#in a really lovely way they've done really well. that's simultaneously really subtle and really forceful (much like the violent blast versu

[fluentisonus]

the thing is I am still thinking about that bit in conclave right before they're about to vote when the breath of wind & birdsong comes in through the window that had recently been violently blown in to let the light and air into what has til then been a suffocatingly still & sterile & dark & enclosed environment & it ruffles all the pages on the desks & they all pause and look up. like oh god is there

[jamiemaybeme]

i took that as a challenge, apparently. have my 1am brain dump that unnecessarily deeply analysises random lines. this is the result of two hours of english revision earlier. (mandatory. at school. we had to sit in the hall for two hours in the same seats we have for exams. i'm not anywhere near any of my friends. the only good thing is i'm at the back.) anyway enjoy! (or don't, idrc.)

i love the chorus, but consider (with reasons/my interpretations):

"i am prone to fits of fright

moments of intense neuroticism

but when i'm good, good God, i'm great"

this bit really describes my anxiety. "fits of fright" and "moments of intense neuroticism" are such a great ways to put it, and show how while it's fleeting, it is INTENSE. and "when i'm good[...], i'm great". i feel much better. i wonder how i ever felt bad. and then when i feel bad i wonder how i ever felt good. it's a great line.

"but you've heard all this before

so i will try and elaborate"

using fictional characters to explain how you feel is the most relatable thing ever. when i was really struggling, i told people i related HEAVILY to charlie spring (from heartstopper). no one ever picked up on it, but i was too scared to say anything outright. i felt if people really cared they would ask. (this was absolute rubbish btw. the hints i was dropping were so subtle no one apart from me would have been able to pick them up. plus, it was a difficult year for everyone, and i never asked about them. we're all much better at communicating now though.)

"i am everyone and everything

all of the time

oh God, i'll be..."

gonna split this into two parts to start with. "i am everyone and everything all of the time" honestly just describes me perfectly. not only do i feel so overwhelmed with all the pressure from school, friends, extracurriculars etc, i feel like i need to be there for everyone. i also feel like i'm an amalgamation of fifteen different people, and i only show certain ones to certain others. i'm getting better at this. for a while, i was the only therapist friend in my group. i felt like i had to be there for everyone, yet no one was there for me. (again, utter nonsense. i just didn't want to 'burden' anyone because of previous ✨ trauma ✨.) i feel like these lines also link to 'all you get is confetti' (my favourite song on the album probably): "you can't be everything for everyone but you can be everything to someone", showing the process of unlearning. this makes sense, considering 'aygic' immediately follows 'icsaidlay'. bears in trees songs and albums/eps often tell stories of journeys (i want to feel chaotic, keep me safe, doing this again etc), which further backs this up.

"oh God i'll be..." reminds me SO MUCH of 'doing this again'. "oh my God we're doing this again". the whole premise of the song is to describe how doing the same thing everyday feels. the repetition throughout the song helps to emphasise this. the elipsis in this section of 'icsaidlay' creates the same effect. it feels like the singer/writer is starting to spiral, thinking about all the things they have to do/be. it reminds me of how i feel when i'm simultaneously burnt out and overwhelmed.

"playing games about our names"

as a genderqueer person who changed their name (countless times. maybe 5?) i just find this really funny. i love it.

"when my friends would all go swimming

i would drown within the shallow end"

another line that feels like such a good explanation for my brain. this one sounds like when you're the 'gifted kid' so you've done really well in primary school but now you're in a highly academic secondary school and are struggling, whilst all your peers are fine. they've learned to cope, they've always had to. you never learned to, you never needed to. turns out you've had undiagnosed adhd this whole time.

"and the kids were all relentless

with their teases and their tempers"

i love being bullied 😎

seriously though, hearing songs about people being bullied and seeing them now grown up really helps me to be able to visualise my future. i've never been bullied TOO badly - i've always been able to (mostly) handle it - but it's still impacted me significantly. this song and 'aygic' (yes, again, these two songs are so intertwined) really help. "better give the kids something to shout back as the books fall out of my rucksack".

"i sleep better on the sofa

please do not take me to the bedroom"

someone else said this already but i agree and i did think of it before i saw their post i promise :']

this line is so ace coded. i scream this line at the top of my lungs when no one is home. i beat jumping height records when i can't shout. i love these lines. i will never shut up about them. they are literally the epitome of this emoji: 🤌. they're awesome.

bonus: parallels

also rq: the parallels between this song and 'aygic' are great. i love them. 'aygic' being a more apathetic view about the whole life thing, whereas this one is definitely a feeling too much view is honestly genius. the contrasts and yet the similarities. they work really well together.

that was literally a whole essay i am so sorry. hope you enjoyed!!

p.s. i am doing much better mentally now than i was when i first heard this song. i know it wasn't that long ago, but sun and a concert can do a lot to a person. i've written this mainly from the pov of me first hearing this. but just in case anyone's worried, i'm okay now.

double p.s. nick, if you're reading this (i'm pretty sure it was you who wrote this. it sounds like a nick song.), i'm glad we've been able to give you what you've given us. a sense of belonging and community. to some extent at the very least. thank you for putting this song out despite being scared. we appreciate it so much <3

(okay i'm going to bed /ref)

so you're telling me bears in trees referenced over the garden wall, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, scott pilgrim vs the world, and my hero academia...all in the SAME song? and you're expecting me to be NORMAL about this? ...pathetic