#in fact - i think said ties are kinda exaggerated

[astrxealis]

merry christmas btw i kinda forgot to say it ere at all oopsies >_< i hope you all had/have a wonderful holiday season or week or day or month regardless of your religion and if you celebrate christmas !!!!!

i got 'the end of everything' by katie mack for xmas (i begged my parents lol) bcs i finally saw it in a bookstore after months of looking for it that i just Fell to the ground ..... i love astrophysics i love space i love science. i also love u all

[hxhhasmysoul]

Do u think maybe when killua was stalking gon it was because he was jealous of gon and not palm for going on a date with palm or just going on a date?like what proof do we have that he was jealous of palm other than him not liking palm?and when he asked gon if he had went on a date before gon said yes and killua had a rock drop on his face😭and he kinda envied him like hes so experianced,maybe he was jealous of gon not palm

This is a lot of maybes in one go so I will take them in chunks.

and he kinda envied him like hes so experianced,maybe he was jealous of gon not palm

I don't disagree that Killua may have envied Gon "experience" to some extent, though "envy" feels like such a strong word. It's more like, ever since the Hunter's Exam, Killua acts around Gon a bit like an older brother. He assumes the role of protector and guide for Gon, because he knows much more about the world than Gon does. And it's not merely Killua's arrogance, it's a fact. Killua does have a much vaster knowledge about the world than Gon because Gon grew up sheltered on an island and their adventures together are the first time Gon is exposed to many things. It's one of the things about Killua Gon gets impressed with. Even if Killua isn't always right (he made them loose all their money due to his gambling addiction... side eye).

But Killua doesn't think Gon is incompetent, he does respect Gon's strengths. He just expects wordliness to be his strong suit, not Gon's. And having understanding of such things like dating is part of that. So he first of all puts too much meaning into Gon's words, interprets them as if Gon had gone on real proper dates, not just fake dates with Mito or as a guide to some older lady tourists. And Killua gets crushed by that, he can't impress Gon with his knowledge of these things because Gon knows more!

So I won't try to convince you that one of Killua's motivations for stalking Gon wasn't a simple desire to learn just how much Gon knows about dating.

like what proof do we have that he was jealous of palm other than him not liking palm?

I'm not sure he is really seriously jealous of Palm at all. He knows Gon is being coerced into the date and he knows Gon knows that he is being coerced. Maybe when Palm shows up all pretty and Gon is all smiles then Killua starts to get jealous because he starts to believe in the ruse, starts to get lost in his own feelings.

But we do know Killua wants to be together with Gon all the time, he thinks that during their weight lifting session before the date with Palm. So he does probably worry a tiny bit that Palm might step in between them somehow. Because he thought Gon had had sex and pretty Palm might offer that. But that ties back to Killua greatly exaggerating Gon's words and his imagination running a little wild from there. (Also Togashi just going with this into a creepy fucking joke, but not really because wtf is funny about it even, territory where a 13yo boy having been intimate with an older woman would've made him an adult... but Togashi does make Killua think like that, so yeah from that we can guess that Killua likely was worried Gon might get tempted by dolled up Palm.)

Do u think maybe when killua was stalking gon it was because he was jealous of gon and not palm for going on a date with palm or just going on a date?

The main reason Killua is stalking them is because he needs to prove something to himself. He actually feels guilty about what happened with Kite. He feels bad for Gon's suffering. And he's scared because Bisky told him that one day he will abandon Gon. And he knows she might be right because he hears Illumi's voice that tells him to always trust his fear and run.

When Gon's on his date with Palm, he has no nen. And throughout that time Killua constantly monitors the activity of the chimera ants. He's terrified of the attacking, of Gon going into the same mode that he got into when Pitou attacked Kite and he'd try to fight the ants without nen.

So Killua is obsessed with protecting Gon because he wants to be with Gon, he doesn't want that to change. And to achieve that he needs to prove to himself that he can be with Gon. That he can protect Gon and not run away.

So really, even if jealousy plays some role in this, there are other reasons guiding Killua's behaviour. Reasons that existed pre Palm so to speak. She is a catalyst from him to verbalising some of these thoughts but it's not like she makes them spawn out of nowhere. And his profound devotion to Gon and their friendship, and his desire not to betray Gon is what ultimately helps Killua overcome the power of the needle and pull it out.

From my point of view, Killua's declaration that he wants to always be with Gon is a form of declaration of love. And indirect one but in line with Japanese traditions of expressing love. Thus this whole sequence is proof of Killua's deep crush on Gon.

______

I hope this answers your question at least a little. Thank you for the ask.

[dmc-questions-anon]

Not enough done with the fact that technically Agni and Rudra, Nevan, and even Cerberus (either one or all of them, if we assume the weapons limit only exists as a game mechanic and Dante technically has all his weapons with him all the time; he uses Cerberus in a cutscene, even if you don't have it equipped, so presumably it's possible) could've potentially seen/know what happened with Dante, Lady, and Vergil at Temen-ni-gru, right up to the very end. Especially assuming all said Devil Arms Dante carries are still awake/sentient enough to be aware of and comment on whats going on around them, kinda like how Balrog is in DMC5.

This kinda ties into my "Nevan and Trish should be friends and bond over being previously evil demons together", as part of my idea that Trish could help Nevan turn good, but also just like. The idea of Devil Arms being conscious and having their own awareness and personality is such a tasty idea, imo, especially if they can all revert back to their physical form like Balrog is said to be able to in the pre-DMC5 novel (once Dante gets him strong enough- which apparently using a Devil Arm to kill demons with them does, which is another thing I wish was expanded upon).

Only exception to this would probably be Beowulf, since based on the description of the Devil Arm, I'm not sure how much of Beowulf's soul/consciousness was even LEFT in said Devil Arm after Vergil killed him.

Thanks for the ask!

I haven't thought much about that before, but you're right! Nero and Nico visit Enzo's shop where Agni and Rudra are and are told a very over-exaggerated, comedic, and even downright inaccurate tale of how DMC 3 went down (they are totally the type to tell a story completely wrong because they think they're version is "more interesting" than what actually happened, plus they are only privy to details concerning Dante after he acquires them).

Really love the idea of Trish and Nevan being friends too. Give Trish Nevan campaign 2024.

[literali1110]

More 6x01 Chenford Thoughts

So I've had some time to think and read other people's takes on the episode. And I think overall what happened is a little more nuanced than my first reaction so I wanted to share my current thoughts and what I liked and didn't.

Starting from the beginning: When Lucy asks to ride with Tim again, essentially ask him to be TO Tim - this is the beginning of where things start to go wrong IMO. Not only does having them ride together again lessen the impact of their last ride together in 5x12, it completely ignores the fact that they already decided they can't ride together because their personal relationship affects their professional one.

Lucy's first spiral moment: I've seen people say they relate to Lucy's anxiety here, so I don't want to ignore that. But I do kinda wish they hadn't showed her have that spiral out moment while she was on the job, maybe? Or have it be so exaggerated. Although at this point I agree Tim could have said something to help her instead of shaking his head and rolling his eyes (even though Lucy said she knows what he's thinking).

I know they gave excuses for Nyla and Angela (although I think the excuse for Angela wasn't really a good excuse), but I do think they are probably more capable of giving Lucy the professional validation she needs in this moment...

At the actual crime scene: I do think Tim was a little bit in a tough spot... If he gave her the answer, she probably would have been upset anyway. And he did ask her what she wanted him to do and ultimately listened to her. I guess his decision could have led to a murderer getting away, so probably not the best professional choice but again, we already had a whole episode talking about how Tim doesn't make good professional decisions when his girlfriend's reputation is at stake.

I'm not mad at him for how the whole precinct made fun of Lucy, they make fun of everyone. It just would be nice to have some good confident Lucy moments. I want to see her PROGRESS from the TO/rookie dynamic and really come into her own. In fact, one of the good moments was from the episode when Tim was in the hospital and Nyla gives her a pep talk...just further highlighting that in this case, her storyline might have been better if she wasn't riding with Tim.

With the fight scene itself: it seems everyone is in consensus that Tim was trying to be supportive. And on rewatch I still believe this is the case because he starts out by saying she should take the exam and even when he agrees she can wait, he mentions she can still do UC in the meantime. So I do think that in that moment Lucy was reading into something that wasn't there and lashing because of her own insecurities. However, I do see the arguement that Tim could have realized that and tried to react to it better.

And that's why the last scene to me felt very disconnected from the main issue this episode - which was Lucy feeling insecure. She brings up that Tim is being unsupportive because of his own reservations - except, he was trying to be supportive in the previous conversation! So I just don't think this was a way the "Tim's feelings about UC" conversation should have been brought up - even though I agree it is a conversation that needs to be had.

(And I don't really understand what Lucy meant by 'undermining', if she's still referring to his "being unsupportive".)

And Tim is obviously upset by that and walks away, while I think he should have stayed and talked to her about the real issue at hand. I've seen people mention that this also ties back to how Lucy doesn't have support from her parents and that's something that we've never even seen them talk about together on screen (we never saw her tell Tim about the last time her mom came over in S3).

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is there are two topics here. 1. Lucy's confidence and career path. 2. Tim's feelings about UC and how he is going to deal with what Lucy chooses. And maybe they would have been able to have each of these storylines really shine if they hadn't mixed them all up together in this episode and kept them riding together. Have them work our their professional storylines separately, or with the help of other characters, but come home and discuss how it's all affecting them personally.

(Of course, you could argue that it's all connected for Lucy, she's the one factoring Tim's feelings into her decision, and there's something to that, but still, I just want to see a new and better dynamic for them, together and apart, that isn't the old TO/rookie one.)

My dream for Lucy actually is that she goes into that interview room with Primm and just owns up to what she did: yeah, I managed to manipulate 5 police officers in a trade, so just think what I can do in an interrogation room!

[rose-reads-visualnovels]

how do you get so good at analysis? ;_; i'm really dumb and take things at surface value, which i've been fine with up until now but seeing you read umineko so deeply makes me kinda like.... jealous isn't the right word? that sounds too spiteful. it just makes me feel like i'm missing out on a more fun way to experience things. but it seems so daunting i don't even know how to start. to me it seems like picking out every detail and exaggerating it as far as possible but it's obviously more refined than that because you're able to keep things together thematically and make some good theories. do you have any advice for it?

Hi, anon!

Don’t worry, I don’t think you’re being jealous/spiteful with this ask. I also used to want to write analysis on things because they seem fun, and actually this is my first proper try at it! I think I’ve said it before but if I’m not careful I’ll binge everything on first watch/read and miss details. (This is why I rewatch Utena every other month). So yes, I know sometimes I’m grasping at straws but that’s because I’m actively squeezing everything I can out of a page/scene.

I think what sets this liveblog apart and the reason I can pick up threads/themes is that Umineko seems very upfront about what it wants to say.

「MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, EVERYONE WANTED A LOT OF MONEY RIGHT NOW…!」

Utena is the same in that - even though people say it’s too symbolic - I think the fact that it bares its inner mechanisms for all to see is a huge kindness. If everything means something else, or represents both itself and a larger concept, then a show where everything is allegorical is actually discarding layers of obfuscation.

I think a good place to start to Notice Themes is at the very beginning.

The Golden Witch invites you to take things easy and accept them as they come, but The Revolutionary Witch tells you that - in any story - the first introductions matter the most.

Up until now, Umineko has drilled inside our heads again and again, repetition after repetition, that the Ushiromiya’s Western schtick is a product of Kinzo’s reverse weeb affectations. He started many of the “traditions” that seem so inescapable, he invented the name for the fucking chair he sits at the breakfast table and the order of the seats according to his own patriarchal standards.

His Western obsession is tied very obviously with his “black magic” obsession and he even gets angry when you don’t call them “grimoires” because part of the charm of magic is that it’s foreign and cool. He speaks of black magic when ranting about his urges to sexually abuse a dead Beatrice, all his children speak of Western things when recalling their own childhood and abuse.

The only exception to this is Kinzo’s Japanese sword - both a true object and a phallic symbol that doesn’t deny itself its origins - that he uses to spank Jessica’s naked butt.

I feel like, in Umineko, you just need to sit and listen to the characters and wonder at their motivations. But you also need to wonder about the choice of presentation.

For example, Kanon alone in the garden after he left the conversation, being dismissed by Gohda. All he says is “…even me” or something among those lines, very mysterious! But the way this is presented, the camera not caring about the Cousins + Adults but following an actor after he’s being kicked out of the stage? Unusual! Curious! Very interesting! The way the narrative describes it, (paraphrasing here) “you needed to get closer if you wanted to hear the words whispered to his heart”? Why would it be written like that? Who is the narrator speaking to?

So I think - to make an analysis close in methodology to what I’m doing - you need to question what’s onscreen, not in a “this isn’t real” way (it may not be real but that’s not the focus!), but in a “why is this being shown the way it is” way. This is a novel after all. Choices of words, choices of POV, what is described and what’s left unsaid!

Those are the tips from the Revolutionary Witch!

— Rose, the Revolutionary Witch

[youremyheaven]

Ok so i think it went something like this:

When I first saw your post on cancer women having a feminine “baby” voice, I thought it made sense since I know a lot of people irl whom that applies too. Although when I saw you reblog that post about Jupiter women having deeper, raspier voices, I felt like it was kind of contradictory? (Specifically for punarvasu as it partially covers cancer)

I took some time to think about it and perhaps there is a nuance where both theories have truth to them.

For example, Natasha Lyonne was mentioned in the Jupiter women post for having an iconic raspy chainsmoker voice, however if you look at her when she plays the mc in “but I’m a cheerleader” (or in fact any old clip of her), her voice actually had quite a feminine quality to it. Naturally age is a major factor here, and even in her youth her voice did have a distinct raspiness to it, but if you hear her voice from that time hopefully you can see what I mean?

LDR is also a punarvasu Mercury (I believe) and she used to have that very raspy yet very girly and hyper feminine tone when speaking. She has now speaks in a more natural tone, but in this instance I do feel like she thinks she’s too old for it more than any other reason. It’s not completely gone imo but rather become less extreme.

Anyways, it makes me wonder if punarvasu has a combination of the cancer baby voice and the Jupiter raspy deep voice.

I’m mostly interested to hear your thoughts on the topic though as you wrote/contributed to both posts ❤️

when I said that about Cancer Girls and their baby voice, I also spoke about how it's tied to their mannerisms & overall girly girl demeanor and I did say that it's a "pseudo baby voice" it's very affected and exaggerated most of the time.

Punarvasu is one of the Cancer naks (but that post did focus on other naks like Pushya & Ashlesha etc as well)

For example, Wonyoung is a Purvabhadrapada Moon with Venus & Saturn in Punarvasu and she speaks in a fake baby voice when her real voice is much deeper.

A lot of the people I mentioned in that post had a fake baby voice because Cancer girls really enjoy acting hyper feminine.

For example, Karina is Punarvasu Moon and has a husky voice but she speaks and acts in a very feminine way (I'm not saying the two are mutually exclusive just that "baby voice" is one aspect of ingenue like demeanor)

I do think a lot of people kinda outgrow it as you said and there are others who don't.

I think Jupiter women who speak in their "natural voices" are more at ease with the masculine energy of Jupiter (im not suggesting that deep voice = man) because the other natives who speak in a pseudo voice are clearly doing it to present themselves in a more ingenue like feminine way. I've often noticed Jupiter women, esp Punarvasu natives portray themselves in a very exaggeratedly feminine way because they feel masculine (as Jupiter is a masculine planet) on the inside. Claire did address in her latest video about how "trying to be externally feminine" was a big part of the Jupiterian woman's journey.

so I guess it's a combination of several things. but im glad you brought it up, we get to see the many contradictions and facets of Jupiter (every planet is very paradoxical and full of contradictions but that's for another day).

xx 💛💛thanku for this thoughtful ask

[hellspawntale-rebooted]

RANT ABOUT SOMETHING OLD INCOMING

Hello.

As we all know, Charisk is the best Non AU Undertale ship.

However, there was someone who DIDNT think that who I met on Reddit one time.

I’m not going to name names at all here.

This person was STRONGLY against CHARISK, in fact, strongly against any ship with Chara In it. That’ll be explained later.

However, for some STRANGE REASON, they said Charisk was “Necroph*llic”.

Okay. First off… WHAT.

I don’t want them to.. You know! They’re kids! I want them to have a cute wholesome and maybe sometimes a bit chaotic relationship.

Second: So shipping a kid.. with a GHOST/reanimated corpse (depends) kid.. is wrong?

But shipping A kid with someone who tried to murder them who is also technically a dead kid isn’t??? This person was FINE with Fris*riel. WHY.

Third: the explanation of the hating chara ships.

This guy, openly states these three things. “I like fris*riel because it leaves chara open”, “proud chara fanboy”, “chara is a hot woman”…

Yeah, gross right? Not only that, it’s hypocritical, too! Not liking charisk for it being “Necroph*llic”, yet you simp for the dead kid? what?

This person also decided to make a poll to “prove” charisk is bad.. and refuse to listen to reason.

And the WORST part about this.. GUESS WHERE THIS ALL STARTED.

They made A post in a subreddit for an au where Charisk is canon, stating they “don’t like where this is going” when seeing the charisk moments, I, do a silly and kinda over exaggerated comment: “what’s wrong with the best ship ever”, and THIS GUY decides ti make a huge fuss over this.

I’m sorry for ranting, it’s just, basically everyone I’ve told either AGREED with this guy or DIDNT CARE, and I remembered it again. Sorry again

Wait this is my blog I can rant whenever I want-

[0perfectimperfections0]

Hi fellow doll, I hope you're doing fine. I've been quite busy lately, college and life in general have been kicking my ass, so I was forced to take a step back from social media for a while to try to contain the chaos.

Firstly, I'd like to share a fun fact with you! I don't know if you're aware but did you know that Lou's Mansion has a Pool? You can see it more clearly in the Mansion's Concept Designs/Art on this site:

•https://www.claytonstillwell.com/ugly-dolls#23

However, the real reason for this ask is to present a possible answer/theory in regards to how the doll-sized phones came to be in the world of your stories (you can tell this is still related to our chat on Wattpad).

Recently, I came across the images you're seeing on Pinterest. They're Wide/Aerial Views of the Institute of Perfection and one thing that immediately stood out to me is that Giant Eye-Catching Dome behind the TV.

I mean what's its purpose, why is it even there to begin with and what's inside of it? I've been thinking about this for a while and would like to hear your thoughts about it as well, if you're willing to share them.

By any chance, have you seen the movie Wreck-it Ralph? There was a part where the villain enters the code of the game he's in and I think the Dome's purpose could follow a similar, if not equal, vein.

Now that I think about it, Lou and Vanellope's circunstances are almost identical, trapped in the same place for years without the option to leave, simply because of who they are and the traits they were born with, but didn't choose to have.

Sorry, I let my mind run on tangent there for a while, it wanders frequently which makes it hard to keep track of my line of thought.

To circle back to the main topic of discussion, what if the Dome is a Central Station of the Institute, like a Panel or Center for Command Control (or Command Control Center)? CCC for short? Ok, I'll stop trying to be funny...

Perhaps it could be a subroutine of the factory's software, a program linked to its network and wifi that contains all guidelines and rules that govern the Institute and must be followed and executed to keep it functional - a blueprint if you will - and is in charge of all commands, protocols, activities and operations being compiled and run by its machinery, such as the doll-scanner, the robots, the washing machine, the recycling, the Gauntlet plus the mechanical baby and dog and the Portal, just to name a few.

This means that it'd also take care of overseeing the integrity and performance of said machinery as well as its maintenance. It'd even be responsible for generating clouds and the artificial weather because apparently weather is still a thing, even though the Institute is inside of a factory.

I wonder if this subroutine would be run by an AI or simply an intelligent system/computer program. This world's version of Siri? 🤣

Or maybe I'm greatly exaggerating its function/letting my imagination run wild and it literally only gives Electricity for TV and Institute. Where was I going with this? /were we again?

Morever, it could be a storage unit that contains all collected, analysed and reviewed data regarding the inhabitants of the Institute and their responses, physical or emotional, to certain pre-determined stimuli.

It could also have a list of the factory's Perfection Standards: what consists/constitutes a Perfect Doll / product, its traits...

what can go to the market and which flaws/imperfections can't be ignored/overlooked and have to go to the recycling immediately, kinda like separating fruit/food

To sum up, it's the Institute's "rulebook", but instead of being specifically made for the prototype, it's more expansive and focuses on the Institute as a whole.

After the events of the movie, dolls with engineer role job created phones with recicled parts dangerous/turned the recycling into a good thing/while recycling was turned of and parts are human sized, plenty to spare and create phone since dolls come back now, have free time to assemble the parts and construct them and connected them to the signals/frequency emitted by the dome or they hack/steal or find out the password/'hijack' the signals🤣, use it to make them connect with each other but can't enter the dome without proper authorizations/permissions

Fun fact #2: Lou animatronic, would be a hipocrite if he called the Uglydolls "Ugly" has never seen a Mirror before

•https://www.indigobluepencil.com/ugly

Scroll almost to the middle (pre-planned concepts: dome by TV and washing machine, Big baby, Lou, Mandy, Tuesday and Kitty, Victoria, Perfection Council/of Dolls=board of investors directors reference)

•https://www.scottfassett.com/uglydolls-gallery

Had to restart Two Times... I hope you found this ask both entertaining and informative. Hopefully it'll give you Inspiration for your stories...

Okay, I had to do quite a bit of research and asked someone who knows a lot more about computers than I do.

So, I do agree that the dome has an electronic purpose. It really surprises me that STX animated an entire dome within the Institute and literally spoke nothing of it or what's inside of it. Like, seriously, it's huge and can't just be empty on the inside.

My theory, after some research, is that the inside of the dome is essentially a hard drive computer tower. For you younger folk who weren't raised in a 90's home, here's what I'm talking about:

These things right here used to be what would get hooked up to older Dell/Windows computers. The ones that weighed, like, 50 pounds and took up an entire desk.

Instead of a dvd player (which I didn't get one until maybe 8 years old) I would stick my Kidz Bop cd or movie into that slot at the top and watch the movie on the computer with Video Player.

Count your blessings.

But this is what I believe is inside that dome. These things are what holds the CPU (central processing unit), GPU (graphic processing unit), and stores the memory, data, audio, and everything of the computer.

@natalie-the-writer and I have a running fanon that the company is older. The technology is older, the building is older, and everything is set in a pretty retro time period. So, this hard drive tower is connected to those bulky take-up-all-the-space-on-the-desk-computers.

The GPU in this system is also what control the day/night cycle in the Institute and the weather. It essentially simulates a troposphere and an environment that makes the dolls comfortable and prepared for the Big World.

The CPU is how the data is transferred. Info from the robots is controlled and processed, the Individualization scanners are monitored, the portal is opened and closed, the TV runs, and the holographic tutorials Moxy and her friends see in the beginning are kept on, all of it.

It basically functions as the brain of the Institute, but the sole controller and monitor of it is the CEO (Greyson Everett).

I also like to think that Lou's microchip (another fanon thought between Natalie and I) is also monitored via this hard drive tower. Any information that Lou learns and processes is sent into separate files on the computers back in the company building.

This is why in my Shell-Shock series, when Lou's emotions go south, the Institute begins to get windy when he's hyperventilating or rains when he cries. The ground trembles when he has body tremors and the lights flicker when his powers are used. He is literally connected to the whole Institute because his microchip and its data accidentally grow and manifest themselves into the files of the other Institute functions. His programming basically goes rogue and infects the Institute system like a virus.

I'm veering toward the explanation that results in Lou being the first successful form of Artificial Intelligence. But, for the moment, he is basically acting like a virus and it's not until he learns to control this new system he's connected to that it stops becoming a deadly thing.

[light-of-a-dying-sun]

A Winter’s Promise by Christelle Dabos

5/5

I absolutely adored this book. It is reminiscent of the Edge Chronicles by Paul Stewart (a book series I devoured as a child), but with a slightly more grown up main character and much heavier subject material. The world building is incredibly unique and every fact you learn about the world just opens up further lines of questioning. The story and plot is kind of convoluted and slightly confusing with how many different factions and motives there are, but it ties itself together nicely and makes sense. The characters are very exaggerated but as you learn more about them, they reveal hidden nuances that ground them in reality.

Throughout the book, it was very annoying how no one respected Ophelia and just kept talking over her, but (as I’ll talk about more in my review for the second book) her overcoming this was a really intriguing drive for her character. Ophelia in general is a nuanced narrator, who because of her newness to the Pole, is able to allow us to see the absurdity of it all far better than someone like Thorn would have been able to. Her ability to read objects and the way it’s written is a super unique narrative device that helped advance the plot and our understanding of the world, but wasn’t used as a get out of jail free card for giving Ophelia information. She was very active through her own merits and not just because of her magical powers, which was very fun.

I enjoy Thorn and Ophelia’s relationship (like Thorns an asshole the whole time in this book, but it’s well written) because it is explicitly not romantic on the part of Ophelia. She’s definitely somewhere on the ace spectrum and explicitly says that she is incapable of loving any man as a wife, which I think is dope. It’s incredibly rare to see ace characters in books, especially in books where said character is engaged and interacts with people who are romantically (Thorn) and sexually (Archibald) interested in her, while also doing loads of other stuff on her own completely unrelated to romance. She just kinda seems so confused and annoyed by the entire thing and I love that for her.

Her and Thorn’s relationship also is a lot more compelling as a friendship/mutual partnership than it would be as a romance, because it really allows Thorn’s controlling nature to be analyzed and criticized by Ophelia without any unearned romantic or sexual feelings complicating it. Any kind of trust (or distrust) that she has for Thorn is completely earned and really well explored in this first book. It sets up a lot of conflicts that will continue to be important and drive the character arcs of the two characters

One con of this book is that the translation is very apparent. There are a number of times (especially towards the end of the book) where the sentence structure is not changed from French (for example something along the lines of “I you like” instead of “I like you”). This didn’t negatively effect my ready experience but it might for other people. Also there are loads of words that I have to assume are just literally translated from French but would never be used in modern English. I had to look up definitions of words at a far higher rate than most other books, but imo that was a bonus because I got to learn a bunch of new words (like now I can say that I’m gonna perambulate to class like a cool kid)

[autisticbokutoenthusiast]

playboyy rewatch ep 1 stray thoughts

this is much more rambly than my usual ones.....

- ok in the intro monologue is the phop scene the one we see in ep 4… also is that captain and keen?!,!? like it looks like their in the locker room and keen in the coach’s oh wait these are all scenes from the series…. wow never realized now i feel a fool…

- ok is it nont or nant doing that intro speech because we see nont and he says “im here to solve this” but then ends it with “help me zouey” why would he say that !?!?

- it is so weird seeing porsche as part of the baddie bunch, i mean fully included and not framed as being on the outside…. wow

- ok so we have nant joining in on teasing zouey for being a virgin in the ep 1 version… noted. actually no cause then he turns around and tells first to stop bullying him about it?? or was it cause first asked if he was saving to sell his virginity and that’s what nant took issue with

- we still don’t know who bankie is, or why they were telling nant to get out of the mob in the facebook comment section....

- porsche throwing a party for zouey, yet is absent from the convo… inch resting.... in the year nant was missing he became an outsider in his own friendgroup

- i think zouey genuinely is hoping for nant to respond….

- ahhhh the drawing is from zoueys bday 🥺🥺 also why does porsche look like that in the drawing….

- i’m still so obsessed with the party the whole uni was invited to only being attended by the baddy bunch

- wait has jump not quit playboyy lounge yet…. like they pulled up the playboyy page right ?!?!1?

- am not immune to this man’s arms…..

- captains outfits so far including ties....

- oh zouey…. wait did it cut to first?!?!?

- i am not immune to jump….

- zouey looks so horrified…. my boy….

- i love the music here it must be said whoever did scoring ate

- jump is being tested djiruejjdjd hold up SHOES ON THE COUCH?!?!! that look sjdjjs he is so fucking funny like life keeps testing him and he meets it with genuine disbelief

- does porsche know jump already also does porsche know about zouey and jason….

- ok he has not yet torn apart the jason painting…

- is first jerking it to imagining himself as jump oh no i think there’s another person there. oh wait but this is his fantasy…. i missed this first moment first time around

- first time i watched i don’t think i thought much about zouey desperate to get off to the painting but now…. by god…..

- ok so porsche walks in on zouey jerking off to a painting of his daddy….

- omg they’re in horny jail

- i’m going to read so far into zouey saying “if i hadn’t escaped to jerk off [to jason?] that policeman would have raped me” and PORSCHE responding with “you’re exaggerating”…. also zouey saying “i told you im not into this do you want me to disappear like nant” like bro…. actually no i think he’s allowed his trauma moment you go misdirect that blame babe!!

- also dirty tissues all over the floor lol visual metaphors

- does puen have lighter hair here than the rest of the series OH HE ALREADY WALKING AROUND WITH KEEN i still think we deserve a captainpuen hate fuck moment...

- teena’s introduction is still so funny like he has to be the cuntiest bitch asking for directions around a campus he already knows

- ok he gets introduced as thee and not teena… also what do you mean “ladies, don’t drool over him” where are the women in question skdjfjdj

- notice zoueyteena’s first scene having string instrumentals 👀

- i bet the firstsoong song was mixed in house… ooo weve switched to kvarken by ooyy (nuthphop music enthusiasts will remember this artist also did the song for their first sex scene)

- teena with the hair pushed back kinda want me….

- thinking about jason always telling zouey how wonderful his body is and then zouey not believing teena would want him because of his body…..

- the way the light hits teena in this scene deserves so much praise like it’s hitting so hard on rewatch..... (this has nothing to do with the fact im rewatching)

- zouey looking so happy after blowing teena and then smile starts to fade…

- teena has a chain necklace…

- not firstsoong watching a porn clip of them but with different hair colors?!?!?!! hold on is this meant to be them or someone else

- zouey and porsche texting… wonder if they’re both texting jason

- captain like “what if nant went missing because he had an issue with someone” and zouey being like “so what, everything was probably fine” is so fascinating like king weren’t you literally crying over him going missing cause of the people he started hanging or did you already forget just cause youre texting teena

- porsche being mad at captain for that too like what is going on???

- zoueyfirst sausage metaphor still funny

- porsche not looking surprised to see nont…. oh zouey is looking devastated tho….

- nont thinking he ate with his digs at first like bro you are only making them suspicious sjdjfjjd like leave him alone

- “you wouldn’t get it porsche you don’t have a mother” evilllllll like what is his problem. actually no cause nont neither do you now so ?!?!?!

- “you always treat me the best zouey” 👀 oh does he now

- firsts “i’ll treat you even rougher next time” then his lil “im joking mann” like that’s my baby boy

- oh first getting so sad when soong has to leave… i love when an arc gets set up in the beginning

- captains allergic to minding his buisness damn

- zoueyteena is hitting so hard for me on rewatch damn hold on why are they watching starry night on youtube?!??! hold on is teena’s hair darker here or am i losing my mind it looks more black than its usual reddish brown NOT YOUTUBE AUTOPLAY BRINGING UP THE HENTAI HELP see this is the kind of energy i need when ppl discover my niche interests… the zoueyteena scenes hit sooooo different

- the way i must’ve not payed attention before cause zouey always had a thing for teena’s nipples i just didn’t notice till the later eps

- teena clocked the trauma immediately i love him so much. teena with the looks given to the audience and villain bangs. this scene is 10/10 cinema

- what the hell just went down in the prop and cinematgagrophy department like they were having so much fun with this

- akrkkedjrj nonts vlogs like “dear diary today my friend got dicked down by the pizza delivery guy here’s what we know so far”didjdjjdjrjd

- the way aob holds his cigarette did something to me i won’t lie

- oh zouey and first in their lil blankies skejejeru FIRST LISTEN TO ZOUEY WHEN HE SAYS SOONG WITH STEAL FROM YOU!?!?!??

god this ep hits so different on rewatch i cant wait for the rest of the series

[not-ariadnesweb]

Okay, so Kris and Noelle's relationship in snowgrave is:

A very pointed reference to Chara and Asriel's deal:

2. Messing around with the idea of who is supposed to be the protagonist in the story -

because in the Normal Route, Kris plays a pretty standard protagonist, being a vessel for us to interact with the world, a vessel for us to have a heroic adventure alongside our friends. Noelle plays the role of side character here, slowly gaining courage to enjoy the surrounding world, and to maintain her own values in the face of danger.

and in the Weird Route, Kris becomes our tool to torment and manipulate Noelle to do our bidding. In the process, Noelle becomes the protagonist of her own horror novel, as her reactions and words become the main focus of the route. Noelle is also the character with the most sudden improvement in power by the end of the Weird Route, being able to freeze anything in her path.

3. able to give some pretty interesting parallels to Undertale's Chara and Frisk, another videogame duo capable of killing all (friendly) enemies they come across. Options for the parallels are:

A. We have Noelle as similar to Chara, as both are the more emotional and talkative of the duo, and undergoing the main journey of the story (changing into someone able to kill freely and easily). Both Chara and Noelle spell out their thought processes as to going along with the murder routes, and these thoughts involve dehumanizing others and prioritizing their own strength (self-gain). Also, both have notable 'Angel of Death' motifs, and are the ones to commit the final blow at the end of their murder routes.

B. We have Kris as similar to Frisk, as the silent tools we players use to commit the murder route in the first place. With similarly kind, quiet, goofy dispositions, that get overridden for us to commence the route. Not much is known about either to guess their thoughts about the story route they are own, but while neither is exactly happy to be on the murder route, we don't get a lot of push back from them.

AND

C. We have Noelle as similar to Frisk, being the practical unwilling killers of the murder route. The crime of murder is placed on their heads. As well as the benefits of murder, given the 'strength' and stats from the kills. These two also have similar relationships with the 'enemies' they encounter, which is to say, an absolute lack of relationships. While the normal storylines in both games involve giving these kids some friends, the murder routes in both involve making these kids murder any possible outside connections.

D. We have Kris as similar to Chara, being the 'commanding' shadow of a person 'giving orders to kill'. (Or in Kris's case, being attributed for a commanding presence.) Contradictory, these two are also the main driving force of the routes, while still being openly discouraging of the path taken. They both have significant relationships with the idea of power.

[jisungsplatforms]

[Chapter IV: You F*cking Minx!]

Pairing: Producer/Music Major! Han Jisung x Photographer! fem! reader

Genre: NSFW! Smut; non idol au, college au, strangers to lovers

Warnings: Mature Content! strong language, masterbation (m&f) (only implied this chapter), discussion of kinks, good old nudes & teasing Jisung ;)

Chapter Word Count: 2.8k (lol minus the emojis cause APPARENTLY, they count on docs)

Taglist: @hyunjeongins @seungstarss @es-kay-zee @hyunjinsplaything @formidxble @freckledquokka @lbxgsunshine @cartierbin @solistired @rainbowmagicpixecorn @http-hyxnjxn (want to be added? send an ask or a dm! <3)

You were starting to think that touching yourself every night was rather unhealthy...

It’s been over a week since you and Jisung met—a week since the both of you started your unspoken arrangement. Breathing heavily, you laid limply on your untidy bed, the only source of light available was the moon’s rays peeking through your curtains. The lower half of your body was completely rid of any clothing; the only thing covering your skin were splotches of your essence. Your phone then lit up with a notification from ‘Hannie Bear’.

1 new message(s) from Hannie Bear 🍯🧸

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: u okay baby? do u wanna sleep now?

Using your unsoiled hand, you grabbed your phone and typed as best as you could.

Me: Nah, I still have a little bit of energy left in me

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: really? cool lol

let’s chat for a bit

Me: Sure. Just hold on for a sec

You sat up and wiped your hand on the towel laid under you. Swinging one of your legs off the bed, you used your toes to pick up your garments from the floor, and quickly put them on. Two new notifications from Jisung appeared on your screen. You read his messages as you threw your dirted towel onto the floor.

Hannie Bear 🍯🧸: aight.

actually you know what? just call me please!

You laid back down and tapped on his icon, which now consisted of a selfie of himself from when he ‘needed to use’ your phone a few days ago, at the top of your screen to switch to the call screen. Your phone rang several times before Jisung answered. Through the phone, you could hear the faint sound of rustling and a groan.

“Hey,” he greeted with a raspy voice. You instinctively smiled when you heard him.

“Hey.”

Jisung cleared his throat before speaking. “So I was wondering, since— ah wait. Sorry, my throat’s kinda...”

“No, go ahead. I don’t mind.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “You should get some water too! You know, cause— yeah. After all that.”

You laughed, heart warming at his consideration. “Yeah. Thanks!” Bringing your phone with you, you walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water. You set the call to speaker mode before putting your phone down to drink. Hearing the hilarious way Jisung took big gulps of water almost made you choke on your water.

He let out an over-exaggerated ‘ha!’ and said with a funny voice, “Refreshing!” Hearing your snort made Jisung smile. “Okay, so now that we’re both hydrated, I’ll tell you what I’ve been thinking.” You hummed to acknowledge him. “So, you know how we’ve been doing this for almost two weeks now, right?”

“Yeah…?” You picked up your phone to go back to your room.

“Okay. Well, we never really talked about, you know, things that we like.”

“Things that we like?”

“Yeah! You know what I mean?”

‘Huh?’ You thought about it for a few seconds before realizing what he was talking about. “Ohh. Do you mean our kinks?”

“There! That.”

You scoffed playfully. “I knew this conversation was bound to happen.”

“Well, then spill, girl!” Jisung said flamboyantly. “Don’t keep me waiting!”

You giggled. “Weirdo,” you whispered, softly grunting when you plopped onto your bed. “Where do you want me to start?”

“I don’t know. I guess just tell me like, what role you like playing in bed, or if you don’t even use roles at all.”

“Well, we’ve masterbated together long enough for you to know that I don’t mind either; sex is sex and it should be enjoyable, whether or not there are sub/dom roles...but I do like being submissive.”

“Oh, right. Nice,” he snickered, “Okay, now what? Vanilla or Kinky?”

“Kinky, all that way.” Jisung wanted to laugh at how fast that answer came out. “Of course, there’s nothing wrong vanilla sex, in fact, it’s very much appreciated in this household.”

“Ahh. Someone of culture. I respect that.” The both of you chuckled. “So, what are some things you want to be done to you?”

“Like, receiving?” Jisung hummed in confirmation. “I guess I like being marked? And being praised and using pet names, but of course, who doesn’t?”

“I feel you, I feel you,” he nodded on the other side of the phone. “I like that too.”

“I also like being tied up.”

Jisung sat up, wide eyed. “Rope-bunny?!”

You guffawed, hearing him so shocked like that. “What? Surprising? Remember, no kink shaming!”

“No no! It’s not like that it’s just-” he sighed through puffed cheeks, “wow, that’s fucking hot.”

“Thanks,” you giggled. “But that’s only the beginning.”

“Shit, there’s more? Holy fuck— please tell me.”

“Overstimulation & edging, I think that’s fucking hot too.” You could hear Jisung’s breath hitch on the phone, making you smirk. “I also really like choking and being able to see myself getting fucked; I think there’s a name for it, but I forgot.”

Not hearing his reply, you snorted before continuing. “And I have the biggest breeding kink ever. You know what I say: the messier the sex, the better.” You stopped when you heard Jisung take a deep breath.

“Whoa, Y/n. I-” he signed. “Let me calm down before I pop another boner ‘cause of you.”

You felt a surge of pride run through you. “What? Too much?”

“Oh, fuck no. Just insanely hot.”

You laughed, adjusting yourself to lay on your stomach. “Too bad. There was still a lot more I wanted to say,” you grinned. “You should tell me what you like then, baby. I need to know how I could please you too.”

“Hmm,” he thought to himself for a while. “So you already know that I like filthy, kinky sex too and that I usually take up the dom role but if I have to be honest. I’ve always wanted to try subbing.”

“Really?” you smiled evilly. ‘How interesting’

“Yup. I mean, I like being babied, so I think I’d really like it.”

“Oh? Would you like to try it sometime, baby boy?”

The line went dead silent for a while, filling you with worry. All of a sudden, when you were about to ask Jisung if he was okay, he whimpered. “Please?” he muttered, and you swore you could already see him pouting. Now it was your turn to take a deep breath.

“Hold on, baby boy. We both just finished touching ourselves not too long ago. Let’s do this another time.”

“Aww...Boo. You’re no fun,” Jisung’s usual cheeky self returned.

You rolled your eyes. “Sorry, but I already came 3 times tonight. Let my vagina rest, Sung.”

“Fair,” he laughed. “Does that mean I get to sub next time?”

“Hm… If you’re nice to me, then yes.”

“Oh baby, you know i’ll be the best behavior if it means getting topped by you.”

Instead of feeling horny, you only felt playfulness behind his words. “Good. I’ll be sure to give my baby a treat tomorrow then.” Jisung cheered giddily, fueling your own amusement. “By the way, what’s with the kink talk? I mean, I knew it was gonna come eventually but still.”

You couldn’t see it, but Jisung shrugged at your question. “Well, if we’re gonna be together, then I need to know everything about you that you enjoy.” Your face dropped, your chest swelling in adoration and alarm. Not hearing a response from you made him panic. “Uh- unless you don’t wanna be a thing! That-that’s fine too...i guess, w-whatever! I just—!”

Jisung stopped when he heard you giggle. “You’re so cute, Sung.” You softly said in content. “It’s getting late, baby. I’ll see you in the morning, hm?”

“Y-yeah! See you in Jung’s class, baby!”

You ended the call then slid your phone under your pillow. Pulling your blanket all the way up to your chin, you squirmed around until you were comfortable enough to sleep. The only thing in your mind was Jisung and how much your relationship with him developed way too fast. It was a little...frightening for your fragile heart.

2nd Period; Mrs. Jung’s Renaissance Literature class. Probably the most boring class ever. Everyday, you regret ever signing up for it.

You begrudgingly walked to class, purposely taking small, slow steps so you don’t have to be there on time. However, as boring as the class is, the only reason why you find it tolerable is because it is the only class you share with Jisung. Looking up, you found yourself in front of your Literature class, much to your dismay. Grumbling, you stepped inside the room to find Jisung already at his (now) usual place at the back of the class, right beside you. ‘Weird,’ you thought, seeing how it’s usually you who comes to class before him. Jisung looked up, feeling eyes on him from the front of the class, and smiled when he saw it was just you. He gestured for you to come over to him; your heart racing as you stepped closer to him.

“Hey, baby,” he greeted happily, watching you take your seat beside him.

“Hi, Sungie,” you replied, setting your camera bag onto the floor under your legs and taking your laptop out of your bag. Feeling Jisung staring at you, you tched jokingly. “Am I that attractive that you can’t keep your eyes off of me?” you laughed. What you didn’t expect, however, was Jisung’s blunt response.

“Yes.”

“O-oh? Uh…”

“I thought I made it clear that I think you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my life,” he said truthfully, giving you a bright smile. Your eyes were wide, face heating up at his straight-forwardness. He threw you a flirty wink and chuckled, going back to sit up straight at his own seat. Flustered, you hid your face with your hoodie, tightening the drawstrings to further conceal your blush. From beside you, you could hear Jisung snort, trying not to laugh at you. Before you could scold him, the bell rang and Mrs. Jung entered the class.

Jisung’s drowsy eyes wandered the whole room for the umpteenth time. His ears only shut out the mundane information his instructor was teaching. Something about a Scottish poet named George Lauder being responsible for the advancement of the steel industry or whatever? ‘Man, what does that have to do with the renaissance era?’ It’s only been 30 minutes since the class started and he already wanted to get out of here. No matter how hard he tried focusing on the lesson, the words only went through one ear and out the other. Needless to say, it way too uninteresting for him to retain anything.

His eyes then traveled to your hunched form. He had to resist the urge to pull out his phone and take a picture of your cute face all scrunched up in concentration, your figure engulfed by the oversized purple hoodie you were wearing. In the midst of his ogling, Jisung felt a gentle kick on his right leg. His eyes focused to finally notice you side eyeing him. It was as if you were telling him ‘pay attention or else’. All he did was grin and continued gawking at you.

You rolled your eyes, deciding to not mind him and try paying attention to Mrs. Jung; even if you yourself thought the class was boring as hell. You then feel a warm hand on your left thigh. Since it was just Jisung, you shrugged his hand off of you and typed in the shared doc you both created just to talk in this class. You typed:

‘What are you doing?’

Leaning over to his own screen, Jisung read the message on his laptop then replied.

‘babe i’m sorry but i’m so fucking bored’

‘Me too, but you gotta pay attention, baby boy’

‘hmm i love it when you call me baby boy ;)’

You side-glanced him with a ‘are you serious?’ look while he merely smirked, wiggling his eyebrows as if it would seduce you.

‘Funny. Don’t you dare get horny in the middle of class, Han Jisung!’

‘:)’

Jisung made a quiet sputtering noise as he put his head down onto the table. From the corner of your eyes, you could see him fiddling his platform sneakers with his feet. You restrained yourself from laughing at him. He looked exactly like an annoyed kid on the verge of throwing a tantrum. You shook your head. ‘The poor man is really trying’

Sneakily sliding your phone into your pocket, you stood up from your seat, the chair making a slight screech, catching Jisung’s—as well several other students’— brief attention, to head to the front of the class. Signing your name into the ‘restroom log’, you briefly pointed to the door when you made eye contact with Mrs. Jung, and went to the restroom. You grinned to yourself, thinking about how Jisung would react to his little gift.

The painfully bored boy watched as you left the room. He pouted, his boredom only increased tenfold without you. He went back to his laptop, clicking on another tab to do something, when he felt his phone vibrate from his back pocket. He jolted. ‘Who the hell would text me while I’m in the middle of class?’ Jisung slowly took out his phone to check his notifications. Seeing your name on the screen, he stared in confusion.

‘Y/n? What’re you doing?’ Glancing to see if Mrs. Jung could see him, he unlocked his phone to read your message.

My baby 💘: Remember what I said last night?

Many thoughts, none of which were pg, raced through his mind. ‘What exactly are you talking about?’ He adjusted his keyboard to properly type with one hand.

Me: depends

are we talking about me subbing or your “gift”?

My baby 💘: Hmm sure. You’ll see 😉

Jisung nearly let out an audible ‘huh?’ because of your rather cryptic message. Not wanting to get caught, he hid his phone between his legs and waited for your next text. After almost a minute, this phone vibrated again. Big Mistake…

Strike 1!

‘God, Han Jisung, you fucking idiot!’ The shock unintentionally sent waves of pleasure between his legs, almost coaxing out a whimper from his mouth. He cleared throat, trying to ignore the erection that was threatening to pop up, and inconspicuously took his phone.

Strike 2!

If Jisung died at that very moment, then he wouldn’t even be mad. No regrets or anger whatsoever for his eyes was blessed with the most salacious photo of yourself. There you were, sweater pulled up to show off the lacy red bra that adorned your breasts—your arms deliberately squeezing them together to make them even more tempting than they already are—and pants pulled down enough to show a cheeky glimpse of the matching set of panties hugging your hips. Jisung swore he could feel his blood rushing to his dick and nose; he even went as far as wiping it in case he really did get a nosebleed.

‘Y/n, you minx...’’

Me: baby…

what you’re doing is very dangerous for the both of us

My baby 💘: Oh? Are you sure you didn’t forget what we talked about, baby boy

Jisung anxiously looked back and forth from his phone to his teacher. He covered his mouth when you sent another shameless nude to him. Now it was a picture of your hands cupping your breasts, your bra unclasped, threatening to slide off your shoulders. How you managed to take the photo was beyond Jisung’s comprehension. Though, now that he’s as turned on as a horny 13 year old boy on a porn site for the very first time, it’s safe to say that there was nothing on his mind except you, and you only.

He set his keyboard back to its default mode and put his head down, fingers hastily tapping on his phone to reply.

Me: come on baby

please don’t do this to me

i’m hard. i really popped a boner in the middle of class…

this is fucking embarrassing

Jisung just knew that you were laughing at him, finding great joy in his predicament. He subtly adjusted himself to do something about his hard-on. ‘So fucking embarrassing’ He blushed, biting his lip. He silently prayed to whatever deity out there that his erection was unnoticeable through his sweatpants; he was so grateful that you two sat at the back of the class. His phone buzzed again, it was another message from you.

Strike 3!

He’s out…

My baby 💘: It’s mommy for you today, baby boy 😉😉

Above was a picture of you...Bra hanging from your mouth...Your pearly teeth biting down on one of the straps...Pants off...Panties moved to the side...Showing off your dripping core to the camera...Your fingers threatening to slide inside your core…

Somebody please help this poor man. He might get a heart attack because of you. And if he doesn’t die from that, then it might be because of the rage of sexual frustration he felt when you came back with a seemingly innocent smile on your face. Jisung was just lucky nobody noticed his hard cock throbbing the rest of the session. More importantly, thank god Mrs. Jung is an oblivious old woman.

‘Y/n L/n, you FUCKING MINX!’

[PREVIOUS CHAPTER] 📱 [NEXT CHAPTER]

[ish-scribbles]

"They’re prolly going to end up marrying each other"

You and Ushiwaka have been friends ever since you were kids and you both are volleyball players as well. This year, you are a new admission in Shiratorizawa so,,,Ushijima shows you around. Much to the team’s suprise you both seem much more than friends but it's a pity that the only people oblivious to that fact is you two.

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Soft Ushiwaka, lolol

"A Girl? You can't be serious!" The whole volleyball team of Shiratorizawa couldn't believe what they just heard.

"Guys, I'm not kidding. A REAL GIRL, REAL CUTE, WAS WALKING AROUND THE CAMPUS WITH USHIJIMA-SAN AND THAT'S NOT ALL. When I was in the cafeteria I SAW HER LEANING ON USHIJIMA' S SHOULDER, AND SHE SEEMED ASLEEP(?) WHILE HE CONTINUED EATING HIS FOOD LIKE IT WAS NOTHING" continues the still shocked Goshiki ''Decent in studies, one of the top volleyball aces in the nation and now a girlfriend, is there anything he can't do?!!'' He mumbles to himself.

When Goshiki told the whole team that Ushijima was roaming around the campus with a girl, it was only natural for the team to be in utter shock, considering the type of reserved guy Ushijima usually is. Even Tendou was unaware about your existence, but the way Goshiki was describing you both made it seem that you both relatively affectionate.

The sound of the gym door opening silenced the current discussion and that's when the whole team Ushijima entering with a girl on his side through the gym doors together.

"Wakatoshi, When you told me it'll only be a small walk around campus, YOU SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ME THE WHOLE TOUR OF YOUR GINORMOUS SCHOOL WHICH I CAN ONLY PRESUME WOULD COVER AN ENTIRE DISTRICT" You complained while facing him and walking backwards on your toes trying to put on the most intimidating face you could to show how seriously frusfrated you were.

"I once again apologize, Y/N, I should've asked you to skip your before-school training for the day. I will surely make up for it later, perhaps...a little detour to the ice-cream shop after school might help?" He offered

"It might" you pouted.

The whole team was stunned watching this scene play in front of their own very eyes. The stoic captain of Shiratorizawa, One of the top 3 aces of the country, was being told off by a girl half a foot smaller than him AND HE WAS ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING? Also not to forget...both of you were also on first name basis? Nothing made sense anymore. After a small pause Tendou was the first to break the silence.

"Oya oya, now lookie at what do we have here? Wakatoshi-kun~ You know it would be real rude of you to not introduce your friend to us, right?"

"Oh but of course, I would like all of you to meet L/N Y/N, she is actually going to join our school through sports scholarship for volleyball itself. She is also my neighbour from back home and the closest thing to a best friend I had, ever since when I was a child" Ushijima replies to which Tendou reacts with an "ouch" and an over exaggerated act of heartbreak with his hand on his chest at the fact that Ushiwaka never openly admited Tendou to be his best friend like this.

To which you laugh "You must be Tendou, right? ‘The Miracle Boy!’ if i remeber correctly" YOU smile "Wakatoshi actually talks a lot about his team and especially you! So don't worry, if we’re talking about how close we are to the spiker boy over here, we're probably at the same level, he just won’t admit it" to which Tendou replies "You know what, I think I kinda ike you, new girl. You’re gonna fit in just fine" to which you flash a cheeky smile and a thumb up what a dork.

Your conversation was cut short when Coach Washijo enters the gym and everyone in the team as well as you gave a respectable bow and an energetic ‘Good Afternoon’ and after acknowledging the greetings the old coach finally notices you.

‘‘Ah yes, you must be Y/N-chan. I've heard great things about you from Wakatoshi-kun, I'm glad that you joined the academy. I look forward to see your performance in the Girl's Team.‘‘

"I am very grateful for the opportunity, Coach" You say while giving a sincere bow.

"Although...the girls team are out for a practice match against Aoba Johsai's Girls Team, so you can practice with the boys today." Then he looks away to face the team "I have to attend a staff meeting today so the team managers will conduct today's practice and write a thorough report. So whomever is found slack off during the practice will recieve extra laps and 200 jump serves as penalty tomorrow morning. As for the match Y/N-chan and Wakatoshi-kun you both can divide the teams as per convenience, that is all for today".

They team was surprised to say the least. Coach never let anyone play against Ushiwaka unless he knew the other person could atleast withstand the power of Ushiwaka's Spike so it wouldn't cause any unintentional injury and from the looks of it you didn't seem to be very immune to that fact since you weren't exactly very muscular or buff. You were even somewhat tiny when compared to the rest of the team and yet Coach Washijo was confident enough to put you against Ushiwaka himself.

You got paired up with Tendou, Semi, Taichi, Goshiki and a few others when you divided teams amongst the players present.

"So Y/N-chan~ What position do you play exactly?" Tendou asked.

"Oh I didn’t tell you guys yet? I’m a Wing Spiker" You reply.

"Oh Really?! Little miss Y/N here spikes?" Tendou teases while making all sorts of gestures indicating how small compared to him you were.

"Cut it out, you idiot" Semi interjected with a slight smack to his head.

"If Ushijima-san has a good opinion about Y/N-san's ability, I wouldn’t doubt her considering how rarely he acknowledges another player’s skills" says Goshiki while internally thinking why can’t he ever get Ushiwaka's approval too.

"Wanna bet who scores the most points, Guess Monster?" You challenge Tendou with an smirk on your face.

"Oh my! Little miss Y/N is so daring~You got yourself a deal!" Tendou said excitedly.

The refree’s whistle blew and the match began. Ushiwaka’s team started with a serve which was recieved by your team and the ball was in the air. Semi recieved the ball and tossed it in the air as a set, but that set turned out to be sloppy because when he and the team were supposed to do warm ups and stretching, they were instead busy talking about you and Ushiwaka. The ball was set a little too high and far away for Tendou to hit and Goshiki was positioned in the back, so everyone expected it to be a lost cause and didn’t run after it, the other team relaxed as well. But then an unexpected tiny figure rushed between Semi and Tendou and jumped almost more than half their height and spiked the ball hard into Ushiwaka’s court, while everyone was still processing what just happened in what just felt like a split second. The refree’s whistle rang, evident of the point you just scored.

" Getting sloppy are we now, Miracle Boy?" You teased to which Tendou replied with his sticking his tongue out ‘’I’m just getting started, don’t get cocky’’ and when no one was noticing a small smile crept up on Ushiwaka’s face while the rest of them were plain frozen in their places still processing how were you able to perfect a shot with a set like that. The set was obviously bad and the chances of hitting it was very low but somehow you managed to fix your placement, jump about 3 feet high and spike the ball with crazy accuracy and with power what can only be assumed second to Ushiwaka himself!! All in just a split second.

During the match, you hit a lot of spikes and so did Tendou but the gap between the number of his spikes and yours just kept getting wider while the score of your team and Ushiwaka’s team was almost tied most of the time, no one had the clear lead the whole match, and no one was ready to back down from the other.

At set point, when you were positioned in the back it was your time to serve and you managed to serve a decent ball which almost scored another point if it wasn’t for their libero’s last minute recieve. The libero passed the ball to their setter, Shirabu who set the ball for Ushiwaka who then spiked the ball aimed at the corner of your court but before the ball hit the ground you whooshed in the last minute and managed to recieve the ball perfectly and then Semi and Tendou were able to score the last point which made your team win the practice match. When the refree whistle indicating your win, all your team mates started walking towards the benches, the managers started passing towels and water bottles but you on the other hand, started to walk towards Ushijima furiously.

‘‘That last shot. You intentionally hit the last spike slow and nearer to me so I can recieve it easily, didn’t you?!‘‘ You spat while slightly panting

‘‘You caught up on that?‘‘ Ushijima said while looking slightly sideways in order to avoid eye contact.

‘‘Why would you do that anyways, you don’t think I’m capable enough to take you head-on big guy?‘‘ You were furious. You might not be as tall and as poised as Ushijima but you weren’t bad either, you practiced a lot to perfect your techniques and when Ushijima deliberately was lazying his game, ofcourse that would make you mad.

Watching this a million thoughts came to the team’s head

Goshiki: This was a SLOWED shot?And that was an EASY recieve? Can they just adopt me already-

Semi: How did she recieve that ball that easily and wait- how would she know, if this was slowed and not a regular shot, how close are they exactly?

Shirabu: Even a spike like that has like a 95% success rate and she’s still not happy?She’s crazy,,,but in a good way I suppose?

Tendou: It’s like watching a little puppy trying to intimidate a Wolf and I bet she doesn’t even realizes it, how cute~

‘‘There’s no point of playing if you keep giving me half-assed shots like that, If you don’t want to practice with me anymore, just say it and I’ll go‘‘

‘‘No no Y/N, you’re getting me all wrong, please give me a chance to explain” Ushijima had genuine worry in his eyes when he said this he had a slight change of pitch in his voice ‘‘It’s true I intentionally slowed down the last spike but that wasn’t because I doubt you, It was because I know you like to give it your all, even in a practice games but the game wasn’t fair in the first place. You had gone through your morning training, then you had to attend school and then a whole tour of the campus, So it was obvious that you were already tired even if you weren’t showing it, I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice it when you runs were slower, spikes were less accurate than usual and I just couldn’t bear to see it anymore so I thought that it would help to finish the game early‘‘

It was true, you were already exhausted after all you went through during the day but it never showed on your face and the team didn’t realised it either, Still a phrase resounded in their heads ‘runs were slower and the spikes were less accurate than usual’ What kind of a monster was hidden inside your tiny frame?!

‘‘Listen Wakatoshi, I appreciate your concern but I don’t liked to be babied around like that, You can be upfront about it and I would’ve been mature about it‘‘ you said.

‘‘Then it’s my mistake I assumed you would just chase after me trying to beat me up‘‘ Ushiwaka replied genuinly thinking he was wrong.

‘‘DAMN RIGHT I WOULD HAVE, NEVER DOUBT ME EVER AGAIN OR IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU DO USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI‘‘ You screamed out to which Ushijima replied with an instant ‘’Yes ma’am‘’

‘‘Now that we have sorted that out, after a change of clothes let’s go out and eat some Hayashi Rice‘‘ You spoke to which Ushiwaka replied ‘’Certainly’’.

After the practice you changed into a normal t-shirt and shorts and after reaching the bench just outside the gym you realised that you changed faster than Ushijima, so you decided to sit and wait for him. While you were waiting you felt your calf muscles aching after the whole day of running and jumping,,,and since you already had the disadvantage of being smaller than the rest of the guys you were playing with, you had to run and jump extra.

Ushijima and the rest of the team came out after changing and were walking in your direction at a distance, and while the rest of the team were talking amongst themselves he from afar saw you slightly massaging your sore calfs, he already knew that you today would’ve been a toll on you body.

‘‘Ready to go?‘‘ You ask when Ushijima finally reached you, to which he gave a nod and then he picked up your bag and hung it over his chest to which you said

‘‘Wait what are you doin-’’

‘‘I noticed you still seem to be tired and I still feel guilty about the tour, so it’s the least I can do’’

"Is that so?" You said with a childish look and a cheeky smile on your face ‘"Then you can’t expect me to walk all the way over till we reach the restaurant' you gave him your puppy eyes look and without another word he got on one knee while you walked and stood over him with a stupid "yay" and then wrapped your arms around his neck while nuzzling your face into his broad shoulders with a stupid smile while he got a hold of your legs and finally stood up.

The whole team were frozen at their spots internally cursing both of you on either how single you both made them feel or how oblivious can you be. He then looked towards Tendou and spoke "Tendou, I’ll be a little late than usual, so you can lock the dorm room door if you decide to sleep early, I have my spare key along with me" to which Tendou just said "Oh okay" strangely being less talkative than usual.

After that Ushiwaka just started walking towards the restaurant with you Piggybacking on him like it was nothing while the discussion amongst the team about you two continued.

"They DO realise that THAT is not how people who are 'just friends' act, right?" Goshiki says still shocked.

‘‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that‘‘ Shirabu replied.

‘‘It’s so scary how oblivios Ushijima usually is but in matters like this he couldn’t get any dumber‘‘ Semi continues.

‘‘Who wants to bet against me that they won’t end up together?‘‘ Tendou speaks up with one of his arm in the air and one eye closed while the other looked around to see the people around him.

"Are you kidding, who’s stupid enough to take you up on that bet" Semi replies "Weren’t you here the whole practice? They’re prolly going to end up marrying each other’’.

[cheeriecherry]

hi!! how are you? can you write for baku, deku, & todo where they meet their s/o family for the first time & they’re super scary? they’re all super tall, buff, full of tattoos, loud, aggressive, mean & the fam is super overprotective over s/o & the 3 are just freaking out bc s/o is the opposite? s/o is super sweet, calm, bubbly & short so the last thing they were expecting was this & they’re just freaking out & trying to get on their s/o’s family good side? sorry if that sounds complicated 😭

The more specific the ask, the better! I’ll see what my brain can come up with, I’ve just had couch medicine so

Requests are temporarily closed so I can catch up on them!

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

-Loud boi isn’t gonna let anyone know that he’s intimidated.

-He’s already a little nervous to meet your family for the first time, though he’d never admit it. You were so hesitant to ask him to come over, and at first he thought it was because he was the loud and aggressive one.

-But that Saturday afternoon when he walks up to your house and your dad answers the door, he’s like ‘oh’ and it all clicks into place.

-He loves you a lot, so he wants to make a good impression, but he also never backs down from a challenge. So he and your dad have a stare down in the doorway, until you stroll around the corner and see them.

-You scold your dad and tell him to stop being rude to your boyfriend. Your dad doesn’t say anything, but he sighs and lets Bakugou in.

-The fun doesn’t stop there, though. You tug Bakugou around the house from room to room introducing him to your family, and every single one of them gives him the same cold, mildly threatening stare.

-Ngl your uncle who lives in the basement apartment kinda scares him, but he doesn’t say anything and tries to play it cool. The guy is built like a brick house and covered head to toe in intricate tattoos.

-He doesn’t mention it, but you can tell that your boyfriend is wondering about potential ties you have to the mafia, with a guy like that living in your house. But you assure him it’s just your uncle’s quirk that gives him the art on his skin, and that he’s actually pretty shy about it and doesn’t like going out.

-The last person he meets is your mom. With everyone being so much taller and physically stronger than you, he assumes that your mom is gonna be the person you got your tiny genes from.

-Lol no

-She’s at least six feet tall, and without a doubt the most intimidating person in the house. She’s got the face of an angel and the grace of a butterfly, but behind her smile Bakugou can see the willingness to kill anyone who hurts her baby (you).

-Lunch with the fam is a little awkward at first, until your younger cousin goads Bakugou into a spice eating contest. Then the shouting at the table begins, everyone placing their bets on who they think will win. You’re the only one who bets on your boyfriend, and you get like a hundred collective bucks out of your family members when he wins.

-He’s earned the respect of your cousin, who’s like eight maybe and now deems Bakugou a respectable opponent. Bakugou is torn between yelling and patting the kid on the head, so he probably does both and shouts at the kid to keep practicing so they can try and beat him one day.

-At the end of the visit, your boyfriend is surprisingly calm. You’re walking him home, arm in arm, not really saying much. Though you do tell him that he’s taking your living situation pretty well.

-He’s like wdym? And you explain to him that most of your friends and potential partners are scared of your family and refuse to come over because of them.

-Bakugou just scoffs and is like ‘of course they are, because they’re chicken shits. As if I’d be scared of a bunch of-’ and he pauses because you start laughing, not at him, just about the situation.

-Your family actually really likes him and find him a suitable boyfriend for you. They know you’re strong, but they want someone who can protect you and who’s loyal to you, and they see that in Bakugou. They probably invite him to the next family gathering.

MIDORIYA IZUKU

-A nervous boi

-He wants so badly to make a good impression on your family, to get their approval of your relationship. He knows you’re close with them, so he doesn’t want their potential opinions of him to sway your desire to be with him.

-He dresses casually but tidy, and while he waits at the door he fiddles with his shirt a bit.

-Almost has a heart attack when your sister opens the door and glares down at him with the rage of 1000 suns.

-He does his best to introduce himself formally and be polite, but your sister is making it awfully hard for him to stay focused. She doesn’t say anything to him, so he just continues chattering until he’s off on a tangent and saying way too much.

-And you’re like ‘I feel my boyfriend danger senses tingling’ so you go downstairs and lo and behold. 

-Ofc he’s not in any actual danger, just the danger of making a fool of himself. You set a hand on your sister’s arm, and the moment you do it’s like all the anger in her body dissipates and she turns into a sweet, smiling bean. Then she skips away to go do her homework.

-You pull Midoriya inside and give him a once-over anyways, just to make sure your sister didn’t burn holes in him with her glares. But he assures you he’s alright, and he’s a lot more relaxed now that you’re around.

-Probably says something like ‘I can see why you were so nervous about bringing me to your house, your older sister seems really protective of you’

-and you’re like ‘um,,,,actually she’s my younger sister’ and he’s like ‘wot’ and you’re like ‘also she’s the least scary of everyone’ and he’s like ‘wOT’

-You waste no time parading him from room to room to show him off, all while his soul slowly escapes his body.

-Your parents actually scare him the least, like, of course they’re protective of you, but they have the common courtesy not to exaggerate their scary qualities. They still tower over both you and Midoriya, but they’re mostly civil in terms of interactions.

-Your older brothers scare him a little bit more. They share the basement suite, so you drag your boyfriend downstairs to introduce them all to each other...and interrupt their poker game with their friends.

-All of them have some kind of tattoo visible, nothing Midoriya recognizes as any gang symbol, but he’s still wary. However, he manages to say hello and all the pleasantries, and actually gets a smile out of one of your brothers, who tries to rope him into a game of cards.

-Thankfully you save him with the excuse that you still have more family to show him off to, but he’s left with the promise of ‘later, then’.

-Lastly is your sister, who he’s technically already met. She’s arguably the scariest of everyone. She’s easily almost six feet tall and looks like she could bench press the two of you with ease. You promise him that she’s a literal sweet pea, but when the two of you walk up to her room, Midoriya isn’t so sure.

-She glares at him hard, like she’s judging him about everything and if he doesn’t pass she’ll snap him in half. He has to swallow the lump in his throat, and quickly looks around the room for some kind of thing to ask about that might get her to open up.

-And he sees it. One of the rarer All Might figures from an old merch line, one that he also has, so he’s like ‘do you like All Might’ and it’s like a switch is flipped.

-You breathe a sigh of relief as the two of them start nerding out about their favourite hero, sprouting facts and recalling films and old news videos. When he mentions that All Might teaches at his school, your sister honest to god squeals, and starts asking all kinds of questions about what kind of teacher he is, what he’s learned, what it’s like to be a protogee of such a great hero. He answers everything with glee, all his former fears forgotten.

-When it comes time for dinner, your sister insists that your boyfriend sit next to her, which is apparently a very high honor because one of your brothers sulks off to the other end of the table. (You assure your brother later that it’s just temporary and that your sister just really likes your boyfriend).

-But seeing the two of them interact warms your heart, it’s usually hard for your sister to make friends because she’s so intimidating, so you’re glad they’re getting along. And so does the rest of your family! They see Midoriya’s kindness and hardworking attitude, and they warm up to him pretty quickly.

-It ends up being a really enjoyable night, despite the rocky start. Though sadly yes your boyfriend does eventually get roped into a game of poker, and yes your brother’s cheat, but you cheat too, and you’re all betting in chocolate coins. You share your hoard with him.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

-He goes into it being not nervous, and ends up being Quite nervous once he meets your family.

-When he arrives, you’re thankfully the one to answer the door, so he doesn’t get hassled, so everything seems pretty normal right off the bat. Until your cousin walks through the room and is like ‘???? who’s this pipsqueak???’ and Todoroki is torn between being his usual snarky self and being polite.

-He wats to throw shade right back, but for your sake he wants to make a good impression. You’re used to his manners (or lack thereof) but he doesn’t want your family to think he’s not worthy of you. He really loves you a lot and wants to stay with you.

-So he goes for a formal introduction, even going in for a handshake. It’s kind of funny, because your cousin is like ‘lol what are manners’ but your glare forces him to return the gesture. His hand completely dwarfs your boyfriend’s, and you have to hide a snicker.

-And then the guy awkwardly wanders out of the room.

-You and Todoroki kind of just stand there for a second, and then he’s like ‘is this what you meant when you said your family was intimidating’ and you’re like ‘:3′

-You give him a tour of the house, a nice modest place with traditional aspects. It’s nowhere near as big as his, but he like it that way, it makes the place more homey and warm.

-You introduce him to family members as you come across them; your younger twin nuisances cousins, who are more mischievous than dangerous, your aunt and her wife, who look like they could get away with murder, your brother and his friends, who mostly only glare at Todoroki to try and make him uncomfortable.

-Thankfully he’s used to the stoic and slightly scary expressions, thanks to his dad. He wonders momentarily if you’re safe here, but then he realizes that everyone in the house is especially kind to you, and very affectionate when they think he’s not looking. He doesn’t even bother asking the question.

-Lastly are your parents, who are in the kitchen preparing dinner. They’re a little perturbed that you’re both in the kitchen when they’re working, but they seem to be less purposefully intimidating than everyone else. They’re still a little scary though.

-Then he notices that your parents are making soba. From scratch. Which is particularly difficult to master, so he figures they must be pretty well practiced if they’re so good at it.

-Without thinking, he asks if they’ve made soba before, and soon your parents are sprouting off about their culinary careers and the restaurant they run. You were supposed to take over one day, but you ultimately chose a different path in life, even after they taught you so much.

-Todoroki didn’t even realize you could cook, but now he wants more than anything to try your meals someday, or learn a few things from you and make dinners together.

-It startles him a little that he’s thinking so far ahead in your lives, but honestly if you’ve managed to get him as a boyfriend then you’re likely to have him for your whole life, if you want him.

-He talks a little more with your parents about the food, expressing in his way that he’s looking forward to a dinner that’s had so much hard work go into it. And you can see the little light go on in your parents’ heads, the light that signals they approve of your choice in boyfriend and have started making room in their hearts for him.

-Dinner is nice, pretty peaceful aside from your twin cousins causing their usual trouble, but he’s nonplussed by it. he still wonders how you managed to come out so small in comparison to everyone else, but it doesn’t bother him too much. He can see that you’re loved and well cared for, and a little piece of him hopes that one day he’ll be able to get to know your family even better.

[theyarebothgunshot]

I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it. 

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent. 

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s]. 

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it. 

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha. 

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao. 

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier. 

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting. 

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship. 

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him. 

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao. 

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc. 

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej. 

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you? 

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving. 

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel. 

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him. 

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still. 

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay. 

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up. 

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’. 

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay. 

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable. 

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)