#in life and everything is meaningless and i'm drinking too much to manage my anxiety and i'm not sleeping very well

[seesgood]

no but, i hate having to be like “actually i’ve been really anxious lately,” because people always seem to assume it’s like “oh you’ve got a little nerves, maybe some tummy flutters, but you’re fine! you’ve got this! you’re functioning so well!” when what i really mean is, “actually, i’ve been really anxious lately and it feels like my entire body is flooded with stress and panic and every inhale makes me feel like i’m on the brink of a panic attack and there is an elephant sitting on my chest and my body and my brain are exhausted and i say hi to someone and immediately my brain will go into anxiety mode and rip me to shreds and it is exhausting, and it hurts, and i’m not having a good time right now existing in my own head and body.”

anyway. anxiety is often one of those mental illnesses that we minimize because everyone gets a little sprinkle of it but this is just a quiet reminder that it can be really debilitating sometimes and it’s Not Fun.

[silenthillmutual]

I'm assuming you mean writing prompts! Not sure what kind of mood you're in so I'll give you 2. First: Daniil or Artemy bragging about their partner to someone else. They're not trying to but. They do anyways. There's too much love. Alternatively: One of Artemy's kids (Sticky or Murky, perhaps) fall grievously ill and he's got to be a good dad and tell them everything's gonna be ok. Sorry idk anything about jjba dr or mp100 lol

i’m so sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for forever while i’ve hit writer’s block. so i’m gonna write something short for the first one, ty<3

The way Daniil is going on at length here is going to give him a migraine. He’ll admit to this: he’s mostly gotten used to it. The man can talk - and talk, and talk, and talk. It’s really a shame they haven’t got a school set up in the Town. He’d be a natural lecturer. And he knows Daniil used to give lectures sometimes in the Capital, which is probably how he manages to either follow him or tune him out depending on the subject.

It’s just that right now, Artemy is the subject. So his levels of embarrassment are about through the roof, but there’s no real polite way to stop him.

Were they back in Town, Artemy would just get up and leave. Daniil just does this sometimes. Artemy started to realize about a month ago that he was the sort of person to speak his affection rather than show it. Which always felt like some sort of issue, because Artemy is - “Acta non verba,” he hears Daniil say, right on cue. The grip Daniil has on his hand is remarkably strong for someone of his size, and Artemy’s face feels like it’s going to explode. Daniil’s got his head tilted, looking up at him with those wide brown eyes and he can’t leave. Even if Daniil wasn’t anchoring him to the spot, he’d just feel bad about it when he looks that damn sincere. “Really, it’s remarkable,” Daniil says, eyes never leaving his face. He pulls Artemy’s hand up to his mouth to kiss it.

He swears the woman Daniil’s been speaking to rolls her eyes. Artemy feels like his face is going to explode. His cheeks hurt so much he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel them again. And yet, he can’t be too mad at him, because he knows there’s not a hint of sarcasm to his words, and this is probably the nicest Daniil’s ever been about anybody.

“So what is your specialty, exactly?” the woman asks, though it’s clear she’s only doing it for the same reason Artemy hasn’t left this soiree altogether and headed back for their hotel room.

“I’m a herbalist,” he says flatly.

Her eyebrows raise, but Artemy doesn’t get a chance to find out if it’s a genuine pique of interest or more high-class Capital snobbery because Daniil scoffs and says, “Don’t be so modest, Tëma.”

The nickname is what really sells it. “I need another drink,” the woman says. Her own has been empty for a while now, ice melting in the bottom, but she throws back what’s left of it to crunch the ice between her teeth, stepping away. Daniil uses her leaving as an excuse to set his body against Artemy’s, leaning against him to get better leverage to kiss him on the cheek. He’s been wondering the whole time if this is normal for the Capital. He hasn’t exactly seen many couples like them, but then he’s not sure if it would matter if it was. It seems Daniil doesn’t blend in any better here than he had in Town.

Artemy sighs. Doesn’t push him away, but leans into one of the fleeting moments of physical intimacy. And sighs again. “Why don’t you talk about your own accomplishments, Daniil?”

“What accomplishments?” he snorts. Daniil avoids looking him in the eye, but he can feel the anxiety in the way his grip bruises him. “You know how poorly I did those two weeks. What on Earth do I have to brag about? No, no - I’m already well known here, though. But you - you deserve the glory, darling.”

“I’m not interested in glory.” He watches Daniil’s expression fade into a frown. And he doubts the man intends for him to read into the way his grip loosens, but it would be impossible to just not notice it. “I just mean -”

“No. I know what you mean.” His voice is already so lacking in tone that the difference is almost difficult to tell, but Artemy squeezes his hand to try and get the life back to him. He expects Daniil to speculate that he’s managed to embarrass him, but the next words he mumbles are, “It’s all rather trivial to you.” He shifts weight from one foot to the other. “The games they play here - it’s not all that different from the rulers of your town. Reputation is worth so much, but to you it’s meaningless.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s entirely meaningless.” He pulls their hands up and over his stomach, trying to drag Daniil closer to him. “Hey. Come on. No, it’s just that - I’m right here. It’s embarrassing to hear you say all that stuff about me. As if I did something special, and not just my job. You would’ve done the same thing.”

Wrong choice of words. Daniil doesn’t even bother raising his eyebrows to that, though he humors looking at Artemy for a moment. “Well I didn’t. Clearly I didn’t. You know I didn’t. You were there!”

“Alright, I get it.” Artemy nudges Daniil’s shoulder with his own. “But don’t act like you didn’t do anything while you were there. What about that vaccine you made with Rubin, huh? The discoveries you made in the Polyhedron?” He’ll have to gloss over that one quick before the ice sets in. “The Stamatins are sticking around, you could always talk about one of their projects -”

“Has no one ever praised you before?” Daniil interrupts. Artemy’s mouth shuts so suddenly his teeth click together. Daniil takes the moment of silence to look up at him, and that horrid smirk starts to work its way across his lips. “Nothing is stopping you from speaking for yourself, you know. Or leaving, if my incessant chatter bothers you so desperately.”

“Your hand is,” Artemy grumbles.

“Oh please. Just before we left - on the way to the station, in fact! I saw you cart four children on your back. Three of them were teenagers. This -” he rubs their joined hands against Artemy’s stomach - “Is hardly holding you back.”

Now he raises his brows, and Artemy has to let out his breath under Daniil’s scrutiny. “I don’t want to leave your side,” he says. “You’re the man I came with, and I won’t leave without you.” Daniil continues to blink at him. He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand. “And this is probably the nicest you’ve ever been. I don’t mind the words, it’s... it’s the fact that people are staring.”

“Aha!” Daniil says, and really, Artemy does not trust the sentiment one bit, not with the wicked smile he’s wearing. “So you’re unused to positive attention, and that’s making you uncomfortable.” He pulls their joined hands back to his side, and up to his mouth to kiss Artemy’s hand again. “I should praise you more often,” he says with his lips pressed to Artemy’s skin.

“Alright, whatever. But could you do it in private?” His words come out as a grumble, but he knows as soon as they leave his mouth its a mistake, cheeks tingling from the blush. “That’s not what I meant!” He doubts very much Daniil believes him. “How do I explain this? These peoples’ opinions - they don’t mean very much to me. And I don’t want them staring at me like I’m some specimen under their microscope. I didn’t come here for them, emshen. I came here for you.”

Daniil hums, and lets their hands drop. “Duly noted,” he says. “I will cut back my bragging to a minimum. That should keep conversations short, anyway. The less time we spend here, the sooner we can get to admiring you in private.”

Artemy rolls his eyes, but doesn’t drop the other man’s hand. “You just live to be difficult, don’t you?”