#in every other universe castiel did what he was told except for the one we saw

[thezephyrus7]

Destiel sketch cause I needed it after watching the new The Boys season :)

[tootiredmotel]

Electricity

Inspired by @ledzeppelinmixtape 's emoji prompt: ⛈

Read on ao3 or below / 2.3k words

It's 11pm and storming biblically when Dean and Cas's apartment goes dark.

"Great," Dean mutters under his breath. "Fan-freaking-tastic."

From somewhere else in the apartment, his roommate asks "did the power go out?"

"What do you think, sunshine?" Dean replies sarcastically.

He has a half-written essay in front of him, but he knows his old-ass computer won't last long unplugged, so he saves the document before shutting it off. He leans back in his chair, stretching for the first time in an hour and running a hand down his face. He actually needed a break from the screen, he realizes, feeling his eyes relax as he rubs them.

The steady rain and strong winds outside make an overwhelming white noise track, interrupted only by thunder that goes from faint and distant to deafening in volume. If Dean wasn't stressed out of his mind and completely exhausted right now, he might actually find this kind of nice.

"It's raining cats and mice out there," he hears Cas say, his voice now in the room.

Dean smiles, still rubbing his eyes with the backs of both his hands. "Cats and dogs, Cas."

"Right. Cats and dogs."

It’s really no use correcting him; the entire animal kingdom could be falling from the sky right now and there wouldn't be much of a difference. The winds are definitely knocking things over, and the streets will certainly be flooded come morning. Dean wonders for how long the university will cancel classes after this (if at all, the heartless bloodsuckers).

A particularly loud clap of thunder startles Dean. He drops his hands from his face and opens his eyes, expecting to see pitch black nothingness, but the room is faintly lit by the flashlight Cas is holding as he rummages through their kitchen drawers. He approaches a minute later and sets a candle down on the small table.

"Smart."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas says, sitting down opposite him. Dean smiles again, this time shaking his head.

If anyone ever asked him to mention one thing he likes about Cas, just one, he'd probably say how genuine Cas is, how he takes everything to heart and speaks from it as well. Dean said just one word, smart, a simple comment on the fact that it occurred to Cas to light a candle instead of wasting the battery of their one flashlight, and Cas genuinely thanked him for the compliment. He's just ridiculously cute in his earnestness.

Cas is trying to light the candle now, but their lighter is tricky. Despite living together in that apartment for a year and a half now Cas has never really gotten the hang of it.

"Here, let me."

Dean means to take the lighter from Cas and do it himself, he really does. That is 100% his intention as he reaches across the table. Except he sees an opportunity, and Dean Michael Winchester is nothing if not smooth.

He wraps his hand around Cas's, gently guiding his fingers until they’re placed just right, and the lighter clicks on with ease. Cas meets his eyes, smiling, and Dean can feel the slightest brush of Cas’s thumb against his hand. It’s a small gesture, but clearly deliberate, and it sends Dean’s heart into overdrive. Cas leans away, puts the lighter aside, and starts leafing through a book he brought. Dean’s heart is still racing as he watches him.

Scratch that first thing. If anyone ever asked him what’s one thing he likes about Cas? His hands. God. Neat nails, slightly calloused palms, and overall larger hands than you’d expect. Cas is an environmental science major and he wants to get a Ph.D. in botany, so of course, there’s a small garden on their fire escape. He tends to those plants every day with more gentleness and care than Dean has ever seen, and Dean loves to watch him, even though he has no idea what Cas is doing with them half the time. He just knows that not a single one of their plants have died under Cas’s care. He names them too.

His attentiveness. That’s another thing Dean might say if anyone ever asked. Cas left to visit his sister Anna last winter break. He left Dean in charge of the plants, three of which died inside the week. (For Dean’s birthday a couple of months later, Cas got him a book. How Not to Kill Your Houseplant. Dean keeps it on his nightstand.) Dean went out and bought new ones, but he knew Cas would notice the difference, and he did. He wasn’t mad at Dean though, and he appreciated the effort, and as Dean apologized profusely over and over again, Cas looked at him in the eyes oh-so-softly and told him he was forgiven.

How could Dean possibly forget? If anyone ever asked, he’d say that Cas’s eyes are one of his favorite things about him. One of his favorite things, period. Dean is absolutely mesmerized whenever Cas looks him in the eye, and the guy loves making eye contact, which means that Dean lives in a perpetual smitten daze. He has never seen that shade of blue anywhere else on this earth. Or maybe he just hasn’t been looking, content to get his fill of that blue by staring into Cas’s eyes as much as he gets to on a daily basis.

“Are you alright, Dean?”

Dean blinks himself back to reality. “Hm?”

“You seem… spaced.”

Dean is staring. He’s been staring this whole time. Shit. Crap.

“Yeah, um. Just tired.”

Mr. Smooth, everybody.

“Maybe you should go get some rest. I doubt the power will be back anytime soon.”

Castiel Milton, always looking out for you. It makes Dean melt.

“Yeah, maybe.” I wanna stay here with you, though, he thinks. Instead, because he’s pathetic, he asks “what’re you reading?”

Cas shows him the cover. How Not to Kill Your Houseplant. Dean breaks out in laughter.

“So you’re going into my room and stealing my shit now?”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t touch your Vonneguts.” Cas puts the book aside, an easy smile on his face. “Just wanted something light to pass the time.”

“You done with your homework?”

A soft yawn escapes Cas. “For now.”

“Dude, why not just go to sleep? You look exhausted.”

“Look who’s talking.”

Dean tries to deadpan him. He fails, because around Cas, it’s near impossible for him to not smile.

“Besides, I might be done but you weren’t.”

“And you wanted to keep me company.”

Cas shrugs as if to say I guess, but he does it with a knowing smile. The smile doesn’t falter as he meets Dean’s eyes, and he doesn’t look away when silence settles between them, the only sound being the stormy white noise.

Dean is sure he could drown in that blue and die happy.

Before that train of thought gets away from him again, Dean tears his gaze away and stretches. “We should really go to bed though, I’m not getting any more done tonight,” he says as he stands.

“Of course,” Cas says, but he grabs the book again.

“You not going?”

“I want to finish this chapter.”

The seriousness in his tone makes Dean smile. Again.

“Well, g’night, Cas.”

“Good night, Dean.”

Dean thinks he detects a bit of shakiness in Cas’s voice but decides that he’s probably just tired.

He gets to his room and changes into something comfortable, the first t-shirt and sweatpants he finds as he rummages in the dark. He goes to set his phone on his nightstand and crawl into bed, but in place of the book he keeps there and puts his phone on top of– the book Cas has at the moment– he finds something else.

It’s paper. It’s folded into the form of a book, like one of those youtube craft tutorials with bad music, and it's no bigger than his own palm. The cover is handwritten, and Dean immediately recognizes it as Cas's. He smiles, expecting a prank or joke of some sort, Cas knows how stressed Dean can get with the start of the semester. However, his smile falters as he reads the cover:

How to tell your best friend you’re in love with him.

With a shaky hand, Dean opens the small book. The first page is the only one with any more writing on it, and it reads:

You leave him a note and hope it’s enough.

Dean is storming out of his bedroom (no pun intended) before he knows it. He barely even feels his feet moving, too focused on the pounding in his ears and the dryness in his mouth. He doesn’t go into the living room, not yet; his feet stop at the end of the short hallway and he braces himself against the wall. The room is spinning and he can barely breathe.

“Cas?” He chokes out.

Cas puts the book back down on the table in front of him and interlocks his fingers in front of him. He doesn’t look at Dean– Cas, who makes too much eye contact – and takes a deep breath before saying “yes?”

He’s nervous.

Dean takes a step forward, still keeping one hand on the wall just in case, and holds up the note. “What is this?” he asks, because his brain is just not there with him yet.

Cas stands, still not facing Dean. “Dean, do you know what day it is?”

He’s asking this now???

“September firs–”

Oh. Oh shit.

“Cas isn’t today the–”

“The night we met. Two years ago.”

Dean feels his brain catching up now as the memory starts coming back to him. Cas helps, starting to recount that night.

“Two years ago tonight, I was leaving my night course at the university, and it was raining. Not as bad as this,” –Cas looks out the window and lightning strikes, as if on cue– “but pretty badly, and I was an inexperienced freshman without an umbrella.”

Dean remembers. He was walking Charlie to her dorm when it started drizzling, and it was pouring by the time he made it back to his car. Dean had a night shift at the gas station and was about to head there.

“Two years ago tonight,” Cas continues, “you invited me into your car to shelter me from the rain.”

Dean saw this guy running in the direction of the men’s dorms, which were on the other side of campus. He felt bad, and he had a car, so he opened the passenger door and let him in.

Turned out to be the most gorgeous guy he’d ever laid eyes on. He was a bit awkward, but he had no filter, which made him weirdly funny. He asked about the music playing in the car and listened intently to Dean's rambling. He laughed at his jokes too.

At the end of the five-minute drive, he said his name was Castiel, and Dean asked for his number and saved it as Cas with a thunderstorm emoji. Because even if he didn’t know it yet, Dean was already whipped.

“Two years ago,” Cas says, finally looking up at Dean. His eyes are wide and vulnerable and he looks terrified and Dean can barely stand it. “Two years ago tonight, I started to fall in love with you.”

Dean can’t breathe. His ears are hot and he can’t stop fidgeting with the note in his hand and he can’t breathe.

But his feet start moving again, out of their own volition. They move toward Cas.

“If you don’t feel–” Cas starts, but Dean swallows his words.

Again, Dean’s brain isn’t all there yet, and he doesn’t realize what he’s doing until he’s already in it. He’s grabbing Cas’s face, digging his fingertips into the back of his hair, and the note is forgotten on the table, and thunder rumbles not that far away. He’s darting out his tongue, begging to explore Cas’s mouth as he’s wanted to do since forever, and Cas lets him. He tastes like toothpaste and coffee and honey and Dean never wants to taste anyone else ever again.

Cas is wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist and pressing his entire body against him. It’s making Dean weak in the knees but it’s okay because Cas is almost holding him upright at this point. There’s another clap of thunder, much closer this time, and the lightning probably illuminated the apartment, but it wasn’t enough to make them part. They’re moving and grasping and exploring frantically, and Dean is afraid Cas is going to disappear, or that he’s going to wake up and this will all have been another dream. But no, it’s real, and they’re playing catchup on two years worth of desire and longing and love.

They eventually pull away, breathless and giddy. The only sounds are the rain and the wind. Dean opens his eyes first, needing to see Cas and make sure this is completely, definitely, unequivocally real. Cas is smiling and taking deep breaths, and a weight seems to be lifted off his shoulders. He opens his eyes a second later, and even in the darkness, even with just the faint candlelight, the blue in them seems to shine. And even though there's no power, it feels as if there's electricity crackling in the air around them. It might be the storm.

No. It's the moment. This moment with Cas is what feels electric.

“Come to bed?” Dean asks, feeling brave and going out on a limb. The only way Cas responds is by interlocking his hand into Dean’s and kissing him again.

And after tonight, for the rest of his life, if anyone ever asks him “what’s one thing you love about Cas?” Dean won’t be able to narrow down an answer.

He’ll just say: “Everything.”

[castielle-deanna]

Destiel fanfic masterlist

My Destiel fanfics in decreasing word count order:

Hold me tight or don't (Explicit, words: 37,677)

Tags: Canon Compliant up to 15x13 // First Kiss // Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker // Conversations in the Impala // falling!Castiel // New Relationship // First Time // Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love //Art Embedded //soundtrack

Summary: With Jack’s soul now back, the four inhabitants of the Bunker are working on establishing a new routine. Between hunts, God’s wrath hanging over their heads and Castiel’s dwindling grace, the angel is not particularly eager to mention his deal to the Winchesters. With everything that’s going on, allowing himself to be happy sounds impossible anyway, right? Wrong…

With art by the fantastic @lizleeships

“Why now?” The angel asked quietly, taking a small step back.

Dean's fingers tightened on the tie he'd been holding onto as if it was a lifeline. “You said we were real. I want to believe it.”

“Even if it ends in pain?”

“Cas, everything I do ends there, eventually. There is always a bigger, heavier, smellier shoe waiting to drop. Holding back in fear of it doesn't make it any smaller, lighter or... or... “

“Less odoriferous?” Cas offered.

“Is that even a real word?”

“It is, indeed.”

“Sometimes you sound like you eat dictionaries and Victorian novels for breakfast,” Dean shook his head, grinning.

My unintended (Explicit, words:10,202)

Tags: Angst with a Happy Ending // Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On // FUCK CANON! // Saving Dean Winchester - Retconning the finale - The fangirl business // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Time Having Sex // Slow and Romantic Sex // Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester

Summary: At first, Castiel is ready to honour his part of the deal with the Empty, but then Jack shows up with distressing news...

With art by the fantastic @jeanne-de-valois

Cas heaves Dean into a bridal carry, struggling under his weight, but still he shifts slightly when Sam moves closer to help. He knows he needs to stop keeping Sam away, because it’s not fair, and it’s not what Dean wants anyway, but Sam accepts it and simply hangs back with a nod before he speaks again.

“I also know it’s not my business, but… do you think you could talk to Dean once he’s up for it? I’m not blind, or stupid. You two have to stop only holding each other like that when one of you is hurt or dead.”

Love me right (Explicit, words: 2,436)

Tags: Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Porn with Feelings // Dean Winchester Wears Panties // Light Bondage // Panty Kink // Wing Kink // Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester // Light Dom/sub // Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester // Light BDSM // Dean and Castiel watch porn then recreate it

Summary: Dean asks to be tied up - who's Cas to say no to that? Written for a prompt by @winchester-reload on Patreon: "Thee Pink Panties"

“I want you to tie me up,” Dean blurts out one morning, closer to being asleep than awake still. He has no idea if Cas is even in the bedroom with him - for once, the angel is not curled around Dean with his whole body, their limbs entwined to the point where they can’t tell where one of them ends and the other begins, cliché as it is.

There’s no reply, so Dean lifts his head and blinks the grogginess away to look around. Cas is in the room, sitting cross-legged on the green couch by the wall with an open book in his lap but he’s staring at Dean with eyes so comically wide Dean would think it humanly impossible if he wasn’t seeing it with his own eyes.

“For fun,” Dean adds in hopes that Cas catches his meaning. The angel looks slightly less taken aback at that, but he still appears confused and tilts his head as if a slightly different angle would help with unraveling the mystery of Dean's words. “During sex, Cas.”

Rewind the exit (Teen And Up Audiences, words: 2,408)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair // Fix-It // Grief/Mourning // Angst with a Happy Ending // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love // Grieving Dean Winchester // Grieving Sam Winchester

Summary: "Rewinding the exit wound, I'm holding on to you 'Cause I need words like anyone, and I need love like everyone With those words I'm strong enough, and I need love like everyone." (Rewind the exit by Volbeat) Obligatory 15x18 fix-it.

The Bunker is haunted. It's haunted by two faint apparitions of humanity who mostly pass each other by in the corridors like ships in the night, silent and distant.

Dean prays. Every morning, every evening, and most waking hours between the two, he prays. He doesn't know if Cas can hear him, but the faith that he can is all Dean has, so it has to be enough.

It's not enough. Yet Dean clings to it, because if he doesn't have that, he doesn't have anything.

Bite me (Mature, words: 1,407)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence // Vampire Dean Winchester // Mild Blood!Kink (comes with the territory) // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss

Summary: After Dean gets turned into a vampire during S06E05 - Live Free or Twi-hard, instead of going to Lisa's, he prays to Cas. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Vampire!Dean having a Cas snack"

“I can get you through this, and then we’ll burn any other bridges as we get to them,” Cas says earnestly.

“That’s not how the saying… you know what, never mind. I don’t want to get through this! I told you to kill me!” Dean pushes Cas away, but the angel holds onto both of his shoulders to stabilise him until Dean shakes him off in defiance. “Fucking stubborn angel, why can’t you just do as you’re told?”

“Because I’ve decided to disregard stupid orders!” Cas shoots back, and his previous stoicism is gone entirely. His eyes flare faintly with the light of his grace as he shrugs off his trenchcoat and goes to work on loosening his tie.

I wanna get you back again (Mature, words: 1,176)

Tags: Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair // Canon Divergence // Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss

Summary: Dean breaks into the Empty to save Cas. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Come on and lay it down/I've always been with you/Here and now/Give all that's within you/Be my Savior"

“Am I wrong in assuming that our friend who has the fashion sense of a flasher wasn’t the only one in love?” Balthazar smirked.

“Huh?”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Bit slow on the uptake, aren’t we? You know what, don’t answer that,” he shrugged, rolling right over Dean’s indignant splutter. “I’m talking about Castiel.”

“I know!”

“So which part of my question was confusing then?”

“Fuck you, Feather Boa, the Empty is trying to push me out and you want to chat?” Dean scoffed, trying to stomp his way past him.

“Your trenchcoated boyfriend is that way,” Balthazar said dryly, pointing to his left.

Forward is just the way ahead (General Audiences, words: 1,091)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor // Baby Jack Kline // Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent // Tattoo Artist Dean Winchester // Single Parent Castiel

Summary: Tattoo artist Dean falls for client. Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Cas getting tattooed by Dean (or the other way around)"

“So,” Dean began, “It’s a simple black design, correct? Four rows of symbols?”

“Yes. It’s actually a warding-slash-protection spell in Enochian, the language of Biblical angels. There’s… well, there’s a story to it,” Cas chuckled.

“Is part of that story that you were named after an angel?”

Cas’ chuckle changed into full-blown laughter. “Yes. I have to say I wasn’t expecting you to know that. In fact, all my siblings have angel names, except for Luke, but only because they wouldn’t allow my parents to officially name him Lucifer…”

Waffles or kisses (Mature, words:1,026)

Tags: Domestic Fluff // Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Domesticity in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural)

Summary: Cas tries to make breakfast for Dean - it doesn't quite work out... Written for a prompt by winchester-reload on Patreon: "Great British Bake Off contestants with fewer clothes and lots of flour!" I have nefariously tweaked the prompt to allow me to play in the canon!verse.

“You look like one of the Great British Bake Off contestants, but with fewer clothes... and lots of flour, what the hell are you even doing?” Dean guffaws.

“Is that Dean?” A slightly tinny female voice comes from somewhere underneath the bowls, and it takes a moment for Dean to recognise it.

“Hi Jody!”

“Am I on speaker?”

“Yes,” Cas says, rolling his eyes. Dean finds that his behaviour is not unlike Miracle’s after the dog got caught chewing Sam’s 3rd pair of slippers to shreds, and the comparison draws another laugh out of him.

“Hi, Dean,” Jody says warmly. “Nice to hear your voice, though it would be even nicer if you were the one calling, rather than hijacking a conversation between Cas and I…”

Dean ducks his head as Jody’s “mom voice” tries to work its magic on him. “I’m not hijacking anything! Can someone explain why my kitchen and my… Cas are head-to-toe covered in flour?”

“I was trying to make waffles for breakfast,” Cas replies barely audibly, looking down, shoulders drooping.

With those words I'm strong enough (Mature, words: 703)

Tags: Dean Winchester Deserves to be Happy // Dean Winchester's Birthday // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Non-Explicit Sex // Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love // Dean Winchester Says "I Love You" // Pillow Talk // Dean Winchester Lives // fuck 15x20

Summary: It's Dean's birthday and Castiel doesn't waste a single second to wish him a happy one (Utter finale denial and slight sap below.)

“Where did you go, my love?” Cas asks, ruffling Dean’s hair, curling a longer-than-usual strand of it around his index finger.

“Thinking.”

“Uh-oh, that’s never a good thing,” Cas deadpans and Dean whacks his upper arm with very little force. “Ow.”

“Sarcastic asshole in one moment, drama queen the next,” Dean grumbles, and he fully intends to kiss it better, but before he could get around to it, he’s pushed onto his back and there’s a former angel of the Lord straddling him with a grin on his face.

Domestic (General Audiences, words: 462)

Tags: Domestic Fluff // Established Castiel/Dean Winchester // Fallen Angel Castiel // Suptober 2020

Summary: Middle-of-the-night Destiel chat. Just a lightning-quick ficlet as my first and possibly only entry to Suptober 2020. The prompt was 'domestic'

“Of all the human things, the constant need to urinate is the worst,” Castiel complained as he slid under the covers with a yawn.

“The worst?” Dean huffed in sleepy amusement. “Being shot is worse. Broken bones. A toothache…”

“They are worse, but they are temporary. Urinating is permanent. I will have to put up with it for the rest of my life.”

[itsclydebitches]

(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/”  Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.  

[eunoiastarz]

I just think we should talk about Apocalypse!verse Calthazar:

Okay so in 13x20 we get our final Balthazar mention through Jack’s quote “Balthazar’s army attacked, but we were ready. I killed him.”

(I should mention that Apocalypse!verse doesn’t make any sense. In the cannon universe Castiel’s garrison was sent to watch over humanity. It makes 0 sense for him to be one of Heavens torturers. And Balthazar didn’t even have an army/garrison in cannon. He served under Castiel/Anna. Also Cannon Castiel is far stronger than Apocalypse!verse Cas because according to the wiki, “this Castiel never rose above being a regular angel to become a Seraphim like his Main Universe counterpart did”. There’s so many inconsistencies. The list could go on forever. Furthermore, I again, should remind you that Cas always loved and fought for humanity. Naomi literally says “I think you came off the line with a crack in your chaisis. You have never done what you were told. Not completely” and a bunch of other quotes that back this up. The writers just hate Cas in general and I can’t change that so continuing on <3)

Balthazar gets mentioned in a throwaway line and only after his death does Castiel’s Apocalypse!verse counterpart come into the story.

What does he come to do? Torture Apocalypse!verse Charlie and Ketch for any information on Balthazar’s killer (Jack).

I understand that they didn’t intend for them to be connected in anyway, but if they were so close in the cannon universe why wouldn’t they be in this universe?

In this universe Balthazar never left Heaven because Cas never died. Cas came home to him which means he was never given a reason to escape. Castiel never saved Dean from Hell, instead he possibly saved Micheal’s Apocalypse!verse vessel from Hell. Chuck states as much in season 15 when he tells Cas that every other version of him ‘went back and did as they were told’. That means the two have been together this entire time. Their relationship never got to where it did in 6x03. Cas and Balthazar grew up in a Garrison together in cannon, so why wouldn’t they in this universe? Their bond in cannon was literally unbreakable, why would a difference in universe change that?

Now hear me out, the idea that Apocalypse!verse Balthazar was killed and Apocalypse!verse Cas finding out when Balthazar doesn’t return to him is plain depressing. Just like how in the cannon universe someone (most likely his garrison) had to tell Cas that Balthazar was ‘dead’ after The War (his faked death somewhere after 4x20). Apocalypse!verse Castiel was an expert torturer, just imagine him begging Zachariah to be the one sent to get the information. They killed Balthazar, he’s the one that deserves the right to find and kill them. Sam, Dean, and just about every other character had revenge arcs. Sam’s revenge against Azazel for Jess, Gabriel’s against Loki’s a few episodes prior, this was Cas’ revenge arc.

And the stark difference between them working together to save the world in season 6 vs them helping end it in Apocalypse!verse is just so interesting.

Anyways Cas and Balthazar were and evil duo in Apocalypse!verse you can’t change my mind <3

<<

I raise you Balthazar not dying before Cas gets into the Apocalypse world and the two of them meeting. Balthazar immediately holding up his angel blade and saying “you’re not my Cas”.

Imagine Castiel being faced with his biggest regret: the face of the one person who never gave up on him, the angel he killed in cold blood, his companions whose dying words were his name. Except it’s not Balthazar, not really. He can’t run to him and tell him he’s sorry because this isn’t his Balthazar. This version of him has no knowledge of what Cas had done.

The only thing Cas can even bring himself to say is a whispered prayer of his name. Balthazar’s still an angel, he can pick up on the others longing. He feels how much the other wants to run straight into his arms.

Maybe the two stand looking at each other for a small eternity, communicating what words can’t. I don’t see Balthazar killing Cas at the end of the interaction because maybe that isn’t his Cas but it’s still Castiel. I can’t see Cas killing Balthazar either, he’s still too traumatized from the last time.

Anyways I refuse to let anyone ignore them <3

[spookyseraphs]

supernatural and the x-files (specifically destiel and msr) parallels

this was intended to convert my spn friends to txf and my txf friends to spn and then it got out of hand. i got tired of finding sources for everything, so you’ll just have to trust me, i’m an expert on both subjects.

cas=scully

cas/scully's faith in god vs dean/mulder being non-believers (but believing in the other) (spn) (txf)

cas being the healer, scully being a doctor (spn) (txf)

cas is supposed to guard the michael sword but falls in love vs scully sent to debunk the x-files but falls in love (spn) (txf) 

cas and scully are both immortal (spn) (txf) (also)

cas/scully's families hate dean/mulder (spn) (txf)

cas/scully coming to believe in humanity/the paranormal (spn) (txf)

i'm an angel vs i'm a medical doctor (spn doesn’t have a compilation)   (txf)

they’re not like... the best drivers

hello dean vs mulder it’s me (spn) (txf)

dean=mulder

dean/mulder's fucked up fathers (spn) (txf)

dean/mulder's eldest child syndrome and their unhealthy need to protect their younger sibling (spn) (txf)

dean/mulder being the best in their respective fields (hunting and criminal profiling) and being well known for it

dean/mulder and their porn habits (spn) (txf)

no one has ever hated themselves the way dean and mulder hate themselves (spn) (txf)

dean and mulder both have issues with fire (spn) (txf)

both die, get buried, and then come back

sunflower seeds vs pie

also they both hate nazis (spn) (txf)

yellow fever vs war of the coprophages  (spn) (txf)

ship parallels

blue and green eyes (hazel is close enough)

for some reason theres a pizza man parallel? (spn) (pt 2) (txf) (pt 2)

mulder/krycek vs dean/crowley (spn) (txf) (also)

cas/hannah vs scully/pendrell (poor hannah and pendrell never stood a chance... and died)

also cas/scully get laid ONE TIME (april/ed jerse) and they almost die because of it and then never do it again (spn) (txf)

vs dean/mulder having plenty of love interests/hookups

cas/scully have never done anything wrong ever

dean/mulder... sigh... i love them... but they've made some questionable decisions (i'm looking at you mulder: fucking the vampire THE EP AFTER SCULLY'S ABDUCTION AND WHILE WEARING HER CROSS and dean, kicking cas out and locking jack in the ma’lak box?? really guys?) (spn) (txf)

creators who think their relationship is platonic despite everyone with eyes saying otherwise (spn) (txf)

also the way that neither were ever written or intended to be romantic

the fandoms were split heavily between shippers and non shippers 

they also both had to have scenes changed because they were being played too romantic

a kiss was cut from the episode memento mori and gillovny were always trying to hold hands (x)

jackles forever wanting to cradle misha's face and the cut i love you from the crypt scene (x)

just... gillovny vs cockles in general, i am not a real person shipper, HOWEVER they are both messy (spn) (txf)

their first meetings? iconic. chemistry? immaculate. dean/mulder are super defensive but tbh cas/scully fell in love at first sight (spn) (txf)

they also had no concept of personal space pretty much immediately (spn) (txf)

they have a baby (that has magic powers) together that they lose twice (jack dies and becomes god, william/jackson is adopted and then as far as they know he dies) (spn) (txf)

cas/scully also have a kind of kid (claire/emily) that dean/mulder are willing to co-parent regardless of the fact that they definitely aren't theirs (spn) (txf)

we get an i love you that still doesn't get taken seriously or make them canon (stuck in the middle (with you) and triangle) (spn) (txf)

dean keeping cas's trenchcoat vs mulder keeping scully's cross (spn) (txf)

they go absolutely batshit when the other is in danger or dies/is dying (spn) (txf)

they're also known and used by their enemies as each other's weaknesses (spn) (txf)

msr being mistaken as a couple vs every angel and demon cracking jokes about destiel being a couple (spn) (txf)

skinner and sam just off to the side looking frustrated while msr and destiel are having a couples moment (spn) (txf)

eating each others food (spn) (txf)

appreciating each others interests (spn) (and this one) (txf)

parallels except the roles are swapped

dreamland/small potatoes vs casifer, i just think scully/dean should have realized IMMEDIATELY (spn) (txf)

mulders fight the future speech vs cas's confession (spn) (txf)

they should have kissed and didn't

it almost ambiguously canonizes them both

AND THE SECRET TAPES, the most famous msr kiss isn't an actual canon kiss, it's a blooper of gillian and david making out in front of the camera (two different times) and it wasn't scripted it was literally just them messing around (x)

this is me manifesting jackles dropping the tapes and those tapes having the same energy

they just really love each other (spn) (txf)

non ship/general parallels

leyla harrison vs becky rosen being fandom stand ins (spn) (txf)

they were supposed to end on season 5

Good but bad (absolutely iconic) sci-fi shows

they both had two finales which both sucked

they shared soooo many cast and crew and both filmed in vancouver

they're such similar shows, motw/story episodes, the funny and serious episodes, dealing with the paranormal, they're basically siblings

also siblings in the way that they handle racism, misogyny and consent/rape/bodily autonomy

the supernatural book series vs the movie made about mulder and scully (spn) (txf)

mystery spot vs monday (spn) (txf)

tall tales vs bad blood  (spn) (txf)

 the benders vs home (spn) (txf)

why did both shows use live bees??? (spn) (txf)

the fbi's most wanted and the fbi's most unwanted (also everyone involved looks cute as fbi agents) (spn) (look how cute!) (txf) (cuties!!)

the syndicate vs heaven and the cigarette smoking man vs god

the bunker vs the basement office

every single side character on both shows deserved better!!! most of them literally didn't need to die!!! and i'm still angry!!!

the poor brothers adam milligan and charlie scully existing and then being literally forgotten about until the last season

the fandoms living for things cut from the scripts (spn) (txf)

team free will vs mulder, scully, and skinner

these ones are shippy, but more my opinion than factual

both pairs just keep getting traumatic events dumped on them for absolutely no reason

cas/scully both have major exasperated why do i love this man vibes

absolutely most iconic and slowest slow burn romances of all time and are just the longest games of will they/won't they, baiting, and were never INTENDED to be slow burns

they're always willing to die/kill for each other, however they WILL NOT talk about their feelings under any circumstances

in the field where i died, mulder says that he and scully have been around each other in past lives but never romantically and according to chuck, every other universe's castiel just pulled dean out of hell and listened to his orders

SO in these other lives/universes they were always linked to each other but only in this life/universe do they fall in love

the last seasons really fuck up my favorite characters

dean should not be that shitty to jack OR cas for that matter

and mulder shouldn't have left scully and william (and dearest dana?? DANA?)

and, controversial opinion, but cas/scully could do so much better and deserve so much better but dean/mulder... it's the best they'll ever get

HOWEVER, i feel like their love is MORE powerful BECAUSE cas/scully could do better but they don't want better or normal they want dean/mulder and they will fight to the death for it, it's not the easy choice, it's just what they want

and i say this with all the love in the world for both dean and mulder, but cas could have just followed his orders and returned to heaven like every other version of himself did. scully could have easily found a normal man to settle down and have 2.5 kids with. dean was always going to be stuck in chuck's plans, and mulder absolutely could not just go find a wife to settle down with.

cas/scully put up with SO MUCH SHIT from dean/mulder, while being ALWAYS FAITHFUL to them, it was never the easy option to love these men and stay by their sides, it was hard and they worked for it!!!

they’re both the greatest love story ever told, they tied

[inlovewithsaturn]

Dean Winchester’s 42nd Birthday

Dean woke up on his 42nd birthday the way he had been waking up nearly every day in the last few months: an armful of white fur and wet kisses across his cheeks. When Miracle first came home with them Dean had made sure to get her a big, cushy, memory foam dog bed so that she would be comfortable, but it had taken all of three nights for him to relent and let her sleep pressed against his side. He liked having her there, hell, he didn't even try and hide it. He was trying to hide things less now. He was trying to be better. ** **

He was trying to be the man Cas had told him he was. 

The thought of Cas had him hugging Miracle just a little tighter to his chest, burying his face in her warm fur. He thought about Cas a lot. His eyes, his final moments, his confession. Dean missed him more than he really thought was possible. But life goes on. You lose people and you have to keep going, no matter how big the ache in your chest gets, you have to keep going. That's what Dean was trying to do. He wanted Cas’s sacrifice to mean something. If he got out now Cas’s death would have been for naught, so he kept going. 

There had been some close calls, even as the number of hunts got lower and lower. Dean had a nasty gash still healing on his ribs from where a piece of rebar almost got him, now that would have been a dumb way to go. Those first couple of weeks had been hard. Dean contemplated just ending it all, he wasn't really sure how to go on after everything that happened, wasn't sure how to fill the angel-sized hole in his heart. But Cas’s words played on his head in a loop and he wasn't going to die and throw away the chance Cas had died to give him. He loved the other man far too much to let that happen. 

So Dean got up, he pulled on his dead guy robe and grabbed the plate from last night’s pizza rolls, and he scratched Miracle behind the ears. Today was going to be a good day, whether the universe wanted it to be or not. He hummed as he walked to the kitchen. He was doing better. Coffee was scenting the air as he neared the doorway and, oh, bacon? Happy birthday to him! As he grinned and rounded the doorway three things immediately became clear. 1. That was not his brother (way too short), 2. The “unbreakable” glass plates he got at the store were not in fact unbreakable if the cuts pricking his legs were to be believed, and 3. He was going to get to start his birthday by killing whatever son of a bitch had decided to put on that trenchcoat and waltz into his home. 

The shattering dinnerware caused the creature to turn in surprise, it's elbow nearly bumping the frying pan to the ground, but it caught it at the last moment. It then turned back, blue eyes locking with green. Dean was frozen, not for long but for longer than a seasoned hunter should have been. In two long strides he had a knife from the butcher block in his grip and was pressing the blade to the fucker’s neck with his other arm solidly around it’s chest. His voice was wobbling when he spoke. 

“I dont care what the fuck you are, get out of that body now or your death is gonna take a hell of a lot longer than it needs to.” 

The sigh of frustration coming from the monster was almost expected. Monsters were cocky little bastards. The words it spoke though? Rather surprising. 

“Dean, if you don't let me go the bacon is going to burn and this is the only pack in the fridge.” 

Huh. Okay. So it was going to get extra tortured then. It was one thing to take his shape but pretending to be his angel cooking him breakfast was another. He pressed down harder with the knife, drawing a blood and a wince-

“Cas?” 

Dean didn't loosen his hold but he did turn his neck to look at Sam, who was currently in the same position of shock Dean had vacated moments earlier. His brother’s face pushed the tears that were burning the back of his eyes into the light. He needed a drink. 

“Sam, get the silver and the holy water from the cupboard,” Sam didn't move. “Now!” Dean gritted out, just as the monster cut in. 

“I'm not a shapeshifter Dean, or a demon, I was just trying to make breakfast.” 

“Shut up. Stop saying my name.” Was all Dean could manage. He had been thinking about hearing Cas say his name, just once more, for weeks now. This was agony. 

Sam had apparently been shaken from his trance because the next thing Dean felt was residual holy water splashing his cheek. He let go of one arm so Sam could push up the coat, his coat, and draw the thin silver blade over skin. 

Nothing happened except a few pricks of blood and a sharp inhale that Dean could feel pressed against his chest. Then there was a quiet, fluttering, woosh to his left. A sound he hadn't heard in months. 

“It seems I should have arrived at the same time as Cas, sorry about that.” 

Dean’s brain was going way too fast. It felt like there was cotton stuffed in his ears and all the way through his skull. The edges of his vision went dark, zeroing in on the figure standing next to the stove, white jacket somehow almost glowing. Now Dean was almost certain that this was a dream because the last thing he saw before fainting backwards into the counter was Jack, smiling like there was absolutely nothing amiss. 

His head hurt. Not like a hangover but more like that time a vampire had clocked him from behind with a 2x4. He opened his eyes, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. That dream had been insane. Why was he in the kitchen? 

“How is your head Dean?” Cas’s low voice washed over him in a sea of warmth. 

“It hurts like a bitch. What happened Cas?” 

Oh fuck. Not a dream. 

Dean pushed up so he was sitting and tried to stand and tackle the man before him at the same time but the floor seemed to rush towards him and he ended up slumped on Cas’s chest. Warm arms caught him by the waist and sat him back down. A large hand gripped his chin and he was turned to see his brother. 

“Calm the hell down okay? You hit your head pretty hard on the counter.” Dean jerked his eyes back to Cas and tried, again unsuccessfully, to leave his hold. His face was turned again. 

“He's not a monster Dean, stop moving. You have a cut.” Sam lifted his hand to place a small bandaid on Dean’s eyebrow. 

“What?” 

“Jack pulled me out. Please let your brother finish his first aid so we can talk.” 

Dean sat still. 

Once Sam was satisfied with his handiwork he and Cas helped Dean stand and move to the table. 

Dean sat still. 

This was not happening. How in the world could it be? 

Cas sat in front of him. Cas gazed at him with a mix of worry and pure joy. Cas reached out a hand to gently squeeze the one Dean had lying limp on the tabletop. He felt real. He felt like Cas. 

“Cas?” Cas smiled wider. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Tears slid down Dean’s cheeks as his hand not currently occupied with gripping onto Cas lifted, shaking, to brush across the angel’s cheekbone. He was really here. He was warm and solid and breathing. He was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. 

“How are you here?” His voice was barely above a whisper. He was terrified that if he spoke too loud or moved too fast this would all fall apart and he would wake back up in his bed, alone with only his dog and memories to keep him going. 

“Jack came to an agreement with the Empty, he could help it sleep if he was allowed to pull a few angels out to help in Heaven. I was the first.” 

“I prayed to you Cas. I didn't think you could hear me but I kept praying. How long have you been out?” At this, sadness shadows across blue eyes, guilt evident in his ethereal features. 

“A while by Earth standards of time. There was so much to be done. I heard them. I heard you.” 

He looks back up. 

“I am sorry Dean, we worked as fast as we could. I cannot tell you what it is now, but it is far better than what my father created. Jack is a good leader. It was important I finished before I saw you again.” 

“Why?” Dean is now holding both of Castiel’s hands in his own. A sad smile graces Cas’s mouth.

“Because I knew once I saw you I would be unable to leave you again.” 

Dean stands, the floor now remaining steady under his feet, and has his arms around Cas in seconds. Castiel stands as well so he can wrap around him, Dean’s face quickly finding its home in the crook of Cas’s neck. 

“Thank you.” 

“I didn't actually do it, Jack is the one to thank.” 

“No.” Dean pulls back so he can see Cas’s face. “Thank you for coming back.” 

“I’ll always come when you call.” 

Dean pulls him back in, suffocating himself in the scent of Cas. He stays that way for a time, only pulling away when he hears a small giggle from behind him. Jack is beaming, as is Sam, and Dean rushes to envelop Jack in a hug as well. 

“Thanks kid.” 

“Of course, Dean. It was his choice anyway, I just made it happen. I don't think there is anyone better to teach him how to be human than you and Sam.” 

Dean pulls back. 

“Human?” 

Cas speaks again, anxiety laced into his words. 

“Yes, as Jack said, I made the choice. I can go somewhere else if that-” Dean’s arms surround him once again, crushing any doubts he was holding. 

“We are gonna teach you everything okay? You're gonna love it.” Dean is smiling so wide his cheeks hurt. Cas is staying here. Cas is human and real and he's here. 

“I know you all need to catch up on some things but I do have some pressing matters to get back to, and I brought a birthday cake that I would very much like to eat.” Dean doesn't know if he will ever be able to feel this much joy ever again. 

“And I insisted on a birthday pie as well, though it is not traditional I thought it may be appreciated.” Dean’s heart could have exploded right then and there. Cas is the best thing that ever happened to him. 

“Get some plates Sammy.” 

They sit down, Cas and Dean on one side, Sam and Jack on the other. They eat cake. Dean eats pie. They tell Cas about the things Dean left out of his prayers, like Dean’s application to a local mechanic, and how Eilleen has been staying over more and more. They all hug Jack goodbye and he promises to drop in sometimes. Sam leaves to call Eilleen, and finally Dean and Castiel are sitting side by side in the empty kitchen. Cas speaks first. 

“I got you something.” Dean blushes and averts his eyes from the man beside him. 

“You didn't have to Cas. You coming back is pretty much the birthday gift of a lifetime.” Cas chuckles at that but slips his hand into the breast pocket of his coat all the same. 

“I wanted to. You deserve good things, Dean. Especially on your birthday.” Dean wants to make a joke about how utterly unworthy he is of anything Cas has to offer but the words die in his throat as Castiel stands from his seat to kneel on the cold floor beside him. Holy shit. 

“I heard your prayers Dean. I know how hard you tried to get me out. I know about your mom’s ring. I could hear the life you planned out for us. I heard everything. I could see you too. I know how hard you have been working to be true to yourself. I never regretted for a moment that I let the Empty take me. Not one. You are worth everything. I rebuilt Heaven for you, Dean. Everyone will benefit but I did it for you. You are so full of love. From the moment I raised you out of hell I knew I would never lay my eyes on another soul as beautiful as yours. I know I do not technically exist and you are legally dead but I do not want to spend another moment without you. So, Dean Winchester, will you marry me?” 

Dean is on his knees, hands cradling Cas’s face, lips crashing against the ex-angel’s before he can even utter his response. He’s been wanting to do this for years. Dean kisses with every ounce of adoration he has in him, pushing away only when he needs to breathe. Their foreheads rest against each other, two sets of tears mixing on cheeks. They are breathing the same air, eyes still closed, chests rising and falling in frantic harmony. 

“Yes! I love you. I love you so much I can hardly stand it.” 

They're kissing again, soft and sweet. Dean’s fingers are threaded through dark hair, he never wants to let go. They stay kneeling on the bunker floor wrapped in eachother’s arms for what feels like an eternity. Once Dean can feel his knees giving out he stands and drags Cas along with him, the shorter man scooping up the ring box on the way. Dean hadn't even seen the ring yet. Cas clutches his hand and rests it over his heart while he fumbles to get the jewelry free. 

It's a simple band, nothing flashy or ornate, but Dean’s eyes catch on something engraved inside. Cas reads his mind, the same way he always does. 

“For Love,” Castiel smiles that same watery smile that is seared into Dean’s heart.

“The engraving, that's what it says. I made it before we came.” With those words he slips the ring onto Dean’s hand. He doesn't let go, only uses one hand to pull Dean back in, kissing him with all the love in the world. Dean kisses back, matching him move for move. 

The next day they walk hand in hand through the door of the lone jewelry store in Lebanon, Mary’s old ring in Dean’s pocket. Lighter silver than the one on Dean’s finger but fitting all the same. They get it engraved too. 

“We are.” 

[inawickedlittletown]

Is It Too Much To Ask For Something Good (2/4)

Pairing: Dean Winchester/Castiel

Summary: Maybe the problem was knowing that if he talked about it and that if he said it outloud with words that could be heard, it wasn’t only his anymore. Or that they had saved the world but nothing was alright. Not anymore. Not ever.

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In the aftermath of defeating Chuck and bringing everyone back, there was still one thing that wasn’t set to rights. Castiel was still in The Empty. And Dean would never leave him there, even if it meant allowing Jack to change him.

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Author’s Note: I’m sure there are a few hundred fix-it fics out there after a finale like that. And I never intended to write another fic…much less in a fandom I’ve never written for. But this idea would not stop nagging. The feels I have for these characters would not stop nagging me. So here we are. Enjoy.

Words:  2,025

Read on Ao3

Part One

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Part Two

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Dean said yes. 

There could have been no other answer, not when saying yes meant that he could have Cas back and that he could tell him the most important three words that Cas would ever hear. It ate at him, knowing that Dean had been so shocked and struck by Cas’ words that nothing had come out of his mouth to dispel what Cas had clearly believed. Cas had been so sure that Dean would never see him that way, that his feelings were one-sided. 

Dean was at fault there too. For one thing, he’d denied it for so long even to himself to the point that Dean hadn’t known — allowed himself to know — until it was too late. And by the time that Dean had realized why it was that Cas affected him so much and why he had nearly drowned himself in anger and alcohol after the night of Jack’s birth. And Cas for all his talk about profound bonds was an angel and as human as he could be at times, Dean had never expected Cas to feel anything for him in that way. 

Jack couldn’t stay long, so all of it was immediate.

“This might hurt,” Jack warned him. 

Sam would have asked if there would be repercussions of what Jack was about to do. He would have asked about what would happen afterwards. Dean would have shut him up and done it anyway. 

“Do it,” Dean said.

It was painful, but it wasn’t the kind of pain that Dean had expected or been prepared for. The pain came from inside like a burning ember that started at the center of his chest and then spread all over. It was his nerves caught aflame and a tingling sensation that climbed to his eyes and that grew tighter and hotter over his shoulder blades. 

Bone and sinew ripped and it must have been the worst of it, because he was sure that he blacked out for some of it. When he became aware again, it was on his knees, doubled over on the hardwood floor and feeling like something heavy had settled on his back and wasn’t letting him up. 

Slowly, it all began to settle. He didn’t feel like before, but the discomfort eased and there were other things to focus on like how much more he could hear and see and how he could feel wings at his back. There was the thrum of power too, energy that existed within him and that was like nothing Dean had ever felt before. 

“It is complete,” Jack said.

His voice was different, it had taken on a strange crispness and with it authority. When Dean looked at him he was still Jack, but he glowed as if a stagelight was pointing at him. It didn’t last long before it disappeared and there was just Jack left. 

Dean had known power before. He had had the mark of Cain on him, he had been a demon, and when Michael had used him as a vessel, Dean had been aware enough to know what that power felt like. What Jack had made him, it was different and greater than all of that. But more than that, it came with knowing. 

He was aware that he didn’t know all, but the comprehension of himself and everything that he’d ever experienced in his life came with a deep awareness of his failings and his mistakes and how none of that mattered in comparison to knowing that his intentions had always been good and that few things had been under his control. It all settled on him at once. Understanding that Cas had always loved him and that Dean’s very soul had been pulled towards the angel from the first moment he laid eyes on him. There was also a lot more about his parents and Sam and the universe at large. 

“You still have a soul,” Jack said. “It is an extension of your grace. My father was right, there is no soul quite like yours. That has made this easier, Dean. And now,  I will send you to The Empty.” 

Dean didn’t get to ask or say anything before Jack grasped his arm. It felt just like the few times that he’d flown with Cas, disconcerting and like he was being pressed into a tiny space. And then, he was no longer in the bunker. He was nowhere. In a space so blank that there was no question about where it was. The Empty. 

“Been in heaven, hell, and purgatory. Makes sense I’d get to come here too,” Dean said more to himself than anything because there really was no one and Jack hadn’t given him any instructions. 

Dean walked. The black emptiness went on and on with nothing to distinguish any part of it from another. It did, strangely enough, give him time to take grasp of himself. He felt better than ever. His knees didn’t ache and any tension that he’d carried on his shoulders was gone. And on his back he could feel his wings. They felt natural, and he moved them into his own view without thought, the black feathers weren’t just black but iridescent. In the bleakness of The Empty they almost shone with every hue. They were beautiful. 

Dean was suddenly hit with the pang of knowing that he had never been able to see Cas’ wings and that Cas no longer had them.

Thinking about Cas ignited something, a spark that appeared as the singular thing other than Dean in the space. It beckoned and Dean followed.

Time passed strangely, but Dean was aware that it was passing and that he wouldn’t have much time. 

The spark stopped, floated and waited until Dean was in front of it and instinct told him to grasp it. It fell into his hand without a fight. It felt pleasantly warm and then Dean knew exactly what he needed to do. 

He knelt and then he reached for the nothingness in front of him. His hands disappeared into what felt like a cold slick substance. His arms were more than elbow deep when his fingers brushed against flesh. Dean let his hands take hold of a wrist, and when the pads of his fingers found the pulse point, it was weak, dormant. But, he knew it was Cas. 

Dean pulled and in that moment a few things happened. The darkness around him intensified and there was noise, a ringing that meant his time was up. 

His hands were still in the substance and it started to move, flicking up and at him from below, above, and all sides. His wings lifted up as protection and none of it touched him even while around him it was becoming more and more volatile and through it all, Dean held onto Cas. 

Then, the substance started to form shapes. Humanlike shapes that like soldiers stepped into place around Dean and simultaneously they moved forward and as they moved they became more corporeal. 

Dean pulled harder and his elbows were out, covered in black goo but out and Cas was still in his grasp.

“Come on, come on,” Dean muttered.

He wasn’t even straining, but it was slow going to get him out and the soldiers were coming. 

Dean’s wings were folded over him, covering him when the soldiers arrived and Dean felt the way that they came at him. His wings fluttered to push them away and yet Dean still felt the sharp something that kept hitting him over and over and then the grasping hands that were trying to pull him away.

Dean continued to shake them off. His focus remained on Cas and holding on when it occurred to him that he already had Cas in his hold.

Dean had never flown before. He knew only that it wasn’t like the flight of a bird or a plane. It was more like creating a fold in the very fabric of reality and bending space and time to fit his means. He gripped Cas tighter and he willed to go wishing that Jack had allowed him to practice it just once, except that he suddenly he just knew what to do and then when it happened it didn’t feel unpleasant. 

It was far more like flying than Dean had imagined it would be. His wings were moving and he was moving and it was all happening at a pace that humans would never be able to comprehend, but Dean wasn’t human anymore and he could understand. But The Empty’s soldiers weren’t human either and Dean rising up his single hand still grasping Cas’ wrist didn’t keep them from coming at him and throwing themselves at him and trying to rip Cas away.

Cas was no more than dead weight. His head hung down against his chest and his tan coat was streaked with black sludge. Dean was never going to let him go. 

As he and Cas rose and Cas’ was completely out of the substance, Dean felt the weight of the soldiers on his wings and the ringing from before rose in pitch into a painful screech that Dean realized was supposed to wake The Empty itself. And if that happened, Dean knew he and Cas would never make it out. 

Something about his will to leave and the way that his wings were being weighed down by the soldiers and realizing that it was really Cas in his hold, it brought his grace forward and in a flash all the soldiers were torn apart, falling in black thick rain drops as Dean finally and properly flew out of The Empty gripping Cas tight. 

Words appeared in his head, then. “I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.” 

Laughter poured out of him, the kind that was genuine and that was joyous. He had laughed so little in so long that the sound almost sounded foreign. His eyes found where he held Cas’ wrist and all at once it became real. It was Cas that he was holding. There was nothing quite like the relief and the euphoria that was present in him just at being able to touch his angel and it was only his fear that he might drop him in the middle of flight that kept Dean from pulling him into his arms. 

They landed inside the bunker, tumbling directly onto a table in the library and sending all the books, notebooks, and empty beer bottles to the floor. Cas flopped onto his side, head thrown back, eyes closed, but Dean could still feel his pulse and he could hear his breathing. More importantly, Dean could see his grace. It was a dull shine, but it was there.

“Cas,” Dean said, a little more than a whisper. The way that Dean had landed had kept them connected but had banged up his left knee on the table hard, but it was his wings that had done the damage of throwing everything off the table. They had smashed other things too. All of it had made a great deal of noise, so Dean wasn’t surprised when a half-dressed Sam with a gun in hand showed up. 

“What is — Dean?” 

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said. 

Sam stepped forward, cautiously. “Is that Cas?”

Dean turned his head and his eyes were on Cas again. Dean hadn’t let go of his wrist, he didn’t think he could let go, but he sat up and he pulled Cas into a more comfortable position on the table. He was frowning in his sleep, mouth turned downward. He was beautiful and he was back and Dean felt like he was in a dream. He was lost in looking at Cas and taking him in. His free hand touched Cas’ face and to Dean’s surprise a blue glow appeared there. Faintly he heard Sam make a noise, but that didn’t matter because Cas’ eyes fluttered. He leaned into Dean’s hand like a cat asking to be pet and then at long last his eyes opened and all Dean could see was blue.

“Hello, Dean.”

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Part Three

[jjs-other-other-blog]

Whatever You Imagined

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester (mentioned), Jack Kline (mentioned)

Pairing: Destiel, Saileen (mentioned)

Rating: T (there may be a few f-bombs though if that counts)

Warnings: None. I think.

Summary: Castiel is back. Which is great because Cas, whom Dean loves, is alive and well. It also means Dean has to talk about his feelings though which he hates. This makes for an interesting conversation. [post 15x19; canon divergent]

Words: 3k

It had gotten quiet in the bunker despite the relatively early hour. Dean was the only one still sitting in the kitchen, mindlessly staring at his phone and taking a sip of beer every now and then. It was more a force of habit than an honest attempt to get drunk though. Why would it be? Everything seemed to be perfect. That’s why he was sitting alone in the kitchen at 9 pm after all. Because everything was so fucking perfect. Not to say that he wasn’t happy with the very recent turn of events. In fact he was still brimming with excitement. At least on the inside.

Cas was back. After Jack had taken on the powers of capital-g God and skipped town to “be” in the flowers or whatever Dean had hoped of course. Hoped and prayed and cursed the whole freaking universe, but he had never gotten an answer until without any kind of warning and completely out of the blue Jack showed up back on the bunker’s doorstep with a certain angel of the lord in tow.

Sam had immediately surged forward to hug Cas and their wayward son and there had been laughter and tears from all three of them. Everyone except Dean who had felt frozen in place, his mind trapped in a never-ending loop of “CasCasCas”. That had seemed to be the maximum capacity for his slightly hung-over head, so he had just stared at his best friend without any specific expression or thought or feeling behind it. They had hugged eventually and Dean was pretty sure that, like the fucking idiot he was, he had said something along the lines of: “Good to have you back buddy.” As if the last time they’d seen each other the guy hadn’t declared his undying love for him.

Cas’ face had gone through a rather confusing sequence of different emotions before it eventually settled on a worn, bittersweet smile and his lips formed the words: “Glad to be back.”

Half a minute of awkward silence later Sam had taken charge of the situation and guided them all down to the dining room where Jack had presented them with a detailed, animated version of their otherworldly prison break which somehow involved a backdoor between heaven and the empty that was hidden in Abel’s (yes, thee Abel’s) heaven, but to be completely honest Dean had spent more time staring at Cas or – the other way around – avoiding Cas’ stares than listening to Jack.

After Jack had finished his story Dean had gotten started on making dinner for the sole purpose of escaping the room and whatever awkward staring contest he and Cas had been about to get into. They obviously had to talk to each other sooner or later, but just the thought of starting that conversation had almost sent Dean into an anxiety attack. Hence his escape to the kitchen.

The awkwardness had stretched all over dinner and even Sam and Jack had noticed by the time the clock struck seven. At some point Jack had left to get Cas settled into his old room and shortly after that Sam, too, had decided to call it a night and with one more curious look at him he had left Dean to sulk on his own.

And that’s how Dean found himself still sitting in the exact same position over an hour later. Logically he new that he should go talk to Cas. It wasn’t fair on anyone to just leave this topic unaddressed, but once again Dean found himself unable to move. Maybe Cas was exhausted, he should let him rest. Or maybe he didn’t even want to talk to Dean, maybe he was angry. Cas had put his feelings out there and Dean… well. Dean hadn’t really said or done anything.

Half of him feared that he might have messed up their bond permanently, but he other half doubted that Cas would hold his silence against him. Everything had happened so fast and Cas had left him with a lot of info to emotionally unpack. If anything, Dean thought, he should be angry. What had Cas been thinking unloading all of that on Dean and then just leaving him there!

The anger might’ve been unjustified, but at least it shook him out of his interior monologue. He pocketed his phone, set the empty beer bottle down in the kitchen and made his way towards his room. When he passed Cas’ door on the hallway though he stopped out of reflex. Staring at the brown wood he thought back to that day with Billie and the empty and to the time before that with Lucifer and how every single time he lost Cas it had sent him head first into a several weeks long downwards spiral. Now Cas was right behind that door and Dean still wouldn’t talk to him, shoving his feelings aside yet again. Because that usually worked out so well. Fuck. “Just grow a pair and do it!”, he reprimanded himself and before he could change his mind again, Dean had already knocked. 

“Come in!” Cas’ voice sounded muffled through the wood. He took one last deep breath and then did as he was told. Cas was sitting cross-legged on his bed reading a book. Dean shot him a quick smile, then looked away and closed the door behind him. This was a private conversation. He walked a few steps into the room, then came to a hesitant halt, wringing his hands. Fuck this was hard. He hadn’t even said anything yet. When he looked up again Cas was looking right back at him. He seemed a bit confused as to what Dean was doing, but smiled anyway.

“Hello Dean.” Dean almost started to cry then and there. It had only been a few weeks since he last heard those words, but god had he missed it. The deep rumble of his voice, the earnest yet benevolent blue eyes, that posture which looked both relaxed and tense at the same time. The trench coat was missing, but Dean quickly spotted it hanging over the back of a chair.

Dean cleared his throat. “Hey Cas.” He paused. He was certain there had been more words in his head just a second ago. Cas tilted his head curiously, but without insistence. Dean was pretty sure that Cas knew what he had come to talk about and that the angel didn’t want to pressure him.

“Cas”, he said his name again: “We have to-” He closed his eyes and sighed. “We should talk.” He hesitated again, not knowing where he should start. Maybe addressing the smallest issue first might be a good idea. “I didn’t wanna say anything earlier. Sam was there and Jack and I haven’t told them… They don’t know what happened with the empty. Not the details at least and you just got back and to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know for sure.”

“It’s okay”, Cas said softly and put the book down on the nightstand: “I already told you, I never expected a response. You don’t have to say anything. I mean, I know it was a lot and very sudden and you don’t feel the same way, that’s alright-”

“Cas, I mean this in the kindest way possible, but please shut up.” Cas’ mouth snapped closed and he frowned. “Shit, I’m sorry. Sorry, it’s just-. You said a lot of things while summoning the empty. And you’re right, it was a lot and very sudden. I barely got a word in edgewise and then when you finished your speech and the empty-” He stopped again, his throat feeling unusually tight.

“You were gone, Cas. I barely had the time to process anything of what you were saying, much less come up with something myself. I just know that suddenly you were gone and I was left alone with that declaration of love - which apparently you feel for me. And I know you did all of that to save me, save the universe or whatever, but honestly. You can’t just drop all of that on someone and then leave!” He looked over at Cas again who wouldn’t meet his eyes and seemed more agitated by the second. He wanted to move on before he lost his courage, but Cas was faster.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I realise now that that wasn’t completely fair on you. I just didn’t see another way. We were about to die and I could not let that happen to you. I’m sorry that I burdened you with all of this and you should know that you don’t owe me anything. It just needed to be said and I am aware that – how did I put it? It’s something I know I can’t have. I never should’ve-”

“For fuck’s sake”, Dean muttered and rubbed his face: “Cas. You had your time, you’ve said your part. It’s my turn with the chick flick moment and this would be a lot easier if you would just let me finish, capiche?”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes. Yes,  I uh. I “capiche”.” Cas sat up straighter as if to get up. That was when Dean realised he was still standing in the middle of the room like a lost sheep. He motioned for Cas to remain seated and looked around the room. The chair with the trench coat was still there, but Dean doubted he could get another two coherent words out while face to face with Cas, so instead he sat down on the edge of the bed. He carefully adjusted his position so that Cas was sitting a few feet to his right. He could smell the familiar scent of the angel now. Great, just what he needed. Another distraction. Well at least Cas was no longer in his line of sight, maybe he could do this.

“I probably shouldn’t yell and curse that much. I’m trying to say something important here and I wanna do it right. I wanna do right by you after everything you’ve done for me. You deserve that. I’m just really, really not good at this, so. Be patient with me.” He looked at Cas once more for confirmation and he nodded. Dean took another deep breath and stared at his hands. No backing out of this now, Winchester.

“Cas, I need to be honest here. Before the empty took you, the thought of you and me together as something other than best friends never even crossed my mind. You’re an angel and I’m, well, I’m me. I never thought that I would ever have somebody like you in my life at all. It had been just Sam and me for such a long time. And sure he’s my brother, I love that nerd. But to have somebody else, somebody who I wasn’t responsible for, who I could count on without being related to them by blood – that was new for me. I never had a real friend like that before. We spent so much time together and we’ve been through so much. I know I took you for granted way too often, but I always considered myself lucky to have you in my corner. And I thought… Well, I just assumed that you felt the exact same way.       But then you summoned the empty and said all that stuff about me and at first I couldn’t process any of what had happened, it was just not right. Then after a few hours of at least trying to understand I just pushed it all away because there was no time. We still had Chuck to take care of. Save the universe and all that. Eventually Sam and I returned to the bunker though. He reunited with Eileen and with Jack gone, it was just me for a few days. I’m not proud of this, but I really didn’t take it very well. I kept myself busy drinking most of the time, I lost track of time. It didn’t really matter to me if it was 3 am or 3 pm as long as there was some kind of alcohol nearby. I don’t think I ever told you this, but you are one of the three most important people in my life, Cas, and I lost you.       So I settled into the depression phase quite well. No denying that. And then the anger came and I would just pace the bunker for hours asking myself why the hell it had to be this way and why on top of losing you I also had to deal with the romantic feelings my dead best friend had had for me and I felt even more guilty. It didn’t make sense and it wasn’t fair. At some point Sam and Eileen came back though, so I at least tried to get better. They deserved to be happy without having to worry about me. I stopped the day-drinking. Got sober, more or less. That was when I started to really think about what you said.       You mentioned it earlier. How “the one thing you wanted was something you knew you couldn’t have”. I started to wonder what exactly you meant by that. Did you want us to be a couple? Boyfriends? Live that apple pie life? Or would we have kept hunting, living our lives together Bonnie and Clyde style? Did you want us to raise Jack together and have family dinners on sundays? Hand holding in the park, making out in the back of the theatre? I don’t know. On the one hand I couldn’t imagine it. On the other hand I couldn’t stop thinking about it either. I became almost obsessed with the idea and it took me along time to truly figure this out.       I had trouble picturing it in my head because, for one, I had never thought about it before. That maybe there was a possibility to relabel our relationship. Not because you’re a guy. Well, angel, but you know what I mean. It may come as a shock for you, but I’ve actually known for a while – and believe me, I mean a while – that I’m not straight. The way I was brought up though… It was barely acceptable to fuck a guy here and there, but dating one? That was unheard of. So on those rare occasions when I thought about settling down I always saw myself doing that with a woman and I never told anyone about the men I met along the way.       Stupid, I know, but that’s how the story is supposed to go, right? Boy meets girl, et cetera. I know that gender works differently for you angels, but you look like a man and we call you “he” and “him”. I guess that threw me off. But still, I couldn’t stop thinking about us and I think that’s what really broke me at last.       Because the more I thought about all the possibilities and the things that might’ve been, the more I also realised what I had lost. You said a lot of good things, but there is one detail you were wrong about, Cas. That “it” you thought you could never have? I don’t care what it is. I don’t care what exactly you had in mind. Cas, whatever it is you imagined – I want it. Maybe I always have. You – you can have me.”  

Finally, Dean dared to look up again. He had tried to keep it together during his little speech, but now he could feel the tears burning behind his eyes and his heart hammering in his chest. Cas didn’t seem to fare much better. His eyes were glazed over and his bottom lip trembled.

“Dean”, Cas forced out. He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out. Dean felt his heart break a little at Cas’ pained expression and he noticed his hands were trembling. He got up from the bed to kneel in front of Cas and carefully took his hands in his own. Cas held on to Dean as if he were his anchor. He seemed so overwhelmed, lost even. Dean began to wonder if he had said too much.

“Listen, Cas. If – if you changed your mind. If this is no longer what you want-” He didn’t get any further. Suddenly Cas was kissing him and it was like a dam had broken. 12 years of repressed feelings and tension finally unloaded. Dean closed his eyes and kissed him back like his life depended on it. Maybe it did. Cas saying goodbye had felt like dying. Losing him was hell.

But now, in this very moment with Cas’ lips on his and his hands in Dean’s hair he felt alive, so alive and Cas was too. He was here with him and maybe they could just stay right here for ever. Maybe they would fall asleep in each others’ arms and sleep well past noon, they deserved the rest. Maybe he’d have to awkwardly come out to his brother the following morning and maybe he and Cas would have to discuss what this meant for their future. But none of that mattered to Dean right now. All that mattered was that they had a future. And let’s be real: It is kind of hard to think of anything else when an angel of the lord is kissing you senseless with his hands under your shirt.

[thefandomsinhalor]

Title: Let Your Heart Be Light

Author: thefandomsinhalor

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Castiel/ Dean Winchester

Alternate Universe - Modern Settings | Friends to Lovers | Growing Up | Christmas Fic | Kid Fic | Teenagers | Adults | Fluff & Angst | Pining | Sam and Dean are closer in age | Background Sabriel |

Summary:

On Christmas Eve, five-year-old Dean meets a boy of the same age, named Castiel. With every passing year, their friendship blossoms, and soon, Dean knows that he is drawn to his friend more deeply he’d like to admit. 

The question is: will he do something about it before it’s too late?

Read on AO3 

(I will update throughout the month)

Read Chapter One below :)

Chapter One: Thursday, December 24th, 1998

“Dean, honey, what do we say?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome! Ho-ho-ho!”

The man pretending to be Santa Claus amicably bopped Dean’s head before walking away to the next couple of children standing by, awaiting their present.

Yes, Dean Winchester, despite being five-year-old, wasn’t fooled by this imposter. He knew this man couldn’t possibly be the real one.

It was quite simple, really. It was late afternoon, he hadn’t climbed down the chimney, nor had he any cookie or milk laid out for him.

And then, there was the gift in question.

Dean didn’t want to seem ungrateful, as he knew his mother wouldn’t like it, but he had been very specific in his letter to Santa.

And there was no way this flat, though large, box contained the very intricate race track set he had begged for.

But that was fine. As he had concluded, this man wasn’t Santa. He was just pretending. Like the one at the mall. Or the one near the video store.

No. The real Santa was yet to come.

“Don’t you want to know what you got?” his father asked him.

Glancing around him, Dean realized that nearly every child had already torn open the wrappings and were enjoying their Christmas surprises. Fire trucks. Coloring books. Dolls and soldier toys. Even Sammy, sitting on his mother’s lap, was hugging a cute teddy bear.  

Feeling the stare of both his parents on him, Dean began tearing off the metallic blue and silver wrapping, which had snowflakes of various shapes on it, and was left staring at his present, puzzled once he had opened the box.

He had no idea what he was looking at. It was a thin layer of material, of a bright yellow color, with adorable bees depicted on it, stretched across a wooden frame, and a string attached to it.

“Oooh, that’s nice,” said Mary gleefully.

Noticing his confused state, John asked him, “Do you know what this is, Dean?”

Frowning, he shook his head at his father.

“It’s a kite,” he said kindly. “You make it fly.”

Dean lowered his eyes to look at his present again.

“Like in Mary Poppins,” said Mary. “You remember?”

He nodded.

“Next time we go to the park,” said John, “we’ll try it. Or even when we visit Uncle Bobby. He certainly has the open fields around his house for it.”

A grown-up, one of many present swarming around in the house, then called out to Dean’s parents. It was a nice lady named Tamara who smiled at Dean and wished him Merry Christmas.

“Isaac is somewhere in the parlor talking with Rufus and Bill Harvelle. They were asking for you, John,” she said to Dean’s father.

“Bill?” said Mary. “Did he and Ellen bring little Joanna with them?”

“That’s what he said. I was just on my way to find them.”

Keeping Sam in her arms, Mary stood up from her seat, scanning the room for her friend.

“I’ll go check on Isaac and the others, and then I’ll catch up with you to see Ellen and the baby,” said John, smiling at his wife’s eagerness to see the newborn. He then turned to his son. “Do you want to say hello with me, Dean? Or would you prefer going with Mom, Sammy and Tamara?”

Dean shrugged. Talking to grown-ups wasn’t exactly what he considered a thrilling activity. Of course, there were exceptions.

Due to his lack of enthusiasm, however, his mother then suggested, “How about you stay here with the other children?”

Another questionable prospect, thought Dean.

Most of the kids in the living room, laughing and playing with their new toys, seemed much older than he was.

And more importantly, he didn’t really know any of them.

The celebration, which Dean and his family were taking part in that day, had been hosted by Mr. Donatello Redfield, one of Dean’s neighbors.

Except for when John had raked his lawn in the fall, a task dutifully assisted by Dean—though he had mainly played in the pile of dead leaves while his father had done most of the work—Dean hadn’t had much interaction with Mr. Redfield.

He remembered that he had been very generous at Halloween when he and Sam had stopped by his house. Mr. Redfield had given them enormous delicious candy bars. And Dean also recalled him letting him taste his spicy chicken wings on the Fourth of July, in the previous summer.

But nothing much beyond that, and especially during Christmastime. For reasons unknown to Dean, Mr. Redfield didn’t make a fuss of the holidays. He typically travelled somewhere exotic and returned home in the new year with a sunburn on his nose.

This year, however, had been different. For health-related reasons, or so Dean had heard, Mr. Redfield had been recommended to pause his travels, and given his holiday habits, many of his concerned neighbors feared he would feel lonely and had wanted to keep him company.

So, due to numerous dotting neighbors, friends and colleagues showing up at his doorstep throughout the months of November and December, Mr. Redfield had decided to host a Christmas family-friendly party on Christmas Eve to thank everyone.

His first ever.

The crowd was merry. Laughter and cheers from children and adults alike filled the entire house.

But despite the jolly vibe in the air and the numerous children present, Dean hadn’t been too keen on exploring on his own.

When he told his parents why that was, his mother said, “That’s a good thing, sweetie. It means you can make a new friend. Okay?”

Assessing his mild hesitation, after he had glanced apprehensively at the other children, she pointed out that he had nothing to worry about and that if he was shy, he could start by joining another of their neighbors. For example, Mrs. Missouri, a kind and generous woman, was comfortably sitting in a rocking chair, telling a story to a few children gathering around her, and listening with attention and with wide eyes, near the fireplace.

Suddenly determined to prove that he was not shy, Dean shook his head and said, “I’ll go play with the others, first.”

Even if he really wanted to say hello to Missouri as well.

“Alright, buddy. Do you want me to hold this for you while you do that?” said his father, pointing at his kite, but Dean expressed that he wanted to keep it with him.

And without further ado, young Dean turned on his heels and joined the group of children, searching for a new friend.

He was briefly tempted to approach a joyous girl with a blond ponytail and a sheriff’s hat that was too big for her. She was laughing with her friend who had a very strange haircut. His hair was very short in the front, but really long in the back. They were playing Connect Four, which Dean enjoyed playing.

He changed his mind, however, when a bunch of older children swooped by, running around, taking a lot of space.

Feeling somewhat intimidated by them, Dean briefly glimpsed back to the spot where his parents and his brother had been a moment ago.

But they were no longer present, as he knew they wouldn’t be.

He swallowed hard and decided to go near the large window across the room to avoid the bigger kids. He kneeled next to the Christmas tree, taking in the overwhelming scent of pine and cinnamon, and observed the room from this new angle, holding on tightly to his kite.

Everyone else seemed to know each other and blissfully occupied themselves with their toys.

Which made sense, thought Dean, as their toys could be enjoyed in their current environment.

Unlike Dean’s.

“Hello.”

Dean looked up.

A boy his age and height, with bright blue eyes and thick, wavy dark hair, was suddenly standing right in front of him. He was wearing a green knitted sweater with an angel on it and his socks were different colors.

“Hi.”

“Do you want one?” the boy asked politely.

He was holding a square box against him with one hand.

And then, Dean’s eyes fell on what the boy was presenting him with his other hand.

Star-shaped sugar cookies.

“For me?”

The boy nodded.

After Dean accepted his generous offer, the boy sat next to him and they both ate their treats next to each other.

“What did you get?” he asked Dean, nodding at what he was holding.

Pursing his lips, Dean showed him his kite. Expecting the boy to be as disappointed as he was, he was then stunned to see the boy’s eyes widen.

“You’re so lucky,” he told him.

“You think so?”

“I like bees,” he said, after nodding. “And kites are fun.”

“I’ve never had one before.” Eyeing the box that the boy had rested next to him, he said, “What’s yours?”

And the boy slid himself closer to Dean to show him.

Right next to him.

They delicately opened the box together.

And to Dean’s delight, the boy retrieved a giant rainbow slinky.

“Whoa! That’s so cool. Can we play with it?”

“You like it?”

His eyes glued to it in adoration, Dean nodded.

“Do you want it?”

Young Dean blinked. “What?”

“We can exchange, if you want.”

“Really?”

And moments later, both boys were content with their new presents. Dean certainly believed that he had gotten the better end of that deal. At that thought, a mild pit grew in his stomach, not unlike when he sometimes lied to his mother about brushing his teeth.

Feeling uneasy that he had perhaps taken advantage of his new friend’s generosity, he asked him, “Are you sure you don’t want the slinky? It’s really fun and the colours are nice. It was yours first. I—if you changed your mind, it’s okay.”

But the adorable boy in question did not mind. In fact, he informed Dean that the main reason why he was so keen on having the kite was because his brother had one of his own. So now, he would be able to accompany him to the park without having to constantly ask him to share.

Reassured—not to mention, very glad to know he could keep his rainbow slinky—Dean said, “I have a brother too. He’s younger than me.”

“I have more than one brother. I have three. They’re all older than me.” The boy hadn’t said it with as much enthusiasm as Dean had. His brief morose expression disappeared though, and a warm grin spread on his face when his eyes met Dean’s.

His bright blue eyes staring back at him.

“What’s your name? I’m—” started saying the other boy, but he was cut off by an impeccably dressed teenager, who had stopped right in front of them.

“Castiel, there you are. Come, now. We have to go.”

Dean’s new friend shook his head vehemently at the teen. “No. I want—I just made a friend. Can I stay a little longer? Please?”

“Aunt Naomi said we have to leave now or we’ll be late.”

“Michael, please? I’ll—”

“She asked me to find you. I found you, now come on.”

“Michael,” hissed a woman. “It’s time to go—Gabe, stop! You’re making me dizzy.”

A child with sandy hair, not much older than Dean and Castiel, was running relentlessly around her, chortling and unspent.

“Castiel, say goodbye.” And his brother presented him his hand, signalling to him that he had to leave immediately.

He turned facing Dean and said softly, “Goodbye.” And added, waving at him, “Thank you for the kite. I love it.”

“Bye.” And Dean thanked him as well.

He watched his new friend walk away towards his family members, a large group, mostly consisting of older kids and adults, and disappeared through the crowd.

Feeling lonely once more, Dean was suddenly sad when he realized that he never had the chance to tell him his name.

He comforted himself, however, that he had caught the boy’s name and was eager to tell his parents of his new friend and the very first Christmas present he had ever received from a friend.

And that was the day Dean had met his best friend Castiel Novak. His best friend of many years to come. And one day, perhaps, something more.

Read on AO3

(where I will update throughout the rest of the month)

[johanna-swann]

Whatever You Imagined

It’s here, it’s queer. My Supernatural oneshot. Read below the cut.

Characters: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester (mentioned), Jack Kline (mentioned)

Pairing: Destiel, Saileen (mentioned)

Rating: T (there may be a few f-bombs though)

Warnings: None

Summary: Jack saved Cas from the empty. Which is great because Cas, whom he loves, is alive and well. It also means Dean has to talk about his feelings though which he hates.

Words: 3k

It had gotten quiet in the bunker despite the relatively early hour. Dean was the only one still sitting in the kitchen, mindlessly staring at his phone and taking a sip of beer every now and then. It was more a force of habit than an honest attempt to get drunk though. Why would it be? Everything seemed to be perfect. That's why he was sitting alone in the kitchen at 9 pm after all. Because everything was so fucking perfect. Not to say that he wasn't happy with the very recent turn of events. In fact he was still brimming with excitement, at least on the inside.

Cas was back. After Jack had taken on the powers of capital-g God and skipped town to “be” in the flowers or whatever Dean had hoped of course. Hoped and prayed and cursed the whole freaking universe, but he had never gotten an answer until without any kind of warning and completely out of the blue Jack showed back up on the bunker's doorstep with a certain angel of the lord in tow.

Sam had immediately surged forward to hug Cas and their wayward son and there had been laughter and tears from all three of them. Everyone except Dean who had felt frozen in place, his mind trapped in a never-ending loop of “CasCasCas”. That had seemed to be the maximum capacity for his slightly hung-over head, so he had just stared at his best friend without any specific expression. They had hugged eventually and Dean was pretty sure that, like the fucking idiot he was, he had said something along the lines of: “Good to have you back buddy.”, as if the last time they had seen each other the angel hadn't declared his undying love for him.

Cas' face had gone through a rather confusing sequence of different emotions before it eventually settled on a worn, bittersweet smile and his lips formed the words: “Glad to be back.”

Half a minute of awkward silence later Sam had taken charge of the situation and guided them all down to the dining room where Jack had presented them with a detailed, animated version of their otherworldly prison break which somehow involved a backdoor between heaven and the empty that was hidden in Abel's (yes,the Abel) heaven, but to be completely honest Dean had spent more time staring at Cas or – the other way around – avoiding Cas' stares than listening to Jack.

After Jack had finished his story Dean had gotten started on making dinner for the sole purpose of escaping whatever awkward staring contest he and Cas had been about to get into. They obviously had to talk to each other sooner or later, but just the thought of starting that conversation had almost sent Dean into an anxiety attack. Hence his escape to the kitchen.

The awkwardness had stretched all over dinner and even Sam and Jack had noticed by the time the clock struck seven. At some point Jack had left to get Cas settled into his old room and shortly after that Sam, too, had decided to call it a night and with one more curious look at him he had left Dean to sulk on his own.

And that's how Dean found himself still sitting in the exact same position over an hour later. Logically he new that he should go talk to Cas. It wasn't fair on either of them to just leave this topic unaddressed, but once again Dean found himself unable to move. Maybe Cas was exhausted, he should let him rest. Or maybe he didn't even want to talk to Dean, maybe he was angry. Cas had put his feelings out there and Dean… well. Dean hadn't really said or done anything.

The anger might've been unjustified, but at least it shook him out of his interior monologue. He pocketed his phone, set the empty beer bottle down in the kitchen and made his way towards his room. When he passed Cas' door on the hallway though he stopped out of reflex. Staring at the brown wood he thought back to that day with Billie and the empty and to the time before that with Lucifer and how every single time he lost Cas it had sent him head first into a several weeks long downwards spiral. Now Cas was right behind that door and Dean still wouldn't talk to him, shoving his feelings aside yet again. Because that usually worked out so well. Fuck. “Just grow a pair and do it!”, he reprimanded himself and before he could change his mind again, Dean had already knocked.

Half of him feared that he might have messed up their bond permanently, but he other half doubted that Cas would hold his silence against him. Everything had happened so fast and Cas had left him with a lot of info to emotionally unpack. If anything, Dean thought, he should be angry. What had Cas been thinking unloading all of that on Dean and then just leaving him there!

“Come in!” Cas' voice sounded muffled through the wood. He took one last deep breath and then did as he was told. Cas was sitting cross-legged on his bed reading a book. Dean shot him a quick smile, then looked away and closed the door behind him. This was a private conversation. He walked a few steps into the room, then came to a hesitant halt, wringing his hands. Fuck this was hard. He hadn't even said anything yet. When he looked up again Cas was looking right back at him. He seemed a bit confused as to what Dean was doing, but smiled anyway.

“Hello Dean.” Dean almost started to cry then and there. It had only been a few weeks since he last heard those words, but god had he missed it. The deep rumble of his voice, the earnest yet benevolent blue eyes, that posture which looked both relaxed and tense at the same time. The trench coat was missing, but Dean quickly spotted it hanging over the back of a chair.

Dean cleared his throat. “Hey Cas.” He paused. He was certain there had been more words in his head just a second ago. Cas tilted his head curiously, but without insistence. Dean was pretty sure that Cas knew what he had come to talk about and that the angel didn't want to pressure him.

“Cas”, he said his name again: “We have to-” He closed his eyes and sighed. “We should talk.” He hesitated again, not knowing where he should start. Maybe addressing the smallest issue first might be a good idea. “I didn't wanna say anything earlier. Sam was there and Jack and I haven't told them… They don't know what happened with the empty. Not the details at least and you just got back and to be honest, I didn't know what to say. I still don't know for sure.”

“It's okay”, Cas said softly and put the book down on the nightstand: “I already told you, I never expected a response. You don't have to say anything. I mean, I know it was a lot and very sudden and you don't feel the same way, that's alright-”

“Cas, I mean this in the kindest way possible, but please shut up.” Cas' mouth snapped closed and he frowned. “Shit, I'm sorry. Sorry, it's just-. You said a lot of things while summoning the empty. And you're right, it was a lot and very sudden. I barely got a word in edgewise and then when you finished your speech and the empty-” He stopped again, his throat feeling unusually tight.

“You were gone, Cas. I barely had the time to process anything of what you were saying, much less come up with something myself. I just know that suddenly you were gone and I was left alone with that declaration of love which apparently you feel for me. And I know you did all of that to save me, save the universe or whatever, but honestly. You can't just drop all of that on someone and then leave!” He looked over at Cas again who wouldn't meet his eyes and seemed more agitated by the second. He wanted to move on before he lost his courage, but Cas was faster.

“I'm sorry, Dean. I realise now that that wasn't completely fair on you. I just didn't see another way. We were about to die and I could not let that happen to you. I'm sorry that I burdened you with all of this and you should know that you don't owe me anything. It just needed to be said and I am aware that – how did I put it? It's something I know I can't have. I never should've-”

“For fuck's sake”, Dean muttered and rubbed his face: “Cas. You had your time, you've said your part. It's my turn with the chick flick moment and this would be a lot easier if you would just let me finish, capiche?”

He nodded eagerly. “Yes. Yes,  I uh. I “capiche”.” Cas sat up straighter as if to get up. That was when Dean realised he was still standing in the middle of the room like a lost sheep. He motioned for Cas to remain seated and looked around the room. The chair with the trench coat was still there, but Dean doubted he could get even two coherent words out while face to face with Cas, so instead he sat down on the edge of the bed. He carefully adjusted his position so that Cas was sitting a few feet to his right. He could smell the familiar scent of the angel now. Great, just what he needed. Another distraction. Well at least Cas was no longer in his line of sight, maybe he could do this.

“I probably shouldn't yell and curse that much. I'm trying to say something important here and I wanna do it right. I wanna do right by you after everything you've done for me. You deserve that. I'm just really, really not good at this, so. Be patient with me.” He looked at Cas once more for confirmation and he nodded. Dean took another deep breath and stared at his hands. No backing out of this now, Winchester.

“Cas, I need to be honest here. Before the empty took you, the thought of you and me together as something other than best friends never even crossed my mind. You're an angel and I'm, well, I'm me. I never thought that I would ever have somebody like you in my life at all. It had been just Sam and me for such a long time. And sure he's my brother, I love that nerd. But to have somebody else, somebody who I wasn't responsible for, who I could count on without being related to them by blood – that was new for me. I never had a real friend like that before. We spent so much time together and we've been through so much. I know I took you for granted way too often, but I always considered myself lucky to have you in my corner. And I thought... Well, I just assumed that you felt the exact same way.

But then you summoned the empty and said all that stuff about me and at first I couldn't process any of what had happened, it was just not right. Then after a few hours of at least trying to understand I just pushed it all away because there was no time. We still had Chuck to take care of. Eventually Sam and I returned to the bunker though. He reunited with Eileen and with Jack gone, it was just me for a few days. I'm not proud of this, but I really didn't take it very well. I kept myself busy drinking most of the time, I lost track of time. It didn't really matter to me if it was 3 am or pm as long as there was some kind of alcohol nearby. You are one of the two most important people in my life, Cas, and I lost you.

So I settled into the depression phase quite well. No denying that. And then the anger came and I would just pace the bunker for hours asking myself why the hell it had to be this way and why on top of losing you I also had to deal with the romantic feelings my dead best friend had had for me and I felt even more guilty. It didn't make sense and it wasn't fair. At some point Sam and Eileen came back though, so I at least tried to get better. They deserved to be happy without having to worry about me. I got sober, more or less. That was when I started to really think about what you said.

You mentioned it earlier. How “the one thing you wanted was something you knew you couldn't have”. I started to wonder what exactly you meant by that. Did you want us to be a couple? Boyfriends? Live that apple pie life? Or would we have kept hunting, living our lives together Bonnie and Clyde style? Did you want us to raise Jack together and have family dinners? Hand holding in the park, making out in the back of the theater? I don't know. On the one hand I couldn't imagine it. On the other hand I couldn't stop thinking about it. I became almost obsessed with the idea and it took me along time to truly figure this out.

I had trouble picturing it in my head because, for one, I had never thought about it before. That maybe there was a possibility to relabel our relationship. Now the next part may come as a shock for you, but I've actually known for a while – and believe me, I mean a while – that I'm not straight. The way I was brought up though... It was barely acceptable to fuck a guy here and there, but dating one? That was unheard of. So on those rare occasions when I thought about settling down I always saw myself doing that with a woman and I never told anyone about the men I met along the way.

Stupid, I know, but that's how the story is supposed to go, right? Boy meets girl, et cetera. I know that gender works differently for you angels, but you look like a man and we call you “he” and “him”. I guess that threw me off. But still, I couldn't stop thinking about it and I think that's what really broke me at last.

Because the more I thought about all the possibilities and the things that might've been, the more I also realised what I had lost. You said a lot of good things, but there is one detail you were wrong about, Cas. That “it” you thought you could never have? I don't care what it is. I don't care what exactly you had in mind. Cas, whatever it is you imagined – I want it, maybe I always have. You  – you can have me.”

Finally, Dean dared to look up again. He had tried to keep it together during his little speech, but now he could feel the tears burning behind his eyes and his heart hammering in his chest. Cas didn't seem to fare much better. His eyes were glazed over with unshed tears and his bottom lip trembled.

“Dean”, Cas forced out. He opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out. Dean felt his heart break a little at Cas' pained expression and he noticed his hands were trembling. He got up from the bed to kneel in front of Cas and carefully took his hands in his own. Cas held on to Dean as if he were his anchor. He seemed so overwhelmed, lost even. Dean began to wonder if he had said too much.

“Listen, Cas. If – if you changed your mind. If this is no longer what you want-” He didn't get any further. Suddenly Cas was kissing him and it was like a dam had broken. 12 years of repressed feelings and tension finally unloaded. Dean closed his eyes and kissed him back like his life depended on it. Maybe it did. Cas saying goodbye had felt like dying. Losing him was hell.

But now, in this very moment with Cas' lips on his and his hands in Dean's hair he felt alive, so alive and Cas was too. He was here with him and maybe they would just stay right here for hours. Maybe they would fall asleep in each others' arms and sleep well past noon, they deserved the rest. Maybe he'd have to awkwardly come out to his brother the following morning and maybe he and Cas would have to discuss what this meant for their future. But none of that mattered to Dean right now. All that mattered was that they had a future. And let's be real: It is kind of hard to think of anything else when an angel of the lord has his hands under your shirt while kissing you senseless.

[fanfic-corner]

Slow Burn

You ever want to read a fic that is probably as long (or longer) than a book series, but not have the main love interests kiss until chapter 300? Then you probably have some issues, but I'm not a therapist, so here we go.

Stand By Me by whelvenwings on AO3. (31,252 words).

Tags: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Post-Apocalypse, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, Slow Dancing, Smut, First Kiss, Canon-Typical Violence, Touch-Starved Dean, Love Confessions.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean Winchester has been alone for a long, long time. When he and Castiel happen to find each other - a couple of survivors in a world that’s been all but wiped clean - Dean’s looking for his brother; Castiel is looking for something to look for. They stick together, because neither of them much wants to be alone. They hate each other at first, of course. Dean hates Castiel for being weird and quiet and ironic and antagonistic and proud. Castiel hates Dean for being blunt and reckless and coarse, for drinking, for refusing to talk about how he feels and just pretending everything is fine. Most of all, they hate themselves and each other just for being alive. What right do they have to be alive? No one else seems to be. But against his own will, Dean starts to notice things about Castiel that he likes. Starts to hope that Castiel might like him, too. And together, they start to fight for a world where they're both alive - and that's a good thing.

Notes: One of the first fics I ever read, and one of my faves! The ending was slightly unsatisfying, but not so much that I would drop a star.

Angel's Wild by LimonadeGaby and riseofthefallenone on AO3. (389,271 words).

Tags: Alternate Universe, Wingfic, Hurt/Comfort, Wing Kink, Slow Build, Slow Burn.

My Rating: 5 stars. (If I could give it more, I would).

Description: But that’s the whole reason he’s here, isn’t it? He’s not out here hunting Humans. He’s not even hunting deer, or bears, or anything else that featured in Bambi. He’s out here, freezing his nuts off every night, because he’s hunting Angels. Sometimes Dean wishes that Angels were like how they’re described in the Bible. How people from time too old for him to care much about thought Angels were messengers and warriors of God, protectors of Humans. He knows that how they’re really described in the Bible is actually pretty terrifying, but at least they were told by God that they’re supposed to love Humans, right? That’s a thousand times better than what Angels really turned out to be.

Notes: I would be lying if I said I didn’t read all these slow burn fics just so I could rec this. I would also be lying if I said this wasn’t my favourite fic of all time. The pining is so intense it is practically unbearable to read. Honestly, I don’t care if you think it is too long or it isn’t really your thing; I would rec this to anyone with ears. I will still be reccing this in Hell. It is absolutely phenomenal.

a turn of the earth by mishcollin on AO3. (95,274 words).

Tags: Time Travel, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, POV Dean Winchester, Alteration of s10 lore, Homophobic Language, Smut, Pining Dean, Preseries Dean, Mutual Pining.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run. Frigging fantastic.

Notes: An absolutely excellent plot, which is excellently written, and is somehow simultaneously angsty and adorable.

Forget-Me-Not Blues by noangelsinthegarrison on AO3. (68,689 words).

Tags: Romantic Comedy, Firefighter Dean, Professor Castiel, Weddings, Misunderstandings, High School AU, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean couldn’t be any happier for them. Honestly, they’re kind of disgustingly perfect for each other and Dean’s pretty damn excited about staying with them the week before the wedding. He’s Sam’s best man, of course, and he doesn’t even mind that Jess has her own best man to share in all the organisational duties. The more the merrier, right?Except Dean must have done something to epically piss off the universe because Jess’s best man just happens to be Castiel friggin’ Novak. He’s got even hotter since High School, but apparently no friendlier and if Cas wants to spend the week pretending like they’ve never met before? Fine. Two can play at that game.

Notes: Jesus Christ, I have not read a single fic which sums up exactly how stupid Dean and Cas can be sometimes. I loved it.

the cost of a thing by quiettewandering on AO3. (74,198 words).

Tags: Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Marriage, Human Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Touch-Starved Castiel, Mutual Pining, Jealous Dean Winchester, Slow Burn, Depressed Castiel, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Bed.

My Rating: 5 stars.

Description: 16 months ago, Cas became human.12 months ago, Cas left the bunker and a broken-hearted Dean behind. Now they must work a case together, where married couples are dying mysterious deaths and the only way to earn the neighbors' trust is by pretending to be married. Slowly, Dean finds that he loves being in a relationship with Cas, fake or not, and Cas finds his loneliness retreating, despite the harsh reality looming right around the corner. As Dean and Cas navigate this fake, but all too real, relationship, can they find the monster that is on a mysteriously motivated killing spree before it’s too late?

Notes: So cute! All the angst! My favourite trope! (So many exclamation marks!)

In All Your Borrowed Finery by vanishingact on AO3. (67,950 words).

Tags: Winged Dean Winchester, Winged Sam Winchester, Winged Castiel, Winged Gabriel, Spells & Enchantments, Hunters & Hunting, Case Fic, Harpies, Canon-Typical Violence, Major Character Injury, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor and Smut and Angst, Wingfic, Fanart. My Rating: 5 stars. Description: Dean finds an interesting symbol in Kevin's angel tablet notes and, against Sam's counselling, uses it in the heat of battle with a pair of angelic assassins. Side effects include pain, disorientation, and uncontrollable new appendages for the Winchesters. A disgruntled Castiel and a delighted Gabriel show up to help. Hunting (and life) gets interesting when wings are involved.  Notes: Okay this was literally adorable and you can not convince me otherwise. Every time I read a fic with everyone’s favourite archangel, I miss him just a bit more. (This fic is slightly more Sabriel than Destiel, but only by a little).

In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn't Elsewhere by RhymePhile on AO3. (33,953 words).

Tags: Modern Setting AU, Teenage AU, High Scool AU, Romance, Best Friends, First Love, First Kiss, Slow Build, Minor Violence, Bullying, Homophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Dean Winchester, Texas, Slow Burn, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, No Sex, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester are Raised Separately, Mary Winchester Lives, Artist Castiel, Nerd Castiel, Grieving Castiel, Jock Dean Winchester.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: It's 1995, and Castiel's high school years are destined to be difficult: home-schooled until eighth grade, he is awkward, shy, and socially inept. The weird kid with the funny name would rather isolate himself and draw in his sketchbook than deal with the constant bullying he faces every day. Things only get worse in his junior year when he excels in home economics class, leading the captain of the baseball team, Alastair, to start taunting him for being gay.Then new student Dean Winchester arrives at Flour Bluff High School, sharing many of Castiel's classes. Castiel has seen his type before -- handsome, athletic, arrogant, and sure to be the most popular kid in school. But Castiel eventually learns that he and Dean have more in common than he thought, and they form an unlikely friendship.

Notes: Pretty cute, and I did enjoy reading it. Not sure why like half the slow burn fics are set in a high school, but hey.

'Star Wars is Overrated' by leftdragonpainter on AO3. (38,186 words).

Tags: Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Pining, Drinking, Writer Castiel, Mechanic Dean, Neighbours, Swearing, Winchester Logic, Big Brother Gabriel, Clueless Dean, College Student Sam, Awkward Dates, Slow Burn, Injured Sam, Emotional Constipation, Angst, Confessions, Smut, Drunk Texting, Love Confessions, Temporary Amnesia, Angst and Humor.

My Rating: 4 stars.

Description: When Dean Winchester turned sixteen he was disappointed by the words that appeared on his chest. He never expected that it would take so much to find his soulmate. He never expected to not remember meeting them...

Notes: Every time I thought I knew what was gonna happen in this fic, something completely different happened. I think I have whiplash (but I love it!).

The Elysium High by EllenOfOz on AO3. (44,768 words).

Tags: Post-Apocalypse AU, Los Angeles, Dystopia AU, Angels are Dicks, Addict Sam Winchester, Recreational Drug Use, Witch Sam Winchester, Detective AU, Confused Castiel, Drugged Sex, Slow Burn, Cyborg Castiel.

My Rating: 3 stars.

Description: In the not-too-distant future, climate change has wreaked havoc on the city of Los Angeles. When sea levels rose, and the Los Angeles Basin began to flood regularly like many coastal areas around the world, the population of the city moved up, off the ground and into the scrapers. Many years later, the city is divided into three rough zones: the Topzone, where the very wealthy live in the sunlight; the Midzone, where those of the less-well-off population live amid the flying traffic, the smog and their coffee addictions; and the Groundzone, what's left at close to ground level—dim, grimy and occasionally very wet. Sam and Dean Winchester are drug investigators in the LAPD. During a bust, Dean is saved by Castiel, one of the mysterious Angels, the elite fighting unit of the LA City Council. When Castiel insists on taking Dean to Paradise because he says they have work for him, Dean has little choice but to go along. But when a new drug, “Elysium”, hits the scene, people all over the city start dying. The brothers and Castiel must work out where the drug is coming from and stop its spread before it's too late.

Notes: There was nothing wrong about this fic, it just wasn’t really my cup of tea. I found the fic that it reminded me of though; I Know A Place by whelvenwings. It is fairly similar, but in my opinion a tad better.

So there we go: slow burns! And if you’re thinking, ‘Lina, where are all the ridiculously long ones? I want them to have their first kiss 300 chapters in?’ just know that I do not have the patience or the time for that. Mostly the patience. Okay, maybe I avoided them because they make me want to smash my phone. Whatever. Another day, maybe.

[spnsmile]

Strike (My Heart)

SPNSTAYATHOME @pray4jensen​ @helianthus21​ @bend-me-shape-me​

Monday: Thunder

When Billie came to the Bunker, she found the couple pressed by the control panel in a messy tangle of heat skin, legs wrapped around naked waist and flushed faces— silence fell upon the earth.

Not a pin drop could be heard from the distracted couple who stares Death in the eyes. Death who didn’t bat an eyelid before pulling her eyes to survey the empty vicinity. When she looked back, Dean was making a face, certain now that Death wasn’t going anywhere. There’s a staring contest until Castiel nudges the hunter’s chin with his cheeks. They whisper at each other. Dean’s face contorting even more, then both stare at her again. When Billie didn’t disappear, a very annoyed hunter glares and says—

"Do you mind? Can't you see we're a little caught up here?"

Billie flickers impassive eyes to Castiel who quietly presses his lips and turns to hide his face on Dean's other shoulder, the tip of his ears red. Dean scowls at her. Next thing, the angel pushes Dean away and ducks to grab his discarded pants on the floor. Dean grumbles after him and follows suit.

Death ignores the sounds of belts and zippers around her until both are decent enough to face her untimely visit.

“I need to speak to Jack.” She says.

“Well, why don’t you pop up where he is and stop getting in other people’s way, how about that?” Dean says, clearly unforgiving. “There’s plenty of room in the house, right?”

“I told you this was not a proper place,” Castiel mutters, trying to pat away the wrinkles on his shirt where Dean’s hands had been. Dean moodily helps him with his tie while Billie’s eyes narrow at the two.

"I need you both to concentrate."

“No shit.” Dean arches an eyebrow. Castiel elbows him but too late. Billie transfixes Dean a cold stare and yes, when you’ve started two Deaths in the eyes it makes things a little cliché, so what makes this any different?

Except Death doesn’t discriminate. Wielding her scythe, she propels it to the floor with a flash and bang— a loud crack of thunder overhead and then she’s gone, leaving Dean taking steps back from Castiel, feeling the air around the angel zinging in a familiar way. He makes a move to approach Cas again but the angel, blue eyes striking and all, glares at him with jaws clenched.

“Don’t.”

Dean stares.

Shit.   What did Billie do?

“What do you mean you can’t touch Cas?” Sam demands later when he and Castiel figure out what happened.

“I mean it in every literal way, Sammy.” Dean smiles despite it all. Sam wasn't amused. The brothers are sitting by the library table while across them, Castiel and Jack are listening quietly. Dean catches Cas’ eyes and they both grimace at the space apart.

“So you mean, if you touch Cas— fuck you , stop grinning!”

“Let me  strike  you an example.” Dean stands up and heads to where Castiel is sitting. The angel sits straight and frowns when he sees the hunter approach him.

“Dean.” He warns in his gravelly voice.

“Don’t worry, Cas, let’s just show em—”

“I don’t think it’s safe—”

“Just hold out your hand, or a finger, okay?”

Castiel is obviously very much against it but he did. Sam and Jack watch as Dean raises one finger to touch the pad of Castiel’s hand. The instant he did, thunder rumbled in the walls of the Bunker and a strike that doesn’t appear to be physical seems to hit the hunter.

Strike 1.

Dean grimaces with all the hair in his body standing on ends. Sam gapes, Jack’s eyes are round while the angel squints at his boyfriend with an I-told-you-so expression.

“She made Cas— untouchable?” Sam guesses but there’s Jack patting Castiel’s shoulder and nothing happens. The Winchesters exchange looks, then there’s Sam stepping close to Castiel.

“Sam.” Is the only thing Castiel said but then Sam is also patting his shoulder and nothing happens.

That’s when all three eyes fall on Dean whose frown deepens, finally understanding Death’s curse. Even Castiel looks lost for a moment.

“What exactly did you do?” Sam asks suspiciously, though there’s an edge in his tone that suggests he knows exactly  what. “Dude, you’re an idiot. Do you really have to go piss off all the gods in this universe to make a point?”

“I didn’t know Billie was gonna make house-calls for her daily job. But more importantly, what are we gonna do now? How do we fix this?” he throws the question straight to Castiel. The two of them stare at each other, mutually trying to communicate how the hell they’re going to go around it.

“I think this is the part where they say,  ‘save yourself’ .” Castiel offers in the silence, a feat which everyone knows Dean sucks at.

***

By supper all the research and summon come fruitless so Cas and Dean are forced to stay away on corners of the kitchen table. It didn’t bother Sam and Jack because they can still approach Dean and Castiel without literally getting hit by lightning. It didn’t seem to bother Castiel too because the angel is immune to any lightning strike, leaving Dean a pile of rejection because Castiel won’t let him any nearer until they find a way to ‘ not get Dean hurt,’ .

“That’s bullshit!”

Castiel lets Dean get struck by lightning three strikes in a row. The fourth strike he tells Dean to fuck off where the man sulks in one corner not talking to anyone.

Dean is left to admire Cas from the side, sulk even as Castiel has fun with Sam and Jack on the table where Dean chose not to sit. Castiel glances his way when he is not preoccupied and stares, he gives Dean is apologetic and sad. There was nothing they could do less Dean embrace all the lightning strikes and claps of thunder— something Castiel would never approve of so they separated. For Dean’s sake.

Dean hates every second of it. There are times he can’t control it. Be it an accident or simply on purpose because Dean likes trying his luck.

Castiel knows what Dean was doing. It didn’t take him long to guess when Dean yet again tried standing behind him from the sink or when Dean extended his hand on the table with Castiel at the other end, indicating that Cas reached out too. The angel ignores him.

“I’m leaving for an indefinite period of time,” Castiel tells Sam one evening when at the last straw he escapes Dean’s arms when Dean tries to tackle him in the kitchen again, leaving the hunter shutting himself off in his room in frustration. “I can’t take this, Sam. Your brother just keeps throwing himself at me, if I stay here, he’ll eventually gets toasted—”

“Is that smarter?” Sam asks with a pointed look at the angel, “Cas, Dean’s been… dying to hold your hand. You think running away will hold him back?”

“I’m not sure anything can hold him back.” Castiel gives a shaky laugh. “I just want to protect him, Sam… even if it means pulling away…”

“So is the same song we sing every time we care too much, Cas. But at the end of it, Dean will be hurt. You’re just choosing another way for him to feel it.”

Castiel stays silent, Sam lets him. After a moment, he turns a somber look over the entrance to the corridors where his ears can pick up Dean’s sharp intake of breath.

“Must be hard to have a pain in the ass lover?” Sam’s smile is teasing. Castiel bows his head with a chuckle, before glancing up to meet Sam’s eyes.

“I’ll take Dean in any way.”

“Thank you, Cas… for always looking after Dean.”

“You know I’d do anything for him…but… why do you think Dean thinks he’s the only one desperate to touch?” the question leaves his mouth before he can stop himself. Sam gives him a small smile and like a real sympathizer, Sam grips his shoulder in a friendly gesture.

“Hang in there, Cas. You and Dean can get through this too.”

Castiel nods, trusting Sam’s words of wisdom.

Three days later and still no solution, Dean has had enough. He is painfully aware of the time that he isn’t holding Castiel or kissing his back, his shoulders, his lips too soft and plush—

Enough.

He chances Castiel along the corridor where the angel’s blue eyes flicker in familiarity, a smile upon his lips that quickly disappears when Dean walks straight to him and embraces him tightly.

A rumble comes—another crack of thunder. Followed by Castiel shouting Dean’s name in both stricken and exasperated tone.

Sam and Jack glance at each other from across the table in the library. Light nights strike again and more shouting. Sam shakes his head, giving up as he looks back at his research, sighing.

“Idiot.”

Inside the Dean Cave is a lightning show. Dean traps Castiel in by standing in front of the doorway with a determined look, his arms wide open like a goal-keeper in some frenzy soccer ball. Castiel stands at the end of the room with the couch and table between them.

“Stop it, Dean!” Castiel grates, blue eyes flashing. “You’re only going to hurt yourself!”

“I don’t care! Three days is long enough! A man’s gotta feed!”

“Feed—?”

“You!” Dean takes a step forward and every time he draws closer, the air around Dean spins.

“You’re being ridiculous! You know we can’t!”

“Oh, yes can ! Give up, Cas! Just come here and gimme a nice little squish!”

“Forget it, Dean! Why don’t you find someone else to scratch your itch!” Color leaves Castiel’s face the moment he says it. Dean grins.

“You want me hitting on some hot girl outside?”  

“If you’re that desperate!” Castiel growls. Dean’s eyes glints playfully.

“Fine.” He lowers his arms and stands straight. “I’m going then.”

Castiel falls silent with a flash of hurt in his eyes. Dean laughs and takes several steps to the distracted angel who finds himself immediately trapped with a wall behind him. Dean’s upon him the second he looks back. Damn hunter agility.

Still, his eyes are on Dean speaking volumes of uncertainties.

“You’re going, Dean?”

“Of course not, dummy. Come on, man! We’re not children to play who’s gonna be more mature, think we’ve done enough!”

Castiel bristles. “Stop it.”

“I want you!”

“You’ll hurt yourself!”

“It’s fine!”

“NO!”

“Cas— dammit, I’m already in pain—if I’m gonna die then at least let me kiss you one last time!”

“You’re not going to die, Dean, but I won’t let you get—"

They’re both being dramatic and silly but the cracking of thunder is unforgiving and lightning over Dean won’t stop striking. Castiel watches in horror as every bolt hits Dean solid—they haven’t figured out why the lightning seems both tolerable and painful for Dean at the same time The only truth Castiel knows is that every time Dean gets a strike, his whole body turns white to the point you don't need to be an angel to see through his body. Something about Dean burns.

It wasn’t a fun sight to see.

“Dean, let go!” Castiel shouts trying to pull away but won’t budge,  “DEAN! LET GO!”

"No!" Dean's arms trembles.

"Why are you doing this!?"  Castiel watches in terror.

"Don't play dumb, Cas! I know you want-- shit!"

"DEAN!"

Lightning dances in Castiel’s eyes and Dean gets toasted.

“NO!”

All the lightning bolts suddenly get siphoned by Jack who acts like a conductor. He draws all the lightning and rolls of thunder his way, consuming all the energy with hands clutching Dean’s shoulder until they go away.

Leaving Castiel with an unconscious Dean wrapped in his arms. He heals Dean at one embrace, keeps healing Dean just to make sure there was no damage on any of his organs or nerves. He kisses Dean too for good measure.

The warning roll of thunder never came. Dean remains safe in his arms so Castiel holds him closer, buries his fingers on Dean’s side. Jack helps him put Dean on the couch with the angel setting Dean’s head on his lap. There he strokes Dean’s soft hair quietly. Jack returns to tell Sam what happened and that everything’s okay.

Finally, Dean stirs. Castiel holds his breath as the familiar green eyes find his.

He strokes Dean’s cheeks and when the man opens his eyes, the angel beams from ear to ear.

“Hello, Dean.”

Dean takes Castiel’s face for a moment then smiles sleepily. He reaches for Castiel’s hand and pulls it to his lips. Castiel smiles warmly, butterflies in his stomach spinning like it’s been hit by a light bolt. That’s just it. They don’t need any thunder or lightning. They are enough.

“Can we kiss now?”

Castiel gives Dean the longest, sweetest kiss he can muster.

Dean Winchester yet again was able to strike home in the angel's little heart.

@verobatto-angelxhunter​ laaaatteeeee ;p

AO3

[dontcare77ghj]

Heart ii

Dean x reader x Cas

Notes; The whole white witch plot is borrowed from Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters.

Part 2 of 3

After Sam had forced Dean to admit the three of you were soulmates, Dean and Cas had sent Sam back to the motel so they could explain it all to you. 

As Cas had said, you were a white witch. This was further proven to you by the fact that in your shock of the whole conversation you’d dropped a coffee mug only for it to begin levitating before it hit the ground.

Dean had taken over explaining exactly why this coven wanted your heart. Once every thousand years the planets aligned and the term blue moon was not just an expression. Apparently if these witches, or demon whores as Dean so eloquently called them, could cut out your heart it would become an ingredient to a spell that would render witch killing bullets useless.

And then had come the conversation that you were most dreading. You needed an explanation on the soul mate thing. The two took turns explaining the whole situation, explaining it from both the points of view.

Dean recalled a conversation the two of you had had after a few drinks the night before.

“I said Cas was my soul mate but we had another and we were waiting for them. That’s the story.” He explained, leaning back.

Yeah, his explanation left little to be desired, but Cas was able to really explain it all to you.

Every angel was given a single soul mate when they were created. In the earlier years it was much more common to find them until rules against angel/human were introduced. After that angels rarely left heaven and already existing pairings were killed off.

“Cas here is a bit of rebel and a freak, that’s why he found me and there’s two of us.” Dean chuckled.

“That is not the reason.” Cas sighed.

With that the two of them explained how they met, and then gave an additional explanation as to how Dean died, and how you fit into their dynamic.

“You do have a choice here.” Dean told you. “You don’t have to accept us; you don’t have to think you’re stuck with us. You have a choice.”

When he said this, you sat there and mulled it over for a minute before you nodded.

“This is not me rejecting you. I accept that we’re bound together but I’ve been fucked over by people so many times that I have major trust issues. I don’t do relationships very well so can we please just take this slow?” You asked the two. Cas’s eyes lit up and Dean let out a chuckle.

“Sweetheart, you are definitely ours.”

After a couple more hours, Dean and Cas left to go pack up the motel and pick up Sam. It made more sense to have the three staying in your spare rooms while looking for the coven and so you could bond with your soul mates.

When the boys left you made a beeline to the kitchen but let out a sigh when you realized there was nothing to drink.

“I should’ve told them to pick up a six pack.” You sighed and made your way back to the bedroom.

It had been two weeks since the boys had sat you down and talked to you. The boys weren’t terrible houseguests and you did enjoy their company but there was a part of you that was incredibly annoyed they were there.

You didn’t believe in this shit. At least you didn’t use to. Honestly, before Cas’s eyes glowed that bright blue, you were just going to pretend to believe them. Sure, this as half out of not believing and half because of your own issues.

Dean was currently out getting groceries, the three didn’t particularly like you leaving the house alone, Cas was taking care of some angel business and Sam was typing away on his laptop at your kitchen table as you made some lunch for you and Sam.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find your birth mother? It could be my apology for wanting to kill you?” Sam asked, watching you move around the kitchen.

“Sam, we’ve been over this, I don’t blame you.” You said, shutting the oven door. “If I had been in your position and seen the evidence you had, I would assume it was me too. And no, I don’t want you to find her.”

“Can I ask why?”

“I already met my mother. And she was a wonderful, intelligent, woman, despite her choice of husband, and unfortunately, she passed recently. I won’t disrespect her memory by pretending she’s not my mother.” You smiled, stirring the pasta on the stove.

“I can respect that.” Sam said, continuing to type.

“Sam, can I ask you a favour?” You asked, not looking up from the cooking.

“Yeah, sure. What do you need?”

“Can you tell me a bit more about Dean and Cas? I want to get to know them from someone else’s point of view. You know, the stories they won’t tell me themselves.” You said, looking up from the meal shyly.

“So, you want the embarrassing stuff?” Sam clarified. You gave him a nod causing him to laugh. “Where to start?”

“We’re back.” Dean announced an hour later. He and Castiel entered the kitchen with a bag each to see you and Sam sitting at the table, eating your lunch.

“You two look happy.” Cas commented., setting his bag on the counter.

“Suspiciously happy.” Dean added, looking between the pair of you. “What lies has Sam been telling you, sweetheart?”

"I don't think he's told me anything untrue."

"Everything that comes out of that man's mouth is a lie."

“So you didn’t pull your pants down and yell, ‘Pudding’?” You smirked, standing and bringing your plate to the sink.

“It was for a case.” He defended himself.

“Of course, it was. Go, take a seat. Have some lunch and I’ll finish up.” You said, pushing him toward the table. “You too Cas, I know you don’t eat but you’re going to sit too.” You added, pointing to the table.

“You know we can put away a few groceries, right?” Dean asked as you handed him a plate.

“Yeah but you always put things in the wrong place.” You said, beginning to put your groceries in the correct spots.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. Milk doesn’t go in the cupboard.”

“She’s right.”

“You do the same thing back at the bunker.”

“You guys all suck.”

It was week three of living with the boys. In the past week they had come no closer to finding the coven but Cas had been attempting to teach you how to use your powers. You weren’t taking to his teaching very well and the best you had done was use it accidentally.

Sam had decided to go out for the day, leaving you and your soulmates alone in the house. The three of you were slowly growing closer and you found yourself very much liking being around them.

Sam had been gone for two hours. You were in your room reading when you heard footsteps approaching.

“Hey.” Dean started, knocking on your doorframe. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Nothing I can’t do another time.” You said, putting your book down. “What’s up?” You questioned him.

“Me and Cas were going to watch a movie, you want to join?” He quizzed you, leaning against the doorframe with a smile.

“You sure you don’t want some alone time?”

“Some alone time with our girl? Yes.” He smirked, making you chuckle.

“Then sure you cheese ball. I’ll join you.” You said, climbing off the bed. Dean wrapped an arm around your shoulders as he led you into the living room.

“Look who I found.” Dean announced to Cas who had taken his trench coat off and was sitting on the couch.

“I did say she would gladly join.” Cas said as you sat next to him.

“Yes, I know you’re always right angel.” Dean rolled his eyes sitting on your other side. “What did you pick?”

“Something called Ouija.” Cas answered, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Is this okay?”

“It’s fine, Cas.” You smiled as Dean took your hand in his and intertwined them. About half way into the movie you had to ask. “Please tell me this shit doesn’t actually happen.”

“Well the board itself works but that’s not how possession works.” Dean explained, making you sigh in relief. “You ever used one?”

“Oh God no.” You chuckled. “I never used to think that kind of stuff was real.”

“I guess we kind of destroyed your world view.” Castiel commented. “If not for us you would’ve continued on as normal.”

“If not for you I could be dead right now.” You shook your head. “It was happening all around me and I never even knew it.”

“That’s the point of what we do.” Dean said, squeezing your hand. “We don’t let the public know and keep them safe.”

“Except in this case you did tell me.” You teased.

“Yeah, well, special exception. You’re our soulmate and part of it, little miss White Witch.” He smiled, throwing his arm around the back of the couch. “That’s not how possession works!” Dean yelled at the scream twenty minutes later.

“It’s a movie, Dean. It’s not real.” Cas said, leaning his head back on the couch.

“It’s not even a good movie.” Dean grumbled. “I mean who writes these?”

“Wait to we get to the credits, then you can yell at them by name.” You smirked as Cas groaned.

“Don’t encourage him, please, Y/N.”

“Lighten up, Cas.” You said shifting so you faced him. “This is the best part of watching a bad movie. Mocking it.”

“See? She gets it.” Dean said, moving closer so you were sandwiched between them. “We won the soul mate lottery.”

“That is a statement I can agree with.” Cas agreed, shifting closer to you. “We are very lucky to have you.”

“You’re not going to say that when you really get to know me.” You chuckled bitterly.

“We could say the same about us sweetheart.” Dean informed you.

“There are many things about us that we are not proud of. There is many we have done that we regret. It doesn’t matter what any of us have done or the parts of us that are broken what matters is how we move forward and live our lives.” Cas told you.

“And that there is the angel, been alive for eons and knows better than all, talk.” Dean chuckled, reaching over and taking the man’s hand.

“We’re all broken, I think that’s why we were bound.”

“So, we’re a mess that the universe is rooting for?” You smiled, relaxing into the men’s embrace.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Dean said, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Is it too fast for me to ask to kiss you?” Cas suddenly asked. “You don’t have to say yes if it’s too fast.”

“It’s not too fast at all.” You breathed as he now leaned in incredibly close. You could almost feel his lips when he suddenly vanished without a word. “What the?”

“Cas?” Dean yelled, standing from the couch. Dean rushed towards the front windows before letting out a curse. “Y/N, come on!” He said, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the kitchen. “Take this and call Sam. Tell him they’re here. Go out the back.” He told you, shoving his phone into your hand and grabbing a knife from the counter.

“What about you?” You asked, moving towards the back door.

“Never mind about me just get out of here.” He said as the front door ripped open. “Go!” Following his directions, you shoved phone into your pants pocket, turned and rushed towards the back door. You hadn’t even made it to the door when it was shoved open and a woman stood in front of you.

“Ah ah ah.” She tutted, outstretching her hand towards you. With a sudden pressure on your neck you were raised from the ground and shoved into the wall behind you. “Where you going? The party’s just starting.” She smirked before smashing your head into the wall and the world turned black.

When you awoke it was to the moon light shining onto your face. You let out a quiet groan before jolting upright as you remembered the previous events. You glanced quickly around the small room, recognizing the room instantly before jumping up.

“Dean!” You exclaimed, noticing yournd across from you. You went to rush to his side only to be pulled back by chains wrapped around your wrists. “Dean, wake up. Come on Dean.” You begged, pulling on the chain.

A low groan escaped the man after you called his name several more times.

“Sweetheart?” He groaned, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. “Where are we?”

“Old jail on the edgxplore it on our weekends.” You smiled as he began to remember what happened.

“And we’re chained up.” He sighed, tugging on the chain attached to his ankle.

“Will Cas be able to find us?” You asked him, leaning against the wall.

“Unfortunately, probably not. Soul mates or not, they’ll have some serious cloaking going on.” Dean sighed.

“Oh, shit wait.” You said suddenly, reaching for Dean’s phone. “This place used to have reception; it should still have.” You finally managed to pull out the phone and tossed it to Dean who caught it easily.

“Ha ha. We have signal.” He smirked, rapidly typing out a text. “With any luck Sammy and Cas will get here before they cut your heart out.”

“Jesus do you have to say it like that?” You laughed nervously.

“Sorry sweetheart but you know we’re not going to let that happen, right? I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Dean, we’re both chained up in a cell. Neither of us can get out and I can’t grasp how to use my magic. I think we’re pretty fucked.” You sighed, sliding down onto the floor.

“When we get out of this, we’re going to work on your positivity. Cas’ll show you his beehives, that’ll cheer you up.” Dean said, making you laugh. “Seriously, Y/N, we’re going to be fine.”

“Promise?” You asked him meekly, wincing at your own tone.

“Swear on my life.” He smiled. “And when we get out of here, you want to maybe go on a date with us?”

“I can’t believe you’re making a move now.” You shook your head, grinning.

“I never waste an opportunity, sweetheart.” Dean smirked. “So, what do you say?”

“If we make it out of this alive, I’ll gladly go out with the pair of you.”

Before either of you could say another word, you could hear the loud click of high heels echo throughout the room. The two of you stood and watched as an older woman approached the cell.

“Sorry to have kept you waiting.” She grinned nastily. “It turns out there’s a lot of setting up to do for this party.” She said, opening the door and walking in your direction.

“Don’t you fucking touch her!” Dean yelled, surging forward.

“Oh, calm down, Romeo.” She sighed, simply raising a hand and flicking it so Dean was shoved into the wall.

“Dean!” You cried out watching with wide eyes as he struggled against her invisible hold.

“You little miss have caused a lot of trouble.” The woman said standing right in front of you. “Do you know how long it took to find you and how much energy we had to use killing off your parents and little friend?”

“You bitch.” You snarled, going to lunge only to be held back by the chains. The woman only laughed before snapping her fingers loudly. You and Dean shared a look before two more women entered the room with emotionless faces.

The two didn’t say a word, or a make a noise, as they approached you and in silence grabbed the length of chain and dragged you towards them.

“Get off me!”

“You fucking touch her and I’ll fucking kill you.”

“We’ll be back for you later boy.” The first woman pointed at Dean as she stood behind your struggling form.

“Dean!” You yelled as you were yanked forward.

“Y/N!” He choked out before you were pulled away and the cell door shut behind you.

No matter how much you struggled, how much you fought back, the two women continued to drag you down the hall as if you were merely a rag doll.

“Fucking demon whores.” You snarled, trying to throw the women off you.

“Now that is just rude. There’s no need for a superiority complex. The only part of you that’s even valuable is right here.” She said, moving in front of you and tapping your heart. “You’re making a generous contribution to our masters.”

“Fuck you bitch.” You growled, spitting on her face. The woman simply narrowed her eyes before smacking you across the face.

“I’m going to enjoy this.” She smirked, leading the three of you into an adjacent room. The room screamed culty. Candles of every colour and size littered the room, the bright glow of the moon was the only other source of lighting and in the middle of the room was a slab from the morgue.

“No! No get off me!” You shrieked as you were dragged to the table, slab, and chained down.

“It’s no use. The sacrifice is happening whether you like it or not.” The witch said, moving towards an altar.

“Fuck you!” You snapped, attempting to lunge off the table. As you continued to struggle, the three women all gathered at the altar and began reading from a large book. As your struggles intensified you felt a burning from deep within.

The women were now gathered around you and as their chants grew louder the burning became unbearable. You let out a short scream as the fire burst and the three women had to shield themselves from it.

One woman was too slow to dodge and you watched as she caught fire. The woman screamed and flailed as she was brunt to a crisp. The other two women didn't even attempt to save her as they stood

“The ritual continues!” The first woman screamed. “We will be immune to fire! To the hunters! It continues!” She said , raising a knife and stabbing it into your stomach. "Weak little witch can't even control her powers." She mocked over your scream of pain.

"At least I'm not a whore who sold herself for hers." You snapped, groaning as the second woman twisted the dagger.

"Continue!" She snapped, raising the knife. She and the second woman began chanting again. You could barely find the energy to struggle any more, you were bleeding out and weak from the blast of magick you sent out.

A single tear streaked down your cheek before a loud gunshot echoed throughout the room. Your head snapped to the side and you saw Dean, Cas and Sam marching towards you.

Dean raised his gun again and shot the woman with the dagger once in the head. He and Cas appeared next to you as Sam quickly took care of the last woman.

"You're okay, what did I tell you? We weren't letting them cut your heart out." Dean smiled, unlocking the chains as Cas pressed two fingers to your forehead. A bright glow emitted from the room as you felt yourself healing.

"And I thought I told you not to say it like that." You groaned as Cas helped you sit up.

"Are you okay? Do you need a hospital? Is there anywhere else that hurts?" Cas asked, holding your face in his hands. You gave him a tired smile before leaning forward and pressing your lips to his.

"I'm okay." You told him. "I'm fine." Cas gave you a smile before stepping aside so Dean could stand in front of you. "Are you okay?" You asked him.

"I'm fantastic" He said, leaning forward and kissing you.

"Guys, not to interrupt the soul mate moment but we gotta get out of here. The place is on fire." Sam pointed out.

"Yeah sorry about that." You said as Dean helped you off the table. 

"You did this?" Dean questioned, catching you as your knees gave out.

"Uh huh. Got the bitch in the corner." You told him.

"We're going to continue training once you get some rest." Castiel nodded. With Dean holding you up the four of you made your way to the exit. Dean helped you into the back of his car with Cas sitting next to you, with the burning building behind you, Dean started up the car and drove the four of you away.

You were leaning your head against Cas's shoulder when you suddenly had a thought.

"Hey Cas, do you really have beehives?"

Taglist

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Dean x reader x Cas

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Steve x reader x Wanda

Natasha x reader x Wanda

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Meg x reader x Cas

[schrijverr]

What could have been and what can be

Not every universe had a God rooting for them and not every universe is kind enough to return a fallen angel to the person, who loves him most. Our Team Free Will sees this firsthand when alternate Dean meets their Castiel.

15x13 Destiny’s Child CODA

On AO3.

Ships: Destiel

Warning: Alternate Cas is dead

~~~~~~~~~~

Their alternate selfs were not at all like they expected themselves to be. They were rich, they didn’t like beer, they didn’t have an Impala and they loved John, a John who was still alive. You could say they were the opposite of them. They also never mentioned any of their other friends, no alternate Bobby, no Charlie, no Kevin, no Jody, no Garth and no Cas. It might be naive with the other alternate dimensions they had seen, but they just assumed that these Sam and Dean weren’t as well befriended or just didn’t know the alternate versions of their friends, if they existed at all.

This line of reasoning made alternate Deans reaction to Cas so surprising.

They had just explained their situation to their counterparts when Castiel came into the room to inform them that Jack was packing the last of their stuff and they would be able to leave soon. The moment he rounded the corner, Deans eyes got wide and he shot up and when Castiel had reached the top of the stairs alternate Dean was right in front of him. He cupped Castiels cheeks with his hands and breathed: “Is it really you, Castiel?”

Castiel frowned as he cocked his head to the side and answered: “Yes, it is me, Dean.”

The moment he spoke, alternate Dean started crying and pulled him close to his chest as he sobbed. Sam and Dean shot alternate Sam a questioning look, but he only gave them a sorrowful smile back that didn’t answer much, but told them so much.

Meanwhile, Castiel had no clue how to reach to this Dean. His Dean wasn’t one for showing emotions and if he did it usually was nothing more then a few tears or an angry outburst. Castiel had no experience in comforting his friend in such a manner, but he did know how to hug and he was also familiar with Dean clinging to him. It reminded him of Purgatory. So, he hugged back awkwardly and looked at his own Dean with distress in the hope he would come and save him from this situation.

Luckily, Dean could read him very well, so he rushed forward and started to gently pull other Dean off Cas while he said: “That’s enough, buddy. Lets sit down for a second, okay? We’re going to sit and you’re going to tell us what got you so upset all of a sudden.”

They got alternate Dean settled on the table and Dean was about to back off and let himself be. (Wow, that was a weird thought). When the other Dean clung to him and said: “You may be poor, but know how much luckier you are than I.”

Dean pried his fingers out of his shirt and said: “Yeah, lets start with that. Why are you all weeping over Cas?”

Alternate Dean looked down and sniffled again. He looked up to meet Deans eyes and said: “I wasn’t lucky enough to see my Castiel live. He died and there was no God, who answered my prayers and no one willing to make a deal, no matter the price I offered. The love of my life died and stayed dead.”

Dean chocked on his spit and sputtered out: “Love of your life?”

For a second it was silent. The sound of nothing deafening the room.

It was Sam, who broke it and asked his alternate self: “Your Dean and Cas were together?”

Sam gave him a look and replied: “Yours weren’t? With the way they looked at each other on their wedding day, you think they’d be destined to be together no matter the situation. Or in this case, universe.”

Dean seemed to get back online as he spluttered: “Wedding day?”

Alternate Dean got a dreamy look on his face and he said: “Yes, it was magical. Cas was dressed in pure white and he was just, so, so beautiful. We got married in the small church in Lawrence Kansas and everyone was there. We had pie instead of a wedding cake. It honestly was the best day of my life.”

He sounded so wistful and heartbroken that everyone in the room needed a second to work around the lump in their throat. Sam carefully asked: “How did he die?”

“It was stupid.” Dean sighed, “And my fault too. I wanted to go on a solo hunt, for old time sake. Just us two, but it was a trap. Word got out, someone it the Corps told on us, we never figured out who. Instead of a vampire nest it were rogue angels, who had it out for us. We almost had it handled, but I was careless, I didn’t see one of them coming.” tears welled up in his eyes again and he went on with a tight voice, “He, he took the blade for me. He died, he died while giving me one last smile.”

The whole room was shocked, it seemed like even alternate Sam had never heard the story. Castiel quietly sat down next to alternate Dean and let him cry into his chest, while Cas shared a helpless look with his own Dean. Dean was trying to imagine how that must have felt like for his counterpart, to loose the one he loved most. It might even be worse than loosing Sam, but he soon found that he didn’t have to imagine loosing Sam to try and relate to alternate Deans pain, just thinking of Cas was enough. He remembered all the times he lost him and how awful that had been and how scared and alone he had felt. To have that be permanent was a terrible idea. He finally said: “I’m sorry that happened to you. That must have been terrible, I almost can’t even imagine that pain. We have some picture books of all of us, you can look through those, while we’re out and we’ll be back before you know it.”

Alternate Deans head shot up and he clung tighter to Cas as he exclaimed: “No, you can’t go. You can’t leave me again.”

“We have to. There are lives on the line and I mean a lot of lives, so you’re gonna have to push your feelings aside for a moment and man up while we’re gone.” Dean said.

Sam sighed to himself. Dean had always been good at pushing his own needs and emotions aside for other peoples and it seemed like alternate him was no exception. He normally would push Dean to open up and especially about Castiel. (He had eyes, thank you very much, he could see how those two idiots had looked at each other for years). But Dean was right, there were bigger forces at play here and they couldn’t afford to let this opportunity slip. If he wanted to get on with the plan, however, he would have to interfere. So he said: “Why don’t you two stay here for a second and we’ll talk about it over there for a moment, okay.”

They could agree to that at least and soon they were out of earshot whispering to each other. Dean said: “I feel for the guy, really I do, but we have lives to save. Don’t tell me you’re picking his side, Sammy.”

“I’m not, Dean.” Sam told him, “But we need to find a way to make sure he sticks to the plan and right now, he isn’t in the head space to do so.”

“Well, what do you suggest then?” Dean shot back.

Before Sam could answer, Castiel said: “I could make them both forget me. We can go on with the plan and he looses his pain.”

Dean thought about for a second, pursing his lips, then he nodded and said: “Sounds good to me, lets go.”

Then he turned around and walked away. Castiel shot Sam a glance and when he gave him a resigned nod the angel trailed after Dean back to the other pair of brothers to erase their memory. Sam let his shoulders sag, he knew there was a lot Dean would rather forget and he probably saw this as a mercy, but he knew that good memories were worth the pain. Thinking of Jess hurt even after all these years, but her smile still turned up in his best dreams. He hated that he had to make these kind of decisions for the greater good, but for now there was nothing he could do, they had an Occultum to find, whatever or wherever that might be.

The car ride was strained and Dean and Cas barely dared to look at one another. Sam had expected this, but he felt bad for Jack, who had no clue what had happened between the two. Sam tried to signal with his eyes that he should let it be and he was grateful when the kid seemed to get the hint. There had been a lot of teasing and references to the relationship between Dean and Cas throughout the years, but none so unavoidable as this one. They would have to talk to get over this, something they had never been good at.

They parked the car Sam ushered Jack along to the back, leaving the two with a second for themselves. There were a couple of awkward seconds, before Castiel said: “You are not the alternate version of you, Dean. If what he told you bothers you then you do not have to listen. His universe isn’t this one and you are not the same person as he is.”

Dean nodded a bit to himself and swallowed as he tried to gather the courage to tell Cas something that had always been there, but couldn’t be avoided now. He asked softly: “What if we are the same? What if we are, but I can’t? Not now.”

The look of confusion Castiel gave him immersed him in familiarity and safety. Castiel asked him, a hint of hope present in his voice: “What do you mean with that, Dean?”

He was already going and he didn’t see the point in backing out now, so Dean said: “What if I feel the same about you as my alternate self does, but I can’t allow myself to have this new thing, a wonderful thing, because it will be a distraction we cannot use right now?”

He finally met Castiels eyes and the warmth that was in them calmed his heart so much he wondered why it had ever been racing. Castiel answered: “Well, then I’ll say that it was okay and that I would love to hear more and explore us when this whole mess with God is behind us.”

Dean gave him a shy smile back and gave him a quick hug, before clambering out the car as to not rouse suspicion with Sam and Jack. Castiel followed suit to the doors of the church, in the distance the Empty rumbled, angry that it could not take Cas yet, not while he was still so important. But that was far away and for now, they had work to do and a promise to live for.

[that-sea-sponge]

Chuck’s Ending (minor spoilers)

So, in every version of Dean and Sam that ever existed on every other world, Chuck got the ending he wanted. The tragic, broken brothers, turning on themselves, fade to black. Except this world? I wonder why. Well, fortunately, now we know the answer, from Chuck's own mouth. In every other version there was a Castiel who raised Dean from perdition and then did what he was Chuckdamn told. Now, because of the self-hating angel with the crack, other things have changed the Winchester's world. Jack, being a huge one, Bobby and the others from Apocolypse world, Eileen, the relationship with Rowena, etc. Dean and Sam have a large extended family outside of themselves that keep them grounded. But that was all predicated on a strange copy of an Angel of the Lord who turned out to be doubtful, depressed and anxious.

Two thoughts: 1) yaaas, bitch. Carry that universe, Cas. 2) Never let yourself feel that you can't accomplish good things if you're not in the best mental health. You could, conceivably, be changing the whole world for the better and you're just not in a place to recognize it.

Team Free Will!