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veridium · 5 years ago

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playing god

merry christmas and happy holidays to all! to celebrate, here’s a chapter of day & age! and in the spirit of the season, it’s (mostly) fluffy and sweet. you know I can never just deal out 100% sugar.

anyways, on with the show! CHAPTER 40 HOLY SHIT!

last chapter // masterpost

It’s cold.

It’s cold, and it’s 7pm on a Friday night, and...it’s cold. The bars downtown have yet to get lively. While Greek Row has been pumping music out since 4pm, they won’t get the cops called until much later. None of this matters currently; what does are two things: midterms, and finding out if Cassandra is still alive.

As the week progresses, Cass becomes harder to contact and even harder to see around. Olivia can understand the need to be reclusive -- she is, after all, Queen of her dorm cave when it comes to Finals. But as the weekend nears, Olivia goes through classes trying not to panic like a lovestruck guppy fish. It takes bumping into Ellinor, who helpfully tells her that the “final match” actually refers to the one they’re playing next week, and not some far-away and obscure phenomenon. Only then does it all make sense.

“You’re a dumbass,” Ellinor laughed when she realized Olivia had no clue.

“I am...oh God, I am,” she said through her hands.

But that was a hours ago. Now is now, and she’s walking with her bag and three layers of sweaters and a jacket down to the practice field. As she gets closer she glances at the parking lot on the other side to see the gleam a couple cars still parked. The lights are blaring over the green turf, and as she rounds the long aisle of bleachers, she sees one person is still using them.

On the far side, Cassandra, dressed in shorts and a long-sleeve under-armor shirt beneath a jersey tank, is pacing. Just ahead of her are three balls equally spaced apart, likely meant for the huge net thing. Goal? It was a goal. Damn, if midterms and upcoming finals weren’t swamping her brain, she would sit down and learn all this once and for all. Walking through the gate, she starts going through all the facts she does recall from all their conversations:

1). The net thing is a “goal.”

2). The ball really hurts when it hits you.

3). Cassandra looks really hot when she’s working out and I am too bisexual for public exposure.

Okay, the third fact was more of a habitual lapse in sense as Cassandra puts her hands to her hips and turns around. She locks eyes with her immediately, as if she has a sixth sense for intruders and this, this is her field. Her domain. Her plane of complete and utter control.

Olivia slows down and smiles, no matter the distance between them, she it travels. When Cassandra grins, her wish comes true.

“What on earth are you doing here?” Cassandra calls out.

Olivia quickens her pace, her backpack slipping down from her shoulder into her hand. When she huffs air out her mouth it turns into a huge plume of steam that cakes her face. Not until she’s about 3-4 yards away does she answer.

“I needed a new study space. The coffee shop was getting too crowded.”

Cassandra’s brow furrows with skepticism. Her breath steams the air, too, as she crosses a white chalk line in the grass. “Really?”

“Yeah. And the library, forget it,” she shakes her head. “Couldn’t find a spot unless it involves sitting on a guy named Ben.”

“No mere mortal named Ben deserves that honor.”

Butterflies, and Olivia looks away toward the balls and the net behind her. “I mean...yeah. Probably. But…”

“You know there’s no plug-ins here?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Cassandra starts slowly walking again, closer and closer. “And no baristas to give you an extra shot of espresso.”

“Didn’t think so.”

Closer, and closer still. “And the wifi has to be shit.”

“...Oh, fuck.” Her smile wanes. “That’s...that’s true...shit, I--”

The sound of Cassandra’s chuckle and the feel of her hands sliding around her sides sends whatever Olivia was going to say out into the void. She drops her bag, and without another teasing word, Cassandra kisses her. A kiss that warms better than any coffee of fire. The kind after too much time apart, no matter that it was only a day.

Olivia has slid onto her toes by the time she pulls away, biting her lip as now both their clouds of exhaled steam plume around them both.

“And here I thought you’d be too focused to give me the time of day,” she whispers, biting back a smile.

Cassandra smirks a bit tensely, and relaxes her hold. She’s still a bit sweaty, but in this weather, that rarely lasts. “Practice ended an hour ago. I’m just planning.”

It’s then Olivia notices the sack of equipment on the sideline to the far right of where they are standing. Cones, extra balls, all in some giant net that looks like you could catch fish with it.

“Oh. Uh, in that case, if I should go then--”

“No,” Cassandra lets go of her in order to take hold of her hand and hold it just as tight. “No, stay.”

Olivia’s brow lifts, and she’s begging her heart to stop beating so fast that it takes her breath -- what little she has that isn’t already stolen by the freezing temperature -- away every time.

“Sure,” she replies, and reaches down to pick up her bag. “I can just...go fix myself up on the bench over there.”

“Okay,” Cassandra says as she delays letting go of her until they are too far apart to maintain it. She is so sweet, so calm. Completely different from how Olivia imagined she would be; to be fair, the only other times she saw her in action were during the day and with the entire team. Her “Captain” persona was stern and constantly frowning at someone or something. She was good, and she acted like it. No excuses, no fluff. This was like an alternate reality.

Trying not to get lost in her thoughts, she sets her bag on the bench and sits on the ground, back against it. She then pulls out her macbook and set it on her straight legs, pulling it open while her eyes inevitably wandered to the woman still in the center of the lights. Cassandra had already returned to pacing, eyes toward the goal while she walked along the line. Not playing, not running, not a single act of actually playing. Just pacing, slow and pensive. What was there to mull over so critically?

Rather than ask, Olivia minds her own business. She has work to do, too, and she shouldn’t embarass herself by gawking. She pulls up her paper outlines and gets to work, even pulling out her headphones from her pocket. Unfortunately she doesn’t have the will to put them in, for the chance that maybe Cassandra will say something and God forbid she gets caught not willing to listen. Fuck, she’s got it good.

Time goes by, and it’s productive on either end: Olivia manages to do the impossible and get some work done, and Cassandra ends her deliberations and starts practicing with a ball, aiming and hitting them each into the goal one-by-one. Each time, she centers them in the same way, and backs away a few yards before charging at them. It all seems rather ritualistic. This goes on for another 10-15 minutes before Olivia notices from the top of her gaze that Cassandra has stopped, standing still and arms folded. She looks up and watches her for a moment as she’s regaining her breath. The way the lights show leave no piece of her in the dark, but somehow she’s still so elusive.

“You alright there, Captain?” Olivia yells, halting her typing.

Cassandra glances out of the corner of her eye and her lips move, but not loud enough. She turns around and walks toward her balls and starts picking them up, one and then another, and kicks the last one with her. Olivia frowns and sets her laptop aside, closing it before rising to her feet. Cassandra’s got her eyes to the ground again, staring daggers.

And of course because Olivia can never just let things be, she impulsively jogs over. She crouches and swipes the ball from the ground, bounding in a circle further out into the field. Cassandra finally snaps out of whatever trance she’s got herself in and turns to watch her, an alarmed sound catching in her throat.

“H-hey! Olivia!”

“This is how you play, right?” Olivia smiles fiendishly, holding the ball above her head like she’s about to chuck it. “You grab and run for it?”

“Ugh, no, you know it’s not,” Cassandra corrects her, still so serious.

Not sufficed, Olivia lowers the ball to rest against her stomach, and continues to play. “Hm. Silly me. I thought you took it and held it ransom until someone finally tackles you to the ground.”

“You’re thinking rugby, and no,” Cassandra shakes her head. “Come on, give it back.”

“Really? Then how am I gonna score a basket?”

“That is bask--Olivia! Come on, please.”

“Hm…” Olivia continues, and Cassandra finally sets the balls down by the bench and follows her, albeit at a far less energetic pace, out onto the field.

“The field closes soon,” she warns.

Olivia giggles a little, and holds the ball behind her back. “Then you better hurry!”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I’m not serious, I’m doing what you’re doing: I’m playing.”

They stare at each other as the impasse rises. With the sharpness of Cassandra’s frown, Olivia only smiles more, hoping to fight fire with fire -- just different kinds, is all.

“Come on, Captain, I thought nothing got past you.”

“...that’s it.”

Cassandra’s mouth twitches at the corners, and her eyes narrow with precision. She cuts into a sprint, so fast that Olivia shrieks in fear as she goes to escape. Maybe she should have thought this through before challenging a soccer player to run fast across a flat surface.

She makes it almost to the halfway point of the field before arms wrap around her from behind and pull her to a twirling stop. Cassandra’s strength pulls her off the ground again, and Olivia’s shrieking laughter only worsens when she’s captured. They spin once, and then twice, before Olivia chucks the ball aimlessly and gives up.

“I give up! I give--” she says through her gasping breaths.

Cassandra doesn’t say a word nor utters so much as a smirk as she breathes heavy at her back, mouth near her ear. It both excites her and sends a shiver down her spine, feeling her inch-for-inch and completely engulfed around her. When both the laughter and Olivia’s feet find the ground again, she finds Cassandra doesn’t release her this second time. No, instead, she holds on and makes it so Olivia has to spin around in her hold in order to face her captor. When she does, their faces are so close, heartbeats so rushed, it makes her forget the clever quip she had in store.

“I...I…”

Cassandra then grins, still catching her breath. A wave of relief comes with it.

“I just wanted…” Olivia tries again, arms resting on top of Cassandra’s, hands clasping around her shoulders. She would rather die than be free of them.

“You were just trying to help, I know,” Cassandra knowingly finishes for her. “Funny how your methods are always starting trouble first.”

Olivia giggles, hands sliding up to the sides of her neck. “I know...but I can’t help it.”

“I also know that.”

“Interesting. Do you also know what to do with that mouth of yours?”

Cassandra’s grin softens, and the pink tint in her cheeks intensifies. One could say it is just the strain of physical exertion, but, whatever. Olivia smiles to take the sting out of it.

“I meant kiss me,” she whispers the hint.

Cassandra lets out a relieved chuckle, and brings her in closer, as if it were possible. They both lean in for what is sure to be the perfect way to end a successful distraction, until it is one-upped by a voice calling from the far side of the field where Olivia entered from. Immediately, both stop and look. Maybe it’s one of the teammates having forgotten something, or some other jock out in the wild. But no, it’s someone dressed in normal clothes, with long black hair thick and wavy. They have a handbag hooked on their arm, and from the looks of their walk, are wearing quite the ambitious pair of stilettos.

“Shit,” Cassandra mutters, and pulls away. They go from being glued to each other, so polarized like magnet ends. Olivia tries not to feel tossed aside as she pulls down her sleeves and jacket hem, clearing her throat. Cassandra does the same.

“What are you doing here?!” Cassandra asks the person, annoyed. Nothing like she acted when it was Olivia showing up.

The figure stops and leans onto one hip, sighing with attitude. “Don’t do this, Cassandra. You knew I was stopping by!”

“Yes, you said 8:30, at my apartment.”

The woman then keep walking, furiously until she is close enough for them to become a triad of anxiety and confusion. She’s pretty, and looks kind of like Cassandra, if you were to close one eye, tilt your head, then take a shot of something so strong it could strip rust off a pipe. Hair that looks freshly balayaged, makeup impeccably done, not too much or too little. Older, but not quite so old for Olivia to wonder if it’s a parent or another one of her aunts and uncles.

“Yes, and it’s…” the woman checks her phone she slips out her bag. “Wow, look, 8:25. You’re lucky I know you well enough to check the nearest soccer field.”

Cassandra sighs loudly. “Fine. Do you have the keys?”

“Of course! But first, who is this?” the woman’s eyes land on Olivia, and instantly the field lights seem like glow-sticks in comparison. She can’t quite tell if she is the shiny new thing, or the interloper that needs to turn to ash. Their voices are so nice to listen to, what the fuck?

“I, uh, um...”

“This is Olivia. Olivia, this is my cousin, Antonia--”

“Antonia Pentaghast,” she smiles, and holds her hand out, freshly done acrylics and all. Damn, this woman is a masterpiece. “Nice to meet you, Olivia…?”

Olivia reaches and shakes her hand, strong and confident as she can, and blinks. Shit, she means last name. “Olivia Sinclair. Nice to meet you!”

“Sinclair…” she says with a little thrill as their hands fall. “You wouldn’t happen to be related to the lady on the City Council?”

Olivia and Cassandra exchange a look too quick for her to tell whether this is something she encourages. The very mention of her Mother fills her with as much anxiety as the Captain of the Titanic must have felt. “Um, actually, yes. She is my Mother.”

“Mother! What a small world! Your family has been patrons of our Church almost as long as we have! But I don’t think I’d have to tell you that, ahah.”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Olivia smiles politely, joining her hands together behind her. Yep, that is fact no. 1 in the Sinclair household. Right up there with the “Live, Laugh, Love” decals.

“How funny,” Antonia grins playfully, eyeing her less-than-enthused cousin who has become a pillar of seriousness all over again. So much for comedy being the most potent medicine.

“Antonia,” Cassandra interrupts sternly, “the keys?”

Antonia is about to say something more, but she stops herself and laughs. “My, my,” she says, sifting through her handbag. “You must forgive me, Olivia. Cassandra hardly ever mentions any friends. Other than that...that blonde one, she keeps bringing around but swears she is not dating.” The keys jingle in her hand as she hands them off to Cassandra, who wastes no time in snatching them up. “My husband and I are leaving for a few days to visit his family on the coast. I asked her to check up on our cats. Just dropping off the spare key!”

“Oh! That sounds like fun,” Olivia says, and then feels instantly self-conscious. But hey, it’s something.

“It will be!” Antonia grins. “Now, please tell me I will be seeing you at our family’s holiday gather--”

“Olivia will be spending the break with her own family, Antonia,” Cassandra intervenes, a bit coldly, even. The jolt in the otherwise congenial encounter makes any comfort vanish.

Antonia stops, mouth still agape, and brow lifted. Her eyes shift from her rude cousin to her.

“I…” Olivia looks at Cassandra, who in turn gives her a look of ‘please help,’ and has to choose loyalties. “I...she’s right. Thanksgiving is very important to my Mom.”

Antonia grins like she’s onto something, whether it be their true dynamic or nuclear launch codes. She hums and makes a “tsk, tsk” sound to finish. “How perfect that our gathering does not take place on the day of, then. But, details, details. I will leave you two alone. You seemed to be enjoying it...a lot.” She straightens up and runs a hand through her hair. Olivia keeps staring, even when she knows she shouldn’t. With a nod to the both of them, Antonia turns tail and struts off.

“Don’t forget Benny’s allergy meds, Cassandra!” she says, not bothering to look back.

“I won’t!” Cassandra confirms, resentfully scowling after her. It isn’t until Antonia’s figure is no longer in the field lights that she finally says anything more. “I’m sorry,” she apologizes, keys ringing in between her shaking fingers. “My family is insufferable.”

While she walks off, grabbing the ball Olivia abandoned. Olivia follows but at a hung-back pace. The whole thing doesn’t make sense. Insufferable? That was anything but. If she wants insufferable, she should walk into my family’s home.

“That was...that was fine, Cassandra,” she says, rubbing her palms. “She seems really nice!”

“Yeah, they all are,” she gripes as they make it back to the bench.

“Is that not...good?”

“The point is that--” she stops herself, freezing upright. Collecting her frustration that seems so easily provoked. Olivia watches, but it hurts a little to have Cassandra’s back to her.

“The point is there’s a lot more to it than niceness.”

“I figured.” Olivia comes around to stand beside her, watching as she packs up the net of equipment. There’s so many questions to ask, but all of them seem decidedly not welcome.

“Look, I hate to ask, but...are they not...okay...with you not being straight?”

Cassandra doesn’t miss a beat, pulling the net string tight and figuring a knot. “Most of them would be. I have a cousin who’s gay, him and his partner have been together for five years.”

Wait...what the fuck?

“But...but aren’t they religious and really conservative?”

She lets go of the bag and turns around, crossing her arms. “Yeah. The older members are still...well, narrow-minded. My family is just huge. It would be impossible to keep that going and one of us not turning out...well…”

“...Well?”

Cassandra frowns and shakes her head. “Different? Look, I’d rather not discuss it.”

“That’s fine. I’m just a little confused.”

“Confused about what?”

Olivia’s arms go out wide, and she gestures toward the part of the field they were just standing in. The part where everything was going perfect until the record-scratch of the century. “That? That back there? That whole, ‘nevermind I’m not touching the woman who’s tongue was about to be down my throat, hi, she’s just Olivia’! ‘The first rule about bi-club is you don’t talk about bi-club!’”

“Olivia, please,” Cassandra replies dismissively, eyes rolling again.

Olivia’s confusion is now tinted with anger. “So I don’t deserve an answer?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. It’s complicated.”

Here we go again. “I don’t know ‘complicated’?”

“You, agh...you haven’t introduced me to your family, either!”

Olivia’s eyes widen. “That is because the last time I brought a girl home my Mom bought us best friends Pandora charms for Christmas and then gave her a guest room with a Bible in the drawer like some Hotel!”

Cassandra scoffs dryly, her hands returning to her hips. “See? You get it--”

“I do not get it, Cass. I don’t.”

Her tone becomes angrier, to match Olivia’s ire. “My family is nice. They are nice, but they are also incredibly invasive, elitist, and fake. If they get one scrap of your personal stuff, you can kiss any privacy and autonomy goodbye. I have worked so hard to have any semblance of my own life separate from them. Forgive me if that’s so selfish.”

The air goes quiet as they both stare at each other. Olivia closes her mouth to retain the spiteful response that surely would arise if she kept going. It would be unfair. But did that make it fair what she did to her just then? Or was it not nearly as big of a deal as she’s making it out to be?

Fuck, Theia’s shit is getting into my head.

Looking off towards the goal, Olivia bounces on and off her toes nervously. She slips her hands in her front jacket pockets.

“Is that why you didn’t invite me for the holidays?” she asks, tone and expression as blank as she can muster.

A pause, and then Cassandra’s careful tone. “Maybe. I thought it wouldn’t matter. You said you spend the break at home.”

“I do. You’re...you’re right.”

“Neither of us invited each other.”

“...Yeah.”

“Liv.”

She sucks on her teeth and closes her eyes, taking one, desperate breath of patience. “What?”

“Look at me,” she asks in return, coming closer. Olivia fights the bitter urge to back away, and make it harder for her. But the closer she is, the more disarmed she feels, even with all her wrath. So, with nothing but one step in between them left, she honors the request and looks at her. All the pride has left Cassandra’s face, replaced by frustrated attentiveness.

This whole time I’ve been thinking she’d be cast out and placed under some exorcism for daring to be queer. Now, what?

“Liv, I’m not trying to hide you. I promise.”

“Then why--”

“You saw how she knew how to connect your name to your Mom in two seconds flat. They don’t just care to know names. Now, they don’t just know you’re name, they know your family, and any and all related gossip. That’s what they do: it’s either fame, gossip, or money. You have to trust me.”

Olivia looks at her, hands in her pockets balling into fists. So what is so bad about being snobby? If it was such a sin, half the town would be cast into hellfire. No use for their pretty churches then.

“Okay,” she concedes, albeit hesitantly. “Just...just remember what it’s like for me, okay? I hate to bring up the flyers, but…”

“Knowing and being known by my family won’t solve any of that,” she caveats, before daring to reach out for her hand. Olivia reaches and takes hold. “We deserve the time it takes to just be us and get to know each other.”

“I agree,” she sighs, and tries to shake loose of the duress. And how long is that going to take, when everything stays a mystery?

“Thank you,” Cassandra says sincerely, rubbing the back of her hand with a thumb. It’s soothing. So much so, Olivia resolves the remaining distance between them and brings herself into Cassandra’s chest. It’s her turn to wrap her arms around her and not want to let go.

She reciprocates, the side of her chin resting against Olivia’s head of hair. “Just let me get through the finals, and then I’ll have more time,” she swears with a renewed sweetness.

Olivia closes her eyes and hides her face in Cassandra’s chest, her voice muffled against her clothes. “When will my girlfriend return from the soccer war?”

Cassandra laughs a bit. “Tell you what, she’s on leave tonight, why don’t you come over and we can watch a movie. Your turn to pick.”

“For this...oh, you’re getting Kill Bill.”

“Volume one or two?”

“Both,” still muffled, but adamant. “How dare you suggest we only watch one?”

Cassandra smirks and rubs Olivia’s arms, generating more warmth for both of them. “How foolish of me. You have a deal.”

“I’m also ordering takeout. Ellinor told me all you do with Cullen lately is drink protein shakes and lie.”

“Um, I eat three square meals a day. It’s not my fault Cullen chases his shakes with toaster strudel.”

Olivia giggled again. Her face has become too warm to break from this pose. They’re going to freeze there forever, she decides. Forget the movie and takeout.

“Come on,” Cassandra pats her on the shoulders. “Let’s get this shit put away, and then you can read me the DoorDash menu on the way back.”

“Mm, keep talking dirty like that, the war can shove it.”

More laughter, and thank goodness for it.

#day & age #friendship fic #ellinor trevelyan #olivia sinclair #college au

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imagine-loki · 6 years ago

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I'm still breathing, Chapter 16

TITLE: I’m still breathing CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 16 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine a mutant has been living on the streets for years, until she is picked up by the Avengers. She’s taken to live with them so they can help her to discover what her powers are. Loki especially, takes an interest in her. The two become very fond of one another as they discover what her power is. RATING: M

Over the following week, Sophie continued to try and harness her powers. But it wasn’t going very well. It still happened randomly, the odd time she got stuck again so Loki had to aid her out. After having his fun first, of course. He wasn’t called the god of mischief for nothing.

The others had more pity for her when she got stuck. But luckily she was used to Loki’s teasing. She found it amusing, in a way. But she wouldn’t ever let him know that, obviously.

One time when she was stuck through a wall from her thighs upwards on her stomach, Loki just summoned a cup of tea to drink while he perched on her bum and teased her before eventually helping her out. If Sophie didn’t love the idiotic god so much she’s sure she would have stabbed him for that one.

Loki walked into Sophie’s room to find her trying to go through the door of her en-suite. He was just in time as she was taking a run for it. He rushed over in his lightening quick speed and grabbed her arm, stopping her from running head first into the door.

‘What are you doing?!’

‘I thought maybe speed had something to do with it.’ Sophie said, looking up at the god who was very concerned.

‘But did you think about if it didn’t work? You’d have seriously damaged yourself!’ He chastised.

Sophie paused and looked down, then back up at Loki. Looking very sheepish. ‘No… I didn’t.’

‘NEVER, try that again.’ He growled and cupped her face in his hands. ‘I don’t want to walk in to find you injured!’

‘Alright, Dad. I won’t try it again until I have my powers under control.’ Sophie said cheekily, giving him a little smirk.

Loki narrowed his eyes at her. ‘Watch it, girlie. If you class me as your Dad, then that means I can spank you as a punishment!’ Loki warned, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

‘Ooo, kinky.’ Sophie laughed.

‘Oh, love. You have no idea.’ Loki purred and leaned down to kiss her on the lips.

‘Ok, ok! This is getting weird. Let’s change the subject.’ She said when he pulled back slightly, still smirking.

‘You are the one who started it.’ Loki chuckled.

‘Let’s go train!’ She said and grabbed his hand to drag him outside.

Loki used his Seidr to have one of the training mats appear outside for them to use. He had two of his doubles hold it up so she could practice. But she was slightly distracted at having three Loki’s there, watching her intently.

‘You know, it’s kind of distracting having more than one of you here.’ Sophie laughed and looked to the real one who was by her side.

‘Well, I can see why it would be intimidating to have three gorgeous gods watching over you.’ Loki said cockily, raising his chin up.

Sophie rolled her eyes and tried to focus on the mat on front of her. She took a deep breath, tried to pull the so-called energy from deep within her, then she moved forwards and to her utter surprise she phased straight through it.

‘Holy shit! I did it!’ She said excitedly.

Loki rushed round and lifted her up to spin her around in circles, laughing happily with her. ‘I knew you could do it!’

After practising a bit longer, she managed to do it another two times out of ten. Which was a massive improvement to what she was able to do before. It was the first time she’d been able to actually do it when she wanted to instead of by accident.

When she and Loki told everyone else about her improvement, they all decided they should go out to celebrate.

‘Do you really think it’s a good idea that I go out in public?’

‘Come on, Loki! We went out on the date, it will be fun.’ Sophie took his hand in hers and gave him a squeeze.

‘It’s just bowling and some pizza. Come on, Loks. It won’t be the same without you.’ Natasha said, giving him a pat on the shoulder as she walked past him to go get changed.

Loki looked down at Sophie to find her giving him the big puppy eyes.

‘Alright.’ He sighed. ‘I’ll go. But I should warn you, I will win at this game you call bowling.’ He grinned.

Loki followed Sophie back to her room so she could change. When she came out of her bathroom she stopped and stared, Loki had put on some Midgardian clothing. He was wearing leather trousers, black boots, a dark green t-shirt and a leather jacket.

He smirked and waved his hand on front of her. ‘Earth to Sophie.’

‘Sorry… You look good in leather.’ She blurted out, cheeks turning slightly red.

‘Glad you approve.’ Loki chuckled.

Taking Sophie’s hand, Loki led her out to meet the others in the garage. There was two large cars waiting to take them out.

‘Have you ever been bowling?’ Peter asked Sophie as he sat opposite her and Loki.

‘Nope. It will be a first for me.’ Sophie said excitedly.

It was something she’d always wanted to try. Especially after how people in her class at school would always tell her that they were going bowling with their family. It made her sad that she’d never had that chance.

Tony leaned over towards them. ‘Thor and Loki haven’t either. So this could be interesting.’ He grinned, glancing at Loki who just raised an eyebrow at him.

When they arrived at the bowling alley, Loki was appalled to hear he was going to have to wear someone else’s shoes. He flat out refused, terrifying the poor guy behind the counter. Tony had to calm things down, then Loki just used an illusion so it looked like he was wearing a pair.

‘What exactly is the aim of this game?’ Loki asked as he picked up the heaviest bowling ball there was, like it was just a feather, making everyone aside from Thor look at him like he had two heads.

‘Yes, what do we do with these?’ Thor asked, picking one up as well.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘First, I don’t think it’s wise that you have the heaviest ball there is.’

‘Why not?’ Thor asked, throwing it up and catching it, making everyone’s eyes widen even more, worried in-case he dropped it.

‘Don’t do that! If you drop it, you’ll cause a big dent in the floor.’ Natasha hissed.

‘I won’t drop’ Thor stopped what he was saying as he had thrown it up again but this time he did indeed miss it. So the ball went hurtling towards the floor.

But Loki was quick and flicked his wrist, stopping the ball just an inch off the floor with his Seidr. Everyone let out a big sigh of relief as Loki raised it high enough for Thor to take hold of again.

Thor laughed nervously and looked at the group. ‘That’s why having a brother with tricks is handy.’ He grinned and looked at Loki, winking.

Loki just rolled his eyes at his oaf of a brother.

‘I’ll go first. Show you losers how it’s done.’ Pepper said, stepping in and picking up a bowling ball.

She went to their lane and waited for the guards to lift, then she aimed and threw the ball. It went rolling down and she got a good score.

‘Then she goes again. You get two shots each time. The more pins you knock over, the better.’ Peter explained to the Asgardians.

‘Easy.’ Loki smirked mischievously.

‘No tricks allowed, Loki!’ Wanda said firmly, pointing at him.

‘Aw, where’s the fun in that?’ Loki frowned.

‘None of us are allowed to use our powers. Especially since we are in public. We are already getting some looks of recognition.’ Bruce said, looking around just as a couple passed by, looking wide eyed at the superheroes playing bowling.

Loki grumbled under his breath.

‘Play nice, Loki.’ Sophie said quietly to him. He gave her a wink and went to the lane.

Even without cheating, Loki was great at bowling. He was accurate, fast and able to use the heavy balls to his advantage to get a strike almost every single time.

Thor had the power behind him that was for sure. But he didn’t have the same accuracy as Loki did. A few times the ball even went in the gutter, which Thor wasn’t overly pleased with.

The rest of the team were pretty good. Sophie took a few shots at first before she found her stride. Loki even went behind her and helped give her a few pointers, earning some teasing from the group. He just glared at them in response.

It was the last round for everyone. Loki was in the lead by quite a bit. Natasha wasn’t too far behind him. Sophie was last, but she was having fun so didn’t really give a damn. It was her last go and she rolled the ball. She was shocked when she actually got a decent score that put her just ahead of Thor, but it would depend on his last throw. When she went and sat back down next to Loki, he kissed her temple. ‘Watch this.’ He whispered.

Sophie raised an eyebrow up at her boyfriend and watched as Thor went to have his shot. The ball went flying down the lane from the force of his throw. Loki sneakily flicked his wrist and grinned as the ball diverted straight off into the gutter at the last second.

‘Damn the norns!’ Thor bellowed, head down as that meant he was last.

‘Loki. That was mean.’ Sophie whispered.

‘Nonsense. Just a bit of fun.’ Loki chuckled.

Sophie lay her head on Loki’s shoulder while the rest of the team had their last go. Peter was happy at coming third, mainly happy to beat Tony. Who ruffled his hair up as he congratulated him reluctantly. Considering he’d been saying the entire journey there how he was going to kick the kids ass at the game.

Tony and Clint then started arguing about where to go for food.

‘Pizza is what we agreed on!’ Tony said.

‘But hot dogs are best after a bowling game. Come on, Tony!’ Clint argued back.

‘No, pizza is what you’re supposed to have.’

‘We will catch you eejits later.’ Loki interrupted them as he slipped his arm over Sophie’s shoulder and started leading her away.

‘Wait. Where are you two going?’ Tony called after them, frowning.

Loki looked over his shoulder and smirked. ‘I’m taking Sophie out for dinner. A proper dinner.’

Sophie glanced over as well at them with a giddy look on her face and she gave them a wave goodbye.

There was a chorus of ooooh’s and aahhhh’s from the team, making Loki and Sophie laugh.

The couple held hands and made their way through the streets of the city. Loki seemed to know exactly where he was going, but he wouldn’t tell Sophie. Wanting it to be a surprise for her.

Even when they arrived, she was still in the dark. As the entrance led them downstairs and it was a dark, yet cosy club he had taken her to. There was music on and one side of the area had a dancefloor and DJ setup near the bar. The other half had candlelight tables.

‘What is this place?’ Sophie asked as they were shown to a table.

‘I found it not long before you first arrived. They do the best food and the music is pretty good too.’ Loki smiled, pulling the chair out for her after helping her out of her jacket.

‘It’s really nice. I wouldn’t have thought to come in here from the outside.’ She said honestly.

‘I know. Wait till you try the food. And they have the best wine too.’ Loki nodded at the waiter, who promptly came back with said wine.

‘Trying to get me drunk again, so I fall through even more walls.’ Sophie teased.

‘Of course. It’s fun to fall through walls.’ Loki said cheekily.

Sophie took a sip of the wine and her eyes widened. ‘Wow, that is really nice.’

‘You sound shocked.’

‘Well, you are the god of mischief and lies.’ Sophie grinned.

‘Touché.’

Loki hadn’t been lying about the food either. Sophie picked lasagne and it was the best she’d ever tasted.

‘Holy shit. Loki, why didn’t you take me here on our first date?’

‘Well, from the look of the place at first glance, it may have seemed a bit dodgy. I didn’t want to spook you before I even got you inside.’ He laughed.

‘Good point. It’s definitely not what it seems.’

The waiter came over to take the plates away and asked if they wanted desert.

‘The warm chocolate fudge cake with cream, please. Two spoons.’ Loki said.

‘Oooh, cake!’ Sophie said, eyes lighting up.

‘It’s to die for.’ Loki purred.

He slid his hand across the table and took hers, softly stroking her with his thumb.

‘I am really proud of you today, for starting to harness your power. It’s truly amazing, poppet.’ Loki smiled.

Sophie felt her heart melt. ‘Thank you. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without all your help. I can’t say I will miss getting stuck in walls or doors once I can control it properly.’

‘Aww, I will miss it. It’s such fun when you do get stuck.’ Loki said mischievously.

The waiter returned with their pudding. They both grabbed a spoon and started to tuck in to the delight. Sophie couldn’t believe how yummy it was.

‘You’ve been hiding this place as a secret for far too long, mischief!’ Sophie accused, pointing her spoon at him.

‘Oh I know. Don’t you dare tell the others, this is our special place.’ He winked at her, putting his spoon towards her with some cake on it.

Sophie felt her stomach twist as she leaned over and took it. ‘Mmmm. So good!’ She moaned.

They both spoon fed one another, giggling and talking at the same time. It felt like they were in their own little bubble in the corner. It wasn’t too busy either and everyone else was too occupied with their own partners or friends. It was nice to get some quiet time away from the others for a while.

‘You have a bit of chocolate on your face, love. Allow me.’ Loki smiled and leaned over to wipe his thumb across the side of her mouth, getting the chocolate.

Sophie wasn’t sure why, but she took his thumb between her lips and licked the chocolate off it. Purely because she didn’t want to waste any. Loki’s eyes darkened slightly at the action, feeling her lips around his thumb.

Sophie’s eyes widened and she pulled back suddenly. ‘Sorry.’ She said, blushing furiously.

‘Why are you apologising?’ Loki asked.

‘I… I don’t know. I don’t know why I did that.’ She looked down nervously.

Loki gripped her chin gently and titled her face upwards, smiling at her. ‘Because it was natural to you to do so… And a very alluring move, I must say.’ He growled lowly.

‘Really?’

‘Oh yes.’ Loki nodded. ‘Never apologise for doing what comes naturally to you.’ Loki stood up and put his hand out. ‘Come dance with me.’ He grinned.

‘Wh… What? Dance? Here? Now?’ She was like a deer caught in the headlights.

‘Come on.’ He chuckled and grabbed her hand, dragging her up to the dance floor.

‘I don’t think I’ve had enough wine for this yet.’ She mumbled.

Loki just laughed and pulled her body in close to his and started to move along the dancefloor to the music. A few other people were up dancing too, but as it was still early on in the evening it wasn’t quite as busy yet for being a club.

‘Just go with the flow, do what you feel is natural.’ He whispered, his breath hot against her ear causing her to tremble.

She leaned further in to Loki and wrapped her arms up around his neck. Though she had to go on her tiptoes to do so comfortably because he was so damn tall.

After a while, Sophie relaxed more into it. Loki spun her around and around, lifting her up and making her laugh. He showed her some moves and then when faster songs came on he turned her around and grinded against her from behind, making her laugh. After stopping for a break and downing more wine, she felt braver when they returned to the dance floor.

As they were dancing again, a song came on that both of them felt the lyrics hit them like a ton of bricks…

I love my life,

I am powerful,

I am beautiful,

I am free

Their dancing slowed and they moved in closer. Loki’s hands around her waist, her arms around his neck again.

I love my life,

I am wonderful,

I am magical,

I am me,

I love my life

Loki started to sing along to the song, just so she could hear. His mouth moved closer to her ear.

I started to question the angels,

And the answer they gave was you

Sophie felt her heart swelling and her eyes lit up. She looked up at Loki as they both paused, as if time itself had stopped and all that mattered in that moment was the two of them, gazing into one another’s eyes.

Sophie could feel Loki’s breath on her lips as he leaned down closer to her. Then he kissed her with such passion, tears fell from her eyes. Loki’s breathing was shaky, he wasn’t sure why. But it felt like the most intimate kiss they’d shared so far.

And finally,

I’m where I want to be

#Loki #God of Mischief #Submitted fic #submission #i'm still breathing #Chapter 16 #fanfichiddles

63 notes · View notes

yukheisrosie · 7 years ago

Text

.Pray. / Chanbaek Imagine!!

Genre : Angst

Pairing: Chanyeol x Baekhyun

Features : Got7, Bts, Amber from f(x), & A little Rose (no, not from bp) and Ksoo moment! :’)

Everyone has their own way of deciphering the lyrics to a specific song, and that’s what makes them so unique. I’m one of those people, and mine just so happens to be Chanbaek related.

(( pls enjoi.))

It was Baekhyun’s big wedding day, and the rest of the group members were beyond happy for him. Especially Chanyeol.

He just wishes it was him walking down that aisle.

“I’m young and I’m foolish, I’ve made bad decisions..”

- Based off of the song ‘Pray’ by Sam Smith

Chanyeol wasn’t the type to hide anything important to him. He was always the first one to rather flaunt out about what’s his. From his passions to his hobbies to his favorite movies, Chanyeol will share everything with literally everyone. He wasn’t scared at all. If it made him happy, he would make it obvious.

And that’s exactly what he did with Baekhyun.

I mean, of course before it was too late.

Chanyeol was always open to everyone. He didn’t have a specific type, or ideal person- If you had a cool, down to earth personality with the same music taste and ambitions as him- you were a ten on his list. He believes looks aren't everything, but if they did have naturally good looking physical features, he wouldn’t complain one bit.

He was also down to experience different things and test his abilities to the limits to really discover what he likes and doesn’t like. But because he was so out into the open, the things he wanted to experience didn’t always come with a happy outcome; he mostly got judged for his decisions, and considering the world he seemed to live in, where the ‘different’ ones are considered ‘out of the norm’- there were times where people had tried to tear him down.

But nevertheless; Chanyeol was his own person, and he wasn’t meant to live his only life to please other people. His own happiness mattered just as much as everyone else’s and he wasn’t gonna stop being him just because some people out there weren’t as acceptive.

He had met Baekhyun as a trainee and instantly felt a connection. So when he found out they were gonna spend every moment together living the dreams they signed up for- best believe Chanyeol was beyond happy.

He was always fond of and admired Baekhyun for just the beautiful human he is, and of course- he was not afraid to show it.

Behind closed doors at least.

Going back to the ‘world’ he seemed to live in, it seemed as if most of staff members and managers weren’t all for Chanyeol’s crush on Baek. Thinking it was just some useless phase (and having grown up in a strict family household beforehand), they decided it was best to have both of them far away from each other (without being obvious) as possible.

They thought that if they put the two in TV shows and song collabs with the opposite sex, it would hopefully work; but what they didn’t know is that the more they kept them apart, the more Chanyeol wanted to be with him.

It was clear to everyone that Chanyeol wasn’t the type to give up; and he definitely showed that during one of the boy’s private after parties.

It was after they had won their first Daesang Award. Suho took it in his best interest to invite the other close kpop idols they haven’t seen in a while to the group’s shared house for a private celebration. It was perfect night weather and most importantly, the night Chanyeol’s admiration turned into something deeper.

It was the ‘friendly’ game of spin the bottle that made Chanyeol realize-

He was in love with his best friend.

“Before things go way out of control-” Jackson raises his hand from his spot to cut everyone’s chatters off. “No one has a camera anywhere? Wouldn’t want any dating scandals loose, I worked hard to get to where I am.” He jokes, causing everybody to let out laughs.

Sehun just pushes his shoulder from next to him as Jackson stayed ‘Jackson’ and pretended to take his question seriously.

“Just spin the bottle, Wang.” Namjoon laughs from the other end, waving his half drunk beer bottle his way, and the boy just waves a pair of hands back in response before leaning over.

The group watch as the bottle spins fast in different directions before landing on Amber, who was sitting criss crossed next to Rose Alani. The close friends meet eyes with each other, immediately having Amber blush out of embarrassment when the rest of the circle cheered them on anxiously and excitingly.

Chanyeol couldn’t lie, his heart was beating fast- and not just cause the person who he had a crush on since the two met was sitting on the other side next to Rose; It was the fact that seeing Jackson and Amber actually kiss just made it more real. It was within that moment where there was no turning back now.

He stares at them; Kissing as if they had done it plenty times before, and when they pull away he notices Baekhyun smiling rather wide. He sends Chanyeol a wide eyed, happy expression before letting out a childish laugh, having butterflies land right in Chan’s stomach.

The two had talked before in the hall and both agreed it was best if they sat across each other so that they could see their reactions first, they just didn’t know it also meant there was a possibility in them turning out like Jackson and Amber.

After calming down from witnessing a shocking moment, Rose’s tiny body leans over to spin next, feeling anxious in where it was gonna land. And just as she wished, the bottle points right at Kyungsoo - the guy of her dreams. Now the story behind the two is saved for a different day, but let’s just say that after their heated long kiss, the feeling was mutual from both sides.

Chanyeol lets out a small breath, stealing glances at Baekhyun cheering on the boy. He takes a look around the small circle of friends, specifically towards the other members of his group to see their intake on Kyungsoo and Rose. To his surprise, they were all for it; None really having a disapproval look upon their face, and he didn’t know if it was just because they were all very tipsy or what- but it was enough for Chanyeol to compare what their reactions would be if his turn landed on Baekhyun.

He found himself then picturing what his lips would taste like. To be able to feel him, and touch him. It was always a thing Chanyeol would think of at the most randomest times, and not just kissing either, but he imagined what it would be like to show him just how much he loved him; by leaving little ‘I miss you’ notes for each other on their days apart, or just being able to actually hold his hand out in public and linking their fingers together without having everyone look at him like it was something wrong.

His admiration only grew stronger, and the day where he had the balls to confess all that would only happen in his dreams.

Or so he thought.

Chanyeol was so deep into his thoughts and scenarios, he didn’t even realize the tip of the bottle was facing him. He blinked a little, looking at everyone’s shocked reactions across their face. They were quiet, and to Chan, the silence only meant one thing.

He looked across his way at Baekhyun, who was in a bent over position like he had just spun. The two met eyes and Chanyeol let out a small gulp, feeling his heart fall to his stomach. Baekhyun laughs a little, looking at everyone frozen in their stances. It wasn’t until when Jackson came in again to make things even more intense.

“Well?” He tilts his head over at Chanyeol. “What are you waiting for?” He asks, smiling. “A spins a spin.”

Chanyeol looks at the boy in the eyes again, trying to calm his beating heart down. As the two continue to look at each other once more, Chanyeol tried his absolute hardest not to smile.

He was excited. Happy, even. All he’s been dreaming about for what felt like countless years, was finally about to happen, and he knew if he didn’t take the chance now, it may never come around again later on.

So he kissed him. And kept going.

As they both moved in sync, the mutters from everyone around them were tuned out, and all Chanyeol could think about was how good it felt to have his lips on his.

Kissing Baekhyun was everything Chanyeol imagined, it was almost impossible for him to stop; Placing a hand on his cheek, Chanyeol tried his very best to hold himself back from deepening the kiss, and Baekhyun did nothing but give his shirt a little tug, indicating they should stop.

Chanyeol pulls away, catching his breath whilst Baek tries to hide his true feelings by laughing it out and casually going back to his place, fixing his hair nervously. Chanyeol stays there for a bit, collecting his thoughts before getting pulled back by Lay.

“You good?” He questions, letting out a soft laugh and placing an arm around the tall guy. Chanyeol lets out a small breath, snapping himself back in the moment and nodding in response.

“Yeah.” He says, “Just- had a bit too much to drink.” Lay lets out another laugh as Sehun comes in from aside.

“You’re telling us” The maknae jokes, “If it weren’t for the time running up, I’m almost positive this would’ve turned into a porno.” He explains and Rose just rolls her eyes before turning back to Baekhyun, who was surprisingly, on the same page.

“Yah.” He says rather loudly, taking a chug out of his bottle. “Who knew hyung was actually a good kisser.” He teases and the two send each other a small smile and something in Chanyeol knew Baek felt the same way; he had to.

The rest of the game went by fast as all Chanyeol really did was replay the scene over and over again. For some reason, he felt amazing. Like he had just accomplished something so great and nothing could ever beat this moment; but from the somewhat weirded out looks from majority of the circle, another part of him wanted to hide and never show his face again.

He decided to talk about it with Baekhyun later. And ‘later’ as in a few days ‘later’ to where they’re both sober and functional enough to control their feelings. So with that being said, he found himself being the first one to stand up and disappear within the other half of the party that didn’t witness such a drunken gay moment.

Chanyeol let himself wonder throughout the halls of their house, specifically towards the only place where he could focus and figure things out in.

His studio.

Letting out a deep breath, he sits in front of his bright computer screen of a small beat he was currently in the process of making. He looks at the edits before him, clicking around and trying to clear his head. And it worked for while, that was until he was joined in by the one person he wanted to avoid.

“Thought you’d be in here.” Baekhyun’s soft voice comments and Chanyeol turns around from his chair to see him close the door.

“Park Chanyeol.” He mentions, smiling at the name. “The only person to work during a party.” He laughs, now walking up to take the empty chair next to him.

Chanyeol was out of words. Mostly because he was shocked at how chill Baekhyun was acting. It’s not everyday where he casually kisses his best friend in front of the rest of their shared friends; let alone colleagues who were under the same industry. He did what he could do in that moment and let out a small laugh in response.

The two sit there in silence as Chanyeol avoids eye contact once again by going back to his editing. It stayed that way too considering Baekhyun was too lost into admiring his awkward vibe. For a happy virus, he sure was the worst at hiding things.

“Hyung-” Baekhyun says gently, leaning closer to place a hand on his shoulder and Chanyeol had to bite back the urge to lose it right then and there.

“You don’t have to call me that.” Chanyeol responds in the nicest way possible, still ignoring eye contact. “We’ve been friends way too long for you to be respecting me in that way.”

It was quiet again as Baekhyun sits up straight again, taking his hand off and making Chanyeol lowkey sad at the loss of contact.

“Sorry.” He apologizes, continuing to look at Chanyeol’s side profiles. Chan just sighs, still trying to force himself to edit. The conversation then tapered off into another small silence as this time instead of talking, Baekhyun stood up, automatically catching Chanyeol’s attention.

“I’ll leave you be.” The boy smiles gently and reassuringly. “I mean, who knows? Maybe this will be another one of our big hits.” He pats his back a little, and instead of Chanyeol letting it be, he ended up turning around and pulling Baekhyun back down to sit next to him.

“I didn’t mean any of that.” Was the first thing he said to the boy. “Back there-” He points out. “About having a bit too much to drink.” Chanyeol tries to explain and Baekhyun just laughs, letting him choke on his words.

“It was just shocking.” Chanyeol nods “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time-” He then blurts out, catching the both of them by surprise. Baekhyun just raises his eyebrows a little, smiling to himself, causing Chanyeol to grow even more nervous.

“I-uh” He stutters, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He lets out a out a soft breath, now meeting eyes with the boy again. His heart began to beat fast again as he was trying to figure out the right words to say without coming off weird and straight forward.

Baekhyun seemed to notice his struggle and decided to help him out. He looks at Chanyeol in the eyes, keeping his warm smile up before admitting;

“I meant it.” He confesses and Chanyeol stays quiet, waiting for him to finish. The boy looks down shyly before looking at him again.

“You know, about how you’re actually a good kisser.” The two friends stay in the position for a bit before both letting out a small laugh. Chanyeol felt happy Baekhyun’s feelings were somewhat mutual- even though he wasn’t the best at explaining it.

“I feel like maybe you were the one who actually had a little too much to drink.” Chanyeol teases, pushing his shoulder a little and Baekhyun just smiles in return.

“Actually, I’m completely sober.” Baek replies lightly, catching Chanyeol off guard. “Me and Xiumin had a bet.” He shrugs. “Someone has to be the designated adult around here.”

Chanyeol’s eyes grew wide, now feeling his hands clam up. Usually he’d be happy, and relieved, but for some reason he felt that this moment wasn’t real, and that it was all a dream; or a prank, just to see how far the other guys could push him to his limits.

He was about to say something when Baek leans forward to pull him into another kiss. He didn’t hesitate to give in right away, and considering it was only the two of them, Chanyeol wasn’t afraid of showing his full affection.

He scoots his body closer, placing both hands on his cheeks, deepening the kiss as much as he could. Baekhyun does nothing but place his hands on top of Chans, enjoying his warm touch and after pulling away, the two rest their heads against each others. Baekhyun sending him one of his childish smiles, and Chanyeol laughing shyly.

The atmosphere around them was warm, and Chanyeol felt at ease in his embrace. For once in a long time- when he was with Baekhyun, he felt at home.

Ever since that night, the two have been inseparable. Chanyeol did everything he told himself he’d do if he actually scored Baekhyun. He would leave little notes on his bedroom desk whenever he’d have to leave earlier than the rest of the guys, and even visit Baekhyun on set during his music video collabs his solo career involved.

Chanyeol wasn’t only living the dream of being an idol, but he was living it with the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. To him, it was all a guy could ever ask for. His happiness has increased graciously and he had no one but Baekhyun to thank.

But with every happy moment, there’s always a hardship.

Now the boys of course had their fair share of small arguments, and every time Chanyeol told himself it wasn’t worth losing him. I mean, no relationship is going to be perfect. He would apologize first if he felt the need to, and Baekhyun would do the same just for the sake of their relationship. They overcame it most of the time, so when a slightly more serious argument came up, little did they know it would be the end of everything.

“It’s too risky.” Chanyeol explains, walking up close to him and Baekhyun just stands still, crossing his arms.

During one of Exos photo shoots, while it was Chanyeol’s turn- Baek snuck into the dressing room to check out twitter in the meantime; and to his surprise, him and Chanyeol were trending. He took it as an opportunity to finally come out, despite the hard barriers they would have to cross. Baekhyun just knew that as long as he had Chanyeol by his side, nothing could bring them down. But boy was Chanyeol’s response the opposite of what he expected to happen.

“Almost everyone already knows.” Baekhyun explains “What’s the rest of the world gonna do?” He smiles hopefully at his boyfriend. “We could finally be free.” He says, unfolding his arms at the quiet boy. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Of course, that’s what I wanted.” Chanyeol admits. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted since I first met you.” He looks over at him with a small sigh.

“Then why bother fighting against it?” He asks and Chanyeol leans over to rest his hands on the desk before him, taking a glimpse at his reflection before replying.

“Everyone’s going to talk about this for god knows how long, and there’s serious consequences not only we’ll be facing, but the rest of the group would too.” He responds. “We’ve been through too much for us to keep adding on top of our drama.”

“But we’ll be happy.” Baekhyun says softly and this time Chanyeol stands up completely to face him, their faces only inches apart.

“I am happy.” He reassures, looking down at him. “As long as I have you, I’ll always be happy.” He explains, nodding and Baekhyun sighs a little, looking up at him in the eyes. “Aren’t you?” Chanyeol then asks and Baek does nothing but nod.

“Of course.” He replies. “But I don’t think I could hide any longer.” He quietly confesses. “Our fans and the guys would support us no matter what, and whatever the case comes to be- we’ll fight against them together.”

Chanyeol sighs once more at his boyfriends stubbornness. He knew he should’ve apologized, but if he gave in that quickly, Baekhyun would take his word and tell everyone about their relationship, and with everything that Exo has been through, Chanyeol wasn’t down burden them with this one last thing.

“If Kyungsoo and Rose can’t interact without having dating rumors and scandals happening, what makes you think it would be different with us?” Chanyeol asks

“We’d be the first ones to show them that it’s okay.” Baekhyun responds. “You were never afraid to show off who or what makes you happy before, so what’s holding you back now?”

“Everything.” Chanyeol replies. “I’m not gonna put you or the other guys through that. People already look at us as a threat and I’m not gonna flaunt out my happy relationship just to have them tear us down even more.” He looks at his boyfriend once more in the eyes before apologizing softly. “I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun stays quiet, breaking the eye contact before nodding. He steps back a little when he notices Chanyeol offering a hand his way.

“Maybe we should take a break from all this.” He suggests. “I don’t want to be a burden and extra weight on your shoulders.” He says, and Chanyeol just shakes his head in disapproval, trying to stop him, but Baekhyun keeps his ground.

“I’m gonna go see what the other guys are doing.” He then says, backing away more but before he could leave fully, Chanyeol grabs him by the arm.

“Don’t do this.” He breaths. “We could work this out-” He tries to explain and Baek did nothing but pull away, fixing his shirt and hair.

“Don’t bother following.” He speaks, looking up and trying to ignore his hurt reaction. “We wouldn’t want to make a scene in front of everyone.” He says quietly before brushing past him and leaving completely.

Chanyeol stands there, feeling his heart shatter into a thousand pieces as he watches the love of his life disappear. He had no one to blame but himself. He loved Baekhyun so much and just wanted to protect him that he didn’t think the decisions he made would turn to this.

He tried fixing it and working it out not even a few minutes later, but when that didn’t turn out well- he waited.

He decided to pull Baekhyun aside for confirmation but it seemed as if Baekhyun’s cold shoulder only grew more. Every time Chanyeol tried to pull him aside, Baek would find any reason or excuse not to face him; and sometimes he would either use the other members to help him by making last minute plans with them.

Chanyeol slowly felt himself starting to give up. You’d think they’d be able to talk it out by now considering they live with each other, but as the days go by, the less the love seemed to be there and the more Chanyeol lost his chance. It even came to the point where Baekhyun would sneak out late at night and not come home til the day after and it drove Chanyeol absolutely crazy.

One day, Chanyeol thought it would be a good idea to wait for his arrival by waking up earlier than his usual morning time. He sat in the living room, waiting for what felt like forever, and once he felt himself falling asleep, the door had opened and in came Baekhyun.

Chanyeol quickly snapped out of it, waking up fully and standing up. The two look at each other and Chanyeol seemed to notice something unusual about him. His hair was a bit messy and he was “glowing.”

Baekhyun did nothing but ignore what Chanyeol was about to say and walk straight into his room, having the slam of the door be the only sound filling the quiet space.

Chanyeol looks down at the ground for a bit, running a hand through his hair out of frustration and punching the wall behind him, not caring if he were wake anyone up. He cursed lowly, resting his head against the wall and shutting his eyes, trying to ease the pain by filling his mind up with happy thoughts. He then found himself sobbing as the only ‘happy’ memories that he could think of all had Baekhyun in it.

Sooner or later, Chanyeol had to force himself to ‘forgive and forget’ no matter how hard it was for him. If Baekhyun could move on, he could too and he shouldn’t have this small thing weigh him down from doing his job outside his personal life.

So he forced a smile upon his face at every fan meeting, every concert, and even pulled up his fake happiness around the other boys. He wore a smile on his face everyday, only to mask his true sadness.

It was Baekhyun’s big wedding day and the rest of the group members were beyond happy for him. Especially Chanyeol.

He just wishes it was him walking down that aisle.

Chanyeol stands up from his seat along with the rest of the people who had shown up and watched as Baekhyun stares at his wife to be walking up to him.

Chanyeol felt his hands become cold and his heart breaking all over again, but of course he couldn’t show it, so as usual, he forced a smile upon his face and forced himself to clap and cheer with the rest after seeing them seal their marriage with a kiss.

The after party only made Chanyeol even more sad. He looks at the cake with the small husband and wife statue on top blankly, taking a glass of wine up to his mouth and shooting it down his throat numbly.

He loosens up his tie a bit, as the tall man went up to his assigned table to grab his coat, and exiting out of the venue.

“You leaving already?”

Chanyeol looks up to see Kyungsoo standing out in the waiting area. He just wraps his arms around his coat tighter before putting up a small smile.

“Uh, yeah-” He laughs. “I’m gonna head on home now.” He nods. “Just- been a busy few days.” He sends him one more smile and Kyungsoo already knew he was hiding something.

“You don’t have to act like you’re not okay.” Kyungsoo comments and Chanyeol just looks at him. Kyungsoo smiles, before walking up to him.

“It’s okay to be sad.” He mentions. “Just know you’ve done good.”

By then Chanyeol couldn’t help but feel tears fill up in his eyes. He nods down at his friend, sniffing a little and snapping himself out of the moment before things got out of hand.

“I’ll see you at the house.” He responds, changing the subject and letting out a deep breath. “Is it okay if Sehun rides with you? I don’t think he’d want to leave now-” He speaks and Kyungsoo does nothing but place a hand on his shoulder, shaking his figure lightly.

“Go and rest.” He smiles. “You’re fine, really.” Kyungsoo sends him one more reassuring look but before he could make it out the door, he was pulled back by the voice he could never get tired of.

“Chan, wait.”

Chanyeol turns around to see Baekhyun now at Kyungsoo’s side, in which he immediately left to join the party again to give them some time to talk. His tiny figure sends Chanyeol a thumbs up before disappearing within the music and lights.

It was silence between the two, and although the music and laughter of other people were blaring through the walls from behind, Chanyeol paid attention to no one but Baek. His eyes were gloomy, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but let out a sigh at his worn out state.

“You don’t have to leave so soon, you know.” He mentions, taking a step closer and surprisingly, Chanyeol didn’t move. He was too tired, too exhausted to even try.

It wasn’t that he was giving up, but it was the fact he knew he lost and there was no use in trying anymore.

“I’m just tired.” Chanyeol responds bluntly. “You should be back in there, having fun.” He head motions to the crowd behind him and Baekhyun just keeps his eyes on him.

“I didn’t want it to come to this.” Baek says in his soft tone that still sends butterflies to Chanyeol’s stomach. “You mean just as much to me, and I wanted to try to work things out, but we just weren’t on the right page.” He explains. “I was naive, and I shouldn’t have forced you to choose, you were just trying to protect me-”

“I know.” Chanyeol nods, interrupting him.

“That was the past.” He replies. “Nothing of that matters anymore, so please don’t get so worked up over this.” He tries to hide his sad underneath a smile.

Right now he felt even more selfish. He didn’t want Baekhyun thinking he made the wrong decision. If he was happy, then Chanyeol was happy, and that’s all that matters.

“I know you’re hurting.” Baekhyun speaks. “And I can’t help but think most of it is because of me. I want you to know it wasn’t my intention to do any of that, and I’m sorry if I’m the reason behind your heartache.” He looks at Chanyeol right in the eyes for the first time in a long time.

“You’re apologizing to me on your wedding day.” Chanyeol laughs a little, but it was still obvious he was hurt.

“People take more time than others to move on.” He explains “My time will come, so please-” He places a hand on his shoulder, having Baekhyun automatically pull him into a tight hug, in which Chanyeol had no problem in returning.

“I’ll always love you.” Baekhyun admits as Chanyeol rests his head on his shoulder, hugging him tighter.

“I’ll always love you.” Chanyeol repeats, and the two stay in the same position embracing each others warmth for the last time.

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electronspeed · 7 years ago

Text

Working Paper... the Speed of Light

WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THE SPEED OF LIGHT? A THEORY BY TERRY DAVID (BUTCH) SILVERCLOUD Vancouver, B.C., Canada, I'm not online but check my mail regularly. 15 March, 2018 This paper will be widely distributed. If you have received a copy it is because I think you may have a decent grasp of the contents and it may be useful to your work. Please spread it around. The concept is extraordinarily simple... as Einstein expected. I have no idea what uses this knowledge will have. I hope it helps the humans for whom I hold little hope. I'm quite friendly, not shy at all, but quite reclusive. You must prove, to me, you are worthy of my time. I'm quite serious. I don't trust humans. Prove to me you aren't a walking talking animal or hubris filled hypocrite. You must earn my respect. I don't wait up. I'm online, from time to time, to check my mail. I don't text, ever. WHAT SETS THE SPEED OF LIGHT? WHAT IS THE CAUSE OF THE SPEED OF LIGHT? WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO EXCEED LIGHT SPEED? The recognized Speed of Light in space is: 299,792,485Km/s 299,792,485,000 meters per second (103) 299,792,485,000,000 milli-meters per second (106) 299.792,485 mm/s 299,792,485 Nano-Meters per Nano Second (10-9) 299,792,485 Pico-Meters per Pico Second (10-12) 299,792, 485 Femto-Meters per Femto Second (10-15) 299,792,485,000 Atto-Meters per Atto-Second (10-18)

SIZE MATTERS

Foreword

I will use the American spelling of the word 'meter'. All other spelling is Canadian English. I'm not noted for my good spelling but I gave it my best shot. Even if I made an error in spelling or got a number wrong, here or there, made a typo, or whatever... I'm more than certain the theory is so very sound and logical you will come to see how correct it is.

Have you ever noticed that, when you are trying to find something... looking for something and can't seem to find it while, all along, it was right in front of you? You were too busy looking in the corners.

While the things, of which, I will talk about seem easy and clear to me, I know that it may be difficult for most. I have tried my very best to be simple, use simple language, and avoid math to explain what, once you see it, is an extremely simple concept. It's one of those "why didn't I think of that?" kind of things. I'm guessing none of us ever asked the right questions. It came to me as a complete, total, and unexpected accident. It wasn't even what I was looking for.

I have always had a knack for noticing things out of place or interesting. I seem to have a knack for spotting visual anomalies and am good at analyzing things... figuring out how they work by examination. When I was in Sonar School while serving in the Navy, an exam question asked for firing solutions to take upon a particular brand new class of nuclear submarine in England, the Dreadnought class of submarines, nuclear powered and all brand new (I was in England at Submarine Sonar School in Gosport, England, 1967, while serving with the First Submarine Squadron stationed there. I got to visit a James Bond kind of facility, lots of white labcoat types, in a secret location, with armed guards at the entrance, to see the Tigerfish torpedo development based around brand new sonar ideas in 1967).

I mention this to show you how I have a knack for thinking outside the box. Anyhow, I gave an answer for finding the angle on the bow of the submarine, a critical factor in determining a firing solution (how to blow it out of the water with a torpedo). When we got our results of the test back, the instructor read out my answer. He told me I was correct and the answer was now classified as secret. I can't tell you more than that except the next generation of these new sonars made a quick correction to the issue to avoid the vulnerability posed by the problem I had pointed out.

I'm 73 as I write this. I left school, at age 18, 1963, and went directly to Naval Officer School. The Navy thought I was already smart and knowledgeable enough so they made me an Officer at age 19. I got to navigate HMCS Cape Scott for a year and took her on Great Circle Routes to Europe and South America. I had a pretty good grasp of Relative Motion when I was 22 (1966). I was a pretty good navigator (HMCS Cape Scott 1966-67). The thing is, my plans to become a physicist and work at Bell Labs to invent a flat screen TV screen never happened (1963). I had planned to go to University after my seven year stint. The Navy offered me a permanent commission several times but I turned them down. I wouldn't get back to physics until I went into semi retirement in 2002.

In 2002, I was thinking about how something could be HERE and THERE at the same time. I looked up Einstein... A difficult read because of the old school language, and I noticed he didn't notice a few things, but waves were all brand new at the time (1916).

I looked at the Quantum Mechanics view of reality but singularities exist only on a blackboard and can't have spin because they don't have occupancy of space and time... Hereness and Thereness in time... one can't pin down a singularity. It didn't help me with the HERE and THERE issue but there is a very simple solution... a singularity need only exceed the Speed of Light for any given time.... after all, time is relative. Time is related to SIZE and how big or small things are... such as yourself. You are a nice convenient kind of size... not too big, not too small. You can observe the micro and macro.

So... to be HERE and THERE, at the SAME time at rest, relatively, so to speak, one need only be a singularity moving at 4/3 (P c3) which is the formula for a sphere where the radius is the speed of light within a TIME FRAME appropriate for your size). My studies, accidentaly, led me to a theory about why solids are solids, gasses are gasses, liquids are liquids, why semi-solids are semi solids. I also learned that nothing can EVER travel in a true circle, in time, unless it can exceed the speed of light. Our Solar System moves in a kind of skinny sine wave 7 billion kilometers per yearly cycle through space (See Appendix 1). Nothing moves in a circle except as a relative illusion of the observer. But, I digress.

I got back into physics about 2002 and I learned there is a lot of bad and false information out there and a lot of the people who think they know what they know, don't know what they know, or don't know much at all. I'm pretty reclusive these days, so much so that I no longer maintain an internet connection, don't give out my phone number and,mostly, avoid the humans. I see the human race heading for a horrific future and you won't want to be here. Seriously, I mean it... no hope for the bulk of the human race. I fully expect a mass die off in the coming century of BILLIONS of people from starvation.

The world of physics is overflowing with false equivalencies and fallacies of ambiguity. Not everyone who is supposed to have a clue, actually does. There are many misinformed pundits, out there, most of them in popular media. One can't much believe anything one hears in media, and what is in print may not be correct, either. One has to know one's stuff and you don't know what you don't know. I have a rather unusual advantage in that I'm well informed, love electronics, have been familiar with Electrical Laws since I was 14 years old, have a pretty good science education with physics, and have done a huge variety of things in my life... I don't look at things as most would. In my old age I'm a painter and I was a very high end film photographer. I visualize things in my mind.

My work in the study of matter and motion led me to write a semi-fiction book, "The Shape of God" (http://The-Shape-of-God.Tumblr.com) in which I attempted to include all the ideas I had at the time. A lot of time passed after I wrote the manuscript for my book which included my theory about the nature of Solids, Liquids, and Gasses. Then, around 2015, I began to wonder about Electrons because they simply didn't fit well in my general theory... they fit, but terribly the way I imagined they might. They really needed to have shape... no round edges allowed.

I had taught myself how TV, Radar and radio worked when I was 14, so Electrons were my old friends. Nobody pays them much attention, even though they are the most abundent Fermions/Leptons in the Universe. In my theory about solids, liquids and gasses they didn't much matter because I was focused on motion... but they didn't fit in well with my theory about how matter forms, in the first place. I needed much, much, much smaller parts and, according to my theory about shapes, they needed vertices, edges and faces... lots of faces would be good. Multiple possible poles would be even better... so it wasn't stuck with just two directions of spin... how about 10 or 20 possible poles and, therefore, multiple spin possibilities? Wobble would be a piece of cake with multiple poles one could change at random. For instance, the most highly manoeuverable aircraft is also the most unstable. A fighter like the F-22 can not be flown without computer assisted controls because a human couldn't possibly react fast enough. The Algorithms will smooth things out. Electrons have very little energy... one quantum. It's pretty easy to boss them around. Watch out when they show up in force.

The most stable shape with the least number of parts etc. is a Tetrahedron. It means having parts smaller that might NOT be Tetrahedrons but I had a work around for that... reality has to be fractal and time is relative to how large you are... and we are moving very, very, very fast through space... at least 500kms. Tetrahedrons would provide resistance, in circuits. Tetrahedrons weren't good for building things... you can't tile the universe with Tetrahedrons. I needed a better shape and found the Icosahedron to fit the bill in every way. Extremely stable and, ta da, made of tetrahedrons, a tightly bound ball of tetrahedrons. Very nice.

Prof. J.W. Gregory was first to point out the Earth's affinity to a tetrahedron, whoe edges represented the main lines of mountain folding.

But, I wanted to speak of False Equivalencies and Fallacy of Ambiguity (look it up). I have HUGE issues with the term PHOTON. Photons are NOT light but everyone thinks they are. We need a new concept about that. I'll get into Photons, as well as my reason why the Electron sets the speed of light. Why the Electron is the clock of our reality which is all rather binary, at the elemental level and why Photons, while associated with light, are NOT light. One may fit a ton of Photons into the wavelength of a single red wave of 666 nanometers. That's a lot of Electrons and a truckload of photons. What's going on? Remember, there is no light out there, it's all in your head. You could just as well see by radio waves if you had the correct antennae and receiver. Light waves are a big deal to we mammals because of our physical size. If we were a virus we would be too small to know light even existed. We could not have antennae long enough to detect the frequencies of light, nor heat. We live in a vibrating universe where matter, the solid stuff, is in short supply. The universe is mostly invisible. The solid stuff has bouyancy and is trying to find rest in an ever moving ocean that is our infinite universe.

I would appreciate feedback, but I'm 73 and not well. I live in pain and have pain management not working as well as I would wish. I don't expect to live much longer and I want to get these ideas out there. I just wish to pass on what I think to others who will have some idea of what I'm speaking about. I don't meet people who have any grasp of what I'm talking about. If I repeat myself, my apologies in advance. I can be a bit ADHD and OCD.

This theory is being re-produced in several hundred copies... as I'm able to print and mail them. I live on a small pension and would be considered poor by anyone's standards... the artist's life. Feel free to reproduce this and spread it around. You will be doing me a favour and saving me money... a win-win for moi.

Things to think about. We don't know what we don't know. A blind man can not see.

WAVES Waves may be short or long... even Kilometers long and no two frequencies, nor different frequency wave-lengths may occur in the same time span. No two different frequency wave-lengths occupy the same time. Time is set by the smallest measuring unit... the Electron. Light Wave-Fronts move at 299.792,485 mm/nanosecond just less than one foot. Bring light down to size to think about it. In one billionth of a second, light moves only a bit less than ONE FOOT. Light Speed, at the atomic level has relativity issues we need to think about. Space has resistance to motion, whether physical motion of objects, or Electromagnetic Waves. Space has Quantum Units of Energy opposing all motion. A quantum of energy is directly related to the Electron. All our measurements seem to like the Electron as a base reference.

When Electrons move, they disturb reality around them... all reality including space. They leave a particular kind of trail behind them... they leave a wake, just like a ship in water, or an aircraft in air... contrails, shock waves both physical and electromagnetic. ONE IN/ONE OUT If an Electron sets the speed of light, it need only move its diameter to move at the speed of light... to move from HERE to THERE. It doesn't really matter how fast it does that... it will depend upon the wave energy being moved. It's one in, one out, no matter the length until equilibrium is achieved between the forces at either end. It matters not if it's push, or pull... they both work equally as well. What is going on is energy seeking rest and looking for somewhere to go. It can push as many electrons as the quantum per unit of time it holds or transmits.

Electromagnetic energies are transmited Electron to Electron. Nothing may get from here to there except with the help of Electrons.

The Electron is a particle. They are larger than whatever is 'in between" so, as a bouyant 'object' in the sea of space, it MUST displace its own volume... one in, one out. The Electron's size and characteristics set the Speed of Electromagnetic Waves. We can only detect those waves with Electrons. We are Electronic beings using Electronic nerve networks. Your brain works with Electrons. Are you getting the drift? How small is small is not important and doesn't matter when it comes to the Speed of Light. The messenger can move only as quickly as it may and it can't exceed its own energy. It may easily deflect it.

We must, first, recognize that when we speak of The Speed of Light we are discussing all Electromagnetic waves and the WAVE FRONT, not the wave, itself. The reason is that a wave can be picometers in wavelength, gigahertz in frequency or kilometers in wavelength if only a few cycles per second... they need different amounts of time in which to exist. Single wave to single wave, different waves need more time to even exist.

The Speed of Light is for the Electomagnetic WAVE FRONT, not how long it takes, in time, to detect an entie wave, end to end. And, remember, longest is strongest. Short or long waves need energy... it takes more energy to create a long wave than a short wave... think tsunami. A single Electron can not make a wave, except over time and distance... while it is on the move and, even then, it would be only a PART of the wave, not the actual wave. If it moves only the distance of its diameter, it is only half of a wave... waiting to be completed. A half spin will produce half a wave of a wave length equal to two times the diameter of the Electron. To be a single wave, an Electron need only rotate, completely, once. It is sort of between Here and There as its own diameter... it's only a half spin object, as it were. The energy can just roll off it's sleeves, so to speak. If it can't roll, it can be pushed... think DC current.

Whatever the physical shape of an Electron might be, it is best thought of as a sphere for motion purposes. I expect it has the shape of an Icosahedron which I will talk about.

The only wave that fits an Electron is one with a path twice the distance of the Electron's diameter, i.e, the length of the path will be the circumferance of the Electron. It is so small that that frequency will be in the Peta or Exa frequency range. There are a lot of Electrons in the path of one single RED WAVE of 666 nanometers. That's a lot of Electrons along that path, and Electrons, themselves, don't move that far very quickly. There are a lot of Electrons in one foot. If one Electron enters an electrical circuit, another "pops out" at the other end, at the speed of light. But... the original Electron is still at the back of the line moving forward.

Visible light has a very short bandwidth of less than one micron/1,000 Nanometers, among waves as short as Femtometers or Atometers (10-18), and longer than household Electrical Waves which are about 5,000 meters long. Different waves occupy more, or less, time than others, as individual waves. In order to stand still in a light speed universe, a singularity must move at 4/3 P c3 where the radius of influence is a given time... i.e. this is the formula for the volume of a sphere where the radius will be any given amount of time. At that velocity, a singularity will be everywhere, all at once, at the SAME time when viewed at the Speed of light... using data arriving at your brain at the speed of light (by way of the Electron as their is no other way).

I should mention, often, that I have my own views of the structure of the universe. Remember that theories are theories, not facts. I view Electrons as the ball bearings and micro motors which drive our reality... just so you know. I've been playing with Electons for more than 60 years and common household power is child's play, to me.

HELIUM 1. Stellated GyroBiFastigium, 2. Yin Yan, 3. Model of Helium as a gas at point of condensation. I veiw reality as structured, where shapes dictate state. Heat wave-lengths are destructive because they so, closely, match the size of the physical size of atoms and molecules... and resonate with them because of the Electrons in the atoms... which are magnets.

ICOSAHEDRON/THE SHAPE OF AN ELECTRON?

This is a theory about the cause of the Speed of Light. That cause is the physical size (diameter and circumference) and other characteristics of a sub-atomic particle (Fermion/Lepton) called the Electron. I believe the Electron to be, generally, indestructable and to always have the characteristics of a solid. In a different theory I propose that shape is what gives matter the distinction of presenting as a solid, liquid, gass, semi-solid or liquid, and plasma. That theory proposes that solids have electonic vertices, faces and edges while liquids are spheroids, gasses are torri, and flattened shapes are semi solids... such as a flattened spheroid being pancake shaped. So, while I consider an Electron to have the shape of an Icosahedron constructed of parts too small to detect with current technology, you may take the position that the Electron is a sphere, in the following theory. I will explain how it may seem be a wave, and how it partakes of electronic waves. THE QUESTIONS How big is big? How small is small? How fast is fast? How slow is slow? What is time? What is the relationship between size, velocity, and time? What is light? How is light related to size and time? What are the means, by which, we perceive reality? What has the Speed of Light to do with our reality? Why does some reality present as solid, while others present as gasses or liquids and other less understood forms of matter such as plasma? Is our physical size a serious consideration upon how we perceive reality?

WHAT CAUSES THE SPEED OF LIGHT? A Theory by Terry David Silvercloud. This work assumes that the reader will have some education and experience in the world of physics... at least a high school level understanding. The majority of physicists, on the planet, are doing applied physics. This work is theoretical... my point being most physicists are great with solving problems using existing formulae and knowledge but not always well suited to research or theory. There aren't a lot of jobs available in pure research, so the majority of physicists are busy making a living solving problems with existing knowledge. You will need to let go of any pre-held notions and let your imagination soar to delve into the black unknown of the unknown... is the cat dead or alive? Pure math and speculation is all very nice and Quantum Mechanics has revealed some wonderful things... but we still can't answer the really big questions.

I have some issues with OCD and ADHD so forgive me if I'm overly wordy and repetitive. I'm noted for being a motormouth and can go on and on like a dripping tap.

There must be some very simple kinds of answers to some very big questions. Good organization requires looking after the basics. Look after the little things and the big things tend to look after themselves. All great ideas come from the imagination... triggered by things heard and seen. I'm a photographer and painter in acrylics, oils and alkyds paints and well suited to using my imagination. I don't have to worry about losing tenure for being a bit radical. Physics, as Lee Smolin pointed out in "The Trouble with Physics" has a kind of hierarchy and it's not safe to rock the boat with ideas that rock the foundations of what we already think we know. You don't know what you don't know. Blind people don't know what they aren't seeing.

Theoretical Physics requires looking inside Shrodinger's box to see what happened to the cat. Someone had to do it... here we go. While there will be some rather large numbers involved, the math is basic and simple. I would like to remind the reader that Michael Faraday was a grade school educated young man who was working as a bookbinder before Sir Humphry Davy plucked him out of obscurity, noting that he was a very smart young man with a bent for scientific thinking, and set him to work on the new-fangled electricity problems... magnets and such. Faraday was a bookbinder, a bit of a loner, and a customer at the shop gave him a ticket to a lecture by Humphry Davy, the Queen's scientist.

That was a pretty big deal to Faraday who was not well off... bookbinding didn't pay all that well, and he was interested in science. He went to the lecture, took copious notes, then bound them in leather and sent them to Sir Humphry who was so impressed, he hired Michael Faraday to work for him. Sir Humph may have taken some of the credits for the discoveries, but we know it was Faraday who came up with our first modern ideas of Electrical and Magnetic Laws.

Sometimes a fertile imagination is more valuable than the learning of a million books. The books help, but the mind needs to go to the dark places without fear and predjudice or superstitions. No clue is too small to be overlooked.

I, like all physicists, have my own predjudices about what is what and who is right about what but, that said, I have no axes to grind with any theories and my ideas should fit in, nicely, with just about all with no serious issues. I should, however, mention that my feeling is that Gravity is nothing more than Fermions and all energies to come to rest... but they can't because they can't share the same space, at the same time... ye olde Pauli Principle. Gravity is push, not pull. It works out the same, more or less. I'm just warning you that I have a very solid theory about gravity and it is a repercussion of the battles between matter and non-structured matter all with inherent desire to come to rest but never can because a point source reality is not possible. Point sources exist only on a blackboard full of Calculus.

All things have spin and transmit spin because everything is connected to everything all at once all of the time forever. The byproducts of spin are poles... objects with opposite spin. It can't be helped and there will always be a 50-50 left right spin balance going on... trying to correct the balance between physical and Electromagnetic Forces.

Following the Law of Large Numbers, if we put a large enough number of spinning balls (Electrons) into Shroedinger's Box and that box is at the center of rest, relatively, at least, then all of the balls will want to be there, all at once, all of the time. They can't... an eternal fight ensues... there will always be Fermions and what has always existed can't be destroyed, no matter what form it takes. Matter and energy are part of the eternal duo of empty reality and something that fills it. Hard to make dough without getting lumps, isn't it?

If there were only TWO spinning balls put into the box, each would fight the other, to come to rest, at dead center. Nobody seems able to win, but they may have a convenient compromise to provide relative rest, to both.

Imagine you can see into the darkness of the void of Shrodinger's Box, looking for that cat... it's here somewhere... oh, right, we ditched the cat and now we have two balls, one right spinning, the other left spinning. Got that? We are looking for the two balls in the void. Let's illuminate them with Gamma Rays so we can see them... they are Electrons, after all, and LARGER than the WAVE LENGTH of the Gamma Rays which will give the Electrons some energy to get them dancing. No time for sleep, here. We can see in Gamma Ray and the Electrons are reflecting them so we may distinguish the two balls which will be working at aligning their spins so they may get cozy together.

I'm hoping you have the picture... TWO ELECTRONS, of opposite spin. Side by each you will visualize one turning to the left, on its feet, while the other is the exact opposite direction... to the right. Neither know up/down... they are side by each for a line up. Both want to be center stage but can't. They may share right/left legs side by each but, since there is no up, nor down anyway, why not stand feet to feet... align their spins so their feet, to each, are at rest while the bodies of both turn about their feet... at the center of rest. Very convenient. They seem to like it a lot. Just try to get them apart. Both may release maximum extra motion by being back to each, spins aligned together, and both have their feet at rest... exactly opposing the other's inertia.

They can only get closer by merging into one object. How about 20 objects of who cares what they are made of, but they have the shape of tetrahedrons. They are kissing cousins at war over a place of rest. 20 of them could become a very, very powerful object and do. We call it an Icosahedron. 20 openings gathering all forces of wavelengths shorter than themselves... making slaves of all lesser material and energy forms, capturing them to do their will... be their eternal power source. The tetrahedrons are powered by Dark Matter/Energy which is the 'stuff' in between the major Fermions in the universe. The Electrons are in charge of the universe. They outnumber all other Fermions, combined.

You need to know, whatever your teachings, I'm a big fan of Dark Matter and Energy being everywhere and we are using it every day of our lives. It's everywhere... it's only DARK because we don't have the antennae to see it all. Space Telescopes are now working ir Infra Red and Xray and some Gamma Ray frequencies so we are seeing farther into the DARK every day.

In space, everywhere, whatever you choose to believe in whatever theory you believe in, there is energy in space, everywhere, all at once, all of the time... radio waves, X-rays, Gamma Rays and such. If you choose to not care if it is matter, or energy when it seems like nothing, that can work, so long as one acknowledges that there is SOMETHING between the Electtrons which, as we know, may transmit Electromagnetic Waves of all frequencies... shortest, to longest.

Meanwhile, back in the box. Fermions are objects larger than whatever is in between them... they 'float' by their buoyancy, or 'fall/move' by their mass/energy. My point is they will be on the move, always but, if the Fermions are not destroyable (think Electrons), then eternity is infinite because, although they may not have always been... probably were, no two may break the Pauli Principle and the Universe will be powered from the Electrons on up. The energy source, for the entire universe, is widely distributed at the smallest level of material reality, to us, at the level of the Electron. They want to find rest but never will. They push their way around. Gravity is push, not pull and, like everything else, is powered at the smallest level of material reality, the Electron, one Electron at a time. There is no shortage of them... ZILLIONS of tiny, extremely stable, permanent magnets that seem not destructable. I like to assume they are made of Dark Matter which also generates Gamma Rays. We can generate Gamma Rays by hitting certain tough metals with high beam Electrons. So... where, exactly, are those Gamma Rays coming from, the metal, or the Electrons?

As for the stuff "in between", whatever it is you think it is, might is right. The Electrons are the bullies of the universe and will just push the little fellows out of the way, or dump their excess energy into them. Nothing is going anywhere unless an Electron says so.

Theoretical Physicists are the detectives of the physic's world... trying as best they can to solve the most unsolvable of problems. An open mind and good observations skills are essential.

I am 73 years old. I never got to practice physics. I went straight from high school into the Canadian Naval Officer School in Esquimalt, B.C, at the time and, at age 19 I was a Sub-Lieutenant in the navy. My naval experience was helpful when I finally got back to looking a physics around 2002.

In 1966 I was the Navigator of HMCS Cape Scott and got to take her to Europe and South America. Viewing the world from a moving platform in a moving ocean on a moving planet with moving stars was all rather normal for me. I was wondering how something could be HERE and THERE at the same time and realized the answer was, extraordinarily, simple. One only need exceed the speed of light. It didn't take much longer to realize that velocity was set by the formula for the volume of a sphere.

My study of relativity and motion made me realize that NOTHING ever goes in a true/absolute motion. All motion is wave motion... ALL MOTION. Nothing sits still. You are flying around the world and through space and about 500KMS, right now. Your body is trying to find rest but never will. It is trying to find rest at the center of the Earth and pushing you down to it. I believe Gravity is push,not pull... a result of objects trying to find rest in an ever moving universe. We fly through space, south pole forward, towards the center of our galaxy. I made a YouTube video about that which you may find here... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPjohZCMwmI or search YouTube for "David Silvercloud, Fixing Einstein".

In 2002 I went on to develop a good theory about why Solids are solids and why Liquids are liquid, and Gasses are gasses, etc. I had issues with the Electron but have had a good relationship with Electrons since I was about 14 when I taught myself how radio, TV, Radar and most electronic things worked. I'm good at mental visualization, not great at math. I have had a mental image of how Electrons work since I was 14 years old.

When I read Einstein's Relativity, I noticed he didn't look at waves, at all, in his mental pictures of the railway car and observers. But, waves were all brand new, at that time, and light was not well understood even in 1916. My gut feeling is that light isn't, exactly, what we think it is anyway and I have HUGE issues with the word 'Photon' because it is so misunderstood.

There have been many fantastic inventions and advances in applied physics over the past 75 years but no real breakthroughs in Theoretical Physics. Lots of theories going nowhere. Even Big Bang Theory is so shot full of holes that only the brain dead would believe it. Relativity, also, has serious, serious issues nobody likes to talk about. Face it, there is something wrong with General and Special Relativity but nobody has come up with a better idea. My concept thinks Big Bang is an idiot idea for Creationists, totally without a drop of any kind of logic, leaving more questions than answers. I'm pleased that my concept allow for a GUT theory. It enables all of reality, all at once, all of the time. The universe is an ocean of infinite shores and energy spread over an infinite space... but, the amount of energy is a constant as it is never created, nor destroyed. It only seeks rest which is impossible because of the duality of reality... space and stuff in it which eventuates two kinds of spin for any object occupying anything larger than a theoretical point source/ a singularity of no mass nor size, only co-ordinates in time. There is no center and nothing sits still. All quite mind numbing, isn't it?

Any sane person will come to recognize that eternity is all rather normal, and infinity is also. There is no edge to reality and can't be... there is no logic in that. Throw your superstions out the window and face reality. There are no gods and the universe has always existed and always will. The humans, I don't expect to be so fortunate and I have zero faith in the human race. I'll be dead soon enough and, if you don't pay me any attention, it matters not. I expect a horrific future for the human walking talking animals. I'll be out of here. I have no respect for humans any more... none. I care not a wit what you think of me and I keep to myself. I assume I'm constantly surrounded by idiots who are a danger to themselves and everyone around them.

About a year ago, I took a break from my painting... I'm tryng to be an artist in my old age, and began trying to figure out how Electrons fit into the solid, liquid and gass picture. I determined it had to be, like all particles, a shape but spheres were not allowed for mathematical reasons I'm certain you will understand... too many edges and surfaces etc.

At first, I determined that it must be a Tetrahedron, that being the most stable shape in the universe, but that seemed like a bad shape to move through metals... I needed something more spherical yet extremely stable... indestructable kind of shape. That shape is the Icosahedron. That leads to some idea what number and size the more elementary Dark Matter particles must take to build Electrons. I was not looking at the Speed of Light, at all. I was trying to determine the shape of the Electron and how it fit into my view of the Elements.

I look at Atoms as being highly similar to Hoberman Sphere's... jointed structures where Electrons are the ball bearings. That allows the element to change shape from solid, to liquid, to gass. My best guess is that the Elements, as solids, take the shapes of the Johnson Solids for the non radioactive elements... just my view. I don't like the concept of Photons and I don't like Big Bang Theory.... just throwing that in so you know where I'm coming from. Big Bang is so full of holes I can't believe any sane scientist would fall for it. It has, as Spock* would say, no logic at all... none.

I'm one of those people who is very reclusive. I've given up on the humans as hopeless and nobody ever has a clue about the things in which I take interest, nor do they seem to have any knowledge of much of anything at all. I'll be dead, soon enough, so this is my attempt to spread some of my ideas. I welcome feedback from those who might have a clue what I'm talking about.

I have enought self esteem to not give a crap what anyone thinks about me. Your opinion will only mean something to me if you gain my respect.

Well, let's jump into it. No hard math, just really logical theory. Keep Michael Farraday in mind while you read this. Thank you for your attention. Please spread the idea.

*Character in Star Trek

Hoberman Sphere In my view, of reality, atoms take on structure and follow the concepts seen in the Hoberman Sphere model, above... joints that allow the object to easily change size and shape. I assume those joints are Electrons. I view Electrons as ball-bearings and power sources... if they encounter any electromagnetic energy, they will move to compensate. If physically moved, they will seem to generate Electromagnetic Waves... and do. A universe without structure doesn't work well for a control freak, like myself. In a universe of infinite size contained objects of equal size and mass, they would sort themselves out in equal spaces and there wouldn't be a lot of fighting going on. If alliances are formed and groups get together, now we have a rumble and there will be winners and losers, controllers and the controlled. There will be groups that occupy less space but act like a larger object. An eternal struggle for balance must ensue between matter and non matter... the organized and the lesser organized. There are only so many shapes an object may take that are unique. We call them things like the Plantonic Solids and there is another extremely important group, the Johnson Solids. In my world, there is structure. Inside all cubes there exists a very interesting shape. It may be outlined by drawing an X o the six surfaces of the cube. Shape matters. Size matters.

Every Sphere and Every Cube contain this shape. (Historical note: The Kaba, in Mecca, and the First and Second Temples' Holy of Holies, of the Jews, were cubes, about 50 feet cubed. The Merkaba Star, above right, and the Seal of Solomon/Star of David have similar shape, above.)

OBSERVATIONS:

1:01 Electrons are magnets which are spinning gyroscopes. They are extremely small magnets that generate weak force when they topple or wobble. Gyroscopes may be topples and swayed by any force greater than their inertia/mass and, when done so by other Electrons, or any kind of physical force disturbing their inertia, will generate Electromagnetic Waves... they can generate/propogate energy. Electrons do spin and can be toppled. While they have very little energy, one at a time, they exist in numbers larger than the sum of all Protons and Neutrons... as Neutrons already contain, at least, one Electron and Protons are missing an Electron equivalent. Might is right, and force rules.

1:02 Electrons may exchange themselves between Elements and move through "conducting Elements"... often metals. They don't have to move to transmit energy. They may simple 'roll' out of the way and let the energy pass while, at the same time generating a wave at 90 degrees to the motion of the electrical force.... that would be the magnetism of the Dark Matter/Energy which is also magnetic, in nature.

1:03 Electrons are Leptons/Fermions which occupy space and have mass. They are "here and there" at the "same time". They fill three dimensional space with their presence. They have size. They are singularities moving at 4/3 P c3 for the time they take to be HERE and THERE (at the SAME RELATIVE TIME) when viewed with Light Speed information.

1:04 Electrons, as particles, may be accelerated to near Light Speed and, when travelling as objects at high velocities are called Beta Radiation.

1:05 Electrons are the most abundant Fermion/Leptons in the universe. They outnumber all other Leptons and Fermions. Neutrinos are not considered to be a stable particle in this observation. Might is right.

1:06 Electrons are the smallest Fermions/Leptons in the universe. They are so small that their relatives, the Proton and Neutron have nearly 2,000 times the mass.

1:07 Electrons seem to be indestructable yet they have shape/size. A sphere is illogical because that would require a mathematically infinite number of parts. My best guess is that the Electron is made of smaller parts and has the shape of an Icosahedron. That shape is extremely stable, nearly spherical, and offers many different spin poles. It would be prudent to assume the "smaller parts" are those of Dark Matter and held together by Dark Energy. It might be prudent to think of Gamma Rays as Dark Matter particles... I do.

1:08 All chemical and electronic action between Elements is directly dependent upon the exchange or sharing of Electrons.

1:09 No information, of any kind, may reach the human brain except by way of Electron Exchange. No matter how fast the information is generated, we may receive it at only one Electron at a time... i.e. it takes about one Nano Second/Foot for light speed information to travel from here to there. If you touch a hot stove and it is three feet from your finger to your brain, it will take 3 nano seconds for the inforation to reach your brain and another three nanoseconds for the information to get back to your hand to get your finger off the hot stove element.

1:10 You can't see anything unless an electrical signal is sent from your Eye Nerve to your brain. Your Eye Nerve is, conveniently, about one Micron in size... perfect for resonating with a one Micron Band Width of light. Your Nerve Cells are, also, at least one Micron in Diameter so they may receive the wave length of a heat wave... about 950 nano meters in length. Your brain gate must remain open long enough to receive that data... why you function at about 10 frames per second (why animation is always 12+ frames per second to avoid flicker).

1:11 You would not be aware of the ouchy ouch ouch of heat unless your nerve cells could detect heat with suitable antennae. Without those nerve cells you could be burned, alive, in complete comfort. Same thing with your eyes... the Rods and Cones are antennae tuned to the wave lengths of the light spectrum. There is no "light" out there... it's all in your brain. You could just as well function with sound waves or radio waves if you had suitable antennae.

1:12 The recognized Speed of Light in a vacuum is 299,792,485 nanometers per nanosecond, as is the velocity of all Electomagnetic Waves. Light is special to humans and to matter. Light is a repercussion of released, or reflected, Electromagnetic Energy inside a specific range of Wave Lengths... about 200-800 Nanometers. There is no "light" unless those specific wavelengths are detected by Human Eyes. Only Humans and Carbon Lifeforms seem to be dependent upon and recognize light waves. Granite, it would seem, couldn't care less and will reflect light waves of frequencies that resonate with Elements within the Granite.

1:13 It is important to realize that Light is a kind of illusion based upon our actual physical size. We have antennae in our eyes that can detect that particular frequency range of Electromagnetic waves. It's a product of our actual physical size. Size matters. Size if relative to perception and reaction.

1:14 Atoms seem able to absorb or reflect energies of particular Wave Lengths. They seem able to absorb wavelengths SHORTER than their physical size, and seem to reflect waves longer than their physical size. Something similar seems to happen with molecules and larger structured physical bodies. We respond to the longer wave lengths of motion we call gravity. Gravity is energy seeking rest and never can. Like dust bunnies in the corner, matter will collect in areas of least motion... preferably at the exact center of motion. Gravity is a result of motion... energy seeking rest that never can. No two Electrons may occupy the same place, at the same time (Pauli Principle). There will be an eternal fight between polarized objects to occupy the same space of rest. Gravity is not pull, it is push.

1:15 When push comes to shove, size matters. One does not see short people being bouncers at the bar. A fight between two equals can be interesting... the winner will, likely, be a matter of circumstance... shere luck. In the Law of Large Numbers, if enough fights, or enough contestants go at it, it will ALWAYS come out about 50-50 in wins and losses. Since Electrons come in both left and right spinning variety... they have no choice, then there will always be fights for rest and it will cause energy concentrations and depeletions over time and area. The universe can never end and has always existed... it, simply, has a lot of ways of presenting itself dependent upon the SIZE of the observer. Light does not exist to the beings who might live upon a Carbon Atom. A second is a very long time to a being living upon a Carbon Atom. The frequencies and Wave Lengths a being, living upon a Carbon Atom, might consider to be "light" would be in the Gamma Ray area. Light is an illusion of size and definition.

1:16 Atom smashers tell us there has to be energies released in the Light Wave Bandwidth... light occurs... but light is reflection/reaction/resonation. The air around us is full of thousands of wavelengths/frequencies of Electromagnetic radiation, most of it relatively harmless to us because of our physical size, not too big, not too small. Atom smashers consider the Alpha radiation to be a result of the collisions but don't consider it in the construction of the Protons. WHERE is the Alpha radiation coming from and why? Is it not possible it is being CREATED in the the atom smasher... protons becoming Helium? And what is the Beta count? Where are the Electrons coming from, in what quantity and why? I've not worked at an Atom Smasher so I wonder about how the total Alpha and Beta count is being made... they are Leptons escaping the scene of the collisions.

1:17 The virtual particle we call the Photon has no mass and too small to generate even a single light wave, by itself. A single RED WAVE will not fit into a single photon, inside an atom. A Hydrogen Atom will have a Proton and an Electron... the mass of a Neutron. There is an energy difference, however. The Electron is NOT at rest as much as the Proton is... at the center of the Atom. Rest occurs at the center of motion, relatively. But, by definition, the Proton contains Photons. The entire diameter of the Hydrogen Atom is but a few Picometers... far short of a single RED WAVE at about 666 Nanometers. Photons are energy and not light. That we use Photons to measure Light Energy is causing a lot of fallacy of ambiguity in the world. The word Photon is causing a lot of issues in the world of physics because of the way too many people think of it. If we are not looking, directly, at a light source such as the sun, then what we think is light is the reflected energies from the matter being struck by light wave energies... we are seeing the resonations of atoms in the material reflecting the energy, the Farraday Cages of the atoms are shaking. Light waves are too long to fit between the molecules and atoms.

1:18 Light is EVERYWHERE present. The proof of that is that one may place a light sensing device in open space, even in the shadow of a moon, and light waves will be detected... light energy frequencies, however low, will be detected in open space... at close to Absolute Zero. Even in, apparent, pitch darkness we can detect the very long waves of infra-red light waves and 'see in the dark'. Where there is energy, there will be light waves, however insignificant. If there can be light waves in the dark, it would be prudent to assume there is a vehicle which is resonating to transmit them. Electrons are not big enough but they can relay the information... i.e. it is not, physically, large enough to be a complete HEAT WAVE, but a stream of Electrons can become a HEAT WAVE. Similarly, there can be 'particles' smaller than the Electron that, while too small to BE LIGHT WAVES can transmit them. I would suggest that Gamma Rays are particles of Dark Matter, or its cousin. Gamma Rays are the border line frequency of Dark Energy/Matter and/or very closely related, in my mind.

1:19 Electromagnetic Waves ALWAYS bend towards the denser medium... they are seeking rest and must disolve into ever smaller waves to join a theoretical ZERO WAVE of no motion, at all... no energy. This conforms with the Laws of Thermodynamics.

1:20 Black Holes are NOT BLACK... they simply aren't radiating energy in the LIGHT WAVE spectrum. Light has no mass and CAN'T BE EFFECTED BY GRAVITY by definition but, as waves may bend towards the denser medium then trapped by it... its wavelength adjusted to the new reality... longer (hotter). Light may be emitted by a source in decay as energy, and reflected or absorbed dependent upon the physical size of things it stricks in its path. Black holes seem to be cold and not emitting heat... 950nm waves. If they are dense and large enough, the waves would be in the household Electrical wave length kind of waves. We would need antennae a few miles long to detect them electronically and "see" them as objects. We would have to see in wave lengths of 5-20,000 meters because the short wave lengths will be squeezed out at light speeds at the North Poles of the Black Holes. Well... that's the way I think, but I have a structured universe in my reality. Black Holes MUST grow and there MUST be a critical mass. We don't observe Black Holes blowing up... in fact, they are a theory not proven. There may be things that seem like Black Holes but, seriously, while an interesting idea, they aren't black and they do emit energy. Also, Black Holes would indicate that the universe would begin and end... something not observed... it didn't come from nowwhere, and the idea of an infinite universe coming to an end is not logical and just plain silly.

1:21 Light and energy waves bend towards stars because the space area around the stars is much more dense than farther away. Light bends towards the denser medium and will be ABSORBED AS ENERGY by things larger than itself that block the way. The wave will be converted into other wave lengths... the longer wave lengths of matter.

1:22 The Universe seems to be receeding from us/accelerating away from us because we are on a path towards the center of our Galaxy, the Milky Way. Wave Lengths associated with the Galaxy become ever shorter towards the center... i.e. our surrounding energy waves are becoming ever shorter and shorter.... waves that are many thousands of meters long or kilometers long. Remember that 60 cycle household energy has waves 5,000 meters long. The proof is that all energy seems to be receeding from us as we move towards the center of the Milky Way at about 500KMS. The entire planet should resonate itself to death when we reach wave lengths, in our galaxy, that are the diameter of our planet... a really big one that should cause the planet to explode.

1:23 The farther a light source is away from us, the longer the path it must take. The light waves will bend towards stars and galaxies, along its path to us. The more bends, the greater the distance the energy waves must travel, the more BLUE waves will be lost... ergo, things farther away will have greater RED SHIFT. It's all rather normal.

1:24 Black Holes are anything but black. They simply are too large to emit short wave lengths in the visible light spectrum. I expect they will contain large amounts of radioactive heavy materials radiating short range Alpha and Beta particles... remember, they are OBJECTS that can be HERE and THERE at the SAME time. Electrons and Helium... too small to emit visible light waves, and Uranium which emit no light waves at all.

1:25 All energy is trying to find rest. There MUST be a BLACK HOLE or relative point of rest at the center of all Galaxies.

1:26 Black Holes are radiating energy at their poles... they have no choice because they MUST spin and energy is at all wave lengths, not just the light spectrum. Black Holes are not black... they are glowing with short frequency energies.

1:27 The energy radiated from Black Holes must be of extremely short frequencies... crushed atoms and there is evidence to indicate that Black Holes do, indeed, emit energy from their poles. It is highly likely it is re-captured at the edges of the Galaxy, becomes Hydrogen, and star formation occurs at the edges of galaxies... as energy tries to find rest by falling into the Galaxy's motion (Gravity is motion trying to find rest... push not pull).

1:28 Einstein's Relativity (1916) is, clearly, from the illustrations based upon LINEAR/NEWTONIAN MOTION... VECTOR MOTION. No allowance was considered for waves coming or going at 90 degrees to the direction of motion, at all... or any other angle than straight ahead. That error will make Relativity non compatable with Quantum Mechanics forever. It's always problematic when point zero just won't stit still. By the time one has the answer, the planet has moved millions of miles farther on, in space. Relativity has issues I don't wish to get into. The only important thing to know about relativity is everything is relative in many ways... size, motion, etc.

1:28 Black Holes are not black. That was not a good idea. Light has no mass, the proof of which is stars radiating light. The laws of physics say energy can not be created, nor destroyed, so the universe must have always existed and gravity under present rules will mean all Black Holes will reach a critical mass and explode... or they could remain stable as the centers of large space cyclones we call galaxies. Big Bang is a ridiculous creationist idea with no logic of any kind. Better to assume space is infinite like a large sea with no boundaries. There will be denser areas and areas of greater motion, all fighting it out for rest they will never find, except temporarity at the center of a galaxy... and, even that, is relative. The Speed of Light is all rather normal at the Electronic level of reality. An Electron need only displace the one beside it to reach the Speed of Light. One for the other... at the speed of light. It's happening all around you all the time, all at once, forever.

The Speed of Light is relative to how large you are. Imagine you are one Attometer tall. You might have to run a bit to be at the speed of light. Imagine you are a Femtometer in size. At that huge size, you need only take a step, or two, sideways, to be traveling at the Speed of Light. You would think that was very fast but it would be almost no movemetn, at all, when viewed by a human. Anything that is an object is always trying to catch up to the Speed of Light and can't. It may only spin faster and faster and faster and stand on the spot... be a standing wave of light speed energies... matter. In theory, the faster you travel, the larger you are... you are HERE and THERE faster when viewed with LIGHT SPEED ENERGY. Got that?

You aren't really larger, but you occupy more space in less time than the observer is doing. It will sink in the more you think about it. Imagine living on the surface of a Carbon Atom and, once you adjust for your size and time, Earth reality will start to seem all rather different to you. The universe is a Light Speed universe... everything else is trying to catch up, all at once, all of the time. It can't... rest is possible only in relative ways... spinning on the spot, perhaps sharing the space with an equal of opposite spin to balance out the pressures of flying through space. Your body is trying to do that but the floor is in the way. Good thing, huh? Your feet are always pointing at the center of the Earth when you are standing still on the ground. That is our closest point of rest in space. If you are in orbit, you are moving very fast and will have to slow down to land or make a very big splat. If you were an ant, you might be able to float down if you had light weight oxygen gear and anti-radiation suit. I digress.

1:29 Shapes are important for a number of reasons. Firstly, there are mathematical limitation to certain shapes. Simple is good... basic things. For instance, the Gyrobifastigium is an extraordinarily interesting shape... a dual of a single shape, the second of which is at 90 degrees and 180 degrees to the first. Shapes like the Tetrahedron may be for obvious but it has a great cousin, the Octohedron. and both have duals which, like the Gyrobifastigium's square pup tents sharing a base, these are 'objects' which might easily share a point of rest, at their bases, where the only motion of consequence is spin, for each, while both have their feet planted at relative rest. An Atomic Clock at the center of Earth will provide our best calculation of the NOW on Earth. Clocks, at the poles, will have variances from those at the equator. Nothing sits still. Your feet are always pointed at the center of the Earth. Your 'rest' is all an illusion.

GyroBiFastigium (a Johnson Solid) The pointy thing on the upper right can just as well be placed at the far left upon the far left square. It would look like a neat rocket ship then.

1:30 The Icoshedron makes a most excellent antenna shape. The shape consists of 20 Tetrahedral cone-like shapes which may have specific lengths, very easy to tune to a particular frequency. An Icosahedron is like 20 Tetrahedrons sharing a common point of spin and rest all at once, all of the time, together. 20 shapes sharing a singularity, a kind of stealth vehicle. It is, also, a very buoyant shape, resistant to blows of any size. It can float or blow with the breeze and cares not. Icosahedrons take up time/space... just like Electrons do. Both are extremely, seemingly, indestructable.

1:31 Space is not empty and contains shapes of various kinds of different size objects that differ from the space in between them.

1:32 Space is infinite. A limited universe is illogical, requiring yet more explanations, and doesn't conform with what we observe. Big Bang predicted the universe would obey the Laws of Thermodynamics, slow down and dome to an end, yet the EVIDENCE indicated acceleration of expansion of what we detect is speeding up, not slowing down.

1:33 Our Galaxy is moving in space and we appear to be moving towares the center of the Milky Way. It is not unreasonable to assume that new stars are forming at the points of higest velocity... the edges of the Galaxy which are moving much, much, much, much faster than stars and planets closer to the center of our Galaxy. It is not unreasonable to assume all stars are crushed out of existence at the center of a galaxy where densities and energies are very high. A galaxy is a rather dense kind of nebula with spin. We fly through space with our South Pole forward. Planets, like Saturn do also, which explains the shock wave rings... the same thing you see when a jet fighter breaks the sound barrier. The rings are just particulate caught in equilibrium between the poles as Saturn flies through space, south pole forward.

F18 breaking the sound barrier, leaving a moving, standing, wave of sound behind.

1:33 Space is like an ocean with objects suspended in it. The objects tend to cluster, like dust bunnies in a corner, at the points of least disturbance, the points of maximum rest and least motion. All motion inside the bus of a galaxy has the inertia of the galaxy which is in motion. Like passengers on a plane or bus, the matter within the galaxy has the inertia of the vehicle containing them. Our gravity is dependent, not only upon the size of our planet/galaxy, but upon the density and motion of the planet. Gravity may vary wildly within different galaxies dependent upon their velocity of motion through space and the density of matter within the galaxy. Galaxies are nothing more than big spinning disks moving through space.

Gravity is motion... objects trying to find rest. No matter the size, density, or mass of anything, if one does not regard air resistance, all objects fall at the same rate... 32ft/sec/sec.

Size doesn't matter when it comes to falling. Both objects are subject to an identical force. Mass has nothing to do with it. Size has nothing to do with it. An elephant and a mouse will fall at the same rate. Gravity is push, not pull. Relative rest is the goal... less motion/more inertia.

1:34 The Pauli Principle is extremely important in explaining motion. No two objects may occupy the same place at the same time... no two objects may share rest except by acting TOGETHER to share rest... eg, a Hydrogen Molecule. A left and right spinning atoms rest back to each and share spin direction as a single unit. Their attachment is rather weak but it's like two Otters holding hands drifing down the stream, together.

1:35 While more dense bodies will have the ability to spin faster, gravity is motion and will be dependent upon the surface size of the gravitational object because the surface will move faster or at a similar velocity as would a smaller, more dense object. Gravity on a balloon is not great... gravity is push, not pull, the universe is pressing down on everything, all at once, all of the time. Space is not empty, never was and never will be. Space is infinite and not empty, anywhere.

1:36 If, by definition, we know the number of Electrons in a unit of energy, such as the Ampere/Coulomb, then we should be able to count the number of Electrons past the gate per second, or nano second. Time is arbitrary and we use seconds and relative to the observer. So, in a zero wave direct current line of Electrons we have a good idea how many Electrons there are and how many go past the gate versus time, then we can measure the diameter of those Electrons, both theoretically, and with good engineering, mechanically.

1:36:2 If the speed of light is set by the physical size of an Electron, then the distance versus the number of known Electrons will give us the size of the individual Electrons... i.e. One Ampere divided by the distance between two times. One may chose a second, or nano second, the answer will be the same as regards the size of the Electron if the diameter, or circumferance, of the Electron sets the Speed of Light.

Fractal Reality is the only reality that may tile infinite space, all at once, all of the time.

The frequency of Earth is one cycle per year. Video:: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPjohZCMwmI or search YouTube for: "David Silvercloud, Fixing Einstein" The Wave Length of Earth is about 7 billion Kilometers. We ride a Gravity Wave about 7 billion Kilometers long. The Wave Length of our Galaxy, the Milky Way, is its diameter. It rides a Gravity Wave that is light years long. There is no Zero Wave unless reality comes to a complete stop, everywhere, all at once, all of the time. What is time? Time is frequency awareness.

FALSE EQUIVALENCY AND FALLACY OF AMBIGUITY

The Problem with Photons This is where I attempt to explain my view and issues with word/term "Photon" and other issues.

2:01 The STANDARD MODEL ATOM is made from parts, one of which is a PHOTON. Here's the thing. The Photon is a VIRTUAL PARTICLE, not a physical one. A photon is a UNIT OF ENERGY, NOT A PHYSICAL OBJECT. A Photon is a Quantum of Energy with PARTICULAR FREQUENCY AND WAVE LENGTH CHARACTERISTICS associated with an Electron. If Photons and Gluons hold Quarks together, then it might be prudent to assume that it is Electrons holding the Quarks together. I assume Electrons have the shape of an Icosahedron which, in my view of reality, it a kind of ball bearing joint piece of all matter. Kind of a transverse all motion axle power distribution point in the drive system, as it were. Electrons, with so many pole choices, don't much care... they adapt at the Speed of Light... themselves. Electrons are and set the speed of light at the bottom end of the material world size scale. Size matters. Size is exponentially relative.

2:01:2 There is not a lot of difference between a Photon and a 60 cycle 110V electrical circuit except the vast difference of scale and that the PARTS of the Electrical WAVE are Electrons, while we don't know what the PARTS of the Photon are while still in the atom... I assume they are made of Dark Matter and Photons are DARK ENERGY being played out in the material realms. Dark Matter and Dark Energy are NOT dark... just of a size and frequency we can't see in our Electonic bodies. Dragon Flies see much differently than us, as do many insects and reptiles.

2:01:3 In my opinion, the word 'Photon' causes huge fallacy of ambiguity and false equivalency issues for many, many, many people and they have no idea, at all, they are the victim of too little information. I don't much like the term "photon" nor "gluon" its cousin in crime. It should, however, clue us in the the idea that quarks are held together with Electrons that give off a Photon/Quantum of Energy when kicked out of the comfort of rest in their particular Proton, or Neutron.

2:01:4 Interesting that photons are measured one for each with devices that count Electron output. One one Photon in, one Electron out... all the Electrons, in the Universe, lined up in a row and moving one Quantum's worth of distance, inversely squared from the relative source/time. Size is everything and it doesn't take much to move an Electron... one Quantum, one Photon, one Gluon... take your pick.

2:01:02 We assume too much about ourselves and make too many assumptions not based upon facts. We never see light, but we detect the resonations of matter vibrating with the energy striking it. Somehow, our brains interpret that as light/dark and colours. Metals are often silver or black because the light is sucked right in or the faces of the atoms reflect most light. You have to heat the metals to get them to resonate at Heat Wave wavelengths and frequencies... the one micron range. We could use radio frequencies, like light, to have voltaic cells but we just haven't found a mix of things to make that work and would likely be very inefficient as the shorter waves don't pack enough energy to make the effort worthwhile. Longest is strongest and the bandwidth of light is a very large energy vehicle. Heat, its country cousin, is even more powerful. The bandwidth of light is just about perfect to resonate most atoms and molecules. Get them shaking and they will emit/exchange the energy for light and heat.

2:02 A Photon is a unit of measurement... like an inch, or foot, or calorie, or BTU or pound or mile or Kilometer. It is a unit of measurement. There is no more idiotic nor silly idea than turning it into a particle, virtual or not. I really think the concept of a Photon as a particle causes a ton of confusion.

2:03 Here, have a cup full of Photons. Ad a quart of Photons to the pie mix. Get over it... Photons are a very, very, very bad idea if you don't recognize them as UNITS OF MEASUREMENT. A Photon is ONE QUANTUM of energy, and not just ANY energy but a very, very, very specific amount and type of energy... it MUST have a frequency and wavelenght that fits into the light spectrum. You can't have a photon of radio frequency, or Xray frequency. It MUST fall into the light wave bandwidth.

2:04 Photons CAN'T spread over an area... they don't thin out over space/time. A molecular cluster of Photons can't go far and can't cover enough area to cover a foot side by each. It's absolutely, completely impossible unnless they SHATTER or DISOLVE into much, much, much small units. Heat waves, just on the edge of light waves, don't ever get to be photons. Radio Waves... identical to light waves except in frequency and wavelength, NEVER get to be Photons. Photons are a ridiculous idea unless you understand it is a measurement and not a thing... not an object, something totally massless, like inches and feet.

2:05 Think about this... you live on the surface of a Carbon Atom. Your atom has a circumferance of around about 300 picometers. You are a few Exameters tall. A second is a year to you. Light waves are falling down all around you... but you will have NO AWARENESS of them. Your world is TOO SMALL to resonate with them. Your body is too small to SEE them. You might get blown away like a hurricane in their presence. Photons are energy on the move... but energy is motion, isn't it?

2:06 All things are trying to find rest, but can't. So long as those pesky Electrons exist, motion will continue as the Electron chases its tail. Electrons are magnets, and permanent ones, at that, it would seem. Electrons are ALWAYS chasing their tails unless they find a comfortable home with an atom. Electrons are like ball bearings and plug stops. Neutrons have a plug stop Electron. If they lose it... hard to do, the Neutron becomes a Proton. Electrons, if they break down, will break down into Quanta units we will think of as Gamma Rays. There is a strong possibility that Gamma Rays are Electron dust.

2:07 Electrons will move to maintain EQUILIBRIUM... their inertia in balance with their surroundings. When an Electron moves it is because of a Quantum of Energy being exchanged. A photon is exchanged. While Photons have no mass I will imagine it to be an Electron size balloon full of energy... one Quantum. Electrons can't always move in a straight line conductor... the fastest route/why the Speed of Light may vary. Space is like a vat of marbles, not side by each in nice neat rows but scattered, even if they are the same size, at apparent random spots. This causes energy to be radiated and dissipated the denser the medium. Space, away from suns/stars etc. is pretty empty of matter size stuff.

2:07:2 Now here's the thing. You don't much see lightning in space do you? Maybe in plasma? That's the thing. To see light one will need matter that is large enough to resonate with the energy waves created by the Quanta/Photons. The Quanta/Photons are nowhere near large enough to make a visible single light wave but, together, they may transmit those waves, like spectators in a stadium doing "a wave", standing up and sitting down, one at a time, side by each to complete the wave.

2:07:03 You see lightning, on Earth, because of Electron exchanges in air which gets heated, which is very hot gass which resonated the molecules around them to produce light. The Photons are not light. The Quanta are not light. They are the fuel for the fire, but not the flames. We really need to get used to the idea that we are already seeing and using and partaking of Dark Matter/Dark Energy, every single day and it is Quanta/Photons in nature.

SIZE MATTERS

3:01 Sitting on your Carbon Atom home, you don't know heat, even if you are sitting in a 3,000Kelvin bath of molten carbon. You don't know what heat is because you aren't big engough to resonate with the waves. Your body has expanded and you have become a gas. You are a Hoberman Sphere kind of object. As Carbon, you have many solid shapes with vertices, edges, and surfaces but, as a gas, you inflate as large as you can to try to ride out those tsunami like heat waves.

3:02 What happens is you expand, as best you can to deal with the violent motions... the Earthquake of Heat. Heat is motion to you... Earthquake size waves, carbon destructive waves. You have never know light and never will. If you have light, it is in the Exameter wavelengths caused by Dark Matter. Dark Matter is NOT DARK, it just isn't big enough to resonate light frequencies. Think Gamma Ray kind of light.

3:03 How many kinds of Photons are there? Red ones? Green ones? Blue ones? White ones? Pink ones? How many photons in a stream of blue light? How do Photons spread with distance to cover the entire wavefront? Photons don't keep their Quantum State very long, do they? Photons are not particles, they are units of measure. Two inches can't leave a source and become 12 inches, or 20 inches. Stop thinking of Photons as particles.

3:04 A single Photon with a full light spectrum is about 10,000 times the size of a Proton. How, exactly, a Photon fits into a Proton I don't grasp, at all. But breaking down a Proton will create bursts of energy that can resonate detector plates in the One Micron range and be detected. Strangely, Atom Smashers have no ability to detect Helium. One might think if one was smashing Protons at hight speed, they might form Helium atoms. I do. Until Helium detectors are fitted into Atom Smashers I guess we'll never know.

3:06 The Photon is too large to fit into the Protons which are supposed to contain it. A full wave Photon has a size/wavelength of 800 nanometers... about 106 times larger than ANY proton. A single colour Photon can be at least 100 nanometers in length... still an Elephant beside a mouse. That is a problem, for me, and I don't accept Photons as particles. Colour and light exist only inside your brain and that information could NEVER reach your brain except through sensors large enough to receive the information... the rods and cones of your eyes and nerve cells LARGER than one micron. Eye nerve cells are about one micron. Body cells can be as large as 3 microns... more than ample to receive the 950 nanometer heat waves.

ELECTRONS Might is Right. Overwhelming force rules.

Electrons may pass energy in TWO ways... by rotation/vibration, or by physical exchange between elements... A/C or D/C.

4:01 Electron exchange... the movement of Electrons into and out of their stable shell/orbit/level will cause light waves to be generated. The loss of an Electron or change in energy state causes an atom-quake... the atom shakes violently, disturbing the energy fields around it. Electrons may be used to bombard certain Elements to produce Gamma Rays... rays that appear to have wave lengths shorter than the diameter of an Electron. The only explanation, for that, might be that Dark Matter and Energy is being generated/manipulated. An Electron would have to topple faster than it was spinning as the only other explanation.

4:02 Electrons are easily controlled with magnets. They have to be magnets. I believe it is generally accepted that all Electrons are magnetic in nature with two poles AND there are TWO kinds of Electrons... left and right spin. Remember... spinning spheres are gyroscopes which may wobble, swing and topple... transmit energy from HERE to THERE over time.

4:03 Electrons are, conveniently, already the measure against which other measurements are made in the world of Quantum Mechanics/Physics.

4:04 Electrons may easily move between Elements when enough electrical pressure is applied. There are so many Electrons around that we call them Free Electrons. They are everywhere present and always moving around from place to place.

4:05 Electrons transmit and hold energy through excess spin or physical motion. Electrons may spin or PHYSICALLY MOVE THROUGH SPACE AND OTHER ELEMENTS. The question here is how do they transmit energy. Electrons are magnets. If they flip from pole to pole... 90 degrees to their spin axis, they will generate energy around them just as any permanent magnet will do. If they are hit with excess energy, they need only flip poles to pass that energy on less the resistance they offered. Electrons resist the flow of energy with their mass but it is almost non existent... the little guys are very, very, very small. Size matters. An insect may leap may times the height of its body and not be harmed. Size matters. It takes extremely little energy to move a piece of dust.

4:06 We already know that Electromagnetic Waves transmit through a vacuum and space. THe mechanisim has not been worked out but I will suggest it here. Space is NOT empty. You don't have to agree with that but it is perfectly clear the energy transmits through space and empty space offers no reason why. On the other hand, if we accept DARK MATTER and DARK ENERGY as being nothing more than things too small to measure, or see, with Electrons, then we can assume Dark Matter, as particles, offeres little resistance to Electrons. We must also assume that space matter/Dark Matter/Dark Energy has magnetic properties... because it transmits electonic/Electron driven energies.

4:07 I have already said the Electron transmits energies through spin, topple and motion. Let's examine that...

Whether, or not, Electrons are side by each, or separated, the energy is transmitted by way of Electrons and, because their spin and topple sets the frequency of energy, the stuff in between, whatever you may think it to be... I believe in Dark Matter will, likewise, transmit those frequencies in proportion to the Electrons size... Electron motion will generate the waves.

HOW FAR IS FAR? HOW BIG IS BIG AND HOW SMALL IS SMALL? RELATIVITY OF SIZE

Shape is key to characteristics and resonance of size... what colours will be reflected by Electromagnetic Waves.

I like to view atoms and molecules as having distinct shapes. Atoms can be gasses or solids and that will vary with their physical motion and shape. Shape will depend upon inertial physical energies... heat, as it were. Gasses need more space than solids... they have their physical energy spread out over more space, in less time, than solids. There may be more space between the particles but they are moving much, much faster... being HERE and THERE in LESS TIME... a higher frequency, as it were, creating physical waves and electronic waves, at the same time, part of reality's dual nature. Electrons will be at vertices as ball-bearings. Shape will determine state. Electrons are in a permanent solid state, as they set the Speed of Light. If an Electron comes apart, I would expect a nuclear explosion and a ton of Gamma Ray Particles as the Gamma unfold themselves.

The Human Eye, and all eyes, have nerves which are of a size appropriate to resonate with the wave lengths of Electromagnetic Radiation hitting them. Those wave are Tsunami Waves to the nerve, Earthquake type waves that will shake the nerve vigorously.

5:01 Can we do an experiment to count the number of Electrons in a fixed distance? We know the speed of light, more or less, exactly. This experiment is entirely dependent upon the accuracy of the information we know. What do we know?

(1) By definition an Ampere is One Coulomb of Electrons. (2) A Coulomb is, by definition, 6.25 X 1018 Charge Units. (different sources quote different values from 6.24-6.28) 625,000,000,000,000,000,000 Electrons, to be precise. (3) The Speed of Light is, approximately, 29.9cm/NanoSecond.

5:02 We may use that information to estimate the size of Electrons. Protons don't move in a circuit, so thinking of Protons as charge carriers is redundant here.

5:03 Knowing the number of Electrons necessary to make a single line of Electrons (we measure the flow... it's a straight line thing) past a point vs time. If we divide the distance by the number of Electrons we derive the diameter of a single Electron.

5:04 The Law of Large Numbers dictates that we should use the longest distance possible between measuring points... for the best accuracy. We know that an Ampere is based upon a unit of time... the second. How many Electrons will pass a singularity in one second? By definition we use Amperes/Coulombs or similar measuring units. In one second we may assume that 6.25 X 10 18 Electrons fit in the line from end to end.

5:05 Whether, or not, Electrons are lined up, side by each, or separated by space, no energy may pass them until they are spun, toppled, or moved physically. Even if the space between is empty, the volume/distance between them seems to have the same resistance to Electonic Energy as do the Electons themselves. So... we could assume that the Electron is the measure of the Electron UNIT and RESISTANCE OF SPACE no matter how it arrives at our sensors... Electronic and our Eyes and Brain.

5:06 Conclusion: There is a rather startling reality to all of this. It may take you a while to wrap your mind around it. If the Electron sets the speed of light by being "here and there" at "the same time"... it IS the measure. So... anything LARGER/BIGGER than an Electon is occupying more space/time "at the same time" as an Electron and is thus, at least figuatively, already moving at the Speed of Light. A single Electron would take some time to travel from one end of the body to the other and it could NOT be everywhere present, in the body, all at once, at the SAME time. In order to do that it would have to move much faster than the speed of light.

5:07 One might say that anything that occupies space is a standing wave moving at 4/3 Pi times the speed of light cubed for any given amoung of time where the radius of the sphere, so described, has the time frame defined by the radius of the sphere... the speed of light for any given length of time. For a sphere to occupy space at the same time/instant, where EVERY part of the sphere was PRESENT, at the same moment of time, time with time referenced to the speed of light, then to exist for one second, it would have a radius of one second of light speed. You, simply, use the formula for the volume of a sphere where the radius is the speed of light/time. Thus, all matter, is standing waves of light speed energy when viewed from a platform moving slower than light speed... your Quantum Field, as it were.

5:08 The mass of a Proton and Neutron is about 1836 times that of an Electron. Electrons and Protons seem to be extremely stable but Protons may be broken down into Quarks etc. while Neutrons decay into an Electron and Proton. To our knowledge, Electrons do not break down into anything but we must assume they have structure and parts because they occupy space. I will suggest those parts are Dark Matter and likely bits of what produce Gamma Rays... the Gamma. Electrons and protons are attracted to each other and the ratio will be 1836/distance squared between them. Electons are not attracted to Neutrons and we seem to know why... Neutrons can spit out an Electron which must be the key to making them neutral, in the first place, to Electrons. Neutrons are missing the spin energy of ONE ELECTRON. There MUST be two kinds of NEUTRONS because Electrons can have LEFT or RIGHT spin... i.e. there are two kinds of Electrons.

5:09 If you touch something and it is three feet from your finger to your brain, it will take approximately 3 Nano Seconds for the message to reach your brain, at light speed. Your brain, by the way, processes information at about 10 frames per second... that is why animation is at least 12 frames per second. Film is 24 frames per second and video is 30 frames per second to ensure smoothness of image flow.

5:10 A wave can be Femtometers in lenth, or Kilometers in length. If both begin their journey at the SAME TIME then the WAVE FRONTS should arrive at the same place at the same time... except the short wave lengths will have deteriorated greatly over distance and may not even make it. Remember... longest is strongest when it comes to waves. Remember, a bunch of small waves striking your legs on the seashore is much different than a 10 foot high wave tghat is five miles long. You might end up dead.

5:11 A wave of one Femtometer will be thousands of times smaller than a wave of one kilometer and you will be able to pack thousands of the Femtometer waves into the SAME distance. Einstein never got around to noticing that... nor doppler effect. He did not account for ANY waves that were not traveling in the SAME direction as the observer... no math for that. Nor did Einstein account for the fact that no object can ever move back to where it came from, in space. What is EXTREMELY important here is that waves represent TIME. A single short wave can have a life span of pico seconds while an Electrical House Current requires more time to exist. The longest wave in the Universe is INFINITE... the ZERO WAVE. It does not exist, except as a concept. If all motion stopped, there would be no waves, of any kind. Space is cold for no other reason than short waves are in very short supply there and there is no Electronic 'stuff' to hold the "HEAT WAVES"... something to RESONATE with the energy of 950 nano meter waves.

5:12 The Milky Way is on the move and taking us with it. We are constantly on the move towards the center of the Milky Way so all objects will ALWAYS seem to be receeding from us and only objects ahead of us, or catching up to us (like the POLE STAR) will ever show a blue shift. The only stars which can show a blue shift must be in front of us and closing distance to us... all others MUST have a RED SHIFT. Relativity is all about moving forward and never backwards. Earth travels in a long wave seven billion kilometers long and never makes a circle, in space.

CONCLUSIONS

7:01 When asking a question such as "What Causes the Speed of Light" one will, of necessity, require some basic knowledge of fundamental science and principles. One must ask questions such as "how big is big and how small is small?"

7:02 We live in a very large universe but we recognize it is made of some very small parts. General Relativiy and Special Relativity seem to lose all meaning at sizes smaller than one Micron. That world is inside the box with Shroedinger's Cat. We need to look inside that box.

7:03 When Einstein wrote his Relativity, in 1916, he didn't much pay attention to waves. Waves would not come into serious study until a few years hence when they went inside a mysterious box with a cat. When Einstein was considering Relativity, Tesla didn't realize he had invented radio and wi-fi, Marconi cottoned on to the radio potential, but nobody was thinking of waves with any serious intent. We know a lot more about waves, now, and Quantum Physics works well with them. Fortunately, we won't need Quantum Mechanics for this theory.

7.04 Einstein had some serious things to say about the consequences of moving at Light Speed and still had not considered waves in his original theory... the red/blue shift. Not a word. He would compensate for inertial with Lorenz Transformations. I want to speak of time.

7:08 Another issue I have with Einstein's approach to Relativity is that all of his formulae were based, as I see it, upon straight line velocities. That is to say, the math that he generated... the formulae for solving, were all based upon a moving body moving in the SAME or exact OPPOSITE direction as the light waves. It should be noted that waves were not considered by Einstein in the original text, nor was it realized, at the time, that light was just a very, very, very, very small part of a continuous spectrum of wave lengths.

The LAW OF LARGE NUMBERS LARGE NUMBERS AND PHYSICAL SIZE

8:01 Ampere or amp (symbol: A) is the unit of electrical current. The Ampere unit is named after Andre-Marie Ampere, from France. One Ampere is defined as the current that flows with electric charge of one Coulomb per second.

8:02 An ampere is the current flow of one coulomb per second. One electron carries a charge of -1.6 X 10 19 coulombs, so one coulomb has 6.25 X 10 18electrons. So one ampere is 6.25*10^18 electrons per second

8:03 Here's the thing. If you were living upon a Carbon Atom, the concept of light would be non existent. You would be too small to experience light. You would need to be, say, at least one Micron in size so you could resonate with the wave lengths associated with light and you would, also, be able to feel heat... being able to resonate with a heat wave.

8:04 Now, let's get back to size and time. It would be helpful to think of waves as single events... a single wave, for my purpose here. A 60 cycle Electrical current has waves that are 5,000 Kilometers long. Longest is strongest in the world of waves, so you can see that a 60 Cycle Electrical wave is quite the tsunami of a wave and why it is so powerful... can power motors and transmit a lot of energy per second. In theory, since all bodies fly through space with their South Poles forward towards the center of their galaxies, one could use the body, flying through space, as a very large scale transformer. Wrap the body... such as Earth, pole to pole a few times... the entire planet, as it were. That is the Primary of the transformer. Then secondary loops are placed at different points to draw the very long wave energies being captured in the conductor around the Earth/Space Body to bring it down to a useable Electrical Wave Length... 60 cycles is good.

8:05 We tend to think of high frequencies as being associated with high energy and they are... but as single waves it's like comparing dynamite to C4 explosive. Both are very powerful but the C4 is high impact and extremely short waves while dynamite is lifting impact and long shock waves. Small waves can be very useful if they don't have to go far... think wi-fi and smart cards.

8:06 Now, because I go on and on like a dripping tap... let's get back to size and time. A second is a very long time to you who are living on a Carbon Atom. A second is just some arbitrary time unit that evolved from our 24 hour clock system. It has no meaning except what we have given to it. It's just too long a time unit for our purposes here. We live on a Carbon Atom.

8:07 Time, and size, are related in relative ways. Units of measure require a ruler... a standard. We have standards for what, exactly, a Meter is, or a Foot, or a Pound. You get the idea. Now, whatever the unit may be, there is a standard and I propose that the Electron is the standard by which is set the Speed of Light. Nothing may reach your brain except by way of Electrons.

8:08 We measure just about everything with Electrons... that's a fortunate coincidence. Quantum Physics uses the measures of the Electron as the standard unit, already. That's so very fortunate. We can't be quite sure, exactly, what the physical size of an Electron is because they don't sit still and we use Electrons to measure Electrons. The thing is, they are NOT singularities and OCCUPY SPACE/TIME. While they are involved in all electonic waves, the physical Electron IS NOT a wave but the measure by which all Electronic waves are constructed. Electrons are solid bodies of matter... actual matter that sets the Speed of Light by their very existence and electronic characteristics in our Electronic Reality. Ironically, reality is a kind of binary matrix the bits, of which, are Electrons and their sub parts... Dark Matter/Energy... also magnets too small to detect with Electrons except their effects... such as magnetism. Theoretically speaking, there is no smallest part but the very smallest parts don't have mass because they lack Electrons and have masses MUCH less than that of the Electron, itself... which, ironically, has very little energy... about one Quantum, at the best of times, to get it to budge. One needs a quantum of energy to get an Electron to react... an extremely small amount of energy to us who occupy so much more space AT THE SAME TIME.

GRAVITY THE PROBLEM WITH GRAVITY

The present concepts of gravity are in conflict with the Laws of Thermodynamics... things fall apart, they don't get together. Attraction between matter is an optical illusion. Gravity is push, not pull.

If a particle sets the speed of light, it is an object occupying space. If that particle is magnetic and has the ability to choose what pole sits where, it is an active component of reality. If one Electron,at one end of a conductor, pulls out, another will enter at the other end of the conductor. Similarily, the opposite is true. If an Electron is PUSHED into the conductor and they start piling up at the other end, they will start 'lumping', but have difficulty because of the poles. If they start moving FASTER than they can get out, the "lumping" will definitely occur and the group will take on spin, moving faster and faster and faster until they reach "light speed". At that point no forward movement occurs, any more and the Electrons become a STANDING WAVE of ELECTRONS... the solid stuff gets very real and in your face.

THE CONCEPT OF FOLDING SPACE

Photographer's Flip... Wire Ring with reflecting cloth which may be folded for storage.

The Singularity (arrow) must now follow the SAME path in less space.

9:01 Space is not empty. The sum of all space is the sum of all energy. That energy is more intense from one place to another. Nothing is ever at rest and nothing stays in the same place unless it can move in a circle as fast, or faster than things moving around it... a tornado is energy concentrated in a small space moving slower, forward, than all the energy around it. A tornado is folding space and energy.. Space must be infinite as nothing else holds any logic of any kind. The universe is not enclosed but varies in density from place to place with what we call matter.

9:02 Matter gathers in the places of most resistance and least motion, like dust bunnies in a corner.

9:03 Motion is energy being expressed in time/over time... just as energy is expressed over time such as Foot Pounds or Horse Power. Energy may take other forms but it is still compressed motion/waves. The more energy, the more motion. If motion can't express itself over distance, then it must compress or fold space in time. Waves are compressed energy over time.

9:04 Energy versus distance is a wave... the slower stuff getting out of the way of the moving stuff by stepping aside for a time as the energy passes. The longest wave is no wave at all, yet that makes no sense as regards energy. The longest wave is no wave or empty space or space with no localized energy... evenly distributed energy, everywhere, all at once, all of the time. A given amount of energy may be expressed as a long wave or a number of short waves occupying the same space in time. Wave motion is oppossed and compresses energy over time. Matter is folded energy... folded space, space that is burning off fuel, so to speak, before it may land by weaving and circling in time.

9:05 To be HERE and THERE at the same time as things around you, you must move at 4/3 P r 3 where the radius of motion is distance versus time. For instance, to remain a stable wave/object of 500 feet, for 0ne minute in the same place, one would have to move at 4/3 P r 3 where r was 500 feet and the time was one minute. i.e. One is moving at 500 feet per minute but, to stay put and have energy, one would have to move at (4/3 P 500 3)/ one minute. One would become a sphere of 500 feet and bouyant within the medium surrounding one.

9:06 Matter acts like dust bunnies in a storm and gathers in the places of most resistance to motion/place of rest by compressing forward motion and/or spinning on the spot. Spin is a reaction to motion and resistance to motion. Things move toward the greater density... change direction of motion, compress energy. The idea is similar to Einstein's e=mc2 but Einstein considered, only, VECTOR motions in his original idea... the Raiway car and observer. He did not consider any motions except forwards and only energy coming from directly behind or directly in front. He ignored the 3rd dimension and ignored wave motion, entirely. He realized that inertia was stored energy compressed into space but didn't consider its volume. Hope you got that. If you need only the direct force values, e=mc2 will cover it, but the real value is the volume of energy.

9:10 If you are having issues imagining folding space, think of a Photographer's Flip... a device for reflecting light which may be, easily, folded for storage. It is a wave in a package, two turns where there once was one.

HYPOTHESIS

6:01 The particle we know as the Electron is the clock that sets the Speed of Light and why that speed becomes more difficult to exceed the larger the mass of any object. The greater the mass of anything, the more Electrons must be displaced to move it and accelerate. The energy required will be directly proportional to the number of Electrons per second displaced... how much energy that takes. The more Electrons displaced, per second, the more energy it will require. It does not matter if actual Electrons are displaced, as the space in between is full of something, or other, that will transmit, exactly, the volume and energy of the Electron. If the Electron topples pole to pole, it is a magnet and will generate that energy into the space surrounding it... pass the energy on and not hold on to it. Electrons are always moving at the speed of light if they move at all.

6:02 As a solid sphere, to be HERE and THERE at the SAME time, there must be a point source moving at 4/3 P r3 where r is the speed of light, thus... 4/3 P c3 for any given amount of time. 6:03 To exist, anything which we perceive to be 'solid' will be a point source moving so fast as to seem to be a standing wave to our perception of it at information arriving at the Speed of Light. All information arrives to our brain at the Speed of Light by way of Electronic circuitry.

6:04 Nothing may reach your brain except by way of Electrons and they are the 'bits' of the Off/On information stream to our brains. The very shortest 'bit'of information your brain may receive is ONE ELECTRON jumping one synapse. That happens at light speed and information is exchanged.

6:05 When an Electron changes energy level/shell level and makes a 'quantum leap'it will release, or gain one Photon's worth of energy... we detect them giving off light and will assume they regain it when falling back into a 'normal' state.

6:06 Stationary is a relativity concept. We are moving through space at more than 500Kms. All things are relative, as you will have to understand and accept. We are flying through space on a long wave pattern, seven billion kilometer long waves per year, and moving ever closer to the center of our Galaxy, the Milky Way. All things seem to be receeding from us. Think of yourself as the navigator of a ship in a very fast moving sea called Space.

6:07 We regard the speed of light, in space, to be 299,792,458 ms. For the purposes of this theory I will simplify the speed to 299,000 kms. In order to bring the Speed of Light down to a more manageable number for thought purposes, and to make things easier to follow, we must think about things at a very tiny level with very, very small values. If you adjust the Seed of Light to how far it moves in ONE NANO SECOND, then we get 29.9cm (299,000,000 divided by one billion after you convert it to Centimeters.

299,972,485X 1,000 meters X 1,000 millimeters = 299,000,000,000,000 mm DIVIDED by 1,000,000,000 = 299,297,485mm Divided by 1,000 (to convert the mm to cm) = 29.9 cm

WAVES VERSUS WAVE FRONTS

6:08 It is extremely important to remember that it is the WAVE FRONT that is moving that fast and NOT THE WAVE. The wave may only move as fast as its parts and that may be only a few microns as part of the wave which may be kilometers long. So, the question is, how small are the parts and how far do they have to move to move at the Speed of Light? If you are very, very small, you don't have to move very far, at all... the wave front will still be moving at the Speed of Light.

6:09 Electromagnetic Energy is measured against time. One Ampere of Electricity is the same amount as One Coulomb of Electons... i.e. 6.25 X 10 to the 18th power Electrons. Interestingly, the value varies between many respected publications but is always between 6.24 and 6.28 so I will use 6.25 X 1018 Electrons. Actually, the definition is charged bodies, so it could apply to Protons, as well. Protons are not what we use to transmit energy so, what is important for here is the Electron. When that number flows by a stationary point in time, we define it as One Ampere of Electrons when the resistance to flow is One Ohm. From this we derive Ohm's Law... E=IR or voltage time amperes over resistance in ohms.

6:10 If you do the math, you may readily calculate how many Electrons there should be between two points, if you know the voltage, resistance and distance. What that should mean is that a conductor the length of the Speed of Light for One Second should hold a linear line of Electrons, side by each, and one should be able to ad up the diameters of the Electrons and it should equal the distance for the Speed of Light for One Second. Got that?

6:11 If you divide the Speed of Light for One Second by the number of Electrons in a Coulomb, let's round up the Speed of Light to 300,000 Kms and divide by 6.25 X 1018 Electrons and it comes out to about 4 Femto Meters... a bit larger than we would like to see. Less than 3 would be more in line with experiments. BUT... if you consider that Electrons can push their way around or roll their way around, then 4 Femtometers would be close to the circumference we would like to see. The whole point here is to get you to start seeing the Electrons and something in between that may be much smaller but Electromagnetic in nature and responding volume/mass per volume/mass of motion of the Electrons, thus transmitting the energy in a continuous fashion, whether one single wave of a wave stream.

Last Words

7:01 I'd like to mention Radioactivity. I believe shapes are critical in the construction of all Atoms. I believe it is, likely, linked to the shapes of the Johnson Solids... i.e. the non radioactive elements will try to take the shapes of the Johnson Solids depending upon the numbers of Faces and Vertices. The Vertices are Electros. There are not enough Johnson Solids to complete the number of Elements needed but one will notice they are about the same as the non radioative Elements.

7:02 What about the Radioactive Elements? Imagine stable Elements that are large enough to have sqatters settle in... smaller elements which are outcasts... isotopes. Somehow they managed to build a structure on top of another... but, if they lose some Electons, in the various energy shake ups, they may begin to fall apart, Beta and Alpha particle at a time until a physical split occurs.

7:03 There should be fewer and fewer radioactive elements as one nears the center of the galaxy because it is associated with shorter wave lengths which will be rather destructive to large objects... constantly hitting them. They will generate new Hydrogen and Helium atoms which start their lives without Electrons. Electons come and go... that's the way they are, always in their own balance which never changes. They just roll with the punches.

8:03 The Gyrobifastigium is a particularly interesting shape I associate with Helium. If you make two triangular shapes, with arms as triangular shape of equal width, form them into triangles made of triangular tubing such that the center holes are exactly the widths of the arms of the triangles, you will achieve a shape that has a Gyrobifastigium at its virtual center but will be a stellation... a kind of stellated Gyrobifastigium.

Stellated Gyrobifastigium paper model

9:01 While space may not be cheek to cheek Electrons, the stuff "in between" definitely, without any shadow of any kind of doubt, is tranmitting energies in the Electromagnetic frequencies/wavelengths. The "in between" is full of reactive Electromagnetic energies and it matters, not a wit, what theory you wish to believe. Now, the neat thing about this 'stuff' is this... it's a medium. It isn't a very thick one, to we particle type beings, but it's there.

9:01:02 In theory, it should be possible to build a propulsion system using permanent magnets shaped like propeller blades. The turning propellers will churn the stuff 'in between' just as surely as a propeller in water. While the velocities will be low, acceleration will work over time and the propeller need not turn very quickly, at all... just turn. Also, since there is 'stuff' there, it might be prudent to 'streamline' a spacecraft Electromagnetically for most efficient operations regarding maximum velocities to reduce Electromagnetic drag. I'm thinking a 'stealth' exterior would be great.

Who is Terry David Silvercloud?

I was born in October, 1944, in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, where I grew up. I was the firt of five children in a family that was not very well off, somewhat dysfunctional. We moved a lot. My father worked nights so he didn't seem to be home a lot. We didn't get along well but, in my old age I realize I'm a lot like him. He was semi-illiterate and could just barely read. He grew up in the backwoods of Northern Ontario on a rual farm with no running water nor electricity. He walked miles to a small schoolhouse. He could fix just about anything and was a very curious person regarding how things worked.

I had a lot of personal issues a shrink could spend years upon. I've seen two in my life. They assured me I was not crazy, just a bit too emotional and very intelligent. Not a good combination, it seems. I had not been well prepared for life, at all. Coming from a somewhat religious family, my reality was very distorted by my family's superstitions. I was always the smartest kid in the class, while bored to tears and never doing any homework.

I had to bus to school for High School. That meant eating at school. My father gave me 25 cents which was enough to buy a hot meal of meat and potatoes kind of thing. I always boughtt a pint of chocolate milk and two chocolate glazed doughnuts. I ate a lot of Oatmeal so I think that is what save me from a ruined body. I was six feet tall around age 13.

I always wondered how the sound got through the wires and learned how to make a one wire multiple party line... only one conductor, at about age 14-15. That is when I really fell in love with Electrons. It was very easy to follow a circuit board. I destroyed a couple of the family table top radios to turn them into amplifiers (1958-60). A big deal gift to myself was my first soldering gun. Remember, we were poor. I had a paper route.

I read a lot of dog books when in Grade 9 but we had a school library and they put out new books and, one day, there was a largish, glossy pages, illustrations in colour (this was about 1960... a big deal), about Electronics. So, at lunch, I taught myself how Radio, Television and Radar worked. I wanted to invent a flat screen TV as my life goal.

It didn't work out. I went straight out of High School into Naval Officer School. I was an officer at age 19. Things I did, of interest, were to navigate HMCS CAPE SCOTT across the Atlantic a few times, and to Puerto Rico.

My name, at that time, was Alexander Terence Blair. My mom named me after Terry and the Pirates and used the spelling of Publius Terens. I grew up as a 'Terry'. I entered the Naval Reserve in the fall of 1960 and became an Able Seaman Signalman, CVX4, overqualified for my rank but I jumped a few, I'm a rather fast learner when I want to be. My last summer of training and on the job training, in 1963, I got to be the lone signalman/communications person aboard a Gate Vessel quite small training ship, based in Hamilton, at HMCS Patriot. If you wanted to reach us, or send a message out, it was through me. We had a bad storm, one day, and I spent much of it at the helm as most of the new reservists were busy vomitting. The officers weren't doing much better. At the start of the storm, the cook, an old sea salt came up to the communications shack, gave me a few slices of dry bread and told me to eat them, I was going to need them. I felt better quite quickly and never had an issue with sea sickness, again. I joined the Regular Forces in September, 1963. My official number in the Royal Canadian Navy was O-6974. My Officer Designator was 130.

I was qualified to command and drive ships and submarines. Aboard HMCS Cape Scott, which I navigated (1966-67), I was fourth in line of command in spite of many more senior officers being aboard. They were technicians and not trained to command and drive a ship, a kind of sub-group of passengers, as it were. We often carried a Dentist and a Helicopter Pilot. The ship had a helicopter and a Dental Clinic. I once had a tooth pulled out at sea. We had an operating room, too. I had my head stitched by an Able Seaman who wanted to become a medic. The medic asked me if he would let him do it as the stitching would be covered by my hair.

I left the RCN as a Lieutenant in the Submarine Service. I served, in England, aboard HMS Opportune for training and HMS Tiptoe as Spare Crew. The Torpedo Officer was off training for the upcoming Olympics. My jobs were Torpedo Officer, Deck Officer, Sonar Officer and Supply Officer... handling the cash we kept, on board, usually only letters of credit, but I once had about a half million in various European currencies to pay the guys a daily living allowance. They don't sleep on the submarine in foreign ports if they don't want to. They get a daily cash allowance to do with as they choose, including food. I would dish it out in the appropriate currency, as needed. In Canada I served aboard HMCS Ojibwa, an Oberon Class submarine. I had issues with the Captain and left the Navy, early, when they found out I was going to leave, anyway. I had been very happy in the Navy until I returned to Canada. Things went downhill, very rapidly, after that. British trained officers weren't welcome, it seemed.

On HMS Opportune I had the opportunity to participate in large scale NATO exercises. As the submarine, we were the bad guys. My most exiciting experience was that we located the main fleet in the middle of the Atlantic and carried out a pracice attack on them... no real bang bangs, just pretend. But it was very dangerous stuff to do.

We had a very excellent Captain, Commander Baker. You could wear whatever you wanted on a submarine. Go naked if you dared... who cares, just be happy. The Captain favoured brightly coloured golfing outfits. He positioned us in front of the oncoming ships, we went to periscope depth for a visual and to enter data into the firing solution, dove to about 100 feet at full speed ahead (very, very dangerous) and could hear the destroyers passing overhead.

Once the destroyers were behind us, we poked up for a visual on the nearest Aircraft Carrier, entered the data into the firing solution, and pretended to fire everything we had at that carrier. We then went to a very deep classified depth being as silent as we could and slipped away. Oh, we fired a green smoke signal to the surface at the time we fired, to let the ships know we had just attacked them.

I went to Sonar School after that, then to Spare Crew where I was sent to HMS Tiptoe to be the Torpedo Officer. That was a lot of fun, a great crew. Mostly we did some show the flag trips to cities in Europe and some exercises with the SAS (commando types) where we would surface off the coast of England, a helicopter would suddenly appear and SAS types would come down on ropes, we would get them below as fast as possible, submerge, take them somewhere else, surface and they would take off in little rafts. We would come back to pick them up, take them back somewhere else, helicopters would appear and they would vanish back into the sky. I was the Deck Officer, so I got to be the Officer on deck helping those guys off the rope and directing them to the opening they headed for. I also was the Boarding Officer so I got to shoot a Sterling. It was a better version of a sten gun.

I noticed it had rifleling in the barrel... the Sten gun is all a hail of large bullets kind of machine... mow them down kind of gun. The Sterling had a setting for single fire. So I chose that and showed off my Marksman skills. I'm a pretty good shot. Another great experience I had, aboard HMS Tiptoe, was seeing the only mirages I've ever seen in my life. We were about 75-100 miles at sea,late in the afternoon, when Rotterdam appeared suspended above the horizon. Within ten minutes it had a mirror image above it, then three of them, then they all dissapeared. It was quite large, a magnified kind of image.

I tell you this so you can check me out. I did a lot of other things after I left the Navy but my life has, mostly, revolved around photography. I'm a very good photographer and worked as a high end assistant... fashion, cars, boooze, furniture, editorial, magazine kind of stuff. Got to photograph some famous people, dusted the lint off Rob Lowe's shoulders for a poster shoot for a movie. Keannu Reeves keeps to himself on set to stay in character. I assisted on a shot of him used on the cover of Peope and W magazines. I got to do neat stuff and had my own darkroom and studio in which I lived. I've lived in a lot of store fronts and warehouse spaces, most of my life. I know my f stops and have been working with light since I took my first photo at age 7 with a box camera. I taught myself some basic darkroom when I was around 14. We had a darkroom in my high school.

I went into a kind of semi-retirement in 1997 and moved to Vancouver. I had issues with my odd appearance (hair style) as they were very conservative in Vancouver. I cut my hair and changed my name to the one I used in Photography... David Silvercloud. I legally changed my name to the ones I, actually, used. Terry David Silvercloud. These days I go by 'David' or 'Butch'. How I got to the name 'Butch' is another of my long stories for another day.

One day, in 2002, I asked myself what it would take to be HERE and THERE, at the SAME time. That got me to read Einstein, notice what he seemed not to have noticed, and thinking about motion at the sub-atomic level of reality and to look at how it fits with the larger world around me. I never did solve all the issues, in my head, but they would come back to nag me and I came to realize that the Electron was the problem child. I hadn't really allowed, well, for it to exist. And it has so many odd characteristics that all have to be accounted for.

I got it into my head it had to be tetrahedral but that has so many bad issues. It HAD to be a shape. One I resolved that it was nearly spheroidal, I chose the Icosahedron and haven't looked back.

Regards, from Butch, himself, Terry David Silvercloud. If you like what you see, please spread the word. You may reproduce this paper... please do and spread it around. 15 March, 2018.

#What causes the Speed of Light?

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