#im working on myself alongside it. so i feel like the results should be better

[poorlittlevampire]

also bad news i think the new med is making my anxiety worse. and it sucks bc it is definitely helping with everything else. but i also think maybe the first med is just finally starting to work? bc i was reading people’s experiences with it and how long it took to really start working is how long its been for me (on the higher dose) and i hope thats the case bc i do not like the new one at all

[catmask]

Been meaning to catch more of your streams because they're so fun and relaxing and inspire me to do art alongside you! but I have a question?? How on earth have you managed to keep a streaming schedule? (kudos!!!!) I've tried it a few times and after about a month of consistency I get so tired and drop off of it, do you get guilt about rescheduling? (saw some announcement from the other day and it was so communicative and professional) and, how do you measure your own levels of energy to know how long you can stream for? Some people are just Built Different but I don't hear it often talked about how being social like that can drain people, especially when popular streamers in this era are usually streaming all day every single day of the week! Honestly love your work and everything you do, from what you share we seem to have a lot of similar tastes and experiences so I was just curious if this was something you encountered, and if so would love to hear any routines or strategies you have, if you're comfortable doing so! :3

for one thing, this isnt my first time around the bend! i used to stream about four years ago to a much smaller audience, and i feel like that gave me a lot of experience that was useful now as a streamer. i was also still in college/working full time then, so it sort of gave me the like... 'if i stop now im going to sink and die like a shark' mentality about a LOT of my hobbies. art and streaming both.

i do fully understand the feeling of burnout, and with anything you do its important to develop a gage as to how tired you are to determine whether or not you need to reschedule. killling your momentum of doing something can often result in dropping the habit altogether, but at the same time you are a human being with needs so theres gonna be some days you have to just call it off.

my internal 'system' for sickdays/delays is 'if i cant fix the problem in an hour, its a sick day, and if i can its a delay. if i can fix the problem in ten minutes and im avoiding it, then i need to remember im gonna have a lot of fun after its fixed and get up off my ass'

sometimes that 'problem' was as simple as 'i got yelled at at work today and idk if i can handle being smiley and funny for people when i feel like shit', but reminding myself that i always felt better after i streamed was often enough to pull me out of that. if the problem was i was tired/felt like shit, id take a delay and prepare a dinner, shower, and sit down for a bit. then id generally feel okay enough and streaming was no problem!

its easy to beat yourself up for not maintaining a consistent schedule fr streaming when you start out, but the thing you should really be asking yourself is - did you take care of yourself, the streamer, so that consistency was possible? good food, good sleep, and alone time to relax are imperative to any public facing activity, especially something like streaming!

[wilsons-hotlittleprettyboymouth]

hey, i'm sorry, this is a pretty deep question, so please don't feel pressured to answer if you're not comfortable.

i'm a disabled teen with really bad internalized ableism and depression because i'll likely never be able to move out or get a job. i know everyone's experiences are different, but i just had to ask someone's experience: have you found it easier to accept your circumstances in adulthood? or is mourning what could have been just something disabled people learn to live alongside?

This might be hard to understand with the amount of life experience you have so far (because it truly just takes a lot of time and gradual growth of confidence etc to develop it, and that’s normal) but the answer is actually both! Like im not gonna bullshit you just for the sake of encouragement, you’re going to be aware of the way you don’t fit in with the supposed standard human experience for a long time, maybe forever. But you’re also gonna find that there are plenty of ways to exist outside of that “normal” experience that are perfectly fine and capable of happiness.

What tv and movies depict as “normal” life almost never actually exists. If you measure yourself by that, you’ll be miserable forever. And that’s something you see more as you grow into adulthood, which is why it gets easier to accept. The truth is, most people are miserable stacked up to what we’re told is normal. I’m not saying everyone suffers as much as the more intensely disabled do, but you NEED to know that even people who seem to have it all together usually experience: 1) seeming to others like they have it all but feeling like there’s something missing because this can’t possibly be it 2) having gaps in their mental growth and maturity because maintaining an image of a normal life has left them refusing to acknowledge anything wrong that needs therapy etc to fix 3) severe social pressure to have this perfect normal life that results in a subconscious obsession with staying fitting in, blinding the person to escaping the social cult of “good, normal people act like x and care about y and put down z”.

Like, once you realize how fucking freeing it is to not fit into this idea of normal life, you’ll realize you’re capable of so much better than that. You’ll gradually internalize that earning a normal income isn’t that great and that most people are entirely miserable doing it, and that it doesn’t define your worth. And, I am so serious, you do not have a simply nonexistent chance of moving out and having a life. The key here is to find other disabled people!! There are tons of us who’ve managed to move out in unconventional circumstances, either with the help of each other or the help of accommodations. Or both! You can join support groups on Facebook, for an excellent starter. And there are actually some decent ways to still earn money depending on your specific situation.

I went through this exact issue myself for so many years, but it turns out convincing myself I was capable of nothing, no life at all, just because I was disabled and mentally ill did myself an enormous disservice. Just because my version of a happy life didn’t look like theirs didn’t mean it couldn’t be real.

The daunting thing here is that, yeah, this is gonna take work. And since it’s work different from the life expected of you, it’s not laid out for you to follow easily (i.e. college -> job -> marriage -> house -> kids) so you’ll have to figure out the path yourself. But you have years and years to find your path, you don’t have to predetermine it all at once in order to have begun!

All in all, it’s perfectly normal and healthy to have a grieving period for the life you thought you’d have. But accepting that that life won’t exist is actually so helpful because then you can stop hating yourself for not being able to make it happen. It’s not your fault, that part’s not in your control and you should cut yourself some slack for that. But while grieving, the most important thing you can do is decide to try. To take care of yourself even when it feels pointless, because I absolutely promise it’s not. To learn how to cope with it, to put in the work, to ask for help but know your worth so that if someone won’t help you, you don’t feel like that’s your fault!! You deserve a good life too and there WILL be people who care to help make that happen. Don’t let a few ableists destroy your self worth.

Decide to care about yourself and care for yourself and, although tiring at times, the rest will fall into place. Practice makes the trying easier over time, until one day you realize you’re even more adjusted and taking care of yourself better than people who’ve been told they have nothing wrong with them. Pick up some hobbies while you’re young, sculpt and paint and find what scratches your brain for yourself first and foremost. And feel your happiness wherever it crops up, not just in what you think life should’ve been.

[rainbowsky]

Final round-up of fan fic asks

I've gotten a few more interesting responses to the fan fic discussion so I'm going to round them all up here. This will be my final post on the topic until/unless there's a dramatic new development, or a particularly notable response I want to highlight. Thanks to everyone who brought their thoughts and experiences to the topic. I hope everyone at least feels heard.

The biggest piece of advice that I would like to offer is for everyone to focus on what they love rather than what they hate. If we all did that, the world would be a better place. Alongside that, I'd like to remind everyone to please support authors whose work you like. It's so important. Give them a kudos, give them a nice comment, recommend their work to others. You never know what kind of grief and harassment they are dealing with to bring you these great stories, and our support means a lot.

This is in reference to previous posts here and here.

Anonymous asked:

With regard to fandom and fan fic issue, my years of experience being part of very large fandoms has led me to believe that big accounts are v important in facilitating and enforcing the general consensus of the whole fandom. Unless there will be big accs who'll remind everyone of being respectful & just not being a dick over other's preferences, nothing will change.

This is also the reason why I think certain solo fandoms have adapted weird and twisted narratives as their general fandom story because no big acc has tried to police them & and say hey pls be rational. Whether we like it or not, in a place where how far voices, ideas, tweets, posts get heard is based on the number of followers you have, big accs will have the power and influence in creating/curating/shifting the narratives.

So, if you want to know why your/our fandom thinks like this in general, look at what big accs are tweeting/posting, look at what ideas & values they follow, look at their preferences or how strongly they react to certain situations. it's taxing and toxic for big accs given the nature of social media these days, but it's also the reality of system, the more followers/audience you have, the more influence you will have.

So to anyone reading this I hope we all practice more restraint and reflection before we post anything. Remember that words, no matter what medium you write it in, will always carry weight.

So true. It is easy - even for myself who spends a fair chunk of time answering people's asks - to forget that people can sometimes be impressionable and what we say can influence people whether that's our intent or not. I get used to thinking of myself as a regular guy just doing my own thing when sometimes my thoughts and words go well beyond where I initially posted them.

I think it's important for us to be careful what we say, and it's equally important to be careful what we take from what other people say. Especially when it comes to big claims. Always get a second, third, fourth opinion and don't be afraid to ask for clarification if something doesn't sit right or sounds confusing.

It's also important to reflect on how our words and actions might affect other people's experience of fandom, and err on the side of 'live and let live' wherever possible. It's great to have our own preferences and to champion them, but we should try to do so in a way that leaves space for other people and perspectives.

The more unique perspectives and the more friendly, open dialog there is, the healthier the community will be as a whole.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging and guiding growth in the particular areas we are interested in, as long as it doesn't step on, oppress or attack those who are peacefully enjoying something different.

Anonymous 2 asked: bjyx fans attacking gdgdbaby for including zsww/lsfy dynamics in an event named bjyx then turning right around and attacking the zsww/lsfy event organizer for excluding bjyx? god, can you hear my facepalm and sigh of resignation and incredulity from over there? im genuinely not surprised that they're trying to drive an entire part of the fandom out by disgusting them (and me) with these immature tactics. i believe what im about to say next will sound quite bait-y and i respect your decision 1/?

should you choose not to post this. but i do know that it is not only me, in fact there are many out there, that is of this opinion. we just dont talk about it on twitter to avoid the potential mess it will bring lol. okay, here goes nothing. (do note that im talking about the majority here, not every single person is like this) so bjyx fans tend to be cishet females whereas zsww/lsfy fans are more diverse in terms of age and gender, and most of them are part of the queer community too 2/?

i would like to clarify that most of these zsww/lsfy fans are not dynamic exclusive (in the sense that they are friendly and interact with all ggdd fans) they just prefer to "identify" themselves as zsww/lsfy fans (on twitter specifically) just to form a distinction from bjyx fans who mostly are dynamic exclusive (as in; they do not consume non-bjyx content, and straightup refuse to interact with non-bjyx fans, often blocking them). as a result, id say that the zsww/lsfy communiy is way more 3/?

mature and respectful (after all, they're mostly queer people talking about a queer ship) whereas many problems in this fandom, such as the homophobia, adamantly insisting on "drawing lines" between dynamics, stem from the bjyx exclusive fans, comprised of cishet females who "may not know better". so, it is of no surprise to me that they're resorting to these immature tactics of calling gg unsavory names, and organizing retaliatory events with controversial topics in an attempt to "purify". 4/4

I trust that you have arrived at that theory through your own experience and observation. I haven't personally spent much time immersed in this stuff so I can't claim to have any real insight or expertise. If you say that's your experience of it, then at the very least that's how you've seen things up to this point.

I just want to say that I think we should always be careful about making assumptions about people's age, gender/gender identity, etc.

There are plenty of good reasons to avoid doing that; because those assumptions could be very wrong, because those assumptions are often laced with ageism, sexism, etc., because those assumptions - even when correct - might not be an accurate basis for the conclusions we draw.

But the primary reason I recommend avoiding those type of assumptions is because anything that enables us to clump a group of people together in our minds like that will tend to make them easier to demonize and dehumanize. They are no longer individuals who are each responsible for their own unique perspectives, they are now 'the X group' who is known for 'A B C series of easily attackable ideas or behaviors'.

If we attribute undesirable traits and behaviors to a group of people we feel opposed to in some way, that makes us feel more righteous and justified in behaving unfairly toward them, dismissing their humanity and warring with them. It's just risky behavior to engage in, even when it's well-intentioned.

There might actually be some truth to what you're saying. It could very well be that most of these people are young, inexperienced, heteronormative, etc. but if that's the case then we should try to use those traits to better understand and empathize rather than to better dismiss and discredit.

Just my two cents on that.

It can be really frustrating dealing with what feels like other people attacking us, trying to oppress us, etc. - especially when there are more of them than there are of us. In my experience the best solutions to that sort of problem are generally the ones that focus on what we are doing and want to do rather than what they are doing that we don't want them to do.

As I am always preaching, we can't control what other people say, do or think. The only thing we have any control over is what we say, do and think (and how we respond to what they say, do and think).

I have found in my experience that the moment I step out of a conflict mindset and instead step into a problem-solving mindset, everything starts to come together. I feel better, my outlook is more positive, I can begin to see solutions and allies rather than problems and enemies, and most of all, I become more focused on what I am doing than what others are doing.

So I would recommend everyone who is invested in resolving these conflicts focus on that. "How can we best showcase and encourage the types of stories we enjoy?" instead of "How can we stop these other people from doing things we dislike?"

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello again! It’s anon #3 from the fanfic post. I really do appreciate reading your thoughts on various issues like this, so thank you for always taking time to write in depth. As for supporting without going to war, the simplest way has always been to just show appreciation for the creators, hype them up. Kudos are the easiest way on ao3 but comments in addition are great. This goes for all content—art, fics, vids..etc. Creators love to see and read how people react to their content. Sharing is also great, fic recs are very helpful, just be cautious with art and reposting though. Hope this helps a bit!

Thanks so much, Anon. I think this is excellent advice. And it's true that appreciation is great, but helping to expand the audience is also great. Recommending stories, pointing people to the pages/websites of artists we like (as opposed to reposting), sharing our own ideas and approaches, encouraging people to try new things... all of this helps build healthier communities.

And here's another one: WRITE! DRAW! CREATE!

I urge anyone with creative interests or talents to bring their voices to the community because we all can benefit from hearing from you.

Thanks again everyone for sharing your thoughts on this issue. I hope that over time we can all work in positive ways to improve the situation.

I think this subject has been well-covered now so I'm going to retire it for the time being. If anyone still feels they want to discuss it further please feel free to message me privately. Thanks.

[pangtasias-atelier]

How about this: Felix has been eating cake very often, everyone has told him, he can't stop. He'll grow bigger and will realize that no matter how much he trains he cannot recover his figure, on the contrary everything gets worse. Someone will tell him it's out of control. Felix will refuse. Sudenly he feels is about to burst and BOOM. It was a dream. He had fallen asleep without finishing his cake. He will move it away in anger "Im NOT out of control" After a few minutes, he will eat it. Ty~ :3

This one got really long omg. And after shortening down the ideas I had for the other Blue Lions’ interactions lol

But! Another one I’m happy how it came out. Now I just wish I actually bettered myself and took like actual writing lessons but eh, focusing on other stuff right now.(Still wanna make sure I’m not fucking up and mixing tenses tho)

This was really fun to write, so I hope you enjoy!! Especially since you’ve made a bunch of good FE fats for us and thank you for that!~

___________________

Felix doesn't know how it started, maybe it was a spell, new ingredients, a better chef, but it was something. Anything. Anything but his own fault.

All of a sudden his innate disdain for cake was replaced with a wanton need for it. Everyday, he needed some of it to satisfy his insatiable cravings for it. 

And despite the signs all pointing to a clearly obvious problem, Felix was the only one who refused to see it. Even as a bit of pudge began to form on his thin body.

The first had been Annette. 

On a visit to House Fraldarius, the day had been spent in relative uneventfulness, the day consumed with talks about their territories. It was upon dinner that the mood had changed.

Unable to control her expression, the puzzlement displayed on her face on a visit to House Fraldarius is evident to Felix, his features tightening in a scowl.

"Just say whatever it is your thinking instead of keeping it to yourself like those mindless gossipers," Felix spits out, already scowling.

"I'm surprised to see you of all people eating cake, Felix," Annette smiles at him. 

Felix responds with a scowl, his grip tightening. His slice of cake sits nearly finished, Felix almost devouring it entirely if it hadn't been for Annette interrupting him.

"You always hated the stuff,"

"Well, opinions change," Unwilling to deal with any comments over his shameful new preference for the decadent sweets, Felix simply stands up and walks away with his plate in hand.

It takes a couple of hours when he's cooled down from the conversation for him to leave his room. Unfortunately, despite the cover of night, he encounters Annette in the training grounds.

Casting a simple wind spell, the rush of air still flows faster than it should, both of their clothes willowing in the rapid gusts. 

Felix catches the glint of metal against the wall, Crusher resting. Deciding to head back, Annette turns around, face neutral. Caught, Felix sighs, resulting with his hand on his hip.

"I overreacted, what else do you want me to say?"

"An apology would be a nice start," Closing her tome, Annette wipes the sweat off her forehead, her hair disheveled. Grabbing Crusher, Felix forces himself to not visibly react at the way she easily grabs it and carries it.

"Sure, I'm sorry for whatever I did," Felix grumbles. Crossing his arms on his chest and resting on the heels of his feet, Felix makes out the way Annette's eyes quickly drift down this time before they don't, Annette making sure to be less obvious. 

“Don’t let it get out of control,” Annette offers, smiling.

Felix doesn't ask her what else she wants to say this time, biting his tongue back and blushing.

The second had been Ingrid.

The embarrassment of Annette noticing his slight paunch apparently hadn't been enough shame for Felix, his constant devouring of cake only worsening.

The small bump for a stomach grew into a large swell, clothes needing an upsizing by his tailors. His flat, sightly defined chest filled out with small flabby bumps. Yet it was his lower half that grew larger in proportion. His thighs became swaddled with a generous portion of overlapping fat, his graceful movements now slower and clunkier. The rise of his ass was a reminder to his size, his sizeable asset jostling about with each hefty waddle. 

Annoyed with having a visitor so soon again, Ingrid's usual calm disposition was relatively easy to deal with. As long as he didn't raise his own temper, her's wouldn't rise either. 

Except Ingrid had no sense of calmness, immediately going to fretting over Felix.

Felix who had been so agile and active. Felix who hated cake. Felix who had been 

"You do know you have a problem, right?" Ingrid asks over dinner, her eyes on Felix's plate of food, the portion much larger than before. The clanking of his fork on his plate only prompts Ingrid to speak more. “Of course you don’t,” Ingrid sighs. “You’re too busy criticising others and their issues that you don’t even see your own,”

“I don’t have a problem,” Felix leans back into his chair before he feels the heft of his own body resting on him, Felix sitting upright once again. Yet even in that position he feels the way his stomach seeps onto his thighs. 

“Really Felix?” Ingrid frowns, pushing her hair to the side. 

“I can work it off,” Felix gives in, only partially.

“Then you would have already,” Ingrid fights back. “It’s getting out of control,”

Yet no matter how much further she goes, Felix refuses to admit his issue. And so by the time Ingrid’s entourage and ride arrives, she finds it far better to simply leave and free herself of Felix’s own stubbornness than to deal with even more back and forth arguments.

Nothing learned, Felix pays no heed to Ingrid’s words, cake far more important. Any kind he could get his greedy hands on would do. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry shortcake, cheesecake, lemon, regardless of the flavour, Felix felt the need to devour it all the same. 

His sense of time lessening, the only truly memorable moments was when he was stuffing himself with the delicious sweet contents of cake.

His waistline suffering for it, his own remarks of training off the extra abundant inches off his waist never came. Soon, walking became more difficult, chairs became too weak, doors too narrow, clothes too revealing. To Felix, everything else had an issue except himself. Even as he continued to grow fatter and fatter.

Most likely through Ingrid’s meddling, soon other former members of the Blue Lions came to check up on him. 

The third had been Mercedes. 

Her charitable nature and nice sensibility had led to her coddling him on her first day, Mercedes even baking a cake for Felix. That had apparently been a test, Felix failing it when he finished it in one sitting. Her kind coddling was only met with more detest on Felix’s end. 

Felix undeniably fat, his poorly fitting outfit was only more cause of concern on Mercedes’ end. Instead he had merely  thanked her for the cake before waddling away, his shelf of an ass wobbling behind him all the while.

The fourth and fifth had been Ashe and Dedue together.

The two specializing in cooking, Ashe’s own successful inn clearly showed on his short frame, Ashe containing a paunch. Dedue was the same as ever, his figure massively built and stacked.

Whereas Ashe was at most chubby, Felix was obese, his titanic rolls swaddling his body, his cheeks marring his own scowl and softening it. And instead of hedding both of their concerns, all Felix had were retorts to Ashe’s own size. 

The two didn’t remain long, Felix targeting both Ashe and Dedue for Ashe’s newfound weight alongside both no longer having the patience meant Felix had been free of their torment. 

Some dedication to his training grounds, and he’ll easily work off the extra weight is what Felix clings on to.

But those days never arrive, Felix happily gorging himself on cake and nothing but cake.

The sixth had been Dimitri.

Finally able to take the chance to get away from his own dealings as King of Fhirdiad, Dimitri instead had to deal with an annoyed Felix. Only a week after Ashe and Dedue’s visit, Felix had overall been the same out of shape angry person. 

Dimitri a passionate person, his scathing remarks had been the only ones to get Felix to shut up and listen. Pointing out Felix’s need for three chairs at the table, if he even bothered to walk instead of eating in his room, the way his body was inundated with rolls making even the simplest of tasks a chore for him to pull off, his increasing appetite that only would worsen with time. Dimitri had actually even made Felix use his training grounds for the first time since Felix could even see past his mountain, roll riddled gut. 

The pathetic speed Felix swung his sword only made Dimitri worry more, Felix struggling to even get a proper grip with his bingo wingo arms pressing against the side of his moobs. Felix’s complaints and asks for a break were ignored by Dimitri, forcing his friend to keep going. 

By the time Dimitri had left the next day, he left with hopes for Felix, Felix grumbling yet thankful for talking sense into him.

Except after a couple days, Felix’s own inability to control his appetite left him giving up, Felix merely reverting back to his gluttonous lazy self.

The seventh and last had been Sylvain.

Felix so far gone in his ravenous ways, the last vestiges of his own mobility was apparent. Sylvain had whistled upon sighting Felix, eyes wide open, unable to believe it himself. 

Where Dimitri embarrassed Felix to help him, Sylvain had done the opposite. Ridiculing Felix, Sylvain did it with the intention of putting him down. 

Grabbing Felix and forcing him to walk, Felix sweating and waddling by his side while he heaved and puffed all the while in between curses, Sylvain would tire him out only to leave him alone, Felix falling down to the floor with a resounding crash and staying there. Forcing him to sit on a single chair instead of the necessary four so he’d crush yet another piece of furniture. Pushing him into too narrow doorways only to leave him stuck inside, Felix too fat and wide to get through or push himself out. Barraging Felix’s entire body with powerful slaps to make his engorged body shake as if an earthquake had just occured.

Sylvain’s cruel methods had only reinforced the subconscious idea in Felix’s brain of why even bother. Unfortunately for Felix, Sylvain had stayed the longest, a month of disparaging remarks and acts endured by Felix. Sylvain had even left without a word, disappearing in the night.

Unwilling to act and far too fat to do so, Felix’s only companion was the increasing amounts of cake he devoured each day. The ability to one day quit and lose all of his weight always in the back of his mind, said day never came, Felix reaching immobility before he even had time to consider the possibility. Not that he ever would consider it, Felix too stubborn to think he’d let himself go this far. 

A feeding tube in his room, Felix hadn;t even remembered asking for such a thing, his mind in a constant haze of cake. Barely a couple hours after lunch, Felix was already on his fifth meal. Each lasting an hour, he only paused intermittently for a few minutes, his hunger quickly coming back. 

Bed completely covered in his own rolls, Felix can feel all his weight press down on him from lying on his back. Only able to stare at his tube and the ceiling, wiggling his fingers and toes are the only other things for him to do besides eating or sleeping. His ass encapsulating the bed and reaching the floor, Felix pays it no mind, focusing instead on guzzling the cake flavored whatever, Felix even uncaring about what it is he’s devouring. 

Reaching a full state, Felix mumbles past the tube, his incoherent words a jumble. Expecting the tube to turn off, it remains on, filling his stomach with a torrent of cake. Increasing his complaints, the only response is his feeding tube picking up in speed, Felix gurgling as he;s forced to devour it all. Chugging it, Felix feels himself expanding.

Stomach rising in the air and cascading all around like melted vanilla ice cream, his breasts flow and sink back down towards his face, his numerous neck rolls meeting them head on. His thighs become even more dimpled, the couch sized appendages forced even wider to accommodate the rapidly filling thighs as they grow larger and wider. His ass pushes him high in the air, Felix groaning as his large room becomes even more cramped, his now blob like body filling it.

His feeding continues, Felix groans, his eyes half lidded as he continues to guzzle. His stomach stiff, the stuffed state of it feels oddly relaxing, Felix giving in to the tube. Suckling it, Felix complains as his body finally reaches the edge of his room, fat reaching from corner to corner. Huffing,the cramped and compressed nature of it makes him complain. Body seemingly one large blob with no definition, joints seemingly improbable, the walls begin to crack and tumble as Felix grows ever fatter,his eyes even hard to keep open with so much fat clinging to his body. The floor even cracking underneath him, it takes no time for the whole area to explode, Felix’s body rushing out like a dam breaking.

Jolting up in his chair, Felix hisses as he hits his arm against his table. 

Alone in his room, Felix heaves as he checks himself. Nightclothes on, a simple pair of shorts and a shirt, the moon high in the sky notifies him of it being night. Grabbing his stomach, Felix grimaces as his hand wraps around a sliver of pudge. Sniffing, the aroma of strawberry assaults his nose. Turning to the table, Felix spots the remnants of a slice, a couple of forkfuls left. 

Sighing upon realizing it was all a dream despite the vividness, Felix leans back into his chair. Glaring at the cake, Felix stands up. Bones aching, he stretches, humming as they crack. The warm covers of his bed calling and reaching out to him, Felix takes a couple of steps. His stomach growling, the hunger calls and reaches out to im as well. Glancing at the bed, then the cake, and then finally his stomach, Felix frowns. Grabbing the plate, he swiftly devours the remains of the cake.

“I’m not out of control,” He grumbles to himself.

[ivy-kissobryos]

hi, im kinda new to witchcraft and i dont really know anything (prayers, rituals, beliefs, etc), plus there's a lot of contrasting info online so i don't know what i should go with. could you please briefly explain how you view witchcraft and what you do? i'm going around asking this to a lot of other blogs to get a general sense of things. thanks!

Before we begin I just wanna point out that when you say prayers and beliefs, I think of paganism. When I hear ritual and witchcraft, I think of magic.

Religion and magic is intertwined but you do not have to be pagan or wicca or whatever to be a witch, or vise versa. For me, a witch is someone who practices magic, whether it be simple things like jar spells or folk magic or traditional witchcraft or anything ceremonial or ritualistic (although some ceremonial magic practitioners prefer the term magician over witch, which is up to them). A diviner is someone who uses divination tools such as tarot or pendulums to seek knowledge (and again, you can be a diviner without ever touching witchcraft). Spirit work and hedge work is also another area for you to look into.

You can be a pagan - lighting incense, praying and making offerings - without being a witch either. Some say there is inherent magic in worship, but personally, if you just worship but don’t practice witchcraft (do spells etc) then you’re just a follower of a pagan religion. And there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, you can also be all that I mentioned above simultaneously too, but there is no hurry to quickly define yourself when you’re starting out. Changing the way you label yourself or your craft as you grow (or foregoing a label in the first place) is equally valid too.

More info on some beginner tips + my views on witchcraft below.

If you’re starting out some times I’d give are:

Learn how to protect yourself. Energy work and shielding techniques is how I started, or calling on Archangels if you believe in them. Once I was more comfortable I began learning how to use witch bottles to defend myself, how to banish (look up the LBRP) and more.

Read and read and read! Not on Tumblr but actual books (the legit ones, not the trendy money-milking ones) and historical sources. If there are contradicting sources, use your gut and your brain. Check for author bias and cross-check with other sources. Listen to your intuition yet use critical thinking and discernment too.

Record and test your divination and spells. See if a prediction comes true. Test if a spell manifest the desired result within the given time frame. If you do a wealth spell, then the spell’s success will be confirmed by increased wealth. Try altering your methods, and note if you become more successful or accurate and adapt accordingly.

Don’t be pressured to spend loads of money on your craft especially when you’re starting out. Of course, you may want to give fancy wine as an offering to your god, but if that isn’t feasible then a home cooked meal alongside traditional offerings such as bread would be alright too. Also with books, of course it is good to support occult publishers but try borrowing from libraries, find e-books and use your university account to borrow them, or find PDFs of them online.

Personally, it may not be suitable for complete beginners but I recommend books by Troy Books for witchcraft info. For learning Lenormand, the Complete Lenormand Oracle Handbook by Caitlin Matthews is the best. I know it’s 600+ pages but I swear it’s so good.

For me, witchcraft is about power. When you feel like there isn’t anywhere else to go, when your friends seem distant or unable to comprehend what you’re struggling with, when the law has failed you and corruption has won, witchcraft is a way to redirect your life and regain your sovereignty. Which is why I also believe in hexes and, in some context, curses (although I know it’s a can of worms to open and I’ll make posts on hexes and curses one day).

Divination is used to give you guidance and insight into something that may take you forever to figure out by yourself. It is also a way to communicate with the divine. What I am against though, is using divination to spy on others, as you’re essentially destroying other people’s rights to privacy. Claiming 100% accuracy is also an act of hubris, which is why I always say that my readings are reasonably accurate because in the end, free will triumphs over all and even the strings of fate has many threads.

If your relationship with a deity is rooted in transaction, then it can be said that you are working with them, not worshiping or devoting yourself to them. A devotional pagan relationship between oneself and one’s deity can be transactional too (eg: I worship Dionysus and he helps me with giving me opportunities to grow, along with giving guidance on my path) but what is more important is the devotion - the love and bond - you have with said deity.

Where the line between witchcraft and paganism blurs is when you involve deities in your spell or divination.

When I was young I used to dismiss the incantations that the monks in my country use. However, one day I went to a ceremony where almost a hundred monks gather and pray, casting their spells in unison, and even with my initial derisive views towards conventional Buddhism I felt something that day. Now, I realize when certain words have been spoken and imbued with power and continues to be recited with fervent faith for hundreds or thousands of years, power becomes inherent in those words. The same goes for rituals and spells.

This is why a beginner who had never managed to manifest anything properly can screw up when doing ceremonial witchcraft and end up bringing misfortune into their lives. Those ceremonies are meant to be performed that way, invoking those gods, for a reason. Best case scenario when you mess up is they don’t work. Worse case is they bite you back. Same goes for spirit work and especially so regarding demon work. I was curious about the Ars Goetia in the past, and I am immensely grateful that my naive, idiotic past self had enough brains not to attempt any summoning. If you want to prove to yourself that the magical world is real, there are better ways to do so.

Do I believe the gods are literally real? That Buddha walked his first step and a lotus flower bloomed under his feet? That Dionysus wrapped a ship in vines and turned the disbelieving pirates into dolphins? I don’t think so. But I have faith in my gods the same way one can be a Christian without believing that the Earth is 9000 years old. And I believe in magic because I have felt it and observed the evidence.

Maybe it was easier for me to believe because I grew up in an animistic and spiritual country, where things like divination and spirit work is ‘normal’ (although people do fear and respect the supernatural). Making offerings to household spirits is something my family does weekly. Hell, almost every family has a mini spirit house in their property that hosts the spirit of land guardians. Going to shrines and praying to our local version of ‘dryads’ and ‘tree ghost’ is common for if you want good luck or a bargain.

Messing with corpses is now outlawed, but witch doctors in my country have been known to make consecrated oil from the corpses of women. As recent as 2012, stillborn fetus had been used in ceremonies which turn them into household spirits to bring luck - if they are pleased and fond of you. Of course, magic of these types are against the law because the actions required to perform them are illegal, but the point is, it shows that magic is very real and still believed in where I come from.

If you’re coming from a western worldview where all of this is ‘weird’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘crazy’, it might feel difficult to trust in your supernatural senses, to have faith or to find your path. But if you keep practicing and refining your skills, you’ll find that magic is something that will always draws you back to it, that it is something you cannot live without.

[slutsofren]

Magical Mysteries

Summary:  Hogwarts, 1978: Ben Solo and you are the best of friends, his mother is the Minister for Magic which puts a large target on his back being the wizarding community's supposed Golden Child and the leading example for fellow witches and wizards. Being his only friend has also led you to be ostracised with him. His life has been threatened repeatedly and you stayed beside him. But, this story isn't just about him being targeted by others, it's also the tale of either your illustrious fall with him to the darker side of magic, or your own saving grace to leave him to his virtues.

Read it on AO3 here: Prologue: Trust

im so sorry for everybody who was waiting on me, things got a little crazy the past week or so at home and it put me off of writing and editing- im doing this by myself and just kind of needed a Break. i think i should be back on to weekly posting now <3

Six years had passed since you first walked into the Great Hall. Six years since you met Ben Organa-Solo. In all that time both you and Ben had changed so much physically. Where he grew much taller and broader over the years, developing into the strong young man you knew he was, you changed in ways that only accentuated your humbled attractiveness. 

You let your hair grow longer and longer each year, as did Ben when he could afford to, it was the 1970s afterall, by now your hair was long enough to reach your waist. A true accomplishment since you constantly fussed with it. Eventually it settled down a lot when Ben began braiding your hair from time to time. It was a comforting task for the two of you.

The best thing that changed for you both was your developments as magical people. Your strengths in herbology and potions were only rivaled by Ben. He was also well accomplished in potions as well due to a certain tutor you both shared, but he soared in charms and astronomy. Although your studies were close to perfection, everything else was not.

Your first year was as difficult you could have possibly imagined but you were forever grateful for having Ben with you. When you arrived with little to nothing but your full-blood Kneazle, something you’d deny your cat ever was, you felt overwhelmingly unprepared in comparison to the other students.

Ben had been gracious enough to help conceal your cat’s heritage and in doing so, coined his name, Anubis. You, in turn, named his great horned owl Athena. Both your companions took not only a liking to their new names but also to each other and would often be seen cozying about somewhere in the Slytherin common room. Ben never let you go without whenever he could, always bringing you whatever supplies you might have needed “just because”.

Since the two of you had begun your magical education, you minded to yourselves as best you could. It did prove to be rather difficult. Some of the elder Gryffindor students were almost always on your case because you had taken to defending another Slytherin boy. You and Ben caught a group of boys dangling him from his ankle, high in the sky using magic.

You disarmed the apparent leader, one James Potter. This led to a mild brawl between the group of bullies and you and Ben. Peter, the rat-faced boy ran away, the one named Sirius fought Ben and you fought James. Remus opted out of this small brawl and saw it as “unmanly” to hit you. You were sure to add a few well placed punches on James for that to prove a point.

When all was said and done, you ended up with a black eye and a few bruises. Ben, on the other hand, had fractured ribs, a broken nose, and a couple bite marks- he wasn’t happy about that. The boy in question was older by two years and his name was Severus Snape. He wasn’t fond of either of you at first but you bugged him enough to at least be tolerated by him. 

As a result of the fight, Dumbledore was advised to expel you both, the bullies included, but the Ministry sent an advisor to meet with the Headmaster and you two were able to walk away without consequences on behalf of the school outside a bloody red howler.

It was sent by Ben’s mother who was not impressed with your chivalry as well as Ben’s “ineptitude to be a leader and not a follower”. This soured his mood for quite some time seeing as the entire school knew about it by the end of the day. Although you both left this debacle with little to no consequences, the group of Gryffindor boys were sent on a week long detention in the Forbidden Forest and lost 50 house points- each.

Ever since then, the Gryffindor house all made it a point to target you two. It didn’t bother you for the first year or so, you felt a sense of pride knowing that you did the right thing. It only became more inconvenient when they began to mess with your studies. That only fueled your drive to do better, to be better.

Ben, on the other hand, wanted less to do with this type of attention, he felt it to be too bothersome and invasive, which it was. They’d begin rumors about him, his family. All this did was further alienate him from others as they began to whisper about his background. As for you they’d only temper with your schooling since nobody knew of your father’s “infamy” in Europe.

Your fellow Slytherins either ignored both of your existences or quite simply cared to not get involved with the rivalry. Surprisingly enough, the general house feeling was to attempt winning the house cup as many years in a row as possible, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw had been dominating that title for the past four years at the very least.

The boy you defended, Severus Snape, acknowledged you two well enough eventually, offering to help your studies in potions since you had kind of guilted him into the position of tutor. You managed to begin scoring high marks since Severus made it relatively easy as he lent you his copy of Advanced Potions Making every once in a while. This alongside your affinity for botanical witchcraft seemed perfect. Aside from being your tutors, he kept to himself, much like the team you developed with the Minister's son. Alas, he wouldn’t be caught dead being seen with either of you but you would meet, albeit secretly, in one of the abandoned girls' bathrooms for his lessons once a week.

Due to Severus’ teachings you began to take to making whatever precautions you felt would be needed eventually. Ben often found himself either hurt or in need of aid and you always seemed to have his needs prepared before he even opened his mouth. This sparked his new nickname for you, Starlight. The one who always knew how to light the way.

Eventually the rumors and overall whispers began to grow more and more irritable. By the time your fifth year had rolled around, you needed to help Ben find an escape. You couldn’t sit by and watch your best friend cave into himself, becoming more reserved around you as if you were the exact same people he did not trust.

It felt like forever and a half until you found the perfect thing. You called it “The Attic”. It was not but what seemed to be but a small abandoned classroom on one of the most southern towers at the school. There was a large window facing the front of the school, where you could see the bridge that welcomed students each year if they came from the carriages. The other window facing the west allowed you to see the sunset from the room perfectly every evening.

Ben became more and more curious the more you slipped out from the common room without saying anything to him. These antics had gone on for about two weeks before he confronted you.

“Where do you think you’re going,” he warily said your name. His hand gripped your upper arm when you tried to scoot around behind him without him noticing one evening. 

You felt anxious, staring at him like this, with your secret to hide, a surprise you couldn’t wait to show. “I can’t tell you yet but please,” you begged in a hushed whisper, “trust me.” Ben let go of your arm and nodded, watching you give a half smile and turn around, disappearing behind the common room doorway. He had half a mind to follow you but he stayed where he sat at the desk.

Not once in your entire friendship did he ever think about trust when it came to you. It felt like a foreign concept entirely. Being around you felt intoxicating, as if being next to you solved every problem he ever had.

Trust.

Yeah, he believes he trusts you.

He stayed put in that chair all night, even ignoring the Slytherin Head Boy calling everyone to bed for lights out. He stayed rooted in the chair, waiting for your return, clutching a letter in his hand that Athena, his wonderful owl, delivered earlier in the day. In the far corner of the room, he could hear the clock chiming, alerting him that it was now midnight.

Ben let out a heavy sigh and burned the letter, the contents lost in the flames. A problem for another day.

Deep in thought, the entry to the common room opened slowly, slipping past Ben’s attention. You walked closer behind him, watching him as he concentrated on the burning parchment.

You whispered his name and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Why are you still awake?”

He turned to look at you. His eyes filled with weariness and a hush of anger. “Where did you go?” He avoided your question.

You lowered your hood and flashed a big grin, excitement growing within the confines of your belly. “Let me show you tomorrow? I promise, you’ll really enjoy it.”

Ben searched your eyes and saw you were not going to hide your secret from him no longer and he conceded with a shallow nod. 

The very next day, you both left dinner in the Great Hall early and you led him by his hand, taking the right hallway then a left to a spiral staircase, then up the changing stairways, up up up and up, almost not stopping.

He was beginning to get annoyed, thinking you’d led him on some wild goose chase until you stopped dead in your tracks in front of a door, you spun around, excitement making your whole body feel like it was vibrating.

“Here, this is what I’ve been working on, it’s for you- for us to come to whenever we want,” you word vomited.

Ben looked at you with furrowed brows as you gestured to the handle, encouraging him to open the door. As he did, you clapped your hands together, hoping- praying he likes this place.

Inside was the abandoned classroom you had found when you went looking for the Slytherin Prefect one day, it was dusty and filled with magical creatures that began to make their home there but now, now it was filled with a brown couch, a small bed, a brown desk, some books, a record player and vinyl, a calligraphy set, and a plethora of other, much smaller details.

When you first began to rearrange this space for the two of you, you made a deal with some of the magical beings: you would never take away their home and made a deal to share the space, even making them all small nests throughout the room, one special one filled with a small family of bowtruckles. You earned their trust by offering them some woodlice and a never ending pile of it for them.

When Ben walked into the space, his eyes darted so fast around, trying to absorb each and every detail, every piece of you that you offered to share from the muggle world with him, and the bits of him that were around, decorations you had sought to placate some of his interests like the calligraphy set- something he mentioned was a minor hobby of his since childhood.

His heart swelled with emotions- so much you have given him and he felt he has done nothing in comparison, that you are the very sunshine that peaks through the leaves on a sunny day. Tears began to well in his eyes over this grand gesture of yours.

And so, you two spent every available free time in that room, The Attic. This place truly felt like a home away from home for you both.

Ben, one of the best spell masters you knew, casted an undetectable expansion charm on a pair of satchels so you could bring stuff from home to this space, but being careful not to bring anything much too large.

You wouldn’t tell him how you managed to sneak a whole couch and bed in there, there could be a few innocent secrets between you both.

He took another turn to look around the new room for you both, letting his large hand leave featherlight touches on the items you had decorated the room in, the muggle records being his favorite- so much he didn’t know about that world. Your world. The one outside everything magical, everything he was constantly surrounded by.

“Th- thank you, Starlight.”

“Anything for you,” you smiled. 

[demytasse]

[Shinra & Shizuo] Inebriated Idiocy

     The situation required contemplation of certain moral ramifications, as brief as that consideration might last.

On one hand, alcohol was said to be the window to someone’s truest thoughts; bring about their most genuine feelings and unconscious desires. On the other hand, Shinra was an intellectual that keenly understood the human psyche; he knew better than to believe societal nonsense. In actuality, alcohol only lowered someone’s inhibitions enough to vocalise thoughts exactly as they formed; this included, but wasn’t exclusive to situational opinions, primal reactions to anything remotely sexual, and sober observations that hadn’t been sussed out.

So honestly, Shizuo letting himself into Shinra’s apartment with an odd request might have coincidentally been his own influence, the other day asking for blood and marrow samples in jest, yet again. Which the tease seemed to continue its bumble ‘round his friend’s absent mind.

    Not having much going on up there must explain why it’s still relevant.

His drunken stupour was no different than a conclusion from a simple dream; what was sorted alongside other curious tidbits gained while conscious, and that scientific proposal hadn’t been determined trash or data just yet, despite it being the same ol’ same old.

That being said…

    “What other opportunity would I have short of drugging him myself?” Shinra hummed; gathered vials and tools, bounced through his preparation. “Morally speaking it checks out if I didn’t administer the drug. After all, he came to me pre-doped! Haha." 

He glanced over at Shizuo who somehow managed a cool guy pose upon the examination table, simultaneously a blathering mess — slurring incomprehensible words and half-baked thoughts. All to which seemed on par with what Shinra normally mocked, so it assured that no bad karma, nor bad blood would arise.

    ”…it was the least I could do,“ Shizuo concluded what had been internal dialogue.

    Shinra focused on his assembly, "hmm~? I didn’t catch what you did." 

    "Drink.”

    “Then that wasn’t the least you could do, right? That would’ve been not drinking, since doing nothing is the less than something active.”

    Shizuo looked annoyed. “Meant I didn’t drink randomly, asshole. I did it ‘cause…” he spaced, pinched his nose. “…ugh, there’s a reason. Just…whatever.”

    “That’s fine, Shizuo. Your oldest friend doesn’t need an excuse for your impromptu visit. Especially since you’re granting me the honour of—”

    “Tom!” A heavy hand slammed on the table.

Shinra jumped — juggled a device, caught it by the tubular tail before it hit the floor.

    “E-ehh?” his pulse refused to steady.

    “Tom’s birthday. We went for drinks. 'Parently Vorona’s a heavyweight.”

    Shinra laughed, kind of embarrassed for his friend. “I don’t think that’s actually the term you’re going for…" 

    "She cheated.”

    “How so?”

    “She’s Russian.”

    “You’re honestly the type to play into stereotypes, Shizuo?”

    He groaned, “she shoved vodka on me. 'Don’t handle it well.”

    Of course, it’s some oddball connection, nothing offensive.

    “And she knew that?”

    “No.”

    “So it was more that you couldn’t handle the defeat!”

    The drunk grunted. “Ya wanna die?”

    Shinra waved in mercy, “no no! Let’s just move on!!”

     Though the more Shizuo spouted trash fragments, the more difficult it was for Shinra to sway his conscience that this was alright, as maybe the blood alcohol level was higher than he’d anticipated.

Every step of drawing blood was a joke to Shizuo. He laughed while his sleeve was rolled up, mocked the concentration Shinra wore while he struggled to stick the needle in; knocked the doctor’s glasses askew like a young brat that thought himself a slapstick comedian. 

    Unamused, Shinra adjusted his frames with a latex-free wrist. “Please stop.” 

    “I kinda felt bad. Told ‘im thirty was just a number,” he disrupted the blood-pull with a messy gesture.

    “Shizuo, why are you so animated?!”

    “He said he was twenty-seven! Whoops.” 

    “Yeah, you’re an idiot, we get it,” Shinra paused between a third attempt.     “Probably, haha.”

It was then that he noticed how flush his patient was; how boyish his crinkled features were, and how Shizuo’s jovial nature was too foreign to be anything but drunkenness. Blurredly he watched the other above half-mast lenses, but a thought with prescription clarity hit him in result of the study — the vision of a perturbed Celty demanding that her held out PDA be read.

    //It’s taking advantage of Shizuo!//     //!!! N-n-not in that way, p-pervert!//

It wasn’t actually Celty’s textual wisdom, but his own beratement spoken through her beautiful voice, that of course he’d long ago created for her in place of having none to speak with. It was a flurried dissuasion he wouldn’t follow without her image affixed, whether in physical or mental form.

Thus Shinra was defeated by his own imagination. 

    “Come on,” he sighed, “I’ll set you up on the couch for the night." 

    “Oh…uh, sure.”

Shizuo stumbled off the table and stabilised when a hand supported his back to send him along the path to the living room. As Shinra motioned his follow, he spotted a rolled bandage that he’d previously readied. 

His decade awaited experiment may have been a bust, but he had an idea that might give him a chuckle the next morning.

—

    The recovering drunk studied a cross at the crook of his elbow. It screamed at his memory bank in vibrant fuchsia; with consternation Shizuo recognised the bandage as he recalled swaths of highschool peers wore them after donating blood; an annual fashion accessory that Shizuo never got to sport — only ever able to bling the trash cans with broken needles.

That indicated only one thing in the present: he’d been pin-pricked by an advantageous prick, and he was hardly impressed with how Shinra tagged him without any recollection.

    "Oh! You’re up earlier than I thought you’d be,” the devil spoke at the doorway, audaciously donned his goofy grin, with a coffee mug in hand.

    “Shinra…” he growled, “wanna explain this?”

    “I’m curious to hear what you think it means! I wouldn’t be shocked if you’re either right or wrong.”

The silence grew stronger, Shizuo’s annoyance grew palpable, and for a split moment Shinra mused over the spontaneous prank.

    Perhaps I got tipsy off the atmosphere last night and made my own drunken regret…

Which he externalised as a solo ‘eep!’, a wild scramble upon slippery slipper footing; an aerial trail of coffee in his wake. 

To the carpet’s relief, the liquid was suspended mere inches above it, encapsulated in shadow. With luck, Celty formed it within a second’s notice as she was hastily passed by two scuttling idiots.

    “I’m innocent! Innocent, I swear!”

    “Like hell ya are!”

Celty puffed out air too exhausted for the early hours. 

    At least it’s spilt coffee and not blood spill.

—

    It took a few laps around the apartment for the duo to wind up on opposite couches in a truce. Celty, their moderator, sat close at Shinra’s side to prevent a young death.

    “You see, Shizuo, as you claimed you were in full control of your faculties, so I kindly decided to fulfill your request.” Shinra rubbed at a wallop injury at his crown. “which seemed a fair assumption since you weren’t acting any less intelligible than usual." 

He was forced to squint while Celty futzed with the bent plastic and metal of his glasses. 

    “Lucky you, I’m perceptive enough to notice little details which proved that you were, in fact, inebriated. I stopped before I collected any samples.”

Whether or not Shizuo’s grunt was an invitation for the rest of the schpeel, or if it was an indignant ‘fuck off’ made no difference.     “Feel free to leave a tip for my better judgement. I know it’s not customary for doctor visits, but I’m never too humble to decline monetary praise.”

A shadow placed glasses back on his nose, but he immediately let them slip back down when a glare across the table was in clear view. The hangover effect must of have worked mental lapses between Shizuo’s comprehension of insults, thus he remained in a slump with exhausted shadows below his cold eyes.

    "Yanno, that better be the treatment you give Celty, or so help me…”

    “A-ah, she can’t get inebriated in the first place, or drink for that matter—”

    “So you’d take advantage of her if she could??”

    “No, no! Never! If anything I want her to reveal her own desires to have me sweep her into fits of romance…” he darted his eyes from Shizuo’s disgust.

    ”…buuut I better let that topic be laid to rest.“

—

    "Honestly…I almost wish he’d just done it.”

    //Really?//

    Shizuo nodded in between takes of smoke, “maybe it’s about time I figure out what makes me…me. You know, so I can control myself better…or something.”

    //That’s a noble thing to do, Shizuo…//

He shook his head, wasted half of his cigarette when he extinguished it on the deck railing before he brushed ash into his hand.

    //Maybe do it when you’re sober, though. That way you can feel good about the decision to better yourself and not have it be a drunken decision you accept.//

    “You know,” he smiled, “I like that.”

It wasn’t odd that he agreed with Celty, it was that he wanted his abnormality to be experimented on by his dysfunctional friend; that he was finally ready to face the facts and learn how to work with his condition. Despite that realisation, it was best to ask Shinra with sobriety.

    “Might make him pony up the cash for my blood, though. It’s a hot commodity, right?”

Celty chuckled with a bob of her shoulders.

—

    “And that’s why I always trust my doctor’s instincts over Shizuo. In this case, causality didn’t result in my casualty and I can rest in peace standing six-feet above ground and not under it! Hmm…I should pay respects at the nearest shrine for good measure.

    “At anyrate, I’ll take advantage of the opportunity to showcase Celty’s handiwork of my repaired glasses, a token of her dedication and love for all to appreciate! Even if they’re imperfect, they’re perfect to me. So let’s think of this as a public service announcement, kids: don’t drink and make hasty decisions!”

—

AN: Shinra breaking the fourth wall is one of my favourite things; it’s delightful. (O´▽`o)~♡

Based on one of the headcanons I wrote for Shizuo in a character meme, except it’s a little goofier than when I wrote the HC. Probably because I made it primarily from Shinra’s perspective. \(=~=)/ Thank you, @monopsys for the inspiration to actually write this!

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #5: “sushi + running isn’t the best combo.” - Mo

Sad to Linus quit honestly. Hope he’s alright but yeah that sucks.

So Linus just quit. It’s unfortunate and slightly annoying that we had another’s person quit. Especially since we had players like Jose and Jaylen who actually wanted to play. But then again I’m just trying to get the crown so I can’t really complain when someone else falls. Final 14 so I’m expecting merge to happen in the next 4 tribals.

Alright so hey I'm a bit late but since we last left off we were heading to tribal, at that point I was actually thinking Jose likely had an idol since you know.. throwing two random names 30 minutes before tribal when you know you can't get the numbers is a very idol-ish thing to do. So me and Tobi decided to vote Mo just in case an idol was played and both of them voted together. But actually at the end of the day Jose voted Mo and Mo well he didn't show up LMAO, which was actually bad because then his self vote would make it a 4-4 tie and while I think voting jose out after that would've been achieavable I would rather not give him the chance to fight. Luckily Mo showed up and voted him so that was it and he prob didn't see it coming but hey the lad was took it well so kudos to him.

So right after that the hosts pulled a sneaky on us and the live challenge was actually a swap (bragging rights I predicted it yay...look at me predicting a swap at f15 I'm so smart....)

And for once luck was on my side since I'm still on mercia alongside Felix David and Mo. With Wes joining us from the other tribe. Now I did vote Mo but maybe he doesn't think it was me? I mean tbf after he didn't show up at tribal I scream_messaged him to vote for Jose so who knows. But either way we have the inmense unit of David with us and Wes who I barely know from another org I'm playing at the same time so there's that

And then ofc Felix the crazy german god bless his soul he saved us this week from going to tribal <3

And as I write this Linus has quit the game so I guess that's 2 out of 2 for wins that I really didn't get to enjoy but oh well. At least this gives Michael and Dani a chance over at that tribe now that it is 2-2. As for Tobi well he carried his own new tribe in that challenge so hopefully he can overcome that 4-1 disadvantage in case they go to tribal.

So puzzle challenge, okay let’s get on it. Wanna win it cause my og tribe are such an unknown. I want to work with tobi. But he will do what he needs to do to stay in. So my paranoid ass is conviced that my og tribe ain’t talking to me cause they want me out. Idk I’m being stupid but ahhh.

Here i am, losing the challenge, feeling a little sorry for myself because i'm like ok it's me i'm going. Then BOOM Linus quits and as much as i wanna be like oh buddy no you should stay it might get more fun i also wanna be like lol bye bye because now instead of getting voted out 3-2 me and Dani can now tie the vote should we go back to tribal which is obviously better than nothing. I'm bad at puzzles but im just gonna try my absolute hardest because i refuse to be Denise Stapley and go to every tribal council.

uhm so the immunity challenge is puzzles... great loll im legit so trash at puzzles and if we lose again ik it's gonna be bc of me ): i'm gonna try my best and not flop but i cant even enter the puzzles so idk whats gunna happen

Somehow I obtained 2 idol clues by sheer luck and honestly it's what I deserve in this game. I'm still debating if I even want an idol so I shared my clues with Jones because I wouldn't mind if she had an idol. But anyways there have been 2 quits which sucks but the only benefit is that now I at least will get 14th in this game.

lol we’re gunna lose again. but i aint going home america.. know that!

So I’m nervous my time might cost us the challenge but do you know what I’m not nervous about.... going home bc I have Dani loyal to me and me to her and also mr Scott and myself have established a f2 alliance named “crumpets and bagpipes” (name subject to change) so yeah hopefully I’m going nowhere hehe

SO IDK HOW I DO IT but people just kind of give me clues and answers to their idol puzzles. SURE I asked Scooty how he was doing for his results, but I never even asked Madison about her clues and she's just kind of,,,,giving them to me? and I love it <3 <3 <3 WELL ACTUALLY I TAKE IT BACK. I LOVED IT UNTIL I FOUND OUT THE FUCKING IDOL WAS TAKEN ALREADY. I was searching the playroom today and WHAT DO YOU KNOW "there was something there but it was taken" and I want to actually PERISH LIKE HOLY FUCK I WAS ACTUALLY!! SOOOOOOO CLOSE!!1!11 but yeah hopefully Linus didn't have it and quit with it I'll actually beat his entire ass

So like... after my amazing comeback last immunity challenge,, WHICH BY THE WAY FUCKIN WAS FOR NOTHING BECAUSE LINUS QUIT LIKE WHY DIDNT HE QUIT BEFORE THE DAMN CHALLENGE AND NOW I OUTED MYSELF AS A CHALLENGE THREAT... stupid..,, we flopped in this one like... madison and jones flopped hard kdjhflksdjfhs like did they even try.. now im in a peculiar situation.. the great thing is that rhys and ryan actually asked me to be a part of a three man alliance (im obv at the bottom) and like im definitely using this to my advantage and hopefully get out of this tribal!! im expecting at least one vote from madison which is natural but like im gonna fight tooth and nail to get out of this!! idc who i have to throw utb to get by but i'll do whatever it takes

HELL YEAH TO MERCIA FOR WINNING ANOTHER IMMUNITY. It feels so good to have come clutch again, especially after a scare from Mo, who didn't do the right puzzle. -.- ugh that pissed me off so much, especially with so little time left to do it. But Ahrre and I DESTROYED everyone else who did the hard puzzle so I can't complain.

Also, a new development. Ahrre and Felix seem to trust me SO much that they wanna share their idol guesses with me, which is fine with me considering I trust them the most on this new tribe. I feel it, omg I feel like I'm SO close to getting that idol and if I find it, it puts me in a huge power position. So I need to find it before these guys.

This was probably the most stressful round for me. So let’s go through the series of unfortunate events

1. I misread the post and I was doing the easy puzzle the entire time when I thought I was doing the hard puzzle. I took a picture on my phone with my score and my name in the search bar.

2. I hangout with my friend, we go get sushi and I buy some macaroons and then we chill in a Starbucks while we play Pokemon Go.

3. I submit my photo at 5:45 PM 15 minutes before the dead line only to get told that not only would the photo not of counted because I didn’t have the date and time in the photo. But I was also doing the wrong puzzle.

4. My scrawny out of shape ass sprints home and it was the kind of thing where like I was coughing because I ran too much.

5. Now I have to do the more difficult puzzle in 20 minutes. I didn’t get the chance to practice before hand, I feel like shit, I’m still coughing and I think I’m going to puke because sushi + running isn’t the best combo.

6. I don’t submit on time, and not only that I don’t abstain on time either. So I get a strike. The amount of fucking despair and sadness I felt as I was rushing through the puzzle only to realize I was too late even after getting granted an extension. It was so awful.

Well, sad linus left but the good news is we won immunity by three minutes! Michaels time was a MESS because we could’ve gotten first if he did better but that’s alright we got second so that’s good. I like my remaining tribe mates so I hope things stay good ❤️

Aye so we've won another challenge after the swap yay! it's almost as if my shitty luck was detrimental during luck based challenges. wh would've thought...

Now we won even though Mo didn't submit and his time was more than the rest of the tribe combined lol but it's ok cause we won anyways, albeit David got a bit pissy about it and Mo told me about it but eh hopefully it's nothing.

Talking about david I decided not to sit around all day even if we're not going to tribal. Since I'm lucky to stay in the same camp I was before the swap I might as well try and find that damn idol if it hasn't been found already. So I decided to coordinate idol guesses with him and Felix which payed out because when we won the reward today he shared it with me (or at least a part of it unless he's lying) and he made a chat with me and felix so I guess now we're in an alliance, so there's that.

As for the other tribes well I hope Tobi can pull something out of the bag and not die this week, maybe he can get madison who has been pretty lackluster at challenges but either way I'm not gonna be holding my breath.

so today Rhys n I made an alliance with Tobi so that's a thing... and then later in the day we ended up losing immunity -___- which is ass because someone literally striked and got 45mins for a puzzle we still lost jalfkdjf like wig ok! I hope this alliance sticks but idk i gotta see what the waters feel like tomorrow... thank rihanna i have an idol it makes me feel like i have some security in this game hehe

Do you hear that? The birds are singing, the sky is blue and the sun is bright because YA BOI FINALLY WON IMMUNITY. Ugh I love winning immunity I’d scream if I had to go back there it’s ugly

Okay. So here is the tea. We lost.

I have an alliance between me Ryan and tobi. So fingers crossed that’s all good, and Madisin should be an easy boot.

However, I feel uneasy as when I woke up I had no messages from anyone on my tribe about tribal. Which is scary as I thought people would’ve been trying to push for w certain person making sure it wasn’t them. Apparently not, or maybe it’s me?. I know I’m a paranoid mess but I’m like 40% worried.

Okay this is post swap and this is a kind of sort of bad, I was swapped into a tribe were I believe I am only member of my og tribe, but we seem compontent at challenges (at least the rest of them do). Plus one person (Ahrre) I kind of sorta know so hopefully I can make something work and get past this.

Lewis quitting sucked since I actually knew him from an alias game a long time ago.

Let me know if you need a longer confessional.

hmm Madison is definitely the obvious choice to vote out from Sweyn rn... she's exuded the bare minimum of activity and i dont think we've had a genuine conversation in pm's or at all thus far; plus she did the worst in the challenge. I know from Scott that Jones got close with Madison on og Sweyn so that is something on my mind, but I think she would be ok letting her go ultimately; not too sure but I'm talking to her now so we'll see. If our tribe loses again it's gonna be ugly because i would hate to vote Jones out, she's a queen

Hey guys, its me... Hannah Baker. We had a tribe swap last round and I was shook at it being 3-2 with me being in a minority technically if we’re talking number wise. But, Scott said something interesting to me, saying that he thinks its funny that I would go home over Michael which is kind of reassuring. We lost the challenge and Linus decided to quit and I was like ok mood??? We won the challenge after thank god and I won’t be going to yet another fucking tribal. I really like Michael and Scott and I think if we were to lose again, we could vote out Malik. I’m hoping I can make the merge here but I guess we’ll see. Xoxo

god.. pls vote out madison u fucking fucks LMAOAOAOAOOA. liek im good terms with everyone on that tribe so its rly ugly that theyre going to tribal.. but uhm. hopefully its madison that goes bc i dont want to talk to her or wes at merge loll

like i can be social. dont get me wrong.. but like i cant do it with awkward unsocial people.. communication is a two way street after all

Madison is voted out 4-1.

[fatecaster]

The Best Angel Decks You Will Love Using - Reblog

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The Best Angel Decks You Will Love Using

The art of reading fortunes, predicting chances and altering fate takes many forms. Tarot cards combine artistic visions of mystic forces with spiritual messages for guidance. Angel Tarot decks bring new focus elements into readings and are as popular for their beauty as they are for being effective spiritual tools.

So here are the best angel decks you'll love using.

Angels And Tarot - Their Mystery And History

Since the 18th century, what is now known as the tarot major or minor arcana were used as playing cards as well as spiritual tools to manifest the future. Throughout history, their interpretations have evolved to provide a wide range of personal reflection. While many styles of oracle decks simply rework traditional tarot imagery through a new artist’s vision, Angel decks focus more on epic figures from biblical, historical, and mythical legends. The inspiration for these decks can come from many different spiritual traditions as there are angelic stories represented in many faiths. As messengers for God, angels are believed to impart wisdom, comfort, hope and healing from the heavenly realm. Even if you’re using the cards for mindfulness practices instead of spiritual connection, these concepts help you guide your intentions towards the same positive outcomes.

Most decks that follow traditional tarot spreads will have a total of 78 cards. This combined number includes 56 suit cards and 22 cards often referred to as the major arcana. An Angel deck uses for different divination purposes might have a different number of cards. All decks included in this review have a guidebook that explains the purpose and meaning behind each card. As with the art and message of oracle decks, the spreads used to read the cards take on many traditional or new arrangements.

If You’re New To Reading Tarot Cards

If your interest in reading tarot cards is new, it can be hard to understand all the different paths to interpreting their uses. ( This video could be a good guide, though). Ultimately, what matters most is what you feel and what you think when you’re focusing on the vision of each card and discerning the meaning behind the messages they represent. Tarot cards are tools for introspection in order to read into future effects, so their meaning will be subtly different for every reader and every situation.

Angel tarots appeal to so many newcomers to reading tarot cards because the figures are familiar, which brings comfort to the visions of beauty and hope that they manifest. In order for us to feel inspired and gain insight, we have to trust the tools we’re using and the guidance we’re given. Identifying your preferences is the first step in learning how to read tarot cards. Intuition means listening to your own thoughts and learning from your own experiences first and using that to help influence your future opportunities. It can be daunting to face a deck of oracle cards and expect yourself to know the meaning of each one or the impact of how you lay them out each session. This is why almost every pack will include a guidebook written specifically for that deck, especially if the arrangement of oracle cards differ from traditional uses. If you’re only reading tarot cards for personal use, it’s even more important to pick a deck that speaks to your tastes.

Knowing Which Deck Works Best For You

As a divination tool, tarot readings work best when the reader feels a deep and personal connection with their cards. This is why I chose to look for angelic, historical themes for my newest deck. I can create a better vision of the future when I’m using artwork and messages that fit my preferences best, which increases my interest and mindfulness during the reading. When you’re drawn to ​study divination cards and appreciate each kind individually, your understanding of their purpose deepens.

When I first began my journey with tarot, I didn’t expect to sense immediate results from focusing on a new technique for spiritual expression. Even though I thought of myself as a spiritually-minded person, I had a hard time connecting with the concepts related to the cards. The importance of being able to meditate on my concerns and find my way to the right answers with tarot’s guidance meant I had to find a tarot deck that suited my tastes and personal spiritual path.

Even though your priorities and purposes for using Angel tarot might be different from mine, I have picked five decks that I think are the best options to explore when you’re thinking of purchasing a new deck. I have my favorites after taking my time to consider the benefits and differences of each one, but you’ll see the unique details of each deck in the guideline below.

#1 - Angel Tarot Cards by Doreen Virtue

This is one of the most well-known decks of Angel cards in the tarot realm, and many readers are drawn to it for the ethereal beauty of the richly detailed artwork as they are for the positive messages of blessings for each card. This deck remakes the tarot’s traditional arcana as archangels. The deck also renames the suits by the elements associated with each one.

Pros

The elegant artwork includes many mystical or mythical creatures, such as angels and fairies and unicorns.

Color-coded borders for each section of the deck make learning the card meanings easier.

Simplified versions of traditional meanings focus on uplifting and encouraging the reader.

Supplemental books are available to purchase separately to enhance readings.

Cons

This deck might not satisfy those interested in learning very traditional tarot techniques.

The shorter and wider rectangular shape of the cards can be difficult for some people to get used to shuffling.

Only the major arcana use angels; the rest of the suits use other mythical elements for representation.

There are no explanations for meanings if cards are dealt inverted during a spread for reading.

#2 - Angelarium: Oracle of Emanations

 Representing the Kabbalistic manifestation of angelic creatures , this tarot card delves into a history of heavenly elements long held as mysterious. As more people become aware of the complex lore of angelic presence in this ancient Hebraic faith, more work revealing their visions comes to light. With 33 oracle cards and a small book explaining what each card represents, the Angel deck offers an uncommon experience for any readers of tarot cards.

Pros

The artwork has a dark and otherworldly quality, which makes each piece look like an oil painting.

With a history based on Kabbalah texts, the cards offer a unique elements for focus work and historical reference.

Sturdy cardstock makes shuffling easier and surviving travel and storage better.

The card booklet is in five languages: English, French, Spanish, German and Italian.

Cons 

Readers should be aware of or interested in learning about Kabbalah to understand card meanings beyond what the booklet provides.

The booklet has only brief suggestions for interpreting the card, something new tarot learners may find frustrating.

These cards may not be suitable to use for some traditional tarot spreads.

Angel Prayers Oracle Cards

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Praised as a powerful tool for spiritualists who want to use angelic principles as their main focal points, this deck combines modern art with ancient symbols of faith. Prayers on each card encourage readers with affirmations and points of wisdom or grace. This tarot collection uses imagery of angels, archangels, and also the Divine Father and Mother presence in its 44-card deck.

Pros 

The modern design has a refreshing take on the purpose of oracle cards, which is to give readers visual focal points that interest them.

There is a smartphone app available for use alongside the deck.

The book included with the cards describes how to use them as well as what each card means specifically.

Each card’s message reinforces loving, positive perspectives.

Cons

Both in number of cards and the style of divination used, traditional tarot readers would need to spend time learning a new technique and card spreads.

Some card enthusiasts may not prefer modern art as tarot’s historical roots are often depicted with more authentic imagery.

Certain decks have had issues with the painted border or cardstock quality.

#3 - Guardian Angel Tarot Cards

Made as a deck for beginners interested in tarot but wary of the sometimes troublesome concepts found in historical decks, this Angel Tarot deck uses iconic and elegant imagery to ease card readers of all experience levels through their visionary sessions. Prayerful comments and quotes complete the deck’s purpose, which is to focus readers on positive outcomes and points of view.

Pros

Even though the deck uses different symbolism, it keeps to the traditional number of 78 cards for a tarot deck.

Thorough guidebook that includes full interpretations and ideas for card spreads and uses.

A classical style in the artwork evokes a Victorian and cherubic era of paintings and images.

Cons

Some images or messages can seem repetitive in their uses for readings.

The cards are half image and half text, which is something card readers may not prefer if they want to read with free-form interpretation.

No smartphone app or digital version of the guidebook is available with purchase.

#3 - Angels Of Atlantis Oracle

Based on the popular legends and stories of the ancient Atlantis realm, this Angel deck crafts guidance through images and words of blessing, healing, and virtue. Each card has only one word for its message, allowing free-form intuition to guide readers through their focusing sessions. Modern and simple images are made effective through quality work and printing meant to draw the eye’s attention.

Pros

A glossy and thick cardstock means the deck is strong enough for storage and travel, and the images will retain their quality longer.

The esoteric imagery used in this deck is a unique depiction of angels and their divination principles.

The supplemental booklet educates the reader thoroughly on how their intuition might interpret each card.

Cons

The setup is very different from many other oracle cards, which can daunt beginners to reading tarot spreads.

The deck has a smaller number of cards than most and many readers prefer a large number of cards to increase random selection.

With such a specific focus on the legends of Atlantis, some readers may not be familiar with the history the cards are based on.

Conclusion

Out of all five, I found the Angelarium: Oracle of Emanation to be the Angel Tarot deck that resonates most with me. The history of Hebraic mysticism and the rich detail in each card’s artwork draws my attention, again and again, to focus on the future and what I can divine will happen through my choices. If you’re searching for an Angel card deck that stimulates your curiosity and reinvents ancient concepts, then this is the deck that satisfies both needs. Though it does depart from traditional tarot setups and concepts, I think it’s a powerful deck to have in your collection.

No matter what your path to divination and spiritual enlightenment may be, tarot decks are tools meant for focusing on introspection and what the future holds for you that you want to make real. People who come from many different faith-based backgrounds look to Angel oracles and tarot readings for guidance and empowerment. Choosing a deck that inspires your insight the most will always be the deck that works best for your personal or professional readings.

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[livlochmuller]

Evaluation

14/05/17

- Evaluating and reflecting upon my thoughts and the design processes of both projects.

When this brief was launched, I was most excited for this because its a field that I’m most interested in. Choosing a talk admittedly was a long process at first, as I took notes though each talk, picking out bits that I found interesting and now I could incorporating a visual concept. After sometime, I selected the building TED talk because I felt that I could create some nice imagery for my editorial spreads. After noting down ideas for some visuals, I was drawn to the idea of a buildings perspective as well as thinking about the brutalist architectural movement, which was the theoretical side to my research. My visualisation research consisted of artists and designers as well as architects that utilise this idea of a simplistic architectural style which would then help influence the photos I would be taking in order to create my line drawings from. I was inspired to approach the brief this way because I thought that by incorporating simplistic imagery wouldn't distract so much from the typography going alongside, thus making it a balanced set of spreads. By using a line drawing meant that the architectural structure would show through effectively. In terms of layout ideas, my research consisted of mostly magazine examples containing a monochromatic approach as well as spreads that incorporated architectural imagery. Admittedly, at the beginning of when the title sequence brief was handed out, my research was not very focused as I needed time to investigate the different artistic approaches that could be created. Selecting a short story and transforming that story into a thirty second title sequence was something I was not comfortable with at first due to animation not being a field that I’m most confident in unlike editorial design; a field that I thoroughly enjoy. However, despite this obstacle, I continued researching for inspiration and it wasn't until my ideas for imagery that my research became more relevant to my approach. Research that consisted of dark and eery setting and atmosphere was what shaped my design decisions for this brief. Although, initially my approach was to be in a silhouette or collaged style but quickly went off this concept. Title sequences that contained the idea of a fairytale context alongside serif typefaces were the main ideas and inspirations behind the creative approach and pathway I took in the end. 

Initially, the design of my magazine was to be only monochromatic. However, through the help and feedback of group and one to tutorials, it was then advised that I should experiment with spot colouring as the spreads could look a little too flat and non-dimensional. Changes to my spreads that I made were mostly to do with the overall layout and composition of my chosen text and how its relationship to the image was very important. A major change was of course the colour spotting as well treating my spreads as double spreads in order so that they could compliment each other effectively. In particular trying to have my imagery bleed across the two pages so that the spreads didn't feel as restricted. A major change that developed my spreads was definitely utilising the coloured lines to guide my pull quotes which changed my design of the layout completely as well as the general aesthetic. As a result of these changes and alterations that I made meant that my spreads development proved stronger each time over the duration of this brief. Like with the editorial brief, over the duration of the sequence brief, it only underwent a few changes. Firstly, making sure my imagery was dark enough in order to communicate the eery atmosphere and feeling of the story and since the ending was positive, it was advised that the last scene should be brighter than the other scenes. Another change was to focus on smoother transitions and to ensure that the last scene was not showing through throughout the animation as it was becoming a mild distraction and not making sense. Another change I had to think about and alter was the typography; the positioning of each phrase I chose for the video were all different, making it seem very mismatched. It was also advised to add the possibility of a drop shadow to make the type stand out a little more to the viewer. Making all these changes has made my development process thorough, and has made me evaluate my progress effectively. 

As this was a creative field I was largely interested in, I managed my time extremely well in order to create an outcome that I was sufficiently happy with. I used the miniature deadlines in our handbook to ensure that I was producing the required work for my tutorial sessions. I tried to print off my prints at regular intervals to ensure that I was gaining an accurate perspective of the progress my designs were going through. As the project went on, the time was easier to manage as by that point, I was only having to make minor changes to my spreads. I was also maintaining my research at this time too to save time right before the critique. Time management again alongside the editorial brief, was not too much of an issue, except for this brief I made sure I gave myself plenty of time to produce an outcome that I would be happy with as I was not familiar with after effects, whereas for the editorial brief, I was comfortable with the programme but wanted plenty of time to experiment. Initially, I was a little concerned about how much time I had to go myself in order to create my title sequence but I pleasantly surprised myself. I wanted to leave a sufficient amount of time to look up and research the techniques I wanted to use before adding them to my sequence. Again, I found as it got towards the critique, because I had a solid idea and knew what needed changing, I never had to rush any elements of my title sequence. Thankfully, both projects didn't cause a lot of stress time wise.

Throughout the duration of the editorial brief, we underwent group tutorials as well as the final critique. By receiving constructive advice and feedback from fellow peers, it helped me to understand where the improvements were most needed. I felt that feedback was the most important at the beginning of this project because thats where the ideas need to be most developed before the designing can begin. Since I had gained solid ideas for imagery and had already gathered an idea for layout and composition, my feedback was already very positive at this stage. In addition to that, receiving the feedback also helped to aid my general progress of the project and I treated it as almost milestones to help get to where I needed to be each week. In terms of feedback, having the tutorials, both group and one to one helped me greatly, especially as this brief being a 30 second moving image piece was most definitely out of my comfort zone. I made sure to write down every single comment and improvement I needed to make to make sure that my final outcome was most effective and to a standard that I was happy with. Having made the suggested changes to my title sequence helped to gain more confidence with my ability to this brief. I felt that overtime i responded to any feedback I was given, it was a definite learning curve. Both projects generally well received advice and feedback which helped aid my development process. 

Admittedly, there aren't many aspects to my design process that I felt needed more practice. I was comfortable with both the brief and using indesign in order to create my spreads. Maybe the possibility of trying not to make my spreads layouts as heavy as they started out to be. I felt that maybe I was trying to hard and that less is more the majority of the time, whereas, having to produce a 30 second video or animation was difficult in my eyes and so a result I think an area that I would want to improve is simply broadening my horizons in the moving image field. I would like to gain better, more effective skills in after effects too, as I may have played it too safe with my video but nevertheless, I was happy with what I had achieved. I want to able to produce a more complex and challenge outcome next time we are set a moving image piece in the near future. Also I think by simply playing with more effects, Im starting to broaden my technical ability too. 

A large aspect and something I will take on board for future layout projects is that less is more. Having too much on the page makes it more difficult to work with and therefore the design process becomes much harder. Once I took out many of the design elements and narrowed down my choices, I was much more pleased with my outcomes. I learnt a few new things in our indesign session such as looking at paragraph and character stylings and to just think about the smallest typorgraphicall elements in general that would eventually make a lot of difference to the spreads. In this unit of study I have learnt to carefully plan out my storyboards at the start , in order to make sure that my ideas were clear on paper before I could apply the on the computer and in my research. This makes the process a lot easier and to develop from too. The programme itself (after effects) was a massive new skill to me as well, learning about all the different things you can do to your animation, especially from what I learnt in the workshops. Although the elements I learnt in the workshops didn't quite tailor to my idea, I have gained a few tips tricks to the programme either way. Theoretical knowledge was an aspect in this unit that I most definitely took away a lot from because at the start I had very little knowledge on the subject which is why my research was so broad at the beginning. 

Overall, in terms of any changes that I would make, I think I would have looked into my first double page spread in more depth as I found this spread the hardest to work with due to the imagery I had created to go in. However with perseverance and regular feedback, it was improving week by week, but admittedly still not my favourite spread of my design to this day. There are no immediate improvements to my sequence that I feel I would change, however I could have added a few more elements to make a little more interesting such using a couple more images as I only made my video simple because of the little skill set I have with after effects so I wasn't able to produce anything massively complicated as I wouldn't know how to go about in the first place. Expanding my technical knowledge is the only element I feel would need improving upon. I’m not confident enough yet to develop a good character design, so maybe I need to practice this in order to add little more dimension to my animation all together. Despite this, Im hoping my final outcome is enough to communicate the idea i was getting across successfully. 

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 9 - "I'm the Only Pure Angel in a Game of RATS and Sloths" - Owen

OWEN

I hope Isaac is okay but like.... tribal cancelled? NUT. Isaac did nothing for me in this game. We didn't talk. We didn't vote together. As far as I'm concerned, he was a chess piece in someone else's hands. So I'm glad that's a variable that was removed :~) rip. Honestly though I do hope that whatever happened works out okay :( ANyways, I'm pretty sure Scott would've gone just as an easy vote. Now, I'm not sure what's going to happen next! Maybe Scott will still go? Idk. There are still powers out there. Especially Logan's merge fuckery prize!! Maybe immunity will be something I can actually win this time. I hope it's fun.

LOGAN

Isaac? I hope youre okay, but you stole two things from me. 1. You stole my extra vote. I could have shown who my allies are this round, but I never got a chance. 2. YOU STOLE MY FIRST INDIVIDUAL IMMUNITY? I've never done that before, and the fact I would have stolen it from TREVOR makes me so much angrier.

-

So I still can't choose who to align myself with - Duncan, or Matt? If I'm with Duncan, I'm with Trevor, and I don't trust Trevor. If I'm with Matt, I'm probably in the bottom of the numbers, but I can pull a Sarah Mosey and hide behind his personality... same with any of the newbies, but I doubt they're worth hiding behind. 

ALI

Guess whose back, back again! Its ME! Welp, Isaac quitting made my exile stay somewhat underwhelming, importance wise, but him quitting and going to jury might be in my benefit. I was one of the few people he said who talked to him, and thus him going to jury without me having voted him out, might mean I'm still in his good graces, come F2/F3. Also, I love where I'm at in the merge tribe at the moment! I'm of course allied with J.D (still my number one), in the 'The Leal Jousewives of Atlanta' with Lydia and Trevor, and in 'The Hydra' with Matt and Sam. However, I'm also now close with Owen, and I have rebuilt a connection with Logan (even thought their lying to me about them going to room 9, which I am still kinda miffed about). Of those left, I like Ryan a lot too, and Scott trust me, so I don't think there are any issues there. Thus, the people 'on the outs' with me personally, are Duncan and David. Duncan, because I'm still super sketched out by that Rob idol play lie, and David, who I've barely spoken to. It seems like the general consensus for the next tribal is Scott, but then, I was talking to Owen about this yesterday, we feel like after that, this game will come alive and everyone is going to pounce. I finished the challenge, I went past 483, then went back to it, but I highly doubt I'll be first (I fell asleep ten mins before the challenge was posted, and completed it about 12 hours after it was set yikes)... I know concretely that I beat Scott however, so if he is the general consensus, he hasn't won immunity. What else is there... Hmmm, oh yeah, I'm somewhat conflicted, for my game's future. I feel like at some point soon-ish, me and JD will have to pick a side between our two four person alliances. If I had to pick now, I feel like we'll end up siding with 'TLJoA' alliance, as JD is definitely swaying towards them, and Sam is also close to Trevor, so we'd only be 'abandoning' one person (Matt). Ideally, I'd love to make F5 with TLJoA + Owen, because then, it'd almost be 'obvious' that me, Lydia and JD should vote out Trevor/Owen, as a duo. That's the goal at the moment! :)

-

Tonight has been amazing for me game-wise. I've FINALLY made headway with repairing my relationship with Duncan and forming one by David! Admittedly, the latter only really happened when I messaged him 'what rhymes with four hundred and eighty knee' :). Anywho, I won't complain- if it brings us together, I love it! :)

MATTEW

yeah so...it's final 11 now which means game time in my mind. With Isaac and Scott leaving the game, we're really left with a group that has a lot of big threats and nowhere to hide. A few rounds ago I led Logan to door #9 in an effort to keep whatever goodie it held out of Trevor's hands but that immediately backfired when a) it was apparently only an extra vote that is already expired and b) Sam told Trevor that I let Logan know what it was! I'd love to have faith in my alliance, but I'd be a fool not to expect Sam and Trevor to be working together after they both mutinied from the same tribe. However, at this point, I don't think it's within my best interest to just keep quiet and not make a big move because Trevor is probably paranoid as hell that Logan has an idol and according to Ryan, he said that I "need to go" after Sam exposed me so I could very well be a target this round. The thing is, Trevor has Owen and Lydia absolutely on lock, so I need at least one member of the Hydra to be on my side or else I'd have absolutely no chance at getting the numbers. Out of the three, I think I can convince Ali to side with me, so I'm really going to work on buttering him up and enticing him with the idea of a "big move" in the event that Sam and JD were onboard with a plan to blindside me. 

DUNCAN

Isaac quit and Scott got Med Evacd meaning i made final 11 sluts!!!! And Rob is on the jury!!! I'm going to take a shot in the dark and say Isaac quit bc Solomon Islands is coming up so he'll need to dedicate his time to hosting that, which I totally understand. On the not so bright side, I'm never getting his vote, oops. I had a meltdown in PI johto like a week ago and swung at a lot of people, Isaac included, and I think it left a bitter taste in his mouth. OOPS!! Apparently I'm not bound to have good social game in Athena games anymore. *abbey shrug* 

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158530385221/immunity-9-password

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158568335546/immunity-results-and-announcement

OWEN

im gay but i won immunity so that is cute

LYDIA

I can't say I'm completely comfortable with this vote.  I've done my best talking to people but no one has really reached out to talk game with me besides my original crew of Ali and JD, and then the new crew of Ryan, Trevor, and Owen.  JD and Ali have been working with Sam and Matt, and I'm really not sure if me and Matt can play nice together rn so I need them to break away from that combo.  Also I like Sam and all but I get strange vibes about him, I know he doesn't have much interest in playing with me, he's a nice kid tho.   Trevor is causing some drama.  Ryan thinks he's doing too much and making himself a threat, which I agree with.  Ryan is okay letting him self destruct and I'm really not, but I'm also not willing to throw Ryan under the bus.  So I wanted to tell Trevor to calm down without making it obvious that Ryan is the one who was talking about it, but I don't think I did that very well.  I probably just made him annoyed.   In other news, I'm nervous about this vote because I feel like Scott should be the obvious choice but honestly people might not want to do that.  I'm scared this will get flipped on myself because Matt might be mad and I'm unlikable, or Trevor because he's allegedly doing too much. 

-

When did Scott get medevaced??? God fuck shit now I actually have to talk to people. Son of a gun.....

ALI

Scott leaving has really made this next tribal super complex. My dream merged alliance of 'Me, Matt, JD, Sam, Trevor, Owen and Lydia'? Isn't happening. Why can't my dreams just come true ugh? What's worse, is that I MIGHT BE A GOSH DARN SWING VOTE. As it stands, Matt is amassing an army against Trevor, of Logan, Duncan, David, Ryan and himself with me as the sixth, and Trevor's alliance is himself, Lydia, Owen, Sam, JD and me AGAIN as the sixth. Well, I am trying to think it through, as to which side to go to. I am far better connected on the Trevor side of things (am close to JD and Sam, am in a four person alliance with Trevor and Lydia, really like Owen), but I am super concerned about a Trevor , Owen and Lydia power trio. Like really really concerned. On the other side, I'm not especially close with David, nor am I with Ryan. Logan and Duncan I've rebuilt relationships with, but we still have that Eddie vote that's preventing a solid alliance for being formed. I really like Matt though and want to stick with him. I have some plans. Plan A) This is the dream plan. If I can somehow dismantle this split vote, and make it a large majority, then I'm not pissing off like half the tribe and can keep working with Matt, alongside 'TLJoA people'. If we can pick off an easy target, like David (can't believe I just described a 10+ times player as an 'easy target' but anywho) and then delay this inevitable bloodbath, I can try and quash people's differences. Plan B) PANIC AND WORRY AND CRY AND STUFF Plan C) Just pick a side and pray For my first game, this is quite the trial by fire. I've been thrown way into the deep end.

LOGAN

if trevor blindsides me for the second time in org career together i will b one PO'd cookie

AMANDA

Hi Jay! It's me again! I just wanted to say hey and also you're great. Cami and Abbey too, since they will read this at some point. Love you all!

LOGAN

Amanda is my favorite mom today tho bc it's Sunday and she deserves it.

OWEN

Being under the radar is easy when you have immunity. Apparently Ryan told Lydia that Trevor was controlling so like.... that's good for me!! Everyone would target him before me, I think. But they can't forget the other trio in the game, Sam, Ali and JD. Sam in particular has been extra stupid to talk to because he won't bring up any names to me or talk game and it's almost as transparent as me trying to force him to lol. He never mentioned the idol to me even though Duncan claims that he knows I know anyway. Isn't that even more of a reason to bring it up...? Yeah it's... just not good!!! I don't wanna be too pushy but I think the best move for me is if David stays and Matt goes. I'm just worried that they'll try to flip it on Trevor or something. But I do have a plan for the rest of this game!! Here's the order I wanna get shit done :~) Matt Sam Ali Ryan Logan Duncan David JD That would be the ideal boot order... Assuming I want to be in the end with Trevor. It would be more ideal to me if Trevor were to leave at five or four because I think he would beat me. The problem is I don't want to write his name down and I know Lydia won't want to either? Which means something else would have to happen for him to go - like an idol play. I want Sam gone before he plays the damn cursed idol. But idk how I'll get that done next round. If Matt goes, I would need Ryan and his extra vote, Lydia, Trevor, myself, and David. Which sounds hard. Maybe I'll talk to David and tell him he's on the chopping block... but if that gets back to the others then they'll be sketched out by me and wanna vote out Trevor. God I would rather just go back to sleep than deal with this. The only thing Scott ever did to make the game harder was get his ass booted. Fuck that

-

Everyone was set on David but that's not good enough for me so! I tried bringing up voting Matt to Sam and he continues to avoid talking actual game with me so I brought it up to Ali and Ali clearly didn't wanna vote Matt out. Alright Ali!!! Interesting! Ali said that he's close with Matt and can keep an eye on him and so :) I went to duncan and was like Ali is close with Matt and so is Logan we need to do something. And then sometime during this I guess Matt brought up trevor's name and Sam told trevor and then duncan asked sam about voting matt and I just.... am screaming!!!! Hopefully Matt doesn't catch wind of this and hopefully Sam and Duncan decide it's better to vote for Matt than for David. Then we would just need Lydia and Ryan on board... and Idk what would happen with Ali and JD if they weren't told about the vote?? Either way if this works, and all I had to do was be the match that sparked the flame, I'll cry

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/BLR36h1uZHQ

DUNCAN

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=pxPn-7pD9lo&feature=youtu.be

RYAN PALMER

ok so chaos ryan is here yall! lets see if we can get trevor out tonight. if this works i fucking win. i dont care if i get voted out. it will be the most amazing move created in a half an hour on no sleep ever! LETS GET THIS GAME GOING! IM NOT HERE TO PLAY TREVORS GAME!

OWEN

Well well well!!! Looks like I'm the only pure angel in a game of RATS and sloths!! The Matt thing got rolling and the votes shifted away from David but then.... Matt pulled together a group to vote Trevor!!! Which Duncan may or may not be a part of. So theoretically they believe David, Logan, Matt, Ryan, Duncan, and JD are voting Trevor, Trevor Lydia and myself are voting Matt, and Ali and Sam are voting David?? But Sam and Ali know all about the Matt plan and JD told them all about the Trevor plan. So I guess it'll come down to both Duncan and the idols left. Trevor for some reason thinks Sam is gonna play an idol on him which I think is BS but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This whole Matt thing really let shit hit the fan huh!!! And I'm just sitting pretty :) Got my idol round my neck, my popcorn in my lap, and my 3D glasses on. I wanna see fireworks after tribal.

ALI

Literally, this vote is madness. Its turned into an all out war between Trevor and Matt. Its just too much for me :(. Like, I need sleep. Why can't everyone just get along lmao?!?

OWEN

Also can we talk about how Trevor still wanted to trust Ryan even after Ryan told Lydia that Trevor was a threat???? Sketch. Not on my watch, Ryan!

-

lmao me trying to convince Trevor to give me his idol and he won't!!!! sketch!!!!!

ALI

Please Sam! Play the gosh darn idol! :)

MATTHEW

So, I've been fishing around to see if anybody would be even willing to target Trevor and then Trevor does what Trevor does and causes chaos an hour before tribal so I have limited time to scramble. What started out as an "easy" David vote has now turned into a massive power struggle between myself and Trevor. There's really not a lot of people I trust at the moment, but Ryan Teddy Palmer is thankfully working his magic and helping me by trying to get numbers and using his extra vote advantage. It all comes down to where Ali and Sam lie. They're gonna decide my fate tonight. I want to trust in them because of our alliance but I know they were both kinda close to Trevor on their original tribes and I've had reason to believe they're both still kinda working with him, so this round is really gonna test where their loyalties lie. Unfortunately for me, if they don't choose me, I'm out of the game. I also can't stand Duncan's fakeness lol, he still holds a vendetta against me for retaliating against his move that was intended to screw me over. Like...4 of us voted your man out, not just me. But now he's besties with Trevor and wants me to go and it's just a hot mess. If I go out this round, I at least went down fighting, but I'm hoping that nothing crazy happens and Trevor is sent home once and for all.

ALI

Five minutes before the vote, and I'm having serious heart palpitations. Lord save me. This is sooooo scary.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158609555526/tribal-council-uh8-8 0

[milestalks-blog]

self reflection . . .

oh god.

here we go.

so, i really dont know what to reflect on?

should probably figure that out.

i guess this is hard to do and write about cause i feel like im going through some significant changes right now, and i feel like those changes arent over yet.

so like hard to reflect when you’re still experiencing that, still going through the growth you want to talk about.

i mean how do you sum up how or why a person changed?

i think change takes place in small moments and actions and decisions as opposed to big leaps and bounds most times. not that people cant change drastically quite quickly, they can. but i think most of the time people change slowly and over time, gradually, sometimes its like grass slowly growing, its hard to see you’re making progress if you’re so used to its presence, you dont notice that its changed? that you’ve changed?

okay so, lets summarize the ways in which im changing

sounds simple but its actually quite a tall order, i guess in part cause a lot of the change im going through is interconnected.

okay. lets try a list.

interpersonal social behaviors

basically, the way in which i interact with people and the way i approach relationships has drastically changed, like previously i shied away from any real connection? like subconsciously?

but like i had to learn how to interact with people and how to maintain relationships, how to be vulnerable, how to be honest.

how did that happen how did i do that?

well a big part of it, at least i think, is i found a safe space, a community, and ive made it a point to be accountable to be those things around those people. and i guess it just bled over into how i act around everybody, because, i like the results i get and the environment i foster from that?

and overall i find myself seeking out companionship and company more often now, i seem to thrive on it at times now.

2. personal politics and what im willing to put up with (???)

this is very much still happening, and i dont know where its gonna end up. but like, i like many people, want a change. a drastic change in how society works and more than that, i believe it can happen and that in order for it to happen, we have to fight for it, work for it, every single day.

the specifics of that dream and where it lies in with everyone else’s politics, that i’m still figuring out.

3. personal boundaries and confidence

im getting better at setting these, im still, well honestly a pit of a pushover at times, there are some things ill just, let happen cause im naturally docile and my instinct is to avoid conflict, then again thats juxtaposed with my instinct to go against the grain.

as for the confidence, slowly with my growth and like my appreciation for myself grows, so does this.

4. self worth and ability to handle poor mental health days, strength

ive become a stronger person, how did i do that?

i dont quite believe seeing that sentence. it still feels, fake in some way, so like, thats a hurdle i still need to get over, my disbelief in myself, but like somehow it still exists alongside my belief?

i guess you become a stronger person by just living and going through each day, by truly living, which means being ready to change, to learn, to grow, and even if you’re not ready being open to doing so and then doing it anyway despite whether you think you’re ready or not. (?)

my strengths and weaknesses (areas that i should use to my advantage and areas where i could grow)

strengths

can i not? im the worst at saying good things about myself

1.

weaknesses

1.  time management

2. trusting myself

3. depression anxiety and other mental health stuff ie not knowing how to deal with those things

4. practical skills (there are some i simply havent learned yet as an adult)

5. there are probably more (definitely) but i get the feeling that those are harder to talk about

(i should probably put more, like blurbs under the weaknesses but like, its hard to talk about, it makes me nervous and doubtful jus thinking of how ill try to amend those weaknesses)

in conclusion im still learning and growing, and hopefully i always will be.

[viralhottopics]

More middle-aged men taking steroids to look younger

Experts warn about growing number of men in their 40s and 50s taking drugs to fight signs of ageing and boost sex drive

Growing numbers of middle-aged men are turning to anabolic steroids to make themselves look and feel more youthful and boost their sexual performance, experts say.

People who work with users have raised concern about a new trend among men in their 40s and 50s, and some even in their 60s and 70s, who are taking the drug to boost energy levels and fight some of the effects of ageing, such as weight gain and a lower libido. Steroids can cause a range of health problems such as heart disease and blood clots.

We have come across a lot of older men using. Its almost like hormone replacement therapy [used to relieve symptoms of the menopause] for females. Steroids can help you lose body fat as well, said Julien Baker, an applied physiology professor at the University of the West of Scotland.

It is a major problem, but the evidence isnt there about what the long-term impact is yet. We are not sure what these drugs are doing to you at that age, but everyone perceives it as safe.

As men get older their testosterone levels drop, which can sometimes lead to a reduced sex drive, weight gain and muscle reduction. Baker says men get information from magazines and online about the drug, which mimics the effects of testosterone and boosts muscle growth, though some are also prescribed it.

Joseph Kean, visiting research fellow at Liverpool John Moores University, said while over-50s still accounted for only a small proportion of the image- and performance-enhancing drugs population, their numbers have doubled over the past five years. He estimated there were between 15,000 and 30,000 over-40s using in the UK.

Guys are saying they just want to stand a bit taller and feel they can stand alongside the younger generation who are much more aware of how they look, Kean said. He explained that older men typically used smaller amounts of the drug less frequently than their younger counterparts.

A typical steroid cycle can be about three months, starting with less and building up before tapering off. At its peak you could be taking steroids daily and injecting around four times a week, said Kean. Older guys tend to take less, but for much longer one injection every seven to 10 days and sometimes almost consistently.

The Juice Clinic in Sheffield, a service for people using steroids and image-enhancing drugs, has noted an increase in older men asking for help.

Steroid use for older men is often about the youthful effects, and about body image and energy levels, said Sid Wiffen, the clinics team leader. I hear talk of men feeling more pressure now to look good, so they are more likely to go to the gym and dress well.

It can be dangerous and it does worry me. Lots of people we see are keen to make an informed decision about their steroid use, but some get information elsewhere and its not always good.

Once users begin to decrease or discontinue use of steroids, withdrawal symptoms such as low mood and anxiety can occur.

Commentators say the growing popularity of such drugs could be the result of societal changes, with people living longer and expecting more from life.

With an ageing population there are now more key points in peoples lives when they are concerned about appearance, said Jim McVeigh, an expert on steroid use at Liverpool John Moores University.

For men who get to a certain age where they are unable to maintain a particular physique naturally, you can see how they would be tempted to try other means to get a body they maybe found easier to achieve 15-20 years ago. Wanting to look good is no longer just the domain of the young.

But a former user, who asked to remain anonymous, disagreed that there was any more pressure on midlife men now than before. He started taking the drug at 41 and said: Steroids will be attractive to any middle-aged man who can see their youth disappearing and want to fight the inherent vulnerabilities of middle age.

The findings coincide with reports of increasing anabolic steroid use, with a particular focus on younger men. Last year people who worked with steroid users estimated that the real numbers of those taking the drug annually was far higher than the 60,000 people quoted in the Crime Survey for England and Wales.

The drugs, officially known as anabolic-androgenic steroids, were first developed for medical use. While they remain a class C prohibited drug, experts say people are finding it easy to get the drugs online or in gyms. They come in tablet form, although they are more commonly injected into muscles.

Baker said while there could be some benefits for older men under a proper prescription regime, there were risks attached to self-medication and buying the products online. Introducing something your body stopped producing naturally may lead to repercussions or have health implications, he said. Theres not enough research out there to look at that. Someone taking steroids at 50 its not clear what might happen to them in the future.

Getting older gets put on hold for a while

I dont want to look like younger guys; Im taking the drugs for me. Photograph: Christopher Thomond for the Guardian

The Guardian spoke to a 53-year-old steroid user, who asked to remain anonymous, about why he chose to take the drug.

I am a normal 53-year old guy and I am a non-smoker who eats well and looks after himself. I go to the gym three or four times a week. I drink some weekends and lead an active social life. I have also been taking steroids for the last three years.

I was apprehensive when I started. I am not a bodybuilder and have never wanted to be one. I got the drug at my gym. I wanted to look healthy and have a nice physique, not rippling muscles but just a bit more definition. I never took steroids when I was younger. Now I have a small dosage once a week and its made me feel fantastic. My testosterone levels and other blood levels are normal. I know this because I have my blood checked regularly at a local clinic for users.

Not only have I got the extra muscle mass I wanted, but the drug has also made me feel good about myself and made me sleep better. It has given me an appetite for life and a better sex drive. No one knows Im on steroids except my partner, who is fine with it.

I am not talking about taking massive amounts. I dont have a massive 60-inch chest. I am a normal guy who looks well for his age. I have a slim waist, not a big belly, and train a little bit.

I dont want to look like younger guys. I am taking the drugs for me, to look good and feel happy. Steroids make you feel more youthful, and in a corny kind of way it is like drinking a feelgood elixir. All the characteristics of getting older, such as feeling tired etc, get put on hold for a while.

When you come off it, in my experience, your body goes back to its normal cycle again eventually. Then, I am tired and all the normal characteristics associated with someone over 50 come back.

Anything in excess is bad for you, but if taken in moderation then its not a problem. Its like having alcohol, its all down to drinking and doing things in moderation. Steroids should fall into that bracket.

I suppose I do worry about the long-term impact of steroids on my body. But I also worry about additives in foods and the effect of using mobile phones on my brain. The list is endless. Irresponsible use and abuse is always the main problem.

Read more: http://bit.ly/2nVnGcu

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