#in case you couldn't tell i am head over heels with community

[leojrthetanooki]

if we do get a community movie after the studios finally settle the strike with wga and sag-aftra, troy better have a spider-man costume to go with abed's batman costume

[solitarelee]

I actually have a unique reason why I can't use tampons and use pads instead!

Tampons make me pass out. Immediately.

Let me explain my tmi story.

Initially, I thought it was just a panic attack because I was freaked out about putting a tampon in. It happened twice, a couple years apart, so I just didn't use tampons. But, somewhere in my early twenties, I was like, I've had sex now and am comfortable with my body and tampons are no longer scary and I'm sick of pads. It was July 4th and I was wearing a cute dress and wedge heels. My sister and mom re-explained how to use them to me and I went and bought some. We went to my dad's house to pick something up and I decided to just do it there.

Now, my family is very open about bodies and sex and things like that, but I didn't mention to my dad that I was trying tampons again because it just didn't occur to me to do so.

I go upstairs, insert the tampon, pull my underwear (with a pad in it just in case) back up, and stand up to look myself in the mirror over the sink.

Immediately, I feel like I'm going to pass out. I've passed out many times in my life and know what it feels like. The color drains from my face, my ears start ringing, I break into a cold sweat, the works. I stumble over to the bathroom room, leaning heavily on the handle, and call for my sister.

Me: "[Sister]!"

Sister: *annoyed* "What?"

Me: *trying not to pass out* "[Sister]!!"

Sister: *more annoyed* "What?!"

Me: *losing steam* "[Sister]...!"

Sister: "Fine! I'm coming."

She takes one look at me and goes, "oh my god."

Thankfully, my sister was a certified nursing assistant and much stronger than me, so she has no trouble moving me back over to the toilet. I'm mumbling that I'm gonna pass out and she's trying to talk to me but I'm having trouble communicating at that point.

Then my head hits the back of the toilet and apparently I twitched weirdly.

My sister screams, "DAD, GET UP HERE!!!"

He comes up the stairs and, remember, he has no idea what's going on. Usually he's very confident in situations like this, but I think because my sister already had a hold of me and he had nothing to do, he just stood there in shock.

A few seconds later, I'm conscious again, but not fully lucid. My sister asks, dead serious, "Do you want me to remove the tampon?" And I say yes.

Hilariously, she tells my dad to turn around, even tho I would not have cared if he saw.

My sister, absolute hero, removes my tampon for me, tosses it, pulls my underwear back up, takes off my heels, and helps me into my bedroom next to the bathroom to lay down in bed.

Eventually my mom comes over to check on me as well while I have water and the a/c going to cool me off. We're all discussing it, trying to figure out what happened.

Panic attack? No, I wasn't nervous at all.

Incorrectly inserted? No, my sister confirmed it looked correct, since she got a look at it.

Toxic shock?? That shouldn't happen immediately tho...

Allergic??? Would I be allergic to cotton only vaginally??????

Unable to figure it out that day, once I was more recovered, we moved on to celebrate the fourth of July.

It was another year or two later, when I had to get my first pap smear as an adult, that I discovered that speculums ALSO make me pass out. They couldn't complete my pap smear because of it.

Was I allergic to cotton and surgical steel only vaginally?????? That made even less sense.

It was when I was seeing a different doctor the next year, this time at Planned Parenthood, for a pap smear that we discovered a probable explanation.

It's probably pressure on a vasovagal nerve, the rectal one specifically.

There's a rectal nerve that they have to be careful about with enemas and colonoscopies because it will sometimes make people pass out, according to this doctor.

But every body is shaped differently and the nerve must be just close enough to the vaginal canal that pressure will activate it. It doesn't help, I later discovered, that my uterus tilts fairly far forward (more than most people's but not outside the norm), so to get to the cervix, a doctor has to use the lip of the speculum to dip under my cervix and tilt it upwards in order to get the pap smear. So they're directly putting pressure downwards, toward that nerve when doing so. It likely doesn't happen during sex or masturbation because the area engorges with blood during arousal and the vaginal canal actually extends, so the pressure downward doesn't penetrate. Plus, during sex, pressure typically doesn't direct downwards anyways.

And that's why I can't use tampons!

I've considered the cups, but those seal with pressure and I worry that would press on the nerve as well. I have since been able to successfully complete a pap smear a couple times with caution, using a smaller speculum, and warning the doctor beforehand, altho I alway feel bad afterwards cuz I get close to passing out and feel nauseous for a while.

it's her.................... it's the vagina that makes you swoon dramatically

btw I also have a VERY VERY VERY tilted uterus (mine's to the point where it causes issues) and I have the same problem re: pap smears. my bro my guy my sis my fam they hurt so fucking bad when ur tilted and i don't think that's very known. my gyno is very apologetic about it but i get horrible cramps for weeks after due to the maneuvering they have to do to get in there.

[beels-burger-babe]

A Pain You'll Soon Regret - Pt. 1

***This...This is glorious. Oh ho, I will most definitely give you this fic @millenniumofpain! I will do so gladly! Thanks for sending in this great request!***

Poly!MC Summary: MC and the demon lords get in a fight resulting in MC leaving. They planned on going to Purgatory Hall until things cool off, but they never quite make it there. TW: Heavy Angst, Violence, I don't know what to tag this, but there is a pretty nasty verbal fight, Gore/Injury Part Two: HERE, Part Three: HERE, Part Four: HERE

You growled to yourself, angrily wiping tears from your face, as you marched away from the House of Lamentation, away from your partners.

Well, you said marching. It was more of a stumble what with the way your intoxicated brain could barely walk forward. You wished you could say you didn't know how things got like this, but the evidence had been there all along. It was in the slow build of tensions that increased and increased until they overflowed. It was in the way everyone would bite their tongues more and more frequently rather than communicating their thoughts.

Everyone had little things about the relationship between the eight of you that bothered them, and no one said a word until the words could no longer be held back.

It all started after you came back from clubbing way past curfew with Asmodeus.

The two of you were definitely drunk and were giggling messes as you did your best to hold the other up.

You both jumped when the hallway light turned on to reveal Lucifer and the others waiting there for you.

You bit back a sob as you thought of the vicious words that came out of their mouths.

"You're so reckless! Do you know what could've happened to a human like you this late at night in this state?! For Diavolo's sake MC, I expected this behaviour from Asmodeus, but I expected more from you!" Lucifer shouted Asmodeus groaned and leaned against you. "We were just having some fun. It's my date night. Don't get your wings in a twist." Beelzebub glared at him. "Just because it's your date night with MC doesn't excuse you putting them in danger. You couldn't even defend yourself right now, forget about defending them!" You frowned and stepped forward. "Guys relax. Nothing happened." Mammon scoffed, "That's always how it is with you! You think that just because nothin' has happened to ya that it's fine. You ain't invincible MC. Gah, it's like you're just throwin' ya self into dangerous situations just to get us to come to save ya again!" Satan raised an eyebrow at Mammon's comments and crossed his arms over his chest. "Maybe that's what they want. Attention. Is that the real reason why you keep being so reckless?" he tsks and scowls at you, "If you wanted attention MC you could've asked one of your seven boyfriends." You looked at them all with wide eyes. "Wha- I do NOT do all of this for attention!" Levi snarled, "Then why do you do it? Huh? Why else would you get drunk in one of the most notorious clubs in the Devildom? Why else would you date all seven of the Lords of the Devildom?" You stepped back as though you had been slapped by Levi's words. You glanced around at the others, but no one rose to your defence. You met Belphie's gaze hoping, that maybe as the only one to have not spoken up, that he'd be on your side. He just snickered and gave you a perplexed look. "What? Don't expect me to step in. You got yourself in this mess." You stood shocked and hurt; almost unwilling to believe that your partners, the people who you thought loved you unconditionally, verbally attacked you. Anger bubbled and boiled inside of you until you couldn't contain it anymore. "If you guys have such a problem with it, then maybe I won't depend on you anymore! I'm reckless, yeah, I admit, but I never did it for attention and I certainly never put myself in danger just so you all could play the hero," you turned your anger to Leviathan, "And in case you forgot, you all agreed to date me! I thought it was because you all loved me as much as I loved you but apparently fucking not! So if you don't mind, I'm going to leave now like the attention-driven child that you all think I am!"

Not your classiest moment, but you didn't care. It was clear you weren't wanted at the time, and you were too tired to handle the brutal words that they were throwing at you. So you left. Which brought you here, stumbling your way towards Purgatory Hall, drunk, and sobbing as you shivered from the cold Devildom air. You could just see the shape of the Hall ahead of you when you suddenly tripped and found yourself tumbling to the ground. You winced as you felt your knees and hands scrape against the ground. You groaned and turned yourself over to inspect the injuries. "Just when the night couldn't get any worse," "Well, well, well, what do we have here?" You stiffened as three demons came out of the woods around you and began circling you like vultures about to swoop in on their prey. The tallest one snickered. "Looks like the Lords' little pet strayed too far from its masters. Lucky us~"

A shorter, rounder one smiled sharply as drool trickled from its mouth. "Their loss, our gain," it leaned forward and inhaled deeply before sighing in pleasure. "Oh, get a whiff of that fear~ Just, delicious! Do you think it's true when they say that human tears really do add seasoning to its meat?" You tried to scramble away from it, as your heart pounded in your chest, but yelped as your back bumped against a curvier one. Its long nails dug into your shoulders as it secured its hands near your neck. "Only one way to find out." You were in trouble. These demons clearly had no intention of letting you go. You needed to get out of there before it was too late. You jammed the heel of your palms against the back of the wrists of the demon that holding you down, while you leaned backwards away from it. You were able to get just enough slack to roll away from the demon before jumping back to your feet. You were still surrounded, but at least now you weren't defenceless on the ground. Progress.

You did your best snarl, one that you and Mammon had jokingly practiced together one day, and glared fiercely at them. "Do you have any idea who you're messing with? I could have you all killed with just a snap of my fingers. You have one chance to run away, or I promise you that no one will ever be able to find your sorry corpses."

The tall one laughed and smirked at you. "And what exactly are you going to do? Scratch us with your blunt little nails? Bite us with your flat teeth?" The round one perked and began to hop excitedly. "Oh! Oh! Maybe they'll summon the lords to do it for them! Such a pathetic thing doesn't stand a chance on its own."

The curvy one wore a sickening grin as it leaned down mockingly at you. "So, you gonna call your guard dogs or what?"

You froze. You couldn't summon the brothers. Technically, you could, but not at this moment. Not after that fight. They had basically screamed at you about how they were tired of you getting yourself into situations exactly like this and then come crying to them for help. And what did you do? Take off and prove them right. They didn't want to be your heroes. They didn't want you.

You were on your own in this, and there was no way you could fight and win. Without a second thought, you turned towards Purgatory Hall and ran. The laughter of the demons rang behind menacingly. You barely got five steps away before a set of claws slashed deep into your ankle. You screamed out as you collapsed roughly to the ground, making your forehead against the dirt road.

You twisted onto your side to see the round demon drooling over your heavily bleeding leg with a nearly psychotic expression. "I love it when they try to run." That was the only warning you got before it sunk its razor-sharp teeth into your calf. You wailed loudly in pain as you used your other foot to try and kick the demon off of you, but it wasn't so willing to let go of its meal. The tall one grabbed your arm, bending you foreword as it roughly folded it behind your back. You cried out as you felt your shoulder pop out of its socket and nausea swirl in your stomach. "Not so tough now, are you?" It purred in your ear as it licked the tears off of your cheeks. You choked on your sobs as it roughly bit into the flesh on your collar, and weakly struggled in its grasp. "Let go of me! H-Help! Somebody! Help me!"

The curvy one finally approached you, burying its fingers into your hair before harshly yanking your head towards it. You screamed before it slapped its clawed hand across your face. Bile threatened to rise out of your throat as you felt your own blood drip down your cheek.

Spots began to blur your vision as the demon leered down at you with its menacing eyes. You felt your stomach drop as a realization hit you. This was how you would die.

You whimpered as you thought of the brothers, and how you never got to even kiss them or tell them goodbye one final time. Hell, you didn't even get to see them smile at you. Instead, you were reminded that you could never be what they needed you to be.

You would die scared, in pain, and unloved.

The curvy demon laughed as it wrapped its hands around your throat. You struggled to breathe and whined as, for just a moment, you saw Belphegore choking you to death once more, and not this monster. You morbidly thought that it was only fitting for you to be killed the same way twice. The demon leaned closer to you, demanding that you meet its un-naturally yellow eyes as it smiled. "You realize it now don't you? That this is your death bed? That no one is coming for the pathetic little human. I bet no one would even-" Before it could finish its sentence a blindingly bright beam burst across the side of its face sending it flying across the ground. You could hear the other demon curse and began to take off as two voices shouted and more bright flashes were sent in their direction. As your vision began to fade, you saw tear-filled, innocent blue eyes look down at you and a small mouth framed by chubby cheeks try to speak. But it was too late. With a final whine, you felt your eyes roll to the back of your skull and your mind plummet into darkness. ***This request is just evil and I love it. There will be a part two. So stay tuned for more pain. Hope you enjoyed it @millenniumofpain! Thank you for allowing me to write this!!***

[ofpineapplesanddawns]

#10 - free ship choice? x

“Don’t just say that and then walk away.”

Hhhh... hard to pick a ship to go with this one...

Let's go with Malcolm/Ten because it's been AGES since I last wrote for those two and their relationship is pretty much 90% angst.

This is still in the early days of them knowing each other, before they actually get together, so basically when Ten is still an enigma to Malcolm, the weird man who keeps showing up at random times in his early life on the island.

On with the fic!

--

The first time Malcolm became aware of the mysterious sound that he would later know as his signal that the Doctor was arriving, it had been in the late evening, just before the sun finally set.

He had been coming back from visiting the Goddess, aware that even in the setting light of the sun, he could see that the colors of the forest were brighter, healthier than before. But then he heard it, a strange sound unlike anything he had ever heard before, echoing through the trees.

It sounded like grinding metal, wheezing, or if someone dragged a key across piano wire. Malcolm stopped, trying to figure out where the sound came from, but he couldn't pick up the source of it, what direction it came from.

"Must... be my imagination..." He muttered to himself, deciding it was wise to ignore such sounds. The island had enough mysteries to it, he really did not wish for another to be added to his worries.

He stumbled as he walked along a slowly forming path, they really should find a better way to get to the Goddess without people finding this trail, before he stopped. Ahead of him was a man, dressed in a strange suit, a brown coat, and shoes too strange to be considered normal.

It was him, the Doctor, the mysterious man who kept coming and going with no explanation!

Malcolm glared, clutching his staff tightly, a weapon, just in case. "You again." He said, a small growl in his voice. "What have you come to tell me this time, Doctor?"

"Just came to check on you." The Doctor replied, voice even, calm, but hiding something else.

"Check on me?" Malcolm nearly barked a laugh. "Ah, finally living up to your so-called title, eh?"

The Doctor's neutral face shifted, a small frown coming to him. "I see we're not on good terms at the moment."

"Have we ever been?"

"Probably not for a while, I'm not sure how far back I am." He said, always in riddles. "How long have you been here?"

Malcolm didn't want to say, he just continued to glare, but eventually he spoke. "Nearly two years."

"Have you started your community?"

The prophet bristled. "There are... people." The community, his congregation, they were growing month by month.

The Doctor nodded, a solemn look on their face. "I see... so it's still the early days. Maybe there's a chance to change things now..." In the still quiet of the woods, the too quiet of the woods, Malcolm could hear the Doctor mutter to himself.

"No, no... that would be messing with any fixed points, there are always fixed points... don't get your hopes up, don't go thinking like that again..."

What did that mean?

Before Malcolm could question him, the Doctor sighed and turned on his heels, heading up a small incline, about to go deeper into the trees.

"H-hey!" Malcolm called out, trying to follow him. "Don’t just say that and then walk away! What nonsense are you on about now, Doctor!"

He hated when this man spoke like a prophet of a Greek myth, hidden messages in enigmatic sentences, he always spoke like he knew more than he let on.

He probably did.

The Doctor looked over his shoulder at him, giving a sad smile. "Sorry." He said before he started to run, long legs carrying him off into the growing darkness.

There was no way Malcolm would be able to catch him, not in his condition, not into the darkness. He cursed under his breath, shaking his head. "Fine, keep your secrets." He said to no one, moving to continue his walk back home.

Then he heard it again, the strange sounds from earlier. He swore he saw a glow in the distance, somewhere in the darkness, fading in and out before it was finally gone.

[lilallama]

Valentines Day

TW: Obsessive behaviour, mentioning of stealing and slight homophobia, proceed with caution!

"Taehyung sweetie, wake up.~"

I groan and turn in my sheets, slowly regaining consciousness. "I've prepared you breakfast. Get dressed and come downstairs." The clacking of my mother's heels echoed through the hall as she went away. Groggily I sit up and stretch. I push my bangs out of my eyes I stare towards the window to my left. The sun shines through the thin curtains casting an orange light on my bedroom wall. I yawn and stand up, pulling the curtains aside and flooding the room with light. I take a moment to look outside, admiring our beautiful garden before remembering what day it is. Today is Valentines day! My God/Goddess asked me to meet up with them. Oh, spending Valentines with my saviour is the best thing to have ever happened to me!

I rush to pick out a white dress shirt, a khaki sweater vest with a black pair of slacks. After also brushing through my hair to untangle any knots I opened my secret Y/n shrine. The picture of their smiling face makes my heart pound so fast. They are otherworldly, absolutely ethereal! I take out a shirt of theirs which I borrowed a while ago. If I close my eyes it still smells like them, it's addictive.

Just to make sure that no items were robbed from their place I go through all items once again. Five chewed on pencils, a small box of empty wrappers, my 20 most favourite photos of them, the candle they accidentally bit into because they thought it was edible, the borrowed shirt, a pair of their underwear, a bunch of pins and hair ties they touched, the bundle of 36 hair strands I managed to collect (I only collect the hairs that have fallen out, I would never dare to cut or rip out my God's/Goddess' hair) and my water bottle which they drank out of (I had to buy a new one to keep this in my shrine but it was so worth it). All my items were there.

Suddenly I hear clacking and a small thud. I turn around in confusion, what just happened? But then I hear Yeontan's bark from the other side of the door. He ran against the door again. I can't help but laugh as I go to open the door for him. He jumps up a bit so I kneel down to pet him. "I'm meeting up with Y/n today, isn't that exciting!" Yeontan immediately started yapping, he loved my God/Goddess almost as much as I do. It's really incredible what an effect Y/n has on everyone, they all seem to love them. Well, then again that is expected to be the case considering Y/n is such a godly being.

"Taehyung!" "I'm coming!" My mother called me again. "Come on, boy." I hurry downstairs with Yeontan following me. "Good morning, Ma. Good morning, Pa." My father nodded at me while my mother beckoned me to sit down and eat. While I finish my breakfast my mother was talking about a lot of stuff. "Have you heard, they're trying to make gay marriage legal here. That is complete nonsense! God created a man and a woman for a reason." I have no clue what my mother was raging about. I concluded that she's probably just misinformed, Y/n said that being part of the lgbtq community is completely natural and alright. I know they know better than anyone else. "What's so bad about it, Ma?" My mother looked at me with horror. "They can't help who they're attracted to. It's all natural, isn't it?" My mother shook her head. "No!" She exclaimed, "Being gay or trans or something is inherently selfish! Gays are selfish! Men and women were created by God to conceive a child and stop the human kind from getting extinct. Trans are selfish! God gave you a body and you chose to change it in it's entirety! Such behaviour is unacceptable." "But I thought God loves everyo-" "Where have you even gotten that idea? Maybe you should go back to homeschooling. Clearly these other kids are having a bad influence on you." I look over to my father who just continues reading the newspaper. I respect my mother but she clearly isn't ready yet for the wisdom Y/n has bestowed upon me. Not everyone is as lucky as I am. "Look at the time we'll have to go now." Right, it was Sunday which means we're going to church. I always like going there, the windows astound me everytime. And the pastor is always so welcoming and friendly. I vividly remember asking him about the lgbtq community after Y/n had told me about them. He said that God loves everyone regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. He truly is a wise man.

As soon as we returned my father got a call from a business partner. They said they'd have to go now and want me to take Yeontan with me to my meet up. While I was a bit saddened that I couldn't be alone with my God/Goddess I decided it wouldn't be a problem.

Yeontan excitedly trots besides me as I make my way to the place where my saviour and I would meet up. I debated getting them a bouquet of red roses for Valentines day, but figured that the 20 letters, 12 stuffed animals and 18 bouquets I gave them during the past week would be enough, for now. As I make my way there I couldn't conceal the excitement I felt. Getting the chance to spend time with my Master/Mistress was something I believed I'd only ever dream about. The euphoria I feel from the mere thought of getting to see them today is dizzying.

Suddenly Yeontan starts barking and storms off. He never leaves my side, that's why he's not kept on a leash. To see him run away from me like that was surprising at best. But then I notice the reason for his behaviour. The puppy ran towards Y/n who was waiting for me a few metres away. How could I have just ignored my saviour like that! What I did was unacceptable. I would punish myself, but it would likely ruin Y/n's day, I can't let that happen. So I run after Yeontan, towards my God/Goddess.

"Good morning, Y/n! I'm sorry about him." I look down at Yeontan who's still getting pet by Y/n. He better cherish that they're even looking at him. It's bad enough that he practically demanded pats from them. So disrespectful. "No worries. He's so adorable!" At least Y/n seemed to enjoy his behaviour. I doubt it would work if I behaved that way towards them, but that's for another day to find out. "I dearly hope you didn't have to wait too long." They smile up at me. Oh, their smile is to die for. So incredibly perfect! I feel my knees getting weak. "Don't worry about it. I just arrived too." Yeontan started barking again and was noe excitedly jumping around, making Y/n laugh. "Awe! Yeontan is so adorable. I didn't know you'd take him with you." "It was unexpected for me as well." They stand up and take my hand. My heart is beating so fast, I feel as if I'm about to explode. It's getting harder to breathe. "Let's go now!" We start walking along the path with Yeontan rushing after us.

We sat outside a small café and each ordered our desired dessert. "Have you ever been on a date?" That question caught me off guard. "Oh, no. I haven't." I believe that much was quite obvious, but perhaps I was mistaken. They look surprised, shocked almost. "Really? How come? Aren't you getting asked out left and right?" "I suppose I just never had interest in anyone. I barely know those who ask me out. They're all so shallow to confess without knowing anything about me." Just then the waiter returned with our desserts. We thank him before we start eating.

Both of us watch as Yeontan is running around and playing in the snow. I look over to see Y/n smile at him, leading me to also smile. I adore their smile. Everything about them is so perfect. I could stare at them for hours and never get bored. Each detail is something new, something beautiful to discover. Unable to take y eyes off them I-

"Excuse me." Who dares interrupt my special time with my God/Goddess?! Two girls stood next our table. One almost cowering behind the other and mumbling something along the lines of, "Oh my god, no. Jess, don't." But I really couldn't care less. "My friend thinks you're really cute and was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with her." So annoying. I eye them down and make one thing clear. "I'm not interested." The girl cowering behind the other looked disappointed, perhaps ashamed. Good. She should be. After they interrupted my date with the Y/n they can go burn for all I care. "Have a good day." After the girls back away with the other girl exclaiming, "What a jerk!" I turn my attention back to Y/n. "Uhm, wasn't that a bit harsh?" They looked unsure. "Was it? I thought it was reasonable. Better to tell the truth than lead them on, am I correct?" They took another bite of their dessert. "I guess you're right."

We had a grand time strolling through the park, even having a snowball fight. They won. Obviously I could not compete with my God/Goddess, no one could ever. Yeontan was also very entertained as he kept trying to catch the snowballs as they flew over his head. Soon the sun began setting. It was incredible how fast the time flew by. Both our clothes were slightly damp due to the snow. I didn't think much about it untill Y/n began shivering. No no no no! My saviour could get sick, or die! I couldn't let that happen. I take off my jacket and gently place it over their shoulders. "But, won't you be cold?" I give them a reassured smile. "Don't worry about me, my God/Goddess. If I may, I'd love to accompany on your way home." They let out a bashful chuckle, making me melt. I feel my entire body heating up from that gorgeous chuckle. Their power over me is simply astounding.

All the way home I keep my arm atound them in hopes of providing some form of warmth for them. I cannot bear knowing that they're freezing. Never would I be able to forgive myself if they'd catch a cold. Yeontan was also slowly getting tired, which was by bo means a surprise considering how he played and jumped around all day. "Thank you for bring me home, Taehyung." Hearing them say my name makes my entire body tingle and flutter. "You do not have to thank me, Y/n. It was an honour!" Whatever I expected, it was not feeling their lips against mine. My mind went blank and I could barely stand. I felt dizzy, yet so so good! They gave me my jacket back after the short peck and laughed. "Goodnight!" Then they went inside and closed the door. I stood there for a moment, shocked at what had happened yet freling absolute bliss. After a minute or so I manage to finally pull myself together. I put on my jacket, it smells like them! And then I picked Yeontan up and walked home.

Oh, this day was the best I've ever had!

If you liked my work please reblog! 💌

[toomanyfandoms02]

The Transporter ~Part Three~ // Spencer Reid x Reader

Sorry this took so long!! I have been so busy with work lately, but here she is.

Word count ~ 2,900+

Hope you guys like it :))

I stepped back through the transporter to be met with an empty room. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It read 10:15, that wasn't *that* late. Christine is probably still awake.

I made my way to her room, which wasn't incredibly far from mine. Her door was cracked open and I could see her laying in bed, reading a book in the semi dim lighting. I knocked lightly, pulling her out of her fictional world of Harry Potter.

"Oh! Y/n, I didn't think you were coming back tonight. How was everything?" She gently set her bookmark in the book, placing it on her nightstand.

I couldn't hold back the smile on my face. It was the coolest day of my life, what could I say?

"It was so amazing Christine! I accidentally set myself right into an investigation that I knew about. I met all of them, and it felt different than I thought I would-"

"Did you talk to Spencer?" She asked, nudging my side. I could feel the blood rush to my face.

"Uh, yes." I smiled, looking down at her star clad comforter. "It was incredibly surreal and I can't wait to go back. It was kind of a funny interaction, the first one. He asked me to profile him, which was obviously easy because I know him like the back of my hand. Well I thought that was gonna be the end of our interaction that day. But I accidentally left my laptop at the Bureau."

"Oh yeah *accidentally*." She smiled, throwing air quotes.

"Shush, it was actually an accident." I giggled. "Anyway, he looked up my address I guess and he brought it to me. It was sweet."

"I guess now he knows where to send flowers." I shook my head with a smile. "Well I'm glad you had fun. I hope everything works out well, don't forget there's an actual case though." She winked.

"Thanks Christine, for everything." I waved as I slinked out of the room and down the hall.

I flopped down onto my bed with a simple grin, quickly falling asleep after my eventful day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I slapped my hand over my phone as the alarm began blaring at 9:30. I wanted to fully commit to this whole thing, just like I was in real life. But in reality, I was waking up pretty late, considering I was going to go into their universe at 8:30.

It appeared that Christine was already awake, she was softly knocking at my slightly cracked door.

"Hey sweetie, I take it you wanna head out soon?"

"Yeah! And I'm gonna have to be gone for a couple of days for the case. Get all integrated and such. Is that alright?"

"Yeah of course! Just document some experiences, or anything that seems weird or off about their universe." Chris left the room, shutting my door with a light thud.

I slipped on a white button up, putting a maroon sweater over it to add my own little touch. I looked in the mirror to make sure my dress pants were fitting me correctly and stepped into my two inch black heels.

Since I would be gone for a few days, I grabbed a suitcase plus my go-bag that I had already had from my time interning. The navy blue bag was slung over my shoulder as I walked out my door, immediately bumping into someone. I looked up to see who I remembered as Violet Glynn, who went into the Zombieland Universe.

"Sorry, Violet, right?" I shook her hand. "How's your universe going? I've always loved that movie. Please tell me Columbus is just as sweet and endearing as he is in the actual film?"

I could see her eyes light up with glee, clearly she hadn't had anyone to fangirl properly to, I could tell she was about to explode with information.

"Yes! He is incredibly kind. Talahassee is already trying to dad me, Little Rock and I are already pretty good friends but Witchita is still kinda weary of me, which is understandable. I talked to Ryan, and he said I can only change a few major things so one I chose to do was to keep Columbus from killing Bill Murray. Bill is so fun to live with so far! I just - I am totally talking about myself for too long. How is everything going for you?" I offered her a kind smile of reassurance.

"It's completely fine, I get your excitement. It's really cool, kinda different from the real job I was working. Maybe that's because I'm permanently gawking at one of my coworkers." We both laughed for a moment. "But I'm gonna be gone with him for like 3 days straight so, I guess I'm gonna have to figure something out. When I come back we should talk more." Violet nodded enthusiastically and waved as we walked to our Transporter rooms.

"Of course! See you in a few days."

I could hear Christine's heels clicking not far behind me as I began typing in the date and time.

*February 12th, 8:30 am. 2009*

"Good luck, I will see you in a few days time, yeah?"

"Yep!" I shoved my 'Come back device' in my go-bag and turned on it's much larger counterpart, nodding at Chris as I stepped in.

I was immediately greeted by my apartments bedroom, I could hear my phone buzzing on my side table. I lifted it to see a text from a certain favorite person of mine, and she didn't even know me yet.

*Penelope G*

*Hey sweets! The plane will be ready to be boarded at 9:15. The team is meeting at the BAU first for a carpool, so be there or be square! Have a good time on your first mission, from what I've seen, you're pretty amazing. :)*

I held back a small smile from my lips, this world is just as good as I always wanted it to be.

*Thank you M'lady. I've heard amazing things about you. I hope we can gossip sometime! ;)*

I sent the text and slipped my phone into my back pocket. I chucked a piece of toast in the toaster, quickly spreading peanut butter on it and checking my watch.

*8:45*

I began my walk to the BAU, probably looking extremely weird walking down the street in work attire and a piece of toast slathered with peanut butter. But I was pretty content, continuing to eat it as I reached the doors of my favorite place.

I brushed my hands together to rid of the many crumbs that had accumulated there, seeing JJ and Penelope talking at Jennifer's desk.

"Y/n! Come over here." Penelope waved me over, I pulled at the sleeves of my sweater as I walked over as confidently as possible. "Are you ready for your first case?" She leaned in a little, clearly trying to search my face for a quicker answer.

"Yeah, I think I'm pretty ready. I've done this kinda stuff before but, I'm way more nervous about this."

"I wouldn't worry to much about. I think you already impressed Hotch and Spencer, you read people extremely well. Did you seriously gather all that stuff from Reid just by knowing him for a few minutes?" JJ was clearly now invested.

"Well, yeah. He's relatively easy to read, as long as you're paying attention." JJ nodded with a smirk.

"Well, you certainly made a good first impression, you honestly sound a lot like Reid, maybe you can..." I watched as she peered behind me, her words trailing off. Her eyes darted back and forth between me and whatever was happening behind me. I whipped my head around to see Spencer walking in, he was distracted my a book, which made me smile. But that smile quickly faded as I scanned my eyes over his outfit.

He was wearing a white button up with a black tie and a maroon vest over it with black dress pants. Sound familiar? All but the black tie.

"Maybe you are even more like Reid than I thought." JJ smirked at me. All the blood had run to my face and my feet felt bolted to the ground. Why this? Why on my first official day? I could hear Garcia holding back a laugh behind me.

"This is adorable I'm sorry." She said, giggling a little.

Spencer finally looked up from his book, hearing Penelope laughing. He furrowed his eyebrows, squinting a bit. Probably wondering why I looked like a deer in headlights. He looked down at himself.

Then back up at me.

Then down at himself again.

He just smiled at me and closed his book all the way, adjusting the go-bag he held on his shoulder. I nearly dropped mine.

"What just happened?" Penelope nudged my shoulder. I shrugged and shook my head.

This was clearly going to be quite the day.

I ended up carpooling with JJ, Morgan and Reid. JJ and I sat in the back while Morgan drove, Spencer spitting facts to him about cars and traffic.

"Well, according to the DC Department of Motor Vehicles, there are almost 450,000 active drivers registered in the District. However, millions more drivers commute to DC from neighboring communities in Maryland and Virginia. D.C. is also host to millions of tourists from around the world. In 2014, more than 20 million people visited D.C., many of them renting a car or driving their own vehicle to visit." He rambled.

"Reid, all I said was there was a lot of traffic today."

"I mean he's right though." I piped in. Spence looked back at me with confused eyes. "Washington D.C. is also home to some of the worst traffic in the country. Analysts estimate that the average driver will spend 7 hours a year in traffic, wasting 6 gallons of gas. However, for D.C. drivers, one estimate found the average driver is spending 67 hours a year in traffic, wasting 32 gallons of gas while sitting in traffic." I think hearing him so much on the show, made me a little bit like him in some ways, my friends always rolled their eyes at me whenever I rambled. The only real one who listens is my uncle. He had turned around, but I could tell he was smiling.

Success.

"Good lord there's two of them."

I'll take that as a compliment.

We boarded the plane and I decided on a window seat, leaning my head up against the cold glass. My hand was unknowingly gripping the armrest a little too tightly.

"Are you a nervous flier?" I would obviously know that voice from anywhere, but right now it was coming from right across from me. I leaned my head back on the headrest.

"Not necessarily, I've flown quite a few times. I've just never been in a jet."

"The key difference between jets and propeller planes is that jets produce thrust through the discharge of gas instead of powering a drive shaft linked to a propeller. This allows jets to fly faster and at higher altitudes." He loosened his tie a little. "So I wouldn't worry too much, it feels about the same."

"Well thank you."

It was silent for a bit, but once we were in the sky we began talking about the case. Emily was talking about how she wants to be cremated because being buried was gross and weird.

"I actually agree with you. I think cremation is more personal too, I want someone to sprinkle my ashes somewhere. Not have to visit my grave and waste money on flowers every year."

Me and Emily got into that conversation as the rest of the team slowly started to do their own things. Spencer was back to reading his book, one page every 5 seconds. He peered over his book for a moment, but only a moment.

"I like your outfit by the way." He mumbled, still focused on his book, he lowered it a bit. I could see a smirk creeping onto his features. My ears began burning as the blood rushed to them.

"Thanks." I really wanted to say more to him, but it felt like my jaw was wired shut.

Morgan was not so discreetly looking over at us with eyebrows raised. But I kept my eyes out the window.

We landed about 2 hours later. I had kept myself occupied by writing down everything that just happened, so I wouldn't forget, and for Christine.

"Morgan, Reid, y/l/n, you go with the police search party and find what you can. Prentiss and I will talk to their chief. Rossi and JJ, set us up in the station."

Once we were there, we were put on a search party with the police, they quickly found the body of another woman covered in mud and holding a cross necklace. We were bringing the evidence back to the station with the others. On the way back, Spencer was telling me about the history of gold cross necklaces. I could practically hear Morgan rolling his eyes the whole time, but I just loved hearing him talk.

Once we were there, Rossi showed his blatant coldness towards the psychic that was telling a scared mother that her daughter was okay. Hotch began sending us off again, and we were off to see the bodies.

Days here moved so fast.

Once we arrived I stared at the body on the table. I lightly touched her arm, cold as ice. Seeing these body through the screen was one thing, but knowing these are real people, it's even more sad. Of course I had seen many bodies in my time, but the thought that this wasn't fictional anymore made my stomach churn a little.

"I found trace amounts of seamen, but there is no sign of sexual assault."

"Are you saying this was consensual?" Spencer tilted his head a bit. No no sweet child.

"She's saying it's happening post-mortem." I said, looking down a little. Morgan nodded and Reids face scrunched. This poor woman.

I knew I couldn't change much, because that could royally screw some stuff up, si throughout the whole thing I decided I would change things little by little to move it along faster. What I did this time was make it so we didn't waste time and interrogate the random man who was accused of being a necrophiliac, because his timeline wouldn't match up.

We made it to the house just a smidge earlier, Brooke was found on the operating table in the abandoned home, completely fine.

The days had become exhausting, as soon as we got on the jet I sat in the same seat, dropping my bag down and grabbing a small pillow out of it. I set the pillow against the window and drifted off to sleep fast.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to JJ shaking my shoulder, opening my eyes to see a blanket that read *e=mc²* all over it.

"What is this?"

"Oh, I believe Spence put that on you while you were asleep. You were shivering and he happened to have it in his go-bag I guess." She shrugged. "Everyone is heading home, so you want a ride?"

"That would be amazing, thank you."

"No problem."

It was only 5 pm, and Christine wouldn't be expecting me back until tomorrow. So I decided I was gonna get some stuff done with my time, more specifically one big thing.

I grabbed the wad of money that Chris had given me and waved down a taxi. I had them take me to the nearest car dealership. I made a hasty decision and bought a 2007 Mini Cooper. Now I could do what I really wanted.

I looked up Spencer's address and grabbed his blanket, which I had neatly folded and threw on my coffee table. He appeared to live around 15 minutes away by car.

Once I was there, nerves had set in, but I ignored them as I reached the door and knocked 3 times.

I heard a faint "Coming!" From the other side of the dark oak door. He answered with his phone propped up on his shoulder, talking to someone.

"Sorry Mom, I gotta go, love you." He hung up and pulled his phone from his ear. "Hey, what are you doing here."

I presented his blanket to him.

"I figured I would return the favor of you bringing me my laptop by bringing you your blanket." I flopped it into his outstretched arms.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." He smiled, bringing the blanket to his chest. "Would you like to come in?" He brought his hand to the collar of his shirt, attempting to loosen the strain it clearly had on his neck. "I just made a pot of coffee. And since you're just about the only one who actually listens to my ridiculous amount of rambling, I figured we could ramble together? I mean I don't know you very well and I honestly want to be the first to befriend you, you're very intriguingly different. Not in any kind of bad way I just-" His face was slowly getting more red and I could see that his grip on the poor blanket was almost white knuckle.

"I would love to." I stepped into his apartment with a sigh.

Was this a dream?

Maybe.

If so, I wanna be asleep *forever*.

Taglist!!

@natibugg31

@onceupona-diamond

@buck-barn

@cyndagoaway

[wellknownwolf]

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha (5)

First, let me post the full question, since it came in 5 parts:

Hey, it's me again. Your 'mystery inquirer', as you so adorably dubbed me. You're right, I had forgotten I'd sent in that ask. Just now, I couldn't help but think about a scene from Life After, as I am wont to on a frightfully regular basis, which is what got me back here. When you said you pondered over my seemingly simple, banal question for a good while, and wrote out a beautifully thoughtful answer like you always do, it made me happy.

Your narrative voice is similar to my own, and it made my chest ache in a certain way to have gotten such a response to what felt like a random shout out into the abyss (though it obviously wasn't, I sent it directly to you, I guess it's more what it felt like taking a chance on a conversation with a random stranger online). And now I'm cringing a bit at how melodramatic all sounds. But I'm committing to it, anyway. That's the beauty of anon, eh?

Wolfie (is it presumptuous to call you that? Please do forgive me the liberty I'm taking), I must admit. I'm quite envious of this community you have with @missingparentheses, @lunar-winterlude, and other wonderful people. Since childhood, I've been head over heels in love with fandom. Not a specific fandom, I've been a traveller through dozens, but fandom in general. I've read probably thousands of fanfics, spent countless hours daydreaming about beloved characters and their stories.

To the point where, in my most recent and worst depressive episode, it may have been for the worse, if I'm honest. Escapism and yearning to the point of impairment, engendering a sense of constant bereavement. But it's taught me so much about life and its wonders, I can't write it off as just some damaging habit. It's such an integral part of who I am, a deeply curious soul (shout out to my Enneagram Type 5-ers out there!). But I don't anyone to share it with, and it can get quite lonely.

I want to move into a new phase in my relationship with fandom, as I mature with new experiences. I'm not sure what exactly that looks like though. What is your take on the parasocial affection inherent in an RPF like Rhett & Link? Or even the deep attachments that can form with fictional characters? Or a desire to emulate fantasy worlds? I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable with all this, it's just that it's been a long time coming, and once I got started I couldn't stop. - Natasha

.....................................................................

Thank you for giving me so much to respond to, Natasha.  Thank you for continuing to reach out.   I accidentally wrote something like a paper in response to your thoughtful question.  I even conducted a little research and cited a source.  ENGLISH TEACHER, ACTIVATE!

Also, for what it’s worth, I feel at times that I communicate exclusively through shouts into the abyss, so it’s a language with which I am at home.  In fact, it is this very technique, this experiment with intense vulnerability at the hands of a virtual stranger, that earned me one of my absolutely most-treasured friends: @missingparentheses.  I have poured out a great deal of my own melodrama to her, and she has received it and reciprocated it in a way that, three years later, continues to teach me how to be a better friend.  In short, I’m a firm believer in diving straight in when it comes to new friends.  Cringe not; I’m on board.

So let’s dive.

R&L is really only the second “fandom” with which I’ve been involved.  Third, if we count my preteen obsession with ‘N Sync (and considering how much wall space I dedicated to their posters and self-printed photos, we probably should).  My point is, while I don’t have much experience with the community facet of fandom, I do relate to your feeling of near-obsession.  Or clear obsession.  

I know the feeling of escapism you’re describing, and I know the yearning and melancholy that can come on our worst days, where we feel like “real life” will never measure up to the color and brilliance of the worlds we spend so much time considering. These worlds, these characters and their relationships, their challenges, victories, and defeats all seem so purposeful: they’re the plot points we use to craft the stories in our heads (regardless of whether we’re writers at all).  It can be much harder to view ourselves as protagonists worth analyzing, viewing and reviewing through new lenses, perhaps because we’re warned against navel-gazing, perhaps because our self-perception just won’t allow for it.  Maybe a little of both.

But yes!  It teaches us!  We DO learn about life, other people, love, risk, all kinds of things through what we consume in these fandoms, so I would never classify it as a “bad” thing.  We hone our imaginations and learn to pay attention to our own emotions as we recognize feelings from our favorite shows, games, books, and characters arising in ourselves.  

I used to be a little afraid of the fact that I was always telling myself stories, internally imagining myself as someone else, a player in the worlds I often loved more than my own.  I suspected that someday, somehow, I would be caught playing pretend all the time in my own little ways.  I was a bright and ambitious young woman, so why would I give so much of my mental energy to such frivolous pursuits?

In my first semester of graduate school, though, I learned from a Lit. Theory professor who intimidated the hell out of me that we all do this.  We’re all telling ourselves stories all the time, some of which are true and close to objective reality, some of which are more subjective to whatever fantastical (or fandom) material we last consumed.  I’ve whispered my own dialogue in the shower, but so have you whispered yours in your head (if not also out loud in your shower!).  And through this act, however it is performed, I have made those worlds part of my own.  So have you.  In this way, they are real, and I no longer feel fearful of being “found out.”  

When we have those moments of doubt, though, when we wonder whether we’re going too far, it probably stems, at least partially, from the “us v. them” divide between fandom and mainstream society.  We love our little worlds, but we also feel that twinge of anxiety that we might be bordering on obsession, that our guilty pleasure might be discovered and we will be socially punished for it, namely, as Joli Jensen writes in “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization,” because “the fan is characterized as (at least potentially) an obsessed loner, suffering from a disease of isolation, or a frenzied crowd member, suffering from a disease of contagion. In either case, the fan is seen as being irrational, out of control, and prey to a number of external forces” (13). According the consistent covert (and overt, at times) messages of the mainstream, “[f]andom is conceived of as a chronic attempt to compensate for a perceived personal lack of autonomy, absence of community, incomplete identity, lack of power and lack of recognition” (Jensen 17).  Yikes.  That doesn’t feel good to admit about ourselves, does it?  

Luckily, it’s bullshit.

Treating “fans” as others (outsiders, people who can’t form relationships or find fulfillment in the “real world”) “risks denigrating them in ways that are insulting and absurd” (Jensen 25).  Those who take this stance, who see fans as victims of hysteria or desperate loners, do so in order to “develop and defend a self-serving moral landscape.  That terrain cultivates in us a dishonorable moral stance of superiority, because it makes other into examples of extrinsic forces, while implying that we [members solely of the mainstream] somehow remain pure, autonomous, ad unafflicted” (Jensen 25).  In short, that us/them thinking just makes people feel better about themselves by pointing out an easily-identifiable “other.”

 I have also grappled with the concept of parasocial affection, particularly with R&L.  I was well into writing my first Rhink fic when the thought crossed my mind, “Oh my god, what if I actually met these people someday?  How would I look them in the eye?  I’d feel like a crazy person (again)!”  From the safety of the Midwest, I laughed off the thought.  And then a year or so later, they were announcing their first tour. And I was still writing, here and there, still deep in my affection for them, sometimes wrestling with the thought that I’ve devoted so much energy to people who would never know I exist.  

It doesn’t matter that the attachment was in the most obvious, tangible ways only one-sided.  As an adult who is ever-learning how to navigate the worlds of her own creation and the ones over which she has far less control, I view my intense attachment to characters both real and fictional with deep fondness.   And while I may not receive affection or attention directly from the sources (R&L, fictional characters, sports teams, who/whatever we build fandoms around), I am still earning some very real rewards for my involvement: Because of them, I found my way to a participatory culture in which I was supported and encouraged to express my creativity.  This gave me the push and interest that I needed to hone skills that have not only made me a better writer, but also a better teacher and mentor.  With fandom comes the ability to immediately strike up a conversation over shared interests. With fandom comes a sense of belonging in what we have proven is an awfully divisive world.  

Right now, I’m consuming far less fandom-related material than I did a few years ago.  I don’t really watch GMM anymore and I’m on a break from Ear Biscuits (though I still love it), Gotham ended over a year ago and I’m not in the habit of reading fics right now, and I can’t yet play the remade Final Fantasy 7, so that’s out for me, too (though I know I will fall deep into that well once the game is in my hot little hands).  This all happened by itself.  I never consciously moved away from these sources; I just floated on to other interests and other levels of interest, knowing that if and when I wanted to dig back in, I could always come back.  

I used to feel quite sad at the thought of someday “moving on” from these intense interests.  I couldn’t fathom somehow falling out of love with those bands, actors, or video games.  But for me, the transition into wherever I am now has not been painful in the least.  I’m glad I knew the intensity that I did, and I’m happy with the distance I have now. And there’s a good chance I’ll be fanatic about something else someday.  I’m looking forward to it!

 Here are some responses that I couldn’t organically fit into my essay:

Yes, you can call me Wolfie if you’d like.  That name started with @missingparentheses (her second appearance in this answer!), and quickly became a reminder to not take myself too seriously.  

Second, I don’t think I know any other Type 5s!  I’m a type 8. 

Also, here’s my MLA formatted citation for the Jensen source:

Jensen, Joli. “Fandom as Pathology: The Consequences of Characterization.”   The Adoring Audience: Fan Culture and Popular Media, Routledge, 1992, pp. 9-29.