#in their teeth / but i am always feeding them the ugliest parts of me''

[curiositykilledtheradiostar]

again I cannot emphasize enough how much of a jon archivist song Take Me To War by The Crane Wives is, where is the animatic I need it desperately

[lunarthecorvus]

Six Of Crows Canon Divergence fanfiction recommendations

part of Lunar's soc fanficiton rec series

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The Pugilist's Creed by @bardelow

Wordcount: 123k Chapters: 30/30

Characters: Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker, Matthias Helvar, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Original Characters

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Gun Violence, Angst, Established Relationship, Slow Burn, Kidnapping, Major Character Injury, Gunshot Wounds, Matthias Helvar Lives, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fjerda, Ketterdam, Canon-Typical Violence, Protective Kaz Brekker, multiple POVs, Inej Ghafa is THAT bitch, Really everyone is THAT bitch, Eventual Fluff, Slow burn Kanej, Established Wesper, established helnik, Helnik Wedding

Author's summary/notes: “I wonder if you’d be dragging your feet like this,” Nina spoke through gritted teeth. “If it was Inej’s life on the line.” A storm fell over Kaz’s features, but he did not move, did not let his eyes fall away. Instead, he spoke in a slow, calculated tone. “I’d choose your next words very carefully, little deathrender. However soft you think I’ve grown, remember that I am always willing to show you that the monster is still alive and well.” It's been sixteen days since Matthias and Wylan were taken, and Kaz Brekker has chased down every possible lead only to come up empty handed. However, with an angry Nina and desperate Jesper at his side, he is willing to do whatever it takes to find his missing crows and bring them back home - even if it means more blood on his hands. My summary/notes: The first part of this fic is VERY angsty and consists of Nina and Jesper being mad at Kaz. Kaz is gen really trying to do his best. This fic comes with a side of badass Inej scenes. The rescue mission/'heist' was so fun to read even if it was intense and emotional. Matthias' POV's are written brillantly and I loved seeing the way his mind worked, he was very book!Matthias in this fic. I will end this with saying Inej, knife, heart.. that scene-

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carry your heart in their teeth by boybi_i

Wordcount: 21k Chapters: 1/1

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Matthias Helvar, Kaz Brekker, Jan Van Eck, Alys Van Eck, Kuwei Yul-Bo

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Post-Book 1: Six of Crows, Kidnapping, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Except it takes like 17k to get to the comfort, Murder, Rescue Missions, Major Character Injury, Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Torture, None of said torture happens on screen but it is referenced and talked about, Knives, Knife giving as a love language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Haphephobia, Canon Disabled Character, Inspired by a The Crane Wives Song, Jan Van Eck Bashing, Canon-Typical Violence

Author's summary/notes: “They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me” - Take Me to War, The Crane Wives - On Vellgeluk, Van Eck kidnaps Kaz. Inej discovers the lengths that which she will go to get him back. My summary/notes: I loved reading Inej's thought process throughout the whole fic, the feelings were written so well. This fic was so interesting especially because its ck Inej and not post canon Inej dealing with Kaz. The crows do argue a lot in this fic, and Inej is focusing all her energy trying to figure out how get Kaz back while ignoring her pain. Very whumpy.

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Plan F by bbbeautifulboy

Wordcount: 168k Chapters: 30/? (hasn't been updated in a year)

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Book 2: Crooked Kingdom, Alternate Ending, Jurda Parem, Matthias Helvar Lives, On the Run, Canon Disabled Character, Deaf Character, Found Family, Jesper Fahey Has ADHD, Sign Language, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Angst with a Happy Ending, this fic is so unhinged, Mental Instability, Chronic Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Addiction, Platonic Relationships, Service Dogs, Plot, Healing, POV Multiple, Pirates, Crows as Found Family, Captain Inej Ghafa, Time Skips, Domestic Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Simp Matthias Helvar, Original Character(s), Including a baby, Minor Character(s), Developing Friendships, Hallucinations

Author's summary/notes: The Auction fails, leaving all of the Crows with a warrant for arrest over their heads and all of Ketterdam and the countries beyond officially their enemy. They've lost everything: their money, obscurity, and their last chance at winning and walking away free. They can only be helped by the Saints and each other now. What will they do to survive? The home that’s lived for years in his nightmares surrounds him, but he cannot see past the five people in front of him. His crew- they’re all looking to him, and as long as they are, he has something to fight for and protect the way he did his reputation and name in Ketterdam. He’s not letting them go. My summary/notes: In this fic you have everything, cottagecore, fluff, angst and a whole bunch of plots. The crows really feel like found family in this and its so sweet. A whole bunch of angst so be warned. Helnik is so cute in this fic. This was one of the first big fics I read and I absolutely adored it.

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l'appel du vide by @alltheworldsinmyhead

Wordcount: 41k Chapters: 8/8

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Tante Heleen

Tags: Angst with a bittersweet ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Marriage of Convenience, Kaz and Inej make a deal, jokes on them, mentions of past trauma, Canon Backstories, Past Rape/Non Con, Partners to Lovers, slowburn, Inej nevr becomes the Wraith, post-revenge Kaz, Kanej - Freeform, secondary wesper, Canon-Typical Violence

Author's summary/notes: “He was hoping that bringing a famous prostitute on his arm to the saloons and ballrooms of the rich and the powerful of Ketterdam would at least bring him some entertainment if nothing else. But what Kaz did not take into consideration was what marrying a woman like Inej really meant.” CANON DIVERGENCE AU: Kaz comes to the Menagerie for Inej many years too late and bites off more than he can chew. My summary/notes: Honestly this fic is the best thing I've ever read. It presents Inej's character so her but at the same she's so different and its expected as she has been in the menagerie for so many years. This story is a marriage of convenience and follows both Kaz and Inej's path of miscommunication angst and some healing along the way. If you read this fic you will never be the same.

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A Shift in the Air by Just_Another_Bookworm

Wordcount: 176k Chapters: 66/66

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Pre-Canon, Kaz is Deaf, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Slow Build, canon adjacent

Author's summary/notes: The chattering masses of people he passed didn’t know it yet, but they would one day fear the half-drowned nine year old shaking from the cold and the effects of the plague. Then again, no one knew much about Kaz Brekker. They didn’t know he wasn’t from the Barrel or that he’d once had a family. They never guessed where the rasp in his young voice came from. They certainly didn’t know why he really wore gloves. Most weren’t even convinced he was human. No one ever suspected that Kaz Brekker was deaf. *** Basically a random story of what if Kaz went deaf from the plague. It starts sort of pre-canon and has expanded. I am bad at summaries so read the first chapter if you want to get a feel for what this story is. My summary/notes: Reading this Deaf Kaz AU was so fascinating, they adapted Kaz being deaf around canon soc so well. The Kanej in this fic captures that beauty of understanding each other through not saying words. It also goes into Kaz and Jesper's brother bond and it so sweet to read.

[matteosilly]

I've earned myself a reputation // That my bark is much worse than my bite // But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands // With all of my tiny might There are no stones at my disposal // There's no God to award me a crown // But I am always swinging at // Somebody I can't knock down All of the fire I've swallowed // All of the sparks that went dark in my gut // I am always burning up Dress me in red and throw your roses // And I'll wrangle the beast with words // It's a graceless dance of epithets // We learn to make somewhat hurt They will consume your sweet resistance // And they'll carry your heart in their teeth // But I am always feeding them // The ugliest parts of me All of the words I've swallowed // All of the sharp things // I've kept in my mouth // I am always bleeding out

[alyrictoasongbythecranewives]

They will consume your sweet resistance

And they'll carry your heart in their teeth

But I am always feeding them

The ugliest parts of me

[heros-of-kalos]

[Bzzt video recording]

[Fulgora is sitting in pokemon village with Corentin, Fulgora seems to be holding an acoustic guitar in her hands]

"You know its been a while since I've sung mon amour"

"Cela ne me dérange pas, j'aime juste entendre votre voix."

{I do not mind I just like hearing your voice}

"Alright if you say so"

[Fulgora starts strumming on the guitar, and begins to sing]

"I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might There are no stones at my disposal There's no God to award me a crown But I am always swinging at Somebody I can't knock down"

"All of the fire I've swallowed All of the sparks that went dark in my gut I am always burning up"

"Dress me in red and throw your roses And I'll rankle the beasts with words It's a graceless dance of epithets We learn to make someone hurt They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me"

"All of the words I've swallowed All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth I am always bleeding out"

"Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you"

"I watched a weed usurp the garden And it poisoned the rest of the crops It would take days of fighting stubborn roots To tear the whole damn thing out So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash"

"All of the ire I've swallowed All of the coals that still sit in my gut I am always burning up"

"Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists"

[rainswept]

✰ FEN’S (possibly) UPCOMING FICS !!

checking for interest! let me know if you’d want to see any of these — they’re all tentative ideas as of now. all are based on songs by the crane wives !!

 🕊️ — 𝐂𝐀𝐍’𝐓 𝐆𝐎 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 — 𝐗𝐈𝐀𝐎 ✰

it’s time to learn to be more forgiving of yourself, and your sins | all the self-loathing in the world won’t change a thing | it’s not fair | when have you ever known the world to be a fair place? 

🍁 — 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓 — 𝐊𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀 ✰

build yourself a citadel amidst the foothills of regret, and though you’ve convinced yourself you’re safe and sound within; the thing you fear the most never need get in | ‘cause you’ll miss the sun, the warmth of another’s embrace | and that thing you feel will coax you out of that unholy place, ‘cause all you’ve ever wanted was an escape | those of us who vow never to love again, to love again, are making liars out of honest men | it’s not something that you put to bed, hang your head and just forget; no, love don’t know how to rest | the heart is just a muscle, with a rhythm all its own; it doesn’t stop when you decide not to move on. the heart knows nothing of your love or of your loss. so life just keeps ticking by, compelled by instinct to survive, and love’s the only thing worth being alive for.

🌧️ — 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐀𝐑 — 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐑 ✰

i keep snapping at goliath’s hands with all of my tiny might (💀). there are no stones at my disposal, there’s no god to lend me a crown; but i am always swinging at somebody i cannot down. all of the fire i’ve swallowed, all of the sparks that went dark in my gut; i am always burning up. dress me in red and throw your roses, and i’ll wrangle the beast with words; it’s a graceless dance of epithets we learn to make someone hurt. they will consume your sweet resistance, and they’ll carry your heart in their teeth; but i am always feeding them the ugliest parts of me. all of the words i’ve swallowed, all of the sharp things i’ve kept in my mouth; i am always bleeding out. take me to war, honey, i dare you. i’ll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you. give me a fight i can’t resist, give me something to break with my fists. take me to war, honey, i dare you. i watched a weed usurp the garden, and it poisoned the rest of the crops; it would take days of fighting stubborn roots to tear the whole damn thing out; so i will leave it where it’s standing, and instead i will find me a match; i’ll turn it all to kindling, i’ll burn it all down to ash. all of the ire i’ve swallowed, all of the coals that still sit in my gut; i am always burning up. take me to war, honey, i dare you. i’ll be the sweetest thing to ever scare you. give me a fight i can’t resist, give me something to break with my fists. take me to war, honey, i dare you.

[dawnshe]

mini   character   playlist   :   share   at   least   five   songs   that   remind   you   of   your   muse,   or   that   you   associate   with   your   muse's   character   arc.   including   lyrics   is   optional.

{ Eastward of Eden <————————{ by Amelia Day : Eastward of Eden, where the clouds meet the dirt, we left our poor mother and seeded the earth. Oh, Eastward of Eden, where men become Gods. Few though our people, we toiled as one, the fruits of our labors thrived under the sun. Our children, they spread to outnumber the stars. Oh, Eastward of Eden, where day turns to dark

{ Take me to War <———————{ by The Crane Wives : They will consume your sweet resistance and they'll carry your heart in their teeth, but I am always feeding them the ugliest parts of me. All of the words I've swallowed, all of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth. I am always bleeding out

{ King <----------------{ by Lauren Aquilina : You've got it all. You lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more. You can reclaim your crown. You're in control. Rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed. You can be king. You've got it all. You lost your mind in the sound. There's so much more. You can reclaim your crown. You're in control. Rid of the monsters inside your head. Put all your faults to bed. You can be king again

{ Forgive the Children We Once Were <———————{ by Delta Rae : For love, for dreams in the night. For days to come when we'd be all right. I can't remember why I did the things I did. I was just a kid. All our lives we feel this young. Sorry for the things we should have done. Sorry for the kids we pushed too far. Sorry now for all the lonely hearts who can't move on.

{ Ghosts <————————-{ by Mariah Rose Faith : I've been changin. Tryna sort my thoughts around. Courage shakin', 'Cause the whispers got too loud. Father, father, Turn my trust around. And please help me. Fight these ghosts surrounding me. Past rivals, Surely got the best of me, mhm

tagged by my heart ( aka i was tagged on another blog and had to do it here too ) tagging YOU steal it! tag me!

[jesterofwords]

Daily Crane Wives Quotes: #28

"They will consume your sweet resistance

And they'll carry your heart in their teeth

But I am always feeding them

The ugliest parts of me"

-Take Me To War, The Crane Wives

[sporkberries]

Currently THE kaz song for me lyrics under the cut

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might There are no stones at my disposal There's no God to award me a crown But I am always swinging at Somebody I can't knock down

All of the fire I've swallowed All of the sparks that went dark in my gut I am always burning up

Dress me in red and throw your roses And I'll rankle the beasts with words It's a graceless dance of epithets We learn to make someone hurt They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me

All of the words I've swallowed All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth I am always bleeding out

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you

I watched a weed usurp the garden And it poisoned the rest of the crops It would take days of fighting stubborn roots To tear the whole damn thing out So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash

All of the ire I've swallowed All of the coals that still sit in my gut I am always burning up

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you

[dwellordream]

Dress me in red and throw your roses

And I'll rankle the beasts with words

It's a graceless dance of epithets

We learn to make someone hurt

They will consume your sweet resistance

And they'll carry your heart in their teeth

But I am always feeding them

The ugliest parts of me

[subsequentibis]

I’ve earned myself a reputation

That my bark is much worse than my bite

But I keep snapping at Goliath’s hands

With all of my tiny might

little rat bastard. i love and hate him in equal measure

edit: tumblr destroyed the image quality on these pls click to view better

[rozugold]

They will consume your sweet resistance

And they'll carry your heart in their teeth

But I am always feeding them

The ugliest parts of me

[lemon-lady0]

take me to war by the crane wives is so Izzy core are you kidding me?????

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might There are no stones at my disposal There's no God to award me a crown But I am always swinging at Somebody I can't knock down

All of the fire I've swallowed All of the sparks that went dark in my gut I am always burning up

Dress me in red and throw your roses And I'll rankle the beasts with words It's a graceless dance of epithets We learn to make someone hurt They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me

All of the words I've swallowed All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth I am always bleeding out

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you

I watched a weed usurp the garden And it poisoned the rest of the crops It would take days of fighting stubborn roots To tear the whole damn thing out So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash

All of the ire I've swallowed All of the coals that still sit in my gut I am always burning up

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Okay now for something niche

Take Me to War by the Crane Wives is perfect for Mai as the rosebride in the Ohtori Academy au I have.

All of the fire i've swallowed

All of the sparks that went dark in my gut

I am always burning up

Dress me in red and throw your roses

And i'll wrangle the beast with words

It's a graceless dance of epithets

We learn to make someone hurt

They will consume your sweet resistence

And they'll carry your heart in their teeth

But i am always feeding them

The ugliest parts of me

All of the words i've swallowed

All of the sharp things i've kept in my mouth

I am always bleeding out

[kylorengarbagedump]

Defy Your Authority: Chapter 3

Read on AO3. Part 2 here. Part 4 here.

Summary: You always hated tagging along on boys' night.

Words: 3300

Warnings: tw//kassanovella

Characters: Kylo Ren x Reader

A/N: HI LOOK AT ME I GOT THIS OUT IN TIME. I did indeed test positive for COVID so this was wrought through my fatigue--and may be why there is a delay for the next chapter. We'll see!

I hope y'all enjoyed this. I am doing my best to respond to all the feedback, but I'm like... so tired LMFAO. Thank you so much for your support and engagement. It literally means the world to me and is so encouraging.

I love you. ❤️

It didn’t matter how many times you told yourself to calm down. Your pulse bounded like a rabbit, every thump a reminder of your tightening chest. The walls of the Steadfast washed past in black-silver blurs, your mind wild with fear. Hux’s words replayed over and over, a cruel broadcast in your brain. Requests for response from the officers stationed there have gone unanswered. 

Realistically, that could mean anything. Pessimistically, everyone was dead and you were homeless.

The thought of losing your crew weakened your knees. For four months, they’d been your solace and something akin to a family. Not like you’d had other real options on that little butthole of a planet--but you’d gotten lucky. You’d made a home out of Orinda; a home where you’d planned to return. 

Lip pinched in thought, you joined Kylo in a new turbolift, crossing to the corner again as if he were a disease you wanted to avoid. You folded your arms over your chest, stared at your shoes. If you were homeless, it was anyone’s guess as to what you’d do or where you’d go next. It was clear that your supposed… whatever he was didn’t care for your presence. 

Leather gloves scrunched in the silence. The lift arrived, and he stormed off, in expectation that you’d follow. You rolled your eyes, trailing behind him, allowing the need that had burgeoned between your thighs to deflate. 

He’d said he would punish you. But you couldn’t think of a punishment worse than going four more months without his touch. 

Kylo broke through another set of blast doors into the hangar, officers and Stormtroopers alike snapping to attention in his presence. If he noticed or cared, it didn’t show--he pushed through the quiet floor, furious stride carrying him toward one of the ugliest ships you’d ever seen. 

Black durasteel panels formed a long, cylindrical frame, the bow outfitted with a row of rakish teeth and bordered by two guiding flaps. The engines looped like two smooth bricks at the stern of the vessel, the two ends connected by rows of external piping and guarded by a sprinkle of gunning stations. Its blocky build bore a resemblance to a prison transport--if that prison transport was then modified by an eager, unsophisticated halfwit. 

He climbed the descended ramp in thundering strides, and you skulked in his wake, only to be greeted with one of the mercenaries you’d seen earlier. You paused, but Kylo passed the soldier, marching toward the stern and abandoning you in the main corridor. The man--at least, you were fairly certain he was a man--wore a mask embedded with breathing tubes, a huge, heavy club in his hands. The weight of his gaze anchored you to the floor. He said nothing.

“Uhm…” You tried to find an introduction, but none seemed appropriate. Grimacing, you offered him a half-hearted salute. “Sir.”

The man did not respond. Face burning, you scurried into the ship, hot on Kylo’s heels. 

Few lights rimmed the interior of the vessel, your only guide the resonant thump of his boots along the durasteel slats. It was as dim as it was dank--the deeper you delved, the heavier the air. It was sticky with the stench of war, weighed with iron and brimmed with smoke. And underneath that, a scent you’d only describe as one owned by a pack of panting massiffs.

A chill crept over your scalp. This ship was empty of kindness, barren of mercy. You didn’t need the Force to know that nothing good had ever happened within these walls.

Your fear had you scampering to keep pace. Kylo led you through a flickering hall and turned a corner, swiped a switch. A set of blast doors opened to sharp steps, another pair of doors at the top. Those parted as you approached, light spilling from the Steadfast hangar through wide slats of red transparisteel. You’d arrived in the cockpit.

Six chairs lined the wrap-around dashboard. Two as pilot seats, two positioned at gunning and weapons systems, and two plugged toward the back, each in front of a monitoring station. One seemed to handle communications--or lack thereof, the radio receivers and wiring were all almost entirely torn out--and the other dedicated to internal surveillance. At the latter, a matrix of screens with live feed of the interior of the ship.

Even through the shadowed halls, you could distinguish a handful of prison cells. Each of them was torn apart, littered with metal scrap and half-shorn weaponry. The walls themselves were adorned with sloppy graffiti, one of them decorated by a mural of a massive, five-legged lizard beast. A huge red beam was bursting through its neck. Within the tiny walls were separate collections of cultured artifacts. You knew enough about war to know they were trophies.

Every room also possessed a rumpled, dirty bed. A flash of hall light near one cell, illuminating notches in the durasteel where the head of the bedframe met the wall. Like the frame had been slammed against it. Over and over and over.

You swallowed. On one of the feeds, a body slipped through the hall like a living shade. Pausing, you watched until it disappeared from view. The sound of footsteps whispered, then hummed, then roared. You spun, seeking out Kylo, finding him by the co-pilot’s chair, and darted into the pilot’s spot as if this was a totally normal occasion and you weren’t on a weird deathship surrounded by his weird death bodyguards.

Kylo turned to gaze at you, and the blast doors opened, stealing his attention. In the frame stood another would-be man, outfitted with a ribbed-weave robe and carting a huge plasma rifle. Filth smothered him from his boots halfway up his legs, and his head was obscured by a helmet, not unlike the one you’d known Kylo to wear. This one had two blinders on either side, like this man was a predator. 

Like he was a hunter.

Whatever fear you felt for him, he certainly did not feel it for you. He glanced between you and Kylo, trying to ascertain the relationship that resulted in your presence.

“She’s in my seat.” His voice was grainy, like glass on stone, distorted underneath his mask.

You held up your hands in deference. “Hey, sorry. I had no idea this was your seat.” You went to stand, frowning at Kylo, who was studying your every movement. Really had to love how helpful he was being.

“Hurry up,” the man said. 

Nodding, you wriggled around the chair with your hands still raised, as if this would offer any form of protection between you and this fully armed guard. He squared his feet and stalked toward the pilot’s seat. You side-stepped him, but he shoulder-checked you despite it, and you stumbled back, wincing. 

“What the f--”

Kylo Ren’s saber screamed to life, slicing a divide between the hunter and the chair. He stalled, fists balled, neck rolling to stare at Kylo. You gulped, rubbing your arm, your eyes flipping between him and the crackling rod of plasma only a foot away from the man’s waist.

“Sir.”

“Careful,” Kylo said.

He snorted. “Of a Lieutenant--”

“Kuruk.”

Kuruk pivoted to you, and you met his stare somewhere behind the shield of metal. Whoever was underneath the helmet was rending you apart in his mind. 

He shrugged his shoulder and looked back to Kylo.

“Excuse me. Sir.”

The saber disappeared, and Kuruk took his seat at the dashboard. You flushed. At least he’d done that much. You snuck to the back of the cockpit, thinking to sit at the surveillance station, but pausing there too. Every one of these seats could have an owner whose name you didn’t know. Glimpsing Kylo, you threw up your hands in confusion.

Kylo caught this, but did not acknowledge it. “Resistance activity was spotted on the scanners. Get Cardo and Trudgen on the turrets. Ushar gunning.”

“Yes, Master.” 

Your eyes widened. Master? 

Kuruk fussed with the dashboard, relaying the information, and you gazed at Kylo, examining his body in the same routine you’d practiced nightly with your hands between your legs. Fuck, he was big--the thick expanse of chest rose with a slow breath, and you watched it fall, then watched his neck tense as he turned, attuned to your observation. Heat rushed your spine when you linked eyes. His jaw stiffened.

“Get in your seat, Lieutenant.”

“Oh,” you replied. “Is this my seat? I didn’t know.” You sank into it, shooting him a wide, sparkling smile. “Thank you, Master.”

Kylo swallowed.

The blast doors opened again, the soldier you’d seen at the entrance bursting through and tromping to a gunner console--you assumed this was Ushar. He tossed his club to the side, flicking on the controls and calibrating the sights. The ship itself bellowed to life, rising from the floor, and you gripped the seat, unable to force your focus from Kylo--just as he was unable to force his from you. 

The two of you were in competition. That much was clear. 

You just couldn’t figure out what the loser would be impaled with--or if that would make them a winner, instead. 

The Buzzard shot into the stars, coasting in a direct path toward Orinda. You broke the staring contest, glimpsing the little planet through the cockpit, pulse picking up again. Requests for response unanswered. Once you got on the ground, you’d go find your crew and make sure they were safe. That’s all you needed to know. Whether or not Kylo wanted you to come back was irrelevant.

You met his gaze again, his irises hiding a storm. Blood bit your cheeks.

Mostly. 

“Nothing detected on the sensors,” said Ushar. 

Kylo glanced at him then turned toward the transparisteel, searing you with a leer before he sat at the dash. You shivered. Whatever you’d done to make him feel this way, his brief glimmers of favor only made it worse. Maybe you did want to fuck him so you could get a chance to figure it out. Or maybe it was just frustrating to know him in ways no one else had while simultaneously knowing almost nothing at all.

The three men operated in silence as you approached Orinda. From space, it seemed normal. With no starcraft popping up, there was a chance it was a false alarm. That it had been a fly-by. You held your breath when you broke the atmosphere, flames whipping the transparisteel. The Buzzard trembled with gravity, diving toward the ground, greens and browns and blues splitting to trees and fields and sea. 

Then a flash of light, smog blooming to life, tiny fires swallowing your narrowing field of vision. Air froze in your lungs, nails biting the hard back of the seat. 

“Fuck.” You launched from the chair, scrambled toward the dashboard. “No, no no…”

Kylo spun to face you, but you ignored him, shoving between the two pilot seats to crane over the console and peer through the transparisteel. 

He stood, looming over you. “Back to your seat.”

His words swum in the tsunami of your mind. The outpost was smothered with smoke. The closer you drew, the dimmer the horizon, until the Buzzard landed on the border of the eruption, the entire sky encompassed with billowing black fog. Every muscle in your chest felt like wire around your ribs, forcing the breath from your lungs. You shook your head, hands starting to tremble.

They were out there. They could be dead. 

The blast doors opened, and you whirled to leave, but Kylo caught your shoulder and stilled you. 

“What the--”

“Gather the rest,” Kylo said. He was speaking to Ushar. “Spread out and secure the perimeter.”

Ushar nodded, grabbed his club, and disappeared down the steps. Huffing, you wrenched yourself free from Kylo’s grip and stomped toward the exit only to be paralyzed by a very familiar nothing. You growled, unable to even make a fist.

“Dude!”

“You will remain on board the Buzzard until I return.”

The fact you couldn’t turn to look him in the eye made you even angrier. “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” you said. “That’s my crew. They’re my responsibility.”

“Stand down.”

You snorted. “Hell no.”

Two long, slow steps brought him behind you. His presence consumed you like a black hole, crushing you in darkness. 

His chest met your back. “Every one of your little quips has gone unchallenged.” Another step, and his mouth fell to your ear. “Do not test me here.”

Warmth flooded your thighs. If he didn’t like being challenged in front of his soldiers, he shouldn’t have put you all in the same space. His own fault. 

“I don’t care,” you said. “These are my crew members. You don’t know them. I do. Let me go.”

“No.”

“Why are you even doing this?” you said. “You’re the one who fucking brought me here!”

A pause. Silence settled between you, the only sounds the distant noise of destruction and your anxious, heaving breath. You heard him exhale.

“Kuruk,” he said. “Scout and support.”

Behind you, Kuruk stood, followed by the metal click of him grappling his rifle. You watched, stuck to your spot, as he charged through the cockpit and down the steps. The blast doors to the stairs shut behind him. Then the ones to the cockpit. And you two were alone.

Kylo snarled, snatched your throat--he was a swoop of rage, swiveling and slamming your back to the wall. You seethed, squirming under his grip, unable to hide the smirk curling on your lips as you tried to pry his wrist away. He subsumed you like a star subsumed space, bright hot and pure, and you were a simple nothingness, addicted to his heat.

“You think you have earned my submission,” he muttered. “You have not.”

You wheezed, gazing into his eyes, finding an electric spark of hunger and fury within them. Four months without this had been far, far too long. As long as he was treating you like a stranger, you didn’t want to give in. But that wouldn’t stop you from making this torture for him, too.

“Then what have I earned,” you purred, “Master?”

He sucked in air through his teeth, pinning your body flat--his chest rolled with excitement, his voice raked over lust. “The further you push me, the worse your earnings.”

You bit your lip, bucking your hips against his, feeling a growing bulge between his legs. “You’re ridiculous.” You’d thought he’d wanted you to go to Orinda. Maybe you’d been wrong. “What, is this because I left?”

A huff. “No.”

“Then I don’t get it.” You rolled your pelvis into him again, and he jerked forward, crushing you to the wall. “Why don’t you want me around? What did I do?”

Kylo shifted, panting into your neck, his mouth centimeters from your skin. “Not what you did,” he said, clutching your throat tighter. “What you saw. It will not happen again.”

Some bit of that stung. You saw inside of his mind. “You act like I made you admit it!” It was difficult to speak under the pressure of his palm. “You could’ve just let me go.”

“Hm.” His hand squeezed, and he dragged his hardening bulge along your thigh. “Perhaps I should have.”

So that’s what this was about. Whatever had happened, he’d decided that what he’d shared with you was weakness. And being Supreme Leader meant he couldn’t be weak. Meant he couldn’t have room or time for you. All you were was a living regret. 

Frowning, you glared at him, driving your thumbs into the meat of his wrist and throwing his hand from your neck. 

“Yeah,” you said, shoving him back. “Perhaps you should’ve.” His eye twitched. A screeching blast broke the air, and you tensed. “I’m going to find my crew.”

You stalked out of the cockpit, blast doors parting for you as you hit the stairs and cut through the halls back to exit the Buzzard. It was one thing to abandon you. One thing to make you leave. One thing to act like he’d never held you, kissed you, or whispered your name. 

But it was an entirely other thing to imply he wished it never would’ve happened. The thought pierced your heart, and you steeled your jaw, tried to pull the pain free. You didn’t have time to play Kylo Ren’s newest Game of Repressed Emotion. You had friends to find. 

The ramp to the Buzzard was already down, and you hurried to the ground, smacked with the scent of blazing fuel. Embered ash battered your eyes, and you coughed, covering your face with your arm. Under the wailing wind of heat, you heard Kylo approaching the exit, so you trudged toward the outpost, seeking out any hint of life.

“Tonis!” Your voice was eaten by the flames. “Mirna! Lin!” Narrowing your gaze to protect it, you pushed toward the hangar, knowing that if they were anywhere, they’d be there. 

Sweat crawled down your nape, scattering over your lower back as you drew nearer to the fire. The mercenaries were nowhere to be found, but you supposed that was okay, since they didn’t seem very fond of you regardless. The hangar was beyond the completely engulfed fueling station and therefore impossible to see, but as you curved around the fire, you could discern slivers of it. Edges of the building, and then whole sections.

And your stomach dropped.

Another couple of steps, only to discover the hangar scorched, collapsed in on itself like a shattered greenhouse. You stopped a scream and bolted, careening toward the wreckage to see if you could find anyone or anything among the debris. Thick durasteel girders stuck out of the heap like nails, the ridged ceiling crumpled in pieces and mirroring the fire’s light.

“Tonis!” Your back burned from the heat, but you didn’t care. You tried to find a way in, a way to pull something apart, a way to find someone. “Mirna!” You grabbed a huge wooden beam, hands slipping on the soot, but you fruitlessly tugged anyway. “Lin!”

A ragged shard of wood ripped your palm, and you shrieked, cradling it to your breast in shock. Cursing, you left the mass alone, following the foundation around the corner, hoping against hope they escaped out of the back and were huddled behind the hangar. You approached the corner, calling their names, louder and louder. They weren’t coming to meet you. Again, and louder, and you turned the corner, pleading with the Force that they’d be there.

Of course, they weren’t. 

In front of you was a cluster of discarded starship parts, all outdated or malfunctioned or busted. It was a collection you’d gathered since you’d arrived--arranged and created when more parts were added. Each fragment was unique, and when building it with your crew, it sometimes resembled a sculpture. Under the clouds of smoke, it looked like a pile of junk. 

Growling, you rushed it, kicking the base and sending it all tumbling to the ground. Your furious hands found purchase and hurled whatever they had grabbed to pieces. A scream shook your chest, and you jammed your foot against a solar array panel, cracking it in half. Underneath, you found an old, pretty fuelcell splinter. You grabbed it in your bloody hand and hissed, pulverizing it with your fist. Grunting, you threw the dust into the air, watching as the firewind ate it all.

You heard the rustle of grass behind you. Your shoulders sagged.

“There are no signatures of life remaining at this station.”

Sighing, you turned to Kylo. He was watching you, face blank.

“Yeah.” You wiped your palm on your pant leg, smearing it with blood. “I know.”

His eyes flicked to your hand for the shortest, sharpest moment. Then he met your eyes. “The silencer is still in need of repair.”

You frowned, averting your gaze. “I don’t want your pity.”

“You’d prefer to sleep outside in melted trash.”

“Maybe.” You shrugged a shoulder, crossed your arms. “Dumpster fire and all that.”

Kylo Ren held you in his stare, cape fluttering and hair rumpled in the breeze. Tears stung your eyes. You wanted nothing more than to run into his arms.

“Come.” 

He turned the corner. Clearing your throat of sadness, you followed him. You allowed him to guide you through the devastation, past the flames, and up the ramp until you were safe in the Buzzard cockpit. And then he left, likely to gather his men before departure.

And then you were alone.

[monachopsissssss]

In 'take me to war' the lyrics of the first verse are

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at Goliath's hands With all of my tiny might There are no stones at my disposal There's no God to award me a crown But I am always swinging at Somebody I can't knock down

which isnt very dainix. but what my brain heard when i listend was

I've earned myself a reputation That my bark is much worse than my bite But I keep snapping at the lion's hands With all of my time and might There are no stones at my disposal There's no God to award me a crown But I am always swinging at Somebody I can knock down

which is slightly more dainix. the 'no god to award me a crown' being him out of the desert, kind of an ironicness because Caliban IS there and very involved with his character arc, but still the same feeling of being like far away from his home. idk.

Dress me in red and throw your roses And I'll rankle the beasts with words It's a graceless dance of epithets We learn to make someone hurt They will consume your sweet resistance And they'll carry your heart in their teeth But I am always feeding them The ugliest parts of me

All of the words I've swallowed All of the sharp things I've kept in my mouth I am always bleeding out

the ''sress me in red and throw your roses'' is the fighting in the arena being entertainment for other people. ''it's a gracless dance of epithets we learn to make someone hurt" because he is expected to kill the people he fights.

the "all of the words i've swalllowed all of the sharp things i kept in my mouth" is him trying not to break and let the fire consume him etc etc

Take me to war Honey, I dare you I'll be the sweetest thing To ever scare you Give me a fight I can't resist Give me something to break with my fists Take me to war Oh, honey, I dare you

I see this as kind of him continuing to fight and challenging the arena master. yaknow.

I watched a weed usurp the garden And it poisoned the rest of the crops It would take days of fighting stubborn roots To tear the whole damn thing out So I will leave it where it's standing And instead I will find me a match I'll turn it all to kindling I'll burn it all down to ash

This part gets even more interpety, but i imagine the weed being his whole demon situation. the "so i will leave it where it's standing" is him finally not being able to control it. Burning the ''weed'' is like what he said in the comic "if i burn, i cant hurt them anymore"

You get what i mean?

MINA IT IS MIDNIGHT HERE AND YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THE BRAINROT ,,,,,,,, oh my GODwishing i could do animatics.. you are SO right though. oh god yeah that dose make alot of sense. i think i was focus ing more on the delivery of the lines but yeah no. those lyrics. dainix.