#in the few days its been active my friend who got me on the damn thing blocked me w/o a word

[my-own-walker]

Hiya!!!! I was wondering if you do peter maximoff smut? 😅😅😅 If you do, I have a request-but if you don't maybe you could make it like Tate or Kyle? <3

I was wondering if you could do something like Peter (if you can) like using his vibrations and going down on the reader(fem!) while making her read her smutty diary entries about him after he read what was in it? :) THANK YOU BESTIE MWAHHH

I Warned You

note: forgive me if this sucks. my emotions have been all over the past few days and i burned the FUCK out of my hand last night.

warnings: sm*t, oral f receiving, peter being a slut, etc

+++

It was a rather oppressive day, heat-wise. One of those sticky hot, thighs chafing, greasy bangs days. The sun shined down in a hazy way on the neighborhood I lived in. As I sat there in my denim shorts and big t-shirt, I reminisced on the days of summer as a child. How I'd spend them with my best friend, Peter.

He was the first person I met when I moved here. I was two, to be fair, so I don't remember much of it all. He's always been a permanent fixture in my life. Someone who was just...always there.

He lived next door. Just like a cliche movie. We would ride bikes and draw on the ground with sidewalk chalk together. He was my second-grade boyfriend. He decided to ‘ask me out’ on the last day of school. He learned in school how to say 'I love you,' in sign language just before he asked to hold my hand on the playground on that day in June. He signed it any chance he could. When his mom drove us home in her minivan that day, he held up the sign. Our little secret.

That summer was pure childhood bliss. Innocence. We really didn't 'break up,' per se. When we entered the third grade that September it was just mutual that we had crushes on other kids. We still stayed friends. I'd hang out at his house after school every day until my parents got home. When the weather was warm, I'd sit outside on my porch waiting for him after dinner. Then, like clockwork, we'd find something to do.

As we got older our activities changed. He taught me how to skateboard. I taught him how to trespass on the baseball fields that were tucked down a back street in our neighborhood. We'd swing on this old tire swing over the stream that ran through our backyards.

In our sophomore year of high school, he bought an old car with dreams to fix it up. A 1965 Ford Mustang. It was rusty, beat up, and had no engine. The windshield was shattered and the inside wasn't upholstered. The only working part of it was its radio. When I walked out of my front door on the day he brought it home, he slapped it on its hood, proudly declaring, 'I'm gonna take you to prom in this thing, baby!' We sat in the old thing all afternoon listening to the radio.

I had known about his abilities the whole time. I never got into foot races with him as a kid for that reason. He would beat me every time. Peter had it under control, for the most part, but only when he wanted to. He started getting brazen with it as a teenager. He'd take me on these wild adventures where he'd steal things. The first time it was just some candy from a convenience store. By the time he got that damned car, he was stealing entire carburetors. These trips took all of 2 minutes. Just the two of us speeding off to create havoc.

Somewhere along the way I fell in love with him. Or maybe it wasn't even that. I can't remember a time when I didn't love him. It changed, though. I started to feel things toward him I'd never felt before. When he'd hold my head to prevent me from getting whiplash as we were making our hasty escapes from his escapades, I'd find chills would run up my spine.

Our beautiful little romance blossomed once he finally got his Mustang up and running. Not that he needed it, really. He was leagues faster than any car. He just wanted to be able to transport more things. And his new girlfriend. We started dating in junior year. He had just gotten his license and took me on a ride one night. We parked down a backstreet in our town and our lips finally met. At long last, his fast fingers were allowed to explore my body in a way I had never allowed him to before. It was wonderful, awkward, and hungry. Everything a teenage love affair should be.

He ended up taking me to the prom in that car, just as he'd promised. He looked so smart in his little tux. We spent that entire summer simply enraptured with each other. Our hangouts transformed from outdoor antics to being tangled in my bed, fan on max speed, windows open to hear the mourning doves sing outside. I can still smell the fresh summer air and the smell of him combining to make something all-encompassing and intoxicating.

It was the next summer on this very hot day. Peter and I had been dating for a year. He was away, hanging out with his friends or something. I was home alone. I sat there on my porch, diary resting lazily on my lap, staring off at the hanging 'FOR SALE,' sign on my yard in front of me . I switched between twirling my pen in my hands and chewing the end of it, deep in thought.

It was always the deal in my house. As soon as I graduated, as the youngest kid in my family, we'd move away again. My parents weren't happy with the town. They knew I had made my life there, but a deal was a deal. I couldn't imagine a life without Peter.

When the sign went up on my front lawn, I began a diary. I was never a writer. I was horrible at keeping up with writing entries in a tiny book. But knowing my life was about to change, I began scratching down every small detail about my life. My time in this house. My childhood. My life with Peter. It was a passion project. I wanted to document everything so I'd never forget.

Peter interrupted my deep inner turmoil. Well, not exactly him. His loud-ass car pulled up, parking in the driveway next door. He stepped out of the car singing, keys jingling in his hands. Like clockwork, his head turned to see if I was on my porch. Our routine since we were kids. In a flash, he was sitting next to me.

'Hey pretty,' he breathed, kissing me gently on my cheek.

'Hey Peter,' I smiled, looking up at him. Whenever he was near me I couldn't help but get wrapped up in him. Swept away in his deep brown eyes and sea of silver hair. There was a palpable feeling between the two of us. Dancing around the topic of me moving away, even though the signs were all around us, literally. It was a tension that colored every moment of our time together, yet we tried in earnest to ignore it.

'Whatcha got there?' he asked, half-taunting, as he usually did.

'Oh, haha,' I blushed, clapping the book shut and tucking the pen inside. 'It's nothing, just a planner.'

'A planner? Y/L/N, when have you ever been the type to schedule things?' he scoffed. 'Gimme that.' He lunged for the diary. I curled my body up tight into a ball, the book nestled safely between my lap and chest. My arms secured it even further.

'Peter! Stop it! I gotta get my shit together,' I whined. 'Like, plan out packing!'

'Packing for what?' he asked sarcastically, still trying in vain to pry the diary from my grasp. In his desperation, he attempted the only trick he had left to get me to let go. He started tickling my sides. It was a surefire way to piss me off, but also to get me to let go. The diary clattered to the ground as I stood up quickly to get away from his hands tickling me at light speed. He paused for a moment to grab the diary off the ground.

'Hey, thanks!' he exclaimed, taking off in a flash inside my house, leaving only the wind behind to prove he was there.

I clamored inside behind him, calling after him as I stumbled up the stairs. He was already laying on my bed, on his side, reading my diary entries when I got to my room.

‘DON’T read those!’ I panted in vain. ‘They’re so bad!’

‘Oh, these little stories?’ he smirked, looking up only with his eyes. ‘I think they’re pretty good.’

My cheeks burned hot. I stepped into the room and slammed the door shut. He held the book up closer to his face and squinted. ‘Peter, please, I’m warning you,’ I pleaded.

‘His tongue slid into me. All of my insides felt warm and tingly…’ he read out.

‘OH MY GOD NO!’ I rushed over to him, trying to pry my diary out of his hands. I was on the bed on my knees doing what I could to get my embarrassing writing back. He and his super speed, though, had other plans. I gave up after minutes of trying, tired of grabbing at a person that wasn’t even there by the time my hands reached him. He stopped his motion and was right back where he started on my bed.

‘I think I got what I needed,’ he smirked. ‘Let me review the highlights with you…’

He moved quickly, without using his super speed, to lay me down my my back. I didn’t object. He was always gentle with me, careful not to use his speed unless I asked him to. Peter hated anything that took a long time, but with me he always had patience. Well, unless it was taking my clothes off.

Peter worked quickly to get every inch of fabric off my body. His smooth hands rubbed all over my skin as he kissed me passionately. He stopped to pick up the diary that had been discarded to the side on my bed.

‘Let’s see…’ he muttered, pinning my shoulder down with one hand, his legs straddling my lap. ‘He spread my legs slowly…okay I can do that.’

The diary was once again dropped so he could part my thighs. His hot breath hovered over my weeping cunt.

‘Right, right, then the tongue part,’ he reminded himself. He kissed all along the insides of my thighs, eventually making contact with my middle. My toes curled and my breath hitched. I was ready for what he was about to do. He slipped his tongue into me and my eyes rolled back. He flicked his tongue over my clit, making me yelp out.

He separated himself from me to grab my diary again.

‘You’re gonna have to read this next part, Y/N, I’m a little preoccupied here,’ he instructed. He passed the book into my shaking hands. I didn’t even have the energy to protest. I just wanted to feel his warmth within me again. His mouth reconnected with my pussy.

‘H-his abilities came in handy when giving me head,’ I panted. ‘He can do this thing- thi- this thing where he vibrates.’ I could only choke out so much in my pleasure.

I felt him take a few deep breaths before beginning to vibrate at sonic speed. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. The first time he did it, I thought I would just about die. He pulled away for a moment.

‘Keep reading,’ he breathed. I whimpered, shaking hands once again opening the diary. He reconnected with my middle again and I let out a loud moan.

‘He kn-knows how to make m-me purr like a kitten. There’s n-nothing like it,’ I sputtered out.

I didn’t have much left in me. He, acting as my own personal vibrator, brought me to my limit. I came with a loud yelp, laughing immediately after. Peter stopped vibrating and laid on top of me, his face meeting mine.

‘You are SUCH a dick, Maximoff,’ I giggled.

‘I thought it was sexy, how you write about me and all,’ Peter shrugged. He peppered kisses all over my face and neck as we both caught our breath. For a fleeting moment, nothing in the world mattered. All we cared about was each other. For a moment, I wasn’t moving away. It was us and us only. ‘You’re a million miles away, beautiful. What’s wrong?’

Snapping out of my trance, I planted a kiss on his lips. ‘Nothing at all, Peter. Just really ready for round two,’ I smirked.

+++

I really enjoyed this one. Thank you so much for this request! I promise I’ll write more this week. It’s been cray cray on my end.

[tenebriskukris]

Oshi No Ko Chapter 157 - My Thoughts/Analysis

Terribly paced chapters really do seem like the bread and butter of this manga for the past few chapters, so the less said about that the better. Let’s get down to business. As always, spoilers for Oshi No Ko 157 below.

The chapter starts off with a pseudo(?) timeskip? Or a series of flashbacks detailing Ruby’s concerts as an idol. One of the larger pitfalls this series has displayed over the various chapters is its inability to both keep a consistent timeline as well as communicate said timeline to the viewer. This would be fine for a series that doesn’t ground itself as heavily as reality as Oshi No Ko, but the massive number of timeskips and large number of events that happen offscreen really make that an annoyance for the reader. 

Another thing that sort of irks me: Showing off these B-Komachi concerts. It’s a shame we never got to see more of them in detail. Kana unfortunately hogged the spotlight during their first public concert, and we never got to see Ruby or Mem’s emotions about performing and being an idol when on stage in more detail. A shame too, since out of the three members Kana is fundamentally the only one of the three who simply is not an idol—she’s an actor. She has the least emotional investment out of the trio about the job and her feelings on it are less about being an idol itself and more about being an idol to get into Aqua’s pants.

And we’re finally back with the twins. Are we going to get any important details on the status of their relationship or the plot or is the manga going to focus on something else? Judging from the first few panels of them interacting it looks like it’s going to be a more casual chapter. 

It’s your first day off in a while. You may want to take a breather with your friends. And the way Ruby and Aqua smile at each other…damn. Makes my heart go all gooey seeing it. How long has it been since we’ve seen Aqua smile? It implicitly conveys to the reader that there’s nowhere else Ruby would rather be than with Aqua at this moment since free time is such a luxury for people in their lines of business.

Aqua drying Ruby’s hair!!! He remembered!!! Interlude 4 seems like such a long time ago. Heavens only know where that takes place on the timeline now that we’ve flashed forward so much since then and without much to ground the reader. 

Is being an idol…fun? This is an interesting question from Aqua. My first impression is that he isn’t really asking Ruby if being an idol is fun—Ruby being an idol is something we’ve seen her actively enjoy and pursue throughout the series. It shouldn’t be a fact that he has to clarify directly with her.

Perhaps what’s hidden underneath his words is: Is being an idol fun after everything that’s happened? Namely, all the stuff that Ruby’s experienced in becoming an idol? I don’t need to turn to read further to already know that it’s a resounding yes. Now that she has Aqua next to her and supporting her—she doesn’t have any hangups. Her own revenge scheme to avenge both Ai and Goro has been fulfilled—even though I have plenty of issues on how it was basically shoved down the readers’ throats offscreen and not enough screentime for it to feel organic—and the person she’s spent her entire new life looking for has been by her side and is now supporting her. There isn’t much more that she could ask for.

Of course, this could also be touching up on something that we saw in Chapter 123: Namely, the fact that Ruby described being an idol as difficult—and not always fun. For all that Ruby enjoys being an idol, it’s still not something that can be considered easy by any means. With enough experience and the right people around her, the process of performing as an idol and all its ups and downs becomes easier, but I don’t think it ever becomes easy. The amount of restrictions that any person with sufficient popularity has in the western world is already suffocating—and it’s even more draconian in Japan where idols are under much more scrutiny than the average Hollywood movie star.

Everything that Ruby did in order to avenge Ai and Goro also slot nicely into this. Ruby going to such great lengths to achieve popularity isn’t something that I see her pursuing unless she was driven by revenge. While playing the industry game is a skill that isn’t widely advertised to anyone that’s looking to get their foot in the door—it certainly isn’t something that can be discounted for anyone within the industry itself. For all the “critiques” that the series has about the idol industry at large, it never quite seems to quite remember that the idol industry is still an industry. Those who can achieve more success than others in similar positions will obviously be able to shine brighter than the rest.

I do wonder though…how much did Ai do behind the scenes to reach the heights of popularity? Ruby was able to achieve success by going beyond what was expected for her as a sheer idol and gaining popularity via playing the industry game—but we never quite get to see how Ai was able to do the same. The obvious answer is that she basically followed in similar paths that Ruby took—since Ichigo was there to advise her—to achieve that level of popularity in a more moderate manner. Just a thought.

It’s also curious to see that Ruby’s mentioning performing at the Dome. Obviously this is setting up what we’ve already seen in the earlier interview flashforwards—a topic that should definitely get a hell of a lot more screentime and quality than the horribly executed Aqua-Hikaru confrontation—but there’s also the fact that we don’t know when exactly B-Komachi’s going to be performing at the Dome. My first instinct is before Kana graduates but at this point who knows. The series and its inability to convey timescales strikes again.

An ordinary day like this is also wonderful as long as you’re here with me. And Aqua smiling again after Ruby says that? Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think we’ve seen the other girls make Aqua smile. I could be completely wrong though, but I don’t want to spend my limited time reading through over 150 chapters in this mid-ass manga just to confirm it. Still, it’s a very cute moment in my book. Aqua definitely could use some more happiness in his life.

A series of snippets of them cooking for Miyako and spending time together. Very cute and domestic. That’s a two page spread of them lying together close to the ending panel, too. And with the same effects as Chapter 143? It’s a cute little touch and reminder that we still haven’t shown Aqua’s reaction to that entire mess. The authors aren’t slick for that detail—I’d much rather have confirmation as to the nature of their relationship rather than leave it hanging in between the margins for readers with less reading comprehension.

The chapter ends with a Miyako appearance commenting on how close the twins are. Nice to finally see her back. I was waiting for the plot hammer to drop during this entire chapter and for something to happen. This chapter almost screams the calm before the storm.

All in all, this was a decent chapter to see after the clusterfuck that were the previous ones—in a vacuum. There’s nothing wrong with a chapter whose only purpose is to take a breather, but placing it just after the key reveals given a few chapters back is just bad form all around. Really, this couldn’t have been done before the massive flashback we got a couple chapters ago? Hell, it would’ve even been slightly better placing this one before said massive flashback and the movie screening since this chapter actually gives dates on its first few pages. Give that sense of time passing, y’know? It’s not like there are a thousand other plot relevant points that need to get touched up on and were shunted offscreen—or were promptly discarded.

That said, it’s so utterly hilarious seeing people try and brush off this interaction as evidence that they’ve transitioned their relationship to be more platonic—especially when they used the same effect that was done in Chapter 143 during the kiss scene, as I’ve mentioned. Kind of the opposite image that the writers want to convey if that was the case, y’know. If it was Akane or Kana who had this entire interaction with Aqua so close to the ending there’d be considerably more noise about shipping and romance and all that jazz.

One final thing I want to consider before I end this off. I wonder if we’ll see another nightmare/dream inside Aqua’s subconscious now that Ruby’s right beside him. I highly doubt it—since the narrative seems to be shrouding Aqua’s inner thoughts and internality ever since the movie arc has started—but it’s a possibility. One that could finally solidify this entire will-they-won’t-they dynamic between the two of them that the series sorely needs at this point for clarity.

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[princessconsuela120]

Chapter six: A Lingering Love —✧

Series masterlist

Chapter Warnings: cursing, mentions of pregnancy , Eric Cartman (this man is his own warning)

Author’s Note: like I said these two chapters are posted in bulk, I wanted the chapter art before posting! Don’t forget to like comment and repost!

Chapter art by @clownfacepancakes120 and @silvell

—✧

I HADN'T SPOKEN TO KYLE SINCE I SAW HIM IN SCIENCE CLASS. It wasn’t that I was avoiding him, but I wasn’t actively trying to talk to him either. Which was weird, because usually I would be over at the Broflovski’s house at least two times a week. Whether it be babysitters Ike, or doing homework with Kyle, or even just to see him. Whenever my brother had band practice, he tended to hoard all of my best friends. Whenever there was band practice I was always extra excited to have an excuse to hang out with Kyle.

It was sort of sad too, seeing him in school but not openly going to talk to him. Standing at my locker that was only 7 lockers away from his. Stan’s locker next to mine that had a few sticky notes and small letters for him to ‘get well soon.’ He had been gone for the past few days after that night, we told our parents he got food poisoning, and he took an extra few days off just to decompress. I convinced mom it was a good idea, and she made sure he took his medicine at home.

“Hey, man.” Cartman said, a fake smug look on his face as he leant against the locker beside Kyle’s.

Oh Eric Cartman, it was strange to say he was still one of my best friends. We had bickered non-stop as children, you’d think we were enemies not friends. It all came crashing down when i decided to lead my own superhero group, Supers of Terrific Dare. Or in short, as we called ourselves, STD. Yes I know now the name wasn’t exactly practical, but I was 10 what did I know. I took just about half his team from him, and United all the girls in my group, giving me an insane amount of power of him. We were childhood rivals. The Coon vs The Gemini, the biggest rivalry in South Park elementary. Until high school.

In our freshman year he started being kicked out of the group more. I mean he was an ass, he deserved it. But I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I’m the second semester he began failing his classes, and I was assigned to help tutor him. His mother, who was always the sweetest woman to us as kids, eventually became significantly close with me. I started to notice things, things that were abnormal even for Cartman. I told his mom about it, and they started Cartman on certain medications to help treat him. He was really good about it, and the week after her had started I found a thank you card and some chocolates hiding in my locker. There was no name with it, but I noticed the hand writing. And besides, three of the chocolates were eaten and that sort of gave it enough away in its own. Ever since he’s been welcomed back into the group. And yes he still is insufferable from time to time, but atleast he’s better now.

“What do you want fatass?” Kyle grumbled, opening his locker and grabbing his books. Cartman just leant against the locker, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Did you hear?” He said, Kyle turning to raise an eyebrow at him. “Juno’s pregnant.” He said, making Kyle’s heart skip a beat. He didn’t look over, trying to ignore Cartman.

“Yeah.” He let out quietly, still trying to ignore Cartman.

“Damn, what a whore am I right?” He said, chuckling slightly. Like I said, he can still be rather insufferable from time to time, but atleast he’s trying.

“She’s not a fucking whore Cartman!” Kyle shouted, slamming his fist angrily against his locker.

“Geez Khal you’re right, if she was a whore she’d get paid. She’s just a slut.” He corrected, making Kyle even angrier. He still had his anger issues he had when we were kids. I know he struggled a lot with it, especially when Cartman was around. It was like a light switched off in his mind and he didn’t know what he was doing anymore. I could tell this was a sensitive subject for him too, I guess that probably made it worse.

“Shut the fuck up fatass!” He shouted back, making Eric roll his eyes.

“Wow, who put sand in your vagina this morning Khal.”

“Juno isn’t a whore okay?” Kyle took a breath trying to calm himself, but feeling another light switch off when he heard Cartmans scoff. “You’re moms the one who’s the fucking whore!” He shouted back, feeling instantly guilty.

“Aye!” Cartman yelled, about to make another argument before Kyle walked away. He saw me, and realized I had heard the conversation, trying to follow after me before Butters stopped infront of him.

“Hey Kyle.” Butters greeted, his trade mark smile lighting up his face. Kyle looked behind him and sighed, I was gone.

“Hey Butters.” Kyle greeted back, smiling slightly.

“Did you hear, Juno’s pregnant. Poor girl.” Butters said with a sigh, making Kyle nod.

“Yeah.”

“She must be so scared, and lonely.”

Leopold Butters Stotch, truly the purest soul you’d ever met. Butters was the go to cheerer upper, and I had been a Butters protector since day one. I was the only one allowed to call him ‘Leo,’ and he was the only one allowed to call me Sunny. I wasn’t quite sure why he thought of the nickname, he said I reminded him of sunshine. It may have just been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. I don’t agree with it, not one but, but Butters swore it was true. After he took Kenny and I to Hawaii in 4th grade we noticed a lot of new things about him. Like how he had autistic tendencies, how he tended to get easily angry, and when he was angry he was a menace worse than Cartman, and how his parents really didn’t care much for his well being. Kenny and I like to joke that we’re like Butters adoptive parents. Butters agrees.

“I think she’s okay, she’s got Stan and all..” Kyle began, trying to convince himself of the same thing.

“Did you hear it's yours?” Butters said nervously, rubbing his knuckles together as he looked up at Kyle.

“Yeah.” Did he hear? It’s just been the only thing on his mind since he found out.

“What a trip, man.” Butters said, patting Kyle on the back.

“Yeah. I don't really know too much about it.” Kyle said, trying to get away from Butters.

“You should grow a mustache. Become a man.” Butters said, puffing up his chest slightly. Kyle gave him a strange look.

“I can't.” He answered shortly, causing Butters to look at him softly.

“Me neither. But I'm gonna stop wearing underpants, raise my sperm count.” Kyle’s face contorted with confusion, until butters waved at him cheerfully. “See you!” He shouted happily, before walking away, leaving Kyle even more confused than he had been before.

—✧

“It just isn’t the same.” Kenny whined sadly, staring down at the small jar of weed he had taken from my dads old barn. Though we moved back home, my parents still owned tegridy farms. There were still a few plants left that hadn’t died, and still old containers left stashed away. They were planning to turn the space into something but never came up with anything. For now atleast, Stan keep all of his band things there. They usually drive down whenever they want to practice, to not disturb the young neighbors we have.

“What isn’t?” I asked, making him sigh, tucking the weed back into his pocket while taking a swig of his slushie.

“This. You can’t smoke, it’s like I’m being tortured.” Kenny sighed, holding his face in his hands.

“You can smoke Ken, I don’t care.” I said, but he just glared at me, his eyes wide.

“And risk damaging my baby? You must be nuts.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he grumpily slurped on his slushie.

“Oh so it’s your kid now?” I asked, and he held a hand on his heart.

“No Juno, it’s our kid.”

“Alright weirdo.” I teased, pushing him slightly as he laughed.

“So how’d it go with Mark and Vanessa?” He asked, making me smile.

“It was good, it was good. My dad handled most of the technical stuff, god knows I can’t. But they’re nice. They live in this huge house, and Vanessa has this perfume that cost more than my entire wardrobe and, and what, why are you staring at me.” I rambled, stopping when I noticed Kenny staring down at my stomach.

“Woah, check it out. Baby Broflovski’s coming out of the cave.” Kenny said, his jaw dropped with amazement as he placed a hand on my slight baby bump. I had noticed it this morning, the baby had poped out a significant amount. I couldn’t fit into my jeans, I had to take Stan’s. They say pregnancy is a beautiful thing but so far it’s biting me in the ass.

“Please don’t refer to my uterus as a cave. I’m a holy temple.” I said with a proud smile, as Kenny continued to feel around my stomach.

“That’s crazy, you’re like totally pregnant now.” He said, leaning back against the bench, taking a long swig of his slushie as I looked at him confused, moving the glasses that were on my face up to look at him. He mimicked my actions, mocking me as I glared at him.

“What was I before, partially pregnant?” I asked, and he just shrugged.

“Well you couldn't tell before, but now you’re glowing!” He said happily, a wide smile on his face. I groaned, letting my head fall back slightly.

“Please don’t remind me about the gross amount of sweat. I know I look awful.” I whined, hiding my face in embarrassment. Kenny pulled my hands down, smiling at me.

“No Juno, you’re beautiful.” He reassured, making me smile at his sweetness.

“Aww, thanks Ken.”

“So like, are your boobs gonna get bigger now too?” He asked, sipping his slushie with a smirk as I shoved him.

“I knew it was too good to be true, you freaking perv.” I teased, making him throw a hand up in defense.

“It was just a question!”

—✧

“Juno, hey.” Kyle said, catching up to me in the hallway. I turned around, smiling at him, he smiled back. His hair was messy and distorted on his forehead below his hat, his pupils were dialated, and he looked like he had just ran here to come find me.

“Hey, Kyle.” I said kindly, closing my locker door, leaning against the lockers as I smiled over at him.

“Me and some of the guys are gonna go to the movies...And doughnut that flick with the guy who has 18 kids. You wanna come?” He asked, taking a break to catch his breath between the words. I looked at him with a pout.

“Sounds awesome, but I got my ultrasound.” I said sadly, looking down at the box of donut holes in his hands. He sighed, scratching the back of his head nervously.

“Oh, really? Can I...? Should I come with you?” Kyle stuttered, making my expression drop slightly, and my heart faltered. I didn’t think he would want to.

“You can't waste those doughnut holes there. But maybe I could, you know, drop by later.” I smiled, he smiled back. It was strange, and outlandish for two people who knew more about each other than they did themselves. And I hated it, acting like I didn’t know Kyle. Because I did know him, I loved him.

“Yeah, yeah of course.” There was a hint of disappointment in his tone, I could tell he tried to hide it but failed.

“Later, Kyle.” I said, waving to him as I went to turn away. He waved back sadly.

“See you. I'll save you a seat.”

—✧

“There's your baby.” The ultrasound technician said, as all of us look up at the ultrasound computer. I was laying in the hospital bed, Kenny and Craig next to me and Stan on the other side, my mom standing behind me. Kenny would have thrown a fit if I didn’t let him come, Craig also begged me to be here the day before and Stan needed an excuse to get out of the house, so now we were having a nice little party in the hospital room.

“Oh, my God.” Kenny said, looking up at the screen in awe.

“Oh, Juno.” My mom whispered to me, kissing me head gently before the doctor began speaking.

“There's a hand. And an arm. And there's the feet.” She explained, making me smile slightly.

“Would you look at that?”

“Whoa, check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky-looking.” Stan said, making me roll my eyes.

“It looks like an alien.” Craig added, causing me to shove him lightly as he chuckled.

“Excuse me, I am a sacred vessel. All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.” I teased, making both boys giggle. “It's amazing that there's actually saps that cry at this.”

We all turn after hearing a sniffle, seeing Kenny shedding a few tears as I pout at him teasingly.

“What? I'm not made of stone.” He grumbled, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table.

“Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?”

“Yes. Please, Juno, please?” Kenny cheered, practically jumping from his seat.

“No. No, definitely. No, there's... no sex.” I argued, shaking my head.

“Planning to be surprised?”

“I want Mark and Vanessa to be surprised. And if you tell me, I'll just ruin everything.”

“It’s true. She sucks at keeping secrets.” Stan remarked, making me scoff as I looked at him.

“Shut it Stanley. I still haven’t told Kenny about the time you took his strawberry pop tarts and replaced them with the cherry ones.”

“Hey!” Kenny yelled, shoving Stan as he held up his hands in defense.

“What?! The strawberry ones are my favorite! I think I have an addiction problem.” Stan said, earning a pat on the back from Craig as they shared a dramatic hug.

“Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?” The doctor asked, her voice very flat and unexcited, even a little rude.

“No, no, no, they're the adoptive parents.”

“Well, thank goodness for that.” The doctor said, earning a strange look from my mom.

“What's that supposed to mean?” She asked, entering defense momma bear mode. This was my favorite side from my mom.

“I see a lot of teenage mothers come through here. It's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.” The doctor explained, making me give her a strange look.

“How do you know that I'm so poisonous, you know?” I asked and Stan nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, what if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?” Stan argued, as Craig nodded in agreement.

“Or, stage parents.” He argued back.

“Or poor. No offense Ken, you know I love ya.” I turned to grab Kenny’s hand and he grabbed mine in return, a dumb smile on his face.

“None taken.”

“They could be negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job...Than my dumb-ass daughter. Have you considered that?” My mom said angrily, causing Stan and I to share a shocked look.

“No, I guess not.”

“Yeah. What is your job title exactly?”

“I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.”

“Well, I'm a nail technician, and I think we both ought to stick to what we know.” The doctor looked offended, serves her right though.

“Excuse me?”

“You think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages?” My mom began, glaring at the doctor in a fit of anger. “My 12-year-old neighbor could do that, and he's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.” She explained, making the doctor look at her even angrier.

“He’s Canadian.” I added, but Stan just looked at me confused.

“But I thought Ike was a genn…”

“Shh, moms making a point.” I said, covering Stan’s mouth, making him glare at me.

“Why don't you go back to night school in Manteno and learn a real trade?” My mom finished her off as the woman walk out. All four of us turned to my mom as she dusted off her hands proudly.

“Mom, you're a dick. I love it.” I said, pulling down my shirt and pulling my mom into a hug as she laughed slightly.

—✧

[dishonestlies-if]

I have questions I don't know if they've been asked before. So pardon me if they have if this is a dumb question.

I was reading through the game description and it days our ex spouse is the great nephew of some important person so I'm assuming they were male... right?

but then also we can choose our gender. So if I choose to play a male character. How did our daughter come to be? Unless i got that all wrong. Or is there magic involved with same sex couples having kids?

And on that topic how do the ROs react to an MC that is the same gender. Are any of them conflicted or is it a happy love all vibe in the kingdom especially among nobility?

I. How did I not notice this. What is wrong with me I'm gonna lose my mind-

Thank you for pointing out the thing with Alix! (Dis)honest Lies started out as a small project for myself and a few friends so originally the MC was set as female, and therefore Alix was set as male, seems I forgot to change their description after I decided to make it a public game. I'll fix that right away!!! (On that note, what's the gender neutral form of niece/nephew? Nibling? Nephling?)

As for the ROs:

M really doesn't care. So long as they like you for you, they're not letting anyone get in the way of your relationship, least of all some homophobic old fogies who can barely manage their own failing marriages. In any case, among the lower class nobody really cares all that much - most are too busy trying to feed themselves and their families to gossip about who's courting who; your worth and status is based on what you contribute to the community, not who you choose to spend your life with.

Legacy is an immigrant from another kingdom where such relationships are much more accepted among the upper class and monarchy, so they just embrace it with open arms (assuming, of course, they can first get over all the other things keeping them from seeking happiness for themselves). In fact, they find it funny how enraged the few disapproving members of the Court get over what Legacy deems to be a trivial matter, so once they're romanced they take great delight in courting you in front of the homophobes just so they can watch them fume, unable to actually say anything (because that's the monarch and their lover, what are they gonna do about it?). E is 100% down for it. They are actively pursuing your heart (good luck trying to evade them lol), and they will not let anything stand in their way. After all, MC is the monarch, and they are an Advisor, with the backing of the House of Alinac. Realistically, only the other Advisors could lay a hand on them, and that could spark a rather nasty conflict in the Court, which they know all the Families are actively trying to avoid. Consequences be damned, they'll get what they want - they always do. E is untouchable, and they know it; what, then, is the point in fearing Court gossip? The lower nobility can say nothing to them, at least not without repercussion. O is already hesitant to pursue the monarch, even moreso if they are the same gender. O worries about the monarch's image - they know gossip in the Court is rarely forgiving, and for the monarch to court an Advisor (unheard of in the kingdom's history), well, that would certainly spark rumours of favouritism among the Families. While likely not enough to spark the other Families into direct action on its own, it would definitely make them more difficult to deal with - not ideal for the nation. They can only imagine what the rumours would be like if the monarch's lover were to be the same gender - and the Advisor from the House of Hildebrand, at least, strongly disapproves of such unions. O would prefer to spare MC (and Batrinoa as a whole) all the trouble and simply reject any romantic advances (even if they dream of taking MCs hands in theirs).

C, on the other hand, was raised in a rather homophobic household. It was really just their father Volker who drilled into the minds of his children that same-gender partners are wrong and unnatural and will be nothing more than a hindrance in war (soldiers are generally grouped into divisions by gender, and it is his belief that if a soldier was attracted to the same gender, it would make all members of their division a possible distraction on the battlefield). Though C (and none of their siblings really, except maybe their eldest brother, the family heir) took to these teachings, C is still hesitant about pursuing MC if they're the same gender - the internalized homophobia still hits hard even after all these years, and in any case they're not so sure MC would reciprocate (at least in the beginning). Give them some time to sort things out, the wait will be worth it.

[mistressweems]

Tattoos & Bruises

Chapter 7

Notes.... a little under the weather at the moment - again. So might be taking a little break. Struggling a bit with my health and therapy. But let's see how the week ahead goes. 🖤😊 Hope everyone is still enjoying.

Warnings: pain, violence, fear

After dinner you went and changed into your swimming gear, walking past the mirror to grab your tracksuit you stop and stare at yourself in shock. “Fuck it woman… I can’t tell where my tattoos start and your marks end!” Turning your body a bit you see yourself covered in hickies.

You heard her giggle as you walked back into the kitchen. “You are an animal, Larissa Weems!” You walked by her and slap her ass. “Going swimming see you in a bit.” Once downstairs you decided that getting in a few laps wouldn’t be the world’s worst idea, you had sometime to spare anyway. After about half an hour of practice you hopped out the pool and headed down towards the private entertainment area where you were meeting Pam.

“Jesus woman, do you see what you look like? Were you fucked by a cougar or something?” Pam lets out a puff of cigarette smoke and you laugh sitting down next to her, taking her smoke, and having a drag. “Well, that depends on how you wish to look at it, but trust me, so very much worth every hour!” You showed her what she was making permanent. “Are you sure you want this? This is as good as putting her name on your body!” Nodding your head taking a shot of tequila that Pam had brought and lighting your own smoke. “Don’t stress my friend, just tattoo it, it doesn’t matter what happens between us, that bite mark is a part of my story… apart of this new adventure, and its one that I would like to add to all the others I have.” As Pam started setting up you poured the next two shots. “Hopefully I get to meet the woman who has finally got you out of your damn cave! It’s been forever since you have let someone in babe.” You took your place in front of your friend and smiled as she began her work. “Maybe one day, let’s first just see how things go, you know this isn’t easy for me. Not after Van.”

------

The second week came and went a lot quicker than you had hoped for. Your students had the time of their lives, it was a great experience for everyone. Learning how each student functions on a more personal level, letting them get to know you more also seemed to gain their trust a little more. Some days Larissa would spend the day with you all, watch how you work and how the students work with you. Other days she would go and enjoy some of the other activities that the lodge offered, going on hikes or spending the day at the spa. In the evenings more personal time was spent with the students, sitting out bonfires telling stories, laughing and joking. It was something you began you cherish a great deal. You had never allowed yourself to get close to people or them to you for that matter in years. Once the students would head off to bed, back at the comfort of your private cabin, you and Larissa spent hours exploring each other’s bodies and minds, yet you always made sure that your new addition was well concealed, you didn’t want her seeing the tattoo just yet.

Curling up in her arms had become such a natural habit that you had no idea how you would cope once things had to return to normal when getting back to the school. Having her be the last thing your saw before closing your eyes and the things when opening them became a comfort, being close to her had changed you in so many ways. You felt how she softened you, for the first time in years you were able to close your eyes at night and not worry about the nightmares that once used to plague your mind.

On the final day of the camp, you decided it was a day for the students to be able to relax and enjoy some down time before having to head back to school. They had been training so hard the past week, a day in the pool with some music and good food. The teens were screaming and messing around while you and Larissa walked outside with some snacks. Just as you had placed them down you were being pulled towards the pool and pushed in. You came up to everyone giggling including Larissa. You tied your hair up and removed your shirt. Huddling all the kids together to devise a plan... you decided that everyone would have to be involved to get the last person in the pool. “Ms Ives don’t you dare! I will give each of them detention!” You all got out the pool, stalking towards her. “Punish the children? Oh, you wouldn’t dare Ma’am.” Her eyes squinted as she caught your game. With everyone’s help Larissa went flying into the water, but with one last stretch she grabs you and takes you in with her.

The students all jumps in, having a good laugh as their Principal gives a pout. Laughs are interrupted by Enid’s high pitched squeal “MS UMTAMED GOT A NEW TATTOO! It’s a bit of an odd one… but I like it.” Larissa turns you around to see, and there, in the curve of your neck, her first bite, her very first mark on your skin has been set in ink. You turn back, and with a quick wink and a smile “Welcome to my domain” you shout attack, and everyone goes into a frenzy, kicking and splashing water at their Principal.

----------

Being back at the school was bittersweet. Having you own space back was the same. Being able to have your music blaring and being able to leave every door open was most refreshing. But the nights had become lonely, you had become used to having someone share the same bed as you, having someone hold you close in your sleep, and having the same arms wrapped around you as the sun would rise. But being back mean things had to go back to normal as much as possible.

Giggles and talking brought you back to reality. Looking up as your class come walking down to the pier had you smiling. For the first time it felt as if your life was starting to work out. A feeling you certainly never thought you would have. You had the most amazing job, students that filled your heart with so much warmth and a woman so amazing, that you couldn’t even have conjured up in your wildest dreams. Everything was perfect, for once in your life you were truly happy.

“Alright everyone. Tracksuits off and let’s start with some light warmups. I want those muscles warm and relaxed before today’s lesson. So, make sure you do it properly, cramping will not be an excuse to sit out today.” The buzzing of your phone pulls you away from the students for a moment as they start stretching out. Quickly having a look, you see it’s a number that you don’t know, you don’t normally bother with unknown numbers, so you weren’t sure why you decided to check it today, opening up the message, your heart begins to race, and your throat turns dry.

GOT TO SEE PAM YESTERDAY. TELLS ME THAT IT SEEMS YOU HAVE MET SOMEONE. TRYING TO REPLACE ME ARE YOU KITTEN? DON’T FORGET WHO YOU BELONG TO. THOUGHT YOU COULD RUN AWAY DIDN’T YOU? HOW KIND OF PAM TO PASS YOUR NUMBER ON. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR A LONG TIME KITTEN.

X

Why the hell would Pam tell her? Stupid woman! Pam knew what the situation was, she knew what you went through in that house. You ignored the message, trying to turn your focus back to your students.

“Alright everyone. Let’s get in and we can start with a few strokes of butterfly.”

Your phone buzzes again

YOU KNOW VERY WELL THAT I DON’T LIKE TO BE IGNORED KITTEN. MAYBE I NEED TO COME AND SEE YOU. I HEARD YOU ARE AT A FANCY SCHOOL NOW.

“Enid, can you carry on running the training today?” You turn to walk away but stop. “In actual fact no… training is cancelled for this afternoon. Go…do whatever it is you guys do. Don’t let me find out you stayed here or that you caused trouble!” Storming off staring at your phone. This can’t be happening; you don’t need this in your life. You had hoped that after all this time she would have just let you be.

Where is she going? It’s not like her to leave her students unattended…you know things have been a bit difficult since you got back to school, but surely, she would have said something if there was an issue? Watching her run up her stairs you wait. She will come through your doors soon. But those doors never opened… where the hell is she? You try and call, but no answer. You texted her, but no response. No need to panic you tell yourself, later tonight you will go to her. You will find out what’s going on.

KITTEN?

YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT UPSETS ME KNOW YOU DON’T REPLY!

YOU’RE TESTING ME KITTEN, AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO THAT! IT’S A NICE SCHOOL KITTEN, I WILL COME BY SOMETIME, WE CAN TALK THEN.

Your mind racing, your heart pounding. You throw your phone to the floor. No caring if it smashes, hoping it does. Punching the wall, you pace the room. “You see Satine, this is why you don’t settle down. This is why you don’t move on. This is why you don’t go out and find someone new!” Punching the wall again, this time your knuckles split open. You groan as the pain shoots through your hand.

Your phone keeps on buzzing, staring at the phone you start to feel dizzy. You will just have to leave. You will pack what you can, send for the rest later… you can leave Larissa a letter… yes because that what she deserves! A fucking letter… you can’t let her get caught up in this…. She deserves more than this, more than you, better than you.

You rest your head against the wall. Screaming you start punching the wall again and again and again. With each punch your knuckles split more and more. You know she is out there; you can feel her eyes on you, you can feel her displeasure grow as you leave her messages unanswered. Why was she hiding in the shadows? If she has spent all this time looking for you, then why doesn’t she just come in, take what she wants like she always did.

NOW NOW KITTEN, DON’T DAMAGE THOSE PRETTY LITTLE HANDS.

Glancing over and seeing that texted finished you. You grabbed the phone from the floor and decided it was time to respond. No more running, if she wants this, she can come and get it.

STOP HIDING! IF YOU KNOW WHERE I AM, COME AND GET ME!

You waited but nothing came. Putting your phone down you headed to the kitchen to get an ice pack. Only to bolt back to the lounge when you hear your phone again. Two messages come through at the same time. One from Vanessa and one from Larissa.

SOME HAS GOTTEN BRAVE. SPEAKING TO ME LIKE THAT. ALL IN DUE TIME KITTEN. GET THOSE HANDS HEALED FIRST. SEE YOU SOON MY KITTEN.

You looked at your hands…. what a mess. Your knuckles were busted, bleeding badly and swelling. With a nervous sigh you opened Larissa’s message.

SATINE IVES YOU ARE PUSHING ME OVER THE EDGE RIGHT NOW, AND NOT IN ANY FUN WAY. IF YOU ARE NOT IN MY OFFICE WITHIN THE HOUR, I AM COMING TO YOU.

Tag List: @angelwolf96 , @pebbleswritessometimes , @weemssapphic , @readingtheentrails , @littledollll , @gwendolinechristieiscute , @justcallmelittleone

[lostinlands]

My brain isn't done marinating on the last few words of Tomura and the meaning behind his actions and words and how being a Sudaca influences my opinion on Tomura, (but that's a post for another day) but I was thinking about how theres is this kind of divide? Between people who like Tomura and those that like Tenko.

"But dude, those are the same!"

Yeah, no.

Most moments where the divide is made or is very clear that they mean one over the other instead of just jumping from name to name is on the debate of salvation, The Crying Child VS The Symbol Of Fear type of situation.

The thing that bugs me about that is the simple fact that I've been a fan of Shigaraki Tomura since he was first introduced to us in the manga, and that might have something to do with the fact that I am a Sudaca, 27, and also have always been in support of the villains when it comes to mangas because I feel like the heroes/protagonists are 9/10 times blinded by survivor bias.

I've been fan of Shigaraki Tomura since he was first introduced, and then we saw him change his final goals, his ambitions, and even his stance on his group/his friends. And still during all of that Tomura was unashamedly a villain. He didn't give a fuck, he was going to kill as many as necessary and force society to change because society needed (and at the current moment of the manga STILL NEEDS) to stop being so complacent to the status quo.

He showed us how fucked society was due to their own passivity, and that was all Shigaraki Tomura. There was not a hint of Shimura Tenko in the person fighting against the Shie Hassaikai, it wasn't Tenko the one who promised Himiko to let everything she liked untouched, it wasn't Tenko the one who internalized the fact that Mr.Compress wanted Sushi and the first thing he did when he got money was GIVE HIM SAID SUSHI (And also unsure his allies were in positions of power in the new military-like structure of the meta liberation army)

You could argue that "it was Tenko" the one that cared enough to pass on a last message to Spinner (However that point is immediately Decayed to the fact that the last phrase is "Tell Spinner that SHIGARAKI TOMURA fought till the end to destroy."), or the one that cared enough to try to advise Midoriya ("Oh yeah? That depends... on what you people decide to do tomorrow. Make sure... you do your damn best.") on making sure there are no consequences that might create a new League.

However, we go back to the fact that things are argued to be separated. Its not Shigaraki Tomura the one that deserves to be saved because: He's a villain and a murderer! But it IS Shimura Tenko, the perfect victim, the one who deserves a chance at salvation.

And in the fucking end Izuku saved nothing. He didn't save the crying child because the Crying Child had already become Tomura, and he didn't save Tomura because BNHA showed us time and again that the villains didn't deserve salvation.

"But what about Himiko? She got a redemption arc!" By sacrificing herself for Ochako. Her redemption arc was her death (Allegedly, who the fuck knows, maybe we'll tune in after Hori's break and Himiko is gonna be a new member of 2B since Hitoshi is the new member of 2A) in the name of saving someone she loved and who, if she had not been actively fighting a war, would've been saved in Tomura's worlds because she was one of Himiko's beloveds and as such one of the people Tomura promised not to hurt.

"Well, What about Dabi?!" The Todoroki's don't give a fuck about DABI, they are trying to save TOUYA (oh hey, ANOTHER CASE OF DUALITY!) and also being thrown into what looks like a giant cooler isn't exactly salvation and by how his wounds ended up at the end of his fight it might just be more merciful to kill him.

"Well, what about Spinner!" In jail, probably, and also his brain overloaded with Quirks so there is a big chance he's just straight-up brain-dead.

"Kurogiri was saved before by Mic and Eraser!" Kurogiri is a corpse. Even if he wasn't, we go back to the theme of how the heroes are trying to save one part of a duality by Mic and Zawa trying to save OBORO and not KUROGIRI.

"Mr. Compress then!" In jail! which BTW has been shown to not be a "rehabilitation" center to help villains stop being villains but just.... just jail. Also Compress lost all his friends, and all the people he had grown to care about. It's the same for all the villains that are still alive, they are in Jail and if I remember correctly Tartarus wasn't exactly... up to the Geneva Convention. What the fuck is that solitary confinement-looking shit.

Anyways this post was about the duality and how most people who expect Tomura to be alive are either hoping or expecting it to be Tenko instead of Tomura, and it's understandable, I'm not judging.

I'm also not in agreement.

I read either here or on Twitter that Tomura's death felt hollow and basically pointless, and how it would've been more enjoyable to see how a redemption arc could've been tackled with an unapologetic villain like Tomura. And while I agree that it would've been an incredibly challenging redemption arc I am actually happy with the fact that they didn't suddenly pull a "Yeah no now Tomura is good and agrees with Heores and saw the error in his way" out of their ass.

Tomura Shigaraki exists as a character to force the hero students and THE CIVILIANS to see the fact that society is currently fucked up and they can't depend fully on "Dogs of the state" without them doing anything. Sure yeah, people can depend and hope on cops (which is what heroes basically are), but that doesn't mean you are blind and deaf to the person being murdered next to you.

It's like this image from Club Penguin!

In the middle of the fight Tomura tells Midoriya and AFO "Everything I witness in this world of ours... led to the existence of that house." because Tomura only saw compliment people who's only solution to the abuse that Tenko was experiencing was "don't cry, it makes us sad".

When Midoriya wins, he insisted that the things that caused Tenko's house to exist have already been destroyed by Tomura himself, and that's when Tomura tells him "Oh yeah? That depends... on what you people decide to do tomorrow." but the next fucking chapter is them returning to school and telling us how Nedzu is basically president and helping with the rebuilding.

At the end of the day, the death of Tomura serves to show US the AUDIENCE that nothing has really changed, and the new character that we see basically crawling out of a destroyed house in a place that is NOT undergoing reconstruction efforts is the perfect visual representation of that.

Here is another Perfect Victim.

Now where are his heroes?

[probadbatch]

Feel free to ignore this - it's just some uncharacteristically melancholy musings about the past that I needed to get out of my head. Everything's fine, don't worry.

I've been going through my archive from the early days of this blog and just. So many people have deactivated since the season one days. I know some of them remade and are active now but more are just gone. I feel like I'm seeing ghosts.

If you're new here - things are better now but they were pretty ugly in the beginning. This blog really only exists because I got so damn frustrated with the negativity and fighting and I needed to channel that into something a little more positive. A lot's changed since then. Friends deactivated, bullies moved on, but I'm stubborn so I'm still here.

It was weird coming into this fandom at first. I've been on tumblr since 2011 and to say I've seen its ugly side is an understatement. This blog is relatively small for me but I have another that... well, let's just say I get hate mail there on the daily. Coming into the SW community here was the ugliest I've ever seen tumblr. I won't call the whole fanbase toxic but there were definitely a few people who were and unfortunately they were organized and extremely loud about it. They tried to drag everyone into their war and if you tried to stay out of things, that made you a target.

A few of them are still around. They've moved on to other things but every once in a while I break my own cardinal rules and check in on a few of their blogs. They don't seem any happier than they did back then. I'm sad for them. It looks like such a miserable way to be. The fans who stayed definitely seem happier than any of the bullies ever did.

I wonder about the fans who didn't stay. I like to think they just found somewhere more pleasant to be and they're living good happy lives now and don't give much thought to the old days. But I don't know. And with how bad the bullying got back then, I worry.

If anyone I don't know about remade and is reading this - please don't feel like you have to tell me. If you're happy and safe, that's all I care about and if your privacy is how you've managed that, I'm okay with not knowing. But I think about you - even if we didn't know each other back then. I think about all the fans who've disappeared. I hope you're doing well.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess partly I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone who left before I could tell them. I guess I also wanted to say that bullies might win battles but they don't win wars. We've lost good people but the fandom is still here, still going strong.

This blog is for anyone who's ever had someone else try to tell them how to experience fandom or to stay out of it entirely. People who would say that are miserable and the only thing misery loves is company - so much so that it will go to great lengths to create more. Pity those who would rather spread their misery than accept joy.

I don't care who you are or how you identify or what your politics are or what you ship or how long you've been in fandom or what someone else thinks you've done. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open for you. I promise you aren't bothering me.

I'm tired of seeing deactivated blogs.

[mjbunnyluv]

The Scoop, Part 2

Summary: PH!Bakugou, QL!Izuku AU where they are estranged childhood friends and haven’t had contact in a little over a decade. As he couldn’t achieve his dreams of becoming a hero, Izuku has become a hero journalist instead. The entire hero community loves him, but as he becomes more popular, Izuku finds it harder and harder to avoid his former friend.

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“Midoriya,” an excited squeal preceded the bubbly pro hero as she skipped down the hall.

“Pinky!” Izuku grinned at her arrival. He’d just finished setting up in one of the conference rooms at A-Chic, the acid heroine’s personal agency. This was not the first time he was interviewing her. 

In fact, Pinky was one of his number one interviewees, her PR team giving him a call every few months for a new story. The bubble gum haired woman was extremely active in the community - hosting charity events and dinner parties, fundraisers and community nights. During his last interview, Izuku covered the breakdance battle she’d organized to raise money for underprivileged kids. With Mina’s infectious personality and Izuku’s top-tier journalism, the event was a huge success, meeting its goal and then some. The funds were used to build a youth center that provided free meals, tutoring services, and job placement opportunities to school aged kids in Greater Tokyo. And it also helped Pinky rise almost 10 spots in the hero charts. 

“It’s so good to see you,” Mina giggled. “I’ve been looking forward to this all week!”

“Me, too,” the greenette nodded. “I know it’s only been five months since our last interview, but it feels like it’s been forever.”

“Ugh, tell me about it!” She waved her hand dramatically. “Seriously, though, a Pulitzer?!” 

Izuku shrugged, a sheepish smile gracing his lips as a deep blush danced across his cheeks, the bronze freckles dotting his skin popping against the color. The announcement of his achievement last month had come as a huge surprise to Izuku. “I mean…I don’t really think I deser-”

“Nope!” She slapped a hand over his mouth, and emerald eyes bugged out wide with surprise. “None of that. You are the best, period! Deserving of any and all awards that come your way.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” he chuckled, pulling her palm away from his face. 

Mina rolled her golden eyes, “Honey, there’s a reason you’re the only journalist I talk to.” Izuku cocked his head to the side. That couldn’t be right. He swore he’d seen a story from the Tokyo Journal only a couple weeks ago where she made comments about a recent villain fight. “Respect goes a long way, my friend, and most journalists are severely lacking. They all act like heroes owe them every second of their free time after a fight or a gala, or God forbid on our days off. My dude, all I want to do is take a damn breather, and you,” she pointed at the journalist with a big flourish of her wrist, “always make me feel like a person. Like I can be myself and not get judged for it, you know?”

“Well, that’s the goal,” Izuku grinned. “Glad to know I’m doing my job as I’ve always intended.” 

“Seriously, though,” Mina sighed as she took a seat at the conference table. “You are our precious little bean and we will protect you at all costs!”

“Our? We?” The freckled man scrunched his nose as he tried to work out who she was talking about. He got situated in one of the rolling chairs and drummed his fingers on the tabletop.

“The hero community, silly!” The pinkette giggled, lightly slapping his wrist. “Actually, I was just talking to Ejirou the other day- you know, Red Riot – and we were thinking, how great would it be if you covered the upcoming Hero Billboard Chart? I mean, you’d have no problem interviewing anybody and since Dynamight is about to be named Number 1 it would be the perfect opportunity-”

“NO!” Izuku shouted. He clenched and unclenched his hands, cheeks burning crimson at his sudden outburst. Clearing his throat, the greenette stated very calmly, “S-sorry. What I meant to say was, I won’t be in town for the event. I’ve been asked to cover a story on the World Heroes’ Commission and I’ll be traveling to Switzerland during that time.”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Mina slumped. “I was really hoping you’d be there. All the other reporters are so stuffy. You’re much more fun to talk to.”

Izuku let out a calming exhale. That was only a partial lie…he really was going to be in Switzerland covering the World Heroes’ Commission, but he hadn’t been asked. In reality, he’d begged for it. As a journalist who primarily covered all things heroes, Izuku always kept a close eye on the charts. And when it started trending that Dynamight would finally be achieving the highly coveted rank of Number 1 Hero, the greenette marched into his boss’s office and practically got on his knees to request that someone else cover the Hero Billboard Charts this season. Was he being a coward? Probably. But was he sufficiently relieved when his request was accepted? Absolutely.

Five years…five years Izuku had been conducting interviews after earning his Bachelor’s in Journalism. And in all that time, he had successfully avoided one hero in particular. Dynamight continued to be his current favorite hero, in fact, he had analyzed plenty of his former friend’s fights and published his excited ramblings on his fanboy blog - the one he ran under the pseudonym Deku. Izuku knew he wasn’t being slick, if anything, the explosive hero would know it was him right away from the old nickname he’d given the freckled boy when they were kids. But whenever it was brought up that the explosive hero was looking to schedule interviews for PR, Izuku made sure he was unavailable for the man’s requested time slot.

“S-So, what did you want to talk about today?” Izuku stuttered, looking over the notes he’d taken from the pinkette’s PR team. “A team up?”

“Mhmm, that’s right,” Mina perked up. “Well, it’s not the type of team up most people would be used to. Not in the traditional heroic sense anyway.”

“How would you classify it then?” he asked, recording device having been picking up everything since just before the heroine joined him. But in true old school fashion, Izuku just couldn’t get away from scribbling down bits of information and quotes in a notebook. There was just something so nostalgic about pen meeting paper. Or maybe it was just a safety blanket. He had been writing down thoughts since he learned how to read and write, and in all honesty, writing things down had saved his ass more than once after a power outage. 

“Oh, it’s a burlesque show.”

Izuku’s hand stopped scribbling. Emerald eyes blinked at the page before slowly lifting to meet golden irises. “A what?”

“A burlesque show. You know, provocative dancing, short skirts, sensual music.” Mina moved her body in a smooth movement bringing attention to the cleavage just above the neckline of her costume. 

Izuku gulped, “F-For charity, I presume?”

“You got it!” She winked. “And the list of participants is outstanding.”

“What are you raising money for this time?” Izuku’s hand resumed scratching down notes.

“Support for the victims of that villain attack a couple weeks ago. The one with Subterranean, you know that guy who caused 9.0 earthquakes, leveled three towns and killed almost 1,000 people.” Pinky leaned back, the chair groaning as she pressed into the seatback. “It was awful. And everything happened so fast that rescue attempts turned into recovering bodies. Sometimes this job weighs on you and you just can’t help but lie awake at night and think what if I was faster? What if I did x, y, or z differently? But I learned a long time ago that those kinds of thoughts don’t help anybody. So, instead I find ways to help the survivors, to do what I can in the aftermath.”

“I’m sure any kind of support would be appreciated right now. I’ve seen that nearby communities have been taking in families who've been displaced by the attack.” Izuku commented.

“Yeah, everyone is doing good things to help their neighbors. One of the things I’d like to do with the money we raise from this show is to build sustainable housing to shelter those who’ve been displaced, and offer free meals as well.” Mina nodded. “Our goal is set at 11 million Yen and I really think that’s achievable. Especially since a handful of agencies have agreed to match donations.”

“Oh really? That’s great! Which agencies?” Izuku’s hand was flying across the page, eyes flicking up every so often to engage with the heroine.

“The usuals,” she shrugged. “Nightcrawler, Creations Inc., Ingenium, Icy Hot.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a little community of your own,” the greenette chuckled. “I’ve been making the rounds with interviews lately and those are all the agencies that come up pretty frequently.”

“Eh, you make your alliances, and they really don’t change unless someone does something really off the rails,” she laughed. “Not surprised my little circle of besties are always hitting you up.”

“You mentioned the list of participants for the burlesque show is,” he flipped back a page, “outstanding. Care to share a few names of who we can expect to see on stage?”

“Oh definitely,” Mina grinned, a mischievous glint in her eye as she stretched forward to lean on her crossed forearms. “I mean, there’s the usual suspects…Nejire-chan, Uravity, myself obviously, then there’s Galeforce and Phantom Thief. Oh, and I can’t forget Illus-o-Camie. Plus, a few surprises. But I don’t want to give it all away, you know. Gotta leave some things to the imagination,” she winked.

“Of course. It’s not burlesque without intrigue, right?” Izuku chuckled as he made note of all the names Pinky had mentioned. 

“See, you get it,” she laughed, slapping his wrist again. “You should really come. I think you’d have a great time, Midoriya. And it’s all for charity, so everyone will be in high spirits. Nothing makes people happier than doing good deeds and heroes showing some skin.”

He laughed remembering the nude calendar featuring the Top 15 heroes that was released last year. Pre-orders sold out in a matter of minutes and once they were released in stores, not a single retailer was able to keep them on the shelves. Even Izuku had a hard time getting his hands on one…he did, eventually and he was still ashamed of the amount of time he’d spent staring at April. Because damn, Kacchan was ripped and the picture was equal parts tasteful and risqué. Hero mask pushed onto his forehead and slicking back that explosion of blonde spikes, dark black kohl rimming his eyes and not a single bit of fabric in sight. Just a well-placed Dynamight gauntlet hiding the most scandalous bits. Izuku coughed to hide that he was getting a little hot and bothered just thinking about that calendar. 

“I’ll think about it,” he told her, and he genuinely meant it. 

“Good.” Mina gave a short nod. A sharp knock caught their attention at the door and a petite brunette appeared in the doorway. The woman was dressed in a colorful pantsuit, her hair braided and laying heavily over her shoulder. Izuku immediately recognized her as the head of Pinky’s PR team. “That time already, Kimi?”

“Afraid so,” she scrunched her nose, making the glitter sparkling across her cheeks dance under the fluorescent lights of the conference room. “Nice to see you again, Midoriya.”

Izuku gave a little wave and turned back to the heroine. “Well, I think I’ve got enough to write a highlight piece.”

Mina squealed and squirmed in her seat, “I know I can count on you to rally the masses.” She hopped out of her seat and gestured for the journalist to come over. “C’mere, I need to give you a hug.” 

Used to her need to shower him in affection, Izuku smiled and stood. The second he was on his feet, the pinkette swooped in, pulling him into a bone crushing hug. And she only let go when he wheezed and patted her back. They pulled apart in a fit of giggles.

“You promise to try to make an appearance at the show?” Mina asked.

“I will do my best to clear my schedule,” Izuku nodded.

“Good, cuz I think you’ll really enjoy the final act,” she winked at him, and the journalist couldn’t help the look of confusion that washed over his face. Mina just laughed, that mischievous glint returning to her eyes. “See you later little bean!”

“Until next time, Pinky!” He waved, watching her skip out the door. As Izuku gathered up his notes and stopped the recording device, he couldn’t help but ponder what the heroine had up her sleeve. Knowing Mina, it was probably her just playing around like usual. And it wouldn’t be the first time she urged him to come out just to play wingwoman or to get him drunk off his ass. Well, whatever it was, Izuku was intrigued.

[seeingandbeing]

Last week I committed to writing a substack post. I knew I wanted to write about the equinox. I have always loved fall and the rituals that go hand in hand. But I knew this year was going to be lowkey. With no job and limited funds, I couldn’t afford to host the harvest moon dinner I fantasized with friends about. I know we could have found a free activity to do together but I didn’t want to overextend myself, as I was still recovering from a bad spell.

The past few weeks have been difficult ones. I was rejected for a role that seemed all but guaranteed and it devastated me. The hope of returning to routine and normalcy was shattered. I didn’t leave my bed for 2 days.

I tried my best to give myself grace and compassion, but everything about the situation made me feel like a failure. I ordered takeout with money I didn’t have. I went to the beach for the first time this summer. I went to MoMA and cried. I got rejected from an entry-level job I applied to. Mostly, I was doing a lot of nothing.

Last week, I finally had a productive week. It wasn’t the week I wanted but it was a good week by any metric. I had more money than I expected, multiple leads on jobs, and woke up at a reasonable hour every day. It was the kind of week I regularly prayed for, but I found myself dismissing it because I didn’t make it to a talk I wanted to go to, I didn’t wake up at 7 AM to do my planning session, and I didn’t attend hot yoga as often as I would have liked.

Why wasn’t good enough, good enough? I sought guidance from the memoir I was reading, Wintering by Katherine May:

“Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible. Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season in which the world takes on a sparse beauty and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order. Doing those deeply unfashionable things—slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting—is a radical act now, but it is essential.”

I find it helpful to frame my time without work as a wintering. At first, I accepted winter with open arms. My health issues were at their worst and I finally accepted that I was a workaholic. I reveled in the time I spent taking care of myself. I treated nursing myself back to health like a full-time job. Eventually, I decided I was tired of wintering. Winter was a bore and I longed for summer. In fact, summer was approaching and being in a period of reflection and rest felt unseasonal. I love summer, spring be damned. Had I really done the work to transform myself? Sure, I could take care of myself when it was the only thing on the docket but when I inevitably return to work would I have the tools to commit to living sustainably? I wasn’t sure I knew what tools I even needed.

Serendipitously, I listened to a great podcast about a skill to add to the toolbox. Real self care. In the episode, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin describes real self care as “principle focused, inner decision-making work” while the faux self is the consumer-oriented bullshit we are all familiar with. I am a fan of Audre Lorde, who Lakshmin draws heavily on, so self-care being described this way was not surprising to me. What surprised me though, was categorizing productivity as faux self-care. Dr. Lakshmin argues that we turn to productivity for the illusion of control it gives us. As soon as I heard her say it, I knew it was true. I definitely believe I’m one bullet journal system away from changing my life. After a bit of reflection, I understood the reason I was unsatisfied with my week was that I failed to assert control over it. This is irrational of course. Deep down, I know I didn’t attend the talk because I had to finish a job application that a mentor sent my way. I didn’t go to yoga because I had a last-minute dinner with a friend. But I couldn’t help but think how satisfying it would be to check off those boxes.

When I think about last week and this new season, letting go is a theme that comes up over and over again. It’s odd although I love fall, I’ve never thought about it as a time to release. Autumn symbolizing a time to let go is cliche, but a cliche that never interested in me. Letting go is a fall ritual I haven’t considered, but I think I ought to. “There is no transformation without loss”. Man, do I hate to lose.

I don’t know when my winter will end. I don’t know what my next job will be, where it will be, or if it will make me happy. But there are benefits to uncertainty. In Wintering May writes: “Certainty is a dead space, in which there’s no more room to grow”. I want to embrace the uncertainty without merging with the chaos. There is something so seductive about ceding all control and letting disorder reign. Yet again, I received a serendipitous message from Chani that at its heart, the equinox is also about balance.

After researching rituals for the autumnal equinox and finding nothing that resonated with me, I begrudgingly decided to follow the ritual in the Chani app. It felt disappointing and ordinary as I regularly do some part of Chani’s weekly ritual suggestions. I wanted the equinox to be more momentous, more special, but I’m much too superstitious to let the equinox pass unobserved. So I lit my incense, sat in front of my altar, and opened the app. Chani asked, “What are you learning to release so that you can come into greater balance with your joy?” On Sunday I released my desire for a perfect equinox ritual and found a necessary one. It’s the beginning of an answer. It is good enough.

[pjisskullourful]

Hi! I just wanna say that you writing is just *chef's kiss* and lately you spoil us, the Ethan girlies (even tho those are comission). And i just wanna thank you for your hard work and imaginative writing . I have been a follower of yours since the 'Gay enough' era. And you opened my eyes to new possibilities and how relationship can be and also how kinks can be part of a healthy relationships (i think we all read at least one ff on tumblr that has some dubious smut scenes and toxic relationships) . Furthermore i and surely others are grateful for your blog and works since you are one of the few Måneskin fan blogs that kept writting and is still active consistently. I sincerely can say that i can't wait for the publication of the so called 'Over me' choose your own path story ( after reading the first part you are already giving us a hard time choosing bestie) and that Ethan centered imagine you announced to publish. So excited to see a softer kind of imagines comming for you. Not to say there is anything wrong with your smut writing , on the contrary, us reader can't thank you enough for it 😏 . But it is interesting to see that kind of 'get to know' the romantic interest and picturing them in a more normal settings (bookstores, cafes, quiet dinners, movie nights, doing chores) instead of the usual sexy rockstars that are seen as sex symbols. Sometimes ppl forget that Måneskin beneath the gorgeous exterior and incredible talent are just like us , people (with needs, hobbies,that have slow days in order to recharge, going out with just their friends group, etc.)

Can't wait to read your next work. Hopefully soon. Keep up the good work up queen 👑

holy fuck this is so sweet! i am so grateful that i got to wake up to this!

stream of consciousness response from me? okcurrrr

wow! thank you for saying all of this, for taking the time to send this through. it really means a lot!

*chefs kiss you on the nose* (with consent, ofcourse)

gay enough started soooooo long ago! that was literally my second request back in august of last year, so you’ve been here for ages& thank you for that. thank you for continuing to choose to spend your time here

kinking in a healthy& fun way is importnt to me for sure*99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 (wow bebe decided to stand on the keyboard instead of eating her damn breakfast, thanks dummy kitten!) anyways, as fun as it is to be flippant& etc- i do want to normalise certain things cos i know how culture can lead to behaviour. its like how lana del rey no longer performs the song ultraviolence(or said she was gonna stop, idk, i dont keep up todate with her somuch anymore, i dont know who norman rockwell is). things we excuse in the media we consume can become things we excuse in real life. so i always try my hardest to put consent, clear kink rules& safety in my shit cos this is what i have to say at the end of the day, its a reflection of me, every word& i want to believe what i say/be able to stand behind it

so keen to hear how everyone is feeling about th eupcoming decision for the conclusion of over me! somuch fun stuff coming for part two

lets get real here-- i did consider leaving. cos things have changed& i hate change, it makes me feel very unsafe. when i was getting that aggressive troll, i was wondering if there was a point to stay& keep going cos my instant reaction was to feel so isolated. that was a really emotionally defeating instance. i was planning how i would leave for real, i was planing how i could fasttrack the end of stained sheets& gay enough& thinking how to checkout cos i was questioning how worth it this all was. but at the end of the day-- the idea of leaving was even more terrifying than how awful i felt in that moment. cos i need this, quite literally. if i left, idk what i would do with myself, other than slip further into depression.at the end of the day- i do this for myself cos every word written is a moment where im not selfdestructing& mentally ripping myself to shreds. every word written is escapism for me. every word written is defiance. every word written is creativity chosen over selfdestruction& spiraling. every word written is so very significant to me cos before this i was really messed up& i wasnt writing consistently. so imma stick around& keep doing this for as long as it makes sense for me, cos i need to write, its all i really know, for more than half of my life& its ridiculously validating to have people give any kind of a crap about it

so im sticking around. i mean, i need something to keep me occupied while i wait for maneskin to get their asses to australia(have they even heard of my country?! not sure at this point)

[eeriefettucine]

Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

I am honestly kind of speechless after reading this. I read it over four days, frequently reading it aloud to a close friend it while we did other activities. We couldn't keep our mouths shut. Every other sentence we were either laughing or psychoanalyzing this man's relationship with his father.

It's like watching an episode of South Park, which is to say, shocking in the way that ultimately leaves you feeling sorry for someone who thinks this is genuinely funny or relatable. Many of the things in this book could not be waterboarded out of me. I am beyond criticizing this author because he is beyond shame.

The only book I've ever continued to read out of confusion that it had the audacity to be so forward with its intermittent racism, body shaming, and more racism, all narrated as if the author thinks this is what everybody secretly believes deep down. It's like an entire book of your weird great uncle winking at you from across the dinner table on Thanksgiving. There is a point where he is unabashedly miserable at being forced to spend a week at his London townhouse, instead of making his third month-long trip to Italy, and this is presented in the way a normal person would grieve losing a parent. My friend and I googled whether or not it was satire after page ten. It's not. He genuinely believes these things. Save for a few ham-fisted satiric essays, this is real. Or so I'm told.

When I found myself watching The Good Place season four, and John, the gossipy stereotype of a financially privileged white gay man came on screen I thought, surely this is exaggerating. Nobody could possibly be like this. Through reading this book, I have been proven wrong. David Sedaris is like that.

The only thing I got out of it was laughing at how out of touch this man is with the real world. I hope he keeps traveling so that he is always at least a thousand feet from me at any given time. The prose is fine. The first thing that comes up when you google the author is the auto-generated question, "Why is David Sedaris famous?" and there is no solid answer.

I say none of this out of hate for the author. He's like a cartoon character to me. I simply cannot fathom that this man exists. If I were to encounter him, one of us would surely turn to dust instantly. I want to know his opinion on everything purely so that while I develop my own independent opinion, I can put his in the corner and glance at it and say damn, at least I'm not like this.

If I ever meet anyone who praises this book unironically, I will get their phone number just to block it. I can't describe what the bigotry in this book makes me feel. I'm not offended, because that would imply I take this seriously. The whole thing is like a thought exercise in what would happen should Rush Limbaugh asexually reproduce with Ayn Rand and that child be raised entirely on Netflix originals and BuzzFeed articles from 2012. It's like if your father were gay and never had you but kept all the same opinions. It's horrible and I am amazed.

Anyway, the actual content is maybe 5/10 (points for experienced, readable prose) but if you are grounded in reality the experience of reading this book is at least a 7 based on laugh value. Never have I stopped reading so often to rave to a friend, both of us guffawing and shaking with laughter, how much this sucks.

[embarrassingjon]

I feel like I’ve been a broken record about this when talking to people (mostly my boyfriends ((I’m so sorry y’all have to see this shit again, I love you)) ) but the state of the fandom I was last active in fucking sucks. I was a part of the discord for that fandom and it was fun at first but eventually it felt like no one wanted me there and so I left the discord because Why Would I Stay Where I’m Not Wanted?

I dropped a quick goodbye message so that people knew they could friend me if they wanted to and they could still message me nbd, but this is how I was feeling and I’m just gonna dip. As soon as my message went through (I had already left because I wasn’t doing it for attention) people flooded the chat with responses about how I wasn’t annoying anyone and my copious amount of fic work (seriously, me and my boyfriends were the only people posting fic at one point while everyone else complained about how there wasn’t any fic being written :/ ) was much loved and appreciated.

The thing that irritated me most about that is that they STILL aren’t reading my fic that they all loved sooooo much??? Not one of them has even tried to reach out to me to be a friend outside of the server either, which fucking sucks! Like, why pretend that anything I did was worth anything when it clearly wasn’t anything anyone wanted ever.

I am still very much into the fandom who’s server I left, but it’s such a small fandom that most everyone is either there or they don’t want to be active in fandom and I am so fucking mad that I let fandom irritate me to this degree again.

Anyway– all that to say: Fandom should be FUN. Fandom should feel like a place where people that are creating for it should feel appreciated even if you aren’t directly interacting with the content. What I mean by that is that you shouldn’t be actively complaining about how there's no new content being made by anyone when the last three writers of the fandom are working literally all of their free time into making quality fanfictions! Not to mention that damn near every single day someone was posting fanart on that server and yet there was this overall mopey attitude from the few people that were still active.

I think my breaking point was really and truly Kinktober. I wrote for about half of the days because by day 14 No One Was Reading It. Everyone had been so excited for it, and they were all blabbering on and on about how it was gonna be so nice to have new content every day and yet these people HAVEN'T EVEN READ THEM. Even on this, the day of our lord December 11th, I still have ONE Kudos on most of those and its from one of my boyfriends. Even now when I post fic for that fandom it doesn’t get anything!

Thank your fucking fic writers because thousands of words aren’t easy to produce especially when we work full time fucking hours and spend all of our free time trying to make shit for other people to enjoy.

When I say you should kudos if you got any enjoyment out of these god damn words, I fucking mean it. I’m so sick of this.

[p-t-f-s]

everytime i make a new friend or i open up about shit it /always/ ends up at one point or another they say my life is like a tv show or i should write a book or pitch my life - like more a handful amount of times, like damn near every time i make a friend. and like. i wish they were wrong when i try to look objectively at what im telling them and not just. my life that i wake up and live and go to sleep with every day. but also like. thats also a looooooooooot of people ive met??? everyone has interesting and fun stories, but most of life is so similarly repetitive that we forget it more than we experience. also i do believe it is my autistic rizz. and ability to self sooth and parent.

[its all just personal life bitching/discussion/musings below]

anyways i wish life would be calm for like. a couple months pls. i know a year is too much to ask but literally this year has been a lot. like last year was a lot but it wasnt a fucking competition. getting my car stolen again, then losing my job in what was supposed to be my 5 year anniversary, and then finding out my uncle had stage 4 cancer. then it was spring break and i got to visit my cousing with a thankfully preplanned and prepayed vacation during the midst and height and she and her husband were like "heres our cocktail maker. get as drunk as you want" which was nice of them so i stayed tipsy half the time i was awake instead of high while in seattle. went to a wine tasting expo. got throw up drunk. my cousin was very impressed by my ability to keep my manners while drunk past my tits and wait to throw up till after id rolled the window down and stuck my head out. i was getting blackout drunk bc id apparently texted my friends i loved them which i had no recollection of doing considering my phone was actively dying while i was still only actually tipsy at that expo. i was also less stress then bc my car had been found. totalled, crashed and smashed in the front which thankfully i owed less than it was worth so they payout covered the downpayment for my new car. rip to not getting my personalized horse license plate with my name on it. then i get back home and my uncle is now dead and the whole family is in town for the funeral. its been a cascade of em for a few years now since my mom started the party back in 21.

by the viewing id started a new job for a week. close by home and only a dollar less than previously. they were asking a whole lot for shit pay in truth. and NOW. I FIND OUT THE JOB I STARTED WHILE TAKING A FRAUD ACCOUNTING CLASS. MIGHT BE VICTIM TO FRAUD. POSSIBLY SINCE INCEPTION AND IN THE MOST TERRIBLY HORRIBLY OBVIOUS WAY THAT JUST KEPT SLOWLY AND SLOWLY GETTING PEELED AND REVEALED. I love it when the head of one department tells me hes in cahoots with the head of another dpt and a few workers from their and others about the terrible company shit they found and are kinda looking at other jobs. ofc he did say that after i said to his face that i was spending a bit every morning applying to other jobs after learning of the possible fraud VIA OUR """CONSULTING CFO""" having been previously convicted of fraud. twice. over a decade between convictions. were getting drinks later this week for him to tell me everything else hes found and lurked about in the system. and how no one understands what accounting is or does or how i actually spend half or most of my day playing solitaire or watching anime. bc they want me to be a controller but are calling and paying me at the clerk level. so thats what they get. i love the phrase act your wage.

theres still so many other things that have happened this year too that i still havent mentioned. like the moon hole. passive aggressive fighting with my upstairs neighbor who said i was "delusional and fucking hallucinating" bc i said he stomps in the middle of the night. and literally as i typed that there he went above my head at. ah. 10:58 pm. since my second talking to him in march i know ive not been the only one to talk to him about his shaking the goddamn foundations of the building or waking the toddler constantly in the apartment next to his, diagonal from mine. the surprise birthday party my friends threw for me after literally freightening me when i came home with surprise and each giving me different hearfelt and attentive gifts of all my different interests. weekly dinners with my dad on the same days he was court ordered to have my older siblings and i during the week as he lives 10 minutes away taking care of our grandfather. hes the only reason i get updates on my older sisters life as she blocked me on all social media and cut me from her life before our mothers death for our differing political beliefs. infighting truly is the death of leftists as out beliefs were always closer together than to that of our very republican parents. but im also not an american government shoe loving authority cuck like most the rest of em. "you know what its like to be a minority bc you were a literal minority of being white kids going to a majority black school in the city." to my fucking FACE. not only is that incredibly dismissive on so many levels but like with how LEGITIMATELY my siblings took and NOODED THEIR HEADS?????? TO IT. truly fiction is a joke compared to life.

anyways this is the most any of you will ever get from me here on tumblr in months, good luck to any of my followers seeing this who were unaware i am a person and wassup to my mutuals entirely unaware of my life and smooches to my dear dear friends who are all very aware of all of this. everyone else. idgaf, this was for me to vent and proclaim. bc i lay down in my bed with my cat looking very disappointed that im not asleep despite how late it is and i have to go to sleep keeping all of that with me for the rest of my life. oh it may not stay close, it may not be completely there by the end, but i know i will always be aware even more so than before when i was living out of my car, of what i keep in and am willing to leave in and with it. I have somehow kept that cute little cactus my friend gave my for my birthday alive still, i now have a whole wall of plants that ive kept alive for over a year, and i plant to keep that as long as I can. I have presents and gifts and memories that i plan to look fondly on tomorrow and the day after and the day after that and so on. afterall. I need to check on my plants and water them, and feed my cat. everyday a tragedy happens and still i must feed my cat. my mother was dying, and still i had to feed my cat. was she suffering? no, she was not even there anymore to be suffering and still i must go home and feed my cat and sleep and wake up and there is my cat to welcome my mornings after guarding my nights, a clear agreement that she must be fed once pleased with her pettings. my elder sister blocked me and cut me from her life before our mothers death and even during she did not change, strong in her stance and belief not even grief would change or ease her foundations. nor would my grief stop my cat from being fed. every day i wake and sleep with all these things and one day my cat will die. and i will grieve. and it will not be her that gets me through it, but she will never be parted from me again. i will wake up and make the same sleepy motions that indicate her morning ritual that will not be performed. my day will be as different and as same as it was before. i will sleep and i will wake with it all and i will meet someone new and tell them the first time i really got into energy drinks was after getting a whole case for being a smartass at 7am to emergency driving instructors. that i only started drinking coffee bc a boy who liked me worked at starbucks and so gave me a large giftcard and an in to getting my first job at starbucks. you never know why or how somethings started.

[ravelengths]

28

Life is weird.

I always find myself coming back to this blog at strange times, moments of nostalgic melancholy, periods of reflection. It is freshly a new year, so I suppose it's an appropriate time to reflect like this. There's just something odd about me coming here this time. I guess I just wanted to add another chapter to this saga. I suppose I want to share to myself what I've learned, express my thoughts as of late.

So here I am, a boy in a man's body. A boy who has navigated a great deal of confusion and pain in my time on Earth. A boy who has grown significantly, and has learned a lot, but still just feels like.. a boy. It's funny to see that I ended the last entry saying that "I have finally entered adulthood". Its funny to think that, for the first time, younger me was right about something. I pretty much hit the nail on the head.

In the time since my last entry, I have continued to work my same job, in which I have attained some pretty noteworthy credentials. I pushed myself to learn something new, pass some difficult exams, and gain some notoriety within my company. The kind of stuff I would have never imagined 5 years ago. I transferred to a location closer to home, and even got promoted to a leadership role, which pays me a wage that most people without college degrees or vocational school dream of earning. I'm so proud of myself for getting to where I am.

I'm still in the same relationship, going on 7 years now. And things couldn't be better. We bought a house together, another thing that I couldn't have dreamed of doing even a few years ago. Hell, it's still hard to believe that we were able to do it. And it's been almost a year now. And to complete the picture, we found a kitten in the car lot behind our house a few months after moving in. I was nervous to have a pet at first, but after a week we decided to get him a little brother. :) Some friends of ours found a full litter of kittens right after we found our little guy, and we wanted him to have a buddy to play with to expel all the energy he had. It's been amazing. I never knew the kind of joy simply having an animal to care for could bring. It has tremendously helped my mental health.

Along with all this, I've been a lot more active with my hobbies, at least when I'm not working (which is quite a lot). I've become a decent mechanic, I make music a lot more, and I've been getting into circuit bending and live visual art. It's been a helpful deterrent from drinking and such, as I find that I am much more focused and driven if I haven't drank in a week or more. But I'm not perfect. I've gone about a year now without smoking weed, but drinking a couple times a week is still my crutch it seems. It's much easier to go without for periods of time now, but I just can't seem to give it up completely. God knew I'd be too powerful if I wasn't an addict.

I guess I really am an adult. I work full time for the city, have a big house with my beautiful girlfriend with 4 cars in the driveway, and two sweet but demonic young cats waiting for me when I get home every day. I really have more than I could have ever wished for. Yet, I still just feel like, a kid. Maybe that's a good thing. Obviously I've made it pretty damn far in life, especially for not even being 30 years old yet. What is it that makes me feel this way? Why do I feel so weird about it? I'm doing okay, I'm not as irresponsible as I used to be, I have more than I could've dreamt of. Is it because I still have hope, and drive? I haven't just folded and accepted my fate as a boring adult? That's a good thing the way I see it. I don't know.

I guess it's just that I yearn for a time when I actually was young. For a time when I could call up my friends out of the blue and we could meet up and get into whatever shenanigans. Without the worry of having to get up early to go to work or worry about being hungover the next day. In a way I do still have friends like that, we toss aside our reasonable judgement from time to time to work on our projects together and drink and bullshit with each other. I love that. I hang onto that for dear life. I guess there are just other friends that I miss dearly.

Music is my greatest passion in life. It's always music that gets me feeling this way. It's what brought me back to this blog tonight. Specifically, the song "Zodiac Shit" by Flying Lotus came on after I put my music library on shuffle. It always brings me back to being like 16 years old, taking psychedelics with my friends, going on random adventures, doing whatever felt right at whatever given moment. I frequently long for this time of my life. Being truly free to explore life and my identity. I was definitely a troubled kid, but I lived in a beautiful delusion. It was wonderful. No matter how naïve I actually was, I really did have it all figured out. But that definitely couldn't last. And that's okay. It's not meant to last. I think the thing that sucks about adulthood, especially after the life I've lived thus far, is that things stop feeling new. It's hard to imagine having an experience that I haven't already traversed. I've lived in the underground nightlife, worked in the criminal underworld, traveled to other continents and gotten completely lost with no cell service, toured around the country in a bus with no seats to play music to hundreds or thousands of people. I've lived both as dirt poor and spoiled rotten. I've tasted all the luxuries and amenities of the elite, as an underdog degenerate kid. I've done hard, dirty laborious work with people of all colors and backgrounds. I've sipped champagne and done drugs with extremely rich people in VIP booths at clubs. I've chauffeured legendary musicians more times than I can count at this point. Even now, at what feels like the most stable and boring time of my existence, most people would still argue that I live a very interesting life. And they are right. I get to do some really fucking cool shit. Even in my professional work life, I get to do and see things that average people couldn't imagine. But why do I still look back on who I was over a decade ago with such awe?

I guess it comes down to freedom. While I am arguably at my happiest now, living an honest and modest life, I do look back fondly on the time where my body felt invincible. Where consequences weren't something that I gave much thought to. I never worried about sleep, never worried about getting in trouble, never worried about my finances. I suppose its easy to romanticize about the time when I didn't truly value my life. A time when I had no future, when I only cared for the present.

For the first time in my life, I have everything to lose. I have love, I have support, I have a home of my own, I have little kitties that depend on me. That's a beautiful thing. I am so grateful for it all. At the end of the day, I couldn't have all this if it wasn't for my past self. That dumb ass kid somehow navigated me to this exact moment. And I can't thank him enough. I'm so proud of him. I'm doing everything I can to take care of him today. I'm so glad that I've kept that child alive, instead of letting him die in the race to finding a stable life like many of the adults I've met in my life.

Maybe being a man-child isn't such a bad thing. Maybe I've still got it all figured out. I know that I am still learning every day, learning how to be a good man, a good member of society, a good friend, a good relative, a good partner. But shit, I'm doing that pretty well.

I'm doing alright.

[memeyqueenybeany6996]

The Teaching Assistant

Chapter 3

______________________________________

A couple days pass by after that, not able to hero as much due to the threat of her license being taken away. It was unfair and an abuse of power, but life isn't fair. It never is.

She can feel her older brother's grunts watching her every move and it makes her want to pull her hair out! Like come on!!? I'm 26 years old, I got no real friends, I've never dated before, all because of you!! She curses her brother to high heaven as she sits in at the cafe looking at job applications outside of New York, as well as any laws and regulations regarding reinstating a hero license if one is to be terminated.

Damn, no dice, once terminated by the government office there's no getting that license back unless I go to court.. its different if I retire, I can get it reinstated but if he really has friends in those high places he can royally screw my life up.

She sighs as she sips her frozen coffee, "he's really backed me into a corner.."

She closes her little laptop and packs it up and leaves the cafe, only to be stopped by a couple.

"Hey your Mercy right? That healing pro hero?" The woman ask standing beside her.. boyfriend? Husband?

Amelia red eyes widen a bit.. she got recognized by someone out of costume. "Um yes ma'am." She replies softly with a cute smile

"Unsure if you can remember my husband here, but he was someone you healed about last week sometime, during that bad bank robbery." The woman squeezes her husband's arm where he briefly smile down at Amelia.

"Yeah, I never did get to thank you, I've never heard of you before and was so surprised you aren't high ranking. You did an excellent job! I work as the manager of that bank that was robbed and you saved my life. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have made it home, nor any of the other Injured staff and maybe even civilians." The older man says to her

Amelia gets all blushy and a really big grin comes across her face, "there's no need to thank me, I was doing my job as a hero!" She replies to the couple

"No, what nonsense, those officers weren't even trying to help us expect the one lady officer who was making sure my Mike here didn't die before help arrived; and I'm sure there were other heros nearby that didn't even bother to come." The woman states wacking her lightly across her arm

Amelia blinks a few times and let's out a awkward chuckle, "I don't know what to say, but thank you." She says before adding

"No thank you.. if I can be so rude to say, you might surpass your brother if you keep that up." The older woman says

Amelia's body tenses, but before amelia can reply, the woman's husband is shushing his wife and bows his head slightly in thanks, "it was nice seeing you again." Before he leaves with his wife in tow

That was… Weird??

She heads out feeling warm fuzzys someone was thankful, and didn't automatically bring up her brother, though in the end to hear that woman say those words, makes her vibrate.

Is it even possible to surpass him? I mean he's stronger, bigger, his quirk gives him an obvious advantage.. Those words though. She pressed a hand to her chest, gives me hope that maybe what I've been doing the past six years isn't for naught. I'll roll with the punches, if my brother manages to convince the Hero Activities Office to take my license away I'll.. I'll sue!!

Amelia goes grocery shopping before heading home carrying to bags of groceries all the way back to the agency, keeping her head down and staying quiet. She finally makes it to the elevator swiping her card, pushing floor 18. The doors shut and reopen after a minute.

She walks with calm elegance down the long hallway as she swipes her card at her door entering her apartment kicking her shoes off and putting groceries on the kitchen counter. "I'm home Stubby!"

She puts groceries away and let's her friend play with the bags, listening to the crinkle and the purr he gives off.

"So, I was approached by a couple and come to find out~ the man was someone I saved and they were thanking me! They recognized me outside of costume too!" She states with a toothy grin as she wipes her hands together finished with groceries.

The cat meows in reply sitting on a plastic bag, obviously interested in what she said.

"Yeah pretty cool right! Makes me wanna keep going against Miguel's wishes." She says making a fist in front of her

"So even if it means making him angry I'll still do what it takes to be a hero, after all I'm not in it for the fame, but to save lives. I didn't take the name Mercy: The Medic Hero for nothing." She rambles as she leans against the counter petting Stubby behind his ears

"Speaking of which, I should probably slip my shoes on and check the postal box, maybe your old friend wrote you a reply?"

The cat rolled his single eye doubting it.

She chuckles a little as she pushes off the counter and heads to the living room plopping down, Stubby following suit, "I think it's high time I get out from this agency.. Ive been trying so long, to be like my brother, when there isn't a need to. If I get away, I could make a name for myself, not be the sister of the number three hero. I wouldn't have to be scared to open my mouth or fear others around me just want to use me to get close to him. I can be.. me." She say in a soft tone

"There's gotta be somewhere that could benefit from me ya know?"

Stubby bites the note pad sitting on the side table, which she grabs for him and pulls out the pen clicking it on and letting his white, stretchy, flexible, tail grab it and write across the pages.

'why not leave the country?' it reads

She blinks an says, "l-leave the country? I don't know. I feel like I can do plenty here in the states."

The cat writes again but a single word, 'teaching.'

"Teaching.." she trails off thinking about it, "are you suggesting I getna teaching license.. I mean I do love kids but that would mean putting heroing on hold."

Stubby gives off a huff mixed with a growl as he writes, 'hero teacher. You can be a hero teacher.'

She reads it and thinks back to the hero teachers at the Heroics Academy of New York. She knew some of those teachers still were heros just worked on and off unless they were called out for missions.

"I.. I could totally do that." She says getting a idea, "I could trick my brother into thinking I've given up being a hero and instead focus on getting my teaching license!! He would get off my back, that would also let the agency drop me cause I'm not 'heroing' anymore. Which frees me from the contract I have here. I could then really get away, start some place new.."

She paused for a moment looking at Stubby, "but that doesn't explain why the first question you asked 'leave the country'. you can't expect me to teach in a foreign country, I mean why would they hire a foreign teacher, and depending on the location one that doesn't speak the language. I'd be.. not a good fit."

Stubby gives off a eye roll and writes again, 'japanese, you've learned it.'

She blushes, "I m-mean, only because I'm weird…"

(She literally learned Japanese because she liked anime and listening to the Subbed version. She got into the culture of Japan and actually researched it a lot. She got into it as a 13 year old and just kept up with it. Though she probably doesn't know correct language etiquette but she could easily get her point across. Her dream was to visit Japan one day, especially see the cherry blossoms bloom.)

'that is true, you are weird. But your a good weird. Being a bit different isn't bad. I wouldn't have stayed with you all these years if you were to weird for my taste. Your quirky.' Stubby writes with a small chuff to her.

Stubby likes his human, she can be a bit weird at times but he wouldn't change her for the world.

Amelia red eyes soften as she gives him a pet, "thanks buddy.. I'll think on it. There's a few hero schools in Japan, but I doubt they'd hire some weird American."

'dont doubt, it could happen.' he writes back

She keeps petting him and gives with a pretty smile, "okay, okay. Enough talking, let's what Mandolarian yeah? We still got the second season hehe."

Stubby purrs and drops the pen down on the note pad as Amelia grabs the remote and turns the TV on to watch a show with her best friend.