai and he’s been excited ever since I had met them the first time to talk about walking. Harry was going to turn it down because he found women walking around in their underwear in front of the whole world very objectifying. The only reason why he accepted was because its really good publicity for his music, so it was a no brainer. But when I told him that I was being considered he was ecstatic, he couldn’t of been more excited to have someone there with him, and that he wanted to see practically naked.
“Harry your going to be singing, not judging. You should be concentrating on your singing. Besides you’ll be eyeing up all of the ladies anyway, I wouldn’t judge you” “Y/N your insane, yeah I will be looking at them because they are there, but ill not be looking at them the way I look at you when your dressed like that, fuck” His breathing got deeper with the thought of me dressing like that. His hands went straight to my bum like a magnet and clutched it, giving it a quick smack making me moan into him. “H don’t start something you cant finish, I have to start packing” I pushed his chest away from me and looked up at his grin growing on his lips. “I’m defiantly going to finish what I started” He grabbed at my waist yet again and lifted me over his shoulder making me yelp in surprise. “Harry put me down” I screamed with pure laughter rising within my chest as he walked up the stairs. “I’m just going to help you pack, after I’m finished with you”
Once I got off of the plane of course it was a media frenzy, trying to get the best picture of me, but I wasn’t having it. I wrapped my scarf around my face as I walked/ran down to get into my car to head to meet the producers. I’ve never felt so nervous in my entire life, this is such a big deal for me. I just hope that I done as much as I could do.
“Y/N, so nice to see you again” Monica Mitro, the main producer of the show, came over to greet me when I walked into the studios. As I made my way to her I was looking round at all of the drawings and planograms for the show. Looking the other way I seen the outfits on the manikins all ready for the show. “Thank you so much for coming back, I know you just landed back in London when you got our call” “No not at all, its fine” She wrapped her arms around me in a warm embrace as I tried to hold back my nervous shaking in my body. “So the reason why we brought you back is because we want to see you walk for us again. All of the models are so outstanding this year and we are having such a hard time deciding who to choose, so we wanted to make sure that we were picking the right people. I hope we haven’t put you through a lot of bother bringing you back?” “No no, honestly I would give up anything to be here so don’t worry” We both giggled as we walked to the dressing room. “So at this point it doesn’t really matter about what underwear your wearing, so you can wear your own that you have on or we have simple thong and bra’s here if you want to have a little nosey through them. We will be waiting in the casting room. Don’t panic about us and just enjoy it. Pretend your walking that stage and you strut your stuff” Her grin was contagious looking back at me. “No problem, thank you Monica”
I took off my clothes and looked at my underwear that I had on, baby blue with silver diamonds on the underside of the bra. Its perfectly fitting for this audition, if that’s what you would even call it. I quickly flipped my hair across my shoulders making sure it looked sexy, even though it was just pure jetlag hair. One of the stylists on the set gave me a pair of stiletto heels to match my undies. Lets hope I don’t fall with them on, that would be the biggest nightmare of my life. I pulled the curtain back and walked straight into the casting room, which had around 30 people with cameras and clipboards, with Monica and Ed sitting beside a desk. As I walked in everyone’s eyes were on me until I stood right in front of the two producers. Oh god. Panic and nerves set heavy in my chest as I couldn’t take my eyes off of every single person in this room. “Okay Y/N whenever your ready” Ed stated while he leaned onto the deck with his elbows resting on the marble surface. I gave them a quick smile and turned around to make my way to the back of the room. My mind was racing 100 miles an hour, thinking of all the things that could go wrong within these crucial minutes. I suddenly thought of Harry, and remembering when I was practising the first time at home. Just think that your walking for Harry, c’mon Y/N you can do this. The small prep talk gave me a sudden release of confidence and I turned around facing the VS team. I started walking down, swinging my hips with my hands on them. When I made my way to the end of the walk, I gave my most cheesy grin and posed the way Harry thought was the sexiest way, pulling my waist to the side I gave them a smile, wink and blew them a kiss and strutted my way back to the back of the room with pure sass and attitude in it. I know I went over the top, but that’s the only way they will even consider me.
A round of applause came from the bottom of the room as I made my way down to the desk and audience in front. My face turned a pink shade with a mixture of embarrassment and excitement emotions running through me. “Y/N that was brilliant” Monica gushed as the claps in the room started to die down. “What are you doing on the 20th of November?” My smile gushed to my face knowing what he meant. “Nothing I guess” I giggled looking at them in complete shock. “How would you like to walk for us?” “No way, are you serious?” My body just crouched down to the ground with my hands wrapped around my face, again in complete shock. “Oh my gosh yes of course I will, thank you so much” I got up and made my way over to them and gave them a hug. I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. “Your different than the rest of the models Y/N. You stand out, and that’s what we look for in this fashion show, originality. Walk just like that and the cameras wont take their lenses off of you, good job” “You have a month to rehearse and get ready, which you don’t need anyway, your a natural” “Thank you so much I cant explain what this means to me” I couldn’t let go of both of them, tears coming down my face, I’m on cloud 9 right now. “Now you can go tell Harry, I’m sure he will be ecstatic that your walking with him” “I cant wait to tell him, thank you so much” I ran out of the casting room and jumped right on Claire, my manager. “I’m walking Claire I’m walking” I shouted as her face lit up. “Didn’t I tell you that you could do it” “Yes oh my god I need to ring Harry and tell him the good news”
I quickly ran into the changing rooms where my phone was hidden in my coat pocket and quickly dialled his number with my hands shaking with pure excitement. “Hey beautiful, how did it go?” “Hey Harry, I’m walking, I’m fucking walking I cant believe it” “Your lying” “No I’m dead serious, this is actually happening H” “Y/N I’m so proud of you baby girl, you done it. Now we can go together, this is going to be so fun. I have to go sweetie, I’m in the middle of rehearsals for x factor tonight. When are you coming home?” “I’m coming home tonight, so ill see you in like 8 hours” “Okay baby ill see you soon, love you” “Okay, have a good show, love you too” I hung up the phone and ran to get changed. This is going to be the longest month of my life
**1 month later**
“C’mon Y/N were going to be late for our flight” I was rushing round and making sure that I was packing everything that I needed before I left. I didn’t wanna forget anything, this is the biggest thing that is happening in my career and I want it to go smoothly without any problems. “I’m coming H” I had a final look around the bedroom making sure I had everything and walked out to meet him in the car that was lifting us to bring us to the airport.
Once we got to the airport there was nothing but paps, reporters and fans waiting for us at the entrance. Once it came out the line up for the models and performers, social media went crazy for us two being there at the same time. Fans, radio stations, even Ellen had mentioned it on her show, I didn’t even think it was a big deal that I was walking when my boyfriend was performing. But yet again who’s boyfriend is Harry Styles? “You okay?” Harry brought me out of my panicked state and I looked straight at him. “Yeah of course I am baby” I lifted my hand and placed it on one of his hands, squeezing it a little. I knew that Harry could read through me, he knew how I was feeling. “Look babe I know you don’t like the paps and a lot of media but this event is what its about. No matter where we go in the next few days that’s all that’s going to be in our faces. I love you and I wont let anyone hurt you or do anything, but you just have to go out there and not let them bother you and walk as if their not there. At the end of the day we have bodyguards there to help us get through. If anyone says anything to you just brush it off and don’t reply back to them. Just make sure you get through to security without any problems. But don’t worry ill be right behind you, okay love?” His eyes never leaving mine, he takes my hand in his two. “Yeah okay, just don’t let go of my hand, please” “Of course I wont Y/N/N” All of a sudden our door swung open and we both walked out of the car. As soon as we walked not even 10 feet, we were bombarded with fans and paps, literally right in out faces. But I did what H said and just put my head down and rushed through the crowd of people who were screaming our names. No matter how many times I go out with Harry in public, I’m still not used to this whole thing. But I will have to be if I wanna be with him forever, because that’s the way its going to be I guess.
Once we got onto the plane and sat down, I took a massive sigh as relief rushed through me. Harry came and sat beside me and I placed my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling me in closer to him as I quickly went into a deep sleep. This is probably going to be the only calm moment were going to have for the next few days, so I’m making the most of it. The smell of him making me feel so much comfort, no matter where I go I always feel at home with him. And I hope he feels the same way.
The plane had landed a lot quicker than I had wanted it to be, even though the flight was 11 and a half hours long. “Babe c’mon we have to go” “But Harry I don’t wanna get out just yet, I wanna sleep” “I know babe, the time difference is crazy, but we have no time to sleep, were already late, lets go” Harry’s voice more stern and his grasp on my arms tighter as he dragged me out of the chair and brought me to the door of the plane. I was so shocked to see that there was no paps or fans waiting out in the airport for us, thank god I thought. “So the plan is you are going straight to the stadium to try on your outfits and go through the line ups, and then your going to a Victoria Secret dinner with all the models and directors of the show. Then your going straight to bed quite early, you’ll need as much sleep as you can get cuz you have to get up at half 5 to do your promo and a lot of rehearsals” Claire was listing off the schedule on her paperwork as me and Harry was grabbing our luggage from the conveyer belt in the airport. “Wow, okay, so I guess ill not see you until tonight when I come to the hotel room” I looked at harry giving him the cutest puppy eyes I know that he loves. “I know babe but it’ll be worth it seeing everything and knowing what you need to do, you’ll love the experience for sure” He grinned as we were putting our luggage into the back of the car, harry helping with mine of course. “Y/N your coming with me” Claire raised her voice when I turned around to face her, seeing her getting into a different car. “Wait, can I say bye to Harry?” “C’mon be quick” She yelled as she was getting into the car waiting for me. “Babe you go ahead before she drags you into the car” Harry smirked looking at the car then back at me. “I love you, ill text you later when I get a chance yeah?” “Course babe” He answered as he pulled me in for a quick but deep kiss. I ran towards the car and got in. I never took my eyes off Harry as the car drove off to the stadium, I miss him already.
Once I entered the stadium there was nothing but people and lights and even more people. It was all like a dream, I thought to myself that this is going to be the best week of my entire life. I cant wait to get started. One of the stylist came over to me and shook my hand. His name was Olivier, he is the owner of Balmain which is based in France, and has designed the pieces for the clothing line. “Hello Y/N very nice to meet you, i’ve heard and seen a lot of you recently, I cant wait to see you walk in my clothing” “Its lovely to meet you too Olivier, I know all about you, I follow you and your fashion everywhere, I’m such a huge fan” “Thank you very much I’m so glad you like my work, its good to see the models enjoying my clothes and want to wear them, that’s what makes this job worth while you know” We both laughed and he brought to a different room that had all of the clothing ready to be tried on. We walked to a specific piece of clothing on the stand, which was absolutely breath taking. It had a very rock n roll meeting sexy innocent girl vibe. It had a black silk bra with silver studs around the pads and the Victoria secret logo underneath, with the same material on the hot pants. He had matched it with a spiked silver necklace, thigh high laced boots, and to top it off, a metal designed leather jacket with the Victoria Secret logo placed on the back of it. It was absolutely amazing looking at all the pieces put together. “When I was looking at all of the models polaroid’s on the table a couple of weeks ago, I was trying to pair this look with some of the models, but I couldn’t find the perfect person that would suit this. But when I seen you I thought that you were the perfect person to wear this piece, so I want you to wear this” “But Olivier, this is a big piece in your clothing line, you normally give this to Cara Delevigne or Bella Hadid to wear because the always lead the show?” “Well I feel like your going to be the eye of the show this year, and I want you to wear it” He took my hand and grasped it into his. “No way, oh my goodness this is amazing, I would be honoured, thank you so much” I said as I looked towards the eye catching bit of clothing. “So lets try it on”
Harry’s POV I sat here in the hotel room, for once not doing anything at all, which made me feel out of place, like I felt like I had to do something. I got up and rang one of my friends that joined us on this trip to see If he wanted to meet up for a walk around Shanghai, to take in the city. I never really get around the cities that I’m in when I’m working in them so this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
We walked around the nature part of Shanghai when we heard a lot of screaming coming from behind us, when I realised that no one had actually found out that I was already here because we were playing it on the down low. Me and Ben ended up staying here for a good hour going through each girl, taking pictures, signing books and my album. It was nice that I could take my time with each person and talk to them. I soon realise that it was time for some dinner before I went to lift Y/N from the models dinner. Me and Ben got some food sent to the hotel room. I couldn’t really be bothered going out for something to eat, I was just too exhausted. “So Harry, you excited for tomorrow?” Ben asked as she was stuffing his face with vegetable noodles. “You know what? I’m actually nervous. I don’t really know what to expect. I mean I know its girls walking around me in their underwear, and for most guys that’s their dream come true. But for me I just cant wait to get it over with, I never wanted to do it from the beginning” “Really, man as you said anyone would kill for to do that” “The only thing that’s getting me by is knowing that Y/N is walking around me, she always makes me feel so comfortable and she just makes me feel at home no matter where we are” I smiled looking down at my food, which I had no appetite for just thinking about Y/N and how lucky I am to have her. “Speaking of Y/N, how is things between you two?” “It honestly couldn’t be better, I sometimes look at her, if its when were out for dinner, out with friends, or even if its just her lying in our bed with no makeup on and she’s reading a book, and just think to myself how did I get so lucky to have her” I couldn’t whack the smile off of my face if I tried to. “Man you’ve got it bad, its good to see you happy though” “Yeah she’s defiantly the one for me. You know when you know I guess”
Me and Ben were just sitting talking about random shit when I realised it was time for me to get Y/N to bring her back to the hotel for a good nights rest. If anything I just cant wait to get into bed and cuddle her to sleep. When I got into the car I sped off to the entrance of the stadium and waited for her to come out. It didn’t take long until her face was in sight, looking out for me. I dooted the horn to make her look my way. She smiled and ran her way over to the car and got in beside me. “Hey baby how was it?” “It was the best day of my life so far I cant believe it” “I thought the best day of your life was meeting me?” I quickly frowned at her, with a chuckle rising from her chest. “No babe in my career, silly boy” She pushed her fingers through my hair and brought it down to my thigh giving it a squeeze. She better not start this, she knows the way I get when she touches me there. “We had done the dress rehearsal and after they were so impressed with me that they asked me to open and close the show” Her smile was so contagious when she was staring at me, just pure happiness radiating off of her. “Baby that is amazing I’m so proud of you baby girl” I pulled her towards me and gave her the biggest hug I could and gave her a quick peck, I never like giving too much pda in front of people because I always like to keep certain things between us. I know were not having sex or anything around other people, but there is always certain things you like to keep to yourself you know. “Thank you sweetie” She smiled up at me, I couldn’t take my eyes off of my girl. “Oh my god it just hit me, guess who’s opening and closing the show also?” “No way, are you kidding?” “No I’m performing kiwi and only angel at the start and at the end, not sure what order though but that’s all I know so far” “Harry that is amazing, I cant wait to see your face when I walk, I think it’ll be the only thing that will calm down my nerves” She said with a sigh of relief to it. “I think It will be the only thing that will calm my nerves knowing that your going to come out on stage with me too” I sunk my head into the side of her face and I whispered “It will maybe make me feel abit more excited too while your there, I don’t know what your going to wear but I know for a fact it will be something that I cant wait to take off later” Her eyes lit up as she smacked my harm harshly. “Harry, your so horny recently what’s gotten into you?” “You”
We finally arrived at the hotel and we made our way up to the hotel room. Once Y/N got to the bed she flung herself onto it and made a groaning noise. “Thank god that day is over, it was such a long day. Everyone was everywhere and there was so many people looking me at the one time I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Don’t get me wrong I loved every second of it, but it was just so draining” I sat down beside her and placed my hands on her back, massaging her shoulder blades a little, receiving a little moan in return. “Love I know how you feel. Its the same when I’m on tour. One person wants me on stage to make sure that the lighting is right, then Lou wants me over to try on some looks, then my vocal coach is with me at all times checking my voice. It’s all just an adrenaline atmosphere, but you do get used to it after a while. I know this isn’t your true job, but this event will defiantly get you into modelling if that’s what you really wanna do” “Yeah it is, but signing is my natural calling I guess” “Well you can use both, sing for Balmain’s events” I chuckled at my own joke and Y/N turned around on her back, lifting her arms up to lean on her elbows looking at me in awe. “You can do anything you put your mind to, love. If you really want something, do it. Because I know that you can do it. No matter what you wanna do ill be routing for you, you know that right?” I sighed as I looked down at her sleepy eyes, rubbing her stomach in small circles. “Yeah of course H, I love you so much” She brought herself up to me and gave me such a passionate kiss. The kiss quickly deepened as she quickly jumped on my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist, her hands trailing up my chest and into my hair. A small groan came from within me as my hands went straight to her tight bum, my dick twitching in my jeans when she started to grind up and down on me. “Baby you need your rest, you’ve got a big day ahead” I quickly let go of her lips to look up at her. Her face just full of lust, her emotion right now was pure desperation and need. She wanted me and I never ever turn her down, but under these circumstances she needs her rest. Even though I’m trying my best to contain my hard on in my jeans underneath her grinding on me. “Baby please, I’m just so stressed and horny, please just really quick” Her body still pulling and pushing against me, this woman pure tortures me. I flipped her over so she was lying on the bed, and I was hovering over her. “The things you do to me woman, its a good job I love you” Her face went a state of confusion at my statement, oh shit that came out wrong. “Do you not want to have sex with me?” My face was emotionless as I looked at her reaction, which was pure hurt in her eyes, the lust slowly draining out. “No no babe that came out wrong, I meant to say that I would do anything to make you happy, even though I want it too and I know you need your rest” “Just shut up and kiss me” She giggled as she pushed my head down to meet her lips and she immediately sucked on my bottom lip, she knows that gets me going. Her hands diverted straight to my jeans, unbuckling the belt within seconds. Fuck she must really want me. Such a turn on. Her hands went underneath them and my under and started to rub at the base of my dick, which made me leak instantly. I couldn’t hold in my moans as they escaped into her mouth. “Fuck” I mumbled when I decided to take my lips away from hers and took my clothes off so I was naked in front of her with my dick hitting off of my lower abdomen. She decided to take off her tiny little dress, her bra and knickers being pooled to the floor beside the bed and she just lay there, waiting for me. Fuck this is so hot. “Well what are you waiting for? Are you guna fuck me or not?” Her giggles filled the hotel room when her hands started to roam around her body until they got lower and her fingers started to roam around her slick little pussy, rubbing her clit. The pleasure ran through out her entire body while she was rubbing herself, which again made my dick twitch. I couldn’t waste anymore time and I took my dick and rubbed it on her clit, teasing the shit out of her. “Don’t tease me please Harry” Her pleads ran over her lips as she looked at me in the way that she always does when she wants something, especially when she wants my dick ramming into her. I forced myself into her with ease because she was so wet. “Jesus Y/N your soaking for me, fuck” I mumbled into her ear when I leaned down to give myself more balance to ram into her harder. I reached down to grab her legs and pulled them over my lower back and pulled her pelvis as close as she could get to reach deeper into her. Now that she is on the pill I can finally feel her without a condom, and it is like euphoria. The way she feels around me makes me cum in seconds. “Aw so warm, soft, so tight for me baby” Her moans got louder and quicker by the second when her orgasm was getting closer and closer. “Harry, fuck, I’m cumming” I love when she cums really hard, she just clenches around me, pulls the cum straight out of me, so hot. Her hips started to shake uncontrollably which made me have to hold them down with my hands. A loud scream whelped out of her voice as she came around me. My high was coming just as she finished, ramming into her harder. “Fuck, I’m filling you baby, I’m filling you oh god” I moaned just as I was cumming, spurting my load straight into her. Both of out sighs filled the room when we finished. When I pulled out of her my cum started to ooze out of her tiny hole, which I then got up and walked to the bathroom to get toilet paper to wipe her clean. “Look at you looking after me, such a gentleman” “Well I cant have my cum making you all dirty” As I pulled the toilet paper around her she winced with the sensitivity of her clit. “Sorry, love” “Its alright, just come to cuddle with me will you?” “Course I will babe” I threw the tissue paper into the bin beside us and got in, pulling her body into mine and resting my head on her waist. “Thank you” She mummered as her eyes tiredly closed. “For what?” “Fucking me until my stress went away” She giggled beaming down at me. “That’s what I’m here for, to help you de-stress” She quickly fell asleep which I joined, its going to be a hell of a day tomorrow.
Y/N’S POV The hours of sleep felt like minutes when the alarm went off at half 6 in the morning. This is the day of the show and I am beyond excited. The feeling going through me was hard to explain, nerves, excitement, abit of everything I suppose. “Harry, get up” I poked at his back every second to get him out of his deep sleep. I felt so bad that he had to get up with me. He looked so comfortable and peaceful just lying there. I could have looked at him forever. “Okay I’m up, I’m up” His puffy eyes looked directly onto mine while I ran my fingers through my hair. “The car is coming in like half an hour so I’m guna go shower and all that stuff, then we should be ready to go” “Okay ill shower after, don’t be too long now, I know what your like” I sniggered whilst I got up to get ready.
Once we got into the stadium it was all fully ready for the show, the lights sitting perfectly, the names of the important guests stuck onto their seats, the décor looking 10 out of 10, I just cant wait to get up on stage. We were all gathered to the stage for a prep talk which Harry wasn’t apart off. At this point he was getting ready for to do his rehearsal sound check. “Okay ladies we only have a couple of hours to go until the big event. I hope everyone got a good rest last night.” The thought of last nights events running through my head was turning my mouth into a small grin, I wish we had more time last night, I was still so horny for him. But hopefully after today he will wanna go all night. “So the plan is were going to run through the performance one more time, then your going to do your hair and makeup, then your going to do some press interviews, Snapchat updates etc. Then the show will start. Y/N is opening and closing this year for the first time so Y/N the pressure is on you my lovely” All of the girls started to laugh and I joined in. Thanks for making me feel better about it Monica. “Harry is performing the opening song with kiwi, then Miguel is up, then Jane Zhang, then Leslie Odom, then Harry is closing the show. So there is plenty of time for you girls to walk then change, there is like 11 songs altogether so it shouldn’t be a problem. Then after the show you’ll be getting a lot of pictures for the class of 17. Then you’ll do more press, and then it’ll be the after party so you’ll need more glam and change your outfit of course. SO you guys have a lot ahead of you today, but just enjoy it and have fun. Good luck ladies” We all started to cheer and clap our hands while Monica walked off of backstage. All of us gushed to the dressing room to get everything set up and all glammed up.
A few hours later and I was all done with my glam. I hadn’t seen harry from this morning when I arrived, knowing the whole day is pure hectic, I would have liked to have seen him before the show started. But its still early days yet I guess. I put on my robe and walked towards Karlie Kloss which was standing there with Bella Hadid. “Hey Y/N girl how are you feeling?” Bella greeted me with a hug when she asked me. I also gave Karlie a quick hug and looked back at Bella. “I’m so excited its beyond words, but also terrified. Like if I fall or do anything it will be seen all around the world. A lot of people tune into see this. Its a lot of pressure” I awkwardly giggle to them. “Don’t think of it like that, just think that your going out there for a photoshoot or something and your having fun on set like you always do when you with us. You’ll be fine once you get up there” “Thanks girlies” Random photographers were coming up and taking pictures of us talking which is something I have never had done before. “This is a weird kind of photography” I laughed to the girls as I saw them taking photos of everyone and anyone apart of the show. “Yeah that’s what they do, they like to capture the moment without having to act fake in front of the camera, they like to take photos in the moment which I think is a good concept. It takes pictures of the energy and excitement of the whole day in the room” Bella explains as she is looking towards a lot of the photographers. “Yeah I guess that’s a really good idea, you would never even think about that” “Okay we have to on ahead to do abit of press interviews, wanna join?” Karlie asked as the started to put on their pink robes. “Sure”
Going through all of the media interviews and being asked the same questions all the time is very exhausting, all of which is about Harry, of course. “So Y/N are you excited to be with Harry when he performs for the first time on the big event?” “Of course, he isn’t used to an event that is as big as this one to be performing on it, its a good way to promote the album and I think that he will enjoy it” “And this is your very first fashion show how are you feeling?” “I’ve been so nervous this past week but now that its here I cant wait to get on the stage and start the show, it’ll be an amazing day. Especially wearing Olivier’s new clothing line is so exciting for him. He’s always wanted to work with Victoria Secret and now its here, its a very big moment for him today and I’m so proud of how far he has came” “Thank you Y/N have a good show” “Thank you, wish me luck, ill need it” I walked away back into the dressing room, sighing at the fact that the media interviews is done. I never liked that part of any event, especially at award shows. Its not something I’m very confident with. “Okay so we have half an hour until the show starts so everyone into your outfits. Y/N your starting off in your grey and blue outfit first so make sure that your ready in 15 minutes” The first outfit I was wearing was a grey lacy bra and underwear with a silk material running down my arms, attached to them with diamond bracelet like jewellery around it.
I stood looking out at the side of the stage off all the photographers sitting all around, with fans sitting in the background, and I couldn’t even see the ending of the stadium it was that big. Seeing all of this now finally hit me, I now feel like anxiety kicking in. I seen Harry making his way over to me, eyeing me up and down. “Y/N you look absolutely stunning baby girl, cant wait to see you out there” He gave me a quick kiss and walked back to the side of the stage where he was going to enter out of. “Good luck babe I love you” I shouted as she turned around and faced me giving me a cheeky grin. The music started filling the stadium and I knew it was my queue to go in like a few minutes. “Okay Y/N get ready, your heading out in 10 seconds” A lot of people was working with my hair and fixing my tiara on my head. The crew ran off to the side of the stage and the doors started to open. Oh no what have I done. The screams of fans grabbed my attention and Harry’s instrumental part of Kiwi playing as I started walking out. Thinking about the way I walked in my audition was the only thing I could think of in that moment in time. I quickly raised my hands up so the silky material was waving at my sides as I was walking to the end of the stage. I stopped and pushed my hip out to the side and started to smile. I blew a kiss to the camera and made my way back, walking with pure sass in my hips. My smile couldn’t wash off of my face when I seen Harry coming walking onto the stage and he stood watching me walking towards him. His baby blue Gucci suit uncoincidentally matched my first outfit, and my god he looked so good in it. As I walked past him I blew him a kiss and he sent a wink my way, touching my arm as he started to sing the first line of the song.
As the show went on I went out a few times with the first outfit on. I was defiantly feeling more comfortable every time I walked out onto the stage. I was dancing to the different songs as I walked out, getting into the beat of the songs, which is what a lot of the other models were doing too so I didn’t want to look like I wasn’t having fun.
It came to the end of the show and Harry had changed into a different suit. A black suit with a pink shirt on underneath. Yummy. I had changed into Olivier’s outfit which looked amazing on me I have to say. Once Harry started singing Only Angel I couldn’t wait to get back out and walk around him singing. When I seen him perform it was always him by himself, and I always wanted to get up beside him and dance with his songs. This time I can actually do it and I couldn’t wait. Half way through the song I came out, and I was the first thing that Harry laid his eyes on as I walked past him. I could feel eyes burning into my stomach, radiating through out my body. I again stood at the end of the stage laughing at the camera as I done my poses. I walked back and again blew Harry a kiss while his voice was running right threw my ears. It came to the end of the song and I came walking out again, by myself. I walked to the end of the stage yet again and started to sing the lyrics and I then turned around to show the Victoria Secret logo on the back of the jacket. I stuck my bum out and moved it to the beat of the song, then turned around to stand in the middle of the stage and waited for the rest of the angels to come out to join me on stage to close the show. At this point Harry’s song had finished, and he was waiting for the rest of the singers to come out and he made his way into the middle of us. Of course he moved himself so he was standing next to me, applauding all of us as we applauded them. He was trying so hard not to look down at me because the media would take a picture in that split second and sell it to the media so he tried not to throw something out that people would report. They are doing enough reporting as it is about us being out here let alone anything else, which is understandable. We started to walk back to the backstage area once it was all finished and the class of 17 pictures were taken, I’m just glad its over now.
Harrys POV Thank god the show is over, I actually had never felt so nervous doing a performance before, but this one was different. There was million upon millions of people watching this live so I kind of had to make sure that my voice was perfect. Another thing that was perfect was my girlfriend. She done the show so well, you would think she had been doing it for years. She looked sexy as hell. Through out my performance all I could think of was taking her back to the hotel and fucking her brains out. Once it got to the end of the show we all walked out and I went straight to Y/N. She looked so drained but still gorgeous. At least now I can take a look at her in her outfit, fuck she looked sexy. Her gaze was on one of the models, talking her life away as usual. “Y/N” I shouted to get her attention. Her gaze set on me and she quickly ran to me giving me the biggest hug and a kiss. “Harry you did so well I’m so proud of you” “I’m so proud of you, you looked really good out there” “Thank you H” Her lips retrieved back to mine for a quick peck. I pulled her head to my lips and whispered “Can you keep the underwear that you wore on stage, would love to see you do a walk for me tonight” “Maybe I will, just for you” her eyes grew a lust again, she is still horny from last night, I know she is. She’s always craving my cock even in public, I love it. “Right guys its press then the after party, so ladies lets get changed and lets go and get drunk” We all cheered at Ed as he walked off again. “Okay well I’m going to go and get changed and ill see you at the after party yeah? I shouldn’t be too long” “Wait are you not doing press?” “I done it before I went on so I don’t have to do it now” She smiled. Smart thinking my girl has. “Well you better make sure you take that baby blue undies home with you.” “Don’t worry I will”
A few hours passed and I was standing talking to Alessandra and her daughter when I seen Y/N make her way into the room, holy fuck. She was wearing a black cut out dress. It had a slit up the side and it had half of her body exposed with a bra top which faded into a full crop top on the other side of her body. She had her hair tied in a messy bun up so show the turtle neck finish on the dress. Could this girl get any sexier. She made her way to Bella to talk to her. “Sorry I’m going to be really rude but Y/N just walked in and I haven’t seen her for a while, do you mind if I go over?” “No not at all Harry, it was so nice to see you” “And you, have a good night” I replied and walked on to meet Y/N standing with my back to me. “Excuse me my lady but would you like a drink of your choice?” I tapped her on her shoulder and she turned around with Bella looking towards me. “ Harry you scared the living death out of me” She giggled as she looked straight back at me. That laugh. I could listen to that laugh every day. “I can see that you liked the blue suit better then H” I quickly changed my suit back to the baby blue one because I love the colour of it, plus it made me looked tanned and ripped so why not. “It looks good babe, like really good” Her hands made their way down my arms to my forearms and squeezing them lightly. “What do you say we get out of here early” “Sounds like a good plan baby girl” A hour or so later we left to our hotel to get some ‘rest’. We told the guests that we were too jetlagged and tired to stay any longer, what a good way out.
Y/N’S POV We walked into the kitchen part of the hotel and immediately decided to take my shoes off. Wearing heels all day isn’t as glamorous as it may seem. “Did you have a good day love?” Harry asked as he was standing near me, eyeing up my body. “Yes it was the best day, just glad all the madness is over now though” I pushed my hair back from the bun and pulled it through my fingers, loosening the curls slightly. “So...” he sighed, taking another step closer to me. He’s suddenly in front of me, brushing against me and looking down at me with lust in his eyes. “What are we going to do now?” “Mmm, I think I have a rough idea” I pulled hard on the nape of his neck and pulled him into a forceful kiss. He returns the kiss immediately, his hands finding my waist as my fingers tangle through his hair, just the way he likes it. He steps forward and pushes me against the island in the kitchen while he pries my mouth open, giving him full excess to the inside of my mouth, licking inside, making me breathe out a small whimper. I feel him pouring everything he had into this kiss. It feels like everything is happening is going in slow motion, the way his tongue is grazing yours, his hands tracing the bottom of the waistline of your open cut dress and running his hands over your exposed torso. I grab him tighter with my arms roaming around the top of his muscular back, feeling each muscle tense with my touch, I just want to feel and kiss every inch of his body. “So you know that underwear that you wanted me to keep?” His face dropped. “Well its on me right now” I suddenly felt his trousers restrict below me on my thigh when his face smirked at me. “Baby girl you know what you do to me, you can feel it cant you?” I smile at him and press my lips against this again. His hands roamed around to the zip of the dress on the top of your neck and quickly pulled it down, stripping me doing so. The cold air hit my skin giving me goose bumps. “Bed, take me to bed” I whimpered, and he obliged, grabbing my hands and making his way to the bedroom. You squeal when he drops me onto the bed and his cute little giggle lifts the atmosphere to the way we normally are. I quickly started to shed his clothes off, piece by piece, ever so slowly, teasing the crap out of him. His raspy moan escaped his lips as I flipped him over so that I was straddling his hips once again, like last night. I started licking and kissing his chest making sure I never missed a exposed inch of his body. Harry groans again, and I fight back a smile knowing that this is what I do to him.
His eyes rake down my body seeing me in my underwear from the show, eyeing me like a piece of meat that he can only have. “Harry just fuck me until it hurts” I made my way to the bottom of his naval, looking up at him through my eyelashes as I was pressing feathery kisses to it. Harry lets out another raspy groan again and snaking your hair into his hands, bringing your face up parallel to his. “I will baby girl” His green eyes have become a dark emerald, his hands never leaving your body as they made their down from your chest to your waist, then to your naval, then down to your thighs. “Ill do anything you want me to do baby, I’m all yours” “I want you so bad Harry, just fuck me” He pulled me into his chest and wrapped his large ring covered fingered hand around to undo my bra and he took them into his hands kneading them. He took one of them into his mouth as you started to rock onto him slowly. His hand reached down to your ass to help you move on him harder. “Fuck” His head fell back in pure pleasure that I was giving him. “I bet you touch yourself thinking about me ramming into you when I’m gone, don’t you?” “Fuck” You whisper while you grind on him harder and squeeze my eyes shut. I don’t know how he does it. He can make me cum just by his words let alone his touch. I brought up the courage to say something that I know would make him bust a nut right in his boxers, which also is the truth. “No, I think, fuck, I think about you ramming into me, spreading me open, making me scream” I look down at him and I see his reaction to me. His face is filled with concentration and lust. He’s looking at me like he’s imagining the different ways he could destroy me. “Fuck baby, your so good to me, knowing that you do that will make me fuck my own hand way better when I’m gone” Just the image of him doing that alone while looking at pictures of me that I sent him so that he’s reminded of what he’s missing at home just gets me off.
He pulls me to lay on the bed and crawls between my thighs, looking at the wet patch on my knickers then back up at me. “Please Harry, just touch me, or do something” I’m begging him with everything I have for him to touch me, and he groans hearing the desperation in his voice. He curses just by looking at how wet I am for him and he pulls his face away to look at me in a moaning mess. “Jesus baby your dripping wet for me, soaking your panties is all I think about” He makes his way back down to my wet centre and pushes my knickers to the side, and pushes his fingers down, rubbing my folds, gathering the wetness from me and swirling his tongue around them. “So sweet, my favourite thing to eat” He puts his fingers back to where they were, only grazing my clit with the tip of his baby finger. The moans loudly roll off of my tongue, meanwhile Harry looking up taking in the sight before him. “Baby please, just give me your cock, I want it so bad” He brought his body up to me and started to kiss me again, and I pulled my hands down to his boxers and pushed them down his muscular legs. He pushes his boxers off of his legs and he uses his hips to pin me down on the bed which made me scream in pleasure. His hips rubbing against my heat, the only thing separating me and him was my soaking wet thong. The heat coming from my hips is starting to become unbearable, the sudden ache feeling went through out my body. Harry is taking far too long to touch me. All I want in this moment is to feel his head poking at m entrance, and rock his hips into mine, but he is purely teasing at his point. “Harry just get in me already, please I’m begging” His face began to smirk and his hands grabbed your wet thong and dragged them down your legs and throwing them on the floor. He finally made is way back to me and pushed inside me, and when he finally did, it was so fucking amazing. I tried to make a sound but nothing would come out. The little grunts that he makes while he is thrusting into me is echoing in my ears. He is so deep that I can feel him hitting my stomach, he feels like he is stretching me, making me feel so full of him, he’s so big, I can take him.
His pants take up the whole room as his thrusts become faster. “So... tight” He pants as his eyes are squeezing shut, pained groans filled your ears as he continued. It starts off with his hips slowly reclining, so slow that its pure torture, then ramming into with force, hitting places that you didn’t know he could. My hands reach up to touch his swallow tattoos then up to caress his hair through my fingers as he continues to get into a pattern with his thrusts that can reach so far up inside me. “Your... so deep.. Harry, I’m oh my fucking god” I cry to him with the burning pit in my stomach forming. “Are you close baby? He presses his lips onto my neck, bringing his lips down as low as he could go while he was still ramming into me with great force. “Such a pretty cunt, taking me so well, so wet, dripping for me, fuck” My hips buck up when he suddenly hits the spot I’ve been waiting for. “I’ve got every inch inside of you, do you feel it baby girl?” I couldn’t coherent an answer, I just looked up at him, in his eyes, which was still a dominant dark green colour, looking straight at where we were connecting, looking at his cock sinking in and pulling out of me. “C’mon baby girl, give me a good one” He whispered as he looked directly at me again. His speed slowed down as he decided to go for a forceful slow pump, angling his body so his pelvic bone hits at my clit as he rides me in and out, sending me to my orgasm. In a few thrusts after I came his trusts go faster reaching his high at the end. He pulled out of me and wanked himself off onto my stomach, letting out a massive inhumane moan. He moved himself off of me and lay beside me out of breath. He grabbed tissues from the side of the bed and wiped my stomach clean. Thank god he remembered to put tissues there instead of going to the toilet to get more roll. “Wow” I was speechless when I looked at Harry, still coming down from my high. “I haven’t came like that for a while” I said to him as I laughed. “Neither have I, it must of been the underwear.”
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