#in his heathcliff arc fr

[genderqueersammy]

Thinking about post-Swan-Song!Dean who’s a fucking mess without Sam… he sees him everywhere though… and there’s not a night that goes by without Sam in his dreams… sometimes when he drinks too much he can almost fool himself into thinking Sam’s still with him but not quite… but it’s more than he’ll get sober so he continues to drink and drink… Sam will appear differently each time… sometimes the tiny baby brother who saw him as his world, other times that almost unrecognisable young man high on demon blood and rage who refuses to be ‘Sammy’… but the worst is Sam, as he was, before he jumped into the cage… the Sam he had watched jump into the cage… Sometimes Dean found himself reenacting those quiet soft moments like driving in the Impala or drinking whilst stargazing, not saying a word of what had happened between them… other times Dean will scream and rage and break things showing what he had done to him…. Most times end with Dean breaking down and begging Sam, to forgive him for not protecting him, to come back to him, promising this time he’ll be better that he’ll do whatever Sam wants just if he comes back… Sam doesn’t say a word, just looks at him through sad eyes that Dean never finds himself able to look into….