#im-not-really-a-pickle-jar helped as my editor. so. shoutout to them.

[pogaytosalad]

ANOTHER updated version of dmviolence

Hello, if youre hearing this, it probably means im dead. Either that, or im alive and just got tired of keeping this hidden. You might remember my voice from a previous recording about a takeover in sector ⬽:➻, in which i prevented the total annihilation of the sector. At the time i was unnamed, however now you may call me Kalton. After the takeover i resigned due to some serious ptsd and moved to a job at a dmv. This planet was, for some reason, in one of the most tactically advantageous locations in the galaxy. And for some reason, the higher ups dedicated the whole damn planet to dmvs. Dont ask why. Now, onto the story.

I woke up, and i put on my emerald green contact lenses. I put on a basic white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket along with a pair of jean shorts. If you cant tell by now, im queer.

I live in a small apartment. By small apartment i mean a bedroom, a bathroom, and a kitchen all crammed into 2 rooms. As i couldnt be bothered to walk through the halls, the damn place is so crowded its difficult to leave quickly, I hopped out of the bedroom window onto my motorcycle. It was a diamond white motorcycle with deep red stripes along the sides and the handlebars. My pride and joy. It had been a gift from a bunch of the big shots on the old planet i saved. I put on my jet black helmet and took off towards my job at the dmv.

Chapter 2

I pulled up in the parking lot and took off my helmet, my cobalt blue hair a total rats nest. I entered the dmv and went to my station. A few hours passed by and no one had come in yet, which was unusual. So i decided to sit down on the floor, put in my earbuds, and enjoy some music. The name of the genre is difficult to pronounce, but it reminds me of home. A few more hours passed by, and by now i usually wouldve been yelled at by my boss. This struck me as odd so i stood up.

I really wish i hadnt stood up. The place had been completely destroyed. There were drop pods crashed in through the roof and they all had the ERGON logo on them. Ergon was a multi trillion dollar pencil manufacturing company with its own military. They had previously tried to take over sector ⬽:➻ when i had been working there. I was not looking forward to what was about to happen. I felt that something horrible was in my future.

There were 4 riot soldiers holding this building. The riot soldiers are your stereotypical riot gear and police baton soldiers. But these guys had laser batons and the riot gear gave them heightened strength and speed. They also had some, dare I say, shitty energy pistols. Quickly, i ducked back onto the floor before any of them saw me. This was gonna be fun.

I crawled over to one of the soldiers who wasnt being watched and broke their neck. I took the baton and the pistol. Speedy yet silently, i snuck back to my station and checked the shot count in the pistol. I had 6 shots, just enough to take care of the remaining three.

I shot up quickly and popped each soldier twice in the head. First shot to open the riot helmet, second shot to kill. I vaulted over the counter and grabbed the three pistols. These things are so stupid. You cant even remove the clips. Once you run out of shots, the pistol's useless. Beggars cant be choosers though. I had a laser baton and 18 total shots in 3 pistols.

Upon leaving the building, my bike, although beaten and scratched from the falling drop pods, was one of the few things to survive. It had alot of external damage, but it still worked. The helmet was shattered under a piece of debris that got flung off the building. I mounted my motorcycle and took off towards the next closest dmv. Maybe I'd find some better gear there.

Chapter 3

Pulling up next to the second dmv i immediately noticed three things. One: there was blood everywhere. Two: there were 25 soldiers here. And three: they all had energy weapons. The reason these things are relevant is because energy weapons dont cause bloodshed. This was the result of something else. Something new i hadnt dealt with yet.

I drove up and ran over 5 of the soldiers. This was probably an incredibly bad idea, seeing as i had 18 shots, enough for 9 kills, and there were 20 soldiers left. Every single soldier turned to me and i, being the absolute genius that i am, welded the front of one of the pistols shut with the laser baton, shot it off, and threw it into the crowd of soldiers.

It exploded, releasing a shockwave of energy and disabling the soldiers armor. I then used the baton to cut through the riot gear and kill the soldiers. They hurt my bike, and i was gonna make them pay for it with blood. I felt like a badass. That is until a mechanical looking wolf jumped at me and started trying to rip my face off.

The wolf was a frostwolf. Except it had been placed into a mechanical frame and its teeth and claws had been replaced with lasers.

A frostwolf is a very specific breed of canine with freezing cold fur and icy blue eyes that originated on the planet i was defending in sector ⬽:➻. One had crushed my right hand with its powerful jaws at the time. Its healed over time, but it still brings back memories. Ergon must've captured a bunch of them while they were there and run experiments. I cant imagine what kinds of inhumane things those monsters would've done to this poor creature, but it was trying to kill me, so i had to try to kill it.

I tried to bash it off of me with the baton but it just sliced it in two with its teeth. This gave me just enough time to grab an energy pistol and shoot the wolf. It kept trying to kill me and i wasted a whole clip on it until suddenly, the dog started to levitate in the air and got thrown aside into a wall. I got up and was instantly frozen in place. Thats when she walked up.

Chapter 4

The she i am reffering to is my ex. Ebony Way. A goth/punk wannabe with light blue tear shaped eyes and black hair with purple streaks. Shes a bitch whos mind got too powerful and now she can move things without touching them. Shes been chasing me for months. Not in a murderous way. Shes just obsessed with me. And now im at her mercy.

Heres some backstory on this. After i left my job in sector⬽:➻ i realized id lived my whole life alone without anyone. So i chose a name for myself and decided to try the dating game. For awhile it didnt go very well, as i had never had to speak to another person like this before. But then i met Ebony, and it was like she knew what i was gonna say before i even said it. We connected on a very basic level, which i mistook for romantic attraction on my end.

Again, i had never actually interacted with people properly. So i ended up dating her for awhile. She became obsessive and clingy, and i couldnt handle it so.. i broke up with her. She overloaded my voicemails daily, so i just stopped using a phone. Then she constantly sent me letters, so i got rid of my mailbox. And then she started stalking me.

She became so obsessed with trying to win me back, she ended up partaking in some sketchy experiments that promised supernatural powers. The studies resulted in the telekenisis she has now. And then she found me under a wolf. So the story continues.

She walked up to me and kissed me on the cheek. I hated it. She looked as if she was contemplating whether or not to free me when a drop pod came down from the sky and crushed her. Thank god. But i honestly wouldve rathered suffered at her hand than deal with what i had to deal with next...

Out of the pod came the warden. The goddamn warden from sector ⬽:➻. Last i saw him he was in the same situation as ebony. Crushed to death under a pod. But this time, instead of being on my side, he was here to kill me. He was huge. Like seriously huge. He was at least 8 feet tall and shaped like gaston. Whos gaston? Nobody knows these days. But its a way to say "extremely buff and wide".

Back to the story. The warden wasnt looking very good considering the obviously rushed patch-job of a face, and loose muscles hanging out of his rotten skin. His rotting ruined body was held together by an exoskeleton of chromium-tungsten alloy. Nothing i had was gonna cut through that. I was gonna have to get creative here..

The warden had two weapons, both of them were his fists. Huge gauntlets that were each about the size of the long extinct dairy cows of earth. Definitely bigger than his previous set. They were a golden green metal i couldnt identify. But i didnt want to get hit with one to try and find out. So I ran. I ran as fast i could run into the dmv and hid. I could hear the wardens footsteps. A small earthquake shook the ground with every step he took.

I peeked over the desk i was hiding behind and saw him punch through the two desks opposite to me. It took no effort and i couldve sworn i saw him smile. Obviously i didnt. Cause he didnt have a mouth anymore. But if he did, he definitely wouldve smiled. I took a shot to get his attention and ran off towards the wall. The warden was definitely faster than i expected. Luckily i managed to dodge the blow by a centimeter.

The metal smelled of decaying flesh and popcorn. The wardens blow punched a huge hole in the wall. I hope you see where im going with this.

I ran off to another wall and we repeated this same process a number of times until the building was barely still up. I ran out the doors and threw the baton at the last of the supports, which cut through it like butter and caused the building to collapse in on the warden. He wasnt getting out of that.

I decided to search the rubble to see if i could find anything worth taking. I found a new baton, a flame rifle and a few more energy pistols. The flame rifle was a very interesting design. The sides were painted jet black with flame decals scattered about. You could feel the heat on the inside and it made the gun warm to the touch. Comfortable to hold. Other than that though, it looked like an old fashioned 8.59mm sniper rifle. It had 4 shots remaining, so id have to use it sparingly.

I grabbed some scrap materials out of the rubble to make a holster for it and put it on my back.

The energy pistols dangled from a keychain. The baton was simply turned off and placed through a hole in the back pockets of my shorts. I ran to my motorcycle and drove off. I had questions, and i had a sneaking suspicion that i knew where to find the answers.

Chapter 5

I was dirty and there was blood on both me and my bike. I probably looked like a serial killer. I certainly had the kill count of one. I knew that if anyone was still alive, itd be jayden. They were.. well. They were a vampire. They lived in a swampland area and wore sparkly rainbow shirts and a huge sunhat. The sunhat allowed them to go outside in the sun, and they only drank coconut water.

They also had a crazy amount of weaponry and used to work at ergon, before being fired for stealing said weaponry. Jayden doesnt have a gender. Jayden is also kind of the love interest in this story. It probably has something to do with the fact that theyre the only person on this planet who talks to me. Other than ebony. but ebony is... not my type i guess. Anyways, back to jayden.

Jayden was on the roof of their swamp shack drinking coconut water out of a wine glass. I yelled up at them and they fell off the roof onto my back. I guess i cushioned their fall. Jayden asked "What do you need?" without waiting for me to stand up, and shattered the wine glass in their hand. I informed them of the situation and asked the questions i had. Things like "what are the ergon soldiers defences like on their ships" and "how did they reanimate the warden". They had answers.

Jayden told me about the new security measures that had been put in place since id last been on an ergon ship. There was now a code for each teleportation pod and the gaurds had doubled. As for the warden, it turns out jayden was actually the first test run in reanimation sciences, and couldnt answer me because they had been unconcious in a lab when the warden was reanimated. That explained the whole undead vampire thing.

Jayden invited me into the shack where they pulled a nail out of the floorboards and it turned into a ramp to the basement. Thats where jayden kept their weapons they stole. And boy oh boy were there some interesting ones.

One that immediately caught my attention was the big rocket launcher. It had three barrels and each was a different colour, indicating a different effect. One was red, one was yellow, and one was green. The red barrel fired a normal explosive rocket, the yellow barrel fired an electromagnetic pulse rocket, and the green barrel fired an acidic explosive. Possibly even more impressive, the launcher shrunk down to the size of an energy pistol when a button was pressed. It gathered up dirt and dust and garbage around it from the back to quickly convert into ammo. The only downside is that it would be difficult to use more than once in an area.

Jayden picked out an old shotgun. At first i didnt understand why, but then they loaded the clip. The clip was a huge drum that loaded in the bottom of the barrel. The drum was transparent and inside you could see sawblades lined up side by side. When they pumped the shotgun a blade got lifted into a slot between the 2 shotgun barrels and started glowing red, heated by an electrical circuit. When the trigger was pulled, the blade spun at incredibly high speeds and fired out of the slot, spinning along the ground like a wheel. It could cut through anything a baton could cut through and seemed to almost follow its target. The gun itself looked like an DP-12, except behind the pump, a large clear drum full of sawblades was in place.

I also took a laser sword instead of my baton, it was just like the one that [3825968] had, except this one was about an inch longer. [3825968] was one of the greatest swordsmen of all time, he was a robot with a very sleek white design. He looked like one of the ancient japanese bullet trains from planet earth. His face was blank white, and he displayed emotions with projections of emoticons. He met his end when his program was overrun by a virus and turned to ergons side. He almost fatally wounded me, i still have a huge scar from the laser sword he shoved through my arm. I ended up disabling him by removing his battery in the middle of combat.

The final weapon i took was an acid thrower. It was basically just a watergun with acid in it. Ive always been partial to acidic weapons. Long story short my original pride and joy was an acid based sniper rifle. Only one of its kind, a malfunction in the factory caused the entire city to dissolve. It had been a gift from my father, just before his untimely death. Id had to sacrifice it to save sector ⬽:➻.

Jayden also took a submachine gun that fired freezing rounds. The rounds were essentially glorified waterballoons with liquid nitrogen in them. Though the rounds were bullet sized, enough shots from it would certainly freeze you in place. The freeze gun was about the size of the average human head, and was painted navy blue with blue saphire stripes placed along it. We both left the shack, me with my sword and jayden with a wine glass. We were ready to kick ass and put a stop to this.

We left and immediately both got flung into the trees. Guess who it was. It was ebony. Her body had been found and reanimated. I was starting to see a pattern. And now we had to fight the telekinetic goth who could kill us with a wave of her hand.

She was levitating. Her eyes were glowing red and her hair was floating in the air. She had the smile of someone about to rip your arms off and beat you with them. I tried to take a shot at her but my hand got knocked aside by an invisible force. So i tried the next best thing. Seduction. Fake seduction. Hopefully the whole dying and coming back from the dead thing didnt make her stop being weirdly obsessed with me.

While i faked surrender and complimented ebony and attempted to seduce her, jayden took aim of their ice gun and shot a burst at ebonys right arm. The arm froze in place and shattered. Hopefully that would lower the strength of her telekinetic abilities. It did. But only by about half. Which meant jayden got thrown into the air as i tried to discreetly unholster my acid gun. It wasnt discreet enough and the gun was knocked from my hand.

The gun flew forwards and the impact of hitting the ground set it off for a second, just enough to spray an acidic burn through her arm. Incapacitating her. Talk about deus EX machina am i right?

Jayden ended up sneaking up behind her and impaling her through the skull with the shattered end of their wine glass. Ebony slumped to the ground like a bag of wet mice. Ebony was finally dead for good. I hoped.

The acid gun was busted, so we had to leave it behind.  We got onto my motorcycle and took off towards my apartment building. We would need food if we were going to be traveling. An apartment complex would probably be full of food and alot of dead people who wouldnt care if we took some stuff.

Thanks for helping as an editor @im-not-really-a-pickle-jar