#im watching joyland

[anseki]

HI! 🖤🖤

My name is Aneski!

I'm currently 13!

My pronouns are she/her and I am straighter than an arrow!

9/15/2011

I’m also a single pringle!!

I'm a Virgo (grounded with Capricorn, Pieces, Taurus, Scorpio and Cancer)

I enjoy ghost hunting, paranormal, horror, cat, drawing, reading, painting, singing and acting improv/scripted, typing fanfics (mainly a coping thing but if you want me to write any stories than I'll try !!!)

I also bed rot and marinate a lot A Lot

I have a strong group of supportive and loving friends (9)

^ v *

I don't enjoy bugs, people, loud noises, being watched, stress and being in pain

I look for taller men with a humorous side but smart and kind and honest

<3

Im probably the most cringest and pick me ish girl you'll ever meet but im trying ;u;

My fav YouTubers are Sam and Colby, BENOFTHEWEEK, Hazbin Hotel VRChat, TFIL, OVERNIGHT, SSSinperwolf, Vivziepop, Colby Brock, Sam Golbach, Jake Webber, DRAMA MAMA, & Brandon Rogers

My fav song artists are Melanie Martinez, Alan Walker, Chapell Roan Black Gryp0hn & Bassik, Paranoid DJ, JT Music, The Living Tombstone, Sub Urban, NEONI, AIVVIA, BABYMONSTER, & Stray Kids

My fav shows are Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, Naruto, Demon Slayer, Spy X Family, Ghost Adventures, Gumball, Bee And Puppycat, Class Acts, Bryce Tankthrust, CEO, Magic Funhouse, & Cathy A Mom Making A Difference

My fav movies are K-12 The Movie, A Whisker Away, Drifting Home, The Legands Of The Paranormal, Harry Potter,

My fav games are Hide and Clap (From The Conjuring) LA Freeze, (An improv game) Silent Ball, Uno, Cards Agasint Humanity, Spin The Bottle, Truth or Dare, Charads, FNAF (idk know the lore tho dont hate on me pls ;u;)

I w I <3

I am very very senstive, weird, scarred, I have an eye condtion (Nastagmis) so my eyes move around a lot, I'm autstic (Since I was diagonised later, girls often have this situation, I don't know much abt it) I am lactoss free so I can't eat diary, (cow milk, chess, yougrut, pizza etc etc)

But I have very loving parents and friends to support me through struggles <3!!

I don't have many online friends so I hope to make some!

Joyland AI - @Anseki Spotify - @Aneski Moemate AI - @ChocoletteCoco

I do not own any of the following pictures !!!

I am deeply sorry for any spelling mistakes !!!

[vonkarma2]

do you have a favourite movie of my favourite movies

how can i know what your favorite movies are if you dont make a little quotev or whatever site it is of your top 100..

anyway my favorite one youve recommended me has to be joyland (i assume its one of your favorites because it's in your top four), im really glad you did because i probably wouldn't have seen it otherwise. it was very beautiful both like miserable and kinda uplifting and sincere at the same time + I really liked the take on gender, obviously especially since it included trans women. very nice visuals too.

two that you watched and were like this is CRAZY and i immediately watched them were reservoir dogs and donnie darko and i did really like both of them.. idk if you'd consider either of those your Favorites though. creep 2 is really good. sorry to bother you also.. because that was really funny and i liked the protag character a lot. tbh i think those two might be tied (though id have to rewatch stby to be sure)

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hello, im very much new to your blog and i suppose you have gotten asks like this before but i find what you post very comforting. especially the church notes and such. although im only skimming through it since for large chunks of text i like to sit down. i guess im thankful (best term i can find to describe it) that you post as you do. hope your days are well.

hi anonymous;

appreciate that, i:ll have more church notes tomorrow (because it:s the righteous sabbath tomorrow);

was watching a wc3 grubby video earlier and remembered last night i had one of those "tedium nightmares" where, in the dream, i spent money on buying wc3 and started playing it only to realize i am too dumb and slow to ever be competent at ranked wc3, and that sitting down to play it was like trying to take in too much information--the buildings, unit groups, hotkeys, micro, macro, orders, counters, how to use scouting information, how to manage the shop, how to know timers and creep camps;

finished listening to cujo, joyland, and bag of bones (stephen king audiobooks) recently; finished reading my brilliant friend by elena ferrante; might have just been looking for an excuse to blog a little (ever since i stopped posting so much on twitter i:ve been realizing i don:t have a good enough memory to remember what happened during a month); take care.

[kummatty]

tagged by @igneousbody 🥰🐣💐🪐

currently reading: securing paradise by vernadette vicuña gonzalez, and whale by cheon myeong-kwan (trans. chi-young kim), im trying to keep my focus on 2-3 books max at a time

favorite color: forest green

last song I listened to: poovullo daagunna, unnikrishnan - my love sends me a song everyday 😭 otherwise I havent been listening to music much

last movie I watched: joyland, dir. said sadiq

sweet, spicy, or savory: spicy but im always glad these kinds of questions have no bearing on life and I can happily have all of them

currently working on: not letting stress sink in beneath my skin and wreak havoc internally; and enjoying my time here

tagging @nicholasbritellhive @redweathertiger @phenakistoskope @khlur @hyperculture and anyone else who wants to <3

[variousqueerthings]

last year a recurring theme in movies i watched for the first time and imprinted on seemed to be about the act of existing and even thriving in some way within deeply oppressive systems by creating pockets of freedom (great freedom, joyland, die beautiful, poison, etc)

this year im beginning to see a trend towards films about people completely unable to live within them, either through refusal, a denial of agency, or some other outside force, and therefore attempt to affect some fundamental change of them that may or may not be successful, and often but not always takes on destructive and/or self-destructive dimensions when no other recourse is available (which the above movies also do have some element of) -- death in the gunj, count of monte cristo, lagaan, ben-hur... but the point is the directness of the attempt. you cannot look away now, System

i may be more deliberate in seeking out these choices now, have this circle around and around this year's watches, it's... a feeling i want to chase. i have a Desire

"the deed was not Messala's. I knew him, well. Before the cruelty of Rome spread in his blood. Rome has destroyed Messala as surely as Rome has destroyed my family."

[variousqueerthings]

something that strikes me about joyland vs many other films centering trans women, is that biba’s story is one that interweaves with various cisgender women -- while it does have scenes showing her community, which is notably a place she is happy and safe and able to let her guard down, her actual story stands in comparison to other cis women, who likewise are comparable to each other. she’s not the “othered” woman to their “normative” woman, she’s a woman, whose perspective is relevant to a story largely about women

the part where her being transgender is important (and it is important!), is that she has taken the necessary steps in life to be freely herself, and this has come at great cost, but it’s also working. she knows the pain that comes with that and we see a lot of it in the movie itself, but she’s definitely also got the joy that comes from a certain kind of freedom (the freedom of creating a new reality after everything is gone)

so in that sense, the main contrast of her as “trans woman” to their “non-trans woman,” is that it’s given her the opportunity for joy precisely because the margins -- once everything has perceivably been lost -- is where that joy is to be created, whereas the other women whose stories we see are clinging to what scraps they have. they aren’t happy, not because they’re women, but because the little bits that they do have in the society in which they function, are things they’re too afraid to lose to stand up for what they want 

nucchi at first appears to be happy as a housewife, desperate to produce a son, but she gets stripped away, bit by bit, merely as someone who can tolerate the role she has. she studied to be an interior designer, I believe it was, and it makes perfect sense, once she shares that piece of information with mumtaz. she comes into focus -- and then she’s the one who suggests that she and mumtaz leave the house together (gasp) to go to the amusement park, for their One Good Day

and mumtaz you simply see deteriorate, until she’s on the verge of doing the one thing that might help -- running away -- and then cannot go through with it. I think at least one of the reasons is that she’s wondering if maybe she can do this after all, if maybe once she tells haider that she’s pregnant something will open up, but instead the future closes in and in and in. she doesn’t manage to grab that one sliver of freedom she had (and it would have come with so much pain), and the ending starts careening at the viewer from that point onwards

the second-to-last scene, where you see haider and mumtaz talk prior to their wedding is just... oof. ouch. mumtaz :( me, sitting in this movie screaming at the screen to just get her the damned air-conditioners she wanted, at least! one thing!

and then lastly the neighbouring woman, who at first presents herself as all about that propriety, and who you then realise is at the end of what this journey is going to be. no longer useful, only a ghost, not even allowed to leave the house, and there’s no way she’ll do anything but accept this, even as she feels, deep down, there’s some way to have joy, and she even briefly offers a small fight for it, before she accepts her fate anew

in the face of all of this, biba’s is the story with the most hope, presenting out and proud transness as a gift rather than a burden that must be borne because nothing else is possible, as it often is. biba is not in a society where she’s safe, or accepted, or respected -- hell, she’s clearly the least privileged person we follow in this film -- but she is free

[variousqueerthings]

finally watching joyland and I can tell I’m going to be a damned mess

[variousqueerthings]

great freedom 🤝 joyland

queer existence may be treated as unwanted and even criminal, but it’s potentially full of far more freedom and community and joy than can be found by clinging desperately to systems that make you force yourself into tinier versions of selfhood, just to maintain correct ways of being, and although there is likely punishment and loss and pain that these smaller people will dole out to force queerness out of existence, the fight is worth it, and the self is worth it, and the joy is worth it