#imagine if netflix was like you cant watch this cause someone else is watching it

[scoobydoozombieisland1998]

ive romanticized the library too much frankly they have failed me every time

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

[stokan]

Top 20 Things of 2018

1.) Beychella How do you make a long awaited surprise album between two of the biggest names in music that is also one of the year’s best feel like complete afterthought? Set the bar as high as Beyonce’s Coachella appearance.

First awards show performances, then music videos, now music festival gigs: is there anything that Beyonce CAN’T turn into high art?

2.) Explained by Vox The most exciting development in the world of television in 2018 was radically breaking the rules on episodes length. We saw 30 minute dramas, and hour long comedies. We got shows like Maniac where episodes were as long as 49 minutes and as short as 27 minutes. Now television creators can tell exactly the stories they want to tell in however much time they want to tell them in. And perhaps nowhere were these loosened restrictions taken better advantage than Explained, Vox’s documentary series for Netflix. Many topics cant sustain a full length documentary, but, say, 14 minutes explaining cryptocurrency to me? Sure! 17 minutes on designer DNA? Sounds great! 20 minutes on the origins of K-Pop? How do you say “yes please” in Korean? Every episode has a different narrator, a different look, a different feel, and varies wildly in subject matter. Yet they are all exactly the length they need to be. The only thing left I really need explained to me is why no one thought to make this series before.

3.) Serial Season 3 If Explained was a great example of the latest evolution in television, then the new season of Serial is at the front line of the evolution of our newest artistic medium: podcasts. Serial’s third season was nothing like its second, which was in turn nothing like its first. It’s a series still figuring out what it CAN be, while now defining forever what it NEEDS to be. Serial this year explained a deeply important topic in a way that wouldn’t have been possible through any other medium. They always say if you’re a writer you have to ask yourself what form of writing your idea needs to be. Don’t write a play that’s really a TV show, or a movie that should be a book. And now we can add to that don’t make a TV series that’s really a podcast. As Homecoming proved this year, the two mediums are very different and better equipped to tell different stories. And after hearing Serial Season Three I can’t imagine there will ever be a better way to explore the current American criminal justice system. It was 2018’s version of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. It may not change national food safety standards, but it hopefully will do something perhaps even more important: it will make us never again take lightly the election of local judges and sheriffs. It was a podcast for the heart, the head, and the time capsule.

4.) Black Mirror - “Hang the DJ” I know this technically came out December 29th 2017 but I’m counting it here because nothing was more 2018 than this. The sadness, the isolation, the uncertainty, the living in a world you don’t understand the rules of anymore, the unfairness of modern life, but the ultimate perseverance of hope and love: it’s all there in the best episode of Black Mirror’s third season. It made me cry out of sadness and happiness in equal measure. Could anything be more 2018 than that?

5.) Kesha at the Grammys Ok so maybe one thing was more 2018.

The Grammys, an organization led by Neil Portnow, a man who said this year that “women need to step up”, and an organization that didn’t offer its one female Album of the Year nominee a solo performance spot, also offered us 2018’s most powerful show of female solidarity and one of the most moving moments of the Me Too era. It all amounted to the perfect encapsulation of this year. Kesha scream crying and then collapsing into a sea of strong supportive women WAS 2018.

6.) Eighth Grade My favorite movie of the year was also the year’s best horror movie. It was so real, and visceral, and intense, and frightening that at times I literally had to remind myself to breathe. I watched at least half the movie through my fingers and on the edge of my seat. Proving what everyone who has lived through it already knows: there’s nothing in the world more terrifying than being in junior high.

7.) Big Mouth Speaking of junior high, the other side of the pain and trauma of growing up is humor, so why it took this long for someone to make a comedy series explicitly about puberty is beyond me. I guess, of course, making a show like this work is a fine needle to thread. It wouldn’t work without being animated and being on a streaming service that lets them go as far as they did. It wouldn’t work without writing that is both laugh out loud funny and deeply compassionate and human in equal measure. And it wouldn’t work without one of the best voice casts on TV, including a true tour de force from Maya Rudolph. But work does it ever. In a just world junior high health class homework would be simply watching this show.

8.) Emma Gonzalez speech Here’s how long 2018 was: this was from 2018.

Finishing off my personal 2018 Growing Up Trifecta is the most powerful 12 minutes of the year. That high school students could be more inspiring, articulate, and better leaders than the President of the United States is sadly, at this point, a given. But that they are now more effective and efficient than him at starting genuine political movements still feels revolutionary. The kids are our future, and our future has never looked brighter.

9.) Childish Gambino - “This is America” video 100 years from now if theres only one cultural artifact that still exists and is still remembered from 2018 this will be it. A “you know where you were the first time you saw it” level cultural event. No song will ever be more closely associated with its music video, and no music video will ever be more of an avatar for an entire cultural moment than this. THIS is, of course, a truly shocking and horrifying (in a good way) music video from the former fifth lead of the TV show Community. A profound and brilliant piece of art underscored by a fun-sounding dance song. The year’s most complex and important social-political message delivered in 4 minutes via YouTube. This is America indeed.

10.) Drake - “God’s Plan” video While Donald Glover may have perfected the music video as art form, it goes without saying that long ago Drake mastered the music video as promotional tool. And in that sense the music video for “God’s Plan” seems like minor failure. It seemed to sort of come and go from the culture, especially in light of the success of the In My Feelings Challenge. But for me, there was nothing more heartwarming and human this year than watching Drake give away almost a million dollars to strangers. It was an idea so simple it’s shocking no one had ever done it before. And so affecting I was shocked it didn’t seem to penetrate the public consciousness more. There’s so much going on at all times now it’s hard for anything to truly break through all the noise, but this really deserved to. It’s impossible to watch this without smiling, and is there anything 2018 needed more than that?

11.) Nanette The dumbest debate this year was whether or not Nanette was stand up. Form and genre aren’t delineators still worth discussing in 2018. It’s now only about the message and the messenger, everything else is just details. An important fresh voice, the most timely, and sadly, timeless message imaginable, delivered in a way that reached and deeply affected seemingly every person you knew? What is there to debate? Nanette may or may not be stand up comedy, but it’s definitely RISE UP comedy. And in the end, that’s all that matters.

12.) Amber Says What Please click on the link above. The final two minutes are by far the best comedy of 2018. It still makes me laugh so hard that it causes me physical pain. You’ve been warned.

13.) A Star is Born trailers A Star is Born is maybe a perfect film. The performances, the songs, the direction, the fact that there’s literally no human being on earth who could have played her part and made the movie work like it did other than Lady Gaga. It was all perfect. But there was actually something better than watching A Star is Born: anticipating watching a A Star is Born. Before the first A Star is Born trailer came out I thought the whole project sounded dumb and unnecessary. After I finished watching the first trailer I knew I was going to see A Star is Born opening night. True story: I was at a movie where the same A Star is Born trailer got played three times in a row for some reason. And it was riveting every time. There was no grumbling at all in the audience, and I for one was sad when it didn’t replay a fourth time. So as much as I loved A Star is Born what I would really love is be able to still want to see A Star is Born for the first time.

14.) Ariana Grande - “thank u, next” It’s genuinely impressive that a song released in November could be the song I listened to by far the most this year. Somehow it took less than two months for this song to feel completely ubiquitous. Hell, even the PHRASE “thank u, next” is omnipresent now. Forget Song of the Summer, this was maybe our first Song of the Winter. Which is perfect because has a hit pop song ever sounded more winter? It’s cold, but it keeps you warm. It’s the sadness of the holidays with the life reaffirming joy of the holiday season. It’s a sweater for you to wear on the dance floor. And it’s clearly exactly the song so many of us needed. No matter how many times I’ve heard it (and as I said, I’ve listened to it, uh, A LOT) its existence feels like a holiday miracle. Having a new and fresh take on the breakup song in the year 2018? That shit IS amazing.

15.) The proposal at the Emmys This is literally the only thing anyone remembers about this year’s Emmys. It was amazing, and special, and made anyone who watched it believe in true love. But for me it still cant touch the most heart-melting awards show moment of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCJrku4fSxk

(Was this whole entry just an excuse to link to one of my absolute favorite YouTube clips? Perhaps.)

16.) Succession When I saw the promos for Succession I literally made the sound UGH out loud. The last thing the world needs is another show about rich white people behaving badly, I thought. How could there possibly be anything original left to say on that topic? Who on earth is still greenlighting shows like this in The Year of our Lord 2018?

People much smarter than I am clearly, that’s who.

Because from writing, acting, production design, direction - whatever element you want to focus on - this was the best and most exciting new show of 2018 by a wide margin. People have been saying for years that TV is the new movies; this show made movies look like the old TV. It was the most vibrant and perfectly crafted big budget feature film of 2018, stretched out over 8 episodes on HBO. Did it have anything new and important to say about the world? Probably not. And turns out, I couldn’t have cared less. The phrase compulsively watchable might have been invented just to describe the world these actors and writers created. I would watch the team involved with this show dry paint. 

17.) Angels in America on Broadway Angels in America is the best play of the past 30 years and its not even close. So the fact that it would get a production that’s this good is just unfair for everyone else on this planet who makes theater. It was so good it made all other plays I’ve seen since seem small and cheap and unimportant. It was such a towering achievement that it has made the entire rest of theater as an art form seem insignificant by comparison. When you hear old people talk about seeing Brando in Streetcar or watching the original production of Death of Salesman I now can relate to what they are talking about. I’ll be thinking about Andrew Garfield’s final monologue for the rest of my life. It was unfair that we the audience had to all leave the theater when the lights finally came up and that we couldn’t all just live in that feeling forever. The eight hours I spent watching this play are what art is all about.

18.) Jesse Plemons in Game Night If dying is easy, and comedy is hard, then they should cancel the Oscars and give Jesse Plemmons Best Supporting Actor right now for his work in Game Night. And ok, maybe it wasn’t the BEST performance of 2018, but it was DEFINITELY the best performance relative to what it needed to be. It should have been a dumb throwaway part in a big-budget mainstream ensemble comedy. But Jesse Plemmons crafted a performance so strange and singular and memorable that it elevated the entire movie into something way better than I’m sure even its creators expected. I legitimately don’t know how everyone didn’t break in every one of his scenes. It’s a master class in the comedic power of silence. It should be studied in acting classes everywhere. And 20 years from now when Game Night is considered a comedy classic, Jesse Plemmons will be the main reason why. You heard it here first.

19.) The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships Saxophones? Electric guitar solos? Backing choirs? A concept album about being uncomfortable with the internet? Dumb pretentious song titles? This album couldn’t be any more in my wheelhouse if I made it myself. Its best song is basically a modern reimagining of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for God’s sake!

For me this wasn’t just an album, it was an experience. It was big music to get lost inside of. And I did. At age 36 it’s nice to know that sometimes I can still feel 16. And it’s fitting that a band named The 1975 would be the ones to make music that’s so transporting.

20.) Emma Stone Ok so as someone who once argued in this very space that Emma Stone deserved an Oscar nomination for Easy A, it’s clear I’m pretty deep in the tank for Emma Stone. But even an Emma Stone hater would have to admit than this was a banner year for Emma Stone. Signing up for the insane acting challenge that was Maniac and completely acing it while totally exposing two-time Oscar nominee Jonah Hill in the process? Going toe to toe with Olivia Colman in the battle of the best acting performances of the year in The Favourite? Coming across as more charming than Jennifer freaking Lawrence ?!?

2018 was Emma Stone’s year, we were all just living in it.

[littlelovelymemes]

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‘  when i figure out how to die without hurting my mom’s feelings it’s over for me, bitches  ’ ‘  420 stands for “4got 2 0pologize”  ’ ‘  all millennials do is commit minor felonies and be gay  ’ ‘  hoodies are one of the most powerful and underappreciated articles of clothing. cold? put on a hoodie. raining? put on a hoodie. no bra? put on a hoodie. nothing to wear? hoodie. cripplingly low self esteem? you already know. so versatile! so multifaceted!  ’ ‘  i thought christmas was like… next friday or something its in like 3 days fuck  ’ ‘  if you’re not in love with me by 00:00:00 jan 1 then just block me. i don’t need that kind of energy following me into the new year  ’ ‘  who needs ghosts? haunt your own house. wander around your own living room wailing and crying  ’ ‘  my kink is not opening messages and pretending theyre not there  ’ ‘  u know when ur growing out of phases and mindsets but u haven’t found where exactly ur shift in identity is going yet? that’s tonight’s mood  ’ ‘  me @ me: don’t start buddy don’t you dare  ’ ‘  there are people you haven’t met yet who will love you  ’ ‘  god knew what she was doing when she made bruno mars short if he had been tall he would be too powerful  ’ ‘  motivation? haven’t heard of her in years how she doin  ’ ‘  Do you think people with LED headlights know that everyone hates them? Like…really hates them in an oddly personal way? Do you think they know?  ’ ‘  and the final mood for 2017 is: you know those days where you’re like, this might as well happen?  ’ ‘  putting more importance into self care, spirituality, love and peace of mind. start with stretching and deep breathing.  ’ ‘  dont forget to tell someone you love that you love them, thank people who deserve to be thanked, be more patient on people having a hard time, be more considerate, understanding, and be kinder, always.  ’ ‘  do you think in the 1700s there were people who were like nah man Mozart’s a total sellout I only listen to peasants beating things with sticks it’s way more authentic  ’ ‘  2032 is gonna be my year just u wait  ’ ‘  I want a “I made a playlist for you” typa love  ’ ‘  @ 2018 the bar is literally so low  ’ ‘  Just because you don’t look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. Flowers are pretty, but so are sunsets and they look nothing alike.  ’ ‘  i have a “why am i like this” moment at least five times a day  ’ ‘  very sad to hear about donald trump. nothing happened to him i’m just sad to hear about him  ’ ‘  *me, eyes wide open at 3am* what happened to chandler bing once he got to yemen  ’ ‘  tonight’s mood is the deep desire to be held close in a dimly lit room, covered in blankets while rain is softly falling outside  ’ ‘  do ya ever bring your pet up to a mirror and ur like “that you”  ’ ‘  i guess im just too fucking dumb to lucid dream. cant ever realize im in a dream, i’ll look around me like damn i’m in my old elementary school and my teeth are falling out and im naked? well shit guess this is my life now. got fooled by my subconscious again lads  ’ ‘  u ever get no sleep and the next day ur body functions like the tumblr app  ’ ‘  you ever wonder how many people you’re in the “we’re friends but i would kiss you if you asked” club with  ’ ‘  is anyone else just going through life like “yeah i just gotta get past this last difficult week and then it’s smooth sailing from there!” but like… every week  ’ ‘  The only thing toxic that you should still be in contact with is that song Britney Spears made, because that song is lit.  ’ ‘  imagine if you named your kid dad. just dad.  ’ ‘  take care of yourself, please. i don’t know what id do if anything happened to you.  ’ ‘ crazy how personal growth can make you let go of people you swore you couldn’t live without.  ’ ‘  im in no position to have high standards but it doesn’t stop me  ’ ‘  you can start over at anytime. your day is not ruined. your world is not over. take a deep breath. start over.  ’ ‘  I’m gonna have a bomb ass life and I know it cause I’ve suffered so much and I know that wasn’t for no reason  ’ ‘  you ever just get in bed and ur like yep this is where i’m meant to be  ’ ‘  an unstoppable force (my love of books) meets an unmovable object (my lack of a desire to actually read anything)  ’ ‘  i just have this persistent feeling of “i’m not doing enough” combined with “i don’t have the energy to do anything” and it just really fucking sucks  ’ ‘  sorry I haven’t replied to ur texts I’ve been overwhelmed by literally anything that’s ever happened or will happen  ’ ‘  me when i see a wild animal in a metropolitan area: reclaim your space, we are the invaders, retake what is yours  ’ ‘  no offense but money would solve literally every single one of my problems. like all of them. i dont have a single problem that money wouldnt immediately solve  ’ ‘  i am not enough and it’s eating me alive  ’ ‘  what do u mean “what have i been up to” … i’m out here ruining my own life as always bitch  ’ ‘  always remember that love will always come back to u. in a different form, different person, different hobby, different touch. but in any way, love will always come back.  ’ ‘  The struggle between me wanting to be successful and me wanting to lay in bed 24/7  ’ ‘  If you play “Feeling Myself” by Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé at exactly 11:58:50 pm on New Year’s Eve, Beyoncé will say “World Stop” in 2017 and “Carry On” in 2018.  ’ ‘  Self care is putting absurd amounts of parmesan cheese on your pasta  ’ ‘  you ever just like “wow that’s my voice? people listen to this clown on a daily basis?”  ’ ‘  ravioli ravioli give me a reason to live  ’ ‘  finally worked up the courage to tell the starbucks girl she was beautiful and i only puked twice  ’ ‘  do i wanna know??? no. but thank u monkey friends  ’ ‘  hey this is kinda ns.fw but i wann h*ld your h*nd  ’ ‘  talent: overthinking  ’ ‘  have you ever had that feeling that you really wanna workout to get a flat stomach… but you also just wanna eat pizza and watch netflix.  ’ ‘  if you google eyebrows are you eyebrowsing  ’ ‘  *skips tutorial* how the fuck do you play this game  ’ ‘  Literally heard a convo at the library where a guy was telling a girl that he’s an omega and the girl telling him that she’s a beta, and my mind just did not automatically connect the context to fraternity pledge classes at all and I just whispered to myself “what the fuck?? What the fuck??”  ’ ‘  my hands? ready to be held  ’ ‘  Catch These Hands! with your hands. we’re holding hands now. this is nice  ’ ‘  kinda weird that u can think about someone as much as u want and they have no idea  ’ ‘  physically, yes, i could fight a bird. but emotionally? imagine the toll  ’ ‘  I would rather wander around a store for 9 hours than ask an employee where something is and this I do not understand  ’ ‘  my childhood, or, as i like to call it, the general abyss with one or two memories attached to it   ’ ‘  i know ‘gay’ isn’t an emotion but let’s be real,,,,,,,,,it kind of is and i feel it 24/7  ’ ‘  babe get ready for a night on the town, i just found an old Subway gift card and there’s still $9.45 left on it  ’ ‘  just because the past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to, doesn’t mean your future can’t be better than you ever imagined  ’ ‘  i’m the person who’s 100% down for spontaneous adventures but also 100% down to lay in bed all day. i’m on both ends of the spectrum  ’ ‘  this year has changed me more than I ever thought it would.   ’ ‘  it’s ok to disappear for a lil while and get your shit together.  ’ ‘  if you wanna love me hmu  ’ ‘  calling me baby makes me so freakin weak  ’ ‘  i’m that one guy on spongebob always screaming about his leg  ’ ‘  remember to drink a fucking shit ton of water every miserable day of ur life  ’ ‘  i just want someone who’s excited to make out with me and text me all the time.  ’ ‘  never apologize for your giant dogs getting overexcited, if i get taken down by a 100 pound mass of fluff then that’s how i go.  ’ ‘  when i figure out how to die without hurting my mom’s feelings it’s over for me, bitches  ’ ‘  THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45  ’ ‘  my blood is glow stick juice. thats why all my bones crack when i move.  ’ ‘  are cute dates and rough sex too much to ask for  ’ ‘  honestly, my goal in life is just to be a very warm person. i want to be as loving and as kind as i can be.  ’ ‘  just a small dumb bitch…. living in a lonely ditch  ’ ‘  you’re not selfish for wanting to be treated well  ’ ‘  when y'all fake conversations in your heads do you sometimes say random sentences out loud too? i was just tying my shoes and said very sternly and loudly “i DO know how ants work, fucker”  ’ ‘  true space facts: if u look up there it is  ’ ‘  anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms  ’ ‘  how am i sensitive and a bitch at the same time  ’

[20d02e35]

Test period

6th july 2018

1) mira texted, he said he didnt respond, but the her secong msg seemed like she was responding to his msg. Did he delete it?

2) found more info about ana that he did tell me. Firstly, he told me that ana came to house for the majlis syukur or wtv invited by his mom. But he didnt tell me that they celebrate father’s day with their dads. Secondly, he didnt tell me ana sent their picture together when she called, and he asked why. When clearly he promised he would not text his exes nemore, which he did, and promised me to tell me everything since he didnt tell me that she came for raya, so yes, he told me that ana texted him, but he didnt say that sent that photo. He didnt tell me ana posted. Picture of him and his dad.

3) he mentioned about my mouth has a smell, when all this time, he has been saying thag i have no problem with odour, what so ever. Never have. Suddenly now ada? Did u just started looking for problems for me? Cuz i will have all sorts of smell. N what? U’ll be turned off? U cant deal with me nemore?

10th july 2018

4) he is very calculative about money. What he is paying for needs to be for him and only for him. If he so happened paid for me, he will claim back the money. Even about netflix, he will not pay if he doesnt watch. He can spend hundreds and hundreds on mira, but on me, thats just not possible. Do u want me to ask for money from u? Is that it?

5) he didnt join me for aj’s dad funeral.he left me going alone all the way to selayang. Why you ask? Cause he wanted to “LAYAN TIDUR”. Do u have ne idea how stupid that is. I can imagine how it shows me most things i will have to do on my own, just cause he doesnt feel loke going up for it.

17th july 2018

I think he is seeing someone else. He said he is calling his mom, but he was in the room for quite sometime, when i check his calls, it was only 7mins. N i think i caught him with the same thing once before. I dont noe if its me or if its true. But im losing my mind on this.

20th july 2018

Bumped into him at the lift. I asked him what took him so long to get to the house? Since i saw him coming in for atleast about 30min ago when i was with bell at mynews. He said that he was lying down in the car. Then i said. I saw ur car seat, n there was nobody there. Then he said he pulled the chair back. N i said i saw the headrest. Then he changed the topic, he said,”i was talking to someone, or did u not see me? Did u?”. He was acting weird. I just kept quiet. Then he continued talking. He said that they saw each other and that girl was working at prima mini market. Then i told him i wanted to see it in his phone, cause i assumed he was talking on his phone, then he showed me his phone, ‘Lyn Prima U1’, i asked him again, who is she again? He repeated that she worked at prima. Then i asked who started the conversation? He said he did. Then i kept quiet, i think. I cant recall already. Just too angry and hurt. He pastored me about how he cant get over my past.. how its torturing him. He gets crazy upset when he sees guys looking at me, n how jealous he gets when he sees them. None of those i have done nething to trigger. Yet he can go around asking women for their number. Who the hell am i? A tree? I cant write anymore.

The end till next time.

[therewas-a-girl]

I was watching s1 of Arrow, bc it's on Netflix here (FINALLY) and... what happened to Laurel? She was so good in s1. WHAT WENT WRONG AFTER S1???????

Short answer - the writers think women are interchangeable, not really deserving to be treated as people and, really its easier to replace them (with the added bonus of the story they can squish out of their gruesome deaths), than say, spend brainpower to write them as humans, and allow the audience to built connections and empathy with them… and not just the whoever they are there to prop up. 

long answer… is longer, and a mess:

one of the ideas i have - one of them - is that, the whole idea behind the end of season one was that tommy’s death would affect both oliver and laurel. oliver by getting him not to kill anymore and laurel by being the ‘tragedy/loss/pain’ that would push her into becoming the Black Canary. 

(this is my intuition just from the way their journey was going, like, by following the narrative etc, and by knowing how these writers think, a little. like, what to them is the birth of a hero: death, loss tragedy. it bores me, generally, sure, but i know it when i see it.) 

i dont know what happened, but they seemed to change their minds - maybe halfway. or after s1 ended?… idk. and started casting calls for the Canary. tore laurel down to the freaking bone - and used her character to prop other characters, general at the expense of her development. or rather, her opportunities to bond the audience with her, build sympathy for her. because all those opportunities were used to build sympathy for whoever she was facing against.

(seriously, they gave laurel in s2 some emotional reactions to stuff that are so far from human emotions, i can hardly conceive of it. and im not talking about her cleaving at sara or oliver by the way. i think she had all the right in the world to feel all the rage in the world. im talking about how all her emotional reactions were framed as wrong/bad/over the top! as opportunities for oliver to act like a self righteous dick, his behavior framed by the story as ‘right’ and ‘just’. 

(i will never be over the fact that he said, to her face and utterly unironically, ‘i am still standing here, i have loved you half my life but im done running after you’ like it was an accusation, while she, and everyone else, had just found out - in laurels own home… at a dinner he was not invited to… - that he and sara were boning. like… “im fucking your sister, dropping you neck deep into the shit that is one of the most gruesome deja vu experiences in the history of ever, but how dare you be angry, you dont know whats happening in my life right now!!!! that’s obviously more important than YOUR feeling!!!”   meanwhile, im standing here o_O ???? is this walking dick foreal????), 

laurel framed as selfish? opportunity for her to apologize to sara instead of, idk, both of them forgiving each other for the fucked up things they did to each other???

[lmao i still laugh my ass off at how, in needing to frame sara less negatively for the whole ‘sleeping with her sister’s boyfriend’ thing - a gross device they used in s1 to to build sympathy for laurel; the writers did a whole ‘i saw oliver first’ thing with her, like that somehow means sara ‘planted the flag on him’ and that means something??? or gave her some sort of ‘get out of jail free card’ that essentially turned LAUREL in the boyfriend-thieving sister. LMFAO  how the tables turned!!! 

one of the most gross things arrow has done is the relationship between sara and laurel and the way they were pitted against each other - with oliver at the center. and im not saying that’s how i think of it - i like to think their issues went deeper and had fuckall to do with oliver’s dick, but that’s how the show framed it]. 

like, if there were scales, laurel would always be put on the lower one - you could tell they didnt respect her character much, because they always sacrificed it to make someone else look better. using laurel as the ‘bad guy’ to buy empathy/sympathy for some other character?) 

so, what went wrong? 

im fucked if i know. 

maybe nothing. plenty of people love laurel the way she is. including me: beautifully fucked up and flawed and, this is my idea, angry as fuck but still good. or trying to be. or maybe this is my version of laurel. as i have a version of all the characters i love - essentially everyone on the show, with the notable  exception of merlyn. 

maybe s2 was meant to be laurel’s ‘island’ - because according to arrow thats the only way to birth heroes. 

fake, that sounds. but okay. 

or maybe they thought nobody liked laurel and she wouldn’t work as the black canary anyway. so her replacement was premeditate, her journey, as some say, only a fulfillment of contractual obligations towards katie. 

or maybe the s2 journey/breakdown had been planned from the beginning?  

i don’t know. 

whatever the answer is, the result is still ??? and fucking stupid.

because the mantel was passed on from sara to laurel. sara gave laurel the proverbial jacket and went on her own way, without harm. having made up with her family, having gained her freedom (and then compromised it), having made up with her sister, redeemed herself in her own eyes and in the eyes of those she loved and who loved her. having started to see herself as a hero, and believe , finally , that she was one. or could be. 

regardless of the reason for sara’s existence, sara was and IS beautiful and so is her journey, because to me, hers is a journey of homecoming and hope.  

BUT - in s3 they killed sara regardless ??? 

even though the ‘hero mantel’ had been already passed…. and here is where i get utterly lost because, why? i dont know. i honest to god dont know.  these people put two canaries on our screen but couldn’t keep them there? neither one can live while the other one survives, apparently? there was absolutely no need for sara to die - and the shameful way she did die - NOW THAT’S WHERE I START GAINING INSIGHT - because it exposes the true nature of the writer’s hypocrisy and reasons: a woman who said the iconic line ‘no woman should suffer at the hands of men’ was murdered by a girl being controlled by a man to get TO another man, while sara was shoved into a trashcan and then a literal fridge.

this ^ is where it starts to get transparent.

like, maybe they didn’t try so hard with laurel because, they don’t try that hard with women in the arrowverse in general. 

maybe, they didn’t really know how to write laurel like a person, out of the archetype she was built to be. a woman written by and FOR the kind of people that think its important to give her stuffed bras to puff up her breasts does not bode well for her future.

i would however like to take a moment to point out the fucking hypocrisy of them reinforcing, in dinah, this whole ‘defender of women’ thing that they had going with sara AFTER WHAT THEY DID TO SARA ^^^ !!! they are trying so fucking hard to copy paste the traits of the ‘successful canary’ (whom they still killed) onto dinah, (perhaps even as a way to distance her from the ‘unsuccessful canary’) – but every time dinah says something like that, i cant help but be reminded of sara and what these same writers did to her AND HOW HYPOCRITICAL THAT MAKES HER LINES SOUND, KNOWING WHERE THEY COME FROM. like, generally the reaction i have is  -

WITH YOUR FUCKING VILLAIN MUSTACHE! 

I SEE YOU!

ps: i do not like the trend i notice that heroines are more easily accepted as heroines in arrow, when they mirror Oliver’s journey to heroism.  sara did; then her latest reincarnation - dinah - mirrored sara’s. (they tried to do it with Laurel, Felicity. in a kind of way even with diggle - though that might be a stretch)  it’s one of the reasons, i think, that sara and dinah are more successful with the fandom? they fit the mold more easily. easier to box in, pin down. their reasons, internal pushes, are easier to grasp - because they mirror the hero’s. and the hero gets plenty of exposition, and we are also basically programmed to empathize with him.

while its seems harder for people to accept that other kinds of journeys for women - not because it is harder, but because then they’d have to figure out the internal workings of these women who are DIFFERENT from the hero. people would have to really THINK about it, and generally, i find that’s not a natural inclination , when it comes to the internal worlds of people who are not the white male (presented as straight despite various queer!baiting flags) hero. 

There are other forms of journeys, motives - that would be just as brilliant as Oliver’s - or generally the ‘tragedy-born’ hero’s. And that would fit the personality of the characters better, individualize them more, make them stand out on their own. Like Laurel’s need to do good, her disappointment with the system and want to fix it, keeping a different moral code from the others. Felicity’s plain need to make an impact, do something with her life, just because. No need for ‘dark arcs’ cause that’s just how she was born as. 

But that’s a journey that would require energy to absorb, something one would have to figure out for themselves, whole watching, oftentimes even making it up, imagining it. and yeah, most ppl just dont bother. 

[meme-sauce]

Hi! What are some other reasons you dont like thirteen reasons why? People tell me to watch it but idk im not really sure? Id love to hear the other side too. (Love your blog btw)

Hi! Thank you! I’ve gotten a few of these in my ask box so I’m officially answering this one, but it’s for everyone else who asked too. There’s a lot of anger in here but it’s not directed at you anon! Just the book. (Please keep in mind I have not watched the show, nor do I intend to, so most of these are based on the book. This will also contain spoilers.)

1) Hannah Baker is a selfish hateful bitch. I really hate the B word, but honestly, I dont know what else to say. All suicides are selfish honestly, but she killed herself out of straight spite. She even says that its for revenge. Yes, there were some god awful things that happened, but she destroyed her family, her future, and honestly herself just so she could get back at the people that hurt her. Pathetic. I had a friend who’s client killed themselves, and they were devastated. It wasn’t even a person in their family and they couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. I could never imagine butting my family through that just to get revenge, and make people feel bad for fucking me over. 2) Basing off that, Hannah blames everyone for her suicide except for her own damn self.  Every single one of the issues she talked about sucked, but they could have been solved in so many ways other that suicide (again, I can not believe someone would do that to their family and friends.). If she talked to the people, or went to a real counselor, or did fucking online schooling whatever, she could have avoided it. There so many options she could have taken to better her self, but she allowed what people had done to her to control her. She uses the tapes to show how other people caused her suicide, but her hand was always the one on the trigger. 3) Blame of other people brings me to my next point, which is basically the same as number two only more specific to the School Counselor. I honestly cant remember his name right now, Mr Porter?  I have no clue so Ill just call him SC. This poor dude. He’s just a school counselor, but suddenly he’s the most responsible for her death? She says on that tapes that he’s the only person standing between her and suicide. What kind of god awful burden to put on somebody?? Who fucking does that?? Tells someone they’re the only thing stopping them from killing themselves?? Gross people that’s who. And the real kicker is, she didn’t even tell him. She didn’t even tell him half of the whole story. She said there was sexual things that happened with a guy, didn’t tell him if it was rape or not, and when he offered solutions, she wasn’t open to them. The poor dude did his best, but when who you’re talking too won’t help themselves, there’s really nothing more you can say. He told her to move on, because she wouldn’t press charges or even talk about what happened, and she twisted his words into inspiration to kill herself. And in the book, they talk about how horrible he is for that!!! She tells him he can take the tapes to hell, Clay calls him awful or something. He did his best with what she told him!! And even then, it is not his responsibility to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. Yes, counselors should help, but saying he was the one thing standing between her and her death is???? Crazy??4) This takes me to my next point. Clay. Clay Clay Clay. This whole time, shes talking about people who wronged her, and Clay is wondering how he got on the list. So when it gets to his tape, I’m like “Okay cool maybe the Author will explore the grey areas in this book, and how even good people can do bad things, or about how people you expect to be good can really fuck up, accidentally or on purpose, or fuck maybe it’ll only be a little thing and the author can use it to show how even small actions can impact a person (I wouldn’t say to a point of SUICIDE, but just show the impacts)” but then the tape comes on and its “Clay you don’t deserve to be on this list. You’re the odd one out”. How, fucking, convenient. Our Hero Clay Jensen, who didn’t do anything wrong!! He is exempt from all of her hate so we can have a likable main character. Wonderful. I rolled my eyes his entire chapter. 5) OH Also! talking about Clay’s tape, let’s also talk about (again), Hannah’s absolute fuckery when it comes to dealing with her problems. Literally pushes away anyone who could help her. She doesn’t even want to be helped, and at this point, shes going to twist every damn thing someone says to fit her own self justifying agenda. She says people caused her suicide, but she caused it her self by allowing it to happen. She didn’t help herself, even when she could, and wont take responsibility. Also, she fucking traumatized this poor boy for the rest of his life by making him listen to all the awful things on a set of tapes “he didn’t belong on”. Fuck off Hannah Baker. 6) The book is plain unrealistic. This is less of a character thing and more of something I noticed the second time i read it and it just made me hate it more. First off, literally no one does that shit. No one gives a fuck in high school. if someone cares enough to tell everyone that Justin felt up Hannah on the playground, no one is gonna care enough to believe it. When was the last time you heard a rumor about a girl getting felt up and went  “ wow this must be true what a slut I hate her”. It’s also unrealistic in the sense of the way it portrays depression, which is very poorly and Ill get to that more later. When I’m depressed I can’t even get out of bed, much less orchestrate an entire guilt trip with cassette tapes. Also the fact that Clay knows every single person on those tapes and their backstories despite having very different social groups as them? I’m not buying it. 7) It’s portrayal of depression and suicide. It makes it seem like its this beautifully sad pain. No. False. depression is like,  not getting out of bed because you’re physically unable too. It’s not taking a shower for weeks. It’s crying at two AM for no fucking reason. Miss me with this “I began to see the beauty in giving up” bullshit. You want to show suicide? Show what really happens. the wreckage people leave behind. Jay Ashter or whatever his name is goes into it a little bit when he’s talking about how her parents left for weeks and how the school counselor looked when he found out, but thats about it. Mainly it talks bout why she killed herself and how other people caused it, but not a realistic version of what the aftermath actually entailed. People, especially young people,  might look at this without knowing the true consequences of suicide or impacts of depression and get the wrong idea; namely they killing yourself is a revenge tactic to make everyone see how right you are and feel bad about what they did. Depression isn’t romantic emptiness and suicide isn’t a way to get revenge. It’s a serious issue and it just felt so… empty.8) While I’m not 100% sure, I’ve heard that not only does the Netflix series show the suicide, but also a really long rape scene. Can anyone say Yikes. Lets create a show about mental health and things that cause it,and then not give a fuck how said show will impact viewer’s triggers and mental health. There’s more but this post is already long as hell so I’ll end it here. I’m not the best writer, so there are some concepts that may have gotten muddled and not thoroughly explained, So i apologize for any misunderstandings someone gets if my words aren’t clear enough. I think you get the concept though.

[flavorednarry]

who do you think the album is about then ? his ex secret girlfriend ? 😂

well…. tbh, i’ve never really spared much thought on “which mysterious girl” must’ve influenced those lyrics cuz, i kinda find them relatable to my own breakup.. so for me, it has always been like- hmm.. yeah.. i get it Niall.. thank you for sharing.. hope you get to move on asap cuz you deserve so much better than this.. love you. i guess i personally dont wanna give any importance to the ‘ex’.. what’s more important is the lessons you learn from your experience and how you turn them into your strengths..

but since you’ve followed up with this ask in my inbox, i pondered over it quiet a lot.. and here’s how it went *bear with me*:

to begin with, lets rewind back to when nolo was being concieved.. niall was 22, free from the hectic 1D schedule for the first time in 5 years.. aka the first time he got a real opportunity to reflect back upon his life since that xfactor audition kicked off..

try to place yourself in his shoes and think.. you’re most likely to relish in your achievements for the first few weeks.. then you come down from your high and the reality of a normal life routine hits you.. you try to cope with it for few weeks but get extremely bored.. so you plan a long getaway trip with your friends.. you get to look at the world from a different perspective.. you enjoy it.. maybe you spot honeymooners among fellow tourists.. and wonder.. these locations are indeed so scenic.. wish i too had someone to romance with :) but, YOU DON’T have anyone! oh the woes of being single! anyways.. so here you are having a personal moment, feeling inspired and so you pen down some lyrical notes in your leather-bound book..

you try to look back into your past and think about the time when you had an active lovelife.. NOW, if i think about the known bits of his love-life, only Holly and Celine come to my mind.. sure, there were others who were rumored to be his girlfriends at various points of his 1D (aka mostly teenage) life.. but, hear me out-

CELINE is certainly not the inspiration for Flicker cuz she arrived in June 2016 and Niall started writing songs in March 2016 viz. soon after he came home from his south-east-asia trip.. and according to Niall, he was in a good song-writing phase at that time.. he wrote This Town, Flicker, Too Much To Ask during this phase..

so, let’s think about these lyrics.. he says This Town is obviously inspired by his hometown Mullingar.. and the lyrics have a duality in a sense that you can relate them to the literal town itself or to your ex/first-love.. in Niall’s case, it could easily be Holly.. their relationship was out in the open, all over the internet when they were 16 and he had just hit enormous popularity on txf as a contestant.. if you look further, you’ll find Niall himself stating on television that they mutually broke-up because they didnt wanna endure the pain that came with the long-distance relationship on account of his success at txf..

CUT TO 2016! he’s gone through and lived his popstar life for six years and is now back home, being the same down-to-earth local irish lad but without Holly this time.. the reason they decided to break-up doesnt exist anymore.. and yet, he cant have her back cuz, she’s moved on.. and graciously! he is genuinely happy for her.. they are still in touch with each other through mutual school friends, he spots her every now an then whenever he’s in Mullingar or Dublin.. and why wont he? after all, they used to hangout in the same pubs with same friends back in the day.. and there are- what? 26 pubs within one mile radius in Mullingar? *gasp* you dont say!

so yeah.. imagine him longing for that selfless-innocent love-life.. its only natural for Niall to cookup an au where he can have the same Holly back as his gf..

My heart is hopingYou’ll walk right in tonightAnd tell me there are things that you regret‘Cause if I’m being honest I ain’t over you yetThat’s all I’m askingIs it too much to ask?

He also said

Too Much To Ask

is actually what happened after

Flicker

When you lay there and you’re sleepingHear the patterns of your breathingAnd I tell you things you’ve never heard beforeAsking questions to the ceilingNever knowing what you’re thinkingI’m afraid that what we had is goneThen I think of the startAnd it echoes a sparkAnd I remember the magic electricityThen I look in my heartThere’s a light in the darkStill a flicker of hope that you first gave to meThat I wanna keepPlease don’t leavePlease don’t leave

.. so i guess this could be them thinking of breaking up and him secretly being selfish and hoping (back in 2009) for a future reunion (viz. present day 2016).. he couldnt say that out loud cuz they were so young and he probably thought he’d move on and find someone else so, better not to keep Holly hanging, right?

And now, coming to all those rumored girlfriends he’s had during 1D era.. i dont know about about all of them.. but, amy, ellie, barbara, melissa, selena are few of the names that floated around.. each of them latched on to him most likely due to his fame.. if any of them were indeed dating him seriously, none of them could probably keep up with his vivacious personality, his loyalty towards that anglo-irish friend circle, his constant on-the-road life, etc. that ultimately led to insufficient boyfriend time, which obviously none of them were okay with.. neither would you be if you were a teenager.. so none of those supposed 'girlfriends’ hold dear to niall’s ailing heart imo.. certainly not enough for him to write a break-up song about.. plus, he’s good friends with almost all of them even today (his instagram activity checks that out)..

BUT, maybe he reflected back upon these casual relationships too to look for inspiration when he hit that “bad-song-writing” phase he talks about.. maybe it was during this phase that he realised that he was looking back at his teenage love-life from an “adult” Niall Horan’s point-of-view.. maybe it was during this time that he sat along with other songwriters and bounced off ideas.. maybe it was during this phase that he decided to take a back-seat on the lyrics front and focus on writing melodies instead.. maybe it was during this time that they wrote songs like On the Loose and Mirrors. Maybe this was also the time he remembered watching House of Cards on netflix.. maybe that was when he probably flipped the title and wrote down Paper Houses in his notebook.. and then came across the note during these writing sessions and they wrote the song around it? maybe by now he was in “good” song-writing zone again and thus songs like The Tide and On My Own were born? I remember him saying they wrote On My Own in a frustrated drunken state.. there was a lot of shouting of lyrics in the studio.. they were letting out their frustration with their single-lives and lack of good inspiration i guess LOL..

Anyways, going back to speaking of “Niall Horan - the adult’s perspective”.. i guess this version of Niall was also curious to know whether Holly or any of his ex’s suffered heartbreak the way he did.. he probably wanted to include the girl’s point of view as well on his album, especially after all that venting out they did in previous songs, it’s only fair to hear out stuff about heartbreak from the other end, right? He’s a 21st century lover after all.. believes in equal opportunity.. understands that relationships and heartbreaks are a two way thing.. maybe this is when he really looked up to the talent that is Ruth Anne Cunningham.. cuz, i find it hard to believe that Niall or any man would conjure up lyrics that resonate so well with a girl’s point of view without having a female co-writer on board.. so here we are with beautifully written songs such as Seeing Blind, Fire Away, You and Me and Since We’re Alone ! Also, since we are on the topic of Niall being a gentleman, you cant ignore the lyrical play of words in Slow Hands -

“We should take this back to my place”That’s what she said right to my face

can you? Throughout the slow-hands-promo-tour he has been saying, they wanted to twist the song’s sexy vibe and have those words being said from a girl’s point-of-view..

To conclude, Niall has said in his interviews, there was certainly only one girl who he wrote songs about for his album and then there were other songs which are not derived from his personal life but are more inspired by people he is surrounded by in his day-to-day life.. some of them maybe about ex’s of his friends who share the same sentiment of breakup as he does.. we’ll probably never know their names and I personally dont think I need that bit of information.. what am i going to do about it? nothing.

If you read this thoroughly, thank you for your patience! :)

[welcome-to-sanjis-shitty-kitchen]

My thoughts on Voltron season 2

Man i have a lot to say about Voltron season 2.... but i'll hold most of it off because i thought up an entire 10 page essay in my head and im to lazy to fill it all out. Despite my thoughts in the stuff i reblogged it was a good season, i mean the comedy was great, and only felt forced around Lance sadly. But it felt off? Like super weirdly paced and when they started going back to gather material for the whatever name that gravity ring thing was it felt so final. Like this was the end of Voltron, and then you realized you're on the last episode and you never got the things dreamworks promised. I took the things they said lightly because i'm used to being disapointed but i felt like there was such missed oppertunities, like when that alien machinery thing came to life again on Balmera. Wouldn't it have be better if they introduced Alluras magic there and she kicked it's ass by herself instead of being a damsel in distress? But also Keith, oh Keith man, i'm so disapointed we got all that shit with Keith, he was so desperate and fought for what he wanted to know only for Keith to be like "shit boi i don't need my past cause i'm a great paladin and this is my family now" i'm okay with how it turned out that he threw it away but i'm super sad we didn't get more, like just a bit more info would have suficed. The things surrounding Shiro, Pidge, Allura and Hunk i'm suprisingly okay with, also bless Gordon Ramsey Hunk. When i think about everything, let it sink in, it was decent, weirdly paced but decent. Only wished for more character and more actual bonding with eachother. I get that they have a very important task at hand and have to do that and not "bond" but... the times they were waiting for something or was doing something else why not slap in some characters discussing or interacting. It felt like it was just about the fight itself, and not the characters this time. AND MY BIGGEST PROBLEM is Lance....oh Lance....barely no screen time at all, and when he did he was being flirty or fucking around, like a goof, like he was a joke. That all he did in this season was being comic relief. And his only conflict being that he feels left out because he feels that his not good enough which is important by the way, but got played off as he got one comment from Shiro that he did good. Also remember how i sad that comedy involving Lance felt forced? It was super cringey tbh, like it didn't fit in, like Lance explaining the plan, it was goofy af, i felt like it could have been a better option that Lance recited it perfectly in detail and that they would be impressed with him instead. And he could have had a snarky comment on how he actually listens sometimes. He also bothered to learn the Altean clock and kinda proudly told them for them to blow it off as nothing important.... just.... he deserves more. What was suposed to be fun, flirty and quirky Lance just felt so off, either like he was completely dumb and cant read a situation or that his a stranger trying to fit into a group. It was just weird for me, overall good season, a lot of main goal plot, character wise it sucked though. Im just disapointed and salty about a lot of things, hopefully season 3 will fix it. Notice how i didn't bring up any ships? Cause yeah newsflash assholes, your personal opinion on a ship being the reason the series is bad is not real fucking critique. I'm as upset as any Klance shipper and i'm honestly happy for the sheith fandom but you guys need to chill, Klance shippers need to stop attacking with the brother line because that can mean fucking anything tbh and nothing is clear. And Sheith shippers need to get off their high horse and claiming shit is canon when litterly nothing fucking happen. Also its not a coincidence keith thought up that hologram of Shiro since he knew Shiro was the only one there with him that knew. It wouldnt make any sense for him to imagine someone else. Shit i wrote alot anyways....i fucked up but i had too. Can't get it out of my head, my friend hasn't watched it yet, but i did cause bless netflix. It also kept starting the episodes with swedish language since i'm fucking swedish and i almost puked every episode cause the dub was horrible, i had to slam pause and change to english as soon as the episode started cause i almost threw up.