#im trying to get this guy SEEN but i can't think of any other tags

[a-sleepy-ginger]

26/5/24

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Managed to remember an essay

Toast

Started watching witch from mercury

[ghouldtime]

i usually don’t message anyone or anything but i just wanted to say i love your characterizations of konig, ghost, and soap very much. the love and appreciation you have for these characters really come through in your writing.

the cod fandom is full of talented writers but the majority of them write smut. it gets tiring scrolling through the tag and just seeing porn when i actually just wanna see… ppl who enjoy the characters outside of sex appeal, yk? so your blog, truly and genuinely, is a breath of fresh air.

that’s not even mentioning the ppl who write them as abusive or use them to fulfill certain fantasies. i mean i don’t kink shame ofc, but idk sometimes ppl write them in extremely degrading ways that do a disservice to their character and it bugs me a little. plus all the “innocent bimbo reader” rhetoric, idk it gets tiring.

anyway, sorry for the yap session, but i did mean everything i said genuinely !!

💚💚💚💚 Salutations anon! You really don't know how much I appreciate hearing this. Seriously, messages like this give me motivation to keep writing and to stay active on here. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU from the very depths of my heart. You've all been so so incredibly kind, sweet, and encouraging 😭 I don't know what I've done to deserve this but it's appreciated and you all are absolutely awesome. This has made my YEAR, thank you for taking time out of your day to send my silly self a message 💚💚💚💚💚

I'm so so happy my characterizations have hit the mark for some people and that I'm (hopefully) doing them some justice! I'm always worried about that because characterization matters heavily to me and I want to respect their characters and how much they mean to me and other people through it EVEN IF THE WRITERS OF THE LAST MODERN WARFARE DON'T KNOW WHAT A PROPER STORY LINE IS AND KILLED SOAP WHICH I'M NOT FORGETTING, IM NOT FORGIVING, AND IM CERTAIN NOT LIVE LAUGH LOVING WITH IT. I'm refusing to accept he's dead, no matter what they say

I love the boys all so much. They all have such interesting things about them and have a lot more dynamic to them than people think and I just want to represent them right, especially lesser appreciated characters (haven't actually really written for them yet but Keegan, Logan, Hesh, Sandman, Roach, Nikto, Krueger - legit I love them, anyone feel free to send asks or scenarios you'd like I WILL write them. Legit, y'all, you can send me asks about certain characters even if there isn't much on them. I WILL do my research and I WILL write to the best of my ability)

Oh there's many talented writers in the COD Fandom, there really are. I can't say I really know any personally seeing as I never really interact with other blogs but I've seen some reallly really nice fics with so much thought put in them. But equally, there's a lot of just... smut. Not even well written smut, I'm sorry, but a lot of it is just really, really poorly written. I'm all for do what you want, write whatever makes you happy. Freedom of speech! If it makes you happy, cool! But I'm also going to cringe cause a lot of it is... yeah, yikes

Not trying to be the smut police and say every detail must be accounted for and everyone should follow it in a certain way but plz basic anatomy 101, basic prep 101, no guy gal or enby pal will appreciate it if you just shove it in to anywhere dry and I've seen a loooot of that and other things that just hurt?????

I get it, people learn by reading/writing, but this is literally just a single search away. And common sense. There's also a lot of practices being unsafely represented (like fifty shades of gray level) and uh it's not on purpose, it's not meant to be dubious, but it just is written as that. PLEEEEASE please please do some research, the internet is right there

But I felt the same way. Like bless whatever y'all want to write, no shame and NO shade to writing smut. I'll probably eventually do it myself again in the future (undecided on that but it'd likely be a side blog if I do and would never be a main focus, I prefer story over smut action. Once again, no shade and no shame to those who don't, to each their own!). Never ever going to full on NSFW mode or only writing that, I'm always always always going to prioritize writing the characters first and trying to get more stories out there about them :D

But I got tired of opening it and all I see is just... smut, smut, more smut, extremely dubious content x 50. And maybe a sprinkle of normal things or fluff here and there. I just don't look in the tags honestly anymore, because so many people just don't properly tag it or give 0 warning at all, not even under a read more, just BAM, unavoidable unless you flat out don't look at the tags at all

There's more to the characters than just being attractive 😭and I love exploring those aspects of them and trying to figure out why they are the way they are

Also I'm ALWAYS going to have an issue with people who fetishize horrible things. When you're actively fantasizing and writing about someone abusing someone else, like flat out abuse, and being incredibly toxic and terrible to someone - just, please talk to a therapist. That's not social commentary, that's not a proper portrayal of real, HORRIBLE things that affect many people and have very real repercussions - that's perpetuating the negative narrative around a lot of struggles and setting it back by instead turning it into something that's treated as attractive. I really fully can elaborate on this and have a whole rant - but it's not cute and it's NEVER cool to fetishize actual, awful awful things that happen to people. Dead dove doesn't excuse you from judgement - especially when it's not even acknowledged. You're just saying you know what you write is probably morally reprehensible. Hey, I'm going to reprehend and won't respect you at all when you write awful things just cause and get off on it. Think people forget that. Dead dove is a descriptor and doesn't excuse you or make you instantly free from judgement or mean you're not doing something problematic/disgusting. It's just saying you know it is, that's about it.

I don't get why people do that when it's clear they have no idea what they're talking about. I've seen that a lot with the bully! Things. Like... wow, clearly some of you WEREN'T bullied and you're writing about it and it shows because if you were, hey, you know how fucking awful that shit is and how it leaves life long effects. Not saying this applies to all but there's a lot I see like that where it's just ".... wow, okay, so you don't have any idea what you're talking about, cool."

AND YEAH the mischaracterization really does do a great disservice where it's clear they're just after the characters for their physique. They just warp them so bad it's like "Are we talking about the same character?" . In AUs you get to explore that and can shape them to your wants, that's your choice! Highly recommend AU's, it allows so much freedom.

But when it's like.... regular? And it's just no where close and they're doing a 180 in how they actually are (like having Ghost flirt with strangers and be big scary daddy dom im sorry he's not at allllll) I don't get it and it's clear you really aren't writing about or for the character - at that point, plz, make your own characters. Just make your own OCs, it's great! And you can make them HOWEVER you want instead of just ignoring a character's characterization to make them fit what you want. And guess what? It's your character so you can TRULY do what you want and have them the way that you want instead of bending characters to fit a box that they weren't made for

I'm not saying you HAVE to write a character the same as me or in a specific way, but when it's a character with an established personality/backstory, the least you can do is follow that outside of AU's if you're writing for them. That's... the whole point of writing that character - I don't get why you'd write for them specifically if you're literally going to ignore everything about them

SPEAKING OF THE INNOCENT BIMBO THING, I'm also really not a fan. Once again, if that makes you happy to write or read, cool! I just am NOOOOT a fan. Why does the reader always have to be so small and so delicate and so pure/innocent? Why does the reader have to be just so UWU coded? Why are they always like "oh you're so little and small :( and just don't know any better" . It's either that or they're John fucking Wick with little in between. Pleeeease it hurts my soul

Its why I try to genuinely write a neutral geared reader with reactions that will likely fit a lot of people! I'm always taken out of a story's immersiveness when it mentions something like like your hair length or how uwu small you are in comparison. Give me just... average sensible reader. Give me reader who has realistic human reactions. Give me reader who isn't perfect, give me a reader who isn't magically special or different. Give me a reader who is just doing their best, who is THEMSELVES, with no intent otherwise. I love those fanfics so so much instead of trying to feel like I have to be something I'm not to get myself in the mindset to read some pieces NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR YAPPING. IM ALWAYS WANTING TO TALK IM ALWAYS AROUND 💚💚💚💚THANK YOU FOR THE MESSAGE IT MAKES MY HEART WARM AND MAKES ME SO SO HAPPY

[tomatoswup]

good night ☾ 2

summary: having the Vash plushie as a companion is a big help but sometimes you can't help but think about the past. Vash plushie to the rescue!

the plushie series: 1 , 2 , 3

warnings/tags: hurt/comfort, fluff? vash plushie is such a sweetheart :'),

A/N: i can't help but bring my angst urges into things okay im sORRY LMAOOKDNSLKNF but fr i 100% believe the plushie is gonna try to cheer you up when you're sad like ugh u lil cute thing plz. Hope yall enjoy this lil thing! am waiting for june to come

To be honest, the cute little guy really helped you a lot mentally, stopping those depressing filled nights and nightmares that you’ve had after that event from engulfing your conscious.

Has it been 2 years already? Time flies doesn't it? You never really noticed how aware the plushie was until he asked you if you were alright one night.

Sometimes he’d cuddle against your cheek to, in his words, "help" you sleep, and other times he’d sleep under your blanket, but the poor thing had nightmares of its own too.

Often times you’d catch him whimper and curl into a small ball in his sleep, to which you couldnt help but put your hand out and softly rub the top of his head with your finger to soothe the poor plushie.

But the lil’ thing was a trooper! He’s up the next morning urging you to get some donuts for breakfast and man.

You've never seen the plushie so happy that he almost popped a stitch! He ran around in circles, jumping up and down around your feet so much when you came back to your camp with a box of them that you kinda got scared you were gonna step on him.

"The pink one!" He screeched out, elated as you picked out a pink sprinkled donut and handed it to him. The damn donut was the same size as himself!

"Hey! Be careful!" You shouted out, watching as the small figure tumbled down a small sand hill with the donut, causing you to sweatdrop.

Why'd he kinda look like a tumbleweed....

You heard him squeak out from below, before seeing him cutely hop up to your temporary camp, a big bite already visible on the donut as the nibs of his arms held it up above his head "I-Im okay!"

“Good! I don’t think I have any sewing supplies to fix you bud.” You grinned as he waddled over to where you sat at the fire.

"What'cha making?" He curiously asked as he peeked around your ankle. Poking at the cooking fire, you looked down at him, the blue beady eyes of his staring into the fire "Well, I'm cooking some chicken I had left-over from the other day." You smiled down at him as he jumped up and down "FOOD!"

You couldn't help but giggle at the excitement the plushie gave out, how did he even digest things? You haven't really seen him eat anything during his time traveling with you but maybe that was a question for another time.

"Ya know," You couldn't help but say "I think my friend would've liked you.." You softly smiled, turning to the fire as you turned the roasting chicken.

"Friend?" He tilted his head "What friend?" You stared on into the fire, the wind blowing the heat mildly into your face "You haven't met him, but it was a friend I deeply loved."

"You loved him?"

"..." You couldn't help but put your knee up to rest your head on "Yeah, I did. But they passed a few years ago." You heard the plushie take another bite of his donut before coming up and plopping down to sit beside you "Never got to tell him I did though.." You quietly chuckled as the plushie looked up at you, a dead stare had been painted on your face as if it were a past that hurt to touch.

The Vash plushie stayed quiet before taking another bite of his donut "Well, I think you're a very pleasant person to be with! I mean, you've taken care of me pretty well!" He squeaked out "You treat others with the respect they give back! You're a kind person!" His feet started moving up and down.

"I think he would've loved you too."

AWWWWWWWALSFfknsk

You couldn't help but let out tears at the comforting words the plushie provided you as he patted your leg, telling you it was okay and that you weren't a bad person for having continued with your life without him. To which he proceeded to trying to do cartwheels to cheer you up you didn't want to admit it kind worked. But at some point you asked him to stop because the poor thing had been on its 5th failed attempt, every time belly-flopping onto the ground.

"Okay okay, I'm okay now Vash!" Trying to get the lil' guy to stop, you took a whiff of the air before freezing "I-Is the chicken burning?"

"Yup!"

GODDAMN IT-

You owed this plushie another donut.

And the night passed, you having slept better than most other nights. But the two of you had to hit the road again, getting packed up and ready to go by the morning.

Back in his usual place in the pocket of your shirt, he put up an arm nib and pointed it forwards "LET'S GOOO!" Snorting at his burst of energy, you began your stride in the sand once again with the map in hand.

"We're not far from getting to the city, I'm estimating one more day before we arrive." You said, fixing the hat on your head from the glaring sun before squinting ahead at something that caught your eye "You see that too right?"

The plushie's eyebrows furrowed as he copied you, squinting and physically pushing himself forwards to see if he could see closer "A man?"

The sight of a man in black stuck out like a sore thumb in the tanned desert just a few feet away from the two of you. A grey motorcycle propped up next to him as the man tuned and did something to the metal's gears.

He looked a bit familiar, too familiar.

"I think I know hi-" You wondered out before the plushies' loud and high pitched scream interrupted you.

"HELLOOOOOO!!!!"

The man turned and there you were met with a pair of sunglasses and the mischievous grin of someone whos' gospels often had you wanting to beat him half to death.

"Well well! Fancy meeting you here!"

oh god....

[chaosclover1999]

so general political fandom opinion that is also kinda emotionally charged 4 me that i don't think a lot of ppl will agree w me on:

while it's generally understood that "race-bending" a character can b politically insensitive in certain contexts, e.g. making the only character in a show that's a racial minority white, or making a character POC 4 clout ect

i feel like we as adults need 2 acknowledge that the same can b said of gender-bending characters

[important: there is a difference between gender-bending a character vs headcanon-ing them as trans, trans hcs r not what this is abt]

there's a very concerning trend i've noticed lately, where ppl will take a fandom ship that's a mlm ship and gender-bend it into a wlw ship, or even just make art of the mlm ship but in the description say "lesbians" or "yuri" and omg don't get me started on the ppl i c calling mlm ships "yuri yaoi" 2 indicate a non-toxic mlm "yaoi" ship

u guys need 2 come off of the gender essentialism kool aid, i rly need u 2 get this thru ur thick fucking skulls

being a man is morally neutral

being a woman is morally neutral

being a man does not make some1 inherently bad or abusive

being a woman does not make some1 inherently better or remove any toxic traits

it's exactly that kind of mentality, the idea that being a man is inherently wrong or evil or perverse in some way, that kept me and many other transmascs in the closet 4 way longer than we would've been otherwise, that leaves us fearing ourselves, what lies beneath the facade of false womanhood, that leaves us unequipped 2 deal w the concept of loving ourselves and accepting ourselves completely

trans men ARE men and not just when you want to malgender them

transmascs ARE masc and not just when you want 2 use our masculinity against us

transmascs who see ourselves as "man-adjacent" are still hurt when u say this shit abt us and abt men even if they r men in a way that's different from us

also, gay men (and probably also bi and other groups of men who love men but i can't speak 2 that personally) , who are often accessorised by straight women (c "gay best friend") often hav 2 deal w being seen as an accessory 2 straight women and being expected 2 make our entire existence revolve around straight women while at the same time our love is seen as inherently toxic, the "logic" usually goes smth like "well men r inherently abusive and there's 2 men so that must mean they r just abusing each other in a circle right?" which obviously isn't how that works bc not all men r abusive bc abusive behaviour is not smth inherent 2 being a man

im so sick of wanting 2 look at an mlm ship 2 try 2 remind myself that it's okay that im like this and that i am the way i am only 2 c the tag flooded w gender-bend fanart or ppl calling these gay men "lesbians" 2 indicate that they r older than 25 or 2 indicate that they think the ship isn't toxic or worse, they say that the original ship is toxic, don't explain y other than "man inherently abusive" and then make a gender-bend of the ship and act like it's them "fixing" it

i am not inherently abusive 4 being a gay guy

i am not inherently abusive 4 being transmasc and "man-adjacent" as i would put it

i also am noticing ppl putting words like "lesbaians" or "yuri" in the description when they make more chaste mlm ship fanart like of cuddling or hand holding which like.... ew.... way 2 piss off 2 communities at once ig

i wasn't 2 mad abt the gender-bends at 1st but then i started 2 notice a pattern and i had 2 say smth

istg if i c 1 more person make gender-bend fanart of an mlm ship w the description being "fixed it" or another fucking piece of fanart that is of 2 men being cuddly and chaste and neither of these men identity as also being women and the description is "lesbaians" or "yuri" i am going 2 fucking scream

tumblr users stop taking popular mlm ships and then flooding the tags 4 them w wlw gender-bend fanart versions of those ships at the very least make ur own tag 4 it like idk "fem![character]xfem![character]" or "fem![ship name]" it's not ok when u invade our mlm ship tags 2 tell us u think our love is toxic or that it would b better if we were women, ur literally just invading our online spaces where we go 2 feel safe 2 tell us u don't like us, and 4 some of us, 2 tell us that u wish we never transitioned

just 2 b clear im not talking abt cases here where the characters in question r nonbinary in a way that means that they see themselves as both men and women and so ppl call it "yuri yaoi" bc the characters r both men and women at the same time, that's a whole different thing of ppl just having some cool stuff going on w their gender and not at all what this post is abt, it's also smth tho that i hav not seen nearly as much as what this post is abt and also i don't hav any experience w being nonbinary in that way so im gonna leave that topic 4 some1 who has a better understanding of that shit than me

[xieni-logs]

Ooooh how about the whole Astral Express fam but both Caelus and Stelle + Y/N at an amusement park? Like who would be grabbing onto who for dear life on rollercoasters, who enjoys the spinny and 100 mph rides and then all of them on those water raft rides or just some ride with enough room for them all?

THE ASTRAL EXPRESS: AMUSEMENT PARKS

a/n: i hope i did your request right. i havent been to an amusement park in years so im honestly just assuming these rides all exist inside one park. i did think of writing for pompom but wondered if pompom can even leave the express. i enjoyed writing this, thank you! (ˊᗜˋ)/

March 100% enjoys thrill rides and ferris wheels. she acts like the ride is scary when she's in line but has no fear taking out her camera right before the roller coaster is about to drop. does her little peace sign pose and takes a picture as the people around are yelling and someone passed out. she'll even go on a ride multiple times just for a good picture. forces everyone to go with her at least once. if you say yes easily, great: you're going on the drop tower for the third time in two hours with March now! Welt holding his poor back, Himeko is a little dizzy, Dan Heng is sweating and feeling nauseous, Stelle and Caelus are both saying they're perfectly fine but their legs are shaking like crazy, March is completely unaffected though! she's running to the next ride and telling everyone to hurry up as if she didn't just make Caelus throw up inside a little. if you're unaffected like she is, pray for your legs because you'll be standing in line for hours going on the same ride again and again.

Caelus enjoys the bumper cars and bumper boats the most. there’s something therapeutic about purposefully crashing into people, according to him. he targets people but denies it. has nearly flipped another bumper boat open and was forced to apologize to the whoever was on that bumper boat by welt later. don't be surprised if Caelus begins targeting you for no reason, he does it for everyone!

Stelle loves the haunted houses and test of strength games. nothing better than going through it all trying to prove who's better. March happily goes along with her, Caelus will too, and Dan Heng will be dragged along whether he likes it or not! Himeko and Welt wait outside, still recovering from the rides March dragged them on. most of the time, you'll walk through the haunted house no problem. the most you'll get is a sharp gasp from Caelus and Stelle or an "EEP!" from March, and nothing from Dan Heng. but if it's one of those creepier haunted houses, well... you'll walk out, all of you holding onto somewhere on Dan Heng.

Dan Heng probably enjoys the lazy river the most. thats saying a lot since he doesn't exactly like nor dislike any rides at the amusement park. this is an activity the entire astral express will partake in! as much as thrills and fun rides and attractions are appealing, you can't beat a moment of relaxation in a chaotic day. Caelus and March have fallen asleep while floating down the lazy river while everyone else sits in comfortable silence.

Welt doesn't have a preference on rides and attraction. he's an everything type of guy! will try everything at least once, mostly because you and the others ask him. feeling too nervous to go on a ride but you still want to? ask him to tag along. don't want to line up for the overpriced amusement park food alone? he'll come with you. he's like a personal plus-one for everyone on the astral express crew!

Himeko enjoys the ferris wheels. something about being at the very top of the ferris wheel, overseeing the world from a different angle that is so, so nice. March likes the ferris wheel too! she and Himeko will take pictures in the ferris wheel. the entire crew is likely split into two cabins; one having Himeko, March, Caelus and you, and the other has Dan Heng, Stelle, and Welt. of course, Himeko doesn't stay on the ferris wheel the entire time, she can be seen going through gift shops and all that; a souvenir to commemorate this occasion.

[ravenkinnie]

have you watched all the episodes yet? what are your thoughts?

I just finished all three episodes and lemme first say. I got netflix again for this premiere and netflix has ads now???? this is bullshit

now some thoughts:

THERE ARE SO MANY STORYLINES I'm being cautiously optimistic but I have no idea how they will tie up everything. also I think the reason there are so many montages and music videos in there is partially because the show went into production too late and they had too much shit to wrap up so we had to figure out cool ways to skip some exposition which. I appreciate when they just say fuck it, deduct it. and if I'm anybody in arcane universe it's actually that thick big titty bitch in bdsm gear in the art at the start of episode 2

everybody is extremely hot, caitlyn obviously, jinx is slaying every shot, ambessa and mel.... I shan't. but also it has to be said, caitlyn has a really hot dad like tobias is a beekeeping age

I'm getting my dues as a caitlyn stan and supporter, I mean I haven't seen the takes yet so she might be already fighting for her life but let me already say I don't give a fuck, I'll be defending her all month. she looks so good, she's eating her lil lines, she's so bitchy - when vi was like I watched them kill my parents do you know how that feels and caitlyn goes yeah I do LIKE SHE GAGGED US BOTH A LIL. the kiss was a massive slay, like absolutely delivered, I have no notes. IM SO EXCITED FOR HER AND AMBESSA TOGETHER if you see me on ao3 in those tags be fucking quiet. like not caitlyn accidentally becoming a dictator because a muscle mommy milf manipulated her, you don't understand she is such a wish fulfilment character for me. also she's slowly giving more and more princess bubblegum the more her villain arc starts

idk why piltover has the worst security than any other place, anybody could blow up piltover. WHEN THAT GUY TACKLED MELS ASSASSIN AFTER HE ALREADY TOOK THE SHOT SJSJJSJSK

vis action scenes eat so hard I know many annoying men will main her because for some reason gamers kind of love butches. I wonder if caitvi is slowly becoming that choice for lesbian edaters like the other two that think are this in league are leona and diana amd also weirdly evelynn and ahri

ambessa is incheresting, like she hasn't revealed much of her motivations beyond trying to seize power and not die but I love the scheming and scamming that the women are committing right now. also she made my wimb tremble many times, just like mel, congratulations to the whole family. the design for black rose fucking eatssssss and overall this is such a game of thrones ass storyline without the excessive sexual assault. like ambessa is such tywin, caitlyn is her arya

that silco montage was giving a bit greys anatomy carousel montages but the animation was beautiful, the melodrama was high, the way you can feel her die inside also peak

I'm like still figuring out how i feel about jinx this season, like she's slaying every scene, she's a diva but idk how I feel about the kid yet. jinx and sevika go crazy together, they ate thaaaat. she's kind of calm as fuck but I think with how suicidal she is it makes sense because it's like she's already given up, she made her peace and is finishing her business before she dies so it's this very eery calm. I kind of fuck with it, I think that's an interesting base but I can't figure out what exactly her storyline will be yet.

and the vi and jinx fight was soooooo. I cant lie when vi was like I didn't think my sister would be orphaning kids and jinx fucking went done it to myself enough, like i cackled. and then I SCREACHED when she said I know you're sweet on her, shut uppp caitvi fandom is so annoying I forgot I love them sm, like lesbians we always win idc

AND THE END PART OH MY GOOOD WHEN JINX GETS HER FINGER SHOT OFF AND SPITS OUT BAD BITCH LINES I WAS LIVING AND SHAKING and then the fucking kid had to get in there. I'm sorry that pissed me off if I was caitlyn I would also take the shot. I'd rather vi ended the moment in someeee way or even if caitlyn took a shot anyway. idk it's just episode 3 I'll see how it goes

overall I think zaun storyline is such a mess but it's so weird fantasy steampunk vibe I kind of love it. viktor girls... I see your vision now I almost fell in love at least once when he started looking like a nuclear waste rat

[writemywaytoyourheart]

pls help.

hey guys,

sorry I haven't been updating, there's been a lot going on. I've honestly never ever ever wanted to do this but I seriously need help rn.

I literally do not care about food or gas or literally anything but my dog right now. She's got some problems with her teeth and I can't afford to get them fixed. It could be causing breathing issues and it is definitely just hurting her rn. I've been declined for financial help for who knows what reason and idk what to do. I have nothing.

I've decided to start a gofundme and see if I can get even a little bit of help from that. I've been hesitating putting it here but again I'm desperate. If you guys know of any other way I can also get help pls pls pls let me know.

I hate asking anything of you guys I feel sick about it and I'm trying so hard not to cry rn. Literally anything helps. I'm so so so sorry I'm even having to post this. I know everyone is struggling rn which makes me feel a million times worse even thinking about asking.

Maybe I can do some personalized drabbles or something for you guys, anything you want. I'll write whatever idc, whatever you want. I just cannot watch my best friend be in silent pain anymore.

If you can help at all by donating or sharing or anything I will literally be in your debt for like ever.

Daisy's gofundme

ILY <3

-chip

idk what to tag to get this seen im sorry

[cannibalismyuri]

way to take things out of context <33 lemme show u some things i said in the actual post that aren't taken out of the connotations i meant to imply them with?

"they also are popular bc they're seen as Better than other creators and put on a pedestal. which is both uncomfortable for them and Highly discouraging for others." this was the whole sentence. way to take things out of context huh.

"many people just disregard other rlly talented creators in favor of the already popular ones (who are popular for a reason. their art / fics / wtv Are really good and i read their stuff too! not trying to put them down here, just trying to lift other people up)" so where in this sentence do u see me saying that they aren't good writers?

"also bragging rights? babe nobody's bragging abt how they get more interaction. that's rude asf and entirely out of the question. and those popular writers ur talking abt who Could brag if they wanted to DON'T. bc they aren't despicable human beings who love to put others down." so did i or did i not clarify that i think the people byler tumblr puts on a pedestal handle it gracefully.

also the way u phrased this is Exactly what's wrong with this fandom. have u ever read anything that wasn't be the 10 writers u idolized? i've found some AMAZING, FREAKISHLY TALENTED, SWEET AND ALL-ROUND LOVELY writers in fandom whom i never would've found if i didn't Specifically try to broaden my horizons. the way you phrased this implies that there is simply nobody who compares to the writers with most engagement and like... how would u know? isn't this exactly the kind of behavior i was saying was Not It? ur putting them on a pedestal and refusing to acknowledge other people, no matter how talented they may or may not be. i'm not saying everybody is an amazing writer right off the bat and that these writers aren't amazing; i'm saying that others may be just as good. i know Several amazing writers eho dont get half the recognition as mediocre writers in other fandoms (NOT! TALKING! ABT! BYLER! HERE!) based on luck and when exactly they post. u guys will never branch out and Try to support these other fic writers who are helping keep this fandom alive and contributing Beautiful fics and then say that the tag is dying just bc UR personal favorite creators aren't creating as much. this doesn't in any way diminish the obvious prowess and skill of the Big writers, bc they're amazing writers and people, but u suggesting that nobody else even comes close? this is NOT nyt bestsellers this is FANDOM. its common courtesy to atleast respect people who write these fics for free and if u can't provide basic respect by trashing others' writing that u haven't even read bc its not one of the Big writer's writing... ur part of the problem.

and im going to say it for the last Fucking time. dont bring my fics or engagement into this. im speaking for so many other people and im trying to demand support for Everyone. this was never just abt me. i said this previously too, but i made a whole ass EVENT to shine light on less popular writers. bylerficrecweek was made for a reason. if it was just abt me and my engagement i never would've wholeheartedly put my whole heart into that project. and don't u Fucking dare insult my writing. "maybe you're not as good at it as you think"? im fucking tired of u coming on my blog, claiming im saying a bunch of BULLSHIT and recontextualizing everything i say and insulting my writing on top of that. you won't see this bc ive blocked u now but. im genuinely so fucking tired. im turning off anon. clearly who ever is sending these has a problem with me personally; so say it with your whole pussy to my face now. ok thx and im Really Fucking Tired please read the post for what its meant to be before mindlessly accusing me of shit.

[redysetdare]

As another non-split aroace, you're so correct for saying that we're treated as the punching bags of both aro and ace communities. Like if y'all can accept and support straight aros and aces but are hostile towards aroaces, you're just aphobic. Yes even if you're aro/ace yourself. Aro spaces nowadays literally have the same attitude towards aroaces that exclusionists used to have towards asexuals, that we're weird freaks bringing purity culture into their "safe" communities just by existing and therefore need to be pushed out. And ace spaces still act like we're the bad guys and need to be pushed out of their "safe" communities because we can't romantically love other people, which makes us heartless monsters apparently. It's just exhausting. I've never seen aroaces being so hostile towards non-ace aros and non-aro aces, we're always trying to uplift their voices and bring awareness to their issues. But the moment we try to talk about our own issues in aromantic or asexual spaces we're told to shut up and let them speak over us because we somehow have it better than them. Not to mention the pressure to split your experiences into aro vs ace and prioritise one part of your identity over the other if you want to be taken seriously in those spaces. Like sorry but for some of us our aroaceness is interwined not split. But we're still aros and aces, still a part of your community. Stop trying to push us out of our own communities on the basis of aphobic stereotypes.

Honestly I've been kinda biting my tongue on it for a while because I understand why Aro and Ace ppl have been trying to separate the communities. it can be frustrating to constantly be paired with an identity that you don't relate to - but i feel like so many ppl have taken it way to far. They've taken the relatively understandable stance of "Aromantic and Asexual are not the same identity" and pushed it to the extreme of "Aro and Ace are so completely different they have nothing in common and NO overlap" and the worst part is i don't think anyone has particularly noticed.

Idk I was most active in the aro and ace communities when we still kinda shared communities. the idea that aro and ace were separate was still a thing (hell, aroaces were the ones helping to push that distinction. we wanted people to recognize our aro identities too, yknow.) but we recognized the overlap and similarities and supported each other... now it just feels like im seeing post after post reminding people not every aro or ace person is aroace and that people shouldt tag aro posts as ace and vice versa and "no ace people cant relate to aro experiences" "no aro people cant relate to ace experiences" because "They are so different they are completely not the same and don't have any overlapping problems at all" and as an aroace it sucks!

it sucks feeling forgotten in my own communities.

It's almost feeling like they are blaming us for there being this idea that people are are Ace must also be aro and people who are aro must also be ace. Like they know they cant get mad at the allos so they get mad at aroaces and act like we are the reason allos think this way. It's like aroaceness is only brought up to talk about how "Not everyone is aroace" or "aroace characters are so much more prevalent in media (Proceeds to only talk about ace characters)" or how aroace ppl must have an identity that means more to them - how their aro or ace identity must be more important or effect them more because they can't possibly intertwined and overlap and "hey you tagged your post with aro and ace tags but obviously its only about aromanticism/only about asexuality so remove some of those tags because it's annoying me" or worse I see aromantics being acephobic or asexuals being arophobic and it's like.... where do i fit in?

people think aroace ppl ran both communities as 1 community and they say it was bad and that we need to separate - but from my perspective it was two communities who worked together. the only difference now is that aroace ppl are getting pushed to the side. thrown under the bus. "you dont need rep you have tons of rep. society loves giving aroace rep!" and "not everyone is aroace. you're experience isn't universal and so you shouldn't talk about it" Aroace voices just got smaller. we got quieter. because our own communities decided we were privileged. we were more accepted than they were. or worse that we were actually the real freaks for not feeling both sexual and romantic attraction. we weren't palatable enough - there was nothing that could be used to normalize us. and besides, it was easier to just only fight for one set of rights, right?

and part of me understands it. it sucks. it sucks to always be a footnote. but guess what - aro and aces and aroaces are footnotes of the queer community. we're stuck here together and instead we're fighting over who's the more important footnote. we are all in the same boat and we're acting like we're not and trying to sink the ship forgetting we're all on it together.

[nerves-nebula]

Not to like. Step in here and tell you about what sex should mean, but as someone whos allo with an ace partner, we have different meanings associated with it, but at the core is love and caring for each other. I think associating it purely with "something someone gets out of me" is definitely worrying, even if you do end up being ace. Sex isn't a transaction (unless its sex work but like thats not what we're talking about), it's a shared experience. Its not I take from you and you take from me, it's Im sharing something with you and you're sharing with me, and were giving each other this nice experience. For me its a shared closeness that I only choose to have with my partner and to my partner its an act of love and devotion he shares with me. I don't want to say "romanticize sex" but like, you might have to try thinking along those lines. Or don't, I don't control you. Im simply some guy that saw your post and was worried for you. If you discover you're ace, congrats tho!! I do think that perhaps working on how you see sex might still be healthy and helpful, regardless if you ever have any.

Anyways, peace and love. I hope you're doing alright and if not, I know things will get better.

(Also if you do choose to answer this publicly, which is cool, disclaimer that my take on sex is my own and if it doesn't match up with yours thats chill, I'm just a guy who's in a committed relationship where sex is viewed as a loving and fun thing. If your idea of sex is simply "its fun :)" that's cool too!! Sex is fun!)

oh i know that my view/feelings are fucked, thats why i tagged it as "ignore me im traumatized" goasdhgsdfmgas. im pretty sure im ace regardless cause im very much in the vein of "yeah sex is cool but have you tried reading webcomics" like im often thinking of other things id rather do and i can't say i've ever seen a person and wanted to do anything sexual with them myself right off the bat. so at the very least some kind of demisexuality.

i had a pretty ok view of sex until recently even with my trauma, was working on rehabilitating my thoughts about sex for a few years even! but a few months ago it kind of just all collapsed and im back in my Sex Isn't Real No One Actual Does That era where the idea of engaging in it makes me!!! not happy.

sex to me was about like, love and trust and was pretty important to me as like, an act of sharing myself with someone. but things got more complicated than that and now it kinda just hurts so. echh.

its ok tho cause if i ignore it its not real and also i cant cry rn i have a lot of homework to do.

[kindestegg]

Heya! I'm curious to hear your opinion on the last episode in general, I don't think you've said much from what I've seen. Mainly on Collie and stuff, and especially what you think about them going away in the end there. Are you perhaps planning to write a post on that or anything? I just like your takes on things so I'm curious

... can I say something? It makes me stupidly emotional in a positive way that so many people have been showing interest in my opinions and thoughts about toh and collector. I knew my posts on them had gotten somewhat popular, but it genuinely surprises seeing how many people seem to think of me and want to hear what I have to say! You guys are too incredibly sweet and I just want to thank you!

This got... pretty long since I assumed you wanted an overall rundown of my thoughts on the episode not just focused on colly so uhhh... tagging it as long post.

As for my general thoughts on the episode... they are... uhhh A LOT of ohhhhh that's so cool ohhh that's so awesome... it was genuinely just a very fun high spirits episode for me, I was surprised seeing how easily colly was swayed and how willing he was to try and be friends... he is truly a very kind being! How strong raine was to push belos out and keep going, their ingenuity as well with all their movements!! They're so cool... the way they confirmed my suspicion that Collector really loves titans and knows a lot about their anatomy and culture!

I REALLY didn't think they were gonna do the Luz death fake out, that shocked me a lot since we already had a fake out with hunter, but now I'm starting to think they maybe did that to be a direct parallel to flapjack, as that one also featured the glowing lights rising. But then we met King's mom who is a total furbait for me so like!!! It's fine!!! Helloooo sexyyyyy!!!!!!! I love that they're genderfluid that got me so happy I love that he explains it by calling back to King's line about being queen and king that was already so damn transgender!!! I can't believe King is bigender just like her dad!!!

They have such good vibes anyway so it was really nice seeing them. Ngl I was kind of against seeing the titan again bc it was made such a point he was gone and we should mourn them, but she did kinda... die right after anyway so it's fine, and also again she is so cool it's kind of hard to not want him to have shown up. I love hiiiim. And then for that matter. Their conversation was so sweet and I love how it puts emphasis on two core themes of the series: the leftist sentiment of it being severely more important to fight to protect others genuinely from oppression and violence than to be respectable at those in power, and that Luz was never meant to be a chosen one, but she was a good kind person who deserved through her being there to be trusted. And is it not often just a matter of someone who is good choosing to do good when it counts?

I was a little sad that colly didn't get to do much fighting alongside the cast, but then again so didn't... most of the hexsquad! And his role was so important too, protecting everyone inside the Archives!! He is so very strong and i am so proud of him. Luzs titan form was so epic and her fight scene along with eda and King and eventually also raine was so cool!!!! And so was the scene with her just standing over belos... fuck yeah

I do not know if many more people noticed!! But the symbols around the titan as his spirit left luzs body were alchemical sun/gold symbols!! See!!! It's a titan symbol!! Also for that matter, the symbol on luzs chest on her titan design is the sun connected to the earth im pretty sure!! And i do love that King's dad said i love you with a bread pun but it is funny he almost... forgot to send any message lmao. It's okay though I'm sure she just wasn't prepared ♡

Ah and then the ending!! Was cute!! Personally I find the ending and epilogue pretty okay, I don't think it'll satisfy everyone of course, but I liked it well enough, everyone's endings felt nice. I HAVE actually spoken extensively (although more casually) about how I feel on Colly's fate, you can find that on my commander's answers tag as I responded to an anon on it, and I DO have a post about it planned but it will take... quite a long while to make, currently I am still laying down bullet points and I'm only to the second part of it and there are already four pages... uhm. Yeah. That and I'm starting to realize that it might make half the fandom want to crush me in a metal compactor. So thats fun. But well! I am committed to information above all!

Thank you again for the ask and for thinking of me!

[gooboogy]

alrighty i don't rly know what to say so here's a bunch of random questions

1) what is your fave song of yours at the moment

2) have you watched walten files? orrr mandela catalogue? idk both have a kinda horror podcast vibe iykyk

3) mandatory question vampires vs werewolves, feel free to elaborate :3

4) im not sure if it was stated before but whats your favourite/most relatable Fear?

also taking the opportunity to say your art (talking about both pictures and music) is super cool and you're a very inspiring person in general!! hope you have good time tonight and get many interesting asks

(sorry for the colourful text lmao l just found out you could do that and it seems fun to me)

Giggles this is a delightful ask (full of delightful colors!! That really is fun)

1. Fav song at the moment idk if this counts but the wellness session music from Severence is crazy good and I've been listening to it on repeat. The other one at the moment is Movies by Weyes Blood (that I am actually about to make a music Monday post for!)

2. I haven't seen the Walten Files but I have seen a bit of the Mandela Catalogue which what I saw was very good and also very scary lol the eyes thing freaks me out a bit, gives me kind of a palinopsia where I can't get it out of my head so I haven't seen much of it

3. Both good for their own reasons, both I especially enjoy the "sire" aspect and I do really appreciate the predatory nature of both, among other things. Though I always pick werewolves at the end bc 1 nothing can beat the knot and 2 Big Doggies!! They are big silly doggey guys who can eviscerate you to shreds and I looovvee that. Get you a woofer who can hunt you down and is also a big cuddly doofus

4. For TMA this is a toughie bc Eye is really appealing I mean heck I get real curious by stuff to my own detriment (see: my curiosity for what TMA was about and ending up terribly disappointed when I finished it) and just the inherent Eye nature of the audience. Meanwhile Slaughter really speaks to me, along with Flesh (see: my meat posting tag) and also Spiral. I was scared for the longest time of being crazy but I'm now a lot more at peace with my crazy lol (however when it comes to trusting myself or even knowing myself... haha .. lol even) but okay back to Slaughter and Flesh. Slaughter bc I get that fun "very often triggered by very normal and mundane things" disease so I find myself wanting to go ape shit all the time. A little "can I kill your dad and also that loud noise" in these trying times. And Flesh? Partially bc I can be a bit of a masochist and I also just heavily subscribe to the idea of how our Meat Suits are what makes us "present." Like for a while I struggled with my identity and who am I when I'm present and what does that even mean to begin with. In the end I think it's what's going on with your meat and in your meat space, and I find a lot of grounding and meaning in that. (Heh, ground meat) You are who's experiencing the Meat

And thank you!! That makes me happy to hear that I'm inspiring in any way. I am always trying to inspire myself to do the things I wanna do so I'm glad I can spread that around to others too. Thank you for the kick ass ask!

[gildinbainas]

º ✧ 。 GET TO KNOW THE MUN !

what’s your phone wallpaper : it changes frequently. but its usually egyptian themed. atm its Anubis.

last song you listened to : War of Hearts ( Ruelle )

currently reading : Gonna pick up Caraval again and see if I can finish it

last movie : Super Mario Bros. But I WILL be seeing Little Mermaid tomorrow afternoon.

last show : Er... either Bridgerton or some other show I was probably watching on Netflix half asleep

craving : Starbucks. Always Starbucks.

what are you wearing right now : Much like Atem, a gown

how tall are you? : 5'3"??? Not very tall. Not much taller than his majesty the pharaoh

piercings / tattoos? : just my ears, no tats. im too lazy to get one. not only that it requires proper care so not to get infected and nope. i dont wanna bother

glasses ? contacts? : glasses

last thing you ate? : bagel / plain creme cheese

favorite color(s)/shade : pink, black. bright oranges --- almost peach looking, rose gold sometimes on certain objects

current obsession : Character AI. It's so bad at times but also there's some gems that are inspiring. I've wasted hours trying to study it and figure some shit out. Also... always and forever, CAPTAIN FUCKING LEVI.

any pets : nope. allergies way too bad for that

do you have a crush right now?: well there's this guy at work. can't seem to figure out what we are. all of my coworkers think he's in love with me but who knows? men play too much so i just...dont read too much into it. also james mcavoy always and forever.

favorite fictional character: Have you seen my blog? I could write monologue about all my characters but eh... the mains being Atem, Charles Xavier, Thranduil, Gaara, Dumbledore, Daenerys, Storm.

last place you traveled : On a plane? Washington State. Just in general, er... Savannah?

tagged by: @what-the-stark tagging: anyone

[jokeringcutio]

2, 3, 12, 12, 30 from the ask game? ^^ im a curious person asdkfljsdfk

[ Answering to this game ]

Thank you so much for asking :) ♡

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits? Top five are: Reader-Insert (9) Angst (8) Older Man/Younger Woman (8) Age Difference (7) Dubious Consent (6) And well, they do on this account :') . Not quite what I wrote in the past. I have gone from humor and romance to disturbing dark romance fics, I suppose? Though the older man/younger woman age thing has always been my kink, I mean, even in real life.

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Polite/kind Reader. I know this isn't in any tags, but my standard/basic Reader is quite polite. Doesn't curse as much as I see readers do in other fics, doesn't fight as much as I read in most fics. Might react atypically to what you might expect in certain situations - which is excellent when writing villain/bad guy fics because they will expect the obvious and need to re-adjust their reaction when the reader surprises them. It could just be why the Reader is kept alive and survives. My basic go-to Reader is usually inspired by the thought "now what would I do when I was caught in this situation?" Though, when I am writing for a friend, I will make the character react more like they would. Which is even more fun than imagining myself in such a situation. "I am a worrier, not a warrior." (JokeringCutio ) - and yes, you can quote that with my name attached to it - I worry. A lot. And I try to solve things without fighting but by talking or finding solutions. Unless otherwise requested, I try to come up with reactions for the reader by placing myself in their situation. My basic Reader won't fight as much on instinct, I can't even slap someone if they ask me to (Yes, that has happened). But apart from the reader's depiction, you can find details in fics that derive from this as well. When I imagine myself in situations, important questions arise: where are the toilets? Is there anything I can use when I get my period? But who will feed the hamster? If there's a window, how can it be that no sound escapes the room? Expect things like bathing, using the toilet, menstruation, getting dirty, getting hurt and fearing infection. They are basic human things that I worry about and that I have noticed are quite often glossed over in movies and stories, but that make it all the more grizzly to read. Other details: Look for: A feasible ending. I like my stories to have a happy end, unless otherwise requested. But because I try and imagine how it would be if I were really caught in that situation, that ending might not be "they married and lived happily ever after". I mean, with a villain, murderer, slasher, or mentally ill person, happily ever after might just end a different way. Look for: Girls are better friends. Most of my recent fics have had a female reader involved with a male villain. But if you look closely you will see I often can't help a lesbian crush or relationship added to the mix, even if not open or explicit. 12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you? Reader-Insert. Used to hate them. Now I want nothing more but to write and read them. Hear me out, I like to perfect my reader-insert skills and try to avoid all that irritated me in the past. So I try to avoid mentioning specific things like the length of hair, body shape, skin tone, and background information that could trigger or put a reader off. And yes, in some cases you can get away with it, no problem. It's looking to find that balance. I failed with my multi-chapter Grabber fic. I wanted to avoid mentioning hair on the reader for a specific reader I have seen lurking around the fandom but it slipped in a few times anyway. If you are that reader and read this, please feel free to request a hairless reader fic/hair not mentioned fic. I would love to make it up to you ♡ 30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

Yes. The first smut I wrote was (as a virgin at the time and totally not into the kinks requested) very much out of my comfort zone. But I had to look up a lot and learned a lot new terms. Ahum... I like to challenge myself by stepping out of my comfort zone so, we'll see what the future brings :)

[skadren]

I keep seeing a bunch of live and let go, boundaries are personal and not moral stances posts about writing and i largely agree ppl should be able to explore what they want in fic but also. Is there a way to balance or talk about "hi um white author so you kinda reinvented racism/blood eugenics and unilaterally present sex work as inherently degrading and etc etc etc for Shipping Angst Drama fodder, when the text is like. None of that" in fandom or even just in like. A server community. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive bc i feel constructed/projected misery is kind of tacky to begin with and i wouldn't do it with a complete stranger but idk my guy. I don't want to alienate myself but it's weird to go completely uncritical here

i think there are a couple items you need to check off the list before you can go "yes talking to internet stranger #37461239 about a highly sensitive topic is a good idea"

is it tagged appropriately? if it's tagged trust me the writer knows. they have probably gotten way more unsolicited feedback than they would really like

is the portrayal you're concerned about reinforcing an unhealthy or discriminatory predominant social narrative? if it is and you think the writer is genuinely unaware, then yeah, it might be worth bringing up. the emphasis here is on predominant please i am begging on my hands and knees

will this result in a productive conversation? if the intent behind this is to get people to reconsider, it isn't helping anyone if you know it will just lead to them doubling down and doing it even worse. at that point you're only making a performative statement to validate your own stance

if it really is bothering you that much, is there a compelling reason why you can't just block and move on? it isn't your responsibility nor is it feasible to fix how a fandom is doing things, especially if it's a group of people you don't really know. your own mental health always comes first, and a bit of salty venting in private with your friends never hurts anyone

if it IS a friend or acquaintance who is doing this and you think they would be open to discussing it with nuance, then you can probably bring it up. if that person has a basic level of consideration and respect for you it tends to go well, but i've also seen people double down because they already know there's something wrong with their attitudes but get mad at you for wanting them to change, and then it creates a whole ton of drama and people get hurt and it's not pretty. so. ymmv

ultimately, someone's views on racism or sex work or whatever is reflective of a broader social norm, and fandom is not the best space to try to fix that through confrontation-- it's usually someone's "safe space" where they want to retreat from the world, not come face-to-face with any sort of personal reckonings. do i think it's a mark of privilege that some people have the luxury of ignoring these issues when they "just want to have fun"? yes, but again, this is about being able to have productive discussion, not about what's "fair". unfortunately.

my two cents: if you're in a server community or some other space that makes you uncomfortable there's really nothing wrong with going "hey, we have fundamentally different standards when it comes to [x], and i don't think i want to be here" and moving on. the best way to challenge these things is quite literally to make your own food. there's a much better chance of the people you're worried about coming across it and realizing they like it than magically being able to argue them down with well-placed logic and reasonable points or whatever

EDIT: OH ALSO IM STUPID if you mean talking about it in general. not naming writer names but trends in the fandom. yes absolutely-- not in a public space like social media but definitely find a group of people who you trust who you can talk about these things with!! it is good and healthy. just make sure it isn't just a discord server open to the public or smth tho so you personally know and trust everyone who can see it (and you don't accidentally shit talk someone who is in that space lmao)

[hillybargrove]

New Years

Roger Taylor x Reader

Summary: rogers scared to crush on y/n because she’s deaky’s sister but we all know how well that’s gonna work out for him

Word Count: slightly over 2k :)

A/N: it’s january 16th which makes this less fun but i think it’s good and im really happy with how it turned out!! 

When you had first been introduced to the band, they we're already working on their fourth album. Your brother had done his best to avoid introducing you for almost five years, afraid of you taking a liking to one of his friends.

It was barely August when John gave you a call from their studio in Rockfield, asking you to come out and see him.

"Y/N?"

"John?"

"Haven't seen you in a while, how's mum?" You talked for a half hour catching up before he invited you to visit.

"Why, John? You need someone who actually knows how to do laundry?" He couldn't ever remember to separate the lights from the darks, frequently he also forgot the importance of detergent.

"Can't I just miss my baby sister?"

"Well, that almost never happens, John." You agreed, however, and packed a bag so you could stay for a night.

When you pulled in, you saw where they were staying, and how it was in fact a farmhouse. Chickens loitered the dirt road, perching on fences and cooing at some blond. You parked, saw John in your peripheral vision and threw open the car door as fast as you could to run to him.

"Hey!" You said, already airborne and jumping onto his back. There was a thud, your brother was unsuspecting and now on the ground covered in dust and probably a few bruises.

"I'm never calling you again."

"Don't be so dramatic."

The man with the chickens had laughed at the mercy of his friend, gaining your attention when you picked yourself up.

"Hi," You called out, brushing off your jeans. "Sorry about that, sibling rivalry and all."

"Fine by me," he waved you off. "John needs a bit of roughing up." Your brother made it off the dirt himself, shooting both you and the blond a look. From the right you heard footsteps approach the two of you.

"Roger, would you quit mucking around with the chickens and get in here, Freddie needs you for the operatics." Brian, as you'd remembered from pictures, had curly black hair and seemed to tower over everyone around.

"Brian and Roger meet my sister." They both gave small, awkward waves when he failed to give them your name.

"I'm Y/N, sorry. I guess he doesn't remember." You jerked your head at your brother and shot him a dirty look. "D'you forget my name or something?" His friends let out a chuckle and John now gave you a mean expression.

"Give me a minute, it's on the tip of my tongue." You dug your fingers into his sides, drawing out a painful laughter before he cried for you to stop.

"Well, it's nice to finally get the chance to meet you guys," You said, taking a step to shake their hands.

"Likewise," Brian smiled, "I'd love to stay and chat but I've got to get him in there before the bill for this album goes up any higher."

You didn't quite recognize Roger, at least not in a fur coat and a pair of dark sunglasses, but Brian immediately dragged him away from the farm animals and into the studio.

"Uh, John?" You looked at him with amusement, "you didn't tell me your band mates were hot."

"There's a reason for that."

"You've been cock-blocking me for years."

"Shut it."

•••

You had the pleasure of seeing Roger in the recording studio in the middle of his galileo's. It was incredibly tempting to laugh, but everybody else seemed annoyed he couldn't get as high as Freddie wanted.

He did his best not to look at you for too long, but there were more times than you could count that you two caught each other staring.

He also did his best at keeping away from you. Suddenly, he was always the first one up, he made the first pot of coffee in the morning and kept to himself. You hadn't known him before, but there was enough talk about it between the boys for you to know it wasn't normal.

One afternoon you offered to grab everyone lunch from a pub in town, Roger left his order on a postcard and spent the entire day holed up in his room, despite being needed in the studio.

More and more you came to stay with them, choosing the little farmhouse over college parties and pubs, and the boys loved having you around. You broke up the testosterone in the house and always made the bathroom smell like flowers. Your visits, however, revealed the pattern in Roger's strange mood swings.

Freddie noticed it at first, and pointed it out to John who then told Brian. Your brother made nothing of it, and left the two of them to talk to you about the situation.

"Y/N?" Brian turned down the music from the car radio, you two were on your way home from the grocery store.

You gave a muffled response, having had a few chips in your mouth.

"I don't mean to pry, and you don't have to answer, but–" He paused in the awkwardness, "did something happen? Between you and Roger?"

You nearly choked, "Oh my God, Brian," You sent him a look from the passenger seat, "No, definitely no." He didn't seem to like that answer, the wrinkles between his eyebrows told you so.

"Why? Did he say something?" A small rise of panic began in your throat, "Bri, I swear–"

"No! No, he didn't say anything. The boys and I have just taken a little notice of something is all." He let a few seconds pass before beginning again, "He just seems to be very quiet when your in town, stays in his room a lot, never sleeps in, and he doesn't really like to eat with us, you know?"

"Oh, okay. I mean, I don't know. I've only ever known him to be like that. Do you think something's wrong?"

"Well–"

"Wait, so you thought it was because of me?" He came to a red stoplight and turned to look at you.

"No, not at all. Well, okay maybe." His eyes grew bigger, "Not in a bad way! Of course not anything like that, he's just been so weird, and it's only when you're around. So we all kind of assumed–"

"–Cause we hooked up and it ended weird?"

"Not in so many words, but, yeah." The car lurched forward through the intersection. "But you said nothing happened."

"Nothing, yeah. Sorry, I wish I could be more help."

"S'alright, love. Just means now I've got to actually ask him what his problem is."

He told you he'd find out and let you know, but he'd make sure to ask after you went home, which was the next day.

You didn't go back for a while after that, not because of Roger, but because school was a bit more intense after midterms and your mom had started holiday baking in the middle of November.

A week before the month was over, John and the rest of them ended up stopping by on the way to a 'band event' is what they called it.

While you were coming out of the bathroom you heard voices, Freddie and Roger.

"What's your problem, Rog? We're in her bloody house and you can't even make eye contact with her, it's weird."

"Fred, Brian already pestered me about this weeks ago–"

"And he was given a vague answer, you're being rude, it's ridiculous. What's wrong with you?" Dishes clinked around in the sink, your mother walked past you into the kitchen with the leftover peas on a platter and walked back out.

"She's John's sister, okay? That's the issue." Freddie blinked.

"And?"

"She's his sister. I mean, that's off limits, it's gotta be."

"Oh." Freddie paused from washing the dishes, "Well now it all makes sense. So you like her, then?"

"Yeah."

"Well, that's sweet, Rog, but it's not an excuse to be a dick."

Roger shook his head and started wrapping the chicken up with tin foil, "Trust me, I know."

You decided it was best not to go into the kitchen at that moment, instead returning to the table with noticeably red cheeks. To make matters worse, John tapped your shoulder and let you know they were staying the night.

"Are there even enough beds?" He shook his head no. "Then where are they all sleeping?"

Turns out you were sleeping on the couch, despite your complaints. John was in his room with Brian, which left your bed for Roger and Freddie.

•••

It was now almost half past one in the morning, everyone had been asleep for a while. The wine was catching up with you a second time, and you woke up in the middle of the night having to pee.

Groggily, you made your way inside and shut the door. A few minutes later, Roger felt the same pressure on his stomach and slid out from under Freddie's arm draped across him.

A yellow glare fell on the floor outside the bathroom, Roger, slightly drunk and very sleepy, assumed someone left the light on.

"Shit, sorry." The image of a girl in the bathroom made him jump, "I didn't realize anyone else was up."

"S'okay, I'm just washing my hands." You dried them and stepped out, "the door doesn't have a lock."

"I see." He rubbed his eyes and avoided making eye contact with you out of embarrassment, he suddenly felt self-conscious about being shirtless.

"Y'might want to think about knocking next time, though." You diverted your gaze downward, but your eyes lingered on his bare torso.

"Yeah, I'll make a note of that." He blushed and stepped aside for you to get past. He was almost grateful you were only just washing your hands, seeing you half naked in this situation would've been mortifying.

"Night, Roger." You disappeared from his vision around the corner to the living room.

"Night," He said, standing there for a moment before going inside the bathroom.

•••

It wasn't meant to be a big thing, just a few guys in a pub with family and friends to celebrate the new year. Freddie, however, turned his nose up at that idea and threw a party of his own.

Earlier throughout the night, you were given various drinks, mostly champagne. John did his best to keep you from taking too much, lucky for you.

"Just keeping an eye out for my baby sister," He would say, before you stuck your tongue out in protest.

The entire time knowing him, Roger had been skittish around you, for reasons you now knew. Tonight, however, he was different.

Drink after drink on his part, he warmed up to you. Brian even took notice and gave u a thumbs up when he saw the two of you talking. It wasn't about much, and it was kind of awkward, but watching his baby blue eyes glaze over underneath the yellow light of the chandelier made you feel something.

Even later in the evening, he tried to flirt. You then caught Freddie giving Roger a thumbs up like Brian had done to you.

It was charming, watching him across the room throw his head back to laugh, and he always watched you back.

Then midnight came, and with everyone gathered outside on the second story patio, he tapped your shoulder a minute before twelve.

"Roger?"

"I've got something to say to you." He was meant to continue, but your interest in other matters made him clam up.

"Where's your date?"

"Didn't bring one," He stated plainly.

"What about that brunette I saw following you around inside?" You crossed your arms over your chest and smiled.

"M'not terribly interested, I've got this thing for someone else." He said it with a lopsided smile, and you suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him.

"You've got about ten seconds to find someone, then."

"But I've already found you." It was almost innocent when the words tumbled out of his mouth, like a school boy with a crush.

"You know," You paused, the clock was ticking, "we've barely spoken, and I've only known you for a few months."

"My deepest apologies, love." His fingers found themselves in the loops of your jeans, and you watched those baby blue eyes until you could see the whites tinged red and all of a sudden people were celebrating.

Your lips were on his for a few seconds and it was soft and sweet. Then, his hands found their way around you, and it almost felt like the fireworks were for the two of you instead of New Year's Day.