#immediately googled what it meant when you didn’t like anyone

[katsu28]

for you i'd wait forever

pairing: bradley "rooster" bradshaw x reader

summary: bradley breaks things off with you before a deployment because he doesn't want you to worry about him (4.2k)

warnings: some swearing, bradley's commitment issues, happy ending i promise!

a/n: okay so from what i gathered from my googling is that tapping out is typically for new military graduates (i think?) but this idea was so cute so pls forgive the inaccuracies i have no idea what i'm doing at all <3 and also pls forgive me for the utter lack of writing since the beginning of the year, these last few months have been brutal (creatively and otherwise) but i am hopefully back!!! xx

Bradley thought he knew the tolls of being in the Navy. It was tough on not only him, but the people in his life. For the most part, he’d always put his career first. His life had always been on a set track, and although there were plenty of setbacks, he forged ahead until he got where he was today. 

And then he met you. Fell in love with you. Finally knew what it meant to have someone in his corner who was just his. Who knew him for him only, not as Goose’s kid, or Mav’s protege.

For the first time in his life, he could actually see himself spending the rest of it with you. Marriage, house, kids, grandkids—the whole shebang.

That was his first mistake. The more he thought about what life could look like with you, the more he thought about what your life could look like without him. What would happen if something happened to him and he didn’t make it back from this next mission coming up in a few weeks. 

He thought about his mom and how she lost his dad—her husband. The man she thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with. 

Bradley’s thoughts grew quite grim after that. Countless what if’s and thinking about every possible outcome and he eventually made up his mind. He had to break up with you. 

He didn’t want to. Not by a long shot. You were probably the best thing that ever happened to him in his thirty plus years of life. But deep down, he knew that it was the right thing to do. He was about to leave for six, seven months, with little to no contact with anyone who wasn’t Navy. That would definitely take a toll on your relationship. You’d never been through something like this before, and there really was no way to prepare you for what it would be like. 

You would worry about him every single hour of every single day, he knew that for a fact. Bradley barely remembered what it was like when his dad was away because he was so young, but he did remember how worried his mom was all the time.

Looking back, he understood now. He didn’t want that for you. The worry would hold you back from other things you wanted to do in life, things that brought you joy and gave you purpose. 

With the mission creeping up on him faster than he would’ve liked, he knew he had to do it sooner rather than later. 

That was how Bradley found himself on your doorstep right now, pushing down his guilt by telling himself over and over that breaking up with you was in your best interest. He hadn’t called beforehand to tell you he was coming by, so when you answered the door and beamed brighter than the stars when your eyes landed on him, he almost wanted to chicken out. 

“Hi!” You exclaimed, immediately pulling him into a warm hug. His arms closed around you out of instinct, thumb rubbing over the sliver of exposed skin at your waist, nose nudging its way against your neck the way he always did when you embraced him. 

He inhaled the scent of the lotion you loved to use, that flowery one that sometimes made him sneeze. You always said you’d buy a different one the next time you went to the store, but you always forgot. He didn’t mind it at all though. A small bout of allergies was nothing compared to the inevitable smattering of apology kisses you pressed to his face when you realized you’d forgotten. 

Fuck, this was going to be way harder than he thought. 

Your hands made their way up his biceps to cup his cheeks, eyes darting around his face. “What’re you doing here? Oh my god, did we have something planned? I’m so—” 

“No.” He gave his head a shake, offering you a smile. “No, we didn’t have anything planned. I just…wanted to see you. To talk to you.” 

“Come in, come in, I was just about to start dinner,” You hummed, escaping his embrace with an arm hooked through his to tug him over the threshold. “Trying a new recipe I found the other day, not sure if it’ll turn out good or end up being a shitshow, but—well, you can help me be the judge of that, I guess!” 

“Is it okay if we talk first?” 

If you were confused, you didn’t show it, just changed direction seamlessly, making your way to the couch instead of the kitchen. You sat down, patting the cushion next to you for him to settle on and he did, rubbing his clammy palms against his thighs. 

“Is everything okay?” 

Everything was far from okay, he wanted to say. Instead he inhaled a deep breath before his next words. 

“I wanted to tell you I’m shipping out in a few weeks.” 

Your face fell a little, but you nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. What do we do? Is there anything you can tell me? Like, what’s the best way to get in touch with you, when’s the best time, that kind of stuff? Or is sending letters better? Sorry, I feel like I’m asking a lot of questions. I don’t—I’ve never really done anything like this before, so—” 

“I think we should break up.” He blurted. 

You hesitated before answering, blinking at him like you’d somehow heard him wrong. “What?” 

“It’s hard having someone overseas for a long time, even more so when it’s a partner. It was really hard on my mom, and hard for me having to watch her worry like that for months, and I—I don’t want that for you.” He said quietly, not daring to meet your eyes until he gave his poor excuse for an explanation on why he was doing the one thing he swore he wouldn’t do to you. 

The moment he’d realized he’d fallen in love with you, he’d promised himself he would never abandon you, never break your heart or your trust, and here he was, doing that exact thing. It was tearing him apart inside. 

“I don’t want you to have to go through all that, so it’s just better if we—that we break up now. Before I go.” 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m sorry. It’s for the best.” 

“Why are you doing this?” Your voice broke just after the last word, swallowed up by a hitched inhale of a breath that had his resolve wavering just the slightest bit. He could barely look you in the eyes the whole time, and now…he didn’t think he could stand the sadness and hurt flooding every single one of your beautiful features. 

“All the worrying and the uncertainty of not knowing what’s happening, I don’t—it wouldn’t be fair to you. I care about you too much to put you through all of that.” 

You were silent for the longest time, eyes glued to the floor as you processed the information. He thought you were about to start crying with the way your brow creased, but when you finally looked back up at him, your gaze had hardened. “Did these last six months mean nothing to you? You’re just gonna throw everything away because what—you don’t think I can handle it?” 

They meant everything to me, he wanted to say. You mean everything to me. 

If he was really being honest with himself, it was him who couldn’t handle it. Still, he forged on, thinking it best to just rip off the bandaid. He could live with being the asshole if it meant sparing you from the terrible experience of him being god knows how many miles away for months. 

“I’m sorry. I wish you nothing but happiness, Y/N. You deserve better than anything I could ever give you.” 

“You wish me nothing but happiness?” You chuckled humorlessly, shaking your head. Bradley’s eyes tracked you across the room as you paced back and forth, guilt ridden expression on full display. All he wanted to do was take all of it back; to kiss you senseless and tell you everything was going to work out, but he couldn’t. He’d burned the bridge, cut the rope. Broke your heart. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He probably was. “Screw you, Bradley. I mean it.”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated, for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was all he could say. 

“Get the fuck out of my house.” 

“Y/N, I—” 

You rushed at him, pushing, shoving, sending him stumbling step by step towards the front door until he almost crashed into it had he not managed to pull it open a split second before you shoved him outside. He’d never forget the look of betrayal in your eyes right before you slammed the door in his face. 

Bradley forced his feet to take him back to his car, then to drive away before he could have a chance to even try and make things better. He’d most likely end up making things much, much worse. Though he didn’t think it could get any worse with the way he was feeling about himself right now. You were angry at him, and you had every right to be. 

But had he lingered at your door only moments after, he would’ve heard the thump against the wood that was you sliding down to the floor and the sob that escaped your mouth. 

All because of him. 

-------

Bradley was happy to finally be coming back home after ages away, but then he realized it—he didn’t have anyone to tap him out this time. His mind jumped to you first, but there was no chance in hell you’d be there for him. You’d probably moved on months ago. Forgotten about him. And with Mav away on another deployment, he really had no one. 

His chest ached the longer he stood at attention, jaw clenched tighter than he meant it to be as he watched the rest of his squad get tapped out by their loved ones. Coyote’s parents, Fanboy’s sisters, Hangman’s nieces and nephews, Phoenix’s girlfriend. They were all emotional reunions, and Bradley was happy for them, he really was. But it sucked being the one with nobody there for him. 

He wasn’t expecting the soft tap on his arm when it came. He thought it was a mistake at first; someone else’s family bumping into him accidentally, so he didn’t move. But when the hand didn’t leave its place wrapped loosely around his bicep, Bradley knew it really was for him. He turned around, squinting against the blinding sunlight to see who’d come for him. 

“Hi.” You said softly, hand dropping back down to your side. He couldn’t help but let himself take you in, eyes drinking in every single achingly familiar detail of you until you shifted nervously under his intense gaze. You looked so beautiful he almost felt dizzy, just like he remembered but at the same time somehow even better. 

“You came.” He said, disbelieving. He could still hardly believe you were actually here. 

“I promised you I would.” 

“But that—that was before…everything happened. Why are you—what’re you doing here?” The last thing he wanted to sound like was ungrateful, because he was quite literally the opposite, but his mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that despite him breaking your heart seven months ago, you still remembered what you’d promised him in the very beginning of your relationship. 

“What does it mean to tap someone out?” You asked quietly, tracing a finger along the planes of Bradley’s bare chest. Your legs were tangled under the covers, both of you still basking in the aftermath of getting reacquainted with each other again after Bradley had been out of town attending a weeklong training exercise. 

His skin was still damp with sweat, but you didn’t mind one bit, too busy exploring the expanse of muscle shifting under his bronzed skin again. “In military terms, I mean.” 

He chuckled, hiding a content smile into the hair at the crown of your head. “That’s a weird question.” 

“Humor me, Bradshaw.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Bradley stroked a rough palm down the smooth skin of your arm, taking a few beats to come up with an answer that would make sense. “Tapping out is a super long standing tradition in pretty much all military units, I think. It comes at the end of a mission, when we’ve come back to base.” 

His arm repositioned itself under your head as he scooted closer to the warmth radiating from your body, nose nuzzling deeper against you just so he could engrain the smell of your lingering fruity scented shampoo into his memory forever. 

How you still smelled so good even after your…physical activities just before this was beyond him, but he loved it. 

“An aviator’s loved ones are usually the ones to do it. Friends, family, those kinds of people. When you tap out your aviator, literally you’re releasing them from formation. But I guess it’s kind of a gesture that means…you’re home.” 

Your wandering fingers stilled against his skin, lingering right above his heart. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Go for it.” 

“Who usually taps you out?” 

Bradley remained silent. It was an innocent question, he knew that. He’d told you a little bit about his parents, and you were just curious. Still, it sent a pang of sadness through his chest whenever he thought about what it would’ve been like if they were still around today. 

He cleared his throat, sniffing once. “Usually Mav. Or sometimes one of my squad’s family. If no one can, I just gotta wait til everyone else is done.” 

“I wanna do it.”

“What?” 

“I’m gonna be there next time you come back from a mission. To tap you out.” 

“I appreciate it, honey, I do. But you don’t need to.” 

“I want to.” You said firmly, pulling away from him to prop yourself up on your elbow and look him in the eye. You looked damn serious too. He raised a quizzical brow. “You said that to tap someone out means to tell them they’re home. I want to be the one to tell you you’re home. Here. With me.” 

Bradley opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then snapped shut when no words came out. He really was at a loss for words. No one had ever done that before. Sure, Mav’s offer was always a good one to fall back on, but Bradley had never had someone he cared about as much as he did about you telling him they were going to be there for him. 

The next best thing he could think of instead of saying anything at all was to kiss you. So he did. 

He pushed himself up towards you, sliding a hand around the nape of your neck and pressing his lips against yours. Not bruisingly hard, but enough to let you know he was all in. The other hand curled around your shoulder, splaying across your back to bring you back in closer to him, until your chests were flush and you could feel his heartbeat thundering under your palm.

He was home. You were his home. 

“I told you I’d be here to tap you out, and I meant it.” You said simply, holding his gaze. “I keep my promises, Bradshaw. Even after the way you left things.” 

Red hot guilt crept its way through his chest like vines, bringing all the memories of the last time you saw each other right back up to the surface, even after how hard he’d tried to shove them all down. If there was one thing he regretted in life, it was how he left you that night. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for that one. 

“I don’t even know what to say, Y/N, I—” 

“Then let me say something.” You blurted, wringing your hands. Bradley nodded instantly, still too dumbfounded to reply. “I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say to you today for months. I don’t even know if I should.” 

“You should.” He encouraged, nodding quickly. He’d always wanted you to be able to speak your mind with him. “Don’t hold back. Let me hear it.” 

“Okay. Okay, well first of all, you’re an asshole, Bradley.” 

He nodded again. He deserved at least that much. “I am. Absolute asshole, I know.” 

“But I never stopped loving you. Even though I was angry and sad and confused as fuck as to why you would do that to me, I still loved you. And eventually, I realized that it wasn’t anything I did wrong. You were scared. Of losing me, of me losing you. So you decided it was your responsibility to pull the ripcord before you crashed and burned.” Bradley winced slightly at the comparison and you grimaced at your own poor choice in words. “I—sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“It’s okay. You’re right. You didn’t deserve that.” 

“You said you didn’t want me to worry while you were gone, well, I did that anyways.” You chuckled, like you were remembering a fond memory instead of the constant state of anxiety you’d been in. “But instead of worrying that the man I love might not make it home, I was terrified that if you didn’t come home, I’d spend my whole life replaying our last conversation in my head. Wondering if there was something I could’ve said or done so you wouldn’t have given up on us so easily.” 

“You think that was easy for me? Sweetheart, walking away from you was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my whole life.” 

“Sure seemed pretty easy.” You scoffed lightly, only a tad spiteful. A low blow, you realized, when Bradley stiffened for a split second, but you held steady. 

“It wasn’t.” His reply was immediate and firm as could be, but somehow, that didn’t make you feel any better. “You have to understand, breaking things off was the last thing I wanted to do. But I couldn’t—I thought that if I didn’t, you’d wait for me.” 

“I would’ve waited, Bradley! I did wait for you! For you, I'd wait forever because I love you, but you didn’t even give me that choice. You made the decision on your own instead of talking to me about it. That was what hurt the most.”  

“I’m sorry.” Bradley said quietly, reaching out to take your hand. His fingers laced through yours almost tentatively, feeling so familiar but so foreign at the same time. There was a point in your life where you never thought that concept would apply to Bradley. “I never should’ve left like that, I wish I could take it all back.” 

“I think I understand now why you did it. I understand that fear that comes with the experience of losing a loved one like that. But Bradley, you’re not responsible for my feelings. And I don’t care how scared you get, I’m not going anywhere. From now on, we work things out together, no matter what you think is best.” 

“From now on? Does that mean…?” 

“You’re my home, Bradley Bradshaw.”

Bradley took your face in his hands and he kissed you, long and hard, pouring every ounce of pent up feelings he’d been bottling up for the past seven months into it. Pain, fear, love, hope—all of it. You were never one to believe in such emotion being able to convey itself through a simple physical action, but now you could honestly say you understood it. 

Your hands spread across the broadness of his back, fingers pressing into the crisp starch of his uniform like you were afraid of letting him go , even though he was home and everything was okay now. Losing him the first time made you angry. You didn’t even want to imagine possibly losing him a second time. 

He drew back, only far enough to press his lips to your forehead, hands still holding you close as could be. “Thank you for coming.”

“I don’t make a habit of breaking my promises.” 

“C’mon, I wanna introduce you to the squad.” He said softly, lacing his fingers through yours. The way he all but bounded over to the group of aviators a little ways away was almost boyish, as was the excitement in his voice when he approached them. “Hey everyone, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Bradley announced, sliding a hand around to the small of your back. 

Everyone’s eyes turned on you, conversations petering to a gradual stop as they looked between you and Bradley. You shifted nervously, suddenly feeling unsure with all the attention on you, but Bradley’s thumb rubbed along your skin, soothing you just a bit. “This is Y/N. My girlfriend.” 

The tall blond reacted the quickest, snapping loudly before aiming a finger in your direction, along with a shiny smile. “Wait, I know you! You’re the one in that photo Rooster keeps tucked in his helmet. Lemme tell you, he looked at that picture every damn day, it was like—” 

Bradley let out a very forced laugh, aiming a not-so-subtle daggered glare at the other man. “Okay, Hangman! That’s okay, I really don’t think—” 

“You’re a real saint, taking this one back. If I ever pulled the shit he did, my car would’ve been keyed to all hell when I came home.” Hangman chuckled, giving his head a shake. 

“Hangman. Shut. Up.” 

“Don’t tell me to shut up, you shut up!” 

“You’re the only one talking!” 

“Alright, alright, you’re both grown men here,” The dark haired woman sighed, turning towards you. “At least, I hope so.” 

You chuckled at that, casting a glance over at Bradley to find him already looking back at you, the back and forth with Hangman already long forgotten given the way he was smiling at you, like you were the force that made the world go round. Taking you in under his arm, he dotted a kiss to your hairline as your fingers came up to intertwine with his again, watching you interact with his squad like you’d known them for years. 

It was everything he ever wanted. And now that he had it, he’d never be dumb enough to let it go again. 

His mind drifted back to his parents’ fate— how they never got to live out their life together. How there was no guarantee about anything when it came to Bradley’s own fate with you.

And sure, it was scary to be so uncertain about the future, but you’d both climb that hill together when the time came. For now, Bradley could let himself be content. This second chance at a life with you wasn’t one he was planning on taking lightly, not by a long shot. 

“Let’s get off this damn carrier and hit the town! Drinks at the Hard Deck, last one there buys the first round!” Hangman’s drawling voice drew Bradley out of his thoughts, just in time to let the words sink in.

You, on the other hand, stifled a giggle at the sight of seeing a group of full grown adults scatter as fast as Bradley’s friends did. Watching Hangman nearly shove Coyote to the ground upon seeing their cars were parked next to each other was something you’d never not get a kick out of. 

But Bradley, he didn’t seem as worried about it all. In fact, he walked leisurely with your hand firmly in his, swinging both of them between the two of you as you made your way to your own car. 

“Aren’t you worried you’ll be the last one there?” 

“I’ll buy the round, I don’t care.” He shrugged. “I wanna spend some time with my girl.” 

“Your girl.” You hummed, giving his hand a squeeze. “Gotta say, I’ve missed hearing that.” 

“I’ve missed saying it. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, honey. Starting with, do you or do you not have a voodoo doll made in my image that you stabbed with pins when I was away because I broke your heart?” 

You scoffed, letting out a not so attractive snort. “Bradley, I mean this in the most respectful way possible—what the hell are you talking about? Where would you even get that idea?”

“I—uh, I had a dream about it? A few weeks into deployment.” He admitted sheepishly, cheeks burning red in embarrassment. You pressed your lips together, trying not to laugh. “You don’t, right?” 

“Don’t be ridiculous.” You replied, giving his chest a firm pat. You didn’t have a voodoo doll of him, of course, but playing along was worth it just to see Bradley squirm. 

“Wait, wait, wait, but you didn’t say no.” 

“I didn’t.” 

“So you do?” 

“I didn’t say that either. But if you’re not sure, I’d watch yourself the next couple weeks.” 

His brows furrowed in confusion and a bit of fear as he watched you walk away from him with some bounce to your step. “I…really don’t like the sound of that. Hang on, get back here. Explain, please!” 

follow @katsu-library to be notified when i post new fics :)

[whytheylosttheirminds]

june gloom - r.c.

(Rafe Cameron x pogue!reader, 4.5k words)

summary: After 8 beautiful months tangled up with the richest man on the island, your trist comes to a screeching hault when it's time for him to find a girl more suited to his lifestyle. Even though you tried to move on, a photo of a new girl on his arm sends you both into a spiral that ends with him back in your bed.

content: angst/smut, drinking, smoking, what could be perceived as infidelity but technically isn't. this story is 18+ minors do not interact.

You met him in September, at a nightclub on the mainland. You had been dancing with your girlfriends all night, celebrating your best friend’s bachelorette party. It was the fourth bachelorette you’d been to in a year, now at the age when all of your friends were settling down and getting married. There was no ring in sight for you, though. Your friends would laugh and call you the wild stallion, a running joke among the group that no man could tame you. You never saw the point in marriage. You were stubbornly independent, insistent that you would make your own way in the world, promising yourself you’d never be just someone’s little wife. 

You knew this choice meant you’d struggle a little more than your friends, most of whom ‘married-up’ financially. You didn’t grow up with money, and you didn’t have any now. You had spent your whole life on The Cut and you had no problem spending the rest of it there. If the trade off for living your life however you wanted was hustling and jumping between dead-end jobs, so be it. You were much more interested in collecting stories anyway, always looking for wild nights and strange characters to fill your life with, briefly, not keeping anyone around for too long.

You went out every weekend, no Monday 9-to-5 looming over your fun. You’d brought many guys back to the little shack by the water that you rented, your barely-one-bedroom, as you called it lovingly. All the other bachelorette parties ended up with you bringing some guy back to your apartment for some pretty good sex and a completely ingenuine “I’ll text you sometime.” So when you stepped off the dance floor, sweat making your silk-slip dress cling to your curves, and the bartender handed you a drink that was a gift “from that guy over there” you smiled wide, knowing this night would go exactly as planned.

You smiled slyly at the tall blond in the corner as you took a delicate sip of your drink. He was gorgeous, eyeing you up and down like he was starved for you. His large frame was crowding the booth of the VIP section as he winked and lifted his glass to you in salute. 

This time, there was a problem. This time, the sex wasn’t pretty good. This time, the sex was earth shatteringly incredible. You genuinely didn’t know sex could be that good, that a guy you met at a bar could ever be capable of making you feel so euphoric, or come so hard, so many times. You didn’t know your own body was capable of the things he got it to do. You didn’t think you’d ever want to stay up talking and laughing with one of your hook-ups like you did that night. You didn’t think you’d ever wake up disappointed that the guy from the night before wasn’t in the bed next to you. And you definitely didn’t think you’d ever be the one to pull out your phone and text him first.

After that night, you saw each other regularly. It turned out he lived on the island too, though his estate was on the rich side of town. That first night, he only told you his first name. But when he had you put your number in his phone and text yourself so you’d have his, a note popped up at the top of the text thread that said “maybe: Rafe Cameron.” You recognized the surname immediately, it was everywhere on this island. After he left the second time, you googled him. Thousands of hits came up, articles about his family, pictures of them at their estate, on their yacht, at charity galas and property groundbreakings. Even though you knew his drive back from your place was only a couple of minutes, every night when he snuck out into the darkness, you couldn’t help but feel like he was retreating to a completely different universe.

After a few weeks, Rafe’s late night visits started getting longer and longer. After he’d fold you into shapes you didn’t know you could make and fuck you breathless, you’d lay in your bed, his head on your chest, smoking a joint and talking for hours. You talked about everything, the conversations weaving between casual chats about your common interests, to deep talks about purpose, values, and trauma, to joking around and teasing each other until you were giggling below him and he was smiling into the skin of your neck. 

You’d tell him about your plans to never settle down and keep chasing the next adventure. He’d tell you about his asshole of a father and the grand plans he had for him. Neither of you ever acknowledged how antithetical your life plans were. The truth that nothing real would ever work between you would hang in the air everyone once in a while, but you’d just push away the tension with a joke and fuck again. 

Even though your nights together would bleed well into the early morning, Rafe never stayed over. It was an unspoken rule between you, he never told you he wanted to stay and you never asked him to. You told yourself it was a good thing, exactly what you wanted, as you shivered in your empty bed and cursed the loss of his warmth.

One night, that May, you and Rafe sat on your bed, eating the take-out he had ordered to your apartment after you’d finished fucking. He was quieter than usual, distracted. Just a little earlier, he had gone down on you for longer than he ever had. Taking his time, praising every inch of you with kisses. He whispered little nothings into the soft skin of your inner thighs before devouring you. “So beautiful” and “so good to me, baby” and “all I can fucking think about.” He always talked to you sweetly, saying the nicest words while doing the filthiest things to you, but this time was different. Typically he was rough, which you loved, but this night he moved slowly, without his usual urgency. He brought you to orgasm on his tongue twice, before fucking you in missionary, his forehead against yours as you came at the same time. Since that moment, he’d barely said anything to you outside of asking what you wanted for dinner.

You sat in silence and picked at the Chinese food he’d gotten from your favorite place. You watched him as he shifted uncomfortably on the mattress and twirled a chopstick between his long fingers.

“You don’t like your food?” You asked him hesitantly.

“Hmm?” He looked at you for the first time in several minutes. “Oh, no it’s fine, it’s good.”

His smile was tight as he set the containers on your nightstand, out of the way.

“Really? ‘Cause you didn’t eat any of it,” you pointed out. You hoped your teasing would loosen him up a bit, but he just sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Hey, is everything okay?” You asked quietly, your hand reaching out to gently pat his leg. You had never seen him like this before and had no idea how to proceed.

He looked up at you and leaned back against the headboard, biting the skin around his thumbnail. You were getting nervous.

“Rafe?”

“I, uh, had a talk with my dad today,” he muttered.

“Oh?” You raised your eyebrows in curiosity. “And how did that go?”

“About as good as you might think,” he chuckled humorlessly. 

Even though you didn't know his dad, after the many stories Rafe had told you about his father’s temper and general disapproval of him, you hated him.

You sat in silence, hand still on Rafe’s knee, as you waited for him to tell you more.

“He said, uh…” Rafe stalled, like he was struggling to find the right words.

“He said what?” Your heartbeat quickened in anticipation, the unfamiliarity of his tone throwing your thoughts into chaos.

When he still didn’t answer, you whispered, “Rafe you’re making me nervous.”

He responded to this, clearly feeling bad when he realized he had you on edge. He placed his hand over yours and finally made eye contact with you. You tilted your head and tried to read his expression with no luck.

“He told me he wants to make me the VP of Acquisitions at Cameron Development,” he finally said.

You shook your head slightly as a big smile of relief spread across your face.

“Oh,” you half-chuckled. “Well, Rafe, that's great! That’s what you wanted right?” You placed your other hand on his forearm and shook him playfully. “That’s good news, why are you acting like someone died? Jesus, you scared me!” 

He smiled at the gesture, you knew he liked the way you’d mess with him. But then he straightened up more against the headboard, pulling away from you slightly.

“That’s not all he said,” he explained.

“What else? He’s going to give you a million dollars?” You joked.

“No,” he said sternly, making the smile fall from your lips immediately. “He said if I want this promotion that I need to get my shit together and…settle down.”

“Oh,” your brows furrowed as you considered his meaning, not quite understanding at first. When it hit you, you pulled your hands away from him completely. “Oh.”

“Y/n,” Rafe whispered, observing the way your lips curved down slightly.

“You’re ending this,” you said flatly, gesturing between the two of you.

“I didn’t say that,” he winced.

“But you are, though, I mean you have to,” you had steeled yourself into an impassive tone, trying to come across as unaffected.

Internally, you were on fire, feeling so foolish for how happy and giggly you had just been, oblivious to the fact that you were essentially being dumped.

Neither of you had ever said this was exclusive, you weren’t a couple, there was no commitment made. Still, the way he’d talk while he was inside of you made your head dizzy with the possibility of it all. There was an alternate universe out there somewhere in the cosmos, where he made you his for real, claimed you in public, put a ring on your finger. Sometimes, when he was so deep you were seeing stars and telling you how much he “loved being inside of his girl” you’d allow yourself to get lost in the fantasy, just for a minute.

Then you’d wake up alone, still poor, still a pogue. You’d light up a cigarette and let the smoke engulf your delusions.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “He made it very clear that he expects me to find someone soon, to get married and start a family. I can’t do that with you, obviously.”

Obviously. Your throat tightened at the hurtful assertion.

“Right, obviously,” you agreed. “I mean I’m just a pogue who lives in this shithole and you should be with someone more worthy of you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Rafe muttered, closing his eyes tight in frustration. “I meant, ‘cause you know, you don’t want all that.” 

You rolled your eyes. “It’s okay, Rafe, I get it,” you scoffed. “This was never meant to be a long term thing anyway, we’re just fucking.” 

It was such a ridiculous assertion, your trist had gone so far past just fucking, but you needed to convince yourself it was true otherwise there was no way you’d make it out of this unscathed. 

Rafe just blinked back at you for a minute before standing from your bed. You were grateful he was moving quickly, the last thing you wanted to do was let him see you cry.

“Right, just fucking,” he agreed. “And I need someone who can run a house and have a family, y'know, and understands my world.”

Every single word felt like a knife in your gut. You nodded like you couldn’t agree more, shuffling down in your bed and pulling the covers up.

“Okay then,” you fluffed your pillow, as if it was any other night and you were just getting ready for bed. “I hope it all works out. This was fun, though. Lock the door on your way out?”

Rafe looked down at you for a few seconds, your back to him as you settled into your pillows. 

“You got it,” he answered. 

And then he was gone. And for the first time in your life, you cried yourself to sleep.

It was June now, a month had passed since the night you last spoke to Rafe. You had started going out even more than you were before you met him. You friends joked that you were alive from the dead, since you had chosen nights in with Rafe over social events for so many months. 

You were dancing at the same club where you met Rafe so many months earlier. You joined a few of your girls at the bar and waved down the bartender for another drink. 

“...posted on her story,” you leaned in to catch the end of your friend’s sentence. The girls were all leaning over to look at something on one of their phones.

“What are we looking at?” You slurred, already a few drinks deep.

The girl holding the phone told you they were looking at the instagram of a local influencer you all knew of.

You made a fake gagging noise. She was one of the richest girls on the island, infamous among you and your friends for her obnoxiously lavish lifestyle and her overly edited social media pictures.

“Ew, why?” you questioned them, accepting your usual drink from the bartender with a wink.

“Look at what she posted tonight,” your friend holding the phone showed you the screen. 

You studied the photo, your grasp around the cold glass got tighter as you took it in, your knuckles going white. It was a selfie - the girl you couldn't stand all done up in diamonds and red lipstick, gazing up lovingly at Rafe Cameron.

There was no caption, just a little heart-eyes emoji and his instagram tagged.

You never told your friends about you and Rafe. You felt strangely protective over what you had with him, not willing to hear any negative feedback about fucking around with a Kook prince. You knew they wouldn’t understand how perfect and intense your nights with him were. They wouldn’t believe that he was funny, sweet, tender. No one would ever know him like you did.

Like you used to know him. 

You took a sip of your drink and tried to act unaffected by the picture. In reality, your world was crashing around you. You knew he’d find his perfect Kook princess eventually, but you didn’t know it would be so soon, or that it would be her. You half-listened as one of the girls explained that she heard from a mutual friend that they weren’t official yet, but you knew they would be soon enough. Everything would go to plan for him, he’d get everything he ever wanted and you’d just watch through a screen. 

After telling your friends you had a headache, you took a ferry back to the island and walked to your apartment in the dark. It was a questionable choice in this part of town, but you needed the early summer night air to clear your brain. By the time you got back to your apartment you were sober, and yet you still felt like you might throw up.

You ran the shower in your tiny bathroom, letting the steam fill up the space and sink into your pores. The hot water turned your skin red and blotchy, but you couldn’t feel a thing.

BANG BANG BANG.

Your eyes flew open and you turned the faucet off quickly, hands shaking in panic. It was nearly 2 a.m. and someone was pounding on your front door. You wrapped a towel around yourself and padded lightly over the front door. 

“Who is it?” You yelled, trying to sound as menacing as possible.

“It’s me,” a deep voice answered from the other side. You peered into the peephole, even though you didn’t need to see him to know who the voice belonged to.

Rafe stood on the other side, his white button up untucked and his tie loosened. It must be the same outfit he was wearing in the picture.

Your body and brain both paused, unable to process the shock of seeing him standing under your porch light.

“What do you want?” You questioned.

“Can I come in please?” His voice was strained, weak even.

“Why?” You said with a guarded edge to your tone.

“Y/n…” Rafe pleaded.

Despite every instinct you had, you opened the door.

He looked frenzied, his hair tousled, and the hem of his suit pants splattered with mud. He still looked fucking hot, his sleeves rolled up a bit, revealing his muscular forearms.

“What happened to you?” You asked.

“I walked here.” His eyes flickered up and down your figure, taking in the sight of you in just a towel, licking his lips.

Your stomach tightened at the hunger in his eyes, but the pain of the last month burned fresh in your mind. Getting over him was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and the long, painful process wasn’t even over yet. Seeing that picture tonight was just another sharp spike in the barbed wire he had wrapped around your heart.

“She couldn’t have given you a ride?” You spat at him.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn’t need to ask who you were referring to.

“I asked her not to post that picture, I didn’t want you to see that,” he huffed.

“Why not? I knew it was coming." You summoned the same unbothered tone from the night he left you.

“We’re not-” he stumbled over his words, looking down at his feet. “She isn’t my girlfriend…”

“Yet." You jumped to the end of his sentence for him. His eyes flew up to yours. “But she will be,” you surmised with a sad smile.

He doesn’t disagree with you.

“She’s perfect,” you continue. “Gorgeous, rich, part of your world.” 

He sighs regretfully, both of you recognizing the words he said to you a month earlier.

“I know,” he agrees.

“Then why did you come here?” 

He doesn’t answer you, just clenches his jaw and keeps his eyes firmly locked to yours.

“She’s everything you wanted,” you point out. 

He nods his head in agreement again, “you’re right.”

“So then why are you here?” You repeat.

He cocks his head to the side ever so slightly, blue eyes locked onto your lips.

“‘Cause she’s not you.”

You wish it didn’t make your heart race, wish it didn’t make your stomach flip, and you really wish it didn’t make you let out a small, nearly inaudible gasp. His heavily lidded eyes fogged over with need as he studied your face intently. Your gaze dropped from his eyes, to his lips, to his heaving chest, to his wringing hands. He flexed his fingers anxiously, and you wished you didn’t know what they felt like buried inside of you.

Your mind was racing, a million thoughts and most of them were warnings. You knew how this ends, the morning would come and he wouldn't be there. And a year from now they’ll be married and you’ll be haunted by this night. Every self-protective instinct you have left screamed in your head, pleading with you to make the right choice.

You were ready to appease the voices, about to close the door in his face, when his fingers reached towards you and just barely grazed the seam of your towel, tugging slightly with the most restraint you think he’s ever shown. All the noise in your head just stopped. Suddenly there was nothing in the entire world except for the man in front of you.

“Fuck, Rafe,” you breathed out hard and fast before grabbing his face in both of your hands and crashing your lips into his.

He lost it at the sound of his name on your lips and the taste of you on his tongue. His hands landed firmly on your waist, squeezing hard. His lips parted yours and his tongue invaded your mouth, hot and greedy. His hands slipped to your lower back, caging you into him with a flex of his biceps. You let out the sweetest little grunt as you jumped up, your arms and legs wrapping around him so he could carry you.

With you in his arms, he walked into your apartment. Still kissing him, you reached out and slammed the door closed. He let go of you with one hand to reach back and turn the lock, a sign of strength as he held up your whole body with one arm like you weigh nothing. He walked you both through your small apartment, not needing to look where he’s going to find your bedroom.

He bent low to drop you on the bed, you released your grip around his shoulders just long enough for him to roughly rip his shirt open and pull it off. He was back on top of you in seconds, lifting you up to scoot you both up to the top of the mattress. 

As his lips moved to your neck, you realized you’re already falling back into your old patterns, with Rafe controlling the tempo and doing most of the work. The familiarity made you anxious, you had gotten so addicted to the way he commanded your body and you weren’t sure you’d survive another detox. When he started rolling his hips against you, you could feel how hard and ready he was under his slacks, and made a decision.

You reached up behind his head and laced your fingers through his hair, tugging hard to separate his lips from your skin. A gasp passed through his lips at the sensation.

“You want me, baby?” You purred.

His brows furrowed, but he was too desperate to play games.

“So badly,” he admitted.

“You want to be inside of me?”

His eyes rolled back slightly at the sound of your dirty words. When he didn't answer, you arched your back and pressed up into his aching cock, letting the towel open just enough to expose your bare core, your wetness soaking into the soft fabric of his pants.

“I need it,” he groaned. “Need to feel your pussy around me again.”

At this confession, you released his hair and pressed against his chest to roll him onto his back, straddling him. You kissed him again, just as fevered as before. While your mouth clashed with his, your hands undid his belt and he lifted his hips to allow you to pull his slacks down, leaving him in his snug briefs. You bit his lip, smiling smugly when he moaned. You licked a stripe up his neck, loving the salty taste, Rafe already sweaty from how worked up you’ve got him.

You kiss up his neck, until your mouth is pressed into the shell of his ear.

You whispered, “Does she feel as good as me?”

Rafe said your name in warning, clearly not wanting to talk about her while you were on top of him like this.

You pulled his earlobe between your teeth and bit down, making him wince, pleasured by the pain.

“Answer me,” you demanded.

“N-no,” he stuttered as you pressed your hips down hard, your now dripping pussy sliding over the outline of his cock. 

You sat up straight, and he tried to follow you, his head lifting from the pillow, but you laid your hand softly on his chest and pushed him back down.

Rafe watched as you slowly open the towel and dropped it to the floor, revealing yourself completely. He lifted his hands subconsciously, reaching for your tits. You grabbed his wrists and held his hands back, just inches from your skin. 

“Does she make you as hard as I do?” You said with another circle of your hips.

He shook his head back and forth rapidly, relenting to your game. You lowered one of his hands, raising your hips off of him slightly, one more question in mind. 

He inhaled sharply as you dragged his hand against your pussy, his fingers instinctively rubbing with the perfect pressure.

“Does she get this wet for you, baby?”

“Fuck,” he grunted through clenched teeth, “No.”

You leaned back over him, lips hovering over his, your breath intertwined.

“Then fuck me like you’ll never be able to fuck her.”

Rafe’s restraint snapped in half and he flipped you on your back. He ripped his briefs down with one hand, while the other ran over your calf and brought it to his shoulder.

He filled you like only he can, like he was tailor made for you. You clenched around him hard as he pounded into you, eventually lifting your other leg so you could dig your heels into his shoulder. No more words were exchanged, the ecstasy and exertion and emotion all too intense for either of you to form words. 

This is it, you told yourself, tomorrow he’ll belong to her. 

The tops of your thighs pressed into your stomach as he bottomed out over and over again. You hoped he would think the water in your eyes was just a result of the pressure. He must've noticed it though, because he threaded his fingers with yours to soothe you, pressing his forehead against your temple, and panting desperately into your ear.

It only took a few more strokes for you both to come. The last time you heard his voice, he was crying out your name. He filled you completely, and you were still dripping with him when he climbed off of you, pulled his clothes on wordlessly, and left.

You laid still for a long while. No tears came to you this time, a bitter acceptance washing over you. 

He’s gone for good now, leaving you with another wild story to tell and freeing you to throw yourself into the next adventure. And he’ll have a picture perfect life, with the perfect girl.

You both got exactly what you wanted…

…right?

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚

part 2

[wosoamazing]

14:00

Warnings: Death, CPR, car accident, blood, head injury, stud’s causing blood, match abandoned, panic attack?, ankle injury, vomit(barely, bile), badly translated Spanish - google translated (has english though too). 

A/N: Part 2? If yes Angsty or Fluffy?? Or both??

One minute you were walking down the street with your best friend, the next minute you were on call with 112, about to start CPR on your best friend. Every minute that went by she slipped further and further away. The women who hit her. The women who didn’t even know her was breaking down. Her continuous screams of “I’m sorry” pierced your ears over and over. This women, a women who didn’t even know her was allowed to break down but you couldn't. You had to fight back the tears that brimmed your eyes. You had to stay strong. Watch how her chest caved inward with every compression. Watch as the colour faded away from her body slowly, as blood spilled out of her. Watch as her pupils dilated further. Watch as her chest caved in slightly less with every compression and feel how your arms burnt more with every compression, your breath becoming more ragged with every minute, becoming increasingly aware of your heart that pounded in your chest. A wave of relief should’ve washed over you as you heard the sirens but it didn’t, instead you steadily became increasingly aware of the severity of the situation you we’re in.

“Señorita, ¿puede dar un paso atrás? Nos haremos cargo.(Miss, can you step back, we will take over.)” You didn't even look at him, not even a glance, your mind was laser focused, nothing else could get in. You had to keep going. You couldn't stop. She couldn't die. A hand was placed on your shoulder and it pulled you back, the paramedics immediately resumed CPR, you knelt there, trembling, tears threatening to leave your eyes, but you didn’t let them win.

“¿Puedo comprobarte? (Can I check you out?)” A voice said as they placed a hand on your back, you flinched “No, no, estoy bien, estoy bien (No, no I’m fine, I’m fine)” you reassured yourself. Because you were fine, you weren’t the one dying on the pavement.

----

“Ella ha estado codificando durante una hora, llámalo (She’s been coding for an hour, call it)” “Hora de la muerte 14:00 (Time of death 14:00)” you turned around, walked away, not noticing some of your teammates standing there, they all expected you to break but you didn’t. 14:00 signalled your best friend’s time of death, it also signalled the death of your ability to feel any emotion, you walked straight out of the hospital and back home, like a robot, monotone, you continued to just go through the daily motions of life for weeks, somehow not feeling any emotion. Until Alexia decided to try and get through to you one day.

“Y/N! aquí ahora(here now),” up until this point she was letting you go, when you didn't respond when you ignored her, but she wasn’t letting you go this time.

“Why are you training?” she bluntly said “What do you mean?” you snapped knowing very well what she meant, ever since that day your ankle had been hurting, but you had managed to hide it, until today, you had a slight limp, but you hoped no one noticed.

“Your ankle is hurt.” “No, it's not, I’m fine.” “Y/N,” “I’m fucking fine Alexia, what don’t you understand about that, estoy bien, is that better, do you understand now, can't you just leave me alone, that's all anyone has been doing for weeks.” Alexia was hurt, you had insinuated she was dump, but she wasn't going to continue pushing. she knew you didn't like talking about your emotions, they all did, but your last words repeated over in her head, was leaving you alone doing more harm than good, did you feel like you couldn't show emotion. She didn't know but she had just seen some sort of emotion from you, in your words and eyes, you had been aggressive and defensive, but your last words made her feel you were one trigger, one thing away from letting it all out.

____

It was only a week later when you were forced to show real and raw emotions again, there was a corner, and instead of Hannah Hampton’s glove hitting the ball she punched Lucy straight in the temple, causing the older women to fall to the ground with a thud, laying there lifeless, before she took studs to the shoulder as one of the Chelsea players stumbled backwards. She laid there lifeless blood pouring out of her, she couldn’t die, not this way, not the same way, your vision glazed over as the image of Lucy turned into your best friend, the sudden present of emotions choked you, the cries of the women met your ears again, the sirens, the paramedics, suddenly you couldn’t breath you had to get out of there, you ran, quickly, and found yourself hiding under a bench in the corner of the locker room, your were curled up as physically small as you could get, tears flooded out your eyes as you rocked, your hands squeezing the life from your legs, in an attempt to try and stay grounded.

Alexia had followed you, but she couldn't bring herself to moved further into the room, she just stood in the doorway not knowing what to do.

Ingrid came up behind her, informed her captain the game was abandoned, before the Norwegian women moved towards you and Alexia left, only to be greeted with all of her teammates standing in the hall, she was unsure of what to do, ever thankful that Emma offered they share the Chelsea showers, as quickly as possible your teammates came in collected all their things and quickly left, leaving just you and Ingrid in the room, the women had been trying to coax you out of your head and at least slightly back with her words, trying not to startle you, but it wasn’t working, she had no option but to place a very soft hand on your arm, which caused you to jump in sheer panic, you only ever so slightly opened a gap between your leg and arm to see who it was, but it was enough for Ingrid to see how much of a state you were in, your eyes wide open, pupils dilated in fear, tears streaming down your face.

Once you realised it was Ingrid, someone safe, someone soft, you immediately launched yourself at her, before yet again curling into the smallest ball you could in her lap, clutching at her jersey, which was quickly soaked from your tears, she held onto you tight, placing her chin on top of your head, rocking you softly as you continued to sob, as your body shook, as you were falling apart in her arms, and she was just glad someone was there when you did fall apart, her biggest fear the whole time had been what if someone wasn't there when you broke, when your heart cracked open, when the temporary tape that kept your heart together broke, but here she was, the tape had broken, causing your heart to shatter, and Ingrid was there to hold you. At some stage Mapi had come in, and sat next to Ingrid, she placed a cautious hand on your back and left it there, not moving it.

---

Your mouth started to fill with saliva, and your body rolled forward before you were met with a sour fluid in your mouth, Ingrid quickly moved a sick bag up to your mouth, and you spat out the bile before taking a small sip of water and resuming your tight ball, your eyes were still streaming, although your body had stopped shaking as much as it was. The two women resumed, their positions of just sitting there, in silence, with you, both knowing you would talk about it with time, both knowing you didn't want to be pushed, and you didn't want someone telling you it was okay, or that it would be okay because no one in life actually knew whether it would be okay or not. So they sat there with you, giving you the physical comfort and reassurance you needed, having no intention of moving until you wanted to.

---

“Go,” you said so quietly the two women barely registered it, you didn't know how long it had been, but you felt okay now, you felt ready to go and talk about it.

“Sure, you’re going to stay with us though okay,” you didn't say anything, just nodded, you were thankful you didn't have to go home to your cold apartment which was once filled with warmth from your best friend, the apartment that was once filled with laughter, once filled with joy. Ingrid lifted you up with her, and as you stood your ankle was throbbing, but it had been for the past week, what was different, however it was different when you took your first step towards the exit, a simple step caused so much pain, from one simple step your knee buckled under you as a shooting pain rose up your leg. Ingrid quickly wrapped a hand around your waist, steadying you.

“I-Ing, um, c-could we, p-pos-posibly g-go t-to the, the physios f-first?” you softly stuttered, she looked at you slightly bewilder that you had opened up so quickly about your ankle that everyone knew was hurt, the one that was clearly hurt the day Alexia called you out for it and you insisted you were fine, even though it was evident you weren't, both of them were concerned that it had somehow gotten worse in the past hour both just standing there not knowing what to do, “my-my an-ankle,” she nodded, and Mapi quickly moved ahead of you both to see if the Chelsea physios were still there and whether they could look at you or not.

“Our physios aren’t here, but the Chelsea physios are going to take care of you,” they looked over you, before getting an x-ray. “It's broken, but we are worried about ligament damage since it looks to be a stress fracture, she is going to need to get scans at the hospital,” your body stiffened at his words, as your eyes widen and you started trembling “no-no-no hospital,” you pleaded, “Can’t you just put her in a boot and give her crutches, other than possible surgery what else would they do different if it was ligaments too.” Ingrid tried to reason with them, “We can but there is a possibility that if we don’t do the scan on her ankle today she could have to have a bigger surgery and longer recovery, or will be in pain every time she plays forever” “Qué más va a hacer una semana o dos? ya ha pasado un mes” (What more is a week or two going to do. It has already been a month)

[strawberrysainz]

romanticism. charles leclerc

“ being charles leclerc’s assistant was a piece of work. you loved him though. ”

charles leclerc x reader

a warning — crude language, mentions of food, alcohol consumption, semi-mature scenes.

word count: 2.8k

“Do you want a biscuit?” He pointed to the box of red, racing-themed biscuits, mouth already full with one. “Please don’t tell anyone.” He added as an afterthought, and you snorted to yourself, setting down a notebook to take a gingerbread man decorated as him.

The instagram handle for the baker was loud and proud on the box, and you took a photo of the little Charles, making a note to post it later.

Qualifying hadn’t gone very well for Charles, hence the angry biscuit-eating. He’d ended up third, but an incident in the famous tunnel of the Principality had cost him three more places. His white suit was blinding in the tiny room, and his frustrated little huffs as he flung things this way and that made you slightly on edge.

You had been scrambling to catch up with him this season; you had been dealing with a family crisis until Miami, leaving Charles with some guy as his assistant for the past races. You had thought he was decent at first, but Charles was a precise guy; if he was relying on you to keep it together at work for him, then you’d better fucking do it the way he wanted. Even you didn’t mess with Charles on a race weekend. He was so nervous or upset or he was the happiest guy in the world - it didn’t matter, you just had to be consistent, comforting and take things as they went.

You swore he could’ve kissed you when you arrived on Monday.

But here you were on Saturday, still uneasy; Monaco had always freaked you out - you didn’t believe in the curse because Charles scorned it, but a part of you had anticipated that a stroke of bad luck would always have its way here. It was nine in the evening, and the crowds were still insane. You were prepared to walk back to your apartment at this point, even if it would take you about an hour with the blocked off roads. You handed Charles his clean clothes to change into after his shower, and you were about to go home for the night -

“Do you want to have dinner with me?”

You tilted your head. You knew Charles’ new girlfriend had arrived this morning, surely he’d do something with her?

He must’ve seen the look on your face, and his unsureness- the way he couldn’t believe what he were saying- made you embarrassed.

“No, it’s alright. Get a good night’s sleep. I’ll struggle to get back to mine anyway.” You said abruptly. “Must I make you an Instagram post while you’re in the shower?”

He nodded, unlocking his phone. You immediately went into Google Drive to get some pictures as he left, when a message from Alexandra came in.

You blanched; usually, bar your forgetfulness, you put the phone on the do not disturb function so that you didn’t see what he was getting sent- but the full stops and seriousness made you guiltily keep a finger on the notification.

You’re being ridiculous. I can’t give up my job to come cheer you on. I know it’s Monaco but I thought I made it clear. I can’t make it after all, C. My job is equally as important as yours. You’ll be fine.

You inhaled sharply; she was pissed. You thought she was reasonable, but you knew how much it meant to him to have people here; he struggled in Monaco, and even if he didn’t admit it he was so anxious to please.

I’m sure she’ll have a little fuckin hug and a kiss for you. I’m not a cheerleader, that’s her job, Charles. Watch her under the podium instead. Or maybe not after all- I saw you got P6

Talk tomorrow

Your eyes widened. Was she talking about you?

You were being too nosy. You selected the pictures and put them together, locking his phone on the caption section so he’d write what he’d like. As you opened the door to leave, he was there, his eyes meeting yours; and he must’ve known that you knew something because he lowered his gaze.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You said quietly, patting his arm. “Sleep well.”

There was a desperation in his tone when he asked you again to supper.

Well, how the fuck could you say no? He was clearly desperate.

“I’ll invite Joris and Lorenzo, and Arthur.” He said quickly, and you sighed; “The usual?” It was a little tapas restaurant 15 minutes away.

You closed the door then, confused, and walked away, opening your phone to call Joris for a lift.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

You were in the front seat surrounded by the familiar smell of Joris’ car; you two had become good friends- always together, waiting, working because of Charles.

You were busy typing about the gingerbread man when Joris asked you about the lack of Alex (Charles had probably been talking about her first Grand Prix together with him).

You paused. “They seem to be having some sort of rift. Not sure. Ask him.” You said shortly; you tried to stay out of his love life as much as you could. You’d liked his previous girlfriend to an extent, but the final events leading up to their breakup made it awkward for you to say goodbye. You tried desperately to be professional but at that point you were a really close friend of Charles’.

Joris nodded. You two did enjoy a paddock gossip now and again, but when it involved Charles alone you really weren’t into it.

You ended up taking longer to get to the restaurant because you made him stop at your house - you weren’t going to turn up in Ferrari gear - and showered, put new clothes on and sprinted back to his car in the drizzle.

Walking through the restaurant to your table in the corner, Joris was busy chattering on about the home GP content he was busy with; you were fiddling with your hair, your bracelets, your clothes, irritated to be there. Trying to be normal around Charles in non-work situations like he didn’t fucking employ you always stressed you out.

Not to mention he was being so awkward as of late.

You slid into the bench next to Lorenzo, giving him a warm pat on the arm as Joris sat on your other side. Charles was smiling at the sight of you - you greeted Arthur, and then him, and you were presented with some iced tea (no one drank next to Charles on a Saturday before the race).

You were lost in the conversation between Arthur and Charles (Arthur hadn’t done so well in F2 today either) when Lorenzo caught your attention.

“How are you?” You adored the way he spoke French; it was low and comfortable, in the kind of way that reminded you of a warm hug.

“Alright.” You said, giggling, and he nodded seriously. He knew about your stress - he’d never raced as intensely as his two brothers - and you’d always found him a comfort.

He was busy telling you about something - a trip with his girlfriend - when you heard the distress in Charles’ tone and turned to him. He was staring at the paella in front of him.

Joris was silent; Arthur just looked lost.

“What’s wrong?” You said quietly, and you noticed a few stubborn tears in his eyes that he was dying not to let fall.

“I’m just not feeling good about the race.” His tone was terribly melancholic, and you felt a bit frozen. “I- Cha-“

Lorenzo was stiff; you blinked.

Charles sat up straight. “It’s okay. Sorry.” His tone indicated no more talking about it, and Joris launched into a conversation about something, Arthur hurriedly joining in. You made eye contact with him sternly; we were talking about this later.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

Supper had come and gone, the bill had been paid, and you found yourself alone in Charles’ car at 10:53 pm on the way back to your apartment.

“Please come in.” You had said to him, after he refused to go home immediately to sleep; promising a cup of tea before he got home.

You had dropped your keys by the front door and entered, your cat greeting the two of you. “What’s wrong?” You said, starting the kettle with a tenderness in your tone you could never replicate with anyone else.

Charles was just sighing, complaining, choking with emotion as he spoke of his fears - dear God, he was struggling - you poured milk and sugar, biting a lip, and eventually it became too much that you brought him in for a tight hug in the light of your kitchen, a song playing in the corner.

You pulled away, and to your surprise he was looking into your eyes softly, a gentleness in his expression that freaked you out. You felt your body soften as his hand met your hip, and you knew, despite yourself, you could never refuse him.

“Cha…” you murmured, gaze on his lips. Holy shit, this was so wrong.

He let out a little sigh that had you going insane, and you turned around to fetch the tea, overwhelmed; this was the only way you could prevent whatever what was happening, not happen.

He murmured your name again, and you turned around slowly, guiltily watching his beautiful face, certain feelings you’d suffocated return just like that.

His hand met your arm, gentle pressure prompting you to put the tea down. You gasped quietly as his hand on your hip brought you together, eyes wide and wanting.

He met your lips with his, and it was like a wildfire that burned, bright and haunting, kissing you everywhere, his touch burning, thigh in between your legs, arms and hands touching you everywhere, you were gasping and he was moaning, the desire in the air thick, scary, and his facial hair tickled you in a delicious way that made you shiver, eyes lidded, dark, and suddenly he was moving to take his shirt off and you stepped back, terrified, lonely.

“Charles, you have a girlfriend.” You said lowly, hair messy. You noticed your lipstick all over his lips and face.

He looked scared of himself. “Fuck. I have to go. I need to sleep.”

“And talk to Alex.” You said, scaring yourself with the heaviness of your tone, and he was gathering his things, tea forgotten.

When he left, you waved him out, mouth wobbling, and you burst into tears after closing the door, clutching your mouth, your sobs shaking you, sinking down to the floor.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

You’d agreed to lift Joris the previous night, so you were glad to ditch seeing Charles until you really had to - an hour later, you walked into his driver’s room; he was doing some exercises with Andrea while the social media intern videoed him. You stayed out of sight of the camera, leaning against the wall, trying to distract yourself from the previous night’s events.

You were wearing more makeup than usual to hide your puffy eyes from the tears last night, determined to act as if nothing had happened. You really hated that Charles had cheated on his girlfriend with you; you could put it down to him being vulnerable, but you were at fault as much as he was.

When everyone had left, Charles was left on the couch staring sheepishly at you. You crossed your arms, an invisible ocean separating you two, you two continents.

“I told Alex.” He said calmly.

“And?”

“She said she can’t be with me if I’m not being faithful and she’s not there all the time. We’ve only been together three months. She’s not into it.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “It was my fault. I made a move when I wasn’t meant to. I’m sorry for putting you in that position.”

From the way he was moaning yesterday, you weren’t sure if that was true.

“Okay.” You snort, moving to open the door. “Driver’s parade in 20 minutes. I’ll see you later?”

He nodded, waving a goodbye as you left.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

P6, like he started.

It was consistent, Joris had joked in your ear as you shook your head, trying not to laugh. He’d had a pretty good race, the team hadn’t fucked up, it was just the way it went.

He had been busy with press and much more before he ended up back with Andrea where you and Joris had been waiting for about three hours (you were also a bit drunk; you’d had too many glasses of champagne from Paddock Club).

“Hi!” You giggled, high-fiving him. “Good job.” Joris also cackled, and Charles shot you a glare. “Are you drunk?”

“No.” You said firmly, shaking your head. “I am very sober.” You said, and Joris nodded seriously. “We had a little bit of champagne.”

Andrea gestures to the bottle that was on the table beside you. “What’s that?”

“For Cha! A well done.” You beamed, and presented it to him. Charles couldn’t help but laugh. “I am going to have to drive you two back in her car, no? Put my bicycle in the back.”

You and Joris were squealing with laughter at the idea, and the two standing before you were laughing at you.

“Come, you fucking idiots.”

“No! You can’t insult me, you kiiiiissssed me,” you giggled, and Joris didn’t catch it, but Andrea did, shooting Charles a glare, who if looks could kill, would’ve shot you dead. He looked so pissed.

“Come,” he snapped, and Andrea said that he’d take Joris.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

He pulled up to your apartment. “Come in.” You said, and Charles scoffed. “Not for a long time now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You looked so vulnerable, rain falling on your head as you peered down at him. “Are you taking my car? I’ll come fetch it tomorrow.” You said softly. “Thanks for taking me. I’m sorry, I was stupid. I needed to relax for one fucking minute this week.”

Charles’ eyes softened, and he opened his mouth to say something before he closed it, nodding curtly, and drove away.

You couldn’t differentiate the raindrops from your tears, forcefully wiping them away.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

You knocked on his door at midday the next afternoon, wanting to thank him before flying to Spain. You hated the energy he’d given you since you’d kissed; it was wildly different and you loathed it.

He answered a minute or so later, glasses on and a scruffy jumper, eyes tired. “Hi,” you were out of breath all of a sudden; he was so terribly attractive.

He looked surprised to see you. “I came to say thank you. And get my keys.”

“Come in. Do you want coffee?” He said instead, and you felt a bit of déjà vu from two nights before, hauntingly familiar.

You loved his apartment. The red and white was a colour scheme you adored, and you sat on the sofa while he made you a coffee, one spoon of sugar and a splash of milk just how you liked.

“I want to say sorry for how weird I was this week. I just hate the Grand Prix in Monaco, you know?” You said hurriedly, and he set down the coffee, sitting down next to you. He laughed. “I know. I know.” It had been this way since 2021- when you had started working for him- and he kept having shit races here.

He held out his hand. You squeezed it. “Let’s move on from it.”

He smirked. “Am I such a bad kisser?”

Your jaw dropped, throwing your head back laughing. “Cha!”

He was dead serious. “Why do you want to move on?”

“I work for you?” You said, disbelievingly, and his mouth twitched. “Charles, come on.”

He picked up the mug and took a sip.

You quite literally wanted to die.

He set it down again, looking seriously at you. “I don’t regret the kiss, if you want to know.”

You stare at him. “It literally broke you and your girlfriend up.”

“I like you.” He shrugged. “More than her. More than I thought.”

You laugh, bringing the coffee to your lips. “And when I saw your lipstick on my face…” he trailed off, blushing, “Fuck.”

You swear you were as red as a mother fucking tomato at this point.

“Slow down.” You retorted, trying not to spit the coffee out.

“Kiss me.”

You stare at him again. Was he fucking delusional?

“What?” You hiss.

He rolls his eyes and kisses you.

You’re pulled onto his lap, breath gone, kissing him as hard as you can. Your head is thrown back as he goes for your neck, and the sounds he’s making make you moan.

“You’re really hot with glasses on,” you tell him, and he falters, giggling, before carrying on.

This time you let him take his shirt off, matching him.

You fall back onto the couch. Those eyes on yours, the eyes of your beautiful boy.

❤️‍🔥💿💌🍓

yourinstagram

liked by charles_leclerc, isahernaez and 9,876 others

thank you, monaco 💋💋

view all comments (456)

lorenzotl Padel boyssss

user i wish I had your job girl

carlossainz55 Please give me a shirt @charles_leclerc

maisonde.monaco ❤️‍🔥💋

user So glad to see you back in the paddock again!!

thanks for reading bestie ❤️‍🔥

masterlist

[gunnerfc]

Private Celebrations | Aitana Bonmatí x Barça!Reader (18+)

summary: you celebrate your girlfriend winning the Ballon d'Or privately

wc: 3018

warning: bottom!aitana, top!reader, fingering, praising, light teasing, oral (sorta?)

a/n: 18+ only! minors DNI! & all translations from google! 

-> also, ignore the actual rankings of everyone but Aitana! Reader comes in 2nd here!

In the days leading up to the Ballon d’Or ceremony, Aitana refused to let you see the dress she would be wearing. She didn’t want to ruin the surprise of her outfit, knowing the effect it would have on you. While the two of you weren’t public about your relationship, you still wanted to match her dress subtly in your own outfit, so the only bit of information you got from the midfielder was that her dress was black and a bit of a sparkling element.

On the short flight from Spain to France, you were nonstop trying to get Aitana to show you her dress that was neatly hung up in the private plane you and your Barça teammates were on. Each time you asked, you were met with a small smirk and a “you have to wait, mi amor.” You groaned each time she said that, the suspense was driving you crazy.

When the plane touched down in France, you were ecstatic because it meant everyone would be headed straight to the hotel to get ready. You had already planned to get ready in the same room as Aitana so you were surprised when the midfielder refused to let you into the room, telling you to get ready in the same room as Mapi and Frido. Your pleas fell on deaf ears as Aitana ignored you, which earned you some laughter from Mapi as she pulled you into her room.

Aitana was the last to be ready, you and your teammates stood in the hallway waiting for the midfielder to join you. The door to your soon-to-be shared hotel room opened and you felt your breath hitch seeing Aitana’s dress. Your eyes immediately focused on the sheerness of the top of her dress that covered her collarbones and down her arms. The sounds of Patri and Salma whistling at your girlfriend’s outfit were tuned out when Frido shook her finger signaling your girlfriend to do a spin.

The sheer fabric continued halfway down her back and you now understood why she wanted to wait to show you. The two of you locked eyes once Aitana was facing you again but you were still in your thoughts to focus on what anyone was saying. It wasn’t until Mapi walked past you with a smirk on her face saying “no atrapar moscas (don’t catch flies)” that you realized your jaw had dropped.

You ignored the defender, waiting for your teammates to pass you so you could walk alongside Aitana. You reached out to hold her hand as you followed the group towards the elevator, trying to refocus on the event you were heading to.

“¿Te gusta el vestido, mi amor? (do you like the dress, my love?),” Aitana teased, a small smirk gracing her face, thrilled that she succeeded in making you speechless. 

You turned your attention to her as you waited for the elevator to arrive on your floor, taking a deep breath as you looked her up and down. “Te ves hermosa, cariňo, (you look beautiful, darling)” you whispered as you leaned closer to her ear. A light blush coated her cheeks just as the elevator arrived. 

The ride down to the lobby was quiet, with no one having anything to say. When you arrived at the lobby, the players from the men’s team along with the higher-ups for Barcelona were waiting for you all to arrive so you could take the same shuttle to the venue. You and Aitana were the last to take a seat, the midfielder pulled your hand to rest on her thigh as you did so. You gave her leg a light squeeze as the shuttle driver started driving. 

With Aitana looking as great as she did and the extremely high odds that she would be leaving France with a Ballon d’Or, you knew you were going to have a fun night.

As the shuttle driver pulled into the venue, your closeness with Aitana would have to cease, wanting to keep your relationship private a bit longer. When the driver came to a stop, you helped Aitana step out of the vehicle and let your teammates act as a divider between you so you wouldn’t be tempted to be overly touchy.

The Barcelona plates quickly took pictures on the red carpet before being ushered into the building and those nominated for the Ballon d’Or were taken backstage. You made small talk with some of your fellow nominees while waiting for your cue to walk onstage as part of recognition for those who were nominated and present. 

After the nominees were introduced, you all quickly found your seats so the actual award show could begin. With being seated next to Aitana, you had to fight the urge to hold her hand, and seeing as though you were in the front row, the chances of the camera panning to you were extremely high. 

The non-Ballon d’Or awards and the rankings for those who did not make the top three went by quickly and soon enough it was time for the women’s Ballon d’Or to be announced. Your name along with Aitana and Sam Kerr’s were the only three not called yet, so you knew you were making the top three, you just didn’t know if it would be second or third. You knew Aitana was winning and you were beyond happy for your girlfriend. 

You resisted rolling your eyes when Novak Djokovic walked out on stage as the announcer for the award, a bit confused as to why he was the one to present the award. Your eyes focused on the images of you alongside Aitana and Sam were projected onto the screens on stage, waiting with bated breath for Aitana’s name to be called.

“Women’s Ballon d’Or 2023 goes to….. Aitana Bonmatí,” Djokovic read from the card in his hand. You fought the urge to show just how happy you were for Aitana, instead opting to join in on the round of applause she was receiving from the crowd. 

Aitana gave you a quick look, a nervous smile on her face before she made her way up the stairs. You watched as she received the trophy, a bright smile gracing your features. Aitana stood on stage answering questions from the host and every so often looking in your direction when she felt nervous. You sent her a look of encouragement and love each time, the pride you felt for her was overwhelming. 

Once she was finished on stage and returned back to her seat, you leaned in a bit closer but still further than you normally would be to whisper “estoy tan orgullosa de ti bebe (I'm so proud of you, baby).” Aitana sent you a quick smile, mouthing “gracias.”

You didn’t care to pay attention to Messi winning his award, not because you didn’t like him but because you were ready for the show to be over so you could celebrate Aitana, in private. You knew with Aitana winning you would have to wait a bit longer to leave, she would have to do some press and have some pictures taken. 

You opted to wait for her to finish, telling your teammates that you didn’t want to leave her to have to return to the hotel alone. You watched with a proud smile as Aitana posed with her trophy and answered questions from journalists, but you still wanted her to hurry so you could show her just how proud you were.

You were the last two players from Barcelona waiting to leave, standing near the exit waiting for the shuttle drive to return to pick you up. There were still people bustling around you but a small part of you didn’t care if they saw how you were looking at Aitana. The look in your eye was familiar to Aitana, she could sense you were ready to be back at the hotel and why.

Neither of you spoke as you entered the shuttle but your hand once again fell to the midfielder’s thigh, holding on to it tightly. Aitana’s hand fell on top of yours, wanting a bit more physical contact. The Ballon d’Or trophy had been given back to the staff so they could have it engraved with Aitana’s name and then mailed protectively to the club in Spain. The drive back to the hotel seemed like it took forever, despite only being a few minutes away. 

Once you arrived, you both said a quick ‘thank you’ to the driver as you exited the vehicle. Your hand didn’t find Aitana’s until you were safely in the elevator, giving it a tight squeeze as the elevator doors closed. Once they did, you turned and pulled Aitana to face you, leaning in for a heated kiss. 

Aitana’s free hand moved to hold on to the back of your neck while yours fell to her waist, pulling her closer to your body. Your lips worked against each other until you felt the elevator come to a stop as you reached your floor. You both rushed through the doors and down the hallway to your room.

You rushed to slide the key card into the slot on the door to let you both in, Aitana quickly following. The moment you were both inside the hotel room, you had Aitana pinned against the door. Your mouth met hers in a searing kiss once again, this time your tongues explored each other's mouth. 

Aitana's hands had a tight grip on your shoulders, yours having a similar hold on her hips. You pulled away from her mouth, trailing small kisses along her jaw and down her neck. Aitana's head was thrown back against the door to give you better access to her neck. You sucked dark marks wherever you could, pulling small whines from the midfielder.

"Tienes que estar callada, bebetia (you have to be quiet, baby)," you whispered, pulling away from her neck. "No quiero que todo el piso te escuche (don’t want the whole floor to hear you)," you smirked, knowing your girlfriend wasn't the quietest person in bed. 

Aitana fought back a moan at your words but gave you a small nod. You moved from your spot in front of her, leading her further into the room. You quickly removed your shoes, kneeling to take off Aitana's shoes. The sight of you on your knees in front of her made Aitana's head spin. 

You stood up, turning her around to unzip her dress. As the fabric peeled away from her body, you left small nips along her spine until you reached the end of the zipper. Standing fully, you push the sheer fabric off of Aitana's shoulders. You took a step around her so you were face to face again, as you watched the dress that drove you crazy the whole night fall to the ground. 

Your eyes took their time scanning up and down Aitana’s bare body, swallowing as you locked eyes with her. You watched her take her hair out of the bun it was in, her hair falling down her shoulders. You quickly got undressed, the urgency you felt earlier once again filling your body.

Once you were both bare, you pulled Aitana into another kiss, your hands roaming all across her body. You paused when you reached her chest, both hands palming at her breasts. Aitana moaned into the kiss, pulling away with a whine. 

You redirected both of you to the bed, pushing Aitana to lay on her back with her head resting on the pillows at the head of the bed. You hovered above the midfielder, smirking down at her. You leaned down to press quick kisses down her neck, continuing down to the center of her chest. 

“Estoy muy orgullosa de ti, niña bonita (so proud of you, pretty girl),” you whispered into her skin in between kisses. Above you, Aitana whined as her nails dug into your back. 

“por favor,” Aitana mumbled as you continued leaving kisses on her skin. “no te burles (don’t tease),” she continued with a shaky breath.

You gave her a quick glance as you latched onto one of her breasts, sucking harshly on her nipple. Aitana’s back arched, essentially pushing her chest further into your face. You sucked on the hardened bud for a few more seconds before pulling away, a string of saliva still connected to Aitana’s breast. You moved to give the other the same treatment, a loud moan falling from Aitana’s lips.

You pulled away from her chest altogether, your eyes darkening as you watched her chest move up and down with her labored breathing. You moved back down to trail kisses down her torso, alternating the kisses with small nips to her skin. Aitana’s hands moved from your back to your hair, trying to push you where she needed you most.

You chuckled at your girlfriend’s eagerness, put quickened your peace. After all, you were celebrating her. Face to face with her center, you could see just how wet she already was.

“apenas te he tocado, bebita (i’ve barely touched you, babygirl),” you grinned, proud of yourself for getting her so worked up so easily. 

Aitana didn’t give you a verbal response, instead, she tightened her grip on your hair, begging for you to do anything. You decided to put the midfielder out of her misery as you brought your left hand up to her thigh, pushing her legs apart to give you a better view. Your mouth watered as the sight of your girlfriend spread open for you.

You brought your right hand to your mouth, sucking on your two middle fingers to wet them before pushing them into your girlfriend. Aitana moaned loudly at the feeling of your fingers inside her, even though you hadn’t moved them yet. You waited a second before you started moving your fingers in and out of Aitana’s soaking core. The only sounds in the room were Aitana’s panting and the sound of your fingers thrusting into your girlfriend. 

You looked up from the bottom of the bed, groaning at the sight of Aitana. Her head was thrown back against the pillows and her hands now holding onto the comforter on the bed. Aitana’s back was arched as her hips were attempting to meet the thrust of your fingers.

You were determined to give Aitana one of the best orgasms yet. You focused your eyes on her clit, your mouth leaving small kisses to the bud. Aitana gasped at the contact, her hips bucking forward as you made contact.

Your left hand was still firmly placed on Aitana's hip, holding her open while her right leg was now thrown over your shoulder. Your mouth sucked harshly on her clit, switching between sucking and nipping at her sensitive bud. Your two middle fingers continued to thrust in and out of her dripping center. 

You looked up from your spot between her legs, locking eyes with the midfielder and while she couldn't see your smirk, she felt it. Aitana's eyes rolled as her back arched once again, a loud moan spilling from her lips, and a string of slurred curses followed. 

You sped up your fingers as best you could, the tightness making it hard to move.  Your grip on her hip tightened in a squeeze, more loud moans falling from Aitana's mouth. You'd given up on her being quiet, but if you were honest, you didn't care. You loved hearing how loud you made your girlfriend when you were pleasuring her.

“y/n..” Aitana whined, her voice already sounding hoarse from moaning so loud. “Por favor,” a strained beg fell from her lips.

You felt Aitana’s body falter, she was close to the edge. Your mouth worked faster on her clit as your fingers pushed deeper into her core. You pulled your mouth away from her clit with a loud pop and Aitana cried out at the loss of contact as she was so close.

“Vamos bebé, ven para mí (c’mon on baby, cum for me),” you nodded up at Aitana, smirking when you met her eyes.

Aitana came with a loud moan, her body shaking from the orgasm. You kept your fingers moving, slowing down as you helped the midfielder come down from her high. You pulled your fingers out of her core, moving them to your mouth. You maintained eye contact with Aitana as you sucked your fingers, your turn to moan as you tasted your girlfriend. 

Aitana watched as you cleaned your fingers, feeling herself getting even wetter at the sight. You pulled your fingers from your mouth, moving your body to once again hover over your girlfriend’s small frame.

Aitana’s right hand moved to the back of your neck to pull you into a deep kiss, moaning as she tasted herself on your lips. Your mouths move against each other as you feel her rock her body up into yours. You softly laughed into the kiss, knowing your girlfriend had more than one orgasm to give you. 

“Estoy muy orgulloso de ti, Tana (i’m so proud of you, tana),” you cooed, your eyes filled with love. “Te amo mucho, bebita,” you whispered as you leaned down to kiss her again, this kiss much more softer than than the previous kisses.

“Yo tambien te amo, mi cariňo (i love you too, my darling),” Aitana croaked out after you pulled away, her voice clearly affected by the loud moans that left her mouth. 

“Una mas (one more)?” your look of love was replaced by the need to make Aitana cum again. 

You spent the rest of the night pleasuring your girlfriend, pulling more than just one more orgasm from her. Her body was littered with dark bruises from your mouth and her voice was raspy the morning after. You laughed at the teasing comments your teammates threw your way when you were all on the private jet, though Aitana’s face was bright red hearing the jokes your teammates made. You didn’t care, you were happy to have shown Aitana a fraction of how proud you were of her achievements.

[soxcietyy]

So I was thinking about virgin Y/n begging experienced Gojo to do it with her after he refused many times not wanting to rush her into things she could regret later on but then after she begged and begged he ended up fucking her at the edge of the bed forcing her to look in the mirror how he fucks her, with lots of praising.

Please?!

Gojo x virgin reader

First time writing on Gojo sooo here we go.

"Please?!"

"No."

"Please?!"

"No."

"Pleaseeeee?!"

"Since you put it that way I guess I’ll still say no. What’s up with you? Your being so persistent about something we’ve talked about before. Your not ready y/n" he said as he slouched onto the couch.

You decide to sit next to him with a disappointed look on your face. So he could see how much his answer affected you. It’s been 7 month of you guys dating and you still had yet to get some action.

You curse yourself for ruining your opportunity the first time. It was when you guys where two months in and he had you on his bed. You guys were kissing and taking his clothes off first because you were too embarrassed to do it first. You were so nervous that in the middle of making out you blurted out that fact that you were a virgin. His eyes widened at your response and he got off of you immediately, nothing ever happened after.

You didnt understand why that happened. Other people told you how much of a whore your boyfriend was before dating you and that he would sleep with anyone that caught his eye. Now he decided to be a saint and go months without doing it. You could remember googling if being a virgin was bad. How to seduce your boyfriend into doing it with you. Is my boyfriend broken?

You didn’t really gain much information with that last one.

You lay on his lap defeated. You laid down facing him so he could see how sad you were from the answer he just gave you. Were you meant to die a virgin? Looking up at him you could see how his pupils moved around from watching tv.

"Gojo please? Iv heard it’s bad for a guy to be pent up like that." You say.

He looks down at you with a smile,"thank you for your concern but I’m fine trust me." He said.

Maybe it was time you try to seductively win him over. You remember everything that Reddit post said about doing it. You just gotta look hot and do sexual things. When you thought about the example you’ve read your face turned red. How in the world do they think your going to put his fingers in your mouth so you can suck on them?! This was to embarrassing and scandalous. You cover your face not wanting to think about it anymore. You could also feel his gaze on you as he watched you.

Fuck it you’ll just suck him off. You took a deep breath before quickly unzipping his pants and unbuttoned it. He froze at your sudden antics and sighed as he tried to stop you. You pushing his hands away thought and got him member out of his pants. It was as big as you remember it being.

"Whenever your done doing whatever this is can you please put it back?" He raised a brow.

You shrug and put the tip in your mouth making him jump. "Hey get it out of your mouth." He says trying to push you off of him. You refused and went as deep as you could. To the point of your eyes watering and your mouth feeling so full that you gagged.

"You realize your less than halfway right?" He said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

He didn’t know weather to feel second hand embarrassment or surprise by your willingness.

"You know what fine, I’ll give you what you want but just know I’m not going to go easy on you. I keep telling you your not ready and you don’t listen. If you won’t listen to me then I won’t listen when your crying later." He said standing up and carrying you into his room over him shoulder.

Finally, this was a win for you. Your finally managed to convince him to do it with you!

He laid you on the bed and began to take his clothes off. When he finished he turned to you and began to take your shirt off. You gasp remembering that you haven’t even been fully naked in front of him. He slowly took them off as he buried his eyes onto your skin. Looking at everything he hasn’t seen before. You felt so exposed nervous at the same time. Looking at body you admired how it was built. As if he were an god or something. Your eyes narrow down to his member and you notice something. Did it get bigger?!

"Don’t get all shy on me now." He cooes as he easily read you. your try to hide your breast from him since he was starting to stare daggers into them.

He leans in and kisses you passionately as he removes your hands and puts them on your side. He kissed you so desperate that it was hard to keep up with him. His tongue in your mouth as he explored everything. You didn’t seem to notice that he was taking your bottoms off since he was keeping your attention somewhere else. When you did notice you jump.

"Wait! This is too fast no?" You say pushing his face away.

"We would of been doing the deed by now if it wasn’t for you dragging things on like this." He said as he slipped your bottoms off in one go.

Your hand immediately moves to cover yourself but by the time you almost reach it Gojo is already eating you out. You throw your head back at the weird sensation. This isn’t okay right? Like is he even supposed to be doing that? You squirm feeling how the tongue moved inside of you.

"Du chu ike at?" You hear him say as he ate you out.

You looked at him confused not begging able to understand a word. He emerges from inbetween your legs and shoved two finger in you making you gasp.

"I said, do you like that?" He smirked at you as he started to curl his fingers inside of you repeatedly.

"Stop doing that and put it in my already!" You furrow your brow.

"Your no fun," he exhaled deeply as he sat In front of you and spread your legs wide.

You once again cover your face from embarrassment. You could feel how he shoved around to a position. You couldn’t help but be scared. You’ve been told that losing your virginity can be so painful while others say that it didn’t hurt at all. Hopefully it was going to be painless. Your attention was brought back by him rubbing his member up and down your cunt. Smacking it a few times on you making you jump.

Clearly he was taunting you and trying to see if you tapped out last minute. You take a deep breath as you mentally prepared yourself. There’s no way your backing out now. You feel how the tip of his member was slowly pushed in. Nothing bad until he continues to go in. It felt like he was going to rip you apart.

"Wait! Wait! Wait! It hurts!" You tell as you started pushing him back with your leg.

You could hear him chuckle as he grabbed your foot that you placed on his chest to force him back.

"Y/n, I said I wasn’t going to go easy on you." He pushes your leg down to your chest.

Your eyes widen realizing this wasn’t going to be as easy as you initially thought it would be. He continued to slide in as you frantically try to stop him. Your begging him to stop and to go slower.

"Gojo, please it hurts so bad! I can’t, I can’t!" You say as tears appear in the corner of your eyes.

He leans into you and caresses your chin as he whispered into your ear.

"Be a good girl and take me. This is what you’ve been begging for no? I’m giving it to you so how about a thank you?" He said as he leaned back.

He mouthed 'thank you' to you as a way for you to do what he said.

You shake your head not wanting to do something like that. You could see a devilish grin form on his face as he began to press into you again. The same burning and painful sensation started again.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" You yell hoping it would stop him and that it did.

"You know the best way to get me all the way inside with only a bit of pain?" He asks you.

You look at him hoping for a good resolution to this.

"It’s distraction, so I’m going to try to distract you as I go inside of almost like this!" He finished his sentence as he rams into you.

Your body lurched from the pain and you let out a loud cry. That had to be one of the most painful experiences in your life. Tears began to fall from your eyes from the pain.

"Aw my poor sugar cube don’t cry. I know it hurts a lot but I needed to get inside. Right now your insides are getting used to me so just relax. You did such a good job." He said as he ran his fingers on your shaking thigh.

You nod at him as you wipe your tears away. It took a bit for your body to get kind of used to him. When he noticed he he slid out and turned you around. He told you to get on fours and to look at yourself in the mirror.

"I think iv been pretty patient with you so it’s my turn to have fun okay? Be a good girl and no cryin" he kisses you on the head.

Once again he slid inside of you fully making you want to cry again. You see as he shook his finger at you telling you not to cry. You shut your eyes and fight off the tears. Once he decided to move he slid out and slammed into you fully. Your jaw drops a bit from the sudden unfamiliar feeling. This was something new to you. A feeling that made you feel a way you couldn’t describe. He did it a few times before saying something.

"That’s it huh? That’s your sweet spot. Found it faster than I thought I would. Now we can have real fun." He smiles.

He grabs you by the hips and digs deep into your cunt making you moan. He rolled his over and over again.

"Such a good girl, this is what you wanted huh?" He praised you.

He grabbed you by the hair making you look straight in the mirror as he pushed you down. He made sure your ass was still up as he pounded you forcefully.

"Gonna make you into such a whore for my cock only." He groans as your walls tighten.

He pounded you so aggressively that you gripped on the bed sheets and let out whimpers. He forced you to look at how me drilled your virgin hole with no mercy. The wet sounds filling your ears as he continued.

"I feel weird Gojo, ah! Something feels really off." You moan.

"Fuck, your gonna come huh? Be a good girl and come all over my cock. I want you to leave a mess on it." He says as he doesn’t stop. He pushed your head down as he went in you harder. Your legs began to shake as you orgasmed. Tears began to fall as you finished so hard. The sensation was something so amazing. You couldn’t move from the after math of it. You felt so weak and out of energy.

"Common get back up, i haven’t finished yet."

[dumbkiri]

𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕎𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝔾𝕠𝕛𝕠 𝕊𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕦 『3』

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ: ꜱᴛᴀʏ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛɪꜰᴜʟ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴɪᴍᴇ ꜱ2

The night of the Shibuya Incident has pushed [Name] to do the extreme; consuming Nami's soul to inherit the full power of blessed energy. Everyone will feel her presence even the King of Curses, Sukuna.

Leave a request in my inbox, comment down below for more! Also if you see misspelled names like Kenjaku...take it up with Google.

“Good morning, pretty girl.” 

The sun’s bright light was the thing to actually wake her up besides the voice of her loved one. His voice was so soothing and his smile could rival the stars twinkling at night. 

“Come on, open your eyes and let’s get our day started.” 

His warm touch sent shivers down her arms as he caressed her shoulder blades. He fixed the loose strap of her shirt  hanging off her shoulder back into place. Then she felt her small bed dip knowing that he was sitting next to her slumped body. 

“One of your rose bushes-”

“What’s wrong with them?” [Name] jumped out of her bed wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. She didn’t even bother to brush her messy hair, instead she bolted to her closest and put some sandals on in a hurry. 

“One of your rose bushes is blooming faster than the others.” 

The male teen on her bed finished with a jesting smile on his handsome face. With this information, [Name] pouted and said to her friend, “Suguru, that was really messed up. You made me worried there.” 

“So worried that you jumped up to examine your rose bushes rather than getting ready for the mission we are sent on?” Suguru asked and pushed himself off her bed. He walked over to her and brushed her hair down to make it look somewhat presentable. 

Then someone else barged into her dorm with a loud greeting, “Good morning, earth worm! It’s time to go on a mission with your best friends!” 

[Name] yawned and stretched her arms out, “Ah~ Good morning, Toru!” Then she focused back on the black haired male, “I’ll meet you guys out there, I need to prepare some tea for us and we’ll be on our way.” 

She made her way to her closet and picked out her uniform while Suguru pushed Satoru out of her bedroom. Her door closes with a soft click and their footsteps fading away. [Name] looked at the closed door and sighed, “Geez, there’s different ways to wake me up. Next time they barge in, gimme some flower seeds or something.” 

……

“It’s been awhile, pretty girl.” 

Pretty girl…[Name]’s eyes blurred with sad tears and her hands trembled by her sides. Suguru Geto was standing right in front of her as well as a captured Satoru Gojo. 

“Not going to greet me back? Did you forget who I am?” 

She looked at Satoru and he stared back at her in clear surprise. He didn’t think she could actually cross the veils that blocked other sorcerers out. Sure, she had blessed energy, but only he was allowed in. Her blessed energy really defied all odds against her. This is what she meant back then when she spoke about her unique technique.

[Name] swallowed the lump in her throat and she wiped her tears away with a shaky breath. She had to pull this off, her domain expansion could save these people still. With Nami’s soul combining with hers, she had every ability inherited. Including the Domain Expansion: Heavenly Garden which can only be casted by Nami. 

It completely erases cursed energy from anyone captured in it. It heals all afflictions and wounds; internal, physical and mental. It makes every negative emotion disperse and is replaced by kindness for everyone. 

That being said, if the cursed spirits get captured in it, they immediately perish. 

“Su..Suguru…” [Name] stopped crying and her act of benevolence made Satoru worry for her,“I can never forget you.” She removed her hands away from her eyes and she stamped a smile on her face, a chuckle of relief heard from her. 

“You should know that I consumed Nami’s soul to save my husband and the people in Shibuya. I am granting you this fair warning, Suguru. If you are caught in my domain expansion, you along with-”

“Boo!” The cursed spirit known as patchface appeared from behind [Name] and he jumped right at her without taking her warning from earlier seriously. She stated that she consumed Nami’s soul meaning she has complete control over the blessed energy Nami was providing her with. 

But she didn’t want to dispose of this curse yet. She wanted to speak to it first and then kill him for good. With incredible speed and strength that matched Sukuna’s, [Name] spun around and smacked Mahito’s hand away from her face.

“Get away from her, Mahito!” Suguru shouted, he didn’t want to lose Mahito. His technique was valuable!

[Name] smacked her right palm into Mahito’s face then slammed his whole body onto the floor with a neutral look on her face. “So you do have a name,” [Name] hummed and began squeezing his face in her grasp, “but why should I care? The people you killed had names, families, lives to live at their own will. You killed them all for the sake of fun, didn’t you?” 

Mahito was struggling to get out of her hold. His legs kicked haphazardly underneath her body and he squirmed like a worm.  “I don’t like seeing people around me suffer, not even a curse like you. But you caused suffering for my favorite student. You laughed in his face in his tormented moment.”

Jogo took a step forward to the woman and Mahito, ready to help the childish cursed spirit. Yet Kenjaku stuck his hand out and instructed the hothead to stay in place. He spoke with his face scrunching up in anger, “We don’t stand a chance against her. Mahito is finished and we need to leave.” 

[Name] heard the rising anger in that spirit that took over her loved one’s body and she crushed Mahito’s head with ease. Mahito was successfully terminated, never coming back into this world. “I was going to have fun tormenting him, Suguru~” [Name] softly sang and pushed herself off of Mahito’s disintegrating body. 

Jogo watched in fear as he saw no blood around her hand or the existence that Mahito was there. Instead Mahito was gone without a trace. “Oh?” [Name] wiped the dust off her beige slack and rolled the sleeves of her [f.color] cardigan up to her elbows, “Don’t tell me you don’t know how blessed energy works.”

“W-what did you do to him?” Jogo stuttered out and took one step back. 

[Name] kept her straight face and sighed, “I got rid of him for good. When a curse is exorcized by me, they don’t come back at all. Your friend, Mahito has been on my list for a long time and he really thought he could fight me.  A foolish mistake, don’t you think, Suguru?” 

Kenjaku’s eyes narrowed a bit and he looked over at Gojo to see the blue eyed male have a smirk on his face. This whole situation was getting out of hand. 

“Gate: Close.”

“Satoru!” [Name] shouted in surprise of her husband getting sealed. A bouquet of flowers appeared in her right hand and she threw it at the white haired male. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She cursed herself for prolonging the conversations, her first priority should have been Satoru. 

Another person woke up from the trance of Infinite Void and [Name] had no choice, but to flee. She could exorcise them all in Heavenly Garden, although her body was getting extremely exhausted. From consuming Nami, to getting here and passing through the veils that wanted her out, to killing Mahito. She didn’t let herself rest after binding her soul to a goddess. 

“Blessed: Sun’s Warmth,” [Name] casted out her technique and each non-sorcerer was enveloped in a golden bubble of protection. “I’m coming back for him, fake.” [Name] declared and with that all the bubbles that had the entranced people in them popped. The humans were gone as well as the reborn goddess, Nami. 

“I’m going to find Sukuna’s vessel and give him the rest of the fingers,” Jogo looked up at Kenjaku and before the black haired male could respond, the prison realm slammed itself on the train platform. 

“It seems the prison realm is still trying to figure out what Gojo Satoru is. We’re lucky [Name] didn’t stay long enough to see this.” 

“Don’t you mean, Nami?” Jogoi questioned and watched Choso leave the floor. He knew he was also after Sukuna’s vessel, but only to kill him. 

Kenjaku shook his head and plopped himself on the floor next to the box, “No,  I mean, [Name]. She ate the flower that held Nami’s soul and usually the stronger one, which would be Nami, would be in control of the body. Yet [Name] continues to surpass her limits and consume Nami’s soul, taking all of the blessed power for herself. She’s now the Goddess of the Flowers.” 

“Well this is just great! We need to get Sukuna to do something about her! She’s going to-”

Kenjaku chuckled and stared at the box, “What makes you think Sukuna wants to get rid of Nami?” 

“Huh, but you said that Nami wasn’t-”

“I did say that Nami was gone, but Sukuna will be fooled by her god-like presence inside of [Name]. And being the pretty girl she is, [Name] is going to fool Sukuna like she fooled me. She knew I wasn’t Suguru Geto the entire time. Those tears were just for show to catch us off guard.” 

Jogo became his usual grouchy self and slouched some more, “Why do you keep calling that woman, pretty girl?” 

Kenjaku shrugged his shoulders with that same smile on his face, “Force of habit!” 

…..

Meanwhile Satoru was in the realm sitting on top of bones with a smile on his face. He plucked a petal of the rose and dropped it on his tongue. This bouquet [Name] threw at him was grown by blessed energy and he was eating it like it was normal. 

“Satoru, you have to try this for me, please!” 

[Name] ran into the house with a giant grin on her face. A rose was in her hand free of thorns and it looked super pretty. He could have sworn it sparkled under the kitchen light. 

“[Name], it’s two in the morning. Are you seriously gardening right now?” He chuckled and took the rose from her excited hands. 

“I waited for you to come home and your mission took longer than it normally does. Anyways, my project is finished! I can now give people a bit of blessed energy! Girls, come in!” [Name] walked down the hallway and pushed her small servant girls into the kitchen. 

“Don’t tell me you force fed them petals,” Satoru laughed again and set the rose onto the kitchen counter. 

With a roll of her eyes, [Name] presented the six year olds and instructed Satoru to take his blindfold off. “Okay I did anyways, can you tell the difference between the girls?” She asked in anticipation and Satoru hummed as his six eyes took in the energy around the trio. 

“Wow,” He whispered and he crouched down to be their height, “Why does the middle one have more of a range and it’s thicker than the other two?” The blessed energy around the middle one was amazing to see especially since she isn’t a part of the [L.Name] Clan. 

“Because she ate three flowers! And this was from yesterday’s lunch!” [Name] jumped in the air with joy. After years of trying to experiment on blessed energy and trying to protect her peers, she finally succeeded.  Satoru was super proud of her for reaching this point. 

“Don’t you know what that means? It means people can use blessed energy and use techniques! They can do Sun’s Warmth, Fallen Petals, Wisteria’s Sway-”

Satoru stood up and smiled, putting his blindfold back on, “Okay, okay, I hear you. We should let the girls sleep though then we can discuss tomorrow's day. We’re both free of missions and I really want to spend time with you.” 

The servant girls left with a few giggles seeing the lady of the house blush furiously. “Satoru, you can’t talk like that in front of the girls!” She whined embarrassed and walked into his open arms. “They already tease me saying I have a crush on you.” 

“Well you had a crush on me for a while now, don’t you think?”

“Anyways~” [Name] sang and breathed in his cologne,  her face snuggling closer to his chest, “Imagine what you can do with blessed energy. Nothing would touch you, you’d be unstoppable.”

“I already am,” Satoru confidently said and kissed the top of her head. “Also if you’re going to feed me flower petals, I want honey with mine.” 

“You got it, Toru!”

Satoru smiled fondly at the memory and took the plastic bear full of honey out of his pocket. “No matter what she does, she’s always catching my attention. Ah~ I miss her already” Satrou looked at the roses and sighed, “Stay beautiful, my earthworm, I’ll be out soon enough.” 

[herarcadewasteland]

Danger Lurks

A/N: There's a significant lack (pretty much none) of Teddy Lobo x Reader from 2023 Renfield and since I'm fulfilling my own Renfield x Reader fics, I'm doing this for those hoomans who also wanted this but couldn't find it. (Such a good movie btw I've seen it like 4 times now) Nine google doc pages of this shit-

-Teddy Lobo x Reader

-Mentions of drugs, violence and the likes. Swearing. You're old enough to know what you can handle. This is your warning :) (also sui*ide :/.... it turned darker- sorry if you're triggered. this is your warning again)

TW TW TW TW TW TW TW

_______________________

Teddy Lobo. Yeah. Him. Your boyfriend. The one currently ranting about some guy who killed a bunch of his men in Mulates the previous night. A sigh left you as you sat and listened patiently. It wasn’t like you had meant to get involved with a crime family. It just… happened. On a Thursday. A couple years back. It wasn’t worth the mental effort to think on how you had met with each detail in place. So you settled for the simple thought of it all. You were working. He walked in, you smiled at him while everyone looked away. You kept eye contact.

You didn’t look scared, and you didn't know who he was. He took you out a couple times, wined and dined you. Took you places. Treated you right. And then after mind-blowing sex, you met his mother at the breakfast table as she plotted with her son on the next drug deal. There was no out at that point. Plus, Teddy was quite a nice guy… past the killing and cocaine and stuff. So, you stayed. Which landed you here as he continued in disbelief at what had happened to a good number of his men. It wasn’t easy to believe what he told you he saw, but you had to at least try to believe. 

It was a lot easier when he walked up to your chair and landed a kiss on your lips with a pleading expression,

“You have to fucking believe me, Y/N. We’re looking for the fucker right now and when we get him, you’re coming. It’s time you get out there with me. You’ve been staying behind with mother for too long. I’m better with you at my side. You know this, lovely.”

You sighed again and nodded, hands brushing over the stubble on his jaw, 

“I know, Teddy. I’m just worried. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Or anyone else. It’s just not my  thing.”

He sighs in return and pulls you from your chair into a bear hug, his deep breathing calming you against his chest as you snuggled in. His hands stroked over your hair and you hummed while he let out a short chuckle at how cute you were. 

“We’ll have the info by morning. I’ll wake you up an hour before we’re ready to go. There won't be many of us. I’ll keep you safe, lovely.”, his lips pressed against your head and you smiled into his chest, “Now go get some rest. I want you not to be groggy when we go get this dickhead. You’ll need to be alert.”

“Ok. Goodnight Teddy.”

“Goodnight lovely.”

He spun you out of his arms towards the stairs. You giggled and walked up them to the left towards your now shared room with Teddy. You could feel his gaze on you as you walked above him past the railings blocking the fairly large fall. Looking back at him, you smiled. He smiled back with love in his gaze. You felt it too. The love. You loved him. Unfortunately for you, Teddy felt a nagging in the back of his head about the upcoming events. And he didn’t like it one bit. 

—--

The next morning you woke to an empty bed. It was normal, but it felt wrong today. The day just felt wrong. It made your eyes water as Teddy walked into the room looking down at a tablet as he grabbed a suit jacket from the closet. 

“Teddy?”

He visibly jumped at your voice, his eyes searching you out immediately and noting the tears in your eyes. His panic was next. He hated it when you cried. All he wanted was for you to be happy around him and for you to be crying so openly, it was new. Off putting even. Especially for Teddy.

“Love? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did you get hurt? Tell me what’s wrong.”

He rushed to the bed and held your trembling hands in his steady large ones as you looked at him sadly. Just shaking your head, you took your hands from his as he scanned you constantly for any visible wound. 

“N-No I’m…”, your voice cracked and you took a steadying breath, holding Teddy’s hands again to calm him as well as yourself, “I’m okay. Just… today feels wrong. Maybe it’s just one of those days but something feels different and I’m scared. What if the feeling is right, Teddy? I don’t want anything to happen to you… to us… to anyone.”

His grip tightened on your hands as you spoke, his eyes softening further as he watched the tears make a path down your flushed face. You sighed shakily and watched him watch you. It was simple. But it calms you down enough to take a deep breath, loosen your hold on his poor hands and kiss him gently. The kiss was… as it always is, wonderful. His lips cushioned yours in the best way that you never thought possible before kissing Teddy Lobo. It took over the fear as his tongue swiped over your bottom lip, a small groan leaving him as you parted from the kiss. 

“No no, come back. You should stay with me like that forever.”, he falls back onto the bed dramatically, his hand on his forehead as you giggle. “It’s heaven on earth. You can’t take that from me!”

You laugh loudly as you crawl on top of him, his hands resting on your hips as you place kisses around his face, “We have somewhere to be, don’t we? Maybe later, pony boy.”

You wheeze at the confused and nearly offended look on his face as you scramble from the bed, gathering your most Lobo coded outfit from the closet to rush into the ensuite bathroom and change before Teddy could fully recover and get you back with many, many tickles. His huffs reached your ears from the other side of the door as you tugged on the red leather jacket you had gotten for your birthday from Teddy a year back when he first asked you to go public with him. Properly. 

Finishing the outfit with a spray of your favourite perfume, you step back into the bedroom to see Teddy waiting for you on the bed, his eyes trained on you immediately. A whistle filled the room as he clapped you into the room, his applause guiding your steps subconsciously. Placing your hands on his shoulders when you reached him, you played with hair at the nape of his neck, his smirk making you smile shyly as he looked you up and down a few times. 

“Bout fucking time I see you wear this for me. Let’s make it count, lovely. Mother sent word for us to head down. The boys are ready. We have his location.”

You nodded with a sigh and pecked his lips, stepping towards the door and shaking off your hands. You were nervous. Sure you felt a little better but that feeling, that bad one, was still present and somehow got stronger as you loaded into the van with Teddy and a few of the Lobo troops. The drive was longer than you thought but also shorter than a trip to the costco somehow. You forgot to question it all as you pulled up to the very clearly abandoned hospital, pieces of the roof hanging off, boarded windows, broken windows, graffiti. It all screamed sketchy and abandoned. But Teddy was determined. So when he saw your hesitance standing in front of the tall building, he sighed and pulled you into his side with a gentle kiss to the top of your head. 

“Just stay close. I’ve got you.”

You nodded not trusting your voice the moment you stepped into the building. The air was suffocating. Heavy. Musty. Definitely smelled like a place many people died in. That feeling you had increased ten-fold as you continued down the falling hallway, the roof and pipes clanging together and causing a few of the men to hit their heads on the way. Off-handed comments were made along the walk to find something, anything that indicated life, that the place must be haunted. The men made the typical ghost noises as they walked before stopping abruptly in what you assumed to be the reception or waiting room. It was open, large. Echoey. And you hated it more than the man who thought it would be funny to scare you into Teddy’s strong arms. You stayed away from that man for the rest of the walk. But now, standing in the entryway with Teddy as he spewed profanities, you wanted all the knowledge you were surrounded by capable people. 

Glancing around and purposefully avoiding the hundreds of suspended blood bags, you counted each of the men with growing relief that there was no one else. You looked up at Teddy with worried eyes, his own angry ones softening at your fear. HIs large hand rubbed comforting circles into your back as he led you forward to search for this Renfield guy. He called out to his men once you reached a very rank smelling room, the flies making you cringe away from the room while Teddy looked inside.

“Ronnie, call my fucking mom. RIGHT NOW.”

His voice echoed as he shielded your eyes, walking back into the open space, his mom’s voice sounding from a discarded phone that you couldn’t see until Teddy dropped his hand from your eyes to pick it up and freak out. You glanced around again, the feeling back in stronger waves as Teddy grabbed your hand again, your own trembling in his grasp as he talked with his mom before a whooshing met your ears and you both glanced around in panic. 

“Teddy- I don’t like this… Let’s just go.”, your frantic eyes met his and he frowned at the pure fear in your eyes before he glanced at something over your shoulder and froze. “Please, I don’t want to be here anymore. Can we find this Renfield guy another day? Baby...?”

Your pleading fell on deaf ears as he stared over your shoulder with a rapidly paling face. You froze in turn, hearing a dark chuckle over your shoulder. Your first instinct was to step further into Teddy, his arms wrapping around you as you slowly turned in his hold to see what caused him that much fear. Meeting the eyes of the man, you gasped. His lips curled in a smile, his pointed teeth clenched together as he watched you. You let out a shaky breath and tugged at Teddy’s arms to tell him to get you the fuck out of there. Teddy being Teddy guided you closer instead, your body falling further back into his solid frame as you were now at least a foot away from the strange man in a bedazzled suit blazer. 

Teddy’s hand reached out holding his phone, pure confidence on his face until the man took the gap in security to dart a hand out with inhuman speed and grab you from Teddy’s hold, pulling you into his chest with a hand on your neck. You whimpered at his hold, eyes wide as you stared at Teddy, who waved his hands in panic, repeating “Woah” in an attempt at subduing the hold this man had on you. 

“Look, we don’t want any trouble-”

“Who are you? You were sent by the church?”, his last word was dragged out with disgust and contempt. 

“I’m a criminal! My organization is all about evil! We’re evil, okay?!”

“Why are you here?!”, the pale man growled as he jerked you back against him. 

“We’re looking for this guy! I’m tryna find this guy! He meddled in our business and killed a bunch of our guys tryna save a bunch of innocent people.”

The phone held out in front of you showed the man, Renfield. The man holding you growled and tightened his hold on your neck, your own hands grasping at his pale appendage as you gasped at the increased pressure. You didn’t move more than that, too afraid of the claw-like nails on the man's hand to move more than you already dared. Teddy watched you carefully as the man laughed maniacally. The panic in Teddy was clear as he took an almost threatening step forward.

“Do you know who I am?! Who she is?!”

 The guy holding you in a death grip tilted his head in confusion, a nearly mocking “Hmm?”, vibrating your back with his voice.

“I’m Teddy fucking Lobo and that’s my girlfriend!” 

The strange man chuckled and lifted you above him after turning you to face him, his eyes meeting your widened ones as your legs kicked in the air, the lack of ground frightening you enough to struggle in his hold despite the claws so close to your neck.

“I am Count Dracula.”, the man's smile was back as he somehow lifted you higher, your face turning slightly red as you shook your head. 

“You win!”, Teddy shouted as he watched you turn your head to look down at him, the desperation in his eyes so clear to you as the man who claimed he was Dracula brought you down enough to make eye contact with you directly.

“He is my servant.”, Dracula growled as you trembled in his hand, lips parted to take in more air than you could through your nose. Dracula’s eyes focused on the phone again, Teddy’s other hand shaking by his side.

“He doesn’t seem to be serving you very well.”, Teddy chuckled hesitantly as you glared back at him the best you could. 

Dracula’s clawed hand set you on the ground, your back to his chest in a split second as Teddy stepped forward again. Your hands shook as you gripped the arm around your neck again, Dracula’s maniacal, almost hysterical laugh filling your head as you stared down Teddy with a mounting anger. The man's free hand shot out to grab the phone, the looped video of Renfield being stopped as the phone was crushed in his hand like it was nothing more than a piece of paper. You winced, pushing yourself against Dracula in fear before you realized and tried to move forwards, out of his harsh hold. Your attempt failed as Dracula grabbed you again and held you still against him forcefully, your forearm exposed as he twisted your arm around under his hold to drag a claw down the vein. You whimpered and shook, Teddy panicking further and reaching out to you with his shaking hands. 

“Wait, no, no, no, no!”

“This crime family of yours, would it enjoy witnessing the beheading of it’s enemies and the impalement of all who oppose it?”, Dracula's claw traced up and down the vein in your arm, your hand shaking violently at the base of it. 

One cut into it lengthwise and you would bleed out in 2 hours max. A horizontal cut would take multiple and even deeper ones, he would have to cut your vein clean in half to get you dead in that same time frame. It was still a frightening situation, having experienced his strength. The blood around his mouth and dripping down his chin didn’t help your fear. 

“That's like- that’s like our w-whole thing, man.”, Teddy’s voice trembled as he tried to get you free from the man's hold without causing a fight or pain to you.  

“And can the family raise me soldiers?”, Draculas’ tone was curious now, his claw stilling just above your wrist.

“We can… I can make a couple calls, yeah.”, Teddy almost had a smile on his face now from the turn the whole situation took. 

“Whatever pain Renfield caused you, I will return 10, 000 fold.”, he said in a rumble, his claw returning to its original path with a small detour of your neck. “I will unleash an army of death whilst warming my skin next to mountains of burning corpses.” 

The tone of his voice turned whimsical, like he was day-dreaming of the scenario. Teddy watched in concern and growing excitement that this guy seemed to want to hurt this Renfield guy as much as the Lobo’s. 

“How does that sound to you?”, Dracula finished his speech while turning his fanged smile into your neck, his tongue tracing over your pulse point while he made eye contact with your lover. 

Teddy took a steadying breath and released it with a groaned sigh, “It sounds… like you gotta meet my mom.”

You groaned as Dracula burst out laughing a few seconds later. Teddy laughed quietly with him, his eyes focused on you the whole time while you trembled. Dracula’s pure evil laughter got louder and Teddy nearly retreated in fear as he laughed a little more openly, concern growing at the rate the laughter from the other man was. 

“Are you happy or are you gonna fuck us up?”, Teddy’s smile died as he spoke, Dracula laughing still.

His claw made a small cut on your arm as he reached out to Teddy who screamed as his laughter turned into an almost screamed laugh, Teddy’s scream turning into slight laughter as Dracula continued laughing with a hand now on your boyfriend's shoulder. You hissed at the residual sting, sliding from Dracula’s body to Teddy’s side as they laughed continuously until Dracula went stock still. His eyes were staring you down as you hid behind Teddy. You froze your tugging at Teddy’s sleeve in response, his eyes flashing with something before he ended up behind you both, hand trailing over your shoulder before he spun you and grabbed the arm he had sliced. You froze further somehow as he gazed into your eyes with an intensity while Teddy watched in disbelief as his tongue snaked out of his mouth to lick the small trail of blood from your arm. 

“Can you not do that, man? She’s still my girl. You’re scaring her.”

Dracula met Teddy’s eyes with a growl as he dropped your arm, stepping back with a new expression of politeness. Almost like he had been conveniently forgetting that you were in a relationship with the same man who screamed moments before at a hand movement. He knew what he was doing though, he had too. He seemed too self aware to not know exactly what he was doing as he eye-fucked you while you cowered into your lovers body again. 

“My apologies.”, He spoke with reverence that you could tell was a cover, but Teddy accepted it with a simple nod, leading you around the guy with a hand on your back and shoulder.

“We’ll be back in a few moments, we need to gather some more men to bring you to my mom.”

Dracula nodded and watched you go as you looked back at him one last time, hand rubbing over the small laceration he had made on your delicate skin. 

—--- 

It was days later when this Renfield guy burst through the doors, Teddy’s mom standing beside you, her son on your other side, his hands crossed over his chest. 

“Must be nice not having to be invited in.”

You blocked out the conversation from there, watching as the officer’s eyes scanned you with blatant interest, the conversation clearly shifting towards you as everyone looked your way.

“She’s merely a bystander. No harm has to come to her.”

Teddy’s voice had rung across the front room clearly, the two on the ground floor looking at you with increased interest as you shuffled behind Teddy to hide yourself from their searching gazes. Tugging at your newly acquired fiance's sleeve, you mumbled in his ear that you didn’t want to be out front with him, requesting that you go into the back with his mother. He refused, insisting that he could keep you safer while you were with him. You agreed reluctantly and grasped him by the waist as the conversation continued. You felt a pair of eyes on you the entire time but shrugged it off as a few men jumped the railing with increasing dramatics to fight this Renfield guy who now shared powers with a handful of the Lobo men. 

The fight went quickly, Teddy realizing quickly that he may be better off sitting behind the scenes with his mother. You both jogged to the door before you heard a voice calling out to you both. Officer Quincy. You shook your head as you both turned, Teddy pulling his gold pistols from his pants in a threat. Hands reaching up to pull his arms down, you stepped in front of him to stop him. Muttering at him, you sighed. He was stubborn, you knew that but for him to be this stubborn at that particular moment irked you. So you reacted. Grabbing his guns from his hands, you saw his eyes narrow at you. Before you could think on it more, you turned to the railing and leapt over the edge, running for the door as he called after you in urgency.

Nothing stopped you as you booked it for the doors, Renfield’s carnage doing nothing to stop you as you nearly made it to the door before Teddy reached you. His hands grasped your arms as you panicked, hands trembling as his golden eyes looked into your own coloured ones. Dropping the guns, you burst into tears, hiding your face in his chest as his hands rubbed up and down your back to calm you.

“Hey, hey. Look, it’ll be okay. I promise. Let’s get you upstairs to mother and we’ll see each other soon, I promise. I won’t let you get hurt.”

You sighed, wiping your tears with shaky hands as he picked you up, carrying you through everything calmly, the destruction avoiding you narrowly as Renfield downed the last man. You tapped Teddy’s shoulder frantically as you noticed his advance, the cop approaching from the opposite direction as your tapping got more panicked. Teddy noticed quickly, his hands gripping you tighter despite setting you on the ground.

Being exposed more for any attack, you stood still with your back pressed against the chest that had been pressed against yours the night before. The officer quickly approached, Teddy acting quickly and snorting the centipede that had been crawling up and down his arm without you noticing. You cringed away from the sight, Teddy’s eyes flashing gold again as he gently pushed you to the side before he lunged at the officer. That left you completely exposed. 

Renfield took advantage of the situation and pulled you into his hold like his master had done a night or so before. In a few moments, Renfield had you held on the balcony above, arm crossed over your throat as Teddy and the officer fought. It didn’t take long for Teddy to notice, his distraction enough for the officer to pull the shotgun on him and shoot him down. You gasped and fought the hold on you, your eyes stuck on your lover’s as he fell to his knees, bloodied wounds decorating his tattooed chest while you watched, unable to do anything but cry. Renfield took pity on you and let you go, your fist meeting his face before you raced past the murderer of your fiance to the man himself. 

“Teddy! No, no, no no no nonono. You can’t leave me! We were gonna be together forever…”

His pained chuckle met your ears as tears fell from your pained eyes. 

“Don’t you know who I am? I’m Teddy fucking Lobo and I’ll always be with you, lovely.”

Your head shook as you pressed frantically on his wounds, eyes scanning his face continuously as he just watched you, a single tear tracking down his face and meeting the small puddle of yours on the floor beneath him. You chuckled roughly, of course he would say that while dying. Footsteps drew your attention momentarily, the culprits sprinting to get to Dracula while you sat with the love of your life and talked him into the afterlife. You’d meet him there one day. You just hoped it would be sooner… seeing his pistols out of the corner of your eye, you nodded. You’d be with him soon. 

As you held his pistol to your head, you laughed in pain,

“Teddy fucking Lobo... I’ll see you soon, baby.”

-------

A/N: oh man im sorry it got dark :/ if i missed any words im so sorry but hopefully it made some sense. kinda my own take with a few direct quotes from scenes.

[wooahaes]

let’s see each other a little more

pairing: non-idol!jaehyuk x fem!reader

genre: fluff!

word count: 0.8k~

warnings: food mention! slightly nervous and sappy jae, too.

daisy’s notes: god this has me thinking abt the cupcake place in my town...

Jaehyuk, truthfully, did not realize how hard baking a cake could be... which was why, post clean-up, he was walking with you to a bakery now.

He had meant to surprise you in your apartment with a homemade cake. He’d followed the tutorial almost perfectly, he was sure (although now that he was thinking about it, maybe he misread the oven temperature...?). But time had gotten away from him while he was preparing the stuff to decorate, and, bam, burnt cake because the other distraction in your apartment was you, who’d been playfully teasing him the entire time. So he told you he’d run out and get some cupcakes and come back, just to salvage your birthday for you. You insisted on going with him, which lead to now: him, hand-in-hand with you, reading off directions from Google maps to a place that Junkyu had told him about. It wasn’t too hard to find it, thankfully, and he already recognized it from pictures of that time Yoshi had dragged him here...

Which meant that cupcake case in the back of their picture was right there, full of different flavors for you to ponder over. Jaehyuk, in all of his love for you, knew that it’d take you a few minutes to decide on what you wanted. So he let go of your hand and told you he’d look around a little and to just let him know what you wanted, cupcake-wise, while he scoped out the drink case. He knew your tastes there well enough.

The lady behind the counter, though, had spoken up in a low enough voice that you wouldn’t overhear. “Is she your girlfriend?”

Jaehyuk looked up from where he was looking through drinks, glancing back to you before shyly nodding. “It’s her birthday,” he confessed. “I was going to make a cake for her, but... I ended up messing it up.”

She nodded, looking over to you. “I see.”

“She’ll be a few minutes,” he said quickly. “It takes her some time to make up her mind, but that’s okay.” He smiled a little, more to himself than anyone else. “I love her. But...” He paused, looking back at her. If he asked any of his friends, they’d never let him live it down. He’d already lied and said that he chose a safer option to buy something for you instead--imagine if they heard that he burned the cake. “Do you... Do you know how I can make it up to her?”

The lady had perked up, curiosity piqued by the sudden question. But she softened a little as she made her way back to the counter, keeping her voice low. “Tell me about her.”

He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks as he set your drinks down. Jaehyuk was... a little sappy when it came to you, and his friends always let him know that--although it was never a bad thing. “We’ve been together for almost a year...” He tapped his fingers against the counter. “And... I think I’m really in love with her. I mean, I know, but--”

“You’re young,” she said with a happy hum. “It’s okay to be nervous--”

The conversation was immediately dropped when you made your way over, arm wrapping around Jaehyuk’s. “Hey, honey,” you said quietly, “you didn’t decide which one you wanted...”

He felt his face grow even warmer--even on your birthday, you were thinking about him. “I’m okay--”

“I thought we were getting a few to share?” You pouted a little. “I know it’s my birthday, but... I want you to pick a flavor you like, too.”

So he let you drag him back over, listening happily to the way you pointed out the different flavors. You’d settled on a strawberry cupcake, topped with pink icing and a slice of the fruit itself, after very careful consideration. Sometimes he swore you knew how cute you were just so you could play it up even further like this (but he knew how oblivious you could be, too). He picked out his own flavor, the lady behind the counter boxed up the cupcakes for the two of you, and soon enough he had paid and left with you...

Only to realize he had left his wallet sitting on the counter. He excused himself quickly to run back in and get it, only for the lady to call out to him after he grabbed it.

“You don’t have to worry about ‘making it up’ to her,” she said. “She looks happy enough just being with you.”

Jaehyuk turned, looking out of the front windows of the shop to see you waiting outside, box in one hand and a little bag with your drinks hanging from your other. Even without him there, you seemed... happier. Lighter than normal. With a quick thanks, he made his way back outside to rejoin you, taking the bag quickly so that he could hold your hand on the walk back home.

And he knew, as you squeezed his hand, that she was right. Burnt cake aside, you were just happy to have him around.

taglist: @twancingyunhao​

[adelle-ein]

Nothing Supernatural Here: Lace’s not-very-nice AINI review/rant

ETA 01/04/23: WAY more people read this than I thought, so I went through and did a massive edit/cleanup. Fixed up the grammar and writing from “hasty rant” to “actually kind of a reasonable essay” level, threw in a few more details, and added some screenshots to break up the text chunks. Sorry it was such a mess, I didn’t proofread too much bc I genuinely didn’t think anyone was gonna read it :’)

When I finished watching AI: Nirvana Initiative on Youtube (because I could not afford to buy it, and I am happy every day that I did not dip into my grocery money to do so), I wrote a review. It was not a kind review. I hated the game and that very much shows. It seemed so harsh and mean when all the reviews were so glowing, when all my mutuals seemed to ADORE it, so I decided it was better to let this extremely mean review languish in the depths of my google drive forever.

I have now edited, added to, and completed this review, and decided to let it out. It is extremely long. Like, stupidly long. And I still left out a LOT of things I hated.

I am not being nice, I am not pulling punches. I think AINI is the worst video game sequel I have ever had the displeasure of knowing exists as well as the worst VN overall I have ever viewed in full. I have really nothing nice to say about it at all. So please know that going in, and also know that if you try to convince me the game is good, I am probably just going to laugh at you because believe me: I cannot be convinced. I have tried so hard to like this game. I cannot, and it is one of my most hated pieces of media ever. This whole review is much more “hate” than “criticism.” Anyway. You have been warned.

Spoilers for AINI and AITSF, of course. Bear in mind: AINI, even if you have spoiler toggle off, inherently spoils AITSF. You cannot discuss AINI in depth without spoiling AITSF. The pre-release press releases were lying.

CWs: All AINI-typical content is discussed, including suicide, death, parental neglect and abuse, et cetera.

PROLOGUE

Nothing sums up my loathing of AINI better than the story of Tokiko’s body. When you find her corpse while playing as Mizuki, it’s a very clear suicide scene. Her wrists were slit, she's part of a cult, she’s been discussing suicide and being sliced in half, the game makes it very clear she's been suicidal in the past, et cetera. And yet Aiba immediately announces, with no further explanation, that she “does not believe this was self-inflicted” aka "this was not a suicide." She provides no evidence whatsoever for this little conclusion (other than the would being “deep?”), but as the player, it would be logical to assume that this is meant to be a "I know what this looks like, and it isn't it, assume this was murder" from the writers to the player.

And then, much later on when the Big Reveals are coming out, it is revealed that Tokiko did in fact kill herself in that very spot, in exactly the way it looks. She slit her wrists and cut herself in half using the Very Realistic Machine because of her cult beliefs and underlying depression. It was a suicide, exactly what it looked like, all along. No further explanation is given. Aiba does not even acknowledge her lie/error.

Great writing, guys.

A good mystery misleads its audience. But, uh...that's not misleading the audience. That's just straight up telling a lie to pretend there's a mystery when there isn't one. It was in fact the thing it immediately appeared to be. I looked at an apple, AINI told me it was an orange, and then later was like “it’s an apple.” Not even “it was actually an apple all along,” just “it’s an apple.” And isn't that just straight up what AINI is about overall? Blatantly lying to the player to pretend it has any depth, mystery, or interesting content whatsoever?

PART ONE: THE TWIST

We all know The Big AINI Twist. At least, if you are reading this, I assume you do. Instead of two timelines, one featuring Ryuki in the past and one featuring Mizuki in the present, Side Ryuki and Side Mizuki are intertwined (like DNA, for some reason, which isn't even really relevant to the story's alleged themes other than its almighty biological superiority unlike those icky adopted families...actually wait, that probably is the point. oops. You And I Are Halves Of A Whole Let’s Go.) You've been going back and forth between past and present all along, playing either as Ryuki (past/present), Mizuki (present), or Mizuki Two-Only-Exists-To-Pull-Off-This-Twist (past.) Only "Jin's" body was found in halves six years apart. All other bodies were found in the past, minus Tokiko who was found in the present. There was no mystery at all. And knowing what the player does about Jin and Uru by this point, the rest can quickly and easily fall into place.

Particularly clumsy that they have to spell out the DNA thing, huh. Of course, the characters have known this all along. To sum up, the "mystery" in AINI is entirely based upon the player being told a lie right after starting the game that continues throughout the entire story. A lie that was only told to the player, not the characters. When the lie is revealed, the answer becomes obvious. As soon as you see the timeline you learn that there was in fact little to no mystery all along, the obvious answer is the real one, and the only reason you as the player didn't figure it out hours ago is because the game was lying to you (and only you - not the characters, which would, you know, actually require some real fucking writing.)

This is where the game fails. Everything in AINI happens to pull off this ridiculous and yet boring literal twist. This is why Bibi (while I can't have anything against a character who is just Mizuki Again as a person, god I loathe Bibi as a plot device and the fact that she exists) is a thing and why she is inexplicably exactly like Mizuki. This is why Ryuki, Amame, etc don't get timeskip designs. This is why Shoma doesn't age. This is why Date was shoved hastily off-screen. This is why the AI Balls have so many conveniently timed memory issues. This is why nobody experienced any significant development in six years. This is why character interactions feel clumsy and forced, such as why Shoma's feelings about his dad's death ping wildly back and forth (because sometimes it happened six years ago.) Everything in AINI - characters, pacing, gameplay, FUN - was sacrificed in the name of one big twist, and that twist isn't even good. It's boring. It retroactively ruins everything about the game. It serves zero purpose except to yell "gotcha!"

AITSF misled the player, leading you to suspect Renju, Iris, So, Date, Boss, Shoko, and Falco in turn and all at once (because, in a sense, it was all and none and each of them.) AINI, on the other hand, doesn’t mislead. It just...lies. To me, that isn't really fun or interesting. It doesn't impact the characters, it is utterly meaningless -- except for making the player think there was actually more to the plot than the obvious answer for several chapters. In the end, the real solution to the entire case was just the obvious, boring answer. Jin and Uru share body parts and Uru was Tearer. The only real reveal is that Amame killed Uru and moved Tokiko's body, but that comes far too little far too late (especially bc after a few genuinely good and heartfelt scenes with Mame, we go to the final battle scene which frankly reads worse than the Harry Potter fanfiction I was writing on the Scholastic kids’ forums at age eleven.)

Seriously though, as an aside, that final battle scene is so horrifically bad I feel like it deserves its own paragraph. Maybe multiple paragraphs. I mean, what can I say? There’s no real final boss, just nameless mooks (one has a red shirt on, wow!) It’s another boring fight scene with no fun or creativity using the AI Balls’ abilities, just “press Z to jump” Heavy Rain-ass QTEs. Using "there are only three AI Balls, and whoever doesn't have one just kinda sucks" as a plot device is stupid. Ryuki's "death" was stupid and really served no purpose at all. There’s even more of Mizuki and Date's relationship being completely discarded, and Aiba being weirdly cruel to them both. Somehow a prerecorded message is capable of predicting every single thing that happens because...reasons, I guess. Kizuna has a gun and yelled the fuck word for the screencappable moment. Wow. And I guess the mopeds can fly now?? Maybe that should have come up sooner?? Not to mention poor pacing and bad lag making the whole ordeal feel even longer. It sucks that this clusterfuck came right on the tail end of Amame's somnium, which pretty much the only story/character thing in the whole game I genuinely cared about and the best scene. But Mame was absolutely overshadowed by this trash fire (and a playable epilogue even worse than the first game’s, which I also hated ftr.)

Back to “The Twist,” I cannot describe how much I hate every choice that went into this nightmare. So many terrible, terrible decisions had to be made to make the timeline change work, and it shows. Just for starters, we have Mizuki's backstory being rewritten and flung out the window, we’ve got characters willfully acting very stupid about when things are happening and exchanging painfully awkward dialogue, and important and meaningful and emotional reactions and scenes are constantly being skipped — all in service of one twist. One twist that only matters to the player. The timelines being scrambled does not affect Mizuki or Ryuki or anyone else one iota, because they already know what order everything is happening in! They have nothing to discover, since they’ve known from the beginning, even if their dialogue is crafted to tiptoe around that fact. The entire thing is only for the player. Why does Mizuki apparently forget Date is missing after the first thirty seconds of the game and never express any care for him, Iris, etc ever again? Why are there two identical Mizukis who somehow decorated their moped identically despite completely different upbringings?? It’s all literally just so this twist can work, so that there can be two interchangeable Mizukis. Other characters have to behave identically in past and present, and other obstacles have to be safely out of the way. There is no other way for the twist to work, and none of these actively game-ruining elements serve any other purpose. The end result is that AINI is…so stupid. It doesn't feel like a story. It feels like a bunch of elements put together around a central twist. No character gets to be an actual character. They're all walking clues and nothing more, and their development is purposefully stunted so they can act the same way in past in present. It hurts Mizuki most of all, and as devotedmizukilover420, this is what makes the game unsalvageable to me. The two Mizukis might be the dumbest "clue"/element/twist of all, because the whole thing makes entirely zero sense with AITSF (or any kind of logic, really.) You're telling me that all along, Boss has been raising an adopted daughter named Mizuki who looks exactly like Mizuki and that just didn't impact AITSF at all? Mizuki was living with Boss and Saito left Hitomi tied to a bomb in Boss's house — so Mizuki 2 just...wasn't home and missed that? Didn't care that her mom went missing? Meanwhile, Boss is just keeping this secret all along bc she wanted a super secret agent who was loyal only to her or whatever? (see my thoughts below on AINI's hot anti-adoption agenda.) Yeah, sure, right. Not to mention, "AITSF/Classic Mizuki was adopted by the Okiuras" is also bullshit. Even putting aside the way it slam-dunks the message and themes of AI1 Mizuki route into the garbage. Okay, she coincidentally has Shoko's unique hair color and exact face shape, and Shoko recounts when she was a newborn and hated her stroller and wanted to be held all the time, and Renju makes a clumsy comparison between Shoko and captive animals who give birth….but the Okiuras adopted Mizuki when she was three and there's no genetic relation. Complete and utter bullshit, and character-hurting bullshit at that. But it’s a necessary twist to pull off the dual timelines because we need to be able to have an 18-y/o (identically dressed….) Mizuki running around six years ago. I wouldn’t mind this so much if it didn’t impact Mizuki’s character, and her AITSF route, so heavily, but...it does. It ruins everything. AINI just hates adoption so much that it had to wipe out the pro-adoption message from its predecessor too (I will get to all this in more detail later - there’s just so much to hate about this game!)

Gotta say though, bold move to have a clone character and have the game’s conclusion be “Yes, the two clones are exactly the same in every way, they don’t have independent identities, nothing about their lives or experiences shaped them in any way, they are literal halves of a whole with no differences between them, and they’re totally okay with that and have no negative feelings about it.” Don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece of media do that before. Because, well, it sucks. It’s silly and stupid and just awful, awful writing.

I'm sure all the Horidori Institute stuff was coined solely to pull off the timeline twist — including the two Mizukis, our Mizuki's new backstory/canon superpowers (also stupid and takes all the fun out of her cartoonish super strength - just let things be fun, AINI!), and everything with Shoma. That only adds to the way this game just feels like a singular house of cards with one sole goal, and that goal is "to lie about the timelines and then reveal it was a lie at the very end." It's not even cleverly obfuscated, you just have an incorrect timeline and then you get a correct one. The big reveal just being "Mama tells you bc she has supernatural powers now — than straight up says there's nothing supernatural about the case" doesn't help. There was no way to skillfully incorporate that so they just drop it. And then move on. Because in the end, like absolutely everything else, it doesn't matter. The final battle is pointless and has nothing to do with the rest of the game because every aspect of this game was built around a twist that has nothing to do with its characters. Even the killers were designed and created completely in service to this twist. And yet, despite all of that, no real time or effort is devoted to revealing the twist, it’s just hastily dropped and then abandoned for good. Even the writers don’t like the twist, I guess!

Now, gaze upon what I genuinely believe is the stupidest line in the entire game, and what sums up exactly why it fails.

That’s right! There’s nothing supernatural here! Nothing fun, interesting, or entertaining. Nothing characterful, nothing that adds meaning or development. It was all just a very straightforward lie. What, you expected better? You thought, after the last game harnessed a supernatural twist that developed and added to its world and characters, that this game would too? You thought in a world of exploring brains and dreams, machines that slice perfectly in half, magical suicide plagues, and bodyswapping, that there might be more to the story? You goddamn dumbass. The game knew that you would think that, and it laughs at and mocks you for it. You thought the writers put in actual effort? You thought they cared about the world they were creating? That was your idiotic mistake. How silly of you! The most straightforward, boring explanation was the correct one. Nothing supernatural here!

And that's...part one of four. I said this was long and I meant it.

PART TWO: THE CHARACTERS

Another big issue with AINI is that it has no idea if it's standalone or a sequel, and as a result, it utterly fails to be both. AITSF characters get no development in AINI, to avoid spoiling their game. But they aren't really playing any roles at all. They stick out like sore thumbs because they have no reason to be there. They get no real introduction. The new characters are shallow, sure, and they only exist to serve the Plot Twist, but they do exist and serve a purpose. Why the fuck was Hitomi even in this game for all of two scenes? This seems like it'd be really jarring for a standalone player, since they now need to keep track of like…ten potential suspects. Except they aren’t really meant to be suspects, and they actually don't matter to the game at all. So Sejima, for example, is being super suspicious, but we returning players all know he can’t be up to much of anything. How is a new player supposed to guess that? Meanwhile, even on "no-spoiler" mode, massive spoilers get dropped for AITSF. Character backstories, motivations, the connections between them — they’re either implied or stated outright. You're kinda not supposed to know a lot of this stuff going into AITSF and, well, if you play AINI first…you will. Even "Mizuki gets adopted by Date" is a spoiler and that isn't hidden at all, but that's by far one of the more minor things. This isn’t even touching on Date being in his Saito body and voice by inexplicably wearing a custom mask, which is not only bizarre but terrible, terrible character writing (though I give it a pass because it keeps DC Douglas out of this game.) The writers tried to have their cake and eat it too, and as a result they just set the whole cake on fire.

The cast feels completely flat. Tama and Ryuki fit right in with the classic crew…because they serve no purpose, play no real role, and develop in no way at all. Ryuki is always just kinda There, with nothing much to do but pine over Date, fail to solve mysteries, and act “crazy” until he gets magically cured at the end. All the new characters kinda feel like retreading old ground with tweaked personalities and designs. Kizuna is a less bombastic Iris -- she gets kidnapped a bunch and likes conspiracy theories and sings and dances. Her dad is the Morally Dubious Rich Dad Bad At Parenting With A Shifty Past...Gen is a diner owner hopelessly in love with a teenager...Bibi is literally Mizuki Again...etc. I'm not surprised the AI1 cast has pretty much nothing to do — considering this is meant to be a companion game that doesn't spoil AI1, they can't really do much with them. They can’t even be considered as murder suspects, obviously (minus Amame, who really isn’t a returning character at all.) But also it's really disappointing how shallow they all feel. Iris is like…at least 80% more manic pixie dream girl than usual. Iit's not even being offset by her tumor, or her faking, or Saito faking, so that's exhausting. Date is literally just standing around making porno mag jokes or having them made about him (and they ruined the funny part, which is Aiba repeatedly lying to him and him repeatedly falling for it. Instead he just yells PORNO MAG POWER and gets tougher which is just...so not remotely funny at all.) Mizuki feels like a passive side character in her own game. Ota and Moma still just perv on Iris and do nothing of substance, with even the better aspects of their character now cleanly wiped away to prevent having to do any actual writing. The cameos were shallow at best. Even for our alleged MCs - it felt like instead of actually having Mizuki, Date, etc, we just got pieces of cardboard with "Mizuki", "Date", etc written on them in crayon. Cheap imitations.

Meanwhile, the writers still hate women, so that's fantastic. Seriously, revealing last minute that actually Gen has a thing for Amame (an incredibly creepy and obsessive thing) while she sees him as a fucking FATHER FIGURE is absolutely disgusting, and ruined their entire route as well as Gen as a character for me. To these writers, every woman immediately becomes a sex object once they grow tits, so of course their male characters are the same way. This makes me really glad they tossed Date to the curb and he and Mizuki barely interacted, because I would be miserable if they ruined that relationship the way they ruined Falco and Iris and now Gen and Amame. Mizuki’s of age now, after all, so she’s officially a sex object! Similarly, starting off Kizuna and Lien's relationship with an age gap and stalking was a shitty call and ruins their whole storyline too, when it could have been really sweet. Lien can't mature as a person because it would spoil The Twist, and Kizuna just goes from "mostly not sad" to "sad all the time" as the entirety of her development, so that really only adds to how flat both their characters are. (Don’t get me started on her whole disability arc, which felt thrown in for brownie points at best and was terribly handled as usual.) Mizuki makes sex jokes now. which feels really creepy coming from a school-age teenager we’ve previously known as a twelve-year-old, comments on how cute and young she is a lot, and constantly whines about wanting a boyfriend. Aiba even complains about Mizuki being flat-chested?? There's maybe a little less of the perviness than there is in AITSF just bc Date isn't playable, but what there is feels very creepy. I’m not surprised they kept this aspect but damn, it still sucks.

The side ends - you know, the CHARACTER ends, where much of AITSF's best work shone - feel like they were just kinda thrown in because they're expected. They don't feel as finished as the endings in AITSF. Gen/Amame's was just all over the place (I'm not even clear on what HAPPENED in half of it, let alone why, and Uchikoshi has since said a bunch of weird lies about it being followed up on in a “third eye” on his twitter. I’m not even getting into that, but if you believe a word he says, I invite you to look into all the times he claimed Santa and Snake would make a comeback in ZTD, or how Alice’s legend from 999 would be relevant to VLR.) Kizuna/Lien just kinda randomly cuts off. Shoma/Komeji was something at least, but it was really short and premature. I don’t know if explosion really counts as an ending, but it sucked too — why would a new player care about a big rock falling on the guy who only exists to talk about porn and neglect and bicker with his daughter? Just because Ryuki's in love with him (maybe, sort of, it will never be made explicit canon)? Meanwhile, returning players know they wouldn’t kill Date off, plus he's been in his most basic boring form all game, so they have no reason to really care either. What is even the point of this ending? Kizuna is just there to become disabled so Lien can have someone to be obsessed with and sad about, and he's just there to pick locks. Mizuki losing her eye -- you know, the thing a serial killer did to her parents, including Date -- is an afterthought at best. Blah. If this is supposed to be the "annihilation" of AINI, it…really, really falls flat.

The game doesn't know if it's a sequel or not, and like I said, trying to both have and eat the cake means the cake just gets set on fire. Hitomi is here for two scenes with no significance and just bloats the cast (I am not even going to get started on how flat and lame her and Date’s relationship has become. Feeling super bad for anyone who shipped them.) Ota and Iris keep showing up just to kinda be stupid for a scene (seriously Iris is EXTREMELY dumb in this, something went really wrong with those nanomachines and they fried all her gray matter) and then they vanish again into the distance of No Purpose. Date is an insufferable ass who only cares about porn magazines, mentions them in every fucking scene, now yells "porno mag power" when he activates that power (OVER AND OVER IN ALMOST EVERY COMBAT SCENE HE'S IN) and treats Mizuki like shit. And poor, poor Mizuki gets it worst of all — she's still a snarky, kinda bratty, tough kid, but that's all she is now. All that love and devotion and determination and kindness and intelligence? Gone. If she cares too much about her loved ones or thinks about herself too much, she would be unique from Bibi and the twist would be spoiled, and heaven knows we can't have that. Aiba is the only character who feels like herself, and even she feels overly cruel to Mizuki sometimes (and Date often.) I don't know why a new player would feel any attachment to these characters, and as someone who did play and love aspects of AITSF, I just felt cheated. It would have been better to not include any of them at all than to have these crappy imitations. Meanwhile, "no AITSF spoiler mode" spoils a ton of shit. Just reveal a connection between Iris and So on "no spoiler" mode, why the fuck not? Reveal that Shoko was abusive, she and Renju both died, and Date adopted Mizuki? Mention Iris having a "condition" that is now "stable" in one throwaway line for no goddamn discernible reason??? The game does all this and more. On no spoiler mode!!!

This game unashamedly hates its characters. And thanks to that, so do I. It really is a shame. It’s the epitome of “flanderization” in one single game, but it’s for every character, over and over again.

This is easily the most-reposted screenshot I’ve seen from AINI, which...says a lot about the quality of its humor and the relevance of its returning cast IMO.

PART THREE: FUCK ADOPTION

This is the first piece of media since Once Upon A Time on ABC that presents the unique and controversial moral of "fuck adoption." All in order to make Mizuki have an older clone sister. For the Twist. The same reason we do everything around here. Mizuki’s parents can’t just be shitty parents. they must be shitty ADOPTIVE parents, because ADOPTIVE parents suck and don’t love their kids.

But don't worry guys. Because Mizuki and Bibi are clones. Therefore they are biologically related. Therefore they GENETICALLY love each other. By the end of the game, Mizuki and Bibi, despite having barely met, love each other desperately, are the most important people in one another's lives, are never seen apart from each other and treated as a singular character, and are literally Two Halves Of A Whole, Let's Go. Because, you know. They're sisters, but the GOOD kind, the BIOLOGICAL kind, the ONLY real kind.

Gag me.

I saw screenshots of Date and Mizuki doing "I'm home" / "Welcome back" after he returns and thought, well, at least I'll get thrown a few crumbs to lap off the floor. Nope. Aiba has to specifically prompt Date into saying "I'm home," saying that Mizuki wants to hear it. He begrudgingly does so, Mizuki responds...but then says she didn't want to do that anyway and they move back on to the all-important Plot. Ouch. I seriously don't know how Mizuki route came from the same team. Date and Mizuki are barely tolerating each other at best here. They actually showed a lot more affection on the AITSF B routes, which is insane since that’s the route where OTA calls Date out for being neglectful. Meanwhile, Boss uses Bibi as a special agent and keeps her very existence a secret. Kizuna's dad doesn't really seem to care about Bibi either despite having raised her for years, and prioritizes his bio daughter. And as the cherry on top...the Okiuras treated Mizuki like shit because she was adopted all along, of course! Adopted parents are evil and bad, right? And bio parents would never mistreat their bio children, right? Right. Who cares if this totally throws Mizuki's arc in AITSF out the window? Even Bibi and Kizuna's relationship is never really given focus once Bibi is revealed. Bibi only really cares about Mizuki. Her REAL sister. Because they are related and that is all that matters.

Even the villains love their biological son and will do lots of evil for him! Tokiko gives an entire speech about how much she loved her bio son even though she didn't raise him, to the point where she and her ex kidnapped a random child, groomed him into a cult, and gave his organs to her bio son. Kidnapped child meanwhile views her as his mom. On its own, I wouldn't think too much about it, but in conjunction with the Mizukis…this how adoption is treated in AINI. It is A Very Bad Thing. Adoptive parents do not love their children anymore. Both Mizukis go through two adoptive families and are treated badly or ignored by both, and this is just normal, I guess.

Also So suddenly seems to care about Iris, at least a little bit, despite his not giving a shit in AITSF. But, hey, they are biologically related....(I actually wouldn’t mind this if they like, did anything with it. But they don’t. Instead they totally destroy any depth So’s character ever had by making him a total horndog who runs around conceiving various serial killers. Wheee, the killer is the half-brother of the previous killer, and they are both the half-brothers of another character, because So can’t keep it in his pants. Seriously, what a stupid twist. Hilarious but stupid.)

The Komeji-Dois love each other and are very sweet. They are the only ones that seem to, though. Because blood. Genetics. DNA. As the only bio family with significant screentime, of course they actually love each other, right?

Also, side note, remember Ryuki's twin brother who died? He sure was significant huh :)

Part Four: Miscellany

The most baffling thing of all about how bad AINI is is its glowing reviews. Don’t get me wrong: people can like things I don’t. But the reviews I read were on so many occasions blatantly false. I saw claims that AINI has fewer or even NO dirty jokes, that it does not sexualize the 18 y/o characters, that Date and Mizuki’s relationship was explored more in-depth, that the game runs great on Switch, that the AI Vision lag was fixed, that spoilers are avoidable. All of these things are objective, and they were blatantly false. Every person I have talked to who played on Switch had lag and framerate issues even worse than the first game’s, and most of them reported at least one hard crash. AI Vision loading in high-res models is still a major issue that disrupts the game’s flow on lower-end consoles and PCs. Bibi’s mess of a Somnium just got its bugs patched a few days ago, in NOVEMBER, so you can actually play it without getting thirty game overs from touching unrelated objects. The dirty jokes are abundant and often about 18 y/o high schoolers (they even aged down Amame, which really wasn’t necessary at all - a 20 y/o and an 18 y/o can be friends, after all - just to keep her barely legal!) Date and Mizuki loathe each other. And “no spoiler mode” is, as discussed above, a fucking joke. I don’t know how this game of telephone got started or why so many big names lied in their reviews, but damn, it sure made the game even more disappointing when I realized that most of what I had read wasn’t even true. I have no idea why so many people who received review copies felt the need to lie. I have to assume they weren’t deliberate lies. But...how on earth could they have convinced themselves that this game no longer has dirty jokes? Or that there’s no lag, or bugs, or weird crashes? I get that Uchikoshi is funny and nice on Twitter, but we’re allowed to say negative things about his games!

And, on the note of Uchikoshi games, can we just say that the second time you come up with “disease that makes you kill yourself” it is less effective? Seriously, isn’t this just the same basic apocalypse plot as VLR/ZTD?? Why are we doing this again, it doesn’t work a second time!!!! aaaaaaargh

The quicktime events in this game suck so much. Just press a button to parkour. There’s no creativity, no unique use of Aiba/Tama’s abilities, no silly elaborate traps for the baddies or jokes or teamwork, just. Flip punch kick jump. Woo-hoo. The one time we do something vaguely creative it’s just exploding the damn porno vending machine and we already did that in the first game. AINI has no identity of its own.

Half To Whole is catchy but its lyrics suck. Gen/Amame BS AND Mame doesn’t get to sing. Most of the lyrics are random asides that don’t work with the characters or themes (but hey, Date, Ota, Mama, and Iris HAVE to sing about kappa catching, because it’s not like any of them got fuckall to do in the main game after all!) Mizukis whining about wanting boyfriends and singing in perfect harmony because they are not separate characters (and allegedly crying on the inside whenever they fight?? what??) Changing lyrics to make Ryuki sound straight (gay rights! Seriously why are we pretending Ryuki is gay representation??) It’s just an absolute trashfire. The only vaguely meaningful lyric is “Without you I am only half, I need to be whole” but even that one pisses me off, because it ties into the game’s ongoing weird idea that characters can only exist with one another, that they aren’t whole people alone. Especially the idea that Mizuki and Bibi are “two halves of a whole” - fuck you, they’re different people and they only just met! But no, they will never be independent people again. They don’t even get separate lines in the song outside of the first verse and otherwise harmonize everything (bless Mizuki’s VA for at least trying to give them different singing voices...). The one saving grace of an AI3 is that Bibi probably won’t get to be in it for spoiler purposes, so maybe Mizuki will get to do something without her (but probably not.)

In Conclusion (Fuck This Game)

AITSF felt like it constructed its character arcs, mystery, twists, lore, and gameplay all side by side to make one full story. AINI…only even bothered to have mystery, twists, and gameplay, and only the last one ends up working even remotely because so much was sacrificed for the mediocre twists. The big reveals of AITSF matter to the story and the characters, whereas the biggest twist in AINI has nothing to do with the game's universe and is just for the Frayer…then they do nothing with that concept anyway beyond a bonus ending. In the end, it's as flat and frankly soulless as everything else. So who cares?

My MOST hated thing about AINI is its "only biological family matters" thesis. My second most hated thing is how it takes a massive dump on every single character. And the third is how it just generally is an utter failure of a mystery with no depth whatsoever. I have always hated Bravely Second and held it up as an example of how to utterly fail a video game sequel, destroying the predecessor in the process. This game, however, is at least twice as terrible as Bravely Second. At least the aptly abbreviated BS did in fact manage to have some fun twists despite hating and flanderizing its entire cast; AINI couldn’t even pull that off. Calling it a cheap, forced cash grab the devs clearly never wanted to make still feels too generous. This game sucks.

TL;DR: AINI isn’t even half and will definitely never be whole.

[muertarte]

TIMING: Current

PARTIES: @saithebatguy @muertarte

SUMMARY: There's a small bat loose in the gallery, and Metzli requests help online to get it out, and Sai responds.

WARNINGS: References to emotional and domestic abuse

“Leave! The exit is not in ceiling!” Metzli waved a broom at the intruder. “No! That way!” The bat wasn’t complying, and they weren’t sure what to do. Animal control was useless and all effort to guide the bat toward every open door of the gallery proved futile. With their shoulders sulking in defeat, Metzli dragged themself to the front entrance. 

They laid their arm on their stomach and leaned against the doorframe, thinking and considering their options. No one had responded to their post yet, but Metzli supposed there was still time for someone to do so. Still, they hated waiting, especially when they had to shut down their gallery for the entire day. 

The bat squeaked above and Metzli had to fight the urge to do something as childish as rolling their eyes. It had to be mocking them, didn’t it? They grumbled, listening as a passerby made themself known.

“We are closed.”

Sai was getting in his car and tapping MuertArte into Google Maps hardly a moment after he saw the post. People had a tendency to overreact in these situations. Worse, sometimes with a loose bat in a building, suddenly everyone was worried about rabies. And there wasn’t a standardized way to test a bat for rabies while they were still alive.

When he knocked on the front door, someone inside called back that the gallery was closed. Sai let himself in anyway. “I’m here about the bat?” Sai said, his eyes jumping to where it was flapping around the ceiling. The bat was a bit frantic. No one liked being trapped somewhere.

The person in the gallery – presumably the person who had posted – was just inside holding a broom. It was easy enough to guess what they’d be using it for. Humans were always so afraid of touching bats, but swatting at them just agitated them. It would agitate anyone. “I can get it out. Sorry, I should have called ahead.” Sai said. At the very least, it might have stopped them from trying the broom.

“Oh?” Metzli arched their brow, a bit relieved that someone had answered their call. “Will you be better than animal services? They are more destructive and I did not like how they did approaches.” Their Spanish lilt grew stronger the more they struggled to decide on what words to use, but they were happy that they managed to explain well enough. 

Placing the broom aside, they massaged their half limb until they could relax into more conversation. Being in the gallery meant Metzli was in their element, but they were sure people would never be something they were good at. 

“Um…” They rolled their shoulders and pointed to the bat, who was still flapping about and squeaking. “How will you make this bat leave? Will you need assisting?” Their fingers wrung against themselves and Metzli let silence fall between them and the stranger. Oh. Right. They were still a stranger. Where had their manners gone? Probably stuck in the ceiling with the bat.

“I am Metzli.” A pause, “Who are you?”

“I’m better than animal services,” Sai said. But just about anything was. “They don’t know what they’re doing. Or, well, I suppose they do know what they’re doing, but they don’t care about the animals.” Unlike the name suggested, they were really about human comfort and safety.

Sai felt out for the bat and called down to it. It didn’t respond immediately, too scared to listen. He could force it down, but there wasn’t any reason to do that, especially now that the gallery owner had put down their broom. He let his presence calm the bat. It shouldn’t be too long. “Give it a minute to calm down, and I can get it to follow me out. I’m good with bats.” He smiled. 

Metzli’s name sounded familiar. “Sai…” he said, as it fell into place. The vampires who had come tearing through town awhile back. They’d been looking for someone with a name like that. “Didn’t some va--,” he course corrected at the last moment. He might be wrong. “People come looking for you awhile ago? Your name sounds familiar.”

It was curious, the way Sai approached the bat as if it were kin, providing aid for it instead of Metzli. There was a kind of reverence in his eyes, a display that few would care to watch, but more than anyone, the curator knew eyes never lied. There were stories and facts and thoughts that could be pulled with just one look. Metzli stared, almost too enthralled with how the flaps of the bat’s wings became less and less erratic to notice the first syllable of what they were coming out of Sai’s mouth. 

The back of Metzli’s neck bristled, and they had to study Sai’s eyes a little closer to tell if Los Sombras remained in Wicked’s Rest. With their eyes narrowed with suspicion, they pretended to let their hand go idle at their back. They wrapped their fingers around the blade’s hilt and pressed their thumb against the holster’s release. “You want to say different word.” Metzli stated dryly, the bat no longer holding their attention. Was the animal a ruse to trick them? Did he see their post and decide to take advantage of the opportunity to kill Metzli quietly, with no one around? 

If that were the case, if Sai was a Sombra vampire, they decided the only dust that would touch the ground would be his. They just had to be sure. Without the use of violence in case Sai was just a bystander as so many others were during that time. Metzli struggled to be unbiased, and his ability to calm bats wasn’t doing him any favors. They took a breath, thumb at the ready. “Did you look with them? Is this…trick?”

From this person’s response, they were the vampire Sai had been thinking of. The Noxferatu didn’t have any issue with the vampires who’d been looking for Metzli. They’d been loud. There had been one fight, but not with anyone that mattered, and things had settled down as well as they could. Those vampires had left the Noxferatu alone after they’d realized none of them knew anything about the person they’d been looking for. Distracted, Sai’s connection to the bat loosened some, and it started flapping around the ceiling again.

“Look with them for you? I didn’t have any sort of reason to help them,” Sai said, waving away the idea. “Although my clan has no issue with them. But as far as I know, we don’t have any sort of issue with you either. I haven’t heard your name before, anyway, besides that.” Some of the Noxferatu got into plenty of squabbles, but if it were anything that mattered, he figured he would have heard about it sooner or later. But still, maybe safer not to mention the Noxferatu by name, just in case this vampire did have bad business with them. He tried to refocus on pulling on his connection with the bat again, but this gallerist vampire had caught most of his attention. “I’m not here to infringe on your turf or anything,” Sai added, to clear that up. 

His eyes were genuine and resolute with each word that dripped from his lips. Sai was telling the truth, and that calmed Metzli. They released a breath of relief and removed their hand from their knife, shoulders relaxing considerably. Although, the idea of them having a turf made them shudder and scrunch their nose with distaste. “N-no. No.” Metzli emphasized incredulously, shaking their head, “No turf. No clan. Alone vampire.” 

Never again would they join a horde, not after their experience. But at least they had confirmation that Sai was indeed a vampire. Metzli clung onto that and shifted the conversation to him. “I give apology for assuming you are with them. Was having danger when they are here. Have to be careful.” They swallowed, looking up at the bat. It’d gotten irritated once more, and knowing how terrible it was to be overwhelmed with overstimulation that you couldn’t understand, Metzli’s chest ached. Whatever Sai did before, they were keeping him from it, and they wondered if they could do the same to help. 

“How do you help it?” They asked, “The bat.” Metzli clarified with a tilt of their head. “Can I help?”

“No clan?” That surprised Sai, almost every vampire he knew was in one, although it was a bit of a biased sample, to be fair. “That doesn’t seem that safe. What do you do when a slayer comes along?” 

“And it’s no problem,” said Sai. The wrong unknown vampire could set anyones tensions up. “I was the one barging in. I never really expect to run into vampires. Not out here,” he said, waving vaguely to the area around them.  


“It’s compelling, sort of like some vampires can do for people,” Sai said. “Although I don’t like to call it that. I try to use it to connect with the bat, more like asking it to do something than tell it.” Some other vampires said it was just semantics when he put it like that, but he never thought so. There was a difference between a friend and a servant, and he never asked the bats to serve him. “My clan is good at compelling bats, generally. I learned it from one of them, when I joined a few decades ago.” If they knew the Noxferatu, they could connect the dots from there. But if it was just them, alone, he doubted they had much of a stake in clan politics. “It’s not hard. Not for me, anyway, but sometimes it takes a bit of practice.” 

“Fight.” They answered simply, taking their knife out in one swift motion. It was just a tad smaller than a bowie knife, worn at the handle but clean and sharp at the blade. “No clan or with clan, slayer is always there.” Metzli shrugged, “Have clan before and it was…torture. I kill master and run away to be free. He was monster.” The last sentence weighed heavily on their voice, and they thought back to the two elders that kept them trapped. 

While Metzli could be a monster in their own right, one thing was for sure, they could never and would never take away someone’s free will as their masters had. Not without weighing the options at least. Even they knew having control had its moments, but if they could help it, Metzli would always leave that option for last. It was something Sai seemed to understand. That there was a distinct difference between commanding and asking, and like them, he usually opted for the latter. Seeing that take place in front of Metzli made them feel warm, and a tiny smile curled at the corner of their lips as they looked at the bat and sheathed their knife. 

“You have free will in your clan?”

Sai took a step back when they pulled out the knife, caught by surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that. Did they make a habit of fighting slayers? He wasn’t expecting their question, either. He’d never thought about it like that. In terms of free will or not. There were expectations of him, sure, and obligations to Esther. But weren’t there always expectations and obligations in life? No one had compelled him. He’d never felt like he’d chosen the clan for himself, but in the same way he’d never chosen to be a vampire. It just happened. Now, they were just facts of life. There was none of the horror that he heard in Metzli’s voice.

“I’m here aren’t I,” he said, nodding to the space and back to the bat. “No permission needed or anything. I think that’s free will enough, right?” He might not tell others in the Noxferatu what he was actually doing many nights, but it didn’t concern them. “It’s not something I really think about. It’s like family, you know? They’re all I have. Them and the bats.”

Sai relaxed a little when they put the knife away again. At the end of the day, Metzli was still a strange vampire he didn’t know. Sai reached out to the bat again, calling it down to flutter around him. “Did you want to try?” He asked. “With the bat?”

They supposed what Sai said made sense. In their experience, Metzli had to stay in one place until they were called upon to work. Very seldom were they, or anyone for that matter, allowed to venture outside for recreational purposes. Anytime they got to walk outside Eloy’s crypt, it was to perform specific tasks that were required of them as a member of the clan. Everything they were and could be, was for the betterment of Eloy and his vision, and if they didn’t comply, there was a punishment waiting for them. 

That was family. It was torture. It was pain. It was being everything you were not. But what did Metzli know anyway? They attempted to change the definition, and it was futile. Perhaps they’d never truly know what it meant to have one because a dangerous thing like them didn’t deserve one.

“Yes,” They said, finally, “You are here.” A shrug, “I do not know. Alive family was bad. Clan was worse. Do not know what all of what you mean.” They never would. At the very least though, Metzli knew they could make friends. It wasn’t family, but they thought it could be close enough. 

They wanted it to be.

“Yes.” Metzli answered with a little more hope in their eyes despite the rest of their expression being neutral. “Can compel very good but I do not like to use it. Has bad feeling to take control. Does this have sense?”

“I haven’t been able to compel anything except for bats. No humans or that sort of thing, so I wouldn’t really know.  It doesn’t feel bad to compel bats for me, I just don’t like to do that to…” Family was the best word, at least how he thought of them, but they understood it differently, it sounded like. “A friend, and I guess they’re sort of like that for me.” Sai couldn’t lie and pretend if ever learned how to compel humans, he wouldn’t use it on someone who wasn’t a friend. But bats were different.

“But if you can compel humans, this should be easy, at least how I understand it. Bats are really the same idea. And I think they’re easier, anyway. Just think about instead of forcing it to do something, just sort of say it softer. Like you’re just telling it what you want.” Sai wasn’t sure if he was getting the description quite right. He hadn’t taught a lot of vampires how to compel bats, and Metzli was the only one he knew interested in the distinction he was making.

“Even if you get it wrong, you can just let go of the connection,” he said, with a shrug. “It’s not like the bat will really hold it against you.” 

Metzli tilted their head curiously, and their brows rose with both a mixture of surprise and relief. Whatever clan Sai was a part of, they seemed a lot more reasonable than anything they’d experienced. If it wasn’t murder for fun, it was power plays and exchanges of goods that always felt so heinously wrong to have. 

His experience was a far cry from anything Metzli had ever even heard of, and they’d be lying if they said they weren’t a little envious. What was it like to be a person while experiencing your own death? Did Sai have his hands stained with the blood of innocents that he was ordered to kill? Despite being jealous, Metzli certainly hoped not. That wasn’t a fate they could wish on anyone, and if Sai spoke of his clan as family, then they didn’t want to focus on what they never had. 

They decided it was better to live in the moment, and appreciate the opportunity to have a new experience. A friendlier and much more peaceful one. A version of their vampiric nature that could actually be kind. 

“Okay,” They said, their smile evident in their voice in spite of how neutral their expression seemed to look. Needless to say, they were excited, and when they closed their eyes to concentrate, everything went quiet. There was a pull, an intimate and gentle thing that felt fragile until the bat squeaked and flapped its wings with a little less urgency. Metzli did their best to emit a soothing presence, opening their eyes every so often to see if Sai approved. There wasn’t much to read, but that was fine because within minutes, the bat gently made its way down and nestled itself in their hand. A quiet gasp escaped them and they fully grinned.

“It worked!”

Sai smiled. He couldn’t lie, he felt proud. Like he had a hand in the other vampire’s connection with the bat. But of course, it was all them, with just a little advice from him. The sight of the bat curled in their hand touched him in a way hard to describe. Few people understood what it was, really, to connect with a bat. To feel kinship. Maybe this other vampire didn’t fully see it how he did, but he got the sense they might understand some of it. 

“You did,” he said, beaming. “Quickly too. I’ve seen vampires who it takes months to learn compelling bats.” That was mostly newer vampires, to be fair, and from what he knew, bats were far easier than humans. But it was an accomplishment all the same in Sai’s eyes. 

“Did you still want me to take it with me, or you could take it out yourself if you like?” he said. Sai didn’t mind doing it, of course, but he felt safe enough leaving the animal in the hands of the other vampire, now. They meant the bat no harm, he could see that from the way their hand cupped gently around it.  

“Have done much compelling on humans.” The confession came with a grimace, a weight of guilt plunging their shoulders down harshly. “Do not like to do it, but is requirement for master at times.” Metzli sighed, gently caressing the bat with their thumb. “Thinking bats are much easier. Did not take many time to ask it to calm down and come to my hand.” 

A smile draped itself on their lips and Metzli felt a profound sense of relief that even their more cruel abilities could have a softened edge to them. They didn’t have to be a monster in totality, only able to hope they didn’t cast destruction onto others. With the right intention, Metzli could lead a life full of kindness and good deeds. Much like the one they had asked for, yet somehow came out completing themself. 

“You take the bat.” Carefully, Metzli guided the winged ball of fur to Sai’s hand with a wan smile. “Think you know a better place for her.”

“I’m sure it’s probably useful sometimes, even if you don’t like it,” Sai said. In theory, it might be 

worth learning. He was getting older, which supposedly would help, but his time and attention were always taken up with other things. He’d never given it a real attempt. Not humans, anyway. Things like bats or a vampire spawn were almost trivial. Useful or not, he couldn’t be bothered enough to care to learn. There were too many other things he’d rather be working on. 

Sai took the bat from Metzli with a smile. “Oh, I don’t know about that, I’m sure she can find her own way once we’re out of here.” But he cradled the bat gently all the same as he turned to the door. “It was good to meet you, Metzli.” This vampire had a worldview different from most clan vampires he knew. It was hard to say in a good way or bad way. Just different, maybe. But he liked what he’d seen of them.

[see-arcane]

I Am Livid.

Bile below

Well, in a fit of paranoia, I’ve gone through all my Ao3 stories and set them to Viewable by Registered Ao3 Users Only. Not because of the Musk blurb. I looked into the ‘Elon Musk using bots to mine Ao3 for writing’ thing and didn’t find anything but a lot of repeat accusations without any examples. 

But you know what I did find?

https://www.theverge.com/2022/11/2/23435258/google-ai-writing-wordcraft-lamda

https://www.metastellar.com/nonfiction/on-writing/12-artificial-intelligence-tools-to-write-your-novel-for-you/

https://www.bkacontent.com/everything-about-ai-writing/

In all of these, there’s this struggling, sweating assurance that AI writing is meant to be a collaborative tool. An assisting tool. Used in tandem with human writers. To anyone who sincerely believes this, I admire your optimism and I apologize.

Because this is some next level bullshit.

Just like the immediate leap of AI art from ‘ooh look at this cool-silly trick we can get this program to do!’ to Let’s Use This to Steal From Hardworking Talented Artists and Pretend the End Product is Original Because the Program (and the Person Who Did the Hard Work of Pushing a Button!) Put It Through Their Filter and Slapped Their Name On It! is bullshit.

“AI writing saves time for you!” 

You who? The person whose whole background and career is in writing? No, of course not. Actual writers know what they’re doing. They practiced out of passion. Maybe they got degrees in it, maybe they just worked at it, maybe they aren’t even doing it for a profit (nice as it’d be!), and decide to put what they scribble out in the world for free. No, no, AI writing programs aren’t for them. The suckers.

You’re the person who would normally have to pay someone else to write something for them. 

You’re the person who’d like to hit a button, put other authors’ work through the AI blender, and vomit up another cookie cutter book series in their flavor and get a check for it.

Which is the exact same way it’s going with the people getting screwed and robbed by AI art programs. We all know this example by now:

 https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/02/technology/ai-artificial-intelligence-artists.html

But even beyond the competitive sphere, we have the more worrisome reality of professional artists getting gutted out of their careers, on top of hobby artists--artists who do what they do and share what they share With No Guarantee of Getting Paid--having their creations harvested and then turned around for someone else’s profit.

https://nanpa.org/2022/09/20/the-wild-west-of-ai-images-and-artists-rights/

And it enrages me past the point of words--maybe I could use an AI program to do that for me!!!--that anyone. 

Any fucking one. 

Is in favor of this load of thieving, art-killing, utterly inexcusable horseshit. Don’t come out here with your Asimov daydreams and your fucking I, Robot GIFs. This isn’t a movie. This isn’t the heartwarming rise of the Artistically Creative Robot.

The people behind this shit are people. People who want all the accolades and money with none of the work. Sorry, none of their own work. 

Actual creatives, already a demographic living on an economic edge, are in more and more danger of losing either their livelihoods or--aren’t these artists and writers sooo dramatic?--their passion for sharing what they create with the world, simply for the craft and joy of it, when they see someone use a predatory program to steal their hard work, stamp their label on it, and sell it back to an audience who never even gets to know the robbed party’s name.

I hate AI writing. I hate AI art. I. Hate. It.

And I personally want to slap every bullshitting thinkpiecer and salesman who tries to pitch it as anything other than an as-yet-not-illegalized ‘get out of effort/paying creatives machine’ with a hardcover copy of Marx until their teeth fly out.

Are these programs perfected yet? No. 

But the potential in them is too great for people with deep pockets who want them even deeper not to be investing to make them better* (*at stealing, blending, and puking up actual people’s work.) This is just where it starts. 

I genuinely hope the legal brakes get hit on these things. I hope there are actual consequences going forward. I hope all this shit gets banned back and back and back until it’s made defunct by the inescapable fact that NO ARTIST OR WRITER IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CONSENT TO THESE THINGS STEALING OUR SHIT and the right kind of lawyers make a case for us that unfucks the whole mess.

I really do.

But I won’t hold my breath. 

[raxistaicho]

Fantasy Invader blaming Edelgard for literally everything

Ordinarily I try to work from old to new when it comes to Fantasy Invader because he likes to build on and constantly repeat older claims he’s made, so it’s convenient to be able to just pull back up my old posts to demonstrate he’s wrong. This new claim of his, however, was so juicy I couldn’t resist hitting it immediately. Let’s go!

First, for context:

He’s referring to a post by renisfan where they claimed that Edelgard’s line,

In the original Japanese allegedly meant something to the effect of, “I don’t care about that.”

I’ve used both DeepL and Google Translate and neither came up with anything close to that, (DeepL was closer and said, “that’s none of my business”), but I’ve learned a long time ago not to take an Edelgard detractor at their word without fact-checking them, and in this instance I can’t. So, moving on.

...Yes, you’re reading that right, folks. Fantasy Invader is comparing Edelgard concluding a partly-unwilling alliance of convenience with the perpetrators of the Tragedy of Duscur - whom she intends to punish for their misdeeds - with her actually orchestrating the Tragedy of Duscur.

I’m at a loss for words, most Edelgard detractors these days have realized that directly accusing Edelgard of responsibility for the Tragedy of Duscur is a lost cause and not something you’re meant to agree with Dimitri about (given he’s fully in Boar Mode when he accuses her of it), so they usually stick to just insisting she’s culpable by her association with the Agarthans, but Fantasy Invader is nothing if not behind the times on everything he says.

She doesn’t dehumanize her victims, you clown, she remains acutely aware of what she’s causing throughout the game:

She is.

Wow, what a notion, it takes someone from a position of power to overthrow those in power! Especially when they have an army at their command and super-genetics that allow them to command super human abilities and magic weapons.

We saw what happened in chapter 3 when what was mostly a civilian militia tried to rebel against the Knights of Seiros: they got destroyed, completely and mercilessly.

Also this reads like, “yet you participate in society, curious!”

(Snort) Fantasy Invader has no right to call anyone delusional.

Also, if Fantasy Invader was right and Edelgard didn’t really care about her victims, then Dimitri should get furious at her supposedly being dismissive of them. Or he should at least get angry. But he doesn’t, because the devs don’t want us to think she’s blinded herself to what she’s done.

Heh, should we start mentioning all the times Jeralt says Rhea’s pretty sus, tho?

And, again, she really did have nothing to do with Duscur. How could she? She was a powerless 14 year old at the time, fresh off from being mutilated by Thales. She lived across the continent from Duscur and had no authority in the Empire.

Also, isn’t it fascinating how Fantasy Invader focuses solely on the regicide part of the Tragedy but not the part where a genocide was done? It’s the same with all Edelgard’s detractors: they treat the genocide that followed as... basically a natural and unavoidable result of Lambert being killed. Like how a storm causes a mudslide: there’s nobody at fault for the mudslide, it just happened.

But no, the genocide didn’t just happen, it happened because the Faerghans got into a revenge frenzy, ignored the prince, the sole survivor of the Tragedy, when he said the people of Duscur weren’t to blame, and went to go kill the people of Duscur because Faerghans are just like that and will fuck your shit up if you ever inconvenience them at any point in history. They’re like those revenge monkeys from, So I’m a Spider, So What? where if you ever hurt one of their species they will come after you to kill you, regardless of how many lives they lose in the process.

This point gets ignored because addressing it means addressing the horrendous aspects of Faerghus’s knightly culture, but because Azure Moon is all about preserving Faerghus as a nation-state and not about criticizing Faerghus’s many failures (because why are you fighting for Faerghus if we’re acknowledging Faerghus is kinda fucked up?), it can’t do that, so they can’t do that.

Nope. Given how vague the line is, and how furious she was when she saw Remire, it’s very much premature to conclude she was fully aware of all the travesties the Agarthans would commit.

Yeeeeah, Edelgard detractors tend to be furious about Treehouse... portraying Rhea as a woman struggling with trauma that’s caused her to have a hair-trigger temper which she masks with an air of serenity.

How dare they portray Rhea... in character. And not as a sweet mommy who did nothing wrong. You know if you guys want Lumera you can go play Engage. Err, well, not really since Lumera’s barely in Engage, but eh.

Also they didn’t dress up “genocidal fascism” because there was none of that to dress up. Not even in the Japanese version.

[gaymergal]

:3 happy pride 🌈 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

I unintentionally came out to my older sister (again) by wearing a piece of clothing.

💚💜🤍 😂 she remains the best

(Story followed by small spiraling below the cut 😃👍🏾✨)

Forever ago when I was in high school, I was only out as gay at school with friends. And didn’t come out to family until later (Highschool for me was 2004-2008 Bush era. And though my family is and has been very liberal leaning, we were also raised catholic which definitely fueled my personal hesitation to come out at home. Spoilers alert when I told my mom it went hilariously well)

One day after school myself and a pair of friends were at the mall, and the three of us bought a three piece matching friendship necklace at Claire’s on clearance that said roughly Best (star charm), Friends(heart charm), Forever(rainbow charm)

(90% sure that was the breakdown important thing is my section of the necklace had a rainbow charm)

It was like the only rainbow thing I owned, and I would wear it sparingly cause wasn’t 100% out. I had left the necklace on at home and my sister immediately clocked it and pulled me aside and asked if I was gay.

It was a very brief side bar conversation, I was in the kitchen and she literally pulled me into another room and was like “u gay? Your wearing a rainbow necklace”

“Uh yeah”

“Ok cool”

I never did a big announcement to family. Starting with my sister (actually, one of my brothers might have been the first family to know followed then by my sister🤔)

I just told family in one on one conversations as it came up, and eventually even extended family just knew I was gay.

(When I told my mom, because of the way I nervously started the conversation, on the verge of tears saying “i have something important to tell you” she thought I was teen pregnant and when I said I was gay she was like that’s it? That’s fine!)

Anyway! In 2020 with the support of my wife I experimented with pronouns and found that in addition to she/her I really do vibe with he/him pronouns (🥰 I am both her wife and boyfriend and absolutely love being called either)

I really only use he/him privately online and at limited irl queer gatherings and haven’t explicitly told my family (There is a hesitation that family might not fully “get” use of he/him pronouns and for now I’d rather keep it away from them for the time being. At this point its less of a fear of rejection and more of a…I don’t know how that conversation is going to go, and that gives me anxiety to bring it up and start a conversation about it.)

We just had our local pride weekend and I was wearing a pair of black socks that had stripes of green purple white at the top of them 💚💜🤍 for genderqueer and did post a family picture of me my wife and our son at pride to FB (socks visible) not thinking anyone in my fam would clock it.

Got a text from my sister yesterday: “Random question. What are your pronouns?”

Which prompted a phone call (that went super well :3 🥰)

At first she thought they were non binary colors and googled to confirm, but saw that the colors didn’t match but “knew it meant something” and then asked my niece (gen z theater kiddo) what the those specific colors represented. (Lol like straight up queer pop quiz style “hey green white purple, what’s that flag? 🤣)

When the dreaded “what do you want me to use for you” came up (idk why so much anxious, it is very much use one or the other or a mix, i genuinely like and respond to both. the only strong feeling i have is please don’t directly ask me which to use, or why he/him in addition to she/her)

It was a very quick, “so i can still use she/her”

“Yep”

“You sure?”

“Yep”

“well if that changes, I’ll just keep an eye out for new colors”

“🥲💖” (which I found to be very sweet!)

On the one hand, part of me is like, ah history repeating itself, just tell family as it comes up.

But with Pride and (:3 my first!) Father’s day coming up I am tempted to make a FB post just to set the record straight on my pronouns but, (anxiety)

Its weird, like I don’t necessarily feel like I’m in the closet as much as I did with being gay in high school. I’m not afraid of someone finding out. I don’t think my pronouns are something that needs to be kept secret. If asked I am comfortable enough to respond to the question, but the thought of anoucing them publicly is just a big no-no. 🙃

😅 Anyway!

🥳 happy pride! ❤️🧡💛💚💜💙💖

💚🤍💜 treating myself to an early father’s day hair cut tomorrow ✌🏾 :3

[iamfruitie]

A Fun Night Part 3 of 3

Part 1: Link

Part 2: Link

Chapter 3

Anti was casually strolling down the halls of the Hunters Headquarters, recognized at this point as not a threat, along with some other Demons that had Human mates, so he was left alone for the most part. He was heading to find Dark and drag him away for the day for some plans. 

“Hey, Host.” Anti greeted the leader of the Hunters. 

“Morning.” Host greeted back, his usual stride looking slightly off, and when Anti sniffed as he passed, he immediately knew what had happened the previous night. 

“Oh? Oh~!” Anti giggled and had the most wicked grin as he took off to do something that he did best.

Gossip. 

He started with most of the Demons, deciding he’d save telling JJ for when he told the Hunters. Anti snatched Henrik away from his work, got Marvin and Chase to follow him, and had Bing drag Google, and they all were at Mare and Phantom’s usual meeting place. 

“What is so important that you could not tell me in my office?” Henrik asked when they all settled. 

“Must be something big for Anti to be patient about spilling the tea.” Marvin giggled.

“I didn’t think Anti and patient could be two words in the same sentence.” Mare chuckled.

“Host had sex last night!” Anti blurted, grinning brightly despite the other Demons just looking at him. 

“And?” Google said flatly. 

“Host. You know. The Host. The Human mate of Night.” Anti waited and still didn’t get the reaction he wanted. “Host and Night fucked!” 

“How do you know?” Phantom asked. 

“I smelled him earlier, and his scent reeked of Night like usual but with that extra flair.” Anti danced his fingers in the air to add to his point. 

“Well shit, they actually did it,” Chase said. 

“We should send a card.” Marvin did a little shimmy. 

“Congrats on fucking?” Bing asked with a laugh. 

“They had sex, it’s not a big deal.” Google shrugged. 

“No, wait, we should send a card and gift baskets filled with anything they’d need.” Anti’s grin went from bright to mischievous. 

“Are you suggesting we send lube to our creator?” Mare asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m in.” 

x~x~x

Anti waited until later that day before finding the Hunters at Wilford’s bar. Mad had joined as well after Mare suggested going, not explaining why he should, but Mad’s curiosity got him there regardless. While Anti was busy with the Hunters, the Demons continued their work on the gifts.

“Did Host seem off to anyone else today?” Edward asked. “I tried speaking to him, but he just brushed me off.

“Everyone has an off day, especially when you’re in love with a Demon.” Dark softly chuckled. “But I did notice he wasn’t on his feet as much as usual. He’s normally one to get who he wants rather than calling.” 

“I swear I saw him wincing when he sat in his chair,” Jackie said.

“He better not have hurt himself and is stubborn about not being seen for it.” Edward huffed. 

“Oh, I’m sure if it was a problem, he’d come talk to you.” Wilford sat a fresh glass of beer in front of Edward. “You’re his favorite doc, after all.”  

“I can easily answer your questions~” Anti said with a purr, popping up in Dark’s lap and smiling at feeling Dark’s arms immediately wrapping around his waist in a hug to keep him up. 

“Usually, when you know the cause of something, it’s not a good thing,” Mad said. 

“Rude. But I will say it’s a good thing. A very good thing for Host and Night.” 

“Night? What does he have to do with it?” Dark asked. 

“Let’s just say that Host’s scent changed, and that tells me he and Night had some fun together.” Anti knew most of the Hunters would catch what he meant. 

“Oh!” Edward’s eyes widened. 

“Took them long enough.” Wilford chuckled as JJ came in from the back room. 

“I don’t get it,” Mad said.

“Were they playing games or something?” Jackie asked, not catching on at first, and took a drink.

“What did I miss?” JJ asked, having his voice project to everyone in the group. 

“Host and Night had sex.” Dark decided to answer very bluntly so Mad could catch on as well. Jackie spat his drink like in a cartoon and started coughing, punching at his chest to get air back in his lungs.

“They what?” He asked in a wheeze.

“Oh, I knew they were going to,” Mad said casually, taking a sip of his drink and lowering it when everyone looked at him. “What?” 

“How did you know about that?” Wilford asked. 

“Well-I-uh…” Mad cleared his throat and looked at Anti. “How could you tell that happened? Did one of them tell you?” 

“Fun fact about Demons is we can smell changes in scent, including sex scents. We can tell when someone’s had it, if someone’s had it, and who they had it with.” Anti explained, deciding to be nice and help Mad shift away from Wilford’s question. 

“You can…You can smell that?” Mad’s voice softened.

“We can, and I know you and Mare had your own fun last night as well~” Anti giggled at seeing Mad stiffening and going red in the face. His niceness could only last for so long.

“Alright, alright, enough teasing,” Dark said, tightening his hug on Anti slightly. “And you need to leave Host and Night alone about this. I know how you are, and the last thing you need is both of them pissed at you.” 

“But Darky~” 

“No, don’t ‘but Darky’ me, I’m serious.” 

“Ugh, fine.” Anti pouted, but he still had no plans on stopping the gifts that were going to be appearing at Host’s front door later that night. 

x~x~x

Night appeared in Host’s home and found his favorite Human sitting on the couch, relaxing with his head tilted back as he listened to the TV. 

“Has today been odd for you as well?” Night asked. 

“How do you mean by odd?” Host lifted his head and rocked it to stretch out his neck. 

“Some looks and soft laughter? I could feel eyes on me and not in the usual ‘fearing for their lives’ way.” 

“I felt eyes and could hear whispers. I had assumed some gossip was going around. Despite how chaotic and eventful our lives are, even Hunters get caught up when there’s some exciting news.” 

“I can’t get over the feeling the gossip is about us.” Night clicked his tongue. 

“Why would that be?” Host didn’t get a verbal answer as there was a knock on the door. 

“Gossip ranges in a vast variety.” Night said as he opened the door, brow raising at not seeing anyone there, and when he glanced down, he was not expecting to see several colorful wrapped baskets. “Is there a Human holiday today that I’m missing?” 

“No. It’s just an average day. Why?” 

“There are gifts.” 

“Gifts?” Host stood as Night gathered the baskets and carried them in, using his foot to close the door before taking them into the kitchen and placing them on the table. 

“There’s several baskets. Some roses sticking out of them, but I can’t see what’s inside them with all this wrapping.” Night explained as he started pulling off the basket’s covering. “It smells of the Demons your Hunters are infatuated with.”

“Are there any cards?” Host asked. 

“There’s one.” Night hummed and took the single envelope. He opened it and unfolded the card. “It’s just says ‘congratulations’?” 

“Congratulations? For what?” Host started helping with removing the wrapping. There was almost an endless amount of layers of paper and plastic. 

“Maybe there’s-you have to be kidding me.” Night tensed up when he saw what the actual gifts were. 

“What? What’s in…” Host’s voice trailed off when he found one of the items. “Is that a…” 

“A dildo.” Night finished with an annoyed grunt. “And lube and handcuffs and rope and other sex toys.” Host couldn’t find words yet and just cleared his throat. “I am so killing all of them.” 

“All of who?” Host had to clear his throat again before speaking. 

“Whoever decided to share what we did and everyone they told.” Night couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or pissed, so it became a combination of both. 

“I mean, they would have figured out eventually. But…” Host chewed his lip as he reached around and found one of the lube bottles. “Maybe we could take advantage of our new supplies?” He heard Night’s breath hitch a little at the offer.

“You’re saying that to distract me from hunting down the others, aren’t you?” 

“Yes and no.”

“I’m okay with that.” Night grabbed Host with one arm and one of the baskets with the other and carried both to the bedroom. 

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Last night, I decided to again look up a mystery that I got into during the summer. It was a subset of a larger mystery, the larger one got answered quite substantially but the subset did not.

Here’s what I have so far: I first found this video in the summer, when I decided to dedicate a week to figuring out what the fuck the Chocolate Milk Gang meant. I kept seeing it referred to as the name for a group of comedians from the 00s, and I got that they were grouped together because they were friends and appeared in each other’s shows at times, and I got that the name had something to do with them being seen as the nerdier side of things and chocolate milk being not the coolest drink in the world, but it really got to me that I kept finding little references that just said “Chocolate Milk Gang” like that’s a thing, and would not explain it to me. I eventually ended up finding the answer in David O’Doherty’s episode of the Comedian’s Comedian podcast – it’s because they got chocolate milkshakes together while everyone else was drinking alcohol after late shows at Edinburgh. Thank you, DO’D, that’s all I needed anyone to say.

But there was a while when I did not know this, and that while happened to occur while I did not have much going on at work and was experiencing some insomnia symptoms, so this seemed like a good time to fall hard down a rabbit hole of trying to figure stuff out. It was after an entire day spent going all A Beautiful Mind on the mystery – Googling different combinations of phrases and following all the links in one article like a rigorous student reading all the citations in one journal for an academic paper, getting distracted by little collections of videos of old stand-up nights that I happened to come across along the way, digging up increasingly obscure archived material. I enjoyed the process. That process is what started the hobby I have now, of just going through videos of old comedy festivals in general.

This particular video was one I found at 2 AM, after spending all day and all night up until then deep in the rabbit holes. I kept finding increasingly strange and obscure stuff, until I finally hit upon this one, and realized it was time to go to bed. I made a post at the time that joked that I had clearly already gone to bed and was having a fever dream, because this video does not fucking exist. Come on, this didn’t happen. But I think what I actually believed was that it seemed so weird to me because it was 2 AM and I had been sleep deprived lately and had spent so much time frying my brain with this mystery, and I’d look at it again in the morning and understand what was going on. Well I looked again in the morning, and… I mean you tell me if this makes any sense at any time of day:

So that became the sub-mystery: what the actual fuck are they doing? Not that I object. I sort of think comedy may have peaked on the night of August 26, 2003, and everything anyone has done since then is just trying to live up to that. I’m not sure this can be equaled. It might even be a little like the current storyline in the Night Vale podcast, which is about how the beauty’s in the unknown and the surreal, and explaining a mystery ruins it. Maybe that would be the case with this. But I want to know anyway.

I spent some time on this mystery a few months ago, and then moved on with life. But it came back to me last night, because I’ve finally got back to coaching practices (after contracting COVID at one and being too anxious about going there again for some time, preferring instead to bury myself in this sort of bullshit, videos like this might imitate fever dreams but can’t literally cause them), and last night at practice, Lose Yourself came on. I immediately started giggling and humming “I can’t see at all” under my breath, in honour of the time Adam Hills forgot what Eminem song he’d been singing in the middle of a sequence, and went from Lose Yourself to Stan. Last week, Adam Hills began the 26th season of the popular Channel 4 show he’s been hosting for ten years, and during that opening episode, he showed off his recently received MBE. But to me, he remains first and foremost the guy who switched Eminem songs while rapping about Daniel Kitson, David O’Doherty, Demitri Martin, and John Oliver taking apart a cow. Just like to me, Lose Yourself is now first and foremost the song that played while that occurred, even though it comes on somewhat often at my actual sports practices and tournaments, because this Britcom thing that was supposed to just be a distraction during lockdowns has invaded my real life.

Anyway. This made me decide to revisit the mystery. Here's a recap of what I already knew. This occurred on August 26, the last night of the 2003 Edinburgh Festival. At first, I thought the cow must have been on stage every night, because you also see it in this video, posted by the same channel (a channel that I assume is run by the Gilded Balloon, the venue in Edinburgh where this occurred):

However, I have since learned that both of those videos are from the same night. I learned that because I found another video, posted by a different person, that’s a montage of events from August 26. It includes both another angle on the cow destroying, and the beginning of the Kitson vs. DO’D rap battle that ended with the video above. I remain fucking amazed that this one exists, that the night when comedy peaked has been captured twice in forms that can be found on the internet nearly twenty years later.

By the way, I’m being… like, 90% facetious, maybe? About the whole comedy peaking with that night thing. And that might seem like a high number, but for a claim like that, anything below 100 is pretty bold. Like I am joking but I also genuinely think about all the different aspects that came together in this, a cumulation of things from before and an influence on what came after, that’s a hell of a lot of the good aspects of comedy in one spot. Anyway, here’s the second video:

In this, we see that the cow was there all night, and importantly, that early in the night, Daniel Kitson was on it and was playing the crowd about it. Pointing out that they kept challenging him to do unimpressive things, like jump off it. This suggests that the cow was not there every night, as if it were, the crowd would not be that excited about it by the final night. It was clearly a novelty to them. Also, I know it wasn’t there every night because I’ve found this montage from the same show on August 19, 2003, about a week earlier:

As you can see, no cow in that one. So I’m guessing it was only there on the last night, that’s why the crowd made such a big deal about it. From this, I formed a theory a while ago that maybe the idea to end the show that way came from what you see at the beginning of the August 26 montage. That video shows Kitson complaining that the crowd was giving him insufficiently difficult cow-related challenges – it’s possible that after the video cut off, the crowd challenged him to take the thing apart, and he went with it, making that the end to the night.

The issue is that I’m not sure whether they could do that, if they hadn’t planned it beforehand. I suppose whether you can do that depends on what the hell the cow was. After a comment I got on here from a helpful person, followed by a bit of my own Googling, I think the answer is it was an art installations, possibly as part of the international Cow Parade. The flaw in this theory is that the cow parade was not in Edinburgh in 2003, but it was in London in 2002, and I remember reading something that said the remaining I cannot find again that said the cows may have been distributed around the UK after the London festival ended. I don’t know why I can’t find it again, but I’m almost sure I’ve seen something that said that. So that cow could have been left over from the previous year’s London Cow Parade, sent to Edinburgh to spread art or some shit.

The other flaw in that theory is that the cow says “Metro” on it, which doesn’t seem like what one would expect in an art instillation. A YouTube comment on one of the videos from that night says: “I was there too!  One of the funniest comedic nights ever.  The Metro cow got smashed in two and crowd surfed over everyone out the back door....” That commenter said “the Metro cow”, not “a cow that said Metro on it”, in a way that suggests other people at the time, who were familiar with the Edinburgh Festival, would know what the Metro cow was. So maybe it was just a piece of advertising for Metro, a cow with that word on it moving around the festival. Maybe it was a leftover piece of art from the London Cow Parade that Metro had painted with its logo to display throughout the Edinburgh Festival, and actually, destroying it at the end of the festival was the Chocolate Milk Gang’s way of protesting against art being turned into advertisement (I’m definitely joking about that being a possibility but that would be awesome if it were the case).

My best guess is that it moved around the Edinburgh Festival throughout August, and was at the Gilded Balloon for the last night. This would explain why the crowd was excited about it and why the YouTube commenter called it “the Metro cow” - it was a sort of festival mascot that everyone knew about. But on the night in question, it was still an exciting novelty to see it in that particular location, which is why they were shouting at Daniel Kitson to do things with it. The question is whether it was moved to the Gilded Balloon and then they decided to take it apart, or whether it was moved to the Gilded Balloon because they decided to end the festival by having the Late ‘n’ Live people take apart the de facto mascot.

The origins of the cow matter (I mean... as much as any of this matters, which is quite a lot and I won’t hear otherwise) because how important it is tells us whether they could just decide, between the beginning and the end of a show, to destroy it. I’m thinking that whether it’s an advertisement owned by Metro, or some piece of art, they wouldn’t be allowed to just take it apart without permission. So they probably planned it beforehand, which means the whole thing did not just come from Daniel Kitson agreeing to a challenge from the audience. On the other hand, it’s my understanding that “anything can happen” is the point of the Late ‘n’ Live thing, and maybe that cow was only meant to be there for the festival and they were going to get rid of it anyway after that festival ended, so it wasn’t a big deal to decide to actually take it apart on the final night.

Beyond this, I can look to the video itself for clues as to what the fuck was going on. At the beginning, Adam Hills says they have “three chances”, which suggests it was some sort of challenge, whether one issued by the audience at the beginning of the night or one planned out beforehand. I’m also not sure how they measure those chances, since it’s not like they took only three shots at it. They just went at the cow until it came apart.

One guess is maybe the three chances are John Oliver, David O’Doherty, and Demitri Martin. Maybe the challenge was to see if only three people could get the cow apart. The flaw in that theory is that Kitson ends up jumping in to help, so if those were the parametres then they failed the task. But Kitson jumps in after he sees that they’re getting nowhere, after he gives up on joining Adam’s comedic narration and just starts giving instructions (“combine the chisel and the hammer”), clearly realizing that if they don’t start using a better system, they’ll be there all night. He may just have worked out that parametres be dammed, if he didn’t actually get in and help they would never be able to finish this fucking show and go get their chocolate milkshakes.

Evidence that this was not planned beforehand seems to occur at 1:28, when someone walks in from off stage and hands John Oliver a pipe. If they had planned this better, they’d have all come in with tools, instead of John just going at it with his bare hands and feet until he was given a weapon that looks like it was recently scrounged from a dumpster.

There is this line of Adam Hills’ song (which are a couple of words I can’t write without thinking of Tim Minchin, but that’s a separate thing): “There was a fire at the Gilded Balloon. The police found no one else was to blame. If this season doesn’t go well, this fucking venue’s going up in flames.” This is at true story. In December 2002, about eight months before this video was recorded, there was a huge fire in that area, doing significant damage to the Gilded Balloon, which is the venue where this took place. The Gilded Balloon was rebuilt, obviously, because they still needed a place to host rap battles and cow destroying challenges. But it had, in fact, recently gone up in flames. And I think Adam Hills was implying that if they didn’t make enough money from that year’s festival they’d have to burn it down again, but I’m not quite sure, and I don’t think he was either, he wasn’t even sure what Eminem song he was singing.

But here’s the thing I only learned while looking this up yesterday. Look at this article:

On this day 2002: Cowgate fire devastates Edinburgh's Old Town

I’ve checked, and Cowgate seems to be the name of the street and/or neighbourhood. The Gilded Balloon itself is not on Cowgate Street, but there is a street right next to it called Cowgate street, and I think the whole area around that street is called Cowgate. This is probably a coincidence, but it’s definitely a fun coincidence, given that "Cowgate” would be a pretty good name for the events of that first video. It turns out that Cowgate actually took place in an area called Cowgate. And it’s possible that somewhere along the chain of events, that’s not a coincidence. Maybe Metro advertised there with a cow because it’s Cowgate.

A few months ago when I first found this, I briefly wondered if there was another connection, in one way or another. Maybe they destroyed a cow because they were called the Chocolate Milk Gang and they thought that would be funny, or maybe they named themselves the Chocolate Milk Gang because they’d destroyed a cow together. I formed that theory before finding the actual answer to the CMG’s name meaning, and now that I have found that, I’m quite sure that their milk based name + participation in Cowgate is just a coincidence. Cowgate occurring in a place called Cowgate is probably a coincidence too, but it’s one that I like.

I think that’s all I have, at the moment, in terms of explaining what the fuck they were doing on that night. I do like I found the detail about it taking place in Cowgate, though, because I am absolutely going to refer to that event as Cowgate from now on. Please let me know if you have any information about the events of August 26, 2003, at the Gilded Balloon in Edinburgh, Scotland, also known as Cowgate.