#im trying to make a bundle pack but idk how!!

[writandwit]

BRUSH REVEAL?? 😊😊😊

[separatedleoau]

hi! im new here- after looking through the blog a lil i noticed the ask about draxum finding out about dr delicate touch but i dont think i saw any asks about this (im deeply sorry if there was and i missed it or if you don't wish to answer) what is draxum's reaction to dr delicate touch? it's probably nothing special but given how mikey seems to switch it strikes me as dr delicate touch not being a... idk the right word for this, but i guess mask? or persona that he puts on? it could be that and i might just be seeing things that aren't there but honestly dr delicate touch (and dr feelings) seem like entire other personalities shoved into mikey that he just... has. like, really good friends that ACTUALLY live inside his brain rent-free. i could be wrong but- what does draxum think of dr delicate touch?

Draxum doesn't get to see Dr Delicate Touch until after he gets redeemed but he'll also find it as hilarious as One does (tho he doesn't show it)

When One first tells Draxum he is still laughing and can barelly explain, so Draxum doesn't relly get what's so funny until he sees it himself and externaly he has an emotionless face, but he is trying not to laugh.

The fact that the little bundle of joy that is Mikey can pack so much anger and can deliver the truth in such harch and raw way is, for some reason, very funny for both Draxum and One. Unfortunely, that makes them (almost) inmune to Dr Delicate Touch

[xpiester333x]

And finally, to complete my yearly game posts, here's what I plan on playing in the year 2024:

1. Assemble With Care - a short little game I should be able to knock out in a few hours but I picked it up in a bundle and I have wanted to play it so I will try to knock it out this year.

2. I'm more than half way done with Baldur's Gate 3 but I likely will be playing it through January. I hope to finish it at least once before P3R.

3. Bloodborne - help.

4. Borderlands 2 - since I had such a blast playing Borderlands with my boyfriend this year, I'm looking forward to giving this game a second chance and hopefully enjoying it much more.

5. Borderlands 3 - a little less hopeful for this one, since I haven't heard much good about it, but might as well knock out the main franchise.

6. Boyfriend Dungeon - I just got this for Christmas and I'm excited for the concept of romancing my weapons :)

7. I'm also more than halfway through Catherine, so I also intend to finish that in the coming month.

8. Cat Museum - something cute and short I picked up on mega sale and want to make an effort to play this year.

9. The Coffin of Andy and Leyley - I actually have no idea what this game is about or if I'll like it but it was a gift so dammit I'll play it.

10. Dragon's Dogma 2 - Dragon's Dogma is easily in my top 10 games of all time, and I am SO hype for this game. The only downside is it's coming in March, and the first quarter of 2024 is pretty PACKED with games for me.

11. Etrian Odyssey - because I never finished it when I owned it on DS but I'm in my Atlus Games era rn so

12. Far: Lone Sails - I was drawn to this game for the art and it seems like a quick little experience of a game.

13. Final Fantasy 16 DLC - blanketing over the currently available DLC and the up and coming DLC.

14. Hades - a carry over from 2023's list but THIS WILL BE THE YEAR (maybe)

15. Haven - I don't think (?) this game is very long but it looks very heartwarming so I'm here for it this year.

16. Little Nightmares 2 - another fairly short game that I have no reason not to play, especially when I'm obsessed with the first one.

17. Little Nightmares 3 - I don't know what the release date is yet but like Borderlands let's try to close out a franchise!

18. Metaphor: ReFantazio - it doesn't even have a release date and I'm already excited about it.

21. Nier Automata - another carry over from 2023, but I have a good feeling about it this year.

19. NEO: The World Ends With You - I hear only good things about this game but I will be walking into it 98% blind.

20. Nightingale - Idk how much I'll actually play this game but my friend and I have been watching its development for years and we are READY

22. Nier Replicant - I watched a friend play some of this and it looked fun, and since I saw it was free on PS plus... why not.

23. Octopath Traveler - this is to feed my JRPG addiction but break up some of my Atlus obsession

24. Opus: Echo of Starsong - This was a gift like 2 years ago and I really want to play it through this year.

25. Persona 3 Reload - I ALREADY TOOK VACATION FOR IT IM SO READY 38 MORE DAYS

26. Persona 4 Arena - Because I think it's the only readily available Persona game I haven't played yet.

27. Sea of Stars - I'm more than half through this too, I stopped playing it to play Tactica so I'll be finishing this soon as well.

28. Shin Megami Tensei 3: Nocturne - I put a fair amount of time into it this year, and I adore this game. I'm finishing it next year.

29. Shin Megami Tensei 5 - for real this year, I promise (🤞)

31. Undertale - why have I not played this? Why did it sit on my list last year untouched? Why did I install it and never play it? The world may never know.

30. Soul Hackers 2 - because again, I'm in my Atlus Games era and I bought it this year so time to play it.

32. Untitled Goose Game - for casual hijinks

I'm even more ambitious this year than last year and thats without knowing even half of whats to be released in 2024 sooo wish me luck.

[booyouimcrazy]

A letter to my man: Post-Dated

Hehe, post-dated. yep, that's there like that for a reason.

You're only going to see this post dating me.

But it's 20.11.22 and we just had a chat about you going to Copenhagen tomorrow or well, Monday.

but me?

Im dreaming of the day i first get to surprise you.

It's the scene of a rom-com for me.

It has to be.

It's you.

You're my rom-com.

Obviously, you don't know this,

But there's a lot riding on you.

I want you forever.

But i also don't know if we're right at allllll together.

So my brain just does somersaults around you and the thought of you.

While my gut flexes in turned on,

Because you do things to me.

I dream of flying to London and taking a late train to show up at your street.

In the evening.

With a flower.

I think I'm always going to bring you a flower.

Or try to, atleast.

Only because you deserve one,

I've felt love twice in my life,

And of the two, a lot's riding on you.

But to call you, maybe for the first time ever, idk, we'll see,

On WhatsApp,

and ask you if you want to step out for a walk.

And be out in the street waiting for you.

Obviously if it's raining, big bonus.

Cause i imagine two sentences of conversation post hugging you, before our faces are inches apart and i have to ask if i can finally kiss you?

Im not sure it gives me butterflies but it definitely has me excited.

And to take you for a walk,

So you can hold me and kiss me and talk to me,

Before i return you home for dinner.

But i wonder.

How are you going to get the flower in?

Odd to come back from a walk with a flower, no?

Which is also why i downgraded to bouquet btw. (Yep, i actively thought about it)

I hope you're the kind of man that's sentimental and will keep the flowers i give him,

Idk to maybe write me poems at some point.

Yes i did just put you and poems in the same sentence, because i adore your words.

You're British, i was bound to adore you from the get-go anyway.

Buuuuut but but but, i want to then text you the whole trainride home,

because i want you to pack your bags and come live with me in London for a couple days.

So i FINALLY get to have sex with this sexy, sexy, sexy man,

and bring his glorious kinks to life.

Me with only an apron on?

Oh honey, i will MAKE me a special apron for exactly this purpose.

Because i hope this time that I've got the craving of your touch right,

the last time i fell for someone first over text then everything else, ended horribly.

This time,

We really went from 0-100 in 6 hours.

So noooowwww,

tall orders.

Hehe, tall orders, cause you're mine.

I cannot WAIT to flirt with you,

and turn you red in the face,

and convince you to come back and touch my body back in India.

Max,

I hope you're mine,

Because i really want you to be.

You're a soft, pillowy bundle of gentleness.

You feel things and read things, the way I've always wanted a man to.

Well, most things other than me, so i guess we'll figure how that goes.

I had to close my eyes to daydream about how i was going to kiss you the first time i kissed you.

Hug, then have faces really close to each other and stare deeply into each other's eyes when I say,

"Got a lot riding on this".

Before i bring the inside of my lips in contact with yours,

Giving you free entry into my mouth if youd like it.

Yours is quite inviting actually,

thankyou for asking.

[moonchildstyles]

Have Aster!H and his girl ever had a big fight? Like one that’s lasted for days. I feel like she’d be so sad and him too but not knowing how to deal with the sadness 😔

hi ! do you think you could do an aster harry & y/n super angsty blurb where maybe they get into a big fight? if u get the time ofc!! love ur writing

Soft aster angst is the way to go where they make up at the end and it's filled with love omg Harry would deffo cry cause he'd feel so bad for making her sad or angry aw my babies🥺🥺🥺🥺

I wonder if Harry and y/n ever have a fight, more than an argument sorry if I get angst but idk... it goes on for a few days and y/n is devastated because she thinks they broke up and Harry is too proud to say he's sorry 😣 but they keep asking Mitch and Sarah if the other one is okay "Did she have breakfast? She gets sleepy in class if she doesn't" "Did H pack his lunch?" until they can't bear it and one breaks and shows up at their door like 🥺🥺🥺 I'm sorry 🥺🥺🥺 she asks Harry "did we break up?" 🥺🥺🥺 and H says "omg angel, no, never" and hug for like an hour and kiss and it's all forgotten 😔

Please but just the thought of aster Harry and y/n having makeup sex? like he's emotional but has to keep everything at bay because she is extra soft and emotional and pouty? And trying extra hard to please him and holding him so close he can barely grind his hips against hers and is like "baby, everything's okay, we're okay but I can't really move rn" so she wraps her legs not so hard around his but kisses him lots instead 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay so!!!! im really nervous to be posting this but I really hope everyone likes it please tell me what u think! 

wordcount: 15k+

—————

(Y/N) didn't know who to blame for how the night turned out: herself or her parents?

Usually when he drove, Harry liked to put his hand on (Y/N)'s thigh or bundled between her two, but if she needed any more of a reminder of how awful dinner had gone, he was definitely getting the point across with the way he kept his hands fixed tightly around the steering wheel. The car was silent aside from the quiet flow of Harry's radio playing from a generic station. He hadn't said a word to her since the argument had broke out between him and her parents, an expected conversation but more than inappropriate in a public restaurant. (Y/N) didn't want to breach the chilly air between them either, instead alternating between picking at her nails and gazing out the window like she'd found the most interesting show.

The night had started in much higher spirits in her apartment. While she hadn't been particularly excited for the plans they'd made with her parents, she was happy at least to have Harry at her side for the night. He'd been the best hype person while she was getting ready, telling her how pretty she looked and making jokes about skipping out on their plans and letting him have her for dinner instead. It did wonders to calm (Y/N)'s jitters and keep a smile on her face despite what she knew the meal would turn into.

Since the first (and last) time her parents met Harry, they'd kept their icy distance. (Y/N) was fine with that, as long as she didn't think too hard about it, but one day they had reached out like their last reunion never happened. They didn't mention Harry at all, nor really anything about her life, but they were pleasant enough to invite her to dinner to celebrate a work award her father had been given. She was more than reluctant to go, afraid this was only a ploy to get her to talk to them again in order to fill her head with toxicity. But, (Y/N) couldn't help but hear out the little girl that lived in the back of her mind, the one that told her that maybe they really missed her and wanted to see her again after so long, maybe they even wanted to patch up what happened the last time.

And she'd always been bad at telling them no.

When she told Harry about the dinner plans, she knew he was disappointed. She remembered the way he took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest before rolling his lips between his teeth, his lip ring catching the light. He gave her this look, like he was surprised she agreed to the invitation. It felt like she had waited hours before he said anything, until he told her he wanted to go with her. He didn't want her going alone when he knew she wasn't going to be able to defend herself against the both of them. At the time, the thought of Harry accompanying her relieved a weight from her shoulders she didn't know she had. She remembered the way she jumped in his arms and thanked him with kisses and words of affection for taking on the duty of going along with her.

She certainly didn't remember thinking that the night would end like this.

The second her parents saw Harry walk in with her, their entire demeanor soured. The frown on her father's face and the terribly hidden disappointment distorting her mother's features brought her back to grade school reprimands that would plague her for weeks after. It only got worse when they saw her hand joined with Harry's own tattooed one as they approached the table. He had started as nothing less than a gentleman, Harry pulling her chair out for her and greeting her parents with more respect than they could muster for even their own daughter.

Though the meal was tense, nothing erupted until her father egged Harry on halfway through their entrees. He knew what he was doing when he made a comment about how he thought (Y/N) should consider moving back home, that there were too many bad influences tainting her. At first Harry just quietly rolled his eyes and continued cutting into his food with a little too much force, but then her father pushed one more time, directly asking Harry when he planned on tossing (Y/N) to the side because they had someone much better suited for her in her hometown. (Y/N) couldn't hear Harry's biting response, the words too drowned out by the sound of blood rushing in her ears, but she could definitely hear the argument that started after.

As she usually did when her parents went into attack mode, she shut down. She wilted in her seat and took every scathing comment with nothing to say back. She felt bad when she heard Harry begin to defend her and their relationship, just as he'd had in the past. The raised voices caught the attention of the diners around them, even causing a member of the wait staff to come by and ask them to either calm down or leave because the commotion was bothering other customers. Harry quickly chose the latter option, leaving her parents to their mumbled remarks as they made their exit. Since then, Harry had only spoken to her once. A sighed remark that she hadn't been able to stop from ringing in her ears the whole drive home.

"Thanks for the help," he had said before rounding the front of his car and getting in the driver's side without opening the door for her as he usually did.

That had set the tone for the forty-five minute drive back to her apartment. The heavy air in the car followed them as they made their way into her building, Harry lagging a step behind her as she led with with a pounding heart and shaking hands. (Y/N) didn't know what to say when she closed the door behind Harry, her boyfriend going directly into the kitchen and grabbing for a bottle of water in her fridge. She watched as he created dents in the plastic bottle from how intense his grip was, the heavy rings and black on his fingernails more intimidating than she remembered. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she took timid steps onto the tiled floors, hands fumbling together behind her back.

"D-Do you want to talk about it?" she peeped when he roughly slammed the bottle on the counter.

A humorless laugh left his lips, the usually sweet and rewarding sound leaving a sour taste in (Y/N)'s mouth. "Oh, so now y'want to talk?"

She deflated at his words, immediately fixing her gaze on her feet in the uncomfortable heels she'd worn for the night, "Harry, I—"

"Because, it jus' seems I had to do the talking all night, didn't I? I had to defend you and our relationship, again, while y'just sat there and let them say whatever they wanted." His words were firm and absolute, no room for argument when he finished. (Y/N) stood silent across from him, wanting to curl in on herself to avoid the side of Harry she hadn't seen since the night they first kissed on his couch. But, he wasn't done yet. "Am I supposed to do this for the rest of m'life? Defend us every time you're too scared to say anything to them? Because it's already gotten very old, (Y/N)."

(Y/N) took in a deep breath, already knowing her voice was going to waver when she heard her name fall from his lips. He never called her anything but sweet pet names, except for when he was mad, apparently. "You know it's hard for me to talk to them, especially when they're upset with me."

"It shouldn't be hard to defend me—defend us! You and I both knew this was going to happen tonight, but I still went because y'said y'wanted to talk to them. But instead, y'jus' sat there and let me take it all like last time." Harry's tone grew louder, (Y/N) becoming worried that Sarah might be able to hear through the walls.

"I-I didn't know what to say, and-and we were in public—" (Y/N) floundered over her words, tears glossing over her eyes she now had trained on Harry's own hands that were clenched around the mangled water bottle. "They're my parents, Harry, I can't talk to them like that."

"But they can talk to me like that? To you? Did y'even hear what they said tonight? Did y'hear them say they have been waiting for me to cheat on you? That I've turned you into 'some whore' but they'll 'fix you' once I leave you? Did y'hear any of that?"

A shaky exhale shook (Y/N)'s chest. If she was being honest, no, she hadn't heard any of that. She had shut down as soon as they started getting loud, not knowing how to deal with the fact that all of the fighting was her fault. She was too embarrassed to do anything but pretend like she wasn't there and that all the people around them hadn't stopped eating in favor of watching the spectacle they were putting on.

"Y'didn't, did you? Is it because you know 'm going to handle it? That 'm the one that's going to get into the screaming match with your parents, so y'don't have to worry about it?" Harry's voice boomed through the kitchen, his frustration mounting due to the lack of response on (Y/N)'s end.

She shakily shook her head, sparing a glance towards him where he was standing at his full height with his hands still wrapped in a chokehold around the waterbottle and his lips set in a stern line. His eyes were the most intimidating part, never leaving her form and callous like jade. "That's not why, Harry, please. Its hard to listen to them when I know nothing I do is going to make them happy. I never know what to say back to make things better."

"But, why do they always get to be happy? Why do y'worry about that? Why can't we be the happy ones? You always pick their happiness over ours. Are you always going to pick them over me?! "

"I didn't pick them ov—"

"You did! You picked them over me tonight when y'decided not to say anything and make me take it all. You did, (Y/N), and it hurt." There was something about the waver in his voice when Harry finished that broke her heart. She hadn't meant to hurt him, she thought she was doing the right thing by staying quiet.

"I'm sorry, Harry." She didn't know what else to say; she didn't trust her voice to keep steady when the lump in her throat grew and there were already tears threatening to leak from her waterline.

Harry took a deep breath, running a heavy hand through his hair and he tossed his gaze around the kitchen. "I know," he deadpanned, the fight in his voice now defeated.

A chilling silence settled over the apartment. (Y/N) watched as Harry sat his mangled water bottle down on the counter, much more gentle than she figured after seeing the way he handled it before. He finally matched her gaze again.

"D-Do you want to go to bed? Maybe, we can talk more in the morning whe—"

"I think its best if I go home tonight, (Y/N)."

She had already been on the verge of tears before, so she couldn't help it when a pair of traitor tears fell down her cheeks. (Y/N) was quick to wipe them away, not wanting Harry to see and feel like he had to stay when he so clearly didn't want to be around her.

"O-okay," she whispered, voice breaking around the word.

Harry silently nodded his head, mouth still in a straight line as he moved through the kitchen and around her. He didn't offer her a calming cuddle, any reassuring words, or even a softened glance. He stepped towards the door, his stiff back being the only view she was granted.

Just before he slipped out into the hallway, leaving her alone for the night (she hoped it was just for the night anyway), (Y/N) found the courage to stop him one more time.

"I-I love you."

A deep sigh lifted Harry's shoulders before he turned around for just a second. "I love you, too."

The next thing (Y/N) heard was the click of the front door sounding from behind him, and the static that filled the space in his absence.

She didn't know how long she stood there, wringing her hands and ignoring the pain in the arches of her feet for standing in her heels for far too long. She was only aware of the way the door never reopened to reveal Harry on the other side with an apology on his lips and his arms open for a cuddle.

He was going to come back, right? Or did she do something she wasn't able to fix?

"Hey, is everything okay?"

(Y/N) jumped at the sound of Sarah's voice, having missed her footsteps and the creak of her bedroom door opening. She quickly turned around to find her standing in the mouth of the hallway, a concerned look on her face.

"I don't know."

"Oh, (Y/N)." Sarah crossed the living room in quick strides, catching her friend in a hug as she scrubbed at the tears that had fallen over her cheeks. "I heard you guys fighting, did he go home?"

She gave a jerky nod as a response, her breathing coming in hiccups as she squeezed her eyes shut into Sarah's shoulder. "He's go-gonna come back, r-right?"

"Of course, he is," she reassured her, using a soft tone that only further reminded (Y/N) of Harry and the voice he reserved only for her. She cried harder at the memory.

"He-He's so mad a-at me, Sarah. He couldn't even l-look at me when he left." Her sobs only served to break her words into shattered syllables, shaking her chest and jumbling her thoughts.

"He loves you so much, (Y/N), you know that. I think he was just frustrated, and you know how he can get. I'm sure everything will be okay, he just needs a little bit of time."

"What if I ruined everything?" she whispered, the volume being the only thing saving her voice from cracking under the weight of her heartbreak.

A beat of silence passed between them, only the labored breathing of (Y/N) trying to even her exhales filling the void. Sarah pulled back from their hug first, looking to (Y/N) with a sad smile on her face.

"C'mon, let's go have a sleepover in my room. We'll do those face masks you wanted to try and we'll watch some awful reality TV."

Though she didn't feel better at all, (Y/N) appreciated the effort her friend was making. At least she knew she wasn't completely alone.

"Thank you."

—————

"Oh, I didn't know you were home."

Harry breathed a heavy sigh, his eyes feeling dry as he blinked out the sleep as he left his room. Evie was cuddled up into ball in the crook of his arms, purring happily as she had her ear pressed against his bare chest. He was sure he looked like more than a wreck, smeared eyeliner around his eyes he didn't take off the night before, the whites of his eyes bloodshot from tears he had shed in the middle of the night, and a pallid tone to his skin to account for the lack of sleep and food he skipped the night before.

"Yeah," Harry grumbled, completely disregarding the real question Mitch was posing.

A chill was sent up his spine as his bare feet hit the tiled floor of he kitchen. He wasn't even that hungry if he was being honest, he just knew he had to eat even if he didn't feel like it. Instead he figured he'd just make himself some coffee, something to keep him going through the day he had previously planned to be spending with (Y/N). The thought of her brought a pounding to his head. Last night was still a sore subject that he could barely think about.

"...Why?" Mitch pressed, looking over his shoulder from his spot on the couch. He knew he was breaching past some barriers Harry would rather not have anyone near, but he couldn't help the curiosity.

"Because," Harry deadpanned, watching his mug (it was actually Mitch's, but the only clean one of his was one (Y/N) had gifted him and he really couldn't handle any more reminders right now) slowly fill with plain, black coffee.

"Is everything okay?"

A tick appeared in Harry's jaw as Mitch insisted. Why couldn't everyone just leave him alone? Did everyone forget who he was when he wasn't playing puppy to a girl who didn't even love him enough to defend him? "'M fine."

"Is (Y/N) okay? It's just that you're usually with her aft—"

"We got into a fight, okay! That's what happened!"

Frustration bubbled up in Harry's system, he wasn't able to hold it back anymore at the sound of (Y/N)'s name. The hurt that was filling his heart started to burn in his chest, singeing his lungs and crackling smoke into his head. Despite the water that filled his eyes, it only spurred on the blaze in his chest. Behind the outburst, Harry was nothing more than just plain hurt over the night. It was never about what (Y/N) said, it was about what she didn't say.

"Oh," Mitch breathed, finally settling on the couch cushion now that he felt the fire of the dragon behind him. "A-Are you guys okay?"

Harry felt like a deflated balloon at the question, his shoulders sagging as he feebly reached for the cup of coffee. "I don't know," he mumbled, hoping Mitch heard so he wouldn't have to repeat himself.

In slow steps, Harry exited the kitchen with Evie trailing behind him, trying to weave between his steps as she usually did. Mitch stopped him as he fixed his position on the couch, sitting on the edge with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his palm. Surprise was evident on his friend's face, raising his brows and coloring his gaze in with sympathy.

"You guys never fight."

Harry couldn't help but let out a humorless laugh at the statement. "I know." The words were bitter on his tongue. At least he knew one thing.

"Can I ask what happened?"

A long sip of coffee created a lag time in Harry's answer. He dropped his gaze to his feet, pretending to be focused on Evie wiggling her way between in purring steps.

"No."

With that, Harry left the living room and back to the cave he was calling his room. Evie was his only companion as he locked the door behind him. He took measured steps towards his bed, sitting down on the edge with his eyes trained on the floor like he was ready for it to split open and explain to him what he was feeling and how to fix the mess that was made the night before.

He didn't understand the hurt in his chest, the rain cloud that was dampening his thoughts and demeanor. He hadn't felt hurt like this in so long, used to the thick, tattooed skin he had developed to protect him from this kind of pain. He wasn't hurt over what was said to him, he expected (Y/N)'s parents to start something with him. The only reaction they could elicit from him was momentary anger that burned out as fast as it started, but even then, the only thing they could do to provoke him was question his devotion to (Y/N) or try to beat her down as they did when she was growing up. What he was really hurt over was (Y/N)'s reaction—or lack thereof.

While navigating through the confusion that was the hole in his chest and the feeling of inadequacy floating through his system, waves of guilt followed afterwards that only interrupted his processing. When they got back to her apartment last night, things had gotten out of hand, he knew that. He took note of the small tears that had gathered in her eyes and the trembling of her hands. Seeing her upset and crying was heartbreaking for Harry, there was never a time he wanted to see her less than completely happy and filled with joy, especially if he had anything to do with it. But, he was just so upset.

He was so upset that it took bits of his rationality and painted them in red. While he wasn't completely blinded with rage (he would never allow her parents to win like that), the roar was just enough in his chest that he needed to let it out before it consumed him. The entire drive home allowed him to cultivate the angry words that left his mouth, backed by the insecure thoughts that gave them a standing in Harry's head. But a mandatory after effect of what transpired was the guilt that now followed him.

He put all of himself into loving (Y/N), every part of his world was consumed by her, and he wouldn't have it any other way, but maybe that's why it hurt so much. The hurt that washed over him like cold rain and the guilt that burned at his skin. It was a shift to his axis when he had to heard such biting words about his relationship and have his other half just let them go, and he didn't know how he was supposed to get over it for the second time.

It wasn't a secret that (Y/N) had a hard time standing up for herself, but it was more than discouraging and, overall, heartbreaking to watch her sit there, silent while he had to put everything in himself to defend not only him but their relationship. He was sure there were things from her childhood he would never know nor understand, with parents like her's it became second nature to keep secrets and she'd hold onto them for as long as she felt she had to, so he knew he couldn't blame her completely. But, that didn't mean it hurt any less. He had hoped that he had been able to build her up just enough to give her some confidence against them. He even hoped that maybe her love for him might be enough to overcome some of that fear.

He hoped that he would be enough to earn her fight. But, maybe that was something else he would have to work on—being enough for her to want to protect their love the way he did.

That's why he couldn't find it in himself to call or text just yet. He could barely make it out of bed on his achy muscles and stiff bones, let alone go over to the scene of the crime. He needed to figure out what he was feeling before he allowed his emotions to explode the way did in front of her (obviously, shouting got him nowhere but with shards of his broken heart poking into his chest and a cold bed waiting for him). He needed to devise a proper apology that would be enough to wipe her tears and quell the hurt he was sure he left in her, and tamp out the guilt that resided in himself.

So, he planned on waiting. He'd wait until he knew no one would get hurt.

—————

"Have you heard anything?"

(Y/N) tearfully shook her head, her unwashed hair falling into her face. "No."

Sarah tossed her the same apologetic glance that might as well have been her resting expression with the way it seemed to be the only one she could muster for the last twenty-four hours. "Maybe you should give him a call? He might be waiting on you."

She shook her head again, no longer trying to conceal the tears that threatened to spill over her waterline for the umpteenth time that day. "H-He doesn't want to talk to me, Sarah. You should have seen the way he looked at me when we were fighting. He b-barely told me he loved me before he left."

"He was just frustrated, (Y/N), I promise you he still loves you."

Those words had become familiar in the time (Y/N) had to stew over what happened. She only shook her head, glossing over what she perceived as empty reassurance and instead spiraling further into the murky water that dredged down her thoughts. "I th-think"—she cut herself off with a shaky breath, unsure if she was ready to hear these words out loud—"...Wh-What if we broke up?"

Sarah's jaw dropped, shocked that (Y/N) would ever come to that conclusion. "Oh my god, (Y/N), no, he would never break up with you!"

"Then, why hasn't he called?!" The outburst came broken on her tongue, already torn apart and stitched together with the amount of times she's asked herself that question.

(Y/N) watched through distorted vision as Sarah offered her a quiet I'm sorry, the mantra that had filled the last day. Her friend continued to prattle off the list of self-care things they could do in an effort to make (Y/N) feel better, but there was only thing she could think about.

Had she really caused the love of her life to fall out of love with her?

She replayed the night a thousand times, still not even registering what had been said around her, but knowing there were plenty of places to jump in and defend the relationship she held so near to her heart. Harry made it so easy to feel protected and comforted, that she hadn't thought about the protection he might want.

Had she really ruined the one thing in her life that made her truly happy?

"Maybe that'll help you feel a little better?"

Sarah's words pulled (Y/N) from the self-deprecating tangent her thoughts were turning into. She wiped her tears and scrubbed the trails from her cheeks.

(Y/N) nodded her head with an unconvincing smile. "Yeah, maybe."

—————

Harry pretended like he didn't notice the stares from the boys at the shop when (Y/N) didn't make her typical lunchtime appearance with the packed lunch she usually made for him on Mondays. He went about his business like he wasn't the smallest bit disappointed, but he knew he couldn't be upset. If he wanted to see her, he needed to reach out to her.

This was now day two since the infamous dinner and following argument. It was the longest he hadn't heard from her since they started dating almost a year ago. Even with the space and time, he still hadn't figured out what to say to her, what would make everything better. Mitch had tried to press him for more information before Harry left for the shop that morning, but he was quickly blown off before Harry rushed out the door with a scowl on his face. He felt lucky with his full book for the day, finding it much easier to focus on something else entirely than the weekend from Hell he'd just barely made it out the other side of.

It was when his scheduled lunch time came around that he couldn't escape the thought of her. He holed himself up in his darkened office, hiding from the prying eyes of his co-workers and the useless chatter from regulars that asked him about that "pretty girl" he'd been seeing. The hardest part about those questions was that he didn't know the answer; he didn't know how she was.

"Mate, your two-thirty is here. Do you want me to check them in?" Niall's call through the door made Harry jump in his seat. He had been slumped in the cushions of his couch, trying to figure out if the hole in his stomach was from hunger or guilt.

"Yeah, y'can check them in," Harry grumbled, running a heavy hand through his hair before letting out a deep sigh. He curled into himself, putting his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. He tried to remember what this appointment had even requested during their consultation, but none of his thoughts were in order.

"Harry?" Niall called again after a beat of silence.

With his head still in his hands and eyes closed, Harry called back, "Yeah?"

"Is everything okay?"

Another question Harry didn't know the answer to. "Yeah, 'm fine," he answered nonetheless.

Another moment passed, Harry figuring Niall had run off to check in his client like he'd said until another, much quieter question sounded through the door. "Can I come in?"

He wanted to tell him to go deal with the client like he said, to give him just one more second of solitude before he would have to surround himself with everyone that wasn't the one person he wished he was with. But, the longer he went keeping everything inside, the harder it was to function. Harry couldn't help the small smile the formed at that thought; (Y/N) really had touched every part of his life, made him a better, softer man.

"Yeah," Harry answered, sitting up straight to look a little more put together when his friend entered. Niall peeked around the open door, gauging the state of his boss before crossing the threshold and closing the door behind him. "What did y'need?"

"Are you sure everything's okay, H?" Niall pressed, sounding a lot like Mitch with the matching sympathy in his voice.

"Yeah," Harry brushed off, shrugging his shoulders, "Jus' a long day and everything, that's all."

Niall rolled his lips between his teeth for a moment before flicking his gaze around the otherwise empty office. The space was void of (Y/N)'s schoolbag and shy demeanor, the only remnants of her being a small scrunchie on Harry's desk and the blanket she frequented when she'd visit Harry while he closed.

"Would that have anything to do with the fact that (Y/N) isn't here?"

Harry grew stiff at the mention of her name. He wasn't used to Niall speaking of her in anything more than a teasing manor, always egging Harry on for details of their relationship or poking fun at the fact that it seemed he would rather die than call (Y/N) by anything but a sweet pet name. He didn't like the sound of it coming out in a soft, tip-toed question that Niall was more than reluctant to ask.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Niall pressed again after absorbing Harry's silence.

He thought he was ready to spill some of his feelings about the weekend, but now faced with that question, Harry thought better of that choice. "No."

Niall's gulp was practically audible in the silence of the room, Harry standing from his spot on the couch to go out and greet his client. Niall stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay if you guys broke up, I just want to make sure you're okay an—"

"We didn't break up!" Harry snapped, a visceral reaction at even the mention of ending his relationship with (Y/N). Sure, he was upset and confused after this weekend, but there wouldn't be anything that could make Harry question his devotion to (Y/N) or make him even consider breaking up with her.

Niall held his hands up in surrender, backing away as he let Harry pass. "Okay, I'm sorry, you just seemed really upset. I won't ask again."

Harry only let out a labored breath through his nose, needing to get out of the now suffocating room. The weight of Niall's words was too much to stand in the same space as them. He was lucky he'd had a reputation of being a bit of a grump, it made it much easier to get away with the scowl on his face as he exited into the main parlor area. There was no way he was going to be able to muster anything even close to a smile as Niall's words rang in his ears.

—————

Wednesday had rolled around with no communication from Harry. (Y/N) had gone to class for the last three days with more than enough distractions to keep her zoned out in the middle of lecture. She was already really bad about paying attention in class when she was tired, never learning her lesson that those extra five minutes in the morning really didn't make a difference, but there was now exhaustion lining her entire form. Her swirling thoughts about her relationship had kept her up for the majority of the night for the past four days in a row.

She was just happy she didn't have to go to the library that night as she drove home, unused to not having Harry in the driver's seat as he let her flip through his playlists to sound through the speakers. She noticed Mitch's car as she pulled into her complex, trying not to get her hopes up that for some reason Harry had to borrow his car in order to come see her again. No matter how hard she tried to fend off that hope, something in her still shattered when she saw it was, in fact, just Mitch coming by to see Sarah.

"Hey, (Y/N)," he smiled, offering a greeting wave from his spot in the kitchen with Sarah as they heated up something in the microwave.

"Hey," she peeped, brushing passed the sight of the happy couple in favor of the safety of her room.

With the door closed behind her, she allowed herself one vulnerable moment after such a long day. (Y/N) collapsed onto her bed, bag and shoes forgotten by her door as she curled into a ball on the bedding that smelled too much like Harry to effectively forget him.

This was heartbreak, wasn't it? It was everything that made love so worthwhile, but turned sour and bitter. While before, everything reminded her of him with a rose-tinted view, those same things now seemed bleak and blue. She wanted to be around him in the most self-destructive way, knowing that she would only be hurt the second she laid eyes on him. Her heart fluttered but in the most painful way when she remembered the way he said her name—and the way he didn't, having dubbed her so many wonderful pet names that made it that much easier to fall in love with him. The large stuffed bunny he gifted to her on Valentine's was now only a course reminder of what she missed most: her soft place to land in Harry's arms, the comfort in his hold.

Everything she loved now broke her heart in ways she was afraid couldn't be fixed.

A hallow rumble came from her stomach, reminding her of the breakfast she skipped. She didn't really want to eat, not wanting to leave the safety of her room for something as trivial as toaster waffles, but she knew Sarah would be upset with her if she didn't eat something. She changed into some comfortable clothes, making a point not to brush over the tattoo on her ribcage that would only serve to prick tears into her eyes. Shaking out her hair from the loose bun that kept her hair up, (Y/N) left her room to find Sarah and Mitch whispering on the couch before Mitch's eyes widened when he caught sight of her. Immediately, the hushed conversation ceased as she came into the room.

No doubt were they piecing together their sides of the breakup she couldn't even face.

"How have you been, (Y/N)? I haven't seen you in a while." Mitch turned in his seat, offering (Y/N) a soft smile she wouldn't have been able to catch the sympathy in if she hadn't been so accustomed to the sight for the past few days.

"I'm okay, busy with school and all. What about you?" (Y/N) absently began getting out her rudimentary meal of a pair of toaster waffles, indulging in the chocolate chip kind that Harry usually kept her from in the mornings so she wouldn't have a sugar crash in the middle of the day.

She deflated at the thought. Harry always took such great care of her.

"I'm good, I'm good," he answered, nodding his head as he looked over her with a gaze gentle enough she figured he was afraid to look at her for too long. "Miss seeing you around the house."

A sad smile colored (Y/N)'s features. She knew he was just trying to be nice, but she'd really rather not hear something like that. "Yeah," she sighed, quickly turning away before he could catch the way her bottom lip trembled.

She moved robotically as the pop of the toaster was enough to direct her though her next motions. As she dressed the slightly soggy waffles in a thin layer of peanut butter, something Harry had gotten her hooked on, when her eyes flitted over the time displayed on the stove. As if on cue, her thoughts circled back to the one place that was hardest to pull out of: Harry.

By now, he would be taking his late lunch at the shop, always wanting to take it as late as he could so the remaining hours of his shift went by faster. Although he was keen enough to plan that all out, he never managed to actually follow through on packing himself a lunch. More often than not, he would either wait for (Y/N) to come by with her own which he would mooch off of, or go down the street to an all student staffed cafe that was never as good as he wanted it to be. (Y/N) had even gotten into the the routine of packing lunches for him when she could, doing her small part to take care of him the way he did her. She hoped that he was eating his own lunch then, having kept up the routine for himself.

"H-Hey Mitch?" (Y/N) called tentatively, her feet lagging as they shuffled over the tile floor. She couldn't go back to her room until she was sure Harry was still taking care of himself, even if he didn't want to hear from her anymore.

"Hm?" he hummed, a bite of his own food in his mouth as he glanced over his shoulder at her.

"Would you,"—she cut herself off as she felt a heat rise to her cheeks, embarrassed to be checking up on someone who had made the choice not to speak to her for just a couple days short of a week—"D-Do you know if Harry has been packing his lunch? He usually forgets, so I've been doing it for him, but o-obviously I'm not right now."

(Y/N) fixed her gaze to her feet, would rather take the view of her sock-clad feet than the pitiful glances she was earning from the couch.

"I don't think he has," Mitch sighed, "But I'll let him know you wa—"

"No, no," she shook her head, "Don't tell him I asked, I don't want him to get upset."

"(Y/N), I think he'd be really happy to hear from you—"

Mitch cut Sarah off quickly, "It's okay, (Y/N), I won't tell him. I'll make sure he starts taking a lunch, though."

An appreciative smile colored (Y/N)'s features. She loved Sarah for all her attempts to make her feel better and encourage her to take the first steps to speak to him, but it was nice to not feel that pressure. "Thank you."

With that, (Y/N) padded back to her room, leaving the pair of them to restart their hushed conversation.

—————

"Sarah, has (Y/N) been having breakfast before she leaves? She gets sleepy in class if she doesn't and it makes her upset when she can't remember her notes and things."

Harry couldn't look at his friends as he spoke, pretending to be putting the finishing touches on a sketch he'd finished ten minutes prior. He felt a bit pathetic, going through their mutual friends instead of just sucking it up and speaking to her himself.

"I don't think she has," Sarah answered simply, surely taking Mitch's poorly whispered warning about Harry being a bit snappy at the moment.

He let out a sigh at her words, shoulders sagging and grip loosening around the pencil he was holding. He didn't like when she didn't take care of herself like that, it only served to hurt her three times over when she was too tired for class but too anxious to settle down until she reviewed all her notes ten times over to fill in the gaps she missed.

"Would y'remind her, please? I know midterms are coming up, so..."

He caught the way Sarah gave him a sad smile, the kind Mitch was careful not to give when he knew Harry was in a mood.

"I will."

"Thank you." Harry hadn't meant to, but when he paid attention to what he was drawing on the corner of the page, a familiar smile was beaming up at him.

—————

There was nothing (Y/N) appreciated more than a cancelled class, especially on Fridays, and especially right now. It was like her biology professor somehow heard her prayers and decided to throw her a bone, just this once.

She'd had a hard time focusing in lecture these passed few days, not even just from thoughts of Harry but from waves of sleepiness that needed effort from her to keep from slipping under. Now, it was only eleven in the morning, and she didn't have to close at the library tonight, so she had all the time in the world to mope in her room.

Tomorrow would make a week since she'd seen Harry last.

She was somewhat grateful for the approaching anniversary, the days signifying what she hoped would be the worst of it, leaving her to instead adjust to the new normal. She never thought she would ever have to worry about life after Harry, only with him, so it was a bit of a shock to her system. A broken heart was hard to live with, but she'd read once that it took twenty-two days to form a habit, so she only needed another sixteen days to get used to the feeling before she didn't even notice. Then, she would need to work on not thinking about Harry for twenty-two days, that habit sure to be the hardest to make.

But, she decided she start that journey tomorrow. She wanted just another night with him in her head, the one place she was still allowed to have him.

(Y/N) created a sanctuary in her room, trying to train her body to melt into the mattress the way it did into Harry as she pulled out all the tips self-care twitter accounts recommended. She washed her face and indulged in a face mask (and tried not to think about the time she convinced Harry to do them with her). She painted her nails, taking the care to do all the cuticle work influencers on instagram made videos on (and tried not to think about the countless of times she did Harry's nails to match her own). She mindlessly scrolled through her phone while a familiar movie played on the television in front of her (and tried not to think about the nightly routine she had developed with him where they did just that, but together, before Harry wrapped her in his arms and doted on her with all of his dreamy attention). The guise of self care was enough to make her feel like a person through her heartbreak, but there were no tips to mend a broken heart, only the appearance of one.

She hadn't realized how much time had passed since she holed herself up until Sarah gently knocked on her door.

"(Y/N)?" she called through, "Did you want to come have dinner with me?"

As she stretched, she felt an ache in her bones, limbs stiff like she knew they wouldn't have been if she had been swaddled in the warmth of Harry's hold. But, she couldn't think like that, she had to shake her head to keep from going down that road.

"Yeah, give me a second. Thank you," she called back, swinging her legs over the side of her bed. She ran a hand through her hair, a deep breath filling her lungs before a paced exhale. (Y/N) loved Sarah with her whole heart, her roommate and best friend being one of the best things that ever happened to her, but that didn't mean she was ready for what she knew their dinner was going to consist of.

Since the fight almost a week ago, Sarah had been the one to ask for updates. She wanted to know if Harry had texted or called, and if he did, what it said. (Y/N) had gotten used to the sour taste of the word no as she had to use it every time Sarah asked. She just didn't like the reminder that the love of her life hadn't bothered to text her even once in the past six—almost seven—days. It wasn't like she was going to forget the heavy feeling in her chest, so she didn't need the reminder.

Nonetheless, (Y/N) disentangled herself from her bedding and pulled her hair into a bun on the top of her head. The rest of the apartment felt cold compared to the haven of her room, the hardwood flooring in the living room starting a chill from the soles of her feet that traveled up her spine. Sarah's homemade stir-fry was already doled out into separate bowls for the two of them, a classic girls' night movie queued up on the T.V. in the living room. (Y/N) cracked a small smile at the obvious plans for the night, the same ones Sarah had been smothering her with for a week. It never got old though, the distractions always welcome despite the cliches.

"Thank you," she smiled as Sarah set up what she liked to call their living room picnic with their dinners placed on the coffee table where they would sit on the floor and watch the movie.

Sarah waved her over with a call of C'mon! (Y/N) quickly followed, taking her seat on the fluffy, sage green rug that filled out the space. The routine now familiar, Sarah pressed play on the remote, starting the night as the last few have when (Y/N) wasn't in her room or Mitch wasn't there to gossip. She was grateful for the screenplay being enacted in front of her, the wild night of a bachelorette party being the perfect continuation of the mindless activities she was soaking herself in for the day.

It wasn't until they were a good chunk into the movie, that it no longer served as a distraction. They had reached the low part of the film, where the protagonist, the bride-to-be, received an unsettling text from her fiancé, threatening to halt the entire wedding, when Sarah posed the predicted question.

"So," she started, pushing the few remaining noodles in her bowl around with the tip of her chopsticks, "Have you heard from him at all?"

"No," (Y/N) replied, not even bothering to preface her answer, "Still." A deep sigh punctuated her words, lifting her shoulders before ending in a long decline.

Sarah chewed the inside of her cheek, "Maybe he will tonight, its be—"

"Its been a week, Sarah," she cut her off softly, defeat coating her words, "I think the window for communication closed a little while ago. It's okay." (Y/N) forced a smile on her face, feigning a much lighter tone than the heavy clouds circling her heart.

"I've been talking to Mitch, though," Sarah pressed, finally facing (Y/N) rather than the noodles in her bowl, "And it sounds like Harry is really upset. I think he would be really happy to hear from you."

(Y/N) rolled her lips between her teeth. Unlike Sarah, she kept her eyes on the leftovers of her food. While she wanted so badly to take Sarah's advice at face value, take Mitch's word that Harry was just as beaten up as she was, every time she got close to deciding to call first, she stopped herself. The mini movie of last Saturday planned in her head like a warning, the last scene finding Harry almost too angry to even look at her after he made the choice to sleep alone rather than beside her.

That script still burned in her chest, too much to overlook. Instead, she only nodded her head slightly, taking a page from her parents' book and schooling her features into nothing but easy-to-swallow pleasantry. "I'll think about it."

She already had her mind made up, as it seems Harry did a week ago.

—————

There was almost nothing that could make her cringe more than the sound of her alarm going off to wake her up for the day, especially when (Y/N) was still so deep in her sleep. Her eyes were squeezed tight, already dreading what she would find when she opened them. (Y/N) blindly reached for her vibrating phone on her nightstand, grabbing the device clumsily in her fist before cracking her eyes open.

The time on the screen read 3:14am, only an hour after the initial time she was able to drift to sleep. Instead of her alarm greying out her screen and giving her the option to snooze like she had pictured in the purgatory between her dreams, it was a series of texts that made her shoot up in bed. Four missed calls were thrown in between the messages, another ten texts hiding behind the most recent one.

All of them were from Harry.

The yellow heart she had picked to float beside his name mocked her as she tried to focus her gaze and still her sleep-shaky limbs. Her trembling thumb pressed on the tile of her texts, the long line rolling itself out over her screen.

Harry💛

Are you awake?

I want to talk, please let me know if you're still awake.

Please answer the phone.

I'm coming over.

Before she could read the rest of the texts, another call came in. Harry's familiar contact picture of him kissing her cheek with a dopey look in his eyes filled her screen with the same haunting yellow heart dotting her vision. Reflexively, (Y/N) pressed the green button, picking up the call before she even really knew what she was doing.

Placing the phone to her ear, she was worried she wouldn't be able to hear anything on the other line with the volume of her heart pounding in her ear.

"Hello?"

"Ba—(Y/N), 'm outside. Can y'let me up? I want to talk to you, please." Harry's plea was stressed, the words heavy under his accent and the grumble in his voice.

(Y/N]) gulped as his request. He was outside, right now?

"I—um—"

"(Y/N), please."

Just like when he has said her name a week ago, another part of her heart broke. Unlike last time, it was from the waver in his voice and the weight of his pleading. Had Mitch been telling the truth that Harry was just as heartbroken as her?

"...Okay," she peeped, barely able to hear her own voice over the sound of her heart in her ears.

"Thank you," Harry sighed, the gratitude shaky.

"I'll be right there," she said, hesitating as she pulled her phone from her ear. They never end phone calls without saying I love you.

Nonetheless, (Y/N) hung up before working herself out of the pile of bedding on her mattress. Her tossing and turning had made a mess of her bed while her anxious habits keeping her room in pristine shape, clean as the day she moved in. She blindly reached for a folded hoodie on the fluffy bench at the foot of her bed. Her socked feet slipped over the wood flooring as she took Bambi-esque steps to the front door, suddenly unsure of her footing in the familiar territory.

As if on auto-pilot, (Y/N) opened the front door, hands shaky as she twisted the lock. Harry was revealed on the other side.

The loose bun he usually wore was now a tight and severe bundle at the nape of his neck. The softened moss of his irises he typically gazed upon her with her left hard and callous, exhaustion edging the jade. This waterline was free of any trace of his signature eyeliner, keeping his gaze clean despite the storm clouds swirling in his eyes. His fingernails were picked the shreds, only small flakes of black still adhered to the nail while his cuticles were red and sore. The pink crewneck she wore to sleep most nights when at his house adorned his torso, the sleeves too-short as they showed off his wrists of tattoos. The bags under his eyes could rival the ink of his tattoos with how dark they were, and (Y/N) swore his cheekbones were more defined and gaunt since she last saw him, highlighted by the unshaven scruff covering his jawline.

"Is that mine?"

Harry's rumbled voice broke the silence that had settled like static between them, his eyes trained on the hoodie covering her body. (Y/N) cast her gaze down her front, a cinch in her brow as she tried to catch up to what he'd asked. Her blind search for something to throw over her sleep shirt brought out a pitch black hoodie with white bow decals running up the sleeves, one she had stolen from Harry after a long weekend at his house. She felt like her lungs were full of air but she was breathless at the same time, the acknowledgment fueling her with enough embarrassment to last her a lifetime.

"Y-yeah," she mumbled, her eyes stuck on her socked feet. When he didn't say anything back, her mind started rattling back and forth. She didn't want to be the first one to bring up the breakup, the first one to make something she didn't want in the first place to become official, but it seemed Harry was going to force her. It was like ripping off a bandaid, she tried to reason with herself, the fast she did it, the faster the pain would subside. "If you came back for your stuff, I-I can get a bag together for you."

She didn't have the courage to face him as she spoke, keeping her gaze still fixed on the ground. She refused to move until Harry said anything, wanting to savor the last few moments with the privilege of wearing his sweatshirt.

"What?" Harry asked, the silence having stretched on for what felt like hours.

(Y/N) rolled her lips between her teeth, her eyes rounding out as she realized she was going to have to be the one to spell it out. She tilted her chin up to face him though her gaze never matched his, sticking to the vining roses that peeked out of the neckline of his own top. "Y-Your clothes and things, did you want them back?"

Harry was quick to shake his head, running a heavy hand over his face. "No, no, I jus' wanted to talk to you."

"Oh," she breathed, silently moving out of the way of the door to allow him to come inside. She guessed she was going to have to sit through the dreaded 'talk' she'd heard heartbreaking stories about first, the pain sure to linger more than she could handle.

Harry walked like a stranger into her apartment. Though he knew exactly where to go, had a favorite cushion on the couch, knew where the cutlery drawer was, and even had a breakfast order from her kitchen (French toast sticks that came from a bag in the freezer because it was the only thing that (Y/N) could manage on the few mornings she was up before him, and a strawberry and banana smoothie), he moved as if he didn't belong. He looked around the space with familiarity, sitting stiffly on the suede of her couch. (Y/N) hesitantly followed, fisting the oversized fabric of his hoodie in her hands for a fleeting sense of comfort.

"What did you want to talk about?" she whispered as she sat beside him (she was really on the other side of the couch, as far as she could get from the hurt while still being on the furniture). He gave her the gentlest deadpan look she thinks only Harry could manage. "Right."

"Are y'okay?" Harry asked, his question mumbled through the weigh of his accent and the gravel edging his tone.

(Y/N) couldn't help but tear up as soon as she processed what he said. She was quick to look away, towards her lap where her hands couldn't even muster any anxiety-soothing motions. "You know you can't ask me that," she teared up, voice watery.

"Dar—"

"No, y-you know its not fair since you already know what I'm gonna say." She rushed her words as much as she could, needing to get them out before her voice gave out. There was no fight in her, only dread for the inevitable end she saw.

"If it makes y'feel any better, I have the same answer."

In a weird, guilt-inducing way, it did make (Y/N) feel better. Maybe she wasn't the only one replaying that night over and over hoping she could just fix it all and wake up in bed beside him.

She didn't know what to say to him, instead keeping her gaze on her limp hands. She inspected her cuticles like they would talk for her, hopefully soften the blow. It wasn't until a larger, tattooed hand reached into her line of sight and took ahold of her own was she broken from the swirling drain of her thoughts.

"(Y/N), look at me." Harry's voice was low between them, his fingers filling the gaps between hers.

She thought that maybe with the distance, she wouldn't immediately listen to every suggestion that came from his soothing voice. Distance really did make the heart grow fonder it seemed, as she lifted her chin to match his gaze, even if the distance was a chasm full of doubt and fruitless yearning.

"(Y/N)," he stressed her name, one of the handful of times she'd heard the word fall from his lips, "I'm sorry."

His hand pulsed around her's as she froze. She wasn't sure how to take his apology, but she knew, no matter the context, the tears filling her sensitive eyes were warranted.

"Wh-What?" her voice was only a peep between them, broken by her tears.

With his hand tightening around hers, his other filled with his chin as he settled his elbow on his knee, Harry began to run his thumb in soothing motions over hers. "'M so sorry, for getting upset at dinner, for shouting at y'after, and for every day that we didn't talk. 'M sorry for everything, but especially for making y'upset."

He made a point to bring their joined hands up to her cheek, wiping away a salted tear that had made its way over the tender skin.

"H-Harry," she whined, not trusting herself to get out anything other than his name.

"Oh, c'mere," Harry cooed, abandoning the hold on her hand only to sweep her up by her hips into his lap.

His strong hold wrapped around her middle, the secure grip of his hands spanning over her back being a comforting weight. (Y/N) buried her face into the crook of his neck, her legs tight around the wedge of his hips between her thighs to keep him close to her. Her own arms were looped around his neck, nails clawing into the heavy fabric of his hoodie over his back. Her tears fell in rivlets as her waterline was quickly flooded over, creating a wet patch on his top.

"I know," Harry cooed to her, voice heavy in his throat, "I know, darling. 'S okay, 'm right here." She felt one of his hands travel over her back, settling on the back of her head in a reassuring weight to keep her tucked into his neck.

"D-Did we break up?" she sobbed into his neck, her hold around him tightening at the strength of her cries.

Barely a second passed before Harry could be felt everywhere around her. His arms around her had tightened and his lips were pressed harshly against her hair in a kiss. "God, no. Never, ever, okay? Would never be able to get by without you, I promise."

His words seemed to only spur on her tears, her breath coming in erratic puffs through waves of tears. She felt so relieved that it almost hurt her bones to release the tension they'd been holding for a week. They hadn't broken up, they never would, and she trusted Harry to keep that promise.

"I-I'm so sorry, H-Harry,"

"'S okay, yeah? Don't wor—"

"No," she cried, voice thick as she pulled back from the sanctuary of his body. Harry gently trailed his fingers over her features, wiping remnants of tears in reassuring strokes. A sheen that matched her own tears glazed over his eyes, just enough that (Y/N) questioned if she was only seeing him through her tear-distorted view or he was fighting off tears. "I'm really sorry, Harry. I'm sorry for n-not defending you, and-and making you sit there thinking I don't love you as much as you love me. I-I promise I'm going to work on talking to them, if-if not for me, for you—to defend you and our relationship. I don't want you t-to feel like you have to do that f-for the rest of your life. I'm always gonna pick you."

Though she was a bit nasally and had to speak around the lump in her throat, (Y/N) was proud of her apology. She was proud of herself for getting out how she really felt, and acknowledging Harry's own hurt instead of internalizing it all and drowning herself in it. She was going to keep true to her word, she would make sure that if they ever had to face her parents again, it would be as a team and not with her left behind Harry as her shield.

"Darling," Harry crooned, voice thick and rumbling through his chest, "Thank you." A small smile spread over his lips, wide enough that (Y/N) could see it through her tears that were slowly moving into happy drops. "That really means a lot, you know that? I know y'can't help being scared of them, especially when they're upset, so that means the world to me that you're willing to go up with me if we ever have to do that again. I wouldn't mind being a team with y'for the rest of m'life."

It was more than comforting to hear the return of her pet names and his gentle hands cradling her body. The cherry on top was the way he dipped her head down and planted an affectionate kiss on her cheek. (Y/N) swears she could have melted at the contact, finally having a dose of what she had been craving for a week. She twisted her head, wanting to capture his lips in a real kiss, needing that extra taste of him to know it was real.

But, Harry's steady hand stopped her with his palm on her cheek. He let out a breathy laugh before he shook his head, gently nudging his nose against her's. "'M not done yet, angel. Let me finish, then we'll kiss all y'want." Before she could puff out a pout at his tender rejection, Harry pressed a rewarding kiss to her cheek again.

"I've got to get my 'I'm sorry's out, too," he prefaced, a somber look taking his features, "'M sorry for yelling at you, first of all. I was frustrated, but I know I should have dealt with that differently. I should have talked to y'jus like we are now, yeah?" His thumb on her cheek grazed her cheekbone as he peered into her eyes. (Y/N) gave a small nod, agreeing with his offered question. "'M sorry for not doing that, angel. I never want t'make y'upset, and that's all that ended up getting done. And I shouldn't have started an argument with your parents like that, I know y'wan—"

A cinch furrowed (Y/N)'s brow as she shook her head. "Don't be sorry for that, they deserved it. And more probably."

A bubbling laugh rumbled from Harry's chest. A bright smile covered his features, "I was kinda hoping you'd say that, cause I really wasn't too sorry for that one."

"Good," (Y/N) cemented, "Don't be."

"But, 'm still sorry for waiting so long to see you again." He seemed the most apologetic for this one, dropping his gaze from her's despite how highly he valued eye contact with her. "I-I was just worried I wasn't going to be able to fix things with you, and I was still upset about how the night turned out. I shouldn't have waited so long to even jus' text you, though. Sarah called me a couple hours ago, telling me how y'were telling her that we"—a shaky breath cut him off, this time (Y/N) sure that there were tears in his eyes he was keeping at bay—"That we had broken up. I realized the longer I waited, the more I would have to fix. Never really planned on fixing your broken heart, only planned on keeping it full and happy, you know that?" He pet his thumb at her cheek, "Didn't wanna sleep alone again, either. I need m'little lovebug to keep me safe while I sleep."

"I need you, too," (Y/N) reciprocated, shifting her hold on him to settle her palms on either side of his jaw. She flitted her gaze over his face, the one that had infiltrated her dreams and almost all of her waking thoughts. Gosh, had she missed him.

"What?" Harry hummed from his position looking up at her.

"Nothing," she shook her head, "Just love you. Missed you, so much."

"I missed y'more, darling. Never doing that ever again, promise. Gonna be stuck with me for the rest of your life."

(Y/N), now less tear-soaked and flustered with the need to make things better, processed the way they had been talking about the rest of their lives, always under the pretense of being with one another. A warming glow raised to her cheeks, heating her skin under Harry's hand.

"That doesn't sound so bad."

Her favorite half-smile quirked his lips, only a single dimple denting his cheek. "If you're gonna talk like that, gotta be ready to kiss me to prove it."

She didn't have even a moment of hesitation before she dipped her head down and caught his lips in the kiss she had been craving for seven days. It felt real in that moment, the first taste of his lips against her's meaning it was finally over. She was with him again and promised to never leave her side. Harry always kept his promises.

Her chest was pressed flush against Harry's as he kept her close, enveloping her in everything him as she fell into his kiss. He slotted her bottom lip between his two, taking control and guiding her through the kiss just as she had been missing. Pent up emotion stained his tongue as he swept it over the pillow of her lip, the sweetened aftertaste after a week of being apart and thinking the worst had happened. The tips of (Y/N)'s fingers lingered in the curls bordering his hairline, her nails catching as he slipped his tongue inside her mouth in gentle strokes against hers. A sighed moan exhaled through his nose, the noise content and used as fuel to spur (Y/N) on.

She adjusted herself on Harry's lap, wanting to feel closer to him than the layers between them would allow. As she rolled her hips over his, (Y/N) felt a bump brush against her core. A shudder ran up her spine at the contact, not expecting what she felt.

"H-Harry," she breathed against his mouth, his name melting between their lips and shared on their tongues.

"Hm?" he hummed, his hand on her hip squeezing in acknowledgment.

She broke from his kiss, only for Harry to shift his lips down to her neck in smears of affection. "Ar-Are you?" she subtly dropped her hips lower over his, feeling the bulge against her just as before, if not having grown from her moments of attention.

He huffed a laugh against her skin, his hand on her cheek traveling from her face to brush her hair from her neck. "Sorry," he mumbled, her voice warm and thick, "Can't help it, jus' love you so much." She felt a blush further heat her skin at his shameless honesty. She was sure he could tell with the way he smiled into her neck before retracing his trail back to her lips. "Can y'blame me? Got y'in m'lap again after a week of not even seeing you. Would be crazy if I didn't wanna be close to you."

(Y/N) couldn't deny that she had missed him in that way, also. It wasn't as prevalent as the emotional turmoil she had been in, but now presented with the opportunity right in front of her (or under her, technically) she couldn't ignore the need to be close to him that sparked in her tummy. She liked that thought, being as close as she could physically get to him after the week they were so harshly separated.

Instead of diving into the kissing the way Harry prompted with the wet kisses he left on the corner of her mouth, (Y/N) pulled back. She gazed at him through the frame of her lashes, hands bundling his sweatshirt in her fists over his back. "Can we go to my room?"

A smug smile took Harry's features. He lent back against her couch, looking up at her with his dimples on display and his eyes scanning over her features through a different lens. "And what are we gonna do there?"

She slumped into his chest, a pout puffing at her already kiss-swollen lips. "Don't make me say it, please."

"Alright, alright," Harry easily relented, already wrapping his arms tightly around her middle and hiking her up higher on his lap. He shifted his grip to hold her just under the thick of her thighs, keeping her steady with her legs wrapped around his waist as he stood from the couch. She clung to him as Harry took careful steps towards her bedroom, "Jus' wanted to see if anything had changed over the last week."

Once in the dark of her room, he popped her down in the middle of the mattress. The bedding fluffed around her as a bubbly laugh left her lips from his playful attitude. Harry followed after her only a second later, crawling over the expanse separating them as (Y/N) absently spread her legs to accommodate him between them. She made a point to pull her Valentine's bunny he'd gifted to her from the sheets, tossing it over the side of the bed in anticipation of the way she knew Harry would sprawl them out over the mattress.

Harry's face cracked into a smile when he saw the plush tumbling off the mattress. "Y'still slept with her?"

(Y/N) shyly nodded her head, "She smells like you, so I just wanted to have that while you weren't here."

Harry's eyes rounded out as he gaze down at her. He scanned over her features with adoration swimming through his irises despite the way something broke when she reminded him of their time apart. With one hand stationed beside her head, delicately playing with the escaped tendrils of hair from her bun, and the other pressed with his palm against her cheek, he absolved to continuing his mission of kissing her through the night.

Despite the playful air they had walked into when they entered her room, the moment had melted away to reveal only tender feelings. She keened into his kiss, working his hair free from the sloppy bun on the back of his neck to slip her fingers through the curls. A familiar, rewarding moan left his lips and fanned across hers when she gave a small tug to the roots.

A loose, satisfied smile was felt against her lips, "Y'know how much I like that, huh?" Harry's voice was a grumble into her mouth, thick and heavy in the intimacy of the moment. (Y/N)'s own features curled into a bashful smile, Harry rearing back just far enough for the tip of her nose to brush his. She nodded her head with her bottom lip trapped under her teeth. "Y'jus' know me s'well, yeah? 'S like we're meant to be."

She knew he was teasing, the light in his eyes enough to give him away, but (Y/N) was still feeling sensitive. The last week and the apology on her couch was overwhelming for her, she just wanted him to be happy—especially with her—so to hear those words, even as a joke, was enough to make her feel more emotional than she's sure he intended.

With her hands in his hair, she brought him back down to press her lips against his. She hooked her leg around his hip, tucking his body up against hers. A whine threatened to build in her throat over the layers of clothing between them, putting far too much of a distance separating her from the person she considered her home.

Harry pulled back from her kiss with a wet sound, lips slick and swollen. "Y'okay?" he breathed, pupils blown wide.

"Uh-huh," she hummed, absently moving her hips upwards against his straining arousal, "I-I miss you."

"'M right here, angel, 's okay. What do y'need from me?" The grind of his hips against her's drew a moan from his throat. The sound was muffled by the way he hurriedly pressed his lips to her, the taste of his voice passing through her lips.

(Y/N) pulled at his sweatshirt, "I want this off, please."

She could feel his smile against her lips, a smug curl of his mouth that seemed to be his resting expression ever since she got him in her bed. "Only after we get your's off, angel. Then, we'll worry about me."

Harry slipped his hands under her top, his palms skimming over her sides and warming her skin in ways she hadn't realized she missed until then. The whole week she hadn't realized how cold she was without him, inside and out. Now, with his hands running over her body, rucking her shirt up and pulling both her borrowed hoodie and top over her head, she was so inexplicably warm and flushed. That's what it felt like to be home.

Her top half was left bare, exposed nipples peaking from the cool air before Harry trailed his lips down her front. A string of wet kisses was placed between the valley of her breasts, a mumbled praise being smeared against her skin that she couldn't quite understand (she thinks he said something along the lines of how much he missed her body, and how pretty she was). His palms were placed on either side of her ribs, thumbs running along the curved underside of her breasts.

"This still m'spot, baby?" he mumbled, lips never leaving her skin as he moved over to her ribcage. The delicate tattoo he had designed was imprinted on her skin, the pad of his finger running affectionately over the pink flower sprig.

"It's a-always yours," she stuttered, feeling hypersensitive as he placed a harsh kiss over the design. Only a hair away from her tattoo, he started sucking a bruise onto her skin, a second mark of his.

"Jus' like you, right? Still mine?"

It wasn't uncommon for Harry to push for her to tell him how much she loved him and how she was his, but (Y/N) couldn't help but feel like there was something deeper with this one. Maybe it was the way his lashes brushed her skin in a butterfly's kiss, the way she was finally feeling his kiss after a week, or the longing in his voice. But, she knew he meant it, like he was really seeking her answer.

"I'm yours, I'm yours, I love you," she breathed, her chest heaving under his attention.

"I love y'more, angel, s'much more." His kiss traveled from her tattoo, to the peak of her breast.

He took her nipple in his mouth, laving his tongue over the peak before pulling back with a wet sound. He gave her breast a sweet kiss before moving onto its twin, repeating his motions. Hooking his fingers into the waistband of her sleep shorts, he continued his trail down her body. The cotton of her shorts slid down her body, her underwear moving along with the bottoms to leave her bare for Harry.

When he was finished, her clothing now a pile on her bedroom floor, Harry sat back on his heels between her legs. The span of his hands warmed her thighs, the chipped black paint on his fingernails shining in the romantic glow of her fairy lights around her room. His eyes glazed over as he took in her form, wonder glinting in his irises as he scanned over and catalogued every detail.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" He was breathless as he spoke, voice low between them in the quiet of her room. "'M so lucky y'love me."

Despite the vulnerability she felt with his attentive eyes tracing over her body, his words further tugged at her heartstrings. (Y/N) reached down, grabbed at Harry's hands on her thighs and filled the gaps between his fingers with her own. "I'll always love you. Promise."

The tears that infiltrated her eyes dripped into her words, wavering her speech just the smallest bit. Harry's grip on her hands pulsed, his jaw locking as he matched her eye contact. Maybe it was the lights draped from her ceiling, but the reflection in his eyes mimicked the tears in her own. He was much better at concealing his vulnerability than (Y/N), but she still caught him. She liked to think that she was the only one that got to see him so close to the edge like that, that she was the only one able to draw it out.

Instead of voicing his water-logged thoughts, Harry instead returned to his home against her body. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, hands spanning over her back and pressing her even more tightly against his still clothed body. Urgent kisses were smeared against her lips, slick with spit and everything he didn't trust his voice to say evenly. Despite the distraction he offered, (Y/N) couldn't help but be bothered by one small detail.

"You—," she breathed as she moved her face to cause Harry's kisses to trail over her cheek, "You said after I got undressed we-we'd worry about you."

She was hyperaware of the fact his hands were running heated paths over her body but she had no access to feel him the way she wanted. He was still bundled up in his crewneck and sweatpants, the fabric brushing against the soft skin of her innerthighs and skimming over her bare intimacy.

A breathy laugh was fanned over her jaw, Harry's smile felt against her skin, "I did say that, didn't I? Thought I might be able to get away with some kisses before, but you've caught me."

He sounded much more composed than when she had last seen him, backing to the loving playfulness he stepped into her bedroom with. He reluctantly pulled away from her, leaving (Y/N) cold atop her baby pink bedding as Harry kneed his way off her bed.

His strip show was anything but graceful, more rushed and clumsy than even the first time they had slept together. His clothes made a matching pile beside her own, (Y/N)'s an uncharacteristic black from her borrowed hoodie with Harry's the pastel-hued collection in his yearning for her. It was nice to see a small representation of their reconciliation, his things distributed around hers; even the visual of watching him tug his top off by the collar with her angel wings acting as the backdrop made her heart race. He came back to her. She had her home back.

Harry eagerly crawled back between her legs, his cock heavy and hard between his legs. He wasted no time in settling between her thighs, tummy against her bed and face just a breath away from her puffy mound. (Y/N) shivered at the feeling of his curls tickling the inside of her thighs, his nose skimming her lips as a heady exhale fanned over her slit. Her hands shook as she cradled them to her chest, her heartbeat thrumming in her rib cage. Despite the way she clenched as he placed a kiss to the very top of her pussy, above her clit but close enough she felt the pressure of his lips, that wasn't what she wanted.

"Wait, wait," she breathed, slipping her fingers underneath his where they gripped her thighs, "I want you."

A ghost of a smile was felt against her skin, Harry's lip ring a cool point of clarity, "Y'have me, darling, 's okay."

"No, no," she shook her head, tugging on his hands with her own, "I want you. I don't want to wait, I just want you. I want to be close to you, please." Her voice came in a beg, not quite realizing how much she needed him until she heard it out loud.

Harry allowed her to take ahold of his hands, letting go of his grip on her thighs. He squeezed her hands in his, tattooed fingers flexing between her knuckles. He slowly moved from his spot on the bed, leaving her cold where he had once warmed her with his breath and touch. Settling on his knees at the end of her bed, he looked to her with the usual intensity his eyes contact held, thinly veiling his own vulnerability in the moment.

"Are y'sure?"

(Y/N) couldn't help but crack a smile at him. He was never going to change, always checking in on her in their most intimate moments.

"I'm sure, H. I promise."

It was Harry's turn to relax his features into a smile. He always loved when she promised.

He lent down and pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before releasing her hands. "Let me grab something really quick."

He left her bare on her bed as he rifled through his clothes on the floor, pulling out his sweatpants. (Y/N) watched on as he picked through the pockets before revealing his wallet from the mess of fabric.

"What are you looking for?" she asked, propping herself up on her elbows.

A beat passed before Harry held up a shiny packet he pulled from the depths of his wallet, the familiar packaging bringing a heat to (Y/N)'s cheeks. "This," he finished proudly, already beginning his job of tearing open the foil.

She fell back with a laugh peeping from her chest. "Did you plan on this?" she teased, looking to the ceiling where her cloud shaped lights greeted her.

"Eh," Harry shrugged, a teasing tone to his words as he slipped the rubber over his length and gave a cursory tug to his cock, "Don't think I was expecting this, but I can't say I didn't hope."

"You're so annoying," she laughed as Harry crawled his way back to her, "I was sitting there crying everyday for a week and you were just hoping I'd take you back and sleep with you."

She was joking, she knew Harry had had just as hard of a time as she did, but he made it too easy sometimes to prove she was the more sensitive one when it came to the two of them.

Harry stopped with his hips between her legs, his length pressed against the inside of her thigh and hands on either side of her head. His curls fell around them, acting as curtains to their moment. Despite the way she knew Sarah was just a wall away (hopefully asleep before she could really catch on to how they were making up), seeing Harry above her with the backlight of her twinkling lights and the green of his eyes as soft as moss, it made her feel like it was just the two of them for miles around.

"Y'know I missed you, right? I wasn't jus' thinking about getting y'in bed again." One of his hands that had been bundled in her bedding reached to tug at the hair tie that was just barely keeping her bun intact. Once the strands fell, he ran his fingers gently through, breaking up the knots and brushing against her scalp in tender motions.

"I know," she smiled, the words settling between them as she tucked his own hair behind his ear.

"Do you?" he pressed, his brows downturning as he spoke, "I really mean that. I missed y'so much, angel. I-I didn't know what to do without you, felt so lost. I love being with y'like this, but I need you for more than jus' this."

She felt crazy going between the playful mood he would set between them to then holding tears in her eyes from how much she loved him. The emotional roller coaster she'd been riding since she woke up was taking her down several different tracks with no signal of where they would end up next.

"I love you," she sniffed, looping her arms around his neck to bring him to her.

He felt into her with no resistance, attaching his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. "I love y'more, darling. Always."

(Y/N) kept him locked in the kiss as she melted into the mattress beneath her, dragging Harry down with her. She hiked her legs over his hips, sinking him deeper against her. The weight of his cock pressed into the soft of her thigh, only a hair away from where she wanted him most. She couldn't help the tug she delivered to the baby hairs on the nape of his neck as a shudder racked down her spine as she remembered just how full she felt when she sunk inside her. The pull was enough for Harry to let out a breathy moan, the noise melting into her lips and glazing over her tongue.

He pulled away, leaving (Y/N) with spit slicked lips. He gazed down at her with blown out pupils, taking in each detail of her face. Her breathing deep, chest heaving against his as her breasts brushed against his chest from how close he kept himself to her.

"Are y'ready?" he asked, breathless as he already started slipping one of his hands between their bodies.

"Please."

A small smile cracked at Harry's features before he dropped a kiss to the corner of her mouth. He sighed something against her skin, the words too smeared and distorted that she couldn't quote catch what he said but she figured it was something sweet with the way they dripped against her skin and his fingers affectionately pet through her hair.

Harry guided her through it as he usually did, embedding his hips against hers to keep them wide open. A hiss escaped his lips as he grabbed at the base of his cock, the noise fanning out over her cheek. He nudged the head against her hole, her slick coating over the crown as it made it just that much easier to sink inside. He always took it slow with her on the first thrust, knowing she would need a moment to adjust, but (Y/N) felt like she couldn't wait for the rolls of his hips. She wanted him in her right then; she wanted to feel like he was with her, finally. She needed to know he was finally home with her.

With her legs wrapped around his hips, ankles hooked loosely around the backs of his thighs, she pulled him close. Harry's resistance was kept to a minimum, too transfixed by the whining gasp she let out as he nudged through her snug walls.

"Ang—Fuck, baby, I thought y'wanted s-slow," he groaned, dropped his forehead to rest against her collarbones. He needed both os his hands to stabilize himself above her, his fists bundled into her soft pink bedding on either side of her head.

"I just want you, daddy," she moaned, eyes fluttering closed as he bottomed out. He stilled above her despite the way his heartbeat rattled against his ribcage at her words.

A groan rumbled through Harry's chest, vibrating through his tattooed skin and echoing into (Y/N)'s own bared heart. "N-Not daddy tonight, baby. Jus' me tonight, jus' Harry. Missed y'too much to h-hear anything but my name tonight," he crooned, voice breaking even though he meant his words.

"M-Missed you too, so much," she reciprocated, bucking her hips upwards into her lover's. She was overwhelmed at the feeling of him inside of her. His soft declaration of how he missed her and the way his heart seemed to guide her in a joined beat was all too much for her in that moment.

She was overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than for Harry to stay right where he was. She never wanted him more than an inch away from her again, her body becoming the shelter of which she wanted him to stay. With her arms still looped around his neck, she guided him back to her lips where she caught him in a kiss she had no plans of stopping until she was completely breathless and had no choice but to cut off. It was her this that time desperately licked at the full of his bottom lip, catching on the glimmer of his lip ring and tasting each of the things she missed in his absence.

"Darling—," Harry tried to speak against her lips, but it was no use as he was almost immediately cut off by her lips slotting between his own. Her thighs over hips tensed to keep him there, almost the full of his body completely pressed against her own with the exception of his legs. Harry fought to keep himself from falling atop her as he tattooed fists and straining forearms dug into her mattress beside her head. He struggled to even grind his hips against hers from where he was situation between her tight hold. "(Y/N), baby," he sighed, trying again.

"Hm?" she hummed, the noise pitched and whiny as she followed after his lips, "Come back, H."

He indulged in her request by dropping a hasty kiss to her cheek, not nearly enough to satisfy her but enough to distract. When he pulled back, he finally got a chance to take in her expression that had been hiding behind his closed lids.

She held a glow that was illuminated by the fairylights above them, catching the puff of her kiss-swollen lips and the glimmering tears on her waterline. She looked to him like the cloud shaped lights above him were real and he had somehow taken her to heaven and was an angel, when he was fairly certain that was her. Her lashes fluttered as she focused her glassy gaze on Harry only, nothing else in the room registering. The dip of her collarbone showcased the thrumming of her pulse hammering against the delicate skin.

"C-Come back," she repeated, leaking with vulnerability, "Y-You said you wouldn't leave. Please." The grip of her thighs around his hips emphasized her plea, not allowing Harry to move even if he wanted to. She was a strong little thing when she wanted to be.

He pet his hand through her hair, moving stray baby hairs from her vision and sweeping affectionately over her cheek. "Angel, 'm not," he stressed, "'M not leaving, 'kay? We're good, everything is okay. 'M your's forever, I promise."

Her finger flexed in his hair, her eyes almost completely overfilling with tears. He made quick work of pressing his lips against the delicate skin of her undereyes, catching her tears with his thumbs before they even had a chance to fall. It was hard for him to keep his composure when she looked at him like that, wanting to breakdown just as she did and plead for her to love him and keep him forever. But, he knew, more than anything, that she needed him; he needed to keep her strong the way she needed him to. It was his preferred role, protecting her and keeping her happy.

"See, everything's okay," he smiled at her, attempting to coax her into uncoiling her tensed muscles.

"We're okay," she repeated, her tone breathless. Although he had cleared most of her crystalline tears, her eyes were still glassy as she kept them trained on Harry.

He gently nodded his head, affirming her words. He tried his hand at moving his hips against her's, still painfully aware of the ache between his legs and the snug home he had made inside her. He was still locked in place by the grip of her legs, keeping him from simply even grinding against her.

"But," he started, "I can't really move right now, love. If y'still wanted to do this, I've got to be able to move." He finished with a laugh, reaching his hand from her face to grab at one of her own that was twisted through his curls. She gratefully released the strands and pressed her palm against Harry's, filling the gaps between his fingers.

The whites of her teeth peeked out as she bit at her bottom lip, sheepishly fluttering her lashes when she realized just how determined she had been in making sure Harry didn't leave her. "Sorry," she peeped, unlocking her legs from his hips and butterflying them instead, "Just wanted you close."

"I know, lovebug" he cooed, petting at her cheek with their joined hands, "Ready?"

She turned her face to press a kiss to the back of his hand, "Please."

He made a cursory grind of his hips, testing just how sensitive the rest of her was. She immediately keened into him, the base of his cock having brushed into her clit and nudged the head deep inside her. She melted into the mattress under her, the comforter acting as babypink, sunset-tinted clouds for the angel she was in the light.

"H-Harry," she sighed, eyes falling closed as she waited for more of the pleasure he expertly gave her.

"'M here, I've got you, love." He reared his hips back and sunk inside her, gentle thrusts to part her walls.

He fell into a curated pace, making a point to plant as many kisses as he could in the heat of her skin. He'd tended to refer to their sessions as making love, no matter the context or whatever title she called him, but if there was ever a night where he truly took the time with her to make love, it was now. She laid pliantly under him, a mess of quiet sighs and whines of his name as he sunk inside her in slow and deep strokes. Her hand in his hair brushed through the strands, spurring him on with small tugs at the roots.

"I-I love you," she reiterated, the words dissolving in the dew of their kiss and the heat of the moment.

"I love you, too, gorgeous. S'much. You're m'dream, darling," he cooed, keeping steady despite the emotion that welled in his chest at her feeble affection.

"I'll never w-want anyone, but you, H," she cried, arching her back as he reached a depth in her that had been untouched for over a week, "Please, Harry."

He quickened his pace at her plea, her bed creaking under them with the headboard clacking against her wall. (He really hoped, for (Y/N)'s sake, that Sarah was dead asleep and wasn't able to hear what was happening on the other side of her wall). His breathing was labored as he dotted his lips over her skin. Small sentiments were whispered between the kisses, declaring how much he loved her, how she was all he needed, that there was no one out there for him but the woman who'd cracked his heart only to repair it with her inside.

(Y/N) began meeting his thrusts with small rolls of her hips, driving him deeper with each stroke he delivered through her fluttering walls. Her moans sounded in tandem with the draws her pussy made around his cock, sucking him in each time he bottom out.

"Sensitive, baby?" he questioned, the words slick and dewy between the kisses he fanned over her skin. He already figured her answer with the way she seemed to react to even the vibrations of his voice.

"Uh-huh," she whined, clasping his hand tighter in hers "I-I waited for you, waited for th-this with you—Oh."

"M'good girl," he praised, stamping a kiss to the corner of her mouth, "Waited for me, even though I know y'needed it so bad, huh? Needed to feel good s'bad, but y'still waited for me. M'perfect girl."

A hint of a smile curled at her lips, softening her lusted features. "Al-Always gonna wait for you, Harry. Only feels good when its you."

"'M always gonna be there to make y'cum, love. Always gonna be there to make y'happy." He distracted her by catching her lips in a kiss as he released her hand.

(Y/N) moved her now free hand to join its twin in Harry's hair, indulging in his kiss. With his own free hand, Harry slipped it between their bodies, working its way over the soft skin of her tummy that jumped at the contact. He hushed her gently when she whimpered into his mouth, keeping true to his plan he worked his hand between joined hips. The pad of his thumb made contact with the pearl of her clit, dewy and sticky against his touch.

Her back arched into him, smoothing her breasts against the muscle of his chest. "H-Harry, oh my—"

She was cutoff by another moan falling from her lips, the tight circles he was making around her clit being too much with the help of his thrusts.

"'S okay, love, 'm right here." He kept his voice low as he smeared the words over her cheek, knowing that if he went any louder it would surely break.

The draw of her pulsing walls only tightened into a vice around his cock, keeping him snug inside her. The head of his cock parted her walls with each deep stroke, taking her breath away only for Harry to find it in the exhales that fanned over his neck.

She made the telltale signs of nearing her orgasm. Her chest stuttered under half-breaths she took in, walls pulsing around his cock, and she didn't seem to know any other word than Harry's name. Her hands in his hair racked over his scalp, Harry's own attention being broken by the dull of her nails in his hair. She didn't even seem aware of the way she hiked her legs over his hip, ankle hooking familiarly around his thigh.

"C-Close, love?" he stuttered, needing to stave off his own orgasm until she was satisfied.

"Wan-Want you to finish w-with me. Please, Harry," she begged, his name coming out in a moan he couldn't say no to.

"'M almost th-there love," he mumbled, "What do y'need from me to cum?"

"Ju-Just keep going!" She keened into him, pulling him in for a kiss that capped off the moans that were spilling from her gaped lips.

Harry could taste each call of his name on her tongue, only drawing him closer and closer to the rose-tinted edge that he wanted to join (Y/N) on before the fall. He quickened the strokes of his hips and the rounds of his thumb, each cycle reeling her in closer. The room was filled with the sound of his labored breathing and (Y/N) muffled moans, the air humid with the heady scent of their love. His hips clapped against her dewy skin, his balls heavy as they tapped against her ass with each stroke.

Through his hooded gaze, Harry caught sight of his angels' cinched eyes. The lids were screwed shut, lips left in a soft gape from where she was waiting for him to return. She was close, just a couple more strokes—

"H-Harry, I'm cumming," she cried, tugging him down by her grip in his hair.

Harry pliantly fell into her, already feeling his own bubble begin to burst at the feel of her orgasm flooding around him. He could barely find it in himself to keep up the sloppy pace he had crumbled into, preferring to stay in the warmth of her pussy and it's sucking walls. He wasn't far behind as he listened to her shattered breathing, smile syllables of his name broken up by the intensity of her orgasm. He tried his best to work her through her own as he joined her on the fall over the edge of her cliff he had led her to. The air was threaded with bolts of electricity, scented with rose and their intertwined presence.

"I love y-you," Harry moaned, "S'fucking much."

She looped her arms fully around his neck, keeping him close as she neared her comedown, "P-Please, Harry."

He wasn't even sure what she was begging for, but as soon as he figured it out, he wouldn't hesitate to give it to her. He wanted nothing more than to please her, keep her happy and with him every chance he got. As his hips slowed, becoming too sloppy to continued the even pace, he wrapped the arm that had kept him steady around her waist. He pulled her from the mattress to stay flush against his chest and her back arched in a delicate curve. (Y/N) melted into his hold, shuddering through the very end of her orgasm.

"I-I'm—" she started, only being cut off from an aftershock that wracked through her body.

Harry knew the reaction well, always reveling when he got to see her at this point and wondering what it would be like to take her just a bit farther (but that was for another night). "Too sensitive?" he questioned, already removing his hand from her clit to join the other around her waist.

They joined each other in the come down, embracing one another. A pearlescent bubble formed around them, protecting the moment. (Y/N)'s breathing came in puffs over Harry's shoulder as he buried his face in her neck, the damped curls now finally left alone from her tugging hands. She ran her palms in soothing runs over the planes of his back, emulating the actions he always offered to her in comfort.

A ghost of a smile was felt on her skin before Harry popped up from the home he had made in her shoulder. Adoration colored his gaze, the lily pad of his irises welcoming her in the lush of his love. "We should make up more often if that's what 's gonna be like after," he teased, reaching up to pet back her wild hair.

A pout puffed at her lips, "But I don't wanna fight with you ever again, especially going that long before seeing you again."

Harry adjusted his position between her legs, not seeming to mind the sweat that covered their skin and the filled condom that sleeved his cock, instead moving so he could better hold his angel. His smile stayed soft as he spoke to her, nothing but teasing love tinting his words, "What if we 'made up' after a really nice date, then? That sound better?"

A small smile took (Y/N)'s features, matching his in the tenderness that radiated from the curve, "That works."

Harry let out a breathy laugh at her response, pressing a smiley kiss to her lips. It was supposed to be innocent, juxtaposing the position they found themselves In, but it was (Y/N) who couldn't help herself. Usually she would be more than tired, wrapped in one of Harry's tops and snuggled up to him under the covers. But, she wasn't sure she was ready to be done with him for the night; she wasn't sure she was ready for him to leave her empty.

"What's gotten into m'angel?" Harry joked against her lips, "Was jus' so sweet a second ago, and now I can barely catch m'breath."

She pulled back just the smallest bit. Her eyes were wide and bashful as she gazed up at him, taking a page from his book and nudging her nose in a puppy's kiss against his. "I just," she started, hopes high for how her next words would be perceived, "I missed my daddy, too, you know."

A smug smile took Harry's features, one of his brows quirking over his mischievous eyes. "Yeah? I know he missed you, too. C'mere." (Y/N) couldn't help the sweet peal of laughter that fell from her lips as he rolled them to the side. Harry picked up the thick of her thigh, hooking it over his hip as he fit himself flush against her. "I can show y'how much, if y'wanted."

"Please, daddy."

—————

Harry felt like the sun as he stood in (Y/N)'s kitchen, shirtless with only his pair of sweatpants over his lower half as he waited for the toaster to ping with the frozen waffles he planned on sharing with the sleeping girl in the other room. He'd been unsuccessful in wiping the smile from his face since he cracked his eyes open only an hour prior. Every memory from the night before was imprinted on his brain.

He was going through another run down of the way (Y/N) repeated her love for him like a mantra, too busy to notice the sound of Sarah's door creaking open.

"Morning, H," Sarah called, walking around him in search for a mug to start brewing some tea.

"Oh, morning," he mumbled, jumping when he noticed her presence.

They worked in silence, Sarah waiting for her kettle to boil as Harry was too caught up in the biography playing in his head from the night before. It wasn't until he'd began spreading peanut butter over the toasted waffles that Sarah spoke again, her gaze fixed on the variety pack of tea bags in her hands.

"So, you guys made up last night?"

"Yeah, thanks for calling last night," he smiled, "We're...Yeah, we're good now." He figured it was best not to get into detail of just how good they were.

Just before the kettle screamed, Sarah plucked it from the stove. She poured the heated water in a cow printed mug, having picked out a lavender colored tea packet for the morning. Harry figured the conversation was over by then, already getting ready to make his own exit as he was eager to wake (Y/N) up and spend the day with her.

"I figured you guys got it all figured out," she started, bursting Harry's bubble as he slowed down his clean up, "I didn't think what I had heard last night was a fight anyway."

She offered a deliberate smile over the rim of her mug, a clever brow quirked. Harry couldn't help but stiffen at her words. He really thought (and hoped, really) that she had been asleep. Sarah leisurely walked back to her room, tea in hand as Harry watched after her.

Now, he just needed to figure out if he was going to tell (Y/N) about this.

—————

ahhhhh!!!!!!! im super sorry for the long wait on this and I hope everyone likes it and is okay w the way I combined alot fo requests!!!!! thank u sm for taking the time to read this and thank u to all the ppl who sent in requests for this!!!! sorry for any mistakes ofc and if u have any ideas of ur own or just want to talk about anything w this piece or whatever please send me a message!!! thank u! 

[officialscaramouche]

PLEASE DO A PART TWO TO THE REMEBERINF FIC IM GONNA CRY-

idk where this is going but this is one of my fave fics

pairing: Scaramouche x gn!reader

tw: jealousy

wc: 950

prev next

“Close your eyes and try to relax,” the man above you said.

“Ah, yes. Relax on this terribly hard metal table.” You joked, chuckling at the end.

“Okay, soldier I can help you or you can gripe, what’ll it be?” He laughed as well, pulling his hands back from your head. “Alright, [Y/N], tell me if at any point it hurts. It shouldn’t hurt!”

“Yes Lieutenant,” you confirmed.

Tartaglia reached back in and placed his hands at either side of your head. You felt slight, cool pressure around your ears as water swirled from his hands. The water relieved the tension in your temples and calmed your frantic thoughts. It was soothing. Listening to the calming sound of the sloshing water, you unknowingly drifted to sleep.

There was a man. He didn’t have a face and he didn’t have a voice but for some reason you could hear him. He said something and you laughed, your heart full of warmth and love. He grabbed your hand and pulled you close, wrapping an arm around your waist and leaned in for a kiss, a smirk spreading across his lips. “God I love you,” he chuckled. “No matter what happens, I will always love you.”

“…oldier.”

“..llo?”

“[Y/N]!”

You startled awake and shot into an upright position, causing your wounds to shift and send searing pain through your nerves. “Fuck,” you breathed, clutching to your torso.

“Woah, [Y/N] be careful. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Tartaglia said, walking around and to get a better view of your wounds. You looked around at the room, mostly all packed. How long were you out? And how deeply did you sleep that you missed people coming in and taking things out. “I hope you slept well!”

“Are we moving out?” You asked, sitting up a little to get off the cot.

Tartaglia held your hand and guided you back down. “In a little bit,” he smiled, urging you to lay down. “I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you that you weren’t supposed to sleep.”

“Huh?” You looked at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“It’s difficult to ask you guiding questions when you’re unconscious,” he laughed, scratching the back of his head.

“Oh…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to waste your time.”

Tartaglia was taken aback before smiling. “No, it was time you got some decent rest.”

Two of your team’s soldiers carried you on your cot. It was uncomfortable, but it was better than walking. You were in the middle of the precession— the safest spot surrounded by your fellow soldiers. You could barely make out the sound of bickering up ahead, but only because Scaramouche was a loud person by nature.

“You’re so lousy,” Scaramouche hissed, clicking his tongue.

“Oh yeah? How far have you gotten, huh? Does [Y/N] remember anything from your little conversations?” Tartaglia teased, biting back.

“Oh I’m gonna end your life—”

You tried sitting up, leaning on your elbows to see what was going on. “[Y/N]! Please, lay down!” The soldier to your left begged.

“Well what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” the soldier to your right said. “They’re just arguing like usual.”

“About me, right?”

“No!” They shouted in unison, grabbing everyone’s attention. You couldn’t help but giggle at their look of dread.

The traveling stopped and Scaramouche shoved everyone to the side as he hurried down the middle. “[Y/N]?” He called out. “What’s wrong? Soldiers, report!”

“Oh quit, I was just wondering what you were arguing about.” You stuck your tongue out.

Scaramouche pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “We can’t keep stopping like this, [Y/N].” You propped yourself up on your elbows, not liking his tone. “We’re losing daylight and I’m trying to stay on task!”

“Well I’m trying to make myself feel better because I’m beginning to feel very depressed about all this!” You shout back, forcing yourself to sit up. “And all I hear is arguing, it’s not making it better!”

With pain shooting through your core, you force one leg over the side of the cot. “What are you doing?!” He yells, grabbing your leg to push back in the cot.

“I’m walking!” You huff, shoving your captain aside. “I don’t know why you’re so upset with me! Or why you care so much!”

Your team members all looked at each other knowingly. “I’m just trying to help!”

Feet stop next to the two of you, gathering both of your attention. “He’s just trying to be a good captain is all, [Y/N].” Tartaglia smiles. He hands you a bundle of a dried plant. “You should know what this is. Do what you want with it and go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when we get to the inn.”

He was right, you knew what it was. As the medic, you needed to know what plants were and what they did. This one, a dried horsetail, was good for relaxation and falling asleep. You looked around at everyone staring at you except for your captain who looked at his hands in frustration. For someone who was supposed to be the leader, he was doing a poor job at it. “It’s not your fault,” you said suddenly. He never said he blamed himself, so why did you say that? “Medics don’t need to be in battle anyway. I don’t know what I was doing there…”

You remembered the fight. A bunch of treasure hoarders had your squad surrounded. But why were you there, and not back at camp? “I never said it was my fault,” Scaramouche bit, standing back up to walk at the front.

Your teammates picked up your cot once more, back on the move.

[ao3gingerswag]

okay since apparently I just love to make myself seem sad and also since I feel like cas hasnt been getting enough attention recently I have sad idea(s)

soon after all the boys get back to the inn, like when they're starting to settle down and stuff but still figuring out things, cas finds dean like when they're in the kitchen at some point (sam is somewhere else) and he's standing over dean and he's holding a bag/bundle and he's like fiddling with it and avoiding eye contact and dean is like 'hey cas, you okay?' like concerned and worried and cas holds the bag out to him and explains that he's packed enough stuff for dean and sam in case they decide they want to leave again. he starts listing what's in there like 'there was only room for one blanket but I packed enough food for you to be able to get to the nearest town' and it's obvious he's thought about where sam and dean could go and he's getting all emotional but trying to hold it back bc he doesn't want dean to feel upset too and he knows that even though he's brought them back it doesn't mean that they're going to want to stay since they have each other now, and dean still left in the first place and the last thing he wants to do is keep him and sam from being happy. so he's there trying to not be selfish and dean is just watching him like speechless bc he's so upset/guilty that cas would think that but also so emotional that cas would still be kind enough to consider him and especially sam. and then cas finishes off his whole speech thing that he's definitely been practising and then his hands tighten on the bag and he's like, 'I know that you and sam may not want to stay/I have no right to this (or something similar) but... please when/if you leave... I'd like to be able to say goodbye, this time' and poor dean is just cas ;~; ;~; and then hes like I don't want to leave i have u and sam I'm so happy etc etc and then it's all comfort and yay

oh my god this is SUCH a good idea im so mad at myself for not thinking of it...!!!!!! cas rambles about how scared he was about dean starving or freezing on the journey back...he's like there is food in here that will last a long time but if you are still here when it goes bad please replace it ;~; (bc middle ages there's no like canned food). there is money in there too and cas is like if there is anything else u think u would need please tell me and u can have it. i love u i just want u and sam to be safe and happy. maybe he lists some people in the town that he knows are kind and might help them find work (like ellen and jo, maybe charlie, etc...).

maybe dean is like ??? what?? do u want us to leave??! all confused and insecure and cas is like NO!!!! no i do not want u to leave!! (he's like on the verge of tears) i do not want u to leave i want you to stay so badly!!!! but idk if you want to stay too and if u will always want to stay!! and i dont want you to be in danger if u do leave!!! ;~;

aaahhhh him asking dean to say goodbye if he is gonna leave again ;~; promising him "i wont force you to stay, i promise, you are safe and i would never trap u" like reassuring him that he CAN say buy to cas w/o cas trying to stop him ;~;

and then yaaaaay yaaaaaaaay dean being like cas!!! i am so happy here!!! i am so happy now that sam is here too!!!! i do not want to leave i have no plans to leave!!! maybe he spills his guts about how hard it was to leave the first time, both bc he was leaving the first safety he's ever known and because he was leaving CAS!! who he loves!!!!! and yes there are lots and lots of hugs and comfort!!!!!! and dean reassuring cas that he doesnt plan on leaving ever again. (but also cas is like u cant know that for sure u dont know what u will want one day. so dean does promise that if he ever does leave he wont do so without saying goodbye. and he promises he will take the bag with him ;~; <3 bc cas just wants him to be safe <3 ;~;)

[gwoongi]

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 ✰ taehyung (7)

𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗅𝖺𝗌𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗎𝗌 kim taehyung / reader genre: zombie apocalypse au words: 4228

It felt shit to feel thankful of someone’s screaming. Mostly, Taehyung was happy it was them and not him.

a/n: funny story, i submitted this chapter as part of my creative writing portfolio and the prestige uni i sent it off to loved it and accepted me :D hopefully thats a nice indication on whether or not this is good :S

warnings: extremely graphic content, sexual pain, graphic torture, gore, violence, death, Humans Suck

01. denver ↝ 02. holiday with me ↝ 03. sad forever ↝ 04. surely ↝ 05.scorpion ↝ 06. shakespeare ↝ 07. thrones ↝ 08. moon motel

The group leave the trailer park three days later.

Bundling everything of use into the back of the truck, which seemed darker in colour since the last time it was used, you had found you enjoyed leaving more than you did settling in. Packing everything into correct places had always been such a bore, even at a young age. You remembered when you were eight, and moving in to your grandparents’ home in the outskirts of Denver. Was this really Denver? It was a small town, barely noticeable amongst the cluster of trees and ferns, but nonetheless peaceful, ‘perfect for a new place to start fresh’. Yeah, it only took around an hour and a half to get to school every-day, but don’t worry, it’s a fucking perfect place to live, aged eight, as an orphan. It took you around eleven months to finish emptying each box.

But four years ago, throwing everything into a backpack and into the boot of a car you nicked from down the road, it had been so easy. It was so easy to throw everything out and keep what you really needed. Easy to forget to pack a jacket you had been given for Christmas off an aunt you barely knew, easy to remember to pack all the knives out of the kitchen and the forbidden gun your grandfather used to hunt deer in the winter. It was rather symbolic- pretending people were deers as you shot them between the eyes.

“That everything?”

Namjoon stood, risen off the ground, his hand on the bar of the roof of the truck. Taehyung stepped down the plastic steps from the trailer, not bothering to lock the door, knowing nothing in there was of any value. At one point, the rainbow-glassed fruit bowl might have been of value, sentimental value or something. Now, it was worthless, with a lightning bolt crack down the middle.

“Yeah, good to go,” Taehyung replied, hovering when you climbed into the back to join Kyungmin. He waited, not knowing what for, only mildly embarrassed when you turned to see him staring. “You okay?”

You nodded once with a smile. “Mm. Are you?”

“Yeah. Sorry, I-”

Somehow, he hadn’t realised you shuffle to the open back doors to pull him in for a simple kiss. It was that quick and simple that he almost missed it. His eyes opened to the sight of you in front of him, your hands holding his face, rubbing the stubble around his jaw.

“You’re holding us all up, you know.”

“You’re holding me up,” he muttered, peeling your hands off his face and pressing a kiss to your knuckles, somehow finding the strength to let go and at the same time, make his way to the front of the truck. The whole vehicle shook as you pulled the back doors closed, submerging Kyungmin and yourself in familiar darkness.

“You got a map anywhere?” Taehyung fuddled in the glove compartment as Namjoon started the truck up. He pulled out a worn map, the same one you had used to direct the both of you out of Denver. Namjoon didn’t care for the quality, muttering a hasty thanks and peeling it open, staring at the lines and faded colours. “Keep heading East, as if we’re going to Georgia. Hopefully, we’ll catch Seokjin and his crew of fans on the way there.”

“And if we don’t?” Taehyung asked. When Namjoon fell silent, Taehyung’s lips pulled into a tight frown, “I’m just asking for the future. You’re not coming to Georgia. We’re going. I wanna know what our plan is before we put ourselves in danger in the middle of nowhere.”

Very aware of the compartment slider down, Namjoon found it was difficult to pick a solution that would best suit everybody. Kyungmin wanted to stay with Taehyung and yourself, forgetting Korea entirely and heading straight for the islands off the coast. Namjoon knew you wanted to go to Georgia with everybody, hoping to stick together as a four, but if there was no other option, you’d go to find a plane. Taehyung wanted to get to Georgia with you, but wouldn’t be opposed to finding Seokjin. As for himself, Namjoon wanted to take the jeep to Virginia, leaving Taehyung and yourself on the road.

Everybody made tough calls. Those words echoed in his head. Above all else, Kyungmin was his priority.

“I wanna take the jeep,” Namjoon said slowly, aware of the frowns, “but I can help find a vehicle for you and Y/N to use to get to Georgia. When that happens...we’ll go our separate ways. Half to Virginia. Half to Georgia. Fair, and square.”

Kyungmin fell with a thud and a sigh in the back of the jeep, and Namjoon did his best to ignore it.

“Alright,” Taehyung agreed, believing there was no other way around it. As long as you and him were safe, he didn’t care how it happened. “Whatever you say goes.”

14TH MARCH, 5 YEARS AGO.

Jiyong: i’ll be round at like 7:30ish. lost my weed bag and i’m a junkie and cant leave without it

Y/N: i hope it kills you

Jiyong: watch me actually die

Jiyong: don’t cry at my funeral you fake friend

Y/N: KIDDING!!!!

Y/N: is...seunghyun coming

Jiyong: fuck off

Jiyong: hes banned from seeing you

Jiyong: i cant believe my best friend is fucking my other best friend

Y/N: i like to call it woohooing and we’re being safe

Jiyong: i cant believe this is happening

Jiyong: why seunghyun?????? why not youngbae he treats women nice

Y/N: idk!!! we just hit it off a lot

Jiyong: you’ve known him for like 5 minutes

Y/N: it’s literally been like 5 years but whatever

Y/N: can’t you just be happy for me? i’m living life getting laid being happy n shit

Jiyong: i respect it but i’m not coming to urs expecting to have fun watching goblet of fire for the millionth time only for you to give seunghyun a sweaty bj right in front of me

Y/N: that was one time Let It Go

Jiyong: one day i’m gonna fucking die and you’ll realise how badly you treated me

Y/N: stop you’re my best friend :-(

Y/N: what are you like jealous that im banging him and not you???? wanna join

Jiyong: yeah i’d literally rather fuck the girl from the ring

Y/N: kinky

[03:45am]

Jiyong: woah did you hear about the north korea shit

Y/N: im literally being pounded into Cant this wait

Jiyong: we’re gonna die because kim jongun wants to nuke us and all you care about is seunghyun’s 3 inches

Y/N: it’s just fake news dont worry about it

Y/N: how many times has he threatened nuclear war

Y/N: he should hurry up and do it before exams

Jiyong: just wanted to check up on you because ur nan is fucking mental and she’ll probably collapse tomorrow morning and panic buy loaves of bread

Y/N: stop omg

Jiyong: anyways stay safe love U please bring me my weed tomorrow morning me and Jennie are gonna get high and try anal

Y/N: sweet thanks

SOMETIME LATER.

Leaving the world behind through the back windows of the jeep, you were oddly reminded of the time you left everybody behind during a Summer many years ago. It had been a spur of the moment decision, something you never expected to do, but found yourself doing anyway.

It felt like a lifetime ago; you had almost forgotten about it, until now, until seeing a sign graffitied with a smiley face, reminding you of the “GRIME SIGN” back in your hometown, renowned for being the most graffitied sign in the city. Whether or not that's true, you never really found out. Seunghyun and Jiyong had come along too, for the moral support of being alone on the road. With Jiyong in shotgun and Seunghyun in the backseat, it had felt like something slap-bang out of a teenage coming-of-age movie, titled “3 delinquents on the road to God knows where”, directed by Quentin Tarantino. You didn’t even know how to drive. It was pure bliss.

“Any luck with the radio?”

Kyungmin rattling the small radio that had been picked up from the trailer park startled you, the memory of driving nowhere and everywhere at the same time suddenly gone like the wind. As your vision readjusted to the dark, you noticed that Kyungmin was pressing all the buttons and turning all the dials, a frown on her lips jutted outwards.

“Not yet,” she replied. “Just give me a few more minutes, I can probably get this thing working.”

Namjoon let out a soft curse, swerving the truck slightly to move around a left behind Volvo, the cars open like wings with a dried trail of dragged blood leading into the thick forest. Things like that were common accessories, famed like tourist attractions. Namjoon now thought of what the world was really like- could Paris be any worse than America? What was Iceland like these days?

“Nearly there, now,” Namjoon said vaguely, and Taehyung debated whether or not to reply, if there was even anything to reply with at all. That’s how things went now, short replies or simply none at all. When the world died, so did words. Namjoon thought that was funny, how the collapse of society could mean the collapse of communication and language.

“We’ll need to stop for gas,” Taehyung said, his voice barely above a third volume. From the back of the van, you sat with your face looking out towards the left behind road, your eyelids growing heavy at the sound of Kyungmin pressing buttons, and the hum of the van beneath your thighs. “We’re running on fumes.”

Namjoon grumbled a reply, mentioning something about a gas station a couple miles ahead, near the clearing in the woods, just off the road. It didn’t take long to approach, only around ten minutes if Taehyung were to count. At least three songs had played since then. Taehyung couldn’t believe he was now counting using songs.

The station was large, decaying and it looked unsafe. Taehyung didn’t exactly care about the safety of the building itself, just caring about how safe it would be in the long-run. Safe enough to hide inside? Safe enough to step inside? Safety in architectural design didn’t matter anymore. If it looked rusted, it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

Namjoon pulled the truck into the station, immediately noticing a few canisters of fuel that was left for the purpose of using, a sign reading “STAY SAFE” stood up, stuck with black masking tape. The letters were dripping onto the concrete, a small pool of chalky white near the drain where a plant was starting to sprout.

“Are you feeling okay?”

Kyungmin’s voice made you look over from the canisters, a wrinkle between your brows. She smiled, generously, and waited for your reply. “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

She was talking about the Great Escape the other day. You already knew that.

“Just curious,” she replied, the smile never wavering. “There’s not many people left in the world, you know. Next to Namjoon, you and Taehyung are all I have.”

A silence fell on the two of you, and all you could hear was the sound of Taehyung dragging a barrel across the gas station, dipping his head underneath a broken window and scanning the interior of the gas station.

“I’m here for you,” Kyungmin continued, her voice significantly quieter. “You know that, right?”

“Of course I do,” you replied, and your hand came up to stroke her forearm, a smile on your lips. For a moment, it didn’t feel like the apocalypse. In that moment, it felt like two best friends, reunited after a Summer break, the pine trees isolating them from the world, a Studio Ghibli film, released 2019.

And yet Kyungmin moved away, her gaze lowered as she passed across the gas station to meet Namjoon, already lifting canisters of gas towards the car to refill. Taehyung had emerged once again, his bag refilled with cans and cigarette packets, surprisingly a bottle of liquor in his hands as he stepped back into the bitter wind. Inhaling a breath, Taehyung crossed the width of the station and opened the passenger door to the vehicle, setting down his bag and the bottle, as if they were small children.

“There’s no way we’re making it to Georgia on time.”

Taehyung paused, throwing you a look over his shoulder. “What?”

“Let’s think realistically,” you reasoned, tugging at the cloth over his elbow. Above all, you didn’t want Kyungmin to be upset if she overheard. “It’s been...how long? Since we left the warehouse? I haven’t exactly been keeping up with the dates, but it’s been too long, Tae. Normally, it takes less than 24 hours to get from where we are- wherever we are- to Georgia. And yet, we’re still not near. I’m just-” you sighed, raking your hands through your hair. In the dim light, the grease was visible. “I think we’re out of time.”

“Y/N, they’ll be there,” Taehyung said. He didn’t know what else to say, frowning, “I thought you wanted to remain optimistic?”

“I do, but I can’t afford to hope to get to Georgia and find them there. And what?” you continued. Your voice had raised slightly, not enough to make Kyungmin or Namjoon ask questions, but enough to make Taehyung’s nose cringe at the increase. “We get there, and find them. Is anything gonna be the same? What if we get there and they’re gone and there’s no boats? What if we get there and something happens to any one of us? Tae, I can’t have that on me. I can’t have that on my conscience. Not again.”

Not again. “Yena wasn’t your fault, Y/N, you have to know that-”

“I don’t fancy being out on the road all night.” Namjoon stepped into view from around the front of the van, his hands shoved into the pockets of his distressed jeans. “Thinking we keep driving, turn in when it gets dark to the first place we see.”

“Isn’t that a little risky?” Taehyung asked, mentally making a note to continue your conversation later. “I mean, we have to really check the place before we head in.”

Namjoon frowned. “I know that. But, Kyungmin’s feeling kinda travel sick, and I don’t wanna overdo it, you know? Nights like back at the trailer park...I want more of them.”

Already moving to the back of the van, you pulled open the double doors and slipped inside, keeping them open in time for Kyungmin to crawl in after you. Her skin was a shade of ivory, whiter than earlier, as if the sickness had come suddenly like a simulation glitch. Wasn’t that what you were now? A glitch? An error in coding.

Namjoon shut the drivers door, groaning at the loud sound.

“Hey, man, you okay to drive?” Taehyung asked quietly, looking over from shotgun. “Look, if you’re tired, we can switch the orders around.”

Namjoon looked over weakly- “You’re sure?”

Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt, dumping his jacket in the footwell with a sniff of stuffy air. “I’d prefer if you slept if you’re tired. ‘Specially when they’re in the back. Don’t wanna hurt them.”

He made a sort of grunt as a reply, switching seats with the younger. When he was sat in the passenger seat instead of the drivers, he let his head lull back onto the windowpane, feeling the chilly glass cool the back of his head. It was as if resting his head had added extra weight to his eyes.

“‘m gonna drive straight-ish,” Taehyung said with his tongue between his lips, backing up the van slowly and carefully. Namjoon opened his eyes slightly, squinting.

“Can you drive?”

Taehyung changed gears. “Yes.” 

If Namjoon noticed that Taehyung paused, he didn’t mention it. In-fact, he closed his eyes again with a shrug, a half wriggle, resting his forehead against the glass, pushing towards the cool touch.

Taehyung had been driving for hours, for sure.

The time in the van was unlikely to be reliable, reading 5:19pm when the sky was as black as squid ink, the dim street-lights that somehow worked- probably solar - beckoning the group forward. In honesty, Taehyung had no idea how long it had been since the gas station, just long enough to give him a crick in his neck, the back of his thighs numbed. All things considering, Taehyung thought he was getting better at driving.

He flinched slightly as the divider to the back came sliding down, and your face popped out slightly, peering out the front window with sleepy eyes. If he had a free hand, Taehyung would have wiped the sleep from the corner of your eye, and he turned back to the road, oddly afraid of crashing the car with all four of you inside. Like yourself, he didn’t want that on his conscience. Like yourself, he couldn’t have it on his conscience, not again.

“Are we stopping soon?” you asked quietly. Namjoon shifted, making it known he wasn’t sleeping. He groaned, grinding the heel of his palm into his eyes, unbothered when dust and dirt smudged on his skin when he pulled away. He could look worse, he thinks.

“Nearly,” Taehyung replied. “I don’t know where to go from here. Last road was blocked, so, I’m trying to get out of here.”

Namjoon shifted, cracking his shoulder loudly. “You tried any back-streets?”

Instantly, Taehyung thought of the woman earlier in his trip. The way she screamed at the car, scratching at the rusty paint job, her eyes bloodshot and her skin a lime colour. He gulped the hot lump in his throat, “I’d rather avoid them.”

“It’s safer,” Namjoon continued. “Out of the way-”

Somewhere outside of the van, there was a loud crash, similar to the way you sound when you drop something at midnight when your parents are sleeping. The volume was loud, louder than anticipated, and Taehyung unintentionally stalled the van. Kyungmin jeered forward, hitting the underneath of her chin on the seats opposite, sending out a string of foreign curses to Taehyung in the driver's seat. He avoided the stare of Namjoon, deciding he didn’t want to see the deathly glare.

“What the hell was that?” you asked, cradling a throbbing pain on the side of your face after catching it on the separation between front and back. “Is someone here?”

Namjoon stayed silent for a moment, staring darkly into the outside. Taehyung didn’t know what to do except wait, ready to jump into action when Namjoon made a noise of surprise- or was it shock?- and slapped Taehyung’s hand with great panic, “Fucking pull up somewhere. Turn off those fucking lights. Fuck, fuck, fuck-”

“Jesus,” Taehyung cursed, doing exactly that as you leaned back to switch off the lights, submerging Kyungmin into darkness as the blood pooled in her mouth from earlier. She groaned something between her lips, holding her chin with her left hand as she picked herself up to lean over into the front, staring out at what Namjoon was watching across the small street. With the van now in darkness, away from the streetlight, you were invisible.

It wasn’t hard, locating the source of Namjoon’s panic.

Across the street, a flood of artificial white engulfed the street, barely missing the pull-in that Taehyung had moved into moments earlier. Namjoon slouched out of instinct, keeping his eyes on the road as he noticed three people dashing out into the darkness, the explosive lights following them as if they were automatic. They probably were, turning on as they stepped further and further away from the door they ran from. As they hurried past the hidden van, another noise pulled away your attention.

A large garage door screamed as it opened, in desperate need of oil, chains clattering against the metal interior. The light suddenly changed to an eerie green, something you saw in documentaries about weed farms. As it slid further up into the building, Namjoon hitched a breath as the sight of three sets of human legs came into view, dressed in stunning ebony, large guns by their hips. One of them smoked a cigarette, the smoke rising up like old Native smoke-signals. The middle guy pulled up his mask, covering his nose and lower face, and loaded the large Heckler Koch HK MG4 MG 43, aiming it swiftly at the little piggies running away from the slaughterhouse.

Taehyung knew that gun- the Heckler Koch never missed a target. He barely flinched when the gunman hit the kneepits of the runners, sending them to the ground instantly, their bodies buckling under the loss of legs. The screams were loud. Mama has the bacon, now.

The other two gunmen laughed loudly, approaching the pigs and picking them up to drag them back into the garage, a trail of blood marking the concrete like paint. He said something, the main gunner, and the two spares were taken away, possibly to die, maybe to a waiting room where they would await their death, as casually as they would waiting for a doctor’s appointment. The last runner, a man who looked to be in his mid-thirties, with already greying hair at the top, was pulled to the side of the room where three more men emerged, a woman amongst the pack with her hair sprawled out to her elbows, in mermaid curls. She was gorgeous, nobody could argue against that, with her body in a glamorous dress, something too glamorous for the apocalypse. On her feet, heels that presented her perfectly painted toes, a peachy shade.

“What’s happening?” Kyungmin asked. It was rhetoric. Everybody knew the answer.

The woman dressed in glam approached the slumped body of the runner, crouching to cup his face and stroke a thumb across the bags under his eyes, bleeding out with veins a bright red, the red of a freshly picked apple, the red line under a spelling error. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, putting her thumb over his lips and kissing her nail, before retreating and nodding curtly at the men around her. It was a signal, for they picked up the runner and began to tear off his clothes, leaving him stark naked, covered in purple bruises, tiny flowers on his skin.

Taehyung had seen things like this before- he was no stranger to the way the men beat the man with clubs and their boots, laughing at the way he retreated into his own skin, recoiling at every kick and screaming with every sickening club, until he accepted the fact that his body was their plaything. He watched, in morbid wonder, as they dragged him by his swollen balls to the center of the room, where a sharpened hook hanging from a chain off the ceiling swung threateningly, a bone being wagged in the face of a dog. The man whimpered, his eyes hurting, only barely making out his destination before his body shook violently.

The man picked him up as if he was a sack of sugar, with one hand around his neck, promptly planting him on the hook as if it were a throne. Now Taehyung had to close his eyes.

It was curling upwards, sharply, scraping every wall and nerve and good spot that ached. Yet, the men watched with wonder and satisfaction, clapping when he thrashed like a fish out of water. His legs were immobile, moving inches and with every movement came a grunt of pain, flashed with panic and agony from his rather pointy throne, and then the passing pain of his arm being cracked upwards.

The crack was loud.

From behind him, Taehyung heard Kyungmin make a small wheeze, hurrying into the back of the van, where Taehyung watched you pick her head up off the seats, your thumbs in a pool of vomit around her mouth. You didn’t even care about the sick on her knees, or the smell in your nose. Namjoon looked through the slot, dragging the divider up before the sound of retching made him sick, too.

You stopped listening to the retching, quietly shushing each whimper as Taehyung slowly started the van back up, grateful that he was covered by the sound of someone screaming in fucking agony. It felt so wrong, to be thankful of a tortured man. Cock and all, Taehyung was thankful he was screaming. The tyres of the van slowly rolled along the road, in the shadows, at a sluggish pace. Namjoon wiped away a line of sweat on his forehead, unable to look away from the man, thrashing like a pig, hanging like a sack of meat in a slaughterhouse, blood pooling now at the corner of his mouth, his eyes, his nose, dried blood at his ears.

It felt shit to feel thankful of someone’s screaming. Mostly, Taehyung was happy it was them and not him.

[huangels]

nct dream reaction to other members catching you two kissing

request: Hi! 1) your blog is fucking amazing and i love it 2) sorry for cursing 3) Could i request a nct dream reaction where the other members caught you both kissing?

a/n: 1) thank you vv much!! 2) it's all good 3) here you go i hope you enjoy it (idk why it’s so long ugh i tried really hard to shorten it into a paragraph hdjsjs)

˗ˏˋ MARK ˎˊ˗

With a loud groan, you pick up the tub of ice cream and try to screw the top off once again. And once again, failing as the tub is frozen shut. Two pairs of arms envelop the sides of your waist as you slightly hop into the air, almost dropping the ice cream. Mark's face appears in sight as he takes the tub, opening it with no problem. With a big smile, you tilt your heard far enough to catch Mark's lips. His arms enclose you against the counter, turning you around to properly kiss. Your hands leave the tub of ice cream, already forgotten, as the coldest of your fingertips tickle Mark while it runs up the sides of his face, cupping his cheeks. The two of your pull apart as you hear Haechan yell, "Get a room," while walking past the kitchen. Mark's eyes widen for a split second, the tips of his cheeks now pink under your dainty hands, before he squints his eyes and leaves the kitchen to find Haechan.

"I'm gonna slap him into the next year."

˗ˏˋ RENJUN ˎˊ˗

You enter your boyfriend's bedroom in the Dream dorm, asking what he's writing. Alarmed by the sudden voice that broke his silence, Renjun jolts up in his bottom bunk bed and almost knocking his head on the top bunk. He scrambles random papers into a messy pile before stuffing them into a notebook, slamming it shut and holding it against his chest. Your eyebrow raises questionably as Renjun replies with a mumbled "nothing." You hop onto his bed, climbing on his lap and trying to get a peek at the secret papers. Renjun doesn't budge as he holds the notebook over his head, away from your reach. You start to whine, sending pouty looks towards Renjun, his weakness. Finally, he sighs and lowers his arms. Renjun explains, in a low voice, that it's a book full of song ideas. You perk up, encouraging him to show you some. He hesitantly flips to a page with your name as the title, surrounded by hearts. It's a love song, dedicated to you. Buddling with happiness, you pull Renjun into your arms, attacking his face with butterfly kisses, then plant a big kiss on his lips. Standing at the doorway, Jaemin awkwardly coughs into his fist.

"Uhh, I was just showing Y/N the songs we wrote..."

˗ˏˋ JENO ˎˊ˗

Holding tightly to the wii remote, you swing your arms and legs to follow the dancer on the television screen. A bright green perfect flashes over your name as you move further up the meter to 5 stars. Jeno besides you copies the dance moves as well but not enough to catch up to your score. The Just Dance song ends, with a first-place crown symbol planted above your name. Jeno groans with frustration as this is the umpteenth time you've won today. You wiggle around, dancing happily and teasing Jeno about being a dancer but not being able to beat you in Just Dance. With a pouty glare, your boyfriend tackles you to the ground, hovering over you as he attacks back, not with words but with tickles. Trying to speak over your laughs, you surrender, saying you'd do anything for him to stop tickling your waist. "Anything?" he repeats with a smirk, then taps his lips thrice. Rolling your eyes, but not being able to contain your smile, you lean forward to connect your lips with Jeno's into a sweet kiss. Mark enters the living room area, scolding the two of you as there are "kids here."

"Y/N had something in her eye...Oh... why am I on top of her?...uhmmm."

˗ˏˋ HAECHAN ˎˊ˗

A stretched out whine erupts from your side on the couch as Haechan sprawls out, stretching his limbs. You giggle while pushing his arms away, they're blocking your view of the movie. Unsatisfied with your reaction, your boyfriend wiggles up beside you, not paying attention to the comedy movie playing on the television screen. Giving Haechan the side eye, you tell him to watch the movie, but he quickly retorts, saying that he's bored. His chin now rests on your shoulder, staring intently at the side of your face, which causes a blush to form on the tips of your cheeks. You turn your head to ask him what he wants, but the words fall short at the proximity of Haechan's face to yours. Flicking his sight from your eyes to your lips, he moves in to connect your lips. The kiss doesn't last long as someone interrupts the both of you with a loud "eww" and another with a mumbled "gross." It's Chenle and Jisung, walking into the kitchen area for a snack. Haechan throws a cushion pillow at the two, ears reddened.

"Shut up! Can I not kiss my girlfriend in peace?"

˗ˏˋ JAEMIN ˎˊ˗

The last bell for the day rings as you exit the classroom, making your way to your locker. The halls are busy with students, but it soon empties out as everyone quickly heads home. You open the locker, sliding in the textbooks you don't need for tonight's homework. You almost drop a large heavy textbook as someone sneaks up behind you and wrap their arms around your neck. Jaemin's head pops up, smile putting the sun out of its job. He slides next to you, leaning against the rest of the lockers. Jaemin starts to chatter about his day. You listen but focus on packing up the necessary books and notes into your backpack. You slam the locker closed, swinging your backpack over your right shoulder. Not getting the attention he wants, Jaemin swiftly turns, enclosing you in between his arms as they stay planted to both sides of your shoulders. With widened eyes, you glance up at your boyfriend, who's still smiling radiantly, though there is now a hint of playfulness in it. He shuffles forward, the space between you two dwindling, until he's directly in front of you. Your breaths mix as Jaemin's eyes shift to your lips. In no time, his lips meet yours smoothly. You pull away first to catch a breath, face still close to his. Behind Jaemin stands Haechan, Jeno, and Renjun, all giving disgusted stares as they wait for the two of you to break apart before walking home.

"May we help you?"

˗ˏˋ CHENLE ˎˊ˗

You slide your finger across the page, explaining the history behind the compromise. Sitting next to you in the school library, Chenle writes down all of the information you just defined. Sprawled out on the whole table are many textbooks and articles about the time period of the 19th century, along with colorful pens, highlighters, stick notes, and notes. After hours of teaching your boyfriend, you decide to quiz him on key topics that will probably be on the test tomorrow. You ask a rather simple question to start with. As expected, Chenle answers correctly as you send a thumbs up. He screams with joy after finally being able to understand the concepts and memorize the facts. The librarian sends a stern glare, before resuming to her work. Chenle's eye wonder as he taps his chin, expecting something. You shoot him a questionable look, with a raised eyebrow. Your boyfriend states that for every question he gets correct he should get a reward back. Then, he puckers his lips cutely, making you giggle. You lean over the small table to plant a small kiss on his lips. A book behind you falls from its place on the shelf, causing you to whip around. You catch a glimpse of Jeno and Renjun from the slits in the shelves. Chenle grabs a paperback book near him before chucking it towards the direction of the two boys, whining loudly.

"Go away! We're busy studying..."

˗ˏˋ JISUNG ˎˊ˗

"Don't worry Jisung, I've got you!" You say, holding onto both of his gloved hands. He wobbles unsteadily, skates staggering against the slippery ice. The whole Dream dorm decided to go ice skating today, which is not Jisung's forte, even if he's an amazing dancer with great coordination. He whines that you're going to fast, though you're going slower than the toddlers around the rink. After skating around at a slow pace, Jisung gets the hang of it, yet he doesn't want to let go of your hand. "Just in case," he says, with a gummy smile. The both you take a stop adjacent to the wall of the ice rink, the tight ice skates really taking a toll on both of your feet. Because of the coldness of the arena, Jisung's cheeks are rosy with pink, the tip of his nose also matching his cheeks. Your boyfriend is bundled up in a beanie, scarf, puffy marshmallow jacket, and gloves, looking as small as ever, even though he still towers over you. Not being able to help it, with how adorable and warm Jisung looks, you lean in and peck his cold lips. Jisung freezes for a second before spilling on the ice and falling to his butt on the hard icy ground.

"Oh my gosh, Y/N not here... Ouch my butt."

(pls ignore all typos and errors im tiRED)

[trickster-whim]

Arsene's here!

Gonna do a readmore because I talk too much. Also slight doll nudity, but just a normal amount.

I ordered him in June 2019 and I super regret it!! After that first sale, there were a lot more, a lot better sales (multiple heads and sets of hands/feet T_T), and I saw people with those later sales getting theirs way before any update on mine, but... he's here!

... of course, he's only technically "mine". I ordered through BJDivas, and they were great. But when they were going through cancelled/defaulted orders, they found an Arsene that was the same as what I had ordered, so they offered to send me that instead of having to wait forever for mine. So... he's someone else's cancelled order, but he's mine now!

And because shipping costs are astronomical, he shipped unstrung but nicely packed. Just look at 'im.

Of course, a really really petty part of me is a little miffed that he cost the same. Don't get me wrong, times are tough, but I do remember how some companies (not sure if they still do this) used to have an option to ship something unstrung for a discount, since stringing takes time and a bigger box etc.

So, not only did people who ordered after me get multiple extras, a lot of them also got their dolls pre-strung. Sigh. And again, I know this is petty, but he was very expensive for a pile of parts.

I also don't know where to get those little silicone dots that Dollshe puts in the holes in the joints of their dolls, and Vandal didn't come with any :/

(This picture makes everything look really yellow and streaky, but I'm pretty sure it's just the bags or the light...)

At least he's not broken or missing anything. So he just needs to get painted (eventually...) and strung (eventually...), and then I'll have my own little Courier Six. ♪⁠┌⁠|⁠∵⁠|⁠┘⁠♪⁠ 

I feel like this review came off as bitter, but only because I'm bitter. I love the sculpting on these dolls (and I would kill for that superhero David rawr), but the way the company is being run right now..... I've bought three other Dollshe dolls secondhand, and all of those have been relatively smooth, but waiting three years and paying this much in this economy (I'm jk, I made the choice to buy a doll) and getting a bundle of parts without even eyes or silicone joint things... Idk. I'll get over it; I'm super excited to get started trying to make a Vault suit for him. But it's less exciting than I was hoping for.

It doesn't help that he came in a box the same size as the two boxes I got from buying dnd miniatures but costs significantly more, haha.

[jinnielovebot]

stray kids first impressions!

tagged by: @hyyunjinn @lovelyyhyunjin (hyunjin stan squad comin in hot 😩)

tagging: @hyunjinh @christopher-bang​ @seungchanie @felixeslee @felixsfreckles @bangchant @chuuyo @hyunsungg @scene-stealers @straykids1 (im tryna tag new ppl rn pls lmk if u dont want me to LMAO also idk whos done it so far)

the mv drops in like 4 hours im wheezing 

the date you found stray kids: oct. 6

how: i saw articles of jyp’s upcoming boy group/survival show and me, a hoe for survival shows had to know what was going on,,,,,,,and then the hellevator mv showed up in my youtube notifications and i was curious abt it so i clicked it and all hell broke loose from there

first overall impression: pls,,,no hate in my inbox i beg im gonna b real honest n genuine when i say this LFMAO: i didnt like hellevator when i was first listening to it, i kinda liked the beginning part of seungmins voice but once it did like a 180 and went to changbins rap i was immediately turned off by it and i honestly thought “ugh so its another bad boy group why do so many groups try so hard to be edgy nowadays” and i wasnt exactly a fan of the vocals or hardcore rap but i kept listening to it hoping it would get better and it did and once i got to the chorus i started warming up to it AND THEN hyunjins rap is when i hit the fkcing FLOOR and then i ended up falling in love with the song soon after lMFAOSO :’’’’)))) 

tldr; i thought they were trying too hard to b edgy but then realized they r a bunch of cute dumplings that i wanna boop on the daily :///

individual impressions ––

chan: "his hair looks fried” - LISTEN OKAY in the mv his hair looked like a pile of hay NO OFFENSE AHDKAS LMFAO but when i heard that he was a trainee of 7 years i was like holy shit?? my respect for u?? is thru the roof??? to be really honest when i found out he was one of the aussie members and he was the leader of the group i felt kinda iffy because i didnt think he would be fit for that role but i was COMPLETELY wrong after i watched the first few clips of him and honestly i could just feel that he was leader material and w0w i have so much respect for him and also funny story when i first got into them i thought chan and chris were two different poeple i hate myself

woojin: "omfg his neck is thicc af” - LMFASODASDA god i hate myself for that being the first thing i thought of when i saw him AJSDKA OKAY BUT LIKE i forgot which video it was but i just saw him at an angle that made his neck look SUPER THICC and i was like this guy probably has gr9 vocals nd i was RIGHT LMAO i thought he was super cute when he was playing the guitar and singing n oml i love him

minho: “rapper?? singer?? which one is he” - i felt like i was super behind on getting to know him bc i didnt see him too too much in the hellevator mv?? BUT i srsly went heart eyes when i saw him in those cute af circle glasses when he was packing his bundles n not to mention id heard a lot of people rave about his bundles which i thought was SO FKING CUTE and idk when i looked at him he kinda had this like shy smile/look and i thought it was just so precious watching him ;;;

changbin: "why is he so angry in his rapping” - changbin stans pls dont come @ me,,,,,when i first listened to hellevator i started to not really like the song or him after hearing his part because i thought it sounded overly angry and aggressive but after listening to 3racha i honestly started to fall in love with his style more nd more and even know hes probably my fave in 3racha and my luv 4 him grew even more when i saw how cute he was when he smiled and tried to b dark

hyunjin: “IM SORRY BUT WHO ARE U I NEED TO KNOW” - this bih COPPED me of my sanity when i heard his voice in hellevator like it just snapped me awake and made me suddenly 10000% more interested bc i felt like his voice just sounded so idk how to put it but it was like super determined and strong willed sounding kinda like an “watch me prove you wrong” kind of tone WHICH ISNT A BAD THING IDEFK HOW TO EXPLAIN OMG like it just went SUPER well with the flow of the song and i just absolutely fell in love with his voice n then i saw his face and i was like how do u rap like that u have such a cute baby face wtf and then i fking scoured all the possible info on sk to find out who he was and that was when i became a fool™ for him :///

jisung: “wait hes rapping now i thought he was the vocal what” - SIMILAR TO CHANGBIN i wasnt like overly fond of him during the first few parts of hellevator because i thought his vocals were just eh and unnatural sounding until later i realized it was autotunes fault and again like changbin i thought his rap was overly aggressive but it wasnt until 3racha that i started to really really appreciate him and fall in love with his voice not to mention i was SNATCHED by his high note in the hellevator practice perf in front of jyp

felix: “he looks like he has tangerine hair– WHAT THE FK IS THAT VOICE” - o boi even before i started getting into them i’d heard a lot of people rave about how there was an aussie kid w freckles in this group and when i first heard him in hellevator i was definitely impressed with his flow/voice in the song ASKDA and then after that all the moments of him memeing on everything and also his stage charisma just mde me go HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HIM AKSDH he was the first threat to my bias list bc he jus felt like so RELATABLE LMAO and also for the longest time i thought he was the maknae LOOLL

seungmin: “this voice is already a 10″ - goodness where do i start w kim fking seungmin,,,the moment i saw his face i just went heart eyes because he looked like a living marshmallow and his voice?? im dead. seungmins voice has just this warm sounding tone that makes him so easy and pleasing to listen to like IDK WHAT IT IS but i thought the way he sang was just so cute and genuine that i couldnt help but swoon over him ;;;;;; he was and currently still is threatening hyunjins spot on my bias list ASJKDKJAK i actually had a bias crisis around the time that sk went on the busking mission because i would watch hyunjin fancams,,,,,,,,but only pay attention to seungmin,,,,,,,,,,,,,i literally replayed seungmins part in school life like 600 times,,,aHEM anyways 

jeongin: “his eyes are so pointy” - the first thing that attracted me to him were his eyes bc they were just super unique looking?? idk im whack lmao but after watching the episode clips i was just WHIPPED for him bc he looked so soft n smol ;;; AND the part that Snatched me the hardest was when he was singing trot in the practice room and i startedTEARING UP because he was so cute and oh my god i love him

we dead binches after the mv drops good luck my dudes 😔✊

[isaacathom]

the more i worldbuild the divorce the less Lavinia’s actions feel in proportion to anything that Alexis actually did, so i feel like at some point im going to have to add a straight up Bad Decision into Alexis’ vaguely defined breakdown. other than the car thing. now Alexis wouldn’t cheat, which is ironic given that the one jazzy song in my dowburne playlist definitely implies that the other party’s been fucking around, so its not that. and a misunderstanding of such is a little trite. outright lying works depending on what its about, like. idk. if alexis says ‘ill be home straight after work’ and then ends up getting pissed with their workmates and comes home quite late. which is somewhat out of character for Alexis, but works well enough. Alexis wouldnt drink drive, esp with all that, so they were driven home, which kinda sucked because the friend pulls up out front, alexis gets out, the front door opens, and before the friend can pull away lavinia just goes ‘where the FUCK have you been’ and the friend goes ‘oh no’ and fucking zooms outta there. rough shit.

cause in that circumstance itd be a combination of the drunkedness (alexis is not much of a drinker, aside from the post grad piss up, which, i mean, post grad piss up thats just what the shit is) and the lying. and alexis probably meant it when they said it, ill be home straight after work, but then got caught up in the fact that they feel so much better at work than they do at home and the colleagues go ‘wanna go out for dinner?’ ‘sure!’ and thus, whoops!

now my issue there is whether alexis being pissed would be an issue. i mean it is an issue because they probably really should not be drinking that much(mfers be taking Medications, right) but like. does it cause anything here, specifically. does a drunken Alexis lose their fucking shit? im down for them losing their shit. they would not hit Lavinia. This is presumably after the ‘nearly whacked their own son because of nightmares and surprise’ incident, so Alexis is conscious of that kind of thing, and would catch themself. doesnt rule out almost hitting, though. doesn’t rule out a drunken argument in the living room where Alexis drops their guard for once in their goddamn marriage and doesn’t take shit, bares their goddamn soul in a way they never do in front of her, and it doesnt go down super well. theres probably even a bit where chris waddles out of his bedroom babbling about whats going on and alexis continues to be loud and angry, causing chris to cry. which IMMEDIATELY sets Lavinia off to accuse Alexis of not giving a fuck about their sons, which Alexis takes very poorly. because Alexis does care. Alexis cares a lot. Alexis doesn’t know how to express that they care (and Johnathan in particular has intuited this, Chris is too young to have). Alexis launches into some kind of rant about how everyone expresses their fucking emotions differently, how fucking dare she, she launches back with all the times alexis has chosen something else over their kids, alexis goes back with explaining why they focused on work, and at some point during this conversation Alexis absolutely says something on the lines of ‘BECAUSE BEING AT WORK WAS BETTER THAN BEING AT HOME WITH YOU!’ and Lavinia goes dead fucking silent and amidst the fog of alcohol Alexis realises o- oh no. they try to backpedal. they try to explain what they mean. they try to explain that its not what it sounds like, i swear, Lavinia its not what it sounded like, let me explain, i meant that i dont know how to act around you, i dont know how to make you happy, its easier at work, its easier, its me not you, lavinia please- but its not working, alexis can’t explain it, and they know that what they yelled at her was true.

Lavinia gathers up a still crying Chris and takes him back to his room without a word. Alexis splutters but withdraws, knows they’ve fucked it, does not follow her in. She comes out once she’s calmed Christopher down and glares daggers at Alexis from across the hall. “if you dont want to be here, leave.” she says, and she goes to bed, and slams the door shut. Alexis grabs their medication, leaves the house, locks the door behind them, sits on the front door step and calls that friend. “listen mate i- can i crash at your place tonight? i’ll explain... im sorry.”. the friend arrives and bundles alexis into their car and they drive off quietly down the lane. Johnathan peeks through the curtain to watch them go.

Alexis spends that night with the friend, who helps calm them down and tries to assure them that they didnt mean what they said, it was anger and alcohol, when theyre sober they should go back and apologise. but alexis knows it was genuine. alexis knows that they said the truth, and that it was the wrong thing to say, and that they lack the words to explain to Lavinia what it means. ‘its not you, its me’ is too trite an idea, she won’t accept it. she didnt accept it. Alexis passes out on that friends couch, tucked gently in with a blanket.

the next day, the friend drives them back to their car, Alexis drives to the store to try and pick up something. something that will prove to Lavinia that no, they still love her. some kind of token. something to prove it. they cant figure it out. the realisation is dawning. they end up just buying a packet of muffins, reason that if nothing else, a muffin for afternoon tea can’t go be the worst thing. gets home. finds it empty. turns out lavinia had taken the boys out, to a park or a cafe or something. just leaving a note “we’ve gone out - we’ll be back soon, we promise :)”. Alexis places the set of muffins on top of the note and ends up just sitting on the edge of the bed they shared, what seems like years ago, with Lavinia. Lets the weight of their decisions settle in their chest. try to push it down by organising some of their things, rearranging their things in the closet and folding up others, subconsciously aware that its almost like theyre making things easier to pack up later - ends up sitting on the bed to cry. doesnt hear the car pull in. doesnt hear the door open. doesnt realise theyre home until Johnathan calls out from the doorway and they look up in a start. Lavinia stands behind Johnathan with the same glare of the evening before, but Alexis briefly ignores her to respond to Johnathan, asks how his day out with mummy was, offers a hug which john accepts. john quickly babbles about their day, about playing frisbee in the park. Alexis laughs, catches Lavinia’s eye again, and goes “tell you what champ, you can tell me all the details later - mummy and i need to talk. there’s a muffin in the counter - only take one!” “muffin?!” and johnathan darts off, and alexis calls “only take one!” Lavinia steps in the threshold and closes the bedroom door behind her. Alexis sits back down on the bed, puts their head in their hands. sighs. Lavinia folds her arms and waits.

Alexis eventually, eventually says “I’m sorry, I-” but their voices catches again, their words leave, they fall back into an agonising silence where their brain whirls. none of that flow from the night before, with the aid of the alcohol, comes to them now. its just stammers into silence. fragments pop up. “its not you, its me” “i didn’t mean it” “i care, i care, i-”. Lavinia sits on the bed next to them. they sit in silence for a little more. She eventually asks - asks, not says - if they want time apart, and there’s an edge of bitterness there. Alexis thinks about it, considers saying no, they want to stay, they want to stay with her and the kids, but they know... they know. the guard drops, and Alexis says yes. “for the sake of the kids, if nothing else. i’m sorry they keep having to see this. i’m sorry, lavinia.” lavinia snorts. alexis continues “I’ll find a hotel. we’ll... we’ll try a week.” a thought rises, and they smash it back down. But the eye contact with Lavinia says that she thought it too - it’s going to be more than a week. She sighs, and gets up off the bed. “I’ll help you pack.”

and so it goes. the end of their marriage comes officially a few weeks later. 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 2: “That Was a Little Coo-Coo Crazy for Me” - Jack [ PART II ]

First, the positive: Kabru dodged tribal for the second time, and not only that but we put up a very high score that could've easily been competitive for the top spot. That tribe is rolling, and I chatted some with Jakey last night which reassured me about him a lot. No idea why I was so intimidated, he's super chill and friendly.

Now, the bad.

ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME. ANDAMAN IS NOT BAD ENOUGH TO BE GOING TO TRIBAL FOR THE SECOND TIME.

This SUCKS. In the first round, we lost a tiebreaker despite doing everything right. In this round, we lost the tiebreaker TO the tiebreaker. 

Complete and utter shenanigans. 

Tomfoolery. 

Nonsense. 

We could've avoided the whole damn thing if I'd have been less of an idiot and taken my time on step 18. And I acknowledge the ridiculousness of putting any of the blame on myself when I was our highest scoring player and miles ahead of Abbey and Emma. But there it is. I wish I could have saved my brainfart for one more step.

Anyway, it can't be helped now, unless someone knows how to build a time machine. I'm relieved that Jack, Abbey and I made this alliance because, although I wish we didn't have to show our cards so soon, this just makes sense. The vote will be an easy one on our end, but it still sucks and I hate burning Emma like this. She deserves better. Wrong place at the wrong time is an especially shitty way to go out.

Logan and I were talking last night and I think we both agreed: since this twist is fairly limiting, it's pretty reasonable that until someone feels the timing is right to topple the apple cart, we'll probably keep seeing the people going to two tribals being the first casualties. So I really hope there's a swap or a change-up soon, otherwise we're in line for more predictable boots. As a cast of all-stars, I think we'd all like our hands a bit less tied. But all we can do is adapt to the circumstances.

I'm also making an effort today to improve my bonds elsewhere, just in case a swap does happen. Focusing on those I haven't spoken to much since the reveal (Simon, JC, Owen, Ricardo.) I also genuinely do want to get to know Simon a bit better, because despite our past differences he's always struck me as a pretty bright dude. It'd be neat to see what makes him tick. Owen, too, but I know from past experience that we're just not super socially compatible. SUPER kind dude, but our conversations always fizzle out. And JC will be interesting, too, even though I feel like I already know them a bit due to our past game. Where neither of us remember what happened. BUT DAMMIT, JC WAS THERE.

After this vote cycle, I think one of two things happens: 1. there's a swap to proactively stop this pattern of voting. Two tribes of 8, with one person from each game sent to exile and joining the losing tribe post-vote, maybe? That would at least give more options if people are INSISTENT on knocking both versions of a player out at once.

OR

2. We wait until one tribe is reduced to two players, a la Philippines, then 'disperse' them. I say 'them' because I'm using all the positive thinking in the world and hoping it's not Andaman but Makalu, and that it's Logan and Jenn who emerge unscathed from the pile of rubble.

Or, come to think of it, maybe a Palau-esque absorbtion? Man, there's so many moving parts and possibilities. 

It's exhausting being social. But I think I'm managing to be friendly with people in a way that's not seen as annoying. And I think the big difference is that I'm not talking to people just for the sake of talking to them, like I did in Rebels & Rogues. I genuinely enjoy a lot of this cast and I think (hope?) the feeling is mutual. So I'm doing everything I can to shut down the gamebot thoughts that pop up, and it's been paying dividends on the social front.

Now, if we could just win a fucking challenge. 

This challenge was pretty yikes, not gonna lie! When I came up with it for Machu Picchu I was very proud of myself but like...now I realize the pain I inflicted on all of my players and I would like to apologize for that. I decided to just type out each message instead of copy + paste because I thought I would be able to go faster that way, but instead I just got super frazzled and accidentally typed the wrong thing and I flopped with only 8 points. At that point I was in panic mode and I was CONVINCED I was going to get blindsided on Okhotsk and savagely voted out of Jannu so I had to get to work!

I first started talking to Jessy, and we both agreed that as more old-school players who haven't played in a while that playing with a bunch of recent players was very intimidating. We worked together in Adversaries a bit but not too much, but I do trust that she's telling the truth when she says she wants us to have each other's backs, so I felt confident there. Then, I messaged Steven about how I fricked up and he was very quick to tell me that even if we ended up going to tribal, he would work with me to figure out a way to stay. Looks like my social game and strategy of connecting to him day 1 paid off! We didn't end up having to go to tribal, but I feel confident enough in my relationships with Jessy and Steven that if that situation ever comes up I'll be alright.

Both of my tribes came middle of the pack which meant NO TRIBAL, but also no adventure. I'm eager to win a reward at some point because, as far as I know, I'm one of 5 people (myself, Simon, Kait, Jenn and Jimmy) who have a clue to the whereabouts of the idol. Any of them, or Alex for that matter, could have told other people in which case #RIP, but I figured that letting that group know would be beneficial in hopefully keeping the idol close to home instead of out and around for anyone to find. Jimmy said he had no luck, so next round I'm DETERMINED to get out there and find that idol myself.

i still dont have an alliance i literally just talk to people what the fuck someone align with me or im gonna align. if someone doesnt aling with me by next round im gonna make an alliance

So avoiding the first 6 tribals has been fun, really enjoying not having to put myself through any torment whatsoever.

Still feeling like a grungy disease-ridden spud among quality potato gems which is really good for the ego, but hey there's getting less and less of the potato gems.

I'm just gonna continue making mates and fart-arsing around 

I'm not going to tribal again YASSSSS. I'm so glad to not have to go to tribal again where I could end up possibly go home!! However I'm hella worried that my ally Emma might end up getting sent home because in my mind it'd be a smart strategy to vote out someone who's going to tribal in both their A and B games because then there'd be no way for them to get revenge on you if they were going to tribal. However, I'm hoping that she has enough ties to stay in regardless :s

Apart from that I'm also upset that I didn't get to go on the bombass adventure, like Simon gave me the idol clue that he got from the sacrificial lamb which is poppin if it's real. But oh well I'll just hold onto it til I do finally get to go to the adventure bleh!! 

I still haven't gotten any alliances or anything yet but I think I'm in the numbers on THOTse, like if we go to tribal again it'll probably be Simon going home. Idk about Hudson but I think I have a good relationship with Logan at least? Idk hopefully the others like me too, or enough that I'll be safe if we do end up going to tribal.

I guess I could do a mini cast assessment now that I've gotten to know my tribes better? I'm still struggling a bit to get conversations going with EVERYONE but like..come on...over 20 people so I'm trying my best. 

Lets start with Bering: Jenn - Really hit it off with Jenn early on and would definitely like to work with her on this tribe. She seems pretty level headed and kind of reserved which is nice because I'm kind of bad around really vocal people. Carson - Again really nice and I've had a few conversations with him. Not sure about how I could work with him in the long run because he's keeping his cards close to his chest. MJ - He's hard to call. Had one conversation with him and it was a little forced which is meh. He seems a little forceful in his opinions and I'm not sure if that's someone I want to work with. He doesn't seem to like his other tribe though so I'll be nicey nice to him. Ruthie - Honestly really amazing. Our conversation flowed pretty well straight off the bat and she seems like such a lovable person. I really want to work with her purely because she's so nice and I feel she would be loyal down the line. Okay...onto Jannu! Matt - So I was really happy I got put on a tribe with Matt. He's really cool and we got chatting before we even ended up on a tribe together and I like people who take the time to approach me. I think he is a strong gamer and honestly I'd like to have someone like that close to me because they know what's going on. He's also a really nice guy so hopefully something could work out there. Jessy - I LOVE Jessy. She's got so much positive energy and is just a bundle of fun. Everyone must love her..right? RIGHT? I'd really like to work with her too but I think her and Matt have played with each other previously but I'm yet to find out if that ended ugly or not. Ultimately her and him would be my 2 main choices on this tribe. Steffen - We have a lot of mutuals but we've never actually got to play together so it's fun being on a tribe with someone I know well-ish. He is kind of known for being a bit.....loose with words so I've gotta be careful there. I also think he's pretty close with Abbey so there's that... Abbey - Really had to force myself through a conversation with her. I just don't think we're gonna have any longevity together in the game. She's kind of....bland? I don't know maybe I just need to try harder. I'm just not getting the positive energy like I have with the rest on this tribe. I'll need to get to the root of the Jessy/Matt conundrum though b/c it could become a case of her being the swing. Other people: Jimmy - Love Jimmy, he's easy to talk with and definitely an ally going down the road since I don't think he knows many people here. Lydia - Honestly? Still struggle to talk with her. I think if I can get her to give me info that's what I can hope for at best. Definitely don't see us replicating some Port Royal alliance. J.C. - I love them! I wish they were around more often because they have an Irish connection which is lol. I think they'd be someone I'd like to work with in the future. Ric - Ric is a cutie, but he's also messy as fuck. Nearly cost me my game last time we played together in Sicily AND left with 2 idols. Gage - I'd love to work with Gage, definitely need to start shooting him a few messages. We know each other from different series but he's a player and will cut you so I'll be weary. 

Everyone else I've not spoken to since opening night TBH. Jack gave me a cool vibe so idk. Kait gave a shitty one so probably ain't gonna go after that one. Simon...lol. Maybe i'll send him a message fo the lols. And I've still not even added Logan or Pat, whoever they are!

This vote is rough. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and it's exactly why I wanted to avoid going back to tribal in Game B. I want to work with Emma, Jenn, and Owen, buuuut I can't!!! Do that!!!! If we're going to tribal!!!!! Like, I even thought of a way to keep us all in the game, but with Emma being on vacation, communication with her has been limited. And the plan requires a lot of trust between all four of us. Basically it would be that one of the people safe in Game A (Jenn, Owen, and myself) would sacrifice their life in Game B to keep in Emma, who is definitely going home in Game A. But again, with Emma being gone, I don't think she was able to gain enough trust with Jenn and Owen to make them willing to rock the boat for her. I have no problem throwing away my Game B life, mostly because doing this move would shake up what's been kind of a stale game thus far, but even I'm not sure if I trust Owen enough to want to. Between Emma and Owen, I definitely think Emma is the better ally. But I don't trust him to keep things on the down-low, and my plan would kinda backfire if someone outside of us for knew about it. I can't vote Owen out either, since he's safe in Game A and could blow up Jenn and I's games by revealing our alliance to the One World chat. I really wanted Emma to go far, especially after what happened to her in Olympics. I've wanted to play in a game with her for a long time too. This is suuuch a bummer....

Dear Diary, 

It's been a rough one. I won immunity on both tribes, but at what cost? My loving, caring, amazing, perfect, showmance is going to tribal and so is Jenn. Jenn is just okay, but I still care about her safety. Logan apparently was being a weirdo about keeping Emma instead of Owen, which like I get yk! I get it you have your pals and want them to be safe! But Jenn is gonna get what Jenn wants like that's just how it works friendo! 

Anyways Diary, I'm really pissed I didn't get to go on the adventure! Especially, since Jakey got this cool record player thing that flips the immunity results. I can't wait to be fucked over by it! But he can make the losing tribe be safe and the winning one go to tribal, so that's kind of yikeridoodlydoos!!! Anywhooooo! I gave him the idol clue for shits and giggles tbh. Probably a bad idea in the long run but honestly I hardly even want the idol! So WHATESJDK  whatever idk who cares im just here to have a good time hehehehee 

Also Emma is leaving apparently. I know what's going on in the game unlike Ricardo who messaged me once today asking me if i was going to tribal and I said no and he goes oh okay and doesn't message me again. Okay hunty!

Okay Diary thank you, love always, 

Lil Kait

so at the start of this round, alex gave owen his immunity idol clue, and owen gave his clue to jake. jake gave the clue to me and we had a whole plan to get to the idol system first and find the idol or whatever it is and i thought i had a good chance because the immunity challenge was something i'm really good at but my tribe wasn't really good at it, so i didn't get to find it :(

i think i did really good in the challenge though to the point my tribes might see that i'm useful but i think i'm not in the clear just yet. matt and steven are definitely working together and matt implied that to me that he's talked to him the second most and honestly? i don't trust matt for shit. he tried to butter me up and say that i'm the "only one he talks to" as if! 

in the tribe chat he said his score was 8 and then he said it was 7 and nearly made me go to tribal council and i think it was a mistake but i think my tribe thinks he's a shady heck and that's cool whatever idc! 

i have zero alliances and i really want that to change, but i literally don't know how to work with these people. i really don't think they like me that much, so i'm really praying for a swap. 

jake found the record thing at the adventure thanks to owen's help and i know he's more loyal to me than owen. thanks owen for handing him the golden record though. it's not exactly an idol because you only have one hour to use it and that's scary as shit.

emma's leaving tonight on both tribes and i'm honestly heartbroken :( she's literally a queen and now i'm running out of people i was going to work with. i had a dream i was going to be in an alliance with her and jake but i guess it just won't work out.

i'm disappointed i couldn't find the golden record for myself. i have to try really hard in these challenges or i'm going to be voted off. i think jc might be the hudson tribe boot if we ever go to tribal council, but with this dual tribe twist, i think if both my tribes lose, people will just vote me off in order to have the game move faster. i really hope that doesn't happen, and i'll just HAVE to try much harder socializing to ensure it doesn't.

literally pray for me