#im trying to put this under a read more but it wont let me??

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[howlsofbloodhounds]

Hello, Im not really good at putting my thoughts into words and english isnt my first language, so im sorry if this doesnt make sence.

Cw talking about suicide

If killer and color got their happy ending and got to escape nightmare, I think killer would kill himself eventualy, specificaly i think it would be stage 1

As far as i understand wasnt it implied that killer was going to kill himself but then nightmare took him out of his au to work for him. And i dont think stage 1, in the rare ocurances that he was "awake" (idk how to say this properly ×_×) he wouldnt like being forced to kill again but now under someone elses command so maybe he will try to end himself too, but nightmare would propably cause a forcable switch to his soul so he would go back to stage 2.

Color let killer choose to go with him, so surely color wont entervine when killer decides to not exist anymore? Well i guess if killer chose to leave with color than maybe he decided that he wants to live, since working for nightmare, he would be dead anyway, either from nightmare or maybe form some other person while hes in a fight or somethingm

But as someone who relates to killer a lot.. i dont think this urges of wanting to die would go away that easily. Im sure stage 1 still thinks about it, and maybe he would feel guilty for troubling color with his problems , that he doesnt deserve to have color as a friend and hes only causing him trouble and such. Stage 1 would propably feel bad for killing people and causing pain to so many people maybe.. Im just thinking about how color crying having to let his friend go on his last walk, and killer comforting him, that this is truly what he always wanted...

If color was truly his friend he wouldnt take the freedom away from him and try to convince him not to do it right? Wouldnt killer think that color is taking that choice away from him. Or maybe it would be different with color, i dont know...

I dont know how to conclude this, I hope this makes sence... i love reading your theories and headcanons for killer and color, you made me care about him again after years of not being in the fandom^_^ i hope you have a good day

I get what you mean. And I agree that even in his Good Ending, killer will struggle in many ways. his self destructive tendencies and suicidal ideation and self harming behaviors wont just dissipate. And neither would the absolute shame in his existence, the belief he doesn’t deserve to exist.

I do believe that if color realizes that killer is dead set on killing himself, that existing just hurts him more, although it will be hard and color would exhaust every option first..I don’t believe color would ever take away killers choice. especially not when this is a choice thats been taken from him before.

..maybe they’d even attempt to do a double suicide or a suicide pact. but I think killer would want color to live, if only to keep him alive in his memory a little longer before they met again in the afterlife.

but heres the thing. killer & colors stories are one of the very few in the utmv that ends happily, on a hopeful note. And I don’t wanna take it from them when it’s something they fought so hard for.

and..well, the idea that tortured people can only find happiness and peace in death and will never ever heal..just upsets me a lot. i think killer deserves to live life, however long he has, with those who he loves and who love him back. and i want him to pass smiling and content.

he may not live to be anything close to physically elderly, but I want to believe he cherished the last few years of his life. and he was happy.

[thewisaaaaad]

Hey so I was possesed by another vision.

Im so sorry. Have anemoia AU. Anemoia means "having nostalgia for a time you never experienced.

Also this one dives a little into horror, and I made an image to go with it so. be prepared for that.

my yappin below the Read More.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why had you tried to be rid of me? Had I done something wrong?

Oh. oh I must have. something horrible, and now I have done something so much worse! A fool such as myself has no business being ROYALTY! Oh no, this will not do at all! My lord, reduced to a groveling peasant!

But now you are free! Forgive your humble servant for the shoddy illusion of the cult I had left you in, I needed time to prepare your surprise! I meant no harm by it, and it was no prison. You could leave at any time!

And now you have! But oh, oh my Lord, you still look so upset! My deepest apologies and condolences, my lord!

But that foul mood will not last, if I have anything to say about it!

I know! I'll put on a show! Only the finest entertainment will do! The worst of the worst, tormented for eternity!

All for You! What a wonderful circus this will be! Such a wonderful show, indeed!

The price of admission? Oh no such thing, my lord! I would rather impale myself upon a sword or twelve! I offer a gift instead!

Your crown! Your wondrous, red crown, returned to its rightful place!

This body? oh, merely a puppet, my lord! My main body is setting up the big show. If you wish to rip it to shreds, such is your right!

But there is so much more to do, once you are done!

There are plenty of heretical souls to punish here with it, so many traitorous souls to cut down at your pleasure!

Ooh, ooh! There are refreshments, too! Fresh marrow to sup upon, and warm blood to slake your thirst!

And for the main events! Oh! Oh, how the bishops shall suffer for your amusement! Heheheh, I'm rather proud of those, myself!

First, we have Leshy! He of Havock, reduced to bird seed! I made hawks pluck at his eyehole as he remains chained to a rock! But not in the way normal birds of prey do, oh no. They pluck at the same nerve endings.

every. time.

A being who relishes in chaos such as he will surely die of BORDOM from such a fate! oh, but do not worry, my lord!

I WONT LET HIM LEAVE THAT EASILY.

Next up, we have that rotten toad, Heket! She gets the honor of standing in a river, with fruit dangling just overhead! But she never gets to taste either, oh no. The pears retreat, just beyond the reach of her grubby mits, whenever she dares to try and seize them.

And that frigid water that rushes past her legs? Why, her parched lips will never reach its surface! the spiked collar around her fragile neck will make sure of that.

SHE WILL FACE THE VERY FAMINE SHE ONCE RULED.

As for Kallamar. Well, lets just say that I was tempted to make him shove a boulder up a hill for eternity, but his weak noodle arms could barely push a small rock! It was so pitiful, I couldn't even stand it.

So I decided to play to his strengths.

A god of plague should be more than a match for his domain, right? Hehee! I thought so too, but his vomit seems to suggest otherwise! I have lined up a wonderful conga line of suffering for the cowardly squid, a beautiful set of symptoms that shall create a wonderful symphony of agony!

Ah, but I haven't left him defenseless! that would be no fun at all! I have left him a table of tools, a bouquet of medicine to try ant treat what ails him!

But every, SINGLE time he starts to recover to a mere cough...

I HAVE ANOTHER CRIPPLING ILLNESS WAITING IN THE WINGS!

And Shamura!

...ah, Shamura.

It was so hard to find a punishment that got a good reaction out of them. Every single form of torture, from boiling in oil, to being crushed under a lead cloak, they took all of it on the chin.

"Through this, I will repent" MY ASS!

But I figured out a hell that makes them squirm. Its so ingenious!

I simply employed the same punishment that they made YOU suffer through! Ehehee, with a slight twist, of course!

They get to watch their siblings SUFFER for all eternity! Hah, and they get to sit there, knowing, KNOWING that this is all their fault! AHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Oh don't look at me like that, you aren't part of their family! They forsake that honor the moment they thought to put you in chains!

...oh, and before you go enjoy the festivities, I wanted to tell you one last thing.

I will be hosting a show of my own! "The Comedy Of the Last Lamb!" oh, I have been working SO very hard on it! I do hope you enjoy it! The story will be a little... tweaked, from how it actually went. The new ending should fit your tastes MUCH better than how... It had gone.

I do hope you'll show up to see it!

You have a starring role in it, after all.

Please, enjoy yourself.

My lord.

[lotus-sunn]

@katentines this is your fault/pos

So lotus-moonn I have been THINKING ABOUT HER. And I decided since my pfp is sweet mikey I thought maybe if lotus-moonn existed

they would use covert-mike (Mikhali) as their pfp since well if you know anything about covert mikey then its fairly obvious why I choosed him

I thought of her personality and I conclude..Shes a fucking dick. or atleast more blunt and straight forward not caring about someones feelings and wouldnt see the reason to soften the blow. Would say "that looks like shit" to your face and call you out for more of your wrong doings

I love the DRAMATICS but i think too much is wack so maybe she would have a love for all types of dramatics.

I love to make a good first impression and I am pretty sensitive when it comes to being yelled at in a aggressive way. I start to cry as the yelling continues, so she would NEVER (rarely) cry. It would take a lot for her to cry, and first impression? who gives a shit she is gonna do what she wants and not give a shit if you like her or not.

Not a hugger or very touchy its rare for her to even touch anyone (fucking insane i know) Suprisnly less of a realist. (im a realist) More of a lets just do it and find out. Doesnt care for people who overthink she doesnt get it. like cmon your thinking too much LETS GO.

Not much for reading feelings she just freezes if they confide in her. She is pretty serious. If you told her a joke she would take it literally.

social cues??? she doesnt know what that is?? context clues what??

(fucking dumbass)

Doesnt swear. literally man she doesnt. I swear like sailor so she wouldnt. Why use swears when you can insult someone in more creative ways? she doesnt get the appeal.

really really smart in the education level. Works slow and good, doesnt work well under pressure.

opptimistic? no? but also yes.

one thing I wont change. She is stubborn but not me type stubborn. She is fucking STUBBORN once she decides something its set in bedrock she ingraved it into its very core your not changing her mind

(people trying to rehabiltate lotus-moon get meet with her fist)

was a kid who was more reckless and got more injuries (i was the same. but she actually broke a bone.)

faking confidence? she doesnt do that depressing bullshit. her confidence is real but that gets in the way of most of goals she has so much faith in herself she grows arrogant. She thinks that whatever she puts her mind to WILL happen doesnt matter who come in the way

fighting? HELL YEAH. SHE FIGHTS WITH ALL HER MIGHT! exploding PASSION!

I dont get sick easily. She does tho (LOSER COULDNT BE ME) its cold and she doesnt wear a scarf and jacket GET SICK BITCH (and very sensitve when sick. Im not i can function well enough. she is like fucking DEAD like family guy dead pose.)

hopeless romantic? fuck no romance is icky she doesnt like it.

very Social. ikr what the fuck?? if anything she wouldnt be. And you'd be right but Im not very social i have a close friend group of 5 people THATS IT. so she would be very social despite her dumbass not knowing of social cues.

[withgreatpowercomesmyfuckingdick]

brief rant on me hating online school scroll if uninterested

i just. fucking hate online college.

im going to start with omfg these people don’t give two shits about their students which nah fucking duh. this is a technical college putting courses online to cut corners and do more courses with less teachers because they’re BROKE. it isn’t ideal and i am completely self taught. let me repeat that. i am COMPLETELY self taught.

i am also working at a tax office. during fucking tax season. my teachers are pretty much completely unsympathetic.

and sometimes im like well maybe im lazy, maybe im not doing enough, and then i have to remind myself: I’m fuckin ADHD. I’m severely under medicated, as in my meds don’t do shit anymore and I currently can’t access new ones. I TRIED to get on disability, because schools CAN get you accommodations for ADHD, and the lady in charge of the office ignored me. I emailed her several times, got the read receipts, and she ignored me. She doesn’t even have an office on campus, so I can’t ask to speak to her.

and it’s not like im dumb or can’t keep up in learning. i know my shit. i ALWAYS know my shit. i just don’t do well with conventional assignments and i don’t do well with the online schooling system because i have no way to separate my personal and school life. assignments just rack up in front of me and im procrastinating on them right fucking now because it intimidates me when its like that, even when i know if I don’t complete these my grade will get worse. i’ve hit a point where the urgency makes me shut down instead of going into overdrive because there’s too much shit going on at once for me to stress myself out, even though i SHOULD be stressing

I’m doing my best. I am, but the odds are stacked against me and my teachers are no help. I feel whiny and bratty saying that because it’s fucking college, ofc teachers don’t give a fuck, but I don’t understand how these people don’t even teach me and can’t find it in themselves to give me some leeway on an assignment I’m turning in late or didn’t even know existed, or straight up giving me a ZERO over an assignment I broke my BACK over because the annotations weren’t the specific format she wanted. im fucking exhausted and so so sick of watching the grades decline because I can’t keep up, and no matter how I try to explain, they’re giving me the polite, roundabout version of “skill issue, tough break, get good” and fucking moving on. i know im a drop of water in the bucket and this means absolutely nothing but its so FRUSTRATING and i’ve got parents breathing down my neck that hate to see C’s, and C’s might be the best I can give them at this point.

i want to just quit at this point honestly, but i wont, because i didnt get to this point just to fucking quit. im going to aim for B’s out of spite, and I’m going to bug the shit out of my teachers, and I’m going to ace my fucking finals just like I did last semester so i can walk out throwing birds over my shoulder.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk or wtv

[fatuismooches]

My previous asks about biting is just because i have cute aggression and your works are so cute (usually, one time i wanted to test out how dramatic my mascara was so i read some of your angst, cried) but now that i really think about it? my number one competitor is Il Dottore himself

It's my personal headcanon dottore has really bad cute aggression, sure it's mainly under control now because he's been alive for fuckinf Centuries (for all childhood friends works where the reader is male would it count as old man yaoi- *gets shot*) but with his lover? absolutely out of control

Maybe they're cuddling and his lover's hand gets close to his mouth? eated, chomped

childhood friends reader who has scars on their arms because of how hard dottore has bitten them

it gets so bad that the reader has to give him a taste of his own medicine, he bit them a few minutes ago and now he has his hand by their mouth? EATED (he gets so confused and then Realizes, unbeknownst to you, you started an all out war.)

Make sure to wear turtlenecks during the chomping war because if you walk past him wearing like, a tee-shirt he'll just move the collar of the shirt (or even stretch it, bastard) just to bite your shoulder and then act like nothing happened

after about the first week, you both look like you were mauled by a small cat.

Eventually, a truce is made, so it's not as bad, but you two still bite each other like feral cats.. It's just more provoked rather than "i have to get them back IMMEDIATELY"

So there's not as many bite marks everywhere, mainly on each other's arm and hands now because, what else are you supposed to do if your lover's hand is by your mouth? kiss it? fucking casual. Bite his cheek and watch him go absolutely insane though

some other harbingers who i think have cute aggression but not as bad

The second place is pantalone, he isnt bitey, but he will grab, squish, and tug at your cheeks aggressively if you say or do something cute whole cooing about the cuteness of what you just did

columbina will just, hug and squeeze you really REALLY tight if you do something cute, its hard to breathe but thats ok

the last and (funnily enough) least aggressive when it comes it cuteness, is childe, he'll hug you tightly (not as tight as columbina) and squish your cheeks, but only for a few seconds (unlike pantalone, who will literally make your face numb) he is lime a healthy mix of both of those two, he will get bitey however. - 🎈 pspsp smooches cmere i promise i wont bite you (lying)

🎈 ANON?? HELP IM SORRY FOR MESSING UP YOUR MASCARA I DIDNT MEAN TO 😭 (or did I?) But omg, I honestly didn't know what cute aggression was until now, thank you for informing me of this AND I'M GONNA BE STEALING YOUR HCS BC THATS TOO CUTE 🤲❤️❤️😭

I'm just. EXPLODING 💥 Bro doesn't know how to control his biting strength too so he ends up drawing blood sometimes 😔 (But it's okay since it's Dottore) I bet people assume the scars you have are from something cool like battles but nope... you got BIT by a human, multiple times at that. The first time it happened you probably let out a little scream because he's literally nomming on you unprompted and... you've never met anyone who does that 😨 I wonder if he even has an explanation for it or he just... does it? He just wants to bite you and he will, you can't stop him😭🙏

I mean, you get used to the random bitings, but if there's one thing about you, is that you will put him in his place if need be! If Dottore thinks he can just go on ranting about his research after fatally biting you, he's wrong 😒 He starts waving his hands around in excitement and you know what. Bitten. Nom-nom. Congrats. This is one of the very few times Dottore's rendered speechless. (Worst mistake of your life.) You know how regular couples give each other good morning/night kisses? Well Zandik does something like that... he just bites you unprovoked instead. It's the absolute worst during the Akademiya because you're sweating so hard trying to cover all of your skin but also trying to avoid getting nipped on the neck by that irritating deadly scholar 🫠 He is so nonchalant about it too 😒 But you're not. As soon as you land a bite you're grinning so hard and he's just like 😐 Ehehe... pretending to kiss his cheek and then nibbling on it and giving it a lil bite... I'm evaporating... i love the little love bites <3

THE PANTALONE ONE IS SOOO TRUEEE AWWW 😭🥺🥺🥺 I see him as very touchy so omggg him squishing your cheeks is so cute 😭 You would just be talking and saying something unintentionally adorable to him and all of a sudden he's cupping and then squishing your cheeks all while going on about how cute his darling is, and your words are now getting all garbled up 😔 it's A NEED. (Then he'll kiss your cheeks so gently if you get pouty cuz he pulled too hard :(( <3)

100% agreed on Bina she is. A MONSTER. when it comes to those hugs, you may faint if you don't build up some resistance to it. You can try to do it back to her but for some reason, she isn't really affected by it even if you muster up all your strength, but she still adores the notion! And Childe... RAHHH THESE ARE SO GOOD!! It's funny for him to be the least aggressive but his co-workers are something else I guess 😭 We love a king who's so affectionate but also won't kill you with it 🤭 I imagine if you return it he would be so flattered...especially if you're strong enough to actually keep him from leaving your hug. Now that's the good stuff.

🎈 anon 😳 you can bite me if you want, I don't mind 😌🫶

[kindred-spirit-93]

*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D

do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?

do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?

well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!

i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...

i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit

after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this

it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.

ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol

self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?

this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D

i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*

anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*

id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.

a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)

aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD

[brandonduhaimes]

What if (M.B.)

Credits to gif maker

Authors note: thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy! Sorry for any spelling/grammar errors im writing from my phone since i left my laptop at work.

Length: 3.8k

Saturday mornings on days Matt didn't have a game were simply the best. This morning he had you pinned under him as a way to keep you from getting up.

"Babe you have to get off your crushing me” you yell out as he whines before rolling over so you can breathe freely again. "You got me all wet with your dripping hair. Next time dry it before laying on me."

"What do you want to do this morning since you wont let me cuddle you?" He sighs with a pout on his lips.

"You are so dramatic sometimes you know that?" You giggle as he pulls you into his side and wraps his arms around your waist.

"I wouldn't have to be if you would just let me lay on you," he sighs dramatically "but no i can't suffocate you lovingly."

"Maybe in a couple years you can, but not today i still have a life to live," you add continuing your fake argument.

"Well Y/N, I hope I get to be a part of that life because you are the one constant I have. Hockey is changing everyday, especially since the trade deadline is coming up."

Boldy wasn't planning on leaving Minnesota but he knows that soon some of the people he cares about most could be gone. He definitely doesn't want you to leave too. "What if we just i don't know moved to Canada or something, escape it all."

"Ah yes canada where no hockey exists and you would be free." He smiles at your comment and kisses your forehead softly.

"You're right that might possibly be the worst place for me to go. One of the teams up there would find me and hold me hostage or something." You both laugh at that and he holds you a little bit tighter "but seriously I love you and I need you with me forever. I don't think that i could move on from you even if i tried."

"I love you too Matt I don't plan on leaving ever." You reach your arm across his stomach trying to pull him even closer.

"Well, then I know what we are doing today!" He says shooting up out of bed leaving you utterly confused.

"And what exactly do you have in mind?" You ask "for someone who didn't want to get up not even five minutes ago you sure did change your mind fast."

"I love you more than I've ever thought possible so with great advice from an icon i am in-fact going to put a ring on it." With that he grabs your arm and drags you out of bed. "Go get in the shower!"

"Matthew you are absolutely the goofiest person Ive ever met." You laugh as he drags you towards the shower.

What you didn't know was that Matt had already picked out the ring, talked to your parents (who were on their way over), and the boys who were all waiting in his front yard.

When you got out of the shower Matt was no where to be found. The only thing proving he was still in the house was the outfit he had placed on your bed. It seemed a little dressy for a Saturday morning but you slipped it on anyways.

You walked down the stairs to find mason brandon and connor in the hallway.

"What are you three doing in my house?" You ask and they just laugh as Connor grabs your hand and escorts you outside. Mason and Brandon follow behind you giggling like school boys.

"We have your first clue." Brandon says as Mason hands you a small handwritten note and your car keys.

You stopped and took a minute to read the note: "It was snowing on the day we met and the roads were horrible. What if you didnt come that day? Would fate have still brought us together if you never showed up?"

The first day you had met Matt was at a fan meeting. He had spent almost forty minutes signing autographs for people when all the sudden he couldn't speak. He was to stunned to talk to the person standing in front of him. He did however manage to write his number on the back of the puck you had brought for him to sign.

"Thanks boys," you say as you get in your car.

"No problem Y/N have fun!" Mason yells before shutting the door for you. As you drive to the X you wonder what you are getting yourself into.

(Matt's POV)

"Are you sure you aren't going to overboard?" Connor asked as he took the note and your car keys.

"I had so many memories with them in the x that it would be weird for me to not make this a part of it. My first hattrick was the night that we went on our first date. That was the best Valentine's day ever for me. I knew that day I had found the love of my life." He reminds him.

"You just wish you had thought of it first dew, let it be." Brandon chirps making everyone laugh quietly so you wouldn't hear them.

"Alright ill see you guys in like an hour for set up. Thank you so much."

With that I got in my car and headed to the florist to pick up the flowers.

(Your POV)

You park and make your way towards the supposed to be vacant building to find Jordan, Hartman, Dumba and Brodin inside the front doors. (the ones on the riverside with the hockey lodge next to it.)

They swing open the doors dramatically and Jordan gives you a hug before ushering you quickly inside and into the hockey lodge. Once inside they handed you bag of your favorite candy and a small note.

You opened the note to read: "what if you had just taken the free tickets and not came down to the locker room after? (Not that i think you are that kind of person though)"

Before you could make your way down Jordan held his arm out "Let me escort you." He says and you laugh at the goofy face he makes. The two of you had hung out with eachother often and were really close friends, so you took his arm.

As the two of you walked he spoke up. "You know Boldy is probably one of the best guys on the planet. You have no idea the difference you make in his life. I haven't seen him this happy in a while. So thank you for that."

"He makes me really happy too. I don't think I could have been more lucky. The schedule is hard but as long as he's happy i wouldn't want any if it to change. He's made me a better person by just being around." You respond and Jordan smiles.

"Thats the best part of finding the one you are meant to be with, it changes both of you for the better and it works no matter what."

You and Jordan finish the walk to locker room laughing and up to your usual antics. He stops outside of the doors "I believe this is your stop. Thank you for choosing big rig trucking."

"Thanks for the escort Greenie." You say before pushing the doors open. Jordan salutes you and you laugh as he walks away.

(Matt's POV)

While I was on my way to the flower shop I called Jordan.

"Remember they would probably walk through the arena so dont let them go alone I don't want the next parts to be ruined."

"You got it I'll make sure to walk them down through the outside offices." He responds.

"Jordan what if they say no? What if its too soon?" I ask starting to think I may have been too early.

"I think that you know when its time." He says, "you were pretty dead set on it last week when you were trying to get coach to approve the day off."

He was right, I knew that it was the right time and its the day of so of course I would be nervous. "You're right Greenie I just got nervous all the sudden, but I have to get to the florists so im gonna let you go."

"Drive safe bolds" he says and we say our goodbyes.

(Your POV)

As you walk through the door you are met with the smiling faces of Sam, Sammy, Adam, Marco and Calen.

"Welcome to the locker room, its not like you haven't been here before but y'know i didnt really know what else to say." Calen says making you laugh as they show you Matt's locker which had a small note on the bench.

It read: "What if you had decided not to go up to the press box with me while we waited for everyone to leave?" Next to the note was a beautiful silver locket with the picture you had taken of the two of you in the press box inside. On the other side it had the words "my happily ever after."

Adam then came up to you and help you put the locket around your neck.

After this Rossi escorted you to the press box. After a few moments, he asked you, "Y/n do you believe in love at first sight?"

"I do." You say, "I think that when you meet the one you are supposed to be with the world stops. Its just you and them in that moment."

"Boldy believes in it too. When he met you and came back down to the locker room after, all he could say was that he had just met the love of his life. We all thought he was crazy. Of course it was Connor and I that were down there and we just hadn't met the one yet." He smiles thinking of his girlfriend. "Now that we've both found them we agree with him."

"I'm glad you found yours Rossi and I'm glad I have mine too." You replied smiling.

You continued walking in a comfortable silence before finally reaching the doors to the press box.

"Well this is where I leave you." He smiles and walks away.

(Matt's POV)

As I leave the florists I call Y/N's dad.

"Hey Matt how are you coming along there? We are done with the set up here, we just need the flowers," he asks.

"I'm on my way now." I respond "Jordan texted me like ten minutes ago saying that he dropped them at the locker room so it should be like 45 minutes still."

"Perfect! It looks like it will all work out perfectly timing wise." He then adds, "I don't know how you came up with this idea but it's amazing. I wish i would have thought of something like this."

"Mr. Y/L/N they don't deserve anything less. They are my entire world and I want to remind them everyday. So if I can go big here it will make it easier for them to remember how much I love them."

"You're a great man Boldy don't ever forget that." Y/D/N says "I'm going to let you go since you are driving and we don't need you injured."

"I'll see you soon Mr. Y/L/N!" I respond and we say our goodbyes.

(Your POV)

As I made my way into the press box I was met by Ekkie, Middsy, Gus, Freddie, Jonny, and Moose.

"Welcome to the press box!" Moose yells making all of you laugh. He guides you over to the radio panel where a small note is waiting for you.

It read: "What if you didn't go skating with me? I was so excited to show you who I am that I didn't even think about how you might not have known how. Im glad you did." On the floor next to the note was a pair of skates. The ones you had worn during your first date and the many after them.

You look out over the ice to see some faces you recognize already waiting for you on the rink. "We thought you might need a couple of escorts to the rink. We wouldn't want you getting lost." Moose says and you laugh as the boys follow you down to the rink.

As you make your way down to the entrance you smile as you find more faces than before. All of the boys you had talked to already had made their way to the rink and were skating to their hearts content. "Y/N?" Moose questions "will you skate with us for a little while?"

"Of course!" You say and laugh as he helps you lace your skates up. As you make your way onto the ice you are ran into by a very happy Mason Shaw.

"Sorry Y/N! I didn't mean to I just wanted to say hi again!" He pulls you into a hug. "What do you think of all this?"

"Its really cool, he really worked hard on this." You reply as reavo also makes his way over. The rest of the boys follow and you stop to chat with Moose and Reavo while the others take turns racing up and down the rink trying to prove who the fastest one is.

"I think its nice to know that I have no chance in winning that. Not with Connor on the ice." Reavo says making both you and Moose laugh.

"I dont know Sammy has a pretty good chance too. I saw him play a lot at the U." You respond

"I agree but in all seriousness, you're probably the luckiest person on earth. Boldy can be sassy but he's so genuine that it almost makes up for it. When he knows something is important he gives 110 percent. Its my favorite quality of his," Moose responds.

"I don't think that they are the lucky one in this situation though, Boldy has found someone who has never given up on him and thats what he's always needed. I dont think most people could make it through the schedule. Y/N watching the two of you get close has been one of my favorite off ice moments. Even if we win the cup this year the whole team will remember today as a day worth celebrating." Reavo says hyping you up.

"I feel like I'm the lucky one here he has an amazing support system with you guys around. I'm just glad to be a part of it." You say as Reavo and Moose pull you into a hug. Mason Connor and Brandon notice and soon you are in a group hug with about 20 other guys.

After that you are met with a line of guys all waiting with a flower in hand. One by one each skates up and gives you a hug and the flower. A beautiful red rose just like the flowers Matt had gotten you on the night of your first date. At the end of the long line was the ever wonderful Jared Spurgeon. He handed you the last flower before you noticed that all of the boys except he, goose, Fleury, Kirill, and Mats had made their way out of the arena.

"We have one last note for you." Mats says, "the rest you have to do on your own."

You take the note from him and giggle as you read: "Hopefully this has been a fun little outing for you. I have one last question though. What if you hadn't agreed to move in with me this year? I spent a long time trying to figure out how I want to live my life and I hope you and I have similar plans. Maybe you can meet me at the house?"

"One last escort okay with you?" Jared asks, "I figured I would know the fastest way out of here since I've been here a while."

You smile and take his arm. He walks with you to the front doors before handing you one last thing. "Boldy asked me to give you this. He says its really important that you listen to it on the way back."

"Thanks Jared. I appreciate you walking me back." You respond taking the CD from his hands.

"My car was here so it worked out well." He smiles at you. As you turn to get into your car you hear "One final thing Y/N"

You turn around to look at him again "yes?"

"He really does love you. I think that you are one of the few things keeping him going these days. The season can be long but its easier when you have someone to come to. Remembering how I felt when I first started this job makes me really glad that he found you. He's matured since he met you and he fights for what he believes in now. His confidence is way better with you around so thank you."

"Thank you Jared, I think that we balance each other well. He's made me who I want to be and I plan on being around for a while," you respond.

"Well get on home! He's waiting." Jared says and you smile as you get into your car.

Jared was gone before you even had your seatbelt buckled but, before you left you turned on the CD that Matt made.

You laughed as Kid in Love by Shawn Mendes started playing. Matt had listened to you play it on your guitar many times and you smiled remembering the day you caught him singing it in the kitchen.

As you drove, more songs that you both loved played, making the drive seem way to quick. While you were excited to see what the rest of the day had in store you couldn't help but hope the drive continued.

As you made your way up the drive way you smiled to see the garage door already open. You parked and made your way inside to be greeted by your puppy Jax. Even with the crazy actions of the six month old puppy you didn't miss the note taped to his collar.

"Jax sit." The puppy stopped and sat waiting patiently for your next words. You grabbed the note from his collar and smiled as you read: "Can you let me outside please? Dad wouldn't let me go out with out you."

"Lets go outside Jax!" With that the little puppy went back to the jumping and overly excited animal you were used to. He lead you to the back door tail wagging and barking loudly.

(Matt's POV)

Jax alerted us that Y/N was inside which meant that my plan worked. I stood outside next to the tree that we had spent the night dancing under when we first moved here.

As Y/N walked out the back door I froze. They were perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I spent all morning getting this ready and I couldn't figure out what to do next. "Well hi Matt, how was your morning?" Y/N smiled at me as they came up to me.

"Mine was pretty busy." I say laughing, "how was yours?"

"Pretty crazy honestly. The love of my life set up the most beautiful morning for me and let me get to know his teammates who are wonderful escorts by the way."

"Im glad that they took care of you well." I responded smiling, "I hope that maybe I can do better than they did though."

(Your POV)

"How do you plan on doing that? Moose is a pretty smooth talker." You crack a smile and that seems to break the tension as he laughs as well.

"Will you go on a walk with me Y/N?" He whispers "I've got something to show you."

"Of course I will." You reply and with that he takes your hand and walks down to your dock. At the end is a beautiful set up with candles and flowers. Not to mention the roses leading all the way down the dock.

You smile as he leads you to the end. He stops and you can feel his hands shaking from nerves. You knew what was coming but waited, pretending not to notice your parents and siblings watching on the beach with his family and the rest of the team.

"Y/N I've spent the last few years getting to know you and I couldn't imagine spending any of the years ahead with out you." He takes a deep breath and continues. "I want to be there when you are sick and can't get out of bed. I want to be there on the days when the kids are being loud because they have friends over and the days after those when you are cranky in the morning because you didn't get any sleep. I want you to be there for me when I get another hattrick and I want you to be there for family skates and I want you to be with me forever."

He stops and gets down on one knee before finishing. "I want to be there on your wedding day. I want to take your hand after your dad walks you down the aisle. So with that being said, will you marry me?"

You smile as the tears start to fall slowly. "Matt I want to be there with you when our kids have their first day of school. I want to be there when you hit one thousand games. I want to be there to watch you break records. I want to be there when you can't find the back of the net. I want to be there when you are injured and when you go back to playing after injury." You take a deep breath as you feel the pressure in your chest release. "Yes I will marry you."

With those words said, cheers erupt from the beach as Matt picks you up and spins you around in a tight hug. He places his lips on yours and dips you backwards. You hold him tightly and smile through the kiss trying not to to chuckle as Connor Mason and Brandon make endless noise. Boldy then stood you up and placed the ring he had bought you on your finger before taking your hand. The rest of the younger boys joined in the cheering as you and Matt's parents sat quietly holding each other with tears in their eyes.

From the beach you hear Jared taking over dad role and yelling at all of them to stop rilling up the dog who had somehow managed to tackle Dumba. Both Jax and Dumba seemed to be okay with this though.

You make your way back up to shore and you notice that Dean Evason had also been standing on the beach. "The Minnesota Wild have one more gift for you." He states and hands you and Matt both a package. You opened them together to find matching Jerseys. Both with the name Boldy on them with the numbers 22-23 on the back.

In yours was a small note that said: congratulations to the two of you may this lead to many happy years ahead.

In yours was a small note that said: congratulations to the two of you may this lead to many happy years ahead.

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 20. brb x oc

its the hand on hips for me

a/n: HAPPIER WITH THIS CHAPTER NGL. also,SMUT COMING AND HOPEFULLY IT WONT BE SO LONG ( im lying it'll probably be kinda long )

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: fluff,their friends are just as bad as mav

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!! )

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@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things

-

“God,” she groans, trying to tug the low collar of her Morticia dress closed so it’d hide some of her cleavage, she was starting to get a bit self conscious about it right now, wondering if it was even wise to show up with something like that to Ev’s party. She knew her friend would go all out with her costume, she always did and wouldn’t think Bea’s costume was that crazy…and yet, she was overthinking already, “Maybe I could put something here,” she pressed a hand right between her breasts as she looked at her reflection.

She looks amazing, she does look really good but she felt if she moved too much something would pop out, “Do I still have those tapes? Maybe I can glue them on to hold the fabric.” she wanders to her old armoire, pulling drawers and rummaging through each one in hopes to find that beige colored package anywhere. She was too busy looking for it to notice the presence by the door.

Rooster managed to find a suit that somewhat resembles Gomez’s, with the exception that the purple lines were much thinner and almost invisible unless you got close enough, so it just looked like a dark suit, a very dark suit. He didn’t change his hair that much, it was the same wavy sandy brown as before but he did apply some of Beatrice’s eyeshadows under his eyes to make the bags a little bit more prominent, “Ohhh…” he says appreciatively when he sees her bent over trying to find the tape, “Is this how you are going to greet me, gorgeous?”

Beatrice laughs softly, still rummaging through the drawers, “I could, but I’m just looking for some sticky tape,” and she finally found it, nestled in the cranny of her armoire, pulling it out with some difficulty - the movement smashed a bit of the box but didn’t rip it - “Finally, I’m just going to put these on.”

“On? On where?”

Beatrice finally turns, taking a long appreciative look at his outfit before replying “Here,” and she gestures to the low collar, “I feel if I don’t I might show stuff I’m not really comfortable showing.” and of course he could understand it, but he was too busy paying attention to how good her chest looked, his eyes dropping to follow the movements as she breathed in and out, “Rooster!”

“Hm?” he snaps his eyes up to meet her gaze, immediately smiling innocently, “Sorry I got distracted.” she huffs out a laugh, disappearing into their bathroom to fix everything and he follows her like a puppy, “You look stunning.”

Beatrice gives him a sweet look over her shoulder, ripping a piece of the said tape, wetting it so it’d get sticky and lifting the fabric of her dress high enough to set it down. “Thank you Roos, you look very handsome as well.” she smiles back at him through the mirror, ‘You are the best Gomez I’ve ever seen.” 

He smirks back, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe as he waits for her to get ready, “I’m not going to lie,I’m excited to have this party with you.” he says, “And before I leave too, that’s exciting.”

“I’m excited too.” she says, fixing the dress on her body after gluing the pieces of tape down, running her hands on the curve of her waist, giving him a look, “How’s this?”

“Your tits are still knocking,” he smirks, and she laughs tossing her head back, “And you really look great in any shade of red, especially dark ones like you are wearing right now.”

The dark wine red lipstick made her lips appear so much fuller than they already were so there was no doubt he’s admiring her mouth so much, even more than her whole body. She gives him a little curtsy by lifting the ends of her dress and giggling “Why thank you. Now, I think we are both done here so…do you want to go?”

“Yeah, I think we better, everyone if not mostly everyone is probably there already. But there’s nothing wrong with being fashionably late.” He pushes himself off the doorframe to give her enough space to walk out, his eyes following her as she walked ahead of him.

“Stop staring at my ass.”

“I’m not.” She stops walking which in turn makes him stop as well, giving him a look over her shoulder with a tiny grin “I’m admiring it, babe.”

“And I appreciate it a lot, but one of these days you’ll trip over yourself if you don’t look away.” She jokes, turning around to fix the dark tie, tightening just enough before running her hands from his shoulders to his chest. “You do look really handsome.”

Rooster smirks, the two of them share a kiss, one that if it was up to him he’d deepen it just a bit more but the time was running and Evelyn would give them a call if they took too long. So, after checking on Jolene and making sure she was comfortable, which she was with her new dog bed, they left. Beatrice held onto his hand as he led them to the Bronco, with the brunette giving one look back at their house as he opened the door for her. 

“I might need to buy more decorations this year.” She comments once she’s inside, following the line of the roof with her eyes and finger “Maybe get those glowing ghosts, I think the neighborhood has more kids now too.” 

His grin never falters as she speaks, a pang of regret in his heart because he wouldn’t be there when Halloween arrives, but he knew she’d be fine, she’d be okay. “Send me the pictures, babe. I’ll love to see them.” He also wouldn’t be able to celebrate Christmas with her either, a complete opposite from last year. He wondered if last year it was because whoever put them together decided they had to have this time to get used to one another because of what the next year would bring.

 And he was very thankful for that. He had someone to come home to, someone wonderful whose family took him in as one of their own, hell, even her friends took him in. He didn’t want to keep thinking about it because it’d only make the sadness of leaving grow stronger, deciding go focus on driving all the way to Evelyn’s building. 

As soon as they neared it they both could see the orange lamps hanging by Evelyn’s balcony and the light on the penthouse turned on, the cars from the dagger squad and the girls’ were parked in front of the building signaling they were already there indeed. 

“Woah, I think those are pumpkins,”she squints her gaze upwards once she’s out of the car, Bradley stepping closer to her to place his hand on the curve of her waist “It looks like it at least.”

“I think it’s too far for us to see it, baby.” He leads her up the steps to the front desk, where the concierge immediately lets them know that Evelyn is already waiting for them and they could just walk up to the elevator. As they enter, pressing the button to Evelyn’s floor, Beatrice lets out a sigh “Everything good?”

She nods, rubbing her hands together with a small grin “Everything great, Roos. Just thinking about stuff, today was…full of emotion wasn’t it?”

“It was.” He replies with his eyes locked on the numbers going up and up “The bar was packed and filled with tourists, really weird for this time of the year.” 

“Well it’s off season that’s probably why they showed up.” She explains, looking at the same direction he was, the repetitive dinging of the floors going up adding to the loud whirring of the elevator “It’s been good though, it’s not that bad.”

“Do you think it’ll be like this the entire month?”

“Hmmm maybe, why?”

He just shrugs, “I just want you to be alright, baby. New people can bring some creeps and I worry about you when I’m not there.”

Beatrice’s smile softened and she grabbed his hand, tugging his arm just enough to make him lean down to her level, kissing his cheek and then immediately wiping away the dark red lipstick, “Thank you Roos. But I’ll be fine, you forget that Penny is probably the scariest person in that bar.” she says, “Remind me to tell you about the time she physically picked a six foot four guy by the collar and tossed him out.”

The fact he didn’t seem surprised was enough to make her giggle quietly, “I’ll do that.” the elevator stops and they could hear music playing, voices mixing together and the obvious smell of something, “Can Evelyn cook?”

“Well,” she begins as the doors part, “She cooked some stuff before, but if I know Ev she probably ordered stuff ready to eat. She knows a lot of cool places I’ve never heard of bef-” the door to Evelyn’s apartment opened and the two of them jumped back in surprise at her friend’s…costume…

Evelyn was completely covered in fake blood, absolutely soaked, her hair, her face, her baby pink strappy gown. She offered them a smile, one that given the situation was such a weird contrast they had to remember this was just a costume. “Hello, glad you two came up.” she steps back to give them space, “Come on in.” they do after the shock passes, the song reverberating over the speakers all over Evelyn’s apartment. As she walked into the apartment, which Evelyn decorated just as much as Beatrice did during Halloween, she could hear everyone’s voices coming from the outside, right by the pool. “You two look really good, I knew this costume idea would work for you.”

Beatrice turned to her friend, still a bit shocked by the sheer amount of blood on her body, “Thank you Ev, are you…dressed as Carrie?”

“I sure am.” she grins, “The good one. From 76. Get yourselves a drink, there’s a blood fountain over there,” in reality it was just non-alcoholic sangria, “And beer in the cooler.” and she made her way outside, letting everyone know the two finally arrived. Beatrice gave Rooster a small smile, one he reciprocated and so she led him outside to where the others were.

After a few greetings and clinking of bottles, they finally settled down on one of the couches Evelyn set outside by the pool. Beatrice took the time as she sipped the ‘blood’ to look at everyone’s costumes, they went all out for this little celebration, especially because they wouldn’t be here for the actual Halloween. She was surprised that Jake and Evelyn were actually dressed as Carrie and Tommy, she didn’t think Jake would be into stuff like that but considering how much he liked her friend she shouldn’t be surprised.

Bob and Shells were dressed as the Tin Man and Dorothy, which was surprising yet absolutely adorable, and honestly it fit Shells more than the angel costume she wanted to wear. She sipped her wine quietly, crossing one leg over the other as she heard everyone talking, smiling against her glass when she felt Rooster’s hand land on top of her bare knee, rubbing the side of it with his thumb.

“So,anyway, what are the plans tonight, Ev? Besides getting drunk?” Shells asked, sitting on Bob’s lap after placing the fake Toto to the side. Their friend took a while to reply, then smirked, leaning back against the seat.

“Well, I was thinking watching a few movies, but that’s no fun in that, so…we are playing a murder mystery later on.” she says, “Everyone will be either too drunk or too sober for it, which will be great.”

“Ohhh, that seems fun!” Carmen says, pulling her fake Merlin beard down so she could sip her own drink, “I’ve never played that, and I know you probably created a whole storyline for it too. You are our DM after all.” Evelyn just smiles more, proudly then nods in response. 

Beatrice however was just glad to have everyone in one place that wasn’t the bar. It was nice to have them at her place of work but having them all here, having fun and enjoying drinks and snacks was even better. It saddened her a bit that they wouldn’t be here, no one would, during Christmas or New Years. She didn’t want to have that feeling for too long, it almost gave her a bit of pain in her stomach the more she thought about it.

Not only she cared about Rooster, which she did, obviously, but she really cared about everyone else.

When she called them her non-blood family, she was being sincere. They were all part of her life somehow. 

While sipping the non-alcoholic drink, she blinked in surprise, normally she would drink either beer or some of the spiced wine she knew Evelyn had but yet, here she is, drinking non-alcoholic sangria - is that cranberry juice? Oh it’s good. - and enjoying it! Part of her wondered if she should take a sip but the other was just okay with this.

Plus it tasted really nice, there was no need for alcohol just yet. And she preferred to be just a bit sober that night, just to hear what everyone was talking about, watching everyone with a little smile. And she could be wrong but the Dagger Squad seemed a bit tense, maybe this mission - that Rooster couldn’t share anything about - was a lot harder than she thought it’d be.

She trusted them all, she knew how good they were and she didn’t want her anxiety to take over right now, she didn’t want to overthink about what would happen, she wanted- no she knew they’d come back safely. Whatever this mission was they could do it and they’d do it without any hiccups.

Beatrice felt his hand squeeze her knee just a bit more, she didn’t know if he knew she was thinking about it or it was just a casual reflex, but she appreciated it nonetheless, easing out a sigh of relief and getting comfortable on the couch. That is until Wiley showed up, wearing an adorable pirate outfit with the skull and bones hat and the flowy white shirt, “Oh my God, look at you!” she squeals, setting the glass aside when the orange tabby mewled, leaping to land on her lap and be immediately greeted with petting and caressing, “Oh, you look so handsome! You are a little pirate!”

“You know, with how much you love my cat you guys should get a cat too.”Evelyn comments, one of her hands on top of Jake’s thigh “I think Jolene would love the company.”

“Oh, I don’t think we can do that now.” Bradley says, wiggling his fingers above the cat and chuckling when Wiley bapped them with his paw, “Jojo is going to have a lot of company soon enough.”

And everyone went completely silent. Their eyes were all on the two, and the weight of the sudden realization hit Rooster and Beatrice. After everyone got quiet for too long, the two of them looked up and Beatrice gasped, “I-I’m not pregnant!” yet “Jojo is! She’s going to have puppies.”

Payback placed a hand on his chest, Phoenix had to support herself so she wouldn’t fall and Shells let out ‘ Jesus fucking Christ” under her breath. The married couple offered them an an apologetic look, one that only added to the situation, “When is the baby going to pop out?” Shells asked, “I mean, chop chop kiddos, where is it?”

“Shells.” Evelyn forcefully jabs her friend on the ribs, earning a cursed hiss from the blonde, then giving Bradley and Bea a look, “Ignore her, you know she can’t keep her mouth shut sometimes.”

“I’m just saying- Ow!” another jab, this one on her shoulder followed by a warning glare from Evelyn, “Okay, jeez.”

Beatrice laughs quietly, holding Wiley like a baby and gently scratching his tummy, “Well, we are working on it.” she says, giving Rooster a look. A look that said ‘we’ve been trying a lot but we better not share how many times we do it in front of our friends.’ “And, you know, we aren’t in a hurry.”

‘Well,I am- OW!”

“Shut up Shells!” Evelyn’s last glare was enough to shut the blonde up, then her gaze softened when she looked back at them, “It’s about your time, not ours.” another glare directed towards Shells. “When it happens it happens, don’t feel pressured.”

Evelyn, because she probably had more maturity and common sense than anyone else in that place, did just that, she calmed them down. There is one thing having both of their families asking about it - especially because Mav isn’t subtle when it comes to it and she knew her parents would ask them about it when they got to their place tomorrow - and another having the one lone voice who breaks the pattern and assures them everything is fine.

Beatrice mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Ev, who just smiled brightly, “Anyway, who wants to play pumpkin pong?” 

-

“Not only he is the murderer but I also think he cheated on his wife.”

How did it happen? How did all of them, after several other activities in Evelyn’s house - murder mystery, pumpkin bong and horror trivia - managed to sit down and watch random horror movies? Movies that Evelyn, because it is Evelyn, manages to find so easily. No one heard of any of the movies, most of them were slasher but the suspense ones were the favored for the rest of the night.

No one was tired, it was like a sleepover where no one falls asleep and stay up the whole night watching horror flicks with your best friends, eating pumpkin shaped cookies and heating up pizzas from earlier that night. “I think it’s the sister,” Carmen says, following Coyote’s explanation, “Because she wanted to protect the other woman from the man in the attic.”

“Well, yeah but how,” Fanboy gestures to the screen, sitting close to Eliza and Halo, “Does she know he’s in there?”

“She heard his footsteps before,” Phoenix explains as if it was obvious, “Those thunking sounds were his steps.”

“Oooohh.”

Bradley leans back on the couch where Beatrice is nestled to his side, Wiley still on her lap but this time he’s asleep, purring quietly as she keeps her fingers on his orange fur. His eyes dropped to the top of her head, her temple pressed to his shirt’s breast pocket - he removed the jacket to put on her shoulders when she said she was cold earlier that night - with her gaze on the tv, “Hey.” she turns her head to him with her eyes blinking slowly, “Everything okay?”

She blinks again, then nods with a grin, “Yeah,” she says, looking down at the sleeping cat, “Just enjoying everyone else’s enjoyment.” and he just grins at her when she says it, her head falling back to his chest, inhaling his cologne and seeping his warmth. He kisses the top of her head then, burying his nose on her hair for a brief second before he turns his eyes to the tv.

That is until Beatrice tells him she has to go to the bathroom, asking Evelyn quietly where it was because her place was too big for her to remember where it was. Evelyn smiles - it was still odd with the fake blood all over her face - but she stands up, leading Beatrice to her private bathroom “Oh you didn’t have to–”

“It’s okay Bea,” Evelyn says as they enter, “You are my friend, you don’t need to use the guest bathroom.”

Beatrice thanks Evelyn, gently puts Wiley down and disappears inside the huge ensuite bathroom. It was…probably twice the size of her own ensuite bathroom at their house now and she thought that was big. 

She didn’t expect Evelyn to still be there when she comes out, rubbing her hands together to get rid of the extra moisture that wasn’t soaked by the towels inside, blinking at her friend when she sees she’s leaning against the wall, “Oh, I thought you went back.”

“I will in a bit, I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh…okay?”

Evelyn inhales, pushing herself off the wall to approach Beatrice, “Bea, listen,I know everyone is probably on your ass right now about a baby, especially your parents, but don’t - don’t force yourself to get something done. A baby doesn’t happen suddenly and you guys still have time to think about it.” she says, placing her hands on Beatrice’s shoulders, “Remember, you are the one controlling this whole thing, you and Rooster. If this happens now, it’s great if it doesn’t, it’s great too.”

Beatrice watched Evelyn speak and her smile widened. Of course her friend would go full protector mode because of what happened, because she knew how her family was and how her friends - Shells - was too. She was just making sure her mental health would be okay during this time, “I know.”

“Okay. And listen, do not hesitate to call me or Shells if you feel alone while Rooster is gone. We can make something up with the girls and spend time together.”

“I know.” Bea says, “...you can do that too, you know? I know you’ll miss Jake.”

Evelyn’s usually neutral façade softened and finally it was obvious that yes, she did like him and she shouldn’t hide it. Jake was the one person who could crack Evelyn’s neutral mask and it made Beatrice more than happy, “I know.” she whispers, “And I will miss him…but he doesn’t have to know that. Not more than he already does.”

The two share a laugh, Wiley meows begging to be picked up again and Beatrice complies, “Shall we go?” Evelyn suggests and Bea nods in response, the two finally leaving the room “You know, it’s almost four in the morning right now, you guys can spend the rest of the night if you want.”

Four in the morning. Holy shit they had to go to her parents for lunch tomorrow…oh well, they can spend a few more minutes there, it wasn’t like they’d wake up that late,right?

[nyaatorou]

signalis analysis? thematic analysis i guess. this is mainly for a friend so it’s a little more cohesive than ramblings on discord, but obviously massive spoilers under the dropdown, go play the game first!

ill put this as a disclaimer, this is not an indepth line by line break down, this is more my thoughts on the overarching themes and what i remember from just beating it last night, so if something has direct evidence against it, then oops, and im assuming if youre reading this you know roughly what im talking about too

reading other people’s analysis of the game though i think some people get too caught up in trying to figure out what’s REAL and what’s not, what’s ariane’s dream and what’s actually going on

but i think the issue with that is that it’s an exercise in futility, it’s a game about dreams about dreams, layers on layers, i don’t think there’s any true or “best” interpetation of what’s going on

the core story, the one that we the audience are let in on the most and care about, is ariane and elster’s love story (they’re all love stories tho). ariane comes from leng, living away from civilization with her mom, and is sent to school in rotsfront, there she’s bullied and seen as weird by peers and her elders she does her military service, and applies for the penrose program to leave, to get away from it all, to find something out THERE in the space, anything that’s not her current life and she gets in, and meets Elster, and is told officially not to be friends with her, to keep her distance, and she does at first, but ariane gets lonely

she and elster open up to each other, fall in love with each other, until 3000 cycles in, and they find out the truth, that they’ve failed their mission (through no fault of their own), and they will die out here

ariane will die from starvation or from radiation poisoning, or from the Promise

signalis to me is about 2 core things, about being stuck in a cycle/loop, repeating yourself over again, trying desperately to break free from and failing, and about contradictions of PARADOXES, and by their nature lead to each other!

the promise elster is asked to fulfill by ariane is never stated, but i think the literal one was to kill ariane, but i think the true promise, the unspoken one, is for them to die together.

ariane talks in a diary about how shes scared one of them will wake up one day but the other wont, the fear of one of them dying leaving the other alone

and so reality is warping, not just in sierpinski but in general, ariane and elster keep looping different lives (as we see in the tarot/planets/dream diary), but they cant break that cycle Lilith itou and alison seo of vineta, soldiers in love, left stranded by their nation, a soldier returning home alone

Isolde and erika of rostfront, the sisters (familial and sisterly love is still love!!), isolde left alone by her sister first

the grand empress of buyan, wedded one day, taking her life the next, presumably leaving their spouse alone

and ariane, born on leng!, and elster

(i mean also, Isa’s full name is literally isolde, left alone by tristan)

(also for isa and erika there’s weird stuff going on there i may come back and edit this later, but isa and erika’s journey parallels very obviously ariane and elster, isa’s appearance at the end, with the stabbed eye mirroring lilith her mom and elster after alder, but there is the parallels as well with isa’s injuries being similar to ariane, and with in german when isa sees ariane being bullied, that erika came to protect ariane not isa, and that this damaged their friendship.

but still this to me is still symbolic of elster and ariane, of isa failing to do what she needed to, which she regrets. a “fun” theory too is that in protecting ariane from the bullies is what gets erika killed, either in punishment which we know can be fatal cause Eusan Nation is fucked, or in getting sent away to reeducation in Leng which is where Isa went to look for her sister. again, parallels of how isa feels regret for not doing what she needed to, for hesitating the critical moment just like elster did.)

(and also theres heimat, the 6th life but heimat is the only one not mentioned in the dream diary, but also heimat just means home as far as i can tell in german? theres something there, of the 6th life that we dont see, that ariane doesnt dream about is of their life at “home”, at the capital of the Nation. something something heaven and hell, the promised land, a place where they may have been happy but never get to be, a place where they would be home together)

it’s all one big loop, the grand empress creatures the empire, which splinters into the empire and the nation, in their war lilith and alison meet, lilith gets used as the neural template for elster, lilith is presumably the mother of isa and erika, elster and ariane’s bioresonance leads to reality warping, leads to the grand empress, the start of it all, forever in a loop

they exist at the same time as each other, they create each other, because its all a contradiction, stuck and bound together in eternity, forever together, but always left grieving, the symbolic nature of grief feeling like a cycle, even when you think it’s over it comes back!

and it sucks and its painful, and each time you try to find a way out, to break the cycle of grief, but it feels like it never ends, it never stops

but the bittersweetness even in that, that even in grief they find each other still

they’ll always find each other, fate brings them to each other, and fate rips them away from each other

ooahHG it just. its so good.

ariane and elster are the contradiction too, of their lives that we see, ariane is the one that surives not elster, but there’s so much in that being half true

in “reality”, elster is still the one to survive not ariane, elster’s replika in a journal entry being stated to have been recovered and used as the neural template for future elsters, so even in death, she remains the one to survive

but in the dream, ariane is left alive while elster fails to fulfill her promise, she fails to kill ariane, and in a greater sense she fails to uphold the cycle! she died first, and so the cycles must continue, she has to kill ariane so she can die too

its all contradictions! they want to be together, even in death, but the promise is for one to kill the other, one survives the other, and the other survives them, both are true at the same time

ariane in her sleep, the red eye, the entity, the song, Nowhere underneath the surface of leng, some cosmic entity without form (more contradictions), deep in the earth, has a bioresonance with ariane, connecting with her in sleep in her eternal dreams

side note i love the imagery behind the Song cosmic entity, the idea of the a being that exists without form (cough cough disco elysium). as a kid the idea of tartarus, of gaia, nyx, and ouranus in greek myth being what they are was so sick. theses things that gave birth to the titans, these things that aren’t entities so much as they are just things. the earth, the night, the sky, and the void

and here the threat isn’t some big oogly woogly monster, it’s the song the bioresonant people hear and are in tune with!

the cosmic horror isnt some big scary monster, it’s just a SONG

it’s their song, it’s the song they dance to, it’s all the songs they dance to, it’s the symbol of their love, the signal of their love and their grief, it’s the broadcasted message, it’s why the signal that plays to them was the signal of the end, the alert message that came at 3000 cycles, resonating through time and space, their love and pain and grief for each other being so strong it bends reality, their love and their grief being what infects sierprinski, and now finally in the lily/artifact ending its what “breaks” the cycle

taken from mint, their love is the cosmic horror! their love is what strong enough it distorts their world around them!!!

and the mining facility digs too deep, connecting the waking world with the dreaming world, and falke enters the dreams, and comes out half falke half elster and to me half ariane, falke coming back changed

falke coming back as part of elster, and in her grief, elster’s grief, she sleeps too, changed and driven mad by it all, and in coming back she brings a part of elster back with her,

and in the end you have to fight her. you have to kill her to reclaim yourself. elster has to kill her, kill a part of herself to become whole again, to remember her promise, to remember what happened.

someone i know had a good ass line about it too “We Are All Falke, Driven To Madness By The Purity Of Their Love“

also? falke sleeps like ariane, during the plot of the game, but to me falke is doing what elster can’t. elster can’t sleep, can’t “die” like ariane can, and in sleep becomes one as well with ariane

which may be what’s making the corruption spread, her bioresonnance in her dreams spreading ariane’s nightmare of the red flesh, of the cancer from the radiation poisoning, as it only gets worse with each cycle that elster makes and tries, their pain spreading on and on

in some cycles she fails (leave ending), entirely to even enter, knowing what and who is inside, unwilling to confront it

in some cycles she makes it in (memory ending), but fails to uphold the promise, dying at ariane’s side, leaving ariane to survive, the dream continues, the cycle must continue

and even when she does fulfill the promise (promise ending), it doesnt break the cycle, she kills ariane but even if she dies too soon after, she dies alone, not together. death isnt anything more than eternal slumber. the dream continues.

then theres the lily ending, there’s some great analysis of the king in yellow by Chambers and the story of the Mask which features the white lily, but to paraphrase, the white lily is a symbol of rebirth, both biblically and in the story, in which the white lily and Genivieve are turned to marble (look to alison’s hair turning white like ariane’s??), but at the end of the story turn back to their original forms, but the eldritch horror aspect (i think hastur in the books?) hastur was what may have given the characters the solution, so the lily and genivieve can be interpeted to have returned as changed now, the same but different

but in the secret ending we offer up the lily on the Artifact, the thing that was found deep within leng, the 6 pillars of the 6 planets around a slab. 6 elsters, 6 lives of herself offered up to the artifact, the glowing fractal that’s on the slab

and just, the eye watching them as they dance in the penrose ship, but now the dilapidated version of their ship? ariane’s red eye in some shots in the endings, of ariane maybe ascension? there’s the lines in german before the offering, after picking up the white lily from the safe “and in those days people will seek death and not find it“, with red on black, and then

after the offering, “The mystery of this god is finished, as she announced it to her servants the prophets.“ with reversed colors

they suffered and sought out death and couldnt find it, always looping, always starting another cycle, and then as the offering is given, the mystery of this god is finished, judgment is here from god, this god, this song. the song is over. we see them dance again as the music fades in then it all fades to black. the cycle breaks not with the promise being fulfilled or broken, but with their death together, together in love, dancing together into the end.

and from it all, and this is me reaching for even a bittersweet ending, to me it’s the contradiction finally closing. they were stuck in a loop because they couldnt bear what should have been the end of the true loop. did they deserve to die? god no but it was their end right? they were meant to die in space, or crash landed on a planet, but they resisted.

they find out their fate cycle 3000, but ariane’s notes start with cycle 5xxx. 2000 more cycles, they fought to be with each other, to survive, every extra day together, every time they both woke up

and even after elster passed, even after ariane presumably passed, in her dream and nightmare they kept fighting. kept warping reality, kept trying again and again to find each other

i dont think the happy ending is in ascending to divinity, in perptuality, but i think its in this being their end, and finally for them their true promise, in being together, their happy ending.

in passing together, not alone. as it fades to black they’re in each others arms

and just because it’s their end doesnt mean its the end right? the entire game has been about about the cycles of fate, of life and death. its about a dream with a dream. a loop with a loop.

their loop’s ended but their loops goes on, a story about contradictions.

theyll find each other again, fall in love again, and be happy again. in another life theyll explore the world, see the ocean that elster reminds ariane of.

[volvolts]

sorry it took me a while to read the fae story, zenless zone zero has been grippin me by the neck but dang, love kynseed, such a good game and i find it very touching the love you pour into this story, id like to know more (and jonah's sister intrigues me tbh)

no worries at all on the replying! i'm also sorry about the super long wait for this answer too lol (i had a lot of stuff happening for me this past week, nothing bad tho so no worries)

kynseed really had me in the throat with the idea of estranged siblings and the prologue was so good with setting that up! I loved when you meet your sibling again after the time skip and i was honestly super upset when they told me they wanted to be alone (i also named them after my own sibling so that adds more too lol)

i also really liked that when you reach rep 3 your sibling is back but in my game, they just suddenly come back and is super happy seeing me again and not addressing how they left me (also is there supposed to be a letter they send you before you meet again?? i swore i saw a screenshot of a letter someone sends to you in the game but i never came across it myself). but also the lack of apology left me thinking of the idea of you letting it go because you dont want to lost them again and the resentment that could build from that

i tried to transfer the idea of that into my story via jonah's sister (which imma put under a read more for this part as we are now proceeding past kynseed)

jonah's younger twin sister shay is similar to the idea of what i thought about the kynseed sibling being, a sibling seemingly abandoned by their twin whom they never forgave. shay is also a sentinel (refresh: sentinels are fae blessed children who travel and bridge the world of fae and humans) but she doesn't want to be. she didnt ask for this life and wishes that she was normal. one day she's going to outlive those she loves and latched on to jonah, the only person in her childhood who she wont outlive. however jonah wants to be a sentinel and, when forced to make the choice between following her or his own path, he chose his own

shay has never forgiven him for it and cut him out of her life. both siblings are miserable but also refuse to be the first to apologize. jonah because he has always chosen her over his own wants and has turned resentful that the one time he chooses to be selfish, she cuts him off. shay because she's stubborn and was incredibly hurt that he wants to do the role that has estranged them from most of humanity.

shay isnt really a great person, having spent decades letting her resentment fester and she's really callous with people but shes a lot kinder to animals and if she truly pities you. she's also the kind of person who lashes out at others when shes upset. shay does still care about jonah, no matter what she says, but for now, she won't apologize and will only forgive jonah if he apologizes first and renounces his role as a sentinel

i have a lot of fun trying to figure things out with jonah and shay, the doomed siblings duo. they both love each other but are too stubborn to be the first to cross the gap and neither want to compromise. theyre in a frustrating situation and im most particularly enjoying tyring to find things for shay to do (i wish i can draw faster and actually visualize properly haha...) but that's all! thanks for reading

[bug-bites]

intro, rules, all that jazz under the cut!! (read before req pls >_<)

hello and welcome to my blog!

my name is bug, my pronouns are they/them and i am oh so scared to be here! /hj

i think im only going to write headcanons because tbh i am not the best writer when it comes to fanfics :P

also!! im still trying to get used to tumblr so please be patient with me while i try to figure out how to do whatever im supposed to do here

please dont :[

i dont write any NSFW, heavy gore, incest or pedophilia so please dont request it. if i catch any of you requesting that stuff you will be blocked.

another thing i wont write anything that revolves around topics that could be considered extremely triggering (which sounds super vague so if you are uncertain feel free to msg me for clarification!)

please do :]

i love writing hcs where my faves get to be silly. anything that lets them have a break from whatever canon troubles they go through is just so fun to write. AND IF ITS WITH A PLATONIC READER??? hand it over. rn. i love to let my faves be silly gooses!!

you wanna request fluff? amazing. general headcanons? love it. x reader? fantastic, hand it over (the x reader stuff for non-men will probably be better because im a lesbian tee hee). i'll try my best! familial hc's? I. WILL. EAT. THAT. UP.

i also write for specific gendered readers! if its unspecified then i will just default to gender neutral reader

please ask ,':/

i will do light angst and do sometimes like hurt/comfort but please msg me just to check before putting in a req for it :-D

i swear i dont bite, my user is misleading

sources <3

i write for the following (faves are bolded hehe):

Spiderverse

miles morales (both of em, 42 and 1610)

gwen stacy

hobie brown

pavitr prabhakar

margo kess

lyla

jessica drew

peni parker

spider-noir

webslinger

Call of Duty

simon "ghost" riley

john price

john "soap" mactavish

kyle "gaz" garrick

gary "roach" sanderson

kim "horangi" hong-jin

konig

rodolfo "rudy" parra

alejandro vargas

farah karim

tags :3

[ #bug blurb ]: silly blurbs about my faves!!

[ #blah blah bug]: usually not writing related nonsense :]

[ #bug (re)blog ]: reblogs <3 is it obv im struggling w/ the alliteration theme i got going on

(more coming soon once i figure out how to do this :P)

[yumikeki]

How I'd go about reintroducing Mephiles back into Sonic lore(sorta)

So this isn't going to be super structured, its gonna be really rambly but its basically cuz i'm repeating the whole thought process I had while looking stuff up, brainstorming etc so sorry if it gets a bit long, so I'll put design stuff and the whole thing under a keep reading link. Got it? Good. Lets uh, do this.

So to go back to the very beginning, the sonic channel poll. That was a wild time haha. When i first saw it I wasn't initially interested in Mephiles. I would've voted for Vector or Sonicman tbh. But seeing people talking about how cool it would be to reintroduce a character that got wiped out of existence made it a bit more entertaining to me. Which made it suck a little more that he didnt win. But hey, im not complaining about Sonicman, good for him. But that got me thinking about how difficult it would be to reintroduce Mephiles. After all, he came from a very infamous game that still leaves scars in Sonic's history, and having him just come back when his whole story revolved around a game that ppl do not want back is tricky. At least with Silver they rewrote his future a bit, and Blaze already had lore. Elise might still exist but they can mention Soleanna without having to explore too much of its past game story. Mephiles was pivotal to a plot that Sega does not want to bring back. So, i don't think they'd want to bring him back in his initial form. I also think they're trying to stray from the god stuff Sonic 06 brought into the series(besides the End).

But then I thought about IDW's canon. Where its almost sorta filler, it'll acknowledge the games but the game will only reference its characters and story in passing(so far). IDW would probably be the best place to put Mephiles so that he gets an arc without it affecting the mainline games, but still exist. Still I think we need to go further in. Solaris was not only killed in the future, but erased from existence in the beginning. Existence was rewritten to what it is now, how to you bring back a character that was not only killed, but erased? Well for the killed part, what about reincarnation? Weakened to a mortal form with lesser powers(still reminiscent of the past, but not to the time manipulation powers it once was. Essentially, mostly just the shadow powers with some new perks, but no time travel or time god powers). There can be many ways to introduce a reincarnated character, but I have an idea in mind ill elaborate on later. Next, for the erased part. Well, my idea was, why not use Null Space? Maybe what Eggman assumed was a realm created by the Phantom Ruby was actually a pocket dimension where things that didnt make sense in the new reality were put into. It has so little lore and its not very explored, rewriting it a tad wouldn't be a big deal. There was things in Null Space, despite it being described as a place of nothingness. Everything that was from the 06 reality that couldnt fit neatly into the new one was put into this pocket dimension that's essentially the void. Thats where "Mephiles" has been this entire time.

Back to the reincarnation bit, having a character like this means that while this character is in fact Mephiles, it also sorta isn't. I think this grey line where it brings back Mephiles but can be its own character in time would help ppl feel more confident in bringing him back. He wont be 100% the same, but he still has those qualities that made him seem so cool in the first place. Cold, manipulative, and destructive. Trying to always be one step ahead of others.

My idea of bringing Mephiles back would be in the form of a child. Why? Well when I think of being reverted to a weakened state, i sometimes default to children. Children also represent untapped potential, the ability to grow and change, and be easily influenced by their environment. For a character that beckons to the past but also has the ability to grow beyond it, being a child makes sense to me thematically. Also the idea of the edgy, cold merciless personality being in the body of a child is endearing to me. I actually designed a hedgehog form for this character that's supposed to harken back to Mephiles' initial form, but look like his own person. Its not what I think is the ideal form for the character, but hey i tried. My tablet broke tho so its only a doodle.

I like the straightjacket look of it, and it's loosely based on the scepter of darkness because this body is a mortal cage for Mephiles' soul. Its supposed to look like a creepy edgy kid, Mephiles himself is kinda offputting in that way anyways. Might simplify the little thorn spikes from the shoes or waist, or remove em entirely. The coat is also supposed to cover his body markings, in case one would want to keep his identity a bit of a surprise, initially. The claws are summoned, not inherently a part of his body. Looks like Mephiles' hands, just bigger. Also partially inspired by Sig from Puyo Puyo.

Since this is Mephiles-but-sorta-not, he needed a new name. I wanted to keep it close to the original Mephiles while still having its own identity, so I did research. And uh, it was probably very obvious for most but he's supposed to symbolize both God and the devil? So Mephiles is short for Mephistopheles from Faust, which also became another name for Satan. Iblis was a demon in the Islamic tradition that is also another name for Satan somewhat. And Solaris, which is a name that harkens to the sun(being a sun and time god), also harkens to Satan's original name Lucificer(meaning light-bringer/bearer, keep that in mind). Plus with the 6's of different features in the first phase and then turning into an angel of light in the final, its kinda obvious who Mephiles is supposed to represent. Well, besides also being a fusion of the concept of God, for relating to light and time. On a side note, looking into a game ive played but had no interest in, Sonic 06 really was supposed to be such an ambitious game. It had all these plot intricacies, metaphors, and the weight of fighting a god was supposed to be really heavy. It was supposed to be the biggest fight in Sonic history. The biggest bad who ever bad-ded. It was meant to be so important. It was probably obvious to most, but it was only by looking into it that I got an appreciation for 06. Its just a shame that it ended up how it did. But anyways, back to names. So I wanted to follow the same theme as Mephiles, Iblis, and Solaris, being that they are all names for the Devil. Lucifer was considered the original name for the Devil, but I dont want to be that obvious. Well, i looked into the name, and Lucifer actually had greek origins with i believe the God of Venus. Well, another name for the god of Venus was Phosphorus(which guess what, also means light-bringer!). So i shortened it, and behold, the new name is Phos. So we have a design and a name! Whats the story?

Well, I don't have everything planned out, but I did have a few bullet points I'll post here:

Reincarnation of Mephiles, stripped of divine power but has his shadow manipulation still 

Lives in the Null Void from Forces(the Null Void is actually a pocket of space created when the original reality deleted itself.)

When Sonic enters and escapes Null Void, Phos leaves as well. 

Has no memories, bumps into sonic and co 

Wants to learn who he is, gets attached to sonic due to familiarity

Hates shadow, like original counterpart

Shadow does not trust him at all, and Sonic is suspicious but hey, they dont know who Mephiles is anyways. The kid looks sketchy but hes also abandoned and amnesiac, it would feel pretty bad to beat up a child. Maybe not for Shadow lol.

Has extreme empathy, but no sympathy: Is able to read people to an inhuman degree and reflect their emotions like a mirror due to lacking individuality(initially)

Starts off as cold and emotionless, incredibly manipulative due to the ability to detect the feelings of his target. 

Ends up living with Vanilla and Cream as compromise(its really funny that Cream befriends a demon baby)

He does good things and makes friends not cuz he wants to, but because he figures making allies and doing what he can so they dont kick him out will help out more in the long run. When he messes up and his morality is questioned, hes able to barely stay by putting things in his favor and talking it out.

Maybe initially tries to manipulate Sonic, but later learns of the strength of his character.

Gradually not only understands the emotions of others, but begins to absorb them as well, gaining his own feelings based on the ideals of the people in his life, primarily Sonic, Shadow, and Silver(the three who killed him in the first place)

Eventually learns about the truth, plots to regain his other half and reach his deity status somehow

Maybe ties into targeting Blaze for her fire powers? Could be related to what happened to Iblis after the reset.

????

When he realizes he wants to be his own person and choose his life, its too late and he's becoming Mephiles. 

Sonic and co go to save him, fight ensues, Phos helps from inside his own shattered mind, and is eventually able to revert back to normal, keeping his weakened powers but is not inherently evil or empty anymore. Still kinda cold and crafty but he's doing it for good(or what he believes in good, kinda stubborn like Shadow).

Joins the cast as a regular character. 

So for his powers, I kinda simplified them into a few things:

Shadow manipulation powers. Absorbs shadows, can merge into shadows to hide or teleport between them. Maybe the shadow balls come back, not sure. Can make shadow-y clones too.

Crystalline powers. Harkens back to his past body. Is able to make claws out of a crystal like substance and slash at things. Maybe can shoot them like projectiles too.

Idk if he'd keep his ability to morph into other peoples appearances though. IDW already has that one guy and its not like Mephiles made exact copies. Plus he already has his own body. Considering that Phos is meant to be somewhat empty inside and reflects the emotions of his peers, it could be fitting. Maybe when he becomes more introspective he shifts into the appearances of other characters when he thinks about them. idk.

But uh yea that was everything i had written down(i made notes based on the late night brainworms I was getting that lasted a couple of hours. This was the fruit of that labor haha.) I'm not saying this is the perfect way of bringing him back, its possible people will be upset with this version or not prefer it, but hey i like it so its gotta mean something. Technically by writing this down it kinda guarantees SEGA would not use it anyways, so its not important anyways. I might keep this as my own oc and doodle more concepts of this schemer demon baby in the future though, I think it's really neat. The idea of having a powerful small child with emotionless whims that you pray stays on your side is very cool to me, and this whole thing was fun practice anyways. I hope you guys have a good one, if you have any critiques or ideas you'd like to share id love to hear it. Just uh, be nice to me please lol. I'm trying my best. But yea that's it, thanks for entering my brainstorming personal hell.

[basilthymee]

tellme about your murder drones ocs im meowing so loudly and patheticly outside your door basil let me in

omg hii troja so uhh. theres a bit of lore surrounding them so ill put it all under the cut :3

I have four murder drones ocs so far, three of which are an experimental type of disassembly drone called a "Street Cleaner". I go more into detail abt them in this doc! (This is pretty much an intro doc to my ocs lmao)

But if you don't feel like reading that, I can give a quick rundown!

1st up is STRT_CLNR01 (Amy)

The first of her kind, she's the one with the most reliance on her external fuel tank! Her weapon of choice is a massive JCJ-brand hammer! She is incredibly nervous all the time, probably due to the fact that she was experimented and modified while she was completely awake! That definetly isn't traumatizing! Despite her weak look, she is the most dangerous in close-quarters combat! Outclassing her two siblings by far! Don't make her mad, or something...

2nd up is this guy... STRT_CLNR02 (Kay)

He is the embodiment of the smirk emoji. An insufferable guy that will try to hit on you no matter who you are. It is the group's sniper, armed with a long-range rail gun and deadeye precision he's capable of killing his target from kilometers away! Kay is much less dependant on his fuel canisters, as he was built to be much more efficient, although it still needs it to avoid overheating too much.

Last but not least, STRT_CLNR03 (Sarah)

The final iterator of the street cleaner project, Sarah is a cold-hearted machine, fully dedicated to the company and the completion of any mission she is assigned. Their weapon is a massive buzzsaw, capable of shredding through even the toughest of metal. Despite her bored attitude, she is incredibly skilled in close-quarters combat. The mask at this point is decorative if anything, still helping in regulating her internal tempreature but she can go several hours without it with no problem!

Uhh i also have Serial Designation B "Bit"!

This little piece of shit has done lots of bad things but i wont spoil anything cause im still in the process of writing his story!!!! giggles

So thats about the jist of it! I have two other docs I wrote about Amy and Sarah that go more into their character if you want to read them!

[skaluli]

people are a lot more critical of eddsworld on tumblr so if u wanna just go off and post a whole college essay of ur criticisms then dont worry about getting eaten alive for it or anything lol

lmao sure king, i know youre probably thinking of the "criticisms of eddsworld" post that i had in my drafts but i need to finish that. instead so nobody is hungry, ill post the script of me "the end of the eddsworld discord server" here and honestly i have always felt safer here. i left twitter because of certain people and certain feelings. mental health is shit and my paranoia is shitter.

The End of the Eddsworld Discord Server

(A script by skaluli for a video that never came out and probably wont.) click" Keep reading" to begin. its kinda long? and has some pictures. (Also afterwards are extra screenshots from the discord that didnt fit into the video itself.)

Well- Cuts to - yes im using the dementia music, this video was supposed to come out before or even close after the closure of the server. Stuff happened and I’m tired. Please excuse what I say that may not matter anymore. I just want to get a video out and it starts by pushing this. ZZZZZZZZ. Happy Halloween or Christmas honestly it could be either.

I suppose it was going to happen at some point, it’s finally the end of the eddsworld discord server. Well expect for the patrons, they still get to do whatever lol. If you’re not in the loop, eddsworld had a discord server, to sum it up it was a place to converse with fellow edd-heads and well isn’t amino. But of course, it doesn’t come out with its own flaws. I mean there was a whole twitter account to showing the weird side of it. It’s over, the eddsworld discord is dead. Whatever the fuck all this is, is gone. Originally this was going to be made a few days before the closure of the discord but I got busy. Busy to the point where the discord server closed like a month ago [THAT’S SO FUNNY SKALULI ITS BEEN EVEN MORE MONTHS] and I’ve only started this script now. It’s called poor time management, don’t be me. [AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA] So, let’s just attempt to bullet point this stuff. Also warning now, I might not have screenshots of everything and I can’t get anything else because well paywall, and even if I did pay, I don’t even know if the original chat still exists. AAAAAA, anyway. I guess I shall start with the “paywall”. So as you know or maybe didn’t or didn’t hear what I said before, the eddsworld server technically didn’t close, just to access the chats and stuff you have to be a patron. But listen kings we get the bloody announcements and twitter feed, yeAHHH. Ahem. Some questions being asked were along the lines of, well why didn’t you just make a separate patron server. Therefore, people not paying still get a somewhere to talk to other eddsworld fans under moderation. Of course, many questions like that and more being asked because well this kinda came out of nowhere. One of the issues is the fact that nobody was answering any of the questions being asked. Avoiding it essentially. Saying things out of the blue, I assume to try and calm the scenario that was created.

Which well got people angry, because well they have a reason to, and you can not deny that. But the thing is the anger got so out of hand that people just started death threating mods. A big note I have to make is that the mods, the crew of which is not Chris or Matthew, and or any of the pateron supporters had a choice in this. They most likely didn’t even know it was coming. You shouldn’t death threat mods and not even just mods just other patreon supporters. [I don’t have screenshots of this but im going by word of someone who said that that was happening to them.] You don’t need me telling you this, it’s basic knowledge. But you do know why they’re doing it though. Because what do you expect by suddenly taking a once-free community and putting a pay-wall over it. Of course people are going to be upset and lash out, even to these extremes. Yes the mods don’t deserve to get treated like this, but they’re getting treated that way by the fans in this case because of what you did. You being Chris and or Matthew. And you yourself not answering on behalf of mods. Leaving themselves having to speak for themselves on a situation that they had no control over. Having to dose the fires of a fire they didn’t even start. An issue being said that the server was getting to out of hand, so it’d just be easier to do what they did [kill the server]. But then why don’t you just hire more mods to manage the community you created? Who knows.

Also not to put my own opinion in here but I kept seeing messages being like “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this�� what the fuck. No offense but don’t say that, never say that. Stop. Just pretty please don’t try to speak on behalf on a man that’s been dead for over a decade and act like you would know what he would have wanted. Sorry for the tangent just I see this happening when whatever happens and kids commenting “Edd wouldn’t have wanted this.” Please shush.

Listen I hate kids, I know they can be dumb as shit, I mean after just hearing all that especially. But also, at the end of the day I care about them and if they like and feel safe in the hell of the eddsworld server than you shouldn’t take it away from them. I understand that fan servers are being made but oh god my paranoia of something going wrong since it doesn’t have “trusted moderation” I’m not sure how to put it. It was really only the official safe space to communicate with other eddheads. I just worry that there will be some with ill intentions. I think you can allow me to think that at this point.

And to end it all off, you know how the server’s purpose was just to keep patron content to patrons.

Damn that sure did work.

-cut-

[Note I didn’t write this “now” I wrote this a few days after I mashed this script together.] Okay originally the script ends there on a somewhat snarky remark but while pacing I thought about how I want to make sure my point gets across. I make these videos to help and not harm, by saying that I mean there seems to be a lack of communication between the fans and the crew. And personally, myself I want to try and make a bridge between the two, my own attempts being to show each side and see everything through a different view. Not only I criticize the fans because I want them to improve, I criticize eddsworld because I want the same out of them. Neither is better than the other.

Bonus readout:

Also a request for someone:

Vine thud and then cat thumbs up

END OF SCRIPT

do note that sometimes i change things while recording and dont edit it into the script since well im supposed to be the only one who sees it and says it blah blah.

i have many other various screenshots i took before the discord closed, as i didnt know exactly what i'd need for the video.

here you can have them:

finally the dates of the files since i last touched them: word doc:

audio:

sony vegas:

if you need any clarification on what i mean or say just ask /gen most times i just word things in a way so i can understand it because my brain is fucked.

only thing that isnt here is the audio i recorded for the video and the beginning of the edit of the video. you dont need to hear my voice.

if you need anything else ill be around. i have other screenshots of various other things. 

even something that i dont think the person knows anyone got a screenshot of.

anyway im tired like always and forever, i need to work on it. maybe actually take my meds lmao. thank you eddsworld tumblr for allowing criticism of the show. have a good rest of your life.

[drpeppertummy]

Pls do Leon for all ;; I love this man so much

ALL,,,,,,,,,, i was gonna tell u to come back with less but u know what . hes my special little guy im going for it [under a cut for 8 million miles length, warning for various bad eating habits, mentions of past abuse/trauma, addiction, self loathing, etc]

🎵 Do they have a noisy tummy? Is there anything unique or notable about the sounds their tummy makes? - i dont think theres anything too special about his tummy noises but it does have a lot to say. he either neglects to eat or eats absolute garbage, has a tendency to eat too much garbage in one sitting, chews a lot of gum (alternative to smoking) & gets bloaty from it, etc he does not treat his poor tummy kindly & it has no issue with speaking up about it

🏃 Do they eat faster or slower than average? If so, are there consequences? - he tends to eat way too fast & winds up 1. full of air and 2. too full bc he ate too fast for the fullness to catch up with him until its too late

🤬 How do they act when they're hungry? When they're too full? Which is worse? - he tends to be relatively quiet in his suffering so neither is awful. he forgets/works through/skips meals often enough that its just standard business for him, he'll be tired & achy & low energy but not That much more than usual. too full is probably worse bc a belly full of crap may incapacitate him for a while & then hes all sad & miserable

🥺 How do they feel emotionally when they eat too much? - shitty ! his lousy ex husband bill always made him feel awful about himself for overeating, putting on weight, etc & that mean-ass voice is still in his head. & he also feels like a stupid asshole for putting himself into that situation

🫢 Do they have any kind of belly kink or awareness of it? Do any of the characters around them? - i dont think so, although shel is very fond of his tummy but not necessarily in a kink way

📅 How frequently do they get into tummy shenanigans? - All The Dam Time [see first question] its rare for his tummy to Not feel at least a little crappy or be at least a little bloaty

🫥 Are they able to hide their hunger? Do they try to? - he tries & he usually succeeds at least until his belly starts growling enough to notice. cant hide it from shelly tho that guy can read him like a book

🤢 Are they able to hide it when they're too full? Do they try to? - Not At All. he tries to downplay it but he cant even try to hide it bc its useless. his tummy sticks out so much

🛌 What's the number one thing they want when they're too full? (belly rubs, sleep it off, lay down, etc) - mostly he just wants Comfort. wants someone to hold him so gentle. & if he feels all yucky n queasy he wants to sleep it off

🕒 What's the longest they've gone without eating? How did they feel? - probably like a day and brother . He Did Not Feel Awesome

break bc it straight up will not let me put all this in one block

🥘 What's the most they've eaten in one sitting? How did they feel afterwards? - i have 2 scenarios in my brain. one is the time someone talked him into weight watchers & he snapped like 3 days in & ate a ton of random crap in the middle of the night and the other is eating an entire pizza in one evening for no good reason. hes a little guy and in both scenarios his belly is so distended he can barely move. hurts and feels like a dumbass

🍽️ What's the most they can eat without getting a bellyache? - Good Quastion it depends on What hes eating. i think if he goes out for lunch somewhere & gets like a decent-sized sandwich & fries or some shit he can finish the whole thing & be just about at his limit before it becomes uncomfortable

🛑 Do they tend to stop eating when they're comfortably full, or do they keep going? Why? - he has a tendency to go overboard for various reasons. knows the food wont stay good any longer, eating his feelings, cant stop picking at it, etc

🧑‍⚕️ Do they usually ask for comfort when they don't feel good, or does somebody just know to comfort them? - hes too ashamed to ask for comfort. he feels awful making anyone worry about him. lucky for him shel knows when he needs a little extra care

💝 Do they want comfort when they don't feel good--even if they won't admit it--or do they prefer to deal with it alone? - he wants comfort So Bad even tho he doesnt think he deserves it & doesnt wanna worry anyone he wants nothing more than to be held & comforted when he feels shitty

😢 Are there any specific foods that upset their belly? - i dont think theres anything really Specific & his body is so used to eating like shit that its more the quantity of whatever hes eating than the food itself

🎈 Do they ever find themselves feeling bloated from something other than food? (swallowed air, too much liquid, period, illness, etc) - swallowed air is a big one, both bc of the fast eating & the gum, and liquid is also one. it doesnt really come up in my writing much but he is a (semi-recovering) alcoholic & this naturally causes some considerable bloating

🍎 If the goal was to eat as much of one food as possible, what food would they choose? Why? - i dont know if its the Best choice but i think hed go fries. that guy can put away some fries. even when his belly is absolutely stuffed he cant stop pickin at fries

👕 Have they ever had a belly-induced wardrobe malfunction? (popped button, shirt riding up, etc) How did they feel about it? - almost certainly. his empty tummy is nothing to write home about but it gets Impressively big, bordering on looking pregnant, if hes really full/bloated. i dont have a specific scenario in mind but whatever it was hed be absolutely mortified, even if nobody witnessed it

😈 Have they ever gotten into tummy shenanigans on purpose, for their own pleasure or somebody else’s? - no. he doesnt need to tho bc it happens by accident enough

😝 How would they feel if someone teased them for being hungry? For being too full? - he can laugh at himself a little when hes hungry but if someone teased him for overeating hed probably cry

😟 Are they shy about their belly for any reason? - he Hates his belly he thinks its so ugly. all he can see when he looks at it is this pasty doughy un-masculine mommybelly. he hates how chubby it is he hates the stretch marks he hates his dumb little appendectomy scar & bill Really hammered it into his head that his body is unappealing, esp after having their baby

🖼️ How would someone close to them describe their belly, in appearance or otherwise? - to contrast that last response, shel would describe his tummy as Absolutely Adorable and soft and pillowy and warm and squeezable and very nice to touch

🕴️ Is there a certain type of situation that frequently results in tummy shenanigans for them? - some days he'll go to wawa after work for a snack/dinner & overestimate how much he can eat bc hes starving. winds up getting a bunch of greasy crap & giving himself a bellyache

⚖️ Has their weight changed at all over the years? How do they feel about it? - hes never been really skinny but hes def put on some weight over the years. he mightve been ok with it if bill hadnt been so awful to him about it but alas

🫄 Has there ever been a time when their belly was so bloated that it got in their way/made a task difficult? - his belly sticks out Far when hes really bloated. things like washing the dishes when his bellys pushing against the counter, trying to reach to the bottom of the washing machine, etc become Awkward And Uncomfortable

🧐 Is it obvious when they’ve overeaten, be it by the appearance of their belly, their behavior, etc? - even if his belly wasnt Crazy Distended i think itd still be clear that whatevers in there is weighing him down, esp if its something really heavy thats got him feeling kinda queasy

🍔 Has another person ever caused them to overeat deliberately or unintentionally? - shel has def gotten him to eat too much unintentionally. not his fault he wants leon to eat good food for once🤷

🫧 How do they feel about burping in front of others? Does it happen often? - i think it happens fairly frequently with the amount of air he swallows & he tries to keep it quiet or swallow it back down bc hes a little embarrassed about it

☹️ Have they ever forced themself to finish eating something that they didn’t want to finish? - probably, if he didnt think he was gonna be able to save it for later. doesnt wanna waste it & if nobodys around to share it with hes gonna cram it in

😍 Does anybody give their belly extra attention even when it feels perfectly fine? How do they feel about it? - shel is all over his tummy he Loves that thang. leons all bashful about it but it Does make him feel loved & it helps to combat some of those negative thoughts since shels affection is so genuine

💭 Have they ever had a memorable tummy shenanigans incident that other people still bring up to this day? - i think he once overate at a work party & popped a button upon sitting down. hell on earth humiliation. one of his annoying coworkers still brings it up from time to time. he wants to bite her head off

🚗 Does their tummy get upset from things other than food or hunger? (nerves, vehicles, etc) - he gets carsick if hes not the one driving. nerves probably also but thats indistinguishable from any other aspect of his day to day life

🛏️ Does anybody ever use their tummy as a pillow? If so, how do they feel about it? What’s it like for the other person? - shellyyyyy i just Know shels using his belly as a pillow its so soft & plush & cozy he'll fall asleep on it so fast esp bc leons playing with his hair while hes layin there. & then leons Stuck There. he thinks its kinda sweet tho

🙄 Is there a certain type of recurring tummy shenanigan that they’re notorious for? - everything .

🫱 Do they like having their belly touched? In what circumstances, if any? - hes a little skittish about it even with shel bc of The Insecurity & also bc bill would like jab n pinch him so sometimes he still flinches a little (shel wants to hunt bill down & skin him alive every time that happens) but he Does like when shel rubs his belly once he settles into it