#in the yard even bc i just toss biodegradables into the yard for creatures and critters | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trujellyfish · 2 months

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so my jam didnt really turn out but i wasnt raised to be okay with food waste so instead of being like "okay learning experience what do i do next time" i called my sister to have a 3hr conversation to prevent delay the shame spiral.

hopefully when i have pancakes tomorrow i will be pleasantly surprised. hopefully.....

#now she's gone to bed and im.#thinking abt how i may have to throw out this jam #and i KNOW if it was someone else i'd be like 'its okay blah blah blah'#but its not someone else its me and i failed and i hate throwing out food #it makes me miserable right down to my bones #filled with disgust at myself #its my first time making jam its okay to fuck up but its NOT okay to throw out food #i made potato chips yesterday and burned a portion #they were pretty gross #how do i know? bc i forced myself to eat them bc the idea of throwing them out #in the yard even bc i just toss biodegradables into the yard for creatures and critters #but even just the idea of just tossing them instead of eating them made me feel nauseous #i would rather eat gross food than throw it out #i dont think thats healthy #like im okay with throwing food into the yard bc compost #idk how compost works sometimes i worry that doing that is bad too #but i figure its okay itll decompose the worms will like it if no one else #its not really good to feed wildlife but anywayyyyy #but even with all that reassuring me i cant. just.#its like how i dont like buying things for ppl bc what if they dont like it #then i have less money than before and it wasnt even worth it bc they didnt like it #'now u know for next time' doesnt give me a refund #'now u know' doesnt unburn these potatoes #severely fucked up a pie crust once. inedible garbage.#my mom was like 'its okay just try again i'll help this time'#but i was in fucking tears because its not like i can deconstruct it and reuse all that sugar butter and flour!!!#'its okay we can buy more' i dont feel good about that either!!! now we're spending money bc i fucked up!!!#if someone else spills milk i mop it up and pour them a new glass #if i spill milk i Will cry about it and should probably be physically restrained for a bit #i break a glass? whatever. drop food in the dirt? i Will eat it.

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