#in this world it's just me and my friend who was a 1D fan and now a niall fan chillin

[swimmingleo]

lesbian to lesbian, it's quite shocking to see LITERAL solo harries liking Louis Tomlinson, like earlier I saw a lesbian in the wild, having Harry Styles as her goddess in heart saying if Louis was a dyke, they would fuck and get married and I'm ?????? shooketh to my core.

live the fantasy me too i sometimes have unexplainable crushes on people i dont really like (i love how that girl assumed louis would say yes fkekfkz the confidence)

[crinkle-eyed-boo]

In my early days as a 1D fan, I was a Liam girl until one backstage pic of Louis fonding at Harry as they clutched hands for a meet and greet caused me to permanently imprint on them.

I came into the fandom as a 30-something fan who had been raised by Backstreet Boys and NSYNC, where my two faves were Kevin and J.C.. Naturally, I thought Liam “Daddy Direction” Payne was my guy because that just seemed like the natural progression of my taste. He may not have ultimately been my guy, but I still loved him all the same. I loved his warm brown eyes, his general puppy dog aura, his willingness to put on every single stupid costume that got thrown on stage, his twirly dancing, his obvious love for the other boys, and his beautiful voice.

I’ll always remember having a fucking blast when he played a random solo show at the Beacon in NYC, like three days before Harry played MSG for the first time. It seemed so clear to me that Liam was a bit of a pop star in the wrong time, that he would have thrived if he come up in the heyday of Justin Timberlake’s solo career, rather than 2017/18. I always wanted to like his solo music much more than I ultimately did, though he has some absolute BANGERS that get overshadowed by the success and clearly defined identities of his bandmates. I always WANTED Liam to find his way and hoped that he would because he had so much potential that seemed to be falling by the wayside.

Just last night I was talking about how distressing his situation had become, how alarming I found all the revelations from Maya to be, and how much I did hope that he would get back into treatment to work on himself. I felt empathy for him, as I grew up with an addict and know firsthand how challenging those demons can be and how they never really go away.

It feels incredibly surreal that he’s gone. I keep thinking this is all fake news, you know? Our boy banders aren’t supposed to fucking die. Especially not like this. I hope Liam is finally at peace after this world gave him none.

My heart hurts for his family, his friends, his colleagues, and his fans. It hurts for the boys, now men, who, no matter what the current state of their relationships may have been, lost a brother today.

And oh, how my heart hurts for this fandom, which has been such a place of joy and friendship and creative discovery for me. I truly hope we can all take care of each other for a good while as we process this incredible loss. I’m holding all of you in my heart right now. One Band, One Dream, One Direction ❤️

[shitapril]

very often see posts about how the one direction fans grew up to be formula one fans, and the more I think of it, the more it makes sense. putting aside the fact that almost all my f1 friends were 1d fans (were ? are lol), it makes sense that a fandom who's fuel was hyperfixating on boys living out their dreams shifted from one form of it to another.

tha being said, it got me thinking - how do the girlies translate to f1 ? and by girlies i mean what your kpop fan would call a "bias". for example, if i was a niall girl - who's my favourite now ?

so here's a silly little non-sensical analysis and comparison that should not be taken seriously at all :

firstly, the zayn malik girlies are definitely lewis hamilton girlies. both zayn and lewis come from humble backgrounds, were subject to vile, inhumane racial discrimination and hate - all while being arguably the most talented in their respective fields (I mean, you've heard zayn's high note in you & I, and seen lewis' 7 world championships). they're hardworking, pet-loving, very fashionable men who stay out of unnecessary spotlight for the most part, and step out once in a while to remind the world they're drop-dead gorgeous. the zayn girls are safe with lewis.

next comes liam payne - and here on you'll have to hear me out with my comparison of every racer and bandmate. liam and george russell are both aggressively british, unapologetically goofy and true to themselves (and i'm talking about liam in 1d not the one on logan paul's podcast). they're both very talented, highly regarded in their boss' eyes (toto wolff and simon cowell - this post is going to be interesting wow) and still somehow not an immediate fan favourite. this comparison also goes wonderfully well with the whole ziam and britcedes parallels.

thirdly, louis tomlinson. easy peasy. max verstappen. both incredibly blunt, dry humour, pr nightmares, do not give two single hecks. people either love them, or hate them - no in between. both incredibly talented individuals (louis wrote majority of 1d's discography, max has 3 world championships under his belt) and yet are discredited ("louis is only famous cuz of his bandmates and the band itself" and "max just had a good car"). the zayn and louis fued also parallels abu dhabi 2021 quite well aye ? (i'm going insane)

harry styles, no debate. charles leclerc - regarded as the pretty boys (the prettiest, their fans would insist i'm sure) and the most popular, the well-liked. both extremely talented without a doubt, but a little bit overrated, and victimised to glorify and support fan narratives. i know i sound like a hater - forgive me, not my intention. i like them both as individuals - their fans on the other hand (and no, not all, i know) are so blind-sided, so insane and cause so much unpleasantness on the internet. almost ironic, how the most amicable ones have the least liked fans lol. that aside though, if you were a harry girl, chances are you went from one fan-favourite to the other. i also just realised - this supports the larry and lestappen narratives - am i genuinely, honestly onto something here ? (i absolutely am not)

lastly, niall horan. now this one i'm sure will divide you all, but here you go anyway. lando norris. both babied immensely by their fans and bandmates/teammates alike - churchboy persona. the moment they shed the insecurity, suddenly bam everyone hates them (niall's mofo t-shirts, lando's frat boy tendencies, and saying things that the internet will not find funny), promising at a young age, yet somehow grew up to be called overrated. their fans are stubbornly loyal to them, defending them through all their rights, and wrongs. it makes sense to me. one smiley boy to another.

this probably makes no sense - but feel free to add your own comparisons, theories, and notes ! there's 5 of them and 20 on the grid, obviosuly disparity for me to go on and on and on about (for example, I see a little zayn girls to carlos girls pipeline, louis to fernando - oldest boy syndrome and all that) so let me know ! let's yap :)

[harrysfolklore]

idk if you’re still taking requests but you should do actress!yn who’s been a long time fan of harry since 1d and a fellow solo harrie and they’re the stars of this movie (maybe a romcom 🤔) and then y/n is so nervous around harry and he teases her?? then they realize they have so much in common and it’s just fluff everywhere 🥲

this is honestly one of my favorite blurbs i’ve ever done and i hope you love it as much as i do! enjoy and thank youuu for the request

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

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yourinstagram The Bear has been out for a week and you can watch it on Hulu if you haven’t already ok we love u and goodbye!!

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ynfan1 SO SLAY

sza ❤️

ynfan2 ive been here since day one

harryfan1 HARRY LIKED THIS OMG

mtv We stan

harrystyles Amazing show and amazing work from everybody, love it x

↳ harryfan2 HARRY ???

↳harryfan3 his new show obsession now that succession is over

↳ ynfan2 YN IS A LONGTIME 1D FAN LOL I BET SHES CRYING

↳ yourinstagram omg this means a lot, thank you for watching and supporting !

TWITTER

//

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yourinstagram SEASON FINALE OF THE BEAR AIRS TODAY 🥲 thank you for all the love u all have my heart

view all 31,002 comments

ynfan1 SOBBING

zendaya Congratulations little angel 🤍

ynfan2 SHES THE PEOPLE’S PRINCESS

harryfan1 IS THAT?

↳ harryfan2 IM PRETTY SURE IT IS

mtv Crying over the flowers and note 👀

harrystyles Love, love, love

↳ harryfan3 HARRYYYYY

↳ ynfan3 if this ain’t love then what is

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harryupdates Harry and YN out in London today !

view all 209 comments

harryfan1 WEEEEEE

ynfan1 OH

harryfan2 COUPLE ALERT SO DAMN RIGJY

ynfan2 chill i bet they’re just friends

harryfan3 NO WAY

ynfan3 the pipeline from being a one direction fan to hanging out with (maybe dating??) harry i’m so here for it

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theharrytea guysss deuxmoi posted this !! i think it might be about harry omg. thoughts ?

view all 216 comments

harryfan1 OOOOHHH

harryfan2 harry in a romcom i could DIE

harryfan3 PERIOD DRAMA YES YES

harryfan4 omg makes sense i hope it’s true we need ROMCOMRRY

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yourinstagram scripts coming in and i’m like:

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ynfan1 YAYYYY

zendaya ❤️

harryfan1 harry liked thisssss

ynfan2 we need a movie now that the bear is over

dualipa LEGEND 🤍

harryfan2 harry what are you doing here

TWITTER

TEXT BETWEEN HARRY AND YN

//

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yourinstagram first day of filming check !! hiyaaaa costar ⭐️ @harrystyles

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ynfan1 AHHH

jefezoff 🥰

harryfan1 ITS GETTING REAL

ynfan2 imagine going from one direction dan to harry’s co star

harrystyles Hiiiiiiii x

↳ harryfan2 he was giggling and kicking his feet while typing this

↳ ynfan3 they’re in love

gemmachan Love you both ❤️

liked by yourinstagram, sza and 5,927,027 others

harrystyles Which Brings Me to You. Coming Soon.

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harryfan1 AHHHHH

annetwist ❤️

ynfan1 WHY DID HE CHOOSE THIS PIC

harryfan2 y’all it’s joever

alessando_michele 🍒🤍

harryfan3 those saying that they’re dating don’t know what a work relationship and friendship is

yourinstagram 🥹🥹🥹

ynfan2 i soooo ship this

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 16,927 others

harryupdates Harry and YN on set of Which Brings Me to You!

view all 1,102 comments

harryfan1 AHHH

ynfan1 i love them so bad

harryfan2 i can’t wait to see this movie GOD

ynfan2 MY FAIRYTALE COUPLE

harryfan3 FAVES

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yourinstagram today is the day !!! world premiere of which brings me to you 🥲🥲 love u all thanks for the support

picture by the costar, awkward pose by meeee

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ynfan1 AHHH GO BESTIE

kaiagerber love you both sm 🤍

harryfan2 HARRY TOOK THIS I CANT

mtv This is my roman empire

ynfan2 no biggie just harry taking pictures of her

harrystyles Amazing photographer, amazing pose x

↳ harryfan2 are we interrupting something?

↳ynfan3 he’s in love

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harrystyles Which Brings Me to You World Premiere. October, 2023.

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harryfan1 BABY

jefezoff 🙌🏻

ynfan1 oh he hot

yourinstagram excuse me u get credits on my pic but i don’t ??

↳ harrystyles Picture by the costar, charming face by my mum x

↳ harryfan1 HARRY 😭

↳ harryfan2 I LOVE HIM SO BAD

INTERVIEWS

//

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yourinstagram press day ! be ready because tons of content from me and @harrystyles annoying you about our movie is coming sooooooon 🥰

view all 40,924 comments

ynfan1 this is the best day of my life

jefezoff I feel blessed

harryfan1 MY FAVORITE DUO ON EARTH

harrystyles We are charming, aren’t we?

↳ harryfan2 itsg harry has never been more active

annetwist ❤️

liked by yourinstagram, zendaya and 7,937,229 others

harrystyles We took a Lie Detector Test. The results were pretty interesting. You can watching it in Vanity Fair’s Youtube channel now.

view all 82,937 comments

harryfan1 HEEEELP

harryfan2 WHY DID HE CHOOSE THIS PIC HES SOOOOOO

annetwist ❤️

ynfan1 “have you ever had the hots for a co star before” THEY WEREN’T SNEAKY WITH THAT ONE

yourinstagram liar liar pants on fire

ynfan2 THEY’RE DEFINITELY DATING BYEEEEE

FANS VIA TWITTER

//

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yourinstagram in words of taylor swift: you’re my lover

comments on this post have been limited

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harrystyles

comments on this post have been limited

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

— 1D Monthly Fic Roundup —

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for December 2024! Below you’ll find 1D fics that were all published this month. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​. You can find all our other posts here.

Happy reading!

＊ pumpkin spiced regret by @disgruntledkittenface [M, 1k, Louis/Nick Grimshaw]

You know what they say: If you can’t take the heat in the kitchen, masturbate in the guest bathroom.

＊ When Harry Met Louis by @disgruntledkittenface [M, 45k, Harry/Louis]

The first time Harry and Louis met, they hated each other.

The second time they met, Louis didn’t even remember Harry.

The third time they met, they became friends.

They were friends for a long time.

And then they weren’t.

＊ Harry's Halloween Husband Haul by @lululawrence [NR, 666 words, Louis/Harry]

Harry's voice drifted in through the closet door.

“I saw a girl make a video showing her boyfriend haul, so I thought I’d make a Halloween Edition husband haul! So here’s mine…”

＊ All the Words We Don't Want to Hear by @lululawrence [NR, 666 words, Louis/Harry]

Louis turned off the tv and took a few deep breaths. He should never have allowed himself to watch a show detailing an ongoing serial murder investigation when he was home alone at night. His imagination was getting the best of him and causing him to get worked up over nothing.

…Right?

＊ You Should Be Here With Me by @lululawrence [NR, 34k, Louis/Harry]

The festive period is a traditionally hectic one in the world of Premier League football, and this year is no different. A lot is riding on how Manchester United is able to come through the fixtures in the coming weeks.

Louis and his teammates know all too well the pressure that is on their shoulders. They need to prove, not just to fans of the club but the entire league, that they still have what it takes to be a team worthy of fighting for the top of the table.

Throw in the fact that Louis is all too aware that he's not getting any younger in a profession that demands your peak physical fitness year round and the incredibly fit Harry Styles, who is part of the club's social media team, and this year's festive period might just be the most important one yet.

＊ Honk by @allwaswell16 [M, 3k, Harry/Louis]

Louis was not a romantic. He never really dreamed of finding his soulmate. Definitely not like this. Never like this.

Harry was a romantic. He’d always dreamed of finding his soulmate. Just like this. Exactly like this.

An omegaverse, soulmate goose fic for the holidays

＊ freaky friday by @tracksuitponytail [E, 1k, Louis/Harry]

It’s Friday the 13th—a day like any other for Louis until he wakes up in the middle of the night... in his best friend's body.

＊ be still, my foolish heart by localopa / @voulezloux [G, 3k, Zayn/Niall]

"you really love me? this is not a prank, right? because then i would have to punch you and i actually really want to kiss you."

＊ a flicker of hope that i wanna keep (please don’t leave) by localopa / @voulezloux [M, 12k, Harry/Louis]

harry is in love with louis, and he had thought louis felt the same until he accidentally left his journal in harry’s home. he knows he shouldn’t have read it, especially when it only proved to be a reality check he didn’t want. once harry finds the green-eyed, curly haired, gangly fucker that’s stolen louis’ heart, he’d like to have a strong word with him.

＊ i will become yours, you will become mine (i choose you) by localopa / @voulezloux [T, 7k, Louis/Harry]

it’s the day louis never thought he’d ever see. it’s the day that harry proves to his boyfriend he’s here forever.

a don’t be afraid to love (and love again) proposal. Part 3 of trans louis verse

＊ There Is Just One Thing I Need by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings [G, 5k, Harry/Louis]

Louis doesn’t want a lot for Christmas apart from getting home in time to see his family. Then, he meets Harry.

＊ Out of Our Systems: Part 4 by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings [E, 6k, Zayn/Louis/Harry]

Falling in love with Harry was so easy that it felt like coming home. Falling in love with Zayn is such an exhilarating high that it feels like playing with fire and hoping to get burned. Part 4 of Out of Our Systems

＊ We're here tonight and that's enough by Worldsofdreamers / @defences-down [M, 2k, Harry/Louis]

Snapshots of Christmas 2024 and Louis' 33rd Birthday.

＊ We're on fire by Worldsofdreamers / @defences-down [T, 2k, Louis/Harry]

4 times Harry gets caught stealing clothes from his bandmates for his nest.

＊ I'll be happy, happy once again by Worldsofdreamers / @defences-down [M, 7k, Harry/Louis]

After being unceremoniously dumped, Louis has no choice but to go along with his best mates' plan to find a date for Lottie's party.

Will their harebrained scheme work, or will Louis have to admit to his entire family that he got dumped?

＊ It was always you by Worldsofdreamers / @defences-down [T, 1k, Louis/Harry]

It's their first Christmas living together, and Harry has been trying to figure out how to talk to Louis about his feelings for weeks.

He could never have expected what would happen next.

＊ I Can Pull It Together by @louislittletomlintum [E, 6k, Harry/Louis]

Harry's eyes drifted to where Louis’ arms were slung over the back rim of the spa, exposing his underarms again. This time his fine hair was more apparent, wet from the spa and curling a little where some droplets of water hung.

Harry wanted to lick them.

He blushed almost instantly when the thought came through his brain, hoping it wasn’t obvious and that the general heat on his face would disguise his embarrassment. He’d never thought anything like that before.

or the one where Harry accidentally discovers a new part of Louis he really, really loves.

＊ Hearts All Whole by @justanothershadeofblue [M, 27k+, wip, Louis/Harry]

Father Louis Tomlinson hasn't seen or talked to his high school boyfriend in over a decade, not since they went to different universities and slowly grew apart. This means it's a bit of a surprise when he looks out from the pulpit on the first Sunday of Advent and sees Harry Styles' unmistakeable head poking up from a pew halfway back and on the left. How's a priest supposed to make it through the madness of the holiday season with his very friendly, very attractive ex distracting him at every turn?

＊ All These Lights by LetTheMusicMoveYou / @letthemusicmoveyou28 [E, 30k, Harry/Louis]

“As you know, every year Syco Industries throws the Holiday bash of the year. Their annual Christmas Eve charity ball, held in the building’s lobby.”

Louis arches a brow. “Robbing a Christmas charity? That’s your brilliant idea? That’s a little low don’t you think?”

Niall snorts. “The only charity that money is going to is in Simon Cowell’s pocket and we both know it.”

He’s not exactly wrong.

“Alright sure, but I’m pretty sure Santa still frowns upon stealing.”

Niall just grins.

“Being on the nice-list is vastly overrated anyway.”

(Or a holiday heist featuring a rag-tag team of lovable criminals, a pair of exes who hate each other except for when they don’t, and a lot of festive chaos along the way).

- Fic Fest -

＊ Louis Rare Pair Fic Fest / @louisrarepairfest / ao3 / masterpost

A rare pair fest for all Louis Tomlinson rare pairs

[solarwynd]

https://www.tumblr.com/solarwynd/770214269030678528/that-man-can-keep-up-with-the-new-jeans-drama-and?source=share

You know i have always wanted either of the Taekook to address their shippers given the immense hate jimin gets from their vile nasty fans but then i always thinks that if not these two then why does jimin himself not address these things? then i know for a fact that jimin never gives his antis the time of his day, he doens't give them the satisfaction of thinking their hate reaches him (even tho we know it does) So if jimin himself whos getting this constant hate isn't addressing the issue why should we expect it from the other two? Taehyung didn't address the hate jennnie was getting BUT at the same time she herself hasn't addressed it a tiny bit. She didn't say anything about getting hate or anything.

Armys has been harassing ppl in the close vicinity of BTS from all celebrities but when has BTS addressed any of that? does that mean they don't give shit about their frnds armys shit on?? Celebraties literally goes around saying they're afraid to mention BTS because they'll receive hate from armys Yet when has BTS addressed their toxic Fandom?

Jungkook might have seen his fans tagging Ministry because he was enlisting with jimin but the next day he was going to Japan with jimin so is that not a slap to his solos??

Idk man i do want any od these two to adress their shippers but i also think id they don't then why not jimin? Isn't he the one receiving the hate?

We’re not talking about random celebrities though, we’re talking about his bandmate that he’s known and has been friends with for over a decade.

I genuinely do not think showing a little initiative or concern in Jimin getting harassed by his fans in his name is too much to ask. I know there is absolutely nothing in this world that would pull jjks or tkkrs off of Jimin so it’s not even like I’m requesting JK to parent those people. Why is it that a fifth gen idol just starting out can write a detailed post about his bandmate getting harassed and telling people (their fans included) to back off, but he can’t?

Also I think it’s shitty for the victims of the situation to further put a target on their back by calling out the perpetrators. The way tkkrs still talk about Jennie even with them believing that she isn’t dating Taehyung is still nasty. I can’t imagine what would’ve happen had she basically confirmed the relationship and told them to leave her alone in one fell swoop. Jimin as well. I hope he does continue to ignore tkkrs and tk solos. But those two? If you see your girlfriend and friend getting harassed why stay quiet? Like that shit is just real scary behavior to me. When it came to 1D who were at the same level of fame as BTS, they drew clear boundaries and yes Larries carried on but no one could say they fed into it out of their own selfish gain. That’s my point.

I don’t care about displays of continued friendship like hanging out cause that doesn’t address the actual issue at hand. And even with JK and Jimin going to Japan, tkkrs and his solos still tried to spin it like Jimin was forcing him to go on that trip. You don’t think a clear “Jimin is my friend we respect each other etc.” would work better? Instead of him (and Taehyung) reaping the benefit of shipping and acting clueless to it like the things they do aren’t intentional?

They could at least try to show that they aren’t so self concerned because they have called out people before for various instances including hate. All BTS have because they do see what happens online. I would think he would care more but honestly knowing him he’s oblivious to anything that doesn’t center around himself personally so it probably is pointless, but it shouldn’t be.

[djtommotomlinson]

last november i was in china when my little brother called me and told me to come home. over summer my nan, my mums mum, had passed away before i had managed to get back to see her and my mum, my best friend in the world, had a heart attack soon after. i was with her then. we went to the funeral. she got better. we saw robbie williams live. we went out drinking and to the beach and watched coyote ugly and la la land together, our fave movies.

when my brother called me to tell me mum had cancer i knew it was bad. i lost my best friend to cancer when we were just 16 years old. thats never a good word. but its my mum. and to quote her days after her own mums death 'i always knew one day my mum would die but i never knew she would, like, actually die'.

i knew in the back of my head why i was going home but i didnt believe it. i watched spiderverse for like the third time on the plane. i went to grab my suitcase and laughed when i realised i was at the wrong shanghai - gatwick conveyor belt. who knew there were two at almost the same time.

then my brother, my baby brother, who is 30 next year but was 28 and always our baby brother, called me and my life is never ever going to be the same. i knew the moment he called. and i sat on the floor at gatwick airport shaking and people kept coming over to ask if i was okay and finally my sister and my aunties, my mums sisters, arrived and they were let into the baggage area when they explained and picked me off the floor.

i dont think this is a grief that has settled yet. i was meant to see louis that night. i havent listened to a song by him since despite his music getting me through some of my hardest times. my denial, she'll walk through the door and say this was all a joke, phase went on for months after we planned and executed a funeral and wake on the beach in malta. i made a great playlist, i wrote a great eulogy. i did that but it didnt properly sink in why.

i still, almost a full year on, wake up and think about messaging her to tell her how im feeling and check in on her.

my mum used to send me one direction news she found on facebook every day. harrys got a new album emmy did you know? and i was like no mum wow thank you (of course i already knew). she loved niall and we were going to see him live together. she wasnt a big fan of louis' music but ached for what he'd been through. i woke up the day after hearing about liam expecting a text from her checking in because she got me 1d tickets in 2014 for my 23rd birthday and she brought me merch and the dvd of the movie -

my mum who hated the beatles because they were too mainstream but loved what i loved because i loved it and was passionate about it. god she would have been crushed for me today. she would have been heart broken.

and i think this has hit me like a train not only because everyone who knows me knows how much i loved liam as if he was my own friend, but also because this past year has been so full of grief i dont always know how to get out of bed. my dads mum passed a few months ago. my family are wrecked with it. this past year has been a nightmare we can't get out of.

i always related to liam as someone who was bullied at school and as someone who suffers from mental illness and has suffered from alcoholism, thankfully, for me, something ive managed to come back from and im sober and i always hoped for that for him. its such a hard fucking mountain to climb and i didn't have to deal with the fame side of it and this whole other thing he had to carry. i always wanted him to get better but in the back of my head i had this feeling, i had this fear that i would one day log into tumblr and see the worst.

i still cant, and im sure for a long time won't, believe this real. thats one of my boys. we were very much meant to get old together. i wanted to see him get better. i cant begin to comprehend the fact he wont have that chance. this still doesnt feel real to me man. thats my boy.

just a few days ago I was in a convenience store and they were playing heart meets break and i was jamming and excited to hear my boy in a store. i keep remembering its happened, and i look at the photo on my bedside of me and my mum at the robbie williams concert and i could really do with her right now. a link to a facebook article and her over use of emojis - a shocked and crying face and a broken heart. because what else can express this?

i know i didnt know him but i always had the comfort of knowing of him, of listening to his music and watching his videos and feeling less alone in a cruel and lonely world.

its okay to be a fucking mess, if you can take time out please do. i wish this world allowed more of that. after my mum everyone had to go back to jobs and life and it still blows my mind that i was walking down the street then and today and everything was the same. the world should pause but it doesn't.

at the end of all of this, one day this might settle and make sense but right now it doesnt at all and thats how these things work. i love you all, this is not something i thought we would have to face until we had all grown old and spent all of our money on reunion tickets and seen our boys grow old and live their lives.

give people you love a hug, tell people you love that you care about them, work out problems and differences if you can and make the most of it. you never know how much time you have.

[honey-worm]

R.I.P Liam Payne.

Many things went on through my head the day I found out that a member of One Direction passed away. It was Wednesday October 16th, 2024 around 3pm. I was having a pretty normal day at work until I got the news via text from a friend.

"Bitch Liam Payne from One Direction died" "You're fucking joking"

I was in literal shock. I really thought they she was joking (if you can even joke about death.) I went on Instagram and the first post was, of course, Liam passing away at the age of 31. I literally booked it to the restroom to scroll down multiple social media platforms, verifying what I had just read and messaging friends back who were also freaking out. People who I haven't talked to in years, you know, the ones I would just scroll by on Facebook, stated that I was the first one they thought of. They wondered if I had posted about it. I didn't realize how big of a fan I was until they mentioned it to me because it's not like we were ever best friends back when 1D was the it band. I honestly couldn't believe it. There was just no way that Liam Payne, from one of the biggest boybands in the world, was no longer with us in the flesh.

After the devastating news, the next hour at work was a blur. I couldn't concentrate on what was needing to be done. None of my coworkers were going through what I was feeling. Though, I already knew they wouldn't understand... They're all 50+ years old. I had no one to talk to about this.

The moment I got into my car after work, my Made in the A.M. album CD was already playing. I checked Twitter and TikTok, feeling the emotions of every single directioner. Retweet this, retweet that. Repost this, repost that. I got myself off the apps and headed home, singing along to the boys I hold so close to my heart. I started to cry because suddenly I was 17 again and things would never be the same. The songs would never be the same. All my 1D memories were flooding in rapidly. All the tweets, all the fanfictions, all the youtube videos, all the posters, all the merch, all the talk... All of it. Teenage me was surfacing.

As I got home, I took my dogs out, fed them, and immediately got into bed. Back to doom scrolling. I needed to be with people who understood me. Tweet after tweet. I was reading everyone's tweets about how sad we all are and how so many of us don't have anyone in our real lives to understand the impact this actually has. We all gathered on social media to start grieving. It felt like we had jumped back in time, constantly tweeting and talking about a boyband that made us so incredibly happy during such bad times in our lives. My whole timeline was filled with photos of the boys again. Every tweet was a directioner, just like it was 11+ years ago. It was such a bittersweet feeling. Happy because it's all about the boys again, but, upsetting because it's all about the boys again due to a tragic death of one of them. We aren't teenagers anymore. I wasn't just grieving Liam, I was grieving my inner teen. Grieving the fact that we'll never get to go back to that time again. It was such a weird feeling. I'd cry, be fine, feel numb, dissociate, go back to crying, back to being fine, cry again, go numb... It was a literal rollercoaster of emotions.

What's so crazy to me is that I spent the 2 weeks prior of this loss, binging all 1D songs. I was in the middle of reminiscing about my teenage years of being absolutely obsessed with the band, rereading the fanfic I wrote when I was 19, watching frat boy Harry edits, remembering the way I felt during those times...... Then Liam dies??? What was the universe up to??? I couldn't believe that every day for 14 days, I was listening to all albums before, during, and after work. They were just on all day every day. I was reliving my teenage years, remembering how infatuated I was with "frat boy" Harry. The one that made me fall in love with 1D in the first place.

Myself, and so many others, were never expecting a tragedy to happen to one of our idols so early on in life. We weren't expecting to experience such a loss at the ripe ages of early 20s-early 30s.

I hope that all fans are spending their time with loved ones (online or in real life) during this time because what you're going through is so so valid. You aren't alone. The whole world is mourning such a big part of our lives. Continue to let 1D live on. Watch those YouTube videos, read those fanfictions, listen to those 1D songs, watch those 1D movies.

You and that inner child deserve to relive such a happy time during a traumatic chapter.

And please remember to love one another. Continue to be a lover. Give love, choose love. Love everyone, always. No matter what, treat people with kindness. You never know what someone is going through.

All my love,

R. x

[forwhatiam]

Happy 28th! <3 Here's my favorite fics I read this month (and last), organized from longest to shortest. It's been a tough year, here's to hoping this next one doesn't treat us too bad.

Cameras Flashing by juliusschmidt (E, 81.7k)

With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert.

Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight.

As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?

you came into my life by disgruntledkittenface (M, 57.1k)

When the Queer Eye cast and crew sweep into Louis’ small town and fire station to make over his best friend and coworker Liam, Louis’ carefully constructed walls start to fall down and he has to face his fears – and the only guy he’s ever been able to see a future with.

You Should Be Here With Me by lululawrence (NR, 34.4k)

The festive period is a traditionally hectic one in the world of Premier League football, and this year is no different. A lot is riding on how Manchester United is able to come through the fixtures in the coming weeks.

Louis and his teammates know all too well the pressure that is on their shoulders. They need to prove, not just to fans of the club but the entire league, that they still have what it takes to be a team worthy of fighting for the top of the table.

Throw in the fact that Louis is all too aware that he's not getting any younger in a profession that demands your peak physical fitness year round and the incredibly fit Harry Styles, who is part of the club's social media team, and this year's festive period might just be the most important one yet.

Not having a breakdown! (I'm just here for the kid.) by louisismycat (E, 28.3k)

Harry has to park outside his ex-husband’s (Louis) wedding so that he can whisk their kid away if a meltdown ensues during the day. Guests will not know this and will only see him parked outside, it cannot be stressed enough, his ex-husband’s wedding.

Your Reign is Free (to give along to Santa) by LadyLondonderry (T, 28.3k)

It’s Christmas Eve. It’s a totally normal Christmas Eve. Harry and Louis have some friends coming by, and some totally normal birthday and Christmas plans. It’s a totally typical totally normal Christmas Eve.

A fic that takes place over 24 (+1) hours where surely everything will go totally to plan.

I Roll 'til I Change My Luck by larry_hiatus (T, 8.4k)

Dating is hard enough when you're gay. When Louis reveals to his Tinder matches that he uses a wheelchair and has a service dog, things tend to get even more complicated. Too bad the guys on dating apps aren't as sweet and understanding as his best friend Harry…

What's in a Name by HelloLovers13 (T, 2.6k)

Louis had always known Harry was his soulmate.

The name on his arm disagreed.

But what did his soulmark know about true love anyway.

there's a devil in your smile, it's chasing me by larryftnoctrl (T, 1.6k)

Harry is on a shitty date. the NJ Devil is his savior.

BONUS NON-1D FIC: Dedicated To The One I Love by hayseeds (Peanuts, G, WIP)

After a summer away from Lucy and too much time to think, eighth grade leaves Schroeder silently pining after the girl he’s rejected since he was a kid.

[rememberingliampayne]

Dear Liam,

It feels like just yesterday that I was 10 years old sitting in front of the tv being absolutely blown away (like the rest of the world), by this cute teenage boy with 'Justin Bieber hair' and a powerhouse voice covering cry my a river; then a few weeks later standing fingers crossed with my eyes screwed shut hoping that my vote was enough for my new 5 favourite people to win the x-factor. Somehow, 14 years have past since then, and at 24, it has been incredible to grow up watching you continue to flourish as both a singer/songwriter in 1D and as a solo artist. It has been an even bigger pleasure to witness how despite your insane levels of stardom and success at such a young age, you seemed to continue to meet the world with such a genuine kindness, warmth and humility. I hope you know how truly loved you were by everyone you met, and by the millions more like me who got the privilege to love you from afar. My heart is breaking continually on a loop for your family, friends, fans, and the long life that you should have been given the chance to live. I want you to know how much you were a source of light and happiness in my life, and I will never be able to truly express how much of an impact you have made on me Liam. I hope that wherever you are, that you are at peace knowing how loved you are, and how lucky the world was to have you here while we could. Love forever and always, Amber. xxxxx

[seniasworld]

It's Been Three Weeks ...

(this post is simply to get my own thoughts and feelings regarding Liam Payne's death out. skip if ya don't care. <3)

It's been three weeks since Liam Payne has passed, and I am still having a hard time wrapping my brain around it. I am an old Directioner, as I discovered the boys and their music when I was about 14 or 15 and I adored them up until Zayn left the band. I remember being so shy about the fact that I, a teenage girl, was influenced to adore these 5 boys who were also teenagers at the time. Thankfully, I realized that it isn't a bad thing to find some sort of comfort in strangers, and no, I was not part of the group who failed to respect their privacy and boundaries as fellow human beans. I loved them dearly and unfortunately, cut that shit off once I had bigger life things to worry about.

About three months before the news of Liam's death, I had finally committed to deleting thousands ...thousands of memes and pictures that came with being a Directioner during their prime. I had so many photos that I hadn't even looked at in years taking up space in my drive and I had do either pay for more digital storage (lmfaooo yeah right) or delete things I didn't need anymore, so that's what I did. Oddly enough, it was kind of a relief to get rid of 99% of those images, as I really felt it was a nice way to reconnect with that part of my life without shame or guilt, but appreciation and love.

However, I received the news of his death from the only Directioner friend I stayed in touch with all these years. The same friend I stayed up all night with, talking about the boys, waiting for songs to release, crying on Skype together when the wind slightly shifted in our little world. The only friend who I committed to meeting in person multiple times throughout our lives. She sent me a news clip on TikTok and girl, when I tell you my hear sank ...shit was SUNK. I didn't want to believe it, so I didn't. I was in such a great state of denial and shock that I couldn't even find it in myself to have empathy. All I wanted to do was prove that it was some misinformation or some stupid prank. I guess that's one way to cope, right?

Anyway, the teenage girl in me was devastated. I instantly recalled certain posts that were made either on here or on Twitter back in the 1D days that talked so much about how we would miss these days and they would pass us by so quickly and before we knew it, we would be grieving the loss of one of our boys after going so long without being so obsessively invested in their lives. I couldn't believe that we were losing one of them so soon. I couldn't stand the fact that I felt guilty for not being more invested than I have been in each of their music careers, even though I shouldn't. Really, I was just surprised at the fact that an influential part of my childhood ...or rather, teenage years, was just gone and it took his passing for me to realize the impact they all had.

I considered myself a Harry girl, and iykyk, us girlies were in the trenches, but my point with this is that I still loved all the boys. I don't know if I can truly express it, but watching their interviews, performances, vlogs, interacting with them on Twitter even though I was lost in the sea of fans, even just listening to their voices in their music was comforting. I appreciated so much that these boys were told from the very beginning that they wouldn't be successful and then they just blew it out the water. I appreciated so much that even though they were put together as a last resort and even lost X-Factor, who they were as people was what caught our attention as fans. For me, they were a safe space. For a lot of us, they were physical evidence that creative, funny, and compassionate people exist and that they can be boys/men. For a lot of us, they were simply all we had to get through each day.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend that some of the news that surrounds Liam was always positive. In fact, I was kind of mad at him for my own reasons for a bit before he passed. But the fact is, his presence in the band was crucial and so heavily valued that you didn't even have to be a 1D fan for his death to impact you in some way. His voice was beautiful and the way he carried himself compared to the other boys, especially when they were younger, was unique and powerful. I am so sorry that this has happened to him and I am so hurt for those in his life who actually knew him and loved him personally. I wish it didn't take death for people to realize that compassion, patience, and accountability go so fucking far no matter who you are and what you do. I wish he was in a different situation that would have never allowed for him to go the way he did.

I want to remind you, if you are still reading this, to understand that mental health takes a huge toll and informs our thoughts and behavior. Addiction is indicative of one's inability to face themselves. And let me ask you: how many people do you think you are wiling to face when you struggle to face yourself?

We must be kind to others, but more importantly, we must be kind to ourselves. It's okay to make mistakes. Mistakes do not make you a bad person, and holding yourself and the ones you love accountable IS an act of love that will benefit the world around you.

I think this is all I have on the matter, for now. I am still quite sad, as I have experienced personal losses this year alone, so my heart goes out to those who have also been effected by Liam's unexpected passing.

If you ever want to chat or share any thoughts, follow and shoot me a message. I'll be around.

Goodnight. x

Yesenia

[twopoppies]

Hi!! First time in ur inbox- sorry it's such word vomit. I've seen you be so sweet to people in your asks and I thought I'd join with my own thoughts that have been rattling around in my head since last night.

Why is it that the general population see larries as actually, genuinely, crazy and delusional fans? I know it serves it's purpose in maintaining the believability of a closet, but

when i got into the fandom and started going through all the receipts& explanations, I remember still being on the fence for a while, unsure and sort of paranoid about whether I was allowed to believe in it. I can remember telling a friend that asked if I thought it was real: "The craziest part is that you look through everything, read about PR and closeting in the industry, and you are left thinking: Well, holy shit. It's entirely possible that this is true. It wouldn't even be a special case- all of these things that fans theorise about Larry have 100% happened to other celebs."

I understand people not wanting to believe in 'conspiracies' but when it's straight relationships, it's ok? when it's the mainstream media narrative, it's ok? even though artists have told us repeatedly that the media has their own agenda? I'll never get that. How are we the crazy ones? They're the hypocrites.

Because I'm new to the fandom I've been watching old clips on youtube, and I got recommended a video essay on 1D and the whole comment section was full of people saying larries caused gaylor to happen (ew as if we would ever), and comparing what we believe to kpop stans thinking every one of their idols is secretly dating (which btw, yes kpop stans are intense and often fall for easily debunked conspiracies but. statistically speaking, some of those boys have GOT to be fruity.)

It just makes me wonder why people have to come at us like that. Saying all our proof can be debunked... a lot of it can lol but that's more of an issue of younger or naiver people getting obsessed with the idealised romance of H&L and seeing writing on the wall when it's just some accidental smudges. If they don't want to believe us, fine. But why are they so sure they know better than we do?

Hi, love. This would be a PhD thesis if I really broke it down. But I think a couple of the main reasons are that 1DHQ worked overtime on the gaslighting and the story that larries ruined HL's friendship. Then they added in "Louis" tweeting about how Larry is bullshit, and he's straight, and he's had to deny "Larry" a bunch of times over the years. So from the early days, it was considered being a "good fan" to shit on larries. Then, add in that Harry was marketed as a womanizer, Louis was marketed as the world's best boyfriend, and tabloids calling anyone "crazy" who thought they could be anything but aggressively straight. Larries just became the scapegoat.

Add in a sprinkle of homophobia ("stop assigning a sexuality to people" as if "straight" isn't a sexuality) and compulsory heterosexuality, and you've got a perfect storm. Plus, unless you've got a basic understanding of closeting and the way the music/film industries operate and only you've really followed things from early on and cataloged the insane amount of "coincidences," it's easy to explain everything away.

more here

[1d-brainrot]

I'm in bed next to my sleeping partner sobbing to ot5, so I think it's time I get this out.

This blog is new, but I am in no way new to the fandom. I grew up very poor and in unstable housing my entire life, so I really looked for comfort in other things - which lead to my love for music. I was 10 years old when the boys hit the US, and they changed my life.

What Makes You Beautiful immediately had me hooked and for the next several years - they were what got me through so much. Even the hardest days were easier when I got home to my poster covered walls and my CD player with the stack of 1D discs next to it.

When the boys broke up I was lost. I had never got to see them live - and beyond that my biggest escape was suddenly gone. But that didn't change too much for me in reality. I still listened, I still loved them, I never gave up.

October 16th, I was in a voice chat on discord with my longest online friend - the only Directioner I met in my childhood that never left my side. She got off call to go to bed, and within 20 minutes I heard the news. I remember just sitting there. Do I call and wake her up? Regardless she's waking up to the news.. I didn't know how to process it myself - how do I even say those words out loud? Is it real?

Over the last week, it's become more real. I went from being a passive fan of their solo careers to being so deep into the ot5 again that they're all I'm thinking about again. These boys were my first special interest. They supported me through my transition without even knowing it.

This fandom is something I wish I would've never drifted from; regardless of the break up. But, I think Liam would be so happy to see all of us together again, listening to the boys again. I think he would be proud of how much we still care. I hope wherever he is, he knows we're still here.

Liam,

Thank you. Thank you for saving my life so many times. Thank you for making me feel heard. Thank you for bringing me some of the most amazing friends and memories that I could've had. Thank you for being my escape. Thank you for being you.

I know life wasn't always kind to you. I know we weren't always kind to you. But I hope you know how much this world loved you. How we still love you. I hope you know that you have changed so many lives and so many people are going to cherish the memories you brought them for the rest of their lives.

We will tell our children about the things you did for us, the songs you played for us, and all the laughs we got to share with you by being in this fandom.

Directioners,

I love you. Rather you're new here or you've been here the whole time, I'm here for you. We're all here for you. Not a single one of you are going through this alone and I promise I will be right here for any of you who need someone.

We have gotten through some hard times as a fandom, but this is easily the hardest. I hope that for Liam, we can keep contact. I hope that this fandom's breath of life isn't temporary. We need each other.

Please drink water, try to sleep, and take this day by day. I am here for any of you, always.

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Really genuinely asking- I love Louis btw I just have been thinking about this. I feel like Louis relationship w Oli is a little… I’m not even sure. If I’m being completely honest I think there’s no way that’s a normal friendship. I can’t imagine making one of my childhood friends my PA, I get so confused when he calls Oli his best friend sometimes bc what kinda best friends have a friendship where one friend is basically serving the other and on their payroll. I’m not saying it’s bad of Louis or anything I think it’s nice of him to give him a job but I lowkey am so confused by what their dynamic is. I feel like if u present it on paper it’s just … odd. Like what motivation (other than a job) does Oli have to dedicate his life to Louis? I used to wonder if they were dating but then that weirded me out bc i just rly don’t like the thought of that bc now he’s his PA childhood best friend and … anyway. I’m just sooo confused by how and if they have any sort of normal relationship. And also HOW? I hope this makes sense

Like any longterm relationship, it’s an arrangement that both find satisfactory, at least for now.

Louis gets to have someone he trusts close to him at all times, someone that his family can contact knowing he will get messages to Louis and be reliable.

Oli gets to live the life of a rock star’s assistant but be treated like a friend, a colleague. He can travel the world and meet people, be given respect and status because of his friendship.

Imagine if Liam had a friend like Oli who is reliable, trustworthy, and discreet? Available at all hours? Keeps Louis real and grounded?

Oli isn’t independently wealthy, at least not on Louis’ level, which is a good thing. As many fans have noted, unlike most 1D “friendships,” Oli isn’t scheming to make money from his association with Louis.

I doubt that Oli is with Louis all the time when Louis isn’t on tour or vacation. At some point, Oli will likely leave to start his own family.

[elastylinson28]

It’s just starting to sink in that Liam is actually gone, and we will never see him again. One day, we will reach his age and be older than he ever was. And the most painful truth of all is that he’s now just a memory, and that is all he’ll ever be.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to friends messaging me, asking if it’s true. I didn’t know what “true” meant; I had no idea what was going on. I was so confused until one friend said, “It’s all over social media—Liam’s dead.” I immediately opened Twitter and saw the freshest tweets talking about the accident. I struggled to believe it. I thought maybe it was just a hoax, considering he’d just been in the spotlight a week ago, once again facing backlash. Then I went on Facebook and saw Good Morning America post about it, along with familiar names—names from years ago, names I hadn’t seen in a while, but still recognized from the days when I grew up loving One Direction.

I was shaken.

I didn’t know that a celebrity’s death could hit me this hard. Tears quickly followed, and I felt overwhelmed, like I might pass out. Just a few days before, I had been on Twitter defending Liam’s name over the pettiest reasons, with people pointing out the little things he did, claiming that the rest of the 1D guys always hated him.

I soon found out about the allegations against him, yet the little girl in me—the little girl who loved One Direction so deeply—just finds it hard to believe. Still, I gave the women my trust and decided that maybe it was time to accept that I don’t know these men personally. I chose to stay clear and quiet about all things Liam, as I couldn’t bring myself to even say anything, especially against him. It sounds wrong, but you can’t just simply erase all the years you spent loving and supporting someone that quickly. Instead, I chose to focus on the other lads and ignore all the controversies.

Days passed, and what was meant to be just another random day, the 17th, became a day that changed everything. I woke up to a completely different world—a world where Liam doesn’t exist. It’s a day I will never forget; a day that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

I spent the entire day on social media, sharing my grief with strangers who, like me, share a love for these guys, as well as people from my past who loved One Direction just as deeply. We all share this grief, all over the world, mourning for what has gone and what could’ve been. It did not have to end like this—a tragedy of this magnitude is so painful that it eats you alive.

It’s been years since I’ve come to terms with the fact that they are never coming back, and that’s okay. I accepted that, knowing that the little girl in me won’t and will never be able to. I believed that one day, when they were much older, they’d reunite for the last time—all five of them: Niall, Louis, Liam, Harry, and even Zayn. I knew it would be far, far off in the future, but I believed it would happen. But with his passing, all hope is gone. No matter what happens, One Direction just isn’t One Direction anymore, and that, I think, is the toughest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.

Liam’s gone.

Liam has always been the light of the band. Even as a young girl, I knew and recognized that he led them; he was called the “Daddy Direction” for a reason. Even after the band, he remained so supportive of them. As painful and hard as it is to admit, Liam didn’t get the recognition and success that the other four have. To see someone you adored get left behind and hated by the fans of the same people he called brothers hurt. And that is a fact that will always devastate me—how wronged he was by the public and the industry, and how that led him to inflict harm not just on himself but also on others. He needed help. He deserved help—a chance to get better. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if things hadn’t gone wrong.

It’s so heartbreaking to think of the weight of all his struggles, the loneliness he must have felt, and the lost moments that can never be reclaimed. He died believing the world had turned its back on him, he was robbed of a second chance at life. He will never have the opportunity to witness his son grow up or create new memories with his family. Most tragically, he never got to experience the outpouring of love he is receiving now from the world and his brothers, a love that he deserved to feel when he was still alive.

Liam, you deserved so much more than the silence that now surrounds you. Rest now, knowing you will never be forgotten.

[manetsgarden]

The Directioner to marketing exec pipeline

For my fellow 2012-2014 Tumblr obsessives. A heartfelt tribute to the band, the years spent together online, and the many wonderful friends and life I made along the way. /

A few weeks ago it was my friend’s birthday. Six years ago, almost to the day, she and I met at a cupcake cafe, and bonded over the years we spent on Tumblr and Twitter as ultimate 1D girlies while we ate our cupcakes. We laughed about how we got follows from celebrities, or replies from the band, and how we spent every waking moment online, obsessed by different YouTubers, bands, and TV shows.

When I think about the string that lead me to that cafe in Edinburgh, it starts with Harry Potter. I was six years old in Orlando, Florida, and my parents took us to see the Philosopher’s Stone. In the rest of the pictures of our holiday, I have gigantic, frizzy hair because I begged my mom to braid it every night so I could look like Hermione. Six years old, but I knew how to immediately decide to devote myself to obsession.

Less than ten years later, I was watching trailers of movies on YouTube. At that point, I already had accounts on Twitter and Tumblr, but I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to do with them. From the moment I clicked on the “What Makes You Beautiful” Youtube video, everything became second nature.

There was no call to action at the end of that video saying “now pick your favourite and love them forever.” There was no need: we watched it and knew immediately what our job was. I wasn’t even halfway through before I knew exactly which one was mine (and I’ve never wavered). Credit is due to the YouTube algorithm for filling my recommended videos with content from their X Factor days, because I spent the rest of that night watching the videos of them on the stairs, searching them on Tumblr, and falling down the 1D rabbit hole.

It was as easy as breathing! There was no ‘how-to’ guide, the word ‘stan’ didn’t even exist yet. The way the internet let us collectively fawn over anything from a band, to a character in a book, to a random person on YouTube felt like a brave new world. I followed One Direction online alongside girls from the UK, Brazil, the Philippines, everywhere. I started my deep dives into other worlds with Harry Potter, but it was as a One Direction fan that I became embedded in the globalisation of the internet. I went from One Direction, to Zoella, to Sherlock, to Doctor Who, to 5SOS, and eventually I graduated from high school and got a life. By the time I did that though, I knew, fundamentally, how the internet worked.

In 2013, I was there as the Mischacopolypse started. I saw those first few posts trickle in. Later that year, I watched the full 7 hour 1D Day livestream. Year after year, I waited for the new Zoella Vlogmas intro like it was the lighting of the Rockefeller tree. Online content, I learned, was addicting because it was the ultimate way to connect with people. I made friends with girls in Toronto, Vancouver, North Carolina, and England. Not just “internet friends” but real, solid, sweet hearted friendship. I still watch their lives unfold on the internet with pride.

By 18 I had built my own website on Wordpress; I knew how to optimise my blogs for SEO, and set up a tripod with a ring light. I knew how to edit on iMovie and MovieMaker, how to find the latest trends, and even how to search engine optimise on YouTube. And, I leveraged it. I had not only a blog and a YouTube channel, and I tried every new thing. I got my first brand deals, and by 21, I got my first job as a Social Media and Web Coordinator for the uni newspaper. When I graduated, there was only one place to go: the home of all my teenage obsessions, and the reason I was who I was, the UK.

Before moving, I debated between Brighton (home of Zoella) and Edinburgh (home of Harry Potter), and it was really just fate that made me choose the latter. Immediately upon moving, I went back to my roots and got a job as a Harry Potter tour guide. I started creating like you wouldn’t believe. I got invited to events, and even more brand deals.

By this point I knew what sold: the person, the story, the personal connection. People needed to feel like they knew me in order to be invested, so I mined my life for content. Within a year, I got a job as a marketing exec, pointing to my blog and my work as a content creator to get me in. Five years later, I have two degrees in history, but a big girl job in content marketing.

Last weekend that same friend and I were driving home together, listening to One Direction and laughing about how we both ended up in marketing. Both confident there was no reason for it other than our obsession with 1D in our teenage years. At the same time, on different sides of the ocean, we fell in love with One Direction, learned Wordpress, obsessed over Zoella, created Instagram personalities, built our “brands”, and eventually, settled for jobs big girl jobs in marketing.

More than our jobs, we have six years of friendship built (from my side) on the trust that because we both know what 2013 Twitter was like as a One Direction fan, we just get each other. We’ve shared countless jokes about the old days, (remember the pandemonium when the pictures of Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, and baby Lux in Central Park dropped??!!!!), and looking forward to when we’re old and there’s inevitably a reunion tour. This was the norm, until she messaged our groupchat at 11:30pm on her birthday, and I only knew it was serious because she wouldn’t be so dramatic if it wasn’t. A quick Google search confirming the truth, one of the most jarring, official endings to anything so far in my life.

When you hear ‘stans’ say they owe their lives to a band or a celebrity, they don’t always mean it in a parasocial or ‘this song saved me when I had serious mental health problems’ sort of way. I was never that intensely obsessed with One Direction, but I wouldn’t have my career, I wouldn’t have met my friend, my husband, I wouldn’t have my home, or, god forbid, my cat(!) if I hadn’t clicked play on that video fifteen years ago.

It feels like a personal loss not because I have a parasocial relationship with Liam Payne, but because in my life there was a clear world before, with him in it, and now a world after, without. It is as simple as saying: it is hard to come to terms with a world without someone who completely created the world that you live in.

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