#in philippines and she has her own room and has breaks throughout the day & days off...... like.. trust me if u actually saw my parents'

[hiraya-sa-dilim]

in the philippines, we call these guys pilandok, and their tales typically depict them as a singular anthropomorphized being or spirit.

my favorite story about him starts with an evil datu confiscating his people's gold and imprisoning those with nothing to give. noticing, pilandok takes a break from his forest guardian duties to train a hen to "lay" nuggets of gold on command. he demonstrates the hen's magic to the datu who agrees to buy her for the low low price of 1) returning the people's treasures to them and 2) freeing those he had jailed. pilandok disappears after the sale, and the datu spends a ton of his own coin to make the most beautiful quarters and procure the best food for the hen so she lays him only the finest quality golden eggs for the rest of her life. the next day, he checks on the hen, who, having run out of all the gold pieces pilandok put in her, has instead been shitting all over her room and rations throughout the night.

pilandok is the fucking best

[mithliya]

my gf directing that term at a blog harassing me is apparently the same as a man calling women cunts. 

um. 505 BD is not the average. thats the starting salary, even less so than the average starting salary. the average bahraini makes far more than 500 bd per month. the poor families i know tend to live off a salary of 600 bd per month (with one working person). my parents have been working for over 30 years and both of them work. so theyd obviously not be at the starting salary of 600 BD. and no im not ‘claiming poverty’, even you said right there that i said that im middle class. at least be consistent about ur claims.

so the average pay per month is at least 1000 BD per month which is 2500 dollars. now redo your entire calculations, and use the right average numbers and information this time. keep in mind my mother is an auditor and my father is an engineer. 

my parents saving money was when i was little. having a three storey house isnt anywhere close to special in bahrain, nor is having a maid. having a pool isnt rare either, though it isnt particularly common as well.  

 + did you check if bahrain even has income tax? obviously not 

ok so u posted proof that bahrain is around 20% cheaper than the US... and somehow you wanna claim im lying about lower standards of living and cheaper housing? consider the fact that bahrain only recently started implementing taxes, and the taxes implemented were on goods specifically..+ the free healthcare and cheaper cost of food and higher average income, 20% makes a pretty big difference lol.

this is probably the stupidest thing you couldve said. the labour is cheap because the labour is brought from outside countries with far lower standards of living. the maids, drivers, builders, etc in bahrain are almost completely from south asia and south east asia. their average pay is far less than the bahraini’s average pay, with it being around 100-150 BD. now, if the average household makes somewhere from 1000-1700 BD per month, how much would 100-150 BD be? not much. and ‘the people who work as maids don’t have maids!’ yeah no shit they don’t, how would they be able to afford their own maids when they make the same exact as what theyd be expected to pay the maids? and what would they need a maid for when they normally live in household they work in? thats such a weird point to make anyways.

i didnt say ‘everybody has a maid’, i said most have a maid. when i say that, i thought it was obvious i was not including foreigners (which make up a huge portion of bahrain’s population) but was rather talking about bahrainis. the fact that you think everyone i know is middle class is just an assumption on your part, as i said i live in a cheap & poorer neighbourhood so a lot of the people i know are lower class, and my father’s side is mostly lower class, too (they tend to be larger families and/or have less education than my dad). they still often have maids, and if they don’t its because the woman in the household is a housewife, making a maid unnecessary. 

i think my actual statement was that having a pool isnt that rare or unique. the fact that you found 3 different houses in my neighbourhood, which i stated is a cheaper & poorer neighbourhood, and a village, is actually not particularly surprising. 

and this is the most disgusting of all. out of your 3 pictures of ~my village~: one is in IRAN, a completely different country than bahrain. one is in RIFFA, a completely different town separate from my village. and one is a highway on the way to my village, not my village itself. 

you called the images of a ‘riot’.. thats fucking disgusting. these weren’t riots and a lot of the images were just people peacefully protesting being attacked by the police. the images i used were the only existing images of my neighbourhood that i could find. i suppose the fact that you failed to use a single picture of my village ‘besides the riot/protest picture’ (again, not a fucking riot nor were the pictures depicting one event either) is great in a way since it proves my point about it being hard to find an image of my village outside of the protests. ive shown several poorer neighbourhoods in bahrain. all have larger houses but are visibly different from richer neighbourhoods. as a Totally Honest Receipts blog, tho, ofc that was ignored. as was me calling out menalez-receipts being a blatant racist & UScentric idiot by using pictures of fucking iran and claiming its my village

literally when will u stop talking out ur ass about bahrain lmfao 

[katherinewilliams221b]

For A Greater Good 5/18

gif’s not mine just the text

Summary: Kate Williams, young healer and member of the Order, joins Durmstrang's staff at Dumbledore's request. Her mission? Find a Death Eater and survive long enough to tell the story. Set in 1996.

Pairing: Charlie Weasley x ofc

Masterlist

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] 

Warnings: mentions of blood and wounds (marked with *)

--

Kate opened her eyes and stared directly at the ceiling of her room. She blinked several times and her eyes got moist with fatigue.

She stood up lazily, and with one eye she looked at the clock on the desk. She still had an hour to prepare.

Standing on the cold stone floor, she stared at the dim light coming through the window. The previous day’s duel had left her exhausted and in pain, and she hadn’t slept a wink all night.

With a determined sigh, she put her robe over the T-shirt she had stolen from Charlie and her slippers and ventured down the corridor to the toilet.

Her image in the mirror reflected perfectly how she felt: in misery. She was tying her hair up when she heard voices coming from the corridor.

“I find it outrageous! You have no right to do this!”

“I have every right, ma’am. In fact, it’s my job. Who’s staying in this room?”

Kate’s eyes widened, and she walked as quietly as possible to the door.

“One of our healers. I tell you that man is not here, and this is an invasion of privacy. The British Ministry can’t do this, let alone without notice!” Astrid Rhode’s voice could be heard through the castle.

She heard a knock on her door and held her breath. Three knocks again.

“Department of International Magical Cooperation, open the door, please.” Kate instinctively covered her mouth with her hand. That was her father’s department.

The two options she had were equally bad: she could go out and be recognised by her father’s partner, compromising her situation, risking her father’s involvement; or she could not go out and have to face exactly the same situation later.

Resigned, she sighed and opened the door to the hallway.  “Forgive me. Is there a problem?” she asked in the sweetest voice she could manage. A man in a suit practically wanted to break down the door to her room.

She held her breath, waiting for the man’s reaction, but his expression remained unchanged.

“I have a search warrant for Durmstrang Institute: search and capture the Death Eater known as  Igor Karkarov.”

“I understood that the charges were dropped.”

“Things are changing. The door, please.”

“And you are?” Kate was trying to retain him as long as possible while she thought of how to keep him from finding her diary.

“This is unnecessary and insulting.” Rhode added.

“My name is Cyprus Raynott. The door.”

She gestured with her hand and shook her head. “It’s open.”

Kate and Astrid Rhode shared a look behind his back and followed him into the small room.

“Can you claim that it has been ransacked?” Raynott looked around. At one glance, he had already covered the whole space.

“Sorry about the mess, I wasn’t informed that I would be receiving visitors.” She tried to get him to see her accusatory look, but he didn’t pay attention. He pushed her aside and opened the cupboard wide.

Kate’s breathing quickened, but she managed to conceal it. She saw him touching the inside walls, looking for a secret compartment.

“Homenum revelio.”

The room fell silent, and after a while Raynott nodded.

“Everything seems to be in order.”

“In that case, get out of here. Please know that I’ll make a formal complaint to the British Ministry soon.” Astrid left the room, followed by Raynott and Kate.

“I have yet to inspect the rest of the rooms and the kitchens.”

She walked up to a painting at the end of the corridor and knocked with her knuckles.

“Sir Wedgwood, would you accompany the gentleman?”

A ghost of a man in armour came out of the painting and floated down the stairs.

“Hurry, Mr Raynott. He despises waiting.”

When they lost sight of the ministry’s employee, Astrid approached Kate with a worried expression.

“Be careful, my dear. I didn’t like this at all.” She gestured in circles, referring to the situation they had just experienced. “No one can get here unless we send the carriage for them.”

“And you think someone from Durmstrang brought it here on purpose?”

“It is possible.”

“But... why? And if they’re looking for Karkarov, why send just one person? He’s not even an auror...” Astrid shrugged and shook her head before she left as well.

--

The snow crunched under her feet as she walked. February came as quickly as the icy mountain blizzards that had left the landscape covered in white the night before.

The visit by the Ministry’s employee had left a strange aura of insecurity throughout the school. Although Astrid Rhode called a meeting specifying the reasons for the visit and reassured those present that it would not happen again, the idea that the former headmaster might be lurking around left everyone uneasy.

The story of their former teacher as a convict was not unknown to the students and that he had been a Death Eater was an open secret.

Wearing a thick scarf and gloves, Kate ventured to the entrance of the forest, where there was a path leading to the nearest lake.

Although it was perfectly marked, she enjoyed getting lost in the trees from time to time, while keeping her eyes on the castle.

Lunchtime was the ideal moment for a walk around the castle grounds; everything was quiet, and that allowed her to reflect in silence.

The lake appeared before her, stretching out to the horizon and disappearing into the mountains.

She adjusted her scarf up to her nose when a gust of wind wanted to cut her skin.

She walked carefully to the edge of the lake and admired the view. There will also be a giant squid here?

She couldn’t help but laugh at the thought and considered that probably many other creatures were moving under her feet.

“Ah! The new healer! I didn’t expect to find you here” Kate turned to meet Professor Kent Jorgensen face to face. She had not even heard him approach. “I see you’ve found my favourite spot.”

He gave her a charming smile, letting her see all the white pearls he had.

“I admit the view is wonderful. Well, the entire place is breathtaking.” Without the chaos and noise of the infirmary, Kate was able to concentrate on his mind this time, unlike the first time they’d met. No one wanted to come in. Everything was calm and peaceful, although she sensed worry and anxiety, but she didn’t dare say it wasn’t her own.

“Right? I think so too.” He threw his head back and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Aren’t his lungs freezing? She thought. Jorgensen turned to look at her.

“If you wished to be alone...”

“Uh, no, no.” Although she would have preferred that the professor’s keen eyes were not on her at any time, she had to take advantage of the situation and try to question him. “It’s okay.”

“So a new healer,” he started by putting his hands behind his back “will we have the pleasure of having you for a long time?”

“I guess it will last the duration of the contract.” She could only say. The truth was: she didn’t know the answer to that question.

Jorgensen laughed before nodding. “Yes, it usually works like that.”

“What brought you to Durmstrang?”

“Oh, it’s a long story. The story of a lifetime, in fact. I was born in Germany, but I remember little about it, I was very young when we went to my real hometown, Panay,” Kate questioned him with a look.

“Philippines. My mother, a wonderful woman, taught me everything she knew about potions. I want to implement some of them to my lessons, you know? I’m waiting for the headmistress’ approval.”

He stared at the lake but his mind was elsewhere, Kate could feel it.

“When I finished my studies there, I wanted to see the world and learn as much as I could in the shortest time possible. And then I wanted to teach. To teach everything I knew, what I had seen. Durmstrang was the only school that accepted me.”

The professor sighed deeply and addressed Kate, intending to change the subject of the conversation.

“And where are you from?”

“Well, that’s complicated. I was born in London.” Jorgensen nodded.

“But that doesn’t mean anything.” He looked at her with a knowing smile.

Kate wondered how far she should go to expose information about her, but she thought that if she did not open up, it would be difficult for them to trust her.

“I have a lot of Irish blood. And I’m tempted to say I am, even though I’ve never been.”

“Ah, that explains a lot of things...” Kate took an imperceptible step back and looked at him inquisitively. 

“Libor explained to me what happened in his class. Irish magic is characterised by its wand-less-ness. It’s part of you.”

She was about to answer when she saw the tattoo on his neck again, which appeared from under his clothes. Thinking she would follow the same conversation, Jorgensen added.

“Your nationality is not determined by the place you were born, but by where your heart resides.”

“What is... what is that on your neck? What does it represent?” He touched his neck automatically but didn’t say a word. A heavy silence fell between them.

“I have always been curious in nature.” She insisted.

“Some say it’s a giant snake, I like to think of it as a sea dragon. Are you familiar with dragons?”

Although the cold had already made her nose pinker than usual, she knew her cheeks matched now, judging by the warmth she felt on her face all of a sudden.

“So... who’s the lucky one?”

“Excuse me?”

“You have the look of someone who’s in love... and no one kisses an envelope for a mere friend... a relative, perhaps, but unlikely. I’m a romantic, but don’t tell anyone; I have a reputation to uphold.”

Kate stared at him for a long time until she realised.

“Are you a hawk?” He nodded with a bow.

“Why did you attack me?”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to. I’m Professor Rhodes’ eyes and ears. When I make the rounds in the woods, to make sure everything’s in order, I don’t like students hanging around. When I saw you in the infirmary, I realised my mistake.”

“Are you... Astrid Rhode’s confidant?”

“Yes, for years.”

“How many years?” He looked at her, suddenly suspicious.

“It’s a healer’s thing, I guess... always asking questions.” He tried to laugh but only made the atmosphere more tense. Not even Libor Marek managed to create that feeling of insecurity. Maybe it was his look or the fact that she was fifteen minutes away from the castle with no one around.

“I can’t blame you, I’m just like that too, I love to gossip, but don’t tell the other teachers, they won’t want to talk to me anymore!”

“It’s Bakunawa. A kind of god that was responsible for eclipses of the sun and moon.”

“I had it done when I was very young, more so than you even. When I first saw a sea dragon, I was mesmerised... they are majestic.” He laughed again before suddenly getting serious.

“Long, long ago,” he began with a dramatic hand gesture, “the Earth had seven moons and humans and creatures lived in peace,” Kate was confused by the beginning of the story but let it continue.

“In a village by an enchanted lake, the Bakunawa fell in love with a human girl in one of the native tribes. The head of the tribe found out about their affair and had its home destroyed. Blind with anger, tried to take revenge by eating all the 7 moons.”

“When he was about to eat the last one, God punished the Bakunawa by banishing it from its home away from the sea. That’s the story I liked best as a child.”

He rummaged through the layers of his robe and pulled out a dagger. Kate took several steps backwards but stopped as she slipped on the ice. After regaining her balance, her panicky expression was still there even though the teacher hadn’t tried to stab her.

“It was a gift from my mother.” He handed her the dagger so she could hold it by the handle. The hilt was carved with the same dragon he’d told her about, along with an inscription she couldn’t read.

“It means that no matter what you do, you will always find your way back home.” He paused and winked, “Not even if a God rips you from it.”

He retrieved his dagger and lifted it into the lake. Kate watched as the dragon on the hilt unscrewed and jumped into the water, plunging into the depths. As she bent down, a silvery mantle covered the entire surface of the lake.

Different flashes flew up and down, readjusting and twisting in the water, forming figures above it. Kate looked at the scene; the water itself was forming figures from the sky, planets, stars, and constellations.

“Muggle mythology exists to explain what has been seen and not understood. What they were clear about is that Bakunawa can, and does, predict natural phenomena, such as eclipses. Very useful in the potion industry and in... well, it’s always useful.”

“The more time I spend here I realise,” she began in wonder, “how much there is to discover and know.”

“Durmstrang is not a magic school for teaching sorcery. But because it teaches you to want more.”

The silver cloak of the star map disappeared from the water as quickly as it came, and the little steel dragon jumped out of the depths to curl up again on the little dagger.

A “pop” sound was heard from behind. The two of them turned and found a man wrapped in a thick cloak and a matching hat. Kate recognised the man as Leron Angelov, professor of transfiguration.

She had long wondered how she could get a word with the professor or at least cross his path, never thinking he would appear to her out of the blue at the least expected moment.

Leron Angelov, directly transferred from a school of sorcery in Melbourne and, according to the documents, an expert in the four branches of transfiguration.

“Ah! My good friend,” Jorgensen began. “Enjoying a walk?”

Angelov went over to where they were standing and Kate could see his face better under his hat. A hat, she thought, matched the one she saw the day she arrived. His complexion was pale and red around the eyes. He looked ill. Before she could ask him about it, he interrupted her.

“Where’s Cassandra?” His voice was hoarse and tired, as if he had not spoken for a long time.

“I haven’t seen her today. What time is it?” answered Jorgensen. He took a pocket watch from his cloak and nodded. “She should be on her way to the hospital wing.”

“In that case, so am I.” Kate added.

“Let’s go back to the castle together.” Angelov was not enthusiastic about his coworker’s proposal, judging by the grunt he made.

“How’s your son, Leron?” Jorgensen inquired. The answer was a brief “well” that was barely heard. However, Jorgensen dazzled them with an enormous smile.

“Brilliant boy, that Micael. Eleven years old and he’s practically ahead of me in my class, already.”

The walk back to the castle was uncomfortable for everyone. One didn’t have to be legilimens to know that. Leron meandered behind them. Kate turned several times but was interrupted by Jorgensen’s animated mood to talk about the weather or potion ingredients.

“So you can apparate here?” Kate preferred to keep her voice low, for some reason unknown to her.

“Oh, yes, but only outside the castle. Cassandra! We were wondering where you were!” At the beginning of the bridge, Cassandra was looking into the forest with her arms crossed and was startled upon hearing her name.

She saw Leron stagger behind them, and with a determined step, she approached. “I have to talk to you.” Kate didn’t think the mediwizard even acknowledged her.

“Not now, Cassandra.” Leron shook the hand that she had placed on his arm and reluctantly walked to the bridge. Steiner was hot in the heels.

Kate watched their backs as they moved away towards the main gate and found it very interesting that Professor Angelov was looking for Cassandra and then seemed to want to get rid of her.

“He’s not a man of many words, though compared to me, anyone seems quiet...” Jorgensen laughed at his own joke and advanced across the bridge. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Yes... yes, although I should go to my room first. I have to untangle my hair, I don’t know why, but the cold ruins it tremendously.” Although it was true, Kate needed to go upstairs and write the recent information that had just been presented to her.

“I think I can be of help to you. I can brew a perfect potion for that.” Before Kate could decline the offer, Kent Jorgensen had already walked away with long strides and whistling an unfamiliar tune.

Before she reached the main staircase, however, she turned to see if she had just heard her name.

“Miss Williams!” To her left she found Mer Yankelevich waving her black cape behind her. She got so close that Kate had to step back to defend her personal space.

“I thought,” she whispered, “I should tell you this, since you’re new...”

“I’ve been here almost a couple of months...”

“Still, I must warn you. Don’t go near Kent Jorgensen. I’ve seen you two talking and he can’t be trusted. He can be very manipulative.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Although she didn't trust the teacher, she had to remind herself that, as Professor Sprout said, ‘Sometimes a pleasant appearance hides a great danger.’

The charms teacher went on her way upstairs without looking back. Kate sighed deeply and climbed two steps before being stopped again.

“Williams. Where do you think you’re going?” Cassandra Steiner’s firm voice made her close her eyes briefly before turning around a second time.

“I was going to...”

“Don’t. We have an emergency.” Kate frowned and followed Cassandra through the corridors. “Some sixth graders have taken the headmistress’ warnings seriously and have been duelling in the west courtyard. In the column, you know, typical.”

“I don’t follow you, is that a meeting point or...?” She chuckled nervously at the fact that people were meeting in a particular column to fight.

“On the Grindelwald’s mark, of course.” Kate had too many questions and not enough time, so she chose the first one that came to mind. She would bother Corentin with the column issue another time.

“Is Professor Angelov feeling well? I saw his face, his eyes were watery.”

“His wife died some time ago. He’s still not over it.” She just said.

*

When she arrived at the infirmary, the scene before her was little more than grotesque; in all her career she had never seen teenagers get such injuries, it was clear that Libor Marek was not only teaching them ‘Flipendo’.

“Help me with this section.” The group of seven boys had wounds all over their bodies that would not stop bleeding. One of them confessed in tears that he had tried to use the Cruciatus curse on one of his classmates and begged not to tell the headmistress.

Attending to each of them was a long and exhausting process, despite having ten perfectly trained mediwizards. The cuts were small, as if made with sheets of paper, but they did not stop bleeding. 

Some mediwizards tried several potions, some others proved with spells, but the cuts and the desperation were getting deeper and deeper.

After what seemed an eternity, the boy nearest to Kate confessed to having cast the curse. Immediately, the wounds stopped.

Kate blinked several times and let go a shaky breath as she saw the pain subsiding. She raised her forearms to avoid touching anything with her hands full of blood and Cassandra went to one of the bookshelves.

“What book did you get the idea from?” She asked him.

“I don’t... I don’t know. It was on Professor Yankelevich’s desk. We’ve been studying curses. It was a green book.” He turned his head in shame and Cassandra rummaged through the copies she had until she found a moss-coloured one.

“Haemophilia Curse or The Bleeders Curse, creates cuts on the victim that won’t stop bleeding. The only counterspell or breaking curse known is the admission of the creation of the spell. The bleeding lasts indefinitely otherwise.”

“Did you know that?” Kate snapped, but the boy just shook his head with his eyes closed. Turning to Cassandra, she added, “What else is in there?”

Cassandra huffed and went to the last page. “First half seems to be curses on objects, like mirrors, walls, cupboards… second half is about curses on people.”

She closed the book with a loud snap, “Don’t even understand why would you teach this, really.” She added with a roll of the eyes.

Kate suppressed her desire to comment on how she doubted Yankelevich was using that for her class and simply said, “I’m going to wash my hands.”

Cassandra nodded and dismissed her with a vague gesture. From afar, she heard her comment “Libor will be thrilled with this.” She wanted to believe with all her might that it was an attempt at a poorly executed sarcasm, but thought with horror that it was probably the truth.

--

[Part 6]

A/N: This is fiction made by an absolute ignorant. I do an intense research about the topics that I mention, and try my best to represent anatomy, cultures, behaviours, ideologies etc. the best I can and with all of my love. I apologise for any inaccuracies that you can and might find.

--

[purplesurveys]

1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

--

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

[reifromrfa]

2: Midnight, A V x MC Reset Theory fic

Hello! It took a while but here it is! 

Happy birthday to the sweet angel/dad of the RFA, Jihyun Kim! <3

I’m not sure if this counts as an entry for @vweek​ but I thought to finish this before the day ends (at least, for me here in the Philippines!) It’s a bit long but I think my V writings will always be the longest ^^; Haha and it probably won’t make too much sense until the next chapter/s, but I hope you still enjoy reading it ^^

If you haven’t read Chapter 1, read it HERE

Without further ado, here’s Chapter 2, Midnight!

Warning: Sin ahead~

The mint-haired artist watches in silence as she steps into his home studio, the space where he keeps all his paintings. He opens the lights for her and her beautiful hazel eyes widen, those lush lips parting as she takes in all the canvas in the small space.

V leans against the doorframe, a smile forming on his face. There's a part of him that's scared she'll think he's mad...worse, maybe a part of her will think he's a psycho. But what once felt like a never-ending sprint through a forest, searching in desperation for something that was always far out of his reach, tall trees looming over him, hopelessness threatening to overwhelm him...that's not the case anymore. Now he's walking through a tranquil forest, shafts of sunlight streaming in between the trees. He doesn't need to run anymore, he can stop and appreciate nature's beauty and sounds. And he's not grasping for a ghost, a smile, a voice, a memory...no.

She's here, standing in front of him. The woman with brown hair, whose face was always a blur in his dreams. If he closed his eyes, he could conjure up her silhouette, her soft voice, feel the warmth on his cheek and her hands around him. However...he doesn't need to close his eyes for MC is right here, in this room, with him. And usually, he would take his time and speak with her, have a meal with her, court her...

But seeing her tonight at the party...it's as though he's known her all his life. He tried to be polite, to go slow. And yet, a sense of urgency within him pushed away his inhibitions and shyness.

I already know you...MC. I already know you. And I can't wait anymore. I feel as though too much time has been taken from us...I wonder...if you feel the same...?

So he stands and watches as the dark clouds obscuring the sky from him are melted away by the presence of the sun. Turmoil shifts to tranquility, puzzle pieces fall into place.

Finally, she turns to him and shakes her head. "V...What...what are these?"

Taking slow steps, he approaches her, wondering if she would be frightened. But there was no fear in her eyes, only curiosity. V reaches out a hand to MC and there's no hesitation --she slips her hand into his.

They both stand in front of half-painted canvasses, each board bearing a myriad of brush strokes: gentle strokes, haphazard ones, brash and angry, subdued and melancholy. But each artwork portraying the same theme...the same subject.

A woman with long brown hair standing in the forest, in a garden. Paintings of the brown haired woman laying on a bed, her body and gaze turned to the painter. Some perspectives were strange, as though the painter was looking up at the subject, as though he was laying down close to her, on her lap. Despite the haphazard strokes on some artworks though...her face was always painted with care; it was evident in the brush strokes. In all the artworks though, the woman's bangs always covered her eyes...V remembers how frustrated it made him, not knowing what her eyes looked like, what color they were. In every movement of his brush, he put in his curiosity, his longing, his sorrow.

V turns to the woman standing beside him and his eyes crinkle as he smiles. Finally...he can paint her eyes. For there's no mistaking it; the woman in the painting is the one whose hand he's holding tightly at that moment.

"MC," he begins. She turns to him, those hazel eyes riveted on his face, her slightly parted lips igniting feelings within him that V couldn't describe; there are no words for how this woman makes him feel. "These paintings are the scenes I see in my dreams. Scenes where a young woman with brown hair is smiling at me...crying for me...caring for me...holding me and running with me. Scenes where the worry in my heart is so great, I felt as though I would burst from fear."

"I know in my heart this woman is significant to me..." V continues, watching her reaction. "I know in my heart that she is both the sun and the moon, the one who resides in the darkest of nights and yet illuminates the path so I don't stray too far from the light. The one who rises each day to remind me the dawn will come each day, the sun will shine again and chase away the demons and the fears."

"She is you, MC. The woman in my dreams...she is you."

She is still for a heartbeat...two. The silence drags on for a few more seconds before MC takes a deep shuddering breath. Her fingers clasp his tighter and she nods.

"When I first saw your photographs, my friends teased me because I burst into tears. There was a deep ache in my heart, I felt as though I was missing something. I didn't know I was missing someone. But when I saw you in your gallery...my eyes couldn't look away. I couldn't look away." She looks up at him with unshed tears in her eyes. The emotions inside her chest are threatening to overwhelm her, but MC forces them back, she needed to tell him, she needed him to know. "I haven't looked away since then. I haven't seen you in my dreams, I can't remember who you are...but this feels right.

You feel right, V."

V takes a step towards her, his heartbeat drumming so loudly in his chest he's sure the world can hear it. But that's alright. Let them know his heart is beating for the woman in front of him, the woman whose lips are tantalizingly close...

"MC," he breathes, one hand moving to cup her cheek.

"V..." her voice trails off as he closes the gap between them, claiming her lips in his own. But no longer is the kiss tentative, no longer is it the feather-light kiss from the garden. An involuntary moan escapes her as V puts both hands on her cheeks, holding her in place as he allows his feelings to consume him. His lips move passionately, driven by the burning desire to be one with this woman. MC...his MC.

He feels her body shudder as his tongue slides along her lips, her gasp allowing him access. Their tongues perform a sensual dance and suddenly, the room feels stifling. Reluctantly, he pulls his hands away from her face and he pulls off his coat, discarding it onto the floor. Then he freezes as rational thoughts return to him and V stops, pressing his forehead against hers while trying to catch his breath.

"MC, I...That was--"

"V, please...stop apologizing." He lets out a relieved sigh as he feels her fingers against his cheek. "I want this. I want you. I've wanted you since I first saw you."

"I feel the same way, MC...Ever since you walked into my dreams and into my life...I've longed for this. For you. I know it doesn't make sense...but love rarely does, I suppose."

MC giggles and nods, her laughter bringing a grin to the mint-haired man's face. "Yes. I love you, V. I do."

"MC..." He whispers, tracing her lips with his fingers.

"Call me Jihyun."

Her arms go around his neck and he inhales sharply as she presses her lips against his, her tongue swirling around his. His hands move to touch her shoulders, sliding across the fabric of her gown before going to her back. MC moans into his mouth as V bends down slightly and grasps her thighs. MC lets out a small cry of surprise as he lifts her to him, her legs going around his lean frame with a familiarity she could get used to.

Their kisses grow more heated and one of MC's hands tangle into his hair, gripping it gently as she moans into his mouth. V feels himself straining against his pants and he walks towards his room, his hands gripping her thighs tighter as his fingers knead her flesh.

"Jihyun..." MC says breathlessly between kisses. V sees a flash in his mind, a memory of MC calling for him, her fingers twisting in the sheets. The memory disappears and his urgency grows. Hurrying to his room, he lays her gently on the floor at the foot of the bed and he reaches behind her, fingers deftly unhooking her dress before pulling the zipper down. Meanwhile, MC starts unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his slightly toned body --she knows it's because of all the time he spends outdoors.

V's hands move to her shoulders and he slides her dress off her body. His face flushes, but he doesn't hesitate, his lips kiss her shoulders. MC moans and hurriedly pushes off his clothes before her fingers start unbuckling his belt. "MC..." He murmurs against her skin, his tongue running along her skin, the way she tastes sending an intoxicating sensation through his body. He needs more, more of her.

MC succeeds in unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his pants but all the air leaves her body as Jihyun takes her mouth in his once more. He deepens the kiss and MC moans against him, tingles of pleasure spreading throughout her body just by the way he's kissing her. His hands move down to her breasts and he cups them so delicately that she feels as though he's treating her like porcelain; but no...she wanted him to break her tonight. 

"Please, Jihyun..." she whispers between kisses. She feels the rumble of his laugh in his chest, that's how closely pressed they are. But when his hands begin to massage the underside of her breasts, she gasps and throws her head back. Jihyun seizes the opportunity to kiss her neck, his fingers kneading her soft breasts. When he twirls his thumbs on her hard nipples, he hears MC gasp before a moan escapes those lips. Her cries only fuel his desire and he carries MC to the bed, laying her down and taking off her shoes. Her dress is pooled on the floor, next to his shoes and socks as he climbs on top of her. Now, she's only in her lacy underwear and he has on his pants.

MC's panting hard, her eyes already glossing over with pleasure. When V positions himself over her, she thinks it's time to rid himself of those pants but he leans down. Her whole body jerks and her head snaps back, her voice goes up an octave and she grips the bedsheets. For V has one nipple between his lips, his tongue flicking the hard bud before gently sucking on it. His fingers mimic his tongue's actions with her other nipple and MC feels her underwear getting soaked.

"J-Jihyun..." Her voice is quivering as he switches positions, his mouth sucking on her other nipple while his fingers continue their ministrations. V wants to hear more from her, the sweet sound of her moans filling his room sends splashes of pleasure throughout his system. His free hand slithers down her body and he slips them into her underwear, his slender digit teasingly stroking her sopping wet pussy.

"Ah!"

V looks up and smiles when he sees her pleasure-filled eyes looking back at him.

"Jihyun..."

A flash in his memory, of MC in a white, flowing gown, on their bed...a wide bed in a different house. Moonlight streaming into their room and illuminating her beautiful form. He was unbuttoning the cuffs on his sleeves, ready to get out of his tuxedo...

V moves down and drags her underwear off her before spreading her legs. He strokes her wet bud and MC squeals when she feels his warm, wet tongue running along her slit.

He inhales sharply when he feels her fingers tangling into his hair. Her body tenses as he rubs her clit, his tongue lapping at her. MC jerks as her body shudders, her orgasm flowing through her being. Pleasure fills her every nerve and God, he hasn't even entered her.

She wants to tell him to stop, to take off his pants so she can get a taste of him but V doesn't relent; his tongue is moving expertly between her folds and soon, he has her screaming in sweet ecstasy again. 

MC's chest is rising and falling, her breathing coming out in pants. V feels her hands reaching for his face and he rises, meeting her gaze.

"My love, come here," she says and V makes his way to her, their lips meeting for another kiss. MC can taste herself on him and it makes her feel warm. V is bracing his arms on either side of her head and MC takes the opportunity to hook her fingers on the waistband of his slacks and his underwear. She tugs them down past his hips while her tongue dances with his. When she couldn't push his clothes further, she instructs him to lie down. V complies and he expected his face to be warm, he expected to feel nervous or anxious...His first time with this woman whom he'd met only hours ago.

However, no feeling of apprehension came...only anticipation. MC took off his clothes, clumsier than he did with her dress, but V thinks it's perfect, the way his wife has little patience when it comes to him.

Wait...my wif--

MC's fingers wrap around him tentatively and V holds his breath, her touch already igniting all his senses. MC's eyes are fixed on him and slowly, she moves her hand around him. V props himself up on his elbows and watches her, his turquoise eyes hooded. She holds his gaze, making sure those magnetic eyes are following her as she licks her lips and takes him into her mouth. V lets out a soft groan, prompting MC to start moving along his length. 

His fingers grip the sheets as well, V struggling not to let his control slip away. But it's quite hard, especially when he feels her tongue swirling around him, caressing the tip. Her warm mouth feels too good, and the mint-haired man closes his eyes and leans back his head. His low groans are making her wet, and MC closes her lips around him as she bobs her head. V hisses and lets out a hushed "Ah!" before he shakes his head and calls her name.

"Darling, s-stop."

MC's eyes flick to him and she stops. V kneels on the bed and reaches for her, pulling her to him and crashing his mouth to hers once more. Emotions and sensations flood his memories and in that moment, he knew he never wanted to let her go. This woman in his arms...she's the only one capable of making him feel the way he's feeling at the moment.

Complete.

As though the colors on his palette aren't enough, because she will paint his days without a brush but with her smile, her words, her touch.

"MC, where have you been all my life?" he whispers between kisses.

"Looking for you, Jihyun," she replies. "I've been looking for you."

She gasps as he lays her down on the bed once more and he positions himself between her legs. Normally, he would ask permission...like a proper gentleman would. But when he sees his own burning passion reflected in his beloved's eyes, V knows her answer. He rubs his length between her legs and MC lets out a pleased sigh. Locking her fingers on the back of his neck, she nods to him. MC's eyes widen as she feels him going inside her, his width already stretching her. The more V pushes in, the fiercer her grip on him becomes. MC moans as he pushes in slowly and V has to focus once more, her tightness enveloping him so warmly that it's hard to hold back.

"Love..!" MC exclaims breathlessly. V starts to move his hips, following a slow, steady rhythm as he tries to let her adjust to him. Being connected like this though, has him abandoning all rational thought, and the moment they're joined it's like walls fell away inside his mind.

MC's body moves in time with his, her legs wrapped around his torso as she encourages him to go deeper inside her. V doesn't hesitate, knowing his beautiful wife will grace him with her cries of pleasure once he does.

He pushes deeper inside her and MC's voice hitches, her legs tensing around him as he fills her even more, his length throbbing inside her. She knows this sensation of having him inside her isn't new, but she can't focus on anything except the waves of pleasure rippling through her as he thrusts harder, his cock rubbing against her walls deliciously.

V leans down and presses his lips against her ear, his heavy breathing turns her on even more. He's being rougher than usual, but he can't help it --this woman ignites a fire within him that can't be doused, no matter how many times he makes love to her. The need to be with her, to love her wholly, to please her in every imaginable way...it's intoxicating, a fruit he can't have enough of, a joy he can't live without.

The more he thrusts into her, the deeper he goes and the higher her voice gets, her moans becoming screams until she's hanging onto him, her walls clenching around him as MC's whole body tenses. V pushes in and hits that sweet spot inside her and MC feels her vision go white as her orgasm sends her quivering, riding on a wave of pleasure that her has arching her back and digging her nails into his back.

V holds still and groans against her skin, feeling her wrapping around him, gripping him tightly. But no, he has to hold on...he doesn't want to end simply end here.

His wife collapses back onto the bed and pants, sweat beading her forehead. V kisses her cheek then her ear. He leans in close and whispers, "I love you, MC. Tonight, let me make love to you, until the stars go to sleep and the sun greets us."

His lips touch her cheek, then her ears and MC feels the tears slipping down her face as the memories come flooding back.

"I love you, MC." V whispers into her ear. "Tonight, let me make love to you, until the stars go to sleep and the sun greets us."

She's nodding and she's laughing as V pulls back and looks at her, tears glistening in his own eyes as well. This man is her husband, of course he is. In another time, they were already married. Yes...yes, that's right.

"Jihyun," she murmurs, grinning. V wipes away her tear and kisses her, holding her close to him, afraid she'll be pulled from his grasp once more but refusing to let go of her this time.

"I love you, MC. My darling...I love you."

"I love you, Jihyun. So much, I do." She kisses him again and again, two lovers reunited, savoring the sweet kisses but also basking in the moment of finding each other. She brushes his bangs away from his eyes, those eyes that she missed so much...the eyes she kept seeing in her dreams but would immediately forget when she woke.

Now, he's here, he's in her arms and she won't let him go...not him.

"I do not think I can say it enough, MC..." V gives her a long, lingering kiss and when he pulls away, he says, "I love you. Don't leave my side again, love."

"I won't, Jihyun. I won't." She strokes his cheek and smiles at him. "But I want to continue your promise now." Moving her body, she starts to move around him and V groans, her wetness allowing him to slip easily further inside her. "Make love to me until the sun greets us, please."

He takes her hand and presses his lips to the back of her hand. "It will be my greatest pleasure, my love."

They hold onto each other all night, two bodies meeting, saying hello, reliving their goodbye and expressing love in ways words never can. Her cries and his groans echo through the room and when they reach their climax, they follow it with declarations of their love. Then, the two stay in bed and watch the sunrise through the sliding doors leading outside. She lies in his arms, relishing in his warmth and nearness. It's there that MC stays until her eyes close...

...and she wakes to the empty bed beside her.

_____________________________________________

Thank you for reading!!! I’d love to know what you think <3

Haha sorry it’s soooo long and God, sorry for the cliffhanger! ^^; Happy V week, everyone! Happy birthday, V <3

_____________________________________________

Check out my other Mysme writings here!

Mango Shake/Ko-fi is always very much appreciated (ᵔᴥᵔ)

I’d be honored to write your story <3*

Become a Patron ! :)

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Twenty Six

It’s official: I hate my nasal passages. 

It’s like there are furry kittens growing inside of them, that’s how sensitive they are today. Not that I’m allergic to cats or any other furry mammals; at least, I still hope that’s the case. I have heard that some adults develop latent allergies later in life that they didn’t have as children. Wouldn’t that just be my luck if that happened? 

While I sneezed my brains out nearly all day, I carved out time to do a few creative and productive things. First, I made scones for breakfast; I haven’t baked scones in nearly two years. This is the first time I made them while living abroad by myself. Granted, I left them a little too long in the oven, so they came out firmer than usual. But for a first attempt in a miniature oven, they weren’t half bad, especially when I spread butter and strawberry jam liberally all over it. My colleague, N, expressed a love for scones the other day at work and I thought of her while baking this morning. 

So when I decided to do my grading for my students’ journals at a cafe instead of at home, I asked N if she wanted me to drop off some scones for her near her home since it was en route to where I wanted to go. I left my apartment 15 minutes later that what I initially told N, but the traffic was kind to me and I got to the meeting point early enough. N had a harder time getting to me after doing her grocery shopping. There’s all kinds of roadworks and construction happening in my city these days to build more subway lines and the neighbourhood close to where N lives is completely discombobulated, including all the bus stops that have shifted over slightly to make way for the construction walls. 

Anyway, N finally met me and I gave her the scones, which she was happy to receive. It seems like she’s really stressed about work since she and C are part of the recruitment process that hires new foreign teachers at my school. There have been some issues with visa paperwork and flight bookings for a new hire that has many of my colleagues completely stressed out. Thank God I don’t help out with visa paperwork at my job; I’d be two blinks away from being carted away in a straitjacket if I were. 

N had to rush off to her Chinese class and I made my way to a cafe she and C frequented the week before. The cafe has cosy decor inside and a terriffic balcony section above where you can sit outside. Sadly, the balcony was closed today; the cafe probably only opens it up in the evenings when they serve dinner. So I sat inside and did my grading, which was still nice and cosy. 

The grading itself was more stressful than I initially planned. Maybe I just over-thought it and did more than I needed to. But it took me close to 4 hours to check and correct 38 journals as well as give each student feedback and a rating based on their writing. I know that H meant well when she planned for us to do weekly journals with our students. But the plan was meant to be executed at the start of the school year and it’s already the second semester. Plus, she made C design all the journals in different formats and colours for each grade instead of just ordering ready-made journals from a publication house. Now H wants us to critique each student’s writing every single week and only give them positive feedback so they stay motivated to keep writing in class. If I have to climb up more people’s asses and kiss them from the inside, including those of my students, I might never see the sun again. 

Nevertheless, I forged on and managed to finish all my grading, even though I was hungry and the cafe suddenly didn’t serve food. But they had a menu which not only had drinks displayed on it, but food as well. So naturally I was confused that there didn’t appear to be any food. I wrapped things up and tried to call my Dad to wish him happy birthday. After all the delays with my money transfers, I was happy that I managed to send my siblings some cash to help pay for my dad’s gifts and the family brunch. But the signal was really crappy on my phone since I was outside and waiting for the bus to take me home. I managed to get back to my neighbourhood after 18:00 and made a stop at the grocery store to buy tomatoes, mushrooms and garlic. N gave me some French bread earlier, so I made some bruschetta for dinner. Not the healthiest meal to have, especially right before going to the gym, but it kept the hunger pangs at bay since I inadvertently skipped lunch. 

My parents and siblings ended up going on a drive around the beach, which gave me enough time to have a good session at the gym almost unimpeded, shower and then head home. I even had time to go to work beforehand to pick up the new headband I ordered for the gym that I used for my workout. Unlike last week’s ultra-crap fat-loss regimen, I practically aced it the second time around tonight, which kept me in good spirits. 

I got home after 21:00 and called my Dad again. With most phone conversations, I don’t always know what to say to him. I don’t know why, I just run out of safe topics quicker with my dad than with my mom. My mom and I aren’t as close, but we find ways to talk about very superficial things like who’s a new and upcoming contestant on ‘Idols’ or what new wave of crime hit my old neighbourhood this time around. I’m closer with my Dad, but it’s hard to grab time with him to have a good heart to heart. Still, I was in an excellent mood and the conversation flowed well, especially when we talked about dishes we’d been cooking in the kitchen lately. It makes me realise how much I miss my Dad these days. 

It was great catching up with my mom and my siblings too; I feel bad that P and G have been treated to my depressing and morbid side too much lately. So it felt good to ask how they’re doing and make lots of silly jokes to keep the mood light.  Even though I wished I could’ve been home with my family celebrating my dad’s birthday today, I’m happy they’re still able to have fun without me too. Sometimes I feel guilty about being so far away from home, but I know my family loves and supports me no matter. I’m really lucky and it’s time that I start acknowledging and embracing it more often. 

Throughout my busy day, I still thought of X on occasion. When I walked to the grocery store earlier, this called ‘Loving Strangers’ by Russian Red started playing in my iTunes library. That brought up a flood of memories all related to X. I actually liked that song long before X and I even became friends, but I put her onto it and it eventually became one of our songs that epitomised our relationship. The song is from a soundtrack for this lesbian romance movie called ‘Room In Rome’. It’s about these two women who meet at a bar in - you guessed it - Rome, and end up spending the night together in a beautiful Roman hotel room. It wasn’t the best acting in the world, but the chemistry between the two actresses was on sizzling and the movie had a scintillating soundtrack too. 

Anyway, X and I both loved the song and the movie and watched it together a few times over 3 years. When I visited her the first time in the Philippines, we stayed a lovely 5-star hotel for our last night together. Unintentionally, we acted out a few romantic scenes from the movie. Like dressing up in fluffy bathrobes after taking a swim in the hotel and staring out the window together at the city skyline. Of course, we improvised with other things, like slow-dancing in our bathrobes to Coldplay’s ‘Sparks’ and ‘Loving Strangers’ in the middle of our hotel room. 

That night was so bittersweet for me because my flight back home was at 4am (I still don’t know why I booked that absurd flight time), so X and I only had a few hours together in that hotel room before I left her. I felt like Cinderella on the night of the ball with the Prince. For those first few hours, everything felt magical and wonderful. But as soon as the clock struck twelve, reality kicked in again and it was time to go back home in my pumpkin carriage. 

Being with X always felt like a beautiful dream that I was eventually going to wake up from. Now I’m finally awake and it’s still disorienting knowing that we won’t have more beautiful memories together or new shared experiences to make life a little sweeter than it was before. But I’m trying my best to move on and only focus on the crappier aspects of X’s personality to make me miss her less. What I need is to just land myself a hottie Sugar Daddy or Sugar Momma with low self-esteem on the next go-around with a relationship and hope to God they never get clued in on the fact that they could do better than me. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a catch in a lot of respects, but I am also a hot mess. I’m a slow learner, but I’m getting better and wiser with time. 

Shit, it’s past midnight and I’m starving. I’m trying hard not to snack late at night, but I haven’t been eating well lately because of stress and my depression kicking my proverbial butt. Does this even still count as a diary entry for 7th September? 

Since I’m making up the rules for my own happiness now, I say it still counts. And from here on out, I’m gonna do whatever the hell I please. 

[tinamaetales]

2018 Playlist

When the music is good, it is unavoidable – YG

I have come to a realization that music is the universal language – for it has the ability to speak to one’s soul despite its origin. For me, music knows no nationality.

It’s pretty obvious by looking at my recent posts that I’m into the Korean pop culture these days. It all started with my interest in watching k dramas and then I fell in love with most of their OSTs and then I learned about iKON and from then on, I’m whipped.

Most of the songs that I listen to this year are not just songs for me – they mean more than that. I’ve told countless stories of how my panic attacks are being triggered but I guess I’ve never really told most people one of the ways that help me cope up during those worst attacks – music. Especially iKON’s songs.

Anyway, here are the songs that helped me get though a lot this year. These songs made me feel less lonely and help me survive each day; here’s my top 10:

1 Runaway – iKON Bobby

“In the mirror, it’s not the me I used to know. I want to chase after my dreams but responsibility weighs you down”

“I lay on my bed but it doesn’t feel like home. I just wanna go far away. Even if the sun rises tomorrow, even if there’s hope, the words ‘good morning’ mean nothing to me”

This song’s lyrics speak to my soul in a whole different level. I feel like the entire song is a reflection of what I am truly feeling but I just can’t tell anyone about it. Most of the time, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that I just wanna run away because escape is the easiest thing to do when things become too much to handle.

2 Climax – Team B/ iKON

B.I.’s rap: “……Tell them to believe in me, that I would definitely succeed. This is not just mine but the life of 6 others. I’ve been looking for a chance lifting them all on my shoulders. I had no other choice but to endure much pressure and failures….and if God will ask me, ‘Won’t you regret it?’ I’ll answer without hesitation, ‘Why would I regret?’ I’ve bet everything and there is no next time. I’ll show you that my determination is like no one else’s”

This is every iKONICS’ weakness for it tells about the beautifully tragic journey of Team B towards reaching their dream of getting debuted. What I love the most about this song is its ability to lift one’s morale. Even though this song was written in a personal level, I felt like their journey was also mine. B.I.’s rap part followed by Junhoe’s verse never fails to make me cry. This song reminded me of how far I’ve come through and there’s no room to quit because I didn’t get this far to only stay this far.

3 A little too much – Shawn Mendes

“Everyone said that she is so strong but what they didn’t know is that she could barely carry on”

“Sometimes it all gets a little too much but you gotta realize that soon the fog would clear up. You don’t have to be afraid because we’re all the same”

There will be a point in our lives wherein everything feels like too much – when you feel like you’re drowning in problems and uncertainties. With this song, it serves as a reminder that the overwhelming feeling of life’s negativity happens to everyone – not just with me. And somehow, someday, things will get better.

4 Freedom – iKON

“At my age, my potential is bursting”

“What’s harder than living is finding the reason to. You might not be able to do the things you want. I’ve gotten to this point by doing things I hate”

Whenever I listen to this song I can’t help but relate it with the movie Goyo. I feel like this song’s lyrics fit perfectly with the movie’s theme. The movie Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral tells the story of one of the Philippines’ youngest general, Gregorio Del Pilar, and how he manages to handle his role during the Philippine-American War. The movie is fearless in telling the story of the hero – that a hero is not a cold statue that is perfect because of his heroism but a hero who is a human capable of making mistakes. In fact the director of the film, Jerrold Tarog, has said that the reason why they focused on Goyo’s life as a general during the war instead of making it the typical movie about a hero (birth-build up-heroism-glorious death) is to be able to tell the story of a hero who became human instead of a human who became a hero. The overall theme of the movie is about youthful negligence, blind allegiance, and misplaced loyalty (like what Irish Dizon, a writer, said) and I really can relate it to the lyrics of this song. My own interpretation of this song is that it tells the story of a young person who craves for freedom but isn’t aware of what comes along with it; it is like telling the people around him to allow him to live his life the way he wants to and yet he’s not aware of the responsibilities that comes along with freedom. I love the contradicting views that Bobby’s rap part has shown because it shows the frustration of the youth today:

At first he said, “Don’t call mistakes a thing of the youth”

But on the last part of his rap he said, “I make mistakes, please embrace me with the excuse of youth”

I guess those phrases are the right representation of this thing called “youthful pride” in which young people tend to have the confidence that they can do anything and everything for they are young and have the fresher perspective in life; when you’re young, you want to do everything and you crave for success so much thinking that the way there is easy. And when you started making mistakes here and there, that’s when you’ll realize that you still got a lot of things to learn and you still have a long way to go before you can succeed.

5 Social Casualty – 5 Seconds of Summer

“Save me from who I’m supposed to be. Don’t wanna be a victim of authority, I’ll always be a part of the minority.”

My own interpretation of this song is that is a cry for help. Seems like the person is aware of his/her own actions’ consequences and it is drowning and/or killing him/her and yet it feels like there is no stopping. The person is crying for someone or anyone to help him/her before it’s too late.

6 In My Blood – Shawn Mendes

“Sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough. Someone help me.”

This song is another cry for help and I can relate to this very much. There are times in my life wherein I feel like no matter how many times I drink my anti-depressants, it still doesn’t take away the overwhelming feelings of sadness, frustration, resentment, anger and regrets. Most of the time, you just want to give up but there is something in you, a tiny spark of hope, which makes you want to hold on and continue fighting and I guess this song tells us this message.

7 The Climb – Miley Cyrus

“…..sometimes I gotta have to lose. Aint about how fast I get there. Aint about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb”

I’ve always considered this song as my motivation. What I love the most about this is that it talks about the journey that one would go through before reaching the top instead of just telling the story of success. I love its realistic approach as it says that “there’s always gonna be another mountain….always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose….” Because that’s how life is, right? One success doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story – you will still experience a lot of setbacks, some are even worse than the other, but what’s important is that you know how to pick yourself up and fight again.

8 Ready to Run – One Direction

“Cause I wanna be free and I wanna be young. I’ll never look back now I’m ready to run”

And even though most of the time I still feel so afraid of the world and the chaos that it always bring, the fighter in me says that I should “Keep on fighting. Take the risk” and that’s how I feel every time I listen to this song. If I don’t take risks then someday I would be filled with the “what ifs” and “I wish I could’ve done” and that would suck. It would be better to be fearless sometimes because at the end of the day, if things go wrong…if things didn’t end up the way you’ve thought, at least you can charge it to experience. At least, you’ve learned something.

9 Sweeter than Fiction – Taylor Swift

“It’s like we don’t remember the pain that we thought would last forever”

What I love the most about this song is its calming melody. Whenever I listen to this, somehow my mood lifts up. This song is perfect for celebrating one’s success – even though they are just small victories. What I’ve realized throughout my journey in 2018 is that even the simplest things such as deciding to show up at work and do your job even though deep inside you are breaking is already a victory; it doesn’t matter how big or small your achievements are, because an accomplishment is always an accomplishment. Life is tough, but we can endure.

10 Little Me – Little Mix

“Wish I knew back then what I know now. Wish I could somehow go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice. I’ll tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder….tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn’t see…..you can be anything you wanna be”

If I could give my younger self a message, it would be the lyrics from this song. I always feel a bit emotional whenever I listen to this because I can’t help but look back at my younger years. As a child, my confidence is at its lowest point because I am afraid of facing the world. I never really have friends, being alone is my solace. I tend to isolate myself as a defense because I don’t want people to hurt me and such habit of mine left an impact on what kind of person I’ve become today. I’ve realized that if only I was braver, I could’ve made my early years better and also, if I’ve got people who supports and believes in me, things would’ve been different today. While writing this, I remembered Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray’s words: “I’m standing here today because someone believed in me. We owe it to our children to believe in them” I can’t change the past but I can definitely do something now – I will start it by guiding my younger cousins and be there for them when they need support and a friend to talk to.

 <next on the list are in no particular order, but I listen to these songs a lot>

Love Scenario – iKON

South Korea’s Song of the Year for 2018. This song is really catchy and easy to sing along with; in fact, even if you can’t speak Korean, you can easily learn the lyrics of this song. However, even though it has a “happy” melody, the lyrics are a bit painful. This one tells the story of someone accepting the fact that something in his life is over and even though it hurts, as long as you have the memories to look back, then that’s good enough.

Killing Me – iKON

Even though this song is a sequel to Love Scenario and it tells the story of a break up, I’ve connected with this on a different way. For me, it was about a dream of mine that I’ve let go because I thought it’s best for me to pursue other things but here I am, finally experiencing the weight of my decision and it is KILLING ME ;) Bobby’s last verses in this song speak to my soul so much:

“The once extinguished fire is burning up again. Is it because of the painful longing or just my selfish loneliness?”

Goodbye Road – iKON

This is the last part of the break up trilogy and it is about saying goodbye for real this time. If in Love Scenario the person was positive and accepting about the break up, in Killing Me he felt the weight of it, this time in Goodbye Road, he is now finally willing to let go. The melody of this song is so beautiful that it makes it more painful to listen to because of the lyrics.

Just for you – iKON

This song is dedicated for iKONICS only.

Don’t forget – iKON

Its lyrics: “Don’t forget us, don’t forget me” is how I would like to tell the world that people who are suffering from mental disorder needs treatment too. Just because our pain and battle is invisible doesn’t make it invalid. Don’t forget us in your prayers for the healing of the sick.

Rubber band – iKON

Only You – iKON

Beautiful – iKON

Bestfriend – iKON

Apology – iKON

My Type – iKON

Hug Me – iKON

Don’t let me know – iKON

Everything – iKON

Dumb and Dumber – iKON

Long time no see – iKON

Make you proud – iKON

B-day – iKON

This is the best birthday song ever!

(can I just put iKON’s entire discography here? LOL but tbh, I listen to iKON’s entire discography everyday because all songs are really good!)

I love you – Bobby

One and Only – B.I.

The Eve – EXO

Heaven – EXO

Shine – Pentagon

Beautiful – Crush (Goblin OST)

The first time I listened to this song, I fell in love immediately

Stay with me – Punch ft. EXO Chanyeol (Goblin OST)

This song has some mysterious vibes in it which makes it perfect for the drama’s theme

Do you know – Gummy (Love in the Moonlight OST)

Everytime – Punch ft. EXO Chen (Descendants of the Sun OST)

Eternal Love – Michael Learns to Rock (Healer OST)

Perfect song for a wedding!

Melting – K. Will (LITM OST)

Hush – Lasse Lindh (Goblin OST)

Sunflower – Younha (Doctors OST)

No Way – Park Yongin, Kwon Soonil (Doctors OST)

You are my everything – Gummy (DOTS OST)

Let me out – NUEST W (Hwayugi OST)

When I saw you – BUMKEY (Hwayugi OST)

I miss you – Soyou (Goblin OST)

I will go to you like the first snow – Ailee (Goblin OST)

Bless the Broken Road – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

This one’s great for a wedding too! This song is great to play as the bride walks down the aisle

Little Do You Know – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

Forever – Damien Fernandez

Stand by me – SHINee

Scream – Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson

Rewrite the Stars – The Greatest Showman OST

Really Really – Winner

My Person – Park Bo Gum (LITM OST)

Prom – Ebe Dancel

Oks Lang Ako – JROA

Haru Haru – Big Bang

As if it’s your last – BlackPink

Photograph – Ed Sheeran

Broken Home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hanggang Wala Nang Bukas – Ebe Dancel (Heneral Luna OST)

Long Live – Taylor Swift

Drag Me Down – One Direction

Rejects – 5 Seconds of Summer

Long way home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hey everybody – 5 Seconds of Summer

I want you back – 5 Seconds of Summer

Youngblood – 5 Seconds of Summer

Perfect – Ed Sheeran

The Middle – Zedd Grey

Never be the same – Camila Cabello

There are still a lot of songs that I wanna add here but I guess this post has been way too long already. Anyway, to anyone reading this I hope you can listen to some of the songs I’ve posted here : )

 X,

TinaMae

[s0meday-blog2]

when i come back to you

You really don’t know what you have until it's gone. Unable to speak or move on her own, my maternal grandmother watched her loved ones sit by her side. The feeling of helplessness and weakness gleamed through her eyes as she accepted her time in this world coming to an end. Her weight, which was almost as light as a feather, and was so skinny that her bones were defined like someone trying to hide under a thin blanket. My paternal grandmother, on the other hand, was healthy and happy at the time. But little did I know, this trip to the Philippines was going to be the last time I would see both of them. 

Both my grandmother’s lived ten thousand, five hundred and forty-one kilometers away, and I have only visited her three times in my twenty one years of living. I came to a realization that I had never deeply bonded with them, learned about who they really were, or knew the things that they liked. They were  simply another person I so happened to call “Grandma”. Through the short time I’ve visited, they tell me they love me and made me feel just as important after being so distant physically and emotionally. They were always there when I came back home to visit, and that was just always what I thought it would be like - something I took for granted.

My maternal grandmother was dying. I had no words or emotions to explain how I felt, other than confusion. I was so shocked, and bewildered by this news, and I genuinely could not identify my feelings, because of how distant I was to my grandmother. There was only one thing that ran through my head.

“This is my grandmother who’s suffering. My grandma. My grandma. My grandma.” I repeatedly thought to myself.

My heart was heavy and my mind was racing with thoughts.  She seemed so foreign to me, that it devastated me to reassure myself of who this person was in my life. I came home to overwhelming news that we were going back to the Philippines within a week to visit my grandmother, just in perfect time as spring break was approaching.

After an exhausting fourteen-hour flight, my body was surely ready to get up and get going. I stepped out of the airport and into the scorching hot and humid weather. Throughout the three times I’ve stepped foot into this country, it was always filled with so much excitement, and smiles as I watched my parents reconnect with their siblings, and reunite with the land of their birth. But that time, I watched my mom defeat that rush of joy of finally coming back to her childhood home. However, we went straight to my mother’s childhood home, where we saw my grandmother lying on her bed, frail and helpless. As my mother rushed past me and towards her, I stared at them, as she hugged her own mother so tightly, like a child not wanting to let go of his toy. I began to feel emotional, as I saw her lying so powerless, and incapable of performing regular actions such as sitting up on her own. I glued my eyes to her impotent and dragging face, and I walked towards her rustic wooden bed, and began to hug her. She tremblingly kissed my cheek as tears rushed down my face, where I saw joy shining through her gleaming eyes. At that moment, I opened my eyes, and saw how much it meant for her that we were there by her side. I realized that I was so caught up with the thoughts of who she was to me, rather than who I was to her. Seeing her in person taught me that no matter how far I was from her, I was important to her and that she needed me especially during this challenging moment in her life.

I hit a point where this little time I know I have left with her, was to make up the time lost, until the day it was time for me to leave. I stepped into the plane, and as the plane flew into the air, and we no longer touched Philippine land, I looked out the window and that’s when it hit me.

“And that’s that. That was the last time I could have possibly seen her.” I thought deeply.

A shiver ran up my spin for a second, and again, I couldn’t grasp the mixed emotions running through my mind. About a week after I left, on April 8th, at six o’clock in the morning, my dad received a phone call from my mom and walked into the kitchen and broke some news.

“Your grandma has passed away,” he says.

 I always believed that even though I was far away, she would still be there when I went back to the Philippines. I recalled the exact moment she muttered “I love you”, as her final words to me before I left. I remembered that knot in my throat as I left her room. It was a situation where we both knew that this was the last time we would ever see each other.

But little did I know, I was so focused on saying goodbye to my maternal grandmother, that I left the Philippines forgetting it could also be the last time I saw my paternal grandmother. All these years, I had felt I could still have time with her, and hug her one more time. And as of July 19th 2021, the feeling of regret fills me, and shivers up my spine that without a thought, that trip was my last goodbye. 

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 07/30/2021

Australia:  JUST IN - Australia will not reopen its borders for travel until 80% of the population is vaccinated - Prime Minister Scott Morrison

World: Holy Mother—the worst CDC #DeltaVariant report ever: MORE CONTAGIOUS than Smallpox* DOUBLE transmission of Wuhan 1.0* MORE SEVERE than ever* Vaccinated can transmit* & breakthrough viral loads ~ unvaxxed.

Japan:  Japan Medical Association fears medical system will collapse if Covid-19 surge continues

Florida:  BREAKING: AdventHealth hospital system puts Central Florida Division on code black due to surge in coronavirus patients

Florida:  COVID-19 hospitalizations in Florida have reached the highest level since August. At the current rate it will reach the all-time high within 7 days

California:  Los Angeles Unified School District, the 2nd-largest in the U.S., says all students and employees will have to wear masks and be tested weekly, regardless of vaccination status

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 96,000 new cases, biggest one-day increase since February - New cases: 96,085 - Average: 71,092 (+4,459) - In hospital: 44,245 (+1,635) - In ICU: 10,874 (+411) - New deaths: 398.  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 44,000, highest since April

California:  Los Angeles County reports 3,248 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since February (Note: CA has one of the highest vax rates in the US)

US:  CDC Director Walensky says new masking advice was largely based on soon-to-be-published data showing that virus can thrive in the airways of vaccinated people, even if they're asymptomatic - NYT

US:  BREAKING: Biden orders vaccine mandate for all 1.5 million members of the U.S. military - NYT

Japan:  *JAPAN PM SUGA TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE AT 7PM JST

Japan:  JAPAN'S TRADE MIN. KAJIYAMA: JAPAN PROPOSES EXTENDING THE STATE OF EMERGENCY IN TOKYO AND OKINAWA OVER COVID-19 UNTIL AUGUST THE 31ST.

Philippines:  PHILIPPINES REIMPOSES LOCKDOWN IN CAPITAL FROM AUG. 6-AUG. 20

South Korea:  South Korea: Daily virus cases over 1,700 as infections grow amid summer vacation season

Florida:  Baptist Health in Jacksonville, Florida, warns that its hospitals and emergency rooms are at maximum capacity.

Texas:  BREAKING:  Only 13 ICU beds are available in Central Texas across 11 counties.  2,375,407 people live in the Trauma Service Area O.   That’s only 2% of ICU beds available in Central Texas. This is the lowest level of ICU beds since the START OF THE PANDEMIC.  

Arkansas:  Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson on Thursday declared a public health emergency amid a surge in COVID-19 cases and announced a special legislative session to change a law that prevents public schools from requiring masks:

Malaysia:  #COVID19 Malaysia recorded 16,840 new positive cases with 134 deaths.

Illinois:  CDC COVID risk map: Cook Co. to issue mask rules as data shows 'substantial' COVID-19 transmission - WLS-TV

Kenya:  The Kilimani Street Festival has been postponed following the COVID-19 briefing by CS Mutahi Kagwe, and restriction of public gatherings. It remains our primary responsibility to ensure we comply with the above directive, and help in curbing the spread of COVID-19.

Malaysia:  Malaysia busts another ceiling with record 1,055 patients in ICU for Covid-19 today | Malay Mail LINK

RUMINT (US):  BREAKING: Six passengers on Royal Caribbean's Adventure of the Seas cruise ship (which I am sailing on) have tested positive for COVID-19. Four are vaccinated, two are unvaccinated children. Passengers have not yet been notified. Story to come.

Vietnam:  Vietnam confirms 8,622 new COVID-19 cases and nearly 300 deaths LINK

Massachusetts:  91 vaccinated Mass. residents have died from COVID-19 as breakthrough cases surpass 6,000 This is why the Biden Admin is freaking out. MA is a leading indicator. LINK

US:  This new change doesn't seem to be getting the attention it deserves.... The C.D.C. now says fully vaccinated people should get tested after exposure even if they don’t show symptoms. LINK

US: Op/Ed:  As a pediatrician I'm going on record saying that allowing kids to be freely infected with a novel disease that has unknown long term consequences is the worst idea of 2021 despite being a pretty crowded field so far #COVID19

Arkansas:  'It's going to be dark days here in the next couple of weeks,' said UAMS Chancellor @drcampatterson. @NBCNews @shaqbrewster said that's scary to hear him say. "I've haven't said that before," Patterson replied. #covid19ark LINK

UK: Covid infection rates in England are STILL going up, random testing reveals: ONS figures show an increase despite dramatic plunge in daily infections - adding to fears that people are hiding symptoms to avoid being 'pinged' LINK

RUMINT (Florida):  My mom lives in Florida and works at a medical clinic near Melbourne. She said her whole office is worried. "We are getting emails from admin that they may be sending some of us out of the clinic to help at the hospital and that includes me. They want us to work 12 hour shifts too." "My employer owns a lot of hospitals and the one closest to hear is near full capacity. They said the nursing staff is at the breaking point there." She is 65 years old and is high-risk with diabetes and some heart issues. Trying to make her work in a hospital for 12 hours shifts?!?!

World:  Vaccination alone won't stop the rise of variants and in fact could push the evolution of strains that evade their protection, researchers warned. They said people need to wear masks and take other preventative steps until almost everyone is vaccinated. LINK (LOL)

World:  * WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION HEAD TEDROS SAYS HARD-WON GAINS IN FIGHTING COVID-19 ARE BEING LOST

NYC:  BROADWAY AUDIENCES WILL NEED PROOF OF VACCINATION AND MASKS - NYT

US:  As of July 23, there have been 11,940 deaths, 11,198 life-threatening adverse events, 12,808 cases of permanent disability, and over 106,000 hospitalizations and emergency room visits following Covid vaccination reported to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System #CovidVaccine

Florida:  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to issue executive order to give parents the right to decide whether their children will wear a mask at school

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 45,000, highest since March

US:  (READ) CDC: 74% who got Covid-19 and most who were hospitalized in recent analysis had been fully vaccinated. LINK

Massachusetts:  Vaccinated people made up three-quarters of those infected in a massive Massachusetts covid-19 outbreak, pivotal CDC study finds

US:  Walmart will require employees in high COVID-19 transmission areas to wear masks again LINK

US:  FDA, UNDER PRESSURE, PLANS ‘SPRINT’ TO ACCELERATE REVIEW OF PFIZER’S COVID-19 VACCINE FOR FULL APPROVAL – STAT NEWS

Louisiana:  Masks, face coverings now required in all East Baton Rouge library buildings LINK

Uganda:  #Uganda: PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS ON COVID -19 Schools remain closed. Learning to continue virtually. Burials, weddings and other marriage ceremonies restricted to 20 people. Inter district movement of private vehicles allowed but with a restricted number of passengers.

UK:  JUST IN - SAGE, the UK's health "expert panel," warns next Covid "super mutant variant" could kill up to one in three people, and the "vaccine roll-out may even speed up mutant strain's emergence." (Daily Mail)

US:  JUST IN - More than 110,000 breakthrough cases in the US (Bloomberg)

UK:  Sewage monitoring has shown there was a "widespread increase" in the concentration of COVID-19 in England throughout June LINK

UK:  NEW: NHS secretly drew up plans to withdraw hospital care from people in nursing homes in the event of a pandemic

US:  Breaking: COVID-19 just released a rare statement. "Thank you for not learning anything from the past 16 months. I really can't believe it's this easy to keep the pandemic going. See you at Sturgis!"

Hawaii:  BREAKING: Hawaii reporting high number of 622 new #COVID19 cases statewide today - caveat: that includes getting caught up from electronic reporting backlog - but 3 day average now over 300 cases per day @KITV4

Florida:  BREAKING NEWS: COVID-19 cases continue to be on the rise in Florida as the state reported more than 100,000 cases in the past week. The state’s new case positivity rate also surged to 18.1%. LINK

US:  Walmart requires that headquarters staff be vaccinated against COVID-19 by Oct. 4, while Disney gives workers at all U.S. locations 60 days - MarketWatch LINK

US:  JUST IN - U.S. House adjourned for a 6-week August recess without passing an extension of the eviction moratorium which expires Saturday, leaving millions of Americans at risk of losing their homes.

US:  FDA okays Regeneron COVID-19 antibody as preventive in high-risk settings LINK

California:  #BREAKING: Coronavirus cases have spiked yet again in San Diego County, reaching a new daily high total since Feb. 5, county officials confirmed Friday. LINK

Arkansas:  NEW: Arkansas reported 2,544 new COVID-19 cases today. Hospitalizations increased by 32. LINK

Missouri:  How a Tiny Town With an Anti-Mask Mayor Caused COVID Chaos LINK

Missouri:  ‘What’s your breaking point?’: Over 300 hospitalized in SW Missouri — including kids LINK

US:  U.S. CDC chief says there will be no federal mandate on COVID-19 vaccine LINK

Florida:  The reigning Florida of America… is still… Florida. If no mask or mitigation, then FL is headed towards a burn  through. That’s like a forest fire that fizzles out when it runs out of wood/bushes/grass to burn. God save the good people of Florida. #COVID19

South Africa:  Refusing a Covid-19 vaccine in South Africa could now drive up your life-insurance premium similar to other risk factors such as smoking, a South African insurer said this week, in a move that is likely to be watched closely by other industry players LINK

[soundcheckmnl]

Love at first song with Celine Dion

Written by: Anna Pangalanan

The woman on the stage has a voice like that of a muse-- cold and smooth, that which prompts a divine outpouring of sounds that stir the soul.

A closer look though would reveal that she is not an ethereal being, but still very much God's blessing to humankind-- the timeless Celine Dion, whose powerful voice filled every corner of Mall of Asia Arena last July 19 and 20.

After years of waiting, Dion was able to hold a concert in the Philippines, a two-day extravaganza filled with visual and aural treats. This is also the first time that the songstress visited the country, and it looks like it won't be the last after experiencing a warm Filipino welcome.

In 2014, Dion canceled her tour in the Philippines to take care of her husband-manager, Rene Angelil, who was then battling cancer. He passed away in 2016. Days after his death, one of Dion’s brothers also succumbed to cancer.

“Don't ask me why I took so long. Maybe because I lived far away,” she jokingly said.

And on a more serious tone, she added, “You have been supporting me for nearly three decades. It’s either you are crazy or extraordinary.”

Powerhouse performance

Dion’s performance can be likened to an offering of some sort, a worthy gift to those who braved the traffic and torrential rain just to see and hear her sing live.

Clad in a golden suit, Dion kickstarted her concert in front of 20,000 fans with hit songs like “That’s the Way It Is”, “Because You Loved Me,” and “I’m Your Lady.”

Before going all out with the whole concert program, Dion set the viewers’ mood. The night, she said, belongs to the audience.

“Tonight it’s your music, this is your concert. It’s all about you. And I want you to have the best time ever. Let’s have some fun together,” she enthused with a big smile

She then continued belting out songs such as “Beauty and the Beast” from the Disney movie of the same title; “Ashes,” the theme song from the movie “Deadpool 2” complete with a hilarious side story; the classic “Think Twice”; and “Falling Into You” complemented with a short sexy dance number.

She would do shimmies here and there, but Dion would always return to the slow songs that show the strength and integrity of her voice. The Canadian singer’s repertoire included “Recovering” which Dion said was a gift from a fellow artist Pink, given during the toughest moment of her life; followed by the hit song “All By Myself”; her own version of Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen”; and “Unison” which was accompanied by a string quartet.

Dion’s energy is notable. As the hours went on, so did her arias, but there was never a moment of hesitation in her voice or a sign of weariness in her step. Her short breaks are usually for wardrobe changes. The performer gave her 100 percent, and perhaps that is the strongest reason there was no dull moment in that two and a half hour concert.

There was no need for magical tricks or smokes and mirrors for Dion. At her most inspired form, her very essence filled the room with her voice and presence. Yes, that lithe, statuesque blonde woman standing on the stage owned the whole arena, so much so that there was no difference whether the audience was sitting on the VIP area or the general admission seats. Through her powerful performance, she gave everyone a piece of herself, to cherish and to hold.

As a seasoned artist, Dion also knows the power of aesthetics. She herself was beautiful all throughout the concert. Her stage design is also worth mentioning. Before the concert started, Dion’s stage design seemed simple, with a few dancing lights, a big space for the band and Celine, and an LED screen behind.

But, oh, when the concert started, all stage elements came into being. There was a show of lights, which danced with Celine’s high and low notes and the screen lit up with various images that transported the audience into different worlds.

What remaining space was filled with Dion, and she did it with so much bravado, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Needless to say, the concert is very Instagrammable, lights, sounds, and all.  

Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye to Dion was bittersweet. The hours passed by so fast, and before everyone knew it, it was time for the last song of the night.  

The whole audience was breathing with anticipation for Dion’s iconic “My Heart Will Go On,” the theme song of the tragic movie, “Titanic.” When Dion started to sing, it was as if the heavens opened, leaving the audience in awe. It was all too much, really, for the viewers. After the last note was hit, it is safe to say that everyone stood up to give her the standing ovation that she deserves.

Last song

But the crowd was not ready to let her go. Before the program drew to a close, the audience asked for an encore, and expressed, for the last time, their love for the singer.

When shouts of “We love you,” echoed throughout the whole arena, Dion knew she could not just turn her back and leave.

She replied, with tears in her eyes, “Let me show you how much I love you in my own way.” And without any accompaniment, she serenaded the crowd like she would a lover with Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling In Love.”

If only the space between the audience and Dion is surmountable, perhaps the crowd would whisper back, “we have rushed in, and we, too, can’t help falling in love with you.”

 Thank you and congratulations to Ovation Productions for making Celine Dion LIVE in Manila possible! 

[michikoroko]

I made it!

At 25 years old, I never imagined I would still fulfill a childhood dream of being a cabin crew. After graduating from the University, I've found a job that paid me well, allowed me to travel and helped me meet interesting people along the way. But then, 5 years into it, my heart started looking for something else. Something that would stir my passion again. Something out of the box, something that I have always thought I couldn't do -- I wanted to fly. Partly because I wanted to have a renewed sense of purpose, and partly because I wanted to break the walls that I've built around myself, and prove that I am also capable of greatness.

In 2016, I finally told my boss that I want to shift lanes and become a flight attendant. Initally I thought she wouldn't allow me, but her simple "Yes, why not? You can do it" -- fueled the fire inside of me to go and chase after my dream.

July of the same year, I've had the worst headache of my life before coming into my initial interview at PAL. It was a mass hiring event, and gazillion of aspiring crew attended. I couldn't describe how many times my stomach curled out of nervousness. There I got seated beside a charming girl with the same eyes as mine. We were both first time applicants. And since we didn't know anything, we just comforted each other. After passing the first stage, we were so happy and excited. But perhaps God had better plans for us, because we both didn't make it to the final interview that time. We stayed in contact, even if we went on with our usual lives after the defeat. To be honest, my confidence level dropped then. I thought, maybe it was not for me. I was so close to giving up.  

But while I continued to work, she didn't stop trying. One day, she messaged me saying she's flying overseas to train for a middle eastern airline. I was so happy for her I cried. I was moved. Because she taught me that if you have the will, there will be a way!

I have started seeing light again. The rain has stopped. I got rid of the umbrella where I was hiding and picked up the pieces of my heart that broke that day.

Almost a year later, I applied again. I was running against a clock. The room was filled with dashing, energetic, young hopefuls. I've never felt so old. Haha. But I had a goal and I was determined to succeed. I told myself and the Lord, that I will not go home with a no. I brainwashed myself that I can do it despite my imperfections. And so I did.

It has always been a fight. A fight that you have to win. Every stage was grueling. You have to pass or it's over for you. I held onto my faith all the time. I thought it would be all or nothing.

After passing the last exam, it was finally my schedule for the Final Panel Interview. I was so close to getting to my initial pit stop. But then, the processing stopped. It wasn't really clear why, but we were asked to wait. I did wait. 1 month.. 2, 3.. 4 months passed, and everyone was already asking me what happened, or how's my application and I didn’t know how to answer them but I knew that I STILL wanted to do this. I still wanted to be a cabin crew, so I waited patiently until the golden call came on the 9th month. I didn't even blink, I just said yes to everything.

My final interview happened in March, and I passed, with 5 other applicants on that day. I had my medical exam soon after, and was finally confirmed to be part of the initial training class in April

Fast forward July. Here I am now, with my wings. And bonus! with flowers, certificates and a medal. I am officially a cabin crew of the only 4 star airlines in the Philippines! my home in the sky. <3  Dreams really do come true.

I was not the perfect student though. I will never claim to be. There were times when I wanted to just burn my notes and go back to my chill life. Being a cabin crew was not easy. There's no sugarcoating it. I already have a background in aviation, and some of my batch mates are former crew as well, but we still had a hard time training. It was war of the nerves. You have to be sharp. You have to be focused. More than anything, you've got to have the right attitude. And no, you will not just study how to serve wines or bento boxes. You will not just wear that uniform and look pretty. You will be trained to save lives. You will be given the responsibility of taking care of strangers.

So if you want to be a cabin crew, you will have to put others first before yourself. You will have to become a hero in your own way.

I sure learned a lot! gained some new skills. Got myself a new family. All in God’s perfect timing.

Thank you to my batch mates for being awesome individuals, you guys are the best! I cannot imagine life without you now. Hashtag clingy. Lol. Thanks for comforting me when I didn’t feel I was enough. You may think I’m weird but I remember all of your “Good Job” “Nice!” “Galing” “You did well” comments. I also appreciate the hugs and even taps on my shoulder whenever I need them. I cherish you, with all of my heart.

Thank you to my instructors for having our backs, all throughout. For molding us into who we are today. For scolding us when we were wrong, and commending us whenever we deserved to be. I am so sorry if we sometimes disappoint you with our carelessness, but we promise to become better, in time. We promise to keep our feet on the ground, even if we already start flying. I hope one day we could all make you proud.

Thank you to my elementary, high school and college friends. There are only some. You know who you are. Sorry for all of my useless rants, and I apologize for our cancelled Friday or Saturday night outs. I may have not mentioned it before, but I find comfort in knowing that you guys are there, watching me even not physically, I know I am not alone in this journey.

Thank you to my PLC family. My home team! Thank you for being patient with me when I was just starting in PAL. I have your words printed in my soul forever. What I know now, I have learned from you. I hope you will not treat me as a stranger, but as your sister still. No matter what happens, I will always, always go back.

To my family. Especially to my mom. Thank you for putting up with my mood swings. For understanding why I can’t join you on some family dinners, or why I can’t be there on some Sunday mornings. Thank you for letting me do what I want. I know that you wanted me to stay where I was, because you were scared I would get hurt if I fail, but it all ended well. It was not easy, but I made it. You were my inspiration everyday. All of this, is for you. I hope I made you proud. I love you!

And Lord, God, my savior. Thank you for never letting go of my hands. I am forever grateful. I will not waste this chance.

So I guess, time to close this chapter and start a new one. More stories to tell soon!! 

[purplesurveys]

989

Bring it around town

Post Office: When’s the last time that you mailed a letter or a package to someone, and who was it to? I don’t think I’ve ever sent out a package. I’ve written letters to friends, but I’ve always given it directly to them.

Library: The last book that you checked out from the library? Was a book on Philippine history; needed it for a history class. I actually spilled some soup on the cover just before I needed to return it because there was one time I put a packed lunch in my bag, and apparently the oils from that managed to slither on over to the book. The book was old and yellowing so the oils eventually looked indistinguishable when I dried it out, but it was definitely not my finest moment.

Veterinarian: What was your pet’s last visit concerning? I wasn’t able to bring Cooper to the vet last weekend...so our last visit, which was last month, was for a couple of shots. I’ve forgotten what they were for.

Pet Store: Which animals do you tend to go check out first? I don’t go to pet stores. When I do spot them in malls, the first animals I see are dogs. And then I immediately feel bad seeing them in their tiny cages.

Drugstore: Last medication or item that you picked out from here? It was a couple of medications for the tooth extraction I had last December. One of them was for pain relief and the other was to stop bleeding just in case the area in my mouth that was worked on started to bleed profusely.

Grocery Store: Do you usually have a big list or a small list when you go? My parents do the grocery shopping; but speaking for them, I think the list is always big since we’re a family of five and we’re constantly running out of supplies lol. They certainly take a while every time they go to the grocery, so it’s a safe bet.

Church: Do you attend church every Sunday? Do you believe in God? We watch a livestream every Sunday; but no, I don’t believe. I’ve said this a thousand times but my mom is the most aggressive Catholic I know and she forces our entire family to attend/watch mass with her, even though she’s the only one who’s into the whole thing. 

I will say that the priest that we normally watch has very good insights and the things he says are applicable, relevant, and helpful even in my own little atheist life, so I've found myself looking forward to his homily every week. That’s the furthest I’ll go, though.

Bank: How much was the last check you deposited? How about the last amount that you took out? I just opened an account last month so the only money that’s in there so far is the minimum amount that my bank requires for someone to start an account. I did just finish my first month interning, so I’m now waiting to receive my cut from that and FINALLY GO ONLINE SHOPPING

Hospital: Have you ever been admitted into the emergency room? For what? Other than when I was being delivered, no. I’ve been to the hospital before but they were all non-emergency cases.

Doctor’s Office: What was the last doctor’s appointment that you had? Which type of a doctor? I honestly have no idea what his specialization is; my parents just brought me to him because he’s a good family friend. We went to him so that he can prescribe the proper medication for my UTI at the time. His recommendation did end up being wrong and I only got sicker so that was kinda disappointing, but I’ve mostly forgiven the whole thing lol.

Police Station: Have you ever been arrested before? Ridden in the back of  a police car? No to both of those, thank fuck.

Fire Station: Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? Not me, but I know of several people who have been.

School: When did you graduate high school? 2016.

Gas Station: How much gas can fit in your gas tank? If my tank is nearly empty and I’d want to fill it all the way up, I have to pay a little over P1000 for it.

Mechanics: Does your vehicle break down a lot? Nope. Other than the battery dying a couple of times throughout the time I’ve had it, it’s never broken down on me *while* I’m driving. That used to be one of my biggest anxieties as a student, but fortunately it never happened.

Clothing Store: What’s the last clothing item you bought from a store, and which store was it? I got several colors of the same top with puffed sleeves from an ukay-ukay. Ended up only wearing one of them outside once because the lockdown was passed down a week after.

Bookstore: Do you prefer to get your books new or used? It doesn’t really matter to me. If I spot a book I’ve been looking for/a book I find interesting whether I’m in a bookstore or in a used book store, I get my hands on it as long as I can afford it. The feeling of owning a fresh new book is always nice, but it’s also just as satisfying if I buy a book that’s like P500 down from its original price.

Coffee Shop/Cafe: What do you typically order when you go here? Iced caramel macchiato and a pastry, usually a chocolate doughnut, croissant, or flatbread.

Fast Food Restaurant: What are a few of your favorites? KFC, McDonald’s, Jollibee, Mang Inasal, Popeye’s.

Sit-Down Restaurant: What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated? It was like 5 or 6 hours, I don’t remember anymore. But it was for Popeye’s grand opening in the Philippines and we didn’t anticipate how many people were gonna go for it on a weekday haha. We were all so grumpy by the time we got our food.

Dentist: Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? I’ve had three of those - I’ve had braces (and need them again), a tooth extracted, and a cavity. Idk what a root canal is but I’ve never heard a dentist use that term around me.

Movie Theater: Last movie you saw in theaters before the pandemic hit? Knives Out.

Art Gallery: Which art forms do you appreciate the most? I can look at oil paintings all day. I also love dioramas, especially if they’re illustrating historical events or historical places/cities. One of my favorite museums showcases Philippines’ entire history through dioramas (I think they have around 60 in total) and I have never gotten sick of going through them.

Zoo: What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? All of them. I’ve never felt nice visiting zoos, especially if the living conditions for the animals obviously suck, or if the cages are small, etc (which is the case for the most part). I prefer safaris or eco-parks, because even though they have the same concept at least the animals there have more space to move around.

Aquarium: Favorite kind of fish? I don’t really have one. I suppose stingrays look cool, but I’ll always remember them as the fish that killed Steve Irwin, so there’s that.

Museum: What kinds of artifacts fascinate you? Anything that shows everyday life of people from the past. I don’t really care for grander exhibits like replicas of galleon ships, but if you can show me the kind of plates people ate from, belts and jewelry that they wore, utensils they used, older bills and coins, etc., I’d be all over those. Animal fossils and bones are also always fun to see.

Amusement Park: Favorite ride to go on? Octopus, because that’s the only daring ride I’m willing to go on.

Courthouse: Have you ever gone to court before? Nopes.

Hotel/Motel: Where were you, the last time you stayed at a hotel? Cavite was my last hotel stay; but the last time I was at a hotel in general, it's the hotel my mom works in, somewhere in Metro Manila.

Club: What is the last song that you danced to? Caught In the Middle by Paramore. I think.

Bar: What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Zombie and Long Island Iced Tea are my favorite cocktails. As for hard drinks, I usually go for tequila but I’m down to take any shot lol.

County Jail: Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? I’ve never done that.

Airport: Are you more likely to fly in an airplane, or pick people up/drop them off at the airport? Pick someone up/bring them to the airport. That’s literally how it is with my dad every few months because he works overseas.

Train Station: Have you ever ridden a train before? Just the once.

Concert Venue: What’s the last concert you saw? Paramore.

Sports Arena: Which sporting event would you be most likely to sit through? Pro wrestling or volleyball. Basketball is also fun to watch, but me never learning how the rules work has always ruined the viewing experience for me.

[bionic-beth]

[loyolafilmcircle]

Never Not Love You is the Film of Our Generation

by Anna Cayco

edited by Jessica Brown

Lead actors Nadine Lustre and James Reid have been known to live outside the familiarity of showbiz love teams. With Antonette Jadaone, who directed That Thing Called Tadhana (2014), at the forefront as its director and writer, there was high expectation for the film to not be a typical Philippine romance film.

And it is. Never Not Love You (2018) is the love story of our generation.

Let’s address the elephant in the room. The cinematography and editing are world class, and this can be seen in scenes such as the tattoo shop where Gio (Reid) frequents, the grand urban streets of London, or the bright yellow mountains of Joanne's (Lustre) home in Zambales. Potentially, this may have been done It could to appeal to a generation that constantly sees high definition landscape and urban photography on their timeline. This is reflective with visually stunning films such as Kita-Kita (2017) and Siargao (2017). What is refreshing, however, are the small moments the camera captures in equal quality, such the embraces Gio and Joanne share in bed after a long day at work.

What makes the film stand out from the other Philippine romance films is the verisimilitude of the conflict. The film does away with cliches found in similar mainstream films. Nobody is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Nobody cheats. My expectation of a car accident was very much not met.

The drama, instead, is internal. It arises from the clash of ambitions among Gio and Joanne. After being cut-off from his father, Gio is forced to find stability in his very unstable profession, freelance graphic design. With the choice to take a job in London, he risks being separated from Joanne for who knows how long. Joanne, on the other hand, has fought tooth and nail to get a position in a high-profile marketing firm in Makati and is about to be promoted as brand manager. To leave the Philippines would be corporate suicide.

This is a problem that many young professionals – or any Filipino for that case. Better opportunities do exist outside the country. However, what often isn't considered are the repercussions that come with moving.

Gio doesn't deal well these repercussions. He is our typical bad boy (a character that Reid has played before) who sees the world in black and white. For him, it's either giving up his dream to stay with Joanne or forcing her to leave her dream and go with him to London. Joanne is left with little to choose from.

Eventually, she chooses to move to London with him, becoming miserable when she downgrades to waitress while Gio is living his dream. When she tells Gio she wants to return back to Manila, he lashes out, calling her selfish and ungrateful..

We don't like Gio. On the one hand, We want them to break up. On the other hand, we also don't want them to break up and waste all the moments they've gone through. What we do want is Gio to change.

He does change, but not enough to catch up with Joanne. He learns to set her free and they decide to have a long distance relationship. Joanne instantly gets her life back together back in Manila. She gets a car for herself, uplifts her family from poverty, and is happy with her own group of friends. Gio, however, is doing well in London yet still has his bouts of anger against Joanne. It comes out through flashes of jealousy in seeing her celebrating with a male friend or even as small as a side-comment on the color of her new car.

He knows that Joanne has outgrown him. After two years, he returns to Manila and confesses to Joanne, "I'm in love with this Joanne in my head. And in my heart... but when I look at you now, I don't know. It's different."

They don't break up. They never broke up throughout the entire film despite all the fighting and distance. Joanne reassures Gio that they will make it work. If anything, this is a lesson that every person of this generation needs to know. Self-love is equated to dropping toxic people like hot potatoes but we will never find a person who we love that is incapable of hurting us.

Right before the ending, Gio and Joanne return to the tattoo shop to get their tattoos - bands of blank ink on their ring fingers - retouched. Indeed, love can fade but love can also be saved.

Photo sources: 1 2 3 4

Special thanks to the JaDine Nation for inviting us to watch the film! 

[surveysonfleek]

564.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 34

3201. What if this is as good as it gets? i don’t believe that. 3202. Have you ever dated someone mostly or completely because of their looks? nope. 3203. What does the word 'of' mean? originating from. that’s the simplest way  can describe it i guess. 3204. What should you never forget? all the great memories and experiences i’ve had throughout my life. 3205. How many of the 7 Dwarves can you name for us? all of them. happy, doc, bashful, grumpy, sneezy, dopey... omg maybe i can’t lol. i had to google it, i missed sleepy :(

3206. What animal does your mom resemble? haha none tbh. 3207. Have you ever had a palm reading? no i haven’t.  3208. What's a crazy thing you did that you got in trouble for as a kid? jumping on furniture at a furniture store. i didn’t think it was that bad lmao, i got told off and my mum was so confused. 3209. What do you battle against? nothing? 3210. Do piercings really make the pierced area dramatically more sensitive? once it’s healed, no. 3211. If you had put aside some money for a trip and the travel agent said he had 2 trips available in your price range during the week you want to go, which would you choose: a> a week in hawaii in a luxury beach resort b> a week in africa helping the red cross distribute food and medicine first option, ONLY coz i haven’t experienced straight up luxury before. 3212. Have you ever played with a dreidal? no. 3213. Did you know that Kraft is owned by a cigarette company? Does that bother you? i didn’t know and tbh it doesn’t bother me. i hardly buy kraft products to begin with. 3214. With all the information constantly rushing at you, how do you know what's important? i decide for myself. 3215. How is your life unlike a movie? it’s incredibly boring. 3216. Where is the most beautiful place you have visited? el nido, philippines. 3217. What is never going in your mouth? bugs. 3218. Are there really 5,000 different facts about you? probably! 3219. Do you like banana bread? love it. 3220. Who are you the most gentle and tender around? my boyfriend. 3221. If electrodes were inserted into your brain and a button was put into your arm so that you could push the button and stimulate an immeadiate orgasm would you forget about life and sit at home pushing the button until you died? no. i’d prefer getting an orgasm the natural way lol. 3222. Is there a difference between being scared and afraid? yes. 3223. Are you scared and/or afraid of death? to an extent. If yes, what is it about death? just not doing everything i’ve wanted to do in my life. The pain? not really. The separation? yes. the unknown? yes. the fear of nothing? eh, idk. 3224. What is existentialism? cbf. 3225. SUCCESS is counted sweetest By those who ne’er succeed. To comprehend a nectar Requires sorest need. Not one of all the purple host Who took the flag to-day Can tell the definition, So clear, of victory, As he, defeated, dying, On whose forbidden ear The distant strains of triumph Break, agonized and clear. by, Emily Dickinson What is Emily Dickenson trying to say here? idk. 3226. A college girl (maybe you?) blows a tire and pulls off the road in an unfamiliar residential neighbourhood. She is having trouble changing the tire when a man in his late thirties-ish comes over and asks if she needs some help. He changes her tire and offers to let her go into his house to wash her hands. She is dirty from trying to change the tire. Should she accept? no. i carry around hand sanitiser all the damn time.

She does accept and he gives her a tour of the house including the upstairs. The staircase in the living room leads directly into the master bedroom. The view out the window is beautiful. What are you thinking about this situation? honestly, it seems innocent, but i just find it weird someone would want to take a random person on a tour of their house. 3227. Are you too trusting of others? nope. 3228. What's the difference between a den and a living room? i have no ideas. they’re just lounges and living rooms to me. 3229. Write a stream of consciousness sentence: no. 3230. Who is the hero of all kids? their parents and/or guardian. 3231. Who do you tend to show more of your best side to, your family or strangers? my family. but they also know my worst sides. 3232. How do you think the harry potter series will end? haha it’s done. 3233. Name three things that would make really bad ice cream flavors: spaghetti, sushi and bbq ribs. 3234. Would you try a jelly bean if it's flavor was: toasted marshmallow? fried chicken? black pepper? vomit? grass? dirt? boogers? ear wax? sardines? Did you know that you can get these flavors of jellybeans at harrypotter.com? pretty sure i’ve tried these. 3235. What's at the center of the earth? who knows. 3236. have you ever wondered where holidays come from? history. 3237. Do you think there should be more movies shown in 3D? no, there’s already a lot of 3d movies. 3238. Are you just another brick in the wall? sometimes. 3239. Write a haiku (a poem with 3 lines, 1st line is 5 syllables, second line is 7 sylabels, 3rd line is five syllabals): no. it’s incredibly annoying to see this person has spelt syllables in three different ways though. 3240. Are you cautious and tame? yes. 3241. Do you like to eat at Subway? no. i haven’t eaten subway in forever. whenever i do, it’s really unfulfilling. 3242. Is 42 the meaning of life? huh? 3243. Would you agree that a blade of grass is nothing less than the journeywork of stars? idk. 3244. Do you want to die? not yet. 3245. If someone was studying 'the humanities' what the hell are they studying? it’s a really broad topic lol. 3246. Is this question REALLY is this question 3246? idk. 3247. Do you want to dieT? yeah, i need to lol. 3248. What is colder, your feet, or the floor? floor. 3249. What is older, your mouth, or the door? my mouth. 3250. Are you more beauty or more beast? beauty but i’m not talking physically. 3251. Are we there yet? nope. 3252. Scantron or handwritten tests? whaat? 3253. What's that sound? the fan. 3254. True/false: To the maggots on the cheese, the cheese is the universe. wtf lol. 3255. What's the best treat to bring with you to elementary school for your birthday? Cupcakes? probably cupcakes so it’s easily distributed. 3256. What would you expect to learn from self interrogation? idk. 3257. When you feel cold does eating warm food help you feel warm? sometimes. 3258. Does being true to yourself mean saying 'screw everybody else, my shit is more important'? not really. 3259. Have you reckoned a thousand acres much? no. 3260. Have you reckoned the earth much? no. 3261. Have you ever had a vision? nope. 3262. If you have a vision or belief and someone else has a conflicting vision or belief, how do you tell which one is valid? Are they both valid? they’re both valid. 3263. Why is everything based around proof and facts instead of intuition? not everything is based on proof, let’s be real. 3264. What is the grass? azz. 3265. Have you ever supposed it is lucky to be born? Is it just as lucky to die? no... 3266. What is it that you express in your eyes? boredom. 3267. What is man anyhow? What am I? and what are you? *yawn* 3268. You understand enough. Why don't you let it out? this is lame. 3269. What is less or more than a touch? - 3270. Why should anyone wish to see god more than they wish to see this day? they don’t. 3271. Have you guessed that after death you yourself would not continue? sure. 3272. Have you dreaded the earth beetles? no. 3273. Have you feared the future would be nothing to you? no. 3274. Is today nothing? no. 3275. Is the beginingless past nothing? no. 3276. Do you believe in a collective unconsiouss? no. 3277. Jung or Freud? no. 3278. What is a 'fate worse than death'? being tortured for years on end. 3279. What are the 5 main things you think about?/ work, life, what’s for breakfast/lunch/dinner, friends, weekends. 3280. Name someone you know. my boyfriend. What is the biggest thing you have in common with them? sense of humour. 3281. Do you think that laws should be passed to regulate human breeding? i think it’s problematic.  3282. Do you think they already exist in a subtle way? idk. 3283. Why is it that so many people are demanding the death penalty as punishment for a wider and wider range of crimes? probably so they don’t waste taxpayer’s money on housing criminals until they die of old age. 3284. Is it partially to weed the nonconformists out of the gene pool? idk. 3285. What does it mean to be free? do whatever you want without being judged. 3286. What does it mean to be tamed or domesticated? conforming into something that you’re really not. 3287. Is the human animal becoming more and more tame and domestic? If yes, what is causing this? are we becoming more or less free? ugh, idk. 3288. Are you embarrassed about your naked body? If yes, is that freedom? yes and no. 3289. Are you the result of all of evolution up to this point? somewhat. 3290. The murderous person...how does he sleep? some can just deal with it.  3291. Your mother...is she living? Have you been much with her? and has she been much with you? lol wtf. 3292. Are these questions disturbing you? If yes, why? they’re not, they’re just boring. 3293. What are you focused on? myself. 3294. Have you ever admired wickedness? um, no. 3295. Is the accomplishment of one person the accomplishment of all humanity? Why or why not? somewhat. 3296. Is the imprisonment of one person the imprisonment of all humanity? Why or why not? idk. 3297. We're just following ancient history. If I strip for you, will you strip for me? no lol. 3298. Have you ever wished you had not so many clothes? no. 3299. What is the balance between conformity and individual freedom? just doing you but abiding by society’s standards. 3300. What do these things have in common: nakedness, sex, killing, fighting, shitting, death? idk.

[amethyztte]

21st of December 2017 and my heart was fluttering to introduce my best friend, Ava, to my mom. Ava was silent throughout the conversations, only uttering few words and nodding to yes or no questions. I was very happy despite that, for I was able to introduce my one ‘true’ friend to my mom; however, as I observed mom, it seemed that she kept looking left and right, her smile was not sincere, and her talks were soulless. Ava did not touch her food during the meal, and I just remembered that she didn’t really eat much. After the hearty meal, Ava went on to go home and said goodbye to us. Well, I never thought how painful it was to hear goodbyes until she said it. 

Hi, I’m Alex Dimagiba, and I am pressured right now, this very moment. I come from a family of recognized lawyers, who has winning rates between 95%-99.8% in their handled cases. I am the only daughter of Alyn and John Dimagiba, who were the youngest lawyers in Philippine history. If that does not build pressure on me, then I don’t know what it is. We live in a very private, yes, it is VERY private, subdivision in Makati. Most families and personalities who live here are those at the top of their respective fields, even those under the entertainment and modelling industry. I attend classes in University of Savina, a top and prestige university in the Philippines, which produces quality students and world-renowned people in the field of law and arts. The campus is one of the largest in the country; having top facilities and services that cater to an easier life of a student. The campus has a good contrast of the modern living and the nature, which helps students to attend to their self-care (yes, they have student lounges, with FREE FOOD) and academic needs. Well, you might say that I got my life all ready, being in an expensive family, top student and a prestige university and all, probably a job already awaits me in the law firm, but that is all for my narrative by the society. The daughter of the youngest lawyers, rich and smart. Expensive, as they say. All these still won’t define my dreams, the true me. I’m lost, that’s all I am.

  My 6:00 pm class just ended, and I was waiting for my driver to fetch me and go home. I headed out to the waiting area near the parking lot of the university and saw someone sitting at my favorite bench under the narra tree. She had shoulder-length hair, plump lips, pale skin and petite body figure. This was the first time I saw her around the campus, well I know I can’t recognize and be friends with everyone in the campus but she’s just not familiar to me. I’m an introvert so I probably observe more than my classmates chatting on their new Gucci bags. I went to her and initiated a conversation. She held her head high and looked at me with her hazel-brown eyes sparkling then smiled at me. We introduced ourselves first, she reached her positively gleaming hands then chatted for some time. “Ava Sanggigi, honors class A, designer in the making”. It was awkward at first, but somehow, we managed to be comfortable with one another as we continued chatting. I knew this is the first time I had a friend, yet I was jealous of her. How could she be so happy, grateful and humble of her life? She’s a great persona aside from her riveting beauty, so down to earth and she knows her path to take. Can’t I be her? I then realized she’s the opposite of me, bright character, has a healthy lifestyle, loving and chill environment without all the expectations.  My driver beeped at me which is a signal to come home. I told her I’d leave then went to the car. As I settled, I looked out, but found her nowhere, I shrugged it off thinking she quickly left because of curfew. A good listener huh, I thought to myself. This is rare, being thankful to the universe for giving me this opportunity to experience what others can, to have a true friend. It was once a subtle dream, now a reality, or am I in my dream?

 I kept telling my mom about me having a new friend. Gladly, she listened eagerly and was ensorcelled on how it diminishes my introversion. I even told my mom how humble and down to earth she was. It caressed her heart, and told me that she wanted to meet Ava. The time had come to finally introduce Ava. But there was this creepling feeling. Am I shaking out of nervousness or excitement? My mom was running down the stairs, she looked pretty excited. "Where's Ava?", she asked. "Mom, this is Ava". After introducing Ava, I saw her lopsided smile. Then we went to the dining room and had some dinner.

 Back to that night during Christmas break, my mom talked to me about Ava and told me to stop my antics. What antics did she see? I just made friends, was that so wrong? I insisted her on telling me what’s her problem with me having friends? What action did I do to unpleased her and ruin the family’s image? “Where’s that Ava you’re talking about?!” What just happened…

 As the school year went by, more sleepless nights were encountered. Deadlines slowly filled my calendar for the semester, not to mention the home works and assessments we had to study for. It was my choice to pick HUMSS as my strand, so I better face these all. For every grade that did not reach 94, I receive a long scolding. My family’s standing just implied a standard on me, and with additional ‘motivational’(so unmotivating) words from my loving mother, it brought me down. Countless nights, I have cried for hours to sleep. It’s hard I know, but it was my only way to release the heavy bag on me. Hearing people say that I’m a mediocre, seeing people still have smiles and having time for their interests, more thoughts lived and ignited in my chaotic mind. I still have numerous times before I replace my ‘I don’t know’ answer to mom’s “What course will you take?” There’s just too much pressure on me that I do not know how to function. All these overthinking just kills my commitment and passion that I want to build. Everything in this universe seems to be against and playing with me. Amidst the whole thing, Ava, my best friend, is still listening to me every dismissal period. Under the narra tree, there is our intersection. It has been our routine to put our railways down to its crossroads. Adoring each and every single train passes, for it loads numbers of passengers, valuing each story.

 Jealousy in a friendship. Such an ironic statement. We would expect that as friend we get to support each other, motivate each other, be proud of one another, yet there is still this kindling fire within me that wants to be her, to have her life. I have my own path, but can’t I take her life? Be her? What is it like to work well and be well under pressure, to be a diamond? She seems unreal to be in this world.

 Just recently, I noticed that I don’t have contact to Ava, aside from talking to her every afternoon. After finals, I asked for her contact details, but she shook her head, signaling that she had no details to give. I told her then that since Christmas break is nearing, I could introduce her to mommy Alyn. She’s very important to me, and I want mom to know her. Weirdly, I felt some connection to her, despite my jealousy of her persona, her achievements, her life. It’s like I’m seeing the better version of myself. How amazing is it that we never saw each other in the buildings between classes, have compatible personalities, yet at the end we always met at the bench under the narra tree? This is fate, and that’s a fact.

 “She’s not real, Alex! Stop telling you have Ava and stop talking about your petty conversations with her!” Just how could my mom, tell me this? For once, at least I had a friend. Now, she’s telling and implying that Ava is not real? What is she then, a ghost? I can’t talk back for my emotions hinder my voice to come out, I just let my tears fall and went back to my room. Dear sleep, take me to the land where I could just be free, with nothing to worry.

 Let me ride the train to somewhere that dreams meet my reality.

 Cold days became colder, and my mood becomes darker. I had no appetite, no will, nothing. I don’t even know if I’m in my dream or in the reality. All I know is that I’m no one, and I’m lost. All I’ve been thinking is about Ava. It’s either she’s a dream or my mom just made the worst joke ever. I was intrigued with this, until I gathered my strength to go out and head to school. The looks people give me are very judgmental and annoying. I know I haven’t attended classes for two weeks, and I have changed a lot (for the worse), but do they really have to give those looks? I just go on to the normal school day until it’s time for dismissal. I go to the bench under that narra tree, yet there’s no Ava. No Ava to listen, no one to be with me. This made me curious more, so I run to the faculty lounge. With heavy breathing, I ask the moderators if they have a student Ava Sanggigi. All I hear are NOs. I ask my classmates if they know her and they only know nothing and that I am crazy. It stresses me more, until the world is circling and all and the last thing I know, I see the rain fall, literally, and emotionally. 

 In a white-colored, four-cornered room, I’m alone. I was told I was meeting with someone, maybe the doctor. I was exuding dark aura all along, what a contrast to this bright room. Slowly, everything has been cleared to me. I am now accepting the fact that Ava was not a reality.

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Ten

I dreamt of X again.

Only this time, the dream was longer, vivid and bittersweet.

I dreamt that I was on my recent trip to the Philippines from a few weeks ago. But instead of X and I still being in a relationship at the end of it like in reality, we had broken up during the trip. And in the dream, it was time for us to go our separate ways. X was acting like nothing had changed between us, like she hadn’t hurt me at all. She was being friendly towards me and even getting me to take selfies of her as per usual. By the time we finally got to the airport, I’d finally had enough. I snapped and let X have it: how angry I was at her after the break-up, how much she had hurt me and betrayed. Just…all of it. And after I said my piece, I walked away in a mad huff because we both needed to go to our gates.

But X caught up with me and she was crying softly. She took out a piece of paper on which she had written something and this is where things get fuzzy in the dream. X started telling me about how she’d been on her first flight and had been so scared about dying. In hindsight, I think this might have been the beginning of a love declaration on her part, like the kind you see at the end of cheesy rom-coms. At this point in my dream, my subconscious kicked in and told me that this was only a dream and not real. Usually in my dreams, I forget that I’m dreaming and believe that everything happening around me is true. But it was here that my subconscious told me to run. My legs obeyed and I started running away from X before she could finish her speech. I don’t know why exactly I ran; I guess a part of me wanted her to chase me. And another part of me simply wanted to get away from her because the pain of losing her in the first place was too much and I didn’t want to face it again.

Again, the dream got really trippy here. The airport we were in suddenly turned into wooden beams and props that you find back-stage in a concert hall. But it was under construction, so there were wooden beams lying everywhere. So I ran, ducked, dodged and dived over them all; still, X kept following me. Finally, we came to an open area with wooden beams lying on the ground. I lost my footing and fell down. Some workers nearby told me to be careful and X grabbed my hand, helping me to my feet. All she said to me in that firm but breathless, patient, voice of hers was ‘Come on’. She took my hand and led me to a door, which opened onto a rooftop. And there were beautiful pools, big and small, before us. They were bathed in beautiful, golden lights, like they’d been waiting there for us all along.

X loves swimming, as do I. Her face brightened and she started taking off her sandals so we could dip our feet into the water. But I remembered that we still had separate flights to catch and the time for boarding at our gates was closing in. So I told X that I would join her as soon as I checked my airplane ticket. But there was a problem: my boarding time was 19:00 and the time on my wrist watch said 19:00 too. I was going to miss my flight home. In that terrible moment, I knew that I had to choose between going to X or leaving her. All I managed to say in the end was ‘X, it’s 19:00. I have to board my flight’.

And that’s when I woke up at 04:45 this morning, lying on my living room sofa, bathed in a sheen layer of sweat.

I can’t even begin to describe the agonizing sense of loss that I felt in that moment when I woke up and realized that it was a dream; I had forgotten again when X helped me to my feet. In that moment, in my heart-wrenching reality, the words ‘X! Don’t go…’ escaped my mouth before I could stop the words. The dream and the reality was so achingly sweet; I’m surprised that the tears didn’t come to me then and are only filling my eyes now while I’m typing up this blog entry.

I miss X so much.

I don’t know why I feel this way. She hurt me in the worst way possible – how can I still care about her? How can I still love her after everything she’s put me through? She made me believe she was dying and that I was going to lose the first woman that I’ve truly loved my whole life. How could anyone forgive or forget that?

I can’t explain any of it.

All I know is this: she may have stopped loving me a year ago. But I didn’t know, couldn’t even have comprehended that. So maybe she’s moved on already, but I’m not at the same level of closure yet. I don’t know when I’ll ever move on from her, if I’ll move on from her.

Maybe that’s why my day at work was so weird. The students were too noisy, all my technology in the classroom was letting me down at the last minute. I couldn’t get anything productive done at all. I felt stressed out when everything around me was calm. I was hungry and tired, feeling like I was on the brink of collapsing at any moment.

Maybe I’m losing my mind.

I haven’t been eating and sleeping well lately and I guess it finally caught up with me. My friend C and our supervisor, H, were fighting again about educational resources needed to be used for our English students. Naturally, myself and my colleagues, CH and JI, didn’t engage in the tense fight and pretended to carry on with work. When it was time to leave work, I gave up doing anything productive as a lost cause, promising myself that I would get it done tomorrow before my lessons.

Then I had an evening appointment for a potential teaching job next year. I had to teach a demo class; it was supposed to be with young children from the school, but the guy I met with named JU changed it to his colleagues instead who pretended to be young adults.

It was a disaster, mainly because I spaced on the whole ‘preparing for a lesson/interview for a job’. My head has been buried very far up my own ass for months now, possibly even years. Because I didn’t prepare, I gave myself 15 minutes to gloss over the content I had glanced at a week ago. So I made lots of mistakes throughout the demo class. Thank God the demo class wasn’t with real children; they would’ve been completely at sea with my failed attempts to be a teacher. All in all, it could’ve been worse than disastrous; JU and his colleagues gave me lots of constructive feedback, which was helpful. JU even said that he’ll schedule another time for me to retry the demo class. But my confidence was totally shattered by the time I was finished. So tears kept leaking out of my eyes while I trudged through the subway, rode the bus and took a taxi home. I texted JU later and apologized profusely for my lack of professionalism and he was extremely nice about it; that was way more than I deserved.

I don’t know if it’s just ‘that time of the month’ coming up, but I feel like I’ve lost the plot lately. Sure, a lot has happened in recent months with my parents separating, Katie passing away after being with my family for 18 years, getting undermined at work at every turn, X’s ‘terminal illness’ and then breaking up with X because her only terminal illness was compulsive lying.

I’m finally home now and under the coolness of the AC, the day was too hot. I’m still depressed, but calmer and just ready to call it a day. I think I’ll stay up a little longer and eat and drink something. Maybe I’ll watch some TV, maybe I’ll finally cave and let the tears fall now that I’m finally alone. I don’t really know anymore. All I can do is keep praying and hope that all of this gets better over time so I can figure out what really makes me happy.

At least Pay Day is next week.