#in all fairness these friends see hebrew in my bio so

[shalom-iamcominghome]

The hebrew mood where your friends send you random pictures with hebrew on it and ask you to translate it (and it's mostly religious-related lol) 🙏

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Taylor you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Selina Sapworthy

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Taylor! We are so excited to see you take on a muggleborn for the first time. The way you’ve written Selina, she’s unlike any character we’ve seen from you before and we’re really interested to see how you develop her and how she’s going to add to Aversio and the roleplay.

application beneath the cut 

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

It’s Taylor! 19, going by female pronouns and in the EST timezone

ACTIVITY

I’d say probably about the same as it is now. I do have my dips every once in awhile, but I have a pretty decent system to stay caught up.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

It was an Andromeda Black tag originally, but I’ve been here for almost two years.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I think I’m probably a combination of Harry and Ron. In a lot of ways I relate to them both in different ways; Harry I relate to in his upbringing and family always being difficult and more toxic than anything else - but his need to take care of everyone else, and sarcastic nature are also things I relate to strongly. And, with Ron, the feeling of being a failure or not living up to anyone else, that deep insecurity and the way he lashes out when he’s been hurt I understand a lot, especially since I get older.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing I can think of!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER  

Selina Adira Sapworthy

Selina - In French the meaning of the name Selina is: Latin caelum meaning sky or heaven. (x) Adira - of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Adira is “strong, noble, powerful” (x)

FACE CLAIM

Emeraude Toubia

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

When I started to consider the idea of going for a third character, there was a list; on the one hand, I thought the idea of playing somebody truly dark would be fun to go back to. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that as fun as writing truly dark characters (ie, Bellatrix) can be, it wouldn’t be a new challenge. And I wanted a new challenge. So I began looking through all of the open characters and came to the realization that writing a Muggleborn is something I haven’t done in far too long. So I began looking at open bios again, and Selina drew me in instantly.

The more I looked at Selina and began to really think about it, the more that she started to really speak to me. Here you have a woman who is so determined to make a difference that she never stops pushing herself to meet expectations that she places on herself. And they aren’t easy expectations by any means; she’s incredibly intelligent because being sub-par at anything makes her skin crawl. She’s so well-rounded and well-versed because to do anything less than would be a disservice to the gift she was given. Because that’s what being a witch is to her, a privilege. Here you have a woman who, as  a child, was loved but felt ordinary. And then she turned eleven. Then, she received a letter that changed her life. Suddenly the world opened up to so many new possibilities, so much new knowledge and opportunities for the young wide-eyed girl. Not taking full advantage of it would be the worst thing that she could do.

Selina’s intelligence was something she fought for, wanting to immerse herself in whatever she could possibly find about magic. Her family was entirely Muggle, it wasn’t as if they could ever teach her about it. If anything, they asked her about it more than anything else. She was the student who self-taught so she could debate with her professors during class - the first degree ‘self indulgent, insufferable know-it-all’ that Hermione is so frequently referred to as. There’s a reason people groan when Hermione raises her hand and recites things from memory: the staff has seen it before. In yet another Muggleborn Gryffindor who could be too smart for her own good.

She was never a stranger to the bigotry that came with being of Muggle heritage; people scoffed at her, every insult in the book was tossed at her. More than once Selina was told her blood was dirty, that she had no place in the magical world she was part of. For awhile, it got to her, but with time she realized that if anyone was without in the wizarding world it was the elitists that were afraid of anything they didn’t understand. That was when her skin grew thicker, and she decided if she was going to be seen as a disgusting Mudblood, she would go all out. So she outsmarted everyone she could find, made every Pureblood in her class despise her solely because she could. It became a sport more than anything else, proving she had just as much right to being a witch as anyone else.

But then she left school, and the war started. Suddenly her quick tongue and determination to hold  her own put her family’s life in jeopardy. Her parents were going  to be defenseless against magic if anyone chose to go after them, and it was as terrifying as it was disgusting. She sought out alliance the first chance she got. It wasn’t her fault Aversio got to her first, but she didn’t ever regret it. Joining the 'rebel forces’ gave her a chance to gain protection for her family - her parents and twin brothers, a set of siblings ten years younger and clearly a surprise. Selina vowed to protect them no matter the cost, even made an Unbreakable Vow to the organization. She fell into something that she couldn’t ever step out of, but it kept her family safe. And with any luck would end with change, making sure Muggleborns and anyone else could life freely.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Selina views romance as a waste of time in the current state of things. What good would falling in love do her right now? She has enough to worry about, trying to assist Aversio and win the war so that she won’t be indebted to anyone anymore, so her family can be free. Viewing herself as a woman, and being damn proud of it, and a firm believer in equality, Selina is pansexual but in the times she lives in, probably just considers herself someone attracted to anyone. Sex is a good way to blow off steam, but it’s no time for romance.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Pinterest Board

Playlist:

Nightmare - Arshad I’m living in a terrible nightmare This wicked little game I never wanted to play An answers gotta be somewhere out there Equations need solutions and we’ll solved it today

Deep Water - American Authors When it pulls me under, will you make me stronger Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water Take me farther, give me one day longer

Believer - Imagine Dragons I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been Second thing second Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be I’m the one at the sail, I’m the master of my sea

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - Digital Daggers Meet me in the gutter Make the devil your friend Just remember what I said Cause it isn’t over yet

- Leaving Hogwarts, Selina was sitting in a pub one night, angry at the way things were going when she was approached by one of the original Aversio members. It was then she was introduced to war and made a snap decision. She would join the war efforts if she could protect her family, so a decision was made. Selina would be among the brains of the operation, using her intelligence and loyalty to assist ending the war and they would, in return, protect her family. An Unbreakable Vow was made in secret, something she refuses to allow anyone to know of.  But the risk of her family being hurt or killed keeps her loyal, changing  her more than she expected.

- Selina goes on to write several books on Herbology and Divination, and is eventually honored in a portrait hung inside of Hogwarts castle. While these books haven’t been published yet, she works on them by continuing to study. Sometimes her work is used to assist Aversio, but her notes and research are scattered on stray parchment around her home. She isn’t sure what she’ll go use it for yet, but someday it’ll be put to use. That much she knows.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “Ooh, hm…if I could, I would probably create a potion using Devil’s Snare. Oh, don’t give me that look, it can have its uses.  It would be used for similar causes to Veritaserum, only instead of causing the drinker to tell the truth, it would punish them for lying. The Snare could constrict their insides if anyone tried to use deception. Of course, there would probably be a counter-solution to undo any damage from being too severe, but it could be useful, especially in current times.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: “I think I’d like someone like Aurora Sinstra with me if I was ever going back into that forest. Yes, I said 'back’ - I did have my moments of rebellion in school, let’s move on - and other than my wand, I think I’d like to have my potions set. You wouldn’t believe how much is in that forest that can be useful in creating new things.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? I find most decisions to be relatively simple in our current go of things. Though, I suppose…finding moral grey areas in situations where you have to find a way to be fair. What seems reasonable to one may not be to someone else. For example, I don’t see why anyone should make alliances they don’t plan on following through on, especially when you should know what you’re getting yourself into when you decide to pledge loyalty to something.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? That I was a coward. Mock my blood all you want, gods know nearly everyone has. But I’m no coward, I follow through, I fight. That’s all there is to it.

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Selina is angry. She’s distrustful of the Order and the alliance of Aversio, not understanding why anyone would wish to align themselves with people who don’t ever seem to do anything but make plans and sit on their hands. The fundraiser offers a chance to gather intel, but only if done correctly. And while the propaganda against Rodolphus Lestrange is hysterical, it only draws more attention to people who don’t seem to have a plan if retribution occurs. A firm believer in always having an idea of what you’re getting yourself into, Selina can’t help but think everyone around her has lost their minds and is growing more impatient by the day.

WRITING SAMPLE

The hall was dark and empty as she trudged along, her boots echoing on the wooden floors providing the only source of sound. On both sides of her flanked burly wizards she recognized by face alone. Her escorts into a situation that could no longer be backed out of. That was what Selina reminded herself of as she entered, finally recognizing the wizard who had recruited her in the first place. No turning back now.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly as she made her way into the dimly lit, otherwise vacant room. The men who had shown her in shut the door, one standing beside it as a guard while the other raised his wand and began twirling with boredom between his fingers as he watched Selina and his boss take each other in. A lump formed in her throat  as she remembered what she was about to do, but she was quick to force it back. There was no time to dwell on it now. All the secrecy and hushed plans had been leading to this. The promise that her family - her brothers, her father, her mother - would be protected was too powerful to pass up. They could never know what she had agreed to, would never understand. Selina herself, nineteen and defiant in all other forms of life, still had trouble with it.

Still, when presented with his hand, she placed her own inside. The third wizard raised his wand and gold coils began to wrap around Selina’s arm, connecting her to the man beside her. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one that never in her life had the young witch expected to ever feel. She had never believed there would be reason for an Unbreakable Vow, not until rumors of Muggle families dying had become more frequent. Lost in her thoughts, trying to adjust to the discomfort that accompanied the magic circling her arm, she barely recognized when it was her turn to speak. It was only when the man she was vowing loyalty to cleared his throat expectantly she snapped out of it. “Repeat that?” She managed, stumbling over the words while trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

And then there it was. The question. Do you promise to remain loyal, to assist our cause in whatever ways possible, as we proceed into the new age of war against Britain?

There it was. The lump again. There could be no turning back now, should she decide that this wasn’t what she wanted. If someday she was asked something she couldn’t do, it wouldn’t only be her own death  but the possibility of her family’s as well. That reminder served to steady her, the golden cords only seeming to tighten, anticipating the response.

Holding her chin up, Selina made sure to look both men directly in the eye before answering. “I will.”

[againjack]

Sunday I was feeling better. I did wait until after Hebrew class to make a decision. It wasn’t really Colby or what that decided me, it was my airbnb guests who were taking the BNB part way too seriously and driving me batty. I reached out and he told me when the games would begin. 

I made banana bread and my cheese stuffed figs wrapped in bacon to bring. The guests made a comment to someone in a phone conversation, “She loves to cook and the house smells great!” 

Colby is in a funk. All the busy and little and heavy stuff are getting to him. I’m not saying that as an excuse. I joked with him about how the figs and bread were apology offerings since I knew I was a bit emotional and dramatic lately. He didn’t even say thank you. 

Hanging with his friends was good. They were very happy to see me. We all had lots of good discussions. The gaming wasn’t one I enjoyed and after 4 rounds I bailed to sit and talk with someone else not gaming. The figs went quickly but the banana bread wasn’t touched, much to Colby’s delight. 

On the way back to his place he told me he had something we needed to talk about. He said it wasn’t bad.Then he went into a long diatribe about how he has been gathering data and trying to figure how to tell me this big deal thing. I told him to just say it after a few minutes of this and being tense. Turns out that the last few times I’ve slept over when I snuggle up to him after he snoozes the alarm puts him in a panic state. His mostly asleep brain doesn’t realize it is me and thinks it is a threat, which he then freezes and panics waiting for the alarm to go off again for an excuse to get up. He said it isn’t me, it is just that his brain isn’t awake enough to recognize that this presence isn’t going to hurt him. He said he knows that touch is an important thing for me, said that cuddling to fall asleep is ok, but first thing in the morning has to stop.

Being both a bio major and having more than my fair share of psychology basics I understand the lizard brain and especially its connection to the sleeping brain. Logically I get it. But it still hurt. When he asked if he shared it in a way that wasn’t hurtful I told him, “Yes but no.” Because while I logically get it, it really was a HUGE blow to me emotionally. 

Back at his place he did a bunch of stuff, we took care of the dog. Once the main things were done I took the dog upstairs with me while Colby was finishing up something. He went to putz on the computer doing HOA emails. I was super tired so I putzed on my phone in bed. I needed the separation rather than being in the same room with him. I needed to process the hurt. 

Once I finished things I did go into the office and watched tv while he finished up. The dog followed me in and I cuddled with the dog. Colby said he was done and walked out, just leaving me and the dog there. I get he was tired but it came across as rude. 

We crawled into bed together but he didn’t offer his arm to have me cuddle up to him, instead he went straight to being on his side. It was like he was trying to avoid cuddling at night too. So I didn’t bother. I just stayed on my side of the bed. 

I slept like crap, and was hesitant to take a second advil pm, even though it was 2am when I woke back up. When his alarm went off I just stayed there. I did say his name a few times because he wasn’t being woken by his alarms and it is annoying for an alarm to just keep going off continuously for several minutes. It took  him over an hour to get out of bed. Not once did I try to cuddle up. 

While showering I began an on again, off again internal conversation about is this better than being single? Weighing the pros and cons, thinking about various little things and feels. 

While making his morning coffee he told me that he wouldn’t be joining me for the festival this weekend. He just had “too much going on.” He said he would come up my way to use a restaurant coupon deal thingie sometime this week. I asked him if it would be another “wham, bam, thank you ma’am.” He had no idea what I meant then got angry because he can’t leave the dog for that long. I said I got that, I wasn’t asking him to stay the night but for some quality time or to at least pick me up like a proper date. He then deflected that he knew I had some tasks for him to do around the house. I... really? He thinks I just want him to come to my house for chores? How... how could he? 

After walking his dog together I bailed. Normally if we do that together I’ll come inside with him and leave when he does. I just couldn’t. 

Driving home I was on the verge of tears several times. All I could think was this was one step too far. It felt like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I used to say that if I had enough cuddles I could put up with not having sex. I’m past being angry. I’m sorta even past being saddened. I’m more apathetic and closer to accepting that things are done. Yeah, it is only a hair better to be with him than single, but that hair is only enough to stick around. Not that I expect anything to change or anything I say or do to change things.

I woke with a nasty headache. Over the day it just kept getting worse and I was getting nauseated. I reached out via gchat. We talked a bit, but he mentioned how he couldn’t wake up (he slept like a log, not even rolling over). Not a “I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well” or any sympathy. So I didn’t give him any back. We did chat off and on about nothing important. 

At one point he sent me a link asking if I liked a dining chair. He has been wanting/needing to replace his for reasons. I was sorta chuffed that he wanted my opinion almost as if he wanted my buy in because we might share a place in the future. Except, I think that was all on me. He just wanted to bounce the idea off of me, not really caring what I thought. I bit back a response that if we move in together we’ll have plenty of tables and chairs and that his set is the most likely one to go (to storage, consignment, good will.) I told him to hold off that I can keep an eye in my consignment shopping for things for him. 

I’ve kinda developed some rules over time. Unless things are just unbearable you can’t break up with someone the month of your birthday, their birthday, or from November 1 to March 1. This is his birthday month. So I just have to go with it for a few more months. Bonus it allows me time to build distance and to not have lingering plans or gifts afterwards. 

He isn’t ready for a relationship. He can’t take ownership, instead putting it off on all these other things happening as excuses. He isn’t empathetic or sympathetic. He doesn’t care about my needs or wants. So what is the point?