#imgoingcrazy
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what if i started to post Gerard Way × Reader fanfics... what do u guys think?
#imgoingcrazy#my chem gerard#my chemical romance#mikey way#frank iero#ray toro#gerard way#gerard way x reader#emo girl#2000#2000s emo#early 2000s#emo#emo aesthetic#emo boy#emo kid#emo scene#emocore#smut#dead dove do not eat#dead dove fic
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I know It seems like I've been MIA and the reason for that is because my iPad charger broke and I am in the process of buying a new charger, I really want to get back to doing ranfren art and I also want to draw so many of ppls oc's but until then I gotta sit and wait I'm going insaneeeee‼️💥
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hi, when will requests be open again!
hi, anon! i don’t know when exactly, but i will announce when requests are open again! i have so much reqs to do, so it’s going to take a while. dw you will get your chance to submit soon :3
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ur amazing i love u thank u for ur works, here's flowers for ur fic i bow at your feet
patience,
minatozaki sana x fem!reader ; smut | wc: 6.9k
synopsis: momo shows sana a video of you chastising one of your employees and the tone of your voice lowkey turns sana on—now she’s trying to find ways to get you to talk to her like that.
warnings: spanking ; edging ; degrading ; dacryphilia ; cursing ; praise ; did i miss anything idk lol
a/n: hii it's been a bit since i've posted a fic oops. been busy. also lowk not proofread well rip.
sana’s face lights up as soon as she sees the contact name making her phone ring. momo, who’s seated in front of her and across the table rolls her eyes.
"hi baby," you greet as soon as sana picks up. your girlfriend of five months smiles brightly.
"hi y/n, miss you. did you need something?" sana questions.
"yeah, i can't make it to lunch with you and momo right now.” you sigh, and sana can tell you’re doing that thing where you crunch your brows and pinch the bridge of your nose just from the tone of your voice. “one of my employees has been very... difficult."
sana frowns, "aw, that's okay. i'll let momo know, i'll see you at home tonight then."
"sorry again, i'll see you later. i love you."
"i love you more, see you." sana responds. you end the call and momo giggles softly when sana sets her phone down. sana tilts her head and raises a brow. “what?”
momo simply smiles and shakes her head. "y/n is such a softie for you, you know."
"hey! i like it." sana scolds playfully, smiling to herself. momo raises a brow in amusement and pokes at the salad in front of her. “she’s so cute.” and sana’s last comment earns an eyeroll.
"you should hear her when she's pissed, it's so entertaining." momo scoffs playfully, “she’s always pretty moody and on edge at work—thankfully not with jeongyeon and i.”
“i’ve never seen her mad mad.” sana says, “is it that bad?” she asks, taking a bite of her own lunch: a simple croissant sandwich with veggies, meat, and cheese—pretty good for the price.
momo nods as she chews on her grilled chicken and raises her brows amusingly. “oh i could go on for a while about her.” momo laughs, “she’s pretty brutal when it comes to those guys at work i was talking about—well, except one of them. shotaro was his name… he’s new, and nice.”
sana leans in a bit, displaying her now piqued interest and giving her best friend of four years her undivided attention.
you met sana not too long ago at a dinner momo had invited you to. initially, you were reluctant on even going since you were tired after a long day of bickering with some of your employees, but momo dragged your ass out the office to relieve some of the tension from the awfully stingy, middle-aged male employees that were up your ass that day.
when you reach the restaurant, you catch sight of a familiar face: mina. you’ve seen her a couple of times from your other outings that momo dragged you to. mina is nice, soft-spoken, and not as loud as jeongyeon and momo, it’s quite amusing how their personalities contrast.
momo and mina exchange a friendly hug before jeongyeon sighs, “where are nayeon and sana?” the name “nayeon” doesn’t sound unrecognizable, you remember the impression she left when her and jihyo had a drinking contest at momo’s place—the bunny teeth girl.
before mina or momo can answer, two women enthusiastically enter the restaurant lobby. they laugh and push each other playfully, which earns a scoff from jeongyeon.
“there they are.” momo snickers, watching as the two women in black walk over to the group.
nayeon smiles and it’s definitely the same person that had gotten tipsy over two drinks at momo’s birthday party a while ago. the woman with her is new, you’ve never seen her, but damn she’s pretty. the woman beside nayeon is smiling and greeting your friends with an angelically sweet voice, only feeding your interest.
“oh yeah, y/n, this is sana.” momo says, “sana, this is y/n, my boss.”
sana is the prettiest woman you have ever laid eyes on—captivating features, a beautiful, dorky grin, and striking charm from your first glance at her—you try not to let your eyes linger on her too long, especially not in front of your friends.
“hi y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” her voice is quite high, but it’s warm and inviting; it makes you gulp meekly. she sets out her hand to greet you and you notice that they’re manicured; her nails are quite long and the black polish on them glistens under the lights of the lobby.
you stick out your own hand—a bit bigger, rougher, and kind of plain in comparison—and shake the woman’s unbelievably soft one, then greet her back, “it’s nice to meet you too sana.” you’re trying to sound composed and content, professional like at work. (but damn is it hard to do that with this woman you’ve just met.)
when the group settles down at their reservation table, you’re sat in front of sana and it isn’t helping the lump in your throat.
as dinner progresses, the lively chatter of the group fills the air, mixing with the clinking of silverware and occasional bursts of laughter. nayeon's suggestion of wine brings a subtle excitement to the table—a few playful eyerolls and scoffs too—and the group ends up with glasses of the fine alcohol.
however, amidst the joyful ambiance, your attention involuntarily gravitates towards the woman directly in front of you. clad in a sleek black blazer that hints at her poise, her dark hair flows effortlessly down her shoulders, framing her divine features perfectly. there’s an allure to her, an inscrutable charm that has you feeling all nervous and almost intimidated.
you find yourself stealing discreet glances in her direction, hoping to catch a glimpse of her gaze. yet, as much as you try to muster the courage, your gaze quickly retreats as soon as her eyes meet your own. it’s strange, you’re one to be composed for the most part.
while you try to maintain your composure, sana is unabashedly bold in her observations. you can feel her eyes on you, tracing your features and the curve of your jaw like an artist examining their own work. with each passing moment, her unwavering gaze becomes both intriguing and, if you're honest with yourself, pretty daunting. it amplifies both the pounding of your heart and the weight of her gaze.
the rest of the group is in a heated conversation over who knows what, so sana breaks the tension in the air while they’re distracted, leaning over and sparking conversation.
“so, you’re momo’s boss?” she questions, swirling the wine in her cup.
you nod and hold your own glass of white wine close to your lips before responding, “yeah.”
“did you just get off from work?” she asks, looking at the loosened tie around your neck and your blue dress shirt; typical work attire.
“yeah, momo invited me out right after.”
“do you always wear that to work?” sana inquires, blatantly looking at your exposed collarbone.
you feel a little self-conscious after hearing her question, but answer nonetheless. “yeah, is there a reason you ask?”
“not really, just wondering if you always look like that at work.” she begins, a smirk forming on her lips, “if you always look so good at work, then maybe i should consider working under you. momo’s lucky to have a cute boss. i wish i had some eye candy like you around.”
to your surprise, the wine you sipped didn’t make you choke, even upon hearing the bold compliment. you set your glass down and just barely bite the inside of your cheek, fully meeting her gaze.
“i— thank you.” you respond, trying to compose yourself. “sana, right? what do you do for work?”
sana giggles softly at your cliché question but answers nevertheless, “journalist.” she says. her response makes sense, it fits her image.
“are you… always so bold with your comments?”
“only with women that catch my eye,” she teases, swirling the liquid in her glass, “what, you nervous?”
“no.” you lie, “just infatuated,” you say, regaining your confidence as you sip on your wine. sana smiles at your response and continues to flirt with you shamelessly, all while getting to know a little more about her friend’s pretty boss.
long story short, after meeting sana for the first time she gives you her number after dinner, mumbling a small “text me,” and shooting a cheeky smirk before leaving with nayeon. sana’s deliberate action doesn’t go unnoticed; in fact, you’re teased the whole car ride home by your two employees who have you considering cutting their paychecks.
after momo’s little ramble of you going off on one of the male employees—who, might momo add, had continuously hit on her and bothered her to the point where she had to bring you in—sana’s curiosity grows.
momo pulls out her phone and shows you a video that her and jeongyeon have laughed at countless times. she turns her phone around for sana and has her watch the screen. “y/n was pissed in this, we always tease her with it. look how annoyed she looks, it’s so funny.” momo giggles, then presses play.
“heechul, this is the last fucking time i’m putting up with your shit you hear me? you’ve been making momo work overtime because you can’t get up and do your job. you think i’m not gonna fuck up your paycheck because of this? huh? i want the things i’m missing from you sent to me by tomorrow night, i don’t want to hear another excuse from your dumb little mouth okay?” you reprimand.
sana’s eyes widen a little at your tone—you’re not yelling, but damn you sound serious. for some reason, there’s a pulse down in her core and her thighs rub against each other just barely.
“y/n, i swear i was busy—”
“busy with what, huh? you’re pathetic. all you do is hit on momo and go drinking instead of doing your fucking job. i’ve got eyes everywhere, and you should be lucky that i haven’t fired you, but with the way you’re slowing us all down i might just do so.” you scoff, “now get out of my face and get on that damn computer.”
sana doesn't quite understand why, but the moment she hears you utter the word "pathetic," a shiver runs down her spine. her reaction is starkly different from momo's, who had been quietly chuckling to herself as she listened to you scold your insufferably pompous coworker.
while momo remains blissfully unaware, sana can't help but feel a pulsating sensation between her legs, intensifying with each passing second. she discreetly shifts in her seat, desperately trying to regain her composure in front of her best friend.
the rest of lunch becomes a blur for sana, her thoughts consumed by the image of you scolding that insignificant man in that strangely enticing tone. her jaw tightens, and her thighs involuntarily rub against each other once more.
i wonder what she’d look like talking to me like that, sana wonders, and that thought refuses to leave her mind for the remainder of lunch.
a week after her exposure to your stern work attitude, you invite her out to an annual company dinner.
every year, sometime in november, your company has this huge party/dinner and it’s this big yearly thing. being the team leader and boss of your branch in the company, you’re expected to show up and mingle with the other bosses and employees.
this year, you’re not attending alone and instead, sana accompanies you. what you don’t know is that sana takes this opportunity to test your patience, her mind racing with ways to get you to snap at her with that oddly alluring tone—and she’s thought of the perfect plan.
you come home exhausted despite getting off of work a couple of hours early, too much bickering from the cut hours of work.
a short, quick breath leaves your lips as soon as you close the door, but nonetheless, you call out in your leveled, sweet tone, “i’m home!”
you catch a familiar and very beautiful woman sat on the couch with her glasses situated on the middle of her nose as she types quickly. sana turns and smiles immediately after seeing you and greets, “hi baby.”
sana lets you lean against her and press kisses to her cheek and down to her jawline, muttering a small “i missed you.” under your breath. you peer at the document she types on, not bothering to read whatever she’s written due to your tired state.
“i missed you too,” sana says, “how was work?”
you groan into her neck and sigh, “god, it was rough. i don’t know if i told you about this guy heechul—maybe momo has—but he’s been slacking so much and it’s been kind of stressful.”
heechul. that name rings a bell. sana’s breath halts and she feels the familiar pulse in between her legs, but ignores it for the time being.
“oh, i’m sorry to hear.”
“i took care of it,” you assure, pressing another kiss on sana’s jawline and it sends a shiver down her spine, “i had to bicker with him for a bit, almost fired him.”
bicker? did she talk to him like that again?
“that’s good.” sana says, turning to meet your face. your girlfriend closes the gap and presses her lips against yours, earning a small hum from you. kisses with you have always been sweet, sana wonders how they’d be if you were rougher, angrier.
sana’s thighs rub against each other a bit.
“i’ll let you work, i’m going to shower and lay down before that company dinner thing.” you mumble before pecking her again. sana nods and presses one more kiss, then watches you get up and stretch your arms while walking towards the hall.
you wait for sana patiently, leaning against the counter of your kitchen while scrolling through your phone.
you’re dressed in a sleek outfit of all black. the designer blazer hugs your frame seamlessly, accentuating your well-defined shoulders and tapering waistline, and the silver necklace around your neck is long enough to rest on your collarbone, adorning it. your blazer and necklace are paired with tailored dress pants and elegant black loafers on your lower half.
a few minutes later, sana emerges from the hallway in her matching black blazer. the garment, though slightly shorter, highlights the subtle contours of her toned core, and her cropped prada top leaves just enough to your imagination while your eyes linger on her exposed skin. your eyes naturally trail down to the short skirt she's chosen, it's a sight that stirs a desire within you, inciting a soft giggle from sana when she catches you in your daydream.
“got a staring problem?” she asks, smiling as she walks over, making sure to give her hips a little sway to have you hungrier.
sana sets her prada handbag on the counter as you pull her in, a small gasp leaving her lips from the aggressiveness of the action.
“can’t help it when you look so good,” you admit before pressing your lips against hers. “so pretty for me.”
her arms wrap around your neck and she pulls you closer to lock lips again, then pulls away to take a quick glance from your eyes down to your exposed upper chest—gaze remaining on your skin for a few extra, noticeable moments.
“you look better,” sana says lowly, twirling a strand of hair on the back of your neck. “we can be late, no?”
“we have to be there, sorry.” you sigh, shooting a small pout before pecking her upper jawline, “but we can have fun later.”
oh we’ll definitely have some fun later.
sana smiles now that she knows she’s got you craving her a bit, and you’ll only be craving her more from here on out. step one of sana’s three-step plan checks off, now for the others:
get y/n a bit horny (second easiest step)
go to the dinner with y/n and get her even more horny and jealous (easiest step)
hot, angry girlfriend and hot, angry sex (inevitable, sana hopes)
it was a simple and feasible plan, sana’s determined for it to work out.
the two of you arrive at the expensive-looking venue—some kind of restaurant and bar— and your arms are linked together as you walk in.
you notice some man in the corner grouped with a few unrecognizable employees—probably from a different branch—eyeing down sana, blatantly checking her out; you grimace and unlink arms, putting your hand on her waist and pulling her closer to you. the man quickly averts his gaze, clearing his throat when you send a glare.
sana smiles knowing that you’re already aware of how many other men will be eyeing her, step two almost cleared.
momo finds you two and your grip on her waist loosens when sana goes in to give her a friendly hug, you give her one as well. jeongyeon and nayeon walk over to the two of you hand in hand, which makes you chuckle. as soon as the two of them are in the little circle you’ve created, jeongyeon pulls her hand away and rolls her eyes.
“before you assume anything—the bitch wanted free food and to seduce women.” jeongyeon sighs, which makes the rest of the group laugh in amusement.
“i hate to break it to you, but there’s not a lot of women to seduce here, unless they’re some poor women dragged along by the pretentious men.” you advise.
“still, there’s free food and alcohol, how could i miss that? and i like playing dress up.” nayeon says, “it’s a win-win.” she shrugs, and her last remark earns another eye-roll from jeongyeon.
the five of you find yourselves at some fancy table and situate yourselves along the edges. sana sits next to you and runs her hand along your tricep subtly, making your jaw tense and your gaze shifts over to her. you rub your hand above sana’s knee, then trail up to her thigh—which is covered by her skirt—and make eye contact with her. sana bats her lashes in response, smiling at you innocently despite the intentions behind her discreet touches.
a few moments later, the five of you order some unnecessarily fancy-sounding food (most of the options were generic restaurant foods, just named in a way that could justify the horrendous price. thankfully, you’re eating the food for free.) and catch up with each other.
sana puts her hand on your arm as jeongyeon talks about her latest inconvenience, you turn and quirk a brow. “i’ll be back, gonna get a drink.” she says before planting a light peck on your temple and leaving you to endure the conversation at hand.
jeongyeon goes off on her prentious neighbor and the whole table laughs. after jeongyeon is done ranting, nayeon goes over some work drama between two of her coworkers that even has you leaning in and listening attentively. as nayeon reveals the strange relationship between her coworker and the manager, you glance over at the bar.
a man stands next to sana, well, three actually. one man stands out to you: kim heechul. your jaw tightens again and your eyes narrow as you watch him converse with your girlfriend. what makes it worse is that sana is laughing and he’s smiling, clearly trying to win her over or charm her. sana laughs once more and brushes her hand on his briefly—your glare at him is like a gun aiming at its next target, and your finger is on the trigger ready to obliterate him.
sana sits so that she can lean her elbow on the counter and swirl her glass of wine. she also sits so that her hips face you, and her legs are spread open just a bit for you to see what’s underneath her skirt.
you clench your fist and furrow your brows: she’s not wearing any fucking panties. there’s nothing under that skirt.
2. go to the dinner with y/n and get her even more horny and jealous
if you could get a peek of her cunt, then others would probably be able too. the last people that even deserved to breathe the same air as her were the male employees under you; the pretentious, sexist, and egotistic employees, especially that fuckass heechul.
your last straw was when heechul gave her the same smirk that he would give when he was hitting on momo, then eyed her precious face and down to her short skirt, checking her out. that’s what got you out your seat.
sana glances to the side and watches you storm over with a stern expression, and it’s kind of hot (the plan seems to be working). heechul adverts his gaze off the uninterested woman in front of him and turns to see his boss storming over—it sends a shiver down his spine.
you snake your hand around her neck and grip it quite harshly before kissing her, she hums into the kiss from surprise. you pull away and raise your brows, “you were gone for quite a bit.” you begin, “didn’t know he was taking your time.” you spit, and heechul shrinks under your glare. the obvious fact gets through heechul’s mind: you’re angry at him (yet again) and this time it’s over something that could get him strangled. he greets you awkwardly before leaving, he’s pathetic as always in your eyes.
sana flutters her lashes at you and smiles, then begins to speak. “sorry i took so long baby-“
“don’t ‘baby’ me. we’re going home.” you say harshly. your eyes move down to her skirt and then back to her to hint why you’re so angry. “you know why.”
“i don’t know what you’re talking about.”
you send her a harsh glare, then tense your jaw. “i’m going to be in the car, make it quick. don’t want you talking to anyone other than them to say goodbye.”
sana closes her legs and rubs her thighs together, feeling a small pulse as you walk away.
you close the door harshly and pinch the bridge of your nose as you lean against the counter, sana stands in front of you, trying to fight the smile that threatens to unveil.
“are you fucking crazy?” you seethed, not minding your tone or anything—sana subtly bites the inside of her lip. you cross your arms and look at sana in disbelief, brows creasing. “what the hell were you thinking? i’ve told you about those guys, and yet, you go out like that? what the hell made you think that wearing no panties would be a good idea?”
there we go.
you shake your head, “i want to know what the hell went through your head while you put on your little outfit, are you trying to catch their attention? in front of me?” you say, standing up and away from the counter.
“sorry,” sana simply says, avoiding your gaze.
“sorry? you’re unbelievable…” you mutter, and the tone you use makes sana’s cunt pulse.
sana’s cheeks are squished as you grab her face with your hand, the sudden chill of your rings making contact with her skin makes her breath hitch. with a swift, harsh motion, you move her head so that she faces you—the look on her face is quite tempting, almost distracting you from the issue at hand while you look at her lidded eyes.
“look at me when i’m talking to you,” you scoff, squeezing her cheeks with your fingers a bit.
sana’s thighs rub against each other to soothe the throbbing in between her legs and she unintentionally whimpers, it catches you off guard—and turns you on more than you’d like to admit.
“fuck, y/n,” sana groans lowly, cheeks flushed and teeth trapping her bottom lip as she bites it subtly.
you look at her, eyes furrowed from confusion, but then it hits you.
oh.
oh?
sana's gaze locks onto your eyes, her pupils widening with anticipation, and a subtle yet irresistible smile tugs at the corners of her lips. the air thickens with an undeniable tension, you feel a surge of heat coursing through your veins and you bite the inside of your cheek.
“bedroom, now.” you say, loosening your grip on her face.
3. hot, angry girlfriend and hot, angry sex
sana stands in front of the bed and watches you take off your blazer—leaving you only in your black bra and dress pants—and she watches the muscles in your back tense and shift as you hang the blazer carelessly on the hook drilled into the door. you turn around and slip off your rings, putting them in your pocket.
“clothes off.” you say sternly, narrowing your eyes and crossing your arms. sana complies and slips off her blazer, feeling small under your gaze. next, her cropped top is slid off. your jaw tenses, and a smirk forms when you see her bare chest.
after sana slides her skirt off, she’s left completely naked since she clearly forgot to wear something under.
“fucking slut.” you mutter, which makes sana exhale desperately. “no panties or anything… wanted their attention so bad huh? you just wanted alllll their eyes on you didn’t you?”
fuck, keep talking like that.
sana let’s out a low whimper and all you can do is amusingly scoff.
“on the bed, all fours, now.” you spit, and sana complies, gulping. sana’s on her hands and knees, ass up for you to gaze at before you step closer and mumble, “you know what to say if it’s too much, yes?”
“yes baby.”
“good.” you say, voice low and gentle before you slap her ass harshly. sana lets out a sharp breath from the sudden contact, and the stinging feeling left on her ass makes her pussy throb even more, it’s almost unbearable.
you caress her ass gently, rubbing it with your palm before hitting it roughly again, earning small, high-pitched sounds from sana. you smile at the red marks on her ass, deciding to slap her a couple more times just because she’s a little slut who deserved it. her ass ends up red from the countless times you’ve hit her, and you bite your lip with each point of contact as well as sound that leaves her pretty little lips.
you move your hand and slide your pointer along her folds, raising your brows amusingly at how wet she is. grabbing sana’s neck with your other hand, you pull her up off of her hands, pushing her so that her back is against you.
“so wet for me aren’t you? huh?” you mutter, sliding your other hand down to her tits to toy with them. sana groans when you massage them, and a sharp noise leaves her lips when you pinch her nipple harshly. “no one can touch you like this, none of those guys there can, yeah?”
sana moans and throws her head back onto your shoulder, a whiny ‘mm hm’ is what she responds with and all you can do is laugh in her ear.
your other hand trails down her torso and your fingers tease her, pinching her thigh slightly and tracing around softly, earning frustrated groans from your girlfriend.
“p-please, need you inside,” she whines, bucking her hips up in an attempt to feel more of you, she’s desperate for anything right now. you press your lips to her temple and trail down to her jaw—and deciding to be a little generous, you slide two fingers along her folds—but sana needs more than that.
“y/n— mmf! s-stop teasing…” she groans. her eyes shut and she turns to bury her nose into your hair, whining at the way you tease her folds.
“want me inside?” you ask mockingly “so needy huh? all eyes on you not enough?”
“need you, please.” she begs, and you give in to that desperate plea, sticking your ring and middle finger in with no warning. she yelps at the sudden action, her hand reaching for the side of your hair and pushing you closer.
you pump your fingers in and out, easing the throb of her dripping cut and fingering her at a quick pace—just how she likes it—and she’s a moaning mess. a knot forms in sana’s stomach moments later, and she’s panting in your ear, repeatedly muttering something that you can barely make out—you’re guessing it’s something along the lines of “im close,”
her moans get louder and louder, then she’s squirming in your hold and begging you to make her cum. she’s seconds before her climax, breathless and inaudible—so you slip your fingers out.
“fuck— w-why, why did you—“
“you think i’d let you cum that easily? you’re fucking pathetic.” you snicker, “wanna be a slut? i’ll treat you like one.” you slide your hand up to her tits dangerously slow, feeling the way her breath hitches when your hand grazes her tummy.
after you toy with her nerves by leaving feathery touches, you stick your fingers in again and simultaneously rub her clit. she comes close to her orgasm again not so long after, and you simply snatch her climax away from her easily, taking your fingers out and earning another loud whimper. she’s so needy and it makes you groan.
sana feels like she’s going to lose it, whining when your fingers slide along her sensitive thighs and warm skin.
“down on the bed, hips up.” you order—sana complies, hoping you’ll let her cum soon.
with some of your help, she turns around and props herself up with her elbows, shifting her hips up for you. a finger runs down her folds again and she twitches a little, you smile at the reaction.
you move down to face her soaked cunt and plant small kisses along her inner thighs, she’s so sensitive that each small peck leaves her breath shaky. without warning you latch onto her clit with your mouth, which makes sana moan and cry out your name.
you grunt against her, tongue going up and down her folds, swirling around her clit and all of it drives sana crazy. you can feel her trembling and you can hear her reaching her high. just before she cums—right when her moans are at their loudest—you pull your face away, ripping sana’s orgasm away from her.
a whine escapes her lips loudly, the sound she makes could be confused for a near sob. you kiss her thighs and she looks down, you’re smiling maliciously, clearly enjoying the reactions she gives you. sana looks at you desperately; her lips are parted and she’s breathing heavily from the way she almost came—only for you to strip it away from her.
“god, you’re so pathetic like this.” you laugh, “i almost feel bad, you look so pretty all riled up.”
sana subconsciously moves her hips up and towards you, whimpering lowly as she grips the sheets from frustration.
“y/n, please.” she begs, “i’ll be good, won’t do it again.” she lies, knowing she’ll probably be a bit bratty in the future just to see you like this again (i mean, how could she not, this is turning her on wayyy more than she’d like to admit).
you get up and move to press your lips on her jawline. “yeah? now you’ll be good? wanna cum so badly huh?” you mutter in her ear, and your hot breath on her skin makes her whimper.
she sighs breathlessly, “yes, please, fuck— please y/n. i’ll be good, i-i’m sorry i’ll be good, wanna cum baby…”
you pull away and gaze at your girlfriend: lips parted, cheeks flushed, creased brows, and a needy, desperate look in her eyes. you wanted to edge her once more, but when she looks so pretty for you like this? she deserves a reward, and you have something in mind that’ll satisfy you just as much as denying her climax.
sana closes her eyes when you kiss her jawline again, and then your lips meet hers for the first time since before you left for dinner. it’s slow and sensual at first, sana savoring her own arousal off your lips and moaning into your mouth. her mouth parts a bit and you slip your tongue in, swirling it around with hers and it’s making her pussy throb once again.
your own thigh is in between her legs, and you feel hers squeeze yours subtly, some of her slick dampening your skin. your hand slides down to her inner upper leg, tracing circles on it and leaving her a whiny mess just from your touch.
“you really are pathetic… so worked up already…” you mutter as you move your lips down to her neck—sucking and nipping at it, leaving dark marks. you trail down to her tits, pecking them softly before working up to swirling your tongue around her perked-up nipples. she’s moaning your name, crying even; all you know is that she’s crazy sensitive.
the hand in between her legs starts to inch closer to her cunt, and you run two fingers along her folds before putting them in with no warning—sana almost screams. your mouth is occupied with her tits and your fingers are pumping in and out vigorously, it’s so much for her especially after all that teasing and degrading.
“fuck—soon, m’ gonna—” sana croaks, scratching her nails into your back and the pain makes you groan against her chest. “p-please, please oh my god i’m gonna cum, please—” she cries.
it’s hard not to give in to sana, she’s so cute like this. with another harsh pump that hits her inner walls perfectly and a seamless press to her clit—pleasure takes over and she’s screaming your name, rolling her eyes back, and her body is jerking against you.
even after sana is sent over the edge, you continue to finger her. she twitches and whines under your touch, squirming from the sensation.
“f-fuck y/n, fuck m’ so, hngh!” she groans, “please, more, s-so good.”
your lips detach from her marked-up chest and you mutter against her skin, “you sound so pretty for me, what a good girl.” your voice is hot against her skin, yet it makes her shiver.
her panting gets heavier and she’s reaching her climax again not so long after her first. you thrust in and out again, circling your thumb on her clit and one last pump pushes air out of sana’s chest; you feel her cum all over your fingers once again.
instead of giving her a little break, your fingers continue to thrust in and out. she’s overwhelmed and still trying to recover, but you don’t give her a chance. with the added stimulus of you sucking on her tit, with your free hand that isn’t fingering her massaging and pinching the other breast, her vision starts to blur again.
“f-fuck, baby w-wait, ngh— so much—” she cries, tears welling up in her eyes. “p-please w-wait,”
“don’t tell me you can’t take it, want me to stop?”
sana whines and shakes her head, which makes you laugh. “you wanted to cum so badly earlier, so take it like the slut you are.”
sana can take multiple orgasms; she’s done it before—but when you pound into her relentlessly with no breaks? it’s fogging her brain up and all she can do is take it, not that she’s against it, it’s more than just good. her thighs close, squeezing your hand and forearm in between them as she reaches her high again.
she repeats your name over and over before a loud cry leaves her lips, and a tear falls down her cheek in the process. right after she comes yet again, you continue to fuck her, but now you’re leaving her chest alone and shifting yourself down and back to face her cunt—your fingers still abusing her pussy.
there’s a two-second intermission where sana gets to take a breather a little after you take your fingers out, but you immediately go back to fucking her dumb, attacking her throbbing core with your tongue and sucking on her clit harshly.
“f-fuck w-wait, ngh—my l-legs, god i-im shaking p-please,”
“i don’t care if it’s too much, don’t care how much your legs are shaking. i’m not done eating.”
sana is a mess. she’s shaking after cumming so much without any breaks, and all you’re doing is making it worse—though if you were to pull away, she’d push you right back in. sana cums into your mouth not long after you started devouring it relentlessly, and you pull away mumbling a small “fuck”
sana’s shaking uncontrollably, literally crying as you hold her down with your hands and eat her out like you’ve been aching with hunger, and her poor cunt is the meal you’ve been craving all that time. you continue to lap at her juices with your tongue, groaning lowly as you do so.
you pull away—your chin and nose are soaked—and her pussy is swollen. sana’s cheeks are red, and so is her nose. her face is damp with tears and drool leaks from the corners of her mouth as you watch her pant tiredly; you don’t know how many times she had cum since you were too lost in her dripping cunt and eating her out persistently.
sana’s hips buck, shake, jerk, and twitch—you’re not even touching her or anything. she’s breathless and still whimpering from the lingering sensation of countless orgasms (you would guess that you made her cum more times than you could’ve counted on one hand) and she looks so goddamn alluring all disheveled.
“fuck, sana.” you sigh, wiping your chin. “you’re so pretty, what a good girl… i knew you could take it.” you plant a kiss on her thigh—still trembling a little as she recovers—and trail up to her soft tummy and all the way to her neck. you pull away and wipe her tears away with her thumb and she leans into your cheek with a small hum.
“you’re so pretty when you cry, god… wanna see you like this more often.” you mumble. sana looks at you through her lidded eyes: you’re looking down at her with swollen lips and your shoulders all red from the way she had been ferociously gripping and scratching your skin. you plant a soft kiss on her lips and she tiredly holds your neck, playing with a few strands of hair as you peck her. “so pretty when you’re all ruined for me…”
sana wakes up and there’s an empty spot right next to her, you’re not laying there next to her like you were hours prior.
she’s still groggy from her sleep—and sore from last night—so she rubs her eyes in an attempt to process everything. there’s a sore feeling in between her legs and she feels like the life was taken out of her, it was obvious: you fucked her good.
sana groans and rolls to the side, hugging the nearest pillow she can reach out for to mimic your warmth. she notices that she wears a loose shirt on her upper body, and the familiar scent of vanilla and jasmine lets her know that it’s yours.
footsteps are heard and sana peeks her head out to see a recognizable figure walking through the door, ah, y/n.
you walk in with a yawn and trudge over to the table closest to sana’s side, placing a tray down on it. lips press sana’s temple and she hums lazily before sitting up—you run a hand through her hair and sit down next to her.
“moooorrrnnninngg.” you greet with a soft tone, the same usual one you always have with her.
“mmmmm,” sana mumbles in response, setting her head down against the headboard. you chuckle and fix her tousled hair, then rub her cheeks the same way you did when she was crying from the overwhelming pleasure of last night.
“made you breakfast.” you say, “croissant from dahyun and some berries. got you some orange juice too, good vitamins.”
sana laughs and kisses your cheek, “thank you baby.” she says. you smile and sana takes a sip of orange juice, then eats a berry. “they’re sweet, delicious.”
a moment of silence takes over as you fix the sheets a bit and help sana get a little more comfortable, making sure to pamper her a little since you both passed out after last night’s events. sana leans her head against your shoulder and mumbles, “i really liked the change of… you know.”
“did you now?” you ask teasingly. she clearly enjoyed it, clearly. “i liked it a lot too.”
“don’t be afraid to be like that again… it’s kind of hot.” sana admits, chewing on her berry. you reach over and your nose is buried in her hair for a moment as you reach for your own piece of fruit, and you mumble against her,
“oh trust me, i won’t be.”
“good.” sana responds, turning her head and pecking your lips. “i like it when you’re angry.”
you smirk and laugh softly.
“i like it when you cry.”
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she gets it
#Dollete#girlblog#girlblogger#pearl#pearl2022#lanadelrey#coquette#imgoingcrazy#thisiswhatmakesusgirls
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Should I like write stuff?..
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kanoshin
#imgoingcrazy#THEY DESTROYED EVERYTHING#it started as#ew#this ship is so bad why would anyone ship it#but it got worse#then I warmed up to is and was like shipping it ironically#HOWEVER#THEN I started shipping it unironically#not that big of a deal. you know just casual shipping#BUT THEN I STARTED DREAMING ABOUT THEM#IM GONNA GO CRAZY
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WHAT THE F! composure composure AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOO
you can kiss a hundred boys in bars
synopsis: good luck, babe! - inspired fic (essentially sana left 6 years ago and you still can't stop thinking about her even though you're married to another man)
warnings: cheating, internalised homophobia, not chronological, implied sex, cursing
w/c: 6.4k
a/n: hi 😀 this one may not hit as many of the audiences but it was interesting to write. i zon't think i like it toooo much for how much time i spent on it (edit: the moots have made my day i do like this one a lot actually) but just one of those things i needed to get out before i was able to move on to the next thing :P weeeEEEEHHEEEE i love angst!!!!!!!
ok this one's going to be a bit different guys pls READ THIS or you'll be like what the fuck. purple text is the present. ty enjoy, that was it LOL.
▂▂⌇
you wake up with a migraine. it came not long after you married frank and it’s stayed ever since. you sit up on the bed, careful not to make too much movement or sound to wake your husband next to you. although that was pretty unlikely anyway considering how he slept.
you sigh lightly, holding your head in your hands trying to mitigate the damage.
your head starts drifting off, as it did on most nights these days. it seemed the only thing that ever worked to stop the pounding in your head was thinking about her.
▂▂⌇
funnily enough, sana was actually the reason you and frank had met.
it had happened when the both of you were at a bar after class celebrating the end of exams. sana being sana had made a whole group of friends 10 minutes upon entering the establishment. you were sitting back watching her challenge someone to down the most shots in one minute. you would have stopped her on another day but after the hell week she's been through with her finals, you figured she deserved it. and you'd be there to take her home afterwards anyway.
she's whooping and jumping around, turning back to you with a grin when she wins. the poor loser skulking away back to his friends.
frank goes up to her then. introducing himself with that kind voice of his, just making sure she had someone to go home with and look after her.
and sana adored the attention. she's flirting with that charm of hers that no one could resist. but strangely enough, frank resisted. he was a gentleman, not wanting to pursue anything while sana was intoxicated, instead, he asked who could look after her, and sana points to you.
▂▂⌇
you're not getting back to sleep. instead you silently step out of bed, grabbing your phone and the hidden pack of cigarettes you kept in the second drawer of your bedside cupboard.
you step outside onto the balcony, breathing in the cool night air, shivering a little as you wrap the blanket you left on the balcony chair around you.
you click the lighter on, the small flame illuminating the darkness of the night, the only other light source aside from the moon. you're thinking if sana's somewhere she can see the moon right now while you put the lighter to the end of your cigarette. is it night for her? was she asleep? did she ever think about you?
you bring the stick to your mouth, inhaling, feeling the roughness of the nicotine hit your lungs, and exhaling softly, watching the wisps of smoke dissolve into the night sky.
sana hated when you smoked. frank didn't like it too much either, but he was never able to stop you.
▂▂⌇
"do you have to do that here?" sana's frowning when you release a puff of smoke into the air.
"sorry. stressed." you mumble in response, cig still stuck between your lips.
"you know i can help with that. just not when you taste like an ashtray." sana's still staring at the cancer stick you're sucking on with contempt, she never hated anything but if you had to place your money on something it'd be your bad habit.
you're smiling sheepishly, taking the cigarette out of your mouth and smooshing the end until it's not burning anymore.
the frown on her face is gone immediately, she's charmed you listen to her so easily. and she sticks to her word, stepping closer and leaning in.
your lips meet lazily, she's got a hand on your cheek, the other at your waist. you're wrapping your arms around her hips, holding her against you as your lips slot against each other.
sana was an attractive woman. there was no doubt about that. the two of you had met during high school. she had caught you sneaking off for a smoke during P.E. and had somehow convinced you to go and get your nails done with her instead. ever since then you two had been inseperable.
it was after you broke up with your first boyfriend in college that you started sleeping together. you remember he had decided to call it off because he was going all mormon and was ashamed of having had sex already, calling you a 'sex-addicted whore who was sent by the devil to tempt him into the flames of hell'. sana despised that he made you feel unwanted, and even more that he blamed you for the break up. she needed you to know just how valued you were, just how wanted you were, and in her drunk dazed mind that meant worshipping you until you came crying under her. and in your drunk dazed, heartbroken, self-pitying mind, you let her.
when it happened again, and again, and again, and then not under any alcoholic influence, the both of you decided to continue seeking each other out for sexual relief whenever you were stressed, or in any sort of mood that called for sex. you stopped every time one of you started a new relationship, but you always found your way back into each other's arms eventually.
▂▂⌇
you curse lightly when you reach the end of your cigarette.
picking out another one, you’re repeating your actions, lighting it up, bringing it between your lips, inhaling, feeling it fill your lungs, and then pushing it back out.
there hasn’t been a single day that’s gone by where you hadn’t thought about sana. frank didn’t get it at first. he asked you why you couldn’t just call her, you two were the best of friends, surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to reconnect?
he didn’t know you slept with sana on the night of you and frank’s wedding. doesn’t know the countless times you’ve slept with her before that. doesn’t know sana woke up earlier than you the next day, disappearing into the early morning, no note, no text, nothing. you were too ashamed to try and contact her for weeks after that, it wasn’t until you came back from your honeymoon that you realised you were knocking on an empty door when you tried to find her at her apartment. it was cleaned out, no furniture, no remnants of her, nothing to prove she even existed. you had called her over and over, tears of desperation spilling over, holding back choked sobs that only grew stronger with each voicemail message.
it wasn't until sana's old landlord holding a 'for lease' sign in his hand comes and kicks you out that you finally realise you'd lost her.
after that, your relationship with frank started to deteriorate. what did you expect though? was it sana's fault? if sana hadn't left would you have lived happily ever after, the three of you together?
it took a long time to realise the answer to that was no. you spent years blaming sana for leaving, and when you finally came to the terms that you were the one who drove her away, it was too much to bear.
▂▂⌇
"y/n!"
you smile at the sound of sana calling you in the corridor, turning to meet her hug as she crashes into you.
she starts talking your ear off and you nod along enthusiastically, but suddenly she stops, looks down to your hand, intertwined with someone else's.
"oh. who's this y/n?"
you look over at your newest boyfriend in surprise, almost forgetting he was holding your hand and standing next to you. you tended to forget a lot of things when sana was around.
"oh this is danny. we met at that bar i told you about last week remember?"
"hmm..." she's looking up at him in scrutiny, eyes squinted and eyebrows furrowed. you can feel danny's palms start to sweat under her gaze.
"one week huh? not bad, let's see how long you last, if you go longer than a month then i'll introduce myself to you." sana says then.
"sana!" you're hitting her lightly, flabbergasted at her insinuation.
"what? your last one was like 3 days. you just keep breaking these guys' hearts y/n." she places a hand over her heart dramatically.
danny's tightening his grip around your hand, speaking up, "excuse me, i don’t appreciate you wishing doom on our relationship even before its started. and i wouldn’t want to be introduced to a slut who’s never had a real relationship before anyway.”
sana’s speechless for a second but her face morphs into a scowl quickly after, “okay danny,” spitting out his name, “first rule of being a decent boyfriend? don’t talk shit about your girlfriend’s best friends. let’s see you last another hour after that comment.” she turns to you, raising an eyebrow, “you gonna let him off with that y/n?”
you’re stuck, and danny’s looking at you expectantly.
“sana… that comment was a little uncalled for y’know… you did kinda start this…”
danny’s smirking, looking smugly back towards sana.
“what?! are you serious right now y/n? y’know what? i don’t care. your life and whatever. see you later.” she’s stomping off, your heart sinking as you watch her.
“c’mon babe, forget her. let’s go get sushi.” danny doesn’t wait for a response before he’s pulling you in the other direction.
▂▂⌇
when you wake up again the next day, frank’s gone.
you stumble to your feet, clumsily making your way to the bathroom.
it’s almost late afternoon already. you’re lucky you didn’t have work today.
sana always used to scold you if you woke up past noon. she said you'd waste the whole day sleeping when you could have been spending it with her.
these days the second option wasn't exactly viable.
you cringe a little when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. unkempt hair, dark circles under your eyes, visible signs of ageing. you'd bet sana still looked as radiant as she was all those years ago.
your phone starts buzzing when you turn on your electric toothbrush. it couldn't be anyone else other than frank. you didn't really talk to anyone else anyway. after sana left, you became a social recluse, and a lot of your friends were technically sana's friends so without that mutual connection anymore, you drifted from them very quickly.
“hello?”
“hey y/n, is my white button-up back from the dry cleaners yet? i need it tonight for this work event.”
“… no you didn’t tell me to pick anything up.”
“what? i left a note for you on the fridge did you not see it?”
“i just woke up frank.”
“it’s 2pm.”
“yeah.”
you can hear him sigh over the phone, “alright it’s fine i’ll pick it up after work.” he hangs up abruptly after he says that.
no goodbye, no i love you, he doesn’t call you by any pet names anymore either, just y/n. well it’s not like you did any of those things for him so you suppose it’s fair. he did do a lot of those things when you were dating and early in your marriage but eventually, when you stopped responding and got more and more tired of being with him, he stopped trying as well. you can’t even remember the last time you were intimate together.
frank had suggested the both of you try out marriage counselling but you were strongly against the idea. you didn’t feel particularly excited about disclosing everything that went on with sana with frank let alone with a complete stranger. you remember that week you fought about it and you ran away and didn’t come back until a month later. frank only tried to call you once during that time.
▂▂⌇
you were standing in front of an apartment door in japan.
you weren’t really thinking when you stood at the front desk of the airport, demanding a ticket for the next flight to osaka with only a small backpack and some essentials you were able to grab after your fight with frank.
it wasn’t until you were physically in the plane that you realised you didn’t actually know anyone but sana there. and you had made that unconscious decision because being with frank was simply too… nothing, and being with sana was… everything. it had been over 6 years since you had seen her last, when she left you that quiet night in may.
though it seems fate was on your side this time. sana’s cousin just happened to be working at the airport the night you arrived, when she recognised you, she was waving excitedly, ushering you over.
“y/n right? oh my goodness i haven’t seen you in so long! not since that time sana brought you here 7 years ago right?” her accent is a little thick but you’re grateful she can speak korean regardless, you could only understand very basic japanese picked up from sana.
you’re nervously rubbing the back of your neck, “ahaha yeah… do you actually happen to have sana’s address?”
she frowns a little, “she didn’t give it to you when she found out you were coming?”
it seems like sana hasn’t told many people about your relationship with her either.
“u-um ahaha no she must have forgotten. you know how she gets… too excited she forgets the important little details.”
the cousin laughs a little in response, agreeing and quickly typing in sana’s address on your phone. internally you’re thanking all the gods and deities you know of for this stroke of luck or you’d really be stranded in osaka with no knowledge of the language and nowhere to stay.
“i have to get back to work but say hi to sana for me! we haven’t seen her much since she came back a few years ago, she’s been really busy with work i think.”
you nod, heart pounding at the tidbits of information you’re getting about sana. anything to fill in the 6 year gap you’ve been apart.
you wave goodbye, thanking her again and then you’re hailing down a taxi and showing the driver the destination on your phone.
so now you’re standing in front of her apartment door, hands sweaty and nervous, just praying she wouldn’t kick you out or worse.
you’ve been standing here stupidly, deliberating when, how, if you should even knock. when there’s a slight commotion to your left, the sound of a bag of groceries dropping and a light gasp.
“y/n?”
it’s very cinematic when you turn, sana coming into view for the first time in so long is like finding water in a desert. you’re drinking her in hungrily, her darker hair, smile lines, perfect nose, she looks just as beautiful as you remember.
“sana…” you’re voice is hoarse with emotion.
she’s taking slow steps towards you after picking up her groceries. one… two…
“what are you doing here?”
“i-i- u-um i-“
“how did you get my address?”
“u-um i saw y-your cousin at the airport and she recognised me and i- i may have asked her for your address... i'm sorry! i would have called or like let you know but... y'know... i-i couldn't really do that..."
she considers you for a little bit, looking you up and down, her face stoic.
"...did you come here for something then?"
"i- um- well not really it was k-kinda an impulse decision. u-um frank and i fought and i just- i don't know i went to the airport and i found myself here i guess..."
you notice how her hand tightens at the mention of frank's name, the slight sound of the crinkling of her grocery bag.
"and what did you want me to do about that?" she's pushing past you now, taking out her keys and starting to unlock her door. you begin to panic, scrambling for words.
"i- sana please! i- i'm sorry! i'm sorry okay?"
the jingling of her keys stops, but she doesn't look back at you.
"what are you sorry for? i'm the one who left remember?" her voice is bitter and a little shaky, you realise she's not facing you because she's trying not to cry. you ache to hold her.
"i… i’m the reason you left though. right? it took me a long time to realise but i’m sorry i wasn’t able to be true to myself and i’m sorry you were a casualty to that. i missed you sana…." your voice is quiet, you feel your own tears welling up in your eyes.
“… what weren’t you true to yourself about?”
you take a big inhale, breath shaky when you let it back out. “that i love you.” your voice is tiny, you just confessed your love for the woman you’ve spent most of your life with, the woman that’s occupied your mind every second of every minute since she’s entered your life. the woman you were too scared to admit you loved, who waited for you to do exactly that only for you to enter a loveless marriage with someone else. you can only imagine the pain you’ve put her through. it would be nothing compared to the last 6 years without her. and the last 6 years without sana were undoubtedly the worst of your life.
sana’s sniffling now, unable to hold back her cries.
you inch forward and tentatively place a hand on her shoulder. when she doesn’t move it, you shift closer again to wrap your arms around her loosely.
suddenly sana’s turning and burrowing her face in your neck, you feel her wet tears stain your skin, but also your own start to run down your face. you're surrounded with sana sana sana, her smell, her sounds, the feel of her against you when you tighten your arms around her. you missed this so fucking much. you missed her. and for the first time in 6 years, you finally felt like you were home again.
▂▂⌇
after you've finished your morning routine, you lazily trudge into the kitchen, discarding the small note frank had told you about, and pouring yourself a bowl of cereal.
you sigh into the empty house. frank wanted kids of course, that's why you bought such a large house in the first place. he had dreamt of the whole white-picket fence family and you were excited to share that with him and sana. she had helped you design the place, decorate it when you first moved in, she was meant to move across the street and you were going to grow old together and watch as your kids played around and became the best of friends, just like the two of you were.
now though? you hated this house. it just felt so much more empty. you and frank had tried for kids, although that only really drove you further apart. sex just became more of a chore than something you enjoyed, and when people know you're trying to get pregnant? suddenly everyone has their 2 cents on what you should eat, what types of exercise you should do, the latest superfood that was meant to make you more fertile. everyone seemed to have more control over your own relationship, over your own body than you did.
eventually, the small amounts of love you and frank had for each other, fizzled out. and you decided you didn't want to raise a child in a loveless marriage, that wouldn't be fair to them. frank, even with his endless optimism and kind soul, agreed.
▂▂⌇
that night in japan, for the first time in six years since you saw sana, you were able to kiss her again, to feel her bare skin against yours, to taste her as she writhed and cried out your name above you.
you woke up before her the next day, sun sluggishly making its way past the horizon. you watched as her breaths came in and out, soft, her expression at peace, not clouded with anger or sadness at you. you traced the lines of her face, recollecting every single hair, every mole, every perfection and imperfection on her, so she'd always be with you in your memory.
she stirred after a while, blinking softly and you wait for her to come to, fingers tracing soft lines over her side.
you feel her freeze under you, breathing picking up, just barely noticeable but you were sharing the same airspace. her eyes meet yours for the first time that morning and you're committing the brown irises to memory now as well.
"you didn't leave." her voice is laced with morning fatigue.
you only hum in response, continuing to trace random shapes into her skin.
"why?"
you take a moment to think about your answer. years ago, you would've been terrified with the idea that someone would've found out about the two of you. that someone would know your dirty little secret. and that secret was that you were in love with your best friend. it was different for sana. sana was flamboyant, and proud, and happy. it wouldn't matter who sana liked because that didn't take away from her personality. she was still valuable as a person. you weren't like that though. you were always just sana's best friend or danny's girlfriend or frank's girlfriend or whoever else you dated at the time. the moment you deviated from that, a new label would be stuck on you, and people would pity sana, talk about how she could do so much better, how you were a witch who lured sana in. so you were selfish. you took from sana, and you never gave back. because sana was perfect in your mind, and she didn't need anything else.
"i'm sorry. there's a lot to be sorry for and a lot i need to make up to you. but at the core of it all, i love you sana. these six years without you have been hell. and i'm sorry it took that long for me to realise this, but i love you, not frank, not anyone else, just you."
you feel your eyes begin to tear up, heavy with emotions, sana's mirroring you, her bottom lip slightly quivering.
"what happened with frank?" her voice is a little shaky.
"we fought. i didn't want to deal with him anymore, my feet took me to the airport, and i ended up here."
sana sighs then, turning away from you and lying on her back. "so you're still together?"
"well... i- no but-"
"how is this time any different then y/n?"
"i- i- it's over, me and him. seeing you again has affirmed that for me. there hasn't been love between frank and i for a long time. i never loved him the way i love you. i'm ending things as soon as i get back. i promise sana. please- please believe me." you're scrambling a little, you couldn't afford to lose sana again. not after you had just gotten her back.
you can see tears running down the side of her face. you hate yourself for making her cry. that seems to be all you ever made her do.
"okay."
"okay?"
she turns to you again, wiping at her eyes, "okay. i really shouldn't but i love you too much and i've missed you too much to say no."
"really?" your perking up, disbelief clear.
"you keep asking me that and i'll change my mind." she teases, smiling for the first time.
you're overjoyed. rolling onto her and sweeping her up in a kiss, hoping your actions convey your feelings for her better than your words do. she's laughing into you and god have you missed that sound. you attack her sides immediately, almost desperate to hear it again, to make her feel something other than the sadness you've caused her. you make a promise to yourself in that moment, that you'd never, never make sana cry again.
it took you only a month to break that promise.
▂▂⌇
"hi, frank's wife right?"
you resist the very strong urge to roll your eyes, instead nodding politely and listening as the woman who approached you launches into a conversation about her husband and how he and frank got along at work and really you couldn't care less.
you were at the work event frank had mentioned in the morning. he did end up picking up his own dry cleaning and you saw him briefly at the event when you first showed up, only saying a quick hello and kissing your cheek before he was off again mingling and entertaining guests.
you had intended on just sticking to the bar and making use of the free-flow alcohol but now this woman was talking to you about her kids, and whatever else and you really just want to throw your drink in her face and yell at her about how to read a room.
you spot frank in the corner of your eye, surrounded by a group of women. you knew he had slept with other people ever since you stopped accepting his advances and affection. you're honestly surprised he hasn't asked for a divorce yet.
but frank was kinder than you. you were still his friend before you were his wife. he still cared about you and didn't want you to be left alone. you couldn't seem to convince him you were fine alone. you learnt to be fine when sana left. although lately, even he seemed to see you less as a friend and more and more, just as his wife.
▂▂⌇
"i still can't believe that time you thought danny was a good choice for you. and you defended him too!" sana was laughing, slapping your arm playfully.
you whine in response, "i told you i was sorry for that alright!!"
she's still laughing when frank comes back to the two of you, looking at you inquisitively and gesturing vaguely towards sana. you shrug, helping him set the food he had ordered for the three of you on the table.
"what's funny sana?" he asks, sliding into the booth with you and picking up a burger.
sana's waving a chip around now, pointing at you, "just talking about y/n's shitty taste in men."
frank fakes shock, looking at you with an exaggerated look of hurt, "me?"
you laugh, hitting him lightly, "not you dummy."
"yeah you're one of the good ones franky. probably the only good one out there."
"aww thanks sana."
sana grins, digging into her food.
you smile at the two of them. your two favourite people in the world. when you first met frank, you were skeptical of him. you were sure he was only trying to be friends with you to get with sana. so imagine your surprise when he had actually been plotting with sana behind your back to ask you out. you had said yes of course, he was a sweet guy, attractive too, and most importantly, sana liked him.
you ended up hitting it off, and the three of you were almost inseparable after that.
it wasn't until about 7 months into your relationship that sana started distancing herself. she would say she was busy, turn down more offers to go out, start hanging around a new group of people.
you heard from frank later that they had some sort of disagreement, which was why sana had started avoiding you. you were hurt by this though, because sana was still your friend. she was yours before you were frank's, and even when you were frank's you were still hers. didn't she know that? she had to.
you intended for her to know that when you cornered her, a late afternoon on a friday when the three of you used to go out for ice-cream as a reward for the week's end, but she had been staying behind to study or always had something else on instead.
"why are you avoiding me?"
sana's eyes are everywhere, her movements skittish as she tries to look for an escape before giving up and huffing. "i don't know what you're talking about."
"yes you do."
"no i don't."
"stop this sana. frank told me the two of you fought. if you don't want to be around him fine. that's your choice. but that doesn't mean you get to avoid me too."
she looks at you then, eyes fiery, "is that what he told you?"
you nod, "i don't understand sana. i don't care that you fought. i can seperate us and my relationship with frank. you're still my best friend."
"we fought because he told me he felt like i was stealing you from him."
"what?"
"yeah. he said he never got to spend any time with you. i was always there. he felt like he was the one who was third-wheeling our relationship."
the words third-wheel and our relationship swim around in your mind, "w-what? that's impossible!"
"is it really though y/n?" sana's voice is soft now.
"what do you mean?"
"i mean, is it really impossible for you to see us that way? frank obviously did, and he felt threatened by that."
"w-what- sana what are you talking about?"
she sighs a little in frustration, and then suddenly she's yanking you forward by the collar and planting her lips against yours. you react automatically, kissing her back, hands immediately going to her waist as you revel in the feeling of her soft lips against yours. it was always so different kissing sana compared to all the other guys you've been with. you chalked it up to the fact that sana took care of her skin, her lips, the way she smelled, all of that made kissing her that much sweeter.
but then you remember frank and you're pulling away, breaths heavier than they were mere seconds ago. "what the fuck sana?!" you're whipping your head around, looking to see if anyone had seen the two of you. it seemed to be clear.
sana's chuckling lowly, wiping at her lips, face downcast.
"what were you thinking?! i'm with frank! you set me up with frank!"
her eyes meet yours again, and you're taken back by the glassy look on her face. she's whispering, "i know. i know and i hate myself for it. i thought- i thought if- i thought i could get over this if i saw you happy with someone else. and then you were! and i just felt worse y/n. and then frank could tell and that was the last straw i guess. i needed to be away, away from you so i could get make these stupid feelings go away. i'm sorry y/n i'm so so sorry."
you're dumbfounded, staring at her blankly when she starts sobbing, hands coming to wipe at tears falling faster than she could catch them.
you don't understand what this means, what you felt, all you knew in that moment was sana was crying. the person you cared about most in the world was crying and you were the reason for it. so you do the one thing to make her stop. you tilt her chin up, heart breaking at the sniffles and the watery eyes, and you press your lips against hers again.
you end up where you've ended up so many times. legs entangled, sweaty bodies on sheets, heavy breathing, and minds lost.
▂▂⌇
you couldn't stand being inside anymore. it was suffocating.
you breathe out smoke as you exhale, the cigarette end still burning.
you watch as someone makes their way outside, shuffling around a little in their pockets and cursing when they realise they don't have a lighter.
the person looks towards you and you hold out yours. you help them light the end of their cigarette and nod when they mutter their thanks, inhaling the smoke into their lungs and standing awkwardly to the side.
it's a few minutes here in the cold, and you're almost finished your cigarette, about to throw it away when the stranger speaks up.
"do i know you from somewhere?"
you pause, looking back, you don't think you recognise this person. "you must have me confused for someone else, i'm sorry."
"wait... no you're sana's best friend right!?"
you drop the cigarette in your hand in shock. it had been a long time since someone had said that name out loud. she only ever lived in your head, it was hard to believe she was someone to other people too.
"right yes of course i remember now! i'm momo i was sana's roommate in college. although you probably don't remember i think we only really met like once. sana was always with you around campus and posted you a lot though so i remember you."
you vaguely recall the woman as she chatters away excitedly.
"right... momo... it's nice to meet you. i'm y/n."
momo grins, "have you spoken to sana lately? i don't think i saw you at the wedding, although i may have just been drunk." she chuckles a little at herself, not realising the way your face drops.
"wedding?"
momo looks at you a little in confusion, "yeah. last month? sana got married in sapporo."
your head is spinning with the new information. sana was married?
“woah you feeling okay?” momo’s reaching out for your shoulder, steadying you. you didn’t even realise you had lost your balance.
“i-i- yeah sorry.”
“you sure? are you here with anyone? anyone i can call?”
“no. it’s okay, thank you though.”
“yeah no problem.”
she’s shuffling back again, sucking on her cigarette.
“sana and i haven’t spoken in years. i was just a little surprised is all.” you speak up when you feel a little steadier on your feet.
“oh shit! i’m so sorry y/n i had no idea!”
“it’s okay, it seems no one really does.” you laugh a little bitterly.
momo doesn’t know how to respond to this, flicking her eyes between you and the door.
“it’s fine though. i’m happy for her.” the words taste vile on your tongue. is this what sana felt when she watched you walk down the aisle on your wedding day?
momo softens a little, “she is happy.” she offers you a kind smile, tapping out her cigarette and mumbling a quick thanks before heading back inside.
once you're sure she's gone you let yourself break down. sobs wrack your body as you hold your hands over your mouth trying to quiet them. you can barely see through the tears streaming out of your eyes. this was it. you'd finally lost her. you couldn't cling to the delusion that somewhere out there, some of her still belonged to you, some of her happiness, her memories, her love. you'd lost all of that now.
▂▂⌇
"what was that y/n?"
"what?"
"don't fuck with me right now. that was frank wasn't it? on the phone just then?"
you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, "what do you want me to say sana?"
"that you're keeping your promise. that you're going to return to him, break up with him, and then you're going to come back here to me. and then we can finally start our lives together."
"it's not that easy sana."
she explodes, "what do you mean?! it is that easy y/n! you told me when you came here that you and frank were over. have been for years. and now you can't tell me that same thing?"
"i don't- no sana-"
"what? what y/n? what’s your excuse now? do you have to make sure your job is secure? after you've spent a whole fucking month here you expect me to think you still care about that? do you have a child with him? is that it? is he sick? what other possible excuse is there for 'it's not that easy sana'?!"
"you don't get it! you can't say that to me sana!"
"what?! what don't i get?! tell me y/n, let's sort this shit out right fucking now. tell me why you can't be with me."
"it's not- that's just the way i am sana! i can't-"
"you told me you loved me. was that a lie then?" her eyes are brimming with tears, anger evident and your heart breaks again. you promised, you promised her and you promised yourself that this wouldn't happen again.
you're quick to step in again, trying to stop her from crying the one way you know how, brushing her cheeks with your thumbs and kissing her.
she doesn't let you get away with it this time though. she rips away from you, placing a hand on your chest and pushing you back lightly, keeping you literally at arm's length.
"don't do that." she's chuckling, her laughs mixed in with quiet sobs, "don't think you can just kiss away your problems. that's not how real life works y/n."
"please sana, please just-"
"what? you want me to be okay being your secret again? you want to be able to go around in public with frank only to come home to me? you can't have both y/n! i'm not going to do that again for you!"
you’re both crying now, standing across from each other in sana’s apartment, a place that’s felt more like home to you in a month than your place with frank has felt for you in six years.
your voice comes out in a hoarse whisper when you speak up, “i can’t- i can’t feel like this sana.”
sana’s wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. then she’s turning on her heel and heading into the bedroom.
you follow her, you’d follow her anywhere, but your heart sinks when you realise she’s going around the room picking up your belongings and shoving them into your bag.
“w-wait s-sana, what- what are you doing? stop please-“
you’re almost begging, scrambling after her trying to pull her back but she’s stubborn, she’s able to fill the bag within a minute and then she’s pushing it into you, and out the door.
“please! sana please i can’t lose you again don’t do this please- you’re my best friend sana.”
she’s managed to successfully push you out the front door now, still crying. “but you’re not mine y/n. you were never my best friend. you were always the love of my life. and you can’t be that for me anymore. so leave. please. don’t try and find me again.”
“n-no sana please d-don’t-“
“you’d have to stop the world just to stop what you feel for me y/n. but you don’t realise that. and i’m sick of loving someone who can’t give me all of that love back.”
and then she’s slamming her door shut in your face, the both of you sobbing on opposite sides of the door, hearts shattered a second time, and later, when it happens a third time, it’s only the sound of yours breaking.
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more dingus sketches cuz why draw a character that was wasnt used just as a character in the background looool imgoingcrazy
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And bela in Miranda's route....imgoingcrazy
so was bela, won herself a one way ticket to a padded room 😐
-bee
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I like to believe I’m a child of God so lord please help me stay out of jail! #LMFAO #IMGOINGCRAZY #DONTTESTME
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I JUST EWATCHED THE NEW EOPISODDE
IMGOINGCRAZY
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it’s called double u but most fonts make it look like double v #imgoingcrazy
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ARGHHG my fav lesbian and bisexua.,,.hlhhn
these two..
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chemisty is actually the reason im gonna be put in an insane asylum
#lockmeup #imgoingcrazy
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