#in bout for beside you we got to see more of an's abandonment issues

[helliontherapscallion]

Lost Time (The Ashes of Yourself Part 2)

Part 1     Part 3    Part 4

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: mentions of suicide attempts/ideation, swearing, daddy/abandonment issues

Word count: 3,879

You and Techno stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, both of you not knowing what to say to each other. So much was left unsaid between you two throughout your childhoods and the past four years that you didn’t know where to even start. You supposed a simple ‘how are you?’ would suffice, but that’d be too simple, far too simple for not talking to each other in literal years. But you couldn’t just say ‘hey, I’m incredibly jealous that you are Dad’s favorite and I totally didn’t send you my suicide note that you may or may not have seen’, that’d be way too much trauma dumping for your taste. You couldn’t think of anything else to say, so you chose to sheepishly grin at him and awkwardly wave. 

“Heh uh, how’re you…?” Smooth, (y/n). Real smooth.

You watched as he furrowed his brows slightly before he hesitantly gave you a small wave with his gargantuan pink hand. “...I’m doin alright. You?”

“I’ve seen better days.”

“Right…”

An awkward silence fell over you two as you glanced down at your bloodied hands. “Sorry bout the blood. It won’t really stop until I stop moving.”

He shrugged, “that’s fine. I’ve bled everywhere in this house. Nothing that won’t come out.”

“Alright then.”

You wanted to crawl into a pit and just let yourself die, you hated this awkward atmosphere you created. Your mind scrambled to find something to say to the man other than a stupid ‘alright then’. You haven’t even seen him in four years, surely you would be able to find something to talk about. You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard him clear his throat.

“I uh got some clothes for you. They’re Tommy’s old clothes from when he stayed with me during his exile. I don’t know if they’ll fit, but I’m guessing that they’re better than the wet ones you’re wearing.”

When he saw you wince when you tried to stand up, he rushed to your side and helped you stand up. You could feel the backs of your knees start to drip blood. “Do you have any spare lava?”

His hands paused on your upper arms, “yes, but why would you need it?”

“It kinda heals me. I mean, just enough that my skin stops cracking open and bleeding everywhere.”

“Why don’t we just take you to a lava lake in the Nether?”

You glanced out the window at the flurry of snowflakes falling to the ground and being whisked off to other places by the harsh wind. You shuttered, remembering what it felt like to be fully engulfed in water. “Water hurts. I don’t want to get burnt out again.”

“Right, I’ll go get a few buckets full. Stay here,” with that, he ushered you to sit in front of the fire once again and draped the large blanket over your shoulders again. You could hear him move to another room and rustle around what you presumed was a chest before you heard his heavy footsteps walking behind the couch. You could hear the billowing of the wind when he opened the door before it was cut off by the door closing. 

You leaned forward and put your hands in the fire, relishing in the feeling of the flames melting away the charred skin slightly. The flames licked and caressed your dark skin slowly giving you more feeling back in the damaged tissue. As you were turning your hands over the flames, you thought about your voluntary near death experience just about an hour before. 

The thought of the ocean finally taking you and dragging your charcoaled corpse into its depths never to be seen again was alluring. After feeling the intense pain and the suffocation that came with chucking yourself into the ocean when you’re part blaze was definitely a deterrent, but you just had to push through the pain. This was something you’d dreamt of doing since you were fifteen and you’d be damned if you were going to let pain stop you. 

You know you felt sort of… grateful that Philza saved you when you were laying on that beach, but now that you had time to reflect on what happened, you felt resentful that he did. Of course he’d take away the only good thing you had going on in your life, he was full of audacity and impudence when you were a kid. He hasn’t changed at all much to your disappointment. You shouldn’t have expected him to change in the first place, that was just something that you knew in the back of your mind would never happen. A large part of you craved his approval and affection, but you knew that wouldn’t happen. 

Your thoughts were cut off by someone pulling you back gently from the fire. “I got the lava. Uh, I can set up an area for you downstairs with netherrack.”

“No, you don’t have to, I just have to put it on my joints for a few minutes.”

“Don’t you want to, uh, fully cover yourself?”

“I can hold off until the snowstorm dies down. It’s nothing too major.” You dipped your hands into the large bucket of lava and sighed in relief, “that’s much better, thank you Technoblade.”

“It’s no problem, but you literally just almost died. How is that something that’s ‘not major’?”

“I’m used to… well, this,” you took a hand out of the lava and gestured to your stone covered arm. “It’s just more than I’m used to. Kinda uncomfortable, but I’ll live.”

“What do you mean you’re used to it? You don’t live by water do you?”

“Yeah, I live by the ocean so I’m bound to get a little charred. No big deal,” you took your hands out of the bucket, shook the excess lava off, and stuck your elbows in. You looked at your now dully glowing hand and wiggled your fingers. There were more blackened scars etched into your skin on your joints, but you didn’t care.

“Heh? Why the hell would you live by an ocean?” 

You wove your hands nonchalantly in the air, “I always liked how the water looked when the sun set. The way that the pinks and yellows would reflect and bounce off the waves? Breathtaking.” You also lived by the ocean so that you had an easy way out of living, but you weren’t about to tell him that. Too much trauma dumping.

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“Have you ever seen the sun setting over the ocean?” You rose a brow at the piglin hybrid sitting on the couch. 

“Well, no but-”

“Then you can’t knock it till you try it. I’ll take you to my old place after I can take a proper lava bath. You won’t regret it, promise.”

“Still, you’re literally made of fire. Look what happened to you… Er, speaking of, how’d this happen?” He looked you up and down inquisitively with his red eyes. 

You sighed as you took your elbows out of the lava and dipped your feet into the buckets. “...Do you still have your communicator?”

You watched as his floppy ear flicked and his eyebrow rose at you, “...Yes, but I only talk to Dad. Why, did you leave me a message?” Before he could stand up to grab his communicator, you stopped him with a hand on his shin. “No, I didn’t. I was just wondering.”

He didn’t look convinced, “...tell me what happened. Were you pushed?”

Your shoulders tensed up against your will before you forced them to relax. “I fell in, got too close to the edge.”

“You’re so lucky Dad was already at your house, you could’ve died. How could you be so careless?” 

You only responded with a blaze-like frustrated grunt that rumbled in the back of your throat and removed your feet from the buckets. Picking up one of the buckets, you took a swig of the lava. The viscous liquid crawled slowly down your throat and soothed your burned esophagus and stomach. Clearing your throat, you looked over to your estranged brother. He was looking at you with disgust, his snout scrunched up slightly and his mouth twisted into a grimace.

“What?” Your voice sounded less strained and scratchy. Overall, it felt better to speak.

“Your- your feet were just in there. That’s disgusting.”

You blew out a puff of smoke and watched as it drifted to the ceiling, “my feet were just in water, remember? They’re clean. And besides, I swallowed and inhaled a lot of water so I needed it. I mean, my lungs are still stone, but there’s nothing I can do about it except wait it out.”

“That’s still gross. Wait, can you not drink water?”

“No- well technically I can, but it hurts. Gimme one sec.”

He was quiet as he watched you take a deep breath and dunk your entire head into the lava bucket you weren’t drinking from. His youngest sibling was… strange, but he found that he enjoyed your company so far. The only company he’s had at his cabin recently was his brothers and dad, which burned him out slightly with their big personalities. You were as awkward as he was and that was refreshing. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty after hearing the majority of yours and Philza’s argument. Now that he thought back on his childhood, the majority of his memories were of him and Philza. He didn’t have many negative memories past his adoption, and that was because he spent all of his time adventuring with Philza. He did everything with his adoptive father and absolutely nothing with his siblings. He knew nothing about Wilbur, well Ghostbur now, or Tommy until they stayed with him during Tommy’s exile. He’s never talked to you or spent any time with you before, and he wanted to get to know who you were. He wanted to make up for lost time.

After you were under for a while, he started to worry that you drowned yourself. Just as he was about to pull your head out of the bucket with a hand close to your forehead, you slowly removed your head from the lava and held it over the bucket so that the excess would drip off from you. Panting slightly, you sat up fully and wiped your eyes clean of the lava. You could hear some rustling in front of you so you opened your eyes to see your brother holding out clothes to you. 

“Go change, I’ll make dinner. There’s a spare room upstairs, second door on the left. You can stay there for now.”

You hesitated before you took the clothes from him, “I… Thank you Techno.” You weren’t expecting him to be so kind to you, he was known as the blood god after all. He was ruthless when he battled, leaving thousands without families. You saw him a couple of times when you were younger coming home with Philza covered in blood with a malicious expression on his face. That always made you try to avoid him; not that you had any difficulty doing that, he was never home. 

He curtly nodded before he turned to walk into where you assumed was the kitchen. You trudged up the stairs and tiredly drug your feet down the hallway towards the second door on the left. When you opened the door, you were pleasantly surprised. You didn’t know what you were expecting to see, but it certainly wasn’t this. It was simplistic, yet it looked like a professional decorated it.

The bed looked incredibly comfortable and soft with a large white comforter draped over the top. At both sides of the headboard, twin chests sat underneath double hung windows with wooden frames that matched the spruce planks that made up the walls. You were sure that once the relentless snowstorm stopped you would be able to see a spruce forest in the distance. Lanterns hung at the far corners of the room opposite of where the bed sat. Glancing at the opposite wall, you saw a framed portrait of a nether fortress. You assumed that it was the nether fortress on the other side of his portal. If you squinted, you could see orange specks that you assumed were blazes. 

After you got dressed, you were pleasantly surprised to see that Tommy’s clothes fit you. Despite the slight bagginess of the pants and the sleeves of the jumper hanging halfway past your hands, they fit relatively well. Humming in satisfaction, you hung up your wet clothes to dry and made your way downstairs following the savory smell of cooking meat and potatoes. Your mouth watered at the smell, it’s been a while since you’ve eaten an actual meal. You’d just been surviving on an apple a day with the occasional potato when you had some leftover from making homemade vodka. 

You walked into the kitchen and looked at your brother standing at the stove, the stove looked miniscule compared to his seven and a half foot tall form. That man was a giant and you wouldn’t be lying if his height alone didn’t intimidate you slightly. If he wanted, he could grab your entire face with his hand. Various light pink scars decorated his muscular arms that poked out from the rolled up sleeves of his blouse. He wasn’t wearing his huge fluffy cloak, instead it was draped over the back of one of the chairs at the large wooden dining table. Every part of your body wanted to take it, wrap yourself up into a blaze hybrid burrito, and take the best nap you’ve ever had. His corseted form moved gracefully around the kitchen grabbing various spices and herbs. 

You saw his ears twitch before he moved his massive head  to look back at you, you could see the corners of his mouth quirk up ever so slightly. “They fit you, that’s good. Take a seat, dinner's almost ready.” With that, you took a seat at the table. You felt like a child again, the table was huge, the tabletop coming up to your lower chest. The table and chairs were made of what looked like dark oak wood. The wood was carved intricately with complex patterns etched into the frame and the back of the chairs. 

You eyed the cape draped over the chair next to you. It was a deep royal red with black speckled white fur lining the border of the fabric. If you looked closely, you could see that the pendant that connected the two ends was made of gold and had a diamond encrusted center. It looked incredibly soft, it would be so easy to just reach out with a finger to pet it. Your brother wouldn’t notice if you did it quick enough so that you could touch it before he turned around. When you gathered the courage to touch the cloak, you reached out with a slightly shaking hand to pet the fur, watching Technoblade the entire time. 

Everytime he would move to grab a spice, you would quickly retract your hand and try to act as innocent as possible only to try again after he didn’t turn around again. Just as you finally touched the fabric, you were in awe with how soft it was. It was like petting a newborn puppy but better. You truly couldn’t put into words how soft it was. 

You were snapped out of your trance by a small chuckle, “soft isn’t it?” You jumped, quickly retracting your hand and smacking your head against the back of your chair in the process. You could feel your cheeks heat up more than they usually did, you could see the glow of orange intensify at the bottom of your vision. Your brother was staring at you with amusement, his mouth quirked up in a small smile. He was carrying two plates full of steak and potatoes, putting one in front of you before walking to sit opposite of you. 

“Uh, yeah. It- it’s really soft.” 

“I got it from a nation thousands of blocks from here, it wasn’t easy to get. Those guards were not happy to see me stealing from their king.” He chuckled before he started to eat his food. 

“Is that where you got the crown too?”

“No, Dad got it for me as a going away present when I moved out… You’ve grown up so much since I’ve last seen you. I remember when you barely reached my waist and now you’re only about a foot and a half shorter than me.” 

“You’ve gotten taller also, more scars too.”

“You as well. Are all those from water?” 

“Yeah, it only scars when I crack the stone on my skin though.”

“Ouch. So like you get scars whenever you move?”

You shrugged, “basically.” Turning to your plate, you struggled with not wolfing down the entire thing in one go. You didn’t want to have your brother get the impression you had bad table manners. Wilbur raised you better than that. When you took a bite of the stake, you moaned slightly at the taste. Quickly swallowing your mouthful, you looked at your brother with wide eyes. “Ender Tech, where’d you learn to cook? It’s delicious.”

He gave you a small bashful smile and shrugged, “when you’ve been living alone for this long you pick up on a few things.”

“I’ve been living alone for about a year now and I still can’t cook.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, “well what do you eat then?”

“Just an apple a day, maybe a potato too if I have any to spare.”

He narrowed his eyes, “how the hell are you still alive? That’s hardly enough.”

You blankly stared at your plate, “I’ve been asking myself that everyday, things aren’t… amazing living alone. Uh, let’s talk about happier things. I wanna get to know you.”

He stared at you for a while before he sighed, “fine, but we’re talking about this later. How do you wanna go about getting to know each other?”

“It’s gonna be hard cuz we have like seventeen years to catch up on, but I think we can do it. Let’s… let’s play the favorites game. We take turns naming a category and we both say what our favorite thing in that is. I’ll start, what’s your favorite type of mythology? Like Greek, Egyptian, Norse…”

His eyes lit up at the mention of mythology, “I like Greek mythology. I can talk for hours about it.”

“Nice! I personally like Norse mythology better, we have to exchange myths sometime.”

“My turn, what’s your favorite myth?”

You matched his excitement, “I really like the Ragnarok myth. The fact that the gods know of their impending doom and destruction and are actively working towards it is- is just really intriguing. What’s yours?”

You both abandoned your meals as your conversation diverged into telling each other various myths from your respective favorite mythologies. Your favorite ones he told you were the tales of Orpheus and Eurydice, Persephone and Hades, and Psyche and Eros. You were a sucker for romance even if the thought of you being in a relationship was something you were uncomfortable thinking about. Romance stories just made you happy to see people finding comfort and fulfillment in each other. You told him more about Ragnarok, the creation of Mjolnir, and the murder of Baldur. 

Before you two knew it, hours passed by. Your untouched dinners grew cold and the clock struck midnight startling both of you out of your story telling. You both looked at the grandfather clock then back at each other in shock, “we’ve been talking for four hours Tech.”

“Yeah, we did. It- it was nice talking about mythology. Usually people get bored when I talk about it.”

You rolled your eyes, “Ender, I know. Why don’t they find it as interesting as we do? It’s been a while since I’ve had someone to talk to, it’s nice.”

“We better go to bed, we can just eat a bigger breakfast tomorrow before we take you to the Nether and your house. You probably want to sleep in your own bed.”

You laughed nervously, “yeah about that… I don’t really have a bed anymore. Or an actual house for that matter.”

“The fuck happened?”

“I may have burnt it down accidentally.”

He was silent for a bit before he looked at you suspiciously. “Are you gonna burn my house down?” And there’s the thing you hated most when you told people of your lineage and abilities. They always believe that you’re a being of destruction and inferno. They always grow to not trust you around them or their possessions fearing you would burn them to a crisp. You cursed your biological parents daily for giving you these genes.

You shrunk in on yourself slightly, “no, I’d never do that to you. I’m in control as long as I keep my emotions in check. Can’t get too excited, scared, or happy. I just can’t do anything extreme and my temperature stays low.” 

He grunted, nodding in satisfaction. “We probably should get to sleep soon if we wanna get stuff done before the family reunion.”

“I forgot about that… Have you met the kid Phil’s gonna adopt?”

He drew in a long breath into his nose and huffed it out of his mouth. “Yeah, his name’s Ranboo. And he’s actually only about half a year younger than you are. I don’t know how to feel about him yet, but he seems like he has good intentions.”

You drug a hand through the flames idly flickering on your head, “is Phil seriously gonna adopt another kid? I don’t think it’s a good idea for him.”

“That’s what I thought, I don’t need any more orphans running around here. You, Tommy, and Wilbur are more than enough. We can talk more about this in the morning.”

With that, you picked up your plates and took them to the kitchen. Before you could turn on the water faucet, a hand on your shoulder stopped you. “I’ll get it. You can’t be around this stuff.”

“A little water won’t hurt me. It’s the least I could do, you made dinner.” 

“A little water will hurt you. Go to bed, I’ll handle this. It’s only two dishes.”

You opened your mouth to argue with him, but it snapped shut as soon as he gave you a warning look. “Go to bed (y/n).”

“...Aright, thank you for doing that. I’ll see ya in the morning.”

He grunted as you walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into the guest room. You walked straight to the bed and plopped down onto the surface. You felt sort of bad that you were rubbing soot off onto the white comforter from your still charcoaled skin, but it was nothing that you couldn’t clean in the morning. The bed was extremely comfortable, a stark contrast to your old one. Your old one had lumps and some exposed bedsprings sticking out of the fabric. With the weight of the heavy comforter and the plush mattress, you were out like a light.

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Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @misfortunatem00n  @hee-hee-haw  @bi-narystars  @akikko-yataro  @snapple311  @jo171718  @alex--awesome--22  @cinnamonmochi  @waterstrawberry  @jefferyepsteindidntkillhimself  @imamusicalnerd  @fo-love  @sylumarts  @theshitinmytrunk  @rinzyx05  @wasteofspacze  @bands-are-amazingly-addicting  @im-a-depressed-gay  @charlotte-is-missing  @s-n1428  @lifestylesleep  @dame-sunflowers  @bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @aestheticpkmntrainer  @emma-the-duck17  @pek0ra  @wreny24  @willow404  @shiningsunrises  @vanhakirja  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @soulless42  @giavanna

[hockeyboysimagines]

Guess I always knew

Prequel to Say it to me Softly.

Pairing:Nolan Patrick x Sawyer Grey(OC fem)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, parties, alcohol, sexual situations, fluff, angst, harassment, fighting.

Hi all! This is really long, but it had to be done! Just some fun Nolan and Sawyer moments through the years until he asks her to move with him. Hopefully it can give you some background on them and you enjoy it!

-💕

Toast popped up just as Delaney wrapped the hair tie around the bottom of Sawyers braid

“Viola.” She said smiling and pulling it tight. Sawyer smiled at her sister as her mother pulled the toast up and put butter on it. It was a warm early summer morning and a cool breeze was drifting through the open screen door in the kitchen. The radio was on, Sawyer’s mother, Anna humming along with the radio as she moved about the kitchen making breakfast. Mason was in his high chair eating cereal, and she could hear Liv making her way downstairs. Kellan was seated at the island reading the sports section of the paper.

“ Alright.” Delaney said, finishing her orange juice and placing her plate and cup in the dishwasher “I’m out.”

“Where you off to today?” He mom asked as she stirred pancake batter, bowl perched on her hip.

“Heading to the lake with some friends, shouldn’t be home too late.”

Her mom smiled, as Delaney dropped a kiss in Mason’s head and slugged kellan in the side. She waved to the girls and her mom.

“Del?” She turned hoisting her bag over her shoulder, hand braced on the door frame.

“Be careful. “

She smiled “Always am mom.” She breezed out the door, the sound of her flip flops on the gravel growing faint until she reached her car and pulled out of the driveway.

“How bout you?” Her mom said turning to Kellan. He stood drinking the last of his coffee, and stretched setting the paper down.

“I’m heading out to pick up some bait, then I’m gonna meet dad out at the mill and we’re gonna go fishing and then we’ll be home with dinner.” She smiled and wiped her hands on her apron, accepting a kiss on the cheek as he walked to put his boots on.

“And you?” Sawyer smiled and before she could say anything she heard her name being called from the driveway.

“Why do I even ask?” He mother chuckled and opened the window.

“Good morning Nolan honey! Are you hungry?”

“Good morning Mrs.Grey! No thanks my mom wouldn’t let me leave without eating. She said she has flowers to drop off for you later today!” Sawyer shoved her feet in her sneakers and put her plate and cup in the dishwasher before giving her mom a quick hug and waving to her siblings.

Nolan was sitting on his bike at the bottom of the driveway, backpack strapped on his shoulders. Sawyer heaved her own bike up, throwing a leg over it and hoisting herself up on the seat.

“So what do you want to do today?” Nolan asked as they began pedaling down the gravel road.

Summer had just started, and they had 3 whole months of free time with no school, no teachers and no responsibility.

“ I don’t know. It’s not warm enough to go swimming.”

He shook his head as they continued down the road waving to various neighbors and classmates. The sun was out now, high in the sky beating down and burning their shoulders. They ended up pedaling out of the neighborhood and dropped their bikes at the end of a hill and hiked to the top. They could see almost the whole town from there. Nolan was stretched out laying on his back eyes closed. Even at 12 Nolan was all legs and arms, hair shaggy that he refused cut. His mom had given up chasing him around with scissors and threatening bodily harm if he didn’t keep it short.

“I’m so glad schools over.”

“Yeah me too. No more homework, no more class, no more hockey.”

“You love hockey.”

“ Well yeah I do but I like a good break now and again you know.”

They sat for a while talking about the important stuff all 12 year olds talk about until it got too hot. They trekked back down the hill and decided to go to Nolan’s. The sun was shining and the air was warm and what should have been the start of a fun filled summer was the day their lives were about to change. Nolan’s mom had come frantically running from the front door when she saw them coming up the front walk and ushered them both into the car.

Delaney Grey was gone, her car abandoned, and no one knew where she was. Sawyer watched the following days destroy her parents, and turn her world upside down. The discovery of her car and her body later on would change the course of Sawyers entire life. She would forever be known as the girl who’s sister was murdered. Nolan was more important to her than ever. His mom took her in, keeping her shielded and protected from things she didn’t need to see, and stepped in when her mom couldn’t.

Time passed, the wounds healed but her parents were never the same and never okay. A lot of it passed so quickly she woke some days and didn’t remember. But the time they turned 15 rumors and stares mostly died down, until the anniversary. It would always be a part of her, and something that would always affect her. But she had Nolan. So she would fine.

******

“Gosh it’s so hot.” Jessi was sitting on a lawn chair in Sawyers backyard, sunglasses perched on her nose. Jessie had become an unexpected and close friend over the school year. They had met in English class, and paired together in a project. Jessie had a purple streak in her long dark hair, and a nose ring but she was funny and the only person who she could spend long amounts of time with besides Nolan. He even liked her, and the two of them got along well. The girls had been laying out in their bathing suits for almost 45 minutes and the most color they had gotten was sunburn. Sawyer closed her eyes and tipped her head back. It was rare to have peaceful moments like this so she was going to cherish it.

“Speaking of hot-“Jessi lowered her glasses and nudged her chin forward. Nolan and Chase, along with some other guys she didn’t know had just pulled into her driveway.

“Are you sure you never hit that?” Jessi was talking about Nolan, as always. She didn’t understand how ‘two people so attractive could exist as just friends without sex’.

“No Jess, I have not.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna now? I mean damn.”

“If you think he’s so hot why don’t you-“

“He’s way out of my league babe. I wouldn’t even try it. But you should.”

Nolan had immediately tried to get them to leave her driveway the minute they pulled up and he saw she was wearing a bikini.

“Oh hell no.” Chase said practically jumping out of the car. “Sorry Pat. You said I couldn’t touch, but you said nothing about looking.”

Nolan mumbled something and followed his friends into her backyard, already regretting not calling. Why couldn’t she be wearing clothing?

*******

Sawyer closed her locker, balancing her books in one arm as she clicked the lock shut. It was raining but it was Friday and school was halfway over. As she turned she bumped into a chest. She looked up, about to scold Nolan for sneaking up on her when she was greeted by Kyle Welch. Kyle was the captain of the football team and a pretty well known colossal dick, but all the same he was popular and someone she had never even spoken to. Her eyebrows shot up on her forehead and she took a step back.

Hi. Your Sawyer right?”

“I-Uh yeah?”

“Your in my English class right? We should study sometime.” He was smiling at her, all teeth like a fucking dragon. He was looking at her with the strangest of looks, one that made her very very uncomfortable. Like she was a piece of meat, a toy for him to play with.

“Uhm. Sure. I guess.”

He gave her another smile and a nod before walking down the hallway and disappearing.

She shook her head, still confused but began her walk to the cafeteria. She found Nolan and the rest of her friends seated at the usual table. She sat between Nolan and Chase, across from Jessie, still bothered by the exchange at her locker.

“Your never going to believe who asked me to study today.” She said as she bit into an apple slice from her spot between them.

“Who?” Chase asked turning to her, mouth full of sandwich.

“Kyle Welch.”

Nolan’s bottle of water banged loudly off the table as he dropped it and his head whipped towards her.

“He what?”

She nodded and as she went to speak Kyle himself passed by their table sending her a smile. Nolan was glaring at him so severely, if looks could kill Kyle would be dead and the football team would be out a captain.

“No fucking way are you helping that guy study.” Nolan said, face set in stone.

“Yeah I’m gonna have to second this one.” Chase said from her other side.

“I wasn’t going to anyways, I think he just did it to be a dick.” She could feel heat and tension radiating off of Nolan, though she wasn’t sure why. As far as she knew they had never had any interaction, and ran in separate circles. But he was still glaring at him all the same.

“I heard some pretty messed up shit about that guy.” Chase said, eyeing Kyle from across the room.

“Like what?” Jessie asked. She was staring at Nolan who was still visibly angry, eyebrows furrowed. She glanced at Sawyer, who shrugged and turned her attention to Chase.

“ I mean it’s just a rumor but someone said that spiked some girls drink at Jenny Miller’s party last year. And I guess she isn’t the only one. Apparently he’s done it before. Like I said, just what I heard but still alarming eh?”

“Just stay clear of him.” Nolan snapped. He was quiet for the rest of lunch till the bell rang. He gave her a long look as he stood, and then turned abruptly and left the cafeteria without another word.

“What’s his deal?” Jessi asked, making Chase roll his eyes.

“You know Nolan. Come on.” He said nudging Sawyer “We’re gonna be late.”

She had always tried to keep her distance from Kyle and his group of friends in general. Nolan had an issue with him that she never truly understood but because it was Nolan she trusted it was for a good reason. She was following behind Chase on the way to history, but as he rounded the corner Kyle reappeared in front of her separating them. Chase kept walking unaware that she was no longer behind him.

“Oh hi.” She said taking a step away from him. The hallway was mostly empty and he was way too close to her.

“So about studying. How about later?”

“Oh I Uhm. I don’t know.”

“Come on. My parents are gone for the weekend so we’ll have the place to ourselves.” He reached forward, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She froze. Nolan had a habit of tucking her hair behind her ear, but it felt all wrong when Kyle did it, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“I can drive you to my house. It’ll be fun.”

“I usually drive home with-“

“Me.” She jumped and turned to find Nolan coming up behind her. He was glowering at Kyle over her shoulder, who looked at him unfazed.

“Is this your boyfriend or something?”

“Yeah I am. Let’s go.” He steered her away by the waist, and down the hall away from him.

“What the fuck was that about?” He stopped suddenly and spun to face her.

“He wanted me to come home with him after school. I said no.”

He rubbed his forehead eyes closed “Go to History. And wait for me after school. “

He left, storming down the hall leaving her standing in front of her classroom. After class she said goodbye to Chase and stuffed her books into her locker before walking out the back entrance of school. The rain had stopped but it was damp and chilly as she walked, avoiding puddles on the sidewalk. She rubbed her arms through her sweater, and as she turned the corner to the back of the building she stopped.

Kyle and a few of on his football buddies were hanging around, and turned to face her. Kyle smiled slowly, and gave her a once over, making her feel like she needed a shower. She felt trapped for a moment when she realized she was alone, the closest person being way ahead of her in the parking lot.

“Hey. Decided to take me up in my offer eh?” She was still glued to the spot.

“I was actually heading to meet Nolan. Excuse me.” She tried to brush past him but he grabbed her arm.

“Hey where you going?” He pulled her closer, fingers gripping her skin painfully. The other guys had wandered over, circling around laughing. She broke from his grasp only to have him catch both of her wrists and pull him to her.

“You should be thankful I’m even giving you the time of day.” He said coolly “Now how about you come get in my car and we’ll go to my house and you can get on your-“

“What is this?” Nolan had turned to corner with Rhett and Chase. Kyle released her and held his hands up. She bolted to Nolan, falling into his arms holding back tears. Had he not turned the corner she had no idea what would have happened. Kyle and his friends turned to leave, and he yelled over his shoulder.

“Have fun slumming Patrick.”

“I’ll kill him.”

“Whoa buddy. Calm down.” Chase said peering around him to look at her.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine I just really wanna go home.” She swiped at a tear, as more came rolling down her cheeks, she heaved in a ragged breath. He had scared her, and made her feel small. She wondered if this was how her sister felt when she knew she was in trouble that day. Small and scared. And alone. Nolan ducked his head down to look at her.

“Hey. Hey. It’s okay let’s just go.” She walked with them to the car, several student noticing her red eyes and tears. She got in quickly, while Nolan said goodbye to the guys. The ride home was quiet. Too quiet. She felt disgusting, and every time she closed her eyes she could feel his breath on her face and his hands on her skin. Nolan was gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white face unreadable. When he pulled up to her house, he parked and sighed. No one was home, and though normally he would drop her off, he got out.

“I’m not leaving you here alone.”

She nodded and he followed her up the front steps and in the front door. She was still crying as she dropped her backpack by the door.

“Sawyer.” He said softly. She turned, head bowed and he very gently wrapped her in a hug, sobs wracking her body. They stayed like that for a while, till she was all cried out.

******

Nolan had completely forgotten that he promised Bo he would do an “interview” the best day. While he was annoyed, he was also relieved. They had been friends for a long time, and Bo took his mind off getting in his car and driving to Kyle’s house to murder him. Sawyer was going to come over afterwards. She was still upset, but was doing her best to mask it. He felt guilty for letting her walk out of school alone that day, when he would typically meet her by the entrance.

After the whole thing was over and Bo ended the interview, miffed that Nolan had answered the phone before he was done speaking, Nolan hung up and turned back to Bo who was smiling mischievously.

“ So?”

“What?”

Bo rolled his eyes “We all know who your best friend is Pat and we both know it’s neither one of those guys.”

Nolan rolled his eyes and scowled “ Leave her out of this.”

“I would but she’s just so hot-“

Before Bo could say anything else Nolan had pulled the back of his shirt over his head and had him in a tight neck lock. The other guys laughed immediately trying to turn the camera back on.

“Alright Jesus let go Pat! I was joking!”

He released him and pointed a finger threateningly at him as Bo straightened his shirt and started giggling.

“I’m serious-“

“I know Pat I would never do that. I thought you knew me better than that.”

That was Nolan’s worst fear. Most of his friends knew better than to even think about asking Sawyer out but it didn’t stop them from looking and making comments. The speculation that surrounded them had grown huge by the time they were in high school, and while it was exhausting to have to answer the same questions over and over again Nolan found that he didn’t really mind that people thought there was some attachment between them. It kept guys away from her and while he knew it was selfish he couldn’t help it. He just didn’t think anyone was good enough for her. He had purposely said someone else’s name when Bo asked so that they would leave him alone about her and it had backfired anyways.

It was frustrating for Nolan to know that given the opportunity all his friends would make some type of move on her, and he would break both his legs before that happened. He tried to keep a barrier between her and them but most of the time it didn’t work. She was just so damn friendly and approachable, her big smile pulled people in like a magnet.

“ I thought she’d be around, where is she anyway?”

“None of your business.”

Bo held his hands up, and as if on cue Sawyers car pulled into his driveway. Nolan had tried to hurry the process of the ‘interview’ hoping they would be gone before she got there but Bo had spent so much time goofing around they were behind schedule.

Great.

She stepped out, closed the door and made her way to Nolan’s back yard. Her hair was curly today, falling down her back to her waist. She had on a pair of jeans and a long sleeve grey shirt. Even completely covered the other guys had already given her a thorough once over and continued to stare as she came to stand next to him. Nolan gave Bo one last glare

“Hi.” Nolan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. For whatever the reason Nolan got slightly possessive over her in situations like this, which didn’t make sense because he wasn’t her boyfriend. But the arm that he wrapped around her shoulders stayed there, keeping her pulled flush to his side.

“Hi Bo.” She smiled at him, practically making the other guys flood Nolan’s yard with drool.

“Hey. Your boy here just hit me with a plastic ball right in the junk.”

“Well you probably deserved it.”

Nolan laughed and bid Bo and the others goodbye, as they filed out of his yard, and Sawyer followed him up the steps to his room and threw herself down on his bed. He pulled open a drawer and pulled his shirt off to put on a new one. Sawyer turned and felt a blush creep up her neck while he changed. She had seen him shirtless plenty of times but he had obviously been spending extra time in the gym and his long lanky frame was beginning to change.

What the hell am I saying? She shook her head and turned her attention to the tv instead, trying to ignore shirtless Nolan on the other side of the room. He pulled another shirt over his head and came to sit next to her.

“Tired?” He asked. She was curled in a ball, head on his pillow. She nodded and closed her eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep last night after you know-.”

He nodded “I’m still mad about it. But that’s never gonna happen again.”

He laid down next to her, settling in and flipped the tv on and she inches closer resting her head on his shoulder. She had an angry purple bruise on her wrist, another on her upper arm. He was pissed just looking at it. It was a reminder that he hadn’t been there to protect her.

Her eyes had slid closed. He was so warm and inviting and she felt safe and relaxed for the first time in 24 hours, as she felt his arm wrap around her shoulders. He felt her body grow heavy, and her breathing even out and grow slow. They were alone in his house, his parents and sisters were gone and would be for several hours. He reached a hand up and ran it tentatively through her hair. He always had his hands in her hair. It was thick and soft and caught the light just right when she moved. She stirred slightly, and wrapped an arm around his midsection, sighing. Her eyes opened and she tipped her head back to look up at him.

Nolan suddenly felt an extreme urge to kiss her. His eyes moved to her mouth, which was less than 6 inches from his own, and then back up to her eyes again. They stayed that way for a few moments before Nolan leaned forward slightly hand coming up to her face. Her heart rate increased as his nose brushed against hers. Their lips had just touched when the sound of a slamming door from downstairs made them jump apart and Sawyer moved clear across the bed away from him before standing up quickly. Nolan was alarmed at what had almost just happened and was rooted to the spot. She was backed up against the wall like a animal cornered in a cage, eyes large.

“Sawyer I-“

She hurried from the room, the sound of her feet carrying down the stairs, out his front door and into her car. He threw himself backwards and sighed.

Fuck.

******

Sawyer was standing with Jessie drink in hand when Bo came up behind her and bumped her shoulder.

“Your boy is here.” He motioned behind him with his head, and Sawyer rolled her eyes.

“He’s not my boy.” She looked over Bo’s shoulder and felt a twinge of annoyance. Nolan was standing with Rhett and Chase surrounded by a group of girls all giggling and twirling their hair around their fingers, giving them their best doe eyes. One girl in particular had Nolan’s attention, as he leaned against the wall hands in his pockets smiling as she spoke to him. The twinge of annoyance became anger. What the hell was he doing? He had nearly kissed her earlier that afternoon and now he was flirting with someone else?

“Kaylee Smith eh?” Jessie shook her head and took a sip out of her solo cup “Is anyone gonna tell him it’s supposedly like a cave down there?”

Bo stifled a laugh and looked at Sawyer. She was gripping her cup, other arm folded across her midsection.

“Well isn’t that just fucking cozy.”

She downed the rest of her drink and pushed through the crowd to get another one. Bo and Jessie watched her go before turning back to each other.

“This isn’t going to end well.”

“Maybe I should go warn Pat.”

Bo turned and weaved through the crowd of people, and gave Nolan a punch when he reached him. He turned pausing his conversation with Kaylee, and gave Bo a small smile.

“What’s up?”

“Can I talk to you?…. Alone?” Kaylee reached forward and gave Nolan’s hand a small squeeze before she turned to walk away.

“I’ll talk to you later.” She gave him a smile over the shoulder which he returned, and turned to leave with her friends.

“Are you a moron?” Bo asked arms folded. Nolan frowned, and Rhett and Chase both let out a chuckle.

“What?”

“Your about to cause a serious cat fight my guy.”

“Cat fight? I’m down for a cat fight.” Chase was snickering over the top of his solo cup, as he surveyed the girls in the living room.

“Who?” Nolan was confused. He had been talking to Kaylee since he had arrived and she was definitely flirting with him. He didn’t really have any interest in her, but he also didn’t have a girlfriend so he let her continue. And then it hit him. Sawyer had to be around here somewhere and no doubt it looked from the outside that he was going to take Kaylee home.

“Where is she?” Bo was frowning at him, and shook his head.

“What is up with you two? Your friends but I don’t think your really just friends-“

“Please dude we’ve had this conversation with him a million times and he refuses to budge.”

“Where is she?” Nolan repeated more forcefully this time. After what had happened earlier he had to at least explain himself. He couldn’t see her but he did see Jessie making her way through the crowd. He pushed in between them and caught her by the elbow.

“Nolan hi.” She knew what he wanted, but Sawyer had asked her to cover so she was going to.

“Where is she Jessie?”

“I don’t know honestly. I lost her a little bit ago. Check the bathroom maybe?”

Jessie’s face was solid as steel. She wasn’t going to tell him anything.

Sawyer in the mean time was in the kitchen pouring alcohol into a cup when she felt a presence behind her. Kaylee smith was leaning against the counter behind her, arms crossed. She had never spoken a word to her before so she wasn’t sure why she was in her space now.

“Sorry do you need something?” She wasn’t usually this snippy but she was already annoyed and the source of her annoyance was way too close for her liking.

“What’s with you and Nolan?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m going home with him, and I just want to make sure you aren’t together.”

Sawyer giggled into her cup, before sipping off the top of it and shook her head as it burned all the way down her throat. “Your awfully sure of yourself huh?”

She pursed her lips in a tight smile, head turning to the side “Honey, I always get what I want. So you can find your own way home tonight. Kay?” She gave a wide nasty smile and Sawyer saw red.

“You really think he’s taking you home? Then you don’t really know Nolan at all. And don’t ever think he’ll take you home over me. Ever.”

At that moment Nolan himself entered the kitchen looking relieved to find her and then awkward when he realized she wasn’t alone. Kaylee smiled at him but he brushed past her and stood between them.

“Can I talk to you.” He gently grabbed Sawyers elbow and pulled her out of the kitchen. She sent a small smile at Kaylee over her shoulder as he steered her away, and left her standing in the kitchen mouth open. Once out of sight she pulled her arm from his grip and nearly stumbled, catching herself on the wall.

“Are you drunk?”

“Not enough.” She took another sip of her drink and ran her fingers through her hair before she turned on him.

“You and Kaylee smith huh?” She was squinting at him, cheeks red, hand on her hip. She looked angry, but Nolan wasn’t sure why because he hadn’t done anything.

“What? No.”

“Oh please.” She jabbed a finger into his chest, and stumbled back from the force of it “I saw her all googledneyes-gogole eyeed” Nolan was almost tempted to laugh as she stumbled over her words eyebrows furrowed as she struggled to say what she was trying to.

“Okay. I think it’s time to take you home.”

“She said you were taking her home.”

“God no. I’m taking you home. Now let’s go.”

He said goodbye to his friends and put her in the car. Her house was dark which meant no one was home. He had a hell of a time getting her out and up the stairs. He had just gotten her in the door when he felt her start to shake. At first he thought she was going to puke and immediately held her out at arms length, and rubbed against the wall near the light switch trying to turn it on with no hands. But when she let out a whimper he realized she wasn’t about to get sick.

“Are you crying?”

“No.” She choked out, bracing a hand on his arm as she almost fell in the doorway.

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s gonna take you away.”

“What? Who?”

“Kaylee what’s her name? Girlfriends never let guys have girl beat friends.”

“Oh my god are you-stop.” He heaved her up the stairs as tear flowed down her face. He turned her around so her arms were around his neck, face tucked into his shoulder. She had herself pulled so tightly against him he was struggling to get up the stairs. He had one hand firmly on her lower back, the other one he was using to pull himself up the stairs by the railing. She let out a particular loud sob, and Nolan tired to pull her off of him to look at him, but she just held him tighter.

“Im not even into her like that.”

“Her. Someone else. Doesn’t matter. They’ll take you from me.” She whispered against his neck. Her words touched Nolan’s heart.

“That’s never gonna happen okay?” He opened her bedroom door and walked her forward to her bed losing his footing and falling down into bed with her. They landed, bed springs squeaking with a small ‘oof’. Her tears had subsided and she was laying with her eyes closed on her pillow as he untangled himself from her.

“ Nolan?” Sawyer asked face against the pillow

“ Hmmmmm?”

“ Do you still love me?” He chuckled and pulled the covers up over her, pushing her hair from her face. She was flushed and her eyeliner was smudged around the eyes from her crying, but she opened them and stared at him waiting for his answer.

“ Of course I do. Why?”

She sat up suddenly, getting right up in his face. He was frozen as she stared at him, lips pushing up against his, arm wrapping around his neck. It was chaste at first but then she pressed harder and pulled herself flush to him. Like his body was on autopilot he let his tongue trace across her lower lip, and she opened her mouth allowing him to push it inside. Her heart was beating hard in her chest as one of his hands tangled in her hair and gripped the back of her neck. They carried on a few more moments till he felt her tug at the bottom of his shirt.

“No Sawyer.”

She looked shocked, and then angry as she backed up against her headboard.

“Did you say no? “

“Yes I did.”

She sputtered for a moment, genuine hurt clouding her face. Nolan felt bad but he had to put his foot down.

“ What? Not pretty enough?”

“No that has nothing to do with it. I’m not gonna let you do this when your drunk. Now go to bed. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.” She blinked sadly and laid down facing away from him. She was out within seconds and Nolan sighed looking down at her. He laid down on the sofa at the opposite end of her room, and folded his arm beneath his head as stared at the ceiling.

What the hell was going on?

Sawyer woke up with a raging headache the next morning. Her whole body hurt, and her mouth tasted like booze. She blinked a few times before she lifted her head and immediately put it back on her pillow. Her clothing from the night before was still on and as she curled up to snuggle deeper under the blankets her foot hit something. She froze and turned slowly to find Nolan was sitting up next to her on her bed, doing something on his phone. Her curtains were drawn shut and the room was still dark, but the the tv was on. She could hear the putter patter of rain on her window and could see the dark clouds through a sliver of window not covered by the curtain. He looked down when she stirred and smiled.

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Like I got hit by a train. She rolled over to face him, head still on her pillow.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll stay for a while.”

She nodded and yawned snuggling in closer to him. He reached a tentative hand up and let his fingers run through her hair. She was asleep within a few minutes, her head resting on her pillow by his hip. She didn’t remember last night and he wouldn’t tell her about it. It was a secret he would keep, and kiss he would try to forget.

Nolan never spoke of it to anyone, not his friends, family no one. It was a secret he would take with him not only for his own sake but for hers as well. He didn’t know what she was going through but what had happened last night could have changed everything. He had thankfully not been drinking at that point, because if he had he wasn’t so sure he would have stopped her. The way she had kissed him had sent a chill up his spine. He buried it, and things between them went back to normal, but sometimes late at night when he couldn’t sleep it floated into his mind, and though he would never admit it to anyone but his own conscience, he wanted to do it again.

*******

“Nolan James you are cutting this hair whether you like it or not.” His mom said as she shoved him out the door and into the car. Sawyer was chuckling as she buckled herself in the backseat. He threw his head against the passenger seat. He had worked so hard to grow it out.

“I will not have you looking like a homeless child when you get drafted.”

“Everyone wears it this way now mom-“

“Well you don’t.” Nolan grumbled, and bitched and moaned through the whole thing. His mom made him take it short, shorter than it had been in a long time. He looked clean cut and presentable, but she liked it long.

“You look SO handsome.” She said smiling at him through the mirror. He looked sadly at the long pieces that littered the floor.

“I better get drafted really high for this.”

*******

“Philadelphia selects from the Western Hockey League’s Brandon Wheat Kings, Nolan Patrick.”

Sawyer covered her mouth, blinking away the tears in her eyes. She watched as Nolan stood, and hugged his parents and sisters before turning to her and pulling her into a very long hug.

“I couldn’t have made it this far without you.” He whispered, before releasing her and walked up to the stage, and pulled on the orange sweater.

He had made it. And she was so proud of him. His mom gave her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

“It’s so important to him that your here.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” She swiped at a tear, and clapped along with the rest of the crowd as Nolan stood on the stage and officially became a Philadelphia Flyer. She knew this meant she was going to lose him, that he would be far away and make new friends, and maybe even meet the girl he would spend the rest of his life with. But he had made it and that was all that mattered. When everything was all said and done, interviews completed and photos taken, it was just them alone in her hotel room. They had broken into the mini bar, and were laying on their back in the bed. The orange jersey hung on the back of a chair, and her black dress was hung on a hanger, shoes on the floor.

“How does it feel?” She asked quietly. The sun had just started to go down, the tv was on and she was sleepy from the long day and the alcohol. He shrugged.

“Nols you got drafted today. That’s a big thing.”

“Yeah. But it means I’m going to have to leave you.”

He turned his head to look at her. He was happy about the draft, but his whole life was in Winnipeg, with his family, his friends, and her. And he would leave all that at the end of the summer.

“I’m not going anywhere Nols. I’ll be here when you leave, and I’ll be here when you get back.”

There wasn’t much talking the rest of the night. They chose to sit in comfortable silence till they both fell asleep. They spent as much time together that summer as they could, clinging on to the last moments together for dear life. They were both absolutely terrified of being without each other for the first time in almost 19 years. She would have to re adjust her life at home without him, and he would have to start over somewhere new without her.

The night before he was due to leave they hiked up to the top of that hill they had sat on the day her sister disappeared. It was dark by the time they reached the top, the sounds of nightfall echoing through the trees. The moon was high in the sky, casting a pale milky glow over the trees and hills. The light sod town seemed so far away as they sat neither one saying a word.

“Will you come visit?” He asked quietly. She nodded.

“Of course. As soon as I can. Your gonna have so much fun in Philly Nolan.”

“I guess.”

It was quiet for a while before Nolan couldn’t take it anymore. He had been dying the last few months, each day getting shorter and shorter as it passed. His time with her seemed like it was being robbed from him. He went over it a million times in his head. And he always came back to the night she kissed him. A night she didn’t even remember and he would never forget.

“Sawyer.” He said suddenly, startling her. She was so used to him mumbling his way through life it took her aback how deep his voice was when he spoke clearly.

“What?”

“Can I- I just. Maybe this is just me being…whatever about leaving tomorrow but, can I…can I kiss you?”

She sucked in a breath, feeling like her chest was constricting. They had not spoken of their almost kiss the day he took her home when she was drunk, and she had pushed it out of her mind as a pity kiss for what had happened at the school the day prior. She didn’t remember the other one, and here he was asking her to do it again. He stared at her for a long time waiting for an answer. She didn’t know why she did it, she couldn’t think of a reason, she could barely even formulate words, but somehow she managed to say.

“Yes.”

He rose to his feet and extended a hand pulling her up with him. Her heart was clocking around in her chest, as she watched his hand moved forward and came to rest on her cheek. He stepped forward, pulling her against him very gently before he leaned down and brushed her nose with his own, before he pressed his lips to hers.

It wasn’t a heavy make out like in a movie. It was soft and slow, and shorter than she wanted it to be. When they broke apart, he sighed and let his forehead fall against her own.

“I don’t want to leave tomorrow.”

******

She watched with tears in her eyes as Nolan hugged his parents, various aunts uncles and friends at the airport. There had been no more talking, or kissing the night before. She didn’t know why he had done it, but it felt like it was okay. He finally turned to her, eyes sad and took a deep breath.

“Don’t cry.” He said as she fell slowly into him, arms coming around his midsection. A series of silent tears fell from her eyes as he rubbed a hand up her back. She knew this moment was coming, but she wasn’t ready for it. He pulled back to look at her, hands resting on her shoulders. She had her head bowed, two fistfuls of the material of his sweatshirt. His mom motioned for the rest of the group to turn around, and give them some privacy.

“Nolan.” Her voice caught in her throat. He reached forward and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear for what felt like the last time.

“I’ll see you soon.” He gave her a small smile, and let go of her still grasping her hand as he walked away towards the gate until they both let go. She wrapped her arms around her middle. She watched until he disappeared through security before she let out a choked sob. Bo, Jessi, And Chase immediately pulled her into a three way hug, and allowed her to cry on their shoulders right there in the airport.

*******

I hope you like this! It was both funny and sad and special to write! Let me know what you think💕

[tarithenurse]

Spark - 6

Fandom: Enn Enn no Shouboutai / Fire Force. Pairing: Shinmon Benimaru x fem!reader. Content: Denial. A glimpse into the past and into some hearts. Lack of proofing. A/N: Et voilá. Feel free to ASK or reblog for tag – in fact: always reblog <3 Thanks to those who have already <3

6. Ember

...   Benimaru   ...

Wet drops spray the face of the young captain of Company Seven, startling him back to the present where his friend and mentor waits. Konro is meticulously wiping his hands clean of soapy suds, the melancholic eyes hardened with stubbornness.

“What?” Benimaru sighs.

The senior takes his time to clean up the last thing in the kitchen before making them both a cup of tea, and even if Benimaru is getting impatient he knows better than to nag.

“You worry,” Konro finally states.

Yes. “Don’t know what you mean.”

“I’ve been trying to get your attention for several minutes. You’re worrying ‘bout [Y/N]...you don’t like that she’s on her own with Haijima and the Temple after her.”

“We don’t know if they are.”

The risk is huge, though, as rumours are circulating – and not just in Asakusa either: a few “leisurely” visits to bars in neighbouring districts had quickly payed off in the form of whispered gossip. And yeah, the people Benimaru had overheard were all civilians but his distrust of the governing bodies fed into what some would consider conspiracy theories.

“...and I don’t worry.”

Simply smiling knowingly, the older man sips his tea and allows the silence to become the answer. Faint notes of jasmine and camellia cocoon them in an attempt to create a fragile, peaceful bubble. Under normal circumstances that would work. This time, however, one of them men remains jittery, his mind losing a battle against unwanted concerns.

“Why would I even worry? You’ve no reason to think that.”

Konro tries to smother a laugh. “I’ve known you since you were a kid, Beni,” he snickers, “and in all that time I’ve never seen anyone get you as riled up as she does.”

“That’s ‘cause she’s infuriating!”

And she is. Uncooperative, stubborn, reckless, unpredictable, strange, intriguing, resourceful, charming (to those she likes). Fuck. Loath to admit it, the captain has to accept that the list of adjectives would be filled with increasingly positive traits if he were to continue trying to define the woman.

It hardly matters, though. It’s been almost a week and despite the rumours flourishing beyond Asakusa, there hasn’t been a single tangible bit of evidence that [Y/N] is still roaming free somewhere. Maybe, she’s taken his warning seriously and done a proper job at hiding this time, but the risk is great that she’s been caught by either of the authorities for testing.

They’d see her as a blank slate. Someone who clearly has some pyrochinetic ability latent, waiting to be triggered and possibly shaped to fit the needs of the situation in which it arises. She’d be an experiment. A test subject bombarded with horrors until either Haijima or the Temple accomplish what they want...or dispose of her as a failure.

“Listen,” Konro tries to appease, “I don’t want her falling into their hands either and I’ve got both eyes and ears open. Maybe we’ll find her in time.”

...  Reader   ...

Staring at the paper in your hands, the writing blurs in comparison to the picture of two men with attempted smiles – one of them is holding a framed photograph of a pair of sisters, the other father clenches a plushy. Even if the scene is monochrome you know the singed, floppy ear of the toy rabbit is purple. It’s the stiff way they sit that call forth tears which you angrily wipe away. It’s their eyes focused beyond the camera, at whomever choreographed the whole thing from the way they sit to the text which you still haven’t read. You know it’s not the men’s words anyways, despite what the text claims.

“W-where’d y’get this?”

You hate how shaky your voice is. Hate the slight wince that not even the Joker can hide.

“Let’s just say I’ve got...friends in the right places.” The hesitation is obvious to anyone with trust issues, but you decide not to dig into it. “Don’t worry...daddies are still at home, nice and safe and under surveillance in case you show up.”

How? You’d purposely stayed away for more than a year after having seen them through the anguish of rebuilding a life with both daughters gone. Staying away from the neighbourhood and all the places you knew they might frequent...and still they’d been dragged into a manhunt without knowing half of what was going on. Or do they? No. Haijima and the Temple would tell them a lie, that much is clear from the few lines seeping into your consciousness from below the picture. ‘Kidnapped’, ‘vulnerable’, ‘return her home’, ‘reward’.

“Tell me,” your strange rescuer puffs, “why are you so keen on not getting caught by them? They could help you with your powers.”

You suppose it’s a logical question, one that aligns with the plan you’d come up with once the initial panic and concern had faded away during the first weeks alone:

Squeezed in between the dumpsters, you could only see glimpses of the third special fire force company’s battle against the infernals. You could hear the burning screams; wailing, high pitched, cursing the living while craving their souls. One by one, the fiery beings were extinguished. Latôm.

But your legs were shaking too much for you to crawl out of your hiding spot and all you could do was sit and try to breathe. In and out. Thoughts swirled in your head, obscured by a different kind of smoke, and it was the dry voice of one from the third company that brought your attention back to the world:

“What a shame,” he complained in a hush to another, “I was sure it would work this time.”

“More tests,” was the curt answer, “the more we discover and get control over, the closer we’ll get.”

The words held little meaning to a scared teenager but you understood – no, you wanted to think – they were trying to find a way to stop infernals from appearing.

“The faster they combust, the sooner we can find a new Atolla. Burn the place down.”

“Until then...we managed to get those,” the second consoled icily and you saw his shadow point to two children.

Frightened, crying snot so hard that one of them is hiccup’ing, it was clear they didn’t want to be a part of whatever the men were talking about. The first man, wearing a high hat and glasses over a bird-like mask, bend to look at them, giving you the impression that he might as well have been scrutinizing the craftsmanship of a woodworker rather than human beings.

“They won’t be missed?” he inquired.

It seemed to amuse his friend. “Missed? Who’d miss sticky little maggots like these? Besides, it’s for the Cause.”

A few days later, you saw the red-eyed mother handing out homemade pamphlets with description and picture of one of the children.

A week after that, you saw the kid holding on tight to a hand as they walked down a busy street. Not tight enough, though. The boy cried out in distress at being abandoned at first until the confused sounds morphed into screams of agony as flames sprouted from his eyes, arms, body. As you fled the scene, you could have sworn you saw the masked man retreat into an alley.

“I don’t know much about them, but I don’t trust them. They hurt kids. People.”

The Joker pins you down with a long stare of the crazy eye. “Let’s hope you never find out for yourself.”

[aros001]

First time read through light novel vol. 5.

STOP BITING YOUR DAMN FINGERS!!!

“—If you have decided to fight, fight with all your body and soul. Forget all pretty words that lead to defeat. Hunger and thirst for victory using any means necessary. If you can still stand, if you can still move a single finger, if your fangs have not yet been broken, stand. Stand. Get up, get up, and attack. So long as you live, fight. Fight, fight, fight!”

In my last post I commented on how Subaru, if he wanted to be closer to Emilia, had ironically already learned the way during one of his previous loops; that instead of grandstanding and white knighting for her he could have just been her friend like she wanted. This reminds me a little of that, because we have seen Subaru fight with everything he has, not even entertaining Return By Death as an option for if he should fail. The fight against Elsa applies but I'm mainly thinking of when he faced off against the Shaman. He did everything he possibly could in that battle, fighting and struggling until the very end even when it was clear he couldn't win, not even allowing himself to think of failing because of what could happen to Rem and Ram. That's the interesting thing about Subaru. He has already had times where he's proved his worth and his value to others. But he's so caught up in the fantasy that he either doesn't see it himself or it's not enough for him.

This has nothing to do with anything, just that after reading Wilhelm in this book I love it so much that he and Sebas (from Overlord) are friends in Isekai Quartet. I want to see Wilhelm gushing about his wife and Sebas gushing about Tuare to each other.

As was typical, there were few that Emilia could count on, and she had enemies numbering beyond reason. In such circumstances, who would take her side without some kind of ulterior motive?

The answer was no one. After all, there was nobody currently at her side who would be her staunch ally.

She had left behind the one who would have.

No doubt, when Emilia realized that, she would regret what she had done. That was why—

Subaru lifted his head and murmured with determination, “I’ve...got to go save her, don’t I?”

....

In the carriage, he silently let the time pass, alone.

With the exception of Rem in the driver’s seat, he was isolated in that place, unable to sense the presence of any other.

—And he never noticed the faint twisting of his lips.

Oh ho! Ominous! But in seriousness, I do like what the narration is doing throughout this book and showing how somewhat twisted Subaru is becoming, to the point that he's happy something bad might be about to happen to the woman he loves just so he'll have an opportunity to try and save her again. Or that he can't be happy that Otto approves of Emilia trying to become king, because at the moment he sees his value as being the "only" person truly on her side; a mindset that's threatened by others who believe in her. Subaru, I believe, is a good guy, but obsession and entitlement can easily turn a good man bad. And yes, I am thinking of Star Wars.

I think I remember seeing fanart that made fun of how little of season 1 Otto was in.

All at once, the figures faced Subaru and reverently bowed their heads to him.

“—Ah?”

Subaru’s brain was unable to process the scene before him.

The incomprehensible band that had emerged was paying Subaru respect for reasons unknown, and leaving him behind in his confusion, they began sliding out of sight.

Given the narration implies they went after Otto after sparing him, I'm curious what specifically they noticed about Subaru; the witch's scent or his mental state?

If he could voice the possibility that he’d lost the girl he cared for and the possibility his own heart could break, then why not offer up a sacrifice so that he wouldn’t have to?

As much as I ship Subaru and Rem, I do like this bit. Him saying Rem's name and wondering over her fate because he can't bare to think about what might have happened to Emilia. He cares about Rem but clearly it'd be easier for him to accept something terrible happening to her over Emilia. Naturally though, I do like his horror at finding Rem's dead body, the narration talking about everything he'd come to like about her and that she was just starting to like herself.

I remember in the anime the scene that scared me the most was when Subaru gets flash-frozen. Obviously being frozen that much would kill you but this is a world of magic, so for all I knew it was going to be a Medusa situation (only with ice instead of stone) and Subaru wouldn't be able to RBD because he technically wasn't alive. It's a weird sensation, feeling relieved as you watch a man's body shatter like glass.

Thanks to Rem’s tireless efforts, the store had sold its merchandise nicely, and the shopkeeper, in quite high spirits, seemed inclined to give them a souvenir. He was asking how many abbles Subaru wanted to take with him, and she remembered him answering, “How ’bout all of ’em?”

The very next moment, his demeanor abruptly changed, and he fell limply onto the street. When Rem sat him up, he seemed so overcome by sadness and tears of joy that he kept laughing.

Beyond his own constant deaths and seeing the deaths of everyone he loves, the thing I felt the most sorry for Subaru for is how his RBD looks to everyone else. For us the audience we know what he's been through but for them it must look like he's either a whiner or completely crazy, with only his harsh emotional state giving them any reason to believe anything is actually wrong and that he's not just fragile.

So is it because the witch cult attacked her village that Rem is so sensitive to the scent of the witch or is it something else about her? Because she says even Ram can't catch the smell like she can, so I'm assuming it's not just a demon thing (though I suppose Ram doesn't have her horn, so maybe it could be), and she even says very few beings can detect the presence in general.

There are even more good parallels between Subaru and Rem in this book, but also some nice contrasts that come with them. She also wants Subaru all to herself and is jealous of all the others in his life, like he's starting to be with Emilia, but she keeps herself from being too possessive over him, even finding a lot of things she likes in his relationships with others. She even toys with the idea of running away with him, which I like given what I assume is going to be happening next volume. It's something she's considered and wanted even before Subaru's offer and shows that such a thing is very tempting for her. But she turns herself away from the idea, both to not abandon her sister and for Subaru's own sake as well.

I do like that any issues Rem has with Emilia are not just because Subaru loves Emilia. It's a factor, certainly, but there were issues before he ever even came into the picture because of Emilia's resemblance to the Witch of Envy. Even Rem acknowledges to herself that her feelings are irrational and unfair, because Emilia herself has done nothing wrong, but the witch cult still made any connections to the witch such a personal thing to her. I helps me understand the rest of this world a little better, given how near everyone is prejudiced against Emilia because of the witch. While it's irrational, that's exactly what great pain and tragedy cause.

I think the implication with Subaru's madness wasn't necessarily that he was faking it but that he willingly dove into the madness so that he could escape from reality and was actively fighting against returning to sanity. Not only were his reactions too genuine most of the time but I feel like either Ferris or Wilhelm would have called him out if he was completely faking it. Someone besides just Petelgeuse would have noticed. His experience from the first loop caused him to crack and he chose to stay broken so that he could be pitied and not have to deal with the world anymore.

Even though their hands were together, their hearts were at opposite poles.

Subaru Natsuki’s heart was tempted far into that deep, deep, dark abyss—

Holy shit, I love that line and image.

Nothing much else to say other than that I am SO happy Subaru and Crusch's talk over drinks seems to have been before the save point, so RBD didn't erase it. She might be one of my favorite non-mansion characters so far and the small relationship the two have built I don't want to see lost.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Re_Zero/comments/gq1uao/novels_first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_5/

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 10: ...And Happiness In Private Life(cont'd)

Masterpost AO3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7  Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 9(cont'd)

I've finally updated the status of the fic to ABANDONED, I was going to do that way earlier but I didn't want to admit defeat, and then I just kind of forgot... Time really starts flying by as you get older, it totally doesn't feel like 2 years passed by^^' I'm still writing scenes for later on in the fic, and I've had the general outline of the story planned for a long time, but I haven't been able to write complete chapters for any of my projects for over a year now, it's very annoying. Anyway, this is the rest of chapter 9, not my best work but at least I like the part with Toris. He's noticed Ivan's small efforts of being nicer and wants to encourage them. Thanks for everyone who read this story and sorry for not being able to bring it to conclusion for all of you who were invested!

-

Ivan sent Fredya home until Wednesday – claiming it was so he could concentrate on work, but he was sure Fredya could tell he was just fretting about the upcoming meeting. Ivan was terrified Katyushka would get carried away, and that was closer to certainty rather than possibility, and then Fredya would walk out of his life. He had known from the start that the time would come sooner or later, but he had much hoped it would fall on the later end of the spectrum. This was a wholly different case from that of his first girlfriend - the one he had been with all of three days before Katyusha started talking about weddings. She had left him the next day, not surprisingly, and he hadn’t really cared one way or the other - she had been far too practical to occupy his thoughts when she wasn’t in sight. But if Fredya left as suddenly, and he was certainly impulsive enough to do so on the spot, then... Obviously it still wouldn’t be the end of the world,of course it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, losing a home for example would be far worse than losing a companion, it really wasn’t that big of an issue when you thought about it – there was no reason to lose what little will to live Ivan had left over something that insignificant. No reason.

So Ivan would not worry about it – he slammed the door on the thought, and worked hard to put all his concentration on his notes. He had not yet studied Rogers enough, his files on the computer had sat abandoned for too long. Opening his folder, going over the routes again, verifying time codes, Ivan fell to a comfortable, familiar routine, cup of tea beside him growing cold. Rogers didn’t have much of a routine, which made observing him a challenge and data collecting a thrill. At least this was an activity that Ivan could still lose himself in despite whatever non-turmoil was boiling in his gut. Comparing coordinates, discovering overlaps, identifying patterns, data was something Ivan was good at. Data had no emotions, so it was easy to handle. Data didn’t mind his extracurriculars, didn’t judge him for his jealousy, didn’t snoop into his past. Though it also didn’t text him at 3 am to tell him about a silly dream it had. Even less it cared about whether he was coming home for the night or not. It not wanting to watch brainless, cliched superhero should have been a positive, but in the dark, the brain gets sentimental. Ivan suddenly wished he had a file on Fredya. Ivan certainly had enough data on him, though so far it was all in his brain and a few lines in his notebooks. One photo on his phone, a selfie Fredya had sent some weeks ago. It was taken with one of those filter things, Ivan wasn’t familiar with the apps so he couldn’t tell if it was instagram or snappychat or whatever others there were. Fredya had cartoon glasses on his nose, on top of his real-life glasses. He was doing a victory sign, and there was a badly drawn pink heart floating in the lower left corner, not anchored into anything. The composition of the photo was bad. A large dead space occupied the top left, a pile of dirty clothes was poking into the frame from the bottom right. The lighting was scarcely better, the only diffuser was the dust inside the light fixture. Fredya’s artistic ability was nil, though he did make for an attractive subject, harsh shadows and all. It would be nice to have proper photo of him, before he got out of reach. With a reference to guide him, it might be possible. Ivan quickly scanned his bedroom for inspiration.

Perhaps it was too much effort for 2 a.m., but Ivan rather liked the end result. The handful of stars drawn on the wall to form a suggestion of a halo – however wrong it looked on Ivan – and hands posed to form a heart on the chest, and some minor lighting adjustments on photoshop, he thought it near perfectly captured how Ivan saw Fredya. Bright, innocent, center of the universe, unashamed of his affections. Fredya wouldn’t put as much effort in to it, even if he did take his own version of the photo as Ivan had requested, but that was also good. It wasn’t in Fredya’s nature to try too hard at something he didn’t feel like understanding - such as art other than of the moving pictures variety. Together, the photos formed a piece – the fantasy and the reality. It was a commentary on expectations. Fredya may or may not look at the photo when he inevitably got up to go the bathroom sometime soon, but he wouldn’t take his own until afternoon if ever, so Ivan finally went to bed. He only had a few hours before his shift started.

-_-_-_-_-

Fredya had sent an emoji Ivan didn’t understand the meaning as response to the photo, followed by hearts and something that seemed to be an abbreviation, Ivan didn’t research the meaning. It likely wasn’t important. Ivan got coffees for everyone again, and Amanda gave him a incredulous look. It was getting suspicious, Ivan acting nice. He should dial down on the social interactions for the next few days. It would be good practice for when Fredya left him, anyway. “Oh, thank you for going through the trouble”, Toris commented smiling. Ivan studied the smile, trying to map out proportions and gauge timings, but again he failed to replicate the gesture. It kept coming out as sarcastic. He would prefer if both would just shut up and their coffees without scrutinizing his intentions. Let a man act civil to fellow humans beings in peace. “If everyone is done sitting around, we need someone to go interview Fowler’s parishioners.” Predictably, Amanda volunteered for the task. That left Ivan and Toris at the office, reading through statements, comparing alibis and viewing security footage, the same draining and pointless sinkhole of never-ending choppy black-and-white footage that glared a print of the screen in your soul, so that in the end when you lost everything else to dementia and cataracts, you would still see that stinging bright rectangle staring you in the eye, smirking gleefully, taking pleasure in removing everything one used to take joy in, and replacing itself in place of loved ones. That metaphor ran a little wild at the end, there. In all fairness, it could be intriguing work when results could reasonably be expected, but everyone and their mother knew the only thing learned from these particular ones would be just how much time were wasting on them. Even Toris, being his professional self, couldn’t resist glancing at the clock every few minutes. He would of course try to make it inconspicuous, just letting his eyes dart to his wrist and back again, but it was noticeable enough when one was more concentrated on the coworker than the work. It came to Ivan’s mind that perhaps this was another aspect of Toris he should try to simulate, rather than keep studying, his work ethic was excellent. Surely that was something most people would approve of. And Fredya did often complain Ivan was rather lackadaisical about his work, he would appreciate the effort. “How do stay so focused?” he asked sincerely. It was admirable, really, how Toris could throw himself at something so tedious. Toris blinked at him in confusion, probably surprised to see his colleague who was supposed to working beside him blatantly ignoring said work. “I’ve practiced it for years, there’s really no easy trick for it.” “Ah. Shame.” “I find that meditating regularly helps. And a good diet.” Well, that was already two things Ivan would not be trying out. “I could send you some articles  if you’d like.” “You should spend your free time on yourself. You work too much.” Ivan went idly back to his files, not really feeling like working, but deciding to at least give it a shot, but feeling Toris’ curious eyes still fixed on him was too much of a distraction. After several seconds of silence he couldn’t take it anymore. “Yes?” “Thank you. That was considerate of you.” Ivan didn’t know how to answer that. It had been such a banal thing to say. Not warranting any response, really. Just a stock phrase, however true of some people and situations - such as this particular specimen. Toris must have heard the exact same statement hundreds of times in his life, knowing that he had an actual social circle who cared for him. Ivan was outside that circle, and people rarely care for the things outsiders say in matters like these - surely Toris should feel nothing particular about anything Ivan said. There was no need for him to smile like that, it was just embarrassing for a grown man to get so giddy about faint praise. Ivan scoffed and went back to his work.

-_-_-_-_-

U maek a habot of drawning on walls huh Outside of his brief childhood, Ivan had only ever drawn on walls three times - once in a drunk, misguided bout of creative frenzy, once to write his number on an intriguing man’s wall to annoy him, and once in an attempt to save a relic of happier times for the future. Mostly when you are involved, it seems. Perhaps you are my muse for wall-related artistry It had been a while since Ivan had drawn a portrait, but now might be the time to dust off that skill set. Ivan considered himself more of a photographer, but there was also something appealing about creating from scratch. Although... he would need to keep the portrait hidden, it would raise questions and pity later on. Ivan wished he was better at abstraction, that way it wouldn’t look like Fredya to anyone else, but his mind seemed to be too observational for it. It could only make sense of things that connected together in realistic ways, it couldn’t create anything out of feelings alone. Perhaps he simply didn’t have enough of them for that kind of art. The dinner with Fredya and his sisters was a few hours away, but Ivan was already nervously ironing his clothes. He once again pleaded Katyusha to control her romantic impulses, and of course she promised, but Ivan knew that meant little. She had very bad self-control. Tasha’s picking me up, we’ll meet you there Natasha was coming? Nataliya was coming?! Fuck - what was she - this was bad news - why hadn’t she said - oh god, forget about Katyusha ruining everything if Nataliya Grigorova was coming! She never mentioned wanting to come along That sneaky little girl, she told me you said it was okay, haha He would not survive this night sober. He wanted to make a good impression. He did not want to be drunk when the only three people who mattered to him were all in the same room. He wanted to be fully conscious, to enjoy an outing with his family while being fully genuine, not just sedated into calmness. But lord knew he would not survive the night sober.

-_-_-_-_-

Remembering the fit Fredya had thrown the last time Ivan had driven not-strictly-drunk-but-also-not-sober, he was glad that they had arranged beforehand for Fredya to pick him up. Because he was observant in the most inconvenient ways, Ivan had been sure Fredya would notice something was off, maybe a smell or the slow movements to counteract the unsteady hand-to-eye-coordination, but fortunately he was too stoked about meeting Ivan’s sisters again, officially, to notice Ivan’s oddly calm demeanor. He babbled excitedly the whole way there, and was halfway across the street before Ivan had even fully exited the car. “Come on you snail! They’re gonna think we ditched them!” “It’s only a few minutes away, you can afford to slow down”, Ivan chuckled. Fredya was so adorably excited, he resembled a puppy on a walk. “Being overeager is as bad as being late.” “Beg to disagree! Pick up the pace slowpoke!” Fredya sped up ahead, Ivan kept his leisurely pace. He missed the re-introductions, but it seemed like he hadn’t been needed for those at all - Fredya and Katyushka already looked like old friends, while Tasha regarded him with a haughty look, but nary a nasty word. She raised an eyebrow at Ivan, as if saying really, you chose this clown over me?, and he simply smiled pleasantly at her. As they waited for their food to arrive, Fredya and Katyushka were unsurprisingly the only ones to hold up conversation. They had found a common ground in Star Trek - in that Katyusha had heard a lot about it, but had never watched an episode and was interested, and Fredya was an expert in all the series and films and liked talking about them. They went through the pacifistic ideas on the original series and how it sometimes contradicted itself on it, analyzing the casting choices for the remakes, some more things that Ivan had no interest in.  When their plates were brought, the were in the midst of trying to speak klingon - the attempts of both of them were saddeningly hilarious. Or perhaps they were both surprisingly accurate. Ivan had no way of knowing, the franchise being something he had never taken an interest in. Of course he liked space, but he was more fact-oriented than a fan of fanciful fiction. “You seem so young, it’s almost like you’re still in college”, Katyusha giggled, and Ivan could not agree more. The youthful energy Fredya exuded was refreshing, at least most of the time. “Never went to college, I went straight to work from high school”, Fredya explained, crumbs flying. That was the one habit that Ivan never found charming in Fredya, it was just plain disgusting. Tasha made a small chortle of contempt that passed Fredya by. “Our brother is a very intelligent man”, Tasha commented sharply, and Ivan knew exactly what she was going for – he had come to the same conclusion, himself. And truthfully, neither of them had been wrong - Fredya really was stupid. ��Oh, tell me about it”, the insulted man chuckled, not understanding what was being implied. Ivan would have liked being able to defend Fredya, but the thing was that Fredya was not intelligent – intellectually or socially, and attempting to claim otherwise would have been pointless. He might have been considered smart in some useless areas, such as entertainment trivia, but faint praise is just as damning as admitting faults. Trivia! There was the opening Fredya needed to impress Tasha! “He has a master’s degree in movie trivia and celebrity gossip, if nothing else. Just give an actor’s name and he will tell you every movie they have ever been in.” “And not just that! I can also tell which year each movie came out!” Fredya exclaimed proudly. Ivan started with an easy one - Tom Cruise. Tasha did look reluctantly impressed as the titles and dates kept on coming, but refused to admit defeat. She tried her favorite actor, someone much more obscure. “Ken Foree?” “Hmm… The midnight man, 2017… Rift, dark side of the moon 2016, Cut slash pri- no wait, I think he was in Divine tragedies, 2015, Cut slash print 2012 –“ However, since

Tasha’s obsession with her brother refused to give way to respect for her perceived enemy, she realized that to claim victory she could simply ask about any non-American film star. “Anastasia Zavorotnyuk.” “Anastasia who?” Of course he pronounced the name the American way, but Ivan was still mildly impressed he could tell Анастасия and Anastasia were the same name. “Zavorotnyuk.” Tasha allowed herself a malevolent smirk as Fredya racked his brain for the name in vain. “A true expert wouldn’t limit himself only to Hollywood”, Tasha hmphed in triumphant malice, believing to have proved her superiority over him once and for all, despite not showing an ability to counter his. It seemed the point had only been to prove Fredya was not omniscient. In Ivan’s eyes, it was enough to be merely well-versed. “He does hate subtitles to the point where I thought he might be illiterate”, Ivan joked. “Hey, at least I speak the language of the country I live in!” “Verily, my darling, thou speakest with the most biting of tongues. Shakespeare himself would envy your prowess.” “The guy lived like hundreds of years ago, who gives a shit? Ivan Drago was famous in the 80’s.” “Ivan can sound almost native when he tries”, Katyusha said, trying to diffuse the argument, not knowing the workings of their relationship well enough to tell it was all said in jest. “I haven’t tried in years, I doubt I could anymore”, Ivan thought. He had tried training his accent away in high school, so he would sound less foreign in job interviews. Having a foreign name was bad enough in an application. He had never achieved a smooth, natural accent, he had to concentrate very hard which caused the words to come out very slowly and robotically, and still there was always a hint of foreign phonemes. Combined with his attempts to deepen his voice – an incredibly embarrassing failure on its own – had made him cringe, even back then. Tasha had encouraged him, of course, because in her mind anything and everything her dear brother did was the right decision. Excluding taking romantic interest in someone other than her, of course.

The rest of the evening went by in much the same fashion. Fredya and Katyusha got along swimmingly, Tasha made snide remarks about Fredya, Ivan defended him in mean ways, Fredya played along. It was all very pleasant. Finally the staff started dropping hints that it was time to vacate the table, so they got up and parted ways. Katyusya was enchanted enough to not wait long enough to be out of earshot before starting to gush about her baby brother’s relationship, which made for a perfect opening for eavesdropping. “Don’t you think Vanechka looks so much happier than usual?” Katyusya said, nearly clapping her hands in excitement. “Idiocy might be contagious”, Tashenka grumbled in response. “I never imagined he’d go for that type, but I guess it goes to show opposites really do attract!” Katyushka squeed. “It’s only for the moment. That American moron will start getting on Vanya’s nerves soon”, Tashenka claimed, not sounding too confident herself. Ivan had expected that to happen as well, in the beginning. “I hope he won’t, I think Alfred is good for Vanechka. He’s come out of his shell.” What did she mean by that? As far as Ivan was aware, he had never been shy around his sisters. Or other people, for that matter. “What’re you frowning about?” Fredya asked. “I’m eavesdropping. Katyusha likes you, and Natasha doesn’t despise you.” “Well that’s good news isn’t it?” Fredya smiled, and tried to hear the women. “Man, you got great hearing. I can’t hear them at all.” Yes, it did take some practice to achieve Ivan’s level of spying on other people’s conversations. And by then they had gotten far enough that Ivan couldn’t hear then anymore either, actually. “Your eardrums must be damaged from the all screeching you do.” “You’re walking home, asshole.”

-

Tasha + Katyushka = affectionate nicknames for Nataliya and Yekaterina. Tashenka + Katyusya = one level more intimate. Ivan is being drunk and sentimental so at the end of the evening, the way he feels about his sisters is something like most people do when seeing tiny kittens. Thanks again for reading! Maybe in like 10 years so I'll add a final "chapter" describing the rest of the plot, but I know myself and won't make any promises. I have some more snippets on the masterpost if anyone wants to frustrate themselves with a story that will never be finished.

[spaztronautwriter]

Unexpecting: Part 3 (an Olicity fic)

A/N: This is the third and final part of the Unexpecting verse. Big thanks to @ham4arrow for reminding me it still needed an ending! I hope you enjoy it!

###

“Look at you two,” the obnoxiously cheerful, and equally obnoxiously skinny, Lamaze coach crooned as Oliver helped Felicity to her feet.

How dare she be so… so… energized when Felicity felt like she needed to take an eighteen hour nap? Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile, telling herself it wasn’t this bubbly brunette's fault that she felt exhausted whale all the time. It was just the miracle of birth.

And what a miracle it was. This baby had a habit of kicking her in the bladder until she peed herself.

“A power couple even in Lamaze class,” the coach finished with a brilliant smile.

She felt Oliver stiffen slightly where he was still holding her elbow for support, which caused her to open her big, stupid mouth.

“Oh, we’re not a couple. Nope, just friends. Friends and co-parents. Yup.”

Oliver twitched beside her, clearing his throat, and effectively ending her mini-babble.

The woman, Miss Jane as she’d asked to be called like she was teaching kindergarten instead of Lamaze, looked between them for a moment before smiling again, though it looked a little more awkward this time around. “Well, I’m sure you guys will be great at it. I hope you’ll bring Baby back to visit once they're born!”

Felicity gave her a polite, tight lipped smile. She was ready to go home, have something to eat, and relax on the couch for a while. She’d been on her feet at work all day and then this class… She was beyond ready to call it a day.

Of course Oliver, being Oliver, smiled brightly at the woman. “Of course! Can’t believe it’s almost time.”

Miss Jane smiled back at him, and the look in her eye made Felicity clench her jaw.

“From what I can tell,” Miss Jane said, reaching out to touch Oliver’s wrist, “you’re going to be a great father. And I can’t wait to meet this little guy.” She gestured to Felicity’s stomach without looking away from Oliver. “I bet he’s going to be just as handsome as his Daddy.”

“We haven’t actually found out the sex yet—“

“Oliver,” Felicity interrupted sharply, “I’m hungry.”

“Oh.” He turned to look at her and she graced him with a, hopefully, innocent smile. “Alright. Well, thank you,” he said, turning back to Miss Jane. “It was a great class.”

Without another word, Felicity looped her arm through Oliver’s and tugged him out of the classroom.

###

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing. She was just being nice.”

Felicity gaped at him as he opened the car door for her. “A big deal—Oliver, she was batting her eyes at you.”

“It was harmless flirting. Besides you’re the one who told her we weren’t together.”

“We aren’t together!”

“I know that, but we’re not not together.”

“That’s…” Felicity flailed her hands frustratedly by her sides. “I only said that because you got weird when she called us a power couple.”

“I didn’t get weird,” he argued.

“You froze!”

“Because I knew you were about to get weird. You always do whenever anybody brings up our relationship.”

“Well, it’s complicated! And no one’s business.”

Oliver softened, reaching out to give her shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I know that. And I’m not interested in Miss Jane, just so you’re aware. I’m already very much in love with the beautiful, tech goddess who’s having my baby.”

“Oliver…”

He could be so sweet sometimes. It always made her want to forgive all the stupid things he’d done.

They’d discussed it, the mistakes he’d made—mistakes they’d both made—and she knew he hadn’t acted maliciously when he’d kept his son a secret from her. He’d explained, to the best of his ability, that he’d been scared. Scared of messing things up, scared he wouldn’t be a good father, that he didn’t deserve to be. Oliver believing he didn’t deserve good things wasn’t exactly news to Felicity, but it did go to show her that she’d been deluding herself these past months. It was just that he was so perfect most of the time and then he… wasn’t. It scared her for awhile, until she’d realized she may have been projecting some of her abandonment issues into him. Oliver wasn’t her father, and even though keeping secrets from her wasn’t ideal he only did it because he—foolishly—thought it was the right thing to do. They’d had a long talk about that and come to an agreement about what it all meant for their relationship.

It had gone better than she’d hoped it would.

Still, she wasn’t sure it was time to change their relationship status from it’s complicated to... something else. Not with this baby getting ready to pop out of her and her feeling over emotional all the time and exhausted. So, so exhausted. But soon. After the baby was—

A gush of water rushed down her legs, soaking her leggings.

“—we’re going to have to come to a decision about this sometime,” Oliver was saying as she glanced up at him in panic.

“Oliver.”

“I know, I know. I’m not rushing you—“

“Oliver!”

Finally, he looked at her, his eyes going wide as he noticed her look of pure panic. “What’s wrong?”

“I… I think my water just broke.”

###

It took Oliver maybe five minutes to drive her from their Lamaze class to the hospital. It took almost an hour after that before she was comfortably settled in a private room.

Well, maybe not comfortably…

“Just breathe, baby,” Oliver muttered from beside her bed.

As if it were that easy.

She could kill him. She really could.

“We are never having sex again!” she roared through a contraction.

The nurse, a grey haired woman, snorted from where she was writing something on Felicity’s chart. “Don’t worry. They all say that.” She glanced up and gave Felicity a warm smile. “Dr. Cochran is just cleaning up. She’ll be in in a few minutes to check on you.”

Felicity took a deep breath, trying to relax as the contraction passed. The nurse left, leaving her with a guilty looking Oliver.

“Are you alright?” he asked softly, and suddenly she felt awful.

“Yeah. It just sucks, that’s all. I’m sorry.”

Oliver reached out, brushing her sweaty hair off her forehead. “I’m sorry it hurts. I’d do anything to take the pain away. Are you sure you don’t want the drugs—“

“No.” She shook her head. “I can do it without them.”

He brushed a hand over her hair again, smiling sweetly. “I know you can. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Tears caught in her eyelashes and she sniffled. “I love you.”

It was the first time she’d said that in… awhile. She watched the words hit him like a ton of bricks before he shot her a watery smile.

“I love you, too.”

He leaned in to chastely brush his lips against hers, but she pulled him in, needing more than just a fleeting kiss. She needed all of him. Needed to know he was hers and that he always would be. He responded eagerly, as if he needed her just as much.

They only pulled away when another contraction hit her. He coached her through it, just like they’d learned in Lamaze class. He held her hand and she squeezed his back so tightly that he, the Green Arrow himself, actually winced at her vice-like grip.

“Oliver?” she panted as soon as the contraction ended. “Marry me?”

His mouth fell open and he gaped at her for a long moment, before a startled laugh ripped from his throat. “Yes,” he wheezed, grinning down at her. “Whenever you want.”

“How ‘bout right now?”

“Now… what?”

"Call me sentimental,” she said with a shrug, “but I just really want to be married to you before this baby is born."

“Felicity…”

And she knew what he was thinking. That she was letting her emotions get the best of her. That the pain was making her crazy. And maybe it was. But if she knew anything at all it was that she wanted to be married to this man for the rest of her life.

"This baby… It won't fix us. I know that. So we'll just have to do it ourselves. I mean, we already have been. And I know we'll have more problems, we'll fight, but… You're the best friend I've ever had, Oliver, and the love of my life and if I'm going to spend the rest of that life with anyone it’s going to be you. It's the only thing that makes sense. So will you marry me?"

“Yes.”

No doubt. No hesitation. Just a simple yes and a blinding smile that she was sure she’d remember for the rest of her life.

He leaned down to kiss her again, but before she could get lost in the feeling of his lips against hers, a familiar voice greeted them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I heard you two were about to have a baby.”

Felicity broke away from Oliver to see her OBGYN standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. Dr. Cochran was a lovely woman, only a few years older than her, but she had an incredibly calming effect on Felicity whenever they spoke. It was one of the reasons she’d gone with the young doctor in the first place.

Dr. Cochran quickly examined Felicity, making sure everything looked good, and announcing that it wouldn’t be much longer. That was both a relief—because her mother had never let an opportunity pass to remind her of how she’d been in labor for thirteen hours and in contrast an hour and a half labor seemed like a gift—and terrifying. Was she ready for this baby? Was she ready to be someone’s mother? And she’d just asked Oliver to marry her. They wouldn’t have enough time now…

“Does this place have, like, a rabbi or a priest or something?”

Dr. Cochran paused, clearly not expecting the question. “The hospital has a chaplain, yes.”

“Good, good. Can you get them up here, please?”

The doctor glanced between her and Oliver, nodding her head. “Of course.”

“Felicity?” Oliver asked as soon as they were alone again.

“Marry me,” she said again, causing Oliver to laugh, though it was more amused than startled this time.

“I think I already answered that question,” he teased.

“Is this crazy?” She was pretty sure it was nuts, but…

“Yes. But I’m in if you are.”

And that was all the answer she needed.

###

The chaplain, it turned out, was with another patient, and wasn’t able to get to them for another twenty minutes.

Twenty minutes of pure torture as her contractions came closer and closer together. Dr. Cochran had come back into the room wearing gloves and a face mask, like she was fully prepared to deliver the baby right then, but Felicity was holding out.

“Felicity,” the doctor said, “you need to start pushing.”

“No! Not yet. I’m not ready yet.”

Oliver held her hand, his thumb brushing gently over her knuckles. “Honey...”

“Felicity, this baby doesn’t care if you’re ready. It wants out.”

Just then there was a knock at the door and Felicity turned to see a young man with curly brown hair standing in the doorway. He wore a button down shirt and slacks, a white collar around his neck like you see on priests in movies.

“Someone called for a chaplain?” he asked, taking in the scene before him with wide eyes.

“Oh, thank god.” She sighed in relief. “Come in.”

Following her lead, Oliver turned to the priest. "Will you marry me and my... my fiancé? She's pregnant."

“I noticed that,” the man said, then shook his head. “Do you have a license? It won’t be legal if you don’t—“

“Doesn’t matter!” Felicity said through gritted teeth as she tried to breathe through another contraction.

“We’ll take care of that later,” Oliver assured him.

“Alright, guess we should make it quick then.” He started to say a prayer Felicity had never heard before, but was quickly interrupted by Dr. Cochran.

“Sorry, Father, but you’re going to have to be a little quicker than that.”

The chaplain looked flustered for a moment, but quickly regained his composure, turning toward Oliver. “Do you…?”

“Oliver!” Felicity supplied.

“Do you, Oliver, take…?”

Felicity was too busy trying to control her breathing to respond, so Oliver replied with a soft, “Felicity.”

“Do you take Felicity as your lawful wife to have and to hold, from this day forward, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"

“I do.”

Tears streamed down Felicity’s face and only some of them were from the pain of childbirth.

“Felicity?” the chaplain started, cautiously. “Do you take Oliver as your—“

Another contraction hit her so hard that she had to start pushing. And it hurt. Dear god, it hurt. But Dr. Cochran was there, along with a few nurses, quietly and calmly cheering her on.

“Felicity,” Oliver breathed in amazement, brushing her hair out of her face.

“Yes! Yes!” She gritted out. “I do!”

“Come on, Felicity!” Dr. Cochran encouraged. “Another big push.”

She could barely concentrate enough to hear the chaplain pronounce them husband and wife, but she felt Oliver bury his face in her hair. She heard him whispering, “I love you,” over and over again.

She heard their baby cry as she finally came into the world.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt.87

Mami seemed happy to be getting out of the nursing home for the afternoon. Lance was happy to have here there, as Keith and Krolia hadn’t spoken... Krolia waited by the car, while he and Keith had headed in to see Mami. Sitting up in the activities area, his mother’s face lit up as they walked in to a fresh bout of whispers about them. Keith managed to get himself groped, by one of his mami’s friends, his poor boyfriend didn’t know what to do other than blush.

When Keith and Lance had gone home to change, Krolia had too. Now dressed in a loose black shirt and jeans, the woman didn’t look capable of having a 26 year old son. Lance could only assume Keith took after his father, but that family had some good genetics. Leaning against her red sedan, Krolia smiled as they approached, Lance very carefully elbowing his mother, desperate for things to go well

“Hey, Mami. Your walker matches Krolia’s car”

His Mami nodded, Lance happy she remembered him saying that Keith’s mother was joining them today

“Red does go faster”

“That’s what they say”

“I reckon I could take her with my walker”

Lance groaned

“Mami, you can’t race every red car in Platt, I’d never see you”

“One of the perks of being old, everybody never expects it. I could take’m”

“For now can you at least try to be nice to Krolia and not fight her for her car”

“Phooe. Let me have my fun”

Lance sighed again, shooting Keith a defeated look. Keith wasn’t exactly smiling yet seemed in a better mood with Miriam around

“Yes, Mami”

*

Keith felt like he didn’t belong at church with Lance and Miriam. He didn’t understand why Krolia had come with them, nor what she was getting out of being there. Lance and Miriam both knew what was going on, what the Bible verses seemed to mean and what the priest was on about. Unlike in the movies there was no singing of hymns, and unlike Rome, the service was conducted in English rather than Italian. For the most part Keith let his mind wander and tried not laugh at the idea of a vampire in a church. There was no way you’d get James into one, though with how much of a dick he was, he’d probably burst into flame. Keith wasn’t sure he could believe in god with all he’d experienced, but he wasn’t about to judge people for their faith. Not unless they were using it to be arseholes. Miriam seemed happy, that being the main thing, and so far his mother hadn’t been too weird.

The drive hadn’t been awkward for him at least, he and Lance were in the back where they could hold hands as Miriam and Krolia talked. They seemed to have hit it off, chatting back and forth, his mother smoothly skipping or changing topic when Miriam seemed to get a bit confused. Lance added a thing or two to the conversation, Keith remaining quiet. The words never came easily around his mother, and he other things on his mind like the way Lance vampired out with Lotor, and that he was going to have to play the role of pet again. He couldn’t ask for a better “owner” than Lance, because Lance didn’t see him as a pet. He had confidence in Lance that he didn’t have in Krolia. That’s what it came down to.

When the service ended, Miriam and Lance stayed a little longer, Keith excused with a gentle smile from Lance that tugged at his heart. Waiting for them near Krolia’s car, he soon realised his mistake when his mother approached. Sensing he was on the defence, she raised her hands in surrender

“I’m not here to pick a fight”

“I didn’t say you were”

Krolia moved to lean against her car, Keith didn’t know why she smiling but it annoyed him

“I’ll go wait near the door...”

The smiled faded, something he didn’t know clouded her expression

“Keith... Look... I don’t want to fight. You’re my son... I know it wasn’t there when you needed me to most... but I never stopped loving you. There hasn’t been a single moment since I found out about you, that I haven’t loved you”

What was that supposed to mean? She wasn’t there. She wasn’t there for any of it, and when she was, she didn’t have time for him

“Right... that’s why I’ve proven repeatedly to be nothing but a disappointment. I know how you feel, mum, you don’t need to keep up the lie of caring”

“You’re not a disappointment”

Keith sighed. He didn’t know how to do this

“This is a bad idea...”

“I’ve wanted to talk to you... You left without saying goodbye... Keith, I know... I know I wasn’t the mum you needed, and I know you think I don’t care but I do. I always have. I’ve always been proud of you. I never wanted this life for you. I wanted you to grow up free from it all...”

“You mean you don’t want me to date Lance”

Krolia stretched back against her sedan

“I didn’t say that at all. Lance is... He wouldn’t be my first choice for you, but this is your life. He brings out something in you that I wish I could. He makes you happy”

“I don’t understand what you want from me”

“I want to know you. I want to be part of your life and not hearing from Shiro the things you like and how you are. I’ve wanted to be part of your life since before Shiro brought you in”

“That’s why you’ve ignored me for years”

“I never wanted to ignore you. I know you hate me. I know you don’t forgive me for not being there. I truly believed you’d be safer with your father. I loved both of you so much... It broke my heart when he died, but I couldn’t take you with me. I wanted you to have a good life... I wanted you to grow up normally and be happy. You... You are son and I... I love you. I know you think I’m here for work, but I applied for mission lead here to see you. When we first got reports on Lance, I sent you here because I thought you and Shiro would be safe after what happened with Adam. Coran’s been running this place for years and I was never blind to how you were treated. I never knew you’d fall in love with a vampire. Not after what happened with Adam. Lance has been good for both you and Shiro”

“Lance has gone through hell because of me and Shiro... He had his whole life ruined because his brother reported him. He refuses to say anything about it because he seems to think his brother has a right to be a dick”

“He seems quite smart”

“You mean smarter than your son who didn’t graduate high school”

Krolia sighed deeply, stepping away from the car and moving so she was standing in front of him

“No. I know you’re hurting and angry. But Keith, I don’t know how to tell you what you want to hear. Leaving you broke my heart. You... You never knew but I never once stopped thinking of you. I sent money because I... I couldn’t have you caught up in this life so I wanted you to have the best. I know it was a mother’s dream, but I truly prayed you’d be taken care of and that someday we could be together again. You are not a disappointment. You being with Lance... I support it because I can see your happiness. I can see how he looks at you. He sees you. He sees more than those stupid rumours. He sees who you are. You’ve never disappointed me. Even if you don’t believe me, I want you to believe that”

Keith felt flustered. He didn’t know what he felt. Lance would have understood. He would have happy they were talking... but Keith... He couldn’t do it. He didn’t know how to. He didn’t know how to have a mum

“Lance and Miriam are coming back. Just think about what I told you. I do love you. I did love your father. And no matter what happens, you will always be my son. I’ll drop you and Lance back at VOLTRON after this. I’ve taken enough of your time today”

Now she was saying that, Keith didn’t want her to go. The feeling was weird and foreign, stemming from his abandonment issues. It had to. He didn’t understand why he’d feel that way otherwise.

*

Dropping Mami off, Lance tried not to feel guilty about parting with her. They didn’t have time to stay, though he would have liked to. His Mami seemed to like Krolia which was a weight off his shoulders, other than the fact Keith had been off since he and Krolia both left before them. Lance needing to getting the stealing off his chest to God and his Mami spent extra time praying for their family. She didn’t need to say it out loud. She said a prayer for all their family each time they visited. Making sure she was settled in her room, Lance wanted to curl up in bed with her. Feeding his ego and letting it go a tad out of control left him feeling sick to his stomach. He hated that side of him. He hated being a nasty show off. Being rude and insulting. And he hated Keith seeing it. He’d scared him and Allura... Allura who’d seen and dealt with worse than him... She probably had been hurt by his ego being such a dick to the guy she liked... or no longer seemed to hate.

Returning to he car, Lance climbed in beside Keith, opting not to take the vacant front seat. He was hopelessly in love with Keith. Aware they were in that honeymoon phase, where everything was simply made better by being next to each other. Lance so badly for things to stay the same between them. For Keith to never wake up to the fact that he wasn’t as great as he seemed to think he was. Keith was human and now he had to dress him as a pet and not like the actual amazing human being he was. Lance didn’t like it. He’d need a new outfit, something without everyone else’s scents on it... which want taking Keith shopping... The vampire slightly scared they wouldn’t be able to find that balance between pet appropriate and offending Keith, and that Keith would judge him for having to spent money he didn’t have on a suit he’d probably only ever wear once.

“I’ll drop you boys at the front. Make sure you get receipts and then I’ll see to it you get reimbursed. Thank you for agreeing to help us out here. The fact that you know Platt and are close with Coran carries a lot of weight, even though it might not seem so”

Lance blinked, raising his gaze he found Krolia smiling at him in the rear view mirror

“Oh... it’s fine. I know I’m the enemy here, but out of control vampires is something that needs to be stopped as soon as possible”

Krolia laughed

“I’m glad you understand. We do have other vampire we could contact, but you’re nothing like them. I mean that as a compliment. You’re remarkably human”

“He is human”

Bless Keith. Always quick to jump in to defend him

“I get it. I’m sorry you had to see my ego today... that’s one side that I really hate”

“Nonsense. Did you see Lotor’s face. He never expected that from a breeder. I shouldn’t find it funny, but we Blades have quite an unusual sense of humour. Don’t let Kolivan get to you. He’s under a lot of pressure at the moment”

“I imagine so. He also seems to have his hands full with your werewolves”

“They’re very driven. They’re effective agents, though I don’t know for the life of me why there needs to be such a rift between them and the rest of the Blades”

Lance guessed that was Krolia speak for the way James and Keith acted like mortal enemies

“Ego will do that. I’m learning how to live with werewolves at the moment”

Krolia nodded

“Matt and Rieva. Rieva certainly put up a fight. Some of the Blades can be over zealous... We hadn’t wanted to apprehend her, only talk to her thanks to Shiro’s connection with Matt. She’s certainly a live wire”

“She’s more settled than Matt. They’ve kind of become part of the furniture at home”

“That’s good. Okay. Here’s where I leave you both. Lance, if you can come in early on Wednesday for briefing that’d be appreciated. Also, if you need help disgusting yourself, don’t be afraid to dress how you please. We know you don’t tend to associate with vampires, if you feel the need to completely change your image, we’ll reimburse for things including piercings and accessories. Don’t be afraid to go all out”

That didn’t sound good... a valid point seeing his looks wouldn’t be forgotten... they’d all have to be careful. Krolia parked in front of the bookshop, Keith scrambling to get his belt undone as Lance smiled politely

“Thanks, Krolia. It was nice to see you again... without being shot”

“It was nice to see you again too. If you have the time, I would love to go to dinner with you and Keith. Naturally Shiro is invited too. Please let him and see if the three of you can decided upon a time”

“Sure. Sounds good. Come on, babe. We better get this done”

Keith ignore him as he let himself out Krolia’s sedan. Lance couldn’t exactly say no to Krolia, nor could he spirit Keith away, or assist in him running from his problems. Hopefully by the time they finished shopping, his boyfriend would have figured out what was on his mind and understand that Lance wasn’t trying to pry.

[sadboyayeron]

Tapping at my Chamber Door Chapter 3

The lady.  Jennifer Hubert judging by the name on the desk plate.  Told them to sit in the chair or bench infant of her desk while she went around then in sat down.  Kevin sat in the chair directly in front of her.  Neil and Andrew took to sitting on the bench on the right side of the wall.  It wasn’t a particularly large space but it wasn’t to small to fill claustrophobic with four people inside.

“So Kevin Day, It is very nice to meet you my husband loves watching you guys play Exy,” She smiled at them and then opened a drawer in her desk pulling out two folders.  “ Now these paper were just printed out today.  One from Nikoshi’s Doctor and another from his psychologist.”  Kevin straightened his back more at that.

“Psychologist?”  She looked up at Kevin.

“Yes, a lot of children in foster care go to see a therapist.  It helps cope with abandonment and makes sure the kids are transitioning well in their new homes.”  She opened one of the folders.  “Nikoshi saw a therapist who recommended him to a psychologist.  He was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD and given medication.  He went through three different medications before he was put on Focalin XR.  His biggest issues are impulsivity, managing feelings, and energy.  There is more information in the folder with getting the prescription at a pharmacy and things to know about his behavior.  He takes Focalin every morning before school, its not needed on the weekends but to long off it isn’t the best idea.  Though if you want him off the medication, if you ever come to adopting him you can do that.”  She looked towards the other two. “Will you two be helping take care of Nikoshi.”

“Yeah we are, is there anything else we need to know.  If he needs a therapist we already got that covered.  We can send her the information.”  Neil replied with a bored tone but 

“Thats good to know, he just saw the doctor last week.  He gained some weight and is now at a more healthier weight then he was before.”  She sighed. “You have to reminded him to eat, he forgets to and he doesn't ask for food.  The foster home he was just at was good with keeping a schedule, he ate, took his meds, ate at school, had a snack at home, soccer practice and then dinner.  He gets distracted and has little habits that cause him focus to much on random things.  The meds take away his hunger also, so it important that he finishes.”  She then closed both folders and stacked them together before sliding them to Kevin.  

Kevin didn’t know how to process that.  This information sounded to familiar.  He always had to remind Riko to eat something.  Riko would go days without eating, or sleeping, or even both.  It got so bad the master had to tube feed him because he past out and didn’t get back up.  Niko always got back up.  He was taken out of his thoughts when the lady, Jennifer stood.  He picked up the folders and got up following Andrew and Neil out the door.  Nikoshi was still sitting in his chair, he was singing his legs slowly and seemed fixated on his hands.

“Nikoshi, these gentlemen here are going to be your new guardians,”  Niko looked up at them.  He got a better look at there faces, now that the glasses were off he could easily recognize who the taller man was with the chess piece on his cheek bone.  He was confused o say the least.  This had to be some sick joke, or a stupid stuPID dream.  He looked at the other too, the screw that littered the red heads tan face and the man with blond hair and black studs.

“Deadass?”  He blurted out suddenly.  Fuck.  He did not mean to blurt that out.  Kevin day looked taken back by his statement and the other too snickered from slightly behind him.  The lady looked horrified.

“Nikoshi thats not how you take to people.”  She said.

“Oh, um... Sorry.”  He tried to say hoping he didn't look like a complete dumbass. “But like aren't you famous or something.”  

Kevin honestly had know idea what to say to that.  He was not prepared for any of this to begin with.  

“Come on kid we have to go to the air port, you got everything. “  Andrew glanced at the trash bag sitting next to him and felt a familiar weight on his chest.  The kid looked at his stuff and back at Andrew and nodded his head.  He grabbed it and stood up.  Andrew could see the resemblances to his trash of a father on the kids face but he could also see Nikoshi as the kid that he was.  He wanted nothing more then to protect this kid.

“Alright it was nice meeting you three and you behave Nikoshi.”  She waved at them before returning to her office.  Nikoshi tried to wave back but he kept his hand close to his side still.  The red head, Neil Josten gave him a small smile and told him to follow then to there rental car.  They went ahead of him but Kevin kept looking back.  When they got in the car Neil was sitting in the back with him. Niko sat behind Kevin while Neil was behind Andrew.  Andrew turned to look at Niko while Kevin pulled out of the parking lot.

“You hungry?”  he asked.  Niko realized he never got to eat breakfast, Kris usually made sure he did because she was told to make sure he stayed at healthy weight.  He was about to say he hadn’t eaten yet but a quick glance at the clock in the front told him it was already 1:14pm.  Instead he shrugged.  He wasn’t hungry, but he also knew that the meds took away his hunger and he should probably eat something.  “Is there anything you would want to eat.”  Yes.  Bacon egg and cheese sandwich.  He didn't voice that though he just shrugged his shoulders again.  Andrew Minyard sighed before looking at Kevin.

“Umm, why don’t we find something at the air port, we haven’t eaten since breakfast so we could eat.”  Kevin told him.  they made eye contact through the mirror but Kevin quickly averted his eyes.  

“Okay.”

Niko decided he did not like Airports. They were overly crowded, had to many security guards, and once they got to the the area with food he did not like that the smells of different foods.  Kevin got him a suitcase where just stuffed his trash bag where he stuffed his trash bad inside of.  He tended to stay close of all three of them but stayed slightly behind.

“Alright Nikoshi, pick a place you want to eat.”  He did not like this.  There was a lot of places to eat.  A lot of places he has never been.  A lot of food he hasn’t tried.  He did not like this choice that was given to him.  When Kevin noticed he wasn’t going to answer his question he sat his eyes on Niko.  Niko did not like this either.  Couldn’t they just pick for him.  He shrugged his shoulders.  Neil and Andrew weren’t surprised but Kevin seemed irritated with him.  He didn’t want to come off as irritating he really didn’t know.  “Thats not an answer.”  He knew that wasn’t an answer but it was the only one he had.  He worried his bottom lip between his teeth and moved his feet side to side nervously.

“Cafe con leech and strawberry pop tarts.”  Niko blurted.  Kevin was bout to say something else but Neil cut him off pointing to a 7/11 that was right next to them on the left.  Kevin didn't like the idea of giving a 10 year old coffee but went with it when Andrew flicked him a look.  Neil grabbed the pop-tarts while Niko followed Andrew and Kevin to make the coffee.  Andrew asked him how he liked it. “Half filled coffee with two spoons of sugar...No it needs to be even with the spoon.  Yes.  And the other half almost all milk and the vanilla creamer for taste.  Yay!”  

This kid is getting excited about Andrew doing his coffee how he likes it, what the hell.  This better not be a coffee addiction he is feeding.  He handed the coffee to the kid ignore Kevin's little frown.  This was the first time he saw the kid smile, besides it wasn’t even that much coffee.  The kid probably just likes the taste of it.  They went to the register meeting Neil who had the pop tart, fruit bowl, chocolate bar, and a sandwich.  Andrew could guess who's was who's.

As they sat in the chairs near where there plain was supposed to be in thirty minutes, Nikoshi swung his legs back and forth as he took off the crust around the pop-tart first.  Siping his coffee after two pieces.  Then he eat the rest of the pop-tart, took a big gulp and did the same thing with the next pop-tart.  Kevin found this behavior odd and familiar.  “Why are you eating it like that.”  Ovisuly was the wrong ting to say because Nikoshi stopped all movement.  He looked at Kevin and shrugged.  The shrugging again.

“I don’t like the criss to I eat it first and like the drink the cafe at the same time so I get all the flavors.  But I don’t like mixing the strawberry with it so I eat that last and then drink more.  My foster mom always gave me Cafe con leche and pop-tarts.”  Niko wasn’t in the mood to eat anymore.  Now he was thinking about it and he didn't want to.  He only had a little bit left and knew he had to finish it or else it would be wasting.

Kevin you are a ass.  He watch Nikoshi shove the rest into his mouth and then chew ever so slowly while looking around.

“Nikoshi have you done any sports.”  Neil leaned forward to look at Niko from where he sat next to Andrew to get a better look at the kid.  Niko looked at Neil and nodded.  He told them about being on the soccer team.  Kevin made a face to that and Andrew gave a tiny smirk.  He explained how he was supposed to be right wing, which is like a midfielder that can play both offense and defense and assist the striker or can shoot in the goal.  He was supposed to be a right wring but he coach always switched him around the field.  He played striker a lot too.  He was the fasts on the time.  Neil smiled at that.  Kevin thought about how good he would be at sexy with his father and mothers genes and quickly tried to shut the thought down.  Nikoshi also explained how he played basketball and baseball for fun with some kids in the area.

Soon it was time to bored the plain.

(So I don't know if Im going to continue writing like this, Ideas pop up randomly so I might just stick to doing that)

This is possibly the last chapter but Im still going to be talking about Niko.  Send me asked about him if you want.

[luccislegs]

Hello, can i request a scenario for Luffy please? The plot is what if she got drunk because of Zoro tell her she lost their bet about he knows her feeling towards Luffy, in the middle of bickering against Zoro, Luffy shows up asking what they talk bout, Zoro wanna tease her but she choose to kiss Luffy after that is up to you hehehe thank you very much hope my plot doesnt confuse you

awe i love luffy. the way his eyes sometimes go blank makes me laugh bc it’s clear all that’s going on back there is the theme to halloween. like, you know he’s about to go commit murder.

warnings for alcohol consumption and stupid things done under the influence. nothing bad, i promise. just potentially embarrassing stuff.

–

You knew it was a bad idea to drink with Zoro. You never had a prayer of outdrinking him. What was an even worse idea was agreeing to a bet.

The bet. The one where you would confess to Luffy if you lost. In your defense, you were already drunk when he brought it up. You had an excuse for being stupid.

Unfortunately, Zoro wouldn’t let you cop out. You would swear that man had alcohol for blood, as you had never actually seen him drunk. That was besides the point at this point, though.

Instead, you were attempting to weasel your way out of this.

“A bet’s a bet, _____,” he said, guzzling down another mug of rum. You would swear he was just rubbing it in at this point.

You had tapped out six mugs ago, after you stood up and nearly blacked out. “Look, moss-for-brains, I can’t technically consent. I’m drunk. You took advantage of that. So I don’t think I should have to go through with it.”

Zoro snorted into his mug, coughing a little into it. He came out with his chin dripping, still giving you a smirk. “We weren’t agreeing to have sex. We made a bet. So that doesn’t mean shit,” he said, setting the empty cup on the table. He wasn’t going to let you off so easily. He was tired of watching you dance around Luffy, and knew without a doubt that your confession would be happily accepted.

You refused to see that though, so he had had to resort to this ridiculous show.

“You better go find him, _____. Maybe I’ll tell him for you, and who knows how much I might embarrass you,” he said, and watched you bristle immediately.

“Don’t you dare,” you snarled, narrowing your eyes at him. You absolutely believed him when he said he would. He had no qualms about embarrassing you, or anyone else for that matter. “Fine, but I’m not happy about it,” you grumbled and stood from the table.

He only shrugged, lifting another drink to his lips, when his eyes widened and he smirked. “Looks like you won’t have to search too hard.”

You froze as the door at your back creaked open, turning your head just enough that you could peek over your shoulder. The action made small black dots fill your vision, but you could still recognize that distinctive red vest. When you turned fully to face him, you were surprised to see an uncharacteristic frown on his face, his eyes flicking between you and Zoro in suspicion.

Had you been more clear headed, you might have known what it meant, but you weren’t, so you didn’t. Instead, you just stood there, wondering how much he had actually heard. The alcohol made you paranoid, and you looked back to Zoro for help.

He just sat there, still smirking in amusement, and waved.

“Uh, hey, Luffy,” you said, smiling awkwardly. Oh man this was too hard. It had to be obvious that you were hiding something now. He may be an idiot, but he was oddly astute when he wanted to be.

Apparently, this was one of those times he wanted to be.

“What were you guys talking about?” he asked, settling down in the chair you had just abandoned.

“Oh,” Zoro said, feigning a friendly smile, “_____ here was just talking about how she was gonna come look for you. She had something she wanted to tell you.”

Luffy turned to you at that, waiting expectantly. “Well, I’m here. What did you want?” That frown was really starting to concern you.

“Er, well…” How in the world were you supposed to sound coherent when your head was spinning so badly?

“We made a bet earlier,” Zoro said, staring at you over the rim of his cup. You pinned him with a deadly stare, wishing he would just disappear before he could embarrass you further. “If I could outdrink her, she would have to–”

“Okay, okay, fine,” you said, throwing your hands up in defeat. Words were beyond you, the only thing your mouth was capable of right now was stuttering. It was time to go for broke.

Actions always speak louder than words anyway.

Gripping Luffy’s shirt in your hands, you gently tugged, urging him to get to his feet. From your peripheral, you watched Zoro’s eyes widen, his face turning a very funny shade of red, and you smirked at him before planting your lips squarely on Luffy’s.

It only lasted for a second, just long enough to make your point, before you pulled back. You could feel heat on your cheeks, and you actively avoided looking up at your captain. “Sorry, I couldn’t think of how to say it,” you mumbled, letting go of his shirt.

Before you could put any actual distance between you too, arms snaked around your back, pulling you back.

“Do that again,” Luffy demanded, bringing one hand up to cup your cheek. Before you could decide what exactly to do, there were two consecutive slams in a row.

When you looked to Zoro, you were surprised he hadn’t just burst into flames, because his face was so red it looked like all the blood in his body was gathered there. His mug was lying on it’s side, rum spilling out across the table and falling through the cracks, and his chair was lying on it’s back, knocked over when he stood up in a rush.

“Get a room, you two,” he snapped, looking up at the ceiling, then the door, then the mess on the table. Literally anywhere but at the two of you.

“We are in a room,” Luffy bluntly pointed out. He was so black and white sometimes it was hysterical.

Zoro stuttered something incoherent out, and then the crack of the door slamming followed him exiting the room. You burst out into laughter, your head spinning so fast you would have fallen over had Luffy not been holding you up.

“_____, I think you had better go lay down,” he said, moving to put your arm across his shoulder. He lead you over to the couch across the room, because he could see you were too unsteady to make it down the ladder and to the girl’s room.

You laughed again and nodded, more or less falling onto the overstuffed cushions. Luffy fell down beside you and, when your head rolled over to look at him, he looked serious again.

“I know you’re drunk, _____, so does that mean you didn’t mean it when you kissed me?” He sounded like a worried child, watching you with puppy dog eyes like he was begging you to say no.

You reached out and covered his calloused hand with yours, turning a slight pink as you shook your head. “No, Luffy. That was actually what the bet was. If he won, I would have to come find and confess to you. Kissing you probably wasn’t the best way to go about that, though. I didn’t even know if you wanted me to,” you said, squeezing his hand. “Sorry for that.”

He shook his head in return, smiling again. “I don’t mind. I’ve…I mean…” He scratched the back of his head, knocking his hat off to the side and looking across the room. From that angle it was hard to tell, but you thought he might be blushing. “I’ve wanted to do that for while too.”

You tossed your head back and laughed again, pressing your free hand to your forehead. “We’re really ridiculous, aren’t we?”

He nodded, grinning down at you. “Yeah, we are. Can I kiss you again now?”

You snorted and reached up to cup his cheek. “Maybe not tonight. I think I want to be sober, so we can have a proper one. Besides, I think I’d fall asleep in the middle of it right now. Don’t know if I’d live that down.”

“Aw,” he whined, but didn’t press the issue. Instead, he wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you close, nestling you into his side. “You’re gonna be so sore in the morning, _____,” he teased.

He wasn’t wrong, the couch was terribly uncomfortable, but the idea of that ladder was frightening in your current state. Besides, you thought as you snuggled closer to Luffy, if you did brave the ladder, it would mean you couldn’t sleep next to him. So it was worth it.

The instant your eyes closed, you were asleep.

Well, passed out.

–

LOL sorry this took so long to answer. i’ve been writing another fanfic for lucci for my main blog, along with plotting like half a dozen more. anyway, i hope you enjoy this!

[owxanimorphs]

Before the Re-read the Animorphs

Okay before I begin my re-read this is my thoughts on the main cast based on my memory of the last times I read the books (which varies between a few months ago for some and several years for others)

Let's get the hard one out of the way first. I'll start with my thoughts on Cassie. I make no secret that Cassie is the only Animorph I actively dislike. In a way it is tragic because as I've said before Cassie had potential as a character. A character with a very black and white viewpoint and a strong desire to stick to their point of view no matter the cost being confronted with the messy nature or war could have been a gold mine for interesting story lines. Instead Cassie is cast as the voice of morality and the conscience of the group which is a role she is absolutely terrible at. Because in the end she's no more moral than the rest of them (arguably actively even less moral) and her being right is more a function of being creators pet than any real logical story progression. Things work out for her because the creators say even when it breaks the story or contradicts established facts.

In Essence everything wrong with Cassie is everything wrong with the books as a whole which makes her a pretty big example of what not to do in writing. However, even if you ignore all that and focus only her personality she is still lacking. When first introduced Cassie is your typical childish self centered idealist. She puts great value on the things she cares about and tries not to thinka bout things that contradict that view point. Then she doens't really change she's a static character.

There is one redeeming factor about Cassie that is interesting but since it was unintentional I can't give complete credit to the creators for it. Cassie is a perfect example of everything wrong with Empathy as a stand in for goodness. Cassie is actually a very empathic character but she is also a very selfish character. Once she empathises with someone they become "Good" in her mind and she'll bend over backwards to justify making decisions that would negatively effect folks she isn't empathising with. It also informs how she is determined to stay in others good graces and only fights them when she can play the martyr.  Which reminds me of my wish that David had stuck around longer and been a foil to Cassie for a while because they really are starkly similar characters in most regards except Cassie has an almost over developed sense of Empathy (to the point she can be okay with horrendous shit if she empathizes with the ones doing it) and David has almost none outside of the things he cares out.  They are both also able to manipulate people to get what they want. And they read people very well to keep in their good graces or really hurt them if they piss them off enough.

But that isn't what this post is about so to sum up my view on Cassie is that she had potential but what we got was a horrendous character and the biggest disappointment of the books.

Now let's move onto another hard one to talk about and that is Tobias. When I first read the books oh so long ago I way over identified with Tobias but then I was a messed up lonely kid so it's not that surprising. Looking back on them as an adult it flew over my head back then how utterly fucked up Tobias is. This is not a healthy kid even before he got stuck as a hawk. Tobias was clearly already borderline suicidal even before the hawk thing and afterwards it and everything else in many ways turned into a much slower long and detailed decline into an early death. Tobias hated himself so he chose to give up all humanity forever. Which brings us to the problem with Tobias and that is the narrative never acknowledges how fucked up his situation is. Sure some of the other characters come close but they never fully grasp it.Tobias is in many ways one of the other great disappointments of the books because early on they clearly drop hints that he has a major role to play in things to the point where the freaking Ellimist preserves his existence by bending space time twice once to keep him around and then to ensure the animorphs happened and then the plot line is abandoned in favor of creators pet Cassie being the most important and special.

Now I love stories where the chosen one isn't that chosen after all but that needs to be intended from the beginning when you heavily lay on the foreshadowing that this is going to be an important element you need to address it. Instead the potential story line just peters out in a way that doesn't amount to anything not even a subversion. Tobias then sticks around to be a general misery magnet and to have the most unhealthy relationship possible with Rachel.

I mean I know stories change direction in production and over time and some times that leads to better stories and some times it leads to obvious dropped plot lines and a general degrading of quality. Animorphs sadly is in the second category.  Part of it of course was the real world rush to churn out the books for Schoolastic but parts of it were clearly the writers getting a bit too enamored of their pets and how they wanted things to end.

I'm getting off topic again. My view on Tobias is that he's an interesting character and one that you can pity but man is that boy fucked up.

Now let's move onto Ax the Andalite Animorph and the other one besides Cassie and Tobias who ends up kind of one note. Ax plays an interesting role since hes alien and the books do a good job of showing an alien viewpoint. Far better in his case than many of the other aliens. It helps that he's basically a slacker alien who was a poor student and probably only got brung along on the ship because his big brother pulled some strings.  

Ax is also a prime example of another time when the potential of the story gets left by the way side. Ax's torn loyalties should have come up more than they did and should have had more lasting repercussions. Way too often he'll get reduced to joke one note status when he should be figuring into things more. I don't have much more to say about him since I really remember as liking him but thinking he was wasted several times.

And now we'll move onto Marco a character who when I first read the books annoyed the crap out of me but as I grew older grew on me a great deal. Marco is a wonderful example of a character who can be obnoxious to protect themselves and despite being the other creators pet he is allowed to actually change in ways that are both good and bad so he's not another Cassie. The fact he's even allowed to disagree with her at least temporarily and call her on her BS very rarely also helps. Marco is also very realistic in that he reacts like many people would and for a lot of folks it would take somethign that affected them personally to make them fight as hard as the kids had to end up fighting.

Of course there is still one irritating thing about Marco and that's how he's often forced into the role of the complainer is wrong some times for the others (esp Cassie) to be right. It's a role he shares wtih Rachel she'll suggest the violent solution so it can be rejected and he'll suggested the better strategic solution but it'll be rejected for being wrong.

So final thoughts on Marco slightly annoying at times but very realistic and really grows on you.

Now let's talk about Rachel and this is the character whose fate pisses me off the most. I have no problem with character death in a story but Rachel's death is treated by the creators as necessary and it bleeds into the narrative abit and that really pisses me off.  She's also unfortunately the one who gets the most chaotic characterization as depending on teh writer how aggressive she is varies. Not to mention the books that paint her as a control freak. Of course you can hand wave it as the stress getting to her in different less pretty ways but that raises it's own problems with with how the narrative treats her. She's often also used as a foil to shill for Cassie and that bugs me. She and her cousin get the most discussion of Cassie's moral superiority though everyone gets a turn on it.  

And what is really sad is that she only gets to really call out Cassie and the others very rarely even though they are some of the most satisfying moments in the entire series. She's right when she calls out that the others need her to be the blood thirsty one. She's actually someone clearly sacrificing for the greater good but the narrative treats her as a blood knight. It really pisses me off and while her relationship with Tobias isn't even remotely healthy it makes a lot of sense because the others treat her as damaged and thanks to his neediness he'll never look at her as a monster like the others tend to do to make themselves feel better.

I'll make one final observation and that's that poor Rachel may have died twice in the series the first time being the starfish incident. Cause the Rachel that was split in half would never exist again. The two Rachels may have been re-merged but they had each had time to begin to diverge so what was formed out of them would be a new Rachel. Hell a lot of her issues later in the series could have been a direct result of that and it would make perfect sense.

Final thoughts on Rachel she deserved so much better and was probably one of the more selfless animorphs but gets written off by the narrative as just a blood knight too damaged to live.

Now let's move onto Jake who is actually my favorite character. I know a lot of folks find him boring and generic at first but that's exactly why he's the character that interest me the most because even more than the others he was just a kid when this mess started. You can see the seeds of who everyone else turned out to be in who they were at the start but Jake was just a kid who was slightly more mature and better able to mediate.  That got him forced into the leadership Role and from there for good or ill that's the role he got stuck with. Like Rachel he became exactly what the others needed him to be and at times it wasn't pretty.  

I mean it's so easy to picture how the others would have turned out, Cassie would have ended up one of those activist who says a lot of good things but is very much a walking illustration of perfect is the enemy of good with her probably doing more harm than help to her causes by turning folks off with her my way or the highway stance.  Rachel would have excelled at whatever chosen path she took with incredible zeal and bending herself to be what folks in her life needed. Ax would have lived in the shadow of his brother as a semi competent warrior at best, Tobias would have remained very fucked up and Marco would have done what it took to not be poor and mask all his hurts with laughter and entertaining folks.  Jake on the other hand is the one that just sort of was. He could end up really generic or find something he's good at and make it his life.

Instead he was given the role of responsibility and for the most part he carried the burden though his putting Cassie on a pedestal constantly was one part character flaw and one part character shilling by the creators. It was a realistic flaw he liked her and wanted her to like him. That was very human and relatable but his constant support for some of her more stupid moments crossing the line into plot induced stupidity.

One part that is really sad is that he's often compared with Elfangor and the narrative takes the appraoch that he falls short but honestly to me Jake comes off as more of a success than Elfangor and I wish the narrative acknowledged it. Of course I'll share my thoughts on Elfangor in another post.

There is more I could go into but this post has gotten long enough for now so final Thoughts on Jake generic kid forced to grow up even faster than others. Has an irritating blind spot when it comes to Cassie but over all my favorite of the kids.

[omoghouls]

request- a ghoul is desperate on the way to the next show, the drive will be hours and they're too embarrassed to tell anyone. they're so desperate they seem sick so the others keep giving them water. they get to a point where they're quietly sobbing and shaking as they spurt & eventually let go onto themselves getting the seats and floor wet as well as their clothes

(Yall know when given the opportunity that ghoul of choice is spesh 😂)

The gentle purr of the engine caused the ghoul to stir from his slumber. Special groaned as he rolled to his side, green eyes snapping open as he felt his body beginning to roll off. His tail whipped around as the ghoul rubbed at his face, looking around confusedly when he saw the small couch behind him.

"Morin' sleeping beauty."

Special looked to the seated body opposite to his.

"What, what time is it?" He sleepily mumbled as he clawed his way back onto the couch.

Omega glanced to his covered wrist, "Eh, quarter past 'you missed breakfast and the meeting'," the larger ghoul said.

"Why the fuck didn't anyone wake me up?" Special ask, running his clawed fingers through his short locks, a concerned look in his eyes.

Omega shrugged, "You were fast asleep there, haven't seen you that deep into a slumber in months, didn't wanna wake you," he mused, " 'sides wasn't even really a meeting, Papa just had a group talking to about sticking to curfew."

The smaller ghoul's shoulders slumped, "Still would've been nice to go with y'all."

Omega chuckled, "Well do not worry, you've still got that shitty cereal you like and all of us breathing down eachother necks 'til we get to the next state," he gave, patting Special's back, his hand lingering down as the ghoul stood up.

"You act like that's a punishment to me," he chuffed, walking to the small countertop, pouring water into the kettle before turning it on.

[[MORE]]

"If you can handle 12 hours of Alpha's practicing and Air crpytic-ness, then I'm calling you a saint."

Special poured the hot water into the mug, "Then I supposed I'd have to be banished from the clergy."

The two laughed, letting themselves relish in the stillness and silence in the bus.

"So, where is everyone else?" Special asked as he placed his empty mug in the sink.

"Final wanderings 'round the place, washroom breaks-"

"Things still busted?" Special interrupted, jutting his thumb towards the small washroom door.

Omega nodded, "Said it'd be fixed when we get into Denver, sink still works though."

Special made a slight face as he came back to sit with the other ghoul, "Remind me not to wash my hands in there again," he smiled, ears perking up when the chittered voices of the other ghoul's neared close.

12 hours on the bus didn't seem too bad. It would give the spokesghoul ample time to think through possible interview questions and see how the others were.

The ghoul stretched his legs that had been tucked under him out after the idle hours of finishing up certain paper work styled clergy duties. Despite being on a bus thousands of miles away, the work was never over.

Special paused in his movements when a firmiliar taut sensation became all too noticeable in his lower abdomen. The ghoul chewed on his lower lip, it wasn't too bad, yet. He glanced around, his eyes settling on the passing signs and blurred billboards. Surely they were in need of a pit stop soon, he could wait it out until then.

Special's brow raised as he watched them drive past the gas station.

"We aren't stopping?" He questioned aloud

"Guess it ain't bus accessible," a voice gave.

The earth ghoul plopped down besides the spokesghoul, " 'sides, we've only been on the road for three hours."

Special's heart sank slightly, bus time never was the same as linear time.

Earth tilted his head as he watched the seemingly disappointed expression from the other ghoul, noting the slightest flushing over his cheeks.

"You all right, Spesh?"

The ghoul glanced away for a split second as he thought of something to say.

"Oh yes, perfectly, perfectly fine just," he swooped his head down, "just a bit uh, carsick, bus sick in this situation I guess."

A little white lie, no harm no fowl.

The earth ghoul nodded slowly, the slight suspicion was pushed to the side at the notion of one of his own being unwell. The ghoul held a clawed finger up as he leaned over, pulling a bottle of water and placing it on the spokesghoul's lap.

Special looked to the bottle then back to the earth ghoul.

"It'll help with the nausea, 'least that's what Papa said one time," Earth explained as he picked up the bottle once more, unscrewing the lid, holding it out.

There was hesitancy before the ghoul took hold of the water bottle, setting it to his lips and taking a small sip.

Earth raised a brow, "Think you could handle a bit more there? A bird sip wont help you."

No. No he couldn't.

"Oh uh, yeah," Special mumbled between the lid before tiliting his head back, taking a larger swig; wincing as the water settled in his stomach, but, how long would it stay there?

Special sat the nearly finished drink on the floor, wiping away the excess on his chin, glancing over to the earth ghoul.

Earth gave a nod of approval, lightly patting Special's leg before standing up, "Good, just try and take it easy and rest up."

The spokesghoul bit back a groan as he leaned his head back.

This was going to be a long ride.

The hours felt as if they just continued to drag on longer and longer with each passing of blurred road signs. Special rubbed at his eyes, glancing to the book he had long since abandoned. He crossed his ankles as he moved his hands to his sides, gripping lightly at the seat cushion.

It was no longer a nuisance he could brush off, his bladder ached, skin tautly pressed against his slacks.

Special shifted in his seat for the unknownth time in that hour. His ears twitched at the sound of the washroom door clicking open.

He knew he could simply do as the others were so freely doing; pee in the sink and be done with this growing issue. However, sometimes in him stopped him each time he started to stand.

He was one of the elder ghouls on the bus, he of all ghoul's should have better control of his body and be able to wait.

Idly, Special footed the near empty bottle, the thought crossed his mind more than once since he had been made to drink it's contents.

Too much of a hassle, a mess and the others would know exactly why he was shuffling back to the bunking area with an empty bottle.

The ghoul felt eyes on the back of his neck, slowly he turned to come face to face with the Omega ghoul.

"Eveything okay? Been missing your chatterboxing."

"Yes. I'm fine," he said, perhaps a bit more curt than intended.

Omega squinted, "Don't sound find to me, Earth mentioned you were feeling a bit woozy, still feel that way?"

Special squirmed as he nodded slowly, "A bit, yeah."

"Why don't you lay down? Others wouldn't mind."

Special shook his head, knowing that if he were to move so much of an inch it would be game over.

"No? Okay how about some more water? Been a while since you last drank," Omega mused as he swiped the bottle beneath Special's foot.

Special's eyes widened at the thought of even attempting to fit a drop extra into his overly filled bladder.

"N-no thank you, it's alright, I just need t-to sit." Special weakly gave, tail curling around his ankle as he spoke, desperately trying to keep his composure.

"I'll get it for ya, think I still got some filtered water in there," the bigger ghoul said as he stood up, rummaging through the mini fridge, despite the small noises of protest coming from the smaller ghoul. He placed a container on the counter before pulling himself back up, walking back to the couch.

Omega began to pour the water into the bottle, the liquid echoing between the plastic bottle.

It was too much for the spokesghoul. Special let out a yelp, hands shoving between his thighs, shuddering frame as he doubled over, chittering anxiously as his bladder gave in.

The other's attention was drawn to the ghoulish noises spouting from the spokesghoul, just barely audible over the hissing noise that as well came from the ghoul.

The warm urine pooled around his seated body, what wasnt absorbed by the fabrics of his clothing or couch slowly dribbled into the floor, collecting into a small puddle.

A hushed silence washed over the bus as the stream finally tapered off, leaving Special's quivering, panting breaths to fill the silent air.

He wanted nothing more than to just hide. However, there was no such thing on a bus. Special's eyes locked onto the glistening puddle beneath him.

"Spesh?" Omega finally broke the silence.

Special sniffled, dryly swallowing around the growing lump in his throat.

"Why didn't you go? I know the sink isn't the most appealing," he asked, sitting beside the smaller ghoul.

He shrugged,lifting his shoulders to his ears, "I-I wanted to be able to ho-hold it," Special finally gave, "I'm sorry," his voice cracking.

Omega shook his head, gently tilting the others chin to face his, "Hey, it's okay, buddy. Happens to the best of us, don't think anyone else here hasn't pissed themselves before?" He paused, "It's alright, no ones upset, just glad you're feeling better."

Special leaned into the touch, exhausted from the hours long hold.

"How 'bout we get you cleaned up before you fall asleep huh?" The bigger ghoul said as he stood, helping the other to his feet.

Special nodded, pressing his face into the others chest as they walked into the back to grab the spare uniforms.

He was fortunate for such understanding bandmates.

[shinidamachu]

Haunted

Summary: today's prompt of @inukag-week is "Haunted" so I named this... da da da... Haunted. Got it? Oh my God I'm so original and good at titles.

Word Count: 1544  Genre: Inukangst  Fandom: InuYasha  Pairing: Inukag Format: oneshot  AO3 Link: 🌹  Fanfic.Net Link: 🌹

When it first happened, InuYasha thought he had finally gone insane.

That day had started, like so many others lately, with bashful hope turning into heartbreak as autumn’s wind made the walk back from the Honekui no Ido even harder.

Since Miroku and Sango were busy with the twins and Shippo was leaving in a few hours to take his Fox Demon Promotion Exam, it seemed inevitable that the solitude he always worked so hard to keep at bay would crept in.

Deciding the cold was the only issue he could do something about, InuYasha had concentrated on picking up the logs he had cutted to keep the fire alive. Halfway through it he heard it, the voice he would give anything to and do anything for.

“You forgot that one.” The girl pointed to the wood next to his left foot with the hand that wasn’t holding what InuYasha immediately recognized as chips. Blinking slowly at his astonished expression, she jammed a portion of it on her mouth.

“K-Kagome?” Incredulous that his senses had failed to perceive her presence on the spot, InuYasha felt the weight of the logs left his arms as they dropped to the ground.

“InuYasha!” Kagome greated, waiting for a reply that got lost on his dry throat. “So that’s it? First time you see me in ages and all we are gonna do is call each other’s names?” After a short pause she contemplatively brought a finger to her lips. “Do you think we do that a lot?”

His instincts had tried to preserve him, screaming that Kagome wasn’t there, she couldn’t be. Nevertheless, he ran to her — only to have his expectations crushed when he finally reached the girl and watched her vanish at the touch of his fingers.

“Just what the hell is happening?” Hurt and alert, InuYasha pulled Tessaiga out, already pitying the unadvised bastard who dared to mess with his head like that. Jaw locking along with his grip on the sword, he searched around for anything out of ordinary. There was none.

“Would you calm down?” Once again her sudden appearance caught him off-balance. The more he tried to make sense of it all, the less he understood. “There’s no reason to be grouchy, it’s just me.” Kagome — or so it seemed — spoke with the simplicity of someone who ignored how much he had waited to hear precisely that.

“You’re not her.” It was the one thing InuYasha was convinced of by then. Of course he was somewhat aware of this possibility when he jumped head first, but the previous knowledgment didn’t help soft the blow.

“I’m pretty sure I am.”

“But you’re not really here.” The hanyo put Tessaiga back in its sheath, habitual torpor taking over his movements without even giving him a chance to loath himself for being so stupid. He was about to go home when she explained.

“I am. To you, at least. You know, being a creation of your mind and all.” His ears twitched. Creation of his mind? InuYasha had only began to assimilate what she said as he noticed someone approaching. The girl opened the biggest smile. “Is this who I think it is?” She turned away to confirm her guess the moment he arrived.

“InuYasha? Are you alright? Why is your mouth open? You look like a fish.”

The half demon set his lips in a hard line.

“Shippo-Chan! Look at you all grown up!” Pride overflowed every word as she leaned down to admire the few inches he had gained up close. The demon fox, however, stayed oblivious to her presence.

“I’m fine.” That sentence had lost its meaning for a while now. “Are you leaving already?”

“Yeah, I’ll be back in a few days.” Shippo frowned at the abandoned logs on the ground. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Is it safe for him to go alone?”

“Yeah, now shuddap!” InuYasha didn’t know whose question he was answering but he desperately needed silence to try and put his thoughts in order.

“Now you sound like yourself. I just came to say goodbye.” He popped into his pink, bubbled self and took off. “See you soon!”

“Banzai!” She had hailed, encouraging InuYasha to do the same while he stared at her in astonishment.

Now, a couple of moons had come and passed and InuYasha knew for a fact he was positively mad — because there she was still, lying on the ground beside him with the same intimacy her real version used to.

“You’re not mad, silly. You just miss me. And that’s okay.”

“Quit reading my mind!”

It felt like a miracle at first, to have her back. Even if their interactions were exclusively restricted to his head, he figured half of her was still better than nothing at all.

Over time, though, InuYasha learned that it wasn’t nearly enough. It did not do to see Kagome without touching her. To hear her voice and not her heartbeat. To have her so close yet not be able to inhale her scent. It wasn’t a miracle, after all. Just an ethereal reminder of everything he had lost.

“Geez! I can go if you don’t want me around anymore.”

“Great. Leave.”

“You have to mean it.”

“I did!”

“Then what I’m still doing here?” Her eyebrows raised in defiance.

If Kagome had never came along, he could do it in the blink of an eye. Everything was easier in the days he had nothing to lose and lived like it, before she showed him how lonely it actually was and addicted him to her company.

Then she left. There was no going back to the way it was and InuYasha found himself hostage of all those stupid human feelings that always got under his skin. If he could get rid of them, letting her go wouldn’t seem so impossible.

For the first time a sketch of a plan started to unfold. He could find a way to lock his human side for good, like he had always intended. Even though the jewel was gone, maybe he could track down a witch powerful enough. It was a shot in the dark but the perspective of not caring for anything anymore was very appealing.

“Oh, don’t you dare!” She warned, in the bossy tone InuYasha inexplicably had become fond of years ago. He stood up and walked away, doing his best to ignore her begging him to stay.

When he got to the door, she bursted in front of him.

“Please, don’t. I had always loved this part of you so much.” She tenderly reached for his right cheek and InuYasha absentmindedly leaned on the touch he could not feel.

Fearing his knees would gave in or his mouth would howl the unfairness of it all, he made his way out, ready to search through the night for something — anything — to placate the sinking feeling that involved him.

“InuYasha, osuwari!”

InuYasha froze as the sound of the word he haven’t heard in so long echoed through his mind, waiting out of habit to be dragged by that familiar, invisible force. The Kotodama no Nenju, however, remained oblivious at the command. And how pathetic of him to be disappointed by that.

“I can’t let you do this.” Her lower lip trembled and she swallowed, eyes glowing with odorless tears. Real or not, InuYasha hated that the sight affected him just the same.

“There’s nothing you can do to stop me! If you gotta problem with it, then don’t be a whole fucking world away, how ‘bout that?” He roared, expecting she would either shout back or disappear for good. Instead, the illusion held his gaze, her face immutable.

“And what happens when I come back and you’re not here? What happens when I come back and you are not you anymore?” He tried to snort, but it came out sadder than the intended.

“You won’t.” InuYasha felt the weight of the words as soon as they sunk in and an insane fear that he could be right eclipsed what was left of his rationality. A cold night welcomed him on his way out.

“InuYasha.”

He refused to do anything beyond walking, every new step even more obstinate than the later, urging to get somewhere, anywhere.

And before he knew it, he was running.

“InuYasha!”

But not matter how hard he tried to shake her off, InuYasha just couldn’t. Not when her voice was the only thing he could focus on. Not when it was calling his name so hopelessly. It was only a matter of time before he gave in.

“InuYasha!”

“WHAT?” Breath as heavy as the silence that followed, he stopped to face the beautiful phantom he had conjured out of memories and longing, daring her to go on.

“If going on this stupid journey is what you really want to do, I don’t think you heading the right way.” Then, like the green on the autumn leaves, she faded away, leaving him alone to at last realize where his path had ended. Right, he thought, it has been three days, after all. InuYasha stood there, looking at the old well, wondering how long it would remain as empty as he felt.

A/N: and I would've gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for this demon dog and that episode of HIMYM which totally inspired this. You know the one.

[izzy-b-hands]

Summer Song

It is officially summer, and getting stupid warm and humid where I am, so time for some summer fic! Knocked this out as I finish up the last of the requests in my inbox, those will be out in the next day or so, I promise!

Of course, rights for the book quoted in this one, The Pearl by John Steinbeck go to...well, Steinbeck. A favorite of mine (I will reread Cannery Row at least once a year until the day I die probably) so I couldn’t resist putting a quote in, especially since The Pearl was on a list of Most Read for the late 40′s/early 50′s.

My love to all who read/like/reblog!!

The ride to the beach wasn’t long, only a bit over an hour, but everything felt languishing and elongated in the heat. 

Snafu had agreed to drive, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging open already, an extra pair of Eugene’s sunglasses on his face. “We’re gonna melt before we get there. Can you still get burnt if you’re already melted?” 

Eugene shrugged. “We’ll find out. It’ll be worth it though; I can already feel the water.” 

“That’s sweat, darlin’,” Snafu replied, wiping at his own forehead with a free hand. 

“No, you gotta envision it right. Think about it: hot sand underneath those ugly ass sandals of yours,” Eugene started, leaning back against the seat and closing his eyes. 

“These sandals made it through a fuckin’ war, to get rid of them would be a crime,” Snafu interrupted. “Besides, they’re comfy.” 

“And barely held together by anything except hope,” Eugene laughed. “But I digress. Back to the beach. All that hot sand, until we get to the edge of the water. Can you hear it, lapping at our feet? And we’re the only ones out there, so that’s all there is to hear. The water, movin’ slow. The sand shiftin’ underneath us as we walk. Sound of the birds flyin’ overhead. Sweatin’ under the sun, but paying it no mind once we’re in the water.” 

Snafu was watching the road, but was moving his jaw in the way that Eugene knew meant he was listening, creating exactly what he was saying in his head. 

“And we float out there together, not a care in the world. Once we get sick of that, we’ll come back onto the sand and lay out the blanket and the umbrella. I can read to you while we sit and dry off, and play with your hair the way I know you like. Let you fall asleep on me, ‘cause I know you’re gonna,” Eugene smiled. 

“What book did you bring?” Snafu asked.

“The Pearl. Didn’t want to drag anything too heavy with us. We got enough to carry,” Eugene replied. 

Snafu nodded, his jaw still moving away, Eugene knew unconsciously. He wondered what else Snafu might be picturing them doing on the beach together. 

It was mercifully slow at the beach, somehow. He figured the others, bigger and with more amenities, were probably swamped. That worked perfectly for them now. 

There was a slight breeze, and the fabric of Snafu’s shirt hanging loose shifted as he stood near their chosen spot while Eugene set up. It was a small thing, but it made Eugene want to pull him down onto the blanket and hold him tight. Something about the sight of the baby blue material against his skin made his breath stick in his chest, and his hands yearn to touch that skin. 

“You gonna go in right now?” Snafu asked, still facing the gulf’s crashing water as he kicked off his sandals. 

Truth be told, he was content to just stare at Snafu, frozen in the scene of the sun beating down, the white sand, and the blue sky contrasting against the sight of Snafu standing there, perfect. 

But the call of the water was enticing. 

“Yeah. May as well before we melt,” he replied, yanking off the T-shirt he wore and leaving his sandals near the blanket. It was the only part of his uniform that he’d put into the rest of his wardrobe, if only because it was damn comfortable. 

More comfortable was bare skin against Snafu’s, his shirt abandoned by Eugene’s on their blanket along with their sunglasses. 

He hadn’t gotten into the water intending on immediately pulling Snafu close to him. It had hit him hard, the need to suddenly have Snafu near as possible, a different kind of heat layered on top of the heat from the sun. 

He let himself lean lightly, ever so carefully, against Snafu’s back as they floated in the water, the sensation of touching Snafu the only thing on his mind. 

Snafu turned around, pulling him against him without a word. It was something that didn’t need to be spoken, the identical need to just touch and be touched, but only by each other, with no particular reason behind it except that they were together, on a day where no obligation could reach them, with love just sitting in the wings, waiting for all of this free time so it could be properly expressed. 

“Think there are sharks out here?” Snafu asked, and Eugene snorted. 

“We’re havin’ a nice romantic moment here, and...Snaf,” Eugene sighed. “And yeah, probably. Not near us, in theory. But somewhere out here, yeah.” 

“Just wonderin’,” Snafu murmured. “Gotta know if I need to protect you, y’know.” 

“You’d fight off a shark for me?” 

“Fight off a whole...whatever a group of ‘em is called. Clusterfuck? Whatever, point is they’d never touch you,” Snafu replied. 

“A clusterfuck?” Eugene giggled. “Well, you know I’d do the same for you.” 

“Hm,” Snafu muttered. “Speak and they do appear.” 

“Sorry?” Eugene turned in time to see a fin in the water. “Snaf, were you gonna tell me about that?” 

“Was gonna just drag you out with me, to be honest,” Snafu replied, a hand on his arm pulling him along as he moved them back towards shore. “Could be a dolphin.” 

“Could be, sure,” Eugene agreed, grateful for the feeling of the sand under their feet as they got out of the water. At least they hadn’t been too far out. “Better not to disturb whatever it is though. Can always go back out later.” 

Snafu nodded, and grabbed his hand as they stood there, watching the fin move in the water. 

“S’weird. I know that if that thing really is a shark, had bumped into us and taken a bite out of either of us...I know that’s dangerous,” Snafu sighed. “But it doesn’t...register. Know what I mean? Like I know the danger is there but I don’t...feel it right. I mean, that’s nothing compared to Peleliu, Okinawa...but I should be scared of it, right?” 

“I mean...sharks don’t know any better, really. They’re just tryin’ to figure out if whatever they bumped into is food or an enemy or whatever. But yeah, still dangerous in a way, since we’re pretty much alone out here and all. But I get it. There’s so much random shit that scares me when it probably shouldn’t. Then there’s stuff like this, and it feels like nothin’ in comparison to what you already been through, so it’s like,” Eugene shrugged. “I can watch something that I know could potentially cause my death swim on by and have no issue, but tomorrow night I might have a nightmare so bad I won’t sleep well for a week.” 

“...we’re a little fucked up, huh?” Snafu asked, his hand squeezing Eugene’s. 

Eugene squeezed back as he led them back to the blanket. “Yeah. Think if you made it back, then you are. Just the nature of it.” 

He moved their clothes and put on his sunglasses, handing Snafu’s over to him as he lay down and patted the blanket, warm from the sand. “Let me read to you.” 

Snafu lay down beside him, curled up against him. “We started it last night, but I don’t remember where we were...fell asleep on you. Sorry ‘bout that.” 

“I marked it before I fell asleep. We barely got it started, honestly. You can fall asleep on me now too, if you want,” Eugene smiled.

“You just like watchin’ me sleep,” Snafu smirked, and pressed a kiss to Eugene’s chest. 

“Yeah,” Eugene replied. “Not my fault you’re so damn cute when you sleep.” 

Snafu giggled and wrapped an arm around him, his breath warm on Eugene’s neck, and Eugene melted. 

He pulled the book out from the small bag they’d brought with, sitting just outside of the shade of the umbrella. 

“You already sleepin’?” he teased as he watched Snafu’s chest rise and fall, slow and relaxed. 

“Nah. Just comfy. You gonna read or just admire me all day?” 

“I can do both,” Eugene chuckled as he opened the book with his free hand, the other wrapped around Snafu, keeping him close. 

They were only five paragraphs in, meeting Kino and his family for what had to be the fifth time now, more if they counted all the times they’d read the book individually, not just together. 

“In Kino's head there was a song now, clear and soft, and if he had been able to speak of it, he would have called it the Song of the Family,” Eugene read. 

“What would ours sound like?” Snafu asked. 

“What?” 

“Our Song of the Family. You, me, all the kids back at home. If we put it in a song, what do you think it’d sound like?” Snafu asked.

“Not sure. Feel like it could sound like a lot, all at once. Almost discordant. Especially if we let the kids sing on it, I mean...” Eugene laughed. 

Snafu snorted. “Could you imagine? With what backin’ them?” 

“Piano, and I’m not sure all what else,” Eugene replied. “What do you think?” 

“Piano’d be nice. Can do a lot with it, since it’d be a long song,” Snafu said. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“’Course. It’s gonna play for the rest of our lives, so we gotta have an instrument that can go the distance, y’know? Convey a bunch of different moods and feelings,” Snafu answered. 

Eugene nodded, and set the book down. His eyelids were heavy, and he knew Snafu was probably just as sleepy. It was hard not to be, in the heat, sitting comfortable in each other’s arms. 

“Think I can hear it now,” Eugene said, moving to intertwine his legs with Snafu’s. 

Snafu leaned in close to him, and sighed happily. “Me too. I like it. The best song I’ve ever heard.” 

“It is,” Eugene whispered as he let his eyes start to close. In a few hours, they’d start the drive back home. But for now there was the crash of the water, the warmth of Snafu in his arms, and their Song of the Family playing in his head. 

[snatcherwes]

OCtober 3rd: Feast

OCtober Challenge by @oc-growth-and-development!

Author’s notes: So this ended up being way longer than I intended but I didn’t feel happy with the set up until I fleshed it way out like I did so that’s how we ended up with 2,414 words. I’m actually not super upset with this one either even though I know it’s kinda rushed. I don’t love the ending but I needed to get it done and it’s not completely awful so /shrug. Anyway, here’s another Vitale and Luke piece. It’s much darker than the previous one and has a handful of warnings coming along with it. I take a lot of how I do my vampires from VTMB and Vampyr because they’re two of my all time favorite games so if you’ve played them, some things might seem familiar.

Warnings: There are mentions of blood and semi-detailed torture and death in this. It’s not too bad but it is about a vampire so proceed with caution if you’re easily squeamish!

Word count: 2,414

When Vitale finally came through, it was to a rush of cold water being poured over his head and a throaty chuckle ringing through his ears. He desperately gasped, shaking his head vigorously in an attempt to throw off the wash of cold clinging to him. Doing so gave him an intense bout of vertigo as his head began to throb. When he made the move to push back his sopping wet hair, he found that his arms were secured tightly behind his back with thick, heavy chains. The vampire frantically squirmed, achieving nothing but heavy nausea and throbbing aches. He defeatedly settled, allowing his eyes to finally adjust to the dimly lit view before him.

He was sat on the stone floor of what appeared to be a basement. His bindings were connected to a thick hook that had been drilled into the brick wall behind him. Beside him on either side were vacant sections of wall that served the same purpose as the one keeping him tethered. He tried to see further into the darkness of the basement but his exhaustion and nausea were doing a number on his vision and ability to focus on any more than his immediate surroundings. He could do little more than glance up at the man that he assumed was his captor.

“Wakey wakey, little tick,” the man spat, gripping Vitale by the chin with a calloused hand in order to lift the vampire’s head. “Have a good nap, did ya’?”

The man was somewhere around six feet tall and built like a brick wall. His broad shoulders and wide chest conveyed the strength that he had been using to all but crush Vitale’s jaw. He was littered in scars from head to toe and had appeared to have an improperly healed broken nose at one point in time. His appearance gave little indication as to what his abilities were, appearing outwardly like a human—albeit a strong one. That fact unsettled Vitale for he had no idea what he was up against.

When Vitale didn’t give an answer to the mocking question, the man shoved the vampire’s face down with a snarl, gruffly laughing when his prisoner struggled to right himself.

“C’mon, I know ya’ can speak,” the man said, roughly nudging VItale in the side with a heavy boot. 

Again, the vampire remained quiet, trying to call upon any memories that would shine light on where he was and why. He vaguely remembered gearing up and preparing for something that night, failing to remember what exactly it was. There was an agitating feeling of anxiety attached to a specific factor that he couldn’t quite recall, something he knew he needed to remember above all else. 

With a harsher kick to his side delivered by his captor, Vitale felt a searing pain that traveled up his spine to the nape of his neck, causing him to cry out and double over. 

“Aw, did that hurt?” The man let out another throaty chuckle, kneeling down to mockingly pat Vitale on the shoulder. “Amazing what a silver-tipped stake to the back can do to a little tick like yourself.” Vitale shivered, attempting to right himself once more and squirm away from the man’s heavy hand. Silver-tipped stake? 

With that, his memories began to return. He had been out on what was supposed to be a simple recon mission of a recently developed Resistance outpost. There was supposed to only be a small presence of guards and the surveillance was to be done at a distance. Vitale had positioned himself at the southern side of the outpost, observing a handful of guards file in and out of the building, unloading various supplies from vehicles parked just outside the gate. This went on for almost three hours with no issue whatsoever and he was ready to call it a night, return to base, and begin formulating a future course of action. However, as he stood from his concealed position, he remembered feeling an intensely sharp pain ripping through his spine and a rough hand quickly covering his mouth, silencing his scream. He wished that he had the foresight to bite the hand, but it would not have made much difference considering that the pain had caused him to pass out shortly after. 

Without warning, the man suddenly yanked Vitale to his feet by the chain binding his arms. He appeared to have unhooked the vampire from the fastener on the wall and intended to move him. With a shove, he lead Vitale through the basement and towards a set of stairs, up through a door and out into a yard. He tried to count just how many different guards he passed on his way out, but it became increasingly difficult with each step. 

Being forced to walk led Vitale to realize just how exhausted he was. He had no way to tell how long he’d been held captive; therefore, he had no way to tell just how much time had passed since he last fed. Clearly, it was enough to render him close to useless considering how his eyelids felt impossibly heavy and he needed to be up-righted several times on the journey up the stairs and out to the yard. 

“Since ya’ don’t wanna’ talk and I’ve got little patience tonight,” the man spoke, bringing Vitale around the building to a smaller portion of the yard serving as an alleyway. “I’ve got another idea.”

Vitale vaguely noticed a motionless mass laying in the dirt before him, surrounded by a handful of guards, but before he could figure out just what it was, a swift kick to the back of his knees sent him down onto the dirt. He could do little but lift his head, willing his eyes to focus on the mass before him. 

It looked as though a large, dirty blanket had been draped over the figure’s body, completely stretched out on the sides and pinned into the dirt with spikes. He could faintly hear labored breathing that matched the rhythm of the figure’s visibly shallow breaths. 

It became very clear all too fast just exactly who the figure was when Vitale’s captor gripped the mop of filthy blond hair atop its head and yanked upwards. “Look familiar?” 

Vitale met painfully familiar honey-colored eyes, his focus sharpening immediately as he recognized the figure to be Luke. He was on his stomach, his arms barely visible beneath the blanket. His face was bruised and beat, his left eye swollen and his lips speckled with blood. He looked absolutely filthy, as if he had been left in the dirt for days. A strained whimper fell from Luke’s lips as the hand gripping his hair yanked again before letting his head fall back to the ground. 

“Unlucky for him, he woke up first,” the man explained, standing up and circling the blanket atop Luke. When he began to drive one of the spikes deeper into the dirt, Luke let out a pained shout and Vitale quickly realized that it wasn’t a blanket covering his friend. Those were his wings. 

Vitale started to thrash at the realization, trying and failing to free himself from the chains binding him. Trying to free himself so that he could free Luke. Trying to do anything to make it possible to help his friend. “Stop!”

Turning his head to glance at the vampire, the man laughed. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? And to think, we had to pin this one here like a bug to even get a sound from ‘im.” 

“Please, stop,” Vitale pleaded, keeping his gaze glued to his friend. He could feel desperation swelling up inside of him, his gut burning from having not fed and anger for his tortured friend. His teeth chattered and he swallowed hard, his throat painfully dry as he croaked, “What do you want?”

“Oh, now ya’ wanna’ play, huh?” The man smirked, reaching down to pluck a feather from Luke’s wings. The Shape Shifter flinched as he felt the man’s fingers grip the quill and tug. “I think I’m having more fun with this.”

Again, the man knelt down further to Luke’s level, placing his hand atop the spike he recently pushed deeper. Vitale started to thrash again, struggling even harder to free himself, causing one of the lingering guards to hold the chains secure. 

“Aw, ain’t that cute,” the man snickered, directing the question to Luke as he knelt further to meet his eyes. When Luke responded by weakly spitting blood in his direction, the man growled, straightened up and roughly yanked the spike, causing it to tear further through the wing. 

Luke let out a terrible scream and it was becoming increasingly difficult for the guard restraining Vitale to still him. Their captor took notice, abandoning his torture of Luke to momentarily assist the guard. With a swift kick to the side of his head, Vitale went down hard and stilled completely, appearing to be knocked unconscious by the blow. 

Luke gasped, immediately starting to visibly panic but being able to do little more than weakly flail in the dirt. The man chuckled at his handiwork, turning his attention back to Luke. “Well, that’s that.”

When the fear and panic in Luke’s face was quickly replaced with confusion, the man mirrored it and followed his line of sight back to the vampire. “Still with us then?”

Vitale began to stir and tremble, almost convulsing in the dirt as the man that had been previously holding him readied to grab the chains once more. The vampire’s eyes shot open and there was little time for anyone to react before he snarled loudly, bearing a mouth full of shark-like teeth and snapped the chains binding him with little more than a stretch of his arms. He quickly got to his feet and wasted little time in tearing the terrifyingly sharp claws that once were his hands through the stomach of the man who attempted to restrain him. 

He turned his attention onto the main captor with frightening speed, his previously normal black irises replaced with blood red, the pitch black sclera unsettlingly highlighting them. The number of teeth in his mouth seemed impossible, all sharpened to a dangerous point. The blood of the man writhing at his feet dripped from his claws onto the dirt and the smell of it plus the fear in the air was driving him further into his frenzy.

“You’re fucked,” Luke mumbled with a pained laugh. Before their captor could even bark out a command to his men, Vitale was at his throat, burying his fangs into skin and pinning him still with claws deep in his arms. As he drained the man, Vitale payed little mind to the bullets that began pelting him as the remaining men covered him with panicked gunfire. 

The blood pleasantly coursed through him, and when he could feel the man’s heart settle almost to a complete stop, he tore himself from his throat and watched his unfocused eyes shift into panic as the last of his energy withered away. Dropping the limp body to the dirt, he turned his attention towards the closet guard and repeated the monstrous process.

Vitale tore through the small militia with ease, his heightened senses and drive for blood making him virtually unstoppable. If he was of the mind to laugh, he would have as the remaining guards pumped out bullet after bullet, trying and failing to do as much as slow him down. However, it was impossible. A frenzied vampire was an incredibly fast, extremely strong, and immeasurably dangerous creature, ferocious and merciless. Not only had the lack of blood driven Vitale over the edge, but the fear and helplessness of seeing his friend tortured plus having taken his own beatings eventually awoken the sleeping beast inside him. 

It wasn’t long until the entire yard was littered with the bloodless bodies of numerous Resistance guards. Vitale could feel himself winding down from his ravenous feast, slowly regaining his control as he ripped the throat out of the final guard attempting to stop him. Some had managed to flee the massacre and the outpost entirely and lucky for them, the vampire’s main concern was his still-pinned friend. They could be found later.

“Remind me not to piss you off,” were Luke’s first words to his friend as he knelt down to the first wing. Vitale didn’t respond, quickly meeting Luke’s gaze as he gently gripped the spike. The Shape Shifter nodded and braced himself for the pain, hissing loudly as the metal was pulled free. Instinctively, Luke drew his wing closer to his body, moaning in pain as it refused to fold properly.

“I’m sorry,” Vitale mumbled quietly, dropping the bloodied spike before moving along to the other wing. This one posed a bigger challenge due to how deep it was driven into the dirt but after a moment, the vampire finally tore it free, wincing at Luke’s pained shout. He apologized again as he tried to help fold the wing back. It wouldn’t budge and Luke’s grunts of pain sounded too awful to his ears to continue any further. Instead, Vitale helped Luke to his feet, holding him steady as his torn wings threatened to tilt him over like dead weight. “I’m so sorry for all of this, I—”

“Stop, just...” Luke interrupted, sighing and shaking his head as he trailed off. He then suddenly pulled Vitale into a weak but undeniably emotional hug, not caring about the blood or dirt caking them both. He squeezed the vampire as tight as he could, resting his head on Vitale’s shoulder. “Just get us home, Vitti.”

And that he could do. There was a lot to be said between the two, unnecessary apologies and tears shed over just how worried they had both felt, but all of that would be saved for after they were cleaned and patched up. That didn’t stop the both of them from worrying over each other profusely on the way back, Vitale insisting he carry Luke after having to stop to rest several times along the journey back and Luke declined each time, citing that Vitale had taken a harsh beating himself and needed to keep what little strength he had left. 

“I will have plenty of time to regain my strength once we get back because I can guarantee you that Terion will not let either of us set foot outside the base for at least a month.”

[nadziejastar]

Lea/Axel was pretty clingy and had abandonment issues. In the books, he was willing to kill himself and Roxas just they could be best friends together forever. I feel so bad for him. He lost his old friend and his innocence to a cult and was desperate to feel love and friendship again. And when those got snatched away again he snapped, literally being ok with dying just so he could he see friends. He had some serious demons back then. Poor guy

Isa’s Connection to Ice Cream

Yes, Axel definitely had abandonment issues. He bitterly longed for his past and his innocence. I just cannot get over how everything about Lea and Isa in BBS was so happy and normal. Even Nomura said that both of them were just innocent frisbee-playing boys. They were portrayed a lot like Hayner’s gang, and the Wayfinder Trio in the old days. Very innocent and cute. It’s why Axel’s memories meant everything to him.

He desperately yearned to go back to those days. Lea deserved to have someone from his past, like everyone else. It made him FAR more interesting to me than simply being the big bro of the Sea-salt trio. The whole reason he ate ice cream was due to his past. The day where Lea and Isa are thrown out of the castle is a very important day. It’s as significant as the night before Aqua and Terra’s Mark of Mastery exam. And it has to do with ice cream.

Scrooge—An entrepreneur and shop owner from Disney Town. Hoping to take his already massive fortunes to cosmic levels, he moved to Radiant Garden with Merlin’s help.

I always got the impression that Axel’s ice cream addiction was an emotional thing—not just that he simply liked it that much. We never saw him eat it in KH2, but in Days, his favorite flavor was sea-salt. Just like Hayner’s gang. They represent childhood innocence. And Axel ate it ALL the time.

I have a theory. So, in BBS Scrooge took his business from Disney Town to Radiant Garden. This is how Lea is introduced to sea-salt ice cream. And Scrooge’s nephews were coming up with new flavors during that time. Ventus is the one who fixes their ice cream machine. And one of the songs in ice cream beat is called “Dessert Paradise.” It’s the only original song, made just for that mini-game.

Saïx’s Casual Gear is shaped like a banana and is called “Just Desserts” or “Dessert Time” in Japanese. It’s probably safe to assume that Isa had a sweet tooth. I think Lea and Isa ate at the ice cream shop all the time; probably every time they unsuccessfully tried to sneak into the castle and got thrown out. It was their routine, their own icing on the cake. If he likes fruit, Isa’s favorite flavor was probably “Double Crunch”, the one that was given to Ven if he wins the Million Dreams Award. Lea’s favorite was obviously sea-salt. And these memories had an enormous impact on him.

Axel had seen the trio out and about countless times, always talking and laughing. Roxas looked about the same age as them, actually.

Each one held an ice cream bar—sea-salt flavor, pale blue, and distinctly salty-sweet.

Axel was rather fond of it himself. Or rather, he remembered that he liked it.

“…Why don’t we get some ice cream first?”

I noticed a few things. While reading the novels, it didn’t even seem like Axel liked the taste of the ice cream—at least not anymore.

Axel: Man, I miss the old times. Still got it memorized? The day we met, when you got your new name, you and I sat right here, just like this and watched the sunset.

He took Roxas to eat ice cream on the day he got his new name. And in the opening of the Days movie, Axel watched Roxas enjoying his ice cream, but he looked reluctant to eat his. He braced himself, and then recoiled when he bit into it. It was way too salty for him, and he didn’t like it. It seemed as if he hadn’t eaten it in a long time. He only started when Roxas came, when he took him out as a treat. Then, he started getting nostalgic and began eating them non-stop.

Beside the small shop run by the Moogles, an unusual-looking elderly gent, Scrooge, was touting his wares with some blue ice cream in hand.

“Come one, come all, and have yourself a taste! Ice cream, ice cream, sweet, salty, and strange!”

“What’s that?” Lea ran up to check it out.

“Oh, young man, would you like one?”

“I’m…guessing they aren’t free?” Lea asked, jamming a hand into his pocket.

Scrooge hopped up and yelled, “Of course not! Are ye daft?!”

This is from the novel, of the epilogue with Lea and Isa. Are they free? LOL. Definitely sheltered. Lea’s just a kid. He didn’t have a lot of money. He was digging through his pockets. It’s like how Hayner and the gang had to take on odd jobs to get enough money to go to the beach, and get pretzels.

An important thing to note is that this was the day they ate sea-salt ice cream for the very first time! Scrooge just arrived and he just started selling it. Lea didn’t even know what it was. This was one of the happiest days of his life, and is no doubt burned into his memory. He met Ventus, and ate at Scrooge’s ice cream shop for the first time. Lea never looked happier than when Isa said he’d never forget him. Just like Aqua never looked happier than when she saw Terra and Ven arguing like brothers.

“Okay, I’ll take one…no, two!”

“Thank ye kindly!”

Lea handed over some munny and took the two ice popsicles from Scrooge, one of which he gave to Isa.

Despite being broke, Lea buys one for himself. And he still made sure to buy one for Isa, of course. One for each of them.

“It’s cold…,” Isa muttered as he took a bite.

“What’re you talking about? It’s ice cream; of course it’s cold. Got it memorized?”

“Salty, too.”

“But sweet!” Lea added, and Isa smiled a bit.

It’s rare to see Isa smile.

Isa seems like a deadpan type of person, who complains a lot, in jest. “This ice cream’s cold”. Lea’s like “yeah, no shit dummy!” That made Isa smile. I found it cute how Lea reacted when Isa smiled. He is more introverted, so it was rare to get a smile out of him. It gave me the impression that Lea constantly tried to make him smile and was happy when he did.

But, well, friendship means eating ice cream together, talking about stupid things, and laughing like this. Speaking of which, I wonder what that he’s up to….that guy, Ventus or whatever.

“We’ll get another shot at it.”

“Yeah,” Isa replied, gazing at the castle they had failed to infiltrate. Lea grinned and looked up at it, too.

Lea thinks about Ventus when talking about what friends do together. Is it just a coincidence that Roxas shows up, and Axel automatically wants to be his friend and eat ice cream with him?

Axel: C'mon, let’s get some ice cream.

Roxas: Why?

Axel: Whaddaya mean, why? Because we’re friends.

Roxas: So…friends are people who have ice cream together?

Axel: Sort of… That, or laugh at stupid stuff that doesn’t make any sense. Like those kids we just saw–they were friends. C'mon, I’ll show you how it works.

Axel said they were friends, like they had met before, and it was just a given. And he looked so flustered about it. The scene made me think it was a deliberate nod to when he met Ventus.

Axel: It’s sea-salt ice cream. C'mon, I already told you once. Get it memorized, man.

Roxas: It’s really salty…but sweet, too.

And later that day, Roxas sees that he had a WINNER stick. I couldn’t help but notice that Saïx also looked at his popsicle stick in KH3, like it was a WINNER, too. It honestly kills me that we had a potential storyline where Isa was involved with that whole idea, and I’ll never get to know what it was about. It makes me so sad.

“Oh, hey, I just remembered…” Axel idly kicked his dangling feet against the ledge.

“Did you guys know you should be checking your ice cream sticks?”

“Really? For what?” asked Xion.

“Once you finish your ice cream bar, check the stick. It might say ‘Winner.’ Not that I’ve ever seen one.”

Apparently Axel had never seen a WINNER stick before. I definitely think Isa was going to have a much larger importance to Axel’s sea-salt ice cream addiction than we ever learned. I think ice cream was fundamental to their friendship, and Axel’s memories. Isa probably knew that Lea was hoping to get a winning stick. Lea met Ven by picking up the wooden Keyblade Terra gave him, after he was left all alone. So, I would not be surprised if the WINNER stick had a special meaning with Isa, too. After Roxas left it for Axel, it probably made him doubly sad.

Axel: Pfft, me? I didn’t do anything.

Xion: Sure you did. If you hadn’t spoken up for us this morning, me and Roxas would’ve had to split up.

Roxas: And then Xion might never have remembered how to use the Keyblade.

Xion: Thanks, Axel.

Axel: Ahem… How ‘bout an ice cream, then?

Xion: Huh?

Axel: Buy me one, and we’ll call it even.

On the day Xion and Roxas thank Axel for defending them from Saïx, he looks away with a troubled expression. Then he says an ice cream will make them even. He needed an ice cream to deal with the distance between him and Saïx.

Aqua’s eyes never left Terra as he walked away. She had no idea what to do, and her chest ached. Her fingers tightened around her Wayfinder.

It was part of a set, to keep them together no matter where they were. Their hearts were connected, after all.

But—had she made a mistake?

It’s like when Aqua clutched the wayfinder tightly when Terra distanced himself from her. She’d always take it out and hold it when she needed comfort. It represented her unbreakable connection with her friends. I think the ice cream was the same for Axel. He found such comfort in ice cream because it represented his memories of the past—specifically of Isa. He eats it all the time as a form of self-medication. It helped him feel closer to the Isa of his memories.

Axel ducked into the sweets shop. “One ice cream, please!”

“Here you go.”

Sea-salt ice cream in hand, he meandered toward the clock tower.

He’d never deluded himself that tracking down Riku would be easy, and neither had Saïx. It was just that if he went back and reported that he couldn’t find anything, he would have to deal with those attempts at “personality”—the sneers, the snide remarks, the only trappings of human emotion that Saïx ever showed. Not that Saïx was even capable of annoyance or disappointment, of course, what with the lack of a heart and all.

Heading up the slope to the station, Axel bit into the ice cream bar. “This stuff is so salty,” he murmured to himself, as he often did.

Axel often murmured to himself about the ice cream’s saltiness. And he was thinking about Saïx’s lack of emotion in this scene. Of course, he’d want to soothe himself with childhood memories in that moment. Memories like the first time he and Isa had sea salt ice cream together. The same day they met Ven, and Isa told him he’d never forget him. Isa complained that the ice cream was salty, then Lea made him smile. Axel was thinking he’d never see Isa smile again. So he ate ice cream to soothe himself.

Axel: Does it hurt, Naminé? Watching your two childhood friends fight all because of you? You have my sympathies. From the heart. But don’t waste your time. We Nobodies can never hope to be somebodies.

Axel doesn’t visibly show sadness too often. He guards his emotions well. But when he spoke with Naminé, he had the look of pure heartbreak and dejection. Sora and Riku reminded him of his broken friendship with Isa. He didn’t want them to go through what he did. Axel had the same look Aqua had on Destiny Islands. 

She couldn’t even pass the Keyblade on to Sora. She didn’t want them to go through what she did. These were the most vulnerable looks I’d seen on either of them. Downplaying Lea’s relationship with Isa is like downplaying Aqua’s relationship with Terra. Her fractured relationship with him was the main source of her pain! It’s like saying that Aqua doesn’t need Terra anymore because she met Riku, who reminds her of him. Even when she had Ven, she wasn’t happy until Terra was saved.

“Yep, hard to believe there are so many worlds out there besides our own. The light is their hearts, and it’s shining down on us like a million lanterns.”

Aqua, too, gazed up at the sky as she listened to Terra’s words.

Yes, the light was the radiance of the world’s heart. The hope of the people living within that world.

Terra taught Ven about where the light of the stars comes from.

The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering.

If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed.

A phantom sun.

Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

The novel hinted that it was Isa who told Lea why the sun sets red.

“An unbreakable connection.” Aqua raised her blue charm skyward. “No matter where we go, we’ll never truly be apart. And that power will see us through, I know it.”

“…Unbreakable connections, huh?”

Ven held his good luck charm up to the sky, too.

Our bond will never break, with or without these, thought Terra.

This was the night Aqua gave her friends the wayfinders. She used magic on them so that they’d always find their way back to each other. She looked at the stars and said they would always be together.

“Yeah. As long as we remember one another, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

Roxas grinned. “Who are you, and what have you done with Axel?”

“Hey! I tried, okay?” All that effort to cheer them up, and they just turned it into a punch line. Chagrined, he looked away.

Xion burst into giggles, and then, as if it was contagious, Roxas started laughing, too.

“Oh, c’mon, it’s not that funny!” Axel scolded.

That was also the day Axel looked at the sunset, and said that as long as he had memories, he’d never have to be apart from anyone. The day he said an ice cream would make it even. When Terra said Aqua never stopped lighting his way back, that was the most emotional she had ever been. That unbreakable connection meant everything to her. And I’ve never seen Lea look as happy as when Isa handed him the ice cream. He had the look of perfect bliss. His memories meant everything to him.

[oftripps]

“ –– wow. ”  it’s not so much a critique as it is a g-rated expletive. tripp forces a smile mid-chew and blinks. “ my tastebuds are screaming. gah–– uh, singing. singing. ”  he avoids swallowing and as ring-decorated fingers snag a napkin, wide eyes drifting to the tabletop as a small jingle breezes past tensed lips. “ ~ allergic to mushrooms ~ ”

or, alternatively: this is somethin’ new! the caspar slide pt. 2 !! & this time, it’s ‘bout to get funky !!  so i’m linc and this is tripp and he’s........ a trip, honestly, so let’s just... yeet on into this ––

( joe keery + 22 + muse 12 ) isn’t that phillip joel “tripp” goodman over there? i heard he joined faction: one after they got back to west ham. it’s funny, ‘cause they were only on the service trip because HIS BANDMATES DUPED HIM INTO THINKING THE SIGN-UP WAS FOR A WOODS-THEMED OPEN MIC GIG. hopefully they fit in there – they’re JAUNTY but also OUTRÉ. oh, i’m sure they’ll be fine.

out the door !  ( tripp goodman: a roadmap )

look up townie family in the dictionary and you’ll find a portrait of the goodmans directly beside. these folks have a looooong flippin’ legacy here in lil’ ole west ham, kansas. it all started with montgomery goodman, a good man, who helped west ham’s founders break ground on this midwestern charmer several centuries ago. and now, the goodmans still live on the same property –– a refurbished farmhouse ( now closer to mcmansion ) surrounded by five acres of roooooollin’ hills. once upon a time, they were farming folk. now, theresa and joel goodman run the town’s one and only veterinary clinic. 

honestly, growing up? tripp was a problematic kid. he’d take in frogs from the woods and start his own frog hotels. he’d sneak pets from the clinic to school who “ needed help learning their numbers ”. in class, he’d flick sunflower seeds at the backs of his peers’ heads and, when threatened with discipline, claim he simply “ wanted to see if they’d grow  ” .  so no, to answer your question–– tripp never really saw the real wrath warranted by his rulebreaking.

in fourth grade, he chose the saxophone as his required instrument. he caused such a commotion in his house, that his parents asked his teachers to suggest something quieter. the viola. the flute. the clarinet. the piano. instruments came and went,;instruments were quickly mastered and abandoned. because dear lord, how many times could they listen to the spongebob theme song played on woodwind ?!  on strings ?!  once middle school rolled around, little phillip joel knew his way around a whopping total of six instruments, a tally that would only grow in the coming years. eventually, his parents caved and allowed him to keep playing, so long as he respected instrument curfews. they gave song requests to avoid hearing the same pieces on repeat: the goodman household was probably the only one blessed with an oboe-and-beatbox rendition of under the sea. young phillip joel’s take on the issue was simple: not all heroes wore capes.

( tw: domestic unrest, mentions of violence ) theresa and joel split when tripp was 9. just seven months later, tripp’s mother moved in with her girlfriend: tripp’s guitar teacher, ms. lillith. tripp didn’t mind ms. lillith. she was chill. he came to find out she could knock back a chocolate milk almost as fast as he could, and she liked her grilled cheeses with swiss only. his best friend became a thirty-six year old woman who happened to be his mother’s girlfriend. and that was fine. he could dig it. but joel goodman? oh no. his family name was tarnished. the scandal was too much to bear. joel sued for full custody and nearly made it, thanks to hometown politics and loyalties. but then he made one fatal mistake: he crossed his own son.

at 10 years old, fifth grade phillip joel returned home to his father’s after school with three fingernails painted effervescent blue. sidney frasier made me so cool, he gushed as he put his colored nails on proud display. dad, aren’t i so cool?  the next day, his dad enrolled him in the town’s peewee football program. he returned home from his first practice with a black eye and a split lip. from a ball, the coach insisted. hit the poor fella square in the face, real strong. phillip joel put up a fight against football; it wasn’t for him. it conflicted with music practice. couldn’t he just play music with ms. lillith instead?

the custody battle persisted. they settled on a parenting schedule. joel contested, consistently, months later. and so the cycle persisted up until phillip joel’s 12th year, when he was knocked out cold on the football field. the broken ribs came from hefty tackles. bruises from the fall. concussion from the impact. but theresa spun it to her advantage: joel had since started coaching the middle school team. this was an instance of parental neglect. and, when the courts didn’t comply, she instructed her son to jump down the stairs. one broken ankle later, and joel goodman was accused of child abuse. his word against his injured son’s. the maneuver won theresa full custody. phillip joel has yet to forgive himself.

after the custody battle’s conclusion, joel stayed in town: but phillip joel didn’t want a thing to do with sharing his name. his mother still scolds him as phillip joel, but to everyone else, he became tripp –– inspired by his knack for, you guessed it!, tumbling over his own two feet.

in high school, tripp was the class clown. always smirking, always grinning, always ready to catch someone off guard. he became a pivotal part of west ham high’s jazz band, and even formed a small group with a few buds: face. they played some school events: homecoming, pep rallies, prom. garage-baked young rock, their songs often preached meetings under bleachers and high school never ending. 

in senior year, the band saw a reboot: and after assuming a more indie, spacey sound and a nifty new name –– 1757. –– they saw a rise in local celebrity. coffee shops commissioned them for jam nights. they played on the local radio. so they collectively decided to stick around and see how far they could ride this west ham fame train. with tripp as their frontman, they always leave a memorable impression: he’s not exactly the most run-of-the-mill performer.

1757.’s sound is reminiscent of LANY: i’ve reblogged a few tunes onto tripp’s blog for reference. he’s v much a paul klein / matty healy vibe. big into music. big into losing himself in it.

so what was he up to before the service trip? playin’ tunes. working part-time as a waiter. and brainstorming ways to get out of going on this trip, as soon as he realized his stupid bandmates lied about the form he signed. an open mic in the woods ! pah !  he should have known. but the concept sounded pretty flippin’ cool.

wear our shades on our nose, 'cause we're cool like that ( tripp goodman: the man, the myth, the ledge )

oh god, he’s  w e i r d .  he believes in goblins and ghosts and aliens ( oh my )!

still VERY VERY close with his mother. v broken up about not being able to get through to her, because it was about to be his parents’ wedding anniversary and they were going to anti-celebrate it with big slices of oreo cheesecake and setting things on fire.

how he feels about coming home to west ham: post apocalyptic version.

uhhhh... can he please get a waffle? specifically a cinnamon raisin waffle with extra cinnamon and a shit ton of syrup? actually. syrup with a side of waffles?

why he was banned from his personal twitter.

“ do you even lift, bruv? ”  * proceeds to pick up a teacup & lift his pinkie like a true knock-off british monarch, shitty accent included *

listens to wham! and glam rock. unironically.bluetooth speaker mounted on his bike. no helmet! like an absolute boss. he knows!! wild!! shades on. it’s 2am. it’s dark. but true swag obeys no clock.

catch him biking everywhere stranger things style, actually. his bike’s name is milo because he can roll on for miles. mess with milo and he’ll fuck u up. aka find out if you’re lactose intolerant and slip heavy cream into your meal.

has a strong vendetta against blue doritos. which might take root in some horrific experiences involving cheez wiz, cool ranch, weed, and the new york subway system at 4am on a tuesday. spring break freshman year of college. oof.

he has a lil drawwwwl. tease him about it. he’ll probably blush.

stress-hums chili’s babyback ribs without realizing. catch him singin’ that about to be murdered.

weapon of choice: kindness.

actual weapon of choice: baseball bat.

he will write little jingles to keep morale up. “ so we’re trapped / cash us inside / how bou’ dat ? ”

has a passion for introspective literary quotes. but... has somehow managed to learn each and every one wrong.

friggin’ loves superheroes even though he can’t be bothered to watch the films? he just… always used to get made fun of for liking comic books even though he never read them? “ arachnid man is uh...  heh. he’s pretty dope, huh? ” he embraces the falsehood. someone call him on it.

9/10 times if he’s in the gym, it’s just to eat his donut and watch pay-per-view movies on the bike for free.

apple pie can absolutely be breakfast if you try hard enough. jeez. get with the times, man!

he had a legitimate pet rock before going on this service trip. but has no idea where that bugger’s gone. probably got fed up with tripp serenading him with “ we will rock you ” at all hours of the night.

lawful good. will wave other drivers on forever.

got into an accident on his bike once. bitch broke his arm and he just kept on smiling.  “ no you have a nice day! and uh.... hey. mind if we like... call an ambulance? ”

low key feels like he’s the reason his parents’ marriage crumbled. low key guilty about it. low key wonders if maybe he lived up to his father’s expectations, he might have saved them a lot of grief.

give benny goodman by saint motel a listen and tell me that’s not his soul in audio form.

known for slightly hyperbolic storytelling.

pansexual as heck. falls in love. hard. it’s a mess. he can’t hide it. hence the shades.

he has brilliant hair. and it’s immortalized in his high school yearbook.

is hellbent on being a source of positivity in this terrible situation. can he interest you in a meme in these trying times? how ‘bout a granola bar? maybe a good ole game of mash?

he’s convinced this is an elaborate prank. or a social experiment. maybe aliens. but let’s not question it too much, let’s just.... have a good time? hakuna matata? no worries? lol where the twizzlers at?!

leaves a voicemail for his mother every morning and every night. maybe he cries. maybe.

he has one ear pierced because like.......... senior year of high school, he wanted to feel more cool.

allergic to mushrooms, shellfish, eggs, and harbingers of doom.

he truly boggles minds. just.... v out there? v spacey. he closes his eyes and drifts about on stage, fingers dancing on the keys, body moving in eclectic ways. he says “groovy” and fuckin’ means it. he dresses in prints inspired by grandma’s carpet. lots of half-buttoned flowy shirts, boots, tailored statement pants, dangly necklaces. he’s got his hands full of rings –– they symbolize milestones. and some are just, like... pretty. and one’s his mother’s old wedding band.

where the hell are my friends !  ( wanted connectz. )

i was gonna do a whole section on this and got lazy but like.... anything. all the things. good, bad, ugly, beautiful. hurt him. make him suffer. but also support him a bit.

i imagine he’s got a solid squad goin’. he’s in faction one too, so... hmu for those.

i feel like he’d be pretty chill with the greeks? yeah bro, he parties. he’ll chill. he’ll crack open a cold one and pretend to understand what those letters on your jacket mean! pie-apple-fate-uh? cool stuff !

ride or dies. pls.

he needs someone to like....... melt his heart. maybe someone unexpected.

thisssss got long & disorganized but yes! let’s plot! let’s do this thang! #hype!!