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pinkpruneclodwolf · 3 years ago

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Why You Should Fear the Common Man— Trey. C Is Meaner Than We Give Him Credit For.

I stole this off of Trey's groovy gallery in the Twst wiki

You know those pictures of a white men who commit murder(s) and instead of a mugshot its them with their family or hiking some shit like that— that's exactly why I chose his birthday photo.

This isn't a character analysis, deconstruction— NUNADET

This man has fooled yall into thinking he's some malewife sent from the heavens above—AND HE'S NOT!

I see yall playing in my face about this boy like he didn't admit to feeding the Heartslabyul members inedible food whenever he fucked up on the kitchen— Princess Peach at least had the decency to tell Mario that she made an absolute dogshit cake (iykyk)—but this man—

This man right here?! He just Doodle Suit that shit and called it a day—

Keep that man away from me! Yep, thats not a boy anymore that is a full blown man now, he's too much of a hazard to be considered less.

Like I swear I'm not trying to be antagonistic, in fact I do like the lil hidden sides that we see— but I am sitting on information that could lead to his arrest. Actually, multiple arrests because the whole cast is sick

Exhibit A: Heart Got Teeth— Trey's Relationship with Riddle.

There's a saying, I don't know if yall know it but I've heard my mother say it and I think about it whenever I think of the twst cast particularly characters like Trey.

"The devil appears before you with a smile on his face and hell under your feet."

Of course this is a very loaded quote for some dude who just lies point blank, this would be something reserved for Sam, Crowley, or Lilia but they don't intentionally lead you on the way Trey does, they're too seasoned for that.

Let's review a few things first:

Trey is the Vice Dormleader of Heartslabyul dorm, the "good" cop to Riddle's "bad" cop.

Calm, collected, and laid back, considered to be the "protector" of the Heartslabyul dorm.

"Friendly" and "willing" to help others, including his underclassmen if they have trouble with anything (not without an exchange, which is par for the course).

Unique Magic can overwrite anything "with what one imagines" color, size, shape, taste, smell, etc... can be overwritten.

Called Sea Turtle by Floyd.

Called Chavelier by Rook Hunt.

Card suit: Clover/Club.

Card Number: 3.

Yall probably looking at this lil bulletin funny, but I swear this ties into the topic because his brand of evil is insanely covert, don't take this man at face value is all I'm saying.

"Clubs: The summer season is represented by the club. The club meaning in cards is the indication of the stage of “youth” when one places a focus on education, recklessness, and so forth. A club symbol meaning is the pinnacle of an earth element." Adda52 Blog on "Card Suits and Symbolism."

"Clubs representing both the peasantry and achievement through work; diamonds, the merchant class and the excitement of wealth creation; hearts, the clergy and the struggle to achieve inner joy; spades, the warrior class institutionalised into the nobility and the fractious problems of life." Theguardian on "The Four Suits of a Pack of Cards."

Now, I will address Riddle and Trey's relationship.

We already know they were childhood friends for a short while before the tart incident which tore them apart which led to Trey overcompensating the lost time by silently watching Riddle become exactly like his mom instead of speaking up like a true friend would.

That's exactly where my lil theory comes in; Trey is 3 of clubs— 3 means faith in card suit language, so while Trey might not've enjoyed Riddle's troublesome development he remained at his side like the faithful knight he is, simply mitigating the fall out and calling it a day.

But faith can also be blind—we see this when Riddle goes on a beheading spree, Trey doesn't express any other emotion except exasperation at best and vexation at best—

However this response isn't for others, but rather himself. He gets uncomfy when the Heartslabyul mob come to him expressing how tired they are of Riddle and (also notice how he doesn't defend him either) all he can say is "I'll talk to him".

Which he doesn't btw.

Which ties into the whole Clubs being peasants and Hearts being the clergy especially if we look at this from a European sense; peasants go to church, no?

Warriors protect the land (clubs being the 'pinnacle of earth' mean they represent agriculture) and diamonds keep the economy flowing with money and such.

Of course the peasants can always overthrow the clergy by applying for their place, but why would they?

"...Good, now I can make sweets with all the spices I wanted to try."

"Eh..? Trey-kun, did you just straight-faced grant your own wish?!"

"I did pray to get my hands on a high-end food processor with my "Wishing star"."

Doodle Suit literally trumped OB!Riddle's magic and yet he doesn't even try to attempt Riddle's position?

We've seen him run laps around Riddle in his Starry Robes personal story where he tricks Riddle into buying a 100k madol food processor under the guise of making it easier for the Heartslabyul students to get around the kitchen.

So why doesn't he just,,,, attempt the position??

Because he's faithful.

Because he's an 'average guy'

Let's reflect on that:

Exhibit B: Do We Know the Muffin Man?— Trey C's Secrets Are in the Pudding, but He'll Never Tell.

Translation by Raven

"The more I look at it... You do look more powerful than usual. It's kind of menacing."

"I see, if you say so, maybe I'll keep wearing glasses then."

This is some substantial evidence right here, boys.

There's no need for a quote when we have a picture of this criminal glaring at us. Y'see what he really looks like under those lil glasses now? "My eyesight's bad so I'm always glaring"— go directly to hell, we got magic stop lying to these people.

Now this comes from the Scary Dress personal story where he and Azul discuss eyewear— idek how to explain just how insane that is— this is Azul we're talking about, yeah he mellowed out after his OB, but that doesn't mitigate the danger that comes with speaking to him.

If anything, he's gotten more shifty, meaning we don't know if dude was trying to strike a deal with Trey or not.

You know how Jamil likes to downplay his abilities alot? Trey also does that so as not to draw attention to himself, I mean look at his UM, he can overwrite anything (limited time ofc) if the wrong person got their hands on that they'd be unstoppable— I'll get right into that soon.

Call me paranoid but being wary if the OB boys can never be too much—

But this isn't what I'm here to talk about, I'm here to talk about his home life and how that makes him who he his.

We oft times hear him talk about his family, and you wouldn't be wrong to think that he uses that as a sort of shield to make him look average or to boast about his prowess with baking (not cooking two different ballparks).

We know that he's the oldest of two siblings and often cooks for the family whenever his baking parents are busy—I remember one of the characters calling his family mildly famous in the Rose Kingdom— and that he often has to make sure his brother brushes his teeth to the point that he's developed a sort of "oral fixation", Ace even calls him a toothbrushing maniac.

Quaint innit?

Compared to the other characters his life is very cozy and hunkydory, not a hair out of place. His life is pretty much set.

He seems... Boring. He "helps" others in need, even going out of his way to learn how to teach the Heartslabyul students to cook so that they won't depend on him.

He's the protector of the Heartslabyul dorm, the big brother, the "good" guy, the person you run to when Riddle is being a lil piss baby.

And yet...

"There's the impression of "villain in movies", they said."

"In the end I stopped wearing over-rim glasses because I didn't want to be misunderstood by my mother and sister."

...

"In this school it's very easy to lock eyes and end up in a fight because 'he glared at me', right?"

"I don't want to deal with any trouble. So, I just try to look as gentle as possible."

Hmm.

I'm tryna figure out how some average guy manages to get into a school like NRC, where the general population is chock-full of people that hide their intentions under a thick veil and not end up at the bottom of the food chain.

His proximity to Riddle doesn't have anything to do with it either.

If anything, I don't think Trey cares for Riddle in the way that we think he does.

Here's why:

"Hehe… I think you are plenty passionate about researching strawberries. Roi des Roses… so Riddle was your motivation. Having such a deep loyalty is très bien! As expected of the Chevalier, Trey!"

"Deep loyalty… Don’t exaggerate. Riddle is my childhood friend, so I just know what he likes. That’s all."

"Is that so? My eyes reflect a much deeper bond between you two! But yes… a flower will wither if you give it too much water. It’s fine to hold back so you won’t break his heart."

What do you mean by that, Rook? Break Riddle's heart how?

What is Trey hiding from Riddle that would break his heart?

Could it be...

His true feelings mayhap?

Like I said, I don't think Trey likes Riddle in the way that we thought and the quote says it all.

Trey's not only growing strawberries because Riddle likes them but because he can use them for his own pastries as well—

"But you started cultivating strawberries because Riddle loves strawberry tarts, didn’t you?"

"I guess so. While Riddle tends to fuss about the taste, his tastebuds are actually not that refined. If he knows it’s from a famous store, he’ll be happy. And I won’t have to make it by hand."

If Riddle liked blueberries, Trey'd grow blueberries is what I'm saying.

He's not doing it just for Riddle, he's doing it because its beneficial and lands him in his good graces while also being susceptible to his bold faced lies— this ties back to how Trey lied to grant his wish.

Speaking of lies....

Exhibit B: Teeth, Tongue, and the Bold Faced Lie—Trey C's Unique Magic.

I raise you this:

Why would you need a UM that overwrites anything within a time limit?

Now anyone would reason this by saying that his UM reflects how Riddle's mother overwritten his personality due to the rules she enforced.

But I raise you this:

Trey's hobby: Toothbrushing.

"The mouth often reflects the health of the body."

This is a saying that was drilled into me when I got my first cavity as a child, since then I graduated from the mere cavity to a full root canal.

But this isn't about me.

This is about Trey.

As we know, testimonials from both Ace and Deuce say that he has a toothbrushing obsession.

Now you might be raising your brow at this, thinking: "How exactly is that relevant to his UM?" And that's exactly where my theory lies in:

Cleanliness.

We often associate teeth with being pearly white, because its an external sign of health and in some cases sexual vitality— the word toothsome describes food that is delicious and someone whose sexually attractive, no?

I've seen yall lil thirst posts about Trey, don't lie to me.

Trey's intentions aren't always pure— you see this when he helps Cater and the Heartslabyul members when they mess up in the kitchen in his Starry Night personal story— all he needed to do was tell Trey why they were baking and it just leads up to him and the Heartslabyul members inadvertently granting Trey's wish after making a case on getting a food processor.

And that is exactly why I kept emphasizing Trey's "help" —He's not helping because he's a good person, he's helping because it usually leads to him getting what he wants—Jade also does this, but people at least know exactly what they're getting into, by the time Trey helps you and get what he wants it's already too late.

"There is a Smile of Love

And there is a Smile of Deceit

And there is a Smile of Smiles

In which these two Smiles meet."

Smile by William Blake.

Trey likes brushing his teeth not because he's hygienic, but because he wants to project the idea that his intentions are "pure", as teeth are the representatives of our personality.

"Your teeth can reflect your personal hygiene and habits, but they can also provide an idea about your personality. For example, people who are anxious or competitive often grind or clench their teeth and have fractured molars. Curved, less pointy canine teeth indicate a more passive personality, while sharper canines give the impression of more aggressive tendencies. Those who tend to be the life of the party usually have teeth that show results of excessive drinking and smoking as well as frequent consumption of carbonated drinks.

It can be easy to forget how much people assume about you based on the appearance of your teeth."

Miller and Wolf Family Dentistry on "4 Things Your Teeth Say About You."

"Okay, but, how does this tie into his UM?"

It ties in the fact that while his "teeth" are "pure" his intentions are not, his birthday personal story is rife with how he tells lies (read: build up plaque) and plays them off as a joke (read: brush his teeth).

Lemme ask you this:

Do you realize the scope of Trey's power?

He never uses in the context of threatening and always downplays it in favor of pretending he's an average guy.

However, don't let his lil modest act fool you; he was able to overwrite Riddle's UM while he was Overblotting, something that increases a magicians power exponentially in exchange for their life and sanity— why do you think S.T.Y.X exists?

What do you think Trey would've been able to do while Leona was Overblotting? Or even Vil? Yeah Leona destroyed Riddle's UM due to how calamitous his power and how tangible the collar is, but what about Trey?

You can't deflect something you can't see coming, no?

Of course, with Trey wanting to be more covert he'd never use his UM because he'd never find himself in these type of situations. He's too low-key for that.

He's an average guy.

Until he isn't.

Exhibit C: The Lies You Tell— Trey C. Is a Dirty Bastard.

"I'm good at making sweets but I'm always messing up other dishes."

"But even when I finish something and think: 'Man, this isn't edible in the slightest' the other students in the dorm eat it anyway."

"Heh... Don't you remember what my unique magic does?"

"...You really use magic to change the taste?"

"I was just kidding. I don't do that."

"...Usually."

THIS SON OF A BITCH

THIS SON OF A BITCH IS EVIL AS HELL

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I STARTED THIS WHOLe FUCKING THING THAT RAT BASTARD

OH GOD OH MAN

I can't believe yall sat in my face, sat in my face and just made these lil thirst blogs about this baking bastard like he isn't the type to make you a pie out of horseshit and Doodle Suit that into a apple pie.

I sat hear and watched fanfics be written about how much of a doting boyfriend he'd be to Riddle, Jade, or Mc/Yuu only to discover that this bitch—

We have got to get Ace and Deuce outta there.

NO BECAUSE I SAT HERE WRITING THREE DIFFERENT REASONS AS TO WHY TREY WAS SO HORRENDOUS TO ME OVER A PERSONAL STORY THE ONES FOLLOWING

This man can and will sit in your face and lie straight up—he did it with that oyster sauce in the tart thing and he does it with the cooking.

For three years these Heartslabyul students have been eating full on health hazards—

I think I'm gonna be sick—

Like yeah we could talk about how Alchemy is his highest scoring subject or the fact that he's adamant on being normal guy bu—

No, I've foreplayed my disgust for too long—too long I say!

This dude shares a club with a boy whose family makes it their mission to terrorize Beastmen and Merfolk in the name of "learning".

Jade Leech fucks with him because they're so similar—

Like all signs point to him being evil— SO WHY IS THS

"Uwu, average boy, baker who loves his s/o" SHIT SO PREVALENT? WTAF HE'S INSANE

NO KEEP HIM AND ROOK AND JADE THE HELL AWAY FROM ME—

But that's just a theory.

Twst Theory.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst theory #trey clover #long post #trey clover analysis #keep him away from me and my family #hes a sick individual #i have elaborated enough #i am no longer hiding my fear of trey #i am actually terrified

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cuddlyscribe · 4 years ago

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Hi hi! Can I have hcs on Gaara, Kisame and Rock Lee having a s/o who's usually stoic and has a resting bitchface syndrome, but only shows their soft and flirty side to them when they're alone? Considering all three have some sort of insecurities such as Lee having ninjutsu or genjutsu abilities, Kisame insecure of his appearance and Gaara's social awkwardness, their s/o would drop anything they're doing just to comfort them, kissing away their doubts and saying sweet things🥰

hello anon! I hope this was written to your liking, I had fun with it!! ❤️

Gaara understands your predicament when it comes to resting bitch face; he gets people asking him if he’s angry all the time

He’s found himself snickering quietly to himself on multiple occasions when he turns to look at you just sitting next to him like >:(

But this guy knows you way too well to know you’re upset, that's just your expression!

It makes your softness at home all the more sweet to him because he’s the only one who gets to see you like that

And if he’s being completely honest, he likes being a lil greedy when it comes to your flirty side as well (it’s all for him hehe)

We all know Gaara has seen and been through some shit, so your ability to relax him in an instant with your comfort is just one of the millions of things he loves about you

You give him the lil tummy butterflies, even after all this time

Especially loves cuddle times at the end of the day; it’s his chance to tease you about being so serious all day

Please be prepared to be teased all day long when you’re in your stoic mode

Will literally be poking your sides or trying to get you to laugh at every possible moment (especially in the middle of one of Pain’s dramatic monologues. what can I say he gets antsy)

But under all his silliness Kisame is just as soft as you, so when you two are alone he just wants to be held and told he’s worth it

Always tells you how much he appreciates you and everything you do for him behind closed doors; no one ever sees this side of you except him, and he really cherishes that

It’s hard for him to imagine sometimes that someone as breathtaking as you would ever think he was attractive, but your flirty side at home always pushes those thoughts to the side

Kisame gets extra silly with you at home, where he can really hear you burst out laughing (one of his favorite sounds, might I add)

Please be careful he is a tickle monster

People will sometimes ask if you two are together when you’re out and about; they ask because your stoic nature can’t possibly be compatible with Rock Lee’s insane levels of energy

But you two make it work beautifully, and it’s honestly quite a sight to see in public

Lee will be monologuing somewhere talking about youth or friendship or both and you’ll just be standing there with your serious expression but on the inside you’re like “THAT’S MY BF”

Rock Lee will always stand up for you, and will often defend your honor if someone rudely asks why you’re so sour

He loves every part of you, and relishes when he gets to see your soft side shine through once you’re both alone at home

Even though he might seem pretty confident in his abilities, Lee is insecure about the fact that he’s struggled with ninjutsu and genjutsu since his academy days. It makes him feel inferior to his peers sometimes

BUT WHEN YOU LAY THOSE SWEET WORDS ON HIM... it’s like all his worries disappear

#naruto #naruto x reader #gaara #gaara x reader #kisame #kisame x reader #rock lee #rock lee x reader #naruto headcanons

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kewltie · 3 years ago

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thinking of bkdk in their late 40s when all their friends have already settled down with a family, izuku muses a lil forlornly how he would like to have someone to come home and katsuki just stares him dead in the eyes and says, "marry me then. i wont let you be lonely in that empty apartment."

the thing is bkdk are super successful heroes, they're the ranking no.1 and 2 and everyone knows their name but because izuku put so much effort into his career he never give himself the chance to meet someone and fall in love because the next things he know he's already 48 yrs old and still very single. as soon as he got right out of UA he had put himself right to work and hasn't truly stop since so izuku feels like he misses out on his youth, the flutter of first love, and now he feels like it's too late to grasp that chance again because he's too old to be stumbling around at love BUT here is katsuki suddenly telling izuku to marry him as though that would solve everything, solve izuku's worries and fears that he'll never experience love the way his friends had or knows what it feels to come home to a waiting arms that will comfort him after a hard day at work.

izuku first tries to laugh it off because katsuki cant be serious right?? but katsuki doesn't crack a single smile. "Do i look like im the type to joke about this kind shit to you?" he asks, voice steady and true. it is then that izuku realizes katsuki had meant every word he said.

but izuku still cant wrap his head around why would katsuki want to marry him of all things?? it is because they're both bachelor and wretchedly alone standing at the very top of their career where nobody can touch or hope to nobody can understand them like they do to each other?? izuku thinks that's a very dry reason to marry someone for the sake of convenience and not love at all because even though he'd devoted all his time to saving the world and helping ppl and HE'S OLD NOW but he still earnestly yearn to fall in love the ways all his friends had.

"If you needed company, we don't have to marry each other. I'm here for you always, you know that," izuku offers instead. "We're partners."

katsuki is silent briefly, then, he says, "You think i want to marry because you're convenience?"

Izuku blinks. "is that not it?"

"No," he says, all grave and serious, and for a moment izuku is breathless with realization.

"Oh," izuku replies, looking down at the table like it has all the answer in the world. "how long?"

"Since our third year at UA."

izuku jerks his head up, eyes wide with shock.

"what—I, wait, you can't mean that right?" he shakes his head as he flounders for the right words. they're both almost hitting their 50s now, so if it started in their third year then it would be 30 years of katsuki waiting for him, of pining over izuku and all that time was lost because of it.

katsuki press his lips into a thin line. "I have never lie to you."

"I—I'm not—" izuku flushes, because this wasn't anything he had plan for. who would anyway? no one would ever believe that katsuki has been in love with him for almost 30 years and izuku only found out about it now. even though katsuki has revealed the secret he has been hiding for 3 decades, izuku has no answer for him. he didn't notice katsuki's feelings for this long not because he chose to willfully ignore it but because he has never thought of katsuki in that light and that is the sad truth of it all. katsuki must have realizes that too because he doesn't press for more from izuku.

"i'm sorry," izuku says, mind racing to come up with a proper reply to katsuki's feelings because he deserves that much. "it's not you—"

Katsuki scowls. "shut the fuck up, don't even start that with me."

izuku quickly shuts his mouth, floundering for another reply that with save both of their feelings.

"Six months," katsuki says instead, eyes firm and never once dull since izuku has known him. "give me six months to convince you and if it doesn't work out we can get divorce then."

"you still want to marry me?!" izuku asks in disbelief. "shouldn't we like date first at least? isn't that how normal relationship work?!"

katsuki roll his eyes. "we co-own an agency, you have your toothbrush at my house, and we spent 18hrs out of 24 together almost everyday. our friends joke about us being a married to each other as much as to our work, we're each other's first emergency contact if something were to happen," he continues, straightforward like he's listing their grocery for today, "and i cant ever imagine wanting anyone more than i ever want you."

throughout this strange turn in their conversation, izuku realizes not once has he ever heard katsuki said he loves him but the way katsuki had revealed his unwavering devotion that lasts 3 decades and the dry, bluntness in which he spoken of wanting izuku, it's heavy. this hefty thing that katsuki has carried with him for nearly 3 decades, and in those years what izuku thought katsuki was just disinterest in any romantic connection because not once had izuku seen him look at another person, but it's because he has eyes only for izuku and nobody else.

izuku should have known never to expect anything less then 120% with katsuki because if there's anything that means something to katsuki, he would give it all and then some. it's humbling really, to be loved so fiercely and with such devotion that 3 decades is worth every second of it but izuku doesn't know if he's worth it especially when he's hesitant about his own murky feelings. he loves katsuki undoubtedly. they're partners in more way then one, but he doesn't know if he can love katsuki the way he deserves to be love in return, to return that same level of intensity.

"and what if the six months went by and there's nothing show for it?" izuku mumbles, hands clasp together under the table. i dont want to ruin this friendship of ours, he doesn't say. "what if you get bored with me and realized this isn't something you want now. what happen then?"

"you're stuck with me for life even if we get a divorce. i won't let you ever get rid of me either way," katsuki says, lips twitching with the slightest hint of amusement. "and if you're worry about me getting bored of you, don't. i fucking wont." It’s firm, assured, and completely sincere.

izuku thinks anybody with a half a brain at all would see this admirable man right in front of them with his unwavering affection and devotion that he had nurtured for 3 decades would be half way in love already, but izuku neither race or skip a beat; it remains dull and unmoved. maybe he's really too old to love like this. maybe, it's not that he's too busy to ever search for it like everyone else but because he has all the love for everyone but none ever hold a special place in his heart. for all of katsuki's sharp edges, his feelings burn ever so brightly while izuku has since been numb to his own emotions. to give too much to the world, to his job that he has never let himself fall freely and unconditionally. it's terrifying.

"what if i hurt you instead?" he says, quiet and severe. "what if in the end i couldn't return what you've given me?"

katsuki doesn't answer right away. the air around them tenses, threatening to suffocate them in the waiting silence. then a hand grab his and draws it toward katsuki's chest. "don't fucking underestimate me, idiot. i can and will make you fall in love with me in 6 months. 6 months is more than enough to make you realize what a fucking dumbass you have been the entire time for not taking notice of me while i have been looking at you for almost half of our life," he says with the cocky assurance that propelled him to the no. 2 position and beyond.

for the first time since this exchange had started and taken a strange, strange turn that left him his world shaken to its core, izuku's heart feels lighten. He stifles a giggle. "i still think we should date at least. marriage is maybe jumping the gun a little too soon."

"No." Katsuki's eyes narrow, and he squeezes izuku's hand firmly. "i'm not giving you any chance to escape from this. we can do all the dumb dating things you could ever want but we're getting marry first."

izuku tries to draw his hand back but katsuki remains undeterred. "Kacchan, please," he says. half begging for his hand back and half pleading against his insane idea. who in their right mind would ever marry first then date each other?! That's just not how it work! yet, katsuki is an unmovable fortress against increasing izuku's distress.

"deku," he says, thumb running across izuku's knuckles in a soothing circle, "give me this chance. let me prove it to you that i can do it. take this leap of faith with me and i won't disappoint you. trust me with your heart like you trust me with your life and i promise i will keep it safe."

izuku draws out a long, lingering breath that leaves his head heady with a dawning realization. "o-okay," he finally acquiesces, shaken with the knowledge that his heart suddenly doesn't feel safe at all for the first time in a long time in the hands of the man in front of him. bakugou katsuki is dangerous, but to the tender beat of his heart.

Katsuki's lips stretch upward into a small, precious smile that rarely see the light of day, leaving izuku breathless just for a moment. "we'll go get the marriage license tomorrow."

"tomorrow?!" izuku shrieks.

maybe he has been wrong all along, maybe you're never too old fall in love and experience it for the first time and that sometimes the things that matter the most to you are always worth the wait even if take 3 decades and katsuki always been more patient then people give him credits for.

#bakudeku #not!fic

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unohanadaydreams · 3 years ago

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Okay I’m mentally prepared to ramble about the Hell Arc. No panels, just words.

The first blurb is definitely Ukitake speaking and I’d like to think it’s hiding some bitterness and regret, since he’s in hell, but you know I’m not gonna hold on to hope that it’s anything deep.

Orihime being resigned to laundry as well as just NOT knowing where her son is??? I’m sorry the same Orihime that can sense Ichigo like it’s her fucking job? But y’know uwu it’s okay to be a housewife and this is definitely Kubo showing off his depth of feminist theory and not shoving Orihime in the background bc wife clean and cook and nothing else ooga booga.

Kon as a babysitter is horrifying. The implication that they’ve kept him as a teddy bear for all these years is even more so. Like damn you can’t ask Urahara for ONE gigai after you saved the world, Ichigo? Hope youre paying him a living wage for helping you navigate the terrible twos. Tbh I think it would’ve been better to have a new sidekick and for Kon to be working for Urahara now.

Okay I do think the kid sending souls to Hell on accident is pretty funny. But also it’s definitely Kubo forgetting that Orihime is in the picture and Kazui is not Ichigo. He has more than Isshin; he has Orihime as his mom. He has someone who cares very much that he’s still in his bed and is someone he would talk to about uuuuh sending ppl through a portal. I know women are a different species and are incredibly hard to grasp because of that so it’s okay Kubo.

Ichika being taught by Ikkaku and to a lesser extent Yumichika is very good. Love that enough to gloss over my disappointment at Rukia not teaching her. I just know Byakuya is probably a lil bitter about it too. Rukongai rats 1 Noble clan 0

Booooo Kubo, get off the stage. Pointing out Orihime is at home doing laundry does not fix that she’s there. If she’s not gonna stop Kazui from doing whatever the fuck she might as well be eating bad ramen too.

MAYURI MY BELOVED. You’re so right, king, Urahara is a tasteless capitalist unlike you, who fully commits to the too-organic technological horrors the Seireitei deserves.

Did Kubo forget how to draw Rangiku? Why the fuck is her face so moe. Some of the women look pretty off in the face over all but with Rangiku it’s jarring. I know her face got more moe somewhere in tybw arc but jfc it’s worse here.

I find it hard to believe that Shunsui would stick to a tradition that demands all lieutenants be away and in the human world all at once but maybe he just doesn’t give a shit about anything nowadays. Depression is leading the Gotei 13 now.

It’s not a Bleach surprise attack unless a woman is grievously injured right off the bat.

That being said, I do enjoy the two new lieutenants. The hakama shorts are a Choice but they work somehow. Also a zanpakuto being on nails is fun.

Kira and Akon ❤️ I’m glad Kubo retconned the novels so Kira could make his entrance in a hoodie and black tabi. Hope he gets more depressing and bitter moments tho. Also Akon having so much panel space…..I’ll never recover.

Hell Szayel is so fucking horny which is astounding considering like everything he did was a sex joke in Hueco Mundo arc. His sex appeal has aged like fine wine. Also pure comedy that Ichigo can only ask who he is. If only Uryu were there 😔

So did they have ceremonies for Gin and Kaname because if not then???? Like I understand it’s impossible to make this gel 100% bc its not based on anything other than wanting characters to come back as cool demons and is actively working against previous canon but c’mon. They would’ve noticed before this when no ceremony for Gin and Kaname was held and their reishi haunted everyone via molasses rain drops.

That being said, I love love love the concept of characters coming up from Hell with not holes within them but outside them. They do not need to consume others to feel completion, they are consumed to the point of wanting to fill others. Don’t you recognize me? Don’t you see what you’ve done? Don’t you long to fill that hole inside of you, too? All it takes is dying to reach that nirvana of knowing who you are and what you feel in swirling completion. Even fallen, the fruit of knowledge is divine.

I want Ukitake to say he’s glad Shunsui lived to his face while looking so heartbroken that he didn’t get to live too. I want these two to cry across from one another with a flashback to their idyllic youth. I want it *grabby hands*

Sosuke Aizen has disappeared as in dead? Or are they counting ‘out of Seireitei’ as disappeared. Honestly 50/50 whether he’ll have a form of cameo. On one hand he’s incredibly popular, on the other hand Kubo was floundering with him during tybw so I can’t imagine he gives a shit to bring him back.

As far as new lore for hell butterflies goes, I guess we’ll see how interesting it gets but I highly doubt it’s going to get a lot of thought.

With the way Kazui is smiling, it makes me wonder if someone taught him about the shrine and sending souls to hell. Does he recognize the door? Is Kubo implying that Ukitake has had contact with Kazui? I mean, it would make a LOT of sense considering the fish he was riding, the ritual he knows. It would also make sense why the soul reaper badge was highlighted; Ukitake has been around in some capacity before officially being stomped to hell???

Definitely me thinking too much about it but also there’s no way Kazui just knows this shit without someone from Hell telling him about it even covertly.

This entire arc set up definitely seems like it’ll bring some worthwhile angst and maybe some moments for the more unexplored characters if characters like Akon getting screen time is any education.

Overall not hoping for anything other than good Hell designs and seeing characters do things.

If I don’t see Kenpachi with his beefy titties out I will be disappointed. That’s my bare minimum.

#Kazui is absolutely being led astray by someone in Hell #gonna guess Kubo is joining the ‘making parents criminally incompetent’ club #also MAYURI AND AKON MY BELOVEDS #I just wish Kenpachi had even one panel??????????#he’s so….hes so ❤️#bleach spoilers #bleach hell arc #okay spoilers tags added

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maria-scribbles · 4 years ago

Text

we’re just like kevin bacon!

prompt: for @bricksatanakinswindow ‘s halloween writing challenge! this was initially inspired by "mortal enemies accidentally showing up in matching costumes every fucking year" but once i started writing it kind of snowballed from there and i ended up with this lmao

ship: jj maybank x fem!reader

word count: 4.6k+ (i think this is the shortest thing i’ve ever written lol)

warnings n stuff: childhood enemies to lovers, swearing, mention of underage drinking, halloween shenanigans, makin' out, smut (not too explicit but i still think it's spicy enough to need an 18+ warning), jj and the reader being cute lil nerds and quoting movies back and forth, the author blatantly using some of her personal favorite movies/shows as inspiration for costumes, the author also making her opinions on ghostbusters clear (instead of the human trash can peter venkman, stan the adorable dork known as ray stantz for clear skin)

a/n: this was hella fun to write and i already have so many more halloween fic ideas bouncing around in my head (it's spoopy season, y'all!). title of this fic comes from guardians of the galaxy 😊

Of three things in life you were certain.

One, you loved Halloween more than any other holiday of the year; after all, you and your twin brother Mason were born just after one AM on October 31st so you could say a penchant for all things spooky was in your blood.

Two, Sarah Cameron was your best friend. Being neighbors your whole lives, the two of you were thick as thieves and spent almost every day together, much to the annoyance of both your brother and hers; as much as you loved Mason, sometimes you wished Sarah was your twin instead of him and you knew without question the blonde girl would trade Rafe for you in a heartbeat (with little to no guilt, in fact.).

And three, you absolutely hated JJ Maybank. You'd been at the top of each other's shit lists ever since you were both six years old, when he made fun of you for the stutter you'd had back then and you dumped a full milkshake over his head as payback, and even as time passed and you grew out of your stutter, your disdain for the blond pogue only grew stronger. He was infuriating, plain and simple, and the mere mention of his name made steam come out of your ears.

The boy was just good at being annoying and seemed to love pushing everyone's buttons, yours especially, and always found ways to get under your skin without fail every single time your paths crossed (which was way too often for your liking, but running in the same friend group made it hard to avoid each other). It became an unspoken thing, the great Y/L/N-Maybank feud, with both of you trying your hardest to piss the other off until one of your mutual friends or your brother broke it up and pulled you to opposite corners of the metaphorical ring to take a breather before the next round.

You'd never admit it but deep down you kind of liked it. You liked being at the center of his attention (granted, it was antagonistic in nature but it was attention all the same), his bright blue eyes following your every move whenever you were within his sights and you liked that you were in his thoughts even when you weren't around, a fact proven to you by the tiny notebook Kiara carried around in her pocket recording how many times he mentioned your name. Knowing you lived rent free in his mind brought you an embarrassingly high level of satisfaction that you'd absolutely deny feeling if anyone ever asked, just as you'd deny the fact that he lived rent free in your mind, too.

...At least for most of the year. Everyone, including JJ, knew that to you Halloween was a damn-near sacred time. He knew never to mess with you during the weeks leading up to the holiday and definitely never on the day itself, lest he want yet another milkshake dumped over his blond head. He knew that, the whole damn island knew he did and yet...somehow, some way, he managed to get your blood boiling every. single. year. And you, like a masochistic idiot, let him.

It all started when you were twelve.

You, Mason, and your friends were finally old enough to go to the annual youth party held on the sprawling lawn of the Island Club, an event you'd been looking forward to attending every Halloween since you were eight. Of course, you were excited for the dancing and games and food but the thing you couldn't wait the most for was the costume contest, a chance to show off your skills and prove to everyone on the island that Y/N Y/L/N was the undisputed queen of Halloween.

So what if your hopes were a little too high (considering you were only twelve and going up against kids ranging from your age to fifteen), you were still gonna give it your all; you spent weeks perfecting not only your costume but your brother's as well with your mom, helping her cut fabric and sew zippers, styling wigs and painting props until everything was perfect.

"Oh my God, Y/N!" Sarah, dressed as Cinderella, yelled from the passenger seat of her dad's SUV when they swung by to pick you up. "You look amazing!"

"So do you!" You said, slipping into the back seat in between a miserable-looking Rafe as Sarah Sanderson ("I lost a bet," he explained with a scowl) and Mason, holding your mini R2-D2 on your lap. Was it kind of cheesy, dressing up as the most iconic twins in movie history? Probably, but you really didn't care because Leia Organa was a total boss bitch and Mason was practically over the moon that he got to be his ultimate silver screen hero and swing around his very own lightsaber as Luke Skywalker.

"The Force is strong with you two." Ward joked, earning an eye roll from both of his children as he drove to the Island Club to drop you off. Rafe immediately disappeared into the crowd to meet up with Topper and Kelce and the three of you went off to find your own friends, skirting around the edge of the party toward the snack tables, also known as the most likely place for them to be.

You spotted Kiara first, looking like an actual princess in her Tiana costume and waved, smiling when she waved back and beckoned you over as she said something to Pope, dressed as Albert Einstein, that made him start laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" You asked, reaching between them to grab two handfuls of pretzels and immediately dropping one into your brother's outstretched palm, careful to keep the sleeve of your white dress away from the bright orange-iced cupcakes on the table.

The two of them exchanged a look that instantly made you realize something was Up™ but before either of them could answer, Mason asked around a mouthful of pretzels, "Where're Tweedledee and Tweedledum?"

"J, why didn't we think of that?" John B's voice came from somewhere over your shoulder and when you turned to face him, you nearly dropped both the droid cradled in the crook of your elbow and the snacks in your hand. Not because of John B and his hilarious Chewbacca costume but because of the fact that JJ Maybank, the one person you hated the most on the whole entire island, was dressed as Han freakin' Solo.

"Yikes." Someone muttered behind you -it sounded like Sarah but you weren't really sure- and Mason nearly choked on his pretzels as he tried and failed miserably to keep himself from laughing.

"You've gotta be kidding me." You huffed, rolling your eyes as JJ crossed his arms and glared in your direction, blaster hanging from the holster on his hip.

"Listen, Princess, I'm not too happy about this, either."

"Oh, shut up, you nerfherder."

"Who you calling-" Mason and John B cut in and pulled you both in opposite directions before either of you could turn it into a shouting match, your brother physically grabbing you around the waist and carrying you off while the latter caught the back of JJ's vest and dragged him away. Despite their best efforts to keep you apart, you ran into each other more times than you could count and spent a minute or two squabbling like cats and dogs each time until one of them intervened once again. It was childish, it was immature, and it was fun, even though you'd never, ever admit it. Ever.

You didn't win the costume contest that year in the way you'd imagined at all. Still, first place in the group category was a win in your book and it felt good, even if one of the members of your unintentional Star Wars posse was someone who tested every bit of patience you had. The four of you split the cash prize and you went home 25 bucks richer, stashing it away for next year's costume and pushing the thought of accidentally matching with your mortal enemy from your mind.

You had no idea this thing was only just beginning.

The next year, you let Sarah and Kiara convince you to match with them and the three of you rolled up to the party as the Pink Ladies -you as Rizzo, Sarah as Sandy, Kiara as Frenchy- only to run right into the boys, your brother included, dressed as the T-Birds. John B, perfectly in character as Danny, immediately whisked Sarah off to dance while Pope, the most adorably awkward Doody you'd ever seen, went to grab some snacks with Kiara, leaving you stuck with the bane of your existence as, of course, fucking Kenickie (Mason, as Sonny, dipped sometime before then without you noticing). The two of you spent the whole evening glaring at each other and hurling insults back and forth at breakneck speed, more in character than either of you'd ever want to acknowledge and for the second year in a row, you won first place in the group costume category.

At fourteen, you went as Princess Buttercup and JJ showed up as Westley, fake sword in hand as he followed you around all night like an annoying fly, sarcastically drawling "as you wish" every time you so much as glanced in his direction. Your brother, dressed as Inigo Montoya, nearly pissed himself laughing and you wanted to snatch both of their prop swords and shove them up their asses. You came in first again in the group costume contest and begrudgingly split the prize three ways.

At fifteen, you worked hard on a Dr. Ellie Sattler costume from Jurassic Park, he strolled in as a disheveled Dr. Alan Grant with mud splattered boots and tattered clothes, and you really regretted not taking the offer to be the Tai to Sarah's Cher and Kiara's Dionne. Once again, Mason laughed so hard his face turned red and you were tempted to grab the sword he was holding and beat him over the head with it, not just for laughing at you but also for the completely atrocious Jack Sparrow costume he wore. To your absolute horror, you and JJ won the contest in the duo category and you wanted to melt into the ground when they called you onto the makeshift stage to collect your reward.

When you were sixteen, you and your friends "graduated" to the party held for the older teens inside the club itself. With costume rules a little more lax than they were for the younger kids, you decided to go as (an only slightly sexy) Janine Melnitz, complete with a prop telephone you answered every so often with a loud "Ghostbusters, whaddya want?!" much to the embarrassment of Mason, who was once again dressed as Luke Skywalker, this time in the fatigues he wore while training on Dagobah in The Empire Strikes Back.

You strutted into the party in your heels and pencil skirt only to nearly fall flat on your face when you caught sight of JJ in a terrible black wig and glasses, proton pack strapped to his back and 'Spengler' printed on the front of his jumpsuit. Your brother winced when you all but screeched "Again?!" right into his ear and grabbed your elbow, dragging you over to an empty table and depositing you into an open chair.

"There's no way this is a coincidence anymore! He could've picked Venkman, with all the womanizing and lowkey being a creep and thinking he's God's gift to mankind? It would've been the perfect choice! He's not nearly adorable or dorky enough to be Stantz or sassy enough to be Winston-"

"Jesus, you have a lot of feelings about Ghostbusters," Mason muttered, rolling his eyes when you shot him a withering glare.

"Shut up! Listen to me, there's no way in hell Maybank randomly decided to be, out of alllll the 'Busters, Egon fuckin' Spengler, okay? He had to have somehow known I was coming as Janine and did it just to piss me off!"

Your brother heaved a deep, heavy sigh that made you want to smack him and fixed you with a deadpan stare. "Or, have you pulled your head out of your own ass long enough to think that maybe you're just becoming...predictable?"

You really did smack him then, hard on his exposed shoulder and he yelped, scowling as he rubbed at the red mark you left behind. "Ow! What the hell, bitch?!"

"Don't you dare call me predictable, you dickhead! I pride myself on my costumes being very unique and unexpected -you know, out of the box!"

"Hate to break it to you but they're not really out of the box if Maybank shows up in a matching one every single year." He said with an infuriating, shit-eating grin, patting your shoulder before straightening the plush Yoda strapped to his back. "I'm gonna go get some food, wanna come with?"

Still miffed at his comment, you shoved his arm away and glanced down at your lap, ignoring your brother's sassy "your loss" as he headed toward the snack tables. Not even a minute passed by before his empty seat was taken and you groaned when you looked up to see who it was, your eyes meeting a pair of bright blues behind tacky, oversized glasses.

"Hi, Janine."

"...Egon."

The two of you sat in silence after that, watching the dancing crowd under the flashing neon lights and sparkling disco ball until you saw him turn to face you out of the corner of your eye.

"Why Janine?"

"Huh?" You turned to face him, too, one eyebrow raised in a perfect arch as he gestured toward your costume.

"Why did you dress up as Janine, Y/L/N?"

"I've always liked her sassiness and 'I like to play racquetball.'" You offered a casual shrug of your shoulders and carefully stuck a finger under your wig to scratch an annoying itch above your ear. "Why'd you pick Egon, Maybank?"

"He's my favorite." He answered simply with his own shrug, shooting you a genuine, real smile that you, for who knows what reason, found yourself returning without a second thought. "Smart, hilarious -plus, 'I like to collect spores, mold, and fungus.'"

For the first time in your life, your eyes rolled out of amusement and not annoyance at something that JJ Maybank said and, to your complete surprise, it kind of felt...right. "Really? I'd have pegged you for a Venkman stan."

"Are you kidding? He's the worst!"

Never in your wildest dreams did you ever think you'd sit across from your hated enemy, not only having a civil -hell, downright enjoyable- conversation but actually smiling right along with him, laughing at his jokes and doing your best to ignore the sudden flutter in your stomach each time you caught sight of his slightly crooked teeth when he grinned. You didn't even notice when your brother returned with Kiara, dressed as Moana, at his side and two heaping plates of snacks in his hands until his chair scraped gratingly across the hardwood floor.

"Kie, are you seeing this? Pigs must be flying 'cause they're actually smiling at each other." Mason said, cackling as Kiara turned to squint out the window.

"Yeah, I think I see one or two soaring around out there." She giggled and sent a mischievous wink in your direction. With your face feeling like it was on fire, you flipped them both the bird and took off, disappearing into the crowd and leaving all your traitorous, confusing thoughts about JJ behind with the boy himself; it was Rafe's last party at the Club and he owed you a dance anyway, but even as your best friend's older brother, cute as hell in his Thor costume, playfully twirled you around the floor to the Ghostbusters theme song, you felt more than your partner's blue eyes on you.

To no one's surprise, you and JJ won the duo category for the second year in a row and when you joined him onstage to collect your prize and didn't feel like you'd rather die than be up there by his side, you suddenly realized you were only certain about two things in life instead of three.

At seventeen, you were confident you and JJ wouldn't be matching for once (after last year, though, you were kind of thinking it wouldn't be that bad of a thing). You'd gone cult classic for your costume, pulling inspiration from your mom's favorite move, 1999's The Mummy, and put together a screen-accurate Evelyn Carnahan in her iconic black dress, including a handmade Book of the Dead and matching key. You blackmailed Mason with pictures of him, drunk as a skunk and dressed in your Janine costume from the previous year, and got him to go as Jonathan, complete with a pith helmet and prop bottle of The Glenlivet.

But, as always, JJ managed to surprise you. You literally ran right into his chest and if it wasn't for his arms instantly wrapping tight around your waist, you would've bit it hard.

"Whoa, careful there," He said, one hand keeping you close while the other moved to help you hold the book in your arms. "'The Book of the Dead? Are you sure you wanna be messing around with this thing?'"

Of course he'd make the perfect Rick O'Connell, you thought as you playfully raised one eyebrow and curled your fingers around the strap of the gun holster draped over his shoulder. "'It's just a book. No harm ever came from reading a book.'"

Mason was a little too in character as well as he dramatically rolled his eyes and wandered off, muttering "puh-lease" under his breath and shooting Sarah a conspiratorial wink that you didn't see. The blonde girl glanced between the two of you -arms still around each other and identical smiles on your faces- and grinned. The party flew by in a blur of movie quotes, laughs, and more dances than you could count and by the time you made it home, 50 bucks in the pocket of your dress and another group costume win under your belt, you were almost positive you never actually hated JJ Maybank in the first place.

Now at eighteen, you pulled out all the stops for your last party at the Island Club. You'd spent the last few months slaving over your costume, sewing custom pieces, hand-crafting your prop, and spending way too much money on body makeup and a wig but when you saw the final product in the mirror, you knew it was all worth it. You were ready to slay the competition this year and take home first place for the final time.

Mason, indifferent as always about the contest but willing to do anything to keep those pictures from seeing the light of day, didn't protest one bit when you forced him into the matching costume you'd made for him -in typical Mason fashion, he liked that he didn't have to wear a shirt and could show off his muscles- and spent a few hours perfecting his makeup.

You felt on top of the world when you walked into the party that night as Gamora, a replica of her Godslayer sword in hand and skin painted a perfect shade of green, followed by your brother as Drax, already flexing for anyone and everyone looking his way. The rest of your friends came to win as well: John B and Sarah as Flynn Rider and Rapunzel, Kiara as Eleven, Pope as T'Challa, and, of course, JJ as Peter Quill, Baby Groot perched on his shoulder and twin blasters at his hips.

"Lookin' good, Gamora!" He called over the music, shimmying his way over to you with some dance moves that would impress Star-Lord himself.

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Quill." You replied in a sing-song voice, even as you took his outstretched hand and let him pull you into the crowd of bodies hopping up and down to some terrible EDM beat under the twirling disco ball.

"It got you out here with me, didn't it?"

You rolled your eyes and hooked the sword to your belt before stepping closer and draping your arms around his neck, twirling your painted fingers in his hair. "Just remember, 'I know who you are, Peter Quill. And I'm not some starry-eyed waif here to succumb to your pelvic sorcery.'"

You should've known you spoke too soon the second you saw the spark in JJ's eyes that all but screamed 'wanna bet?'

And that's how you found yourself in the middle of the single hottest make out session you'd ever had the pleasure of participating in an hour later: back pressed against the locked door of someone's deserted office, legs wrapped tight around his waist and his hands hooked under your ass, both your sword and his blasters abandoned on the floor at his feet, and he was either a sinfully good kisser or trying really, really hard to blow your mind.

"I'm not gonna end up green after this, am I?" He mumbled against your mouth before trailing his lips along your jaw and you breathed a laugh, tightening your grip on his hair.

"This is professional makeup, dumbass. It's gonna take more than some kissing to smudge it."

"I'm down for some smudging if you are."

You pulled him back for another kiss in response and gasped into his mouth when he walked across the room, one strong arm reaching out to sweep whatever was on the desk to the floor before setting you down on it.

"Confident, are we?"

JJ smirked at your breathless question and the way you hooked your ankles around the backs of his thighs to pull him closer. "So is that a yes to the smudging?"

"Just shut up and kiss me."

He did -very well, you might add- and you kissed him back, untangling your hands from his hair to slide them under his jacket instead; you helped him push it off his shoulders and it had barely hit the ground along with poor Baby Groot before your fingers were tugging his shirt from the waistband of his pants.

"Someone's impatient." He teased, leaning back just far enough to let you pull it over his head and toss it somewhere behind you.

"Someone doesn't know how to stop talking." You whispered your reply low in his ear and then trailed your lips down his neck, smiling in satisfaction at the tremble in his voice when you kissed the purple mark you'd left behind earlier.

"N-never was very good at that."

"'You should've learned.'"

"'I don't learn, it's one of my issues.'"

One of his hands gripped your wig, pulling your head back a little roughly -you'd have so been into that if it had been your real hair he pulled- and you winced at the way the bobby pins holding it it place tugged painfully at your roots. "Ow, not so hard!"

"Wait, what the fuck? I thought you were wearing a wig!"

"I am but it's still pinned to my actual hair!"

"Sorry, but how the hell was I supposed to know that?"

The sight of JJ's face slowly turning red made the butterflies in your stomach go haywire and so you just shook your head, mumbling "don't worry about it," before pressing your lips to his once again. He was gentler this time with the pulling and you dug your nails into his bare shoulders at the thrill of his mouth against the exposed column of your throat, leaning back further and further until you laid flat on the desk.

His fingers had just unbuttoned your pants when your phone started to ring from your pocket, blaring the Star Wars theme you had set as your twin's ringtone.

"Mason's timing is impeccable," JJ said sarcastically, chuckling as you clamped a palm over his mouth and answered the call.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Jesus, no need to be pissy!" Mason loudly replied over the applause crackling through the phone's speaker. "I just thought you'd like to know that we just won best group costume with Maybank. Again."

The blond winked at the mention of his last name and pulled your hand away from his mouth, pinning it to the desk beside you with one of his while the other started tugging your pants down over your hips.

"Oh, that's cool, Mase-" You inhaled sharply when his lips touched the edge of your underwear, so close to where you wanted him most but at the same time so far away, and your fingers held your phone in a white-knuckled grip. "But I-I'm kind of in the middle of doing someone -something!- right now."

"Smooth," JJ said, not even trying to be quiet as he released your pinned hand to finish pulling your boots off, along with your tight leather pants that he casually tossed aside. "And I knew you weren't green under these!"

Your laugh quickly turned into a gasp when his fingers hooked under your panties and pulled those off, too, and the touch of his tongue against the skin of your inner thigh sent white-hot lightning racing through your veins; the phone slipped from your grip, falling with a clunk onto the desk as your fingers tangled in his hair and he lifted one of your knees over his shoulder.

"Okay, I'm hanging up now! I already know you're getting laid but I don't need to hear it." Mason's loud grumble drifted up through the speaker and if you weren't so preoccupied with the boy between your thighs doing some downright wicked things to you with his mouth, you might've noticed that your brother didn't actually sound that grumpy before he ended the call and your phone's screen went dark, right as you lost control of your voice.

"Fuck me."

"Funny, I thought that's what I was doing?" You felt more than heard his response against you and a shiver ran down your spine when his bright blue eyes flicked up to met yours in the dim light of the office.

"You know what I meant, Maybank."

"Trust me, Y/L/N, I know. Question is: where do you want me?"

You tugged on his hair, grinning wolfishly at the way his eyes fluttered closed and a low moan rose from his throat. "Everywhere in this damn room, starting right here."

"I was hoping you’d say that.”

- Back at the party, Mason looked up and met Sarah's gaze, both of her eyebrows raised expectantly as she asked, "Well?"

He took his time slipping his phone back into his pocket before giving her a quick nod, grinning triumphantly when she immediately burst into gleeful giggles.

"Yes! I just knew they had a thing for each other! Mortal enemies, my ass."

"I think that was the very first time in my sister's life that she didn't give a shit about the contest." Mason said and reached over to snag a cookie from her plate, chuckling when she pushed his hand away from the chocolate chip ones and toward the peanut butter. "We couldn't have pulled this off without you. I mean, making sure they showed up in matching costumes every year? Genius, Sarah. Absolutely genius."

The blonde girl grabbed her own cookie with a wink. "Think they'll ever figure it out?"

Your brother just threw his head back and laughed. "I hope not! I wanna save that story for my best man speech at their wedding."

taglist: @sinkbeneathwaves @cordeliascrown @maysbanks @jjpogueprincess @jiaraendgame @alexa-playafricabytoto @sexualparkour @agirlwholovescoffee

#brickswritingchallenge #outer banks #jj maybank #obx fic #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #outer banks imagine #obx imagine #obx x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #obx fanfic

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therenlover · 4 years ago

Note

that list says blurb, so here we go...

young Daniel, LIL era Daniel, playing Sky in Mamma Mia and singing Lay All Your Love On Me

((Okay I took this shit and ran in another direction with it because @creme-bruhlee loves to indulge my ridiculous ideas. Sorry lol))

How The Danny Bunch Would Do Performing "Lay All Your Love On Me" From Mamma Mia From Worst To Best

Number Seven: Laszlo Kreizler (The Alienist)

Poor Laszlo would be absolutely miserable trying to do the whole number.

Like... the whole dance includes push-ups and barrel rolls and all that crazy cardio stuff, so with his arm being the way that it is he would just have a terrible time.

More than once he'd get stuck like a turtle on his back unable to get up from both physical inability and just plain exhaustion.

He'd probably be taken out of the number at his own request about 2 weeks into rehearsals, so we'd never get to actually see him in the diving suit and flippers.

Honestly, it would be for the best though.

I can't imagine how John and Sara would react to seeing him perform.

His dignity would be safe for another day, at least for now...

Number Six: Checo (Paradise Mall)

Checo, though attractive, would not want to be there at all.

Like, he has a million better things to do with his time that don't involve humiliating costumes and hours worth of dance rehearsals every week

He probably wouldn't even show up for the actual performance.

That being said, he'd be around a little longer than Laszlo, and he would actually end up wearing the cute costume at least once, so he doesn't get put in dead last

When it comes to the actual dancing he wouldn't put in any effort

Like... he'd consistently not actually know the moves and would be several beats behind because he'd just halfheartedly follow along with what the other guys were doing.

Checo has potential, and if he actually tried he'd be higher on the list

But he refuses to try, therefore, he is at the bottom of the people actually dancing.

Number Five: Niki Lauda (Rush)

Ah, Niki. What can I even say about Niki...

He, like Checo, does not want to be involved at all.

That being said, Niki is not a quitter, so he would show up and give it his absolute all because he might hate it, but he would refuse to be anything but the best.

That being said, effort can't save everything.

I feel like it wouldn't matter how much Niki rehearsed the moves or did his best to do them right.

He would just look really, really ridiculous.

Not that he would accept that. No, no, no, he would be convinced that he was the absolute best, and when he was confronted with facts that showed him that his assumption wasn't true, he'd get really, really bitter.

In fact, he'd probably even put aside his need to be the best and team up with another dancer if he thought it would mean someone else wasn't better than he was anymore.

More on that later

Also, Niki would look like a fool in the costume.

It's flattering on a lot of people, but with his bouncy little curls it would just be a hot mess

Number Four: Ernst Schmidt (The Cloverfield Paradox)

Schmidt, like Niki, does not want to be involved and is not gifted with the talent that is being able to dance with any semblance of internalized rhythm.

He's a scientist, not a dancer, and that's for good reason.

That being said, Schmidt's attitude is really what sets him about Niki.

He might despise being involved and complain about the experience to anyone who will listen, whether they're in the cast or just strangers, but he would give it a good effort and wouldn't try to tear other people down just because he's a bad dancer.

In the end, he wouldn't do too badly, and he's on the better end of things as far as the Dannys go.

I also think that by the end of the experience, he would be secretly glad he was involved.

Even for hot-headed guys like Schmidt, it can be fun to blow off some steam and just have some stupid fun, even if you make a fool of yourself while doing it.

If any of his teammates recorded it, though, he would simply kill them, so if anyone had a tape of the performance it would have to be a big secret.

Number Three: Andrea Marowski (Ladies In Lavender)

Oh, sweet Andrea would be having the time of his life and I refuse to believe any different.

I have no doubt that he'd be the one that dragged all the other Dannys into this and they couldn't say no because lets be honest, who could risk making Andrea upset? Nobody. Not even the most heartless of bastards.

Andrea is a musician, and he's decently fit and pretty young, so he'd probably do alright with learning the actual choreography.

What he lacks in skill he'll make up for in heart.

That being said, he probably would get so caught up in the excitement of it all that he'd trip over his own feet a few times like an overexcited puppy, so he wouldn't be the very best.

Everyone would tell him he was though, and it would make his whole life.

As for the costume, we basically already saw him in something close to it when he wore the one-piece bathing suit in Ladies In Lavender, so we know he pulls it off well.

He'd look extra funny in the flippers though.

I can see him doing the goofy run with them on backstage and just grinning like a fool saying "Look! Duck feet!"

Number Two: Helmut Zemo (Falcon and the Winter Soldier)

Now, Helmut Zemo may be getting older, but I am a firm believer that he was trained in dance for at least part of his young adulthood.

That means he would pick up the choreography fast, and execute it with a dancer's precision, especially since it isn't super tough skill-wise, it just takes the ability to keep a rhythm in your body and the strength to do the cardio of it for several minutes.

Zemo can do both of those things.

That being said, he is getting older, so he would have some struggles when it came to the more strenuous moves.

The biggest setback for Zemo isn't his skill, or even looking silly in the costume (though I personally think he'd absolutely kill the look)

No, his issue would lay with his ego, because Zemo, even if he thought the whole thing was the stupidest idea he'd ever heard, would need to feel like he was the best.

Just like Niki, he'd get bitter when he realized the attention was going towards someone else.

So, inevitably, he would team up with Niki to do whatever it took to distract the audience and win back the eye of the watchers.

Nobody likes that asshole, so he doesn't to be on top; sorry Zemo.

Also, just for funsies, Bucky and Sam absolutely would come, and they absolutely would make fun of him for it forever as he defended it as an "expression of his inner youth and freedom"

And, Number One: Alex Kerner (Goodbye, Lenin!)

Now, this may come out of left field, but hear me out.

Alex is young and attractive, so he's already got that going for him.

He's also a laborer (he installs satellites) so he would probably be able to keep up with the physical aspects that would be required.

The biggest thing that would make him the most charming and adorable one up there, though, is that he would be doing it all to see little Paula smiling up at him from the audience.

So, even if he thought that whole thing was stupid, he'd put his heart into it.

That combined with his other traits would be enough to win over everybody who saw him as a shining diamond in the rough.

Also, come on, just imagine Alex in one of those wetsuits. He would be too hot for his own good.

Zemo and Niki would totally try to steal the spotlight, but Alex would just be so endearing that nobody would take the bait.

Basically, I wanna give Alex a big smooch after frothing at the mouth as I watch him do high kicks in those stupid flippers

BONUS ROUND

Young Daniel Bruhl would be the one actually playing Sky, because he's the leading man of the bunch.

He'd probably get all shy about the vocal aspect of it.

He would kill it though, no matter how humble he acted about the whole thing.

His costume would be a little different, just swim trunks and the flippers, but he would still rock it and have everybody drooling because duh.

Nobody would be paying attention to him for most of it though.

Because let's be honest, Daniel is wonderful, but the fools doing his backup dancing would be causing enough chaos that people couldn't help but be distracted.

#jac rambles #zemo #baron zemo #helmut zemo #baron helmut zemo #daniel bruhl #daniel bruhl imagine #daniel bruhl headcanon #laszlo kreizler #checo (paradise mall)#alex kerner #andrea marowski #ernst schmidt #niki lauda (rush)

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nkhrchuwuya · 3 years ago

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Hi! Congrats on 500 followers 🥳 super deserved! I'd like to participate in the event too 😄 I'll start pointing out how clumsy I am. U name it I'll get it: papercuts, bruises, twisting an ankle... very introverted but once you get past my walls I'm very loyal + could outtalk a parrot. Pretty independent, very indecisive and hardworking ,sometimes too much as my coping mechanism when things go wrong is overworking myself to exhaustion (as that's sth I can control and I'm a bit of a control freak

thank you so much anon! i hope you continue to enjoy the content i put out for you guys 😊

here's some chuu stuff for you:

at first chuuya reprimands you for your clumsiness. like he's genuinely concerned about you but there's also a dash of irritation like "why can't they get their shit together??". but the more he spends time with you and is the one taking care of you after a lil clumsy attack, the more he comes into terms with the fact that that's just how you are! and he becomes fine with it.

he does "clumsyproof" a lot of things in the penthouse for you of course. no sharp corners, a tipping-proof mug for you, not-glass wine glasses, the sticky things you put under a rug so they don't slip... it's up to you if you appreciate it at once or feel it's a little infantilizing, but he really just wants to look out for you.

your introversion means it takes a while for you to warm up to chuuya, so it's a pleasant surprise when he finally unlocks your talkative mode! he's great at being a chameleon around people- just part of his training- so while you were more reserved, he was too. the moment you unlock your doors for him, he also lets out the louder side of him, and you guys just vibe together!

if you ever mention that to him ("i could outtalk a parrot") he will lovingly call you his little parrot, no irony at all. especially when you're out rambling again. he says it with so much love it's so endearing even if the nickname's a little weird LOL

loves your independence. definitely lets you do your thing on your own without him hanging around, because he doesn't want to hamper that strong part of you. of course he'll still be around- one call or text away- but appreciates the extra saved braincells in not having to baby you that way. (of course, in the case that you want to be babied, he's right there too.)

gifts you a really special, rather antique coin one day, and you're like, "ok? what's this for?" and he says it's a lucky coin that'll help guide you to make choices. he knows your indecision can sometimes bother you, and an item that'll be able to at least knock out a little bit of your problems is something he'd provide. he teaches you the trick too, where you toss the coin and if you catch yourself thinking "i wish it was heads/tails" you pick the one your brain ends up revealing to you! he says he did it a lot as a youth in the mafia trying to figure out what chaos to do next lol.

will definitely make sure that you have all the resources to make your work life easier. whether that's an item (a gadget, a book) or support (someone to bring tea, or to remind that it's dinnertime) he tries to be there for you when he can.

somehow i can imagine him introducing you to the black lizard, and they're just so thrilled to meet you because he's hyped you up to such a ridiculous degree. not sitting down and ranting about you, just little things he drops like "oh yeah they'd like this." "this isn't safe for them lol clumsy ass" "i would die for a loyalty like that" and it's just a fun time with them, if you manage to put down your walls enough to let them in ^^

overall, chuuya enjoys your company because he somehow finds a mirror of himself in you, a little rash, a little always in danger, but entirely loyal and passionate about what they do.

#anonymous #chuuya's special someone event #nakahara chuuya #bungou stray dogs #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs imagines #bsd imagines #bsd x reader

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happytroopers · 3 years ago

Text

Book of Boba Fett catching up Eps 4- 6

Spoilers below obvi

Episode 4

Time for more Bacta flashbacks???

I love banthas quality animal

When do we get the slave 1 back

I miss her

HE TALKS TO HIS BANTHA LORD I LOCE THIS MAN

get you a man who can roast small

Mammals

THE TAIL WAG

AHHHH KTS FENNECS EP YES YES UES

Perhaps my man Din makes an appearance

Ming Na Wen is so gorgeous

I love the theme so much

A lil village

More cyber punk youths

TECH LOOK A LIKE

Headcanon: that’s techs offspring

So I think this solely bc of the goggles and curly hair? Yes

Hack shop for ppl

Is this a uniquely human trend???? Is this the Star Wars equivalent of fast fashion??!?

Don’t love the space dubstep but I do imagine this is what 79s sounds like

I love when Boba goes all serious Stoic and Serious™️

“Why not just ask for it back?”

Boba, who hadn’t even thought of that, “….. I might not like the answer”

HES INSECURE

tiny spy droid :,)

I love a man who loves his pets

Make baby banthas :))))

Lil rats :)

If she had all this stuff why the fuck did she not just kill that lil prick that shot her before he got the chance

Knife hand magee

GREIVOUS WANNA BE

OH J LOVE THESE LIL GUYS I CALL THEM BUNNY DROIDS

Leave him alone !!! He’s scared!!!!

The feminine urge to shut ur self down when ur not having a good time

Fennec I love u

I really have no grasp for how long he was in the Sarlacc pit bc Slave 1 looks TERRIBLE

HE LOOKS SO SAD

I just imagine that being in slave 1 takes so much core strength

Not the spare sail barge

There’s no way they can hear each other

Fennec said haven’t you heard, we’re besties.

SLAVE ONE SLAVE ONE

He said time to investigate

I feel a jump scare coming

And there it is

Temeura’s teeth are so white

I loved those bombs s

Sensory pleasing sounds

MEN “don’t touch my buttons” AS IF SHE DIDNT JUST SAVE UR ASS

Lovingly pours water on ur head :,)

I love when they put the twilight blue tint on the flash backs

No more chronic illness :)

MAX REBO LOVE OF MY LIFE

Emo Wookiee !!!

Boba’s like Ope alright then I just got here

She’s so pretty I love her

I love the shimmer cape,,, I want one

As a bartender I can contend that free drinks fix everything

But apparently not that

“It was worth a shot”

THE SHRUGS

BUNNY DROID IS BACK

Protective beast I love it :)))

Asking a room full of career criminals to be trustworthy is. Not smart????

Honestly the Pykes can suck a toe

Money can be exchanged for goods and services.jpeg

MANDO THEME MANDO THEME MANDO THEME

I feel like a lot of this episode was unnecessary but so far it’s been the most attention holding episode

Episode 5

SPACE BUTCHERS

I love when Star Wars reminds us that they have normal jobs too

NO WAY NOW WAY

ITS MY HUSBAND

Dramatic entrance that no one watched

Did you see him looking for approval

The things that man could do to me

Wish he had his son :,(

Dilf without the D

Good ole tracking fob- the question is what do they track bc if ur being hunted,,, wouldn’t you get rid of anything that could track you????

Options: can you bring warm or cold

I FUCKINF KNEW IT

Din pls beat the shit out of me

DARK SAVER DARK SABER

Awww buddy :( need some more training

That was hot

He said union rights

Din pls come kill my boss so I can pillage the safe

Also pls see a doctor and train some more ur gonna lose a limb

Ok but I kinda love this planet setup

Lil space ring artificial gravity city scape could be fun

I love awkward elevator scenes they are the peak of comedy to me

YES MLRE STAR WARS CLUBS

He’s got things to DO

ID PUT THAT ON ICE IF I WRRE YOU

Din back with the comedy

Thighs thighs thighs

Something ab an injured man that you know is dangerous

Mando tagging systems kinda like hobos

This feels not OSHA approved

Lil space walk in the evening

He’s so tired

AYEEEE ITS THE ARMORER

The groaning 👀👀👀👀

Big boy is getting some ideas

Here for the Bo Karan Kryze

For someone who has so much information of Jedi the Armorere sure gave Din absolute SCRAPS when he first started his quest

NOT THE BELL RINGING BNK

Ok this all seems very unnecessary

This is why there’s so few Mandolorians

No common sense

VIBROBLAXE

Oop the truth comes out

Listen I need din to be happy some how some way

PART OF MY RELIGION line returns

This is another of my fave tropes

“You need to disarm” proceeds to take FOREVER

“I know every thing that’s in there”

>:( angry point

HE MISSES HIS SON

also kids like that are fucking annoying

He’s going to tatooine

For why

STAR TLURS DROID

PELI!!! I love this bitch!!!

DINS HIP SHOTS MAKE BE FERAL

NUBIAN STAR FIGHTER

“This baby can fit so many * slaps hood *” energy

MAN UNDER BEHICALE IM GONNA FROTH AT THE MOUND

PELI IS A FURRY

Yeah we can tell you’ve never been off world bestie

She’s a LOCAL GAL

GONK

Being able to be nice to droids,,, character development

New ship new man

Soft violin theme :,)

This thing is a death trap

NOT THE POD RACING TRACK

This is giving me vertigo

It’s the sticky kid again!!!

I feel like harassing commercial flight is definitely a violation

YEP

NOT THE REMOTE ACCESS

It zips!!!

NOT WIZARD AGAIN

This is a Phantom Menace homage

BESKTE VIBES ONLY

BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD,,, TWILIGHT’S victoria ????

I loved this episode but let’s be honest this was just an episode of the Mandolorian

Episode 6

I stg I can not deal with Din and Boba on screen together again

I assure you I will be going feral whore mode

Like an unneutered dog

NO NOT COBB VANTH IM LITERALLY GONNA MELT

I wanna be a cowboy baby :)

Why are the Pykes selling to other Pykes??? That business model is just bad

OK BUT ANYONE WHO BREATHES KN THAT BREEZE IS FONNA GET HIGH AS GHCK

COBB CMON NOW SOME COMMON SENSE

R2 R2 R2

My fave war criminal

R2 said “greetings loved ones met take a journey”

Ant droid colony????

“Wake up!” >:|

Resigns to the bench fate

BABY YODA

(Grogh is a dumb name I stand by that)

CGI twink

him hungry >:/

Not him teaching grogh how to make a Buffett

HES SO HAPPY

CHANEL BOOTS

LUKE HELPING HIM KEEP UP

I’m still hoping they just kinda 180 and when grogu is old enough he talks normally and proves that Yoda was just a freak

HOW MANY TIMES WILL ORDER 66 hurt me

Shows a child a trauma they forgot “Welcome back 🥰”

Taking a lil nappy nap

AHSOKA MY BITCH

OLD FRIEND OF THE FAMILY

R2 AHSOKA REUNION

She’s getting the mannerisms down better

Din said stop making me self reflect >:,(

Ahsoka’s montral looks better now than they did in Mandos2

FIST BUMP

OH GROGUS SAD

Besties I am u well

GROGU/YODA backpack parallel !!!

LIL HOPPY HOP

Do or do not there is no try call back

MORE BACKPACK

is this Bryce Dallas Howard too bc this is very twilight Esque

TWILUGHT PARRAELLE

Grogu does yoga

Ok I would like to see Boba now

More accurately I would KILL to see Boba interact with Grogu

IF DIN SAW THAT HED LOSE HIS MIND

BACK FLIP BITCH

Training to do war crimes :)

SO MUCH LIKE UR FATHER IM SCREAMING

What I really need is to see Ahsoka and Leia interact it would clear my skin and water my crops

My instincts say to give Grogu back to Din to restore Dilf rights

My fave lil wiggler :)

ANOTHER HOT COWBOY????

BOTH LOST SOMETHING WE WETE FOND OF IM SOBBJNG

City Folk fight lmao

That big smile of yours let’s you get away with anything

Cobb that was a lil fruity

DARTH MAUL????

CAD BANE CAD BANE CAD BANE

WHORE HAT WHORE HAT

Southern Drawl y’all!!!!

He looks sick :(

But also by now he’s gotta be ANCIENT

NOT MY HOT COWBOYS

BOMB THEY LEFT A BOMB

DRUG RHNNERS AND TERRORISTS

ITS BABY SIZED

I love how post originals we’re all ab reduce reuse recycle with the lightsabers

Ok now that we’ve set up Mando s3 can we get back to Boba??

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trashcanfills · 4 years ago

Text

Because someone needs to provide some gamer shimada bros content and Im here to deliver.

Apologies if formatting is weird cus Im usually on mobile.

Ok we all unanimously agree that Genji is def a weeb and a gamer, since he does frequent arcades in his youth and gotten high scores on them.

But what about HANZO?

Some ppl might go like eh he’s terrible cus he has absolutely no experience or lack experience in gaming since he’s the oldest son and hEIR of the Shimada Family and is too busy to even indulge in any sort of “fun”. WHICH. Is a good and valid headcanon considering the kind of person he is.

I previously made a post abt reading this unfinished fic on secret gamer hanzo and honestly before reading that fic I would prob agree with this grp of ppl. But now Im aware that secret gamer hanzo is a thing and holy shit Im digging it.

Like ok it’s completely ridiculous to even have hanzo to NOT have some fun while he was young right? (Unless your parents are completely cold and seeing u as a tool which I hope and pray that the bros parents are not but lets not get into that) So I can visualise the shimada bros bonding over games while they were young and enjoying their childhood. They would be competitive af and also play like a number of multiplayer games, with genji being a lil shit dallying around whenever they co-op and hanzo just going can we PLEASE complete the damn objectives cus thats so them lol.

Kinda makes me wonder abt the kind of gamers they are. Thanks to that fic, it gave me the idea of hanzo being a speedrunner and thats. So. Good??????? That idea???? Like cmon hes a perfectionist and I can see him playing a game repeatedly just to get used to it and start timing himself on how fast he can beat it. Completing games 100% i feel would be more of genjis thing, since he seems the kind to prefer exploring and wandering every nook and cranny looking for interesting shit. Hanzo wont really care much for exploration, just winning in the quickest time possible, tho thats just me opinion.

I can see this fitting in the storyline, where genji and hanzo discover gaming and both bond over that shit. Genji would love to play all kinds of games of genres. Not sure what he would lean towards though i would presume fast paced action kind of games for the thrill and excitement (since he does play arcade and does extremely well). Genji plays games to have fun and a good time, def acts like a lil shit in multiplayer games like trolling in chat or trashtalking. He likely has tried almost every game at least once, no matter how obscure or ridiculous it is. Pretty good at party games too, from his time socialising (both sfw and nsfw kinds). After spending time with zen i can see him also taking a liking to the more relaxing chill games like animal crossing.

Meanwhile hanzo is a picky ass motherfucker with most of the games he plays. He def does play the classics/mainstream games, but hes in it to feel a sense of accomplishment (and superiority). It has to be good quality games with clear objectives to fulfil thats for sure or like games that are useful in exercising his intellect. More into rpgs, puzzles, strategies. Prefers single player cus people are annoying at times (and hold him back oof). Competitive af. Likely not as a natural gamer like genji, but makes it up for his insane hard work and dedication to improve his skills. I like to think that he and genji saw some a vid of sb speedrunning a game they are both into a lot and he got hooked. Is part of the speedrunning community for sure and keeps up to date with all the latest speedrunning strats.

Oh boi and imagine dva the resident gamer finding out abt the shimada bros. She will get genji to play with her at times and its a blast. Hanzo not as much cus hes an emotionally constipated fuck who doesnt know how to socialise, but hoo boi when hana makes him play a game he was experienced in and he gets into it, shes def gon drag genji and hanzo into her daily gaming streams, but mostly hanzo cus he needs more social interaction. I dunno. I mean I can see hana and hanzo bonding tgt very well. And also cus I want to see hana’s wtf face when hanzo pulls all the insane speedrunning strats, and also hana encouraging hanzo to actually work on getting some world record speedruns. That would be cool.

Yea imma sum up those thoughts up for now but like essentially gamer hanzo? Fuck yea

#ideas #overwatch #ow #overwatch headcanons #overwatch imagines #ow headcanons #ow imagines #hanzo shimada #genji shimada #gamer hanzo shimada #gamer shimada bros #cmon #i really love this idea #pls dont bash me for it its only an opinion

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dahniwitchoflight · 4 years ago

Text

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

#Homesquared #june egbert #john egbert #yeah theres no way there not gonna bring up June Egbert as a apossibility now #Roxy couldn't have quirked her eyebrows harder at the fourth wall if they had tried #Homestuck #I'm basically convinced now lol #that plus my reaction to chapter 14

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sergeanttpoliteness · 5 years ago

Text

➹types of kisses➹(peter parker x reader)

A colorful collection of your many types of kisses, because a kiss can have more than just one meaning.

a/n: i know i’m three days late, but this is my christmas present :) (sorry for the shitty title) it’s kinda different to what i usually write because there’s really no... plot? it’s just one big but short compilation of fluff and tropes that will give you real bad diabetes. i was gonna include a break-up kiss but bc i’m nice, i decided against it lmaoooo. also !! i wrote this for ps4 peter, but i honestly can imagine it with mcu peter as well-- just choose whatever you prefer ! anyway, i hope whoever is reading this has a wonderful new year, ily.

warnings: making out, a lil bit of grinding but nothing more than that, cursing.

——-

FIRST KISS - KISS ME IN THE PARK, WE’LL MEET UP AFTER DARK

It wasn’t exactly how you wanted it to be.

Not that you thought about kissing Peter Parker too much, anyway. He was one of your best friends, and who thinks about kissing friends? Definitely not you.

Alright, that was a lie— you used to think about it. A lot. And unbeknownst to you, he did as well. However, contrary to your lack of knowledge about his urges, you did know that, for a while now, his feelings towards you changed. And, similarly, he was aware that your own feelings for him, too, transformed into something more. Further than friendly embraces or innocent sleepovers when you were little kids. Bigger than platonic emotion. More than a simple friendship.

It lingered in your minds and was evident in everyone’s eyes, yet neither of you had the courage to move past friendship.

One night at eleven-thirteen, as the two of you— two grown-ups— were in a playground, doing the spider on a swing together and laughing enough that your stomachs ached, that craving to meet his lips resurfaced with such vigor, it spilled out of your mouth.

“Can I say something?!” You laughed as you swayed higher into the air, a yelp involuntarily fleeting past your lips and your legs tightening around Peter’s waist since you feared you were close to falling off the swing and on your back. “Thank you for picking up— shit!— the phone! I really missed you, you know— ow, okay, this really hurts!”

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough,” Peter’s feet immediately skidded against the ground to put your swinging to a halt, sand flying everywhere. Once you were still, you both remained giggling and with youthful smiles that reached your eyes. “Of course I was gonna pick up the phone. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” He said, and you had to hold yourself back from making a face at the word ‘friend’. You couldn’t complain— that’s that you were, after all. Except that this didn’t feel like merely hanging out, rather it appeared like a date.

“It’s pretty late, though.”

Peter shrugged. “Even if it were three AM, I’d still answer any of your calls.”

Your face softened and you bit the inside of your cheek, staring down at your lap. “That’s cute. But if you called me at three AM, I’d tell you to fuck off and then go back to sleep.” Peter opened his mouth in disbelief at your honesty, shaking his head.

“Wow, thanks. I’m glad our love is mutual.”

“It is mutual,” And it was indeed. “I just express it differently. For example, I tell you to stop working yourself to the bone so you can hang out with me and do adult stuff.” You placed one hand on his shoulder and gestured with the other to the empty playground you were in.

Peter chuckled, quirking a brow whilst he unconsciously began to move the two of you back and forth a little. “Adult stuff, huh?” You nodded solemnly.

“This is very mature.” You raised your nose in a not-so-mature way. Peter copied your previous gesture, humming.

“You’re right. Playgrounds were made for twenty-three-year-olds, after all.”

You giggled, but then changed your expression into a more stern one. “For real, you gotta give yourself a break.” You warned him, shaking your finger at him to add more of an emphasis, however, instead you amused him more than anything in the process.

He raised his hands. “Hey, it’s the city that never sleeps.” He defended, but you narrowed your eyes, giving him a look that was enough to communicate you were not accepting any humor. He dropped his hands and hung his head dramatically, sighing. “All right, I’ll try. But I can’t promise anything.”

You smiled sadly. “I know you can’t.” You quickly exchanged your frown for a smirk. “But if you don’t listen to me, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to make it up to me.” You joked, and Peter cocked his head to one side, wearing a crooked smile.

“How, exactly?”

All playfulness vanished and the warmth within your stomach took the spotlight yet again. Kiss me, a thought popped into your head, threatening to control your tongue. But you couldn’t. Even if your eyes accidentally flickered down to his mouth, and he undoubtedly noticed, for he gripped the swing’s chains tightly. You really wanted to say it.

So you chose to do it.

“Maybe you could…” You trailed off as soon as you caught onto some movement in the background, your sight shifting from Peter’s face to it. Suddenly, your eyes grew wide. “Oh, fuck.”

“W-What?” Peter turned to look behind his back, but before he could observe anything, he felt your legs unwrap from his body followed by a heavy object hitting the ground. His head whipped back to stare at you, and now his eyes were the ones about to pop out of his sockets when he saw you on the ground. “Y/N! Jeez, are you okay—”

You jumped to your feet, not bothering to dust off the sand off your clothes before you yanked Peter away from the swing, shushing unnecessarily louder and completely opposing your intention. “Shut up! We have to hide!” You hissed at him, peeking behind his body.

Peter tried following your gaze a second time, but you pulled at his arm harshly. “Why?!”

“Just— just follow me!” Was your explanation as you dragged him to hide behind a tree. You put your hand against the wood, slowly leaning to your side until the tree trunk uncovered your eye. Pointing at a woman standing up from a bench and a guy walking up to her, you glanced back at Peter. “You see her?”

Peter furrowed his brows, momentarily looking down at you. “...Y-Yeah? Isn’t that the teacher you told me about? The one who teaches at your cousin’s school?”

“Yes! And look at her!”

Peter’s attention returned to the woman who hugged her jacket close to her body and now spoke to the man, not discerning anything suspicious at the moment. “She’s talking to someone.” He pointed out the obvious, unimpressed. You groaned, rubbing your eyes.

“That someone is one of her students.”

Peter blinked and eyed the man who turned out to be a teenager. “Oh, he looks much older—”

“Because he’s a fucking drug addict! And I bet she’s his dealer!” You scream-whispered at him, flailing your arm towards the pair.

“I thought you were just joking when you first said that.”

You rolled your eyes, and continued watching them. Whatever the conversation was, it had all of a sudden turned into an argument as the woman poked the kid’s chest with her finger. “Why are they just talking, though?” You asked quietly, as if Peter somehow would have the answer. The volume of their voices increased, but you couldn’t make out any of the words. Scoffing, you shuffled away from Peter. “I gotta hear what they’re saying—”

Before you could tip-toe away from the tree, Peter gripped your arm and pulled you into him. “No. She has a gun.” He motioned to an object peeking out of her pants’ back pocket, and upon further squinting your eyes, you realized it was, in fact, a weapon. Peter gently pushed you towards the tree and he took a step back. “I’ll go make sure nothing bad happens while you stay here, okay?”

You stuttered, your brows snapping together. “No, this is my fucking case, you dickhead.” You began to speed walk past him, but you couldn’t get too far— he grabbed your arm and tugged you back once again. “Peter!”

“Y/N, you’re not a goddamn private investigator—”

“Well, tonight I am!” You broke free from his grasp; however, he quickly had you back in his hold.

“No, what are you doing?!” He embraced you tighter when you squirmed wildly.

“Peter, the kid could be in danger!”

“You don’t even know how to fight!”

“Oh, and you do?” You retorted without thinking. When he processed the absurdity you’d just uttered, he let go of you and stared at you dumbfounded, struggling to speak. Finally, he pointed at himself, his forehead creased.

“I’m Spider-Man!”

You scrunched up your nose, nodding. “Yeah, I don’t know why I said that.”

You totally did. As he remained puzzled, you took the chance and started a race to a tree standing near the woman and the kid. Completely forgetting about Peter’s super-speed, you thought you had succeeded until halfway there, he quickly caught up to you. Without a warning, he tackled you to the ground, falling on top of you whilst you cried out in pain.

“Ow! What the fuck, dude?!” You groaned loudly, but then you slapped your mouth when you recognized how noisy you’d been. Their conversation stopped abruptly, crickets singing whole-heartedly as you and Peter stared at each other wide-eyed.

“Did you hear that? Did you bring someone with you?” You both heard the woman ask. To your horror, footsteps approaching you were the next sound to reach your ears. “Hey, who’s there?!”

“Great, look at what you did—”

“You fucking tackled me to the ground!”

Peter surveyed the area promptly, and his gaze fixated on the tree you initially sprinted towards. He didn’t hesitate before he lifted his hand and aimed his wrist to shoot a web to get both of you out of there. But you had other plans.

You gripped the collar of his shirt, distracting him. “I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do, but just— just trust me and follow me, okay?” You breathed out, eyeing him. Peter opened his mouth, about to ask for you to elaborate.

“Wh—” You pulled him down and crashed your lips into his, muffling his exclamation of surprise. Stunned, his eyes stayed open, and when he didn’t react, yours fluttered open to signal at him to play the part. As soon as the hairs of his arms stuck up, he shut his eyelids closed and kissed you back, cupping your face and fully getting into it.

The woman jumped from behind the tree, confident she’d found the culprits of the noise, and— well— yes, she had. However, she didn’t expect to walk upon two people on the grass, in the middle of a make-out session. She grimaced the moment she saw your legs around Peter’s waist and your hands running all over his back as you fucking moaned to a point that it was forthright pornographic.

“Oh!” She exclaimed, her cheeks reddening perhaps more than your face and Peter’s, and she instantly turned around, leaving you two alone.

You two continued, waiting until the woman made an excuse and abandoned the teen. Ten seconds passed and you finally broke the kiss, panting heavily as Peter unknowingly searched for your lips again. “That worked like a charm, huh?” You laughed, dazed and the speed of your heartbeat only incrementing when you saw Peter’s swollen lips.

“Yeah, yeah… a better warning would’ve been nice.”

“Shut up.”

“And was the moaning really… necessary?”

“I saw it on a show. It makes people more uncomfortable.” You explained, out of breath, and he nodded. You both stared at each other, not bothering to move yet. “For the record, you’re a good kisser.” You blurted out and grinned sheepishly. Peter returned the expression, chuckling and unbelieving of your existence.

“S-So are you. But my plan was better.” He smiled bashfully, holding himself up with his hands next to your head. You doubted his statement, narrowing your eyes.

“Did it involve kissing?”

“No.”

“Then it wasn’t.”

You might have forgotten about your drug deal case and continued making out.

HELLO AND GOODBYE KISSES - TOOTHPASTE KISSES

Two months into dating, neither of you thought much about them anymore. Once they became part of your routine, it’s an absent-minded action, not much different from brushing your teeth, or Peter entering your apartment through your window instead of the door like everyone else. But then again, Peter wasn’t merely everyone else. And your unconscious routine kisses weren’t exactly just another bullet point in your ‘to-do’ list, either. If one of you forgot, or simply did not have enough time to spare, you’d both find yourselves missing it.

Which was why you tried your best to follow through with them, despite what situations either of you found yourselves in.

The alarm did not go off that morning (or perhaps you both passed out before you could set it in the first place— you couldn’t remember precisely), reason why you nearly choked on the lather of toothpaste while you brushed your teeth as if your life depended on it. In a way, however, it did, especially your job: you were now running outrageously late, and you could already imagine your boss’ blank expression as he told you he needed to ‘have a talk’ with you since this was the third time it occurred. You whined. You were doomed.

Peter joined you in the bathroom, jumping on one foot as he slid his other leg into his Spider-Man suit. He made a noise and caught your attention— finally, you noticed he had an entire piece of toast in his mouth. He tried to say something with the bread in between his teeth, but it was incomprehensible. You raised your brows, attempting to communicate with him without taking out your toothbrush. You both went on like that for thirty seconds: doing hand gestures and mumbling without getting any idea across until Peter finally put on his suit and bit off a chunk of his breakfast.

“Have you seen my phone?” He asked, his mouth full. You spat out the toothpaste and he couldn’t help the smitten smile that his heart painted onto his face when he saw the froth around your mouth.

“I put it right next to my keys.” You said as you washed your brush. Peter hummed and swallowed before he walked up to you.

“Alright, thanks. I really gotta run now, though.” He planted a kiss on your temple and you groaned in disgust when you felt the crumbles of his toast on your skin.

“Gross,” You wiped your forehead and Peter rolled his eyes, shoving you playfully and about to leave until you grabbed his arm. “Wait!” You encircled his neck with your arms and pecked his cheek for longer than usual, purposefully smearing his face with toothpaste.

“Ugh, gross!” He mimicked you and leaned away from you, laughing. You puckered your white lips, still trying to reach him but his arms pushed you back. “Nuh-uh, I gotta run.”

“No toothpaste kiss from your love?”

“No.”

“Toast kiss?”

“You’re gonna get fired.”

You let him go.

Later that night, Peter entered your living room, his search for you coming to an end once he saw you asleep on the couch. He laughed quietly, in the back of his head wishing he was sleeping, too, with you, and he kneeled down in front of you. He kissed the tip of your nose— the way he liked to greet you in spite of what state you were in. When he stood up, you blinked your eyes open and you lazily grinned up at him. “Peter-Man is back.”

His gaze moved down to you, guilt appearing after he saw you let out a long yawn. “Ah, man, I didn’t want to wake you.”

You had to return his hello kiss, and so you clutched his hand and pressed your mouth against his gloved knuckles. “C’mere. Join me in my slumber.” You said with an overdone accent.

He didn’t even consider telling you to move to your bed. He plopped down on the small space left and snuggled into you, his own yawn overpowering him. You hugged him tightly from behind, and within minutes, you were both deep into your sleep.

The next morning, you woke up late yet again.

HEATED KISSES - WE’VE GOT ONE THING IN COMMON, IT’S THIS TONGUE OF MINE

It’d been your first date in four months, and you swore your sex drive had never been higher.

Peter noticed, of course, and took the decision to ditch the dinner you had originally planned once you finished the movie you were watching— or tried to watch, since you couldn’t take your hands nor lips off him during its entirety. As the credits rolled, you straddled his hips, sucking on the flesh of his jaw. You itched to see his face when he groaned— and my God, that sound did not help your case at all.

You began to trail your mouth down his neck, decorating it with a whole masterpiece of bruises, and Peter wondered how he was going to cover those up; but at the moment, it did not matter a single bit. The two of you were too into it to pull away—

“Ugh, wait—” Or not. Peter stopped you and you blinked at him as he sat straight, taking out the TV’s control remote from under him. “That was really bothering me.” He immediately pulled you back into a kiss, tugging your hair and provoking a small moan out of you.

He broke away from you, his smirk transforming into the fuel feeding your lust. “You really like that, huh?”

“Shut up.” You mumbled and your lips continued to mold into each other with desperation, the sexual desire which had build-up since your last encounter brimming as your tongues met. Peter slowly began to lift the hem of your shirt, and your excitement erupted in the pit of your stomach at the fact that you finally wouldn’t have to wait anymore—

Your phone began to ring. You tried to ignore it, but your ringtone made it impossible. “Hold on,” You sighed, disappointed, and turned your phone off, your jaw set in annoyance. Yet again, you resumed where you left off, more urgent than before. Your hand moved his own back up to your hair whilst the other ran up his thigh. He failed in holding back the jerk of his hips as he pulled at your hair yet again, your moans synchronized. You couldn’t have been more elated you both wore your pajama bottoms as you began to grind down onto his crotch.

Peter dug his fingers into your hips and he threw his head back, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he gulped to keep his noises down lest your neighbors heard you. “No, no, I wanna hear you—” You breathed out, speeding up your pace, whining yourself. He collided his mouth against yours, grunting into your kiss.

You didn’t know what had gotten into you, but you really, really, really did not wish to stop. And you weren’t going to this time, no matter what—

“Tonight’s our last party as high school people!” A voice and music blasted from the TV and you both jolted away from each other, startled. The credits had gone on long enough that the streaming service began to play a trailer for another movie, the volume at its fullest from where you’d left it earlier. You let out the most exasperated groan in your lifetime and furiously moved off of Peter to go and unplug the TV; however, he slipped his hands under your butt and picked you up.

“The bedroom—” He panted and stopped neglecting your lips as he carried you and ran towards your room, the two of you giggling maniacally when he stumbled through the door and then slammed it shut.

The trailer played all night long.

EMOTIONAL KISSES - STOP YOUR CRYING, IT’S ALRIGHT— SHUT UP, KISS ME, HOLD ME TIGHT

Peter had lost the fight.

Although you were useless, you tried getting there in time, hoping you could cause any distraction that would give him an advantage. But you heard the explosion, the walls and the ground rattling, and you dreaded you were too late.

You fell through the double doors, nearly losing your full balance and dropping to the floor. However, you maintained your composure, and tried to scan the room. The smoke hit your eyes and they stung, tears forming in your eyes which grew redder as the seconds passed.

Fire blazed throughout most of the room. You went down on all fours and shrugged your jacket off before you rapidly fastened it around your lower face. Your trembling hand grasped the pipe you’d kept with you in case you came upon someone, and you began to crawl into a cloud of smoke, praying Peter was still alive and breathing.

You fought hard to hold in the sobs that clawed at your throat. You couldn’t break down. Not right now, when Peter needed you.

“Peter!” You called out, coughing as a trace of fumes managed to sneak into your system. You went on with your search, nevertheless, even after your hand accidentally touched a scorching piece of metal and left your flesh screaming. Keep going, you told yourself when you cried out in pain, shaking yourself out of it. “Peter, it’s me! I-I’m here!”

A minute went by at most, but it seemed like an eternity. A minute and ten seconds, until you caught a glimpse of Peter’s body surrounded by flourishing flames. “Pete!” You stood up and ran to him, uncaring of your knees as you collapsed next to him. “O-Oh God…” You saw his burnt suit and whimpered, not knowing anymore if the tears pouring down your face were due to the smoke or the appalling despair poisoning your veins. You didn’t waste a single moment dwelling on the sight in front of you, though— right away, you grabbed him under his armpits and took in a restricted breath before you dragged him with you. You only moved him a few inches before you fell to your knees, heaving.

“Why are you so fucking heavy,” You sobbed, the terrifying realization that you might not make it out of there hitting you at full force. “N-No, you’re coming with me. We’re getting out of here, okay, baby?”

You didn’t know why you were speaking to his unconscious body. Perhaps it was the faint desire that he wasn’t gone yet, and he could somehow hear you. You could sense a coughing fit coming, but you stood back up and started hauling Peter across the floor again, this time mustering every last shred of strength your body possessed.

You had no answer to how you made it. But soon, you had gotten Peter as far away from the room as you could, and your arms gave out. You ripped his mask off, cupping his face with your dirty hands. He barely breathed. “Don’t leave me. Don’t you fucking dare. I’m gonna be so mad if you do.” You wiped your nose with your forearm and shook your hands, coughing. “Okay, okay, CPR.”

You placed the heel of your hand on his chest and put the other on top to push down hard. Push, push, push. You carried on begging him to stay with you as you did the compressions, your arms already too weak from having to carry him, but you continued pushing. Push, push, push. When you realized he still wasn’t breathing, you cursed loudly and began to blow into his mouth. You went back to doing compressions.

At the third rescue breath, he began to cough.

“Peter!” You bit back another sob as you watched consciousness slowly return to him, and when he blinked his red eyes up at you, you grabbed his face and pecked his mouth countless times, your shoulders shuddering.

Not too long after, he finally understood what was happening, and he held your shoulders, viewing you up and down. “Oh, thank God you’re okay—”

“No, thank God you’re okay—”

“I was so worried about you.”

“I was worried about you!”

“I tried getting to you as soon as I could—” He pecked you back, his voice raspy. “—but more guys just kept coming at me—”

“A bomb fucking exploded, Peter. I thought you were gone.” You were now weeping. Peter kissed you one last time before he embraced you close, against his wounds’ wishes. As you both tried to calm down, he glanced down at your hands and saw your open knuckles.

His eyes widened. “What happened to you?!” You looked down at your hands, the pain only just setting in once you became aware of your cuts.

“I had to get up here somehow,” You laughed weakly, and pointed at the abandoned pipe a few feet away from you. “I also had that. I’ve got a mean swing you’d be surprised. And a taser.” You took out the taser from your pocket wiggling it. Peter stared at you, his eyes moving back and forth between the taser and the pipe.

“That’s kinda hot.”

“Almost as much as that explosion?”

He had to give you a high five before you finally took him to the hospital.

‘YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL’ KISSES - YOU’RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU

A comedian’s podcast played in the background as you knelt beside Peter on your bed, using a brush to spread a skincare product evenly on his face. Peter watched you, adoring eyes inspecting you closely while you caught your lower lip in between your teeth and giggled after you heard a joke which you found too amusing.

He drew patterns on your knee with his thumb and he squinted at you with curiosity, the corner of his mouth lifting upwards. “Since when are you a fan of this skincare stuff?”

You squeezed a dab of product onto the brush before you grasped his chin gently, leaning closer to his face. “This coworker of mine, his skin is, like, so damn soft and flawless. I asked him what kind of black magic he used and he gifted me this,” You motioned to the bottle next to you, “and so I thought: ‘Well, might as well try it with my poor boyfriend who fucking sweats into a mask most of the time’. Seriously, I feel so bad for your pores—”

“Hey, my skin isn’t that bad, though. It’s beautiful.” He joked. You smiled at his comment, agreeing with your head.

“You’re right. But it doesn’t mean it can’t be better. You also deserve to sit back and relax after that job interview you had today.”

Peter frowned when he saw your excitement at the mention of the interview, self-doubt sabotaging his attempt at relaxing. “I probably didn’t get the job.” He muttered.

Your brows knitted together and you pulled the brush away from his face to run your hand through his hair. “Shut up, you totally did. You’re the smartest guy I know.” You winked at him teasingly and he rolled his eyes, although his mouth twitched nonetheless. “Okay, you’re done! Now, look— let’s see my new glorious skin.” You gestured to your dried face, patting it to make sure it was ready.

“If our skin isn’t softer than a baby’s butt, I’m gonna sue.”

You snorted at him before you started scratching the product off your jaw. You hissed as it peeled off, pulling at your skin. You attempted to go on, but your pain tolerance was a joke at the moment. “Fuck, I think this now officially gonna be my face for the rest of my life.” You groaned. Peter gently pulled your hands away from your face.

“Lemme try.”

“No!” You playfully slapped his hands off you. “You’re probably gonna rip my face off.” And so he simply stared as you resumed your torture and voiced your complaints, until you gave up once you’d managed to free half of your face.

Needless to say, you looked like an absolute clown.

In the midst of your battle against the face mask, Peter himself struggled to keep a serious face as he watched you and the product hardened, limiting the range of his expressions. You heard him laugh strangely, and you glanced up at him only to see him with his mouth half-open, his shoulders bouncing up and down with his chuckles, but he remained with a straight-face.

You quirked a brow when his laughter increased, his eyes tearing up. “What is wrong with you?”

“I-I can’t laugh.” He gasped, his face starting to twist. You began to laugh at him then, spreading the hilarity further like a virus. “N-No, don’t laugh! You’ll make laugh and I can’t laugh!” He shook his head frantically, his face mask starting to crack.

“You look like an idiot,” You wheezed, and all he could do was admire you as you cracked up and held your stomach, your beam making his chest swell.

Your appearance was ridiculous at the moment, yet you mesmerized him nevertheless.

When you noticed he’d stopped laughing, you wiped your eyes, trying to calm yourself down, and saw his small smile. “What?” You questioned him, wondering if perhaps he gasped so much he was now dizzy. His grin grew. He didn’t care about the mask anymore.

“You’re so beautiful.”

You pretended to gag, although your face heated up and your mouth curved into a smile. “Shut up, you’re so lame, God.”

“But you are!”

“Stop!”

“You’re so beautiful!” He yelled out dramatically to tease you. All of a sudden, he pulled you closer to him and grabbed your face, determined on peppering all the visible skin of your face with kisses. Your giggles were out of control as you tried squirming out of his grasp, but he continued pecking you over, and over, and over again.

“I’m gonna throw up!” You laughed, and he smooched your cheek. “You’re a loser, I swear.”

He was your loser.

HOLIDAY KISSES - BABY, I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND IF YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO, IT WOULD BE CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY

It’d been eight months since you started dating, and neither of you had said ‘I love you’ yet.

It’s not that there existed no love. Just like you had said the night you first kissed, the love was mutual, but— again— you preferred to show it differently other than verbally. Or at least other than being straight-forward. It was expressed loud and clear whenever Peter squeezed in time in the morning to make you breakfast, every time you both teased each other or you told him to ‘shut up’, and, of course, in the most simple and obvious way: with every single kiss you shared. But you couldn’t have cried it out louder when you told Peter you’d take care of planning the Christmas Eve celebration at F.E.A.S.T.

You knew everything about Peter. You saved a special place in your brain with every detail about him: his fears, his wishes, his regrets, his shoe size— everything. It’s a perk from knowing him since middle school, and now that you were together, you’d only uncovered the remaining information buried deep within. Therefore, after he got a new job that made him as content as working with Otto Octavius did before everything went downhill, you were aware that if you hadn’t intervened, Peter would have overloaded with stress from trying to juggle every aspect of his life plus dealing with the Christmas Eve party.

However, that meant you transferred the restlessness from him to yourself.

Two months of relentless planning, and at last, it was Christmas Eve. At the back of the room, you watched your friend’s band play a Christmas song from afar, anxiously supervising that everyone enjoyed the night. Suddenly, you felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around your waist from behind and a chin atop your head.

“Hey,” You heard Peter say and you smiled, leaning back into his embrace. “I haven’t been able to hang out with you at all during the night.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure everything was going well.” Your voice, distant and distraught, deepened Peter’s frown. He turned you around and held your face, brushing your cheek with his knuckles.

“I’m proud of you. You did a great job.”

Although his words made your chest glow, you glanced back at the performance. “Thanks. I was able to add in a few things since I convinced Harry’s dad to donate some money. I guess being his favorite out of you, Mary Jane, and I helped after all, huh?”

“Well, you can relax now,” He rubbed your shoulders, and you just then realized how tense they were. “The night’s almost over.” Peter reassured you and you sighed, closing your heavy eyes.

“Anything could happen, though.” You forced out a laugh, worry forming a crease in between your eyebrows. “What if something catches on fire? Actually, did you know that people can randomly combust? There’s this one case—”

“Y/N.” For once, he was the one stopping you from rambling.

“There’s still five songs left of the set.” You pouted at him, trying to convince him to let you off the hook, but he simply stared at you, concerned.

“I talked to Miles, he’s going to take your place while you take a break.”

“I don’t need a break, I just have to watch—”

“Remember the night when we first kissed, and you told me that I needed to stop overworking myself?” He recalled, raising his brows. You pressed your lips together, recognizing how hypocritical you appeared at the moment.

“This is different, though. I need this to be perfect.” You mumbled. Peter’s brows drew together in confusion.

“Why?”

“Because of May!” You said, raising your voice a little. The floor now seemed more interesting than Peter or your surroundings. “She deserves it. She really cared about F.E.A.S.T., so I know how important this is for you, too.” You admitted, all of a sudden quiet.

The corners of his mouth turned downwards. He grabbed your chin and kissed your forehead before his soft gaze interlocked with yours. “Y/N, I bet she’d be so proud right now that she wouldn’t shut up about it, like, ever.” You both laughed, but you smiled weakly, hugging him strongly. “And spending time with you is really important for me, too.” He whispered.

Peter took in a sharp breath and dug his hand into his pocket. “I know it’s Christmas Eve, but I wanted to give you one present today.”

You tilted your head, your heart falling as remembrance dawned upon you. “But I left my gifts back home.”

“It’s alright, I-I just…” He took out a tiny box and your eyes widened in panic. “Before you freak out, it’s not… it’s not what you think.” He chuckled nervously and opened it, revealing a silver band ring.

You covered your mouth with your fist while your other hand grasped the ring carefully, inspecting the diamond cut running through the middle. “Pete… it’s so pretty, oh my God. I can’t even imagine how much you spent on it.” You said, guilt etched onto your face.

Peter tried to shrug nonchalantly, but he had to admit the expense stung a bit. “Don’t think about the price tag,” He joked, and then pointed down at the ring. “Look inside it, though.”

You followed his orders and spotted something engraved inside. You lifted it closer to your face to read it properly, squinting your eyes, and once you did, you looked up at Peter’s nervous face with a grin growing on yours. “You… love me?”

It was about damn time.

“Y-You… you like it?” He asked rapidly, his own heart mirroring the speed of his words.

In the blink of an eye, you met his lips with a deep kiss, unable to stop yourself from smiling into it. “You’re so fucking dramatic, you could’ve just told me but you had to buy a whole ass ring to tell me you loved me.” You nudged him playfully.

“I wanted to be cute!”

“You’re automatically cute, you don’t even have to try.” Peter proved your point as the color of cotton candy painted his cheeks. “But I love it. And I love you, God, I love you so much, Peter, you have no clue.”

He did. And he loved you back just as much.

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