#impulsively washing all my socks in the middle of nap time

[ventingoutmyass]

1.17.25

reading bkdk fanfiction like a little fucking rodent whispering to myself "we're so fucking back" over and over again.

to anybody whos never had any kind of similar experience to what my last few years have been, this is what coping looks like.

I am nothing, if it weren't for the gaping hole in my chest exclusively reserved for [fictional] romantic couples and my severe attachment of human connection to them.

just a constant over my life, the feeling that "nothing feels real, except for them"

and also the whole idea ig of choosing somebody for the sake of choosing them and loving them wholly for the sake of loving them. chosen unconditional love, perhaps.

remember i said not too long ago that I don't care about feeling loved? yeah. maybe healthy brain has changed its mind after 26 years.