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mittensmorgul · 4 years ago

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For anyone interested in long-term residence in the supernatural fandom, please have some observations I’ve made over the decade I’ve been here. Take it or leave it as you will, but I’ve found all of this info useful over the years I’ve been here.

I wrote this yesterday, and it achieved its mission of identifying the sort of folks who would react negatively to it (i.e. a lot of block lists have been updated), so now that it’s been edited for content, it’s going under a cut (because that is how we do things on tumblr in general, unless we have a deliberate purpose for annoying readers with excessively long text posts) for the sake of people who actually do care about the fandom and its history. If that’s not you or your reason for being here, then keep on keeping on with your own thing, I guess. For those who are interested, there’s a lot of fandom resources some of us have been building for years that you might enjoy knowing about.

First off, I’ve been informed by a few friends who’ve read through this for coherency’s sake that it sort of reads like a *shakes cane from porch* fandom grandma complaint, but honestly... I earned this rocking chair and goshdangit imma rock now. So apologies for any “back in my day” vibes or faint aroma of tiger balm this post might give off. Then again, it’s loosely based on a similar post from 2012 so like... time is a flat circle anyway I guess.

1. There is no such thing as “tumblr famous,” unless you’re referring to the hilarious and delightful fic of the same name (please go read it, you will cackle). Posting Hot Takes for imaginary Clout™ on this site is kind of pointless in the long run. Sure you can post solely for the sake of stirring shit and getting notes, but the majority of the folks who do aren’t long term residents of the fandom. They’re just tourists moving through our little beach town for spring break. If you’re actually intent on moving to this corner of the fandom for an extended stay, please bother to really feel out the permanent residents and understand the culture and general mood of the neighborhood. It bears no resemblance to whatever’s going on across town where all the bars and beach parities are happening, and those loud, drunken revelers are, again, gonna disappear back to their regular lives or on to the next party eventually. That doesn’t mean the fandom is dying, it’s just evolving.

(funny how I had several comments implying that I’m just trying to keep the fandom from evolving with this post, because I sincerely do want the fandom to continue on for years to come, and that is impossible without evolution. We can evolve without self-immolating, though. mostly i included point 1 for an excuse to push ancient but hilarious fanfic on you.)

2. Once you post something here, it’s been unleashed to the fandom winds. You never know where it will end up, or who will comment on it or add to it. Remember that time Misha tweeted the link to the Epic Cockles Love Story post? No? It was wild. That was 2012. They all know we’re here, and how to find us if they want to. Please don’t take it to their doorsteps.

Obviously if someone is being a dick on your posts, please feel free to block them, but the whole entire point of this site is to engage people with your posts. Being big mad that someone reblogged your post with comments or supporting evidence, or happy headcanons or “HECK THIS IS GREAT BECAUSE (insert personal story about their experience or whatever else made them Feel Things about your post)” is frankly ridiculous. If your goal is to avoid any sort of engagement with your posts, then maybe try instagram instead. From what I understand, there is a SPN fandom presence there, and nobody can tarnish your original posts with unwanted commentary. But the ability to reblog with additional commentary is a FEATURE of tumblr that builds community through conversation. Otherwise we’re all just talking to ourselves in a vacuum, and that’s what actually kills fandoms.

(and for the folks who just want to blog how they want to blog and don’t want people to engage on their posts at all, please feel free to block anyone you want, as well... nobody wants to step on your toes, but most of us also don’t want to walk on eggshells wondering if this post is one of the “do not add comments for any reason” sorts of posts, either. This is a huge fandom and most people can’t even begin to keep track of every creator and their url du jour, and what their personal rules might be regarding interaction with their content. Including a “please don’t add comments” note at the bottom of your posts-- and not in your tags that won’t even show up on reblogs, but in the actual body of the post-- would sincerely help avoid any awkward or unwanted interactions, too. At the end of the day, you are in control of your own fandom experience and the block button exists.

For the record, I block zero fandom blogs (which is why I posted this, I wanted it to reach a wide scope... refer to the opening paragraphs as to why).

3. Since this post was partly inspired by a tag I left on that post going around about how “previous tags” mean fuckall on this site (which you can read here), just a reminder that if you like someone’s tags or feel they add value to the post, part of the Peer Review structure of tumblr encourages you to PASTE THEM INTO A REBLOG. If you do this, then at least credit the person who actually wrote the tags! Don’t just copy someone else’s tags into your tags on your reblog of the post without credit either. They were not YOUR tags. (I have had this happen to tag rambles I wrote and someone else got credited with them on a subsequent reblog and it is FRUSTRATING). Just... don’t even bother to write “previous tags” because WHAT PREVIOUS TAGS?! Nobody is gonna bother to chase back the chain of reblogs trying to find where the mystery tags came from, friendos. That way lies madness.

(for the record, since some folks seemed to focus on this point solely, writing “previous tags” on a post isn’t inherently a BAD thing, but for anyone who actually is here for more than one-off shitposting, then it’s sort of a pointless thing in the long run. This wasn’t intended to suggest people who ARE here for one-off shitposting are bad or “doing it wrong,” but for people who might actually want to preserve that hilarious joke or insightful comment. People delete posts and entire blogs all the time around here. Links break. I get that the upcoming generation just shrugs at that and moves on with their lives, but heck... you don’t have to accept that all entertainment is disposable if you don’t want to. There’s a bizarre sort of nihilism plaguing us all about the impermanence of pretty much everything that feels like something we should be fighting against rather than buying into wholesale, even in our escapist entertainment. I’m just exhausted by the complete loss of joy in community.

*shouts from the peanut gallery* IT AIN’T THAT DEEP, JUST GET SOME FRESH AIR AND LOOK AT A PUPPY OR SOMETHING

Yes... yes it isn’t really that deep, but bigger picture in the state of reality we’re all entirely disillusioned with, are we supposed to just give up on everything, including the things we cling to because they bring us a tiny spark of hope that we’re not all just trapped in this dystopian nightmare and things might actually be worth living for?

*peanut gallery clinging to burnt husks of peanuts in a barren peanut field* but this is how we have chosen to cope

Okay... you do you... I feel bad for you but if that’s the case then this post is NOT FOR YOU. AND THAT’S FINE. I honestly do not care if you don’t care! I mean, I’m sorry anyone has to live in a world that drives them to that mindset, but I understand. This post is for anyone who might look at their lives and their choices and think “no wait, I unironically enjoy this and want more from the experience of that enjoyment than I’m currently feeling.” Everyone else can continue with their lives as usual.)

4. CONTENT THEFT IS NEVER OKAY. PERIOD. Things like “credit to the artist” or tagging gifs or images you found on pinterest as “not mine” isn’t actually credit. If you can’t source an image or gif set, DO NOT POST IT! We don’t REPOST (i.e. save an image and then create a new post with it as if it was our own creation). We REBLOG (click the little square arrows and reblog from the actual creator). That goes for gif sets, fanvids, screencaps, meta, fic... everything.

(hopefully everyone here already understands this one, but I felt compelled to include some “these are stupidly obvious” reminders anyway, since this is ostensibly some sort of advice column. This is the equivalent of the warning label on your toaster reminding you not to use it in the bath. Like... duh...)

5. Close kin of item 4 is SOURCE YOUR SHIT.

(for 100% disclosure purposes, I specifically discussed this one in this specific way because of an influx of anon ask messages I received in the wake of the finale. Literally the inciting incident for creating this entire post was what I can only assume was a joking ask about a comment Misha made at a con years ago. Someone actually bothered to take the time to type out those sentences to me. I have no idea what they were expecting in reply, or what could possibly motivate them to send this comment about something so entirely random from, again, several years ago. Just a joke? No idea, but whatever... it got me thinking that there might actually be people who are new to the fandom who MIGHT actually care about the fandom history, and maybe they just don’t know where to go for that info, or how to even begin searching through 16 years of history for things they might actually find enjoyment in, rather than just hauling random out of context garbage out on main and pointing and laughing about it now. People are actually allowed to care about things. It’s not cringeworthy to actually care about things, and you are not alone in actually caring, and there’s this whole big room over here full of people who are thrilled to share in that with you. This post is intended FOR THOSE PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY, so if that is not you, please just continue walking by.)

Yes, I know lots of y’all are new around here right now, but dredging up stuff from years ago that fandom has completely debunked and presenting it as TRU FAX again is just exhausting. We’re not trying to be party poopers, but seriously, we have seen it all and are mostly done with extinguishing bags of flaming dog poop on our front porches for the umpteenth year in a row. I’ve seen a lot of posts that have the same tone as “I saw Goody Proctor dancing with the devil” or “I heard kylo ren has an eight pack” and just... the information is there for anyone who cares enough to find it.

This goes double for “why is nobody talking about this thing I just discovered while watching the show for the first time?!” And, oh hon, we have talked it all into the ground over the last fifteen years. We’re happy you’re discovering it again, but I promise we talked about it plenty when the episodes originally aired. We have such a rich meta history that lots of us have worked really hard to preserve. I encourage you to seek it out, if nothing else than as historical artifacts. The way we have discussed the show has been a 16-year evolution. People have written literal doctoral dissertations on this show. Your shitposts are fun! We love reliving our own experience through fresh eyes, and seeing your wonder at experiencing it all again for the first time! But y’all didn’t invent this fandom in the last six months, either.

Meta Sources and Minerals provided by our friendly neighborhood fandom archivist, @lets-steal-an-archive

Academic books and articles about SPN

A collection of Meta Essays going back to s1 and organized by topic (all of this has happened before, all of it will happen again)

SPN Heavy Meta Archive (s1-3)

Mel’s Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-12)

Oranges8hands Dreamwidth archive of meta (s1-15, with many similar entries to Mel’s... though ymmv on viewpoint in a lot of these too)

Anyone remember Fandom Wank? Not the concept but the actual LJ... No? Okay have a link to SPN topics that ended up there. Through 2013. We have seen so much... including several fandom containment breaches.

for all your art sourcing needs, please see @theroadsofararchive, the repository for so much fandom art.

need to find a gif of something? canonspngifs is a vast repository of gifsets of the entire series. If the gif you want to use in your post happens to be the first gif in the gifset, in the tumblr gif finder thingy just paste the permalink to that post from canonspngifs (which is easily searchable by episode, character, location, situation, quotes, and sometimes even color and clothing items the actors are wearing... it’s really well organized, especially for tumblr >.>) and the first gif will be automatically linked with credit to the gif creator attached. It makes life easy that way. It’s also convenient when trying to remember something specific but can’t remember what episode it’s from. I’ve used the site to jog my memory before going to the superwiki armed with more specific search results to find episode quotes and references. Or sometimes I just scroll through all the nice gifs for fun, too.

Need a screencap of something and know exactly which episode it’s from? Try Home of the Nutty. You might not find the exact screencap you’re looking for, but they have a complete set of caps of every episode, and it’s an incredibly useful resource for quick reference checks and the like. Just give pages a chance to fully load before clicking on the next one. The site is easily overloaded, but it’s still free to use (and again, with credit... Pretty much every screencap on my entire blog is from HotN unless otherwise credited).

As you can see, this is a fandom built on preserving our history. You absolutely are not required to engage with any of this if that’s not of interest to you, but I can only assume that there are people who would be interested in it if only they knew it existed and how to find it. Well, now they do.

6. A few more notes on tags, and how they work on tumblr. The first 20 tags on your ORIGINAL posts are searchable sitewide, so if you want to be able to find something again, tag that thing first before going on general tag rambles. The only place tags on reblogs are searchable is on your own blog. So you don’t have to put 50 tags trying to get a post seen if it’s a reblog. You’re just spitting into the wind at that point. If you have a filing system for finding things again, then by all means add those tags (again, in the first 20, so they’re searchable), but you don’t need to tag a reblog “destiel” and “deancas” and “dean” and “cas” and “dean x cas” or whatever. Pick one for your personal blog’s filing system, that’s all you need.

(this was only added because tagging and searching on this site is so very broken... I get that a lot of folks don’t care about ever searching their own blogs again for anything, so this one only really applies if you do often find yourself trying to find old posts. If not, then it’s not really relevant. It took me years to work out a decent tagging system, and at the beginning of my time here I never thought I’d end up camping out here for a decade and falling this deep into the fandom, and I regretted my lack of consistent tags only years later when I realized I actually wanted to be able to go back and find specific old posts again. So... for anyone who wants to err on the side of caution, working out a sensible tagging system really helps if you’re here for the long term. I personally tag content by episode, because some of my other general tags are so large as to be practically useless as a search term. But whatever system you choose to file stuff on your own blog, it really only has to make sense to you. And again, if this is pointless advice for someone who has no intention of settling here for the long term. Please feel free to ignore it. I just wish someone had explained it this way to me ten years ago and saved me the hassle of retroactively tagging something like 30k posts... especially now that using the mass tag replacer is the fastest way to get your entire blog deleted... oops? so yeah, don’t use the mass tag replacer either >.>)

7. Tags on Tumblr DO NOT WORK LIKE TAGS ON TWITTER. If you @ someone in the body of the post, it will show up in their notifications (if they’re the sort of person who even checks their notifications... not all of us do. For the record, I generally don’t...), but putting actor or ship names in the tags on a tumblr post does absolutely nothing. It’s not the same as tagging the actor’s twitter account in a tweet. Nobody’s getting notifications about you tagging a post about Jensen here as “Jensen Ackles.” There is a difference. Please learn it. (and don’t take headcanons and ESPECIALLY RPF or otherwise explicit art or fic from tumblr to twitter and tag the actors in it. That’s just... not okay.)

(I have seen the pearl clutchers getting all in a huff about the mere existence of RPF or even explicit content of fictional characters if it doesn’t meet their purity standards, but tagging those things allows people who don’t want to see it to actively avoid that content here. Nobody has a right to tell people their fictional content shouldn’t exist at all, or that creators of that fictional content somehow deserve harassment or threats for having dared to create such “immoral” content, won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children... and no... you do not do that here. Don’t be the problematic behavior you wish to ban from the world. Learn to use tags to protect yourself from, as i have attempted to emphasize here, fictional content you are personally upset by. That’s a you problem, not a problem for the creators of potentially upsetting content that they tag appropriately for.)

8. General formatting stuff: If you’re writing long text posts, visually break them up so people aren’t faced with one long wall of text. The enter key is your friend. Also, if you put long text posts under a Read More break and send people to your blog to finish reading, please ensure that your blog is actually visually accessible (tiny text, or light grey text on a dark grey background, or a visually busy background might be aesthetically pleasing to you but nobody can actually read it. Loads of folks won’t even try. Which is great if you don’t actually care whether people are able to appreciate your content or not, but something to at least consider if you *do* actively want to encourage engagement with your work. Confirm how your blog looks on both mobile and desktop and make sure it’s actually functional in both, too).

And since I mentioned that most of my experience on fandom tumblr has been in the SPN fandom, here’s a bit of a reminder for folks who are new around here. With the reminder that I have been here more than a decade and still feel like a newbie myself sometimes...

This is an OLD FANDOM. There are many, many people who have been at this longer than some of you have been alive. The average age for creators in this fandom is older than you think (I think of my friends in their 30′s as young’ins okay? okay). With that understood, you are responsible for the content you consume and are exposed to. Curate your experience. Ship and let ship. YKINMKATOK. Don’t deliberately expose yourself to content you find upsetting for whatever reason. Tags and warnings are your friends, not targets for you to attack in some sort of purity war. People will ship things you do not like (or in specific ways you do not like), will say things you do not agree with, and will find their happiness in things you abhor. That is not your concern. Find what you do like, and support and engage with it, and ignore (or block, or unfollow) the rest. Tumblr has a feature that lets you blacklist tags so the content you’re trying to avoid won’t appear on your dash.

Remember the paradox of tolerance.

It is not your job in fandom to police how other people enjoy the fandom. It’s not *my* job to police how *you* enjoy the fandom, UNLESS your enjoyment is in actively harming other real human beings in the fandom. If you don’t like their take on the character or the show or the plotlines or their ships or anything else, you don’t need to engage with their posts at all! The necessary corollary to this is that clarifying misunderstandings or correcting factual misinformation is not “policing.”

(this is where the peanut gallery reminds me it ain’t that deep, and I plead with them to put down the social media and find just one (1) thing to actually believe in in this godforsaken life, find something other than disdain and cynicism and spite to live for. If those things motivate you to find a larger cause for yourself, then great, use them to your advantage, but use them to find something that makes you a better person or brings you a modicum of joy and connection to your fellow human beings despite living in a dystopian hellscape of a world)

I have seen a lot of posts lately that are founded on the sort of authority that comes with “I watched through tumblr for a few months and then watched the last three episodes of the series” and as such are just... missing the larger context of the entire show, and are unfounded entirely in canon. I 100% appreciate the new enthusiasm for the fandom that we’ve been living in here for years, and it’s wonderful to see new people enjoying the thing we love. Your headcanons are valid, you are valid, but recognize that your headcanons aren’t canon. All of us finale denialists have accepted this in some measure, so we feel you. We truly, truly feel you. But regarding actual canon, we have a resource for that: the Superwiki. Learn it, live it, love it, as Metatron would say.

(which you could discover he said in 10.17 Inside Man, thanks to the superwiki! accept no substitutes!)

(and again, there have been people who have been involved in fandom for years who haven’t engaged with canon in years, either! You can play in this universe however you choose, BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT CANON AT ALL, WHICH I AM AGAIN POINTEDLY SAYING MIGHT NOT BE YOU, READER, AND I’M NOT SUGGESTING YOU ARE WRONG FOR NOT WANTING TO ACTUALLY ENGAGE WITH CANON, but if you DO want to engage with canon, please have some useful resources. Why do people feel personally attacked by being presented a list of helpful resources? Absolutely baffling.)

(also: words have definitions. “Canon” is a specific thing, meaning in this case “the finished media product that aired on television.” Anything beyond those limits is secondary canon (think: john’s journal, which is not canon but canon adjacent at best...), word of god (i.e stuff said by the writers and showrunners), or headcanon (which includes actor commentary-- they may have helped create the show with their acting choices and whatever, but they are not in control of the story overall). If there’s something you dislike about actual canon, you can reject it and supplement it with your own theories or preferred outcomes-- that’s basically what fanfic is-- but that doesn’t make your theories canon (much to all our dismay, that’s just not how any of this works. This is not to invalidate how anyone engages with the show or the fandom, just trying to clarify what seems to have been a source of unintentional misunderstandings. Your theories do not have to be “canon” to be legitimate interpretations.)

***I am setting this section apart, and did make a separate post of just this following information, because this is where we go from being relatively chill about different parts of fandom choosing to interact in different ways and you do you and blog however you want, to “hey can everybody please understand that the way you are interacting with this specific material might be harmful for specific legal reasons, and stating that you do not care about the consequences of your actions does actively make you the asshole here...” Okay, now that we have that understood:

The spnscripthunt collective has been steadily acquiring new scripts (which are posted in full on the superwiki for everyone to enjoy, for free). The language around how some folks are talking about these scripts is... concerning. For very real legal reasons, actually, and not because we’re feeling precious about the collection and don’t wike it when meanies use them in shitposts.

-First off, these scripts are not “leaks.” They are all verified and legally purchased (or gifted, in some cases, but still acquired entirely above board. we didn’t whack anyone over the head in a back alley for these scripts, or swipe them out of someone’s trailer on set).

(in case anyone was unaware, these scripts are the copywritten protected property of Warner Brothers. So yes, how we use them and share them with the fandom could have legal repercussions. We present them as a collected resource of fandom history which SHOULD fall under Fair Use doctrine, but this is untested legal water. Insinuating that the scripts are somehow not entirely legally obtained, or that posting them for public access involved less than 100% transparent and entirely legal transactions is incredibly concerning.

Once again for the peanut gallery, if you don’t care about any of that and are just having a good time with it, at least be mindful of the work and expense a large group of people have gone through to acquire and present the content you’re all too eager to exploit for cheap thrills. Some of us do actually care and are not exactly comfortable with the fact that others don’t seem to care about burning it all to the ground. We can’t force you to listen or behave as we’d hope you might, but at least be aware of the potential consequences of your actions. All we’re asking is for you to not be the douchebag who sets the whole neighborhood on fire with your illegal fireworks display. Is that too much to ask for? more on that in a second, first... a psa)

-If you see a script for sale and are unsure if it’s legit (or believe it might already be freely available in our collection), please feel free to ask us for advice. Our goal is to make as much of our fandom history available to the entire fandom, and we absolutely do not want anyone shelling out money for stuff you can already find for free.

(seriously, we’ve seen a bunch of resellers cropping up selling printed versions of the scripts we bought and uploaded for everyone to enjoy free of charge, or scripts that are otherwise of dubious origin. We’ve been at this for years now and know what’s actually out there. We don’t want anyone to fall for a scam if we can help it)

-Also, the usual reminder that the scripts we acquire ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE FINAL SHOOTING DRAFTS. In fact, the majority of scripts in our collection are NOT. Changes are made daily to scripts, even during filming. Comparing a Production Draft (white pages, effectively the first “final draft” of what usually becomes a series of drafts before filming wraps) to a much later revision (say... green or goldenrod revisions, several of which we DO have in our collection for comparison) and how those earlier drafts often differ wildly from the aired version versus how similar a much later green draft is to the aired version, for example, can teach you a lot about the television writing process. The link above to the superwiki scripts page has a nice little explainer about how this process works.

Differences between our posted scripts (many of which are white drafts, aka FIRST complete drafts, which will likely go through multiple rounds of revisions before filming even begins) and the aired version of the show are not all “acting choices” or a director or editor just cutting whole scenes on a whim. It’s insulting to everyone involved in production to suggest that’s the case.

(and yeah, fine... whatever, make any sort of posts you like regarding how those changes came about, but at the very least understand that it’s not actually the truth about how any of this works. Don’t care that that’s not the truth and want to make the posts anyway because shitposting is fun and that’s the extent of your sense of humor? FINE! You’re entitled to do that! But at least you DO know the truth now, and hopefully so do the people who engage with your posts. Deliberate ignorance isn’t cute, smooth lions notwithstanding)

There’s probably a whole other post to be made on fandom tagging etiquette, but again I don’t really use the tags enough to know what’s going on with that whole situation. I’ve also probably left a lot of stuff out, so please feel free to add things I’ve overlooked.

Thanks also to @trisscar368 and @thayerkerbasy for help compiling this, too. They were kind enough to escort me through the park to feed these pigeons. Now I need to take them out for ice cream. :’D

So I guess welcome to the neighborhood. Make yourself at home, but like... try not to trash the place while you’re here. Some of us live here by choice, lol.

#this blue hellsite (affectionate)#fandom problems #kinda wish i'd made this post six months ago but here we are i guess lol #long post #now edited for the people who are actually personally invested in the fandom #thanks for participating in this little experiment and I hope this version is actually informative to those who are interested #meaning there's a lot more links to stuff and explainers and whatnot...#and one last reminder that for folks just swinging through for laughs absolutely none of this applies to you #if you are legit interested in fandom history and preservation as we move to the post-canon world then hopefully this is useful to you

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1000roughdrafts · 3 years ago

Text

The (almost) Perfect Crime: Chapter Three

Warnings: language, alcoholism, violence (kind of) and threats of violence

Word Count: 1.4K

A/N: This one is Dean’s POV, and as a reminder, this is an AU where Dean and Sam are not brothers, not related and don’t even really know each other that well. This was supposed to come out earlier today but I had a weird day and didn't schedule it I'm sorry

Masterlist

Chapter Two

Detective Dean Campbell parked his personal vehicle on the street a block down from the Golden Egg, just barely concealed behind a deteriorating fence. He glanced at his watch to note the time his subject entered the bar, and slouched back in the seat. He poured the remainder of his coffee into his mouth, scrunching his face as the undissolved sugar grates its way down his throat among the now cold brew. Clearing his throat, he glanced at his watch again, and then at the street as people came and went.

God, you stick out like a sore thumb, Dean, he thinks, sinking into the seat a little more. Figuring he had a little time before that scum of a man came back out anyway, he could use the distraction of flipping through the file he kept locked away until he was off the company dime.

The other detectives were sure he was off his rocker just for mentioning a distaste for Portland’s favorite lawyer, Sam Winchester. But those same assholes were on board when his hunch proved true about the judge that was accepting bribes. It wasn’t as high profile as a case like Sam’s would be, but damn, it really showed Dean that he just can’t trust anyone.

He’d been given an ultimatum by the director; he could either stand down, or step down. Except Dean’s never been one to let someone stand in the way of what’s right, no matter who they are or what power they hold. His investigation was just going to have to stay a secret until he’d gathered enough evidence to sway the DA into pursuing a case.

“Fuck,” he growled, slamming a hand on the steering wheel. His eyes were going cross-eyed combing through the same papers over and over as they looked for something, anything that would just jump out and help him solve this. He needed a break, badly, but anytime he took his eyes off the pictures and documents he could still see them like they were imprinted on the back of his eyelids.

A knock at the window startled him into dropping the papers into his lap. Looking through the window was Sam with a smug smile.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Dean said, forcing all of his strength into opening the door to slam it against Sam.

Lazily holding his hands in the air, Sam laughed. “Easy officer,” he said. Pointing at the Impala with a tilted head, he added, “you tailing me now, Campbell?” With a cocked head.

Dean rolled his eyes and stepped out, “the world doesn’t revolve around you, Winchester. I thought I’d stop by for a drink,” he said with a poised smile.

“Really?” Sam scoffed, “kind of looks like you’ve been following me,” he said. Making a pouting face, he said, “you’re a cop, Dean-o, don’t embarrass yourself like this.”

“Detective,” he clarified, “and I’m off duty… as I said, getting a drink.”

Sam nodded his head with the words, “which makes what you’re doing a crime, detective,” he chuckled, “you realize that right?” He looked around at the now nearly vacant street, “out in the open and all.” His laugh deepened as he turned to walk away, but after a few steps, he turned to face Dean. “You know, I could teach you a thing or two about staying hidden,” he smirked, “off the record, I swear,” he said, palms held up with a smug grin.

It took nearly everything in Dean not to hit him right then. He clenched his teeth and spoke through them, “over my dead body, Winchester.”

Sam tilted his head and tsked, “now, careful what you wish for, Dean-o,” he said, turning again to walk away.

“Your girlfriend know what you’re really up to when you’re ‘working’?” Dean called out.

Whirling around, Sam glanced at the bar and then back at Dean through squinted eyes before marching towards him.

“That wouldn’t be a threat, now, would it?” He said through his teeth while jabbing a finger into Dean’s chest.

Dean held his head high, and shrugged. “I know that I would never hurt her,” he said, then sucked air in through his teeth, “but could the same be said for you?” He let the air out and shook his head, “well, I’m sure we’ll all just be a lot happier when you’re behind bars,” he said, and in a harsher tone, added, “where you belong.”

Sam laughed, mocking Dean, “you can’t even get one detective on your side, let alone the DA, but yeah, go ahead and try your luck. See what happens.”

Dean rolled his eyes and let Sam walk away. He was nearly shaking with anger from just the thought of yet another day where Sam walks free, but if he wanted to get anywhere in his investigation, he’d need to get some sleep and grub.

—

The last thing Dean expected was to see Y/N sitting at a table on the balcony of the Golden Egg. He sat in a booth near the doors to eat and could see her through the glass with a woman he didn’t recognize. Y/N’s hair was tied up and for a lot of the conversation, which he wasn’t able to hear, she had her eyebrows raised and she sat very close to the table. Her drink was almost untouched and her leg was bouncing rapidly.

It felt weird for him to be so close to her, especially after the interaction he’d just had with her boyfriend. He ate his burger quickly as he snuck glances at her. If it weren’t for her long sleeves, and pants he’d have scanned her skin for bruises or marks.

Pulling cash from his wallet, he chugged the drink as he stood up. He threw the cash onto the table as he set the glass down and looked at Y/N one last time before turning to leave.

As he walked out, he wondered what side Sam showed her. It was hard to imagine that Sam treated her well. As he’d been tracking him for a while, he was well aware that they’d been together for the better part of three years. Hell, they even live together, and he hoped for Y/N’s sake that Sam was a good actor, because he knew that Y/N didn’t deserve to be with a guy like him. Hell, no one deserved that.

He thought about her the entire way home. The idea that she was so close to danger while being none the wiser really worked his nerves. He decided at that moment that nothing would get in the way of him building a case against Sam.

Pulling the Impala into the parking lot of his apartment complex, Dean wondered if sleep would escape him again like it had been for months. He jogged to his apartment and went straight for the beer in his fridge. His shoes came off only second to popping the top off and taking a sip of his sleep aid. It had become part of his routine; work on the clock for ten hours, then off the clock for anywhere from five to seven hours, drink a few or maybe several beers, and sleep (or try to sleep) for four hours, and that was if he was lucky.

PermaTags<3 @waywardblueshun @81mysteriouslyme @drakelover78 @soab1967 @shutupandfeedmethings @pollywantacracker666 @sonnierae26 @obsessed5sosfreak @tlovescoffee @noodledoodlebug @hobby27 @cluz1babe @emptycanvasposts @suckmyapplejacks @sigrunsavestheday @flamencodiva

That night, luck wasn’t on his side as he would get about two and a half hours, spending most of it tossing and turning.

Chapter Four

Dean <3 @akshi8278 @squirrelnotsam @laxe-from-outer-space @ellewritesfix05 @lyarr24 @mrspeacem1nusone @idksupernaturl @fandom-princess-forevermore @stoneyggirl

Sam <3 @fangirlxwritesx67 @immafangirlmess

The Almost Perfect Crime <3 @princessmisery666 @momowinchester @sizekinkshawty @deandreamernp

*Names in bold have not been tagging for a while, if you see your url please let me know if I need to fix it :D*

Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know via a comment, like or reblog if you’re enjoying this so far! Feedback really helps to motivate me in writing more, good or constructive <3

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alexiaugustin · 4 years ago

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good morning mutuals and everyone else on tumblr who is cool and made my year! this is gonna be my mutuals appreciation post 2020 because if anything good happened this year then it's getting to know all of you guys so there's that. i love you all so so sooo much and always love to see y'all and your gif sets / memes / crack posts /rants / edits and so on and so forth on my dash. you made this year beautiful and i just wanna thank u for that!💘💘 (also im sorry if the picture above activates anyone's fight response i just thought that it would fit if i went back to where it all started)

@engelkeijsers mare my love i don't even have words to describe how much i love you and am happy to have you in my life. i consider you one of my closest friends by now and that's why i always message you whenever exciting shit happens in my life (or whenever shit goes down that ofc depends🤪). our phone calls were so fucking funny and i loved talking to you sooo much i can't wait to meet you in real life one day!!💖 please feel hugged you're such a beautiful human.

@dreamaur ann my beloved mutual i love you from the bottom of my heart and just wanna thank you for being the cute bitch that u are who always remembers our mutuals anniversary like....🥺🥺 i just love that we always watch and read and stan the same things like what kind of soulmutuals behavior is this?. can't wait for s&b to air so we can always freak out about kaz and inej and everyone else together. i'm kissing your cheek and wish you the absolute best for 2021 because u deserve the best😽

@sotorubio silja i love you and your blog so much you just have such a galaxy brain and you're so eloquent and your blog is one of the few that i check on regularly because i don't wanna miss a single post you make. here's a fun fact before i properly got to know you i thought that you were sooo intimating i don't even know why and then we started talking at some point and i was like "hold on a second they are SO lovely and warm actually and not intimating at all hdhdh" as you might have figured out by now i always love talking to you about skames or rant about 13rw and everything else. i just love u!!!🧡

@helmtaryn aurore you are probably the first person who ever started talking to me on here and so it all began and we always talked abt skam france before s6 started and during and you're just such a wonderful person!! thank you for always being there for me and helping me with my french homework i truly cannot thank you enough for that because you're constantly saving my ass jdhd. you're just so fun to talk to and such a talented gif maker like... for real your gif sets always knock me out and you're always so original in what you gif🥺❣

@geminibf i know i've told you that before but your blog is my comfort blog on here literally just seeing your posts on my dash always makes my day and you're one of the most beautiful ppl i've ever known like how do you even manage to do that🥺💘 plus you're sooo talented at this point im convinced that there's absolutely nothing that you cannot do so yeah i have no idea where this sentence is going but i guess what im trying to tell u is that i love u and im so happy to be ur friend

@alterlovex niiiii❣❣❣ you're not even like a tumblr mutual you're like my tumblr sister (figure out what the hell this is supposed to mean jdjd) and you were one of the first people who hyped my stupid posts up and it always made me go 🥺😭. i started following you despite the fact that u had a wtfock icon (honorary) and i absolutely never regretted it. you're so beautiful and warm and so is your blog and i will try to talk more to u again in 2021. im virtually sending you so many flowers🌷🌻🌸💐

@jorgecrespo you're just the coolest bitch alive. i followed you for your skam rankings and stayed for your whole entire personality. every post you make truly just slaps, you never miss, and i relate to you so much jdjd. the way you answer anon messages will forever be my favorite thing about your blog and just the way you talk in general like without even seeing your url i always know when it's you who wrote a post. i love you❕❕💖

@jusdekiwi you and aurore are the reason why french people deserve rights, you are such a lovely and genuine person and i absolutely love you and your chill vibes on your blog. also thank you for helping me out with my french homework thingy once like. thank you so so much for being so lovely and taking your time julia!🌻

@suburbanenigma carmen i love you and all of your posts and just the vibes on your blog!!! also omfg your riverdale side blog always makes me laugh soo much i truly cannot wait for s5 to air so we can make fun of it together because i will live blog the shit out of it too!! you're just one of the coolest bitches ever i don't know how else to say it. i love you and cant wait to talk to you more next year. you're such a blessing for this hellsite🦋✨

@sundaymorninghangover julian you are one of my oldest friends on here and i've loved you ever since i found your blog and figured out that u were a part of the having taste club (skames fandom) too!! you're so chill!!! i love your brain!! i love your posts!!! and most importantly i love you. please keep on blessing my dash with your cool posts because they are definitely appreciated and loved in this house. also i miss your frog icon (please don't hit me in case it wasn't a frog) it just spoke volumes about your vibes but i love ur new one too!! still associate the purple heart with you so here it is 💜💜

@lesbeanfatou clara you simply are an angel. you used to have a nora grace icon and i went: that's it, she's the one, she has taste im gonna follow!! and look it was one of the best decisions ever. you're my favorite chaotic n cool mosquito hater and i just love you so much and you made my year beautiful!! thank you for always listening to me when i came into your inbox to have a break down (positive or negative) over the we feel in love in october girl and thank you for teaching me how make edits!!!💐💘

@aoixe you're one of my favorite skamfr hate blogs and certain men hate blogs (if u know u know) i always love talking and ranting with you and am so glad that we're sometimes just dming!! you're vibes are so cool a d you seem like such a chill person i love you and wish you all the best for 2021!!❣❣

@fatoudixon ana i love you and your blog so so much and especially your druck reaction videos on youtube!! you seem like such a genuine and beautiful person and even though we're not talking much please just know that im always happy to see you on my dash. happy new year to you!!💘💘

@cash-queens sam🥺 you're so sweet and kind this hell site truly doesn't even deserve you but we all love that you're here anyway!! i would protect you with my life and i hope that we will get to talk more in 2021 because you're such a lovely person and for now im just gonna wish u a happy new year✨

@avaceleste sophiaaa💌 you've been here ever since the very beginning of skamfr season 6 and i always love talking to you and long live our eliola jokes, you were probably the person i started this cult with so here is our eliola emoji starterpack one more time in 2020 💏🌧🎬

@hashtag-ohboy-nicetry i have no idea whose side blog this was but the url alone made my entire year🤭🤞

@ random love anon❤ i love you and hope that 2021 will be a good year for you because you absolutely deserve it!!! wishing u nothing but the best i always love to see you around!💐💘

all the other amazing blogs i love and am always happy to see on my dash (doesn't matter if we're mutuals or not)

@floraflorenzi / @bi-kieu-my / @gumptin / @thegirlnooneknows5 / @littleweirdoss / @sohereisthisasshole / @noramachwtz / @nori-in-pink / @ayellowcurtain / @mailinrichter / @ijzermanora / @fudgetunblr / @lesbianfatous / @norgestan / @cfgc / @avaspereira / @theflowerisblue / @smblmn / @jon-astronaut / @amiraamore / @parelmoer / @stqrz 💘❣💐🦋💌🌸

i wish all of you a very happy new year and thank you for all of your gifs, posts, translations, fanfics & edits you all truly make this place beautiful❕💘

#mutuals appreciation #i rly hope that i didn't forget anyone

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dork-empress · 3 years ago

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Singing in the Dead of Night Pt 3

Lucy and Damian visit Metropolis.

Past chapters are under my tag 'lucy quinzel' and the whole fic is on my AO3 (url in my description). Please reblog and leave comments.

Flock of Robins

Timtiminey:Guys. Guys. Guess what???

Jason: I thought I deleted this chat.

Timtiminey: Ha funny you think I’d allow you to do that

Timtiminey: And you didn’t guess.

Dickbutt: Tim I’m on a mission.

Dickbutt:.....

Dickbutt: TIM CHANGE MY NAME

Timtiminey: You’re still not guessing.

Dick Grayson’s name was changed to DickiestButtiest

Stephaluffagus: Whatever Is It, Tim?

Jason: Why is Stephanie even on here?

Stephaluffagus: I was a Robin!

Timtiminey: And she asks the questions. Well, you SEE

Timtiminey: DAMIAN GOT A GIRLFRIEND

Stephaluffagus: WHAAAA?!:?HSLHFADSKLJFKL?????

Dick Grayson’s name was changed to DatAssTho

DatAssTho: Awwwww, that’s so cute!!!

DatAssTho: Our little hellion is growing up

DatAssTho: It’s like it was just yesterday he was threatening to stab us all

Jason: That was last week at dinner.

Jason: Who the hell said yes to go out with him?

Timtiminey: That’s the best part! The old man set them up.

Stephaluffagus: ALKSDAN LFKSNDAFLKNDASKLF

DatAssTho: Well thats just not fair. He never set up me on a date.

Jason: He put you on the Titans.

DatAssTho: Watch it, Todd

DatAssTho: Also, you type like an old man

Jason: With proper punctuation?

Stephaluffagus: Guys, we’re straying from the topic: Who is it??

Timtiminey: Harley’s niece, she’s got some like, clown ballerina thing going

Jason: QUINN?!?!?!

Jason: LIKE JOKER’S GIRLFRIEND????

DatAssTho: Dude, they broke up ages ago

Stephaluffagus: Yeah, she’s basically more hero than you are

Jason: You really want to go down THAT route Brown?

Timtiminey: OOOOHKAYYY

Timtiminey: Rest assured, the old man vetted the girl. She’s…..unique? I’ve only seen her file, or part of it anyway

DatAssTho: Bruce has secret files doesn’t he

Timtiminey: I think I made it through the first encryption, but I’m working on the next between other cases.

Timtiminey: After all, we have to make sure she’s alright for our little Dami-kins

Stephaluffagus: Isn’t he on this chat?

Timtiminey: He’s had this muted for ages

Jason: YOU CAN DO THAT?!

Timtiminey: I mean, YOU can’t. I will turn it off for you

Jason: …….

Jason: Well you know it’d be a shame if I

Jason: @DamianWayne

Timtiminey: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Damian: You’re dead Drake

DatAssTho: RIP

Stephaluffagus: He will be remembered

Jason: Prick.

“Get on already,” Damian said, exuding as much disinterested and grumpy energy as his body could manage.

Lucy skipped over to him, and looked at the seating arrangement on the Robin Cycle. “Hmm”, she said, “I don’t know if I’ll fit.” She climbed up to the back of the cycle only for her tutu to spring her backwards.

“What the hell is in that thing?” Damian asked, scowling. whatever had hit him was way more solid than fabric.

“Oh all sorts of things!” she said, “It’s my utilitutu!”

Damian really should have been used to this by now. “Your what.”

“Utility Tutu. I’ve got my balloon animals, my gas bouquet, my tamborine…”

“Well get rid of it or something,” Damian said, and was somehow surprised she did as was asked. Left in just a leotard, she hooked the tutu around her arm and jumped up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

Luckily, he was wearing his helmet, so no one could see him blush.

He revved up the motorcycle to try and drown out his thoughts. They’d been particularly loud ever since Tim said what he said...and, maybe since Lucy said what she said.

Were they dating? Is that what was happening? Lucy had called it a date, but Lucy was weird. It wasn’t like Damian understood how these things were supposed to work. This was super not in the training regime for the League of Assassins.

Did he...want it to be a date? He was even less sure. Lucy was...odd, but she had grown on him. She was the exact opposite of him, cheery where he was brooding, she was peaceful, he was violent. She was...kind and funny and playful. He was super not. they were both smart, but that seemed to be where the similarities ended.

And yet, it kinda worked. She was pretty, in a girly way, or at least thats what he could tell from under her makeup. He’d never been...really interested in girls or anyone. He didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like. If this was how it was supposed to feel like.

Well, he wasn’t going to be forced to be in a relationship with anyone. If she tried anything, he would tell her no, in no uncertain terms. Then he could get Tim and the others to shut up.

Once the decision was made, of course, he was left to ruminate for the remainder of the ride. He might have welcomed some of Lucy’s chatter, just to get his mind off things. Damn Bruce, not letting him use the batmobile…

Finally, a blur appeared beside him. “Need a lift?” Jon asked, rushing along beside him. Damian couldn’t help a smirk as he followed him through the city.

They came to a stop in an alleyway, though it didn’t hide much. “Whoa,” Jon said, eyebrows raised, “Hello, who’s this?”

Lucy stood on the top of the motorcycle, slipping her tutu back on and giving a deep curtsy, “Greetings! I am Commedia, The Dancing Delight, Columbina of Gotham and--”

“She’s Harley Quinn’s niece,” Damian said, cutting her off, “Lucy, Superboy, Superboy, Lucy.”

Lucy jumped down, eyebrow raised, “Now, come on. Surely you boys know how hard it is being defined by those who came before you.”

“Yeah, Robin,” Superboy said, holding out his hand for her to shake, “Honestly, no manners. Nice to meet you, Comme...Colum..um.”

“Lucy’s fine,” she said, “Aunt Harley said it’d be good for me to go and see some of Metropolis, maybe get some shopping done.”

Jon smiled, “Well, there’s plenty to do around here, and you picked the perfect tour guide! Come on, Mom and Dad are working today. I’ll show you around.”

Damian followed the pair of them around at a pace where you could just barely tell he was part of the same group. He was in his black outfit again, with sunglasses so that Lucy couldn’t tell who he was, and all of Metropolis wouldn’t know Robin wasn’t in Gotham.

Jon took them on the full tourist tour, going to see the many wonders of Metropolis. Though, a few stops Damian was pretty sure weren’t on the main route, like when they went to the top of the Daily Planet building. Other than that, though, it was a lot of pretty buildings, old buildings, the Superman memorial/dedication (they just left it up when Superman came back) and other sites that were considered important.

Damian sulked, having seen all these before and not finding them any more impressive than the first time or any time after that. What did surprise him was that Lucy didn’t seem any more impressed than him. He would have thought she’d go Gaga over the tourist trappings, considering she react to abandoned (allegedly) mines like a family at Disney World.

But she looked at each one, nodded in appreciation, and went onto the next thing.

Jon was kinda weirded out by it too, Damian could tell, not that Jon was ever subtle. He kept looking to Damian as if to try and explain her behavior, not that he was ever going to be doing that.

“Ok,” Jon said, as they sat outside the capitol, “Is there anything you WANT to see?”

Lucy shrugged, “To be honest, buildings don’t really interest me that much. But I’m glad to have gone with you, of course.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Damian said, “What’s the point of going around like this if you don’t even like it? We went around all damn day for YOU!”

Lucy tilted her head, “We went so that Superboy could show us things and we could get to know him.” She smiled at him, “You clearly admire Superman a lot, and you’re clearly like him. I’m glad you get along with your dad so well.”

Jon smiled, confused, but appreciative, “Thanks?” Damian grumbled. “But, I’d like to get to know YOU better as well. So if there’s something you like, the city has everything.”

Lucy hummed, “I honestly mostly just like to people watch in my free time.”

Jon beamed, “Oh man, I have the perfect place then.”

With a hop, skip, and a kryptonian-powered jump, the three of them were in the rafters of the Metropolis Subway station, looking down at everything and everyone as they went by. Damian was just glad they were inside, and being underground had him feeling a bit more at home.

Lucy practically sparkled, leaning way too far over to look at everyone. “What are they saying? Can you hear them?”

“Uh, which ones?” Jon said. She pointed aggressively. “Well, that one’s a family on vacation, the dad there is going over the itinerary, he’s got it printed out. The daughter there is trying to get him to skip the museums so they can get to the aquarium faster.”

“Ohh, what’s at the aquarium?” Lucy asked, kicking her feet like a child.

“Some fish, jelly fish are cool...Oh, they got a new shark there, I think.”

Damian groaned again, “Ugh, who CARES? If you wanted to go to the aquarium, then lets go to the aquarium! Instead of just watching someone TALK about it! These are all just normal people!”

“Robin, dude,” Jon said, “If it’s what she wants, why not? We are here for HER after all.”

That in of itself would have been enough to shame Damian, but Lucy was staring at him. She stared unblinking, and unsmiling. It was actually creepy. Like she was staring through him.

“Nobody’s normal.” She said, very seriously, her voice no longer taking on the cheery affectation. “Not a single one that I’ve ever met. Many of them TRY to be normal, but it is an illusion. A moving target, an ideal that doesn’t exist and people are shamed for not attempting to achieve.”

Damian could feel himself resist leaning away from her. “Uh, Lucy?” Jon said, “Something you want to talk about?”

Lucy blinked like she was remembering she was supposed to. “I suppose it is personal to me,” she said, “My…mother was always a little scared of Aunt Harley. First scared of her success, then scared of her villainous career. She always wanted to be normal. She wanted…me to be normal. She was scared of what I’d be. Who I’d be like.” She smiled, an echo of her previous smile, “It’s not quite the same as being a disciple for a great hero like Superman or Batman.”

Jon was suddenly looking very awkward. “Well,” He said, “I mean, having Harley Quinn as your aunt isn’t that bad. And you’re good anyway! So, no need to worry.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucy said, “It doesn’t matter if I was good or bad. It just matters that I was strange.” She tilts her head, looking down at the mass of people rushing back and forth. “Ever since I was little, people didn’t feel…real. They’re just. Stories. I couldn’t relate to my peers, as my teachers would say. I don’t know how to explain it. The only time I tried, my mom was so scared she sent me to a camp. One of those meant for bad kids to help them behave.” She tilted her head, “But they weren’t bad. They all had different stories. I realized there were no normal people. Just people with stories.”

Damian couldn’t have spoken if it was to yell for help. He stared at Lucy, trying to decide if he should be concerned or sympathetic.

Jon cleared his throat. “Well, I think you’re nice. And that’s what’s important. No problem with learning more about people and helping them.”

Lucy smiled, “Thank you.”

Jon’s head whipped to the side. “Ah, shoot, Dad’s calling me. I’ll be right back.” Lucy’s cheery attitude was back and she nodded, as Jon took off.

Lucy looked over at Damian for a moment. Damian felt he should say something. Apologize, maybe? He wasn’t sure what would be appropriate, and if it was appropriate, would Lucy want it. She worked on a whole other level, that was clear.

Lucy went back to watching people below her.

“My mom,” Damian started, not sure where he was going to end his sentence. Rule one of being in his family was to not reveal details about himself. But it was Lucy and she…she was his friend. “She was a…she’s a villain. I was supposed to be too. Maybe would have been if I didn’t go to live with Batman.”

Lucy nodded, “That sounds like a very interesting story,” Lucy said, “Thank you for telling me.” She tilted her head towards him. “Hey Robin, there’s this comedy place here in Metropolis I looked up. I was hoping maybe we could go tonight? I’m kind of a comedy nerd, and it’s always good to support people at an open mic. Maybe you’d even laugh once.”

Damian braced himself. This was a date. She was asking him on a date. He had prepared himself for this. “I can’t,” Damian said, the words practiced, “I don’t think of you that way. We can hang out and…be friends, but no.” There. No question about it.

Lucy looked at him, and tilted her head, thinking. “Ok,” She said, simply. Didn’t seem too heartbroken. It was a relief. “Hey Superboy,” She said, voice raise just slightly on the sounds of trains, “Do you want to go on a date to a comedy club tonight with me?”

There was a brief pause, then with a burst of wind, Jon jumped up back to the rafters. “Yeah, that sounds good,” and they shared smiles, “Robin, I can get her back to Gotham if you want to head home.”

Damian blinked, trying to process what exactly was happening. “I–,” technically, he wasn’t supposed to leave Lucy, for reasons Batman hadn’t been overly clear about. But if something was going to happen, she’d be plenty safe with Jon. Still, he wanted to argue this, even though he had nothing, and he knew he had nothing. “Sure, that sounds fine.”

Jon held out his hand to help him down, but he could easily get out by himself. And so, alone, he went home. And he didn’t understand the strange feeling in his gut.

Bruce stretched his neck coming down to the batcave, seeing Tim on the computer. “Commissioner Gordon has kindly invited Batman and Robin to the Wayne charity Christmas Party on my behalf,” he said, “I’ve got Dick coming down to wear the Batsuit for me. I’m going to work to have Damian as Robin, but would you and Steph take on patrols that night? At least some of us should actually be doing work.”

Tim didn’t answer. He stared blankly into the computer. Bruce sighed, most likely he didn’t hear him. “How long have you been down here? You’re going to ruin your–”

“Are you planning on telling Damian?” Tim asked.

Bruce paused and looked at what Tim was staring at. It was medical records of Delia Quinzel, specifically of her pregnancy.

Specifically the fake pregnancy records that Bruce had made. “What are you talking about?” Bruce asked.

“Please don’t insult me,” Tim said, face stoic, “You really think I can’t recognize your digital fingerprint all over these files?”

Bruce took a few deep breaths. “Have you told anyone?”

“Hell no,” Tim said, finally looking up, “And I cleaned up your mess. But I don’t know if anyone else has looked into this before now.” Tim glared at Bruce, “So I ask again, are you planning on telling Damian that you’ve put him in charge of protecting Joker’s biological daughter from her own father?”

Bruce came over and looked at the corrected records. They were, in fact, cleaner. Bruce’s were too normal. Tim added in complications that could have happened, just enough to make people think they’d already found what was wrong. “We don’t know what Joker knows.”

“Oh, and he just happened to escape Arkham and disappear at around the same time a teen starts hanging around his ex-girlfriend.” Tim said, dryly.

“If he does know,” Bruce said, “Then its our job to stop him. If he doesn’t, then we still stop him. But Lucy has a target on her back one way or another.”

“Which is why you put Damian in front of it?” Tim said.

“I trust Damien,” Bruce said, “To protect her. But I don’t want him to be biased against her because of her parents.”

“So, you’re putting him at risk, so that he can make friends?” Tim demanded, arms crossed.

Bruce took a deep sigh. “One day,” he said, “Lucy is going to have to confront where she’s come from. And the rest of us are too. I’m trying to give us all the best chance.” Bruce said, “Besides, Damian needs more friends other than Jon.”

Tim screwed up his face, then snorted. “Alright, old man,” he said, “I’ll go with your plan for now. But if something goes belly up, I reserve the right to at least one ‘I told you so.’”

“A fair compromise,” Bruce said, “What have you found about Joker’s movements?”

“He’s going quiet right now, which isn’t much like him,” Tim said, “But I think I’ve tied him to this fancy surgical robot that’s gone missing from Gotham Hospital.”

“Well, I’m sure there’s nothing mind-breakingly awful he can do with that,” Bruce said, sarcastically. “Let’s take it to the streets.”

Tim jumped up and followed him to the batmobile.

#lucy quinzel #damian wayne #bruce wayne #jon kent #DC comics fanfic #dc comics fanfiction

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amelia-pinches · 5 years ago

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TW// SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE

I found some things that I find to be extremely disturbing and wrong today, and I wanted to address them. These posts have content containing rape and sexual assault. I included the posts because I think it’s important to talk about, however, if they are too upsetting or triggering for anyone, let me know. I blocked out the usernames in those posts because I do not want any hate going towards those accounts. Most of those accounts are deactivated or inactive anyways, but there is a chance that the people who contributed to those made new accounts. If that is true, I want to say that I like to believe people change and grow for the better. I do not hate the people who posted this, despite the fact that I am utterly disgusted. I do not know these people. I do not know how old they were, nor do I know what they were going through when they made this. I do not know who they are today. I like to think that they look back on that, and they are disgusted at it. I like to think that they have changed and are a different person now with different beliefs. If you are one of the people, please know this isn’t meant to be a “cancel” post or a hateful post. However, I cannot see that, and pretend that I am not utterly bothered. I cannot pretend how it hurts me, as a sexual assault survivor. I cannot pretend that it doesn’t paint a damaging image of sexual assault and rape. Therefore, I think it is necessary to talk about it and address it to the fandom. The HOA fandom has done wonders for me since I recently joined. I genuinely consider some of mutuals as friends. The people I have met in the HOA fandom have been some of the best people I have ever met in my entire life. I do not think that these posts accurately reflect anything for the HOA fandom, in the past or present. Please note that this post contains very heavy topics and may be extremely triggering for some to read. It is triggering me for me to write about it. The pictures included may not be graphic, but they are upsetting and disgusting.

I was trying to find screencaps of K.T. for a twitter mutual when I came across this account. The account seemed harmless enough; some of the posts I found to be quite amusing, actually. Then, I came across this photo of Rufus holding Patricia by her arms with his hand over her mouth. In the corner of this photo was a “Brazzers” logo. When I first saw this, I froze. I couldn’t believe my eyes. To implicate that would be consensual in any way is awful. Furthermore, it brings up the question on how this person feels about rape and sexual assult. Often times, in porn and in media, there is this perspective of rape that makes it seem like it is just another form of sex. I will not hate on anyone if they have a headcanon that Rufus raped Patricia. If I am being honest, that headcanon helped me cope in a way. Seeing my favorite character being able to heal, and for my own personal headcanon/hoa world, to see her become a strong woman who has healed from her trauma has helped me cope and heal with my own trauma. If you are someone who does not like this canon, I respect that and think that is 100% valid. What I will NOT stand for is the glorification of this headcanon.

I decided to look at the reblogs on the post to see what people were saying. What I found made me sick to my stomach.

“Is there something you need to tell Eddie, Patricia?” To suggest that would be something other than rape and that is something to tease someone about, like it is a dirty secret, like it is an embarrassing hookup story or a crazy night. The response was by an account acting as Patricia, to which it said, “I think I’ll leave that to ‘your uncle’”. This frankly boggles my mind. I do not know how to describe it, if I am being honest. There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t know where to start. I do not know what the perfect sentence would be to explain why this isn’t okay, or how damaging it is. I do not how to concisely describe my thoughts and feelings on this. This sad part is, this wasn’t even the worse thing I read. When someone is raped or sexually assaulted, it makes them feel worthless, dirty, cheap. It changes your life. It affects how you view others and how you go about situations. It affects how you see yourself. It affects your entire life, and some people never truly recover.

For “Patricia” to blow it off like it is nothing, worries me. I am worried because I am afraid people don’t understand how ruinous rape and sexual assault is on a human being. It worries me because I know first hand how it can destroy you, and others see it as nothing or as if it just a variation of sex.

It is common in media to have this portrayal of rape. It is glorified and romanticized. It can be subtle or direct; sometimes it is just a slide remark made by a character or person, or sometimes a rape victim will be shamed or ridiculed for being raped. We take in this perspective as we grow up, and consequently, it shapes the way we view people. It causes us to dehumanize the victim rather than the rapist.

Its why I want to reiterate that I do not hate the people who made this, nor do I see them as bad people. They probably were young and didn’t understand the gravity of this. They, like many of us, were ignorant because of what we are told and what we see. I think many people forget that the support towards victims as been very recent. The Me Too Movement may have started in 2006, but it didn’t become viral until 2016. Before then, survivors coming forward with their stories were very rare and people almost never believed them. A vast majority of people blamed them and/or shamed them for coming forward. It wasn’t really until 2017 with the Me Too Movement that we, as a society and culture, really saw a shift where people were coming out with their own stories, and where they were seen as valid. It is important to note that while today there are many people who are supportive of rape and sexual assault survivors, there is a still a good portion of people who belittle them and try to invalidate them.

With that being said, I will talk about the next post I saw. This post made nauseous. My heart when I saw this because it is clear whoever made this did not truly understand rape. They did not truly understand how serious rape is. They did not understand that rape is not a joke. I think the best way to describe it is ignorance.

In case y’all do not remember, Nick did a season 2 interactive web where they made connections to everyone in relation to their involvement with the mystery and sibuna/secret society. This person changed the relationship of Rufus to Patricia from “Kidnaps” to “Rapes”. The caption was “fixed the connections.”

I know it may be hard to understand because I blocked out the usernames, but I’ll explain what each reply is. “WHAT EVEN?” is a blog acting as Eddie. “...” is a blog acting as Jerome. “..uhhh...” was a blog acting as Patricia. The one asking what the picture is about is a random blog as far as I can tell, probably genuinely asking what is about, but since so much time as passed since this post, it is possible the url changed. The last one is another blog posing as Eddie.

There was another set of replies which was this:

The first comment is supposed to be “Eddie”. The second one was supposed to be victor, or it could have been another url at the time. The last one was supposed be Eddie again.

I don’t know what the first one is. At first, I took it as they all saw it as a joke, and were responding as they would imagine the characters would respond. (NOTE: No character accurately written would respond to this in manner). However, looking at it again, it could have been their way of maybe being uncomfortable or disagreeing with it. Except for the last one posing as Eddie, that one I know they took it as a joke and were making fun of the situation.

As for the second one, I am once again lost for words. The casual use of “rape” scares me for the same reason it worries me. I think it is obvious who made this and commented on this saw rape as a joke and/or saw it as sex. Sex and rape are not the same. The second comment talking how its a small world because “Jerome’s uncle” raped Patrica and how it somehow all leads back to Eddie really angers me. The thing is, if you took the use of rape and replace with “Had sex with” or any variation of that, it would have the same meaning and tone as the original. That is very dangerous. Then the final comment where Eddie is upset at Patricia for not telling him about being raped is just tacky beyond words. It is cheap and ugly.

The overall tone of rape being a joke and the use of the word acting a synonym for sex is poisonous. It disparages what rape really is. It shrinks it down and changes its meaning. I do not blame the people who made this and commented this. Instead, I blame the way rape culture as taken over media and our lives for decades, centuries, generations. I blame the rapists who have power that put that attitude out there. It would be negligent for me to say these people had no responsibility or liability for posting this. However, I feel it would more negligent for me to say this is just them; that these people are the only ones who have made this jokes and who have believed these misconceptions about rape.

There were other posts made by the account that I considered posting, however, I don’t want this to be a callout or an attempt to barbarize. The accounts that made that and commented were people. People with flaws, and people with assets. People who were susceptible and vulnerable to harmful media.

I don’t know who made these posts. I do not know if they ever faced backlash or consequences. I do not know if these people are still even in the HOA community. I didn’t scourge 2011 HOA posts to see if anyone else made posts similar to this, or if anyone called them out on it. I didn’t ask anyone who is was in the fandom at that time if anything happened. I don’t know if they still hold these beliefs. I don’t know if they even remember making these posts. It is why I blacked out their names.

The people contributed to this are both culprit and victims of a much larger issue. On one hand, they were manipulated by media and rape culture. On the other, they help perpetuate it. It is why it needs to be addressed.

I am fairly new to the HOA community. I know that some day my blog will become a lost blog deleted by bots. I know some day people won’t remember a lick of what I posted or who I was. I know this. I know also that behind the screens, we are all just people, with our stories and lives. I know that we all have made mistakes and have said things that weren’t okay because maybe we didn’t know it wasn’t okay or at the time, we were too stupid to care. I know in 5 years none of us will be the same person we are today. I know none of us are the same person we were 5 years ago. We grow and change, sometimes for the worse, but I like to think we eventually change for the better.

These comments and posts made are just small flecks of similar posts made during that time, before that time, and still today. Rape jokes, pedophilia jokes, sexual jokes about a person’s body are all jokes that are made today. And they will be unfortunately made tomorrow. The way we make change is by informing people of what the true nature of these crimes are. We share stories, and support survivors of sexual assault.

I mentioned that I was sexually assaulted. It is very hard for me to talk about, and I try to avoid it. However, today, I was reminded multiple times of how I am still traumatized by what happened to me. Yesterday, I planned on never really speaking out about it except for once in a blue moon. Today, my plans have changed. The truth of the matter is, I have been sexually assaulted many times. Many of those times I didn’t really realize what happened until much later. Even recently, I am now remembering something that happened to me as a child that I blocked for 14 years. Recently, I am now realizing how all of these have affected me and made me who I am today. I don’t think that if the Me Too Movement took off in 2017 that I would have ever realized. I don’t think that if I didn’t see other people sharing their own sexual assault stories that I would ever have the courage to post this.

This is my own personal story and journey. I debated posting this because I still hold the fear that I would be judged or hated for speaking out. However, the things that have happened to me today have caused me to want to overcome that fear. My goal of sharing my own story is that it either helps anyone who is debating sharing theirs or to anyone who may need to hear someone’s story to be educated on rape culture. In the end, I talk about the events that happen to me today leading up to me discovering the posts, and why I felt it was necessary to talk about it. I know for some people it could be triggering or harmful to read this, so I put in italics, if anyone so chooses to skip over it. If you have made it this far and you don’t want to read my story, that is fine. I urge you to however to skip it and read the ending.

When I was 14, I was desperate for friends and well, attention. I never had many friends growing up, and I never was considered attractive. I know it seems so trivial and ridiculous to care about something like beauty. Growing up, I had a lot of body image issues and self esteem issues - its something I still struggle with today. I didn’t have many friends, either. I was either too abrasive and weird, or in some cases, I didn’t have much in common with kids, thus boring or uninteresting. I was the weird kid in elementary school, then the emo kid in middle. My last year of middle school, I really started to want to be seen as a “girl”; I wanted to be seen as “sexy” or “attractive”. I wanted to be seen as someone who was someone you wanted to be around. I felt that before, nobody had seen me as such. I don’t know if that is necessarily true or false. However, that is how I felt.

When I entered high school, for what seemed like the first time in my life, people were paying attention to me. People were complimenting me, and I was making friends. They weren’t all good friends, but, in my mind, they were friends. People who I thought liked me. I was getting hit on, which didn’t happen much before. I became addicted to the feeling of being liked and desired. For the longest time, I blamed and hated myself for that. I beat myself up for years because that strong desire to be desired led me to awful situations. For a while, I saw myself as what others, mainly men, saw me as: an object. I saw myself as a tool for entertainment, and I genuinely thought that I was here for the pleasure of others, not my own.

I didn’t realize at the time that those boys weren’t into me because they liked me. They were into me because I was an easy target. I was an incoming freshman who was extremely insecure. Within the first semester, I was manipulated and tricked into many situations, most of them being sexual. I gained the reputation of being a “slut” or a “whore” by some of the people in my school. I was miserable. However, towards the end of the semester, things were starting to get better, or so I thought.

A boy(I will call him R from now on) who had been a mutual friend of my friends asked me to hang out, I said yes. I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship or a hookup, but rather, I was looking for a friendship. I had just started dating a guy, and we had been two or so weeks in. That night, he sexually assaulted me. After that, it happened two more times in the days following.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to tell people the details of what happened or the full story. Partially because I have blocked so much of it out that I don’t remember that much anymore; I remember bits and pieces, but not everything. The other reason being because of what happened when I eventually spoke out.

A week later, I had told my boyfriend at the time. He had accused me of lying, and he told me that I was just saying he that so I wouldn’t have to admit I had cheated on him. After that, everything is a big blur. I remember R would text and call me constantly, demanding that I tell everyone I was lying. He harassed me constantly. I remember that many people who were my friends had turned against me. Almost everyone I had met had told me I was lying. When I went to a guidance counselor, she told me that I should be more careful hanging out with boys alone. There had also been people who had criticized me for not wanting to take it to court. They had told me that if R was guilty, he would be charged. When I told him that a court wouldn’t charge him (something the guidance counselor told me), they used it as proof to me “lying”. There were also people telling me that I was asking for it, and I deserved it.

Eventually, they left me alone, for the most part. There was a group of people who had “supported” me. I started to pretend like it never happened. I quickly got a boyfriend, and acted like everything was fine. I thought that if I pretended like it never happened, everyone else would just forget about it. However, internally, I was seriously struggling. I was extremely suicidal and depressed. I found out months later the group I thought were my friends were actually the ones telling everyone and spreading rumors. Every action I made was used as proof of my supposed guilt. There was only one person who believe me at the end of the year.

Over the summer, I begged my parents to let me be home-schooled, which they didn’t let me. I didn’t go on any social media because when I did, I would see posts about me, talking about how “I lied about being raped”. I felt worthless. When I returned for my sophomore year, I remember I walked into my Algebra 2 class, and one of the main girls who had bullied me was in it. I remember she looked at me and grinned then walked over to a friend of hers and loudly whispered in his ear, “That’s the girl who lied about being raped.”

That year, I did everything I could to try and mend it. I attempted to become friends again with that group, including the girl. I did my best to forget it; however, nobody let me forget. I remember I was on a class trip with the best friend of the main bully and R, and we talked about it, briefly. I remember I was saying answers very vaguely, hoping she would eventually give up,I remember her saying, “Well, I heard it was because you lied about being raped by R.” I don’t remember what I told her after that. I honestly can’t remember what happened after that at all.

I was constantly making friends then losing friends that year. I became defensive; I was constantly attacking anyone who I thought threatened me. I really began to have trust issues, and I ended up assuming the worst of some of the only good people in my life. Everyday, I came to school so anxious and scared. Towards the end of the year, I found a friend group, to which I was friends with for practically the rest of the my high school experience. I was known to be a hothead (which to be fair, I am) because the moment someone would insult me, I would go off on them. I figured that if I couldn’t defend myself then, I would do it now. I also never spoke about my assault again, until recently. I told two people from my high school friend group; over the summer I told one person, and a few months ago, I had told the person to which I had been closest to since sophomore year. I have never told the rest of the group. I was always afraid that they secretly knew and they thought I was lying. I also was afraid that if I told them, and they already didn’t think I was lying, they would.

Truth be told, I don’t know if everyone I knew thought I was lying. I was told everyone did, but that could have just been a way to make me feel powerless. I assume everyone does though .Even people who would have no idea that it happened, I assume they think I am lying about my assault despite the fact there is no way for them to have known. I’m still paranoid.If I see people who were in the same group of friends or who knew the people who hurt me, I become 14 all over again. The trust issues I got from that experience I still struggle with today. Because of my experience, I have self image issues. For the longest time, I assumed that if something happened, I would get blamed. I assumed that everyone was against me. I am working on that, and I have gotten a lot better, but it is still something I struggle with. Speaking out is very hard for me, and I don’t know if I could ever speak out publicly.

The reason why I included about my life beforehand, how insecure I was and how I wanted attention because for the longest time, I blamed myself because of those reasons. I felt like if I hadn’t been like that, none of this would have happened. I blamed myself that because I had sex prior to my assault, it somehow was my fault or that I somehow deserved it. I was a 14 year old girl who was scared, insecure, and lonely. I was manipulated and demonized. The people who hurt me were hurting themselves. I know this, yet I still question my experience and blame myself.

The reason why I wanted to call attention to these posts is because earlier in the day, I had been scrolling through my Facebook. I was trying to find something from my past, and I ended up going through my old feed. Reading posts I made during the time I was assaulted brought back old feelings. I found myself feeling so scared and powerless again.

For some reason, I was compelled to look at the profile of the main girl who told everyone I lied about my assault and saw she came forward with her own assault, and how many people thought she was lying about her assault. I debated reaching out to her; I knew how she felt, but that was also because she made me feel that way.

Two hours later, I came across those posts. I was already shaken up by relieving my trauma, and when I was those posts, I felt numb for a second. I was shocked, hurt, disgusted, and angry. Since HOA came out, I have always gone to it during times of need, even during the time of my assault. Some nights, I would reread fanfiction and look at any tumblr posts I could find. Doing this helped me cope with my life at that point.

When I saw those post, I felt like I had to say something, as a HOA fan and as a sexual assault survivor. The tone and content in those posts makes rape to appear to be the opposite of what it is. They glorified rape. The act as if rape means the same thing as sex.

Awareness of sexual assault and rape victims along with their validation is improving. However, rape culture is still very ingrained in our culture. Many people do not know accurate facts about sexual assault and rape. Many people try to debate what is sexual assault. In order for change to happen, we need to recognize how rape culture has influenced our society and start making the victims and facts a stronger influence.

#house of anubis #hoa

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spnfanficpond · 5 years ago

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January Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THE FIRST ANGEL FISH AWARDS OF 2020!

Cabin Fever (a long oneshot) by @slytherkins was nominated three times!

I said all of this in my reblog, but this is FUCKING GOLD. It depicts life with chronic pain so beautifully, I read most of this with my heart in my throat. Have tissues, heed the warnings, but definitely read this! - @mrswhozeewhatsis

Tara is the Queen of Angst. She never fails to break my heart but this fic was something else entirely. I always feel like her stories could be canon and this is no exception!! Dean was exactly how I imagine he would be, Sam too. Without giving any spoilers: the scene setting - I was there, I could see them preparing dinner, sat around the table eating, I felt the coldness of the snow.

The raw emotions were sublime, I cried with Dean. I felt I could feel his pain, I was with him every step of the way, I felt his desperation. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. - @princessmisery666

O. M. G. I don’t expect anything less than incredible when I read Tara’s stuff, but this is on another level. The angst is painful (literally, sometimes), the detail is exquisite. She put heart and soul into this, and it shows. And as always, her Dean is spot-tf-on. Tara’s a brilliant writer, and this fic is amazing. ❤❤❤ - @risingphoenix761

Nominated by @manawhaat

Satin (oneshot) by @wingedcatninja

This fic has some out of the box, vulnerable, sexy, surprising Dean feels! I went into it expecting one thing and what I got was so different from what I could have imagined, but it was so wonderful and refreshing to read!

Next Year (series) by @wingedcatninja

Holy crap, the intensity and control in this fic is astounding. It’s so palpable from start to end and this is only the first fucking part. Seriously stellar and surprisingly reverential.

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis

For Better or Worst (ongoing series) by @stunudo

There’s so much mystery and intrigue in this series and I just can’t stop wondering how it’s all going to work out! Sam made some kind of deal to save the world and the deal involved marrying this woman and getting out of hunting. But what was the deal, exactly? And where’s Dean? And who is this woman? What about Cas and Jack? I’m so freaking hooked and I can’t wait to find out!!

Nominated by @princessmisery666

Love You To Death (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not into AU’s but this had me hooked from the beginning. I hate Y/N, I hope she gets whats coming to her, but I also so desperately want to be her, which is a testament to the wonderful writing of both Lisa and Bee. I can’t wait to see how this one unfolds.

These two together are a force to be reckoned with.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch

One And One Make Three (series) by @supernatural-jackles

This series was absolutely stunning, beautifully written, and an amazing rollercoaster of emotion. Jen handled some very sensitive subject matters with grace and wit. It has ALL the feels; I cried, laughed, and loved right along with the characters.

Nominated by @flamencodiva

Skeptics and True Believers (series) by @d-s-winchester

I love this story! It had me on the edge of my seat when I read through the master list. the way she wove the story together made me happy for the ending to the story!

Good Things (series) by @crashdevlin

This is Part one to four parts of writing GOLD! Cassie knows how to completely put you in the story and envision what is happening.

How Do You Spell Forever? (series) by @kittenofdoomage

This is part one of a four parter and OMG! Can I say that this is sweet and cute and full of A/B/O goodness? because this is! and it should be read and shared!

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish

Heathens (series) by @pink1031

Why: I have been 1000000% hooked on this story since the first chapter was published. It’s a little bit twisted, a little bit wrong, a whole lot dirty, and a whole lot of amazing writing! At the time of this submission, the last chapter is in progress (don’t get me started on the fact that it’s ending D:). It is without a doubt, one of the few stories I stop what I am doing (life permitting) and read the new chapter when I get notified. READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY THOUGH, this is not a story for the faint of heart or those that get squicked out (is that even a term?). But if you like dark and dirty, this fic will absolutely be your jam.

Nominated by @risingphoenix761

My Home (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage

Short and sweet, but it got me all choked up. To repeat what I said in tags, bless this fic and the hands that typed it.

Feels Like The First Time (oneshot) by @stusbunker

This gets better every time I reread it. Sweet and sexy and kinda touching. Any time I need a Samwitch fix, I come back to this one. ❤

Nominated by @lovetusk ( @fictionalabyss )

Turning Into Butter (oneshot) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Lets be honest with this one, shall we? We’d ALL get that distracted by a half naked Dean.

Please Don’t Go (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87

Dawn tested out her Angsting abilities in this Adam x Reader fic, and I’m hoping we get to see more of it. Like why is Dean so angry? I NEED TO KNOW!

Someone You Loved (oneshot) by @ne-gans

So glad ne-gans is now part of the pond because now I can nominate this beautiful thing that made me cry.

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

Stupor (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence

The hottest hot to ever hot in the hottest way possible - SOULLESS!DOM!SAM!! I ded. Very hot. Much smut. Very good.

Hurt So Good (oneshot) by @alleiradayne

This was tasty. Pun intended. I have such a biting thing and Sam would be so amazing. Yes. Devour me, Winchester!! Loved it.

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666

I went into this one intrigued by the concept and I got even more than I was hoping for. A little twist I didn’t expect here, a perfect ending there. Amazing.

Control And Release (series) by @thecleverdame

I just needed to bring this one back. Started rereading the entire series and it’s still as amazing as the first time I read this masterpiece.

Photographs and Gasoline (oneshot) by @ne-gans

Always gotta check the new pond member list when I’m making my rounds. Found this fic and fell in love. It’s absolutely heartbreaking but I loved every second of it. Guess if I have to torture myself, I prefer to do it with beautiful writing like this.

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield

Smokes and Sex Toys (oneshot) by @wayward-and-worn

This is delightfully fucking filthy. But that’s not all; Dean’s characterization is SO DEAN - flirty yet straightforward - it reminded me of the scene with the bartender in Defending Your Life, I love the simple yet creative premise, and I adore that it’s left open-ended.

Sick Day - @fangirlxwritesx67

Viv wrote this for me - it’s true - but that isn’t the reason I’m nominating this; it’s because this is so warm and comfortable and just feels like Dean. Like I actually felt like I was in his lap while I feel asleep reading this. (Also, check out my girl’s other works. She’s fairly new but balls to the wall and bursting with ideas and words for just about anyone.)

Nominated by @slytherkins

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666

Short. Sinful. Sexy. It’s like a smutty snack that hits the spot. (And so does Dean.)

Nominated by @kittenofdoomage

What Goes Bump In The Night (series) by @saxxxology

A phenomenal series, historic and dark, with all the fantastic detail you’d expect from Saxxy and more! Please heed the warnings though!

The World Doesn’t Know (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr

A wonderful little smutty J2 fic, for those who enjoy that fantasy.

Marked (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I’ve only read the first chapter so far, but hot damn! This is a spectacular start to a promisingly dark series. AND The Right Spot - a smutty smutty follow up to another oneshot that literally made me sweat.

Just Like A Pill by @princessmisery666

The angsty sequel to In Spite Of What My Heart Says and you should totally read both parts, just keep tissues by you in case of heartbreak!

Nominated by @focusonspn

House Of The Rising Sun (series) by @kittenofdoomage

I’ve never liked BDSM themes too much but, OH MY GOOD!! This series is AMAZING!! It even has a sequel: The Ones You Love. Go and read it, you won’t regret it.

Yes, Sir (series) by @evansrogerskitten

Ash must be tired of me praising this fic but I can’t help myself, it’s one of my favorite series ever and deserves this recognition. This is a series that every John girl out there should be reading RIGHT NOW. It has everything! Smut, fluff and a tiny bit of angst and drama.

Good Vibrations (series) by @impala-dreamer

At first I wasn’t sure if I should bring this fic here because all the drama I heard it existed about it but, then I thought it twice, and I came to the conclusion that this fic definitely deserve to be part of these awards. This piece of writing was the first (after Dear John, I have to admit) that actually made me cry. It’s dark, it’s sad as fuck, it’s damn well written, and makes you easily get inside the characters and feel what they’re feeling. That being said, if you’re thinking of reading it, please HEED THE WARNINGS.

Take a Drunk Girl Home (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches

This fic is so beautiful and so well written that I promise you even can end up tearing up a little, but it’s so worth it that you won’t care a bit.

Nominated by @emilyshurley

His Property (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr

I freaking love this series to the point that i binged the series (and it’s sequel, Yours) in a single day.

Just Me & My Baby (oneshot) by @deanwinchesterswitch

Can’t get over how adorable it is.

Guns and Ribbons (series) by @myinconnelly1

What can I say Dean Winchester deserves all the love in this world and so does this series.

I Can See Clearly Now (oneshot) by @katehuntington

I can’t. I don’t have words. This is perfection.

In the Heat of the Night (series) by @evansrogerskitten

Nominated by @impalaimagining

Goals (oneshot) by @atc74

Okay. It's been a long time since I've found Sam smut that really gets me into it. This though - it's a whole different level of wonderful. I love the way it explores a woman finding and embracing her own sexuality, and the frustration that can come along with it. It's obvious how much effort and research and actual planning went into this. My favorite kinds of fics are those that draw from real life experiences, which I think it what makes this one so special. And the end? Yes please!

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67

Everything (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock

I can’t even talk about how great this J2 x reader series is without incoherent fangirl flailing. It’s wildly creative, sharply well written, and absolutely panty-melting filthy! And then just when you’re so hot and bothered that you can’t see straight, *boom*, it’s sweet and intimate and loving. I don’t think there’s a series out there I’ve read this many times!

Hark and Hush by @thoughtslikeaminefield

This is a luscious, dark and twisted fairy tale about Dean and the spirit of the Big Bad Wolf. It’s written so vividly that you can see and smell and taste the whole story. Sexy af, of course, and so intense- take the warnings seriously!

The Kind of Girl You Like (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield

To me, MJ will always be the Queen of the Winchester threesome and this series shows exactly why. Smoking hot story about the brothers sharing a sub that quickly unfolds into something complex and beautiful. The last chapter especially is written with so much emotional depth- the first time I read it, I was swearing and crying and smiling all at once because it was so well done! Just the best!

Nominated by @supersassyprobablysad

How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington

Hey so I wanted to do an angel fish award nom for Kate for her How You & I Will Be fic. In 5 parts she not only developed believable characters but by the end I was ugly crying (and I don’t cry a lot so that’s saying something). The ending feels totally necessary too, not like it was just done for shock value. Anyway I love it, it’s the best I’ve read in a long time.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

#afa masterlist #angel fish awards #spnfanficpond #spn fic rec #spn fanfic #fan fiction #fanfiction #fan fic #fanfic #spn fan fiction #spn fanfiction #supernatural fan fiction #supernatural fan fic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fanfic #fic rec #supernatural fic rec #spn fan fic

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monotonous-minutia · 4 years ago

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because I think of it altogether too much, some dialogue on the differences in the role of the Muse in Les contes d’Hoffmann, in the play versus in the opera. Enjoy my nerdy, disorganized, former-literature-major ramblings as I spend altogether too much time picking apart the minutia of this issue (but hey, it’s in my URL, so).

In the original play by Michael Carré and Jules Barbier (the same people who wrote the libretto for the opera), the Muse doesn’t double as Niklausse. We get two separate characters–the Muse and Hoffmann’s sidekick, Friédrick.

The play opens with a monologue from the Muse, similar to the one in the opera (some lines are taken verbatim). The monologue in the play, though, isn’t about the Muse being mad at Stella and wanting to win Hoffman’s love. It is in a lot of ways a love letter to the real Hoffmann’s writing, of which Carré was a huge fan (obviously, he wrote a whole play about them). The works of E.T. A. Hoffmann were (and to an extent, still are) hailed as being unique, strange, and otherworldy compared to most of what was seen at the time. The Muse here talks about her stories as if they’re her own, and she happens upon Hoffmann in the tavern (read: when he gets drunk, he gets inspired to write weird stuff). She’s here, then, to introduce this story–the play that we’re watching/reading–as one of her own. She does reappear at the end and makes a statement similar to that made at the conclusion of the opera, that the poet had to suffer to be truly great and now that he’s given up on love she has him to herself–but it’s not that she specifically tried to make this happen, she’s just pleased that it did.

After the Muse’s opening monologue, she tells the audience that the people are coming and she’s going to hide, because they scare her. She puts on a suit and hat similar to that warn by the students that will soon be populating the tavern, so she can blend in with them and not be noticed. I’m guessing this is where the inspiration for the Muse also being Niklausse eventually (partially) comes from.

But we don’t have Niklausse in the play; we get Friédrick. Friédrick is, in my perception, ridiculously adorable. He spends a good portion of the play serving sass. There’s a ton of banter between him and Hoffmann, and some with Friédrick and the side characters as well as they collectively role their eyes at Hoffmann. So, much similarity to Niklausse. A few differences, though: the guys in the tavern love making fun of him, because he’s younger, and Hoffmann is even a little bit meaner to him than their operatic counterparts, and Friédrick is just kind of resigned to it, though he does make fun of Hoffmann at times. Mostly he feels sorry for him and feels the need to take care of him, as he can’t seem to take care of himself.

Friédrick is referred to as Hoffmann’ “shadow,” in that he follows him around everywhere making sure he doesn’t get himself arrested or shanked. He is also referred to by Hoffmann as “the voice of reason” through all his adventures, though of course Friédrick doesn’t remember any of them, since they didn’t actually happen. But he is constantly dragging Hoffmann out of trouble in these stories, which is why Dappertutto tries to off him in the Giulietta act. Dappertutto is annoyed that Friédrick first rescues Hoffmann from Olympia when she goes crazy (which is a big part of the play, and written into the libretto, but rarely ever portrayed on stage for the opera), then saves him from Crespel when Crespel tries to get Hoffmann for (as he perceives) killing Antonia (another bit that’s in the libretto but rarely portrayed onstage) and, finally, is trying to literally drag him away from Giulietta. As with Niklausse, Hoffmann severely under-appreciates Friédrick and all that his friend does for him. But when Dappertutto tries to give him a “sleeping potion” that he says will just make him pass out long enough for Hoffmann to get it on with Giulietta, Hoffmann kind of gets a reality check when he’s like “Wait, okay, but what if he drinks it and then he dies?” Dappertutto insists that no such thing is even remotely possible. I do wonder where Hoffmann’s sudden suspicion and consideration comes from. Like, is he already suspicious of Dappertutto, or is he just concerned because Friédrick is so small a single dose of Nyquil could end him? (Being a lightweight myself, I do wonder.) But we never find out either way, because Giulietta waltzes onstage and downs the poison first and of course Friédrick arrives just in time to save Hoffmann yet again. I just gotta wonder: given Friédrick is not the Muse in this version, why is it that he’s the one who drags Hoffmann out of trouble over and over again in a series of stories that didn’t actually happen? As constantly annoyed as he seems at Friédrick, he’s the one making the choice to have him play that role. And Friédrick is pretty cool with it. I guess they were roommates.

The Muse’s role, then, comes with a different vibe. She doesn’t have any influence over Hoffmann’s love life or seem quite as imminently concerned about it. She’s not following him around in the same way; she kind of just has to wait for him to come around. She’s less assertive and pretty resigned to having to deal with the constant BS but at the same time seems less bothered by it. She’s not totally dependent on him or solely invested in him; she just likes him a lot and enjoys writing stories with him. The operatic Muse is much more definitively attached to Hoffmann and sees his love life as a direct opposition to them. The stakes are higher for them than for the Muse in the play.

The whole Muse/Niklausse dynamic on the opera fascinates me to no end. I can’t even quite put into words the thoughts I have about it. Lately when I think about the question “If you could go back in time and talk to anyone in history who would it be?” I just want to go and talk to Barbier and Carré and ask how they came to the decision to make Niklauuse and the Muse the same character because–is there really anything in literature that’s quite the same as that? We get “a madwoman, come down from the heavens, to fight with a frivolous woman over the love of a fool” (a line from the libretto) who transforms themself into their poet’s best friend, and deals with his BS which is (as I rambled on a bit in an earlier post) borderline emotional abuse in some cases and even in its mildest forms raises the question “Why, sweetie, why do you put up with this.” Well, they can’t not, can they? What’s a Muse supposed to do? They’ve got their poet and have no other purpose in life that to serve as their inspiration. What would they do if Hoffmann did actually choose Stella over them? It’s basically out of the question.

So looking then at the Muse/Friédrick dynamic was an interesting transition. I can start to see some of the pieces but in some ways it also raises more questions. Was Niklausse ever an actual person, like Friédrick? Is the Muse donning the disguise for just that one night, to be witness to the storytelling, as the Muse in the play does? Does the operatic Muse just figure that Hoffmann will be drunk enough to not notice the difference when the real Niklausse comes back later? Or was Niklausse the Muse all along, and the Muse has for years (or however long) personified themself as another student to try and win Hoffmann on his level? Further, is it Hoffmann who comes up with all the little things that Niklausse does that hints to us what his status actually is, showing that Hoffmann is subconsciously aware of the connection all along? Or is it the Muse infiltrating the storytelling as it occurs to insert themself further, trying to get Hoffmann to really see them during the course of the telling?

On one hand I go crazy over the fact that these questions are never answered, and I wonder why the librettists went from the relatively straightforward Muse/Friédrick dynamic to the super meta, almost incomprehensible Muse/Niklausse dynamic. On the other hand, I appreciate the weird genius behind this that makes me think unreasonably hard about the creative process and art in general and also the relationships we have with people in our lives who we depend on in ways such as this. Also, I appreciate how the ambiguity allows different productions of the opera to have so many interpretations of the role (although there are definitely some interpretations that can go to hell as far as I’m concerned).

Also I think a lot about the names. I think Friédrick is just a cute name and I think it suits the original character. And the transition to Niklausse makes sense: a new interpretation of the character warrants a new name–plus Niklausse comes from “Nicholas” which means “victorious people” which makes sense, you know? Niklausse triumphs in the end, so why not have a powerful name like that? If I were a Muse taking on a human form on earth, I’d want something with that kind of power, too.

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empathicstars · 5 years ago

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Good evening.

I am here to acknowledge the ask that @pocmuzings posted about me.

In case you haven’t seen it, the ask implies that I said I “agree to disagree” on racism. These are vile and horrible words... none of which I ever said.

But before I go any further, I wish to extend a deep apology to anyone that I have hurt and anything that I have said that has injured those that I care about. I love you all deeply and fully, and I wish only the best for each and every single one of you.

Regardless, I would like to address what the anon is referring to.

I am friends with Jeanette, ltbroccoli, a roleplayer who I have been writing with for four years. Together we moderate a small roleplaying group, run two directories, and write... a lot. I’ve often joked that Jeanette is my sister, because we’re joined at the hip.

I like to think I know her very well.

A year ago, there was a blog ( whose URL/name/etc. I cannot recall ) who added a muse from Doctor Who that killed black people. I haven’t watched Doctor Who in years so I cannot give you any further information on this character, but this is what I was told. Many people told the mun it was reprehensible, and they removed their character rather quickly, from my memory, and apologized, but they continued to receive hateful anons. Jeanette saw the ensuing hate and reblogged a post about people having the freedom to write whatever they wish, and how they shouldn’t be bullied over it.

At the time, I was very conflicted. I understood that Jeanette closely valued “ic =/= ooc” and had a no-bullying policy, and I understood that my other friends believed that writing a topic such as that made someone racist in real life. I didn’t know where I stood at the time, and I didn’t believe I had any right to speak over POC’s voices. But what I did know was that Jeanette did not -- nor would ever -- write anything along the lines of genocide, and that in real life, she was actively working on her biases and listening to POC voices. I understood her post came from the position of not wishing to bully people for their fiction, and not from the position of thinking racism or genocide were good things.

In the ensuing year, we grew far more distant, because of my discomfort with that post and because of personal mental health struggles. Only recently have we really been close again.

Not long ago, she made a post on one of her blogs offering to help BLM. If you donated a monetary amount to a BLM or similar charity, she would make you a header, a promo, something along those lines. An ask was sent to pocmuzings accusing her of defending a writer who wished to write a N*zi who wrote genocide. She publicly apologized for it. As this reblogged post -- the basis of all of these claims -- was reblogged a year ago, Jeanette has had discussions about this, learned more, and understands how writing such a character can be harmful to real minorities. She is open to conversation, listening, understanding, learning more, and challenging her biases.

I am white and cannot definitively say for sure, but to me, these are not the actions of a racist.

Never have I ever said that it is alright to “agree to disagree” on racism. I simply do not see racism in Jeanette. I see a person who is willing and eager to learn from her mistakes. I believe in accepting apologies and celebrating change. I believe in learning. And I believe in giving people more chances. I understand that not everyone is comfortable with such -- and thus, I support everyone doing whatever they must for their mental health and safety.

I will be making no more posts on this subject, and my asks and IMs will be temporarily limited. In addition, I may be taking a small break.

Hope you all stay safe and have a wonderful evening.

#( out of language. )#racism tw

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myhoneststudyblr · 5 years ago

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Anxiety

So I don’t usually post about personal stuff. In fact I never post about actual personal stuff but I want to start doing it more because one of the best things about studyblr is the community but I think sometimes the reality of what it’s like to be a student today can sometimes get lost in all the aesthetic and self care and study tips. And anyway, my url is myhoneststudyblr so maybe I should be honest and share something with you guys.

***

With that in mind:

I just had a panic attack.

It came completely out of the blue and wasn’t even anything to do with studying or school or something like that. Or maybe it was. Maybe deep in my subconscious, I’m stressed about something or something upset me today in school and i just don’t fully realise it. Maybe it’s just school I general, I don’t know. But anyway the immediate cause of it wasn’t anything study related.

I had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my headphones.

I was getting ready for bed, listening to my Taylor Swift Playlist (aka my happy, nostalgia songs) and I looked at my bedside table and my headphones weren’t there.

Now this isn’t actually anything unusual, so I did what I usually do and go check my desk, where 90% of the time is exactly where I find them no problem.

They weren’t there.

So I looked in the next place they usually are, the place I find my headphones the remaining 9.9% of the time: the pockets of my blazer.

They weren’t there.

This is where I began to panic.

I frantically checked my ‘phone pocket’ again. And then I did it again just in case I missed it the last two times. And then I looked the the other two pockets in my blazer: I never usually put my headphones in either of those pockets but maybe - hopefully - I put them in there this time.

They weren’t there.

By this point, my breath is getting a little short. I’m telling myself to calm down, make a plan, deep breaths in and out, count to 10, you can solve this!!! But while one part of my brain - the logical part that has read and remembers all the self care posts that flit around the studyblr community - is telling me all these sensible things, the other part - the illogical one that’s making my breath short and my heart pound - is thinking about what it means if I can’t find my headphones.

I’m thinking about how if I can’t find my headphones then I can’t listen to music before I go to bed and if I ever do that I feel like I’ve not properly finished my day, like I’ve stopped halfway through a task. I hate it. And then if I can’t find my headphones tonight, I’m not going to be able find them tomorrow morning because I won’t have time. And if I don’t have them tomorrow morning, I won’t have them in school. And if I don’t have them in school, I won’t have them on the bus for my journey back home, which again feels like I’ve not done a task properly, like something is left incomplete somehow, and I’m going to have to sit in silence, looking every now and then at my phone and thinking and thinking about the fact that I don’t have my headphones. And then the cycle will continue to that evening when I can’t listen to music and to the next day on the bus. And it just repeats and repeats and repeats.

By this point I have looked in every draw in my desk, checked and rechecked my pencil case and school bag and almost completely unpacked all the clothes, makeup and other assorted items I’d only just packed in a big suitcase to go to my mum’s house. I have checked the laundry basket three times and every pocket in all the bags and still could not find my headphones.

I am now barely able to see cause I’m crying and my breaths are getting quicker and quicker. And my mind will just not stop thinking .

I can’t keep looking, I sit down on the edge of my bed and grab my phone. Through eyes blurry with tears I text my dad to come up to my room.

Then I realise, as soon as I press send, how stupid this problem sounds. I can’t find my headphones.

This just makes it worse.

My dad comes upstairs and talks me briefly through it. He tells me that he is sure he can find some of his headphones and anyway, he’ll go see if he can find them now. You just go finish getting ready for bed.

But I’m in such a state at this point that I can’t. So I check everything in my room again: all the pockets, the floor, mixed up with my clothes in my bag.

Finally, I recheck my laundry and I find my headphones, tucked away in the deep pocket of my skirt.

I cannot explain the relief I felt.

***

I was still feeling - am still feeling really - a bit shaky after it. And to be honest, now that I’ve blurted all this out, reached the end of my little story, I don’t really know what the point is.

I guess, I want people to remember that everyone experiences stress and anxiety and everybody experiences it in different ways and different severities. I want people to remember that all those self care posts are good and all (and tbh I’m probably going to keep reblogging them just in case somebody needs to read it) but in reality, if you’re panicking or you’re crying or anything like that, you’re probably not going to remember all that wonderful advice. Finally, I want people to remember that you are never truly alone. I always find this a bit patronising and, when I’m feeling really shit, I always think it’s wrong, but you really aren’t. Talk to your parents or those who you live with if you feel comfortable with that. Send a text to your best friend. Listen to music from your favourite singer at the loudest volume so it feels like they are right there with you. Message someone on tumblr (anyone can message me and I’ll try to help). Or maybe even write a tumblr post.

***

It is harder for me to think of people who haven’t had panic attacks, or breakdowns or anything similar in my own friend group in school than it is to think of people who haven’t. It’s so common and so accepted that it has almost become a joke- “oh last night I didn’t get much done, I had a breakdown while doing my chemistry homework- a levels! am I right?!??”

This is not okay.

But this not being the way education and teenagers mental health should be is not your fault

No matter what teachers, parents, friends or whoever else might say, you should never feel bad for the way you feel. You should never feel bad for feeling like you can’t cope or having a bad day. You should never feel bad for panicking, even for something as ‘stupid’ as losing your headphones.

Because if it makes you feel that way, then it’s not stupid. Not at all.

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simmonsofshield · 4 years ago

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Reassignment

Part 1/1

Pairing: none Characters: Kate Beckett, Kevin Ryan, Javier Esposito, Jemma Simmons, Philip Coulson

Summary: Amidst clean up after the Battle of New York, things happen and Officer Y/N ends up in the quinjet’s medical bay.

Words: 1900+

A/N: Unplanned, but I guess in honor of my url change, Jemma has a small feature in this fic! This was originally gonna be a copy-paste of one of my fics from wattpad, but then I wanted to make it more accurate to New York so 98% of this is new writing. So much for trying to cut corners. 🤷😂 Loose tie-ins of Agents of SHIELD and Castle. (Characters, not really the shows..) Canonically, Skye (Daisy) wouldn’t have her powers yet, but my story my rules lol. So she does. Three weeks late (I was suppose to post this on the 1st), but at least I got it done, right? This is for @fanfictionaries‘s classic trope challenge. I chose police au. Takes place after Avengers.

Police codes key: 12-David-19 [Precinct # - city section - police car id] used 9th precinct as reference 10-50 Disorderly (group, person, noise) non-crime 10-10 Possible crime (many tags, the one i use is P, suspicious person/prowler)

“Here’s what’s going on today,” Captain Beckett begins, “it’s been almost six months since the Battle of New York. Midtown South is still asking for help with crowd control and patrol of the area, as most of their officers are helping with clean up. I told them the 12th Precinct is happy to help as long as it doesn’t interfere with our daily patrols. Today they’re only asking for two, so Ryan and Esposito, it’s on you today. Just make sure no weirdos or teens with sticky fingers try to get in the rubble.”

“Yes Captain.”

“L/N, my office, please.”

You look at her with surprise, then over to the boys. Ryan is the first to speak, rolling his eyes, “Of course. Little Y/N getting special treatment once again. I bet you’re getting put on a really cool case. You know, she’s basically training you to be a mini her.”

You roll your eyes back at him, “Sounds like you’re just jealous because I rose to this rank in half the time it took you.”

“Ooooo...” Esposito calls from his desk, “want some ice for that burn?”

“Shut up,” he mumbles as he slumps back in his chair.

You laugh as you walk to Beckett’s office, the door being closed behind you. You start to get worried when she starts shutting the blinds too. “Captain?”

She sets a file in front of you and begins explaining. “Though Kevin was joking, he wasn’t wrong. You have impressed me since you came here from the academy. You were the youngest to be promoted to detective, and your persistence hasn’t gone unnoticed. Which is why I think you’re perfect for this particular assignment.”

She nods to the file, and you pick it up, opening it. Your brows furrow at the first page and you look back up at her, “I don’t understand. Philip Coulson died on a helicarrier before the attack on New York even happened. Didn’t Loki kill him or whatever?”

“Originally, yes.”

“Originally?”

“Most if it is redacted and classified, but what was released - specifically for you in this file, turn the page - was that some experimental tech was used and more or less brought him back to life.”

You read exactly that as she says it, but you’re left with more questions than answers with every page turn. “What do you mean specifically for me? How many people know he’s alive?”

She blows out some air, sitting down at her desk to look you in the eye, “Only SHIELD level 7 and above. We are of only a few civilians that know. This cannot leave this room. The only others that know are ones that will be a part of this team that Agent Coulson is putting together alongside Agent Maria Hill and Director Fury.”

Again, more questions. “But...I’m a homicide detective...not SHIELD...” You pause for a moment as you try to form a question with all the information that is now in your mind, “Why me?” is what you come up with.

She shrugs, “That’s a question for Coulson or Hill. I can’t answer it. You’ll work today but after that you’ll be with SHIELD and Coulson,” she nods back to the file, “I suggest you finish reading through that tonight.” She stands up and walks toward the door.

“I’m sorry, Captain, one last question,” she lets go of the door handle and turns around, “what does all this mean for this job? Am I like fired or something?”

“No, no, nothing like that,” she says with a smile, “Agent Hill and I already discussed the technicalities, but basically what will be said is that you’re going undercover with SHIELD for a big operation and you’ll be gone for a few weeks. Which, really, isn’t that much of a lie.”

You nodded, somewhat understanding, “Yes, ma’am. See you in a few weeks, I guess.”

She also nods, smiling, “Likewise, detective.”

Nearing the end of your shift, you’re about to head back to the station when there’s an aggravated call on the scanner. “10-50. These crowds are getting out of hand. More officers needed in Midtown near Grand Central.”

You go back and forth in your head for a moment before deciding to respond, “Dispatch, add 12-David-19 to that 10-50 call. En route from East Village. ETA about 20 minutes.” You turn on your lights and try to get there as fast as you can.

Arriving on scene, you park about four blocks away, at Park and 38th, which is as close as you can get with all the rubble and destroyed buildings. This is the main drag of where most of the Avenger’s fight happened. It’s no surprise that half of New York is here to see the damage, even six months later.

Now on foot, you’re about halfway to Grand Central Station when you hear the breaking of glass and catch some suspicious activity out of the corner of your eye. You follow, talking into your radio, “This is 12-David-19. I’ve got a 10-10P. Kids breaking windows of businesses. It doesn’t look like they’ve stolen anything yet. I’m going to keep an eye on them. Requesting one or two officers for backup if anyone can leave Grand Central Station. 40th street, headed NorthEast.”

You casually follow at a distance until all of a sudden, “Whoa, dudes, check this out!” One of the kids picks up a weapon of some sort. Clearly not of this world and from the Battle, you’re 99% sure. He poses with it and one of his friends takes a picture of him with their phone. “I wonder what this button does.”

“Ahh!” Whatever came out of the weapon hits you directly in the shoulder and you fall to the ground. This is the first time the group of kids notice your presence. They fight for a moment, deciding whether to run or help. A groan from you cuts their argument short and most leave, while two stay.

By what you can tell with your blurry vision, they seem to be brothers. The one walking towards you is clearly friends with the ones that fled, while the other is younger. If you had to guess, you’d say early high school, 14-16, and 12ish for their ages.

You grab your radio and talk into it softly. Hopefully someone will be able to hear you. “Ambulance needed at location of 10-10. Officer down, shot with some sort of alien weapon.”

The older one kneels beside you and takes off his shirt, wrapping it around your wound, attempting to make a tourniquet. You let out a raspy laugh. It’s not quite right, but you appreciate the attempt. “You seem to know what you’re doing.”

You can see the fear still on his face but he smiles nonetheless, “I’ve seen a few medical shows. I think this is right.”

“Anything to slow the bleeding. You’re doing good. What’s your name?”

“Derek Saunders. Am I going to jail?”

“N-no, why would you think that?”

“My friend shot you. Aren’t I an accessory or whatever?”

You shake your head, “You watch cop shows too?” you joke.

“My dad’s a cop. He’s helping at Grand Central right now.”

You cough out another laugh. How convenient. You’re about to tell him to call his dad on your radio when you hear another blast. It feels like it happens in slow motion. You watch as the burst of energy goes up at an angle and hits the building next to where you’re laying. You hear the boy yell something in the opposite direction, you’re assuming at his brother, who most likely got curious and picked up the alien weapon. You see the huge pieces of building falling towards you and Derek.

You let out a scream, though you’re not sure how loud it is due to your blood loss and how tired you’re getting. You close your eyes, knowing the inevitable is going to happen, and just waiting for it. You feel the ground rumble and try to open your eyes to understand what's going on, but you can’t.

Your world goes black.

You wake up to the sound of steady beeping. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the brightness of the fluorescent lights, but once you do you begin to panic. You know this is medical equipment and you’re in a room of some sort, but you’re not sure, something doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t seem like a hospital room.

You hear the whooshing of an automatic door sliding open. “It’s okay, officer. No need to panic. You are in great hands.” A pleasant British voice says to you. It does put you at ease a little.

The brunette seems to be taking your vitals or something at the moment, writing on a clipboard. You clear your throat, “Uh..where am I?”

“Oh of course,” she smiles embarrassedly, “welcome to the Bus. We’re with SHIELD. You’re safe.” she reassures.

“The Bus?” you raise an eyebrow.

“Yes,” your eyes shoot to the new voice, “welcome aboard.”

“Agent Coulson.” You try to sit up, but the pain in your shoulder stops you. You wince and lay back down.

“I assumed our meeting would be under better circumstances, but this’ll have to do.” he says with a smile. “Thank you, Simmons.” he nods at the girl and she leaves.

“What happened?”

“We heard your call on 40th.”

“Were you tracking me?”

“No,” he scoffs, “just making sure you didn’t get hurt before we got to meet you. Kinda failed at that, huh?”

You can’t help but chuckle a little, “Okay, but how the heck did I....” you trailed off, trying to think of how to word your question.

“Not die?” he looks at you, finishing your sentence.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You have Skye to thank for that. To avoid a lengthy explanation, she has the ability to ‘quake’ things apart and stopped the piece of building from falling on you and the young man helping you.”

“What happened to Derek and his brother?”

“They’re safe. And the weapon has been confiscated, now SHIELD property.”

You nodded, content with his explanations. There’s a lull in the conversation and you take the time to actually take in your surroundings. The room you’re in is glass on three sides, the fourth being a wall of shelves for medical items. You look down at yourself, not in a gown like a hospital, but someone’s tank top and shorts. You’d have to ask about that later. You focus on your shoulder, eyes going wide. It still hurts, but looks completely healed.

“Pretty cool, huh?” you look at Agent Coulson, who is smiling like a proud dad, “you’d lost a lot of blood by the time we found you. We immediately put you in the tissue regeneration pod and got it going on your shoulder. It looks healed, but you’ll have to stay in here for a couple more days and be monitored.”

“Tissue regeneration? How long was I out?”

“From when we found you to getting you to the pod, only a few minutes, but we had to anesthetize you so you wouldn’t wake up during the regeneration, so you've been out for about 16 hours.”

“Oh.” is all you’re able to say, still taking it in. Tissue regeneration. How are you supposed to comprehend that? “Thanks, I guess.”

He nods, “So are you ready to discuss your new position with SHIELD?”

Besides the man being in front of you, you had completely forgotten about your transition from NYPD detective to possibly SHIELD agent? The two of you certainly had a lot to talk about. “Yes, sir.”

#mcu x reader #marvel x reader #agents of shield fanfiction #FanFictionariesClassicTropeChallenge #aos fanfiction #MCU fanfiction #aos ff #agents of shield ff #aos fanfic #mcu ff #agents of shield

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erindoodless · 5 years ago

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a magical kind of love

CHAPTER 1: A NEW BEGINNING FOR DANIEL HOWELL

author’s note: sorry for taking so long to write this! school is very tiring. i hope to post at least every sunday! let me know if you would like to be on my tag list so you will be notified of future chapters and works.

summary: dan gets accepted into hogwarts and meets a new friend on the hogwarts express.

type: modern phan hogwarts au

wc: 2.3k

honorable mention: to my beta readers for their amazing editing skills and being able to read it very last minute @violetofthesea @some-angelic-flowers @hermit-with-friendz

read on ao3 or continue reading below!

As Dan walked through the train station, he felt nervous butterflies in the pit of his stomach. He never liked normal school so the last place he wanted to go was Hogwarts. The idea of being among loads of obnoxious, magical people his own age stressed him out. All he wanted to do was stay home and go on the internet for the rest of his life because it was the only place he could be himself.

While he strolled into the station, it started to rain. Dan didn’t like the rain very much, so he sped to the entrance of the building. This made him believe that going to a wizardly school was such a terrible idea that the sky started to cry. In reality, it was raining to represent a new phase in his life. A brand new beginning for him.

When Dan first got his letter, both he and his parents were very confused. Although neither of his parents are Muggles, and he had exhibited magic before, he lacked any passion for it. They were sure that Dan wouldn’t get accepted for that reason, but his letter came anyway, and their attitudes changed. They were very excited for the first time in a long time for their son. Even though he didn’t want to leave his bedroom, Dan felt pressured by them to go. His bedroom was the only place he found peace. Yet, despite all his complaints, his irritating parents still made him go.

Dan’s mother took him along to the station on the day he was sent to Hogwarts. Similar to him, his mother had mouse-brown hair and dark brown eyes. Dan imagined that he used to have a more trustworthy relationship with his mother. Unfortunately, that was lost as soon as both of his parents shared their opinions about certain topics that he disagreed with. For being just 11 years old, Dan was intelligent for his age because he was able to form opinionated thoughts about controversial ideas due to his free access to the internet. They walked along with the platform. Dan still felt upset about the whole situation while he pushed his loud trolley. He was glad that his parents let him bring his dog Colin along so he could have some sort of friend. He was happy that Hogwarts updated their policies to allow dogs.

“Oh, don’t look so miserable Daniel. This is an opportunity that most children don’t get! You should feel lucky,” his mother said to him with a disappointing look on her soft face. The only thing that brought Dan ease from his mother is her tendency to feel empathetic for him. But in this circumstance, he didn’t feel any love at all and his mother was just disappointing him. “I’m sure you will meet loads of new friends.”

Dan let out a heavy sigh. He never had good friends at his primary school so he wasn’t sure why his mother believed that Hogwarts would be any different. The one time he had a friend was in his 4th year of primary school. His 8-year-old self tried to kiss him after they had a conversation about kissing, but the boy ran off before anything could happen. He never heard from him again.

As Dan was thinking about his time at primary school and walking through the station, his mother suddenly stopped in front of a pillar while Dan is lost in thoughts about primary school. “You’re supposed to run into the pillar. Didn’t you read the letter at all? The train is at platform 9 and ¾,” his mother asked, annoyed at Dan’s disinterest obvious in her voice.

“No? Why would I read a letter about a place I don’t want to go to? And why do they make you go to a platform that doesn’t exist?” Dan replied, not bothering to hide his misery. “And I’ll probably regret going even though you all think I’ll feel guilty about not going.”

This was a drastic moment when Dan’s awful life was changed forever. Without listening to his mother’s response, he just ran into the stone pole with his trolley and Colin yelped.

And there he was. He was standing right in front of the Hogwarts Express with loads of other wide-eyed children and their supportive families. Since it was 10:55 am, and the train was due to leave at 11 am, he decided to just get on the enchanted train so he could avoid his crazy mother as much as possible.

Fortunately for him, he was able to find a seat in an empty compartment. He sat down with a sigh of relief. The compartment consisted of 4 seats, 2 shelves to put up luggage, and a giant window. The luxurious seats were so squishy that one could easily sink into them.

The brown-eyed boy set his stuff down and let his dog out of that horrid cage. He was fully against putting Colin in a cage because he knew he was perfectly capable of walking to the station, but Dan’s mother and father said he would have to put the dog in a cage or leave him at home. Since he found comfort in Colin, he chose to put him into the confinement even though it made him feel very guilty. When the small dog came out, he did a long stretch and laid down on the comfy seat. Dan began petting him lovingly.

He came prepared for the 9-hour train ride to Scotland with his tablet, earbuds, and downloaded the whole season of Yuri On Ice!!! ‘It took 4 hours to download the episodes so this better be worth it’, Dan thought to himself. Thankfully, he also remembered to bring his portable charger in case his tablet battery got too low.

Just as he was about to start the first episode, he heard a soft knock on the door. Startled, he looked up to see a pale-skinned boy with bright blue eyes and bright ginger hair in the slightly opened doorway. Dan was not expecting to have any visitors so this was quite a surprise for him.

“Do you mind if I sit with you? Everywhere else is full,” the pale boy stammered out. He had a strong Northern accent and seemed very shy. Dan hesitantly nodded and the boy quickly sat down.

Dan avoided eye contact with the boy as long as he could and took a few glimpses at him while he was looking out the window. He had lots of colors in his eyes. His soft, orange hair was styled in a quiff. And damn, he was pretty. Even though he was just 11, Dan knew that he found boys nicer to look at than girls. This was another part of him that he had never told anyone in fear of rejection besides, of course, the one friend he tried to kiss. Thankfully, his old friend was somewhat a good person and never told anyone about what happened, even if he made a point of not talking to Dan after. The other parts included his Tumblr URL and his love for anime.

A few minutes later, Dan felt light taps on his shoulder. He looked up and saw that the boy was trying to speak to him. He paused his anime and took an earbud out to listen to what he had to say. “Hey, uh… My name is Phil Lester. What’s yours?” The boy, now known as ‘Phil’, questioned, somewhat awkwardly, his face turning even more red than his hair. He had a high pitched voice, though that might’ve just been nerves. Dan thought it was cute.

“Dan,” was all he said while not looking at Phil in the face. He returned to his anime because he knew he would start crushing hard if they began to have a conversation.

In the next hour or so, Dan noticed Phil eyeing Colin while the dog stared right back at him. Dan took his earbud out again and said, “You can pet him if you want.” Phil looked up at Dan surprised while the brown-eyed boy still wasn’t looking at him in the eye. The pale boy timidly placed his small hand on Colin’s head and began gently stroking him. Dan had never seen someone stroke an animal so delicately in his whole 11 years of being alive. The dog was having the time of his life as Phil began petting his belly.

“Wow, he really likes you,” Dan said out of confusion. He was shocked because it usually takes a while for Colin to trust people.

“Well, I guess I do have a way with animals,” Phil replied with a small smile on his face. “I live on a farm with my parents filled with lots of unique creatures. Maybe if I get to know you better, I can bring you home one time! We have thestrals, house cats, thunderbirds, and loads more. My favorite would have to be my own thestral, Henry,” he babbled on. Dan was distracted by when Phil said he could take him home. Does that mean someone finally wanted to befriend Dan?

“Did you bring a pet with you?” asked Dan. He was curious because he was the other way around where his parents never told him much about the magical world. Since they assumed he would never get into Hogwarts, he didn’t have an opportunity to learn much about special creatures.

“Yes! I have my lovely pygmy puff. She’s a bit on the crazy side, especially since a dog is here, so I’m going to leave her in her cage for now. I’ll show you her another time,” Phil smiled while looking at the small cage.

“Anyway, what are you watching on the screen thing? I’ve been curious about it the whole train ride,” the pale boy questioned. Dan wondered why the boy was suddenly being so talkative after sitting for an hour and not doing or saying anything. “Is that Muggle technology? My parents would never let me have technology.”

Dan was astonished to hear this. “You mean you’ve never watched anime, been on Tumblr, read fanfiction…?” Phil shook his head and had a puzzled look on his face. “Alright then. Come over here and we can watch this anime together.”

Phil blushed a bit again and went across to sit next to Dan. He was more fascinated by Dan’s tablet than anything else. He had never seen a piece of technology in this life besides the few times his parents took him out in public. Colin laid between the two boys while the blue-eyed boy was delightfully petting him again. “So, what exactly is an anime?” Phil inquired. Dan was even more shocked to hear this.

“Japanese cartoon. I need to show you everything now,” Dan responded. Phil let out a squeaky giggle and it made Dan’s checks turn deep red because of how angelic it sounded. “This one I download for the train is Yuri On Ice!!! It’s a competitive figure skating anime and it’s super gay.” That was another word Dan had learned from the internet. He had discovered all the different sexualities.

Phil looked even more excited now because if it’s a cheerful story, then it must be a great story. His parents had told him very little about the Muggle world and they didn’t want him to be involved with technology. All they wanted was their little boy to be a happy farmer. He spent the majority of his childhood reading educational magic books on the different creatures and plants on his family’s farm. He remembers reading the word ‘gay’ in one of his books and it was used to describe pure bliss.

“Oh, I love happy stories,” Phil stated with a small grin.

“I mean, this story has some sad bits. What makes you assume it’s a happy story?” Dan asked in a perplexed voice.

“Because it’s gay.”

Dan burst out laughing. “You know what, nevermind. You’ll learn eventually.” This made Phil even more bewildered than ever, but he just went along with it. Dan gave Phil one of his earbuds and showed him where to put it because he was originally trying to put it in his nostrils. Then they finally began watching. It turned out to be very depressing at the beginning. In Phil’s opinion, it wasn’t very gay. However, throughout the 22 minutes, it became quite funny with all the characters’ dramatic reactions.

After watching the first episode, Dan took out his earbud, and Phil did the same. “So, what did you think?” Dan asked in curiosity.

“I thought it was not happy at all. But I like the characters. And the theme song was good,” Phil responded, still unsure of the whole anime thing. They continued to watch the remaining episodes. Phil began obsessing over Yuri because of their similar love for dogs.

About 5 hours had gone by when they finally finished the anime. They had mini discussions between each episode so it took much longer than Dan expected. They still had 3 hours left on the train. The boys were struggling to think of something they could do or talk about because they didn’t want to be bored out of their minds.

While Dan was thinking of what they could do next, he felt something lay onto his shoulder. He looked over at Phil and realized he had fallen asleep with his head on Dan’s shoulder. Dan let out a sigh and accepted that he wouldn’t be able to move for a long time. He was feeling pretty tired as well so he rested his head against the back of the seat and closed his eyes.

He slowly fell asleep, happy that he possibly made a new friend.

authors note: please reblog and like if you enjoyed reading! again, let me know if you want on to be the tag list!

#erin writes #phan #dan and phil #daniel howell #amazingphil #dan howell #phil lester #danisnotonfire #phanfiction #phanfic #phanfics #fic #fanfiction #ao3 #fanfic #fanfics #dan

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clubmudkip · 4 years ago

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The final moments of Mixer - What happens at the end of all things?

There weren’t a lot of people online for Mixer’s final moments, and I feel like this should be documented somewhere. So here it is: what it was like to watch interactive livestreaming platform Mixer exhale its very last breath.

It was announced that Mixer would be shut down on July 22nd, 2020. So hundreds of users gathered to watch the few final streams. In the minutes leading up to 12:00 midnight PST, users watched a purple and orange confetti graphic fall from the banner at the top of the site, covering streams and chats in small circles. A celebration of the end, we waited for the clock to roll over. What does the End look like? What happens when a website ceases to exist? We all wanted to find out.

For the final hours I watched Mixer user Magiccake62 (now on Twitch under the same name!) stream her usual creative art stream; on this night she chose to make clay figures to celebrate the release of indie game Ooblets. From her hands sprang small birds, mushrooms, and frogs; all collectible creatures from the game. Finally she said, “What are they gonna do, BAN me?” and streamed a movie from her childhood. Fortunately for Maggiccake62, no copyright strikes were received, and she was able to continue until the movie’s end.

Midnight came, and then went. And it was uneventful. We were all still here. Streams were still running. I was confused, so I did what every person born into the Age of the Internet would do. I googled it. I found one single source. (https://dotesports.com/streaming/news/mixer-shutdown-reportedly-set-for-july-23-after-marketing-error) Gaming news website DotEsports was the only reporter of... a marketing error? Despite all official sources listing the 22nd as the true shutdown time, DotEsports insists the true shutdown to be 11am PST on the 23rd. Honestly, this is so on brand for Mixer, you wonderful garbage website.

So we laughed and shrugged, some of us kept streaming, but most of us went to bed.

I needed to see the End. What does it feel like when our provider provides no more? Where do you go when you are kicked out of your home? How often does a community simply cease to exist?

I set my alarm early. I woke up at 8:45 PST. Only a few streamers were active. Most were bots running pre-recorded content; facecams saying “Thank you and remember to follow me on Twitch.tv!”. Of the few active users, I saw gamers playing Miinecraft, Fortnite, and various first person shooters that I’m not familiar with. I saw one dude streaming porn (because what are they gonna do, BAN him?). Someone was doing a radio show entitled “Mixer’s Funeral” which featured a looping gif of Gibby from iCarly playing a trumpet in front of a coffin, accompanied by various ‘80’s popular music titles. At 9:00am PST Halo Infinite was announced; many users livestreamed their reaction to the title.

Around 10:00am PST I stumbled upon a co-stream hosted by users DigiDuncan, Gambiy23, and DB05 (all can be found on Twitch under those same names). Each streamer did their own thing; Gambiy23 streamed sitcom King of Queens right from Netflix (because what are they gonna... you know the rest), DigiDuncan scrolled through Mixer watching bits and pieces of others’ final streams, and DB05 watched Youtube poops. On a Discord call together, they wanted to stream until the very end. So this is where I stayed, tuning in and out of chat, laughing along at the long-forgotten sitcom. I got cozy, and waited.

At around 10:40am PST, Gambiy23 received a copyright strike from Mixer and was banned, ceasing the King of Queens stream. I guess even at the End of all things, there are still rules.

[First Screenshot] Knowing that the end was near, DB05 began playing a cutscene of the moon falling to the earth from Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask. The building music made my heart pound. At 10:54am PST, Mixer pushed notifications reading “So long, and thanks for all the fish :)”, a quote mentioned before the planet Earth is demolished in order to make way for the hyperspace bypass, featured in the book series Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy written by Douglas Adams. When I hear this quote, I think of it as a goodbye to the universe itself; an acknowledgement of the many wonders one has experienced in their life; one last expression of gratuity for the world they inhabited and the gifts they received from it. It was fitting. Mixer, unafraid, gazed into the void and shouted a final “thank you”. At the same time as the push notifications, MixerBots spammed chats with emojis of goldfish, prompting users to do the same. We sent to chats our final “i love you’s”, “thank you’s”, sent emojis and encouragements, “goodbye’s” and “goodnight’s”. DigiDuncan scrolled through the front page of Mixer, and we watched the streams start to blink out, leaving a blue Mixer “X” logo in their place. The confetti showers returned. The site began to lag. Finally, the clock struck 11:00am PST.

And the moon fell.

For a few seconds, the streamers laughed. “Is that it?”, “Is it over?” DB05’s moon had fallen, and the cutscene continued to play. A brilliant flash of white, and Link awakens in the past. The streamers look on, “We’re still he-” Silence cut them off.

The voices of 10 million users, silenced in an instant.

I think we expect the End to be deafening, chaotic, and frightening. Like an Action/disaster movie, filled with explosions and screams and panic. But instead the End was peaceful. Quiet. Almost comforting. It was like sitting atop a hill in the morning before the birds start to sing, watching the sun rise over the horizon. Alone, yet serene.

[Second Screenshot/Third Screenshot] Almost immediately, I realized I could still click around the site. The confetti continued to fall. At 11:12am PST, I returned to the userpage of my friend. All the streams had ended, but the content was still there. User’s “About Me” pages were still active, along with all of their clips, previously recorded streams, and other things like “Stream rules”. I was able to watch the tail end of Magiccake62’s stream from the previous night. I scrolled through Mixer’s homepage, clicking on names to read their bios and watch the stored video clips. It felt like wandering through a neighborhood evacuated before a storm; no time to bring your possessions with you. Houses left unlocked, devoid of life and frozen in time.

[Fourth Screenshot] by 11:13am PST Chats still remained active as long as you did not navigate away from the page. I continued to talk with some of the users that had been watching the stream. Just a few remaining voices, alone in this huge, empty city.

[Fifth screenshot/Sixth Screenshot] As I continued to look through the abandoned homes, I caught the tail end of DMacAttack12’s pre-recorded finale stream from the previous night. He was playing indie game Celeste: Farewell. The main character, upon reaching the top of the mountain, experiences a dream where she sees a long dead friend. She apologizes to the friend for not attending the funeral, and the friend laughs. “The Funeral wasn’t for me. It was for all of you, stuck living on without me,” she chortled. The main character awakens from her dream, and takes the time to reconnect with her friends in the present. Perhaps Mixer’s last day was always meant to be that; not a goodbye, but a way to reconnect with each other.

[Seventh Screenshot] At 11:30am PST, the majority of the streams’ “offline” screencaps had vanished. Chats continued to function, but you could not join new ones. Trying to visit a new stream would result in the chat section loading forever. The voices were dwindling. As far as I could tell, it was just myself and DigiDuncan. We talked about the future and exchanged Twitch handles, and thanked each other for being here - at least we could watch this noiseless sunrise together. We wondered if we were truly alone, if anyone could hear us. We wondered how long this would last. How long did the two of us have, in the End?

[Eighth Screenshot] At 11:38am PST, chat function disconnected. I could no longer send messages to my new friend. Error messages began popping up in place of streams. DigiDuncan told me they were using chat via OBS, a client that helps you set up and organize your stream (I was just using in browser), so their world was completely different from the one that I was experiencing. I worried about DigiDuncan. I was forced out, and I don’t know if they were left to experience the End alone.

[Ninth Screenshot] At 12:10pm PST, All mixer URLs began returning this error message. The End was no longer a void, but a brilliant blinding white light. But as quickly as it came, it vanished.

[Tenth Screenshot] I returned to the Mixer homepage at 12:11pm PST to find it completely empty, but still stylized with the Mixer logo and signature blue backgrounds. The booming voice of the error message notifies me that something has gone wrong as the homes filled with memories I had been visiting vanish around me, leaving endless winding pavement streets and empty grass lots in their wake. What was once a bustling community was now nothing at all. Any presence of the people who once lived here, their culture, their love and their stories, had simply evaporated into the sunrise. With no other words or pictures to advertise streams, everything is quiet. It is peaceful. It is the End.

[Eleventh Screenshot] By 12:16pm PST, all Mixer URLs displayed a graphic of a blue robot with hearts for eyes. This continues to be the case at the time of posting. With no users and no staff, Mixer itself is Alone, yet serene. In this graphic, at the End of all things, Mixer sighs a final “thank you” to the diaspora.

Goodnight Mixer. So long and thanks for all the fun :)

#mixer #twitch

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ofieugogyshz · 5 years ago

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This is kind of a long post, and it's probably not necessary. But I like to believe in messages that some of my dreams bring me, and I hope it doesn't hurt to respond to this one. The point probably goes without saying, as I'd like to believe that it would have come up and been addressed by now, but...

I had a dream that someone was starting to have issues with my posts, explaining that I was exhibiting signs of some things that were apparently bad, and that I might want to be careful of that in the future.

I don't remember much of the specific words they used anymore. They were words/things I had never heard of before, though the last one was like, femme-something? I know it was a url/icon from someone who followed me here, i still remember what the icon looked like, and a vague sense of the url, and that they posted on an unsigned anon first before rbing to explain, based off how I had responded to it

Which was, mostly, confusion and asking them to explain, bc I had never heard of the things they were warning me of, and I got as far as their first answer before I woke up. I really did want to get thru the entire post of explanation, but the first one was long. It was a list of examples*, including screenshots of the posts, but what I synthesized from it (or figured on how to solve it) was that I was @'ing them too much? For things not related to their f/o or personal interest. (I have yet to actually tag this person irl for anything, I think, based off icon/url, so I was very confused in-dream and still irl, but I'm making this post just in case someone is getting concerned with my posting style**) and i gleaned that it was possibly giving them anxiety to be included in posts that I was @'ing them in, which were like, posts where I talked about/answered questions or things people and I did, and used them and others as examples by @ . that they didn't like the attention it brought to them.

(*actually i do remember one example: them using my response to their anon on my friend's blog, of which i was defensive towards bc my friend had mixed feelings on that anon (which was asked in genuine good intention, it turned out!), but regardless.

**Another ex included (excessive?) use of gifs and "how it doesn't make doing these things okay!" Which.... Confusion still??)

So I ask, kindly, genuinely, if anyone is having issue with me and how I may be responding to you or including you in something, to please come talk to me off-anon, preferably thru messenger so we don't have to make it a debacle. (Or you can do the unfollow/block thing if you want to avoid confrontation altogether, if that's something you've been thinking about.) From my understanding, there's enough public issues in the community, and I would rather not cause more than needs to be. This invite for conversation goes for all time, not just right now.

Alternatively, this dream came after I took my antidepressant, which somehow, ironically, always manages to give me terrible dreams if I fall asleep right after taking it. It's kind of hilarious, in that dry, almost-morbid, ironic humor sort of way.

But I genuinely do mean to talk to me if you don't like how I'm @'ing or referring or talking to you. I'll make a note to stop, and adjust it however you prefer, if at all.

If you've read this all the way through, thank you and I hope you and your f/os have a wonderful day.

#-#-z #---#----#i'd rather you not rb and either keep it to comments or IM if you feel like you need to address if #i wish tumblr mobile would recognize oldschool readmore command bc it sure doesnt pop up #as an option on the text/post editor #anyhow #have a gr8 day !

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searchingwardrobes · 6 years ago

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Your Love is a Song

Happy Birthday, @let-it-raines ! For anyone who doesn’t know, Raines is an amazing writer and an all around sweet person. I was honored to have her as my Captain Swan Secret Santa, not only because she gifted me with an absolutely perfect fic but also because chatting with her was a blast. I am so blessed to have come to know her as a friend. I hope you have a fantastic day, Raines!

I got a prompt on Ao3 from a reader with the user name Adidas. Sweetie, wherever you are, I hope you read this because I don’t know your tumblr url or even if you have one. Anyway, the prompt was that Emma used to be into music but stopped. Then she meets musician Killian, and her family notices she’s started playing again. I wasn’t sure I could do the prompt justice since I am only a lover of music and not a musician myself, but then I was listening to the Switchfoot song “Your Love is a Song,” and this came to me. I was also working on Raines present, and it just all seemed to come together!

Summary: Emma Swan is having a pretty horrible night when she hears the voice: gravelly, sultry, with a touch of melancholy, accompanied by an acoustic guitar. She’s never heard the song before, but after that night, she won’t be able to get it out of her head. Or the dark haired, blue eyed man singing it.

Rated M, but only for brief mentions of nudity. It’s really light M with no smut, but I wanted to ere on the side of caution.

Words: 4,500 or so

Also on Ao3 and part of my Fandom Birthday Playlist

Tagging the usuals: @snowbellewells @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @kday426 @winterbaby89 @teamhook @bethacaciakay @thislassishooked @tiganasummertree @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @jennjenn615 @optomisticgirl @wellhellotragic @welllpthisishappening @branlovestowrite @shireness-says @distant-rose

Emma is bone weary, her dress is too tight, and she broke a heel chasing her latest skip. She’s walking barefoot through downtown Boston, which can’t be good. She had to run three blocks to catch the guy who – oh yeah – spilled wine all over her only nice dress. They were only a block from the nearest precinct, so she’d cuffed him and hauled him in on foot. Only now she’s trudging four blocks barefoot to get back to her Bug.

She’s leaning against the nearest storefront to massage her aching feet (they weren’t particularly happy with the stilettos in the first place) when she hears it. A voice; gravelly, sultry, with a touch of melancholy, accompanied by an acoustic guitar.

The dawn is fire bright against the city lights. The clouds are glowing now. The moon is blacking out.

The lyrics catch her attention too: poetic and speaking of a hope that’s belied by the tortured voice of the singer. He’s good too, whoever he is, with a voice that is powerful and melodic. Like a sailor drawn by a siren, Emma follows the music into the small, smoky bar. It’s one of those places below street level, the type of dive bar that locals swear by and tourists don’t know about. The source of the music is there, alone, in the corner of the bar. The place is too small and unpretentious for a stage, the crowd thin even for one in the morning on a weeknight. With her small clutch in one hand, and her broken heels in the other, she slides on to a stool at the bar, eyes glued to the dark-haired man singing in the corner.

When the bartender approaches, she asks for a beer and stays only long enough to finish it and hear one more song. She worries it’s the type of place where the bartender tries at being a part time therapist, but he leaves her alone. He can probably sense she’s not having the best night: her attire and the smell of wine saturating her dress screams bad date. Of course, who has good dates on a Wednesday night?

On second thought, maybe the bartender thinks she’s a hooker in her honey-trap dress. Oh well, like she ever cares what people think. (And it shows just how much of an idiot her skip was that he didn’t stop and think why a woman would be willing to hook up on a week night.)

She finishes her beer, pays the bartender, then rises to leave. The last notes of Pearl Jam’s “Better Man” linger behind her as she leaves, yet it’s the song that drew her into the bar in the first place that keeps haunting her mind. Even after a warm bath and her soft bed. For some reason, it fills up her apartment with a lonely cry.

********************************************************

Emma’s not entirely thrilled when Graham calls her the next day with some bull shit about paper work for the night before. She’s pretty sure it’s a thinly veiled excuse to ask her out. Again.

It is.

Prickly as she is, Emma still doesn’t take pleasure in turning the man down yet again. He’s nice and all, but . . . well, that just might be the problem. At any rate, she’s dragged herself out of bed for no purpose but to stomp on a nice man’s heart.

So maybe that’s why she stops in front of the bar. Maybe. She knows it probably won’t be open yet, and it isn’t, but she can at least scan the posters of musical acts littering the door. She startles when the door swings open.

“May I help you? We don’t open until after lunch . . . “

It’s the bartender from last night, and he’s narrowing his blue eyes at her with suspicion. She wonders if he recognizes her.

“Of course,” she says with a wave of her hand, “I was just looking for a musician on your posters. I stopped in for a beer last night, and he was really good -”

“Oh, . . that’s just my brother,” the man tells her. “Killian fills in on weeknights. We’re just a local dive, you know, and we can’t afford to pay for acts every blessed night.”

She realizes then he has a British accent, and she assumes his brother does too. Funny how you can rarely tell a person has an accent when they’re singing. Country music notwithstanding.

At least the bartender’s smiling at her now. “I remember you. Red dress, right?”

“Yeah,” Emma chuckles, tugging at the ends of her hair, “it had been a long night.”

He nods, humming in solidarity. “We all have those from time to time. It’s what bars are for, am I right?”

“One reason I guess,” Emma says with a shrug of one shoulder.

“Well, come again,” he says, easing back into the doorway, “on another week night if you like my brother.”

She opens her mouth to clarify that last statement, but the door is already closed.

*******************************************************

Emma tries to stay away from the bar, she really does. Especially because of the way the bartender could have meant the whole “if you like my brother” comment. If he actually mentioned her to said brother, it would be all kinds of humiliating.

Yet here she is, nursing a beer at one in the morning again. The brother – Killian – is indeed once again strumming his guitar in the corner, playing “Pictures of You” by The Cure. She tries not to stare, but the intense way he closes his eyes as his lips practically caress the microphone is too mesmerizing. She practically jumps when his brother addresses her.

“Another beer?”

“Oh,” Emma mutters, flustered as she gazes down into her empty mug, “uh, yeah.”

He regards her with almost amusement as he takes it, a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth as he fills it at the tap.

“I didn’t mention you, if that’s what’s worrying you,” he tells her.

Her eyes widen and she feels warmth creep up her neck. “Um . . . thanks.”

He’s chuckling and shaking his head as he walks away, and Emma begins to wish she’d never come. Until Killian transitions to another song – the song.

I hear you breathing in. Another day begins. The stars are falling out. My dreams are fading now, fading out.

It’s all she can do not to close her eyes as the words wash over her. Though she does find herself humming as she finishes her beer and the song winds to a close. Killian says into the mic that he’s taking a break, and that jolts Emma out of her reverie.

She’s out the door before his guitar is back in its case.

When she gets home, she strides to her bed, not a trace of hesitation within her. She gets down on her knees and reaches underneath to pull out the hard case, running her hand longingly across it before flipping open the latches. She lifts the lid and exhales long and slow, just gazing at the acoustic Epiphone nestled in red velour. She takes it out almost reverently, settles on to the floor, and situates it on her knees.

The first strum is like a flame flickering back to life.

********************************************************

Emma comes to a complete stop in the middle of the bar the next night, frozen in place amidst the Friday night crowd. Friday night – shit, she’s an idiot! His brother said he only played on weeknights, and everyone knows Friday night kicks off the weekend. So of course, Killian is behind the bar, smiling at a flirty brunette, and over in the corner are a pair of women with guitars doing their best Indigo Girls impression. Emma thinks of turning and fleeing, but before she can, Killian turns in her direction, and his eyes meet hers. If she were the type, she would swear it was one of those moments in rom-coms when everything else in the room gets fuzzy and time slows down.

But she isn’t. The type, that is.

Leaving would be too obvious, though, so she gives him a nervous smile and approaches the bar. Up close, he’s even more handsome, and she can now see that his eyes are blue. Extremely blue. His brother’s were blue, so she should have figured, but Killian’s eyes. Damn. They make his brother’s seem colorless by comparison.

“So we finally meet,” he says, extending a hand. “Killian Jones.”

“Emma Swan,” she tells him as she takes his hand. And maybe there’s a spark, but again, she’s not that type. “Your brother told me he didn’t say anything.”

Killian cocks his head. “Liam?”

“So that’s his name.”

“Aye, but – why would he say anything?”

Emma’s face is on fire, and maybe leaving wouldn’t have been so bad. “You know – about me showing up Thursday morning looking for your music flyer.” She gestures in a ridiculous way towards the door.

“You did?” His broad grin makes her feel slightly less idiotic.

“I did,” she admits, “but you didn’t have to know that embarrassing detail, did you?”

He leans on the bar and chuckles. “I noticed you Wednesday night.”

“You did?”

“Why do you think I played Better Man?”

“Um, I don’t follow.”

“You came in with your heels in your hand, a wine stain on your dress, and a scowl on your face. Anyone who would leave you in such a state is clearly a jerk or an idiot or both. So . . . Better Man.”

He stands then, crossing his arms over his chest, and Emma notices how toned they are. She’d noticed as he strummed his guitar, but up close it looks even better. His head is cocked, one eyebrow raised, and a smirk tilts his lips. The cocky bastard.

“Let me guess,” Emma deadpans, leaning across the bar. His gaze flits to her cleavage, and she flashes a smirk of her own, “you’re that better man?”

“I could be,” he quips, his tongue swiping at his lower lip.

She rolls her eyes. “Well, I hate to devastate your ego, but you’re not the reason I keep coming back.”

Now he waggles those eyebrows, and she can’t help the brief chuckle that escapes her lips. “Oh no?”

“No. It was the song.”

He leans close again. “Which one, love?”

“Not your love. And it was the one you were playing Wednesday night when I first came in.”

“Aww, I see. And what’s it worth to you?”

She props her chin in her hand. “You do know there’s this thing called Google.”

“Yet here you are.”

She presses her lips together in a thin line. “You didn’t seem so full of it when you were playing your guitar.”

He laughs then, completely self-depracating, and she hates how it makes her heart flip. Then he tilts his head at her and pouts like a five-year-old, and that makes a traitorous smile fill up her face.

“Just that you’ll come back next time I play, Swan, that’s all I’m asking.”

She rolls her eyes again. “Fine, done. Now – the song.”

“It’s a Switchfoot song,” he says softly, all trace of flirting gone as he leans against the bar again, “one of my favorites. It’s called Your Love is a Song.”

Her breath hitches involuntarily at the intensity in his eyes. Someone yells for the bartender, and Killian yells back for them to wait a damn minute.

“You better go,” she tells him in a breathy whisper. She’s really piling up the rom com cliches tonight.

He sighs, but goes to serve the customer. The second his back is turned, she’s gone without evening ordering a drink.

When she gets home, she pulls out her guitar, this time settling cross legged on her bed. She finds the song online, with the chords, and starts to pick out the tune. She stays up most of the night before she gets it, her skills a bit rusty.

I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open. I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open.

*******************************************************

She waits until Monday night to return to the bar, and Killian is once again in the corner with his guitar. His eyes find her as she walks in the door, and he winks even as he continues to croon Free’s “All Right Now.” Instead of sitting at the bar, she takes a booth in his line of sight, and orders a beer once again from a red headed waitress. She could say she isn’t giving him sex eyes over the rim of her mug, but she’d be lying.

“This one’s for the blonde in the corner.”

And it’s her song. Your love is a symphony. All around me, running through me. She can’t help singing along under her breath, and when it ends, he stands.

“Sorry folks, but it’ll have to be the jukebox for the rest of the night.”

She can’t help the beaming smile that fills her face at his words, and her heart beats triple time when he puts away his guitar and saunters over.

“May I?”

“You may,” she says with a flip of her hair over her shoulder, and God, could she be any more cliché?

“How are you tonight, Emma?”

She shrugs coyly. “I’m better now.”

“Now that you’ve heard your song?”

She nods as she takes a sip of her beer. “I learned it last night. Took me hours, but I did it.”

His eyebrows raise in admiration. “You play?”

“It’s been awhile,” she says, “but yes.”

“I would be in a dark place if not for my music.”

She looks into his eyes, so sincere and intense. It’s as if he’s opened a door, inviting her in, fully

knowing she might not take it.

“When I was sixteen,” she begins slowly, running her finger through the condensation on her mug, “my foster mother bought an Epiphone for me from a pawn shop for Christmas. No one had ever done that for me before.”

“Bought you a present?”

Emma nods, the understanding in his voice giving her courage. “Not only that, but actually asking what I wanted for Christmas to begin with and then actually listening. She even payed for lessons.”

“I started playing around the same time,” Killian says, leaning back in the booth, “it helps during lonely adolescence, doesn’t it?”

Emma smiles and shrugs. “Cheesy I guess, but yes.”

He laughs lightly, and Emma finds that she loves the sound.

“Anyways, Ruth, that was her name, she encouraged me in my music. She and my foster brother David came any time I did talent shows and stuff. Then, when I put together a horrible garage band, they came to all our gigs.”

“So why did you stop?”

“Someone told me it was dumb, and I listened,” Emma lifts one shoulder to brush it off, though Neal’s biting words still echo in her mind. “He was right in a way. I wasn’t good enough to make a career out of it. And I’m good at what I do now . . . I like it -”

“Emma,” Killian cuts her off gently, placing a hand over hers, “just because art isn’t your career doesn’t mean its dumb or that it can’t be part of your life. If playing brings you joy, then play. Don’t let anyone stop you.”

His words are like a warm bath on an icy cold day. Ruth and David, even Mary Margaret and Ruby, have told her the same time and again. But for some reason, coming from Killian, a man with such talent in his voice and in his hands, it means so much more.

They continue to talk over drinks, the time going by much faster than Emma can believe. Before they know it, it’s closing time. Liam is berating Kilian for flirting instead of playing, but the smile on his face tempers his words.

Killian walks her to her car, and when he kisses her, she practically melts against the side of the Bug. Her hands tremble with want as she slides them up his chest, past his shoulders, finding stability when she digs her fingers into his hair. The melody of her song plays in her ears.

“Will you go to dinner with me,” he whispers against her lips.

She can barely collect herself enough to speak, but she does say yes. The next two weeks go by in a haze of bliss, with both lunch and dinner dates, and many hours at his and Liam’s bar. And any time she isn’t with him or working, she’s finding solace with her guitar.

************************************************

Emma is leaning against the sofa in her living room, her guitar once again on her lap, her tablet propped up on the coffee table as she strums through the chords of a new song she’s learning. It’s another one Killian had played at the bar. The verses are giving her trouble, but once she gets to the chorus, she belts it out, her eyes closed. When she gets to the next verse, she opens them to glance at the chords and screams when she sees a figure looming out of the corner of her eye.

“Shit, David,” she gasps, pressing a hand to her heart, “you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Well, you weren’t answering your door,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest in that pose of brotherly intimidation.

“And you couldn’t hear me playing?” she grumbles, putting her guitar back in its case and rising to her feet. “I gave you that key for emergencies only.”

David gives her a side hug and a kiss to her temple. “Well, you not answering the door classifies as an emergency.” Then he grins broadly, setting his hands at her shoulders. “But you’re playing again, that’s great! What changed?”

She bites her lip as she feels a traitorous blush rise to her cheeks. “I just . . . felt like it was time.”

He narrows his eyes at her. “Mhm, right Emma. And what else?”

“You know,” Emma says, stepping around him, “MM and Ruby are waiting for us at the restaurant.”

*****************************************************

“Emma’s playing again.”

The table falls silent as her friends turn to her with joyful expressions.

“That’s great!” Mary Margaret exclaims.

“But she won’t tell me what inspired her,” David adds, “and I know something’s up with her.”

“Why would you think that?”

“You haven’t been around much lately.”

“He’s got a point,” Ruby says, then her eyes widen and she gasps. “You met someone, didn’t you?”

“I . . . um . . . why would you think that?”

Ruby points at her, “Aha, see! You’re stumbling over your words, and your face is bright red.”

“Okay, so I did, but it’s not a big deal.”

“Oh Emma,” Mary Margaret breaths, “that’s wonderful!”

“Now slow down, MM, it’s only been a few dates.”

“How’s the sex?” Ruby asks, and David groans.

“There’s only been kissing,” Emma clarifies, shooting daggers at her blunt friend.

“What’s his name? How did you meet?” Mary Margaret is much too giddy, her chin resting on her fisted hands eagerly.

Emma sighs and tells them the whole story, starting with hearing him singing in the bar and not being able to get the song out of her head. Ruby and Mary Margaret are practically swooning while David is scowling.

“I need to meet this guy.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “Don’t go all overprotective on me, David.”

“Well, I’m your brother, it’s part of the job description. “

“What was it?” Mary Margaret asks, ignoring her husband.

“What was what?”

She rolls her eyes. “The song. What was it?”

“It’s by Switchfoot. Your Love is a Song.”

Mary Margaret lets out a little gasp and presses her fingers to her lips as tears well up in her eyes. “Oh, that’s so beautiful! It’s fate!”

Emma eyes her warily as she hands her a tissue. “Slow down, MM, this isn’t a rom com.”

She waves her hand in front of her face as she dabs at her nose with the tissue. “I’m sorry. Pregnancy hormones.”

And suddenly the table erupts in another round of emotions with Emma and Ruby trying to hug Mary Margaret at the same time. Thankfully, the attention is off Emma. For now.

********************************************************

There’s a knock at Emma’s door the next night, and she’s surprised to see Killian standing there with grocery sacks in his arms. She tilts her head in confusion.

“I thought I was meeting you at the bar.”

“Aye, that was the plan,” he looks at her hesitantly, “until your brother showed up a little while ago to give me the third degree. You never mentioned he was a detective with the Boston PD. A mite intimidating.”

Emma groans. “Oh my God, I am so sorry! He gets a little . . . overprotective.”

Killian chuckles. “I can relate. Liam tends to be the same. At any rate, David parked himself in a corner booth and informed me he would be staying there to keep an eye on you. All night.”

Emma liftes her hands to her temple and massages her brow. “For the love of God, David!”

“So, I thought we could either hang out with both our big brothers watching, or I could come over and cook you dinner. In privacy.”

A flirtatious grin fills Emma’s face. “Now that sounds like a plan.”

With an eager smile of his own, Killian comes in and heads for her kitchen. She closes the door and sags against it, watching him unload the ingredients he brought over. It’s so domestic, and feels so right, and suddenly words to the song – their song runs through her head.

With my eyes wide open, I’ve got my eyes wide open, I’ve been keeping my hopes unbroken.

That’s the feeling sweeping through her – hope.

*****************************************************

As Emma stumbles backwards into her room and almost trips on a pair of shoes in the middle of the floor, she vaguely thinks that maybe she should have straightened up in here while Killian was cooking. But he doesn’t seem to care about her mess as he kicks the shoes out of their way and maneuvers her to the bed. Emma giggles against his lips as she falls backwards. He catches himself before he can fall on top of her, his hands braced on either side of her. He’s grinning wider than she’s ever seen, almost goofily, his hair a riotous mess. And in that moment, she knows.

She grasps his biceps lightly, caressing the muscle with her thumbs. “I love you,” she says, amazed that it doesn’t terrify her.

He waggles his eyebrows. “I know.”

She groans and rolls her eyes, more giggles falling from her lips. He swallows them with more kisses.

“That was so cheesy, Killian.”

“Was it?” he mumbles as he kisses a path down her neck. She digs her fingers into his hair and tugs so she can look into his eyes. They’re dark blue with desire. He nuzzles his nose with hers and speaks against her lips. “I have loved you since the moment you walked into the bar.”

“There’s no such thing as love at first sight, Killian.”

“Well I hate to tell you love, but that’s how it happened.”

She laughs again as she tightens her arms around his neck.

*****************************************************

“You still haven’t played for me,” Killian mumbles against the bare skin of her back, trailing kisses as he speaks. They are both sated and content, Emma wrapped up in his arms, her back to his chest.

“I can’t,” she protests, distracted when he lifts her hair to kiss the nape of her neck, delicious tingles running down her spine.

“Why not?”

She turns in his arms and buries her face in his chest. “Because you’re too good, and I’m . . . not.”

He kisses the top of her head, then lifts her chin gently. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

He kisses her once more on the forehead, then rises from the bed as if it’s decided. He goes to the corner where her guitar is propped up, then brings it back, holding it out like an offering. She sits up in bed, the sheets pooling at her waist.

“Do you think the offer is more appealing because you’re stark naked right now?”

He gins salaciously. “Perhaps.”

She shakes her head, messy curls falling across her forehead, but she reaches out for the guitar nonetheless. “Should I put some clothes on?” she wonders before she settles the guitar in her lap.

“Please no,” Killian pouts, “a beautiful woman playing the guitar in the nude has always been a fantasy of mine.”

Emma laughs, shaking the hair out of her face. “Okay, that’s rather specific.”

“Humor me, Swan.”

She winks at him, and his answering smile calms the butterflies in her stomach. Still, she closes her eyes and breaths in through her nose, her nerves still on edge. Her eyes fly open.

“What should I play?”

“Our song, of course,” he tells her softly.

“Right.”

A peace steals over her as she strums the first few chords. She closes her eyes as she begins to sing: I hear you breathing in. Another day begins. The stars are falling out. My dreams are fading now, fading out. I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open. I’ve been keeping my eyes wide open.

When she begins the chorus, Killian joins her, and the harmony of their voices together is more breathtaking than she ever could have imagined.

Your love is a symphony. All around me. Running through me. Your love is a melody. Underneath me. Running to me. Your love is a song.

Killian goes quiet again as she sings the second verse, but now she’s singing out strong, with power. His belief in her, his support of her, giving her voice strength.

The dawn is fire bright against the city lights. The clouds are glowing now. The moon is blacking out. I’ve been keeping my mind wide open. I’ve been keeping my mind wide open. Your love is a song.

By this time, tears are streaming down her cheeks, and she isn’t sure why. Killian gently takes the guitar out of her hands, and sets it carefully on the floor by the bed. Then he takes her in his arms, lowering her to the bed, and kisses all of her tears away. He cups her face tenderly as her eyes flutter open, her tears spent.

“I love you, Emma Swan. And you’re bloody brilliant, amazing.”

A year later, they sing the song – their song – at their wedding in exchange of vows. It may not be traditional, but in the lyrics is the very story of their love.

Your love is as symphony.

Your love is a melody.

Your love is a song.

#cs ff #captain swan #cs modern au #musician Killian #brothers jones #brothers jones own a bar #fandom birthday playlist #for raines #on her birthday #your love is a song

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