#imagine you kill some nobody Harper

[athalantan]

There is always the possibility, of course, of a furious Elminster or Khelben Blackstaff showing up in person, within minutes, to avenge the Harper they've been magically watching over! More often, these august personages will teleport another agent in to perform a rescue scant moments before a Harper funeral becomes necessary.

That's the stuff of nightmares.

[lunarreverb]

Just finished the silliest BG3 run that was.... not really a speedrun, but a mess-around solo run to see what happens if you effectively skip Act 1 and 2 (to the extent possible) and recruit nobody. Here's Bunnie the gnome; she's quick like a bunny!

Some of the most interesting things I found under the cut!

If you immediately jog over from the Nautiloid to the mountain pass area, Shadowheart will catch up to you and try to party up.

You can reject her company, of course; if you do, the artefact just appears in your inventory later after this brief cutscene saying ''you got the plot device.' The Emperor never addresses this at all but I have to assume it just looked at the both of you liked your main character energy better.

(For her part, Shadowheart will hang out indefinitely in front of the path to the mountain pass, insisting that you need her to come with you. She never seems to realize that the artefact ditched her, but seems to have the 'shielded' effect on her for as long as you can still go back to that area to check on her, so idk. I assume she dies/ceremorphosizes at some point after you leave the shadow cursed lands.)

If you leave for the mountain pass without encountering Raphael, he just shows up in your camp, and you do NOT have a choice to go to bed without speaking to him, lol.

What happens to Lae'zel is SUPER interesting. If you don't encounter her in the cage outside of the grove, the game gives you a second chance by setting her outside of the monastery, wandering around.

If you don't join her there, either, you will find her at the entrance of the Shadow-Cursed lands, extremely dead. I imagine this is just the game's way of making sure you see she's dead, but I would have assumed for sure that without player intervention she would've died in the zaith'isk? I wonder what sequence of events is implied by this? Maybe she broke out of the zaith'isk on her own, escaped the creche, but had nobody to warn her that she needed a torch in the Shadow-Cursed lands? Maybe the gith sent her on an errand before they let her have a turn in the cleansing machine? Unclear!

Your dream guardian comments that it's impressed by your efficiency by skipping over the grove entirely:

This is different from what it says if you actively durge the grove, where it insinuates that you did what you did to infiltrate the cult and asks whether or not you have regrets about that.

If you don't go to Last Light Inn at all, you can meet Jaheira for the first time at the bridge to Moonrise tower. She does NOT react well if you answer her question by saying "I'm busy, get out of the way"; this will aggro the Harpers (understandably). I ultimately decided to sneak around the back and I didn't canonically meet her for the first time until after defeating Ketheric. She will automatically join your camp for the one night on the way to Baldur's Gate, but she will leave forever (leaving you a letter saying "bye") once you get to the Lower City if you tell her at Moonrise you don't want her in your party.

She does not survive the events of the game if you do not let her join your party, it seems. (I did not pursue the Minsc storyline and I do not know if it's possible to prevent this outcome that way.)

This next bit is REALLY wild; in all of my other playthroughs, I don't think I ever tried defeating Gortash before I disabled the Steel Watch. You can defeat Gortash at his inauguration, and the Absolute will immediately be your bestie about it and will helpfully murder any of the witnesses (including Ulder Ravengard, I think; I took care not to kill him but he vanished anyway.)

The next thing that happens doesn't actually make sense but is interesting nevertheless. Once Gortash is dead, the Steel Foundry is automatically blown up, and the Absolute speaks encouragingly to the player through the Steel Watchers:

I'm actually stumped about how the Absolute can control the Steel Watchers without the corresponding tadpoled brains in the Foundry (which I have to assume got crushed in the rubble?) Oh well. In any case, the Steel Watchers are friendly and will even be allied with you if you get into any scuffles with the Fist, until you kill Orin. After you kill Orin, every Steel Watcher is immediately hostile AND will sic the Fist on you, too.

(Funny story, I actually managed to down one of the Watchers next to the Steel Watch fan group on the north end of Wyrm's Crossing and uh. The Watcher blew up one of the fanboys. Oops. RIP Trinigan Gazotts.)

I kinda want to write a whole post about just this, but Shadowheart's parents are still put up on display in the House of Grief basement in spite of the fact that she is almost certainly (?!) dead and/or a mindflayer by this point:

You can talk to them but you cannot help them in any way. I'm aware that this is just a tease for Shadowheart's plot, but I want to nitpick this so bad. The Sharrans have regular prison cells in the building; what is the point of hanging up these two on the Spencer's Gifts lights indefinitely? Whatever bummer vibes Shar is getting off of them can not be enough to pay for their magical upkeep. Do the Sharrans have to take them down at mealtimes, or are they fed with sandwiches on sticks, or...?

The love test at the circus is NOT interesting; the dryad assumes that you are in love even if you are forever alone and gives her usual sales pitch about bringing the one you love to her.

If you didn't save Wulbren or Barcus, the entrance to the Ironhand Gnomes' cave is just blocked off.

Astarion's unfortunate end if you don't recruit him has been covered in great detail by other posts, but I will remark that it is funny to kill Cazador yourself as a gnome because you have to hop up to stab him. It's also very, very funny to see Cazador explain his whole evil plot to you, random gnome woman who just showed up, if Astarion isn't around. This man is desperate for somebody to think he's cool, so I guess he'll settle for attention from the cattle if he's gotta.

Volo still shows up tied to that trolley cart by the foundry, but there's no angry mob around him.

If you haven't encountered the inquisitor at the creche, or the avatar of Vlaakith in the shadow cursed land, they both show up in the Elfsong's basement

There is no hag plot if you did not encounter Ethel. The captain at the Blushing Mermaid is just as she seems, there's no hag lair, and Vanra and her mother want nothing to do with you. There's no hag support group; that house has a group of random hostile thugs in it instead (with a tenuous tie-in to Ninefinger's Guild).

In Act 3, Raphael will totally say "listen here you little shit" if you hassled him outside of the mausoleum in Act 2 by, oh, I don't know, casting Silence on him? (after which he does NOT give you the Yurgir quest, he just leaves).

Bluurg and Omeluum do not show up at the Society of Brilliance's lodge if you did not meet them in the underdark in Act One, but there is a letter indicating that they will show up later. I checked, and Omeluum is also not in the Iron Throne.

Nothing funny or new happened with Orin. I threw her in a pit. BUT worth mentioning? You can skip the entire Bhaalist powerword kill trial if you just send one invisible party member through the area and just find the warppoint near the temple afterward. You're welcome.

If you get to the epilogue alone, Milil will comment that he expected more guests, but Withers will speak as if multiple people are there no matter what

Also, if you are a lonely little mindflayer, this has no effect on the refreshments offered at the epilogue party. Mindflayers can drink alcohol, apparently, but obviously nobody is here to eat all the food Withers put out. WTF, pee paw.

And I think that's mostly all the was interesting or different in this run. It was a fun challenge!

[hisaribi]

<333 OMG THANK U FOR THE LONG RESPONSE ABT OMEGA JAY + EVEN MORE OF YOUR BETA DICK HCS 😭💞 they're really lovely, I really enjoy how you look at omegas? The protectiveness and how they'd be bigger moreso focusing on protection and stuff ! Cool ! Worldbuilding ! I love how you get these different types of packs (like Damian's!) etc etc

Reverse Robin's Dick is absolutely precious, I love him infinitely. His and Damian's dynamics are <333 just lovely since Damian has mellowed down and softened quite a bit :') <33

SORRY 😭 just being attacked by brain worms, thank u sm for the lengthy answer !!! Small question because rev robins is just so fun and I got like, extra WOAH-ED by it, are you killing off Tim here (Making him RH or some other Crime lord, much colder than what Jason is) or is it still Jason (Eternally doomed god help him 😭)

And ! It just made me imagine big brother Jason ! Even more protective of pups and betas, Dick is both ;-; (is he going to get smothered?)

AGAIN!!! THANK U !!! ur so cool <3

I'm really glad it brought you joy! No you're cool!

the context: beta dick grayson post, omega Jason ask

I love reverse robins as a way to explore dynamics that can still be the same even if everything is so so different, so yeah, and in omegaverse with Dick being the only beta in a pack that isn't used to it and yet somehow holding them together is just great!

but I have sort of difficult relationship with rr, because I have preferences about them, that I don't see a lot lol

one of them Batgirls (minus Steph, or no, idk), being the canon-age, so no, babs isn't youngest in this, she's older than Damian and they have a love-hate relationships that are more sibling-like, Cass is the third eldest, Duke is forth and so on, Staph probably still between Jason and Tim, but idk. Harper also has her canon age, because I said so, anyway, back to all that

another is that Tim joined because of Dick and his obsession with him caused by trauma and all that. So in Reverse Robins he won't be joining the family before Dick. I sorta like him joining during the battle for cowl, the same goes for Duke, actually, but for different reasons. So Tim would be over 17 (lol), and he steps in because Dick being Dick would try and hold a leash on a bunch of elder batfam people who try to become Batmans but they all suck so ye, Tim steps in to help Dick. I have this post about reverse robins where ages are reversed, but not the order of adoption, so something like that would still be good for our reverse robins omegaverse thingie we talk about. so again, we can go around that with B adopting Tim before any of that, but that's a different can of worms. Also I sorta prefer Tim being more on the Oracle side

Now for died and was revived and it was a shitshow (affectionate), I think it should be either Jason or Steph, but also Steph's story as Spoiler compiles me, so no, Tim won't be the Robin who died (they are also Shadows, not Robins, and nobody knew who really lived through all the vigilante thing, if anything and we make Duke join the first, him and Damian constantly changing does create a nice creature vibe, anyway), for me it's still Jason

I also do love the possible body dysphoria Jason would get, because he died on a pretty short side right before Dick appeared in the family (I put their age difference) more like what they have in pre-n52 canon, because I really dislike what they did with ages here, anyway, at least 7 years difference, so Jason died at 15, Dick got to the family right after that and B was grieving and gosh what a shitshow that would be, so back to Jason, he's suddenly really-tall, really buff, and clearly omega, and he comes back in like two years max with his whole Red Hood shtick, and he's like I've been replaced, and looks at a kid who's clearly ready to throw hands with him, who also went like I'm not Shadow, I'm Robin, screw you

And Jason, who was used that nobody, not even Damian, got to the field before they were fourteen, that was a strict rule on B's side (actually Damian was a menace since day one he appeared at Bruce's door at the age of ten, but that's not what you tell your youngest), and yet here's kid who probably didn't live even a decade (I hc that before 13 he was like on a shorter side, but then between 13 and 15 he almost reached his adult height, so he definitely looked younger), and Jason's like... Bruce, at first I wanted to make you suffer, but now I'm going to kill you, how DARE you endanger the kid, what dO YOU MEAN HE ISN'T ADOPTED AND YOU KEEP HIS AS A WARD?! so ye, tiny Dick being the wrench that broke all Jason's dramatic plans

Dick's also has a 1000 quota stare, because he went through grieving B, fought teeth and nails to have his own vigilante persona, and he's used to wrangle Bruce and Jean-Paul, as well as Duke and Damian, and Batgirls, the kid is unfazed by the last Shadow coming back to life and his bag of severed heads is like huh, anyway, moving on

also yes, Dick is going to be smoothered by everyone, he would like it, as long as aside from that time he's treated as equal and stop trying to carry me away I had everything under control. also like really not getting the whole pack stuff, but mimicking it well enough that there's a bet who he would grow up to be, and Damian and Cass look at each other like nope, not telling them

also idk where to put it, so out of mentioned here Tim is alpha, Duke is omega, Steph is omega (and is the fourth tallest of the batfam), Babs is alpha, Cass is alpha, Harper idk, she has alpha vibes, I don't remember actually if I contradict myself, so whatever

so ye, thank you for the ask and have a nice day!

[aliasknives]

wip wednesday

tagged by @threeofswrds (thank you)! tagging @nullcanary @mycolalia and @orlesianapologist to join in if they would like (sorry it’s so late in the day for EDT people). also tagging anyone that wants to join!

surprising nobody, it’s more pre-canon durgetash. this is a first draft so it’s still very unpolished. i wanted to write their first meeting and how it went (it went badly, arguably, but not as badly as it could have).

he was an arms-dealing worshipper of the god of tyranny, she was literally murder incarnate, can i make it anymore obvious…

cw: canon-typical violence, mention of animal death

Only now does Enver realize that he is outmatched. That he might die, here and now, and it would be the end of everything. Assassinated in his prime, chest split open by a knife buried in his heart. Bleeding to death in a damned alleyway like an urchin. Like a cobbler’s son.

The moonlight catches on the man’s leather armor, glinting on the silver pin on his breast. A Harper symbol: the sign of a meddling do-gooder. He’s almost flattered. If the Harpers have caught wind of the church’s resurgence, it must be going well.

A flash of movement, and hot blood spurts across his face; the assassin’s throat splits near to the bone. The man’s knees buckle, and he crumples to the ground, knife clattering with him.

The new shadow before Enver is slight, and descends upon him before he can breathe a sigh of relief. In an instant, there is a new blade against his chest.

“You have Harpers following you.” The voice is smooth, melodic. Not unpleasant, but cool and uncaring.

Had, Enver catches himself thinking. No matter. Now is not the time for splitting hairs. He nods once in agreement.

“Why?” She—he’s guessing, but quite certain—spins the knife in her grip, but does not let it fall away from its target. The blade scratches a thin line into his skin.

“Political differences,” he grits out. Between the figure’s cowl and the night’s cover, there is no telling who stares back at him. Or what.

“Bold of you,” she replies. “To keep secrets from one who holds your life in her hands.”

Her. He was right. Hardly a victory given the circumstances, but it’s something to cling to.

“You follow Bane. Or at least,” she nods to the Harper splayed out on the wet cobblestone, “he thought you did.”

“Do you mean to gut me for it?”

He swears he can feel her smiling, and imagines a mouth of razor teeth.

“Do I look like a Harper, Banite?” The shadow sheaths her knife with a sweeping motion, flexing her long fingers as if she’d been holding it for some time.

“Difficult to say.”

She lets out a curt sigh, and lowers her hood. There is an uncanny air to her, a predator’s aura; her dark hair is a mess, and a pair of unblinking yellow eyes stare back at him. Curious, he first thinks. And then it dawns on him.

Hungry.

As a boy, Enver watched a cat corner a mouse. The feral thing swatted it back and forth, tearing at it with its claws, before finally planting the killing bite.

It is not a memory he often thinks of.

[smolla-than-a-bug]

you’re definitely flirting with me

—jason todd x villain!reader

second and final part to are you flirting with me. can be read as a stand-alone tho

navi | bat boys m.list | are you flirting with me

content — language, blood, mentions of harassment, mildly suggestive (use of the word ‘daddy’ but ironically)

notes — i know that its literally been years and that i formerly posted a part two to are you flirting with me, but looking back, i didn't like how it turned out. i did find a fun drabble in my drafts with villain!reader as well, so i decided to rewrite it and use it as a continuation. i actually deleted the old parts personally, i prefer this version of the end!

"I'm in."

"Hot. You should be able to see–"

"Nothing?"

Silence.

"Is this your way of telling me you're visually impaired?"

"I will scoop your eyes out in your sleep."

"Please use an ice cream scooper. My eyeballs would fit so well, it would be so satisfying–"

"Harper."

"Okay, okay. What do you mean nothing?"

"By nothing I mean nothing, ball sack. The warehouse is fucking empty."

Frantic rustling of papers and violent knocking of objects could be heard on Roy's end of the line. Jason sighed, going to pinch the bridge of his nose before realizing he had a helmet on. 

The whole situation was throwing him off his rhythm — that much was evident. The intel they had collected on the gang of criminals seemed too obvious, too predictable. Jason had his suspicions, but Roy was quick to shut him down. 'Dude, trust me,' he said. Famous last words.

A crackle of static sounded in his earpiece. Roy's voice urgent and choppy before completely dying out. Jason could only attempt to call out to his partner in the hopes of a full response, but his efforts brought no avail. That's another thing that went wrong today.

"Hey, sexy."

What in the fuck.

"Your ass looks great from this angle. The party you're looking for is in a bar on the other side of the city, by the way."

You couldn't actually see him, but he doesn't need to know that. It's just your thing to mess with him, and by the sounds of him cussing you out for hacking into his means of communication, it was working. It was amusing. He kept you entertained.

That was all you had to say to him for now though, so you bid him goodbye. The roaring of his motorcycle over his colorful language directed at you was the last thing you heard before you cut off and allowed his partner to get back on the line.

"Jaybird? You there?"

"Ah, you're back. I'm never trusting you with getting intel again."

"Whatever. Anyway, was that...?"

"Yeah. Y/v/n."

"Hm. I don't know what she's on, but you have no ass like–"

"And yet I have more ass than you, so shut the fuck up, paddle board."

“That... That was a bit harsh, bro.”

Soft gushes of wind blew against your masked face. You shut your eyes, feeling the breeze and relishing in your little moment of peace. Lazily pacing, you hummed a random tune.

Your mischief and cunningness is something your alias was known for. Most often, it's a convenient trait to be able to slip around with ease and get the job done in a snap, but sometimes you get bored. It can be such a drag when nobody tries a confrontation with you. That's why you're so fond of the Red Hood. It's a shame that it's been a while since you've seen him around, so imagine your delight when you feel a familiar presence behind you.

You took a seat at the edge of the building. To anyone, you would've looked like you were having your main character moment, peacefully looking over the city if not for the small pile of bodies rotting away not too far from you. The dried blood on your attire and your fingers no longer irked you in the slightest. It's something you've gotten used to, which lead to your habit of picking the blood under your nails. Red gets annoyed when you do this — all the more reason to entertain your habit in front of him.

You let your legs dangle over the edge without a care. You didn't bother to greet the vigilante, who currently had a gun aimed at your back. Sigh.

“Oh, I do hate the sight of blood.”

“Well then, maybe — just maybe — you shouldn’t kill for a living.”

That got you to turn your head to face him. You cock an eyebrow — doesn’t he kill for a living too? Sure, his victims are usually criminals and thugs while yours are people you’re paid to target, usually business owners and the occasional politician, but you digress. Details. The point is, he kills people too.

A few seconds of staring and prolonging the tension passed, and Jason weighed his options before eventually putting down his gun. He then opted to join you on the ledge.

“So,” he started, “what’s your favorite color?”

Funny.

“Sweetheart, if you thought you’d be able to keep me entertained with small talk... I think I’d rather you shot me.”

You stood up from your spot on the ledge and leaned over the rooftop to examine your altitude. You grin to yourself.

“What are you doing?”

You don’t answer. You want to see something. Instead you turn your body to face Jason and mockingly salute him before leaping off the building, though not before you heard him call out your alias’ name and yell a panicked ‘Wait!’

Immediately after you, Jason followed. You chuckled when you saw him get closer. You enjoyed fooling him around almost as much as you enjoyed fooling around with him.

With no time to waste, he pulled out his grappling hook, yanked your body by the waist, and zipped to the rooftop of the nearest building — one different from the last one you were on.

Jason‘s heaving chest radiated distress.

“You’re fucking insane! You could have died!”

You stood in front of him, arms crossed and your stance relaxed. Nobody would’ve suspected that you literally jumped off a building just a few seconds ago. Aw, you pout, he cares about me.

“Would’ve made your job easier. You know, you heroes are supposed to get rid of the bad guys.”There’s humor in your eyes. Jason knows you’re enjoying this. He hates how much you enjoy this. “So, why’d you save me?”

“Why’d you help me with my mission last time?”

He’s deflecting. Cute.

“Hey, I asked you a question first.” You know he won’t budge til you give him an answer. He’s probably been asking himself that question since it happened. You mentally pout, aww he thinks of me. Sigh. Okay, fine.

“The gang you were after just so happened to have given me a job a little while ago.” You recall some of the gang members attempting to grope you. Some unpleasant memories you’d rather live without. “Pissed me off. Now your turn.”

Why’d you save me?

A pause. He shifted to look to the side. Oh, this is interesting.

“You could have died.” Ah, this again.

“Well, you’ve died,” you remind him. “Not that it really stuck.”

He says your name — your real name. You wonder when he discovered your identity, but then again, you’re not all that surprised. It’s him after all.

He can see your growing smile the longer he refuses to answer your question. He knows you’re already thinking of something, and still opts to ignore your question, allowing you to further indulge in your thoughts. He dreads you enlightening him; he knows it’s coming. Jason could not fathom how one woman could frustrate him so much.

“You like me.” There it is, he thinks. There’s your stupid smirk and your dumb air of arrogance.

“Come on, just admit it, hot shot. You can’t live without me.” Okay, maybe that one’s a bit of a stretch (just a bit), but you stand by it nonetheless.

You grin wide as you approach him. Leaning slightly forward to grab Jason by the collar and pull him down to meet your eyes, you repeat yourself.

“You like me.” Stated with more emphasis, like a significant fact that you try to drill into your head when studying for an exam.

“I’ll shoot you.”

“Please, daddy.”

© smolla-than-a-bug, 2021. please do not copy or repost my works. reblogs are appreciated!

tags — @iwriteaboutstuff @comicsgirlimagines @httpfandxms

[oddsnendsfanfics]

It’s the Best Time of The Year

Genre: Fan Fiction (Night Hunter) Pairing: Lt Walter Marshall /Reader Warnings: Pure Fluff! Get your sweet tooth ready! Rating: G Length: Drabble Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.  

A/N: A little fluffy, okay a lot of fluffy, Christmas-ish Walter. 

Henry Cavill Master List

From outside the house, Walter could hear Holly Jolly Christmas blaring throughout, unlocking the door and trudging inside he kicked the snow off his boots before leaving them on the mat beside the front door. Typically, this would lead to him lecturing you about being aware of your surroundings. Anybody could break in and...he stopped seeing you and his daughter attempting to waltz through the kitchen.

Racks of cookies were littering the counter tops, various sized boxes took up what cookies didn't. Squares, pies, and handmade chocolates took up even more space on the table, spilling into the dining room. Someone had been busy. Blissfully unaware of his presence, you and Faye continued to laugh and dance. Aprons and cheeks covered in flour. Faye's dark hair had splatters of red icing here and there.

Foregoing the lecture, Walter gave in – this once. Watching for a few more seconds before clearing his throat to alert you of his presence.

“Walt!” You exclaim letting go of Faye, the two of you giggling like crazy, “You're home early.” You rush to give him a quick peck.

“Harper forced me out.” His laugh is soft and deep. Eyeing you and his daughter, he raises his brow. “Did I interrupt, ladies?”

“Not at all. We were working on dinner, while finishing up some baking.” You answer happily, smiling wide. The music continues to play, at a lower level, thanks to Faye.

“Hey dad.” The teenager hugs her father tightly. Kissing the top of her head, Walter takes a deep breath resting his chin there for a moment. “So, off early. Did Hell freeze over?”

“Language.” Walter mumbles, nudging her. “And no. I am home early, because I have decided to take a few days off. Harper decided I should start early. Come home and enjoy the chaos.”

“Excuse me?” Faye is wide eyed. “Did I hear that right? You, my father, Walter Marshall, are taking a few days off? Dad, are you dying?”

“No,” Chuckling Walter shakes his head. Sliding his arm around you, he pulls you closer. “I had some time to use and decided to spend Christmas home. Is that a big deal?”

Giggling, you wink at Faye indicating that there is more to this story than her father is telling her. Tapping her foot on the tiled floor, Faye wrinkles her nose. She's not buying it. No where in her memory, did she recall her father taking time off.

“Uh huh. Right, okay.” Rolling her eyes she scoffs.

“Why is that so hard to believe?” Walter glances at you.

“Because you never take time off. Ever.” You answer for Faye.

When Walter had told you that he wanted to take Christmas off, it was startling. He rarely took time off and always worked the holidays. Faye would stay with her mother, while Walter practically lived in his office. “Crime doesn't take Christmas off.” He would fuss. In the four years that you had known Walter, two that you were together, he hardly took time off for anything.  Upon further discovery, it seemed nobody could remember the last time the Detective took more than a day off. A whole week off, including Christmas, this really was some sort of Christmas Miracle.

“Which is why I have decided to take the time. Is it a crime that I want Christmas with my family?”

“No.” Faye shrugged. Stirring the sauce in the pot, Faye sighed. She was not buying whatever her father was selling.

“Why don't you run up, get changed, and we will have dinner nearly ready by then.” You gently pat Walter's chest, giving him another quick kiss. “Go, we can marvel at the impossible when you come back down.” Not missing the chance to tease him.

Shaking his head and muttering about what terrible influences you and Faye were on one another, Walter returned the kiss, before turning on his heel and heading to change out of his office attire. Downstairs you and Faye had reverted back to your antics, tossing a piece of lettuce at her you laughed when she smacked you with the salad spoon. Walter would pretend to ignore it, but you knew that he enjoyed the chaos. He especially loved that you and Faye got on so well.

He would tell you every time she came over, how much he loved that she had decided to love you as much as he did. It was pretty hard not to love her back. When you had started dating Walter, you knew he had a daughter, and an ex-wife. Both, who at times, gave him grief. You had quickly worked out that it wasn't in a malicious intent, they simply worried about him. Especially Faye.

“My god that smells fantastic,” Walter commented walking through the house to rejoin his family.

“Faye made it,” You beamed with pride, arms wrapping around Walter's torso. You loved how warm he always was. Even more so since the winter had once again came. Snuggling into his side, you felt him relax while you watched Faye finish dinner.

“And who made all these?” He gestured to the baking.

“It was a joint effort.” Looking over her shoulder from the stove, Faye answered with a smile. “We're taking some down to the station tomorrow.”

“They will love that,” Walter smiled softly.

“Since you're off for vacation, we could use the extra pair of hands.” Faye winked, sticking out her tongue. “Or if we take you to work, will you end up staying, because crime doesn't take Christmas off.” She did her best impression of her father. You couldn't help but snort a little.

“Hush, you.” Walter bumped you with his hip. “I can go to work and not work.”

“Oh really?” Faye challenged. “Why did you all of a sudden decide to take time off, anyway?”

“Well,” Walter cleared his throat, leaning over you to reach for a snowflake shaped cookie, “I wanted to take some time to celebrate.”

“Should we tell her?” You ask watching Faye's expression. Confusion growing.

“Think she can handle it?” Walter teased.

“Yes!” Faye urged, bouncing on her feet. “Yes, tell me!”

The suspense was going to kill her. There were a million things in her mind. Whatever her imagination was telling her, you could only hope this was going to be as good. Faye was a good kid, you had worked hard all afternoon, worrying that you would let the cat out of the bag. Walter would have been fine with you sharing the surprise, but you wanted him to be there, too.

“Okay, but I want you to know that this changes nothing. I am still going to love you and...”

“Oh my GOD!” Shouting and squealing, Faye waved her hands excitedly. “You're pregnant!”

Wide eyed Walter nearly choked on the second cookie he had swiped. Laughing, you can feel his heart racing like a damn cheetah. Her face was priceless, but it was time to break her poor little heart.

“Uh, no.” You pout and shrug. “No brothers or sisters, yet.”

“Okay, so then what...”

“We're getting married.” Walter announced, unceremoniously. His eyes bright and his smile infectious.

“Dad!” Faye exclaimed, her hands wildly waving in excitement. “You were supposed to let me help you. Holy shit, how bad did he screw this up? Where's your ring? He did buy a ring, right? I told him about the...”

“Faye,” Walter's tone was stern.

“He didn't screw it up, at all.” You pat his chest, beaming. “And there is a ring, but it had to be sized. I'll have it back next week, but I have pictures.”

“Oh my god, I NEED to see them!” Shouting happily, Faye forgot about the dinner she was making. “Let me see! I need to see it! Dad! This is amazing!” tears in her eyes she hugged Walter's neck tightly.

Hugging his daughter, tight, Walter felt a wave of relief. He had assumed that Faye would take the news well, but one could never be too sure in these situations. Letting go of his neck, Faye wiped her eyes quick, before attacking you in her next hug.

Excitedly squealing as she loosened her grip, Faye paused. “Who else knows?”

“Us, you. We wanted to tell you first.” Walter spoke, as he took over dinner.

“How long have you...”

“Four days,” You wipe your own tears. “Oh my god, Faye. It was so perfect and so unexpected. Your old man has charm.” You giggle like a teenager. “I was getting ready for work...”

“You asked her while she was getting ready for work? Dad,” Faye rolled her eyes at him.

Walter shrugged it off. Whatever, you'd said “yes” that was good enough for him.

You had been upstairs in your bathroom, getting ready for work, when you'd walked out to Walter in the hall way. Kissing you, he took a step back, revealing the black box in the palm of his hand. No words. No grand gesture. But you knew exactly what he was asking. Tears, blurring your vision you allowed him to open the box and slide the slightly larger than needed ring on your left hand.

“It was so cute, though.” You defend your fiancé – You can't help but mull the word over. It feels so...odd to think of Walter in such terms.

“Dinner,” Walter announced turning off the gas on the stove. Not that it mattered, the two of you were still talking about how he had proposed and the things you loved, verses what Faye would have had him do differently. Whatever. You two would eat when you were good and ready.

“This is so amazing! This is going to be perfect. Can I come dress shopping with you?”

“I would hope my maid of honour wants to come dress shopping.” Catching Walter's eye, you winked.

“Really? I don't know...wow.” Breathing deeply to steady herself, Faye shook with delight. “Really? You want me?”

“Yes, silly!” You exclaim, hugging her again. Oh god it felt so good to tell Faye the news. Your head would have exploded if you'd had to keep this quiet any longer.

Grabbing your hand, Faye linked her fingers with yours, the two of you twirling around laughing and chattering about weddings. Walter was comfortable to lean against the counter watching the two of you dance around like fools. Dinner would keep, he could heat it in the microwave later. Dancing and singing to It's Beginning to Look a lot Like Christmas, you broke away from Faye, dancing over to Walter.

“May I have this dance?” You wink, pulling his arm.

Unfolding his arms, he allowed you to take his hand. Expertly twirling you around, Walter smiled when Faye whistled. Who knew her dad could dance? Moving you back to him, Walter held you against his chest gently swaying to the time of the music. He had spent a few nights this week dancing happily around the kitchen, living room, hell even the bathroom with you. It was silly, but Walter was beginning to enjoy the laid back approach to life.

“Faye,” Walter furrowed his brow, sighing. Pretending to grump as she recorded the two of you.

“What? You two are adorable. Dad, when did you get those moves?”

“I happen to be a fine dancer,” Walter let go of your hand, grasping Faye's free hand and taking her by surprise. Quickly handing off her phone, Faye carefully followed Walter's lead.

Laughing when Walter spun her around, sending her across the room, Faye caught her balance on the edge of the breakfast table. She could never remember her dad having this much fun or laughing this hard. Dancing around, you laugh when Walter quickly dips you pulling you back up and kissing you softly. Faye's mock retching noises going ignored.

“Thank you,” his lips against your, Walter smiles.

“For?”

“For saying yes and agreeing to marry me. For making me take time to enjoy my family.”

“It's nearly Christmas, Walt. A few days off, a party or two, it won't hurt. You work hard, sweetheart. You need to relax.” You lean into his chest, inhaling the scent of amber and sage.

Clearing her throat, Faye stood with a cookie in her hand, nibbling casually. “Uh, I know that you said I wasn't going to have a sibling, but um...could you not make one right now.”

[astoldbygingersnaps]

Harper’s 2020 Fic Wrap-Up

my very good friend and incredibly talented felow writer @sagemoderocklee came up with the idea of doing an end of the year fic wrapup in an attempt to polish the turd known as 2020, and since i actually managed to get some writing done this year i figured, why not jump on the bandwagon? 

a lot of super duper fucking shitty things happened in 2020, but i will always be proud that in this incredibly chaotic, stressful, and challenging year i managed to produce almost 180k of content (and that’s not even counting the writing i started in 2020 but haven’t published yet). so, to celebrate what’s been a pretty big achievement for me, i wanted to go through the various projects i’ve spent the last twelve months working on and give a preview of my plans for 2021.

let’s jump in!

projects i worked on/completed in 2020:

first off, let’s start with the beast to end all beasts, my personal baby, and honestly probably the reason most people follow me -- star trek au:

something bigger than the sky (shiita; 44,163 words; completed): 

i’ve said this before, but the whole idea for star trek au was literally just a joke between me and my-then girlfriend, now-fiancee, and eternal shiita enabler alexa aka @durintrash (by the way, if you follow me for my fics and you DON’T follow alexa for her corresponding art WHAT, exactly, are you doing with your life????) where i sat in a space-themed diner and said ‘haha imagine itachi as a vulcan.’ but then i blinked and suddenly somehow i’d written the prologue and the first chapter of SBTTS in the span of a week. it’s like i was possessed by a fanfic demon.

it sounds super cheesy but i honestly can’t say enough how important this fic has been to me and how much it’s pushed me to be a more productive and more dedicated writer. previously i spent a lot of time Thinking about writing and occasionally i’d put a few words on the page and then i’d go... do... something... else. but star trek au was the first idea i loved enough that it actually pushed me to write and keep writing and not give up even when i was confronted with things like writer’s block and worry over the quality of my writing. so thank you, star trek au, for being the light in a very dark year for me. 

by the end of SBTTS, i felt like i accomplished everything i wanted to do with the story’s beginning installment: i introduced all the characters and set the groundwork for their development; i showed what life on the corvus was like and how starfleet, the federation, and the universe functioned; and, more than anything, i was able to sketch out both the main protagonists -- itachi and shisui -- with all their strengths and flaws, show their relationship to one another, and hint at how that relationship would progress. 

all the stars are closer (shiita; 75,195 words; completed)

considering how slow i used to be at writing, i thought it would be, like, twelve years before i managed to get to the second part in the series. BUT then covid happened and i half-lost, half-quit my job, and like a lot of people this year i ended up with a lot of free time on my hands. and so, like a fucking demon, i finished this part in two and a half months. 

when i originally planned this part out, i really thought it would be a lot shorter and a lot lighter atmosphere-wise than it turned out. instead, this second section of the story ended up being pretty meaty in terms of length and in subject.

that said, overall, i’m really happy with how ATSAC turned out. i loved the way the characters progressed, how the relationships deepened, and how we were able to see this universe grow bigger and more complicated. and i’m very satisifed with how it set the stage for part three, which takes us to...

lovers alone wear sunlight (shiita; 41,518 words; in progress)

there’s... a lot about this part that i just can’t talk about yet, a) because it isn’t finished and b) because it contains some of the biggest plot points in the entire series thus far. if you’ve been keeping up with the stardates thus far (which i encourage you to do!) you know what part three is leading up to: itachi leaving the corvus and the dissolution of shisui and itachi’s growing relationship. 

with that in mind, i’m... more than a little terrified about writing part three, which is why the third chapter has been languishing in my google drive for months now. (and also why i started not one, but TWO new fics to cope with my writer’s block. whoops.) chapter three is where all the parts come together and shit hits the fan, and i can only hope that everyone will be as excited to read it as i am to publish it. 

next up, the two other projects i began this year:

salvation comes only in our dreams (shiita; canon divergence; 16,835 words; in progress)

for a long time, i’ve wanted to write something that’s actually set in the naruto universe and works to correct a lot of the flaws that i see in the series. there are a lot of things that bother me about naruto, but i think one of the things that frustrates me the most is the really messy and in some ways offensive resolution to the uchiha coup plot thread, and i wanted to write a story that dealt with the complicated themes of the series--imperialism, oppression, genocide, child soldiers--but, like, didn’t suck and completely drop the ball. thus, the massacre au was born. 

my main goal was to tell a story that showed a lot of these characters in ways we’ve never seen them before, specifically itachi. i didn’t want to write itachi as just an idealist who suffers and Suffers AND SUFFERS for konoha yet still remains loyal to the village for some unfathomable reason like he is in the series. i wanted to write an itachi that was sharper, more jaded, and more suspicious of the world around him, but overall was still a good person with a kind heart. and for shisui, well... obviously there’s a lot going on there, too. 

this is easily the darkest story i’ve ever written, and as the plot thickens it will certainly get darker with relationship dynamics that are complicated and unhealthy At Best. i hope that as the story goes on it’s a ride people continue to enjoy, as i was super pleasantly surprised at how popular this fic became (compared to my usual stats, at least) 

oceans between us (shiita; alternate universe; 15,039 words; in progress)

it’s good to know that i continue to be the most ridiculously niche version of myself as yes, i wrote a fucking shiita atonement au. 

with each fic i write i try to have a very specific voice that suits the particular piece and distinguishes it from other stories that include the same characters. for example, star trek au chapters tend to be more fun and light-hearted (especially shisui POV chapters) and lean more into the action movie and sci-fi adventure feel of the star trek universe, while the massacre au is written in a way that’s much heavier and guided by itachi’s emotions and experiences. my main goal with this story was to give it the same romantic, operatic, almost hazy quality that the movie has, which reflects the period setting and also the nature of this grand tragic love story. 

i knew from the beginning that there were going to be a lot of things that i cut from the film in my retelling, like the lola subplot and obviously the setting of pre-wwii england. i also knew i wanted to explore some of the aspects of the film that were implied more than outright stated, like the themes of classism and upper-class privileges. and more than anything i wanted to structure this piece around this idea of tension building and building until it finally snaps and there’s just a world of mess and hurt and loss that affects these two characters in two very different ways. 

also, the sex scene. i haven’t written a sex scene for anything in, like, a decade, so that was a lot of pressure. but i’m happy with how it came out and i think it ended up being an aspect of the story that felt like both a natural progression and necessary to show the affection these two people have for one another.

originally i was just going to end the story with shisui going to jail, but when i told alexa this i genuinely thought she was going to kill me. so, that didn’t happen lmao. but the more i tried to imagine what a second chapter would look like, the more i realized she was right, and it would have been a terrible idea to end the fic there. as for whether or not the final chapter will keep That Ending... who can say?

goals i have for 2021:

finishing lovers alone wear sunlight and, if i’m very lucky, beginning the fourth and second to last part of star trek au (yes, as it currently stands this 160k+ word series is only halfway finished. sorry not sorry)

publishing the next chapter of salvation comes only in our dreams (i don’t know when it will drop. i don’t know anything about this fic. please do not @ me) 

completing oceans between us (the second and final chapter is currently sitting at about 4k words and will probably end up at about 15k in total)

completing and publishing a new fic i’ve started at the very end of 2020, which is the shiita jurassic world au nobody but me and alexa knew they wanted. it’s essentially a 90s romcom with dinosaurs and i cannot Wait to share it. (it’s at about 9k right now and will probably end up being around 20k to 23k in total... maybe...)

FINALLY starting my dream project: the shiita olympics au i’ve been planning for years, where itachi is a figure skater and shisui is a hockey player (i’d like to keep this under 150k but at this point trying to keep my stories at a managable word count is a losing battle)

anyway, that’s it! if you managed to get this far in this very self-indulgent and shameless bit of self promotion, congrats! also, a very big thank you to everyone who’s read my fics, left me kudos and comments, and spent their time on my work, because it really does mean the world to me. 

here’s hoping 2021 is a much healthier and happier year for us all! 

[wayneprincess]

okay but imagine Gotham/Barry crossover episode, whole concept based entirely on the fact that Anthony Carrigan blessed us both with Victor Zsasz and NoHo Hank

so Fuches contracts a job for Barry in Gotham City and Hank just tags along to do some Chechnian business in Gotham

the trio arrives in Gotham just to be shot at right out of the airport, they assume it's the Hungarian mafia but in fact it was Maroni's goons who have heard the rumors about Zsasz escorting Penguin's important business partners

Barry and co somehow manage to escape

Gordon and Bullock go to the scene and investigate it, one of the witnesses says they have seen Victor Zsasz with two other men

Alvarez, having a bit of repressed crush on Zsasz points out that their favourite bald hitman usually usese different caliber but nobody really listens to him

meanwhile the LA guys try to figure out the best plan for Barry to kill the dude he's supposed to kill, it's doesn't help that he's high ranking war veteran and CEO in Wayne industries

Harper as the only brain cell owner in the entire GCPD suggests looking at the airport CCTV

it's kinda blurry but they sorta kinda can see incredibly pale bald head

beautiful Irish speciman and his BFF go to Penguin to find out what was that all about

Penguin sincerely has no idea what are they talking about and declares that Zsasz was just hanging around his house all the time

Gordon threatens Penguin with graveling voice, Bullock tries to calm down Gordon

Penguin says something about being a disrespected king of Gotham

Zsasz walks into the room, munching on pepperoni pizza and greets the dynamic duo with "What's up?“

when being accused of shooting Maroni's people and shown the picture, Zsasz sighs and offers to strip so Gordon could see that there are no fresh scars on his body

before Zsasz starts unbuttoning his vest, Harper calls Gordon to inform him that she's looking at Zsasz right now, talking to a clerk in a Russian bakery

Gordon makes his trademark shocked face

Zsasz denies having any twin brothers or copycat minions

Bullock suggests Strange cloning Zsasz

Penguin gets enraged because nobody will clone his best hitman without his permission and decides that they all need to go see the man Harper recongized as Zsasz

they arrive just as NoHo gets out of the bakery with a bag full of babkas and chałkas

Zsasz jumps out of the car, stops the traffic and yells "Who the fuck are you?"

Hank drops the bag, babka dramatically fall to the ground

"What the fuck?"

"I asked you first!“

“I'm sorry, I know it's not polite to answer a question with another question..."

Penguin whispers that they are identical, Gordon nods, but Harvey disagrees

"Are you blind? *shouting* Hey, posh golf club Zsasz and normal Zsasz, let's talk about your shared daddy somewhere more private!“

Zsasz takes out his gun and shoots top of Harvey's hat without even turning to look at him

NoHo Hank runs

whole classic Gotham chasing sequence, complete with Gordon screaming "GeeCeePeeDee!!!“

running Hank bumps into Barry

Barry: "That's the buinsess you were supposed to take care of? Killing your goth twin brother?!"

NoHo Hank: "No, I was supposed to pick up Bregovic's famous bread dough recipe, I have never seen that man before!"

Barry: "All you have to do is look in the mirror, that man is a carbon copy of you!"

Barry has a shot out with Zsasz, Barry gets wounded, Zsasz is knocked unconscious by Gordon before he can kill Barry

Bullock catches Hank

they are all transported to the precinct

Lee patches up Barry and says something vaguely profound about living honest life

Gordon and Bullock interview NoHo Hank, but then the precinct is attacked by combined forces of Nygma, Firefly, Jarvis Tetch, Mr Freeze, the Maniax, Joker and Scarecrow

turns out it was Fuches who orchestrated the attack

Fuches quickly kills Penguin and the whole GCPD and becomes the King of Gotham

Zsasz becomes his best hitman, Barry's finally free to pursue his acting career, NoHo Hank opens a hotel

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

ok but,,,, imagine this analodukeceit au

fantasy setting. logan, remus, deceit and virgil a a gang of exiles, cast out for various reasons. they fall in love with each other and go on adventures together.

Logan Blackberry Everton, 27

Expert swordsman. Refuses to harm or threaten anyone he considers an ally with his sword.

Exiled 6 years ago because he "betrayed" the royal throne of the Paawtonia kingdom, by killing the heir, Dayd Harper, on the day before his coronation.

In reality, Dayd was a corrupt ruler waiting to happen, and knew that Dayd was going to bring his kingdom down to ashes.

Before exile, Logan was a royal guard, specifically Patton Harper's personal guard. He & Patton were in love, and when Patton had discovered what Logan had done to his older brother he exiled him, and by the time Patton learned the truth it was too late. Logan was too far away. Their love has faded into history.

Logan's never seen without bandages covering his arms, from shoulder to wrist. Can't tell you why, it's spoilers.

Calm, calculated, but loving. Knows exactly how to calm his lovers due to his experience with having to deal with Patton's occasional mental breakdowns because Patton had a rough childhood.

Ethan "Deceit" Moreau, 25

Works with a staff + sword combo. His boyfs thought his sword was odd for a while until Ethan finally revealed he and the "sword" could cast magic.

Exiled because he was born in an anti-magic kingdom, having magic powers. He naturally knows dark and deceptive magic, and he taught himself some fire & psychic magic later in his life.

Never seen without his body almost 100% covered and part of his face covered. The location that's covered is always changing. Sometimes one eye, sometimes both, sometimes his mouth, etc. It is unknown in the group why he does so. It is theorized to have something to do with his magic, perhaps a side effect? Only Ethan & the people from his home village knows.

Reserved. Keeps things close to his chest(metaphorically). Will take things you say about him seriously and it will take a while before he forgives you for it. He thinks fast on his feet, and is usually the reason his boyfriends dodge being hit by someone, because otherwise they'd have no clue.

Remus & Roman Aveyard, 23

Remus uses a large, spiky battle hammer as a weapon. It's lighter than it looks, most of the impact and damage comes from the spikes. Remus just likes swinging a hammer more than a morningstar.

Roman is never seen without a shield. He'll take any weapon, but he knows to protect himself during combat. He'd never intentionally give up his shield for another person, it's all about keeping himself protected.

Exiled together at the age of 16 for sabotaging their kingdom, Fairience. They hated their father, Romulus, their mother, Farah, and their older brother, Pryce; Which led them to the foolish decision to attempt to assassinate their whole family and take over the throne together. The twins successfully killed off their parents but were halted before getting to their brother.

Pryce took over the throne, the twins got chased out of the kingdom and were hailed fugitives. They tried to stick together until eventually during an ambush they got separated and presumed each other dead, so they went their separate ways.

7 years later which is when the story starts, Remus had ended up in the exile gang this au is about, while Roman became the leader of a gang of thieves. The gang Roman leads is known to bring harm to whoever resists their ways, no matter what. They'll even overthrow their own leader if the leader goes against their ways.

Remus was mostly alone those 7 years, and became touch starved because of it. So this short, rambunctious kid known for frequently going beserk curls up in fear, shaking, just from being touched. Roman however, is not touch starved but is vary wary about strangers touching him, causing him to quickly dodge oncoming contact from someone new faster than most people could, it's a sixth sense for him to know when unfamiliar touch is coming.

Remus is super wild and all over the place, and at times seems so hyper that he must've had a lot of sugar. He's not afraid to roast & talk sh** about someone, and slap a b***h too. But when it comes to his boyfriends, Remus is very affectionate, giving lots of compliments and kisses. He is very good at distracting them from whatever is bothering them as well.

Roman is prideful and despite him keeping a shield with him most of the time, he's not very cautious. He'll dive headfirst into danger with a shield in hand. He's one of the few who can keep Remus under control(aside from Remus's bfs). He will gossip about you, just accept it. On the outside he acts very social and outgoing but on the inside he's very shy and just wants to get away from the crowds.

Roman isn't as big in this AU as Remus is, Roman's just put here for convenience.

Virgil Caverly-Deckett, 24 (His name in the image is wrong)

Rogue, uses close-range weapons like daggers. He intimidates most who get close to him so it gives him the advantage.

Exiled for being only part human. His mother had an affair with a demon, so he's part demon. His birthplace is known for being heavily religious, and all the people saw him as a child of sin. So against his mothers cries for mercy, he was chased out of town the day he turned 8, which is when the rumors of him being part demon were proven due to his demon heritage finally coming to light. He still doesn't know what type of demon he partially is, as the only signs he has shown so far are the tiny horns that stick out of his head, the odd patches of skin on his arms and his sharper-than-average fingernails.

He was found and raised by the Dragon Witch, who is actually a relative of Virgil's birth father. Virgil then left his new home at age 19, because he wanted to make a name for himself out there(as well as find others like him), but he occaisonally visits his "Mother Witch"(as he sometimes refers to her as) whenever he can and spends time with her.

Prior to meeting the exile gang, he stopped speaking sentences longer than 10 words, and nobody knows why except for Virgil himself. Not even his Mother Witch, because he hadn't visited since it happened. He can frequently be seen counting on his fingers over and over.

Vigilant. Was pretty vagrant too, until he met his lovers. Soft spoken when calm, but when in battle or stressed his voice is loud, booming, and aggressive. His glare is powerful due to being part demon, he can convince people to back down with it. He rarely uses it on his boyfriends, its only when it's absolutely necessary. He's super affectionate, but in a cuddly way. He's silently demanding them to cuddle him a lot, and they give in because either they want to or they can't resist.

Other noteworthy characters:

Patton Catonica Harper, 24: Ruler of Paawtonia. Used to be in love with Logan but exiled him out of grief after he killed his brother, Dayd. Found out once Logan was long gone that Lo had done him a favor and has since become a shadow of his former self.

Serilda "Dragon Witch" Caverly, ???: Mother figure to Virgil. Master of making potions, charms, and other magical objects. Casts spells with staff. Has wings on her back that she can shrink for comfort and grow when she wants to fly. She also has dragon-like pupils, and has dragon claws, feet, horns, and tail that she can disguise at will for ease. She is a Draconic Demon.

Remy Brantley, 20: Wizard in training. Focuses on sleep-related spells & items. Has trouble with duration of his spells.

Emile Picani, 23: Patton's head servant and best friend. Essentially Patton's therapist as well, as he's the only one who has helped the depressed king with his trauma.

Thomas Sanders, 21: Wizard in training & Remy's best friend. Born in Paawtonia & is faithful to his kingdom. Knows Logan because they are cousins, was very close to him. Fears the day Logan returns because that means, as a defender of Paawtonia, he would have to kill the intruding exile.

So yeah,,,, Analodukeceit Exiles au. Clothing is slightly too modern for the setting but screw it. i'll draw these extra characters later kshfjshfks only the characters in the ship this au is based around were necessary for this post,,, i only added roman cuz it was easier.

i'm 85% likely gonna write a series about this au,,,, lmk if you wanna be added to the taglist. speaking of which, the taglist: @tottalynotgayatall @ollyollyoxinfree @locked-prism @gyllenhoe-f99 @bexxbeauty @a-random-queer-humanoid(you didn't say you wanted to be tagged but i thought you would like to)

[foxesandmagic]

Who would be friends with Stacey Byers, Minerva Bane, Arianne Martin, Camila Nelson, and/or Harper Harrison?

Hey, thank you so much for sending these.

So, I think that on some level, Stacey and Fox (an original OC) would get along. Both of them have been shaped by the past in different ways, things that have made them more capable of dealing with things people their age possibly shouldn’t. I feel like they’d have each other’s backs through big and little things.

Minerva and Anya (my Shadowhunters OC) I think would get along. Neither of them seem to like Shadowhunters very much, and they both seem to be prepared to do what they can to protect the people they care about. They’d bond over concern about Magnus - even if they show it in different ways. Despite how much she dislikes Shadowhunters, I have a feeling Anastasia may actually have to spend a little time trying to prevent Minnie from killing Shadowhunters at some point. 

I have a strange feeling that Arianne might get along quite well with my original OC Cleo. So, I haven’t shared much about Cleo, but I can imagine Arianne quite liking the fact that Cleo doesn’t seem to have any idea about her as a famous person - Cleo really focuses on science and experiments and things. I think having someone like Cleo around, leaning towards the lowkey geek Ari is at heart. 

For Camila, I think she’d get on well with Marcos (my Riverdale OC). They both have similar likes - with motorbikes and leather jackets - which would be a good starting point for their friendship. Also, they’re both good with kids, and seem to be prepared to look out for them, especially when nobody else will. 

So, aside from Robin I feel Harper would get along with Ella (an original OC of mine). They both seem like very kind people, even if circumstances might otherwise have people acting the contrary. They’re positive in a way that other people can’t seem to quite understand sometimes. 

Ask Box Games

Ask Box Answers

[perahn]

4, Jadesa and/or 9, Khem&Shay

the shuffle was not kind to slave!verse Jadesa

 Everybody Has a Dream, Billy Joel

Then all I have are these games that I've been playing To keep my hope from crumbling away

So let me lie and let me go on sleeping And I will lose myself in palaces of sand And all the fantasies that I have been keeping Will make the empty hours easier to stand

It was dark, and Jadesa was alone in her cell. The barakir did this, sometimes, when there were long passages of Mulhorandi. Her fluency in most languages Nishkir Khemuret Xul wrote in was valuable, and there were more and more of those each day. Passages in Giant and Dwarvish and Celestial (which Connor had translated, and she had to get him to teach her before the barakir sold one of them), even Deep Speech. Then there were two in Chondathan, thoughts about Harper in his own native tongue, which was… well, the barakir didn’t care to hear the textual evidence demonstrating how a Red Wizard could fall fathoms deep in love with a worthless, unmagical foreigner, but that didn’t make it go away. Anyway, the point was that Khem had clearly started using a spell to give her more languages to write in, because the borrowed words were only used in the most literal senses, without the idioms and fluency of a language properly acquired.

Actually, no, the point was that a slave who could translate a lot of languages was valuable, but, if you thought like a Red Wizard, a slave who could read everything her masters wrote was potentially dangerous. So when there was a long passage in Mulhorandi, the barakir locked Jadesa away from it. Alone, because the others were still kept at work despite awakening before dawn and the scant hours left before midnight. Which meant no Serannis to gently bore her into sleep with one of his monologues on the nest-building habits of Chultan jungle-fowl – and she’d put herself to sleep for years before she’d met him, and she’d put herself to sleep for all the rest of her life after this project was finished, always assuming she was valuable enough and the barakir wasn’t paranoid enough to simply kill them all once they were no longer immediately useful…

But no point in thinking about that. Slaves shouldn’t think ahead, slaves shouldn’t think, slaves shouldn’t sit in the dark and miss other slaves, slaves shouldn’t wish, slaves shouldn’t remember, slaves shouldn’t – dream -

- but the barakir was paranoid enough to enchant them, every day, against any rival who might learn what he was working on by reading the thoughts of his slaves, and that meant, for almost the first time in her life, that what slaves shouldn’t, Jadesa could, if she wanted.

Mostly she didn’t. Memories had too much power to hurt, and there was nothing she could do about her future, and both of them knew very well why the barakir locked Serannis in with her at night, even if they both pointedly chose not to know -

So, mostly, she thought about the project and what she’d been reading, the account of just how much it took to turn a Red Wizard into something closer to a human being but also the evidence that it was possible – thoughts that were almost safe. She’d tried to imagine what they all looked like – Khem was easy, of course, Jadesa knew what Red Wizards looked like, and they even had a diagram of the tattoo Harper, Shay and Katy had inked into her scalp. She’d recognise Khem, Jadesa thought, by that alone, but surely there would be something more, something of the – kindness – she’d learned carried visibly in her expression?

The others… well, Khem wasn’t big on physical descriptions, but there were clues. Harper was tall – and for a Red Wizard to note it, that meant really tall – and grey-eyed, with a tattooed arm. Shay was grey-skinned and scarred, her hair part-shaven, small for a half-orc. Katy was pale-skinned, with either dark hair or blonde, and a lot of make-up. Jadesa had established faces for each of them, but probably they didn’t look anything like that. Probably she could watch them from a window and never guess, except that they would make a very unusual group in Thay…If they were still alive. She really wasn’t sure: Khem hadn’t been too specific with her dates, and the question was complicated, since Jadesa didn’t think there was any way Khem would have surrendered her journals willingly to the Red Wizards for translation…

If they were alive, perhaps they had gone to Arrabar after all. It was a nice thought, Headmistress Khem in her school by the sea (and Jadesa tried not to remember the sea, glittering, salt and silver, the cry of gulls) with her allies-turned-friends about her. She’d put her red robes away, perhaps, and wear blue, because she wasn’t a Red Wizard any longer. Perhaps grow her hair – well, no, probably not. That might be a step too far, and besides, the mental image was just ridiculous.

Harper would be there, love spoken plain between them. (Cort, of course, would not. Nobody wanted Cort, and, for that matter, Jorran could get over his silly crush or take it somewhere else.) Sometimes that part was hard to imagine – restless, wounded Harper finally at peace, secure in the belief that he was loved – and that Khem, who was so desperately sincere and so bad at expressing it, could give that to him… but Jadesa chose to have faith.

It… helped, somehow.

Katy and Shay, together again, both of them teaching too. Katy would be enthusiastic, loud, passionate; Shay more reserved and patient. She could see them, almost, see the sunshine on the practice yard, the stave heavy in her hands as she sparred; magic wreathing through her fingers; scribbling notes frantically, trying to keep up as Khem lectured about some obscure point of history… The murmur of the sea in the background as she ate lunch, ate food that tasted until she was full, and had enough left over to toss Serannis an apple -

- and then Jadesa realised how far her mind had wandered into dangerous territory, and banished the thought. Stone. Cold, damp stone and darkness.

Reality was a dark stone cell, and slaves shouldn’t dream.

[p-and-p-admin]

Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.  (sharing here Admin approved)

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Emma Ficready and welcome to Behind the Quill, it’s wonderful to finally have the chance to chat with you.

Many readers will know you already from works like “Chimaera” and “Sins of the father” for those that don’t,  a Trigger Warning from Emma that  their works contain graphic violence and abuse and may cause distress to some readers. 

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name? It's actually my previous name! Although very apt for a fiction writer. Though it's pronounced more like Thick - Reedy, I use it over my new name because my partner does not know I'm a fiction writer, and I  don't think they'd react well if they found out, it's something they'd struggle with. I'm a long term partial carer for them and they have some mental health issues, so I try to avoid any situations that could be a potential trigger. Plus I like having something all to myself. Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most? I think I would say I probably relate to Severus Snape the most. I can relate to how 'damaged' he is, and how much the bullying he endured as a child, affected the adult he became. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general) I think I like to read angst the most, as to me that's more real, I don't generally read stories that are entirely fluffy all the way through. I love a happy ending, but  I can't cope with total fluff because I find it unrelatable, life isn't sunshine and daisies all the time. Do you have a favourite "classic" novel? I don't know if it's old enough to be classed as a classic, but I'd have to say 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee. At what age did you start writing? Very young. I had my first poem published by aged 10. How did you get into writing fanfiction? After being heartbroken at the end of Harry Potter series , I just wanted more and I had been reading fanfiction stories for years. I was constantly looking for stories, I'd get this thought in my head and it was like 'I wonder if I can find a story about this' and when I couldn't I just thought... well why don't I write it? I also find the writing very cathartic. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works? I love hurt / comfort fics. I'm a sucker for it. It is something that I represent quite a lot in my fictions, because I can see both Hermione and Severus in that role in their own individual way. Hermione who is constantly a champion and a voice for others, and Severus who is there quietly and thanklessly fighting for others the entire time, I can see both of them naturally falling into those roles of 'saving' someone , without it being out of character. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter? I'm not particularly active in any other fandoms, I have always been a Buffy Fan and I love the Inheritance cycle books by Christopher Paolini , though short of reading other fanfictions I am not active in the community like I am with Harry Potter. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? The epilogue, probably the  most common answer you get  and I know everyone is going to expect me to say because she never should've married Ron, but I can see her marrying him and subsequently divorcing him as being true to Character but I'd change the epilogue because I don't think Hermione would or should ever have settled for being a ministry worker, she deserved so much more. Do you have a favourite piece of fanon? I don't know if this counts but... Severus's Patronus changing after he survives the war. I see the doe as symbolic to the debt he felt he owed her, and I like the thought of the visual change of patronus, representing the emotional change he goes through in accepting the past and moving on now he feels that he's fulfilled his promises. Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet? Quiet! I love music, the heavier the better actually, but I have to be in the right frame of mind for it. Otherwise I can sometimes get sensory overload. I hate white noise and things like asmr, I often wear hats or headbands, or have my hood up to block out some noise. What are your favourite fanfictions of all time? How long have you got? Honestly that's not an easy question to answer, and it doesn't have one answer. But I could say that some of the stories I find myself reading over and over again are 'Sin & Vice' , 'Another Dream' and 'Lay me low'. There's no way I could write all my favourites down here, but they're the ones I re-read most often. My favourite WIP is probably ' Inkstains' Are you a plotter or a pantser? 90% Panster. I will literally have one small idea, it could  be one small interaction, one conversation or one event that pops into my head and I will end up writing a story around that one small thing. My story signs entirely stemmed from the one interaction of Severus handing Hermione the note. I knew I wanted that, and then it was by the pants from then on How does that affect your writing process? It means that I do update my stories in a regular order, so no one story is left too long without an update. I literally sit down, crack my knuckles and go 'right, I'm writing the next chapter of this story now. I write it and post it as soon as it's finished. I write from my phone too, so I apologise for any grammatical or spelling errors, auto-correct is the bane of my life at times What is your writing genre of choice? Have you read my fictions!? Interviewer: Well yeah, but I’m asking because you’ll be new to at least  some of the audience. (chuckles) Ha. Sorry. Angst, all the way. I write angst and hurt/comfort, very dark stories as I pull a lot of my ideas from the real life experiences of myself and friends I met in therapy. Writing about trauma is very cathartic for me and helps me process my own feelings about my own history. Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why? Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it? How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write? That's a tough one, as there are elements to all of them that are important to me. None of the stories I write quite unfold like I imagined they would, they just sort of take off and I'm along for the ride. I'd be remiss not to talk about Not the Same girl at this point, as that story has probably had the biggest impact for me, the responses it's had and the people reaching out to me, both positively and negatively. I've had some outright hate over that fic, and abusive messages to the point that I almost gave in altogether and I think because of that people will expect me to say Not the Same girl is the fiction I relate to most, and while I do draw a lot from personal experience it's actually Father Mine as that resonates with me on a more personal level, that and an as yet unpublished WIP I have in the works, I think the huge dichotomy of feedback I've had for stories like Not the Same girl though, have both given me a thicker skin to the hate and encouraged me through the sheer overwhelming amount of people who’ve reached out, that find the stories cathartic in dealing with their own trauma, which is gratifying as an author to do that for people, when I myself am looking for that same release in writing it. It's great to have this mutual satisfaction and it's really rewarding. What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing? I think probably going to refer back to Harper Lee and to kill a mockingbird. The whole premise of telling a story that no one wants to hear or acknowledge, the things that are widely known but rarely spoken about. In “To kill a mockingbird” it's sexism, racism and prejudice against others based on their mental health or intelligence but we still see this so much in daily life, about how much hate and horror and suffering is seen in day to day life, the trauma that so many people have suffered is widely known but swept under the rug because it's easier. No. Hell No. Fuck that. Hiding doesn't change any of it, it may be under the rug but it's still there. People rape other people, people hurt other people, people discriminate based on gender, sexual preferences, skin colour, occupation, people have suffered in life and are damaged by it. Acknowledge it. Don't  brush it under the rug, don't ignore it because it's more comfortable for most people, shine the light on it and say. "This is real. This happens. We need to acknowledge it and we need to do something about it"  And I think that's shown in my writing , I don't glorify  anything, I'm not writing snuff but I don't hide anything either. I make people see this is something that I won't gloss over. Does it make you uncomfortable? Good , it should. If people are uncomfortable , at least they are acknowledging the realness of that situation and not ignoring it. Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction? How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"? Nobody knows I write fanfiction,  I use a previous name and I very much write for my own cathartic relief. I chose not to share that I write fiction because I'm a carer for my partner, I don't know how they'd react, it could honestly go either way where they'd be absolutely fine or it would trigger them and I'd have to stop, that's the reason I keep it to myself, I'd hate to do something that would mean I'd have to stop writing, not when so many people are so emotionally invested in the stories that I write. How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media? Reviews man. Reviews are the nectar of life, I read every single one and though I don't have time  to reply to most, trust me when I say that I treasure each one and appreciate them immensely. I have my social media which I find the easiest way to speak to people , I have my own Page on Facebook and I'm on a number of SS/HG groups. It's hugely important to me to speak to my audience and I really encourage them to get in touch with me, I'm always happy to talk about my work and people have been in touch just to talk about their feelings or emotions that have been triggered by my work and I welcome it all.  I mean, I've got people translating my stories them into French, into Russian...it's crazy, I never expected it to be so popular and I am always happy to hear from people. Though I apologise if I don't respond straight away,  I have to write on the sly and sometimes real life takes over, so I can't log in for a week or more at a time.   What is the best advice you've received about writing? First and Foremost, write for yourself. The rest is just gravy. What do you do when you hit writer's block? I move on to another story. I always have more than one WIP at any one time, If I can't find inspiration for one, I'll update another, or start a jumble of notes for others. There's always something that needs to be written down, even if it wasn't what I had planned on. Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing? Very much so. Almost all the trauma and hurt and situations that appear in my stories are either translated from my own experiences or those of people I know. Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser? I had a number of stories in the works! When A Cure For Magic is completed, I will most likely post the next one up. I can't give too much away , but the next story is called "Catching Fire" and will be an incredibly dark story, with a lot of morally grey characters. Any words of encouragement to other writers? Just do it.  If you want to write it,. write it. First and foremost write for yourself. Don't listen to anyone who's negative ,or unsupportive. I get so many people message me saying things like 'I want to be a writer', but don't know where to start' and to which my answer is you already are a writer. Writing is 99% mental, you have the words, they're there in your head, you just haven't put them down yet. Thanks so much for giving us your time.   Any time , it's been great and I'm happy to answer questions any time , thank you for inviting me.

[queensofrap]

Cardi B in the March 2019 issue of Harper’s BAZAAR. QUEEN.

Cardi B Opens Up About Her "Rags to Riches" Cinderella Story

When Cardi B visits her favorite nail salon in the Bronx, she enters through a raggedy hallway covered with a rug emblazoned with the image of a $100 bill. The salon, which overlooks a bustling avenue of pizza shops, sports-gear superstores, and boutiques with weaves in 70 colors, is a temple to money, excess, and sexiness, symbolized in the application of nails that look like diamond-encrusted Buck knives. Portraits of two icons of pulchritude hang on the walls—namely, Marilyn Monroe and the very 2019 version of Marilyn: Cardi. 

With a posse that includes her dad, her half-sister, her half-brother, and two Drogosize bodyguards whose names I don’t catch but imagine to be Bulwark and Spear, Cardi, 26, heads toward a private side room. She surrenders her hands and feet to Jenny Bui, her sharp-tongued nail tech of more than half a decade, even back when she didn’t have the money to move out of this borough.

A tiny, makeup-less sprite in magenta leggings and a playful Moschino sweatshirt, Cardi talks about where she’s at today. On one hand, she says, “I feel like my life is a fairy tale and I’m a princess—rags to riches, people trying to sabotage,” she says. But she also complains fervently about being over the fairy-tale life and wanting peace and quiet. “Before, I cared about everything—relationship, gossip. Now I don’t feel like I have the time to please people,” she explains. “I don’t care about anything anymore—just my career and my kid.” What about money, the thing she raps about caring for quite a bit? “Well, I care about my career because of my money,” Cardi says, giving me a “c’mon, stupid” face.

“Before,” in this context, means before the tectonic shifts that have taken place in Cardi’s life in the past year: that she became a global superstar; relocated from New York to Atlanta to live with the charismatic rapper Offset, her new husband; gave birth to an unplanned but much loved daughter, Kulture Kiari, in July; then, five months later, after the drip-drip-drip of rumors about Offset’s infidelity, announced on Instagram that the marriage was over.

Today Cardi tells me that Offset has been to her apartment, but they haven’t seen each other and are “not really” talking, which is a bit hard to believe after she shows me videos of her gurgling baby on her iPhone and happens to scroll past a photo of Offset with a time stamp reading today. When I ask her if she’s getting back with Offset, I can almost hear her curious entourage, who have arranged themselves on sofas on the perimeter of the room, lean forward to catch the answer. For a moment, the only sound is Bui engaging in some hard-hat-level sanding and scraping of the star’s three-inch nails. Then Cardi says both, “I don’t think so,” and “Who knows? You never know, you can never tell,” neither of which is exactly a definitive answer.

I’ve interviewed dozens of pop stars, and Cardi, despite the massive entourage and the bear-claw-like nails, seems the most normal. She’s not the most down-to-earth or the most perfect, and she’s definitely not the least into social media, but she knows who she is and where she came from, and has somehow managed to keep expressing genuine emotions in the face of blockbuster success. And while her emotions can sometimes seem out of control, who hasn’t been there? We might not have screamed and thrown a shoe at Nicki Minaj at a Harper’s Bazaar event this past September (in retribution, Cardi has said, for various slights from Minaj, including liking a negative comment about her parenting skills), or allegedly ordered an attack on two female bartenders at a strip club visited by Offset (a judge issued orders of protection in December for the accusers), but we’ve all been mad as hell. And the unbearable cuteness and sexiness of Cardi, a raunchy L.O.L. doll, quickly erases those moments, drowning them in adorable high jinks.  

Leaving aside the fake nails and boob implants, with Cardi the artifice is in the artwork. In the space of less than a year, her music, videos, and fashion have made her a star of Lady Gaga proportions. She releases hit after hit; following last summer’s “I Like It,” the first Latin trap song to rise to number one on the Billboard Hot 100, with “Money,” a song, unsurprisingly, about money. In the video, she wears gorgeous clothes (she’s got “10 different looks and my looks all kill,” she raps), including outfits referencing Thierry Mugler, a gold bikini inspired by 1990s Lil’ Kim’s, and a custom Christian Cowan bodysuit fabricated from dozens of actual watches. She’s a post-Kardashian American superstar, a master of selfies, belfies, late-night Instagram videos, and all other manner of self-promotion— and also a creative genius. In 2019, no one needs to pick.  

Raised in the Bronx, Cardi was the naturally rebellious daughter of a Trinidadian-born cashier mother and a Dominican Republic–born cabdriver father. Her mother was strict. Nevertheless she joined the notorious Bloods gang, moved out of her mother’s home and in with a boyfriend and, finding herself broke, took a job as a cashier at a grocery store. To build a nest egg, she became a stripper. To build a bigger nest egg, she became a hot girl on social media. In 2015, she was cast as a lovable loudmouth on the VH1 reality show Love & Hip Hop: New York, then began releasing her own mixtapes. Her debut single, “Bodak Yellow,” went to the top of the charts, and it took her only one album to achieve escape velocity: Invasion of Privacy, arguably the best debut album from a female rapper since Lil’ Kim’s 1996 Hard Core. 

It’s an intense time for Cardi, now one of the biggest rappers—and one of the most famous women in the world—caring for an infant and dealing with a semi-estranged husband. Her answer is to be as real as she can. As much as she may imagine herself as a princess, she talks about admiring Meghan Markle for becoming a real one. “She must just be like, ‘Who am I?’” Cardi says, referring to Markle’s having to live by the royal family’s rules. Not being able to be herself would be the worst punishment for Cardi. 

Up and down, joy and pain, sunshine and rain—we’ve experienced all her days on her social media channels, where she posts close-up, emotional videos like an Instagram mime. She’s not your typical grasping celebrity, and doesn’t get off on endless adulation. “I work with somebody who gives me compliments all day, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, can you just stop?’” she says.   

Cardi’s fans have been so protective of her that when Offset broke in to her set at a concert, walking onstage with a $15,000 rolling floral display made of 2,000 roses that read TAKE ME BACK CARDI, they exploded on social media with anger over a man who refused to take a woman’s “no” at face value. (A backstage video showing one of Cardi’s reps escorting Offset to the stage did little to dim the outrage.)  

I ask if any family or friends influenced her decision to leave Offset. “No, I decided on my own,” she declares, looking me straight in the eye. “Nobody makes my decisions about my life but me.” Before they broke up, Offset begged Cardi to see a therapist. “I didn’t want to go to marriage counseling,” she says, in a firm tone of voice. “He suggested it, but it’s like, ‘I don’t want to go.’ There’s no counselor or nothing that could make me change my mind.”

Like many women who’ve experienced heartache and alleged infidelity, she seems caught between wanting to stay and leave. As Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in Eat Pray Love, Offset is “[her] lighthouse and [her] albatross in equal measure.” But Cardi also knows that dating new guys might be bizarre. “I have a kid, and I’m also famous,” she says quietly. “So I can’t just sleep with anybody. People talk. You know, if I date somebody in the industry, that’s another person in the industry. If I date somebody who is not in the industry, he might not understand my lifestyle.” Since the breakup, she’s been getting a ton of messages from guys but ignoring them. “It’s like, ‘Bro, why would you want to holler at me right away? You’re weird.’ If you think Imma automatically hop onto you after a marriage, that just means you think I’m a sleaze. And I’m not. I have a kid—I have to show an example.”

Bui, who has been listening intently to our interview while crafting Cardi’s nails, waves a hand and then interjects, “You’re so old-fashioned!”

“Jenny, just because I’m out there and very sexual doesn’t mean that I have to be whorish,” says Cardi. “I like to have sex. That doesn’t mean I have to have it with everybody.” She pauses, then adds, “Not that I judge women who want to have sex with the world.”

Done with her rant, Cardi turns her attention to her nails. “Damn, that’s sharp,” she says to Bui, whistling a little under her breath. “The polish will make them less sharp, right? Because we can’t forget about the baby.” Ignoring her, Bui says only, “Don’t move.”

Throughout our conversation, Cardi has been jiggling her leg up and down like a schoolkid. I ask her how long she’s had that habit. “Forever, and you know what? People always talk shit about it, but now it’s like, ‘Ha ha,’ because when I do it my daughter likes it,” she says.    

Despite the indelible image of Cardi breast-feeding in the “Money” video, wearing a black gown open at the bodice, she isn’t breast-feeding Kulture, whom she’s nicknamed KK. “It was too hard,” she explains. In fact, she spent most of the time after the baby was born in a haze of postpartum depression. “I thought I was going to avoid it,” Cardi says. “When I gave birth, the doctor told me about postpartum, and I was like, ‘Well, I’m doing good right now, I don’t think that’s going to happen.’ But out of nowhere, the world was heavy on my shoulders.”

Realizing that taking KK with her on the tour bus was unrealistic but unable to bear leaving her at home, Cardi dropped out of a lucrative tour with Bruno Mars. She started feeling better a couple of months after the baby was born, she says, and her mother has been helping out; Cardi hasn’t hired professional help because she isn’t sure she can trust anyone outside her family.

As a new mom, Cardi is still experiencing aches and pains. “For some reason, I still don’t feel like my body’s the same,” she says. “I feel like I don’t have my balance right yet. When it comes to heels, I’m not as good at walking anymore. I feel like I’m holding a weight on me. I don’t know why because I’m skinnier than I’ve ever been. But there’s an energy I haven’t gotten back yet that I had before I was pregnant. It’s just the weirdest thing.”

The baby is starting to help Cardi balance her emotions, though. “Sometimes I’ll see something online and it’ll piss me off, and then my baby will start crying or something, and it’s like, ‘You know what? I’ve got to deal with the milk. Forget this.’” She’s thinking about pulling back a little from social media. “I’ve noticed that every time you respond, you just make things worse, so I’m over it. I’m just over it. I really don’t need it, and sometimes it just brings chaos to my brain.” She adds, “I can stay off social media. I’ve been trying.” For months after KK was born, Cardi didn’t put pictures of her on social media, and certainly didn’t sell any to the tabloids. She says Offset wanted to put a picture up, but she was unsure.  

“As soon as she was born, one month in he was like, ‘She’s so beautiful. Watch how people gonna go crazy.’ ’Cause a lot of people were saying mean stuff, like that we don’t post her because she’s ugly. He was like, ‘I’m about to post my baby right now.’ But then we were very concerned because we were getting a lot of threats, so he said, ‘The world don’t even deserve to see her.’” Eventually Cardi wanted to put a photo up because “it’s really annoying and we don’t have a life. We have to hide her all the time. I can’t go to L.A. or Miami and walk down the beach with my baby. I want to go shopping with my baby. I want to take a stroll with my baby. Sometimes I feel bad for her because all she knows is the house.” But can’t you put on a baseball cap? I ask. Will people still recognize you? “Yeah,” she says. “It’s my nose.” 

Bui applies a final coat of purple paint on Cardi’s nails—a brief discussion ensues about whether the shade is the exact “baby purple” Cardi has requested—and then she talks about needing to get home to go to sleep. “I’ve got a big meeting in the morning in Boston,” Cardi says, nodding slowly. “Lots of money in Boston.” She begins horsing around with her six-year-old half-brother, ribbing him for being rebellious the way she used to be. “He’s a child of the corn!” she wails. “He’s just like me.” (Her half-sister adds, “Like you, sharp but sweet.”) Bui says she thought that when Cardi hit it big, she wouldn’t see her in the salon again. “I told her, ‘You’re going to forget about me,’ ” Bui says. “And she said, ‘Never.’”

[bigtittyhimmler-blog]

Who Goes Nazi? Brooklyn Edition

If you’re anything like me, a twenty-something Twitter leftist with an advanced degree in the humanities, you hate absolutely everyone around you and badly want to kill them. You live in a brownstone playground of Timorese food and adult coloring books, and you want to suicide bomb the L train but leave a note blaming it on manspreading or whatever, so people don’t think you’re one of “those” random mass murderers (the bad kind). You hate having to tell people at parties that you “work in content,” and you hate the fact that they all also work in content. You hate that they all make content for outlets that are slightly cooler and more prestigious than the outlets you make content for. You hate that none of them have even fucked you for like thirteen months. You hate that you can’t even hate them for the ways in which they’re different to you, because there aren’t any. But fear not! There’s one thing you’ve got that nobody else does: you know that you’re definitely, 100% Not A Nazi.

But what about them? Imagine if the Nazis took over America and it was suddenly cool and prestigious to be a Nazi, and there were trendy Nazis on the TV the whole time, and they once again sold soap with slogans like “Dove: The White Pride Soap for Hating QTBIPOC and Not Amplifying Their Voices.” But also don’t imagine, because that’s exactly what’s happening.

 This game was invented by Dorothy Thompson in her classic 1941 Harpers essay Who Goes Nazi?, in which she presciently pointed out that intellectuals are definitely more Nazi than aristocrats, but not nearly as Nazi as union leaders. But she set her essay at some dinner party in the Hamptons or wherever, and last time I went out there I went swimming in the sea and a wave hit me and I lost my bikini top and a bunch of bros in boat shoes started laughing and pointing at me in a way that despite my white privilege I still feel was somehow like imbued with racism, and then afterwards I just stayed inside for three weeks writing content and ordering groceries online, so the setting needs to be updated. Let’s look at your group DM. Which of these Twitter creatives who live in Brooklyn would go along with it and become a Nazi? (All of them.) And who never, ever would? (Me.)

 Mr A isn’t actually in your group DM, and you’ve never encountered anyone like him irl, but you literally can’t stop talking about him, so he gets included anyway. Mr A is a short ugly loser, and he’s already a Nazi. He doesn’t even live in Brooklyn, he lives in his mother’s basement, and eats chicken tenders, and he doesn’t get laid, but in a different way to the way you don’t get laid, which has to do with patriarchy. Mr A is a Pizzagate. Mr A is a Gamergate. Mr A is a segregationist. Mr A opposes the reforms of the Emperor Diocletian (284-305). Mr A won’t shut up about the superiority of a “free silver” bimetallic monetary system over gold specie, and keeps on talking about the “gold shills” in a way that doesn’t really make sense until you realize that your own name is Goldschmidt, and yeah, he doesn’t really care about expansionary monetary policy at all, he’s talking about the Jews, and specifically you. Mr A is basically a pathetic worm whose life sucks and nobody likes him, but also he represents the whole of the repressive forces of society and he’s at the top of the social hierarchy. Everyone you’ve ever met is actually Mr A, wearing various masks. He is the source of all your problems. He must be killed, and once we kill him, we need to find more people like him to be the source of any problems we have left over.

 Mr B is in your group DM, but you also have a separate group DM with everyone else except Mr B in it. He keeps trying so hard to be nice, and says stuff like “so how is everyone’s day today” with a smiley emoji, and when you’re talking to him you get this airless feeling like you’re about to suffocate in his treacly good-natured presence. Every time you see Mr B at a party you’re afraid that he’s going to blurt out that he loves you, but you can’t keep your distance too much because he’s so clearly autistic, and you don’t want to be ableist. Anyway once in the group DM he said that while he obviously thought divining for water with Y-shaped copper rods was good and important and valid, he didn’t understand what it had to do with socialism. That made everything better, because clearly he’s a Nazi. The whole group DM expended hours of emotional labor educating him about how dowsing is part of LGBTQ+ culture and how his dismissive bro-y attitude was reactionary and gross, and eventually he posted a video of himself crying and begging for forgiveness and promising to do better, because you guys were the only friends he had. This was classic white fragility, but in the end you let him stay. You just have the other DM now, where you make fun of him and it’s ok, because if the Nazis came and he had license to start being cruel and sadistic to other people, he’d definitely do it.

 Ms C is one of those women who doesn’t like other women, and you know this about her because you can’t fucking stand the bitch. Plus she says stuff that’s really not ok, even though it costs nothing to have empathy and be kind. You’ve personally heard her use the D-word, the H-slur, and the L-pejorative, all while laughing and holding a glass of white wine by the stem, like she doesn’t need to consider the harm this does to others, just because she’s “funny” and “an artist.” She’s the Cool Chick. She makes nude self-portraits (the bad, skinny kind), and she’d throw you under the bus in a second for male attention and approval. She’d definitely go Nazi. But the worst thing about her is that she has the impudence to be bisexual and Asian, which makes it really hard to call her out. But then you realized that all Asian people are collectively responsible for the long history of anti-Blackness and misogynoir in their communities, and you’re thinking of holding her collectively responsible for the Rape of Nanking too, once you’re certain she’s a sushi Asian and not the dim sum kind.

 Ms D’s boyfriend works in finance, or like accountancy or something, or I think I heard he was a musician? Maybe a drummer or possibly he used to bartend at a place where they had live music. Anyway they definitely have vanilla cishet sex in the missionary position and you can’t stop thinking about it, his body, her body, naked, moving, breathing, together, almost silent, tender, disgusting. She says she’s a socialist but doesn’t devote every minute of her waking life to getting mad about people online. This means she’s just vaguely following a trend, and if the trend were being a Nazi (which it is), she’d be a Nazi (which she therefore is). You can’t imagine yourself actually hitting her but it’d definitely be punching up to maybe poison her food?

 Mr E used to be a comrade, but then he did a tweet that got 38.6k RT’s and now he’s moved to Los Angeles to spend his whole time in writers’ rooms. Last you heard he was pitching an animated show for adults about a snail with borderline personality disorder. It hasn’t even been greenlit yet, but you’re already thinking about all the ways in which it will be a missed opportunity and do harm and perpetuate tropes. Mr E will definitely turn out to have been a Nazi, and then you can start an anonymous petition to get the show cancelled so he has to move back to New York. Once he’s back you can send him a long email about how much it sucks his career burned out and how (even though you won’t say it in public) sometimes people do actually take the social-justice thing too far. That way he’ll be a comrade again, which is good, because we believe in rehabilitating people who have a genuine change of heart.

 Mr F probably thinks he’s better than you. He’s a union organizer. So are you (you added “#Unionize” to your Twitter name), but his union stuff involves workers who aren’t in tech, content, or grad school, and he probably thinks that makes him more in touch with “the real workers,” who he probably thinks are just a bunch of cis white males in a factory, who are probably all racist and probably have thick, heavy dicks that intrude on your mind in a kinda #MeToo way a lot of the time. He talks about class, and you agree that class is important because you’re not a lib (you support Bernie, you just want him to Do Better). But from the way he says it you’re certain he doesn’t acknowledge all he/him lesbians as part of the working class. He’s trying to save a tiny sector of the workers from a necessary and important socio-economic shift that will impoverish them and make their lives worse, and that’s what being a Nazi is. This is why his union needs to stop dragging their heels, change all of their rules and priorities, and let you get him fired.

 Ms G (me) will never go Nazi, because she is beautiful and kind and pure, and has all the good opinions instead of the bad ones. Because of this she’s allowed to do things that other people can’t do. She can totally fail to understand what having an authoritarian personality actually means, and construct a version of the Who Goes Nazi? essay in which the people who go Nazi are just people who are already right wing, having confused politics with personality, probably because she herself has no personality other than her politics. She can minimize, ignore, or even encourage the infliction of actual suffering when it happens to the wrong kind of people. She can write that “nothing that terrible has really happened” since the publication of Mark Fisher’s Exiting the Vampire Castle, even though Mark Fisher himself is mysteriously not around to appreciate that fact. She can do some shit with threatening to leak an unedited draft that I don’t even want to go into. She knows that the Nazis don’t come promising hatred but promising to be your friend, but it’s ok because she doesn’t really have any friends, just mufos. She’s doing great. She’s building a better, kinder world. She will never, ever be the Nazis.

[ttwsponsorsweekly]

Thoughts on this years tributes?

Hello Hunger Babes!!! I am BACK from a MUCH needed long vacation with my darling Cookie and you KNOW I have all the deets about this year’s tributes. Let me tell you, nobody is ready for this year’s crop of tributes. 

Max Aroha is SUCH a sweetie, and I’m already shipping him with his district partner Briella. Maxella is endgame and I cannot WAIT to see these two Careers in action. The FIGHTS. The DRAMA. One of them dying for the other??? We can only IMAGINE!!!

Listen, y’all. Ripley Coda is a girl with an attitude and I am HERE for it. District Three has been REPRESENTING the last few years and I don’t think we’re about to be disappointed by this girl. Did I mention her sister was the girl that Demelza volunteered for last year??? AMAZING.

You guys all know I’m straight but listen. Delta Caliban could turn me. Tall, redheaded, basically a goddess. Why does District Four always have to provide us with the hottest tributes??? But hey, if she’s following the leads of fellow hotties Lincoln and Finnick, we might just have another victor on our hands!

I’ve been telling you guys this for AGES: District. Five. Is. Underrated. We have had some ICONS come through from the power district and you are all still not giving it the love it deserves!!! We better change that for Solar Arcane because he is just POISED to give us a great show this year.

It’s always the quiet ones, ya’ll, and I am ready to see what Ashten DeWitt has for all of us this year. You know who else was a quiet one? Her mentor Jules. You NEVER KNOW and I am placing so many bets on this girl!!!

Harper. Lennox. Listen. I hear this girl just couldn’t give a HOOT about appearances or anything and honestly??? Here for it. We’ve got a LIVE ONE here and she’s smart AND sassy!! And I’ve seen her hitting up all the Career girls?? Do we see an unexpected alliance member?? OR just a few little flirty glances????

Dead. I am DEAD. Primrose Everdeen??? Guys, I almost fainted and had to have Cookie revive me when I saw her volunteer. After Katniss’s ICONIC run in the arena I am DYING to get a glimpse at her little sister. Not to mention her cousin Rory Hawthorne??? (He IS her cousin right??? Because they told us Katniss and Gale were cousins???) This pair is going to KILL IT and honestly I wouldn’t be mad about a District Twelve win this year.

[crimethinc]

Take Your Pick: Law or Freedom–How “Nobody Is above the Law” Abets the Rise of Tyranny

We saw you last night among thousands of other anti-Trump demonstrators around the US. Their signs proclaimed, “No one is above the law.” You were the one with the sign reading “I love laws.” We need to talk.

Really, this is what gets you into the streets? Trump’s goons have been kidnapping your neighbors, preparing to block your access to abortion, openly promoting “nationalism,” calling the targets for lone wolf assassins who send mail bombs and shoot up synagogues—and your chief concern is whether what they’re doing is legal?

And if Trump and his cronies were to change the laws—what then?

If you’re trying to establish the foundation for a powerful social movement against Trump’s government, “no one is above the law” is a self-defeating narrative. What happens when a legislature chosen by gerrymander passes new laws? What happens when the courts stacked with the judges Trump appointed rule in his favor? What will you do when the FBI cracks down on protests?

If everything that put Trump in a position to implement his agenda were legal, would you be at peace with it, then? When some nice centrist politician takes office after him, but the police keep enforcing the policies he introduced and the judges he appointed keep judging, will you withdraw from the streets? Come to think of it, where were you under Obama when people were being imprisoned and deported by the million? Perhaps you have no problem with millions of people being imprisoned and deported as long as no one colludes with Russia or talks over a journalist?

We saw other protesters with signs entreating us to “Save Democracy.” Didn’t democracy inflict Trump on us in the first place? Isn’t it democracy that just brought Bolsonaro to power in Brazil—a racist, sexist, and homophobic advocate of the Brazilian military dictatorship and extrajudicial killings? If democracy enables outright fascists to legitimize their authority rather than having to seize power by force, what’s so great about it, exactly?

If “no one is above the law,” that means the law is above all of us. It means that the law—any law, whatever law happens to be on the books—is more valuable than our dearest desires, more righteous than our most honorable aspirations, more important than our most deep-seated sense of right and wrong. This way of thinking prizes group conformity over personal responsibility. It is the kiss of death for any movement that aims to bring about change.

Social change has always involved illegal activity—from the American Revolution to John Brown’s raid at Harper’s Ferry, from the sit-in movement to the uprising in Ferguson. If not for the courageous deeds of people who were willing to break the law, we’d still be living under the king of England. Many of us would still be enslaved.

That is what makes your cheerleading for the FBI so chilling. You’re familiar with COINTELPRO, presumably, and many of the other ways that the FBI has set out to crush movements for social change? Imagine that your best-case scenario plays out and the FBI helps to orchestrate Donald Trump’s removal from power. What do you think that the FBI would do with all the legitimacy that would give them in the eyes of liberals and centrists? It would have carte blanche to intensify its attacks on poor people, people of color, and protesters, destroying the next wave of social movements before they can get off the ground. Nothing could be more naïve than to imagine that the FBI will focus on policing the ruling class.

The greatest peril we face is that Trump’s government will be replaced by a centrist government that will continue most of the current administration’s policies without violating any rules or norms. The more Trump’s regime is described as exceptional, the easier it will be for the next administration to get away with the same activities. In the long run, the system is at its most dangerous when it does not outrage people.

Mobilizing to support an FBI Director in response to the firing of one of the most racist Attorney Generals in living memory—this is the same “lesser of two evils” argument some have made for voting taken to its logical extreme; this approach guarantees that we will be reduced to advocating for the second worst of all possible evils. Firing Jeff Sessions helps Trump evade Mueller’s investigation, yes, but let’s be clear—men like Sessions, Trump, and Mueller do the most harm in the course of carrying out their official duties in strict observation of the law.

What Gives the Law Legitimacy in the First Place?

In the feudal era, when kingly authority was thought to be bequeathed by God and laws were decreed by kings, it was at least internally consistent to hold that everyone had a sacred duty to obey them. Today, this assumption lingers as a sort of holdover—yet without any rational basis. Certainly, the law decrees that no one is above it, but that’s just circular reasoning. What obliges us to regard laws as more valid then our own personal ethics?

Partisans of democracy like to imagine that laws arise because of their general utility to the population as a whole. On the contrary, for most of the history of the state, laws were decreed by monarchs and dictatorships—and only existed on account of their utility to rulers. Sovereignty itself is a fundamentally monarchist metaphor. If we no longer believe in the divine right of kings, that undermines any inherent claim that laws could have on our obedience. Rather than blindly complying, we have a responsibility to decide for ourselves how we should act. To cite Hannah Arendt, “No one has the right to obey.”

The law masquerades as a sort of social contract existing for everyone’s benefit. But if it’s really in everyone’s best interest, why is it so hard to get people to abide by it? The truth is, neither the powerful nor the oppressed have ever had good cause to obey laws—the former because the same privileges that enable them to write the laws release them from the necessity of observing them, the latter because the laws were not established for their benefit in the first place. It shouldn’t be surprising that a billionaire like Trump does not obey the laws. What’s surprising is that you still think that the rest of us ought to.

What’s the difference between the illegal activity of a Donald Trump and the illegal activity of a person who engages in civil disobedience? If “no one is above the law,” then they’re both equally in the wrong. No, the real distinction between them is that one is acting for selfish gain while the other is attempting to create a more egalitarian society. This is the important question—whether our actions serve to reproduce hierarchies or undermine them. We should focus on this question, not on whether any given action is legal.

What we are seeing today is the fracturing of our society. The peace treaties that stabilized capitalism through the second half of the 20th century are collapsing, and members of the ruling class are adopting rival strategies to weather the crises ahead. On one side, nationalists like Trump are betting on chauvinism and brute force, preparing to make the best of it as society splinters into warring groups. On the other side, centrist technocrats want to present themselves as the only imaginable alternative, using the specter of Trump and his kind to justify their own quest for authority. When they get back into office, you can bet that they won’t turn down any additional power that Trump has vested in the state. Your advocacy for “the rule of law” is music to their ears. And, of course, whatever additional power and legitimacy they concentrate in the state will be passed on to the next Trump, the next Bolsonaro.

Each side aims to instrumentalize the discourse of law and order in order to outflank the other in the battle for power. This isn’t new; it’s as old as the state itself. Immediately after the confirmation of Kavanaugh, you’re a sucker to imagine that the law represents some sort of social consensus rather than the edicts of whoever happens to control the institutions. To fetishize obedience to the law is to accept that might makes right.

To march under the banner “no one is above the law” is to spit in the faces of all those for whom the daily functioning of the law is an experience of oppression and injustice. It is to reject solidarity with the sectors of society that could give a social movement against Trump leverage in the streets. It is to assert the political center as a discrete entity that holds itself apart—that views both Trump and the social movements that oppose him as rivals to its own power. Finally, it is to legitimize the very instrument of oppression—the law—that Trump will eventually use to suppress your movement. Remember “Lock her up”?

You have to ask yourself some important questions now. Do you love laws—or justice? Do you love rights—or freedom?

If it’s laws you believe in, you’re on the right track. Just don’t have any illusions about what it means to value the law above everything else. If it’s justice you want, on the other hand, you need to be prepared to break the law. In that case, you need a totally different narrative to explain what you’re doing.

If it’s rights you’re after, you’ll need a government to grant them, protect them, and—inevitably—take them away when it sees fit. Whenever you use the discourse of rights, you set the stage for this to occur. There are no rights without a sovereign to bestow them. On the other hand, if you love freedom, rather than vesting legitimacy in the government, you’d better make common cause with everyone else who has a stake in collectively defending themselves against invasive efforts to impose authority, whether from Trump or his Democratic rivals.

From the anarchist perspective, all of us are above the law. Our lives are more precious than any legal document, any court decision, any duty decreed by the state. No social contract drawn up in the halls of power could provide a basis for mutually fulfilling egalitarian relations; we can only establish those on our own terms, working together outside any framework of imposed responsibilities. The law is not our salvation; it is the first and greatest crime.

Further Reading

The Centrists

From Democracy to Freedom

Don’t celebrate the exception; abolish the rule.