#in a world where so much is focused on how there are no pure things left anymore

[luvmanifesting]

“But Nothing’s working!!”

LOA explained

Pure consciousness explained

Well duh you made that assumption so now nothing is going to work for you. The sad part about this community is most of you are searching for the same thing over and over and over when creators are literally giving you the answers IN their blogs. like what more do you want? Do you want someone to say you need to listen to 432HZ to manifest your goals? that you need to dance in circle and chant 999 times for your desires? No. The Law of assumption is literally always active. like ALWAYS. Everything you assume is going to be put out there because its an assumption.

What really irks me is when people say you have to “gaslight” yourself into thinking you have your desire, which kind of contradicts the whole point of law of assumption, why would you need to gas light yourself if you know you already have it..? yeah.. those two things don’t mix. Let me go over what an assumption is.. which clearly seems so hard for this community to understand.

The Law of Assumption is when you assume something to be true without needing proof.. Why do you lack critical thinking skills when the whole law basically explains what it is.

You don’t get what you want. You get what you decide. Why is the law of assumption being so overly complicated for no reason. None of yall did this with the Law of Attraction so why are you doing this with the Law of Assumption?? This also goes with inducing pure consciousness.. i hate bringing this topic up so much because people will take my words and make it into the world’s hardest problem in history. Imagine one day you DECIDE to induce pure consciousness and you say “hmm okay today i induced pure consciousness instantly! :D” And then imagine you get comfy and just breathe and then you suddenly induce the pure consciousness. wow so easy right? because you didn’t say “i want to induce pure consciousness” instead you said it like it ALREADY happened. Wants and Decisions are very different so keep that in mind.

What is pure consciousness? basically just a state detached from the physical world NO you’re not leaving the physical world, no you’re not teleporting, you’re basically in like a state of where worries don’t exist and you’re your “highest” self.

Clearing up misinformation.

No you don’t have to be in a deep relaxation

No you don’t need subliminals

No you don’t need a “void” routine

No you don’t need sats

No you don’t need to affirm mindlessly throughout the day

No you don’t need to meditate

No you don’t need frequencies

No you don’t need to be lucky

Yes you can swallow

Yes you can move

Yes you can breathe

Yes you can have inner conversations

Yes you can count to 2 billion

No it won’t start over if you sneeze

You’re literally human doing any of these things won’t affect your outcome when inducing pure consciousness. Whoever said you need to be lucky is beyond stupid btw. Whoever said you need symptoms to induce it, is… WRONG!! you are taking pure consciousness and seeing it as the most hardest thing in the world when its not, you literally induce pure consciousness when you’re asleep you’re just unaware because you’re sleeping.

Example putting the sleep state and pure consciousness (they are not the same thing but do have similar remedies). Imagine you’re getting ready to sleep after showering and doing your nightly routine if you have one. Your main goal after all of that is to just basically GO to sleep right? you’re not even worried about how you’re going to go to sleep you’re just going to do it. Now imagine you’re going and inducing pure consciousness what you should mainly be focused on is NOTHING, not time, not what, if, how, it, so, why, then, where. NO! just let go guys..

Just Breathe, its okay you will (WRONG WORD) you already have it all, just live. its okay reminder the 4D is the true reality and the 3D has no choice but to reflect to what is shown in the 4D or what is SAID by you.

[solomonomenon]

Can you do each skz how they're in bed? <3

how are skz in bed?

⚠️ for entertainment purposes only *based on tarot

𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣

he’s like the ultimate romantic. he’s all about creating that perfect moment where everything just feels right—emotionally and physically. picture him setting the mood with soft lighting, maybe a cozy atmosphere, and wanting to give you that feeling of connection, satisfaction, and happiness. he’s not rushing it, he wants you to feel cared for, loved, and like you’re in this together. think slow, passionate kisses, wrapped up in each other’s arms, where it’s more than just sex—it’s bonding.

𝙡𝙚𝙚 𝙠𝙣𝙤���

he is serious about his skills. he’s not just jumping into it, this guy knows what he’s doing. he’s the type who’ll take the time to figure out what turns you on, what makes you tick. he’ll remember that one spot on your neck or how you like to be touched and get better every time. it’s all about the little things like making sure you’re comfortable and giving you that satisfied feeling without ever rushing. he might even be the type to get a little creative and try out new things to keep it fresh. no half-assing here, just pure dedication.

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙗𝙞𝙣

he’s all about pushing boundaries and seeing where the adventure takes him. he’s probably got a bit of a wild side, always looking to try new things—whether it’s different positions, new locations, or just a more daring approach. his energy screams explorer, so in bed, he’s the type to take charge and bring you on an exciting ride. imagine him setting the pace and making sure you’re always craving more, constantly wanting to keep it exciting and fresh. one minute you’re in the moment, and the next, you’re both exploring something completely new. he’s not afraid of a little spontaneity.

𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙣𝙟𝙞𝙣

he’s the passionate lover who’s all about making you feel like the only person in the world. he’s probably into the kind of sex that’s intense and romantic at the same time—imagine him showering you with compliments, deeply kissing you like he means it, and setting an emotional tone that makes the entire experience feel electric. he might want to take his time with you, going slow and making sure everything feels right. you’re not just physically there, he wants you to feel that deep, emotional connection. think candle-lit vibes, soft whispers, and him making sure he’s bringing you the ultimate pleasure, body and soul.

𝙝𝙖𝙣

he’s the type who might not say a lot, but you’ll feel everything. he probably doesn’t like to rush into things, he’ll be more focused on the quiet intensity between the two of you. his energy is subtle, but it’s magnetic, like he can sense exactly what you need without even asking. he’s not all about talking, he lets his touch, his eyes, and the chemistry between you speak louder. it’s deep, intuitive, and can feel almost otherworldly like you’re both on the same wavelength, lost in the moment. think of him guiding you into a sensual, almost hypnotic experience where everything feels intimate and natural.

𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙭

he’s the type who can switch between playful, passionate, and tender without missing a beat. imagine him being spontaneous, one minute he’s teasing you with sweet kisses, the next he’s flipping you over, giving you that rougher energy. he knows how to keep things balanced and exciting, making sure you’re both getting what you need without it ever feeling too much. he’s flexible, adaptable, and knows how to keep things in sync between you two. expect him to keep you on your toes, always switching things up to keep it fresh and never boring.

𝙨𝙚𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙢𝙞𝙣

he’s fiery in bed, and he knows it. he’s got that “I know what I want” energy and won’t shy away from showing you just how confident and passionate he can be. he’s probably not the quiet type and he’s more likely to take control, leading the way and making sure you’re both getting exactly what you want. everything he does is purposeful, intense, and you’ll feel that energy building the whole time. picture him teasing you, getting you to beg for more, and giving you that dominant-but-sexy vibe that makes you feel both excited and a little breathless.

𝙟𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙞𝙣

this guy is a bit more reserved, especially at first. he’s probably not rushing into things, he wants to make sure he’s comfortable and emotionally secure before he fully lets go. he might hold back just a little, but once he feels safe, it’s a different story. he’s probably someone who wants to take care of his partner, making sure you feel stable and taken care of in the moment. expect a slower, more intimate experience, where he’s giving you just as much attention and care as he’s receiving. but don’t mistake the calmness for lack of passion, once he’s fully comfortable, he’s all in.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

[arty-cakes]

i finally got around to centaurworld's finale and holy fucking shit??? they can go that hard??

[regularbeans]

TLOU SPOILERS

ive never been Less mad about a change in an adaptation than i am about Bill and Frank's story. the way Frank ends up in the game is so cruel and we part ways with Bill being an even more bitter person, knowing that they had a relationship that Frank would rather have died than stay in. ive never been too mad about it, bill had fun banter with ellie, he was a fun character, the parts of the game in his town were fun so i remember it fondly.

so to get what the show gave us, im just. not even mad. like when frank drank his last glass of wine i was like "bill will want to do the same" and then it turns out he already did and im like of cOURse. and then i was like... will he... stay alive somehow? like it wasnt enough for him????? i was thinking maybe he survives by accident so he takes it as a sign to stay alive etc etc

but nop.

boom.

they died in each others arms. absolutely. BEAutiFUl and heart-wrenching. thank you.

[brokenmenswhore]

Hiiii!! I love your writing and I have a request for Best Friend x Reader where Reader has had a crush on James for years and thought he never noticed because he was way to focused on Lily. But in reality he had been in love with her from the second they met on the train but every time je was almost caught he’d look to the closest person by you, which was usually Lily. Maybe smut too if possible. Thank you!!!!

i love this request!! james is just so 🥺🫶🏻❤️‍🩹

the closest thing | james potter

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

warnings: smut (MDNI 18+)

────── ☾ ──────

“Hey, can I sit here?”

You were eleven. The boys in the train compartment all turned their heads toward you. One boy in particular, with brown curly hair and glasses, stood and approached the door.

“Hi, I’m James,” he said, sticking his hand out for you to shake and giving you a warm smile.

You told him your name and sat down across from him.

That’s when the crush started.

Through your first few years at Hogwarts, you and James grew extremely close, and became borderline inseparable. He was your best friend in the world, and you were his. Your infatuation grew with time, watching as he grew up and came into his own, his features morphing and sharpening with age.

When you were thirteen, you met Lily. She had been sorted into Gryffindor the same year as you and James, but you never spoke until your third year. She was charming, pretty, and loved a good laugh. You and her became fast friends, and you introduced her to James.

Whenever you sat in a group for breakfast, you would steal glances at James, who would be looking at Lily next to you. During classes, when you sat between them, you could feel James’s head turn toward you, but if you looked back at him, he was staring straight across you, fixated on Lily as she tucked a piece of fiery red hair behind her ear.

For years, you watched him gawk at her, and it caused you to hold your tongue about your developing feelings for him. Your friendship was so pure, it wasn’t worth ruining with a confession, especially if it would lead nowhere. Why tell him you liked him, just for him to tell you he liked Lily?

By the time you were sixteen, James was on top of the world as captain and seeker of Gryffindor Quidditch. He, along with Sirius and Remus, knew everyone and everything happening at Hogwarts. James in particular was the top of the class, and often had to help you with assignments. He still maintained your friendship, working to make time for you, but his popularity meant one thing you hated: attention from girls.

Girls often threw themselves at him, as they did Sirius, but he mostly turned them away. Waiting on Lily, you thought.

You and James had fun, and you made a habit of jumping on his back and making him carry you around. You weren’t much different in size, but he liked showing off how strong he was, and you liked wrapping your body around him.

Girls would often approach him, and when he entertained their attention, you would complain, “James, I’m getting loopy.”

James would bend over slightly, continuing to talk to the girl in front of him as you jumped on his back. He would hook his arms underneath your legs, your arms wrapping around his neck.

“Gotta go,” James would say, dismissing himself as he stood tall, walking completely unobstructed with your weight on his back.

“You’re a child,” he laughed.

“Can’t help when I’m tired,” you would say, resting your head on his shoulder.

One afternoon, you were taking a walk on the grounds to find a quiet place in nature to study, and you saw James and Lily alone together. It would seem innocent to anyone else; they were side by side and just talking and laughing, but to you, it was so much more. James looked enamored, like he was the happiest he’d ever been, as they strolled along the path together. You desperately wanted to know what they were talking about, but you didn’t want to expose yourself for liking James, so you simply turned around and retreated back to the castle.

You were upset, but you knew you had no right to be. James wasn’t yours, and you had never told Lily of your feelings. If they liked each other, there was nothing you could do. Nothing, except, of course, pushing it down and asking Remus out.

“You’re kidding,” Remus said, shocked by your request.

“It’s just a trip to Hogsmeade, Remus, it’s really not that big of a deal.”

“You’re crazy if you think I’m saying yes.”

“Well that’s pretty rude,” you scoffed.

“No! Not like that, I just mean-“ Remus’s voice trailed off as you listened intently, “you’re James’s best friend.”

“Technically so are you,” you responded.

“But he, like— whatever. Not a date?”

“Not a date, sure,” you clarified, honestly just happy to accept the company, “just two friends hanging out. That’s a thing girls and boys can do, right?”

Remus looked at you strangely. “Yeah?”

You smiled at him, telling him you’d see him later that night before walking away. Sirius slapped his arm. “James is gonna kill you, you know,” he said.

Remus just shrugged. Of course he knew that James liked you, and always had, but this wasn’t a date, so what did it matter? He was also allowed to be friends with you.

You and Remus enjoyed the evening walking through the streets of Hogsmeade and sharing a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks, and you fought with every cell in your being to avoid bringing up James. Every time Remus tried to, you shut him down and changed the subject. You wanted to vent about him, but admitting your feelings to someone else made them all the more real, and you weren’t ready to face true rejection quite yet.

When you returned, you entered the common room together, and saw James and Sirius draped over the couch.

“Hey,” James said, sitting up as you both approached the couch, “where were you guys?”

“Just hanging out,” you shrugged nonchalantly, dropping down onto the couch next to him.

“I didn’t know you guys hung out, like, alone,” he said, forcing a small laugh on the last words to make them seem lighthearted.

“I didn’t know you and Lily hung out alone either,” you responded, catching his gaze for a full thirty seconds before you joked, “you just upset I finally have a friend that isn’t you or her?”

James forced a chuckle in response, but there was a slight bit of tension in the air between you both.

Things stayed the same as always as time passed. You hoped your time with Remus would spark some jealousy within James, but he didn’t seem to care. Every time you looked at him, his eyes were next to you and on Lily.

The one thing that did change, however, is James started throwing around a pet name for you.

You were excused from Potions one day to grieve the loss of your grandfather, who was an extremely important part of your life. You adored him, and you had a close relationship.

James found you alone in the west tower, crying at the bottom of the curved staircase.

“I figured something was up when you didn’t show,” he spoke, sitting down next to you, “what’s wrong?”

“My grandfather passed away this morning,” you explained, “I received word from my mother just before Potions. I just couldn’t bring myself to go.”

You wiped your nose with the back of your robe sleeve, taking a deep breath to calm your crying.

“Oh, angel, I’m so sorry.”

Your heart skipped a beat. James had never called you angel before. It felt so intimate, so endearing, and so personal. He threw around terms like “doll” and “baby” to other girls, but never angel.

You rested your head against his chest and calmed your breathing.

The next day, James missed you in the common room in the morning, first seeing you for the day in Defense Against the Dark Arts. “You doing okay, angel?” he asked.

You blushed at his words, and he caught it, but assumed it was because you were upset and fighting back tears. “I’m okay,” you smiled.

A few weeks later, James was shitfaced drunk at a Ravenclaw party, sat in a large group with you and your friends. You stood to get another bottle, and James called out to you, “Hey, angel, can you get me one too?”

That was the first time he ever used the term in front of Lily, or in front of anyone, and it slightly confused you, but also thrilled you. You handed him the bottle, and he watched you sink back down to the floor, sitting cross-legged next to Lily. When you met his gaze again, he diverted his attention to Lily, and you sighed.

He then started casually calling you angel.

It was nearing the end of your term, and therefore your time at Hogwarts, and your patience was gone. You had nothing to lose. If James was weird about it, or rejected you, you could just ice him out, and without Hogwarts, you could avoid ever seeing him again. That’s not what you wanted, but it was a possible worst case scenario.

After finals were over, you asked to speak to James alone.

You pulled him into a now-empty classroom, shutting the door behind you for privacy and taking a deep breath.

“Everything ok?” he asked, leaning back against one of the desks.

“I need to talk to you,” you replied.

“Yeah, I get that,” James giggled, “what’s up?”

Both of your hearts were pounding, and both of you assumed the feeling was solitary.

“I need to tell you something,” you said, your voice small and shaky.

“Okay, you’re kinda starting to scare me, angel.”

You took a deep breath, slowly exhaling as you tried to steady yourself. “You genuinely have no idea what I’m gonna say?”

James was slightly taken aback by your question. “I don’t remember doing anything bad.”

“No, James-“ you rubbed your hands over your eyes, desperate for him to understand you without you having to be clear or coherent at all. You didn’t want to say it out loud, you just wanted him to know already.

“I have no idea what’s going on,” he said.

You sighed. You closed your eyes and bowed your head, hoping you would be able to speak the words while simultaneously pretending he wasn’t there. “I like you.”

“Aweh, thanks, I like you too,” he said.

“No, oh my god-“ you spun around and paced for a moment, sighing loudly before stopping in front of him again. “No, like, I like you.”

“Oh.”

You looked up at him. That’s it? That’s all he had to say? Oh?

“Yeah.”

“I thought you liked Remus?” James spoke, confused by your confession.

“What would make you think I like Remus?”

“I don’t know, probably the dates you keep going on with him?” James threw his hands up, as if it was obvious.

“We’re just friends, I haven’t been-“ your voice trailed off for a moment. “James?”

He looked down at you expectantly. “Yeah?”

“I know we’ve been friends forever,” you started, “and I really don’t want you to hate me or this to be ruined, but term is ending, and you should probably know that I’ve had feelings for you since we first met.”

You exhaled, letting out a heavy breath that you weren’t aware you were holding in.

“I-“

You cut him off before he could respond, “and I know you like Lily, so I’m sorry I’m telling you this, I’m just kinda tired of holding it in.”

James furrowed his brows in confusion. “What?”

“I don’t want to fuck up whatever it is you two have going on,” you said, and it was genuine, “I know you really like her.”

James tilted his head to the side. “Based on what?”

You returned his confused gaze. “What do you mean?”

“Why would you think I’m into Lily?”

“Be-because you are?”

“No I’m not,” he defended.

“James, it’s okay, you don’t have to lie to me, every single time we’re with her I can see you staring at her.”

James instantly knew what you were talking about.

“No, no, that’s not it,” he stopped you, “she’s just always the closest thing to shift my attention to when you catch me.”

You paused for a moment. “Catch you what?” you asked.

“Staring at you.”

You were so taken aback that you physically stepped backwards. “What?”

“Mhm,” he said, confident.

“But- but I’ve seen you alone with her, walking the grounds-“

“Lily is the only person on this planet I talk to about you.”

“About me?”

James reached a hand out and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, and sighed of relief. “Angel, I’ve been in love with you since you first asked to sit with me on the train.”

You opened your mouth to speak several times, but only small noises came out. You were speechless as James wrapped an arm your waist and pulled you flush against him.

“But-“

“Get out of your own head and listen to me,” James said.

“But I-“

“Shut up,” James sighed, pressing his lips onto yours to keep you from refusing to believe him any longer. Your muscles relaxed as you melted into his touch, your hand caressing the side of his face as you kissed him back. Your lips moved in sync with his. Molded with him, you were home.

James’s hand moved down from your waist to grab the flesh of your ass, pushing your hips harder against his, causing you to whine into the kiss. James moved his hands lower and lower until they were behind your thighs, prompting you to jump. He caught your legs as they wrapped around his waist, and he spun you around, seating you on the desk, his lips never breaking from yours.

Once you were seated, his hands held the sides of your face, desperate to deepen the kiss even more. You had both waited forever for this moment, and you both wanted to savor it as much as you possibly could.

You whimpered when he pulled your hips against his again, grinding his clothed cock against your clothed core.

He pulled away and smiled at you.

“What?” you blushed.

James nearly growled, “you sound even prettier than I dreamed you would.”

You looked deep into his eyes, and could tell he was being genuine. “You’ve been dreaming about me?”

“Feels like every night,” he said, his voice low as he slowly pulled your shirt above your head, and then ran a hand up and down your side, sending shivers down your body, “I’ve dreamed about simple little things, like holding your hand, kissing you, holding you…”

A hand moved to your skirt, pushing it up to your waist and beginning to move your underwear to the side as he continued, “and I’ve dreamed about fucking you, and watching you come around my cock.”

His words sent chills down your spine, his lips connecting to your neck as you sighed in pleasure.

He ran a finger between your folds, sucking the side of your neck as you shuddered. He collected your wetness before slowly inserting a finger into you.

You threw your head back, holding onto James’s shoulders to keep yourself upright.

“This all for me?” James asked.

“Mhm,” you moaned, unable to speak.

He slowly pulled out and pushed in his finger, watching your mouth fall open.

Your fingers ran through the curls on the back of his head, holding him against you.

“J-James,” you moaned, his palm applying pressure to your clit and doubling the stimulation.

James dipped his head for a moment and released a low, guttural moan from his throat.

“You okay?” you breathed out.

James giggled, his hand never stopping. “Did you just ask me if I’m okay?”

You nodded your head yes.

“I’m literally fingering you right now,” James said.

The reality of the situation dawned on you, and you realized what you asked, and you couldn’t help but laugh. James laughed with you, continuing to fuck you with his fingers as he swallowed your noises with a kiss. You were so, so happy.

The joy and laughter of the situation brought you close to the edge, your walls squeezing around James’s finger. He felt it, and immediately pulled his finger out of you.

You gasped at the loss of contact, the cool air hitting your wet core. You looked up at James, your eyes confused and desperate.

James smirked at you. “I wanna fuck you, angel, it’s no fun if you come already.”

“Yeah, but, but I-“

“There’s more where that came from,” James said, placing a kiss onto your forehead, assuring you this was not a solitary event. “For right now, though, please just let me fuck you.”

You nodded your head up and down rapidly, as eager as ever to feel James inside of you.

James pushed his pants down and freed himself, giving his cock a few strokes as he looked down at your body. He lined himself up with your entrance, looking to you for permission.

“I’ve wanted you for so long, James, please,” you spoke.

James immediately pushed his tip inside of you, and you inhaled a sharp breath. James slowly pushed the rest of his length into you, stopping once he was fully inside of you, allowing you to adjust to his size.

“Shit, you’re big,” you moaned.

James moaned back in response, your words making him harder as he slowly pulled partially out of you.

“Can I?” he asked.

“Please, James, move,” you answered.

James pushed back into you, your wetness lubricating his cock as you laid your back down onto the desk, no longer having the strength to hold yourself up anymore.

James took the opportunity to grab your breast, watching as your body moved up and down in sync with his thrusts. Your head was almost entirely off the desk, your neck tilting slightly backward, causing each moan to come out strangled.

Laying down meant James could see your entire body as he fucked you, and he was losing control at the sight of your breasts bouncing with each hit of his hips.

He picked up his pace, harshly grabbing both of your hips in order to push you into him with each thrust.

“Fuck,” you cried out, the entire classroom echoing as the legs of the desk shifted slightly across the floor.

“You feel so fucking good,” James praised.

You whined and whimpered and moaned beneath him, unbearably turned on by the feeling of his cock finally inside of you.

James moved one of his hands to your core, rubbing circles against your clit as he fucked you.

Your body jolted upward and you grabbed at James’s shoulders, pulling yourself up and hanging off of his neck. You were eager to come around him, and you kissed him hard.

“Please, James, make me come,” you begged, hoping your pleas would help him reach his climax as well. Though the sex wasn’t too long, you were so aroused by finally having him, and you knew you couldn’t last much longer.

James began to piston his hips into you even harder, determined to bring you to your climax. He wanted to savor the sex, but it would be so fucking hot to see you come in a matter of minutes. It stroked his ego, knowing that you were so hot for him that you were going to come from just a few minutes of stimulation.

“James, I-“

“Come for me, angel.”

The use of the pet name in your current position was enough to push you over the edge. You squeezed James’s cock, your legs shaking around James’s waist as you came.

“Shit, where can I come?” James asked through shaky breaths, his thrusts becoming sloppy as he chased his own high after feeling you squeeze him.

“In me.”

“You sure?”

“I’m- yes, I w-want your come in me, please, Jamie, please-“

The nickname and the pleading had James coming inside of you with a final few sharp thrusts of his hips. He groaned as he came, settling inside of you for a few moments while he caught his breath.

He slowly pulled out of you, watching his seed spill out of your hole when he was out. He couldn’t help but lean down and lick the juices up, savoring the taste. You shuddered when his tongue touched you, you were so overstimulated.

James helped you stand, your body aching from the uncomfortableness of the wood beneath you.

“You alright?” James checked in.

“I’m alright,” you confirmed, leaning upward to place a kiss on his lips.

“You able to walk back out there?”

Your legs were shaky. You tried to take a few steps, but you nearly collapsed, and James caught a hold of you.

He smiled at you, turning his back to you and bending down.

“You serious?” you asked.

“‘F course.”

“James, I’m still wet. Won’t it get-“

“You jumping up or not?” James asked.

You hopped onto his back, holding onto him for dear life as he stood tall and swung the classroom door open.

At that very moment, of course, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily walked past the room.

“Oh hey you two,” Sirius said, noticing how unkempt your hair was and how flushed James looked, “had some fun, did we?”

You reached a hand out to hit his arm as James stepped in front of him, joining the group with you wrapped around him.

“Child,” he whispered to you, referencing you being carried on his back.

“At least this time I have valid reasoning for not being able to walk.”

[milkywaygalaxygurl]

Sleepy Whispers - Art Donaldson

Request: cuddling with art, I see him talking about his and reader's future, how he'd definitely be a girl dad and he'd totally spoil his little princess and just major fluff yk, art's getting sleepy and reader’s just playing with his hair

i really hope y’all like this one, i love writing this kind of fluff and i just know art would be the cutest in a situation like this:’)

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Female!Reader

Warnings: talk of starting a family, suggestive flirting, nothing else really lol this is just fluffy:)

Word Count: 663

Laying in bed with Art had to be one of your favorite things in the world. Especially when he’s sleepy like this, his usual clinginess amplified and his sleepy grins making you swoon. It was nice to see Art relaxed, it felt like he was always so focused on being an amazing tennis player that he often forgot to take a second to breathe and think about something else.

Seeing him like this, his head resting in your lap and his eyes shut in pure bliss made you fall even more in love with him. You’re staring down at him when his eyes open, his lips splitting into a cheeky grin. “What are you staring at?”

“My handsome and amazing boyfriend.” You pretend not to notice the way his cheeks tinge pink, but it has to be one of the most adorable things you’ve ever seen. He sits up from your lap and you whine, asking him where he’s going.

“Calm down, I just wanna look at you better.” He laughs, moving behind you. You squeal as he pulls you into his lap, slapping his chest when you’re finally settled and straddling him.

“You could’ve told me to move, you didn’t have to manhandle me.” You pout at him and he laughs, shaking his head.

“I thought you liked me manhandling you.” He wiggles his eyebrows and you gasp, swatting him on the chest again. He laughs, shaking his head at your dramatic reaction.

You stay like that for a while, admiring each other in a comfortable silence. Your hips eventually start to hurt from the way you’re sitting so, much to Art’s amusement, you flop beside him. He giggles as he turns on his side to look at you, a lovesick look in his eyes.

“Do you ever think of starting a family?” The question comes out of the blue, your eyebrows raising as you look at him.

“Honestly, yeah. Especially with you.” You say it sheepishly, your cheeks tinging pink at the admission.

“So you think about fuc-”

You cut him off before he can even finish speaking, “Art don’t you dare ruin this cute moment.” He laughs, throwing his hands up in defense.

“Sorry, sorry. I think about starting a family with you too. We’d obviously have to get married first, but I definitely see that happening in the future.” His words make your heart flutter, you’d never really talked about this with Art before.

“How many kids would you want?” Your hand finds its way to his hair, your fingers brushing through the blonde locks. He hums softly, his eyes shutting.

“One or two, but I don’t care how many we have as long as we have a daughter.” His words make you chuckle and he halfway open his eyes to give you a questioning look.

“I’ve always imagined you as a girl dad when I would think about our future. I can see you spoiling her, making sure she has everything she could want and more. Playing dress up with her, going to daddy-daughter dances. You’d treat her like a little princess.”

He grins, nodding his head with his eyes still closed. “You’d be my queen and she’d be our princess. You guys wouldn’t have to worry about a thing.”

You can tell he’s nearly half asleep from the way he’s talking, his words slightly slurred. One of the many things you loved about Art is that he’d almost always be out like a light if you ran your fingers through his hair.

Before you can even open your mouth to respond, he’s snoring softly. You giggle, shaking your head. You shuffle closer towards him and he instinctively reaches out for you, pulling you into his chest. You close your eyes, a small smile on your face as you fantasize about the family you’d one day have with Art.

[galene-gothic]

𝖨𝗌𝗁𝗊 𝗌𝗎𝖿𝗂𝗒𝖺𝗇𝖺

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗             PAID SERVICES

“Ishq: deep and passionate love

Sufiyana: pure, sacred and divine”

Today we'll take a look at:

- what will your person’s energy be like at that time ?

- what will your energy be like at that time ?

- connecting energies between you two

- what will your deepest and most passionate love be like ?

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ What will your person’s energy be like at that time ? ꒱

Your person is going to be going through and processing a bad period in their life at that time. They’re going to be focused on self improvement despite having worked on it in the past and having strayed off slightly. They’ll be keeping in mind just how far they’ve come and waiting for things to get better. This time, they’ll be firm on not losing themself and all the progress they’ve made for themself as a character going forward. They’ll have put enough of their past behind in order to move forward. They’ll know that they’ve overcome many obstacles and challenges that have come their way and will continue doing so going forward. They’ll be someone who talks the talk and also walks the walk. They’ll be charismatic, true to their words and have a lot of integrity as well as influence. They’ll have walked away from something or someone that didn’t serve them well anymore. They’ll be letting go and releasing a lot. They’ll be soul searching and exhausted, they’ll have harnessed and attained a lot of strength and wisdom though. They’ll be at a point where they can think more freely and their definition of love and connections might be changing. They’ll be falling back into love with themself and also being more heart centered. They’ll be slowly opening up to the new i.e. things, places, people and situations. They will have a lot of compassion and will be feeling vulnerable too. They will have the desire to share their love with others but they’ll want to have their own fill of it first. “I’m the love of my life, how could I forget that?” is the energy that I’m picking up on from them. They’ll be trying to cultivate more joy and love for themself, and around them because that’s what they’ll be craving. They’ll just have this yearning for maybe someone, someday will in fact love them, will try to understand them and listen to them. Someone with whom they can just be vulnerable and release all their guards, and still be loved. Emotionally, they’ll not be feeling very controlled but they’ll still be trying to have power over it.

Their world will have turned upside down and they’ll be adjusting to those changes after having resisted for a while. They’ll be questioning life’s purpose and their own beliefs. They’ll be changing internally because their external world will have changed significantly in quite a less amount of time too and they’ll be awakening to a lot. I won’t lie though, they’ll be pretty shaken. They’ll be trying to stay above things, instead of letting those things press onto them which will lead them to exercising too much control. They’ll have a lot of repressed anger, frustrations and just unresolved issues within them. It’s funny though because at the same time, they’ll not have it in them to care anymore. They’ll be carrying the load of everything by themself and pushing forward. At that time, they’ll be a bit more insecure about themself and their image, and apathetic and impulsive in regard to dealing with their emotions. They will have faced a lot of disappointments in connections and will have the effects of that show in their personality changes. They could have started flirting or talking to people with not so good intentions. I’m not getting them trying to play people but more so, just desiring casual connections even though the benefits of it are not so casual? They will be dealing with a bit of commitment phobia unfortunately. However, they’ve always been and will still be a passionate person who will be self improving. This commitment phobia is going to lead them to a lot of breakthroughs because like I said earlier, they’ll be trying to create and find more joy, and love within themself and will have a strong desire to just have someone, to share it with someone so well, they’ll learn that their actions and values need to align with their needs and desires. They’re someone who values the long term of everything so when they’ll be commitment phobic, they’ll be denying and not living in accordance to their soul’s calling which will lead to a very obvious lesson for them going forward.

꒰ What will your energy be like at that time ? ꒱

You will be going through a more pessimistic period in your life. You will have lost a lot of hope and faith. Your dreams, aspirations and visions for the future will have been crushed so you’ll just be honestly, low-key depressed 💀. You will be feeling funny, you’ll have lost all hope yet you’ll be finding it funny how everything played out. You’ll legit not know whether you’re supposed to laugh or cry at the life events that have taken place. You will have ideas about what to do going forward but will not have started working on them yet. They will be in process though. You’ll be feeling as though no one cared about your emotions and how their actions would affect you so why should you care about how your actions affect anyone going forward? Your mind and mouth will be very disorganised. You’ll still be trying to control your mouth though. You’ll have been exposed to other people’s lies and strategies, you’ll have seen the true colours of other people and you’ll also be facing your own true colours. You’ll be trying to be as honest as possible with yourself. You’ll have ideas and will be planning on the future. You’ll be quite chatty externally and learning a lot from those around you because you’ll be very vigilant and observant of those around you. You’ll be trying to be more intentional and focused with your life going forward because you won’t want to make similar mistakes and regret it. You’ll want to enhance your skills more and will be authentically trying to attract whatever it is that you desire. When it comes to emotions, you’ll have been betrayed, left behind and excluded by probably a group of people who you were loyal to.

It could be different people who do not talk to each other but they all happen to let you down around the same time. You’ll be breaking free from their restrictions and beliefs that they placed upon you. You’ll be trying to step back into your power and moving past the way you were mistreated and your loyalty, willingness to make things work, affection and resources abused. Much like your person, you’ll be a very secretive person and will be keeping all your emotions to yourself. You have a naturally really grateful, abundant and self sufficient soul. You’ll be enhancing those qualities of yourself even more at that time. You’ll be more self centered due to all that occurred in the past and putting yourself first. You’ll be quite self loving but will not be as tolerant of others as you once were, it’s good that you’ll have a really low if any tolerance for bullshit at all. You will be recovering but very slowly. The difference between your person and you is that, you were still healing things from way back in the past when all this occurred so you had to do double healing but your person had everything happen recently and were healing at a slightly faster pace than you. You will slowly be receiving hope and faith again after a period of deep-rest. You’ll be clearing your mind from negativity little by little. For some of you, you may have been having to go to hospital for someone or yourself quite a lot during that time. You’re also the type to get sick when hurting so you, yourself will either be sick, will have recovered recently or might get sick going forward. You’ll be feeling quite unstable and will be forced into some sort of isolation or extreme loneliness to the point, you end up recovering and kind of enjoy being by yourself.

꒰ Connecting energies between you two ꒱

You’ll both be logical when it comes to your connecting energy. There will be a need to be in power due to how powerless you were both made to feel in the past. You’ll connect on a mental level and will crave stimulation from each other, and I heard “see each other as equals” and will be trying to be realistic and mature when it comes to dealing with each other but will feel extremely vulnerable and bring up each other’s inner child issues. You’ll be like a mirror for each other. You’ll bicker and rival each other almost as if you were siblings. The way you bond will be very familiar in nature too, you just vibe right away but will also deal with each other in a very emotionally immature manner. Honestly, you’ll lack cooperation in the initial stages, when they’re in the mood to talk to you, you’ll not want to, when they feel like spending quality time with you, you’ll want to be anywhere but near them, so on and so forth. When you will truly be able to connect with each other is when you finally gain clarity regarding your life. You’ll both have to change aspects of yourself i.e. letting go of the past completely including the issues that it may have brought about. It’s important to be able to learn how to be present and be content with who you are, where you are, what you have and who you have in order to truly connect with each other. You’ll have to grow emotionally and be accepting of yourselves and all the situations in your life so that you know the responsibilities that you have regarding yourselves and each other. The most beautiful part is that you’re going to push each other and yourselves to this point of acceptance, presence and contentment.

꒰ What will your deepest and most passionate love be like? ꒱

Your actual relationship is going to be one where you both desire to give equally to each other. You’ll feel comfortable enough to show each other the more quote unquote ‘dark and dirty sides’ of yourselves, and it makes sense because even initially, you’ll both show the dirty sides of each other to each other and well, see it in the other person. You will be pretty hard on yourselves and also each other initially, before you even get into a relationship but this inner critic will only push you to work on forgiveness and self awareness. However, this will have led to unfair blame and paranoia regarding the other person quite early on so you’ll both fear being heartbroken and left behind. Despite this, you’ll want to succeed in this relationship, thinking that you not only bring out the worst in each other (because you do) but also the best. You will be attracted to each other and will feel like the meeting was fated. Despite how you’ll start off on the wrong foot, you’ll end up respecting each other’s differences and will feel like you’re stronger together. There’s going to be a lot of love between the both of you that you’re going to be consciously aware of. You’ll think of each other first before doing anything, you’ll consider each other’s emotions and share a ton of loyalty. The best part of the connection will be that you’ll have a friend, lover, family and rival all in one. Don’t even deny it, even if it sounds unlikeable, you’re going to love it. You’re not going to rival each other to tear each other down but instead to lift each other up even further. Despite, the mutual respect, you’re going to pull each other’s legs a lot.

They’re going to say something like “you? nice? PLEASE” and join their hands, being all sarcastic or they could do something helpful for an elderly person and go “see? how helpful and genuine I am? Unlike you” and you’re going to be all annoyed but you will start practicing being nicer, kinder and more helpful going forward. Physically, I’m getting that makeup sex or at least passionate make outs could take place. The possessiveness here is going to be off the charts. You’ll get jealous at someone even just looking at them and they’ll be the same, you’ll feel anger if the other responds to someone else, meaning it a certain way but you’ll take it the other way 😭. It’s not going to be anything too toxic but I can almost smell the burning through the screen itself 💀. The change in your demeanour when they interact with someone who’s eyeing them and vice versa is going to be very obvious. I’m not even joking, I can literally smell something burning. You could deal with this jealousy as getting overly touchy with the other or avoiding to other completely. You’re going to treat each other with a lot of kindness and compassion. Despite wanting to yell at each other, you’ll choose to maintain restrain. You will definitely put each other where y’all belong though. “I respect you a lot and I understand your intentions but they still hurt me, maybe we should rethink it.” One of you might say and the other will talk to the one in doubt calmly, reassuring them of the love they hold, promising to respect their boundaries and even saying something like “Please do not hint at breaking up again, I can’t take it.” You’ll basically become one and will be very passionate about each other.

You will try to deal with things calmly despite angering each other quite a lot and especially dealing with a lot of jealousy. You’ll share a lot of intimacy and will choose each other again and again, and again. You’ll never really have lies between you because one way or another, you’ll both find out. Sometimes, you are going to go into withdrawal after finding out something that they lied about. Supposing they lied to you about their past, saying that you’re their first deep love but you find out that that’s not the case from someone else, you’ll withdraw and isolate to think about it. At some point, they will realise that they will have to be honest with you about everything because you’ll always find out and when you do, if you don’t like it, you’re going to stay away from them for a while until you have processed it properly. Ultimately, you’ll both decide to let go of unnecessary fears and beliefs in order to enjoy your relationship to the fullest. Emotionally, you’re going to cause a lot of changes within each other. “Burning up in front of you, turning from a coal into a diamond.” There’s going to be a tendency to be moody and jump into conclusions though. A lot of jealousy is being hinted at in your spread. You’re going to romanticise each other and share a great deal of love though. However, there’s going to be a feeling, a fear that maybe it’s too good to be true at times. You’re going to be possessive and protective of each other, and feel things very intensely when it comes to each other. You’re going to love each other deeply and share a very passionate connection. Also, be devoted to each other.

You won’t mind compromising for each other but there are going to be days when you’re very busy with life and don’t get enough time with each other, and start going “you don’t love me, ofcourse you’re busy”, it’s going to be adorable though because you’ll be able to reassure each other and feel good knowing that someone desires you enough to want your time and energy. There’s going to be genuine love and adoration for each other. The both of you come from a background of being unloved and unnurtured, possibly even by parents, guardians and family. Many of you do seem to have parental issues. It could also be something like, one of you has parental issues while the other does not. You both are very excessive, you feel excessively, you do things for others excessively and you also love excessively. There may have been times when you felt like you were being overbearing but these qualities is what will make your connection so special. They’ll consider your issues to be their issue and you’ll consider their issues to be your issues. Despite being neglected and having made to feel like you were too much, like you weren’t enough, you’re both going to find love in each other. There will be moments when you’ll just be able to be vulnerable with each other. Also, they’ll make you feel so good about your body, they’ll basically worship it. You both have a pretty high sex drive as well. You’re going to feel emotionally at ease, satisfied and loved by each other, you will want to build a life and family together (whatever family means to you). You’ll feel like it was for the best that your connections and investments failed because you deserved better than all that anyway and your connection with your person will be the ‘better’, in fact, it’ll be the best.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ What will your person’s energy be like at that time ? ꒱

Your person will be undergoing some sort of change, ending and transformation (possibly multiple ones). They’re going to be at a point where they’ve cut people and situations off, and will be willing to do so going forward as well. They’re going to be very ‘no bullshit’ type and also sort of cold, distant, possibly even rude if they pick up on something wrong from the other party. Acting flaky, like you have mixed feelings and intentions for them is going to piss them off like legit anger them and make them cut off the person who is acting that way. They’ll be someone with so much self respect that they won’t mind cutting things off prematurely. Despite how distant they may seem, they’ll be emotional internally. Many of their actions will be governed by emotions. They’ll be dealing with many negative emotions and will be acting out with some level of hostility. They’ll be releasing a lot and will have changed a lot from who they once were, and they’ll still be in the process of transformation. Emotionally, they’ll be feeling hopeless sometimes but you know how despite feeling hopeless and breaking down into tears, humans try to find hope and move forward, they’ll be doing the same. They will be coming out of this hopelessness, little by little. They’ll have the awareness that the worst is already over. During this period of helplessness, the sense of abundance that they used to function with but can’t tap into anymore will help them continue pushing through. They’ll be having realisations about endings and how temporary the world truly is. They’ll be very smart, curious and will be trying to look at situations that affect their emotions with a sense of freshness. They’ll be questioning the ‘why’ of things. They’ll be looking back at events that have occurred, the things that they and others have said, the nitty gritty and the details of things in order to seek the truth through which they’ll be learning lessons and gaining knowledge to find peace, and move forward. They’ll be feeling restless until they finally decide to look back and give themself all the answers that they need. They’ll be feeling wronged and seeking justice but will know that the world doesn’t really work like that, that it’s an unfair world that we live in. They’ll have the weird faith in karma though. Like, they may not believe in it consciously but the natural faith is going to be present regardless. They’ll also have faith in their own destiny and luck. They’ll feel like life is like that, you have good days, you have bad days, you hurt, you heal, you love, you’re betrayed, you receive love, you might be left disappointed but everything is happening as it should.

They’re born with this natural sense of abundance where they believe that something bad will likely lead to something good going forward? It seems to be something they unconsciously believe in, like they may not even know that they believe in it but this feeling is always at the back of their heart and well, mind because scientifically speaking, heart doesn’t rule over emotions, the mind does. I know it sounds complicated but they’ll be feeling like things are slowly but surely getting better and turning into their favour as more time passes by. They’ll be feeling like they’ve learned a lot from everything that they’ve gone through and some things did in fact happen for the best. ‘Blessing in disguise’ is what I heard. They’ll have attained a lot of wisdom and gained a lot of strength through all that they’ll have experienced emotionally. Where there was once emotional turmoil and some of it may still be left inside their heart, they will have more compassion, wisdom and just emotional intelligence. They’ll be much more emotionally intelligent and stable than they once were and will be trying to get even better in this sphere. They’ll be trying to connect their mind with their heart because they’ll have understood that nothing can hurt them more than their own thoughts and also nothing can heal them more than their own thoughts. They’ll have it in them to try and maintain more restrain when it comes to certain emotions and act out of, and maintain more compassion, understanding and emotional well being instead. They’ll be thinking about how to grow further and about their own passions. They’ll be getting more and more in touch with their own passion within their mind. They’ll definitely be very introspective and will spend a lot of time by themself in order to think. They’ll have gained a lot of wisdom and will be working with all this wisdom that they attained while they were thinking by themself, like within their own dwelling. They’ll have a more long term approach to things and will value certain old school values, they’ll also be trying to integrate more of that into their own life. They’ll be thinking about romance as well but in a more old school and traditional way where you’re loyal and are there for each other, and both of you are people with strong characters and refine each other even further while still accepting each other’s differences and balance out each other’s flaws. They’ll crave that kind of loyalty, stability and respect in every connection. They’ll also want to have fun, almost in a childlike manner with this close to them. If they don’t have anyone that close to them with whom they can share that kind of dynamic with, they’ll want that with their future partner and friends.

They’ll dream of a kind of love where even if you meet when you’re old, you’ll have that innocent and pure dynamic to a certain extent. They’ll burn at the thought of their partner having shared something that sweet with someone else because they’ll wish that that was reserved for them. They will be trying to and moving forth with hope and faith for the future despite moments where they lack it. They’ll be trying to have fun with life and accepting new beginnings for the best, thinking that they and their life have unlimited potential. They’ll think that while they had to deal with many endings and the emotions, and baggage that came with them. They are free to live life the way they desire which is a blessing since not many people have it. Their soul energy is going to be one where they can understand people really well but they’re going to understand people to an extent where the ‘people’ in question here might not even be aware of it themselves because they’ve not met themselves that deeply, because they don’t understand themselves and their true nature. They’re going to be feeling really disillusioned and will be realising that no matter how deeply they may see someone, it’s useless if that someone is unable to act right. They’re meant to have many realisations about themself as a person, some of which are going to be very uncomfortable but they’ll gain a lot of self awareness and truths about life itself by turning inwards and turning the flash light on. They’ll deal with a lot of fear as well due to their illusions and disillusionments, they’ll not know whether they can judge others, themself and their own judgments. They’ll have the awareness that things aren’t always what they may look like on the surface. They will be a very loyal and ethical person, and are meant for success, reputation and a good family/community in this lifetime. Career, status, loyalty, values, family, community, money are probably major themes for your person in this lifetime. They will have abandoned what does not serve them well and will have this recurring theme in their life where they struggle to be their authentic self then become it, then again struggle, then again become it, when they struggle with getting recognition, when they get a lot of it, when they feel like it’s been taken from them, like no one sees them to becoming their authentic self and becoming more rooted and firm within this authenticity the more they fall out of it and back into it, and this is what will help them gain recognition in life.

꒰ What will your energy be like at that time ? ꒱

You’ll have undergone some sort of a heart dropping moment. Like, something in your personal life or something that had the capacity of touching your heart was pretty much swept right off your feet. You’ll not be very open to emotions, you’ll actually be pretty guarded because your emotions seem to have been hurt. You’ll feel like no one truly accepted your cup of love or after accepting it, they acted as if it was not valuable at all, as if you were not valuable at all. You’ll be feeling really shitty due to it. You’ll be carrying the burdens of all that happened all by yourself. For example, a connection fell off, you’ll be the one having to deal with the aftermath of hurt, pain and sorrow while the other person will seem to have already moved on. You’ll have this feeling of heaviness in your heart. “Maybe, I took on too much responsibility for someone who didn’t even have it them to try and make the connection work/for a connection that was mostly/only me trying.” You’ll have faced major humiliation due to someone you loved, could be a third party situation if it happens to be related to romance. Ever if not, it will be pretty humiliating. This humiliation that you’ll face will be something that will be inflicted on you so that others can have a good laugh, so that they can have fun. This is really messed up honestly. A connection where you had fun and felt deeply, innocently and purely connected to the other person had you trying your best even though you felt like breaking, because you cared about the other person but the connection fell off and there was probably betrayal of some sort. It was very sudden too and then, your world came crashing down after which you were humiliated by others and possibly even by the person itself. You’ll not want to let go of this person, you’ll be holding on pretty tightly mentally and emotionally, even if you’re trying not to. You just won’t be able to help it, your mind will always travel back to them after just a few minutes of freeing yourself from thoughts about them. Despite this, you’ll be trying to. You’ll be self protective and will be trying to remain controlled. You’re going to be feeling abandoned, unworthy and ugly. You won’t be able to help but think if something is wrong with you. You’ll be feeling indecisive about what it is that you truly feel, truly want, should do. It’ll be difficult for you to distinguish anything because your world will have turned upside down. You’ll not be able to think clearly and will also be thinking about the connection that failed. “How could ___ have done that to me?” is the way you’ll be thinking. You’ll be deeply hurt so you’ll be contradicting yourself. Something like, you could be trying to be all ‘self love’ and preaching it but will think that maybe it was a miscommunication, a misunderstanding that led to such a point and will be willing to listen to and forgive the other person because you’ll still love them but at the same time, you won’t. You’ll be angry at them for doing you so wrong and you’ll be processing everything that happened. You’ll wonder if your trust issues or something else that you may have expressed, a fear of some sort was what caused them to do what they did. Your mind won’t be in the right place, you won’t be thinking straight. To put it bluntly, you’ll have pretty much lost your mind, you’ll feel betrayed, cheated on, unattractive, unworthy, undeserving, unlovable, lonely but you’ll still be trying to stay on top of things.

There’s a high chance that some if not many of you here have some sort of mommy issues, you may become aware of it, more aware of it or think about it a lot during that time. Action wise, I’m getting two groups here, one group of you, you’ll be putting yourselves first and trying to tend to your own needs while the other group will fall into people pleasing because they’re not enough. Both groups will be feeling like so but the way you’ll be dealing with it will be different. You’ll be trying to manage your time well despite feeling unstable and unconfident. You’ll be trying to adapt with life as it is. Childhood issues are going to come up but the first group of you is going to be very obsessed with what has occurred and the person who made you go through it all because you loved them, and you won’t be able to understand how they could do that to you because you would never do anything like that to them due to which you won’t be able to heal your inner child at that time. Both groups here are going to tap into their inner strength at some point, some of you before the other. The second group is going to tap into this a bit earlier than the first group. Ultimately, you’re going to be tapping into your inner strength and find control over yourself, and your life again. You’re going to be more compassionate with yourself and with others, and are going to practice love, kindness and self control. You’re going to overcome a lot of self doubt and will be working with self respect in your actions. There’s going to be an acknowledgment that you deserve better and you’re going to gain personal morals. You’re also going to recover from a lot of negative feelings that I mentioned earlier. You’re going to build more confidence and strength of character through what you go through. You’re going to be more withdrawn from others due to how much you’ll be processing. I’m not sure what it is but there are going to be two paths for you to choose from - do better or stay bitter. Even if you stay bitter, you will eventually want to do better. You’ll be looking to the future hoping for better days, you’ll be quite restless to finally experience something again. Your soul is going to be learning about boundaries and the importance of protecting, and defending yourself in this harsh world we live in. You’ll be in a contemplative energy where you have regrets and are yearning but are also being disillusioned. You’re going to be learning detachment while also simply being present in the world wholeheartedly. You’ll be feeling lonely and will be lonely. You’ll be realising your own tendency to have a temper and will be learning how to manage that better. You’ll also be learning that you may have been in an abusive and toxic situation even if you do not realise it yet. You’ll realise that not everyone is going to take responsibility for their actions or what they do to you so you sir take responsibility for yourself no matter what. You’re going to feel like you’re a person of poor quality but that’s how you’ll slowly build yourself, your confidence and reputation. You’re supposed to achieve a lot by yourself in this lifetime. Maybe, you do not like the idea of following orders or making money for someone else by working eight hours a day, so on and so forth. This is going to teach you how to be comfortable being alone and by yourself so that you can stay true to your purpose and finally fulfil it.

꒰ Connecting energies between you two ꒱

You will both be fairly different when it comes to your connecting energy. The saying “the world is a colourful place because we are all different” will be true to your situation. Initially, you are going to butt heads a lot because you’ll both be in denial of your emotions for each other and will be worried about having to carry all the load of a connection by yourselves. You’ll both think that you have a tendency of giving connections your hundred percent so you’ll be worried about receiving the shorter end of the stick. However, there’s going to be a strong attraction to each other. You’re going to be pessimistic and feel angry at yourselves, and each other but it will be because you’ll both wonder if you’re keeping your hearts on your sleeves. You’ll not want the other person to break it. Despite, the denial, fear and frustrations, you’ll want to offer your love to each other, and how could you not? Your emotions towards each other will run high. You’ll feel a strong longing and passion towards each other but you’ll also have fears. There’s definitely going to mistrust and a fear of investing, just to be left disappointed, hurt and empty. You’re going to help each other gain closures regarding your individual journeys because that’s when you’ll be able to truly come together. After meeting one another, you’ll realise just how far you’ve come. “It’s finally over, I’m finally over it” is a realisation that you’ll have alongside each other. You’re going to find a lot of fulfilment and expansion through each other. You’re going to grow in ways and discover sides of yourselves that you never thought possible. You’re eventually going to be vulnerable with each other and decide to navigate this world together. You’ll have a great deal of oneness and belonging with one another. You might also share a collective goal in this lifetime, something for the betterment of the world and its people.

꒰ What will your deepest and most passionate love be like? ꒱

The focus of the actual relationship is going to be heavily on self improvement and character building, not just your own but also your partner’s. You’re both going to keep a close eye on the other to see whether they’re progressing or regressing. There are going to be times when you’re too busy to spend time with or talk to each other but well, when you do spend time together, you will feel like life is worth living again. You’re going to have a lot of fun together, almost like children, careless ones at that xD. There’s going to be a deep sense of loyalty present within the connection. Despite how much fun you may have and how recklessly, you’ll also have extremely serious conversations with each other. There’s going to be this knowledge of “I have someone, I’m not alone” for which you’ll be so grateful because you’ll always help each other see the light at the end of the tunnel. Just each other’s presence will bring about the ability to let of a lot of stress and negativity. You’ll feel really grateful to them because you’ll feel and think that they basically taught you how to cope with life and face it head on. One of the best and worst traits that you’ll both possess is that you’ll feel extremely guilty towards each other if you mistakenly happen to do something that hurts the other. It is good because it’ll help you treat each other well but gosh, you’re gullible to guilt in general period. You’re going to be extremely grateful to each other for a space where you can be vulnerable and weak, and still be loved and accepted. You’re going to see the strength in each other even during each other’s most vulnerable and flawed moments, and that’s the beauty of love, specifically your love. You’re going to feel homesick for each other when you’re not around and find a lot of nourishment, forgiveness, understanding, compassion and nurturing in the other person. You’re going to have a stable bond full of emotionally charged moments and understanding. The best part of the connection is going to be the maturity of it and the fact that it’s grounded it reality, it won’t be an illusion. You’re both going to be committed to making the connection work and your actions are going to be proof of that. You’re going to be able to bring out the best in each other because you’ll accept each other at your worsts i.e. at your weak moments as long as disrespect isn’t involved. You’re going to have a connection in which one look at you and they’ll know what you need, how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking about. There’s going to be the knowledge that you’re the only ones for each other. There are going to be days when you’ll both overthink, you’ll overthink even if the other cancels or postpones plans but when you finally meet and discuss your feelings, worries and fears, you’re going to be greeted with a level of understanding and love that you didn’t think was possible. “Why would I need or want anyone else when you’re right here? I love you so much.” I’m melting. They’re going to help you become more independent and step further into yourself because of how safe and secure of a space they’ll make for you.

You’re a possessive one and they’re going to enjoy seeing you riled up over them, it’ll make them feel wanted. Your whole face will go dark alongside your vibe when you’re jealous and it will make them slightly uncomfortable but they’re secretly going to like it as well. You’re going to express your gratitude and appreciation for each other through both grand gestures, and little actions. The connection will give you both a lot to be grateful for. You’re going to be carrying a lot of pain from past betrayals and exclusion, and will be feeling hopeless at times when you’ll first meet them but they’re going to hold onto you and treasure you fiercely and passionately. The previous days when you felt like you weren’t enough, you were unlovable, they’ll be gone, the beliefs that you ended up developing and holding onto will slowly by melted down by their warmth, their love. They’ll make your inner child really happy. They’ll actually think about you and not act in ways where you’re left crippled with self doubt, and while it may sound like a small thing. It’ll mean so much to you. TW: if you’ve self harmed, they’ll probably kiss those scars. You’ll admire them and feeling admired by them will make you feel like you’re floating. It’s going to be a relationship where you’re going to have a crush on each other even years into the relationship. They’re going to want to be an active part of your life, they’re going to want you for themself and you’re not going to be able to fathom that you’re desirable. They’re going to be so gentle with you and you’re going to end up acting the same way for them too. You’ll love each other in the purest possible form. There’s going to be a lot of teasing here and there though. That will be a form of flirting for you both. The connection is going to be so pure. I’m getting you both being literal children in adult bodies. I can see both of you crying while hugging because you’ll be separated for a month. You’re going to enjoy the gentle intimacy that comes with putting ‘mine’ before any title or your names. You’re both going to be like “my girl”, “my man”, “my wife”, “my husband” A LOT. There’s going to be a lot of warmth and sexiness shared too. You’ll just look at each other and want to tear each other’s clothes off 😭. It’s going to be a connection that brings about a lot of growth and wisdom for you. You’ll learn how to be more secretive and private, and at the same time will have someone to share your concerns with. You’ll share a mature connection but with a lot of childlike fun. You’re not going to be willing to let each other go. ‘Birds of a feather’ by Billie Eilish is how I would describe your connection. You’re going to pull each other out of terrible cycles, especially, they are going to pull you out of your own mind and help you become more empowered by simply seeing yourself more clearly. You’re both going to teach each other that certain connections and situations were in fact just a waste of time and you’ll be happy to not have to deal with that kind of bullshit anymore. ‘I wanna be yours’ by Arctic Monkeys is coming through too which makes sense because your love is going to deeper than the Pacific ocean for real. Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ What will your person’s energy be like at that time ? ꒱

Your person will have undergone a separation of some sort that will be heavily on their mind. It will be something that they hadn’t seen coming, something that pretty much turned their life upside down. This event will have stirred up something deep, primal and scary within them. Their mental health will be on the edge but they’ll be having revelations one after the other. There will be a loneliness that these revelations will bring about which will only be intensified if they don’t have enough social interaction at that time but they’ll be thinking about things like loyalty, stability, growth and trust a lot. They’ll have a lot of things just come in and go out, and multiple thoughts running through their head at the same time. Yes, it is going to be tiring and they’ll probably feel more sleepy throughout the day than normal. I’m hearing ‘Shallow’ by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga in my head. They’ll be craving change and depth at that time. There will be times when their thoughts get to them and they start wondering (almost believing) that maybe people like them do not exist in this world. “Maybe everyone is a characterless bitch” THAT’S WHAT I HEARD, I’M SORRY FOR THE RANDOM CURSE WORD. There’s this natural burn out that they’ll be feeling from what I’m hearing is either depression or something close to it, a deep sorrow, they’ll feel extremely tired everyday, and they’ll be craving deep rest. They’ll definitely be freeing themself from heavy energies in the realm of physicality though. They’ll be taking active action to break free from situations where they may be feeling hopeless, trapped, used, abused, tormented and hurt even if it means coming off as unloving. They’re going to be deeply wounded and freshly at that. They’re going to be at a point where they don’t have it in them to communicate anymore. They’ll be following the timeless philosophy of “sometimes not communicating is the best form of communication.” They will be very vulnerable at that time and will be very serious in dealing with things. After not taking things personally for a long time, they’ll finally be taking things personally. They’re going to be very serious when it comes to dealing and will not be able to have fun due to the deep sorrow that will be weighing them down.

However, there will be times when they will be acting childish, reckless and having too much fun, or faking it in hopes that it could make them feel better even though they’ll know that it’s a lost cause. Now the chapter is closed and done, it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us.” ‘Lose you to love me’ by Selena Gomez is almost a theme song in this situation. They’ll be learning a lot about life and their own emotional nature by themself. They’ll also be connecting deeper with their values, the ones that they were raised with but drifted from. They’ll be like “maybe those values were there to protect me and help me lead a good life after all.” They’re going to be slowly recovering from the heartbreak but are going to be having relapses. They’ll be looking back at what could have been done differently and will also be yearning for what’s been gone, what they had to walk away from. However, they’re going to be holding a lot of anger within them and will have no tolerance for any bullshit, and further heartache. When it comes to their soul energy, they’ll still be deeply attached to and tempted with the past ways. They’ll be obsessed with the situations that will have occurred, unable to stop thinking about them and just let them go. They’ll be feeling really betrayed. I’m getting that if it was a romantic break up, their partner got seduced by a third party, if it wasn’t a break up, someone led them on just to choose someone else or if it was a friendship breakup, they started excluding them and choosing other people over them instead. Honestly, all of this could have happened in a string, one after the other. They will be awakening and seeing the illusions that they had believed in for maybe a long time that caused them to waste time. They’ll be realising the truth of it and will have bittersweet feelings about it. They’ll just be like “oh it was not real and I can finally accept it but I already wasted so much time, what was the purpose of it all? I feel so empty.” They’ll be mourning and crying over what’s been lost and all the neglect that they faced, allowed and inflicted upon themself. All of this will have happened and will be happening so that they can step into their true and most authentic self. They’ll be processing the anger and pain of it so that they can finally step into who they are, fully and unapologetically. Oh yeah, it just popped up but they may have also undergone someone’s passing and might be in mourning over that.

꒰ What will your energy be like at that time ? ꒱

This is funny, pretty much the same cards came out for you except a few different ones here and there. You’ll have undergone some sort of a separation as well and it’ll be at the back of your mind. You’ll have started taking life very seriously while still craving fun. You’ll be at a pretty unstable place too so you’ll be trying to fix that. You’re going to be thinking about connections and situations that weren’t very nurturing for you but instead proved to be pretty much the opposite of it. You’ll be thinking about how you were neglected and just kept on suppressing the feeling again, and again until you couldn’t take it anymore. This is the kind of energy where if your friend makes fun of you once, you may laugh, the second time, you may laugh, the third time, you’ll feel bad but will laugh but the forth time onwards you’ll not find it funny anymore but instead you’ll find it disrespectful. That’s kind of what will have occurred for you. Emotionally, you’ll be seeing past the illusions and will feel like you lack options, and opportunities. You’ll just have a major reality check much like your person that will cause you to leave people behind, people who you once shared a community with and felt like you belonged with which will lead to instability, loneliness and a lot of fear, and changes but the awakenings that you’ll be having due to your emotions will be managed pretty well by you. It’s going to be scary but you’ll be using all of this to build instead. I’m getting that you’ll have this realisation that the best way to combat such situations and feelings is by making sure to be present in your daily life.

You might maintain routines and build healthier habits during this time. You’ll be spending time by yourself and also with others, and will treat others well, and with kindness. You’re either someone who already loves one on one connections and interactions or you’ll do so during that time. You might be in an institution of some sort, you’ll be very frustrated and angry about everything that will have occurred, and will feel like you don’t have the space to channel your passions and goals but will still be doing what you can in the present. You will be grateful for the present moment and will be progressing little by little. This gratitude isn’t going to come about right away after your separation with others, it’s going to take time but you’ll be changing when and where needed. You’ll find yourself being more content because you’ll be actively trying to practice being so. You’ll be growing a lot emotionally by interacting with those older than you, younger than you, same age as you and by spending time by yourself, in your own dwelling. You’ll gain a lot of self awareness and will be focused on yourself. Your focus may stray sometimes but you’ll be coming back to your own element again. You’ll have been left out or been in a position where someone else was preferred over you and will be healing from that. You’ll have left a lot behind and will be in a period of emotional rest. You’ll be soul searching and will be learning the lesson of letting go. You’ll have attained a lot of wisdom and will be continuing to do so. You’ll be dealing with delays but the saying “rejection is divine protection” will be playing true. You could be focused on education or something of that sort at that time.

꒰ Connecting energies between you two ꒱

When it comes to connecting energies, you’ll teach them a lot about true power. You’ll make them realise that some things are in fact in their own head and that they should not let their thoughts overpower them. You’ll connect well on a mental level and will teach them how to mix logic with passion and emotions. I just heard “your rawness isn’t a mistake.” You’ll both connect over falling outs in connections, from communities and simply just not having anywhere you feel like you belong in, simply just not having anyone you belong to but you’ll be dealing with things slightly better than they will be so they’ll be able to look at you and learn a lot from you. They’re going to find it refreshing just how unabashedly you’ll be living and pushing forward. They’ll just to be more like themself thanks to you and vice versa. You’ll want to be your authentic self too because you’ll feel like they appreciate and like you like that. You’re going to be attracted to each other and see each other as equals. You’re going to find their raw and passionate ways to be very admirable and they’ll find your reasoning skills mixed with your passionates ways to be like such. You’ll both learn a lot from each other and find refuge, fun, rawness, passion, understanding, answers, belonging and happiness in each other at a time when it’s not present in your life.

꒰ What will your deepest and most passionate love be like? ꒱

The actual relationship between the both of you will be one that changes your perspective on many things and will help you sort of surrender to life for the best. You’ll teach them how to focus on what they can control. You will find solace in each other. You’ll think a lot about getting in bed with each other, definitely sexually but also beyond that. You’ll feel insanely and primally attracted to each other on a physical level but it’s going to feel transcendent. You’re going to value the intimacy that you have with each other and will be focused on creating a stable, happy and fun relationship that’s emotionally rich and fills you up from deep within. You might even want to have kids with each other going forward at some point but it’s going to be quite a dilemma for both of you because while you’ll want to have kids, you’ll also not want to give up on the lifestyle where it’s just you two, basking in each other without any other distractions. You’re going to be pretty dependent on each other honestly. There will be sort of a codependent dynamic here but you’ll not mind it because you’ll both want each other that bad. You’ll feel terribly homesick for each other when you’re away. I’m sorry if you’re not comfortable with this but stop here if you’re not - you could practice domination and submission in the bedroom. It just came through so I had to say it, I’m sorry. You’re both going to have a strong sex drive and good sexual chemistry. Sex for you is going to be sacred, something that solely the two of you will share. You’d feel terribly betrayed if the other would even do something as simple as think about someone else in that way. Thankfully though, I’m not getting any of that happening. If you come from a conservative background, it could be a secret that you two started having sex before proper commitment that is ink signature on paper (spoken by mouth committed relationships do not count). However, even after being in a serious commitment, you’ll still not be open to sharing your private moments with other people because you’ll not want others knowing or even thinking about it. Spanks could be involved.

There’s going to be degradation and praise, and a lot of love definitely. HOWEVER, let’s steer this to the direction that it was initially supposed to go in. I’m getting that you’ll either be actively involved in the community or just socialise in some way to some extent. You’ll be defenceless and have little to no boundaries when it comes to each other, and neither of you will mind it. You’ll teach each other to have strong boundaries against the world though and also fiercely stand up for each other. There’s going to be this need to own each other and neither of you will mind it because it’ll make you feel desired, and you’ll want to belong to each other. There’s going to be a telepathic connection in which you’ll be able to pick up on the sorrows and honestly really deep, dark feelings of the other person without them even having to say anything at all. You’ll be really honest with each other, if you do someone wrong, you’ll go and talk to them about it, the regrets that you may have and they’ll console you, and vice versa. You’re going to be very vulnerable with each other, all your repressed emotions pouring out. There’s also going to be a sternness and ruthless energy in which you’ll protect each other’s emotions. You’ll not care much about anyone except each other honestly. It’s going to be connection that causes you to lose empathy for other people if it involves your person. They won’t mind hurting other people in order to protect your emotions and vice versa. Also, you’re both going to put each other at your respective places. They’re going to get all moody if they don’t receive enough attention and admiration from you, and vice versa. You’ll see each other like no other. You’re going to clear confusions together and try to understand and know each other beyond just what idealised version of you might be visible to each other. It’s going to be a connection grounded in reality where you’ll always want to do right by each other. You’re both going to be greedy for more and more of each other though. It’s never going to be enough but that’s what will make you inseparable, you’ll truly desire each other, in all ways possible. You won’t want each other to even look or think about other people.

It’s not toxic in my opinion, don’t let anyone tell you that, it’s just devotional and expecting devotion which is normal in monogamous relationships. It’s going to be a slightly fragile connection as in anything the other person will say can prick at your heart if not conveyed properly. Also, the need to control the relationship will be mutual but it’ll only make things more fun. You’re going to be able to share sorrows, worries and fears with each other which is a blessing that you’ll feel really grateful for. You’ll always make time for each other and will teach each other to put yourselves first. The best thing is that you’ll put each other’s best interests in your heart alongside your own so your happiness will be deeply intertwined with one another’s. You’re going to be generous with each other and will talk about things like business ventures. Your connection will be such that even if you crave a luxurious lifestyle, like in a way, nothing is enough, after meeting each other, you’re going to be able to enjoy and appreciate the down to earth lifestyle, and the simple pleasures of life. Money will be important to both of you though, not gonna lie. You’re going to be very in-tune with each other’s bodies, wanting to please each other and I’m getting you receiving massages from them. They might learn massaging techniques just for you, aww or vice versa. You’re going to look good together as a couple and really enjoy it. It’s going to be a real connection where you’re an active part of each other’s lives so even though you were both heartbroken and there were people, and situations that you thought were the best, that you’d never get over, that you’d never feel that way again, that will all go out the window because you’ll realise that nothing is more connection that the connection you share with each other. Your most pure, divine, passionate and loving connections that you had in the past will not matter anymore. “It was not even real” is how you’ll feel about it. So well, if you have a first love or a ‘one that got away’ that you believe is your once in a lifetime love who you’ll never get over, you’re going to love this person so much more and that past love won’t even matter anymore. I just heard “the world, everything within it is an illusion. My oath of living and dying with you is true.” Thank you for reading. Much love and take care.

[wosoluver]

Oh, baby

Georgia Stanway x reader.

I know nothing about giving birth so bare with me. Also please don't kill me for the plot changes, Hope you like it!

Other players masterlist

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Fuck!" you said feeling the warm liquid run down your legs. "No, no, no." You were staying over at her parents' house. Tomorrow would be the final match at the 2023 world cup and you would be gathered to watch the game there.

"Jo! We need to go, my water just broke!" you said grabbing her mother's attention. Her dad had gone to Australia to support her, but her mom refused leaving you, pregnant and alone. And you thanked the universe. You were 36 weeks, you were to give birth only next month. You had been feeling small contractions, that were apparently normal in the third trimester.

That was the only reason Georgia agreed to go.

A million thoughts went through your mind. Would the baby be okay? Would they have to do a C-section?

Would your fiancé be okay, knowing she missed the moment se was waiting so excited for? Were you even ready for this?

You started to cry immediately.

"Don't worry love, I'm calling her as soon as you're in the hospital."

"No please! You can't! You know her!" you said followed by a scream when you felt the sharp pain of a contraction hit you. "Please, please wait as much as we can. This is important for her, she needs to be a hundred percent focused."

"But seeing her daughter's birth is too..."

"I know but even if she knows, she'll won't get here in time. Please."

She only nodded agreeing with you. And you asked her to call your parents instead.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

While you walked around the room, preparing yourself for the ride ahead, in attempt to stay sound, you thought about what had led you here.

You and Georgia had been together for almost six years.

You had met at Man City, both came from a small town and were around the same age, sharing the dream to become big players.

You started dating, and your relationship went through a lot.

You endured for years a long distance relationship, when you moved away to play in Spain and she stayed back in Manchester.

A couple of seasons later you transferred to Bayern, where your girlfriend soon followed suit.

And you both finally managed to start your life together.

She didn't want to wait any longer, all that time had been enough.

From living together to her proposing, life felt like pure bliss.

And after the 2022 euro's title, you felt like it was the right time to have a pause on your career.

It wasn't an easy decision, since the World Cup was around the corner.

But differently from your teammates, you now had a bigger dream, Georgia fully supported you, she herself had always wanted to be a mother.

You didn't expect for it to work so soon.

Along with the risks the doctors had told you, it could take more than one try.

Fortunately the whole pregnancy had been very healthy, and nothing gave you any reason to think something like this could happen.

You questioned yourself if you were doing the right thing, by not updating her on the matter.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Georgia's head was buzzing, Spain was winning by a goal. England had slightly recovered at the end of first half, but it wasn't enough.

She sat on the locker room, trying to cool down, zoning out a bit. All she could think of was winning this, to come home as a champion. For her girls.

She could have never imagined you had been in the hospital for the last couple of hours, let alone giving birth. So she didn't bother to look for her phone.

And before she knew, she was walking back to the field for the second half.

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

"Just one more push, yeah?"

And you did as a loud cry filled the room. And they placed her right on your chest.

You felt like you could pass out from how tired you were.

But you couldn't, yet.

"You did great darling." her mom cooed you in between tears.

"Is the game over yet?"

"Yes, they won second place." she handed your phone over.

You cried hard a the sound of that. She had been deprived of being champion and seeing her daughter's first moments in the same day, at the same time. You tried to recompose yourself while you pressed to facetime her.

ongoing call...

"Hey love, what took you so lon-" she managed to get out before shutting up at the realization. A big smile appearing in her tear stained face. "She's beautiful."

before she could say anything else, Lucy, who was prying at the video call, loudly announced to everyone.

"The baby is here!" and you could hear the girls cheering loudly. Running to try and congratulate you.

"You guys are so loud, geez." your soon to be wife said after a few moments, walking to a more private place, so you both could talk.

"I am so sorry." you said eyes filled with tears.

"We couldn't have known." she said giving you a reassuring smile. "I was going to show you this baby here," showing her silver medal at the camera. "But it seems like you're already holding our baby right there."

And for over ten minutes you two sat quietly, just admiring the angel you had brought into the world.

"Is she okay? I mean she clearly looks like it, but since she's early..."

"Better than expected actually. They said she's around 6.30 lbs and over 19 inches. Pretty big for a preterm. They'll run some tests in the morning, just to be sure." you said letting out a yawn.

"You need to get some sleep. And I'm getting on the first plane home."

"I love you, and I'm so proud of you."

"Oh baby, I'm the one who's proud. I love you. Both of you."

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

Maybe another part with G meeting baby Talia?

like & share pls!

[gyusimp]

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐢 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨 [𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭]

ᴹⁱⁿᵒʳˢ ᴰᴺᴵ! | ᔆᵐᵘᵗ ᶜᵒⁿᵗᵉⁿᵗ | ᴬʳᵗ ᵇʸ⠘ ˢʰᵃᵈᵉˢ ᵒᶠ ᴸᴼⱽᴱ ᵒⁿ ᵀʷⁱᵗᵗᵉʳ

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Kenji will always be very sweet. No matter how stupid he made you after sex, he will treat you gently and help you get back on your feet. He will clean you up first and then himself and he will be happy to take a shower together if you are okay with it. Although he is a bit of a fussy person so it is 100% certain that he will not go to sleep without changing the sheets for new ones. For your comfort and his, and he might put some air freshener in the air lol.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I feel like Kenji is very proud of his entire body, but especially his arms and torso. Have you seen that broad back? That man is to die for and he knows it, that's why he loves sleeping shirtless and teasing you. As for you, he loves everything about you, but he definitely has a fixation on your thighs and touching your ass whenever he gets the chance.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He's open to possibilities as long as you are too. Besides cumming inside you, he likes to do it for some reason where a few drops get on your strands of hair or a few drops run down your collarbones. He has a habit of teasing you by kissing you after taste you, so you'll taste yourself on his lips.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He's fantasized about doing things with you in his Ultraman form, why? Because yes. It's really nothing more than a fantasy because not even his pinky finger could fit inside you, but imagining you so small and needy in the palm of his hand has made his thoughts go beyond the limits he thought he knew.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Nothing. Kenji has no prior experience, not even a little. As famous and handsome as he is, we know that he suffered from bullying in his childhood years which affected his social skills so if I can't imagine him with friends, much less having encounters of that kind. His first time with you was an adorable disaster but you took care of making him feel safe always and over time he managed to improve his technique quite a bit.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Any one where he can see your face but is also addicted to you riding him or if he's too needy he'll let you on top and spread his legs for you to do whatever you want.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It depends on his mood. He usually acts normal but if he wants to tease you or is really excited he might tell a couple of dirty jokes to make you blush.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

This man is a total grooming person. I can see a shelf in his shower full of hair products, aftershave, skin moisturizers and all that stuff so yes, Kenji pays attention to detail and if he isn't completely shaved there will always be a neat, impeccable trim. You're never going to see a mess down there. Ever.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

There are times when you two are too horny to get romantic but that doesn't mean it's just sex without love. But, when he's truly focused on making love to you in every sense of the word, he's the most romantic man in the world. He makes you feel like you're on cloud nine with his soft caresses and kisses, his words are so deep that when you both finish, you end up seeing everything in rose-colored glasses and even loving your insecurities after he completely praised you from the bottom of his heart.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don't see Kenji doing this kind of thing, he's a mature adult and quite busy too so if he ever did it, it was in puberty out of pure curiosity. Now he has you so if he's horny he knows you can always help him and if he's lonely he'll just get moody.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I think after taking care of Emi and researching parenting and fatherhood issues he had some praise kinks left, but nothing serious. He doesn't show it anywhere other than the bed and you discovered it little by little on your own when he told you things like how he was eager to fill you with his seed and how excited it made him to think of you carrying his baby in you one day. Whenever you bring it up he doesn't completely deny it but it's because he's a little embarrassed to admit it.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Nothing like the comfort of his bed or yours but he's open to new places to make it more exciting. Places like his basement or the stadium locker room when the team has left have been the perfect spots for a quickie.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He likes you touching him, your hands are his weakness. Also for some reason when you are dressed up nicely, like clothes he is not used to seeing you in for example a skirt and heels to go to work or a nice dress for an event. He always thinks "is that my girlfriend?" and feels the need to rip your clothes off already.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He doesn't agree with the idea of hurting you so he's against BSDM. If you were to ask him to do something related (like asking him to hit you or call you names) he would try to do it at first to fulfill your whim but after a while he would feel uncomfortable and maybe not want to continue. Maybe what he would tolerate a little longer would be to call you names just by seeing your intense reactions and they would be mild words like "slut" or "bitch".

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

As I mentioned before, he is inexperienced in person until after a couple of times. He likes to receive but he prefers thousands of times to give. The feeling of your folds against his tongue and your pussy between his lips is indescribable for him. He loves to grab you by the thighs and wrap his arms around your legs while he gets lost between your crotch for hours being blessed with the sound of your voice before his actions.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It will also depend on his mood. A happy, romantic, sweet Kenji who longs to spend time with you after a long week at work will be deep and slow but careful. But a Kenji who is stressed out from losing so many games, fighting with players from other teams and tired of being a baby kaiju's single mother and breaking his back being Ultraman will throw you on the mat face down and grab onto your hips to pound you like there’s no tomorrow and then flip you over to put your knees on his shoulders because you’re dumb enough to do it on your own (of course you’re okay with all of this).

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He is a fan of quickies, he couldn't live without them. He tends to have mental breakdowns more often than you think and between so many games, interviews and training sessions he sometimes comes home too tired to do it slowly and formally, so you can also offer him several quickies a week so that they are little breaks for him and he can de-stress and continue.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He has a slight interest in doing it where he can get caught, like the time where his hands got too far with you in the stadium locker room before a game and his teammates were feet away getting ready in the hallway outside.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He is a professional athlete who is used to hours of training, cardio and all that stuff. His average is 3-4 rounds when he feels mentally stable and physically rested. You usually ends up with pain in your lower back and the back of your knees.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't have any toys and he wouldn't use them on himself. If he ever bought one it would be to use it with you so you could both experience something new together.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He likes to embarrass you but in a good way. Maybe he'll mention things about how desperate you are or how abundant your release was today with just a few touches. This man's ego is big and it expands to the sky when he can see you under him sweaty and moaning his name repeatedly so it's the perfect setting for him to joke around in more egotistical and arrogant ways with you to make you blush.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

If you're in a completely safe and alone place, Kenji will never shut his mouth. He's unconsciously very expressive in that aspect and will say whatever he wants and needs to say, even if something bothers him. His tone of voice is thicker and more desperate as if he's throwing little tantrums asking for more from you. Sometimes it confuses you when he claims that you're too tight around him. Is he complaining or is he grateful for it?

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves to make dirty calls with you when you are at home and he is away from you. He feels very proud of himself knowing the power he has over you and how he manages to make you wet even when he is not present, calling you with some dirty nicknames that he saves just for you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's not too far from average. When the baby is asleep he's pretty normal sized although still noticeable in tight jeans or his Ultraman form. But when the baby wants action he's maybe an inch or an inch and a half taller than average. Kenji is a tall, thin young man so his strengths would be more length than girth.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

In the middle, not too low or too desperate. Although sometimes his thoughts are the ones to blame for making him feel horny and that's when he asks you for help to solve it, but on a scale of 1-10 I'd leave it at 7. He knows when it's more prudent to let himself go and when not to.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He won't fall asleep until you do unless he's had a bad day and all he wants to do is sleep in your arms right after he's cum. If he's tired enough to sleep on the same sheets you two made out with earlier.

[nottsbitch]

The Alchemy - T.N.

Based on the Taylor Swift song

✩✩✩✩

To say that you were stressed was an understatement. You were currently in your seat at the Quidditch World Cup, where your boyfriend, Theo, was about to begin playing the biggest game of his career.

“Calm down, would you?” came from Draco on your left. Next to him was Daphne, and on the other side of you were Blaise and Pansy.

You glanced around at your friends, their presence offering a mix of comfort and distraction. Draco, with his usual air of nonchalance, was trying to ease your nerves, while Daphne’s calm smile was a soothing contrast to the chaotic energy of the stadium. Blaise and Pansy were on the other side of you, their faces set with a mix of anticipation and support.

“I’m trying,” you said, gripping the edge of your seat. “But it’s easier said than done.”

Pansy leaned in, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. “You know, I’ve seen Theo practice, and he’s exceptional. If anyone can handle this pressure, it’s him.”

Blaise nodded in agreement. “Pansy’s right. Theo’s worked incredibly hard to get here. Just focus on the game. He’ll give it his all.”

Draco gave you a reassuring pat on the back. “Remember, it’s just a game. It’s important, yes, but it’s not the end of the world. He’s already made a huge achievement by getting this far.”

Daphne’s voice was steady and calming. “And no matter what happens, you’re all here to support him. That’s what matters most.”

As the announcer’s voice boomed, signaling the start of the match, the stadium’s roar grew louder, drowning out all other sounds. The players took their positions, and you watched, heart racing, as the game began.

Draco, Daphne, Blaise, and Pansy cheered enthusiastically as the teams flew across the pitch. The intensity of the game was reflected in their faces—Draco’s eyes were sharp and focused, Daphne’s were filled with quiet confidence, Blaise was almost vibrating with energy, and Pansy was practically bouncing in her seat.

The match was competitive, with both teams demonstrating incredible skill. Theo’s team was holding their own, but it was clear the game was going to be a nail-biter. Every goal, every maneuver, every close call had you on edge.

At one particularly tense moment, Draco turned to you with a grin. “Remember how you said you didn’t want to be here for this? You’re doing great.”

You managed a shaky laugh. “I think I’m the only one who’s more nervous than he is.”

Blaise chimed in, “That’s probably because you care so much. It’s a good thing. Theo's lucky.”

The game continued with relentless energy. The Seeker from Theo’s team was weaving through players, searching for the elusive Golden Snitch. The tension was palpable as the Seeker and the Snitch seemed to be locked in an almost eternal dance.

Then, in a flash of gold and green, the Seeker’s hand closed around the Snitch. The whistle blew, and the crowd erupted into a thunderous cheer. The match was over, and Theo’s team had won.

You jumped up, your emotions spilling over as you celebrated with Draco, Daphne, Blaise, and Pansy. The sense of shared joy and relief was overwhelming. Theo’s victory was not just his; it was a testament to the support and belief of everyone who had been with him on this journey.

In that instant of triumph, the world seemed to narrow down to one person—Theo. The moment he saw the Snitch in the Seeker’s hand, his eyes locked on yours, cutting through the chaos and noise of the celebration.

With his heart pounding and adrenaline coursing through him, Theo pushed through the crowd of players and supporters. Every step was a surge of pure focus as he sought you out. His face was a picture of exhilaration and relief, his eyes scanning the stands until they found you.

Ignoring everything else, Theo sprinted towards you, his gaze never wavering. As he reached you, he threw his arms around you, pulling you into him. Before you could say anything his hands were on your face pulling you in for a long-awaited kiss. When you pulled away his breath was heavy and quick, his voice trembling with emotion.

“I did it! We did it!” he shouted, his voice choked with tears of happiness.

You hugged him tightly, tears streaming down your face. “You were incredible! I knew you could do it!”

Theo held you close, his eyes shining with the intensity of the moment. “I couldn’t have done this without you. This trophy is ours.”

Draco, Daphne, Blaise, and Pansy joined you, their cheers blending with everyone else's in the stadium. “We wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Daphne said warmly.

Pansy nodded, her eyes sparkling. “You were amazing out there. This is a dream come true!”

Blaise clapped Theo on the back, grinning broadly. “You’ve earned this moment. Enjoy every second!”

As the celebration continued around you, the sense of joy and accomplishment was overwhelming. But you couldn't focus on anything beside the man next to you and the smile on his face.

✩✩✩✩

[billythesimp]

Could I request headcanons for ZZZ Billy, Wise, and Lycaon reacting to his shy gn crush confessing to him please?

Another late-night writing session, another cilent.

[sips my coffee]

Eh- too much sugar... good.

Heartfelt Confessions

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎…

I may have done this a little wrong, but I wrote it in the sense of that they boys where enamored with the gn!insert. That they had a crush on them yet the insert confessed to them. I hope I got that right!

Billy / Wise / Lycaon x Shy-Gn!reader

𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡…⋙

tw: none?

✦ I’ll be honest, this would probably go over his head at first. Billy is familiar with their mannerisms and is always patient with them. After all, he just adores how they stumble over their worlds when they wish to comment on anything their cute mind is thinking over. So Billy is just standing there, looking at them as they gather their thoughts and admit their growing affects to them. Yet he’s too focused on the dewy glaze over their eyes when they shyly look up at him, the subtle pout on their lips where he could only dream to feel on his face-plates.

✦  But after some moments of quiet and Billy finally registering what it is they said, he’s baffled and exclaiming why someone so amazing- a beacon of joy and pure innocence, a being that anyone would be more than blessed to have been in the presence of when they flash their most radiant smile- would ever like the likes of him! Believe me, if his long pause of silence from before startled them nervous, his own sudden confession made them embarrassed as he’s practically screaming how amazing they are.

✦ But they assure him that they’ve always admired and shortly grew to love his flaws and perfections. That he made them feel safe and how he made them laugh when times grew grim, that he is always too patient and understanding and that no matter what he was told, they’d only see the real him. The person who cheers up a friend, a person who is passionate about the interests of his colleague, a person who is strong and steps up for others who can’t themselves. Billy could feel his gears and joints ache in the need to collapse as their words come out confident and true, wanting to be a mere puddle beneath their feet. Needless to say, he happily accepted after making another scene which only made them more embarrassed.

✦ His crush has been working part-time at the store with them, always helping them out with returns and promotional materials. So when Belle left to run some errands and it was just them two, Wise was shocked at first when they asked to speak with him in private. So in the staff room, they rushed out their confession that Wise was worried that they could have bitten their tongue and tried to calm them down.

✦ He holds their arms gently and tells them that it’s alright and how he’s nothing but happy to hear this. He’ll admit, he’s known about their affections for a while after all he’s Wise, cunning and sharp with attention to details. That and while he won’t admit it, Belle has at times helped him figure out if they really do like him. The teasing she and Eous gave him, if word got out to you he’d probably die there and now. Maybe he should have gone through Fairy and see to it that any camera recording of the incident be deleted.

✦ Seeing as he all accepted their confess, they smile happily before he pulls them into a tight hug, heart beating as he finally could do all the things he wanted now that they knew he liked them- no, cherished their affect and love. He couldn’t wait to bombard them with the soft touches, lingering kisses and teasing whispers that he has held back out of respect and belief that they were nothing more than just friends, co-workers, allies. That is, if they would be mentally ready as he notices how fidgety and flushed they became at the simple gesture of affection. Yeah, he’ll go slow with them for sure, but he was nothing but excited.

✦ Lycaon cares dearly for his proxy and always attempts to keep things professional between the two. However, it proves difficult when they always depend on them when working together, always seeking him out and giving him the time of day while others probably wouldn’t. He holds them closely to his heart, so anytime they call on him, he’s at attention and can’t help but have to hold back the need to kneel before them and pledge loyalty there. Which would have made them more nervous and flushed when they ask about what they are.

✦ Of course, they’ve noticed his attention to detail in their mannerism and how he’s always stepping up to help them should they grow to shy to order or help solve their problem they thought dumb and meaningless. They are scared of ruining this little bond of theirs, but Von could only assure them that their feelings are true, that he would be an idiot should he not accept their confession as he too has nothing but love filled for them. He compromised that they’ll still hold a professional work relationship but in private, he’d want nothing more than to be theirs.

✦ The way they blush and start fidgeting with a strand of hair, he hadn’t noticed how his tail swayed happily despite the calm and clear demeanor he displayed. The mere motion made them only awe at how cute he was, taking his gloved hand as he lifted it towards his muzzle. The lightest of kisses on the back of their hand, skin warmed at the touch as he only stares with those dark red eyes of his. Piercing as to say they were his as he is theirs, a bond stronger than human- one of the beast and their tamer.

[yaksha-lover]

The two of them were practically insatiable, the way they vied for your attention.

Malleus was more possessive, insisting and outright demanding every possible shred of affection he could squeeze from you. He wasn’t one to care about the fleeting fancies of others; they were certainly no threat to him. The only wandering eye he concerned himself with was your own, entreating you to fixate yourself on him. He didn’t desire so much to keep you locked away from others, only to keep you nearby. He trusted you, perhaps much more than Rollo did.

Rollo was more jealous. He preferred you to remain a pretty, untouched doll for him to gaze upon, and he became very angry when anyone wished to remind him that they could do the same. It was as though he feared if someone had even a drop of desire for you, you would be snatched from his arms into theirs. No matter how much reassurance you gave, his mistrust of the world never seemed to waver. So he clung firmly and fiercely to every scrap of you that he could manage.

Anything that could shatter Rollo’s illusion of what he believed you to be, virtuous and pure, was deeply unsettling to him - that included Malleus.

Unfortunately for him, he had no choice in sharing.

They both seemed to take a remarkable delight in your magicless status. Malleus saw it as another justification for your being perfectly created for each other - he was surely made so powerful in order to protect you. Rollo felt instead that you were something special, something to be preserved. Something he was lucky enough to stumble upon, with him being the only one worthy to touch you without tainting you.

He was especially bothered by Malleus’ influence on you, but there was naught for him to do but seethe and bide his time until the two of you could be alone. He would insist on ‘cleansing’ you after you’ve spent time with the fae, which just happened to include time spent on his lap, arms encircling you and forcing you to lay back against his chest as he murmurs quiet prayers. Were his hands to wander, it would only be spiritual guidance telling him where you’ve been debased and dirtied by that fae, where he needs to purify you with his own righteous touch.

When it came time for Malleus to find you again, Rollo was loathe to let you go. Malleus was unbothered by the other man’s temper tantrum, only focusing on you. He, too, was not keen on sharing, but knew it was for the best, at least temporarily.

In a way, the two needed each other. Rollo didn’t have Malleus’ magic power or status, as repugnant as it was to admit, and could not always guarantee your safety and closeness as he wished. Malleus had everything except for the charisma and acceptance that Rollo seemed to earn from others. A small enough obstacle, but one Malleus did not feel sure enough about to risk you over. Rollo was able to talk himself out of situations in a way that Malleus lacked, but you preferred it if he didn’t use his powers for such things. No, trusting Rollo to keep anyone from taking you away was an unpleasant but necessary choice for Malleus.

Malleus and Rollo were each biding the days before they could steal you away from the other, but for now, they seemed to exist in a temporary peace.

Keeping you safe and with them was perhaps the one thing they could agree upon.

[narcissistshandler]

giving miguel head while he explains complicated concepts of the multiverse. 😳 at first he chuckles when reader requests this, but he starts to struggle and lose track of what he was talking about. his voice becomes more desperate as he tries to explain all this stuff he knows to reader with his talons gripping at his love’s skull and his voice shaking and melting into pretty breathy moans until he can’t think of what he was talking about and instead fucks reader’s throat til he’s an overstimulated, sobbing mess

𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗖𝗛 𝗠𝗘

✧ 𝖯𝖠𝖨𝖱𝖨𝖭𝖦 gn!reader x miguel o'hara

✧ 𝖶𝖠𝖱𝖭𝖨𝖭𝖦𝖲 blowjob (reader giving), deep throat, slight overstimulation at the end, reader has no gender or genitalia mentioned, a little of blood

✧ 𝖠/𝖭 This was in my drafts for two weeks and honestly I don't remember what/how I wrote half of it, but still, this request was delicious

"—Are you listening to me?"

You blinked, seeming to come back to reality and looked into Miguel's judgmental brown eyes.

"I've been speaking Spanish for the last ten minutes," he continued before you had time to speak.

"I am," you insisted. Your first instinct was to lie. The truth was no, you weren't paying the slightest attention to any of all that complicated science and physics coming out of Miguel's mouth, even though from the beginning your focus hadn't left his lips framing every complex and long word, occasionally rising to appreciate that expression of concentration on his usually serious face that shouldn't be so erotic to anyone but you.

Miguel's eyes fell to your lap, as if he could see through the pillow you were holding, his brow immediately frowning in that way that indicated his bad mood.

"So what is the simple concept of what constitutes a Multiverse?" he questioned, sounding so much like a hot, strict teacher that you felt your sex throb in response, too distracted to even try to think of an answer. "What are the ways to overcome the barriers that separate our world from other universes?" Silence. "What happens when there is a divergence in events? Where does the variety of these universes originate?"

You knew the answer to some of these questions as someone who had heard more than enough about this subject: the multiverse was nothing more than the aggregate of parallel realities and bla bla bla. But that wasn't what Miguel wanted to hear, he wanted concise, long and scientifically coherent answers and that's why you preferred to keep your mouth shut.

"You weren't listening," he concluded with a sigh.

"Keep talking, I'll pay attention this time."

Miguel looked into your darkened eyes, noting the warm innuendo in your tone and then once again, his attention fell to the pillow that covered your lap. "You're excited," he observed, then continued seeming disgusted and irritated: "Why? Physics does that to you?"

“You do this to me,” you said. Miguel's expression seemed to become even darker. "You always seem so focused and intelligent while talking about these things I can't understand, it's sexy."

"You were the one who asked me to teach you, I didn't know this was a fantasy of yours," he pointed out.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," you asked soflty as you got up from the sofa where you sat next to Miguel and fell to your knees in front of his feet, your hands running up his bare legs until they slid under the hem of his shorts. "Continue teaching me, please? I promise I'll pay attention this time."

Miguel half growled at you, not seeming too willing to indulge in your fantasies even as his legs opened in pure muscle memory to give you room to fit between them and desire flashed in his eyes.

"How are you supposed to pay attention to what I say with my penis in your mouth? That doesn't seem like a very believable teaching method." Even with you kneeling in front of him on the floor of the apartment's living room, Miguel seemed genuinely concerned about teaching you some real knowledge about multiverse.

You rubbed your hand against the bulge in his shorts to bring him to hardness, laughing a little at how genuine Miguel was sometimes.

"You talk, I listen, then you can test me to see if I really learned something or not."

Miguel opened his mouth, looking ready to retort with some argument, but your fingers fitting into the elastic waistband of his shorts was enough to make him swallow back his words. “Okay,” he agreed finally, lifting his hips off the couch to let you pull his shorts down his legs and discard them on the floor.

"Without underwear?" You inquired teasingly, your fingers closing around Miguel's thick cock that was slowly getting hard for you and pulling him into slow, steady thrusts.

Miguel sighed at the sudden touch, a light blush coloring his cheeks at the teasing.

"Back to the beginning," he started to say, ignoring your words. "When we talk about the Multiverse, this refers to a conception of multiple universes or parallel realities existing simultaneously. Together, these universes are presumed to comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, energy..."

Your tongue trailed in a wet line from the base to the head, interrupting Miguel's speech as he trailed off with a soft sigh.

That usual satisfaction made you smile between the licks you dragged along his length, feeling the pulsation of the bulging veins against your tongue, your fingers keeping his dick firm at the base. Your lips parted, gently sucking the side of the bulbous, red head where drops of precum were beginning to leak.

Miguel let out the most beautiful moan, one of his hands falling into your hair.

“Oh,” he sighed softly, voice already falling into that deep tone that always did things to you. You looked up at the same time you slid your tongue over the slit leaking from his cock; Miguel's eyes met yours, warm and shining. He took a deep breath and continued speaking: "In the concept of multiverse, a scheme is imagined in which... all universes aggregate each other across an infinite vastness..."

He looked so composed even with your mouth on his dick and you wanted to break that composure of his until it became nothing, until his mind stopped working and the only coherent thought he had left was fucking your throat.

Miguel doesn't stop talking when your fingers tighten around his length in a grip that borders on painful and your mouth opens so you can take his length. His cock filled your mouth, the warm, smooth skin sliding over your tongue and inward in a delicious, welcome weight that made your skin tingle. Almost instinctively, you searched for more, leaning forward and taking him deeper, your free hand feeling Miguel's thigh muscles tense under your touch.

Saliva pooled in your mouth and as soon as you pulled your head back, spit slid down his length to his heavy balls and a wet line ran down your chin, a mess you knew Miguel liked. As expected, his breathing stuttered and you saw him losing his train of thought at the sight of your saliva-glossy lips stretching around the thickness of his dick.

"...In addition to the state superpos- superposition property, there are many other phenomena that occur as quantum-scale systems, such as quantum tunneling, quantum e-entanglement..."

The firm fingers tangled in the strands of your hair suddenly became sharper, like thick needles scratching your scalp. The threat of the grab hung in the air, filling your stomach with a tense heat as you realized they were Miguel's deadly talons, which could penetrate through the fragility of your skin in seconds and even an accidental scratch could draw blood. This realization shook you to the core and a moan rose in your throat.

"... So you can connect gravity and the other three forces in an apparently firm way?" he panted, sweat glistening on his forehead. "Dios mío."

It took you a few seconds to understand the jumbled words that came out of his mouth, but when you did you knew that you had achieved your objective, as the argument didn't seem to fit into any part of the multiverse theory.

Tears blocked the corners of your vision, jaw opening wider to take Miguel's cock deeper, the tip slapping against your cheek and tongue before going deeper, and then more and more. The salty taste of precum, sweat, and something else you could only describe as Miguel's taste rising in the back of your throat, clouding all your senses and pushing away the urgency burning between your legs. All that mattered was Miguel.

At that moment, your entire world was just Miguel's body contracting on the couch under the heat of your mouth, the heavy leg he had thrown over your shoulder and his heel digging into your shoulder blade in an attempt to bring you impossibly closer. There was a distinct feeling of discomfort growing in your body, Miguel's grip was strong and painful, his rationality seemed to have dissolved under the pleasure.

"[n-name] [name] [name] [name], por favor." The beautiful moans of your name in his voice echoed through the room in repeated, stammered repetitions.

The gag reflex kicked in, the bulbous head of Miguel's cock pressing past the tightness of your throat. Your eyes closed in an attempt to fight the immediate instinct to choke and suffocate, the desire to give Miguel everything he wanted was stronger. You willingly obeyed the grip of the talons on your head keeping you still, your mouth falling open and easy for the deep thrusts.

Resisting him, the urgency with which his hips undulated, as if he needed the pleasure to breathe, felt equal to having at least one pulled muscle and a deep cut left behind.

Fortunately, fighting him was far from your intention.

You could feel as his dick twitched inside your mouth and the thick, salty liquid filled your throat, which rose and fell as you swallowed. Your eyes opened, tears running down your cheeks, you closed your lips around Miguel's pulsing length, sucking. Miguel's reaction was lascivious, his thrusts becoming erratic, whole body shaking violently, his talons sinking at least a few centimeters into your skin, until it breaks under the pressure.

Hot liquid ran down the back of your neck, the pain was a distant thing in your warm body, your fingers digging into the soft skin of Miguel's thighs as you pressed the nose against the curly hair of his groin. Miguel whimpered as his cock continued to spurt small jets deep down your throat, tears glistening in his eyes and fangs sinking into the lower lip.

You had lied again, you hadn't paid attention to anything he said, but it didn't matter since you doubted that Miguel remembered what even was a subatomic particle now.

[qvrcll]

Warnings: mentions of political marriages, strangers > friends > lovers, kissing near towards the end, mentat at mind, lover boy at heart

The ordeal is simple — at-least on paper. You and Paul are meant to be wed on the single promise of a shared goal between the two of your houses, which come down to one thing and one thing only: security. Wealth, power and standing do not surmount to what, in Leto’s words, the Emperor has planned for the futility of house Atreides. He knows, Thufir knows, everyone knows, that Arrakis wasn’t branded to be some sweetly wrapped gift that fell into his lap when the time came to reward the duke. No - matters of this sort were much too systematic, especially at a scale such as this. Something must be done, to solidify the house of Atreides upon the rain-swept expanse of Caladan. Something to bind the Atreides to their mother planet long enough, so there might not be strife or conflict that sharpens whatever blade is held against them. So, wed Paul you must.

Simple doesn’t translate so easily against the obscurity that is the real world.

In the real world, the two of you are mere strangers. The only thing that binds the two of you is the responsibility bourne from the insignias that you wear, that are soon to culminate as two adjoining houses; whilst his happen to be two thick lines of silver against his collar, yours take on a different shape, a strange alterity between curves and striking lines, and shot through with gold against the sleeve of your garments. There is it — the mere tellings of your differences, as pure as day. He wonders how the symbols will look like, meshed together and serving as one. He wonders how he will appear next to you - frail boy or able man?

Half of the time, you catch his eye simply because you are there, sitting duly next to your father and ascertaining the weight of such a marriage past paper, when all is said and done. Other times, you are a blurring fragment in the hallways, swathed in your house’s colours and too fleeting to get a hold on, sometimes even flanked by your house’s livery. Mere strangers, he reminds the indiscernible feeling in his chest.

-

“Where is your head at? Focus!” Gurney growls out, more harsh tempered than his usual mood, as he crouches and takes Paul’s fair strike for what it was - a clean swipe that was meant for his chest, which now deflects smoothly off of the older, more haggard man’s shield, and sets the room abuzz with vibrations. And so the smell of ozone worsens, Paul calculates in his head, as he shakes his head thoroughly and shifts his grip on his weapon. Gurney isn’t impressed — not in the way he usually is. Paul knows he must answer.

“This is me focusing,” Paul offers, and doesn’t grit his teeth or possess a sudden candour with his strikes because he respects Gurney. But he cannot help the mood that has blanched him - voids, how he wishes he could confess those words, verbatim, to the older man who currently encircles his passes like a seasoned ring-fighter. But the word ‘mood’ had gotten him in line last week, when Gurney had simply upped his antics with the mere mention of it, “I’m just out of breath.”

“No, you’re not.” Gurney smiles, clenching his palm around the ragged hilt of the Kindjal. He knows, Paul thinks bitterly.

“No, I’m not.” Paul confesses. He tests a low swoop of his dagger - ill-advised - and reigns his laugh in when it catches Gurney off his feet, his back staggering against the training table.

Let’s see how you like this, lad, Gurney formalises in his mind, as he presses his defence like a bull and keeps his attacks slow and pulsing through the air, blinding all of Paul’s spots, “Is it the marriage?”

Cornered for tactics, and focusing mostly on not getting cleaved to pieces during training, Paul scoffs, “Of course it’s the marriage.”

“You’re scared.”

At this, Paul counters metal with metal, bounding back when it rings against his ears, rings against the room, “I’m not scared. I’m prepared to fulfil my duty, even if I am given options,” a dull parry, which still creates momentum, and thus space, between the two men, “I’m only uneasy because I’ve never actually met her.”

“You have. Several times. Or have you been asleep throughout your father’s meetings?”

Paul stresses a firm strike against Gurney, which repels off of his own shield by how close the dagger strikes the space between them. But he’s good at catching himself. Gurney, unused to Paul’s strange and newly learnt manoeuvres, falls short. He tries to counter, but cannot, but he is most impressed for it.

“Concede.” Paul breathes, low and attempting a threatening veil, as Gurney’s back meets the floor. The old man grunts, before nodding deftly as Paul hauls him to his feet with one palm alone. They settle in different corners of the room, silence beseeching both of them suddenly - they’re not two men for silence, but in Gurney’s head, Paul is undergoing a strange part of his life. He wonders if Paul fears it in the night.

Paul interjects Gurney’s thoughts.

“Do you - have you… met her?” his voice is meek. Uncharacteristic. Gurney smirks.

“Once or twice, in the hallways.”

“And? How is she?”

Gurney laughs. The boy is eager today.

-

The next time I see her, I will speak, he promises.

Better said than done. With no similar companions his age - a course of action being the very result of his heritage, his mother reminds him - he truly doesn’t know how to properly seek you out. You are more shadow than friend, more idea than person, and the more he sees you, the more he forgets.

“Something on your mind?” Duncan nudges him with the edge of some Fremen equipment, that bothers him well enough to dredge out Paul’s concerns. Not that he needs to. It is written on his face.

“Yes,” Paul confesses, readjusting for comfort, “It’s about my marriage.”

“You speak as though you will marry tomorrow. It is not set it stone. Not yet.”

Paul scoffs, “I know that. I just haven’t met her yet. And I want to.”

Duncan, in the midst of polishing some hardware and solar devices, that smell quite faintly of hot sand and the sun, pauses to glance away from Paul’s face. When his gaze returns, it is almost teasing, a smirk ripping across his face, “You’re in luck today.”

“What?” Paul swivels and —

Oh. Oh.

You’re standing there. Hands clasped behind your back, yes. Stoic, assessing expression, yes. Clothed in rich colours of your house, as you always are in his passing vision - only this time, it is a green so deep that it comes across as black. Suddenly, realising that you have been found out by not only Duncan Idaho, but by the Duke’s son himself, you uncharacteristically let slip your own embarrassment through wide eyes.

“Oh. My apologies — I, uh, didn’t mean to intrude. I was just curious by the - er - gadgets.” you fumble for words at a rate that would be comical if not for the morbid embarrassment seizing you by the seconds. You’re shaking your head politely, smile strained and legs rooted where they are and ready to melt into the various corridors - back to your own duties, you assume. Away from company. Paul, however, stands linearly and full of purpose, face constructed of hard lines that all smile at you.

“No, please. Join us,” his voice is smooth - you’ve never heard him talk, even around those board room meetings - and his hand is extended to gesture within the space, “I insist.”

Duncan raises a brow in amusement and Paul wants to tamp his feet down with a neat blow. That pulls a chortle out of the man, which only further startles you. Paul invites you cordially to take a seat, where you fit awkwardly, like you were truly imposing. However, in a manner of minutes, that is all erased when Duncan lets the two of you weigh the objects in your hand – sand compactor, weapons, stinted devices that were far too aged to be still of use but gathering attention nonetheless. When Paul passes it to you, he feels your soft fingers pass underneath his own, where a warm feeling curdles as an afterthought.

“This—is a sand compactor?” you ask warily, tilting the device as though it would spring up on you and dissolve to bits. Duncan barks out a laugh.

“For sand compacting, yes.” he humours you. You, however, are too lost on the object, still swirling it around in your palms; eyes peeled downwards.

“Yes. I see.” you reply.

The two men dissolve into a fit of laughter. You look up, eyes helplessly trailing from one to the next. The day is easy.

-

Paul is thankful for the event, and so are you. It doesn’t solve all his problems, and his head is always probing with inquiries and worries, but he can count on the off chance of seeing you in the hallways. He can count on the fact that you will pause, meet his eyes and smile.

You’re walking the countless hallways of the estate - Caladan had so much water to offer, but no one on your native planet ever mentioned the striking architecture, the hollowed out walls and think-pieces painted across rooms. High domed ceilings, with absolutely nothing to offer but soft light. Some rooms contained scintillating glass, chairs of different shapes and mediums, tables too big for just a few affairs. Others were bound shut, but that didn’t discourage nor intimidate you, nor your entourage.

On one such day, you’re caught in your explorations by none other than the Atreides heir.

In actuality, it is you who catches him first, stood perfectly still at the end of the corridor and holding a terse expression. When he spots you, his shoulders relax and he manages to blink once, before his mouth opens underneath the realisation that you were really here.

“Hello.” his voice is strong, and carries well.

That was awkward. This is always awkward. He curses himself.

You smile, and it swipes at the ground beneath his feet, “I didn’t expect to see you here.

“This is my residence, yes?” more jest than anything else. You snort.

“I am aware. Your residence is quite beautiful. I like to wander,” you say, finding yourself fixing a meandering pace beside him, and he smiles softly when he realises that he, too, steps beside you at a similar speed, “I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t. Never.”

It is quick work after that – by pure coincidence, that you joke to Paul that is it is methodical instincts and ground-work as a mentat that he is able to summon himself almost anywhere you are present from that point onwards, you two bump into each other more and more in the corridors, and from there, it extends to the rather large library, the training space with Gurney skirting its edges, the ever-blossoming gardens even, which held more water than shrubbery in retrospect. Meetings pertaining to your marriage held an element of amusement now, as Paul actually tries to catch your eye this time, drumming his lithe and smooth fingers against the table in a way that could’ve passed off as a wandering of his mind as his father droned on about security measures and fuel caps, but you notice.

You hadn’t, not before, but you did now. To his pleasure, you even respond in a tiny flickering of fingers against the age-old meeting table, the vibrations a blur against his obvious contentment.

-

“You look glad.” Gurney comments and Paul realises how uninvolved his attention had been on the room before him. He quickly assesses it and whatever lays within it; table, check. Light source, check. Scratchy walls, check. Gurney’s ever-gracing height, check.

When had his habits, trained and chained to duty, begun to sweep towards you?

“Do I?” Paul asks, keeping his voice as still as he can manage. He had swiped at his face to rid the itch off his brow, but he unwittingly catches how warm he is. Not uncomfortable, no. But enough to leave a mark on his consciousness. It was like he was simply losing grip on his own composure when he thought of… something. It was still fleeting in his own mind.

He is too afraid to retrace his steps and find a familiar pair of eyes staring at him in the recesses of it.

Gurney slaps a hand on Paul’s shoulder, seemingly articulate with the latter’s feelings. Old man, Paul would curse out in jest, but he merely smiles. It is strained, and strange. Paul never puts an effort into his smiles, Gurney notes.

“Something is on your mind.” Gurney clicks his tongue.

Paul blinks, swallows, “Something is on my mind.”

“Out with it.”

Paul hesitates, which is strange, because in all his fights he is the first to stoke the flame. He isn’t vengeful – at-least, he doesn’t think he is – that’s why his strikes lack a hunger for blood and instead, settle for calculation. Briefness. No means to an end just yet. Or ever, he thinks.

But with you, it’s different. That’s what he spits out, what he lets Gurney work with. How you were a supposed intrusion into his life – something he had assumed would be awkward, like a stab wound that had scabbed over and began to weakly throb in pain, always to remind itself of its own compromise to work around demise. He thought you would be that; but upon meeting you, you were anything but that. You were curious and brilliant in your own way – similar to him, yet miles apart so that you were the form of a friend he had always wished for in his youth. You talked about your interests and spent double your time inquiring about his. When your hands brushed, his own grew clammy – that’s the strangest one of them all, Gurney – And something was blossoming – was it friendship? Was it trust? Was it fear?

What was this spattering and gooey mess slipping over the swell of his heart whenever you appeared? What was it?

He talks and talks and talks until Gurney squeezes his palm over Paul’s shoulder in a way an uncle would do to his nephew who he might want to reassure. Or a brother would to his youngest companion, as if to say: I see you. I hear what you say.

“Sounds to me like there’s an awful lot of trust between the two of you,” Gurney clicks his tongue again, only this time, Paul scoffs. Ah, there he is – there is the Paul Atreides I know, Gurney smiles, “And something else too.”

“What is it?” Paul asks. His eyes are curious, brows furrowed. Gurney holds down the laugh building in his chest, and the emboldened words in red: you’re falling in love with this friend of yours, boy, and instead, pats him on the shoulder.

“Piece of advice, if you’ll heed to anything I say,” Paul straightens with attention, “Let the truth flow. Do not stop it. Do not push it back. To live with the truth, you must learn its ways and be one with it.”

That night, Paul walks back to his room with the truth beneath his skin, and listens to his own heartbeat against his pillow. The rest of him warms with the realisation of, oh, oh, oh.

-

The next time you see Paul, you think you’d done something to offend him. Or bore him. Or something other.

It had become a pleasant habit; meeting him at the Caladan gardens, opting for a spot and sitting with your backs to the grass, counting the stars as you talked. Before, conversation had tipped forth whenever. Now, there was something in the air – tension. And it is him that brings it.

Paul avoids your eyes, settling instead for the vast colouring of grey across the hallway walls whenever he caught you in it. He had stopped sending you the familiar drumming of his fingertips across the meeting table, and instead always froze up when you met his gaze, whereby he turned red with anger – or was it anger? What was it?

He’d always be staring at your face, and you would wonder if there was a piece of parchment stuck to it, or if he was merely bored around you; most days, you allowed it. It stung, yes, but you had nothing ill to hold against him. But it accumulated, unbeknownst to you, and for him to miss your question yet again made you sigh in defeat – disappointment?

“You seem distracted,” you say, not bothering to shield the hurt in your words, though you couldn’t begin to understand why and when you had ever begun to crave expect the attention of his earthen-dusted eyes, “Am I boring you?”

He straightens up, his eyes wide, which in turn surprises you, “Bored? Seven hells, no. ‘Course not.”

“What did I just ask then?”

He cringes, “I promise I’m not bored. Just…”

His fingers flex in his lap, before curling into themselves, and his cheeks warm slightly. Is it happening now? Is he doing it now? The weather was right; a typical Caladan breeze, heavy with the wetting of the sky from the day, and now shrouded with clouds and a darkness that was impenetrable. Even as the two of you laid against the bare grass, no one outside could tell either of you apart from the ground itself. In the moonlight, you were almost one with it.

“Just?” you ask. You were curious of this now, “Just what?”

“Just!” he sucks in a harsh breath, his sharp face now boyishly soft and pliant in a way you hadn’t seen it before, “I… Just promise you won’t take offence to this.”

How ironic.

“I promise, Paul,” you smile, shoulder bumping against his as you glance at the side of his face, the way his nose shapes perfectly against the dampness of the Calandan wind, “Tell me.”

Be one with it. Be one with it. It is a mantra in his head.

“I realise that I have begun to grow a certain, uh, affection for you. Yes, I like you. I don’t know how it had begun. And I know it’s foolish of me to even act this way when we are set to marry. But I know, in my heart, that—“ a breath, as he nervously glances at your now surprised face and oh, he shuts his mouth. He opens it again, panicked, “My apologies. I shouldn’t have—let me—”

“Paul.” you stop him, hands against his one arm that seems to be quivering ever so slightly – how much of it can he hold?

He waits. Bated breath.

You smile, shy and sweet and it whips against him in a way that the wind of his mother planet had never managed to. Here is my dear friend, he thinks, my dear friend who was but a stranger a long time ago and is set to marry me once talks have been concluded. Here is my friend who I have poured my stupid, ill heart to and who still looks at me with kindness.

“I like you too.”

He blinks. He looks at you when you speak and watches, really watches, how your mouth forms against the words. I like you too.

“As a companion? Or friend, at best? Is that what your ‘like’ refers to?” he asks, nervous in the face of your admission. It makes you smile, as he rambles slightly, and though his countenance is that of poise and grace, beneath he is a a boy of tender heart. Smiling, you grab the front of his thick coat lapel and watch his words die on his tongue as you place a feathery, warm and soft kiss against his mouth. It was so unbelievable, he thought he’d conjured it all up – that you weren’t here, timidly kissing him with a sheepish smile on your face, and the stars of his home glinting against your skin. He lets his finger brush your cheek, still dumb-struck.

“Again.” he whispers. His heart hammers at the sound of your breathy laugh, as you repeat the action, conviction in your palms as they lay upon his cheek, “Again, please.”

“Again?” you ask, voice soft and muted as he hoists you atop of his front, chest to chest, and gazing at him like he was everything. Within the action, your golden insignia brushes his own, silver ones so briefly that he can make out a shape bourne from the contact of either two, before they separate. You wanted him, as he wanted you. And soon, you would wed, and the image of gold upon silver won’t be so unclear anymore. Maybe, somewhere warmer and less unbelievable, he could let himself grow familiar with the reality of you. But for now, he could settle for this to be a mere dream he had grown to relish so very much. Even now, he could almost believe none of this to be real, just a trick of the mind. Maybe fatigue or delusion.

He says your name so quietly, a plea, and it has never sounded sweeter, “Please.”

And yet, the soft press of your mouth upon his convinces him that it is so much more.

-

i wanted to incorporate some inferences of paul’s character from the early novel (mentat, solitude in terms of companions, great fighter), as well as the film, whilst wanting to stray away from the destruction of house atreides after the gifting of arrakis, which would explain why the marriage needs to take place. sooo no one dies! HURRAH!!!!!!!!! enjoy :]

© 2023 qvrcll. Do not repost any of my works on any platform.

[pedroscurls]

Hii!

I was wondering if you could make a hugh jackman x reader (shes in her 30's) where she is also an actress and they met while she also worked on Deadpool and Wolverine, and they are dating in secret and the reader is promoting her new show with her male costar and they do promoting and stuff and hugh feels like she deserves someone her own age also cause she is an uprising actress and he calls it off and they are both miserable, so ryan decides to bring her on the deadpool and wolverine press tour and makes them talk and make up and they decide to go public at the deadpool and wolverine world premiere ^^ you can decide the ending :)

better together (one-shot)

summary: after filming finishes with deadpool & wolverine, your relationship with hugh progresses... until he breaks things off with you. it isn't until ryan invites you to the press tour that you see him again and finally have a serious conversation with him. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader content warnings: angst (with a happy ending!), age gap (reader is in 30s, hugh is 56), description of reader (hair and outfit), no use of y/n. word count: 2.9k a/n: gah - this was so much fun to write!!! i know this took a while to post, so thank you thank you thank you for waiting and also for requesting! hope you enjoy it :) as always, this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Hugh tells you, hands stuffed in his pockets as he stares at you. He didn’t want to do this, but after seeing the chemistry you had with your co-star in your new movie, he realized that he’d just be holding you back. You have your entire life ahead of you, still an up and coming actress in the industry who’s already taken the world by storm. You didn’t need him holding you back. 

“What do you mean?” Tears build in your eyes as you stare at him. You know where this is going, know exactly how this conversation is going to go. “I don’t understand. We’ve been– Things have been really going really well. We’ve been careful and–”

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” he blurts out. Hugh lies. He sees you take a step towards him, but he just shakes his head and steps back from you. He needs to keep his distance from you, even though his mind and heart is screaming at him to just pull you into his arms. 

“You’re lying…” 

“I’m sorry,” he sighs. “You deserve someone better than me, baby. Someone your age and I can’t– I can’t give you what you need.” 

“You don’t know what I need.”

“I know that it’s not me,” Hugh says. 

“I asked you before if our age gap bothered you,” you whisper, tears now strolling down your cheeks. “You said it didn’t. What changed?” 

“Everything,” he answers. 

“Okay,” you reply, voice shaky. “I think you should go.”

Hugh nods, clearing his throat. “Right, yeah. I just– I’ll see you around?” 

“Probably not.” 

“Baby…” Hugh shakes his head, and corrects himself by calling you by your name instead. “I’d still like it if we remain friends…”

“I don’t think I can do that,” you answer honestly. “Goodbye, Hugh.” You walk to your front door and open it for him, gripping the handle as you keep your eyes focused on your feet. 

Hugh sighs and then walks towards you, he stops briefly to look down at you, waiting and waiting for you to just look up at him. But you don’t. He leans in, tries to give you a kiss on your cheek, but you pull away, taking a step back away from him. 

“Goodbye, Hugh,” you repeat, gazing up at him momentarily. 

Hugh tightens his jaw. He can see the broken look you have on your face and as badly as he wants to tell you that he doesn’t mean any of the things he’s said, he doesn’t. “Goodbye,” he whispers, stepping past the threshold as he hears the door shut quietly behind him.

—

“You called it off?” Ryan says over the phone once Hugh climbs into his car. “Are you an idiot?” 

“Ryan–”

“You do realize you just let go of someone who could have been really good for you, right?” 

“I’m fifty-six, Ryan. Let’s be real here. She’s just starting out and she’s going to meet new people, work with people who are around her age. I’m just going to be holding her back.” Hugh admits, starting his car and putting on his seatbelt. When he pulls out of the parking spot and begins to leave your apartment complex, he feels his heart break just a little bit more. 

“So all of a sudden, we care about age gap?” Ryan asks. “Since when?”

Hugh sighs. “I just saw her with her co-star for the latest movie she’s in and well, it just got me thinking. What is she doing with someone almost twice her age? I don’t deserve her, Ryan.” 

Ryan laughs. He literally laughs and it makes Hugh rolls his eyes. “I’m sorry, Hugh,” he takes a deep breath in between his laughter. “But that’s the most bullshit excuse I’ve ever heard. You’re not the type of guy to care about those things.”

“It’s just different with her. She has so much potential,” Hugh answers. “I just know what people are going to say if word ever got out that we were together.”

“Who cares? You never cared about all of that.” 

“I don’t, but her career is just starting. If everyone knew about my relationship with her, she would forever be attached to my name. People aren’t going to take her seriously and–”

“She doesn’t care about that shit either,” Ryan interrupts. “She can hold her own. If she couldn’t, she wouldn’t have made it this far in this industry. You and I both know that.”

“Well, it’s been done, Ryan.”

“So, get her back.”

“No.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I already broke her.” 

“Broken things can always be fixed,” Ryan adds.

“Not this time,” Hugh sighs. “There’s no coming back from this. You didn’t see the way she looked at me.”

“I have an idea,” Ryan comments. “I mean, you just broke her heart and–”

“Ryan,” Hugh warns. “Listen, I wanted to tell you because I know she might be joining the team for the press tour for Deadpool & Wolverine and didn’t want things to be awkward… Or weird.” 

“Well, I appreciate being in the loop,” Ryan sighs. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” 

Hugh shrugs to himself as he continues driving. “I’m not okay right now, but yeah, I will be.”

“I still think you’re making a big mistake, but… if you’re sure, then okay, Hugh.” 

Hugh doesn’t know if he’s even sure this was a good idea. There’s a part of him that already knows he’s making a mistake by letting you go, but he couldn’t shake off the nagging thought that he’d be holding you back. Especially not after seeing the chemistry you had with your male co-star. It wasn’t that he was jealous – Hugh isn’t a jealous man – but it just showed him that you deserved better than him. Deserved to be with someone closer to your age. 

“Right, thanks for listening, mate. I’ll see you next week.” 

—

It’s been a couple of weeks since Hugh had broken up with you and you had to force a smile on your face for every interview for your new movie. No one on your team or your fellow co-stars noticed a difference in your behavior, so at least it was easy to put on a facade in the meantime. 

You just don’t know how you would react when seeing Hugh for the first time when you join them for the press tour of Deadpool & Wolverine. Since Hugh had broken up with you a couple of weeks ago, you had been utterly miserable. You couldn’t unfollow him on Instagram, afraid that some internet sleuths out there will take note. So when you aimlessly scroll the app at night, sometimes you’ll see his name pop up and he’s just reposting the marketing videos that the Deadpool account had been posting to promote the movie. 

It aches you every time you see his picture. You didn’t think that you would have fallen for him, especially since he had just gotten out of a very long-term relationship and commitment, but one night after filming and after about three drinks in, you kissed him. Luckily, it was just the two of you in the comfort of your trailer. You were exhausted, but you had been noticing Hugh more and more on set. It was hard not to. He just captured your attention every time he entered a room, would make eye contact with every single person, and flash them the kindest and warmest smile you’d ever seen. 

You were lucky that the feelings you felt for him were mutual. So after one kiss, things progressed even further after that. You’d meet him at his hotel room or he’d meet you at yours. Sometimes, you would even spend the night, but when on set, you remained professional and you slowly got closer with the rest of the cast, including Ryan and Shawn. 

Even after filming for the movie ended, you and Hugh continued to see each other, making sure to be very careful not to get caught by the public eye. Only a good handful of your close friends and family knew about the relationship. The more time you spent with him, the more you started to fall for him. 

So when he decided to call things off, it caught you by surprise. Hugh hadn’t made any indication that he was rethinking this relationship and with the excuse of it being because of your age gap hurt ten times more since he never mentioned that it was ever an issue for him. 

And now, you’re walking into the hotel where the press conference for the entire cast of Deadpool & Wolverine will be for the next hour. You’re dressed in a pair of dark, denim jeans and black heels paired with a white t-shirt underneath a black oversized blazer. Your hair pulled back into a slicked back bun, makeup always remaining light and you fidget with the rings that are placed on your fingers. You can see everyone congregating in the middle of the lobby, but your eyes – they immediately find Hugh’s. 

He’s matching your outfit – dark jeans, white t-shirt, and unbuttoned black top. He flashes you a small smile in your direction and you just nod, walking inside. You can feel his eyes on you and you approach. The last few weeks had been miserable and he had tried to distract himself from thoughts of you, but he found it very difficult. Ever since leaving your apartment, Hugh couldn’t stop reflecting on maybe he had made the wrong decision. 

“Look at you,” Ryan grins, pulling you into a hug. “Glad you were able to make time for us,” he teases. 

You roll your eyes and return the hug. “Oh, please. You know I’d drop everything if you asked,” you smile. 

“Good to know,” he winks. “Because I’ve been writing a little something and there’s a part that I think you’d be perfect for.” 

“You’ll have to tell me all about it then.” 

Ryan nods and then pulls away to look between you and Hugh, his hands crossing in front of him. “So… Looks like the gang's back together.”

Hugh’s hands are placed in his pockets, his gaze still on you. He feels the urge to pull you into a hug, to give you a kiss, but he refrains from doing so. 

“Hi, Hugh,” you say professionally, giving him a slight nod. “Nice to see you.”

“Yeah, uh,” he clears his throat. “You look great.”

“Thank you.”

“You– You been busy?” Hugh asks. 

“Yeah,” you answer, looking away from him.

“Okay…” Ryan says quietly, moving a hand to clasp Hugh’s shoulder. “I’m gonna give you two some time to talk and–”

“Ryan,” you and Hugh say simultaneously.

“What?” he chuckles. “You both need to talk. Press conference doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes.” Ryan turns on his heel and walks over to Shawn, leaving both you and Hugh alone. 

“You really do look great,” Hugh finally says. 

You just give him a nod. “Listen, we can just keep our distance. We can be professional. We don’t have to–”

“I’m sorry,” he interrupts. 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” you reply. “I wasn’t what you wanted and that’s fine.” 

“Baby,” Hugh whispers, eyes softening. “That’s not– I didn’t–” He sighs heavily. “I don’t deserve you. I never did.” 

“Yeah, but that’s not up to you. It never was. You decided for me. You made that choice for me, Hugh.”

“Can we talk outside? Away from everyone else?” Hugh asks, leading you outside in a more secluded area. 

You bite your lower lip and then nod slowly, motioning for him to lead the way. He turns on his heel and glances over at you from over his shoulder, making sure that you’re still following him. Once outside, he shuts the door and takes a deep breath. 

“I miss you,” Hugh blurts out. 

“You can’t– You don’t get to say that, Hugh. You broke this off.”

“I needed to.” 

“You needed to?” you let out a sarcastic laugh, shaking your head and rolling your eyes. “Are you really going to give me another excuse, Hugh? Seriously. Just be honest. I liked you a lot more than you liked me and that’s that.”

“That’s not true,” Hugh shakes his head. 

“No? Then what changed, Hugh?”

“I didn’t want to be the reason I was holding you back,” he admits.

“What?” you ask, brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you talking about, holding me back? How?” 

“I’m almost twice your age, baby.” Hugh sighs. “I saw– I saw you with your co-star and I just realized that you deserved someone that was closer to your age. You’re still an up and coming actress and I don’t want you to regret this, with me.” 

“Did I–” you sigh quietly. “Did I ever give you the impression that you would hold me back? That I would somehow one day regret this?” 

Hugh shakes his head. “Well, no…”

“Then why would you assume that just because of my co-star? Do you think that I don’t have these thoughts? That you’re supposed to be with someone closer to your age and that if this were to ever get out, people are going to say that you deserve better than me?”

“I didn’t think about that…”

“No, of course you didn’t,” you tell him. “Because you decided for me. You didn’t even give me a chance to choose, Hugh.”

“You would have chosen me.”

“You’re right,” you tighten your jaw. “I would have chosen you. I would still choose you.”

“But… why? I’m fifty-six. I’m divorced. I have two kids and–”

“Because I’ve fallen in love with you.” you interrupt him, tears pooling at your eyes. 

Hugh’s eyes widen slightly and he takes a step closer to you. “You– You’re falling in love with me?” 

“Yes, but you broke my heart, so now I have to–”

Hugh shakes his head and cups your cheeks, pressing his lips firmly to yours. He doesn’t care who will see because hearing those words just validated what he was feeling too. He feels you lean into him, hands coming to rest on his hips as his hands move to splay against the sides of your neck, moving his lips slowly with yours.

“Hugh,” you mumble, pulling away briefly as he rests his forehead against yours. “You can’t kiss me like that.”

“I regret letting you go,” he admits. “And if you’ll have me, I really want to give this another try.”

“But our age gap…”

“If it doesn’t bother you, then it shouldn’t bother me.”

“Just–” you sigh quietly. “Don’t break my heart again.”

“I won’t. I let you go once and I’ve been miserable ever since,” Hugh confesses. 

“I can’t believe I just told you I’ve fallen in love with you,” you smile, leaning in to rest your forehead against his chest as his arms move to snake around your frame.

“And just so we’re clear,” he whispers, pressing a soft kiss on your temple. “I’ve fallen in love with you too.”

You pull back with wide eyes and you open your mouth to say something, but Ryan opens the door and grins at the both of you. 

“Alright, lovebirds, press is about to start. Keep it in your pants until afterwards, yeah?” Ryan winks.

—

“So, you’re sure?” you ask, looking up at Hugh as you both walk towards the car waiting for the both of you outside. It’s the world premiere of Deadpool & Wolverine and Hugh had begun talking about making your relationship public. 

“I am if you are, baby.” Hugh leans down and pecks your lips lightly. “I’m tired of sneaking around.” 

You nod, reaching down and taking a hold of his hand. “Then, let’s do it.” you smile, stepping inside of the car and feeling him climb in next to you. The car begins to move, driving towards the venue of the premiere. 

“I love you,” he whispers, looking at you with a gaze filled with so much love and softness behind it. “Thank you for giving me another chance, baby.” 

“I’d be stupid not to,” you tease, reaching up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing against the stubble. 

The car stops at the venue and you look out the window with wide eyes. There are already so many cameras, so many fans waiting on the sidelines and other celebrities are walking the red and yellow carpet. Hugh steps out first and smiles to himself, waving at the cameras before he looks back at you. 

“You ready, baby?” Hugh extends a hand out for you and gently takes a hold of your hand. 

“With you, always.” You take his hand and step out of the car with him, hearing both your names being called and Hugh slowly laces his fingers with yours as you walk towards the first marker on the carpet. 

He holds you close to his side and when he turns to press a soft kiss on your temple, the crowd roars with excitement and the cameras continue to flash in your direction. 

“Are you two together!?” 

“When did this happen!? 

“We love you!!!” 

You try to drown out the noise and it’s easy with Hugh by your side. He releases your hand to allow solo shots of the both of you and when you pose a good distance from him, Hugh can’t help but keep his eyes focused on you. He only smiles for a few moments at the camera before he runs towards you, arms wrapping around you from behind as he presses a kiss to your cheek. 

“I love you,” he whispers into your ear. 

You smile and turn around to face him, moving a hand to cup his cheek. “Let’s give ‘em something to talk about?” 

Hugh grins. “Yeah, baby.” Then, he leans down and presses his lips softly against yours.

[samkerrworshipper]

close your eyes

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, arsenal x reader

part 1 of beautiful girl series-> pt.2 -> pt.3

warnings: drug abuse, drug addiction, mentions of sexual assault, sexual assault, jordan and leah r broken up, basically a trauma dump, unedited, if you are not in an okay headspace this fic is not for u, based on beautiful boy

You find it hard to remember the last time you felt loved. 

Not the kind of love that people tell you everyday, no, real unconditional, meaningful, purposeful love. The kind of love where a person looks at you like you single handedly hung the stars and the moon, the kind of love where it feels like nobody could love you in the same way, the same love that shakespeare wrote poems about, the same love that you know that you could never be capable of receiving. 

You don’t really blame anybody but yourself, how could people love you, how could people want to love you? You weren’t a loveable person, in your opinion you were quite frankly the exact opposite. 

Maybe when you were eight, when you were cute and loveable, when you had cute little piggy tails and wore pink overalls and only wanted to dance and talk about unicorns. 

Maybe when you were ten and you spent every afternoon practising football in the backyard with your moms. 

Maybe when you were twelve and your only aspirations for life were to win your school spelling bee and captain england just like your mom. 

From then on, it all seemed like one big blur. 

From 12 onwards you don’t think a lot of you was lovable, hell you hardly thought eight year old you was lovable, a tiny little orphan who had seen so much of the world and yet none of it, yet your moms had spent every single day trying to make you feel like you were and it had worked. For possibly the first time in your life, you’d felt that love, like a whole galaxy revolved around you, like no matter what happened in your life, you could face it. 

It was funny how fast that feeling could fade. 

It wasn’t really that surprising that you’d seeked out something to fill the hole inside of you, or at least that’s how you saw it. 

It started at 14, when you were so consumed with all of the pain around you, the shit storm of broken relationships and the broken home that now replicated the same one you’d come from. Babies learnt to self soothe by being left to cry, teenagers learnt to self soothe through pain. 

First it was spending as much time as possible out on the pitch with your moms, every single one of your afternoons spent practising, and any minute you weren’t on the pitch it was non stop studying. 

You formed a anger for it, a pure hatred for the sport that your moms were so fond of, a sport that had brought them together and inevitably forced them apart. 

At 15 you left football behind, you focused on your school, spending every spare minute on your studies, they headaches and migraines, the stress, the anxiety, it was all good, it proved that you were trying, it filled the hole inside of you. 

When you were 15, you stopped caring. Your mama stopped caring, she moved 3 hours away for her own career, she didn’t have time to care about your school work, as for your mom, it wasn’t an easy job captaining the lionesses to a european championship, she had bigger problems then you.

When you turned 16, everything changed. Your mom tore her acl, Lia moved in, there wasn’t any room for you, let alone room for you to be loved. Your mama stopped visiting as often, only when it was necessary, for the first time in a while, you felt alone, truly alone. 

When you turned 17, you found other ways to self soothe. Babies cried for attention, out of hope that they’d find some of that love that they were missing when they were alone. Babies cried because they had no other way of conveying the loneliness and desperate need they had for whatever they were seeking. Teenagers do stupid things in search of the same thing, love, attention and in search of something. Teenagers are stupid by default, you weren’t unbeknownst to that, the eight year old version of you though would have swore six ways to sunday that you’d never behave in the way you were, out of fear that you’d end up back where you’d come from, that you’d lose the only family that had ever showed you a glimpse of love, teenage you figured there wasn’t any more love for you, it had all been swallowed up by younger you, taken before you could really understand the magnitude of that love, before you needed it the very most. 

Maybe it was the pot speaking, or the nicotine from your vape, or it was just the overwhelming cloud that always seemed to hit when you were high. It would fade eventually, it always did, all the deep emotional shit that made you want to cry would go, and you’d be left mellowed out, all of your feeling sucked out like a deep exhale, sometimes it just happened to be that you had to feel it all before you felt nothing, before the overwhelming numbness hit you and the hole in your heart was filled once again. 

You flinched at the knock on your bedroom door, you were grateful enough for the warning, it had taken a lot of convincing to your mom and her best friend before they’d finally agreed to it. 

You didn’t bother trying to hide your vape, the joint you had been smoking had been put out a couple of minutes ago. 

“Come in.”

You stayed sat on the ledge of your window, your head hanging halfway out, the cool london winter breeze making your lips numb and your face pink. 

The door opened slowly and you kept your eyes on the outside street, watching the cars drive past underneath you. 

“Hey, dinners ready if you want to come down.”

You nodded absentmindedly, avoiding Lia’s eyeline. 

“It’s freezing, close your window.”

You looked over at the swiss woman, a woman who was now so familiar in your home that you saw her more than the woman you called your mama. 

“I’m good.”

You took a deep breath, one last inhale of the chilly air before turning to face Lia and uncurling your body, standing up and walking towards the door where she was standing. 

“If you want to live in Antarctica then that’s your call.”

You try your best to suppress the eye roll, instead opting to pull your vape from your pocket and take a deep inhale, it’s not as good as the cold air but it’s something. It also helps to cover the weed scent that you’re trying to cover up. 

Lia walks behind you, shaking her head at the puff of vapour that hits her right in the face as you make your way down the stairs and into the living room and then into the dining room. 

Your mom is sitting at the table, fiddling with the cutlery and looking down at the meal that you know she most definitely did not cook. 

It was one of the only bonuses of having Lia around, when jordan left the healthy and yummy food had turned into mostly take away and food that wasn’t cooked on a stove top because Leah had learnt her lesson after the multiple calls to the fire department. 

You sat down in your normal chair, taking another hit of the vape in your hand before setting it down on the table and replacing it with a fork. 

“I thought we’d talked about no vapes at the dinner table, bubba.”

You focused down at the bowl of spaghetti that was in front of you, it was the night before a game, which meant carb loading, you’d never been fond of pasta, although you supposed that had slipped Leah’s mind in the last couple of months. 

“I’m not using it at the table, am I?”

You could feel the look of disapproval from your mother from the other side of the table. 

You pushed your fork into the pasta, searching for a meatball instead of the pasta that you were desperate to avoid. 

“Bubba I think you can put it away for half an hour every night, please.”

You pull your spare hand out of your hoodie, grabbing at the vape and slipping it into the pocket. 

You focus on stabbing the meatball that your focus has locked onto, keeping your eyes downcast and focused on locating all of the saucy balls and shoving them into your mouth as quickly as possible. 

Just as you’ve located and eaten all of the orbs that you can guarantee Lia made all by herself, your mom directs conversation at you once again, pivoting from whatever she was talking to Lia about, 

“We’re playing in Manchester tomorrow night, you’re welcome to come with us on the bus if you want, or you could go with mumma, I think she’s planning to drive up to watch the girls. The girls haven’t seen you in a while though, Lotte has been missing you, she’s been asking me about you.”

You’d distanced yourself from your moms club teammates for a multitude of reasons, but it all stemmed down to the hatred that you had for arsenal, the love that your mom had for the club, the club that took all of her time, her teammates that saw more love then you felt you did. 

“I think I'll just stay home for the weekend, mama is going to be in town anyways. Plus Maya and I were planning to do something tomorrow night.”

She was going to be in town, it didn’t mean you had plans to see her. 

“Maya? Do I know a Maya?”

You tried your best not to be annoyed at your moms sudden concern about your social life. 

“She’s just a friend.”

You could practically feel the eyebrow raise from the other side of the table.

“What were you and Maya planning on doing tomorrow night?”

You looked up for the first time, gritting your teeth.

“I don’t know, hang out, have some fun, nothing special. I want to see mama and I want to hang out with friends, is that not enough for me to stay home for the weekend,? It'll only be a night.”

You watched your mom collapse in, her eyes straying to the side to look at Lia. 

“So it’s friends now, plural? I talked to Jord yesterday, she didn’t say that you had anything planned with her for this weekend.”

You wanted to bolt upstairs back to your room, light a joint and stick your head back out of your window and enjoy the serenity that came from it, but you held strong. 

“Yes, friends, I have more than one, we’ll probably just hangout at someones house, no biggie. I haven’t talked to mama yet because I didn’t know what I was doing this weekend.”

Your moms eyebrow only raised further up her forehead, the line of hair practically melting into her hairline. 

“I was a teenager once, you think I don’t know what a hangout turns into?”

You were about to rebut, answer with some snappy answer that probably would have gotten you in more trouble than you would have wanted, but you were silenced by the swiss woman sitting to your left. 

“She’ll be fine Le, she’s smart, she’ll leave her location on, she won’t do anything you wouldn’t. Right?”

You nodded cautiously, a little bit shocked by the swiss woman’s attempt to help you out. 

“Yes, I’ll leave my location on and I’ll meet up with mama the next morning, I’ll be responsible, I always am.”

You were grasping for anything, any reason to make your mother agree. 

“Fine, but you do anything stupid, and I mean anything, then you’ll be in big trouble missy, and I want you to eat some more of that dinner, Lia puts a lot of work into feeding us.”

You swallowed the argument about your hatred for pasta, in favour of nodding your head meekly and twirling some of the noddles with your fork, forcing them into your mouth even if it made you cringe internally, it was a hard meal to swallow, but you did it for the sake of making your mother happy, something that you seemed to constantly be doing. 

Once you’d eaten half of the pasta you called it quits, walking up towards the kitchen sink and cleaning out your bowl before placing it into the dishwasher and sacking it properly before closing it up. 

You grasped for the vape hidden in your pocket, depserate for something to take the edge off from the conversation you’d had, the flavoured air providing a temporary comfort. 

You dragged your feet back up the stairs to your bedroom, locking the door behind you and turning off the lights in your room. 

Your room was cold, but you didn’t find yourself minding it. 

You checked your lock for a second time, making sure it was definitely clicked shut before sliding underneath your bed frame and reaching around aimlessly for the container that was wedged into a corner of your mattress. 

It didn’t take long for you to find it, your hand connecting with the rough plastic and pulled at it almost immediately. 

You opened the container, forcing the lid open and picking out the bag that you were searching for. 

Walking across the room in search of a card and flat surface was a mission that didn’t take long, both necessary factors found at your desk. 

You opened up the bag, the answer to all of your feeling and struggles. 

You shook a bit of the powder out of the bag, it was a routine that you’d adapted. 

You’d always had routines, at eight it had been your nighttime routine. Bath, pyjamas, toilet, bed time story, cuddles, trying to get to sleep in your own bed, inevitably sneaking into your moms bed. At 12 it had been your pre match routine, wearing your moms first arsenal jersey to bed the night beforehand, a banana and bottle of water before the game, socks, shinpads, boots and a bottle of lucozade. At 14 it was your pre test routine, cue cards with one of your parents the night beforehand, a 12 hour sleep,  a good luck hug from one of your moms and using your lucky pen. At 17 it was the little kit you kept underneath your bed, open it, find the baggy, spill enough of it onto your desk, push it into a line, take a deep breath through your nose. 

It was a routine that kept you going, one that you clung to like the oxygen you breathed in. 

When your mom tore her acl, your life changed permanently, no longer was any focus on you, it shouldn’t have really been a surprise that you’d fallen into a rougher crowd, that you’d turned to something else to help soothe the pain that had been coursing through your blood stream as everything changed around you. 

It had started with pocketing a couple of your moms post surgery meds, oxy’s, they felt good, they felt so much better than anything else you’d tried to help fix you. But they were in limited amounts and it was hard to steal pills when Lia was monitoring everything that your mom did and took. You’d made friends with the girls in the form above you, and then their friends who were older, and eventually you’d found yourself out at parties on nights when you told your mom that you were spending the night with your mama in Birmingham, it had been eays enough, she was too focused on her knee to pay much mind to what you were doing and who you were doing it with. 

There was enough money lying around the house, it wasn’t hard to find and subsequently it wasn’t hard to find somebody who was willing to give you more than you could find at the parties you where going to. 

It had felt good, like for the first time in a while you had people who you could relate to, who were dealing with the same problems as you, you felt like you’d found a somewhere that felt more like a home than anywhere you’d been before. 

The vapes had been a way to disguise it, to make your mom feel like she could control the bad things that you were getting up to, if she monitored your vape usage then why would you search for anything else? 

Self-soothing. 

You finished your routine by pushing the baggy back into its box and securing the box back into the spot it had come from, making sure that it was hidden from sight, before climbing into your bed and waiting for the proper high to hit you. 

Weed and nicotine were good, it had been where you started out, but nothing hit better than a real high, a real proper feeling that made you feel inundated with complete numbness in the best way possible. It made everything quiet, every doubt and pain in your soul quietened down and it made you feel at peace. 

You supposed it was what made drugs so addictive, specifically meth. They made a person in pain feel normal, it made an angry person feel calm, it made a sad person happier than ever, it made a person searching for everything yearn for nothing. It fixed every problem known to man and every problem man knew. 

When the high hit you felt it across your whole body, your thoughts, pain and the loudness inside of you faded, everything faded, all you felt like was a body, devoid of everything besides the body you were inside of. To you, it was the best feeling in the world, it was a feeling you’d been searching for since you were a kid, when you’d felt so alone and unloved that you would have sold all of your internal organs if it meant that you could have felt the same amount of nothingness that you were in this very moment. 

You would lie awake for hours riding it out, staring up at the ceiling of your room, studying the different ridges and bumps across the white plaster. Once upon a time it had been blue, with white clouds all over it, little stars and rainbows across it, when Jordan had moved out you’d forced your mom to cover it up, it was just another reminder of the love that you’d once found in your house miraculously fading away. 

It normally took a few hours for the initial high to fade, for the endorphins and adrenaline pinging around in your bloodstream to calm down for you to be able to drift off to sleep, you didn’t really mind, you were used to it. Once upon a time it was the same feeling you’d gotten when your moms would smile at you, or when you would step off a football pitch after 90 minutes, or when you’d get a good score from one of your exams. Once upon a time it had all been organic, it had been natural, now it was all forced, a chemical reaction that your brain craved. 

Somewhere around 4am you drifted off, it was convenient because it meant you’d be dead asleep when your mom and Lia left for the training ground, saving you from the interaction with the two of them.

You awoke around 12 o’clock, you dragged yourself downstairs and into the kitchen, enjoying the emptiness that surrounded you. At your mama's house there was Blu, and for some reason it always felt more crammed. At your mom’s house everything was open, quiet, tucked away. It was the way you liked it, plus she was gone more often with media commitments and Arsenal playing in the Champions League, so it meant you were home alone most of the time. 

You chugged your coffee like it was your first drink in days, groaning when your mom’s contact started buzzing up in front of you. 

“Mom?”

You tried your best to sound awake, you don’t think your efforts were very successful. 

“Hey bubba, how’d you sleep?”

You didn’t really think your mom actually cared about how you’d slept, more like it was a conversation buffer. 

“Fine.”

You could hear the sound of your mom’s teammates in the background, a couple of months ago you probably would have been there with her, nowadays there was nothing you wanted less. 

“Good. Look, I talked to Jord this morning, she’s going to come and hang out with you tomorrow until we get back, she should be around in the morning.”

The same anxiety that always seeped through your mom’s voice when she talked about her ex was easy to detect, like she was nervous to utter her name or mention her. 

“Cool.”

You wondered why she hadn’t just left it up to you to organise something with your mama, but you supposed you hadn’t been great at that recently. Jordan’s number was something you had a aversion to. 

“Which means I want you home before 1am, and I want you to be sensible tonight, your mama is very excited to see you tomorrow and I don’t want you being a dickhead or being dead to the world, You’ll be polite and spend time with her, understood?”

She made it sound like an assignment, like you had to be on your very best behaviour, like you had to put on a show for Jordan. 

“Whatever.”

You heard a huff of annoyance from the other side of the phone, it was a sound you’d gotten used to, Leah used it frequently. 

“Don’t whatever me, bubba please, Jords is really looking forward to it, she’s been feeling a bit left out by you recently so please for me, just try your hardest to be good for her. Be safe tonight, I know you and your friends like to have some fun but just stay safe, if you need anything don’t hesitate to send me a text or a call, I love you bubba.”

It felt empty, like your heart, like everything around you, like something she had to say. 

“I love you too mom.”

The call fizzled out and you let a deep breath that you’d been holding in go, you did love your mom, it just didn’t feel like she loved you anymore. 

You went about your day in a haze, your friends were due to come to yours before the party around 5 o’clock, so you had some time to yourself before then, time you were undoubtedly planning to do not a lot with. You tried watching tv, tried organising and cleaning your room, none of it took off the edge, none of it made the world silent like you needed. 

It had all started with parties, a way for you to get out of your comfort zone, a way to make parties a little bit more enjoyable. Now you craved them to make your life more enjoyable, to make it all a little bit more bearable. 

It was all one big routine. 

For a while you throught it was getting better, everything was solving itself. You’d lie awake in your bed at 3am, riding out the last bits of your high and you’d realise that it wasn’t, that there was no solution to solve what had gone wrong with you and made you so fucking unlovebale. 

You knew your existence wasn’t eays, hell Jordan and Leah had adopted you when you were at rock bottom, and they’d still found a way to love you, to make you loveable, but you figured somewhere along the way they’d run out of things about you that were loveable. 

You weren’t normally someone who got high during the day, but you were home alone and figured why not, you’d been taking them at night for months now, what would a day time fix change? Everything felt better when you were riding on a high. 

You spent the rest of your afternoon sat on your window sill, counting the cars as they drove past. When your friends came around at 5 o’clock you were ecstatic, hurrying down the stairs as fast as your woozy body would allow you. 

You had friends that your moms met and friends your moms didn’t, these were the ones you were yet to introduce to Leah. 

You didn’t think that she would approve of the friends that you hung out with when she wasn’t around, especially considering they were quite a bit older than you. 

There were benefits to it, they bought you alcohol they could drive you around, they were smarter then the kids your age. 

Maya, Olivia and Scarlett were nice enough, a little bit stupid but it didn’t bother you too much, you were all like minded, you liked to have fun and party, with the assistance of some recreational substances. 

None of them batted an eye at your clear intoxication, pushing a bottle of something or another into your hands before walking with you up to your room to start getting ready. 

The drink burned as it made it’s way down your throat, it was therapeutic, a reminder that while you felt disconnected from your body because of the drugs, you were still present. 

You let one of the girls do your makeup, packing your face until you looked well over the age of 17, then allowing one of them to sort through your monstrosity of a closet until they found a cute corset top and skirt. Leah Williamson was a lot of things, a fashionista being one of them and that had always carried through to your wardrobe. You were more than equipped with clothing for every occasion known to man. 

By the time you’d downed your first drink of the night the euphoria was starting to hit and you were starting to feel good. 

By the time your second drink had been downed you were being thrown into a car and were on your way to the party, sharing a joint with Liv who was sat in the back seat with you, the two of you occasionally shotgunning the smoke or blowing a puff at eachother. 

It was good, it was relaxing, it was what made you feel at peace.

Pulling up to the party was a whole different kind of feeling. 

You didn’t know who’s party you were at, who’s house, where it was, it didn’t matter to you, not really, all you cared about was having a good time by your standards. 

You flicked your phone onto silent, desperate to avoid any contact from anyone, instead focused on the spectacle around you as you stepped into the threshold. 

Maya introduced you to someone she went to school with, a man that looked like he was nearly as far gone as you felt. You smiled at him, giving him a hug and nod, trying to rush the introduction so you could get a drink in your hand and take a seat. 

“You’re quite cute aren’t ya, how old are you sweetheart?”

You looked across at your friend, curious as to whether you should lie or not, she nodded her head and you took it as approval. 

“17.”

His smile only grew, his head cocking to the side. 

“A youngin? I’m sure we’ll have some fun tonight, the young ones always know how to go harder, whaddya like, sweetheart?”

You tried your best not to appear uncomfortable, even if his attention was putting you off a little bit. 

“She’ll take whatever, although she has been having some fun with ice recently, she likes her vape and some molly sprinkled in with it.”

Matt slapped you on the back, his smile only growing. 

“Definitely a fun time then, I’ll catch up with you later sweetheart, I reckon I have something you might like, head on in guys, I’ll catch you later.”

It wasn’t a big house, it wasn’t small either though, it was full enough that it probably seemed smaller than it truly was. 

There were people everywhere, which surprised you considering it was only early, not that you minded, it was more convenient anyways. 

You were dragged to a couch with your friends, they were less far gone than you and almost immediately were sniffing up lines of whatever was on the coffee table in front of you. 

There was so much happening around you that you struggled to understand it all fully, there were puffs of smoke coming from every direction, needles being handed around, different pills being popped, lines being sniffed. It was the kind of environment you liked to think you’d come to flourish in, it made you feel more relaxed then anywhere else on the planet. 

You relaxed into the couch, enjoying the spectacle around you and subconsciously taking hits of your vape as you watched the splendour occur around you. 

There wasn’t a single legal thing about it, but you didn’t care, there was a cold drink in your hand and the scent of pot and vapour surrounding you, it was the best place to be on the planet. 

The night slowly started to fade into a blip as you made your way through more drinks, your body surrendering to the feeling of the alcohol coursing through you and the high slowly starting to fade. You were cautious of the fact that you needed to be home at a certain time, you didn’t want to push your mom’s wishes, you were also aware that you could manage another shoot up before getting yourself home. 

“Oi, where can I find some meth.”

Maya had headed somewhere with some boy she knew from highschool and Olivia had left in search of a spot to smoke, leaving you and Scarlett. 

“Go find Matt, he’ll hook you up.”

With legs like jelly and a swaying head you stood up from the couch, your vape clutched in one hand and empty bottle in the other. It didn’t take a lot of searching to find the man you’d been introduced to earlier, he was sat on a couch, a girl on either side of him, who both looked about as far gone as they could get without being passed out. 

“Pretty girl, what can I do for you.”

You didn’t like the way the term of endearment slid off of his tongue so easily, in almost a condescending way. 

“Do you have meth?”

You didn’t care if you were being too straight forward, you were itching for something to get you back 0onto the high that you’d been riding out for the past couple of hours. 

“I do, but it’ll cost ya.”

You rolled your eyes, money was hardly a problem for you. 

“I’ve got money.”

His head cocked the same way it had earlier. 

“I don’t want your money sweetheart, c’mon, I’ll get you some meth.”

The same slippery term of endearment that made your throat hurt. He shook the two girls off of him, standing up with a lot more composure than you and beginning to walk out of the lounge room you were in and towards the staircase. You followed him up, holding onto the banister with everything you had and trying to keep up with him as the both of you arrived at the top and he began walking down a corridor, until he made it to the end and opened up a door. 

You assumed it was his bedroom by the looks of it, which made you uncomfortable slightly but you accepted the fact you were craving a fix and he was potentially the only person who could supply it in this moment. 

He rummaged through a bedside draw, until he pulled out a syringe and a bottle of what you assumed to be dissolved crystal meth. You’d always kept your distance from needles, it gave you a better high but it was harder to hide and harder to deal with, the powdered form was the least complicated. 

You could feel your heartbeat pick up as he beckoned you over, patting for you to sit down on the edge of the bed. You walked over, taking a seat on the bed and watching with curiosity as he prepared the needle, and took your arm in his, securing a rubber tourniquet around your bicep and feeling your skin for a vein. Once he found it he picked the needle up, filling it with a couple of mls of the liquid before bringing it up to your arm, gently inserting it into the vein, sucking in a bit of your blod and watching the red swirl with the drug mix before pushing down on the syringe and inserting it into your blood stream. 

It was immediate validation, your head dropping back with ecstasy as the drugs infiltrated your body. 

“Feels good doesn’t it, sweetheart.”

You nodded your head, enjoying the sensation of the lingering sting as the needle was pulled from your arm and the tourniquet was untied. 

His hands were on your chin, tilting your head up so you were looking at him. 

“Now, I think it’s time I get my payment, hmm?”

You took one last breath, enjoying the validation of your high. 

“I told you I have money.”

He shook his head and with the smirk on the corner of his lips you couldn’t help but feel slightly worried. 

“No, I prefer my payment other ways.”

Even with the alcohol and drugs running through your veins, you couldn’t help but feel sick to your stomach immediately. 

You were suddenly frighteningly aware of your position, and undeniably feeling a little bit scared. 

“What way?”

You didn’t like how your voice wavered, your age becoming more obvious as you struggled to stomach the different thoughts going through your head. 

“I’ll show you.”

His hands moved to your hair, dragging you off the corner of the mattress and onto your knees below him. 

You tried to dissasociate it, tried to dissasociate as his hands fell to his belt buckle and fly, tried to disassociate so you didn’t have to think about the million no’s that were banging against your skull and leaving your lips as his fly came undone and he let his pants drop to his feet. 

You’d never really expressed your sexuality, you hadn’;t felt the need t, both of your moms were gay, so were most of their friends, you knew no matter who you were dating they’d be happy for you, you knew that whatever this was though you didn’t want it. 

With your weary head and drugged up body there wasn’t much fight you could put up as he opened your jaw for you and forced his way inside of you 

You tried your hardest to dissasociate like you’d taught yourself, thinking about the high, thinking about the drugs, thinking about your moms, thinking about everything in your life that had once loved you and you’d once loved the same. Normally it worked, normally you trustd yourself to get you to that safe space that made you feel like no matter what was happening you could deal with it, you just couldn’t get it to work though, there were tears streaming down your face as his hands stayed planted in the roots of your hair, the hair a couple of hours ago that your friends had been curling and working on whilst you’d all be laughing. 

He didn’t last long, that was something you were grateful for. 

As soon as his hands left your hair you were bolting up from the floor, walking as past as your weary legs would let you before anything else happened that you couldn’t stop. 

You catapulted your way down the same stairs you’d marched up happily, not paying any attention to the people in the background as you pushed your way out of the front door, breathing in the freezing london air and clinging to the freshness of it and how it cooled the pain in your throat. 

You didn’t hesitate calling the uber, the tears on your face spraying down onto your phone screen as you tried your hardest to focus on the task at hand which was getting home and getting as far away from this as possible. 

You didn’t care that your mom could track your uber account, you didn’t care that there were thirty unread texts from both of your moms and a couple of phone calls, all you cared about was getting home to your bed and doing whatever it took to forget about what just happened. 

The uber was quick enough, you practically threw yourself into the back seat, trying to calm yourself down, but failing miserably. 

If your uber driver noticed then he didn’t comment on the fact that you were practically hyperventilating in his backseat. 

The car ride home was quicker then you thought it would be, you were so grateful it was an away game night, that you didn’t have to deal with anyone, but you were also secretly crumbling about the fact that you were all alone, that you had been all alone in that room with him, that you had no one to stop him and couldn’t do anything about it. 

You were hardly steady on your legs as you unlocked the door with your keys and swayed your way into the living room and then towards the stairs, finding the incline slightly jarring but desperate to get to your room and bed so you could sleep of the horrendous feeling in your gut. High be damned, alcohol be damned, all you wanted was to be asleep, so you partially forget about all of this and hopefully it would fall victim to all of the endorphins in your head and be permanently removed from your brain. 

Your room was cold, your window still open, you didn’t care. 

All you cared was getting out of the too tight clothes you were in and getting into your bed. 

You pulled at the corset, unbothered when you heard the seam ripping as you tugged at it, your skirt was easier. You flung a hoodie and pair of pyjama pants onto your body before climbing straight under your covers, your body shaking. You weren’t sure whether it was because of the high or because of the incessant hatred that had grown in your chest at the memory replaying over and over in your mind. 

You clutched onto your vape, holding it in your hand and sucking up hit after hit as you tried to find solace in the flavoured air, hoping it would send you off to sleep. 

You woke up with a headache like no other, your whole body hurt, and to the sound of repetitive banging at the front door downstairs. 

You groaned out, annoyed at every single part of you for what had happened last night. 

Your legs were still wobbly as you clawed your way out of your bed, your legs protesting with every single step you took, out of your room, down the stairs, to the peephole at your door. 

Jordan, fuck. 

You supposed in your haze it hadn’t been hard to forget about your mother’s appearance for today, you’d been trying desperately to forget so many other things that it must have slipped your mind. 

You didn’t want to open the door, but you also knew you had to, so with every last piece of strength that you had in your body, you pulled the door open.