#in addition i think butches are so handsome and beautiful. and they really are onto something with the layering and functional clothes

[iclimbtreestofeelalive]

i love you butches. you are so so important to me, we look just alike and i think that makes us cousins. butches have helped me approach my masculinity in ways that feel good and true; the writing that starts "my definition of butch includes chivalry" and ends "i was a little knight by the campfire" gets so much closer to who i am as a person than anything else ive read. i think that instead of defining boundaries between each other, we should get together and sit around campfires and wrestle and trade skills with each other. and i think the world would be better for it

[foxedthecards]

🖋️ for Mr Fox & 📖 for Jonas? :3

It's been a few days since the bar incident occurred and needless to say in the wake of that, there's been such a flood of feelings that Jonas can't possibly amend them to just a single entry in his black book. He's misplaced that anyways, hasn't been able to find it in months.

Maybe he ought to just start keeping a personal journal? Hm.

In the meantime he's sitting on his bed, pen in hand and well worn notebook in the other. His notebook is one he tends to use for working out performances, so it's full of notes and doodles and such. He flips it open to a blank page, sits there a minute collecting his thoughts and then starts writing.

My heart gets me into trouble all the time and it's trying to do it again. Only this time instead of falling for a creep who got off on hurting me I'm falling for a goddamn hero of a cowboy who deserves so much better than me.

Butch saved my ass. But all I keep thinking is that he shouldn't have. I'm weak and I'm a coward and I'm so pathetically needy I go panting like a dog in heat after anyone who pretends like they love me. That's what got me in trouble with Cooper. And it ended up hurting the last person in the world I wanted to hurt. I know he got hurt. Not only from the fight but I remember seeing the knife stuck in his shoulder. I should make myself take a look at it fuck what if it gets infected or something? he's such a darling man, such a goddamn handsome man too. I don't have enough paper in this notebook to write out about how wonderful he is. I want to fix him breakfast every morning. I want to take him everywhere he wants to go in vegas and spoil him rotten. I want to listen to him rambling on and on in that cute drawl of his and stare into those beautiful blue eyes. I want to kiss him breathless. And it's a given but I want to do dirty things with this man. I want to take him into my bed and see how many times I can make him scream yeehaw. Honestly I feel like he'd do it if I asked him to but it's weird that...I can't. I'd usually never have any issue with it everyone enjoys and deserves a good fuck right? I think with him I'm afraid to though. Afraid that once it gets to that point I won't be able to deny to myself anymore about being stupid in love with this wonderful man who doesn't feel the same way. And I keep feeling like he's gonna figure me out eventually, see me for the lame steer I am. He deserves someone who can match him, someone he doesn't have to keep grabbing up by the scruff of the neck out of the shit that they've made for themselves. He deserves someone better.

Jonas snapped the notebook shut and his forehead dropped against it for a long moment. He exhaled a long sigh and then moments later jerked his head up to hear a familiar tap tap tapping on the balcony window door. Ah. Speak of the devil...

He couldn't help it. A small smile crossed his face. He hastily tossed the notebook over onto the desk and slid off the bed to go let him in.

***

Far back in the corner of his closet, fallen behind the shoe organizer, Jonas's lost little black book lies, open to the entry about Butch back when he first met him. A very brief and favorable little first impression of his personality and his looks with the addition of 'fuck I really was staring at his butt wasn't I? Has he got an actual tail back there?'

What's really interesting is the lines underneath it. Again they...sort of look like Jonas's handwriting but weirdly neat and old-fashioned. They are...considerably less favorable towards Butch.

Veering between thinking him an utter oaf and a cunning scoundrel. The noise in my head when I am around him is unbearable and makes me feel all the more irritated towards him. He's not deceiving me. I know that amicable friendliness is a sham and it will come out eventually.