#in every essence he is me
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the way HC grew up thinking he was weak, monstrous, repulsive, was told that he was cursed, and believed that he had to spend 800 years becoming better, stronger, more powerful, for XL, bc he wanted to protect XL -
but then he meets XL again, and shortly after becoming friends, XL tells HC that he doesn't care if HC is hideous, doesn't care if HC is a beggar or royalty, a ghost or human. later on, XL even tells HC that he doesn't care if HC is strong or weak, at his lowest or highest point, in worst or best moments - XL loves HC no matter what state HC may be in, he loves him simply bc he is HC.
and this unconditional love from XL is so important to HC, so healing for HC, and is exactly why it shaped HC so inexorably, both 800 years ago and 800 years later. bc XL truly is the kind of person who loves someone for who they are, not how they appear on the outside.
and HC fully reciprocates this unconditional love by loving XL no matter if XL is the god-pleasing crown prince or the broken husk of a man wearing bwx's mask trying to take revenge. HC returns this unconditional love by repeating XL's words back to him, what matters is you, not the state of you.
#hualian#my meta#i've talked about this before but it just hit me all over again#the puqi shrine sleepover and the campfire convo and when xl says 'you can't be strong every moment of everyday'#are the same in essence#the way HC chose to give XL his ashes specifically after XL tells him he really does want to see HC's real appearance and doesn't care even#if it's hideous or monstrous#XL being the one who says 'what matters is you not the state of you'#XL truly being the kind of person who doesn't care about all these things!! he only cares that HC is HC!! he loves HC bc it's HC!!#anyway. the thesis of hualian is 'what matters is you not the state of you'#aka unconditional love!!!#mp: tgcf
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Man like. I really hope the theories about 'redeeming Solas' ending being to die/mirror his friend wisdom where he dies but will eventually get respawned as a 'new' him, aren't true. Because ngl that's. A very unappealing ending imo. Like that isn't worth the 10 year wait at all.
#its no different to me than if he were to just die permanently.#bc he explains that his friend wont remember him and will come back similar but not necessarily even the same personality#like it just wont be him. the solas we knew would be dead. and im so fucking bored of that#like im just. im gonna be mean hang on#solas redemption arc being 'he dies and respawns' is so. fucking. lazy?#like idk i guess i find it more compelling to have a character learn to Want to live. learn How to live. etc especially when its an immortal#not to mention. like. solas personal quest w wisdom dying is like. im sorry i didnt cry? it wasnt That Emotional.#someone died. happens in like every fucking dragon age quest ever.#the emotional part of solas' quest was how He felt and dealt with it.#and even then. he just disappeared until you fast traveled back to skyhold next.#like am i making sense?#the emotional part was seeing how broken up HE was about it. but wisdom dying was no sadder than when duke bastien dies in Viv's quest#it was just a death with a little *essence may reform later and be a new spirit note#anyway I'll be like. incredibly disappointed if that's what happens to solas no matter what
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there is some symbolism iv never considered in that one episod of pt5 where zenigata rescues fujiko before she kills lupin
#there are many timelines and variations in lupin as a serie so that every ship could work#in my own prefered timeline lupin finally gets the hint that fujiko plays him like a fiddle#to me she does like him but he is an instrument to her#she is cold hearted and calculating and always thinking about relationships in terms of profit#i got some ideas abt her background that justify this. essentially she kills the detective that is after her and with that kills#the soft part of her that she couldnt control before#eventually and despite his affection lupin gives up the objectifications and the desires he projects onto fujiko#whom uses his delusions like a master tbh#thus allowing himself to consider zenigata. he plays with zenigata the way fujiko plays with him#hes just not as calculating. he feels pity and remorse where fujiko doesnt#he finds the thrills and the doubts and the lack of trust and the risk of betrayal in zenigata. the things that he loves the most#he isnt about stability. he thrives in the unknown. he loves that zenigata could backstab him and does so sometimes#and in that lack of stabilty some form of stability builds up. there is familiarity#and most importantly there are rare times when they can put the game aside and just chill#just enough to gather the energy to go back to trying to kill each other#plus zenigata pampers him during those breaks and he loves that#he acts with carelessness but he does care. in that regard he looses to fujiko#at least thats how she sees it. he doesnt see caring as a flaw#and zenigata is so sweet. he really is. and lupin loves to stirr up the crazy in him#fucking loonies the both of them#so in essence zenigata doesnt really 'save' him from fujiko but he becomes lupins new favourite toy to throw around#fujiko is only upset that because of that ugly looser of a detective her grip on lupin is loosening#she does find ways to use that newly developed affection luzeni has to her advantage thou#lupin is still her instrument she just drags zenigata along now#fujiko is such a good and interesting character and deserves so much better honestly#despite my love for TWCFM i wish there was another serie centralized around her where her ruthlessness is examined#and her cunning is studied. and the proper law enforcement she should face the same way lupin does#shes like a million times smarter and more ressourceful than him. steals much more. embezzles. manipulate#lupin is just a small time pickpocket next to her. she isnt about stealing a painting shes about emptying the pockets of the richest men in#the world. her goals are much more ambitious
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Sometimes when I listen to the Beatles I feel like I felt at thirteen again and it feels like the sky widens and there’s endless possibilities and they��re saying what I’m feeling but can’t articulate and I’m lying on my bed and tomorrow I have school and I’ll have school for five more years and I dream of going to Liverpool and I want the magical mystery tour to take me away and I’m learning English with their help and I don’t know the chronological order of the albums yet but it’s fine because they all make me feel so much and I’m slowly learning to distinguish their voices and life is wide and it’s okay and nothing bad has happened yet
#it’s little things like remembering how much I liked old brown show when I first listened to it#or how I could only tell Paul’s voice apart by the way he says his Ks#life was such a wonder then aw man#feeling weird about time passing atm#cause remembering it all is weird because I felt so grown up but I was a literal child#sooooo many things have happened but every time I listen to their music I go back to being that girl#yes I’m an adult now yes I carry much more shit around with me but really the essence of it all is. I still like that music#it still feels like it gives my life purpose#idk it’s important you know#it matters to me#emmys thoughts
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I had asked James to write a bit about what 72 Seasons meant to him. But even before we received that, Lars shared that James did say one thing he thought was particularly interesting, which was “prisoner of childhood.” So Lars was the guy who distilled a lot of what James had to say into a phrase that became extremely powerful for us creatively. It was a brilliant synthesis of all the ideas behind 72 Seasons in three words.
-David Turner about the concept art and design of 72 Seasons
#metallica#72 seasons#james hetfield#lars ulrich#so what!#david turner#(d)jinn all'opera#yeah yeah i got around reading it just now#AND I'M SHARING THIS#bc i am so damn predictable. hence the tag...#jh and lu#an xl kind of friendship#GET YOURSELF A FRIEND WHO LISTENS TO EVERY WORD YOU SAY AND GIVES IT BACK DISTILLED#and let me tell u. jhet is not very verbose so to summarise his concepts... not bad#also this was from an email between james and#dt but ofc Lars also read it? maybe he heard james talking abt? and then of course he hit the nail abt what was the essence for his friend#dont look at me. i am not normal abt this and yall know it well#jinn out#soph. if you see this..... THEM. RIGHT???? /THEM/
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Odd and Recent Planets
#I do not recommend this show at all - I only watch it for T'Pring#It's bad in almost every way#But it is funny how like 0 of the romantic relationships don't have something questionable to do with cheating in them#I know La'an and Kirk hooked up in an alternate timeline (it's complicated) <- did not watch the episode too boring#But it's more about the essence of infidelity now in the canon timeline. That's the only obstacle they can think of#for these straight forbidden love plots <- Not counting Pike sleeping with that alien lady#Idk what's going on with him and that human lady he's with...captain girlfriend. Maybe they're open v_v#as I said - it's really about the essence of infidelity#THAT'S the ticket#star trek memes#but I am serious the show is bad -_-#I liked it at first but then it was just like .... bad & also a slog & also like genuinely sending bad messaging - not campy/fun bad#I don't think I'll watch anything else that doesn't have T'Pring or Vulcans in it (yo ho ho)#<- I want to pick and choose aspects of Vulcan culture to implement into my personal canon#<- The customary parent-in-law vs spouses roast session IS too funny for me not to say yes and to
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weird detail #98 masato's necklace is lower than everyone else's. for whatever reason.
#snap chats#i always thought i was seeing things but no... why's it like that.#its not cause his shirt's open because arakawa ichi and even sawashiro's necklaces are at their collarbones#meanwhile masato's dips just over his chest#like the fuck LMAO??????#for what....... literally for what what is the reason i boggles my mind and has had me scratching my head for a year now#unrelated to. literally anything im saying. but every day i cry at how handsome arakawa is#which feel really weird to say cause in essence im just saying kiichi nakai's very handsome but he is so SORRY#ichi's also so handsome..... im sobbing why is he so handsome i love ichi so much he's so perfect#ok im done being sick bye
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im actually going to tear into totk’s dragon’s tears/ memories rn bc i remember feeling distinctly unsatisfied with them when i got all of them so im just going to write some general bullet points about them, about what i dislike or maybe what i do actually like about them, leaving out both master sword scenes and the mummydorf one because i’m here to talk about the stuff in the past not that
- off the bat (i play this game in english btw so all of this is based on the english text and translation i am aware some stuff is slightly different in other languages) im not really a fan of how the descriptions of all of the tears is just a literal description of what happens?? i think my issue with it is that some of the text is a little bit too in depth, as in it just tells you literally everything about the scene. this might be nitpick-y but i personally dont like it
- what’s up with zelda saying ‘but that must mean...!’ at the end of the scene. is it suggesting that she’s made the realization that rauru and sonia are the first king and queen of hyrule? because they literally tell her that like ten seconds before. i guess it’s suggesting she’s realizing she’s in the past but... idk the texts says ‘she’s left startled by a suspicion that she’s heard those names before’ yeah theyre the first king and queen of hyrule?? they tell her that. they tell her their names and that they are the first leaders of hyrule is she just now connecting the dots that she’s in the past? that’s what the next cutscene implies. but all of the surrounding dialogue and the description don’t suggest that that’s what she’s realizing i feel like this was kind of muddled in the translation
- why did sonia elbow rauru he was just standing weird he didnt say anything this isnt a nitpick im just confused. is it because he’s not being very empathetic towards what zelda’s going through? she elbows him and then she goes and talks to zelda why even elbow rauru. ordinarily you elbow someone like that if you mean for them to go do something why elbow someone if you’re going to do the thing you want anyways
- why doesnt zelda offer to help with the purah pad or anything like that. what happened to her sheikah tech fascination from botw. not even as someone actually familiar with the technology who could give mineru some points as to how it works
- what are sonia and zelda doing behind rauru when he shoots that insane fucking beam at the mulduga swarm they’re clearly doing something with their stones but like... are they amplifying rauru’s power somehow?? what do time powers have to do with the beam of light i dont- what were they doing please the text description only mentions him using his powers so are sonia and zelda just... supporting his powers? idk man
- dragon tear #5 is a whole can of worms with its worse-than-oot reenactment of that one scene from oot. why the focus on sonia and her tear btw. i mean yeah she dies to motivate rauru and zelda but like. why not aim for the new girl who probably doesn’t know how to use it as much and is probably more likely to be separate from the king who can shot insane lasers. im really not a fan of this scene for how strongly the game sides with rauru and zelda being passive and judgemental but ganondorf is literally the best part of it there’s a lot of character in just how he picks up his sword and stands up to leave
- putting memories 6 and 7 together just because of how there was just. no fucking care put into the idea of zelda learning to use her time powers. memory 6 zelda talks about wanting to use her time powers and sonia gives her tips on how she could use it and visualize the use of it and then in memory 7 she can just use it perfectly with great control and timing. why even bother talking about her nothing yet understanding how to use it when the very next scene she just uses it like it’s nothing. how much time has passed we get nothing to show us zelda trying to practice this power just. nope. she’s good she can use it perfectly. also more awkward dialogue sonia saying ‘what a picture zelda paints of him’ as she is. looking directly at zelda. change the line to like, ‘what a picture you paint of him’ she is literally looking right at zelda so why would she say it like that
- generally i feel like memory six should have been before 4 and 5 (4 being where she uses some power to... support??? rauru and it being before memory 5 so that there isnt this weird break in between the memories concerning ganondorf.) memory 6 does not have anything to do with memory 4 or 5 so just put it earlier so there isnt a weird shift in focus between the two big ganondorf scenes
- good god they introduce the idea of sonia and zelda being aware of ganondorf using a fake zelda but theres literally nothing about it having been a problem or them having experience or like. anything. they just TELL you that they know and suggest that it’s been like. a thing for a bit??? also obligatory ganondorf’s face model rigging is fucked comment he’s still the best part
- the pacing of these memories is just weird in general, memories 7 and 8 being separate but the same scene is strange when other memories are long as fuck but cover one event each, plus theres clearly barely any passage of time between memories 7 and 8 it almost feels like they were split up to fill space or just because otherwise it’d be... too long? man idk
- ‘queen sonia needs you!’ girl she is DEAD good fucking luck doing anything to help her
- ganondorf’s horse and its armor both look sick as fuck i really wish you got to see more of it outside the memory it appears in
- everything about the original sages honestly sucks. they aren’t characters they’re just walking macguffins. they have no names and are not relevant or mentioned or make any appearance until they are needed by the story. why does the zora sage talk about getting word about the attacked gerudo village in this scene when like. they’ve all met up and have clearly. been together for a bit. when she gives them the news it’s clearly the first they’ve heard of it... but... why would she wait until this moments to give this info unless for the benefit of the player watching the scene. why does the ZORA sage have this news and not... the gerudo sage?? what’s with the masks. they’re all made of zonaite or whatever sure theyre gifts from rauru but like. i hate that it kind of denotes them being subservient and lower than him and the zonai. honestly i really hate this scene in general mostly because of the uncomfortable showing of how rauru absolutely holds power over them and despite them being leaders as well they are expected to be wholly blindly loyal to him. rauru only gives them these stones when he needs their aid and they swear loyalty too him soon after but you also see that sonia and mineru have stones, too, so they’re clearly withholding these things despite it being kind of reasonable for him to give each race their own secret stone as further proof of their pact? there is so much shit to be said about the imperialistic themes or whatever in this fucking story and i really hate it
- i do kinda like how the next scene shows you that the one rock in the corner of that first hidden room in the forgotten temple is sonia’s grave
- zelda’s phrasing and description of how she and link found ganondorf is weird to me ‘he’s still alive’ ‘he lives on’ girl that was a mummy. he was not moving until you got there. he’s undead at best as far as you know. this is def a nitpick but eh. also the reliance on link is a... bit odd when zelda does not actually know that link is safe until she gets the master sword. its fine but still. also her shell-shocked expression after rauru talks about her being in the past for a reason is a bit... it doesn’t fit her emotion it’s kind of similar to the expression she had when sonia was killed
- the memory about the imprisoning war starts with practically the whole story up until now being repeated back to you by mineru with a decent amount of bias on mineru’s part and while it’s fine because of some of the extra stuff you learn but it does a lot more telling rather than showing when it comes to the actual imprisoning war and... idk the whole thing about their ‘fight’ kind of falls flat when you don’t actually see any fighting you just see that the sages have gotten their asses beat. i think it would have been a little interesting if in the god-awful repetitive sage-awakening scenes they had actually showed you the og sages fighting ganondorf instead of just. slow-mo freeze-frames for whatever. once again ganondorf if the best part of the scene
- the rest of the memories are fine idc
i get the feeling that the japanese-to-english translation was either all-around rough or somehow rushed, because some of the phrases in the game as well as some of the dialogue is really awkward and... could have been better. i don’t know how it works but it feels like a lot of it was very literal, direct translation and no one at noa thought that it ought to be tweaked just a little bit
these memories also do a fuck-ton of telling rather than showing and it really is like they don’t really trust you to connect the dots, and some of it does come off like they either didn’t want to make more memories or ran out of time or something. i felt like the memory of ganondorf just summoning his monsters and riding on his cool horse could have been a bit longer to actually show us the forces of hyrule fighting him and having a hard time with it
a lot of the character animations doesn’t have a whole lot of personality to them, ganondorf is the character who had the most distinct and interesting movements. rauru and sonia had their... singular movement (rauru putting a hand to his chin and sonia taking zelda’s hands) and zelda was kind of just... standing around and reacting to stuff, and neither mineru nor any of the other sages had any really interesting animations asides from mineru’s coughing fit in memory 16 (plus her reclining chair that was a nice touch). very few of their movements really express anything about the characters besides some really baseline values or traits.
the ordering of some memories is kind of odd, the excessive flashbacks in memory 17 are a bit much, the telling rather than showing, the sometimes awkward dialogue, a lot of the scenes are characters just... talking at each other, you don’t actually see very much of hyrule in the past or any characters beyond the main four, and it really did nothing to actually get me to care about these characters at all.
tldr i dont like totk’s dragon tears
#i didnt want to revisit this game but the memories in totk bother me. once im done with this tho i can go read my new volumes of berserk#salty talks#loz#legend of zelda#totk#literally the narrative of this game dragged the rest of the game through mud for me so im going to complain abt it more#any time i wanted to rewatch a part of a scene i have to sit through a few minutes of bullshit just to get to the point.#these things are so long and barely anything happens in them#half of these cutscenes are just characters standing around and talking theres so little actual character to most of the character movements#ganondorf has the most emotive and distinct movements in all of these scenes#they have the most personality and you get the most variety. with rauru and sonia its just. shes gentle n motherly hes uhhhh arrogant king#honest to god. i miss linebeck. i miss the way he was animated and the sheer amount of personality they gave him in every cutscene#fuck man i miss botw's memories. despite them being shorter (i'm pretty sure) i feel like there was more essence to them. more character#listen. i understand that gamedev is hard and so is writing and animating but like. this game is seventy fucking dollars.#despite him being so disappointingly one-note. ganondorf was the most interesting fucking character in these memories#finding the dragon's tears was fun but actually watching them was lame af#hey remember those posts i made about ph's cutscenes? maybe its the autism but i feel like i couldnt write those paragraphs abt totk#ig just. ph is my special interest and i have a negative bias against totk. if you think im dead wrong about this stuff go ahead.#i dont blame anyone for taking my words with a grain of salt. come to your own conclusions. if oyu like totk's memories cool!#anyways im done bye im gonna read berserk. which actually has a nuanced story and world and characters and a multi-faceted villain#totk spoilers#bitching abt totk
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rewatching cobra kai for the 100th time - have we ever talked about the iron eagle scene? yeah it's funny when the larusso auto ad cuts in and everything, but have we talked about the specific scene that's playing? after a horrible last 24 hours?
“a bunch of things must have gone wrong if you’re listening to this. whatever happened, i know you must be real scared.” johnny - drunk - sits up, focuses a little harder. “right now, you’re probably filled with all the doubts in the world. but i’m gonna tell you something: God doesn’t give people things he doesn’t want ‘em to use.” johnny flashes back to leading his cobras in warmups. “...and he gave you…the touch.” he flashes back to hitting daniel’s bad leg in the tournament. “it’s a power you have inside of you-” he starts borderline crying. flashes back to the incident at the mini mart. “down there where you keep your guts, boy.” to miguel’s face as johnny’s defending him. “it’s all you need to blast your way in and get back what they took from you.”
you can see the hurt and the exhaustion in his whole face. idk that whole moment is just so special to me. he's playing his favorite movie that he's probably seen 1,000,000 times, and it's like he's hearing those words in a new way (before daniel cuts in). a bunch of things have gone wrong. he probably is scared, underneath it all. is this all his life will ever be? God doesn't give people things he doesn't want them to use. he's good at karate, it's all he's ever really known. he should use it. he's also got heart - he should use it. he knows it's somewhere inside him, buried so far down it's unrecognizable now. down where he keeps his guts. guys i-
#like i get the comedic relief of the BANZAI!! cutting it off#it sends me every time#but also this is so the essence of everything johnny needed and still honestly needs to hear#please give us soft johnny moments s6 please i'm begging#hoooo boy i'm in my jlaw feels tonight#i need someone to wrap him up and hold him until it doesn't hurt anymore#and for them to mean it. to not pity him. to see his strength and to want to be the one to heal his scars anyways#to show him he doesn't have to do any of this life on his own :(#johnny#ck#johnny lawrence#tagging this in hopes it reaches it's target audience#johnny haters dni#lmao#cobra kai
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Haven’t had pineapple anything in forever and I’m drinking a pineapple shake rn and I don’t know how Shawn does this
#help me#it’s so sour#I mean I fycking love sour but it’s not stopping#doesn’t even feel like I’m drinking a fruit shake feels like I’m drinking sour essence with whip cream on top#gotta steel myself before every sip HOW does he handle this all the time#shawn spencer#psych
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bro is inquisitive
#thinking of the possibilities of how it could be worse it's funny how you start to get addicted to thinking like a danmei writer#you are like anddd what if this person was (insert a guy who coughed once in chapter 15) anyways#i managed to not get many spoilers bc i hate it but i have always suspected that shi mei had a thing for cwn firstly bc i once saw a ship#tag and was like ?? well that is not uncommon as people ship shrek with chanyeol (im people) but secondly after that scene where mo ran#pinky interrogated him i was sooo 100% sure of it. but then there was nothing much so i let it go. the one mini spoiler i saw was#the enemy on pinterest who replied to a pic of a character saying it was shi mei/other name (didn't look at it) so it was why i knew#he was classically someone else. but even without that his ass was raising suspicion just for the way how blank he was#and i knew it was intentional so i kept thinking who he could be and my guess was xu shuanglin (rest in pieces poor guy)#bc i thought that both of them had the same spiritual essence or something. also the guy in the motel at the beginning who also had water#essense could only be either of them. but this is not the point bc then i was thinking that shi mei was simultaneously mo nian#bc why would he have the reason to be annoyed with mo ran to that extent. and also bc i knew there was a fire and hua binance has face burn#but mo ran chopped his head off bless his souls and good for him so how else can that be worse#he could also be that child of nangong yan who had his mother die bc of mo ran and mom he would also have a reason to try and compare#himself to mo ran in every way and hate him but why would he need to store nangong blood for mount jiao is he is nangong himself#but that would be great for disgusting points bc he would be mo ran's half brother doing all that ??#im just taking a break from throwing up bc of his ass trying to assault cwn every chance he gets and idk anything yet#so it would be interesting to keep guessing his motives as i do not get it yet but also (procceed to throw up)#also his interactions with corpse taxian ?? god tier. taxian is in the middle of diss battle drops his mic after every sentence#the crowd (me) cheers. moving on but i really enjoy insane plot twists i wish i remembered well what i was thinking while reading tgcf#the widely known thing is that i didn't even consider that fu yao and nan feng were fengqing it's my favorite thing bc i wholeheartedly#believed the little guys just loved their generals way too much#00
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@asteritm / continued from here
party pooper. oh hey clarice, it's nice to hear from you! how are you? how's life? i'm doing really well, thanks for asking! crunch anything tasty lately? party pooper. drop the first t in texting, throw in an s actually. and he's still getting the hang of it but he can't get better without practice you know. what better time to do it when he's supposed to be paying attention? party pooper. — on a scale of one to five, how bad is it? one being distracted but functioning and five being cannot carry a conversation to save his life? i have to know, for record keeping purposes, and then yes — i might give him some breathing room. do you know how fun it is to drive a man a little insane with a picture or two? i bet you do, one way or the other. party pooper. whatcha talking about? anything fun?
[sms] handle with caution. gods, you even text the same. no wonder you two fuck like rabbits, it must be like screwing a mirror for him. not to impugn your good looks by comparison, darling — and of course, i'm delighted that you're well. how goes your training in ... whatever it is he claims to be teaching you? CS.
[sms] handle with caution. yes, yes, i'm well aware of the context. and the contents. and his password, much to his dismay. artfully posed, by the way; what i wouldn't give to have your body. CS.
[sms] handle with caution. oh please, child. it's the easiest game in the world. with men, you'll reach the madhouse long before you could ever hope to reach the truth, every time. and no, i cannot think of anything i would rather do less than rate the depths of john constantine's lust, thank you ever so much for asking. CS.
[sms] handle with caution. business of course, what else? although that particular discussion seems to have effectively stalled, at present, thank you again. as much delightful nostalgia and secondhand embarrassment as i'm finding in the ... sordid details of your extracurricular activities, need i point out, to you of all people, that it would be far more professional to get it on on your own time? rather than, for example, mine? CS.
[sms] handle with caution. [IMG ATTACHMENT] besides, your man here is already averaging a 3.5 over little more than a tasteful glimpse of cleavage and a quarter-body shot — i'm sure you can do better than that. than him, for that matter. CS.
[sms] handle with caution. i know, i know, dreadful of me. and i did say i wouldn't pry. the heart wants what it wants, i suppose, regardless of such ... trivial hurdles as simple rational thought. i can relate to that, at least, but i do wish you'd let me set you up with at least one of the more ... lucrative matches on hand. after all, even if it didn't pan out, it couldn't hurt to keep up at least an appearance of availability, in your position, hm? CS.
#asteritm#clarice (a vampire of youthful essence): what i wouldn't GIVE to have your body#me (laughing nervously): like. like figuratively orrr......#also this woman wrote 'i'm delighted' with a completely straight face i just need to put that out there for posterity's sake#god i LOVE writing this nasty bitch already but the end of every sentence feels so SLIMY!!!#remember how u were talking about lilly having to hear all the shit people say about john? clarice is definitely one of those people#although whether she does it to provoke a reaction or because she actually despises him......who can say really. definitely not john#clarice vc: i've all but adopted you already girlie and now you want to make JOHN CONSTANTINE my SON IN LAW? EUGH.#(2nd tinier clarice vc: if you're not as serious about him as he is about you? i'm coming after you. teehee)#CLARICE TXT. ( a death defier hanging on a burning tether line. )#CLARICE V.01. ( HELLBLAZER. )#CLARICE ARC 01. ( THE BLOODY CONSTANTINES. ) w. ( asteritm & talentforlying. )
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*Exhale*
Alright, I've been teasing it long enough. Anyone that's been paying attention has probably figured out what my oh-so secret project has been (not that it's going to stop me from vague-posting about it), and he really is close to being finished.
Face-up. Done. (Though I would like to touch-up where the paint has chipped)
Clothes. Painted.
Wig. Styled.
I literally just need to put the fringe on his scarf, but for whatever reason, I've just been hit with this wave of fatigue since about the time I wrote the last confessions post (frankly, if you ever see me writing/posting long-ass posts, it's because I've lost the energy to use my hands to make things).
I guess I just burned myself out from making both him and Kun3h0 at the same time, that when Kun3h0 got finished, my whole body shut down having felt relief from "completing" the project. To be fair, this has been going on since at least mid-Janurary, so I am more than ready to close the book on this one.
I'll try to finish him within the month, but there are also a lot of other things going on with me ATM, so I wouldn't hold me to it.
#i'm thinking that part of it is that he honestly turned out *worse* than kun3h0#so i may be subconsciously trying to avoid having to post him#the plan was that he was supposed to be the first one finished#because his construction is a lot simpler#i didn't need to sew any clothes for him aside from the scarf fringe which is holding me up#so the idea was that I would take what I learned from making him to apply to kun3h0#but the way things worked out i wound up working on them simultaneously#which split my attention so i made a lot of mistakes on him#and since he's an already established character it's easier to notice the design errors#whereas kun3h0 (despite more or less completing her pngtuber model) still occupies a vague space in my brain#so it's not a big deal if I don't add every white stripe to kun3h0's outfit or if her eye is a little wider than it is tall#but it does bug me when I can't get his face to look exactly as it does in-game#frankly. he's too *cute* right now#i have never considered him (in his original appearance) to be 'cute'#i don't even think he's particularly handsome. he just hits a lot of my bias points#but the base doll was designed to be *very* handsome and i can't do much about that without making it a total mess#i just don't feel like i've captured his 'essence' as well as i captured kun3h0's#but i'd rather he be inaccurate than ruin it entirely trying to do something beyond my means
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caleb,,,.. andjfhjdnd evely..n.........
#'ten thousand centuries / world's new welcomes the sun's reprieves'#'so hold me down / or else i'll float away'#imagine being so in love your love survives for centuries on end#through generations and generations of the same body horror flick over and over#he'll always find his evelyn#i'm going to throw up#lunter#because every calevelyn song is a lunter song#okay no. more tags because that's not the worst of it#'now you and i are mysteries / part human part make-believe' like are you being serious rn#'your soul stretches farther than my skin' the essence of evelyn's love has always found its way back to caleb#'it was a magic show when the world began' caleb was reborn the day he fell for her#his love for her shaped his entire worldview to the point that he became a different person altogether...#damn. the potential of that lunter endgame. time to mourn it yet again
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I love everything that Billy fans create, it's so beautiful that we all saw his tragedy and tried our best in whatever little way we could to save him from it. Antis can argue all they want that 'Billy bad and you bad for liking him' but when you think about how pure and kind our intentions are when liking Billy there's no way we're really the bad people here.
#i love billy because he's me before i got a chance to grow#he's every bit of pain and hurt that i felt and still feel#he's the essence of my very soul#and no matter what anyone says to me i will not hate who i was because i got a chance to be who i am#he is the me that didn't get a chance#billy hargrove#pro billy hargrove#i do be crying at 4am while i write this
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Do you ever read a book and realise how it's going to make you exponentially worse
#finished the monsters we deserve by marcus sedgwick in (according to the handy timer on my library's ebook reader) one 46 minute session#am not normal about it!#like it's possibly a letter. we don't know who from or who to but it's written KNOWINGLY like the narrator will correct their own grammar#the narrator will point out their own use of a comma in the very first lines and that WILL come up again like I am categorically not okay#about 'a fairytale (comma) ending'#it's about an author who hates the book frankenstein it's autobiographical in the same way Lemony Snickett books are if that makes sense#it asks the question 'was frankenstein the monster? is he still the monster if he's real and his ghost stands in front of you just a puppet#it says okay if mary shelley made the monster frankenstein to what extent did frankenstein make mary shelley#did she know what would happen to it how it would get misinterpreted over and over in adaptation?#and if you hate a book like HATE hate a book how do you get rid of it? you can't destroy your copy how do you destroy the very Essence Of#The Book because the narrator's an author he can't ban the book or burn it because he Knoqs what that leads to and yet...#the phrase 'frankenstein made a monster' can mean many things at once#it's also about - and this is key - what if there was a fucked up cabin in France#I think I've mentioned before how reading pterry left its mark on my writing#but reading this reminded me of how year 8/9/possibly 7 me read pretty much every book by him in my school library#which has Definitely influenced me too
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