#in his slutty little dress. i mean tunic

[samuelroukin]

2k into this fic before soap calls it the minotaur instead of beast or monster lmao, glad to see the power of denial is still strong with our boy

[fkinkindagauche]

A Golden Opportunity

This one's a fill for two prompts from my @steddiebingo Twelve Days of Christmas Mini-Event card - 1) Elf, and 2) Threesome.

Rating: Explicit | WC: 3,142 | Tags: Established Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Threesome (M/M/M), Spitroasting, Come Marking, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Blow Jobs, Light dom/sub, Bratty Bottom Steve Harrington, Top Eddie Munson, Misuse of an Elf Costume

Read on AO3

Steve, dressed in bright green tights and an itchy red and green tunic, walked down a line of snot-ridden, screaming kids. This absolutely had to be one of the circles of hell. And he'd seen some shit, so that was saying a lot.

He tried to remember how he'd even found himself in this hellish temporary job. Robin was home from college for the holidays and trying to earn some extra cash, so she'd taken a job as one of Santa's elves at the department store in town. Steve, desperate to spend as much time as possible with her on her break and also short on cash now that he'd burned all his bridges with his family after moving in with Eddie, had followed suit. But Robin wasn't even here today to make things tolerable, and he was very much regretting his decision.

"Hey, no cutting!" he yelled at a mean-looking kid trying to elbow a little girl out of the way. The kid gave Steve an unimpressed once-over and continued to jostle the girl. Steve had about had it with these assholes, so he walked forward and grabbed the kid by the collar of his coat, lifting him off the ground and out of line.

"Hey, what the hell!" the kid yelled, kicking out at Steve. He connected with one of Steve's shins. Steve yelped and dropped him, hopping on one leg as he rubbed his shin, the bell on his stupid hat jingling.

"You little shit!" Steve yelled. The line had quieted down when their altercation started, so unfortunately he yelled into relative silence as a whole line of kids and their parents watched him.

Steve saw his boss Diane, the head elf, striding toward him with a stormy face.

"My office now, Harrington," she barked. He followed her into her "office" which was a small shed repurposed with a hastily made "Santa's Workshop" sign.

"You're fired," she said with no preamble. "Gonna need the outfit back."

Steve sighed. Robin was gonna be so pissed at him. "I wore it here. You want me to walk back out there naked?"

Diane glared at him. "As if you haven't done enough damage today. Bring it back tomorrow."

"Fine," Steve said, with absolutely no intention of bringing the outfit back tomorrow. He was never coming back to this hellhole again.

Diane walked back out to the line of parents and kids, apologizing for her rabid elf as she went. Steve sighed and grabbed his coat from the corner where he'd stashed it.

He walked through the mall glaring as people stared and giggled at his ridiculous costume. His shoes were pointed at the tip with little bells on the end, and he had a red and green hat that also jingled as he walked, so he was nothing if not noticeable.

Once he made it back to his apartment complex, he took the stairs up to his apartment as fast as he could, trying to avoid seeing any neighbors while in his elf costume. He didn't want to have to yell at sweet Mrs. Benson for commenting on it, but wasn't sure he could stop himself in his current mood.

"Well, how's my slutty little elf doing?" Eddie sang as Steve walked in the door to their apartment. Steve shot his most withering glare at him.

"Oh, not good?" Eddie asked, pulling Steve in for a kiss.

Steve kissed him, because he couldn't ever resist kissing Eddie, but he maintained a frown through the whole kiss.

"I called a kid a little shit, because he was, and everyone in the line heard," Steve grumbled. "Diane saw."

"Oh, shit. Did she fire you?"

Steve sighed, slumping onto the couch. "Yes," he groaned.

"Well, that's bad news," Eddie muttered, sitting down next to him. Steve braced himself to hear about overdue bills, but when Eddie continued all he said was, "I love this costume. Do you have to give it back?"

Steve rolled his eyes. "Your obsession with this costume is weird, Eddie."

"I can't help what I like, Steve. And I like saucy little elves with great asses." Eddie pulled on Steve's shoulders, coaxing Steve into his lap. Steve clambered over, legs straddling Eddie's thighs.

Eddie pushed his hands up under Steve's tunic, hands traveling back to grab handfuls of Steve's ass through his tights. Steve groaned, shifting forward to feel his cock brush against Eddie's jeans. Eddie was already hard; the man was nearly always horny.

Steve reached up to at least take off his dumb little hat and stop it from jingling with his every movement, but Eddie grabbed his wrist. "Leave it on. For me?" Eddie pleaded, brown eyes huge.

"Fine," Steve huffed. He was helpless in the face of Eddie's puppy dog eyes.

Steve leaned forward to kiss Eddie, tangling his hands in Eddie's hair. Eddie stuck his hands into Steve's tights, palming over the bare skin of his ass. He pressed a finger into Steve's crack, rubbing lightly around his rim without pushing in.

Steve groaned and pressed his hips forward. He was hard now, too, hungry for the brush of Eddie's cock against his own. He reached down to undo Eddie's belt, shifting for a moment to shimmy Eddie's jeans and boxers down his thighs.

He settled himself back in Eddie's lap. Eddie's finger returned to his rim, delicately teasing but unwilling to press in dry. Steve pushed his cock against Eddie's. He didn't have underwear on beneath his tights, so there was only a thin layer of fabric between them.

"Stevie," Eddie moaned. "Wanna bend you over the couch and fuck you with your little elf costume on."

"You are so weird," Steve muttered. But he also wanted to be bent over the couch and fucked, and he didn't care if he stayed in costume while they did it.

He disentangled himself from Eddie and stood up. Eddie pouted at him. "Well? Go get the lube," Steve sassed, hands on his hips.

Eddie's face lit up and he scrambled off the couch, pulling up his pants so he could run to the bedroom. He stumbled back into the living room as Steve was bending himself over the arm of the couch, ass out to the room with his face near the couch cushions.

"Fuck yes," Eddie muttered. He threw the bottle of lube onto the couch as he positioned himself behind Steve. Eddie gripped Steve's waist for a moment, hands squeezing, then traveling down to flip Steve's dumb little tunic up. Eddie palmed over Steve's ass through the green tights.

"What if I just cut a hole in these so we could leave them on?" Eddie mused.

"Absolutely not," Steve snapped. "The tights come down or you don't get to fuck me."

Eddie sighed dejectedly. "Fine," he grumbled. He pulled the tights down until they were below Steve's knees, finally freeing Steve's straining cock. Steve heard the sound of Eddie pushing his own pants back down, then Eddie was crowding against his back, sticking his cock between Steve's thighs and rubbing it against Steve's balls.

"Fuck, you are so hot," Eddie mumbled. He kept moving lazily between Steve's thighs until Steve grabbed the lube and brandished it over his shoulder at him.

"You said you were going to fuck me, Munson," Steve complained. "I'm not feeling any fucking."

"So impatient," Eddie scolded, smacking one of Steve's ass cheeks playfully. He grabbed the lube from Steve's hand and snapped the lid open. Eddie pulled his cock out from between Steve's thighs, pulling Steve's cheeks apart with his hands.

He must have just been staring at Steve's asshole for a few moments like the freak that he was. Finally, though, Steve felt a cold drizzle of lube on his ass, and then Eddie's thumb stroking over his rim. It pressed in gently, Eddie pulling slightly. He toyed with Steve's rim using his thumb for a few moments until Steve started to wiggle impatiently.

Eddie laughed, but gave Steve what he wanted, pushing a finger inside of Steve. He worked it in and out slowly, giving Steve ample time to adjust before adding a second. He scissored his fingers to open Steve up, gently crooking them forward every few moments to rub against Steve's prostate.

Steve pushed back into the fingers, greedy for more. Eddie always took way more time than Steve actually needed to open him up. Steve was too annoyed by the day in general to be patient this time.

"I'm ready," he whined. "Come on, just fuck me."

Eddie tsked. "Ask nicely, like a good elf."

"Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me," Steve sniped.

Eddie pulled his fingers out. "No, I am not. Bad elves don't get fucked."

"Jesus fucking Christ. Who are you in this fucked up little scenario in your head? Santa?"

"Yes, absolutely. Big Daddy Santa."

"Ew, never say that again."

"Big Daddy Santa."

Steve made to stand up, but Eddie pressed him back down with a hand on the small of his back. "Oh my god, fine," Eddie huffed. "I'll fuck you, you naughty little elf."

Steve relaxed as he felt Eddie position his cock at his entrance. Eddie pressed in, Steve reveling in the stretch and burn. He sighed and leaned further into the couch as Eddie bottomed out, hands coming up to grip Steve's hips.

Eddie fucked him slowly at first, gradually picking up the pace as Steve encouraged him with breathy moans. Just as he was starting to get into a perfect rhythm, cock brushing Steve's prostate with each stroke, the door to their apartment opened.

"Good evening, brochachos, I come bearing gifts!" a familiar voice called.

Steve and Eddie's heads both snapped up, swiveling over to where Argyle was waltzing into their apartment.

"Oh shit. I forgot," Eddie gasped, balls deep in Steve.

"What the fuck!" Steve yelped.

Argyle took in the situation, eyebrows raising. "Don't stop on my account, my good dudes. Looks like fun."

Steve stood up sharply, bonking the back of his head against the front of Eddie's. Eddie yelped in pain and pulled out of Steve, stumbling back, pants down around his ankles.

"Argyle, what are you doing here?" Steve cried, hastily pulling up his tights and pushing his tunic back down.

"The Eds man asked me to come over to trade weed. Indiana to California exchange agreement," Argyle explained.

"You knew he was coming over?" Steve turned to Eddie with murder in his eyes.

"I forgot!" Eddie spluttered, pulling his pants up. "You looked so good in your elf get-up, I couldn't resist you!"

"He's got a point there, Steve-o. You make a fine elf." Argyle nodded slowly, eyes roaming up and down Steve's body.

Steve blushed, shifting awkwardly on his feet. Eddie picked up on it immediately, giving Steve a sharp grin. His shark smile. The one that meant he was about to make Steve squirm and then blow his mind.

"Hey, Stevie," Eddie said, tapping his pointer finger to his mouth as though he was just realizing something. "We never checked spitroasting off our bingo card for the year."

Steve's mouth dropped open. "The bingo card was a joke, Eddie. Do you seriously still have that?" They'd made a sex bingo card for the new year while they were drunk on New Year's Eve. Steve didn't even remember what was on it.

"Of course," Eddie replied. He walked over to the coffee table and pulled one of the drawers open, rifling through it's contents. "Here!" he cried, holding up a piece of paper. The bingo card. Which Eddie had apparently been referencing and checking off all year.

Every square was crossed off except one in the bottom left which read, "Get Steve spitroasted."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Steve muttered, grabbing the paper out of Eddie's hand.

Eddie smirked. "I'm just saying, we've got a golden opportunity here, Stevie. Argyle is clearly just as enamored of your elven form as I am. And you told me last week you thought he was cute. Why not?"

Steve smacked Eddie on the arm. "I told you that in confidence," he hissed.

Argyle had been watching the exchange silently, his head moving back and forth between the two of them. "Always happy to help a friend out," he interjected, with a lazy grin.

Eddie raised his eyebrows at Steve, an actual question in his eyes now. Steve crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lower lip. He had always wanted to get spitroasted. And Argyle was cute. And laid back enough that he wouldn't make things weird. Even if he did, he lived thousands of miles away and only visited Indiana a few times a year.

"Alright," Steve finally conceded. Eddie's face split into a wide grin and he fist-pumped the air.

"Rad," Argyle said, nodding his head. He walked further into the apartment, dropping a bag of weed on the table. "Where do you want me?"

Eddie turned to Steve. "It was your bingo item, you get to pick."

Steve cycled through several options in his mind before settling on one. "Me and Eddie like we were before, Argyle kneeling in front of me on the couch."

"Good choice," Eddie approved. He pulled Steve close against his body and whispered, "You sure you wanna do this?"

Eddie always made sure to give him an out before they tried something new. Steve nodded, planting a wet kiss on Eddie's cheek. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Alright, let's go!" Eddie yelled. He let go of his hold on his pants, letting them fall to the floor. His cock was still hard, or possibly just already hard again, jutting up from his pelvis.

Argyle disrobed almost as quickly, though he had the handicap of still needing to unzip his jeans. He wasn't fully hard, but was definitely getting there. Neither of them seemed embarrassed to whip their dicks out in front of each other.

Steve preened at the obvious enthusiasm they both had for the sexual encounter with him. He moved back to the arm of the couch, bending himself over it again.

Eddie positioned himself behind Steve, flipping up his tunic and rolling his tights down his legs again. He pressed two fingers back into Steve's hole, confirming he was still loose and lubed, then pressed his cock back in.

Steve sighed in relief at being filled again, holding himself upright on his hands. Argyle shuffled up onto the couch and came to his knees in front of Steve, cock now fully erect. It was a nice cock, uncut and shorter than Eddie's but a little girthier. Steve leaned forward to lick a bead of precum off the head.

The bell on Steve's hat jingled as Eddie fucked into him. He reached up to pull it off, but Argyle grabbed his wrist. "Nah, man. The hat stays on," Argyle insisted.

Steve huffed. "Really? You too? A bunch of fucking degenerates with elf fetishes," he grumbled. But he left on the hat.

Argyle was holding the base of his cock now, directing it toward Steve's face. Steve moved toward it, sucking the head into his mouth. Argyle pulled his foreskin back so Steve could lick around the glans, tonguing the sensitive skin directly underneath.

Argyle moaned, his free hand coming to Steve's shoulder to balance. Eddie was taking his time behind Steve, fucking in and out slowly. Steve pushed his mouth further down Argyle's cock, pressing his tongue firmly up against the underside as he took more of him in.

"Shit, you're good at this," Argyle muttered, hips making tiny thrusts into Steve's mouth.

"He's the best at it," Eddie agreed.

Steve moaned at the praise, pressing his ass back into one of Eddie's thrusts as he got Argyle fully into his mouth. Steve swallowed around Argyle's cock. It was short enough that it barely hit the back of his throat, and his gag reflex was able to handle it.

Eddie started to pick up his pace as Steve bobbed vigorously up and down on Argyle's cock, taking him all the way into his throat every few bobs. Argyle was muttering something in Spanish, which Steve hoped was a good sign.

Eddie angled his hips so his next thrust hit Steve's prostate. Steve moaned around Argyle's cock as Eddie started to pound mercilessly against his prostate, the noise of his hips slapping against Steve's ass filling the room.

"You gonna make us both come, pretty boy?" Eddie cooed. Steve tried to nod, mouth full of Argyle's cock. He felt Eddie's fingers grab a handful of his hair that was sticking out beneath the elf hat.

Eddie pulled, arching Steve's back with the tug. Argyle shifted his hips up to follow Steve's mouth, starting to thrust into it in earnest now that Steve's head was immobilized by Eddie's hand in his hair.

"What a good little slut," Eddie praised, tugging harder on his hair. Steve's eyes watered and his cock got even harder from the pain and the praise. "You come first, baby, then we'll mark you up real nice."

Steve keened as Eddie reached around for his aching cock, jerking it off hard and fast. Steve came in seconds, spurting onto the ground and probably the side of the couch.

He felt Eddie and Argyle pull out at almost exactly the same time. He whined at the loss, but then Argyle was coming all over his face, cum spurting up into his hair and onto the hat. Thankfully none of it got in his eyes.

Seconds later, he felt Eddie's cum spurting over his ass and the backs of his thighs. He looked over his shoulder to see streaks of cum coating his elf tunic.

"Seriously?" he groused. "I was supposed to bring the costume back tomorrow!"

Eddie shrugged, looking not even a little chagrined. "Guess it's ours now. Thanks for the assist, Argyle."

"Anytime, my good man."

Steve stood up from the couch with a groan, ignoring them both to pull off the ruined tunic and hat. "In my hair, too?" he complained as he threw the hat to the side.

"Well we needed to make sure the hat was included in the field of spray!" Eddie argued. He knew Steve hated cum in his hair.

"Were you just non-verbally communicating about how to ruin my elf uniform the whole time you guys were fucking me?" Steve demanded, hands on his hips.

"Well, not the whole time," Eddie said. "Maybe next time, I can dress up as Santa and Argyle can be Mrs. Clause," Eddie ventured. Argyle looked way too excited about the possibility as he tucked himself back in his pants.

"Oh my god." Steve turned away from them both, walking toward the bathroom. "You're both unbelievable."

"That wasn't a no," he heard Eddie stage whisper to Argyle as he shut the bathroom door.

[welcometojackass2022]

Fairy Wings (Joe Frantz x Reader Smut Drabble)

Just a cute little smut drabble where you and Frantz dress up as Tinkerbell and Captain Hook for a costume party (hosted at Bam’s place) and Frantz is absolutely smitten by you in the Tinkerbell outfit so the two of you have a quickie before the party. Idea by @chasingwinehouse aka my resident Joe Frantz consultant! The first photo I used is from Frantz’s Facebook page. The second is similar to the type of costume he’d be wearing in this fic (but with a hook and all that).

Warnings: Smut, Cursing, Sex in Costume

@asskickedbygirl tagging you as always

“What do you think, baby, hook or no hook?” You peeked your head out of the bathroom to answer Frantz’s question, careful not to show off your costume (you wanted it to be a surprise) as you laughed at the question. “You’re playing Captain Hook, Frantz, I think the hook is essential.” Frantz grinned, face going slightly red as he adjusted his Captain Hook hat and fixed his tunic shirt so it showed off his broad, muscled chest. “Very good point, sweetheart, that’s why you’re the brains of this relationship.” You giggled. “You’re sweet, baby. And you make a very sexy Captain Hook.” It was true. His long hair was down, and he wore a pirate hat, big black boots, and a white tunic shirt that showed off his chest in a slutty way. Frantz blushed, shaking his head as he picked up his hook. “Aw, shucks, I’m sure you look ten times better, baby. Now finish getting ready so I can see your costume! We don’t wanna be late for Bam’s party.” Bam was throwing a costume party at Castle Bam, and the two of you were attending.

You nodded, pulling your head back into the bathroom and closing the door as you finished changing. Frantz grabbed his prop hook piece and fit it over his non-dominant hand, waiting for you to come out of the bathroom so he could show you. After a moment, you stepped out wearing the trademark Tinkerbell costume; a short green dress with shiny fairy wings attached to the back, cute green shoes with a little white ball on each one, and the character’s iconic bun hairstyle. You looked up at Frantz, smiling bashfully as you spun around to give him the full view of the outfit. “Well, what do you think?” He didn’t respond for a moment, his eyes locked on the short hem of your Tinkerbell dress with a dark and blatantly lustful gaze. You frowned. “Frantz? What’s the matter, do you not like it? Cuz I can—”

Before you could finish, Frantz had yanked off his hook, thrown it aside, and strode across the room to push you up against the wall, smashing his lips against yours as his hands wandered down to slip under the hem of the dress. He pulled away to press his forehead against yours with a look of pure adoration. “Like it? I fucking love it. I mean holy fuck, baby, you make such a pretty fairy.” You beamed, rubbing your hand over his exposed chest as he pressed his lips against yours again, sliding his hand up your bare legs to feel the silk green panties you’d worn underneath the dress. He pulled away again with a dark look. “Nothing but panties under such a short dress? If I didn’t know any better I’d think you were trying to tempt me into giving you some attention before the party, sweetheart.” He pulled at the laces on his pirate pants, loosening them enough to reach inside as he fished his cock out; it was already hard as a rock, the tip an angry red color as a steady stream of precum leaked from the tip in a way that made your dripping pussy throb.

You moved to grab at it, but Frantz grabbed your hips and turned you around so your tummy and chest were against the wall and your back was to him, just barely pulling your dress up to expose your green panties, which were already soaked from how wet you were. He rubbed over your pussy with two fingers, smirking at how clearly desperate you were for his cock. “Your tight little pussy looks so good under this dress, sweetheart, I can’t wait to stretch you out while you look so nice and pretty for me.” You whined softly as you looked back at him, pushing your ass back to try and get him to touch you, and he laughed as he delivered a firm smack to your left asscheek, pulling your panties aside with two fingers and lining the fat head of his cock up with your pussy. “Be nice and loud for me, sweetheart, or I’ll drag this out until you’re begging me to let you cum.” He pushed the head of his cock inside of you, the tip alone being enough to stretch you out as you leaned your head against the wall with a breathy moan. Frantz pushed his cock farther in with an agonizingly slow pace that was clearly intended to make you more desperate, dragging it out for as long as he could as he slowly thrust inside you.

You whined even louder than before, tightening up around his shaft as you pushed your hips back against him in a vain attempt to get him to fuck you harder. Unfazed, he merely pushed his cock in another inch at the slowest pace he possibly could, gradually thrusting deeper until he was almost at the base of his cock; he paused for a moment, making you writhe with impatient as you waited for him to move, and then, without warning, he pulled his cock all the way out and slammed it back inside of you, pounding your tight pussy in a way that made you nearly scream in pleasure. “That’s it, sweetheart, take my cock like a good little slut. God you look so fucking pretty in this outfit, baby, we should get couples costumes more often. The sight of your ass in these green panties under this slutty little dress is enough to make me bust my load in you, never mind how cute your pussy looks when it’s stuffed with my cock.” He moved one of his hands around to wrap around the base of your neck, lightly pressing down as he pounded you from behind and pulled your head back to rest on his chest.

You stared up at him with a slutty, desperate, open-mouthed look that made him curse under his breath as he delivered another quick, harsh thrust, smacking your ass with as much force as he could as he pounded you mercilessly from behind. “Tell me how much you love it when I fuck you like this, baby. Tell me how much you need to be stuffed with my cock and I’ll make sure you cum around my cock like a good little fairy.” You moaned loudly as he tightened his grip on your throat, his tip hitting your g-spot as he quickened his pace. “I love it when you fuck me like this, Frantz, your big fat cock feels so good when it’s stuffing my tight little pussy from behind like this and when you smack my ass til it’s bright red and covered in your handprints. Please fuck me harder, baby, I need it so bad, I want you to fill me with your cum and leave me so sore that all the people at the party will notice me walking funny and know how hard you fucked me.” Frantz growled under his breath, his hand coming down on your ass again as he leaned down to bite a noticeable hickey on your neck, moving his free hand down to rub circles over your exposed clit.

The feeling of his cock stuffing you mixed with the feeling of him stimulating your clit was too much for you, and you came around his cock with a whiny moan as he delivered another harsh smack to your sore ass, eyes watering at the overstimulation as he continued to thrust inside you until he came too, shooting his hot load deep inside your pussy as he grabbed your hips and pulled you as far back on his cock as he could. He kept the back of your dress pulled up with one hand so he could watch his load fill you up, and then he pulled away, satisfied, stuffing his cock back inside his pants and gingerly grabbing your chin to make you face him. “You did so fucking good for me, sweetheart, that was amazing. And I meant what I said, you look absolutely gorgeous in that costume.” He kissed you on the lips, and you smiled, hair messy and costume all askew from being manhandled like that. You started to move, but he quickly stopped you. “Hold on, baby, let me just get a picture of this real quick.” You watched in bewilderment as he grabbed one of his many cameras, aiming the lens at you as he snapped a few pictures of you with your panties pulled down and your pussy dripping with his cum. He glanced down at the camera to view the photos, grinning. “Ah, Halloween memories!”

You burst out laughing, turning around to lean your back against the wall as he set the camera down and came over to give you another kiss. “Not exactly a memory we’ll be able to share with friends or family.” He shrugged, helping you fix your hair. “They don’t need to see that anyway, it’s just for you and me. Here, why don’t we just pull these up and skip the clean up this time!” He pulled your panties back up, leaving your pussy full of his cum, and you raised an eyebrow. “A little messy, isn’t it? And aren’t we about to be in a room with like fifty of your friends and coworkers? I didn’t think you’d be the type to wanna show off like this.” Frantz laughed, pulling the hem of your dress down and smoothing it out over your body as he gave you a kiss on the cheek and rubbed your hips. “No one there is gonna know, baby, it’s just for me. The idea of you walking around that party with my cum inside you is just too good to pass up.” You smiled. “It is, isn’t it? Alright, let’s do it. You better go grab your hook, though, or else people won’t know who you’re supposed to be.” He nodded, walking over to pick up the prop piece as he pulled it over his hand again. “You know, if you’re ever in the mood to try something new, I could always try fucking you with this—” You cut him off with a look. “No fucking chance.”

[galloperthompson]

Regarding Galloper Thompson’s clothes

Including his (slutty, thigh high) boots

It’s been brought to my attention that galloper’s slutty thigh high boots actually look like ankle boots with the thigh high part tucked into the boot. So I’ve decided to go beyond my jokes about him being a slut anyways and make this post going over his clothes. And buckle up folks, it gets long.

I’ll be honest, it’s pretty difficult to find details about 13th century (and 12th century) Scandinavian life specifically, especially since I’m using google. For this post, I have just used general European fashion, but in the future I’ll be mixing viking things with general European things from this time (but I’ll mostly try to keep the general European things to German and English/Irish stuff). I’ll also be referencing things from both the 13th century and the 12th century, since galloper “lived” during the early 13th century (and every website seems to think the 13th century started in 1250).

But anyways, an English knight from the mid 13th century apparently wore something like this on his bottom half (underneath other layers):

Now as you can see in this terrible quality picture (sorry about that, but I did try to label it), the hose are thigh high just like galloper’s leg coverings, which is what gave me the idea that maybe it’s hose he’s wearing. So let’s begin.

I would explain the whole system they used, but this does it better than I could (you only need to read until it starts talking about chausses since we’re only talking about the hose). The linked text is a bit weird and may (or may not) be unreliable, but it’s compact, explains things well, and has pictures (it’s where I got that *stunning* photo I labeled). However, keep in mind that it depicts a mid 13th century English knight, and galloper is from early 13th century Scandinavia, so while there may be similarities, there’s also definitely differences in how he would’ve dressed. Braies were apparently longer in the first half of the 13th century, for one, and didn’t really become “underwear” for everyone until the second half and later. Hose were also referred to as stockings, and apparently hose and stockings didn’t really refer to different things until later on. Additionally, clothing differed between class, but we’re not going to go over that today.

So how does this relate to galloper? Well his lower half actually sort of resembles the picture above, doesn’t it? His “hose” are thigh high, with ankle high shoes over them, just like the picture. Despite the similarities, though, there are differences. His “hose” aren’t pointed, and so there are no ties for them. Apparently, hose didn’t have to be pointed, and those thigh high hose that weren’t pointed were held up with pins.. but there are no pins to hold them up either. Without one of these mechanisms to hold up the hose, they would not stay in place. And considering we can see where the thigh high part ends, we should also be able to see at least part of what’s holding them up. The thigh high part could also theoretically be “leg bandages” that extend above the knee. However, his “hose” don’t look like wrapped or crisscrossed cloth, they look solid, so leg bandages are unlikely.

Now, I wanted to present hose as an explanation based (somewhat) in history, but I don’t actually think he’s wearing hose. We’ll go over why later in this post, but let’s keep going for now.

On to his tunic and coat. Well I say tunic, really it isn’t a tunic by medieval standards. Back in the 13th century, tunics didn’t have buttons—at least not on the front. And his coat.. well it’s not something you’d find in the 13th century. Longer coverings, down to the knee or lower, were the style then. Shorter coverings with buttons down the front didn’t appear until the 14th century in the form of things like doublets. Those “things” were usually very padded and form-fitting, however, and neither galloper’s shirt or coat seem to be padded or exceedingly form-fitting at all.

The history of gloves (in everyday wear, at least) is surprisingly complex, so I won’t be touching his gloves. I’m also ignoring his belt because I don’t have much to say on it, but they did have leather belts with “single-looped” buckles (whatever that means) in the 12th and 13th centuries.

Moving on to his cape. Ah yes, his tattered little cape (which matches his mare’s tattered little saddle blanket!). Who knows why the fuck he wears it. There doesn’t seem to be a hood (like the medieval chaperon) or a part that comes around to cover the shoulders, and it’s too short to be a cloak. My best guess is that it was a design choice based on the fact that such a short cape doesn’t need a fluttering animation. Why not axe (lol) the whole idea of a cape? Well, all the coolest characters have capes!

His weird ass shoulder pad I can’t come up with an explanation for, though (or at least a medieval one). If he had a neck, the shoulder pad would be digging into it based on the position. Maybe it’s supposed to be like those shoulder pads with tassels on some formal military uniforms (technically “epaulettes” with “fringe”)? Except instead of tassels it’s feather looking things and also there’s only one shoulder pad for some reason?

All of this is to say that none of what he’s wearing can realistically pass for 13th century clothing, except maybe his lower half, and that’s still stretching it.

His entire outfit actually most resembles military uniforms from the 18th and early 19th centuries, as @inkowl13 pointed out in this post. When he floats, you can even clearly see his tattered coattails, which are his trademark green on the underside. In the case of 18th century garb, his shirt would be a waistcoat (he doesn’t seem to be wearing an 18th century shirt underneath his “waistcoat” at all, but maybe we just can’t see it or distinguish it from his “waistcoat”), and his jacket-thing would be a uniformed soldier’s coat. His lower half would be breeches with either a. ankle boots and over-the-knee stockings, b. ankle boots and thigh high gaiters (those things with buttons that go over the top of the shoe), or c. thigh high boots, which appeared as riding boots in the 15th century and remained common until the 19th century—including in military uniforms (in fact, some cavalry units today still use them in their ceremonial dress uniforms). His shoulder pad would, in fact, be a strange attempt at an epaulet/epaulette (which were used in the 18th century (and beyond) to denote rank) with fringe the color of his trademark green. The fact that there’s only one also makes sense within this period; whether the epaulet/epaulette was on the right, left, or both shoulders indicated rank (Galloper’s “epaulet/epaulette” is on his right shoulder, our left). The issue of glove history is also eliminated since it seems military uniforms in the 1700s made use of gloves. Men’s capes/cloaks at this time went to the knee or below it, so my explanation for his cape is unchanged. Through this lens, things start to become clear.

This is a mannequin (is that what you call the fake models of historical clothing? does mannequin apply in this context?) wearing an 18th century cavalry uniform:

As you can see, he looks incredibly similar to galloper, despite the many differences.

And these are two sets of 18th century soldiers (again, sorry for the less than ideal quality):

On the left there’s a pair of soldiers with over-the-knee boots and on the right there’s a pair with over-the-knee gaiters (see how they go over their shoes). Thigh high boots would make more sense for a horseman, but thigh high gaiters would explain some things about his lower half, like how his boots and the thigh high part are different colors. However, there are no buttons on the sides (like gaiters have) or garters at the knee (like both stockings and gaiters had), and the thigh high part is tucked into the shoe, more like stockings rather than gaiters. In these pictures you can also see how his upper half looks incredibly similar to all four soldiers, again, even with the differences.

Now, unless galloper was keeping up with fashion until the 18th century when he stopped (he gave up I guess? said “fuck that shit” and hasn’t changed clothes for the past 300 years?), he shouldn’t be wearing an 18th century military uniform. Especially since he was shown wearing the same clothes in his execution scene (which I don’t put too much stake in considering the Jarl was in his ghost form and even the soul riders don’t have 2 sets of clothes in game).

So why does he look like this, then? The reason why he looks like a revolutionary war soldier can be traced back to the inspiration used for his design. According to Jorvikipedia, his “...design takes direct inspiration from author Washington Irving’s Headless Horseman from The Legend of Sleepy Hollow...” which explains why he looks the way he does. Jorvikipedia has been wrong before (they list his place of birth as “Jorvik (presumably)” which doesn’t fit with his backstory), but if Galloper’s design was based on the headless horseman of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” (which it very likely was), it would provide justification for the 18th century look of his clothes. Washington Irving’s horseman was, after all, (alleged to be) killed during the revolutionary war in the 18th century.

It’s obvious his upper half is based on 18th century uniform, but the intention behind his lower half remains a mystery. Whether it’s meant to be stockings, gaiters, or boots, I don’t know. Theoretically, his lower half could even have been intended to be hose, braies, and shoes. But considering his entire look and the inspiration behind his design, an 18th century explanation seems more likely (I just don’t know which 18th century explanation, exactly). It would be pretty strange if half of him was medieval and the other half was from the revolutionary war era. Though, I’ll admit, it’s not completely impossible.

My theory for the contradiction between his design and his backstory is that his backstory came after his design. The 18th century look of him, along with his inspiration, and the lack of medieval elements in his design all make a compelling case for this theory. The only thing I can think of that may disprove it is his mare’s y-shaped bridle, but even that could be explained if she was designed after galloper, while his backstory was in its first stages of development (I’ll probably do another post on his horse’s tack, since this post is already long, but that’s for another day). But that’s just a theory; the star stable team could very well have just not done any research on 13th century attire, instead modeling his look on depictions of Irving’s headless horseman and adding the bridle as an indication of the origin they had already established for him.

Ok, but what about the rest? The other parts of his and his mare’s designs (color scheme, hanging pumpkin jack-o-lanterns) can be attributed to the fact that he is the halloween event character. Though his color scheme could be inspired by the headless horseman in World of Warcraft, who was introduced in 2007 (I found out about this horseman while looking into other possible inspirations for galloper’s design), all the colors seen on him and his mare (black, green, red, orange) are general Halloween colors. The hanging jack-o-lanterns are not historically accurate for the Middle Ages (or the revolutionary war era, actually) as pumpkins were not introduced into Europe until Columbus “discovered” the Americas, and did not become commonly carved into jack-o-lanterns until the 19th century in America -which was when and where “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” was published (though the pumpkin “head” was not even carved in the original story). I suppose galloper could have developed an affinity for pumpkins (and for carving them) later on (Jorvik seems to have a lot of them), but it’s more likely that they added them (to the keep and his mare’s design) based on modern halloween practices instead of historical halloweens or consideration of galloper’s feelings on pumpkins.

Ok, so we’ve established he’s not historically accurate for the 13th century, but what would his clothes look like if they were actually historically accurate? The answer is: I don’t know! Maybe I’ll do another google deep dive and make a post on that, but for now we’ve come to the end.

All of my information about historical clothing came from sorting out google results, so take the historical bits with a hefty grain of salt (more like a bowl of salt actually). If you have any actual knowledge about history, please feel free to correct me.