#in the way that you can

[pynkhues]

I don’t know if you’re a Taylor Swift fan but is it weird that I relate my emotionally abusive relationship with my stepdad to would’ve, could’ve, should’ve? Like I know that it’s very obviously about her relationship with John Mayer and like obviously not all of it is relatable but like in general it feels therapeutic to sing but I feel like that’s kind of dumb since it’s about a romantic relationship?

I know some of it I’m twisting the obvious meaning. Like 19 was when I got to leave and when I finally got out and free but I also started to process how angry I was so that pain was heaven. And like before him I did wonder what it was like to have a family with two incomes and a house with a yard but after him I do wish I would have never found out. And like I know when she’s talking about girlhood she’s most likely talking about virginity but like for me it was my childhood and who I could have been if he’d never been in my life.

My apologies, this is such a weird ask. I’m just trying to sleep and am spiraling instead, lol. You always give such thoughtful answers and since you don’t know me I feel like I’d really trust your take to be honest but if this is too heavy or weird pls feel free to ignore. Have such a great weekend! 🖤

You don't have to apologise at all, anon! I totally get it - in fact, absolute confessional, haha - but Forgiveness by Paramore is the song for me when it comes to my relationship with my dad, even though I know the song itself it's about a cheating partner.

I think what's amazing about storytelling (which is ultimately what lyric writing is) is that it's meaning becomes mutable. As soon as it's told, it no longer belongs to the author. Storytelling, at it's heart, is collaboration and community, because people are able to interpret it, to bring their own experiences to it, to derive meaning from it that's unique to them, and that's a huge part of what makes art - - well, art.

That's the beauty of it! Our experience of art is subjective, and it should be. We are creatures of habit, of history, of hubris, and however we experience something will be true to us, even if it's not something that feels true to others.

But more to the point of your ask, I think it's pretty normal for songs like that one to resonate on deeper levels, because regardless of what the relationship itself was, the themes below it of manipulation and feeling exploited and losing childhood, resonate in many very different types of relationship. We tend to stress, I think, romantic or sexual connections, in narrative - whether that be in art or tabloid or news - but the reality is relationships take a lot of different shapes and forms, and they're often complicated regardless, and unfortunately, a lot of the time this behaviour is broad.

You take what you get, and sometimes feeling your way out of a difficult platonic relationship means belting out the lyrics to a song about a romantic one. Embrace it! The only way out is through.

I'm sorry about your stepdad though. Families are complicated, and I hope you're okay. <3