#in Finland the literal translation is 'friend's day'

[kausijuoppo]

Palentine's day

[andiatas]

Writing Scandinavian, Nordic &/or Swedish characters

Maybe someone has done a guide like this, and I've missed it, but I wanted to gather some words and phrases for all of my writer friends who have or are thinking about adding a character of Scandinavian/Nordic descent.

This came to mind after seeing too many LITG fics where people have Henrik speaking Swedish and no shade to the writers, but it was clear as a day to me that they used Google Translate and hoped for the best. That's not to say that writers from other communities and/or fandoms can't use this guide, but just to be transparent, that's where I got the inspiration from.

With all that said, let me talk you through some basic info and phrases so you can make your bilingual or trilingual character sound legit or like a native!

Definitions

The Scandinavian countries = Sweden, Norway and Denmark.

The Nordic countries = Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Greenland, Faroe Islands and Åland.

So, an important distinction to keep in mind is if you're talking about Scandinavia, you're talking about those three "bigger countries" (aka the ones who have f*cked over the rest at one point or another throughout history). As soon as you bring, for example, Finland or Iceland into the mix, you're talking about the Nordic countries.

Language

On the language aspect, I suggest checking out this post, where I've talked about it a bit, but as a general rule of thumb, Swedes and Norwegians can understand each other while still speaking their respective languages.

When Danes and Swedes, or Danes and Norwegians speak with each other, one generally switches to English. Same when communicating with people from Iceland.

Swedish is one of the official languages in Finland and Åland, whilst Danish is one of the official languages in Greenland and the Faroe Islands.

Also, English is taught from first grade until upper secondary (high school) but is already introduced to children in kindergarten. I don't know how it's in the other Nordic countries, but in Sweden, it's mandatory to study either Spanish, French or German from sixth grade until the first year of upper secondary.

Swedish swear words

Fan - this is the most common swear word in Swedish & whilst the most accurate translation would be "damn" it's used similarly to how "fuck" is used in English. So, this is the word I mostly see mistranslated & the tell-tale sign (for me) of someone who has relied on Google Translate because they will have their character say "knulla" when they're swearing. Technically, this isn't wrong because knulla is slang for sex... but yeah, I think you get it

Helvete - literally means "hell" & could probably be compared to how Brits use "bloody hell". If I got a paper cut or stubbed my toe, I would curse, "Helvete!"

Jävlar - this is the one that's most difficult to translate, but one could say it means "shit" or "sodding". Whilst it's a curse word in itself, it's primarily used in front of another word. So, for example, if you want to say, "You're a goddamn idiot", you would say, "Du är en jävla idiot!"

Swedish lovey-dovey words & pet names

Älskling = Darling, love, babe, beloved

Jag älskar dig = I love you

The word "älskar" is the Swedish word for "love", so if you bend it, you get the word "älskling" which is the most common term, or nickname, for your partner. I would say it's best compared to how darling, love or babe is used in English.

Käraste = Beloved, dearest

It can get confusing because "kæreste" means girlfriend/boyfriend in Danish, but in Swedish, "käraste" is just an affectionate word for someone. If you want to say "my dearest XYZ", you would say "min käraste XYZ". The word means girlfriend/boyfriend in Danish but is a nickname for your girlfriend/boyfriend or someone else close to you in Swedish. Are you still with me?

Hjärtat = literally "the heart"

This is a bit of a variation of "älskling." While talking to a partner or someone you hold dear, you would say "hjärtat," but if you're talking about them, you could say "mitt hjärta" ("my heart"). While älskling is more versatile and can be compared to numerous pet names, I would say hjärtat/mitt hjärta is best compared to love/my love.

Sötnos = Sweetheart, honey

Sötis = Cutie

Okay, so to start, "Sötnos" is the whole word, while "Sötis" is the short version, but they mean two completely different things. If you're talking to a partner or a really close friend and go, "Oh, sweetheart," you would opt for "sötnos." But if you're talking to someone from your friend group, you would opt for "sötis."

It's not an insulting word, but if you called your partner "sötis," they would probably be offended and question what they had done to offend you. I would compare it to when your dog does something stupid, like trip over its paws and hit its head, and you laugh at it like, "Oh sötis!"

[painterofhorizons]

Also, as a linguist I must know..... top 5 German words? (And perhaps also top 5 English words? 👀)

That is such a good question! And I have opinions on that. :D

1: tja - tja is a reaction appropriate for everything between "we don't have bread anymore" and "the world wil literally end tomorrow", it is the epitome of indifference and composure, spite and unexcitement - it literally is the perfect word

2: Feierabend - Feierabend doesn't only mean the time of day when your work shift is over, Feierabend means the whole time afterwards. People will ask "what are your plans for Feierabend?" and wish each other a "nice Feierabend", aka tell each other to enjoy the time after work. Aka you live not only to work (and that might surprise, because I think Germans are known for a very strict and high work morale - but we value our Feierabend). They will ignore work calls outside of working hours because they have Feierabend already.

3: Traumtänzer - literally translated it means "dream dancer", dictionary says "to have one's head in the clouds", this actually is where my blogs name comes from, because I once asked a friend from finland if they have a word like Traumtänzer and he told me "taivaanrannan maalari" is the similar meaning and that again tranalates to "painter of horizons" and that spoke to me on a deep level and hence became my blogs name

4: Zeitgeist - I think it's something that gets used in english like angst or kindergarten: the spirit of the time/age

5: Oberweserdampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän - yes, that word does make sense, but is only supposed to be a placeholder for how German works: you need a word? build it. And Oberweserdampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän is my example for that ever since. See explanation below.

Ober-Weser-Dampf-Schiff-Fahrts-Gesellschafts-Kapitän

Ober-Weser = Upper Weser (which is a river)

Dampf = steam

Schiff = ship

Fahrt = ride

Dampfschifffahrt = steam navigation

Gesellschaft = society

Kapitän = captain

which is: the captain of the society of the upper Weser steam navigation

I don't know why this word in particular, but it has been my example for german word building for decades. And yes, it's easily pronounced. German is awesome when it comes to compound words.

Top 5 english words - good question! I will have to think about, but I don't really think I have those. I like nevertheless. But I don't really have opinions or feelings about english words. :D

I like the swedish word fika, which means to drink coffee with someone. Ska vi fika? means Should we go for a coffee? And that is lovely.

[bitchapalooza]

Hetalia actor AU(yes, inspired by the BNHA actor AU specifically)

• Alfred and Matthew are irl twins that got their start in acting as children. They both at first tried out for the roles of Northern and Southern Italy but they were seen to be better fits for the North American brothers. That and their Italian accents were not the best. No one cared they have an Italian uncle. Literally no one asked them. In fact their bad accents prompted the casting list to go more international faster than it already was. They both look exactly the same without the addition of the cowlick or ahoge so it's pretty good Matthew grew his hair out for this role. Otherwise they'd constantly have to correct everyone like they used to in the other shows they worked on.

• Arthur thought he was auditioning for the newest James Bond movie but turns out his agent tricked him. Arthur ended up liking it however and stayed. He managed to drag his son Peter in to audition for the role of Sealand, as Peter wanted to get into acting in something bigger than school plays. His character may be annoyed by his son's character but irl you can catch Arthur being a loving and caring father. Peter however is embarrassed to be around him, just as many kids are to their parents. Arthur is much more relaxed than the character he plays. And Peter isn't as annoying as Sealand is. He's actually always on his phone or doing homework when not working.

• Francis did not know a lick of English when he auditioned. He went into this blind. And yet he got the part after staying up 3 nights in a row beforehand listening to the Google translated script(from English to French and back) to memorize it that way. Presently he may be on par with a 10 year old's basic knowledge of English but that doesn't stop him from frequently speaking only French on set when no one else but Yao and half the writing staff understand him. He even only does his interviews in French because WHY put effort into a second language??? Y'all he's the epitome of lazy.

• Ivan is the prankster on set. He teams up with Kiku, Basch, Peter, Alfred, and Mathias very frequently to prank everyone else in the cast. He also purposefully messes up his lines when his character is being creepy. He'll say the weirdest shit while in the most intense scenes. During the magical pipe of pain scene, Ivan caused almost 20 retakes because he kept making bad innuendos causing everyone to lose their shit. He's the exact opposite of his character.

• Roderich really is a former pianist and former child actor coming back to acting because gosh he missed it. He's actually SUPER irresponsible with his money despite the character he plays. The first paycheck from the show he spent on a bulk of 200 rubber ducks just so he could set them up in his bedroom on his and his wife's 3rd anniversary. All for a chuckle. And to get a use out of them. That was an impulse buy. And he does not regret it. The scenes where Austria is playing the piano really is Roderich playing it, and he asks there to be almost no sound editing to those takes whatsoever. He's extremely forgetful so the staff has resorted to sticky noting his lines into the scene then green screening it out later. He's a good actor but someone help this man's poor memory.

• Timo basically already was Finland before ever auditioning. His friends already called him the dad of their group to begin with. He's a sweet guy and he bakes cookies and other sweets the night before just to bring them in to the set the next morning for not just the cast but the entire film crew too; he has two ovens for this and really knows how to speed bake. He just wants to make sure everyone's morning is as good as his own is. He's just a darling. Everyone is glad Berwald recommended Timo for the part of Finland and even happier that he got the role.

• Gilbert is a brunette with brown eyes irl so no one recognizes him without the white wig or red contacts. Fans meet him and are like "You remind me of that Prussia guy from Hetalia! You'd make a great cosplay of him!" and he just accepts it every time by this point. Every convention he goes to, every interview he does he is in costume. At least he isn't constantly bombarded by fans like Ludwig or Ivan are.

• Feliciano is a very mature and professional guy despite the bubbly and goofy character he plays. Feliciano does have his relaxed and fun moments though, learning to let go from his time acting as North Italy. He's a really pleasant guy to be friends with but it can be a little tough to break through his shell. He's kind of shy, different from North Italy's friendly nature.

• Lovino is a nice guy. He's kind but not super kind, but also not an asshole. He does a lot a Instagram live streams after episode recordings, mostly of him hanging out with the other actors. He and Feliciano get along well but Lovino tends to hang around Ludwig more because he feels so bad for how he screams at him and insults him on set, even though its purely for the show. He apologizes immediately after filming is finished.

• Ludwig is pretty orderly but he isn't exactly mature. He's the one to recite bad jokes and puns to everyone, his favorites being dad jokes. No one likes this. At all. He's a fun loving guy that everyone can get along with. He has fun acting. He's very grateful Gilbert pointed him in the direction of the auditions.

• Kiku is glad his very first acting gig will probably be one of his most successful and popular. He's freshly graduated from college and completely chaotic. He's got a degree in business he's never going to use. He collects weird Japanese products as well as gifting them to his coworkers every Christmas without fail. He once walked into Ivan's trailer and tossed a whole bag of hard boiled eggs at him and ran off. The eggs all had individual faces drawn onto them. Ivan still does not know why he did this and he's honestly too afraid to ask at this point.

• The actor for Chibitalia also plays chibi Romano! His name is Emilio and he's Lovino's nephew. Emilio is a sweetie that pretty much stole everyone's heart. He loves working on the show, especially when he gets to curse and not get in trouble for it.

• Holy Roman Empire's actor was originally a kid who had no prior experience in acting neither had he really been near a camera before. He ended up freezing up his first day. He was recasted by Ludwig's son Otto, especially since Otto had been around a film set dozens of times before. The dad jokes really escalated once Otto was brought on set....

This is all I'm going to do for now without the post getting too long. Plus I'm tired and have a headache. But I really wanted to get this out lol I spent 3 hours figuring this all out with a really bad glaucoma headache please at least appreciate this for my eyes' sake lmao

[fiore-rosewood9]

👄, 🌸, 🔥 for the hetalia asks!

Okay. All of this is personal opinion and is not meant to offend anyone. Please do not get upset, these are just my opinions. With that out of the way - here are my personal thoughts and what I think.

First emoji - Which nation do you think has the most fitting voice actor? Whose voice do you think doesn’t work? - So I don't like dubbed anime, most english translated animes tend to sound awkward to me, some do a good job, but in hetalia's case it sounds a bit off sometimes, so I will speak for the subbed/japanese version - I think Francis's seiyuu is really calming. I used to listen to the CD's when I had a panic attack, about the - Count sheeps one, where he brings you lavender and lures you to sleep. I kinda like England's seiyuu but wish his voice was more rough and he uses words like mate, wanker, similar to America's seiyuu who says the word - hero. I love prussia's raspy voice. I get that Canada is a shy soft boy, but I don't like his voice actor. I kinda think Hungary's voice actor does not fit her. I think the guy who voices prussia should not voice greece and estonia too, it kinda sounds like he is using a soft hushed whispery voice for prussia with them to me. I think Switzerland's voice actor should be a guy, if I remember correctly it was a woman. I don't mind women voicing men and vice versa, but I think it is more suitable for characters like Chibitalia, which is voiced by a woman.

Second emoji - top 3 favourite characters - Bulgaria, Seychelles, Prussia. I used to have Prussia's song Mein gott as a ringtone.

Third emoji - Are there any popular/widely accepted headcanons you don’t like? - Yes. Heavy nsfw under the cut. If this disturbs you, the reader, please refrain from reading. Historical/sexual mentions in this post will be used, as well as mentions of the mbti/psychology stuff. This is also a long post since it is a rant, feel free to skip in case you are lazy.

Yes. People assuming that England is a uke. Just give me one solid reason that he is? Neither psychologically, mbti wise, historically or manga wise is he an uke. He is a tsundere. That means rough on the outside, soft on the inside with the right people. I hate how for many reasons, in fan art and even in p*rn if you check it out....he has these weird...anorexic tween girl proportions. On a thin person's body you can see some ribs and England is sometimes drawn as such, but on many fan art he has chibi like, weird almost anorexic body, which confuses me, because it is not possible for 23 year old man to have such body, unless he has some genetical defects + an eating disorder, how tall is he again 175 cm (5' 9") if I remember correctly, so BMI and height are connected, for this height, it is not possible to has the body he has in doujinshis and some fan arts.

APH england is a thin man, he is no longer an empire with power, but he is neither anorexic, nor a tween and doesn't have female hips. Arthur is stubborn bitter alcoholic sarcastic old man who can't cook and is rough but tries his best to be a ''gentleman''. He grieves over his past glory days, when he used to actually hold any power over the world, but even though he is weaker now, he is still strong and tough and has influence. I mean, almost the whole world is speaking english, if that ain't an achievement, I don't know what is. England was never a uke/bottom, and when I ask for people's POV on why they think he is a bottom, I always receive insults and threats and am told to go away. I would wish for people to stop fetishizing/degrading him, when he is clearly proud, stubborn, a bit mean old bitter man who just wants someone to talk to him, love him and appreciate him, because his collegues clearly do not respect him or care much and harshly tease him a lot. I am quite aware of the position he is in, because I know what it is like to have people disrespect you, talk over you or make fun of you. He misses his colonies and still thinks like an empire, actually every ex empire thinks like one, they don't like politics, they like war and destruction and conquering.

America isn't a top. He is a proud bottom, and he feels damn sexy when someone rides him and compliments on how good he is doing. He can be described as a switch, but to me, I see him leaning more towards bottom. America is a really confident and enthusiastic man, he is strong and prideful as well as greedy, but it gets tiring to have all the control and power all the time, have no responsiblities can be relaxing from time to time.

France doesn't hate England for killing Jeanne d'arc as much as people assume. She was his first, innocent type of love and while it is a tragedy he managed to get over it. He took revenge by taking America from him and helping him rebel against England, who is neglectful. People manage to through war, trauma and many horrible things and still survive, despite the pain, it isn't logical for a soft gentle person like france to hold a grudge all of his life, even now.

Also around 2011-2013 some people made memes and joked about francis being a r*pist. I think some people don't understand that some people just have high libido and can't do anything about it. It doesn't make them a bad person. I miss on social cues and rules and the only jokes I understand are  the sexual ones, it is literally the only humour I laugh at. So in this way, he is relateable, despite being inappropriate and vulgar, I just love the shock factor the jokes have. R*pe is not a joke, and he isn't a r*pist. He deserves love, like every hetalia character and like each one of you people. We all just want love at the end of the day, someone to listen to us, and hug us.

Prussia isn't dying. He just represents east germany. He isn't a human.

I really hate how south korea is portrayed as someone who gropes people's butts. It is just as weird as Belarus's wish to marry her brother. This is not much of a headcanon, I just find it disturbing.

North Italy/Canada/England aren't innocent uwu boys who have never cursed or don't know what sex is and refuse to watch porn.

There is nothing cute or cool about the nazi uniforms or parts of prussia and germany. They regret everything they did. But from what I see, a big part of the fandom made it out to be ''sexy'' in the past. There is some fan of it too.

The revolutionary war broke england but it isn't that big of a deal as fans make it out to be. Same with Jeanne d'arc. England was really disliked, almost hated and attacked by his fellow nations. The child he found, America, was the first person to not openly hate him in ages. England took care of him, but england is pretty neglectful him self, he leaves america alone a lot, yet exploitates him. So it is only logical for America to ask France and Prussia to the resque. Even though France becomes broke. But the same can be said about france. France is neglectful towards canada, who nurses back to health England, who is pretty deep into his depression after America leaves. All England could say is - America, America, America, because he can't handle the loss of his favourite colony. Of course this would hurt canada, who was abandoned in favour of his brother and his other father doesn't care about him either. To this day England sometimes still mistakes Canada for America, the only people who never do that seem to be France, Seychelles and America. Probably Japan, Netherlands, Austria and Prussia too. But england is pretty much over it, it is not his whole life and it is not the end of the world. This is why Sealand is taken care of by Finland and Sweden, England makes a lot of basic mistakes as a father.

Russia isn't an emotionless monster. I think due to his life and history, he is what you may call - Emotionally immature. He has childish cruelty and is a bit forceful as well as childish, which is not completely normal for someone his age. However, abuse stuns growth, so it is quite explainable why some nations are more mature and some are more childish. Abuse can also have the other effect, make someone extremely mature for their age, I think this is Latvia's case. He is trying to make friends but his approach is just simply bad. He has a weird energy/vibe and it shows. He goes into people's personal space and wants them to become one with mother russia. This would creep anyone. I think France and China aren't afraid of him, simply because they're too used to his gimmics and he can't surprise them. Russia's tactics become predicatable after a while.

[stamp-it-to-me]

Whilst it's always a major let down to be gay-baited by stamps, as a finnish person I have a descent enough explanation for the name of the stamp. valentine's day in finland is called 'ystävänpäivä' which literally translates to 'friend's day'. In finland it's seen as more of an occasion to remember to cherish friendships than a romantic holiday. There are lots of actually gay finnish stamps though!! 🌈

I just realised I made a typo and it haunts me. this is deScent explanation anon 😔✌🏼 I hope you have a lovely day!! Love your blog! 

ohhh that makes a lot of sense actually!!! i was wondering why so many Finnish Valentine’s stamps focused on platonic relationships - that’s really cool! tysm for the info!!!

[mcrmadness]

Color asks: coral, cream, coconut, honey, and scarlet

Color Asks.

coral: an animal you wish hadn’t gone extinct

Either quagga or thylacine. And yeah, thanks to humans, both species went extinct... It’s super weird to look at photos of these species and to know neither of them exist anymore. A human really is the worst species on this planet.

Thylacine was a marsupial but super weird looking one, almost like a dog but then not. It’s Finnish name actually is “pussihukka” which basically translates to a “bag wolf” - the front part of the name is because marsupial in Finnish is “pussieläin” (”a bag animal”) because, you know, they have this pocket instead of a womb where the offspring grow :D And thylacine was very canine-like looking so it was only natural to add there an old word for “wolf” in Finnish.

Quagga then was an equine species closely related to zebras. It’s very weird looking because it was partially dark brown but with stripes. I think some zebra-horse hybrids actually can look a bit like quaggas but unfortunately it’s not the same thing + usually those equine hybrids are born sterile anyway. I don’t remember for sure if there’s been attempts of “cloning” a quagga or so, all I know is that the Przewalski’s horse almost went extinct at some point but with the help of zoos etc., humans were able to save them from the same fate. (Faith in humanity restored... for a moment.) But apparently even those might not be 100% descended from the real Przewalski’s horses. Anyway, most if not all of the other “wild horses” nowadays are usually descended from tamed individuals. E.g. all the American Mustang horses are like that and none of them descend from the real American wild horses that once roamed free.

(Both photos from Wikipedia.)

***

cream: any piercings or tattoos? do you want any?

Nope. I had earrings but I then had a rebel phase and let the earholes to grow shut(?) and wanted everyone to see that and say “oh poor you” but no one did and now I’m annoyed because NOW I wish I had earholes so I could use earrings again :DDD But I’m afraid of needles and doing piercings is not too unrisky with a congenital heart defect (because it literally is creating an open wound, and those are always risky if not taken care of properly). But the biggest issue is the needles and pain. Idk, if they can use numbing cream for piercings, maybe I’ll get earrings one day again. Back then I dreamed that I would have had 3 earholes on both instead of just 1. I also like how lip piercings look like but that might be way too much.

Tattoos I have never really cared about so that’s a no.

***

coconut: a subject you enjoy learning about

Oh there’s so many! It’d be easier to answer to what I DON’T like learning about :D But as you already can see from the first answer: zoology.

I grew up as a zoology nerd, I loved dinosaurs (they’re still cool tho) and anything to do with evolution. I watched just any movie or series with dinos - Jurassic Park, The Land Before Time, BBC Walking With Dinosaurs (a document series), Disney’s Dinosaur and so many others. I loved these but my siblings were maybe even more into them than I and I already was very much into them :D My sister had a proper special interest in dinos. We also had so many dinosaur figurines we used to play with all the time.

There was also another series like this, called Walking with Cavemen, but I never found the apes as interesting as other animals so I didn’t watch that one too much.

Later on I loved playing Zoo Tycoon! I actually learnt a lot about mammals that happened between dinosaurs and modern animals from there. The Dinosaur Digs EP had also lots of different modern-day animals’ precessor species like the giant sloth, saber toothed cat or macrauchenia. Back in the 90s it was actually hard to find any info about these, dinos were everywhere but not really these so I was always excited to find new info - I had a couple of books and then also really enjoyed BBC’s Walking With Beasts that was about those species especially. I still don’t know too much about these creatures so I still enjoy browsing animal “family trees” and reading about where did everything come from, and to which dinosaur/extinct animal any modern-day animal is related to.

***

honey: your thoughts on magic- does it exist?

I was obsessed with magic as a kid, much before even getting into Harry Potter (idk if those were even released yet back then? At least not the movies and I started with them.) and me and my cousin were convinced that I was a witch. I don’t remember for sure what was it that convinced us of that - I can remember only one thing: we were to an art school as a hobby once a week and sometimes I “wished” so hard that her mother aka my aunt would come and pick us up by a car and they would bring me home. And sometimes that actually did happen! Normally I used to take a bus home, she would walk to the bus stop with me and wait there with me until the bus came, and she walked to her home. She lived at the downtown area unlike me. (I didn’t live far away tho, it was just a bit too long way to walk home, took about 10-15min by bus.)

In a way I still believe in some sort of magic. I’m supr skeptic nowadays, before I would just immediately think of everything as something magical or paranormal. Sometimes it’s not good with my anxiety and its tendency to do ocd-like “magical thinking”, e.g. feeling like saying something scary aloud will make it happen. Also I have to say that the horse business, at least the harness racing field, is super superstitious profession :D There’s lots of money and betting involved and we always had this saying “It doesn’t survive the compliments.” meaning you should never say “This horse has never had problems with their legs!” because that will definitely cause the horse to injure itself sooner than you’d even guess. I also always always avoided saying “We will win today.” because if I said that, we definitely did not win. So I always asked the horses “Are we gonna win today?” or was talking to the horse and told them how we should win today. But never said “We WILL win.” and I always felt like bad luck was happening when my coworkers started chanting how we’re gonna win today.

But more than magic, I kinda believe in intuition. There were a few cases when I was to the races with the horses and I just had this feeling that we’re gonna go home with a win. I don’t know where did it come from, I just knew it. I felt it somewhere deep inside that this is the day. And usually that feeling always was right. I never said it aloud tho because of course it would have not happened if I did. Or so I believe :D

***

scarlet: favorite holiday

I don’t really have any. They are all the same anyway. When I was working, we didn’t really have any public holidays with horses. I mean, someone’s gotta take care of the animals no matter what the calendar says :D But I actually really liked that! Only time I had a proper holiday was during Christmas. Basically that could be my favorite holiday because of the presents I get to give to people.

Another one that’s nice is the Midsummer day, it’s a huge thing in Finland. Tho, for me it doesn’t really mean anything else but my birthday (which can be negative thing too because I have an age crisis :D) since it’s super common for people to go out to get wasted, but I don’t drink alcohol nor do I have friends :D So usually I just stay at home or visit my family.

[fredsykes9]

Does Wearing Socks Really Help You Orgasm?

If you've heard this old lovers' tale, you might think it's B.S. — here's what experts (and science) have to say.

Once upon a time, in a world before the global pandemic, I was dating a guy from Brazil while living in Barcelona. (That sentence alone makes me long for the days of travel and Brazilian men, but that's a whole piece unto itself.) This guy, Diego, was a professional skateboarder who looked quite a bit like Donald Glover, and despite our inability to communicate without Google Translate — he spoke Portuguese and neither of us had grasped Spanish well enough to converse properly — he was a lot of fun in bed. But there was one thing that sort of irked me: He always kept his sock on during sex. Always.

When I asked him why, Google Translate informed me that what he was basically saying in Portuguese, was that "sex was better this way." I assumed this might have to do with the fact that it kept his toes warm and cozy in a room that I had set at 68°F to stave off the Barcelona summer heat.

When I shared his affinity for wearing socks in bed with a friend, she told me that, "supposedly," to use her exact word choice, socks played a role in the ability to orgasm. I dismissed it as an urban legend. I had already been told that men who could tie a cherry stem with their tongue were great at giving oral sex and, having been on the receiving end of that myth, was able to debunk it immediately. (My clit is two inches north, please.)

But as with every old wive's tale, urban legend, and rumor that's found its way through a game of cultural telephone, it's usually based on something. And in that something, there's at least a sliver of fact.

Where the Socks & Orgasm Tale Began The modern-day root of the rumor dates back to a particular orgasm study conducted in 2005 by the University of Groningen in the Netherlands. The study, which consisted of 13 heterosexual-identifying couples between the ages of 19 and 49, was quite small and intimate. In the controlled environment, each couple took turns stimulating each other, while their brains were scanned to reveal which sections were being lit up, as reported by the BBC.

One of the main findings of the study was a link between comfort and the ability to orgasm. Women, specifically, can climax easier when their fear and anxiety are comforted. "If you're fearful, it is very hard to have sex," professor Gert Holstege, lead researcher of the study, told the BBC. "It's very hard to let go." The study found that men, on the other hand, generally find comfort in knowing they'll be stimulated. So when they're stimulated, reaching climax is (in most cases) inevitable.

How does this all relate to socks? The study also noted that cold feet stood in the way of orgasm: Fifty percent of couples were able to orgasm without socks, but while wearing socks, that percentage jumped up to 80 percent. Unfortunately, the study only broke down the results by couples (and not by gender), so it's unclear who, exactly, orgasmed more with socks on. However, since Holstege reported that women, specifically, need to feel protected and comforted in order to relax enough to climax, it makes sense that these results might be more reflective of women. (Related: 7 Health Benefits of Orgasms)

Ok, So Is the Theory Legit? All that said, a hard-to-locate study done with just 13 couples isn't exactly the epitome of scientific proof. However, other research, sex experts, and sexologists are pretty on-board with using socks to increase the likelihood of orgasm.

For one, Holstege was onto something with the whole "comfort" thing. By adding a layer of comfort — literally, via socks — you can increase feelings of safety and lower anxiety, says Alex Fine, CEO and co-founder of Dame Products.

In 2016, a group of researchers in Finland published their findings from five national sex surveys conducted over several years to see what factors were associated with an increased instance of women orgasming. The results found that, for the majority of women, their likeliness of orgasm was steeped in emotional safety; orgasms were more likely when women were in a situation with someone that "felt good" or "worked well emotionally."

Of course, comfort is as physical as it is mental — even outside of a sexual experience, most people can relate to the fact that warmth brings feelings of both physical and emotional safety, says sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr.

"On the very basic biological survival level, coldness is experienced as danger in the body, which triggers it into a fight or flight response — and that's the opposite of the relaxation response that's needed for orgasm," says Fehr. When there's danger-alerting stimuli, the amygdala, the fear-processing part of the brain, kicks in automatically to scan the environment and gather information to determine if you're safe. Then, "as in any fight or flight response, the blood rushes away from the genitals and toward other major body parts needed for survival, putting arousal on hold and hampering the path to orgasm," she says.

However, when the body is naturally relaxed — whether that's from being warm enough or in a comfortable position — you instinctually feel safe, says Fehr. "Muscles relax, the mind slows down, blood flows to the genitals — all creating arousal and adding to the possibility of orgasm."

Carol Queen, Ph.d., author, sociologist, and Good Vibrations staff sexologist, echoes this sentiment. "Cold feet could interfere with some peoples' orgasm by being a persistent neural message that interrupts the sexual response cycle," she says. "Ordinarily, the body's senses work together when a person is turned on and moving toward orgasm. Being protected from getting cold feet by wearing socks would silence this interruption."

Of course, cold feet isn't the only interruption or distraction someone could encounter, says Queen. A sudden knock at the door, for example, could inspire the same fight-or-flight effect, putting the feeling of safety in jeopardy.

"It boils down to comfort and circulation," agrees Gigi Engle, SKYN sex and intimacy expert, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. "If you're thinking about your frozen toes, it takes you out of a mindset of embodied pleasure — this is crucial for orgasms since orgasm is a brain and body experience. Being comfortable and feeling safe during sex is a huge part of a pleasurable experience. And having warm feet is a component of that comfort." (Related: How Kinky Sex Can Make You More Mindful)

Does It Really Work? I asked friends and colleagues, first, if they'd ever heard of this, and second, if they'd ever experienced it. Although most people had heard of this trick, those who had tried it — 43 percent, but this is from an Instagram poll of ~80 people, mind you — were all in the sexual health and sex education field.

"I used to think that in order to have sex you had to be completely naked," says Melissa A. Vitale, publicist and founder of Vice PR Agency, which works with sex toy companies and sex clubs, including NSFW. "I'd heard an old wives' tale about socks making sex better in the same way that when you wear gloves you're less cold. When your appendages are warm the rest of your body doesn't feel cold and this was supposed to help you have one less distraction during playtime."

The old adage that warm extremities equal a warm body isn't entirely accurate, at least according to some studies that have found that cold hands don't have an impact on abdominal temperature. However, a 2015 working paper by the National Bureau of Economic Research did note that climate change was having an effect on birth rates, citing that "temperature extremes could affect coital frequency." Meaning, bodies are affected by temperature when it comes to sex.

But Vitale's experience goes back to the study that came out of the University of Groningen: feeling comfortable, protected, and safe attributes to a mindset that's ripe for an orgasm. Indeed, she says all of that together has made her a socks-during-sex convert. Engle agrees: "I rarely have sex without socks on because it helps me orgasm more easily because, well, I'm not thinking about how cold my feet are."

Does this mean that every person who puts on a pair socks the next time they're going to have sex is guaranteed an orgasm? Of course not. But if you have yet to try it — or are always cold — then it's worth a shot.

After all, you don't really have anything to lose; slip on a pair of socks you already own, or invest in a sexy, thigh-high pair that gets you in the mood. You might find that what you've been missing all this time is a cozy pair of socks to put your mind at ease, reduce those anxiety levels, and just let you melt away into orgasmic ecstasy.

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[professional-benaddict]

Wait so do you call him... Saint Friend? -laney

In Finland and Estonia (as far as I know, can be more) it literally translates to ‘friend’s day’ and the spirit is much broader than just romantic couples, but more about just appreciating everyone in your life💓💓 The saint is still the same I’m pretty sure, bc Finland is a Christian country, but idk why it’s friend’s day for us sksk @sugar-and-spice-parker

[gratiasancti]

100 PERSONAL QUESTIONS

because @ineffablequestion​ decided to really put my patience to the test today . not that i mind , ily .

1. What is your middle name ?

maria 

2. How old are you ?

23 as of right now !

3. When is your birthday?

oct. 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra waddup

5. What is your favorite color?

i don’t really have one ? muted colours probably

6. What’s your lucky number?

again, can’t say i have one but maybe 29

7. Do you have any pets?

a dod and a horse

8. Where are you from?

finland / uk

9. How tall are you?

174 cm

10. What shoe size are you?

eu 39-40

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

like seven, if you don’t count my collection of riding shoes and boots. oxfords, brogues, wellies, trainers, and the rest are probably heels. as for riding boots, a lot.

12. What was your last dream about?

that i was late from work and got thrown in a tar pit because of it. and then i sold my old history teacher 500€ worth of alcohol and lottery tickets.

13. What talents do you have?

none?? unlimited sarcasm, idk

14. Are you psychic in any way?

i’m not sure if i believe in this stuff

15. Favorite song?

honestly, anything from hippo campus or glass animals.

16. Favorite movie?

the grand budapest hotel

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who counteracts some of my anxiety and excitedness with a calm and, when needed, firm character but is still funny and can be themselves. preferably someone who i feel is my intellectual equal, and we can share everything with each other. maybe a bit older than myself, but not by much. other than that, i really don’t care.

18. Do you want children?

currently, i can’t see myself ever having kids. just doesn’t seem like my thing. especially babies. maybe adopting or fostering could be an option, but only if i was sure i could give the child a good home.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i don’t think i want to get married

20. Are you religious?

not particularly

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

maaaaaaany times. multiple riding accidents, broken bones, a car crash. then just being an idiot in general. and chronic back problems.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

apart from once forgetting to pay for the underground and getting an 80€ fine, no.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i’ve met and had dinner with two different finnish presidents and some other ‘upper class’ people but other than that, no. 

24. Baths or showers?

one of those rain shower things

25. What color socks are you wearing?

i have no socks !!!

26. Have you ever been famous?

uhhhh not in the literal sense of the word but i’ve been infamous at school when i was like 15. made a meme of one of our teachers that went low key viral in our city.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

definitely not in the hollywood sense of things. 

28. What type of music do you like?

a lot of things. anything, really, depending on the time of day and if i’m feeling particularly emo.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

that’s like the only type of swimming finnish people partake in. naked in the sauna, naked in the lake/ocean. so yes, multiple times a year jhdsnhb

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

currently like five

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

either on my back or on my stomach. depends on what place hurts that day lmao.

32. How big is your house?

closer to 400 m^2 . i still live with my parents but will move into my own flat in six months, once it’s ready. that’s going to be appx 70 m^2.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i know its a bad habit but i often dont have breakfast. if i do it's usually fruit and yoghurt or some toast.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

yes

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yes. fun fact; my cousin has won the european championchip ( in some form of archery idk ) like twice , i think. 

36. Favorite clean word?

defenestrate

37. Favorite swear word?

fuck. i use it Too Much™

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

can’t remember the exact amount of hours but we were sailing and our shifts got messed up to the point where i had either not slept at all or slept so little in like four days i was genuinely hallucinating. almost jumped into the sea because i thought i dropped my life vest,,, which i was wearing.

39. Do you have any scars?

a few. dumbest one probably when i rode in my shorts but used a saddle and rubbed the skin off of my calf. also from hay work, those little dots that look almost like moles.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

not that i know of

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, unfortunately. it’s a bad habit in the sense that i tell a lot of white lies when i could genuinely tell the truth with no consequence. like, it would be the one and the same.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

also yes. i’ve seen some shit. also i have surprisingly good people skills.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i can speak english in my normal accent which is kind of queen’s english (?) upper class idk, then in world’s english ( so basically no accent / neutral ) and then in finnish (rally) english .  i can also speak swedish with a rikssvenska (standard swedish ???) accent and then finlandssvenska which is finnish swedish (and an actual thing lmao). also i can butcher a norwegian or danish accent in swedish if i really try. my finnish is very neutral, but it does vary a bit depending on what city i’m in.

oh, and also a shitty southern american accent. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

if i let it shine through, yes, but i tend toward world english because anything else scares finns. but when i speak finnish (which is most of the time) i don’t really have an accent. maybe you can hear that i’m not 100% finnish but that’s about it.

45. What is your favorite accent?

i don’t really have one ! all accents are really fascinating.

46. What is your personality type?

entj-a

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i have a few expensive dresses, and then of course my riding clothes which cost ridiculous amounts of money because fuck everyone who likes horses, i guess. like excuse me but why is it normalised that you pay over 1000€ for a helmet??? anything less and you’re a peasant.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

mmmmyeah. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie!

50. Left or right handed?

pretty much ambidextrous, though i prefer to write with my left but do everything else mostly with my right. my handwriting doesn’t differ too much from left to write.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

yes. ew. and we’re lucky to only have tiny ones in finland !

52. Favorite food?

ummmmm. currently carelian pie maybe?? idk such a good snack.

53. Favorite foreign food?

squints??? sushi????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

depends. often too lazy to clean but incredibly stressed and uncomfortable when its messy. meticulous about all the wrong things.

55. Most used phrase?

either some form of keysmash or “FUCK”. also in finnish either “voi jumalauta” or “voi saatana” which both basically translate to “jesus fucking christ”.

56. Most used word?

also fuck. this really must say something about me smdh.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

really depends. sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes two hours. on a normal day w/ shower and moderate make up, 15-25 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

depends really. i hope i don’t!

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

whomst the FUCK bites lollipops ?!?!?!

60. Do you talk to yourself?

i’ve only recently started. it’s terrifying.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

when driving if i’m listening to music, yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

honestly, no clue. i don’t really sing in front of people so i haven’t gotten opinions.

63. Biggest Fear?

failure.

64. Are you a gossip?

not about my friends, ever. but i will definitely listen to any tea you want to spill.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk does kingsman count as dramatic?? the first one was hilarious.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both have their perks!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

LMAO i can name like 3 if i really try.

68. Favorite school subject?

history, english lang & lit, economics.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

extrovert but i get tired easily

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

yes ! we go to the maldives once in a while, because finland doesn’t offer much in terms of diving sites.

71. What makes you nervous?

not a lot of things? i guess some responsibilities. things left for me to do even if someone else was supposed to do them.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

a dark room ? no. a dark forest at midnight ? hell yess. finnish winter darkness is terrifying simply because its so depressing. seasonal depression is real yall.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends. if it’s a trivial mistake and they haven’t asked to be corrected, no. if it makes me or someone else feel bad or just makes any situation worse, then yes. but never unkindly.

74. Are you ticklish?

YES. ugh

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

no. i can’t recall doing so, at least. but i have participated in spreading them.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yes. at work a couple of times simply out of necessity and also when i took part in MEP. was committee president twice and president of the general assembly once. though idk if that counts since i was like 17 and its all p much play pretend.

oh! and also when i captain our boat. but again, idk if that counts.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah, ever since i was like 16 :/

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no, and never will. not my thing !!

79. Who was your first real crush?

probably a boy from class. i can’t remember, really. i’ve never been too  ‘romantically inclined’ i  suppose.

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my ears, once.

81. Can you roll your Rs?

almost every r in the finnish language is technically rolled so yeah. i feel bad for those finnish people who cant !! makes everything so hard.

82. How fast can you type?

according to this thing 75 words per minute on my first try, so idk how accurate that is.

83. How fast can you run?

not fast. i  hate running, and am very out of practice. 

84. What color is your hair?

idk ? like, light brown ?

85. What color are your eyes?

again, idk. blue/green/grey

86. What are you allergic to?

dogs, cats, birch, and almost anything that flowers in the spring jshbdsjh

87. Do you keep a journal?

not a journal per se but i have a ‘little black book’ which i keep rather meticulously about my thoughts on the day, important things i need to remember, my expenses etc. a habit inherited from my dad. i’ve gone through like six of these in the past few years.

88. What do your parents do?

my mum is a mayor and my dad is a ceo

89. Do you like your age?

yeah !

90. What makes you angry?

injustice.

91. Do you like your own name?

yes !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

ksjdsjhb no. at this rate i’d end up naming a child crowley or sum shit

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i don’t want kids but if i did gender would be a non issue

94. What are you strengths?

lmao i have good people skills, work well under pressure, get along with everyone, am determined and ?? a good leader??? idk

95. What are your weaknesses?

i take on too much responsibility, i have anxiety and depression, i get frustrated at my own failures, i’m very self-critical and unforgiving. also no self-control when it comes to rp.

96. How did you get your name?

i think somewhere from my dad’s side, not entirely sure.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

possibly? not sure. but fun fact! a great great grandmother (? or something of the sorts) from my mother’s side actually survived the sinking of the titanic.

98. Do you have any scars?

wasn’t this asked already?

99. Color of your bedspread?

this blue mandala like pattern idk

100. Color of your room?

white and a very mellow blue

[berlinaura]

Last spring in Finland I attended a course “German for those who are going to have an exchange year”. They told us about the stages which one usually goes through during an exchange. As far as I remember, the stages were roughly somewhat like this: firstly one views everything and everyone better than in their home country and everything is super interesting and fun. This basically means that the everyday life hasn’t kicked in yet. The next one is getting annoyed at everything and everybody. Comparing the country to your home country and maybe even feeling like it would have been a better idea to just stay home. After this comes the stage of adaptation where one gets used to customs and stops comparing everything to one’s home country. Last phase is coming back to home country and seeing it in a new way. And of course telling stories of the exchange year to friends and family until they are bored to death. 

I remember thinking two things when we were taught about this. Firstly, who the hell would go through a phase of hating the country they go to? It seemed so irrational. The second thing was “Now that I’ve heard about this stuff, I can rise above it and use my brain and self-knowledge to avoid it. Yeah... As you might guess, it did not happen. I admit, during last few weeks I have spend a huge amount of my time wallowing in “WHY DO YOU DO THIS LIKE THIS” “Why can’t you do it in the right way” “What the hell is wrong with Germans!”. Mostly my frustrations have been related to my university. The mornings I am usually in a good mood. I drink my coffee, get ready (I have started to care more about what I wear and how I look like now that I am in Berlin hahaha) and go to school. All in all it takes me around 45 minutes to get from my home to university which includes walking, tram and S-Bahn. The way there and back are usually my favorite bits of the day. I enjoy watching people, traveling through Berlin in S-Bahn and listening to music. On the way back from university the people in public transport are usually going to pubs or parties so it’s nice to see happy and lively faces. I try not to overwhelm myself with school even though I feel like I need to be constantly studying to keep up. The thing is, even though the courses seem a bit challenging, partly because I am not used to academic English and partly because I am studying in a new study field, I find all of them interesting and genuinely think they are useful. I think I will shortly find a balance because now I feel super drained after every day and still feel like I have the “responsibility” to do fun things and go to places whenever I am not studying. It’s like a freshman year all over again. 

So, what has happened after the last post? Quite a lot. I was on a Wanderlust trip to Dresden in October. We also visited a famous bridge (Bastei) in Saxony. The views and the scenery were incredible! Dresden was also very cozy and historical city. It was a lot smaller than I expected. We only had a few hours to browse through the city but we could easily reach the most important sights by just walking. On the bus we opened bottles of wines we got from Lidl and played some car games with the people who sat around me. I suggested searching “questions to get to know each other” so on the few hour way back we just simply shared our biggest secrets and fears as if we had been knowing for a long time. The french boy sitting in front of me got  interested as I mentioned we are throwing a sitting here, so he wanted to help. We formed a committee of 5 people for a sittning, planned it in a cafe and contacted international office. Their response was rather dry and due to International office organizing a similar event in December, we decided to postpone the sittning and start planning it again in January.

Wanderlust trip was good because everything was already planned and sorted out for us. We just had to be on time to catch the bus. I already booked another wanderlust trip to Magdeburg in December. They have a Christmas market there. I also want to see the city that was my other option to have an exchange year in. By the way, I am super glad I ended up choosing Berlin over Magdeburg. 

The next day me, the Austrian girl who sat next to me on the bus and her friend went to see a light show in the city centre. There is this light festival held in Berlin where they project things onto famous buildings and monuments. The one projected on Brandenburg gate left me speechless. They projected things like collapsing of the wall, JFK’s speech and techno culture of today’s Berlin.

One Friday evening my friend, my roommate and her friends decided to go to a burlesque show. The bar was super fancy as was the show. I just couldn’t get my eyes of the woman who performed. She danced to a remix of Britney Spears’ Toxic so naturally I had to ask her after the show if she liked Britney Spears. She said they only picked it because they needed something that people would recognize but at the same time something that isn’t the actual song. :( She was amazing tho.

In October I also went to see Prinz Pi live at Columbiahalle. I’ve never been to this venue before and it was so cozy! Man the concert just got better and better and I just had goosebumps for like half of the show. At the encore Prinz Pi said something in the lines of “You know.. The next place I go to.. You don’t want me to tell the audience that the audience of Berlin was dull? Go crazy then!” and I have never seen an audience getting so hyped during a song (”Gib dem Affen Zucker”). I got inspired of this so I already booked a ticket for Sido’s Christmas show in Columbiahalle. Actually I tried to go to his normal tour’s concert which is actually today, but I thought too long and it got sold out. People were asking 200€ per ticket (the original was around 45€) so I gave up. Then I decided to go to his christmas show but AGAIN thought too long because they are held in 20.-22.12. and I needed to sort out my flights to Finland first. But one day I decided to go to eventim’s page to see if someone was selling their ticket (they were, but overprized again) and I saw that there was one original ticket on sale even though it was sold out before. Someone had cancelled their ticket and some forces of the universe told me to refresh that page at a right moment. So now I have my ticket and just can not wait for it!

In the beginning of November I went to Prague to see my friend. The train ride was only 19 euros and I could easily do my homework and watch Kotikatu there. Priorities were sorted out! I navigated to Revnice where we went to a local brewery and shared things about our lives. The beer was the best beer I have ever had in my life which is sad because I literally can’t get it anywhere else than from there. Damn brewery! The next day we played board games, ate well and went swimming. My friend introduced me to a new thing: putting honey in a coffee. At first I doomed the though: ew, who the hell does that? Honey belongs to tea, not coffee. Then I tasted it and... it was delicious. It is yet to discover if it because of the honey or their super fancy coffee maker. Then we went to the brewery again and played a Czech card game called “bang”. I think I got the gist of it and even won the game once. On our last day we were just sightseeing and went to a concert together. The songs were translated to me and for a moment I felt super ambitious to learn Czech. I don’t want to miss out on funny songs just because I don’t know the language!

Last weekend there was a celebration in Berlin due to it being 30 years from the fall of Berlin wall. It was a bit similar to the light festival. We were out with friends two nights in a row and found a super cute place in Prenzlauer berg: Houdini. They have Indian food and cheap cocktails. We continued the evening to this living room looking place that was connected to a Späti. The Späti-drinking culture is something that is missing from Finland. Here Spätis are these small shops that mostly sell drinks (beer, soda, water, cider and so on) and candy.They are open late which is actually where the name Späti (Spätkauf = late shopping) comes from. There are often benches and tables where people can enjoy their drinks which are cheaper than in normal pubs of course. The Späti man asks if the beer is to be enjoyed in the living room and adds a small fee if it is. And there’s a bottle opener on the counter. Everything is sorted out so in my opinion Späti-drinking is a good way to go out and get drunk with small budget. 

Yesterday we had an excursion with my German class. We went to Berlinische Galerie which is a museum of contemporary art. They had an exhibition of Bauhaus, the art/design/architecture Academy in pre-WWII Germany that affected modern design and architecture. We were walking around and filling up a worksheet the teacher gave us. I enjoyed it so much and everything seemed so pleasing to the eye.

 Afterwards we went to a open stage event which was basically a talent show. There were 10 acts of which everyone had 10 minutes to convince the audience who voted for a winner. We also had beer and wine counter there naturally. My favorite was this one dude in tight ballet outfit who preformed a circus act which was funny and impressive at he same time. His background music was swan lake but the dude sang along in a terrible way which made it less serious. Then he juggled with 6 balls and every time he messed up, he cried out in a dramatic way. Then at the end of the show he turned his back to the audience and we could see he was digging something from his crotch and then he turned around and swiped of sweat from his face with a pile of tissues he had as a crotch-filler the whole time. The tipsy audience laughed so much that the winner was pretty much clear at that point. The dude who went after him performed a horrible keyboard improvisation and his face screamed “ I am sorry to be here, I just want to flee!” hahahahah. The act that came second was funny as well, they performed “Let it go” but with a German translation, the google translate type of translation. Conclusion is: the audience wants to laugh at talent shows, not see real talent. 

On top of all the events I have also been attending the hiphop dance class I think I told about. The teacher is super funny (and hot :D) and the dancing is so intensive and so much fun! I look terrible, though but it’s not the main point here. I might continue this hobby when I get back to Finland.

Now I have to start packing my things because I am going to Szczechin (Poland). I heard it is a city where Berliners go to shop because it is cheaper there. I feel like this trip can be either a massive success or a terrible flop. Time shows... 

[lucinx-moved]

in finland valentines day is called ystävänpäivä which literally translates to friends day and its mainly focused on celebrating friendships anyway which i think is very nice. so HAPPY FRIENDS DAY, FRIENDS!! 💗💜❤️💚💕💖💓💞💝💜❤️

[padfootagain]

Jenna’s Birthday Special

It's @madamrogers's birthday today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNA!

I reckon that there's nothing I do best than writing, so here is a little cute something for you! And I made you a moodboard too, cause why not ;) Happy birthday my friend, I hope you have a wonderful year ahead of you!

I make reference to some songs, I would advise you to listen to them while you read this :D (I've put the links towards the right song on spotify). Also, at one point, you will need to listen to the song 'Octobre', by Francis Cabrel, that's the melody I imagine for that particular scene… you will know which scene I am talking about when you get there.

I mentioned the name of your country (no more details than that), as it is mentioned on your blog, I thought you wouldn't mind. But tell me if you do, and I'll delete it.

I really hope you like this little gift of mine.

Word Count : 2000

He had never travelled so far away.

Ryan literally spent his life travelling. He jumped on trains and walked for hours on deserted roads. He had crossed the U.S several times, carrying everything he owned in his backpack and guitar. But if he were honest with himself, he had to admit that he had never thought that he would ever cross any boundary. If the borders traced on a map between states didn't mean anything to him, he had always remained between these two long dark lines that separated his country from others. Now that he came to think of it, he wondered why. He had made a passport for this trip he had taken now, he had organized everything… he could have crossed these dark lines to explore new lands and new towns and new roads. Thousands of new tunes were awaiting him there, and yet he had never dared to go so far.

But after thinking about it for a minute, the answer seemed so simple.

He had always been afraid to go so far.

His lifestyle as a musician travelling on the roads required from him to deal with the unknown. Nothing in his life was planned. And yet, in a way, everything was planned.

He would jump on a train and enjoy the ride until he arrived to the next city. He would stay there for a few days, especially if he had friends there. He would find a nice spot where he could play the guitar, and then, once he felt like it was time and that he had gained a few bucks, he would jump on yet another train and travel to the next town…

These roads, he had travelled across them countless times. But crossing the border of a new country meant meeting another way of living. Another way to travel. And somehow, he was afraid of this unknown, even if his life was surrounded by unplanned things.

But now there he was, walking out of the airport in a foreign country where people didn't even speak his language.

Ryan had never dared to cross the borders of his country before, but for you, he had crossed an entire ocean.

He picked up his backpack and walked further through the large hall. Under the words wrote in a language that was entirely foreign to him, he was relieved to find the English translations. He walked through the airport and towards the bus area in the rhythm of Sting singing Englishman in New York that played through the halls. He had booked a ticket to reach your hometown. But the cold of January hit him so hard that his breath got caught in his throat. He zipped his warm coat and wrapped his woollen scarf tightly around his neck. He also put on his gloves, and hurried towards the buses lined up along the wall of the airport. Snow covered the road, and under his boots, the icy ground cracked loudly. Through the screen of smoke that formed before him at every breath he blew, he looked for the right bus, and also took a few seconds to enjoy the beauty in the contrast of the snowy ground so white and the clear sky so blue. A small smile formed on his lips at the sight.

Ryan finally found the right bus and climbed in, relieved to find that the driver spoke English. He sat on the seat right behind the driver, keeping his bag and guitar with him, and waited to take off his scarf and gloves to get warmer. While he waited for the bus to leave, he checked once more that the gift he had bought for you was in his backpack. The paper in which he had wrapped it had suffered a little during the trip, but he was sure that you would forgive him. The gift in itself seemed still safe and sound: he had bought for you a very beautiful blue notebook, themed with paintings of Monet. He hoped you would like it.

As he put the gift back in his bag, he finally realized that he was about to see you, and his small smile turned into a bright one at the thought. He hadn't seen you in months… not since your trip to the U.S.

That was when you had met. He had helped you through Washington D.C as you were lost, and you had become friends as you bumped into each other several times the following days. Friendship had quickly turned into something more though…

During the few weeks you had spent in his country, you had both slowly fallen for each other, but only too soon, you had flown across the ocean and back to Finland. And for months, this ocean had separated the two of you…

He didn't have a home, so letters were out of the question to keep in touch, and calls could easily cost a little fortune when thousands of miles separated the two people calling. Emails sounded more manageable to him.

You had thus started to write each other emails on a daily basis. Although, these emails looked more like letters than traditional emails. And you both enjoyed the charm in this style of writing.

Entire conversations were shared this way, and you told him everything that happened to you, and he told you everything that happened to him. In his habit of looking for a place to stay, and a place to play, and a way to leave a city was added the need to find a computer. He couldn't imagine spending a day without reading any news from you. Only once did you skip a day and didn't answer to his previous message, and Ryan had spent the entire night worrying sick about you. He had imagined the worst scenarios, and had even looked for ways to reach Finland.

If the emails soothed this painful feeling that you both felt as you were apart, it didn't make it disappear. And Ryan couldn't wait to see you again.

Your birthday was the perfect excuse to make the trip. For months he had saved every cent he could to pay for a plane ticket that would take him to you.

His eyes closed for a few seconds, tired of the long flight he had just walked out of. Before him, the driver had turned on the radio, and the calm melody of Don McLean's Vincent reached his ears. He softly hummed to the tune while he opened his eyes again and settled his gaze on the beautiful landscapes, fields and trees covered by a white blanket of snow, sometimes tainted with water that had taken the colour of the bright blue sky. You hadn't lied when you had described your country as beautiful. And from the inside of the bus, Ryan admired the gorgeous landscapes displayed before him.

At every second that passed by, he could feel that he was coming closer to you, and a warm feeling grew in his heart, a strange mix of excitement and apprehension mingling with joy.

Finally, he arrived to his destination and walked out of the bus and into the cold street. He unfolded the map of the area he had bought, and walked through the town in search for a flower shop. He reckoned that you would like the attention.

He quite easily found one, and searched for your favourite flowers. He picked up some roses and gerberas, and asked for a bouquet to be made with them. And satisfied with his new gift, he walked outside again.

He realized quickly though, right when he reached the end of the street, that he had forgotten his map in the shop. He guessed he had put it down to pay for the flowers. He turned around and walked back on his steps to pick it up again, but he froze as he reached the door…

Through the glass, he could see… you.

You were standing there, in the middle of the shop, alone. You were smiling, bending down to breathe the sweet scent of roses.

Behind him, a car stopped, and through the open window, Renée Fleming's voice filled the air through the melody of You'll Never Know.

And as he stood there, in the cold, watching you, music bathing the scene… tears slowly rose to his eyes.

He had missed you so much…

He stared at you for a while, motionless, as if time itself had been frozen so that perfect moment could endure, at least for a little while longer. Eventually though, he shook himself out of his reverie, and rested his hand on the doorknob. But he didn't open the door.

He had imagined this scene a thousand times in his head. What he would do, what he would say once he finally met you again.

But now that the moment was finally upon him, his mind was completely blank. What could he say?

He had never been that good with words, or at least, not in conversations. He was a quiet man, except when he sang…

He took a step back, and put down his flowers and his backpack, taking his guitar.

And he did what he was best at. The sound of his guitar replaced Renée Fleming's tune as the car started again and drove away.

Soft notes flying through the air… and his voice soon started to play as well, another instrument he mastered perfectly. He had no doubt that you would recognize him.

He had written this song while he waited to see you again. After he had booked his tickets and was certain that all the paperwork was ready. Once he was certain that he would see you again, although he was afraid that time had carried him out of your thoughts and heart…

He found that it fitted the moment rather well.

 It is so soft, the way your memory brushes me

A mere breeze blowing through the branches of a tree

Like a whisper breathed late at night

Once the world is bathed by starlight

I wonder if you still think of me

 The fog is lazy today

As it covers the road ahead

No matter which city I travel to

The only place I long to see is you

And I wonder if you still think of me

 The snow by now is everywhere

And I imagine the snowflakes caught in your hair

The snowmen look happy

Even if you're not with me

 There is an entire ocean between your hand and mine

But we watch the same sun in twilight

 It is so soft, the way your voice rings

Joy is the only sound it brings

So many miles to cross to hear it again

I should get on my way then

Before you stop thinking of me

 The day bends in the horizon

But no matter if my chains are made of iron

I will break them to see

If you're still thinking of me

 There is an entire ocean between your hand and mine

But we watch the same sun in twilight

 And perhaps you have forgotten me

But I promise till the day I die I will keep

The memory of how soft it has been

To have a place in your reverie

And perhaps one day you will think of me

 There is an entire ocean between your hand and mine

But we watch the same sun in twilight

 As the last string stopped vibrating, he finally looked up to find you there, standing by the door. Your eyes round and filled with tears, an aghast but happy look painted all over your features.

Without looking away, he picked up his flowers, and handed them to you, this charming and yet shy smile of his that you loved so much curving up his lips.

"Happy birthday, Jenna."

[caixxa]

2, 6, 7, 10 for your fanfic asks. Thanks!

2. Which of your own fanfics have you reread the most?

I wish I had a counter! I think the cumulated top score is on Dream Talk Night Day (football rpf) because it’s the oldest one and I used to read it over and over again back in the day. I reread my own fics a lot but the one that I reread most must be one of the hockey rpf one-shots, the Finnish Team Finland story  Tappiolla tappiin (because it’s the fic I wrote so I could read it) or the dirty leafs porn bits his boner is a foot-long concrete dildo and add a dash of ginger because they gather kudos steadily and I drop a visit to the fic from time to time to check who left it and often end up reading the fic because they are short (and porn).

   6. Name three stories you found easy to write.

1. Sunburn Treatment (hockey rpf) was definitely the easiest! I didn’t even know I was writing a fic, it came up as a part of a fun conversation, some back-and-forth Pekka Rinne headcanoning with a dear friend. At some point I realized I had a nice couple of scenes in a fic-worthy setting and she encouraged me to pick up the pieces, translate and edit them into a legit little fic. @iltauinti, what would i do without you?

2. Miss U Honey (football rpf), it was short and quick, just a couple of ideas in my head that flowed easily to the keyboard.

3. Forgetting Martin Nečas (hockey rpf), a bit similar as a writing process as the above one and equally short (1,3K), a quick reaction work, impressionist strokes.

7. Name three stories you found difficult to write

1. My most popular work My fair lad II: The odd couple (football rpf) is a longfic, a wip and constant struggle these days. It’s research-heavy and because I write it slowly I have to dive into the data almost from zero every time I want to work on a new chapter. Cristiano Ronaldo’s unresolved rape allegation case is another challenge, the situation makes it uncomfortable for me to write a character based on 2009 Cris, as I get closer to the summer in the story the more I wonder how I’ll deal with it. But it hasn’t always been a difficult story to write! I’ve had tons of fun with it in the past.

2. Pinot Blanc (hockey rpf) I went in deep with the dark moments and the turbulent emorions I make the characters go through in this story, and made some painful realizations of how I project my own issues in my writing. And some of the sex bits were a challenge too, I had to cross my own inner boundaries when I took the daddy kink thing (gotta add: BETWEEN TWO EQUALLY CONSENSUAL ADULT CHARACTERS) further to a incest roleplay/ageplay/ddlb levels. I literally hung my fingers over the keyboard thinking “can I write this? do I want to?” before typing lines like “Will you be my good boy? Will you show daddy your dick?” or “Paws off the wee-wee, kid.” Like, I don’t think they look like much written like that but it was poking a taboo for me.

3. Letters from a new home (hockey rpf) not so much difficult because I enjoyed the story as it was a writing skill challenge, I had to pace two storylines together to bring them to a common goal, and do quite a bit of research because it’s partly a historical AU. It was an ambitious story, I procrastinated with starting it and had to write to a deadline because it was a gift exchange work. And my recipient was a co-mod of the whole exchange which set the bar high for me (and to my disappointed they apparently hated the work or haven’t checked it out, I never got a comment from them).

8. What’s a theme that keeps coming up in your writing?

Am I the best person to answer this? Well, I think I have infidelity in them more then most other writer’s I’ve read. Ambiguous feelings, bisexual characters and people jumping casually in bed first and dealing with emerging feelings later. (that was more than one so maybe the one is ‘we are all a hot mess’)

Thanks for asking!

fanfiction asks!

[fictionfromafar]

Kalmann by Joachim B Schmidt

Kalmann

By Joachim B Schmidt

Translated by Jamie Lee Searle

Bitter Lemon Press

For nearly twenty years London based independent publisher Bitter Lemon have introduced a very diverse range of translated crime fiction to English language audiences despite publishing a modest half dozen books a year. I'd highly recommend exploring their catalogue of exceptional crime fiction publications countries such as Argentina, Brazil, Cuba, Japan, Turkey, France, Italy, Spain and Germany - many of which I consider as essential reading for any crime fiction fans.  The one notable region that the publisher have avoided to date is Scandinavia (although check out their novels by Harri Nykänen & Katia Ivar from Finland).  While they appear to have taken a step closer with the publication of an Icelandic mystery, Kalmann actually follows the publishers' tradition of publishing Swiss authors. These have previously included Friedrich Glauser and Hansjörg Schneider.  Joachim B. Schmidt, born in Grisons, Switzerland in 1981 emigrated to Iceland in 2007, where he lives with his family in Reykjavík and works as a tour guide which he combines with being a journalist, the author of three novels and numerous short stories. Perhaps more to the point, Kalmann sees the emergence of a new unique voice in a radically different novel from those pended by either Icelandic crime fiction writers like Arnaldur Indriðason, Yrsa Sigurðardóttir and Ragnar Jónasson or the aforementioned Swiss authors.

Set in the northern peninsula of Raufarhöfn, Iceland, I had the sense as I read this book that this is Schmidt's ode to the country he has made his home. The story effectively depicts the beauty, the isolation, the diversity and the wildlife that are present in one of the most remote outposts of Europe. It also presents many of the challenges in living in such an environment as well as a consideration of some of the perceptions of those who live there.

Kalmann features the portrayal of a neurodivergent narrator of the same name and I feel an extremely high level of skill has gone both into the creation of this character and its superb translation by Jamie Lee Searle. The character's neurologically atypical patterns of thought and behaviour are shown from the outset of the book in a very effective manner.  At times his thoughts are conveyed as simplistic such as when he states: "things with me had never really gone forward. They suspected that the wheels in my head ran backwards."

When in company his comments often appear carefully pre-learned or habitual while his interpretations of events and the interactions between other characters are often interpreted innocently and literally. The result is a fully formed character who the reader cautiously lends their sympathies to. Someone whose knowledge has been acquired by the conversations he has had with his grandfather, mother, other residents of the village, through the television programmes he watches and online chats with his only friend. While on the surface he appears to be a fool, he is actually inherently wise to his surroundings with an excellent memory.

The book starts when Kalmann, while tracking a fox he has named Schwarzkopf finds a pool of blood in the hills above Raufarhöfn. The location is Artic Henge - a modern day stone construction which evokes neolithic monuments that was built to encourage tourism (this place really exists). When the villagers discover that local businessman and hotelier Robert McKenzie has vanished this prompts a search for his body and his presumed murderer. Thinking differently from the way the rest of the village do so, Kalmann presents his theory that a polar bear has killed McKenzie thus making himself an unreliable witness for police investigator Birna and a very unpredictable interviewee for the media teams that have descended on the village.

As the story develops, we learn that Kalmann was born to an Icelandic mother and a long departed American airforceman, Kalmann sees himself as the local sheriff of Raufarhöfn, wears a cowboy hat and carries a Mauser gun, an heirloom from his father.  He has been part raised by his grandfather who trained him to fish Greenland shark and prepare the traditional Icelandic speciality of hákarl (fermented shark). It appears that these undeniable skills, which are unique to the region, allow him to be tolerated by the other villagers despite his idiosyncrasies. Kalmann fantasises of relationships and sexual relations with some of the girls in the village yet it is clear that it is company he craves most.  He is constantly worried about the mortality of his grandfather who is now living in a care home 130km away. His frustrations are occasionally expressed through loud vocal or violent outbursts when things do not go his way to acts of self-harming. While the crime story is what will bring most readers to this book, many of the most memorable aspects of the novel are how the character of Kalmann amuses, charms and alarms the reader in equal measure.

Life in the harsh climate of Raufarhöfn is one of considerable endurance with the local population believing they and their ways of life have been forgotten by the latte drinkers of Reykjavik. The onset of global warming and the introduction of fish quotas have made fishing a far less lucrative business than it was previously. When it is found that Robert McKenzie has been involved in some shady business and has sold the village's quota, this seems certain to see the collapse of fishing in the area. This creates numerous enemies for the hotelier whose workforce of East Europeans had already fostered suspicion. While providing motives and context, I feel these carefully and sensitively crafted portrayals of some of the realistic issues such as the impact of the decline of the herring and fishing industries are very revealing. While the themes of isolation and depopulation of rural areas is regularly a feature of Icelandic noir, I did feel that some of the societal issues featured in Kalmann went deeper into an examination of the country's psyche.  The breath-taking peacefulness of the savage landscape on a calm day is revealed on the occasions that Kalmann goes on the sea. Yet it is also from the sea that two discoveries emerge that start to bring the investigation to a conclusion...

The first of these is some macabre evidence pointing towards the fate of McKenzie while the second points at a reason why he might have disappeared. As the book reaches its climax Kalmann unwittingly stumbles into the middle of a police investigation with hilarious consequences. There is a real art to making humour work in translation and Jamie Lee Searle has excelled at doing so in these sections. A suspenseful episode follows leading to the final revelations before an ending that I found was quite moving.

Kalmann is a remarkable read as it is quirky, warm and deeply heartfelt story yet somehow manages to be suspenseful, insightful and humourous. It's a book with a lot of soul with a lead character that you will really invest in.  Originally published in Germany, Kalmann was published in Iceland relatively recently  to great acclaim. It might just be the book to open Icelandic fiction and its authors in the same way Antti Tuomainen provided a contrasting angle in contrast to darker writers of fiction in Finland. I'd highly recommend this first English translation of Joachim B Schmidt's work and I look keenly forward to reading further works by him.

Many thanks to Bitter Lemon Press for an advance copy of Kalmann and to Random Things Tours for an invitation to this book tour. Please check out the other reviews of this tour as shown on the above tour poster.

[king-a-queen]

Eurovision 2022 - Second Semi-Final

The second semi starts in a moment, so here’s what I think about the songs. And as always - good luck to all the participants!

Finland (The Rasmus – Jezebel) – I’m glad that Finland didn’t disappoint and brings us another rock song. It’s be weird to see a famous band on the Eurovision stage though (however, after Florida being part of San Marino’s entry, nothing will surprise me). The live vocals could be better, but we’ll se how it’s sound tonight.

Israel (Michael Ben David – I.M) – Michael has a great voice, impressing charisma on stage and the song itself is a fully guilty pleasure song. When I’ll be walking into a room full of strangers, this will be the song I’ll have in my head. Nothing more to add.

Serbia (Konstrakta – In Corpore Sano) – I was hooked after hearing literally first notes of it. It immediately stroke me as a unique entry. It still can’t stop playing in my head. And after reading translation of the lyrics, I like the song even more.

Azerbaijan (Nadir Rustamli – Fade To Black) – It’s the type of ballad, that I like. It sounds like straight from a movie soundtrack. I enjoy both his falsettos and raspiness in his voice. The concept of staging also looks promising.

Georgia (Circus Mircus – Lock Me In) – It’s a little bit weird, but it’s my type of weird. Its chorus just randomly starts to play in my head at random moments of a day. I don’t think it’s a qualifying material (especially in this semifinal), but I like it.

Malta (Emma Muscat – I Am What I Am) – It has a strong Disney teenage movie vibe. But even though I prefer it over ‘Out Of Sight’, I think that changing the song that won the national final is a little bit unfair to the other participants of that final.

San Marino (Achille Lauro – Stripper) – Maybe it’s not my favorite, but I like it. I’m only worried about live performance as after the rehearsals I feel like it balances on the border which divides performance from a kitsch.

Australia (Sheldon Riley – Not The Same) – Not my type of song. Sheldon has a strong, gorgeous voice, but the song itself is a little bit repetitive. But I have to admit that live version is way better than the audio and improved my opinion on this song even though it’s a little too overdramatic for my taste. But I do love the aesthetic.

Cyprus (Andromache – Ela) – I like the ethnic sounds, but this song doesn’t have anything special to me.

Ireland (Brooke – That's Rich) – At first I didn’t like it at all, but it definitely grew on me. However, everything will depend on the live vocals.

North Macedonia (Andrea – Circles) – Maybe it’s not the most interesting song of 2022, but I love Andrea’s deep voice in this.

Estonia (Stefan – Hope) – This song makes me feel like I’m riding a horse towards sunset. Overall, I get really positive vibes from it.

Romania (WRS – Llámame) – It’s the type of song that I’ll put on a party playlist if I wanted my non-obsessed with Eurovision friends to dance to Eurovision songs. Overall, it’s a great banger, but I think the live vocals could be a tad bit better.

Poland (Ochman – River) – I know I’m biased since I’m Polish, but I just love this song. I’m so happy that after non-qualifying streak, we’re finally sending a good and talented singer. I just hope that the staging won’t destroy the performance. I haven’t been that excited for Polish entry since 2016.

Montenegro (Vladana – Breathe) – Usually I don’t like ballads like this, but I have to admit, it has something in it that makes it stand out from the crowd. Maybe it’s the ethnic sounds, maybe it’s Vladana’s unique voice, but either way, I kinda like it.

Belgium (Jérémie Makiese – Miss You) – He has amazing vocals in the studio version, the song is great and emotional and I don’t understand that it’s not as hyped as some of the more boring songs this year.

Sweden (Cornelia Jakobs – Hold Me Closer) – I love the rawness of the live performance and it refers to both staging and Cornelia’s vocals. It makes the song much more sincere. I’m still not sure whether it’s a winner material or not, but top 5 is almost sure. Also, congrats Sweden for not sending yet another polished male pop song.

Czech Republic (We Are Domi – Lights Off) – A really nice pop/electronic song, if one song is gonna make it to the radio stations across Europe after this Eurovision, it could be this one. And rightfully so.

My ideal qualifiers: Finland, Israel, Serbia, Azerbaijan, Estonia, Romania, Poland, Belgium, Sweden, Czech Republic (but to be fair, I have at least 15 qualifiers in this semi, it was almost impossible to choose just 10).

My predictions: Finland, Israel, Serbia, Azerbaijan, San Marino, Australia, Estonia, Romania, Poland, Sweden.