#im used to his bullshit by now idk why i was surprised

[viscerast]

I’m so sorry you had to deal with that with your dad.

its okayy its . whatever thank u oomfie

[cherryredstars]

Idk if ur requests are open right now, but if they are, please PLEASE can you do this idea I have rn… ok so, I was sorta thinking about how spider!reader and Miguel go on a mission together to retrieve a spiderman, but in this universe it’s a girl version of Miguel. And, Miguel had like a little (big) crush on spider!reader and in this universe there’s a girl/boy version of us that girl Miguel has a crush on, so, Female!Miguel gets attracted to us and fights Miguel all the time for spider!reader attention 🙏 IM BEGGING FOR YOU TO DO THIS PLEASEEE😭😭 also, I love your fan fics😼😼

(Don’t mind my spelling 😭)

1k Prompts

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x gn!reader

Warnings: Pining, Jealousy, Fluff

Summary: You were his first. 

Word Count: 961 (Not Edited)

Miguel never understood why people were jealous of others. 

The idea of wanting to be like someone else because they looked prettier or did a certain thing better or because they had something he wanted was stupid. He knows that everyone has some fucked up shit happening behind the scenes, and he’s perfectly content to handle his own deal of problems. All in all, being jealous of someone else was a waste of time. And he was ready to die on that hill, until he met her. 

It was supposed to be an easy mission, and in and out sort of deal. The only reason Miguel went along on the mission was because it was in a new universe, and he always preferred to check it out for himself. And, of course, he brought you along. As much as he loved watching the way your body moved in your suit and hearing the soft melody of your voice as you went on and on about your day, he always brought you along because you made everything better. Literally. You seemed to have this calming effect on others, helping newly discovered spider men, women, animals, anything under the sun really, process the idea of the multiverse. It wasn’t a big surprise that Miguel had ended up falling under your spell, absolutely adoring the contrast in personalities. But now, he wishes he can pick you up and carry you back to HQ where he can keep you all to himself. 

You don’t even notice the displeased look on Miguel’s face as he watches, arms crossed over his broad chest and the smallest of pouts on his lips as he watches you interact with…himself. Herself, technically. It was the biggest surprise to the both of you when you had discovered Miguel’s genderbend protecting the city. She had taken an instant liking to you, making it a point to brush her fingers along your arms, fingers twirling your hair as she talked, going on and on about her version of you. Female Miguel absolutely loved whispering things just loud enough for you to hear, a deep flush coming over your face as you smiled bashfully. It was driving him fucking nuts. 

His fingers itched to pull you away from her, to mark you as his and that she could go run off to whatever version of you she had. This one is mine. It wouldn’t count as self-harm if he tested if she had the same pain tolerance as him, right? He promises it’s for research purposes only, no other reason. It definitely is not because he- she- is making not so subtle passes about you staying over and going back to her place. Not at all. Definitely had no correlation to the way female Miguel is leaning in super close to you, lips practically touching your ear as she whispers whatever bullshit she has in her mind. Miguel is practically blind to the way her fingers are ghosting over the front of your suit, circling over your stomach. 

When female Miguel makes a move to kiss your cheek, Miguel gives into his urges. With a low snarl, he grabs your arm and pulls you behind him protectively. His eyes are narrowed at himself- herself?- the entire time, female Miguel doing the same to him. They look like rabid dogs fighting over a bag of food, teeth barred and eyes shining red. Both Miguel’s loose their face as your peak behind him, your hand slowly rubbing at his arm in an attempt to calm him down. Miguel throws a cocky grin at female Miguel, who sports an ugly scowl in response as you try to coax them back to HQ. 

Of course, things don’t get any better on the way back to base. Female Miguel thinks she has a right to your every second, staying attached to your arm as Miguel walks ahead. Miguel makes it a point to interrupt the conversation every few seconds, giving out rules and explanations that make a vein pop at the side of his female version’s head. He finds absolute joy getting in the way of her advances, only for it to be wiped away when he sees how affected you are at her words and small touches. I could do that, he scowls, I could do that and so much more. 

He can only really relax when female Miguel finally opens up a portal to go home, a small whine in her voice as she asks you if you’ll visit her real soon. You can only smile kindly and nod, the promise on the tip of your tongue before Miguel all but shoves himself- herself, fuck- into the portal with an indifferent, “oops”. You can’t help but laugh, finally catching onto his irritated behavior halfway through female Miguel’s visit. You smile sweetly at him, patting his arm as you wordlessly follow him back to his office. Before you can enter though, Miguel pulls you towards a small side hallway, pressing you up against the wall before checking for prying eyes. You stare up at him in a mixture of adoration and confusion, breath hitching when his face gets real close to yours. 

His eyes scan your face, a small scowl between his brows that soften as his eyes meet yours. It doesn’t take long for them to wander down to your lips, eyes slightly darkening. You’re completely unprepared when he tilts his head and leans the rest of the way forward. His warm lips meet the corner of yours, the feel of his fangs just barely there. Your world seems to be in chaos as your try to process the action, eyes trailing after his receding form as his whispered words boom in your head:

“Choose me, okay?”

I was supposed to write this yesterday but I had no time and it's so obvious from the way I wrote this. I’m so sorry, I'm always more than willing to redo a request if you don't love it!!!

[kurozu501]

finally got around to starting the ff7 remake yesterday and i have to say there's already a bunch of small changes that feel weird. Shinra deliberately letting us set the bomb and then destroying their own reactor when the bomb fails feels… really weird. There had better be a decent explanation for it later. The obvious answer is that they did it to make Avalanche look bad but why? Avalanche at this point is Barret, Tifa, 3 other people and one unknown "ex-soldier" merc. They aren't worth that much wasted money and PR face saving.

More importantly it changes the way the first mission feels. In the og game it felt like we were actually striking a blow against Shinra. We destroyed that reactor ourselves. Felt like we had some agency. Now its just us being manipulated in the palm of their hand the entire time. Why make this change? its bizarre. Not only does it make avalanche seem pathetic and undermine Barret's leader speech, it makes the following walking tour through the destroyed rich people district not work.

That whole bits purpose seemed to be to show the horrors of war, etc. That there are human casualties even if avalanche's cause is just, yadda, yadda. Look at the consequences of your actions! Except… these aren't the consequences of our actions. Cloud and the others don't know but we, the player, clearly see that their bomb would never have done this much damage and that Shinra caused the disaster. Which means instead of feeling guilty or troubled im just annoyed and waiting for the characters to catch up on what i already know.

The politics overall feel very neolib, which isn't surprising for square enix but it still sucks when the source material has so much leftist elements baked in to it. They add a scene where Barret confronts some Shinra employees on the train (while we are supposed to be keeping a low profile. he could not more obviously be screaming "hi im the terrorist who caused the explosion just now" why does the remake insist on making Barret a total idiot) and the shinra guy gets to spout some bullshit about how they're making the world a better place but the game doesn't let Barret refute their points or make an argument back, he just scowls at them till they run away. Why?

Later when i get off the train i finally, finally hear one person say they don't give a shit about the rich people up top only for that person to immediately get shut down. "Hey, they're people too." The game wants you to both sides this shit so so badly lmao. Sure, maybe Barret is objectively correct that these mako reactors are destroying the planet but blowing up a pipeline reactor is just as bad guys!!! Look at all this devastation and casualties, look at how the rich guy has a daughter who loves him, look at how dumb and irrational Barret is! Mayhaps the tyrannical planet killing corporate overlords and the 6 poor people trying to stop them are both equally in the wrong.

idk im still early in the game and ive heard Barret gets some good moments later on. But right now it feels like if blowing up the reactor wasn't an iconic in media res opening that fans loved so much, square enix absolutely would have changed the opening. They did not seem comfortable with it. They really went so far out of their way to change the way it felt while still technically letting it happen.

[jackienautism]

Now I’m really curious about your thoughts on the other counselors. I don’t really have any strong opinions on them much tbh idk why. Maybe it’s the whole “horny teenager” trope or something

(finally getting around to this. sorry for taking so long dfkldg)

yeaaaah fair enough dfgjndg thats exactly why i get pissed off playing the game tbh. it just becomes so convoluted with this romantic whatever bullshit that it gets SUPER TIRING...... but that's ok though bc silas kaylee and caleb need someone to love them unconditionally right?

anywho! i appreciate you wanting to see my other unfiltered opinions on the characters kdfgdfjg bc gosh do i have a lot. especcially for TQ bitches. as i just ssaid,

i AM going to get unfiltered and potentially brutal so if anyone is your ultimate bestie i recommend not reading (abi and laura are safe though of course<3) (mainly because nothing about either of them necessarily irritated me LOL and im easy to irritate)

im going to reference my thoughts on the characters from a note i wrote after playing through like ? chapter 4 for the first time. but honestly not miuch has changed. and just to preface this a good portion of my negative opinions come from the campfire scene in chapter 2 LOL like. when i first played the game i began disliking like more than half the characters here alone

//

dylan: talked about him here (its not positive)

//

nick: i just think hes a prick who doesn't deserve abi 🤷 of course he was given the short end of the stick in terms of screentime, but its kind of funny bc kaitlyn has a similar amount of Actual walk around time and she's there like. the entire game LMAO so yeah that pisses me off. nick has 3 moments where you play as him, and kaitlyn has 5/6, depending on how you separate her section in chapter 10. they both have the same amount of Get To Explore And Walk Around time though, which is a whopping total of one thanks guys. anywho. even before he began acting like a creep i didnt like him lol... and no surprise but it all stems from chapter 2...

long story short, i dont doubt that nick actually cares for abi and likes her but i think in the grand scheme of things it mostly has to do w/ him wanting tits and ass... sort of similar to mike's whole deal... and i believe this based on the bullshit he pulls w/ emma. yeah he says that "tHiS mIgHt NoT bE a GoOd IdEa" and yet he still plays along despite dylan saying that 2 people can kiss AS LONG AS everyone consents. he could've gotten out of the situation. and yet he fucking didnt. i dont care if he didnt realize the consequences of his actions, if he TRULY liked abi he wouldnt have done this shit in the first place. "ive had my moments, im not proud of some of the stuff ive done" DOG YOU JUST HAD A MOMENT AND YOURE NOT EVEN FUCKING APOLOGIZING TO THE PERSON YOU HURT!!!!!! idc if it technically wasnt totally his fault. he still was involved in humiliating and upsetting abi. all he blames it on is playing alonog with emma's plan to make jacob jealous and aside from that just being such a shitty anf fucked up excuse in general, its not even ???? true?????????? GOD. IM SORRY. THE WHOLE SITUATION MAKES ME SO UPSET

//

jacob: as said in my previous TQ / UD rankings... i really flip flop w/ him alot. however im def leaning towards neutral to dislike NGL. i HAAATED his whole thing w/ emma like incredibly so. however. i did feell real bad for him during chapter 1, despite already knowing that he was the one to bust the truck up and keep everyone there another night. i felt bad despite already having a reason TO dislike him. kaitlyn was being mean for no reason. nick and dylan were being mean for no reason. it's just... it's almost like he was being used as the group's laughing stock. but as time went on i just continually became less and less willing to sympathize . hell, he's just a INFINITELY less sympathetic josh... of course seeing him crying and upset in ch 3 was sad, but at this point i don't really know what he expected im sorry. he really dragged all these other people into his bullshit with emma. and it's more than clear how emma feels about their relationship, of course emma wasn't great either with him, but jacob isn't an angel ... EITHER in this situation. of COURSE he couldn’t have known that the night would go the way it does, but it doesn’t negate the fact that fucking up the truck was a shitty move regardless LMAO as said previously, i HAAATe how fucking possessive he is of her. like when nick tells jacob that he could see what emma wantss? and jacob just laughs it off? it's so fucking stupid dog. character wise though, he of course has a lot going for him and i can see why people find appeal in him. especially seeing hwo many stereotypes theyre subverting, in terms of jacob showing emotions and shit. but for me personally, it's a no

//

ryan: my man🤝 even after all this time.... i find him very respectable and i very much appreciate him. similar to my deal w/ abi, even his more "asshole-ish" moments / dialogue choices (aside from a few off the top of my head LOL) are like. justified... and in character... like. him being so pissed off at and wary of laura? like????? laura is my beloved but this random girl just popped out of nowhere, killed one of his closest friends, and now wants to kill what he has of a father figure? like yeah id be acting like ryan too if i were put into his situation LMAO yeah you can be annoyed w/ his actions and behavior, but in context? the way he's acting is understandable and justified. it doesnt DESERVE criticism, because there's nothing to criticize! he's acting as any normal person would! of COURSE it's annoying how he doesn't BELIEVE laura, that's a whole other can of worms, but overall he's allowed to be a pissed off little bitch. and him potentially going against the whole party idea? that line of dialogue is just more in character for him i will not accept any other answer. it makes no sense that he'd suddenly go against chris' word. and it PISSES ME OOOOFF seeing how the game still like ? has ryan show up to the party despite being adamant against it.

ANYWAY.... ppl don't appreciate his autistic swag like i do. "he has no character" "he's boring" TO YOU. y'all rly see a character mainly speak in a monotone voice and rarely smile / show expression and go. yeah he's boring . do you not see the like . connotations of that. like be for real. he’s like. one of the only few genuinely good ppl here lmao and seeing how chris says that ryan is one of his fave counselors and how he TRUSTS him enough to hold all this responsibility + have all these in depth talks w him it’s just. you see what kind of person ryan is just from that. and how so far ryan is the only character (while you’re in control) who’s able to interject whatever bullshit is being said at the moment it just. i’m sorry. he’s just a good guy. i respect how he’s willing to go against the bulk of the group during the whole party or lodge thing. i also respect that he’s willing to put a fucking end to dylan’s invasive fucked up truth question. i KNOW that it all depends on the Player to choose these specific options BUT. they just fit ryan’s character more so🤷 what can i say. fuck everyone else

//

max: my bf (real)

laura: my gf (real)

abi: me (irl)

//

emma: in my original note i said that i was leaning torwards neutral to dislike lmao....... oh have the turns havbe tabled. anywho. i think shes such a stupid dumbass bitch. she's so funny for no goddamn reason. i am shoving her down a flight of stairs. i love her character sooo much. i hate how she acted with jacob (despite most of it being her people pleaser side Showing but, that's a whole different conversation i am willing to have). she's suuuuch a beloved but gooooooood god i draw the line at being such a shitty friend to abi. that's my biggest complaint when it comes to emma and her actions. i understand that she has a moment where she's like "you're my best friend, i need you" and i fucking eat that shit up but almost everything else that happens and happens prior..... just goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

to get started. most of this is gonna be nitpicky and personal shit, so if you think it's small and shouldn't be addressed, then you're probably right LOL im just ultra sensitive to this sort of stuff due to past personal experiences. ANYWAY!!!!!! you know the little teasy comment emma makes towards abi after you avoid hitting the squirrel? how she's like, "this is her first time asking a guy out like EVER"? it makes me wanna beat her up fr kldfggnfg bc it's like... it's not a thing to joke about... i see sooo much of myself in abi meaning i see her as autistic and that's just. you know how much being autistic hinders those sort of abilities? i obviously can't say for sure but, seeing how abi later talks about people wantingher to interact w/ others better? hence why she went to summer camp in the first place? i'd say that probably isn't too outrageous to think...

and sort of continuing off that same topic, when abi is having trouble choosing someone for truth or dare, how emma is just like. "ding ding ding, my turn!" LIKE. AS HER FRIEND. WHO PROBABLY KNOWS ABOUT HOW MUCH ABI STRUGGLES SOCIALLY. DON'T YOU THINK SHE'D BE LIKE? "OHH ABI JUST PICKK ME" INSTEAD OF HUMILIATING HER? LIKE. BC THERES SOOO MANY DIFF WAYS OF MOVING ON AND HELPING ABI OUT....... GOING ABOUT IT THW WAY EMMA DID ISN'T THE WAY TO GO......... ESPECIALLY KNNOWING HOW SOCIALLY ANXIOUS ABI IS.... anyway. while we're on the campfire scene, it's so fucked why she chooses to kiss nick lmao like ok yeah it may work in the end (potentially) but its still ?????????????? girl you know how much abi likes nick (SUPPOSEDLY) why go about this shit in the most destructive way possible? and what makes me even MORe mad is that. they dont even ever address this scene ever again???? despite it being such a huge and humiliating and probably traumatizing moment for abi??????????? YES they're able to have a more in depth andf heart to heart conversation about their relationship. but its not fucking enough! bc that fucking stupid ass dare and its outcome was the catalyst for the rest of the night's events lmao! imagine beign brushed aside and seen as a social fucking experiment for your entire life. which is something im SURE abi has felt and experienced. and emma, her best friend, LITERALLY CONTRIBUTES TO THAT!!!!!! ITS SO FUCKED AND IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY. i could probably go on about this topic but ill leabe it for a separate post i guess anyway if i were abi id be fucking pissed off and upset

her character means so very much to be like her whole people pleaser and "curate myself to each individual person ive ever met to keep them fromn leaving me" resonates so so much with me and i love it so much. ive talked about this b4 in a previous post but i can only imagine how lonely she feels, acting the way she acts. no one will ever truly know who she is. shes in a constant state of performance. every single person she's ever met has a different perception of her in their head. and, in one way or another, it's all wrong!!!! i love you emma mountebank i love you abigail blyg

//

kaitlyn: i wont even lie i instantly fell in love w her after hearing the INSANE shit she says fnsjfjsnf esp felt it after the “jacob go upstairs. jacob get bag. kaitlyn moves on with her goddamn life” fell in love fr. and her whole stupid monologue after jacob was like "yeah i mean, what did i expect would happen?" SHES LITERALLY INSANE. but. like. i was not and still Am not happy w how she treated abi during the campfire scene though. due to 1. her telling abi to basically hurry the fuck up despite seeing how much she was GENUINELY struggling, and also potentially knowing about her social struggles prior. bc they're friends. right? and 2. just coming up wiht the dare in general lol it was such a fucked up thing to do and as ive said w/ emma, the fact theyre unable to actually jhave a convo abt it later is suuuuper dumb and shitty imo. esp seeing just how upset abi got, and the most fucked up thing is, neither kaitlyn NOR emma seem to show any remorse for it!!!!! that's just so fucked up

anywho. hate how both of their asian girls (emily in until dawn) are characterized as bossy and very. my way or the highway. it’s actually real fucked up in that light. fuck you supermassive. y’all are lucky that these 2 characters are their respective games’ baddest bitches . i SUPPOSE it isn’t THAT as big of a deal in this game bc. there are like. objectively more unlikable characters (in the guys AND girls) so kaitlyn doesn’t stand out as much (as emily did. she was practically written to be hated. bc NO ONE ELSE was as strong personality wise as her. i suppose jess comes close but 1. i think ppl shit on her for other stupid shit anyway SO and 2. she effs off for more than half the game) but it still doesn’t make it ok lmao. bc it’s a trend that is very :/ mmmmmmm. even if it’s not that much of a cliche stereotype for asian women, seeing them write both of their asian girls ALMOST THE EXACT SAME WAY is a bit sussy goddamn baka. went off a bit there lmao. anyway. i’m a weak pussy bitch and after she softened after abi returned freaked out i 😭 i love you. more positive (and NON GUY related) interactions between the girlies please. i literally love her relationship w/ abi so much it's so interesting to me.

and just... to talk about her character real quick, i mmentioned in my tier list that her character frustrates me. and you wanna know why? ive talked abt this b4 but her character is basically a watered down emily davis. and i say this bc. they both overall are the same archetype. except. in kaitlyn's case. there's really no reason for me to like ???? feel bad for her? djjfggkj LIKE. THERE'S LITTLE TO NO SUBSTANCE TO HER CHARACTER.... AND THERE CERTAINLY ISNT MUCH TO FEEL SYMPATHETIC FOR..... i say this bc. almost all the other TQ characters have this moment of ): aw, here's why i should care about and feel bad for you. BUT KAITLYN????? NEVER REALLY OUTRIGHT HAS THAT MOMENT,..... it's almsot like they threw her in there and threw in her characteristics last second.... nothing's really established w/ her. you just. you just keeo finding new stuff about her as the game goes on. like. oh. shes a good shot. oh. she cares about abi. and shit like that. im probably explaining this so terribly rn but hopefully some sense can be made from this scramble. it's just.... thye toook away the interesting aspect(s) of emily'scharacter (her anxiety, her fear of death, her complex to be protected while being fully capable of protecting herslef in times of danger etc etc) and thus gave us kaitlyn. to me she just. she isnt that interesting character wise! there isnt much there for me to grow attached to! people only like her bc shes associated w/ dylan! like shes one of those characters where you sort of HAVE to mold and shape into something that's familiar and Good

re reading htis it really sounds like i don't like her fdjkdg BUT I DO I PROMISE.... i gotta stick w/ my asian girls

//

abi but for real: 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 do i even need to say anything? its like supermassive made a character purposely JessCore or something like that. i like. haven’t gone In Depth abt why i got so fucked up over what everyone else did to her during the camp fire scene but. know that it hit a little toooooo fucking close to home. like. I Could See Me Sitting There In Abi’s Spot and it HUUUUUUURT!!!!!!!!!!!! like ): seeing her avert her gaze and how she was fumbling over her words i ))): LIKE. AUGHH. esp after being asked THAT question? since not sleeping w/ anyone by this age is seen as “abnormal”? i could feel that so bad man ): no one deserves to be singled out like that. esp not a VERY much autistic girl who is pretty clear to be on the “outside” of the group. bc she’s not “normal” or not “like everyone else here” and it’s just. fuck you all fr choke. enough of that. i just. she’s so fucking cute too? like girl i love you so MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her lil like. expressive noises and shit are so awesome and make me happy fnsjfjsf you only see them like twice BUT. you don’t really see that from the other characters. so basically: stims. autism. yeah. they rly made abi a little TOO realistic nd relatable fnsjfnnsf but ohhhh man do i love her oh so much. after the camp fire scene i was just. she’s my friend now fuck all of you

//

laura but for real: I MISSED HER AND MAX SOOOOO BAD WHILE PLAYING THROUGH CHAPTERS 1 - 6 SKLDDFJDF i was literally so upset and sad seeing that they werent at camp after the prologue. du eto like literallty all of the characters getting on my nerves I WANTED THEM TO COME HOME SOOOO BAD.... AFTER THE CAMP FIRE SCENE EVERYTHING WENT DOWNHILL AND I MIIISSSEED THEM SOO MUCH i needed them back for real. other than that though, i dont have much to say about laura. i mean of course she's my BELOVED i mean look at my user but. yeah! i think about her often and project some anger shit onto her<3 specifically towards travis for specific and personal reasons<3 even if it's not like character stuff or w/e i think about, i often just rotate herin my mind. i love her so much. plus she's literally a combo of emily and sam aka my 2 fave UD characters how could i not love her?

//

max but for real: i honestly dont have much to say abt him? and i suppose he and laura arent /technically/ a part of the other counselors since they never, yk, showed up. but w/e fdfjgndg i think he's neat. i honestly thought he was like one of the only Good Guys of the game when first playing through,. and that still holds true! i still see ryan as a great guy too though. max just seems like such a good partner and guy in general and i love him. don't necessarily think about him much but as i said before, he's my bf (real)

[mangoposts]

also i actually had the worst day of my entire life today so im gonna share 😻😻 a few weeks ago i went to this st. patrick’s day party and long story short my friend hooked up with a guy and i hooked up with a guy and by the end of the night we ended up finding out they were friends. AND LET ME TELLL UUUUU… the guy who i hooked up with was so sexxxxyyyy. or so my black out drunk brain thought he was. when i opened his snap the day after the party i was in for a quite a shocker 😋😋. it’s not that he’s ugly he just looked better at the party when i was drunk and the lights were low. like he’s cute ig but i could have sworn he looked like a blessing from heaven sent straight for me that night. like idk why but i just remember i was crying in the bathroom to my friend bc of how hot he was. anyways he kept asking for a two man since my friend already hooked up with his friend but i would always come up with an excuse bc i did nawt wanna hook up with that man again. fast foward to tonight, i was driving my friend home at like 9 and she starts screaming so i was like wtf and she goes i just got us a two man. and i immediately knew exactly who she was talking about. i told her there is no way im doing that but she’s already in my car so what can i do yk. so she tells me that he wants us to go to his house but i was like u literally have to be home in 30 minutes and he lives an hour away so how would that even work. so then she was like i’ll ask my mom for more time and her mom was like 10 but she was like 10:30 so they compromised for 10:15. but i was like that still isn’t enough time to do anything and then she goes they’re gonna meet us halfway. so guess where halfway was. the fucking street parking right in front of LMU. so we are literally just sitting in my car parked in front of LMU waiting for them to come. they finally come at 10 but i’m asking my friend wtf she thinks is gonna happen in like 5 minutes bc i still have to get her home by 10:15 and all she says is don’t worry about it and jumps out of my car to go see the guys. they talk for a minute on the corner and then she and the guy she hooked up with start walking in the other direction and the guy i hooked up with starts walking towards my car. he gets in the passenger seat and is just staring at me. and mina oml. it’s so fucking awkward. so finally he’s like should we get in the back and i was just like yea bc i didn’t know where my friend went and how long they would be gone and idk how much more of the silence i could take. we get in the back and start kissing but i keep pulling away like every 2 minutes bc i was just not in the mood for the surprise two man. especially not with this man. also i turned my car off so there’s no music and i quite literally have my body as far away from his as i could possibly have it. after like 20 minutes he’s like do u want me to get out and as much as i wanted to say yes i felt rlly bad for the way i was acting so i just said i was worried where my friend went bc it’s now 10:30 and i was supposed to have her home and her phone is in my car so i can’t call her. he’s just like oh i get it and we just end up talking. when it becomes 11 i was like do u think we should get out and look for them and he’s like yea so we start walking around and we see them making out on the corner. that was actually my final straw. i just walked to my car bc i couldnt deal with any bullshit anymore lmao. my friend finally comes back to my car and she’s all giddy and shit and i’m just like i’m glad ur smiling bc im definitely not. so then she goes to check her phone and she has like 30 missed calls from her parents bc it’s now like 11:30. and so she’s rushing me to get her home now bc her parents are hella pissed. like bitch. ik u aren’t rushing me. anyways now idk what to do bc i feel so bad for acting that way towards the guy but i also don’t know if i should apologize. anyways tell me ur thoughts or whatever 😻😻😻

-🐒

WOWWWWWWW UR FRIEND IS A DAWWWWGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i would literally buy her an uber and drive home myself i cannot believe that Lmaoooooo but i meannnn if you don’t like the guy you can’t force it, there’s really no need to apologize nothing went wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️ You could just tell him you couldn’t focus because you were worried and ghost him after that like he doesn’t seem that serious

Ur friend is so strange though if i was responsible for her whereabouts id straight up call her mother myself and be like heyyyy yes i have ur kid but im going HOME❤️ I do not play like that

[trickarrows-bishop]

LIVE BLOG OF ME REACTING TO EPISODE FIVE OF HSMTMTS

was gonna do this for episode four and forgot, kinda wish i did after all of THOSE scenes but anyways episode five lets GOOOOOO

[open with caution, i didn't realise how mentally unprepared i was]

THE WAY EJ WAS ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BANNER MADE ME SCREAM TBH LIKE BROTHER U WANT ME TO CRY FR FR

"richard bowen" "elton john" caswen is upon us (i cant even say im delusional because madlyn deadass nearly happened last episode)

"the musical is going swimmingly" girl u drowning dont lie

BYE NOT THE NEVER-ENDINGLY USED PLOT OF THE IDEA OF THE MUSICAL BEING CANCELLED I CANT GET AWAY FROM THIS FR

i gotta say kourtney repeatedly getting her moment is insane. like im so fucking happy rn over it its insane. like she's going therapy (WOOOOO THERAPY !!) and actually looking at her future !! im so happy for her im fr putting ms girl in my pocket

also when i found out her mom is played by dara's actual mom i screamed (not lying im so dramatic bye)

"lets start with questions!!" "great 'cause i have many" she is me and i am her. i am kourtney greene coded fr

4 JOBS??? EJ'S DAD CAN SUCK A DICK FR IDEC HE IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE MAN

i cant even say i want it made up bc ej said its a breath of fresh air and HE NEEDS THAT AIR FFS

"talking to val" WOHOOOO MENTION OF PAST CHARACTERS INSANE BEHAVIOR FROM THE WRITERS !! INSANE !! (im in delusion that nini will be back)

"you do look good" "thanks. you do look... terrible" real. ricky bowen me coded fr

cant believe we havent had one season where gina can just. have the lead. and no drama. like pls tim i was BEGGING like. at season two.

caitlyn (actress playing quinn the director) is so hilarious to me like i've been following her online for ages and bro its so funny seeing her on hsmtmts and doing exactly what she does in her other videos LMAO

"g force" i'll puke. fuck off.

GINA KINDA GAGGED QUINN THERE ???

LMFAO NOT HER CHANGING HER MIND JUST AT THE IDEA OF WINNING AN AWARD

EJ and ricky's duet lol they hate me. they want me to cry. im eight mins in too. cant wait to cry to this fr

update: crying over this duet what the fuc

can i just say how for certain songs on this soundtrack they've been HITTING or absolutely MISSING ???

this girl harper is GAGGING kourt LMAO "i see you standing here right now !!" SHES SO FUNNY FOR NO REASON

miss jenn is not using siri rn.

CARLOS BB :(

SIRI SHUSH WITH UR BEEPING

trust the process WOHOOOO

why is it thunderstorming JESUS

22 pages U FUCKIN WHAT (never been in a musical idk seems like a lot)

why is she always wearing a cheer outfit its deadass like the character's personality is cheer outfit bro

"3 children" i need to buy a GUN

quinn i was just routing for u babe why u posting such bullshit on instagram. and was that a FILTER?

BIG RED???FHHSDHFADSJGHFKSDJHFASDKJBFSKV

BIGGIE ???dFHAKSDHFAKSJDHGFKASHDG IS THAT MY SON ???? MY SON ???? IS HE ALSO WEARING GLASSES WHAT THE FUCK OF FUCKS

anyways let me actually play the scene LOLZ

HIS FIRST WORDS ARE "ASH YOU LOOK AMAZING" BYE CANT DO THIS WHY WAS I ROUTING FOR MADLYN FFS

YK WHAT? ASHLYN HAS TWO HANDS. YEAH. THAT CAN WORK FOR ME

grandma red's 100th!! everyone cheered fr (i am everyone)

"your last text said you had something important to tell me" no i am not about to witness redlyn break up. nononono.

I KNEW IT

THE FUCKING MOMENT SEB SAID HE CHEATED I CONNECTED THE DOTS I WAS LIKE

"HMMMMM BIG RED JUST CAME OUT AS BI ??? YOU CHEATED ???? IDK ??? MAYBE SEB HELPED OR SOMETHING" LITERALLY SAID THAT SHIT OUT LOUD AND I WAS RIGHT HOLY FUCK OF FUCKS

"surprise!!" boy- i don't have TIME to even unPACK-

"you okay?" "i am GREAT" me when i LIE

HOLD UP

DID HE JUST

DID RICHARD JUST

MENTION NINI???? WHA

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

THIS WASN'T ON MY HSMTMTS SEASON 4 BINGO CARD?!!!!????

yeah im salty about how shit of an exit that was for nini. next question.

"afraid of the truth?" do u want me to try and make this gay or not richard cuz i stg u are giving me some mixed ass signals

nevermind this is really sad and heartbreaking let me shut the fuck up

AND NOW WE GO BACK TO REDLYN OKAYYYY

THE MOVIES??? BIG RED AND SEB AT THE MOVIES ???

all of this is just so out of character for big red and seb like what

like ej was right there tim come ON

"we were at a harry styles movie" not the fucking millennial ass writing coming in NOW

"my bi origin story" how am i supposed to feel rn??? because i don't know how to feel. like. anything. at all.

GIRL YOU BETTER TELL HIM ABOUT VAL OR MADDOX ???

"yeah!!! she was cute!!!" "yes. she was." BAHAHHAHAJHFGDSKJ

"wait..." NOT THAT BEING THE WAY SHE CAME OUT BAHHDSJH

"there were fireworks... literally"

OHHHHH SHES TALKING ABOUT MADDOX TOO UHM

"YOU almost kissed MADDOX" bro idk if ur disgusted or proud pls elaborate

OH HE KNEW FROM THE DOC LMFAO

wait so im just like ??? meant to let go of redlyn ??

"im happy for you" kms where can i get a big red

aLSO I WANT A NAME REVEAL tim PLEASE

just watched redlyn break up. now FUCKING WHAT

"friends, though... right?" YOU BET YOUR ASS KING

"i will apologise to carlos. BUT YOU NEED TO CALL MADDOX" SO REAL THANK YOU BIG RED UR SUCH A KING

ashlyn stop doubting urself like GIRLIE everyone with EYES is down bad please. PLEASE.

WHY AM I WATCHING CARLOS AND MISS JENN HAVE A CRY SESSION ON SOME RANDOM ASS COUCH ???

why is rehearsals starting at 7 in the evening. that would not fucking slide at my school. ( if i ran a school) (not happening)

"FIFTY SIX MINUTES" girl even made me move tf?

KOURTNEY'S SHOES WHAT THE FUCK I NEED THEM RIGHT NOW

oh come on just hearing all of that she HAS to go to lewis

"i just learnt mack and gina are minors" GIRL ??? WHAT DID YOU THINK-

quinn shouting "CUT!!!" louder every time

"which felt like... nine days" WHY AM I LAUGHING

"because we're friends-" bro fuck off idc

GAG HIM G IT DONT MATTER

THINK OF THE MUSICAL GINA.

ricky PROMISED FR HE BETTER BE THERE

"hugs i love that we're doing this now!!" emmy I CANT NOT LOVE YOU

ASHLYN U MAKE THAT PHONE CALL THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I NEED MADLYN RN

oh fuck i didn't realise that left carlos and big red FUCK

suddenly i DON'T want to be here

carlos can never be fully mad like if i found out someone had kissed my partner im 100% going to jail bc im so pissed off & i've probably killed someone, but why is he saying mf "good day!!" as he stormed off

MADISON FUCK OFF I AM NOT IN THE MOOD

fuck im really gonna have to have madlyn dragged out for me ffs

bro what is this weather on about tho

last time weather was important to plot it was like. keeping nini back in s2 e3 LMAO ???

EJ saying some important shit to ricky and its gonna make me cry again (its not even the finale and i have 17 mins of run time left of this episode FFS)

"im actually hurting them?" "no, you're actually hurting yourself" HOLY FUCK IM TOO VULNERABLE FOR THIS

CASWEN HUG AND IM GONNA RUN WITH IT FR

"stealing my girlfriends" BYE I CANT DO THIS

[dreamii-yume]

so it really is milgram, but HARUKA? i thought you were gonna write for mikoto, i never expected haruka. don’t get me wrong though, i’ve always imagined what it’d be like seeing haruka as a yandere since he’s always yearning for love and he would do anything to get that affection, i thought he would be a perfect candidate for being a yandere. but i gave up before i searched on any fanfic with that specific concept, seeing on how small this fandom is and how he stated that he’s 17 (a lot of people would be against romancing him for that fact alone). you don’t know how excited i am to see his name on your latest sinfic 😭 tysm i’ll immediately get to reading tonight.

-🍂

Honey 🍂 You know me too much ☠️ I can’t keep surprises a secret in this relationship, can I ☠️ I hope you like the Sinfic, my love ♥︎

But yes lol I’ve only ever talked about Mikoto in this blog because he’s sexy and his music video was CRISP AF He’s the whole-ass reason I got into Milgram, I was thirsty and I needed MORE. Mikoto has that serial killer aesthetic that we all know and love, combined with the potential multiple-personality disorder bullshit going on haha But for some reason, no matter how much I thirst for him—His Yandere potential is so…Low?? I mean, it would still work, but I’m pretty damn confident of my Yandere Detecting eyes and can pretty much accurately calculate a character’s potential but with Mikoto?? I think he’ll be a pretty mid yandere lol Idk maybe that’s just my preference 🫠

Anyway—IKR with Haruka’s situation ☠️ Out of everyone in Milgram, Haruka has the most Yandere potential! Especially after his second trial, where he revealed the most disgusting case of mommy issues I’ve seen in anime 🤡 Why hasn’t anyone played with that concept yet?? I’m so confused 🫠 He doesn’t have to be romanticised too, he can also be a pretty intense Platonic Yandere so 👏 what’s 👏 not 👏 clicking 👏 everybody 👏

Also, I don’t want to argue with anyone but—I refuse to believe that Haruka is 17 ☠️ Maybe it’s my personal headcanon and aged him up in my mind for hornii, but with everything we know about him and the amount of times I studied his character, I’m convinced that he’s faking his age 👏 HE’S NOT EVEN SURE OF IT HIMSELF LOL

But like—I do admit that it’s a pretty far-fetched theory considering how Haruka has moments where he’s genuinely as clueless as a child. There’s things that people his age should already know by now like SPELLING HIS OWN NAME ☠️ His music video lyrics and his written answers are all mostly written in simplistic hiragana which is something that tend to only be used by young kids who are just learning Japanese…So, maybe claiming that “faking” these things would be too harsh of a statement lol

great now i just feel like an asshole who’s making of fun of him IM SORRY THATS NOT WHAT IM TRYING TO DO I SWEAR

[deliciouspirateangel]

random thoughts on the first two eps of cruel summer s2 dont spoilers open inside

so im watching with my sister of course and we also rewatched s1 together and wow. we were going back over summaries of the show that were like "two sides to the story, who will you believe?" as if we were ever supposed to be on jeanette's side. the thought is sooo laughable its sad

anyway in that same vein we're also both automatically for isabella and against megan (bc you have to choose sides you cant like two characters at once duh) like isabella has been in town for 6.3 seconds and megan already hates her and is also snooping thru her stuff like ??? get a grip get a life and get over it

and then my sister asked me which character i thought would have the unnecessary gay subplot this season and now we're scared its gonna be megan lmao. that one shot with the fireworks and the song playing and megan staring at isabella had us like uh oh

bc my god that gay relationship was the least necessary subplot of the first season it was so bad. not that it needs to be relevant but they treated it like it was lmao. and the mallory/kate thing was fine but so rushed so idk these writers dont do justice to queer. id rather be spared

the "twist" of the first ep was something we saw coming a mile away lmao. youre supposed to think isabella is dead and i was like "if she is dead then no she's not it's her twin sister" and then it showed that missing persons poster with the person torn off and my sister was like "i bet its the guy friend" and i was like ooh yeah you're right it's the guy friend

and then they unzip the body bag and are like "it's guy friend" and we were immediately like no tf it's not let me see the body!! so idk why the dad would lie or misidentify the body maybe they wanted to save money on special effects so they didnt show it but we still think something is fishy idk

and since me and my sister share one brain cell we both got the idea that isabella is like brenda song's character in stuck in the suburbs. if you dont understand then idk what to tell you </3 basically she's just hyping up her life but its mostly a lie idk

and omg the bullshit about that video was so gross. again one brain cell after the first ep we were like "you couldnt even see the person in the video i bet it wasnt even her!" well surprise

and isabella taking the blame anyway bc megan could lose her scholarship and get suspended from school like ??? why should this involve the school ewww and of COURSE misogyny and misogynoir and of course no one can say or do shit to the boy in the video bc his daddy owns half the town bleh

even a year later when she's in college like the whole town still believes this lie that could ruin isabella like ??? yall just tell omg. i think they at least mentioned the fact that she was underage and that constitutes as cp but goddamn no one in shows ever cares

like literally the guy's dad who owns half the town couldve spoken up like "i know my son isnt going to get in trouble for any of this so i dont think the girl in the video should either" but no lets get the whole town to hate her

i think the dad killed his son idk thats my guess

the show isnt great but at least its fun lol what do YOU guys think is gonna happen this season??? hmu

[kaidenshenandoahknapp]

this was an absurd amount of effort for what was ultimately an offhanded-joke but i needed to procrasinate lmao

if you watched @henrykathman's "Melody of Moominvalley" stream, (hi, hello, i made the thumbnail art, that was a cool surprise to see in my sub-box lol) Kathman made a comment about being glad no one has made him into a Moomintroll (or Snorktroll, i guess) because he thinks he would look like Snork

i had two thoughts in reply to this VOD:

that's probably because i would assume most video-essayist are on the spectrum of Hemulans (oversimplification: academics) to Teety-Woo/Woodies (oversimplification: big fans, arguably obsessive). you're probably more of a Hemulan? based on how you present yourself in videos? idk, i dont know you in your personal life lmao Hemulan just seems likely considering the hobby being so analytical (and also is easier for me to look at the different styles of since Woodies seem to have less general rules towards their appearance. and Teety-Woo is the only one of its kind that i know of, idk what is Teety-Woo's species and what is Teety-Woo's individuality there. but, like, that's not nearly as fun as my bullshit quiz lmao)

fucking bet

*: assets in not-gif form below Read More

(psa: please do forgive me for misspellings. i am dyslexic and will probably edit this repeatedly for quite some time, but im tired atm so Now It Is Posted)

anyway, i whipped all these up in about 2 or 3 days? idk, my chronic health issues have been a monster lately, its hard to keep track of days rn

but i made:

comics Moomintroll/Snorktroll

90s Moomintroll/Snorktroll and Hemulan

Tales From Moominvalley inspired illustration art of Hemulan where it has those lifeless "bug eyes with tiny pupils" style i love (but that i also understand why Jansson went back and gave them bigger pupils after a certain edition, and drew with more expressive eyes after a while)

why did i do three different styles + 3 different species? because i was torn on which to do and ended up pulling a classic Kaiden-Shenandoah and going "ill do more work and let them choose which one they like best". something something anxiety, i dont know what to tell you, im trying to learn self-acceptance lmao besides, it was fun to do a quicker shuft through style changes than the usual heavier studying i make Google Images help me do

speaking of, i dont often share my references because i worry about clutter, but i want to include it today and i also used less ref than usual, so you get clutter lol

(i learned last time that Tove Jansson doesn' often draw mugs; so i did my best guesses based on the references here + the result of my references the last time i drew in Jansson' style, which was more so her later novel-illustrations, if i remember right, as opposed to today. lots of best guesses today.)

first of all, i guessed on Kathman's eye-color based on zooming in and it was too pixelated to tell for sure even with the eyedropped tool. secondly, very fun tying in the blue hair dye since 90s Snork has a pink edge to his hair and Mr Hemulan has a green edge to his. last of all: i made them with (and without) a light beard/stubble, since i saw Kathman has one now. but also that was enirely guesswork on my part: Tove Jansson drew heavy-duty moustaches/beards or completely facially-hairless characters, no in-between. so i used educated guesses on how to adapt that. and i feel a bit like i did the male version of that one Snorkmaiden lipstick comic for my efforts lmao but hey! i tried!

my only thing is idk which set to upload to instagram, bc doing all the assets of with/out facial hair feels oddly excessive and maybe goes past instagram's images-per-post limit, idk, ill upload these there someday i guess. really wish instagram would let me post a gif but idk how to do that. c'est la vie

you also may notice one of the Hemulan sets includes a magnifying glass. i just thought it was thematically appropriate for someone analytical, especially since one of my references above did have it available for me to also reference lol

as a fun detail, i did a more Police Inspector color palette for the 90s Hemulan design, and a more Moominpappa palette for the 90s Moomintroll/Snorktroll designs. hence why those colors aren't the same

and the last thing is that i made the comic assets yellow-y to reflect the aging of paper and the quality of the photo references i have. (Henry Kathman, if you want to edit them to be white for the aesthetic of something, feel totally free)

here's all the assets i made in total. the gif version felt the most succint but yeah. also, Henry Kathman, if you are reading this: same rules apply. feel free to use these in anything you want, credit would be nice. (also, very sweet that you saw my name change away from my childhood nickname, i appreciate that 🫶). credit in the future can be to either here or my instagram (which i changed to match this hyphen-less url, since tumblr terminated my last blog for unknown reasons) i hope you are not upset that i went against your wishes of gratitude that nobody had drawn you as a Moomintroll/Snorktroll, but i hope the fact that i think you don't look like Snork even as a Moomintroll/Snorktroll helps. i hope you also dont mind the Hemulan additions lmao. but yeah, i wont blame you if you prefer the more human (or arguably Mymble? idk species) style i did beforehand in the last batch and don't use these. that one has way more references with lots of drafts and this is more of me messing around and finalizing the first draft i made each time around lol but i think they came out fun! very silly distraction, thanks for the idea lmao

thanks to Henry Kathman for the fun VOD and the much-(un)needed procrastination excuse. it was a good distraction from a pretty bad flare-up in my disability and a full plte of things to do that i needed an escape from. hope youre having a great day!

[andvys]

OKAY LETS GO

While Gareth and Frankie were prepared for your little plan, the rest of your friends had no idea what you were about to do. You were glad that Wayne left a few minutes before you though, you don’t want to give that poor man a heart attack. 

idk why but i read gwyneth instead of gareth and now he's gonna be gwyneth paltrow in my head

“Oh,” Eddie laughs, scratching the back of his neck, “well, just stuff we did before..” 

gay icons fr

“I’m really proud of you, man. You made it, you made your dreams come true and you found the girl. You’re living the life, Eds.”

he's living our dream life 😔

Eddie was always a bit emotional, tears always welled up in his eyes easily, his father always made him feel weak for crying, ‘men don’t cry’. It’s bullshit and luckily, Eddie always knew that. He never listened to the things his father told him, he wasn’t exactly a great example anyways. He never lived by the things he tries to teach him, he wanted to be nothing like him. 

AWWWW :(((

“Okay,” you shrug, “you better get in the shower, I’m not sleeping next to your sweaty ass.” 

SHES SUCH A MENACE SHE JUST KEEPS DRAGGING THEM LMAO

He nods, grinning at you as he takes his sweater off, folding it neatly on the couch, his jeans following. 

🤨 proof? 📸

“I liked Eddie,” he admits, the lingering sadness in his eyes makes you frown, “but uh, I wasn’t really aware of my feelings back then– well, I was but I wasn’t very acceptive of them. I knew we would never work out so I never tried anything. We were close, we did things together that I certainly wouldn’t do with other friends but he never showed me that he would actually want anything more than that and I was clearly too scared to make a move.”

oh that's so sad :(

As you lay here between two people that mean everything to you, you realize that things aren’t as bad as you thought they would be. Your friends here, they came here just for you. Steve is here, his presence calms you and most importantly, you have him. 

THE STEDDIE SANDWICH I REPEAT. THE STEDDIE SANDWICH 😳😳

“What’s up with you, smiley?” Eddie asks. 

I READ THAT AS SMELLY 😭 i thought my eyesight got worse and it's quite obvious now 😭

“Sounds like the title of a bad porn movie,” Eddie chuckles in amusement. 

I WAS ABOUT TO SAY 💀💀

You hated saying goodbye to Steve, again but he promised to come to Los Angeles when the tour is over. 

bye steve :(

“Yes, just like that!” The photographer, Phil, yells. “Give us more, girl.” 

phil is my new favorite character

“Did he just say male model?” Steve gasps. 

me and steve are grabbing popcorn rn

The corset hugs your waist and your chest tightly, the tiny little skirt does absolutely nothing to cover your ass and of course, they made you wear a fucking thong. The stockings on your legs and the high heels make you look dangerous. 

im phil suddenly 😳📸

“Every time someone looks at you or even touches you, I wanna rip their fucking hands off.” 

oh 🤨 pls don't tho 😁

That feeling of nausea has been haunting you for the past two weeks, every morning and night, you feel like you’re about to puke your guts out but nothing ever comes out. You barely eat, you struggle to do so. Every time you even bite into something, the bile in your throat rises and the panic settles in your chest– that weird feeling when you know you’re about to throw up. 

oh fuck no

“Hey sweet thing, long time no see,” he smiles. His eyes stop at the hand attached to your hip and he chuckles a little before he looks at Eddie who clenches his jaw at the pet name. 

fuck that guy 😐

One, the stupid baggie that contains that white powder that will definitely ruin your life. 

OH NO

He stares at the two lines, positive. 

NO WHAT. WHAT. NOOO WHAT 😳😳😳 girl FUCK THEM KIDS 😭 WHAT IS GOING ON

ANDY WHAT THE HELL!! YOURE KILLING ME WITH THESE CHAPTERS OMGGG i loved this one so so much 🥹 even though it was full of surprises it was so nice to read 🫶 amazing as always!!

YOUR REACTIONS MADE ME LAUGH LIKE ALWAYS 😭

NOT GWYNETH LMAO! that's his new name now😌

the gay icons never made it :( ugh they should've dated and then added reader to the relationship, Eddie that dumbass 😔

NOT SMELLY ✋🏻😭

Should we bring back Phil? He needs to take photos of the gay icons

"FUCK THEM KIDS" HAHA I'm sorry, Steve came too hard 😭

I'm happy you liked it🥺❤️

[deadass-pool]

january 8, 2023 - new year; new problems

soooooo,,,,, past blog entry did not AGE well... here’s the thing, i’m writing this as i am currently experiencing a pregnancy scare. NOW, now, NOWWW..... i get what you’re thinking, “yo, what the fuck?”, look i can explain. alot has happened the past 2 months that i was QUIET on here, and i did not tell my friends neither have i told YOU anything... so here’s what happend:

november: - i lost my idgaf war, i was hung up on the same guy that i was talking about from my past blog

- i was soooooo hung up and i wanted to move past this attachment that i reinstalled the same dating app where i met him. have i told yall that i’m still in contact with him the entire time? except he was so full of bullshit and i was tolerating that because,,, well... i’M DUMB!

- ENTER the guy who i knew from twitter. he is very funny and im a fan of him and we matched on the app, anyways it was a short encounter. i was intimidated by him because i felt like i didnt pass his vibe check. i wanted to be his friend because he is very funny and cool so like, i was very devastated when the last message in our conversation was me and he just liked my text. (mind you, we had a long conversation, i’m just anxious because hes very cool so i just straight up dipped out of slightly “out of vibes” reaction which is liking the message)

- friend saw me on the dating app and announced it while we were drinking, i was embarrassed so i deleted the app

- guy from twitter had a hit tweet, i replied as a joke, i thought he wouldnt recognize me anyways he dmed me and asked me why i left the app SO I WAS SURPRISED BECAUSE HE NOTICED !!! my ego skyrocketed like crazy. i forgot to let you know guy on twitter is well known, basically a micro internet niche celebrity idk

- i am now talking to 2 men at once: guy from my elementary school & guy from twitter. anyways, fast forward to whatever the fuck was going on, guy from elementary was slowly losing interest or whatever, we were still sexual but our conversation started limiting to just sex and it was starting to get tiring but im still hooked up for his attention and everything and im so so so stupid compared to guy from twitter whos very decent to talk to 

- i ended up planning to see guy from twitter AND guy from elementary. except the latter never went with his words and boy oh boy the former did

SOOOOOO...............

december:

- im still HUNG UP ON HIM HE ENDED THINGS ON MY BIRTHDAY I WAS SO FUCKING BGSHHGBSHDGBSHFBSHDF SO SO SO 1!!!!! upset and sad and yea wtf was that he never let me speak about it he just apologized and said happy birthday and IM SO FUCKING SAD AND BROKENHEAWRTED I WAS DRUNK ON MY BDAY 

- anyways still hung up on him i lost my virginity to guy from twitter and that was the biggest plot twist because out of everyone i didnt think i would be hooking up with him especially when i used to just see him have hit posts all the time on the tl (if u want tmi he is very good in bed i orgasmed lots)

- still in contact with guy from twitter hes ok we r friends hes cool hes nice i do not feel any attachment towards him idk where that attached virgin stereotype came from 

- found out guy from elementary went back to his ex before december ended and i was so annoyed and pissed because he couldve just told me instead of leaving me hanging and not letting me speak jfc 

anyways i think i left a few details here and there and now, i am typing this, days before my supposed period, it’s the 21st day of my cycle and i am INCREDIBLY ANXIOUS because i just realized i had sex BEFORE MY OVULATION and now i could not stop hitting myself with my pillow and praying to the lord BECAUSE I HAVE SO SO SO MANY PLANS AND SO MUCH DREAMS THAT I NEED TO REACH!!!!!! like it’s so embarrassing already to just lose your virginity at 23 WHAT’S MORE EMBARRASSING IS GETTING PREGNANT AT THE FIRST TIME!!!! i do not want that neither do i want to mother a child that’s goinna turn out of a mess just like i am!!! on god please for the love oF GOD GIVE ME MY PERIOD I AM SO STRESSED I CANT HANDLE THIS ANYMORE I HAVE A CAREER THAT I’VE BEEN FOCUSING ON LATELY 

ok that’s it

sincerely,

me

[wizkiddx]

hiii!!! omg please please pleasee do a part two of 3 hearts broken cus it fucking slaps miss girl

part 2 to 3 broken hearts!!! ive been so 🥺 at all the lovely comments+interest pt 1 had so thanku all !

summary: serious serious angst again will tom somehow get it back (unlike looking cos boy is a fool)

warnings: again lots of swearing (im British sorry not sorry) / wayyyy too much tea / slating Dom abit (obvs fictional but idk if I like the guy sorry his opinions are :/) / commitment issues

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

read part 1 here!!!!

That was three days ago now. Three days since you'd spoken to your boyfrien- well, Tom. It wasn't evident what the situation was.

The typical British weather brought with it the most ironic pathetic fallacy you could ever see. The clouds were dark and glooming, firing angry pellets of rain out as hard as they could. When you had pulled up on the roadside, it had just been a light drizzle but synchronised with your anxiety levels rising - so did the rain. When you finally opened up the car door, you threw your hoodie open with a sigh before running up the pathway to the front door.

It was the same burgundy red that you knew so well, but this time instead of just letting yourself in - you stood in the rain used the brass knocker thing twice. To be honest, you were hoping that no one was home - but in that house, it was pretty unlikely. After 30 seconds of getting drenched in the downpour, you were about to let yourself in with the spare key before the door swung open.

"Oh! Er Y/n?"

"Yeh um hi." You had to shout a bit over the sound of what must now be classified as a storm.

"Toms not-"

"I know. Can I come in?" As awkward and stunted as this conversation was, if you didn't get out of the rain asap you would literally end up drowned.

“Oh er yeh-yeh yeh come in.”

Harry stammered as he held the door open, gesturing for you to enter into the tiled hallway. Gratefully, you followed, throwing your sopping wet hood back down and wiping your feet on the floor.

"Sorry for just showing up, but I left some scripts here. My management are on my arse to read them and-"

"And you waited till Tom left for mum and dads?" The fluffy-haired boy has caught you red-handed; there was no defence, so you didn't even try.

Because yes, you knew on a Friday afternoon when Tom was home he would always, like clockwork, go to his parents just to kick back and watch gogglebox with both of them. It was only natural then that you chose Friday afternoon to come and pick up your stuff.

"I've been waiting in my car for half an hour till I saw him leave." Harry half laughed at that, still the two of you standing opposite each other in the hallway. "Um, do you… do you hate me Harry?"

Clearly, he hadn't quite been expecting your question going by the way his eyes almost bugged out his head.

"No, I-I, of course, I don't… look, I'm home alone so you fancy a cuppa?" Not being able to help the small chuckle, you nodded appreciatively, following Harry through the house.

"Your answer to everything is tea."

Harry had prepared the two mugs in silence as you sat at the table waiting patiently - if nervously too. You didn't miss how Harry had still used your favourite mug, having had to dig through the cupboard to find the weird square-shaped thing. Once done, he rounded the kitchen island and placed it in front of you, which you instantly cradled in two hands - for the hope of warming you up.

"You cold?" Obviously, it was pretty evident that sitting in your rain-soaked hoodie was not cosy at all. "Hang on a sec."

The boy sprung up again, returning moments later with a hoodie in hand, one he offered out to you with a little smile. The issue was that him and Tom shared clothes, so the hoodie he was kindly offering to you also had been worn by Tom before. Which made it hurt a little bit to wear. It was better than sitting soaked through though.

"How have you been then?"

"Not the best, to be honest, but uh… how about you?"

"Being with Tom while he's fighting with you? Oh, it's a barrel of laughs. You might've escaped it, but I haven't." He was trying to lighten the mood, and you appreciated it, offering him a half-smile that didn't really meet your eyes.

"Yeh sorry about that."

"Don't apologise; it doesn't sound like it's your fault Y/n."

That surprised you. Tom, especially when he was in moods like he was when you argued, wasn't one to admit when he was wrong. It was usually how the world was against him and how he was so hard done by. Accepting responsibility was something he hadn't said to you yet - but at least, small steps.

"He say that?"

"Pretty much… doesn't seem like he's angry at you, but-but he's still angry."

"At the world?" You rolled your eyes; this seemed to be the same old Tom through and through. Still immature. Still not with the right mindset.

"At himself." Harry countered, slightly entertained, when he saw the flash of surprise in your face as he sipped his drink. "And me… if I dare to so much as breathe this week."

This time you properly laughed, and Harry joined in too before the room fell back to silence - except the noise of the rain hitting the garden patio slats. You swirled the tea round in your mug, feeling the brunette's eyes on you. He'd always been your fake little brother too, since you'd met the Hollands way back 3 and a half years ago. Tom and yourself were barely adults, which meant the twins were still proper children. Harry had always been the one that understood you. Hollands, by nature, loved humans - loved to talk, to chat, to gossip. But sometimes, doing all that socialising got too much for you, as it did for Harry. He was the only one that seemed to understand social exhaustion. So when those moments had hit, you'd kept each other company in silence.

He got you, sometimes in ways your own boyfriend didn't.

"You know why he got so worked up, right?" You shook your head, looking up curiously. "Dad got under his skin on his birthday zoom thing."

Ah, now that did seem to coincide with the start of Tom's more petulant phase. To be fair, Tom had been asking to move in together for near enough a year now - but it was only in the past month it seemed to be the only thing you'd talk about and obviously only three days since the flight back. Dom's birthday barely a week ago, whilst you and Tom were both filming - except Tom had managed to get a day off where you hadn't. So you hadn't heard this conversation.

"What'd he say?"

"Was talking about how he and mum were settling down at Toms age, joked about how you rejected him, said maybe you were holding out for something better."

"Something better?" Harry sighed, leaning forward onto his elbows.

"He'd seen an article just off a trashy tabloid… it named you Hollywood's golden girl or something, said you could have the pick of any person on the planet…"

Of all the people in the world, why is Tom affected by shit journalism? He knows how much bullshit people write. He knows how it's all made up, exaggerated nonsense. And what he should know, completely and totally, is how much you love him. And if he didn't, was that your fault? Had you done something wrong, something to make him doubt you?

Harry seemed to notice the internal dialogue going on in your head, adding to the point. "It wasn't the article though, it was the fact dad said it."

Hmmm.

You and Dom got on; it wasn't like you hated the possible future father in law or whatever. Just…. you had very different outlooks. As much as Tom prided himself on how' grounded his family keeps him' -to you at least, they aren't entirely at sea level either. They'd never really had any particular struggles in life. They were the definition of middle class, and that's about it. They lived in a posh suburb of London, had all their family still around. It was the perfect family.

And whilst you were in no illusions about how privileged your life was now. It hadn't always been. You'd never had the 'nuclear' family. Instead, only your dad and a string of dodgy and fleeting stepmothers while struggling to make ends meet. So you were just always wary of Dom, of his opinions that so often his boys took for gospel. They always seemed pretty sheltered and close-minded.

And yet, Tom was a grown man.

"I get that, I just… Tom should know that we know more about our relationship than his dad. I mean,… have I done something wrong? Made him think I'm not in this for the long haul?"

"No nonono Y/n he's just… well he's an idiot, isn't he? I don't think he properly understands why you're cautious about moving and everything. He's just an idio- "

Harry was cut off for lightly insulting his brother by the sound of the front door opening, both of your heads swivelling towards the source. You then met Harry's eyes in a panic, to which he replied relatively simply.

"Just talk to each other. For my sake." You would've argued if it weren't for the fact you were so focused on Tom's shuffling around in the entrance hallway - back early from his parents.

"Baz? Where you at? I thought I saw Y/n's car and-"

"Kitchen!!!" Before Tom could say anything else, possibly landing himself in more trouble, Harry interrupted as his chair screeched while standing up. And then Tom was just there. Standing in the doorway, his arms dropping limply to his side as he noticed you. Everything about that moment seemed to freeze, when you locked eyes with him for the first time in three days. It didn't go unnoticed, the way his Adams apple bobbed, the way his eyes widen. The boy looked plain and simply terrified.

It was Harry who broke the silence, after giving you a stern look that said 'stay'. The younger Holland boy walked up to Tom and spoke.

"Try actually talking and actually listening about your problems with each other." And then he was gone, down the hallway and up the stairs.

For a few moments, Tom stayed absolutely stationary, now staring at where Harry had been when speaking to the both of you (but mainly Tom). Long enough to put your sense of unease at an all-time high, ready to make a break for it.

"If you don't want to talk, then I can leav-"

"NO!" Apparently snapping out of it, Tom exclaimed loud enough to make you flinch from your seat. "Sorry! I-I just… I wasn't expecting to… you know, to see you."

"Yeh I just uh- just came to pick up some scripts… Harry cornered me with a tea, though; otherwise, I'd be…."

"Baz thinks the whole world could be fixed with tea."

"that's what I said!" You instinctively responded, forgetting the fact you're supposed to be mad at him, and just for a second falling back into your normal flow.

Tom didn't even try to hide his grin in response, until you quickly corrected your face- then he did too. Turning around to put the kettle on for himself. Because right now, he needed to fix his whole world, and he needed all the help he could get. For a period, the only noise was the sound of the kettle boiling, then the teaspoon clinking against the mug as he stirred - until he padded over, taking the seat across from you.

"So."

"So."

"It's been a while," Tom stated the bloody obvious.

"You never called."

"Didn't think you'd want me to."

You thought that the early signs weren't all that auspicious. His ability to read a situation once again failing.

"I wanted you to say something."

"Say what?"

"What do you think Tom?" He replied to the sarcastic tone by sucking in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, before slowly exhaling. As if trying to compose himself, take time to think of a response - a mature move for him.

"Well, I think you want me to say sorry? For being so moody and not waiting for you and for upsetting those kids. And thanks too, for covering for me?"

You just hummed. Waiting for him to continue. Because yes, you did deserve all those things. But you also deserved more. An apology for, oh I don't know, saying he didn't think you loved him? It was a wait that never ended, he had nothing more to add.

"Going by your face, I take it I missed something?"

The bloody cheek of it.

"Theres nothing else? Nothing else at all? …" You gave him that chance, the opportunity but all he could respond with was a shake of his head. "You thought I was fine about you saying that I don't love you?" You hadn't intended on raising your voice, but really you hadn't realised you did till after the fact. To blinded by rage at his ignorance.

"You want to talk about this now?"

"When else Tom?" You sighed, realising he perhaps wasn't ready for this conversation. Maybe he needed more time to think things through, have sense talked into him by various wiser family members. Or maybe, he never would be. That was the worst-case scenario. But also… you're most likely prediction.

He shuffled in his seat, clearing his voice but not saying anything. Not a peep.

"I have spent three years of my life with you. I've had countless nights of too little sleep because that was the only time you could facetime. I've exposed my relationship to the world and people's opinions because you didn't want to hide. All I've done is love you. How could you even say that?" There might've been tears in your eyes, yet you were determined to keep them at bay. You needed to have this out, one way or another, to be clear and cohesive and logical. No time to cry.

"Y/n I know that, I…" He sighed, instinctively reaching for your hand, but you were quicker to pull it away. There was hurt in his eyes, but so there should be. "It just sometimes feels like that's it for you. That yeh you love me but you just want to standstill. That this is as much as it'll ever be."

Your emotions were suddenly uncontainable. Your voice croaked as you whispered, "Have I done something wrong?"

"No love, nonono if that's how you feel then that's okay. But it's something I'm not… shit this is hard." He took a pause to take a sip of his drink, your glazed eyes never leaving his. "I don't think I can stand still anymore. And yeh I was pissy and childish the other day because my dad got under my skin about the whole moving in thing… But these past few days, it just has got me thinking. Because I love you, so much."

This time when he reached out to grab your hand, you actually leaned into it yourself. Not because you were giving in, but because this hurt. This hurt so fucking much that you needed something to ground you, or else god knows. Because the way he was speaking, it sounded so finite.

"I love you too."

"I do know, which is…is why this is so hard." At the very least, Tom had conceded that.

The conversation ceased to silence yet again. The room felt so cold; even Tom/Harry's hoodie was doing nothing to keep you from the endless empty cold that seemed to be coming from within.

"When I re-registered my health card last month, and I made you my emergency contact on it. I-I made you my next of kin on everything actually. I didn't think about it twice. And-and this-"You pulled your phone out of your back pocket, immediately pulling up the app onto the open page. "This is my Pinterest board for our baby's nursery theme. I know-" You paused, to quickly wipe your cheeks clear of the tear tracks that may or may not have been there. "I know it's probably a long way away, but I just love the Scandinavian theme." You laughed at yourself, suddenly embarrassed at your blabbering and quickly pulled up a different app. "And this… this was from the other week when I was helping Y/bf/n start her vows." Hands trembling as you turned the phone around for Tom to see again. "She was finding it really tricky so she said, what would you say to Tom on your wedding, so-so I made this list." You only dared to look at him when you were sure he'd be reading through that note.

It was bizarre because he looked… well, he looked happy. Here you were feeling traumatised, showing things that you'd barely even deeped how committed they were - and he was pleased? Feeling the fire burn once again inside of your chest, you quickly swiped the phone away and back into your pocket. Only then did he look up, eyes widening - presumably at quite how psychotic you looked.

"So don't you dare say that I don't want a future with you."

You said it with such force, there was a pause. Tom letting those words sink deep into his brain. The way his expression flickered minutely gave you hope. You thought he got it. You thought he really understood now.

"But why don't you want to move in then?"

There it was again. He knew why. But he didn't get it. And, probably, he never would.

You were about to crash completely. So you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you, not even aware of your chair crashing to the floor in your wake. You ran out of that house and away from him. Away from who you had thought was the love of your life.

?give tom a final chance w one last part?

feedback is always v v appreciated <3

tom taglist : @lovehollandy12 @hollandlover19 @thefernandasantana @hunnybunimdun @hallecarey1@cedricdiggorysimpp @msmimimerton @hollandfanficlove @pandaxnienke @crossyourpeter @thegirlwiththeimpala @tom-softie @sunwardsss @spiitfiiires @radcloudenthusiast @ladykxxx08

people i think might be interestd in this (sorry if not just let me know and i'll remove the tag!!!): @obiwanownsmyass @wildxwidow @parkersvogue @coffeewithoutcaffeine @tomhollandlol @thefallenbibliophilequote @clumsymandu @hiraethenthusiast @mannien @abrielleholland @evermorehabit @niallberry @greatpizzascissorstaco @runawayolives @annathesillyfriend @letsgotothemoonlight @lovelybarnes

[thot-writes]

girlies idk if any of nyall have played tailor tales but im playing it rn bc apparently this one dude (dimitri) is supposed to be “””submissive””” but …. i have so many thoughts abt this im gonna rant

SPOILERS FOR TAILOR TALES DIMITRI ROUTE

ok im not finished yet but im in the climax (haha) of the story and girls girls girls i am so fuckin peeved off

first of all!!! 1) i would not call this a submissive route by a long shot. it still has every single otome trope of “omg he’s a man…” “he so tall and strong 😳😳” “it’s kinda weird that im 4 years older than him 😖”

like yes he’s shy and blushes a lot but that’s lichrally like the only submissive trait about him? once he gets horned up he “”switches your positions”” and becomes dominant, holding ur wrists down and shit and im sitting here tapping my watch like that judge judy gif waiting for an opportunity to be a dominant MC in my dominant MC route. like what?? who could possibly think that he’s submissive in this route??

2) when MC’s crusty ex boyfriend & his gf come harassing the MC for some reason her dumb ass thinks it’s “a bit excessive” to get security cameras inside and outside her boutique?? bitch huh?? they’re sending u mail and wrecking ur flowers and shredding ur packages and u think it’s a bit excessive??? first one to die in a horror movie syndrome right here girls

3) i get that some people like this but i HAAATE the slow burn “why am i jealous of him hanging out w other girls?” “why am i flustered when he’s shirtless?” type bullshit like im curious are people actually that dumb irl?? like babe ur either horny or in love it’s not fucking rocket science

4) on top of this, dimitri has shown very clear signs that he likes the MC. he even skraight up blurts out “i like you!” like despite the fact he retracts that and covers it up with some dumb “i mean ur a girl and i like girls” excuse im like PLEASE. USE UR BRAIN.

he takes pics of you, he blushes all the time around u, he likes it when u tease him and not ur alpha bestie sarah (god i wish we were sarah), HE HAS A PIC OF U TWO AS HIS SCREENSAVER, and MC is STILL like “wow… does he like me?? am i crazy??”

like yes bitch. ur crazy, but not for the reason u think. ur crazy for being SO DAMN OBLIVIOUS that even dimitri smacking u in the face with a neon sign that says “im in love with u” wouldn’t be enough to convince u!!

5) MC’s too polite 👿 when i think dominant i think someone who’s not afraid to stand up for shit when they think it’s right, and when dimitri gets slapped by his own mother instead of beating her senile ass into mince meat you’re STILL CORDIAL WITH HER???!!!

i’d be dragging her out of my damn shop by her karen haircut i can tell u that fucking much!!

6) on top of all that….. keep in mind that MC and dimitri have made out like four times at this point and just a few minutes earlier dimitri LITERALLY SAID “you’re special to me” SOMEHOW AIRHEAD MC IS STILL SURPRISED WHEN HE CONFESSES HIS LOVE FOR HER!!???!!!??

i seriously…. im … fucking seriously i couldn’t. there have been so many points in this story where im like “bitch are you dumb?” but this was takemichi-throwing-away-his-only-weapon-in-a-gang-fight dumb. as in i had to literally stand up from my computer, pace my room, and contemplate my existence because i just don’t understand what the fuck is going on in here on this day

i got so frustrated from that moment that that’s what spurred me to write this rant. i lichrally don’t think i could calm down otherwise because i am just in absolute awe at the sheer brainlessness of this MC. the current line of dialogue that remains frozen on my screen is “He what now?!”

also just an unrelated pet peeve but man i wish people who were horny for each other would just fuckin act on it more. MC is mad horny for dimitri and she just criticises herself for being a “horny teenager” when she’s only twenty-fucking-three dude??? does MC think that 23 year olds don’t fuck??? why is she acting like she’s retirement age or some shit?? fuck it, even old cunts in retirement are getting pussy! why does she think it’s so shameful to be horny as a 23 YEAR OLD???!!!

don’t get me wrong though. i still like the game, i love the fashion maker part of it and indie games w this much effort should always be supported imo. but im just disappointed that i went into this game expecting it to be a different spin on the same tired otome tropes we’ve seen over and over and instead it’s just regurgitating every single cliche

absolutely no hate on the dev(s?) this is just my critique of it— calling dimitri a submissive route just bc he blushes & can cook is a complete wrong move. he’s not submissive, MC is not dominant (just cheeky), and i doubt any predominantly dom fans would see them as such. the entire route gives me the vibe of “a predominantly submissive person trying — and failing — to write a dominant one”

no shame or shade if u can’t do that btw, we all have our strengths, im sure i would suck shit at writing a submissive MC if i were making an otome. but it’s like… either commit to the bit and learn how to write dominant MCs better, or stick to ur strengths and continue writing submissive ones.

anyway sorry for the wall of text i just had to vent my frustrations. it is SEVERELY disheartening to get ur hopes up for some good rep and instead getting….. whatever this is

that being said if anyone of nyall like fashion and don’t mind being a *cough* sub *cough* i do recommend tailor tales, it’s on steam for anyone who’s interested!

[in-ky]

Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster  and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[ratbutmakeitfyodor]

I know how many of byler shippers are annoyed that will's crush and basicaly every conversation he had with mike (where he was kinda lying because he was talking abt himself) made mike and el got back together. Look i get it im annoyed too. But its not bc i think that will having crush on mike is a bad scenario choise or the way they made him handle the situation is bad. No i think that wills character is one of the best of them all. S4 made me fall in love with him.

Steves crush on nancy is forced and unrealistic as well as nancys idk supposed feelings for him? Guys its the biggest bullshit ive ever seen. Nancys and johnatans fight is also very random created only to give some place for stancy. Im sorry but i didnt care much about jopper this season this ship was kinda cute in s1 and s2 (a little) but later on it was just jeah they'll end up together at some point and i dont care its ok. I also dislike hopper a bit - his anger outbrusts are too much for me despite his huge heart and stuff. Dustin and susie - i dont care. Dustin is amazing suzie is a boring character used only whan theyre having trouble. Max and lucas - they are nice s4 made me like max more and this scene in hounted house was awesome and cute. But they are lacking the tension bc we know somewhere in back of our heads that they'll end up together and drama is needed to build up both of their characters and it works (not like this s3 painfull drama to teach mike a lesson about beeing posesive - i didint learn much abt max and lucas then)

I think that finally will's character is treated seriously in s4. In s1 and s2 he was just in danger and everyone tried to save him. In s3 he had some place to be annoyed and sad but again all of his problems vanished as soon as they found out about mind flayer. In s4 noah shnapp is doing AMAZING job making will constantly on werge of crying (and it somehow isnt too much which dropped my mouth on the floor. Dont underestimate that! Usually characters that cry everytime theyre having a convo with anyone are annoying and you just wish they shut up but not will)

If we look at all those small details and clues the show kept giving us about wills sexuality (like people bulling him and laughing at him in s1 calling him homophobic slurs, him looking at mike before dancing with a girl on a snow ball in s2, mike saying is not his fault that will doesnt like girls in s3, that weird ass feet flirt? (gross) and wills presentation about alan truing in s4 for example) it gives us a good amount of reasons that it isnt just a part of his character like it was with robin in s3. The coming out scene wasnt like a confirmation of some obvious clues or shit. Her character wasnt about beeing gay it was about beeing a person and beeing gay. Which is huge difference. As a fan of casual representation i was very satified with steves and robins thread in s3 because i already loved them before the coming out scene (and its also a reason why im disapointed with it in s4 because they threw away the importance of their friendship and focused on romance instead which has been done wery poorly) But will also isnt just gay. He's a very confused child focusing on figuring out who he is. Its more like a heartstopper kind of storyline but he has no one to talk about it no one to support him like openly without just guessing what he is going throught. He doesnt have 'am i gay quiz' or any kind of people like him he can talk to. Instead he has a crush on an absolute asshole (I will get to that soon) and mindset of puting others before him. So it shouldnt be a surprise that he does everything he can to support and help mike. And look at him HE CRIES ALMOST EVERY TIME the emotions inside are taking him over. The problem isnt the plot isnt the crush isnt will's character its mike

What in the fucks sake happend to him over the seasons? In s1 and 2 i belived that he is nice he is caring that he is a heart of a group. He was a GOOD FRIEND. But now show has to desperately remind us about all this stuff because he himself isnt. Since s3 he is just revolving around el. All the time no place for anyone else there. Well maybe they are buliding up like a sudden realisation scene where mike will realise what this relationship was doing with him or something. But guess what HE WON'T why? BECAUSE HE IS UNABLE TO FIGURE OUT HIS FLAWS HIMSELF or read basic signals from his friends that he's hurting them. So maybe in s5 someone (probably Will) will have to put some sences into that oblivious mind of his (i hope will will be yellig) and honestly that is the only rational reason i can see for watering down his character this much (rational where its not just a poor writing) i hope it will happen i would enjoy it i would forgive using wills feelings for ending mikes and els fight. But if nothing like this happens mileven is doing perfectly 'fine' as always will is coming out but it has no impact on anything than im throwing that show away other threads arent enough to make me invest in it as much as this one is (im not saying that i need byler to come true what i need is a logical explanation on why mike is such an asshole and REAL character development this time) Every time show is fucusing on mikes flaws (its always just one flaw - like mike beeing possesive or not caring about will at all) other characters confront him making him realise what he was doing wrong he apologises and everything is fine again exept its not. Because he fixes this one single flaw they were taking about every other out there is left untouched. He doesnt grow as a person (one good thing about him - he doesnt make same mistake twice) actually hes beeing even a bigger asshole. So theres no surprise for me that all he takes from wills advices are ways to make up with el bc thats all he is focusing on. He doesnt look at bigger picture of situation - at wills emotions at ways his voice sounds like at reasons why he took that painting for that trip or why he painted him in that contects in the first place.

I dont know what elese to write to clarify my point (i hope its somehow understandable) I am a huge byler shipper but as i said it doesnt even have to be canon for me because if it was with mike left the way he is it could be even more painfull for will. What im really hoping for in s5 is explainging mikes horrible begaviour and fixing it for real this time (this scenario in case they made him this bad on pourpose) or fixing his character generaly (in case it was accidental) and a satisfing wills coming out scene. I cant specify exactly what im expecting but im counting it will be as good as robins