#in all the unhealthy places
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dude not to be a bitch but starting my new job and spending every day surrounded by normies is really giving me a good long look at how fucked up the rhetorical landscape surrounding food and fatness is. the other week i overheard a guy confidently saying that the body doesn't actually require sugar and that if it wasn't for our dastardly perfidious taste buds we'd never crave it(???). just now my manager showed me this video of some dude scaremongering about pringles by saying that their ratio of sugar/salt/fat is CALCULATED to TRICK THE BRAIN into WANTING MORE. bitch you mean they made an effort to make their commercially produced snacks taste good? somebody phone the fucking fire department
#like i'm not disagreeing that snack foods are unhealthy it's just like#i can't help but feel like this all comes from a place of virulent fatphobia#shut up about your fucking diet
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LET THE BOY HAVE AN EDUCATION
officially at the point where we're starting to see where it's all headed and I am just going NYEEHEEHEE in delight at it all. ahhh...next week can't come soon enough...
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#stage in playful land#stage in playfulland#leona: (devises an actually somewhat clever plan to take out the staff-puppets without breaking any rules)#leona: (taken out two seconds later because he sat down in the wrong place)#at this point i'm half expecting the ssr boys to actually bust in with a big sandwich platter or something#a cake with 'please don't kidnap people :)' written on it in shaky icing#kalim isn't good at plans but he DOES throw a good shindig and by god he's going to play to his strengths#also IT WASN'T SHINY TICKETS IT WAS GIDEL?!#MY BOY#MY BEAUTIFUL MAGICAL FELINE BOY#i mean i'm assuming at this point but that seems to be the implication#genuinely kind of shocked that they actually WERE being magicked into being extra gullible#it was ✨foreshadowing✨ all along...#the blot though! what about the blot!#is that going to be an issue or are we going to have enough to deal with already!#i have rocketed from 'i find these villains entertaining' to 'i am suddenly incredibly invested in them as characters'#LOOK there is one thing better than characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships#and that is characters with sort of unhealthy codependent relationships but TWIST IT'S NOT THE WAY YOU THINK#nyeeheeheeeeeee
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Unknown, the Wandering Hero
So! We all know the typical Vivisection AU, right? Danny is revealed to his parents and they take it in all the wrong ways. They capture him, Vivisect him, and eventually he manages to escape with the help of his friends.
But what about his Rouges?
Sure, we all like to think of some of the more friendly ones like Ember, or Sydney, or Johnny 13 and Kitty, but he has WAY more Evil Rouges than good ones.
Without Danny there to reign them in, the Rouges spread out across the world to fulfill their obsessions, unhampered by the Heroes and Villains of the world that have no means to fight them.
And Danny? He feels responsible. He was the one to open the Gate, he was the Sacrifice, the one to let them through. And when the going got tough he just up and left? No, that won't do.
His Obsession is Protection for a reason, and nothing has changed. All he needs to do is expand his area of focus a little.
Danny, after healing up, starts wandering the world in search of the Ghosts who have escaped into the Mortal Realm. He battles all of his old foes, as well as many new ones who he hadn't met before.
His travels take him far and wide.
He defeats Skulker in Metropolis, as he is trying to hunt down the Super Family for their pelts. They are the last of their race after all, so he is inclined to try and hunt them. Honestly dealing with Skulker was easy, dealing with the Rich Asshole who was funding him was a nightmare.
He chases down Spectra in Gotham as she tries to feed on the misery of an entire City. (Thanks to @impyssadobsessions for the idea, this Prompt specifically). She is actually a very tough fight, especially powered by both the Misery of an Entire City as well as his Own Misery, but he manages.
He defeats Technus is Central City, as he tries to Raid Star Labs for their advanced Tech. It actually took a while to beat him after he amped himself with all that Power, and he did need help from the Local Hero to deal with him. He's just thankful Technus is one of the more "Harmless" ones.
After every Victory, he sends them back to the Realms using the Banishing Spell that Sam taught him a while back (the only bit of magic he ever really managed to master).
He knows they'll eventually find their way back out, but it's all he can do anymore. It's his eternal Punishment for unleashing them out into the World in the first place. He was the Catalyst for this Situation, now he was tasked with Fixing it, no matter how long it took.
...
The Justice League is caught in a tricky situation a the moment.
In the past few months, they have been encountering more and more of these Extra Dimensional Beings known as Realms Ghosts across the World.
Justice League Dark has had some success in battling them, but even they are getting tired of having to deal with every single incident alone.
They did get approached by a Government Agency known as the Ghostly Investigation Ward that seemed to want to help, but it didn't take long to realize that their main Aim was to Genocide the entire Race. The JLA had quickly cut ties after realizing that, and took what little Tech and Information they had been able to gather.
Still, it wasn't easy to deal with these Entities.
Thankfully, they have had some outside help. An Unknown Being has been routinely showing up whenever a Realms Ghost appears and defeating them, before using a (as described by Constantine) "Rudimentary Banishing Spell held together by willpower and luck" to send them back to their home Dimension. There's honestly no way it should be functional, but he did make it work either way.
They don't know much about this Unknown, aside from the fact that he seems to be the only one able to consistently damage the Realms Ghosts. His Powerset leads them to belive he may be from the same Dimension, or at least drawing his power from the same Source, but as he actively avoids the League and takes every opportunity to not talk to them, they know they aren't getting any answers any time soon.
Over the past few months, they had affectionately started referring to him as Unknown, creative they know, because they could never get his Real Name. Sure, some of the Realms Ghosts seemed to recognize him, but they always called him stuff like "Whelp" and "Punk" and "Usurper", which were not very good names to use when referring to him. Although the last one was a bit concerning.
They had only managed to trade a few quick words with Unknown in the past few months, but it was enough to get the Gist of it. He was just doing his job, sending the Realms Ghosts back where they belonged. There was apparently a Tear in Reality letting them through, but he seemed hesitant to reveal what he knew about it.
After a few months of sparse interactions, they eventually managed to convince him to at least take an Emergency Communicator. Just in case. They even let him take it apart to look for any Tracking Devices, which earned them a small bit of trust. They took whatever wins they could.
Fortunately, it seemed he never did need it. In fact he was getting more and more efficient with every battle, defeating his foes in half the time it would have taken before.
Unfortunately, it didn't last forever. One day, the Communicator went off, a distorted voice quickly saying, "Need backup, some of them decide to Team Up" before cutting out.
They quickly rushed to his location, finding an active battlefield with no less that a dozen Ghosts battling Unknown. And he seemed to be on the ropes.
With their arrival, the combined force of the Justice League and Unknown eventually managed to defeat the Group of Ghosts. Justice League Dark volunteered to work on the Banishing Spells while the others cleaned up the damage from the Battle.
One of them approached Unknown to make sure he was ok, and froze.
During the battle, Unknown's Mask had been Torn off, and they could finally see the face of the Hero they had been working with for the past few months.
And he was a Child.
#Dp x dc#Dpxdc#Dc x dp#Dcxdp#Danny Phantom#Dc#Dcu#Vivisection AU#Wandering Hero AU#Danny's Hero name is Unknown#Danny isn't in a good place right now#He has an unhealthy mix of a Savior Complex and Survivors Guilt#He believes that this is all his fault and none of this would have ever happened if he hadn't been stupid enough to step in the Portal#Danny is of course Wrong since he parents would have eventually made the Portal work whether he stepped in it or not#And in that scenario there would have been nobody who could stop the Ghosts at all and they would have run rampant#The JLA is horrified that they let a child fight their battles for this long#Of course they understand him since they are the exact same but they still feel bad for not supporting him more#(As if Danny would have let them)#Whether Danny let's himself be taken in by the League or runs away from his problems again is up to whoever picks up this post#I leave it humbly in your hands
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me @ clint barton every second of every day
#marvel#west coast avengers#hawkeye#clint barton#comics#i love him so much it’s unhealthy#thank you for being my favorite character of all time and my happy place and my safe space and the platonic loml
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I hope we can hear md news soon because holy God, I can't stand the exposeds and dramas that this fanbase decides to do on a daily basis
I can't stand seeing unsupervised children on the internet wanting to act like heroes of the day, please shut up and start talking about the show again😭😭😭
#murder drones#glitch productions#saly rambles#mdtwt is horrible#everyone likes to point fingers at each other instead of solving things normally#this makes the community an unhealthy place to live#and also some people should learn to just forget or ignore things (especially when they are not a big problem)#Not to mention the people who consider others to be the antichrist simply because they made a mistake or said something they didn't like.#It's like all these problems would be solved if people weren't stupid and decided to chat in DM or calmly correct/teach people#sometimes I feel strange for thinking like this...
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so! saw you mentioned jjk, so if you wanna talk about it, whats your thoughts been on it so far?
Was waiting to answer this until I finished S2, which I just did.
It's incredible. It's an amazing work of art. Some of the best fighting animation I've ever seen in an anime, some of the best fight scenes period, non-stop gripping and thrilling and incredibly exciting. Gorgeous, cool as fuck, a lot of fun. Binged it and was extremely unwilling to do anything other than watch it. Real 'wander out of my room, rant to my roommates about how good it is, ignore their confused looks and wander back in my room to continue binging' energy.
Beyond that, my thoughts are a bit complex and difficult to put into words. It's great at a lot of things besides action - it has great characters, humor, world-building, everything. I would like to see more of the other things it's good at, and I think that would elevate the fight scenes a lot. I won't go into a tangent about what makes "a good action movie", but basically in good action work the action scenes need to have a lot of weight. S2 was basically 15 episodes of the climax of an incredible action movie, and a lot of the fight scenes would have been stronger if there was greater buildup or a more coherent escalation (Mahito loses every fight, which makes it hard to take his very lengthy subsequent fights seriously)(Gojo himself is a mystifying choice)(My only coherent thought for two episodes straight was 'Mahito just fucking die already'). My personal belief about arcs in serialized works is that they should work as full stories in isolation and have a coherent beginning, middle, climax, and end; one that still slots into the greater narrative of the serialized work and meaningfully develops the characters, world, and overarching plotline. S2 was, again, 15 episodes of climactic fight scene. But the climactic fight scenes were so fucking good.
It's a lot of things that I normally like in theory and are extremely bored of in practice. JJK really lived up to the theory of "what if a shonen action anime was only action and it was so so so so so good". If you do want an example of mangakas who do work that's 95% action that's skimpy on characters/plot/etc but still feel like an extremely complete experience, I recommend Nightow's Blood Blockade Battlefront.
Lots of criticism on a show I fucking loved, but you are talking to someone for whom "they punched so good and then the explosions were so pretty and I pumped the air and was satiated by the violence" is a 5/5 glowing four thumbs up review. The characters themselves were so endearing and fascinating and charismatic, which is an understated but important aspect of an action work. They don't have to be deep or complex, but you do have to get me invested in them and make them fun to watch. It also has incredible and well-utilized women, which esp in male oriented work I do genuinely consider a barometer of quality - not 'badass women automatically makes something good', but 'a creator who can write every character well is good at creating characters and if you can't create all your characters well or feel uncomfortable with portraying half the population then you aren't good at creating characters'.
Geto/Gojo will never be KakaObi and you are all lying to yourselves.
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yet again nobody out there does it like naruto.#(it being the most unbelievably unhealthy toxic codependent yaoi)#the fic game for jjk is pretty weak which makes me sad.#horniness level very directly correlated to how weak something is.#if you have good recs let me know#my asks#jjk could do a fucking TOURNAMENT ARC and id watch it and enjoy every minute#that's how good it is. a tournament arc.#anime is constantly out here like 'hey do you want me to be something that you love the most.'#'do you want me to do it so so bad.'#yall are all nuts though you care about the weirdest things#I want to watch Sukuna punch so so so so so many things#I want to watch Sukuna make so many explosions#I want to watch 20 episodes of Sukuna just destroying people places and things#what are YOU caring about here. x reader for WHAT.
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there's something terribly soft about sukugo, which i think is very interesting when put beside the conception that exists of their characters, or really, what their characters actually are and stand for.
bc sukuna and gojo are the strongest. they represent jujutsu in its entirety and carry the true essence of it in their selves. they are jujutsu personified.
and the world of jujutsu is not easy, it's cold and ruthless and destructive. and they are the pinnacle of this endlessly cruel world, drenched in death and everything that jujutsu entails, capable of so much destruction and horror (are even considered to be inhuman)
but then, their relationship with each other, is not so.
it's... the opposite. their relationship is one of joy, of fulfillment, and love. it's not destructive, it's not cold or ruthless. it's warm and loving and constructive. there's a thread of tenderness that laces all their interactions, from the very first till the very last.
and you can really see it in the entirety of their confrontation. it's joyous, they're ecstatic. even in the end, when sukuna finally kills gojo. it's all warmth. it's all love. gojo's death isn't sad. it's joyful. he dies with a smile on his face. sukuna smiles back at him. they give each other, not take from each other. gojo gives love and sukuna gives love back. and that's what ultimately leads to the culmination of their battle. gojo dies for that love, by that love.
#but it's still all love.#there's genuine fondness between them!!! they LOVE each other!!!#it's all so. idk if to say out of place. but it kinda is?#like there's this whole situation going on at large that agonizes the other characters. that threatens everything. that's the reality of th#ir world#but then they're just there. pouring love at each other. smiling at each other.#it's out of place. jujutsu is a cold world. this kind of warmth seems unfit.#f.txt#jjk#sukugo#gosuku#like i was thinking about how it's kinda funny that they're so fucked up and THEM. but still i really love thinking about soft sukugo.#and giving it thought i realize that no. they ARE soft. they are genuinely SOFT.#they're fucked in the head yes. they're jujutsu sorcerers. that's the whole thing#but they're capable of love. and they DO SHOW It. they give it to each other.#fsjdfhdsjf sukugo is kinda one of those ships that LOOKS fucked up and unhealthy but is actually really wholesome lmaoo#they have nasty crazy bloody sex. they completely tear each other apart#but then they kiss each other's foreheads so softly and lovingly and smile into each other's lips
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sam externalizes blame for all the things he hates about himself and dean internalizes blame for his.
#saw yet another post about sam feeling unclean and yeah i mean i see it#(although i think we give that a lot of weight considering it was brought up like. thrice)#but he doesn't think he has anything to do with that#it's his responsibility to fight the evil#but all the evil in him was placed there by someone else#and he doesn't think he can contribute to it#and dean is like. everything bad in the world is my fault actually#to be clear. both of these are incredibly unhealthy.#no one should do either of them!!!#but i do think it's interesting re: sam and accepting responsibility and apologizing#posting something slightly mean about sam in the light of day please PLEASE don't hate me#spn
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Betty is so relatable I would do the same shit for my wife
#simon petrikov#original#at#the moment where she declares that she's jumping into the future to save him. just pure save-husband impulse#and maybe she made the wrong choice but I felt the emotion in my gut and that's good tragedy baby#I would do the same thing and then be in the future and realize I probably fucked up but also what else could I do but#devote my entire life and sanity to saving her after I have destroyed every other option??#it's not healthy necessarily but a fucking apocalypse happened and her wife is in eternal torment. what else could she possibly do??#I'm just obsessed with the attitude she has towards saving him and how it turns from joyful heroism to unhealthy obsession#I have a much healthier relationship with my wife. but also she's never been driven mad by a magical crowd for a thousand years!#and Betty did it!! y'all can argue about whether Ice King was better than Simon and I think he must make peace with every part of himself#but it is extremely consistent in the original series that being Ice King is basically this existentially horrifying Eternal torture#so the fact that someone who loved him decided they would save him from that at all costs is very sad and very beautiful#beautiful because no one deserves to suffer forever. tragic because she was far to willing to take his place if she had to.#betty grof#fionna and cake#golbetty#golb#*driven mad by a magical crown#you forgot your floaties#edit: upon rewatching every episode with betty in it i will say i don't think i would be so hellbent on murdering the person she had become#betty does act selfishly and it makes her character more compelling#but i like to think if my wife went banana-pants ice-king-level bonkers i would be able to love that version of her too#but who's to say whether this story would be the reason I responded differently?#it's a good story
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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another comfort media. crash bandicoot cutscenes
#relic answers#I know I know I keep mentioning that damn game#but it is my Faborite Game Series of All Time so like#what do you expect#also can you tell I’m not doing well rn. going through my comfort media ajdnkcmckfmekskjxjxjenwjsjde#anyway. the animation on crash 4 is incredible I wish it was on a better game with a better story#WOAH HOT TAKE ALERT ‼️ 🚨 ‼️ 🚨#crash 4 was genuinely amazing as a revival of the series#as a game itself? perhaps it is my nostalgic bias speaking but it could have been better in some places#I am saltiest about coco. why does she look act and sound like a DreamWorks character (derogatory)#I miss when she was voiced by Debby Derriberry 😔#I know she was in like the n sane trilogy + ctrnf but that was still with her dreamworks personality#I need. her crash nitro kart personality#where she was cutie and sweetie :> and also beat ass when needed :> but also cutie and sweetie :>#it was a good contrast against crash’s wild personality#meanwhile in crash 4 coco was like. confident and snarky#which like. good for her ig#I just personally prefer when she was the cute smart girl which contrasted the fact that she could beat ass#this coco you’d *expect* her to beat ass#which I guess is fine#I just prefer the older one#myself#personally#lol#uh if you read this far thanks i love the crash games and I could discuss them an unhealthy amount 👍
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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teehee i now have a very very wonderful photo
#me leaning and slightly sleeping on the guy i like#🤭🤭#for those who follow my lore closely (so i think only milo) this isn't the cute guy in history whom i have never spoken to#this is the now pretty close friend in my school friendgroup who i had a big crush on for a few months#i became less obsessed with him but that was definitely a good thing i think crushes get unhealthy when they're too strong#and i still think he's cute obviously i mean i liked him for looks alone the first couple weeks#anyway today at this party i was sitting next to him and ended up sleeping next to him three times in succession#i mean kind of sleeping looking back i probably did doze off at points but it was kindaaa fake sleep#first time i edged toward his shoulder but didn't fully have my head resting against it#then i ducked my head up and said i wasn't asleep just resting and we laughed a little#i think he said he wanted to draw on my face avjddhbd#anyway second time my head inched toward his shoulder and was fully on there teehee#then when i ducked my head back up he was like awwe its okay and kinda tucked my head back against his shoulder#i was GEEKING bro 😭😭 i opened my eyes those three times when people questioned my sleepiness bc i could not keep a straight face#i was fighting to contain a grin the whole time#uuughh and he was saying how he didn't want to move and was getting people to pass him things abdjbdhd#he could have kicked me off but he didn't!! that's so cute#i was hoping someone would get a photo and a couple people did and they're so cute#gawwddd idk if now is the right time for anything but i really like him i enjoy his presence immensely#he's so nice he's not absolutely perfect of course but he's such a sweet guy#im thinking of that one tumblr relationship advice post about how the ancients didn't stumble across fully built temples#they found a flat place with good grass and water nearby they found a good place to build and then built#if there's any chance of things happening between us iiii think it's a good place to build#literally my only personal downsides for him are such minor things that could definitely change with age and maturing#it's just a lack of motivation or passion toward things and sometimes a bit of a lack of consideration#but i know im guilty of that too and he really is so nice he never acts maliciously#never at all augh he's so sweet
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i didnt really like the last scene of Primal (s2) but thematically it makes perfect sense and i can't be mad at it. Primal, besides being a visual delight of cartoonized gore & character design, is a story about the continuation of life. The second season could not make it more clear, with the emphasis put on the egg-laying scene, managing to imbue the long close-up of a cloaca with a sense of poetic wonder; and even more so, with the darwin episode, in which charles darwin explains primal theory before getting to play action hero. (this episode was honestly so shameless about having fun; it's a gem). This episode being the only one with dialogue that most of the audience would understand, as well as the only one breaking away from the main story, highlights its importance and makes it almost a demonstration of the series as a whole: one that openly chucks historical accuracy to the side to play with the concept of violence as a means of survival. what it doesn't mention, however, is the subsidiary theme of the importance of "family", aka the group one belongs to. It shines through with the main duo, and of course with the subplots of the giant and the vikings. With all this in mind, I can't argue against the thematic coherence and near necessity of the final sex scene--i may not have liked it, but it fits in with the narrative. As the caveman slowly dies from the wounds inflicted by the only being that could beat him (a godlike avenger), mira gazes at his paintings and gets a sense of his loneliness. They have travelled far together and while she may have found her village again, her previous lover is long dead. In many ways, they belong to one another and are "family" already (with the lizards too, of course). It's true that the scene, while quick, does not shy away in a classic fade-to-black--i'd call it off-puttingly intimate--but the series is very adult; it spreads intestines over just about every episode. And most of all, it's not grotesque or ridiculous--it's a tender rekindling of hope, symbolized by the dinosaur-riding daughter in the last images.
#trying to make my peace with this last scene sigh#i mostly feel like it confronted me with my discomfort with sex and the cognitive dissonance i tend to have#in which i will express disgust that is sometimes unwarranted. as sex is a human experience that has its place in narration like the rest#in this specific case primal was i think very much avoiding the trope of woman appears = immediate love interest#which was necessary imo bc primal partially appeals to somewhat unhealthy masculine ideals of bloody violent rage balanced by nothing else#and it could have easily turned 'just kinda edgy tho cool-looking male fantasy' exploiting the female character for tropes#which would have been boring at best as it'd run the risk of her being a cardboard cutout more than a character#whereas here she was used to further the general themes. which is way cooler and makes for a more rounded story.#conclusion: caveman & dinosaur action show made me have thought#pls watch primal. it's very good#primal#the associated tags are all kink lmao. sorry to intrude guys pls have fun#spear and fang#genndy tartakovsky's primal#chatterbones
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😠
#i wish i could at least afford to get noise cancelling headphones#those wont completely help me or solve my issues#i live in a place that is way too active for me who get so easily overstimulated by noise#like.. im like actually falling apart and im incapable of functioning like a normal person under these conditions lmao#i was abt to go into another rant abt it but theres no use i need to accept the situation#all i can do is to work towards a place where i have a job and money so i can move cities and apartments when i need to#this noise is killing me...#ear plugs dont work completely + it's not good for your ears to have smth inside of them all the time#trust me..... horrible things can happen to your ears 🥴#but noise cancelling headphones is better than being broken down by noise#then i could listen to ambience while studying/reading and music while on walks#i prefer natural silence :((( like soft noises in the environment#plus that isnt unhealthy for your ears... but it isnt possible bc im constantly on such high alert#and overstimulation bc CONSTANT FKN NOISE!!!!!!!!#then the alternative of listening to smth on noise cancelling headphones is better#but i cant afford it at all :(#the cheapest ones i can find are a little bit over 1/3 of my monthly food budget 🥴#and i ofc want them to be good enough that they work...#i dont wanna buy smth cheap that the quality is super bad or they break immediately#UGHHHHHHH i hte everything im considering just going deaf#but i wanna listen to music :(( and listen to threats. i dont wanna be deaf no#i just want some fkn peace and quiet
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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