#im worried for my parents and their stress and health worries etc

[mangomybeloved]

does anyone know when the sheer terror and gripping panic and endless worry about the state of the world and people u love goes away? thanks

[ame-to-ame]

Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭

[walmartbrandwhatever]

okay, so I was yapping with my bestie(@inthepeachtree ), and now I'm sharing my yap session about the curtis brothers like post book. this is like super angst and does mention like struggles with food and mental health and stuff similar, so keep that in mind! this is also my opinion, so if things are ooc character, etc, I apologize :) I know you all are loved mwah<3

imagine the utter anxiety darry and probably soda have after the events.

I feel like darry wouldn't be able to sleep even though pony was back home and safe. like he would try his hardest to sleep but is tossi.g and turning until late Into the night. he's *exhausted* but his mind is screaming that pony is gone, having run away and no whwre to be found( worse if his mind was screaming pony was the one who died in the fire not Johnny and that it was all his fault) and that anxiety goes to soda who he think joined pony in running away and that now he was utterly alone which was his *worst* fear because what is he ment to do now that the two people he was living for left him? so eventually he gets up and paces around his room or makes his way out of his room and starts cleaning etc because he doesn't

a) want to worry his brothers because he's the oldest, and they don't need to have the burden of what he think he is. and b) his brothers needed all the rest they could get, especially if Pony's nightmares got *so* much worse. so he does anything to keep his mind from thinking the absolute worst. he eventually either gives up and checks on his brothers who were in their bed each hugging eachother ( he feels a ping of hurt knowing that he would never have the relationship soda and pony have but he's learned to accept it.) after checking they were in fact safe ans okay he eventually falls asleep but that shit wears him down. NOT TO MENTION the guilt he feels much about dally and Johnny. like musical him probably constantly thinks about him and days fight and he agrees with every dally says and he feels utterly guilty bc if it weren't for him they would be alive ans same goes for his parents. like that man is *struggling, but he keeps working. he also is so afraid of hurting his brothers again and is fighting with himself everytime he gets angry but on a happy note after a while his relationship with pony does get better, slowly but day by day they start to build a better relationship. bonus points if the curtia brothers find darry one night stress cleaning and end up like taking about everything and their emotions then having a cuddle session bc I stand for it. relationship

now onto soda and pony

with soda he probably is somewhat similar with needing to check that pony is safe and okay. I'm still like analysisimg soda so his might not be as detailed yk

but like, he's the type of person to like feel others' emotions, which is utterly exhausting, especially with Pony having these horrible nightmares, and he *feels* everything pony is feeling. he has had so many nights where Pony would be asleep, and he just breaks down sobbing because he can't stand to see his little brother like this. (DONT GET ME STARTED WHEN PONY WAS SICK AND IM THAT DELIOUS STATE BC DARRY AND AODA WERE GOING THROUGHT IT AND I WILL YAP ABT IT ) but soda is similar to darry about not wanting pony to worry about him because his brother had already been through so much and needs to focus on healing. he allows himself to open up to darry because he knows that his brother feels the same way, and he knows darry would rather die before ever admitting that he isn't okay. soda has found darry practically in tears in the middle of the night, trying not to wake his brothers. soda has always been better with emotions, but he's struggling with the deaths of everyone on top of Pony's horrible mental state. he feels guilty about the small part of him that still feels some anger towards darry for hurting pony but he also feels the utter pain darry feels about hurtimg pony(soda had run after pony but couldn't catch him and darry had felt so sick of himself he threw up whatever dinner he had. he also then proceeded to try to scrub his hand clean ~~no matter what he did his actions could never be undone~~) anyways like a said group cuddle session after the three of them all talk about how they feel bc God knows they need that.

now with ponyboy everything u said(this was a lot, and they can reply with what they said if they want!). It definitely is true in my mind. like he feels like everything was/is his fault and probably is near a mental breakdown/has one because they can't be gone. *they just can't* because that means death is following him and that means his brothers or two bit, ace(she is part of the gang bc I say so and I love her), he'll even steve are next ans he's not sure if he could live knowing they cpuld/will die. he struggles with food and basic needs for a while because windxcile had fuxked with him so badly. his brother worked with him a lot about trying to get him back to a healthy place both mentally and physically. it took a while but he was finally able to eat a full meal without feeling sick after a few months and darry and soda were *so proud* like soda was close to tears and so was darry. darry also struggled with food because he a)thought all the food should go to his brothers and not him bc he could live without it and b) during the time pony was going he thought why should he eat when pony couldn't? with every mistake him(darry) and pony constantly like punish themselves for the smallest things and soda tries his best to teach them that it's okay to make mistakes and tat they don't need to punish themselves.

also, I can yap about the week. Pony was gone with soda and darry bc darry was low-key, giving me not doing well vibes to me, but I can definitely go I to that.

again I'm still working on understanding ever character in the book but these are just my thoughts. if you have any comments or things to add on definitely lmk because I love to talk! love you all and lmk if you want to yap some more!!

[rainbowsky]

Hai 👋

This ask is nothing related to GGDD its rather personal. So i recently discovered my self as bi and im 23. It was terrifying to be honest cause im pretty sure that im straight. and suddenly felt attracted towards a girl, but it felt great to accept this new side of me. And i come out to my family and friends which surprisingly went well. But i don't how my colleagues know about it or who told them. At frist they act like they didn't know anything but eventually they started make fun of me. Even said to one of my male colleague that he should make his girlfriend stay away from me and they dismissed it as a joke. Some of female colleague stoped talking to me. They always find a way indirectly make fun of me. I love my job really but its getting hard for me to be in my workplace and its getting stressful day by day. I don't want to worry my family they have enough on their plate right now. My friends suggest me to quit job. I don't know what to do.. So can you please give some tips to how to handle the situation? Sorry for this long ask but please consider this to answer🙏.

Thank you

Ugh, Anon. That sounds so hard. Big hugs to you. 🫂

First and foremost, congratulations to you for having the courage to come out and to live your truth. I know how hard that can be. 💖

I totally understand your decision not to share your workplace issues with your parents. Sometimes the discrimination we face can actually end up being used as an excuse to further discriminate against us. Some less enlightened family members are fine with us being queer until they perceive the ways in which our lives are made more difficult by being queer, and then they start questioning whether "it's really so necessary to put yourself through all that."

Since you're bisexual, this could lead to your parents encouraging you to seek opposite sex partners and avoid same-sex partners.

It's great when we can have the support of family during times like this, but unfortunately that support isn't always forthcoming, and the worst time to find that out is when you're already in a sort of crisis situation. It can push people over the edge, so please take care of your emotional/mental health by not putting more pressure on the situation than is completely necessary.

As for the workplace situation, it's really difficult to give a solid answer on how best to approach things, because I don't know what region you are in and a lot depends on the labor laws and professional norms/culture where you live.

If this was my region, the solution would be obvious. Your employer would have a legal obligation to ensure you are not being harassed or discriminated against in the workplace based on your sexual orientation. Anyone engaging in that behavior would be in hot water.

But I know not everywhere is as progressive as Canada, and there are regions in the world that provide no legal protection for people who are targeted based on sexual orientation, gender identity, sex, religion, etc.

So my first advice would be to research the laws and regulations in your region and in your workplace (many workplaces have policies on this type of thing, some do not). And I would advise that everyone does this, wherever they live and whether they are queer or straight. In the immortal words of Joe Strummer: "KNOW YOUR RIGHTS!"

If you are in a region and/or workplace that has policies against this behavior, you have the option to avail yourself of those policies and laws. This isn't always a simple, happy solution though. Just because a workplace or region has policies, it doesn't mean the people on the ground are competent with managing and enforcing them (or are even in agreement with them). YMMV based on who is in charge of these things.

You might push the issue and find the behavior stops, but that you are treated like an outsider anyway. However, you might find that taking action empowers you and gives you strength, and it could result in growth and change in the people around you. It's a bit of a roll of the dice.

Whether or not you are in a region where your rights are protected, I think the most important first step to take is to find an ally, preferably more than one. There is strength in numbers. You might find it very helpful to reach out to people who can help and support you:

A close friend who supports your sexuality and who you feel you can trust not to share your story without your consent.

Someone within your work organization who you trust, ideally someone who has more power/authority than you.

Someone within a LGBT organization in your region who understands the culture and laws in your area who can help you navigate this issue and provide you moral support as well.

If you are in a union, it would probably be wise to speak to your union rep. about your contractual rights.

If you have a therapist or counselor you can speak with, do so. If not, perhaps consider finding one, even just for a while.

Work together with people you trust to come up with a plan of action - whether that action is to lodge a complaint or to simply leave that company and find a new job - and lean on them for support as needed. When you are in crisis, it's best to build on and make use of a solid support system.

Whatever you decide, make sure you are well supported for whatever comes out of it.

It could be that leaving is your best option (if I was your friend I might be advising it too). If you decide to go that route, don't do so suddenly even if that's tempting, unless you really feel you can't take it anymore. It would probably be best to give yourself space to maintain your financial situation while you look for a new opportunity.

And if you do end up looking for a new job, it would probably be a good idea to take a measure of the culture there before considering coming out. You might also want to research their policies and culture before even taking a position there.

Good luck, Anon. I really hope it all works out for you, and I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with something like this. 💖

No matter what happens, know that you have my support and the support of the queer community in general, so if you need to talk or find yourself struggling, please reach out. And if you have any further questions, please feel free to write back or contact me privately.

EDIT: One thing you could try is to talk directly with the people who are harassing you - particularly anyone who might be a ringleader or have the social power to stand against the ringleader (if your allies feel it's something that might work).

Building bridges can often be much more rewarding that fortifying walls. People find it easier to be horrible to you when they can dehumanize you. If they see you as a person - maybe even as a friend - that might turn things around. They might even become an ally in the workplace who can help turn others around as well.

it might be worth a try if you're considering leaving anyway.

[appleatcha]

Home to care for the kitties before I head back to my parents tomorrow. I was getting really overwhelmed today. I guess this grief is wrecking my body. I have horrible stomach pain and nausea, im completely exhausted and feel so weak I can barely stand without having to lean on something for support. So when we took my son to a state park and walked for hours in the heat, played, etc. I was worried I was going to actually collapse. I never knew the toll grief takes on your body. I understood there was a mental-physical health connection but its so much more intense than I ever thought.

Trying to not stress over things I have to do right now. It's late and there's nothing I can do about it right now. I'm really tired. I wanted to type more but I still want to write in my journal but I don't know if I can.

[baddiedaddy7]

5th house✨🌻

the 5th house is not what you attract, it’s how you are in the dating world/casual dating, what dates you may like, how you are in the beginning stages of a relationship and flirting. it’s also about your passion, and what you may like to do in your spare time. then lastly, children. feminine signs-more likely to have a female or child with feminine energy. masculine signs-more likely to have a male or child with masculine energy. do not plagiarize🙃.

Aries/Mars🔥

likes the chase(being chased or vice versa). gets bored fast, so needs somebody that keeps them guessing. bold/upfront, will probably tell you if they like you, or how they feel in general. may do things too fast(say “i love you” early, get over excited easily, etc). daring in the dating scene/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style may be physical(confident/not rlly awkward, and makes flirting obvious), or playful(play fight, tickles lmao, laughs more, etc). might prefer dates full of thrills(amusement park, hiking, skydiving, rock climbing, sports, party, etc). hobbies may be sports, karate, working out, violent or sporty video games, etc. indicates a liking for vigorous/explicit music lmao. children may also be into sports, karate, exercising, etc. most likely one of your children will have mars/aries in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be rude, full of energy, bratty/spoiled, passionate, bossy, etc, since these are traits of aries. a LOT of ppl with these placements get a c-section, atleast once, and most likely w/the first child. unexpected pregnancy is also seen here. oldest is most likely going to be a boy. since aries is fast, your kids may try to be born early, or are born earlier than due date.

Taurus/Venus🌸

“slow and steady wins the race” types. sensual. conventional. very romantic. stable. likes to touch/skin to skin. not complicated, some may find you “boring”. warm in the dating world/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style is most likely polite(not perverted, well mannered, may come off as reserved even though they’re interested, etc). dates shall be lavish or romantic lol. candles, dinners, beautiful park, etc. hobbies may be baking/cooking, napping, binge watching tv, beauty(makeup, hair), shopping, tending to a garden, etc. you may like love songs, pop, rnb, jazz, slowed + reverb, etc. most likely makes sure their kids are dressed up/styled😎. kids are most likely beautiful, and in great condition. kids may like to watch you cook/bake, or do it with you. most likely one of your children will have taurus/venus in their chart, probably the oldest. children will most likely be patient, stubborn, well mannered, cold, practical, lazy, etc, since these are traits of taurus. pregnancy is usually smooth. oldest is most likely going to be a girl. i’ve known quite a few ppl w/this that actually like being pregnant. it makes so much sense that kylie jenner has this, literally all this applies😭.

Gemini/Mercury🌼

another placement that gets bored quickly, so keep them guessing. probably has a new crush every week or multiple at once. intelligent, and talkative. daydreams/thinks abt crush a lot. most likely tells their friends abt their crush too. happy-go-lucky in the dating world/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style is most likely playful(calling eachother names, play fighting, etc). dates may be at a fair, library, etc. hobbies usually are social media, reading, trivia, writing, socializing, etc. honestly most likely likes all genres of music, but esp hyper music(edm, rap, pop, etc). most likely one of your children will have gemini/mercury in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be sneaky, curious, smart mouthed, witty, moody, etc, since these are the traits of gemini. adoption is indicated here. twins, or many kids in one pregnancy are also indicated here, and if that’s the cause then they’re most likely going to be male(s). pregnancy may seem quick.

Cancer/Moon🦀

loving, and affectionate. try to avoid being obsessive, and easily jealous. you may get attached too early in a relationship. they might be shy at first, gotta get them out their shell. tender in the dating scene/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style may be traditional(man asks first/initiate, gazing/eye contact, etc) or sincere(blushing/makes it obvious, laughing a lot, etc). may prefer dates at home, museum, or park. hobbies may be mainly at home(cooking/baking, knitting, listening to music, watching tv, sleeping, watching little kids/younger relatives, etc). listens to certain music genres based off of mood, likes music that’s relatable, and in depth. most likely one of your children will have cancer/moon in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be caring, moody, emotional, clingy, kind, jealous, etc, since these are the traits of cancer. usually very fertile, and may have many kids. oldest is most likely gonna be a girl. try not to be obsessive w/your kids or too protective. i recommend using more than one source of protection😂.

Leo/Sun☀️

confident, and friendly. usually social butterflies. selfish with their partners lol, wants all their attention. jolly in the dating world/at the beginning of the relationship. flirting style is physical(confident) or playful(joking around/calling eachother names playfully, etc). shows their partner off. for dates, they seem like they’re down for anything. hobbies may be acting, singing, socializing, partying, painting, taking selfies, social media, etc. probably one of those assholes that play music so loudly/on speakers lmaoo. their music taste is in ✨good taste✨. most likely one of your children will have leo/sun in their chart, probably the oldest. confident, overdramatic, energetic, bossy, friendly, etc, since these are the traits of leo. you will shove your kids good traits in other parents faces💀, or just show them off in general. oldest is most likely going to be a boy. kids will most likely have great health.

Virgo/Mercury🐛

(im gonna say “we”, since this is my placement lol)

if we really like you, you can do no wrong in our eyes. we should try not to put our interest on a high pedestal, as we get disappointed easily sometimes😭. we have to learn that nobody is perfect, and make sacrifices. intelligent and chatty also. selfless in love/server love. another placement that most likely daydreams/thinks abt crush a lot. also talks abt crush a lot to friends. cautious in the dating scene/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style is traditional(smiley, if a women/someone attracted to men expects the man to initiate lol or atleast wants him to, shy) or polite(pleasant, good manners, non sexual, etc). i admit, some of us send mixed signals😭. likes dates where you can talk/get to know eachother, so a library, coffee shop, etc. hobbies may be social media, hanging out, cleaning, shopping, making plans, debating, etc. another placement that likes all/most music genres. most likely one of your children will have virgo/mercury in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be clever, critical, fast learners, complainer, pragmatic, etc since these are the traits of virgo. we will worry/stress out abt our kids a lot. may also adopt or foster. twins/multiple births at once is indicated, and they’re most likely gonna be female(s). another placement that makes pregnancy seem like it goes quick.

Libra/Venus🌷

loves compliments. probably shallow tbh. easy going with partners. charming in the dating scene/beginning of a relationship. flirting style is sincere(makes eye contact, plays w/hair, etc). likes “beautiful” dates(beach, park, garden, etc) or dinners, it just needs to be romantic lol. hobbies are socializing, social media, taking pics, beauty(makeup, hair, skincare, etc), shopping, etc. may like love songs, rnb, jazz, pop, or multiple genres in general. most likely one of yours children will have libra/venus in their chart, probably the oldest. oldest is most likely going to be a girl. children may be social/popular, shallow, easygoing, etc since these are the traits of libra. makes sure their kids dress nicely.

Scorpio/Pluto🥀

likes to keep details of relationships private, but that doesn’t mean they’re gonna keep YOU private/hidden as a whole. probably falls hard. tries to hide vulnerability in love. don’t be neurotic in love lol. intense in the dating scene/beginning of a relationship. flirting style is sincere(mysterious, good eye contact, genuine interest, etc). might like “dark” dates (abandoned places, cemeteries, horror movies, etc.) hobbies are astrology, conspiracy theories, anything taboo, witch craft, watching videos abt crime, being alone, etc. likes “dark” music, maybe even like satanic shit. music abt scorpio themes(death, sex, etc). explicit songs. rap, rock, things like that. most likely one of your children will have scorpio/pluto in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be secretive, clever, possessive, intense, emotional, etc since these are the traits of scorpio. try not to be over controlling or possessive of children, and be open to change. usually fertile.

Sagittarius/Jupiter🍀

generous in relationships, gives, and gives. might not take things seriously when they should. spirited, and optimistic in the dating scene/the beginning of a relationship. flirting style is playful (inside jokes, more giggly around “them”, etc). carnivals, short traveling, anything wild(skydiving, bungee jumping, etc), are ideal dates for these ppl. hobbies consist of hanging out, learning(esp of other cultures, and religions), sports, reading, etc. probably likes religious music lmao, or music in languages they don’t even understand, if not then pop or rap. most likely one of your children will have sagittarius/jupiter in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be loud, rude, honest, selfish, curious, etc since these are the traits of sagittarius. ppl with this placement have/want a whole gang(like a lot of kids lmao), “the more the merrier”. probably gets pregnant without trying/the first try lmao.

Capricorn/Saturn🪐

doesn’t have time for games. a reliable, and loyal partner. serious in the dating scene/at the beginning of a relationship. flirting style is traditional(man speaks up first, clever, etc). dinner, museums, wine tasting, etc are good date ideas for you. hobbies may range from reading, working, shopping, learning abt history, collecting, etc. might like classical music, chill music/slowed + reverb, music from back in the day, etc. most likely one of your children will have capricorn/saturn in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be responsible, “boring”, caring, standoffish, reliable, etc since these are the traits of capricorn. you’re might not even want kids, or might have them in your 30s or even 40s, and if you do have kids it’s likely not that many(1 or 2 lol).

Aquarius/Uranus👾

some will be turned off by your distantness, some won’t mind. open minded in the dating scene/in a beginning of a relationship. flirting style is polite(aloof, might be awkward, honest, etc). painting, video games, go donating blood together, etc are probably ideal dates for you lol(also anything eccentric). hobbies are technology, social media, helping others, astrology, unusual sports, theories, etc. music taste may not be mainstream. might like unusual music genres like vapor wave, nintendocore, etc lmao. may also like alt, edm, etc. most likely one of your children will have aquarius/uranus in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be unique, cold, thinks outside the box, arrogant, etc since these are the traits of aquarius. you might adopt, or get unexpectedly pregnant. if you want kids of your own, you’re gonna need to know when you’re ovulating, since your fertility is likely all over the place.

Pisces/Neptune🍄

selfless, and dreamy partner. another placement that may ignore red flags, when feelings are involved. wholesome in the dating scene/beginning of a relationship. flirting style is sincere(blushes easily, stares, more smiley, makes it obvious, etc). painting, cuddling, listening to music with each other, etc are ideal dates for these ppl, but honestly i feel like they’d be down for anything. hobbies may be painting, singing, listening to music, sleeping, having friends over, drugs, and alcohol, etc. probably has many playlists, and listens to everything. “stoner” music lmao. most likely one of your children will have pisces/neptune in their chart, probably the oldest. children may be bashful, over sensitive, imaginative, lazy, sweet, etc since these are the traits of pisces. children’s birth may have hidden details(ancestry, hereditary, etc).

[notcolleen]

🌿👼

[[MORE]]

was super anxious over the long weekend waiting to hear back from my old boss abt returning to work, imagined her replying with “lol no way goodbye” in 372916 different ways or just never replying and leaving me refreshing my email for yrs, made sure my email was super formal/structured/formatted correctly bc it’s been like a year since ive spoken with her and i wanted to be Professional

i had asked abt returning for the upcoming school year and let her know i’d be available during the summer if any additional training was required, figuring that would give me time to finish out this php, step down to iop, make aftercare appointments, etc

she replied back yesterday (complete with like 3 typos and no capitalization lol) basically saying “hey you know youre welcome back anytime, the kids and parents all miss you and would be so excited, we have openings now so if u can start back now that would be easier, when can you start??”

and i am so stressed abt money that im probably gonna end up doing that rather than waiting but im worried abt the fact that financial stress is my driving motivation for returning, not a desire to return rn….like yes i do miss it and im grateful that she was so quick to offer me the position back, but i feel like im rushing things again and don’t want to mess up the progress ive made recently and im still technically in php so would probably have to leave ama depending on how the scheduling works out, idk things just feel messy again and that’s hard for my brain to handle and im trying to employ the coping skills ive been learning in the first place but i also need answers to know what my days look like moving forward

(also in the back on my head is the creeping anxiety that i am losing sight of how bad things were before i left, that working in a school rn is kind of a nightmare and i know that, and that one of the reasons she’s so quick to hire me back immediately is that ppl are leaving at rapid rates. it was a great job and i miss working with the kids so much but wow it was draining and i just don’t know mental health wise if i am there)

tldr: im anxious not working and im anxious working and im just anxious all the time ‼️👼

[radiorenjun]

Grand announcement ❗❗❗

Yep you read that right and no this is not a joke, unfortunately.

Honestly is it that much of a surprise?

Um I don't know when I'm actually going to post this or if I will post this considering I've been debating on whether i should actually take time off of not. But depending on the date I post this, its either going to be one of two reasons or both.

LETS GO WITH THE POSITIVE ONE FIRST SHALL WE?

First of all, Happy Ramadan! My maids going back to her old village for the holidays so I'm going to have to assist my parents in babysitting more til she gets back. Therefore I will be too busy to post or update. Or maybe my parents plan an unexpected vacation or something and I'll be too busy to communicate with anyone on my phone.

Edit: I take it back my mom fired her when she caught some cigarette ashes in her room today (my maid went back to her village yesterday btw) and now we gonna get a temporary one that comes and goes everyday at the end of Ramadan LMFAOOO more chores for me then

Also, im posting this to just inform everyone I'll be okay and I'll return somewhere in the end of May or the beginning of June considering I promised a few moots to voice call then. Man, it feels weird speaking all serious like this. It feels even weirder that I'm not even using capslock lmfao.

Okay the other reason. Im not really thrilled to think that it's finally drove me up so far i have to take a break from everything.

If you can't tell from how I've been on and off lately uh like my mental health is getting bad. Like really really bad?

I won't go into much details but for safety stuff here's your trigger warning for ED, SH, Depression, Nightmares, etc. If you don't want to read this part you can scroll down until you see some random red statement I'll write later so you can see what I have to say before i leave.

Uh okay where do I start. To sum it all up basically, my mental health is in absolute ruins? At the moment?? Uh... It's been the worst it has been in the past three to four years? I don't know anymore. I can't sleep properly because I keep having nightmares of past su1c1d3 attempts and the outcome of actually succeeding. I can't eat properly anymore. My SH habits and my anxiety is coming back (every beginning of every month though so it wasn't as bad as way way when this started) and I trying my best to stop it again. I'm almost a month clean but I doubt that I can last more than that again because everything seems to get worse and worse. I cry myself to sleep because of my thoughts being so fucked up. I tried coming forward with this so many times to my parents and my teachers but they won't believe me, i can't do anything anymore except try to get better by myself. I can't bring myself to communicate with anyone anymore knowing full well that the only thing that's keeping me alive at this moment is socializing. I keep having flashbacks of when older men stalked me everywhere I went in the past. I lie awake knowing that nothing can bring me comfort except seeing that one idol who you all probably know by now. Im literally depending on him to keep me together during the day it's not even funny anymore lmfao.

I have to do endless chores, deal with all of this at once, catch up on two semesters worth of materials for my new school, deal with my graduation ceremony which is coming around this month or next month? Somehow I developed some type of anger issues the past year so haha that's great yuh no.

To stop you from worrying, no, I don't have suicidal tendencies anymore but I don't exactly have something to be thrilled living for. I'm just vibin in life at this point lmao

I'm just tired. I'm really really tired. Id lie awake crying my eyes out while listening to renjun voice audios. I'm tired of crying all the time and I'm tired of everything. Im tired of laying in bed overthinking and stressing bout things that wouldnt normally bother as much. I promise I won't do anything stupid

I won't be gone long. I'm not okay at the moment but I will be. Because at the end i need to be okay again. I'm giving myself time to heal again before something gets bad. I promise I'll come back from time to time. I promise I'll be okay again and I'll come back as that happy hyper renjun simp who swears and uses capslock, spamming memes or whatever.

I'm not comfortable opening up about anything that goes beyond too sad in my life so I'm just going to leave it at that

You can stop scrolling now. The triggering part is over.

Thank you for all the moots who decided to cheer me up unknowingly whenever I was having a mental breakdown. Thank you for reading up to here lmfao uh I don't know what to say? God Im a mess.

Dms on both tumblr and discord will be pretty slow. I'm sorry but I'll reply to my asks like a day or two after they're sent. I won't be posting much until June and I'm truly sorry for those who were waiting for the last chapter of idni, im taking this chance to also rethink the ending so I can somehow make it better than I originally planned it literally a year ago.

Damn broken English 101.

As I said before, I'll be okay when I get back. I'll be the happy hyper angie I always was and always will be when I return. I don't know when I'll post this but hopefully I don't haha. You don't have to be worried about me, this happened before and I always come back okay again. I'll be okay, I promise. I'll be back in a month.

Do what yall do and don't forget to tag me whenever you post any renjun fics haha. I'll miss you all, don't forget about me okay? Haha.

I'll be looking forward to writing again and hopefully I'll be mentally and physically healthy then. Hopefully I'll have my motivation in writing back again by then. I'll try my best to commit into getting better and being happy. Plus I wanna start an sm au but rn it doesn't seem very likely haha

I'll be contacting my networks bout this as soon as I post this.

Thank you and see you all later

[chaoticpanpan]

I headcanon that habit has a serious case of cute aggression. Just an idea im putting out there uwu

(In my writing Flower Kid is of course you or who you put into the universe etc. etc. You get the idea)

Op you are entirely too true. While he will not go absolutely berserk, if you do something what he sees as well bad....expect to have a more "serious" Boris. Almost like a parent. Especially if concerning your health. Being neglectful is not something you do around this man. His aggression I see as him tormenting you basically till you give in. If you feel bad or under the weather it wont take long for you to let him care for you.

----------------------------

💭: Okay you have a small headache. What you thought was a headache that is. It's not something too much to think about till you get questioned by Boris. You shrug it off as just some stress from your everyday life, work(possibly),school, or just things on your mind. He cocks an eyebrow and leaves you to be while you relax on his and Kamal's recliner in their living room telling you there's some Ibuprofen in the cabinets if needed.

💭: Suspicion rises when you start feeling worse than before even with the medicine in your system. A cough and sniffle from you brings Boris out of his room and standing at where their hallway begins. He walks out, arms crossed with a concerned expression. You know you aren't feeling well but, you can't possibly bother him with something you can take care of right? "Y/N you need to tell me if you are feeling bad. It's no problem at all if I need to take care of you oki?" Boris explains to you. That being said you just can't let him do it.

You wave him off. "I'll be fine, please don't worry. It's just allergies and stuff. It happens this time of year." Although you were completely lying to him which you did /not/ do. The taller man frowned and walked closer to you this time where he's in touching distance. "I do not think these are allergies." Boris starts tapping his foot looking down at you. The averting of eye contact let's him know something is up with you. A turn of the heel he goes to the bathroom rummaging around coming out surprisingly fast dressed in a lab coat he kept after the Habitat while holding a medical bag.

💭: "Doctor Boris" Time!

You begin to argue with him while he's standing there with a calm smile placed on his face wagging his finger. "You cannot hide the fact you don't feel well. Now let's go to the kitchen nd' I can take a better look at you there." You protest and tell him "no", this only makes the smile twitch and a growing aggravation come from him. Boris simply nods and at an instant before you can reply back the man has you in his arms taking you to the guest room you stay at while visiting and places you in bed.

"I care about you Y/N and I cannot have you just staying sick and not be healthy again. Now say 'ah." Boris had a spoonful of medicine just for you ready and up to your mouth. You close your mouth tight and shake your head sinking into the pillow. Boris tilts his head at this. " Oh, so you wish not to take the medicine? That is such a shame. I cannot have you though /not/ take it. Ah, well I guess it's time to get more assertive with you,though I don't wish to do that seeing the state you're in...you leave me no choice." It was almost like you knew what was coming and hid under the covers. This did not stop him though.

Boris taking free hand poked at your side making you jump up. "Now,now are you sure we need to bring in the other method to make you take it?" You pop your head from the covers and furrow your brow. "I'm okay Boris really I just-" with all this going on at the last moment you went to open your mouth he popped the spoon right in patting your head. "Now let the medicine go down and rest. I'm not letting you leave especially in the condition your in. I can feel you're warm." You huff and still shake your head leaning back into your pillow.

Seeing you upset with him made the man's smile disappear and he gently patted the covers. "I just want you better Y/N. Same with Kamal if he's feeling bad. I promise to make your stay here enjoyable if you'll just let me help." Still a little mad about it you think about it for a bit and have to agree maybe it /is/ best you let him take care of you while you're ill.

After a moment passed you looked up at him and smile softly nodding. This made him smile back with a much bigger one. "That is all I need to see. You lay back and get rest. You need it." Taking a bigger blanket at the end of the bed he covered you in it as well tucking you in. Your eyes start to narrow down as you snuggle into the warm cozy bed. Slowly after you're asleep Boris takes a seat at the desk in the spare room and leans back getting comfortable himself also going asleep.

------------------------------

;; I hope this is kinda what you meant by cute aggression. I just kinda took it as him basically pestering till he got you to do what he wanted. I've also been feeling under the weather myself so I wanted to do something soft. Bear with me I haven't written anything since my Hetalia days haha.

[fairycosmos]

There is more beyond this. You will survive this. I know I don’t know how you feel. I know this is the worst pain you’ve ever felt. But please hold on. Please just keep waking up. Even if it’s just to drink some water and step outside for 2 minutes. I promise it is worth it. I promise there is more than this.

you're an angel and i appreciate that you believe in me so strongly - i know i'm sad on here and keep posting about wanting to d*e but i promise i am not going to act on those thoughts any time soon, i cant, wouldn't do it to my parents after they lost one kid. and please please dont feel obligated to worry about me/know what to say etc. it is nobodys job to do that, i just wanted to make that clear because i am worried it's coming across manipulative to be posting about suicide even if it's how i'm feeling 😬😔 im just talking freely into the void because i have literally no one and am in a lot of pain, but it is my responsibility to seek help if i think i need it and my responsibility to look after my mental health. it's not on anyone else, just because some of my thoughts are public, so don't stress. ofc i appreciate the emotional support though, more than i can say. thank you so so much for wanting me to stick around and for being such a consistent light. it really does help me more than you know. i dont believe there is more than this, though it's a lovely sentiment. my life feels fundamentally worthless now the most important person is gone, nothings real. but i am going to keep waking up 💖💞 n knowing theres ppl like you out there does make that a lot easier. please take care n get through the days with me ok !! 💖💕

[flowerslightning]

The OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in FF7

This thing actually caught my eyes while reading a few theory about FF7R and the word OCD appear in their certain analysis, in IG, youtube comments and some posts in tumblr too. Dunno why but they always relate Biggs with OCD. I looked back to the scenes where Biggs appear and... Okay, i understand why they thinj Biggs has OCD or perfectionist

A lot of people, including the psych students themselves easily confused with OCD and perfectionist (I got confused by it quite often too). Now, is Biggs OCD or is he just a perfectionist? Let's take a deeper look at it

Biggs is not a famous character. So fans dont really care about him, but I do

Disclaimer : i'm not a psychologist. Im an intern and still studying. Psychiatric is not my major field but i got assigned there as an intern for quite a time and we got exposed a lot about psychology too. We didnt learn them professionally like the real psyche students, we learned (and still under training) through real life experience + a little bit from the books.

So there might be wrong interpretation here and there. Pls correct me if I'm misleading u. And pardon my english. Pls dont use any of these terms to diagnose urself. Remember, I'm a student, not a professional.

I kins of blame the social media for portraying OCD in such a nasty way, when someone with OCD is actually suffering inside.

OCD is not just about 'clean clean, must clean this place till squeaky clean' and OCD is not about being perfectionist. OCD and perfectionist are two different thing.

Perfectionist is more to a demand demeanour, eg "I want the cake to be like this. I want it to be pink. No, not that pink, it must be neon pink with slight purple. Do it again. No, i dont want that pink. Do it again. Ahhh yess, nice pink." Someone with perfectionist, after they got their result, they will immediately bcome calm and satisfied. Perfectionist is obviously different from OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD falls under Personality Disorder and it is different from OCD. Im not going to talk about that

Credit goes to crazyheadcomics.

Look at how OCD got spoken from the media perspective. It is very much resemble to Biggs, dont u think? In reality, someone with OCD always feel stress about everything around them, and they will find it hard to complete their task.

OCD has two components - Obsessive and Compulsive

| 1. Obsessive. It is a repeating thoughts about something and often occur until it makes someone feel stress about it. Eg, u think that ur hand will get bacteria infection if u touch a chair, door, fridge or when holding someone's hand. This thought always appear in ur mind everytime u touch the door, chair, fridge or somebody's hand, but when u touch ur shoes, u never think about the bacteria (in certain cases, some patients become scare of everything they touch)

| 2. Compulsive. It is a repeating of the same actions to fulfill the 'obsession' in order to reduce the stress acted upon them. Usually the 'action' has a specific ways in which the patient believe he has to do it like this or that way or else he will fail. Eg, after touching the chair, he will immediately wash his hand 10x from left to right. He believes the hand washing wont be effective if he starts from right to left

Another sign of OCD is when someone re-checking the door lock few times. Its normal for us to re-check once/twice the door lock for confirmation, but for people with OCD, they will re-check the door lock for about 6-10 times and still not feel satisfied and later they stress out. And also the OCD people, they tend to get annoyed when something is not in particular order and they will immediately fix it eventhough they know they're wrong.

I met a funny woman at the hosp arranging our students' books according to its thickness, when I asked her why did she arranged our books like that,

She replied : "Doctor said I have CDO"

Me : "Sorry, CDO? Never heard of it"

She : "It is actually OCD but I feel so stress hearing that term so I put it in alphabetical order. CDO, much better"

We both had a good laugh. Her case was not serious though, but she was feeling miserable with her thoughts and decided to meet a psychiatrist. I would say she was still in early stage for someone with OCD, but may lead to severe if left untreated

It is really hard to satisfy and convince someone with OCD and they always feel stress about something they shouldnt care too much about. U can say OCD is a fastidious type, and they're actually more than that

If we want to relate this condition with Bigg's case., urmm. The only time where I can spot him being different than the other characters is when he's busy sweeping his front house and when he pat Cloud's head during the Sector 7 plate fall.

The cleaning stuff isnt exactly weird thing for a human to do. But it is something odd, I mean, he just finished his mission with Jessie and survived a jump from the plate, and yet he still have the energy to sweep dry leaves, AT NIGHT! He can wait till tomorrow though and should get himself a proper rest.

Wedge says Biggs has a habit of overthinking stuff

And there we see Biggs sweeping the dry leaves. It might be because he is trying to distract himself from doing his bad habit - overthinking. But urm , i think there'll be higher chance for someone to overthink when doing house chore like Biggs is doing. This is where lots of people say Biggs cleaning the house at night is bcause he has OCD or he's a perfectionist.

But I dont think thats the case. For real, he is completely normal. No sign of him acting weird in that scene. If he really does have OCD or he's a perfectionist, we'll see more of him arguing with Barret about unnecessary stuff. He cant become one of Avalanche's strongest member (not exactly strong, but hey, he's trustworthy). Also, if u notice, Biggs have one earring on his right ear. Someone with OCD will feel irritated by it bcause his ear doesnt look 'balance'. OCD people, even in mild case, they want everything about them to be balance and in good order.

After trying to understand Biggs way of thinking and style through his short screentime, I strongly believe this guy has no such thing as OCD or being a perfectionist. Biggs just cares tooooo much about his friends, he thinks 10 times ahead from the bigger picture in which it frightens him about the bad consequences that will occur to people he cherish.

He is the type that always have a back up plan in his mind. He thinks of 5 possible bad things and comes out with 10 solutions. That's the power of an overthinker like Biggs I'll tell ya

Biggs probably cleaning his front house area at night bcause the next early morning, he will need to leave his house for the bombing mission. Better take care of things the night before the big day. He can ditch the cleaning work but he wont do it, not bcause he's a perfectionist/OCD, but try to imagine this, if ur front house is full with dry leaves and rubbish, it will be unpleasant for the neighbours next to ur house to see. Living in the slum means higher chance for u to get sick if u dont take care of ur surrounding hygiene. Biggs is a kind man, and I believe he doesnt want to upset his neighbours

He probably has overthink this matter like "If i dont do this now, I probably dont have time for doing it tomorrow. Maybe I'll broke my leg from the mission and this trash will be left untouched, then there'll be high chance for the children around here to get sick. What if they get infectious disease bcause of this dry leaves? And then the parents will be worried and the Sector 7 Slum will be in chaos etc etc. Time for plan A. Let's clean this place"

Besides, remember the post where I mentioned about Mental Health First Aid? Biggs, as the side character gives the best MFA to Cloud even without knowing what Cloud had gone through. Biggs is just toooo kind with his friends, he cares too much causing him to overthinks about his friends conditions. He can notice even the slightest change in his friend's behaviour and with his own instinct, he cheers for them

Aww man, how can u not love his personality? He's the sweetest side character ever (and kinda hot too).

Soo as the conclusion for my post here, Biggs does not have OCD. He's a side character with a big heart who cares tooooooo deeply about his friends that leads him to overthink too much.

However, if the devs say Biggs really has OCD then my statement about him will be invalid. I'm sure they have put everything in a very close detail look.

Btw, I personally think Biggs kind of portrays the other small side of Cloud, the overthinking part for their romantic partner. But Biggs express his worry through words while Cloud express it through his actions, eg - like how he always keep an eye on Tifa. He never speak it directly like "I'm worry about Tifa, I must help her", he just simply be with her either she needs a help or not. While Biggs clearly says "Jessie been acting weird, I should go if she needs any - help -"

Action speaks louder than words but sometimes our eyes failed to listen.

Alright, that's it. Thanks for being with me till the end.

[successfullyadhd]

im 31, and after over a decade of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, my therapist and I are finally thinking it’s ADHD. i’ve had a gut feeling about it for a while and every ADHD post is relatable. now the problem is finding an place that does adult assessments and is affordable (no insurance). do you have any tips on going through the assessment as an adult? and if i can’t afford it, and can’t get medication. how do i ever become the productive focused person i want to be? thanks.

Sorry in advance for the long post... I put the most relevant bits in bold for a TL;DR version.

 I know getting diagnosed as an adult can seem daunting, but you shouldn’t worry too much. While ADHD was once viewed as something that only affected children, it is now widely recognized as a lifelong disorder and you shouldn’t have to fear being dismissed because you weren’t diagnosed early in life. It’s extremely helpful that you have been seeing a therapist, and they also think you have ADHD. Ask them to send over their notes when you do go to the doctor.

As for how to get diagnosed - I’ll start by saying I hate the way American healthcare is set up, as medication and healthcare in general are expensive. I have to move frequently for me and my husband’s jobs (we both work in hospitality, and as the saying goes, “You have to move out to move up!”). Because most (all?) ADHD medications are a Schedule II drug (highly regulated but still legal), I have to get rediagnosed in every new state. I always bring my past history, but most doctors want to complete testing as they are monitored for prescribing stimulants and can lose their license if found to be providing this medication without ample documentation. (All of this to say - I have been through the procedure many times as an adult.) Depending on the state, some doctors also require bloodwork and an EKG to ensure you are healthy enough to receive the medication (although some will accept past test results if done recently enough.) Also depending on the state and doctor, they may have additional requirements. In Florida, my doctor wanted a multitude of tests, and asked for a sleep study to ensure the medication wasn’t causing poor sleep. In California, as part of the Kaiser HMO system, I was required to do periodic drug tests to ensure I wasn’t also using street drugs, and to check that the Adderall was in my system (as a test that I was using it as prescribed, and not selling it). Some states are much easier – Utah, Alabama and West Virginia all were able to diagnose me in one appointment and prescribed the medication same day. Last, a General Practitioner won’t typically prescribe it and will direct you to a psychiatrist. Even if you did have insurance, most don’t cover psychiatrists or if they do, it comes with a different deductible (because obviously mental health isn’t part of regular health (heavy sarcasm)). After diagnosing, you have to meet with the doctor once a month to get the prescription refilled – due to the Schedule II status, they can’t have it on an auto-refill like other medications and they need to ensure you aren’t abusing it or having negative side effects. (although the one good thing to come out of COVID is that it normalized tele-health appointments, since an in-person meeting with a doctor once a month can be difficult to schedule). Even though I have health insurance, I typically pay out of pocket $120 a month for my visit with the doctor, and after insurance and a coupon I pay $73 for two medications (Adderall & Vyvanse). I’m fortunate now to be able to afford that expense – at the times in my life where I couldn’t, I would request a 30 day supply of the more affordable pills and only take medication on days where I couldn’t function without it (such as doing large amounts of paperwork) and try to use learned behavior techniques the rest of the time, to stretch out my resources.

As far as what goes into the actual diagnosis – doctors most commonly use a questionnaire about your daily life to assess you. Here is a link to commonly-used questionnaires: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-assessments-and-tests/.

I know I just made it seem very daunting to get diagnosed and on a medication, but I want to be honest with you about what the process looks like, and again, depending on where you live it can be done in one session. Now that is out of the way, let me give you some information that is more helpful:

If you can, skip asking a regular GP for a referral and make an appointment directly with a psychiatrist. This will save you the extra cost of the doctor’s appointment, just to be told someone else will help. Many places have low cost mental health centers and ADHD falls into that realm, so I would check out what is available in your city. Before making an appointment, confirm the following:

-          Do they diagnose ADHD?

-          Do they prescribe medication? (Therapists don’t prescribe, only psychiatrists, and some will not prescribe ADHD medication at all so it’s important to be clear that it is your intention to receive medication if diagnosed)

-          What tests do they require for diagnosing, and prescribing medication? (Some places may have more or less requirements, and it can even vary within a city or state. This way you will know if it’s something you can afford at the time.)

Talk with the doctor about your specific situation, and what medications are affordable without insurance. Adderall, for example, is past the 10 year exclusive patent and now has a generic version available. It comes in quick release and slow release, depending on your needs. You can also talk to the doctor about a prescription to both quick and slow release, so you take the correct medicine based on your needs for that day (marathon work day? Slow release that extends over the entire day. Afternoon project – quick release that lasts for four hours). Vyvanse is great but doesn’t have a generic version and is insanely expensive without insurance (to the tune of $350+). Use the GoodRX app to find deals on medication without insurance (Adderall is about $15 for a month supply with this app). There are a ton of drug options so look up the pricing during the doctor’s visit, so you can confirm that you can afford what they prescribe. Also keep in mind that getting a prescription filled is the same cost whether you get 1 pill or 30 (a fact I learned the hard way when getting a 10 pill prescription filled once.)

 If you read all that and thought, Thanks but no thanks, here are some other options:

-          My psychiatrist in Florida recommended that I take Rhodiola Rosea supplements in addition to medication, as it has clinically proven positive effects on ADHD symptom control. I found it on Amazon. Omega-3 fatty acid supplements are also proven effective.

-          If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here is a super comprehensive study of various dietary supplements and behavior modifications that work or don’t work for ADHD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4968082/

-          Practicing meditation is a great way to relax your body (increased stress, while helpful for short-term tasks, can make ADHD symptoms worse long term) and train your mind to hold onto singular, important thoughts (people’s names, why you walked into the kitchen, etc). I use the Waking Up app and love it – there are also many free options in the App Store and on YouTube.

-          Regular exercise is another great way to manage ADHD symptoms, as it gives your body a natural serotonin and dopamine boost, two important chemicals your body has trouble producing and absorbing naturally.

-          Caffeine is a great, easily accessible stimulant that has a focusing and calming effect on ADHD individuals. My doctor actually asked my parents to give me coffee each morning before school when I was a child, before we moved onto prescriptions.

-          Often, there are other factors that go along with ADHD, such as anxiety and/or depression. Getting this under control can go a long way in managing ADHD as well. I’m not sure if you have any issues with those, but it can be helpful to treat both if you do. The medication Wellbutrin is used to treat depression and also has mild stimulants, which would be helpful for both conditions. It isn’t a Schedule II drug, so you can probably ask your doctor for a 3 or 6 month prescription.

-          There are a ton more mind hacks and learned behavioral mechanisms you can try – read some of my other posts for suggestions.

Of course, I have to give the legal disclaimer – all of this is based on my personal experience, I’m not licensed in the medical field in any way and only a doctor can give you proper advice for your body and situation, and what medications will be most helpful. 😊

[theperplexityoftheunknown]

What is a relationship to be continued

You may ask yourself why this is Important yet it is very important! We will discuss Why they are important to your well being and what type of person you are in a relationship? I think if you take the time to read this post in its entirety and intense complexity you will have a better understanding of where you are in life and what more you can become by understanding the perplexity of every relation to man or relationship because trust me THIS BABY is going to get TOUGH.

Lets start of with the first question what is a relationship

the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other. : a romantic or sexual friendship between two people. : the way in which two or more people or things are connected.

Please go ahead and read one more time because that may or may not be the closest thing of a relationship to that you have a mutual relation  and understanding of but its way, way more complex just keep reading.

Each relationship we have encountered has been determined by how we were raised Im going to refer to some quick psycho-social information coming from a study introduced during world war 2 by British psychoanalyst john bowbly, whose lonely childhood gave him a lifelong interest in the power of parenthood.

In the 1970s a test was conducted by Bowlby’s student Mary Ainsworth. She performed the strange situation test where children that's age ranged from 12-18 months were put  in a toy-filled room with their mother and given a chance to play. A stranger enters and interacts with the parent and child,then mom exited the room-- leaving behind a confused and alarmed little kid. A few minutes later mom returned and comforted her toddler. Needless to say being separated from the person who feeds, protects, and tends to you is frighting for any toddler, but the test showed definite categories of reaction to that fear.

Why is this important ?

Early Attachment.

As seen above you can see that a study was conducted concerning attachment styles. It's important because it is with this information that you find out what type of relationships You are going to be compatible with. Some types absolutely do not collide but if you think this is all about “how do i form a relationship” well keep reading because its not possible for everyone.

1 Secure, when it is evident to have a secure attachment style when the parenting style was: Warm, attentive,relatively consistent, and quick to respond based on that approach the child's Baseline Emotional Status (BES) would have been happy, confident, and curious which would have subconsciously continues into adulthood with the Child’s expectation of life being: My need will be met

2. Anxious -Ambivalent/resistant, it is evident to have an anxious attachment style when the parenting style was: Inconsistent: sometimes responsive and sometimes not. The Child's BES would have been Insecure, anxious, and intensely emotional which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “IF i act in the right ways, I might earn love and my needs may be met”

3. Avioident- ,it is evident to have a avoidant attachment style when the parenting style was: Distant and Cold, or harsh and critical. The child's BES would have been Emotionally shut down which in return would have subconsciously continued into adulthood with the child's expectation of life being: “I can't trust anyone to meet my needs. I must meet my own needs.

Im sure your getting the idea of why this is now important

Lets looks at three statements

1 I find it relatively easy to get close to others and am comfortable depending on them. I don't often worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.

2. I find that others are reluctant to get as close as I would like. I often worry that my partner doesn't really love me or doesn't want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

3 i am somewhat uncomfortable being close to others:  i find it difficult to trust them completely, difficult to allow myself to depend on them. I am nervous when anyone gets too close, and often, love partners want me to be more intimate than i feel comfortable being

In 1987 psychologist cindy hazan and philip shaver reported the results of the statements above  they called it the ‘love quiz’

56% of adults respondents had identified themselves as secure, 19% as anxious and 25% as avoidant

The perfect combination

Secure people tend to have the most secure relationships, and a relationship needs only ONE secure partner to get that stability. With a partner who is happy to give reassurance and isn't threatened by the idea of being needed, an anxious person can relax, and is often loyal and loving. With someone who doesn't take it personally when their partner wants time alone,avoidant people can worry less about being tied down- however, most of the compromises in the relationship will likely be made by the secure partner. The real problem comes when two insecure types get together. If relationships often get messy for you, learning to recognize attachment styles and understanding how they clash can give you a path through the conflict

But then again Here comes perhaps the most perlex question i can ask? What happens in adult hood when you experience the pain and turama of a heartbreak?

What particularly does that do to each individual and how do they cope?

Do some people perhaps just shut down! Absolutely not! One subconsciously gains the ability to cope with their losses how? Lets start with:

Sexual compulsion – Relationship with sex, attachment and sexual orientation

I know your wondering What the Fuck where did this just turn to but trust me, or dont but you may or may not want to hear this or perhaps your brain craves the knowledge to understand and you ask yourself why your life is working in the way it is; remembemer its all in you!

I believe the first coping skill for some may be Hypersexuallity which I will refer to later.

2. I believe a conduct Disorder  DSM-IV-TR 314.9 Is primary consistent with feelings of Emotional shock from a previous ‘heartbreaking’ or traumatic event.

I will explain. I'm going to refer to the diagnostic features of conduct disorder which manifest itself  as a repetitive and persistent pattern in  which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated. These behaviours fall into four main groupings” Criteria A1-A7 aggressive conduct that causes or threatens physical harm to other people or animals .

Or see criteria A8-A9 nonaggressive conduct that causes property loss or damage Or see A9 - A13, DECEITFULNESS OR THEFT

It is definite that promiscuous behavior is dangerous therefore someone engaging in Criteria a1-a7 w/o aggression and associated with parts or in hole with A8-9

Furthermore  the prevalence of conduct disorder appears to have increased over the last decades and may be higher in urban than in rural settings.

Course.

Individuals with conduct disorder are at risk for later mood disorders, anxiety disorders, somatoform disorders, and substance related disorders.

Sexual addiction, also known as hypersexual disorder, is associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people.

Sexual addiction, which is also known as hypersexual disorder, has been associated with serious psychosocial problems for many people although it has not been recognized as a disorder that merits inclusion in the DSM (Quadland, 1985) – see Karila et al. (2014) for review. Originally, Carnes (1983)published a book titled Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction, which has raised interest in the area and facilitated a discussion on the best way to define and diagnose the disorder. Despite different views about pathological characteristics of sexual addiction there is an agreement that this is a progressive relapsing condition which does not merely refer to a pathological diagnosis of sexual lifestyle that is socially deviant (Edger, 2010).

Sexual addiction involves compulsive behaviors such as constantly seeking new sexual partners, having frequent sexual encounters, engaging in compulsive masturbation and frequently using pornography. Despite efforts to reduce or stop excessive sexual behaviors individuals find it difficult to stop and they engage in risky sexual activities, pay for sexual services and resist behavioral changes to avert HIV risk (Carnes, 1991; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002; Coleman, Raymond & McBean, 2003; Kalichman & Rompa, 1995). Sexual compulsivity has been associated with the number of unprotected vaginal sex acts with female sexual workers, lower self-efficacy for condom use, greater use of illicit drugs, and more financial need (Semple et al., 2010).

Cognitive and emotional symptoms include obsessive thoughts of sex, feelings of guilt about excessive sexual behavior, the desire to escape from or suppress unpleasant emotions, loneliness, boredom, low self-esteem, shame, secrecy regarding sexual behaviors, rationalization about the continuation of sexual behaviors, indifference toward a regular sexual partner, a preference for anonymous sex, a tendency to disconnect intimacy from sex, and an absence of control in many aspects of life (Carnes, 2000, 2001; Carnes & Schneider, 2000; Coleman et al., 2003; Coleman-Kennedy & Pendley, 2002). Finally, some studies find that sexual addiction is associated with or in response to dysphoric affects (Black, Kehrberg, Flumerfelt & Schlosser, 1997; Raymond, Coleman & Miner, 2003; Reid, 2007; Reid, Carpenter, Spackman & Willes, 2008; Reid & Carpenter, 2009) or stressful life events (Miner et al., 2007).

Attachment theory (Bowlby, 1979, 1982) argued that early attachment experiences affect personal and social life, professional relationships, dealing with stress, mental and physical health and cognitive development. According to recent developments in attachment theory, those who developed a safe attachment style which is not anxious or avoidant during infancy can form healthy relationships in adolescence and adulthood and handle life problems (Uytun, Oztop, Esel & Mdusunen, 2013). Individuals with secure attachment are expected to have low chances of becoming addicted to sex since they regulate and limit their sexual activity more than those with insecure attachment (Zapf, Greiner & Carroll, 2008). Furthermore, individuals who are addicted to sex are looking for sexual activity without the need for emotional relationships and they are more likely to be characterized by avoidant or anxious attachment (Gentzler & Kerns, 2004).

Gay men are diverse with respect to the sexual behaviors they both desire and enact (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010; Sanderson, 1994). Moreover, gay men differ from other groups in their sexual behavior. Research shows that, on average, gay men have more partners, engage in more risky sexual behavior, and are more likely to seek sexual sensation than other groups, such as heterosexual men, women and lesbians (Bailey, Gaulin, Agyei & Gladue, 1994; Ekstrand, Stall, Paul, Osmond & Coates, 1999; Thompson, Yager & Martin, 1993). But among homosexual men there is variability in the propensity to engage in compulsive unprotected sex. Meyer and Dean (1995) have reported that about 6% of their 149 young New York City gay men (aged 18–24 years) engaged in very high risk behavior, defined as unprotected receptive anal intercourse with multiple partners. It appears that very high risk takers are qualitatively different from other risk takers: they reported more mental health problems, including more drug use and higher levels of internalized homophobia and AIDS-related traumatic stress response. Furthermore, there are moderators of sexual behavior among gay men such as being in monogamous relationships. Also sexual health and sexual health behaviors for example sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) were most influential over the enactment of sexual behavior or desires (Moskowitz & Roloff, 2010).

Few studies investigated sexual compulsivity among heterosexual and homosexual men. Furthermore, to the best of our knowledge, the relationships between compulsive sexual behavior and attachment and sexual preference or orientation have not been investigated before. We have therefore investigated sexual compulsivity and attachment style among populations of heterosexual and homosexual men and women. We hypothesized that secure attachment would be associated with lower rates of sex compulsion. Secondly, that homosexual men and women would show higher levels of sexual compulsivity than heterosexual men and women. Thirdly, we hypothesized that attachment style might mediate between sexual orientation and sexual compulsion.

[iantojack]

first day of my week off and im MORE tired n stressed than normal !!!

been looking for another hamster, cant stand not having one. and it seems everyone has gone mad on hamsters bc i cant find one for love nor money. im picky about coat colours etc so i thought i might struggle but i went to like 6 diff places today and havent even seen a SINGLE hamster (also more annoyed bc i know its lockdown boredom and parents buying hamsters spur of the moment for children who havent done any research and are housing them in tiny pet shop cages for the rest of their miserable lives but thats ANOTHER thing)

after 4 hours of driving round and making calls i have a litter to look at tomorrow hopefully for collection end of the week. another litter somewhere else that i can see pictures of on tuesday. and another place that is getting some one day this week but they dont know which so i gotta keep calling to find out. so by the end of the week i should HOPEFULLY have a hamster

did do some good hamster shopping today though ! got a really nice piece of java wood, loads of chews, some forage flower mix, hay, a new coconut hide, a nice big bag of different grasses and herbs. got my last online order coming on tuesday/wednesday then i can properly set up my enclosure ready for a new little one 

and scooby came back from the groomer today with a lot less hair he hasnt been done since pre lockdown and i looked at him and his face is swollen like all under his one eye and that eye is closed up smaller than his other one. so he now has a vet appointment for tomorrow. im Guessing its a tooth issue and hes gonna have to have it removed which is gonna mean surgery which i dont love but ://// he is completely himself and bright and happy and it doesnt seem to hurt him so hopefully all will be ok

im like lets have a week off work lets not worry about animals and their health and wellbeing at all times lets go home and worry about THOSE animals instead thats a great thing to do 

[heytheredeann]

Quaran-meme

I was tagged by @im-the-punk-who and I’m keeping his title because it’s glorious. 

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yeah, my university has been closed since, um, February 24th I think? I’m not sure if they were all closed on the same day in the entire country. They could maybe open up again on May 4th, but we are waiting on news.

If you’re staying home, who is with you?

NO ONE, GOD BLESS

Are you a homebody?

I will be 100% candid here. The answer is yes, and quarantine is probably the best I’ve been doing mental-health wise in forever. I miss like two or three people, but I am alone (whereas my dad and sister are stuck with my mother......... thoughts and prayers) and I don’t have to go visit my parents once a month as I usually do (which is stressful and annoying and prevents me from studying even if I wanted to) and I’ve had more time on my hands to study than I would have had I been forced to go to class. Not to mention that, even under normal circumstances, my brain is on a constant state of “Outside world! People! They are  d a n g e r o u s”, so as far as my brain is concerned the world has simply caught up with me and instead of having this looming vague threat that makes ‘outside’ so dangerous there is a pandemic, there’s a name for it, there are things that I can do to protect myself. Tbh, I’ve never felt so calm. Sure, studying still stresses me out because uni is a mess now and I’m terrified I won’t be able to get my degree etc etc, but I’d probably be worried about that regardless of the pandemic, so. 

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

Bold of you to assume I have a social life. Maybe this year’s pride? I managed to finally talk myself into attending my first one last June, I doubt there will be one under the circumstances, but I would have loved to go.

What movies have you watched recently?

I don’t watch many movies (too much of a commitment LOL), so it’s been a while actually (could be two weeks. could be a month. what is even time.) but the last three were: Jojo Rabbit (good but  u p s e t t i n g), Unicorn store (absolutely lovely) and Portrait of a Lady on Fire (great, 10/10, sign me up).

What shows are you watching?

LOL, how long do you have? I’m always on a Black Sails rewatch because I have no shame (*wink wink*), I’ve been watching Northern Rescue on Netflix because it was on my list (it’s okay, a bit sad and nothing special, but okay) aaaaand there are tons of shows currently airing that I’m following: 911, the Charmed reboot, In the dark, Tommy, Little fires everywhere, Killing Eve, Bull, Our Girl, Vagrant Queen, Prodigal Son, Batwoman, Council of dads (though judging from the promo of the second episode I might drop this one really fast...). And this is not including the miniseries/shows that I’ve recently watched/caught up on LOL. Yes, I have a problem.

What music are you listening to?

I have not been listening to that much music actually, probably because I usually do that while I’m cleaning or on a train. Obviously no trains in quarantine, and I haven’t been cleaning much, so. That being said, my most recent obsession is this youtube channel.

What are you reading?

Not much LOL. I’ve been re-reading the Inkheart trilogy by Cornelia Funke but I kinda stopped when the quarantine started and I had to dedicate a lot of time to studying. I have a book that my friend gave me for Christmas that’s titled The trauma and the soul (literal translation from the italian version, I have no idea what the original title was) by Donald Kalsched. I’m actually dying to read it, but I keep procrastinating because I feel like I’m Not Focused Enough and I wouldn’t appreciate it properly LOL. I have been reading a lot of fics though, especially Geraskier fics because I’ve watched The Witcher and I knew I would love those two, goddammit. 

What are you doing for self-care?

Honestly I am just going about my business as usual, with less going out LOL. Every now and then I allow myself to rearrange my studying schedule to take a ‘day off’, but I consider self care the relaxing time that’s generally included in my day, so. 

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...okay, I am not tagging anyone here because it’s stressing me out, I’m terrified(TM) of tagging someone who wants to think about anything but the quarantine. So like. if you want to do it, go ahead and tag me, I am curious to know how you all are doing. 

[coralstudiies]

*continued* or do i need to read everyday? I used to be the top scorer last yr n i kid u not i didn't even study that much. Is it cus i lost touch? I do believe in jinxing. But how do i keep a low profile and not let ppl know my grades? esp when we sign mark sheet etc. they will see my grade next to my name. ik its wrong to fully blame jinxing but this came out of nowhere and im starting to worry cus hmt is my best subj and it went from my best to becoming a disappointment. Idk what to do.

you do not need to read everyday. but you do need to make reading a habit. read things u like to build it up and rmb it quickly.

you may not have lost touch but rather the other students are working even harder now. so its time for u to put in effort too so that you can continue to excel. success doesnt come without hard work!

as for not letting ppl know ur grades i think u should just not ask ppl for their grades and dont answer them when they ask u. just be direct and say "i dont want to tell you" altho this will get you quite a few dirty stares from the ppl who enjoy comparing marks but no choice lol. The mark sheet thing is hard to avoid plus ppl dont rly have time to linger and see ur marks la. i think this is your pride getting in the way and trust me thats completely normal behavior. humans like all animals try to hide their weaknesses. so nothing wrong w this but dont let it get to you.

i alr told u all i can about the jinxing thing but if its driving you nuts i'd say please speak to ur parents. and dont worry about your hmt for now because i think your mental health and your stress over this jinxing is way more important. language is weird lol sometimes the harder u try the lower u score so its time to step back, take a breather, then dive back in

aight anon, all the best!! sending u all the love, courage and strength u need to get thru this <3