#imagine if he just start spitting bars HAHAHAHA

[chichariann]

OKAY WAIT I HAD AN INSANE THOUGHTFKRKSKSK WHAT IF WHAT IF IN THE LIGHTNING THIEF LOTUS CASINO SCENE

Hermes: Demigods, welcome–

Percy: Hey he looks kinda like–

Hermes: Lin Manuel Miranda?

[dantelionwishes]

life is full of ups and downs downs downs downs dow

loredump under the cut. not kidding when I say its gonna be long!

oh shit you actually clicked keep reading thank you for your interest 😭😭😭

YOU KNOW THE DRILL tw // suggestive dont read ahead if youre uncomfortable with the topic of aphrodisiacs! 

MIDDLE SCHOOL 

before anything, I gotta explain he was born to parents who had an infatuation quirk (makes them hardcore fall in love with you) and an infection quirk (transmits a virus via saliva)  

developed his quirk late, since they usually get it by the time kids are four 

most people knew him as quirkless before the first incident 

in middle school, his class was preparing for a school play, he and his classmate got cast as the main lead prince and princess 

coincidentally, they both had a crush on each other and had a scene where they kissed

technically they weren’t supposed to, since its just a play, but one time they were practicing in private and wanted to try kissing “for real”

so they shared a super giggly cute middle school first kiss but well UNFORTUNATELY FOR HIM HIS QUIRK HAD WELL DEVELOPED– 

BADABING BADABOOM YOU HAVE AN IMAGINATION USE IT

the only way for the quirk’s effects to go away is to come at least once or pleasuring yourself until it goes away

I DO NOT WANT TO IMAGINE IT BUT. IMAGINE BEING A TEACHER AND FINDING A MIDDLE SCHOOLER WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO HER AND AN ADULT IS FORCED TO TELL HER HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY LLLLIKE–

rip now that I’m thinking abt it, I don’t even think anybody would even kNOW HOW TO MAKE IT GO AWAY so lets imagine she painfully stays that way until they figure out how to make it stop :^(

there’s a big fight that happens between the teachers, principal, and parents of both parties 

of course the crush’s parents got mad and called their kid a fuckin uhhhhh sexual predator or some shit despite also beING THE SAME AGE AND NOT EVEN KNOWING ABT HIS OWN QUIRK LIKE HELLLO

obviously an incident like this is going to spread like wildfire but the principal does not want something like this to leak, especially since it was not on purpose and was a total accident 

the other kid’s parents and some teachers did not feel comfortable however, and sato was forced to drop out

but not wanting to spread the gossip about their son’s quirk and the incident, they leave the town and move someplace else

thankfully, the principal gives the sato family his good grades and a recommendation to a decent highschool for the trouble

they’re originally from osaka, but moved to tokyo 

this is where they start taking precautions with sato, basically teaching him to be careful with his saliva 

it was easily taught and learned esp since the mom was already like that around him and others everyday anyway!! she has to take care of her saliva-based infection quirk, after all 

HIGH SCHOOL

he got enrolled into a regular highschool in tokyo

no hero course, no support course, no business, just a regular ol’ school

if before, he loved surrounding himself with people, this was where he was forced to develop a lonely disposition to protect himself and others

at least his parents were very protective and supportive of him and they were generally a happy family!

but in school, pretending to be quirkless was just as difficult, getting bullied or pitied for having no special abilities 

his excuse for wearing a mask all the time was because his mother had a virus-related quirk, and had to be careful 

one day his dad was suddenly got really, really sick

the more he had an excuse to wear a mask because he didnt want to get whatever disease his father started to develop 

sato started thinking it could be his mother (but why?) the results didn’t say anything about an unknown virus killing him (which is his mom’s quirk), and that his father really did contract a strong yet very normal disease 

while on his second year in highschool, his father, yozo sato, died 

apparently, without him knowing anything about his parents, his mother, oba sato, was actually under the dad’s infatuation quirk this whole time

she realised she wasn’t really in love with him when oba had accidentally allowed a drop of her saliva to fall into the meal she was making him, making him sick, and therefore making him weak enough to deactivate his quirk on her 

oba, back in her college years, wanted to marry someone else but yozo, who had a crush on her wanted her to himself, used his quirk to make him fall in love with her 

so in revenge for making her put up with him all these years to the point of marriage and having a kid, she continued to do this to his food 

her quirk doesn’t make anybody sick enough to die, but it made her husband’s immune system weak enough to the point that it contracted a real, serious disease which he ended up dying from instead 

sato only finds out the real story when he graduates from highschool, days right after his graduation the mom confesses it all 

she does say she truly loves him, but can’t stay around him knowing he was technically “unconsensual love”

sato gets reminded of what his quirk does, and true enough, that’s what him and his quirk turned out to be (a sick combination of his mom and his dad) 

they cant bear to be around each other after that revelation and decide to just not see each other again 

COLLEGE YEARS

he enrolls into an education course, inspired by the kind principal who helped him finish his middleschool-highschool education when it all started going downhill 

sato struggles paying for his college fees esp since he doesn’t exactly have his parents supporting him anymore, nor any contact with immediate family 

he has a lot of part time jobs that go all around the clock, he continues pretending to be quirkless so he gets bullied, and has to deal with all that emotional baggage plus being alone so…….clearly my man is TIRED as hell 

his side job hustles include: convenience store cashier, bookstore attendant, bar bouncer, and rookie gym trainer (he went to the local gym long enough for him to get recommended a job as a trainer)

college was that point where he starts developing a hardcore yearning for a companion because oh my god hes so lonELY (but cant)

ANYWAY SO

there’s this bully guy who always picks on him in college (for being “quirkless” and a loner and overall a fuckin weirdo with a mask)

tbh sato doesnt really give a shit he’s so used to it but he doesnt have his mother as an excuse to wear the mask anymore, this is where he starts forming the “I have bad breath” excuse 

���口臭い” (kuchi kusai) translates to “bad breath” or “stinky mouth” so sato unlovingly gets nicknamed “kusato”

one day he’s walking around the campus at night and finds the bully with his gang cornering another quirkless student, with plans of assaulting her 

sato was never the hero type, and was about to ignore the commotion as to not get involved, but something in him moved on its own and he found himself face to face with the gang 

he confronts them, but the bully mocks both him and the girl for not having powers to stop them anyway 

SIKE BITCH sato’s able to easily strike the other two guys, knock them off their feet enough to be able to tug the to-be victim aside, telling her to report them, before asking her to run away as fast as she can

none of the guys want that (they’re all students) so they have a full on brawl (and this isnt hero academy, its a totally normal university so I wouldn’t assume these guys had very impressive quirks)

except the main bully actually has a pretty decent quirk (he’s like a kinda half human half dragon with sharp claws, scales, and dragon eyes) and gets to injure sato with his sharp claws, seriously injuring his face

a part of his ear is also sort of sliced off, which is how his mask gets accidentally removed in the process 

the dragon bully grabs him by the collar and starts angrily shouting at him for ruining his night, being able to do all this shit without a quirk and all and all other derogatory speech 

“Well? what do you have to say for yourself?!“ 

Sato stays silent before spitting right into the bully’s mouth 

The bully drops him immediately, about to angrily fuck him up for doing something super fucking gross but WHOOP WHOOP YOU KNOW WHATS BOUTTA HAPPEN the quirk works immediately and the bully is a TOTAL MESS on the ground 

Im going to TLDR this part cos its…obviously nsfw but like: sato fully embarrasses him in public (beside the bully’s two colleges nonetheless) 

sato stays in the hospital for some time to heal from his wounds 

fortunately, afterwards, the bullies all get expelled 

unfortunately for sato, he also gets expelled for engaging in bad behaviour, and the bully did say what happened to him (and the college principal did not want his…dangerous quirk on campus) so as to lower any incident, all four were expelled 

at least without having to pay for college fees anymore, he could fully focus on paying for food, shelter, and clothes 

minus of course the hospital bills needed to pay plus he got a sick ass scar from it anyway HAHAHAHA BSDJHJRHDHF

ADULT LIFE

he had a lot of jobs here and there, but was more or less doing best as a trainer at a local gym where people weren’t allowed to use their quirks and strengthen their body regularly 

a few years went by and he eventually shrugged off everything that happened in his final college years but one day someone familiar walked into the gym! It was the fellow college student he saved!!!

she became a policewoman who wanted to get stronger in this quirkless friendly gym and hadn’t given up on her dreams of being a “hero,” inspired by how sato saved her that day

sato never really saw himself as some hero, he was left many nights alone thinking about how easily he could become a villain with his quirk, so hearing that really made him happy 

he trains her as her gym coach and she eventually asks him to join her patrol this small part of the city from a gang that was currently going around doing crimes since he’s good at it anyway, saying she could use some extra hands hehe

so yeah!! he does this side gig with her where he patrols alongside her looking for gang crimes and such c:

AND ONE DAY. [WISTFUL SIGH] ONE DAY. HE FINDS SOMEBODY GETTING MUGGED BY A GANG MEMBER AND SAVES………A CERTAIN MAN–

thank you for reading all the way here!!!

feel free to ask for questions or for any clarifications 😭😭😭!!!!!!

[daemour]

You’re Still My Universe pt. 1

Title: You’re Still My Universe

Pairing: Jinyoung x ???? to be determined GOT7 Member

Genre: Fluff, hint of angst, parent au

Warnings: Sexual jokes

Word count: 1849 lol

Summary: Jinyoung's life is devoted to his son. But the first time he's been separated, so many other people barge into his life and start taking up what little free time he has left.

Honestly this is me winging it so hahahaha i suffer every day

--

“Yugyeom, you can’t go out like that,” Jinyoung almost hisses at the young child but manages to hold onto his last shred of patience. “We wear pants outside of the apartment. Pants, Yugyeom. Pants.” With each word, Jinyoung emphasises more and more.

The little demon that Jinyoung called his son turns around with a big grin on his tiny face. “Pants are stupid!” God, how could he look so innocent and endearing at this moment? Jinyoung could rip his own hair out but Yugyeom was smiling at him with such a sweet grin.

“They are very stupid, but we must wear them, all right, Yugyeom?” To Jinyoung’s relief, Yugyeom finally skids to a stop on the floor, slipping a little because of his, quite frankly, adorable bunny socks that he received for his birthday. “Can you go put on pants for me? Then we can go to the park as I had promised.”

Yugyeom nods, still with a smile on his face, and runs off toward his room. Jinyoung practically collapses into the bookshelf. Why Yugyeom had so much energy, even more so as a four–year–old, confuses the hell out of him. But he loves his son.

The day he had gotten custody of the one–year–old whose mother (and Jinyoung’s ex) had died in a car crash, Jinyoung had fallen in love. The tiny child had looked up at him and asked where ‘mama’ was and Jinyoung swore that he would take care of this child to the best of his ability. Yugyeom managed to surprise him every day, and Jinyoung often surprised himself with how he dealt with Yugyeom being a child.

“Daddy!” And there is his little hell child again, tearing through the halls once again. Yugyeom runs straight into the side of the couch, and Jinyoung almost laughs at the sight. “Can we go now?” Yugyeom is practically undented, getting up just as quickly as he fell over and coming over to tug at his father’s hand.

Jinyoung just sighs, letting his son drag him over to the coat rack. It was hung way too low, but Yugyeom had insisted that he be able to reach it. He’s just whipped for his son, letting Yugyeom help him put on his scarf. “Ready to go, Gyeomie-ah?” Jinyoung smiles down at his son, who nods eagerly.

“I wanna go to park!” Jinyoung laughs out loud, eyes crinkling. Yugyeom has no time for his father’s adoration though, he has an agenda, and that agenda is to go to the park. Jinyoung opens the door, letting Yugyeom pull him out.

“Wait a little, Yugyeom, I’ll need to lock the door.” Yugyem huffs a little, but ever obedient, waits, tapping his foot impatiently. Looks like Yugyeom has picked up a couple of his father’s habits. Jinyoung finally finishes up, and Yugyeom almost immediately takes off like the hellspawn he is. Thankfully, Jinyoung was now used to his son’s abundant energy and takes Yugyeom’s small hand in his.

“Baby, you can’t run off like that, all right? I don’t want to lose you,” Jinyoung reprimands gently, and Yugyeom nods, though he was more focused on sucking on his bottom lip wetly to try to make a fart noise. Jinyoung sighs. He’ll just have to keep a closer eye on the kid.

The park is almost a block away, and Jinyoung has to refrain from scooping Yugyeom up on the sidewalk. He’s always been wary about letting Yugyeom near cars after what happened to his mother. What if dying in a car crash ran in DNA? He knows he’s being too cautious, but Jinyoung didn’t want to lose Yugyeom.

“Daddy, you have a stupid grin,” Yugyeom chirps from beside Jinyoung, sweaty hand still grabbing onto his father’s palm. Jinyoung thinks maybe he could throw Yugyeom to the wolves instead.

“Don’t be mean, Yugyeomie-ah,” Jinyoung half-heartedly scolds the child. He’s too soft on him, honestly. It’s shown when Yugyeom pays no heed, instead just pressing his mouth to Jinyoung’ hand and licking it. Jinyoung can feel a little bit of his soul die.

Thankfully, they reach the park with no more licking or insults from Yugyeom, and Jinyoug lets Yugyeom’s hand go with only a little hesitation. Yugyeom, though, has no hesitation and immediately streaks toward the swing set. Jinyoung has no trouble keeping up thankfully, the swing set is straight ahead and Yugyeom isn’t doing any weaving between people.

The park is actually pretty empty, it being a weekday. Yugyeom didn’t start school for another two years, and Jinyoung was ready to monopolise his time with his son. He couldn’t even imagine a world without his son now that he took care of him. Yugyeom was all he needed.

“Daddy, come push me!” And it may be a little selfish, Jinyoung thinks as he makes his way over to his son, it may be a little selfish but he wants to be the only one Yugyeom depends on. As Yugyeom smiles up at him, head hanging back like it might drop off, Jinyoung’s heart almost melts.

He just loves his son. “Yugyeom-ah?” Yugyeom turns back, legs kicking in the swing.

“Yeah, Daddy?”

“I love you.” Yugyeom squeals and makes grabby hands at Jinyoung, and Jinyoung, always soft for his son, takes his little hands and kisses them.

“I love you too!” Yugyeom slurs out the words, leaning forward and giving Jinyoung a big, wet kiss on the hand as well. A very wet kiss. But Jinyoung loves it anyway, giggling and pressing one more kiss to the top of Yugyeom’s head. This time Yugyeom sighs with a little pout. “Daddy, I wanna be pushed.”

Jinyoung barks out a short laugh, returning to his place behind the swing. “Your wish is my command, little prince.” Yugyeom grins, toothy and wide.

“You can be my knight, daddy! Knight Daddy!” Yugyeom smiles up at Jinyoung once again and Jinyoung can’t help but press a kiss to the top of Yugyeom’s head once more. The kid giggles once more, twisting in his seat as the swing comes to a halt. “Daddy! You’re my knight! No kisses!”

Jinyoung snorts but assumes a face of stoicism. “My liege, I shall do what you request.” He bends into a kneel, and Yugyeom giggles happily.

“I wanna find a king! A prince has a king!” He pauses, and Jinyoung peeks up at his son. “Daddy? What’s a liege?” Jinyoung holds back a snort, Yugyeom would not have been amused.

“It’s what a prince is to a knight, someone who is more powerful.” Yugyeom is pleased with the explanation, hopping off the swing and toddling around. Jinyoung follows him closely behind.

Yugyeom is looking for another friend to play with him, and Jinyoung feels slightly sorry he took Yugyeom on a weekday. He had a lot of work lately, so today was the only free day. Thankfully, Yugyeom still seems to have the time of his life climbing around on the empty playground anyway.

Jinyoung lifts him up to do monkey bars and Yugyeom squeals in delight. He’s glad the kid is having fun; though he works at home he is often too busy to spend time with his son and Jinyoung always feels bad. He knows Yugyeom loves him but he worries sometimes.

“Hi!” Jinyoung snaps his head up. He had set Yugyeom down to tie his shoe and his son had run off and was talking to some stranger who was jogging on the path around the park. “Can you be king?” Oh, God. Jinyoung is mortified.

He quickly walks up to Yugyeom. “Yugyeomie, don’t bother strangers, all right?” He picks up his son, much to the child’s chagrin. “I’m really sorry,” he apologises to the man as Yugyeom squirms a little.

The stranger just laughs a loud laugh that Yugyeom immediately mirrors with a wide smile. It’s a domino effect, and Jinyoung can feel the corners of his lips pull up as well. “Are you missing a king?” Before Jinyoung can respond, Yugyeom nods empathetically.

“I’m a prince and daddy is a knight! Can you be king?” Jinyoung can feel his face heat up and the man smiles wide and pretty.

“Yeah, I can be a king. Did you know my last name means king?” Yugyeom grins at that, squirming even more. After getting a tiny hand in his mouth, Jinyoung finally sets Yugyeom down.

“King? Really?” Yugyeom is way too excited about this fact. “Are you a king?” The stranger laughs again.

“No, little buddy, it’s just my last name. I’m Jackson Wang.” Jackson squats down and offers Yugyeom a hand. Yugyeom takes it gleefully and shakes it, grinning wide at Jackson.

“I’m Yugyeom! And this is Daddy!” Jackson looks up at Jinyoung with a short breath of laughter.

“Hi, Daddy,” he says a lot more sultry than needed and Jinyoung chokes on his spit. Jackson giggles again, seemingly never running out of laughter.

“I’m Jinyoung,” he corrects—is it really correcting?—and Jackson stands up, offering a hand to Jinyoung as well. Jinyoung shakes it with a slight smile. Jackson was a very handsome man, Jinyoung wouldn’t deny. He had a good face with strong features, and Jinyoung couldn’t help but be drawn to him.

“Are you the father of this cutie?” Jackson nods toward Yugyeom, who makes grabby hands at Jinyoung. Jinyoung bends down to pick Yugyeom up with a groan. Yugyeom was getting bigger, Jinyoung would have to get more clothes for his son soon, and maybe work out a little more too. All his son wants, it seems, was up, down, up, down.

“I am,” Jinyoung answers, and with that, Yugyeom reaches out and extends his hand towards Jackson.

“High five,” he chirps and Jinyoung laughs softly. His cousin, Wonpil, had gotten Yugyeom to start asking everyone for high fives, and it was rather endearing. Jackson apparently finds it endearing as well, giving Yugyeom what he asked for with an even bigger smile.

“How old are you, Yugyeomie?” The nickname slips out of Jackson’s mouth easily and Jinyoung has to hold back a smile at how cute the interaction is. Yugyeom beams right back at Jackson, holding up one hand with all fingers spread.

“I’m four!” Jinyoung chuckles.

“Baby, that’s five fingers.” Yugyeom laughs, ignoring it, and Jackson snorts as well.

“I’m not a baby! I’m a prince!” Yugyeom pouts at his father, and Jinyoung laughs.

“Apologies, my lord.” His son is appeased, grinning up at his father and patting his cheek. If it was anyone else, Jinyoung would’ve found it condescending but Yugyeom was an exception.

“Can you play?” Yugyeom immediately turns to Jackson with a big, moon-eyed, grin right now. He has never so much seemed like a big, friendly, puppy at this moment. Jinyoung mouths a ‘sorry’ at the man, who just smiles indulgently.

“I always have time to play,” he agrees, and Yugyeom beams, wriggling out of Jinyoung’s arms and holding out a hand to Jackson. Jinyoung watches with a fond smile as Yugyeom tugs Jackson across the playground when–

“Daddy, you’re supposed to be my knight!” Jinyoung has been summoned.

[purplesurveys]

1034

survey by tater-tots What is a fruit that you might eat in the morning? Hahahaha. That’s a pass for me; I can’t imagine regularly eating fruit at any set time of the day.

Do you enjoy any food combinations that others might consider to be weird? I like to eat fish with mayonnaise, which was always normal in our household but I realized was weird when I first saw the horrified expressions on my friends’ faces when they saw me use the combination. I like mayonnaise with a lot of other foods as well, which a lot of people generally find weird.

What is a green vegetable that you enjoy eating? Broccoli and asparagus.

Name something you might find in a salad. In my salad, you’ll always find tuna sashimi in it heh.

What is your favorite type of sandwich? Anything that’s like an Eggs Benedict or Monte Cristo. 

Which condiment do you use the most often? Mayo, for sure. Banana ketchup too. I also like sriracha sauce but my dad hasn’t been buying a new bottle of it for a while. 

Name a chocolate bar that you enjoy eating. It’s called Whittaker’s - just not sure what country it hails from; maybe Australia? - and I like their peanut butter variant. Google also told me it’s a New Zealander brand.

What is a meat that you do not eat - ever. Dog or cat.

Are you lactose intolerant, or have any other sort of food allergies? I’m mildly lactose intolerant but I ignore it because a lot of my favorite foods use dairy. Other than that, no food allergies.

What was the last food that you burnt your mouth on? Just plain rice, haha. I had been extremely hungry and I just wanted to dig in; but I ended up spitting it back out.

Which brand of soup do you eat? I don’t regularly have soup, much less buy canned brands of it. 

What are some flavors of ice cream that your enjoy? Cookies and cream, mint chocolate, coffee, chocolate chip cookie dough, queso real.

What is the best type of cookie, in your opinion? I like keeping things classic when it comes to cookies, and I’ve always been perfectly happy with chocolate chip cookies :)

Would you rather have popcorn, pretzels, or chips as your salty snack? Chips. I dislike the other two as I only like the softer, doughy version of pretzels.

Have you thought about going on a diet & actually went through with it? No.

--

survey by pinkchocolate

When you woke up today, was there anything on your mind? Kinda. I felt sad and I was aware of it instantly, compared to most days where the sadness will take a while to build.

Who was the last person you interacted with for the first time? Literally speaking, maybe the barista at Starbucks who took my temperature at the entrance before I was let in the store. I interacted with her yesterday.

What colour was the wrapper of the last snack you ate? White. It’s more of a tiny bag than a wrapper, though.

Do you have a favourite mug to drink from? What does it look like? Yeah, I’ve since claimed my mom’s mug for myself. It’s a copper mug with the Starbucks label on it. It looks super minimalist which I appreciate.

What was the last thing you used, that came in a spray can? It was a Lysol spray.

What colour is your favourite bra? Don’t really have one.

Who was the last person you went to for advice about something? I think it was Andi. I’ve been going to them a lot for help, advice, extra sanity, etc. lately. If it hasn’t been for them I probably would’ve left a few months back.

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone lately? Yes. I finally met up with Gab yesterday to discuss a lot things, iron some stuff out, figure out where to go from here.

What was the last compliment you recall receiving from someone? I’m not sure, I haven’t been receiving any.

And the last compliment you gave to someone else? It was most likely a compliment for Andi on how helpful they’ve been to me.

What kind of bread did you eat most recently? Flatbread.

What was the last sound you heard, that you found pleasant? We were watching a mass livestream earlier and I was delighted when they played the closing song.

How many books do you think there are in your house? Take a rough guess. I would guess around 60, the overwhelming bulk of them mine.

Of all the books you own, which do you think has the most pages in it? It would definitely either be Gone with the Wind or Les Miserables, but I’m not sure which one is thicker.

^ And how many pages is that? I checked both of my copies and they’re soooo close – GWTW has 1,440 pages while Les Mis has 1,463.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema? What did you think of it? Knives Out. I went to the mall yesterday and the cinemas were still closed, so it’s not like I’d be able to watch new movies at theatres anyway. Anyway, I’ve been vocal about the movie enough times on my surveys but I didn’t enjoy it. Whodunnits were never my cup of tea, but Gab had wanted to see it and I didn’t want to make her watch the film alone.

In the last book you read, what was the main character's name? Haven’t been reading.

What was the last song you heard, that meant something to you? Lose by Niki.

How many people do you know whose name begins with Z? I can only recall one such person at the moment; it’s one of my mom’s aunts who also doubled as a principal sponsor for my mom and dad’s wedding.

What do you expect to be doing at this time tomorrow? Maybe doing my embroidery (my package finally arrived!!) or surveys or watching Start-Up, because tomorrow will be a holiday :)

--

survey by luckforlemmy

Did you start listening to more Michael Jackson after his death? I can remember that there was definitely a brief period after his death that I caught up with his discography and listened to MJ nearly everyday; I read up on him and his life as well. 11 year old me figured he must’ve been an interesting figure because of the big reception around his death, so I wanted to know the reasons behind it.

When was the last time that you played hide and seek? I can vividly remember the day when Nina and I played hide and seek when the house was newly-built and still devoid of furniture, back in maybe ‘07 or ‘08. I’m fairly certain that was the last time I played hide and seek.

Who was your first celebrity crush, if you can remember? It was a tie between Ashley Tisdale and Zac Efron, though the older I get the more I’ve been convinced that I ‘crushed’ on Zac only because I was surrounded by girls who went crazy over him in school. I’m pretty sure my first real celebrity crush was Ashley, hahaha.

Do you worry about money? Yeah, especially now. I can’t even enjoy my first paycheck because most of it’s gonna go to Christmas presents, but oh well; at least I can finally buy gifts for my loved ones who’ve always gotten me presents.

Have you ever had to beg for a second chance? Kind of, when I was trying to convince Gab to let our relationship have another shot four years ago. Beg is a strong word for what I actually did, though. It was more of me pitching the idea, not begging.

When was the last time that you sent an actual letter through the mail? I don’t think I even ever did that, not even when I was younger and snail mail was still kind of a thing.

Are you excited to return to school? There’s nothing to return to anymore. Unless I decided to take up a post-grad course in the future, I’m done with school.

Do you hate Internet abbreviations? It can just feel a bit jarring when they’re used excessively in a single sentence, but I honestly don’t mind it for the most part. It’s understandable especially now that most, if not all, of my interactions whether personal or for work happen online.

What was the last insult you gave out? I was never really the roasting type of person, not even towards my friends.

What'd you last look up on YouTube? Hahaha I looked up ‘skynwallz.’ I was looking for the episode of Rhett and Link’s vlogs where they painted the rooms of their offices in the color of their entire person – hair, eyes, and skin. They were joking about starting a new business for it called Skynwallz, so that’s what I looked up.

Are you texting someone really awesome right now? No, I prefer to be alone today.

Do you know when to be serious and when you shouldn't be? Er sure, it’s not that hard.

Do you think that you're funny? I like my sense of humor, yeah, but I know it’s not always going to translate to everybody’s tastes. For example, I’m still figuring out the dynamic in the team I was put in at work, so I can’t make the same jokes that I would normally say with my co-interns with whom I have a more comfortable relationship.

Have you ever sent a secret to Post Secret? I don’t know what this is, so no.

What movie do you really want to see in theatres right now? They aren’t showing anything at the moment. A movie I want to see badly, though, is Ammonite.

Have either of your parents shown affection for you today? My mom made breakfast for us, if it counts. She also gives each of her kids a kiss during the peace-giving portion at mass, so there’s that as well.

What's the last thing that you sang out loud? I watched Start Up before this survey and was humming to the song that was being played at the end of the episode. I couldn’t sing along to it because it was in Korean, but I knew the melody so I hummed.

Is there a word that you always misspell? Rhythm is one of my worst enemies for sure. I also have a love-hate relationship with accommodate.

What was the last thing that you bought that someone else benefited from? I met up with Gabie yesterday and bought her her favorite meal from Yabu to break the ice – menchi katsu with brown rice. I originally got mozzarella sticks for myself but when we got to talking, she mentioned her sisters at one point; I remembered how much I miss them, so I gave up my food and told her to just give my food to her sisters since I hadn’t touched it yet anyway.

Has someone ever made you a really great mix CD? Andi gave me one before she made the flight to New Zealand 10 years ago to permanently live there. I believe I still have it, but I’m just not sure where it currently is.

Have you ever been on Omegle.com? Yes, when I was a teenager and it was new.

Did you talk to someone cool there? Not really; most seem to exit our chat after we did the whole asl thing. I also avoided the webcam option because my anxiety for video calls has always been present.

What song reminds you of your best friend? Any song by The Maine.

Who was the last person to hit on you? Some creep on Facebook.

What's on the paper nearest you? It’s the guide for my embroidery kit. It tells me what stitches to do and the colors of thread to use for the different parts of the template I was provided with.

Do you have a set of lyrics that you really love? From Paramore’s Pool: “As if the first cut wasn’t deep enough, I dove in again ‘cause I’m not into giving up Could’ve gotten the same rush from any lover’s touch, But why get used to something new When no one breaks my heart like you” I scream those lyrics every time they come on. I know I often showed the good, shiny side of my relationship on these surveys; but it was very much toxic at a lot of points and those lyrics - and that song - served as a nest for me, something that told me someone understands how I sometimes felt about my own relationship.

Did you get an A in your last English class? I got a 1.25 instead of a perfect 1.00, but I think that’s still equivalent to an A so yes.

What did you last use scissors for? Cutting thread.

Did you ever secretly hate a friend of yours that thought you liked them? That makes me sound shitty lol, but yeah I’ve acted nicely to people I don’t particularly like.

What do you think of when I say "boat"? That episode of Friends where Joey bought himself a boat at an auction; and Canadian accents.

Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve? Nope. I planned on getting one as a teenager, but I grew out of that phase.

Do you know any really fake people? Yep. I think everyone’s got to be at some point.

What does the last blanket you used look like? It’s pink and has multi-colored polka dots on it.

Do you have appreciation for graffiti? Sure, especially if it’s for political purposes (that I agree with).

Why don't you drive? I do. I just have done it a lot less because I have had little need for driving and traveling to places throughout the pandemic.

Does it annoy you when your printer runs out of ink? I think we have the kind of printer that never runs out of ink, but I’m not exactly sure about the terminologies or how the technology works. I let my sister do the printing hahaha.

Have you ever drank anything from a thermos? Yes, mostly water and coffee.

When was the last time you played in the snow? Never.

Do you know any ignorant people? Sure, mostly Gen X-ers and Boomers.

What is the coolest name you've ever heard? Thylane.

What did you last argue with someone about? Relationship stuff. It wasn’t a full-blown argument, but when Gab and I talked yesterday it was natural for us to disagree on a few points.

Is there anyone that you dislike for no real reason? Hmm, I don’t think so. If I feel that strongly about someone, I usually have a reason otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to them.

Have you had a good day? It was okay; it was nice. I got to do my embroidery hoop art thing, got to watch a couple episodes of Start Up, played with Cooper, and now I’m doing these surveys and am planning to continue my embroidery later. It’s nice to feel productive about non-work things :)

Are you going to have a good night? I hope.

[happilyneverafters]

pt 1/4: accepting; the novel text to a bff

I love him. I’ve loved him from the very beginning. I wasn’t in the right mind then. I had just gotten over XXX and I was finally living the fun single life. I knew I would hurt him bc he loved me so much and I couldn’t settle. I f*cked up. Fast forward. He did the same to me. He reached out, thinking that I was still that damaged girl he could just have fun with... he saw I wasn’t and we connected way too much way too fast and he hadn’t dealt with XXX. He literally bought a ring. Proposed. Got a “yes” and started planning a wedding. Then to find out she cheated. Yeah, obviously that hurt. He said he was over it but how could you get over that in literally 2 months? You can’t. I got a promise ring and was cheated on so I know the commitment significance but we weren’t planning a wedding????? So he ran. He wanted to mess around like I did. I was furious. Sick to my stomach on how he treated me. But I don’t care as much as I should bc I’ve been there. And I am so in love with him and it’s so f*cking unconditional and this proves it. He has been my best friend since high school. And I’m almost 25........ so 11, 12 years???? What he did was f*cked up. Hahahaha it makes me laugh out loud how f*cked up it was. And when I truly think about every bit and piece that happened from the time he messaged, to when I called him when driving to XXX and he was the biggest d*ck I’ve ever heard... I literally about puke from the gut wrenching pain... but I don’t blame him................ how can that be? I just truly feel sorry for him. Bc an engagement is the biggest decision someone could make and he made that decision. Only for it to go south. So yeah, he broke my heart. He stomped on it and spit on it and put it in the shredder. But for some reason, all of my tears, all of my depression, all of this weight I’ve gained, all of my poems I’ve wrote and all of the fake things I’ve done/said .... I’m still on the fence on how I should feel. I should be angry. I should cuss him out. I should punch him in the face. I should get revenge. I should move on. I should be happy. But I don’t want to. I want to be sad. I want to hurt. I want to miss him. I want to love him. I want to blame her and not him. I want to blame college and not him. I want to blame time and not him. I want to blame me and not him. And that’s sick in the head of me. Bc he literally told you he couldn’t care less about me. Yet here I am, hoping I’ll secretly see him one day. I know I deserve better. But not a better person. The situation was just off. But I can’t see the wrong in it bc I was that person too. If God continues to keep him on my mind and is giving me the words to write about him, I want to trust that he’s supposed to be in my life. If people keep going back to each other, they aren’t meant to be apart. Sure this was only the second time of going back but will I ever not want to go back???? That’s what I fear. You say I’ll meet someone and I’ll “know” like you did. But that’s how I felt with him. I was seriously the most alive I’ve ever been in my entire life. I didn’t want to sleep. I was excited to wake up. I was living on the edge. I was spontaneous. I wanted to be out of the house. I wanted to be with him even if we were just sitting. Or swinging. I wanted to hear every little thing he had to say. And study every feature of his face and body and mind and heart and soul.

pt. 2/4

He wasn’t the person who hurt me. And I don’t believe he meant it. I feel for him the way you feel for yours and the way your voice changes when you talk about him. But he is such a bag of f*cking d*cks and I hate his guts. I want to karma to take him out and make him call her daddy. But I am so consumed that as soon as I think about how angry I should be, I think “aw I just want to hug him and tell him it’s okay”. Yet he would never in a million years do that for me. So when will I stop wanting to do that for him? Or will I? Like I said in one of my poems, I need to act like he is XXX. I wanted so badly to be XXX’s but he is physically not able. He is gone. I need to look at him that way. Same with XXX. When XXX started dating girls in his town. I was miserable. When he told me not to come to XXX. I was livid. But then I realized. He’s not physically able to be mine. That’s how I need to look at him. But I refuse to believe it. I refuse to accept it. I can listen to yalls advice and I will gladly do it but I can’t promise I’ll ever want it to be true. He doesn’t understand that bc he wouldn’t give me the chance to explain that. He read my words. He didn’t hear my words. Or my tone. He refused to look me in the eye and when I was finally close to it he said “ugh fine you can come over”..... like, no, I’m not going to “ugh come over” and fight for your ear and your heart. I’ll “ugh come over” to physically fight you bc you’re an idiot and need to be taken down a notch bc you’re too high on your horse but again, he’s damaged, he’s got that mindset he needs to be free bc he’s seen the ugly side of commitment, not my side of promising commitment. Again, like I said in one of my poems, I don’t love him for how he treats me bc clearly he treats me like I’m a washed up piece of garbage that a raccoon dug through and slept on throughout the rainy night but bc of who he is and what he’s been through and what is capable of. I’m in love with every bit of him for him. Not him for me. Again, he can’t hear that bc he’s childish enough to plug his ears and not listen. Idk what to do. I’ll move on. I’ll go on this date tonight and try my best to keep an open mind but I know at the end of the night, when I get my phone out before bed, I’ll look at his pics or see what he’s posted/reposted. That’s so dangerous of me. You’re right, I might find someone someday who won’t treat me this way. But I want to at least wait to see if his bas**** a** will grow up first and realize I would gladly ask his mom for his hand, get down on one knee and ask his frat a** to marry me and I would say yes to him every single day of my life. Even if he said no to me, like he already has.

pt 3/4

He won’t come back. And I know that. He won’t. Bc he is able to wipe his hands and walk away bc to him, he did nothing wrong. He was just living the single life. But to me, I was home with him. He didn’t act as just living the single life. To him, he was. To me, it was not at all. And he wouldn’t know that. That’s the thing. He doesn’t know. I could tell him, I’m not scared to express it, it’s just like he said though, it’s pointless. It wouldn’t benefit him, and it wouldn’t benefit me. It’s a waste of breath. I’ve made myself look like a psychotic fool to him. I’d rather sit in my room crying and writing about my feelings, just to save him the time of hearing my voice. I won’t wait for him. It’s not necessary. And I told him I wouldn’t. But unlike him, I’m not going to go out and find someone. The only reason I’ve got the date tonight is bc I got upset and downloaded a dating app for one night. Bc I don’t want to meet someone that way. Which is another fear. I don’t want to meet someone online. I don’t go out to bars. You can’t really meet anyone at a church like ours. It would just have to be a mutual friend or someone I’ve already known. Either way, I don’t want anyone else. I didn’t when I broke up with him a few years ago. I tried to come back but he had already had me blocked bc XXX. So I had to. No one, no one, even came close to how I felt about him. Again, it’s not just “oh I really want to be with him”..... the connection.... the connection is what is real and instant and easy and fun and that’s what I loved. He was my best friend first. Does he really have a connection like that with everyone????

pt 4/4

I can’t cry. I’m trying to. I need to. I’m just numb. This song I’m listening to is so touching and of course, I’m thinking of him, but I can’t cry. I think I’ve literally used up all of my tears. I can’t feel anything. And it got me thinking. Y’all are so tired of hearing me vent about him. I know that. And I’m sorry. I know you know something I don’t. And maybe it’s that he truly won’t come back. And that’s fine. I think I’m finally accepting that. But the thing is, is I know what I want. And I’ve known what I’ve wanted for a long time. And it’s him. It will always be him. It always has been. You say I’ll find someone but the gag is I know it’s him. Whether God tells him no, God has told me yes. So many times. And if he is somewhat available, I’m not going to force myself to move on if I don’t have to. I’m not saying I will refuse others but I won’t give up hope on him but if/until he calls me, FaceTimes, or comes to physically see me.... he won’t come back. It’s easy to not care when you have zero contact. He’s the cool senior frat guy who can get any girl he wants. Toxic. Pathetic. Disturbing. Disgusting. But that’s not him. And I know if he saw me, he’d feel for me what he had before, whether he thinks so or not. I’m still so happy. I haven’t changed. I still am living the same life I did before he came back. And today being in XXX, I didn’t search for him, I was just enjoying my time home, but I can’t say I didn’t imagine what it would have been like with him there with me. Or in the car ride home. Or Rn listening to this romantic song trying to nap. It’s him I want. It’s him I need. But I can’t let you be the one I dump it on. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I know it’s been... 2 months? You’re tired. I’m tired. So it’s time that I suffer alone. As much as I will pray for that day to come where him and I come face to face, you won’t hear about it. I don’t blame him for anything he did. He wasn’t in the right mind. And even if he was, he wasn’t in the wrong. He hurt me, yes. But I did it to myself. And I’m continuing to put myself in the same pain. That’s on me. No one else. So no one else should have to suffer the consequences. I’m okay even though I’m really not okay. It’s not him I’m letting destroy me bc it’s him who truly makes me feel alive, I’m destroying myself. Satan is using this heartbreak against me and I’m giving them the power to consume the little bit of me that I have to offer someone else. Like I said, I’m not depressed bc of him and I’m not allowing him to be the reason I’m numb... I just think the constant “why” or “why not” or “when” is slowly drowning me. I’ve said many times in my poems that my love for him is the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced in my life and I know that is a once in a lifetime type of love, a true f*cking love that I just can’t grasp isn’t a two way street, and that is what is driving me insane. I could continue typing for hours and days and months and years about this but again, I’m keeping you out of that now.