#im. so fucking out of it. i currently am not experiencing hunger or thirst or most emotions. i can vaguely feel my usual pain but
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#delete later#im. so fucking out of it. i currently am not experiencing hunger or thirst or most emotions. i can vaguely feel my usual pain but#its massively muted. i cant focus on fucking anything. as in concentrate but also focus my eyes. like ive been having to lean so close to my#screen to process work stuff.#i havent been this dissociated in a long fucking time. not since ive been oroperly medicated#the medication is doing great though. im still eating qnd drinking abd able to force myself to try wnd concentrate. without it id just be#lying on the floor i reckon. its just. wild. i cant force myself to care about the videogames ive been waiting months to play#i just. dont give a shit. the only reason im able to do work is bc i can still access guilt and i dont want to fuck up my coworkers day#i definitely didnt police my tone correctly earlier though so i think i may have come across as rude which i feel bad for#the only things i feel rn are this banging headache. guilt. shame. and the crawling disgust that comes with feeling contaminated#which is just great. it'll pass and ill be fine but like wow. i did my a levels like this. wild.
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