#imma just call it that in case i ever make anything thats not part of it and the general oc tag will need some subgroups :v

[willczek-art]

OCs sketchdump

Featuring the ones you may already know: my boyo Vandal, Andy, @bratniadusza 's Oliver, @jellybeandrawsthings 's Sam

As well as me playing around with concepts for other characters from "Rosefinchverse" : Elliot Wells, Julia and Madison Miller, Knox~

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[iamtheblondestblonde]

The Clark Kent Effect

Part Three

AN: Imma be honest, I’m not happy with this part. I feel like my brain isn’t entirely ready for writing yet, it’s still wired to argue cases so please bear with me as I get my shit together. I still wanted to give the people who follow this story something though (you have no idea how happy I am about every single one of you) and I sincerely hope that this is good enough, apologies if not :) 

Song: Catching Feelings - Drax Project (this will be a thing from now on)

Word Count: 4,6k 

Warnings: explicit language I’m pretty sure but thats it

Masterlist / Part One / Part Two

You felt foolish really. It was as if your entire life had turned into a soap opera overnight. You wouldn’t call yourself cynical by all means, you loved love and everything that came along with it far too much for that, but you would’ve at least described yourself as rational.

Up until now.

Up until now you’d been convinced that if people really wanted to, they would be together. Up until now you’d been a believer of where there’s a will, there will be a way - relationships that would classify as statutory rape excluded of course, age was a bit more than just a number in those cases - but you, you, you had been stopped by the Bro-Code, which was just absolutely ridiculous.

Imagine telling that to your parents: Hey mom, so I met this great guy but I can’t do anything about it because he’s friends with my ex. Your grandma would straight up laugh in your face if you told her, the badass bitch had married her former lover’s rich best friend after she’d gotten the news that her fiancé hadn’t survived the war. Without needing to call her you knew that she’d tell you to go for Mat in a second, no matter how much she’d adored Tito back then.

But you weren’t your grandma and Tito hadn’t died in a war so here you were, pining over a guy you couldn’t have and practically living out a tragic romance novel. Technically you didn’t even know if Tito would have anything negative to say about the entire situation, it may all be water under the bridge by now, but you also couldn’t just casually ask him without giving anything away.

The only good thing about this situation was that Tito had brought a great group of people along with him into your life. He’d always been good at making friends, that certainly hadn’t changed from when he was younger and since the two of you had hit it up again your friend groups had seemingly merged without issue. It sure made for an interesting dynamic. You’d had some explaining to do whenever you initiated someone new into a group that also included your ex, but the result was definitely worth it.

Spending time with Tito was just as easy as it used to be, back before feelings complicated everything. Somehow you’d managed to fall back into a completely platonic relationship, one that worked just as well when the two of you were alone as it did with others around.

You’d missed having him around the years before, his view on things and the way he’d always managed to make decisions easy by providing simple solutions.

Should you get a puppy right now? - No, your apartment is too small for a big dog right now and no, you also shouldn’t settle for a purse-sized dog because you’ve always wanted a big one since you were little.

Maybe a cat instead? - No, you are allergic to cats, don’t be stupid.

What about one of those naked ones? - Also no, you need to bathe those frequently because of the built up oils on their skin and you don’t even have a bathtub in your apartment.

(You really had to bathe those from time to time, you’d looked it up. Apparently they could still trigger allergies as well, which straight up sucked.)

Should we grab Thai or Chinese? – Chinese, you told me about this new place you wanted to try out like three days ago.

What can I do to stop this one coworker from belittling and making fun of me? - I’ll help you make her jealous, how about some courtside seats to watch the Nets since she likes basketball?

The last idea had actually come from Mat (since Tito didn’t know shit about basketball), who had also pulled some strings to get four tickets so you could attend the game with Dana, Tito and him. Mat had even taken some pictures of Dana and you in your jerseys and at the game so you could post about your night excessively on your social media, making sure that said co-worker would see it. They’d also given you a tour of the building and you were surprised to say that their locker didn’t smell as bad as you’d expected.

Said coworker hadn’t said anything ever since by the way, but you could still see her lurking on your Instagram.

For all the advice Tito provided you with, you still hadn’t asked him the one thing you needed an answer to:

Is Mat off limits?

But you couldn’t do that and therefore it somehow became a normal thing for Mat and you to walk on eggshells around each other after the “incident” at the bar.

From time to time there were moments that made it blatantly obvious how good things could be – the time he’d excitedly side hugged-you after the Nets turned the game that one night before realizing what he’d just done and quickly letting go, how he’d found you in the crowd and looked straight at you after scoring a goal at one of his games before being swept away by his teammates or simply how you could see him looking around until he found you whenever your group met up – but they never lasted more than a few seconds.

The two of you were stuck, neither of you wanting to hurt Tito’s feelings. At least with your big group moments with Mat alone were rare. They still happened from time to time though, especially since the majority of your friends wasn’t even aware of your dilemma, which was why you found yourself in the passenger seat of his car on a Friday night.

Emily’s boyfriend Rafael had finally returned from a two-month-long work trip to Spain and was dead set on making an authentic recipe he’d been taught over there for everyone. Unfortunately he’d made the mistake of putting Emily in charge of getting the needed groceries and in true Emily fashion she’d forgotten to buy tomatoes. Something neither of them had noticed until Rafael had wanted to start cooking as soon as everyone arrived at their place. Maybe Emily had done it on purpose or maybe she hadn’t been thinking properly in that moment, too caught up in the fact that her lover was with her again, but she’d tasked Mat and you with a last-minute errand run to the store.

You couödn’t stop yourself from checking out the wine aisle though, leaving him waiting behind, dutifully holding a bag of fresh tomatoes and checking his phone while you inspected the options. Rafael had asked you to bring some wine as well but the one he’d requested was apparently out of stock.

“Barzal”, you called for his attention, inspecting a label to try and figure out if it was a suitable replacement, “you think Rafael would like this one?”

As you turned around with the bottle in your hand you were taken by surprise by Mat’s proximity. You hadn’t even noticed how close he’d moved until now and for a couple of seconds you were caught up in your daydreams again. He seemed to struggle with the same thing, his pupils blown and his breathing growing uneven while the two of you just stared at each other. His lips were so close and so incredibly inviting, his mouth slightly agape.

If I leaned up on my tippy toes right now I could-

You quickly stopped yourself from finishing that thought, looking down so you had a couple of seconds to gather your thoughts, thoughts Mat seemed to infiltrate constantly. By the time you dared to look up again he was running his hand across his face in frustration before slowly breathing out and returning to his cool and collected regular self.

“I’m the wrong person to ask this, he was drinking some red wine earlier and the one you picked out is obviously red but that’s about it. Wine culture is definitely lost on me, sorry. I prefer beer.”

“Stereotypical hockey player through and through, I see.” Later on you’d tell yourself that the smirk that followed made your brain short-circuit, because there was no other way to explain why you’d keep on flirting otherwise.

“Maybe one day I’ll teach you, only if you’re nice to me though”, you teased, maybe in an effort to take control over the situation, maybe because you simply couldn’t stop yourself but his laugh made your heart soar for one second, until you remembered why this shouldn’t be happening.

Maybe you simply were an undiscovered masochist because even though you knew you should stay away from him you kept finding yourself in situations like this one way too many times. Deciding that you’d simply drink the wine by yourself if anyone had an issue with it - drowning your sorrows seemed like a great idea either way right now - you handed him a second bottle before moving to leave the aisle and in turn his personal space.

Making eye contact with Colin standing a couple of meters away from you got you to do a full 180 though, almost smacking into Mat in the process, who had obviously followed you towards the cashiers.

What was it with Mat and you?!

While a collision was thankfully avoided, Colin’s presence could cause other problems, since he hadn’t exactly appreciated you breaking off things over a month ago. Because you hadn’t known him for long it had taken you longer than you liked to admit to realize that he was a manipulative bastard, you weren’t proud of that, and you had no idea how he’d act right now.

“What’s wrong?”

“My ex is over there and I don’t want to talk to him. Is he walking in our direction?”

Mat lifted his concerned glance from you to look over your shoulder so he could be on the lookout.

“If he’s the one wearing a Gucci hoodie that is so obviously fake then yes, he is walking in our direction.”

You let out a snort at the casual burn but you weren’t too happy about having to face Colin right now. He hadn’t even crossed your mind in these past few weeks but for him to cross paths with you while you were with Mat of all people seemed to be yet another one of these odd twists of fate your life seemed to attract lately. Maybe your guardian angel had decided to start a meth lab instead sometime recently, there was no other way to explain what was going on instead.

“Uh.. you look good, don’t worry, he’s definitely the one that missed out. Do- do you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?”, Mat stuttered out nervously, probably noticing your anxious shifting and you couldn’t help but smile at his words, despite him being wrong about the reason behind your nervousness.

“Thanks for the offer”, you gave him a gentle smile of reassurance before continuing, “but no, it’s not about the way I look or anything like that, I don’t give a fuck what he thinks of me because he’s an idiot. I just don’t want him to cause any problems and if I could I’d just run away from him forever so he doesn’t have the chance to ever ruin my night again.”

“Well I’m no expert on forever, but I’m here right now and I say fuck that guy”, he responded and with that he grabbed your hand and started running towards the cashiers, leaving you with no other choice but to run along with him so he wouldn’t rip your arm out of its socket.

Oh how you wished you had a picture of the expression on Colin’s face as Mat and you ran past him, hand in hand and cackling like maniacs.

He was apparently too stunned to follow you as you fought over who would pay for the stuff - Mat ultimately winning - but you didn’t let that stop you from running all the way to this car as well. Of course hand in hand.

Masochist.

Somehow the weird tension between the two of you seemed to lift sometime during your little sprint but you weren’t sure if this would be permanent or if it was a spur of the moment thing. You’d be damned if you didn’t enjoy it while it lasted though.  

The entire ride back you couldn’t stop thinking about the way his hand had felt in yours and what a perfect fit it had been, desperately wanting to feel it again as the two of you sang along to the songs playing over the speakers, perfectly happy in your little bubble.

-

As Christmas approached Emily roped everyone in to accompany her on her mission to make Rafael appreciate the cold that taken over New York. According to her he dearly missed sunny Spain but all you could see was a man who was happy to be home again. You weren’t about to tell her that though, you’d long figured out that whenever she’d set her mind to something it was best to simply follow along. Everyone else had apparently come to the same realization because no one objected to her plans.

Emily wanted to take Rafael ice skating and since the Rockefeller Center apparently wasn’t good enough and too crowded, she told everyone to meet at Pier 17. Dana and Mariah were on board of course and you’d managed to convince Tito to come along, who had in turn invited Mat.

In a ridiculous attempt to not get spotted, both Mat and Tito had donned a pair of glasses and while you were used to seeing them on Tito by now, seeing Mat with them again knocked the breath out of your lungs for a second.

It had been almost two months since you’d last seen him like this and the fact that you hadn’t recognized him that night seemed impossible to you now. Maybe it was because you’d gotten to know him since, seeing him in real life instead of only on pictures and memorizing his handsome features in the process but as you tried to get a good glance at him without anyone noticing you realized that he’d never be Clark Kent to you again.

Whether that was a good or a bad thing was still left to decide though.

“Need help with those?”, Mat’s voice ripped you out of your thoughts. You’d been so lost in them that you hadn’t even noticed that everyone else had already laced up their skates and walked out onto the ice while you’d been staring at your hands for who knows how long, laces wrapped around your fingers but not doing anything. Tito and him had brought their own skates while everyone else had to rely on rentals and his were already laced up perfectly of course.

You nodded, despite full well knowing how to do it yourself but you weren’t about to stop Mat from pulling your leg into his lap so he had better access. Besides, you’d stupidly forgotten to bring gloves and you’d gladly take any chance to leave your hands stuffed inside the pockets of your jacket as you rapidly got colder.

His fingers worked quickly, tightening the laces with expertise and you watched his hand moving in awe.

If hockey ever wasn’t an option for him anymore, hand modeling definitely was. He had such nice hands, strong and big and perfect. For a quick second your thoughts drifted to what else they could be capable of, before you reeled them back in, mentally scolding yourself. It really wasn’t your fault, not thinking of him seemed impossible these days.

His eyes were mostly focused on his work but from time to time he’d lift his gaze and give you a small smile, one you happily returned despite the mess inside your head. He had just finished tying the second one when someone banged on the glass, making the both of you jump a little.

“Ayo Barzy get your filthy paws off Y/N!”, Tito yelled before zooming away again laughing loudly, leaving an awkward silence behind.

Was this just Tito being his usual little-shit-self or was he actually serious?

For a couple of seconds you couldn’t do anything but stare at Mat as he looked down onto his hands, one of them still loosely wrapped around your ankle. Carefully you pulled your leg off his lap, set both feet on the ground and got up.

It was apparently time to face reality again.

You waited until there was a break in the throngs of people circling around the rink before stepping onto the ice, muscle memory from your childhood kicking in immediately. Once you were convinced that you weren’t going to fall on your ass you did a couple of little spins until you were facing Mat again, who had followed you. He looked at you with a slack jaw and you laughed at his expression.

“You can skate?!”, he asked bewildered and you laughed again, moving so the both of you could skate beside each other at a relaxed pace.

“Obviously. Sorry to ruin your late night fantasies of teaching me how to skate but I’m a good Canadian girl and I did some figure skating when I was younger. I actually used to be pretty fast.”

That caught his attention and you smiled at the way he looked down at you with a conspiring grin.

“Oh yeah? Show me what you got then”, after a couple of seconds of contemplation he continued, “last one to reach the others owes the winner coffee.”

You looked around to find the rest of your group, spotting them on the other side messing around. Of course.

“You’re on, Barzy. I hope you’re ready to lose though”, you winked at him before racing towards your friends, leaving him and his exclamations about you being a cheater behind, now definitely not cold anymore.

-

Something in your relationship seemed to shift after that, at least whenever you were alone with him. Things were still difficult around others, especially with the way Emily kept prodding you for updates and Tito constantly disturbing the few moments you had alone with him. You weren’t sure yet if he did it on purpose or if he simply had awful timing but it wasn’t like it made a difference.

Christmas came and passed just as fast, the team leaving for a roadtrip shortly after. You’d celebrated New Year’s Eve with your friends in a club, unable to kiss the person you wanted to either way so your lips had stayed untouched as the fireworks went off at midnight and the days following.

Tito had announced that the guys would return later in the day though, already making plans in the groupchat to meet up tomorrow. While you wondered where he got all this energy from you suspected it was a way to distract himself as the trip hadn’t been successful - to put it mildly. In reality they’d ate shit, losing all of their games, some to teams that should have been an easy win.

It was hard to watch on TV but even harder to talk to the guys afterwards.

A couple of hours later you sat on the couch, a book in hand that you’d meant to read for weeks and enjoying staying in on a Friday for once. You were so lost in the story that it took you a couple of seconds to realize that someone had knocked on your door.

Who could that be?

Tito or Emily were most likely to show up unannounced at your day but you knew that Tito would be on his way to his home so he could sulk by himself and Emily was away on a ski trip with Rafael. Unwrapping yourself from your fuzzy blanket you padded towards the door, taken aback by who was waiting on the other side.

“What..”, you trailed of questionably, not even sure what you were going to say in the first place.

Mat looked so out of place in the dimly lit hallway, dressed in a suit that fit him so nicely, bag set on the ground next to him.

“Can I come in?”, was all he said and you nodded, unable to bring yourself to say anything else.

How could you even refuse him?

You didn’t move from your spot beside the door and after taking off his shoes he took a couple of steps inside your apartment, hanging up his coat before turning back around to face you.

“You’re probably wondering why I’m here but if I’m honest I can’t even tell you. I just didn’t want to be alone tonight and since you seem to constantly be on my mind either way..”, he trailed off, seemingly gathering his thoughts before continuing, “I don’t know if you watched the games or-“

“I did and you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to”, you said softly as you interrupted him, sensing his apprehension. You decided that you weren’t about to touch his admission of thinking of you all the time with a ten-foot-pole, instead focusing on the rest of his sentence. He looked so broken and lost standing there so you couldn’t help but take the few steps it took to reach him, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug.

You knew from personal experience with Tito that athletes tended to take losses personal and if you had to take a guess you were pretty sure that Mat was one of those guys that blamed himself for them as well.

At first he seemed surprised about your bold move – it was the most the two of you had ever touched so far – but he quickly caught himself, hugging you even tighter to his body. For a couple of seconds you stood just like that, simply basking in each other’s proximity.

It was as if your bodies were made for each other, your head resting perfectly in the crook of his neck. Despite probably just getting off a plane he smelled so good and you were trying to figure out if you could take a deep breath without raising any suspicions. Before you’d managed to make a decision however, he pulled away and you unfortunately had to untangle yourself from him.

“Feel free to stay as long as you want to”, you said to fill the silence, leaving out the part where you hoped he’d stay for the night as well. He simply nodded before asking where he could change into more comfortable clothes. While you were sad to see the suit go you directed him to your bedroom, glad to have taken those thirty minutes earlier to tidy up.

He returned in a pair of grey sweatpants and a hoodie and it took every last remaining bit of your willpower not to drool at the sight of him. Somehow he managed to look even better in sweats than he did in his custom suit, which really wasn’t fair at all.

You had to admit it was a little weird to see him in your apartment though. He’d been over a couple of times to pregame etc. but he’d never been here alone. Somehow it felt strangely intimate to have him over by himself on this Friday night. To prevent your thoughts from going to a direction they definitely shouldn’t, you asked:

“Do you want some tea? I know technically you still owe me that coffee but I’ll be generous and let you off easy this time.”

For good measure you even threw in a wink at the end and your words had the desired effect, breaking the loaded tension completely.

“You cheated! I would’ve won if you hadn’t started early”, he exclaimed but the way he was laughing showed that he was anything but butthurt about the situation.

“Mmm keep telling yourself that, it’s okay”, you kept on teasing as he followed you into your small kitchen that was definitely at maximum capacity with two people in it. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t enjoy the closeness the tight space prompted though.

With a steaming mug of tea the both of you settled onto your couch shortly after, also small enough to keep you close together. You’d been wanting to buy a bigger one for weeks, but right now you certainly didn’t mind its size.

Masochist.

“Oh I love that one, the chimpanzees are so cute”, Mat said to your surprise as he finally realized what was playing on your tv and you looked at him in utter disbelief. You certainly hadn’t pegged him for a guy that liked to watch nature documentaries but yet here he was, constantly surprising you.

“What? Documentaries are very soothing”, he defended himself and you had to laugh at the way he looked like a little kid with his floppy hair and the cute way his eyebrows had scrunched up.

“I know. That’s why I love watching them as well.”

You hadn’t exactly pictured yourself watching documentaries with him on a Friday night, something that felt way too domestic if you were being honest, but yet here you were.

As the hour grew later both Mat and you sunk further in the cushions and while you had no recollection of how exactly it had happened, your head apparently ended up on his shoulder somehow. Your only regret was that now it wasn’t as easy to sneak glances at him from time to time without him noticing. At one point he’d even wrapped his arm around you, moving both of you into a more comfortable position before covering your bodies with the fuzzy blanket and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat lulled you to sleep before you even knew it.

The soft sound of your name woke you up sometime later, you weren’t exactly sure how much time had passed but the credits of the second documentary you’d started were already rolling and you were pretty sure you’d only caught the first half of it. In your sleep you’d cuddled up even closer, your arm wrapped around Mat’s midriff and you quickly sat up, embarrassed about turning into a koala in your sleep. Maybe you could blame it on the documentary?

“Sorry for waking you but I should probably head home. Otherwise my back is going to kill me tomorrow.” His voice was a little hoarse and it was obvious that he’d fallen asleep as well, his hair now sticking up in multiple directions. You suppressed a giggle at the disheveled sight of him, instead appreciating that he let down his guard enough for you to see him that way.

“Yeah of course. I’ll show you out.”

“Thank you for tonight. It means a lot to me”, he said quietly as he stood by the door, ready to leave.

“Anytime Mat. Get home safe.” It was the first time you’d called him by his first name, after months of first calling him Barzal then Barzy and he must have noticed as well because his smile could probably make glaciers melt at this point. You weren’t even sure why you’d given up your pathetic way of distancing yourself from him – despite the fact that it was very much obvious that it wasn’t working – but to not call him Mat would feel wrong after this evening.

“Have a good night, Y/N”, he simply said, still smiling as he leaned down to kiss you on the forehead before walking out the door, leaving you speechless.

 -

Tagging: @jamiedrysdales​ @nazdaddy​ @itrocksmysocks​ @yeeehaw-hockey​ @whitesummerx​ @teenagekook​ 

[secret-engima]

spideypoolalways

Does Regis ever ask how Titus has papers for the boys? Whats Cor or Clarus' PoV of this? What are some things (fluff or humor) that the boys get up to? Because I can see them getting adopted into the Ulric Clan because of shenanigans and Nyx going 'Yes, these are my people' since LCs just remind me of Ulrics with magic. And how do the Galatians take to the nephew of the Nif Chancellor and clone of the Crown Prince? Since I'm imagining that Titus told some of them and the

spideypoolalways

rest are guessing anyway. And does everyone assume that Noctis and Nox's magics resonated since they're kinda sorta close to each other/are the same person? How does Regis take the news that the only reason that Noctis got healed is because Nox pretty much felt everything Noctis did? /Both/ of his sons were basically attacked by a daemon and he only knew about one of them at the time and didn't do anything to calm or reassure Nox? (Clarus: Only because you didn't know

spideypoolalways

About him, Regis. Regis: Thats no excuse, Clarus.) Does Iris get to be a Shield or did Nox latch onto Axis or one of his kids? Does Acastus find Prompting and drop him off with Noct/Cor? Does Nox hang out with Noct, Ignis, Gladiolus and Prom all the time or does the memories act up enough to make him feel weird about it? How does Regis take his brother and son's Sick Days? What about Dissidia? The 3 youngest Royals getting snatched and the group watching on Crystal

spideypoolalways

Vision? Dad Titus/Regis freaking out over their kids having been summoned to a death match? And how exactly does Titus see the boys? Sons, brothers, cousins? Oooh, more Trauma. Noct, Nox and Acastus w/others playing and end up in the Crystal room. Cue the boys lighting up, maybe passing out because the magic hits their young system really hard (its why Royals aren't supposed to be Presented until 18) and everyone freaks out, and news makes it to Regis and Titus that they

spideypoolalways

Are in the infirmary and the gist of what happened via panicked guards and rush there immediately and are jumped by panicked kids talking and crying about what happened. I didn't realize I had so many questions. But now I need to know. 👀👀 Please!🙏

spideypoolalways

Oh! Just remembered a little more! Does anyone pick up on the people/places that he shouldn't know? Do they assume that Nox got some of it from Noct, like with the Marelith? Or are they assuming LC/ Oracle DNA mix?

Me: Yes, Regis asks about the papers and Titus doesn’t OUTRIGHT admit he did an illegal but he does grudgingly explain that he needed papers in case the NIfs came looking and he ... knows ... a few people who can help ... “recreate” papers for refugees who lost theirs in whatever fire or tragedy drove them from their homes.

Regis mulls over that for ten long seconds then blatantly pretends he never heard it in the first place. Those “people” likely saved the life of his son and half-brother, he can let it slide this once.

I need Nyx Ulric to adopt these two now JUST so Nyx can tease that he’s related to Captain (then later when he learns that they’re Lucis Caelums he can quietly die in a corner because OH NO HE’S RELATED TO THE KING). Not sure how or when Nyx adopts them, but he absolutely does.

It probably happens when he's just a wee bit sloshed. Not enough to be incoherent or insincere, but enough that he doesn’t feel any fear offering to adopt the pair while babysitting them because Captain had to work late and Nyx is off the combat roster until his ankle heals. Once he’s sober he is a Panic™, but Captain takes it surprisingly well and Nox loves his new braid. Acastus just looks Amused™.

Lib slaps Nyx over the head because IDIOT THINK THIS STUFF THROUGH then gives him another drink because TWO MORE ULRICS. It’s a good thing Nyx is an Ulric Keeper in this AU, because he can teach them most of the Ulric Clan stories and dances and make them proper Ulrics.

Acastus loves introducing himself as Acastus Ulric Drautos, both because it’s fancy like “Lucis Caelum” is and also because it made both Titus and Nyx spit their coffee the first time they hear it.

The Galahdians ... have mixed feelings at first. But the predominant one is that it doesn’t matter that this kid is clearly related to the Chancellor (at first they all think the Chancellor bedded Captain’s Aunt, since they don’t know about the LC blood, and that’s why he looks like Ardyn) because Captain has clearly staked a claim on him. Galahd (in my HCs) is a Very Adoption Heavy culture and big on judging people by their current family rather than any previous blood ties, so ... mostly the Chancellor thing gets intensely ignored. Acastus isn’t an Izunia, he’s a Drautos (and then later an Ulric). So they will treat him as such.

But in private there is some debate on exactly what happened, for the Chancellor to vanish around the time his ... relation (son? They mostly assume son), shows up in Drautos’s care.

No few number of them think Titus stumbled on Ardyn with the two kids and killed the Chancellor to save them.

For Nox ... the Lucis Caelum blood is basically impossible to hide. This boy LOOKS like a literal carbon copy of the Prince but younger and he’s young so his control over his magic is ... not. Not that good. Especially not when there’s so mUCH of it.

All of Galahd listened to the Glaive who was on babysitting duty when Nox had a rare tantrum and skewered the wall with ghostly blades and all privately, immediately agree to Never Tell Anyone. Ever.

Well. To be fair, they do debate whether they have a duty to tell Regis, but again the Adoption Culture comes into play and they decide it’s up to Titus to spill that secret. A few Glaives do ask Titus about it (Titus nearly has a heart attack because SINCE WHEN DID THEY KNOW) and when they ask if they know who the mother was, Titus looks very grim and very, very quiet for a long time, then admits:

There is no mother. There never was.

They stare at him in confusion until Acastus, lurking nearby with too-sharp eyes, gives a smile that could cut and says brittlely that “amazing things that can be done with science these days you know. Truly amazing. Why, get a blood sample and a tank of the right solutions and you could probably grow anything you wanted”.

The Glaives are Horrified™. So is the rest of Little Galahd when it gets around and then is made a Clan Secret by all the Clans unanimously. The secret never leaves the borders of their little slum.

Also yes, people assume that Noctis’s and Nox’s magic resonated because Nox is a clone and it freaks them out.

Regis is Such A Guilt when he finds out how Acastus knew about Noctis’s injury. No it doesn’t matter that he DIDN’T KNOW NOX EXISTED. One of his son’s (his FIVE YEAR OLD son) was suffering. Was screaming in agony and terror and Regis didn’t do a THING about it and no amount of logic can make that better.

Nox latches onto Axis’s triplets in this AU so while Iris will be best friends with him, his Shield, Hand, and Sword are actually all made up of Axis’s three kids. Axis is a BIT of an internal Scream when Nox is at the age people start making noises about him building a Retinue and taking Iris as his Shield and Nox goes, “NO. I have a Shield already! A Hand and Sword too!” And stuff spirals out to reveal Axis as Clarus’s kid (Clarus takes it much better than Axis thought he would, tho Axis didn’t expect to see Lord Amicitia go deathly pale and sit down hard in the nearest chair).

Honestly Iris might be the future love interest in this AU you never know. It would be hilarious if nothing else.

Bold of you to assume Acastus didn’t find Prompto early and bring him home to NOX because “Look Beloved Nibling I Found You A Friend!”. Prompto is a confusion because Nox is like- 4 at the time. But Prompto likes babysitting and playing with Nox and hearing Acastus’s stories and Titus just kinda- sighs his way through the playdates until he realizes that Prompto has been staying in his house for about two weeks with no sign of the parents.

Titus, after much snooping later, sitting at the kitchen table of Grandma Ostium quietly pulling his hair out: HOW DO YOU ADOPT A THIRD CHILD. DOES IT COUNT AS KIDNAPPING IF THEY COME OVER AND STAY WITH YOU FOREVER AND THE LEGAL PARENTS NEVER NOTICE. ACASTUS WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME.

Acastus: I regret nothing. Do you want me to fake Prompto’s death? I’m sure there’s enough Prompto’s out there that nobody will notice if you gain a nephew called Prompto Drautos.

Titus, holding his face in his hands while Grandma Ostium laughs at him in the corner: NO, ACASTUS. DO NOT FAKE THE DEATH OF THE CHILD. How do you even know how to do that? Nevermind I don’t want to know.

Roughly a year later when Everything Gets Revealed, Titus and Cor: *intense staring contest over Smol Blond Child*

Cor: You don’t know where he-

Titus, growling like a cranky Behemoth that might very well bite off someone’s head: He’s a Niflheim created clone. I know.

Cor: ....

Titus: He's been living in my house for a year. I’ve seen the barcode. It’s not like I wasn’t raising one already.

Cor: His legal parents-

Titus: Is me. The Argentums were emotionally neglectful and didn’t even notice when he hadn’t come home for a week and a half.

Cor: *guilty angry silence*

Titus: ...Kid could use an uncle. If you want to man up and be part of his life.

(hgfhg this is post is getting long Imma try to speed through the last questions a bit)

Yes, Nox hangs out with the Chocobros when he can because he adores them (especially Brother Prompto and Team Mom Iggy) but he also has his own friend group in the Little Galahd community so it doesn’t strike anyone as odd really. Nox is a naturally loving child for all he’s shy and Iggy and Gladio are Noctis’s friends and Prompto is his adopted brother (and later Noctis’s best friend).

Regis does Not take the Sick Days well. It makes him alarmed and angry because Lucis Caelums aren’t supposed to get sick days from their own magic and it speaks of BAD THINGS that both of the presumably experimented on and tortured LCs have them.

I’m going to have to come back to Dissidia another time (someone remind me) because this post is too long to ramble here but it would be- it would be Great. Honestly. It would either be the 3 littlest, just Acastus, or just Acastus and REGIS for some brotherly bonding and any of them would be Great and Chaotic. Crystal-o-vision absolutely happens.

The Crystal Room is under 24 hour guard so I don’t think the kids could wander in by accident, plus Acastus would actively avoid the area because of his Trauma.

Now Acastus being presented when he turns 18 on the other hand... >:))))))

Short Version: Much shouting, much alarm, much angst from Regis and Titus and everyone and also the first Sick Day Acastus has had since he turned 17 and by far one of the worst he’s ever had in his (second) life.

I might to a longer version later but not right now.

For Nox’s oddities and odd knowledge they kind of assume both? At first they think it’s just him resonating with Noctis so deeply that there’s a transfer (cue angst from Regis because what is going to happen to Nox when Noctis fulfills his destiny as Chosen King???) but then when Nox starts knowing stuff Noctis doesn’t/can’t know, they start to wonder if the scientists ... Tampered with his DNA. If they got their hands on Noctis’s, which should have been impossible, then it’s not all that out there they got their hands on Oracle DNA.

Sylva is ... very alarmed and very confused when Regis secretly contacts her on a secure encrypted line to ask if there were any ... symptoms to look for in an Oracle child. Because- yes there were but WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?

Regis: they wouldn’t happen to be *lists very specific things*

Sylva: ....Have you seen any Messengers nearby lately.

Regis: Carbuncle, a black puppy that disappears into thin air, and a bird woman who can summon wind storms. She calls herself Garuda.

Sylva, having a minor crisis behind her Queenly Facade: I am Very Sure I only have two children so please explain this. Right Now.

Regis: Well............. NiflheimclonedmysonandIthinkmixeditwiththednaofyouoryourdaughterandhehasseerpowersandImayormaynotbepanickingrightnowpleasehelpme.

Sylva, slowly running that over in her mind and figuring out what Regis just said:...

W H A T.

XD Honestly Niflheim might invade Tenebrae only to find the royal family gone because Sylva coincidentally packed her backs and took her and her children on a secret trip to Lucis to have a look at Nox, then since they’re there when Niflheim invades and a spy gets word on what just happened Sylva and Co just- stay there. Oracle Mom Death averted.

Also they absolutely think that it’s Luna’s DNA they used to make Nox because of how instantly Nox gloms onto Luna like a limpet- JUST like he did with Noctis and Regis, and how Luna gets this dazed look in her eyes as their magic tangles and she whispers, “I ... I know you. I know you, don’t I Little Prince? I met you in a dream.” Luna starts crying softly as she pets Nox’s hair and when Sylva asks in alarm why she’s crying, Luna blinks and whispers, “Because he was crying in the dream, and I couldn’t comfort him.”

Acastus lurks in the shadows, watching it all with ... very mixed feelings.

Oracles. He could have gone his entire second life without meeting anymore Oracles. Aera she looks so much like you is that what our daughter would have looked like and oh astrals I KILLED her. I killed the girl with your eyes and your smile and laughed about it later.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Izzy and magnus brotp headcanons if u have any bls

i do! i dont think ive ever been asked about them before so yay!

mandatory disclaimer that this post is about the show, not the books, and idc what happens in the books and wont be taking it into consideration here

okay so i think my brotp tag for them ("crazy scientists but make it glam") pretty much sums it up. i love the concept of crazy scientists magnus and izzy. like... if magnus and alec lose braincells when theyre together, magnus and izzy gain braincells, but lose Common Sense

because they are both so into similar things like physics and biochem and technology and magic, so if the subject comes up they will start excitedly talking about idk the possibilities for time travel or something, and alec of course has no interest in those things so hes like "k imma get a drink" and when he comes back magnus and izzy are Actually Seriously Planning On Launching Themselves To Mars and he has to be like "or maybe we could discuss this here on earth???" and alec is really not used to being the voice of reason when it comes to magnus but alas

and i just love magnus and izzy as that duo who can like spend hours talking in depth about the mechanisms of time travel or cures for magical diseases or whichever subject theyre focusing on at the moment and who make a mean team when working together but who can also get Too Excited and lose it a little

other than that the other thing i like about magnus and izzy is that they can relate to each other on that sense of being reduced to The Hot Fashionista, you know? like magnus is called a lothario and izzy is always treated like her one personality trait is Sexy™ and i think both of them kind of use that perception as an armor for themselves. i have talked about that in relation to magnus several times so i dont think it bears repeating because he himself compared his eyeliner to tiger stripes and magicked makeup on when he was feeling bad and alec was coming, so. but anyway my point is that izzy is no different and that was addressed in the sh that is good and lives in my head instead of her just being reduced to eye candy the whole show

like it's obvious that izzy's whole thing with being Sexy™ is something that she uses as part of her rebel act. like, her mom is gonna reduce her to a stupid slut anyway, so why not act the part? case in point: twi!izzy. in the world where the lightwoods weren't making her and alec's life hell, she allowed herself to be a lot more casual. also the way she is always talking about how she can do everything they do in heels, how she always uses her body to be "the distraction" and/or to gather information, to lure in demons even tho thats unnecessary, etc. like i think a part of izzy feels like sex is all she's good at and so she lays that in as thick as possible. she even kind of said so when she said that one of the reasons why she liked raphael is because she knew that sex wasn't a part of the equation for him

disclaimer! dressing in revealing clothes and/or sleeping around is not bad and doesnt inherently mean that the person has Unresolved Issues that end up manifesting like that, or whatever. i think izzy also dresses as she does because she likes it and good for her! she also clearly likes sex and good for her!!!! and it definitely doesn't mean her relationships are shallow because we saw how fiercely loyal she is to those he loves, platonically or romantically. i just think that the way she built her identity around that is partially because it is a good armor - if she presents herself as shallow and concerned only with instant pleasure and looking pretty, people won't get too close. and when they treat her as such, it doesn't hurt as much because she IS laying it on thick and she IS sexy and she can use it to her advantage, even to manipulate people, so whos laughing now?

for example, in s1 in particular izzy was always acting like she cared about nothing but having fun and going to parties, yet it was obvious that izzy actually cared way more about saving the downworld and helping those she loves, particularly alec. like she presents herself as shallow and unconcerned with anything but her own pleasure but it's clear that she's willing to throw all of that away - even give herself up to get married to whoever her parents choose, her own worst nightmare - for what actually matters and drives her: her loved ones and what she thinks is right. she was okay with getting deruned for what she believed in, thats not a shallow person. so obviously that whole thing was an act, and well, why put up an act like that when it borders on annoying honestly? i think it's to protect herself, for the reasons listed above

plus, it makes her mom mad, and a part of her is obviously defining herself in opposition to her mom. if her mom wants something out of her, she does the opposite, and that applies to her clothing too

anyway all of that is to say that magnus and izzy have a similar relationship with 1- their "lothario"/"slut" personas, and 2- the way they understand fashion and clothing. it's about expressing something to others, something that protects their vulnerabilities, for the both of them. and while i don't think they (particularly izzy) are exactly dying to go deep into that subject and their armors, there is that understanding between them, you know? and under the right amount of alcohol and in a safe enough environment when its just the two of them they might even talk about it and its nice to have someone who completely understands it, you know, that pretty specific defense mechanism and being reduced to sexualized stereotypes (especially since both of them are bi. id mention both of them being brown too but izzy's racial belonging in the show is uhhhhh weird to say the least so i wont get into that)

and also just the silly things! going to parties together, going shopping together, remember when magnus and izzy were both wearing the exact same color scheme and pattern? obsessed with the idea of them color coordinating just for like, the challenge of creating outfits that dont look the same or even like theyre supposed to match but that have similars colors and textures and patterns, you know?

also they are fantastic at gifting each other and somehow always know Exactly What The Other Has Their Eyes Own. like izzy will give magnus some eyeliner and he'll be like "how did you know ive been meaning to buy that?" and she'll go "i didnt" and wink at him, and the opposite is also true. or alternatively izzy will get him a book on astronomy and he'll be like "how did you know i was hyperfixating on black holes??" and she'll be like "i didn't" and the other way around as well. alec asks for their help buying gifts for the other more often than not, but izzy realized a long time ago that magnus likes alec's gifts better than hers, because even tho they aren't always a perfect fit, they are always so thoughtful and blow him away even tho that was in no way alec's intention (see: the omamori)

also izzy is fiercely protective of alec, magnus, and their relationship as a whole, which sometimes really warms magnus' heart when she just. jumps in to their defense when someone is being bitchy, you know? it's nice that she has their back

and i think thats all i have for now but aaa i love them

[sastrugie]

my christmas break starts this friday as well! what’s up with your coworker? have her test results come back? is she doing okay?

alright, so my fav topics include:

- the russian revolution, as already stated :D

- the cold war (mostly from the east european point of view)

- the tudors

- victorian era england

i also really love peaky blinders (the show) and i occasionally enjoy reading about how different gangs operated back in those days but i don’t know much lmao

also, monarchy is just such a terrible system but i completely get your interest in the people! for example, i also adore reading and learning about the tudors and the romanovs but only as a part of history and not because i’m such a big fan of the monarchy? lmao if that makes sense.

and like, i lowkey get why the bolsheviks thought they needed to assassinate the whole family but it’s also really sketchy, dude ://

i think i like britain’s history just because it’s so rich and influential, but like we simply can’t ignore the fucked up shit they’ve done through the centuries. so again, i enjoy it but mostly because i love judging them for their actions lmao

and to answer your question, i don’t really know if i have many historical favs? i feel like i enjoy way too many problematic people lmao. nevertheless, the ones i’m most interested in atm are: lenin (shockers), anne boleyn, anne bonny, malcolm x - this list shifts constantly depending on my mood though.

oh shush you, i’m sure your style is bombing based on everything i just read :)

lmao i actually do that sometimes, but mostly in my mother tongue! but i also just love shakespearean insults in english, those are impeccable

and merci beaucoup! good luck with russian; maybe you’ll be able teach me a few phrases in the future :D

ooh what are you studying atm? if you don’t mind sharing, that is.

and me, i’d like to become a psychologist some day, so that’s pretty far from history as well haha but i never want the enthusiasm to die ever and i’m really loving how the two of us can just scream to each other about history in every single ask/answer :D

thank you so much for these beautiful recommendations, i’ll definitely check them out!!

here are some of mine:

books:

- maria stuart by stefan zweig (german author, so it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find it!!)

- red crosses by sasha filipenko (fiction about the stalinist regime)

- the age of light by whitney scharer (historical fiction again lmao; tells the story of photographers lee miller and man ray’s romance in the 30s with little snippets into wwii through lee’s pov; the writing was stunning)

- sapiens by yuval noah harari (basically the history of mankind; so informative and enjoyable, i adored it)

- the real peaky blinders by carl chinn (what the title says, really; the actual gangs of birmingham and their not so shiny careers)

these are the best ones i read in 2020 but i’ll let you know if i remember any of my other reads!!

i also haven’t read any actual books about the 1917 revolution because i haven’t really had the chance to go to the library yet and i’ve been busy doing my research on the internet haha (it’s a fairly new hyperfixation of mine, to be frank). however, i’ll hit you up if i find anything worthwhile <3

documentaries:

- the russian revolution (the title speaks for itself lmao)

- genius of the modern world (3-part docuseries about marx, nietzsche and freud)

- world war ii in colour (lmao just a classic, innit)

- secrets of great british castles

- the last tzars (tho i’m pretty sure you’re quite familiar with this one haha)

- forbidden history

- secrets of the six wives

- anything by lucy worsley, tbh

these are all off the top of my head but again, i’ll let you know if i remember any more!!

oml i apologise for the long message and i hope your week is going well :D

dont apologize for long messages! <3 im always happy to talk to you 

sadly her test was positive UGH which means i have to get myself tested too (today) and if the worst case happens: i´ll have to spend christmas alone in my student flat bc then i obviously cant go home to my family (my grandparents live there..) so yeah, today 14:20 o clock... i have the test :( cross your fingers for me pls huhuhu

thats cool that we have the russian revolution and vicxtorian era as common interest ^^ i read a book recently its called “the ordeal” and its a triology written by alexej tolstoi during the times of the revolution. its a story about two sister and their love interests during the war times and its really good!!! 

oh i barely know anything about the tudors! pls hmu

ah yes.. the cold war... i have to admit im rather interested in the music and sociology of the cold war times but the political stuff is super interesting too! esp as you said from an east european view, so we can talk about that too!

yep. monarchy sucks! i understanbd from like a logical point of view why they shot them all, but the human side of me thinks its just cruel.. i mean yeah tsar nicholas wasnt a good politician but he wasnt a bad person either. but yeah, a difficult topic.. tbh he´s the only romanov im really interested in (i really dislike his wife alexandra tho lmao) hbu? 

leninnn :D i kinda excpected that! i havent really read much about him but he seems to be an interesting person! and who is anne boyd? malcom X yes! im really interested into the civil rights movement as well. I really like martin luther king jr.

englands history really fascinates me, and i honestly cant tell you why... but it is what is is hahhaa! nand duuudeeee omg they fucked so many shit up.. the british are a funny nation. but honestly none is unproblematic and every nation screwed up big time once:D judging is really important when youre intereste din history! like im interested in king george and queen mary but not solely for political reasons, more actually for their personal lives and victorian times and how they were as a couple, but i know... they did bad stuff too!

omg teach me some shakespearean insults pls! i only know a few victorian ones! and a bit of sixties slang :D 

im gonna reblog this and add some russian phrases bc my russian keyboard in on my phone :) but i use duolingo so the sentences are ... really weird lmao

im studying physical geography in Erlangen right now and am in my 7th semester.) im actually writing my bachelor thesis rn UGHHHHHHH

ohhhhh psychology is cool!! im really intersted in it, sadly i cant ever be one bc i suffer from poor mental health too much myself, in fact i have an appointment my therapist in a few minutes haha BUT i think youre super trustworthy and nice and easy to talk to so these are really good qualities for a therapist <3<3<3<3

AHHHHHHHHHHH THANKS!! 

i already read sapiens! its so good! and i know maria stuart by schiller haha but oml i love stefan zweig so imma add it on my list

ok and i will watch ALL of these (except the last tsars bc yeah i already saw it! and liked it ... kinda .. i didnt like the actor they chose for nicky, he didnt remind me of him at all)

i have alot of historical fiction books to recomment too: 

if you like ww2 “a time to live and a time to die”

ww1: “all quiet on the western front”

russian revolution and war time “the ordeal”

“intrige” by robert harris is also good (france 1896)

oh and documentary wise:

they shall not grow old is a coloured ww1 docu!

thank you so much for everything again i love talking to you :) have a nice day <3 (sorry for typos i was in a hurry)

[xefrosprotectionsquad]

what are your thoughts on the treatment of the boy by Dammek?

mod spoon here !!! i know ur probably expecting like a short answer saying something along the lines of ‘its bad !!!! poor xeffy....... :(’ but im nothing if not thorough and i want to explain my feelings on the matter !!! the other mods may add on later if they please ^-^

disclaimer: i do believe what dammek has done has hurt xefros and i think that is so horrible bc xefros doesnt deserve that at all !!!! everything i say in this post explains why i sympathize w/ dammek and refuse to make judgements until we know him more. i do not excuse his behavior and i think what he has done is terrible but i think these things explain why just hating him is being unfair

first off: i see a Lot of myself in dammek. and i mean a L o t

in fact, dammek hate causes me a lot of heartache because it could easily be directed at me and the only change would have to be the name

in the past, particularly online, ive treated the people i care about like GARBAGE i just didnt know that what i was doing was bad until they would be like ‘ur a garbage person who treats me like garbage and i hate you !!!’ and then block me.

in real life........ i still kinda treat people like garbage sometimes

i say, all the time, ‘haha i treat you all so terribly why are you still my friends?’ and while it looks like im joking im really not

the thing is: its because im both unaware that im doing something wrong and that if i do know im doing something wrong i dont know the alternative

dammek seems to genuinely care about his moirail. he really really does. i have a Big Feeling that not one person has ever called him out for anything ! and that everything hes doing, while poor, doesnt look terrible to the eyes of other trolls because their society is so fucked up.

he probably had xef butler for him because xef had an interest in butlering and he was like ‘oh you like that ?? uh uh ok then we’ll do that !!!’ in like. the worst way possible

he probably wanted xef to stop playing arena stickball because it was dangerous and xef was expendable to every team. so he just. had xef do other things

he made xef that microphone for christmas, and my personal hc is that it lowers xefros’ voice bc hes trans !!! how wonderful is that

hes never said that xef should stop apologizing. did you see how upset he was when joey called it annoying ? its likely not something hes used to

dammek probably is focused on other things in his life and doesnt see the effect its happening on his moirail. and when it gets pointed out to him, its going to hurt real bad. r e a l l y bad

second off: i think a lot of people are forgetting this is alternia and are blaming dammek for some things that.... arent him

the alternia we’re used to is essentially run by feferi, who is kind and believes the hemospectrum is stupid

the alternia we’re seeing now is run by trizza, who hates lowbloods and is a tyrant

the hemocastes are a lot more enforced in this alternia ! this is likely a Big Part of why xefros thinks so poorly of himself !!! and it likely influenced dammeks poor behavior

there are no adults to help them grow. they get animals that can protect them but never speak. and popular media, which seems to mostly be trizza going ‘LOOK AT ME im perfect and if you dont think so then imma Kill You :)’

they also likely dont know what a healthy moirallegiance looks like

as we’ve seen in the comic, the quadrants are really hard to navigate !!!! and all of the moirallegiances we’ve seen have been... not great except for meowrails, and even then its kinda iffy bc of how overprotective equius is

i do believe the Ideal moirallegiance would be similar to being qpps in this world, only a romance, because i do indeed believe it is a romantic feeling

i just dont think they have any good models to base their relationships off of :/

lastly: dammek likely has severe paranoia and is running a fucking revolution and is a c h i l d (same age as me but im aware that im a child that is still growing)

dammek is an anarchist that believes no one should own anything and that there should be no ruler of alternia.

unfortunately hes a little hypocritical, seeing as he puts his sign on a lot of things and all of his guns glow his blood color, and tends to act tyrannical

but anyways, hes running a revolution in an empire that kills you if you dont mow ur lawn

if one thing goes wrong. one single thing. him, xefros, and everyone involved will get killed without a second thought

so his paranoia is understandable

he obviously uses code allllll the time because his fear is that someone will notice and kill them, and his cameras on xefros’ house and room are likely so he can make sure his moirail is safe

he randomly tests xefros just in case they have to run

xefros says that dammek is the one pulling all of the strings

thats a lot of pressure for a 14-15 year old, especially if the consequence for messing up is mass murder of you and everyone youre working with

hes also !!! a child !!!!!! doing his best !!!!!! all of his mistakes are likely because no one has taught him that theyre not okay, and hes been given all of this power and influence

hes a bronzeblood w/ a highbloods position and he is on a power trip

earth will bring him back down, jude will likely tell him hes a jerk and teach him The True Meaning Of Friendship, and dammek will realize everything hes done to his moirail has been hurting him this whole time, and he will be crushed

i know i was every time someone told me i had been hurting them for so long

-

aaaaanyways huge long super rant about dammek over, i do think that what has happened to xefros is absolutely terrible and it hurts to think about how long hes been suffering like that !!!! i hope he gets to heal from it and that joey teaches him true friendship... like gosh

[p-r-i-c-e-r]

ayyy @hallow-yeen​ tagged me so i figure i’d answer it

How did you choose your name? i wanted to keep the same initials so i went with an “m” name and basically just went from there and got Marceline, which probably also subconsciously came from adventure time lol, and my middle name is from my trans friend in high school who picked it out lol

What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria)

my voice fucking makes me want to die extensively, also body hair

Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

probably a mix of both, my face and body are the physical, my voice and way i talk sometimes is probably the social What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

nothing really, i don’t have many coping methods :( What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

well idk really, but like i know as i kid i always wanted to play with girl stuff but got told not to When did you realize you were transgender?

probably early/mid sophomore year of high school cuz i found out that being trans was an actual thing What is your favorite part of being transgender?

i dont have to fake my existence as much as i used to lol How would you explain your gender identity to others?

trans woman, i’m a girl!!!!!!

How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

i made a long ass facebook post and then told my mom when she got home What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been?

uh none, i mean i wear a bra sometimes and i stick extra bra pads in them but idk if it even looks different What are your experiences with binding or tucking?

tucking isn’t too bad but it gets annoying when something slips out of place, also i tucked for like almost a week straight and my dong hated me lol Do you pass?

not in any way, shape, or form What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

i want to at least get electrolysis, possibly hormones, an orchiectomy cuz i know i’ll never afford a full transistion but i can at least feel a bit less dysphoric, and very unlikely, but i also would like vocal surgery How long have you been out?

idk maybe 4 years i think? What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

uh i think it’s just been trans lady, but like obvs before that i thought i was cis Have you ever experienced transphobia?

yeah, i was at a conference for key club (basically a huge group across my state) that was all weekend long, and two girls laughed and stared at me judgingly at the dance and i couldn’t get out because i was in a crowd of probably 200 people.  i also got called slurs, misgendered, and deadnamed a lot in high school What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

i almost always go to the womens restroom, but if i dont feel safe, i look for a unisex, and worst case i go to the mens and use a stall How does your family feel about your trans identity?

mom seems cool with it, her bf seems cool with it, my legal guardian who took legal care of me growing up and her husband aren’t great, but they try, my grandma was apparently cool with it but i haven’t got a chance to just talk to her about it one on one, extended family idk, probably not great but i know a few of them are very sweet so probably okay Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

no, i don’t want to hide who i am, the only time i ever sort of stealth is with legal documents and all that bullshit, so hopefully a legal name change will help with most of that What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

i’d tell her to be herself, don’t let other people control what you like, be forceful!!! make yourself heard when people try to suppress you! Why do you use the pronouns you use?

because i’m a girl and i love being referred to as such~ What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

being murdered or attacked physically, also being pubically called out in a bathroom What do you wish cis people understood?

I just want to be respected, i want them to understand that we are more than just genetics and genitals, read scientific studies, they literally almost all back us up as the gender we identify with you fucking idiots How do you feel about trans representation in media?

really bad, but shout out to griffin mcelroy for making lup, she means so much to me Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

hgggg, probably bree from MsBreezy on youtube, she’s a sweety~

Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

probably my friends and gf!!!!!!!! but like chelsea manning comes in second place lmao~

How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

uhhhhh i have trans friends online, but that’s about it What trans issue are you most passionate about?

Hey maybe stop saying we’re a mental illness, that’d be great What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

i’m grey-ace pansexual, and i'm kinda biromantic? but i lean mostly towards lesbian Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

i’d prefer a trans partner, but i’m sure there’s a few good cis peeps out there How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

i can’t handle it, i just want hormones and to modify my fuckin body Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

i have like one trans friend irl, also my cousin just came out as trans!!  but i dont have a way to contact him Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

i reblog shit when i can, but that’s the extent of it rn sadly :( Ask me anything!

imma tag some peeps this who may wanna do this, but if you dont wanna thats okay!!! @sadgayvamp @maxinima

[vehlika-pelican]

#Little Demon the Second Coming of Lavernius au - Master Chief finds out Long post maybe and im on mobile and can't do a read-more so you are WARNED: right so I'm a total spaz and forgot the most important supporting tidbit of the sangheili's misunderstanding of Tucker and Master Chief's relation: John-117 leads Spartan II Blue Team. Tucker is on Blue Team. and the sangheili are like oh these poor mammals think blue and green are the same (meanwhile reds are all the same to these dumb mandible-faces). anyways, they ask Tucker and he's like "yeah im on Blue Team, i've been a member for most of my adult life" but they don't get that Bloodgulch Blue Team and Spartan II Blue Team are very different entities so the Demon's Blue Team must logically be Little Demon's Blue Team !!!! and when coupled with their belief in family wearing matching colors dark green MC, and light (blue-ish) green Tucker MUST be related. so they think its like when theres both an adult's table and a kid's table at thanksgiving where the younger, lower ranking family members are in their area and the respectable, superior family members are in theirs but they are all ultimate seated within the same house. and imagine what'll happen as the Spartans come to discover this and it isn't at a proper debrief or whatever some Elite goes up to Master Chief and is like "i assure you, your hatchlings are well-cared for and growing impressively" or whatever and everyone on the UNSC Infinity is like "what." and some guy is like "the Spartans lay eggs?!" but no one corrects him and its a whole fiasco but the sangheili is just thinking "they make so much noise. the condition of the Demon's younglings must truly be of great concern." but John is just. "my..hatchlings?" and the sangheili just thinks he's choked up in worry right so he says, "yes! the oldest came to Sangheilios and has been trained by the Arbiter and the greatest warriors he has selected himself! and your grandchildren show much promise as well." Blue Team's like ???? but Frederick says "con...gratulations?" just in case and John goes "what do you mean? i don't have any... hatchlings?" but the sangheili thinks oh he must be an uncle or somesuch- YOU'RE NOT HELPING YOURSELF JOHN- and talks about Tucker and his very sangheili son and all the little hatchlings being kept safe on the colony world and Captain Lasky has to corale a bunch of towering Spartan IIs and aliens and intelligence people into a conference room like a herd of wild Cortanas in order to get this straight. and that's how Master Chief learns that the UNSC has been exploiting a misunderstanding in order to help interspecies relations and woops i guess you have a family now boss man but don't worry Tucker knows and we've had him playing along, don't worry he's pissed too (and we used him as part of a fucked up AI project but they say that part under their breath bcuz this man has gone rogue for AI) but he's out there liberating a colony from an oppressive regime and no he isn't available right now but- What Halsey tooketh, the UNSC giveth...back? returneth? (his family) so. the sangheili- goddamn it, Thel- developed a theory like a spark and let it burn down the whole planet. well, it can't be helped now because its been too long and we might hurt their feelings and we don't need anymore glassings, John, so get onboard please and thank you. but in the rush to clear this up with Chief and his Blue Team, the ship's crew has taken to this like just as much kindling (humans are THE gossips) and woops who knew Chief was sewing his wild oats all over the galaxy. #thotChief (i kinda regret this but not really) so ONI has to disclose some things about P. Freelancer because John refuses to do anything without as much intel as possible. so the sangheili think he had A Kid and that kid was chosen by heretics to be a savior, this poor guy was impregnated with an alien embryo and gave birth, yes he survived, but he got to Sangheilios before we got our hands on your "grandchild" and now they're too high profile to touch (Tucker must be a shrewd and clever bastard). Thel'Vadam accidentally started the rumor but it was a perfect way to smooth negotiations with them so Tucker's an official ambassador and we get access to all the things now and we're not very sorry. Master Chief just sighs and accepts his fate because peace is important and it's too established and will they ever stop fucking with his personal life? but Blue Team teases him by calling him "grandpa/gramps" "i didnt know you and the Arbiter were so close, John. when's the ceremony?" and "do you have pictures in your wallet" "you are mighty spry for a granddad." and then they learn about how many people are involved and John supposedly and really has to live with like 200 grandkids on Chorus and Son Tucker and Daughter-In-Law Carolina and Daughter-In-Law Kimball (kimbalina without Tucker involved with either one but the sangheili are poly as a species and they don't understand. they think Tuckalina happened and why would adults limit themselves to a single partner thats not good for genetic diversity although they REALLY dont get that Carolinas vagina ISNT a tennis ball machine regardless and they've lost all hope in explaining this shit) so he's got enough supposed grandkids to have several sport's teams or fill a small stadium and the teasing becomes "how was the soccer match? did you root for your grandkids or for your grandkids?" "how many minivans did you have to hitch together?" and its. fucking annoying. because he doesn't know any of these people and even if he did, John doesn't know how to have a family (aside from his team). but he has no choice now. Master Chief has to meet his "son". Meet this other Blue Team. Punch Thel a few times probably. and having a family isnt all that terrible. imma go hide now. blacklist "vehl's headcannons" if you dont want to keep seeing my stuff.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Indie

Rio: Are you sitting comfortably? Rio: Because I have POTENTIAL GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE Indie: im cotched baby ✌✌ come thru Indie: whats good? Rio: I found a place Rio: well, Buster did but 'low letting him get all the credit Rio: The lady just rang and said I can go see it at 4 Indie: IS IT??? omf dats so sick Indie: who did mckenna have to mesh like? Indie: bring me w i can leave school rn Rio: Yeah, I know right Rio: Jammy sod but we're well in with a chance as long as it's not like, nothing like the pics Rio: it's a bit outta the 24 but still only a bus ride in so Rio: [Sends said pics] What you think girl?! Indie: hes gon be flexin for days b ready for that 😂😏😂 Indie: bitch we movin up Indie: that place is bare hectic Indie: like a real madness Indie: 😍😍😍😍💖💖👑👑 Rio: 😏 Nothing out the ordinary then Rio: Yeah? I really like it too Rio: I'll swing by, say you've got dentist, whatever Rio: One of the rooms got an en-suite and everything like, no queues for the bathroom what Indie: this got me some type of way Indie: im hyped Indie: they gon let me keep 🐶 w us tho?? Rio: It didn't say nah so we're keeping it quiet but not not bringing him obvs Rio: keep up his training it ain't gonna be an issue, like Indie: BITCH WHAT IS THIS FEELIN Indie: tryna recognise it Indie: buzzin Rio: 🙌🙌🙌 Rio: I got a good feeling about it, it's near St Stephen's green like so Bomber can have walks and not have to worry about glass and shit everywhere Indie: bout to happy cry all up in this lesso Indie: n Indie: i can take my younger w too Rio: I love you babe Rio: it's gon' be so much better and Drew ain't got no claims or no key this time Rio: exactly, Ro be way more hyped letting her in these ends Indie: how this real?? it feels jokes Indie: heads are 👀ing me & i aint care Indie: ya girl havin some emotions step off it Rio: That's what I kept saying man Rio: like such an idiot like what, is this real life, nah, not me 😂 Rio: serious, they ain't know we living the good life, gotta go Indie: ITS HOW YOUR MANS BE LIVIN 💸💸💸 Indie: imma lips him Indie: soz bout it Rio: 😂 I'll let you live, you highkey in your emotions Rio: 'bout him though Rio: you're okay if he wanna live there too, when he comes for Uni? Rio: He doesn't have to, not like they don't have a house, not that far away, like Indie: babe you kno i aint tryna borrow your garms big love but like daddy delivers in all them ways and aint none of us vexiin Indie: he gotta respect my 🐶 mans but if they bros then yeah Rio: Yeah? Rio: Good Rio: we can do it on our own regardless but it'll be easier if he twos it Rio: and obvs, I want him there, ew 😜 Indie: imagine if you be like nah mckenna pay dem bills & dont be comin round 😂😂😂 Indie: its chill fr he aint no wasteman i be tryna avoid Indie: he havin his daddy moment Rio: Ain't tryna be that kinda daddy like soz taking away all dem perks Rio: Rude 😂 Rio: He loves you too, babe Indie: ri we all been knew what kinda wifey you gon b 😂😏😏😂 Indie: he comes for my gaming shit he getting merked tho keep that discipline fo yoself in your bed Rio: Hush child 🤐😏 Rio: Double hush, I don't even know if he 'bout that life so you safe Rio: though challenge him at ur own risk I ain't being part of that 🙄 Indie: thats how it gon b i 👀 Indie: i got a serious q but i aint tryna bring the mood ⬇ Rio: Seen not heard, with you? Doubt that 😉 Rio: go for it Indie: drew cant stop me innit Indie: like for real Rio: I don't see how, like Rio: who's he going to to 'fight' for you Rio: where's his case for us not looking after you/him ever doing it Indie: ✌✌✌✌✌ Indie: he probs not even gon show but Indie: he always coming to take me from home wen i was lil u kno Rio: I know baby Rio: but he never could keep you Rio: and lbr you gonna be actual grown soon, he really ain't got a leg to stand on, I promise, even if he comes through chattin' Indie: i love you Indie: more than Rio: I love you too, it's gonna be so legit, promise Rio: all the shit we liked from our old, but better too Indie: true man we did the most but that yard was clapped Indie: it was a time & imma miss it but this b a better one Indie: a fucking extra hype era or some shit Rio: 👑 Rio: that's the vibe Rio: can bring the 24 realness with without the bullshit, yeah Indie: innit tho Indie: lowkey repin for all my years but Indie: bitch im 🔥🔥⬆⬆ Rio: We should celebrate 'fore we go Rio: also you need diff garms 'cos not showing up with you in uniform like I'm your single muvva Rio: giving the game away shh Indie: lets break into our former & give it the send off it shoulda had Indie: ruuuude Indie: you is my ma deal w that Indie: still sexy w it so Rio: nah shadier to let him keep it Rio: welcome for the glo up boy Rio: 💋 i'll take it Indie: 😂😂😂😂 Indie: im only vexed cos he aint had my baby sis there but you kno he bringin them other young girls back how he do Indie: waste Rio: 😬 Rio: too real Rio: too gross Rio: does anyone know if he's tried to talk to ro or they have orrrr Rio: like what's going on fr Indie: she blockin hardcore Indie: she dont want him near but from what i 👀 & 👂 he aint tryna reach anyway Rio: 😒 Rio: even if he did just to say i know u don't want me here but if u do Rio: bare minimum Rio: whatever Rio: their drama, not ours Rio: we gettin' good Indie: fr if he aint tryna see her i is Indie: she got real fam Indie: & me too Indie: we all good Rio: mhmm Rio: him doing his part on him Rio: we all doing ours Rio: she's cute then, yeah? Indie: o you aint seen Indie: my bad Indie: u wanna? Rio: nah not yet, like it weren't explicitly stated but Rio: we know she don't want me near either Indie: i got you Indie: ill bring her to you mama Indie: my girls can meet Rio: Are you sure? Rio: idk if she letting her out of her sight like that yet Indie: its chill man Indie: if step ma be startin i got the other to back me Rio: We'll sort that Saturday yeah Rio: can't be giving her the cribs exclusive or the estate agent will be coming at me with catchment areas fr Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: boo how we celebratin Indie: mckenna aint here thats dry Indie: boy earned his place Rio: I know 😕 Rio: we go out and do it again when he is Rio: we keep it lowkey for now, get some food 'forehand 'cos know you ravenous Rio: then if we fucking with it we can get something extra that we gon' need Indie: truuuuuuu Indie: yeah girl this is beast Indie: im so about it Rio: It's a new block so if we get it we can be in there like, straight away Rio: no one has to move out, it ain't trashed Rio: 😍 Indie: safe Indie: can i roll out the school gates now cos ☁ 9 mood Indie: floating like Rio: I'm omw to pick you but lemme call 'em and you can roll out and meet me somewhere else 'cos I'm still like 15mins away Indie: 😍😍😍😍 Indie: I'll be boardin & 🚬 catch me wen Rio: 👍 Indie: here i be thinkin my day was bare decent cos a lad chirpsin me in the science lab Indie: naaaaaah bitch Rio: Ooh Rio: 'bout it tho Rio: made School worth attending Indie: innit he just rolled up Indie: new boy vibes Rio: 😍 Rio: literally never happened when i was here so rude Rio: known everyone from day 1, blessin' n curse Rio: gimme deets as they come in tho Indie: ikr but its bare long in the year to be criss and showin face 1st time Indie: suspect Rio: wys Rio: he a 30 spy pretending to be a kid orr Indie: idk Indie: but if he a fed he looking fresh on it Rio: 😂 Rio: Mystery, love that Rio: only one way to find out Indie: but like Indie: can i? Rio: Why not? Indie: u kno Rio: Yeah Rio: Take everything at your pace, however that be Rio: this is just chatting we talking about, you good Indie: yeah i can trust innit Indie: bills is right not all lads be like Rio: yeah, if he get it twisted off a convo then he the thirsty cringe one Rio: give it a shot Indie: he so lush lookin tho 😍😍😍 i been knew i said this afore but actual Indie: 👼🏿 Rio: so 'bout that Rio: defs why you wanted to bounce tho Rio: not want me 👀 like the nosy ma I is 😉 Indie: nah dont want him spying you cos you 🔥😍👑 Rio: 😏 gas up your old woman Rio: never gon' say no Indie: you kno its the mood of the century Indie: mckenna beggin for you still Rio: Hope so Rio: need that rent boy Indie: can always shot the 💍 baby Indie: 💎💎💸💸💸💸 Rio: 😭 Rio: Baby no Indie: jam babe i got jokes Indie: we playin Rio: I can't Rio: if he bounce I gonna just wear it forever Rio: awkward for him, soz Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: he too cuffed to run now Rio: Thanks Ann Summer Indie: i aint never been there Indie: soz bout it Indie: sure she a real one Rio: it's a bit retro these days but you know Rio: not missing much babe Indie: 👌👌 Indie: all lube & lace yeah? Rio: 😂 in a word Indie: no catch me rollin up then i aint need none Rio: okay babe Rio: lemme know if you need anything though, I got you Indie: you wild Indie: what you think i need ma? Rio: well idk Rio: not gonna give you ideas you ain't have but s'a whole world beyond ann and her rabbit Indie: 😂😂😂 Indie: you always tryna get me riding batteries Rio: i am not 😂 make me sound like such a wrongen Rio: tryna make sure u know what u want Indie: we been knew i dont Indie: going for those wronguns myself Rio: gotta explore babygirl Indie: 😒🤔 Rio: Not now, like Rio: we busy bitches Indie: catch me on the street bein indecent hold up Rio: 😏 behave Rio: got mark on your name as is Indie: what you sayin bout Rio: that police always after you without that madness Indie: keepin things fresh for the jakes and the rollers least Indie: they welcome Rio: miss me with that underage bait gurl 😏 Indie: 👌👌👌👌 Indie: 👵 Rio: 😡 cheeky bitch Indie: 💋 Indie: big love baby Rio: I see u Rio: get in 'fore I give you a love tap, like Indie: keep it peaceful Indie: ✌✌ Rio: 💋

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀

[comicteaparty]

July 6th, 2017 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on July 6th, 2017, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on Oops Comic Adventure by Cyndi Foster and Jeramy Hobz.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

Good day everyone~! This week’s Comic Tea Party is now officially beginning. Today we are discussing Oops Comic Adventure by Cyndi Foster and Jeramy Hobz ~! (https://tapas.io/series/Oops-Comic-Adventure-3) For those new to CTP, discussions about the comic are freeform, so please feel free to bring up whatever you wish. However, every 30 minutes I will be dropping in a discussion question to help those who would like a prompt. These questions are totally OPTIONAL to answer so pay them no mind if you wish~! Remember, constructive criticism is allowed, but the primary focus here is to have fun and appreciate the amazing comics that the community makes~! Each chat a top comment will be picked and featured on an ad for this chat, so let’s have a great discussion~! With that said, let us begin with this first question~!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

DracoPlato

hmmmm

I liked when Oops used the magic to escape the library, and when the wood elves let us hear his thoughts

RebelVampire

i wonder if hell learn to be a telepath from the wood elves. laugh in the face of his sacrifice cause he found a loophole to get around it

DracoPlato

I think it'll go that way since they introduced it as something he needs to learn. Either that or he'll break the seal on him and be able to talk again. Although the convenience of the wood elves knowing thought magic and wanting to teach it to him leads me to think that'll be pursued despite his current failure of their test

RebelVampire

i assumed tbh that he hadnt failed the test and everything thats happening at current is actually still part of the dream

and its part of the test so he can let go of his issues or whatever

clear the mind and all that

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

my favorite scene is the scene where they first meet the forest guardian XD

the "it could be the tree you kicked in the face" line was hilarious

DracoPlato

yeah i'd wondered that too rebel, if it was still just part of the dream

that was a good one too AE~! XD

I like that the forest guardian can transfer conciousness through various vegetation(edited)

RebelVampire

i liked that the forest guardian is a troll and put faces on the flowers just to freak oops out XD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah though the trick he played on oops with the flowers was genius but dirty too

lol!

rebel and i think alike

DracoPlato

hahaha, I liked that scene too XD where the flower he tries to replant with the face facepalms into the dirt XD

RebelVampire

granted to be fair i dont think i wouldve liked the scene if talon hadnt of shown up and scolded the forest guardian. told him to stop playing shenanigans with the flowers

mathtans

I kinda liked the rat being beat up by trees...

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah true

lol maths!

mathtans

I didn't get all the way through again this week though. ^.^

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i love plague XD

DracoPlato

that's okay Maths~!

I like Plague too, but I also really like rodents, lol

mathtans

I find plague really annoying actually. x.x That's why I like when things kinda remind him he should be grateful for being alive by smacking him around.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

the creator did great facial expressions on him

RebelVampire

i dont actually care for plague either but that in large has to do hes too energetic for rebel. rebel cannot fathom having that much energy

DracoPlato

yeah! I like Plague more later on than in the beginning, when he was playing pranks in the city i wanted to punch him XD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

i wanted to duct tape his lips

mathtans

Yeah, for me it was like, you've been brought back from the dead! Given the ability to speak! Amazing magic, what will you do with it! "Imma gonna bug people." .... ... Though I gather the idea is Oops' tendency for shenanigans was given to him with the voice.

Also, I'm a cat person.

DracoPlato

yeah that was my assumption too, was that Plague took on traits from Oops, since Oops became much more low key after that as well

RebelVampire

another thing i really didnt get about plague in the beginning is his constant desire to beat Oops up XD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

and i dont think oops ever got to eat XD

mathtans

He got to eat charades.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

RebelVampire

at least he can eat plague if he gets desperate. unless plague really has the plague. which might be the case.

DracoPlato

but plague is his one true friend, gosh

mathtans

Rebel: Guess Oops had something of a self-depreciating piece that he passed on?

DracoPlato

oh that is true tho

cause of the thoughts we hear later in his head

RebelVampire

well id assume anyway cause i mean oops is an orphan living on the streets. that is not the most self esteem building of positions to be in

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah

mathtans

Guy talks to rats, after all.

DracoPlato

i dunno, it could be

be like i'm so awesome, don't need a job, just steal what i need. No entanglements to tie me down

mathtans

Like Aladin?

DracoPlato

actually i would have liked to of spent more time with Oops before him losing his voice, I feel like the time we got wasn't very fulfilling

yus

mathtans

It was a bit hard to get his character when he had nothing he could say. I'm not sure about delaying the voice loss and magic, but maybe if he'd been able to think out loud more?

DracoPlato

yeah, for me he in general seems super flat and uninteresting. Before and after losing his voice

mathtans

Like, his character as established was kind of carefree from how he acted and cared about animals but tortured in terms of having no friends and living on stolen food.

DracoPlato

since we're never in his headspace that much

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah i had to go back and make sure he had a voice at first

mathtans

I wasn't sure which way to feel about him.

DracoPlato

same

i'm still not sure how to feel

it didn't nail me enough to be empathetic before making him mute

and then when he was mute it was hard to be attached since most of our time is spent through plague

mathtans

Though we also had the Knight early on! He was nice.

DracoPlato

yeah! I'm much more empathetic towards him

RebelVampire

i actually wish we couldve learned more about the city over oops. cause at this point i have to wonder if oops lives on the street by choice or if the evil king said "nope no orphanages" and i feel like a lot of the king's evil is said more than its shown. so i feel like the story tries to mix in a heavier conflict early on without giving us a lot to get attached by

DracoPlato

yeah, i agree with that too

since they mention saving the city but we don't really know what's wrong with the city well enough to care

mathtans

Well, there was the apple cart vendor who couldn't afford taxes. Seems like the king's taking the money, then the knights are taking everything else because they're his instruments.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah i dont know how to feel about that knight

he wants to be kind to the civilians but really hates oops

mathtans

Yeah, I'm a bit conflicted about that too AE.

He's also nice to animals.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah feeding them rotten apples XD

RebelVampire

to be fair to the knight i dont think he hates oops. he just doesnt think disrespect should go unpunished cause as far as he knows it was oops who assaulted him. and then oops kindve resisted arrest which is also a crime XD

DracoPlato

taxes are such a common city trope issue though that it's hard to feel like oh no that's a serious evil that needs magical powers to address

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

well to be fair the entire beginning of the story is a trope XD

DracoPlato

whispers the whole story is a trope

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i kept thinking of aladin

XD

DracoPlato

nah aladdin was more awesome

he had floofy pants

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

LOL

DracoPlato

and uh no shirt, just that tiny vest

mathtans

I actually didn't think of Aladin at all until the street thing was brought up here. ^^

Oops has a hat.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

he has a link hat

XDDD

RebelVampire

i thought of aladdin when they started calling him street rat

mathtans

He's the missing link?

RebelVampire

was waiting for them to be like "hes the diamond in the rough"

DracoPlato

looooool

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

though once plague happened it made a nice original twist

and oops failing the test says a lot since normally the 'hero' gets through everything perfectly

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. In Chapter 5 of the comic, it’s implied that the evil King Hectric Tepper may have once been a great king whom had the trust of the Rapio Clan. What do you think happened to turn him evil? Is this an imposter king? Did something terrible happen?

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

probably a thirst for power once he got the talisman

DracoPlato

I dunno, heroes struggle in tropes a lot too(edited)

2. Oh I dunno, I honestly didn't care enough to think about it

since he seemed like generic bad guy to me

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

so im thinking he's oops' father

DracoPlato

Ooooh

mathtans

I only got to starting Chapter 5. ^^ But I like theorizing. Maybe he went evil when Oops was born, a prophecy or something.

RebelVampire

if i wanna be really cliche about it, i assume oops is his kid and he went crazy after he thought oops was killed

mathtans

Like "magic will be your downfall" and the King's all "screw that, ban all the magics".

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

DracoPlato

maybe the king was power hungry and wanted to be the most powerful person so he forbid magic for everyone else

and oops could still be his son, just the king lost himself in his quest for power

mathtans

Maybe the Queen died and he was real sad about it.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

true we dont hear anything about oops mom

DracoPlato

oh that could be

i'm so used to stories glossing over a missing parent I tend not to think about it anymore

RebelVampire

granted this is assuming the king is for sure oops' father. it may not be

DracoPlato

granted at the heart of the story is him trying to find his family

mathtans

Maybe the Queen was killed by magic, so the King banned all the magic and the magic is what was making him good.

RebelVampire

maybe we have a batman and robin thing going on where his wife got sick and now shes suspended in a stasis until she can get better

mathtans

Maybe the Knight is Oops' father?

DracoPlato

oh i like that theory

RebelVampire

now thatd be a twist

DracoPlato

that'd explain the story's focus on him too

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

hey i said that already =p

DracoPlato

oh no

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

oh wait no

i read that wrong

DracoPlato

it must have been when i was yelling at my dogs to stop using the litter box as a sandbox

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

I do think the knight has some kind of past

DracoPlato

i think he has to have some connection to Oops for him to be treated with such importance in story

RebelVampire

maybe he's oops brother

DracoPlato

that could be

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

all the family!

mathtans

But he doesn't recognize Oops because of the pale skin now.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

oops and talon get married and the knight brother and the evil king dad XDDD

DracoPlato

we found your family for you Oops

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

though there was one other part

RebelVampire

maybe none of those ppl are his family. but oops marries talon and learns family is what you make it.

DracoPlato

a bunch of bird cats

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

when the elder talked about the spell gone wrong and oops being bonded with plague

mathtans

Bonded. James bonded.

DracoPlato

loooooool

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

what if the spell the elder put on the talisman for the king was also done wrong

and the elder has a bond too

RebelVampire

that would explain maybe why the elder seems to feel so obligated to fix everything.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol maybe the elder is oops dad and the spell turned him into a griffin

mathtans

Or just traded minds with.

DracoPlato

that'd be intriguing

altho since it's an all ages story i doubt it'll do too many complex twists

RebelVampire

shhh draco

shhh

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

mathtans

The King is really Oops who travelled back in time and went evil from not being around Plague!

DracoPlato

man i would love that

mathtans

That's a bit complex.

DracoPlato

being your own enemy

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

that would be cool

DracoPlato

there's no way it's going that route

RebelVampire

for some reason that scene where the elder talks about plague and oops being bonded made me feel like he was subtly telling plague that plague has to die at some point for oops to succeed

DracoPlato

I could see that

since plague is really just part of Oops

mathtans

Die again, basically.

DracoPlato

I think at best Plague could live as a normal rat, but it seems like he'd have to give up his Oops traits for Oops to be whole

RebelVampire

"his Oops traits" XD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

DracoPlato

I'm hoping Oops has a real name XD

and that his parents weren't just complete jerks

RebelVampire

his name is hectric jr.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol!!

DracoPlato

oops hectic jr.

mathtans

It's Oolong Ortega Percival the Sixth. OOPS for short.

RebelVampire

my apologies. should be more formal. Prince Hectric Tepper II

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

hahahaha

mathtans

Though I don't mind it as a name.

RebelVampire

i feel like were making his name worse, not better

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

hahaha

DracoPlato

lolol

Orvil Octavis Phineas Susan

mathtans

A boy named Sue?

RebelVampire

i have mixed feelings about his name. like, i dont mind it persay. but at the same time feel like its just asking ppl to say "so oops huh so are you an accident because you were unplanned or an accident cause your parents didnt want you or were you so clumsy you somehow fell as a newborn"

mathtans

What are the names of other people in the world? Maybe it's fantasy normal.

DracoPlato

so far it is fantasy normal it seems

RebelVampire

we only really know hectric tepper and talon but talon probably named herself

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol i thought tepper was weirder than oops

DracoPlato

I've watched too much anime, nothing is that weird to me now

mathtans

What was the name of the girl?

RebelVampire

tepper rhymes with pepper which goes with salt. its how you know the king is salty

DracoPlato

Talon

so deep

mathtans

Right.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i like that rebel XD

RebelVampire

so i remember talon said she named all the gryphons. so does that mean she named malice O_O and in that case that seems like a mean name to give someone

DracoPlato

I thought that was a pretty mean name too XD

like geezus talon, what did he do to you

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Much like Oops, Talon is an orphan. However, Talon had the fortune of being raised by the gryphons. Do you think Talon’s past will come into play during the story? What do you think of Talon and what will Talon’s fate be?

mathtans

Nice segue.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

I didnt really get the feeling that Talon's past was important... it was just like yeah im an orphan then the story moved on

it didn't focus on her like it did say...the knight

DracoPlato

yeah i agree with AE

so far we haven't been lead to believe that her side of the story is that important

mathtans

Maybe Oops used to be a gryphon.

DracoPlato

yeah i was wondering that too Math

RebelVampire

so far O_O but always room for doubt

DracoPlato

cause he has wings and stuff, an important gryphon

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

She just seems to have been put there to be the love interest XD

DracoPlato

yeah, which kind of bugged me tbh

with him falling in love with her at first sight, i wish the story hadn't done that since it kind of jaded my feelings for her

mathtans

Like, it informs his character more than hers?

DracoPlato

or that she's just there to be a love interest for him rather than being her own character

which she's a girl living with a bunch of gryphons, it's not like her side of the story wouldn't be interesting

RebelVampire

as far as the love interest thing tho, it bugs me more that it hinted at it....then completely dropped it as a plot point. like the two hang out together sure, but theres no overtly romantic overtones to it. and its not like there are other humans for oops to hang out with XD

DracoPlato

yeah, that bugged me too

that it was dropped, lol

cause they did the thing and then didn't commit to it XD and then it was just a random thing to Oops' personality

RebelVampire

which talon has the potential to be really interesting. so its gonna be a shame if her past at least with the gryphons is never discussed more.

DracoPlato

yeah i agree, it'd be a waste of a potentially interesting story point

atm i don't feel like it's going to touch there

Feather, Duke of Comedic Timing

I read the first bit and I think it is really nice. So far love the style going on.

DracoPlato

yeah it does have a really nice style

it was really easy to read too

mathtans

It's got that flowy down the page thing to good effect.

Like, when things are falling or such.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah i agree

DracoPlato

the random back to BW in the middle was a bit annoying tho

RebelVampire

if were talking about art style idk. i mean i was okay at first but i feel like the comic tweaks it a lot. like the jump from B&W to color is jarring. not that the color isnt appreciated. just as a bulk read its really sudden.

DracoPlato

since it was hard to recognize the gryphons in BW

yeah, it was jarring

I think they planned to color it all so something must have happened

mathtans

The covers are, like, done by guest artists or something, aren't they?

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah

mathtans

That was neat.

Like, nice way to spotlight some other people.

DracoPlato

yeah that is cool

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah its a nice way to promote other people

mathtans

I liked how when Plague was introduced he was sort of seen as eeevil and then art style after that was cute mousy.

I really know very little about art though. >.<

RebelVampire

i have mixed feelings about the covers. as someone who can appreciate supporting other indie artists, i think its nice. but as a reader who writes reviews, it gets really disruptive to the flow sometimes.

DracoPlato

the covers didn't bother me

and i liked that about plague too math(edited)

RebelVampire

yeah admittedly the change from the more realistic rat to plague was entertaining and i think suits the story

DracoPlato

My biggest art gripe was the inconsistency in Oops' design, particularly in the beginning

it was kind of all over the place

and they call him a kid but he didn't really look like a kid in the beginning

i mean maybe a teen, but not a little kid

RebelVampire

to be fair i call teens kids XD

but yeah

honestly im still not sure what age im supposed to assume he is

same with talon tho to a degree

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i didn't pay that much attention to that XD

mathtans

I guess I just didn't even think about it.

Actually, I remember right after the magic, I wondered if Oops had been shrunk down to rat size.

RebelVampire

hard to say cause i mean he did transfer traits to plague

DracoPlato

i don't think he's rat size

but he may have gotten shorter?

or the art is just inconsistent, lol

he does look more like a kid in the more recent pages though

i assume talon is a kid by her appearance, since she doesn't really have boobs

mathtans

I'm really bad for doing heights in my own strip, so that's something else I don't think about.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah me too

i tend to forget height ratios

DracoPlato

I use that comparing height site to help

http://www.mrinitialman.com/OddsEnds/Sizes/sizes.html

mathtans

That assumes you give your characters a height.

DracoPlato

w-why wouldn't i

mathtans

...cuz I... don't do that...? Ahem.

DracoPlato

I mostly do it cause i set up 3d mock ups of my scenes, so it helps for the humanoid dummy i have, haha

mathtans

Oh, that's clever. ... Anyway. Gryphons are big.

RebelVampire

ya know, plague keeps referring to the gryphons as cats, but i really just cant see it besides the fluffy tails they have

DracoPlato

saaaaaame

XD

mathtans

I thought Plague had vision issues.

DracoPlato

i thought he didn't know what a bird was for awhile XD but then he said birds

I think it's a joke that just didn't work out since the gryphons look nothing like cats, lol

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol beaked cats

mathtans

Maybe "gryphon" in the mouse language translates to "cat".

DracoPlato

lolol, benefit of a doubt XD

RebelVampire

but to be fair i guess a lot of it is in their body movement to a degree. just cant get past the non cat appearance personally

DracoPlato

it's sad i thought rebel isn't going to buy the cat nickname for them

while reading it XD

RebelVampire

its true cause rebel loves cats. rebel will be critical on this point

QUESTION 4. Intermingled with Oops’ quest is the quest of the magical clans to stop King Hectric Tepper. However, between Oops being a novice magic user and betrayals on the rise (i.e. Malice), the war may not go so well. How do you think the war will play out? Will there be casualties? Will everyone get their happily ever after?

DracoPlato

since it's an all ages comic i doubt it'll get really bloody

RebelVampire

ppl can have bloodless deaths XD i mean technically they killed off plague already

DracoPlato

that's true

albeit plague was a rat

O_O

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

if anyone dies...i think plague and malice are good candidates

DracoPlato

yeah

mathtans

There will be the equivalent of "people trapped below decks". A pit or something.

Speculation.

DracoPlato

i think most likely there'll be a universal awakening amongst the people

RebelVampire

i think elder gryphon is destined for death cause hes old and i think bit off more than he can chew. hes gonna die and be like "oops its all up to you now."

DracoPlato

of good over evil

i could see elder dying, yeah

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

yeah

mathtans

You didn't capitalize Oops there, so I read it differently.

DracoPlato

he has that old wise man mark of death on him

mathtans

Er,

DracoPlato

looool

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

hahahaha draco

if yer old and wise and in a story...yer gonna die XD

DracoPlato

yus

mathtans

Maybe some townspeople will be recruited? Like that nice old guy in the library?

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i want that old guy to come back in the story

i liked him

DracoPlato

i liked him too

mathtans

"My apprentice and his pet"

RebelVampire

yeah i really liked the old guy in the library. i think he was a cool dude cause he tried to help oops for no reason other than hes a cool dude

DracoPlato

so far the nicest person in the comic

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

maybe he hides a secret

OOO

DracoPlato

secretly the main bad guy

mathtans

He's Oops' father!

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

what if he ends up being one of the elders of the other tribes

DracoPlato

oh that'd be interesting

RebelVampire

thatd be interesting although hard to imagine

but i dont remember who the other tribes were

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

well since the wood tribe had scouts to make sure of people before revealing themselves...could be the same for the others

what better scout place than in a library

RebelVampire

hed have to be a rock druid.

mathtans

The telepathy thing might come in handy there.

DracoPlato

yeah, definitely

RebelVampire

i wonder if the rock druids will be actual rocks

mathtans

Talking rocks like the talking stump?

DracoPlato

looool, like the ones in Frozen XD

RebelVampire

gonna sing about how oops is a little bit of a fixer upper

DracoPlato

tries to marry him with talon

mathtans

Or Plague.

DracoPlato

omg

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

lol

mathtans

Actually, what is religion in this world?

DracoPlato

i couldn't figure it out

the elves had meditation and clearing your mind

mathtans

Just wondering if it got more defined past what I read.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

nope

mathtans

I didn't get to the elves. ^_^

DracoPlato

so far there's been no mention of a god, so maybe druidism or a call back to nature

RebelVampire

not really. since this is an all ages comic i doubt religion will play a heavy factor

DracoPlato

yeah, i super doubt it will to

mathtans

Just got me wondering about priests, what with the marriage talk.

RebelVampire

i say this and watch as the king is like "must become god of this world."

DracoPlato

nah i wondered too when reading it

since i feel like it's teetering on the edge of religion with some of the ideas it touches on

but nothing concrete

if anything it'd be a fantasy religion i think

mathtans

I wonder if there's disguise magic.

DracoPlato

yeah there is!

cause one of the elves later on takes on the form of Oops

mathtans

Oh! So that could be relevant in the battle too.

RebelVampire

hmmm in retrospect, the elder gryphon said he wanted to teach oops soul magic later, so maybe thats when religion may become relevant

DracoPlato

yeah, that could be when i raised an eyebrow to it

and the Hound was previously a gryphon

so there's a hint of reincarnation

and then the elves being into meditation

mathtans

I thought that was transmogriphication not reincarnation.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i loved the forgiveness part with the hound

DracoPlato

could be, i was a bit confused about what was going on with the hound tbh

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

that is a long word XD

DracoPlato

reincarnation is usually a mess in most stories, lol

mathtans

(I didn't get to the elves but read the Q&A and thought I saw something in there about Hound being turned.)

DracoPlato

yeah there was!

I stumbled on that too, haha

mathtans

I think I spelled it wrong too, AE. ^^

DracoPlato

i'm not sure if i want it to explore religious themes or not

for the kind of story it is

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i like it the way it is

DracoPlato

yeah, i'd really rather it not, hahah(edited)

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

it would make a neat rpg game XD

DracoPlato

yeah it would! the simplicity works in it's favor

in that regard

RebelVampire

i think this comic would make a good snes area game cause for some reason it makes me think of like the old snes lion king and aladdin games

DracoPlato

it reminded me of those games too XD

somehow

mathtans

Maybe Plague can have a chef game like Ratatouille. ^.^

DracoPlato

omg XDD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

hahahaha

RebelVampire

plague in cooking mama

mathtans

Actually, mayhap they'll come across other fantastical creatures.

Maybe he's called "Oops" because he was meant to be a gryphon or dragon and his parents were "He's human, Oops."

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

LOL

mathtans

I speculate too much.

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

i actually like that

DracoPlato

omg that'd be awesome XD

AngelicEmpyress of Chromacity

a failed experiment

mathtans

He was born from magic!

DracoPlato

i like that route

RebelVampire

maybe oops has no mother at all

was just magicked into existence

but hectric gave oops his good traits

thus why evil

mathtans

Ooooh! Nice twist there.

Like, Oops was created in a similar way to how Plague was created.

DracoPlato

Oooooooh

RebelVampire

Unfortunately, the scheduled Comic Tea Party is now complete~! Thank you everyone so much for joining this week’s chat~! That being said, if you would like to continue discussing the comic, we encourage you to do so~! We want to give a big thank you to Cyndi Foster and Jeramy Hobz, as well, for volunteering Oops Comic Adventure for our reading queue. If you liked the comic, please be sure to support Cyndi Foster and Jeramy Hobz’s efforts. If you have questions, concerns, or suggestions about CTP, please feel free to PM me, or e-mail me at rebelvampire@startfaire.com.

With that said, next week’s Comic Tea Party will focus on Soul Hymn by DracoPlato. Please use this week to read as much of the comic as you would like. Hope to see you next Thursday (July 13th) from 5PM to 7PM PST~! Until then~! Comic: http://khyatix.com/soulhymn.shtml

[trekking-out-jims-ass]

Hurts like hell pt.1

When you reach June 1 listen to this and read it because this is what inspired me to write it and inspired the title have fun: https://youtu.be/pUlX8ltm_JU May 28 It has been months since I was able to talk to Jim, ever since that incident with Khan he has been in a coma for almost.... what maybe 4 months now. I haven't been been able to sleep or eat for that matter, I know i have depression and I have tried countless times to get some kind of help but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. One of the people I who I went to said I should write a journal about everything I guess. I find writing to be better than typing or talking to some machine to record my voice. For some reason it's more relaxing to write shit down on paper. Anyways, earlier today I was late for one of my appointments and I guess my therapist got concerned and sent Spock to my apartment to check on me. All he did was find me in my bed relaxing I hadn't even shaved in maybe 3 or 4 days it was rather embarrassing for him to even see me like this. He forced me to get up and get dressed which I hated him for which is dumb but whatever everyone wants to stay in their bed when they are this low right?? After that we just went home in silence, we always do because after I go and see Jim hoping maybe by some miracle he would be alive, but once we got there of course he wasn't awake. So I just talked to him while Spock just hung out in the room looking at old files or something?? I don't know, I just know I was more focused on Jim more than anything, but after that I don't remember anything else. I did wake up in my bed though, so I am assuming Spock brought me home Anyways I'm ending todays entry here later I guess?? P.s. I did nothing but cry on V-day, haha I miss him that much i guess.. May 31 So today was just exhausting, I finally went back to work after several months. They didn't want me working with anything sharp so I was just doing everything that a nurse does, except for giving shots thats the only other thing I couldn't do. There were several of my friends asking how I was doing and as always I said "Okay." Honestly that word has become so foreign to me that its weird when it comes out of my mouth. Anyways besides me and my little rant maybe, I don't know what that was. I left work sometime after dealing with one last patient I made sure I saw Jim told him about my day and just left. They have been asking more for months if I just wanna.. pull the plug and trust me I do want to. I want Jim to stop living like this and move on but I just can't. And Spock said he won't make that decision for me unless I really need him too, and honestly I he should just.. do it for me. God I fucking hate talking about this it really kills me inside. Spock picked me up and we drove in silence until i spoke up and told him he needed to make the decision. All he did was nod he didn't say anything until we got to my apartment "are you sure that to do this?" And I had nodded finally speaking once again "no one deserves to live like that Spock." He once again nodded I knew he was hurting probably just as much as me. He had lost a best friend. Theres nothing interesting that happened after that, I mean if you count me crying over the fact that tomorrow will be the day where Jim will officially dies then I guess thats interesting. June 1 Welp.. Today is the fucking day I officially die on the inside I took the day off and they gave me the rest of the week off honestly. I slowly got up from my bed and got dressed everything just felt so fucking heavy, like I wasn't in my own body. I didn't eat, I didn't really want too. Spock had came inside, I had given him the spare key that Jim always used. Of course I didn't tell him that because I know he would have made me keep it. I personally picked the key out for Jim It was an all pink key with a few hearts on it, the paint has been scratched off due to all the times Jim has used it before. Maybe I should take that key back and give him mine, now I love that key I don't wanna part with it is the only piece that I have left of Jim. So honestly I did take it back and gave Spock mine, i told him it was Jim's key and he understood. On the way there I just started thinking about all the great times Jim and I had my favorite one is the day Jim and I had our first legitimate kiss. We just came back from our first date it went horrible because we probably got the worst waiter their, he was just a complete asshole the whole time and had said some kind of shit about him and I finally had enough and snapped. It got us kicked out and Jim and I just walked back home I was mad about what had happened, I had my hands in my pockets and he put his hand in there and grabbed mine and smiled at me. It calmed me down he was always able too unless if we were in space then it would just take a lot more. Once we got home he turned my head towards him and he kissed me right on the lips, it was nice and passionate no tongue or nothing just passionate and I absolutely loved it. I smiled just a little bit thinking about it, the warmth was so great and now Imma never get it again. I snapped out of my trance if thinking about Jim when Spock actually placed a hand on my shoulder trying to get my attention apparently I was crying, and i didn't feel the tears fall until now and he had stopped the car near a café and I just I guess broke apart. Screaming about how much i hate Khan, how much I hate Jim for doing what he did because I would have been dead with him. This would be the first time Spock would see me cry like as if I was a kid who lost their first pet. He had said something through his telepathy since we were after all touching at this point and it was something that I had always told Jim "It's never good to bottle up your emotions." He was right honestly. This was the first time in months since I had actually cried in front of someone. And here is Spock now seeing it. It was a good 20 minutes before i finally just said for him to start the car once again and he did. Once we were at the hospital Spock had told them that today will be the day we pull the plug but also told them I needed an hour or so. All I did was stare at him breathing lightly like if he was just taking some nap, and soon he will just blink those pretty blues of his and smile with that tired ass smile like he just woke up. I was begging to whatever the fuck was up there to give him back, to let me have him for one more day. Just to hear his voice, hear his laugh and just to see that inanimate body moving to whatever music we listened to when he cooked, when we cleaned, or when we were sorting out some files. I grabbed his hand hoping he would just grab on and tell me he was alive and i just had to wait a little longer. But thats just a fantasy, one where Jim is alive and well and we live out our days together space or not. We would get married and maybe have a kid when the times right. But we both know thats fucking bullshit now huh? He's dead and imma stay stuck with the mind set that Jim is gonna spring back to life and hug me and tell me it's alright. After an hour the nurses, doctors and Spock came in. Spock grabbed me and dragged me out while i was screaming at Jim to wake up. I screamed like my fucking life deepened on it. I was even thrashing about like someone being kidnapped in my mind i pictured that he sprang up and ran over giving me hugs and tender kisses. Then the harsh reality came, Jim was officially gone now and he would no longer step foot in out apartment, say my little nickname, call me little pet names, or tell me he loved me. I wouldn't hear his soft breathing as he laid there in a sleep like death. It was over and done with his cute smile, laugh, eyes everything that I LOVED ABOUT THAT MAN DIED BECAUSE OF DAMNED SUPER HUMAN!! HE TOOK AWAY MY EVERYTHING!! MY SECOND CHANCE IN THE WORLD!! He's just gone now. Im writing this at 10:00 pm right now, Spock is out side in the living room he said he is staying here in case i do something stupid. We all know he didn't say it like that but thats how it translates to me. Everything just.. hurts right now. It all feels like a really bad nightmare right now, but I know for a fact its not...