#in fact i’ve been kicked out of all of my worthwhile communities for being pathetic
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idk the pre birthday dread is seeping in. i cannot enjoy the celebrations
#vari posting#partly because i’m home alone because my dad didn’t wanna put up with me#but also just#realizing i’m a failure lmao#i haven’t done shit#in fact i’ve been kicked out of all of my worthwhile communities for being pathetic#so. what now#college? pfft#not like they’d take someone with no extra curriculars or anything worthwhile#my grades aren’t good enough to make up for it#i’m falling behind in school because everyone gave up on me#no help from teachers or old friends#losing people left and right because i’m just not a good person to be around#like god if i met myself ten years ago they would be so disappointed in me#they wanted friends. to be with their best friends forever and ever#wanted parties and good grades and just to feel at home#can’t even give them that#i had to cancel my fucking birthday party because i don’t have anyone to invite#my parents don’t even bother with me anymore because i’m that much of a lost cause#little me would hate this#more than i do now#it’s been ten years since it all started#i just wanted friends#that was my big goal for years#make new friends.#can’t even do that#and i’m not even smart enough to make up for my lack of a social life#i’m failing in every department.#i’m almost an adult. i need to start thinking about what i’m doing after high school. getting a job#i can’t even do my homework anymore
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